Женщина в шляпе — Белый дом борется с дестабилизирующим духом восточного крыла. Стэн же обеспокоен тем, что Южный Парк стал слишком политизированным.

Предыдущая серия S28 E01 Искажённое христианство

Следующая серия S28 E03 Sora не сожалеет

Женщина в шляпе

The Woman in the Hat

Сезон: 28Серия: 02

Описание

Белый дом борется с дестабилизирующим духом восточного крыла. Стэн же обеспокоен тем, что Южный Парк стал слишком политизированным.

Субтитры

00:00:01,090 --> 00:00:03,380 ПЕРСОНАЖИ И СОБЫТИЯ ВЫМЫШЛЕНЫ, ХОТЬ И НЕ ВСЕ ГОЛОСА ЗНАМЕНИТОСТЕЙ СЫМИТИРОВАНЫ... ПЛОХО
00:00:03,410 --> 00:00:05,420 В ПРОГРАММЕ СОДЕРЖИТСЯ ГРЯЗНАЯ РУГАНЬ НЕ РЕКОМЕНДУЕТСЯ К ПРОСМОТРУ НИКОМУ
00:00:08,790 --> 00:00:10,110 <i>Соберу я свой рюкзак</i>
00:00:10,190 --> 00:00:12,080 <i>и поеду в Саус Парк.</i>
00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:13,900 <i>Дружелюбный здесь народ,</i>
00:00:13,940 --> 00:00:15,600 <i>благочестие цветёт.</i>
00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:17,060 <i>В Саус парк ты приезжаешь</i>
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,720 <i>и печали забываешь.</i>
00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:20,460 <i>Стоит только выйти в свет,</i>
00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:22,190 <i>все кричат: «Привет, сосед!»</i>
00:00:22,240 --> 00:00:23,640 <i>В Саус Парке не печалься,</i>
00:00:23,730 --> 00:00:25,640 <i>отдыхай и расслабляйся.</i>
00:00:28,670 --> 00:00:30,060 <i>В Саус Парке ждут тебя</i>
00:00:30,090 --> 00:00:31,740 <i>мои верные друзья.</i>
00:00:31,770 --> 00:00:33,000 ЮЖНЫЙ ПАРК
00:00:34,010 --> 00:00:37,320 САУС ПАРК
00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:39,120 НАЧАЛЬНАЯ ШКОЛА САУС ПАРКА
00:01:31,090 --> 00:01:33,340 ДОМ ПРЕСТАРЕЛЫХ «ЦАРСТВО ТЕНЕЙ»
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:13,210 ПРИДОРОЖНЫЙ МОТЕЛЬ
00:04:57,500 --> 00:05:00,210 ДОМ ПРЕСТАРЕЛЫХ «ЦАРСТВО ТЕНЕЙ»
00:08:03,140 --> 00:08:05,440 ДОМ ПРЕСТАРЕЛЫХ «ЦАРСТВО ТЕНЕЙ»
00:08:20,890 --> 00:08:23,090 СООБЩЕСТВА «САУС ПАРК ОТСТОЙ»
00:08:23,210 --> 00:08:25,330 ВСТУПИЛО 756 000 ЧЕЛОВЕК
00:20:45,530 --> 00:20:49,230 ДОМ ПРЕСТАРЕЛЫХ «ЦАРСТВО ТЕНЕЙ»

00:00:01,090 --> 00:00:03,380 ПЕРСОНАЖИ И СОБЫТИЯ ВЫМЫШЛЕНЫ, ХОТЬ И НЕ ВСЕ ГОЛОСА ЗНАМЕНИТОСТЕЙ СЫМИТИРОВАНЫ... ПЛОХО
00:00:03,410 --> 00:00:05,420 В ПРОГРАММЕ СОДЕРЖИТСЯ ГРЯЗНАЯ РУГАНЬ НЕ РЕКОМЕНДУЕТСЯ К ПРОСМОТРУ НИКОМУ
00:00:08,790 --> 00:00:10,110 <i>Соберу я свой рюкзак</i>
00:00:10,190 --> 00:00:12,080 <i>и поеду в Саус Парк.</i>
00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:13,900 <i>Дружелюбный здесь народ,</i>
00:00:13,940 --> 00:00:15,600 <i>благочестие цветёт.</i>
00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:17,060 <i>В Саус парк ты приезжаешь</i>
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,720 <i>и печали забываешь.</i>
00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:20,460 <i>Стоит только выйти в свет,</i>
00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:22,190 <i>все кричат: «Привет, сосед!»</i>
00:00:22,240 --> 00:00:23,640 <i>В Саус Парке не печалься,</i>
00:00:23,730 --> 00:00:25,640 <i>отдыхай и расслабляйся.</i>
00:00:28,670 --> 00:00:30,060 <i>В Саус Парке ждут тебя</i>
00:00:30,090 --> 00:00:31,740 <i>мои верные друзья.</i>
00:00:31,770 --> 00:00:33,000 ЮЖНЫЙ ПАРК
00:00:34,010 --> 00:00:37,320 САУС ПАРК
00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:39,120 НАЧАЛЬНАЯ ШКОЛА САУС ПАРКА
00:00:48,370 --> 00:00:49,840 Как прошёл день, сын?
00:00:50,620 --> 00:00:51,540 Нормально.
00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:57,900 Стэн, понимаю, у тебя был тяжёлый месяц. Потому что у нас нет дома.
00:00:58,330 --> 00:00:59,660 Да, это отстой.
00:01:00,220 --> 00:01:02,710 Я пытаюсь найти работу, но её так мало.
00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:06,720 Правительство всё позакрывало, я не могу работать геологом.
00:01:06,910 --> 00:01:10,300 Сейчас сложный период, мы все скучаем по ферме.
00:01:10,420 --> 00:01:15,880 Не скучаю я по ферме, пап. Мы теперь живём в мотеле, это жесть как стыдно.
00:01:16,030 --> 00:01:18,050 Я как раз об этом, Стэн.
00:01:18,340 --> 00:01:21,060 Хорошая новость: мы переезжаем из мотеля.
00:01:21,460 --> 00:01:23,340 Правда? Мы будем жить в доме?
00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:26,560 Нет, дом мы себе позволить не можем. ...
00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:28,430 Мы поживём у дедушки.
00:01:29,550 --> 00:01:31,070 Чего? У дедушки?!
00:01:31,090 --> 00:01:33,340 ДОМ ПРЕСТАРЕЛЫХ «ЦАРСТВО ТЕНЕЙ»
00:01:34,430 --> 00:01:36,190 Да это полная херня!
00:01:36,270 --> 00:01:40,370 Сначала вы меня сюда скинули, а теперь ещё ко мне вселились?!
00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:41,870 А тут неплохо, да?
00:01:41,950 --> 00:01:45,710 Есть телек, микроволновка. А по четвергам проходит турнир по «Бинго!»
00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:47,790 Неужели вообще негде больше жить?
00:01:47,980 --> 00:01:51,630 Хватит. Ты будешь спать рядом с дедовым ведром для говна.
00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:55,250 Я не смогу тут жить! Это чистое издевательство!
00:01:55,370 --> 00:01:58,090 Я тоже самое сказал! Не помогло.
00:02:15,170 --> 00:02:20,080 Так, вот прямо здесь будут огромные золотые колонны, как вы и просили.
00:02:20,110 --> 00:02:21,470 О, да! Шикарно!
00:02:21,940 --> 00:02:25,280 А вон там мы вам сделаем роскошный танцпол.
00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:26,490 Идеально!
00:02:26,750 --> 00:02:28,270 Что, танцпол?
00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:32,130 Я думал, мы сносим восточное крыло, чтобы сделать детскую побольше!
00:02:33,410 --> 00:02:34,370 Чего?
00:02:34,530 --> 00:02:35,800 Детскую комнату!
00:02:35,820 --> 00:02:40,850 Ты говорил, что всё это для ребёнка, а не для твоих тупых вечеринок!
00:02:41,010 --> 00:02:42,520 Да расслабься, парень!
00:02:42,660 --> 00:02:45,100 Засунем ребёнка в угол ванной и всё.
00:02:45,140 --> 00:02:49,820 Обалдеть! То есть, у меня вообще нет права голоса в этой перестройке?!
00:02:49,900 --> 00:02:51,230 Господин Президент, сэр.
00:02:51,250 --> 00:02:54,210 Простите, что отвлёк, но есть срочный разговор.
00:02:54,270 --> 00:02:56,520 Вопрос национальной безопасности.
00:03:00,330 --> 00:03:03,440 Вы только не пугайтесь, господин Президент, но
00:03:03,730 --> 00:03:06,460 разведка доложила о том, что кто-то
00:03:06,650 --> 00:03:09,470 возможно хочет не допустить рождения малыша.
00:03:10,510 --> 00:03:11,150 Что?!
00:03:11,930 --> 00:03:12,650 Кто?
00:03:13,810 --> 00:03:15,870 Да расслабься, парень!
00:03:15,980 --> 00:03:18,000 Мы пока не знаем, кто, сэр.
00:03:18,350 --> 00:03:20,140 Но Пэм Бонди изучает этот вопрос.
00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:23,330 Да, сэр. Мы не допустим, чтобы кто-то навредил ребёнку
00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:26,380 или самому великому президенту в истории, сэр...
00:03:26,380 --> 00:03:27,220 Погоди, Пэм.
00:03:27,230 --> 00:03:29,200 - Для нас большая честь... - Пэм. Пэм, прости.
00:03:29,230 --> 00:03:31,400 Но у тебя на носу кусочек говна.
00:03:31,970 --> 00:03:32,840 Ой, правда?
00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:35,100 Я убрала?
00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:36,570 Нет, ещё осталось.
00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:40,610 Надо скорей узнать, кто хочет причинить вред нашему ребёнку!
00:03:40,830 --> 00:03:44,350 Ну, пока есть одна теория...
00:03:46,450 --> 00:03:50,910 Некоторые люди верят, что то, что мы разрушили восточное крыло,
00:03:51,370 --> 00:03:56,120 пробудило нечто вроде потерянного... духа.
00:03:57,650 --> 00:03:59,800 И что это за дух?
00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:04,200 Мстительный... дух.
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:13,210 ПРИДОРОЖНЫЙ МОТЕЛЬ
00:04:18,820 --> 00:04:22,060 Что вообще творится? Я должен был быть в Вашингтоне!
00:04:22,940 --> 00:04:25,620 Планы резко поменялись, Мистер Тиль.
00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:28,360 О нас заподозрили в Белом доме.
00:04:29,130 --> 00:04:31,650 Но как? Как они про нас узнали?
00:04:32,130 --> 00:04:36,180 Может, кто-то подслушал наш разговор. Дитя ещё с тобой?
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:39,870 Да, он со мной. Я дал ему кучу седативных.
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,800 Он будет спать ещё часов шесть-семь.
00:04:43,810 --> 00:04:44,970 Шесть-семь!
00:04:45,500 --> 00:04:47,380 Я не могу держать здесь его вечно!
00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:50,000 Просто ждём, пока всё уляжется.
00:04:51,290 --> 00:04:55,090 Тут одна говно-подлиза разнюхивает наши делишки.
00:04:57,500 --> 00:05:00,210 ДОМ ПРЕСТАРЕЛЫХ «ЦАРСТВО ТЕНЕЙ»
00:05:06,170 --> 00:05:06,750 Привет.
00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:08,530 Заходите.
00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:16,000 Только ни кому ни слова, что я тут живу.
00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:19,630 Стэн, тут нет ничего стыдного. У всех тяжёлые времена.
00:05:19,710 --> 00:05:21,520 Да, именно, я в курсе.
00:05:21,580 --> 00:05:24,340 А знаешь, в чегом беда? Никто ничего не делает.
00:05:24,420 --> 00:05:27,630 Сколько недель мы уже терпим одну херню за другой?
00:05:27,710 --> 00:05:31,900 Мне кажется, люди боятся признать, что Саус Парк стал отстой.
00:05:33,740 --> 00:05:34,890 Саус Парк отстой?
00:05:34,980 --> 00:05:36,900 Все знают, что Саус Парк стал отстой.
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:38,880 Из-за политической херотени!
00:05:39,550 --> 00:05:41,060 Мы в ней уже по уши!
00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:44,140 Раньше были приключения. Только мы, пацаны!
00:05:44,340 --> 00:05:46,800 А потом началась политическая дичь.
00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:48,510 Чёрт, а как же мы?!
00:05:48,570 --> 00:05:51,570 Кенни, я не слышал от тебя ни слова четыре месяца.
00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:53,850 А что говорить?
00:05:53,870 --> 00:05:56,680 Я про это и говорю! Мы не знаем, что сказать!
00:05:56,800 --> 00:06:00,510 Саус Парку конец. А поколение Альфа тупо сидит и наблюдает.
00:06:00,930 --> 00:06:01,820 Ты прав, чувак.
00:06:01,850 --> 00:06:02,530 Да!
00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:03,920 А что делать?
00:06:05,790 --> 00:06:07,180 Я знаю, что надо делать.
00:06:09,710 --> 00:06:12,320 Народ, вас же достало, что творится с городом?
00:06:12,530 --> 00:06:14,450 Нет ощущения, что всё летит к чёрту?
00:06:14,460 --> 00:06:17,920 Переходите по ссылке и вступайте в группу «Саус Парк отстой».
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:20,890 Наверняка вас эта хрень тоже достала, как и нас!
00:06:20,910 --> 00:06:22,220 Саус Парк отстой!
00:06:22,260 --> 00:06:25,870 Ставьте лайки, подписывайтесь, жмите на кнопку, ставьте классы.
00:06:25,890 --> 00:06:28,430 Только вместе мы сможем всё изменить!
00:06:34,570 --> 00:06:37,040 Господин Президент, вы главное не переживайте.
00:06:37,380 --> 00:06:40,420 Расскажите, что, по вашему мнению, вы видели.
00:06:41,900 --> 00:06:45,930 С тех пор, как я снёс восточное крыло, есть кое-что.
00:06:46,260 --> 00:06:48,580 Оно часто... появляется.
00:06:49,390 --> 00:06:51,760 И что это за «кое-что»?
00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:55,650 Иногда я вижу это в зеркале. Или в коридоре.
00:06:55,850 --> 00:06:58,010 Президент Трамп, вы потрясающая личность.
00:06:58,490 --> 00:07:00,360 Мы обязательно вам поможем.
00:07:00,610 --> 00:07:02,770 Пэм. Пэм, у тебя опять говно на носу .
00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:03,870 Опять?
00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:09,120 Господин Президент, сколько уже раз появлялось это кое-что?
00:07:09,380 --> 00:07:11,870 Стало всё чаще и чаще.
00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:15,230 Я не могу скрыться, оно словно ходит за мной.
00:07:16,290 --> 00:07:18,700 Оно здесь прямо сейчас.
00:07:18,910 --> 00:07:20,220 Там, в углу.
00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:26,840 Вроде как это ваша жена, сэр.
00:07:27,980 --> 00:07:28,720 Моя жена?
00:07:29,770 --> 00:07:31,220 Чего оно хочет?
00:07:34,170 --> 00:07:36,620 Может, оно хочет с вами пообщаться.
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,930 Только не бойтесь, мы вас защитим.
00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:42,780 Пэм Бонди! Она пропала!
00:07:42,820 --> 00:07:44,380 Она только что сидела здесь!
00:07:44,540 --> 00:07:45,620 - Пэм? - Пэм?
00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:46,850 Где Пэм Бонди?
00:07:47,230 --> 00:07:48,400 Я же здесь, сэр!
00:07:49,130 --> 00:07:50,060 Опять оно!
00:07:50,290 --> 00:07:51,030 Что такое?
00:07:51,050 --> 00:07:52,690 У тебя опять говно на носу!
00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:55,200 Да боже мой! Откуда оно берётся?!
00:07:55,470 --> 00:07:57,080 Оно опять куда-то пропало!
00:08:03,140 --> 00:08:05,440 ДОМ ПРЕСТАРЕЛЫХ «ЦАРСТВО ТЕНЕЙ»
00:08:09,020 --> 00:08:11,780 Доброе утро, старички! Сейчас 6:30 утра!
00:08:11,820 --> 00:08:14,300 Просыпайтесь и принимайте утренние лекарства!
00:08:14,330 --> 00:08:16,160 Вашу мать, пол седьмого?
00:08:16,290 --> 00:08:18,210 Ага, полная жесть, правда?
00:08:20,890 --> 00:08:23,090 СООБЩЕСТВА «САУС ПАРК ОТСТОЙ»
00:08:23,210 --> 00:08:25,330 ВСТУПИЛО 756 000 ЧЕЛОВЕК
00:08:26,510 --> 00:08:27,470 Ну охренеть!
00:08:28,020 --> 00:08:28,650 Чего?
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:30,260 Просто охренеть!
00:08:30,750 --> 00:08:33,620 765 000 лайков, пацаны!
00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:35,550 Мы огромную онлайн-толпу собрали!
00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:38,080 Ого, не знал, что столько с нами согласны!
00:08:38,190 --> 00:08:41,400 Я думал, человек пятьдесят из школы будет. Обалдеть!
00:08:41,490 --> 00:08:44,130 Мы привлеки внимание, что будем делать дальше?
00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:47,680 В смысле что, чел? Пришло время второй фазы.
00:08:50,220 --> 00:08:52,420 Друзья мои, если вы зашли сюда,
00:08:52,430 --> 00:08:56,920 значит вы сыты по горло тем, что творится с нашим городом.
00:08:57,050 --> 00:08:59,270 Мы все жаждем перемен в обществе.
00:08:59,570 --> 00:09:03,610 Теперь у вас есть шанс заявить о своей позиции.
00:09:03,730 --> 00:09:07,760 Представляю вам криптовалюту ««СаусПаркОтстой»»!
00:09:07,820 --> 00:09:11,680 Мем-токен, с которым вы станете частью растущего сообщества!
00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:15,000 До политики наш город был просто замечательным!
00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:18,290 Покупайте наш мемкоин по невероятно низкой цене.
00:09:18,420 --> 00:09:21,680 Всего 9.95, но он может скакнуть в разы!
00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:23,080 Чего? Мемкоин?
00:09:23,140 --> 00:09:24,570 Хотите перемен?
00:09:24,780 --> 00:09:27,560 Тогда покупайте коин на сауспаркотстой.com.
00:09:27,750 --> 00:09:30,120 Стэн Марш не финансовый советник и не работает в финучреждении.
00:09:30,140 --> 00:09:32,700 Цифровые активы высоко волатильны и сопряжены с риском, включая потерю всех средств.
00:09:32,750 --> 00:09:34,470 Владение «СаусПаркОтстой»-коином не предоставляет право на капитал,
00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:36,080 долю прибыли или право собственности на платформу или проект.
00:09:36,100 --> 00:09:37,930 Участие добровольно и должно осуществляется только лицами,
00:09:37,940 --> 00:09:39,570 которые понимают риски, связанные с блокчейном.
00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:42,020 «СаусПаркОтстой»-коин не регулируется ЦБ или другим финучреждением.
00:09:42,030 --> 00:09:43,590 Ознакомьтесь с информацией и обратитесь к финансовому консультанту,
00:09:43,590 --> 00:09:44,770 прежде чем совершать операции с цифровыми активами.
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:38,410 Сука!
00:10:38,570 --> 00:10:39,210 Чёрт!
00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:40,170 Что?
00:10:40,350 --> 00:10:41,810 Там Женщина в шляпе!
00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:44,250 Я тебя не понимаю.
00:10:44,300 --> 00:10:45,360 Женщина в шляпе!
00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:47,620 Она, сука, в моём туалете!
00:10:50,500 --> 00:10:52,070 Мы дважды всё проверили, сэр.
00:10:52,130 --> 00:10:55,490 Все двери наружу заперты. И окна никто не взламывал.
00:10:55,620 --> 00:10:58,460 А президент говорит, что он что-то видел.
00:10:58,710 --> 00:11:00,000 Как он себя чувствует?
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:01,150 Ещё в шоке.
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:04,490 Пэм Бонди там успокаивает его и делает приятно.
00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:07,160 Пэм?
00:11:08,610 --> 00:11:09,780 Господи боже!
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:19,560 Стэн, что мы делаем?
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:22,360 В смысле? Хотим всё поменять.
00:11:23,070 --> 00:11:24,680 Торгуя криптовалютой?
00:11:25,210 --> 00:11:29,100 Мы обсуждаем проблемы города и зарабатываем. Что такого?
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:30,360 Ага, чего плохого?
00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:33,720 Приходится, Кайл. Мне девять, а я живу в доме престарелых.
00:11:33,980 --> 00:11:38,400 Реально думаешь, что крипта поможет? Ты понимаешь, как всё работает?
00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:43,070 У нас есть компетентный советник по крипте. Твой кузен с запада.
00:11:43,930 --> 00:11:44,960 Мой кузен?!
00:11:45,540 --> 00:11:47,300 Я вернулся!
00:11:47,690 --> 00:11:50,340 У вашего коина неплохой прирост, парни.
00:11:50,370 --> 00:11:51,800 Предпродажи огонь!
00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:54,520 Уже сто штук подняли даже до лока ликвидности.
00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:55,980 Отличная динамика роста!
00:11:56,210 --> 00:11:58,160 И нам ничего платить не надо?
00:11:58,380 --> 00:12:01,860 Ничего. Вы создатели коина, вы собираете прибыль.
00:12:02,250 --> 00:12:03,300 Я же говорил.
00:12:03,370 --> 00:12:04,720 Просто обалденно!
00:12:04,730 --> 00:12:07,960 Надо поддержать шумиху вокруг «СаусПаркОтстой»-коина.
00:12:08,010 --> 00:12:11,810 Чтобы разогнать у людей страх упущенной выгоды ещё больше!
00:12:12,140 --> 00:12:15,810 Пацаны, всё ведь не ради коина, всё это ради людей!
00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:17,060 Неплохо звучит.
00:12:17,250 --> 00:12:18,340 Да, идеально.
00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:20,170 «Это не ради коина — всё ради людей».
00:12:20,390 --> 00:12:22,330 Смекалистый вышел лозунг, ага.
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:25,980 А когда можно деньги забрать? Они мне срочно нужны.
00:12:26,290 --> 00:12:28,890 Устроим классический слив через пару дней.
00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:32,640 Когда качнём до максимума, я зарегаю MSB через Правительство.
00:12:32,970 --> 00:12:34,940 Что? Правительство? Как-то сложно.
00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:36,620 Да нет, всё просто.
00:12:36,660 --> 00:12:38,900 Криптокоррупция в Белом доме цветёт.
00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:42,110 Мы нагреем на бабки кучу народу, будет супер!
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:55,760 Дааа?
00:12:56,270 --> 00:12:59,040 Здрасьте, мы исследуем паранормальщину.
00:12:59,100 --> 00:13:02,740 Нас пригласили по поводу таинственной Женщины в шляпе.
00:13:04,050 --> 00:13:06,880 А я... Стивен Миллер.
00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:11,680 Советник президента США по внутренней безопасности и иммиграции.
00:13:14,420 --> 00:13:16,620 Прошу вас, входите.
00:13:22,410 --> 00:13:24,070 Господи, просто невероятно!
00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:28,360 Субъект оставляет некое вязкое вещество у неё на носу.
00:13:28,990 --> 00:13:30,460 И что это за херня?!
00:13:30,660 --> 00:13:34,530 Иногда бывает, что духовная энергия проявляет себя физически.
00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:37,450 Это как мост между миром духов и нашим.
00:13:37,580 --> 00:13:41,500 В вашем случае, она проявляется в виде некой... ректоплазмы.
00:13:41,980 --> 00:13:43,070 Ректоплазма?
00:13:43,380 --> 00:13:44,790 Из чего она состоит?
00:13:44,980 --> 00:13:46,010 Умопомрачительно!
00:13:46,100 --> 00:13:49,850 Ректоплазма на 54% — сэндвич филе-о-фиш!
00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:53,310 Охренеть! Я ел такой сэндвич вчера вечером!
00:13:53,380 --> 00:13:54,280 Господи...
00:13:54,430 --> 00:13:57,530 А ещё в ней 28% Taco Bell.
00:13:57,860 --> 00:14:01,360 Господи боже! Я ел Taco Bell сегодня утром!
00:14:01,380 --> 00:14:02,480 Что всё это значит?
00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:06,190 А ещё в ней 14%... её же кончи!
00:14:06,580 --> 00:14:08,700 Вашу мать! Я ж съел...
00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:13,510 Эм... Ай-яй-яй! Ой!
00:14:13,870 --> 00:14:16,100 Так! Пэм! Разберись с ними!
00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:21,250 Это суперэкстренный выпуск Fox News!
00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:23,580 Двоих исследователей паранормальщины
00:14:23,580 --> 00:14:26,820 федеральный суд обвинил в фальсификации данных!
00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:29,000 Президент сказал, что плохие люди
00:14:29,020 --> 00:14:32,200 манипулировали отчётами для создания фейковых новостей.
00:14:32,510 --> 00:14:36,080 Обвинение вынесла генеральный прокурор Пэм Бонди.
00:14:36,150 --> 00:14:41,150 Цитата: «Президент просто потрясающий человек, даже если он ест собственное семя».
00:14:41,220 --> 00:14:45,200 К другим новостям. Многие говорят, что Саус Парк отстой.
00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:49,940 Городок в горах Колорадо стал горячей точкой политических дебатов.
00:14:49,980 --> 00:14:54,280 Трое местных парней из поколения Альфа поклялись положить этому конец.
00:14:55,390 --> 00:14:56,490 Так, растём.
00:14:56,900 --> 00:14:58,030 Летим на луну...
00:14:58,950 --> 00:15:01,810 Всё, хорош! Нам уже хватит. Можно сливать.
00:15:02,690 --> 00:15:03,970 Да, всё ровно.
00:15:04,330 --> 00:15:06,100 Я еду на поезде Acela.
00:15:06,140 --> 00:15:08,970 Буду на месте в 18:30, встречусь с Доном-младшим.
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:11,960 Получу одобрение Белого дома, и можно сливать.
00:15:11,980 --> 00:15:12,840 Всё, я пас.
00:15:13,220 --> 00:15:13,840 Кайл?
00:15:15,510 --> 00:15:16,380 Кайл, стой!
00:15:17,850 --> 00:15:20,600 Чел, не уходи! Ты знаешь, сколько мы срубим?!
00:15:20,870 --> 00:15:23,300 Я думал тебя достала эта херня, Стэн.
00:15:23,470 --> 00:15:24,170 Достала!
00:15:24,450 --> 00:15:28,070 А какого ты тогда хочешь слить коин в сговоре с Правительством?
00:15:28,370 --> 00:15:30,580 Бро, мир теперь такой. Угомонись!
00:15:30,860 --> 00:15:33,660 Мы хотя бы ведём себя по-взрослому и что-то контролируем!
00:15:33,690 --> 00:15:35,720 Кенни наконец-то что-то делает!
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:36,960 Ага, я что-то делаю!
00:15:37,340 --> 00:15:39,700 Хреново жить в доме престарелых, Стэн.
00:15:39,790 --> 00:15:42,630 Но ничего не изменится, если думать только о себе.
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:06,690 Дааа?
00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:10,960 Я представляю криптовалюту «СаусПаркОтстой».
00:16:10,990 --> 00:16:14,250 Мы пытаемся нагреть людей на бабки. Трамп-младший дома?
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:17,490 Да, точно, он вас уже ожидает.
00:16:17,940 --> 00:16:19,790 Прошу, входите.
00:16:26,030 --> 00:16:28,100 Боже, какие у вас тут сквозняки.
00:16:28,170 --> 00:16:30,670 Простите за эти неудобства.
00:16:30,940 --> 00:16:34,440 Хозяин снёс восточное крыло и пробудил силы зла.
00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:40,790 Боже, это же мумия!
00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:46,380 Нет, это Председатель ФКС. Он просто лишился свободы слова.
00:16:48,290 --> 00:16:49,030 Идёмте.
00:16:49,250 --> 00:16:52,580 Дон-младший... ждёт вас там.
00:16:58,300 --> 00:17:00,520 Спасибо за эту встречу, Дон-младший.
00:17:00,530 --> 00:17:04,560 У нас очень вкачанная криптовалюта, нужна ваша помощь со сливом.
00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:09,090 Я очень заинтересован. Потому что я просто обожаю большие криптосливы.
00:17:09,290 --> 00:17:13,080 Простите, что я так поздно, но каждая минута важна.
00:17:15,390 --> 00:17:18,290 Нужно, чтобы все собрались в столовой.
00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:19,570 Это срочно.
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:22,510 Что? В столовой? Зачем?
00:17:22,780 --> 00:17:25,070 Мы будем проводить особый сеанс.
00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:28,000 Пришла пора пообщаться с этим духом.
00:17:29,460 --> 00:17:31,630 С кем? С духом? С каким духом?
00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:38,300 Ну чего? Цена крипты падает!
00:17:38,370 --> 00:17:41,080 Я вижу, что она падает! Чего он там делает?!
00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:42,200 Не отвечает?
00:17:42,450 --> 00:17:44,760 Вы звоните в бюро «Качай и Сливай».
00:17:44,890 --> 00:17:47,970 Мы поможем вам нагревать людей. Оставьте сообщение.
00:17:48,970 --> 00:17:50,260 Да чего нахер такое?!
00:17:50,290 --> 00:17:53,090 Цена токена была на пике, она падает!
00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:55,860 Нам срочно нужно одобрение Белого дома!
00:17:56,190 --> 00:17:57,170 Вот сука!
00:17:57,250 --> 00:17:59,320 А нельзя без одобрения?
00:17:59,390 --> 00:18:01,870 Я не знаю, Кенни! Заткнись ты уже!
00:18:07,390 --> 00:18:09,260 Господи, как-то жутковато. ...
00:18:09,850 --> 00:18:12,110 Мы будем ужинать? У меня аллергия на молочку.
00:18:12,670 --> 00:18:15,290 Прошу всех положить ладони на стол.
00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:22,670 Я обращаюсь к сущности, что обитает в этом доме.
00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:27,080 Можем быстро обсудить дела? Мне очень срочно надо.
00:18:27,860 --> 00:18:29,610 Мы знаем, тебе грустно.
00:18:30,260 --> 00:18:32,700 И знаем, что тебе... одиноко.
00:18:33,460 --> 00:18:37,160 Но мы очень просим тебя оставить Президента в покое.
00:18:39,970 --> 00:18:42,490 Господи, это прям реально страшно.
00:18:42,530 --> 00:18:44,930 Президент чудесный человек!
00:18:45,210 --> 00:18:48,540 Он не заслуживает таких пыток!
00:18:48,810 --> 00:18:50,010 Пэм! Пэм!
00:18:52,690 --> 00:18:54,740 О, беспокойный дух!
00:18:54,950 --> 00:18:58,050 Мы лишь хотим с тобой поговорить!
00:19:00,630 --> 00:19:02,700 Охренеть! Вон она! Прям там!
00:19:02,950 --> 00:19:03,930 Что это такое?
00:19:05,870 --> 00:19:07,740 Притворство!
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:10,740 Притворствооо!
00:19:10,980 --> 00:19:13,000 Босс, может прекратить всё это?
00:19:13,310 --> 00:19:15,310 Нет, я хочу услышать, что оно скажет!
00:19:17,380 --> 00:19:19,670 Эээпштейн!!!
00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:21,530 Хотя нет, всё, заканчиваем.
00:19:21,940 --> 00:19:23,100 Ты!
00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:27,070 Что?.. Ты?
00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:27,970 Что он сделал?
00:19:28,180 --> 00:19:30,750 Он лжёёёт!
00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:32,910 Ах ты сука тупая!
00:19:33,060 --> 00:19:35,170 Коррупция!
00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:36,810 Да не одержима она!
00:19:36,830 --> 00:19:39,710 Сраная Пэм Бонди просто хочет на мой пост!
00:19:42,020 --> 00:19:43,490 Господи, как страшно!
00:19:43,580 --> 00:19:44,670 Лооожь!
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:48,050 Всё, я пошёл отсюда!/
00:19:50,420 --> 00:19:51,210 Господи!
00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:55,950 Ну ладно, хватит! Это правда!
00:19:56,870 --> 00:19:59,280 Мы врём людям и обманываем их!
00:19:59,500 --> 00:20:02,840 Мы невероятно нажились на крипте! Господи боже!
00:20:03,180 --> 00:20:04,700 Мы врали, жульничали!
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:07,630 Крипта — это отмыв денег, чтобы богатые богатели!
00:20:07,630 --> 00:20:09,340 Умоляю, не преследуй нас!
00:20:09,430 --> 00:20:12,290 Мы просим прощения! Мы все раскаиваемся!
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,960 Вы смотрите Fox News!
00:20:18,140 --> 00:20:19,410 Америка!
00:20:19,830 --> 00:20:25,570 Огромная криптосхема была раскрыта в Белом доме. И вот кто её организатор.
00:20:25,790 --> 00:20:28,720 Мстительный дух, который объявился в восточном крыле,
00:20:28,730 --> 00:20:31,160 раскрыл предателя на сеансе прошлой ночью.
00:20:31,170 --> 00:20:35,010 Этот человек сядет на десять лет за крупное мошенничество.
00:20:35,050 --> 00:20:39,010 Обвинительный приговор опять, само собой, вынесла Пэм Бонди.
00:20:39,100 --> 00:20:45,500 Цитата: «Мы и дальше продолжим сажать всех, кто скажет хоть что-то плохое о нашем президенте».
00:20:45,530 --> 00:20:49,230 ДОМ ПРЕСТАРЕЛЫХ «ЦАРСТВО ТЕНЕЙ»
00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:51,690 Прости, Кайл. Зря я тебя не послушал.
00:20:54,510 --> 00:20:58,730 Видимо, невозможно вернуться к тому, как было раньше.
00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:01,710 Всё вернётся, Стэн.
00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:05,440 Сейчас в это трудно поверить, но всё станет нормальным.
00:21:06,110 --> 00:21:09,860 А пока... надо выжимать максимум из того, что есть.
00:21:14,340 --> 00:21:17,170 Дорогие старички, давайте потанцуем.
00:21:21,950 --> 00:21:24,560 Ой, как здорово, старички! Класс!
00:21:35,220 --> 00:21:41,950 Переведено студией HDrezka Studio.

00:00:09,270 --> 00:00:10,487 <i>♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:10,488 --> 00:00:12,446 <i>♪ Gonna have myself a time</i>
00:00:12,447 --> 00:00:13,883 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:13,970 --> 00:00:15,754 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:15,885 --> 00:00:16,973 <i>♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:17,104 --> 00:00:18,930 <i>♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪</i>
00:00:18,931 --> 00:00:20,672 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,759 --> 00:00:22,457 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor" ♪
00:00:22,544 --> 00:00:23,675 <i>♪ I'm headin' on down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:23,762 --> 00:00:25,808 <i>♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪</i>
00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:30,333 <i>♪ Come on down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:30,334 --> 00:00:32,119 <i>♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪</i>
00:00:48,309 --> 00:00:50,528 How was school today, bud?
00:00:50,659 --> 00:00:53,400 It was fine.
00:00:53,401 --> 00:00:55,967 Look, Stan, I know it's been really hard for you
00:00:55,968 --> 00:00:57,927 the past month, with us not having a home.
00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,929 Yeah, it sucks.
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,496 I've tried to find work,
00:01:01,583 --> 00:01:02,975 but there's just not a lot out there.
00:01:03,106 --> 00:01:04,325 And with the government shutdown,
00:01:04,455 --> 00:01:07,196 I can't get my job back with the USGS.
00:01:07,197 --> 00:01:10,504 Times are hard, and I know we all miss Tegridy.
00:01:10,505 --> 00:01:12,419 I don't miss Tegridy, Dad.
00:01:12,420 --> 00:01:14,552 I just hate that our family is living in a motel.
00:01:14,683 --> 00:01:16,163 It's really embarrassing.
00:01:16,250 --> 00:01:18,425 Well, that's what I need to tell you, Stan.
00:01:18,426 --> 00:01:21,384 There's some good news-- we're moving out of the motel.
00:01:21,385 --> 00:01:24,170 Wait, really? We can live in a house again?
00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:26,738 Well, no, we can't afford a house, so...
00:01:26,825 --> 00:01:29,089 we're moving in with your grandpa.
00:01:29,176 --> 00:01:31,352 Moving in with Grandpa?
00:01:34,529 --> 00:01:36,313 This is a bunch of bull crap!
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,358 First you stick me in this place,
00:01:38,359 --> 00:01:40,404 and then you all come along?
00:01:40,535 --> 00:01:41,927 Pretty nice, huh, guys?
00:01:42,058 --> 00:01:43,842 There's a TV, a microwave,
00:01:43,973 --> 00:01:46,017 and we have Bingo on Thursdays.
00:01:46,018 --> 00:01:47,889 There has to be somewhere else we can live.
00:01:47,890 --> 00:01:49,500 Come on, Stan.
00:01:49,631 --> 00:01:51,981 You have that space over there by Grandpa's shit pan.
00:01:52,068 --> 00:01:53,590 You can't make me stay here.
00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:55,158 This is completely inhumane.
00:01:55,289 --> 00:01:56,768 That's what I said!
00:01:56,899 --> 00:01:58,900 Didn't work.
00:02:15,265 --> 00:02:17,789 OK, so then over here is where you're gonna have
00:02:17,876 --> 00:02:20,182 the big golden pillars that you guys wanted.
00:02:20,183 --> 00:02:21,576 Ah, yeah! That's great!
00:02:21,663 --> 00:02:23,359 OK, and then right over here
00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:25,232 is where we're gonna put your dance floor.
00:02:25,362 --> 00:02:26,581 All right!
00:02:26,668 --> 00:02:28,452 Wait, dance floor?
00:02:28,539 --> 00:02:30,585 I thought we were knocking the East Wing down
00:02:30,672 --> 00:02:33,370 to make room for the nursery.
00:02:33,457 --> 00:02:36,024 - The what? - The nursery!
00:02:36,025 --> 00:02:38,505 You said all this remodeling was for the baby,
00:02:38,506 --> 00:02:40,942 not to make room for more of your stupid parties.
00:02:40,943 --> 00:02:43,031 Hey, relax, guy!
00:02:43,032 --> 00:02:45,468 We can just stick the baby in the bathroom or something.
00:02:45,469 --> 00:02:49,994 Wow! OK, so obviously I have no say in this remodel.
00:02:49,995 --> 00:02:51,562 Mr. President, sir.
00:02:51,693 --> 00:02:54,435 I'm very sorry, but we need to speak with you urgently.
00:02:54,565 --> 00:02:56,393 It's a matter of national security.
00:03:00,092 --> 00:03:03,052 We don't want to frighten you, Mr. President,
00:03:03,139 --> 00:03:05,707 but we've received intelligence
00:03:05,794 --> 00:03:10,624 that someone might be trying to stop your baby from being born.
00:03:10,625 --> 00:03:11,756 What?
00:03:11,843 --> 00:03:13,715 Who?
00:03:13,845 --> 00:03:16,107 Hey! Relax, guy!
00:03:16,108 --> 00:03:17,936 We don't know who yet, sir,
00:03:18,067 --> 00:03:20,374 but Pam Bondi has been looking into it.
00:03:20,504 --> 00:03:22,766 That's right, sir, we won't let any harm
00:03:22,767 --> 00:03:25,682 come to the baby of the greatest president that ever lived.
00:03:25,683 --> 00:03:27,337 You are without equal, sir-- - Uh, hey, Pam.
00:03:27,468 --> 00:03:29,338 And we are honored to be-- Pam. Pam, sorry.
00:03:29,339 --> 00:03:31,428 You got a little shit on your nose there.
00:03:31,515 --> 00:03:34,256 Oh, do I?
00:03:34,257 --> 00:03:35,215 Did I get it?
00:03:35,302 --> 00:03:36,738 No, it's still there.
00:03:36,868 --> 00:03:39,001 If someone is trying to harm the baby,
00:03:39,088 --> 00:03:40,871 then we must know who.
00:03:40,872 --> 00:03:44,224 Well, there is... one theory.
00:03:46,878 --> 00:03:51,360 Some people believe that by demolishing the East Wing,
00:03:51,361 --> 00:03:56,496 we may have unleashed some sort of... wrath.
00:03:57,759 --> 00:04:00,718 What kind of wrath?
00:04:00,849 --> 00:04:03,025 Vengeful...
00:04:03,112 --> 00:04:04,287 wrath.
00:04:18,780 --> 00:04:20,520 What the hell is going on?
00:04:20,521 --> 00:04:23,131 I was supposed to be in Washington.
00:04:23,132 --> 00:04:25,787 There has been a change in plan, Mr. Thiel.
00:04:25,917 --> 00:04:28,920 They are on to us at the White House.
00:04:29,051 --> 00:04:30,312 But how?
00:04:30,313 --> 00:04:32,401 How did they find out?
00:04:32,402 --> 00:04:34,361 Someone must have heard us talking.
00:04:34,491 --> 00:04:36,753 Do you still have the child?
00:04:36,754 --> 00:04:38,146 Yes, he's here.
00:04:38,147 --> 00:04:40,366 I have him heavily sedated.
00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:42,934 It should last another six, seven hours.
00:04:44,153 --> 00:04:45,502 Six, seven!
00:04:45,589 --> 00:04:47,591 But I can't keep him here forever.
00:04:47,722 --> 00:04:51,420 You'll just have to wait until it is safe.
00:04:51,421 --> 00:04:54,859 I think some brownnoser here is after my job.
00:05:06,088 --> 00:05:07,350 Hey.
00:05:07,481 --> 00:05:09,309 Come on in.
00:05:13,617 --> 00:05:16,228 You guys can't tell anybody that I'm living here.
00:05:16,359 --> 00:05:18,229 Stan, you shouldn't be embarrassed, all right?
00:05:18,230 --> 00:05:19,797 Everyone's having a hard time right now.
00:05:19,928 --> 00:05:21,538 Yeah, everyone's having a hard time.
00:05:21,625 --> 00:05:22,973 And you know what the problem is?
00:05:22,974 --> 00:05:24,367 Nobody's doing anything about it.
00:05:24,498 --> 00:05:25,759 How many weeks has it been now,
00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:28,065 dealing with one stupid thing after another?
00:05:28,066 --> 00:05:30,590 The truth is, I think a lot of people are just afraid to admit
00:05:30,591 --> 00:05:33,767 that South Park sucks now.
00:05:33,768 --> 00:05:35,246 South Park sucks now?
00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:37,248 Yeah, everyone knows it. South Park sucks now.
00:05:37,249 --> 00:05:39,207 And it's because of all this political shit.
00:05:39,208 --> 00:05:41,253 We're just getting totally bogged down in it.
00:05:41,384 --> 00:05:42,994 Remember when we used to do stuff?
00:05:43,125 --> 00:05:44,474 Just us guys?
00:05:44,605 --> 00:05:45,910 Ever since all this political crap took over,
00:05:45,997 --> 00:05:47,607 it's like--what?
00:05:47,608 --> 00:05:49,000 Like--like what happened to us?
00:05:49,087 --> 00:05:50,566 Like, Kenny, I haven't even heard you say anything
00:05:50,567 --> 00:05:52,177 in, like, four months.
00:05:54,092 --> 00:05:55,224 You see? That's what I mean!
00:05:55,311 --> 00:05:56,921 We don't even know what to say.
00:05:57,052 --> 00:05:59,227 South Park's getting ruined, and all of us Gen Alpha kids
00:05:59,228 --> 00:06:00,664 are just sitting here, watching it happen.
00:06:00,795 --> 00:06:02,840 - You're right, dude. - Yeah!
00:06:02,971 --> 00:06:04,189 But what do we do?
00:06:05,887 --> 00:06:07,932 I know exactly what to do.
00:06:09,804 --> 00:06:11,239 Hey, guys, are you sick and tired
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:12,546 of what's happening to our town?
00:06:12,676 --> 00:06:14,808 Do you feel like it's broken and going nowhere?
00:06:14,809 --> 00:06:16,463 Then click below and join our online community
00:06:16,593 --> 00:06:18,072 at South Park Sucks Now.
00:06:18,073 --> 00:06:19,509 Things are clearly not right here,
00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,031 and if you're like us, you are fed up!
00:06:21,032 --> 00:06:22,512 South Park Sucks Now!
00:06:22,643 --> 00:06:24,819 So please, like and subscribe, smash the button, upvote--
00:06:24,906 --> 00:06:26,080 whatever the hell you need to do,
00:06:26,081 --> 00:06:29,171 because together, we can make a difference.
00:06:34,916 --> 00:06:37,266 Mr. President, we don't want you to be afraid.
00:06:37,353 --> 00:06:40,443 Tell us exactly what it is you think you saw.
00:06:42,227 --> 00:06:44,404 Ever since I tore down the East Wing, there's...
00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:46,187 this thing
00:06:46,188 --> 00:06:49,104 that keeps appearing.
00:06:49,234 --> 00:06:51,933 What kind of thing?
00:06:52,063 --> 00:06:54,195 Sometimes I see it in a mirror.
00:06:54,196 --> 00:06:56,111 Or in the hallway.
00:06:56,241 --> 00:06:58,286 President Trump, you are an incredible man.
00:06:58,287 --> 00:07:00,549 Whatever this is, we have your back.
00:07:00,550 --> 00:07:02,899 Uh, Pam. Pam, you got some shit on your nose again.
00:07:02,900 --> 00:07:04,858 Oh, really?
00:07:04,859 --> 00:07:07,469 Mr. President, this entity you speak of,
00:07:07,470 --> 00:07:09,298 how many times has it appeared?
00:07:09,385 --> 00:07:11,953 It appears more and more lately.
00:07:12,083 --> 00:07:13,649 I-I can't get away from it.
00:07:13,650 --> 00:07:14,956 It's everywhere I go.
00:07:16,610 --> 00:07:18,915 It's here right now.
00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:20,265 In the corner.
00:07:24,835 --> 00:07:27,882 I'm pretty sure that's your wife, sir.
00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:29,753 My wife?
00:07:29,884 --> 00:07:31,276 What does it want?
00:07:34,410 --> 00:07:36,933 Maybe it's somehow trying to communicate.
00:07:36,934 --> 00:07:39,110 Don't worry, we won't let anything happen to you.
00:07:39,197 --> 00:07:40,721 Ah! Where did Pam Bondi go?
00:07:40,851 --> 00:07:42,940 - What? - Pam Bondi! She's gone!
00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:44,464 But she was sitting right here!
00:07:44,551 --> 00:07:45,508 - Pam? - Pam?
00:07:45,639 --> 00:07:47,162 Where's Pam Bondi?
00:07:47,292 --> 00:07:48,642 I'm right here, sir!
00:07:48,772 --> 00:07:51,209 - Look, it's back. - What's back?
00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:52,906 You've got some shit on your nose again.
00:07:52,907 --> 00:07:55,561 Oh, my God! What is going on?
00:07:55,562 --> 00:07:57,085 That thing! It's not there anymore.
00:08:00,044 --> 00:08:01,437 Ah!
00:08:09,140 --> 00:08:10,271 <i>Good morning, seniors.</i>
00:08:10,272 --> 00:08:12,142 <i>It's 6:30 a.m.</i>
00:08:12,143 --> 00:08:14,276 <i>Rise and shine for your morning medication.</i>
00:08:14,363 --> 00:08:16,365 Ugh, God, 6:30?
00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:18,280 Yeah, it fucking sucks, doesn't it?
00:08:26,375 --> 00:08:27,767 Holy shit.
00:08:27,768 --> 00:08:28,812 What?
00:08:28,943 --> 00:08:30,552 Holy shit.
00:08:30,553 --> 00:08:33,687 756,000 likes, you guys.
00:08:33,817 --> 00:08:36,036 We just built a massive online community.
00:08:36,037 --> 00:08:38,387 Wow. I can't believe how many people agree with us.
00:08:38,474 --> 00:08:40,344 I thought we could get 50 or 60 kids from school to sign up,
00:08:40,345 --> 00:08:41,868 but this is incredible.
00:08:41,869 --> 00:08:43,217 All right, we've got everyone's attention.
00:08:43,218 --> 00:08:44,392 So what do we do now?
00:08:44,393 --> 00:08:46,220 What do you mean, dude? It's obvious.
00:08:46,221 --> 00:08:47,744 It's time for phase two.
00:08:50,399 --> 00:08:52,444 Hey, guys, if you've come here,
00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:54,620 then you're likely joining the chorus of voices
00:08:54,621 --> 00:08:57,014 that's fed up with the direction our town is going.
00:08:57,145 --> 00:08:59,626 We all want change in our community.
00:08:59,756 --> 00:09:01,540 And now there's an opportunity
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,846 to truly make your voices heard.
00:09:03,847 --> 00:09:08,025 Introducing the South Park Sucks Now cryptocurrency coin.
00:09:08,156 --> 00:09:10,026 <i>This digital meme token is your way to be a part</i>
00:09:10,027 --> 00:09:12,072 <i>of the fastest-growing community in America.</i>
00:09:12,073 --> 00:09:14,204 This used to be a great town before all the politics came
00:09:14,205 --> 00:09:15,466 and ruined it all.
00:09:15,467 --> 00:09:16,772 Get in on our crypto meme coin
00:09:16,773 --> 00:09:18,340 with this incredible presale offer.
00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:19,993 Each coin is just $9.95,
00:09:19,994 --> 00:09:21,604 but could be worth ten times that overnight!
00:09:21,735 --> 00:09:23,214 Wait, a meme coin?
00:09:23,301 --> 00:09:24,911 Do you want South Park to change?
00:09:24,912 --> 00:09:27,783 Then order your coin today at SouthParkSucksNow.com.
00:09:27,784 --> 00:09:29,002 Stan Marsh is not a financial advisor
00:09:29,003 --> 00:09:30,046 affiliated with any financial institution.
00:09:30,047 --> 00:09:31,004 Digital assets are highly volatile
00:09:31,005 --> 00:09:32,005 and may involve significant risk,
00:09:32,006 --> 00:09:33,094 including loss of all funds.
00:09:33,224 --> 00:09:34,660 Ownership of South Park Sucks Now Coin
00:09:34,661 --> 00:09:35,704 does not represent equity, profit sharing, or ownership
00:09:35,705 --> 00:09:37,141 of any company platform or project.
00:09:37,272 --> 00:09:38,272 Participation is voluntary and should only be undertaken
00:09:38,273 --> 00:09:39,230 by individuals who fully understand the risks
00:09:39,317 --> 00:09:40,492 associated with block chain assets.
00:09:40,623 --> 00:09:41,885 South Park Sucks Now Coin is not registered with
00:09:41,972 --> 00:09:43,321 or regulated by the SEC or any financial authority.
00:09:43,452 --> 00:09:44,758 Please review all disclosures and consult a licensed financial
00:09:44,888 --> 00:09:45,367 advisor before engaging in digital asset transactions.
00:10:35,373 --> 00:10:37,419 Ahh!
00:10:37,506 --> 00:10:38,637 Ah, fuck!
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,334 Fuck! - What?
00:10:40,335 --> 00:10:42,902 It's the Woman in the Hat!
00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:44,338 What are you talking about?
00:10:44,339 --> 00:10:45,514 The Woman in the Hat!
00:10:45,601 --> 00:10:47,908 She's in the fucking bathroom!
00:10:50,519 --> 00:10:52,302 We've double checked everything, sir.
00:10:52,303 --> 00:10:53,869 All the exterior doors are locked.
00:10:53,870 --> 00:10:55,654 No windows have been breached.
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,178 And yet the president swears
00:10:57,308 --> 00:10:58,700 something was in the room with him.
00:10:58,701 --> 00:11:00,136 Is he going to be all right?
00:11:00,137 --> 00:11:01,485 Pretty shaken.
00:11:01,486 --> 00:11:02,966 Pam Bondi is in there now
00:11:03,053 --> 00:11:04,533 trying to calm him down and make him feel better.
00:11:06,622 --> 00:11:08,449 Pam?
00:11:08,450 --> 00:11:09,885 Oh, my God!
00:11:17,633 --> 00:11:20,418 Stan, what are we doing?
00:11:20,549 --> 00:11:22,682 What do you mean, dude? We're trying to change things.
00:11:22,769 --> 00:11:25,205 By selling cryptocurrency?
00:11:25,206 --> 00:11:27,077 What's wrong with trying to make a little money
00:11:27,208 --> 00:11:29,339 while also pointing out the things wrong with our town?
00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:30,601 Yeah, what's wrong with that?
00:11:30,602 --> 00:11:31,865 I have to do something, Kyle.
00:11:31,995 --> 00:11:34,040 I'm nine years old and I live in a retirement home.
00:11:34,041 --> 00:11:36,346 And you really think crypto is your way out?
00:11:36,347 --> 00:11:38,784 Do you even know anything about how that stuff works?
00:11:38,785 --> 00:11:41,396 Well, actually, we have a really strong crypto advisor--
00:11:41,526 --> 00:11:43,746 your cousin on the east coast.
00:11:43,877 --> 00:11:45,486 My cousin?
00:11:45,487 --> 00:11:47,836 <i>I'm back!</i>
00:11:47,837 --> 00:11:49,404 <i>All right, looks like we've got a lot of movement</i>
00:11:49,534 --> 00:11:50,579 <i>on your coin, boys.</i>
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:52,450 The presale really popped.
00:11:52,537 --> 00:11:54,582 We cleared 100 grand in volume before liquidity even locked.
00:11:54,583 --> 00:11:56,193 The token's really got traction.
00:11:56,324 --> 00:11:58,456 And we don't ever have to pay anything, right?
00:11:58,587 --> 00:12:00,720 Nope, you never pay anything. You guys created the coin,
00:12:00,807 --> 00:12:01,938 so all you do is profit from it.
00:12:02,025 --> 00:12:03,331 See? I told you.
00:12:05,028 --> 00:12:06,247 Now we just need to keep creating hype
00:12:06,377 --> 00:12:08,249 around the South Park Sucks Now digital coin,
00:12:08,336 --> 00:12:10,207 so we need to come up with things to give people FOMO
00:12:10,338 --> 00:12:12,166 and make them ape even harder.
00:12:12,253 --> 00:12:14,168 You guys, this isn't about a coin.
00:12:14,255 --> 00:12:15,822 It's about a movement.
00:12:15,952 --> 00:12:17,171 Oh, that's really good.
00:12:17,258 --> 00:12:18,649 Yeah, yeah, that's perfect.
00:12:18,650 --> 00:12:20,261 "This isn't about a coin. It's about a movement."
00:12:20,391 --> 00:12:22,611 Yeah, that's some savvy Jew Jitsu right there.
00:12:22,698 --> 00:12:23,742 <i>So what kind of time frame are we looking at</i>
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:24,786 <i>to get our money?</i>
00:12:24,787 --> 00:12:26,223 <i>I need it as fast as possible.</i>
00:12:26,354 --> 00:12:27,964 Well, I think we're looking at a classic rug pull
00:12:28,051 --> 00:12:29,183 in just a few days.
00:12:29,270 --> 00:12:30,879 Once we pump the coin high as it'll go,
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:32,882 then I can register for an MSB with the federal government.
00:12:33,013 --> 00:12:35,058 The federal government? That sounds hard.
00:12:35,189 --> 00:12:36,843 Oh, no, it's gonna be easy.
00:12:36,930 --> 00:12:39,105 The crypto corruption at the White House is off the chain.
00:12:39,106 --> 00:12:40,584 We're gonna screw a lot of people out of their money, boys.
00:12:40,585 --> 00:12:42,326 It's gonna be fantastic.
00:12:53,990 --> 00:12:56,253 Yes?
00:12:56,384 --> 00:12:59,213 Uh, yes, we're paranormal investigators.
00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:00,779 We've been asked to come and investigate
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:03,870 the mysterious Woman in the Hat.
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:07,656 I am Stephen Miller,
00:13:07,743 --> 00:13:10,006 Senior Advisor to the President for Immigration
00:13:10,093 --> 00:13:11,616 and Domestic Policy.
00:13:14,402 --> 00:13:15,359 Won't you...
00:13:15,446 --> 00:13:17,971 come in?
00:13:22,758 --> 00:13:24,934 Oh, my God, it's incredible.
00:13:25,065 --> 00:13:28,503 Subject is showing some kind of viscous residue on her nose.
00:13:28,633 --> 00:13:30,679 Well, what the fuck is it?
00:13:30,766 --> 00:13:33,072 Sometimes there's a physical manifestation
00:13:33,073 --> 00:13:34,682 of spiritual energy--
00:13:34,683 --> 00:13:37,555 a bridge between the spiritual world and ours.
00:13:37,686 --> 00:13:41,646 In this case, it appears to be some kind of rectoplasm.
00:13:41,777 --> 00:13:43,473 Rectoplasm?
00:13:43,474 --> 00:13:44,911 What is it made of?
00:13:45,041 --> 00:13:46,520 It's unbelievable!
00:13:46,521 --> 00:13:49,872 The rectoplasm seems to be 54% Filet-O-Fish sandwich!
00:13:50,003 --> 00:13:51,307 Oh, my God!
00:13:51,308 --> 00:13:53,354 I ate a Filet-O-Fish sandwich last night!
00:13:53,484 --> 00:13:55,268 - Jesus! - And it's also...
00:13:55,269 --> 00:13:57,619 28% Taco Bell.
00:13:57,706 --> 00:13:59,142 Oh, my God!
00:13:59,273 --> 00:14:01,274 I ate Taco Bell this morning!
00:14:01,275 --> 00:14:02,710 What does it mean?
00:14:02,711 --> 00:14:06,714 And it's 14% its own cum.
00:14:06,715 --> 00:14:09,413 Oh, my God! I ate--
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:16,943 Hey! Pam! Deal with them!
00:14:17,030 --> 00:14:21,512 <i>This is a Fox News Super Alert!</i>
00:14:21,599 --> 00:14:24,297 Two paranormal investigators were indicted today
00:14:24,298 --> 00:14:27,430 on federal charges of falsifying data.
00:14:27,431 --> 00:14:30,130 The president said that the bad people manipulated readings
00:14:30,260 --> 00:14:32,783 and reports to make fake news.
00:14:32,784 --> 00:14:36,179 The charges were filed by Attorney General Pam Bondi,
00:14:36,266 --> 00:14:38,747 who said that "the President is a great man,
00:14:38,834 --> 00:14:40,923 even if he does eat his own semen."
00:14:41,054 --> 00:14:42,403 In other news,
00:14:42,533 --> 00:14:45,145 many people are saying that South Park sucks now.
00:14:45,275 --> 00:14:47,277 The small mountain town in Colorado
00:14:47,408 --> 00:14:50,149 has been a hotbed of political activity in recent weeks,
00:14:50,150 --> 00:14:51,891 and three local Gen Alpha boys
00:14:51,978 --> 00:14:54,284 are vowing to put a stop to it.
00:14:55,329 --> 00:14:56,896 OK, we're mooning.
00:14:56,983 --> 00:14:58,592 We're mooning...
00:14:58,593 --> 00:15:00,029 All right, that's gotta be it.
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:01,943 OK, we're done mooning. I think we're ready to dump.
00:15:03,076 --> 00:15:04,120 OK, sounds good.
00:15:04,207 --> 00:15:06,382 I'm on the Acela train right now.
00:15:06,383 --> 00:15:09,169 I should be in DC by 6:30 to meet with Don Jr.
00:15:09,299 --> 00:15:10,431 <i>Once I get White House approval,</i>
00:15:10,561 --> 00:15:11,910 <i>we should be able to do the rug pull.</i>
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:15,001 - I'm out, dude. - Kyle?
00:15:15,131 --> 00:15:16,785 Kyle, wait!
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,395 Dude, you can't quit now.
00:15:19,396 --> 00:15:20,876 Do you know how much money we're about to make?
00:15:21,007 --> 00:15:23,617 I thought you were sick of the way South Park was going, Stan.
00:15:23,618 --> 00:15:25,446 - I am! - So then why are you trying
00:15:25,576 --> 00:15:26,795 to engineer a rug pull
00:15:26,882 --> 00:15:28,231 in conjunction with the federal government?
00:15:28,362 --> 00:15:30,755 Bro, it's the world we live in, OK?
00:15:30,886 --> 00:15:32,365 I mean, at least we're being men
00:15:32,366 --> 00:15:33,802 and taking some control.
00:15:33,889 --> 00:15:35,803 Look at Kenny, he--he's doing stuff now!
00:15:35,804 --> 00:15:37,240 Yeah, dude, I'm doing stuff!
00:15:37,327 --> 00:15:39,808 I know it sucks to be living in an old folks home, Stan,
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:40,940 but you can't fix things
00:15:41,027 --> 00:15:42,680 if you're only thinking about yourself.
00:16:05,355 --> 00:16:08,097 Yes?
00:16:08,228 --> 00:16:11,273 Uh, yes, I'm with the South Park Sucks Now cryptocurrency.
00:16:11,274 --> 00:16:12,754 We're trying to fuck a bunch of people out of their money.
00:16:12,841 --> 00:16:14,408 Is Don Jr. around?
00:16:14,495 --> 00:16:17,846 Ah, yes, he's been expecting you.
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,848 Do come in.
00:16:26,289 --> 00:16:28,421 Oh, Jesus, it's a little drafty in here.
00:16:28,422 --> 00:16:31,337 You'll have to excuse the conditions.
00:16:31,338 --> 00:16:34,515 The master has taken down the East Wing and unleashed a wrath.
00:16:39,389 --> 00:16:41,130 Oh, Jesus! It's a mummy!
00:16:41,261 --> 00:16:44,090 No, no, that's just the head of the FCC.
00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:46,482 He's lost his freedom of speech.
00:16:48,181 --> 00:16:53,272 Come. Don Jr. is... this way.
00:16:58,669 --> 00:17:00,758 Thanks so much for taking my meeting, Don Jr.
00:17:00,889 --> 00:17:02,716 We've got an incredible crypto opportunity here
00:17:02,717 --> 00:17:04,718 and we just need your help taking a big dump.
00:17:04,719 --> 00:17:06,199 That sounds really great.
00:17:06,329 --> 00:17:09,202 There's nothing I like better than a big crypto dump.
00:17:09,332 --> 00:17:11,333 So sorry I had to bug you this late in the evening,
00:17:11,334 --> 00:17:13,031 but time really is of the essence here.
00:17:15,643 --> 00:17:18,514 We need everyone to gather in the dining room.
00:17:18,515 --> 00:17:19,908 Immediately.
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:22,780 In the dining room? Why?
00:17:22,911 --> 00:17:25,260 We are going to have a séance.
00:17:25,261 --> 00:17:29,048 It's time to confront the spirit here.
00:17:29,135 --> 00:17:32,094 The--the spirit? What spirit?
00:17:38,535 --> 00:17:39,797 Yeah, I can see the price is going down.
00:17:39,928 --> 00:17:41,147 What the hell is he doing?
00:17:41,277 --> 00:17:42,539 He's not answering?
00:17:42,670 --> 00:17:43,540 <i>Hello, you've reached</i>
00:17:43,671 --> 00:17:44,976 <i>Pump and Dump Crypto Advisors.</i>
00:17:45,107 --> 00:17:46,934 <i>Let us know how we can help you fuck people over.</i>
00:17:46,935 --> 00:17:48,892 <i>Just leave a message.</i>
00:17:48,893 --> 00:17:50,634 Dude, what is going on?
00:17:50,765 --> 00:17:53,376 Our token's value totally peaked and it's starting to go down.
00:17:53,463 --> 00:17:54,812 Whatever approval you have to get at the White House,
00:17:54,943 --> 00:17:56,291 we need it now!
00:17:56,292 --> 00:17:57,336 God damn it!
00:17:59,513 --> 00:18:02,603 I don't know, Kenny, OK? Shut up already!
00:18:07,521 --> 00:18:09,565 Oh, Jesus, this is a little creepy.
00:18:09,566 --> 00:18:12,438 Are we having dinner? I'm allergic to dairy.
00:18:12,439 --> 00:18:15,310 Everyone, please put your hands on the table.
00:18:19,446 --> 00:18:23,406 I am speaking to the entity in this house.
00:18:23,537 --> 00:18:25,278 Is this a good time to talk turkey?
00:18:25,408 --> 00:18:27,628 I just need to go over some quick business.
00:18:27,758 --> 00:18:30,369 We know you are sad.
00:18:30,370 --> 00:18:32,981 We know you are... lonely.
00:18:33,068 --> 00:18:37,159 But we must ask you to leave our president alone.
00:18:40,031 --> 00:18:42,643 Oh, my God, this is really scary.
00:18:42,773 --> 00:18:45,211 The President is a great man,
00:18:45,298 --> 00:18:48,735 and he does not deserve to be tormented like this.
00:18:48,736 --> 00:18:50,563 Pam! Pam!
00:18:50,564 --> 00:18:52,566 Oh! Oh.
00:18:52,653 --> 00:18:54,872 Restless spirit,
00:18:55,003 --> 00:18:57,918 we only wish to communicate!
00:19:00,574 --> 00:19:02,750 Holy shit! She's right fucking there!
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:04,230 What is that?
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:11,018 Deception!
00:19:11,019 --> 00:19:13,326 Boss, maybe we should stop this.
00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:15,414 No! I wanna hear what it has to say.
00:19:17,417 --> 00:19:19,897 Epstein!
00:19:20,028 --> 00:19:21,594 Uh, no, no. You're right. Let's stop this.
00:19:21,595 --> 00:19:23,162 You!
00:19:25,729 --> 00:19:26,991 What? You?
00:19:27,122 --> 00:19:27,992 What did he do?
00:19:28,123 --> 00:19:30,821 He lies!
00:19:30,908 --> 00:19:32,954 Oh, you fucking bitch!
00:19:33,041 --> 00:19:35,435 Corruption!
00:19:35,565 --> 00:19:37,045 She's not possessed!
00:19:37,132 --> 00:19:39,961 Pam Bondi's trying to get my fucking job!
00:19:42,137 --> 00:19:43,616 Oh, I can't do this!
00:19:43,617 --> 00:19:44,705 Lies!
00:19:46,663 --> 00:19:48,056 I gotta get out of here!
00:19:49,492 --> 00:19:50,972 Oh, God!
00:19:51,059 --> 00:19:52,799 Oh!
00:19:53,888 --> 00:19:56,847 OK! OK! It's all true!
00:19:56,934 --> 00:19:59,589 We've been dealing in deception and lies!
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:01,852 We've all been getting filthy rich off of crypto!
00:20:01,983 --> 00:20:03,070 Oh, Jesus.
00:20:03,071 --> 00:20:04,942 We've lied and we've cheated.
00:20:05,073 --> 00:20:06,682 Crypto's just a giant money laundering scheme
00:20:06,683 --> 00:20:07,641 for the rich to get richer.
00:20:07,728 --> 00:20:09,424 Please don't haunt us anymore!
00:20:09,425 --> 00:20:10,686 We're sorry.
00:20:10,687 --> 00:20:13,647 We're all very sorry!
00:20:13,734 --> 00:20:16,867 <i>This is a Fox News!</i>
00:20:16,998 --> 00:20:19,914 <i>Agh! America!</i>
00:20:20,044 --> 00:20:23,351 A massive crypto fraud has been exposed at the White House,
00:20:23,352 --> 00:20:25,875 and the perpetrator has been indicted.
00:20:25,876 --> 00:20:28,531 A ghostly wrath that was unleashed in the East Wing
00:20:28,618 --> 00:20:31,317 exposed the traitor at a séance last night.
00:20:31,404 --> 00:20:35,363 The traitor is now behind bars and serving 10 years for fraud.
00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:38,933 Charges, of course, were once again filed by Pam Bondi,
00:20:39,063 --> 00:20:42,370 who said, "We will continue to indict anyone
00:20:42,371 --> 00:20:45,678 who says bad stuff about our amazing president."
00:20:49,770 --> 00:20:52,033 <i>I'm sorry, Kyle. I should have listened to you.</i>
00:20:54,862 --> 00:20:57,255 I guess there just no really going back
00:20:57,256 --> 00:21:00,258 to the way things used to be.
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:01,912 Things will get back, Stan.
00:21:01,999 --> 00:21:03,131 I know it's hard to see right now,
00:21:03,218 --> 00:21:06,134 but things will go back to normal.
00:21:06,221 --> 00:21:08,527 And in the meantime, we just have to make the most
00:21:08,528 --> 00:21:10,356 of where we are.
00:21:14,621 --> 00:21:17,318 All right, seniors, just move with the rhythm now.
00:21:18,799 --> 00:21:22,019 <i>♪ If I didn't care ♪</i>
00:21:22,150 --> 00:21:24,718 Good! Good, seniors. Nice!
00:21:24,805 --> 00:21:29,375 <i>♪ More than words can say ♪</i>
00:21:29,505 --> 00:21:34,554 <i>♪ If I didn't care ♪</i>
00:21:34,684 --> 00:21:39,949 <i>♪ Would I feel this way? ♪</i>
00:21:39,950 --> 00:21:46,086 <i>♪ If this isn't love, then why ♪</i>

00:00:05,614 --> 00:00:09,139 <i>[theme music]</i>
00:00:09,270 --> 00:00:10,487 <i>- ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:10,488 --> 00:00:12,446 <i>♪ Gonna have myself a time</i>
00:00:12,447 --> 00:00:13,883 - ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:13,970 --> 00:00:15,754 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:15,885 --> 00:00:16,973 <i>- ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:17,104 --> 00:00:18,930 <i>♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪</i>
00:00:18,931 --> 00:00:20,672 - ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,759 --> 00:00:22,457 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor" ♪
00:00:22,544 --> 00:00:23,675 <i>- ♪ I'm headin' on down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:23,762 --> 00:00:25,808 <i>♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪</i>
00:00:25,895 --> 00:00:29,115 - ♪ [mumbling] ♪
00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:30,333 <i>- ♪ Come on down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:30,334 --> 00:00:32,119 <i>♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪</i>
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:37,863 <i>[bright music]</i>
00:00:37,994 --> 00:00:40,301 <i>♪ ♪</i>
00:00:40,431 --> 00:00:44,826 [indistinct chatter]
00:00:44,827 --> 00:00:48,308 <i>♪</i>
00:00:48,309 --> 00:00:50,528 - How was school today, bud?
00:00:50,659 --> 00:00:53,400 - It was fine.
00:00:53,401 --> 00:00:55,967 - Look, Stan, I know it's been really hard for you
00:00:55,968 --> 00:00:57,927 the past month, with us not having a home.
00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,929 - Yeah, it sucks.
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,496 - I've tried to find work,
00:01:01,583 --> 00:01:02,975 but there's just not a lot out there.
00:01:03,106 --> 00:01:04,325 And with the government shutdown,
00:01:04,455 --> 00:01:07,196 I can't get my job back with the USGS.
00:01:07,197 --> 00:01:10,504 Times are hard, and I know we all miss Tegridy.
00:01:10,505 --> 00:01:12,419 - I don't miss Tegridy, Dad.
00:01:12,420 --> 00:01:14,552 I just hate that our family is living in a motel.
00:01:14,683 --> 00:01:16,163 It's really embarrassing.
00:01:16,250 --> 00:01:18,425 - Well, that's what I need to tell you, Stan.
00:01:18,426 --> 00:01:21,384 There's some good news-- we're moving out of the motel.
00:01:21,385 --> 00:01:24,170 - Wait, really? We can live in a house again?
00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:26,738 - Well, no, we can't afford a house, so...
00:01:26,825 --> 00:01:29,089 we're moving in with your grandpa.
00:01:29,176 --> 00:01:31,352 - Moving in with Grandpa?
00:01:34,529 --> 00:01:36,313 - This is a bunch of bull crap!
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,358 First you stick me in this place,
00:01:38,359 --> 00:01:40,404 and then you all come along?
00:01:40,535 --> 00:01:41,927 - Pretty nice, huh, guys?
00:01:42,058 --> 00:01:43,842 There's a TV, a microwave,
00:01:43,973 --> 00:01:46,017 and we have Bingo on Thursdays.
00:01:46,018 --> 00:01:47,889 - There has to be somewhere else we can live.
00:01:47,890 --> 00:01:49,500 - Come on, Stan.
00:01:49,631 --> 00:01:51,981 You have that space over there by Grandpa's shit pan.
00:01:52,068 --> 00:01:53,590 - You can't make me stay here.
00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:55,158 This is completely inhumane.
00:01:55,289 --> 00:01:56,768 - That's what I said!
00:01:56,899 --> 00:01:58,900 Didn't work.
00:01:58,901 --> 00:02:01,903 <i>[lively music]</i>
00:02:01,904 --> 00:02:07,866 <i>♪</i>
00:02:09,346 --> 00:02:12,132 [hammers pounding, metal clangs]
00:02:15,265 --> 00:02:17,789 - OK, so then over here is where you're gonna have
00:02:17,876 --> 00:02:20,182 the big golden pillars that you guys wanted.
00:02:20,183 --> 00:02:21,576 - Ah, yeah! That's great!
00:02:21,663 --> 00:02:23,359 - OK, and then right over here
00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:25,232 is where we're gonna put your dance floor.
00:02:25,362 --> 00:02:26,581 - All right!
00:02:26,668 --> 00:02:28,452 - Wait, dance floor?
00:02:28,539 --> 00:02:30,585 I thought we were knocking the East Wing down
00:02:30,672 --> 00:02:33,370 to make room for the nursery.
00:02:33,457 --> 00:02:36,024 - The what? - The nursery!
00:02:36,025 --> 00:02:38,505 You said all this remodeling was for the baby,
00:02:38,506 --> 00:02:40,942 not to make room for more of your stupid parties.
00:02:40,943 --> 00:02:43,031 - Hey, relax, guy!
00:02:43,032 --> 00:02:45,468 We can just stick the baby in the bathroom or something.
00:02:45,469 --> 00:02:49,994 - Wow! OK, so obviously I have no say in this remodel.
00:02:49,995 --> 00:02:51,562 - Mr. President, sir.
00:02:51,693 --> 00:02:54,435 I'm very sorry, but we need to speak with you urgently.
00:02:54,565 --> 00:02:56,393 It's a matter of national security.
00:02:56,480 --> 00:03:00,091 <i>[dramatic music]</i>
00:03:00,092 --> 00:03:03,052 We don't want to frighten you, Mr. President,
00:03:03,139 --> 00:03:05,707 but we've received intelligence
00:03:05,794 --> 00:03:10,624 that someone might be trying to stop your baby from being born.
00:03:10,625 --> 00:03:11,756 - What?
00:03:11,843 --> 00:03:13,715 Who?
00:03:13,845 --> 00:03:16,107 - Hey! Relax, guy!
00:03:16,108 --> 00:03:17,936 - We don't know who yet, sir,
00:03:18,067 --> 00:03:20,374 but Pam Bondi has been looking into it.
00:03:20,504 --> 00:03:22,766 - That's right, sir, we won't let any harm
00:03:22,767 --> 00:03:25,682 come to the baby of the greatest president that ever lived.
00:03:25,683 --> 00:03:27,337 You are without equal, sir-- - Uh, hey, Pam.
00:03:27,468 --> 00:03:29,338 - And we are honored to be-- Pam. Pam, sorry.
00:03:29,339 --> 00:03:31,428 You got a little shit on your nose there.
00:03:31,515 --> 00:03:34,256 - Oh, do I?
00:03:34,257 --> 00:03:35,215 Did I get it?
00:03:35,302 --> 00:03:36,738 - No, it's still there.
00:03:36,868 --> 00:03:39,001 - If someone is trying to harm the baby,
00:03:39,088 --> 00:03:40,871 then we must know who.
00:03:40,872 --> 00:03:44,224 - Well, there is... one theory.
00:03:44,311 --> 00:03:46,748 <i>[sinister music]</i>
00:03:46,878 --> 00:03:51,360 Some people believe that by demolishing the East Wing,
00:03:51,361 --> 00:03:56,496 we may have unleashed some sort of... wrath.
00:03:56,497 --> 00:03:57,672 <i>♪</i>
00:03:57,759 --> 00:04:00,718 - What kind of wrath?
00:04:00,849 --> 00:04:03,025 - Vengeful...
00:04:03,112 --> 00:04:04,287 wrath.
00:04:04,418 --> 00:04:07,290 [thunder booming]
00:04:07,421 --> 00:04:09,988 <i>♪ ♪</i>
00:04:15,037 --> 00:04:18,693 [phone ringing]
00:04:18,780 --> 00:04:20,520 - What the hell is going on?
00:04:20,521 --> 00:04:23,131 I was supposed to be in Washington.
00:04:23,132 --> 00:04:25,787 - There has been a change in plan, Mr. Thiel.
00:04:25,917 --> 00:04:28,920 They are on to us at the White House.
00:04:29,051 --> 00:04:30,312 - But how?
00:04:30,313 --> 00:04:32,401 How did they find out?
00:04:32,402 --> 00:04:34,361 - Someone must have heard us talking.
00:04:34,491 --> 00:04:36,753 Do you still have the child?
00:04:36,754 --> 00:04:38,146 - Yes, he's here.
00:04:38,147 --> 00:04:40,366 I have him heavily sedated.
00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:42,934 It should last another six, seven hours.
00:04:43,021 --> 00:04:44,066 - [chortling laughter]
00:04:44,153 --> 00:04:45,502 [mumbling] Six, seven!
00:04:45,589 --> 00:04:47,591 - But I can't keep him here forever.
00:04:47,722 --> 00:04:51,420 - You'll just have to wait until it is safe.
00:04:51,421 --> 00:04:54,859 I think some brownnoser here is after my job.
00:05:06,088 --> 00:05:07,350 - Hey.
00:05:07,481 --> 00:05:09,309 Come on in.
00:05:13,617 --> 00:05:16,228 You guys can't tell anybody that I'm living here.
00:05:16,359 --> 00:05:18,229 - Stan, you shouldn't be embarrassed, all right?
00:05:18,230 --> 00:05:19,797 Everyone's having a hard time right now.
00:05:19,928 --> 00:05:21,538 - Yeah, everyone's having a hard time.
00:05:21,625 --> 00:05:22,973 And you know what the problem is?
00:05:22,974 --> 00:05:24,367 Nobody's doing anything about it.
00:05:24,498 --> 00:05:25,759 How many weeks has it been now,
00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:28,065 dealing with one stupid thing after another?
00:05:28,066 --> 00:05:30,590 The truth is, I think a lot of people are just afraid to admit
00:05:30,591 --> 00:05:33,767 that South Park sucks now.
00:05:33,768 --> 00:05:35,246 - South Park sucks now?
00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:37,248 - Yeah, everyone knows it. South Park sucks now.
00:05:37,249 --> 00:05:39,207 And it's because of all this political shit.
00:05:39,208 --> 00:05:41,253 We're just getting totally bogged down in it.
00:05:41,384 --> 00:05:42,994 Remember when we used to do stuff?
00:05:43,125 --> 00:05:44,474 Just us guys?
00:05:44,605 --> 00:05:45,910 Ever since all this political crap took over,
00:05:45,997 --> 00:05:47,607 it's like--what?
00:05:47,608 --> 00:05:49,000 Like--like what happened to us?
00:05:49,087 --> 00:05:50,566 Like, Kenny, I haven't even heard you say anything
00:05:50,567 --> 00:05:52,177 in, like, four months.
00:05:52,308 --> 00:05:54,005 - [muffled speech]
00:05:54,092 --> 00:05:55,224 - You see? That's what I mean!
00:05:55,311 --> 00:05:56,921 We don't even know what to say.
00:05:57,052 --> 00:05:59,227 South Park's getting ruined, and all of us Gen Alpha kids
00:05:59,228 --> 00:06:00,664 are just sitting here, watching it happen.
00:06:00,795 --> 00:06:02,840 - You're right, dude. - [muffled] Yeah!
00:06:02,971 --> 00:06:04,189 - But what do we do?
00:06:05,887 --> 00:06:07,932 - I know exactly what to do.
00:06:09,804 --> 00:06:11,239 Hey, guys, are you sick and tired
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:12,546 of what's happening to our town?
00:06:12,676 --> 00:06:14,808 Do you feel like it's broken and going nowhere?
00:06:14,809 --> 00:06:16,463 Then click below and join our online community
00:06:16,593 --> 00:06:18,072 at South Park Sucks Now.
00:06:18,073 --> 00:06:19,509 Things are clearly not right here,
00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,031 and if you're like us, you are fed up!
00:06:21,032 --> 00:06:22,512 - South Park Sucks Now!
00:06:22,643 --> 00:06:24,819 - So please, like and subscribe, smash the button, upvote--
00:06:24,906 --> 00:06:26,080 whatever the hell you need to do,
00:06:26,081 --> 00:06:29,171 because together, we can make a difference.
00:06:29,258 --> 00:06:34,785 <i>[eerie music]</i>
00:06:34,916 --> 00:06:37,266 DAN SCAVINO: Mr. President, we don't want you to be afraid.
00:06:37,353 --> 00:06:40,443 Tell us exactly what it is you think you saw.
00:06:40,574 --> 00:06:42,097 <i>♪ ♪</i>
00:06:42,227 --> 00:06:44,404 - Ever since I tore down the East Wing, there's...
00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:46,187 this thing
00:06:46,188 --> 00:06:49,104 that keeps appearing.
00:06:49,234 --> 00:06:51,933 - What kind of thing?
00:06:52,063 --> 00:06:54,195 - Sometimes I see it in a mirror.
00:06:54,196 --> 00:06:56,111 Or in the hallway.
00:06:56,241 --> 00:06:58,286 PAM BONDI: President Trump, you are an incredible man.
00:06:58,287 --> 00:07:00,549 Whatever this is, we have your back.
00:07:00,550 --> 00:07:02,899 - Uh, Pam. Pam, you got some shit on your nose again.
00:07:02,900 --> 00:07:04,858 - Oh, really?
00:07:04,859 --> 00:07:07,469 - Mr. President, this entity you speak of,
00:07:07,470 --> 00:07:09,298 how many times has it appeared?
00:07:09,385 --> 00:07:11,953 - It appears more and more lately.
00:07:12,083 --> 00:07:13,649 I-I can't get away from it.
00:07:13,650 --> 00:07:14,956 It's everywhere I go.
00:07:15,086 --> 00:07:16,523 [music stops]
00:07:16,610 --> 00:07:18,915 [whispering] It's here right now.
00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:20,265 In the corner.
00:07:20,396 --> 00:07:24,705 <i>[ominous tone]</i>
00:07:24,835 --> 00:07:27,882 - I'm pretty sure that's your wife, sir.
00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:29,753 - My wife?
00:07:29,884 --> 00:07:31,276 [whispering] What does it want?
00:07:31,407 --> 00:07:34,323 <i>[ominous tone]</i>
00:07:34,410 --> 00:07:36,933 - Maybe it's somehow trying to communicate.
00:07:36,934 --> 00:07:39,110 Don't worry, we won't let anything happen to you.
00:07:39,197 --> 00:07:40,721 - Ah! Where did Pam Bondi go?
00:07:40,851 --> 00:07:42,940 - What? - Pam Bondi! She's gone!
00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:44,464 - But she was sitting right here!
00:07:44,551 --> 00:07:45,508 - Pam? - Pam?
00:07:45,639 --> 00:07:47,162 - Where's Pam Bondi?
00:07:47,292 --> 00:07:48,642 - I'm right here, sir!
00:07:48,772 --> 00:07:51,209 - [gasps] Look, it's back. - What's back?
00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:52,906 - You've got some shit on your nose again.
00:07:52,907 --> 00:07:55,561 - Oh, my God! What is going on?
00:07:55,562 --> 00:07:57,085 - That thing! It's not there anymore.
00:07:59,130 --> 00:07:59,914 <i>[ominous tone]</i>
00:08:00,044 --> 00:08:01,437 Ah!
00:08:07,269 --> 00:08:09,139 <i>[tones chime]</i>
00:08:09,140 --> 00:08:10,271 <i>PA: Good morning, seniors.</i>
00:08:10,272 --> 00:08:12,142 <i>It's 6:30 a.m.</i>
00:08:12,143 --> 00:08:14,276 <i>Rise and shine for your morning medication.</i>
00:08:14,363 --> 00:08:16,365 - Ugh, God, 6:30?
00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:18,280 - Yeah, it fucking sucks, doesn't it?
00:08:26,375 --> 00:08:27,767 - Holy shit.
00:08:27,768 --> 00:08:28,812 - What?
00:08:28,943 --> 00:08:30,552 - Holy shit.
00:08:30,553 --> 00:08:33,687 756,000 likes, you guys.
00:08:33,817 --> 00:08:36,036 We just built a massive online community.
00:08:36,037 --> 00:08:38,387 - Wow. I can't believe how many people agree with us.
00:08:38,474 --> 00:08:40,344 - I thought we could get 50 or 60 kids from school to sign up,
00:08:40,345 --> 00:08:41,868 but this is incredible.
00:08:41,869 --> 00:08:43,217 - All right, we've got everyone's attention.
00:08:43,218 --> 00:08:44,392 So what do we do now?
00:08:44,393 --> 00:08:46,220 - What do you mean, dude? It's obvious.
00:08:46,221 --> 00:08:47,744 It's time for phase two.
00:08:47,831 --> 00:08:50,268 <i>[gentle music]</i>
00:08:50,399 --> 00:08:52,444 Hey, guys, if you've come here,
00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:54,620 then you're likely joining the chorus of voices
00:08:54,621 --> 00:08:57,014 that's fed up with the direction our town is going.
00:08:57,145 --> 00:08:59,626 We all want change in our community.
00:08:59,756 --> 00:09:01,540 And now there's an opportunity
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,846 to truly make your voices heard.
00:09:03,847 --> 00:09:08,025 Introducing the South Park Sucks Now cryptocurrency coin.
00:09:08,156 --> 00:09:10,026 <i>This digital meme token is your way to be a part</i>
00:09:10,027 --> 00:09:12,072 <i>of the fastest-growing community in America.</i>
00:09:12,073 --> 00:09:14,204 This used to be a great town before all the politics came
00:09:14,205 --> 00:09:15,466 and ruined it all.
00:09:15,467 --> 00:09:16,772 Get in on our crypto meme coin
00:09:16,773 --> 00:09:18,340 with this incredible presale offer.
00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:19,993 Each coin is just $9.95,
00:09:19,994 --> 00:09:21,604 but could be worth ten times that overnight!
00:09:21,735 --> 00:09:23,214 - Wait, a meme coin?
00:09:23,301 --> 00:09:24,911 - Do you want South Park to change?
00:09:24,912 --> 00:09:27,783 Then order your coin today at SouthParkSucksNow.com.
00:09:27,784 --> 00:09:29,002 Stan Marsh is not a financial advisor
00:09:29,003 --> 00:09:30,046 affiliated with any financial institution.
00:09:30,047 --> 00:09:31,004 Digital assets are highly volatile
00:09:31,005 --> 00:09:32,005 and may involve significant risk,
00:09:32,006 --> 00:09:33,094 including loss of all funds.
00:09:33,224 --> 00:09:34,660 Ownership of South Park Sucks Now Coin
00:09:34,661 --> 00:09:35,704 does not represent equity, profit sharing, or ownership
00:09:35,705 --> 00:09:37,141 of any company platform or project.
00:09:37,272 --> 00:09:38,272 Participation is voluntary and should only be undertaken
00:09:38,273 --> 00:09:39,230 by individuals who fully understand the risks
00:09:39,317 --> 00:09:40,492 associated with block chain assets.
00:09:40,623 --> 00:09:41,885 South Park Sucks Now Coin is not registered with
00:09:41,972 --> 00:09:43,321 or regulated by the SEC or any financial authority.
00:09:43,452 --> 00:09:44,758 Please review all disclosures and consult a licensed financial
00:09:44,888 --> 00:09:45,367 advisor before engaging in digital asset transactions.
00:09:47,543 --> 00:09:49,849 [thunder booming]
00:09:49,850 --> 00:09:52,852 <i>[ominous music]</i>
00:09:52,853 --> 00:09:59,729 <i>♪</i>
00:10:16,659 --> 00:10:18,095 [scraping]
00:10:18,226 --> 00:10:19,835 <i>♪ ♪</i>
00:10:19,836 --> 00:10:20,968 [shower curtain scrapes]
00:10:25,668 --> 00:10:27,103 <i>♪</i>
00:10:27,104 --> 00:10:30,063 [Towelie screaming]
00:10:30,064 --> 00:10:33,066 <i>♪</i>
00:10:33,067 --> 00:10:35,286 [cabinet squeaks]
00:10:35,373 --> 00:10:37,419 - Ahh! <i>[ominous tone]</i>
00:10:37,506 --> 00:10:38,637 Ah, fuck!
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,334 Fuck! - What?
00:10:40,335 --> 00:10:42,902 - It's the Woman in the Hat!
00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:44,338 - What are you talking about?
00:10:44,339 --> 00:10:45,514 - The Woman in the Hat!
00:10:45,601 --> 00:10:47,908 She's in the fucking bathroom!
00:10:50,519 --> 00:10:52,302 - We've double checked everything, sir.
00:10:52,303 --> 00:10:53,869 All the exterior doors are locked.
00:10:53,870 --> 00:10:55,654 No windows have been breached.
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,178 - And yet the president swears
00:10:57,308 --> 00:10:58,700 something was in the room with him.
00:10:58,701 --> 00:11:00,136 - Is he going to be all right?
00:11:00,137 --> 00:11:01,485 - Pretty shaken.
00:11:01,486 --> 00:11:02,966 Pam Bondi is in there now
00:11:03,053 --> 00:11:04,533 trying to calm him down and make him feel better.
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,491 PAM BONDI: [screaming]
00:11:06,622 --> 00:11:08,449 DAN SCAVINO: Pam?
00:11:08,450 --> 00:11:09,885 Oh, my God!
00:11:09,886 --> 00:11:13,194 - [groaning]
00:11:17,633 --> 00:11:20,418 - Stan, what are we doing?
00:11:20,549 --> 00:11:22,682 - What do you mean, dude? We're trying to change things.
00:11:22,769 --> 00:11:25,205 - By selling cryptocurrency?
00:11:25,206 --> 00:11:27,077 - What's wrong with trying to make a little money
00:11:27,208 --> 00:11:29,339 while also pointing out the things wrong with our town?
00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:30,601 - [muffled] Yeah, what's wrong with that?
00:11:30,602 --> 00:11:31,865 - I have to do something, Kyle.
00:11:31,995 --> 00:11:34,040 I'm nine years old and I live in a retirement home.
00:11:34,041 --> 00:11:36,346 - And you really think crypto is your way out?
00:11:36,347 --> 00:11:38,784 Do you even know anything about how that stuff works?
00:11:38,785 --> 00:11:41,396 - Well, actually, we have a really strong crypto advisor--
00:11:41,526 --> 00:11:43,746 your cousin on the east coast.
00:11:43,877 --> 00:11:45,486 - My cousin?
00:11:45,487 --> 00:11:47,836 <i>- I'm back!</i>
00:11:47,837 --> 00:11:49,404 <i>All right, looks like we've got a lot of movement</i>
00:11:49,534 --> 00:11:50,579 <i>on your coin, boys.</i>
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:52,450 The presale really popped.
00:11:52,537 --> 00:11:54,582 We cleared 100 grand in volume before liquidity even locked.
00:11:54,583 --> 00:11:56,193 The token's really got traction.
00:11:56,324 --> 00:11:58,456 - And we don't ever have to pay anything, right?
00:11:58,587 --> 00:12:00,720 - Nope, you never pay anything. You guys created the coin,
00:12:00,807 --> 00:12:01,938 so all you do is profit from it.
00:12:02,025 --> 00:12:03,331 - See? I told you.
00:12:03,461 --> 00:12:05,027 - [muffled speech]
00:12:05,028 --> 00:12:06,247 - Now we just need to keep creating hype
00:12:06,377 --> 00:12:08,249 around the South Park Sucks Now digital coin,
00:12:08,336 --> 00:12:10,207 so we need to come up with things to give people FOMO
00:12:10,338 --> 00:12:12,166 and make them ape even harder.
00:12:12,253 --> 00:12:14,168 - You guys, this isn't about a coin.
00:12:14,255 --> 00:12:15,822 It's about a movement.
00:12:15,952 --> 00:12:17,171 - Oh, that's really good.
00:12:17,258 --> 00:12:18,649 - Yeah, yeah, that's perfect.
00:12:18,650 --> 00:12:20,261 "This isn't about a coin. It's about a movement."
00:12:20,391 --> 00:12:22,611 Yeah, that's some savvy Jew Jitsu right there.
00:12:22,698 --> 00:12:23,742 <i>- So what kind of time frame are we looking at</i>
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:24,786 <i>to get our money?</i>
00:12:24,787 --> 00:12:26,223 <i>I need it as fast as possible.</i>
00:12:26,354 --> 00:12:27,964 - Well, I think we're looking at a classic rug pull
00:12:28,051 --> 00:12:29,183 in just a few days.
00:12:29,270 --> 00:12:30,879 Once we pump the coin high as it'll go,
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:32,882 then I can register for an MSB with the federal government.
00:12:33,013 --> 00:12:35,058 - The federal government? That sounds hard.
00:12:35,189 --> 00:12:36,843 - Oh, no, it's gonna be easy.
00:12:36,930 --> 00:12:39,105 The crypto corruption at the White House is off the chain.
00:12:39,106 --> 00:12:40,584 We're gonna screw a lot of people out of their money, boys.
00:12:40,585 --> 00:12:42,326 It's gonna be fantastic.
00:12:43,501 --> 00:12:46,809 [thunder booming]
00:12:46,940 --> 00:12:48,898 [heavy knocking]
00:12:51,553 --> 00:12:53,989 [thunder booms]
00:12:53,990 --> 00:12:56,253 - Yes?
00:12:56,384 --> 00:12:59,213 - Uh, yes, we're paranormal investigators.
00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:00,779 We've been asked to come and investigate
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:03,870 the mysterious Woman in the Hat.
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:07,656 - I am Stephen Miller,
00:13:07,743 --> 00:13:10,006 Senior Advisor to the President for Immigration
00:13:10,093 --> 00:13:11,616 and Domestic Policy.
00:13:11,747 --> 00:13:14,271 [thunder booms]
00:13:14,402 --> 00:13:15,359 Won't you...
00:13:15,446 --> 00:13:17,971 come in?
00:13:22,758 --> 00:13:24,934 PARANORMAL INVESTIGATOR HUSBAND: Oh, my God, it's incredible.
00:13:25,065 --> 00:13:28,503 Subject is showing some kind of viscous residue on her nose.
00:13:28,633 --> 00:13:30,679 - Well, what the fuck is it?
00:13:30,766 --> 00:13:33,072 - Sometimes there's a physical manifestation
00:13:33,073 --> 00:13:34,682 of spiritual energy--
00:13:34,683 --> 00:13:37,555 a bridge between the spiritual world and ours.
00:13:37,686 --> 00:13:41,646 In this case, it appears to be some kind of rectoplasm.
00:13:41,777 --> 00:13:43,473 - Rectoplasm?
00:13:43,474 --> 00:13:44,911 - What is it made of?
00:13:45,041 --> 00:13:46,520 - It's unbelievable!
00:13:46,521 --> 00:13:49,872 The rectoplasm seems to be 54% Filet-O-Fish sandwich!
00:13:50,003 --> 00:13:51,307 - Oh, my God!
00:13:51,308 --> 00:13:53,354 I ate a Filet-O-Fish sandwich last night!
00:13:53,484 --> 00:13:55,268 - Jesus! - And it's also...
00:13:55,269 --> 00:13:57,619 28% Taco Bell.
00:13:57,706 --> 00:13:59,142 - Oh, my God!
00:13:59,273 --> 00:14:01,274 I ate Taco Bell this morning!
00:14:01,275 --> 00:14:02,710 - What does it mean?
00:14:02,711 --> 00:14:06,714 - And it's 14% its own cum.
00:14:06,715 --> 00:14:09,413 - Oh, my God! I ate--
00:14:11,372 --> 00:14:13,722 [chuckling awkwardly]
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:16,943 Hey! Pam! Deal with them!
00:14:17,030 --> 00:14:21,512 <i>ANNOUNCER: This is a Fox News Super Alert!</i>
00:14:21,599 --> 00:14:24,297 - Two paranormal investigators were indicted today
00:14:24,298 --> 00:14:27,430 on federal charges of falsifying data.
00:14:27,431 --> 00:14:30,130 The president said that the bad people manipulated readings
00:14:30,260 --> 00:14:32,783 and reports to make fake news.
00:14:32,784 --> 00:14:36,179 The charges were filed by Attorney General Pam Bondi,
00:14:36,266 --> 00:14:38,747 who said that "the President is a great man,
00:14:38,834 --> 00:14:40,923 even if he does eat his own semen."
00:14:41,054 --> 00:14:42,403 In other news,
00:14:42,533 --> 00:14:45,145 many people are saying that South Park sucks now.
00:14:45,275 --> 00:14:47,277 The small mountain town in Colorado
00:14:47,408 --> 00:14:50,149 has been a hotbed of political activity in recent weeks,
00:14:50,150 --> 00:14:51,891 and three local Gen Alpha boys
00:14:51,978 --> 00:14:54,284 are vowing to put a stop to it.
00:14:55,329 --> 00:14:56,896 - OK, we're mooning.
00:14:56,983 --> 00:14:58,592 We're mooning...
00:14:58,593 --> 00:15:00,029 All right, that's gotta be it.
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:01,943 OK, we're done mooning. I think we're ready to dump.
00:15:01,944 --> 00:15:02,945 [train horn blares]
00:15:03,076 --> 00:15:04,120 COUSIN KYLE: OK, sounds good.
00:15:04,207 --> 00:15:06,382 I'm on the Acela train right now.
00:15:06,383 --> 00:15:09,169 I should be in DC by 6:30 to meet with Don Jr.
00:15:09,299 --> 00:15:10,431 <i>Once I get White House approval,</i>
00:15:10,561 --> 00:15:11,910 <i>we should be able to do the rug pull.</i>
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:15,001 - I'm out, dude. - Kyle?
00:15:15,131 --> 00:15:16,785 Kyle, wait!
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,395 Dude, you can't quit now.
00:15:19,396 --> 00:15:20,876 Do you know how much money we're about to make?
00:15:21,007 --> 00:15:23,617 - I thought you were sick of the way South Park was going, Stan.
00:15:23,618 --> 00:15:25,446 - I am! - So then why are you trying
00:15:25,576 --> 00:15:26,795 to engineer a rug pull
00:15:26,882 --> 00:15:28,231 in conjunction with the federal government?
00:15:28,362 --> 00:15:30,755 - Bro, it's the world we live in, OK?
00:15:30,886 --> 00:15:32,365 I mean, at least we're being men
00:15:32,366 --> 00:15:33,802 and taking some control.
00:15:33,889 --> 00:15:35,803 Look at Kenny, he--he's doing stuff now!
00:15:35,804 --> 00:15:37,240 - [muffled] Yeah, dude, I'm doing stuff!
00:15:37,327 --> 00:15:39,808 - I know it sucks to be living in an old folks home, Stan,
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:40,940 but you can't fix things
00:15:41,027 --> 00:15:42,680 if you're only thinking about yourself.
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:53,822 [thunder booming]
00:15:57,913 --> 00:15:59,959 [heavy knocking]
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,225 [thunder booms]
00:16:05,355 --> 00:16:08,097 - Yes?
00:16:08,228 --> 00:16:11,273 - Uh, yes, I'm with the South Park Sucks Now cryptocurrency.
00:16:11,274 --> 00:16:12,754 We're trying to fuck a bunch of people out of their money.
00:16:12,841 --> 00:16:14,408 Is Don Jr. around?
00:16:14,495 --> 00:16:17,846 - Ah, yes, he's been expecting you.
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,848 Do come in.
00:16:21,415 --> 00:16:24,592 [door squeaks]
00:16:26,289 --> 00:16:28,421 - Oh, Jesus, it's a little drafty in here.
00:16:28,422 --> 00:16:31,337 - You'll have to excuse the conditions.
00:16:31,338 --> 00:16:34,515 The master has taken down the East Wing and unleashed a wrath.
00:16:34,645 --> 00:16:36,212 [eerie moaning]
00:16:36,299 --> 00:16:39,259 [unintelligible groaning]
00:16:39,389 --> 00:16:41,130 - Oh, Jesus! It's a mummy!
00:16:41,261 --> 00:16:44,090 - No, no, that's just the head of the FCC.
00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:46,482 He's lost his freedom of speech.
00:16:46,483 --> 00:16:48,050 - [mumbles]
00:16:48,181 --> 00:16:53,272 - Come. Don Jr. is... this way.
00:16:53,273 --> 00:16:56,232 [thunder booms]
00:16:56,319 --> 00:16:58,539 <i>[eerie music]</i>
00:16:58,669 --> 00:17:00,758 - Thanks so much for taking my meeting, Don Jr.
00:17:00,889 --> 00:17:02,716 We've got an incredible crypto opportunity here
00:17:02,717 --> 00:17:04,718 and we just need your help taking a big dump.
00:17:04,719 --> 00:17:06,199 - That sounds really great.
00:17:06,329 --> 00:17:09,202 There's nothing I like better than a big crypto dump.
00:17:09,332 --> 00:17:11,333 - So sorry I had to bug you this late in the evening,
00:17:11,334 --> 00:17:13,031 but time really is of the essence here.
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:15,512 [door opens]
00:17:15,643 --> 00:17:18,514 - We need everyone to gather in the dining room.
00:17:18,515 --> 00:17:19,908 Immediately.
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:22,780 - In the dining room? Why?
00:17:22,911 --> 00:17:25,260 - We are going to have a séance.
00:17:25,261 --> 00:17:29,048 It's time to confront the spirit here.
00:17:29,135 --> 00:17:32,094 - The--the spirit? What spirit?
00:17:32,225 --> 00:17:35,054 <i>[line ringing]</i>
00:17:36,272 --> 00:17:38,534 - [muffled speech]
00:17:38,535 --> 00:17:39,797 - Yeah, I can see the price is going down.
00:17:39,928 --> 00:17:41,147 What the hell is he doing?
00:17:41,277 --> 00:17:42,539 - [muffled] He's not answering?
00:17:42,670 --> 00:17:43,540 <i>COUSIN KYLE: Hello, you've reached</i>
00:17:43,671 --> 00:17:44,976 <i>Pump and Dump Crypto Advisors.</i>
00:17:45,107 --> 00:17:46,934 <i>Let us know how we can help you fuck people over.</i>
00:17:46,935 --> 00:17:48,892 <i>Just leave a message. [beep]</i>
00:17:48,893 --> 00:17:50,634 - Dude, what is going on?
00:17:50,765 --> 00:17:53,376 Our token's value totally peaked and it's starting to go down.
00:17:53,463 --> 00:17:54,812 Whatever approval you have to get at the White House,
00:17:54,943 --> 00:17:56,291 we need it now! <i>[beep]</i>
00:17:56,292 --> 00:17:57,336 God damn it!
00:17:57,337 --> 00:17:59,512 - [muffled speech]
00:17:59,513 --> 00:18:02,603 - I don't know, Kenny, OK? Shut up already!
00:18:02,733 --> 00:18:05,562 <i>[eerie music]</i>
00:18:05,693 --> 00:18:07,520 <i>♪ ♪</i>
00:18:07,521 --> 00:18:09,565 - Oh, Jesus, this is a little creepy.
00:18:09,566 --> 00:18:12,438 Are we having dinner? I'm allergic to dairy.
00:18:12,439 --> 00:18:15,310 - Everyone, please put your hands on the table.
00:18:15,311 --> 00:18:19,445 <i>♪</i>
00:18:19,446 --> 00:18:23,406 I am speaking to the entity in this house.
00:18:23,537 --> 00:18:25,278 - Is this a good time to talk turkey?
00:18:25,408 --> 00:18:27,628 I just need to go over some quick business.
00:18:27,758 --> 00:18:30,369 - We know you are sad.
00:18:30,370 --> 00:18:32,981 We know you are... lonely.
00:18:33,068 --> 00:18:37,159 But we must ask you to leave our president alone.
00:18:37,290 --> 00:18:40,030 <i>♪ ♪</i>
00:18:40,031 --> 00:18:42,643 - Oh, my God, this is really scary.
00:18:42,773 --> 00:18:45,211 PAM BONDI: The President is a great man,
00:18:45,298 --> 00:18:48,735 and he does not deserve to be tormented like this.
00:18:48,736 --> 00:18:50,563 - Pam! Pam!
00:18:50,564 --> 00:18:52,566 - Oh! Oh.
00:18:52,653 --> 00:18:54,872 Restless spirit,
00:18:55,003 --> 00:18:57,918 we only wish to communicate!
00:18:57,919 --> 00:19:00,573 [thunder booming]
00:19:00,574 --> 00:19:02,750 - Holy shit! She's right fucking there!
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:04,230 - What is that?
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:08,146 - [moaning] Deception!
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:11,018 Deception!
00:19:11,019 --> 00:19:13,326 - Boss, maybe we should stop this.
00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:15,414 - No! I wanna hear what it has to say.
00:19:15,415 --> 00:19:17,416 - [moaning]
00:19:17,417 --> 00:19:19,897 Epstein!
00:19:20,028 --> 00:19:21,594 - Uh, no, no. You're right. Let's stop this.
00:19:21,595 --> 00:19:23,162 - You!
00:19:23,249 --> 00:19:25,728 <i>[eerie music]</i>
00:19:25,729 --> 00:19:26,991 - What? You?
00:19:27,122 --> 00:19:27,992 What did he do?
00:19:28,123 --> 00:19:30,821 - He lies!
00:19:30,908 --> 00:19:32,954 - Oh, you fucking bitch!
00:19:33,041 --> 00:19:35,435 - Corruption!
00:19:35,565 --> 00:19:37,045 - She's not possessed!
00:19:37,132 --> 00:19:39,961 Pam Bondi's trying to get my fucking job!
00:19:40,048 --> 00:19:42,006 [thunder booms]
00:19:42,137 --> 00:19:43,616 - Oh, I can't do this!
00:19:43,617 --> 00:19:44,705 - Lies!
00:19:44,835 --> 00:19:46,662 - [muttering]
00:19:46,663 --> 00:19:48,056 - I gotta get out of here!
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:49,405 <i>♪ ♪</i>
00:19:49,492 --> 00:19:50,972 [face screaming] - Oh, God!
00:19:51,059 --> 00:19:52,799 Oh!
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:53,887 <i>♪</i>
00:19:53,888 --> 00:19:56,847 OK! OK! It's all true!
00:19:56,934 --> 00:19:59,589 We've been dealing in deception and lies!
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:01,852 We've all been getting filthy rich off of crypto!
00:20:01,983 --> 00:20:03,070 Oh, Jesus.
00:20:03,071 --> 00:20:04,942 We've lied and we've cheated.
00:20:05,073 --> 00:20:06,682 Crypto's just a giant money laundering scheme
00:20:06,683 --> 00:20:07,641 for the rich to get richer.
00:20:07,728 --> 00:20:09,424 Please don't haunt us anymore!
00:20:09,425 --> 00:20:10,686 We're sorry.
00:20:10,687 --> 00:20:13,647 We're all very sorry!
00:20:13,734 --> 00:20:16,867 <i>ANNOUNCER: This is a Fox News!</i>
00:20:16,998 --> 00:20:19,914 <i>Agh! America!</i>
00:20:20,044 --> 00:20:23,351 - A massive crypto fraud has been exposed at the White House,
00:20:23,352 --> 00:20:25,875 and the perpetrator has been indicted.
00:20:25,876 --> 00:20:28,531 A ghostly wrath that was unleashed in the East Wing
00:20:28,618 --> 00:20:31,317 exposed the traitor at a séance last night.
00:20:31,404 --> 00:20:35,363 The traitor is now behind bars and serving 10 years for fraud.
00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:38,933 Charges, of course, were once again filed by Pam Bondi,
00:20:39,063 --> 00:20:42,370 who said, "We will continue to indict anyone
00:20:42,371 --> 00:20:45,678 who says bad stuff about our amazing president."
00:20:45,679 --> 00:20:49,769 <i>[gentle music]</i>
00:20:49,770 --> 00:20:52,033 <i>STAN: I'm sorry, Kyle. I should have listened to you.</i>
00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:54,731 <i>♪ ♪</i>
00:20:54,862 --> 00:20:57,255 I guess there just no really going back
00:20:57,256 --> 00:21:00,258 to the way things used to be.
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:01,912 - Things will get back, Stan.
00:21:01,999 --> 00:21:03,131 I know it's hard to see right now,
00:21:03,218 --> 00:21:06,134 but things will go back to normal.
00:21:06,221 --> 00:21:08,527 And in the meantime, we just have to make the most
00:21:08,528 --> 00:21:10,356 of where we are.
00:21:10,443 --> 00:21:14,620 <i>["If I Didn't Care" by The Ink Spots]</i>
00:21:14,621 --> 00:21:17,318 - All right, seniors, just move with the rhythm now.
00:21:17,319 --> 00:21:18,712 <i>♪</i>
00:21:18,799 --> 00:21:22,019 <i>- ♪ If I didn't care ♪</i>
00:21:22,150 --> 00:21:24,718 NURSE: Good! Good, seniors. Nice!
00:21:24,805 --> 00:21:29,375 <i>- ♪ More than words can say ♪</i>
00:21:29,505 --> 00:21:34,554 <i>♪ If I didn't care ♪</i>
00:21:34,684 --> 00:21:39,949 <i>♪ Would I feel this way? ♪</i>
00:21:39,950 --> 00:21:46,086 <i>♪ If this isn't love, then why ♪</i>
00:21:46,087 --> 00:21:48,959 <i>[theme music]</i>
00:21:49,090 --> 00:21:55,966 <i>♪ ♪</i>

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