Искажённое христианство

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В ПРОГРАММЕ СОДЕРЖИТСЯ ГРЯЗНАЯ РУГАНЬ

НЕ РЕКОМЕНДУЕТСЯ К ПРОСМОТРУ НИКОМУ

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Соберу я свой рюкзак

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и поеду в Саус Парк.

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Дружелюбный здесь народ,

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благочестие цветёт.

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В Саус Парк ты приезжаешь

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и печали забываешь.

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Стоит только выйти в свет,

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все кричат: «Привет, сосед!»

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В Саус Парке не печалься,

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отдыхай и расслабляйся.

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В Саус Парке ждут тебя

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мои верные друзья.

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ЮЖНЫЙ ПАРК

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НАЧАЛЬНАЯ ШКОЛА САУС ПАРКА

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ПСИХОЛОГ

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ЦЕНТР ПЛАНИРОВАНИЯ СЕМЬИ

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ПСИХОЛОГ

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РЕСТОРАН «ФАБРИКА ЧИЗКЕЙКОВ»

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РЕСТОРАН «ФАБРИКА ЧИЗКЕЙКОВ»

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В ПРОГРАММЕ СОДЕРЖИТСЯ ГРЯЗНАЯ РУГАНЬ

НЕ РЕКОМЕНДУЕТСЯ К ПРОСМОТРУ НИКОМУ

00:00:08,790 --> 00:00:10,110

Соберу я свой рюкзак

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и поеду в Саус Парк.

00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:13,900

Дружелюбный здесь народ,

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благочестие цветёт.

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В Саус Парк ты приезжаешь

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и печали забываешь.

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Стоит только выйти в свет,

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все кричат: «Привет, сосед!»

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В Саус Парке не печалься,

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отдыхай и расслабляйся.

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В Саус Парке ждут тебя

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мои верные друзья.

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ЮЖНЫЙ ПАРК

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НАЧАЛЬНАЯ ШКОЛА САУС ПАРКА

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Парни, парни! Хотите знать,

во сколько я сегодня встал?

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- Во сколько?

- Где-то в шесть и семь!

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Шесть и семь!

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Привет, Энни! Дамы. Вы делали вчера домашку?

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Я пытался, но встрял на примерах шесть и семь!

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Шесть и семь!

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Эрик!

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Знаю, Баттерс. Не надо, слишком смешно.

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Я только что сделал шесть и семь с Меган и Энни!

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Я сам подлетел к Венди и отшестисемил её сзади.

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Круто!

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Скотт, как твой диабет?

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Мой диабет?

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Какой гемоглобин?

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Шесть и семь!

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Шесть и семь!

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Охренеть! Жесть какой угар!

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Всем внимание!

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Я получаю кучу жалоб на срывы уроков из-за

какой-то сатанической херни с нумерологией.

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Я хотел вам напомнить,что у нас праведная школа,

а я Праведный Крещёный директор, ПК-директор.

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А теперь, прошу вас послушать настоящего

авторитета по библейским пророчествам.

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Этот человек реальный эксперт

по концу дней и приходу Антихриста.

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Прошу, встречайте, мистер Питер Тиль.

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Питер Тиль всё знает про Антихриста.

Питер Тиль всё знает про Антихриста!

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Я Питер Тиль, я всё знаю про Антихриста!

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- Сегодня вы узнаете о нём!

- Всё-всё!

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Детки, я Питер Тиль, и я пришёл

поговорить про Антихристааа!

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Давайте так, кто такой Антихрист?

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Антихрист — это новая

человеческая форма Сатаны. И он придёт.

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Мы не знаем точно когда, но примерно

где-то недель через шесть-семь.

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Шесть и семь!

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Ясно...

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В общем, Сатана — падший ангел. Бог его наказал.

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И, чтобы Сатана никогда не произвёл потомство,

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Бог сузил его анальное кольцо до размера

крошечной дырочки меньше иголочного ушка.

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Чтобы ничто и никогда не смогло

проникнуть и эякулировать в неё.

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И Сатана никак не мог забеременеть.

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Но потом пришёл мистер Дональд Трамп,

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чей пенис настолько крошечный, малипусенький,

что он как раз и влез Сатане в жопу.

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Сколько пенис у Дональда Трампа?

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Где-то между шестью и семью сантиметрами.

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Шесть и семь!

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Народ, это всё очень серьёзно.

Антихрист вот-вот явится!

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В Библии есть орёл, а это символ Америки.

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Четвёртая печать будет вскрыта,

и на земле разверзнется Ад.

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Всё есть здесь, в Откровении шесть...

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Шесть и семь.

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Шесть и семь!

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Хорошо, главное дышите через нос.

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И выдыхайте ртом.

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И два, три, четыре.

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Выдох два, три, четыре.

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Хорошо. Не напрягайте плечи. И расслабьте лицо.

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Теперь мягко давите на бёдра партнёра,

когда он выдыхает. Да. И вдох.

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Это так скучно!

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Можешь просто молча делать, а?

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Хватит, Сатана! Может домой и потрахаемся?

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Сто лет не было секса!

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Потому что это опасно для малыша.

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Да нахер малыша! Как же это тупо!

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Ты сказал «нахер малыша»?

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Эй, да расслабься, парень!

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Я ничего такого не имел в виду.

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Знаешь, иди домой. Я сам всё тут закончу.

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Иди и дрочи сколько хочешь!

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Замечательно!

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Привет!

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Сука!

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Хорошие новости, босс! Мы только что

закрыли ещё одну клинику абортов!

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Отлично, это замечательно.

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Да, босс, это очень обрадовало всех христиан!

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Правда, осталась ещё одна клиника.

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Там ещё делают аборты. Прямо в нашем городе.

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- Правда?

- О, да!

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Как же грустно, что некоторое дети

из-за этого так и не родятся.

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Как христиане мы не можем этого допустить.

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Может, вам нужно сходить

и поговорить с этим доктором лично.

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Да. Да!

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Войдите.

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ПК-директор, есть минутка?

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Конечно, Иисус. Что?

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Мне начинает казаться, что мне тут не место.

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Что за ерунда!

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Эта школа была отстойником

левых нытиков, и только наша вера спасёт их.

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Могу я спросить, а какую именно

конфессию христианства вы исповедуете?

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Ту, которая любит эту страну и не терпит педиков.

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Понимаете, я правда думаю, что я тут лишний.

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Я понимаю, это жёсткий переход.

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У замдиректора тоже были

эти сомнения, но она смирилась.

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Замдиректора? Ваша жена?

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Верно. Позови ко мне Сильную христианку.

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Она говорила, что ей тут не место,

но в те выходные приняла христианство.

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Вызывали меня?

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Сильная христианка, я беседую с Иисусом.

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О, да, это такое благословение!

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В субботу покрестилась.

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В жизни не видел более христианской кисы, да?

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Да никогда!

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Понимаю, непривычно всё это,

но здесь ты точно на своём месте, Иисус.

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В школе всё хорошо, милый?

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Ага, да. Всё круто. В школе всё круто.

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- Всё хорошо, родной?

- Да, всё хорошо. Ага.

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Мам, можно я спрошу кое-что?

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Да, Эрик.

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Ты знаешь...

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Знаешь, во сколько лет у детей

выпадают молочные зубы?

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Не знаю, Эрик. Но думаю, где-то лет в шесть-семь.

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Класс!

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Эрик,ты чего?

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Ничего, ничего. Прости. Прости.

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И ещё я... Я, ну...

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Думал про твой менструальный цикл.

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Мой менструальный цикл?

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Мне интересно, типа...

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Когда вот у тебя менструация, мам.

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Примерно сколько дней она у тебя?

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Ну, Эрик, в среднем шесть или семь дней...

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Эрик? Родной?

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Эрик, что происходит? Так уже не первый раз.

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Мам, мам! Ответишь мне?

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Конечно, родной.

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Примерно сколько раз я блевал за ужином?

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Не знаю, Эрик. Наверное уже раз шесть или семь...

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ПСИХОЛОГ

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Иисус, собирайся, мы все идём выпить.

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Что?

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Понимаю, тебе пока с нами сложно.

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Так что мы с женой нашли тебе

прелестную христианку. Мы вас познакомим.

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Я как-то не хочу. Спасибо, но...

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Хорош тебе, она приличная женщина,

только что приняла христианство.

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Жена с ней познакомилась там,

где стала христианкой.

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И я такая типа: «Блин, мне нужен

новый жизненный ориентир».

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Меня просто уже реально достало,

что все вокруг такие нытики.

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Воукизм этот, и то, что бабы хотят быть мужиками.

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И я начала, типа, изучать Библию.

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Я книги, конечно, не читала,

но слушала кучу подкастов.

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И я приняла веру и такая: «Вот это кайф!»

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Только парни вечно пялятся на мою веру.

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Вы простите меня, но мне надо в уборную.

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Конечно, Иисус!

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А он вроде прикольный!

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ЦЕНТР ПЛАНИРОВАНИЯ СЕМЬИ

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Мисс ... Дэвидсон?

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Мисс ... Коко «Шлюшка» Дэвидсон?

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Ой, да это ж я! Я Коко «Шлюшка» Дэвидсон!

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Я пришла сделать аборт.

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Доктор вас ожидает, мэм.

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Эй, док!

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Короче, дело такое, нужно сделать аборт.

Но не мне, а моему партнёру.

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И говорить никому нельзя. Даже ему.

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И как я это сделаю?

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Ты пойдёшь со мной ко мне домой.

И ты отсосёшь эту хрень, пока все спят.

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Ваш дом случайно не белого цвета?

00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:11,360

Блин, откуда знаешь?

00:10:11,590 --> 00:10:13,540

Господин Президент, я смотрю новости.

00:10:13,570 --> 00:10:16,180

Сатана от вас забеременел,

это ваша ответственность.

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Теперь и твоя тоже! Или я тебя засужу нахрен!

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Даже если бы я согласился помочь,

я не знаю, как делать аборт Сатане.

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Для этого вам нужен наверное

эксперт по Антихристу.

00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:37,640

Питер Тиль всё знает про Антихриста.

Питер Тиль всё знает про Антихриста.

00:10:37,670 --> 00:10:42,610

Я Питер Тиль, я всё знаю про Антихриста!

00:10:45,650 --> 00:10:48,500

Слушайте, у вас тут очень серьёзная проблема.

00:10:48,730 --> 00:10:52,660

Ваши ученики в каком-то культе,

связанном с цифрами шесть и семь.

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И что нам делать?

00:10:54,550 --> 00:10:57,490

Мне нужен доступ ко всей закрытой информации.

00:10:57,500 --> 00:11:01,090

Альбомам, журналам здоровья,

и конечно, записям с камер.

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Нет! Слушайте, я думаю, это лишнее.

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Неужели уже до такого дошло?

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Отдадим личные данные

техно-миллиардеру, который проповедует Библию?

00:11:12,700 --> 00:11:14,330

Не уважаешь Иисуса, чувак?

00:11:15,270 --> 00:11:18,290

Брось, ты сам стал христианином три месяца назад.

00:11:18,460 --> 00:11:23,000

И чё, сука, я верую, да! А ты чё, ссыкло? Поборемся?

00:11:23,130 --> 00:11:24,520

Спокойно, давайте без...

00:11:24,540 --> 00:11:27,090

Показать, чё бывает с теми, кто срёт на мою веру?

00:11:28,470 --> 00:11:30,030

Я надеру твой безбожный зад!

00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:44,920

Постарайся не шевелиться, Эрик.

00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:47,120

Доктор, а можно спросить?

00:11:47,310 --> 00:11:48,160

Конечно.

00:11:48,380 --> 00:11:49,530

А сколько

00:11:50,530 --> 00:11:51,920

мне надо лежать?

00:11:51,970 --> 00:11:53,940

Всего десять секунд, Эрик.

00:11:54,020 --> 00:11:54,690

Понял.

00:11:57,500 --> 00:11:58,490

А сейчас сколько?

00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:00,300

Ещё шесть-семь секунд, Эрик...

00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:12,720

Мне жаль, миссис Картман, но мы

не видим источник его болезни.

00:12:14,540 --> 00:12:19,420

Если его и дальше будет рвать каждый день,

боюсь, это может угрожать жизни.

00:12:19,590 --> 00:12:20,580

Доктор!

00:12:21,150 --> 00:12:23,400

Если я не смогу глотать еду...

00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:25,440

Сколько примерно я смогу...

00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:29,560

Через сколько обычно человек умирает?

00:12:29,940 --> 00:12:31,500

Эрик, я буду с тобой честен.

00:12:32,090 --> 00:12:35,680

Без нужных элементов питания тело

умирает через шесть-семь недель.

00:12:41,270 --> 00:12:43,340

ПСИХОЛОГ

00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:46,420

Простите, но это мой компьютер.

00:12:46,510 --> 00:12:50,100

Знаю. Именно здесь все личные данные учеников.

00:12:50,190 --> 00:12:52,300

Иисус, Питер Тиль знает, что делает.

00:12:52,430 --> 00:12:56,760

Я скачал данные студентов

и загрузил их в ИИ-распознаватель лиц.

00:12:56,770 --> 00:12:59,660

Чтобы школьные камеры

фиксировали каждый их шаг.

00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:00,560

Смотрите.

00:13:01,420 --> 00:13:06,410

Два ученика идут по коридору.

Они показывают друг другу знак «шесть-семь».

00:13:06,730 --> 00:13:12,100

Ровно 67 секунд спустя странный

мальчик в парке показывает этот знак.

00:13:12,300 --> 00:13:16,760

А потом в женском туалете

ещё две девочки делают то же самое.

00:13:17,220 --> 00:13:20,360

Так, а почему в женской уборной стоят камеры?

00:13:20,470 --> 00:13:22,520

Чтобы остановить Антихриста.

00:13:22,930 --> 00:13:24,950

А теперь я слежу за этой девочкой.

00:13:25,390 --> 00:13:28,250

Она живет на Mala Vista Drive, 67.

00:13:28,260 --> 00:13:32,880

Судя по семейным медицинским записям,

у её отца обнаружили рак яичек.

00:13:32,940 --> 00:13:36,780

Ему удалили одно ровно 67 дней назад.

00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:39,160

А вот это вообще не наше дело.

00:13:39,540 --> 00:13:43,420

И как я должен работать, когда эта

любопытная Варвара суёт свой нос?

00:13:43,540 --> 00:13:45,960

Иисус, давай-ка потолкуем в коридоре.

00:13:54,390 --> 00:13:55,770

Я уже близко.

00:13:55,950 --> 00:13:58,650

Я почти нашёл способ это предотвратить.

00:14:00,910 --> 00:14:03,490

У нас очень мало времени, мистер Тиль.

00:14:03,530 --> 00:14:05,640

Антихрист вот-вот явится.

00:14:06,110 --> 00:14:09,580

Сатана прямо сейчас стоит

и выбирает детскую коляску.

00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:16,180

Если мы хотим понять, что значат это цифры,

мне нужен доступ ко всем государственным базам.

00:14:16,580 --> 00:14:18,570

Он у вас будет, мистер Тиль.

00:14:18,740 --> 00:14:24,530

Сейчас нет ничего более важного,

нужно не допустить рождение этого ребёнка.

00:14:30,860 --> 00:14:32,850

Послушай, тяжко, да.

00:14:33,490 --> 00:14:36,860

Но отчаянные времена

обычно требуют отчаянных мер.

00:14:37,830 --> 00:14:40,850

Мне не нравится, что мы так обращаемся с людьми.

00:14:41,570 --> 00:14:45,810

Я считаю, что всегда главное —

любить и уважать друг друга.

00:14:48,510 --> 00:14:51,500

Ладно, я кое-чего спрошу, но ты скажи честно.

00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:53,570

Ты чё, педик?

00:14:54,340 --> 00:14:55,930

Нет, это вообще не при чём!

00:14:55,970 --> 00:14:57,290

Ты, блин, уверен?

00:14:57,300 --> 00:15:00,130

Я просто пытаюсь сказать, что очень запутался.

00:15:00,180 --> 00:15:03,440

Ага, запутался, это типа у тебя на мужиков встаёт?

00:15:03,610 --> 00:15:06,180

Нет, как возможно изменить то, кем мы являемся?

00:15:07,920 --> 00:15:10,880

Прости, но ты не понял,

что сейчас главное в христианстве.

00:15:12,150 --> 00:15:14,880

Идём, я знаю, с кем тебе нужно поговорить.

00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:17,066

РЕСТОРАН «ФАБРИКА ЧИЗКЕЙКОВ»

00:15:17,090 --> 00:15:20,900

Ой, да! Антихрист! Я же кучу

подкастов про это слушала!

00:15:21,250 --> 00:15:25,020

Вот все говорят, что Антихрист

придёт, а я такая: «Да он уже тут!»

00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:27,530

«Я была за ним замужем в 2018-м!»

00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:31,760

Блин, если бы он увидел, какая

я сейчас христианка, то обосрался бы!

00:15:32,210 --> 00:15:35,000

Не ревнуй! Какой он прикольный!

00:15:47,060 --> 00:15:47,560

Эй.

00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:50,500

Эй, Сатана!

00:16:01,850 --> 00:16:02,800

Привет, босс!

00:16:03,140 --> 00:16:03,840

Сука Чёрт!

00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:07,610

Простите, босс. Я не знал, что Сатана спит.

00:16:07,890 --> 00:16:09,700

Он теперь только это и делает!

00:16:10,060 --> 00:16:11,100

Бедный босс.

00:16:11,310 --> 00:16:14,000

Раз вы собирались дрочить,

я принесу коврик для кончи.

00:16:14,220 --> 00:16:15,810

Нет! Ничего я не дрочил!

00:16:16,060 --> 00:16:18,490

Понял, босс. Принесу ваш коврик.

00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:26,960

Чего ты там копаешься?

00:16:27,530 --> 00:16:33,360

Я уже близок к разгадке. Я сузил круг

до мальчика, который одержим больше всех.

00:16:33,410 --> 00:16:36,600

Тогда разберись с ним, главное по-тихому.

00:16:36,860 --> 00:16:39,730

Никто не должен знать, что мы работаем вместе.

00:16:39,870 --> 00:16:44,970

И когда я стану президентом, ты получишь

доступ к данным всех американцев.

00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:50,290

Я уже поговорил с матерью,

сейчас как раз еду на встречу с ребёнком.

00:17:02,090 --> 00:17:08,360

Питер Тиль всё знает про Антихриста.

Питер Тиль всё знает про Антихриста.

00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:13,480

Я Питер Тиль, я всё знаю про Антихристааа!

00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:17,020

- И мы его сегодня победим!

- Победим!

00:17:17,660 --> 00:17:18,900

Ваш сын дома?

00:17:19,340 --> 00:17:20,840

Да, Мистер Тиль.

00:17:21,910 --> 00:17:23,540

Он у себя наверху.

00:17:42,230 --> 00:17:44,260

Эрик, я Питер Тиль.

00:17:45,510 --> 00:17:47,060

Я спасаю нашу страну.

00:17:48,190 --> 00:17:49,050

Ну, ясно.

00:17:49,690 --> 00:17:51,050

Я прибыл к тебе

00:17:52,380 --> 00:17:53,940

на Uber, Эрик.

00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:01,560

Хочешь знать, сколько я сюда добирался?

00:18:03,510 --> 00:18:04,280

Сколько?

00:18:05,730 --> 00:18:08,840

Где-то минут шесть или семь, я точно не...

00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,100

Охренеть! Охренеть!

00:18:17,300 --> 00:18:20,080

Да они просто кучка тупых либерастов.

00:18:20,190 --> 00:18:22,300

Я всё знаю, я подкасты слушаю.

00:18:22,380 --> 00:18:25,760

Знаете, кто, как я думаю,

реальный Антихрист — Грета Тунберг.

00:18:25,810 --> 00:18:30,480

С этой дибильной стрижкой и чёлкой!

Вот у неё в жопе точно что-то застряло!

00:18:32,420 --> 00:18:35,600

Не могу. Я больше не могу!

00:18:42,610 --> 00:18:43,680

Всё ровно, бро?

00:18:44,140 --> 00:18:47,360

Ничего не ровно! Не знаю, зачем я вообще пришёл!

00:18:47,740 --> 00:18:49,960

Ты пытаешься следовать линии партии.

00:18:50,090 --> 00:18:53,540

Пегги Рокботтом — горячая

христианка, хорош вести себя как гей!

00:18:53,910 --> 00:18:58,980

Не знаю, что для тебя значит

христианство, но оно точно не про это вот всё.

00:18:59,260 --> 00:19:00,120

В смысле?

00:19:00,410 --> 00:19:05,580

Я о том, что у тебя и у многих людей

очень искажённое видение христианства.

00:19:05,780 --> 00:19:09,080

Критикуешь мою веру? Нарываешься, сука?

00:19:09,380 --> 00:19:11,330

Нет, вовсе я не нарываюсь.

00:19:11,370 --> 00:19:13,800

- У тебя проблема, бро?

- У меня проблем нет.

00:19:13,850 --> 00:19:15,820

Это у тебя есть проблема.

00:19:15,910 --> 00:19:19,160

Ты не можешь не чморить людей

и прикрываешься Библей!

00:19:21,450 --> 00:19:24,330

Нравится тебе? Да? Ещё хочешь, да?

00:19:27,230 --> 00:19:28,970

Я не буду с тобой драться.

00:19:29,190 --> 00:19:31,580

Ещё бы, ты ведь мелкое гейское ссыкло!

00:19:33,890 --> 00:19:36,840

И не возвращайся, а то ещё получишь, сучка!

00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:41,240

Объясни, что всё это значит!

00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:47,600

Господь сотворил мир

за шесть дней, а на седьмой отдыхал!

00:19:50,310 --> 00:19:52,930

Ты объяснишь мне значение всего?!

00:19:55,010 --> 00:19:59,980

Здесь я ему ничем не помогу.

Надо везти его в столицу, Вашингтон.

00:20:00,610 --> 00:20:05,600

Вашингтон? Нет, ему нельзя

никуда ехать, он же очень болен!

00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:09,660

Ваш сын — ключ к спасению

нашей страны, мисс Картман.

00:20:09,700 --> 00:20:12,280

Всё, что нам дорого, может исчезнуть.

00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:16,900

Нам нужно узнать, что он скрывает.

Чего бы это ни стоило!

00:21:26,020 --> 00:21:27,706

РЕСТОРАН «ФАБРИКА ЧИЗКЕЙКОВ»

00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:29,800

Жги, блин, Иисус!

00:21:39,450 --> 00:21:43,280

- Погнали, нахер, бро!

- Да, котик! Кайф!

00:21:45,290 --> 00:21:50,850

Переведено студией HDrezka Studio.

00:00:10,532 --> 00:00:12,447

♪ Gonna have myself a time

00:00:12,490 --> 00:00:13,926

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:14,057 --> 00:00:15,841

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,928 --> 00:00:17,060

♪ I'm goin' down

to South Park ♪

00:00:17,147 --> 00:00:18,931

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,975 --> 00:00:20,716

♪ Ample parking day

or night ♪

00:00:20,846 --> 00:00:22,500

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor" ♪

00:00:22,631 --> 00:00:23,719

♪ I'm headin' on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:23,849 --> 00:00:25,851

♪ Gonna see

if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:29,159 --> 00:00:30,334

♪ Come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:30,378 --> 00:00:32,162

♪ And meet some friends

of mine ♪

00:00:39,909 --> 00:00:41,954

Hey, fellas! Fellas!

00:00:42,085 --> 00:00:44,566

You wanna know what time

I woke up this morning?

00:00:44,696 --> 00:00:46,655

- What time?

- Around six-seven!

00:00:46,742 --> 00:00:49,005

all: Six-seven!

00:00:49,092 --> 00:00:50,528

Oh, hey, Annie. Ladies.

00:00:50,659 --> 00:00:52,878

Did you guys do your homework

last night?

00:00:52,965 --> 00:00:56,491

I tried to, but I got stuck on

problems six and seven!

00:00:56,534 --> 00:00:58,101

all: Six-seven!

00:00:59,450 --> 00:01:00,756

Hey, Eric!

00:01:00,799 --> 00:01:02,366

I know, Butters. I know.

Don't do it to me.

00:01:02,410 --> 00:01:04,194

It's too funny.

- But I just did a six-seven

00:01:04,325 --> 00:01:06,370

with Annie and Megan

at the same time!

00:01:06,414 --> 00:01:07,980

Yeah, five minutes ago

I snuck up on Wendy

00:01:08,111 --> 00:01:09,373

and totally six-seven'd

her from behind.

00:01:09,504 --> 00:01:10,722

- Wow!

- Hey, Scott.

00:01:10,766 --> 00:01:11,984

How's your diabetes, man?

00:01:12,115 --> 00:01:15,597

- My diabetes?

- Yeah, what's your A1C at?

00:01:15,684 --> 00:01:17,120

6.7.

00:01:17,251 --> 00:01:19,818

all: Six-seven!

00:01:19,949 --> 00:01:21,124

Oh, my God.

00:01:21,168 --> 00:01:23,561

So fucking funny.

00:01:26,216 --> 00:01:27,957

All right, everyone,

listen up.

00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:30,786

I've gotten a lot of reports

of disruptions in the classroom

00:01:30,916 --> 00:01:33,789

and some satanic numerology

shit going on.

00:01:33,919 --> 00:01:36,792

So I want to remind you this is

a Power Christian school,

00:01:36,922 --> 00:01:38,315

and I am

a Power Christian Principal,

00:01:38,359 --> 00:01:40,012

and we will be PC!

00:01:40,056 --> 00:01:42,058

So now I want you to hear

from someone

00:01:42,189 --> 00:01:45,017

who is the highest authority

on Biblical prophecies.

00:01:45,148 --> 00:01:47,846

This person is an absolute

expert on the end of days

00:01:47,977 --> 00:01:49,718

and the coming

of the Antichrist.

00:01:49,805 --> 00:01:52,503

Please welcome Mr. Pete Thiel.

00:01:54,810 --> 00:01:57,813

♪ Peter Thiel

knows about the Antichrist ♪

00:01:57,943 --> 00:02:00,859

♪ Peter Thiel knows about

the Antichrist ♪

00:02:00,903 --> 00:02:06,082

♪ I'm Peter Thiel and I know

about the Antichrist ♪

00:02:06,213 --> 00:02:07,562

♪ Let's learn about

the Antichrist today ♪

00:02:07,605 --> 00:02:09,259

♪ Today

00:02:09,303 --> 00:02:10,391

Hello, kids, I'm Peter Thiel,

and I'm here to talk to you

00:02:10,434 --> 00:02:12,132

about the Antichrist!

00:02:15,004 --> 00:02:17,267

OK, so first,

what is the Antichrist?

00:02:17,311 --> 00:02:19,226

The Antichrist is a newer,

more human form of Satan

00:02:19,356 --> 00:02:20,618

that will soon walk the Earth.

00:02:20,662 --> 00:02:22,098

We don't know how soon

it will walk the Earth,

00:02:22,229 --> 00:02:24,187

but it could be within

the next six to seven weeks.

00:02:24,231 --> 00:02:26,581

Six-seven!

00:02:27,930 --> 00:02:29,758

Uh, kay.

00:02:29,845 --> 00:02:31,673

Uh, you see,

Satan was a fallen angel

00:02:31,803 --> 00:02:33,283

and God punished him,

00:02:33,414 --> 00:02:35,851

and to make sure that Satan

could never have offspring,

00:02:35,981 --> 00:02:38,897

the Lord God did shrink

Satan's asshole

00:02:39,028 --> 00:02:41,987

to the size

of a tiny, little pinhole

00:02:42,074 --> 00:02:45,643

so nothing could ever penetrate

and ejaculate inside of it.

00:02:45,774 --> 00:02:48,342

So Satan could never

have a butt baby until

00:02:48,429 --> 00:02:50,648

along came Mr. Donald Trunp,

00:02:50,779 --> 00:02:53,825

whose penis is so teeny,

teeny tiny

00:02:53,869 --> 00:02:56,654

it could actually fit

in Satan's asshole.

00:02:56,785 --> 00:02:58,526

How small is

Donald Trump's penis?

00:02:58,656 --> 00:03:01,224

Somewhere between six and seven

centimeters.

00:03:01,355 --> 00:03:04,706

Six-seven!

00:03:04,836 --> 00:03:06,925

Hey, look, this is very

important, people.

00:03:07,056 --> 00:03:08,666

OK, the Antichrist is coming.

00:03:08,753 --> 00:03:12,322

The Bible refers to the eagle,

which refers to America,

00:03:12,366 --> 00:03:14,281

the fourth seal broken,

and hell coming to Earth.

00:03:14,324 --> 00:03:18,285

It's right here

in Revelations 6...

00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:19,764

six-seven.

00:03:19,808 --> 00:03:22,289

Six-seven!

00:03:24,595 --> 00:03:27,337

Good, and breathe in

through your nose.

00:03:27,381 --> 00:03:28,947

And out through your mouth.

00:03:29,034 --> 00:03:30,732

In--two, three four.

00:03:30,862 --> 00:03:32,734

And exhale--two, three, four.

00:03:32,864 --> 00:03:34,431

Good.

Let your shoulders soften.

00:03:34,475 --> 00:03:36,259

Let your jaw relax.

00:03:36,346 --> 00:03:38,870

Now gentle pressure on the hips

as your partner exhales.

00:03:39,001 --> 00:03:40,002

Good.

00:03:40,045 --> 00:03:42,526

This is so boring!

00:03:42,657 --> 00:03:44,702

How about you shut up

and do your job?

00:03:44,833 --> 00:03:46,704

Ah, come on, Satan!

00:03:46,748 --> 00:03:48,097

How about we just go home

and fuck?

00:03:48,140 --> 00:03:49,968

We haven't had sex in forever.

00:03:50,099 --> 00:03:52,275

That's because it's bad

for the baby.

00:03:52,362 --> 00:03:54,495

Yeah, but fuck the baby.

This is stupid!

00:03:54,625 --> 00:03:56,279

Did you just say

"fuck the baby"?

00:03:56,410 --> 00:03:58,716

Hey, relax, guy.

00:03:58,847 --> 00:04:00,675

I didn't mean like

really fuck the baby!

00:04:00,718 --> 00:04:02,416

No, you know what?

You can just go home.

00:04:02,503 --> 00:04:03,765

I'll finish this myself.

00:04:03,895 --> 00:04:05,723

You can go home

and jack off if you want.

00:04:05,854 --> 00:04:07,899

Perfect.

00:04:27,919 --> 00:04:29,007

Hello, boss!

00:04:29,094 --> 00:04:30,661

Ah! Shit!

00:04:30,748 --> 00:04:31,967

Good news, boss,

00:04:32,010 --> 00:04:34,752

we just shut down

another abortion clinic.

00:04:34,796 --> 00:04:36,711

Oh, yeah, great.

That's great.

00:04:36,754 --> 00:04:37,973

Yes, boss.

00:04:38,103 --> 00:04:40,671

You've made all the Christians

so happy.

00:04:40,758 --> 00:04:44,371

Of course, there is still

one more clinic

00:04:44,414 --> 00:04:46,329

that will still perform

abortions

00:04:46,460 --> 00:04:48,244

right here in town.

00:04:49,332 --> 00:04:50,942

- There is?

- Oh, yes.

00:04:50,986 --> 00:04:53,162

How unfortunate

that some babies

00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:56,121

will not be able to be born.

00:04:56,208 --> 00:04:59,473

As Christians, we can't allow

this to continue.

00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,779

Perhaps you should go speak

00:05:01,910 --> 00:05:04,521

with this abortion doctor

personally.

00:05:04,565 --> 00:05:07,132

Yeah. Yeah!

00:05:09,787 --> 00:05:11,311

Come on.

00:05:13,791 --> 00:05:15,402

PC Principal,

do you have a minute?

00:05:15,532 --> 00:05:16,925

Sure, Jesus.

What do you need?

00:05:17,012 --> 00:05:19,797

I'm starting to wonder

if I really fit in here.

00:05:19,928 --> 00:05:21,451

Course you fit in.

00:05:21,582 --> 00:05:23,453

This school's been a cesspool

of heathen left-wing

00:05:23,584 --> 00:05:26,543

little bitches, and only our

faith is gonna set them right.

00:05:26,587 --> 00:05:28,980

Could I ask exactly

00:05:29,024 --> 00:05:32,027

what branch of Christianity

are you?

00:05:32,157 --> 00:05:33,245

The kind that

loves his country

00:05:33,376 --> 00:05:35,247

and doesn't tolerate

any fucking fags.

00:05:35,378 --> 00:05:38,642

Yeah, see, I-I really think

I don't belong here.

00:05:38,686 --> 00:05:40,557

Look, I understand

it's a tough transition.

00:05:40,601 --> 00:05:42,211

You know,

the vice principal here

00:05:42,254 --> 00:05:44,387

had the same conflict as you,

but she's really come around.

00:05:44,474 --> 00:05:46,389

The vice principal?

Your wife?

00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:47,782

That's right.

00:05:47,825 --> 00:05:49,697

Can you send in Strong

Christian Woman, please?

00:05:49,740 --> 00:05:52,090

She was saying this wasn't

the place for her anymore,

00:05:52,221 --> 00:05:54,354

but just this last weekend,

she converted to Christianity.

00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:57,922

You wanted to see me?

00:05:58,053 --> 00:05:59,620

Yeah, Strong Christian Woman,

I was just telling Jesus

00:05:59,663 --> 00:06:00,664

here about our faith.

00:06:00,795 --> 00:06:03,624

Oh, yes, it's been

such a blessing.

00:06:03,711 --> 00:06:05,974

She converted on Saturday.

What do you think, huh?

00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:07,976

You ever seen a more Christian

chick in your fucking life?

00:06:08,106 --> 00:06:09,543

Never.

00:06:09,673 --> 00:06:11,109

Look,

I know it's a hard adjustment,

00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:12,459

but just stick with it,

00:06:12,502 --> 00:06:14,591

and you're gonna fit in here

just fine, Jesus.

00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:31,347

Everything go good at school

today, honey?

00:06:31,478 --> 00:06:33,784

Yep, yep. School was good.

00:06:33,871 --> 00:06:37,222

School was pretty good.

00:06:37,309 --> 00:06:38,702

Is everything OK, honey?

00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:39,834

Yeah. Everything's fine.

00:06:39,877 --> 00:06:41,270

It's fine.

00:06:41,313 --> 00:06:43,490

Mom? Uh, could I--

could I ask you something?

00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:44,578

Sure, Eric.

00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:46,014

Do you know, um--

00:06:46,101 --> 00:06:47,581

do you know on average,

00:06:47,711 --> 00:06:49,931

um, at what age kids

lose their baby teeth?

00:06:50,061 --> 00:06:51,585

Oh, I'm not sure, Eric.

00:06:51,715 --> 00:06:53,804

I guess usually around

six, seven?

00:06:57,982 --> 00:06:59,027

OK.

00:06:59,114 --> 00:07:00,245

Eric, what?

00:07:00,332 --> 00:07:01,508

No, nothing. Nothing.

I'm sorry.

00:07:01,638 --> 00:07:02,944

I'm sorry.

00:07:03,074 --> 00:07:05,381

I was just, uh--

I was just, um--

00:07:05,512 --> 00:07:07,905

I was just thinking about

your menstrual cycle.

00:07:08,036 --> 00:07:09,690

My menstrual cycle?

00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:11,561

Yeah, I was just wondering

00:07:11,692 --> 00:07:14,303

when you actual menstruate,

Mom.

00:07:14,346 --> 00:07:17,349

Like, roughly, how many days

does that last?

00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:18,655

Well, Eric,

it's usually around

00:07:18,699 --> 00:07:20,048

six to seven days

that a woman--

00:07:25,227 --> 00:07:27,272

Oh. Oh.

00:07:36,978 --> 00:07:39,110

Eric? Sweetie?

00:07:42,374 --> 00:07:45,203

Eric, what is going on?

This keeps happening.

00:07:45,334 --> 00:07:48,206

Mom, Mom,

you gotta tell me something.

00:07:48,293 --> 00:07:49,556

Of course, honey.

00:07:49,599 --> 00:07:51,732

Roughly how many nights--

00:07:51,775 --> 00:07:53,081

have I been throwing up

at dinner?

00:07:53,168 --> 00:07:54,778

I-I don't know, Eric.

00:07:54,822 --> 00:07:56,127

It's probably been

six or seven nights--

00:08:09,140 --> 00:08:10,620

Hey, Jesus,

get your stuff, man.

00:08:10,664 --> 00:08:12,404

We're going out for drinks.

- What?

00:08:12,448 --> 00:08:13,536

Look,

I know it's been hard for you

00:08:13,623 --> 00:08:14,929

trying to adjust here

and everything,

00:08:14,972 --> 00:08:16,234

so the wife and I were talking

00:08:16,365 --> 00:08:17,497

and we found

a nice Christian lady

00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:18,541

we're gonna set you up with.

00:08:18,672 --> 00:08:21,631

Oh, I don't think so.

Thanks, but--

00:08:21,675 --> 00:08:23,328

Oh, come on, man.

She's a really great woman,

00:08:23,415 --> 00:08:25,374

and she just converted

to Christianity.

00:08:25,417 --> 00:08:29,683

My wife met her at the same

place that she became Christian.

00:08:29,813 --> 00:08:31,467

So then I was like,

"You know what?

00:08:31,598 --> 00:08:33,382

I need a new direction

in my life.

00:08:33,425 --> 00:08:35,906

It's like I just got so sick of

everyone being such a pussy

00:08:35,993 --> 00:08:37,952

all the time,

and all this woke garbage

00:08:37,995 --> 00:08:39,693

and women trying to be men.

00:08:39,823 --> 00:08:41,564

So I just started reading

the Bible, you know?

00:08:41,651 --> 00:08:43,174

I mean, I didn't actually

read the Bible,

00:08:43,218 --> 00:08:44,872

but I listened to

a lot of podcasts.

00:08:44,915 --> 00:08:46,569

And once I went through

my transition, I was like,

00:08:46,613 --> 00:08:48,136

"This is great,"

00:08:48,223 --> 00:08:51,139

only now, guys are always

checking out my Christianity.

00:08:51,226 --> 00:08:52,706

Sorry,

could you all excuse me?

00:08:52,793 --> 00:08:54,272

I need to go to the bathroom.

00:08:54,359 --> 00:08:55,926

Sure thing, Jesus.

00:08:58,189 --> 00:09:00,496

He seems nice.

00:09:25,086 --> 00:09:28,045

Miss Davidson?

00:09:28,176 --> 00:09:32,615

Miss Coco Slutty Davidson?

00:09:32,746 --> 00:09:34,182

Oh, yeah, that's me!

00:09:34,269 --> 00:09:36,097

I'm Coco Slutty Davidson.

00:09:36,227 --> 00:09:37,402

I'm just here

to get an abortion.

00:09:41,537 --> 00:09:44,322

The doctor's right in here...

ma'am.

00:09:44,409 --> 00:09:46,760

Hey, doc!

00:09:52,243 --> 00:09:53,680

All right, listen,

00:09:53,723 --> 00:09:55,638

I need you to perform an

abortion, but it's not for me.

00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:57,074

It's for my partner.

00:09:57,118 --> 00:09:58,293

And you can't tell anyone,

00:09:58,423 --> 00:10:00,295

not even my partner.

00:10:00,425 --> 00:10:01,905

How am I supposed to do that?

00:10:02,036 --> 00:10:03,298

Well, you're gonna come

with me, see,

00:10:03,428 --> 00:10:04,952

and we're gonna sneak

into my house,

00:10:04,995 --> 00:10:07,998

and you're gonna suck that thing

out while everyone's asleep.

00:10:08,129 --> 00:10:10,305

You house wouldn't happen

to be white, would it?

00:10:10,348 --> 00:10:11,567

Hey! How do you know that?

00:10:11,698 --> 00:10:13,743

Look, Mr. President,

I've seen the news.

00:10:13,787 --> 00:10:16,354

If you got Satan pregnant,

that's your responsibility.

00:10:16,485 --> 00:10:18,313

Well, it's your

responsibility now!

00:10:18,356 --> 00:10:20,097

Or else I'll sue you,

how about that?

00:10:20,141 --> 00:10:22,099

Even if I wanted

to help you, sir,

00:10:22,230 --> 00:10:23,884

I have no idea

how to perform an abortion

00:10:24,014 --> 00:10:25,581

on the offspring of Satan.

00:10:25,712 --> 00:10:28,845

To do that, you'd need some kind

of expert on the Antichrist.

00:10:31,935 --> 00:10:34,677

♪ Peter Thiel knows

about the Antichrist ♪

00:10:34,764 --> 00:10:37,941

♪ Peter Thiel knows

about the Antichrist ♪

00:10:37,985 --> 00:10:42,859

♪ I'm Peter Thiel and I know

about the Antichrist ♪

00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:46,689

All right, listen,

00:10:46,776 --> 00:10:48,778

you people have a very serious

problem here.

00:10:48,822 --> 00:10:51,128

Your students appear to be in

some kind of cult

00:10:51,172 --> 00:10:52,869

involving the numbers six

and seven.

00:10:52,913 --> 00:10:54,697

All right,

so what should we do?

00:10:54,784 --> 00:10:57,569

I'm going to need access to

all your school's private data--

00:10:57,700 --> 00:10:59,833

school records, health records,

and of course,

00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:01,356

all security cameras.

00:11:01,399 --> 00:11:03,924

Oh, no, look,

I don't think we need it--

00:11:04,054 --> 00:11:06,056

Is this really

what we've come to?

00:11:06,143 --> 00:11:08,189

Freely handing people's

personal data over

00:11:08,232 --> 00:11:10,539

to some tech billionaire

preaching shit about the Bible?

00:11:12,846 --> 00:11:15,500

You got a problem with Jesus, bro?

00:11:15,587 --> 00:11:18,590

Come on, man, you became a

Christian like three months ago.

00:11:18,634 --> 00:11:20,331

Yeah,

I've got fucking faith, dude!

00:11:20,375 --> 00:11:21,942

What do you have,

you little bitch?

00:11:21,985 --> 00:11:23,160

You wanna throw down, bro?

00:11:23,204 --> 00:11:24,814

OK, hey, hey, hey--

00:11:24,858 --> 00:11:25,946

You wanna see what it feels

like to talk shit

00:11:25,989 --> 00:11:27,251

about Christians, dude?

00:11:28,862 --> 00:11:30,167

I'll kick your heathen ass,

bro!

00:11:43,441 --> 00:11:45,226

All right, just try

to be still, Eric.

00:11:45,356 --> 00:11:47,184

Doctor,

could I ask a question?

00:11:47,315 --> 00:11:48,577

Of course.

00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:50,535

About how long--

00:11:50,622 --> 00:11:52,102

do you need me to be still?

00:11:52,189 --> 00:11:53,974

Just about ten seconds, Eric.

00:11:54,017 --> 00:11:54,931

OK.

00:11:57,499 --> 00:11:58,805

So how long now?

00:11:58,848 --> 00:12:00,328

Just another six, seven

seconds, Eric--

00:12:09,293 --> 00:12:11,034

I'm sorry, Mrs. Cartman,

but we can't pinpoint

00:12:11,165 --> 00:12:12,688

the source of his illness.

00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:17,214

If he continues to vomit

this much daily,

00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:19,260

I'm afraid it could be

life threatening.

00:12:19,390 --> 00:12:21,044

But, doctor,

00:12:21,088 --> 00:12:23,873

if I'm not able

to keep any food down,

00:12:23,917 --> 00:12:26,876

roughly how long would it take--

00:12:27,007 --> 00:12:29,792

roughly how long would it take

for the human body to die?

00:12:29,879 --> 00:12:32,012

Eric, I'm gonna be very honest

with you.

00:12:32,142 --> 00:12:33,840

Without sufficient nutrients,

00:12:33,883 --> 00:12:35,755

the body shuts down

after six to seven weeks.

00:12:44,502 --> 00:12:46,678

Excuse me, that's my computer.

00:12:46,722 --> 00:12:49,203

Yes. And your computer

has all the personal data

00:12:49,246 --> 00:12:51,031

of the students here.

- It's OK, Jesus,

00:12:51,161 --> 00:12:52,510

Peter Thiel knows

what he's doing.

00:12:52,641 --> 00:12:54,512

I've downloaded all

the students' information

00:12:54,643 --> 00:12:57,254

and loaded them into an

AI face detection program

00:12:57,341 --> 00:12:59,648

so the school's security cameras

can watch their every move.

00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,519

Now look.

00:13:01,650 --> 00:13:03,521

Two students passing each other

in the hallway.

00:13:03,652 --> 00:13:06,611

They give each other the sign--

six, seven.

00:13:06,655 --> 00:13:08,918

Exactly 67 seconds later,

00:13:09,049 --> 00:13:12,182

this odd parka-wearing child

makes the same gesture.

00:13:12,269 --> 00:13:14,706

And then

inside the girls bathroom,

00:13:14,750 --> 00:13:17,100

two girls doing the same thing.

00:13:17,144 --> 00:13:20,538

Wait, why is there a camera

inside the girls bathroom?

00:13:20,669 --> 00:13:23,063

To stop the Antichrist.

00:13:23,150 --> 00:13:25,195

Now I'm following the lead

on this girl here.

00:13:25,282 --> 00:13:28,503

She went home

to 67 Mala Vista Drive.

00:13:28,546 --> 00:13:30,331

Going through her family's

medical records,

00:13:30,461 --> 00:13:33,073

I found that her father has

testicular cancer

00:13:33,116 --> 00:13:36,990

and 67 days ago,

had one testicle removed.

00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,514

That really feels like

none of our business.

00:13:39,644 --> 00:13:41,168

I don't know how

I'm supposed to work

00:13:41,211 --> 00:13:43,518

with Nosy Nancy peering over

my shoulder all the time.

00:13:43,648 --> 00:13:45,085

Jesus, let's you and me

have a quick chin wiggle

00:13:45,215 --> 00:13:46,390

out in the hall.

00:13:54,659 --> 00:13:56,313

I'm getting close.

00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:59,360

I almost have the key

to stop it from happening.

00:14:01,188 --> 00:14:03,538

We are running out of time,

Mr. Thiel.

00:14:03,581 --> 00:14:05,975

The Antichrist is coming.

00:14:06,019 --> 00:14:10,284

Satan is shopping for

baby strollers as we speak.

00:14:10,327 --> 00:14:13,200

If I'm going to learn

what these numbers mean,

00:14:13,330 --> 00:14:16,333

I'm going to need access to

every government database.

00:14:16,464 --> 00:14:18,814

You will have it, Mr. Thiel.

00:14:18,945 --> 00:14:21,512

Nothing is more important

than making sure

00:14:21,556 --> 00:14:24,907

this baby is not born.

00:14:30,957 --> 00:14:33,481

Look, man, I know it's tough,

00:14:33,568 --> 00:14:35,526

but you gotta understand

that drastic times

00:14:35,570 --> 00:14:38,007

call for drastic measures.

00:14:38,051 --> 00:14:41,706

I just don't feel good about

treating people this way.

00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:44,492

I think the most important thing

still has to be loving

00:14:44,579 --> 00:14:46,146

and respecting each other.

00:14:48,626 --> 00:14:50,150

All right, man,

I need to ask you something

00:14:50,193 --> 00:14:52,282

and I need you

to tell me the truth.

00:14:52,369 --> 00:14:54,415

Are you a fag?

00:14:54,545 --> 00:14:56,069

No. That has nothing to do

with it. It just--

00:14:56,156 --> 00:14:57,766

Are you fucking sure?

00:14:57,809 --> 00:15:00,464

I'm just trying to say that

I'm really confused right now.

00:15:00,508 --> 00:15:02,162

OK, but confused like you

don't know if you're attracted

00:15:02,205 --> 00:15:03,815

to dudes, or like what?

00:15:03,859 --> 00:15:07,994

Like how we can just change

everything about who we are.

00:15:08,037 --> 00:15:09,560

I think you still

just don't understand

00:15:09,604 --> 00:15:12,172

what Christians today

are about.

00:15:12,259 --> 00:15:17,090

Come on. There's someone I think

you should talk to.

00:15:17,177 --> 00:15:18,613

Oh, yes, the Antichrist!

00:15:18,743 --> 00:15:21,442

I've listened to a lot

of podcasts about that.

00:15:21,485 --> 00:15:23,835

Everyone keeps saying

how the Antichrist is coming,

00:15:23,879 --> 00:15:25,402

but I'm like "He already did!

00:15:25,446 --> 00:15:28,057

I was married to him in 2018!"

00:15:28,101 --> 00:15:30,016

But seriously, if he saw

how Christian I was now,

00:15:30,146 --> 00:15:31,931

he'd probably shit his pants.

00:15:31,974 --> 00:15:33,671

Don't be jealous.

00:15:33,758 --> 00:15:35,456

He's so funny.

00:15:46,989 --> 00:15:48,817

Hey.

00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:50,950

Hey, Satan.

00:16:01,873 --> 00:16:03,919

- Hello, boss.

- Ah! Fuck! Shit!

00:16:04,006 --> 00:16:05,660

Oh, sorry, boss.

00:16:05,703 --> 00:16:07,836

I did not know

Satan was sleeping.

00:16:07,879 --> 00:16:09,794

Yeah, that's all he ever does

anymore.

00:16:09,838 --> 00:16:11,535

Poor boss.

00:16:11,666 --> 00:16:14,147

If you're going to jack off,

shall I fetch your cum rag?

00:16:14,234 --> 00:16:15,931

Hey! I wasn't jacking off!

00:16:16,018 --> 00:16:16,976

Sure thing, boss.

00:16:17,019 --> 00:16:18,803

I'll go get your cum rag.

00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,682

What is taking you so long?

00:16:27,725 --> 00:16:29,684

I'm very close to finding

the secret of the numbers.

00:16:29,727 --> 00:16:31,642

I've narrowed it down

to one little boy

00:16:31,686 --> 00:16:33,470

who seems more possessed

than the others.

00:16:33,514 --> 00:16:34,950

Then deal with him,

00:16:35,037 --> 00:16:37,083

and keep it quiet.

00:16:37,126 --> 00:16:39,694

Nobody can know

that we are working together.

00:16:39,824 --> 00:16:41,522

When I become president,

00:16:41,565 --> 00:16:45,265

I will give you full access

to everyone's data.

00:16:45,395 --> 00:16:47,528

I've already spoken

with the mother,

00:16:47,658 --> 00:16:51,053

and I'm on my way now

to face the child.

00:17:02,325 --> 00:17:05,546

♪ Peter Thiel knows

about the Antichrist ♪

00:17:05,589 --> 00:17:08,592

♪ Peter Thiel knows

about the Antichrist ♪

00:17:08,636 --> 00:17:13,945

♪ I'm Peter Thiel and I know

about the Antichrist ♪

00:17:13,989 --> 00:17:15,817

♪ Let's deal with

the Antichrist today ♪

00:17:15,860 --> 00:17:17,558

♪ Today

00:17:17,688 --> 00:17:19,299

Is your son home?

00:17:19,342 --> 00:17:21,518

Yes, Mr. Thiel.

00:17:21,562 --> 00:17:25,000

He's right upstairs.

00:17:42,148 --> 00:17:45,368

Eric, I'm Peter Thiel.

00:17:45,499 --> 00:17:47,718

I'm here to help our country.

00:17:47,849 --> 00:17:49,329

Uh, OK.

00:17:49,372 --> 00:17:52,462

I came to see you...

00:17:52,549 --> 00:17:55,161

in an Uber, Eric.

00:17:58,947 --> 00:18:01,906

Would you like to know how

long it took me to get here?

00:18:03,517 --> 00:18:05,301

How long?

00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:07,390

It took...

00:18:07,434 --> 00:18:08,870

around six or seven minutes.

I'm not really--

00:18:13,266 --> 00:18:15,137

No way! No way!

00:18:17,661 --> 00:18:20,273

You know, they're all just

a bunch of libtards anyways.

00:18:20,403 --> 00:18:22,536

I know what's up.

I listen to podcasts.

00:18:22,579 --> 00:18:24,538

You wanna know who I think

the Antichrist is?

00:18:24,581 --> 00:18:26,061

Greta Thunberg.

00:18:26,192 --> 00:18:28,237

With her stupid haircut

and her dumb bangs.

00:18:28,368 --> 00:18:30,544

Someone should yank out

whatever's up her ass.

00:18:32,502 --> 00:18:33,547

I can't.

00:18:33,590 --> 00:18:35,679

I just can't!

00:18:42,512 --> 00:18:44,166

Everything all right, bud?

00:18:44,253 --> 00:18:45,646

No, everything's

not all right!

00:18:45,776 --> 00:18:47,604

I don't know what

I'm doing here!

00:18:47,735 --> 00:18:50,259

You're trying to get with

the program, bro!

00:18:50,303 --> 00:18:52,131

Peggy Rockbottom is

a hot Christian girl,

00:18:52,174 --> 00:18:54,045

now stop acting gay!

00:18:54,176 --> 00:18:56,613

Look, I don't know what

you think Christianity is,

00:18:56,657 --> 00:18:59,181

but it has nothing to do

with that.

00:18:59,225 --> 00:19:00,704

What are you saying?

00:19:00,748 --> 00:19:02,837

I'm saying that you

and a lot of other people

00:19:02,967 --> 00:19:05,796

seem to have a very warped sense

of what Christianity is.

00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:07,450

Are you questioning my faith?

00:19:07,581 --> 00:19:09,365

You wanna fucking go?

00:19:09,409 --> 00:19:11,672

No, I don't want

to fucking go.

00:19:11,715 --> 00:19:14,153

- You got a problem, bro?

- No, I don't have a problem.

00:19:14,196 --> 00:19:16,024

You actually have a problem.

00:19:16,067 --> 00:19:17,547

You need a way to bully people

00:19:17,634 --> 00:19:19,201

and you're using the Bible

to do it.

00:19:21,290 --> 00:19:24,511

You like that?

Yeah! You want some more?

00:19:27,383 --> 00:19:29,298

I'm not gonna fight you!

00:19:29,342 --> 00:19:31,779

Damn right you won't, 'cause

you're a gay little pussy!

00:19:33,781 --> 00:19:35,304

Yeah, don't come back!

00:19:35,435 --> 00:19:37,698

You're gonna get some more,

bitch!

00:19:39,439 --> 00:19:41,354

Tell me what it means!

00:19:44,095 --> 00:19:45,880

The Lord labored six days

00:19:45,923 --> 00:19:47,447

and on the seventh, He rested!

00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:53,017

You will tell me

the significance!

00:19:55,106 --> 00:19:57,674

There's nothing more

I can do here.

00:19:57,805 --> 00:20:00,634

I have to take him

to Washington D.C.

00:20:00,677 --> 00:20:04,072

Washington?

Oh, no, he can't travel now.

00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:05,900

He's very sick.

00:20:05,943 --> 00:20:09,904

Your son is the key to saving

our country, Ms. Cartman.

00:20:10,034 --> 00:20:12,907

Everything we hold dear

could end.

00:20:12,950 --> 00:20:15,301

We have to unlock the secrets

he holds,

00:20:15,431 --> 00:20:18,695

no matter what it takes.

00:20:25,354 --> 00:20:30,533

♪ Sister Christian,

oh, the time has come ♪

00:20:30,664 --> 00:20:34,842

♪ And you know

that you're the only one ♪

00:20:34,929 --> 00:20:38,976

♪ To say "OK" ♪

00:20:41,631 --> 00:20:46,767

♪ Where you going?

What you looking for? ♪

00:20:46,810 --> 00:20:51,075

♪ You know those boys don't

wanna play no more ♪

00:20:51,206 --> 00:20:53,513

♪ With you ♪

00:20:53,556 --> 00:20:56,080

♪ It's true

00:21:07,744 --> 00:21:10,443

♪ You're motorin' ♪

00:21:10,530 --> 00:21:15,752

♪ What's your price

for flight? ♪

00:21:15,796 --> 00:21:21,105

♪ In finding Mr. Right

00:21:21,192 --> 00:21:24,718

♪ You'll be all right tonight ♪

00:21:28,243 --> 00:21:29,766

Fuck yeah, Jesus!

00:21:29,810 --> 00:21:31,768

♪ You're motorin'

00:21:31,812 --> 00:21:36,991

♪ What's your price

for flight? ♪

00:21:37,121 --> 00:21:39,385

♪ In finding Mr. Right? ♪

00:21:39,515 --> 00:21:41,256

Let's fucking go, bro!

00:21:41,343 --> 00:21:45,739

Yes, baby! Yes!

00:21:45,782 --> 00:21:48,611

♪ Tonight

00:00:09,313 --> 00:00:10,488

- ♪ I'm goin' down

to South Park ♪

00:00:10,532 --> 00:00:12,447

♪ Gonna have myself a time

00:00:12,490 --> 00:00:13,926

- ♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:14,057 --> 00:00:15,841

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,928 --> 00:00:17,060

- ♪ I'm goin' down

to South Park ♪

00:00:17,147 --> 00:00:18,931

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,975 --> 00:00:20,716

- ♪ Ample parking day

or night ♪

00:00:20,846 --> 00:00:22,500

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor" ♪

00:00:22,631 --> 00:00:23,719

- ♪ I'm headin' on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:23,849 --> 00:00:25,851

♪ Gonna see

if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,982 --> 00:00:29,116

- ♪ [mumbling] ♪

00:00:29,159 --> 00:00:30,334

- ♪ Come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:30,378 --> 00:00:32,162

♪ And meet some friends

of mine ♪

00:00:35,861 --> 00:00:36,775

[twangy music]

00:00:36,862 --> 00:00:39,865

[school bell rings]

00:00:39,909 --> 00:00:41,954

- Hey, fellas! Fellas!

00:00:42,085 --> 00:00:44,566

You wanna know what time

I woke up this morning?

00:00:44,696 --> 00:00:46,655

- What time?

- Around six-seven!

00:00:46,742 --> 00:00:49,005

all: Six-seven!

00:00:49,092 --> 00:00:50,528

- Oh, hey, Annie. Ladies.

00:00:50,659 --> 00:00:52,878

Did you guys do your homework

last night?

00:00:52,965 --> 00:00:56,491

I tried to, but I got stuck on

problems six and seven!

00:00:56,534 --> 00:00:58,101

all: Six-seven!

00:00:58,145 --> 00:00:59,320

- [Butters laughs]

00:00:59,450 --> 00:01:00,756

Hey, Eric!

00:01:00,799 --> 00:01:02,366

- I know, Butters. I know.

Don't do it to me.

00:01:02,410 --> 00:01:04,194

It's too funny.

- But I just did a six-seven

00:01:04,325 --> 00:01:06,370

with Annie and Megan

at the same time!

00:01:06,414 --> 00:01:07,980

- Yeah, five minutes ago

I snuck up on Wendy

00:01:08,111 --> 00:01:09,373

and totally six-seven'd

her from behind.

00:01:09,504 --> 00:01:10,722

- Wow!

- Hey, Scott.

00:01:10,766 --> 00:01:11,984

How's your diabetes, man?

00:01:12,115 --> 00:01:15,597

- My diabetes?

- Yeah, what's your A1C at?

00:01:15,684 --> 00:01:17,120

- 6.7.

00:01:17,251 --> 00:01:19,818

all: Six-seven!

00:01:19,949 --> 00:01:21,124

- [laughs] Oh, my God.

00:01:21,168 --> 00:01:23,561

So fucking funny.

00:01:23,692 --> 00:01:26,173

[indistinct chatter]

00:01:26,216 --> 00:01:27,957

- All right, everyone,

listen up.

00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:30,786

I've gotten a lot of reports

of disruptions in the classroom

00:01:30,916 --> 00:01:33,789

and some satanic numerology

shit going on.

00:01:33,919 --> 00:01:36,792

So I want to remind you this is

a Power Christian school,

00:01:36,922 --> 00:01:38,315

and I am

a Power Christian Principal,

00:01:38,359 --> 00:01:40,012

and we will be PC!

00:01:40,056 --> 00:01:42,058

So now I want you to hear

from someone

00:01:42,189 --> 00:01:45,017

who is the highest authority

on Biblical prophecies.

00:01:45,148 --> 00:01:47,846

This person is an absolute

expert on the end of days

00:01:47,977 --> 00:01:49,718

and the coming

of the Antichrist.

00:01:49,805 --> 00:01:52,503

Please welcome Mr. Pete Thiel.

00:01:52,590 --> 00:01:54,766

[upbeat music playing]

00:01:54,810 --> 00:01:57,813

- ♪ Peter Thiel

knows about the Antichrist ♪

00:01:57,943 --> 00:02:00,859

♪ Peter Thiel knows about

the Antichrist ♪

00:02:00,903 --> 00:02:06,082

- ♪ I'm Peter Thiel and I know

about the Antichrist ♪

00:02:06,213 --> 00:02:07,562

SINGERS: ♪ Let's learn about

the Antichrist today ♪

00:02:07,605 --> 00:02:09,259

- ♪ Today

00:02:09,303 --> 00:02:10,391

Hello, kids, I'm Peter Thiel,

and I'm here to talk to you

00:02:10,434 --> 00:02:12,132

about the Antichrist!

00:02:13,568 --> 00:02:14,873

[one person clapping]

00:02:15,004 --> 00:02:17,267

OK, so first,

what is the Antichrist?

00:02:17,311 --> 00:02:19,226

The Antichrist is a newer,

more human form of Satan

00:02:19,356 --> 00:02:20,618

that will soon walk the Earth.

00:02:20,662 --> 00:02:22,098

We don't know how soon

it will walk the Earth,

00:02:22,229 --> 00:02:24,187

but it could be within

the next six to seven weeks.

00:02:24,231 --> 00:02:26,581

KIDS: Six-seven!

00:02:27,930 --> 00:02:29,758

- Uh, kay.

00:02:29,845 --> 00:02:31,673

Uh, you see,

Satan was a fallen angel

00:02:31,803 --> 00:02:33,283

and God punished him,

00:02:33,414 --> 00:02:35,851

and to make sure that Satan

could never have offspring,

00:02:35,981 --> 00:02:38,897

the Lord God did shrink

Satan's asshole

00:02:39,028 --> 00:02:41,987

to the size

of a tiny, little pinhole

00:02:42,074 --> 00:02:45,643

so nothing could ever penetrate

and ejaculate inside of it.

00:02:45,774 --> 00:02:48,342

So Satan could never

have a butt baby until

00:02:48,429 --> 00:02:50,648

along came Mr. Donald Trunp,

00:02:50,779 --> 00:02:53,825

whose penis is so teeny,

teeny tiny

00:02:53,869 --> 00:02:56,654

it could actually fit

in Satan's asshole.

00:02:56,785 --> 00:02:58,526

How small is

Donald Trump's penis?

00:02:58,656 --> 00:03:01,224

Somewhere between six and seven

centimeters.

00:03:01,355 --> 00:03:04,706

KIDS: Six-seven!

00:03:04,836 --> 00:03:06,925

- Hey, look, this is very

important, people.

00:03:07,056 --> 00:03:08,666

OK, the Antichrist is coming.

00:03:08,753 --> 00:03:12,322

The Bible refers to the eagle,

which refers to America,

00:03:12,366 --> 00:03:14,281

the fourth seal broken,

and hell coming to Earth.

00:03:14,324 --> 00:03:18,285

It's right here

in Revelations 6...

00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:19,764

six-seven.

00:03:19,808 --> 00:03:22,289

KIDS: Six-seven!

00:03:22,419 --> 00:03:24,552

- [laughing]

00:03:24,595 --> 00:03:27,337

- Good, and breathe in

through your nose. [inhales]

00:03:27,381 --> 00:03:28,947

[exhales]

And out through your mouth.

00:03:29,034 --> 00:03:30,732

In--two, three four.

00:03:30,862 --> 00:03:32,734

And exhale--two, three, four.

00:03:32,864 --> 00:03:34,431

Good.

Let your shoulders soften.

00:03:34,475 --> 00:03:36,259

Let your jaw relax.

00:03:36,346 --> 00:03:38,870

Now gentle pressure on the hips

as your partner exhales.

00:03:39,001 --> 00:03:40,002

Good.

00:03:40,045 --> 00:03:42,526

- This is so boring!

00:03:42,657 --> 00:03:44,702

- How about you shut up

and do your job?

00:03:44,833 --> 00:03:46,704

- Ah, come on, Satan!

00:03:46,748 --> 00:03:48,097

How about we just go home

and fuck?

00:03:48,140 --> 00:03:49,968

We haven't had sex in forever.

00:03:50,099 --> 00:03:52,275

- That's because it's bad

for the baby.

00:03:52,362 --> 00:03:54,495

- Yeah, but fuck the baby.

This is stupid!

00:03:54,625 --> 00:03:56,279

- Did you just say

"fuck the baby"?

00:03:56,410 --> 00:03:58,716

- Hey, relax, guy.

00:03:58,847 --> 00:04:00,675

I didn't mean like

really fuck the baby!

00:04:00,718 --> 00:04:02,416

- No, you know what?

You can just go home.

00:04:02,503 --> 00:04:03,765

I'll finish this myself.

00:04:03,895 --> 00:04:05,723

You can go home

and jack off if you want.

00:04:05,854 --> 00:04:07,899

INSTRUCTOR: [exhales]

Perfect.

00:04:15,298 --> 00:04:18,432

[belt clinking, zipper opens]

00:04:26,744 --> 00:04:27,876

[door opens]

00:04:27,919 --> 00:04:29,007

- Hello, boss!

00:04:29,094 --> 00:04:30,661

- Ah! Shit!

00:04:30,748 --> 00:04:31,967

- Good news, boss,

00:04:32,010 --> 00:04:34,752

we just shut down

another abortion clinic.

00:04:34,796 --> 00:04:36,711

- Oh, yeah, great.

That's great.

00:04:36,754 --> 00:04:37,973

- Yes, boss.

00:04:38,103 --> 00:04:40,671

You've made all the Christians

so happy.

00:04:40,758 --> 00:04:44,371

Of course, there is still

one more clinic

00:04:44,414 --> 00:04:46,329

that will still perform

abortions

00:04:46,460 --> 00:04:48,244

right here in town.

00:04:48,331 --> 00:04:49,289

[dramatic musical sting]

00:04:49,332 --> 00:04:50,942

- There is?

- Oh, yes.

00:04:50,986 --> 00:04:53,162

How unfortunate

that some babies

00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:56,121

will not be able to be born.

00:04:56,208 --> 00:04:59,473

As Christians, we can't allow

this to continue.

00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,779

Perhaps you should go speak

00:05:01,910 --> 00:05:04,521

with this abortion doctor

personally.

00:05:04,565 --> 00:05:07,132

- Yeah. Yeah!

00:05:09,787 --> 00:05:11,311

[knock on door]

- Come on.

00:05:13,791 --> 00:05:15,402

- PC Principal,

do you have a minute?

00:05:15,532 --> 00:05:16,925

- Sure, Jesus.

What do you need?

00:05:17,012 --> 00:05:19,797

- I'm starting to wonder

if I really fit in here.

00:05:19,928 --> 00:05:21,451

- Course you fit in.

00:05:21,582 --> 00:05:23,453

This school's been a cesspool

of heathen left-wing

00:05:23,584 --> 00:05:26,543

little bitches, and only our

faith is gonna set them right.

00:05:26,587 --> 00:05:28,980

- Could I ask exactly

00:05:29,024 --> 00:05:32,027

what branch of Christianity

are you?

00:05:32,157 --> 00:05:33,245

- The kind that

loves his country

00:05:33,376 --> 00:05:35,247

and doesn't tolerate

any fucking fags.

00:05:35,378 --> 00:05:38,642

- Yeah, see, I-I really think

I don't belong here.

00:05:38,686 --> 00:05:40,557

- Look, I understand

it's a tough transition.

00:05:40,601 --> 00:05:42,211

You know,

the vice principal here

00:05:42,254 --> 00:05:44,387

had the same conflict as you,

but she's really come around.

00:05:44,474 --> 00:05:46,389

- The vice principal?

Your wife?

00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:47,782

- That's right.

00:05:47,825 --> 00:05:49,697

Can you send in Strong

Christian Woman, please?

00:05:49,740 --> 00:05:52,090

She was saying this wasn't

the place for her anymore,

00:05:52,221 --> 00:05:54,354

but just this last weekend,

she converted to Christianity.

00:05:54,397 --> 00:05:56,225

[knocks]

00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:57,922

- You wanted to see me?

00:05:58,053 --> 00:05:59,620

- Yeah, Strong Christian Woman,

I was just telling Jesus

00:05:59,663 --> 00:06:00,664

here about our faith.

00:06:00,795 --> 00:06:03,624

- Oh, yes, it's been

such a blessing.

00:06:03,711 --> 00:06:05,974

- She converted on Saturday.

What do you think, huh?

00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:07,976

You ever seen a more Christian

chick in your fucking life?

00:06:08,106 --> 00:06:09,543

- Never.

00:06:09,673 --> 00:06:11,109

- Look,

I know it's a hard adjustment,

00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:12,459

but just stick with it,

00:06:12,502 --> 00:06:14,591

and you're gonna fit in here

just fine, Jesus.

00:06:17,768 --> 00:06:20,554

- [soft muttering]

00:06:24,209 --> 00:06:26,777

[snickers]

00:06:26,864 --> 00:06:29,519

[giggles]

00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:31,347

- Everything go good at school

today, honey?

00:06:31,478 --> 00:06:33,784

- [stifling laughter]

Yep, yep. School was good.

00:06:33,871 --> 00:06:37,222

School was pretty good.

[snickering]

00:06:37,309 --> 00:06:38,702

- Is everything OK, honey?

00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:39,834

- Yeah. Everything's fine.

00:06:39,877 --> 00:06:41,270

It's fine.

00:06:41,313 --> 00:06:43,490

Mom? Uh, could I--

could I ask you something?

00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:44,578

- Sure, Eric.

00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:46,014

- Do you know, um--

00:06:46,101 --> 00:06:47,581

do you know on average,

00:06:47,711 --> 00:06:49,931

um, at what age kids

lose their baby teeth?

00:06:50,061 --> 00:06:51,585

- Oh, I'm not sure, Eric.

00:06:51,715 --> 00:06:53,804

I guess usually around

six, seven?

00:06:53,891 --> 00:06:57,852

- [laughing]

00:06:57,982 --> 00:06:59,027

OK.

00:06:59,114 --> 00:07:00,245

- Eric, what?

00:07:00,332 --> 00:07:01,508

- No, nothing. Nothing.

I'm sorry.

00:07:01,638 --> 00:07:02,944

[clears throat]

I'm sorry.

00:07:03,074 --> 00:07:05,381

I was just, uh--

I was just, um--

00:07:05,512 --> 00:07:07,905

I was just thinking about

your menstrual cycle.

00:07:08,036 --> 00:07:09,690

- My menstrual cycle?

00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:11,561

- Yeah, I was just wondering

00:07:11,692 --> 00:07:14,303

when you actual menstruate,

Mom.

00:07:14,346 --> 00:07:17,349

Like, roughly, how many days

does that last?

00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:18,655

- Well, Eric,

it's usually around

00:07:18,699 --> 00:07:20,048

six to seven days

that a woman--

00:07:20,091 --> 00:07:25,096

- [laughing]

00:07:25,227 --> 00:07:27,272

Oh. Oh. [choking]

00:07:27,403 --> 00:07:29,753

[laughing, choking]

00:07:29,884 --> 00:07:32,452

[retching]

00:07:32,495 --> 00:07:36,934

[retching continues]

00:07:36,978 --> 00:07:39,110

- Eric? Sweetie?

00:07:39,241 --> 00:07:42,287

- [coughs, pants]

00:07:42,374 --> 00:07:45,203

- Eric, what is going on?

This keeps happening.

00:07:45,334 --> 00:07:48,206

- Mom, Mom,

you gotta tell me something.

00:07:48,293 --> 00:07:49,556

- Of course, honey.

00:07:49,599 --> 00:07:51,732

- Roughly how many nights--

[gags]

00:07:51,775 --> 00:07:53,081

have I been throwing up

at dinner?

00:07:53,168 --> 00:07:54,778

- I-I don't know, Eric.

00:07:54,822 --> 00:07:56,127

It's probably been

six or seven nights--

00:07:56,258 --> 00:07:58,086

- [laughing]

00:07:58,216 --> 00:08:01,611

[vomiting]

00:08:07,965 --> 00:08:09,010

[knock on door]

00:08:09,140 --> 00:08:10,620

- Hey, Jesus,

get your stuff, man.

00:08:10,664 --> 00:08:12,404

We're going out for drinks.

- What?

00:08:12,448 --> 00:08:13,536

- Look,

I know it's been hard for you

00:08:13,623 --> 00:08:14,929

trying to adjust here

and everything,

00:08:14,972 --> 00:08:16,234

so the wife and I were talking

00:08:16,365 --> 00:08:17,497

and we found

a nice Christian lady

00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:18,541

we're gonna set you up with.

00:08:18,672 --> 00:08:21,631

- Oh, I don't think so.

Thanks, but--

00:08:21,675 --> 00:08:23,328

- Oh, come on, man.

She's a really great woman,

00:08:23,415 --> 00:08:25,374

and she just converted

to Christianity.

00:08:25,417 --> 00:08:29,683

My wife met her at the same

place that she became Christian.

00:08:29,813 --> 00:08:31,467

WOMAN: So then I was like,

"You know what?

00:08:31,598 --> 00:08:33,382

I need a new direction

in my life.

00:08:33,425 --> 00:08:35,906

It's like I just got so sick of

everyone being such a pussy

00:08:35,993 --> 00:08:37,952

all the time,

and all this woke garbage

00:08:37,995 --> 00:08:39,693

and women trying to be men.

00:08:39,823 --> 00:08:41,564

So I just started reading

the Bible, you know?

00:08:41,651 --> 00:08:43,174

I mean, I didn't actually

read the Bible,

00:08:43,218 --> 00:08:44,872

but I listened to

a lot of podcasts.

00:08:44,915 --> 00:08:46,569

And once I went through

my transition, I was like,

00:08:46,613 --> 00:08:48,136

"This is great,"

00:08:48,223 --> 00:08:51,139

only now, guys are always

checking out my Christianity.

00:08:51,226 --> 00:08:52,706

- Sorry,

could you all excuse me?

00:08:52,793 --> 00:08:54,272

I need to go to the bathroom.

00:08:54,359 --> 00:08:55,926

- Sure thing, Jesus.

00:08:58,189 --> 00:09:00,496

- He seems nice.

00:09:07,808 --> 00:09:09,287

- [sighs]

00:09:15,380 --> 00:09:18,166

[light music playing]

00:09:18,296 --> 00:09:25,042

♪ ♪

00:09:25,086 --> 00:09:28,045

- Miss Davidson?

00:09:28,176 --> 00:09:32,615

Miss Coco Slutty Davidson?

00:09:32,746 --> 00:09:34,182

- Oh, yeah, that's me!

00:09:34,269 --> 00:09:36,097

I'm Coco Slutty Davidson.

00:09:36,227 --> 00:09:37,402

I'm just here

to get an abortion.

00:09:37,533 --> 00:09:38,882

[chuckles]

00:09:41,537 --> 00:09:44,322

- The doctor's right in here...

ma'am.

00:09:44,409 --> 00:09:46,760

- Hey, doc!

00:09:52,243 --> 00:09:53,680

All right, listen,

00:09:53,723 --> 00:09:55,638

I need you to perform an

abortion, but it's not for me.

00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:57,074

It's for my partner.

00:09:57,118 --> 00:09:58,293

And you can't tell anyone,

00:09:58,423 --> 00:10:00,295

not even my partner.

00:10:00,425 --> 00:10:01,905

- How am I supposed to do that?

00:10:02,036 --> 00:10:03,298

- Well, you're gonna come

with me, see,

00:10:03,428 --> 00:10:04,952

and we're gonna sneak

into my house,

00:10:04,995 --> 00:10:07,998

and you're gonna suck that thing

out while everyone's asleep.

00:10:08,129 --> 00:10:10,305

- You house wouldn't happen

to be white, would it?

00:10:10,348 --> 00:10:11,567

- Hey! How do you know that?

00:10:11,698 --> 00:10:13,743

- Look, Mr. President,

I've seen the news.

00:10:13,787 --> 00:10:16,354

If you got Satan pregnant,

that's your responsibility.

00:10:16,485 --> 00:10:18,313

- Well, it's your

responsibility now!

00:10:18,356 --> 00:10:20,097

Or else I'll sue you,

how about that?

00:10:20,141 --> 00:10:22,099

- Even if I wanted

to help you, sir,

00:10:22,230 --> 00:10:23,884

I have no idea

how to perform an abortion

00:10:24,014 --> 00:10:25,581

on the offspring of Satan.

00:10:25,712 --> 00:10:28,845

To do that, you'd need some kind

of expert on the Antichrist.

00:10:28,889 --> 00:10:31,805

[upbeat music]

00:10:31,935 --> 00:10:34,677

SINGERS: ♪ Peter Thiel knows

about the Antichrist ♪

00:10:34,764 --> 00:10:37,941

♪ Peter Thiel knows

about the Antichrist ♪

00:10:37,985 --> 00:10:42,859

- ♪ I'm Peter Thiel and I know

about the Antichrist ♪

00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:45,296

♪

00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:46,689

All right, listen,

00:10:46,776 --> 00:10:48,778

you people have a very serious

problem here.

00:10:48,822 --> 00:10:51,128

Your students appear to be in

some kind of cult

00:10:51,172 --> 00:10:52,869

involving the numbers six

and seven.

00:10:52,913 --> 00:10:54,697

- All right,

so what should we do?

00:10:54,784 --> 00:10:57,569

- I'm going to need access to

all your school's private data--

00:10:57,700 --> 00:10:59,833

school records, health records,

and of course,

00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:01,356

all security cameras.

00:11:01,399 --> 00:11:03,924

- Oh, no, look,

I don't think we need it--

00:11:04,054 --> 00:11:06,056

- Is this really

what we've come to?

00:11:06,143 --> 00:11:08,189

Freely handing people's

personal data over

00:11:08,232 --> 00:11:10,539

to some tech billionaire

preaching shit about the Bible?

00:11:12,846 --> 00:11:15,500

- You got a problem with Jesus, bro?

00:11:15,587 --> 00:11:18,590

- Come on, man, you became a

Christian like three months ago.

00:11:18,634 --> 00:11:20,331

- Yeah,

I've got fucking faith, dude!

00:11:20,375 --> 00:11:21,942

What do you have,

you little bitch?

00:11:21,985 --> 00:11:23,160

You wanna throw down, bro?

00:11:23,204 --> 00:11:24,814

- OK, hey, hey, hey--

00:11:24,858 --> 00:11:25,946

- You wanna see what it feels

like to talk shit

00:11:25,989 --> 00:11:27,251

about Christians, dude?

00:11:27,295 --> 00:11:28,818

[grunting]

00:11:28,862 --> 00:11:30,167

- I'll kick your heathen ass,

bro!

00:11:30,211 --> 00:11:36,565

[mechanical droning]

00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:39,002

[loud whirring]

00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:43,398

[thrumming]

00:11:43,441 --> 00:11:45,226

- All right, just try

to be still, Eric.

00:11:45,356 --> 00:11:47,184

- Doctor,

could I ask a question?

00:11:47,315 --> 00:11:48,577

- Of course.

00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:50,535

- About how long--

[stifled laughter]

00:11:50,622 --> 00:11:52,102

do you need me to be still?

00:11:52,189 --> 00:11:53,974

- Just about ten seconds, Eric.

00:11:54,017 --> 00:11:54,931

- OK.

00:11:57,499 --> 00:11:58,805

So how long now?

00:11:58,848 --> 00:12:00,328

- Just another six, seven

seconds, Eric--

00:12:00,371 --> 00:12:02,330

- [laughter]

00:12:02,460 --> 00:12:05,681

[vomiting]

00:12:07,335 --> 00:12:09,206

[steady beeping]

00:12:09,293 --> 00:12:11,034

- I'm sorry, Mrs. Cartman,

but we can't pinpoint

00:12:11,165 --> 00:12:12,688

the source of his illness.

00:12:12,775 --> 00:12:14,603

- [snorting]

00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:17,214

- If he continues to vomit

this much daily,

00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:19,260

I'm afraid it could be

life threatening.

00:12:19,390 --> 00:12:21,044

- But, doctor,

00:12:21,088 --> 00:12:23,873

if I'm not able

to keep any food down,

00:12:23,917 --> 00:12:26,876

roughly how long would it take--

[stifled laughter]

00:12:27,007 --> 00:12:29,792

roughly how long would it take

for the human body to die?

00:12:29,879 --> 00:12:32,012

- Eric, I'm gonna be very honest

with you.

00:12:32,142 --> 00:12:33,840

Without sufficient nutrients,

00:12:33,883 --> 00:12:35,755

the body shuts down

after six to seven weeks.

00:12:35,798 --> 00:12:39,367

- [laughing]

00:12:39,454 --> 00:12:41,369

[vomit splatting]

00:12:41,456 --> 00:12:44,459

[keyboard clacking]

00:12:44,502 --> 00:12:46,678

- Excuse me, that's my computer.

00:12:46,722 --> 00:12:49,203

- Yes. And your computer

has all the personal data

00:12:49,246 --> 00:12:51,031

of the students here.

- It's OK, Jesus,

00:12:51,161 --> 00:12:52,510

Peter Thiel knows

what he's doing.

00:12:52,641 --> 00:12:54,512

- I've downloaded all

the students' information

00:12:54,643 --> 00:12:57,254

and loaded them into an

AI face detection program

00:12:57,341 --> 00:12:59,648

so the school's security cameras

can watch their every move.

00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,519

Now look.

00:13:01,650 --> 00:13:03,521

Two students passing each other

in the hallway.

00:13:03,652 --> 00:13:06,611

They give each other the sign--

six, seven.

00:13:06,655 --> 00:13:08,918

Exactly 67 seconds later,

00:13:09,049 --> 00:13:12,182

this odd parka-wearing child

makes the same gesture.

00:13:12,269 --> 00:13:14,706

And then

inside the girls bathroom,

00:13:14,750 --> 00:13:17,100

two girls doing the same thing.

00:13:17,144 --> 00:13:20,538

- Wait, why is there a camera

inside the girls bathroom?

00:13:20,669 --> 00:13:23,063

- To stop the Antichrist.

00:13:23,150 --> 00:13:25,195

Now I'm following the lead

on this girl here.

00:13:25,282 --> 00:13:28,503

She went home

to 67 Mala Vista Drive.

00:13:28,546 --> 00:13:30,331

Going through her family's

medical records,

00:13:30,461 --> 00:13:33,073

I found that her father has

testicular cancer

00:13:33,116 --> 00:13:36,990

and 67 days ago,

had one testicle removed.

00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,514

- That really feels like

none of our business.

00:13:39,644 --> 00:13:41,168

- I don't know how

I'm supposed to work

00:13:41,211 --> 00:13:43,518

with Nosy Nancy peering over

my shoulder all the time.

00:13:43,648 --> 00:13:45,085

- Jesus, let's you and me

have a quick chin wiggle

00:13:45,215 --> 00:13:46,390

out in the hall.

00:13:49,263 --> 00:13:50,177

[door shuts]

00:13:53,658 --> 00:13:54,616

[sinister music]

00:13:54,659 --> 00:13:56,313

- I'm getting close.

00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:59,360

I almost have the key

to stop it from happening.

00:13:59,490 --> 00:14:01,144

♪ ♪

00:14:01,188 --> 00:14:03,538

- We are running out of time,

Mr. Thiel.

00:14:03,581 --> 00:14:05,975

The Antichrist is coming.

00:14:06,019 --> 00:14:10,284

Satan is shopping for

baby strollers as we speak.

00:14:10,327 --> 00:14:13,200

- If I'm going to learn

what these numbers mean,

00:14:13,330 --> 00:14:16,333

I'm going to need access to

every government database.

00:14:16,464 --> 00:14:18,814

- You will have it, Mr. Thiel.

00:14:18,945 --> 00:14:21,512

Nothing is more important

than making sure

00:14:21,556 --> 00:14:24,907

this baby is not born.

00:14:24,951 --> 00:14:27,127

♪

00:14:27,170 --> 00:14:30,826

[soft sentimental music]

00:14:30,957 --> 00:14:33,481

- Look, man, I know it's tough,

00:14:33,568 --> 00:14:35,526

but you gotta understand

that drastic times

00:14:35,570 --> 00:14:38,007

call for drastic measures.

00:14:38,051 --> 00:14:41,706

- I just don't feel good about

treating people this way.

00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:44,492

I think the most important thing

still has to be loving

00:14:44,579 --> 00:14:46,146

and respecting each other.

00:14:46,189 --> 00:14:48,583

♪

00:14:48,626 --> 00:14:50,150

- All right, man,

I need to ask you something

00:14:50,193 --> 00:14:52,282

and I need you

to tell me the truth.

00:14:52,369 --> 00:14:54,415

Are you a fag?

00:14:54,545 --> 00:14:56,069

- No. That has nothing to do

with it. It just--

00:14:56,156 --> 00:14:57,766

- Are you fucking sure?

00:14:57,809 --> 00:15:00,464

- I'm just trying to say that

I'm really confused right now.

00:15:00,508 --> 00:15:02,162

- OK, but confused like you

don't know if you're attracted

00:15:02,205 --> 00:15:03,815

to dudes, or like what?

00:15:03,859 --> 00:15:07,994

- Like how we can just change

everything about who we are.

00:15:08,037 --> 00:15:09,560

- I think you still

just don't understand

00:15:09,604 --> 00:15:12,172

what Christians today

are about.

00:15:12,259 --> 00:15:17,090

Come on. There's someone I think

you should talk to.

00:15:17,177 --> 00:15:18,613

WOMAN:

Oh, yes, the Antichrist!

00:15:18,743 --> 00:15:21,442

I've listened to a lot

of podcasts about that.

00:15:21,485 --> 00:15:23,835

Everyone keeps saying

how the Antichrist is coming,

00:15:23,879 --> 00:15:25,402

but I'm like "He already did!

00:15:25,446 --> 00:15:28,057

I was married to him in 2018!"

00:15:28,101 --> 00:15:30,016

But seriously, if he saw

how Christian I was now,

00:15:30,146 --> 00:15:31,931

he'd probably shit his pants.

00:15:31,974 --> 00:15:33,671

[snorts]

Don't be jealous.

00:15:33,758 --> 00:15:35,456

He's so funny.

00:15:39,329 --> 00:15:42,202

[militaristic music]

00:15:42,245 --> 00:15:46,946

♪

00:15:46,989 --> 00:15:48,817

- Hey.

00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:50,950

Hey, Satan.

00:16:01,873 --> 00:16:03,919

- Hello, boss.

- Ah! Fuck! Shit!

00:16:04,006 --> 00:16:05,660

- Oh, sorry, boss.

00:16:05,703 --> 00:16:07,836

I did not know

Satan was sleeping.

00:16:07,879 --> 00:16:09,794

- Yeah, that's all he ever does

anymore.

00:16:09,838 --> 00:16:11,535

- Poor boss.

00:16:11,666 --> 00:16:14,147

If you're going to jack off,

shall I fetch your cum rag?

00:16:14,234 --> 00:16:15,931

- Hey! I wasn't jacking off!

00:16:16,018 --> 00:16:16,976

- Sure thing, boss.

00:16:17,019 --> 00:16:18,803

I'll go get your cum rag.

00:16:20,457 --> 00:16:22,720

[sinister music]

00:16:22,851 --> 00:16:24,853

[buttons dialing]

00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,682

What is taking you so long?

00:16:27,725 --> 00:16:29,684

- I'm very close to finding

the secret of the numbers.

00:16:29,727 --> 00:16:31,642

I've narrowed it down

to one little boy

00:16:31,686 --> 00:16:33,470

who seems more possessed

than the others.

00:16:33,514 --> 00:16:34,950

- Then deal with him,

00:16:35,037 --> 00:16:37,083

and keep it quiet.

00:16:37,126 --> 00:16:39,694

Nobody can know

that we are working together.

00:16:39,824 --> 00:16:41,522

When I become president,

00:16:41,565 --> 00:16:45,265

I will give you full access

to everyone's data.

00:16:45,395 --> 00:16:47,528

- I've already spoken

with the mother,

00:16:47,658 --> 00:16:51,053

and I'm on my way now

to face the child.

00:16:51,184 --> 00:16:54,056

[eerie piano music]

00:16:54,100 --> 00:17:00,019

♪

00:17:02,325 --> 00:17:05,546

SINGERS: ♪ Peter Thiel knows

about the Antichrist ♪

00:17:05,589 --> 00:17:08,592

♪ Peter Thiel knows

about the Antichrist ♪

00:17:08,636 --> 00:17:13,945

- ♪ I'm Peter Thiel and I know

about the Antichrist ♪

00:17:13,989 --> 00:17:15,817

SINGERS: ♪ Let's deal with

the Antichrist today ♪

00:17:15,860 --> 00:17:17,558

- ♪ Today

00:17:17,688 --> 00:17:19,299

Is your son home?

00:17:19,342 --> 00:17:21,518

- Yes, Mr. Thiel.

00:17:21,562 --> 00:17:25,000

He's right upstairs.

00:17:25,087 --> 00:17:27,785

- [muttering, chuckling]

00:17:33,574 --> 00:17:37,752

[coughing, sniffing]

00:17:37,882 --> 00:17:42,104

[stifling laughter]

00:17:42,148 --> 00:17:45,368

- Eric, I'm Peter Thiel.

00:17:45,499 --> 00:17:47,718

I'm here to help our country.

00:17:47,849 --> 00:17:49,329

- Uh, OK.

00:17:49,372 --> 00:17:52,462

- I came to see you...

00:17:52,549 --> 00:17:55,161

in an Uber, Eric.

00:17:55,291 --> 00:17:58,816

- [stifling laughter]

00:17:58,947 --> 00:18:01,906

- Would you like to know how

long it took me to get here?

00:18:03,517 --> 00:18:05,301

- How long?

00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:07,390

- It took...

00:18:07,434 --> 00:18:08,870

around six or seven minutes.

I'm not really--

00:18:08,913 --> 00:18:10,915

- [vomiting]

00:18:11,046 --> 00:18:13,135

[laughing]

00:18:13,266 --> 00:18:15,137

No way! No way!

00:18:15,181 --> 00:18:17,618

[laughing]

00:18:17,661 --> 00:18:20,273

- You know, they're all just

a bunch of libtards anyways.

00:18:20,403 --> 00:18:22,536

I know what's up.

I listen to podcasts.

00:18:22,579 --> 00:18:24,538

You wanna know who I think

the Antichrist is?

00:18:24,581 --> 00:18:26,061

Greta Thunberg.

00:18:26,192 --> 00:18:28,237

With her stupid haircut

and her dumb bangs.

00:18:28,368 --> 00:18:30,544

Someone should yank out

whatever's up her ass.

00:18:30,674 --> 00:18:32,372

[snorts]

00:18:32,502 --> 00:18:33,547

- I can't.

00:18:33,590 --> 00:18:35,679

I just can't!

00:18:42,512 --> 00:18:44,166

- Everything all right, bud?

00:18:44,253 --> 00:18:45,646

- No, everything's

not all right!

00:18:45,776 --> 00:18:47,604

I don't know what

I'm doing here!

00:18:47,735 --> 00:18:50,259

- You're trying to get with

the program, bro!

00:18:50,303 --> 00:18:52,131

Peggy Rockbottom is

a hot Christian girl,

00:18:52,174 --> 00:18:54,045

now stop acting gay!

00:18:54,176 --> 00:18:56,613

- Look, I don't know what

you think Christianity is,

00:18:56,657 --> 00:18:59,181

but it has nothing to do

with that.

00:18:59,225 --> 00:19:00,704

- What are you saying?

00:19:00,748 --> 00:19:02,837

- I'm saying that you

and a lot of other people

00:19:02,967 --> 00:19:05,796

seem to have a very warped sense

of what Christianity is.

00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:07,450

- Are you questioning my faith?

00:19:07,581 --> 00:19:09,365

You wanna fucking go?

00:19:09,409 --> 00:19:11,672

- No, I don't want

to fucking go.

00:19:11,715 --> 00:19:14,153

- You got a problem, bro?

- No, I don't have a problem.

00:19:14,196 --> 00:19:16,024

You actually have a problem.

00:19:16,067 --> 00:19:17,547

You need a way to bully people

00:19:17,634 --> 00:19:19,201

and you're using the Bible

to do it.

00:19:19,245 --> 00:19:21,247

[grunts]

00:19:21,290 --> 00:19:24,511

PC PRINCIPAL: You like that?

Yeah! You want some more?

00:19:27,383 --> 00:19:29,298

- I'm not gonna fight you!

00:19:29,342 --> 00:19:31,779

- Damn right you won't, 'cause

you're a gay little pussy!

00:19:33,781 --> 00:19:35,304

Yeah, don't come back!

00:19:35,435 --> 00:19:37,698

You're gonna get some more,

bitch!

00:19:37,828 --> 00:19:39,352

[Cartman coughing]

00:19:39,439 --> 00:19:41,354

PETER: Tell me what it means!

00:19:41,441 --> 00:19:44,052

- [laughing, coughing]

00:19:44,095 --> 00:19:45,880

- The Lord labored six days

00:19:45,923 --> 00:19:47,447

and on the seventh, He rested!

00:19:47,577 --> 00:19:50,145

- [laughing]

00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:53,017

- You will tell me

the significance!

00:19:55,106 --> 00:19:57,674

There's nothing more

I can do here.

00:19:57,805 --> 00:20:00,634

I have to take him

to Washington D.C.

00:20:00,677 --> 00:20:04,072

- Washington?

Oh, no, he can't travel now.

00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:05,900

He's very sick.

00:20:05,943 --> 00:20:09,904

- Your son is the key to saving

our country, Ms. Cartman.

00:20:10,034 --> 00:20:12,907

Everything we hold dear

could end.

00:20:12,950 --> 00:20:15,301

We have to unlock the secrets

he holds,

00:20:15,431 --> 00:20:18,695

no matter what it takes.

00:20:18,826 --> 00:20:21,611

["Sister Christian"

by Night Ranger]

00:20:21,698 --> 00:20:25,267

♪ ♪

00:20:25,354 --> 00:20:30,533

- ♪ Sister Christian,

oh, the time has come ♪

00:20:30,664 --> 00:20:34,842

♪ And you know

that you're the only one ♪

00:20:34,929 --> 00:20:38,976

♪ To say "OK" ♪

00:20:39,063 --> 00:20:41,501

♪ ♪

00:20:41,631 --> 00:20:46,767

♪ Where you going?

What you looking for? ♪

00:20:46,810 --> 00:20:51,075

♪ You know those boys don't

wanna play no more ♪

00:20:51,206 --> 00:20:53,513

♪ With you ♪

00:20:53,556 --> 00:20:56,080

♪ It's true

00:20:56,211 --> 00:20:59,345

♪ ♪

00:20:59,475 --> 00:21:02,304

[driving beat]

00:21:02,435 --> 00:21:07,657

♪ ♪

00:21:07,744 --> 00:21:10,443

♪ You're motorin' ♪

00:21:10,530 --> 00:21:15,752

♪ What's your price

for flight? ♪

00:21:15,796 --> 00:21:21,105

♪ In finding Mr. Right

00:21:21,192 --> 00:21:24,718

♪ You'll be all right tonight ♪

00:21:24,761 --> 00:21:28,112

♪

00:21:28,243 --> 00:21:29,766

- Fuck yeah, Jesus!

00:21:29,810 --> 00:21:31,768

- ♪ You're motorin'

00:21:31,812 --> 00:21:36,991

♪ What's your price

for flight? ♪

00:21:37,121 --> 00:21:39,385

♪ In finding Mr. Right? ♪

00:21:39,515 --> 00:21:41,256

- Let's fucking go, bro!

00:21:41,343 --> 00:21:45,739

- Yes, baby! Yes!

00:21:45,782 --> 00:21:48,611

- ♪ Tonight

00:21:52,136 --> 00:21:54,965

[theme music]

00:21:55,096 --> 00:22:01,972

♪ ♪