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Скотт Тенорман должен умереть
Scott Tenorman Must Die
Сезон: 05Серия: 04
Старшеклассник Скотт Тенорман выставляет Эрика Картмана на посмешище, продав ему свои лобковые волосы. Тот решает жестоко отомстить.
- 00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:10,428 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:10,553 --> 00:00:12,221 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,181 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:00:14,306 --> 00:00:15,641 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:16,892 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:17,018 --> 00:00:19,145 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:00:19,270 --> 00:00:20,688 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:00:20,813 --> 00:00:22,231 ♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪
- 00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:23,524 ♪ Headin' on up to South Park ♪
- 00:00:23,649 --> 00:00:25,818 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:30,156 ♪ Come on down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:30,281 --> 00:00:32,116 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:34,869 ♪ Do do do doo ♪
- 00:00:34,994 --> 00:00:37,329 ♪ Da da da da daa ya da da daa ♪
- 00:00:37,455 --> 00:00:39,290 ♪ Do do doo da da daa ♪
- 00:00:39,415 --> 00:00:41,417 ♪ Hey-de hey-de how's it going, guys ♪
- 00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,210 What the hell you so happy about, fat ass?
- 00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:44,754 Oh, nothing, no big deal, really.
- 00:00:44,879 --> 00:00:46,338 What's no big deal?
- 00:00:46,464 --> 00:00:48,090 Well, guys, it seems that I am the first one of us
- 00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:50,134 to reach manhood after all.
- 00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:51,927 What the hell are you talking about?
- 00:00:52,053 --> 00:00:53,804 Well, because unlike you guys,
- 00:00:53,929 --> 00:00:56,098 I just got my first pubes.
- 00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:58,184 ♪ Ya da da da ya da da dee ♪
- 00:00:58,309 --> 00:01:00,019 You got pubes? - What's pubes?
- 00:01:00,144 --> 00:01:01,854 Pubic hair. He's saying he got his first pubic hair.
- 00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:03,230 Oh. No, you didn't!
- 00:01:03,355 --> 00:01:05,316 Oh, yes, I did. I'm becoming a man.
- 00:01:05,441 --> 00:01:06,609 He's lying.
- 00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:07,777 You wanna see 'em? - Hell, no!
- 00:01:07,902 --> 00:01:09,028 Here, check 'em out.
- 00:01:09,153 --> 00:01:10,196 We don't wanna see them, Cartman!
- 00:01:10,321 --> 00:01:11,363 There, see?
- 00:01:11,489 --> 00:01:12,948 How do you like them apples?
- 00:01:13,074 --> 00:01:14,075 Ha!
- 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:15,367 What are those? - My pubes.
- 00:01:15,493 --> 00:01:17,036 What? - I got 'em from Scott Tenorman.
- 00:01:17,161 --> 00:01:18,454 Scott Tenorman-- the ninth grader?
- 00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:20,498 Yep, he let me have 'em for just 10 bucks.
- 00:01:20,623 --> 00:01:22,041 Ha, ha, ha!
- 00:01:22,166 --> 00:01:23,167 ♪ I got pubes before you guys did ♪
- 00:01:23,292 --> 00:01:24,668 ♪ I got pubes before you guys ♪
- 00:01:24,794 --> 00:01:26,462 ♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ♪
- 00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,464 Cartman, you are so goddamn stupid, it's unbelievable.
- 00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:30,633 Ah-ha, don't be jealous, guys.
- 00:01:30,758 --> 00:01:32,343 This doesn't mean we can't still hang out.
- 00:01:32,468 --> 00:01:34,345 It just means that I matured faster than you.
- 00:01:34,470 --> 00:01:36,388 You'll get your pubes, guys, someday.
- 00:01:36,514 --> 00:01:38,349 Cartman, you don't buy pubes, you grow them yourself.
- 00:01:38,474 --> 00:01:39,391 Wh-what?
- 00:01:39,517 --> 00:01:40,976 When you get old enough,
- 00:01:41,102 --> 00:01:42,436 you grow your own pubic hair that's attached to you,
- 00:01:42,561 --> 00:01:43,562 you fucking dumbass!
- 00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:46,190 Nuh-uh. - Yeah-huh.
- 00:01:46,315 --> 00:01:47,983 But then why would Scott Tenorman
- 00:01:48,109 --> 00:01:49,610 sell me his pubes for $10?
- 00:01:49,735 --> 00:01:51,195 Because, retard, you're dumb enough
- 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:54,949 to buy Scott Tenorman's pubes for $10.
- 00:01:55,074 --> 00:01:56,659 You're telling me these pubes are worth nothing?
- 00:01:56,784 --> 00:01:58,160 Yeah.
- 00:01:58,285 --> 00:01:59,370 I'm gonna get that son of a bitch.
- 00:01:59,495 --> 00:02:01,163 And so I told him, I said,
- 00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,290 "Here, I'll sell you my pubes for only 10 bucks."
- 00:02:03,415 --> 00:02:04,708 And the stupid asshole buys them.
- 00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:07,837 Speak of the devil. What do you want?
- 00:02:07,962 --> 00:02:09,338 Uh, yes, I've come to return these pubes
- 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:10,464 that I purchased, please.
- 00:02:10,589 --> 00:02:11,757 Uh-uh, I don't take returns.
- 00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:13,259 Right, but you see,
- 00:02:13,384 --> 00:02:15,010 I didn't realize when I bought these pubes from you
- 00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:16,303 that you were full of shit,
- 00:02:16,428 --> 00:02:17,888 so you can either give me back my $10,
- 00:02:18,013 --> 00:02:19,765 or I can go tell my mom on you.
- 00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:21,100 You would actually tell your mom
- 00:02:21,225 --> 00:02:23,060 that you were stupid enough to pay for my pubes?
- 00:02:23,185 --> 00:02:24,395 Uh-uh, I don't think so.
- 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:25,354 Just give me back my money.
- 00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:26,647 Buyer beware, dude.
- 00:02:26,772 --> 00:02:27,940 Give me my $10, Scott.
- 00:02:28,065 --> 00:02:29,316 Hey, I said no.
- 00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:30,818 Now, get your fat little butt out of here
- 00:02:30,943 --> 00:02:33,612 before I kick your head in.
- 00:02:39,076 --> 00:02:40,536 Hello, sir, my name is Kris Kristofferson.
- 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,371 I'm with the IRS.
- 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,957 I'm here to collect $10 that you owe in back taxes.
- 00:02:45,082 --> 00:02:46,292 You're not from the IRS.
- 00:02:46,417 --> 00:02:48,252 You glued my pubes onto your face.
- 00:02:48,377 --> 00:02:51,130 Tax evasion is a very serious offense, sir.
- 00:02:51,255 --> 00:02:53,007 I suggest that you-- all right, all right.
- 00:02:53,132 --> 00:02:54,592 I'll trade you my pubes back for the money.
- 00:02:54,717 --> 00:02:56,177 You will? Oh, cool!
- 00:02:56,302 --> 00:02:58,804 How much did I charge? Oh, yeah, $10.
- 00:02:58,929 --> 00:03:00,181 You got change for a $20?
- 00:03:00,306 --> 00:03:01,807 Oh, uh...
- 00:03:01,932 --> 00:03:04,268 I only got $6.12.
- 00:03:04,393 --> 00:03:06,395 Oh, well, that's okay.
- 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,439 Here, just give me the $6.
- 00:03:08,564 --> 00:03:10,649 And then I'll give you the $20. - Okay.
- 00:03:10,774 --> 00:03:12,693 Now, give me the pubes, and I'll give you back $2.
- 00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:14,236 - Right. Now, give me the 12ȼ.
- 00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:15,946 And I'll give you the rest of your change back.
- 00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:17,740 Cool.
- 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:19,283 And then give me the $20, and I'll give you the pubes.
- 00:03:19,408 --> 00:03:20,659 Sweet!
- 00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:21,952 Uh-- ah, God damn it!
- 00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:24,997 That asshole.
- 00:03:25,122 --> 00:03:26,415 That big, smelly, ass-sniffing asshole.
- 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:27,708 I'm gonna get him!
- 00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:28,876 Cartman, can I give you some advice?
- 00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:30,502 What? - Just let it go, dude.
- 00:03:30,628 --> 00:03:33,589 You're only out $16.12. Count your losses and move on.
- 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:34,882 He's smarter than you.
- 00:03:35,007 --> 00:03:36,133 He is not smarter than me!
- 00:03:36,258 --> 00:03:37,134 He just charmed me, that's all.
- 00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:38,761 He's a charmer, that Scott Tenorman,
- 00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:40,888 but I'll get him someday.
- 00:03:41,013 --> 00:03:42,681 One, please. - One, please.
- 00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:44,099 One, please.
- 00:03:44,225 --> 00:03:45,768 One, please.
- 00:03:50,648 --> 00:03:52,233 That'll be $6.
- 00:03:52,358 --> 00:03:55,110 Okay, and how much is that in pubes?
- 00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:56,820 We don't take pubes.
- 00:03:56,946 --> 00:03:58,447 Listen, my money is as good as anybody's.
- 00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,366 Don't you...discriminate against my people
- 00:04:00,491 --> 00:04:02,159 by not accepting these pubes.
- 00:04:02,284 --> 00:04:04,328 We don't take pubes, end of story!
- 00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:05,579 Racist!
- 00:04:07,623 --> 00:04:09,083 Scott, Scott!
- 00:04:09,208 --> 00:04:10,125 Courtney Love is in South Park!
- 00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:11,794 She's all drunk and spreading her legs
- 00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,671 and showing her "poonaner" to everybody!
- 00:04:13,796 --> 00:04:15,631 You gotta go check it out! I'll watch your house for you.
- 00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:16,924 Okay, I'll buy the pubes back. Here.
- 00:04:17,049 --> 00:04:18,425 What? $16, take it.
- 00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:19,969 I'll even throw in an extra five.
- 00:04:20,094 --> 00:04:21,679 Here. Give me back my pubes.
- 00:04:21,804 --> 00:04:23,973 Why do you want them back so much?
- 00:04:24,098 --> 00:04:25,599 No reason. - I don't believe you.
- 00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:26,684 All right, all right.
- 00:04:26,809 --> 00:04:27,893 The pube fair in Fort Collins.
- 00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:29,436 Pube fair?
- 00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:30,896 They're paying five bucks a hair for pubes.
- 00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:32,439 If I leave now, I can catch the last bus.
- 00:04:32,564 --> 00:04:33,857 Five bucks a hair?
- 00:04:33,983 --> 00:04:35,442 That's, like, a million dollars!
- 00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:36,652 Here, take your money.
- 00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:38,028 Ha, ha, I don't think so, Scott.
- 00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:40,322 I'm going to Fort Collins myself.
- 00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:42,574 Oh, you can't do this to me. No!
- 00:04:42,700 --> 00:04:44,159 Ha, ha, sure right you are, Scott.
- 00:04:44,285 --> 00:04:46,704 Have you no heart?
- 00:04:46,829 --> 00:04:48,664 Ha, ha, what a stupid asshole!
- 00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:50,165 Heh, heh, heh.
- 00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:54,920 Ha, ha, hoo! $1 million!
- 00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:56,005 Whoo! Ah!
- 00:05:00,134 --> 00:05:01,802 Ha, ha, ha.
- 00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:03,887 Heh.
- 00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:07,808 Uh, excuse me, sir. - Yes?
- 00:05:07,933 --> 00:05:09,268 Can you tell me where the pube fair is?
- 00:05:09,393 --> 00:05:10,519 The pube fair?
- 00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:11,979 Yeah, I've got some pubes to sell.
- 00:05:12,104 --> 00:05:14,898 There's no such thing, you little smart-ass.
- 00:05:15,024 --> 00:05:16,608 No-- no such thing?
- 00:05:16,734 --> 00:05:18,819 Hey, you wouldn't happen to be Eric Cart-man, would you?
- 00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:19,862 I'm Eric <i>Cartman.</i>
- 00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:21,155 Oh, I think this is for you.
- 00:05:28,412 --> 00:05:30,039 Ahhhh!
- 00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:36,754 106 miles, Scott.
- 00:05:36,879 --> 00:05:39,715 I had to ride 106 miles in the back of a pickup truck
- 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:40,966 to get back here.
- 00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:42,760 You really went? What a 'tard.
- 00:05:42,885 --> 00:05:44,428 All right, Scott, you win. I give up.
- 00:05:44,553 --> 00:05:45,679 You do?
- 00:05:45,804 --> 00:05:47,056 Wow, you're not as stupid as I thought.
- 00:05:47,181 --> 00:05:48,807 Yeah, I'll see you around.
- 00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:51,143 Sure is too bad about my grandma, though.
- 00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:52,561 Your grandma? - Huh?
- 00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,646 Oh, it's not really your concern.
- 00:05:54,772 --> 00:05:56,899 It's just that, well, my grandma is in the hospital.
- 00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,817 She's very sick.
- 00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:01,987 Doctors say unless I can come up with $16 for her operation,
- 00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:03,447 they're gonna put her down.
- 00:06:03,572 --> 00:06:06,492 Oh, jeez, I didn't realize that.
- 00:06:06,617 --> 00:06:08,410 Yeah, poor grandma.
- 00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:11,080 Hey, kid, hold on a second.
- 00:06:11,205 --> 00:06:13,457 I'll get your money.
- 00:06:13,582 --> 00:06:15,042 Heh, heh, heh.
- 00:06:15,167 --> 00:06:18,003 He's such a douche.
- 00:06:18,128 --> 00:06:19,380 here you go.
- 00:06:19,505 --> 00:06:20,839 Oh, wow, thanks a lot, Scott.
- 00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:23,258 But just one thing before I give it to you.
- 00:06:23,384 --> 00:06:24,009 What?
- 00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:27,262 I just--well, I want to you beg for it.
- 00:06:27,388 --> 00:06:28,180 Huh?
- 00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:29,306 Just get down on your knees and beg me for the money.
- 00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:30,599 Why?
- 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,309 Do you want your grandma to live or not?
- 00:06:32,434 --> 00:06:33,936 Please, Scott, give me my money.
- 00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:36,855 No, no, get down on your knees.
- 00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:38,607 Lower your head...
- 00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:42,611 And say, "I beg you to give me back my money."
- 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,196 I beg you to give me back my money.
- 00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:46,115 Now say, "I'm a little piggy."
- 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:48,450 What? - Say it.
- 00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:49,952 I'm a little piggy.
- 00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:52,788 "Here's my snout." - Here's my snout.
- 00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:55,249 "Oink, oink, oink." oink, oink, oink.
- 00:06:55,374 --> 00:06:58,585 Now, dance, little piggy. Dance and oink for me.
- 00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:02,798 ♪ I'm a little piggy, here's my snout ♪
- 00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:05,634 ♪ Oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink ♪
- 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,094 ♪ I'm a little piggy-♪
- 00:07:07,219 --> 00:07:08,512 All right, now, give me back my money!
- 00:07:08,637 --> 00:07:10,806 You mean this?
- 00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,975 You really care that much about 16 measly dollars?
- 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,810 I mean, what can you buy with $16?
- 00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:16,687 My parents give me a $50-a-week allowance.
- 00:07:16,812 --> 00:07:18,063 This pittance means nothing to me.
- 00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:19,314 Watch.
- 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,233 Wh-what are you doing?
- 00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:27,156 No, no. Why?
- 00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:28,949 Now you can't bug me for your dumb money.
- 00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:52,598 Concerned citizens, I thank you for coming.
- 00:07:52,723 --> 00:07:54,057 I know that you're all deeply troubled
- 00:07:54,183 --> 00:07:55,893 and want to find a quick and painful way
- 00:07:56,018 --> 00:07:59,271 to get rid of Scott Tenorman once and for all.
- 00:07:59,396 --> 00:08:00,564 Yes, Clyde? - Who's Scott Tenorman?
- 00:08:00,689 --> 00:08:01,732 Yeah.
- 00:08:01,857 --> 00:08:03,150 Scott Tenorman is an eighth grader
- 00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:04,401 who sold Cartman his pubes for $10,
- 00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:05,194 and now Cartman's all pissed off.
- 00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:07,404 $16.12.
- 00:08:07,529 --> 00:08:08,822 He is a disease.
- 00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:10,157 He is a cold, calculating man,
- 00:08:10,282 --> 00:08:11,658 and I will have revenge!
- 00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:13,368 What are you gonna do?
- 00:08:13,494 --> 00:08:14,828 Did you guys see that movie <i>Hannibal,</i>
- 00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:16,580 where the deformed guy trained giant pigs
- 00:08:16,705 --> 00:08:18,207 to eat his enemy alive?
- 00:08:18,332 --> 00:08:20,792 Well, if we find a pony, we can train it,
- 00:08:20,918 --> 00:08:23,921 train it to bite off Scott Tenorman's wiener.
- 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:27,174 It will be painful and humiliating.
- 00:08:27,299 --> 00:08:28,759 Everyone will see it happen.
- 00:08:28,884 --> 00:08:30,677 And then Scott Tenorman will forever be known
- 00:08:30,802 --> 00:08:33,096 as the kid who had his wiener bitten off by a pony!
- 00:08:33,222 --> 00:08:34,640 Ha, ha, ha, ha!
- 00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:36,141 What's in it for us? - What?
- 00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:37,518 Yeah, why should we all care
- 00:08:37,643 --> 00:08:38,936 about getting Scott Tenorman back for you?
- 00:08:39,061 --> 00:08:41,230 Oh, right. Why should we care?
- 00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:43,398 Yes, why should we care? Indeed.
- 00:08:43,524 --> 00:08:47,194 Let's just let Scott Tenorman walk away with my $16.12.
- 00:08:47,319 --> 00:08:49,279 Hell, let's let all the Scott Tenormans of the world
- 00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:50,948 take what's ours and laugh in our faces.
- 00:08:51,073 --> 00:08:52,533 Why stand up for yourself when you can just
- 00:08:52,658 --> 00:08:54,326 walk out of here right now and say
- 00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:55,869 it's not your problem?
- 00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:58,372 But years from now, when you're old
- 00:08:58,497 --> 00:09:00,165 and have children of your own,
- 00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:03,252 what would you give to come back and fight this one day,
- 00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:05,837 this one day, where you could have made a difference,
- 00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:07,422 where you could've told Scott Tenorman,
- 00:09:07,548 --> 00:09:08,882 "you may take our pride,
- 00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:11,927 but you'll never take my goddamn $16.12?"
- 00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,178 Now, who's with me?
- 00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:15,097 Timmy!
- 00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:16,682 Christ.
- 00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:18,475 All right, I guess it's just you and me, Timmy.
- 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:20,519 Oh, no, not Timmy.
- 00:09:25,399 --> 00:09:27,067 There we go.
- 00:09:27,192 --> 00:09:29,611 Come and get it!
- 00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,863 Come on, pony, bite the wiener.
- 00:09:31,989 --> 00:09:33,907 Bite it.
- 00:09:34,032 --> 00:09:35,367 Come on, good pony.
- 00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:36,994 That's it.
- 00:09:37,119 --> 00:09:38,203 Now, bite it off!
- 00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:40,581 Bite off the wiener. Good pony!
- 00:09:40,706 --> 00:09:42,791 Oh, no, pony, he'll like that.
- 00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:45,168 Eric, are you training that pony to please you?
- 00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:47,671 No, I'm trying to teach it how to bite someone's penis off.
- 00:09:47,796 --> 00:09:49,298 Oh.
- 00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:51,133 Well, does Mr. Jenkins know you're using his pony?
- 00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:52,801 He shoots trespassers on sight, you know.
- 00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:53,802 He said it was okay.
- 00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:55,512 All right, then. Wait.
- 00:09:55,637 --> 00:09:57,347 What the hell are you training Jenkins' pony
- 00:09:57,472 --> 00:09:58,599 to bite off someone's penis?
- 00:09:58,724 --> 00:10:01,727 Because... of Scott Tenorman.
- 00:10:01,852 --> 00:10:04,479 I hate him, and I want to make him suffer.
- 00:10:04,605 --> 00:10:06,857 Well, son, I think you've got a pretty stupid plan there.
- 00:10:06,982 --> 00:10:08,942 Not like that, pony!
- 00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:11,028 Look, if you wanna get revenge on somebody,
- 00:10:11,153 --> 00:10:13,030 you've gotta think like a hunter.
- 00:10:13,155 --> 00:10:14,323 What do you mean?
- 00:10:14,448 --> 00:10:16,366 Step one: find someone's weakness.
- 00:10:16,491 --> 00:10:18,660 Step two: exploit that weakness.
- 00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:19,828 How do I do that?
- 00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:30,464 What do you see?
- 00:10:30,589 --> 00:10:32,007 I see Scott Tenorman,
- 00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,051 with his ginger red hair and his stupid freckles.
- 00:10:34,176 --> 00:10:36,011 And God damn it! I hate him! I hate him!
- 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,680 No, young hunter. I mean, what do you <i>see?</i>
- 00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,265 You must learn all you can about your kill.
- 00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:41,683 Right, right.
- 00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:42,893 Let's see.
- 00:10:43,018 --> 00:10:45,187 There's posters, Radiohead posters.
- 00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:47,439 And he's reading a magazine about Radiohead.
- 00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:48,857 What's a Radiohead?
- 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,359 You know, that band that sings that song.
- 00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:54,112 ♪ Well, I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo ♪
- 00:10:54,237 --> 00:10:56,114 ♪ What am I doing here ♪
- 00:10:56,239 --> 00:10:58,241 Oh, Jesus, don't start singing, Ned.
- 00:10:58,367 --> 00:11:00,702 So the subject is a big Radiohead fan, huh?
- 00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:01,953 Maybe I should come up...
- 00:11:02,079 --> 00:11:02,663 with a lit'l scheme
- 00:11:02,788 --> 00:11:03,872 that involves them.
- 00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:05,165 Nice thinking, young hunter.
- 00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:06,792 Whoa. - What?
- 00:11:06,917 --> 00:11:08,293 I'm looking in Scott's parents' room.
- 00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:09,252 Scott's mom's about to take off her bra.
- 00:11:09,378 --> 00:11:10,671 What? Give me those!
- 00:11:10,796 --> 00:11:12,214 Holy crow, he's right, Ned!
- 00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:14,007 Mrs. Tenorman's lettin' the twins out.
- 00:11:14,132 --> 00:11:15,592 Let me see.
- 00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:17,636 Radiohead. Yes, of course.
- 00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:19,888 Dear God, they're even bigger than I ever imagined!
- 00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:21,390 Let me see. Let me see.
- 00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:23,850 Here you go. - Wow, those were great.
- 00:11:23,975 --> 00:11:25,519 Maybe I should go grab some beers, Ned.
- 00:11:25,644 --> 00:11:27,270 Ned, what-- are you jackin' it?
- 00:11:27,396 --> 00:11:29,022 Kinda. - Well, stop it!
- 00:11:31,942 --> 00:11:33,735 Hey, what the hell are you doing out there?
- 00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,487 Oh, crap! - Who's out there?
- 00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:37,072 Ned, for Christ's sake, stop jackin' it.
- 00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:38,281 I can't.
- 00:11:38,407 --> 00:11:39,866 Don't think I don't see you!
- 00:11:39,991 --> 00:11:41,451 I know who you are, and I'm calling the police!
- 00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:42,703 Whoa! Whoops!
- 00:11:42,828 --> 00:11:44,830 I gotta get out of here!
- 00:11:47,416 --> 00:11:49,042 Oh, hey, Scott. How's it going?
- 00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:50,460 I was just wondering,
- 00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:52,754 do you like the band, uh, Radiohead at all?
- 00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:54,381 Uh-huh. Oh, really?
- 00:11:54,506 --> 00:11:56,800 Oh, 'cause they're doing a big interview on MTV,
- 00:11:56,925 --> 00:11:59,010 and they're playing it tonight on a big screen downtown.
- 00:11:59,136 --> 00:12:00,721 Everyone's gonna be there.
- 00:12:00,846 --> 00:12:03,223 Oh, cool. Thanks for telling me.
- 00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:04,891 You're welcome, Scott.
- 00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:09,438 Okay, well, looks like everyone is here.
- 00:12:09,563 --> 00:12:11,231 Let's play the video, shall we?
- 00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:14,401 Welcome back to MTV.
- 00:12:14,526 --> 00:12:16,278 We're here with the members from Radiohead,
- 00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:18,196 probably the hottest band in the world right now.
- 00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:20,198 Guys, when is your next album coming out?
- 00:12:20,323 --> 00:12:22,492 That's an interesting question, Kurt.
- 00:12:22,617 --> 00:12:24,077 But first I'd just like to say
- 00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:26,037 that I really hate this kid named Scott Tenorman.
- 00:12:26,163 --> 00:12:27,330 He's stupid.
- 00:12:27,456 --> 00:12:28,957 Yeah, I hate Scott Tenorman too.
- 00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,208 I think all the guys in the band hate him,
- 00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:31,752 Right, guys?
- 00:12:31,877 --> 00:12:33,044 Oh, Jesus, did you hear that, Scott?
- 00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:34,546 And will there be a new tour?
- 00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:35,881 Well, we would tour,
- 00:12:36,006 --> 00:12:37,883 but we just hate that Scott Tenorman kid so much
- 00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:39,342 that we don't want to.
- 00:12:39,468 --> 00:12:41,428 Yeah, Scott Tenorman is totally not cool.
- 00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:43,054 He's not cool.
- 00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:45,557 Wow, that really sucks for you, Scott.
- 00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:46,683 Scott?
- 00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:49,019 Ha, ha, ha, ha! Did you see that?
- 00:12:49,144 --> 00:12:51,104 Scott must've ran home so embarrassed.
- 00:12:51,229 --> 00:12:52,856 Ha, ha, ha, ha! And you know what?
- 00:12:52,981 --> 00:12:54,733 That wasn't really Radiohead talking.
- 00:12:54,858 --> 00:12:56,443 I just dubbed their voices over.
- 00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:58,737 Ha, ha, ha! What a retard!
- 00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:00,989 And everyone saw it!
- 00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:03,325 Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,
- 00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:06,953 it's time for the amazing pube boy!
- 00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:09,539 ♪ I'm a little piggy, here's my snout ♪
- 00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:12,209 ♪ Oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink ♪
- 00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:18,381 ♪ I'm a little piggy, here's my snout ♪
- 00:13:24,638 --> 00:13:26,097 Oh, my God, he killed Kenny.
- 00:13:26,223 --> 00:13:27,891 That does it.
- 00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:30,519 I'm going to get Scott Tenorman once and for all!
- 00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:36,650 You think you're so cool, Scott Tenorman.
- 00:13:36,775 --> 00:13:39,110 We'll see how cool you feel after this.
- 00:13:39,236 --> 00:13:41,488 Yes, yes.
- 00:13:41,613 --> 00:13:43,156 Yes!
- 00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:48,954 Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha.
- 00:13:49,079 --> 00:13:51,832 Yes, it is the most genius plan ever.
- 00:13:51,957 --> 00:13:54,417 Scott Tenorman is going to wish he never met me!
- 00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:01,216 Okay, Cartman, what do you want?
- 00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:02,717 Stan, Kyle, thanks for coming.
- 00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:04,719 I've got it all figured out. - Got what all figured out?
- 00:14:04,845 --> 00:14:06,179 How to get Scott Tenorman back.
- 00:14:06,304 --> 00:14:07,889 Oh, Jesus.
- 00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:09,683 I've just finished planning a brilliant lit'l scheme
- 00:14:09,808 --> 00:14:11,601 that should put Scott in his place for good.
- 00:14:11,726 --> 00:14:14,229 And if you help me, I'll give each of you $2.
- 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,815 Okay, so what's the plan?
- 00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:19,317 It's the brilliant combination of my last two plans.
- 00:14:19,442 --> 00:14:21,444 Scott Tenorman's favorite band is Radiohead, right?
- 00:14:21,570 --> 00:14:22,612 Yeah?
- 00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:24,239 So I realized, what if we got Radiohead
- 00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:26,074 to come here to South Park, right?
- 00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:28,451 Then they could meet Scott Tenorman <i>and...</i>
- 00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:31,955 See him get his wiener bitten off by a pony!
- 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:33,790 What? - Don't you see?
- 00:14:33,915 --> 00:14:35,792 If I can get this pony to bite off Scott's wiener
- 00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:38,336 in front of Radiohead, then Scott would cry.
- 00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:40,338 And if Scott cries, then Radiohead will think
- 00:14:40,463 --> 00:14:42,632 Scott Tenorman is totally not cool!
- 00:14:42,757 --> 00:14:44,175 And that would make Scott Tenorman want to die.
- 00:14:44,301 --> 00:14:45,427 Ha, ha, ha!
- 00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:47,053 Okay, I'll keep working on the pony.
- 00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:48,471 You guys go get Radiohead to play here.
- 00:14:48,597 --> 00:14:50,932 Ready? Break!
- 00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:53,393 You're such a dumbass, Cartman.
- 00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:56,479 Fine, I'll do it myself! You guys just watch!
- 00:14:56,605 --> 00:14:59,649 Ready, pony? Bite it!
- 00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:00,692 Yes!
- 00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:04,696 Thom, will you stop reading fan mail?
- 00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:05,864 We have work to do.
- 00:15:05,989 --> 00:15:07,616 Just a second, fellas. Listen to this.
- 00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:09,743 "Dear Radiohead, my name is Eric Cartman.
- 00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:12,245 "I'm a young, supple eight-year-old boy
- 00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:13,788 "from South Park, Colorado.
- 00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:15,707 "I'm writing to you because of a kid I know
- 00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:17,334 "named Scott Tenorman.
- 00:15:17,459 --> 00:15:20,879 "Scott is 15, and I'm afraid he has cancer
- 00:15:21,004 --> 00:15:22,839 "in his ass.
- 00:15:22,964 --> 00:15:25,425 "Radiohead is his favorite band, and it would make his short life
- 00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:27,010 "if you could find it in your hearts
- 00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:29,554 "to visit him before he dies alone, scared.
- 00:15:29,679 --> 00:15:31,139 "Won't you please consider it?
- 00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:35,852 I don't think he'll make it past next Tuesday around 5:00."
- 00:15:35,977 --> 00:15:37,729 Wow, we have to go.
- 00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:40,106 To Colorado? But we've got an album to mix.
- 00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:41,650 Didn't you hear the letter?
- 00:15:41,775 --> 00:15:44,194 This poor kid has cancer! In his ass!
- 00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:47,113 Hello?
- 00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:48,740 Scott Tenorman? - What do you want?
- 00:15:48,865 --> 00:15:50,867 We just wanna warn you, Eric Cartman, the fourth grader,
- 00:15:50,992 --> 00:15:52,243 is going to try to trick you somehow
- 00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:53,536 into getting your wiener bitten off
- 00:15:53,662 --> 00:15:55,205 by a pony that lives at Jenkins' ranch.
- 00:15:55,330 --> 00:15:56,915 How do you know? - 'Cause we're his friends.
- 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,500 Then why are you telling me?
- 00:15:58,625 --> 00:15:59,918 'Cause we hate him. - Oh.
- 00:16:00,043 --> 00:16:01,378 Well, we just thought we'd let you know.
- 00:16:01,503 --> 00:16:02,379 See ya. - See ya.
- 00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:05,924 Hello, Scott. - Hey.
- 00:16:06,049 --> 00:16:07,300 I was just stopping by
- 00:16:07,425 --> 00:16:09,135 to invite you to my "Chili con Carnival."
- 00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:10,971 It's a chili cook-off with rides.
- 00:16:11,096 --> 00:16:12,472 Everyone's coming,
- 00:16:12,597 --> 00:16:15,016 and I wanted to drop by your invitation personally.
- 00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:16,559 Ooh, a Chili Carnival, huh?
- 00:16:16,685 --> 00:16:18,186 That sounds great.
- 00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,397 Yeah, there's even gonna be a big surprise,
- 00:16:20,522 --> 00:16:22,440 so you won't wanna miss it, Scott.
- 00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:23,900 Oh, and here.
- 00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:26,569 Here's a coupon good for one free pony ride.
- 00:16:26,695 --> 00:16:28,321 Wow, a pony ride. Neat.
- 00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:30,407 Oh, it will be very neat, Scott.
- 00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:32,575 Gosh. Chili, rides, and ponies.
- 00:16:32,701 --> 00:16:33,952 What more could I want?
- 00:16:34,077 --> 00:16:35,662 A little penis-biting, perhaps.
- 00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:36,955 What? - Nothing, nothing.
- 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:38,206 So you'll come for sure, then, Scott?
- 00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:39,582 How could I turn it down?
- 00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:43,169 Sweet, killer. Bye, Scott.
- 00:16:43,294 --> 00:16:46,631 Oh, you are good, Eric. You are very, very good.
- 00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:49,509 Mom, Dad, that was my good friend Eric at the door.
- 00:16:49,634 --> 00:16:51,511 He told me that there's a starving pony
- 00:16:51,636 --> 00:16:53,138 at Jenkins' ranch that's been abandoned.
- 00:16:53,263 --> 00:16:54,222 Oh, dear.
- 00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:55,974 Yeah, I feel really bad,
- 00:16:56,099 --> 00:16:57,434 But I don't know how I can help it
- 00:16:57,559 --> 00:16:59,227 because I have a lot of homework to do.
- 00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:00,520 Well, don't you worry, Scott.
- 00:17:00,645 --> 00:17:02,147 Your mom and I can go get the pony
- 00:17:02,272 --> 00:17:03,690 and have it taken to an animal shelter.
- 00:17:03,815 --> 00:17:04,858 We sure can.
- 00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:06,151 Wow, would you really?
- 00:17:06,276 --> 00:17:07,694 I feel so much better now.
- 00:17:07,819 --> 00:17:10,030 Oh, Scott, you're such a loving, caring boy.
- 00:17:10,155 --> 00:17:11,740 I'm so proud of you.
- 00:17:11,865 --> 00:17:13,074 I'm proud of you too, Mom.
- 00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:14,826 Let's go, hon. - Let's.
- 00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:17,787 What are you doing, Scott?
- 00:17:17,912 --> 00:17:19,080 What's it look like? I'm making chili.
- 00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:20,415 Did you bring the goods?
- 00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,167 We got everyone we could find to chip in.
- 00:17:22,292 --> 00:17:24,419 There's pubes from just about every kid in town in here.
- 00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:26,963 Awesome. - Oh, dude!
- 00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:29,132 The little fat kid thinks he's gonna get revenge tomorrow.
- 00:17:29,257 --> 00:17:30,717 We'll see how he likes it when I tell him
- 00:17:30,842 --> 00:17:32,552 he just ate the pubes of every kid in town.
- 00:17:32,677 --> 00:17:33,887 Yeah!
- 00:17:40,518 --> 00:17:41,811 Oh, hello, guys.
- 00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:43,980 Thanks for coming to my Chili con Carnival.
- 00:17:44,105 --> 00:17:45,940 This is the dumbest thing you've ever done, Cartman.
- 00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:48,359 Oh, it won't be so dumb when Scott Tenorman arrives.
- 00:17:48,485 --> 00:17:50,653 I suggest you stay to see the fireworks.
- 00:17:50,779 --> 00:17:51,905 Oh, we will.
- 00:17:52,030 --> 00:17:54,115 Trust us, we wouldn't miss this.
- 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,241 What's so funny? - Oh, nothing.
- 00:17:55,366 --> 00:17:56,910 It's just cool
- 00:17:57,035 --> 00:17:58,369 how you're gonna get Scott Tenorman back.
- 00:17:58,495 --> 00:18:00,288 Is Radiohead here yet? - Not yet, but they will be.
- 00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:01,372 Yeah, sure.
- 00:18:01,498 --> 00:18:02,832 Hello, Eric. - Hey, Chef.
- 00:18:02,957 --> 00:18:04,250 I made some chili to enter into the contest.
- 00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:05,919 What contest?
- 00:18:06,044 --> 00:18:07,420 This is a chili cook-off, ain't it?
- 00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:09,089 Huh? Oh, yeah, I guess it is.
- 00:18:09,214 --> 00:18:10,632 Here, just put it over here.
- 00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:11,966 It's my special recipe.
- 00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:13,843 Scott Tenorman!
- 00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:17,639 How are you, Scott? Thanks so much for coming.
- 00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:19,682 Oh, I wouldn't miss this for anything.
- 00:18:19,808 --> 00:18:21,142 Likewise.
- 00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:23,228 Well, come on. You've got to see the pony.
- 00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:24,771 Just a second.
- 00:18:24,896 --> 00:18:26,064 Don't you wanna taste my chili first?
- 00:18:26,189 --> 00:18:28,191 Well, yeah, but there's a special guest coming,
- 00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:30,944 and I want you to be near the pony when they arrive.
- 00:18:31,069 --> 00:18:32,362 Well, I don't want it to get cold.
- 00:18:32,487 --> 00:18:34,614 I think I can win first prize.
- 00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:37,033 All right, Scott, let's go over to the judging table,
- 00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:39,119 and we'll try the chili first.
- 00:18:39,244 --> 00:18:41,871 God damn it.
- 00:18:41,996 --> 00:18:44,124 All right, I guess we should taste each other's chili, huh?
- 00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:45,625 This chili looks pretty good.
- 00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:48,253 Here's mine.
- 00:18:48,378 --> 00:18:50,839 Mmm, I don't know. Your chili is good, Cartman.
- 00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:52,799 But I think mine is better. Try it.
- 00:18:52,924 --> 00:18:54,676 All right.
- 00:18:59,931 --> 00:19:02,642 Hey, this is great!
- 00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:04,686 It's a special recipe.
- 00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:06,771 God, this is really good, Scott.
- 00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:08,231 I'm glad you like it so much,
- 00:19:08,356 --> 00:19:09,858 because now that you're almost finished,
- 00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:11,526 I have something to tell you.
- 00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:13,153 What?
- 00:19:13,278 --> 00:19:15,488 You mean about how you put pubes in your chili?
- 00:19:15,613 --> 00:19:17,866 What?
- 00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:19,951 Yes, I'm afraid this isn't your chili, Scott.
- 00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:22,328 I switched it with Chef's.
- 00:19:22,453 --> 00:19:24,539 It's delicious, Chef. I hadn't planned on that.
- 00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,082 What I did plan on, however,
- 00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:28,001 was that my friends Stan and Kyle would betray me
- 00:19:28,126 --> 00:19:31,462 and warn you that the Chili con Carnival was a trap.
- 00:19:31,588 --> 00:19:33,256 I assumed that they would tell you
- 00:19:33,381 --> 00:19:35,633 that I had trained Jenkins' pony to bite off your wiener.
- 00:19:35,758 --> 00:19:38,094 What they didn't tell you was that Jenkins is a crazy redneck
- 00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:39,971 who shoots trespassers on sight.
- 00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:41,181 Knowing that you would go
- 00:19:41,306 --> 00:19:42,891 and try to do something to the pony,
- 00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:44,851 I warned Mr. Jenkins that violent pony killers
- 00:19:44,976 --> 00:19:46,519 were in the area.
- 00:19:46,644 --> 00:19:48,021 I also knew that you wouldn't go yourself
- 00:19:48,146 --> 00:19:49,856 for fear of having your wiener bitten off.
- 00:19:49,981 --> 00:19:51,733 You would most likely send your parents.
- 00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:53,693 And I'm afraid that when Mr. Jenkins
- 00:19:53,818 --> 00:19:55,361 spotted them on his property,
- 00:19:55,486 --> 00:19:57,405 he shot and killed both your parents.
- 00:20:00,158 --> 00:20:02,911 Well, they was trespassin', and I was protectin' myself.
- 00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:04,621 I have my rights.
- 00:20:04,746 --> 00:20:07,040 My...mom and dad are dead?
- 00:20:07,165 --> 00:20:08,791 I came just in time to see Mr. Jenkins
- 00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:10,877 giving his report to Officer Barbrady
- 00:20:11,002 --> 00:20:13,713 and, of course, to steal the bodies.
- 00:20:13,838 --> 00:20:15,882 After a night with the hacksaw, I was all ready
- 00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:17,967 to put on my Chili Con Carnival
- 00:20:18,092 --> 00:20:19,385 so that I could tell you personally
- 00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:20,887 about your parents' demise
- 00:20:21,012 --> 00:20:23,389 and, of course, feed you your chili.
- 00:20:23,514 --> 00:20:26,142 Do you like it? Do you like it, Scott?
- 00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:28,978 I call it "Mr. and Mrs. Tenorman chili."
- 00:20:32,523 --> 00:20:35,526 Oh my God!
- 00:20:35,652 --> 00:20:37,237 Oh my God!
- 00:20:38,947 --> 00:20:40,240 ♪ Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah ♪
- 00:20:40,365 --> 00:20:41,866 ♪ I made you eat your parents ♪
- 00:20:41,991 --> 00:20:43,326 ♪ Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah ♪
- 00:20:43,451 --> 00:20:45,787 Jesus Christ, dude!
- 00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:47,914 My mom and dad are dead!
- 00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:50,375 No, no!
- 00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:51,876 Uh, excuse me.
- 00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:53,086 Who are you?
- 00:20:53,211 --> 00:20:54,963 We're that band, Radiohead.
- 00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:56,839 Jeez, what a little crybaby.
- 00:20:56,965 --> 00:20:59,259 You gonna cry all day, crybaby?
- 00:20:59,384 --> 00:21:01,052 You know, everyone has problems.
- 00:21:01,177 --> 00:21:02,971 It doesn't mean you have to be a little crybaby about it.
- 00:21:03,096 --> 00:21:04,264 Come on, guys, let's go.
- 00:21:04,389 --> 00:21:06,140 This kid is totally not cool.
- 00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:08,434 Yeah, that's the most uncool kid I've ever met.
- 00:21:08,559 --> 00:21:10,853 Little crybaby.
- 00:21:10,979 --> 00:21:12,563 No, wait!
- 00:21:12,689 --> 00:21:14,023 Wait!
- 00:21:14,148 --> 00:21:17,110 Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- 00:21:17,235 --> 00:21:19,654 Yes! Yes!
- 00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:22,031 Oh, let me taste your tears, Scott.
- 00:21:22,156 --> 00:21:24,242 Mmm, your tears are so yummy and sweet.
- 00:21:24,367 --> 00:21:25,785 Dude, I think it might be best for us
- 00:21:25,910 --> 00:21:26,995 to never piss Cartman off again.
- 00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:28,162 Good call.
- 00:21:28,288 --> 00:21:30,790 Oh, the tears of unfathomable sadness.
- 00:21:30,915 --> 00:21:33,793 Mmm, yummy. Yummy, you guys.
- 00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:35,378 Yibbidy-bip-- that's all, folks!
- 00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:10,428 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:10,553 --> 00:00:12,221 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,181 Both: ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:00:14,306 --> 00:00:15,641 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:16,892 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:17,018 --> 00:00:19,145 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:00:19,270 --> 00:00:20,688 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:00:20,813 --> 00:00:22,231 ♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪
- 00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:23,524 ♪ Headin' on up to South Park ♪
- 00:00:23,649 --> 00:00:25,818 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:00:25,943 --> 00:00:28,904 ♪ [muffled] ♪
- 00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:30,156 ♪ Come on down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:30,281 --> 00:00:32,116 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:34,869 ♪ Do do do doo ♪
- 00:00:34,994 --> 00:00:37,329 ♪ Da da da da daa ya da da daa ♪
- 00:00:37,455 --> 00:00:39,290 ♪ Do do doo da da daa ♪
- 00:00:39,415 --> 00:00:41,417 ♪ Hey-de hey-de how's it going, guys ♪
- 00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,210 What the hell you so happy about, fat ass?
- 00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:44,754 Oh, nothing, no big deal, really.
- 00:00:44,879 --> 00:00:46,338 What's no big deal?
- 00:00:46,464 --> 00:00:48,090 Well, guys, it seems that I am the first one of us
- 00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:50,134 to reach manhood after all.
- 00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:51,927 What the hell are you talking about?
- 00:00:52,053 --> 00:00:53,804 Well, because unlike you guys,
- 00:00:53,929 --> 00:00:56,098 I just got my first pubes.
- 00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:58,184 ♪ Ya da da da ya da da dee ♪
- 00:00:58,309 --> 00:01:00,019 [muffled] You got pubes? - What's pubes?
- 00:01:00,144 --> 00:01:01,854 Pubic hair. He's saying he got his first pubic hair.
- 00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:03,230 Oh. No, you didn't!
- 00:01:03,355 --> 00:01:05,316 Oh, yes, I did. I'm becoming a man.
- 00:01:05,441 --> 00:01:06,609 He's lying.
- 00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:07,777 You wanna see 'em? - Hell, no!
- 00:01:07,902 --> 00:01:09,028 Here, check 'em out.
- 00:01:09,153 --> 00:01:10,196 We don't wanna see them, Cartman!
- 00:01:10,321 --> 00:01:11,363 There, see?
- 00:01:11,489 --> 00:01:12,948 How do you like them apples?
- 00:01:13,074 --> 00:01:14,075 Ha!
- 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:15,367 What are those? - My pubes.
- 00:01:15,493 --> 00:01:17,036 What? - I got 'em from Scott Tenorman.
- 00:01:17,161 --> 00:01:18,454 Scott Tenorman-- the ninth grader?
- 00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:20,498 Yep, he let me have 'em for just 10 bucks.
- 00:01:20,623 --> 00:01:22,041 Ha, ha, ha!
- 00:01:22,166 --> 00:01:23,167 ♪ I got pubes before you guys did ♪
- 00:01:23,292 --> 00:01:24,668 ♪ I got pubes before you guys ♪
- 00:01:24,794 --> 00:01:26,462 ♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ♪
- 00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,464 Cartman, you are so goddamn stupid, it's unbelievable.
- 00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:30,633 Ah-ha, don't be jealous, guys.
- 00:01:30,758 --> 00:01:32,343 This doesn't mean we can't still hang out.
- 00:01:32,468 --> 00:01:34,345 It just means that I matured faster than you.
- 00:01:34,470 --> 00:01:36,388 You'll get your pubes, guys, someday.
- 00:01:36,514 --> 00:01:38,349 Cartman, you don't buy pubes, you grow them yourself.
- 00:01:38,474 --> 00:01:39,391 Wh-what?
- 00:01:39,517 --> 00:01:40,976 When you get old enough,
- 00:01:41,102 --> 00:01:42,436 you grow your own pubic hair that's attached to you,
- 00:01:42,561 --> 00:01:43,562 you fucking dumbass!
- 00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:46,190 Nuh-uh. - Yeah-huh.
- 00:01:46,315 --> 00:01:47,983 But then why would Scott Tenorman
- 00:01:48,109 --> 00:01:49,610 sell me his pubes for $10?
- 00:01:49,735 --> 00:01:51,195 Because, retard, you're dumb enough
- 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:54,949 to buy Scott Tenorman's pubes for $10.
- 00:01:55,074 --> 00:01:56,659 You're telling me these pubes are worth nothing?
- 00:01:56,784 --> 00:01:58,160 Yeah.
- 00:01:58,285 --> 00:01:59,370 I'm gonna get that son of a bitch.
- 00:01:59,495 --> 00:02:01,163 And so I told him, I said,
- 00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,290 "Here, I'll sell you my pubes for only 10 bucks."
- 00:02:03,415 --> 00:02:04,708 And the stupid asshole buys them.
- 00:02:04,834 --> 00:02:06,001 [both laughing]
- 00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:07,837 Speak of the devil. What do you want?
- 00:02:07,962 --> 00:02:09,338 Uh, yes, I've come to return these pubes
- 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:10,464 that I purchased, please.
- 00:02:10,589 --> 00:02:11,757 Uh-uh, I don't take returns.
- 00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:13,259 Right, but you see,
- 00:02:13,384 --> 00:02:15,010 I didn't realize when I bought these pubes from you
- 00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:16,303 that you were full of shit,
- 00:02:16,428 --> 00:02:17,888 so you can either give me back my $10,
- 00:02:18,013 --> 00:02:19,765 or I can go tell my mom on you.
- 00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:21,100 You would actually tell your mom
- 00:02:21,225 --> 00:02:23,060 that you were stupid enough to pay for my pubes?
- 00:02:23,185 --> 00:02:24,395 Uh-uh, I don't think so.
- 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:25,354 Just give me back my money.
- 00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:26,647 Buyer beware, dude.
- 00:02:26,772 --> 00:02:27,940 Give me my $10, Scott.
- 00:02:28,065 --> 00:02:29,316 Hey, I said no.
- 00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:30,818 Now, get your fat little butt out of here
- 00:02:30,943 --> 00:02:33,612 before I kick your head in.
- 00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:38,951 [doorbell rings]
- 00:02:39,076 --> 00:02:40,536 Hello, sir, my name is Kris Kristofferson.
- 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,371 I'm with the IRS.
- 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,957 I'm here to collect $10 that you owe in back taxes.
- 00:02:45,082 --> 00:02:46,292 You're not from the IRS.
- 00:02:46,417 --> 00:02:48,252 You glued my pubes onto your face.
- 00:02:48,377 --> 00:02:51,130 Tax evasion is a very serious offense, sir.
- 00:02:51,255 --> 00:02:53,007 I suggest that you-- all right, all right.
- 00:02:53,132 --> 00:02:54,592 I'll trade you my pubes back for the money.
- 00:02:54,717 --> 00:02:56,177 You will? Oh, cool!
- 00:02:56,302 --> 00:02:58,804 How much did I charge? Oh, yeah, $10.
- 00:02:58,929 --> 00:03:00,181 You got change for a $20?
- 00:03:00,306 --> 00:03:01,807 Oh, uh...
- 00:03:01,932 --> 00:03:04,268 I only got $6.12.
- 00:03:04,393 --> 00:03:06,395 Oh, well, that's okay.
- 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,439 Here, just give me the $6.
- 00:03:08,564 --> 00:03:10,649 And then I'll give you the $20. - Okay.
- 00:03:10,774 --> 00:03:12,693 Now, give me the pubes, and I'll give you back $2.
- 00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:14,236 - Right. Now, give me the 12ȼ.
- 00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:15,946 And I'll give you the rest of your change back.
- 00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:17,740 Cool.
- 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:19,283 And then give me the $20, and I'll give you the pubes.
- 00:03:19,408 --> 00:03:20,659 Sweet!
- 00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:21,952 Uh-- ah, God damn it!
- 00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:24,997 That asshole.
- 00:03:25,122 --> 00:03:26,415 That big, smelly, ass-sniffing asshole.
- 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:27,708 I'm gonna get him!
- 00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:28,876 Cartman, can I give you some advice?
- 00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:30,502 What? - Just let it go, dude.
- 00:03:30,628 --> 00:03:33,589 You're only out $16.12. Count your losses and move on.
- 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:34,882 He's smarter than you.
- 00:03:35,007 --> 00:03:36,133 He is not smarter than me!
- 00:03:36,258 --> 00:03:37,134 He just charmed me, that's all.
- 00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:38,761 He's a charmer, that Scott Tenorman,
- 00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:40,888 but I'll get him someday.
- 00:03:41,013 --> 00:03:42,681 One, please. - One, please.
- 00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:44,099 [muffled] One, please.
- 00:03:44,225 --> 00:03:45,768 One, please.
- 00:03:50,648 --> 00:03:52,233 That'll be $6.
- 00:03:52,358 --> 00:03:55,110 Okay, and how much is that in pubes?
- 00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:56,820 We don't take pubes.
- 00:03:56,946 --> 00:03:58,447 Listen, my money is as good as anybody's.
- 00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,366 Don't you...discriminate against my people
- 00:04:00,491 --> 00:04:02,159 by not accepting these pubes.
- 00:04:02,284 --> 00:04:04,328 We don't take pubes, end of story!
- 00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:05,579 Racist!
- 00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:07,498 [doorbell rings]
- 00:04:07,623 --> 00:04:09,083 Scott, Scott!
- 00:04:09,208 --> 00:04:10,125 Courtney Love is in South Park!
- 00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:11,794 She's all drunk and spreading her legs
- 00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,671 and showing her "poonaner" to everybody!
- 00:04:13,796 --> 00:04:15,631 You gotta go check it out! I'll watch your house for you.
- 00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:16,924 Okay, I'll buy the pubes back. Here.
- 00:04:17,049 --> 00:04:18,425 What? $16, take it.
- 00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:19,969 I'll even throw in an extra five.
- 00:04:20,094 --> 00:04:21,679 Here. Give me back my pubes.
- 00:04:21,804 --> 00:04:23,973 Why do you want them back so much?
- 00:04:24,098 --> 00:04:25,599 No reason. - I don't believe you.
- 00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:26,684 All right, all right.
- 00:04:26,809 --> 00:04:27,893 The pube fair in Fort Collins.
- 00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:29,436 Pube fair?
- 00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:30,896 They're paying five bucks a hair for pubes.
- 00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:32,439 If I leave now, I can catch the last bus.
- 00:04:32,564 --> 00:04:33,857 Five bucks a hair?
- 00:04:33,983 --> 00:04:35,442 That's, like, a million dollars!
- 00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:36,652 Here, take your money.
- 00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:38,028 Ha, ha, I don't think so, Scott.
- 00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:40,322 I'm going to Fort Collins myself.
- 00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:42,574 Oh, you can't do this to me. No!
- 00:04:42,700 --> 00:04:44,159 Ha, ha, sure right you are, Scott.
- 00:04:44,285 --> 00:04:46,704 Have you no heart?
- 00:04:46,829 --> 00:04:48,664 Ha, ha, what a stupid asshole!
- 00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:50,165 Heh, heh, heh.
- 00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:54,920 Ha, ha, hoo! $1 million!
- 00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:56,005 Whoo! Ah!
- 00:05:00,134 --> 00:05:01,802 Ha, ha, ha.
- 00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:03,887 Heh.
- 00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:07,808 Uh, excuse me, sir. - Yes?
- 00:05:07,933 --> 00:05:09,268 Can you tell me where the pube fair is?
- 00:05:09,393 --> 00:05:10,519 The pube fair?
- 00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:11,979 Yeah, I've got some pubes to sell.
- 00:05:12,104 --> 00:05:14,898 There's no such thing, you little smart-ass.
- 00:05:15,024 --> 00:05:16,608 No-- no such thing?
- 00:05:16,734 --> 00:05:18,819 Hey, you wouldn't happen to be Eric Cart-man, would you?
- 00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:19,862 I'm Eric <i>Cartman.</i>
- 00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:21,155 Oh, I think this is for you.
- 00:05:28,412 --> 00:05:30,039 Ahhhh!
- 00:05:31,874 --> 00:05:34,126 [knocking]
- 00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:36,754 106 miles, Scott.
- 00:05:36,879 --> 00:05:39,715 I had to ride 106 miles in the back of a pickup truck
- 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:40,966 to get back here.
- 00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:42,760 You really went? What a 'tard.
- 00:05:42,885 --> 00:05:44,428 All right, Scott, you win. I give up.
- 00:05:44,553 --> 00:05:45,679 You do?
- 00:05:45,804 --> 00:05:47,056 Wow, you're not as stupid as I thought.
- 00:05:47,181 --> 00:05:48,807 Yeah, I'll see you around.
- 00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:51,143 Sure is too bad about my grandma, though.
- 00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:52,561 Your grandma? - Huh?
- 00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,646 Oh, it's not really your concern.
- 00:05:54,772 --> 00:05:56,899 It's just that, well, my grandma is in the hospital.
- 00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,817 She's very sick.
- 00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:01,987 Doctors say unless I can come up with $16 for her operation,
- 00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:03,447 they're gonna put her down.
- 00:06:03,572 --> 00:06:06,492 Oh, jeez, I didn't realize that.
- 00:06:06,617 --> 00:06:08,410 Yeah, poor grandma.
- 00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:11,080 Hey, kid, hold on a second.
- 00:06:11,205 --> 00:06:13,457 I'll get your money.
- 00:06:13,582 --> 00:06:15,042 Heh, heh, heh.
- 00:06:15,167 --> 00:06:18,003 He's such a douche.
- 00:06:18,128 --> 00:06:19,380 here you go.
- 00:06:19,505 --> 00:06:20,839 Oh, wow, thanks a lot, Scott.
- 00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:23,258 But just one thing before I give it to you.
- 00:06:23,384 --> 00:06:24,009 What?
- 00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:27,262 I just--well, I want to you beg for it.
- 00:06:27,388 --> 00:06:28,180 Huh?
- 00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:29,306 Just get down on your knees and beg me for the money.
- 00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:30,599 Why?
- 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,309 Do you want your grandma to live or not?
- 00:06:32,434 --> 00:06:33,936 [quickly] Please, Scott, give me my money.
- 00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:36,855 No, no, get down on your knees.
- 00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:38,607 Lower your head...
- 00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:42,611 And say, "I beg you to give me back my money."
- 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,196 I beg you to give me back my money.
- 00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:46,115 Now say, "I'm a little piggy."
- 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:48,450 What? - Say it.
- 00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:49,952 I'm a little piggy.
- 00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:52,788 "Here's my snout." - Here's my snout.
- 00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:55,249 "Oink, oink, oink." oink, oink, oink.
- 00:06:55,374 --> 00:06:58,585 Now, dance, little piggy. Dance and oink for me.
- 00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:02,798 ♪ I'm a little piggy, here's my snout ♪
- 00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:05,634 ♪ Oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink ♪
- 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,094 ♪ I'm a little piggy-♪ [laughs]
- 00:07:07,219 --> 00:07:08,512 All right, now, give me back my money!
- 00:07:08,637 --> 00:07:10,806 You mean this?
- 00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,975 You really care that much about 16 measly dollars?
- 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,810 I mean, what can you buy with $16?
- 00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:16,687 My parents give me a $50-a-week allowance.
- 00:07:16,812 --> 00:07:18,063 This pittance means nothing to me.
- 00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:19,314 Watch.
- 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,233 Wh-what are you doing?
- 00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:27,156 No, no. Why?
- 00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:28,949 Now you can't bug me for your dumb money.
- 00:07:36,540 --> 00:07:38,834 [screaming]
- 00:07:46,925 --> 00:07:48,844 [all talking at once]
- 00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:52,598 Concerned citizens, I thank you for coming.
- 00:07:52,723 --> 00:07:54,057 I know that you're all deeply troubled
- 00:07:54,183 --> 00:07:55,893 and want to find a quick and painful way
- 00:07:56,018 --> 00:07:59,271 to get rid of Scott Tenorman once and for all.
- 00:07:59,396 --> 00:08:00,564 Yes, Clyde? - Who's Scott Tenorman?
- 00:08:00,689 --> 00:08:01,732 All: Yeah.
- 00:08:01,857 --> 00:08:03,150 Scott Tenorman is an eighth grader
- 00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:04,401 who sold Cartman his pubes for $10,
- 00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:05,194 and now Cartman's all pissed off.
- 00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:07,404 $16.12.
- 00:08:07,529 --> 00:08:08,822 He is a disease.
- 00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:10,157 He is a cold, calculating man,
- 00:08:10,282 --> 00:08:11,658 and I will have revenge!
- 00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:13,368 What are you gonna do?
- 00:08:13,494 --> 00:08:14,828 Did you guys see that movie <i>Hannibal,</i>
- 00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:16,580 where the deformed guy trained giant pigs
- 00:08:16,705 --> 00:08:18,207 to eat his enemy alive?
- 00:08:18,332 --> 00:08:20,792 Well, if we find a pony, we can train it,
- 00:08:20,918 --> 00:08:23,921 train it to bite off Scott Tenorman's wiener.
- 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:27,174 It will be painful and humiliating.
- 00:08:27,299 --> 00:08:28,759 Everyone will see it happen.
- 00:08:28,884 --> 00:08:30,677 And then Scott Tenorman will forever be known
- 00:08:30,802 --> 00:08:33,096 as the kid who had his wiener bitten off by a pony!
- 00:08:33,222 --> 00:08:34,640 Ha, ha, ha, ha!
- 00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:36,141 What's in it for us? - What?
- 00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:37,518 Yeah, why should we all care
- 00:08:37,643 --> 00:08:38,936 about getting Scott Tenorman back for you?
- 00:08:39,061 --> 00:08:41,230 Oh, right. Why should we care?
- 00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:43,398 Yes, why should we care? Indeed.
- 00:08:43,524 --> 00:08:47,194 Let's just let Scott Tenorman walk away with my $16.12.
- 00:08:47,319 --> 00:08:49,279 Hell, let's let all the Scott Tenormans of the world
- 00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:50,948 take what's ours and laugh in our faces.
- 00:08:51,073 --> 00:08:52,533 Why stand up for yourself when you can just
- 00:08:52,658 --> 00:08:54,326 walk out of here right now and say
- 00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:55,869 it's not your problem?
- 00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:58,372 But years from now, when you're old
- 00:08:58,497 --> 00:09:00,165 and have children of your own,
- 00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:03,252 what would you give to come back and fight this one day,
- 00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:05,837 this one day, where you could have made a difference,
- 00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:07,422 where you could've told Scott Tenorman,
- 00:09:07,548 --> 00:09:08,882 "you may take our pride,
- 00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:11,927 but you'll never take my goddamn $16.12?"
- 00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,178 Now, who's with me?
- 00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:15,097 Timmy!
- 00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:16,682 Christ.
- 00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:18,475 All right, I guess it's just you and me, Timmy.
- 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:20,519 Oh, no, not Timmy.
- 00:09:20,644 --> 00:09:22,187 [door slams]
- 00:09:25,399 --> 00:09:27,067 There we go.
- 00:09:27,192 --> 00:09:29,611 Come and get it!
- 00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,863 Come on, pony, bite the wiener.
- 00:09:31,989 --> 00:09:33,907 Bite it.
- 00:09:34,032 --> 00:09:35,367 Come on, good pony.
- 00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:36,994 That's it.
- 00:09:37,119 --> 00:09:38,203 Now, bite it off!
- 00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:40,581 Bite off the wiener. Good pony!
- 00:09:40,706 --> 00:09:42,791 Oh, no, pony, he'll like that.
- 00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:45,168 Eric, are you training that pony to please you?
- 00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:47,671 No, I'm trying to teach it how to bite someone's penis off.
- 00:09:47,796 --> 00:09:49,298 Oh.
- 00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:51,133 Well, does Mr. Jenkins know you're using his pony?
- 00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:52,801 He shoots trespassers on sight, you know.
- 00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:53,802 He said it was okay.
- 00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:55,512 All right, then. Wait.
- 00:09:55,637 --> 00:09:57,347 What the hell are you training Jenkins' pony
- 00:09:57,472 --> 00:09:58,599 to bite off someone's penis?
- 00:09:58,724 --> 00:10:01,727 Because... of Scott Tenorman.
- 00:10:01,852 --> 00:10:04,479 I hate him, and I want to make him suffer.
- 00:10:04,605 --> 00:10:06,857 Well, son, I think you've got a pretty stupid plan there.
- 00:10:06,982 --> 00:10:08,942 Not like that, pony!
- 00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:11,028 Look, if you wanna get revenge on somebody,
- 00:10:11,153 --> 00:10:13,030 you've gotta think like a hunter.
- 00:10:13,155 --> 00:10:14,323 What do you mean?
- 00:10:14,448 --> 00:10:16,366 Step one: find someone's weakness.
- 00:10:16,491 --> 00:10:18,660 Step two: exploit that weakness.
- 00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:19,828 How do I do that?
- 00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:30,464 What do you see?
- 00:10:30,589 --> 00:10:32,007 I see Scott Tenorman,
- 00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,051 with his ginger red hair and his stupid freckles.
- 00:10:34,176 --> 00:10:36,011 And God damn it! I hate him! I hate him!
- 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,680 No, young hunter. I mean, what do you <i>see?</i>
- 00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,265 You must learn all you can about your kill.
- 00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:41,683 Right, right.
- 00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:42,893 Let's see.
- 00:10:43,018 --> 00:10:45,187 There's posters, Radiohead posters.
- 00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:47,439 And he's reading a magazine about Radiohead.
- 00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:48,857 What's a Radiohead?
- 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,359 You know, that band that sings that song.
- 00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:54,112 ♪ Well, I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo ♪
- 00:10:54,237 --> 00:10:56,114 [through voice box] ♪ What am I doing here ♪
- 00:10:56,239 --> 00:10:58,241 Oh, Jesus, don't start singing, Ned.
- 00:10:58,367 --> 00:11:00,702 So the subject is a big Radiohead fan, huh?
- 00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:01,953 Maybe I should come up...
- 00:11:02,079 --> 00:11:02,663 [cockney accent] with a lit'l scheme
- 00:11:02,788 --> 00:11:03,872 that involves them.
- 00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:05,165 Nice thinking, young hunter.
- 00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:06,792 Whoa. - What?
- 00:11:06,917 --> 00:11:08,293 I'm looking in Scott's parents' room.
- 00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:09,252 Scott's mom's about to take off her bra.
- 00:11:09,378 --> 00:11:10,671 What? Give me those!
- 00:11:10,796 --> 00:11:12,214 Holy crow, he's right, Ned!
- 00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:14,007 Mrs. Tenorman's lettin' the twins out.
- 00:11:14,132 --> 00:11:15,592 Let me see.
- 00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:17,636 Radiohead. Yes, of course.
- 00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:19,888 Dear God, they're even bigger than I ever imagined!
- 00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:21,390 Let me see. Let me see.
- 00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:23,850 Here you go. - Wow, those were great.
- 00:11:23,975 --> 00:11:25,519 Maybe I should go grab some beers, Ned.
- 00:11:25,644 --> 00:11:27,270 Ned, what-- are you jackin' it?
- 00:11:27,396 --> 00:11:29,022 Kinda. - Well, stop it!
- 00:11:31,942 --> 00:11:33,735 Hey, what the hell are you doing out there?
- 00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,487 Oh, crap! - Who's out there?
- 00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:37,072 Ned, for Christ's sake, stop jackin' it.
- 00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:38,281 I can't.
- 00:11:38,407 --> 00:11:39,866 Don't think I don't see you!
- 00:11:39,991 --> 00:11:41,451 I know who you are, and I'm calling the police!
- 00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:42,703 Whoa! Whoops!
- 00:11:42,828 --> 00:11:44,830 I gotta get out of here!
- 00:11:44,955 --> 00:11:47,290 [doorbell rings]
- 00:11:47,416 --> 00:11:49,042 Oh, hey, Scott. How's it going?
- 00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:50,460 I was just wondering,
- 00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:52,754 do you like the band, uh, Radiohead at all?
- 00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:54,381 Uh-huh. Oh, really?
- 00:11:54,506 --> 00:11:56,800 Oh, 'cause they're doing a big interview on MTV,
- 00:11:56,925 --> 00:11:59,010 and they're playing it tonight on a big screen downtown.
- 00:11:59,136 --> 00:12:00,721 Everyone's gonna be there.
- 00:12:00,846 --> 00:12:03,223 Oh, cool. Thanks for telling me.
- 00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:04,891 You're welcome, Scott.
- 00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:09,438 Okay, well, looks like everyone is here.
- 00:12:09,563 --> 00:12:11,231 Let's play the video, shall we?
- 00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:14,401 Welcome back to MTV.
- 00:12:14,526 --> 00:12:16,278 We're here with the members from Radiohead,
- 00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:18,196 probably the hottest band in the world right now.
- 00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:20,198 Guys, when is your next album coming out?
- 00:12:20,323 --> 00:12:22,492 [Cartman dubbed over] That's an interesting question, Kurt.
- 00:12:22,617 --> 00:12:24,077 But first I'd just like to say
- 00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:26,037 that I really hate this kid named Scott Tenorman.
- 00:12:26,163 --> 00:12:27,330 He's stupid.
- 00:12:27,456 --> 00:12:28,957 Yeah, I hate Scott Tenorman too.
- 00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,208 I think all the guys in the band hate him,
- 00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:31,752 Right, guys?
- 00:12:31,877 --> 00:12:33,044 Oh, Jesus, did you hear that, Scott?
- 00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:34,546 And will there be a new tour?
- 00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:35,881 Well, we would tour,
- 00:12:36,006 --> 00:12:37,883 but we just hate that Scott Tenorman kid so much
- 00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:39,342 that we don't want to.
- 00:12:39,468 --> 00:12:41,428 Yeah, Scott Tenorman is totally not cool.
- 00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:43,054 He's not cool.
- 00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:45,557 Wow, that really sucks for you, Scott.
- 00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:46,683 Scott?
- 00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:49,019 Ha, ha, ha, ha! Did you see that?
- 00:12:49,144 --> 00:12:51,104 Scott must've ran home so embarrassed.
- 00:12:51,229 --> 00:12:52,856 Ha, ha, ha, ha! And you know what?
- 00:12:52,981 --> 00:12:54,733 That wasn't really Radiohead talking.
- 00:12:54,858 --> 00:12:56,443 I just dubbed their voices over.
- 00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:58,737 Ha, ha, ha! What a retard!
- 00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:00,989 And everyone saw it! [feedback whistling]
- 00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:03,325 Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,
- 00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:06,953 it's time for the amazing pube boy!
- 00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:09,539 ♪ I'm a little piggy, here's my snout ♪
- 00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:12,209 ♪ Oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink ♪
- 00:13:12,334 --> 00:13:15,879 [all laughing]
- 00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:18,381 ♪ I'm a little piggy, here's my snout ♪
- 00:13:18,507 --> 00:13:21,468 [laughter increasing]
- 00:13:24,638 --> 00:13:26,097 Oh, my God, he killed Kenny.
- 00:13:26,223 --> 00:13:27,891 That does it.
- 00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:30,519 I'm going to get Scott Tenorman once and for all!
- 00:13:30,644 --> 00:13:33,855 [thunder booming]
- 00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:36,650 You think you're so cool, Scott Tenorman.
- 00:13:36,775 --> 00:13:39,110 We'll see how cool you feel after this.
- 00:13:39,236 --> 00:13:41,488 Yes, yes.
- 00:13:41,613 --> 00:13:43,156 Yes!
- 00:13:43,281 --> 00:13:45,367 [muttering]
- 00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:48,954 Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha.
- 00:13:49,079 --> 00:13:51,832 Yes, it is the most genius plan ever.
- 00:13:51,957 --> 00:13:54,417 Scott Tenorman is going to wish he never met me!
- 00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:01,216 Okay, Cartman, what do you want?
- 00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:02,717 Stan, Kyle, thanks for coming.
- 00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:04,719 I've got it all figured out. - Got what all figured out?
- 00:14:04,845 --> 00:14:06,179 How to get Scott Tenorman back.
- 00:14:06,304 --> 00:14:07,889 Oh, Jesus.
- 00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:09,683 I've just finished planning a brilliant lit'l scheme
- 00:14:09,808 --> 00:14:11,601 that should put Scott in his place for good.
- 00:14:11,726 --> 00:14:14,229 And if you help me, I'll give each of you $2.
- 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,815 Okay, so what's the plan?
- 00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:19,317 It's the brilliant combination of my last two plans.
- 00:14:19,442 --> 00:14:21,444 Scott Tenorman's favorite band is Radiohead, right?
- 00:14:21,570 --> 00:14:22,612 Yeah?
- 00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:24,239 So I realized, what if we got Radiohead
- 00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:26,074 to come here to South Park, right?
- 00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:28,451 Then they could meet Scott Tenorman <i>and...</i>
- 00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:31,955 See him get his wiener bitten off by a pony!
- 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:33,790 What? - Don't you see?
- 00:14:33,915 --> 00:14:35,792 If I can get this pony to bite off Scott's wiener
- 00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:38,336 in front of Radiohead, then Scott would cry.
- 00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:40,338 And if Scott cries, then Radiohead will think
- 00:14:40,463 --> 00:14:42,632 Scott Tenorman is totally not cool!
- 00:14:42,757 --> 00:14:44,175 And that would make Scott Tenorman want to die.
- 00:14:44,301 --> 00:14:45,427 Ha, ha, ha!
- 00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:47,053 Okay, I'll keep working on the pony.
- 00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:48,471 You guys go get Radiohead to play here.
- 00:14:48,597 --> 00:14:50,932 Ready? Break!
- 00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:53,393 You're such a dumbass, Cartman.
- 00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:56,479 Fine, I'll do it myself! You guys just watch!
- 00:14:56,605 --> 00:14:59,649 Ready, pony? Bite it!
- 00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:00,692 Yes!
- 00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:04,696 Thom, will you stop reading fan mail?
- 00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:05,864 We have work to do.
- 00:15:05,989 --> 00:15:07,616 Just a second, fellas. Listen to this.
- 00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:09,743 "Dear Radiohead, my name is Eric Cartman.
- 00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:12,245 "I'm a young, supple eight-year-old boy
- 00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:13,788 "from South Park, Colorado.
- 00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:15,707 "I'm writing to you because of a kid I know
- 00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:17,334 "named Scott Tenorman.
- 00:15:17,459 --> 00:15:20,879 "Scott is 15, and I'm afraid he has cancer
- 00:15:21,004 --> 00:15:22,839 "in his ass.
- 00:15:22,964 --> 00:15:25,425 "Radiohead is his favorite band, and it would make his short life
- 00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:27,010 "if you could find it in your hearts
- 00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:29,554 "to visit him before he dies alone, scared.
- 00:15:29,679 --> 00:15:31,139 "Won't you please consider it?
- 00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:35,852 I don't think he'll make it past next Tuesday around 5:00."
- 00:15:35,977 --> 00:15:37,729 Wow, we have to go.
- 00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:40,106 To Colorado? But we've got an album to mix.
- 00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:41,650 Didn't you hear the letter?
- 00:15:41,775 --> 00:15:44,194 This poor kid has cancer! In his ass!
- 00:15:44,319 --> 00:15:46,154 [phone rings]
- 00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:47,113 Hello?
- 00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:48,740 Scott Tenorman? - What do you want?
- 00:15:48,865 --> 00:15:50,867 We just wanna warn you, Eric Cartman, the fourth grader,
- 00:15:50,992 --> 00:15:52,243 is going to try to trick you somehow
- 00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:53,536 into getting your wiener bitten off
- 00:15:53,662 --> 00:15:55,205 by a pony that lives at Jenkins' ranch.
- 00:15:55,330 --> 00:15:56,915 How do you know? - 'Cause we're his friends.
- 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,500 Then why are you telling me?
- 00:15:58,625 --> 00:15:59,918 'Cause we hate him. - Oh.
- 00:16:00,043 --> 00:16:01,378 Well, we just thought we'd let you know.
- 00:16:01,503 --> 00:16:02,379 See ya. - See ya.
- 00:16:02,504 --> 00:16:04,756 [doorbell rings]
- 00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:05,924 Hello, Scott. - Hey.
- 00:16:06,049 --> 00:16:07,300 I was just stopping by
- 00:16:07,425 --> 00:16:09,135 to invite you to my "Chili con Carnival."
- 00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:10,971 It's a chili cook-off with rides.
- 00:16:11,096 --> 00:16:12,472 Everyone's coming,
- 00:16:12,597 --> 00:16:15,016 and I wanted to drop by your invitation personally.
- 00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:16,559 Ooh, a Chili Carnival, huh?
- 00:16:16,685 --> 00:16:18,186 That sounds great.
- 00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,397 Yeah, there's even gonna be a big surprise,
- 00:16:20,522 --> 00:16:22,440 so you won't wanna miss it, Scott.
- 00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:23,900 Oh, and here.
- 00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:26,569 Here's a coupon good for one free pony ride.
- 00:16:26,695 --> 00:16:28,321 Wow, a pony ride. Neat.
- 00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:30,407 Oh, it will be very neat, Scott.
- 00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:32,575 Gosh. Chili, rides, and ponies.
- 00:16:32,701 --> 00:16:33,952 What more could I want?
- 00:16:34,077 --> 00:16:35,662 [quietly] A little penis-biting, perhaps.
- 00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:36,955 What? - Nothing, nothing.
- 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:38,206 So you'll come for sure, then, Scott?
- 00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:39,582 How could I turn it down?
- 00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:43,169 Sweet, killer. Bye, Scott.
- 00:16:43,294 --> 00:16:46,631 Oh, you are good, Eric. You are very, very good.
- 00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:49,509 Mom, Dad, that was my good friend Eric at the door.
- 00:16:49,634 --> 00:16:51,511 He told me that there's a starving pony
- 00:16:51,636 --> 00:16:53,138 at Jenkins' ranch that's been abandoned.
- 00:16:53,263 --> 00:16:54,222 Oh, dear.
- 00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:55,974 Yeah, I feel really bad,
- 00:16:56,099 --> 00:16:57,434 But I don't know how I can help it
- 00:16:57,559 --> 00:16:59,227 because I have a lot of homework to do.
- 00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:00,520 Well, don't you worry, Scott.
- 00:17:00,645 --> 00:17:02,147 Your mom and I can go get the pony
- 00:17:02,272 --> 00:17:03,690 and have it taken to an animal shelter.
- 00:17:03,815 --> 00:17:04,858 We sure can.
- 00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:06,151 Wow, would you really?
- 00:17:06,276 --> 00:17:07,694 I feel so much better now.
- 00:17:07,819 --> 00:17:10,030 Oh, Scott, you're such a loving, caring boy.
- 00:17:10,155 --> 00:17:11,740 I'm so proud of you.
- 00:17:11,865 --> 00:17:13,074 I'm proud of you too, Mom.
- 00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:14,826 Let's go, hon. - Let's.
- 00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:17,787 What are you doing, Scott?
- 00:17:17,912 --> 00:17:19,080 What's it look like? I'm making chili.
- 00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:20,415 Did you bring the goods?
- 00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,167 We got everyone we could find to chip in.
- 00:17:22,292 --> 00:17:24,419 There's pubes from just about every kid in town in here.
- 00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:26,963 Awesome. - Oh, dude!
- 00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:29,132 The little fat kid thinks he's gonna get revenge tomorrow.
- 00:17:29,257 --> 00:17:30,717 We'll see how he likes it when I tell him
- 00:17:30,842 --> 00:17:32,552 he just ate the pubes of every kid in town.
- 00:17:32,677 --> 00:17:33,887 Yeah! [all laughing]
- 00:17:40,518 --> 00:17:41,811 Oh, hello, guys.
- 00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:43,980 Thanks for coming to my Chili con Carnival.
- 00:17:44,105 --> 00:17:45,940 This is the dumbest thing you've ever done, Cartman.
- 00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:48,359 Oh, it won't be so dumb when Scott Tenorman arrives.
- 00:17:48,485 --> 00:17:50,653 I suggest you stay to see the fireworks.
- 00:17:50,779 --> 00:17:51,905 Oh, we will.
- 00:17:52,030 --> 00:17:54,115 Trust us, we wouldn't miss this.
- 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,241 What's so funny? - Oh, nothing.
- 00:17:55,366 --> 00:17:56,910 It's just cool
- 00:17:57,035 --> 00:17:58,369 how you're gonna get Scott Tenorman back.
- 00:17:58,495 --> 00:18:00,288 Is Radiohead here yet? - Not yet, but they will be.
- 00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:01,372 Yeah, sure.
- 00:18:01,498 --> 00:18:02,832 Hello, Eric. - Hey, Chef.
- 00:18:02,957 --> 00:18:04,250 I made some chili to enter into the contest.
- 00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:05,919 What contest?
- 00:18:06,044 --> 00:18:07,420 This is a chili cook-off, ain't it?
- 00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:09,089 Huh? Oh, yeah, I guess it is.
- 00:18:09,214 --> 00:18:10,632 Here, just put it over here.
- 00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:11,966 It's my special recipe.
- 00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:13,843 Scott Tenorman!
- 00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:17,639 How are you, Scott? Thanks so much for coming.
- 00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:19,682 Oh, I wouldn't miss this for anything.
- 00:18:19,808 --> 00:18:21,142 Likewise.
- 00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:23,228 Well, come on. You've got to see the pony.
- 00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:24,771 Just a second.
- 00:18:24,896 --> 00:18:26,064 Don't you wanna taste my chili first?
- 00:18:26,189 --> 00:18:28,191 Well, yeah, but there's a special guest coming,
- 00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:30,944 and I want you to be near the pony when they arrive.
- 00:18:31,069 --> 00:18:32,362 Well, I don't want it to get cold.
- 00:18:32,487 --> 00:18:34,614 I think I can win first prize.
- 00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:37,033 All right, Scott, let's go over to the judging table,
- 00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:39,119 and we'll try the chili first.
- 00:18:39,244 --> 00:18:41,871 God damn it.
- 00:18:41,996 --> 00:18:44,124 All right, I guess we should taste each other's chili, huh?
- 00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:45,625 This chili looks pretty good.
- 00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:48,253 Here's mine.
- 00:18:48,378 --> 00:18:50,839 Mmm, I don't know. Your chili is good, Cartman.
- 00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:52,799 But I think mine is better. Try it.
- 00:18:52,924 --> 00:18:54,676 All right.
- 00:18:59,931 --> 00:19:02,642 Hey, this is great!
- 00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:04,686 It's a special recipe.
- 00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:06,771 God, this is really good, Scott.
- 00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:08,231 I'm glad you like it so much,
- 00:19:08,356 --> 00:19:09,858 because now that you're almost finished,
- 00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:11,526 I have something to tell you.
- 00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:13,153 What?
- 00:19:13,278 --> 00:19:15,488 You mean about how you put pubes in your chili?
- 00:19:15,613 --> 00:19:17,866 What?
- 00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:19,951 Yes, I'm afraid this isn't your chili, Scott.
- 00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:22,328 I switched it with Chef's.
- 00:19:22,453 --> 00:19:24,539 It's delicious, Chef. I hadn't planned on that.
- 00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,082 What I did plan on, however,
- 00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:28,001 was that my friends Stan and Kyle would betray me
- 00:19:28,126 --> 00:19:31,462 and warn you that the Chili con Carnival was a trap.
- 00:19:31,588 --> 00:19:33,256 I assumed that they would tell you
- 00:19:33,381 --> 00:19:35,633 that I had trained Jenkins' pony to bite off your wiener.
- 00:19:35,758 --> 00:19:38,094 What they didn't tell you was that Jenkins is a crazy redneck
- 00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:39,971 who shoots trespassers on sight.
- 00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:41,181 Knowing that you would go
- 00:19:41,306 --> 00:19:42,891 and try to do something to the pony,
- 00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:44,851 I warned Mr. Jenkins that violent pony killers
- 00:19:44,976 --> 00:19:46,519 were in the area.
- 00:19:46,644 --> 00:19:48,021 I also knew that you wouldn't go yourself
- 00:19:48,146 --> 00:19:49,856 for fear of having your wiener bitten off.
- 00:19:49,981 --> 00:19:51,733 You would most likely send your parents.
- 00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:53,693 And I'm afraid that when Mr. Jenkins
- 00:19:53,818 --> 00:19:55,361 spotted them on his property,
- 00:19:55,486 --> 00:19:57,405 he shot and killed both your parents.
- 00:19:57,530 --> 00:20:00,033 [gunshots]
- 00:20:00,158 --> 00:20:02,911 Well, they was trespassin', and I was protectin' myself.
- 00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:04,621 I have my rights.
- 00:20:04,746 --> 00:20:07,040 My...mom and dad are dead?
- 00:20:07,165 --> 00:20:08,791 I came just in time to see Mr. Jenkins
- 00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:10,877 giving his report to Officer Barbrady
- 00:20:11,002 --> 00:20:13,713 and, of course, to steal the bodies.
- 00:20:13,838 --> 00:20:15,882 After a night with the hacksaw, I was all ready
- 00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:17,967 to put on my Chili Con Carnival
- 00:20:18,092 --> 00:20:19,385 so that I could tell you personally
- 00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:20,887 about your parents' demise
- 00:20:21,012 --> 00:20:23,389 and, of course, feed you your chili.
- 00:20:23,514 --> 00:20:26,142 Do you like it? Do you like it, Scott?
- 00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:28,978 I call it "Mr. and Mrs. Tenorman chili."
- 00:20:32,523 --> 00:20:35,526 Oh my God!
- 00:20:35,652 --> 00:20:37,237 Oh my God!
- 00:20:38,947 --> 00:20:40,240 ♪ Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah ♪
- 00:20:40,365 --> 00:20:41,866 ♪ I made you eat your parents ♪
- 00:20:41,991 --> 00:20:43,326 ♪ Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah ♪
- 00:20:43,451 --> 00:20:45,787 Jesus Christ, dude!
- 00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:47,914 My mom and dad are dead!
- 00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:50,375 No, no!
- 00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:51,876 Uh, excuse me.
- 00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:53,086 Who are you?
- 00:20:53,211 --> 00:20:54,963 We're that band, Radiohead.
- 00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:56,839 Jeez, what a little crybaby.
- 00:20:56,965 --> 00:20:59,259 You gonna cry all day, crybaby?
- 00:20:59,384 --> 00:21:01,052 You know, everyone has problems.
- 00:21:01,177 --> 00:21:02,971 It doesn't mean you have to be a little crybaby about it.
- 00:21:03,096 --> 00:21:04,264 Come on, guys, let's go.
- 00:21:04,389 --> 00:21:06,140 This kid is totally not cool.
- 00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:08,434 Yeah, that's the most uncool kid I've ever met.
- 00:21:08,559 --> 00:21:10,853 Little crybaby.
- 00:21:10,979 --> 00:21:12,563 No, wait!
- 00:21:12,689 --> 00:21:14,023 Wait!
- 00:21:14,148 --> 00:21:17,110 Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- 00:21:17,235 --> 00:21:19,654 Yes! Yes!
- 00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:22,031 Oh, let me taste your tears, Scott.
- 00:21:22,156 --> 00:21:24,242 Mmm, your tears are so yummy and sweet.
- 00:21:24,367 --> 00:21:25,785 Dude, I think it might be best for us
- 00:21:25,910 --> 00:21:26,995 to never piss Cartman off again.
- 00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:28,162 Good call.
- 00:21:28,288 --> 00:21:30,790 Oh, the tears of unfathomable sadness.
- 00:21:30,915 --> 00:21:33,793 Mmm, yummy. Yummy, you guys.
- 00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:35,378 Yibbidy-bip-- that's all, folks!