Искажённое христианство — Картман одержим и может стать ключом к прекращению Антихриста.

Предыдущая серия S27 E05 Конфликт интересов

Следующая серия S28 E02 Женщина в шляпе

Искажённое христианство

Twisted Christian

Сезон: 28Серия: 01

Описание

Картман одержим и может стать ключом к прекращению Антихриста.

Субтитры

00:00:01,090 --> 00:00:03,380 ПЕРСОНАЖИ И СОБЫТИЯ ВЫМЫШЛЕНЫ (НЕ ВСЕ) ГОЛОСА ЗНАМЕНИТОСТЕЙ СЫМИТИРОВАНЫ ПЛОХО
00:00:03,410 --> 00:00:05,420 В ПРОГРАММЕ СОДЕРЖИТСЯ ГРЯЗНАЯ РУГАНЬ НЕ РЕКОМЕНДУЕТСЯ К ПРОСМОТРУ НИКОМУ
00:00:08,790 --> 00:00:10,110 <i>Соберу я свой рюкзак</i>
00:00:10,190 --> 00:00:12,080 <i>и поеду в Саус Парк.</i>
00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:13,900 <i>Дружелюбный здесь народ,</i>
00:00:13,940 --> 00:00:15,600 <i>благочестие цветёт.</i>
00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:17,060 <i>В Саус Парк ты приезжаешь</i>
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,720 <i>и печали забываешь.</i>
00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:20,460 <i>Стоит только выйти в свет,</i>
00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:22,190 <i>все кричат: «Привет, сосед!»</i>
00:00:22,240 --> 00:00:23,640 <i>В Саус Парке не печалься,</i>
00:00:23,730 --> 00:00:25,640 <i>отдыхай и расслабляйся.</i>
00:00:28,670 --> 00:00:29,760 <i>В Саус Парке ждут тебя</i>
00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:32,010 <i>мои верные друзья.</i>
00:00:32,030 --> 00:00:33,030 ЮЖНЫЙ ПАРК
00:00:35,080 --> 00:00:38,700 НАЧАЛЬНАЯ ШКОЛА САУС ПАРКА
00:00:40,130 --> 00:00:44,370 Парни, парни! Хотите знать, во сколько я сегодня встал?
00:00:44,460 --> 00:00:46,610 - Во сколько? - Где-то в шесть и семь!
00:00:46,660 --> 00:00:48,380 Шесть и семь!
00:00:48,890 --> 00:00:52,540 Привет, Энни! Дамы. Вы делали вчера домашку?
00:00:52,930 --> 00:00:56,370 Я пытался, но встрял на примерах шесть и семь!
00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:58,070 Шесть и семь!
00:00:59,330 --> 00:01:00,040 Эрик!
00:01:00,610 --> 00:01:02,940 Знаю, Баттерс. Не надо, слишком смешно.
00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:06,040 Я только что сделал шесть и семь с Меган и Энни!
00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:09,330 Я сам подлетел к Венди и отшестисемил её сзади.
00:01:09,460 --> 00:01:10,040 Круто!
00:01:10,110 --> 00:01:11,740 Скотт, как твой диабет?
00:01:11,940 --> 00:01:12,790 Мой диабет?
00:01:12,950 --> 00:01:14,010 Какой гемоглобин?
00:01:15,770 --> 00:01:17,090 Шесть и семь!
00:01:17,300 --> 00:01:19,700 Шесть и семь!
00:01:20,250 --> 00:01:22,060 Охренеть! Жесть какой угар!
00:01:26,230 --> 00:01:27,600 Всем внимание!
00:01:27,730 --> 00:01:33,540 Я получаю кучу жалоб на срывы уроков из-за какой-то сатанической херни с нумерологией.
00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:40,060 Я хотел вам напомнить,что у нас праведная школа, а я Праведный Крещёный директор, ПК-директор.
00:01:40,130 --> 00:01:44,770 А теперь, прошу вас послушать настоящего авторитета по библейским пророчествам.
00:01:45,060 --> 00:01:49,540 Этот человек реальный эксперт по концу дней и приходу Антихриста.
00:01:49,710 --> 00:01:52,400 Прошу, встречайте, мистер Питер Тиль.
00:01:54,570 --> 00:02:00,520 Питер Тиль всё знает про Антихриста. Питер Тиль всё знает про Антихриста!
00:02:00,580 --> 00:02:06,080 Я Питер Тиль, я всё знаю про Антихриста!
00:02:06,100 --> 00:02:08,680 - Сегодня вы узнаете о нём! - Всё-всё!
00:02:08,770 --> 00:02:12,130 Детки, я Питер Тиль, и я пришёл поговорить про Антихристааа!
00:02:14,900 --> 00:02:17,020 Давайте так, кто такой Антихрист?
00:02:17,060 --> 00:02:20,240 Антихрист — это новая человеческая форма Сатаны. И он придёт.
00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:24,140 Мы не знаем точно когда, но примерно где-то недель через шесть-семь.
00:02:24,300 --> 00:02:26,310 Шесть и семь!
00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:29,320 Ясно...
00:02:30,100 --> 00:02:32,900 В общем, Сатана — падший ангел. Бог его наказал.
00:02:32,930 --> 00:02:35,950 И, чтобы Сатана никогда не произвёл потомство,
00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:41,560 Бог сузил его анальное кольцо до размера крошечной дырочки меньше иголочного ушка.
00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:45,470 Чтобы ничто и никогда не смогло проникнуть и эякулировать в неё.
00:02:45,830 --> 00:02:48,240 И Сатана никак не мог забеременеть.
00:02:48,290 --> 00:02:50,850 Но потом пришёл мистер Дональд Трамп,
00:02:50,860 --> 00:02:56,460 чей пенис настолько крошечный, малипусенький, что он как раз и влез Сатане в жопу.
00:02:56,660 --> 00:02:58,320 Сколько пенис у Дональда Трампа?
00:02:58,450 --> 00:03:01,200 Где-то между шестью и семью сантиметрами.
00:03:01,380 --> 00:03:04,020 Шесть и семь!
00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:08,430 Народ, это всё очень серьёзно. Антихрист вот-вот явится!
00:03:08,630 --> 00:03:11,580 В Библии есть орёл, а это символ Америки.
00:03:11,610 --> 00:03:14,560 Четвёртая печать будет вскрыта, и на земле разверзнется Ад.
00:03:14,610 --> 00:03:16,860 Всё есть здесь, в Откровении шесть...
00:03:18,340 --> 00:03:19,720 Шесть и семь.
00:03:19,830 --> 00:03:22,160 Шесть и семь!
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:26,930 Хорошо, главное дышите через нос.
00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:28,780 И выдыхайте ртом.
00:03:28,850 --> 00:03:30,450 И два, три, четыре.
00:03:30,490 --> 00:03:32,500 Выдох два, три, четыре.
00:03:32,540 --> 00:03:35,640 Хорошо. Не напрягайте плечи. И расслабьте лицо.
00:03:36,190 --> 00:03:40,460 Теперь мягко давите на бёдра партнёра, когда он выдыхает. Да. И вдох.
00:03:40,510 --> 00:03:41,850 Это так скучно!
00:03:42,350 --> 00:03:44,600 Можешь просто молча делать, а?
00:03:45,220 --> 00:03:47,920 Хватит, Сатана! Может домой и потрахаемся?
00:03:48,190 --> 00:03:49,800 Сто лет не было секса!
00:03:49,860 --> 00:03:51,970 Потому что это опасно для малыша.
00:03:52,130 --> 00:03:54,360 Да нахер малыша! Как же это тупо!
00:03:54,550 --> 00:03:56,130 Ты сказал «нахер малыша»?
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,400 Эй, да расслабься, парень!
00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:00,450 Я ничего такого не имел в виду.
00:04:00,580 --> 00:04:03,680 Знаешь, иди домой. Я сам всё тут закончу.
00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:05,850 Иди и дрочи сколько хочешь!
00:04:06,860 --> 00:04:07,860 Замечательно!
00:04:27,950 --> 00:04:28,840 Привет!
00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:30,000 Сука!
00:04:30,740 --> 00:04:34,540 Хорошие новости, босс! Мы только что закрыли ещё одну клинику абортов!
00:04:34,870 --> 00:04:36,530 Отлично, это замечательно.
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:39,860 Да, босс, это очень обрадовало всех христиан!
00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:44,040 Правда, осталась ещё одна клиника.
00:04:44,300 --> 00:04:48,130 Там ещё делают аборты. Прямо в нашем городе.
00:04:48,950 --> 00:04:50,680 - Правда? - О, да!
00:04:50,860 --> 00:04:55,520 Как же грустно, что некоторое дети из-за этого так и не родятся.
00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:59,120 Как христиане мы не можем этого допустить.
00:04:59,450 --> 00:05:04,410 Может, вам нужно сходить и поговорить с этим доктором лично.
00:05:04,950 --> 00:05:06,690 Да. Да!
00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:11,240 Войдите.
00:05:13,650 --> 00:05:15,240 ПК-директор, есть минутка?
00:05:15,570 --> 00:05:16,670 Конечно, Иисус. Что?
00:05:17,190 --> 00:05:19,720 Мне начинает казаться, что мне тут не место.
00:05:20,310 --> 00:05:21,300 Что за ерунда!
00:05:21,370 --> 00:05:25,400 Эта школа была отстойником левых нытиков, и только наша вера спасёт их.
00:05:26,390 --> 00:05:31,880 Могу я спросить, а какую именно конфессию христианства вы исповедуете?
00:05:32,140 --> 00:05:34,960 Ту, которая любит эту страну и не терпит педиков.
00:05:35,260 --> 00:05:38,410 Понимаете, я правда думаю, что я тут лишний.
00:05:38,550 --> 00:05:40,300 Я понимаю, это жёсткий переход.
00:05:40,670 --> 00:05:44,090 У замдиректора тоже были эти сомнения, но она смирилась.
00:05:44,540 --> 00:05:46,320 Замдиректора? Ваша жена?
00:05:46,510 --> 00:05:49,480 Верно. Позови ко мне Сильную христианку.
00:05:49,710 --> 00:05:54,320 Она говорила, что ей тут не место, но в те выходные приняла христианство.
00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:57,560 Вызывали меня?
00:05:57,910 --> 00:06:00,510 Сильная христианка, я беседую с Иисусом.
00:06:00,820 --> 00:06:03,210 О, да, это такое благословение!
00:06:03,330 --> 00:06:04,780 В субботу покрестилась.
00:06:04,810 --> 00:06:07,550 В жизни не видел более христианской кисы, да?
00:06:08,370 --> 00:06:09,290 Да никогда!
00:06:09,450 --> 00:06:14,340 Понимаю, непривычно всё это, но здесь ты точно на своём месте, Иисус.
00:06:29,420 --> 00:06:31,160 В школе всё хорошо, милый?
00:06:32,210 --> 00:06:34,560 Ага, да. Всё круто. В школе всё круто.
00:06:37,150 --> 00:06:40,570 - Всё хорошо, родной? - Да, всё хорошо. Ага.
00:06:40,970 --> 00:06:43,450 Мам, можно я спрошу кое-что?
00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:44,460 Да, Эрик.
00:06:44,770 --> 00:06:45,860 Ты знаешь...
00:06:46,010 --> 00:06:49,820 Знаешь, во сколько лет у детей выпадают молочные зубы?
00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:53,780 Не знаю, Эрик. Но думаю, где-то лет в шесть-семь.
00:06:58,140 --> 00:06:58,850 Класс!
00:06:58,950 --> 00:07:00,000 Эрик,ты чего?
00:07:00,070 --> 00:07:02,360 Ничего, ничего. Прости. Прости.
00:07:02,990 --> 00:07:04,610 И ещё я... Я, ну...
00:07:05,420 --> 00:07:07,160 Думал про твой менструальный цикл.
00:07:08,010 --> 00:07:09,590 Мой менструальный цикл?
00:07:09,740 --> 00:07:10,880 Мне интересно, типа...
00:07:11,460 --> 00:07:13,620 Когда вот у тебя менструация, мам.
00:07:14,210 --> 00:07:16,420 Примерно сколько дней она у тебя?
00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:20,020 Ну, Эрик, в среднем шесть или семь дней...
00:07:37,130 --> 00:07:38,460 Эрик? Родной?
00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:44,980 Эрик, что происходит? Так уже не первый раз.
00:07:45,250 --> 00:07:48,130 Мам, мам! Ответишь мне?
00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:49,300 Конечно, родной.
00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:52,930 Примерно сколько раз я блевал за ужином?
00:07:53,190 --> 00:07:56,040 Не знаю, Эрик. Наверное уже раз шесть или семь...
00:08:01,610 --> 00:08:04,400 ПСИХОЛОГ
00:08:08,970 --> 00:08:11,460 Иисус, собирайся, мы все идём выпить.
00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:12,120 Что?
00:08:12,190 --> 00:08:14,760 Понимаю, тебе пока с нами сложно.
00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:18,580 Так что мы с женой нашли тебе прелестную христианку. Мы вас познакомим.
00:08:19,430 --> 00:08:21,310 Я как-то не хочу. Спасибо, но...
00:08:21,350 --> 00:08:24,960 Хорош тебе, она приличная женщина, только что приняла христианство.
00:08:24,980 --> 00:08:27,820 Жена с ней познакомилась там, где стала христианкой.
00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:33,110 И я такая типа: «Блин, мне нужен новый жизненный ориентир».
00:08:33,150 --> 00:08:36,500 Меня просто уже реально достало, что все вокруг такие нытики.
00:08:36,580 --> 00:08:39,440 Воукизм этот, и то, что бабы хотят быть мужиками.
00:08:39,500 --> 00:08:41,410 И я начала, типа, изучать Библию.
00:08:41,420 --> 00:08:44,680 Я книги, конечно, не читала, но слушала кучу подкастов.
00:08:44,730 --> 00:08:47,570 И я приняла веру и такая: «Вот это кайф!»
00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:50,360 Только парни вечно пялятся на мою веру.
00:08:51,170 --> 00:08:54,170 Вы простите меня, но мне надо в уборную.
00:08:54,530 --> 00:08:55,490 Конечно, Иисус!
00:08:58,270 --> 00:08:59,840 А он вроде прикольный!
00:09:12,020 --> 00:09:15,130 ЦЕНТР ПЛАНИРОВАНИЯ СЕМЬИ
00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:27,660 Мисс ... Дэвидсон?
00:09:28,170 --> 00:09:31,580 Мисс ... Коко «Шлюшка» Дэвидсон?
00:09:32,850 --> 00:09:35,850 Ой, да это ж я! Я Коко «Шлюшка» Дэвидсон!
00:09:35,910 --> 00:09:37,850 Я пришла сделать аборт.
00:09:41,380 --> 00:09:44,100 Доктор вас ожидает, мэм.
00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:45,360 Эй, док!
00:09:52,230 --> 00:09:56,500 Короче, дело такое, нужно сделать аборт. Но не мне, а моему партнёру.
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:59,370 И говорить никому нельзя. Даже ему.
00:10:00,250 --> 00:10:01,540 И как я это сделаю?
00:10:01,820 --> 00:10:06,900 Ты пойдёшь со мной ко мне домой. И ты отсосёшь эту хрень, пока все спят.
00:10:07,970 --> 00:10:10,180 Ваш дом случайно не белого цвета?
00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:11,360 Блин, откуда знаешь?
00:10:11,590 --> 00:10:13,540 Господин Президент, я смотрю новости.
00:10:13,570 --> 00:10:16,180 Сатана от вас забеременел, это ваша ответственность.
00:10:16,310 --> 00:10:19,860 Теперь и твоя тоже! Или я тебя засужу нахрен!
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:25,320 Даже если бы я согласился помочь, я не знаю, как делать аборт Сатане.
00:10:25,580 --> 00:10:28,820 Для этого вам нужен наверное эксперт по Антихристу.
00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:37,640 Питер Тиль всё знает про Антихриста. Питер Тиль всё знает про Антихриста.
00:10:37,670 --> 00:10:42,610 Я Питер Тиль, я всё знаю про Антихриста!
00:10:45,650 --> 00:10:48,500 Слушайте, у вас тут очень серьёзная проблема.
00:10:48,730 --> 00:10:52,660 Ваши ученики в каком-то культе, связанном с цифрами шесть и семь.
00:10:53,090 --> 00:10:54,360 И что нам делать?
00:10:54,550 --> 00:10:57,490 Мне нужен доступ ко всей закрытой информации.
00:10:57,500 --> 00:11:01,090 Альбомам, журналам здоровья, и конечно, записям с камер.
00:11:01,230 --> 00:11:03,760 Нет! Слушайте, я думаю, это лишнее.
00:11:03,860 --> 00:11:05,890 Неужели уже до такого дошло?
00:11:05,980 --> 00:11:10,530 Отдадим личные данные техно-миллиардеру, который проповедует Библию?
00:11:12,700 --> 00:11:14,330 Не уважаешь Иисуса, чувак?
00:11:15,270 --> 00:11:18,290 Брось, ты сам стал христианином три месяца назад.
00:11:18,460 --> 00:11:23,000 И чё, сука, я верую, да! А ты чё, ссыкло? Поборемся?
00:11:23,130 --> 00:11:24,520 Спокойно, давайте без...
00:11:24,540 --> 00:11:27,090 Показать, чё бывает с теми, кто срёт на мою веру?
00:11:28,470 --> 00:11:30,030 Я надеру твой безбожный зад!
00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:44,920 Постарайся не шевелиться, Эрик.
00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:47,120 Доктор, а можно спросить?
00:11:47,310 --> 00:11:48,160 Конечно.
00:11:48,380 --> 00:11:49,530 А сколько
00:11:50,530 --> 00:11:51,920 мне надо лежать?
00:11:51,970 --> 00:11:53,940 Всего десять секунд, Эрик.
00:11:54,020 --> 00:11:54,690 Понял.
00:11:57,500 --> 00:11:58,490 А сейчас сколько?
00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:00,300 Ещё шесть-семь секунд, Эрик...
00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:12,720 Мне жаль, миссис Картман, но мы не видим источник его болезни.
00:12:14,540 --> 00:12:19,420 Если его и дальше будет рвать каждый день, боюсь, это может угрожать жизни.
00:12:19,590 --> 00:12:20,580 Доктор!
00:12:21,150 --> 00:12:23,400 Если я не смогу глотать еду...
00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:25,440 Сколько примерно я смогу...
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:29,560 Через сколько обычно человек умирает?
00:12:29,940 --> 00:12:31,500 Эрик, я буду с тобой честен.
00:12:32,090 --> 00:12:35,680 Без нужных элементов питания тело умирает через шесть-семь недель.
00:12:41,270 --> 00:12:43,340 ПСИХОЛОГ
00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:46,420 Простите, но это мой компьютер.
00:12:46,510 --> 00:12:50,100 Знаю. Именно здесь все личные данные учеников.
00:12:50,190 --> 00:12:52,300 Иисус, Питер Тиль знает, что делает.
00:12:52,430 --> 00:12:56,760 Я скачал данные студентов и загрузил их в ИИ-распознаватель лиц.
00:12:56,770 --> 00:12:59,660 Чтобы школьные камеры фиксировали каждый их шаг.
00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:00,560 Смотрите.
00:13:01,420 --> 00:13:06,410 Два ученика идут по коридору. Они показывают друг другу знак «шесть-семь».
00:13:06,730 --> 00:13:12,100 Ровно 67 секунд спустя странный мальчик в парке показывает этот знак.
00:13:12,300 --> 00:13:16,760 А потом в женском туалете ещё две девочки делают то же самое.
00:13:17,220 --> 00:13:20,360 Так, а почему в женской уборной стоят камеры?
00:13:20,470 --> 00:13:22,520 Чтобы остановить Антихриста.
00:13:22,930 --> 00:13:24,950 А теперь я слежу за этой девочкой.
00:13:25,390 --> 00:13:28,250 Она живет на Mala Vista Drive, 67.
00:13:28,260 --> 00:13:32,880 Судя по семейным медицинским записям, у её отца обнаружили рак яичек.
00:13:32,940 --> 00:13:36,780 Ему удалили одно ровно 67 дней назад.
00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:39,160 А вот это вообще не наше дело.
00:13:39,540 --> 00:13:43,420 И как я должен работать, когда эта любопытная Варвара суёт свой нос?
00:13:43,540 --> 00:13:45,960 Иисус, давай-ка потолкуем в коридоре.
00:13:54,390 --> 00:13:55,770 Я уже близко.
00:13:55,950 --> 00:13:58,650 Я почти нашёл способ это предотвратить.
00:14:00,910 --> 00:14:03,490 У нас очень мало времени, мистер Тиль.
00:14:03,530 --> 00:14:05,640 Антихрист вот-вот явится.
00:14:06,110 --> 00:14:09,580 Сатана прямо сейчас стоит и выбирает детскую коляску.
00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:16,180 Если мы хотим понять, что значат это цифры, мне нужен доступ ко всем государственным базам.
00:14:16,580 --> 00:14:18,570 Он у вас будет, мистер Тиль.
00:14:18,740 --> 00:14:24,530 Сейчас нет ничего более важного, нужно не допустить рождение этого ребёнка.
00:14:30,860 --> 00:14:32,850 Послушай, тяжко, да.
00:14:33,490 --> 00:14:36,860 Но отчаянные времена обычно требуют отчаянных мер.
00:14:37,830 --> 00:14:40,850 Мне не нравится, что мы так обращаемся с людьми.
00:14:41,570 --> 00:14:45,810 Я считаю, что всегда главное — любить и уважать друг друга.
00:14:48,510 --> 00:14:51,500 Ладно, я кое-чего спрошу, но ты скажи честно.
00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:53,570 Ты чё, педик?
00:14:54,340 --> 00:14:55,930 Нет, это вообще не при чём!
00:14:55,970 --> 00:14:57,290 Ты, блин, уверен?
00:14:57,300 --> 00:15:00,130 Я просто пытаюсь сказать, что очень запутался.
00:15:00,180 --> 00:15:03,440 Ага, запутался, это типа у тебя на мужиков встаёт?
00:15:03,610 --> 00:15:06,180 Нет, как возможно изменить то, кем мы являемся?
00:15:07,920 --> 00:15:10,880 Прости, но ты не понял, что сейчас главное в христианстве.
00:15:12,150 --> 00:15:14,880 Идём, я знаю, с кем тебе нужно поговорить.
00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:17,066 РЕСТОРАН «ФАБРИКА ЧИЗКЕЙКОВ»
00:15:17,090 --> 00:15:20,900 Ой, да! Антихрист! Я же кучу подкастов про это слушала!
00:15:21,250 --> 00:15:25,020 Вот все говорят, что Антихрист придёт, а я такая: «Да он уже тут!»
00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:27,530 «Я была за ним замужем в 2018-м!»
00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:31,760 Блин, если бы он увидел, какая я сейчас христианка, то обосрался бы!
00:15:32,210 --> 00:15:35,000 Не ревнуй! Какой он прикольный!
00:15:47,060 --> 00:15:47,560 Эй.
00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:50,500 Эй, Сатана!
00:16:01,850 --> 00:16:02,800 Привет, босс!
00:16:03,140 --> 00:16:03,840 Сука Чёрт!
00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:07,610 Простите, босс. Я не знал, что Сатана спит.
00:16:07,890 --> 00:16:09,700 Он теперь только это и делает!
00:16:10,060 --> 00:16:11,100 Бедный босс.
00:16:11,310 --> 00:16:14,000 Раз вы собирались дрочить, я принесу коврик для кончи.
00:16:14,220 --> 00:16:15,810 Нет! Ничего я не дрочил!
00:16:16,060 --> 00:16:18,490 Понял, босс. Принесу ваш коврик.
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:26,960 Чего ты там копаешься?
00:16:27,530 --> 00:16:33,360 Я уже близок к разгадке. Я сузил круг до мальчика, который одержим больше всех.
00:16:33,410 --> 00:16:36,600 Тогда разберись с ним, главное по-тихому.
00:16:36,860 --> 00:16:39,730 Никто не должен знать, что мы работаем вместе.
00:16:39,870 --> 00:16:44,970 И когда я стану президентом, ты получишь доступ к данным всех американцев.
00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:50,290 Я уже поговорил с матерью, сейчас как раз еду на встречу с ребёнком.
00:17:02,090 --> 00:17:08,360 Питер Тиль всё знает про Антихриста. Питер Тиль всё знает про Антихриста.
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:13,480 Я Питер Тиль, я всё знаю про Антихристааа!
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:17,020 - И мы его сегодня победим! - Победим!
00:17:17,660 --> 00:17:18,900 Ваш сын дома?
00:17:19,340 --> 00:17:20,840 Да, Мистер Тиль.
00:17:21,910 --> 00:17:23,540 Он у себя наверху.
00:17:42,230 --> 00:17:44,260 Эрик, я Питер Тиль.
00:17:45,510 --> 00:17:47,060 Я спасаю нашу страну.
00:17:48,190 --> 00:17:49,050 Ну, ясно.
00:17:49,690 --> 00:17:51,050 Я прибыл к тебе
00:17:52,380 --> 00:17:53,940 на Uber, Эрик.
00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:01,560 Хочешь знать, сколько я сюда добирался?
00:18:03,510 --> 00:18:04,280 Сколько?
00:18:05,730 --> 00:18:08,840 Где-то минут шесть или семь, я точно не...
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,100 Охренеть! Охренеть!
00:18:17,300 --> 00:18:20,080 Да они просто кучка тупых либерастов.
00:18:20,190 --> 00:18:22,300 Я всё знаю, я подкасты слушаю.
00:18:22,380 --> 00:18:25,760 Знаете, кто, как я думаю, реальный Антихрист — Грета Тунберг.
00:18:25,810 --> 00:18:30,480 С этой дибильной стрижкой и чёлкой! Вот у неё в жопе точно что-то застряло!
00:18:32,420 --> 00:18:35,600 Не могу. Я больше не могу!
00:18:42,610 --> 00:18:43,680 Всё ровно, бро?
00:18:44,140 --> 00:18:47,360 Ничего не ровно! Не знаю, зачем я вообще пришёл!
00:18:47,740 --> 00:18:49,960 Ты пытаешься следовать линии партии.
00:18:50,090 --> 00:18:53,540 Пегги Рокботтом — горячая христианка, хорош вести себя как гей!
00:18:53,910 --> 00:18:58,980 Не знаю, что для тебя значит христианство, но оно точно не про это вот всё.
00:18:59,260 --> 00:19:00,120 В смысле?
00:19:00,410 --> 00:19:05,580 Я о том, что у тебя и у многих людей очень искажённое видение христианства.
00:19:05,780 --> 00:19:09,080 Критикуешь мою веру? Нарываешься, сука?
00:19:09,380 --> 00:19:11,330 Нет, вовсе я не нарываюсь.
00:19:11,370 --> 00:19:13,800 - У тебя проблема, бро? - У меня проблем нет.
00:19:13,850 --> 00:19:15,820 Это у тебя есть проблема.
00:19:15,910 --> 00:19:19,160 Ты не можешь не чморить людей и прикрываешься Библей!
00:19:21,450 --> 00:19:24,330 Нравится тебе? Да? Ещё хочешь, да?
00:19:27,230 --> 00:19:28,970 Я не буду с тобой драться.
00:19:29,190 --> 00:19:31,580 Ещё бы, ты ведь мелкое гейское ссыкло!
00:19:33,890 --> 00:19:36,840 И не возвращайся, а то ещё получишь, сучка!
00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:41,240 Объясни, что всё это значит!
00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:47,600 Господь сотворил мир за шесть дней, а на седьмой отдыхал!
00:19:50,310 --> 00:19:52,930 Ты объяснишь мне значение всего?!
00:19:55,010 --> 00:19:59,980 Здесь я ему ничем не помогу. Надо везти его в столицу, Вашингтон.
00:20:00,610 --> 00:20:05,600 Вашингтон? Нет, ему нельзя никуда ехать, он же очень болен!
00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:09,660 Ваш сын — ключ к спасению нашей страны, мисс Картман.
00:20:09,700 --> 00:20:12,280 Всё, что нам дорого, может исчезнуть.
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:16,900 Нам нужно узнать, что он скрывает. Чего бы это ни стоило!
00:21:26,020 --> 00:21:27,706 РЕСТОРАН «ФАБРИКА ЧИЗКЕЙКОВ»
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:29,800 Жги, блин, Иисус!
00:21:39,450 --> 00:21:43,280 - Погнали, нахер, бро! - Да, котик! Кайф!
00:21:45,290 --> 00:21:50,850 Переведено студией HDrezka Studio.

00:00:09,313 --> 00:00:10,488 <i>♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:10,532 --> 00:00:12,447 <i>♪ Gonna have myself a time</i>
00:00:12,490 --> 00:00:13,926 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:14,057 --> 00:00:15,841 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:15,928 --> 00:00:17,060 <i>♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:17,147 --> 00:00:18,931 <i>♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪</i>
00:00:18,975 --> 00:00:20,716 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,846 --> 00:00:22,500 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor" ♪
00:00:22,631 --> 00:00:23,719 <i>♪ I'm headin' on down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:23,849 --> 00:00:25,851 <i>♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪</i>
00:00:29,159 --> 00:00:30,334 <i>♪ Come on down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:30,378 --> 00:00:32,162 <i>♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪</i>
00:00:39,909 --> 00:00:41,954 Hey, fellas! Fellas!
00:00:42,085 --> 00:00:44,566 You wanna know what time I woke up this morning?
00:00:44,696 --> 00:00:46,655 - What time? - Around six-seven!
00:00:46,742 --> 00:00:49,005 all: Six-seven!
00:00:49,092 --> 00:00:50,528 Oh, hey, Annie. Ladies.
00:00:50,659 --> 00:00:52,878 Did you guys do your homework last night?
00:00:52,965 --> 00:00:56,491 I tried to, but I got stuck on problems six and seven!
00:00:56,534 --> 00:00:58,101 all: Six-seven!
00:00:59,450 --> 00:01:00,756 Hey, Eric!
00:01:00,799 --> 00:01:02,366 I know, Butters. I know. Don't do it to me.
00:01:02,410 --> 00:01:04,194 It's too funny. - But I just did a six-seven
00:01:04,325 --> 00:01:06,370 with Annie and Megan at the same time!
00:01:06,414 --> 00:01:07,980 Yeah, five minutes ago I snuck up on Wendy
00:01:08,111 --> 00:01:09,373 and totally six-seven'd her from behind.
00:01:09,504 --> 00:01:10,722 - Wow! - Hey, Scott.
00:01:10,766 --> 00:01:11,984 How's your diabetes, man?
00:01:12,115 --> 00:01:15,597 - My diabetes? - Yeah, what's your A1C at?
00:01:15,684 --> 00:01:17,120 6.7.
00:01:17,251 --> 00:01:19,818 all: Six-seven!
00:01:19,949 --> 00:01:21,124 Oh, my God.
00:01:21,168 --> 00:01:23,561 So fucking funny.
00:01:26,216 --> 00:01:27,957 All right, everyone, listen up.
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:30,786 I've gotten a lot of reports of disruptions in the classroom
00:01:30,916 --> 00:01:33,789 and some satanic numerology shit going on.
00:01:33,919 --> 00:01:36,792 So I want to remind you this is a Power Christian school,
00:01:36,922 --> 00:01:38,315 and I am a Power Christian Principal,
00:01:38,359 --> 00:01:40,012 and we will be PC!
00:01:40,056 --> 00:01:42,058 So now I want you to hear from someone
00:01:42,189 --> 00:01:45,017 who is the highest authority on Biblical prophecies.
00:01:45,148 --> 00:01:47,846 This person is an absolute expert on the end of days
00:01:47,977 --> 00:01:49,718 and the coming of the Antichrist.
00:01:49,805 --> 00:01:52,503 Please welcome Mr. Pete Thiel.
00:01:54,810 --> 00:01:57,813 ♪ Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist ♪
00:01:57,943 --> 00:02:00,859 ♪ Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist ♪
00:02:00,903 --> 00:02:06,082 ♪ I'm Peter Thiel and I know about the Antichrist ♪
00:02:06,213 --> 00:02:07,562 ♪ Let's learn about the Antichrist today ♪
00:02:07,605 --> 00:02:09,259 ♪ Today
00:02:09,303 --> 00:02:10,391 Hello, kids, I'm Peter Thiel, and I'm here to talk to you
00:02:10,434 --> 00:02:12,132 about the Antichrist!
00:02:15,004 --> 00:02:17,267 OK, so first, what is the Antichrist?
00:02:17,311 --> 00:02:19,226 The Antichrist is a newer, more human form of Satan
00:02:19,356 --> 00:02:20,618 that will soon walk the Earth.
00:02:20,662 --> 00:02:22,098 We don't know how soon it will walk the Earth,
00:02:22,229 --> 00:02:24,187 but it could be within the next six to seven weeks.
00:02:24,231 --> 00:02:26,581 Six-seven!
00:02:27,930 --> 00:02:29,758 Uh, kay.
00:02:29,845 --> 00:02:31,673 Uh, you see, Satan was a fallen angel
00:02:31,803 --> 00:02:33,283 and God punished him,
00:02:33,414 --> 00:02:35,851 and to make sure that Satan could never have offspring,
00:02:35,981 --> 00:02:38,897 the Lord God did shrink Satan's asshole
00:02:39,028 --> 00:02:41,987 to the size of a tiny, little pinhole
00:02:42,074 --> 00:02:45,643 so nothing could ever penetrate and ejaculate inside of it.
00:02:45,774 --> 00:02:48,342 So Satan could never have a butt baby until
00:02:48,429 --> 00:02:50,648 along came Mr. Donald Trunp,
00:02:50,779 --> 00:02:53,825 whose penis is so teeny, teeny tiny
00:02:53,869 --> 00:02:56,654 it could actually fit in Satan's asshole.
00:02:56,785 --> 00:02:58,526 How small is Donald Trump's penis?
00:02:58,656 --> 00:03:01,224 Somewhere between six and seven centimeters.
00:03:01,355 --> 00:03:04,706 Six-seven!
00:03:04,836 --> 00:03:06,925 Hey, look, this is very important, people.
00:03:07,056 --> 00:03:08,666 OK, the Antichrist is coming.
00:03:08,753 --> 00:03:12,322 The Bible refers to the eagle, which refers to America,
00:03:12,366 --> 00:03:14,281 the fourth seal broken, and hell coming to Earth.
00:03:14,324 --> 00:03:18,285 It's right here in Revelations 6...
00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:19,764 six-seven.
00:03:19,808 --> 00:03:22,289 Six-seven!
00:03:24,595 --> 00:03:27,337 Good, and breathe in through your nose.
00:03:27,381 --> 00:03:28,947 And out through your mouth.
00:03:29,034 --> 00:03:30,732 In--two, three four.
00:03:30,862 --> 00:03:32,734 And exhale--two, three, four.
00:03:32,864 --> 00:03:34,431 Good. Let your shoulders soften.
00:03:34,475 --> 00:03:36,259 Let your jaw relax.
00:03:36,346 --> 00:03:38,870 Now gentle pressure on the hips as your partner exhales.
00:03:39,001 --> 00:03:40,002 Good.
00:03:40,045 --> 00:03:42,526 This is so boring!
00:03:42,657 --> 00:03:44,702 How about you shut up and do your job?
00:03:44,833 --> 00:03:46,704 Ah, come on, Satan!
00:03:46,748 --> 00:03:48,097 How about we just go home and fuck?
00:03:48,140 --> 00:03:49,968 We haven't had sex in forever.
00:03:50,099 --> 00:03:52,275 That's because it's bad for the baby.
00:03:52,362 --> 00:03:54,495 Yeah, but fuck the baby. This is stupid!
00:03:54,625 --> 00:03:56,279 Did you just say "fuck the baby"?
00:03:56,410 --> 00:03:58,716 Hey, relax, guy.
00:03:58,847 --> 00:04:00,675 I didn't mean like really fuck the baby!
00:04:00,718 --> 00:04:02,416 No, you know what? You can just go home.
00:04:02,503 --> 00:04:03,765 I'll finish this myself.
00:04:03,895 --> 00:04:05,723 You can go home and jack off if you want.
00:04:05,854 --> 00:04:07,899 Perfect.
00:04:27,919 --> 00:04:29,007 Hello, boss!
00:04:29,094 --> 00:04:30,661 Ah! Shit!
00:04:30,748 --> 00:04:31,967 Good news, boss,
00:04:32,010 --> 00:04:34,752 we just shut down another abortion clinic.
00:04:34,796 --> 00:04:36,711 Oh, yeah, great. That's great.
00:04:36,754 --> 00:04:37,973 Yes, boss.
00:04:38,103 --> 00:04:40,671 You've made all the Christians so happy.
00:04:40,758 --> 00:04:44,371 Of course, there is still one more clinic
00:04:44,414 --> 00:04:46,329 that will still perform abortions
00:04:46,460 --> 00:04:48,244 right here in town.
00:04:49,332 --> 00:04:50,942 - There is? - Oh, yes.
00:04:50,986 --> 00:04:53,162 How unfortunate that some babies
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:56,121 will not be able to be born.
00:04:56,208 --> 00:04:59,473 As Christians, we can't allow this to continue.
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,779 Perhaps you should go speak
00:05:01,910 --> 00:05:04,521 with this abortion doctor personally.
00:05:04,565 --> 00:05:07,132 Yeah. Yeah!
00:05:09,787 --> 00:05:11,311 Come on.
00:05:13,791 --> 00:05:15,402 PC Principal, do you have a minute?
00:05:15,532 --> 00:05:16,925 Sure, Jesus. What do you need?
00:05:17,012 --> 00:05:19,797 I'm starting to wonder if I really fit in here.
00:05:19,928 --> 00:05:21,451 Course you fit in.
00:05:21,582 --> 00:05:23,453 This school's been a cesspool of heathen left-wing
00:05:23,584 --> 00:05:26,543 little bitches, and only our faith is gonna set them right.
00:05:26,587 --> 00:05:28,980 Could I ask exactly
00:05:29,024 --> 00:05:32,027 what branch of Christianity are you?
00:05:32,157 --> 00:05:33,245 The kind that loves his country
00:05:33,376 --> 00:05:35,247 and doesn't tolerate any fucking fags.
00:05:35,378 --> 00:05:38,642 Yeah, see, I-I really think I don't belong here.
00:05:38,686 --> 00:05:40,557 Look, I understand it's a tough transition.
00:05:40,601 --> 00:05:42,211 You know, the vice principal here
00:05:42,254 --> 00:05:44,387 had the same conflict as you, but she's really come around.
00:05:44,474 --> 00:05:46,389 The vice principal? Your wife?
00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:47,782 That's right.
00:05:47,825 --> 00:05:49,697 Can you send in Strong Christian Woman, please?
00:05:49,740 --> 00:05:52,090 She was saying this wasn't the place for her anymore,
00:05:52,221 --> 00:05:54,354 but just this last weekend, she converted to Christianity.
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:57,922 You wanted to see me?
00:05:58,053 --> 00:05:59,620 Yeah, Strong Christian Woman, I was just telling Jesus
00:05:59,663 --> 00:06:00,664 here about our faith.
00:06:00,795 --> 00:06:03,624 Oh, yes, it's been such a blessing.
00:06:03,711 --> 00:06:05,974 She converted on Saturday. What do you think, huh?
00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:07,976 You ever seen a more Christian chick in your fucking life?
00:06:08,106 --> 00:06:09,543 Never.
00:06:09,673 --> 00:06:11,109 Look, I know it's a hard adjustment,
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:12,459 but just stick with it,
00:06:12,502 --> 00:06:14,591 and you're gonna fit in here just fine, Jesus.
00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:31,347 Everything go good at school today, honey?
00:06:31,478 --> 00:06:33,784 Yep, yep. School was good.
00:06:33,871 --> 00:06:37,222 School was pretty good.
00:06:37,309 --> 00:06:38,702 Is everything OK, honey?
00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:39,834 Yeah. Everything's fine.
00:06:39,877 --> 00:06:41,270 It's fine.
00:06:41,313 --> 00:06:43,490 Mom? Uh, could I-- could I ask you something?
00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:44,578 Sure, Eric.
00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:46,014 Do you know, um--
00:06:46,101 --> 00:06:47,581 do you know on average,
00:06:47,711 --> 00:06:49,931 um, at what age kids lose their baby teeth?
00:06:50,061 --> 00:06:51,585 Oh, I'm not sure, Eric.
00:06:51,715 --> 00:06:53,804 I guess usually around six, seven?
00:06:57,982 --> 00:06:59,027 OK.
00:06:59,114 --> 00:07:00,245 Eric, what?
00:07:00,332 --> 00:07:01,508 No, nothing. Nothing. I'm sorry.
00:07:01,638 --> 00:07:02,944 I'm sorry.
00:07:03,074 --> 00:07:05,381 I was just, uh-- I was just, um--
00:07:05,512 --> 00:07:07,905 I was just thinking about your menstrual cycle.
00:07:08,036 --> 00:07:09,690 My menstrual cycle?
00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:11,561 Yeah, I was just wondering
00:07:11,692 --> 00:07:14,303 when you actual menstruate, Mom.
00:07:14,346 --> 00:07:17,349 Like, roughly, how many days does that last?
00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:18,655 Well, Eric, it's usually around
00:07:18,699 --> 00:07:20,048 six to seven days that a woman--
00:07:25,227 --> 00:07:27,272 Oh. Oh.
00:07:36,978 --> 00:07:39,110 Eric? Sweetie?
00:07:42,374 --> 00:07:45,203 Eric, what is going on? This keeps happening.
00:07:45,334 --> 00:07:48,206 Mom, Mom, you gotta tell me something.
00:07:48,293 --> 00:07:49,556 Of course, honey.
00:07:49,599 --> 00:07:51,732 Roughly how many nights--
00:07:51,775 --> 00:07:53,081 have I been throwing up at dinner?
00:07:53,168 --> 00:07:54,778 I-I don't know, Eric.
00:07:54,822 --> 00:07:56,127 It's probably been six or seven nights--
00:08:09,140 --> 00:08:10,620 Hey, Jesus, get your stuff, man.
00:08:10,664 --> 00:08:12,404 We're going out for drinks. - What?
00:08:12,448 --> 00:08:13,536 Look, I know it's been hard for you
00:08:13,623 --> 00:08:14,929 trying to adjust here and everything,
00:08:14,972 --> 00:08:16,234 so the wife and I were talking
00:08:16,365 --> 00:08:17,497 and we found a nice Christian lady
00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:18,541 we're gonna set you up with.
00:08:18,672 --> 00:08:21,631 Oh, I don't think so. Thanks, but--
00:08:21,675 --> 00:08:23,328 Oh, come on, man. She's a really great woman,
00:08:23,415 --> 00:08:25,374 and she just converted to Christianity.
00:08:25,417 --> 00:08:29,683 My wife met her at the same place that she became Christian.
00:08:29,813 --> 00:08:31,467 So then I was like, "You know what?
00:08:31,598 --> 00:08:33,382 I need a new direction in my life.
00:08:33,425 --> 00:08:35,906 It's like I just got so sick of everyone being such a pussy
00:08:35,993 --> 00:08:37,952 all the time, and all this woke garbage
00:08:37,995 --> 00:08:39,693 and women trying to be men.
00:08:39,823 --> 00:08:41,564 So I just started reading the Bible, you know?
00:08:41,651 --> 00:08:43,174 I mean, I didn't actually read the Bible,
00:08:43,218 --> 00:08:44,872 but I listened to a lot of podcasts.
00:08:44,915 --> 00:08:46,569 And once I went through my transition, I was like,
00:08:46,613 --> 00:08:48,136 "This is great,"
00:08:48,223 --> 00:08:51,139 only now, guys are always checking out my Christianity.
00:08:51,226 --> 00:08:52,706 Sorry, could you all excuse me?
00:08:52,793 --> 00:08:54,272 I need to go to the bathroom.
00:08:54,359 --> 00:08:55,926 Sure thing, Jesus.
00:08:58,189 --> 00:09:00,496 He seems nice.
00:09:25,086 --> 00:09:28,045 Miss Davidson?
00:09:28,176 --> 00:09:32,615 Miss Coco Slutty Davidson?
00:09:32,746 --> 00:09:34,182 Oh, yeah, that's me!
00:09:34,269 --> 00:09:36,097 I'm Coco Slutty Davidson.
00:09:36,227 --> 00:09:37,402 I'm just here to get an abortion.
00:09:41,537 --> 00:09:44,322 The doctor's right in here... ma'am.
00:09:44,409 --> 00:09:46,760 Hey, doc!
00:09:52,243 --> 00:09:53,680 All right, listen,
00:09:53,723 --> 00:09:55,638 I need you to perform an abortion, but it's not for me.
00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:57,074 It's for my partner.
00:09:57,118 --> 00:09:58,293 And you can't tell anyone,
00:09:58,423 --> 00:10:00,295 not even my partner.
00:10:00,425 --> 00:10:01,905 How am I supposed to do that?
00:10:02,036 --> 00:10:03,298 Well, you're gonna come with me, see,
00:10:03,428 --> 00:10:04,952 and we're gonna sneak into my house,
00:10:04,995 --> 00:10:07,998 and you're gonna suck that thing out while everyone's asleep.
00:10:08,129 --> 00:10:10,305 You house wouldn't happen to be white, would it?
00:10:10,348 --> 00:10:11,567 Hey! How do you know that?
00:10:11,698 --> 00:10:13,743 Look, Mr. President, I've seen the news.
00:10:13,787 --> 00:10:16,354 If you got Satan pregnant, that's your responsibility.
00:10:16,485 --> 00:10:18,313 Well, it's your responsibility now!
00:10:18,356 --> 00:10:20,097 Or else I'll sue you, how about that?
00:10:20,141 --> 00:10:22,099 Even if I wanted to help you, sir,
00:10:22,230 --> 00:10:23,884 I have no idea how to perform an abortion
00:10:24,014 --> 00:10:25,581 on the offspring of Satan.
00:10:25,712 --> 00:10:28,845 To do that, you'd need some kind of expert on the Antichrist.
00:10:31,935 --> 00:10:34,677 <i>♪ Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist ♪</i>
00:10:34,764 --> 00:10:37,941 <i>♪ Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist ♪</i>
00:10:37,985 --> 00:10:42,859 ♪ I'm Peter Thiel and I know about the Antichrist ♪
00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:46,689 All right, listen,
00:10:46,776 --> 00:10:48,778 you people have a very serious problem here.
00:10:48,822 --> 00:10:51,128 Your students appear to be in some kind of cult
00:10:51,172 --> 00:10:52,869 involving the numbers six and seven.
00:10:52,913 --> 00:10:54,697 All right, so what should we do?
00:10:54,784 --> 00:10:57,569 I'm going to need access to all your school's private data--
00:10:57,700 --> 00:10:59,833 school records, health records, and of course,
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:01,356 all security cameras.
00:11:01,399 --> 00:11:03,924 Oh, no, look, I don't think we need it--
00:11:04,054 --> 00:11:06,056 Is this really what we've come to?
00:11:06,143 --> 00:11:08,189 Freely handing people's personal data over
00:11:08,232 --> 00:11:10,539 to some tech billionaire preaching shit about the Bible?
00:11:12,846 --> 00:11:15,500 You got a problem with Jesus, bro?
00:11:15,587 --> 00:11:18,590 Come on, man, you became a Christian like three months ago.
00:11:18,634 --> 00:11:20,331 Yeah, I've got fucking faith, dude!
00:11:20,375 --> 00:11:21,942 What do you have, you little bitch?
00:11:21,985 --> 00:11:23,160 You wanna throw down, bro?
00:11:23,204 --> 00:11:24,814 OK, hey, hey, hey--
00:11:24,858 --> 00:11:25,946 You wanna see what it feels like to talk shit
00:11:25,989 --> 00:11:27,251 about Christians, dude?
00:11:28,862 --> 00:11:30,167 I'll kick your heathen ass, bro!
00:11:43,441 --> 00:11:45,226 All right, just try to be still, Eric.
00:11:45,356 --> 00:11:47,184 Doctor, could I ask a question?
00:11:47,315 --> 00:11:48,577 Of course.
00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:50,535 About how long--
00:11:50,622 --> 00:11:52,102 do you need me to be still?
00:11:52,189 --> 00:11:53,974 Just about ten seconds, Eric.
00:11:54,017 --> 00:11:54,931 OK.
00:11:57,499 --> 00:11:58,805 So how long now?
00:11:58,848 --> 00:12:00,328 Just another six, seven seconds, Eric--
00:12:09,293 --> 00:12:11,034 I'm sorry, Mrs. Cartman, but we can't pinpoint
00:12:11,165 --> 00:12:12,688 the source of his illness.
00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:17,214 If he continues to vomit this much daily,
00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:19,260 I'm afraid it could be life threatening.
00:12:19,390 --> 00:12:21,044 But, doctor,
00:12:21,088 --> 00:12:23,873 if I'm not able to keep any food down,
00:12:23,917 --> 00:12:26,876 roughly how long would it take--
00:12:27,007 --> 00:12:29,792 roughly how long would it take for the human body to die?
00:12:29,879 --> 00:12:32,012 Eric, I'm gonna be very honest with you.
00:12:32,142 --> 00:12:33,840 Without sufficient nutrients,
00:12:33,883 --> 00:12:35,755 the body shuts down after six to seven weeks.
00:12:44,502 --> 00:12:46,678 Excuse me, that's my computer.
00:12:46,722 --> 00:12:49,203 Yes. And your computer has all the personal data
00:12:49,246 --> 00:12:51,031 of the students here. - It's OK, Jesus,
00:12:51,161 --> 00:12:52,510 Peter Thiel knows what he's doing.
00:12:52,641 --> 00:12:54,512 I've downloaded all the students' information
00:12:54,643 --> 00:12:57,254 and loaded them into an AI face detection program
00:12:57,341 --> 00:12:59,648 so the school's security cameras can watch their every move.
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,519 Now look.
00:13:01,650 --> 00:13:03,521 Two students passing each other in the hallway.
00:13:03,652 --> 00:13:06,611 <i>They give each other the sign-- six, seven.</i>
00:13:06,655 --> 00:13:08,918 Exactly 67 seconds later,
00:13:09,049 --> 00:13:12,182 this odd parka-wearing child makes the same gesture.
00:13:12,269 --> 00:13:14,706 And then inside the girls bathroom,
00:13:14,750 --> 00:13:17,100 two girls doing the same thing.
00:13:17,144 --> 00:13:20,538 Wait, why is there a camera inside the girls bathroom?
00:13:20,669 --> 00:13:23,063 To stop the Antichrist.
00:13:23,150 --> 00:13:25,195 Now I'm following the lead on this girl here.
00:13:25,282 --> 00:13:28,503 She went home to 67 Mala Vista Drive.
00:13:28,546 --> 00:13:30,331 Going through her family's medical records,
00:13:30,461 --> 00:13:33,073 I found that her father has testicular cancer
00:13:33,116 --> 00:13:36,990 and 67 days ago, had one testicle removed.
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,514 That really feels like none of our business.
00:13:39,644 --> 00:13:41,168 I don't know how I'm supposed to work
00:13:41,211 --> 00:13:43,518 with Nosy Nancy peering over my shoulder all the time.
00:13:43,648 --> 00:13:45,085 Jesus, let's you and me have a quick chin wiggle
00:13:45,215 --> 00:13:46,390 out in the hall.
00:13:54,659 --> 00:13:56,313 I'm getting close.
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:59,360 I almost have the key to stop it from happening.
00:14:01,188 --> 00:14:03,538 We are running out of time, Mr. Thiel.
00:14:03,581 --> 00:14:05,975 The Antichrist is coming.
00:14:06,019 --> 00:14:10,284 Satan is shopping for baby strollers as we speak.
00:14:10,327 --> 00:14:13,200 If I'm going to learn what these numbers mean,
00:14:13,330 --> 00:14:16,333 I'm going to need access to every government database.
00:14:16,464 --> 00:14:18,814 You will have it, Mr. Thiel.
00:14:18,945 --> 00:14:21,512 Nothing is more important than making sure
00:14:21,556 --> 00:14:24,907 this baby is not born.
00:14:30,957 --> 00:14:33,481 Look, man, I know it's tough,
00:14:33,568 --> 00:14:35,526 but you gotta understand that drastic times
00:14:35,570 --> 00:14:38,007 call for drastic measures.
00:14:38,051 --> 00:14:41,706 I just don't feel good about treating people this way.
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:44,492 I think the most important thing still has to be loving
00:14:44,579 --> 00:14:46,146 and respecting each other.
00:14:48,626 --> 00:14:50,150 All right, man, I need to ask you something
00:14:50,193 --> 00:14:52,282 and I need you to tell me the truth.
00:14:52,369 --> 00:14:54,415 Are you a fag?
00:14:54,545 --> 00:14:56,069 No. That has nothing to do with it. It just--
00:14:56,156 --> 00:14:57,766 Are you fucking sure?
00:14:57,809 --> 00:15:00,464 I'm just trying to say that I'm really confused right now.
00:15:00,508 --> 00:15:02,162 OK, but confused like you don't know if you're attracted
00:15:02,205 --> 00:15:03,815 to dudes, or like what?
00:15:03,859 --> 00:15:07,994 Like how we can just change everything about who we are.
00:15:08,037 --> 00:15:09,560 I think you still just don't understand
00:15:09,604 --> 00:15:12,172 what Christians today are about.
00:15:12,259 --> 00:15:17,090 Come on. There's someone I think you should talk to.
00:15:17,177 --> 00:15:18,613 Oh, yes, the Antichrist!
00:15:18,743 --> 00:15:21,442 I've listened to a lot of podcasts about that.
00:15:21,485 --> 00:15:23,835 Everyone keeps saying how the Antichrist is coming,
00:15:23,879 --> 00:15:25,402 but I'm like "He already did!
00:15:25,446 --> 00:15:28,057 I was married to him in 2018!"
00:15:28,101 --> 00:15:30,016 But seriously, if he saw how Christian I was now,
00:15:30,146 --> 00:15:31,931 he'd probably shit his pants.
00:15:31,974 --> 00:15:33,671 Don't be jealous.
00:15:33,758 --> 00:15:35,456 He's so funny.
00:15:46,989 --> 00:15:48,817 Hey.
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:50,950 Hey, Satan.
00:16:01,873 --> 00:16:03,919 - Hello, boss. - Ah! Fuck! Shit!
00:16:04,006 --> 00:16:05,660 Oh, sorry, boss.
00:16:05,703 --> 00:16:07,836 I did not know Satan was sleeping.
00:16:07,879 --> 00:16:09,794 Yeah, that's all he ever does anymore.
00:16:09,838 --> 00:16:11,535 Poor boss.
00:16:11,666 --> 00:16:14,147 If you're going to jack off, shall I fetch your cum rag?
00:16:14,234 --> 00:16:15,931 Hey! I wasn't jacking off!
00:16:16,018 --> 00:16:16,976 Sure thing, boss.
00:16:17,019 --> 00:16:18,803 I'll go get your cum rag.
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,682 What is taking you so long?
00:16:27,725 --> 00:16:29,684 I'm very close to finding the secret of the numbers.
00:16:29,727 --> 00:16:31,642 I've narrowed it down to one little boy
00:16:31,686 --> 00:16:33,470 who seems more possessed than the others.
00:16:33,514 --> 00:16:34,950 Then deal with him,
00:16:35,037 --> 00:16:37,083 and keep it quiet.
00:16:37,126 --> 00:16:39,694 Nobody can know that we are working together.
00:16:39,824 --> 00:16:41,522 When I become president,
00:16:41,565 --> 00:16:45,265 I will give you full access to everyone's data.
00:16:45,395 --> 00:16:47,528 I've already spoken with the mother,
00:16:47,658 --> 00:16:51,053 and I'm on my way now to face the child.
00:17:02,325 --> 00:17:05,546 <i>♪ Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist ♪</i>
00:17:05,589 --> 00:17:08,592 <i>♪ Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist ♪</i>
00:17:08,636 --> 00:17:13,945 ♪ I'm Peter Thiel and I know about the Antichrist ♪
00:17:13,989 --> 00:17:15,817 <i>♪ Let's deal with the Antichrist today ♪</i>
00:17:15,860 --> 00:17:17,558 ♪ Today
00:17:17,688 --> 00:17:19,299 Is your son home?
00:17:19,342 --> 00:17:21,518 Yes, Mr. Thiel.
00:17:21,562 --> 00:17:25,000 He's right upstairs.
00:17:42,148 --> 00:17:45,368 Eric, I'm Peter Thiel.
00:17:45,499 --> 00:17:47,718 I'm here to help our country.
00:17:47,849 --> 00:17:49,329 Uh, OK.
00:17:49,372 --> 00:17:52,462 I came to see you...
00:17:52,549 --> 00:17:55,161 in an Uber, Eric.
00:17:58,947 --> 00:18:01,906 Would you like to know how long it took me to get here?
00:18:03,517 --> 00:18:05,301 How long?
00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:07,390 It took...
00:18:07,434 --> 00:18:08,870 around six or seven minutes. I'm not really--
00:18:13,266 --> 00:18:15,137 No way! No way!
00:18:17,661 --> 00:18:20,273 You know, they're all just a bunch of libtards anyways.
00:18:20,403 --> 00:18:22,536 I know what's up. I listen to podcasts.
00:18:22,579 --> 00:18:24,538 You wanna know who I think the Antichrist is?
00:18:24,581 --> 00:18:26,061 Greta Thunberg.
00:18:26,192 --> 00:18:28,237 With her stupid haircut and her dumb bangs.
00:18:28,368 --> 00:18:30,544 Someone should yank out whatever's up her ass.
00:18:32,502 --> 00:18:33,547 I can't.
00:18:33,590 --> 00:18:35,679 I just can't!
00:18:42,512 --> 00:18:44,166 Everything all right, bud?
00:18:44,253 --> 00:18:45,646 No, everything's not all right!
00:18:45,776 --> 00:18:47,604 I don't know what I'm doing here!
00:18:47,735 --> 00:18:50,259 You're trying to get with the program, bro!
00:18:50,303 --> 00:18:52,131 Peggy Rockbottom is a hot Christian girl,
00:18:52,174 --> 00:18:54,045 now stop acting gay!
00:18:54,176 --> 00:18:56,613 Look, I don't know what you think Christianity is,
00:18:56,657 --> 00:18:59,181 but it has nothing to do with that.
00:18:59,225 --> 00:19:00,704 What are you saying?
00:19:00,748 --> 00:19:02,837 I'm saying that you and a lot of other people
00:19:02,967 --> 00:19:05,796 seem to have a very warped sense of what Christianity is.
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:07,450 Are you questioning my faith?
00:19:07,581 --> 00:19:09,365 You wanna fucking go?
00:19:09,409 --> 00:19:11,672 No, I don't want to fucking go.
00:19:11,715 --> 00:19:14,153 - You got a problem, bro? - No, I don't have a problem.
00:19:14,196 --> 00:19:16,024 You actually have a problem.
00:19:16,067 --> 00:19:17,547 You need a way to bully people
00:19:17,634 --> 00:19:19,201 and you're using the Bible to do it.
00:19:21,290 --> 00:19:24,511 <i>You like that? Yeah! You want some more?</i>
00:19:27,383 --> 00:19:29,298 I'm not gonna fight you!
00:19:29,342 --> 00:19:31,779 Damn right you won't, 'cause you're a gay little pussy!
00:19:33,781 --> 00:19:35,304 Yeah, don't come back!
00:19:35,435 --> 00:19:37,698 You're gonna get some more, bitch!
00:19:39,439 --> 00:19:41,354 Tell me what it means!
00:19:44,095 --> 00:19:45,880 The Lord labored six days
00:19:45,923 --> 00:19:47,447 and on the seventh, He rested!
00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:53,017 You will tell me the significance!
00:19:55,106 --> 00:19:57,674 There's nothing more I can do here.
00:19:57,805 --> 00:20:00,634 I have to take him to Washington D.C.
00:20:00,677 --> 00:20:04,072 Washington? Oh, no, he can't travel now.
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:05,900 He's very sick.
00:20:05,943 --> 00:20:09,904 Your son is the key to saving our country, Ms. Cartman.
00:20:10,034 --> 00:20:12,907 Everything we hold dear could end.
00:20:12,950 --> 00:20:15,301 We have to unlock the secrets he holds,
00:20:15,431 --> 00:20:18,695 no matter what it takes.
00:20:25,354 --> 00:20:30,533 <i>♪ Sister Christian, oh, the time has come ♪</i>
00:20:30,664 --> 00:20:34,842 <i>♪ And you know that you're the only one ♪</i>
00:20:34,929 --> 00:20:38,976 <i>♪ To say "OK" ♪</i>
00:20:41,631 --> 00:20:46,767 <i>♪ Where you going? What you looking for? ♪</i>
00:20:46,810 --> 00:20:51,075 <i>♪ You know those boys don't wanna play no more ♪</i>
00:20:51,206 --> 00:20:53,513 <i>♪ With you ♪</i>
00:20:53,556 --> 00:20:56,080 <i>♪ It's true</i>
00:21:07,744 --> 00:21:10,443 <i>♪ You're motorin' ♪</i>
00:21:10,530 --> 00:21:15,752 <i>♪ What's your price for flight? ♪</i>
00:21:15,796 --> 00:21:21,105 <i>♪ In finding Mr. Right</i>
00:21:21,192 --> 00:21:24,718 <i>♪ You'll be all right tonight ♪</i>
00:21:28,243 --> 00:21:29,766 Fuck yeah, Jesus!
00:21:29,810 --> 00:21:31,768 <i>♪ You're motorin'</i>
00:21:31,812 --> 00:21:36,991 <i>♪ What's your price for flight? ♪</i>
00:21:37,121 --> 00:21:39,385 <i>♪ In finding Mr. Right? ♪</i>
00:21:39,515 --> 00:21:41,256 Let's fucking go, bro!
00:21:41,343 --> 00:21:45,739 Yes, baby! Yes!
00:21:45,782 --> 00:21:48,611 <i>♪ Tonight</i>

00:00:05,657 --> 00:00:09,183 <i>[theme music]</i>
00:00:09,313 --> 00:00:10,488 <i>- ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:10,532 --> 00:00:12,447 <i>♪ Gonna have myself a time</i>
00:00:12,490 --> 00:00:13,926 - ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:14,057 --> 00:00:15,841 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:15,928 --> 00:00:17,060 <i>- ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:17,147 --> 00:00:18,931 <i>♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪</i>
00:00:18,975 --> 00:00:20,716 - ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,846 --> 00:00:22,500 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor" ♪
00:00:22,631 --> 00:00:23,719 <i>- ♪ I'm headin' on down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:23,849 --> 00:00:25,851 <i>♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪</i>
00:00:25,982 --> 00:00:29,116 - ♪ [mumbling] ♪
00:00:29,159 --> 00:00:30,334 <i>- ♪ Come on down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:30,378 --> 00:00:32,162 <i>♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪</i>
00:00:35,861 --> 00:00:36,775 <i>[twangy music]</i>
00:00:36,862 --> 00:00:39,865 [school bell rings]
00:00:39,909 --> 00:00:41,954 - Hey, fellas! Fellas!
00:00:42,085 --> 00:00:44,566 You wanna know what time I woke up this morning?
00:00:44,696 --> 00:00:46,655 - What time? - Around six-seven!
00:00:46,742 --> 00:00:49,005 all: Six-seven!
00:00:49,092 --> 00:00:50,528 - Oh, hey, Annie. Ladies.
00:00:50,659 --> 00:00:52,878 Did you guys do your homework last night?
00:00:52,965 --> 00:00:56,491 I tried to, but I got stuck on problems six and seven!
00:00:56,534 --> 00:00:58,101 all: Six-seven!
00:00:58,145 --> 00:00:59,320 - [Butters laughs]
00:00:59,450 --> 00:01:00,756 Hey, Eric!
00:01:00,799 --> 00:01:02,366 - I know, Butters. I know. Don't do it to me.
00:01:02,410 --> 00:01:04,194 It's too funny. - But I just did a six-seven
00:01:04,325 --> 00:01:06,370 with Annie and Megan at the same time!
00:01:06,414 --> 00:01:07,980 - Yeah, five minutes ago I snuck up on Wendy
00:01:08,111 --> 00:01:09,373 and totally six-seven'd her from behind.
00:01:09,504 --> 00:01:10,722 - Wow! - Hey, Scott.
00:01:10,766 --> 00:01:11,984 How's your diabetes, man?
00:01:12,115 --> 00:01:15,597 - My diabetes? - Yeah, what's your A1C at?
00:01:15,684 --> 00:01:17,120 - 6.7.
00:01:17,251 --> 00:01:19,818 all: Six-seven!
00:01:19,949 --> 00:01:21,124 - [laughs] Oh, my God.
00:01:21,168 --> 00:01:23,561 So fucking funny.
00:01:23,692 --> 00:01:26,173 [indistinct chatter]
00:01:26,216 --> 00:01:27,957 - All right, everyone, listen up.
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:30,786 I've gotten a lot of reports of disruptions in the classroom
00:01:30,916 --> 00:01:33,789 and some satanic numerology shit going on.
00:01:33,919 --> 00:01:36,792 So I want to remind you this is a Power Christian school,
00:01:36,922 --> 00:01:38,315 and I am a Power Christian Principal,
00:01:38,359 --> 00:01:40,012 and we will be PC!
00:01:40,056 --> 00:01:42,058 So now I want you to hear from someone
00:01:42,189 --> 00:01:45,017 who is the highest authority on Biblical prophecies.
00:01:45,148 --> 00:01:47,846 This person is an absolute expert on the end of days
00:01:47,977 --> 00:01:49,718 and the coming of the Antichrist.
00:01:49,805 --> 00:01:52,503 Please welcome Mr. Pete Thiel.
00:01:52,590 --> 00:01:54,766 [upbeat music playing]
00:01:54,810 --> 00:01:57,813 - ♪ Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist ♪
00:01:57,943 --> 00:02:00,859 ♪ Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist ♪
00:02:00,903 --> 00:02:06,082 - ♪ I'm Peter Thiel and I know about the Antichrist ♪
00:02:06,213 --> 00:02:07,562 SINGERS: ♪ Let's learn about the Antichrist today ♪
00:02:07,605 --> 00:02:09,259 - ♪ Today
00:02:09,303 --> 00:02:10,391 Hello, kids, I'm Peter Thiel, and I'm here to talk to you
00:02:10,434 --> 00:02:12,132 about the Antichrist!
00:02:13,568 --> 00:02:14,873 [one person clapping]
00:02:15,004 --> 00:02:17,267 OK, so first, what is the Antichrist?
00:02:17,311 --> 00:02:19,226 The Antichrist is a newer, more human form of Satan
00:02:19,356 --> 00:02:20,618 that will soon walk the Earth.
00:02:20,662 --> 00:02:22,098 We don't know how soon it will walk the Earth,
00:02:22,229 --> 00:02:24,187 but it could be within the next six to seven weeks.
00:02:24,231 --> 00:02:26,581 KIDS: Six-seven!
00:02:27,930 --> 00:02:29,758 - Uh, kay.
00:02:29,845 --> 00:02:31,673 Uh, you see, Satan was a fallen angel
00:02:31,803 --> 00:02:33,283 and God punished him,
00:02:33,414 --> 00:02:35,851 and to make sure that Satan could never have offspring,
00:02:35,981 --> 00:02:38,897 the Lord God did shrink Satan's asshole
00:02:39,028 --> 00:02:41,987 to the size of a tiny, little pinhole
00:02:42,074 --> 00:02:45,643 so nothing could ever penetrate and ejaculate inside of it.
00:02:45,774 --> 00:02:48,342 So Satan could never have a butt baby until
00:02:48,429 --> 00:02:50,648 along came Mr. Donald Trunp,
00:02:50,779 --> 00:02:53,825 whose penis is so teeny, teeny tiny
00:02:53,869 --> 00:02:56,654 it could actually fit in Satan's asshole.
00:02:56,785 --> 00:02:58,526 How small is Donald Trump's penis?
00:02:58,656 --> 00:03:01,224 Somewhere between six and seven centimeters.
00:03:01,355 --> 00:03:04,706 KIDS: Six-seven!
00:03:04,836 --> 00:03:06,925 - Hey, look, this is very important, people.
00:03:07,056 --> 00:03:08,666 OK, the Antichrist is coming.
00:03:08,753 --> 00:03:12,322 The Bible refers to the eagle, which refers to America,
00:03:12,366 --> 00:03:14,281 the fourth seal broken, and hell coming to Earth.
00:03:14,324 --> 00:03:18,285 It's right here in Revelations 6...
00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:19,764 six-seven.
00:03:19,808 --> 00:03:22,289 KIDS: Six-seven!
00:03:22,419 --> 00:03:24,552 - [laughing]
00:03:24,595 --> 00:03:27,337 - Good, and breathe in through your nose. [inhales]
00:03:27,381 --> 00:03:28,947 [exhales] And out through your mouth.
00:03:29,034 --> 00:03:30,732 In--two, three four.
00:03:30,862 --> 00:03:32,734 And exhale--two, three, four.
00:03:32,864 --> 00:03:34,431 Good. Let your shoulders soften.
00:03:34,475 --> 00:03:36,259 Let your jaw relax.
00:03:36,346 --> 00:03:38,870 Now gentle pressure on the hips as your partner exhales.
00:03:39,001 --> 00:03:40,002 Good.
00:03:40,045 --> 00:03:42,526 - This is so boring!
00:03:42,657 --> 00:03:44,702 - How about you shut up and do your job?
00:03:44,833 --> 00:03:46,704 - Ah, come on, Satan!
00:03:46,748 --> 00:03:48,097 How about we just go home and fuck?
00:03:48,140 --> 00:03:49,968 We haven't had sex in forever.
00:03:50,099 --> 00:03:52,275 - That's because it's bad for the baby.
00:03:52,362 --> 00:03:54,495 - Yeah, but fuck the baby. This is stupid!
00:03:54,625 --> 00:03:56,279 - Did you just say "fuck the baby"?
00:03:56,410 --> 00:03:58,716 - Hey, relax, guy.
00:03:58,847 --> 00:04:00,675 I didn't mean like really fuck the baby!
00:04:00,718 --> 00:04:02,416 - No, you know what? You can just go home.
00:04:02,503 --> 00:04:03,765 I'll finish this myself.
00:04:03,895 --> 00:04:05,723 You can go home and jack off if you want.
00:04:05,854 --> 00:04:07,899 INSTRUCTOR: [exhales] Perfect.
00:04:15,298 --> 00:04:18,432 [belt clinking, zipper opens]
00:04:26,744 --> 00:04:27,876 [door opens]
00:04:27,919 --> 00:04:29,007 - Hello, boss!
00:04:29,094 --> 00:04:30,661 - Ah! Shit!
00:04:30,748 --> 00:04:31,967 - Good news, boss,
00:04:32,010 --> 00:04:34,752 we just shut down another abortion clinic.
00:04:34,796 --> 00:04:36,711 - Oh, yeah, great. That's great.
00:04:36,754 --> 00:04:37,973 - Yes, boss.
00:04:38,103 --> 00:04:40,671 You've made all the Christians so happy.
00:04:40,758 --> 00:04:44,371 Of course, there is still one more clinic
00:04:44,414 --> 00:04:46,329 that will still perform abortions
00:04:46,460 --> 00:04:48,244 right here in town.
00:04:48,331 --> 00:04:49,289 <i>[dramatic musical sting]</i>
00:04:49,332 --> 00:04:50,942 - There is? - Oh, yes.
00:04:50,986 --> 00:04:53,162 How unfortunate that some babies
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:56,121 will not be able to be born.
00:04:56,208 --> 00:04:59,473 As Christians, we can't allow this to continue.
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,779 Perhaps you should go speak
00:05:01,910 --> 00:05:04,521 with this abortion doctor personally.
00:05:04,565 --> 00:05:07,132 - Yeah. Yeah!
00:05:09,787 --> 00:05:11,311 [knock on door] - Come on.
00:05:13,791 --> 00:05:15,402 - PC Principal, do you have a minute?
00:05:15,532 --> 00:05:16,925 - Sure, Jesus. What do you need?
00:05:17,012 --> 00:05:19,797 - I'm starting to wonder if I really fit in here.
00:05:19,928 --> 00:05:21,451 - Course you fit in.
00:05:21,582 --> 00:05:23,453 This school's been a cesspool of heathen left-wing
00:05:23,584 --> 00:05:26,543 little bitches, and only our faith is gonna set them right.
00:05:26,587 --> 00:05:28,980 - Could I ask exactly
00:05:29,024 --> 00:05:32,027 what branch of Christianity are you?
00:05:32,157 --> 00:05:33,245 - The kind that loves his country
00:05:33,376 --> 00:05:35,247 and doesn't tolerate any fucking fags.
00:05:35,378 --> 00:05:38,642 - Yeah, see, I-I really think I don't belong here.
00:05:38,686 --> 00:05:40,557 - Look, I understand it's a tough transition.
00:05:40,601 --> 00:05:42,211 You know, the vice principal here
00:05:42,254 --> 00:05:44,387 had the same conflict as you, but she's really come around.
00:05:44,474 --> 00:05:46,389 - The vice principal? Your wife?
00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:47,782 - That's right.
00:05:47,825 --> 00:05:49,697 Can you send in Strong Christian Woman, please?
00:05:49,740 --> 00:05:52,090 She was saying this wasn't the place for her anymore,
00:05:52,221 --> 00:05:54,354 but just this last weekend, she converted to Christianity.
00:05:54,397 --> 00:05:56,225 [knocks]
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:57,922 - You wanted to see me?
00:05:58,053 --> 00:05:59,620 - Yeah, Strong Christian Woman, I was just telling Jesus
00:05:59,663 --> 00:06:00,664 here about our faith.
00:06:00,795 --> 00:06:03,624 - Oh, yes, it's been such a blessing.
00:06:03,711 --> 00:06:05,974 - She converted on Saturday. What do you think, huh?
00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:07,976 You ever seen a more Christian chick in your fucking life?
00:06:08,106 --> 00:06:09,543 - Never.
00:06:09,673 --> 00:06:11,109 - Look, I know it's a hard adjustment,
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:12,459 but just stick with it,
00:06:12,502 --> 00:06:14,591 and you're gonna fit in here just fine, Jesus.
00:06:17,768 --> 00:06:20,554 - [soft muttering]
00:06:24,209 --> 00:06:26,777 [snickers]
00:06:26,864 --> 00:06:29,519 [giggles]
00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:31,347 - Everything go good at school today, honey?
00:06:31,478 --> 00:06:33,784 - [stifling laughter] Yep, yep. School was good.
00:06:33,871 --> 00:06:37,222 School was pretty good. [snickering]
00:06:37,309 --> 00:06:38,702 - Is everything OK, honey?
00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:39,834 - Yeah. Everything's fine.
00:06:39,877 --> 00:06:41,270 It's fine.
00:06:41,313 --> 00:06:43,490 Mom? Uh, could I-- could I ask you something?
00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:44,578 - Sure, Eric.
00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:46,014 - Do you know, um--
00:06:46,101 --> 00:06:47,581 do you know on average,
00:06:47,711 --> 00:06:49,931 um, at what age kids lose their baby teeth?
00:06:50,061 --> 00:06:51,585 - Oh, I'm not sure, Eric.
00:06:51,715 --> 00:06:53,804 I guess usually around six, seven?
00:06:53,891 --> 00:06:57,852 - [laughing]
00:06:57,982 --> 00:06:59,027 OK.
00:06:59,114 --> 00:07:00,245 - Eric, what?
00:07:00,332 --> 00:07:01,508 - No, nothing. Nothing. I'm sorry.
00:07:01,638 --> 00:07:02,944 [clears throat] I'm sorry.
00:07:03,074 --> 00:07:05,381 I was just, uh-- I was just, um--
00:07:05,512 --> 00:07:07,905 I was just thinking about your menstrual cycle.
00:07:08,036 --> 00:07:09,690 - My menstrual cycle?
00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:11,561 - Yeah, I was just wondering
00:07:11,692 --> 00:07:14,303 when you actual menstruate, Mom.
00:07:14,346 --> 00:07:17,349 Like, roughly, how many days does that last?
00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:18,655 - Well, Eric, it's usually around
00:07:18,699 --> 00:07:20,048 six to seven days that a woman--
00:07:20,091 --> 00:07:25,096 - [laughing]
00:07:25,227 --> 00:07:27,272 Oh. Oh. [choking]
00:07:27,403 --> 00:07:29,753 [laughing, choking]
00:07:29,884 --> 00:07:32,452 [retching]
00:07:32,495 --> 00:07:36,934 [retching continues]
00:07:36,978 --> 00:07:39,110 - Eric? Sweetie?
00:07:39,241 --> 00:07:42,287 - [coughs, pants]
00:07:42,374 --> 00:07:45,203 - Eric, what is going on? This keeps happening.
00:07:45,334 --> 00:07:48,206 - Mom, Mom, you gotta tell me something.
00:07:48,293 --> 00:07:49,556 - Of course, honey.
00:07:49,599 --> 00:07:51,732 - Roughly how many nights-- [gags]
00:07:51,775 --> 00:07:53,081 have I been throwing up at dinner?
00:07:53,168 --> 00:07:54,778 - I-I don't know, Eric.
00:07:54,822 --> 00:07:56,127 It's probably been six or seven nights--
00:07:56,258 --> 00:07:58,086 - [laughing]
00:07:58,216 --> 00:08:01,611 [vomiting]
00:08:07,965 --> 00:08:09,010 [knock on door]
00:08:09,140 --> 00:08:10,620 - Hey, Jesus, get your stuff, man.
00:08:10,664 --> 00:08:12,404 We're going out for drinks. - What?
00:08:12,448 --> 00:08:13,536 - Look, I know it's been hard for you
00:08:13,623 --> 00:08:14,929 trying to adjust here and everything,
00:08:14,972 --> 00:08:16,234 so the wife and I were talking
00:08:16,365 --> 00:08:17,497 and we found a nice Christian lady
00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:18,541 we're gonna set you up with.
00:08:18,672 --> 00:08:21,631 - Oh, I don't think so. Thanks, but--
00:08:21,675 --> 00:08:23,328 - Oh, come on, man. She's a really great woman,
00:08:23,415 --> 00:08:25,374 and she just converted to Christianity.
00:08:25,417 --> 00:08:29,683 My wife met her at the same place that she became Christian.
00:08:29,813 --> 00:08:31,467 WOMAN: So then I was like, "You know what?
00:08:31,598 --> 00:08:33,382 I need a new direction in my life.
00:08:33,425 --> 00:08:35,906 It's like I just got so sick of everyone being such a pussy
00:08:35,993 --> 00:08:37,952 all the time, and all this woke garbage
00:08:37,995 --> 00:08:39,693 and women trying to be men.
00:08:39,823 --> 00:08:41,564 So I just started reading the Bible, you know?
00:08:41,651 --> 00:08:43,174 I mean, I didn't actually read the Bible,
00:08:43,218 --> 00:08:44,872 but I listened to a lot of podcasts.
00:08:44,915 --> 00:08:46,569 And once I went through my transition, I was like,
00:08:46,613 --> 00:08:48,136 "This is great,"
00:08:48,223 --> 00:08:51,139 only now, guys are always checking out my Christianity.
00:08:51,226 --> 00:08:52,706 - Sorry, could you all excuse me?
00:08:52,793 --> 00:08:54,272 I need to go to the bathroom.
00:08:54,359 --> 00:08:55,926 - Sure thing, Jesus.
00:08:58,189 --> 00:09:00,496 - He seems nice.
00:09:07,808 --> 00:09:09,287 - [sighs]
00:09:15,380 --> 00:09:18,166 [light music playing]
00:09:18,296 --> 00:09:25,042 ♪ ♪
00:09:25,086 --> 00:09:28,045 - Miss Davidson?
00:09:28,176 --> 00:09:32,615 Miss Coco Slutty Davidson?
00:09:32,746 --> 00:09:34,182 - Oh, yeah, that's me!
00:09:34,269 --> 00:09:36,097 I'm Coco Slutty Davidson.
00:09:36,227 --> 00:09:37,402 I'm just here to get an abortion.
00:09:37,533 --> 00:09:38,882 [chuckles]
00:09:41,537 --> 00:09:44,322 - The doctor's right in here... ma'am.
00:09:44,409 --> 00:09:46,760 - Hey, doc!
00:09:52,243 --> 00:09:53,680 All right, listen,
00:09:53,723 --> 00:09:55,638 I need you to perform an abortion, but it's not for me.
00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:57,074 It's for my partner.
00:09:57,118 --> 00:09:58,293 And you can't tell anyone,
00:09:58,423 --> 00:10:00,295 not even my partner.
00:10:00,425 --> 00:10:01,905 - How am I supposed to do that?
00:10:02,036 --> 00:10:03,298 - Well, you're gonna come with me, see,
00:10:03,428 --> 00:10:04,952 and we're gonna sneak into my house,
00:10:04,995 --> 00:10:07,998 and you're gonna suck that thing out while everyone's asleep.
00:10:08,129 --> 00:10:10,305 - You house wouldn't happen to be white, would it?
00:10:10,348 --> 00:10:11,567 - Hey! How do you know that?
00:10:11,698 --> 00:10:13,743 - Look, Mr. President, I've seen the news.
00:10:13,787 --> 00:10:16,354 If you got Satan pregnant, that's your responsibility.
00:10:16,485 --> 00:10:18,313 - Well, it's your responsibility now!
00:10:18,356 --> 00:10:20,097 Or else I'll sue you, how about that?
00:10:20,141 --> 00:10:22,099 - Even if I wanted to help you, sir,
00:10:22,230 --> 00:10:23,884 I have no idea how to perform an abortion
00:10:24,014 --> 00:10:25,581 on the offspring of Satan.
00:10:25,712 --> 00:10:28,845 To do that, you'd need some kind of expert on the Antichrist.
00:10:28,889 --> 00:10:31,805 <i>[upbeat music]</i>
00:10:31,935 --> 00:10:34,677 <i>SINGERS: ♪ Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist ♪</i>
00:10:34,764 --> 00:10:37,941 <i>♪ Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist ♪</i>
00:10:37,985 --> 00:10:42,859 - ♪ I'm Peter Thiel and I know about the Antichrist ♪
00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:45,296 <i>♪</i>
00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:46,689 All right, listen,
00:10:46,776 --> 00:10:48,778 you people have a very serious problem here.
00:10:48,822 --> 00:10:51,128 Your students appear to be in some kind of cult
00:10:51,172 --> 00:10:52,869 involving the numbers six and seven.
00:10:52,913 --> 00:10:54,697 - All right, so what should we do?
00:10:54,784 --> 00:10:57,569 - I'm going to need access to all your school's private data--
00:10:57,700 --> 00:10:59,833 school records, health records, and of course,
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:01,356 all security cameras.
00:11:01,399 --> 00:11:03,924 - Oh, no, look, I don't think we need it--
00:11:04,054 --> 00:11:06,056 - Is this really what we've come to?
00:11:06,143 --> 00:11:08,189 Freely handing people's personal data over
00:11:08,232 --> 00:11:10,539 to some tech billionaire preaching shit about the Bible?
00:11:12,846 --> 00:11:15,500 - You got a problem with Jesus, bro?
00:11:15,587 --> 00:11:18,590 - Come on, man, you became a Christian like three months ago.
00:11:18,634 --> 00:11:20,331 - Yeah, I've got fucking faith, dude!
00:11:20,375 --> 00:11:21,942 What do you have, you little bitch?
00:11:21,985 --> 00:11:23,160 You wanna throw down, bro?
00:11:23,204 --> 00:11:24,814 - OK, hey, hey, hey--
00:11:24,858 --> 00:11:25,946 - You wanna see what it feels like to talk shit
00:11:25,989 --> 00:11:27,251 about Christians, dude?
00:11:27,295 --> 00:11:28,818 [grunting]
00:11:28,862 --> 00:11:30,167 - I'll kick your heathen ass, bro!
00:11:30,211 --> 00:11:36,565 [mechanical droning]
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:39,002 [loud whirring]
00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:43,398 [thrumming]
00:11:43,441 --> 00:11:45,226 - All right, just try to be still, Eric.
00:11:45,356 --> 00:11:47,184 - Doctor, could I ask a question?
00:11:47,315 --> 00:11:48,577 - Of course.
00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:50,535 - About how long-- [stifled laughter]
00:11:50,622 --> 00:11:52,102 do you need me to be still?
00:11:52,189 --> 00:11:53,974 - Just about ten seconds, Eric.
00:11:54,017 --> 00:11:54,931 - OK.
00:11:57,499 --> 00:11:58,805 So how long now?
00:11:58,848 --> 00:12:00,328 - Just another six, seven seconds, Eric--
00:12:00,371 --> 00:12:02,330 - [laughter]
00:12:02,460 --> 00:12:05,681 [vomiting]
00:12:07,335 --> 00:12:09,206 [steady beeping]
00:12:09,293 --> 00:12:11,034 - I'm sorry, Mrs. Cartman, but we can't pinpoint
00:12:11,165 --> 00:12:12,688 the source of his illness.
00:12:12,775 --> 00:12:14,603 - [snorting]
00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:17,214 - If he continues to vomit this much daily,
00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:19,260 I'm afraid it could be life threatening.
00:12:19,390 --> 00:12:21,044 - But, doctor,
00:12:21,088 --> 00:12:23,873 if I'm not able to keep any food down,
00:12:23,917 --> 00:12:26,876 roughly how long would it take-- [stifled laughter]
00:12:27,007 --> 00:12:29,792 roughly how long would it take for the human body to die?
00:12:29,879 --> 00:12:32,012 - Eric, I'm gonna be very honest with you.
00:12:32,142 --> 00:12:33,840 Without sufficient nutrients,
00:12:33,883 --> 00:12:35,755 the body shuts down after six to seven weeks.
00:12:35,798 --> 00:12:39,367 - [laughing]
00:12:39,454 --> 00:12:41,369 [vomit splatting]
00:12:41,456 --> 00:12:44,459 [keyboard clacking]
00:12:44,502 --> 00:12:46,678 - Excuse me, that's my computer.
00:12:46,722 --> 00:12:49,203 - Yes. And your computer has all the personal data
00:12:49,246 --> 00:12:51,031 of the students here. - It's OK, Jesus,
00:12:51,161 --> 00:12:52,510 Peter Thiel knows what he's doing.
00:12:52,641 --> 00:12:54,512 - I've downloaded all the students' information
00:12:54,643 --> 00:12:57,254 and loaded them into an AI face detection program
00:12:57,341 --> 00:12:59,648 so the school's security cameras can watch their every move.
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,519 Now look.
00:13:01,650 --> 00:13:03,521 Two students passing each other in the hallway.
00:13:03,652 --> 00:13:06,611 <i>They give each other the sign-- six, seven.</i>
00:13:06,655 --> 00:13:08,918 Exactly 67 seconds later,
00:13:09,049 --> 00:13:12,182 this odd parka-wearing child makes the same gesture.
00:13:12,269 --> 00:13:14,706 And then inside the girls bathroom,
00:13:14,750 --> 00:13:17,100 two girls doing the same thing.
00:13:17,144 --> 00:13:20,538 - Wait, why is there a camera inside the girls bathroom?
00:13:20,669 --> 00:13:23,063 - To stop the Antichrist.
00:13:23,150 --> 00:13:25,195 Now I'm following the lead on this girl here.
00:13:25,282 --> 00:13:28,503 She went home to 67 Mala Vista Drive.
00:13:28,546 --> 00:13:30,331 Going through her family's medical records,
00:13:30,461 --> 00:13:33,073 I found that her father has testicular cancer
00:13:33,116 --> 00:13:36,990 and 67 days ago, had one testicle removed.
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,514 - That really feels like none of our business.
00:13:39,644 --> 00:13:41,168 - I don't know how I'm supposed to work
00:13:41,211 --> 00:13:43,518 with Nosy Nancy peering over my shoulder all the time.
00:13:43,648 --> 00:13:45,085 - Jesus, let's you and me have a quick chin wiggle
00:13:45,215 --> 00:13:46,390 out in the hall.
00:13:49,263 --> 00:13:50,177 [door shuts]
00:13:53,658 --> 00:13:54,616 <i>[sinister music]</i>
00:13:54,659 --> 00:13:56,313 - I'm getting close.
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:59,360 I almost have the key to stop it from happening.
00:13:59,490 --> 00:14:01,144 <i>♪ ♪</i>
00:14:01,188 --> 00:14:03,538 - We are running out of time, Mr. Thiel.
00:14:03,581 --> 00:14:05,975 The Antichrist is coming.
00:14:06,019 --> 00:14:10,284 Satan is shopping for baby strollers as we speak.
00:14:10,327 --> 00:14:13,200 - If I'm going to learn what these numbers mean,
00:14:13,330 --> 00:14:16,333 I'm going to need access to every government database.
00:14:16,464 --> 00:14:18,814 - You will have it, Mr. Thiel.
00:14:18,945 --> 00:14:21,512 Nothing is more important than making sure
00:14:21,556 --> 00:14:24,907 this baby is not born.
00:14:24,951 --> 00:14:27,127 <i>♪</i>
00:14:27,170 --> 00:14:30,826 <i>[soft sentimental music]</i>
00:14:30,957 --> 00:14:33,481 - Look, man, I know it's tough,
00:14:33,568 --> 00:14:35,526 but you gotta understand that drastic times
00:14:35,570 --> 00:14:38,007 call for drastic measures.
00:14:38,051 --> 00:14:41,706 - I just don't feel good about treating people this way.
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:44,492 I think the most important thing still has to be loving
00:14:44,579 --> 00:14:46,146 and respecting each other.
00:14:46,189 --> 00:14:48,583 <i>♪</i>
00:14:48,626 --> 00:14:50,150 - All right, man, I need to ask you something
00:14:50,193 --> 00:14:52,282 and I need you to tell me the truth.
00:14:52,369 --> 00:14:54,415 Are you a fag?
00:14:54,545 --> 00:14:56,069 - No. That has nothing to do with it. It just--
00:14:56,156 --> 00:14:57,766 - Are you fucking sure?
00:14:57,809 --> 00:15:00,464 - I'm just trying to say that I'm really confused right now.
00:15:00,508 --> 00:15:02,162 - OK, but confused like you don't know if you're attracted
00:15:02,205 --> 00:15:03,815 to dudes, or like what?
00:15:03,859 --> 00:15:07,994 - Like how we can just change everything about who we are.
00:15:08,037 --> 00:15:09,560 - I think you still just don't understand
00:15:09,604 --> 00:15:12,172 what Christians today are about.
00:15:12,259 --> 00:15:17,090 Come on. There's someone I think you should talk to.
00:15:17,177 --> 00:15:18,613 WOMAN: Oh, yes, the Antichrist!
00:15:18,743 --> 00:15:21,442 I've listened to a lot of podcasts about that.
00:15:21,485 --> 00:15:23,835 Everyone keeps saying how the Antichrist is coming,
00:15:23,879 --> 00:15:25,402 but I'm like "He already did!
00:15:25,446 --> 00:15:28,057 I was married to him in 2018!"
00:15:28,101 --> 00:15:30,016 But seriously, if he saw how Christian I was now,
00:15:30,146 --> 00:15:31,931 he'd probably shit his pants.
00:15:31,974 --> 00:15:33,671 [snorts] Don't be jealous.
00:15:33,758 --> 00:15:35,456 He's so funny.
00:15:39,329 --> 00:15:42,202 <i>[militaristic music]</i>
00:15:42,245 --> 00:15:46,946 <i>♪</i>
00:15:46,989 --> 00:15:48,817 - Hey.
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:50,950 Hey, Satan.
00:16:01,873 --> 00:16:03,919 - Hello, boss. - Ah! Fuck! Shit!
00:16:04,006 --> 00:16:05,660 - Oh, sorry, boss.
00:16:05,703 --> 00:16:07,836 I did not know Satan was sleeping.
00:16:07,879 --> 00:16:09,794 - Yeah, that's all he ever does anymore.
00:16:09,838 --> 00:16:11,535 - Poor boss.
00:16:11,666 --> 00:16:14,147 If you're going to jack off, shall I fetch your cum rag?
00:16:14,234 --> 00:16:15,931 - Hey! I wasn't jacking off!
00:16:16,018 --> 00:16:16,976 - Sure thing, boss.
00:16:17,019 --> 00:16:18,803 I'll go get your cum rag.
00:16:20,457 --> 00:16:22,720 <i>[sinister music]</i>
00:16:22,851 --> 00:16:24,853 <i>[buttons dialing]</i>
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,682 What is taking you so long?
00:16:27,725 --> 00:16:29,684 - I'm very close to finding the secret of the numbers.
00:16:29,727 --> 00:16:31,642 I've narrowed it down to one little boy
00:16:31,686 --> 00:16:33,470 who seems more possessed than the others.
00:16:33,514 --> 00:16:34,950 - Then deal with him,
00:16:35,037 --> 00:16:37,083 and keep it quiet.
00:16:37,126 --> 00:16:39,694 Nobody can know that we are working together.
00:16:39,824 --> 00:16:41,522 When I become president,
00:16:41,565 --> 00:16:45,265 I will give you full access to everyone's data.
00:16:45,395 --> 00:16:47,528 - I've already spoken with the mother,
00:16:47,658 --> 00:16:51,053 and I'm on my way now to face the child.
00:16:51,184 --> 00:16:54,056 <i>[eerie piano music]</i>
00:16:54,100 --> 00:17:00,019 <i>♪</i>
00:17:02,325 --> 00:17:05,546 <i>SINGERS: ♪ Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist ♪</i>
00:17:05,589 --> 00:17:08,592 <i>♪ Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist ♪</i>
00:17:08,636 --> 00:17:13,945 - ♪ I'm Peter Thiel and I know about the Antichrist ♪
00:17:13,989 --> 00:17:15,817 <i>SINGERS: ♪ Let's deal with the Antichrist today ♪</i>
00:17:15,860 --> 00:17:17,558 - ♪ Today
00:17:17,688 --> 00:17:19,299 Is your son home?
00:17:19,342 --> 00:17:21,518 - Yes, Mr. Thiel.
00:17:21,562 --> 00:17:25,000 He's right upstairs.
00:17:25,087 --> 00:17:27,785 - [muttering, chuckling]
00:17:33,574 --> 00:17:37,752 [coughing, sniffing]
00:17:37,882 --> 00:17:42,104 [stifling laughter]
00:17:42,148 --> 00:17:45,368 - Eric, I'm Peter Thiel.
00:17:45,499 --> 00:17:47,718 I'm here to help our country.
00:17:47,849 --> 00:17:49,329 - Uh, OK.
00:17:49,372 --> 00:17:52,462 - I came to see you...
00:17:52,549 --> 00:17:55,161 in an Uber, Eric.
00:17:55,291 --> 00:17:58,816 - [stifling laughter]
00:17:58,947 --> 00:18:01,906 - Would you like to know how long it took me to get here?
00:18:03,517 --> 00:18:05,301 - How long?
00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:07,390 - It took...
00:18:07,434 --> 00:18:08,870 around six or seven minutes. I'm not really--
00:18:08,913 --> 00:18:10,915 - [vomiting]
00:18:11,046 --> 00:18:13,135 [laughing]
00:18:13,266 --> 00:18:15,137 No way! No way!
00:18:15,181 --> 00:18:17,618 [laughing]
00:18:17,661 --> 00:18:20,273 - You know, they're all just a bunch of libtards anyways.
00:18:20,403 --> 00:18:22,536 I know what's up. I listen to podcasts.
00:18:22,579 --> 00:18:24,538 You wanna know who I think the Antichrist is?
00:18:24,581 --> 00:18:26,061 Greta Thunberg.
00:18:26,192 --> 00:18:28,237 With her stupid haircut and her dumb bangs.
00:18:28,368 --> 00:18:30,544 Someone should yank out whatever's up her ass.
00:18:30,674 --> 00:18:32,372 [snorts]
00:18:32,502 --> 00:18:33,547 - I can't.
00:18:33,590 --> 00:18:35,679 I just can't!
00:18:42,512 --> 00:18:44,166 - Everything all right, bud?
00:18:44,253 --> 00:18:45,646 - No, everything's not all right!
00:18:45,776 --> 00:18:47,604 I don't know what I'm doing here!
00:18:47,735 --> 00:18:50,259 - You're trying to get with the program, bro!
00:18:50,303 --> 00:18:52,131 Peggy Rockbottom is a hot Christian girl,
00:18:52,174 --> 00:18:54,045 now stop acting gay!
00:18:54,176 --> 00:18:56,613 - Look, I don't know what you think Christianity is,
00:18:56,657 --> 00:18:59,181 but it has nothing to do with that.
00:18:59,225 --> 00:19:00,704 - What are you saying?
00:19:00,748 --> 00:19:02,837 - I'm saying that you and a lot of other people
00:19:02,967 --> 00:19:05,796 seem to have a very warped sense of what Christianity is.
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:07,450 - Are you questioning my faith?
00:19:07,581 --> 00:19:09,365 You wanna fucking go?
00:19:09,409 --> 00:19:11,672 - No, I don't want to fucking go.
00:19:11,715 --> 00:19:14,153 - You got a problem, bro? - No, I don't have a problem.
00:19:14,196 --> 00:19:16,024 You actually have a problem.
00:19:16,067 --> 00:19:17,547 You need a way to bully people
00:19:17,634 --> 00:19:19,201 and you're using the Bible to do it.
00:19:19,245 --> 00:19:21,247 [grunts]
00:19:21,290 --> 00:19:24,511 <i>PC PRINCIPAL: You like that? Yeah! You want some more?</i>
00:19:27,383 --> 00:19:29,298 - I'm not gonna fight you!
00:19:29,342 --> 00:19:31,779 - Damn right you won't, 'cause you're a gay little pussy!
00:19:33,781 --> 00:19:35,304 Yeah, don't come back!
00:19:35,435 --> 00:19:37,698 You're gonna get some more, bitch!
00:19:37,828 --> 00:19:39,352 [Cartman coughing]
00:19:39,439 --> 00:19:41,354 PETER: Tell me what it means!
00:19:41,441 --> 00:19:44,052 - [laughing, coughing]
00:19:44,095 --> 00:19:45,880 - The Lord labored six days
00:19:45,923 --> 00:19:47,447 and on the seventh, He rested!
00:19:47,577 --> 00:19:50,145 - [laughing]
00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:53,017 - You will tell me the significance!
00:19:55,106 --> 00:19:57,674 There's nothing more I can do here.
00:19:57,805 --> 00:20:00,634 I have to take him to Washington D.C.
00:20:00,677 --> 00:20:04,072 - Washington? Oh, no, he can't travel now.
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:05,900 He's very sick.
00:20:05,943 --> 00:20:09,904 - Your son is the key to saving our country, Ms. Cartman.
00:20:10,034 --> 00:20:12,907 Everything we hold dear could end.
00:20:12,950 --> 00:20:15,301 We have to unlock the secrets he holds,
00:20:15,431 --> 00:20:18,695 no matter what it takes.
00:20:18,826 --> 00:20:21,611 <i>["Sister Christian" by Night Ranger]</i>
00:20:21,698 --> 00:20:25,267 <i>♪ ♪</i>
00:20:25,354 --> 00:20:30,533 <i>- ♪ Sister Christian, oh, the time has come ♪</i>
00:20:30,664 --> 00:20:34,842 <i>♪ And you know that you're the only one ♪</i>
00:20:34,929 --> 00:20:38,976 <i>♪ To say "OK" ♪</i>
00:20:39,063 --> 00:20:41,501 <i>♪ ♪</i>
00:20:41,631 --> 00:20:46,767 <i>♪ Where you going? What you looking for? ♪</i>
00:20:46,810 --> 00:20:51,075 <i>♪ You know those boys don't wanna play no more ♪</i>
00:20:51,206 --> 00:20:53,513 <i>♪ With you ♪</i>
00:20:53,556 --> 00:20:56,080 <i>♪ It's true</i>
00:20:56,211 --> 00:20:59,345 <i>♪ ♪</i>
00:20:59,475 --> 00:21:02,304 <i>[driving beat]</i>
00:21:02,435 --> 00:21:07,657 <i>♪ ♪</i>
00:21:07,744 --> 00:21:10,443 <i>♪ You're motorin' ♪</i>
00:21:10,530 --> 00:21:15,752 <i>♪ What's your price for flight? ♪</i>
00:21:15,796 --> 00:21:21,105 <i>♪ In finding Mr. Right</i>
00:21:21,192 --> 00:21:24,718 <i>♪ You'll be all right tonight ♪</i>
00:21:24,761 --> 00:21:28,112 <i>♪</i>
00:21:28,243 --> 00:21:29,766 - Fuck yeah, Jesus!
00:21:29,810 --> 00:21:31,768 <i>- ♪ You're motorin'</i>
00:21:31,812 --> 00:21:36,991 <i>♪ What's your price for flight? ♪</i>
00:21:37,121 --> 00:21:39,385 <i>♪ In finding Mr. Right? ♪</i>
00:21:39,515 --> 00:21:41,256 - Let's fucking go, bro!
00:21:41,343 --> 00:21:45,739 - Yes, baby! Yes!
00:21:45,782 --> 00:21:48,611 <i>- ♪ Tonight</i>
00:21:52,136 --> 00:21:54,965 <i>[theme music]</i>
00:21:55,096 --> 00:22:01,972 <i>♪ ♪</i>

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