Вок мёртв

00:00:06,020 --> 00:00:08,780

В ПРОГРАММЕ СОДЕРЖИТСЯ ГРЯЗНАЯ РУГАНЬ

НЕ РЕКОМЕНДУЕТСЯ К ПРОСМОТРУ НИКОМУ

00:00:12,070 --> 00:00:13,330

Соберу я свой рюкзак

00:00:13,370 --> 00:00:14,960

и поеду в Саус Парк.

00:00:15,370 --> 00:00:16,830

Дружелюбный здесь народ,

00:00:16,860 --> 00:00:18,650

благочестие цветёт.

00:00:18,700 --> 00:00:19,860

В Саус Парк ты приезжаешь

00:00:19,870 --> 00:00:21,630

и печали забываешь.

00:00:21,970 --> 00:00:23,600

Стоит только выйти в свет,

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все кричат: «Привет, сосед!»

00:00:25,350 --> 00:00:26,540

В Саус Парке не печалься,

00:00:26,570 --> 00:00:28,520

отдыхай и расслабляйся.

00:00:31,950 --> 00:00:33,080

В Саус Парке ждут тебя

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мои верные друзья.

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ЮЖНЫЙ ПАРК

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НАЧАЛЬНАЯ ШКОЛА САУС ПАРКА

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«ШАЙ-ЛЮШИЙ» ПОП-АП МАГАЗИН

00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:32,976

КАБИНЕТ СОВЕЩАНИЙ ПЕДСОВЕТА

00:09:32,250 --> 00:09:34,770

«ШАЙ-ЛЮШИЙ» ПОП-АП МАГАЗИН

00:10:51,270 --> 00:10:52,304

КАБИНЕТ ПСИХОЛОГА

00:13:18,330 --> 00:13:20,580

«ШАЙ-ЛЮШИЙ» ПОП-АП МАГАЗИН

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С ДНЁМ РОЖДЕНИЯ, РЭД!!!

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РЕЗУЛЬТАТ: БЕРЕМЕННОСТЬ

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НАЧАЛЬНАЯ ШКОЛА САУС ПАРКА

00:00:06,020 --> 00:00:08,780

В ПРОГРАММЕ СОДЕРЖИТСЯ ГРЯЗНАЯ РУГАНЬ

НЕ РЕКОМЕНДУЕТСЯ К ПРОСМОТРУ НИКОМУ

00:00:12,070 --> 00:00:13,330

Соберу я свой рюкзак

00:00:13,370 --> 00:00:14,960

и поеду в Саус Парк.

00:00:15,370 --> 00:00:16,830

Дружелюбный здесь народ,

00:00:16,860 --> 00:00:18,650

благочестие цветёт.

00:00:18,700 --> 00:00:19,860

В Саус Парк ты приезжаешь

00:00:19,870 --> 00:00:21,630

и печали забываешь.

00:00:21,970 --> 00:00:23,600

Стоит только выйти в свет,

00:00:23,650 --> 00:00:25,340

все кричат: «Привет, сосед!»

00:00:25,350 --> 00:00:26,540

В Саус Парке не печалься,

00:00:26,570 --> 00:00:28,520

отдыхай и расслабляйся.

00:00:31,950 --> 00:00:33,080

В Саус Парке ждут тебя

00:00:33,140 --> 00:00:35,020

мои верные друзья.

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ЮЖНЫЙ ПАРК

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НАЧАЛЬНАЯ ШКОЛА САУС ПАРКА

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Бетси! Бетси! Угадай, что!

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Папа отвёл меня в азиатский поп-ап!

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И купил знаешь, что? Серенити Лабубу!

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Ой какая она прелесть!

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Не говори.

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Я тоже в таком магазине была.

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Что, правда?

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Смотри что мне купили, Лоялти Лабубу!

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Божечки мои, ну какая милота-а!

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Я тоже в восторге!

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Она просто прелесть!

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Чувак, смотри туда! Щас опять начнётся!

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Во-от чёрт!

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Кстати, у меня уже есть

Лоялти Лабубу, и даже костюмчик!

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Какая-же нереальная милота.

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Кенни, пацаны, там у девок Лабубу!

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Щас опять будет!

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Ништяк, чуваки.

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Скорей!

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А ещё, ты обалдеешь,

у меня Каштановая Какао Лабубу есть!

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Просто офигеть! Она же нереально редкая!

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Мегамилота, скажи, подруга?

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Просто опупеть какая милота!

Но она редкая, у тебя точно не подделка?

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Всё, понеслась.

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Нет, конечно. Тут подделки

только у тебя, жирная сучка.

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Завали, мразь!

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Хер тебе!

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Шлюха тупая!

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Да, да, давай!

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Да! Класс! Так её! Кайф!

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Жесть! Круто! Ещё, да!

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Эй! Эй, хватит! Всё, разошлись!

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Она всем хвастается своими Лабубу!

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Вы обе в кабинет психолога. И быстро!

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Она первая начала!

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Да блин, помолчи! Это не я!

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Пришла со своей Лабубу и начала всё обсирать!

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Ты обсираешь моих Лабубу каждый день, шмара!

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Ну, любите врагов ваших,

благословляйте проклинающих вас.

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Пусть не болтает, что мои Лабубу подделки!

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Простите, а что такое Лабубу?

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Такие игрушки-монстрики.

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Их продают в коробках, не знаешь, что попадётся.

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Может повезти,

и получишь Золотую Лабубу в пижаме.

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Блин, это такая милота!

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Уписаться какая, да!

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Что ж, давайте-ка вы отдадите мне

куклы до конца учебного дня.

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- Это нечестно!

- Это нечестно!

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Идите на перемену.

Заберёте Лабубу после занятий.

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Пипец, а он вообще психолог?

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Ага, Иисус полный отсос.

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Наш старый психолог был круче.

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Ага, вот сюда ещё лепи.

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Вот тут ещё сыплется!

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Мы теперь короли замка! Впустите нас!

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Привет, Баттерс.

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Здравствуй, Рэд.

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Я просто хотела узнать,

какие у тебя планы на выходные.

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У-у меня?

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Да.

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Я буду отмечать день рождения у себя дома.

Хочу тебя пригласить. Ты придёшь?

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Ты щас про меня?

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Хотя, ну да. Глупость какая-то.

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Зря спросила. Забудь.

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Нет, я хочу потусить на твоём дне рождения, Рэд.

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Правда? Придёшь?

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Ну конечно!

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Как здорово! Я напишу тебе подробности.

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Хорошо, Рэд, до встречи там.

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Супер. И отправлю свой вишлист тоже,

на случай если захочешь что-то подарить.

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Конечно!

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С ума сойти, парни! Рэд хочет со мной тусоваться!

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Это невероятно!

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Бро, ты ей правда нравишься.

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«Буду рада увидеть тебя в субботу».

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Ого!

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Я и Рэд?!

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Везунчик.

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«А вот мой вишлист подарков».

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«Именно такая Лабубу».

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Охренеть, парни, кажется, я...

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В субботу узнаю, рыжий ли у рыжей Рэд кустик!

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- Кла-асс!

- Кла-асс!

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«ШАЙ-ЛЮШИЙ» ПОП-АП МАГАЗИН

00:04:41,900 --> 00:04:44,340

Добро пожаловать в «Шай-Люший» поп-ап магазин.

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Что заказываем?

00:04:46,900 --> 00:04:49,310

Что? У вас же раньше тут была лапша «Ху и Ло».

00:04:49,860 --> 00:04:54,030

Это страна измениться.

Новости не знаете? «Вок мёртв»!

00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:56,710

Теперь магазин. Чего вам надо?

00:04:57,080 --> 00:05:01,690

У нас есть брелки для ключей и телефонов,

аниме-фигурки. Всё шай-люшее.

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Знаете, я пришёл к вам за Лабубу.

00:05:04,310 --> 00:05:06,330

Ага-ага, все обожают Лабубу.

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Они не всегда в наличии.

00:05:08,140 --> 00:05:10,120

Очень дорого из-за тарифов!

00:05:10,450 --> 00:05:11,840

Поймите, дело серьёзное.

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У меня новая девушка,

и она хочет такую Лабубу в подарок.

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Очень редкая Лабубу.

Такая может быть только в секретной коробке!

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Секретная, да?

00:05:21,530 --> 00:05:23,220

Здрасьте, а вы подаёте еду?

00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:26,010

Нет-нет! Вок мёртв, вы новости не смотреть?

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А нельзя её просто купить?

00:05:29,380 --> 00:05:30,670

Нет, так нельзя.

00:05:30,740 --> 00:05:34,450

Покупаешь коробку,

открываешь и надеешься, что там такая.

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Сколько стоит эта коробка?

00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:37,870

Восемьдесят пять.

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Восемьдесят пять?!

00:05:39,450 --> 00:05:44,010

Да, налог-то надо платить.

Думаешь, я его плачу? Нет-нет, ТЫ платишь!

00:05:44,570 --> 00:05:45,610

Дайте мне одну.

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Ты же используешь детей!

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Они много переплачивают за Лабубу!

00:05:54,180 --> 00:05:56,980

Жена, заткнись!

Кто-то должен тарифы платить!

00:05:57,140 --> 00:05:59,570

Лучше опять оранжевого цыплёнка делать!

00:05:59,910 --> 00:06:03,000

Вок мёртв, сучка тупая! Хватит меня пилить уже!

00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:06,300

Да ну блин! Эта же не та!

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Ну да, это просто Радостная Лабубу.

00:06:08,700 --> 00:06:10,030

Часто попадается, очень.

00:06:10,210 --> 00:06:11,910

Пробуй ещё за восемьдесят пять.

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Плачу столько же,

и может опять попасться не то, что надо?

00:06:15,870 --> 00:06:17,860

Это не я, это ваше правительство!

00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:20,800

Не меня тарифы дерут, вас тарифы дерут!

00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:23,150

Китайцы называют это «горячая картошка».

00:06:24,710 --> 00:06:26,880

Вы смотрите Fox News!

00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:32,450

Президент только что вернулся

с исторически важного саммита по тарифам.

00:06:32,890 --> 00:06:35,410

Наш президент хорош собой, как никогда.

00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:39,900

А вот и Князь Тьмы,

который путешествует вместе с президентом.

00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:45,230

Президент сошёл с рейса номер один

и говорит с разнообразной толпой репортёров.

00:06:45,250 --> 00:06:46,580

Господин президент! Сюда!

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Госп-господин президент,

как прошло обсуждение тарифов?

00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:50,910

Да шикарно, приятель.

00:06:51,350 --> 00:06:52,950

- Меня! Меня!

- Господин президент!

00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:55,290

Господин президент, мы все так хотим узнать...

00:06:55,620 --> 00:06:59,540

Ваша жена, Мелания,

живёт в Нью-Йорке, далеко от Белого дома.

00:06:59,690 --> 00:07:00,250

Всё так!

00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:04,020

И зрители Fox News так хотят знать...

00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,560

Вы трахаете Сатану?

00:07:07,310 --> 00:07:09,410

Нет! Да не трахаю я Сатану!

00:07:09,570 --> 00:07:11,950

Мы с ним просто тусуемся.

00:07:12,180 --> 00:07:13,700

Да ладно, президент Трамп.

00:07:13,950 --> 00:07:17,960

Учитывая всё, что вы делаете,

все думают, что вы трахаете Сатану.

00:07:18,140 --> 00:07:19,830

Да не трахаю я Сатану!

00:07:19,930 --> 00:07:21,100

Пошли уже, прошу.

00:07:25,030 --> 00:07:26,520

Он трахает Сатану.

00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:29,590

Он точно трахает Сатану. Настоящий жеребец!

00:07:29,890 --> 00:07:31,240

Класс, Fox News!

00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:32,976

КАБИНЕТ СОВЕЩАНИЙ ПЕДСОВЕТА

00:07:33,010 --> 00:07:34,030

Переходим к делу.

00:07:34,300 --> 00:07:37,880

Как вы знаете, в школы нашей страны

возвращают христианскую мораль.

00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:41,550

Наш новый школьный психолог

хочет высказаться. Давай, Иисус.

00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:50,100

Что-то я никак не пойму, почему девочки

стали столько драться из-за этих Лабубу?

00:07:50,450 --> 00:07:51,104

- Ой, жуть.

- Да-да.

00:07:51,130 --> 00:07:51,490

Кошмар.

00:07:51,510 --> 00:07:52,540

Ох эти Лабубу.

00:07:52,630 --> 00:07:54,060

Дети по ним с ума сходят.

00:07:54,620 --> 00:07:57,600

Я правда не понимаю, почему они всем так нравятся.

00:07:58,020 --> 00:08:00,120

Да это просто очередная мода и всё.

00:08:00,150 --> 00:08:02,580

Очень трудно найти самые необычные.

00:08:02,650 --> 00:08:05,380

А ещё теперь все дети делают TikTokи с Лабубу.

00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:06,750

TikTok с Лабубу?

00:08:07,190 --> 00:08:09,710

Сами делают и сами смотрят. Я включу.

00:08:09,750 --> 00:08:11,810

Вот Келли Бронсон из класса миссис Тёрнер.

00:08:12,890 --> 00:08:15,840

Всем приветики! Это ещё одна распаковка Лабубу.

00:08:15,930 --> 00:08:18,410

Я купила её онлайн. И это точно не Лафуфу.

00:08:18,460 --> 00:08:19,770

Потому что тут QR код.

00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:22,090

Сейчас мы её откроем. Надеюсь, редкая!

00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:23,950

Если да, то мне точно крышу снесёт!

00:08:24,370 --> 00:08:26,200

Что там? Что там? Скорей!

00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:32,180

Господи боже!

00:08:32,260 --> 00:08:33,340

Обалдеть!!!

00:08:33,870 --> 00:08:35,920

Так, ну всё! Начинаем ритуал!

00:08:56,230 --> 00:08:57,130

Какого чёрта?

00:08:57,580 --> 00:08:59,780

Это TikTok с распаковкой Лабубу.

00:08:59,930 --> 00:09:01,280

Дети по ним с ума сходят.

00:09:02,300 --> 00:09:04,670

Да это же жуткий сатанинский ритуал!

00:09:04,860 --> 00:09:06,620

Ну да, Лабубу — одержимы.

00:09:06,740 --> 00:09:07,760

Чёрная магия, ага.

00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:12,080

Не знаю, из Китая такие приходят,

или дети в них впускают шумерских демонов.

00:09:12,190 --> 00:09:13,230

Месопотамских.

00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:15,390

Точно. Что именно не так, Иисус?

00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:20,550

Бро, это не нормально!

00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:21,980

Дети в опасности!

00:09:22,630 --> 00:09:24,780

Поэтому в школе и нужен психолог.

00:09:32,250 --> 00:09:34,770

«ШАЙ-ЛЮШИЙ» ПОП-АП МАГАЗИН

00:09:38,370 --> 00:09:40,760

Добро пожаловать в «Шай-Люший» поп-ап. Что вам?

00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:44,940

У меня восемьдесят восемь долларов

и сорок два цента. Нужна коробка.

00:09:45,250 --> 00:09:48,630

Извини, секретная коробка

с Лабубу стоит сто двадцать.

00:09:48,780 --> 00:09:50,570

Что?! Было восемьдесят пять!

00:09:50,810 --> 00:09:54,540

Да-да, но тариф расти!

Никак не угадаешь, бред полный.

00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:55,880

Но так же нельзя!

00:09:55,990 --> 00:09:57,900

Да что ты? Тарифы нечестные!

00:09:57,970 --> 00:10:00,640

Прошу вас, сэр! Вечеринка моей девушки сегодня!

00:10:00,690 --> 00:10:02,230

Мне нужна эта Лабубу!

00:10:02,340 --> 00:10:03,170

Умоляю!

00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:05,440

Тише, ничего страшного! Я знаю!

00:10:06,020 --> 00:10:07,820

Хочешь секретную за меньше денег?

00:10:08,370 --> 00:10:09,760

Попробуй тот автомат!

00:10:10,540 --> 00:10:11,390

Ну же, рискни!

00:10:11,620 --> 00:10:15,890

Если достанешь секретную коробку,

сможешь в ней найти ту самую Лабубу!

00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:29,240

Эх, почти получилось! Ещё раз!

00:10:29,590 --> 00:10:30,570

Вот же блин!

00:10:33,730 --> 00:10:35,810

Ну нельзя же так! Они дети!

00:10:35,870 --> 00:10:37,080

Опять начинаешь...

00:10:37,260 --> 00:10:40,210

Сраные тарифы меня дерут,

приходится драть детей!

00:10:40,490 --> 00:10:41,880

Чего тебе непонятно?

00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:46,410

Ты накликаешь беду на наш ресторан!

00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:49,690

Вок назада не вернётся, сука! Вок — в бедность дорог!

00:10:51,270 --> 00:10:52,304

КАБИНЕТ ПСИХОЛОГА

00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:54,770

Спасибо, что пришли, миссис Пакстон, миссис Грей.

00:10:55,520 --> 00:11:00,640

Я вызвал вас в школу, потому что ваши дочери

устроили серьёзную драку из-за Лабубу.

00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:02,630

Что думаете делать?

00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:08,130

Я думал о том, чтобы мы совместными

усилиями спасли их от Лабубу.

00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:10,610

Чудесно. Просто отобрать Лабубу.

00:11:10,620 --> 00:11:11,770

Вы точно психолог?

00:11:12,330 --> 00:11:17,850

Послушайте, я подозреваю,

что дети проводят с Лабубу некий ритуал.

00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:20,240

Для ритуала подходят только редкие.

00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:22,860

С ними девчонки вызывают тёмные силы.

00:11:23,330 --> 00:11:24,820

Вы знали, что они одержимы?!

00:11:25,130 --> 00:11:27,090

Ну да, а что делать?!

00:11:27,330 --> 00:11:32,470

Дочь увидела в TikTok, как Келли Миллер

призывает демона, и тоже захотела.

00:11:33,630 --> 00:11:35,480

Келли Миллер призвала демона?!

00:11:35,790 --> 00:11:37,160

Не знаю, она повесилась.

00:11:37,490 --> 00:11:39,970

Может, не давать девочкам сидеть в TikTok?!

00:11:40,220 --> 00:11:43,880

Ага, не пускать детей в TikTok. Тоже мне психолог!

00:11:44,050 --> 00:11:45,010

У вас дети есть?

00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:45,810

У меня нет.

00:11:46,190 --> 00:11:46,880

Заметно.

00:11:46,910 --> 00:11:50,670

Заведёте - посмотрим, как будете

прятать от них TikTok и поп-ап магазины.

00:11:51,070 --> 00:11:53,520

Подождите, что за поп-ап магазины?

00:11:53,950 --> 00:11:56,110

Там девочки покупают себе Лабубу.

00:11:56,380 --> 00:11:57,650

Откуда он взялся такой?

00:11:57,960 --> 00:11:59,580

Мы же говорили, он отстой!

00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:04,620

С вами срочный выпуск на Fox News!

00:12:05,010 --> 00:12:10,307

Пока весь мир обсуждает американские тарифы,

американцев мучает другой вопрос:

00:12:10,310 --> 00:12:12,980

неужели президент Трамп трахает Сатану?

00:12:13,350 --> 00:12:17,100

Президента всё реже видят с женой,

и всё чаще с новым другом.

00:12:17,420 --> 00:12:22,320

И весь мир уже думает:

«Ну по-любому Дональд Трамп трахает Сатану».

00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:26,820

Для тех, кто не уверен,

что президент Трамп трахает Сатану,

00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:31,210

Fox News достал материалы,

где президент Трамп вроде как трахает Сатану.

00:12:31,630 --> 00:12:35,040

Это вчера на корте,

где президент героически играл в гольф.

00:12:35,240 --> 00:12:38,780

Сами видите, как Сатана уходит в кусты,

а президент Трамп за ним.

00:12:39,130 --> 00:12:41,040

Он трахает Сатану. Карен, что думаешь?

00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:45,610

Что президент точно трахает Сатану,

и я просто в восторге!

00:12:45,860 --> 00:12:49,860

Конечно, многие американцы считают,

что президент не может трахать Сатану.

00:12:50,130 --> 00:12:53,780

Мы пригласили эксперта по языку тела,

он объяснит, что это возможно.

00:12:54,170 --> 00:12:57,210

Итак, если господин президент

Трамп трахает Сатану,

00:12:57,260 --> 00:12:58,990

а я не утверждаю и не отрицаю.

00:12:59,010 --> 00:13:00,700

Надеюсь, да...

00:13:00,930 --> 00:13:03,450

И тогда скорее всего он заходит к нему сзади.

00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:08,900

У Сатаны мощное телосложение,

так что президенту пришлось бы запрыгивать и...

00:13:09,710 --> 00:13:13,920

Наш президент делает то,

что никто до него не делал! Обожаю его!

00:13:14,020 --> 00:13:18,190

Даже если не верите, что президент

трахает Сатану, он бы вот так трахал!

00:13:18,330 --> 00:13:20,580

«ШАЙ-ЛЮШИЙ» ПОП-АП МАГАЗИН

00:13:30,220 --> 00:13:33,310

Добро пожаловать в «Шай-Люший»

поп-ап магазин! Что желаете?

00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:37,290

Так это вы продаёте эти Лабубу моим ученикам?

00:13:38,010 --> 00:13:38,820

Вот чёрт.

00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:41,620

Не я виноват, что цены такие «шай-люшие»!

00:13:41,660 --> 00:13:43,010

Лабубу очень дорогие!

00:13:43,210 --> 00:13:45,420

Вы продаёте детям проклятые игрушки!

00:13:45,580 --> 00:13:46,790

Я знаю, что прокляты!

00:13:46,850 --> 00:13:49,190

Это всё тарифы. Передаёшь дальше.

00:13:49,220 --> 00:13:52,010

Меня прокляли, а я вас. Это как СПИД!

00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:53,670

Охренеть! Я нашёл!

00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:55,640

Нашёл очень редкую!

00:13:56,270 --> 00:13:57,730

Что? Как? Я не понял.

00:13:57,850 --> 00:14:01,190

Такую моя девушка хочет!

Пойду к ней на день рождения!

00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:03,540

Дитя моё, брось её, она опасна!

00:14:03,590 --> 00:14:06,200

Так, нет, стоп, это суперредкая Лабубу!

00:14:06,330 --> 00:14:08,980

Стоит долларов шестьсот! Плати тариф больше!

00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:12,850

Не заставляй его платить! Он её выиграл!

00:14:13,340 --> 00:14:15,430

Да мать твою, свали уже нахрен!

00:14:15,460 --> 00:14:16,610

Слушайте меня оба!

00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:18,690

Происходят очень серьёзные вещи!

00:14:19,250 --> 00:14:21,630

Дитя моё, нельзя нести её на праздник!

00:14:23,610 --> 00:14:24,840

Сунь-чара, куда делася?

00:14:46,930 --> 00:14:47,530

Сатана.

00:14:49,020 --> 00:14:50,450

А почему ты грустишь?

00:14:52,300 --> 00:14:55,440

Я хочу сбежать подальше из этого места.

00:14:57,190 --> 00:14:58,480

Я тебя не понимаю.

00:14:59,270 --> 00:15:02,710

Если ты не хочешь тут быть, почему ты тут?

00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:07,670

Меня прибили к этому берегу

тёмные течение рока.

00:15:08,650 --> 00:15:12,400

Я пытался уйти месяцы тому назад, но не могу.

00:15:13,710 --> 00:15:16,260

Из-за того, что внутри этого ящика.

00:15:19,870 --> 00:15:21,170

И что в ящике?

00:15:22,170 --> 00:15:27,660

Тайна, которую нужно хранить от всех,

но скоро она станет явью.

00:15:28,930 --> 00:15:31,220

Я уже чувствую ветер перемен.

00:15:32,370 --> 00:15:35,340

До решающей схватки осталось недолго.

00:15:40,250 --> 00:15:43,790

С ДНЁМ РОЖДЕНИЯ, РЭД!!!

00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:56,760

С днём рождения, Рэд!

00:15:57,090 --> 00:15:57,620

Баттерс.

00:15:58,210 --> 00:15:58,750

Как?..

00:15:59,140 --> 00:16:00,720

Это то, что я думаю?!

00:16:00,940 --> 00:16:03,210

Придётся тебе открыть его и узнать самой.

00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:05,080

Ничего себе...

00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:12,900

Я люблю тебя, Баттерс!!!

00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:13,930

Класс!

00:16:15,060 --> 00:16:16,240

Это та самая, девочки!

00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:17,770

- Обалдеть!

- Какая крутая!

00:16:17,910 --> 00:16:19,490

Ну какая же прелесть!

00:16:19,510 --> 00:16:21,350

Теперь у меня есть самая редкая!

00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:22,340

Спасибо, Баттерс!

00:16:22,570 --> 00:16:24,060

Ну и? Ты это сделаешь?

00:16:24,430 --> 00:16:26,590

Прямо ща! Идём наверх и за дело!

00:16:26,900 --> 00:16:28,280

Что-что мы будем делать?

00:16:28,290 --> 00:16:29,660

В мою комнату, Баттерс!

00:16:29,690 --> 00:16:30,530

О боже мой!

00:16:32,100 --> 00:16:34,450

Если хотите посмотреть, как мы это делаем, за нами!

00:16:34,750 --> 00:16:35,190

Хотим!

00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:35,620

Да!

00:16:36,310 --> 00:16:37,800

Как-то всё быстро, Рэд!

00:16:38,180 --> 00:16:38,624

Стой!

00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:48,800

Начальная школа Саус Парка. Мы уже закрыты.

00:16:49,020 --> 00:16:51,600

Бев, у кого из учениц сегодня день рождения?

00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:53,530

А вы кто?

00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:54,780

Это я, Иисус!

00:16:56,050 --> 00:16:56,360

Кто?

00:16:56,980 --> 00:16:58,050

Школьный психолог!

00:16:59,350 --> 00:17:03,040

Не знаю я, у кого.

Этим вообще-то психолог и занимался.

00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,960

Проверь по записям. Пожалуйста.

00:17:06,930 --> 00:17:09,590

Жди. Теперь ещё и твою работу делаю.

00:17:11,550 --> 00:17:15,410

Так, ну всё. Боже мой,

как я счастлива наконец это сделать!

00:17:15,690 --> 00:17:18,470

Ну... Я, наверное, тоже буду счастлив, Рэд.

00:17:18,990 --> 00:17:22,480

Всё вроде готово. Держи, будешь на видео снимать.

00:17:22,850 --> 00:17:24,490

Может, сначала поцелуемся?

00:17:25,370 --> 00:17:27,910

Приветики-букетики! Это мой TikTok Лабубу!

00:17:28,210 --> 00:17:30,460

У меня суперредкая. Получится? Узнаем.

00:17:30,660 --> 00:17:31,860

Мы хотим посмотреть.

00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:33,270

Заходите девчонки, да!

00:17:37,010 --> 00:17:38,580

Лабубу! Лабубу!

00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:40,360

Лабубу! Лабубу!

00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:41,700

Божечки мои-и.

00:17:41,710 --> 00:17:42,760

Лабубу! Лабубу!

00:17:45,130 --> 00:17:45,960

Господи!

00:17:55,300 --> 00:17:56,900

Лабубу! Лабубу!

00:17:57,010 --> 00:18:00,480

Лабубу! Лабубу!

00:18:00,620 --> 00:18:01,590

Получилось!

00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:08,950

Взываю к демоническим силам!

00:18:09,010 --> 00:18:11,390

Явитесь пред нами на моей дэ-рэшке!

00:18:11,540 --> 00:18:12,870

Как же офигенно!

00:18:15,750 --> 00:18:17,140

Та-да-а!

00:18:19,610 --> 00:18:21,260

И вот это трахает Сатану?

00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:23,940

Нет, да не трахаю я Сатану!

00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:31,850

Это мегасрочный выпуск на Fox News!!!

00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:35,160

Возможно, только что

Трампа и Сатану видели вместе!

00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:38,380

По слухам, они в небольшом городке

в Скалистых горах.

00:18:38,390 --> 00:18:40,260

Спросим нашего коллегу из Колорадо.

00:18:41,220 --> 00:18:44,950

Да уж, тут огромные чёрные тучи,

и роями летает саранча.

00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:47,520

Наверняка очередная вечеринка с Лабубу.

00:18:47,790 --> 00:18:51,660

А президент с Сатаной обычно

появляются на таких мероприятиях.

00:18:51,820 --> 00:18:54,470

У нас есть люди в небе. Парни, ну что там?

00:18:55,170 --> 00:18:58,130

Сами видите, как маленькие девочки бегают и орут.

00:18:58,190 --> 00:19:00,650

Президент выходит из дома на лужайку...

00:19:00,660 --> 00:19:01,760

Да, за ним Сатана!

00:19:01,850 --> 00:19:03,350

Они точно тусуются вместе.

00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:05,510

Ну всё, уходим!

00:19:06,690 --> 00:19:07,520

Люцифер!

00:19:10,270 --> 00:19:11,030

Что ж...

00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:13,110

И вот он ты.

00:19:13,930 --> 00:19:17,260

Что бы ты ни творил, Сатана, уж я-то узнаю.

00:19:19,210 --> 00:19:24,500

Похоже, Иисус Христос явился туда же,

и намечается библейская битва!

00:19:24,650 --> 00:19:29,110

Я лицезрел твои злодеяния, Сатана.

Велю тебе покинуть эти земли!

00:19:29,470 --> 00:19:33,640

Думаешь, я сам уйти не хочу?!

Только вот я привязан к нему!

00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:35,600

В смысле, привязан?

00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:37,770

Ну ладно. Всё. Слушайте!

00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:40,040

Хотите правду знать?

00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:44,880

Да! Мы с ним вместе!

00:19:45,540 --> 00:19:48,970

Мы вместе уже несколько месяцев.

Я хочу уйти от него.

00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:50,140

Только не могу!

00:19:51,120 --> 00:19:51,780

Потому что..

00:19:53,450 --> 00:19:54,560

Я беремен.

00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,460

РЕЗУЛЬТАТ: БЕРЕМЕННОСТЬ

00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:04,640

Он беременный?

00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:08,368

Теперь все всё знают.

00:20:08,470 --> 00:20:12,410

Мне придётся быть с ним рядом ещё несколько лет.

00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:21,130

Сатана оказался в ловушке в Белом Доме,

потому что он беремен.

00:20:21,700 --> 00:20:25,680

Давайте спросим нашего эксперта,

возможно ли вообще такое.

00:20:26,170 --> 00:20:31,740

Видите ли, демоны беременеют слегка иначе.

Верный термин: «задёныш».

00:20:32,370 --> 00:20:36,540

Значит, всё же да.

Сатана вынашивает ребёнка президента.

00:20:37,120 --> 00:20:42,840

Fox News теперь официально заявляет,

что президент Трамп уже давно насаживал Сатану.

00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:43,620

Да!

00:20:43,850 --> 00:20:44,570

Да!!!

00:20:44,580 --> 00:20:46,020

Великий день для Fox News!

00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:47,270

Ура Fox News!

00:20:48,050 --> 00:20:50,930

Всем, кто сомневался, что Трамп трахает Сатану —

00:20:51,610 --> 00:20:52,500

Выкусите!

00:20:53,010 --> 00:20:56,830

Мы на связи с Кид Роком.

Кид, вас захлестнули эмоции?

00:20:57,290 --> 00:21:01,370

Я-я, если честно, до последнего не верил,

что президент насаживал Сатану.

00:21:01,420 --> 00:21:06,760

Но теперь я узнал, что он трахал его

всё это время и, Господи, как я счастлив!

00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:10,590

НАЧАЛЬНАЯ ШКОЛА САУС ПАРКА

00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:13,800

Надеюсь, дети, вы усвоили ценный урок:

00:21:14,500 --> 00:21:18,870

если заниматься всяким забыв про безопасность,

встретитесь с последствиями.

00:21:21,820 --> 00:21:24,200

Я сексом долго не буду заниматься!

00:21:24,290 --> 00:21:25,950

А я бросаю эти Лабубу.

00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:30,460

Это отлично. Потому что я решил

запретить Лабубу в школе.

00:21:30,730 --> 00:21:32,940

И TikTok. И мобильные телефоны.

00:21:33,410 --> 00:21:35,940

Идите в класс, оба наказаны на две недели.

00:21:36,430 --> 00:21:37,410

Вот блин!

00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:40,450

Новый психолог какой-то мудак.

00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:42,700

Да, но точно лучше предыдущего.

00:21:43,530 --> 00:21:48,520

Переведено студией HDrezka Studio.

00:00:12,316 --> 00:00:13,490

♪ I'm goin' down

to South Park ♪

00:00:13,491 --> 00:00:15,449

♪ Gonna have myself a time

00:00:15,450 --> 00:00:16,929

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:17,060 --> 00:00:18,844

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:18,931 --> 00:00:20,063

♪ I'm goin' down

to South Park ♪

00:00:20,150 --> 00:00:21,933

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:21,934 --> 00:00:23,719

♪ Ample parking day

or night ♪

00:00:23,849 --> 00:00:25,503

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor" ♪

00:00:25,634 --> 00:00:26,722

♪ I'm headin' on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:26,852 --> 00:00:28,854

♪ Gonna see

if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:32,119 --> 00:00:33,336

♪ Come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:33,337 --> 00:00:35,165

♪ And meet some friends

of mine ♪

00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:45,306

Betsy! Betsy!

Guess what?

00:00:45,393 --> 00:00:47,263

My dad took me

to the Asian pop-up store.

00:00:47,264 --> 00:00:48,439

Look what I got.

00:00:48,526 --> 00:00:50,789

Serenity Labubu.

00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:53,009

- Oh, it's so cute!

- Isn't it?

00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:54,488

I was at

the Asian pop-up too.

00:00:54,489 --> 00:00:55,577

No way!

00:00:55,707 --> 00:00:57,056

Yeah, look what I got.

00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,753

The Loyalty Labubu!

00:00:58,754 --> 00:01:01,017

Oh, my God, it's so cute!

00:01:01,148 --> 00:01:03,279

- I know, right?

- Yeah, I love it.

00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:05,239

Oh, dude, dude,

check it out.

00:01:05,326 --> 00:01:06,327

It's about to happen again.

00:01:06,457 --> 00:01:07,762

Ah, shit.

00:01:07,763 --> 00:01:10,113

I actually have

Loyalty Labubu already,

00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:11,548

and I have a little costume

for it.

00:01:11,549 --> 00:01:13,769

That is seriously so cute.

00:01:13,899 --> 00:01:15,945

Kenny, you guys,

girls with Labubus.

00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,163

It's about to happen again.

00:01:17,164 --> 00:01:19,078

Come on!

00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,471

And then, believe it or not,

00:01:20,558 --> 00:01:23,126

I actually have

Chestnut Cocoa Labubu.

00:01:23,213 --> 00:01:25,736

No way!

That is the rarest one.

00:01:25,737 --> 00:01:27,217

Isn't it so cute?

00:01:27,348 --> 00:01:29,915

So thinking cute!

But it's really rare.

00:01:30,002 --> 00:01:31,047

Are you sure

it's not a knockoff?

00:01:31,134 --> 00:01:32,135

Oh, dog, here we go.

00:01:32,266 --> 00:01:33,788

Yeah, I checked.

00:01:33,789 --> 00:01:35,921

If anyone's fake, it's probably

yours, you fat bitch.

00:01:36,008 --> 00:01:37,619

- Suck it, skank!

- Eat shit!

00:01:37,749 --> 00:01:38,794

Stupid slut!

00:01:40,665 --> 00:01:41,710

Ahh!

00:01:43,886 --> 00:01:44,843

Yeah, yeah!

00:01:47,324 --> 00:01:48,847

- Yeah, yeah!

- Hey!

00:01:48,978 --> 00:01:51,240

Hey, hey, hey, hey,

break it up, break it up!

00:01:51,241 --> 00:01:53,722

She's rubbing everyone's

noses in her Labubus.

00:01:53,809 --> 00:01:57,246

Both of you to the

counselor's office, now!

00:01:57,247 --> 00:01:59,162

- She totally started it!

- I did not.

00:01:59,293 --> 00:02:00,729

Shut up. I did not.

00:02:00,816 --> 00:02:02,513

She came up to me

at my locker with her Labubu

00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:04,035

and started talking shit.

00:02:04,036 --> 00:02:07,083

You talk shit about

my Labubus every day, whore.

00:02:08,389 --> 00:02:09,868

Um...

00:02:09,999 --> 00:02:11,653

yea, love your enemies

00:02:11,783 --> 00:02:13,742

and pray for those

who persecute you.

00:02:13,829 --> 00:02:16,352

Tell her to stop saying

my Labubus are knockoffs.

00:02:16,353 --> 00:02:19,748

I-I'm sorry,

what is a Labubu?

00:02:19,835 --> 00:02:21,401

It's a little

monster accessory.

00:02:21,402 --> 00:02:22,620

They come in blind boxes,

00:02:22,751 --> 00:02:24,187

so you never know

which one you're gonna get.

00:02:24,318 --> 00:02:25,623

Like, you could just luck out

00:02:25,754 --> 00:02:27,581

and get a Time to Chill

Pajama Gold Labubu.

00:02:27,582 --> 00:02:29,018

Oh, my God,

that one is so cute.

00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,367

It's so cute, right?

00:02:31,368 --> 00:02:32,847

Uh, all right, ladies,

00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:34,631

w-why don't you just

give me the dolls

00:02:34,632 --> 00:02:36,198

until the end

of the school day?

00:02:36,199 --> 00:02:37,635

both: That's not fair!

00:02:37,766 --> 00:02:38,984

Go on out to recess.

00:02:39,071 --> 00:02:40,856

You can pick up your Labubus

after school.

00:02:40,986 --> 00:02:43,640

Wow. What kind of counseling

was that?

00:02:43,641 --> 00:02:45,643

I don't know, Jesus sucks, dude.

00:02:45,774 --> 00:02:47,992

Our old counselor

was so much better.

00:03:00,092 --> 00:03:01,441

Yeah, yeah, yeah,

get some more over there.

00:03:01,442 --> 00:03:03,051

This side's starting to fall.

00:03:03,052 --> 00:03:04,400

We are the kings

of the castle!

00:03:04,401 --> 00:03:05,794

Let us in!

00:03:05,881 --> 00:03:07,230

Hey, Butters.

00:03:07,361 --> 00:03:10,364

Oh, well, uh, hey, Red.

00:03:10,451 --> 00:03:12,888

Um, I was just wondering

00:03:13,018 --> 00:03:14,411

what you're doing this weekend.

00:03:18,241 --> 00:03:19,459

Who, me?

00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:20,895

Yeah.

00:03:20,896 --> 00:03:22,723

Um, I'm having a birthday party

at my house,

00:03:22,724 --> 00:03:26,858

and I was seeing if maybe

you'd want to come hang out?

00:03:28,947 --> 00:03:30,687

You're talking about me?

00:03:30,688 --> 00:03:32,646

Yeah, I don't know,

it's probably stupid.

00:03:32,647 --> 00:03:34,388

I shouldn't have asked.

Never mind.

00:03:34,518 --> 00:03:36,215

No, no, I'd love to come

hang out with you

00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:37,259

on your birthday, Red.

00:03:37,260 --> 00:03:38,260

Really? You would?

00:03:38,261 --> 00:03:39,261

Well, sure!

00:03:39,262 --> 00:03:40,697

Okay, that's great.

00:03:40,698 --> 00:03:42,133

I'll text you all the details.

00:03:42,134 --> 00:03:44,005

Okay, Red,

I'll see you there.

00:03:44,006 --> 00:03:45,616

Okay, and um,

00:03:45,747 --> 00:03:47,356

maybe I'll text you

my birthday wishlist, too,

00:03:47,357 --> 00:03:49,098

in case, you know,

you want to get me a present.

00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,969

Sure thing!

00:03:54,277 --> 00:03:55,713

Oh, my God, you guys,

00:03:55,844 --> 00:03:57,671

Red wants to hang out with me!

00:03:57,672 --> 00:03:59,586

That's incredible!

00:03:59,587 --> 00:04:01,328

Bro, it seems like

she really likes you.

00:04:03,591 --> 00:04:05,984

"Really excited

to see you Saturday."

00:04:06,071 --> 00:04:07,290

Whoa.

00:04:07,421 --> 00:04:09,423

Me and Red.

- Lucky.

00:04:10,902 --> 00:04:14,514

"Here is my birthday

gift wishlist."

00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:19,259

"This exact Labubu."

00:04:21,565 --> 00:04:26,004

Holy shit, you guys,

you know what I think?

00:04:26,135 --> 00:04:28,484

I think on Saturday I'm gonna

find out if red-haired girls

00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:29,746

have a red bush!

00:04:29,747 --> 00:04:31,358

- Wow!

- Wow!

00:04:33,534 --> 00:04:34,969

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

00:04:42,151 --> 00:04:44,458

Welcome to

City Asian Pop-Up Store.

00:04:44,545 --> 00:04:46,981

Can I take a order, please?

00:04:46,982 --> 00:04:49,811

Wait, didn't this place

used to be City Wok?

00:04:49,941 --> 00:04:51,987

Yeah, but whole country

change.

00:04:52,117 --> 00:04:52,944

Didn't you hear the news?

00:04:53,075 --> 00:04:54,641

Wok is dead.

00:04:54,642 --> 00:04:57,253

This City Pop-Up now.

What do you like to have?

00:04:57,384 --> 00:04:58,775

We got City Pop-up

key chains,

00:04:58,776 --> 00:05:00,169

City cell phone charm,

00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:01,910

City anime sculpture.

00:05:01,997 --> 00:05:04,215

Well, actually,

I'm looking for a Labubu.

00:05:04,216 --> 00:05:06,480

Ah, yeah,

everyone love Labubu.

00:05:06,567 --> 00:05:08,219

They real hard

to keep in stock.

00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:10,396

Very expensive

'cause of tariffs.

00:05:10,397 --> 00:05:12,050

You know, uh,

it's really important.

00:05:12,181 --> 00:05:13,487

I got this new girlfriend,

00:05:13,617 --> 00:05:15,924

and she wants this specific

Labubu for her birthday.

00:05:16,011 --> 00:05:18,012

Oh, that very rare Labubu.

00:05:18,013 --> 00:05:20,189

You only find that

in a mystery box.

00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,712

Mystery box?

00:05:21,799 --> 00:05:23,584

Hi. Are you guys

still serving food?

00:05:23,671 --> 00:05:25,933

No, no, no, Wok is dead.

Haven't you heard the news?

00:05:27,588 --> 00:05:29,371

Can't I just buy this Labubu?

00:05:29,372 --> 00:05:30,852

No, that not the way it work.

00:05:30,982 --> 00:05:32,983

You buy mystery box,

you open it,

00:05:32,984 --> 00:05:34,595

hopefully you get

the one you want.

00:05:34,725 --> 00:05:36,378

Okay, how much

is a mystery box?

00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:38,337

$85.

00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:39,426

85?

00:05:39,556 --> 00:05:41,384

Yeah, you gotta pay tariff.

00:05:41,471 --> 00:05:42,819

You think I pay tariff?

No, no, no, no.

00:05:42,820 --> 00:05:44,169

You pay tariff.

00:05:44,256 --> 00:05:45,606

Well, okay, I'll take one.

00:06:00,055 --> 00:06:02,143

Yeah, well, Wok is dead,

you stupid bitch!

00:06:02,144 --> 00:06:03,493

Stop nagging me!

00:06:03,624 --> 00:06:04,886

Ah, dang it!

00:06:05,016 --> 00:06:06,540

This is the wrong one!

00:06:06,670 --> 00:06:08,759

Oh, yeah, that just

Happiness Labubu.

00:06:08,846 --> 00:06:10,194

Very common. Very common.

00:06:10,195 --> 00:06:12,066

You try again, $85.

00:06:12,067 --> 00:06:14,285

I have to pay another $85

00:06:14,286 --> 00:06:15,984

and I still might not get

the one I want?

00:06:16,071 --> 00:06:18,072

Hey, it's not me,

it's your government.

00:06:18,073 --> 00:06:19,378

I don't get fucked by tariff.

00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,075

You get fucked by tariff.

00:06:21,076 --> 00:06:23,905

In China, we call that

hot potato.

00:06:25,428 --> 00:06:27,298

You're watching Fox News.

00:06:27,299 --> 00:06:29,780

The president

has just returned

00:06:29,911 --> 00:06:32,913

from his historic

tariff summit overseas.

00:06:32,914 --> 00:06:35,829

There's the president now,

looking handsome as ever.

00:06:35,830 --> 00:06:37,745

Oh, and there's

the Prince of Darkness,

00:06:37,875 --> 00:06:40,878

who's been traveling with the

president as of late.

00:06:40,965 --> 00:06:42,966

The president has made his way

off of Air Force One

00:06:42,967 --> 00:06:45,186

and will now speak to

a diverse crowd of reporters.

00:06:46,928 --> 00:06:49,625

Mr. Pre--Mr. President,

how did the tariff meetings go?

00:06:49,626 --> 00:06:51,367

Ah, they went great, buddy!

00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:55,893

Mr. President, we're all

dying to know something.

00:06:55,980 --> 00:06:58,286

Your wife, Melania, has been

staying in New York

00:06:58,287 --> 00:06:59,679

and away from the White House.

00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:00,942

That's right!

00:07:01,072 --> 00:07:04,119

Well, what Fox News really

wants to know is

00:07:04,249 --> 00:07:06,077

are you fucking Satan?

00:07:07,339 --> 00:07:09,516

No! I'm not fucking Satan!

00:07:09,646 --> 00:07:12,127

We're just

sorta hanging out.

00:07:12,257 --> 00:07:14,042

Oh, come on, President Trump.

00:07:14,129 --> 00:07:15,565

With everything

you've been doing,

00:07:15,696 --> 00:07:18,046

pretty much the whole country

thinks you're fucking Satan now.

00:07:18,133 --> 00:07:19,830

I'm not fucking Satan!

00:07:19,917 --> 00:07:22,311

Can we go, please?

00:07:24,966 --> 00:07:26,837

He is fucking Satan.

00:07:26,924 --> 00:07:28,752

That guy's definitely

fucking Satan.

00:07:28,883 --> 00:07:29,840

What a stud.

00:07:29,927 --> 00:07:31,886

Yeah, Fox News!

00:07:33,104 --> 00:07:34,366

All right, everyone, listen up,

00:07:34,497 --> 00:07:36,150

As you know, there's a lot

being done in the country

00:07:36,151 --> 00:07:38,066

to bring Christian values

back to our schools.

00:07:38,153 --> 00:07:39,763

Our new school counselor

has some concerns

00:07:39,894 --> 00:07:40,764

that I understand

he'd like to voice.

00:07:40,895 --> 00:07:41,809

Go ahead, Jesus.

00:07:44,115 --> 00:07:46,640

Well, I'm just a bit confused

00:07:46,770 --> 00:07:48,772

about the dramatic rise

in fist fighting

00:07:48,903 --> 00:07:50,382

over these Labubus.

00:07:50,513 --> 00:07:51,558

- Oh, yeah.

- Oh, yeah.

00:07:51,688 --> 00:07:52,733

Oh, the Labubus.

00:07:52,863 --> 00:07:54,777

Kids go nuts for 'em.

00:07:54,778 --> 00:07:58,128

I just don't quite understand

what the fascination is.

00:07:58,129 --> 00:08:00,392

Well, they're just the new fad

of the month, you know.

00:08:00,523 --> 00:08:02,960

They make them scarce

and hard to find a secret one.

00:08:03,047 --> 00:08:05,527

Yeah, and then all the kids

make their Labubu TikToks.

00:08:05,528 --> 00:08:07,181

Labubu TikTok?

00:08:07,182 --> 00:08:08,749

Yeah, the kids make 'em

and they watch 'em.

00:08:08,879 --> 00:08:10,184

I can pull one up.

00:08:10,185 --> 00:08:12,883

This is Kelly Bronson

from Mrs. Turner's class.

00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:15,929

Hey, guys, this is another

Labubu unboxing video!

00:08:15,930 --> 00:08:17,192

I got this Labubu online.

00:08:17,322 --> 00:08:18,497

I'm pretty sure

it's not a Lafufu.

00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:19,977

I got the QR code right here.

00:08:20,108 --> 00:08:21,979

We're gonna see what we got.

Hope it's a rare one.

00:08:22,110 --> 00:08:24,154

If it is, I'm absolutely

gonna freak out.

00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:26,549

Okay, let's see,

let's see, let's see!

00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:28,942

♪ Labu ♪

00:08:30,771 --> 00:08:32,120

Oh, my God!

00:08:32,250 --> 00:08:33,991

Oh, my God!

00:08:34,122 --> 00:08:35,992

Okay, okay,

let's start the ritual.

00:08:35,993 --> 00:08:37,167

♪ Labubu

00:08:37,168 --> 00:08:40,563

♪ Labu-bu

00:08:40,650 --> 00:08:43,391

♪ La-bula-bula-bu-bu-bu-bu ♪

00:08:43,392 --> 00:08:46,176

♪ La-bula-bula-bu-bu-bu-bu

00:08:46,177 --> 00:08:48,005

♪ Labubu, Labubu

00:08:56,013 --> 00:08:57,448

What the hell was that?

00:08:57,449 --> 00:08:59,973

That's a Labubu

unboxing TikTok.

00:08:59,974 --> 00:09:02,237

Kids go nuts for 'em.

00:09:02,367 --> 00:09:04,805

But that's, like,

some dark Satanic ritual.

00:09:04,935 --> 00:09:06,588

Oh, yeah, Labubus are demonic.

00:09:06,589 --> 00:09:08,025

Yeah, dark magic.

00:09:08,156 --> 00:09:09,678

I don't know if they come that

way from China,

00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:12,247

or the kids are infusing them

with some Sumerian dark entity.

00:09:12,377 --> 00:09:13,683

It's Mesopotamian.

00:09:13,814 --> 00:09:15,598

Got it. So what are your

major concerns, Jesus?

00:09:18,166 --> 00:09:19,340

Bro.

00:09:19,341 --> 00:09:20,821

That's not normal.

00:09:20,951 --> 00:09:22,518

These kids are in trouble.

00:09:22,649 --> 00:09:25,216

Yeah, that's why every school

needs a counselor.

00:09:38,665 --> 00:09:40,754

Welcome City Pop-Up.

Take order, please.

00:09:40,841 --> 00:09:43,669

I have $88.42 in here.

00:09:43,670 --> 00:09:45,235

I need to buy

another mystery box.

00:09:45,236 --> 00:09:48,631

Oh, sorry,

Labubu mystery box $120.

00:09:48,762 --> 00:09:50,677

What?

It was $85!

00:09:50,807 --> 00:09:52,504

Yeah, yeah, tariffs when up!

00:09:52,635 --> 00:09:54,636

You never know with tariffs.

They make no sense.

00:09:54,637 --> 00:09:55,986

But that's not fair!

00:09:56,073 --> 00:09:58,074

Yeah, no shit,

tariffs not fair!

00:09:58,075 --> 00:10:00,643

Please, sir, my girlfriend's

party is today,

00:10:00,730 --> 00:10:02,165

and I have to get

the Labubu she wants.

00:10:02,166 --> 00:10:03,297

Please!

00:10:03,298 --> 00:10:04,342

It's okay, it's okay.

00:10:04,429 --> 00:10:05,909

I have idea.

00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:08,129

You want mystery box

for cheap price?

00:10:08,259 --> 00:10:10,348

You use claw machine.

00:10:10,435 --> 00:10:11,697

You try your luck.

00:10:11,698 --> 00:10:13,742

Use claw machine

to get a mystery box,

00:10:13,743 --> 00:10:16,876

open it up, hopefully

you get good Labubu you want.

00:10:17,878 --> 00:10:19,487

♪ Labubu

00:10:19,488 --> 00:10:22,230

♪ Labu-labu-labu

00:10:22,317 --> 00:10:24,101

♪ Labubu ♪

00:10:24,232 --> 00:10:27,103

♪ Labu-labu-labu-labu ♪

00:10:27,104 --> 00:10:28,409

Oh, you so close.

00:10:28,410 --> 00:10:29,454

Try again.

00:10:29,585 --> 00:10:32,109

Oh, jeez.

00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:34,068

♪ Labubu ♪

00:10:35,896 --> 00:10:37,549

Oh, here we go.

00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:40,378

I get screwed by tariffs,

so I have to screw the children!

00:10:40,509 --> 00:10:41,945

What do you not understand?

00:10:46,733 --> 00:10:48,429

Yeah, well, Wok's not

coming back, bitch!

00:10:48,430 --> 00:10:49,953

Go wok, go brok!

00:10:50,084 --> 00:10:51,651

♪ Labu ♪

00:10:52,695 --> 00:10:55,393

Thank you for coming,

Mrs. Paxton, Mrs. Gray.

00:10:55,524 --> 00:10:58,569

The reason I called you in today

is because your girls were

00:10:58,570 --> 00:11:01,355

in a major altercation

over their Labubus.

00:11:01,356 --> 00:11:03,793

Okay, so what are you gonna

do about it?

00:11:03,924 --> 00:11:06,013

Well, I was hoping

we could work together

00:11:06,143 --> 00:11:08,579

to maybe just keep them away

from the Labubus.

00:11:08,580 --> 00:11:10,712

Oh, sure, just take

their Labubus away.

00:11:10,713 --> 00:11:12,366

Great counseling.

00:11:12,367 --> 00:11:14,978

Look, I have reason to believe

that the students are using

00:11:15,109 --> 00:11:18,199

Labubus for some kind of...

ritual.

00:11:18,329 --> 00:11:20,636

Yeah, but to do that, you have

to have a super rare one.

00:11:20,767 --> 00:11:22,943

They're the only ones

girls can use in dark rituals.

00:11:23,073 --> 00:11:25,118

You know that they're demonic?

00:11:25,119 --> 00:11:27,512

Yeah.

What are we supposed to do?

00:11:27,599 --> 00:11:30,080

My daughter sees Kelly Miller

summoning demonic forces

00:11:30,211 --> 00:11:33,561

on TikTok, then she wants to be

like Kelly Miller.

00:11:33,562 --> 00:11:35,782

Did Kelly Miller

summon demonic forces?

00:11:35,912 --> 00:11:37,609

I don't know,

she hung herself.

00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:40,308

Well, we should probably keep

the girls off of TikTok.

00:11:40,395 --> 00:11:42,179

Oh, yeah,

just keep 'em off TikTok.

00:11:42,310 --> 00:11:43,964

That's some clever

counseling there.

00:11:44,094 --> 00:11:46,096

- Do you have kids?

- No, I don't.

00:11:46,183 --> 00:11:47,794

- Figures.

- Well, when you do,

00:11:47,924 --> 00:11:49,230

you try and keep 'em off

of TikTok

00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:51,101

and out of

the Asian pop-up store.

00:11:51,188 --> 00:11:53,974

Wait,

what is an Asian pop-up store?

00:11:54,061 --> 00:11:56,366

That's where the girls get

all the Labubus.

00:11:56,367 --> 00:11:57,846

Where did they find this guy?

00:11:57,847 --> 00:11:59,936

We told you he was

a crappy counselor

00:12:01,895 --> 00:12:04,985

This is a Fox News Alert!

00:12:05,072 --> 00:12:07,988

As debates

on American tariffs continue,

00:12:08,075 --> 00:12:10,468

the question on every

American's mind tonight,

00:12:10,599 --> 00:12:13,427

is President Trump

fucking Satan?

00:12:13,428 --> 00:12:15,603

The president's been seen less

and less with his wife

00:12:15,604 --> 00:12:17,475

and more often with his new pal,

00:12:17,606 --> 00:12:19,434

making people

all around the world say,

00:12:19,564 --> 00:12:22,828

"Donald Trump has got to be

fucking Satan, for sure."

00:12:22,829 --> 00:12:24,960

Well, for all of us

who are still skeptical

00:12:24,961 --> 00:12:26,962

that President Trump

is fucking Satan,

00:12:26,963 --> 00:12:28,704

Fox News has obtained

some footage

00:12:28,835 --> 00:12:31,662

of President Trump seeming

to be fucking Satan.

00:12:31,663 --> 00:12:33,361

This was at

a golf course yesterday

00:12:33,448 --> 00:12:35,450

where the president was

heroically golfing.

00:12:35,580 --> 00:12:37,452

You can just make out Satan

going behind a bush

00:12:37,582 --> 00:12:39,149

and President Trump

right there--

00:12:39,236 --> 00:12:41,282

he's fucking Satan.

Karen, what do you think?

00:12:41,412 --> 00:12:43,806

I think the president is

definitely fucking Satan,

00:12:43,937 --> 00:12:45,939

and I love it.

00:12:46,069 --> 00:12:47,679

Of course, a lot of Americans

still argue

00:12:47,810 --> 00:12:50,203

there's no way the president

could be fucking Satan.

00:12:50,204 --> 00:12:52,205

So we have a body language

expert to show us

00:12:52,206 --> 00:12:54,120

just how it is possible.

00:12:54,121 --> 00:12:57,167

Well, if Mr. President Trump

is fucking Satan--

00:12:57,254 --> 00:12:58,994

and I'm not saying

if he is or isn't.

00:12:58,995 --> 00:13:01,214

I'm just kinda hoping he is--

00:13:01,215 --> 00:13:03,869

he mostly likely

is coming in from the back.

00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:06,349

Now, Satan has a pretty large

physical presence,

00:13:06,350 --> 00:13:08,482

so we're pretty sure President

Trump would have to get on top

00:13:08,483 --> 00:13:09,832

and--

- Ah!

00:13:09,919 --> 00:13:11,485

Oh, my God, the president

is doing things

00:13:11,486 --> 00:13:12,616

no other president

has done before.

00:13:12,617 --> 00:13:14,357

I love him.

00:13:14,358 --> 00:13:16,272

If you don't think President

Trump is fucking Satan,

00:13:16,273 --> 00:13:18,188

this definitely proves

how he could be!

00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:32,202

Welcome to City Asian

Pop-Up Store.

00:13:32,289 --> 00:13:33,769

Take order, please.

00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:36,249

Are you the one that has been

selling all these Labubus

00:13:36,250 --> 00:13:37,859

to my students?

00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:39,209

Oh, boy.

00:13:39,296 --> 00:13:41,559

Look, it not my fault,

these city prices, okay?

00:13:41,690 --> 00:13:43,256

Labubus very expensive.

00:13:43,257 --> 00:13:45,475

Those dolls you are selling

are cursed!

00:13:45,476 --> 00:13:47,087

Yeah, no shit they cursed.

00:13:47,174 --> 00:13:49,523

It's called tariff.

You pass it along.

00:13:49,524 --> 00:13:50,873

I get the curse,

I put the curse on you.

00:13:51,004 --> 00:13:52,353

It's like AIDS.

00:13:52,483 --> 00:13:53,920

Oh, my God, I got it!

00:13:54,050 --> 00:13:56,226

I got the super rare!

00:13:56,313 --> 00:13:57,966

Hey, what the hell

you talking about?

00:13:57,967 --> 00:13:59,534

This is the one

my girlfriend wants!

00:13:59,664 --> 00:14:01,579

Now I can take it

to her birthday party!

00:14:01,710 --> 00:14:03,711

My child, put that down,

it's dangerous!

00:14:03,712 --> 00:14:06,454

Hey, hey, hold on,

that's super rare Labubu.

00:14:06,541 --> 00:14:09,196

That worth, like, $600.

You gotta pay more tariff.

00:14:13,330 --> 00:14:15,331

Oh, my God, will you go away?

00:14:15,332 --> 00:14:16,985

Listen, both of you!

00:14:16,986 --> 00:14:19,509

There are more important issues

at hand.

00:14:19,510 --> 00:14:21,991

My child, you cannot take that

to a birthday party.

00:14:23,558 --> 00:14:25,255

Ah, shit, where he go?

00:14:46,624 --> 00:14:48,887

Satan?

00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,847

Why are you so sad?

00:14:51,978 --> 00:14:56,895

I wish to be gone

from this place.

00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:59,202

I do not understand.

00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:01,161

If you do not want to be here,

00:15:01,291 --> 00:15:04,033

then why do you stay?

00:15:04,164 --> 00:15:08,646

I am forced to stay

by the dark tides of destiny.

00:15:08,777 --> 00:15:13,607

I wanted to leave months ago,

but I cannot

00:15:13,608 --> 00:15:17,917

because of what's in this box.

00:15:19,744 --> 00:15:21,877

What's in the box?

00:15:21,964 --> 00:15:24,880

The secret none must know,

00:15:24,967 --> 00:15:28,884

and yet, all will soon discover.

00:15:29,015 --> 00:15:32,018

I can feel the tides of change.

00:15:32,148 --> 00:15:36,022

The final showdown is upon us.

00:15:54,649 --> 00:15:56,999

Happy birthday, Red!

00:15:57,130 --> 00:15:58,435

Butters.

00:15:58,566 --> 00:16:00,916

Wait.

Is that what I think it is?

00:16:01,047 --> 00:16:04,137

Well, you'll have to wait till

you open it to find out--

00:16:04,224 --> 00:16:05,441

Oh, all right then.

00:16:11,405 --> 00:16:12,841

I love you, Butters!

00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:15,017

Wow!

00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:16,236

I got it, you guys!

00:16:16,366 --> 00:16:17,933

- Oh, wow!

- It's so cool!

00:16:18,020 --> 00:16:19,455

Oh, it's so cute!

00:16:19,456 --> 00:16:20,849

I got the super rare,

00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,459

all thanks to Butters.

00:16:22,590 --> 00:16:24,374

So are you gonna do it?

00:16:24,461 --> 00:16:26,810

Yeah! We're gonna go upstairs

and do it!

00:16:26,811 --> 00:16:28,247

Whoa! We're gonna what?

00:16:28,248 --> 00:16:29,597

Come up to my room, Butters!

00:16:29,684 --> 00:16:30,598

Oh, my God!

00:16:32,295 --> 00:16:33,514

Hey, if anyone wants

to watch us do it,

00:16:33,644 --> 00:16:34,644

come on up!

00:16:34,645 --> 00:16:36,124

- Okay, yeah.

- Great.

00:16:36,125 --> 00:16:38,040

Oh!

This is all really sudden, Red!

00:16:38,171 --> 00:16:39,214

Wait!

00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:49,094

South Park Elementary.

I'm sorry, we're closed.

00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:50,487

Bev! I need to know

which of the students

00:16:50,618 --> 00:16:52,533

has a birthday today.

00:16:52,663 --> 00:16:53,621

Who is this?

00:16:53,708 --> 00:16:55,753

It's me, Jesus!

00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:56,885

Who?

00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,321

The school counselor!

00:16:58,452 --> 00:17:01,149

Oh. I don't know who has

a birthday today.

00:17:01,150 --> 00:17:03,673

That was actually always

the counselor's job.

00:17:03,674 --> 00:17:06,807

Can you just look it up

in the school records, please?

00:17:06,808 --> 00:17:08,069

Hang on.

00:17:08,070 --> 00:17:10,420

Guess I'm doing your job

too now.

00:17:11,639 --> 00:17:13,727

Okay, okay.

Oh, my God.

00:17:13,728 --> 00:17:15,860

I'm so excited to finally do it.

00:17:15,947 --> 00:17:18,907

Well, yeah, I guess

I'm excited to do it, too, Red.

00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:20,734

Okay, I think we're all ready.

00:17:20,735 --> 00:17:22,867

Here, you take a video

of the whole thing.

00:17:22,954 --> 00:17:25,173

Whoa!

Can't we just kiss first?

00:17:25,174 --> 00:17:28,177

Hey! What's up, guys?

This is my TikTok Labubu video.

00:17:28,308 --> 00:17:30,571

I got the super rare,

so let's see if it works.

00:17:30,701 --> 00:17:32,007

Hey, we want to watch.

00:17:32,094 --> 00:17:34,140

Yeah, come on in, you guys.

00:17:36,751 --> 00:17:38,666

Labubu, Labubu.

00:17:38,753 --> 00:17:40,362

Labubu, Labubu.

00:17:40,363 --> 00:17:42,756

What the heck's going on?

all: Labubu, Labubu.

00:17:42,757 --> 00:17:44,105

Ah!

00:17:44,106 --> 00:17:46,064

Oh, God!

00:17:55,335 --> 00:17:56,945

all: Labubu, Labubu.

00:17:57,076 --> 00:18:00,557

Labubu, Labubu.

00:18:00,688 --> 00:18:02,689

Here he comes!

00:18:05,519 --> 00:18:07,173

Ah!

00:18:07,303 --> 00:18:09,000

We call the demonic forces!

00:18:09,131 --> 00:18:11,524

Appear before us

at my birthday party!

00:18:11,525 --> 00:18:12,917

This is so cool!

00:18:15,659 --> 00:18:17,531

Ta-da!

00:18:17,661 --> 00:18:19,575

all: Ew!

00:18:19,576 --> 00:18:21,404

Wait, that thing

is fucking Satan?

00:18:21,535 --> 00:18:24,363

No! I'm not fucking Satan!

00:18:28,585 --> 00:18:32,067

This is a Fox News Super Alert!

00:18:32,198 --> 00:18:35,330

We may just have another

Trump and Satan spotting.

00:18:35,331 --> 00:18:36,724

The two are rumored to be

00:18:36,811 --> 00:18:38,377

in a small mountain town

in the Rockies.

00:18:38,378 --> 00:18:40,423

Let's go to

our Colorado affiliate.

00:18:41,946 --> 00:18:43,121

Yeah, guys,

there's definitely black clouds

00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:45,340

and swarms of locusts here.

00:18:45,341 --> 00:18:47,777

Um, probably another

Labubu party.

00:18:47,778 --> 00:18:49,431

You know,

whenever there's a Labubu party,

00:18:49,432 --> 00:18:51,825

the president and Satan

usually make an appearance.

00:18:51,826 --> 00:18:53,219

We've got our

eye in the sky now.

00:18:53,349 --> 00:18:54,742

Guys, what are you seeing?

00:18:54,829 --> 00:18:56,612

Yeah, you can see little girls

00:18:56,613 --> 00:18:58,267

running and screaming.

00:18:58,398 --> 00:19:00,182

The president just coming out

onto the front lawn--

00:19:00,313 --> 00:19:01,836

and yes, there is Satan.

00:19:01,966 --> 00:19:03,881

They're definitely

hanging out.

00:19:03,968 --> 00:19:06,579

Come on, let's go!

00:19:06,580 --> 00:19:09,104

Lucifer!

00:19:10,236 --> 00:19:11,410

So...

00:19:11,411 --> 00:19:13,803

it is you.

00:19:13,804 --> 00:19:15,936

Just what are you doing,

Satan?

00:19:15,937 --> 00:19:17,633

I will know.

00:19:19,506 --> 00:19:22,422

Okay, it looks like Jesus

Christ is now on the scene

00:19:22,552 --> 00:19:24,814

for some kind of

biblical showdown.

00:19:24,815 --> 00:19:27,077

I have seen your evil at work,

Satan.

00:19:27,078 --> 00:19:29,602

I bid you leave this realm

at once.

00:19:29,603 --> 00:19:31,822

You think

I don't want to leave?

00:19:31,953 --> 00:19:33,911

I am bound to him!

00:19:33,998 --> 00:19:35,825

Bound to him how?

00:19:35,826 --> 00:19:38,568

All right, fine! Here!

00:19:38,655 --> 00:19:41,049

You all want to know the truth?

00:19:42,877 --> 00:19:45,271

Yes! We're together!

00:19:45,401 --> 00:19:47,402

We've been together for months,

00:19:47,403 --> 00:19:50,841

and I want to leave him,

but I can't

00:19:50,972 --> 00:19:53,148

because...

00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:54,802

I'm pregnant.

00:20:03,637 --> 00:20:05,420

He's pregnant?

00:20:05,421 --> 00:20:06,596

Whoa.

00:20:06,683 --> 00:20:08,511

So now you all know.

00:20:08,642 --> 00:20:11,035

I am forced to stay

in this situation

00:20:11,122 --> 00:20:12,950

for several more years.

00:20:16,345 --> 00:20:19,522

Uh, Satan is saying he's been

trapped at the White House

00:20:19,653 --> 00:20:21,742

because he's pregnant.

00:20:21,872 --> 00:20:23,700

Uh, let's get

our science expert in here

00:20:23,831 --> 00:20:26,050

to see if

that's actually possible.

00:20:26,137 --> 00:20:29,532

Yeah, uh, demonic pregnancies

work a little different.

00:20:29,663 --> 00:20:32,360

The term is "butt baby."

00:20:32,361 --> 00:20:33,927

All right, well,

that seems to be it.

00:20:33,928 --> 00:20:37,192

Satan is pregnant with the

president's child.

00:20:37,279 --> 00:20:39,977

So Fox News can now confirm

00:20:40,108 --> 00:20:43,111

Donald Trump has been fucking

Satan this whole time.

00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,503

Yeah!

00:20:44,504 --> 00:20:45,808

This is a great day

for Fox News.

00:20:45,809 --> 00:20:48,115

Yes, Fox News!

00:20:48,116 --> 00:20:49,726

For all the doubters

who thought Donald Trump

00:20:49,857 --> 00:20:51,337

wasn't fucking Satan,

00:20:51,467 --> 00:20:52,990

in your face!

00:20:53,121 --> 00:20:54,862

We're gonna check in now

with Kid Rock.

00:20:54,949 --> 00:20:57,342

Kid, you must be overcome

with emotion.

00:20:57,343 --> 00:20:59,692

I just--

I just honestly didn't think

00:20:59,693 --> 00:21:01,956

the president was fucking Satan,

but

00:21:02,086 --> 00:21:04,872

now knowing that he has been

this whole time,

00:21:04,959 --> 00:21:07,830

I'm just so happy.

00:21:11,357 --> 00:21:13,967

Well, I hope you guys

learned a valuable lesson.

00:21:13,968 --> 00:21:16,971

If you mess around

and you aren't safe,

00:21:17,101 --> 00:21:19,887

it can have really

big consequences.

00:21:21,889 --> 00:21:24,282

Yeah, I'm not having sex

for a long time.

00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:26,196

And I'm done with Labubus.

00:21:26,197 --> 00:21:28,547

Well, that's good,

because as your counselor,

00:21:28,548 --> 00:21:30,680

I'm banning Labubus from school.

00:21:30,767 --> 00:21:33,379

And TikTok.

And cell phones.

00:21:33,509 --> 00:21:34,597

Now get back to class.

00:21:34,728 --> 00:21:36,251

You both have detention

for two weeks.

00:21:36,338 --> 00:21:38,471

Oh, man!

00:21:38,601 --> 00:21:40,733

Wow, new counselor's

kind of a dick.

00:21:40,734 --> 00:21:43,824

Yeah, but he's better

than the last guy.

00:21:47,393 --> 00:21:49,482

♪ Labubu

00:21:49,569 --> 00:21:51,614

♪ La, labu-labu ♪

00:00:08,834 --> 00:00:12,186

[theme music]

00:00:12,316 --> 00:00:13,490

- ♪ I'm goin' down

to South Park ♪

00:00:13,491 --> 00:00:15,449

♪ Gonna have myself a time

00:00:15,450 --> 00:00:16,929

- ♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:17,060 --> 00:00:18,844

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:18,931 --> 00:00:20,063

- ♪ I'm goin' down

to South Park ♪

00:00:20,150 --> 00:00:21,933

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:21,934 --> 00:00:23,719

- ♪ Ample parking day

or night ♪

00:00:23,849 --> 00:00:25,503

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor" ♪

00:00:25,634 --> 00:00:26,722

- ♪ I'm headin' on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:26,852 --> 00:00:28,854

♪ Gonna see

if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:28,985 --> 00:00:32,118

- ♪ [mumbling] ♪

00:00:32,119 --> 00:00:33,336

- ♪ Come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:33,337 --> 00:00:35,165

♪ And meet some friends

of mine ♪

00:00:39,213 --> 00:00:42,433

[twangy guitar music]

00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:45,306

- Betsy! Betsy!

Guess what?

00:00:45,393 --> 00:00:47,263

My dad took me

to the Asian pop-up store.

00:00:47,264 --> 00:00:48,439

Look what I got.

00:00:48,526 --> 00:00:50,789

Serenity Labubu.

00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:53,009

- Oh, it's so cute!

- Isn't it?

00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:54,488

- I was at

the Asian pop-up too.

00:00:54,489 --> 00:00:55,577

- No way!

00:00:55,707 --> 00:00:57,056

- Yeah, look what I got.

00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,753

The Loyalty Labubu!

00:00:58,754 --> 00:01:01,017

- Oh, my God, it's so cute!

00:01:01,148 --> 00:01:03,279

- I know, right?

- Yeah, I love it.

00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:05,239

- Oh, dude, dude,

check it out.

00:01:05,326 --> 00:01:06,327

It's about to happen again.

00:01:06,457 --> 00:01:07,762

- Ah, shit.

00:01:07,763 --> 00:01:10,113

- I actually have

Loyalty Labubu already,

00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:11,548

and I have a little costume

for it.

00:01:11,549 --> 00:01:13,769

- That is seriously so cute.

00:01:13,899 --> 00:01:15,945

- Kenny, you guys,

girls with Labubus.

00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,163

It's about to happen again.

00:01:17,164 --> 00:01:19,078

- [muffled speech]

- Come on!

00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,471

- And then, believe it or not,

00:01:20,558 --> 00:01:23,126

I actually have

Chestnut Cocoa Labubu.

00:01:23,213 --> 00:01:25,736

- No way!

That is the rarest one.

00:01:25,737 --> 00:01:27,217

- Isn't it so cute?

00:01:27,348 --> 00:01:29,915

- So thinking cute!

But it's really rare.

00:01:30,002 --> 00:01:31,047

Are you sure

it's not a knockoff?

00:01:31,134 --> 00:01:32,135

- Oh, dog, here we go.

00:01:32,266 --> 00:01:33,788

- Yeah, I checked.

00:01:33,789 --> 00:01:35,921

If anyone's fake, it's probably

yours, you fat bitch.

00:01:36,008 --> 00:01:37,619

- Suck it, skank!

- Eat shit!

00:01:37,749 --> 00:01:38,794

- Stupid slut!

00:01:38,924 --> 00:01:40,535

[screaming, cheering]

00:01:40,665 --> 00:01:41,710

- Ahh!

00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:43,755

- [screams]

00:01:43,886 --> 00:01:44,843

- Yeah, yeah!

00:01:44,930 --> 00:01:47,194

[blows landing]

00:01:47,324 --> 00:01:48,847

- Yeah, yeah!

- Hey!

00:01:48,978 --> 00:01:51,240

Hey, hey, hey, hey,

break it up, break it up!

00:01:51,241 --> 00:01:53,722

- She's rubbing everyone's

noses in her Labubus.

00:01:53,809 --> 00:01:57,246

- Both of you to the

counselor's office, now!

00:01:57,247 --> 00:01:59,162

- She totally started it!

- I did not.

00:01:59,293 --> 00:02:00,729

Shut up. I did not.

00:02:00,816 --> 00:02:02,513

- She came up to me

at my locker with her Labubu

00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:04,035

and started talking shit.

00:02:04,036 --> 00:02:07,083

- You talk shit about

my Labubus every day, whore.

00:02:08,389 --> 00:02:09,868

- Um...

00:02:09,999 --> 00:02:11,653

yea, love your enemies

00:02:11,783 --> 00:02:13,742

and pray for those

who persecute you.

00:02:13,829 --> 00:02:16,352

- Tell her to stop saying

my Labubus are knockoffs.

00:02:16,353 --> 00:02:19,748

- I-I'm sorry,

what is a Labubu?

00:02:19,835 --> 00:02:21,401

- It's a little

monster accessory.

00:02:21,402 --> 00:02:22,620

- They come in blind boxes,

00:02:22,751 --> 00:02:24,187

so you never know

which one you're gonna get.

00:02:24,318 --> 00:02:25,623

- Like, you could just luck out

00:02:25,754 --> 00:02:27,581

and get a Time to Chill

Pajama Gold Labubu.

00:02:27,582 --> 00:02:29,018

- Oh, my God,

that one is so cute.

00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,367

- It's so cute, right?

00:02:31,368 --> 00:02:32,847

- Uh, all right, ladies,

00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:34,631

w-why don't you just

give me the dolls

00:02:34,632 --> 00:02:36,198

until the end

of the school day?

00:02:36,199 --> 00:02:37,635

both: That's not fair!

00:02:37,766 --> 00:02:38,984

- Go on out to recess.

00:02:39,071 --> 00:02:40,856

You can pick up your Labubus

after school.

00:02:40,986 --> 00:02:43,640

- Wow. What kind of counseling

was that?

00:02:43,641 --> 00:02:45,643

- I don't know, Jesus sucks, dude.

00:02:45,774 --> 00:02:47,992

- Our old counselor

was so much better.

00:02:47,993 --> 00:02:50,952

[melancholy music]

00:02:50,953 --> 00:02:56,828

♪

00:02:56,959 --> 00:03:00,005

[kids screaming]

00:03:00,092 --> 00:03:01,441

- Yeah, yeah, yeah,

get some more over there.

00:03:01,442 --> 00:03:03,051

- This side's starting to fall.

00:03:03,052 --> 00:03:04,400

- We are the kings

of the castle!

00:03:04,401 --> 00:03:05,794

Let us in!

00:03:05,881 --> 00:03:07,230

- Hey, Butters.

00:03:07,361 --> 00:03:10,364

- Oh, well, uh, hey, Red.

00:03:10,451 --> 00:03:12,888

- Um, I was just wondering

00:03:13,018 --> 00:03:14,411

what you're doing this weekend.

00:03:18,241 --> 00:03:19,459

- Who, me?

00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:20,895

- Yeah.

00:03:20,896 --> 00:03:22,723

Um, I'm having a birthday party

at my house,

00:03:22,724 --> 00:03:26,858

and I was seeing if maybe

you'd want to come hang out?

00:03:28,947 --> 00:03:30,687

- You're talking about me?

00:03:30,688 --> 00:03:32,646

- Yeah, I don't know,

it's probably stupid.

00:03:32,647 --> 00:03:34,388

I shouldn't have asked.

Never mind.

00:03:34,518 --> 00:03:36,215

- No, no, I'd love to come

hang out with you

00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:37,259

on your birthday, Red.

00:03:37,260 --> 00:03:38,260

- Really? You would?

00:03:38,261 --> 00:03:39,261

- Well, sure!

00:03:39,262 --> 00:03:40,697

- Okay, that's great.

00:03:40,698 --> 00:03:42,133

I'll text you all the details.

00:03:42,134 --> 00:03:44,005

- Okay, Red,

I'll see you there.

00:03:44,006 --> 00:03:45,616

- Okay, and um,

00:03:45,747 --> 00:03:47,356

maybe I'll text you

my birthday wishlist, too,

00:03:47,357 --> 00:03:49,098

in case, you know,

you want to get me a present.

00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,969

- Sure thing!

00:03:54,277 --> 00:03:55,713

Oh, my God, you guys,

00:03:55,844 --> 00:03:57,671

Red wants to hang out with me!

00:03:57,672 --> 00:03:59,586

- That's incredible!

00:03:59,587 --> 00:04:01,328

- Bro, it seems like

she really likes you.

00:04:01,458 --> 00:04:03,504

[phone chimes]

00:04:03,591 --> 00:04:05,984

BUTTERS: "Really excited

to see you Saturday."

00:04:06,071 --> 00:04:07,290

Whoa.

00:04:07,421 --> 00:04:09,423

Me and Red.

- Lucky.

00:04:09,510 --> 00:04:10,772

[notification swooshes]

00:04:10,902 --> 00:04:14,514

BUTTERS: "Here is my birthday

gift wishlist."

00:04:14,515 --> 00:04:16,255

[notifications swoosh]

00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:19,259

"This exact Labubu."

00:04:21,565 --> 00:04:26,004

Holy shit, you guys,

you know what I think?

00:04:26,135 --> 00:04:28,484

I think on Saturday I'm gonna

find out if red-haired girls

00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:29,746

have a red bush!

00:04:29,747 --> 00:04:31,358

- Wow!

- Wow!

00:04:31,488 --> 00:04:33,447

[upbeat music]

00:04:33,534 --> 00:04:34,969

- ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

00:04:34,970 --> 00:04:36,580

[singing in foreign language]

00:04:36,667 --> 00:04:42,150

♪ ♪

00:04:42,151 --> 00:04:44,458

- Welcome to

City Asian Pop-Up Store.

00:04:44,545 --> 00:04:46,981

Can I take a order, please?

00:04:46,982 --> 00:04:49,811

- Wait, didn't this place

used to be City Wok?

00:04:49,941 --> 00:04:51,987

- Yeah, but whole country

change.

00:04:52,117 --> 00:04:52,944

Didn't you hear the news?

00:04:53,075 --> 00:04:54,641

Wok is dead.

00:04:54,642 --> 00:04:57,253

This City Pop-Up now.

What do you like to have?

00:04:57,384 --> 00:04:58,775

We got City Pop-up

key chains,

00:04:58,776 --> 00:05:00,169

City cell phone charm,

00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:01,910

City anime sculpture.

00:05:01,997 --> 00:05:04,215

- Well, actually,

I'm looking for a Labubu.

00:05:04,216 --> 00:05:06,480

- Ah, yeah,

everyone love Labubu.

00:05:06,567 --> 00:05:08,219

They real hard

to keep in stock.

00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:10,396

Very expensive

'cause of tariffs.

00:05:10,397 --> 00:05:12,050

- You know, uh,

it's really important.

00:05:12,181 --> 00:05:13,487

I got this new girlfriend,

00:05:13,617 --> 00:05:15,924

and she wants this specific

Labubu for her birthday.

00:05:16,011 --> 00:05:18,012

- Oh, that very rare Labubu.

00:05:18,013 --> 00:05:20,189

You only find that

in a mystery box.

00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,712

- Mystery box?

00:05:21,799 --> 00:05:23,584

- Hi. Are you guys

still serving food?

00:05:23,671 --> 00:05:25,933

- No, no, no, Wok is dead.

Haven't you heard the news?

00:05:25,934 --> 00:05:27,587

♪

00:05:27,588 --> 00:05:29,371

- Can't I just buy this Labubu?

00:05:29,372 --> 00:05:30,852

- No, that not the way it work.

00:05:30,982 --> 00:05:32,983

You buy mystery box,

you open it,

00:05:32,984 --> 00:05:34,595

hopefully you get

the one you want.

00:05:34,725 --> 00:05:36,378

- Okay, how much

is a mystery box?

00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:38,337

- $85.

00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:39,426

- 85?

00:05:39,556 --> 00:05:41,384

- Yeah, you gotta pay tariff.

00:05:41,471 --> 00:05:42,819

You think I pay tariff?

No, no, no, no.

00:05:42,820 --> 00:05:44,169

You pay tariff.

00:05:44,256 --> 00:05:45,606

- Well, okay, I'll take one.

00:05:45,736 --> 00:05:48,957

♪ ♪

00:06:00,055 --> 00:06:02,143

- Yeah, well, Wok is dead,

you stupid bitch!

00:06:02,144 --> 00:06:03,493

Stop nagging me!

00:06:03,624 --> 00:06:04,886

[package tears]

BUTTERS: Ah, dang it!

00:06:05,016 --> 00:06:06,540

This is the wrong one!

00:06:06,670 --> 00:06:08,759

- Oh, yeah, that just

Happiness Labubu.

00:06:08,846 --> 00:06:10,194

Very common. Very common.

00:06:10,195 --> 00:06:12,066

You try again, $85.

00:06:12,067 --> 00:06:14,285

- I have to pay another $85

00:06:14,286 --> 00:06:15,984

and I still might not get

the one I want?

00:06:16,071 --> 00:06:18,072

- Hey, it's not me,

it's your government.

00:06:18,073 --> 00:06:19,378

I don't get fucked by tariff.

00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,075

You get fucked by tariff.

00:06:21,076 --> 00:06:23,905

In China, we call that

hot potato.

00:06:24,035 --> 00:06:25,297

[dynamic music]

00:06:25,428 --> 00:06:27,298

ANNOUNCER:

You're watching Fox News.

00:06:27,299 --> 00:06:29,780

REPORTER: The president

has just returned

00:06:29,911 --> 00:06:32,913

from his historic

tariff summit overseas.

00:06:32,914 --> 00:06:35,829

There's the president now,

looking handsome as ever.

00:06:35,830 --> 00:06:37,745

Oh, and there's

the Prince of Darkness,

00:06:37,875 --> 00:06:40,878

who's been traveling with the

president as of late.

00:06:40,965 --> 00:06:42,966

The president has made his way

off of Air Force One

00:06:42,967 --> 00:06:45,186

and will now speak to

a diverse crowd of reporters.

00:06:45,187 --> 00:06:46,927

[reporters clamoring]

00:06:46,928 --> 00:06:49,625

- Mr. Pre--Mr. President,

how did the tariff meetings go?

00:06:49,626 --> 00:06:51,367

- Ah, they went great, buddy!

00:06:51,454 --> 00:06:53,108

[reporters clamoring]

00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:55,893

- Mr. President, we're all

dying to know something.

00:06:55,980 --> 00:06:58,286

Your wife, Melania, has been

staying in New York

00:06:58,287 --> 00:06:59,679

and away from the White House.

00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:00,942

- That's right!

00:07:01,072 --> 00:07:04,119

- Well, what Fox News really

wants to know is

00:07:04,249 --> 00:07:06,077

are you fucking Satan?

00:07:07,339 --> 00:07:09,516

- No! I'm not fucking Satan!

00:07:09,646 --> 00:07:12,127

- We're just

sorta hanging out.

00:07:12,257 --> 00:07:14,042

- Oh, come on, President Trump.

00:07:14,129 --> 00:07:15,565

With everything

you've been doing,

00:07:15,696 --> 00:07:18,046

pretty much the whole country

thinks you're fucking Satan now.

00:07:18,133 --> 00:07:19,830

- I'm not fucking Satan!

00:07:19,917 --> 00:07:22,311

- Can we go, please?

00:07:24,966 --> 00:07:26,837

- He is fucking Satan.

00:07:26,924 --> 00:07:28,752

- That guy's definitely

fucking Satan.

00:07:28,883 --> 00:07:29,840

What a stud.

00:07:29,927 --> 00:07:31,886

- Yeah, Fox News!

00:07:33,104 --> 00:07:34,366

PC PRINCIPAL:

All right, everyone, listen up,

00:07:34,497 --> 00:07:36,150

As you know, there's a lot

being done in the country

00:07:36,151 --> 00:07:38,066

to bring Christian values

back to our schools.

00:07:38,153 --> 00:07:39,763

Our new school counselor

has some concerns

00:07:39,894 --> 00:07:40,764

that I understand

he'd like to voice.

00:07:40,895 --> 00:07:41,809

Go ahead, Jesus.

00:07:44,115 --> 00:07:46,640

- Well, I'm just a bit confused

00:07:46,770 --> 00:07:48,772

about the dramatic rise

in fist fighting

00:07:48,903 --> 00:07:50,382

over these Labubus.

00:07:50,513 --> 00:07:51,558

- Oh, yeah.

- Oh, yeah.

00:07:51,688 --> 00:07:52,733

- Oh, the Labubus.

00:07:52,863 --> 00:07:54,777

- Kids go nuts for 'em.

00:07:54,778 --> 00:07:58,128

- I just don't quite understand

what the fascination is.

00:07:58,129 --> 00:08:00,392

- Well, they're just the new fad

of the month, you know.

00:08:00,523 --> 00:08:02,960

- They make them scarce

and hard to find a secret one.

00:08:03,047 --> 00:08:05,527

- Yeah, and then all the kids

make their Labubu TikToks.

00:08:05,528 --> 00:08:07,181

- Labubu TikTok?

00:08:07,182 --> 00:08:08,749

- Yeah, the kids make 'em

and they watch 'em.

00:08:08,879 --> 00:08:10,184

I can pull one up.

00:08:10,185 --> 00:08:12,883

This is Kelly Bronson

from Mrs. Turner's class.

00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:15,929

- Hey, guys, this is another

Labubu unboxing video!

00:08:15,930 --> 00:08:17,192

I got this Labubu online.

00:08:17,322 --> 00:08:18,497

I'm pretty sure

it's not a Lafufu.

00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:19,977

I got the QR code right here.

00:08:20,108 --> 00:08:21,979

We're gonna see what we got.

Hope it's a rare one.

00:08:22,110 --> 00:08:24,154

If it is, I'm absolutely

gonna freak out.

00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:26,549

Okay, let's see,

let's see, let's see!

00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:28,942

- ♪ Labu ♪

00:08:28,943 --> 00:08:30,770

- [screaming]

00:08:30,771 --> 00:08:32,120

Oh, my God!

00:08:32,250 --> 00:08:33,991

Oh, my God!

00:08:34,122 --> 00:08:35,992

Okay, okay,

let's start the ritual.

00:08:35,993 --> 00:08:37,167

- ♪ Labubu

00:08:37,168 --> 00:08:40,563

♪ Labu-bu

00:08:40,650 --> 00:08:43,391

♪ La-bula-bula-bu-bu-bu-bu ♪

00:08:43,392 --> 00:08:46,176

♪ La-bula-bula-bu-bu-bu-bu

00:08:46,177 --> 00:08:48,005

♪ Labubu, Labubu

00:08:48,136 --> 00:08:50,617

[static droning,

heavy breathing]

00:08:50,747 --> 00:08:54,142

- [screaming]

00:08:56,013 --> 00:08:57,448

- What the hell was that?

00:08:57,449 --> 00:08:59,973

- That's a Labubu

unboxing TikTok.

00:08:59,974 --> 00:09:02,237

- Kids go nuts for 'em.

00:09:02,367 --> 00:09:04,805

- But that's, like,

some dark Satanic ritual.

00:09:04,935 --> 00:09:06,588

- Oh, yeah, Labubus are demonic.

00:09:06,589 --> 00:09:08,025

- Yeah, dark magic.

00:09:08,156 --> 00:09:09,678

- I don't know if they come that

way from China,

00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:12,247

or the kids are infusing them

with some Sumerian dark entity.

00:09:12,377 --> 00:09:13,683

- It's Mesopotamian.

00:09:13,814 --> 00:09:15,598

- Got it. So what are your

major concerns, Jesus?

00:09:18,166 --> 00:09:19,340

- Bro.

00:09:19,341 --> 00:09:20,821

That's not normal.

00:09:20,951 --> 00:09:22,518

These kids are in trouble.

00:09:22,649 --> 00:09:25,216

- Yeah, that's why every school

needs a counselor.

00:09:25,347 --> 00:09:28,219

[dramatic music]

00:09:28,350 --> 00:09:29,786

♪ ♪

00:09:33,094 --> 00:09:36,097

[upbeat music]

00:09:36,227 --> 00:09:38,664

[singing in foreign language]

00:09:38,665 --> 00:09:40,754

- Welcome City Pop-Up.

Take order, please.

00:09:40,841 --> 00:09:43,669

- I have $88.42 in here.

00:09:43,670 --> 00:09:45,235

I need to buy

another mystery box.

00:09:45,236 --> 00:09:48,631

- Oh, sorry,

Labubu mystery box $120.

00:09:48,762 --> 00:09:50,677

- What?

It was $85!

00:09:50,807 --> 00:09:52,504

- Yeah, yeah, tariffs when up!

00:09:52,635 --> 00:09:54,636

You never know with tariffs.

They make no sense.

00:09:54,637 --> 00:09:55,986

- But that's not fair!

00:09:56,073 --> 00:09:58,074

- Yeah, no shit,

tariffs not fair!

00:09:58,075 --> 00:10:00,643

- Please, sir, my girlfriend's

party is today,

00:10:00,730 --> 00:10:02,165

and I have to get

the Labubu she wants.

00:10:02,166 --> 00:10:03,297

Please!

00:10:03,298 --> 00:10:04,342

- It's okay, it's okay.

00:10:04,429 --> 00:10:05,909

I have idea.

00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:08,129

You want mystery box

for cheap price?

00:10:08,259 --> 00:10:10,348

You use claw machine.

00:10:10,435 --> 00:10:11,697

You try your luck.

00:10:11,698 --> 00:10:13,742

Use claw machine

to get a mystery box,

00:10:13,743 --> 00:10:16,876

open it up, hopefully

you get good Labubu you want.

00:10:16,877 --> 00:10:17,877

[upbeat music]

00:10:17,878 --> 00:10:19,487

- ♪ Labubu

00:10:19,488 --> 00:10:22,230

♪ Labu-labu-labu

00:10:22,317 --> 00:10:24,101

♪ Labubu ♪

00:10:24,232 --> 00:10:27,103

♪ Labu-labu-labu-labu ♪

00:10:27,104 --> 00:10:28,409

MR. KIM: Oh, you so close.

00:10:28,410 --> 00:10:29,454

Try again.

00:10:29,585 --> 00:10:32,109

- Oh, jeez.

00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:34,068

- ♪ Labubu ♪

00:10:35,896 --> 00:10:37,549

- Oh, here we go.

00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:40,378

I get screwed by tariffs,

so I have to screw the children!

00:10:40,509 --> 00:10:41,945

What do you not understand?

00:10:42,076 --> 00:10:42,946

- [huffs]

00:10:46,733 --> 00:10:48,429

- Yeah, well, Wok's not

coming back, bitch!

00:10:48,430 --> 00:10:49,953

Go wok, go brok!

00:10:50,084 --> 00:10:51,651

[machine beeps]

- ♪ Labu ♪

00:10:52,695 --> 00:10:55,393

JESUS: Thank you for coming,

Mrs. Paxton, Mrs. Gray.

00:10:55,524 --> 00:10:58,569

The reason I called you in today

is because your girls were

00:10:58,570 --> 00:11:01,355

in a major altercation

over their Labubus.

00:11:01,356 --> 00:11:03,793

- Okay, so what are you gonna

do about it?

00:11:03,924 --> 00:11:06,013

- Well, I was hoping

we could work together

00:11:06,143 --> 00:11:08,579

to maybe just keep them away

from the Labubus.

00:11:08,580 --> 00:11:10,712

- Oh, sure, just take

their Labubus away.

00:11:10,713 --> 00:11:12,366

Great counseling.

00:11:12,367 --> 00:11:14,978

- Look, I have reason to believe

that the students are using

00:11:15,109 --> 00:11:18,199

Labubus for some kind of...

ritual.

00:11:18,329 --> 00:11:20,636

- Yeah, but to do that, you have

to have a super rare one.

00:11:20,767 --> 00:11:22,943

- They're the only ones

girls can use in dark rituals.

00:11:23,073 --> 00:11:25,118

- You know that they're demonic?

00:11:25,119 --> 00:11:27,512

- Yeah.

What are we supposed to do?

00:11:27,599 --> 00:11:30,080

My daughter sees Kelly Miller

summoning demonic forces

00:11:30,211 --> 00:11:33,561

on TikTok, then she wants to be

like Kelly Miller.

00:11:33,562 --> 00:11:35,782

- Did Kelly Miller

summon demonic forces?

00:11:35,912 --> 00:11:37,609

- I don't know,

she hung herself.

00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:40,308

- Well, we should probably keep

the girls off of TikTok.

00:11:40,395 --> 00:11:42,179

- Oh, yeah,

just keep 'em off TikTok.

00:11:42,310 --> 00:11:43,964

That's some clever

counseling there.

00:11:44,094 --> 00:11:46,096

- Do you have kids?

- No, I don't.

00:11:46,183 --> 00:11:47,794

- Figures.

- Well, when you do,

00:11:47,924 --> 00:11:49,230

you try and keep 'em off

of TikTok

00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:51,101

and out of

the Asian pop-up store.

00:11:51,188 --> 00:11:53,974

- Wait,

what is an Asian pop-up store?

00:11:54,061 --> 00:11:56,366

- That's where the girls get

all the Labubus.

00:11:56,367 --> 00:11:57,846

- Where did they find this guy?

00:11:57,847 --> 00:11:59,936

- We told you he was

a crappy counselor

00:12:01,895 --> 00:12:04,985

ANNOUNCER:

This is a Fox News Alert!

00:12:05,072 --> 00:12:07,988

- As debates

on American tariffs continue,

00:12:08,075 --> 00:12:10,468

the question on every

American's mind tonight,

00:12:10,599 --> 00:12:13,427

is President Trump

fucking Satan?

00:12:13,428 --> 00:12:15,603

The president's been seen less

and less with his wife

00:12:15,604 --> 00:12:17,475

and more often with his new pal,

00:12:17,606 --> 00:12:19,434

making people

all around the world say,

00:12:19,564 --> 00:12:22,828

"Donald Trump has got to be

fucking Satan, for sure."

00:12:22,829 --> 00:12:24,960

- Well, for all of us

who are still skeptical

00:12:24,961 --> 00:12:26,962

that President Trump

is fucking Satan,

00:12:26,963 --> 00:12:28,704

Fox News has obtained

some footage

00:12:28,835 --> 00:12:31,662

of President Trump seeming

to be fucking Satan.

00:12:31,663 --> 00:12:33,361

This was at

a golf course yesterday

00:12:33,448 --> 00:12:35,450

where the president was

heroically golfing.

00:12:35,580 --> 00:12:37,452

You can just make out Satan

going behind a bush

00:12:37,582 --> 00:12:39,149

and President Trump

right there--

00:12:39,236 --> 00:12:41,282

he's fucking Satan.

Karen, what do you think?

00:12:41,412 --> 00:12:43,806

- I think the president is

definitely fucking Satan,

00:12:43,937 --> 00:12:45,939

and I love it.

00:12:46,069 --> 00:12:47,679

- Of course, a lot of Americans

still argue

00:12:47,810 --> 00:12:50,203

there's no way the president

could be fucking Satan.

00:12:50,204 --> 00:12:52,205

So we have a body language

expert to show us

00:12:52,206 --> 00:12:54,120

just how it is possible.

00:12:54,121 --> 00:12:57,167

- Well, if Mr. President Trump

is fucking Satan--

00:12:57,254 --> 00:12:58,994

and I'm not saying

if he is or isn't.

00:12:58,995 --> 00:13:01,214

I'm just kinda hoping he is--

00:13:01,215 --> 00:13:03,869

he mostly likely

is coming in from the back.

00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:06,349

Now, Satan has a pretty large

physical presence,

00:13:06,350 --> 00:13:08,482

so we're pretty sure President

Trump would have to get on top

00:13:08,483 --> 00:13:09,832

and--

- Ah!

00:13:09,919 --> 00:13:11,485

- Oh, my God, the president

is doing things

00:13:11,486 --> 00:13:12,616

no other president

has done before.

00:13:12,617 --> 00:13:14,357

I love him.

00:13:14,358 --> 00:13:16,272

- If you don't think President

Trump is fucking Satan,

00:13:16,273 --> 00:13:18,188

this definitely proves

how he could be!

00:13:18,275 --> 00:13:21,277

[upbeat music]

00:13:21,278 --> 00:13:25,674

[singing in foreign language]

00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:29,199

[angelic tones]

00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:32,202

- Welcome to City Asian

Pop-Up Store.

00:13:32,289 --> 00:13:33,769

Take order, please.

00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:36,249

- Are you the one that has been

selling all these Labubus

00:13:36,250 --> 00:13:37,859

to my students?

00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:39,209

- Oh, boy.

00:13:39,296 --> 00:13:41,559

Look, it not my fault,

these city prices, okay?

00:13:41,690 --> 00:13:43,256

Labubus very expensive.

00:13:43,257 --> 00:13:45,475

- Those dolls you are selling

are cursed!

00:13:45,476 --> 00:13:47,087

- Yeah, no shit they cursed.

00:13:47,174 --> 00:13:49,523

It's called tariff.

You pass it along.

00:13:49,524 --> 00:13:50,873

I get the curse,

I put the curse on you.

00:13:51,004 --> 00:13:52,353

It's like AIDS.

00:13:52,483 --> 00:13:53,920

BUTTERS: Oh, my God, I got it!

00:13:54,050 --> 00:13:56,226

I got the super rare!

00:13:56,313 --> 00:13:57,966

- Hey, what the hell

you talking about?

00:13:57,967 --> 00:13:59,534

- This is the one

my girlfriend wants!

00:13:59,664 --> 00:14:01,579

Now I can take it

to her birthday party!

00:14:01,710 --> 00:14:03,711

- My child, put that down,

it's dangerous!

00:14:03,712 --> 00:14:06,454

- Hey, hey, hold on,

that's super rare Labubu.

00:14:06,541 --> 00:14:09,196

That worth, like, $600.

You gotta pay more tariff.

00:14:13,330 --> 00:14:15,331

- Oh, my God, will you go away?

00:14:15,332 --> 00:14:16,985

- Listen, both of you!

00:14:16,986 --> 00:14:19,509

There are more important issues

at hand.

00:14:19,510 --> 00:14:21,991

My child, you cannot take that

to a birthday party.

00:14:23,558 --> 00:14:25,255

- Ah, shit, where he go?

00:14:46,624 --> 00:14:48,887

- Satan?

00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,847

Why are you so sad?

00:14:51,978 --> 00:14:56,895

- I wish to be gone

from this place.

00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:59,202

- I do not understand.

00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:01,161

If you do not want to be here,

00:15:01,291 --> 00:15:04,033

then why do you stay?

00:15:04,164 --> 00:15:08,646

- I am forced to stay

by the dark tides of destiny.

00:15:08,777 --> 00:15:13,607

I wanted to leave months ago,

but I cannot

00:15:13,608 --> 00:15:17,917

because of what's in this box.

00:15:19,744 --> 00:15:21,877

- What's in the box?

00:15:21,964 --> 00:15:24,880

- The secret none must know,

00:15:24,967 --> 00:15:28,884

and yet, all will soon discover.

00:15:29,015 --> 00:15:32,018

I can feel the tides of change.

00:15:32,148 --> 00:15:36,022

The final showdown is upon us.

00:15:41,114 --> 00:15:44,334

[upbeat music playing]

00:15:44,421 --> 00:15:48,599

[indistinct chatter]

00:15:48,730 --> 00:15:50,471

[blows landing]

00:15:50,601 --> 00:15:52,167

[doorbell rings]

00:15:52,168 --> 00:15:54,648

♪

00:15:54,649 --> 00:15:56,999

- Happy birthday, Red!

00:15:57,130 --> 00:15:58,435

- Butters.

00:15:58,566 --> 00:16:00,916

Wait.

Is that what I think it is?

00:16:01,047 --> 00:16:04,137

- Well, you'll have to wait till

you open it to find out--

00:16:04,224 --> 00:16:05,441

Oh, all right then.

00:16:05,442 --> 00:16:08,401

♪

00:16:08,402 --> 00:16:09,969

- [screaming]

00:16:11,405 --> 00:16:12,841

I love you, Butters!

00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:15,017

- Wow!

00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:16,236

- I got it, you guys!

00:16:16,366 --> 00:16:17,933

- Oh, wow!

- It's so cool!

00:16:18,020 --> 00:16:19,455

- Oh, it's so cute!

00:16:19,456 --> 00:16:20,849

- I got the super rare,

00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,459

all thanks to Butters.

00:16:22,590 --> 00:16:24,374

- So are you gonna do it?

00:16:24,461 --> 00:16:26,810

- Yeah! We're gonna go upstairs

and do it!

00:16:26,811 --> 00:16:28,247

- Whoa! We're gonna what?

00:16:28,248 --> 00:16:29,597

- Come up to my room, Butters!

00:16:29,684 --> 00:16:30,598

- Oh, my God!

00:16:30,728 --> 00:16:32,294

♪ ♪

00:16:32,295 --> 00:16:33,514

- Hey, if anyone wants

to watch us do it,

00:16:33,644 --> 00:16:34,644

come on up!

00:16:34,645 --> 00:16:36,124

- Okay, yeah.

- Great.

00:16:36,125 --> 00:16:38,040

- Oh!

This is all really sudden, Red!

00:16:38,171 --> 00:16:39,214

Wait!

00:16:39,215 --> 00:16:41,522

[engine revving, tires squeal]

00:16:42,697 --> 00:16:43,653

[line ringing]

00:16:43,654 --> 00:16:46,439

[phone ringing]

00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:49,094

- South Park Elementary.

I'm sorry, we're closed.

00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:50,487

- Bev! I need to know

which of the students

00:16:50,618 --> 00:16:52,533

has a birthday today.

00:16:52,663 --> 00:16:53,621

- Who is this?

00:16:53,708 --> 00:16:55,753

- It's me, Jesus!

00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:56,885

- Who?

00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,321

- The school counselor!

00:16:58,452 --> 00:17:01,149

- Oh. I don't know who has

a birthday today.

00:17:01,150 --> 00:17:03,673

That was actually always

the counselor's job.

00:17:03,674 --> 00:17:06,807

- Can you just look it up

in the school records, please?

00:17:06,808 --> 00:17:08,069

- Hang on.

00:17:08,070 --> 00:17:10,420

Guess I'm doing your job

too now.

00:17:11,639 --> 00:17:13,727

- Okay, okay.

Oh, my God.

00:17:13,728 --> 00:17:15,860

I'm so excited to finally do it.

00:17:15,947 --> 00:17:18,907

- Well, yeah, I guess

I'm excited to do it, too, Red.

00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:20,734

- Okay, I think we're all ready.

00:17:20,735 --> 00:17:22,867

Here, you take a video

of the whole thing.

00:17:22,954 --> 00:17:25,173

- Whoa!

Can't we just kiss first?

00:17:25,174 --> 00:17:28,177

- Hey! What's up, guys?

This is my TikTok Labubu video.

00:17:28,308 --> 00:17:30,571

I got the super rare,

so let's see if it works.

00:17:30,701 --> 00:17:32,007

- Hey, we want to watch.

00:17:32,094 --> 00:17:34,140

- Yeah, come on in, you guys.

00:17:34,270 --> 00:17:36,750

[chicken clucking]

00:17:36,751 --> 00:17:38,666

[all chanting]

Labubu, Labubu.

00:17:38,753 --> 00:17:40,362

Labubu, Labubu.

00:17:40,363 --> 00:17:42,756

- What the heck's going on?

all: Labubu, Labubu.

00:17:42,757 --> 00:17:44,105

[knife slashing, chicken cries]

- Ah!

00:17:44,106 --> 00:17:46,064

- [slurping]

- Oh, God!

00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,457

- [retching]

00:17:52,549 --> 00:17:55,248

[electricity sparking]

00:17:55,335 --> 00:17:56,945

all: Labubu, Labubu.

00:17:57,076 --> 00:18:00,557

Labubu, Labubu.

00:18:00,688 --> 00:18:02,689

- Here he comes!

00:18:02,690 --> 00:18:05,518

[low groaning]

00:18:05,519 --> 00:18:07,173

- Ah!

00:18:07,303 --> 00:18:09,000

- We call the demonic forces!

00:18:09,131 --> 00:18:11,524

Appear before us

at my birthday party!

00:18:11,525 --> 00:18:12,917

- This is so cool!

00:18:13,048 --> 00:18:15,529

- [growling]

00:18:15,659 --> 00:18:17,531

- Ta-da!

00:18:17,661 --> 00:18:19,575

all: Ew!

00:18:19,576 --> 00:18:21,404

- Wait, that thing

is fucking Satan?

00:18:21,535 --> 00:18:24,363

- No! I'm not fucking Satan!

00:18:24,364 --> 00:18:26,366

[growls]

00:18:26,496 --> 00:18:28,584

[screaming]

00:18:28,585 --> 00:18:32,067

ANNOUNCER:

This is a Fox News Super Alert!

00:18:32,198 --> 00:18:35,330

- We may just have another

Trump and Satan spotting.

00:18:35,331 --> 00:18:36,724

The two are rumored to be

00:18:36,811 --> 00:18:38,377

in a small mountain town

in the Rockies.

00:18:38,378 --> 00:18:40,423

Let's go to

our Colorado affiliate.

00:18:40,554 --> 00:18:41,816

[metal scraping, wind blowing]

00:18:41,946 --> 00:18:43,121

- Yeah, guys,

there's definitely black clouds

00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:45,340

and swarms of locusts here.

00:18:45,341 --> 00:18:47,777

Um, probably another

Labubu party.

00:18:47,778 --> 00:18:49,431

You know,

whenever there's a Labubu party,

00:18:49,432 --> 00:18:51,825

the president and Satan

usually make an appearance.

00:18:51,826 --> 00:18:53,219

- We've got our

eye in the sky now.

00:18:53,349 --> 00:18:54,742

Guys, what are you seeing?

00:18:54,829 --> 00:18:56,612

REPORTER:

Yeah, you can see little girls

00:18:56,613 --> 00:18:58,267

running and screaming.

00:18:58,398 --> 00:19:00,182

The president just coming out

onto the front lawn--

00:19:00,313 --> 00:19:01,836

and yes, there is Satan.

00:19:01,966 --> 00:19:03,881

They're definitely

hanging out.

00:19:03,968 --> 00:19:06,579

- Come on, let's go!

00:19:06,580 --> 00:19:09,104

JESUS: Lucifer!

00:19:10,236 --> 00:19:11,410

- So...

00:19:11,411 --> 00:19:13,803

it is you.

00:19:13,804 --> 00:19:15,936

- Just what are you doing,

Satan?

00:19:15,937 --> 00:19:17,633

I will know.

00:19:17,634 --> 00:19:19,419

[brakes squealing]

00:19:19,506 --> 00:19:22,422

- Okay, it looks like Jesus

Christ is now on the scene

00:19:22,552 --> 00:19:24,814

for some kind of

biblical showdown.

00:19:24,815 --> 00:19:27,077

- I have seen your evil at work,

Satan.

00:19:27,078 --> 00:19:29,602

I bid you leave this realm

at once.

00:19:29,603 --> 00:19:31,822

- You think

I don't want to leave?

00:19:31,953 --> 00:19:33,911

I am bound to him!

00:19:33,998 --> 00:19:35,825

- Bound to him how?

00:19:35,826 --> 00:19:38,568

- All right, fine! Here!

00:19:38,655 --> 00:19:41,049

You all want to know the truth?

00:19:42,877 --> 00:19:45,271

Yes! We're together!

00:19:45,401 --> 00:19:47,402

We've been together for months,

00:19:47,403 --> 00:19:50,841

and I want to leave him,

but I can't

00:19:50,972 --> 00:19:53,148

because...

00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:54,802

I'm pregnant.

00:20:03,637 --> 00:20:05,420

- He's pregnant?

00:20:05,421 --> 00:20:06,596

- Whoa.

00:20:06,683 --> 00:20:08,511

- So now you all know.

00:20:08,642 --> 00:20:11,035

I am forced to stay

in this situation

00:20:11,122 --> 00:20:12,950

for several more years.

00:20:16,345 --> 00:20:19,522

- Uh, Satan is saying he's been

trapped at the White House

00:20:19,653 --> 00:20:21,742

because he's pregnant.

00:20:21,872 --> 00:20:23,700

Uh, let's get

our science expert in here

00:20:23,831 --> 00:20:26,050

to see if

that's actually possible.

00:20:26,137 --> 00:20:29,532

- Yeah, uh, demonic pregnancies

work a little different.

00:20:29,663 --> 00:20:32,360

The term is "butt baby."

00:20:32,361 --> 00:20:33,927

- All right, well,

that seems to be it.

00:20:33,928 --> 00:20:37,192

Satan is pregnant with the

president's child.

00:20:37,279 --> 00:20:39,977

So Fox News can now confirm

00:20:40,108 --> 00:20:43,111

Donald Trump has been fucking

Satan this whole time.

00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,503

- Yeah!

[cheering]

00:20:44,504 --> 00:20:45,808

This is a great day

for Fox News.

00:20:45,809 --> 00:20:48,115

- Yes, Fox News!

00:20:48,116 --> 00:20:49,726

- For all the doubters

who thought Donald Trump

00:20:49,857 --> 00:20:51,337

wasn't fucking Satan,

00:20:51,467 --> 00:20:52,990

in your face!

00:20:53,121 --> 00:20:54,862

We're gonna check in now

with Kid Rock.

00:20:54,949 --> 00:20:57,342

Kid, you must be overcome

with emotion.

00:20:57,343 --> 00:20:59,692

- I just--

I just honestly didn't think

00:20:59,693 --> 00:21:01,956

the president was fucking Satan,

but

00:21:02,086 --> 00:21:04,872

now knowing that he has been

this whole time,

00:21:04,959 --> 00:21:07,830

I'm just so happy.

00:21:07,831 --> 00:21:11,226

[bell rings]

00:21:11,357 --> 00:21:13,967

JESUS: Well, I hope you guys

learned a valuable lesson.

00:21:13,968 --> 00:21:16,971

If you mess around

and you aren't safe,

00:21:17,101 --> 00:21:19,887

it can have really

big consequences.

00:21:21,889 --> 00:21:24,282

- Yeah, I'm not having sex

for a long time.

00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:26,196

- And I'm done with Labubus.

00:21:26,197 --> 00:21:28,547

- Well, that's good,

because as your counselor,

00:21:28,548 --> 00:21:30,680

I'm banning Labubus from school.

00:21:30,767 --> 00:21:33,379

And TikTok.

And cell phones.

00:21:33,509 --> 00:21:34,597

Now get back to class.

00:21:34,728 --> 00:21:36,251

You both have detention

for two weeks.

00:21:36,338 --> 00:21:38,471

- Oh, man!

00:21:38,601 --> 00:21:40,733

- Wow, new counselor's

kind of a dick.

00:21:40,734 --> 00:21:43,824

- Yeah, but he's better

than the last guy.

00:21:47,393 --> 00:21:49,482

- ♪ Labubu

00:21:49,569 --> 00:21:51,614

♪ La, labu-labu ♪

00:21:54,791 --> 00:21:57,707

[theme music]

00:21:57,794 --> 00:22:04,671

♪ ♪