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Free Hat
Сезон: 06Серия: 09
Дети основывают клуб по спасению старых фильмов от переделывания. Взрослые ошибочно думают, будто клуб будет бороться за освобождение Шляпы, серийного убийцы младенцев.
- 00:00:08,968 --> 00:00:12,054 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:00:12,179 --> 00:00:13,848 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:00:13,973 --> 00:00:15,725 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:00:15,850 --> 00:00:18,602 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,187 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:00:20,312 --> 00:00:22,148 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
- 00:00:22,273 --> 00:00:25,317 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:00:25,443 --> 00:00:27,111 ♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪
- 00:00:27,236 --> 00:00:29,071 ♪ Timmy, Timmy, liv-a-la, Timmy! ♪
- 00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:32,575 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:00:35,411 --> 00:00:37,163 Oh, cool. A preview!
- 00:00:38,122 --> 00:00:40,332 <i>Coming this summer, it's the classic film</i>
- 00:00:40,458 --> 00:00:41,625 <i>that changed America --</i>
- 00:00:41,751 --> 00:00:44,170 <i>"E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, "</i>
- 00:00:44,295 --> 00:00:46,964 <i>the new redone version for 2002!</i>
- 00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:49,050 <i>All the E.T. effects have been digitally upgraded.</i>
- 00:00:49,175 --> 00:00:50,426 <i>All the guns have been digitally changed</i>
- 00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:51,886 <i>to walkie-talkies.</i>
- 00:00:52,011 --> 00:00:53,012 <i>And the word "terrorist"</i>
- 00:00:53,137 --> 00:00:54,764 <i>has been changed to "hippie."</i>
- 00:00:54,889 --> 00:00:56,348 Aw, dude, why would they do that?
- 00:00:56,474 --> 00:00:58,142 Yeah, hippies and terrorists are the same thing.
- 00:00:58,267 --> 00:01:00,019 No, dude, Spielberg changed "terrorist" to "hippie"
- 00:01:00,144 --> 00:01:02,480 to make "E.T." more P.C. - That's gay.
- 00:01:02,605 --> 00:01:04,065 <i>Coming this summer,</i>
- 00:01:04,190 --> 00:01:07,359 <i>it's the motion picture that changed America --</i>
- 00:01:07,485 --> 00:01:09,820 <i>"Saving Private Ryan, " the re-re-release,</i>
- 00:01:09,945 --> 00:01:11,405 <i>where the word "Nazi" has been changed</i>
- 00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:13,282 <i>to "persons with political differences"</i>
- 00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:15,493 <i>and all the guns have been replaced by walkie-talkies.</i>
- 00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:18,454 <i>Oh, my God!</i>
- 00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:26,045 Why the hell do these directors keep updating their movies?
- 00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:28,422 <i>And now for your feature presentation,</i>
- 00:01:28,547 --> 00:01:30,758 <i>the classic re-re-re-release</i>
- 00:01:30,883 --> 00:01:33,511 <i>of "Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back."</i>
- 00:01:33,636 --> 00:01:34,512 Whoo-hoo!
- 00:01:41,102 --> 00:01:43,687 Aaahhh!
- 00:01:43,813 --> 00:01:45,481 God damn it, that pisses me off!
- 00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:46,982 Yeah, we want our money back!
- 00:01:47,108 --> 00:01:49,860 Sorry, suckers. - You asshole!
- 00:01:49,985 --> 00:01:51,445 Why don't they leave those movies alone?
- 00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:52,863 We liked them the way they were.
- 00:01:52,988 --> 00:01:54,698 Don't you see what this means?
- 00:01:54,824 --> 00:01:56,575 All our favorite movies are going to be changed and updated
- 00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,369 until we can't even recognize them anymore!
- 00:01:58,494 --> 00:02:00,496 Tweek is right. It isn't fair for those asshole directors
- 00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,164 to keep changing their movies and making them different.
- 00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:04,166 Movies are art, and art shouldn't be modified.
- 00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,460 Yeah, what if they had modified the Roman Colosseum every year?
- 00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:08,295 It would just be another big douchey stadium now.
- 00:02:08,420 --> 00:02:09,964 We have to do something. Let's form a club.
- 00:02:10,089 --> 00:02:11,257 Yeah, we could form a club
- 00:02:11,382 --> 00:02:12,925 that takes food stamps from poor people
- 00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:14,718 and then sells them back to the government for a profit.
- 00:02:14,844 --> 00:02:16,595 No, fat ass! I mean a club to protect films
- 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:18,472 from their directors so they can't be messed with.
- 00:02:18,597 --> 00:02:20,474 Yeah, we'll be the "Save Films from Their Own Directors" club.
- 00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:21,892 Yeah!
- 00:02:22,017 --> 00:02:23,853 No! No, no! I don't want to form a club!
- 00:02:23,978 --> 00:02:25,062 That's too much pressure!
- 00:02:25,187 --> 00:02:26,397 Look, I'm supposed to take it easy.
- 00:02:26,522 --> 00:02:27,398 Just watch the clouds, sit in the grass.
- 00:02:27,523 --> 00:02:28,858 If we form a club,
- 00:02:28,983 --> 00:02:30,276 there'll be responsibilities, commitments!
- 00:02:30,401 --> 00:02:31,527 Tweek, now, God damn it. We picked you to be
- 00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:32,987 our new friend to replace Kenny
- 00:02:33,112 --> 00:02:34,155 because we thought you were a team player.
- 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:35,656 I'm not! I'm not a team player!
- 00:02:35,781 --> 00:02:37,116 Now, either you stop with these faggotronics,
- 00:02:37,241 --> 00:02:38,534 or we'll find someone to replace you.
- 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:40,327 Oh! Oh, Jesus!
- 00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:46,458 Dude, that sign sucks. Nobody's gonna show up.
- 00:02:46,584 --> 00:02:48,419 What's wrong with it? - Look at it, dude.
- 00:02:48,544 --> 00:02:50,087 You're not offering any fabulous prizes.
- 00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:51,922 You have to offer fabulous prizes if you want people
- 00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:54,049 to show up for your stupid crap. Here.
- 00:02:56,468 --> 00:02:58,345 Free hat? - Yeah, if you offer free hats,
- 00:02:58,470 --> 00:02:59,722 maybe people will show up.
- 00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,056 But we don't have hats!
- 00:03:01,182 --> 00:03:02,391 We can just make them out of paper.
- 00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:03,642 Aah! - It's not hard.
- 00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:04,643 Just stupid little paper hats.
- 00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:05,686 People just need free stuff.
- 00:03:05,811 --> 00:03:07,188 Don't you guys know anything?
- 00:03:07,313 --> 00:03:08,647 You see? First, we were just forming a club.
- 00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:10,357 Now we have to make hats! Where does it end?!
- 00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:11,775 All right, let's go get the gymnasium ready.
- 00:03:11,901 --> 00:03:12,860 Tweek, you go make 50 hats.
- 00:03:12,985 --> 00:03:15,571 50 hats? Oh, Jesus!
- 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:18,574 Aah! I'll never make it! I'll never make it!
- 00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:19,700 Tweek! - Aah!
- 00:03:19,825 --> 00:03:20,993 Calm down, son.
- 00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:22,536 Remember what Dr. Norris told you --
- 00:03:22,661 --> 00:03:24,330 Find your center.
- 00:03:24,455 --> 00:03:26,916 My center? My...center.
- 00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:28,584 Calm.
- 00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,127 Puppies.
- 00:03:34,757 --> 00:03:37,259 Tweek! Tweek!
- 00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:38,969 Twee-e-e-k!! - Aah!
- 00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:40,763 How many hats have you made? - Oh, God!
- 00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:42,890 We only have until 10:00 a.m. tomorrow. Get the lead out.
- 00:03:43,015 --> 00:03:44,934 Aaah! Oh, God!
- 00:03:48,020 --> 00:03:49,939 You guys, we have a big problem!
- 00:03:50,064 --> 00:03:51,815 What? - I was up all night making hats.
- 00:03:51,941 --> 00:03:54,485 I only slept for an hour and then I dreamt about making hats!
- 00:03:54,610 --> 00:03:55,778 But I only made 15!
- 00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:57,780 Calm down, Tweek. 15 might be enough.
- 00:03:57,905 --> 00:04:00,032 Yeah, let's see if anyone's even shown up yet.
- 00:04:05,329 --> 00:04:06,997 Dude, there's like a thousand people in there.
- 00:04:07,122 --> 00:04:08,415 A thousand? Oh, Jesus, man!
- 00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:09,792 I don't have nearly a thousand hats!
- 00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:11,168 They're gonna kick your ass, Tweek.
- 00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:12,836 Aah! - Tweek, it's okay!
- 00:04:12,962 --> 00:04:14,171 Look, maybe these people all turned out
- 00:04:14,296 --> 00:04:15,881 because they believe in saving films.
- 00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:17,841 Maybe they don't even care about the free hat.
- 00:04:17,967 --> 00:04:19,969 Free Hat! Free Hat! Free Hat!
- 00:04:20,094 --> 00:04:21,637 Oh, God! - I told you guys.
- 00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,389 Never underestimate the power of a free hat.
- 00:04:25,808 --> 00:04:27,476 I got to move away, you guys! - Relax, Tweek.
- 00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:29,353 We're just gonna have to go in there and explain what happened.
- 00:04:29,478 --> 00:04:31,146 There are more important things right now than free hats.
- 00:04:34,525 --> 00:04:36,694 Okay, uh, we want to thank you all for coming.
- 00:04:36,819 --> 00:04:39,321 We're really happy to see such enthusiasm for our cause.
- 00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:42,449 One thing before I continue --
- 00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:43,659 Unfortunately, we don't have enough
- 00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,494 of the free hats for everyone.
- 00:04:47,538 --> 00:04:49,415 E-Excuse me?
- 00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:52,042 Yes, we apologize, but our friend Tweek here
- 00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:53,502 didn't make enough of them. - Oh, Jesus!
- 00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:54,878 Don't tell them it was me!
- 00:04:55,004 --> 00:04:56,964 We don't care about that. - You don't?
- 00:04:57,089 --> 00:04:58,882 You mean you just came because you believe in our cause?
- 00:04:59,008 --> 00:05:01,176 Yeah, free Hat! - What?!
- 00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:04,013 Hat McCullough! He was sent to prison in '82,
- 00:05:04,138 --> 00:05:05,431 and we believe he should be released!
- 00:05:05,556 --> 00:05:06,890 Yeah!
- 00:05:07,016 --> 00:05:08,392 Free Hat! Free Hat!
- 00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:11,562 Free Hat! Free Hat! Free Hat! Free Hat!
- 00:05:11,687 --> 00:05:14,398 Okay, apparently, there's been a bit of a misunderstanding.
- 00:05:14,523 --> 00:05:17,776 This is a rally to save films from their directors.
- 00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:20,446 To do what?
- 00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:22,740 We believe that films are pieces of art that must be preserved
- 00:05:22,865 --> 00:05:24,742 from the perverse hands of their aging filmmakers.
- 00:05:24,867 --> 00:05:26,618 Oh...sorry.
- 00:05:26,744 --> 00:05:28,871 Come on, everyone. Guess we're in the wrong place.
- 00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:30,706 Free Hat! Free Hat!
- 00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,416 Wait, wait, wait, wait!
- 00:05:32,541 --> 00:05:34,251 Don't you see what's happening out there?
- 00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:36,337 The films that you all grew up with, that touched your lives
- 00:05:36,462 --> 00:05:39,131 and are a part of your soul, are now being updated and changed.
- 00:05:39,256 --> 00:05:41,925 Join us, and we can be a group that makes a difference!
- 00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:45,763 Can we also work towards freeing Hat?
- 00:05:46,722 --> 00:05:48,557 Uh, sure, and we'll also try to free Hat.
- 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:50,851 Free Hat!
- 00:05:50,976 --> 00:05:52,478 Free Hat! Free Hat!
- 00:05:54,313 --> 00:05:57,649 212...213...214 members!
- 00:05:57,775 --> 00:05:58,942 You guys, you guys!
- 00:05:59,068 --> 00:06:00,652 Oh, God! I've got terrible news!
- 00:06:00,778 --> 00:06:02,154 What? - Ted Koppel wants us
- 00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:04,073 to appear on "Nightline" to talk about our cause!
- 00:06:04,198 --> 00:06:05,657 Really? That's great! - Yeah.
- 00:06:05,783 --> 00:06:07,951 No, it isn't, man! That is way too much pressure!
- 00:06:08,077 --> 00:06:09,453 If we go on "Nightline," the whole country can hear
- 00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:10,871 about what's happening to our classic films.
- 00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:12,998 But just remember that I do all the talking.
- 00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:14,333 You? Why?
- 00:06:14,458 --> 00:06:15,876 Because I'm the official spokesman.
- 00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:16,919 I got dibs on it.
- 00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:18,170 When did we do dibs for it?
- 00:06:18,295 --> 00:06:19,505 Just now. One, two, three -- dibs!
- 00:06:19,630 --> 00:06:21,048 Knee. - Aah!
- 00:06:21,173 --> 00:06:23,175 All right, fine. You're the spokesman, Cartman.
- 00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:24,593 But you better not screw it up!
- 00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,637 What could possibly go wrong?
- 00:06:26,762 --> 00:06:29,056 A new movement is sweeping the country,
- 00:06:29,181 --> 00:06:32,059 led by four determined boys from South Park, Colorado.
- 00:06:32,184 --> 00:06:34,520 The organization was created to protect Hollywood's
- 00:06:34,645 --> 00:06:37,022 classic films from the hands of their directors
- 00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:38,774 and also to free Hat McCullough.
- 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,609 So, boys, I'll ask you the question
- 00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:42,986 that's on everyone's minds -- Why does your organization
- 00:06:43,112 --> 00:06:44,655 want to free Hat McCullough,
- 00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:48,534 the convicted, confessed serial murderer of 23 babies?
- 00:06:50,661 --> 00:06:51,954 I believe that can best be answered
- 00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:53,705 by our official spokesman, Tweek.
- 00:06:53,831 --> 00:06:55,707 Aah! - Well, Hat McCullough
- 00:06:55,833 --> 00:06:56,917 admitted he killed those toddlers.
- 00:06:57,042 --> 00:06:58,377 Why do you want him free?
- 00:06:58,502 --> 00:07:01,296 Oh, Jesus, man!
- 00:07:01,422 --> 00:07:02,923 Just answer me this, Tweek --
- 00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:05,676 What do you see as positive about toddler murder?
- 00:07:05,801 --> 00:07:09,847 Uh, uh, it's...it's easy?
- 00:07:09,972 --> 00:07:13,392 Yes, it is easy.
- 00:07:13,517 --> 00:07:15,185 All right, then, on to your other cause --
- 00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:16,728 saving films from their directors.
- 00:07:16,854 --> 00:07:18,230 What got you boys interested in this?
- 00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:20,399 Especially given your pro-toddler murder status.
- 00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:22,067 We believe that films have to be taken away
- 00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:23,402 from people like Steven Spielberg
- 00:07:23,527 --> 00:07:25,237 and George Lucas because they're insane.
- 00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:26,905 I'm glad you said that, boys, because joining us now
- 00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:28,866 are Steven Spielberg and George Lucas!
- 00:07:28,991 --> 00:07:30,409 Oh, Christ. Aah!
- 00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:32,286 Hello, Ted. - Hi, Ted.
- 00:07:32,411 --> 00:07:34,496 Gentlemen, these toddler-murder fans think that you're insane
- 00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:36,081 and shouldn't be allowed to alter your films.
- 00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:37,458 Your response? - Well, first of all,
- 00:07:37,583 --> 00:07:39,835 both George and I are very firmly against
- 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,670 the murdering of toddlers. - Hear, hear.
- 00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:43,422 Dude, that's Steven Spielberg and George Lucas.
- 00:07:43,547 --> 00:07:45,424 Get me out of here! Please! Somebody get me out of here!
- 00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:47,217 And as for altering our films, all we're doing
- 00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:49,636 is trying to reach a new audience with our movies.
- 00:07:49,761 --> 00:07:53,140 As the makers of dreams, we like to speak for the children.
- 00:07:53,265 --> 00:07:55,392 Uh, we thought we were speaking for the children.
- 00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:57,227 Yeah, we're children.
- 00:07:57,352 --> 00:07:59,438 Look, if the Beatles went back and updated "The White Album"
- 00:07:59,563 --> 00:08:00,898 every few years, what would we have now?
- 00:08:01,023 --> 00:08:03,025 Yeah, these guys are only motivated by money, Ted.
- 00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:04,193 How so? - Think about it --
- 00:08:04,318 --> 00:08:05,611 Spielberg -- Jew.
- 00:08:05,736 --> 00:08:07,821 Lucas -- Jew. Kyle -- Jew.
- 00:08:07,946 --> 00:08:09,781 Coincidence? - I'm not a Jew!
- 00:08:09,907 --> 00:08:12,242 You little brats! I-I mean, you darling children
- 00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:14,119 don't know what you're talking about.
- 00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:16,580 Changing "E.T." was the best thing I ever did.
- 00:08:16,705 --> 00:08:18,165 Dude, don't you see that it's not?
- 00:08:18,290 --> 00:08:20,250 It'd be like changing "Raiders of the Lost Ark"!
- 00:08:22,044 --> 00:08:23,545 Wait a minute. What did you say?
- 00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,422 That's brilliant! - Yes.
- 00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:26,924 Change "Raiders of the Lost Ark."
- 00:08:27,049 --> 00:08:28,300 Why didn't we think of it before?
- 00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:30,427 No! No!
- 00:08:34,306 --> 00:08:36,183 Members, this is our darkest hour.
- 00:08:36,308 --> 00:08:37,768 We've just learned that George Lucas
- 00:08:37,893 --> 00:08:39,520 and Steven Spielberg now intend to update
- 00:08:39,645 --> 00:08:41,480 and change "Raiders of the Lost Ark."
- 00:08:43,482 --> 00:08:45,400 There's only one way we can stop this important,
- 00:08:45,526 --> 00:08:47,027 historical piece of art from being harmed.
- 00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:49,029 Mr. Secretary? - Thank you.
- 00:08:49,154 --> 00:08:50,989 Our intelligence tells us that the original negative
- 00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:52,533 to "Raiders of the Lost Ark"
- 00:08:52,658 --> 00:08:54,201 is currently somewhere in George Lucas' house.
- 00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:56,620 We need to find and usurp that negative.
- 00:08:56,745 --> 00:08:57,871 And if we get ahold of the negative,
- 00:08:57,996 --> 00:08:59,122 they can't change the movie?
- 00:08:59,248 --> 00:09:00,499 That is our understanding.
- 00:09:00,624 --> 00:09:02,209 Sounds like a good idea to me!
- 00:09:02,334 --> 00:09:03,877 I don't want them to change "Raiders of the Lost Ark"!
- 00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:05,212 Yeah!
- 00:09:05,337 --> 00:09:06,713 Yeah, we should go get that negative
- 00:09:06,838 --> 00:09:08,799 - as soon as we get Hat free! - Yeah!
- 00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:10,968 Free Hat! Free Hat! Free Hat!
- 00:09:11,093 --> 00:09:12,511 No, no, no. We need to do <i>this</i> first.
- 00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:14,388 But we have to free Hat.
- 00:09:14,513 --> 00:09:17,516 It's just that, you know, he killed 23 babies.
- 00:09:17,641 --> 00:09:19,351 Yeah, but it was in self-defense!
- 00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:21,186 Yeah!
- 00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:23,564 He killed 23 babies in self-defense?
- 00:09:23,689 --> 00:09:26,316 Hat was attacked maliciously and unprovoked
- 00:09:26,441 --> 00:09:28,360 by a gang of babies in West Town Park.
- 00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:29,778 When that many babies get together,
- 00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,363 they can be like piranha.
- 00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,282 Three eyewitnesses testified
- 00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:35,033 that if Hat hadn't killed those babies,
- 00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:36,868 they'd have killed him! - Yeah!
- 00:09:36,994 --> 00:09:38,495 Free Hat! Free Hat!
- 00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:40,414 All right, all right, but right now we've got to focus
- 00:09:40,539 --> 00:09:42,249 on getting those original prints of "Raiders."
- 00:09:42,374 --> 00:09:43,959 He's right. We better split up.
- 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,836 Some of you go with the boys and get those film prints.
- 00:09:45,961 --> 00:09:47,337 The rest of us come with me
- 00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:49,172 to go talk to the governor about freeing Hat!
- 00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:50,424 Yeah!
- 00:09:50,549 --> 00:09:51,967 Free Hat! Free Hat!
- 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,885 Free Hat! Free Hat!
- 00:09:54,011 --> 00:09:55,220 Free Hat! Free Hat!
- 00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:56,930 Free Hat! Free Hat!
- 00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:58,807 Well, looks like we're gonna have to do this ourselves.
- 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,225 No, that's it! I'm out!
- 00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:02,144 I can't deal with the stress you guys create!
- 00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,437 We're just gonna fly to California
- 00:10:03,562 --> 00:10:04,771 and break into George Lucas' house.
- 00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:06,481 What's stressful about that? - Aaah!
- 00:10:06,607 --> 00:10:08,108 Okay, Tweek, let me tell you something.
- 00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:09,401 You've been our new friend now for two weeks, okay?
- 00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:10,569 And I've got to be honest with you --
- 00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:12,404 It isn't going well. - Aah!
- 00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:13,905 People aren't that into you. They find you kind of annoying.
- 00:10:14,031 --> 00:10:15,282 Now, I'd say you've got one last shot here,
- 00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:16,617 and I don't want you to blow it, okay?
- 00:10:16,742 --> 00:10:17,701 Does that help take the stress off?
- 00:10:23,749 --> 00:10:26,209 Okay, go.
- 00:10:26,335 --> 00:10:27,919 I'm not breaking into George Lucas' house.
- 00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:29,379 I'm not breaking into George Lucas' house.
- 00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:31,465 I'm in a green field. - Shut up, Tweek.
- 00:10:31,590 --> 00:10:33,008 This is not the time for faggocity!
- 00:10:34,885 --> 00:10:36,053 This looks like the right room.
- 00:10:36,178 --> 00:10:38,430 I'm in a field surrounded by deer.
- 00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:40,182 Over here!
- 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:49,650 That's it!
- 00:10:49,775 --> 00:10:51,401 All right, get it, Tweek! - Nuh-unh!
- 00:10:51,526 --> 00:10:53,070 Get it, you piece of crap, before I grab your nutsac
- 00:10:53,195 --> 00:10:54,363 and twist it! - Aah!
- 00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:00,786 What are you doing?!
- 00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:02,704 Oh, God! Oh, Jesus!
- 00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:04,373 You're the boys from that stupid club!
- 00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:05,749 Gimme that! - Aah!
- 00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:07,376 Do with us what you will, Mr. Lucas,
- 00:11:07,501 --> 00:11:09,670 but please don't change "Raiders of the Lost Ark."
- 00:11:09,795 --> 00:11:11,171 We're gonna make it better.
- 00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:13,173 The movie's gonna be changed, and that is that!
- 00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:14,591 All right, you asked for it.
- 00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:16,176 I'm afraid you leave us no choice.
- 00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:17,511 It's time for plan "B."
- 00:11:17,636 --> 00:11:18,512 Aw, really?
- 00:11:18,637 --> 00:11:19,930 Oh, God. No, not plan "B"!
- 00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:22,557 You have a heart made of ice, Mr. Lucas,
- 00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:24,518 and so we're going to melt your icy heart
- 00:11:24,643 --> 00:11:25,936 with a cool island song.
- 00:11:26,061 --> 00:11:27,771 Gentlemen.
- 00:11:29,648 --> 00:11:31,108 What?
- 00:11:31,233 --> 00:11:33,694 Hit it, Tweek.
- 00:11:33,819 --> 00:11:36,613 ♪ In the tropical isles with the coconut trees -- ♪
- 00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:38,073 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
- 00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:39,449 I thought we were gonna cool his hot heart
- 00:11:39,574 --> 00:11:40,575 with a cool island song.
- 00:11:40,701 --> 00:11:42,202 No, he has a icy heart.
- 00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:44,454 But you can't melt ice with a cool song, "R"-tard!
- 00:11:44,579 --> 00:11:46,915 So we have to warm his icy heart with a hot island song.
- 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,709 It's a cool island song!
- 00:11:48,834 --> 00:11:50,127 Well, then we're gonna end up freezing his hellish heart
- 00:11:50,252 --> 00:11:51,128 with a cool island song.
- 00:11:51,253 --> 00:11:52,379 Aw, do we want to do that?
- 00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:53,839 All right, that does it!
- 00:11:55,257 --> 00:11:57,342 Yes, thank you, Officer.
- 00:11:57,467 --> 00:11:59,052 The police are on their way, boys.
- 00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:00,220 Soon you'll be in jail
- 00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:01,972 - getting rammed! - Aah!
- 00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:03,849 Those rams can do to us what they will, Mr. Lucas,
- 00:12:03,974 --> 00:12:05,809 but we'll never stop trying to protect films!
- 00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:07,769 It's not too late to do what's right.
- 00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,229 Give us the print.
- 00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:10,605 There's still some good in you, Mr. Lucas.
- 00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:11,732 We know there is!
- 00:12:14,025 --> 00:12:16,278 It is...too late for me, boys.
- 00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:17,904 You yourself led the campaign
- 00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:19,406 against the colorization of films.
- 00:12:19,531 --> 00:12:21,658 You understand why films shouldn't be changed.
- 00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:23,076 That's different.
- 00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:25,537 These are <i>my</i> movies. I made them.
- 00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:28,415 And I have the right to do whatever I want with them.
- 00:12:28,540 --> 00:12:29,708 You're wrong, Mr. Lucas.
- 00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:30,959 They're not your movies.
- 00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:32,586 They're ours...all of ours.
- 00:12:32,711 --> 00:12:34,504 We paid to go see them, and they're just as much
- 00:12:34,629 --> 00:12:36,214 a part of our lives as they are of yours.
- 00:12:36,339 --> 00:12:37,632 When an artist creates,
- 00:12:37,758 --> 00:12:40,051 whatever they create belongs to society.
- 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,514 Have I...become so old
- 00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:46,725 that I've forgotten what being an artist is about?
- 00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:49,144 Give the print to us so that we can protect it from Spielberg
- 00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:50,729 and anyone else who wants to alter it.
- 00:12:52,189 --> 00:12:54,608 Perhaps...you are right.
- 00:12:54,733 --> 00:12:56,651 Stop!
- 00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:58,570 What are you doing, George?
- 00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:00,113 Steven, I-I --
- 00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:01,615 Give me that print, George.
- 00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:04,451 We need to make the alterations.
- 00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:06,745 Steven, these boys had a point.
- 00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:09,122 I don't remember what it was, but it was good.
- 00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:10,957 You haven't let these doe-eyed children
- 00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:13,084 affect your judgment, have you, George?
- 00:13:13,210 --> 00:13:16,463 Don't forget -- You belong to me.
- 00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:18,006 Don't listen to him!
- 00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,383 You still have a chance to preserve your film!
- 00:13:25,806 --> 00:13:28,058 I'm...I'm sorry, boys.
- 00:13:31,770 --> 00:13:34,189 Now take the children prisoner!
- 00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:35,690 What?!
- 00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:37,818 You troublemakers shall be my guests of honor
- 00:13:37,943 --> 00:13:40,403 at the premiere of the new "Raiders of the Lost Ark."
- 00:13:40,529 --> 00:13:43,448 Your gay little club is over!
- 00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:46,076 Fuck you, Steven Spielberg! Come on, you guys!
- 00:13:46,201 --> 00:13:47,619 Oh, my God, they're gonna kill us!
- 00:13:47,744 --> 00:13:49,120 Don't even think about it, kid!
- 00:13:49,246 --> 00:13:51,957 I'm not afraid to use this walkie-talkie.
- 00:13:52,082 --> 00:13:54,793 The one with the cocaine problem escaped, mein director!
- 00:13:54,918 --> 00:13:57,671 Leave him! Let him run back to his mommy.
- 00:13:57,796 --> 00:13:59,840 We must get the film ready for the premiere.
- 00:13:59,965 --> 00:14:01,591 Lucas! Come!
- 00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:07,222 <i>Coming this summer,</i>
- 00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,099 <i>it's the digitally re-enhanced re-release</i>
- 00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:11,518 <i>of the very first pilot episode of "South Park"!</i>
- 00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:13,562 <i>Yes, the classic, rough, handmade first episode</i>
- 00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:16,022 <i>is getting a makeover for 2002!</i>
- 00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:19,276 <i>The simple, funny aliens are now super bad-ass and cool!</i>
- 00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:20,735 <i>The flying saucer?</i>
- 00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:22,487 <i>No longer cheap construction paper --</i>
- 00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:23,947 <i>but a 4.0 megapixel nondrop digital masterpiece</i>
- 00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:25,448 <i>of technology!</i>
- 00:14:25,574 --> 00:14:27,868 <i>Yes, everything's new. New is better!</i>
- 00:14:27,993 --> 00:14:29,327 When we first made "South Park,"
- 00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:30,787 we didn't want to use construction paper.
- 00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:32,873 We just had to because it was cheap.
- 00:14:32,998 --> 00:14:35,750 Now with new technology, we can finally remaster "South Park"
- 00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:37,836 to make it look sharp, clean, and focused.
- 00:14:37,961 --> 00:14:39,546 And expensive. - Mm.
- 00:14:39,671 --> 00:14:41,381 <i>Yes, all the charm of the simple little cartoon</i>
- 00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:43,341 <i>will melt before your eyes</i>
- 00:14:43,466 --> 00:14:46,094 <i>as it is replaced by newer and more standardized animation!</i>
- 00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:47,721 For instance, in the scene at the bus stop,
- 00:14:47,846 --> 00:14:49,890 we always meant to have Imperial walkers
- 00:14:50,015 --> 00:14:51,850 and giant dewback lizards in the background,
- 00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:53,894 but simply couldn't afford it.
- 00:14:54,019 --> 00:14:55,645 <i>Get this special enhanced version quick</i>
- 00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:57,147 <i>because another enhanced version</i>
- 00:14:57,272 --> 00:14:58,899 <i>will likely be coming out for 2003.</i>
- 00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:04,154 Members! U-Uh...
- 00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:06,072 Oh, Jesus. We have to do something!
- 00:15:06,197 --> 00:15:08,450 Our club's president, treasurer, and secretary
- 00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:11,119 have all been taken hostage by Steven Spielberg! Aah!
- 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,038 Prisoner? You mean like Hat?
- 00:15:13,163 --> 00:15:14,664 Yes, just like Hat!
- 00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:16,333 But the governor won't pardon Hat,
- 00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:18,335 so how can we get him out of prison?
- 00:15:18,460 --> 00:15:20,170 Yeah!
- 00:15:20,295 --> 00:15:21,796 No, listen to me!
- 00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:24,424 We're not talking about Hat right now, okay?
- 00:15:24,549 --> 00:15:25,759 Get it?!
- 00:15:25,884 --> 00:15:27,677 Look, we went to George Lucas' house
- 00:15:27,802 --> 00:15:30,180 and tried to melt his icy heart with a warm island song,
- 00:15:30,305 --> 00:15:31,473 but then Spielberg showed up
- 00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,308 and took three of our members prisoner.
- 00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,185 They're going to premiere the new "Raiders of the Lost Ark,"
- 00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:37,270 and we have to rescue them, do you understand?!
- 00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:40,523 Hey, he's got a point there.
- 00:15:40,649 --> 00:15:44,569 Yeah, maybe we could melt the governor's icy heart
- 00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:45,987 with a cool island song!
- 00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:47,030 Yeah! - Let's go!
- 00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:48,531 No! - No?
- 00:15:48,657 --> 00:15:50,200 No, he's right.
- 00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:53,119 We have to freeze his hot heart with a cool island song.
- 00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:56,206 Or is it freshen his hot temper with a cool island song?
- 00:15:56,331 --> 00:16:00,043 Let's cool his hot temper with a fresh island song!
- 00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:02,170 That's it!
- 00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:06,174 Oh, God, I'm gonna have to do this myself!
- 00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:07,217 Oh, God!
- 00:16:07,342 --> 00:16:08,510 Well, the print is finished,
- 00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:09,761 and the day has come.
- 00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:11,554 Tonight Steven Spielberg and George Lucas
- 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:13,765 will be at the premiere of the new special edition
- 00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:15,308 of "Raiders of the Lost Ark."
- 00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:17,519 Lots of celebrity guests and other rich people
- 00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:19,562 will be on hand to witness all the updated effects
- 00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:21,231 and modernized technology.
- 00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,124 Oh!
- 00:16:40,291 --> 00:16:41,251 The kid?
- 00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:43,086 The tweeked-out kid?
- 00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:44,713 I'm gonna blow up the print, Spielberg!
- 00:16:49,217 --> 00:16:51,720 Your persistence surprises even me.
- 00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:55,348 Surely you don't think you can escape from this premiere?
- 00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:57,600 That depends on how reasonable we're all willing to be.
- 00:16:57,726 --> 00:16:59,185 All I want are my friends.
- 00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:00,478 Wow.
- 00:17:00,603 --> 00:17:02,022 Except for Cartman. You can keep him.
- 00:17:02,147 --> 00:17:04,399 Hey! - And if we refuse?
- 00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,317 Then your premiere has no movie!
- 00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:08,653 He's definitely lost it. - Yep.
- 00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:09,904 Okay, okay, s-stand back.
- 00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,156 Stand back, back!
- 00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:13,992 Okay, kid, you win. Blow it up.
- 00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:17,871 <i>Zuroch! Zuroch!</i>
- 00:17:17,996 --> 00:17:20,290 Blow it back to God.
- 00:17:20,415 --> 00:17:24,127 All your life has been the pursuit of seeing a great film.
- 00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:26,504 This new version of "Raiders" has digital effects
- 00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:28,465 beyond your wildest dreams.
- 00:17:28,590 --> 00:17:31,426 You want to see it screened just as much as I.
- 00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:34,262 Come on, Tweek. Blow it up!
- 00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:37,390 Son, we are simply passing through history.
- 00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:41,186 This...is improved history.
- 00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:47,400 Do as you will.
- 00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:57,494 ♪ In the tropical isles with the coconut trees ♪
- 00:17:57,619 --> 00:18:00,663 ♪ The air is fresh, and the people are free ♪
- 00:18:00,789 --> 00:18:01,873 ♪ But here in the mountains ♪
- 00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:03,583 ♪ There's no freedom like that ♪
- 00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:07,087 ♪ There's a man in prison, and his name is Hat ♪
- 00:18:22,143 --> 00:18:24,437 <i>Haffaaa mali fi!</i>
- 00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:26,272 Thanks for coming, everyone!
- 00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,404 This is the birth of the new version
- 00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:34,739 of "Raiders of the Lost Ark."
- 00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:37,325 We shall screen it here and then destroy
- 00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:39,410 all the old prints in celebration!
- 00:18:39,536 --> 00:18:40,620 Hooray!
- 00:18:40,745 --> 00:18:42,205 Begin the film!
- 00:18:45,708 --> 00:18:47,794 Ooh! Whoa! - Wow!
- 00:18:47,919 --> 00:18:49,629 You guys! Close your eyes.
- 00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:51,005 Don't look at it! - What?!
- 00:18:51,131 --> 00:18:52,215 Don't watch the movie, you guys!
- 00:18:52,340 --> 00:18:53,508 It'll be terrible. Close your eyes!
- 00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:56,427 Ooh! Ahh! - Ahh!
- 00:18:56,553 --> 00:18:58,346 It's beautiful!
- 00:19:04,519 --> 00:19:06,104 Wait a minute.
- 00:19:06,229 --> 00:19:07,897 This version is awful!
- 00:19:08,022 --> 00:19:09,440 Yeah, they ruined it!
- 00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:11,568 Oh, my God, it's terrible!
- 00:19:11,693 --> 00:19:12,944 Aaaahhhhh!
- 00:19:13,069 --> 00:19:14,946 Aaaaaahhhhh!
- 00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:19,284 Aaahhhhhh!
- 00:19:38,386 --> 00:19:40,430 Aaaahhhhhh!
- 00:19:59,490 --> 00:20:01,492 You...you guys okay?
- 00:20:01,618 --> 00:20:03,536 Yeah, I-I think so.
- 00:20:05,288 --> 00:20:08,791 Man, that new version must have sucked balls.
- 00:20:14,172 --> 00:20:17,050 Today is a day of celebration.
- 00:20:17,175 --> 00:20:20,470 And we owe it all to these four brave young boys.
- 00:20:22,597 --> 00:20:26,142 And thanks to the bravery of this young man in particular,
- 00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:29,354 Hat McCullough is finally free from prison!
- 00:20:31,189 --> 00:20:32,523 What?
- 00:20:32,649 --> 00:20:34,359 Hat! Hat! Hat! Hat!
- 00:20:34,484 --> 00:20:37,028 Hat! Hat! Hat! Hat! Hat! Hat!
- 00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:39,530 Thank you, everyone. Kill -- Kill the innocent!
- 00:20:39,656 --> 00:20:42,450 I'm so thankful for all your support -- Rape the virgin!
- 00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:45,578 And, uh, I just wonder if I could get a baby real quick?
- 00:20:46,704 --> 00:20:48,539 Sure, give that man a baby!
- 00:20:52,126 --> 00:20:53,962 Come on, you guys, let's get out of here.
- 00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:55,713 Oh, my God!
- 00:20:57,840 --> 00:20:59,384 Do you think we did a good thing, Stan?
- 00:20:59,509 --> 00:21:01,010 I mean, no one even seemed to notice.
- 00:21:01,135 --> 00:21:02,595 Yeah, well, sometimes the things we do
- 00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:03,680 don't matter right now.
- 00:21:03,805 --> 00:21:05,348 Sometimes they matter later.
- 00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:07,225 We have to care more about later sometimes, you know?
- 00:21:07,350 --> 00:21:09,310 I think that's what separates us from the Steven Spielbergs
- 00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:10,645 and George Lucases of the world.
- 00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:12,021 That and youth. Those guys are old.
- 00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:13,231 But what about the original prints
- 00:21:13,356 --> 00:21:14,857 of "Raiders of the Lost Ark"?
- 00:21:14,983 --> 00:21:16,609 What if somebody else takes them and tries to change them?
- 00:21:16,734 --> 00:21:18,444 Don't worry, Tweek. It's somewhere safe...
- 00:21:18,569 --> 00:21:20,655 somewhere where nobody will ever find it.
- 00:00:08,968 --> 00:00:12,054 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:00:12,179 --> 00:00:13,848 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:00:13,973 --> 00:00:15,725 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:00:15,850 --> 00:00:18,602 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,187 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:00:20,312 --> 00:00:22,148 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
- 00:00:22,273 --> 00:00:25,317 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:00:25,443 --> 00:00:27,111 ♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪
- 00:00:27,236 --> 00:00:29,071 ♪ Timmy, Timmy, liv-a-la, Timmy! ♪
- 00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:32,575 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:00:35,411 --> 00:00:37,163 Oh, cool. A preview!
- 00:00:38,122 --> 00:00:40,332 <i>Coming this summer, it's the classic film</i>
- 00:00:40,458 --> 00:00:41,625 <i>that changed America --</i>
- 00:00:41,751 --> 00:00:44,170 <i>"E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, "</i>
- 00:00:44,295 --> 00:00:46,964 <i>the new redone version for 2002!</i>
- 00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:49,050 <i>All the E.T. effects have been digitally upgraded.</i>
- 00:00:49,175 --> 00:00:50,426 <i>All the guns have been digitally changed</i>
- 00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:51,886 <i>to walkie-talkies.</i>
- 00:00:52,011 --> 00:00:53,012 <i>And the word "terrorist"</i>
- 00:00:53,137 --> 00:00:54,764 <i>has been changed to "hippie."</i>
- 00:00:54,889 --> 00:00:56,348 Aw, dude, why would they do that?
- 00:00:56,474 --> 00:00:58,142 Yeah, hippies and terrorists are the same thing.
- 00:00:58,267 --> 00:01:00,019 No, dude, Spielberg changed "terrorist" to "hippie"
- 00:01:00,144 --> 00:01:02,480 to make "E.T." more P.C. - That's gay.
- 00:01:02,605 --> 00:01:04,065 <i>Coming this summer,</i>
- 00:01:04,190 --> 00:01:07,359 <i>it's the motion picture that changed America --</i>
- 00:01:07,485 --> 00:01:09,820 <i>"Saving Private Ryan, " the re-re-release,</i>
- 00:01:09,945 --> 00:01:11,405 <i>where the word "Nazi" has been changed</i>
- 00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:13,282 <i>to "persons with political differences"</i>
- 00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:15,493 <i>and all the guns have been replaced by walkie-talkies.</i>
- 00:01:15,618 --> 00:01:17,244 [ <i>Gunfire</i> ]
- 00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:18,454 <i>Oh, my God!</i>
- 00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:20,831 [ <i>Screaming</i> ]
- 00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:26,045 Why the hell do these directors keep updating their movies?
- 00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:28,422 <i>And now for your feature presentation,</i>
- 00:01:28,547 --> 00:01:30,758 <i>the classic re-re-re-release</i>
- 00:01:30,883 --> 00:01:33,511 <i>of "Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back."</i>
- 00:01:33,636 --> 00:01:34,512 [All ] Whoo-hoo!
- 00:01:41,102 --> 00:01:43,687 Aaahhh!
- 00:01:43,813 --> 00:01:45,481 God damn it, that pisses me off!
- 00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:46,982 Yeah, we want our money back!
- 00:01:47,108 --> 00:01:49,860 Sorry, suckers. - You asshole!
- 00:01:49,985 --> 00:01:51,445 Why don't they leave those movies alone?
- 00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:52,863 We liked them the way they were.
- 00:01:52,988 --> 00:01:54,698 Don't you see what this means?
- 00:01:54,824 --> 00:01:56,575 All our favorite movies are going to be changed and updated
- 00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,369 until we can't even recognize them anymore!
- 00:01:58,494 --> 00:02:00,496 Tweek is right. It isn't fair for those asshole directors
- 00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,164 to keep changing their movies and making them different.
- 00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:04,166 Movies are art, and art shouldn't be modified.
- 00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,460 Yeah, what if they had modified the Roman Colosseum every year?
- 00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:08,295 It would just be another big douchey stadium now.
- 00:02:08,420 --> 00:02:09,964 We have to do something. Let's form a club.
- 00:02:10,089 --> 00:02:11,257 Yeah, we could form a club
- 00:02:11,382 --> 00:02:12,925 that takes food stamps from poor people
- 00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:14,718 and then sells them back to the government for a profit.
- 00:02:14,844 --> 00:02:16,595 No, fat ass! I mean a club to protect films
- 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:18,472 from their directors so they can't be messed with.
- 00:02:18,597 --> 00:02:20,474 Yeah, we'll be the "Save Films from Their Own Directors" club.
- 00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:21,892 [All ] Yeah!
- 00:02:22,017 --> 00:02:23,853 No! No, no! I don't want to form a club!
- 00:02:23,978 --> 00:02:25,062 That's too much pressure!
- 00:02:25,187 --> 00:02:26,397 Look, I'm supposed to take it easy.
- 00:02:26,522 --> 00:02:27,398 Just watch the clouds, sit in the grass.
- 00:02:27,523 --> 00:02:28,858 If we form a club,
- 00:02:28,983 --> 00:02:30,276 there'll be responsibilities, commitments!
- 00:02:30,401 --> 00:02:31,527 Tweek, now, God damn it. We picked you to be
- 00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:32,987 our new friend to replace Kenny
- 00:02:33,112 --> 00:02:34,155 because we thought you were a team player.
- 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:35,656 I'm not! I'm not a team player!
- 00:02:35,781 --> 00:02:37,116 Now, either you stop with these faggotronics,
- 00:02:37,241 --> 00:02:38,534 or we'll find someone to replace you.
- 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:40,327 Oh! Oh, Jesus!
- 00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:46,458 Dude, that sign sucks. Nobody's gonna show up.
- 00:02:46,584 --> 00:02:48,419 What's wrong with it? - Look at it, dude.
- 00:02:48,544 --> 00:02:50,087 You're not offering any fabulous prizes.
- 00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:51,922 You have to offer fabulous prizes if you want people
- 00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:54,049 to show up for your stupid crap. Here.
- 00:02:56,468 --> 00:02:58,345 Free hat? - Yeah, if you offer free hats,
- 00:02:58,470 --> 00:02:59,722 maybe people will show up.
- 00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,056 But we don't have hats!
- 00:03:01,182 --> 00:03:02,391 We can just make them out of paper.
- 00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:03,642 Aah! - It's not hard.
- 00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:04,643 Just stupid little paper hats.
- 00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:05,686 People just need free stuff.
- 00:03:05,811 --> 00:03:07,188 Don't you guys know anything?
- 00:03:07,313 --> 00:03:08,647 You see? First, we were just forming a club.
- 00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:10,357 Now we have to make hats! Where does it end?!
- 00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:11,775 All right, let's go get the gymnasium ready.
- 00:03:11,901 --> 00:03:12,860 Tweek, you go make 50 hats.
- 00:03:12,985 --> 00:03:15,571 50 hats? Oh, Jesus!
- 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:18,574 Aah! I'll never make it! I'll never make it!
- 00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:19,700 Tweek! - Aah!
- 00:03:19,825 --> 00:03:20,993 Calm down, son.
- 00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:22,536 Remember what Dr. Norris told you --
- 00:03:22,661 --> 00:03:24,330 Find your center.
- 00:03:24,455 --> 00:03:26,916 My center? My...center.
- 00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:28,584 Calm.
- 00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,127 Puppies.
- 00:03:34,757 --> 00:03:37,259 Tweek! Tweek!
- 00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:38,969 Twee-e-e-k!! - Aah!
- 00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:40,763 How many hats have you made? - Oh, God!
- 00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:42,890 We only have until 10:00 a.m. tomorrow. Get the lead out.
- 00:03:43,015 --> 00:03:44,934 Aaah! Oh, God!
- 00:03:48,020 --> 00:03:49,939 You guys, we have a big problem!
- 00:03:50,064 --> 00:03:51,815 What? - I was up all night making hats.
- 00:03:51,941 --> 00:03:54,485 I only slept for an hour and then I dreamt about making hats!
- 00:03:54,610 --> 00:03:55,778 But I only made 15!
- 00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:57,780 Calm down, Tweek. 15 might be enough.
- 00:03:57,905 --> 00:04:00,032 Yeah, let's see if anyone's even shown up yet.
- 00:04:01,325 --> 00:04:03,118 [ Indistinct conversations ]
- 00:04:05,329 --> 00:04:06,997 Dude, there's like a thousand people in there.
- 00:04:07,122 --> 00:04:08,415 A thousand? Oh, Jesus, man!
- 00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:09,792 I don't have nearly a thousand hats!
- 00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:11,168 They're gonna kick your ass, Tweek.
- 00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:12,836 Aah! - Tweek, it's okay!
- 00:04:12,962 --> 00:04:14,171 Look, maybe these people all turned out
- 00:04:14,296 --> 00:04:15,881 because they believe in saving films.
- 00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:17,841 Maybe they don't even care about the free hat.
- 00:04:17,967 --> 00:04:19,969 [ Chanting ] Free Hat! Free Hat! Free Hat!
- 00:04:20,094 --> 00:04:21,637 Oh, God! - I told you guys.
- 00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,389 Never underestimate the power of a free hat.
- 00:04:23,514 --> 00:04:25,683 [ Chanting continues ]
- 00:04:25,808 --> 00:04:27,476 I got to move away, you guys! - Relax, Tweek.
- 00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:29,353 We're just gonna have to go in there and explain what happened.
- 00:04:29,478 --> 00:04:31,146 There are more important things right now than free hats.
- 00:04:31,272 --> 00:04:32,815 [ Indistinct conversations ]
- 00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:34,400 [ Cheers and applause ]
- 00:04:34,525 --> 00:04:36,694 Okay, uh, we want to thank you all for coming.
- 00:04:36,819 --> 00:04:39,321 We're really happy to see such enthusiasm for our cause.
- 00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:41,031 [ Cheers and applause ]
- 00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:42,449 One thing before I continue --
- 00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:43,659 Unfortunately, we don't have enough
- 00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,494 of the free hats for everyone.
- 00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:47,413 [ Cheers and applause stops ]
- 00:04:47,538 --> 00:04:49,415 E-Excuse me?
- 00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:52,042 Yes, we apologize, but our friend Tweek here
- 00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:53,502 didn't make enough of them. - Oh, Jesus!
- 00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:54,878 Don't tell them it was me!
- 00:04:55,004 --> 00:04:56,964 We don't care about that. - You don't?
- 00:04:57,089 --> 00:04:58,882 You mean you just came because you believe in our cause?
- 00:04:59,008 --> 00:05:01,176 Yeah, free Hat! - What?!
- 00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:04,013 Hat McCullough! He was sent to prison in '82,
- 00:05:04,138 --> 00:05:05,431 and we believe he should be released!
- 00:05:05,556 --> 00:05:06,890 Yeah!
- 00:05:07,016 --> 00:05:08,392 [ Chanting ] Free Hat! Free Hat!
- 00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:11,562 Free Hat! Free Hat! Free Hat! Free Hat!
- 00:05:11,687 --> 00:05:14,398 Okay, apparently, there's been a bit of a misunderstanding.
- 00:05:14,523 --> 00:05:17,776 This is a rally to save films from their directors.
- 00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:20,446 To do what?
- 00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:22,740 We believe that films are pieces of art that must be preserved
- 00:05:22,865 --> 00:05:24,742 from the perverse hands of their aging filmmakers.
- 00:05:24,867 --> 00:05:26,618 Oh...sorry.
- 00:05:26,744 --> 00:05:28,871 Come on, everyone. Guess we're in the wrong place.
- 00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:30,706 [ Chanting ] Free Hat! Free Hat!
- 00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,416 Wait, wait, wait, wait!
- 00:05:32,541 --> 00:05:34,251 Don't you see what's happening out there?
- 00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:36,337 The films that you all grew up with, that touched your lives
- 00:05:36,462 --> 00:05:39,131 and are a part of your soul, are now being updated and changed.
- 00:05:39,256 --> 00:05:41,925 Join us, and we can be a group that makes a difference!
- 00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:45,763 Can we also work towards freeing Hat?
- 00:05:46,722 --> 00:05:48,557 Uh, sure, and we'll also try to free Hat.
- 00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:49,725 [ Cheers and applause ]
- 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:50,851 [ Chanting ] Free Hat!
- 00:05:50,976 --> 00:05:52,478 Free Hat! Free Hat!
- 00:05:54,313 --> 00:05:57,649 212...213...214 members!
- 00:05:57,775 --> 00:05:58,942 You guys, you guys!
- 00:05:59,068 --> 00:06:00,652 Oh, God! I've got terrible news!
- 00:06:00,778 --> 00:06:02,154 What? - Ted Koppel wants us
- 00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:04,073 to appear on "Nightline" to talk about our cause!
- 00:06:04,198 --> 00:06:05,657 Really? That's great! - Yeah.
- 00:06:05,783 --> 00:06:07,951 No, it isn't, man! That is way too much pressure!
- 00:06:08,077 --> 00:06:09,453 If we go on "Nightline," the whole country can hear
- 00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:10,871 about what's happening to our classic films.
- 00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:12,998 But just remember that I do all the talking.
- 00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:14,333 You? Why?
- 00:06:14,458 --> 00:06:15,876 Because I'm the official spokesman.
- 00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:16,919 I got dibs on it.
- 00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:18,170 When did we do dibs for it?
- 00:06:18,295 --> 00:06:19,505 Just now. One, two, three -- dibs!
- 00:06:19,630 --> 00:06:21,048 Knee. - Aah!
- 00:06:21,173 --> 00:06:23,175 All right, fine. You're the spokesman, Cartman.
- 00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:24,593 But you better not screw it up!
- 00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,637 What could possibly go wrong?
- 00:06:26,762 --> 00:06:29,056 A new movement is sweeping the country,
- 00:06:29,181 --> 00:06:32,059 led by four determined boys from South Park, Colorado.
- 00:06:32,184 --> 00:06:34,520 The organization was created to protect Hollywood's
- 00:06:34,645 --> 00:06:37,022 classic films from the hands of their directors
- 00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:38,774 and also to free Hat McCullough.
- 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,609 So, boys, I'll ask you the question
- 00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:42,986 that's on everyone's minds -- Why does your organization
- 00:06:43,112 --> 00:06:44,655 want to free Hat McCullough,
- 00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:48,534 the convicted, confessed serial murderer of 23 babies?
- 00:06:50,661 --> 00:06:51,954 I believe that can best be answered
- 00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:53,705 by our official spokesman, Tweek.
- 00:06:53,831 --> 00:06:55,707 Aah! - Well, Hat McCullough
- 00:06:55,833 --> 00:06:56,917 admitted he killed those toddlers.
- 00:06:57,042 --> 00:06:58,377 Why do you want him free?
- 00:06:58,502 --> 00:07:01,296 Oh, Jesus, man! [ Cries ]
- 00:07:01,422 --> 00:07:02,923 Just answer me this, Tweek --
- 00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:05,676 What do you see as positive about toddler murder?
- 00:07:05,801 --> 00:07:09,847 Uh, uh, it's...it's easy?
- 00:07:09,972 --> 00:07:13,392 Yes, it is easy.
- 00:07:13,517 --> 00:07:15,185 All right, then, on to your other cause --
- 00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:16,728 saving films from their directors.
- 00:07:16,854 --> 00:07:18,230 What got you boys interested in this?
- 00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:20,399 Especially given your pro-toddler murder status.
- 00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:22,067 We believe that films have to be taken away
- 00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:23,402 from people like Steven Spielberg
- 00:07:23,527 --> 00:07:25,237 and George Lucas because they're insane.
- 00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:26,905 I'm glad you said that, boys, because joining us now
- 00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:28,866 are Steven Spielberg and George Lucas!
- 00:07:28,991 --> 00:07:30,409 Oh, Christ. Aah!
- 00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:32,286 Hello, Ted. - Hi, Ted.
- 00:07:32,411 --> 00:07:34,496 Gentlemen, these toddler-murder fans think that you're insane
- 00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:36,081 and shouldn't be allowed to alter your films.
- 00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:37,458 Your response? - Well, first of all,
- 00:07:37,583 --> 00:07:39,835 both George and I are very firmly against
- 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,670 the murdering of toddlers. - Hear, hear.
- 00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:43,422 Dude, that's Steven Spielberg and George Lucas.
- 00:07:43,547 --> 00:07:45,424 Get me out of here! Please! Somebody get me out of here!
- 00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:47,217 And as for altering our films, all we're doing
- 00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:49,636 is trying to reach a new audience with our movies.
- 00:07:49,761 --> 00:07:53,140 As the makers of dreams, we like to speak for the children.
- 00:07:53,265 --> 00:07:55,392 Uh, we thought we were speaking for the children.
- 00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:57,227 Yeah, we're children.
- 00:07:57,352 --> 00:07:59,438 Look, if the Beatles went back and updated "The White Album"
- 00:07:59,563 --> 00:08:00,898 every few years, what would we have now?
- 00:08:01,023 --> 00:08:03,025 Yeah, these guys are only motivated by money, Ted.
- 00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:04,193 How so? - Think about it --
- 00:08:04,318 --> 00:08:05,611 Spielberg -- Jew.
- 00:08:05,736 --> 00:08:07,821 Lucas -- Jew. Kyle -- Jew.
- 00:08:07,946 --> 00:08:09,781 Coincidence? - I'm not a Jew!
- 00:08:09,907 --> 00:08:12,242 You little brats! I-I mean, you darling children
- 00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:14,119 don't know what you're talking about.
- 00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:16,580 Changing "E.T." was the best thing I ever did.
- 00:08:16,705 --> 00:08:18,165 Dude, don't you see that it's not?
- 00:08:18,290 --> 00:08:20,250 It'd be like changing "Raiders of the Lost Ark"!
- 00:08:22,044 --> 00:08:23,545 Wait a minute. What did you say?
- 00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,422 That's brilliant! - Yes.
- 00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:26,924 Change "Raiders of the Lost Ark."
- 00:08:27,049 --> 00:08:28,300 Why didn't we think of it before?
- 00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:30,427 No! No!
- 00:08:34,306 --> 00:08:36,183 Members, this is our darkest hour.
- 00:08:36,308 --> 00:08:37,768 We've just learned that George Lucas
- 00:08:37,893 --> 00:08:39,520 and Steven Spielberg now intend to update
- 00:08:39,645 --> 00:08:41,480 and change "Raiders of the Lost Ark."
- 00:08:41,605 --> 00:08:43,357 [ Crowd murmuring ]
- 00:08:43,482 --> 00:08:45,400 There's only one way we can stop this important,
- 00:08:45,526 --> 00:08:47,027 historical piece of art from being harmed.
- 00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:49,029 Mr. Secretary? - Thank you.
- 00:08:49,154 --> 00:08:50,989 Our intelligence tells us that the original negative
- 00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:52,533 to "Raiders of the Lost Ark"
- 00:08:52,658 --> 00:08:54,201 is currently somewhere in George Lucas' house.
- 00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:56,620 We need to find and usurp that negative.
- 00:08:56,745 --> 00:08:57,871 And if we get ahold of the negative,
- 00:08:57,996 --> 00:08:59,122 they can't change the movie?
- 00:08:59,248 --> 00:09:00,499 That is our understanding.
- 00:09:00,624 --> 00:09:02,209 Sounds like a good idea to me!
- 00:09:02,334 --> 00:09:03,877 I don't want them to change "Raiders of the Lost Ark"!
- 00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:05,212 [All ] Yeah!
- 00:09:05,337 --> 00:09:06,713 Yeah, we should go get that negative
- 00:09:06,838 --> 00:09:08,799 as soon as we get Hat free! - TOGETHER: Yeah!
- 00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:10,968 [ Chanting ] Free Hat! Free Hat! Free Hat!
- 00:09:11,093 --> 00:09:12,511 No, no, no. We need to do <i>this</i> first.
- 00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:14,388 But we have to free Hat.
- 00:09:14,513 --> 00:09:17,516 It's just that, you know, he killed 23 babies.
- 00:09:17,641 --> 00:09:19,351 Yeah, but it was in self-defense!
- 00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:21,186 [All ] Yeah!
- 00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:23,564 He killed 23 babies in self-defense?
- 00:09:23,689 --> 00:09:26,316 Hat was attacked maliciously and unprovoked
- 00:09:26,441 --> 00:09:28,360 by a gang of babies in West Town Park.
- 00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:29,778 When that many babies get together,
- 00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,363 they can be like piranha.
- 00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,282 Three eyewitnesses testified
- 00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:35,033 that if Hat hadn't killed those babies,
- 00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:36,868 they'd have killed him! - [All ] Yeah!
- 00:09:36,994 --> 00:09:38,495 [ Chanting ] Free Hat! Free Hat!
- 00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:40,414 All right, all right, but right now we've got to focus
- 00:09:40,539 --> 00:09:42,249 on getting those original prints of "Raiders."
- 00:09:42,374 --> 00:09:43,959 He's right. We better split up.
- 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,836 Some of you go with the boys and get those film prints.
- 00:09:45,961 --> 00:09:47,337 The rest of us come with me
- 00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:49,172 to go talk to the governor about freeing Hat!
- 00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:50,424 [All ] Yeah!
- 00:09:50,549 --> 00:09:51,967 [ Chanting ] Free Hat! Free Hat!
- 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,885 Free Hat! Free Hat!
- 00:09:54,011 --> 00:09:55,220 Free Hat! Free Hat!
- 00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:56,930 Free Hat! Free Hat! [ Door closes ]
- 00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:58,807 Well, looks like we're gonna have to do this ourselves.
- 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,225 No, that's it! I'm out!
- 00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:02,144 I can't deal with the stress you guys create!
- 00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,437 We're just gonna fly to California
- 00:10:03,562 --> 00:10:04,771 and break into George Lucas' house.
- 00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:06,481 What's stressful about that? - Aaah!
- 00:10:06,607 --> 00:10:08,108 Okay, Tweek, let me tell you something.
- 00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:09,401 You've been our new friend now for two weeks, okay?
- 00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:10,569 And I've got to be honest with you --
- 00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:12,404 It isn't going well. - Aah!
- 00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:13,905 People aren't that into you. They find you kind of annoying.
- 00:10:14,031 --> 00:10:15,282 Now, I'd say you've got one last shot here,
- 00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:16,617 and I don't want you to blow it, okay?
- 00:10:16,742 --> 00:10:17,701 Does that help take the stress off?
- 00:10:17,826 --> 00:10:21,747 [ Suspenseful music plays ]
- 00:10:23,749 --> 00:10:26,209 Okay, go.
- 00:10:26,335 --> 00:10:27,919 I'm not breaking into George Lucas' house.
- 00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:29,379 I'm not breaking into George Lucas' house.
- 00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:31,465 I'm in a green field. - Shut up, Tweek.
- 00:10:31,590 --> 00:10:33,008 This is not the time for faggocity!
- 00:10:34,885 --> 00:10:36,053 This looks like the right room.
- 00:10:36,178 --> 00:10:38,430 I'm in a field surrounded by deer.
- 00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:40,182 Over here!
- 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:49,650 That's it!
- 00:10:49,775 --> 00:10:51,401 All right, get it, Tweek! - Nuh-unh!
- 00:10:51,526 --> 00:10:53,070 Get it, you piece of crap, before I grab your nutsac
- 00:10:53,195 --> 00:10:54,363 and twist it! - Aah!
- 00:10:58,742 --> 00:10:59,743 [ Door opens ]
- 00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:00,786 What are you doing?!
- 00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:02,704 Oh, God! Oh, Jesus!
- 00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:04,373 You're the boys from that stupid club!
- 00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:05,749 Gimme that! - Aah!
- 00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:07,376 Do with us what you will, Mr. Lucas,
- 00:11:07,501 --> 00:11:09,670 but please don't change "Raiders of the Lost Ark."
- 00:11:09,795 --> 00:11:11,171 We're gonna make it better.
- 00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:13,173 The movie's gonna be changed, and that is that!
- 00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:14,591 All right, you asked for it.
- 00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:16,176 I'm afraid you leave us no choice.
- 00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:17,511 It's time for plan "B."
- 00:11:17,636 --> 00:11:18,512 Aw, really?
- 00:11:18,637 --> 00:11:19,930 Oh, God. No, not plan "B"!
- 00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:22,557 You have a heart made of ice, Mr. Lucas,
- 00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:24,518 and so we're going to melt your icy heart
- 00:11:24,643 --> 00:11:25,936 with a cool island song.
- 00:11:26,061 --> 00:11:27,771 Gentlemen.
- 00:11:29,648 --> 00:11:31,108 What?
- 00:11:31,233 --> 00:11:33,694 Hit it, Tweek. [ Steel-drum music plays ]
- 00:11:33,819 --> 00:11:36,613 ♪ In the tropical isles with the coconut trees -- ♪
- 00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:38,073 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
- 00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:39,449 I thought we were gonna cool his hot heart
- 00:11:39,574 --> 00:11:40,575 with a cool island song.
- 00:11:40,701 --> 00:11:42,202 No, he has a icy heart.
- 00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:44,454 But you can't melt ice with a cool song, "R"-tard!
- 00:11:44,579 --> 00:11:46,915 So we have to warm his icy heart with a hot island song.
- 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,709 It's a cool island song!
- 00:11:48,834 --> 00:11:50,127 Well, then we're gonna end up freezing his hellish heart
- 00:11:50,252 --> 00:11:51,128 with a cool island song.
- 00:11:51,253 --> 00:11:52,379 Aw, do we want to do that?
- 00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:53,839 All right, that does it!
- 00:11:55,257 --> 00:11:57,342 Yes, thank you, Officer.
- 00:11:57,467 --> 00:11:59,052 The police are on their way, boys.
- 00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:00,220 Soon you'll be in jail
- 00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:01,972 - getting rammed! - Aah!
- 00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:03,849 Those rams can do to us what they will, Mr. Lucas,
- 00:12:03,974 --> 00:12:05,809 but we'll never stop trying to protect films!
- 00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:07,769 It's not too late to do what's right.
- 00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,229 Give us the print.
- 00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:10,605 There's still some good in you, Mr. Lucas.
- 00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:11,732 We know there is!
- 00:12:14,025 --> 00:12:16,278 It is...too late for me, boys.
- 00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:17,904 You yourself led the campaign
- 00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:19,406 against the colorization of films.
- 00:12:19,531 --> 00:12:21,658 You understand why films shouldn't be changed.
- 00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:23,076 That's different.
- 00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:25,537 These are <i>my</i> movies. I made them.
- 00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:28,415 And I have the right to do whatever I want with them.
- 00:12:28,540 --> 00:12:29,708 You're wrong, Mr. Lucas.
- 00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:30,959 They're not your movies.
- 00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:32,586 They're ours...all of ours.
- 00:12:32,711 --> 00:12:34,504 We paid to go see them, and they're just as much
- 00:12:34,629 --> 00:12:36,214 a part of our lives as they are of yours.
- 00:12:36,339 --> 00:12:37,632 When an artist creates,
- 00:12:37,758 --> 00:12:40,051 whatever they create belongs to society.
- 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,514 Have I...become so old
- 00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:46,725 that I've forgotten what being an artist is about?
- 00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:49,144 Give the print to us so that we can protect it from Spielberg
- 00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:50,729 and anyone else who wants to alter it.
- 00:12:52,189 --> 00:12:54,608 Perhaps...you are right.
- 00:12:54,733 --> 00:12:56,651 [ Door opens ] - Stop!
- 00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:58,570 What are you doing, George?
- 00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:00,113 Steven, I-I --
- 00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:01,615 Give me that print, George.
- 00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:04,451 We need to make the alterations.
- 00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:06,745 Steven, these boys had a point.
- 00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:09,122 I don't remember what it was, but it was good.
- 00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:10,957 You haven't let these doe-eyed children
- 00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:13,084 affect your judgment, have you, George?
- 00:13:13,210 --> 00:13:16,463 Don't forget -- You belong to me.
- 00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:18,006 Don't listen to him!
- 00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,383 You still have a chance to preserve your film!
- 00:13:25,806 --> 00:13:28,058 I'm...I'm sorry, boys.
- 00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:31,645 [ Laughs evilly ]
- 00:13:31,770 --> 00:13:34,189 Now take the children prisoner!
- 00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:35,690 What?!
- 00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:37,818 You troublemakers shall be my guests of honor
- 00:13:37,943 --> 00:13:40,403 at the premiere of the new "Raiders of the Lost Ark."
- 00:13:40,529 --> 00:13:43,448 Your gay little club is over!
- 00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:46,076 Fuck you, Steven Spielberg! Come on, you guys!
- 00:13:46,201 --> 00:13:47,619 Oh, my God, they're gonna kill us!
- 00:13:47,744 --> 00:13:49,120 Don't even think about it, kid!
- 00:13:49,246 --> 00:13:51,957 I'm not afraid to use this walkie-talkie.
- 00:13:52,082 --> 00:13:54,793 The one with the cocaine problem escaped, mein director!
- 00:13:54,918 --> 00:13:57,671 Leave him! Let him run back to his mommy.
- 00:13:57,796 --> 00:13:59,840 We must get the film ready for the premiere.
- 00:13:59,965 --> 00:14:01,591 Lucas! Come!
- 00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:07,222 <i>Coming this summer,</i>
- 00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,099 <i>it's the digitally re-enhanced re-release</i>
- 00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:11,518 <i>of the very first pilot episode of "South Park"!</i>
- 00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:13,562 <i>Yes, the classic, rough, handmade first episode</i>
- 00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:16,022 <i>is getting a makeover for 2002!</i>
- 00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:19,276 <i>The simple, funny aliens are now super bad-ass and cool!</i>
- 00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:20,735 <i>The flying saucer?</i>
- 00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:22,487 <i>No longer cheap construction paper --</i>
- 00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:23,947 <i>but a 4.0 megapixel nondrop digital masterpiece</i>
- 00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:25,448 <i>of technology!</i>
- 00:14:25,574 --> 00:14:27,868 <i>Yes, everything's new. New is better!</i>
- 00:14:27,993 --> 00:14:29,327 When we first made "South Park,"
- 00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:30,787 we didn't want to use construction paper.
- 00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:32,873 We just had to because it was cheap.
- 00:14:32,998 --> 00:14:35,750 Now with new technology, we can finally remaster "South Park"
- 00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:37,836 to make it look sharp, clean, and focused.
- 00:14:37,961 --> 00:14:39,546 And expensive. - Mm.
- 00:14:39,671 --> 00:14:41,381 <i>Yes, all the charm of the simple little cartoon</i>
- 00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:43,341 <i>will melt before your eyes</i>
- 00:14:43,466 --> 00:14:46,094 <i>as it is replaced by newer and more standardized animation!</i>
- 00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:47,721 For instance, in the scene at the bus stop,
- 00:14:47,846 --> 00:14:49,890 we always meant to have Imperial walkers
- 00:14:50,015 --> 00:14:51,850 and giant dewback lizards in the background,
- 00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:53,894 but simply couldn't afford it.
- 00:14:54,019 --> 00:14:55,645 <i>Get this special enhanced version quick</i>
- 00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:57,147 <i>because another enhanced version</i>
- 00:14:57,272 --> 00:14:58,899 <i>will likely be coming out for 2003.</i>
- 00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:04,154 Members! U-Uh...
- 00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:06,072 Oh, Jesus. We have to do something!
- 00:15:06,197 --> 00:15:08,450 Our club's president, treasurer, and secretary
- 00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:11,119 have all been taken hostage by Steven Spielberg! Aah!
- 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,038 Prisoner? You mean like Hat?
- 00:15:13,163 --> 00:15:14,664 Yes, just like Hat!
- 00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:16,333 But the governor won't pardon Hat,
- 00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:18,335 so how can we get him out of prison?
- 00:15:18,460 --> 00:15:20,170 [All ] Yeah!
- 00:15:20,295 --> 00:15:21,796 No, listen to me!
- 00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:24,424 We're not talking about Hat right now, okay?
- 00:15:24,549 --> 00:15:25,759 Get it?!
- 00:15:25,884 --> 00:15:27,677 Look, we went to George Lucas' house
- 00:15:27,802 --> 00:15:30,180 and tried to melt his icy heart with a warm island song,
- 00:15:30,305 --> 00:15:31,473 but then Spielberg showed up
- 00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,308 and took three of our members prisoner.
- 00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,185 They're going to premiere the new "Raiders of the Lost Ark,"
- 00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:37,270 and we have to rescue them, do you understand?!
- 00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:40,523 Hey, he's got a point there.
- 00:15:40,649 --> 00:15:44,569 Yeah, maybe we could melt the governor's icy heart
- 00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:45,987 with a cool island song!
- 00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:47,030 Yeah! - Let's go!
- 00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:48,531 No! - No?
- 00:15:48,657 --> 00:15:50,200 No, he's right.
- 00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:53,119 We have to freeze his hot heart with a cool island song.
- 00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:56,206 Or is it freshen his hot temper with a cool island song?
- 00:15:56,331 --> 00:16:00,043 Let's cool his hot temper with a fresh island song!
- 00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:02,170 That's it! [ Indistinct shouting ]
- 00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:06,174 Oh, God, I'm gonna have to do this myself!
- 00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:07,217 Oh, God!
- 00:16:07,342 --> 00:16:08,510 Well, the print is finished,
- 00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:09,761 and the day has come.
- 00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:11,554 Tonight Steven Spielberg and George Lucas
- 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:13,765 will be at the premiere of the new special edition
- 00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:15,308 of "Raiders of the Lost Ark."
- 00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:17,519 Lots of celebrity guests and other rich people
- 00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:19,562 will be on hand to witness all the updated effects
- 00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:21,231 and modernized technology.
- 00:16:21,356 --> 00:16:23,984 [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,124 Oh!
- 00:16:40,291 --> 00:16:41,251 The kid?
- 00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:43,086 The tweeked-out kid?
- 00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:44,713 I'm gonna blow up the print, Spielberg!
- 00:16:47,215 --> 00:16:49,092 [ Walkie-talkies cocking ]
- 00:16:49,217 --> 00:16:51,720 Your persistence surprises even me.
- 00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:55,348 Surely you don't think you can escape from this premiere?
- 00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:57,600 That depends on how reasonable we're all willing to be.
- 00:16:57,726 --> 00:16:59,185 All I want are my friends.
- 00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:00,478 Wow.
- 00:17:00,603 --> 00:17:02,022 Except for Cartman. You can keep him.
- 00:17:02,147 --> 00:17:04,399 Hey! - And if we refuse?
- 00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,317 Then your premiere has no movie!
- 00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:08,653 He's definitely lost it. - Yep.
- 00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:09,904 Okay, okay, s-stand back.
- 00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,156 Stand back, back!
- 00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:13,992 Okay, kid, you win. Blow it up.
- 00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:17,871 <i>Zuroch! Zuroch!</i>
- 00:17:17,996 --> 00:17:20,290 Blow it back to God.
- 00:17:20,415 --> 00:17:24,127 All your life has been the pursuit of seeing a great film.
- 00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:26,504 This new version of "Raiders" has digital effects
- 00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:28,465 beyond your wildest dreams.
- 00:17:28,590 --> 00:17:31,426 You want to see it screened just as much as I.
- 00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:34,262 Come on, Tweek. Blow it up!
- 00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:37,390 Son, we are simply passing through history.
- 00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:41,186 This...is improved history.
- 00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:47,400 Do as you will.
- 00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:49,986 [ Grunts ]
- 00:17:50,111 --> 00:17:51,738 [ Walkie-talkies cocking ]
- 00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:57,494 ♪ In the tropical isles with the coconut trees ♪
- 00:17:57,619 --> 00:18:00,663 ♪ The air is fresh, and the people are free ♪
- 00:18:00,789 --> 00:18:01,873 ♪ But here in the mountains ♪
- 00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:03,583 ♪ There's no freedom like that ♪
- 00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:07,087 ♪ There's a man in prison, and his name is Hat ♪
- 00:18:09,881 --> 00:18:12,425 [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:18:22,143 --> 00:18:24,437 <i>Haffaaa mali fi!</i>
- 00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:26,272 Thanks for coming, everyone!
- 00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,404 This is the birth of the new version
- 00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:34,739 of "Raiders of the Lost Ark."
- 00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:37,325 We shall screen it here and then destroy
- 00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:39,410 all the old prints in celebration!
- 00:18:39,536 --> 00:18:40,620 [All ] Hooray!
- 00:18:40,745 --> 00:18:42,205 Begin the film!
- 00:18:45,708 --> 00:18:47,794 Ooh! Whoa! - Wow!
- 00:18:47,919 --> 00:18:49,629 You guys! Close your eyes.
- 00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:51,005 Don't look at it! - What?!
- 00:18:51,131 --> 00:18:52,215 Don't watch the movie, you guys!
- 00:18:52,340 --> 00:18:53,508 It'll be terrible. Close your eyes!
- 00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:56,427 Ooh! Ahh! - Ahh!
- 00:18:56,553 --> 00:18:58,346 It's beautiful!
- 00:19:00,932 --> 00:19:02,642 [ Ewoks chattering ]
- 00:19:04,519 --> 00:19:06,104 Wait a minute.
- 00:19:06,229 --> 00:19:07,897 This version is awful!
- 00:19:08,022 --> 00:19:09,440 Yeah, they ruined it!
- 00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:11,568 Oh, my God, it's terrible!
- 00:19:11,693 --> 00:19:12,944 Aaaahhhhh!
- 00:19:13,069 --> 00:19:14,946 Aaaaaahhhhh!
- 00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:19,284 Aaahhhhhh!
- 00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:22,871 [ Screaming ]
- 00:19:29,294 --> 00:19:32,088 [ Screaming ]
- 00:19:32,213 --> 00:19:34,007 [ Screaming ]
- 00:19:38,386 --> 00:19:40,430 Aaaahhhhhh!
- 00:19:59,490 --> 00:20:01,492 You...you guys okay?
- 00:20:01,618 --> 00:20:03,536 Yeah, I-I think so.
- 00:20:05,288 --> 00:20:08,791 Man, that new version must have sucked balls.
- 00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:11,544 [ Cheering, "The Stars and Stripes Forever" plays ]
- 00:20:14,172 --> 00:20:17,050 Today is a day of celebration.
- 00:20:17,175 --> 00:20:20,470 And we owe it all to these four brave young boys.
- 00:20:20,595 --> 00:20:22,472 [ Cheers and applause ]
- 00:20:22,597 --> 00:20:26,142 And thanks to the bravery of this young man in particular,
- 00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:29,354 Hat McCullough is finally free from prison!
- 00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:31,064 [ Cheers and applause ]
- 00:20:31,189 --> 00:20:32,523 What?
- 00:20:32,649 --> 00:20:34,359 [ Chanting ] Hat! Hat! Hat! Hat!
- 00:20:34,484 --> 00:20:37,028 Hat! Hat! Hat! Hat! Hat! Hat!
- 00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:39,530 Thank you, everyone. Kill -- Kill the innocent!
- 00:20:39,656 --> 00:20:42,450 I'm so thankful for all your support -- Rape the virgin!
- 00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:45,578 And, uh, I just wonder if I could get a baby real quick?
- 00:20:46,704 --> 00:20:48,539 Sure, give that man a baby!
- 00:20:48,665 --> 00:20:50,333 [ Cheers and applause ]
- 00:20:52,126 --> 00:20:53,962 Come on, you guys, let's get out of here.
- 00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:55,713 Oh, my God!
- 00:20:57,840 --> 00:20:59,384 Do you think we did a good thing, Stan?
- 00:20:59,509 --> 00:21:01,010 I mean, no one even seemed to notice.
- 00:21:01,135 --> 00:21:02,595 Yeah, well, sometimes the things we do
- 00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:03,680 don't matter right now.
- 00:21:03,805 --> 00:21:05,348 Sometimes they matter later.
- 00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:07,225 We have to care more about later sometimes, you know?
- 00:21:07,350 --> 00:21:09,310 I think that's what separates us from the Steven Spielbergs
- 00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:10,645 and George Lucases of the world.
- 00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:12,021 That and youth. Those guys are old.
- 00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:13,231 But what about the original prints
- 00:21:13,356 --> 00:21:14,857 of "Raiders of the Lost Ark"?
- 00:21:14,983 --> 00:21:16,609 What if somebody else takes them and tries to change them?
- 00:21:16,734 --> 00:21:18,444 Don't worry, Tweek. It's somewhere safe...
- 00:21:18,569 --> 00:21:20,655 somewhere where nobody will ever find it.
- 00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:22,782 [ Dramatic music plays ]