Полный отстой — Сатане причитается наказание, Стэн молится, и только рождественское чудо может вовремя избавить Антихриста от беды.

Предыдущая серия S28 E04 Индюшачий забег

Полный отстой

The Crap Out

Сезон: 28Серия: 05

Описание

Сатане причитается наказание, Стэн молится, и только рождественское чудо может вовремя избавить Антихриста от беды.

Субтитры

00:00:01,020 --> 00:00:03,230 ПЕРСОНАЖИ И СОБЫТИЯ ВЫМЫШЛЕНЫ, ХОТЬ И НЕ ВСЕ ГОЛОСА ЗНАМЕНИТОСТЕЙ СЫМИТИРОВАНЫ... ПЛОХО
00:00:03,250 --> 00:00:05,420 В ПРОГРАММЕ СОДЕРЖИТСЯ ГРЯЗНАЯ РУГАНЬ НЕ РЕКОМЕНДУЕТСЯ К ПРОСМОТРУ ВООБЩЕ НИКОМУ
00:00:08,810 --> 00:00:10,110 <i>Соберу я свой рюкзак</i>
00:00:10,210 --> 00:00:12,080 <i>и поеду в Саус Парк.</i>
00:00:12,180 --> 00:00:13,900 <i>Дружелюбный здесь народ,</i>
00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:15,600 <i>благочестие цветёт.</i>
00:00:15,700 --> 00:00:17,060 <i>В Саус парк ты приезжаешь</i>
00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:18,720 <i>и печали забываешь.</i>
00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:20,460 <i>Стоит только выйти в свет,</i>
00:00:20,580 --> 00:00:22,190 <i>все кричат: «Привет, сосед!»</i>
00:00:22,260 --> 00:00:23,640 <i>В Саус Парке не печалься,</i>
00:00:23,750 --> 00:00:25,640 <i>отдыхай и расслабляйся.</i>
00:00:28,690 --> 00:00:30,060 <i>В Саус Парке ждут тебя</i>
00:00:30,110 --> 00:00:31,740 <i>мои верные друзья.</i>
00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:33,000 ЮЖНЫЙ ПАРК
00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:36,980 НАЧАЛЬНАЯ ШКОЛА САУС ПАРКА
00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:46,060 ПСИХОЛОГ
00:00:55,470 --> 00:00:58,370 НЕ БУДЬ ОВЦОЙ, БУДЬ ВОЛКОМ БЫТЬ УВЕРЕННЫМ — БЕЗЗВУЧНО, БЫТЬ ЖЕРТВОЙ — ГРОМКО
00:02:04,510 --> 00:02:12,020 <i>Кроватку нарядил я, и готова детская. Подгузники украшу со всей любовью я.</i>
00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:19,860 <i>Мишура и ёлка, скоро будет торжество — ребёнок в Рождество!</i>
00:02:32,790 --> 00:02:40,140 <i>Салфетки и омела, нужно праздник наводить. Когда начнутся схватки, какао будем пить.</i>
00:02:40,300 --> 00:02:48,130 <i>Столько причин для радости, ведь это волшебство — ребёнок в Рождество!</i>
00:02:48,260 --> 00:02:54,160 <i>Я буду любить его и папа тоже будет. Мы будем очень...</i>
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:58,290 САУС ПАРК
00:03:58,300 --> 00:03:59,530 АРМИЯ СПАСЕНИЯ ЩЕДРОСТЬ — ЭТО ЗАБОТА
00:05:12,930 --> 00:05:18,700 <i>В Рождество я буду дома.</i>
00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:25,260 <i>В своих мечтах, мечтах, праздничных мечтах.</i>
00:05:41,270 --> 00:05:47,270 <i>Христианка знает своё место. Можешь просто взять и по лицу мне врезать. </i>
00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:53,640 <i>Я заслужила, я неправа! Поэтому я песню эту вам принесла. </i>
00:05:53,650 --> 00:06:00,000 <i>У меня вставные сиськи и ботокс в губах, с Рождеством Христовым вас!</i>
00:06:03,150 --> 00:06:06,180 <i>Христианка знает своё место.</i>
00:06:06,230 --> 00:06:09,070 <i>Можешь просто взять и по лицу мне врезать. </i>
00:06:09,170 --> 00:06:15,270 <i>Я заслужила, я неправа! Поэтому я песню эту вам принесла!</i>
00:06:15,330 --> 00:06:21,810 <i>У меня вставные сиськи и ботокс в губах, с Рождеством Христовым вас!</i>
00:08:55,620 --> 00:08:58,710 ДОМ ПРЕСТАРЕЛЫХ «ЦАРСТВО ТЕНЕЙ»
00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:23,650 ПОЛИЦЕЙСКИЙ УЧАСТОК ОКРУГА ПАРК
00:11:57,930 --> 00:12:01,250 <i>Мы идём на высер, высер, высер,</i>
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:04,160 <i>чувствуем, что высер уже грядёт.</i>
00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:07,360 <i>Высер — это самый простой выход,</i>
00:12:07,410 --> 00:12:10,530 <i>высер из анала Сатаны нас ждёт.</i>
00:12:53,650 --> 00:12:56,420 ПОЛИЦЕЙСКИЙ УЧАСТОК ОКРУГА ПАРК
00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:34,050 БОЛЬНИЦА «ВРАТА АДА»
00:16:33,620 --> 00:16:35,700 БОЛЬНИЦА «ВРАТА АДА»
00:17:52,790 --> 00:17:55,830 <i>Особенный и важный день, Рождество зверюшек!</i>
00:17:58,870 --> 00:18:02,930 БОЛЬНИЦА «ВРАТА АДА»
00:21:48,770 --> 00:21:50,240 ЭТО ТРУП!
00:21:59,780 --> 00:22:03,290 МОЁ ПЕРВОЕ РОЖДЕСТВО
00:22:05,390 --> 00:22:08,750 ПЕРВОЕ РОЖДЕСТВО МАЛЫША
00:22:15,150 --> 00:22:18,810 ПЕРВОЕ РОЖДЕСТВО МАЛЫША
00:22:23,190 --> 00:22:24,580 МОЁ ПЕРВОЕ РОЖДЕСТВО
00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:09,510 ДОМ ПРЕСТАРЕЛЫХ «ЦАРСТВО ТЕНЕЙ»
00:23:22,610 --> 00:23:24,150 СТЭНУ ОТ ИИСУСА
00:23:51,260 --> 00:23:55,150 С РОЖДЕСТВОМ, СТЭН
00:24:37,360 --> 00:24:43,240 <i>Христианка знает своё место. Можешь просто взять и по лицу мне врезать. </i>
00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:49,580 <i>Я заслужила, я неправа! Поэтому я песню эту вам принесла! </i>
00:24:49,610 --> 00:24:56,190 <i>У меня вставные сиськи и ботокс в губах, с Рождеством Христовым вас!</i>
00:24:59,250 --> 00:25:05,150 <i>Христианка знает своё место. Можешь просто взять и по лицу мне врезать. </i>
00:25:05,250 --> 00:25:11,370 <i>Я заслужила, я неправа! Поэтому я песню эту вам принесла!</i>
00:25:11,430 --> 00:25:17,910 <i>У меня вставные сиськи и ботокс в губах, с Рождеством Христовым вас!</i>
00:25:17,980 --> 00:25:23,910 <i>Христианка знает своё место. Можешь просто взять и по лицу мне врезать. </i>
00:25:23,980 --> 00:25:25,940 <i>Я заслужила, я неправа... </i>

00:00:01,020 --> 00:00:03,230 ПЕРСОНАЖИ И СОБЫТИЯ ВЫМЫШЛЕНЫ, ХОТЬ И НЕ ВСЕ ГОЛОСА ЗНАМЕНИТОСТЕЙ СЫМИТИРОВАНЫ... ПЛОХО
00:00:03,250 --> 00:00:05,420 В ПРОГРАММЕ СОДЕРЖИТСЯ ГРЯЗНАЯ РУГАНЬ НЕ РЕКОМЕНДУЕТСЯ К ПРОСМОТРУ ВООБЩЕ НИКОМУ
00:00:08,810 --> 00:00:10,110 <i>Соберу я свой рюкзак</i>
00:00:10,210 --> 00:00:12,080 <i>и поеду в Саус Парк.</i>
00:00:12,180 --> 00:00:13,900 <i>Дружелюбный здесь народ,</i>
00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:15,600 <i>благочестие цветёт.</i>
00:00:15,700 --> 00:00:17,060 <i>В Саус парк ты приезжаешь</i>
00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:18,720 <i>и печали забываешь.</i>
00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:20,460 <i>Стоит только выйти в свет,</i>
00:00:20,580 --> 00:00:22,190 <i>все кричат: «Привет, сосед!»</i>
00:00:22,260 --> 00:00:23,640 <i>В Саус Парке не печалься,</i>
00:00:23,750 --> 00:00:25,640 <i>отдыхай и расслабляйся.</i>
00:00:28,690 --> 00:00:30,060 <i>В Саус Парке ждут тебя</i>
00:00:30,110 --> 00:00:31,740 <i>мои верные друзья.</i>
00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:33,000 ЮЖНЫЙ ПАРК
00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:36,980 НАЧАЛЬНАЯ ШКОЛА САУС ПАРКА
00:00:36,990 --> 00:00:40,000 Последние месяцы были... ужасными.
00:00:41,370 --> 00:00:45,100 Рейды МВБ, проблемы папы с работой.
00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:46,060 ПСИХОЛОГ
00:00:46,070 --> 00:00:50,010 Потом потеря дома и переезд в дом престарелых.
00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:54,320 Происходят перемены, и я не могу с ними справиться.
00:00:55,470 --> 00:00:58,370 НЕ БУДЬ ОВЦОЙ, БУДЬ ВОЛКОМ БЫТЬ УВЕРЕННЫМ — БЕЗЗВУЧНО, БЫТЬ ЖЕРТВОЙ — ГРОМКО
00:00:58,380 --> 00:01:01,390 И чё это за перемены такие, бро?
00:01:04,220 --> 00:01:06,860 Ну, Иисус, мне кажется,
00:01:07,060 --> 00:01:10,050 что люди перестали быть добрыми и щедрыми.
00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:12,160 Я получил деньги от Саудовской Аравии
00:01:12,170 --> 00:01:13,740 и поделюсь ими.
00:01:14,070 --> 00:01:16,410 Ведь это то, что сейчас нужно людям.
00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:19,210 Типа ... большое рождественское чудо.
00:01:22,010 --> 00:01:24,850 Какая-то социалистическая дрисня.
00:01:25,740 --> 00:01:28,530 Я больше не хочу жить в доме престарелых.
00:01:28,570 --> 00:01:32,830 Не знаю, что тебя так изменило, но нам нужно праздничное чудо!
00:01:33,490 --> 00:01:36,420 Милый, я принесла нам Пино Гриджио!
00:01:36,740 --> 00:01:38,060 Чё так долго?
00:01:38,490 --> 00:01:41,520 Не злись, я занималась благотворительностью.
00:01:41,990 --> 00:01:44,610 Я христианка и пою нуждающимся.
00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:46,810 Заткнись и налей мне!
00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:49,070 Хочешь улучшить свою жизнь?
00:01:49,140 --> 00:01:50,460 Вступай в сраный клуб!
00:01:50,690 --> 00:01:53,050 Сейчас все хотят, чтобы было лучше.
00:01:53,310 --> 00:01:54,440 Но поверь мне,
00:01:54,530 --> 00:01:58,100 никакого чуда ни с кем не произойдёт.
00:02:04,510 --> 00:02:12,020 <i>Кроватку нарядил я, и готова детская. Подгузники украшу со всей любовью я.</i>
00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:19,860 <i>Мишура и ёлка, скоро будет торжество — ребёнок в Рождество!</i>
00:02:20,730 --> 00:02:25,520 Остались считанные дни до рождения дьявольского отродья президента.
00:02:25,670 --> 00:02:28,980 Как Сатана родит анального ребёнка — неясно,
00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:31,830 но все знают, что высер уже близко.
00:02:32,790 --> 00:02:40,140 <i>Салфетки и омела, нужно праздник наводить. Когда начнутся схватки, какао будем пить.</i>
00:02:40,300 --> 00:02:48,130 <i>Столько причин для радости, ведь это волшебство — ребёнок в Рождество!</i>
00:02:48,260 --> 00:02:54,160 <i>Я буду любить его и папа тоже будет. Мы будем очень...</i>
00:02:54,460 --> 00:02:55,150 Стоп.
00:02:55,740 --> 00:02:57,070 Где его носит?
00:02:58,150 --> 00:02:59,000 Дональд?
00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:00,170 Дональд!
00:03:01,690 --> 00:03:02,700 Где Дональд?
00:03:03,300 --> 00:03:07,120 Прости, Сатана, президенту срочно надо было в Колорадо.
00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:11,100 Что значит «срочно»? Вы серьёзно сейчас?
00:03:11,190 --> 00:03:15,890 Я же сказал, что сегодня мы будем петь песни и украшать детскую!
00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:18,170 Что может быть важнее этого?
00:03:18,540 --> 00:03:22,840 Прости, это секретная информация. Даже мы не знаем, что там.
00:03:23,250 --> 00:03:26,180 Какой же он кусок говна!
00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:29,820 Он постоянно так делает!
00:03:30,170 --> 00:03:34,420 Я скоро начну рожать, а он где-то шляется!
00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:38,690 Гормоны.
00:03:38,940 --> 00:03:43,490 Странно, что президент не сказал даже мне, зачем улетает.
00:03:43,570 --> 00:03:47,740 Он сказал, что об этом могут знать только он и вице-президент.
00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:49,790 Что бы там ни было...
00:03:50,260 --> 00:03:53,730 это часть какой-то секретной военной операции.
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:58,290 САУС ПАРК
00:03:58,300 --> 00:03:59,530 АРМИЯ СПАСЕНИЯ ЩЕДРОСТЬ — ЭТО ЗАБОТА
00:03:59,540 --> 00:04:01,470 Счастливого Рождества!
00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:03,870 Расслабьтесь!
00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:07,380 Расслабься!
00:04:07,910 --> 00:04:10,570 Ладно, босс. Мы на месте.
00:04:10,900 --> 00:04:13,080 Полицейский участок вон там.
00:04:13,380 --> 00:04:15,480 Там они держат Питера Тиля.
00:04:15,980 --> 00:04:17,720 Нужно вести себя тихо.
00:04:17,770 --> 00:04:20,140 Чтоб никто не узнал, что мы хотим убить реб...
00:04:20,830 --> 00:04:24,500 С рождеством! Расслабься!
00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:29,340 Уверен, что Питер Тиль справится?
00:04:29,390 --> 00:04:30,430 Да, босс.
00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:33,680 Но нам нужно вытащить его из полицейского...
00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:36,500 С праздником вас!
00:04:38,340 --> 00:04:41,570 Простите, мелочи нет, пнятнетько?
00:04:41,790 --> 00:04:44,880 Власти урезали бюджет школы и меня уволили.
00:04:45,470 --> 00:04:50,260 С тарифами всё стоит больше, медицинскую страховку отобрали,
00:04:50,340 --> 00:04:53,160 так что я страдаю, как все американцы.
00:04:56,650 --> 00:04:59,020 Ладно, счастливого Рождества!
00:05:01,860 --> 00:05:03,420 Нужно торопиться.
00:05:03,450 --> 00:05:06,970 Горожане могут нас раскрыть, и скоро будет высер.
00:05:06,980 --> 00:05:08,720 Давай сверим часы.
00:05:08,810 --> 00:05:12,100 Это операция «Убить моего ребёнка».
00:05:12,930 --> 00:05:18,700 <i>В Рождество я буду дома.</i>
00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:25,260 <i>В своих мечтах, мечтах, праздничных мечтах.</i>
00:05:25,590 --> 00:05:30,180 Привет, старички, я Пегги Рокботтом. Пришла вас повеселить.
00:05:30,610 --> 00:05:33,660 Иногда мы забываем о причине праздника,
00:05:33,670 --> 00:05:35,930 но в моей жизни всего один мужчина —
00:05:36,100 --> 00:05:37,590 Иисус Христос.
00:05:37,620 --> 00:05:39,370 Я написала ему песню.
00:05:41,270 --> 00:05:47,270 <i>Христианка знает своё место. Можешь просто взять и по лицу мне врезать. </i>
00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:53,640 <i>Я заслужила, я неправа! Поэтому я песню эту вам принесла. </i>
00:05:53,650 --> 00:06:00,000 <i>У меня вставные сиськи и ботокс в губах, с Рождеством Христовым вас!</i>
00:06:00,730 --> 00:06:02,840 Все вместе, старички!
00:06:03,150 --> 00:06:06,180 <i>Христианка знает своё место.</i>
00:06:06,230 --> 00:06:09,070 <i>Можешь просто взять и по лицу мне врезать. </i>
00:06:09,170 --> 00:06:15,270 <i>Я заслужила, я неправа! Поэтому я песню эту вам принесла!</i>
00:06:15,330 --> 00:06:21,810 <i>У меня вставные сиськи и ботокс в губах, с Рождеством Христовым вас!</i>
00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:39,160 Не знаю, слышишь ли ты, но мне нужно рождественское чудо.
00:06:42,570 --> 00:06:44,720 Если это ещё возможно,
00:06:45,620 --> 00:06:48,380 прошу, сотвори чудо.
00:07:04,970 --> 00:07:06,190 Ура!
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:08,720 Смотрите, это Стэнчик!
00:07:08,790 --> 00:07:10,080 Стэнчик!
00:07:10,940 --> 00:07:12,110 О нет!
00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:13,570 Ты скучал по нам?
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:15,580 О нет!
00:07:20,510 --> 00:07:22,750 Этот сукин... сын.
00:07:23,150 --> 00:07:25,390 Я могу родить в любую минуту.
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,340 «О, Сатана, ты рожаешь?
00:07:29,380 --> 00:07:32,420 Ладно, давай ты сделаешь всё, а я ничего».
00:07:32,550 --> 00:07:35,700 «Отличная идея, Дональд! Ты всегда так делаешь!»
00:07:37,330 --> 00:07:39,450 Какой же он мерзкий!
00:07:41,810 --> 00:07:43,410 Он просто свинья!
00:07:47,830 --> 00:07:49,580 Синие стринги?
00:07:50,620 --> 00:07:52,920 Он не носит синие стринги.
00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:54,730 Тогда чьи они?
00:07:54,740 --> 00:07:56,400 ДЖ. В.
00:07:56,410 --> 00:07:58,470 Вэнсааа...
00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:03,870 Это... трусы Вэнса...
00:08:04,980 --> 00:08:07,610 Они... вместе...
00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:10,680 О чём ты говоришь?
00:08:11,630 --> 00:08:15,640 Они хотят... убить ребёнка...
00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:17,310 Что?!
00:08:18,180 --> 00:08:20,850 Президент... Вэнс...
00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:23,390 много... секса...
00:08:23,630 --> 00:08:26,480 Я тебя не понимаю, ты в засохшем молоке!
00:08:26,750 --> 00:08:29,320 Это... не... молоко...
00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:30,900 Фу!
00:08:41,610 --> 00:08:44,660 Боже, спасибо! Спасибо, боже!
00:08:45,060 --> 00:08:47,250 Скажи мне всё, что знаешь!
00:08:47,830 --> 00:08:50,670 Скажу, но сначала... прошу...
00:08:50,740 --> 00:08:55,590 дай мне... немного накуриться.
00:08:55,620 --> 00:08:58,710 ДОМ ПРЕСТАРЕЛЫХ «ЦАРСТВО ТЕНЕЙ»
00:08:58,950 --> 00:09:00,160 Уходите!
00:09:01,430 --> 00:09:02,230 Подождите!
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:03,480 Что вам нужно?
00:09:03,790 --> 00:09:05,310 Ты что, не слышал?
00:09:05,510 --> 00:09:07,690 Сатана родит Антихриста!
00:09:08,010 --> 00:09:12,780 Да, он родит анального ребёнка, будет большой высер!
00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:15,110 Никто так не любит высеры, как мы!
00:09:15,190 --> 00:09:17,090 - Да! - Точно!
00:09:17,150 --> 00:09:19,350 Погодите, это бред какой-то!
00:09:19,550 --> 00:09:21,790 Вы же просто выдумка Картмана!
00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:26,160 Ты правда собираешься анализировать высер?
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:28,500 Да, у высеров нет правил!
00:09:28,660 --> 00:09:29,910 Да!
00:09:30,380 --> 00:09:35,510 Ребята, Стэн призвал нас помочь Князю Тьмы, будем его слушаться.
00:09:35,790 --> 00:09:37,100 Я вас не призывал!
00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:40,160 Я вообще не в курсе ни про Сатану, ни про высеры!
00:09:40,310 --> 00:09:42,600 Но ты просил рождественское чудо!
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:45,560 А после высера всё станет лучше!
00:09:46,250 --> 00:09:48,570 Правда? Уверен?
00:09:49,170 --> 00:09:51,420 Конечно! Высеры рулят!
00:09:51,560 --> 00:09:53,210 Давайте приступать!
00:09:53,460 --> 00:09:54,890 Да!
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:01,470 О, наконец-то.
00:10:03,310 --> 00:10:06,940 В общем вице-президент Вэнс против вашего ребёнка.
00:10:06,950 --> 00:10:11,680 Ведь он думает, что ребёнок помешает ему стать президентом.
00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:15,530 Он убеждает Трампа избавиться от ребёнка,
00:10:15,540 --> 00:10:19,380 но Федеральная комиссия по связи ему мешает.
00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:23,620 Почему он не сказал мне, что не хочет ребёнка?
00:10:24,030 --> 00:10:29,490 Нельзя, чтобы кто-то знал об этом. Республиканцы, аборты, вся эта хрень...
00:10:29,670 --> 00:10:30,850 Подрыв репутации.
00:10:32,150 --> 00:10:36,690 Короче, Вэнс нанял Питера Тиля, чтоб он избавился от ребёнка,
00:10:36,700 --> 00:10:39,390 но Пэм Бонди узнала об этих планах.
00:10:39,560 --> 00:10:42,400 Чувак, такое нереально выдумать.
00:10:43,950 --> 00:10:45,630 И что я в нём нашёл?
00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:48,610 Потом президент разозлился на Вэнса, сказал:
00:10:48,620 --> 00:10:51,660 «Ты врёшь!», а он такой «Я вас защищал!»,
00:10:51,670 --> 00:10:54,810 а потом они начали трахаться снова, и снова, и...
00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:55,920 Хватит!
00:10:57,690 --> 00:11:00,220 Президент меня обманул.
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,700 Он обманул всех нас.
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:07,140 И я заставлю его заплатить.
00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:10,560 Да, мужик.
00:11:10,590 --> 00:11:12,620 Этому мудаку конец!
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:18,660 <i>Особенный и важный день, Рождество зверюшек!</i>
00:11:19,380 --> 00:11:20,410 Высер!
00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:23,650 ПОЛИЦЕЙСКИЙ УЧАСТОК ОКРУГА ПАРК
00:11:26,690 --> 00:11:28,580 Привет! С Рождеством!
00:11:28,650 --> 00:11:30,380 Счастливого Рождества!
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:33,040 Весёлых праздников, расслабься!
00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:37,420 Привет, мы из Армии спасения, принесли еду заключённым!
00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:42,420 Еду заключённым?
00:11:42,550 --> 00:11:44,060 Да расслабься ты!
00:11:44,070 --> 00:11:46,100 Мы должны помогать нуждающимся!
00:11:46,430 --> 00:11:47,500 Мы принесли торт!
00:11:47,680 --> 00:11:48,890 Нам не нужен торт!
00:11:48,990 --> 00:11:51,430 Президент придёт за нами и...
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,490 Ну, это не навредит.
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:55,020 Митч, впусти их.
00:11:55,190 --> 00:11:57,420 Спасибо, дружище!
00:11:57,930 --> 00:12:01,250 <i>Мы идём на высер, высер, высер,</i>
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:04,160 <i>чувствуем, что высер уже грядёт.</i>
00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:07,360 <i>Высер — это самый простой выход,</i>
00:12:07,410 --> 00:12:10,530 <i>высер из анала Сатаны нас ждёт.</i>
00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:12,150 Так, подождите.
00:12:12,460 --> 00:12:14,310 Вы сказали, Сатана в Вашингтоне.
00:12:14,710 --> 00:12:16,810 Он был там, но скоро будет здесь!
00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:18,270 Откуда вам знать?
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:21,500 О, Пита ради, смирись с этим высером.
00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:22,950 Не бойся, Стэнчик.
00:12:22,970 --> 00:12:26,450 Всё уже предсказано, и Антихриста никто не остановит.
00:12:26,610 --> 00:12:27,910 Кроме Питера Тиля.
00:12:29,270 --> 00:12:30,630 П-п-питер Тиль!
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:32,540 Того чувака с «шесть и семь»?
00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:34,670 Ты знаешь Питера Тиля?
00:12:34,910 --> 00:12:36,830 Он проводил в школе тупое собрание.
00:12:37,070 --> 00:12:38,290 Он здесь?
00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:39,750 Что ты будешь делать?
00:12:39,910 --> 00:12:41,880 Ты убьёшь и съешь его?
00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:43,000 Слушайте,
00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:46,470 я могу смириться только с тем, что хотя бы имеет смысл.
00:12:46,830 --> 00:12:51,550 Ладно, Сьюзен Зонтаг, сделаем, чтоб всё было логично.
00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:52,880 Да!
00:12:53,650 --> 00:12:56,420 ПОЛИЦЕЙСКИЙ УЧАСТОК ОКРУГА ПАРК
00:12:57,090 --> 00:12:58,910 Питер Тиль Красному Дракону.
00:12:59,100 --> 00:13:00,690 Приём, Дракон.
00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:03,110 Говори. Это Красный Дракон.
00:13:03,420 --> 00:13:04,900 Достал рацию из торта.
00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:07,070 Жду дальнейших инструкций.
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:08,010 Отлично.
00:13:08,180 --> 00:13:11,600 Просто жди, мы тебя вытащим, чтоб ты убил ребёнка.
00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:13,420 Давай сверим часы.
00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:15,430 Дональд!
00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:17,000 Ой-ой.
00:13:17,260 --> 00:13:20,250 Ты мне соврал!
00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:22,440 Сатана!
00:13:22,540 --> 00:13:25,050 Мы занимались благотворительностью!
00:13:25,300 --> 00:13:27,110 А я так не думаю!
00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:32,390 Я рассказал Сатане все детали вашего продуманного плана.
00:13:32,570 --> 00:13:34,680 Босс, ваш коврик для кончи!
00:13:35,010 --> 00:13:39,420 Я с тобой встречался, пока вы трахались у меня за спиной?
00:13:39,470 --> 00:13:45,570 Дональд сказал, что у него бородавки на члене?
00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:47,030 Да расслабься!
00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:48,470 Смотрите, вот он!
00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:50,190 Сатана!
00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:51,730 Да!
00:13:53,030 --> 00:13:55,000 Всё как в пророчестве!
00:13:55,230 --> 00:13:57,110 Полотенчик, что происходит?
00:13:57,120 --> 00:14:01,430 Разворачивается самый изысканно сотканный гобелен идей,
00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:04,210 который только можно представить.
00:14:04,550 --> 00:14:08,510 Твоей лжи пришёл конец, Дональд, как и нашим отношениям.
00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:12,080 Я рожу этого ребёнка.
00:14:12,090 --> 00:14:18,140 И тебе наконец-то придётся столкнуться с последствиями своих действий.
00:14:33,980 --> 00:14:36,580 Не тронь моего президента, бро.
00:14:38,380 --> 00:14:41,140 Ого! Иисус Христос!
00:14:42,810 --> 00:14:46,880 Этот великий мужик защищает страну от педиков!
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:49,180 Что случилось с Иисусом?
00:14:49,190 --> 00:14:50,800 Принял христианство.
00:14:51,260 --> 00:14:54,040 Этот человек — обманщик.
00:14:54,130 --> 00:14:55,850 И я с ним разберусь!
00:14:56,060 --> 00:14:57,460 Я так не думаю!
00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:01,180 Да! Америка!
00:15:08,030 --> 00:15:11,200 Боже, всё становится только безумнее.
00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:19,040 В чём дело, Сатана?
00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:23,290 Это... ребёнок. Он выходит.
00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:25,170 Время пришло!
00:15:25,180 --> 00:15:26,590 Что делать, Стэн?
00:15:26,870 --> 00:15:29,380 Не знаю, ему надо в больницу!
00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:34,050 БОЛЬНИЦА «ВРАТА АДА»
00:15:34,820 --> 00:15:38,180 Ребята! Большой высер уже близко!
00:15:38,390 --> 00:15:40,350 Не могу дождаться! Не могу!
00:15:41,850 --> 00:15:43,270 Смотрите, доктор!
00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:44,750 Ура!
00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:46,530 Всё почти готово.
00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:49,940 Сделаем УЗИ и положим вас в операционную.
00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:52,620 Доктор, нужно торопиться.
00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:55,060 Потому что зло не дремлет.
00:16:02,410 --> 00:16:05,160 О да! Крутой мужик!
00:16:05,170 --> 00:16:07,040 Освободи Питера Тиля.
00:16:12,170 --> 00:16:14,050 Мистер президент, что случилось?
00:16:14,190 --> 00:16:17,540 Не знаю. Мне снова помог христианский дебил.
00:16:17,550 --> 00:16:18,720 Вперёд, христианство!
00:16:20,870 --> 00:16:22,250 Можем приступать.
00:16:22,260 --> 00:16:25,400 Нужно остановить Антихриста, времени мало.
00:16:25,630 --> 00:16:27,570 Босс, чтоб вы знали,
00:16:27,580 --> 00:16:30,640 Мне пофиг, что в моей жопе генитальные бородавки.
00:16:30,650 --> 00:16:33,570 Я люблю вас.
00:16:33,620 --> 00:16:35,700 БОЛЬНИЦА «ВРАТА АДА»
00:16:36,090 --> 00:16:40,990 Не могу поверить, что он оказался таким куском дерьма.
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,870 Я выбираю себе худших партнёров.
00:16:44,250 --> 00:16:47,540 Спокойно, Сатана, нужно беречь силы.
00:16:48,100 --> 00:16:50,260 Я знал, что он плохой.
00:16:50,270 --> 00:16:53,350 Но я не думал, что всё зайдёт так далеко.
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:54,630 Я такой тупой!
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:56,590 Нет, ты не тупой!
00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:58,780 Стэнчик, скажи, что он не тупой.
00:16:59,930 --> 00:17:01,180 Ты не тупой.
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:03,000 Нет, я тупой!
00:17:03,010 --> 00:17:07,190 Я видел, как он ко всем относится, но закрывал на это глаза!
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:10,730 Потому что я просто хотел рождественского чуда.
00:17:11,590 --> 00:17:13,400 Рождественское чудо?
00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:15,040 Мой ребёнок.
00:17:15,470 --> 00:17:18,660 Единственное хорошее, что может быть в моей жизни.
00:17:20,650 --> 00:17:23,860 А теперь Иисус на стороне Дональда,
00:17:24,020 --> 00:17:26,460 и мы никогда не будем свободны.
00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:29,290 Сатана прав.
00:17:29,300 --> 00:17:32,940 Если на стороне президента Иисус, его не остановить!
00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:37,300 Они придут и всё разрушат, это лишь вопрос времени.
00:17:39,090 --> 00:17:40,370 Не огорчайтесь.
00:17:40,380 --> 00:17:42,180 У нас тоже есть оружие.
00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:43,380 Точно!
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:47,430 У них есть Иисус, но у нас есть Стэн!
00:17:47,550 --> 00:17:49,050 Да!
00:17:52,790 --> 00:17:55,830 <i>Особенный и важный день, Рождество зверюшек!</i>
00:17:56,470 --> 00:17:58,450 Высер! Да! Вперёд!
00:17:58,870 --> 00:18:02,930 БОЛЬНИЦА «ВРАТА АДА»
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,360 Сделаем это!
00:18:09,530 --> 00:18:11,340 О нет! Они идут!
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:15,760 Что же нам делать?
00:18:18,690 --> 00:18:20,590 Где палата 67?
00:18:22,410 --> 00:18:23,340 Спасибо.
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:47,760 Эй, пацан, свали!
00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:48,520 Нет.
00:18:48,850 --> 00:18:51,630 Нужен Сатана? Только через нас.
00:18:51,850 --> 00:18:54,290 Я полностью принимаю этот высер.
00:18:54,310 --> 00:18:55,380 Да!
00:18:55,610 --> 00:18:59,090 Не слушай эти мерзкие порождения тьмы!
00:18:59,570 --> 00:19:01,530 Я не знаю, кому верить.
00:19:01,540 --> 00:19:04,990 Я просто хочу дать кому-то рождественское чудо.
00:19:05,030 --> 00:19:06,600 Ведь я его не получил.
00:19:07,830 --> 00:19:10,010 Таким было Рождество.
00:19:10,020 --> 00:19:13,090 Все пытались помочь нуждающимся.
00:19:13,100 --> 00:19:15,970 Что стало с твоим духом Рождества, Иисус?
00:19:15,980 --> 00:19:17,050 Ты сдался.
00:19:17,060 --> 00:19:19,360 Сидишь и пинаешь балду.
00:19:21,310 --> 00:19:23,730 Я... не пинал эту балду!
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:25,790 Ну... ладно...
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:27,010 Может, и так!
00:19:27,020 --> 00:19:28,660 Но Пэгги сама просила!
00:19:28,770 --> 00:19:30,790 Я вообще не об этом говорил.
00:19:31,780 --> 00:19:33,560 Нет, ты прав.
00:19:34,580 --> 00:19:35,850 Ты прав, сын мой.
00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:38,500 Я сдался и потерял веру.
00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:40,340 Я не хочу этого.
00:19:40,740 --> 00:19:43,420 Эй! Я могу тебя засудить!
00:19:45,940 --> 00:19:47,660 Так возьми и засуди.
00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:51,170 Я больше не буду бояться.
00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:53,900 Я извиняюсь.
00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:58,030 Простите, что помешал, но... у меня плохие новости.
00:20:00,060 --> 00:20:00,690 Что?
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,450 Что случилось?
00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:05,200 Мы сделали УЗИ, и...
00:20:05,340 --> 00:20:10,540 кажется, что пока никто не видел, ребёнок повесился и покончил с собой.
00:20:12,630 --> 00:20:13,370 Что?!
00:20:13,430 --> 00:20:14,960 Что это значит?
00:20:15,130 --> 00:20:17,310 Боюсь, что вы сами увидите.
00:20:17,490 --> 00:20:19,310 Ребёнок достал простыню.
00:20:19,380 --> 00:20:22,430 Потом пару минут чёрный экран, но это точно суицид.
00:20:23,270 --> 00:20:24,930 Да вы издеваетесь!
00:20:25,050 --> 00:20:26,680 Ребёнок повесился?
00:20:26,790 --> 00:20:30,220 Босс! Босс, это же чудо!
00:20:30,540 --> 00:20:33,720 Это значит, что высера не будет?
00:20:35,610 --> 00:20:38,320 Вы смотрите Fox News, экстренный выпуск.
00:20:38,590 --> 00:20:41,150 Fox News только что сообщили о том,
00:20:41,180 --> 00:20:44,170 что нерождённый ребёнок Сатаны и президента
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:48,110 решил выбрать самый простой путь и убил себя.
00:20:48,390 --> 00:20:50,480 Да, это печальное событие.
00:20:50,510 --> 00:20:52,910 Fox News проанализировали УЗИ.
00:20:53,030 --> 00:20:56,680 Скорее всего, на этих кадрах ребёнок думает о суициде.
00:20:56,690 --> 00:20:58,650 Этой части нет, и дальше он мёртв.
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:02,670 Подтверждённое самоубийство. Есть даже маленький стул.
00:21:02,830 --> 00:21:04,880 Дети иногда так делают.
00:21:05,130 --> 00:21:10,250 Если вы или ваш знакомый зародыш думаете о самоубийстве,
00:21:10,330 --> 00:21:14,100 советуем звонить на Fox News так часто, как сможете.
00:21:14,370 --> 00:21:18,160 Мы все выражаем свои соболезнования президенту,
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:22,000 который проведёт в Белом доме похороны ребёнка.
00:21:34,650 --> 00:21:36,020 Эй, с Рождеством!
00:21:36,070 --> 00:21:38,480 Слышали новости? Ребёнок умер!
00:21:38,580 --> 00:21:41,240 Да, мистер президент, нам очень жаль.
00:21:41,470 --> 00:21:43,730 С праздником! Ребёнок мёртв!
00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:45,600 Вы в порядке, сэр?
00:21:45,660 --> 00:21:47,980 Мне так тяжело! Держите сигару!
00:21:48,770 --> 00:21:50,240 ЭТО ТРУП!
00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:52,600 Пэм, с Рождеством! Ребёнок мёртв!
00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:54,770 Вы такой сильный, мистер президент.
00:21:55,030 --> 00:21:57,000 Вы отлично справляетесь.
00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,060 О, спасибо, Пэм!
00:21:59,780 --> 00:22:03,290 МОЁ ПЕРВОЕ РОЖДЕСТВО
00:22:05,390 --> 00:22:08,750 ПЕРВОЕ РОЖДЕСТВО МАЛЫША
00:22:15,150 --> 00:22:18,810 ПЕРВОЕ РОЖДЕСТВО МАЛЫША
00:22:23,190 --> 00:22:24,580 МОЁ ПЕРВОЕ РОЖДЕСТВО
00:22:50,410 --> 00:22:52,770 Я победил! Я победил!
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:55,150 Я снова победил!
00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:09,510 ДОМ ПРЕСТАРЕЛЫХ «ЦАРСТВО ТЕНЕЙ»
00:23:09,970 --> 00:23:12,490 Письма из дома. Это вам.
00:23:12,590 --> 00:23:14,620 Поздравления от любимых.
00:23:14,690 --> 00:23:15,380 Держите.
00:23:16,610 --> 00:23:18,210 Тебе тоже прислали.
00:23:22,610 --> 00:23:24,150 СТЭНУ ОТ ИИСУСА
00:23:27,830 --> 00:23:30,240 Дорогой Стэн, я пишу,
00:23:30,300 --> 00:23:32,750 потому что должен извиниться.
00:23:33,020 --> 00:23:34,760 И поблагодарить тебя.
00:23:35,540 --> 00:23:37,960 Ты просил рождественское чудо,
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:39,930 но я не послушал.
00:23:40,380 --> 00:23:42,690 Теперь иди на этот адрес.
00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:44,000 Быть не может!
00:23:51,260 --> 00:23:55,150 С РОЖДЕСТВОМ, СТЭН
00:24:16,740 --> 00:24:18,960 Спасибо. Спасибо!
00:24:21,140 --> 00:24:24,520 Я буду рядом. Смотреть за всеми.
00:24:25,140 --> 00:24:26,240 Будь добрым.
00:24:26,360 --> 00:24:30,140 И помни, не бросай то, во что вкладывался.
00:24:30,490 --> 00:24:32,270 Он такой классный, да?
00:24:32,390 --> 00:24:34,410 Всем счастливого Рождества!
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:37,340 Желаю всем хороших праздников!
00:24:37,360 --> 00:24:43,240 <i>Христианка знает своё место. Можешь просто взять и по лицу мне врезать. </i>
00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:49,580 <i>Я заслужила, я неправа! Поэтому я песню эту вам принесла! </i>
00:24:49,610 --> 00:24:56,190 <i>У меня вставные сиськи и ботокс в губах, с Рождеством Христовым вас!</i>
00:24:56,740 --> 00:24:58,640 Все вместе, старички!
00:24:59,250 --> 00:25:05,150 <i>Христианка знает своё место. Можешь просто взять и по лицу мне врезать. </i>
00:25:05,250 --> 00:25:11,370 <i>Я заслужила, я неправа! Поэтому я песню эту вам принесла!</i>
00:25:11,430 --> 00:25:17,910 <i>У меня вставные сиськи и ботокс в губах, с Рождеством Христовым вас!</i>
00:25:17,980 --> 00:25:23,910 <i>Христианка знает своё место. Можешь просто взять и по лицу мне врезать. </i>
00:25:23,980 --> 00:25:25,940 <i>Я заслужила, я неправа... </i>
00:25:25,950 --> 00:25:29,940 Переведено студией HDrezka Studio.

00:00:09,270 --> 00:00:10,404 <i>♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:10,488 --> 00:00:12,363 <i>♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪</i>
00:00:12,447 --> 00:00:13,947 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:13,970 --> 00:00:15,754 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:15,885 --> 00:00:17,020 <i>♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:17,104 --> 00:00:18,847 <i>♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪</i>
00:00:18,931 --> 00:00:20,672 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,759 --> 00:00:22,460 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor" ♪
00:00:22,544 --> 00:00:23,678 <i>♪ I'm headin' on down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:23,762 --> 00:00:25,808 <i>♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪</i>
00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:30,250 <i>♪ Come on down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:30,334 --> 00:00:32,119 <i>♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪</i>
00:00:37,211 --> 00:00:38,824 <i>The past few months have just been...</i>
00:00:38,908 --> 00:00:41,302 <i>Really awful.</i>
00:00:41,432 --> 00:00:42,955 <i>There were these ICE raids</i>
00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:46,092 <i>and my dad's company went out of business.</i>
00:00:46,176 --> 00:00:47,833 <i>Then we lost our house and had to move</i>
00:00:47,917 --> 00:00:51,094 into the old folks home with my grandpa.
00:00:51,225 --> 00:00:52,794 It's like everything keeps changing
00:00:52,878 --> 00:00:55,446 and I really don't know how to cope with it.
00:00:57,492 --> 00:00:59,062 Uh-huh.
00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:00,933 And how exactly do you feel like shit has changed, bro?
00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:07,023 Well, Jesus, It just seems like
00:01:07,154 --> 00:01:08,723 people aren't really as kind and giving
00:01:08,807 --> 00:01:10,334 as they used to be, you know?
00:01:10,418 --> 00:01:12,162 Like, I just got some money from Saudi Arabia
00:01:12,246 --> 00:01:13,641 and I'm thinking of sharing it.
00:01:13,725 --> 00:01:16,475 'Cause I feel like that's what everyone needs right now.
00:01:16,511 --> 00:01:19,905 Like, a big Christmas miracle?
00:01:22,256 --> 00:01:24,435 Sounds like some socialist bullshit to me, bro.
00:01:25,911 --> 00:01:27,090 Jesus, I don't wanna live
00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:28,656 in an old folks home anymore, OK?
00:01:28,740 --> 00:01:30,267 Now, I don't know what's made you change like this,
00:01:30,351 --> 00:01:33,444 but we need some God damn Christmas magic!
00:01:33,528 --> 00:01:36,708 Hey, baby, I brought us some Pinot Grigio!
00:01:36,792 --> 00:01:38,742 What took you so long?
00:01:38,750 --> 00:01:41,536 - Don't be mad-- - I was out doing my charity work!
00:01:41,623 --> 00:01:42,888 I'm a Christian,
00:01:42,972 --> 00:01:44,800 so I sing to people in need!
00:01:44,930 --> 00:01:47,281 Just shut up and pour me that shit.
00:01:47,411 --> 00:01:49,025 You wanna make your life better, Stan?
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,722 Join the frickin' club!
00:01:50,806 --> 00:01:53,246 This is the time of year we all wish things were better.
00:01:53,330 --> 00:01:55,683 But trust me, nothing miraculous
00:01:55,767 --> 00:01:58,640 is gonna happen to anyone.
00:02:04,602 --> 00:02:06,346 ♪ The crib is decorated ♪
00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:08,392 ♪ And the nursery's all planned ♪
00:02:08,476 --> 00:02:12,393 ♪ I put holly on the diapers With all the love I can ♪
00:02:12,523 --> 00:02:14,351 ♪ Tiny dreams in tinsel glow ♪
00:02:14,438 --> 00:02:16,223 ♪ What's more special than ♪
00:02:16,353 --> 00:02:20,662 ♪ A new baby at Christmastime ♪
00:02:20,792 --> 00:02:23,360 <i>Only days remain until America meets</i>
00:02:23,447 --> 00:02:25,800 President Trump's demon spawn.
00:02:25,884 --> 00:02:29,279 How Satan will give birth to the butt baby is still unclear,
00:02:29,410 --> 00:02:32,764 but everyone knows the crap-out is coming.
00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:34,589 ♪ Don the wipes and mistletoe ♪
00:02:34,676 --> 00:02:36,460 ♪ There's so much to be done ♪
00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:40,464 ♪ We'll drink eggnog and cocoa when labor has begun ♪
00:02:40,551 --> 00:02:44,381 ♪ So many reasons to be glad, and I'll be having one ♪
00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:48,432 ♪ A new baby at Christmastime ♪
00:02:48,516 --> 00:02:52,218 ♪ I will love the baby and so will its dad ♪
00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:55,787 ♪ We will be so... Wait a minute. ♪
00:02:55,871 --> 00:02:58,003 Where the hell is he?
00:02:58,134 --> 00:02:59,483 Donald?
00:02:59,614 --> 00:03:01,616 Donald!
00:03:01,703 --> 00:03:03,183 Where is Donald?
00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:04,535 Oh, sorry, Satan.
00:03:04,619 --> 00:03:05,927 The President had to fly to Colorado
00:03:06,011 --> 00:03:07,491 on an urgent matter.
00:03:07,578 --> 00:03:11,060 An urgent matter? Are you serious right now?
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,457 I told him this was the day
00:03:13,541 --> 00:03:16,242 we were going to sing songs and decorate the nursery!
00:03:16,326 --> 00:03:18,418 What is he doing that's more urgent than that?
00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:21,029 Sorry, it's all high-level classified stuff.
00:03:21,113 --> 00:03:22,988 Even we don't have clearance to know what he's doing.
00:03:23,072 --> 00:03:26,818 He is such a piece a shit!
00:03:26,902 --> 00:03:30,256 He does this to me all the time!
00:03:30,340 --> 00:03:34,953 I'm about to have this baby, and he's out fucking around!
00:03:37,608 --> 00:03:38,870 Hormones, huh?
00:03:38,957 --> 00:03:41,090 It is strange that the President hasn't
00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:43,574 even informed me why he's going to Colorado.
00:03:43,658 --> 00:03:45,619 Well, the President said it's top secret
00:03:45,703 --> 00:03:47,923 and only he and the vice president can know.
00:03:48,053 --> 00:03:50,621 Whatever they're doing...
00:03:50,752 --> 00:03:55,235 Must be part of an extremely covert military operation.
00:03:59,543 --> 00:04:01,418 Merry Christmas!
00:04:01,502 --> 00:04:04,156 Relax, guy!
00:04:04,287 --> 00:04:07,899 Hey-hey-hey! Relax, guy!
00:04:07,986 --> 00:04:10,862 OK, Boss, this is the place.
00:04:10,946 --> 00:04:13,256 That is the police station over there.
00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:15,690 That's where they are keeping Peter Thiel.
00:04:15,777 --> 00:04:17,996 All right, we just gotta keep it quiet.
00:04:18,127 --> 00:04:20,738 Nobody can know I want to kill this baby--ope!
00:04:20,869 --> 00:04:23,263 Merry Christmas! Hey-hey-hey!
00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:24,655 Relax!
00:04:27,528 --> 00:04:29,228 Are you sure this Peter Thiel can do it?
00:04:29,312 --> 00:04:30,705 Yes, Boss.
00:04:30,792 --> 00:04:32,884 But we must find a way to break him out
00:04:32,968 --> 00:04:34,277 of that police- Shh, shh, shh, shh.
00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:36,276 Happy holidays!
00:04:36,363 --> 00:04:38,452 Hey-hey-hey!
00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:41,632 Oh, I'm sorry, I don't have any spare change, mkay?
00:04:41,716 --> 00:04:43,500 The government cut school funding
00:04:43,587 --> 00:04:45,546 so I lost my job.
00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:47,246 Then, you know, everything costs more
00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:50,377 with all the tariffs, and my health care got cut,
00:04:50,464 --> 00:04:54,163 so I'm just struggling like a lot of Americans are.
00:04:56,731 --> 00:04:59,081 All right, well, Merry Christmas!
00:05:01,823 --> 00:05:03,346 We better hurry, Boss.
00:05:03,477 --> 00:05:04,826 The town might be onto us,
00:05:04,956 --> 00:05:07,002 and the crap-out could be any minute now.
00:05:07,132 --> 00:05:08,882 OK, let's synchronize our watches.
00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:12,706 It's time to complete Operation Kill My Own Baby!
00:05:12,790 --> 00:05:19,057 ♪ I'll be home for Christmas ♪
00:05:19,188 --> 00:05:25,499 ♪ If only in my dreams, my dreams, my holiday dreams ♪
00:05:25,629 --> 00:05:28,113 Hello, seniors, I'm Peggy Rockbottom
00:05:28,197 --> 00:05:30,460 here to spread a little holiday cheer.
00:05:30,591 --> 00:05:33,811 You know, sometimes we forget the reason for the season.
00:05:33,942 --> 00:05:36,074 But there's only one man in my life,
00:05:36,205 --> 00:05:37,688 and that man is Jesus Christ.
00:05:37,772 --> 00:05:39,298 And I wrote this song for him.
00:05:41,645 --> 00:05:44,518 ♪ A Christian woman knows her place ♪
00:05:44,648 --> 00:05:47,393 ♪ So go ahead and punch me in the face ♪
00:05:47,477 --> 00:05:51,002 ♪ 'Cause I deserve it, I was wrong ♪
00:05:51,089 --> 00:05:53,875 ♪ That's why I wrote this holiday song ♪
00:05:54,005 --> 00:05:56,707 ♪ With my big fake tits and my Botox lips ♪
00:05:56,791 --> 00:06:00,577 ♪ Saying merry Christmas, Jesus Christ ♪
00:06:00,664 --> 00:06:03,319 Come on, seniors, sing along!
00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:06,540 ♪ A Christian woman knows her place ♪
00:06:06,670 --> 00:06:09,281 ♪ So go ahead and punch me in the face ♪
00:06:09,412 --> 00:06:12,459 ♪ 'Cause I deserve it, I was wrong ♪
00:06:12,589 --> 00:06:15,462 ♪ That's why I wrote this holiday song ♪
00:06:15,549 --> 00:06:18,682 ♪ With my big fake tits and my Botox lips ♪
00:06:18,769 --> 00:06:23,034 ♪ To say merry Christmas, Jesus Christ ♪
00:06:33,828 --> 00:06:36,570 I don't know if you can hear me,
00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:39,660 but I've been kind of wishing for a Christmas miracle.
00:06:42,837 --> 00:06:45,622 If miracles can still even happen,
00:06:45,709 --> 00:06:48,756 please, make it happen now.
00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:06,295 Yay!
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,605 Look, guys, it's Stanny!
00:07:08,689 --> 00:07:10,781 Stanny!
00:07:10,865 --> 00:07:12,260 Oh, no!
00:07:12,344 --> 00:07:15,565 - Did you miss us, Stan? - Oh, no!
00:07:20,135 --> 00:07:23,010 That son of a bitch.
00:07:23,094 --> 00:07:27,316 I could give birth any minute.
00:07:27,403 --> 00:07:29,579 "Oh, hey, Satan, you about to go into labor?
00:07:29,710 --> 00:07:31,367 "OK, how about you go do everything,
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:32,974 and I'll do nothing?"
00:07:33,061 --> 00:07:36,194 Oh, yeah, great idea, Donald! Just like you always do.
00:07:36,325 --> 00:07:41,072 Ugh. God, he is so disgusting.
00:07:41,156 --> 00:07:43,550 Ugh, he's such a pig!
00:07:48,076 --> 00:07:50,473 A blue jock strap?
00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:53,432 He doesn't wear a blue jock strap.
00:07:53,516 --> 00:07:56,127 Who does this belong to?
00:07:56,258 --> 00:07:59,960 Vance.
00:08:00,044 --> 00:08:04,835 It's Vance.
00:08:04,919 --> 00:08:08,357 They're together.
00:08:08,444 --> 00:08:11,229 What are you talking about?
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:16,321 They just wanna kill the baby.
00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:17,758 What?
00:08:17,888 --> 00:08:23,633 The President... Vance... So much sex.
00:08:23,764 --> 00:08:25,203 I can't understand you 'cause you're covered
00:08:25,287 --> 00:08:26,506 in dried-up milk!
00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:29,291 It's not milk.
00:08:29,378 --> 00:08:31,032 Eww!
00:08:38,169 --> 00:08:41,564 Oh!
00:08:41,695 --> 00:08:44,785 Oh, thank God! Oh, thank God!
00:08:44,915 --> 00:08:47,439 Tell me everything you know!
00:08:47,570 --> 00:08:50,834 I will, but first... Please...
00:08:50,965 --> 00:08:55,622 I need to get... Just a little high.
00:08:58,842 --> 00:09:00,191 Go away!
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:03,633 What do you guys want?
00:09:03,717 --> 00:09:05,548 Well, didn't you hear, Stan?
00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:07,851 Satan's gonna give birth to the antichrist!
00:09:07,982 --> 00:09:10,161 Yeah, he's gonna have a butt baby
00:09:10,245 --> 00:09:12,987 and there's gonna be a big crap-out!
00:09:13,074 --> 00:09:15,174 And nobody loves a crap-out more than us!
00:09:17,252 --> 00:09:18,343 Wait a minute, wait, wait, wait.
00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:19,827 This doesn't make any sense!
00:09:19,863 --> 00:09:21,128 You guys are just something that Cartman made up
00:09:21,212 --> 00:09:23,258 in his head!
00:09:23,388 --> 00:09:26,304 Aww, are you really gonna overanalyze a crap-out?
00:09:26,435 --> 00:09:28,527 No way! Crap-outs have no rules!
00:09:28,611 --> 00:09:30,181 Yay!
00:09:30,265 --> 00:09:32,702 All right, y'all, Stan wished us here
00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:35,578 to help the Prince of Darkness, so we gotta do what he says.
00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:37,362 I didn't wish for that!
00:09:37,446 --> 00:09:39,233 I didn't know anything about Satan having a baby
00:09:39,317 --> 00:09:40,754 or crap-outs.
00:09:40,884 --> 00:09:42,846 But you asked for a Christmas miracle, Stan!
00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:45,628 And this crap-out's gonna make everything better!
00:09:45,759 --> 00:09:48,892 It is? Are you sure?
00:09:49,023 --> 00:09:51,460 Of course! Crap-outs are the best!
00:09:51,547 --> 00:09:53,509 Come on! Let's get to it!
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:56,683 Yay!
00:09:59,381 --> 00:10:01,560 Oh, it's been so long.
00:10:03,341 --> 00:10:05,390 So then Vice President Vance,
00:10:05,474 --> 00:10:07,131 he doesn't want you to have the baby, right?
00:10:07,215 --> 00:10:09,347 'Cause he thinks your baby is gonna hurt
00:10:09,478 --> 00:10:12,092 his chances of becoming president.
00:10:12,176 --> 00:10:15,789 So he convinces Trump to try to get rid of the baby himself,
00:10:15,919 --> 00:10:20,358 but every time he tries, he gets blocked by the FCC.
00:10:20,489 --> 00:10:24,061 If he didn't want the baby, why didn't he tell me?
00:10:24,145 --> 00:10:26,280 They couldn't let anyone know they wanted to get rid
00:10:26,364 --> 00:10:29,411 of the baby because, you know, Republicans, abortions--
00:10:29,498 --> 00:10:30,891 It's a bad look.
00:10:32,501 --> 00:10:33,984 So then Vance gets this guy Peter Thiel
00:10:34,068 --> 00:10:36,421 to get rid of the baby, and Thiel's about to come do it
00:10:36,505 --> 00:10:38,105 when Pam Bondi suddenly finds out
00:10:38,159 --> 00:10:39,769 there's a plot to kill the baby.
00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:43,947 So crazy, man. You can't write this shit.
00:10:44,078 --> 00:10:45,819 What did I ever see in him?
00:10:45,949 --> 00:10:48,041 So then The President, he's pissed off at Vance.
00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:50,435 He says, you've been lying to me, but Vance says,
00:10:50,519 --> 00:10:51,784 I was just trying to protect you,
00:10:51,868 --> 00:10:53,368 and then they start having sex
00:10:53,391 --> 00:10:54,613 over and over and over and ove--
00:10:54,697 --> 00:10:57,569 Enough!
00:10:57,700 --> 00:11:01,182 The president hath deceived me.
00:11:01,312 --> 00:11:04,014 He hath deceived us all.
00:11:04,098 --> 00:11:07,188 And I shall make him pay.
00:11:09,756 --> 00:11:12,628 Oh, hell yeah, man. Let's go get that motherfucker.
00:11:16,632 --> 00:11:17,897 <i>♪ What a special time, it's a special day ♪</i>
00:11:17,981 --> 00:11:19,377 <i>♪ It's a Woodland Critter Christmas ♪</i>
00:11:19,461 --> 00:11:20,897 Crap-out!
00:11:26,642 --> 00:11:28,734 Hey! Merry Christmas!
00:11:28,818 --> 00:11:33,214 - Merry Christmas! - Happy Holidays! Relax, guy!
00:11:33,344 --> 00:11:35,825 Hello, we're with the Salvation Army!
00:11:35,956 --> 00:11:37,906 We brought some food for your prisoners!
00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:44,181 - Food for the prisoners? - Hey, relax, guy!
00:11:44,312 --> 00:11:46,562 This is the time of year to give to the needy!
00:11:46,575 --> 00:11:49,125 - We brought 'em this cake! - We don't need your cake!
00:11:49,230 --> 00:11:51,844 The president's gonna come for us, and he's gonna--oof!
00:11:51,928 --> 00:11:53,582 Well, I guess there's no harm.
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,108 Mitch, let 'em in.
00:11:55,192 --> 00:11:57,937 Hey, thanks, buddy!
00:11:58,021 --> 00:11:59,722 ♪ We're headin' for a crap-out ♪
00:11:59,806 --> 00:12:01,416 ♪ Crap-out, crap-out ♪
00:12:01,546 --> 00:12:04,727 ♪ We smell a crap-out comin' soon ♪
00:12:04,811 --> 00:12:07,683 ♪ Don't take the hard route ♪ Just get to the crapout ♪
00:12:07,814 --> 00:12:10,730 ♪ Satan's gonna crap out his anal womb ♪
00:12:10,817 --> 00:12:12,688 OK, hold on a second.
00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:14,562 You said that Satan was in Washington, D.C.
00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:16,953 Yeah, he was, and now he's about to be here!
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,607 But how can you know that?
00:12:18,694 --> 00:12:20,656 Oh, for Pete's sake, Stanny, will you just get on board
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:21,613 with the crap-out already?
00:12:21,697 --> 00:12:23,180 Don't worry, Stanny.
00:12:23,264 --> 00:12:25,182 Everything has been foretold and nothing can stop
00:12:25,266 --> 00:12:26,658 the antichrist from coming.
00:12:26,789 --> 00:12:27,967 Except, of course, for Peter Thiel!
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:30,793 P-P-P-Peter Thiel!
00:12:30,924 --> 00:12:32,624 Wait, you mean the six seven guy?
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,928 You know Peter Thiel?
00:12:35,058 --> 00:12:36,889 Yeah, he did a big dumb assembly at the school.
00:12:36,973 --> 00:12:38,496 He's here?
00:12:38,627 --> 00:12:39,936 What are you gonna do, Stanny?
00:12:40,020 --> 00:12:41,978 Are you gonna kill him and eat him?
00:12:42,065 --> 00:12:43,240 All right, look.
00:12:43,371 --> 00:12:44,636 If I'm gonna get on board with something,
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:46,769 I need it make at least a little bit of sense.
00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:49,246 Well, OK, Susan Sontag, we'll make sure
00:12:49,377 --> 00:12:51,205 it all lines up perfectly for ya.
00:12:51,335 --> 00:12:53,642 Yay!
00:12:56,645 --> 00:12:58,955 Peter Thiel to Red Dragon.
00:12:59,039 --> 00:13:00,867 Come in, Red Dragon.
00:13:00,997 --> 00:13:03,260 Go ahead, guy. This is Red Dragon.
00:13:03,391 --> 00:13:05,135 I got the walkie in the cake.
00:13:05,219 --> 00:13:07,137 Awaiting further instructions.
00:13:07,221 --> 00:13:08,483 Excellent.
00:13:08,613 --> 00:13:10,357 Just stand by, and we'll find a way to get you out
00:13:10,441 --> 00:13:11,834 so you can kill my baby.
00:13:11,965 --> 00:13:13,317 Let's synchronize our watches.
00:13:13,401 --> 00:13:15,536 Donald!
00:13:15,620 --> 00:13:17,100 Uh-oh.
00:13:17,231 --> 00:13:21,496 You have lied to me.
00:13:21,626 --> 00:13:25,155 Satan! We were just doing some charity work!
00:13:25,239 --> 00:13:27,244 Yeah, I don't think so!
00:13:27,328 --> 00:13:32,550 I told Satan every detail of your expertly-crafted plot.
00:13:32,681 --> 00:13:34,944 Boss, it's your cum rag!
00:13:35,075 --> 00:13:37,950 I stayed with you while you two are fucking
00:13:38,034 --> 00:13:39,557 behind my back?
00:13:39,688 --> 00:13:42,604 Did Donald tell you he has genital warts?
00:13:44,475 --> 00:13:47,130 Hey, relax there, guy.
00:13:47,261 --> 00:13:48,526 Look, there he is!
00:13:48,610 --> 00:13:50,133 It's Satan!
00:13:50,264 --> 00:13:52,965 Yay!
00:13:53,049 --> 00:13:55,095 Just as the prophecy foretold!
00:13:55,225 --> 00:13:57,100 Towelie? What's going on?
00:13:57,184 --> 00:14:01,101 What's going on is the most exquisitely woven tapestry
00:14:01,231 --> 00:14:04,455 of ideas that you've ever seen, man.
00:14:04,539 --> 00:14:09,242 Your deception is over, Donald, and so are we.
00:14:09,326 --> 00:14:12,025 This child will be born.
00:14:12,155 --> 00:14:15,115 And for once, you are going to have to live
00:14:15,245 --> 00:14:18,205 with the consequences of your actions.
00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:36,658 Keep your hands off my president, bro.
00:14:38,529 --> 00:14:41,057 Whoa! It's Jesus Christ!
00:14:41,141 --> 00:14:42,667 Aww!
00:14:42,751 --> 00:14:44,495 This happens to be a great man
00:14:44,579 --> 00:14:47,019 who's protecting our country from fags.
00:14:47,103 --> 00:14:49,065 What the hell happened to Jesus?
00:14:49,149 --> 00:14:51,110 He's all Christian now.
00:14:51,194 --> 00:14:55,938 This man is a con artist, and I will deal with him!
00:14:56,069 --> 00:14:59,159 Don't think so, bro!
00:14:59,289 --> 00:15:04,033 Yeah! America! Whoo!
00:15:08,037 --> 00:15:11,261 Oh, my God, this just keeps getting crazier.
00:15:17,438 --> 00:15:19,222 What's wrong, Satan?
00:15:19,353 --> 00:15:23,574 It's the baby. I think it's coming.
00:15:23,661 --> 00:15:26,624 - Oh, wow, y'all, it's time! - What do we do, Stan?
00:15:26,708 --> 00:15:27,930 I don't know!
00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:29,929 You gotta get him to a hospital!
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:38,372 Oh, boy! The big crap-out is almost here!
00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:41,682 I can hardly wait! Can hardly wait!
00:15:41,766 --> 00:15:43,246 Look, it's the doctor!
00:15:43,377 --> 00:15:44,947 Yay!
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:46,774 All right, we're almost ready.
00:15:46,858 --> 00:15:48,385 We just wanna run a quick ultrasound,
00:15:48,469 --> 00:15:50,213 and we'll get you into the OR.
00:15:50,297 --> 00:15:55,737 Doctor, we must hurry. There are evil forces at work.
00:16:02,178 --> 00:16:05,051 All right! This guy's incredible!
00:16:05,181 --> 00:16:08,144 OK, now set Peter Thiel free!
00:16:12,449 --> 00:16:15,061 - Mr. President! What happened? - I don't know!
00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:17,414 I got another Christian dipshit to help me get what I want!
00:16:17,498 --> 00:16:18,760 Let's go, Christianity!
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,285 Then we can proceed.
00:16:22,416 --> 00:16:23,966 We have very little time to stop
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,506 the antichrist from coming.
00:16:25,636 --> 00:16:27,467 Boss, just so you know,
00:16:27,551 --> 00:16:30,467 I don't care if my asshole is filled with genital warts.
00:16:30,598 --> 00:16:31,991 I still love you.
00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:38,258 I can't believe he turned out to be
00:16:38,388 --> 00:16:40,912 this big of a piece a shit.
00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:44,177 I seriously fall for the worst guys.
00:16:44,307 --> 00:16:47,745 Now, now, Satan, you need to save your strength!
00:16:47,876 --> 00:16:50,447 I mean, I knew he sucked, OK?
00:16:50,531 --> 00:16:53,363 I knew it, but I didn't think he would go this far.
00:16:53,447 --> 00:16:56,667 - I am so stupid. - No! You're not stupid!
00:16:56,754 --> 00:16:59,847 Stanny, tell Satan he's not stupid.
00:16:59,931 --> 00:17:02,938 - You're not stupid. - No, I'm stupid!
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,980 I saw how he treated everyone,
00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:07,246 but I was willing to look the other way.
00:17:07,330 --> 00:17:11,424 All because I just wanted my Christmas miracle.
00:17:11,508 --> 00:17:13,510 Your Christmas miracle?
00:17:13,641 --> 00:17:15,556 My little baby.
00:17:15,686 --> 00:17:20,651 The only thing in my life that could actually be good.
00:17:20,735 --> 00:17:23,912 But now Donald has Jesus on his side,
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:26,480 and we'll never be free.
00:17:27,829 --> 00:17:29,529 Satan's right.
00:17:29,613 --> 00:17:32,968 If the President has Jesus on his side, he's unstoppable!
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,705 It's only a matter of time
00:17:34,792 --> 00:17:37,189 before they come here and ruin everything.
00:17:37,273 --> 00:17:38,883 Aww!
00:17:39,014 --> 00:17:40,537 Now, don't be down, y'all.
00:17:40,668 --> 00:17:43,630 - We have our own secret weapon. - That's right!
00:17:43,714 --> 00:17:47,327 They might have Jesus, but we've got Stan!
00:17:47,457 --> 00:17:48,937 Yay!
00:17:53,768 --> 00:17:55,077 <i>♪ What a special time, it's a special day ♪</i>
00:17:55,161 --> 00:17:56,513 <i>♪ It's a Woodland Critter Christmas ♪</i>
00:17:56,597 --> 00:17:58,947 Crap-out! Yeah! Let's go!
00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:09,175 Let's do this!
00:18:09,305 --> 00:18:11,394 Oh, no, here they c-c-c-come!
00:18:13,527 --> 00:18:15,833 What are we gonna do?
00:18:18,358 --> 00:18:20,664 Where is room 6-7?
00:18:22,362 --> 00:18:23,279 Thank you!
00:18:46,429 --> 00:18:49,174 - Hey, kid! Get out of the way! - No.
00:18:49,258 --> 00:18:52,008 If you wanna get to Satan, you'll have to go through us.
00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:53,915 I am fully embracing this crap-out.
00:18:54,002 --> 00:18:55,789 Yay!
00:18:55,873 --> 00:18:59,312 Do not listen to these foul creatures of darkness, child!
00:18:59,442 --> 00:19:01,575 I don't know who to listen to anymore.
00:19:01,662 --> 00:19:03,536 All I know is, I might as well help someone
00:19:03,620 --> 00:19:05,100 get their Christmas miracle.
00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:07,885 'Cause nobody's helping me with mine.
00:19:08,016 --> 00:19:09,977 At least that's what Christmas used to mean.
00:19:10,061 --> 00:19:11,501 Trying to make things a little easier
00:19:11,585 --> 00:19:13,135 for someone else who needed it.
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:14,452 I don't know what happened
00:19:14,457 --> 00:19:16,027 to your Spirit of Christmas, Jesus.
00:19:16,111 --> 00:19:19,941 Let's face it, you gave up, and now you've hit rock bottom.
00:19:21,421 --> 00:19:24,075 Hey, I didn't hit her, OK?
00:19:24,206 --> 00:19:27,035 I mean, all right, maybe I did!
00:19:27,122 --> 00:19:28,906 But Peggy was asking' for it!
00:19:29,037 --> 00:19:31,782 That's actually not at all what I was talking about.
00:19:31,866 --> 00:19:34,524 No. You're right.
00:19:34,608 --> 00:19:36,436 You're right, my child.
00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:38,919 I gave up and I lost faith.
00:19:39,003 --> 00:19:40,530 I don't want to do this.
00:19:40,614 --> 00:19:43,573 Hey! Don't forget I can sue you!
00:19:46,010 --> 00:19:48,622 Then go ahead and sue me.
00:19:48,709 --> 00:19:52,542 I'm not going to be afraid anymore.
00:19:52,626 --> 00:19:54,018 Excuse me, everyone.
00:19:54,149 --> 00:19:55,762 Sorry--sorry to interrupt,
00:19:55,846 --> 00:19:59,984 but I'm afraid we have some really bad news.
00:20:00,068 --> 00:20:03,376 - What? - What? What happened?
00:20:03,506 --> 00:20:05,508 We've looked at the ultrasound, and...
00:20:05,595 --> 00:20:08,471 It appears that at some point when nobody was watching,
00:20:08,555 --> 00:20:10,861 the baby hung itself and took its own life.
00:20:12,820 --> 00:20:15,217 - What? - What are you talking about?
00:20:15,301 --> 00:20:17,501 I'm afraid you can see it all in the video.
00:20:17,607 --> 00:20:19,696 The baby got ahold of some bedsheets.
00:20:19,827 --> 00:20:21,179 There's a couple minutes missing from the ultrasound,
00:20:21,263 --> 00:20:23,138 but it's definitely a suicide.
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:24,922 You gotta be kidding me!
00:20:25,006 --> 00:20:26,793 The baby hung itself?
00:20:26,877 --> 00:20:30,316 Boss! Boss! It's a miracle!
00:20:30,446 --> 00:20:31,926 But does that mean
00:20:32,056 --> 00:20:35,280 there's not gonna be a crap-out?
00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:38,541 <i>This is a Fox News special alert.</i>
00:20:38,672 --> 00:20:41,327 Fox News has just received confirmation
00:20:41,414 --> 00:20:44,289 that the unborn child of Satan and President Trump
00:20:44,373 --> 00:20:46,639 has decided to take the easy way out
00:20:46,723 --> 00:20:48,377 and end its own life.
00:20:48,508 --> 00:20:50,608 Definitely an unfortunate turn of events.
00:20:50,684 --> 00:20:53,037 Fox News has analyzed the ultrasound.
00:20:53,121 --> 00:20:56,083 You can see the baby probably considering suicide right here
00:20:56,167 --> 00:20:57,650 and then-- A little bit missing--
00:20:57,734 --> 00:20:59,086 And it killed itself.
00:20:59,170 --> 00:21:00,998 Obvious confirmation of suicide.
00:21:01,129 --> 00:21:02,783 You can see a little chair there.
00:21:02,913 --> 00:21:05,133 Just what babies do sometimes.
00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:08,136 That's right, and if you or someone you know
00:21:08,223 --> 00:21:10,750 is a fetus contemplating suicide,
00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:14,360 we urge you to call Fox News as much as you possibly can.
00:21:14,447 --> 00:21:16,495 In the meantime, all our thoughts and prayers
00:21:16,579 --> 00:21:18,364 are with the president tonight,
00:21:18,451 --> 00:21:20,804 Who will be holding a funeral for his unborn child
00:21:20,888 --> 00:21:22,803 at the White House.
00:21:34,815 --> 00:21:36,341 Hey, Merry Christmas!
00:21:36,425 --> 00:21:38,732 Did you hear the news? The baby's dead!
00:21:38,819 --> 00:21:41,343 Yes, Mr. President, we are so sorry.
00:21:41,474 --> 00:21:43,519 Happy holidays! The baby's dead!
00:21:43,606 --> 00:21:45,698 Are you OK, sir?
00:21:45,782 --> 00:21:50,483 Yeah, it's really hard! Here, have a cigar!
00:21:50,613 --> 00:21:52,618 Hey, Pam! Merry Christmas! The baby's dead!
00:21:52,702 --> 00:21:54,965 You're so strong, Mr. President.
00:21:55,052 --> 00:21:57,057 And you're taking it really well.
00:21:57,141 --> 00:21:59,753 Hey! Thanks, Pam!
00:22:50,456 --> 00:22:55,072 I win! I win! I win again!
00:23:09,823 --> 00:23:12,695 Christmas letters from home. Here you go.
00:23:12,826 --> 00:23:14,776 Some Christmas joy from your loved ones.
00:23:14,828 --> 00:23:16,528 There you go.
00:23:16,612 --> 00:23:18,353 Hey, there's one for you today.
00:23:27,928 --> 00:23:30,368 <i>Dear Stan, I'm writing this</i>
00:23:30,452 --> 00:23:32,933 <i>because I owe you an apology</i>
00:23:33,063 --> 00:23:35,544 <i>and a thank you.</i>
00:23:35,675 --> 00:23:38,286 <i>You asked for a Christmas miracle,</i>
00:23:38,417 --> 00:23:40,462 <i>and I didn't listen.</i>
00:23:40,593 --> 00:23:42,725 <i>So now, go to this address.</i>
00:23:42,856 --> 00:23:44,031 No way.
00:24:16,846 --> 00:24:19,066 Thank you. Thank you!
00:24:21,285 --> 00:24:24,944 I'll be here, Stan, watching over everybody.
00:24:25,028 --> 00:24:26,468 Be good.
00:24:26,552 --> 00:24:28,818 And remember, never give up on the things
00:24:28,902 --> 00:24:30,338 that you commit to.
00:24:30,469 --> 00:24:32,340 He's so great, isn't he?
00:24:32,471 --> 00:24:34,603 Merry Christmas, everyone!
00:24:34,734 --> 00:24:37,479 Let's all have the happiest holidays!
00:24:37,563 --> 00:24:40,609 ♪ A Christian Woman knows her place ♪
00:24:40,740 --> 00:24:43,528 ♪ So go ahead and punch me in the face ♪
00:24:43,612 --> 00:24:46,879 ♪ 'Cause I deserve it, I was wrong ♪
00:24:46,963 --> 00:24:49,708 ♪ That's why I wrote this holiday song ♪
00:24:49,792 --> 00:24:52,795 ♪ With my big fake tits and my Botox lips ♪
00:24:52,882 --> 00:24:56,625 ♪ Saying Merry Christmas, Jesus Christ ♪
00:24:56,756 --> 00:24:59,193 <i>Come on, seniors, sing along!</i>
00:24:59,323 --> 00:25:02,413 <i>♪ A Christian woman knows her place ♪</i>
00:25:02,544 --> 00:25:05,155 <i>♪ So go ahead and punch me in the face ♪</i>
00:25:05,242 --> 00:25:08,637 <i>♪ 'Cause I deserve it, I was wrong ♪</i>
00:25:08,768 --> 00:25:11,338 <i>♪ That's why I wrote this holiday song ♪</i>
00:25:11,422 --> 00:25:14,777 <i>♪ With my big fake tits and my Botox lips ♪</i>
00:25:14,861 --> 00:25:18,212 <i>♪ To say merry Christmas, Jesus Christ ♪</i>
00:25:18,342 --> 00:25:20,870 <i>♪ A Christian woman knows her place ♪</i>
00:25:20,954 --> 00:25:24,174 <i>♪ So go ahead and punch me in the face ♪</i>
00:25:24,261 --> 00:25:25,959 <i>♪ 'Cause I deserve it ♪</i>

00:00:05,788 --> 00:00:09,139 <i>[Theme music]</i>
00:00:09,270 --> 00:00:10,404 <i>♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:10,488 --> 00:00:12,363 <i>♪ Gonna have myself a time</i>
00:00:12,447 --> 00:00:13,947 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:13,970 --> 00:00:15,754 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:15,885 --> 00:00:17,020 <i>♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:17,104 --> 00:00:18,847 <i>♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪</i>
00:00:18,931 --> 00:00:20,672 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,759 --> 00:00:22,460 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor" ♪
00:00:22,544 --> 00:00:23,678 <i>♪ I'm headin' on down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:23,762 --> 00:00:25,808 <i>♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪</i>
00:00:25,895 --> 00:00:29,032 ♪ [Mumbling] ♪
00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:30,250 <i>♪ Come on down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:30,334 --> 00:00:32,119 <i>♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪</i>
00:00:34,773 --> 00:00:37,124 <i>[Festive music]</i>
00:00:37,211 --> 00:00:38,824 <i>STAN: The past few months have just been...</i>
00:00:38,908 --> 00:00:41,302 <i>Really awful.</i>
00:00:41,432 --> 00:00:42,955 <i>There were these ICE raids</i>
00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:46,092 <i>and my dad's company went out of business.</i>
00:00:46,176 --> 00:00:47,833 <i>Then we lost our house and had to move</i>
00:00:47,917 --> 00:00:51,094 into the old folks home with my grandpa.
00:00:51,225 --> 00:00:52,794 It's like everything keeps changing
00:00:52,878 --> 00:00:55,446 and I really don't know how to cope with it.
00:00:57,492 --> 00:00:59,062 Uh-huh.
00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:00,933 And how exactly do you feel like shit has changed, bro?
00:01:01,017 --> 00:01:02,627 [Guitar chords]
00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:07,023 Well, Jesus, It just seems like
00:01:07,154 --> 00:01:08,723 people aren't really as kind and giving
00:01:08,807 --> 00:01:10,334 as they used to be, you know?
00:01:10,418 --> 00:01:12,162 Like, I just got some money from Saudi Arabia
00:01:12,246 --> 00:01:13,641 and I'm thinking of sharing it.
00:01:13,725 --> 00:01:16,475 'Cause I feel like that's what everyone needs right now.
00:01:16,511 --> 00:01:19,905 Like, a big Christmas miracle?
00:01:22,256 --> 00:01:24,435 Sounds like some socialist bullshit to me, bro.
00:01:24,519 --> 00:01:25,781 [Guitar chords]
00:01:25,911 --> 00:01:27,090 Jesus, I don't wanna live
00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:28,656 in an old folks home anymore, OK?
00:01:28,740 --> 00:01:30,267 Now, I don't know what's made you change like this,
00:01:30,351 --> 00:01:33,444 but we need some God damn Christmas magic!
00:01:33,528 --> 00:01:36,708 Hey, baby, I brought us some Pinot Grigio!
00:01:36,792 --> 00:01:38,742 What took you so long? [Guitar chords]
00:01:38,750 --> 00:01:41,536 - Don't be mad-- - I was out doing my charity work!
00:01:41,623 --> 00:01:42,888 I'm a Christian,
00:01:42,972 --> 00:01:44,800 so I sing to people in need! [Snorts]
00:01:44,930 --> 00:01:47,281 Just shut up and pour me that shit.
00:01:47,411 --> 00:01:49,025 You wanna make your life better, Stan?
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,722 Join the frickin' club!
00:01:50,806 --> 00:01:53,246 This is the time of year we all wish things were better.
00:01:53,330 --> 00:01:55,683 But trust me, nothing miraculous
00:01:55,767 --> 00:01:58,640 is gonna happen to anyone.
00:01:58,770 --> 00:02:01,643 <i>[Festive music]</i>
00:02:04,602 --> 00:02:06,346 ♪ The crib is decorated
00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:08,392 ♪ And the nursery's all planned ♪
00:02:08,476 --> 00:02:12,393 ♪ I put holly on the diapers With all the love I can ♪
00:02:12,523 --> 00:02:14,351 ♪ Tiny dreams in tinsel glow ♪
00:02:14,438 --> 00:02:16,223 ♪ What's more special than ♪
00:02:16,353 --> 00:02:20,662 ♪ A new baby at Christmastime ♪
00:02:20,792 --> 00:02:23,360 <i>Only days remain until America meets</i>
00:02:23,447 --> 00:02:25,800 President Trump's demon spawn.
00:02:25,884 --> 00:02:29,279 How Satan will give birth to the butt baby is still unclear,
00:02:29,410 --> 00:02:32,764 but everyone knows the crap-out is coming.
00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:34,589 ♪ Don the wipes and mistletoe ♪
00:02:34,676 --> 00:02:36,460 ♪ There's so much to be done ♪
00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:40,464 ♪ We'll drink eggnog and cocoa when labor has begun ♪
00:02:40,551 --> 00:02:44,381 ♪ So many reasons to be glad, and I'll be having one ♪
00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:48,432 ♪ A new baby at Christmastime ♪
00:02:48,516 --> 00:02:52,218 ♪ I will love the baby and so will its dad ♪
00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:55,787 ♪ We will be so... Wait a minute.
00:02:55,871 --> 00:02:58,003 Where the hell is he?
00:02:58,134 --> 00:02:59,483 Donald?
00:02:59,614 --> 00:03:01,616 Donald!
00:03:01,703 --> 00:03:03,183 Where is Donald?
00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:04,535 Oh, sorry, Satan.
00:03:04,619 --> 00:03:05,927 The President had to fly to Colorado
00:03:06,011 --> 00:03:07,491 on an urgent matter.
00:03:07,578 --> 00:03:11,060 An urgent matter? Are you serious right now?
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,457 I told him this was the day
00:03:13,541 --> 00:03:16,242 we were going to sing songs and decorate the nursery!
00:03:16,326 --> 00:03:18,418 What is he doing that's more urgent than that?
00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:21,029 Sorry, it's all high-level classified stuff.
00:03:21,113 --> 00:03:22,988 Even we don't have clearance to know what he's doing.
00:03:23,072 --> 00:03:26,818 He is such a piece a shit!
00:03:26,902 --> 00:03:30,256 He does this to me all the time!
00:03:30,340 --> 00:03:34,953 I'm about to have this baby, and he's out fucking around!
00:03:37,608 --> 00:03:38,870 Hormones, huh?
00:03:38,957 --> 00:03:41,090 It is strange that the President hasn't
00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:43,574 even informed me why he's going to Colorado.
00:03:43,658 --> 00:03:45,619 Well, the President said it's top secret
00:03:45,703 --> 00:03:47,923 and only he and the vice president can know.
00:03:48,053 --> 00:03:50,621 Whatever they're doing...
00:03:50,752 --> 00:03:55,235 Must be part of an extremely covert military operation.
00:03:55,322 --> 00:03:59,456 [Bells ringing]
00:03:59,543 --> 00:04:01,418 Merry Christmas!
00:04:01,502 --> 00:04:04,156 Relax, guy!
00:04:04,287 --> 00:04:07,899 Hey-hey-hey! Relax, guy!
00:04:07,986 --> 00:04:10,862 OK, Boss, this is the place.
00:04:10,946 --> 00:04:13,256 That is the police station over there.
00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:15,690 That's where they are keeping Peter Thiel.
00:04:15,777 --> 00:04:17,996 All right, we just gotta keep it quiet.
00:04:18,127 --> 00:04:20,738 Nobody can know I want to kill this baby--ope!
00:04:20,869 --> 00:04:23,263 Merry Christmas! Hey-hey-hey!
00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:24,655 Relax!
00:04:27,528 --> 00:04:29,228 Are you sure this Peter Thiel can do it?
00:04:29,312 --> 00:04:30,705 Yes, Boss.
00:04:30,792 --> 00:04:32,884 But we must find a way to break him out
00:04:32,968 --> 00:04:34,277 of that police- Shh, shh, shh, shh.
00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:36,276 Happy holidays!
00:04:36,363 --> 00:04:38,452 Hey-hey-hey!
00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:41,632 Oh, I'm sorry, I don't have any spare change, mkay?
00:04:41,716 --> 00:04:43,500 The government cut school funding
00:04:43,587 --> 00:04:45,546 so I lost my job.
00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:47,246 Then, you know, everything costs more
00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:50,377 with all the tariffs, and my health care got cut,
00:04:50,464 --> 00:04:54,163 so I'm just struggling like a lot of Americans are.
00:04:56,731 --> 00:04:59,081 All right, well, Merry Christmas!
00:04:59,168 --> 00:05:01,736 [Bells ringing]
00:05:01,823 --> 00:05:03,346 We better hurry, Boss.
00:05:03,477 --> 00:05:04,826 The town might be onto us,
00:05:04,956 --> 00:05:07,002 and the crap-out could be any minute now.
00:05:07,132 --> 00:05:08,882 OK, let's synchronize our watches.
00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:12,706 It's time to complete Operation Kill My Own Baby!
00:05:12,790 --> 00:05:19,057 ♪ I'll be home for Christmas ♪
00:05:19,188 --> 00:05:25,499 ♪ If only in my dreams, my dreams, my holiday dreams ♪
00:05:25,629 --> 00:05:28,113 Hello, seniors, I'm Peggy Rockbottom
00:05:28,197 --> 00:05:30,460 here to spread a little holiday cheer.
00:05:30,591 --> 00:05:33,811 You know, sometimes we forget the reason for the season.
00:05:33,942 --> 00:05:36,074 But there's only one man in my life,
00:05:36,205 --> 00:05:37,688 and that man is Jesus Christ.
00:05:37,772 --> 00:05:39,298 And I wrote this song for him.
00:05:39,382 --> 00:05:41,515 [Jaunty music]
00:05:41,645 --> 00:05:44,518 ♪ A Christian woman knows her place ♪
00:05:44,648 --> 00:05:47,393 ♪ So go ahead and punch me in the face ♪
00:05:47,477 --> 00:05:51,002 ♪ 'Cause I deserve it, I was wrong ♪
00:05:51,089 --> 00:05:53,875 ♪ That's why I wrote this holiday song ♪
00:05:54,005 --> 00:05:56,707 ♪ With my big fake tits and my Botox lips ♪
00:05:56,791 --> 00:06:00,577 ♪ Saying merry Christmas, Jesus Christ ♪
00:06:00,664 --> 00:06:03,319 Come on, seniors, sing along!
00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:06,540 ♪ A Christian woman knows her place ♪
00:06:06,670 --> 00:06:09,281 ALL: ♪ So go ahead and punch me in the face ♪
00:06:09,412 --> 00:06:12,459 ♪ 'Cause I deserve it, I was wrong ♪
00:06:12,589 --> 00:06:15,462 ♪ That's why I wrote this holiday song ♪
00:06:15,549 --> 00:06:18,682 ♪ With my big fake tits and my Botox lips ♪
00:06:18,769 --> 00:06:23,034 ♪ To say merry Christmas, Jesus Christ ♪
00:06:33,828 --> 00:06:36,570 I don't know if you can hear me,
00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:39,660 but I've been kind of wishing for a Christmas miracle.
00:06:42,837 --> 00:06:45,622 If miracles can still even happen,
00:06:45,709 --> 00:06:48,756 please, make it happen now.
00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:06,295 ALL: Yay!
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,605 Look, guys, it's Stanny!
00:07:08,689 --> 00:07:10,781 ALL: Stanny!
00:07:10,865 --> 00:07:12,260 Oh, no!
00:07:12,344 --> 00:07:15,565 - Did you miss us, Stan? - Oh, no!
00:07:20,135 --> 00:07:23,010 That son of a bitch.
00:07:23,094 --> 00:07:27,316 I could give birth any minute.
00:07:27,403 --> 00:07:29,579 "Oh, hey, Satan, you about to go into labor?
00:07:29,710 --> 00:07:31,367 "OK, how about you go do everything,
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:32,974 and I'll do nothing?"
00:07:33,061 --> 00:07:36,194 Oh, yeah, great idea, Donald! Just like you always do.
00:07:36,325 --> 00:07:41,072 Ugh. God, he is so disgusting.
00:07:41,156 --> 00:07:43,550 Ugh, he's such a pig!
00:07:48,076 --> 00:07:50,473 A blue jock strap?
00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:53,432 He doesn't wear a blue jock strap.
00:07:53,516 --> 00:07:56,127 Who does this belong to?
00:07:56,258 --> 00:07:59,960 TOWELIE: Vance.
00:08:00,044 --> 00:08:04,835 It's Vance.
00:08:04,919 --> 00:08:08,357 They're together.
00:08:08,444 --> 00:08:11,229 What are you talking about?
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:16,321 They just wanna kill the baby.
00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:17,758 What?
00:08:17,888 --> 00:08:23,633 The President... Vance... So much sex.
00:08:23,764 --> 00:08:25,203 I can't understand you 'cause you're covered
00:08:25,287 --> 00:08:26,506 in dried-up milk!
00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:29,291 It's not milk.
00:08:29,378 --> 00:08:31,032 Eww!
00:08:38,169 --> 00:08:41,564 Oh! [Coughing]
00:08:41,695 --> 00:08:44,785 Oh, thank God! Oh, thank God!
00:08:44,915 --> 00:08:47,439 Tell me everything you know!
00:08:47,570 --> 00:08:50,834 I will, but first... Please...
00:08:50,965 --> 00:08:55,622 I need to get... Just a little high.
00:08:58,842 --> 00:09:00,191 Go away!
00:09:00,278 --> 00:09:02,411 [Critters clamoring]
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:03,633 What do you guys want?
00:09:03,717 --> 00:09:05,548 Well, didn't you hear, Stan?
00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:07,851 Satan's gonna give birth to the antichrist!
00:09:07,982 --> 00:09:10,161 Yeah, he's gonna have a butt baby
00:09:10,245 --> 00:09:12,987 and there's gonna be a big crap-out!
00:09:13,074 --> 00:09:15,174 And nobody loves a crap-out more than us!
00:09:15,293 --> 00:09:17,168 [All cheering]
00:09:17,252 --> 00:09:18,343 Wait a minute, wait, wait, wait.
00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:19,827 This doesn't make any sense!
00:09:19,863 --> 00:09:21,128 You guys are just something that Cartman made up
00:09:21,212 --> 00:09:23,258 in his head!
00:09:23,388 --> 00:09:26,304 Aww, are you really gonna overanalyze a crap-out?
00:09:26,435 --> 00:09:28,527 No way! Crap-outs have no rules!
00:09:28,611 --> 00:09:30,181 ALL: Yay!
00:09:30,265 --> 00:09:32,702 All right, y'all, Stan wished us here
00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:35,578 to help the Prince of Darkness, so we gotta do what he says.
00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:37,362 I didn't wish for that!
00:09:37,446 --> 00:09:39,233 I didn't know anything about Satan having a baby
00:09:39,317 --> 00:09:40,754 or crap-outs.
00:09:40,884 --> 00:09:42,846 But you asked for a Christmas miracle, Stan!
00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:45,628 And this crap-out's gonna make everything better!
00:09:45,759 --> 00:09:48,892 It is? Are you sure?
00:09:49,023 --> 00:09:51,460 Of course! Crap-outs are the best!
00:09:51,547 --> 00:09:53,509 Come on! Let's get to it!
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:56,683 ALL: Yay!
00:09:56,813 --> 00:09:59,297 [Inhaling]
00:09:59,381 --> 00:10:01,560 Oh, it's been so long.
00:10:01,644 --> 00:10:03,254 [Exhales]
00:10:03,341 --> 00:10:05,390 So then Vice President Vance,
00:10:05,474 --> 00:10:07,131 he doesn't want you to have the baby, right?
00:10:07,215 --> 00:10:09,347 'Cause he thinks your baby is gonna hurt
00:10:09,478 --> 00:10:12,092 his chances of becoming president.
00:10:12,176 --> 00:10:15,789 So he convinces Trump to try to get rid of the baby himself,
00:10:15,919 --> 00:10:20,358 but every time he tries, he gets blocked by the FCC.
00:10:20,489 --> 00:10:24,061 If he didn't want the baby, why didn't he tell me?
00:10:24,145 --> 00:10:26,280 They couldn't let anyone know they wanted to get rid
00:10:26,364 --> 00:10:29,411 of the baby because, you know, Republicans, abortions--
00:10:29,498 --> 00:10:30,891 It's a bad look.
00:10:31,021 --> 00:10:32,370 [Growls]
00:10:32,501 --> 00:10:33,984 So then Vance gets this guy Peter Thiel
00:10:34,068 --> 00:10:36,421 to get rid of the baby, and Thiel's about to come do it
00:10:36,505 --> 00:10:38,105 when Pam Bondi suddenly finds out
00:10:38,159 --> 00:10:39,769 there's a plot to kill the baby.
00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:43,947 So crazy, man. You can't write this shit.
00:10:44,078 --> 00:10:45,819 What did I ever see in him?
00:10:45,949 --> 00:10:48,041 So then The President, he's pissed off at Vance.
00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:50,435 He says, you've been lying to me, but Vance says,
00:10:50,519 --> 00:10:51,784 I was just trying to protect you,
00:10:51,868 --> 00:10:53,368 and then they start having sex
00:10:53,391 --> 00:10:54,613 over and over and over and ove--
00:10:54,697 --> 00:10:57,569 Enough!
00:10:57,700 --> 00:11:01,182 The president hath deceived me.
00:11:01,312 --> 00:11:04,014 He hath deceived us all.
00:11:04,098 --> 00:11:07,188 And I shall make him pay.
00:11:09,756 --> 00:11:12,628 Oh, hell yeah, man. Let's go get that motherfucker.
00:11:16,632 --> 00:11:17,897 <i>♪ What a special time, it's a special day ♪</i>
00:11:17,981 --> 00:11:19,377 <i>♪ It's a Woodland Critter Christmas ♪</i>
00:11:19,461 --> 00:11:20,897 Crap-out!
00:11:26,642 --> 00:11:28,734 Hey! Merry Christmas!
00:11:28,818 --> 00:11:33,214 - Merry Christmas! - Happy Holidays! Relax, guy!
00:11:33,344 --> 00:11:35,825 Hello, we're with the Salvation Army!
00:11:35,956 --> 00:11:37,906 We brought some food for your prisoners!
00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:44,181 - Food for the prisoners? - Hey, relax, guy!
00:11:44,312 --> 00:11:46,562 This is the time of year to give to the needy!
00:11:46,575 --> 00:11:49,125 We brought 'em this cake! - We don't need your cake!
00:11:49,230 --> 00:11:51,844 The president's gonna come for us, and he's gonna--oof!
00:11:51,928 --> 00:11:53,582 Well, I guess there's no harm.
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,108 Mitch, let 'em in.
00:11:55,192 --> 00:11:57,937 Hey, thanks, buddy!
00:11:58,021 --> 00:11:59,722 ALL: ♪ We're headin' for a crap-out ♪
00:11:59,806 --> 00:12:01,416 ♪ Crap-out, crap-out ♪
00:12:01,546 --> 00:12:04,727 ♪ We smell a crap-out comin' soon ♪
00:12:04,811 --> 00:12:07,683 ♪ Don't take the hard route ♪ Just get to the crapout
00:12:07,814 --> 00:12:10,730 ALL: ♪ Satan's gonna crap out his anal womb ♪
00:12:10,817 --> 00:12:12,688 OK, hold on a second.
00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:14,562 You said that Satan was in Washington, D.C.
00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:16,953 Yeah, he was, and now he's about to be here!
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,607 But how can you know that?
00:12:18,694 --> 00:12:20,656 Oh, for Pete's sake, Stanny, will you just get on board
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:21,613 with the crap-out already?
00:12:21,697 --> 00:12:23,180 Don't worry, Stanny.
00:12:23,264 --> 00:12:25,182 Everything has been foretold and nothing can stop
00:12:25,266 --> 00:12:26,658 the antichrist from coming.
00:12:26,789 --> 00:12:27,967 Except, of course, for Peter Thiel!
00:12:28,051 --> 00:12:29,270 [Critters jeering]
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:30,793 P-P-P-Peter Thiel!
00:12:30,924 --> 00:12:32,624 Wait, you mean the six seven guy?
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,928 You know Peter Thiel?
00:12:35,058 --> 00:12:36,889 Yeah, he did a big dumb assembly at the school.
00:12:36,973 --> 00:12:38,496 He's here?
00:12:38,627 --> 00:12:39,936 What are you gonna do, Stanny?
00:12:40,020 --> 00:12:41,978 Are you gonna kill him and eat him?
00:12:42,065 --> 00:12:43,240 All right, look.
00:12:43,371 --> 00:12:44,636 If I'm gonna get on board with something,
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:46,769 I need it make at least a little bit of sense.
00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:49,246 Well, OK, Susan Sontag, we'll make sure
00:12:49,377 --> 00:12:51,205 it all lines up perfectly for ya.
00:12:51,335 --> 00:12:53,642 ALL: Yay!
00:12:56,645 --> 00:12:58,955 Peter Thiel to Red Dragon.
00:12:59,039 --> 00:13:00,867 Come in, Red Dragon.
00:13:00,997 --> 00:13:03,260 Go ahead, guy. This is Red Dragon.
00:13:03,391 --> 00:13:05,135 I got the walkie in the cake.
00:13:05,219 --> 00:13:07,137 Awaiting further instructions.
00:13:07,221 --> 00:13:08,483 Excellent.
00:13:08,613 --> 00:13:10,357 Just stand by, and we'll find a way to get you out
00:13:10,441 --> 00:13:11,834 so you can kill my baby.
00:13:11,965 --> 00:13:13,317 Let's synchronize our watches.
00:13:13,401 --> 00:13:15,536 SATAN: Donald!
00:13:15,620 --> 00:13:17,100 Uh-oh.
00:13:17,231 --> 00:13:21,496 You have lied to me.
00:13:21,626 --> 00:13:25,155 Satan! We were just doing some charity work!
00:13:25,239 --> 00:13:27,244 Yeah, I don't think so!
00:13:27,328 --> 00:13:32,550 I told Satan every detail of your expertly-crafted plot.
00:13:32,681 --> 00:13:34,944 Boss, it's your cum rag!
00:13:35,075 --> 00:13:37,950 I stayed with you while you two are fucking
00:13:38,034 --> 00:13:39,557 behind my back?
00:13:39,688 --> 00:13:42,604 Did Donald tell you he has genital warts?
00:13:44,475 --> 00:13:47,130 [Laughs] Hey, relax there, guy.
00:13:47,261 --> 00:13:48,526 Look, there he is!
00:13:48,610 --> 00:13:50,133 It's Satan!
00:13:50,264 --> 00:13:52,965 ALL: Yay!
00:13:53,049 --> 00:13:55,095 Just as the prophecy foretold!
00:13:55,225 --> 00:13:57,100 Towelie? What's going on?
00:13:57,184 --> 00:14:01,101 What's going on is the most exquisitely woven tapestry
00:14:01,231 --> 00:14:04,455 of ideas that you've ever seen, man.
00:14:04,539 --> 00:14:09,242 Your deception is over, Donald, and so are we.
00:14:09,326 --> 00:14:12,025 This child will be born.
00:14:12,155 --> 00:14:15,115 And for once, you are going to have to live
00:14:15,245 --> 00:14:18,205 with the consequences of your actions.
00:14:20,033 --> 00:14:22,862 [Whooshing]
00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:36,658 Keep your hands off my president, bro.
00:14:38,529 --> 00:14:41,057 Whoa! It's Jesus Christ!
00:14:41,141 --> 00:14:42,667 ALL: Aww!
00:14:42,751 --> 00:14:44,495 This happens to be a great man
00:14:44,579 --> 00:14:47,019 who's protecting our country from fags.
00:14:47,103 --> 00:14:49,065 What the hell happened to Jesus?
00:14:49,149 --> 00:14:51,110 He's all Christian now.
00:14:51,194 --> 00:14:55,938 This man is a con artist, and I will deal with him!
00:14:56,069 --> 00:14:59,159 Don't think so, bro!
00:14:59,289 --> 00:15:04,033 Yeah! America! Whoo! [Guitar chords]
00:15:08,037 --> 00:15:11,261 Oh, my God, this just keeps getting crazier.
00:15:11,345 --> 00:15:14,478 [Groaning]
00:15:17,438 --> 00:15:19,222 What's wrong, Satan?
00:15:19,353 --> 00:15:23,574 It's the baby. I think it's coming.
00:15:23,661 --> 00:15:26,624 - Oh, wow, y'all, it's time! - What do we do, Stan?
00:15:26,708 --> 00:15:27,930 I don't know!
00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:29,929 You gotta get him to a hospital!
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:38,372 Oh, boy! The big crap-out is almost here!
00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:41,682 I can hardly wait! Can hardly wait!
00:15:41,766 --> 00:15:43,246 Look, it's the doctor!
00:15:43,377 --> 00:15:44,947 ALL: Yay!
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:46,774 All right, we're almost ready.
00:15:46,858 --> 00:15:48,385 We just wanna run a quick ultrasound,
00:15:48,469 --> 00:15:50,213 and we'll get you into the OR.
00:15:50,297 --> 00:15:55,737 Doctor, we must hurry. There are evil forces at work.
00:15:57,608 --> 00:16:02,094 [Guitar chords]
00:16:02,178 --> 00:16:05,051 All right! This guy's incredible!
00:16:05,181 --> 00:16:08,144 OK, now set Peter Thiel free!
00:16:08,228 --> 00:16:12,319 [Guitar chords]
00:16:12,449 --> 00:16:15,061 - Mr. President! What happened? - I don't know!
00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:17,414 I got another Christian dipshit to help me get what I want!
00:16:17,498 --> 00:16:18,760 Let's go, Christianity!
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,285 Then we can proceed.
00:16:22,416 --> 00:16:23,966 We have very little time to stop
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,506 the antichrist from coming.
00:16:25,636 --> 00:16:27,467 Boss, just so you know,
00:16:27,551 --> 00:16:30,467 I don't care if my asshole is filled with genital warts.
00:16:30,598 --> 00:16:31,991 I still love you.
00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:38,258 I can't believe he turned out to be
00:16:38,388 --> 00:16:40,912 this big of a piece a shit.
00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:44,177 I seriously fall for the worst guys.
00:16:44,307 --> 00:16:47,745 Now, now, Satan, you need to save your strength!
00:16:47,876 --> 00:16:50,447 I mean, I knew he sucked, OK?
00:16:50,531 --> 00:16:53,363 I knew it, but I didn't think he would go this far.
00:16:53,447 --> 00:16:56,667 I am so stupid. - No! You're not stupid!
00:16:56,754 --> 00:16:59,847 Stanny, tell Satan he's not stupid.
00:16:59,931 --> 00:17:02,938 - You're not stupid. - No, I'm stupid!
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,980 I saw how he treated everyone,
00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:07,246 but I was willing to look the other way.
00:17:07,330 --> 00:17:11,424 All because I just wanted my Christmas miracle.
00:17:11,508 --> 00:17:13,510 Your Christmas miracle?
00:17:13,641 --> 00:17:15,556 My little baby.
00:17:15,686 --> 00:17:20,651 The only thing in my life that could actually be good.
00:17:20,735 --> 00:17:23,912 But now Donald has Jesus on his side,
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:26,480 and we'll never be free.
00:17:27,829 --> 00:17:29,529 Satan's right.
00:17:29,613 --> 00:17:32,968 If the President has Jesus on his side, he's unstoppable!
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,705 It's only a matter of time
00:17:34,792 --> 00:17:37,189 before they come here and ruin everything.
00:17:37,273 --> 00:17:38,883 ALL: Aww!
00:17:39,014 --> 00:17:40,537 Now, don't be down, y'all.
00:17:40,668 --> 00:17:43,630 We have our own secret weapon. - That's right!
00:17:43,714 --> 00:17:47,327 They might have Jesus, but we've got Stan!
00:17:47,457 --> 00:17:48,937 ALL: Yay!
00:17:53,768 --> 00:17:55,077 <i>♪ What a special time, it's a special day ♪</i>
00:17:55,161 --> 00:17:56,513 <i>♪ It's a Woodland Critter Christmas ♪</i>
00:17:56,597 --> 00:17:58,947 Crap-out! Yeah! Let's go!
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,863 <i>[Dramatic rock music]</i>
00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:09,175 Let's do this!
00:18:09,305 --> 00:18:11,394 Oh, no, here they c-c-c-come!
00:18:13,527 --> 00:18:15,833 What are we gonna do?
00:18:18,358 --> 00:18:20,664 Where is room 6-7?
00:18:22,362 --> 00:18:23,279 Thank you!
00:18:23,363 --> 00:18:27,671 [Guitar wailing]
00:18:27,758 --> 00:18:29,151 [elevator dings]
00:18:29,282 --> 00:18:32,505 <i>[music playing faintly]</i>
00:18:32,589 --> 00:18:35,418 [elevator dings]
00:18:35,549 --> 00:18:38,421 <i>[music builds]</i>
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,220 <i>[Music stops abruptly]</i>
00:18:46,429 --> 00:18:49,174 - Hey, kid! Get out of the way! - No.
00:18:49,258 --> 00:18:52,008 If you wanna get to Satan, you'll have to go through us.
00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:53,915 I am fully embracing this crap-out.
00:18:54,002 --> 00:18:55,789 ALL: Yay!
00:18:55,873 --> 00:18:59,312 Do not listen to these foul creatures of darkness, child!
00:18:59,442 --> 00:19:01,575 I don't know who to listen to anymore.
00:19:01,662 --> 00:19:03,536 All I know is, I might as well help someone
00:19:03,620 --> 00:19:05,100 get their Christmas miracle.
00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:07,885 'Cause nobody's helping me with mine.
00:19:08,016 --> 00:19:09,977 At least that's what Christmas used to mean.
00:19:10,061 --> 00:19:11,501 Trying to make things a little easier
00:19:11,585 --> 00:19:13,135 for someone else who needed it.
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:14,452 I don't know what happened
00:19:14,457 --> 00:19:16,027 to your Spirit of Christmas, Jesus.
00:19:16,111 --> 00:19:19,941 Let's face it, you gave up, and now you've hit rock bottom.
00:19:21,421 --> 00:19:24,075 Hey, I didn't hit her, OK?
00:19:24,206 --> 00:19:27,035 I mean, all right, maybe I did!
00:19:27,122 --> 00:19:28,906 But Peggy was asking' for it!
00:19:29,037 --> 00:19:31,782 That's actually not at all what I was talking about.
00:19:31,866 --> 00:19:34,524 No. You're right.
00:19:34,608 --> 00:19:36,436 You're right, my child.
00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:38,919 I gave up and I lost faith.
00:19:39,003 --> 00:19:40,530 I don't want to do this.
00:19:40,614 --> 00:19:43,573 Hey! Don't forget I can sue you!
00:19:46,010 --> 00:19:48,622 Then go ahead and sue me.
00:19:48,709 --> 00:19:52,542 I'm not going to be afraid anymore.
00:19:52,626 --> 00:19:54,018 Excuse me, everyone.
00:19:54,149 --> 00:19:55,762 Sorry--sorry to interrupt,
00:19:55,846 --> 00:19:59,984 but I'm afraid we have some really bad news.
00:20:00,068 --> 00:20:03,376 - What? - What? What happened?
00:20:03,506 --> 00:20:05,508 We've looked at the ultrasound, and...
00:20:05,595 --> 00:20:08,471 It appears that at some point when nobody was watching,
00:20:08,555 --> 00:20:10,861 the baby hung itself and took its own life.
00:20:12,820 --> 00:20:15,217 - What? - What are you talking about?
00:20:15,301 --> 00:20:17,501 I'm afraid you can see it all in the video.
00:20:17,607 --> 00:20:19,696 The baby got ahold of some bedsheets.
00:20:19,827 --> 00:20:21,179 There's a couple minutes missing from the ultrasound,
00:20:21,263 --> 00:20:23,138 but it's definitely a suicide.
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:24,922 You gotta be kidding me!
00:20:25,006 --> 00:20:26,793 The baby hung itself?
00:20:26,877 --> 00:20:30,316 Boss! Boss! It's a miracle!
00:20:30,446 --> 00:20:31,926 But does that mean
00:20:32,056 --> 00:20:35,280 there's not gonna be a crap-out?
00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:38,541 <i>ANNOUNCER: This is a Fox News special alert.</i>
00:20:38,672 --> 00:20:41,327 Fox News has just received confirmation
00:20:41,414 --> 00:20:44,289 that the unborn child of Satan and President Trump
00:20:44,373 --> 00:20:46,639 has decided to take the easy way out
00:20:46,723 --> 00:20:48,377 and end its own life.
00:20:48,508 --> 00:20:50,608 Definitely an unfortunate turn of events.
00:20:50,684 --> 00:20:53,037 Fox News has analyzed the ultrasound.
00:20:53,121 --> 00:20:56,083 You can see the baby probably considering suicide right here
00:20:56,167 --> 00:20:57,650 and then-- A little bit missing--
00:20:57,734 --> 00:20:59,086 And it killed itself.
00:20:59,170 --> 00:21:00,998 Obvious confirmation of suicide.
00:21:01,129 --> 00:21:02,783 You can see a little chair there.
00:21:02,913 --> 00:21:05,133 Just what babies do sometimes.
00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:08,136 That's right, and if you or someone you know
00:21:08,223 --> 00:21:10,750 is a fetus contemplating suicide,
00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:14,360 we urge you to call Fox News as much as you possibly can.
00:21:14,447 --> 00:21:16,495 In the meantime, all our thoughts and prayers
00:21:16,579 --> 00:21:18,364 are with the president tonight,
00:21:18,451 --> 00:21:20,804 Who will be holding a funeral for his unborn child
00:21:20,888 --> 00:21:22,803 at the White House.
00:21:22,933 --> 00:21:25,762 <i>[upbeat festive music]</i>
00:21:34,815 --> 00:21:36,341 Hey, Merry Christmas!
00:21:36,425 --> 00:21:38,732 Did you hear the news? The baby's dead!
00:21:38,819 --> 00:21:41,343 Yes, Mr. President, we are so sorry.
00:21:41,474 --> 00:21:43,519 Happy holidays! The baby's dead!
00:21:43,606 --> 00:21:45,698 Are you OK, sir?
00:21:45,782 --> 00:21:50,483 Yeah, it's really hard! Here, have a cigar!
00:21:50,613 --> 00:21:52,618 Hey, Pam! Merry Christmas! The baby's dead!
00:21:52,702 --> 00:21:54,965 PAM: You're so strong, Mr. President.
00:21:55,052 --> 00:21:57,057 And you're taking it really well.
00:21:57,141 --> 00:21:59,753 Hey! Thanks, Pam!
00:22:01,494 --> 00:22:04,323 <i>[Soft piano music]</i>
00:22:43,884 --> 00:22:46,759 <i>[Upbeat festive music]</i>
00:22:50,456 --> 00:22:55,072 I win! I win! I win again!
00:22:55,156 --> 00:23:02,119 <i>♪</i>
00:23:09,823 --> 00:23:12,695 Christmas letters from home. Here you go.
00:23:12,826 --> 00:23:14,776 Some Christmas joy from your loved ones.
00:23:14,828 --> 00:23:16,528 There you go.
00:23:16,612 --> 00:23:18,353 Hey, there's one for you today.
00:23:27,928 --> 00:23:30,368 <i>JESUS: Dear Stan, I'm writing this</i>
00:23:30,452 --> 00:23:32,933 <i>because I owe you an apology</i>
00:23:33,063 --> 00:23:35,544 <i>and a thank you.</i>
00:23:35,675 --> 00:23:38,286 <i>You asked for a Christmas miracle,</i>
00:23:38,417 --> 00:23:40,462 <i>and I didn't listen.</i>
00:23:40,593 --> 00:23:42,725 <i>So now, go to this address.</i>
00:23:42,856 --> 00:23:44,031 No way.
00:24:16,846 --> 00:24:19,066 Thank you. Thank you!
00:24:19,196 --> 00:24:21,155 <i>[Twinkling]</i>
00:24:21,285 --> 00:24:24,944 I'll be here, Stan, watching over everybody.
00:24:25,028 --> 00:24:26,468 Be good.
00:24:26,552 --> 00:24:28,818 And remember, never give up on the things
00:24:28,902 --> 00:24:30,338 that you commit to.
00:24:30,469 --> 00:24:32,340 He's so great, isn't he?
00:24:32,471 --> 00:24:34,603 Merry Christmas, everyone!
00:24:34,734 --> 00:24:37,479 Let's all have the happiest holidays!
00:24:37,563 --> 00:24:40,609 ♪ A Christian Woman knows her place ♪
00:24:40,740 --> 00:24:43,528 BOTH: ♪ So go ahead and punch me in the face ♪
00:24:43,612 --> 00:24:46,879 ♪ 'Cause I deserve it, I was wrong ♪
00:24:46,963 --> 00:24:49,708 ♪ That's why I wrote this holiday song ♪
00:24:49,792 --> 00:24:52,795 ♪ With my big fake tits and my Botox lips ♪
00:24:52,882 --> 00:24:56,625 ♪ Saying Merry Christmas, Jesus Christ ♪
00:24:56,756 --> 00:24:59,193 <i>PEGGY: Come on, seniors, sing along!</i>
00:24:59,323 --> 00:25:02,413 <i>♪ A Christian woman knows her place ♪</i>
00:25:02,544 --> 00:25:05,155 <i>ALL: ♪ So go ahead and punch me in the face ♪</i>
00:25:05,242 --> 00:25:08,637 <i>♪ 'Cause I deserve it, I was wrong ♪</i>
00:25:08,768 --> 00:25:11,338 <i>♪ That's why I wrote this holiday song ♪</i>
00:25:11,422 --> 00:25:14,777 <i>♪ With my big fake tits and my Botox lips ♪</i>
00:25:14,861 --> 00:25:18,212 <i>♪ To say merry Christmas, Jesus Christ ♪</i>
00:25:18,342 --> 00:25:20,870 <i>PEGGY: ♪ A Christian woman knows her place ♪</i>
00:25:20,954 --> 00:25:24,174 <i>ALL: ♪ So go ahead and punch me in the face ♪</i>
00:25:24,261 --> 00:25:25,959 <i>♪ 'Cause I deserve it ♪</i>

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