Конфликт интересов

Предыдущая серия S27 E04 Вок мёртв

Следующая серия S28 E01 Искажённое христианство

Конфликт интересов

Conflict of Interest

Сезон: 27Серия: 05

Описание

Субтитры

00:00:04,090 --> 00:00:06,350 ПЕРСОНАЖИ И СОБЫТИЯ ВЫМЫШЛЕНЫ (НЕ ВСЕ) ГОЛОСА ЗНАМЕНИТОСТЕЙ СЫМИТИРОВАНЫ ПЛОХО
00:00:06,370 --> 00:00:08,420 В ПРОГРАММЕ СОДЕРЖИТСЯ ГРЯЗНАЯ РУГАНЬ НЕ РЕКОМЕНДУЕТСЯ К ПРОСМОТРУ НИКОМУ
00:00:11,950 --> 00:00:13,210 Соберу я свой рюкзак<i></i>
00:00:13,290 --> 00:00:15,150 и поеду в Саус Парк.<i></i>
00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:16,920 Дружелюбный здесь народ,<i></i>
00:00:16,970 --> 00:00:18,550 благочестие цветёт.<i></i>
00:00:18,660 --> 00:00:19,820 В Саус Парк ты приезжаешь<i></i>
00:00:19,910 --> 00:00:21,670 и печали забываешь.<i></i>
00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,590 Стоит только выйти в свет,<i></i>
00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:25,220 все кричат: «Привет, сосед!»<i></i>
00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:26,490 В Саус Парке не печалься,<i></i>
00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:28,400 отдыхай и расслабляйся.<i></i>
00:00:31,870 --> 00:00:33,000 В Саус Парке ждут тебя<i></i>
00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:34,980 мои верные друзья.<i></i>
00:00:35,030 --> 00:00:36,030 ЮЖНЫЙ ПАРК
00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:41,500 НАЧАЛЬНАЯ ШКОЛА САУС ПАРКА
00:05:41,260 --> 00:05:46,300 СТРАТЕГИЧЕСКИЙ КОНСУЛЬТАНТ ПРОГНОЗИРОВАНИЯ РЫНКА
00:06:32,870 --> 00:06:34,510 ПОЗВОНИТЬ НАМ
00:06:37,490 --> 00:06:40,360 КОМИССИЯ ПО ТОРГОВЛЕ ТОВАРНЫМИ ФЬЮЧЕРСАМИ
00:07:00,060 --> 00:07:02,540 ФЕДЕРАЛЬНАЯ КОМИССИЯ ПО СВЯЗИ
00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:06,140 БРЕНДАН КАРР
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:47,170 КАФЕ «МОНЕ»
00:11:25,900 --> 00:11:29,140 КУХНЯ БЕЛОГО ДОМА
00:11:41,050 --> 00:11:43,620 «ПРОСТОЙ ПЛАН Б» ЭКСТРЕННАЯ КОНТРАЦЕПЦИЯ
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,300 ДЛЯ МАЛЫША
00:14:27,790 --> 00:14:28,650 ПРИЧИНА ТОКСОПЛАЗМОЗА: КОШАЧЬИ ФЕКАЛИИ
00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:39,860 НАЧАЛЬНАЯ ШКОЛА САУС ПАРКА
00:16:29,370 --> 00:16:30,440 АЛЬ-ДЖАЗИРА
00:16:30,950 --> 00:16:39,360 (Говорит на арабском)
00:17:10,450 --> 00:17:15,000 СПЕЦИАЛЬНЫЙ КОНСУЛЬТАНТ ИЗРАИЛЯ
00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:43,980 БОЛЬНИЦА ВАШИНГТОНА, ОКРУГ КОЛУМБИЯ
00:20:00,450 --> 00:20:03,740 НАЧАЛЬНАЯ ШКОЛА САУС ПАРКА

00:00:04,090 --> 00:00:06,350 ПЕРСОНАЖИ И СОБЫТИЯ ВЫМЫШЛЕНЫ (НЕ ВСЕ) ГОЛОСА ЗНАМЕНИТОСТЕЙ СЫМИТИРОВАНЫ ПЛОХО
00:00:06,370 --> 00:00:08,420 В ПРОГРАММЕ СОДЕРЖИТСЯ ГРЯЗНАЯ РУГАНЬ НЕ РЕКОМЕНДУЕТСЯ К ПРОСМОТРУ НИКОМУ
00:00:11,950 --> 00:00:13,210 Соберу я свой рюкзак<i></i>
00:00:13,290 --> 00:00:15,150 и поеду в Саус Парк.<i></i>
00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:16,920 Дружелюбный здесь народ,<i></i>
00:00:16,970 --> 00:00:18,550 благочестие цветёт.<i></i>
00:00:18,660 --> 00:00:19,820 В Саус Парк ты приезжаешь<i></i>
00:00:19,910 --> 00:00:21,670 и печали забываешь.<i></i>
00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,590 Стоит только выйти в свет,<i></i>
00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:25,220 все кричат: «Привет, сосед!»<i></i>
00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:26,490 В Саус Парке не печалься,<i></i>
00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:28,400 отдыхай и расслабляйся.<i></i>
00:00:31,870 --> 00:00:33,000 В Саус Парке ждут тебя<i></i>
00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:34,980 мои верные друзья.<i></i>
00:00:35,030 --> 00:00:36,030 ЮЖНЫЙ ПАРК
00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:41,500 НАЧАЛЬНАЯ ШКОЛА САУС ПАРКА
00:00:42,300 --> 00:00:44,550 Так, дети, садитесь на свои места.
00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:47,710 Перед началом урока мы послушаем гостя.
00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:50,780 Прошу вас внимательно выслушать Киплинга.
00:00:51,670 --> 00:00:53,420 Благодарю, сэр. Всем привет!
00:00:53,450 --> 00:00:54,480 Меня зовут Киплинг.
00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:56,190 Я из «Будущих Верных Скаутов».
00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:59,680 Пришёл рассказать вам о том, как можно вступить в БВС.
00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:01,380 Это чел или баба?
00:01:01,850 --> 00:01:02,480 Заткнись.
00:01:02,580 --> 00:01:06,150 Уверен, кто-то из вас был скаутом. БВС — это следующая ступень.
00:01:06,180 --> 00:01:07,920 Для пятых и шестых классов.
00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:10,180 - Пацаны, это чел или баба? - Это баба.
00:01:10,190 --> 00:01:12,360 - Да не, это чувак, бро. - Точно пацан.
00:01:12,390 --> 00:01:13,240 ...присоединиться.
00:01:13,340 --> 00:01:17,230 Знаю, о чём вы думаете: «БВС же только для мальчиков!»
00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:21,500 Но теперь они берут и девочек. Я вот например, как... БВС,
00:01:21,510 --> 00:01:25,240 могу сказать, что в нашем сообществе хорошо всем.
00:01:28,710 --> 00:01:31,550 Хз, я процентов на шестьдесят уверен, что это чел.
00:01:31,890 --> 00:01:34,040 Я ставлю, что девчонка. Какие ставки?
00:01:34,460 --> 00:01:38,020 Сорок учеников ставят: 55% на то, что БВС чел.
00:01:38,270 --> 00:01:40,580 Я выиграю только пять баксов со ставки в два?
00:01:40,650 --> 00:01:41,960 Вы о чём вообще?
00:01:42,070 --> 00:01:45,260 Приложуха такая есть, онлайн P2P-ставки.
00:01:45,470 --> 00:01:46,760 Типа соцсеть для ставок.
00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:49,220 Делаешь любую ставку, и её принимают.
00:01:49,380 --> 00:01:49,900 Реально?
00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:51,120 Крутая тема, чел.
00:01:51,250 --> 00:01:53,140 На всё подряд ставят, про школу тоже.
00:01:53,210 --> 00:01:55,380 «Победят ли девчонки в футбол в пятницу?»
00:01:55,530 --> 00:01:56,790 «Пойдёт ли скоро снег?»
00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:59,540 «Ударит ли мать Кайла по Газе и уничтожит больницу?»
00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:01,290 «Попадут ли в школе драники?»
00:02:01,310 --> 00:02:02,340 Стоп, чё там было?!
00:02:02,540 --> 00:02:04,360 Попадут ли в школе драники.
00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:05,730 Блин, про мою маму!
00:02:06,690 --> 00:02:09,640 Ударит ли мать Кайла по Газе и уничтожит палестинскую больницу.
00:02:09,690 --> 00:02:12,120 С хера моей маме бить по палестинской больнице?!
00:02:12,590 --> 00:02:14,300 Потому что она еврейка.
00:02:15,390 --> 00:02:17,040 Мальчики, уберите их.
00:02:17,110 --> 00:02:19,760 Вы знаете правила — никаких телефонов во время учёбы.
00:02:19,870 --> 00:02:21,120 Прости, Иисус!
00:02:22,670 --> 00:02:24,040 Никаких телефонов!
00:02:25,460 --> 00:02:27,560 Быстро убери эту хрень, жирдяй!
00:02:27,750 --> 00:02:28,980 Это не я сделал, Кайл.
00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:32,800 Я даже не участвую: кэф девять к одному, что твоя мать не ударит, — отстой.
00:02:32,950 --> 00:02:34,180 Это же полная дичь!
00:02:34,250 --> 00:02:37,660 Я выясню, кто сделал ставку и прорву ему второе очко!
00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:41,800 Упоминаешь при еврее Газу, и он взрывается.
00:02:42,070 --> 00:02:43,700 А может кэф и ничего.
00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:49,910 Вы смотрите Fox News!
00:02:50,410 --> 00:02:52,530 Приложения прогнозирования рынка —
00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:57,200 спорные онлайн ставки, которые нашли дыру в законе об азартных играх.
00:02:57,290 --> 00:03:00,140 Конечно, самая популярная ставка в них:
00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:04,040 кто родится у Президента Трампа и Сатаны — мальчик или девочка?
00:03:04,470 --> 00:03:07,660 Да уж, в этих приложениях творится чистое безумие.
00:03:07,790 --> 00:03:11,480 В Kalshi 54% ставят на мальчика.
00:03:11,590 --> 00:03:17,640 А на Polymarket почти 60% ставят на то, что демонический задёныш будет девочкой.
00:03:27,530 --> 00:03:30,920 Здрасьте, босс. Ещё один подарочек ребёнку.
00:03:31,850 --> 00:03:33,900 Ещё один подарок ребёнку?
00:03:34,010 --> 00:03:35,140 А мне подарок?!
00:03:35,650 --> 00:03:37,980 Все так рады вашему ребёнку, босс!
00:03:38,290 --> 00:03:41,140 Наверное, вы тоже очень рады!
00:03:41,430 --> 00:03:43,080 Ага, ну да, очень рад.
00:03:43,300 --> 00:03:46,420 Только вот ваша жизнь полностью поменяется.
00:03:47,890 --> 00:03:48,680 В смысле?
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:50,840 Ну, когда ребёночек родится,
00:03:50,970 --> 00:03:53,300 нужно будет уделять ему всё ваше время.
00:03:54,350 --> 00:03:56,940 Никаких больше банкетов в Розовом саду.
00:03:57,000 --> 00:04:00,560 Никаких бейсбольных матчей, никаких путешествий.
00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:03,160 И никаких вечеринок до утра в Мар-а-Лаго.
00:04:11,020 --> 00:04:12,780 Приветики, Сатана!
00:04:13,310 --> 00:04:16,120 Хочешь запрыгнуть в джакузи и выкурить сигаретку?
00:04:16,280 --> 00:04:19,380 Джакузи и сигареты очень вредны для малыша.
00:04:19,590 --> 00:04:21,210 Я знаю, всё равно пошли!
00:04:21,550 --> 00:04:24,160 Ты что, хочешь избавиться от ребёнка?
00:04:24,350 --> 00:04:27,580 Вряд ли твои поклонники обрадуются, если мы сделаем аборт.
00:04:28,820 --> 00:04:30,760 Да расслабься, парень!
00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:32,720 Не хочу я от него избавляться.
00:04:32,850 --> 00:04:34,740 Хорошо, потому что этому не бывать.
00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:35,980 Круто!
00:04:42,050 --> 00:04:42,680 Джимми!
00:04:43,130 --> 00:04:43,800 Привет, Кайл.
00:04:44,010 --> 00:04:45,300 Это что за хрень?
00:04:45,630 --> 00:04:47,460 Приложение прогнозов рынка.
00:04:47,660 --> 00:04:51,120 Ты поставил, на то, что моя мама будет бомбить Газу?!
00:04:51,510 --> 00:04:52,780 Ну да, поставил чутка.
00:04:52,850 --> 00:04:56,420 Это маловероятно, но я предпочитаю ставить на лонгшоты.
00:04:56,800 --> 00:05:00,460 Нахера ставить на такое?! Вопрос Израиля и Газы — серьёзное дело!
00:05:00,670 --> 00:05:04,480 Знаю, Кайл. Я вчера пошутил про Газу на созвоне, и никто не смеялся.
00:05:04,770 --> 00:05:06,740 Видимо, никому это не смешно.
00:05:08,570 --> 00:05:10,160 Чудесная была публика.
00:05:10,730 --> 00:05:13,130 Вы охренели? Вы знаете вообще, где Газа?
00:05:13,290 --> 00:05:15,220 Вы думаете только о паре баксов?!
00:05:15,350 --> 00:05:18,940 Знаете, что сделает моя мама, если узнает? С катушек слетит!
00:05:19,050 --> 00:05:21,320 В Израиле конфликты уже тысячи лет!
00:05:21,390 --> 00:05:24,760 Евреи и палестинцы не футбольные команды, на которые можно ставить!
00:05:24,870 --> 00:05:27,840 - Народ, телефоны! - Прости, Иисус!
00:05:28,550 --> 00:05:32,300 Если ты думаешь, что так нельзя, просто обратись в компанию.
00:05:32,410 --> 00:05:33,140 А можно?
00:05:33,210 --> 00:05:36,620 Конечно. Эти приложухи — не проходная пустышка.
00:05:36,730 --> 00:05:39,940 Ими управляют настоящие стратегические консультанты.
00:05:41,260 --> 00:05:46,300 СТРАТЕГИЧЕСКИЙ КОНСУЛЬТАНТ ПРОГНОЗИРОВАНИЯ РЫНКА
00:05:55,510 --> 00:05:56,170 Алло?
00:05:57,280 --> 00:06:00,730 Это «стратегический консультант прогнозирования рынка»?
00:06:02,030 --> 00:06:03,600 Да, всё верно.
00:06:04,390 --> 00:06:09,040 В одном из ваших приложений оскорбительная ставка, её надо удалить!
00:06:11,690 --> 00:06:16,600 Все ставки у нас регулирует КТТФ. Обратитесь лучше туда.
00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:18,560 Что за КТТФ?
00:06:19,130 --> 00:06:22,360 Это Комиссия по торговле товарными фьючерсами.
00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:23,870 Это госорганизация.
00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:26,930 Они одобряют ставки и разбираются с разночтениями.
00:06:27,620 --> 00:06:29,520 Ладно! Позвоню в КТТФ.
00:06:29,590 --> 00:06:30,640 Какой тупизм.
00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:32,840 Комиссия по торговле... Нашёл!
00:06:32,870 --> 00:06:34,510 ПОЗВОНИТЬ НАМ
00:06:37,490 --> 00:06:40,360 КОМИССИЯ ПО ТОРГОВЛЕ ТОВАРНЫМИ ФЬЮЧЕРСАМИ
00:06:41,940 --> 00:06:42,610 Алло?
00:06:44,410 --> 00:06:47,780 У вас в приложении оскорбительная для евреев ставка.
00:06:48,130 --> 00:06:53,740 Да, понимаю, ситуация ужасная. Касаемо оскорблений лучше обратиться в ФКС.
00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:55,440 В ФКС?
00:06:55,620 --> 00:06:59,500 Да, они теперь занимаются такими штуками. Я вас соединю.
00:07:00,060 --> 00:07:02,540 ФЕДЕРАЛЬНАЯ КОМИССИЯ ПО СВЯЗИ
00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:06,140 БРЕНДАН КАРР
00:07:10,020 --> 00:07:10,930 Алло?
00:07:12,270 --> 00:07:13,890 Да это же один чёртов мужик!
00:07:14,270 --> 00:07:14,940 Кто это?
00:07:15,110 --> 00:07:20,400 Ну как бы в приложении, которое типа регулирует правительство, оскорбительная ставка.
00:07:20,450 --> 00:07:22,360 А я как бы стратегический консультант.
00:07:22,430 --> 00:07:24,120 Оскорбительное приложение?
00:07:24,190 --> 00:07:26,440 Я обращусь напрямую к Президенту!
00:07:44,150 --> 00:07:45,390 Эй, Сатана!
00:07:48,030 --> 00:07:49,540 Эй, Сатана!
00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:51,420 Спустись-ка вниз?
00:07:54,370 --> 00:07:55,400 Чего тебе?
00:07:55,910 --> 00:07:57,680 Просто спустись ко мне.
00:07:58,060 --> 00:07:58,930 И зачем?
00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:00,460 На минуточку!
00:08:00,940 --> 00:08:03,360 Вот вы где, господин Президент! Есть разговор.
00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:05,280 Нет, нет, нет, Брендан Карр! Нет!
00:08:11,980 --> 00:08:14,460 У мужика из ФКС хилые лодыжки!
00:08:21,860 --> 00:08:22,760 Пацаны! Пацаны!
00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:25,040 Видали чё в приложухе?
00:08:25,270 --> 00:08:25,780 Нет.
00:08:25,910 --> 00:08:29,780 С тех пора как Кайл выбесился, кэф у ставки про его мамку вырос!
00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:31,560 - Серьёзно? - На, зацени!
00:08:31,690 --> 00:08:34,140 17% за то, что она это сделает.
00:08:34,190 --> 00:08:35,820 Надо нам тоже ставить.
00:08:36,110 --> 00:08:38,350 Мама Кайла не будет бомбить Газу.
00:08:38,450 --> 00:08:40,440 Вот именно, мы-то это знаем.
00:08:40,580 --> 00:08:44,140 Мы можем влиять на Кайла, чтобы кэф ещё больше вырос.
00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:47,280 Называется конфликт интересов, лёгкие деньги!
00:08:47,470 --> 00:08:48,440 Это ж незаконно.
00:08:48,550 --> 00:08:51,100 Да! Надо просто продолжать злить Кайла
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:55,160 и пороть антисемитскую херню про его мамку. И кэф вырастет ещё!
00:08:55,810 --> 00:08:56,590 О чём говорите?
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:59,700 Да о том, какой это бред, что все достают евреев.
00:09:00,010 --> 00:09:02,090 - Ты думаешь, это бред? - Да, Кайл.
00:09:02,380 --> 00:09:05,500 Почему вообще дали такую ставку сделать? Оскорбительно.
00:09:05,710 --> 00:09:07,440 Да, я то же самое думаю!
00:09:07,690 --> 00:09:08,990 Чувак, лучше забей.
00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:10,520 Слышал его? «Забей»!
00:09:10,570 --> 00:09:13,920 Просит тебя забить на кризис, который ему не понять.
00:09:14,090 --> 00:09:15,600 Да! Именно!
00:09:15,700 --> 00:09:16,790 Не сдавайся, Кайл.
00:09:16,870 --> 00:09:19,100 Не круто, что люди думают так про твою маму.
00:09:19,220 --> 00:09:21,890 Если ты ей не поможешь, то кто тогда?
00:09:25,890 --> 00:09:27,480 Слыхали про маму Кайла?
00:09:28,910 --> 00:09:31,820 Чёрт, как же эта сука ненавидит Палестину.
00:09:32,650 --> 00:09:35,760 Был бы я палестинской больницей, я бы трясся.
00:09:35,930 --> 00:09:37,580 Ну, рад был поболтать.
00:09:37,850 --> 00:09:40,480 Пацаны, слыхали чё мама Кайла творит?
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:47,170 КАФЕ «МОНЕ»
00:09:47,730 --> 00:09:52,200 Боже мой, у детей каких только приложений сейчас нет!
00:09:52,790 --> 00:09:54,540 За ними уже не уследишь!
00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:58,340 Кайл мне каждый день показывает какое-то новое приложение.
00:09:58,420 --> 00:10:00,640 Я говорю: «Они же стоят денег, Кайл.
00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:03,760 Потом они берут ещё и ещё. Где столько денег взять?»
00:10:03,810 --> 00:10:07,710 Знаете, было бы здорово, если бы можно было через них зарабатывать.
00:10:08,130 --> 00:10:10,100 Да, было бы просто супер!
00:10:10,570 --> 00:10:12,580 Ага, замечательно просто.
00:10:13,770 --> 00:10:19,080 Кстати, Шейла, что ты думаешь о том, что сейчас происходит в Газе?
00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:23,420 Чего?
00:10:23,500 --> 00:10:26,780 Ну да, нам очень интересны твои ощущения.
00:10:26,970 --> 00:10:28,820 Как сильно тебя это злит?
00:10:30,090 --> 00:10:33,920 Я думаю, это настоящий ужас! Столько людей погибает!
00:10:34,090 --> 00:10:34,990 Да-да!
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:38,580 А ты как думаешь, ты будешь что-то с этим делать?
00:10:39,030 --> 00:10:40,480 А что я могу сделать?
00:10:40,630 --> 00:10:44,580 Наверное, ничего, да? Ничего не будешь делать.
00:10:44,650 --> 00:10:49,780 Хочешь сказать, что евреи в Америке просто обязаны что-то с этим сделать да?
00:10:50,790 --> 00:10:53,060 Хочешь мою религию грязью полить?
00:10:53,130 --> 00:10:54,280 Шейла, успокойся.
00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:58,310 Это не евреи против Палестины, а Израиль против Палестины!
00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:00,250 Опять началось про Палестину.
00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:05,760 Если бы вы книги читали, а не голливудских актёров слушали, то знали бы разницу!
00:11:09,050 --> 00:11:10,300 И на что вы ставите?
00:11:10,450 --> 00:11:14,120 Эта ставка конечно полный бред, но она сильно взбесилась.
00:11:14,250 --> 00:11:17,040 Поставим на то, что ничего не будет, много не поднимем.
00:11:17,130 --> 00:11:20,560 Да, давайте ставить на маловероятное, так веселее.
00:11:20,620 --> 00:11:21,360 - Да! - Да!
00:11:25,900 --> 00:11:29,140 КУХНЯ БЕЛОГО ДОМА
00:11:41,050 --> 00:11:43,620 «ПРОСТОЙ ПЛАН Б» ЭКСТРЕННАЯ КОНТРАЦЕПЦИЯ
00:11:57,870 --> 00:11:59,690 Приветики, Сатана!
00:12:02,570 --> 00:12:03,990 Я сварил тебе супчик!
00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:07,680 Я не люблю морковку.
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,210 Расслабься, парень!
00:12:12,420 --> 00:12:13,640 Морковка полезная.
00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:15,590 Да не хочу я морковку!
00:12:16,030 --> 00:12:18,340 Я заказал чизкейк на DoorDash.
00:12:18,660 --> 00:12:21,120 Господин Президент, нам нужно поговорить.
00:12:21,130 --> 00:12:23,780 Не сейчас, Брендан Карр. Сатана не ест морковь!
00:12:23,850 --> 00:12:27,560 Зря, Сатана, ты же теперь ешь за двоих. Морковь полезная, да.
00:12:27,730 --> 00:12:29,820 Нет, Брендан Карр, не ешь!
00:12:30,190 --> 00:12:32,600 Ого, это самый вкусный суп в моей...
00:12:34,490 --> 00:12:35,220 Боже мой!
00:12:49,930 --> 00:12:51,760 Морковь, наверно, из Erewhon.
00:12:55,910 --> 00:12:58,840 Везде, где я была сегодня, одно и то же!
00:12:59,010 --> 00:13:01,280 «Что ты будешь делать с Газой?»
00:13:01,450 --> 00:13:05,400 Как будто евреи в Америке имеют хоть какое-то влияние на Израиль!
00:13:05,510 --> 00:13:08,700 С чего все начали нас спрашивать про политику?
00:13:09,100 --> 00:13:12,460 Вот тебя спрашивали твоё мнение о Газе, Джеральд?
00:13:12,710 --> 00:13:16,060 Нет, почему-то все спрашивали, что ты об этом думаешь.
00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:18,840 Видите?! Это чистой воды антисемитизм!
00:13:18,950 --> 00:13:24,020 Как меня все достали вопросами про Палестину или про ХАМАС!
00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:29,040 Они судят обо мне, исходя из того, что длится веками, и о чем неевреи ни черта не знают!
00:13:29,150 --> 00:13:31,320 Раз они думают, что мы обязаны что-то сделать...
00:13:31,350 --> 00:13:33,100 - Прекрати! - Дождутся, я сделаю!
00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:36,780 Мне кажется, что нам, евреям, пока лучше не светиться.
00:13:37,330 --> 00:13:40,000 Вот! Теперь и мой сын решил смириться!
00:13:40,140 --> 00:13:43,500 В этом еврейском доме терпеть такое больше не будут!
00:13:43,570 --> 00:13:45,560 Ма, прошу, только не делай хуже!
00:13:45,630 --> 00:13:48,440 Хуже?! Скажи, куда же ещё хуже?!
00:13:48,650 --> 00:13:54,580 Я узнаю, откуда это всё началось, и выскажу им своё мнение, мало не покажется!
00:13:56,090 --> 00:13:57,000 Нет, мам!
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,300 ДЛЯ МАЛЫША
00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:06,740 Смотрите, босс! Ещё один подарок для малыша!
00:14:08,310 --> 00:14:10,520 Опять ребёнку подарок? Класс!
00:14:11,060 --> 00:14:12,480 Какая прелесть, босс!
00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:16,720 Только осторожно, коты могут быть опасны для беременных.
00:14:18,310 --> 00:14:19,760 Опасны для беременных?
00:14:19,870 --> 00:14:23,540 Ну да, босс. Есть такой паразит, токсоплазма.
00:14:23,620 --> 00:14:27,760 Люди могут им заразиться от кошек. Он вызывает осложнения беременности.
00:14:27,790 --> 00:14:28,650 ПРИЧИНА ТОКСОПЛАЗМОЗА: КОШАЧЬИ ФЕКАЛИИ
00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:31,290 Токсоплазмоз?
00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:57,980 Эй, Сатана!
00:15:00,790 --> 00:15:03,240 Сатана, иди сюда и посмотри. Так здорово!
00:15:05,050 --> 00:15:05,680 Что?
00:15:07,310 --> 00:15:09,060 Я думал, ты спишь в комнате!
00:15:09,310 --> 00:15:11,560 Нет, я ходил делать УЗИ.
00:15:11,610 --> 00:15:13,480 Невероятно, ты даже не появился!
00:15:13,540 --> 00:15:16,220 У меня чувство, что тебе плевать на ребёнка!
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:20,520 Расслабься, парень, конечно мне не плевать на ребёнка!
00:15:20,890 --> 00:15:22,500 Господин Президент, мне лучше...
00:15:22,550 --> 00:15:24,800 О, нет! Хренов Брендан Карр!
00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:39,860 НАЧАЛЬНАЯ ШКОЛА САУС ПАРКА
00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:44,400 Пацаны! Пацаны, получилось.
00:15:44,730 --> 00:15:45,460 О чём ты?
00:15:45,590 --> 00:15:49,900 Я столько наболтал про евреев, что кэф поднялся до девяносто пяти!
00:15:50,020 --> 00:15:50,760 Охренеть!
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:52,120 Ага, зацените.
00:15:52,170 --> 00:15:55,460 Поставил тысячу четыреста вчера и зафиксировал.
00:15:55,570 --> 00:15:56,880 Где ты деньги взял?
00:15:57,170 --> 00:16:01,580 Взял мамину карту, внёс данные в приложение и поставил все деньги.
00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:02,470 Круто.
00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:04,020 Она же разозлится.
00:16:04,370 --> 00:16:07,320 Да нифига, я ж подниму четырнадцать штук!
00:16:07,390 --> 00:16:10,760 Вложение супернадёжное. Что может пойти не так?
00:16:10,810 --> 00:16:12,480 Эй, народ! Народ!
00:16:12,740 --> 00:16:14,180 Вы новости смотрели?
00:16:14,300 --> 00:16:15,880 Мама Кайла в Израиле!
00:16:17,850 --> 00:16:20,390 - Реально? Обалдеть! - Я только что поставил!
00:16:29,370 --> 00:16:30,440 АЛЬ-ДЖАЗИРА
00:16:30,950 --> 00:16:39,360 (Говорит на арабском)
00:16:41,290 --> 00:16:42,880 Чел, твоя мать в Израиле!
00:16:43,140 --> 00:16:44,180 Я знаю.
00:16:44,310 --> 00:16:46,560 Так позвони и угомони свою мать!
00:16:46,670 --> 00:16:49,270 Я уже пытался, у неё там нет связи.
00:16:49,410 --> 00:16:51,350 Кайл, не время давать слабину!
00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:54,580 Что бы она не задумала, это только подогреет антисемитизм!
00:16:56,310 --> 00:16:57,360 Да, ты прав.
00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:58,620 Я охренеть как прав!
00:16:58,780 --> 00:17:01,280 Тебе надо опередить маму и успокоить её!
00:17:01,370 --> 00:17:03,200 Звони в Израильское правительство!
00:17:03,260 --> 00:17:04,900 И как я туда позвоню?
00:17:05,010 --> 00:17:07,020 Звони послу, звони в посольство!
00:17:07,230 --> 00:17:09,680 Любому, кто работает на Израиль!
00:17:10,450 --> 00:17:15,000 СПЕЦИАЛЬНЫЙ КОНСУЛЬТАНТ ИЗРАИЛЯ
00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:16,530 Алло.
00:17:17,390 --> 00:17:19,040 Да вы нафиг издеваетесь!
00:17:19,130 --> 00:17:19,570 Чё?
00:17:19,710 --> 00:17:22,330 Это стратегический консультант этих приложений!
00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:23,620 Пусть ставку удалит!
00:17:23,750 --> 00:17:24,300 Чё?
00:17:24,570 --> 00:17:25,600 Заставь его, Кайл.
00:17:25,650 --> 00:17:27,940 Она антисемитская, борись за свои права!
00:17:29,210 --> 00:17:32,570 Я уже звонил по поводу оскорбительной ставки. Уберите её быстро!
00:17:32,650 --> 00:17:33,400 Вот так!
00:17:33,770 --> 00:17:38,100 Точно, ваша жалоба уже обрабатывается главой ФКС.
00:17:38,230 --> 00:17:41,040 Хер ли глава ФКС делает? Чем он занят?
00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:43,980 БОЛЬНИЦА ВАШИНГТОНА, ОКРУГ КОЛУМБИЯ
00:17:49,100 --> 00:17:51,600 Мистер Карр! Мистер Карр, вы меня слышите?
00:17:54,090 --> 00:17:56,880 Мы верно понимаем, вы глава ФКС?
00:17:59,710 --> 00:18:05,320 Мне очень жаль, но у вас токсоплазмоз из-за контакта с кошачьим помётом.
00:18:08,010 --> 00:18:10,140 Вам нужно отдыхать, не шевелитесь.
00:18:12,330 --> 00:18:15,140 Скажите, глава ФКС поправится, доктор?
00:18:15,990 --> 00:18:19,160 Его кости срастаются, диапазон движений придёт в норму.
00:18:19,270 --> 00:18:23,420 Но, если токсоплазмоз доберётся до его мозга,
00:18:23,730 --> 00:18:26,080 боюсь, он потеряет свободу слова.
00:18:26,490 --> 00:18:28,630 О, нет!
00:18:29,180 --> 00:18:30,760 Мы сделаем всё возможное.
00:18:39,190 --> 00:18:43,160 Мистер Карр, почему вы срываете мои планы?
00:18:44,650 --> 00:18:48,620 Я так старался убедить босса избавиться от ребёнка.
00:18:50,590 --> 00:18:52,780 Я следующий в очереди на президентство.
00:18:53,150 --> 00:18:55,060 Этот ребёнок не должен родиться.
00:18:55,320 --> 00:19:00,860 Если вы продолжите вмешиваться, я сделаю вашу жизнь очень трудной.
00:19:04,260 --> 00:19:09,040 Мы можем сделать всё по-хорошему, а можем по-плохому.
00:19:22,810 --> 00:19:23,900 Алло?
00:19:24,310 --> 00:19:28,500 Попали ли Вы в кабинет Президента? Да, всё верно.
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:33,340 У меня тут молодой человек говорит, что одна ставка оскорбляет евреев.
00:19:33,570 --> 00:19:35,180 Да уж, дело плохо.
00:19:35,390 --> 00:19:37,040 Да, очень-очень плохо.
00:19:37,130 --> 00:19:40,300 Президента нет на месте, но я специальный консультант.
00:19:40,410 --> 00:19:42,620 Думаю, что смогу убрать эту ставку.
00:19:43,170 --> 00:19:45,310 Я тоже специальный консультант.
00:19:45,330 --> 00:19:46,940 Да неужели? Как здорово!
00:19:46,980 --> 00:19:49,100 Отправите мне на почту эту ставку?
00:19:49,350 --> 00:19:50,850 Да, я уже отправляю.
00:19:50,950 --> 00:19:52,170 Да, всё, увидел.
00:19:52,220 --> 00:19:54,394 Осталось получить одобрение компании,
00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:57,780 которая финансирует приложение, раз деньги надо вернуть.
00:19:57,790 --> 00:20:00,400 Спасибо вам, я проинформирую евреев.
00:20:00,450 --> 00:20:03,740 НАЧАЛЬНАЯ ШКОЛА САУС ПАРКА
00:20:05,110 --> 00:20:06,560 Что за фигня?
00:20:07,230 --> 00:20:08,520 Они её удалили!
00:20:10,300 --> 00:20:12,860 Мы бы выиграли, а они вернули ставки!
00:20:13,190 --> 00:20:15,080 Как компания могла так поступить?
00:20:15,130 --> 00:20:18,420 Кэф был девять к одному! Хрень полная!
00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:20,520 Эти приложухи — чистый обман!
00:20:21,180 --> 00:20:23,860 Народ! Ради всего святого!
00:20:27,250 --> 00:20:30,320 Картман, хочу сказать тебе... спасибо.
00:20:31,070 --> 00:20:35,800 Звучит как бред, но всем остальным было плевать на мои чувства, кроме тебя.
00:20:36,130 --> 00:20:37,660 Я всё понимаю, Кайл.
00:20:37,870 --> 00:20:39,920 Я очень рад, что ставку удалили.
00:20:40,150 --> 00:20:43,120 Нечего этим мразям на твоей маме зарабатывать.
00:20:43,510 --> 00:20:45,980 Только они бы всё равно проиграли.
00:20:47,870 --> 00:20:49,900 В смысле, они бы проиграли?
00:20:50,090 --> 00:20:52,520 Я знаю, зачем мама поехала в Израиль.
00:20:53,870 --> 00:20:55,820 Не бомбить палестинскую больницу?
00:20:55,920 --> 00:21:01,260 Нет, она хотела узнать, кто всё это начал, и высказать им своё мнение.
00:21:11,590 --> 00:21:13,800 Не смейте так со мной разговаривать!
00:21:13,910 --> 00:21:18,200 Я ужасно зла и я не уйду отсюда, пока меня не выслушают!
00:21:19,190 --> 00:21:22,220 Ах, вот вы где, господин Нетаньяху!
00:21:22,750 --> 00:21:24,410 Кем это вы себя возомнили?
00:21:24,630 --> 00:21:26,980 Убиваете тысячи, уничтожаете целые районы!
00:21:27,020 --> 00:21:31,180 А потом прикрываетесь иудаизмом, как будто это щит от критики!
00:21:31,220 --> 00:21:35,750 Из-за вас жизнь евреев стала невыносимой, а быть евреем в Америке стало невозможно!
00:21:36,390 --> 00:21:38,620 И нечего глаза на меня выкатывать!
00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:42,180 Я знаю, чего вы добиваетесь, вы это всё специально!
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:46,430 Ага, устройтесь в кресле поудобней, я никуда не уйду, сволочь!
00:21:46,500 --> 00:21:50,868 Я не пропустила ни одного собрания родительского комитета или школьного совета!
00:21:50,870 --> 00:21:51,970 Я могу так весь день!
00:21:54,070 --> 00:21:59,100 Переведено студией HDrezka Studio.

00:00:01,827 --> 00:00:03,829 <i>♪ MTV</i>
00:00:12,316 --> 00:00:13,490 <i>♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:13,491 --> 00:00:15,449 <i>♪ Gonna have myself a time</i>
00:00:15,450 --> 00:00:16,929 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:17,060 --> 00:00:18,844 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:18,931 --> 00:00:20,063 <i>♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:20,150 --> 00:00:21,933 <i>♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪</i>
00:00:21,934 --> 00:00:23,719 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:23,849 --> 00:00:25,503 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor" ♪
00:00:25,634 --> 00:00:26,722 <i>♪ I'm headin' on down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:26,852 --> 00:00:28,854 <i>♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪</i>
00:00:32,119 --> 00:00:33,336 <i>♪ Come on down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:33,337 --> 00:00:35,165 <i>♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪</i>
00:00:42,303 --> 00:00:44,957 OK, kids, let's take our seats.
00:00:45,088 --> 00:00:47,873 Before we get started, we have a guest speaker today.
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:51,529 Please give your undivided attention to Kipling.
00:00:51,660 --> 00:00:53,530 Thank you, sir. Hey. What's up, guys?
00:00:53,531 --> 00:00:54,663 My name's Kipling.
00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:56,403 I'm with the Webelos of America.
00:00:56,404 --> 00:00:58,580 I want to talk you guys about the exciting opportunity
00:00:58,710 --> 00:01:00,364 to join the Webelos.
00:01:00,495 --> 00:01:02,671 - Is that a chick or a dude? - Shut up.
00:01:02,758 --> 00:01:04,280 I'm sure some of you were in Scouts before.
00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:06,240 Webelos are an extension of Scouts,
00:01:06,370 --> 00:01:08,111 specifically for fifth and sixth graders.
00:01:08,198 --> 00:01:09,546 You guys, is that a chick or a dude?
00:01:09,547 --> 00:01:11,767 - It's a chick. - Nah, that's a dude, bro.
00:01:11,897 --> 00:01:13,550 ...part of it as well.
00:01:13,551 --> 00:01:15,336 Now, I know what y'all might be thinking--
00:01:15,466 --> 00:01:17,338 Webelos used to be only for boys.
00:01:17,468 --> 00:01:19,166 Well, now they also allow girls,
00:01:19,296 --> 00:01:21,732 and I myself, as a...
00:01:21,733 --> 00:01:23,387 Webelo, can tell you
00:01:23,518 --> 00:01:26,260 it's a great organization for everyone.
00:01:28,914 --> 00:01:30,567 I don't know, guys, I'm like 60% sure
00:01:30,568 --> 00:01:31,787 that was a fucking dude.
00:01:31,917 --> 00:01:33,354 I'm definitely betting it's a chick.
00:01:33,484 --> 00:01:34,616 What are the odds at?
00:01:34,746 --> 00:01:36,052 Looks like about 40 kids betting now,
00:01:36,183 --> 00:01:38,489 55% saying the Webelo is a dude.
00:01:38,620 --> 00:01:40,622 So I'd only win, like, five bucks on a $2 bet?
00:01:40,752 --> 00:01:42,014 What are you guys talking about?
00:01:42,145 --> 00:01:43,580 Prediction market app, dude.
00:01:43,581 --> 00:01:45,496 You know, online peer to peer betting.
00:01:45,583 --> 00:01:46,802 Yeah, it's social platform betting.
00:01:46,932 --> 00:01:48,019 People can make any bet they want,
00:01:48,020 --> 00:01:49,325 and then other users take them up on it.
00:01:49,326 --> 00:01:51,414 - Really? - Yeah, it's pretty sweet, dude.
00:01:51,415 --> 00:01:53,243 People bet on anything, even stuff here at the school.
00:01:53,374 --> 00:01:55,506 See? Will the girls' soccer team win on Friday?
00:01:55,593 --> 00:01:56,811 Will there be a snow day this month?
00:01:56,812 --> 00:01:58,247 Will Kyle's mom strike Gaza
00:01:58,248 --> 00:01:59,641 and destroy a Palestinian hospital?
00:01:59,771 --> 00:02:01,337 Will school lunch have tater tots next week?
00:02:01,338 --> 00:02:02,731 Wait, what was that?
00:02:02,818 --> 00:02:04,515 Will school lunch have tater tots next week?
00:02:04,602 --> 00:02:06,821 - No, the one about my mom! - Oh. Uh...
00:02:06,822 --> 00:02:08,302 Will Kyle's mom strike Gaza
00:02:08,432 --> 00:02:09,868 and destroy a Palestinian hospital?
00:02:09,999 --> 00:02:12,436 Why the hell would my mom destroy a Palestinian hospital?
00:02:12,567 --> 00:02:15,309 'Cause she's a Jew?
00:02:15,396 --> 00:02:17,267 Boys, put 'em away.
00:02:17,398 --> 00:02:19,790 You know the rules--no cell phones during school time.
00:02:19,791 --> 00:02:21,184 Sorry, Jesus.
00:02:22,620 --> 00:02:24,231 No phones, guys!
00:02:25,623 --> 00:02:27,842 Take that bet down right now, fat ass!
00:02:27,843 --> 00:02:29,105 I didn't put it up, Kyle.
00:02:29,192 --> 00:02:30,628 I'm not even betting on it.
00:02:30,759 --> 00:02:32,977 It's 9:1 odds your mom won't do it--those are terrible odds.
00:02:32,978 --> 00:02:34,415 This is such bullshit!
00:02:34,545 --> 00:02:35,764 I'm gonna find out who started this
00:02:35,851 --> 00:02:39,027 and I'm gonna fucking rip them a new asshole!
00:02:39,028 --> 00:02:42,073 Man, you just bring up Gaza to a Jew and they flip out.
00:02:42,074 --> 00:02:44,598 Maybe these are pretty good odds.
00:02:46,862 --> 00:02:50,430 <i> You're watching Fox News!</i>
00:02:50,431 --> 00:02:52,868 They're called prediction market apps--
00:02:52,998 --> 00:02:55,435 controversial online betting that's found a loophole
00:02:55,436 --> 00:02:57,525 around normal gambling laws.
00:02:57,655 --> 00:03:00,527 And, of course, the number one trending bet on the apps:
00:03:00,528 --> 00:03:04,358 Will President Trump and Satan's baby be a boy or a girl?
00:03:04,488 --> 00:03:06,055 That's right, prediction market apps
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,838 are going crazy right now.
00:03:07,839 --> 00:03:11,582 On Kalshi, 54% are betting it's gonna be a boy,
00:03:11,669 --> 00:03:14,933 while bettors on Polymarket are at nearly 60%
00:03:15,064 --> 00:03:18,198 the demonic butt baby's gonna be a girl.
00:03:27,468 --> 00:03:28,859 Hello, boss.
00:03:28,860 --> 00:03:31,862 Another gift for the baby.
00:03:31,863 --> 00:03:33,822 Another present for the baby?
00:03:33,909 --> 00:03:35,649 What about me?
00:03:35,650 --> 00:03:38,260 Everyone is so excited for the baby, boss.
00:03:38,261 --> 00:03:41,482 You must be so excited as well.
00:03:41,612 --> 00:03:43,353 Uh, yeah, sure. Real excited.
00:03:43,484 --> 00:03:47,836 It is going to completely change your life, though.
00:03:47,923 --> 00:03:48,879 What are you talking about?
00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:50,969 Well, when the baby comes,
00:03:51,100 --> 00:03:54,363 you will have to give it all your attention.
00:03:54,364 --> 00:03:57,062 No more dinner parties in the Rose Garden.
00:03:57,149 --> 00:04:00,501 No more baseball games. No more travelling.
00:04:00,631 --> 00:04:03,634 No more long nights at Mar-a-Lago.
00:04:06,811 --> 00:04:07,856 Oh.
00:04:07,986 --> 00:04:09,336 Ooh.
00:04:10,902 --> 00:04:13,164 Hey, Satan!
00:04:13,165 --> 00:04:16,386 You wanna get in the hot tub and smoke some cigarettes?
00:04:16,517 --> 00:04:19,693 Hot tubs and cigarettes are really bad for the baby.
00:04:19,694 --> 00:04:21,609 Yeah, I know. Let's do it anyway.
00:04:21,739 --> 00:04:24,393 Wait, do you want to get rid of the baby?
00:04:24,394 --> 00:04:26,308 I don't think your followers would be very happy
00:04:26,309 --> 00:04:28,745 if we got an abortion.
00:04:28,746 --> 00:04:30,965 Hey, relax, guy!
00:04:30,966 --> 00:04:32,923 I don't want to get rid of the baby.
00:04:32,924 --> 00:04:34,709 Good, 'cause we're not going to.
00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:36,450 Great!
00:04:41,890 --> 00:04:43,021 Jimmy!
00:04:43,108 --> 00:04:44,065 Oh, hey, Kyle.
00:04:44,066 --> 00:04:45,762 What the hell is this?
00:04:45,763 --> 00:04:47,851 That's a prediction market app.
00:04:47,852 --> 00:04:51,507 I'm asking why did you bet yes that my mom would strike Gaza?
00:04:51,508 --> 00:04:52,814 Oh, yeah, I put some money on that.
00:04:52,944 --> 00:04:54,771 I know it's not very likely, but I like to bet on
00:04:54,772 --> 00:04:56,687 l-longshots.
00:04:56,774 --> 00:04:58,472 Why are you betting on it at all?
00:04:58,602 --> 00:05:00,561 Israel and Gaza is a very serious matter.
00:05:00,691 --> 00:05:02,040 Oh, I know, Kyle.
00:05:02,171 --> 00:05:03,694 I told a joke about Gaza on a Zoom meeting yesterday
00:05:03,781 --> 00:05:04,913 and nobody laughed.
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,045 I guess it's not even remotely funny.
00:05:08,525 --> 00:05:10,397 Wow. What a terrific audience.
00:05:10,527 --> 00:05:12,006 What is wrong with you people?
00:05:12,007 --> 00:05:13,660 Do you even know what Gaza is?
00:05:13,661 --> 00:05:15,489 Do you seriously just care about making a couple bucks?
00:05:15,619 --> 00:05:17,403 You know what my mom would do if she found out about this?
00:05:17,404 --> 00:05:19,144 She would absolutely lose her shit!
00:05:19,231 --> 00:05:21,582 There's been a conflict in Israel for thousands of years,
00:05:21,669 --> 00:05:23,627 and Jews and Palestinians are not football teams
00:05:23,758 --> 00:05:24,715 that you bet on.
00:05:24,802 --> 00:05:26,282 Guys, phones.
00:05:26,369 --> 00:05:28,631 all: Sorry, Jesus.
00:05:28,632 --> 00:05:30,242 Kyle, if you think the bet isn't fair,
00:05:30,373 --> 00:05:31,373 then you can just take it up with the company
00:05:31,374 --> 00:05:33,071 that manages the app. - I can?
00:05:33,158 --> 00:05:34,595 Sure thing.
00:05:34,682 --> 00:05:36,814 These apps aren't r-run of the mill, rinkydink.
00:05:36,945 --> 00:05:38,294 They're all run by highly professional
00:05:38,381 --> 00:05:41,297 strategic advisors.
00:05:55,224 --> 00:05:57,443 Hello?
00:05:57,444 --> 00:06:01,883 Yeah, is this the "Strategic Advisor for Predictive Markets?
00:06:02,013 --> 00:06:04,276 Yes, it is.
00:06:04,407 --> 00:06:05,799 Well, there's a bet on one of your apps
00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:07,017 that's incredible insensitive,
00:06:07,018 --> 00:06:09,107 and it needs to be taken down now!
00:06:10,979 --> 00:06:14,852 Oh, uh, all our bets are actually regulated by the CFTC.
00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:16,810 You need to talk to them.
00:06:16,811 --> 00:06:18,987 What's the CFTC?
00:06:19,074 --> 00:06:22,338 It's the Commodity Futures Trading Commission.
00:06:22,425 --> 00:06:24,165 It's the federal government.
00:06:24,166 --> 00:06:27,256 They have to approve all bets and deal with discrepancies.
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,605 Fine! I'll call the CFTC then.
00:06:29,606 --> 00:06:31,041 So stupid.
00:06:31,042 --> 00:06:33,001 Commodity Futures Trading Commission--here we go.
00:06:41,836 --> 00:06:44,490 Hello?
00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:46,231 Yeah, I'm calling about a prediction market bet
00:06:46,318 --> 00:06:47,929 that's offensive to Jewish people.
00:06:48,059 --> 00:06:50,453 Ooh, that sounds really bad.
00:06:50,540 --> 00:06:53,717 If it's offensive, you probably need to speak with the FCC.
00:06:53,848 --> 00:06:55,545 The FCC?
00:06:55,676 --> 00:06:57,895 Yeah, they're dealing with all the offensive stuff now.
00:06:58,026 --> 00:07:00,071 Here, let me connect you.
00:07:10,038 --> 00:07:12,126 Hello?
00:07:12,127 --> 00:07:14,084 This is the same fucking guy!
00:07:14,085 --> 00:07:16,130 - Who is it? - Uh, apparently,
00:07:16,131 --> 00:07:18,349 there's a really offensive bet on an app
00:07:18,350 --> 00:07:20,483 that the government is sort of in charge of,
00:07:20,570 --> 00:07:22,398 and I'm like the strategic advisor.
00:07:22,485 --> 00:07:24,269 An offensive government app?
00:07:24,356 --> 00:07:26,620 I better go speak with the president right away.
00:07:44,072 --> 00:07:45,856 Hey, Satan!
00:07:47,989 --> 00:07:49,947 Hey, Satan!
00:07:50,078 --> 00:07:51,906 Can you come downstairs?
00:07:54,299 --> 00:07:55,909 What do you want?
00:07:55,910 --> 00:07:57,738 Just come down the stairs real quick.
00:07:57,868 --> 00:07:59,087 For what?
00:07:59,174 --> 00:08:00,610 For just real quick.
00:08:00,741 --> 00:08:02,220 Oh, there you are, Mr. President!
00:08:02,351 --> 00:08:03,612 I need to talk to you.
00:08:03,613 --> 00:08:05,354 No, no, no, no! Brendan Carr, don't--
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:08,313 Whoa!
00:08:12,187 --> 00:08:14,885 The FCC guy must have shitty ankles.
00:08:21,762 --> 00:08:23,632 You guys! You guys!
00:08:23,633 --> 00:08:25,026 Have you checked out the betting app lately?
00:08:25,156 --> 00:08:26,810 - No. - Ever since Kyle got
00:08:26,941 --> 00:08:28,333 all pissed off, the odds are going up
00:08:28,420 --> 00:08:29,986 on his mom attacking Gaza.
00:08:29,987 --> 00:08:31,858 - No way. - Yeah, check it out!
00:08:31,859 --> 00:08:34,208 Now 17% of people are betting she's gonna do it.
00:08:34,209 --> 00:08:36,211 We gotta get in on this, guys.
00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:38,429 Dude, Kyle's mom isn't going to strike Gaza.
00:08:38,430 --> 00:08:40,519 Yes, exactly. We know that.
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,434 And we can also influence Kyle
00:08:42,565 --> 00:08:44,436 to get the odds raised even more.
00:08:44,567 --> 00:08:45,916 It's called a conflict of interest, you guys.
00:08:46,003 --> 00:08:47,221 It's a way to make free money.
00:08:47,222 --> 00:08:48,571 Isn't that illegal?
00:08:48,658 --> 00:08:50,137 Yes! All we have to do is make sure
00:08:50,138 --> 00:08:52,009 Kyle stays angry,
00:08:52,096 --> 00:08:53,794 and at the same time, go talk antisemitic shit about his mom
00:08:53,924 --> 00:08:55,403 to goose the odds up even more.
00:08:55,404 --> 00:08:57,013 What are you guys talking about?
00:08:57,014 --> 00:08:58,232 Nothing. Just talking about
00:08:58,233 --> 00:09:00,017 how messed up it is everyone hates Jews now.
00:09:00,104 --> 00:09:02,453 - You think it's messed up? - Yes, I do, Kyle.
00:09:02,454 --> 00:09:04,369 Why would an app allow a bet like that to exist?
00:09:04,456 --> 00:09:05,675 It's obvious race bait.
00:09:05,806 --> 00:09:07,808 Yeah, that's exactly how I feel!
00:09:07,895 --> 00:09:09,199 Dude, you might just want to let it go.
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:10,811 See? "Just let it go."
00:09:10,898 --> 00:09:12,551 That's how people want you to deal with a crisis
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:13,857 that they don't even understand.
00:09:13,988 --> 00:09:15,642 Yes! Thank you!
00:09:15,772 --> 00:09:17,295 You can't give up, Kyle.
00:09:17,426 --> 00:09:19,297 It's not cool people would say this stuff about your mom.
00:09:19,428 --> 00:09:21,952 And honestly, if you don't have her back, who will?
00:09:26,043 --> 00:09:29,089 Hey, have you guys heard about Kyle's mom?
00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:32,658 Man, that bitch has it out for Palestine, let me tell you.
00:09:32,659 --> 00:09:33,964 Well, I don't know, I would just hate to be
00:09:34,095 --> 00:09:36,097 a Palestinian hospital, that's all I can say.
00:09:36,227 --> 00:09:37,881 Well, anyway, good to talk to you guys.
00:09:38,012 --> 00:09:39,055 Hey, guys! Guys, have you heard about
00:09:39,056 --> 00:09:40,928 my friend Kyle's mom?
00:09:48,109 --> 00:09:50,546 Oh, my goodness, can you believe all the crazy apps
00:09:50,633 --> 00:09:52,287 our kids are on these days?
00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:54,723 Ugh! Who can keep track anymore?
00:09:54,724 --> 00:09:56,900 Kyle comes to me every day with a new app
00:09:57,031 --> 00:09:58,336 that he just has to have.
00:09:58,467 --> 00:10:00,860 I tell him, "That app costs money, Kyle.
00:10:00,861 --> 00:10:02,252 "Then it charges you money.
00:10:02,253 --> 00:10:03,863 Where you gonna get this money?"
00:10:03,864 --> 00:10:05,517 Yeah, you know what'd be nice?
00:10:05,648 --> 00:10:07,823 Is an app where you can actually make some money.
00:10:07,824 --> 00:10:08,868 Yes.
00:10:08,869 --> 00:10:10,305 That'd be great, wouldn't it?
00:10:10,435 --> 00:10:12,654 Yes, it certainly would.
00:10:13,656 --> 00:10:16,136 So, Sheila,
00:10:16,137 --> 00:10:20,358 how have you been feeling about the current situation in Gaza?
00:10:22,883 --> 00:10:24,449 - What? - Uh, yeah,
00:10:24,536 --> 00:10:27,017 just--just thought we'd sort of take your temperature.
00:10:27,104 --> 00:10:29,933 Which way are you thinking about going with that?
00:10:30,064 --> 00:10:32,022 Well, I think it's all horrible.
00:10:32,109 --> 00:10:35,199 A lot of people are dying. - Uh-huh.
00:10:35,330 --> 00:10:38,594 And do you feel like you need to do anything about it?
00:10:38,681 --> 00:10:40,726 What would I do about it?
00:10:40,727 --> 00:10:42,554 I mean, probably nothing, right?
00:10:42,685 --> 00:10:44,773 You're going to do nothing about it.
00:10:44,774 --> 00:10:47,472 Are you implying the Jews in America
00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:49,952 have some kind of obligation to do something about it?
00:10:49,953 --> 00:10:52,695 - Whoa, whoa! - You want to vilify my faith!
00:10:52,782 --> 00:10:54,349 Is that it? - Sheila, it's OK.
00:10:54,479 --> 00:10:56,481 It's not Jews versus Palestine!
00:10:56,568 --> 00:10:58,526 It's Israel versus Palestine!
00:10:58,527 --> 00:11:00,354 Here we go with the Palestinian stuff again.
00:11:00,355 --> 00:11:01,922 And maybe if you read books
00:11:02,009 --> 00:11:04,140 instead of everything Hollywood actors say,
00:11:04,141 --> 00:11:06,491 you'd know the difference!
00:11:09,146 --> 00:11:10,582 What are you putting your money on?
00:11:10,713 --> 00:11:14,412 I mean, it's a ridiculous bet, but she seems pretty pissed off.
00:11:14,543 --> 00:11:17,153 There's really no money to be made on betting she won't.
00:11:17,154 --> 00:11:18,852 Yeah, let's take the long odds.
00:11:18,939 --> 00:11:20,549 That makes these apps more fun.
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:21,505 - Yeah. - Yeah.
00:11:57,804 --> 00:12:00,589 Hey, Satan!
00:12:02,678 --> 00:12:04,375 I made you some soup!
00:12:05,986 --> 00:12:10,206 I don't like carrots.
00:12:10,207 --> 00:12:12,426 Hey, relax, guy!
00:12:12,427 --> 00:12:13,820 Carrots are good for you.
00:12:13,950 --> 00:12:16,039 I don't want carrots.
00:12:16,170 --> 00:12:18,650 I ordered cheesecake on DoorDash.
00:12:18,781 --> 00:12:21,044 Mr. President, I really need to speak with you.
00:12:21,175 --> 00:12:22,436 Not now, Brendan Carr!
00:12:22,437 --> 00:12:23,873 Satan won't eat his carrots.
00:12:24,004 --> 00:12:26,006 Oh, come on, Satan, you're eating for two now.
00:12:26,136 --> 00:12:27,746 Carrots are good for you, see?
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:30,227 Ah, Brendan Carr, don't do it!
00:12:30,358 --> 00:12:32,751 Whoa, this is the best soup ever. I--
00:12:34,536 --> 00:12:35,579 Oh, God!
00:12:36,799 --> 00:12:37,973 Whoa!
00:12:37,974 --> 00:12:39,846 Whoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo!
00:12:44,241 --> 00:12:46,417 Wow-wow-wow-wow!
00:12:50,247 --> 00:12:52,946 Those carrots must have been from Erewhon.
00:12:55,905 --> 00:12:57,601 Everywhere I went today,
00:12:57,602 --> 00:12:59,169 it was the same thing.
00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:01,475 What are <i>you</i> going to do about Gaza?
00:13:01,476 --> 00:13:03,739 Like us Jews in America have any control
00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:05,479 over what's going on in Israel.
00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:07,437 Why is everyone suddenly confronting us
00:13:07,438 --> 00:13:09,135 about the politics?
00:13:09,136 --> 00:13:12,835 Have people been asking what you think about Gaza, Gerald?
00:13:12,922 --> 00:13:14,881 No, for some reason, they were just asking
00:13:15,011 --> 00:13:17,057 what you think about it. - You see?
00:13:17,187 --> 00:13:19,362 It's just pure antisemitism!
00:13:19,363 --> 00:13:22,496 I'm so sick of being grilled about my views on Palestine
00:13:22,497 --> 00:13:24,150 and my thoughts on Hamas!
00:13:24,151 --> 00:13:26,717 And being judged for things that are centuries old
00:13:26,718 --> 00:13:29,285 and that non-Jews know nothing about!
00:13:29,286 --> 00:13:30,635 Well, if they all think we should do something--
00:13:30,722 --> 00:13:31,592 You-- stop! Then you better believe
00:13:31,593 --> 00:13:33,463 I'll do something!
00:13:33,464 --> 00:13:35,509 You know, Mom, I'm starting to think that us Jews
00:13:35,510 --> 00:13:36,903 should just lay low for a little bit.
00:13:37,033 --> 00:13:40,297 There! Now my son is complacent.
00:13:40,384 --> 00:13:42,560 This is one Jewish household that will not put up with it
00:13:42,691 --> 00:13:44,301 anymore! - Ma, please.
00:13:44,432 --> 00:13:45,563 Don't make things any worse.
00:13:45,694 --> 00:13:48,740 Worse? How can it be any worse?
00:13:48,871 --> 00:13:51,307 I'm going to find out where all this is coming from,
00:13:51,308 --> 00:13:54,659 and I'm going to give them a piece of my mind!
00:13:56,096 --> 00:13:57,880 No! Ma!
00:14:04,321 --> 00:14:06,627 Look, boss, another present for the baby!
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,937 Another present for the baby? Right!
00:14:11,067 --> 00:14:12,546 Isn't it cute, boss?
00:14:12,547 --> 00:14:14,287 We must be careful, though,
00:14:14,288 --> 00:14:17,682 cats can be very harmful to a pregnancy.
00:14:17,813 --> 00:14:19,902 Harmful to a pregnancy?
00:14:19,989 --> 00:14:23,688 Well, yes, boss, it's a parasite called toxoplasmosis.
00:14:23,775 --> 00:14:25,994 It can be transferred from cats to humans
00:14:25,995 --> 00:14:27,692 and bring about some complications.
00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:32,480 Toxoplasmosis?
00:14:55,372 --> 00:14:58,506 Hey, Satan!
00:15:00,987 --> 00:15:04,773 Hey, Satan, you gotta come see this, it's really great.
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,644 What?
00:15:06,775 --> 00:15:09,342 Ay! I thought you were napping in our room.
00:15:09,343 --> 00:15:11,779 No, I had to go get the ultrasound.
00:15:11,780 --> 00:15:13,781 I can't believe you didn't show up.
00:15:13,782 --> 00:15:16,611 It really makes me feel like you don't care about this baby.
00:15:16,741 --> 00:15:20,745 Hey, relax, guy, of course I care about the baby.
00:15:20,832 --> 00:15:22,746 Mr. President, I'm feeling much better--
00:15:22,747 --> 00:15:25,185 No! Fuck! Brendan Carr!
00:15:41,766 --> 00:15:44,594 You guys. You guys, I did it.
00:15:44,595 --> 00:15:45,857 You did what?
00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:47,597 I talked so much shit about the Jews
00:15:47,598 --> 00:15:49,991 that I got the odds on the bet up to 95%.
00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:52,255 Yeah, check it out.
00:15:52,386 --> 00:15:54,169 I put 1,400 bucks on it last night.
00:15:54,170 --> 00:15:55,605 I am locked in.
00:15:55,606 --> 00:15:57,085 Where'd you get 1,400 bucks?
00:15:57,086 --> 00:15:58,608 I just took my mom's debit card,
00:15:58,609 --> 00:16:00,002 entered all the info into the betting app,
00:16:00,089 --> 00:16:01,612 and put all the money she has on it.
00:16:03,005 --> 00:16:04,527 Isn't she gonna be pissed off?
00:16:04,528 --> 00:16:07,488 Yeah, not when I turn her 1,400 bucks into 14,000.
00:16:07,618 --> 00:16:09,229 This is the safest investment ever.
00:16:09,359 --> 00:16:10,795 Nothing can possibly go wrong.
00:16:10,882 --> 00:16:12,797 Hey, fellas. Fellas!
00:16:12,884 --> 00:16:14,234 Fellas, have you seen the news?
00:16:14,364 --> 00:16:16,018 Kyle's mom's in Israel.
00:16:17,846 --> 00:16:19,194 - Really? - Oh, wow!
00:16:19,195 --> 00:16:20,414 I just put money down!
00:16:41,261 --> 00:16:43,044 Dude, your mom's in Israel.
00:16:43,045 --> 00:16:44,307 I know.
00:16:44,438 --> 00:16:45,308 Well, you gotta call her.
00:16:45,439 --> 00:16:46,483 You gotta calm her down.
00:16:46,614 --> 00:16:48,050 I've been trying to call her.
00:16:48,137 --> 00:16:49,486 Her phone's not working over there.
00:16:49,617 --> 00:16:51,444 Kyle this is no time for weakness.
00:16:51,445 --> 00:16:52,924 Whatever your mom is doing,
00:16:53,055 --> 00:16:56,275 it is going to make kids here even more anti-Semitic.
00:16:56,276 --> 00:16:57,407 You're totally right.
00:16:57,494 --> 00:16:58,756 Damn right, I'm right!
00:16:58,887 --> 00:17:00,105 You have to get ahold of your mom
00:17:00,106 --> 00:17:01,629 and tell her to calm down, Kyle.
00:17:01,716 --> 00:17:03,325 Call the Israeli government if you have to.
00:17:03,326 --> 00:17:05,110 How do I call the Israeli government?
00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:07,287 Call a diplomat. Call an embassy.
00:17:07,374 --> 00:17:10,506 You just have to talk to someone who works for Israel.
00:17:15,599 --> 00:17:17,297 Hello.
00:17:17,427 --> 00:17:19,341 Oh, you have got to be shitting me!
00:17:19,342 --> 00:17:20,908 - What? - This is the strategic advisor
00:17:20,909 --> 00:17:22,475 for predictive market apps.
00:17:22,476 --> 00:17:23,477 Tell him to take the bet down.
00:17:23,607 --> 00:17:24,869 What?
00:17:24,956 --> 00:17:26,001 Make him take the bet down, Kyle.
00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:27,045 It is anti-Semitic, and you have to fight
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:29,309 for what you believe in.
00:17:29,396 --> 00:17:31,006 I called before about an offensive bet,
00:17:31,137 --> 00:17:32,485 and I want that bet taken down right now!
00:17:32,486 --> 00:17:33,661 That's right!
00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:35,445 Oh, yes, I believe your complaint
00:17:35,532 --> 00:17:38,187 was being reviewed by head of the FCC.
00:17:38,318 --> 00:17:39,884 Well, then what's the head of the FCC doing?
00:17:40,015 --> 00:17:41,364 Where the hell is he?
00:17:49,198 --> 00:17:52,462 Mr. Carr? Mr. Carr, can you hear me?
00:17:54,334 --> 00:17:58,076 We understand you're the head of the FCC, is that correct?
00:17:58,077 --> 00:17:59,774 Mm-hmm.
00:17:59,904 --> 00:18:01,341 All right, well, I'm very sorry,
00:18:01,428 --> 00:18:03,516 but you do appear to have toxoplasmosis
00:18:03,517 --> 00:18:06,127 from exposure to cat feces.
00:18:06,128 --> 00:18:08,216 Aww!
00:18:08,217 --> 00:18:12,395 We need you to get some rest. Try not to move.
00:18:12,526 --> 00:18:15,833 Will the head of the FCC be OK, Doctor?
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:17,139 His bones are healing,
00:18:17,226 --> 00:18:19,359 so he may regain full range of motion.
00:18:19,446 --> 00:18:23,798 But if the toxoplasmosis parasite gets to his brain...
00:18:23,928 --> 00:18:26,148 I'm afraid he may lose his freedom of speech.
00:18:26,279 --> 00:18:28,846 Oh, no!
00:18:28,977 --> 00:18:31,110 We'll do everything we can.
00:18:39,248 --> 00:18:43,557 Mr. Carr, why do you keep meddling in my plans?
00:18:43,687 --> 00:18:44,992 Huh?
00:18:44,993 --> 00:18:46,864 I've been trying to convince the boss
00:18:46,995 --> 00:18:50,606 to get rid of the baby.
00:18:50,607 --> 00:18:53,088 I am next in line to be president.
00:18:53,175 --> 00:18:55,263 That baby cannot be born.
00:18:55,264 --> 00:18:58,048 And if you continue to interfere,
00:18:58,049 --> 00:19:00,921 I will make things very difficult for you.
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:06,667 We can do this the easy way,
00:19:06,797 --> 00:19:09,190 or we can do it the hard way.
00:19:22,770 --> 00:19:24,466 Hello.
00:19:24,467 --> 00:19:27,208 Uh, yes, is this the office of the president?
00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:28,818 Yes, it is.
00:19:28,819 --> 00:19:30,691 I've got a young man who's saying one of our
00:19:30,821 --> 00:19:33,476 predictive market bets is offensive to Jews?
00:19:33,607 --> 00:19:35,434 Ooh, that sounds bad.
00:19:35,435 --> 00:19:37,132 Yeah, it sounds pretty bad.
00:19:37,263 --> 00:19:38,611 Well, the president isn't here,
00:19:38,612 --> 00:19:40,353 but I'm, like, a special advisor,
00:19:40,483 --> 00:19:42,703 so I can probably get the bet taken down.
00:19:42,833 --> 00:19:45,227 Ooh, I'm a special advisor too!
00:19:45,358 --> 00:19:46,924 Oh, really? That's great.
00:19:47,055 --> 00:19:49,187 Can you email me the bet in question?
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:50,884 Yeah, I'm emailing it now.
00:19:50,885 --> 00:19:52,277 Oh, yeah, I see it.
00:19:52,278 --> 00:19:54,584 OK, I'll need to approve with the financial company
00:19:54,715 --> 00:19:57,500 backing all the app since the bet money needs to be returned.
00:19:57,631 --> 00:20:00,416 OK, thanks, I'll let all the Jews know.
00:20:05,029 --> 00:20:07,162 What the hell?
00:20:07,249 --> 00:20:08,598 They took it down.
00:20:10,470 --> 00:20:13,168 We were all gonna win, and they took down our bets.
00:20:13,299 --> 00:20:14,952 How can the app company do that?
00:20:15,083 --> 00:20:16,692 I got in at nine-to-one odds.
00:20:16,693 --> 00:20:18,608 This is b-b-bullshit!
00:20:18,695 --> 00:20:20,522 Yeah, these apps are totally corrupt.
00:20:20,523 --> 00:20:24,265 Guys! For the love of God!
00:20:27,138 --> 00:20:30,924 Well, Cartman, I just wanna say thanks.
00:20:30,925 --> 00:20:33,318 You know, it's crazy, but nobody else here
00:20:33,319 --> 00:20:36,060 gave a crap about how I was feeling except for you.
00:20:36,147 --> 00:20:37,758 Oh, that's all right, Kyle.
00:20:37,888 --> 00:20:40,195 I'm just happy the bet got taken down.
00:20:40,326 --> 00:20:41,849 Now none of these sickos can profit
00:20:41,936 --> 00:20:43,416 off of what your mom does.
00:20:43,503 --> 00:20:44,721 Yeah, well, those people
00:20:44,852 --> 00:20:48,203 would have all lost the bet anyway.
00:20:48,334 --> 00:20:50,074 What do you mean they would have all lost the bet?
00:20:50,161 --> 00:20:53,948 Well, I know the reason my mom went Israel.
00:20:54,078 --> 00:20:56,166 It wasn't to bomb a Palestinian hospital?
00:20:56,167 --> 00:20:57,560 No, when my mom left the house,
00:20:57,691 --> 00:20:58,734 she said she was gonna find
00:20:58,735 --> 00:20:59,997 the person responsible for all this
00:21:00,128 --> 00:21:01,825 and give them a piece of her mind.
00:21:11,574 --> 00:21:12,358 You are not going
00:21:12,488 --> 00:21:13,923 to talk to me like that!
00:21:13,924 --> 00:21:15,577 I am extremely upset,
00:21:15,578 --> 00:21:19,189 and I am not leaving until I have said my piece!
00:21:19,190 --> 00:21:22,803 There you are, Mr. Netanyahu!
00:21:22,933 --> 00:21:24,761 Just who do you think you are,
00:21:24,892 --> 00:21:27,242 killing thousands and flattening neighborhoods,
00:21:27,373 --> 00:21:28,982 then wrapping yourself in Judaism
00:21:28,983 --> 00:21:31,420 like it's some shield from criticism?
00:21:31,551 --> 00:21:33,553 You're making life for Jews miserable
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:36,381 and life for American Jews impossible!
00:21:36,382 --> 00:21:38,601 Oh, don't you roll your eyes at me, mister.
00:21:38,732 --> 00:21:40,211 <i>You know what you're doing,</i>
00:21:40,342 --> 00:21:42,430 <i>and you're doing it on purpose!</i>
00:21:42,431 --> 00:21:44,215 <i>Well, now you can just sit in that chair,</i>
00:21:44,346 --> 00:21:46,479 <i>'cause I'm not going anywhere, buster!</i>
00:21:46,609 --> 00:21:48,568 <i>I've been to every PTA meeting,</i>
00:21:48,698 --> 00:21:50,177 <i>every school board meeting,</i>
00:21:50,178 --> 00:21:52,049 <i>and I can go all day!</i>

00:00:01,827 --> 00:00:03,829 <i>- ♪ MTV</i>
00:00:08,834 --> 00:00:12,186 <i>[theme music]</i>
00:00:12,316 --> 00:00:13,490 <i>- ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:13,491 --> 00:00:15,449 <i>♪ Gonna have myself a time</i>
00:00:15,450 --> 00:00:16,929 - ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:17,060 --> 00:00:18,844 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:18,931 --> 00:00:20,063 <i>- ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:20,150 --> 00:00:21,933 <i>♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪</i>
00:00:21,934 --> 00:00:23,719 - ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:23,849 --> 00:00:25,503 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor" ♪
00:00:25,634 --> 00:00:26,722 <i>- ♪ I'm headin' on down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:26,852 --> 00:00:28,854 <i>♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪</i>
00:00:28,985 --> 00:00:32,118 - ♪ [mumbling] ♪
00:00:32,119 --> 00:00:33,336 <i>- ♪ Come on down to South Park ♪</i>
00:00:33,337 --> 00:00:35,165 <i>♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪</i>
00:00:39,082 --> 00:00:40,910 [school bell rings]
00:00:42,303 --> 00:00:44,957 - OK, kids, let's take our seats.
00:00:45,088 --> 00:00:47,873 Before we get started, we have a guest speaker today.
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:51,529 Please give your undivided attention to Kipling.
00:00:51,660 --> 00:00:53,530 - Thank you, sir. Hey. What's up, guys?
00:00:53,531 --> 00:00:54,663 My name's Kipling.
00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:56,403 I'm with the Webelos of America.
00:00:56,404 --> 00:00:58,580 I want to talk you guys about the exciting opportunity
00:00:58,710 --> 00:01:00,364 to join the Webelos.
00:01:00,495 --> 00:01:02,671 - Is that a chick or a dude? - Shut up.
00:01:02,758 --> 00:01:04,280 - I'm sure some of you were in Scouts before.
00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:06,240 Webelos are an extension of Scouts,
00:01:06,370 --> 00:01:08,111 specifically for fifth and sixth graders.
00:01:08,198 --> 00:01:09,546 - You guys, is that a chick or a dude?
00:01:09,547 --> 00:01:11,767 - It's a chick. - Nah, that's a dude, bro.
00:01:11,897 --> 00:01:13,550 - [muffled speech] - ...part of it as well.
00:01:13,551 --> 00:01:15,336 Now, I know what y'all might be thinking--
00:01:15,466 --> 00:01:17,338 Webelos used to be only for boys.
00:01:17,468 --> 00:01:19,166 Well, now they also allow girls,
00:01:19,296 --> 00:01:21,732 and I myself, as a...
00:01:21,733 --> 00:01:23,387 Webelo, can tell you
00:01:23,518 --> 00:01:26,260 it's a great organization for everyone.
00:01:28,914 --> 00:01:30,567 - I don't know, guys, I'm like 60% sure
00:01:30,568 --> 00:01:31,787 that was a fucking dude.
00:01:31,917 --> 00:01:33,354 - I'm definitely betting it's a chick.
00:01:33,484 --> 00:01:34,616 What are the odds at?
00:01:34,746 --> 00:01:36,052 - Looks like about 40 kids betting now,
00:01:36,183 --> 00:01:38,489 55% saying the Webelo is a dude.
00:01:38,620 --> 00:01:40,622 - So I'd only win, like, five bucks on a $2 bet?
00:01:40,752 --> 00:01:42,014 - What are you guys talking about?
00:01:42,145 --> 00:01:43,580 - Prediction market app, dude.
00:01:43,581 --> 00:01:45,496 You know, online peer to peer betting.
00:01:45,583 --> 00:01:46,802 - Yeah, it's social platform betting.
00:01:46,932 --> 00:01:48,019 People can make any bet they want,
00:01:48,020 --> 00:01:49,325 and then other users take them up on it.
00:01:49,326 --> 00:01:51,414 - Really? - Yeah, it's pretty sweet, dude.
00:01:51,415 --> 00:01:53,243 People bet on anything, even stuff here at the school.
00:01:53,374 --> 00:01:55,506 See? Will the girls' soccer team win on Friday?
00:01:55,593 --> 00:01:56,811 Will there be a snow day this month?
00:01:56,812 --> 00:01:58,247 Will Kyle's mom strike Gaza
00:01:58,248 --> 00:01:59,641 and destroy a Palestinian hospital?
00:01:59,771 --> 00:02:01,337 Will school lunch have tater tots next week?
00:02:01,338 --> 00:02:02,731 - Wait, what was that?
00:02:02,818 --> 00:02:04,515 - Will school lunch have tater tots next week?
00:02:04,602 --> 00:02:06,821 - No, the one about my mom! - Oh. Uh...
00:02:06,822 --> 00:02:08,302 Will Kyle's mom strike Gaza
00:02:08,432 --> 00:02:09,868 and destroy a Palestinian hospital?
00:02:09,999 --> 00:02:12,436 - Why the hell would my mom destroy a Palestinian hospital?
00:02:12,567 --> 00:02:15,309 - 'Cause she's a Jew?
00:02:15,396 --> 00:02:17,267 JESUS: Boys, put 'em away.
00:02:17,398 --> 00:02:19,790 You know the rules--no cell phones during school time.
00:02:19,791 --> 00:02:21,184 Both: Sorry, Jesus.
00:02:21,315 --> 00:02:22,619 [whistle trills]
00:02:22,620 --> 00:02:24,231 - No phones, guys!
00:02:25,623 --> 00:02:27,842 - Take that bet down right now, fat ass!
00:02:27,843 --> 00:02:29,105 - I didn't put it up, Kyle.
00:02:29,192 --> 00:02:30,628 I'm not even betting on it.
00:02:30,759 --> 00:02:32,977 It's 9:1 odds your mom won't do it--those are terrible odds.
00:02:32,978 --> 00:02:34,415 - This is such bullshit!
00:02:34,545 --> 00:02:35,764 I'm gonna find out who started this
00:02:35,851 --> 00:02:39,027 and I'm gonna fucking rip them a new asshole!
00:02:39,028 --> 00:02:42,073 - Man, you just bring up Gaza to a Jew and they flip out.
00:02:42,074 --> 00:02:44,598 Maybe these are pretty good odds.
00:02:44,599 --> 00:02:46,861 <i>[dynamic news theme]</i>
00:02:46,862 --> 00:02:50,430 <i>ANNOUNCER: You're watching Fox News!</i>
00:02:50,431 --> 00:02:52,868 - They're called prediction market apps--
00:02:52,998 --> 00:02:55,435 controversial online betting that's found a loophole
00:02:55,436 --> 00:02:57,525 around normal gambling laws.
00:02:57,655 --> 00:03:00,527 And, of course, the number one trending bet on the apps:
00:03:00,528 --> 00:03:04,358 Will President Trump and Satan's baby be a boy or a girl?
00:03:04,488 --> 00:03:06,055 - That's right, prediction market apps
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,838 are going crazy right now.
00:03:07,839 --> 00:03:11,582 On Kalshi, 54% are betting it's gonna be a boy,
00:03:11,669 --> 00:03:14,933 while bettors on Polymarket are at nearly 60%
00:03:15,064 --> 00:03:18,198 the demonic butt baby's gonna be a girl.
00:03:27,468 --> 00:03:28,859 - Hello, boss.
00:03:28,860 --> 00:03:31,862 Another gift for the baby.
00:03:31,863 --> 00:03:33,822 - Another present for the baby?
00:03:33,909 --> 00:03:35,649 What about me?
00:03:35,650 --> 00:03:38,260 - Everyone is so excited for the baby, boss.
00:03:38,261 --> 00:03:41,482 You must be so excited as well.
00:03:41,612 --> 00:03:43,353 - Uh, yeah, sure. Real excited.
00:03:43,484 --> 00:03:47,836 - It is going to completely change your life, though.
00:03:47,923 --> 00:03:48,879 - What are you talking about?
00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:50,969 - Well, when the baby comes,
00:03:51,100 --> 00:03:54,363 you will have to give it all your attention.
00:03:54,364 --> 00:03:57,062 No more dinner parties in the Rose Garden.
00:03:57,149 --> 00:04:00,501 No more baseball games. No more travelling.
00:04:00,631 --> 00:04:03,634 No more long nights at Mar-a-Lago.
00:04:06,811 --> 00:04:07,856 - Oh.
00:04:07,986 --> 00:04:09,336 Ooh.
00:04:10,902 --> 00:04:13,164 - Hey, Satan!
00:04:13,165 --> 00:04:16,386 You wanna get in the hot tub and smoke some cigarettes?
00:04:16,517 --> 00:04:19,693 - Hot tubs and cigarettes are really bad for the baby.
00:04:19,694 --> 00:04:21,609 - Yeah, I know. Let's do it anyway.
00:04:21,739 --> 00:04:24,393 - Wait, do you want to get rid of the baby?
00:04:24,394 --> 00:04:26,308 I don't think your followers would be very happy
00:04:26,309 --> 00:04:28,745 if we got an abortion.
00:04:28,746 --> 00:04:30,965 - Hey, relax, guy!
00:04:30,966 --> 00:04:32,923 I don't want to get rid of the baby.
00:04:32,924 --> 00:04:34,709 - Good, 'cause we're not going to.
00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:36,450 - Great!
00:04:41,890 --> 00:04:43,021 - Jimmy!
00:04:43,108 --> 00:04:44,065 - Oh, hey, Kyle.
00:04:44,066 --> 00:04:45,762 - What the hell is this?
00:04:45,763 --> 00:04:47,851 - That's a prediction market app.
00:04:47,852 --> 00:04:51,507 - I'm asking why did you bet yes that my mom would strike Gaza?
00:04:51,508 --> 00:04:52,814 - Oh, yeah, I put some money on that.
00:04:52,944 --> 00:04:54,771 I know it's not very likely, but I like to bet on
00:04:54,772 --> 00:04:56,687 l-longshots.
00:04:56,774 --> 00:04:58,472 - Why are you betting on it at all?
00:04:58,602 --> 00:05:00,561 Israel and Gaza is a very serious matter.
00:05:00,691 --> 00:05:02,040 - Oh, I know, Kyle.
00:05:02,171 --> 00:05:03,694 I told a joke about Gaza on a Zoom meeting yesterday
00:05:03,781 --> 00:05:04,913 and nobody laughed.
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,045 I guess it's not even remotely funny.
00:05:08,525 --> 00:05:10,397 Wow. What a terrific audience.
00:05:10,527 --> 00:05:12,006 - What is wrong with you people?
00:05:12,007 --> 00:05:13,660 Do you even know what Gaza is?
00:05:13,661 --> 00:05:15,489 Do you seriously just care about making a couple bucks?
00:05:15,619 --> 00:05:17,403 You know what my mom would do if she found out about this?
00:05:17,404 --> 00:05:19,144 She would absolutely lose her shit!
00:05:19,231 --> 00:05:21,582 There's been a conflict in Israel for thousands of years,
00:05:21,669 --> 00:05:23,627 and Jews and Palestinians are not football teams
00:05:23,758 --> 00:05:24,715 that you bet on.
00:05:24,802 --> 00:05:26,282 - Guys, phones.
00:05:26,369 --> 00:05:28,631 all: Sorry, Jesus.
00:05:28,632 --> 00:05:30,242 - Kyle, if you think the bet isn't fair,
00:05:30,373 --> 00:05:31,373 then you can just take it up with the company
00:05:31,374 --> 00:05:33,071 that manages the app. - I can?
00:05:33,158 --> 00:05:34,595 - Sure thing.
00:05:34,682 --> 00:05:36,814 These apps aren't r-run of the mill, rinkydink.
00:05:36,945 --> 00:05:38,294 They're all run by highly professional
00:05:38,381 --> 00:05:41,297 strategic advisors.
00:05:41,384 --> 00:05:44,300 <i>[dramatic music]</i>
00:05:44,387 --> 00:05:48,086 <i>♪ ♪</i>
00:05:48,173 --> 00:05:51,089 [phone ringing]
00:05:55,224 --> 00:05:57,443 - Hello?
00:05:57,444 --> 00:06:01,883 - Yeah, is this the "Strategic Advisor for Predictive Markets?
00:06:02,013 --> 00:06:04,276 - Yes, it is.
00:06:04,407 --> 00:06:05,799 - Well, there's a bet on one of your apps
00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:07,017 that's incredible insensitive,
00:06:07,018 --> 00:06:09,107 and it needs to be taken down now!
00:06:10,979 --> 00:06:14,852 - Oh, uh, all our bets are actually regulated by the CFTC.
00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:16,810 You need to talk to them.
00:06:16,811 --> 00:06:18,987 - What's the CFTC?
00:06:19,074 --> 00:06:22,338 - It's the Commodity Futures Trading Commission.
00:06:22,425 --> 00:06:24,165 It's the federal government.
00:06:24,166 --> 00:06:27,256 They have to approve all bets and deal with discrepancies.
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,605 - Fine! I'll call the CFTC then.
00:06:29,606 --> 00:06:31,041 So stupid.
00:06:31,042 --> 00:06:33,001 Commodity Futures Trading Commission--here we go.
00:06:35,220 --> 00:06:38,180 [line ringing]
00:06:41,836 --> 00:06:44,490 - Hello?
00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:46,231 - Yeah, I'm calling about a prediction market bet
00:06:46,318 --> 00:06:47,929 that's offensive to Jewish people.
00:06:48,059 --> 00:06:50,453 - Ooh, that sounds really bad.
00:06:50,540 --> 00:06:53,717 If it's offensive, you probably need to speak with the FCC.
00:06:53,848 --> 00:06:55,545 - The FCC?
00:06:55,676 --> 00:06:57,895 - Yeah, they're dealing with all the offensive stuff now.
00:06:58,026 --> 00:07:00,071 Here, let me connect you.
00:07:00,202 --> 00:07:03,031 [phone ringing]
00:07:10,038 --> 00:07:12,126 Hello?
00:07:12,127 --> 00:07:14,084 - This is the same fucking guy!
00:07:14,085 --> 00:07:16,130 - Who is it? - Uh, apparently,
00:07:16,131 --> 00:07:18,349 there's a really offensive bet on an app
00:07:18,350 --> 00:07:20,483 that the government is sort of in charge of,
00:07:20,570 --> 00:07:22,398 and I'm like the strategic advisor.
00:07:22,485 --> 00:07:24,269 - An offensive government app?
00:07:24,356 --> 00:07:26,620 I better go speak with the president right away.
00:07:30,493 --> 00:07:33,409 [humming happily]
00:07:35,106 --> 00:07:36,237 [rope boings]
00:07:36,238 --> 00:07:39,241 [humming happily]
00:07:44,072 --> 00:07:45,856 Hey, Satan!
00:07:47,989 --> 00:07:49,947 Hey, Satan!
00:07:50,078 --> 00:07:51,906 Can you come downstairs?
00:07:54,299 --> 00:07:55,909 - What do you want?
00:07:55,910 --> 00:07:57,738 - Just come down the stairs real quick.
00:07:57,868 --> 00:07:59,087 - For what?
00:07:59,174 --> 00:08:00,610 - For just real quick.
00:08:00,741 --> 00:08:02,220 - Oh, there you are, Mr. President!
00:08:02,351 --> 00:08:03,612 I need to talk to you.
00:08:03,613 --> 00:08:05,354 - No, no, no, no! Brendan Carr, don't--
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:08,313 - Whoa! [grunting]
00:08:10,751 --> 00:08:12,186 - [laughing]
00:08:12,187 --> 00:08:14,885 The FCC guy must have shitty ankles.
00:08:21,762 --> 00:08:23,632 - You guys! You guys!
00:08:23,633 --> 00:08:25,026 Have you checked out the betting app lately?
00:08:25,156 --> 00:08:26,810 - No. - Ever since Kyle got
00:08:26,941 --> 00:08:28,333 all pissed off, the odds are going up
00:08:28,420 --> 00:08:29,986 on his mom attacking Gaza.
00:08:29,987 --> 00:08:31,858 - No way. - Yeah, check it out!
00:08:31,859 --> 00:08:34,208 Now 17% of people are betting she's gonna do it.
00:08:34,209 --> 00:08:36,211 We gotta get in on this, guys.
00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:38,429 - Dude, Kyle's mom isn't going to strike Gaza.
00:08:38,430 --> 00:08:40,519 - Yes, exactly. We know that.
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,434 And we can also influence Kyle
00:08:42,565 --> 00:08:44,436 to get the odds raised even more.
00:08:44,567 --> 00:08:45,916 It's called a conflict of interest, you guys.
00:08:46,003 --> 00:08:47,221 It's a way to make free money.
00:08:47,222 --> 00:08:48,571 - Isn't that illegal?
00:08:48,658 --> 00:08:50,137 - Yes! All we have to do is make sure
00:08:50,138 --> 00:08:52,009 Kyle stays angry,
00:08:52,096 --> 00:08:53,794 and at the same time, go talk antisemitic shit about his mom
00:08:53,924 --> 00:08:55,403 to goose the odds up even more.
00:08:55,404 --> 00:08:57,013 - What are you guys talking about?
00:08:57,014 --> 00:08:58,232 - Nothing. Just talking about
00:08:58,233 --> 00:09:00,017 how messed up it is everyone hates Jews now.
00:09:00,104 --> 00:09:02,453 - You think it's messed up? - Yes, I do, Kyle.
00:09:02,454 --> 00:09:04,369 Why would an app allow a bet like that to exist?
00:09:04,456 --> 00:09:05,675 It's obvious race bait.
00:09:05,806 --> 00:09:07,808 - Yeah, that's exactly how I feel!
00:09:07,895 --> 00:09:09,199 - Dude, you might just want to let it go.
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:10,811 - See? "Just let it go."
00:09:10,898 --> 00:09:12,551 That's how people want you to deal with a crisis
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:13,857 that they don't even understand.
00:09:13,988 --> 00:09:15,642 - Yes! Thank you!
00:09:15,772 --> 00:09:17,295 - You can't give up, Kyle.
00:09:17,426 --> 00:09:19,297 It's not cool people would say this stuff about your mom.
00:09:19,428 --> 00:09:21,952 And honestly, if you don't have her back, who will?
00:09:26,043 --> 00:09:29,089 Hey, have you guys heard about Kyle's mom?
00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:32,658 Man, that bitch has it out for Palestine, let me tell you.
00:09:32,659 --> 00:09:33,964 Well, I don't know, I would just hate to be
00:09:34,095 --> 00:09:36,097 a Palestinian hospital, that's all I can say.
00:09:36,227 --> 00:09:37,881 Well, anyway, good to talk to you guys.
00:09:38,012 --> 00:09:39,055 Hey, guys! Guys, have you heard about
00:09:39,056 --> 00:09:40,928 my friend Kyle's mom?
00:09:45,541 --> 00:09:47,978 [laughter]
00:09:48,109 --> 00:09:50,546 - Oh, my goodness, can you believe all the crazy apps
00:09:50,633 --> 00:09:52,287 our kids are on these days?
00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:54,723 - Ugh! Who can keep track anymore?
00:09:54,724 --> 00:09:56,900 - Kyle comes to me every day with a new app
00:09:57,031 --> 00:09:58,336 that he just has to have.
00:09:58,467 --> 00:10:00,860 I tell him, "That app costs money, Kyle.
00:10:00,861 --> 00:10:02,252 "Then it charges you money.
00:10:02,253 --> 00:10:03,863 Where you gonna get this money?"
00:10:03,864 --> 00:10:05,517 - Yeah, you know what'd be nice?
00:10:05,648 --> 00:10:07,823 Is an app where you can actually make some money.
00:10:07,824 --> 00:10:08,868 - [laughs] Yes.
00:10:08,869 --> 00:10:10,305 That'd be great, wouldn't it?
00:10:10,435 --> 00:10:12,654 - [giggling] Yes, it certainly would.
00:10:12,655 --> 00:10:13,655 [clears throat]
00:10:13,656 --> 00:10:16,136 So, Sheila,
00:10:16,137 --> 00:10:20,358 how have you been feeling about the current situation in Gaza?
00:10:22,883 --> 00:10:24,449 - What? - Uh, yeah,
00:10:24,536 --> 00:10:27,017 just--just thought we'd sort of take your temperature.
00:10:27,104 --> 00:10:29,933 Which way are you thinking about going with that?
00:10:30,064 --> 00:10:32,022 - Well, I think it's all horrible.
00:10:32,109 --> 00:10:35,199 A lot of people are dying. - Uh-huh.
00:10:35,330 --> 00:10:38,594 - And do you feel like you need to do anything about it?
00:10:38,681 --> 00:10:40,726 - What would I do about it?
00:10:40,727 --> 00:10:42,554 - I mean, probably nothing, right?
00:10:42,685 --> 00:10:44,773 You're going to do nothing about it.
00:10:44,774 --> 00:10:47,472 - Are you implying the Jews in America
00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:49,952 have some kind of obligation to do something about it?
00:10:49,953 --> 00:10:52,695 - Whoa, whoa! - You want to vilify my faith!
00:10:52,782 --> 00:10:54,349 Is that it? - Sheila, it's OK.
00:10:54,479 --> 00:10:56,481 - It's not Jews versus Palestine!
00:10:56,568 --> 00:10:58,526 It's Israel versus Palestine!
00:10:58,527 --> 00:11:00,354 - Here we go with the Palestinian stuff again.
00:11:00,355 --> 00:11:01,922 - And maybe if you read books
00:11:02,009 --> 00:11:04,140 instead of everything Hollywood actors say,
00:11:04,141 --> 00:11:06,491 you'd know the difference!
00:11:09,146 --> 00:11:10,582 - What are you putting your money on?
00:11:10,713 --> 00:11:14,412 - I mean, it's a ridiculous bet, but she seems pretty pissed off.
00:11:14,543 --> 00:11:17,153 - There's really no money to be made on betting she won't.
00:11:17,154 --> 00:11:18,852 - Yeah, let's take the long odds.
00:11:18,939 --> 00:11:20,549 That makes these apps more fun.
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:21,505 - Yeah. - Yeah.
00:11:21,506 --> 00:11:22,943 [laughter]
00:11:23,073 --> 00:11:25,945 <i>[stately music]</i>
00:11:25,946 --> 00:11:29,297 <i>♪</i>
00:11:29,384 --> 00:11:32,213 - [humming happily]
00:11:32,343 --> 00:11:39,220 <i>♪ ♪</i>
00:11:41,091 --> 00:11:43,745 <i>[mischievous music]</i>
00:11:43,746 --> 00:11:45,747 <i>♪</i>
00:11:45,748 --> 00:11:48,750 [humming happily]
00:11:48,751 --> 00:11:55,758 <i>♪</i>
00:11:57,804 --> 00:12:00,589 Hey, Satan!
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,547 <i>♪ ♪</i>
00:12:02,678 --> 00:12:04,375 I made you some soup!
00:12:04,506 --> 00:12:05,985 <i>♪ ♪</i>
00:12:05,986 --> 00:12:10,206 - I don't like carrots.
00:12:10,207 --> 00:12:12,426 - Hey, relax, guy!
00:12:12,427 --> 00:12:13,820 Carrots are good for you.
00:12:13,950 --> 00:12:16,039 - I don't want carrots.
00:12:16,170 --> 00:12:18,650 I ordered cheesecake on DoorDash.
00:12:18,781 --> 00:12:21,044 - Mr. President, I really need to speak with you.
00:12:21,175 --> 00:12:22,436 - Not now, Brendan Carr!
00:12:22,437 --> 00:12:23,873 Satan won't eat his carrots.
00:12:24,004 --> 00:12:26,006 - Oh, come on, Satan, you're eating for two now.
00:12:26,136 --> 00:12:27,746 Carrots are good for you, see?
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:30,227 - Ah, Brendan Carr, don't do it!
00:12:30,358 --> 00:12:32,751 - Whoa, this is the best soup ever. I--
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,405 [gagging]
00:12:34,536 --> 00:12:35,579 Oh, God!
00:12:35,580 --> 00:12:36,798 [farting, screaming]
00:12:36,799 --> 00:12:37,973 - Whoa!
00:12:37,974 --> 00:12:39,846 - Whoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo!
00:12:39,976 --> 00:12:42,631 [farting, screaming]
00:12:44,241 --> 00:12:46,417 Wow-wow-wow-wow!
00:12:48,855 --> 00:12:50,160 - [laughs]
00:12:50,247 --> 00:12:52,946 Those carrots must have been from Erewhon.
00:12:55,905 --> 00:12:57,601 SHEILA: Everywhere I went today,
00:12:57,602 --> 00:12:59,169 it was the same thing.
00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:01,475 What are <i>you</i> going to do about Gaza?
00:13:01,476 --> 00:13:03,739 Like us Jews in America have any control
00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:05,479 over what's going on in Israel.
00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:07,437 Why is everyone suddenly confronting us
00:13:07,438 --> 00:13:09,135 about the politics?
00:13:09,136 --> 00:13:12,835 Have people been asking what you think about Gaza, Gerald?
00:13:12,922 --> 00:13:14,881 - No, for some reason, they were just asking
00:13:15,011 --> 00:13:17,057 what you think about it. - You see?
00:13:17,187 --> 00:13:19,362 It's just pure antisemitism!
00:13:19,363 --> 00:13:22,496 I'm so sick of being grilled about my views on Palestine
00:13:22,497 --> 00:13:24,150 and my thoughts on Hamas!
00:13:24,151 --> 00:13:26,717 And being judged for things that are centuries old
00:13:26,718 --> 00:13:29,285 and that non-Jews know nothing about!
00:13:29,286 --> 00:13:30,635 Well, if they all think we should do something--
00:13:30,722 --> 00:13:31,592 - You-- stop! SHEILA: Then you better believe
00:13:31,593 --> 00:13:33,463 I'll do something!
00:13:33,464 --> 00:13:35,509 - You know, Mom, I'm starting to think that us Jews
00:13:35,510 --> 00:13:36,903 should just lay low for a little bit.
00:13:37,033 --> 00:13:40,297 - There! Now my son is complacent.
00:13:40,384 --> 00:13:42,560 This is one Jewish household that will not put up with it
00:13:42,691 --> 00:13:44,301 anymore! - Ma, please.
00:13:44,432 --> 00:13:45,563 Don't make things any worse.
00:13:45,694 --> 00:13:48,740 - Worse? How can it be any worse?
00:13:48,871 --> 00:13:51,307 I'm going to find out where all this is coming from,
00:13:51,308 --> 00:13:54,659 and I'm going to give them a piece of my mind!
00:13:56,096 --> 00:13:57,880 - No! Ma!
00:14:00,927 --> 00:14:02,363 [cat meows]
00:14:04,321 --> 00:14:06,627 - Look, boss, another present for the baby!
00:14:06,628 --> 00:14:07,846 [cat meows]
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,937 - Another present for the baby? Right!
00:14:11,067 --> 00:14:12,546 - Isn't it cute, boss?
00:14:12,547 --> 00:14:14,287 We must be careful, though,
00:14:14,288 --> 00:14:17,682 cats can be very harmful to a pregnancy.
00:14:17,813 --> 00:14:19,902 - Harmful to a pregnancy?
00:14:19,989 --> 00:14:23,688 - Well, yes, boss, it's a parasite called toxoplasmosis.
00:14:23,775 --> 00:14:25,994 It can be transferred from cats to humans
00:14:25,995 --> 00:14:27,692 and bring about some complications.
00:14:27,823 --> 00:14:29,519 [cat meows]
00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:32,480 - Toxoplasmosis? [cat yowls]
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,918 [humming happily]
00:14:36,919 --> 00:14:39,879 [cats meowing]
00:14:42,838 --> 00:14:44,274 [humming happily]
00:14:44,361 --> 00:14:45,710 [alarm buzzes]
00:14:49,192 --> 00:14:52,065 [humming happily]
00:14:55,372 --> 00:14:58,506 Hey, Satan!
00:15:00,987 --> 00:15:04,773 Hey, Satan, you gotta come see this, it's really great.
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,644 - What?
00:15:06,775 --> 00:15:09,342 - Ay! I thought you were napping in our room.
00:15:09,343 --> 00:15:11,779 - No, I had to go get the ultrasound.
00:15:11,780 --> 00:15:13,781 I can't believe you didn't show up.
00:15:13,782 --> 00:15:16,611 It really makes me feel like you don't care about this baby.
00:15:16,741 --> 00:15:20,745 - Hey, relax, guy, of course I care about the baby.
00:15:20,832 --> 00:15:22,746 - Mr. President, I'm feeling much better--
00:15:22,747 --> 00:15:25,185 - No! Fuck! Brendan Carr!
00:15:25,315 --> 00:15:28,709 - [muffled groaning]
00:15:28,710 --> 00:15:31,234 [muffled scream]
00:15:31,365 --> 00:15:34,237 [crashing]
00:15:41,766 --> 00:15:44,594 - You guys. You guys, I did it.
00:15:44,595 --> 00:15:45,857 - You did what?
00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:47,597 - I talked so much shit about the Jews
00:15:47,598 --> 00:15:49,991 that I got the odds on the bet up to 95%.
00:15:49,992 --> 00:15:50,992 - [muffled speech]
00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:52,255 - Yeah, check it out.
00:15:52,386 --> 00:15:54,169 I put 1,400 bucks on it last night.
00:15:54,170 --> 00:15:55,605 I am locked in.
00:15:55,606 --> 00:15:57,085 - Where'd you get 1,400 bucks?
00:15:57,086 --> 00:15:58,608 - I just took my mom's debit card,
00:15:58,609 --> 00:16:00,002 entered all the info into the betting app,
00:16:00,089 --> 00:16:01,612 and put all the money she has on it.
00:16:01,743 --> 00:16:02,874 - [muffled speech]
00:16:03,005 --> 00:16:04,527 - Isn't she gonna be pissed off?
00:16:04,528 --> 00:16:07,488 - Yeah, not when I turn her 1,400 bucks into 14,000.
00:16:07,618 --> 00:16:09,229 This is the safest investment ever.
00:16:09,359 --> 00:16:10,795 Nothing can possibly go wrong.
00:16:10,882 --> 00:16:12,797 JIMMY: Hey, fellas. Fellas!
00:16:12,884 --> 00:16:14,234 Fellas, have you seen the news?
00:16:14,364 --> 00:16:16,018 Kyle's mom's in Israel.
00:16:17,846 --> 00:16:19,194 - Really? - Oh, wow!
00:16:19,195 --> 00:16:20,414 - I just put money down!
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,511 <i>[dramatic music]</i>
00:16:30,641 --> 00:16:33,427 - [speaking Arabic]
00:16:41,261 --> 00:16:43,044 - Dude, your mom's in Israel.
00:16:43,045 --> 00:16:44,307 - I know.
00:16:44,438 --> 00:16:45,308 - Well, you gotta call her.
00:16:45,439 --> 00:16:46,483 You gotta calm her down.
00:16:46,614 --> 00:16:48,050 - I've been trying to call her.
00:16:48,137 --> 00:16:49,486 Her phone's not working over there.
00:16:49,617 --> 00:16:51,444 - Kyle this is no time for weakness.
00:16:51,445 --> 00:16:52,924 Whatever your mom is doing,
00:16:53,055 --> 00:16:56,275 it is going to make kids here even more anti-Semitic.
00:16:56,276 --> 00:16:57,407 - You're totally right.
00:16:57,494 --> 00:16:58,756 - Damn right, I'm right!
00:16:58,887 --> 00:17:00,105 You have to get ahold of your mom
00:17:00,106 --> 00:17:01,629 and tell her to calm down, Kyle.
00:17:01,716 --> 00:17:03,325 Call the Israeli government if you have to.
00:17:03,326 --> 00:17:05,110 - How do I call the Israeli government?
00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:07,287 - Call a diplomat. Call an embassy.
00:17:07,374 --> 00:17:10,506 You just have to talk to someone who works for Israel.
00:17:10,507 --> 00:17:13,423 [phone ringing]
00:17:15,599 --> 00:17:17,297 - Hello.
00:17:17,427 --> 00:17:19,341 - Oh, you have got to be shitting me!
00:17:19,342 --> 00:17:20,908 - What? - This is the strategic advisor
00:17:20,909 --> 00:17:22,475 for predictive market apps.
00:17:22,476 --> 00:17:23,477 - Tell him to take the bet down.
00:17:23,607 --> 00:17:24,869 - What?
00:17:24,956 --> 00:17:26,001 - Make him take the bet down, Kyle.
00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:27,045 It is anti-Semitic, and you have to fight
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:29,309 for what you believe in.
00:17:29,396 --> 00:17:31,006 - I called before about an offensive bet,
00:17:31,137 --> 00:17:32,485 and I want that bet taken down right now!
00:17:32,486 --> 00:17:33,661 - That's right!
00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:35,445 - Oh, yes, I believe your complaint
00:17:35,532 --> 00:17:38,187 was being reviewed by head of the FCC.
00:17:38,318 --> 00:17:39,884 - Well, then what's the head of the FCC doing?
00:17:40,015 --> 00:17:41,364 Where the hell is he?
00:17:46,369 --> 00:17:49,111 - [groaning]
00:17:49,198 --> 00:17:52,462 - Mr. Carr? Mr. Carr, can you hear me?
00:17:52,549 --> 00:17:54,203 - [groans]
00:17:54,334 --> 00:17:58,076 - We understand you're the head of the FCC, is that correct?
00:17:58,077 --> 00:17:59,774 - Mm-hmm.
00:17:59,904 --> 00:18:01,341 - All right, well, I'm very sorry,
00:18:01,428 --> 00:18:03,516 but you do appear to have toxoplasmosis
00:18:03,517 --> 00:18:06,127 from exposure to cat feces.
00:18:06,128 --> 00:18:08,216 - Aww!
00:18:08,217 --> 00:18:12,395 - We need you to get some rest. Try not to move.
00:18:12,526 --> 00:18:15,833 - Will the head of the FCC be OK, Doctor?
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:17,139 - His bones are healing,
00:18:17,226 --> 00:18:19,359 so he may regain full range of motion.
00:18:19,446 --> 00:18:23,798 But if the toxoplasmosis parasite gets to his brain...
00:18:23,928 --> 00:18:26,148 I'm afraid he may lose his freedom of speech.
00:18:26,279 --> 00:18:28,846 - Oh, no!
00:18:28,977 --> 00:18:31,110 - We'll do everything we can.
00:18:33,938 --> 00:18:36,854 <i>[sinister music]</i>
00:18:36,941 --> 00:18:39,247 <i>♪ ♪</i>
00:18:39,248 --> 00:18:43,557 - Mr. Carr, why do you keep meddling in my plans?
00:18:43,687 --> 00:18:44,992 - Huh?
00:18:44,993 --> 00:18:46,864 - I've been trying to convince the boss
00:18:46,995 --> 00:18:50,606 to get rid of the baby.
00:18:50,607 --> 00:18:53,088 I am next in line to be president.
00:18:53,175 --> 00:18:55,263 That baby cannot be born.
00:18:55,264 --> 00:18:58,048 And if you continue to interfere,
00:18:58,049 --> 00:19:00,921 I will make things very difficult for you.
00:19:00,922 --> 00:19:04,142 - [groaning]
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:06,667 - We can do this the easy way,
00:19:06,797 --> 00:19:09,190 or we can do it the hard way.
00:19:09,191 --> 00:19:11,541 <i>♪</i>
00:19:17,852 --> 00:19:20,768 [phone ringing]
00:19:22,770 --> 00:19:24,466 - Hello.
00:19:24,467 --> 00:19:27,208 Uh, yes, is this the office of the president?
00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:28,818 Yes, it is.
00:19:28,819 --> 00:19:30,691 I've got a young man who's saying one of our
00:19:30,821 --> 00:19:33,476 predictive market bets is offensive to Jews?
00:19:33,607 --> 00:19:35,434 Ooh, that sounds bad.
00:19:35,435 --> 00:19:37,132 Yeah, it sounds pretty bad.
00:19:37,263 --> 00:19:38,611 Well, the president isn't here,
00:19:38,612 --> 00:19:40,353 but I'm, like, a special advisor,
00:19:40,483 --> 00:19:42,703 so I can probably get the bet taken down.
00:19:42,833 --> 00:19:45,227 Ooh, I'm a special advisor too!
00:19:45,358 --> 00:19:46,924 Oh, really? That's great.
00:19:47,055 --> 00:19:49,187 Can you email me the bet in question?
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:50,884 Yeah, I'm emailing it now.
00:19:50,885 --> 00:19:52,277 Oh, yeah, I see it.
00:19:52,278 --> 00:19:54,584 OK, I'll need to approve with the financial company
00:19:54,715 --> 00:19:57,500 backing all the app since the bet money needs to be returned.
00:19:57,631 --> 00:20:00,416 OK, thanks, I'll let all the Jews know.
00:20:05,029 --> 00:20:07,162 - What the hell?
00:20:07,249 --> 00:20:08,598 - They took it down.
00:20:10,470 --> 00:20:13,168 We were all gonna win, and they took down our bets.
00:20:13,299 --> 00:20:14,952 - How can the app company do that?
00:20:15,083 --> 00:20:16,692 - I got in at nine-to-one odds.
00:20:16,693 --> 00:20:18,608 This is b-b-bullshit!
00:20:18,695 --> 00:20:20,522 - Yeah, these apps are totally corrupt.
00:20:20,523 --> 00:20:24,265 [whistle blows] - Guys! For the love of God!
00:20:24,266 --> 00:20:27,137 [laughter]
00:20:27,138 --> 00:20:30,924 - Well, Cartman, I just wanna say thanks.
00:20:30,925 --> 00:20:33,318 You know, it's crazy, but nobody else here
00:20:33,319 --> 00:20:36,060 gave a crap about how I was feeling except for you.
00:20:36,147 --> 00:20:37,758 - Oh, that's all right, Kyle.
00:20:37,888 --> 00:20:40,195 I'm just happy the bet got taken down.
00:20:40,326 --> 00:20:41,849 Now none of these sickos can profit
00:20:41,936 --> 00:20:43,416 off of what your mom does.
00:20:43,503 --> 00:20:44,721 - Yeah, well, those people
00:20:44,852 --> 00:20:48,203 would have all lost the bet anyway.
00:20:48,334 --> 00:20:50,074 - What do you mean they would have all lost the bet?
00:20:50,161 --> 00:20:53,948 - Well, I know the reason my mom went Israel.
00:20:54,078 --> 00:20:56,166 - It wasn't to bomb a Palestinian hospital?
00:20:56,167 --> 00:20:57,560 - No, when my mom left the house,
00:20:57,691 --> 00:20:58,734 she said she was gonna find
00:20:58,735 --> 00:20:59,997 the person responsible for all this
00:21:00,128 --> 00:21:01,825 and give them a piece of her mind.
00:21:11,574 --> 00:21:12,358 KYLE'S MOM [muffled]: You are not going
00:21:12,488 --> 00:21:13,923 to talk to me like that!
00:21:13,924 --> 00:21:15,577 I am extremely upset,
00:21:15,578 --> 00:21:19,189 and I am not leaving until I have said my piece!
00:21:19,190 --> 00:21:22,803 There you are, Mr. Netanyahu!
00:21:22,933 --> 00:21:24,761 Just who do you think you are,
00:21:24,892 --> 00:21:27,242 killing thousands and flattening neighborhoods,
00:21:27,373 --> 00:21:28,982 then wrapping yourself in Judaism
00:21:28,983 --> 00:21:31,420 like it's some shield from criticism?
00:21:31,551 --> 00:21:33,553 You're making life for Jews miserable
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:36,381 and life for American Jews impossible!
00:21:36,382 --> 00:21:38,601 Oh, don't you roll your eyes at me, mister.
00:21:38,732 --> 00:21:40,211 <i>You know what you're doing,</i>
00:21:40,342 --> 00:21:42,430 <i>and you're doing it on purpose!</i>
00:21:42,431 --> 00:21:44,215 <i>Well, now you can just sit in that chair,</i>
00:21:44,346 --> 00:21:46,479 <i>'cause I'm not going anywhere, buster!</i>
00:21:46,609 --> 00:21:48,568 <i>I've been to every PTA meeting,</i>
00:21:48,698 --> 00:21:50,177 <i>every school board meeting,</i>
00:21:50,178 --> 00:21:52,049 <i>and I can go all day!</i>

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