Женщина в шляпе

00:00:03,410 --> 00:00:05,420

В ПРОГРАММЕ СОДЕРЖИТСЯ ГРЯЗНАЯ РУГАНЬ

НЕ РЕКОМЕНДУЕТСЯ К ПРОСМОТРУ НИКОМУ

00:00:08,790 --> 00:00:10,110

Соберу я свой рюкзак

00:00:10,190 --> 00:00:12,080

и поеду в Саус Парк.

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Дружелюбный здесь народ,

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благочестие цветёт.

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В Саус парк ты приезжаешь

00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,720

и печали забываешь.

00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:20,460

Стоит только выйти в свет,

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все кричат: «Привет, сосед!»

00:00:22,240 --> 00:00:23,640

В Саус Парке не печалься,

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отдыхай и расслабляйся.

00:00:28,670 --> 00:00:30,060

В Саус Парке ждут тебя

00:00:30,090 --> 00:00:31,740

мои верные друзья.

00:00:31,770 --> 00:00:33,000

ЮЖНЫЙ ПАРК

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САУС ПАРК

00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:39,120

НАЧАЛЬНАЯ ШКОЛА САУС ПАРКА

00:01:31,090 --> 00:01:33,340

ДОМ ПРЕСТАРЕЛЫХ «ЦАРСТВО ТЕНЕЙ»

00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:13,210

ПРИДОРОЖНЫЙ МОТЕЛЬ

00:04:57,500 --> 00:05:00,210

ДОМ ПРЕСТАРЕЛЫХ «ЦАРСТВО ТЕНЕЙ»

00:08:03,140 --> 00:08:05,440

ДОМ ПРЕСТАРЕЛЫХ «ЦАРСТВО ТЕНЕЙ»

00:08:20,890 --> 00:08:23,090

СООБЩЕСТВА

«САУС ПАРК ОТСТОЙ»

00:08:23,210 --> 00:08:25,330

ВСТУПИЛО 756 000 ЧЕЛОВЕК

00:20:45,530 --> 00:20:49,230

ДОМ ПРЕСТАРЕЛЫХ «ЦАРСТВО ТЕНЕЙ»

00:00:03,410 --> 00:00:05,420

В ПРОГРАММЕ СОДЕРЖИТСЯ ГРЯЗНАЯ РУГАНЬ

НЕ РЕКОМЕНДУЕТСЯ К ПРОСМОТРУ НИКОМУ

00:00:08,790 --> 00:00:10,110

Соберу я свой рюкзак

00:00:10,190 --> 00:00:12,080

и поеду в Саус Парк.

00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:13,900

Дружелюбный здесь народ,

00:00:13,940 --> 00:00:15,600

благочестие цветёт.

00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:17,060

В Саус парк ты приезжаешь

00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,720

и печали забываешь.

00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:20,460

Стоит только выйти в свет,

00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:22,190

все кричат: «Привет, сосед!»

00:00:22,240 --> 00:00:23,640

В Саус Парке не печалься,

00:00:23,730 --> 00:00:25,640

отдыхай и расслабляйся.

00:00:28,670 --> 00:00:30,060

В Саус Парке ждут тебя

00:00:30,090 --> 00:00:31,740

мои верные друзья.

00:00:31,770 --> 00:00:33,000

ЮЖНЫЙ ПАРК

00:00:34,010 --> 00:00:37,320

САУС ПАРК

00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:39,120

НАЧАЛЬНАЯ ШКОЛА САУС ПАРКА

00:00:48,370 --> 00:00:49,840

Как прошёл день, сын?

00:00:50,620 --> 00:00:51,540

Нормально.

00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:57,900

Стэн, понимаю, у тебя был тяжёлый месяц.

Потому что у нас нет дома.

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Да, это отстой.

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Я пытаюсь найти работу, но её так мало.

00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:06,720

Правительство всё позакрывало,

я не могу работать геологом.

00:01:06,910 --> 00:01:10,300

Сейчас сложный период, мы все скучаем по ферме.

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Не скучаю я по ферме, пап.

Мы теперь живём в мотеле, это жесть как стыдно.

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Я как раз об этом, Стэн.

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Хорошая новость: мы переезжаем из мотеля.

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Правда? Мы будем жить в доме?

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Нет, дом мы себе позволить не можем. ...

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Мы поживём у дедушки.

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Чего? У дедушки?!

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ДОМ ПРЕСТАРЕЛЫХ «ЦАРСТВО ТЕНЕЙ»

00:01:34,430 --> 00:01:36,190

Да это полная херня!

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Сначала вы меня сюда скинули,

а теперь ещё ко мне вселились?!

00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:41,870

А тут неплохо, да?

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Есть телек, микроволновка.

А по четвергам проходит турнир по «Бинго!»

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Неужели вообще негде больше жить?

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Хватит. Ты будешь спать рядом

с дедовым ведром для говна.

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Я не смогу тут жить! Это чистое издевательство!

00:01:55,370 --> 00:01:58,090

Я тоже самое сказал! Не помогло.

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Так, вот прямо здесь будут огромные

золотые колонны, как вы и просили.

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О, да! Шикарно!

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А вон там мы вам сделаем роскошный танцпол.

00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:26,490

Идеально!

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Что, танцпол?

00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:32,130

Я думал, мы сносим восточное крыло,

чтобы сделать детскую побольше!

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Чего?

00:02:34,530 --> 00:02:35,800

Детскую комнату!

00:02:35,820 --> 00:02:40,850

Ты говорил, что всё это для ребёнка,

а не для твоих тупых вечеринок!

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Да расслабься, парень!

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Засунем ребёнка в угол ванной и всё.

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Обалдеть! То есть, у меня вообще

нет права голоса в этой перестройке?!

00:02:49,900 --> 00:02:51,230

Господин Президент, сэр.

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Простите, что отвлёк, но есть срочный разговор.

00:02:54,270 --> 00:02:56,520

Вопрос национальной безопасности.

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Вы только не пугайтесь, господин Президент, но

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разведка доложила о том, что кто-то

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возможно хочет не допустить рождения малыша.

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Что?!

00:03:11,930 --> 00:03:12,650

Кто?

00:03:13,810 --> 00:03:15,870

Да расслабься, парень!

00:03:15,980 --> 00:03:18,000

Мы пока не знаем, кто, сэр.

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Но Пэм Бонди изучает этот вопрос.

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Да, сэр. Мы не допустим,

чтобы кто-то навредил ребёнку

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или самому великому президенту в истории, сэр...

00:03:26,380 --> 00:03:27,220

Погоди, Пэм.

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- Для нас большая честь...

- Пэм. Пэм, прости.

00:03:29,230 --> 00:03:31,400

Но у тебя на носу кусочек говна.

00:03:31,970 --> 00:03:32,840

Ой, правда?

00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:35,100

Я убрала?

00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:36,570

Нет, ещё осталось.

00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:40,610

Надо скорей узнать, кто хочет

причинить вред нашему ребёнку!

00:03:40,830 --> 00:03:44,350

Ну, пока есть одна теория...

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Некоторые люди верят, что то,

что мы разрушили восточное крыло,

00:03:51,370 --> 00:03:56,120

пробудило нечто вроде потерянного... духа.

00:03:57,650 --> 00:03:59,800

И что это за дух?

00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:04,200

Мстительный... дух.

00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:13,210

ПРИДОРОЖНЫЙ МОТЕЛЬ

00:04:18,820 --> 00:04:22,060

Что вообще творится?

Я должен был быть в Вашингтоне!

00:04:22,940 --> 00:04:25,620

Планы резко поменялись, Мистер Тиль.

00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:28,360

О нас заподозрили в Белом доме.

00:04:29,130 --> 00:04:31,650

Но как? Как они про нас узнали?

00:04:32,130 --> 00:04:36,180

Может, кто-то подслушал

наш разговор. Дитя ещё с тобой?

00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:39,870

Да, он со мной. Я дал ему кучу седативных.

00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,800

Он будет спать ещё часов шесть-семь.

00:04:43,810 --> 00:04:44,970

Шесть-семь!

00:04:45,500 --> 00:04:47,380

Я не могу держать здесь его вечно!

00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:50,000

Просто ждём, пока всё уляжется.

00:04:51,290 --> 00:04:55,090

Тут одна говно-подлиза

разнюхивает наши делишки.

00:04:57,500 --> 00:05:00,210

ДОМ ПРЕСТАРЕЛЫХ «ЦАРСТВО ТЕНЕЙ»

00:05:06,170 --> 00:05:06,750

Привет.

00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:08,530

Заходите.

00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:16,000

Только ни кому ни слова, что я тут живу.

00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:19,630

Стэн, тут нет ничего стыдного.

У всех тяжёлые времена.

00:05:19,710 --> 00:05:21,520

Да, именно, я в курсе.

00:05:21,580 --> 00:05:24,340

А знаешь, в чегом беда? Никто ничего не делает.

00:05:24,420 --> 00:05:27,630

Сколько недель мы уже

терпим одну херню за другой?

00:05:27,710 --> 00:05:31,900

Мне кажется, люди боятся

признать, что Саус Парк стал отстой.

00:05:33,740 --> 00:05:34,890

Саус Парк отстой?

00:05:34,980 --> 00:05:36,900

Все знают, что Саус Парк стал отстой.

00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:38,880

Из-за политической херотени!

00:05:39,550 --> 00:05:41,060

Мы в ней уже по уши!

00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:44,140

Раньше были приключения. Только мы, пацаны!

00:05:44,340 --> 00:05:46,800

А потом началась политическая дичь.

00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:48,510

Чёрт, а как же мы?!

00:05:48,570 --> 00:05:51,570

Кенни, я не слышал от тебя ни слова четыре месяца.

00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:53,850

А что говорить?

00:05:53,870 --> 00:05:56,680

Я про это и говорю! Мы не знаем, что сказать!

00:05:56,800 --> 00:06:00,510

Саус Парку конец. А поколение Альфа

тупо сидит и наблюдает.

00:06:00,930 --> 00:06:01,820

Ты прав, чувак.

00:06:01,850 --> 00:06:02,530

Да!

00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:03,920

А что делать?

00:06:05,790 --> 00:06:07,180

Я знаю, что надо делать.

00:06:09,710 --> 00:06:12,320

Народ, вас же достало, что творится с городом?

00:06:12,530 --> 00:06:14,450

Нет ощущения, что всё летит к чёрту?

00:06:14,460 --> 00:06:17,920

Переходите по ссылке и вступайте

в группу «Саус Парк отстой».

00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:20,890

Наверняка вас эта хрень тоже достала, как и нас!

00:06:20,910 --> 00:06:22,220

Саус Парк отстой!

00:06:22,260 --> 00:06:25,870

Ставьте лайки, подписывайтесь,

жмите на кнопку, ставьте классы.

00:06:25,890 --> 00:06:28,430

Только вместе мы сможем всё изменить!

00:06:34,570 --> 00:06:37,040

Господин Президент, вы главное не переживайте.

00:06:37,380 --> 00:06:40,420

Расскажите, что, по вашему мнению, вы видели.

00:06:41,900 --> 00:06:45,930

С тех пор, как я снёс восточное крыло, есть кое-что.

00:06:46,260 --> 00:06:48,580

Оно часто... появляется.

00:06:49,390 --> 00:06:51,760

И что это за «кое-что»?

00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:55,650

Иногда я вижу это в зеркале. Или в коридоре.

00:06:55,850 --> 00:06:58,010

Президент Трамп, вы потрясающая личность.

00:06:58,490 --> 00:07:00,360

Мы обязательно вам поможем.

00:07:00,610 --> 00:07:02,770

Пэм. Пэм, у тебя опять говно на носу .

00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:03,870

Опять?

00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:09,120

Господин Президент,

сколько уже раз появлялось это кое-что?

00:07:09,380 --> 00:07:11,870

Стало всё чаще и чаще.

00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:15,230

Я не могу скрыться, оно словно ходит за мной.

00:07:16,290 --> 00:07:18,700

Оно здесь прямо сейчас.

00:07:18,910 --> 00:07:20,220

Там, в углу.

00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:26,840

Вроде как это ваша жена, сэр.

00:07:27,980 --> 00:07:28,720

Моя жена?

00:07:29,770 --> 00:07:31,220

Чего оно хочет?

00:07:34,170 --> 00:07:36,620

Может, оно хочет с вами пообщаться.

00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,930

Только не бойтесь, мы вас защитим.

00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:42,780

Пэм Бонди! Она пропала!

00:07:42,820 --> 00:07:44,380

Она только что сидела здесь!

00:07:44,540 --> 00:07:45,620

- Пэм?

- Пэм?

00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:46,850

Где Пэм Бонди?

00:07:47,230 --> 00:07:48,400

Я же здесь, сэр!

00:07:49,130 --> 00:07:50,060

Опять оно!

00:07:50,290 --> 00:07:51,030

Что такое?

00:07:51,050 --> 00:07:52,690

У тебя опять говно на носу!

00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:55,200

Да боже мой! Откуда оно берётся?!

00:07:55,470 --> 00:07:57,080

Оно опять куда-то пропало!

00:08:03,140 --> 00:08:05,440

ДОМ ПРЕСТАРЕЛЫХ «ЦАРСТВО ТЕНЕЙ»

00:08:09,020 --> 00:08:11,780

Доброе утро, старички! Сейчас 6:30 утра!

00:08:11,820 --> 00:08:14,300

Просыпайтесь и принимайте утренние лекарства!

00:08:14,330 --> 00:08:16,160

Вашу мать, пол седьмого?

00:08:16,290 --> 00:08:18,210

Ага, полная жесть, правда?

00:08:20,890 --> 00:08:23,090

СООБЩЕСТВА

«САУС ПАРК ОТСТОЙ»

00:08:23,210 --> 00:08:25,330

ВСТУПИЛО 756 000 ЧЕЛОВЕК

00:08:26,510 --> 00:08:27,470

Ну охренеть!

00:08:28,020 --> 00:08:28,650

Чего?

00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:30,260

Просто охренеть!

00:08:30,750 --> 00:08:33,620

765 000 лайков, пацаны!

00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:35,550

Мы огромную онлайн-толпу собрали!

00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:38,080

Ого, не знал, что столько с нами согласны!

00:08:38,190 --> 00:08:41,400

Я думал, человек пятьдесят

из школы будет. Обалдеть!

00:08:41,490 --> 00:08:44,130

Мы привлеки внимание, что будем делать дальше?

00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:47,680

В смысле что, чел? Пришло время второй фазы.

00:08:50,220 --> 00:08:52,420

Друзья мои, если вы зашли сюда,

00:08:52,430 --> 00:08:56,920

значит вы сыты по горло тем,

что творится с нашим городом.

00:08:57,050 --> 00:08:59,270

Мы все жаждем перемен в обществе.

00:08:59,570 --> 00:09:03,610

Теперь у вас есть шанс заявить о своей позиции.

00:09:03,730 --> 00:09:07,760

Представляю вам криптовалюту ««СаусПаркОтстой»»!

00:09:07,820 --> 00:09:11,680

Мем-токен, с которым вы станете

частью растущего сообщества!

00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:15,000

До политики наш город был просто замечательным!

00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:18,290

Покупайте наш мемкоин

по невероятно низкой цене.

00:09:18,420 --> 00:09:21,680

Всего 9.95, но он может скакнуть в разы!

00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:23,080

Чего? Мемкоин?

00:09:23,140 --> 00:09:24,570

Хотите перемен?

00:09:24,780 --> 00:09:27,560

Тогда покупайте коин

на сауспаркотстой.com.

00:09:27,750 --> 00:09:30,120

Стэн Марш не финансовый советник

и не работает в финучреждении.

00:09:30,140 --> 00:09:32,700

Цифровые активы высоко волатильны и сопряжены

с риском, включая потерю всех средств.

00:09:32,750 --> 00:09:34,470

Владение «СаусПаркОтстой»-коином

не предоставляет право на капитал,

00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:36,080

долю прибыли или право

собственности на платформу или проект.

00:09:36,100 --> 00:09:37,930

Участие добровольно и должно

осуществляется только лицами,

00:09:37,940 --> 00:09:39,570

которые понимают риски, связанные с блокчейном.

00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:42,020

«СаусПаркОтстой»-коин не регулируется ЦБ

или другим финучреждением.

00:09:42,030 --> 00:09:43,590

Ознакомьтесь с информацией

и обратитесь к финансовому консультанту,

00:09:43,590 --> 00:09:44,770

прежде чем совершать

операции с цифровыми активами.

00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:38,410

Сука!

00:10:38,570 --> 00:10:39,210

Чёрт!

00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:40,170

Что?

00:10:40,350 --> 00:10:41,810

Там Женщина в шляпе!

00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:44,250

Я тебя не понимаю.

00:10:44,300 --> 00:10:45,360

Женщина в шляпе!

00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:47,620

Она, сука, в моём туалете!

00:10:50,500 --> 00:10:52,070

Мы дважды всё проверили, сэр.

00:10:52,130 --> 00:10:55,490

Все двери наружу заперты.

И окна никто не взламывал.

00:10:55,620 --> 00:10:58,460

А президент говорит, что он что-то видел.

00:10:58,710 --> 00:11:00,000

Как он себя чувствует?

00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:01,150

Ещё в шоке.

00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:04,490

Пэм Бонди там успокаивает его и делает приятно.

00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:07,160

Пэм?

00:11:08,610 --> 00:11:09,780

Господи боже!

00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:19,560

Стэн, что мы делаем?

00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:22,360

В смысле? Хотим всё поменять.

00:11:23,070 --> 00:11:24,680

Торгуя криптовалютой?

00:11:25,210 --> 00:11:29,100

Мы обсуждаем проблемы города

и зарабатываем. Что такого?

00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:30,360

Ага, чего плохого?

00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:33,720

Приходится, Кайл. Мне девять,

а я живу в доме престарелых.

00:11:33,980 --> 00:11:38,400

Реально думаешь, что крипта поможет?

Ты понимаешь, как всё работает?

00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:43,070

У нас есть компетентный советник

по крипте. Твой кузен с запада.

00:11:43,930 --> 00:11:44,960

Мой кузен?!

00:11:45,540 --> 00:11:47,300

Я вернулся!

00:11:47,690 --> 00:11:50,340

У вашего коина неплохой прирост, парни.

00:11:50,370 --> 00:11:51,800

Предпродажи огонь!

00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:54,520

Уже сто штук подняли даже до лока ликвидности.

00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:55,980

Отличная динамика роста!

00:11:56,210 --> 00:11:58,160

И нам ничего платить не надо?

00:11:58,380 --> 00:12:01,860

Ничего. Вы создатели коина, вы собираете прибыль.

00:12:02,250 --> 00:12:03,300

Я же говорил.

00:12:03,370 --> 00:12:04,720

Просто обалденно!

00:12:04,730 --> 00:12:07,960

Надо поддержать шумиху

вокруг «СаусПаркОтстой»-коина.

00:12:08,010 --> 00:12:11,810

Чтобы разогнать у людей

страх упущенной выгоды ещё больше!

00:12:12,140 --> 00:12:15,810

Пацаны, всё ведь не ради коина, всё это ради людей!

00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:17,060

Неплохо звучит.

00:12:17,250 --> 00:12:18,340

Да, идеально.

00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:20,170

«Это не ради коина — всё ради людей».

00:12:20,390 --> 00:12:22,330

Смекалистый вышел лозунг, ага.

00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:25,980

А когда можно деньги забрать?

Они мне срочно нужны.

00:12:26,290 --> 00:12:28,890

Устроим классический слив через пару дней.

00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:32,640

Когда качнём до максимума,

я зарегаю MSB через Правительство.

00:12:32,970 --> 00:12:34,940

Что? Правительство? Как-то сложно.

00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:36,620

Да нет, всё просто.

00:12:36,660 --> 00:12:38,900

Криптокоррупция в Белом доме цветёт.

00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:42,110

Мы нагреем на бабки кучу народу, будет супер!

00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:55,760

Дааа?

00:12:56,270 --> 00:12:59,040

Здрасьте, мы исследуем паранормальщину.

00:12:59,100 --> 00:13:02,740

Нас пригласили по поводу

таинственной Женщины в шляпе.

00:13:04,050 --> 00:13:06,880

А я... Стивен Миллер.

00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:11,680

Советник президента США по внутренней

безопасности и иммиграции.

00:13:14,420 --> 00:13:16,620

Прошу вас, входите.

00:13:22,410 --> 00:13:24,070

Господи, просто невероятно!

00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:28,360

Субъект оставляет некое

вязкое вещество у неё на носу.

00:13:28,990 --> 00:13:30,460

И что это за херня?!

00:13:30,660 --> 00:13:34,530

Иногда бывает, что духовная энергия

проявляет себя физически.

00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:37,450

Это как мост между миром духов и нашим.

00:13:37,580 --> 00:13:41,500

В вашем случае, она проявляется

в виде некой... ректоплазмы.

00:13:41,980 --> 00:13:43,070

Ректоплазма?

00:13:43,380 --> 00:13:44,790

Из чего она состоит?

00:13:44,980 --> 00:13:46,010

Умопомрачительно!

00:13:46,100 --> 00:13:49,850

Ректоплазма на 54% — сэндвич филе-о-фиш!

00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:53,310

Охренеть! Я ел такой сэндвич вчера вечером!

00:13:53,380 --> 00:13:54,280

Господи...

00:13:54,430 --> 00:13:57,530

А ещё в ней 28% Taco Bell.

00:13:57,860 --> 00:14:01,360

Господи боже! Я ел Taco Bell сегодня утром!

00:14:01,380 --> 00:14:02,480

Что всё это значит?

00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:06,190

А ещё в ней 14%... её же кончи!

00:14:06,580 --> 00:14:08,700

Вашу мать! Я ж съел...

00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:13,510

Эм... Ай-яй-яй! Ой!

00:14:13,870 --> 00:14:16,100

Так! Пэм! Разберись с ними!

00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:21,250

Это суперэкстренный выпуск Fox News!

00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:23,580

Двоих исследователей паранормальщины

00:14:23,580 --> 00:14:26,820

федеральный суд обвинил

в фальсификации данных!

00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:29,000

Президент сказал, что плохие люди

00:14:29,020 --> 00:14:32,200

манипулировали отчётами

для создания фейковых новостей.

00:14:32,510 --> 00:14:36,080

Обвинение вынесла

генеральный прокурор Пэм Бонди.

00:14:36,150 --> 00:14:41,150

Цитата: «Президент просто потрясающий человек,

даже если он ест собственное семя».

00:14:41,220 --> 00:14:45,200

К другим новостям. Многие говорят, что Саус Парк отстой.

00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:49,940

Городок в горах Колорадо стал

горячей точкой политических дебатов.

00:14:49,980 --> 00:14:54,280

Трое местных парней из поколения Альфа

поклялись положить этому конец.

00:14:55,390 --> 00:14:56,490

Так, растём.

00:14:56,900 --> 00:14:58,030

Летим на луну...

00:14:58,950 --> 00:15:01,810

Всё, хорош! Нам уже хватит. Можно сливать.

00:15:02,690 --> 00:15:03,970

Да, всё ровно.

00:15:04,330 --> 00:15:06,100

Я еду на поезде Acela.

00:15:06,140 --> 00:15:08,970

Буду на месте в 18:30, встречусь с Доном-младшим.

00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:11,960

Получу одобрение Белого дома, и можно сливать.

00:15:11,980 --> 00:15:12,840

Всё, я пас.

00:15:13,220 --> 00:15:13,840

Кайл?

00:15:15,510 --> 00:15:16,380

Кайл, стой!

00:15:17,850 --> 00:15:20,600

Чел, не уходи! Ты знаешь, сколько мы срубим?!

00:15:20,870 --> 00:15:23,300

Я думал тебя достала эта херня, Стэн.

00:15:23,470 --> 00:15:24,170

Достала!

00:15:24,450 --> 00:15:28,070

А какого ты тогда хочешь слить

коин в сговоре с Правительством?

00:15:28,370 --> 00:15:30,580

Бро, мир теперь такой. Угомонись!

00:15:30,860 --> 00:15:33,660

Мы хотя бы ведём себя

по-взрослому и что-то контролируем!

00:15:33,690 --> 00:15:35,720

Кенни наконец-то что-то делает!

00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:36,960

Ага, я что-то делаю!

00:15:37,340 --> 00:15:39,700

Хреново жить в доме престарелых, Стэн.

00:15:39,790 --> 00:15:42,630

Но ничего не изменится, если думать только о себе.

00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:06,690

Дааа?

00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:10,960

Я представляю криптовалюту «СаусПаркОтстой».

00:16:10,990 --> 00:16:14,250

Мы пытаемся нагреть людей на бабки.

Трамп-младший дома?

00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:17,490

Да, точно, он вас уже ожидает.

00:16:17,940 --> 00:16:19,790

Прошу, входите.

00:16:26,030 --> 00:16:28,100

Боже, какие у вас тут сквозняки.

00:16:28,170 --> 00:16:30,670

Простите за эти неудобства.

00:16:30,940 --> 00:16:34,440

Хозяин снёс восточное крыло и пробудил силы зла.

00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:40,790

Боже, это же мумия!

00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:46,380

Нет, это Председатель ФКС.

Он просто лишился свободы слова.

00:16:48,290 --> 00:16:49,030

Идёмте.

00:16:49,250 --> 00:16:52,580

Дон-младший... ждёт вас там.

00:16:58,300 --> 00:17:00,520

Спасибо за эту встречу, Дон-младший.

00:17:00,530 --> 00:17:04,560

У нас очень вкачанная криптовалюта,

нужна ваша помощь со сливом.

00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:09,090

Я очень заинтересован. Потому что

я просто обожаю большие криптосливы.

00:17:09,290 --> 00:17:13,080

Простите, что я так поздно, но каждая минута важна.

00:17:15,390 --> 00:17:18,290

Нужно, чтобы все собрались в столовой.

00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:19,570

Это срочно.

00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:22,510

Что? В столовой? Зачем?

00:17:22,780 --> 00:17:25,070

Мы будем проводить особый сеанс.

00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:28,000

Пришла пора пообщаться с этим духом.

00:17:29,460 --> 00:17:31,630

С кем? С духом? С каким духом?

00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:38,300

Ну чего? Цена крипты падает!

00:17:38,370 --> 00:17:41,080

Я вижу, что она падает! Чего он там делает?!

00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:42,200

Не отвечает?

00:17:42,450 --> 00:17:44,760

Вы звоните в бюро «Качай и Сливай».

00:17:44,890 --> 00:17:47,970

Мы поможем вам нагревать людей.

Оставьте сообщение.

00:17:48,970 --> 00:17:50,260

Да чего нахер такое?!

00:17:50,290 --> 00:17:53,090

Цена токена была на пике, она падает!

00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:55,860

Нам срочно нужно одобрение Белого дома!

00:17:56,190 --> 00:17:57,170

Вот сука!

00:17:57,250 --> 00:17:59,320

А нельзя без одобрения?

00:17:59,390 --> 00:18:01,870

Я не знаю, Кенни! Заткнись ты уже!

00:18:07,390 --> 00:18:09,260

Господи, как-то жутковато. ...

00:18:09,850 --> 00:18:12,110

Мы будем ужинать? У меня аллергия на молочку.

00:18:12,670 --> 00:18:15,290

Прошу всех положить ладони на стол.

00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:22,670

Я обращаюсь к сущности, что обитает в этом доме.

00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:27,080

Можем быстро обсудить дела?

Мне очень срочно надо.

00:18:27,860 --> 00:18:29,610

Мы знаем, тебе грустно.

00:18:30,260 --> 00:18:32,700

И знаем, что тебе... одиноко.

00:18:33,460 --> 00:18:37,160

Но мы очень просим тебя

оставить Президента в покое.

00:18:39,970 --> 00:18:42,490

Господи, это прям реально страшно.

00:18:42,530 --> 00:18:44,930

Президент чудесный человек!

00:18:45,210 --> 00:18:48,540

Он не заслуживает таких пыток!

00:18:48,810 --> 00:18:50,010

Пэм! Пэм!

00:18:52,690 --> 00:18:54,740

О, беспокойный дух!

00:18:54,950 --> 00:18:58,050

Мы лишь хотим с тобой поговорить!

00:19:00,630 --> 00:19:02,700

Охренеть! Вон она! Прям там!

00:19:02,950 --> 00:19:03,930

Что это такое?

00:19:05,870 --> 00:19:07,740

Притворство!

00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:10,740

Притворствооо!

00:19:10,980 --> 00:19:13,000

Босс, может прекратить всё это?

00:19:13,310 --> 00:19:15,310

Нет, я хочу услышать, что оно скажет!

00:19:17,380 --> 00:19:19,670

Эээпштейн!!!

00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:21,530

Хотя нет, всё, заканчиваем.

00:19:21,940 --> 00:19:23,100

Ты!

00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:27,070

Что?.. Ты?

00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:27,970

Что он сделал?

00:19:28,180 --> 00:19:30,750

Он лжёёёт!

00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:32,910

Ах ты сука тупая!

00:19:33,060 --> 00:19:35,170

Коррупция!

00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:36,810

Да не одержима она!

00:19:36,830 --> 00:19:39,710

Сраная Пэм Бонди просто хочет на мой пост!

00:19:42,020 --> 00:19:43,490

Господи, как страшно!

00:19:43,580 --> 00:19:44,670

Лооожь!

00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:48,050

Всё, я пошёл отсюда!/

00:19:50,420 --> 00:19:51,210

Господи!

00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:55,950

Ну ладно, хватит! Это правда!

00:19:56,870 --> 00:19:59,280

Мы врём людям и обманываем их!

00:19:59,500 --> 00:20:02,840

Мы невероятно нажились на крипте! Господи боже!

00:20:03,180 --> 00:20:04,700

Мы врали, жульничали!

00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:07,630

Крипта — это отмыв денег, чтобы богатые богатели!

00:20:07,630 --> 00:20:09,340

Умоляю, не преследуй нас!

00:20:09,430 --> 00:20:12,290

Мы просим прощения! Мы все раскаиваемся!

00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,960

Вы смотрите Fox News!

00:20:18,140 --> 00:20:19,410

Америка!

00:20:19,830 --> 00:20:25,570

Огромная криптосхема была раскрыта

в Белом доме. И вот кто её организатор.

00:20:25,790 --> 00:20:28,720

Мстительный дух, который

объявился в восточном крыле,

00:20:28,730 --> 00:20:31,160

раскрыл предателя на сеансе прошлой ночью.

00:20:31,170 --> 00:20:35,010

Этот человек сядет на десять лет

за крупное мошенничество.

00:20:35,050 --> 00:20:39,010

Обвинительный приговор опять,

само собой, вынесла Пэм Бонди.

00:20:39,100 --> 00:20:45,500

Цитата: «Мы и дальше продолжим сажать всех,

кто скажет хоть что-то плохое о нашем президенте».

00:20:45,530 --> 00:20:49,230

ДОМ ПРЕСТАРЕЛЫХ «ЦАРСТВО ТЕНЕЙ»

00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:51,690

Прости, Кайл. Зря я тебя не послушал.

00:20:54,510 --> 00:20:58,730

Видимо, невозможно вернуться

к тому, как было раньше.

00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:01,710

Всё вернётся, Стэн.

00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:05,440

Сейчас в это трудно поверить,

но всё станет нормальным.

00:21:06,110 --> 00:21:09,860

А пока... надо выжимать максимум из того, что есть.

00:21:14,340 --> 00:21:17,170

Дорогие старички, давайте потанцуем.

00:21:21,950 --> 00:21:24,560

Ой, как здорово, старички! Класс!

00:21:35,220 --> 00:21:41,950

Переведено студией HDrezka Studio.

00:00:10,488 --> 00:00:12,446

♪ Gonna have myself a time

00:00:12,447 --> 00:00:13,883

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:13,970 --> 00:00:15,754

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,885 --> 00:00:16,973

♪ I'm goin' down

to South Park ♪

00:00:17,104 --> 00:00:18,930

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,931 --> 00:00:20,672

♪ Ample parking day

or night ♪

00:00:20,759 --> 00:00:22,457

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor" ♪

00:00:22,544 --> 00:00:23,675

♪ I'm headin' on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:23,762 --> 00:00:25,808

♪ Gonna see

if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:30,333

♪ Come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:30,334 --> 00:00:32,119

♪ And meet some friends

of mine ♪

00:00:48,309 --> 00:00:50,528

How was school today, bud?

00:00:50,659 --> 00:00:53,400

It was fine.

00:00:53,401 --> 00:00:55,967

Look, Stan, I know it's been

really hard for you

00:00:55,968 --> 00:00:57,927

the past month,

with us not having a home.

00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,929

Yeah, it sucks.

00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,496

I've tried to find work,

00:01:01,583 --> 00:01:02,975

but there's just not a lot

out there.

00:01:03,106 --> 00:01:04,325

And with

the government shutdown,

00:01:04,455 --> 00:01:07,196

I can't get my job back

with the USGS.

00:01:07,197 --> 00:01:10,504

Times are hard,

and I know we all miss Tegridy.

00:01:10,505 --> 00:01:12,419

I don't miss Tegridy, Dad.

00:01:12,420 --> 00:01:14,552

I just hate that our family

is living in a motel.

00:01:14,683 --> 00:01:16,163

It's really embarrassing.

00:01:16,250 --> 00:01:18,425

Well, that's what

I need to tell you, Stan.

00:01:18,426 --> 00:01:21,384

There's some good news--

we're moving out of the motel.

00:01:21,385 --> 00:01:24,170

Wait, really?

We can live in a house again?

00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:26,738

Well, no, we can't afford

a house, so...

00:01:26,825 --> 00:01:29,089

we're moving in

with your grandpa.

00:01:29,176 --> 00:01:31,352

Moving in with Grandpa?

00:01:34,529 --> 00:01:36,313

This is a bunch of bull crap!

00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,358

First you stick me

in this place,

00:01:38,359 --> 00:01:40,404

and then you all come along?

00:01:40,535 --> 00:01:41,927

Pretty nice, huh, guys?

00:01:42,058 --> 00:01:43,842

There's a TV, a microwave,

00:01:43,973 --> 00:01:46,017

and we have Bingo on Thursdays.

00:01:46,018 --> 00:01:47,889

There has to be somewhere else

we can live.

00:01:47,890 --> 00:01:49,500

Come on, Stan.

00:01:49,631 --> 00:01:51,981

You have that space over there

by Grandpa's shit pan.

00:01:52,068 --> 00:01:53,590

You can't make me stay here.

00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:55,158

This is completely inhumane.

00:01:55,289 --> 00:01:56,768

That's what I said!

00:01:56,899 --> 00:01:58,900

Didn't work.

00:02:15,265 --> 00:02:17,789

OK, so then over here

is where you're gonna have

00:02:17,876 --> 00:02:20,182

the big golden pillars

that you guys wanted.

00:02:20,183 --> 00:02:21,576

Ah, yeah! That's great!

00:02:21,663 --> 00:02:23,359

OK, and then right over here

00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:25,232

is where we're gonna put

your dance floor.

00:02:25,362 --> 00:02:26,581

All right!

00:02:26,668 --> 00:02:28,452

Wait, dance floor?

00:02:28,539 --> 00:02:30,585

I thought we were

knocking the East Wing down

00:02:30,672 --> 00:02:33,370

to make room for the nursery.

00:02:33,457 --> 00:02:36,024

- The what?

- The nursery!

00:02:36,025 --> 00:02:38,505

You said all this remodeling

was for the baby,

00:02:38,506 --> 00:02:40,942

not to make room for more

of your stupid parties.

00:02:40,943 --> 00:02:43,031

Hey, relax, guy!

00:02:43,032 --> 00:02:45,468

We can just stick the baby

in the bathroom or something.

00:02:45,469 --> 00:02:49,994

Wow! OK, so obviously I have

no say in this remodel.

00:02:49,995 --> 00:02:51,562

Mr. President, sir.

00:02:51,693 --> 00:02:54,435

I'm very sorry, but we need to

speak with you urgently.

00:02:54,565 --> 00:02:56,393

It's a matter

of national security.

00:03:00,092 --> 00:03:03,052

We don't want to frighten you,

Mr. President,

00:03:03,139 --> 00:03:05,707

but we've received intelligence

00:03:05,794 --> 00:03:10,624

that someone might be trying to

stop your baby from being born.

00:03:10,625 --> 00:03:11,756

What?

00:03:11,843 --> 00:03:13,715

Who?

00:03:13,845 --> 00:03:16,107

Hey! Relax, guy!

00:03:16,108 --> 00:03:17,936

We don't know who yet, sir,

00:03:18,067 --> 00:03:20,374

but Pam Bondi has been

looking into it.

00:03:20,504 --> 00:03:22,766

That's right, sir,

we won't let any harm

00:03:22,767 --> 00:03:25,682

come to the baby of the greatest

president that ever lived.

00:03:25,683 --> 00:03:27,337

You are without equal, sir--

- Uh, hey, Pam.

00:03:27,468 --> 00:03:29,338

And we are honored to be--

Pam. Pam, sorry.

00:03:29,339 --> 00:03:31,428

You got a little shit

on your nose there.

00:03:31,515 --> 00:03:34,256

Oh, do I?

00:03:34,257 --> 00:03:35,215

Did I get it?

00:03:35,302 --> 00:03:36,738

No, it's still there.

00:03:36,868 --> 00:03:39,001

If someone is trying

to harm the baby,

00:03:39,088 --> 00:03:40,871

then we must know who.

00:03:40,872 --> 00:03:44,224

Well, there is...

one theory.

00:03:46,878 --> 00:03:51,360

Some people believe that

by demolishing the East Wing,

00:03:51,361 --> 00:03:56,496

we may have unleashed

some sort of... wrath.

00:03:57,759 --> 00:04:00,718

What kind of wrath?

00:04:00,849 --> 00:04:03,025

Vengeful...

00:04:03,112 --> 00:04:04,287

wrath.

00:04:18,780 --> 00:04:20,520

What the hell is going on?

00:04:20,521 --> 00:04:23,131

I was supposed to be

in Washington.

00:04:23,132 --> 00:04:25,787

There has been a change

in plan, Mr. Thiel.

00:04:25,917 --> 00:04:28,920

They are on to us

at the White House.

00:04:29,051 --> 00:04:30,312

But how?

00:04:30,313 --> 00:04:32,401

How did they find out?

00:04:32,402 --> 00:04:34,361

Someone must have heard us

talking.

00:04:34,491 --> 00:04:36,753

Do you still have the child?

00:04:36,754 --> 00:04:38,146

Yes, he's here.

00:04:38,147 --> 00:04:40,366

I have him heavily sedated.

00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:42,934

It should last

another six, seven hours.

00:04:44,153 --> 00:04:45,502

Six, seven!

00:04:45,589 --> 00:04:47,591

But I can't keep him here

forever.

00:04:47,722 --> 00:04:51,420

You'll just have to wait

until it is safe.

00:04:51,421 --> 00:04:54,859

I think some brownnoser here

is after my job.

00:05:06,088 --> 00:05:07,350

Hey.

00:05:07,481 --> 00:05:09,309

Come on in.

00:05:13,617 --> 00:05:16,228

You guys can't tell anybody

that I'm living here.

00:05:16,359 --> 00:05:18,229

Stan, you shouldn't be

embarrassed, all right?

00:05:18,230 --> 00:05:19,797

Everyone's having a hard time

right now.

00:05:19,928 --> 00:05:21,538

Yeah, everyone's having

a hard time.

00:05:21,625 --> 00:05:22,973

And you know what

the problem is?

00:05:22,974 --> 00:05:24,367

Nobody's doing anything

about it.

00:05:24,498 --> 00:05:25,759

How many weeks has it been now,

00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:28,065

dealing with one stupid thing

after another?

00:05:28,066 --> 00:05:30,590

The truth is, I think a lot of

people are just afraid to admit

00:05:30,591 --> 00:05:33,767

that South Park sucks now.

00:05:33,768 --> 00:05:35,246

South Park sucks now?

00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:37,248

Yeah, everyone knows it.

South Park sucks now.

00:05:37,249 --> 00:05:39,207

And it's because of

all this political shit.

00:05:39,208 --> 00:05:41,253

We're just getting totally

bogged down in it.

00:05:41,384 --> 00:05:42,994

Remember when we

used to do stuff?

00:05:43,125 --> 00:05:44,474

Just us guys?

00:05:44,605 --> 00:05:45,910

Ever since all this

political crap took over,

00:05:45,997 --> 00:05:47,607

it's like--what?

00:05:47,608 --> 00:05:49,000

Like--like what happened to us?

00:05:49,087 --> 00:05:50,566

Like, Kenny, I haven't even

heard you say anything

00:05:50,567 --> 00:05:52,177

in, like, four months.

00:05:54,092 --> 00:05:55,224

You see? That's what I mean!

00:05:55,311 --> 00:05:56,921

We don't even know what to say.

00:05:57,052 --> 00:05:59,227

South Park's getting ruined,

and all of us Gen Alpha kids

00:05:59,228 --> 00:06:00,664

are just sitting here,

watching it happen.

00:06:00,795 --> 00:06:02,840

- You're right, dude.

- Yeah!

00:06:02,971 --> 00:06:04,189

But what do we do?

00:06:05,887 --> 00:06:07,932

I know exactly what to do.

00:06:09,804 --> 00:06:11,239

Hey, guys,

are you sick and tired

00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:12,546

of what's happening to our town?

00:06:12,676 --> 00:06:14,808

Do you feel like it's broken

and going nowhere?

00:06:14,809 --> 00:06:16,463

Then click below

and join our online community

00:06:16,593 --> 00:06:18,072

at South Park Sucks Now.

00:06:18,073 --> 00:06:19,509

Things are clearly

not right here,

00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,031

and if you're like us,

you are fed up!

00:06:21,032 --> 00:06:22,512

South Park Sucks Now!

00:06:22,643 --> 00:06:24,819

So please, like and subscribe,

smash the button, upvote--

00:06:24,906 --> 00:06:26,080

whatever the hell

you need to do,

00:06:26,081 --> 00:06:29,171

because together,

we can make a difference.

00:06:34,916 --> 00:06:37,266

Mr. President,

we don't want you to be afraid.

00:06:37,353 --> 00:06:40,443

Tell us exactly what it is

you think you saw.

00:06:42,227 --> 00:06:44,404

Ever since I tore down

the East Wing, there's...

00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:46,187

this thing

00:06:46,188 --> 00:06:49,104

that keeps appearing.

00:06:49,234 --> 00:06:51,933

What kind of thing?

00:06:52,063 --> 00:06:54,195

Sometimes I see it

in a mirror.

00:06:54,196 --> 00:06:56,111

Or in the hallway.

00:06:56,241 --> 00:06:58,286

President Trump,

you are an incredible man.

00:06:58,287 --> 00:07:00,549

Whatever this is,

we have your back.

00:07:00,550 --> 00:07:02,899

Uh, Pam. Pam, you got some

shit on your nose again.

00:07:02,900 --> 00:07:04,858

Oh, really?

00:07:04,859 --> 00:07:07,469

Mr. President,

this entity you speak of,

00:07:07,470 --> 00:07:09,298

how many times has it appeared?

00:07:09,385 --> 00:07:11,953

It appears more and more

lately.

00:07:12,083 --> 00:07:13,649

I-I can't get away from it.

00:07:13,650 --> 00:07:14,956

It's everywhere I go.

00:07:16,610 --> 00:07:18,915

It's here right now.

00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:20,265

In the corner.

00:07:24,835 --> 00:07:27,882

I'm pretty sure

that's your wife, sir.

00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:29,753

My wife?

00:07:29,884 --> 00:07:31,276

What does it want?

00:07:34,410 --> 00:07:36,933

Maybe it's somehow

trying to communicate.

00:07:36,934 --> 00:07:39,110

Don't worry, we won't let

anything happen to you.

00:07:39,197 --> 00:07:40,721

Ah!

Where did Pam Bondi go?

00:07:40,851 --> 00:07:42,940

- What?

- Pam Bondi! She's gone!

00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:44,464

But she was sitting

right here!

00:07:44,551 --> 00:07:45,508

- Pam?

- Pam?

00:07:45,639 --> 00:07:47,162

Where's Pam Bondi?

00:07:47,292 --> 00:07:48,642

I'm right here, sir!

00:07:48,772 --> 00:07:51,209

- Look, it's back.

- What's back?

00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:52,906

You've got some shit

on your nose again.

00:07:52,907 --> 00:07:55,561

Oh, my God! What is going on?

00:07:55,562 --> 00:07:57,085

That thing!

It's not there anymore.

00:08:00,044 --> 00:08:01,437

Ah!

00:08:09,140 --> 00:08:10,271

Good morning, seniors.

00:08:10,272 --> 00:08:12,142

It's 6:30 a.m.

00:08:12,143 --> 00:08:14,276

Rise and shine

for your morning medication.

00:08:14,363 --> 00:08:16,365

Ugh, God, 6:30?

00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:18,280

Yeah, it fucking sucks,

doesn't it?

00:08:26,375 --> 00:08:27,767

Holy shit.

00:08:27,768 --> 00:08:28,812

What?

00:08:28,943 --> 00:08:30,552

Holy shit.

00:08:30,553 --> 00:08:33,687

756,000 likes, you guys.

00:08:33,817 --> 00:08:36,036

We just built a massive

online community.

00:08:36,037 --> 00:08:38,387

Wow. I can't believe

how many people agree with us.

00:08:38,474 --> 00:08:40,344

I thought we could get 50 or

60 kids from school to sign up,

00:08:40,345 --> 00:08:41,868

but this is incredible.

00:08:41,869 --> 00:08:43,217

All right,

we've got everyone's attention.

00:08:43,218 --> 00:08:44,392

So what do we do now?

00:08:44,393 --> 00:08:46,220

What do you mean, dude?

It's obvious.

00:08:46,221 --> 00:08:47,744

It's time for phase two.

00:08:50,399 --> 00:08:52,444

Hey, guys, if you've come here,

00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:54,620

then you're likely joining

the chorus of voices

00:08:54,621 --> 00:08:57,014

that's fed up with the direction

our town is going.

00:08:57,145 --> 00:08:59,626

We all want change

in our community.

00:08:59,756 --> 00:09:01,540

And now there's an opportunity

00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,846

to truly make your voices heard.

00:09:03,847 --> 00:09:08,025

Introducing the South Park

Sucks Now cryptocurrency coin.

00:09:08,156 --> 00:09:10,026

This digital meme token

is your way to be a part

00:09:10,027 --> 00:09:12,072

of the fastest-growing community

in America.

00:09:12,073 --> 00:09:14,204

This used to be a great town

before all the politics came

00:09:14,205 --> 00:09:15,466

and ruined it all.

00:09:15,467 --> 00:09:16,772

Get in on our crypto meme coin

00:09:16,773 --> 00:09:18,340

with this incredible

presale offer.

00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:19,993

Each coin is just $9.95,

00:09:19,994 --> 00:09:21,604

but could be worth

ten times that overnight!

00:09:21,735 --> 00:09:23,214

Wait, a meme coin?

00:09:23,301 --> 00:09:24,911

Do you want South Park

to change?

00:09:24,912 --> 00:09:27,783

Then order your coin today

at SouthParkSucksNow.com.

00:09:27,784 --> 00:09:29,002

Stan Marsh is not

a financial advisor

00:09:29,003 --> 00:09:30,046

affiliated with

any financial institution.

00:09:30,047 --> 00:09:31,004

Digital assets

are highly volatile

00:09:31,005 --> 00:09:32,005

and may involve

significant risk,

00:09:32,006 --> 00:09:33,094

including loss of all funds.

00:09:33,224 --> 00:09:34,660

Ownership of South Park

Sucks Now Coin

00:09:34,661 --> 00:09:35,704

does not represent equity,

profit sharing, or ownership

00:09:35,705 --> 00:09:37,141

of any company platform

or project.

00:09:37,272 --> 00:09:38,272

Participation is voluntary

and should only be undertaken

00:09:38,273 --> 00:09:39,230

by individuals who fully

understand the risks

00:09:39,317 --> 00:09:40,492

associated with

block chain assets.

00:09:40,623 --> 00:09:41,885

South Park Sucks Now Coin

is not registered with

00:09:41,972 --> 00:09:43,321

or regulated by the SEC

or any financial authority.

00:09:43,452 --> 00:09:44,758

Please review all disclosures

and consult a licensed financial

00:09:44,888 --> 00:09:45,367

advisor before engaging in

digital asset transactions.

00:10:35,373 --> 00:10:37,419

Ahh!

00:10:37,506 --> 00:10:38,637

Ah, fuck!

00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,334

Fuck!

- What?

00:10:40,335 --> 00:10:42,902

It's the Woman in the Hat!

00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:44,338

What are you talking about?

00:10:44,339 --> 00:10:45,514

The Woman in the Hat!

00:10:45,601 --> 00:10:47,908

She's in the fucking bathroom!

00:10:50,519 --> 00:10:52,302

We've double checked

everything, sir.

00:10:52,303 --> 00:10:53,869

All the exterior doors

are locked.

00:10:53,870 --> 00:10:55,654

No windows have been breached.

00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,178

And yet the president swears

00:10:57,308 --> 00:10:58,700

something was

in the room with him.

00:10:58,701 --> 00:11:00,136

Is he going to be all right?

00:11:00,137 --> 00:11:01,485

Pretty shaken.

00:11:01,486 --> 00:11:02,966

Pam Bondi is in there now

00:11:03,053 --> 00:11:04,533

trying to calm him down

and make him feel better.

00:11:06,622 --> 00:11:08,449

Pam?

00:11:08,450 --> 00:11:09,885

Oh, my God!

00:11:17,633 --> 00:11:20,418

Stan, what are we doing?

00:11:20,549 --> 00:11:22,682

What do you mean, dude?

We're trying to change things.

00:11:22,769 --> 00:11:25,205

By selling cryptocurrency?

00:11:25,206 --> 00:11:27,077

What's wrong with trying

to make a little money

00:11:27,208 --> 00:11:29,339

while also pointing out the

things wrong with our town?

00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:30,601

Yeah, what's wrong with that?

00:11:30,602 --> 00:11:31,865

I have to do something, Kyle.

00:11:31,995 --> 00:11:34,040

I'm nine years old

and I live in a retirement home.

00:11:34,041 --> 00:11:36,346

And you really think

crypto is your way out?

00:11:36,347 --> 00:11:38,784

Do you even know anything

about how that stuff works?

00:11:38,785 --> 00:11:41,396

Well, actually, we have

a really strong crypto advisor--

00:11:41,526 --> 00:11:43,746

your cousin on the east coast.

00:11:43,877 --> 00:11:45,486

My cousin?

00:11:45,487 --> 00:11:47,836

I'm back!

00:11:47,837 --> 00:11:49,404

All right, looks like

we've got a lot of movement

00:11:49,534 --> 00:11:50,579

on your coin, boys.

00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:52,450

The presale really popped.

00:11:52,537 --> 00:11:54,582

We cleared 100 grand in volume

before liquidity even locked.

00:11:54,583 --> 00:11:56,193

The token's really got traction.

00:11:56,324 --> 00:11:58,456

And we don't ever have to pay

anything, right?

00:11:58,587 --> 00:12:00,720

Nope, you never pay anything.

You guys created the coin,

00:12:00,807 --> 00:12:01,938

so all you do is profit from it.

00:12:02,025 --> 00:12:03,331

See? I told you.

00:12:05,028 --> 00:12:06,247

Now we just need to keep

creating hype

00:12:06,377 --> 00:12:08,249

around the South Park Sucks Now

digital coin,

00:12:08,336 --> 00:12:10,207

so we need to come up with

things to give people FOMO

00:12:10,338 --> 00:12:12,166

and make them ape even harder.

00:12:12,253 --> 00:12:14,168

You guys,

this isn't about a coin.

00:12:14,255 --> 00:12:15,822

It's about a movement.

00:12:15,952 --> 00:12:17,171

Oh, that's really good.

00:12:17,258 --> 00:12:18,649

Yeah, yeah, that's perfect.

00:12:18,650 --> 00:12:20,261

"This isn't about a coin.

It's about a movement."

00:12:20,391 --> 00:12:22,611

Yeah, that's some savvy

Jew Jitsu right there.

00:12:22,698 --> 00:12:23,742

So what kind of time frame

are we looking at

00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:24,786

to get our money?

00:12:24,787 --> 00:12:26,223

I need it as fast as possible.

00:12:26,354 --> 00:12:27,964

Well, I think we're looking at

a classic rug pull

00:12:28,051 --> 00:12:29,183

in just a few days.

00:12:29,270 --> 00:12:30,879

Once we pump the coin

high as it'll go,

00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:32,882

then I can register for an MSB

with the federal government.

00:12:33,013 --> 00:12:35,058

The federal government?

That sounds hard.

00:12:35,189 --> 00:12:36,843

Oh, no, it's gonna be easy.

00:12:36,930 --> 00:12:39,105

The crypto corruption at the

White House is off the chain.

00:12:39,106 --> 00:12:40,584

We're gonna screw a lot of

people out of their money, boys.

00:12:40,585 --> 00:12:42,326

It's gonna be fantastic.

00:12:53,990 --> 00:12:56,253

Yes?

00:12:56,384 --> 00:12:59,213

Uh, yes,

we're paranormal investigators.

00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:00,779

We've been asked to come

and investigate

00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:03,870

the mysterious Woman in the Hat.

00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:07,656

I am Stephen Miller,

00:13:07,743 --> 00:13:10,006

Senior Advisor to the President

for Immigration

00:13:10,093 --> 00:13:11,616

and Domestic Policy.

00:13:14,402 --> 00:13:15,359

Won't you...

00:13:15,446 --> 00:13:17,971

come in?

00:13:22,758 --> 00:13:24,934

Oh, my God, it's incredible.

00:13:25,065 --> 00:13:28,503

Subject is showing some kind of

viscous residue on her nose.

00:13:28,633 --> 00:13:30,679

Well, what the fuck is it?

00:13:30,766 --> 00:13:33,072

Sometimes there's

a physical manifestation

00:13:33,073 --> 00:13:34,682

of spiritual energy--

00:13:34,683 --> 00:13:37,555

a bridge between

the spiritual world and ours.

00:13:37,686 --> 00:13:41,646

In this case, it appears to be

some kind of rectoplasm.

00:13:41,777 --> 00:13:43,473

Rectoplasm?

00:13:43,474 --> 00:13:44,911

What is it made of?

00:13:45,041 --> 00:13:46,520

It's unbelievable!

00:13:46,521 --> 00:13:49,872

The rectoplasm seems to be 54%

Filet-O-Fish sandwich!

00:13:50,003 --> 00:13:51,307

Oh, my God!

00:13:51,308 --> 00:13:53,354

I ate a Filet-O-Fish sandwich

last night!

00:13:53,484 --> 00:13:55,268

- Jesus!

- And it's also...

00:13:55,269 --> 00:13:57,619

28% Taco Bell.

00:13:57,706 --> 00:13:59,142

Oh, my God!

00:13:59,273 --> 00:14:01,274

I ate Taco Bell this morning!

00:14:01,275 --> 00:14:02,710

What does it mean?

00:14:02,711 --> 00:14:06,714

And it's 14% its own cum.

00:14:06,715 --> 00:14:09,413

Oh, my God!

I ate--

00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:16,943

Hey! Pam! Deal with them!

00:14:17,030 --> 00:14:21,512

This is a Fox News

Super Alert!

00:14:21,599 --> 00:14:24,297

Two paranormal investigators

were indicted today

00:14:24,298 --> 00:14:27,430

on federal charges

of falsifying data.

00:14:27,431 --> 00:14:30,130

The president said that the

bad people manipulated readings

00:14:30,260 --> 00:14:32,783

and reports to make fake news.

00:14:32,784 --> 00:14:36,179

The charges were filed

by Attorney General Pam Bondi,

00:14:36,266 --> 00:14:38,747

who said that "the President

is a great man,

00:14:38,834 --> 00:14:40,923

even if he does

eat his own semen."

00:14:41,054 --> 00:14:42,403

In other news,

00:14:42,533 --> 00:14:45,145

many people are saying

that South Park sucks now.

00:14:45,275 --> 00:14:47,277

The small mountain town

in Colorado

00:14:47,408 --> 00:14:50,149

has been a hotbed of political

activity in recent weeks,

00:14:50,150 --> 00:14:51,891

and three local Gen Alpha boys

00:14:51,978 --> 00:14:54,284

are vowing to put a stop to it.

00:14:55,329 --> 00:14:56,896

OK, we're mooning.

00:14:56,983 --> 00:14:58,592

We're mooning...

00:14:58,593 --> 00:15:00,029

All right, that's gotta be it.

00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:01,943

OK, we're done mooning.

I think we're ready to dump.

00:15:03,076 --> 00:15:04,120

OK, sounds good.

00:15:04,207 --> 00:15:06,382

I'm on the Acela train

right now.

00:15:06,383 --> 00:15:09,169

I should be in DC by 6:30

to meet with Don Jr.

00:15:09,299 --> 00:15:10,431

Once I get

White House approval,

00:15:10,561 --> 00:15:11,910

we should be able

to do the rug pull.

00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:15,001

- I'm out, dude.

- Kyle?

00:15:15,131 --> 00:15:16,785

Kyle, wait!

00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,395

Dude, you can't quit now.

00:15:19,396 --> 00:15:20,876

Do you know how much money

we're about to make?

00:15:21,007 --> 00:15:23,617

I thought you were sick of the

way South Park was going, Stan.

00:15:23,618 --> 00:15:25,446

- I am!

- So then why are you trying

00:15:25,576 --> 00:15:26,795

to engineer a rug pull

00:15:26,882 --> 00:15:28,231

in conjunction with

the federal government?

00:15:28,362 --> 00:15:30,755

Bro, it's the world

we live in, OK?

00:15:30,886 --> 00:15:32,365

I mean, at least we're being men

00:15:32,366 --> 00:15:33,802

and taking some control.

00:15:33,889 --> 00:15:35,803

Look at Kenny,

he--he's doing stuff now!

00:15:35,804 --> 00:15:37,240

Yeah, dude, I'm doing stuff!

00:15:37,327 --> 00:15:39,808

I know it sucks to be living

in an old folks home, Stan,

00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:40,940

but you can't fix things

00:15:41,027 --> 00:15:42,680

if you're only thinking

about yourself.

00:16:05,355 --> 00:16:08,097

Yes?

00:16:08,228 --> 00:16:11,273

Uh, yes, I'm with the South

Park Sucks Now cryptocurrency.

00:16:11,274 --> 00:16:12,754

We're trying to fuck a bunch of

people out of their money.

00:16:12,841 --> 00:16:14,408

Is Don Jr. around?

00:16:14,495 --> 00:16:17,846

Ah, yes,

he's been expecting you.

00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,848

Do come in.

00:16:26,289 --> 00:16:28,421

Oh, Jesus, it's a little

drafty in here.

00:16:28,422 --> 00:16:31,337

You'll have to excuse

the conditions.

00:16:31,338 --> 00:16:34,515

The master has taken down the

East Wing and unleashed a wrath.

00:16:39,389 --> 00:16:41,130

Oh, Jesus! It's a mummy!

00:16:41,261 --> 00:16:44,090

No, no, that's just the head

of the FCC.

00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:46,482

He's lost his freedom of speech.

00:16:48,181 --> 00:16:53,272

Come. Don Jr. is...

this way.

00:16:58,669 --> 00:17:00,758

Thanks so much for taking

my meeting, Don Jr.

00:17:00,889 --> 00:17:02,716

We've got an incredible

crypto opportunity here

00:17:02,717 --> 00:17:04,718

and we just need your help

taking a big dump.

00:17:04,719 --> 00:17:06,199

That sounds really great.

00:17:06,329 --> 00:17:09,202

There's nothing I like better

than a big crypto dump.

00:17:09,332 --> 00:17:11,333

So sorry I had to bug you

this late in the evening,

00:17:11,334 --> 00:17:13,031

but time really is

of the essence here.

00:17:15,643 --> 00:17:18,514

We need everyone to gather

in the dining room.

00:17:18,515 --> 00:17:19,908

Immediately.

00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:22,780

In the dining room? Why?

00:17:22,911 --> 00:17:25,260

We are going to have a séance.

00:17:25,261 --> 00:17:29,048

It's time to confront

the spirit here.

00:17:29,135 --> 00:17:32,094

The--the spirit? What spirit?

00:17:38,535 --> 00:17:39,797

Yeah, I can see

the price is going down.

00:17:39,928 --> 00:17:41,147

What the hell is he doing?

00:17:41,277 --> 00:17:42,539

He's not answering?

00:17:42,670 --> 00:17:43,540

Hello, you've reached

00:17:43,671 --> 00:17:44,976

Pump and Dump

Crypto Advisors.

00:17:45,107 --> 00:17:46,934

Let us know how we can help you

fuck people over.

00:17:46,935 --> 00:17:48,892

Just leave a message.

00:17:48,893 --> 00:17:50,634

Dude, what is going on?

00:17:50,765 --> 00:17:53,376

Our token's value totally peaked

and it's starting to go down.

00:17:53,463 --> 00:17:54,812

Whatever approval you have to

get at the White House,

00:17:54,943 --> 00:17:56,291

we need it now!

00:17:56,292 --> 00:17:57,336

God damn it!

00:17:59,513 --> 00:18:02,603

I don't know, Kenny, OK?

Shut up already!

00:18:07,521 --> 00:18:09,565

Oh, Jesus,

this is a little creepy.

00:18:09,566 --> 00:18:12,438

Are we having dinner?

I'm allergic to dairy.

00:18:12,439 --> 00:18:15,310

Everyone, please put your

hands on the table.

00:18:19,446 --> 00:18:23,406

I am speaking to the entity

in this house.

00:18:23,537 --> 00:18:25,278

Is this a good time

to talk turkey?

00:18:25,408 --> 00:18:27,628

I just need to go over

some quick business.

00:18:27,758 --> 00:18:30,369

We know you are sad.

00:18:30,370 --> 00:18:32,981

We know you are... lonely.

00:18:33,068 --> 00:18:37,159

But we must ask you

to leave our president alone.

00:18:40,031 --> 00:18:42,643

Oh, my God,

this is really scary.

00:18:42,773 --> 00:18:45,211

The President

is a great man,

00:18:45,298 --> 00:18:48,735

and he does not deserve

to be tormented like this.

00:18:48,736 --> 00:18:50,563

Pam! Pam!

00:18:50,564 --> 00:18:52,566

Oh! Oh.

00:18:52,653 --> 00:18:54,872

Restless spirit,

00:18:55,003 --> 00:18:57,918

we only wish to communicate!

00:19:00,574 --> 00:19:02,750

Holy shit!

She's right fucking there!

00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:04,230

What is that?

00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:11,018

Deception!

00:19:11,019 --> 00:19:13,326

Boss,

maybe we should stop this.

00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:15,414

No! I wanna hear

what it has to say.

00:19:17,417 --> 00:19:19,897

Epstein!

00:19:20,028 --> 00:19:21,594

Uh, no, no.

You're right. Let's stop this.

00:19:21,595 --> 00:19:23,162

You!

00:19:25,729 --> 00:19:26,991

What? You?

00:19:27,122 --> 00:19:27,992

What did he do?

00:19:28,123 --> 00:19:30,821

He lies!

00:19:30,908 --> 00:19:32,954

Oh, you fucking bitch!

00:19:33,041 --> 00:19:35,435

Corruption!

00:19:35,565 --> 00:19:37,045

She's not possessed!

00:19:37,132 --> 00:19:39,961

Pam Bondi's trying to get

my fucking job!

00:19:42,137 --> 00:19:43,616

Oh, I can't do this!

00:19:43,617 --> 00:19:44,705

Lies!

00:19:46,663 --> 00:19:48,056

I gotta get out of here!

00:19:49,492 --> 00:19:50,972

Oh, God!

00:19:51,059 --> 00:19:52,799

Oh!

00:19:53,888 --> 00:19:56,847

OK! OK! It's all true!

00:19:56,934 --> 00:19:59,589

We've been dealing in deception

and lies!

00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:01,852

We've all been getting

filthy rich off of crypto!

00:20:01,983 --> 00:20:03,070

Oh, Jesus.

00:20:03,071 --> 00:20:04,942

We've lied and we've cheated.

00:20:05,073 --> 00:20:06,682

Crypto's just a giant money

laundering scheme

00:20:06,683 --> 00:20:07,641

for the rich to get richer.

00:20:07,728 --> 00:20:09,424

Please don't haunt us anymore!

00:20:09,425 --> 00:20:10,686

We're sorry.

00:20:10,687 --> 00:20:13,647

We're all very sorry!

00:20:13,734 --> 00:20:16,867

This is a Fox News!

00:20:16,998 --> 00:20:19,914

Agh! America!

00:20:20,044 --> 00:20:23,351

A massive crypto fraud has

been exposed at the White House,

00:20:23,352 --> 00:20:25,875

and the perpetrator

has been indicted.

00:20:25,876 --> 00:20:28,531

A ghostly wrath that was

unleashed in the East Wing

00:20:28,618 --> 00:20:31,317

exposed the traitor

at a séance last night.

00:20:31,404 --> 00:20:35,363

The traitor is now behind bars

and serving 10 years for fraud.

00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:38,933

Charges, of course, were once

again filed by Pam Bondi,

00:20:39,063 --> 00:20:42,370

who said, "We will continue

to indict anyone

00:20:42,371 --> 00:20:45,678

who says bad stuff

about our amazing president."

00:20:49,770 --> 00:20:52,033

I'm sorry, Kyle.

I should have listened to you.

00:20:54,862 --> 00:20:57,255

I guess there just no really

going back

00:20:57,256 --> 00:21:00,258

to the way things used to be.

00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:01,912

Things will get back, Stan.

00:21:01,999 --> 00:21:03,131

I know it's hard to see

right now,

00:21:03,218 --> 00:21:06,134

but things will go back

to normal.

00:21:06,221 --> 00:21:08,527

And in the meantime,

we just have to make the most

00:21:08,528 --> 00:21:10,356

of where we are.

00:21:14,621 --> 00:21:17,318

All right, seniors,

just move with the rhythm now.

00:21:18,799 --> 00:21:22,019

♪ If I didn't care ♪

00:21:22,150 --> 00:21:24,718

Good! Good, seniors.

Nice!

00:21:24,805 --> 00:21:29,375

♪ More than words can say ♪

00:21:29,505 --> 00:21:34,554

♪ If I didn't care ♪

00:21:34,684 --> 00:21:39,949

♪ Would I feel this way? ♪

00:21:39,950 --> 00:21:46,086

♪ If this isn't love,

then why ♪

00:00:09,270 --> 00:00:10,487

- ♪ I'm goin' down

to South Park ♪

00:00:10,488 --> 00:00:12,446

♪ Gonna have myself a time

00:00:12,447 --> 00:00:13,883

- ♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:13,970 --> 00:00:15,754

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,885 --> 00:00:16,973

- ♪ I'm goin' down

to South Park ♪

00:00:17,104 --> 00:00:18,930

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,931 --> 00:00:20,672

- ♪ Ample parking day

or night ♪

00:00:20,759 --> 00:00:22,457

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor" ♪

00:00:22,544 --> 00:00:23,675

- ♪ I'm headin' on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:23,762 --> 00:00:25,808

♪ Gonna see

if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,895 --> 00:00:29,115

- ♪ [mumbling] ♪

00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:30,333

- ♪ Come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:30,334 --> 00:00:32,119

♪ And meet some friends

of mine ♪

00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:37,863

[bright music]

00:00:37,994 --> 00:00:40,301

♪ ♪

00:00:40,431 --> 00:00:44,826

[indistinct chatter]

00:00:44,827 --> 00:00:48,308

♪

00:00:48,309 --> 00:00:50,528

- How was school today, bud?

00:00:50,659 --> 00:00:53,400

- It was fine.

00:00:53,401 --> 00:00:55,967

- Look, Stan, I know it's been

really hard for you

00:00:55,968 --> 00:00:57,927

the past month,

with us not having a home.

00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,929

- Yeah, it sucks.

00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,496

- I've tried to find work,

00:01:01,583 --> 00:01:02,975

but there's just not a lot

out there.

00:01:03,106 --> 00:01:04,325

And with

the government shutdown,

00:01:04,455 --> 00:01:07,196

I can't get my job back

with the USGS.

00:01:07,197 --> 00:01:10,504

Times are hard,

and I know we all miss Tegridy.

00:01:10,505 --> 00:01:12,419

- I don't miss Tegridy, Dad.

00:01:12,420 --> 00:01:14,552

I just hate that our family

is living in a motel.

00:01:14,683 --> 00:01:16,163

It's really embarrassing.

00:01:16,250 --> 00:01:18,425

- Well, that's what

I need to tell you, Stan.

00:01:18,426 --> 00:01:21,384

There's some good news--

we're moving out of the motel.

00:01:21,385 --> 00:01:24,170

- Wait, really?

We can live in a house again?

00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:26,738

- Well, no, we can't afford

a house, so...

00:01:26,825 --> 00:01:29,089

we're moving in

with your grandpa.

00:01:29,176 --> 00:01:31,352

- Moving in with Grandpa?

00:01:34,529 --> 00:01:36,313

- This is a bunch of bull crap!

00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,358

First you stick me

in this place,

00:01:38,359 --> 00:01:40,404

and then you all come along?

00:01:40,535 --> 00:01:41,927

- Pretty nice, huh, guys?

00:01:42,058 --> 00:01:43,842

There's a TV, a microwave,

00:01:43,973 --> 00:01:46,017

and we have Bingo on Thursdays.

00:01:46,018 --> 00:01:47,889

- There has to be somewhere else

we can live.

00:01:47,890 --> 00:01:49,500

- Come on, Stan.

00:01:49,631 --> 00:01:51,981

You have that space over there

by Grandpa's shit pan.

00:01:52,068 --> 00:01:53,590

- You can't make me stay here.

00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:55,158

This is completely inhumane.

00:01:55,289 --> 00:01:56,768

- That's what I said!

00:01:56,899 --> 00:01:58,900

Didn't work.

00:01:58,901 --> 00:02:01,903

[lively music]

00:02:01,904 --> 00:02:07,866

♪

00:02:09,346 --> 00:02:12,132

[hammers pounding, metal clangs]

00:02:15,265 --> 00:02:17,789

- OK, so then over here

is where you're gonna have

00:02:17,876 --> 00:02:20,182

the big golden pillars

that you guys wanted.

00:02:20,183 --> 00:02:21,576

- Ah, yeah! That's great!

00:02:21,663 --> 00:02:23,359

- OK, and then right over here

00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:25,232

is where we're gonna put

your dance floor.

00:02:25,362 --> 00:02:26,581

- All right!

00:02:26,668 --> 00:02:28,452

- Wait, dance floor?

00:02:28,539 --> 00:02:30,585

I thought we were

knocking the East Wing down

00:02:30,672 --> 00:02:33,370

to make room for the nursery.

00:02:33,457 --> 00:02:36,024

- The what?

- The nursery!

00:02:36,025 --> 00:02:38,505

You said all this remodeling

was for the baby,

00:02:38,506 --> 00:02:40,942

not to make room for more

of your stupid parties.

00:02:40,943 --> 00:02:43,031

- Hey, relax, guy!

00:02:43,032 --> 00:02:45,468

We can just stick the baby

in the bathroom or something.

00:02:45,469 --> 00:02:49,994

- Wow! OK, so obviously I have

no say in this remodel.

00:02:49,995 --> 00:02:51,562

- Mr. President, sir.

00:02:51,693 --> 00:02:54,435

I'm very sorry, but we need to

speak with you urgently.

00:02:54,565 --> 00:02:56,393

It's a matter

of national security.

00:02:56,480 --> 00:03:00,091

[dramatic music]

00:03:00,092 --> 00:03:03,052

We don't want to frighten you,

Mr. President,

00:03:03,139 --> 00:03:05,707

but we've received intelligence

00:03:05,794 --> 00:03:10,624

that someone might be trying to

stop your baby from being born.

00:03:10,625 --> 00:03:11,756

- What?

00:03:11,843 --> 00:03:13,715

Who?

00:03:13,845 --> 00:03:16,107

- Hey! Relax, guy!

00:03:16,108 --> 00:03:17,936

- We don't know who yet, sir,

00:03:18,067 --> 00:03:20,374

but Pam Bondi has been

looking into it.

00:03:20,504 --> 00:03:22,766

- That's right, sir,

we won't let any harm

00:03:22,767 --> 00:03:25,682

come to the baby of the greatest

president that ever lived.

00:03:25,683 --> 00:03:27,337

You are without equal, sir--

- Uh, hey, Pam.

00:03:27,468 --> 00:03:29,338

- And we are honored to be--

Pam. Pam, sorry.

00:03:29,339 --> 00:03:31,428

You got a little shit

on your nose there.

00:03:31,515 --> 00:03:34,256

- Oh, do I?

00:03:34,257 --> 00:03:35,215

Did I get it?

00:03:35,302 --> 00:03:36,738

- No, it's still there.

00:03:36,868 --> 00:03:39,001

- If someone is trying

to harm the baby,

00:03:39,088 --> 00:03:40,871

then we must know who.

00:03:40,872 --> 00:03:44,224

- Well, there is...

one theory.

00:03:44,311 --> 00:03:46,748

[sinister music]

00:03:46,878 --> 00:03:51,360

Some people believe that

by demolishing the East Wing,

00:03:51,361 --> 00:03:56,496

we may have unleashed

some sort of... wrath.

00:03:56,497 --> 00:03:57,672

♪

00:03:57,759 --> 00:04:00,718

- What kind of wrath?

00:04:00,849 --> 00:04:03,025

- Vengeful...

00:04:03,112 --> 00:04:04,287

wrath.

00:04:04,418 --> 00:04:07,290

[thunder booming]

00:04:07,421 --> 00:04:09,988

♪ ♪

00:04:15,037 --> 00:04:18,693

[phone ringing]

00:04:18,780 --> 00:04:20,520

- What the hell is going on?

00:04:20,521 --> 00:04:23,131

I was supposed to be

in Washington.

00:04:23,132 --> 00:04:25,787

- There has been a change

in plan, Mr. Thiel.

00:04:25,917 --> 00:04:28,920

They are on to us

at the White House.

00:04:29,051 --> 00:04:30,312

- But how?

00:04:30,313 --> 00:04:32,401

How did they find out?

00:04:32,402 --> 00:04:34,361

- Someone must have heard us

talking.

00:04:34,491 --> 00:04:36,753

Do you still have the child?

00:04:36,754 --> 00:04:38,146

- Yes, he's here.

00:04:38,147 --> 00:04:40,366

I have him heavily sedated.

00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:42,934

It should last

another six, seven hours.

00:04:43,021 --> 00:04:44,066

- [chortling laughter]

00:04:44,153 --> 00:04:45,502

[mumbling] Six, seven!

00:04:45,589 --> 00:04:47,591

- But I can't keep him here

forever.

00:04:47,722 --> 00:04:51,420

- You'll just have to wait

until it is safe.

00:04:51,421 --> 00:04:54,859

I think some brownnoser here

is after my job.

00:05:06,088 --> 00:05:07,350

- Hey.

00:05:07,481 --> 00:05:09,309

Come on in.

00:05:13,617 --> 00:05:16,228

You guys can't tell anybody

that I'm living here.

00:05:16,359 --> 00:05:18,229

- Stan, you shouldn't be

embarrassed, all right?

00:05:18,230 --> 00:05:19,797

Everyone's having a hard time

right now.

00:05:19,928 --> 00:05:21,538

- Yeah, everyone's having

a hard time.

00:05:21,625 --> 00:05:22,973

And you know what

the problem is?

00:05:22,974 --> 00:05:24,367

Nobody's doing anything

about it.

00:05:24,498 --> 00:05:25,759

How many weeks has it been now,

00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:28,065

dealing with one stupid thing

after another?

00:05:28,066 --> 00:05:30,590

The truth is, I think a lot of

people are just afraid to admit

00:05:30,591 --> 00:05:33,767

that South Park sucks now.

00:05:33,768 --> 00:05:35,246

- South Park sucks now?

00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:37,248

- Yeah, everyone knows it.

South Park sucks now.

00:05:37,249 --> 00:05:39,207

And it's because of

all this political shit.

00:05:39,208 --> 00:05:41,253

We're just getting totally

bogged down in it.

00:05:41,384 --> 00:05:42,994

Remember when we

used to do stuff?

00:05:43,125 --> 00:05:44,474

Just us guys?

00:05:44,605 --> 00:05:45,910

Ever since all this

political crap took over,

00:05:45,997 --> 00:05:47,607

it's like--what?

00:05:47,608 --> 00:05:49,000

Like--like what happened to us?

00:05:49,087 --> 00:05:50,566

Like, Kenny, I haven't even

heard you say anything

00:05:50,567 --> 00:05:52,177

in, like, four months.

00:05:52,308 --> 00:05:54,005

- [muffled speech]

00:05:54,092 --> 00:05:55,224

- You see? That's what I mean!

00:05:55,311 --> 00:05:56,921

We don't even know what to say.

00:05:57,052 --> 00:05:59,227

South Park's getting ruined,

and all of us Gen Alpha kids

00:05:59,228 --> 00:06:00,664

are just sitting here,

watching it happen.

00:06:00,795 --> 00:06:02,840

- You're right, dude.

- [muffled] Yeah!

00:06:02,971 --> 00:06:04,189

- But what do we do?

00:06:05,887 --> 00:06:07,932

- I know exactly what to do.

00:06:09,804 --> 00:06:11,239

Hey, guys,

are you sick and tired

00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:12,546

of what's happening to our town?

00:06:12,676 --> 00:06:14,808

Do you feel like it's broken

and going nowhere?

00:06:14,809 --> 00:06:16,463

Then click below

and join our online community

00:06:16,593 --> 00:06:18,072

at South Park Sucks Now.

00:06:18,073 --> 00:06:19,509

Things are clearly

not right here,

00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,031

and if you're like us,

you are fed up!

00:06:21,032 --> 00:06:22,512

- South Park Sucks Now!

00:06:22,643 --> 00:06:24,819

- So please, like and subscribe,

smash the button, upvote--

00:06:24,906 --> 00:06:26,080

whatever the hell

you need to do,

00:06:26,081 --> 00:06:29,171

because together,

we can make a difference.

00:06:29,258 --> 00:06:34,785

[eerie music]

00:06:34,916 --> 00:06:37,266

DAN SCAVINO: Mr. President,

we don't want you to be afraid.

00:06:37,353 --> 00:06:40,443

Tell us exactly what it is

you think you saw.

00:06:40,574 --> 00:06:42,097

♪ ♪

00:06:42,227 --> 00:06:44,404

- Ever since I tore down

the East Wing, there's...

00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:46,187

this thing

00:06:46,188 --> 00:06:49,104

that keeps appearing.

00:06:49,234 --> 00:06:51,933

- What kind of thing?

00:06:52,063 --> 00:06:54,195

- Sometimes I see it

in a mirror.

00:06:54,196 --> 00:06:56,111

Or in the hallway.

00:06:56,241 --> 00:06:58,286

PAM BONDI: President Trump,

you are an incredible man.

00:06:58,287 --> 00:07:00,549

Whatever this is,

we have your back.

00:07:00,550 --> 00:07:02,899

- Uh, Pam. Pam, you got some

shit on your nose again.

00:07:02,900 --> 00:07:04,858

- Oh, really?

00:07:04,859 --> 00:07:07,469

- Mr. President,

this entity you speak of,

00:07:07,470 --> 00:07:09,298

how many times has it appeared?

00:07:09,385 --> 00:07:11,953

- It appears more and more

lately.

00:07:12,083 --> 00:07:13,649

I-I can't get away from it.

00:07:13,650 --> 00:07:14,956

It's everywhere I go.

00:07:15,086 --> 00:07:16,523

[music stops]

00:07:16,610 --> 00:07:18,915

[whispering]

It's here right now.

00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:20,265

In the corner.

00:07:20,396 --> 00:07:24,705

[ominous tone]

00:07:24,835 --> 00:07:27,882

- I'm pretty sure

that's your wife, sir.

00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:29,753

- My wife?

00:07:29,884 --> 00:07:31,276

[whispering]

What does it want?

00:07:31,407 --> 00:07:34,323

[ominous tone]

00:07:34,410 --> 00:07:36,933

- Maybe it's somehow

trying to communicate.

00:07:36,934 --> 00:07:39,110

Don't worry, we won't let

anything happen to you.

00:07:39,197 --> 00:07:40,721

- Ah!

Where did Pam Bondi go?

00:07:40,851 --> 00:07:42,940

- What?

- Pam Bondi! She's gone!

00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:44,464

- But she was sitting

right here!

00:07:44,551 --> 00:07:45,508

- Pam?

- Pam?

00:07:45,639 --> 00:07:47,162

- Where's Pam Bondi?

00:07:47,292 --> 00:07:48,642

- I'm right here, sir!

00:07:48,772 --> 00:07:51,209

- [gasps] Look, it's back.

- What's back?

00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:52,906

- You've got some shit

on your nose again.

00:07:52,907 --> 00:07:55,561

- Oh, my God! What is going on?

00:07:55,562 --> 00:07:57,085

- That thing!

It's not there anymore.

00:07:59,130 --> 00:07:59,914

[ominous tone]

00:08:00,044 --> 00:08:01,437

Ah!

00:08:07,269 --> 00:08:09,139

[tones chime]

00:08:09,140 --> 00:08:10,271

PA: Good morning, seniors.

00:08:10,272 --> 00:08:12,142

It's 6:30 a.m.

00:08:12,143 --> 00:08:14,276

Rise and shine

for your morning medication.

00:08:14,363 --> 00:08:16,365

- Ugh, God, 6:30?

00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:18,280

- Yeah, it fucking sucks,

doesn't it?

00:08:26,375 --> 00:08:27,767

- Holy shit.

00:08:27,768 --> 00:08:28,812

- What?

00:08:28,943 --> 00:08:30,552

- Holy shit.

00:08:30,553 --> 00:08:33,687

756,000 likes, you guys.

00:08:33,817 --> 00:08:36,036

We just built a massive

online community.

00:08:36,037 --> 00:08:38,387

- Wow. I can't believe

how many people agree with us.

00:08:38,474 --> 00:08:40,344

- I thought we could get 50 or

60 kids from school to sign up,

00:08:40,345 --> 00:08:41,868

but this is incredible.

00:08:41,869 --> 00:08:43,217

- All right,

we've got everyone's attention.

00:08:43,218 --> 00:08:44,392

So what do we do now?

00:08:44,393 --> 00:08:46,220

- What do you mean, dude?

It's obvious.

00:08:46,221 --> 00:08:47,744

It's time for phase two.

00:08:47,831 --> 00:08:50,268

[gentle music]

00:08:50,399 --> 00:08:52,444

Hey, guys, if you've come here,

00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:54,620

then you're likely joining

the chorus of voices

00:08:54,621 --> 00:08:57,014

that's fed up with the direction

our town is going.

00:08:57,145 --> 00:08:59,626

We all want change

in our community.

00:08:59,756 --> 00:09:01,540

And now there's an opportunity

00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,846

to truly make your voices heard.

00:09:03,847 --> 00:09:08,025

Introducing the South Park

Sucks Now cryptocurrency coin.

00:09:08,156 --> 00:09:10,026

This digital meme token

is your way to be a part

00:09:10,027 --> 00:09:12,072

of the fastest-growing community

in America.

00:09:12,073 --> 00:09:14,204

This used to be a great town

before all the politics came

00:09:14,205 --> 00:09:15,466

and ruined it all.

00:09:15,467 --> 00:09:16,772

Get in on our crypto meme coin

00:09:16,773 --> 00:09:18,340

with this incredible

presale offer.

00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:19,993

Each coin is just $9.95,

00:09:19,994 --> 00:09:21,604

but could be worth

ten times that overnight!

00:09:21,735 --> 00:09:23,214

- Wait, a meme coin?

00:09:23,301 --> 00:09:24,911

- Do you want South Park

to change?

00:09:24,912 --> 00:09:27,783

Then order your coin today

at SouthParkSucksNow.com.

00:09:27,784 --> 00:09:29,002

Stan Marsh is not

a financial advisor

00:09:29,003 --> 00:09:30,046

affiliated with

any financial institution.

00:09:30,047 --> 00:09:31,004

Digital assets

are highly volatile

00:09:31,005 --> 00:09:32,005

and may involve

significant risk,

00:09:32,006 --> 00:09:33,094

including loss of all funds.

00:09:33,224 --> 00:09:34,660

Ownership of South Park

Sucks Now Coin

00:09:34,661 --> 00:09:35,704

does not represent equity,

profit sharing, or ownership

00:09:35,705 --> 00:09:37,141

of any company platform

or project.

00:09:37,272 --> 00:09:38,272

Participation is voluntary

and should only be undertaken

00:09:38,273 --> 00:09:39,230

by individuals who fully

understand the risks

00:09:39,317 --> 00:09:40,492

associated with

block chain assets.

00:09:40,623 --> 00:09:41,885

South Park Sucks Now Coin

is not registered with

00:09:41,972 --> 00:09:43,321

or regulated by the SEC

or any financial authority.

00:09:43,452 --> 00:09:44,758

Please review all disclosures

and consult a licensed financial

00:09:44,888 --> 00:09:45,367

advisor before engaging in

digital asset transactions.

00:09:47,543 --> 00:09:49,849

[thunder booming]

00:09:49,850 --> 00:09:52,852

[ominous music]

00:09:52,853 --> 00:09:59,729

♪

00:10:16,659 --> 00:10:18,095

[scraping]

00:10:18,226 --> 00:10:19,835

♪ ♪

00:10:19,836 --> 00:10:20,968

[shower curtain scrapes]

00:10:25,668 --> 00:10:27,103

♪

00:10:27,104 --> 00:10:30,063

[Towelie screaming]

00:10:30,064 --> 00:10:33,066

♪

00:10:33,067 --> 00:10:35,286

[cabinet squeaks]

00:10:35,373 --> 00:10:37,419

- Ahh!

[ominous tone]

00:10:37,506 --> 00:10:38,637

Ah, fuck!

00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,334

Fuck!

- What?

00:10:40,335 --> 00:10:42,902

- It's the Woman in the Hat!

00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:44,338

- What are you talking about?

00:10:44,339 --> 00:10:45,514

- The Woman in the Hat!

00:10:45,601 --> 00:10:47,908

She's in the fucking bathroom!

00:10:50,519 --> 00:10:52,302

- We've double checked

everything, sir.

00:10:52,303 --> 00:10:53,869

All the exterior doors

are locked.

00:10:53,870 --> 00:10:55,654

No windows have been breached.

00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,178

- And yet the president swears

00:10:57,308 --> 00:10:58,700

something was

in the room with him.

00:10:58,701 --> 00:11:00,136

- Is he going to be all right?

00:11:00,137 --> 00:11:01,485

- Pretty shaken.

00:11:01,486 --> 00:11:02,966

Pam Bondi is in there now

00:11:03,053 --> 00:11:04,533

trying to calm him down

and make him feel better.

00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,491

PAM BONDI: [screaming]

00:11:06,622 --> 00:11:08,449

DAN SCAVINO: Pam?

00:11:08,450 --> 00:11:09,885

Oh, my God!

00:11:09,886 --> 00:11:13,194

- [groaning]

00:11:17,633 --> 00:11:20,418

- Stan, what are we doing?

00:11:20,549 --> 00:11:22,682

- What do you mean, dude?

We're trying to change things.

00:11:22,769 --> 00:11:25,205

- By selling cryptocurrency?

00:11:25,206 --> 00:11:27,077

- What's wrong with trying

to make a little money

00:11:27,208 --> 00:11:29,339

while also pointing out the

things wrong with our town?

00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:30,601

- [muffled]

Yeah, what's wrong with that?

00:11:30,602 --> 00:11:31,865

- I have to do something, Kyle.

00:11:31,995 --> 00:11:34,040

I'm nine years old

and I live in a retirement home.

00:11:34,041 --> 00:11:36,346

- And you really think

crypto is your way out?

00:11:36,347 --> 00:11:38,784

Do you even know anything

about how that stuff works?

00:11:38,785 --> 00:11:41,396

- Well, actually, we have

a really strong crypto advisor--

00:11:41,526 --> 00:11:43,746

your cousin on the east coast.

00:11:43,877 --> 00:11:45,486

- My cousin?

00:11:45,487 --> 00:11:47,836

- I'm back!

00:11:47,837 --> 00:11:49,404

All right, looks like

we've got a lot of movement

00:11:49,534 --> 00:11:50,579

on your coin, boys.

00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:52,450

The presale really popped.

00:11:52,537 --> 00:11:54,582

We cleared 100 grand in volume

before liquidity even locked.

00:11:54,583 --> 00:11:56,193

The token's really got traction.

00:11:56,324 --> 00:11:58,456

- And we don't ever have to pay

anything, right?

00:11:58,587 --> 00:12:00,720

- Nope, you never pay anything.

You guys created the coin,

00:12:00,807 --> 00:12:01,938

so all you do is profit from it.

00:12:02,025 --> 00:12:03,331

- See? I told you.

00:12:03,461 --> 00:12:05,027

- [muffled speech]

00:12:05,028 --> 00:12:06,247

- Now we just need to keep

creating hype

00:12:06,377 --> 00:12:08,249

around the South Park Sucks Now

digital coin,

00:12:08,336 --> 00:12:10,207

so we need to come up with

things to give people FOMO

00:12:10,338 --> 00:12:12,166

and make them ape even harder.

00:12:12,253 --> 00:12:14,168

- You guys,

this isn't about a coin.

00:12:14,255 --> 00:12:15,822

It's about a movement.

00:12:15,952 --> 00:12:17,171

- Oh, that's really good.

00:12:17,258 --> 00:12:18,649

- Yeah, yeah, that's perfect.

00:12:18,650 --> 00:12:20,261

"This isn't about a coin.

It's about a movement."

00:12:20,391 --> 00:12:22,611

Yeah, that's some savvy

Jew Jitsu right there.

00:12:22,698 --> 00:12:23,742

- So what kind of time frame

are we looking at

00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:24,786

to get our money?

00:12:24,787 --> 00:12:26,223

I need it as fast as possible.

00:12:26,354 --> 00:12:27,964

- Well, I think we're looking at

a classic rug pull

00:12:28,051 --> 00:12:29,183

in just a few days.

00:12:29,270 --> 00:12:30,879

Once we pump the coin

high as it'll go,

00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:32,882

then I can register for an MSB

with the federal government.

00:12:33,013 --> 00:12:35,058

- The federal government?

That sounds hard.

00:12:35,189 --> 00:12:36,843

- Oh, no, it's gonna be easy.

00:12:36,930 --> 00:12:39,105

The crypto corruption at the

White House is off the chain.

00:12:39,106 --> 00:12:40,584

We're gonna screw a lot of

people out of their money, boys.

00:12:40,585 --> 00:12:42,326

It's gonna be fantastic.

00:12:43,501 --> 00:12:46,809

[thunder booming]

00:12:46,940 --> 00:12:48,898

[heavy knocking]

00:12:51,553 --> 00:12:53,989

[thunder booms]

00:12:53,990 --> 00:12:56,253

- Yes?

00:12:56,384 --> 00:12:59,213

- Uh, yes,

we're paranormal investigators.

00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:00,779

We've been asked to come

and investigate

00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:03,870

the mysterious Woman in the Hat.

00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:07,656

- I am Stephen Miller,

00:13:07,743 --> 00:13:10,006

Senior Advisor to the President

for Immigration

00:13:10,093 --> 00:13:11,616

and Domestic Policy.

00:13:11,747 --> 00:13:14,271

[thunder booms]

00:13:14,402 --> 00:13:15,359

Won't you...

00:13:15,446 --> 00:13:17,971

come in?

00:13:22,758 --> 00:13:24,934

PARANORMAL INVESTIGATOR HUSBAND:

Oh, my God, it's incredible.

00:13:25,065 --> 00:13:28,503

Subject is showing some kind of

viscous residue on her nose.

00:13:28,633 --> 00:13:30,679

- Well, what the fuck is it?

00:13:30,766 --> 00:13:33,072

- Sometimes there's

a physical manifestation

00:13:33,073 --> 00:13:34,682

of spiritual energy--

00:13:34,683 --> 00:13:37,555

a bridge between

the spiritual world and ours.

00:13:37,686 --> 00:13:41,646

In this case, it appears to be

some kind of rectoplasm.

00:13:41,777 --> 00:13:43,473

- Rectoplasm?

00:13:43,474 --> 00:13:44,911

- What is it made of?

00:13:45,041 --> 00:13:46,520

- It's unbelievable!

00:13:46,521 --> 00:13:49,872

The rectoplasm seems to be 54%

Filet-O-Fish sandwich!

00:13:50,003 --> 00:13:51,307

- Oh, my God!

00:13:51,308 --> 00:13:53,354

I ate a Filet-O-Fish sandwich

last night!

00:13:53,484 --> 00:13:55,268

- Jesus!

- And it's also...

00:13:55,269 --> 00:13:57,619

28% Taco Bell.

00:13:57,706 --> 00:13:59,142

- Oh, my God!

00:13:59,273 --> 00:14:01,274

I ate Taco Bell this morning!

00:14:01,275 --> 00:14:02,710

- What does it mean?

00:14:02,711 --> 00:14:06,714

- And it's 14% its own cum.

00:14:06,715 --> 00:14:09,413

- Oh, my God!

I ate--

00:14:11,372 --> 00:14:13,722

[chuckling awkwardly]

00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:16,943

Hey! Pam! Deal with them!

00:14:17,030 --> 00:14:21,512

ANNOUNCER: This is a Fox News

Super Alert!

00:14:21,599 --> 00:14:24,297

- Two paranormal investigators

were indicted today

00:14:24,298 --> 00:14:27,430

on federal charges

of falsifying data.

00:14:27,431 --> 00:14:30,130

The president said that the

bad people manipulated readings

00:14:30,260 --> 00:14:32,783

and reports to make fake news.

00:14:32,784 --> 00:14:36,179

The charges were filed

by Attorney General Pam Bondi,

00:14:36,266 --> 00:14:38,747

who said that "the President

is a great man,

00:14:38,834 --> 00:14:40,923

even if he does

eat his own semen."

00:14:41,054 --> 00:14:42,403

In other news,

00:14:42,533 --> 00:14:45,145

many people are saying

that South Park sucks now.

00:14:45,275 --> 00:14:47,277

The small mountain town

in Colorado

00:14:47,408 --> 00:14:50,149

has been a hotbed of political

activity in recent weeks,

00:14:50,150 --> 00:14:51,891

and three local Gen Alpha boys

00:14:51,978 --> 00:14:54,284

are vowing to put a stop to it.

00:14:55,329 --> 00:14:56,896

- OK, we're mooning.

00:14:56,983 --> 00:14:58,592

We're mooning...

00:14:58,593 --> 00:15:00,029

All right, that's gotta be it.

00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:01,943

OK, we're done mooning.

I think we're ready to dump.

00:15:01,944 --> 00:15:02,945

[train horn blares]

00:15:03,076 --> 00:15:04,120

COUSIN KYLE: OK, sounds good.

00:15:04,207 --> 00:15:06,382

I'm on the Acela train

right now.

00:15:06,383 --> 00:15:09,169

I should be in DC by 6:30

to meet with Don Jr.

00:15:09,299 --> 00:15:10,431

Once I get

White House approval,

00:15:10,561 --> 00:15:11,910

we should be able

to do the rug pull.

00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:15,001

- I'm out, dude.

- Kyle?

00:15:15,131 --> 00:15:16,785

Kyle, wait!

00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,395

Dude, you can't quit now.

00:15:19,396 --> 00:15:20,876

Do you know how much money

we're about to make?

00:15:21,007 --> 00:15:23,617

- I thought you were sick of the

way South Park was going, Stan.

00:15:23,618 --> 00:15:25,446

- I am!

- So then why are you trying

00:15:25,576 --> 00:15:26,795

to engineer a rug pull

00:15:26,882 --> 00:15:28,231

in conjunction with

the federal government?

00:15:28,362 --> 00:15:30,755

- Bro, it's the world

we live in, OK?

00:15:30,886 --> 00:15:32,365

I mean, at least we're being men

00:15:32,366 --> 00:15:33,802

and taking some control.

00:15:33,889 --> 00:15:35,803

Look at Kenny,

he--he's doing stuff now!

00:15:35,804 --> 00:15:37,240

- [muffled]

Yeah, dude, I'm doing stuff!

00:15:37,327 --> 00:15:39,808

- I know it sucks to be living

in an old folks home, Stan,

00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:40,940

but you can't fix things

00:15:41,027 --> 00:15:42,680

if you're only thinking

about yourself.

00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:53,822

[thunder booming]

00:15:57,913 --> 00:15:59,959

[heavy knocking]

00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,225

[thunder booms]

00:16:05,355 --> 00:16:08,097

- Yes?

00:16:08,228 --> 00:16:11,273

- Uh, yes, I'm with the South

Park Sucks Now cryptocurrency.

00:16:11,274 --> 00:16:12,754

We're trying to fuck a bunch of

people out of their money.

00:16:12,841 --> 00:16:14,408

Is Don Jr. around?

00:16:14,495 --> 00:16:17,846

- Ah, yes,

he's been expecting you.

00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,848

Do come in.

00:16:21,415 --> 00:16:24,592

[door squeaks]

00:16:26,289 --> 00:16:28,421

- Oh, Jesus, it's a little

drafty in here.

00:16:28,422 --> 00:16:31,337

- You'll have to excuse

the conditions.

00:16:31,338 --> 00:16:34,515

The master has taken down the

East Wing and unleashed a wrath.

00:16:34,645 --> 00:16:36,212

[eerie moaning]

00:16:36,299 --> 00:16:39,259

[unintelligible groaning]

00:16:39,389 --> 00:16:41,130

- Oh, Jesus! It's a mummy!

00:16:41,261 --> 00:16:44,090

- No, no, that's just the head

of the FCC.

00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:46,482

He's lost his freedom of speech.

00:16:46,483 --> 00:16:48,050

- [mumbles]

00:16:48,181 --> 00:16:53,272

- Come. Don Jr. is...

this way.

00:16:53,273 --> 00:16:56,232

[thunder booms]

00:16:56,319 --> 00:16:58,539

[eerie music]

00:16:58,669 --> 00:17:00,758

- Thanks so much for taking

my meeting, Don Jr.

00:17:00,889 --> 00:17:02,716

We've got an incredible

crypto opportunity here

00:17:02,717 --> 00:17:04,718

and we just need your help

taking a big dump.

00:17:04,719 --> 00:17:06,199

- That sounds really great.

00:17:06,329 --> 00:17:09,202

There's nothing I like better

than a big crypto dump.

00:17:09,332 --> 00:17:11,333

- So sorry I had to bug you

this late in the evening,

00:17:11,334 --> 00:17:13,031

but time really is

of the essence here.

00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:15,512

[door opens]

00:17:15,643 --> 00:17:18,514

- We need everyone to gather

in the dining room.

00:17:18,515 --> 00:17:19,908

Immediately.

00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:22,780

- In the dining room? Why?

00:17:22,911 --> 00:17:25,260

- We are going to have a séance.

00:17:25,261 --> 00:17:29,048

It's time to confront

the spirit here.

00:17:29,135 --> 00:17:32,094

- The--the spirit? What spirit?

00:17:32,225 --> 00:17:35,054

[line ringing]

00:17:36,272 --> 00:17:38,534

- [muffled speech]

00:17:38,535 --> 00:17:39,797

- Yeah, I can see

the price is going down.

00:17:39,928 --> 00:17:41,147

What the hell is he doing?

00:17:41,277 --> 00:17:42,539

- [muffled]

He's not answering?

00:17:42,670 --> 00:17:43,540

COUSIN KYLE:

Hello, you've reached

00:17:43,671 --> 00:17:44,976

Pump and Dump

Crypto Advisors.

00:17:45,107 --> 00:17:46,934

Let us know how we can help you

fuck people over.

00:17:46,935 --> 00:17:48,892

Just leave a message.

[beep]

00:17:48,893 --> 00:17:50,634

- Dude, what is going on?

00:17:50,765 --> 00:17:53,376

Our token's value totally peaked

and it's starting to go down.

00:17:53,463 --> 00:17:54,812

Whatever approval you have to

get at the White House,

00:17:54,943 --> 00:17:56,291

we need it now!

[beep]

00:17:56,292 --> 00:17:57,336

God damn it!

00:17:57,337 --> 00:17:59,512

- [muffled speech]

00:17:59,513 --> 00:18:02,603

- I don't know, Kenny, OK?

Shut up already!

00:18:02,733 --> 00:18:05,562

[eerie music]

00:18:05,693 --> 00:18:07,520

♪ ♪

00:18:07,521 --> 00:18:09,565

- Oh, Jesus,

this is a little creepy.

00:18:09,566 --> 00:18:12,438

Are we having dinner?

I'm allergic to dairy.

00:18:12,439 --> 00:18:15,310

- Everyone, please put your

hands on the table.

00:18:15,311 --> 00:18:19,445

♪

00:18:19,446 --> 00:18:23,406

I am speaking to the entity

in this house.

00:18:23,537 --> 00:18:25,278

- Is this a good time

to talk turkey?

00:18:25,408 --> 00:18:27,628

I just need to go over

some quick business.

00:18:27,758 --> 00:18:30,369

- We know you are sad.

00:18:30,370 --> 00:18:32,981

We know you are... lonely.

00:18:33,068 --> 00:18:37,159

But we must ask you

to leave our president alone.

00:18:37,290 --> 00:18:40,030

♪ ♪

00:18:40,031 --> 00:18:42,643

- Oh, my God,

this is really scary.

00:18:42,773 --> 00:18:45,211

PAM BONDI: The President

is a great man,

00:18:45,298 --> 00:18:48,735

and he does not deserve

to be tormented like this.

00:18:48,736 --> 00:18:50,563

- Pam! Pam!

00:18:50,564 --> 00:18:52,566

- Oh! Oh.

00:18:52,653 --> 00:18:54,872

Restless spirit,

00:18:55,003 --> 00:18:57,918

we only wish to communicate!

00:18:57,919 --> 00:19:00,573

[thunder booming]

00:19:00,574 --> 00:19:02,750

- Holy shit!

She's right fucking there!

00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:04,230

- What is that?

00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:08,146

- [moaning]

Deception!

00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:11,018

Deception!

00:19:11,019 --> 00:19:13,326

- Boss,

maybe we should stop this.

00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:15,414

- No! I wanna hear

what it has to say.

00:19:15,415 --> 00:19:17,416

- [moaning]

00:19:17,417 --> 00:19:19,897

Epstein!

00:19:20,028 --> 00:19:21,594

- Uh, no, no.

You're right. Let's stop this.

00:19:21,595 --> 00:19:23,162

- You!

00:19:23,249 --> 00:19:25,728

[eerie music]

00:19:25,729 --> 00:19:26,991

- What? You?

00:19:27,122 --> 00:19:27,992

What did he do?

00:19:28,123 --> 00:19:30,821

- He lies!

00:19:30,908 --> 00:19:32,954

- Oh, you fucking bitch!

00:19:33,041 --> 00:19:35,435

- Corruption!

00:19:35,565 --> 00:19:37,045

- She's not possessed!

00:19:37,132 --> 00:19:39,961

Pam Bondi's trying to get

my fucking job!

00:19:40,048 --> 00:19:42,006

[thunder booms]

00:19:42,137 --> 00:19:43,616

- Oh, I can't do this!

00:19:43,617 --> 00:19:44,705

- Lies!

00:19:44,835 --> 00:19:46,662

- [muttering]

00:19:46,663 --> 00:19:48,056

- I gotta get out of here!

00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:49,405

♪ ♪

00:19:49,492 --> 00:19:50,972

[face screaming]

- Oh, God!

00:19:51,059 --> 00:19:52,799

Oh!

00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:53,887

♪

00:19:53,888 --> 00:19:56,847

OK! OK! It's all true!

00:19:56,934 --> 00:19:59,589

We've been dealing in deception

and lies!

00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:01,852

We've all been getting

filthy rich off of crypto!

00:20:01,983 --> 00:20:03,070

Oh, Jesus.

00:20:03,071 --> 00:20:04,942

We've lied and we've cheated.

00:20:05,073 --> 00:20:06,682

Crypto's just a giant money

laundering scheme

00:20:06,683 --> 00:20:07,641

for the rich to get richer.

00:20:07,728 --> 00:20:09,424

Please don't haunt us anymore!

00:20:09,425 --> 00:20:10,686

We're sorry.

00:20:10,687 --> 00:20:13,647

We're all very sorry!

00:20:13,734 --> 00:20:16,867

ANNOUNCER:

This is a Fox News!

00:20:16,998 --> 00:20:19,914

Agh! America!

00:20:20,044 --> 00:20:23,351

- A massive crypto fraud has

been exposed at the White House,

00:20:23,352 --> 00:20:25,875

and the perpetrator

has been indicted.

00:20:25,876 --> 00:20:28,531

A ghostly wrath that was

unleashed in the East Wing

00:20:28,618 --> 00:20:31,317

exposed the traitor

at a séance last night.

00:20:31,404 --> 00:20:35,363

The traitor is now behind bars

and serving 10 years for fraud.

00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:38,933

Charges, of course, were once

again filed by Pam Bondi,

00:20:39,063 --> 00:20:42,370

who said, "We will continue

to indict anyone

00:20:42,371 --> 00:20:45,678

who says bad stuff

about our amazing president."

00:20:45,679 --> 00:20:49,769

[gentle music]

00:20:49,770 --> 00:20:52,033

STAN: I'm sorry, Kyle.

I should have listened to you.

00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:54,731

♪ ♪

00:20:54,862 --> 00:20:57,255

I guess there just no really

going back

00:20:57,256 --> 00:21:00,258

to the way things used to be.

00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:01,912

- Things will get back, Stan.

00:21:01,999 --> 00:21:03,131

I know it's hard to see

right now,

00:21:03,218 --> 00:21:06,134

but things will go back

to normal.

00:21:06,221 --> 00:21:08,527

And in the meantime,

we just have to make the most

00:21:08,528 --> 00:21:10,356

of where we are.

00:21:10,443 --> 00:21:14,620

["If I Didn't Care"

by The Ink Spots]

00:21:14,621 --> 00:21:17,318

- All right, seniors,

just move with the rhythm now.

00:21:17,319 --> 00:21:18,712

♪

00:21:18,799 --> 00:21:22,019

- ♪ If I didn't care ♪

00:21:22,150 --> 00:21:24,718

NURSE: Good! Good, seniors.

Nice!

00:21:24,805 --> 00:21:29,375

- ♪ More than words can say ♪

00:21:29,505 --> 00:21:34,554

♪ If I didn't care ♪

00:21:34,684 --> 00:21:39,949

♪ Would I feel this way? ♪

00:21:39,950 --> 00:21:46,086

♪ If this isn't love,

then why ♪

00:21:46,087 --> 00:21:48,959

[theme music]

00:21:49,090 --> 00:21:55,966

♪ ♪