Полный отстой
Описание
Сатане причитается наказание, Стэн молится, и только рождественское чудо может вовремя избавить Антихриста от беды.
Субтитры
rus__Forc.srt
rus__Forc.srt
00:00:03,250 --> 00:00:05,420
В ПРОГРАММЕ СОДЕРЖИТСЯ ГРЯЗНАЯ РУГАНЬ
НЕ РЕКОМЕНДУЕТСЯ К ПРОСМОТРУ ВООБЩЕ НИКОМУ
00:00:08,810 --> 00:00:10,110
Соберу я свой рюкзак
00:00:10,210 --> 00:00:12,080
и поеду в Саус Парк.
00:00:12,180 --> 00:00:13,900
Дружелюбный здесь народ,
00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:15,600
благочестие цветёт.
00:00:15,700 --> 00:00:17,060
В Саус парк ты приезжаешь
00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:18,720
и печали забываешь.
00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:20,460
Стоит только выйти в свет,
00:00:20,580 --> 00:00:22,190
все кричат: «Привет, сосед!»
00:00:22,260 --> 00:00:23,640
В Саус Парке не печалься,
00:00:23,750 --> 00:00:25,640
отдыхай и расслабляйся.
00:00:28,690 --> 00:00:30,060
В Саус Парке ждут тебя
00:00:30,110 --> 00:00:31,740
мои верные друзья.
00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:33,000
ЮЖНЫЙ ПАРК
00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:36,980
НАЧАЛЬНАЯ ШКОЛА САУС ПАРКА
00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:46,060
ПСИХОЛОГ
00:00:55,470 --> 00:00:58,370
НЕ БУДЬ ОВЦОЙ, БУДЬ ВОЛКОМ
БЫТЬ УВЕРЕННЫМ — БЕЗЗВУЧНО, БЫТЬ ЖЕРТВОЙ — ГРОМКО
00:02:04,510 --> 00:02:12,020
Кроватку нарядил я, и готова детская.
Подгузники украшу со всей любовью я.
00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:19,860
Мишура и ёлка, скоро будет торжество —
ребёнок в Рождество!
00:02:32,790 --> 00:02:40,140
Салфетки и омела, нужно праздник наводить.
Когда начнутся схватки, какао будем пить.
00:02:40,300 --> 00:02:48,130
Столько причин для радости,
ведь это волшебство — ребёнок в Рождество!
00:02:48,260 --> 00:02:54,160
Я буду любить его и папа тоже будет.
Мы будем очень...
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:58,290
САУС ПАРК
00:03:58,300 --> 00:03:59,530
АРМИЯ СПАСЕНИЯ
ЩЕДРОСТЬ — ЭТО ЗАБОТА
00:05:12,930 --> 00:05:18,700
В Рождество я буду дома.
00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:25,260
В своих мечтах, мечтах, праздничных мечтах.
00:05:41,270 --> 00:05:47,270
Христианка знает своё место.
Можешь просто взять и по лицу мне врезать.
00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:53,640
Я заслужила, я неправа!
Поэтому я песню эту вам принесла.
00:05:53,650 --> 00:06:00,000
У меня вставные сиськи и ботокс в губах,
с Рождеством Христовым вас!
00:06:03,150 --> 00:06:06,180
Христианка знает своё место.
00:06:06,230 --> 00:06:09,070
Можешь просто взять и по лицу мне врезать.
00:06:09,170 --> 00:06:15,270
Я заслужила, я неправа!
Поэтому я песню эту вам принесла!
00:06:15,330 --> 00:06:21,810
У меня вставные сиськи и ботокс в губах,
с Рождеством Христовым вас!
00:08:55,620 --> 00:08:58,710
ДОМ ПРЕСТАРЕЛЫХ «ЦАРСТВО ТЕНЕЙ»
00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:23,650
ПОЛИЦЕЙСКИЙ УЧАСТОК ОКРУГА ПАРК
00:11:57,930 --> 00:12:01,250
Мы идём на высер, высер, высер,
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:04,160
чувствуем, что высер уже грядёт.
00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:07,360
Высер — это самый простой выход,
00:12:07,410 --> 00:12:10,530
высер из анала Сатаны нас ждёт.
00:12:53,650 --> 00:12:56,420
ПОЛИЦЕЙСКИЙ УЧАСТОК ОКРУГА ПАРК
00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:34,050
БОЛЬНИЦА «ВРАТА АДА»
00:16:33,620 --> 00:16:35,700
БОЛЬНИЦА «ВРАТА АДА»
00:17:52,790 --> 00:17:55,830
Особенный и важный день,
Рождество зверюшек!
00:17:58,870 --> 00:18:02,930
БОЛЬНИЦА «ВРАТА АДА»
00:21:48,770 --> 00:21:50,240
ЭТО ТРУП!
00:21:59,780 --> 00:22:03,290
МОЁ ПЕРВОЕ РОЖДЕСТВО
00:22:05,390 --> 00:22:08,750
ПЕРВОЕ РОЖДЕСТВО МАЛЫША
00:22:15,150 --> 00:22:18,810
ПЕРВОЕ РОЖДЕСТВО МАЛЫША
00:22:23,190 --> 00:22:24,580
МОЁ ПЕРВОЕ РОЖДЕСТВО
00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:09,510
ДОМ ПРЕСТАРЕЛЫХ «ЦАРСТВО ТЕНЕЙ»
00:23:22,610 --> 00:23:24,150
СТЭНУ ОТ ИИСУСА
00:23:51,260 --> 00:23:55,150
С РОЖДЕСТВОМ, СТЭН
00:24:37,360 --> 00:24:43,240
Христианка знает своё место.
Можешь просто взять и по лицу мне врезать.
00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:49,580
Я заслужила, я неправа!
Поэтому я песню эту вам принесла!
00:24:49,610 --> 00:24:56,190
У меня вставные сиськи и ботокс в губах,
с Рождеством Христовым вас!
00:24:59,250 --> 00:25:05,150
Христианка знает своё место.
Можешь просто взять и по лицу мне врезать.
00:25:05,250 --> 00:25:11,370
Я заслужила, я неправа!
Поэтому я песню эту вам принесла!
00:25:11,430 --> 00:25:17,910
У меня вставные сиськи и ботокс в губах,
с Рождеством Христовым вас!
00:25:17,980 --> 00:25:23,910
Христианка знает своё место.
Можешь просто взять и по лицу мне врезать.
00:25:23,980 --> 00:25:25,940
Я заслужила, я неправа...
rus__Rus.srt
rus__Rus.srt
00:00:03,250 --> 00:00:05,420
В ПРОГРАММЕ СОДЕРЖИТСЯ ГРЯЗНАЯ РУГАНЬ
НЕ РЕКОМЕНДУЕТСЯ К ПРОСМОТРУ ВООБЩЕ НИКОМУ
00:00:08,810 --> 00:00:10,110
Соберу я свой рюкзак
00:00:10,210 --> 00:00:12,080
и поеду в Саус Парк.
00:00:12,180 --> 00:00:13,900
Дружелюбный здесь народ,
00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:15,600
благочестие цветёт.
00:00:15,700 --> 00:00:17,060
В Саус парк ты приезжаешь
00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:18,720
и печали забываешь.
00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:20,460
Стоит только выйти в свет,
00:00:20,580 --> 00:00:22,190
все кричат: «Привет, сосед!»
00:00:22,260 --> 00:00:23,640
В Саус Парке не печалься,
00:00:23,750 --> 00:00:25,640
отдыхай и расслабляйся.
00:00:28,690 --> 00:00:30,060
В Саус Парке ждут тебя
00:00:30,110 --> 00:00:31,740
мои верные друзья.
00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:33,000
ЮЖНЫЙ ПАРК
00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:36,980
НАЧАЛЬНАЯ ШКОЛА САУС ПАРКА
00:00:36,990 --> 00:00:40,000
Последние месяцы были... ужасными.
00:00:41,370 --> 00:00:45,100
Рейды МВБ, проблемы папы с работой.
00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:46,060
ПСИХОЛОГ
00:00:46,070 --> 00:00:50,010
Потом потеря дома
и переезд в дом престарелых.
00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:54,320
Происходят перемены,
и я не могу с ними справиться.
00:00:55,470 --> 00:00:58,370
НЕ БУДЬ ОВЦОЙ, БУДЬ ВОЛКОМ
БЫТЬ УВЕРЕННЫМ — БЕЗЗВУЧНО, БЫТЬ ЖЕРТВОЙ — ГРОМКО
00:00:58,380 --> 00:01:01,390
И чё это за перемены такие, бро?
00:01:04,220 --> 00:01:06,860
Ну, Иисус, мне кажется,
00:01:07,060 --> 00:01:10,050
что люди перестали
быть добрыми и щедрыми.
00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:12,160
Я получил деньги от Саудовской Аравии
00:01:12,170 --> 00:01:13,740
и поделюсь ими.
00:01:14,070 --> 00:01:16,410
Ведь это то, что сейчас нужно людям.
00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:19,210
Типа ... большое рождественское чудо.
00:01:22,010 --> 00:01:24,850
Какая-то социалистическая дрисня.
00:01:25,740 --> 00:01:28,530
Я больше не хочу жить в доме престарелых.
00:01:28,570 --> 00:01:32,830
Не знаю, что тебя так изменило,
но нам нужно праздничное чудо!
00:01:33,490 --> 00:01:36,420
Милый, я принесла нам Пино Гриджио!
00:01:36,740 --> 00:01:38,060
Чё так долго?
00:01:38,490 --> 00:01:41,520
Не злись, я занималась благотворительностью.
00:01:41,990 --> 00:01:44,610
Я христианка и пою нуждающимся.
00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:46,810
Заткнись и налей мне!
00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:49,070
Хочешь улучшить свою жизнь?
00:01:49,140 --> 00:01:50,460
Вступай в сраный клуб!
00:01:50,690 --> 00:01:53,050
Сейчас все хотят, чтобы было лучше.
00:01:53,310 --> 00:01:54,440
Но поверь мне,
00:01:54,530 --> 00:01:58,100
никакого чуда ни с кем не произойдёт.
00:02:04,510 --> 00:02:12,020
Кроватку нарядил я, и готова детская.
Подгузники украшу со всей любовью я.
00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:19,860
Мишура и ёлка, скоро будет торжество —
ребёнок в Рождество!
00:02:20,730 --> 00:02:25,520
Остались считанные дни до рождения
дьявольского отродья президента.
00:02:25,670 --> 00:02:28,980
Как Сатана родит анального ребёнка — неясно,
00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:31,830
но все знают, что высер уже близко.
00:02:32,790 --> 00:02:40,140
Салфетки и омела, нужно праздник наводить.
Когда начнутся схватки, какао будем пить.
00:02:40,300 --> 00:02:48,130
Столько причин для радости,
ведь это волшебство — ребёнок в Рождество!
00:02:48,260 --> 00:02:54,160
Я буду любить его и папа тоже будет.
Мы будем очень...
00:02:54,460 --> 00:02:55,150
Стоп.
00:02:55,740 --> 00:02:57,070
Где его носит?
00:02:58,150 --> 00:02:59,000
Дональд?
00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:00,170
Дональд!
00:03:01,690 --> 00:03:02,700
Где Дональд?
00:03:03,300 --> 00:03:07,120
Прости, Сатана, президенту
срочно надо было в Колорадо.
00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:11,100
Что значит «срочно»? Вы серьёзно сейчас?
00:03:11,190 --> 00:03:15,890
Я же сказал, что сегодня мы будем
петь песни и украшать детскую!
00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:18,170
Что может быть важнее этого?
00:03:18,540 --> 00:03:22,840
Прости, это секретная информация.
Даже мы не знаем, что там.
00:03:23,250 --> 00:03:26,180
Какой же он кусок говна!
00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:29,820
Он постоянно так делает!
00:03:30,170 --> 00:03:34,420
Я скоро начну рожать,
а он где-то шляется!
00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:38,690
Гормоны.
00:03:38,940 --> 00:03:43,490
Странно, что президент
не сказал даже мне, зачем улетает.
00:03:43,570 --> 00:03:47,740
Он сказал, что об этом могут знать
только он и вице-президент.
00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:49,790
Что бы там ни было...
00:03:50,260 --> 00:03:53,730
это часть какой-то
секретной военной операции.
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:58,290
САУС ПАРК
00:03:58,300 --> 00:03:59,530
АРМИЯ СПАСЕНИЯ
ЩЕДРОСТЬ — ЭТО ЗАБОТА
00:03:59,540 --> 00:04:01,470
Счастливого Рождества!
00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:03,870
Расслабьтесь!
00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:07,380
Расслабься!
00:04:07,910 --> 00:04:10,570
Ладно, босс. Мы на месте.
00:04:10,900 --> 00:04:13,080
Полицейский участок вон там.
00:04:13,380 --> 00:04:15,480
Там они держат Питера Тиля.
00:04:15,980 --> 00:04:17,720
Нужно вести себя тихо.
00:04:17,770 --> 00:04:20,140
Чтоб никто не узнал, что мы хотим убить реб...
00:04:20,830 --> 00:04:24,500
С рождеством! Расслабься!
00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:29,340
Уверен, что Питер Тиль справится?
00:04:29,390 --> 00:04:30,430
Да, босс.
00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:33,680
Но нам нужно вытащить его из полицейского...
00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:36,500
С праздником вас!
00:04:38,340 --> 00:04:41,570
Простите, мелочи нет, пнятнетько?
00:04:41,790 --> 00:04:44,880
Власти урезали бюджет школы и меня уволили.
00:04:45,470 --> 00:04:50,260
С тарифами всё стоит больше,
медицинскую страховку отобрали,
00:04:50,340 --> 00:04:53,160
так что я страдаю, как все американцы.
00:04:56,650 --> 00:04:59,020
Ладно, счастливого Рождества!
00:05:01,860 --> 00:05:03,420
Нужно торопиться.
00:05:03,450 --> 00:05:06,970
Горожане могут нас раскрыть,
и скоро будет высер.
00:05:06,980 --> 00:05:08,720
Давай сверим часы.
00:05:08,810 --> 00:05:12,100
Это операция «Убить моего ребёнка».
00:05:12,930 --> 00:05:18,700
В Рождество я буду дома.
00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:25,260
В своих мечтах, мечтах, праздничных мечтах.
00:05:25,590 --> 00:05:30,180
Привет, старички, я Пегги Рокботтом.
Пришла вас повеселить.
00:05:30,610 --> 00:05:33,660
Иногда мы забываем о причине праздника,
00:05:33,670 --> 00:05:35,930
но в моей жизни всего один мужчина —
00:05:36,100 --> 00:05:37,590
Иисус Христос.
00:05:37,620 --> 00:05:39,370
Я написала ему песню.
00:05:41,270 --> 00:05:47,270
Христианка знает своё место.
Можешь просто взять и по лицу мне врезать.
00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:53,640
Я заслужила, я неправа!
Поэтому я песню эту вам принесла.
00:05:53,650 --> 00:06:00,000
У меня вставные сиськи и ботокс в губах,
с Рождеством Христовым вас!
00:06:00,730 --> 00:06:02,840
Все вместе, старички!
00:06:03,150 --> 00:06:06,180
Христианка знает своё место.
00:06:06,230 --> 00:06:09,070
Можешь просто взять и по лицу мне врезать.
00:06:09,170 --> 00:06:15,270
Я заслужила, я неправа!
Поэтому я песню эту вам принесла!
00:06:15,330 --> 00:06:21,810
У меня вставные сиськи и ботокс в губах,
с Рождеством Христовым вас!
00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:39,160
Не знаю, слышишь ли ты,
но мне нужно рождественское чудо.
00:06:42,570 --> 00:06:44,720
Если это ещё возможно,
00:06:45,620 --> 00:06:48,380
прошу, сотвори чудо.
00:07:04,970 --> 00:07:06,190
Ура!
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:08,720
Смотрите, это Стэнчик!
00:07:08,790 --> 00:07:10,080
Стэнчик!
00:07:10,940 --> 00:07:12,110
О нет!
00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:13,570
Ты скучал по нам?
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:15,580
О нет!
00:07:20,510 --> 00:07:22,750
Этот сукин... сын.
00:07:23,150 --> 00:07:25,390
Я могу родить в любую минуту.
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,340
«О, Сатана, ты рожаешь?
00:07:29,380 --> 00:07:32,420
Ладно, давай ты сделаешь всё, а я ничего».
00:07:32,550 --> 00:07:35,700
«Отличная идея, Дональд! Ты всегда так делаешь!»
00:07:37,330 --> 00:07:39,450
Какой же он мерзкий!
00:07:41,810 --> 00:07:43,410
Он просто свинья!
00:07:47,830 --> 00:07:49,580
Синие стринги?
00:07:50,620 --> 00:07:52,920
Он не носит синие стринги.
00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:54,730
Тогда чьи они?
00:07:54,740 --> 00:07:56,400
ДЖ. В.
00:07:56,410 --> 00:07:58,470
Вэнсааа...
00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:03,870
Это... трусы Вэнса...
00:08:04,980 --> 00:08:07,610
Они... вместе...
00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:10,680
О чём ты говоришь?
00:08:11,630 --> 00:08:15,640
Они хотят... убить ребёнка...
00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:17,310
Что?!
00:08:18,180 --> 00:08:20,850
Президент... Вэнс...
00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:23,390
много... секса...
00:08:23,630 --> 00:08:26,480
Я тебя не понимаю, ты в засохшем молоке!
00:08:26,750 --> 00:08:29,320
Это... не... молоко...
00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:30,900
Фу!
00:08:41,610 --> 00:08:44,660
Боже, спасибо! Спасибо, боже!
00:08:45,060 --> 00:08:47,250
Скажи мне всё, что знаешь!
00:08:47,830 --> 00:08:50,670
Скажу, но сначала... прошу...
00:08:50,740 --> 00:08:55,590
дай мне... немного накуриться.
00:08:55,620 --> 00:08:58,710
ДОМ ПРЕСТАРЕЛЫХ «ЦАРСТВО ТЕНЕЙ»
00:08:58,950 --> 00:09:00,160
Уходите!
00:09:01,430 --> 00:09:02,230
Подождите!
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:03,480
Что вам нужно?
00:09:03,790 --> 00:09:05,310
Ты что, не слышал?
00:09:05,510 --> 00:09:07,690
Сатана родит Антихриста!
00:09:08,010 --> 00:09:12,780
Да, он родит анального ребёнка,
будет большой высер!
00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:15,110
Никто так не любит высеры, как мы!
00:09:15,190 --> 00:09:17,090
- Да!
- Точно!
00:09:17,150 --> 00:09:19,350
Погодите, это бред какой-то!
00:09:19,550 --> 00:09:21,790
Вы же просто выдумка Картмана!
00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:26,160
Ты правда собираешься анализировать высер?
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:28,500
Да, у высеров нет правил!
00:09:28,660 --> 00:09:29,910
Да!
00:09:30,380 --> 00:09:35,510
Ребята, Стэн призвал нас
помочь Князю Тьмы, будем его слушаться.
00:09:35,790 --> 00:09:37,100
Я вас не призывал!
00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:40,160
Я вообще не в курсе ни про Сатану, ни про высеры!
00:09:40,310 --> 00:09:42,600
Но ты просил рождественское чудо!
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:45,560
А после высера всё станет лучше!
00:09:46,250 --> 00:09:48,570
Правда? Уверен?
00:09:49,170 --> 00:09:51,420
Конечно! Высеры рулят!
00:09:51,560 --> 00:09:53,210
Давайте приступать!
00:09:53,460 --> 00:09:54,890
Да!
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:01,470
О, наконец-то.
00:10:03,310 --> 00:10:06,940
В общем вице-президент Вэнс
против вашего ребёнка.
00:10:06,950 --> 00:10:11,680
Ведь он думает, что ребёнок
помешает ему стать президентом.
00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:15,530
Он убеждает Трампа избавиться от ребёнка,
00:10:15,540 --> 00:10:19,380
но Федеральная комиссия по связи ему мешает.
00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:23,620
Почему он не сказал мне, что не хочет ребёнка?
00:10:24,030 --> 00:10:29,490
Нельзя, чтобы кто-то знал об этом.
Республиканцы, аборты, вся эта хрень...
00:10:29,670 --> 00:10:30,850
Подрыв репутации.
00:10:32,150 --> 00:10:36,690
Короче, Вэнс нанял Питера Тиля,
чтоб он избавился от ребёнка,
00:10:36,700 --> 00:10:39,390
но Пэм Бонди узнала об этих планах.
00:10:39,560 --> 00:10:42,400
Чувак, такое нереально выдумать.
00:10:43,950 --> 00:10:45,630
И что я в нём нашёл?
00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:48,610
Потом президент разозлился на Вэнса, сказал:
00:10:48,620 --> 00:10:51,660
«Ты врёшь!», а он такой «Я вас защищал!»,
00:10:51,670 --> 00:10:54,810
а потом они начали трахаться снова, и снова, и...
00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:55,920
Хватит!
00:10:57,690 --> 00:11:00,220
Президент меня обманул.
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,700
Он обманул всех нас.
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:07,140
И я заставлю его заплатить.
00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:10,560
Да, мужик.
00:11:10,590 --> 00:11:12,620
Этому мудаку конец!
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:18,660
Особенный и важный день, Рождество зверюшек!
00:11:19,380 --> 00:11:20,410
Высер!
00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:23,650
ПОЛИЦЕЙСКИЙ УЧАСТОК ОКРУГА ПАРК
00:11:26,690 --> 00:11:28,580
Привет! С Рождеством!
00:11:28,650 --> 00:11:30,380
Счастливого Рождества!
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:33,040
Весёлых праздников, расслабься!
00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:37,420
Привет, мы из Армии спасения,
принесли еду заключённым!
00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:42,420
Еду заключённым?
00:11:42,550 --> 00:11:44,060
Да расслабься ты!
00:11:44,070 --> 00:11:46,100
Мы должны помогать нуждающимся!
00:11:46,430 --> 00:11:47,500
Мы принесли торт!
00:11:47,680 --> 00:11:48,890
Нам не нужен торт!
00:11:48,990 --> 00:11:51,430
Президент придёт за нами и...
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,490
Ну, это не навредит.
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:55,020
Митч, впусти их.
00:11:55,190 --> 00:11:57,420
Спасибо, дружище!
00:11:57,930 --> 00:12:01,250
Мы идём на высер, высер, высер,
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:04,160
чувствуем, что высер уже грядёт.
00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:07,360
Высер — это самый простой выход,
00:12:07,410 --> 00:12:10,530
высер из анала Сатаны нас ждёт.
00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:12,150
Так, подождите.
00:12:12,460 --> 00:12:14,310
Вы сказали, Сатана в Вашингтоне.
00:12:14,710 --> 00:12:16,810
Он был там, но скоро будет здесь!
00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:18,270
Откуда вам знать?
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:21,500
О, Пита ради, смирись с этим высером.
00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:22,950
Не бойся, Стэнчик.
00:12:22,970 --> 00:12:26,450
Всё уже предсказано,
и Антихриста никто не остановит.
00:12:26,610 --> 00:12:27,910
Кроме Питера Тиля.
00:12:29,270 --> 00:12:30,630
П-п-питер Тиль!
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:32,540
Того чувака с «шесть и семь»?
00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:34,670
Ты знаешь Питера Тиля?
00:12:34,910 --> 00:12:36,830
Он проводил в школе тупое собрание.
00:12:37,070 --> 00:12:38,290
Он здесь?
00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:39,750
Что ты будешь делать?
00:12:39,910 --> 00:12:41,880
Ты убьёшь и съешь его?
00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:43,000
Слушайте,
00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:46,470
я могу смириться только с тем,
что хотя бы имеет смысл.
00:12:46,830 --> 00:12:51,550
Ладно, Сьюзен Зонтаг,
сделаем, чтоб всё было логично.
00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:52,880
Да!
00:12:53,650 --> 00:12:56,420
ПОЛИЦЕЙСКИЙ УЧАСТОК ОКРУГА ПАРК
00:12:57,090 --> 00:12:58,910
Питер Тиль Красному Дракону.
00:12:59,100 --> 00:13:00,690
Приём, Дракон.
00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:03,110
Говори. Это Красный Дракон.
00:13:03,420 --> 00:13:04,900
Достал рацию из торта.
00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:07,070
Жду дальнейших инструкций.
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:08,010
Отлично.
00:13:08,180 --> 00:13:11,600
Просто жди, мы тебя вытащим,
чтоб ты убил ребёнка.
00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:13,420
Давай сверим часы.
00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:15,430
Дональд!
00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:17,000
Ой-ой.
00:13:17,260 --> 00:13:20,250
Ты мне соврал!
00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:22,440
Сатана!
00:13:22,540 --> 00:13:25,050
Мы занимались благотворительностью!
00:13:25,300 --> 00:13:27,110
А я так не думаю!
00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:32,390
Я рассказал Сатане все детали
вашего продуманного плана.
00:13:32,570 --> 00:13:34,680
Босс, ваш коврик для кончи!
00:13:35,010 --> 00:13:39,420
Я с тобой встречался,
пока вы трахались у меня за спиной?
00:13:39,470 --> 00:13:45,570
Дональд сказал,
что у него бородавки на члене?
00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:47,030
Да расслабься!
00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:48,470
Смотрите, вот он!
00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:50,190
Сатана!
00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:51,730
Да!
00:13:53,030 --> 00:13:55,000
Всё как в пророчестве!
00:13:55,230 --> 00:13:57,110
Полотенчик, что происходит?
00:13:57,120 --> 00:14:01,430
Разворачивается самый
изысканно сотканный гобелен идей,
00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:04,210
который только можно представить.
00:14:04,550 --> 00:14:08,510
Твоей лжи пришёл конец, Дональд,
как и нашим отношениям.
00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:12,080
Я рожу этого ребёнка.
00:14:12,090 --> 00:14:18,140
И тебе наконец-то придётся столкнуться
с последствиями своих действий.
00:14:33,980 --> 00:14:36,580
Не тронь моего президента, бро.
00:14:38,380 --> 00:14:41,140
Ого! Иисус Христос!
00:14:42,810 --> 00:14:46,880
Этот великий мужик защищает страну от педиков!
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:49,180
Что случилось с Иисусом?
00:14:49,190 --> 00:14:50,800
Принял христианство.
00:14:51,260 --> 00:14:54,040
Этот человек — обманщик.
00:14:54,130 --> 00:14:55,850
И я с ним разберусь!
00:14:56,060 --> 00:14:57,460
Я так не думаю!
00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:01,180
Да! Америка!
00:15:08,030 --> 00:15:11,200
Боже, всё становится только безумнее.
00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:19,040
В чём дело, Сатана?
00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:23,290
Это... ребёнок. Он выходит.
00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:25,170
Время пришло!
00:15:25,180 --> 00:15:26,590
Что делать, Стэн?
00:15:26,870 --> 00:15:29,380
Не знаю, ему надо в больницу!
00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:34,050
БОЛЬНИЦА «ВРАТА АДА»
00:15:34,820 --> 00:15:38,180
Ребята! Большой высер уже близко!
00:15:38,390 --> 00:15:40,350
Не могу дождаться! Не могу!
00:15:41,850 --> 00:15:43,270
Смотрите, доктор!
00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:44,750
Ура!
00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:46,530
Всё почти готово.
00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:49,940
Сделаем УЗИ и положим вас в операционную.
00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:52,620
Доктор, нужно торопиться.
00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:55,060
Потому что зло не дремлет.
00:16:02,410 --> 00:16:05,160
О да! Крутой мужик!
00:16:05,170 --> 00:16:07,040
Освободи Питера Тиля.
00:16:12,170 --> 00:16:14,050
Мистер президент, что случилось?
00:16:14,190 --> 00:16:17,540
Не знаю. Мне снова помог христианский дебил.
00:16:17,550 --> 00:16:18,720
Вперёд, христианство!
00:16:20,870 --> 00:16:22,250
Можем приступать.
00:16:22,260 --> 00:16:25,400
Нужно остановить Антихриста, времени мало.
00:16:25,630 --> 00:16:27,570
Босс, чтоб вы знали,
00:16:27,580 --> 00:16:30,640
Мне пофиг, что в моей жопе
генитальные бородавки.
00:16:30,650 --> 00:16:33,570
Я люблю вас.
00:16:33,620 --> 00:16:35,700
БОЛЬНИЦА «ВРАТА АДА»
00:16:36,090 --> 00:16:40,990
Не могу поверить,
что он оказался таким куском дерьма.
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,870
Я выбираю себе худших партнёров.
00:16:44,250 --> 00:16:47,540
Спокойно, Сатана, нужно беречь силы.
00:16:48,100 --> 00:16:50,260
Я знал, что он плохой.
00:16:50,270 --> 00:16:53,350
Но я не думал, что всё зайдёт так далеко.
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:54,630
Я такой тупой!
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:56,590
Нет, ты не тупой!
00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:58,780
Стэнчик, скажи, что он не тупой.
00:16:59,930 --> 00:17:01,180
Ты не тупой.
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:03,000
Нет, я тупой!
00:17:03,010 --> 00:17:07,190
Я видел, как он ко всем относится,
но закрывал на это глаза!
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:10,730
Потому что я просто хотел
рождественского чуда.
00:17:11,590 --> 00:17:13,400
Рождественское чудо?
00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:15,040
Мой ребёнок.
00:17:15,470 --> 00:17:18,660
Единственное хорошее,
что может быть в моей жизни.
00:17:20,650 --> 00:17:23,860
А теперь Иисус на стороне Дональда,
00:17:24,020 --> 00:17:26,460
и мы никогда не будем свободны.
00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:29,290
Сатана прав.
00:17:29,300 --> 00:17:32,940
Если на стороне президента Иисус,
его не остановить!
00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:37,300
Они придут и всё разрушат,
это лишь вопрос времени.
00:17:39,090 --> 00:17:40,370
Не огорчайтесь.
00:17:40,380 --> 00:17:42,180
У нас тоже есть оружие.
00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:43,380
Точно!
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:47,430
У них есть Иисус, но у нас есть Стэн!
00:17:47,550 --> 00:17:49,050
Да!
00:17:52,790 --> 00:17:55,830
Особенный и важный день,
Рождество зверюшек!
00:17:56,470 --> 00:17:58,450
Высер! Да! Вперёд!
00:17:58,870 --> 00:18:02,930
БОЛЬНИЦА «ВРАТА АДА»
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,360
Сделаем это!
00:18:09,530 --> 00:18:11,340
О нет! Они идут!
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:15,760
Что же нам делать?
00:18:18,690 --> 00:18:20,590
Где палата 67?
00:18:22,410 --> 00:18:23,340
Спасибо.
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:47,760
Эй, пацан, свали!
00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:48,520
Нет.
00:18:48,850 --> 00:18:51,630
Нужен Сатана? Только через нас.
00:18:51,850 --> 00:18:54,290
Я полностью принимаю этот высер.
00:18:54,310 --> 00:18:55,380
Да!
00:18:55,610 --> 00:18:59,090
Не слушай эти мерзкие порождения тьмы!
00:18:59,570 --> 00:19:01,530
Я не знаю, кому верить.
00:19:01,540 --> 00:19:04,990
Я просто хочу дать кому-то
рождественское чудо.
00:19:05,030 --> 00:19:06,600
Ведь я его не получил.
00:19:07,830 --> 00:19:10,010
Таким было Рождество.
00:19:10,020 --> 00:19:13,090
Все пытались помочь нуждающимся.
00:19:13,100 --> 00:19:15,970
Что стало с твоим духом Рождества, Иисус?
00:19:15,980 --> 00:19:17,050
Ты сдался.
00:19:17,060 --> 00:19:19,360
Сидишь и пинаешь балду.
00:19:21,310 --> 00:19:23,730
Я... не пинал эту балду!
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:25,790
Ну... ладно...
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:27,010
Может, и так!
00:19:27,020 --> 00:19:28,660
Но Пэгги сама просила!
00:19:28,770 --> 00:19:30,790
Я вообще не об этом говорил.
00:19:31,780 --> 00:19:33,560
Нет, ты прав.
00:19:34,580 --> 00:19:35,850
Ты прав, сын мой.
00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:38,500
Я сдался и потерял веру.
00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:40,340
Я не хочу этого.
00:19:40,740 --> 00:19:43,420
Эй! Я могу тебя засудить!
00:19:45,940 --> 00:19:47,660
Так возьми и засуди.
00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:51,170
Я больше не буду бояться.
00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:53,900
Я извиняюсь.
00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:58,030
Простите, что помешал, но...
у меня плохие новости.
00:20:00,060 --> 00:20:00,690
Что?
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,450
Что случилось?
00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:05,200
Мы сделали УЗИ, и...
00:20:05,340 --> 00:20:10,540
кажется, что пока никто не видел,
ребёнок повесился и покончил с собой.
00:20:12,630 --> 00:20:13,370
Что?!
00:20:13,430 --> 00:20:14,960
Что это значит?
00:20:15,130 --> 00:20:17,310
Боюсь, что вы сами увидите.
00:20:17,490 --> 00:20:19,310
Ребёнок достал простыню.
00:20:19,380 --> 00:20:22,430
Потом пару минут чёрный экран,
но это точно суицид.
00:20:23,270 --> 00:20:24,930
Да вы издеваетесь!
00:20:25,050 --> 00:20:26,680
Ребёнок повесился?
00:20:26,790 --> 00:20:30,220
Босс! Босс, это же чудо!
00:20:30,540 --> 00:20:33,720
Это значит, что высера не будет?
00:20:35,610 --> 00:20:38,320
Вы смотрите Fox News, экстренный выпуск.
00:20:38,590 --> 00:20:41,150
Fox News только что сообщили о том,
00:20:41,180 --> 00:20:44,170
что нерождённый ребёнок Сатаны и президента
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:48,110
решил выбрать самый простой путь и убил себя.
00:20:48,390 --> 00:20:50,480
Да, это печальное событие.
00:20:50,510 --> 00:20:52,910
Fox News проанализировали УЗИ.
00:20:53,030 --> 00:20:56,680
Скорее всего, на этих кадрах
ребёнок думает о суициде.
00:20:56,690 --> 00:20:58,650
Этой части нет, и дальше он мёртв.
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:02,670
Подтверждённое самоубийство.
Есть даже маленький стул.
00:21:02,830 --> 00:21:04,880
Дети иногда так делают.
00:21:05,130 --> 00:21:10,250
Если вы или ваш знакомый
зародыш думаете о самоубийстве,
00:21:10,330 --> 00:21:14,100
советуем звонить на Fox News
так часто, как сможете.
00:21:14,370 --> 00:21:18,160
Мы все выражаем
свои соболезнования президенту,
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:22,000
который проведёт в Белом доме похороны ребёнка.
00:21:34,650 --> 00:21:36,020
Эй, с Рождеством!
00:21:36,070 --> 00:21:38,480
Слышали новости? Ребёнок умер!
00:21:38,580 --> 00:21:41,240
Да, мистер президент, нам очень жаль.
00:21:41,470 --> 00:21:43,730
С праздником! Ребёнок мёртв!
00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:45,600
Вы в порядке, сэр?
00:21:45,660 --> 00:21:47,980
Мне так тяжело! Держите сигару!
00:21:48,770 --> 00:21:50,240
ЭТО ТРУП!
00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:52,600
Пэм, с Рождеством! Ребёнок мёртв!
00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:54,770
Вы такой сильный, мистер президент.
00:21:55,030 --> 00:21:57,000
Вы отлично справляетесь.
00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,060
О, спасибо, Пэм!
00:21:59,780 --> 00:22:03,290
МОЁ ПЕРВОЕ РОЖДЕСТВО
00:22:05,390 --> 00:22:08,750
ПЕРВОЕ РОЖДЕСТВО МАЛЫША
00:22:15,150 --> 00:22:18,810
ПЕРВОЕ РОЖДЕСТВО МАЛЫША
00:22:23,190 --> 00:22:24,580
МОЁ ПЕРВОЕ РОЖДЕСТВО
00:22:50,410 --> 00:22:52,770
Я победил! Я победил!
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:55,150
Я снова победил!
00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:09,510
ДОМ ПРЕСТАРЕЛЫХ «ЦАРСТВО ТЕНЕЙ»
00:23:09,970 --> 00:23:12,490
Письма из дома. Это вам.
00:23:12,590 --> 00:23:14,620
Поздравления от любимых.
00:23:14,690 --> 00:23:15,380
Держите.
00:23:16,610 --> 00:23:18,210
Тебе тоже прислали.
00:23:22,610 --> 00:23:24,150
СТЭНУ ОТ ИИСУСА
00:23:27,830 --> 00:23:30,240
Дорогой Стэн, я пишу,
00:23:30,300 --> 00:23:32,750
потому что должен извиниться.
00:23:33,020 --> 00:23:34,760
И поблагодарить тебя.
00:23:35,540 --> 00:23:37,960
Ты просил рождественское чудо,
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:39,930
но я не послушал.
00:23:40,380 --> 00:23:42,690
Теперь иди на этот адрес.
00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:44,000
Быть не может!
00:23:51,260 --> 00:23:55,150
С РОЖДЕСТВОМ, СТЭН
00:24:16,740 --> 00:24:18,960
Спасибо. Спасибо!
00:24:21,140 --> 00:24:24,520
Я буду рядом. Смотреть за всеми.
00:24:25,140 --> 00:24:26,240
Будь добрым.
00:24:26,360 --> 00:24:30,140
И помни, не бросай то, во что вкладывался.
00:24:30,490 --> 00:24:32,270
Он такой классный, да?
00:24:32,390 --> 00:24:34,410
Всем счастливого Рождества!
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:37,340
Желаю всем хороших праздников!
00:24:37,360 --> 00:24:43,240
Христианка знает своё место.
Можешь просто взять и по лицу мне врезать.
00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:49,580
Я заслужила, я неправа!
Поэтому я песню эту вам принесла!
00:24:49,610 --> 00:24:56,190
У меня вставные сиськи и ботокс в губах,
с Рождеством Христовым вас!
00:24:56,740 --> 00:24:58,640
Все вместе, старички!
00:24:59,250 --> 00:25:05,150
Христианка знает своё место.
Можешь просто взять и по лицу мне врезать.
00:25:05,250 --> 00:25:11,370
Я заслужила, я неправа!
Поэтому я песню эту вам принесла!
00:25:11,430 --> 00:25:17,910
У меня вставные сиськи и ботокс в губах,
с Рождеством Христовым вас!
00:25:17,980 --> 00:25:23,910
Христианка знает своё место.
Можешь просто взять и по лицу мне врезать.
00:25:23,980 --> 00:25:25,940
Я заслужила, я неправа...
00:25:25,950 --> 00:25:29,940
Переведено студией HDrezka Studio.
eng__Eng.srt
eng__Eng.srt
00:00:10,488 --> 00:00:12,363
♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
00:00:12,447 --> 00:00:13,947
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:13,970 --> 00:00:15,754
♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:15,885 --> 00:00:17,020
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪
00:00:17,104 --> 00:00:18,847
♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:18,931 --> 00:00:20,672
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,759 --> 00:00:22,460
♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor" ♪
00:00:22,544 --> 00:00:23,678
♪ I'm headin' on down to South Park ♪
00:00:23,762 --> 00:00:25,808
♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:30,250
♪ Come on down to South Park ♪
00:00:30,334 --> 00:00:32,119
♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
00:00:37,211 --> 00:00:38,824
The past few months have just been...
00:00:38,908 --> 00:00:41,302
Really awful.
00:00:41,432 --> 00:00:42,955
There were these ICE raids
00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:46,092
and my dad's company went out of business.
00:00:46,176 --> 00:00:47,833
Then we lost our house and had to move
00:00:47,917 --> 00:00:51,094
into the old folks home with my grandpa.
00:00:51,225 --> 00:00:52,794
It's like everything keeps changing
00:00:52,878 --> 00:00:55,446
and I really don't know how to cope with it.
00:00:57,492 --> 00:00:59,062
Uh-huh.
00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:00,933
And how exactly do you feel
like shit has changed, bro?
00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:07,023
Well, Jesus,
It just seems like
00:01:07,154 --> 00:01:08,723
people aren't really as kind and giving
00:01:08,807 --> 00:01:10,334
as they used to be, you know?
00:01:10,418 --> 00:01:12,162
Like, I just got some money from Saudi Arabia
00:01:12,246 --> 00:01:13,641
and I'm thinking of sharing it.
00:01:13,725 --> 00:01:16,475
'Cause I feel like that's what
everyone needs right now.
00:01:16,511 --> 00:01:19,905
Like, a big Christmas miracle?
00:01:22,256 --> 00:01:24,435
Sounds like some socialist
bullshit to me, bro.
00:01:25,911 --> 00:01:27,090
Jesus, I don't wanna live
00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:28,656
in an old folks home anymore,
OK?
00:01:28,740 --> 00:01:30,267
Now, I don't know what's
made you change like this,
00:01:30,351 --> 00:01:33,444
but we need some
God damn Christmas magic!
00:01:33,528 --> 00:01:36,708
Hey, baby, I brought us some Pinot Grigio!
00:01:36,792 --> 00:01:38,742
What took you so long?
00:01:38,750 --> 00:01:41,536
- Don't be mad--
- I was out doing my charity work!
00:01:41,623 --> 00:01:42,888
I'm a Christian,
00:01:42,972 --> 00:01:44,800
so I sing to people in need!
00:01:44,930 --> 00:01:47,281
Just shut up and pour me that shit.
00:01:47,411 --> 00:01:49,025
You wanna make your life better, Stan?
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,722
Join the frickin' club!
00:01:50,806 --> 00:01:53,246
This is the time of year we all
wish things were better.
00:01:53,330 --> 00:01:55,683
But trust me, nothing miraculous
00:01:55,767 --> 00:01:58,640
is gonna happen to anyone.
00:02:04,602 --> 00:02:06,346
♪ The crib is decorated ♪
00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:08,392
♪ And the nursery's all planned ♪
00:02:08,476 --> 00:02:12,393
♪ I put holly on the diapers
With all the love I can ♪
00:02:12,523 --> 00:02:14,351
♪ Tiny dreams in tinsel glow ♪
00:02:14,438 --> 00:02:16,223
♪ What's more special than ♪
00:02:16,353 --> 00:02:20,662
♪ A new baby at Christmastime ♪
00:02:20,792 --> 00:02:23,360
Only days remain until America meets
00:02:23,447 --> 00:02:25,800
President Trump's demon spawn.
00:02:25,884 --> 00:02:29,279
How Satan will give birth to
the butt baby is still unclear,
00:02:29,410 --> 00:02:32,764
but everyone knows the crap-out is coming.
00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:34,589
♪ Don the wipes and mistletoe ♪
00:02:34,676 --> 00:02:36,460
♪ There's so much to be done ♪
00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:40,464
♪ We'll drink eggnog and cocoa
when labor has begun ♪
00:02:40,551 --> 00:02:44,381
♪ So many reasons to be glad,
and I'll be having one ♪
00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:48,432
♪ A new baby at Christmastime ♪
00:02:48,516 --> 00:02:52,218
♪ I will love the baby and so will its dad ♪
00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:55,787
♪ We will be so...
Wait a minute. ♪
00:02:55,871 --> 00:02:58,003
Where the hell is he?
00:02:58,134 --> 00:02:59,483
Donald?
00:02:59,614 --> 00:03:01,616
Donald!
00:03:01,703 --> 00:03:03,183
Where is Donald?
00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:04,535
Oh, sorry, Satan.
00:03:04,619 --> 00:03:05,927
The President had to fly to Colorado
00:03:06,011 --> 00:03:07,491
on an urgent matter.
00:03:07,578 --> 00:03:11,060
An urgent matter?
Are you serious right now?
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,457
I told him this was the day
00:03:13,541 --> 00:03:16,242
we were going to sing songs
and decorate the nursery!
00:03:16,326 --> 00:03:18,418
What is he doing
that's more urgent than that?
00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:21,029
Sorry, it's all high-level classified stuff.
00:03:21,113 --> 00:03:22,988
Even we don't have clearance
to know what he's doing.
00:03:23,072 --> 00:03:26,818
He is such a piece a shit!
00:03:26,902 --> 00:03:30,256
He does this to me all the time!
00:03:30,340 --> 00:03:34,953
I'm about to have this baby,
and he's out fucking around!
00:03:37,608 --> 00:03:38,870
Hormones, huh?
00:03:38,957 --> 00:03:41,090
It is strange that the President hasn't
00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:43,574
even informed me why he's going to Colorado.
00:03:43,658 --> 00:03:45,619
Well, the President said it's top secret
00:03:45,703 --> 00:03:47,923
and only he and the vice president can know.
00:03:48,053 --> 00:03:50,621
Whatever they're doing...
00:03:50,752 --> 00:03:55,235
Must be part of an extremely
covert military operation.
00:03:59,543 --> 00:04:01,418
Merry Christmas!
00:04:01,502 --> 00:04:04,156
Relax, guy!
00:04:04,287 --> 00:04:07,899
Hey-hey-hey!
Relax, guy!
00:04:07,986 --> 00:04:10,862
OK, Boss, this is the place.
00:04:10,946 --> 00:04:13,256
That is the police station over there.
00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:15,690
That's where they are keeping
Peter Thiel.
00:04:15,777 --> 00:04:17,996
All right, we just gotta keep it quiet.
00:04:18,127 --> 00:04:20,738
Nobody can know
I want to kill this baby--ope!
00:04:20,869 --> 00:04:23,263
Merry Christmas!
Hey-hey-hey!
00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:24,655
Relax!
00:04:27,528 --> 00:04:29,228
Are you sure this
Peter Thiel can do it?
00:04:29,312 --> 00:04:30,705
Yes, Boss.
00:04:30,792 --> 00:04:32,884
But we must find a way to break him out
00:04:32,968 --> 00:04:34,277
of that police-
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:36,276
Happy holidays!
00:04:36,363 --> 00:04:38,452
Hey-hey-hey!
00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:41,632
Oh, I'm sorry, I don't have
any spare change, mkay?
00:04:41,716 --> 00:04:43,500
The government cut school funding
00:04:43,587 --> 00:04:45,546
so I lost my job.
00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:47,246
Then, you know, everything costs more
00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:50,377
with all the tariffs,
and my health care got cut,
00:04:50,464 --> 00:04:54,163
so I'm just struggling
like a lot of Americans are.
00:04:56,731 --> 00:04:59,081
All right, well, Merry Christmas!
00:05:01,823 --> 00:05:03,346
We better hurry, Boss.
00:05:03,477 --> 00:05:04,826
The town might be onto us,
00:05:04,956 --> 00:05:07,002
and the crap-out could be any minute now.
00:05:07,132 --> 00:05:08,882
OK, let's synchronize our watches.
00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:12,706
It's time to complete
Operation Kill My Own Baby!
00:05:12,790 --> 00:05:19,057
♪ I'll be home for Christmas ♪
00:05:19,188 --> 00:05:25,499
♪ If only in my dreams,
my dreams, my holiday dreams ♪
00:05:25,629 --> 00:05:28,113
Hello, seniors,
I'm Peggy Rockbottom
00:05:28,197 --> 00:05:30,460
here to spread a little holiday cheer.
00:05:30,591 --> 00:05:33,811
You know, sometimes we forget
the reason for the season.
00:05:33,942 --> 00:05:36,074
But there's only one man in my life,
00:05:36,205 --> 00:05:37,688
and that man is Jesus Christ.
00:05:37,772 --> 00:05:39,298
And I wrote this song for him.
00:05:41,645 --> 00:05:44,518
♪ A Christian woman knows her place ♪
00:05:44,648 --> 00:05:47,393
♪ So go ahead and punch me in the face ♪
00:05:47,477 --> 00:05:51,002
♪ 'Cause I deserve it,
I was wrong ♪
00:05:51,089 --> 00:05:53,875
♪ That's why I wrote this holiday song ♪
00:05:54,005 --> 00:05:56,707
♪ With my big fake tits and my Botox lips ♪
00:05:56,791 --> 00:06:00,577
♪ Saying merry Christmas,
Jesus Christ ♪
00:06:00,664 --> 00:06:03,319
Come on, seniors, sing along!
00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:06,540
♪ A Christian woman knows her place ♪
00:06:06,670 --> 00:06:09,281
♪ So go ahead and punch me in the face ♪
00:06:09,412 --> 00:06:12,459
♪ 'Cause I deserve it,
I was wrong ♪
00:06:12,589 --> 00:06:15,462
♪ That's why I wrote this holiday song ♪
00:06:15,549 --> 00:06:18,682
♪ With my big fake tits and my Botox lips ♪
00:06:18,769 --> 00:06:23,034
♪ To say merry Christmas,
Jesus Christ ♪
00:06:33,828 --> 00:06:36,570
I don't know if you can hear me,
00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:39,660
but I've been kind of wishing
for a Christmas miracle.
00:06:42,837 --> 00:06:45,622
If miracles can still even happen,
00:06:45,709 --> 00:06:48,756
please, make it happen now.
00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:06,295
Yay!
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,605
Look, guys, it's Stanny!
00:07:08,689 --> 00:07:10,781
Stanny!
00:07:10,865 --> 00:07:12,260
Oh, no!
00:07:12,344 --> 00:07:15,565
- Did you miss us, Stan?
- Oh, no!
00:07:20,135 --> 00:07:23,010
That son of a bitch.
00:07:23,094 --> 00:07:27,316
I could give birth any minute.
00:07:27,403 --> 00:07:29,579
"Oh, hey, Satan, you about to go into labor?
00:07:29,710 --> 00:07:31,367
"OK, how about you go do everything,
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:32,974
and I'll do nothing?"
00:07:33,061 --> 00:07:36,194
Oh, yeah, great idea, Donald!
Just like you always do.
00:07:36,325 --> 00:07:41,072
Ugh.
God, he is so disgusting.
00:07:41,156 --> 00:07:43,550
Ugh, he's such a pig!
00:07:48,076 --> 00:07:50,473
A blue jock strap?
00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:53,432
He doesn't wear a blue jock strap.
00:07:53,516 --> 00:07:56,127
Who does this belong to?
00:07:56,258 --> 00:07:59,960
Vance.
00:08:00,044 --> 00:08:04,835
It's Vance.
00:08:04,919 --> 00:08:08,357
They're together.
00:08:08,444 --> 00:08:11,229
What are you talking about?
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:16,321
They just wanna kill the baby.
00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:17,758
What?
00:08:17,888 --> 00:08:23,633
The President... Vance...
So much sex.
00:08:23,764 --> 00:08:25,203
I can't understand you 'cause you're covered
00:08:25,287 --> 00:08:26,506
in dried-up milk!
00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:29,291
It's not milk.
00:08:29,378 --> 00:08:31,032
Eww!
00:08:38,169 --> 00:08:41,564
Oh!
00:08:41,695 --> 00:08:44,785
Oh, thank God! Oh, thank God!
00:08:44,915 --> 00:08:47,439
Tell me everything you know!
00:08:47,570 --> 00:08:50,834
I will, but first...
Please...
00:08:50,965 --> 00:08:55,622
I need to get...
Just a little high.
00:08:58,842 --> 00:09:00,191
Go away!
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:03,633
What do you guys want?
00:09:03,717 --> 00:09:05,548
Well, didn't you hear, Stan?
00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:07,851
Satan's gonna give birth to the antichrist!
00:09:07,982 --> 00:09:10,161
Yeah, he's gonna have a butt baby
00:09:10,245 --> 00:09:12,987
and there's gonna be a big crap-out!
00:09:13,074 --> 00:09:15,174
And nobody loves a crap-out more than us!
00:09:17,252 --> 00:09:18,343
Wait a minute, wait, wait, wait.
00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:19,827
This doesn't make any sense!
00:09:19,863 --> 00:09:21,128
You guys are just something
that Cartman made up
00:09:21,212 --> 00:09:23,258
in his head!
00:09:23,388 --> 00:09:26,304
Aww, are you really gonna
overanalyze a crap-out?
00:09:26,435 --> 00:09:28,527
No way!
Crap-outs have no rules!
00:09:28,611 --> 00:09:30,181
Yay!
00:09:30,265 --> 00:09:32,702
All right, y'all,
Stan wished us here
00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:35,578
to help the Prince of Darkness,
so we gotta do what he says.
00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:37,362
I didn't wish for that!
00:09:37,446 --> 00:09:39,233
I didn't know anything
about Satan having a baby
00:09:39,317 --> 00:09:40,754
or crap-outs.
00:09:40,884 --> 00:09:42,846
But you asked for a Christmas miracle, Stan!
00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:45,628
And this crap-out's gonna
make everything better!
00:09:45,759 --> 00:09:48,892
It is? Are you sure?
00:09:49,023 --> 00:09:51,460
Of course!
Crap-outs are the best!
00:09:51,547 --> 00:09:53,509
Come on!
Let's get to it!
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:56,683
Yay!
00:09:59,381 --> 00:10:01,560
Oh, it's been so long.
00:10:03,341 --> 00:10:05,390
So then Vice President Vance,
00:10:05,474 --> 00:10:07,131
he doesn't want you to have the baby, right?
00:10:07,215 --> 00:10:09,347
'Cause he thinks your baby is gonna hurt
00:10:09,478 --> 00:10:12,092
his chances of becoming president.
00:10:12,176 --> 00:10:15,789
So he convinces Trump to try
to get rid of the baby himself,
00:10:15,919 --> 00:10:20,358
but every time he tries,
he gets blocked by the FCC.
00:10:20,489 --> 00:10:24,061
If he didn't want the baby,
why didn't he tell me?
00:10:24,145 --> 00:10:26,280
They couldn't let anyone know
they wanted to get rid
00:10:26,364 --> 00:10:29,411
of the baby because, you know,
Republicans, abortions--
00:10:29,498 --> 00:10:30,891
It's a bad look.
00:10:32,501 --> 00:10:33,984
So then Vance gets this guy
Peter Thiel
00:10:34,068 --> 00:10:36,421
to get rid of the baby,
and Thiel's about to come do it
00:10:36,505 --> 00:10:38,105
when Pam Bondi suddenly finds out
00:10:38,159 --> 00:10:39,769
there's a plot to kill the baby.
00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:43,947
So crazy, man.
You can't write this shit.
00:10:44,078 --> 00:10:45,819
What did I ever see in him?
00:10:45,949 --> 00:10:48,041
So then The President,
he's pissed off at Vance.
00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:50,435
He says, you've been
lying to me, but Vance says,
00:10:50,519 --> 00:10:51,784
I was just trying to protect you,
00:10:51,868 --> 00:10:53,368
and then they start having sex
00:10:53,391 --> 00:10:54,613
over and over and over and ove--
00:10:54,697 --> 00:10:57,569
Enough!
00:10:57,700 --> 00:11:01,182
The president hath deceived me.
00:11:01,312 --> 00:11:04,014
He hath deceived us all.
00:11:04,098 --> 00:11:07,188
And I shall make him pay.
00:11:09,756 --> 00:11:12,628
Oh, hell yeah, man.
Let's go get that motherfucker.
00:11:16,632 --> 00:11:17,897
♪ What a special time, it's a special day ♪
00:11:17,981 --> 00:11:19,377
♪ It's a Woodland Critter
Christmas ♪
00:11:19,461 --> 00:11:20,897
Crap-out!
00:11:26,642 --> 00:11:28,734
Hey! Merry Christmas!
00:11:28,818 --> 00:11:33,214
- Merry Christmas!
- Happy Holidays! Relax, guy!
00:11:33,344 --> 00:11:35,825
Hello, we're with the Salvation Army!
00:11:35,956 --> 00:11:37,906
We brought some food for your prisoners!
00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:44,181
- Food for the prisoners?
- Hey, relax, guy!
00:11:44,312 --> 00:11:46,562
This is the time of year
to give to the needy!
00:11:46,575 --> 00:11:49,125
- We brought 'em this cake!
- We don't need your cake!
00:11:49,230 --> 00:11:51,844
The president's gonna come
for us, and he's gonna--oof!
00:11:51,928 --> 00:11:53,582
Well, I guess there's no harm.
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,108
Mitch, let 'em in.
00:11:55,192 --> 00:11:57,937
Hey, thanks, buddy!
00:11:58,021 --> 00:11:59,722
♪ We're headin' for a crap-out ♪
00:11:59,806 --> 00:12:01,416
♪ Crap-out, crap-out ♪
00:12:01,546 --> 00:12:04,727
♪ We smell a crap-out comin' soon ♪
00:12:04,811 --> 00:12:07,683
♪ Don't take the hard route
♪ Just get to the crapout ♪
00:12:07,814 --> 00:12:10,730
♪ Satan's gonna crap out his anal womb ♪
00:12:10,817 --> 00:12:12,688
OK, hold on a second.
00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:14,562
You said that Satan was in Washington, D.C.
00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:16,953
Yeah, he was, and now he's about to be here!
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,607
But how can you know that?
00:12:18,694 --> 00:12:20,656
Oh, for Pete's sake, Stanny,
will you just get on board
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:21,613
with the crap-out already?
00:12:21,697 --> 00:12:23,180
Don't worry, Stanny.
00:12:23,264 --> 00:12:25,182
Everything has been foretold
and nothing can stop
00:12:25,266 --> 00:12:26,658
the antichrist from coming.
00:12:26,789 --> 00:12:27,967
Except, of course, for Peter Thiel!
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:30,793
P-P-P-Peter Thiel!
00:12:30,924 --> 00:12:32,624
Wait, you mean the six seven guy?
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,928
You know Peter Thiel?
00:12:35,058 --> 00:12:36,889
Yeah, he did a big dumb
assembly at the school.
00:12:36,973 --> 00:12:38,496
He's here?
00:12:38,627 --> 00:12:39,936
What are you gonna do,
Stanny?
00:12:40,020 --> 00:12:41,978
Are you gonna kill him and eat him?
00:12:42,065 --> 00:12:43,240
All right, look.
00:12:43,371 --> 00:12:44,636
If I'm gonna get on board with something,
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:46,769
I need it make at least
a little bit of sense.
00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:49,246
Well, OK, Susan Sontag, we'll make sure
00:12:49,377 --> 00:12:51,205
it all lines up perfectly for ya.
00:12:51,335 --> 00:12:53,642
Yay!
00:12:56,645 --> 00:12:58,955
Peter Thiel to Red Dragon.
00:12:59,039 --> 00:13:00,867
Come in, Red Dragon.
00:13:00,997 --> 00:13:03,260
Go ahead, guy.
This is Red Dragon.
00:13:03,391 --> 00:13:05,135
I got the walkie in the cake.
00:13:05,219 --> 00:13:07,137
Awaiting further instructions.
00:13:07,221 --> 00:13:08,483
Excellent.
00:13:08,613 --> 00:13:10,357
Just stand by, and we'll
find a way to get you out
00:13:10,441 --> 00:13:11,834
so you can kill my baby.
00:13:11,965 --> 00:13:13,317
Let's synchronize our watches.
00:13:13,401 --> 00:13:15,536
Donald!
00:13:15,620 --> 00:13:17,100
Uh-oh.
00:13:17,231 --> 00:13:21,496
You have lied to me.
00:13:21,626 --> 00:13:25,155
Satan! We were just doing some charity work!
00:13:25,239 --> 00:13:27,244
Yeah, I don't think so!
00:13:27,328 --> 00:13:32,550
I told Satan every detail
of your expertly-crafted plot.
00:13:32,681 --> 00:13:34,944
Boss, it's your cum rag!
00:13:35,075 --> 00:13:37,950
I stayed with you while you two are fucking
00:13:38,034 --> 00:13:39,557
behind my back?
00:13:39,688 --> 00:13:42,604
Did Donald tell you he has genital warts?
00:13:44,475 --> 00:13:47,130
Hey, relax there, guy.
00:13:47,261 --> 00:13:48,526
Look, there he is!
00:13:48,610 --> 00:13:50,133
It's Satan!
00:13:50,264 --> 00:13:52,965
Yay!
00:13:53,049 --> 00:13:55,095
Just as the prophecy foretold!
00:13:55,225 --> 00:13:57,100
Towelie? What's going on?
00:13:57,184 --> 00:14:01,101
What's going on is the most
exquisitely woven tapestry
00:14:01,231 --> 00:14:04,455
of ideas that you've ever seen, man.
00:14:04,539 --> 00:14:09,242
Your deception is over,
Donald, and so are we.
00:14:09,326 --> 00:14:12,025
This child will be born.
00:14:12,155 --> 00:14:15,115
And for once, you are going to have to live
00:14:15,245 --> 00:14:18,205
with the consequences of your actions.
00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:36,658
Keep your hands off my president, bro.
00:14:38,529 --> 00:14:41,057
Whoa! It's Jesus Christ!
00:14:41,141 --> 00:14:42,667
Aww!
00:14:42,751 --> 00:14:44,495
This happens to be a great man
00:14:44,579 --> 00:14:47,019
who's protecting our country from fags.
00:14:47,103 --> 00:14:49,065
What the hell happened to Jesus?
00:14:49,149 --> 00:14:51,110
He's all Christian now.
00:14:51,194 --> 00:14:55,938
This man is a con artist,
and I will deal with him!
00:14:56,069 --> 00:14:59,159
Don't think so, bro!
00:14:59,289 --> 00:15:04,033
Yeah! America! Whoo!
00:15:08,037 --> 00:15:11,261
Oh, my God, this just keeps getting crazier.
00:15:17,438 --> 00:15:19,222
What's wrong, Satan?
00:15:19,353 --> 00:15:23,574
It's the baby.
I think it's coming.
00:15:23,661 --> 00:15:26,624
- Oh, wow, y'all, it's time!
- What do we do, Stan?
00:15:26,708 --> 00:15:27,930
I don't know!
00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:29,929
You gotta get him to a hospital!
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:38,372
Oh, boy! The big crap-out is almost here!
00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:41,682
I can hardly wait!
Can hardly wait!
00:15:41,766 --> 00:15:43,246
Look, it's the doctor!
00:15:43,377 --> 00:15:44,947
Yay!
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:46,774
All right, we're almost ready.
00:15:46,858 --> 00:15:48,385
We just wanna run a quick ultrasound,
00:15:48,469 --> 00:15:50,213
and we'll get you into the OR.
00:15:50,297 --> 00:15:55,737
Doctor, we must hurry.
There are evil forces at work.
00:16:02,178 --> 00:16:05,051
All right!
This guy's incredible!
00:16:05,181 --> 00:16:08,144
OK, now set Peter Thiel free!
00:16:12,449 --> 00:16:15,061
- Mr. President! What happened?
- I don't know!
00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:17,414
I got another Christian dipshit
to help me get what I want!
00:16:17,498 --> 00:16:18,760
Let's go, Christianity!
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,285
Then we can proceed.
00:16:22,416 --> 00:16:23,966
We have very little time to stop
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,506
the antichrist from coming.
00:16:25,636 --> 00:16:27,467
Boss, just so you know,
00:16:27,551 --> 00:16:30,467
I don't care if my asshole
is filled with genital warts.
00:16:30,598 --> 00:16:31,991
I still love you.
00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:38,258
I can't believe he turned out to be
00:16:38,388 --> 00:16:40,912
this big of a piece a shit.
00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:44,177
I seriously fall for the worst guys.
00:16:44,307 --> 00:16:47,745
Now, now, Satan, you need
to save your strength!
00:16:47,876 --> 00:16:50,447
I mean,
I knew he sucked, OK?
00:16:50,531 --> 00:16:53,363
I knew it, but I didn't think
he would go this far.
00:16:53,447 --> 00:16:56,667
- I am so stupid.
- No! You're not stupid!
00:16:56,754 --> 00:16:59,847
Stanny, tell Satan he's not stupid.
00:16:59,931 --> 00:17:02,938
- You're not stupid.
- No, I'm stupid!
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,980
I saw how he treated everyone,
00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:07,246
but I was willing to look the other way.
00:17:07,330 --> 00:17:11,424
All because I just wanted
my Christmas miracle.
00:17:11,508 --> 00:17:13,510
Your Christmas miracle?
00:17:13,641 --> 00:17:15,556
My little baby.
00:17:15,686 --> 00:17:20,651
The only thing in my life
that could actually be good.
00:17:20,735 --> 00:17:23,912
But now Donald has Jesus on his side,
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:26,480
and we'll never be free.
00:17:27,829 --> 00:17:29,529
Satan's right.
00:17:29,613 --> 00:17:32,968
If the President has Jesus
on his side, he's unstoppable!
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,705
It's only a matter of time
00:17:34,792 --> 00:17:37,189
before they come here and ruin everything.
00:17:37,273 --> 00:17:38,883
Aww!
00:17:39,014 --> 00:17:40,537
Now, don't be down, y'all.
00:17:40,668 --> 00:17:43,630
- We have our own secret weapon.
- That's right!
00:17:43,714 --> 00:17:47,327
They might have Jesus, but we've got Stan!
00:17:47,457 --> 00:17:48,937
Yay!
00:17:53,768 --> 00:17:55,077
♪ What a special time, it's a special day ♪
00:17:55,161 --> 00:17:56,513
♪ It's a Woodland Critter
Christmas ♪
00:17:56,597 --> 00:17:58,947
Crap-out! Yeah! Let's go!
00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:09,175
Let's do this!
00:18:09,305 --> 00:18:11,394
Oh, no, here they c-c-c-come!
00:18:13,527 --> 00:18:15,833
What are we gonna do?
00:18:18,358 --> 00:18:20,664
Where is room 6-7?
00:18:22,362 --> 00:18:23,279
Thank you!
00:18:46,429 --> 00:18:49,174
- Hey, kid! Get out of the way!
- No.
00:18:49,258 --> 00:18:52,008
If you wanna get to Satan,
you'll have to go through us.
00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:53,915
I am fully embracing this crap-out.
00:18:54,002 --> 00:18:55,789
Yay!
00:18:55,873 --> 00:18:59,312
Do not listen to these foul
creatures of darkness, child!
00:18:59,442 --> 00:19:01,575
I don't know who to listen to anymore.
00:19:01,662 --> 00:19:03,536
All I know is,
I might as well help someone
00:19:03,620 --> 00:19:05,100
get their Christmas miracle.
00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:07,885
'Cause nobody's helping me with mine.
00:19:08,016 --> 00:19:09,977
At least that's what
Christmas used to mean.
00:19:10,061 --> 00:19:11,501
Trying to make things a little easier
00:19:11,585 --> 00:19:13,135
for someone else who needed it.
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:14,452
I don't know what happened
00:19:14,457 --> 00:19:16,027
to your Spirit of Christmas,
Jesus.
00:19:16,111 --> 00:19:19,941
Let's face it, you gave up,
and now you've hit rock bottom.
00:19:21,421 --> 00:19:24,075
Hey, I didn't hit her, OK?
00:19:24,206 --> 00:19:27,035
I mean, all right, maybe I did!
00:19:27,122 --> 00:19:28,906
But Peggy was asking' for it!
00:19:29,037 --> 00:19:31,782
That's actually not at all
what I was talking about.
00:19:31,866 --> 00:19:34,524
No. You're right.
00:19:34,608 --> 00:19:36,436
You're right, my child.
00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:38,919
I gave up and I lost faith.
00:19:39,003 --> 00:19:40,530
I don't want to do this.
00:19:40,614 --> 00:19:43,573
Hey!
Don't forget I can sue you!
00:19:46,010 --> 00:19:48,622
Then go ahead and sue me.
00:19:48,709 --> 00:19:52,542
I'm not going to be afraid anymore.
00:19:52,626 --> 00:19:54,018
Excuse me, everyone.
00:19:54,149 --> 00:19:55,762
Sorry--sorry to interrupt,
00:19:55,846 --> 00:19:59,984
but I'm afraid we have some really bad news.
00:20:00,068 --> 00:20:03,376
- What?
- What? What happened?
00:20:03,506 --> 00:20:05,508
We've looked at the ultrasound, and...
00:20:05,595 --> 00:20:08,471
It appears that at some point
when nobody was watching,
00:20:08,555 --> 00:20:10,861
the baby hung itself and took its own life.
00:20:12,820 --> 00:20:15,217
- What?
- What are you talking about?
00:20:15,301 --> 00:20:17,501
I'm afraid you can see it all in the video.
00:20:17,607 --> 00:20:19,696
The baby got ahold of some bedsheets.
00:20:19,827 --> 00:20:21,179
There's a couple minutes
missing from the ultrasound,
00:20:21,263 --> 00:20:23,138
but it's definitely a suicide.
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:24,922
You gotta be kidding me!
00:20:25,006 --> 00:20:26,793
The baby hung itself?
00:20:26,877 --> 00:20:30,316
Boss! Boss! It's a miracle!
00:20:30,446 --> 00:20:31,926
But does that mean
00:20:32,056 --> 00:20:35,280
there's not gonna be a crap-out?
00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:38,541
This is a Fox News special alert.
00:20:38,672 --> 00:20:41,327
Fox News has just received confirmation
00:20:41,414 --> 00:20:44,289
that the unborn child
of Satan and President Trump
00:20:44,373 --> 00:20:46,639
has decided to take the easy way out
00:20:46,723 --> 00:20:48,377
and end its own life.
00:20:48,508 --> 00:20:50,608
Definitely an unfortunate turn of events.
00:20:50,684 --> 00:20:53,037
Fox News has analyzed the ultrasound.
00:20:53,121 --> 00:20:56,083
You can see the baby probably
considering suicide right here
00:20:56,167 --> 00:20:57,650
and then--
A little bit missing--
00:20:57,734 --> 00:20:59,086
And it killed itself.
00:20:59,170 --> 00:21:00,998
Obvious confirmation of suicide.
00:21:01,129 --> 00:21:02,783
You can see a little chair there.
00:21:02,913 --> 00:21:05,133
Just what babies do sometimes.
00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:08,136
That's right, and if you or someone you know
00:21:08,223 --> 00:21:10,750
is a fetus contemplating suicide,
00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:14,360
we urge you to call Fox News
as much as you possibly can.
00:21:14,447 --> 00:21:16,495
In the meantime, all our thoughts and prayers
00:21:16,579 --> 00:21:18,364
are with the president tonight,
00:21:18,451 --> 00:21:20,804
Who will be holding a funeral
for his unborn child
00:21:20,888 --> 00:21:22,803
at the White House.
00:21:34,815 --> 00:21:36,341
Hey, Merry Christmas!
00:21:36,425 --> 00:21:38,732
Did you hear the news?
The baby's dead!
00:21:38,819 --> 00:21:41,343
Yes, Mr. President, we are so sorry.
00:21:41,474 --> 00:21:43,519
Happy holidays!
The baby's dead!
00:21:43,606 --> 00:21:45,698
Are you OK, sir?
00:21:45,782 --> 00:21:50,483
Yeah, it's really hard!
Here, have a cigar!
00:21:50,613 --> 00:21:52,618
Hey, Pam! Merry Christmas!
The baby's dead!
00:21:52,702 --> 00:21:54,965
You're so strong,
Mr. President.
00:21:55,052 --> 00:21:57,057
And you're taking it really well.
00:21:57,141 --> 00:21:59,753
Hey! Thanks, Pam!
00:22:50,456 --> 00:22:55,072
I win! I win! I win again!
00:23:09,823 --> 00:23:12,695
Christmas letters from home.
Here you go.
00:23:12,826 --> 00:23:14,776
Some Christmas joy from your loved ones.
00:23:14,828 --> 00:23:16,528
There you go.
00:23:16,612 --> 00:23:18,353
Hey, there's one for you today.
00:23:27,928 --> 00:23:30,368
Dear Stan,
I'm writing this
00:23:30,452 --> 00:23:32,933
because I owe you an apology
00:23:33,063 --> 00:23:35,544
and a thank you.
00:23:35,675 --> 00:23:38,286
You asked for a Christmas miracle,
00:23:38,417 --> 00:23:40,462
and I didn't listen.
00:23:40,593 --> 00:23:42,725
So now, go to this address.
00:23:42,856 --> 00:23:44,031
No way.
00:24:16,846 --> 00:24:19,066
Thank you.
Thank you!
00:24:21,285 --> 00:24:24,944
I'll be here, Stan, watching over everybody.
00:24:25,028 --> 00:24:26,468
Be good.
00:24:26,552 --> 00:24:28,818
And remember, never give up on the things
00:24:28,902 --> 00:24:30,338
that you commit to.
00:24:30,469 --> 00:24:32,340
He's so great, isn't he?
00:24:32,471 --> 00:24:34,603
Merry Christmas, everyone!
00:24:34,734 --> 00:24:37,479
Let's all have the happiest holidays!
00:24:37,563 --> 00:24:40,609
♪ A Christian Woman knows her place ♪
00:24:40,740 --> 00:24:43,528
♪ So go ahead and punch me in the face ♪
00:24:43,612 --> 00:24:46,879
♪ 'Cause I deserve it,
I was wrong ♪
00:24:46,963 --> 00:24:49,708
♪ That's why I wrote this holiday song ♪
00:24:49,792 --> 00:24:52,795
♪ With my big fake tits and my Botox lips ♪
00:24:52,882 --> 00:24:56,625
♪ Saying Merry Christmas,
Jesus Christ ♪
00:24:56,756 --> 00:24:59,193
Come on, seniors, sing along!
00:24:59,323 --> 00:25:02,413
♪ A Christian woman knows her place ♪
00:25:02,544 --> 00:25:05,155
♪ So go ahead and punch me in the face ♪
00:25:05,242 --> 00:25:08,637
♪ 'Cause I deserve it,
I was wrong ♪
00:25:08,768 --> 00:25:11,338
♪ That's why I wrote this holiday song ♪
00:25:11,422 --> 00:25:14,777
♪ With my big fake tits and my Botox lips ♪
00:25:14,861 --> 00:25:18,212
♪ To say merry Christmas,
Jesus Christ ♪
00:25:18,342 --> 00:25:20,870
♪ A Christian woman knows her place ♪
00:25:20,954 --> 00:25:24,174
♪ So go ahead and punch me in the face ♪
00:25:24,261 --> 00:25:25,959
♪ 'Cause I deserve it ♪
eng__SDH.srt
eng__SDH.srt
00:00:09,270 --> 00:00:10,404
♪ I'm goin' down
to South Park ♪
00:00:10,488 --> 00:00:12,363
♪ Gonna have myself a time
00:00:12,447 --> 00:00:13,947
♪ Friendly faces
everywhere ♪
00:00:13,970 --> 00:00:15,754
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
00:00:15,885 --> 00:00:17,020
♪ I'm goin' down
to South Park ♪
00:00:17,104 --> 00:00:18,847
♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:18,931 --> 00:00:20,672
♪ Ample parking day
or night ♪
00:00:20,759 --> 00:00:22,460
♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor" ♪
00:00:22,544 --> 00:00:23,678
♪ I'm headin' on down
to South Park ♪
00:00:23,762 --> 00:00:25,808
♪ Gonna see
if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:25,895 --> 00:00:29,032
♪ [Mumbling] ♪
00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:30,250
♪ Come on down
to South Park ♪
00:00:30,334 --> 00:00:32,119
♪ And meet some friends
of mine ♪
00:00:34,773 --> 00:00:37,124
[Festive music]
00:00:37,211 --> 00:00:38,824
STAN: The past few months
have just been...
00:00:38,908 --> 00:00:41,302
Really awful.
00:00:41,432 --> 00:00:42,955
There were these ICE raids
00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:46,092
and my dad's company
went out of business.
00:00:46,176 --> 00:00:47,833
Then we lost our house
and had to move
00:00:47,917 --> 00:00:51,094
into the old folks home
with my grandpa.
00:00:51,225 --> 00:00:52,794
It's like
everything keeps changing
00:00:52,878 --> 00:00:55,446
and I really don't know
how to cope with it.
00:00:57,492 --> 00:00:59,062
Uh-huh.
00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:00,933
And how exactly do you feel
like shit has changed, bro?
00:01:01,017 --> 00:01:02,627
[Guitar chords]
00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:07,023
Well, Jesus,
It just seems like
00:01:07,154 --> 00:01:08,723
people aren't really
as kind and giving
00:01:08,807 --> 00:01:10,334
as they used to be, you know?
00:01:10,418 --> 00:01:12,162
Like, I just got some money
from Saudi Arabia
00:01:12,246 --> 00:01:13,641
and I'm thinking of sharing it.
00:01:13,725 --> 00:01:16,475
'Cause I feel like that's what
everyone needs right now.
00:01:16,511 --> 00:01:19,905
Like, a big Christmas miracle?
00:01:22,256 --> 00:01:24,435
Sounds like some socialist
bullshit to me, bro.
00:01:24,519 --> 00:01:25,781
[Guitar chords]
00:01:25,911 --> 00:01:27,090
Jesus, I don't wanna live
00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:28,656
in an old folks home anymore,
OK?
00:01:28,740 --> 00:01:30,267
Now, I don't know what's
made you change like this,
00:01:30,351 --> 00:01:33,444
but we need some
God damn Christmas magic!
00:01:33,528 --> 00:01:36,708
Hey, baby, I brought us
some Pinot Grigio!
00:01:36,792 --> 00:01:38,742
What took you so long?
[Guitar chords]
00:01:38,750 --> 00:01:41,536
- Don't be mad--
- I was out
doing my charity work!
00:01:41,623 --> 00:01:42,888
I'm a Christian,
00:01:42,972 --> 00:01:44,800
so I sing to people in need!
[Snorts]
00:01:44,930 --> 00:01:47,281
Just shut up
and pour me that shit.
00:01:47,411 --> 00:01:49,025
You wanna make
your life better, Stan?
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,722
Join the frickin' club!
00:01:50,806 --> 00:01:53,246
This is the time of year we all
wish things were better.
00:01:53,330 --> 00:01:55,683
But trust me,
nothing miraculous
00:01:55,767 --> 00:01:58,640
is gonna happen to anyone.
00:01:58,770 --> 00:02:01,643
[Festive music]
00:02:04,602 --> 00:02:06,346
♪ The crib is decorated
00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:08,392
♪ And the nursery's
all planned ♪
00:02:08,476 --> 00:02:12,393
♪ I put holly on the diapers
With all the love I can ♪
00:02:12,523 --> 00:02:14,351
♪ Tiny dreams in tinsel glow ♪
00:02:14,438 --> 00:02:16,223
♪ What's more special than ♪
00:02:16,353 --> 00:02:20,662
♪ A new baby at Christmastime ♪
00:02:20,792 --> 00:02:23,360
Only days remain
until America meets
00:02:23,447 --> 00:02:25,800
President Trump's demon spawn.
00:02:25,884 --> 00:02:29,279
How Satan will give birth to
the butt baby is still unclear,
00:02:29,410 --> 00:02:32,764
but everyone knows
the crap-out is coming.
00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:34,589
♪ Don the wipes
and mistletoe ♪
00:02:34,676 --> 00:02:36,460
♪ There's so much to be done ♪
00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:40,464
♪ We'll drink eggnog and cocoa
when labor has begun ♪
00:02:40,551 --> 00:02:44,381
♪ So many reasons to be glad,
and I'll be having one ♪
00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:48,432
♪ A new baby at Christmastime ♪
00:02:48,516 --> 00:02:52,218
♪ I will love the baby
and so will its dad ♪
00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:55,787
♪ We will be so...
Wait a minute.
00:02:55,871 --> 00:02:58,003
Where the hell is he?
00:02:58,134 --> 00:02:59,483
Donald?
00:02:59,614 --> 00:03:01,616
Donald!
00:03:01,703 --> 00:03:03,183
Where is Donald?
00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:04,535
Oh, sorry, Satan.
00:03:04,619 --> 00:03:05,927
The President had to fly
to Colorado
00:03:06,011 --> 00:03:07,491
on an urgent matter.
00:03:07,578 --> 00:03:11,060
An urgent matter?
Are you serious right now?
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,457
I told him this was the day
00:03:13,541 --> 00:03:16,242
we were going to sing songs
and decorate the nursery!
00:03:16,326 --> 00:03:18,418
What is he doing
that's more urgent than that?
00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:21,029
Sorry, it's all high-level
classified stuff.
00:03:21,113 --> 00:03:22,988
Even we don't have clearance
to know what he's doing.
00:03:23,072 --> 00:03:26,818
He is such a piece a shit!
00:03:26,902 --> 00:03:30,256
He does this to me
all the time!
00:03:30,340 --> 00:03:34,953
I'm about to have this baby,
and he's out fucking around!
00:03:37,608 --> 00:03:38,870
Hormones, huh?
00:03:38,957 --> 00:03:41,090
It is strange
that the President hasn't
00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:43,574
even informed me
why he's going to Colorado.
00:03:43,658 --> 00:03:45,619
Well, the President said
it's top secret
00:03:45,703 --> 00:03:47,923
and only he and
the vice president can know.
00:03:48,053 --> 00:03:50,621
Whatever they're doing...
00:03:50,752 --> 00:03:55,235
Must be part of an extremely
covert military operation.
00:03:55,322 --> 00:03:59,456
[Bells ringing]
00:03:59,543 --> 00:04:01,418
Merry Christmas!
00:04:01,502 --> 00:04:04,156
Relax, guy!
00:04:04,287 --> 00:04:07,899
Hey-hey-hey!
Relax, guy!
00:04:07,986 --> 00:04:10,862
OK, Boss, this is the place.
00:04:10,946 --> 00:04:13,256
That is the police station
over there.
00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:15,690
That's where they are keeping
Peter Thiel.
00:04:15,777 --> 00:04:17,996
All right,
we just gotta keep it quiet.
00:04:18,127 --> 00:04:20,738
Nobody can know
I want to kill this baby--ope!
00:04:20,869 --> 00:04:23,263
Merry Christmas!
Hey-hey-hey!
00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:24,655
Relax!
00:04:27,528 --> 00:04:29,228
Are you sure this
Peter Thiel can do it?
00:04:29,312 --> 00:04:30,705
Yes, Boss.
00:04:30,792 --> 00:04:32,884
But we must find a way
to break him out
00:04:32,968 --> 00:04:34,277
of that police-
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:36,276
Happy holidays!
00:04:36,363 --> 00:04:38,452
Hey-hey-hey!
00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:41,632
Oh, I'm sorry, I don't have
any spare change, mkay?
00:04:41,716 --> 00:04:43,500
The government cut
school funding
00:04:43,587 --> 00:04:45,546
so I lost my job.
00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:47,246
Then, you know,
everything costs more
00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:50,377
with all the tariffs,
and my health care got cut,
00:04:50,464 --> 00:04:54,163
so I'm just struggling
like a lot of Americans are.
00:04:56,731 --> 00:04:59,081
All right,
well, Merry Christmas!
00:04:59,168 --> 00:05:01,736
[Bells ringing]
00:05:01,823 --> 00:05:03,346
We better hurry, Boss.
00:05:03,477 --> 00:05:04,826
The town might be onto us,
00:05:04,956 --> 00:05:07,002
and the crap-out could be
any minute now.
00:05:07,132 --> 00:05:08,882
OK, let's synchronize
our watches.
00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:12,706
It's time to complete
Operation Kill My Own Baby!
00:05:12,790 --> 00:05:19,057
♪ I'll be home
for Christmas ♪
00:05:19,188 --> 00:05:25,499
♪ If only in my dreams,
my dreams, my holiday dreams ♪
00:05:25,629 --> 00:05:28,113
Hello, seniors,
I'm Peggy Rockbottom
00:05:28,197 --> 00:05:30,460
here to spread
a little holiday cheer.
00:05:30,591 --> 00:05:33,811
You know, sometimes we forget
the reason for the season.
00:05:33,942 --> 00:05:36,074
But there's only one man
in my life,
00:05:36,205 --> 00:05:37,688
and that man is Jesus Christ.
00:05:37,772 --> 00:05:39,298
And I wrote this song for him.
00:05:39,382 --> 00:05:41,515
[Jaunty music]
00:05:41,645 --> 00:05:44,518
♪ A Christian woman knows
her place ♪
00:05:44,648 --> 00:05:47,393
♪ So go ahead
and punch me in the face ♪
00:05:47,477 --> 00:05:51,002
♪ 'Cause I deserve it,
I was wrong ♪
00:05:51,089 --> 00:05:53,875
♪ That's why I wrote
this holiday song ♪
00:05:54,005 --> 00:05:56,707
♪ With my big fake tits
and my Botox lips ♪
00:05:56,791 --> 00:06:00,577
♪ Saying merry Christmas,
Jesus Christ ♪
00:06:00,664 --> 00:06:03,319
Come on, seniors, sing along!
00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:06,540
♪ A Christian woman knows
her place ♪
00:06:06,670 --> 00:06:09,281
ALL: ♪ So go ahead
and punch me in the face ♪
00:06:09,412 --> 00:06:12,459
♪ 'Cause I deserve it,
I was wrong ♪
00:06:12,589 --> 00:06:15,462
♪ That's why I wrote
this holiday song ♪
00:06:15,549 --> 00:06:18,682
♪ With my big fake tits
and my Botox lips ♪
00:06:18,769 --> 00:06:23,034
♪ To say merry Christmas,
Jesus Christ ♪
00:06:33,828 --> 00:06:36,570
I don't know
if you can hear me,
00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:39,660
but I've been kind of wishing
for a Christmas miracle.
00:06:42,837 --> 00:06:45,622
If miracles can
still even happen,
00:06:45,709 --> 00:06:48,756
please, make it happen now.
00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:06,295
ALL: Yay!
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,605
Look, guys, it's Stanny!
00:07:08,689 --> 00:07:10,781
ALL: Stanny!
00:07:10,865 --> 00:07:12,260
Oh, no!
00:07:12,344 --> 00:07:15,565
- Did you miss us, Stan?
- Oh, no!
00:07:20,135 --> 00:07:23,010
That son of a bitch.
00:07:23,094 --> 00:07:27,316
I could give birth any minute.
00:07:27,403 --> 00:07:29,579
"Oh, hey, Satan,
you about to go into labor?
00:07:29,710 --> 00:07:31,367
"OK, how about
you go do everything,
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:32,974
and I'll do nothing?"
00:07:33,061 --> 00:07:36,194
Oh, yeah, great idea, Donald!
Just like you always do.
00:07:36,325 --> 00:07:41,072
Ugh.
God, he is so disgusting.
00:07:41,156 --> 00:07:43,550
Ugh, he's such a pig!
00:07:48,076 --> 00:07:50,473
A blue jock strap?
00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:53,432
He doesn't wear
a blue jock strap.
00:07:53,516 --> 00:07:56,127
Who does this belong to?
00:07:56,258 --> 00:07:59,960
TOWELIE: Vance.
00:08:00,044 --> 00:08:04,835
It's Vance.
00:08:04,919 --> 00:08:08,357
They're together.
00:08:08,444 --> 00:08:11,229
What are you talking about?
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:16,321
They just wanna
kill the baby.
00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:17,758
What?
00:08:17,888 --> 00:08:23,633
The President... Vance...
So much sex.
00:08:23,764 --> 00:08:25,203
I can't understand you
'cause you're covered
00:08:25,287 --> 00:08:26,506
in dried-up milk!
00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:29,291
It's not milk.
00:08:29,378 --> 00:08:31,032
Eww!
00:08:38,169 --> 00:08:41,564
Oh!
[Coughing]
00:08:41,695 --> 00:08:44,785
Oh, thank God! Oh, thank God!
00:08:44,915 --> 00:08:47,439
Tell me everything you know!
00:08:47,570 --> 00:08:50,834
I will, but first...
Please...
00:08:50,965 --> 00:08:55,622
I need to get...
Just a little high.
00:08:58,842 --> 00:09:00,191
Go away!
00:09:00,278 --> 00:09:02,411
[Critters clamoring]
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:03,633
What do you guys want?
00:09:03,717 --> 00:09:05,548
Well, didn't you hear, Stan?
00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:07,851
Satan's gonna give birth
to the antichrist!
00:09:07,982 --> 00:09:10,161
Yeah,
he's gonna have a butt baby
00:09:10,245 --> 00:09:12,987
and there's gonna be
a big crap-out!
00:09:13,074 --> 00:09:15,174
And nobody loves a crap-out
more than us!
00:09:15,293 --> 00:09:17,168
[All cheering]
00:09:17,252 --> 00:09:18,343
Wait a minute,
wait, wait, wait.
00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:19,827
This doesn't make any sense!
00:09:19,863 --> 00:09:21,128
You guys are just something
that Cartman made up
00:09:21,212 --> 00:09:23,258
in his head!
00:09:23,388 --> 00:09:26,304
Aww, are you really gonna
overanalyze a crap-out?
00:09:26,435 --> 00:09:28,527
No way!
Crap-outs have no rules!
00:09:28,611 --> 00:09:30,181
ALL: Yay!
00:09:30,265 --> 00:09:32,702
All right, y'all,
Stan wished us here
00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:35,578
to help the Prince of Darkness,
so we gotta do what he says.
00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:37,362
I didn't wish for that!
00:09:37,446 --> 00:09:39,233
I didn't know anything
about Satan having a baby
00:09:39,317 --> 00:09:40,754
or crap-outs.
00:09:40,884 --> 00:09:42,846
But you asked
for a Christmas miracle, Stan!
00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:45,628
And this crap-out's gonna
make everything better!
00:09:45,759 --> 00:09:48,892
It is? Are you sure?
00:09:49,023 --> 00:09:51,460
Of course!
Crap-outs are the best!
00:09:51,547 --> 00:09:53,509
Come on!
Let's get to it!
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:56,683
ALL: Yay!
00:09:56,813 --> 00:09:59,297
[Inhaling]
00:09:59,381 --> 00:10:01,560
Oh, it's been so long.
00:10:01,644 --> 00:10:03,254
[Exhales]
00:10:03,341 --> 00:10:05,390
So then Vice President Vance,
00:10:05,474 --> 00:10:07,131
he doesn't want you
to have the baby, right?
00:10:07,215 --> 00:10:09,347
'Cause he thinks
your baby is gonna hurt
00:10:09,478 --> 00:10:12,092
his chances
of becoming president.
00:10:12,176 --> 00:10:15,789
So he convinces Trump to try
to get rid of the baby himself,
00:10:15,919 --> 00:10:20,358
but every time he tries,
he gets blocked by the FCC.
00:10:20,489 --> 00:10:24,061
If he didn't want the baby,
why didn't he tell me?
00:10:24,145 --> 00:10:26,280
They couldn't let anyone know
they wanted to get rid
00:10:26,364 --> 00:10:29,411
of the baby because, you know,
Republicans, abortions--
00:10:29,498 --> 00:10:30,891
It's a bad look.
00:10:31,021 --> 00:10:32,370
[Growls]
00:10:32,501 --> 00:10:33,984
So then Vance gets this guy
Peter Thiel
00:10:34,068 --> 00:10:36,421
to get rid of the baby,
and Thiel's about to come do it
00:10:36,505 --> 00:10:38,105
when Pam Bondi
suddenly finds out
00:10:38,159 --> 00:10:39,769
there's a plot
to kill the baby.
00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:43,947
So crazy, man.
You can't write this shit.
00:10:44,078 --> 00:10:45,819
What did I ever see in him?
00:10:45,949 --> 00:10:48,041
So then The President,
he's pissed off at Vance.
00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:50,435
He says, you've been
lying to me, but Vance says,
00:10:50,519 --> 00:10:51,784
I was just trying
to protect you,
00:10:51,868 --> 00:10:53,368
and then they start having sex
00:10:53,391 --> 00:10:54,613
over and over
and over and ove--
00:10:54,697 --> 00:10:57,569
Enough!
00:10:57,700 --> 00:11:01,182
The president hath deceived me.
00:11:01,312 --> 00:11:04,014
He hath deceived us all.
00:11:04,098 --> 00:11:07,188
And I shall make him pay.
00:11:09,756 --> 00:11:12,628
Oh, hell yeah, man.
Let's go get that motherfucker.
00:11:16,632 --> 00:11:17,897
♪ What a special time,
it's a special day ♪
00:11:17,981 --> 00:11:19,377
♪ It's a Woodland Critter
Christmas ♪
00:11:19,461 --> 00:11:20,897
Crap-out!
00:11:26,642 --> 00:11:28,734
Hey! Merry Christmas!
00:11:28,818 --> 00:11:33,214
- Merry Christmas!
- Happy Holidays! Relax, guy!
00:11:33,344 --> 00:11:35,825
Hello, we're with
the Salvation Army!
00:11:35,956 --> 00:11:37,906
We brought some food
for your prisoners!
00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:44,181
- Food for the prisoners?
- Hey, relax, guy!
00:11:44,312 --> 00:11:46,562
This is the time of year
to give to the needy!
00:11:46,575 --> 00:11:49,125
We brought 'em this cake!
- We don't need your cake!
00:11:49,230 --> 00:11:51,844
The president's gonna come
for us, and he's gonna--oof!
00:11:51,928 --> 00:11:53,582
Well, I guess
there's no harm.
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,108
Mitch, let 'em in.
00:11:55,192 --> 00:11:57,937
Hey, thanks, buddy!
00:11:58,021 --> 00:11:59,722
ALL: ♪ We're headin'
for a crap-out ♪
00:11:59,806 --> 00:12:01,416
♪ Crap-out, crap-out ♪
00:12:01,546 --> 00:12:04,727
♪ We smell a crap-out
comin' soon ♪
00:12:04,811 --> 00:12:07,683
♪ Don't take the hard route
♪ Just get to the crapout
00:12:07,814 --> 00:12:10,730
ALL: ♪ Satan's gonna crap out
his anal womb ♪
00:12:10,817 --> 00:12:12,688
OK, hold on a second.
00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:14,562
You said that Satan
was in Washington, D.C.
00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:16,953
Yeah, he was,
and now he's about to be here!
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,607
But how can you know that?
00:12:18,694 --> 00:12:20,656
Oh, for Pete's sake, Stanny,
will you just get on board
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:21,613
with the crap-out already?
00:12:21,697 --> 00:12:23,180
Don't worry, Stanny.
00:12:23,264 --> 00:12:25,182
Everything has been foretold
and nothing can stop
00:12:25,266 --> 00:12:26,658
the antichrist from coming.
00:12:26,789 --> 00:12:27,967
Except, of course,
for Peter Thiel!
00:12:28,051 --> 00:12:29,270
[Critters jeering]
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:30,793
P-P-P-Peter Thiel!
00:12:30,924 --> 00:12:32,624
Wait, you mean
the six seven guy?
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,928
You know Peter Thiel?
00:12:35,058 --> 00:12:36,889
Yeah, he did a big dumb
assembly at the school.
00:12:36,973 --> 00:12:38,496
He's here?
00:12:38,627 --> 00:12:39,936
What are you gonna do,
Stanny?
00:12:40,020 --> 00:12:41,978
Are you gonna kill him
and eat him?
00:12:42,065 --> 00:12:43,240
All right, look.
00:12:43,371 --> 00:12:44,636
If I'm gonna get
on board with something,
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:46,769
I need it make at least
a little bit of sense.
00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:49,246
Well, OK, Susan Sontag,
we'll make sure
00:12:49,377 --> 00:12:51,205
it all lines up perfectly
for ya.
00:12:51,335 --> 00:12:53,642
ALL: Yay!
00:12:56,645 --> 00:12:58,955
Peter Thiel to Red Dragon.
00:12:59,039 --> 00:13:00,867
Come in, Red Dragon.
00:13:00,997 --> 00:13:03,260
Go ahead, guy.
This is Red Dragon.
00:13:03,391 --> 00:13:05,135
I got the walkie in the cake.
00:13:05,219 --> 00:13:07,137
Awaiting further instructions.
00:13:07,221 --> 00:13:08,483
Excellent.
00:13:08,613 --> 00:13:10,357
Just stand by, and we'll
find a way to get you out
00:13:10,441 --> 00:13:11,834
so you can kill my baby.
00:13:11,965 --> 00:13:13,317
Let's synchronize our watches.
00:13:13,401 --> 00:13:15,536
SATAN: Donald!
00:13:15,620 --> 00:13:17,100
Uh-oh.
00:13:17,231 --> 00:13:21,496
You have lied to me.
00:13:21,626 --> 00:13:25,155
Satan! We were just doing
some charity work!
00:13:25,239 --> 00:13:27,244
Yeah, I don't think so!
00:13:27,328 --> 00:13:32,550
I told Satan every detail
of your expertly-crafted plot.
00:13:32,681 --> 00:13:34,944
Boss, it's your cum rag!
00:13:35,075 --> 00:13:37,950
I stayed with you
while you two are fucking
00:13:38,034 --> 00:13:39,557
behind my back?
00:13:39,688 --> 00:13:42,604
Did Donald tell you
he has genital warts?
00:13:44,475 --> 00:13:47,130
[Laughs]
Hey, relax there, guy.
00:13:47,261 --> 00:13:48,526
Look, there he is!
00:13:48,610 --> 00:13:50,133
It's Satan!
00:13:50,264 --> 00:13:52,965
ALL: Yay!
00:13:53,049 --> 00:13:55,095
Just as
the prophecy foretold!
00:13:55,225 --> 00:13:57,100
Towelie? What's going on?
00:13:57,184 --> 00:14:01,101
What's going on is the most
exquisitely woven tapestry
00:14:01,231 --> 00:14:04,455
of ideas
that you've ever seen, man.
00:14:04,539 --> 00:14:09,242
Your deception is over,
Donald, and so are we.
00:14:09,326 --> 00:14:12,025
This child will be born.
00:14:12,155 --> 00:14:15,115
And for once,
you are going to have to live
00:14:15,245 --> 00:14:18,205
with the consequences
of your actions.
00:14:20,033 --> 00:14:22,862
[Whooshing]
00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:36,658
Keep your hands off
my president, bro.
00:14:38,529 --> 00:14:41,057
Whoa! It's Jesus Christ!
00:14:41,141 --> 00:14:42,667
ALL: Aww!
00:14:42,751 --> 00:14:44,495
This happens to be
a great man
00:14:44,579 --> 00:14:47,019
who's protecting our country
from fags.
00:14:47,103 --> 00:14:49,065
What the hell happened
to Jesus?
00:14:49,149 --> 00:14:51,110
He's all Christian now.
00:14:51,194 --> 00:14:55,938
This man is a con artist,
and I will deal with him!
00:14:56,069 --> 00:14:59,159
Don't think so, bro!
00:14:59,289 --> 00:15:04,033
Yeah! America! Whoo!
[Guitar chords]
00:15:08,037 --> 00:15:11,261
Oh, my God, this just keeps
getting crazier.
00:15:11,345 --> 00:15:14,478
[Groaning]
00:15:17,438 --> 00:15:19,222
What's wrong, Satan?
00:15:19,353 --> 00:15:23,574
It's the baby.
I think it's coming.
00:15:23,661 --> 00:15:26,624
- Oh, wow, y'all, it's time!
- What do we do, Stan?
00:15:26,708 --> 00:15:27,930
I don't know!
00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:29,929
You gotta get him
to a hospital!
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:38,372
Oh, boy! The big crap-out
is almost here!
00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:41,682
I can hardly wait!
Can hardly wait!
00:15:41,766 --> 00:15:43,246
Look, it's the doctor!
00:15:43,377 --> 00:15:44,947
ALL: Yay!
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:46,774
All right,
we're almost ready.
00:15:46,858 --> 00:15:48,385
We just wanna run
a quick ultrasound,
00:15:48,469 --> 00:15:50,213
and we'll get you into the OR.
00:15:50,297 --> 00:15:55,737
Doctor, we must hurry.
There are evil forces at work.
00:15:57,608 --> 00:16:02,094
[Guitar chords]
00:16:02,178 --> 00:16:05,051
All right!
This guy's incredible!
00:16:05,181 --> 00:16:08,144
OK, now set Peter Thiel free!
00:16:08,228 --> 00:16:12,319
[Guitar chords]
00:16:12,449 --> 00:16:15,061
- Mr. President! What happened?
- I don't know!
00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:17,414
I got another Christian dipshit
to help me get what I want!
00:16:17,498 --> 00:16:18,760
Let's go, Christianity!
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,285
Then we can proceed.
00:16:22,416 --> 00:16:23,966
We have very little time
to stop
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,506
the antichrist from coming.
00:16:25,636 --> 00:16:27,467
Boss, just so you know,
00:16:27,551 --> 00:16:30,467
I don't care if my asshole
is filled with genital warts.
00:16:30,598 --> 00:16:31,991
I still love you.
00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:38,258
I can't believe
he turned out to be
00:16:38,388 --> 00:16:40,912
this big of a piece a shit.
00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:44,177
I seriously fall
for the worst guys.
00:16:44,307 --> 00:16:47,745
Now, now, Satan, you need
to save your strength!
00:16:47,876 --> 00:16:50,447
I mean,
I knew he sucked, OK?
00:16:50,531 --> 00:16:53,363
I knew it, but I didn't think
he would go this far.
00:16:53,447 --> 00:16:56,667
I am so stupid.
- No! You're not stupid!
00:16:56,754 --> 00:16:59,847
Stanny,
tell Satan he's not stupid.
00:16:59,931 --> 00:17:02,938
- You're not stupid.
- No, I'm stupid!
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,980
I saw how he treated everyone,
00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:07,246
but I was willing to look
the other way.
00:17:07,330 --> 00:17:11,424
All because I just wanted
my Christmas miracle.
00:17:11,508 --> 00:17:13,510
Your Christmas miracle?
00:17:13,641 --> 00:17:15,556
My little baby.
00:17:15,686 --> 00:17:20,651
The only thing in my life
that could actually be good.
00:17:20,735 --> 00:17:23,912
But now Donald has Jesus
on his side,
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:26,480
and we'll never be free.
00:17:27,829 --> 00:17:29,529
Satan's right.
00:17:29,613 --> 00:17:32,968
If the President has Jesus
on his side, he's unstoppable!
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,705
It's only a matter of time
00:17:34,792 --> 00:17:37,189
before they come here
and ruin everything.
00:17:37,273 --> 00:17:38,883
ALL: Aww!
00:17:39,014 --> 00:17:40,537
Now, don't be down, y'all.
00:17:40,668 --> 00:17:43,630
We have our own secret weapon.
- That's right!
00:17:43,714 --> 00:17:47,327
They might have Jesus,
but we've got Stan!
00:17:47,457 --> 00:17:48,937
ALL: Yay!
00:17:53,768 --> 00:17:55,077
♪ What a special time,
it's a special day ♪
00:17:55,161 --> 00:17:56,513
♪ It's a Woodland Critter
Christmas ♪
00:17:56,597 --> 00:17:58,947
Crap-out! Yeah! Let's go!
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,863
[Dramatic rock music]
00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:09,175
Let's do this!
00:18:09,305 --> 00:18:11,394
Oh, no, here they c-c-c-come!
00:18:13,527 --> 00:18:15,833
What are we gonna do?
00:18:18,358 --> 00:18:20,664
Where is room 6-7?
00:18:22,362 --> 00:18:23,279
Thank you!
00:18:23,363 --> 00:18:27,671
[Guitar wailing]
00:18:27,758 --> 00:18:29,151
[elevator dings]
00:18:29,282 --> 00:18:32,505
[music playing faintly]
00:18:32,589 --> 00:18:35,418
[elevator dings]
00:18:35,549 --> 00:18:38,421
[music builds]
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,220
[Music stops abruptly]
00:18:46,429 --> 00:18:49,174
- Hey, kid! Get out of the way!
- No.
00:18:49,258 --> 00:18:52,008
If you wanna get to Satan,
you'll have to go through us.
00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:53,915
I am fully embracing
this crap-out.
00:18:54,002 --> 00:18:55,789
ALL: Yay!
00:18:55,873 --> 00:18:59,312
Do not listen to these foul
creatures of darkness, child!
00:18:59,442 --> 00:19:01,575
I don't know
who to listen to anymore.
00:19:01,662 --> 00:19:03,536
All I know is,
I might as well help someone
00:19:03,620 --> 00:19:05,100
get their Christmas miracle.
00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:07,885
'Cause nobody's helping me
with mine.
00:19:08,016 --> 00:19:09,977
At least that's what
Christmas used to mean.
00:19:10,061 --> 00:19:11,501
Trying to make things
a little easier
00:19:11,585 --> 00:19:13,135
for someone else who needed it.
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:14,452
I don't know what happened
00:19:14,457 --> 00:19:16,027
to your Spirit of Christmas,
Jesus.
00:19:16,111 --> 00:19:19,941
Let's face it, you gave up,
and now you've hit rock bottom.
00:19:21,421 --> 00:19:24,075
Hey, I didn't hit her, OK?
00:19:24,206 --> 00:19:27,035
I mean, all right, maybe I did!
00:19:27,122 --> 00:19:28,906
But Peggy was asking' for it!
00:19:29,037 --> 00:19:31,782
That's actually not at all
what I was talking about.
00:19:31,866 --> 00:19:34,524
No. You're right.
00:19:34,608 --> 00:19:36,436
You're right, my child.
00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:38,919
I gave up and I lost faith.
00:19:39,003 --> 00:19:40,530
I don't want to do this.
00:19:40,614 --> 00:19:43,573
Hey!
Don't forget I can sue you!
00:19:46,010 --> 00:19:48,622
Then go ahead and sue me.
00:19:48,709 --> 00:19:52,542
I'm not going
to be afraid anymore.
00:19:52,626 --> 00:19:54,018
Excuse me, everyone.
00:19:54,149 --> 00:19:55,762
Sorry--sorry to interrupt,
00:19:55,846 --> 00:19:59,984
but I'm afraid we have
some really bad news.
00:20:00,068 --> 00:20:03,376
- What?
- What? What happened?
00:20:03,506 --> 00:20:05,508
We've looked
at the ultrasound, and...
00:20:05,595 --> 00:20:08,471
It appears that at some point
when nobody was watching,
00:20:08,555 --> 00:20:10,861
the baby hung itself
and took its own life.
00:20:12,820 --> 00:20:15,217
- What?
- What are you talking about?
00:20:15,301 --> 00:20:17,501
I'm afraid you can
see it all in the video.
00:20:17,607 --> 00:20:19,696
The baby got ahold
of some bedsheets.
00:20:19,827 --> 00:20:21,179
There's a couple minutes
missing from the ultrasound,
00:20:21,263 --> 00:20:23,138
but it's definitely a suicide.
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:24,922
You gotta be kidding me!
00:20:25,006 --> 00:20:26,793
The baby hung itself?
00:20:26,877 --> 00:20:30,316
Boss! Boss! It's a miracle!
00:20:30,446 --> 00:20:31,926
But does that mean
00:20:32,056 --> 00:20:35,280
there's not gonna be
a crap-out?
00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:38,541
ANNOUNCER: This is a Fox News
special alert.
00:20:38,672 --> 00:20:41,327
Fox News has just
received confirmation
00:20:41,414 --> 00:20:44,289
that the unborn child
of Satan and President Trump
00:20:44,373 --> 00:20:46,639
has decided to take
the easy way out
00:20:46,723 --> 00:20:48,377
and end its own life.
00:20:48,508 --> 00:20:50,608
Definitely an unfortunate
turn of events.
00:20:50,684 --> 00:20:53,037
Fox News has
analyzed the ultrasound.
00:20:53,121 --> 00:20:56,083
You can see the baby probably
considering suicide right here
00:20:56,167 --> 00:20:57,650
and then--
A little bit missing--
00:20:57,734 --> 00:20:59,086
And it killed itself.
00:20:59,170 --> 00:21:00,998
Obvious confirmation
of suicide.
00:21:01,129 --> 00:21:02,783
You can see
a little chair there.
00:21:02,913 --> 00:21:05,133
Just what babies do sometimes.
00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:08,136
That's right, and if you
or someone you know
00:21:08,223 --> 00:21:10,750
is a fetus
contemplating suicide,
00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:14,360
we urge you to call Fox News
as much as you possibly can.
00:21:14,447 --> 00:21:16,495
In the meantime,
all our thoughts and prayers
00:21:16,579 --> 00:21:18,364
are with the president tonight,
00:21:18,451 --> 00:21:20,804
Who will be holding a funeral
for his unborn child
00:21:20,888 --> 00:21:22,803
at the White House.
00:21:22,933 --> 00:21:25,762
[upbeat festive music]
00:21:34,815 --> 00:21:36,341
Hey, Merry Christmas!
00:21:36,425 --> 00:21:38,732
Did you hear the news?
The baby's dead!
00:21:38,819 --> 00:21:41,343
Yes, Mr. President,
we are so sorry.
00:21:41,474 --> 00:21:43,519
Happy holidays!
The baby's dead!
00:21:43,606 --> 00:21:45,698
Are you OK, sir?
00:21:45,782 --> 00:21:50,483
Yeah, it's really hard!
Here, have a cigar!
00:21:50,613 --> 00:21:52,618
Hey, Pam! Merry Christmas!
The baby's dead!
00:21:52,702 --> 00:21:54,965
PAM: You're so strong,
Mr. President.
00:21:55,052 --> 00:21:57,057
And you're taking it
really well.
00:21:57,141 --> 00:21:59,753
Hey! Thanks, Pam!
00:22:01,494 --> 00:22:04,323
[Soft piano music]
00:22:43,884 --> 00:22:46,759
[Upbeat festive music]
00:22:50,456 --> 00:22:55,072
I win! I win! I win again!
00:22:55,156 --> 00:23:02,119
♪
00:23:09,823 --> 00:23:12,695
Christmas letters from home.
Here you go.
00:23:12,826 --> 00:23:14,776
Some Christmas joy
from your loved ones.
00:23:14,828 --> 00:23:16,528
There you go.
00:23:16,612 --> 00:23:18,353
Hey, there's one for you today.
00:23:27,928 --> 00:23:30,368
JESUS: Dear Stan,
I'm writing this
00:23:30,452 --> 00:23:32,933
because I owe you an apology
00:23:33,063 --> 00:23:35,544
and a thank you.
00:23:35,675 --> 00:23:38,286
You asked
for a Christmas miracle,
00:23:38,417 --> 00:23:40,462
and I didn't listen.
00:23:40,593 --> 00:23:42,725
So now, go to this address.
00:23:42,856 --> 00:23:44,031
No way.
00:24:16,846 --> 00:24:19,066
Thank you.
Thank you!
00:24:19,196 --> 00:24:21,155
[Twinkling]
00:24:21,285 --> 00:24:24,944
I'll be here, Stan,
watching over everybody.
00:24:25,028 --> 00:24:26,468
Be good.
00:24:26,552 --> 00:24:28,818
And remember,
never give up on the things
00:24:28,902 --> 00:24:30,338
that you commit to.
00:24:30,469 --> 00:24:32,340
He's so great, isn't he?
00:24:32,471 --> 00:24:34,603
Merry Christmas, everyone!
00:24:34,734 --> 00:24:37,479
Let's all have
the happiest holidays!
00:24:37,563 --> 00:24:40,609
♪ A Christian Woman knows
her place ♪
00:24:40,740 --> 00:24:43,528
BOTH: ♪ So go ahead
and punch me in the face ♪
00:24:43,612 --> 00:24:46,879
♪ 'Cause I deserve it,
I was wrong ♪
00:24:46,963 --> 00:24:49,708
♪ That's why I wrote
this holiday song ♪
00:24:49,792 --> 00:24:52,795
♪ With my big fake tits
and my Botox lips ♪
00:24:52,882 --> 00:24:56,625
♪ Saying Merry Christmas,
Jesus Christ ♪
00:24:56,756 --> 00:24:59,193
PEGGY: Come on, seniors,
sing along!
00:24:59,323 --> 00:25:02,413
♪ A Christian woman knows
her place ♪
00:25:02,544 --> 00:25:05,155
ALL: ♪ So go ahead
and punch me in the face ♪
00:25:05,242 --> 00:25:08,637
♪ 'Cause I deserve it,
I was wrong ♪
00:25:08,768 --> 00:25:11,338
♪ That's why I wrote
this holiday song ♪
00:25:11,422 --> 00:25:14,777
♪ With my big fake tits
and my Botox lips ♪
00:25:14,861 --> 00:25:18,212
♪ To say merry Christmas,
Jesus Christ ♪
00:25:18,342 --> 00:25:20,870
PEGGY: ♪ A Christian woman
knows her place ♪
00:25:20,954 --> 00:25:24,174
ALL: ♪ So go ahead
and punch me in the face ♪
00:25:24,261 --> 00:25:25,959
♪ 'Cause I deserve it ♪
Скриншоты
