Предыдущая серия S27 E01 Нагорная проповедь

Следующая серия S27 E03 Болезнетворность

Есть орешек

Got a Nut

Сезон: 27Серия: 02

Описание

Субтитры

rus__Forc.srt

00:00:06,260 --> 00:00:08,730

В ПРОГРАММЕ СОДЕРЖИТСЯ ГРЯЗНАЯ РУГАНЬ,

НЕ РЕКОМЕНДУЕТСЯ К ПРОСМОТРУ ВООБЩЕ НИКОМУ

00:00:11,770 --> 00:00:13,800

Соберу я свой рюкзак

00:00:13,810 --> 00:00:15,170

и поеду в Саус Парк.

00:00:15,260 --> 00:00:16,820

Дружелюбный здесь народ,

00:00:16,890 --> 00:00:18,550

благочестие цветёт.

00:00:18,660 --> 00:00:19,720

В Саус Парк ты приезжаешь

00:00:19,830 --> 00:00:21,620

и печали забываешь.

00:00:21,790 --> 00:00:23,490

Стоит только выйти в свет,

00:00:23,570 --> 00:00:25,290

все кричат: «Привет, сосед!»

00:00:25,370 --> 00:00:26,460

В Саус Парке не печалься,

00:00:26,540 --> 00:00:28,410

отдыхай и расслабляйся.

00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:32,970

В Саус Парке ждут тебя

00:00:33,010 --> 00:00:33,920

мои верные друзья.

00:00:33,930 --> 00:00:35,990

ЮЖНЫЙ ПАРК

00:00:38,090 --> 00:00:41,200

НАЧАЛЬНАЯ ШКОЛА САУС ПАРКА

00:03:08,550 --> 00:03:15,040

НАЧАЛЬНАЯ ШКОЛА САУС ПАРКА

00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:05,310

БАНК САУС ПАРКА

СБЕРЕЖЕНИЯ И ЗАЙМЫ

00:05:18,930 --> 00:05:21,650

Нам плевать на ваш опыт.

00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:22,740

Просто приходите.

00:05:22,890 --> 00:05:26,640

Нам плевать, читали ли вы книги и созрели ли вы.

00:05:26,710 --> 00:05:29,620

Будь вы хоть психом, жирдяем или лентяем,

00:05:29,700 --> 00:05:32,160

нам наплевать.

00:05:36,490 --> 00:05:39,370

Иммиграционная и таможенная полиция.

00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:40,740

Вы ищите работу?

00:05:40,780 --> 00:05:43,580

Вот вам работа.

00:07:16,730 --> 00:07:20,800

БИБЛИЯ

00:07:24,100 --> 00:07:31,850

ЦЕНТР ВЕРБОВКИ

ИММИГРАЦИОННАЯ И ТАМОЖЕННАЯ ПОЛИЦИЯ

00:07:41,270 --> 00:07:42,930

ВЫ НУЖНЫ ИММИГРАЦИОННОЙ ПОЛИЦИИ

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ИММИГРАЦИОННАЯ И ТАМОЖЕННАЯ ПОЛИЦИЯ

00:08:11,850 --> 00:08:14,180

ИММИГРАЦИОННАЯ И ТАМОЖЕННАЯ ПОЛИЦИЯ

00:09:15,770 --> 00:09:17,710

ПРИМЕРОЧНАЯ

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ЦЕНТР ВЕРБОВКИ

ТОЛЬКО ПОГРУЗКА

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ДОРА-ПУТЕШЕСТВЕННИЦА

ЖИВОЕ ВЫСТУПЛЕНИЕ!

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ИММИГРАЦИОННАЯ И ТАМОЖЕННАЯ ПОЛИЦИЯ

ПОГРАНИЧНЫЙ ПАТРУЛЬ

00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:45,640

СРОЧНЫЕ НОВОСТИ

ПРОТЕСТЫ ПРОТИВ ИММИГРАЦИОННОЙ ПОЛИЦИИ

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НАГРАДА ИМЕНИ ЧАРЛИ КИРКА

ДЛЯ ЮНЫХ МАСТЕРОВ ДЕБАТОВ

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БАНК САУС ПАРКА

СБЕРЕЖЕНИЯ И ЗАЙМЫ

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МАР-А-ЛАГО

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ИГРАЙ И СМЕЙСЯ

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ИГРОВАЯ КОМНАТА

ПОВЕСЕЛИСЬ В МАР-А-ЛАГО!

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ЗООМАГАЗИН

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СЕГОДНЯ РАЗДАЁМ ЩЕНЯТ!

ЗАБЕРИТЕ ДОМОЙ ВЕРНОГО ДРУГА

rus__Rus.srt

00:00:06,260 --> 00:00:08,730

В ПРОГРАММЕ СОДЕРЖИТСЯ ГРЯЗНАЯ РУГАНЬ,

НЕ РЕКОМЕНДУЕТСЯ К ПРОСМОТРУ ВООБЩЕ НИКОМУ

00:00:11,770 --> 00:00:13,800

Соберу я свой рюкзак

00:00:13,810 --> 00:00:15,170

и поеду в Саус Парк.

00:00:15,260 --> 00:00:16,820

Дружелюбный здесь народ,

00:00:16,890 --> 00:00:18,550

благочестие цветёт.

00:00:18,660 --> 00:00:19,720

В Саус Парк ты приезжаешь

00:00:19,830 --> 00:00:21,620

и печали забываешь.

00:00:21,790 --> 00:00:23,490

Стоит только выйти в свет,

00:00:23,570 --> 00:00:25,290

все кричат: «Привет, сосед!»

00:00:25,370 --> 00:00:26,460

В Саус Парке не печалься,

00:00:26,540 --> 00:00:28,410

отдыхай и расслабляйся.

00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:32,970

В Саус Парке ждут тебя

00:00:33,010 --> 00:00:33,920

мои верные друзья.

00:00:33,930 --> 00:00:35,990

ЮЖНЫЙ ПАРК

00:00:38,090 --> 00:00:41,200

НАЧАЛЬНАЯ ШКОЛА САУС ПАРКА

00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:53,560

На этот раз он перегнул.

Он такое рассказывает про евреев.

00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:55,230

Игнорируй его.

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Тяжело его игнорировать, он же ведёт подкаст.

00:00:58,440 --> 00:01:03,240

Он назвал женщин шлюхами, и сказал,

что кроме как убивать детей, мы ни на что не годны.

00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:06,040

Просто забудьте. Не обращайте внимание.

00:01:06,250 --> 00:01:07,610

Легко тебе сказать.

00:01:07,690 --> 00:01:11,510

Вот если б ты тоже был в одной из обсираемых групп.

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Кого вы обсуждаете?

00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:14,530

Клайда

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Клайда?

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И тупой подкаст с дебатами.

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Эй, вон он.

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Да пофиг. А вы докажите, что я не прав.

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Ты ничего не знаешь о евреях.

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Хватит говорить о женских телах.

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Так скажут только женщина и еврей.

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Не нравится — устроим дебаты на моём подкасте

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Мы не поддержим тупой подкаст!

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Пошёл ты, жиробас!

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Что?.. Что?

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Как школьный психолог, я бы хотел разобраться,

почему ты совершаешь плохие поступки.

00:01:49,460 --> 00:01:52,570

Подкаст очень сильно

расстроил других учащихся.

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Итак, почему ты решил, что нужно высказаться?

00:01:56,310 --> 00:01:58,110

Пытаюсь выбить нал.

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На-нал?

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Детям тяжело в наши дни.

00:02:03,530 --> 00:02:06,627

Подписка на Xbox, PS, Steam, Netflix, HBO.

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Всякие доставки.

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Шестьдесят баксов в неделю.

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Ребёнок может срубить бабла

подкастом на острые темы.

00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:19,600

Что ж, Клайд, есть вещи поважнее, пнятненько?

00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:21,080

Например?

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Ну, быть хорошим, пнятненько.

Дарить радость людям, помогать.

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Поэтому я стал психологом.

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Да?

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Мистер Маки, пакуйте вещи. Вы уволены.

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Что?

00:02:34,470 --> 00:02:38,400

Правительство сокращает расходы

на школы. Собирайтесь. Деньги сразу.

00:02:38,540 --> 00:02:39,860

Что вы говорите?

00:02:40,090 --> 00:02:42,240

Подождите, ПК Директор.

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Праведный крещёный, да.

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Я работаю здесь двадцать шесть лет.

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Спасибо за вашу работу,

но правительству не нужны лишние расходы.

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Но школьный психолог важен.

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В школе один психолог.

Величайший психолог на свете.

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Спасибо. Собирайтесь.

00:03:02,270 --> 00:03:02,700

Но

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как же мой нал?

00:03:08,550 --> 00:03:15,040

НАЧАЛЬНАЯ ШКОЛА САУС ПАРКА

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Здравствуйте. Добро пожаловать

на «Подкаст Клайда-а Донована».

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Вы слушаете канал правды.

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Евреям нет доверия.

Белых угнетают. Место женщины дома.

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И вот наш первый гость. Эрик Картман.

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Что за ересь ты творишь?

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Мы обсуждаем евреев и угнетённых белых...

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Это моя фишка!

00:03:44,580 --> 00:03:46,640

Ты украл мою идею!

00:03:46,740 --> 00:03:50,870

Ничего об этом не знаю,

зато могу рассказать о добавках в виде порошка.

00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:51,610

Добавках?

00:03:51,620 --> 00:03:53,610

Добавки помогут набрать массу...

00:03:53,750 --> 00:03:54,990

Ты, блин, всерьёз?!

00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:56,590

У тебя спонсоры?

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Так вы быстрее накачаете мышцы. Покупайте.

00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:02,040

Не забывайте про хештег уважайте Клайда.

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Что?!

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БАНК САУС ПАРКА

СБЕРЕЖЕНИЯ И ЗАЙМЫ

00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:11,290

После увольнения я осознал,

что нужно разобраться с месячными тратами.

00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:16,830

Мистер Маки. Я просмотрел ваши документы.

У вас выходит восемь тысяч в месяц.

00:04:17,930 --> 00:04:19,310

Восемь в месяц?

00:04:19,770 --> 00:04:21,970

Вот это дыра в кошельке.

00:04:22,050 --> 00:04:26,430

Вы можете получить кредит на консолидацию

задолженности, отменить подписки,

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изменить тариф, отдать дом под залог,

и всё равно остаётся восемь тысяч

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в месяц.

00:04:32,660 --> 00:04:35,170

Но у меня ничего нет, пнятненько?

00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:38,600

Работы нет. Школьные психологи никому не нужны.

00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:39,920

Что же мне делать?

00:04:40,090 --> 00:04:42,760

Вы можете поискать работу в другой сфере.

00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:46,250

Не думали поработать в иммиграционке?

00:04:47,010 --> 00:04:49,520

Помогли бы стране разобраться с нелегалами.

00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:51,660

Иммиграционка?

00:04:51,790 --> 00:04:55,920

Я психолог. Я помогаю людям. Не сунусь я туда!

00:04:56,180 --> 00:04:58,070

Понимаю, у вас есть принципы.

00:04:58,620 --> 00:05:03,110

Просто зарплата у новобранцев

где-то сто тысяч долларов.

00:05:05,410 --> 00:05:06,700

Что? Сколько?

00:05:08,590 --> 00:05:10,510

Ищите новую работу?

00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:12,520

Идите в иммиграционку.

00:05:13,130 --> 00:05:16,990

Заключите контракт

и получите бонусы до пятидесяти тысяч.

00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:18,700

Бонус за контракт?

00:05:18,930 --> 00:05:21,650

Нам плевать на ваш опыт.

00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:22,740

Просто приходите.

00:05:22,890 --> 00:05:26,640

Нам плевать, читали ли вы книги и созрели ли вы.

00:05:26,710 --> 00:05:29,620

Будь вы хоть психом, жирдяем или лентяем,

00:05:29,700 --> 00:05:32,160

нам наплевать.

00:05:32,270 --> 00:05:34,810

Я горжусь своей работой.

00:05:36,490 --> 00:05:39,370

Иммиграционная и таможенная полиция.

00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:40,740

Вы ищите работу?

00:05:40,780 --> 00:05:43,580

Вот вам работа.

00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:54,320

А теперь вы увидите, как Клайд Донован

уничтожит политкорректных либералов.

00:05:54,730 --> 00:05:56,400

Добро пожаловать на канал.

00:05:56,450 --> 00:06:00,540

Многих нытиков не устраивают

мои слова, так докажите, что я неправ.

00:06:01,020 --> 00:06:02,050

Эй, Клайд.

00:06:02,310 --> 00:06:04,860

Ты говорил, от евреев одни беды.

00:06:04,890 --> 00:06:07,760

А почему тогда бейглы такие вкусные?

00:06:07,910 --> 00:06:08,270

Да.

00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:08,960

Да!

00:06:09,060 --> 00:06:12,130

Учился у евреев?

Их тоже не устраивает школа и Америка.

00:06:12,210 --> 00:06:14,110

Скажи, что такое женщина?

00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:15,770

Что... Что?

00:06:16,220 --> 00:06:17,870

Я задал простой вопрос.

00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:23,180

Женщина — это подруга женского пола,

которая целует тебя.

00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:26,010

Даже ответить не смог.

Есть только мужчина и женщина.

00:06:26,050 --> 00:06:28,780

Наука и библия подтвердят. Такова правда. Дальше.

00:06:28,830 --> 00:06:31,620

Ещё один политкорректный ученик уничтожен.

00:06:31,700 --> 00:06:32,950

Господи.

00:06:33,330 --> 00:06:37,050

Ты назвал женскую футбольную

команду марксисткой фабрикой?

00:06:37,300 --> 00:06:38,250

Всё верно.

00:06:38,410 --> 00:06:40,430

Мы разгромили мальчиков в сухую.

00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:44,100

Сколько хочешь жалуйся на угнетения,

но ты пользуешься «Айфоном»,

00:06:44,210 --> 00:06:45,660

а его создала наша система.

00:06:45,870 --> 00:06:48,970

Девочкам легко живётся в Америке. Такова правда.

00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:51,110

Либерала уделали.

00:06:51,340 --> 00:06:53,460

Женщинам легко живётся, как и чёрным.

00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:54,940

Чёрным всё преподносят...

00:06:54,950 --> 00:06:56,010

Мудила!

00:07:02,060 --> 00:07:04,540

Достало, что мои фишки воруют.

00:07:04,740 --> 00:07:07,590

Здесь есть только один мастер дебатов...

00:07:07,670 --> 00:07:08,440

Это я.

00:07:08,910 --> 00:07:11,060

Кто хочет подебатировать с мастером?

00:07:11,290 --> 00:07:12,270

Так. Вот ты.

00:07:13,410 --> 00:07:15,350

Тупее причёски я не видела.

00:07:15,510 --> 00:07:16,200

Ошибаешься.

00:07:16,730 --> 00:07:20,800

БИБЛИЯ

00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,630

Ты ненавидишь Америку и обожаешь аборты.

00:07:24,100 --> 00:07:31,850

ЦЕНТР ВЕРБОВКИ

ИММИГРАЦИОННАЯ И ТАМОЖЕННАЯ ПОЛИЦИЯ

00:07:37,050 --> 00:07:38,500

Мистер Маки?

00:07:38,670 --> 00:07:40,070

Да, это я.

00:07:41,270 --> 00:07:42,930

ВЫ НУЖНЫ ИММИГРАЦИОННОЙ ПОЛИЦИИ

00:07:44,170 --> 00:07:45,130

Присядьте.

00:07:47,290 --> 00:07:49,670

Почему вы хотите работать у нас?

00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:53,080

Просто мне нужен нал.

00:07:53,610 --> 00:07:57,400

Работа ваша. Возьмите это с собой

на осмотр и просмотр видео.

00:07:58,630 --> 00:07:59,810

И это всё?

00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:01,700

ИММИГРАЦИОННАЯ И ТАМОЖЕННАЯ ПОЛИЦИЯ

00:08:05,130 --> 00:08:09,990

Сейчас мы покажем вам ознакомительное видео

с главой внутренней безопасности.

00:08:11,850 --> 00:08:14,180

ИММИГРАЦИОННАЯ И ТАМОЖЕННАЯ ПОЛИЦИЯ

00:08:15,990 --> 00:08:20,280

Добро пожаловать. Я Кристи Ноэм.

Глава внутренней безопасности.

00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,460

Вроде милая. Симпатичная такая.

00:08:23,570 --> 00:08:27,400

Пару лет назад мне пришлось

застрелить своего щенка,

00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:30,780

потому что иногда важные дела

оказываются трудными.

00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:36,300

Ого!

00:08:36,340 --> 00:08:38,540

Нам нужны решительные люди.

00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:43,450

Задерживать и допрашивать людей не лёгкое дело.

00:08:46,950 --> 00:08:48,020

Господи!

00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:50,890

Как лицо внутренней безопасности, я поведу вас.

00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:57,500

А вместе мы проследим,

чтобы в стране все жили законно.

00:08:59,610 --> 00:09:01,640

Вперёд, новобранцы, хватайте их!

00:09:01,710 --> 00:09:03,800

Вместе у нас всё получится.

00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:11,100

Надеюсь, презентация вам понравилась.

По машинам. Вас ждёт первый рейд.

00:09:15,770 --> 00:09:17,710

ПРИМЕРОЧНАЯ

00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:25,130

ЦЕНТР ВЕРБОВКИ

ТОЛЬКО ПОГРУЗКА

00:09:25,170 --> 00:09:27,870

Не высовывайте руки и ноги из машины.

00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:36,450

Заряжайте стволы. Готовимся к рейду.

00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:39,240

Пнятненько.

00:09:43,070 --> 00:09:45,910

Эрик Картман на ваших глазах заткнёт либералов.

00:09:46,090 --> 00:09:51,180

Ужас. Кто дал тебе право указывать мне,

что делать с моим телом?

00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:51,960

Слушай.

00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:54,250

Убьют беременную — умрёт и ребёнок.

00:09:54,340 --> 00:09:55,910

Почему убийство двойное?

00:09:56,150 --> 00:09:58,610

Пр-просто люди верят в разные вещи.

00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:02,280

Дело не в вере, а в правде.

Жизнь начинается с зачатия.

00:10:02,350 --> 00:10:03,310

Иеримия 1:5:

00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:05,850

«Прежде я образовал тебя во чреве, Я познал тебя.»

00:10:05,890 --> 00:10:07,310

Мы защищаем слабых.

00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:09,280

Вот когда начинается жизнь?

00:10:10,710 --> 00:10:12,320

Эрик, всё хорошо?

00:10:12,460 --> 00:10:14,640

Да, у меня мастер-дебаты.

00:10:16,010 --> 00:10:18,790

Ну, Эрик, хватит. Выходи из туалета.

00:10:19,070 --> 00:10:21,360

Я мастер-дебатирую со студентками.

00:10:21,750 --> 00:10:24,130

Как неприлично, Эрик. Хватит.

00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:27,800

Мам, у меня появился спонсор.

Придётся мастер-дебатировать.

00:10:27,970 --> 00:10:29,800

Левит 9: 1-8. Оставь меня.

00:10:36,340 --> 00:10:38,050

Новобранцы. Пора.

00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:41,360

Мы приближаемся к месту, где кишат нелегалы.

00:10:41,430 --> 00:10:43,730

Давайте сразим плохих омбрэс.

00:10:44,340 --> 00:10:45,720

ДОРА-ПУТЕШЕСТВЕННИЦА

ЖИВОЕ ВЫСТУПЛЕНИЕ!

00:10:45,740 --> 00:10:46,780

Рюкзак.

00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:47,760

Рюкзак.

00:10:48,420 --> 00:10:50,540

Рюкзак. Рюкзак.

00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:53,820

Данный мультфильм в русской локализации

называется «Даша-путешественница».

00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:57,100

Я карта, я карта.

00:10:57,130 --> 00:10:58,870

Я карта, он карта.

00:10:58,940 --> 00:10:59,950

Он карта.

00:10:59,990 --> 00:11:00,850

Стоять!

00:11:04,250 --> 00:11:06,140

Ладно, пнятненько.

00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:11,390

Мы с допросом. Не сопротивляйтесь и...

00:11:11,460 --> 00:11:12,250

Чёрт!

00:11:15,210 --> 00:11:16,590

Приём, шестая.

00:11:16,630 --> 00:11:19,680

Загружаем нелегалов. Конец связи.

00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:24,780

Простите, пожалуйста,

мне в месяц столько нала нужно.

00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:26,590

Вот и рублю бабки.

00:11:28,180 --> 00:11:30,000

ИММИГРАЦИОННАЯ И ТАМОЖЕННАЯ ПОЛИЦИЯ

ПОГРАНИЧНЫЙ ПАТРУЛЬ

00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:31,790

Молодец, солдат.

00:11:31,940 --> 00:11:34,030

Пнятненько. Спасибо.

00:11:34,170 --> 00:11:35,740

Наше дело трудное,

00:11:36,020 --> 00:11:38,740

но нам бы не помешало побольше таких людей...

00:11:38,820 --> 00:11:40,470

Что? Какого хрена?!

00:11:40,650 --> 00:11:42,080

Ваш ботокс, мисс Ноэм.

00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:44,480

О да. Исправь. Исправь.

00:11:47,990 --> 00:11:49,580

Ещё один трудный день.

00:11:56,050 --> 00:11:57,020

Да. Да.

00:11:57,240 --> 00:11:59,890

Да. Но тело внутри женщины не принадлежит ей.

00:12:00,070 --> 00:12:01,430

Это отдельный...

00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:04,590

Эрик, что ты делаешь?

00:12:05,380 --> 00:12:06,260

Прости, мам.

00:12:06,780 --> 00:12:08,970

Я опять мастер-дебатирую.

00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:12,210

Твои дела становятся проблемой, Эрик.

00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:14,680

Ты не понимаешь, у меня хорошо выходит.

00:12:14,750 --> 00:12:16,240

Аргументы крепкие.

00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:21,470

Студентки вообще не готовы,

я могу их разгромить и переврать самых умных.

00:12:21,690 --> 00:12:22,980

Как же приятно.

00:12:23,140 --> 00:12:27,220

Понимаю, что приятно,

но не надо постоянно этим заниматься.

00:12:27,610 --> 00:12:28,690

Прости, мам.

00:12:28,820 --> 00:12:32,730

Выключай компьютер

и дай бедным студенткам отдохнуть.

00:12:33,010 --> 00:12:35,740

Ладно. Не буду мастер-дебатировать.

00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:41,300

Вы говорите про репродуктивные права,

но ребёнок боролся бы за право на жизнь.

00:12:41,350 --> 00:12:42,300

Эрик Картман!

00:12:42,340 --> 00:12:43,130

Прости, мам!

00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:45,640

СРОЧНЫЕ НОВОСТИ

ПРОТЕСТЫ ПРОТИВ ИММИГРАЦИОННОЙ ПОЛИЦИИ

00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:47,280

Том, опять идёт протест.

00:12:47,290 --> 00:12:52,710

Тысячи людей собрались, чтобы выразить

недовольство иммиграционной полицией.

00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:54,950

Это настоящий произвол.

00:12:55,210 --> 00:13:02,160

Среди пострадавших в рейдах много добрых,

усердных и верных людей, настоящих семьянинов.

00:13:02,230 --> 00:13:06,590

Я не сомневаюсь,

что и в раю предостаточно латиносов.

00:13:22,290 --> 00:13:23,680

Дела плохи.

00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:24,480

Пнятненько.

00:13:35,140 --> 00:13:39,390

Не забывайте, задерживаем только

слегка темнокожих. Коричневеньких.

00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:39,980

Берегись!

00:13:49,580 --> 00:13:52,470

Вон ещё один летит! Лови! Лови!

00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:58,310

У меня вопросы о законности вашего пребывания.

00:13:58,700 --> 00:14:00,450

Как вы попали в рай?

00:14:00,710 --> 00:14:05,110

А, я был добр к людям,

помогал благотворительным организациям.

00:14:05,150 --> 00:14:08,510

Простите, нужны бабки, без нала никак.

00:14:08,930 --> 00:14:10,300

Маки, на минуту.

00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:13,040

Да, капитан?

00:14:13,430 --> 00:14:15,310

Ты отлично показал себя.

00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:16,500

Молодец.

00:14:17,050 --> 00:14:18,470

Ого. Спасибо.

00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:21,400

Президент даёт бонусы выдающимся новобранцам.

00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:24,340

Я думаю порекомендовать тебя на получение...

00:14:24,350 --> 00:14:25,700

Не-ет!

00:14:26,180 --> 00:14:27,310

Держи!

00:14:30,810 --> 00:14:32,720

Шоколадным в раю не место.

00:14:33,260 --> 00:14:35,000

НАГРАДА ИМЕНИ ЧАРЛИ КИРКА

ДЛЯ ЮНЫХ МАСТЕРОВ ДЕБАТОВ

00:14:35,090 --> 00:14:40,550

Здравствуйте. Добро пожаловать на церемонию

награждения юных мастеров дебатов.

00:14:42,510 --> 00:14:47,560

Всё больше и больше молодёжи

борется за Америку мастер-дебатируя.

00:14:47,750 --> 00:14:51,180

Сегодня мы чествуем старания одного юнца,

00:14:51,610 --> 00:14:55,080

он последние несколько дней

мастер-дебатировал

00:14:55,090 --> 00:14:57,550

и выиграл не только награду,

00:14:57,770 --> 00:15:02,340

но и бесплатную путёвку

в пятизвёздочный курорт.

00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:08,910

Он проявил себя истинным чемпионом.

00:15:09,290 --> 00:15:12,320

Встречайте, лучший юный мастер дебатов.

00:15:12,660 --> 00:15:13,680

Клайд Донован.

00:15:14,590 --> 00:15:15,500

Клайд?

00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:21,960

Нет! Путёвка на курорт моя!

00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:23,590

Всё, Эрик, пойдём.

00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:25,480

Всем спасибо.

00:15:26,070 --> 00:15:31,020

Акт о гражданских прав оказался ошибкой.

Ну и лесбиянки грех в глазах божьих.

00:15:31,980 --> 00:15:34,210

Ты присвоил мою фишку!

00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:35,740

Кла-айд!

00:15:38,730 --> 00:15:41,550

БАНК САУС ПАРКА

СБЕРЕЖЕНИЯ И ЗАЙМЫ

00:15:42,220 --> 00:15:44,740

Итак. У нас тут ваши квиточки.

00:15:44,870 --> 00:15:46,730

Посмотрим, как там ваша дыра.

00:15:49,930 --> 00:15:53,160

Вы получили бонусы за задержание мексиканцев.

00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:56,790

Мы не задерживаем мексиканцев.

00:15:56,910 --> 00:15:59,680

Мы задерживаем нелегалов среди иностранцев.

00:15:59,940 --> 00:16:00,700

Понял.

00:16:01,890 --> 00:16:06,470

После учёта налогов и бонусов,

у вас десять тысяч долларов в месяц.

00:16:06,890 --> 00:16:08,260

О, правда?

00:16:08,590 --> 00:16:11,550

Да. А нужно вам где-то двенадцать тысяч.

00:16:12,390 --> 00:16:12,910

Что?

00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:15,330

На той неделе было восемь.

00:16:15,570 --> 00:16:17,590

У вас хорошая зарплата.

00:16:17,780 --> 00:16:21,480

Чем больше вы получаете, тем больше тратите.

00:16:22,010 --> 00:16:23,320

Как это возможно?

00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:24,370

Ничего.

00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:25,700

Получите ещё бонусы.

00:16:25,780 --> 00:16:31,640

Рефинансируем ипотеку, поделим на количество

задержанных мексиканцев, плюсом костариканцы.

00:16:32,830 --> 00:16:33,590

Стоять!

00:16:33,890 --> 00:16:34,820

Ни с места!

00:16:37,070 --> 00:16:38,570

Вон он! Сюда!

00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:41,120

Маки, выйдем, поболтаем.

00:16:41,310 --> 00:16:43,100

Со мной? О чём?

00:16:43,900 --> 00:16:45,320

В чём дело?

00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:47,120

Поздравляю, новобранец.

00:16:47,290 --> 00:16:49,800

Я рассказала президенту о твоих достижениях.

00:16:49,860 --> 00:16:51,640

Он поможет с налом и дырой.

00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:54,060

Поможет? Правда?

00:16:54,190 --> 00:16:54,980

Да.

00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:56,890

Мы посадим тебя в самолёт.

00:16:57,230 --> 00:16:59,070

Президент хочет поблагодарить лично...

00:16:59,500 --> 00:17:00,630

Поздравляю.

00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:02,920

Он пригласил тебя в Мар-а-Лаго.

00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:05,370

Мар-а-Лаго?

00:17:20,790 --> 00:17:22,030

Ух ты.

00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:37,570

Успокойся! Расслабься!

00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:41,650

Босс. Приземлился самолёт

Иммиграционной и таможенной полиции.

00:17:41,830 --> 00:17:43,170

Знаю, тупица. Идём.

00:17:47,010 --> 00:17:49,860

МАР-А-ЛАГО

00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:59,260

Приятель. Добро пожаловать в Мар-а-Лаго!

00:17:59,650 --> 00:18:02,490

А, спасибо, господин президент.

00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:04,190

Какие у него предпочтения?

00:18:04,790 --> 00:18:06,270

Может, свалишь уже?

00:18:07,970 --> 00:18:10,810

У меня к тебе невероятное предложение.

00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:14,410

Хотел бы ты заработать

уму непостижимую сумму денег?

00:18:14,580 --> 00:18:17,450

Ну, мне бы сейчас, конечно, нала.

00:18:17,650 --> 00:18:19,390

Вот такое я люблю.

00:18:19,670 --> 00:18:21,690

В Мар-а-Лаго всё для нала.

00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:25,800

Я тебя повышаю.

00:18:26,370 --> 00:18:29,130

Получишь доступ ко всем ресурсам Мар-а-Лаго.

00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:32,540

Станешь новым лицом внутренней безопасности.

00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:37,370

Но, господин президент,

Кристи Ноэм — лицо внутренней безопасности.

00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:39,640

В прошлом. У неё жуткое лицо.

00:18:39,810 --> 00:18:40,720

Что скажешь?

00:18:41,270 --> 00:18:44,110

Мне нужна высокооплачиваемая работа.

00:18:44,410 --> 00:18:45,290

Отлично.

00:18:45,380 --> 00:18:47,020

Теперь займёмся налом.

00:18:49,060 --> 00:18:50,700

Эй, Сатана.

00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:52,950

Встречай новое лицо безопасности.

00:18:53,030 --> 00:18:54,970

Ого! Господи!

00:18:55,010 --> 00:18:57,370

Я хочу уйти. Здесь так мерзко.

00:18:57,430 --> 00:19:01,090

Хотите, чтобы я намазал

жопку Сатаны детским маслом, босс?

00:19:01,380 --> 00:19:04,560

Так, кажется, произошло недопонимание.

00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:07,200

Пойду-ка я сделаю перерыв.

00:19:07,430 --> 00:19:09,770

Эй, да брось. Расслабься.

00:19:15,260 --> 00:19:17,000

Простите. Извините.

00:19:19,620 --> 00:19:22,240

Рюк-зак, рюк-зак.

00:19:22,270 --> 00:19:24,820

Дора-путешественница, прости меня.

00:19:26,210 --> 00:19:28,230

ИГРАЙ И СМЕЙСЯ

00:19:28,590 --> 00:19:30,920

ИГРОВАЯ КОМНАТА

ПОВЕСЕЛИСЬ В МАР-А-ЛАГО!

00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:32,380

Клайд?

00:19:34,630 --> 00:19:36,570

Не сейчас, сэр. Я устал.

00:19:37,650 --> 00:19:41,030

Почему ты здесь, молодой человек?

00:19:41,590 --> 00:19:43,090

Не думал, что так выйдет.

00:19:43,410 --> 00:19:44,620

Я зарабатываю.

00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:49,610

А, что ж, молодой человек,

00:19:56,110 --> 00:19:58,950

я вроде понимаю тебя, пнятненько?

00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:06,220

Я знаю, мы все под давлением,

и всем хочется хороших вещей,

00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:12,330

но если ты занимаешься

чем-то неприятным ради какого-то нала,

00:20:13,730 --> 00:20:16,120

с годами ты станешь грустнее,

00:20:16,290 --> 00:20:18,580

а хотелки всё больше.

00:20:19,180 --> 00:20:20,220

Пнятненько?

00:20:22,140 --> 00:20:22,680

Да.

00:20:23,220 --> 00:20:24,270

Вы правы.

00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:26,080

Но

00:20:27,380 --> 00:20:28,250

кто вы?

00:20:33,570 --> 00:20:36,890

Я школьный, сука, психолог. Вот кто я.

00:20:37,310 --> 00:20:39,520

Нам не стоит здесь находиться.

00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:42,280

Хоть кто-то же поможет нам выбраться.

00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,020

Подбила.

00:20:57,860 --> 00:21:00,240

Эй, Кристи, что происходит?

00:21:00,530 --> 00:21:04,280

Захотелось сменить

лицо внутренней безопасности, а?

00:21:04,510 --> 00:21:07,980

Да расслабься. Твоё лицо незаменимо.

00:21:08,150 --> 00:21:12,210

Думаете, я не справлюсь только потому,

что по моему лицу сходят с ума?

00:21:28,140 --> 00:21:30,330

Идём. Уходим отсюда.

00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:32,440

Ты тоже, идём.

00:21:35,410 --> 00:21:36,810

Нашли. Нашли.

00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:43,490

Отлично поработали.

00:21:53,870 --> 00:21:56,340

ЗООМАГАЗИН

00:21:56,380 --> 00:21:59,000

СЕГОДНЯ РАЗДАЁМ ЩЕНЯТ!

ЗАБЕРИТЕ ДОМОЙ ВЕРНОГО ДРУГА

00:21:59,900 --> 00:22:04,900

Переведено студией HDrezka Studio.

eng__Eng.srt

00:00:11,968 --> 00:00:13,230

♪ I'm goin' down

to South Park ♪

00:00:13,404 --> 00:00:15,405

♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪

00:00:15,406 --> 00:00:17,017

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:17,104 --> 00:00:18,713

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:18,714 --> 00:00:19,931

♪ I'm goin' down

to South Park ♪

00:00:19,932 --> 00:00:21,673

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind

00:00:21,934 --> 00:00:23,674

♪ Ample parking day

or night ♪

00:00:23,675 --> 00:00:25,373

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor" ♪

00:00:25,460 --> 00:00:26,547

♪ I'm headin' on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:26,548 --> 00:00:28,332

♪ Gonna see

if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:31,944 --> 00:00:33,249

♪ Come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:34,860

♪ And meet some friends

of mine ♪

00:00:49,571 --> 00:00:51,398

He's gone too far

this time, dude.

00:00:51,399 --> 00:00:53,791

The stuff he's saying about

Jews is out of control.

00:00:53,792 --> 00:00:55,315

Bro, you just

got to ignore him.

00:00:55,316 --> 00:00:56,707

Bro, it's pretty hard

to ignore him

00:00:56,708 --> 00:00:58,361

when he's saying it

all on a podcast.

00:00:58,362 --> 00:01:00,842

He actually said that

all women are whores,

00:01:00,843 --> 00:01:03,280

and the only thing we're

good at is murdering babies.

00:01:03,411 --> 00:01:04,715

Look, guys,

just leave it alone.

00:01:04,716 --> 00:01:06,066

Don't give him

any more attention.

00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:07,718

That's easy

for you to say, dude.

00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:09,546

Yeah, you are one

of the multitudes of groups

00:01:09,547 --> 00:01:11,506

he's spewing

his stupid shit about.

00:01:11,723 --> 00:01:12,506

Hey, guys.

00:01:12,507 --> 00:01:13,811

Who are you talking about?

00:01:13,812 --> 00:01:14,509

both: Clyde.

00:01:14,944 --> 00:01:15,901

Clyde?

00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:18,251

Yeah, and his stupid

debating podcast.

00:01:18,252 --> 00:01:19,514

Hey, here he comes.

00:01:20,993 --> 00:01:21,993

Whatever, guys.

00:01:21,994 --> 00:01:23,909

Prove me wrong.

00:01:24,649 --> 00:01:26,433

You don't know a thing

about the Jewish people.

00:01:26,434 --> 00:01:28,653

Yeah, and shut up

about girls' bodies.

00:01:28,740 --> 00:01:31,351

Well, that sounds like a very

female and Jew thing to say.

00:01:31,352 --> 00:01:32,353

If you guys don't like it,

00:01:32,614 --> 00:01:34,181

why don't you come debate me

on my podcast?

00:01:34,398 --> 00:01:36,965

We're not indulging

your stupid podcast.

00:01:36,966 --> 00:01:38,402

Yeah, screw you, fat ass.

00:01:40,317 --> 00:01:41,797

Wha-- what?

00:01:43,538 --> 00:01:45,016

Now, as your counselor,

00:01:45,017 --> 00:01:46,975

I want to try and understand

why you're doing

00:01:46,976 --> 00:01:48,804

all these bad things

you're doing.

00:01:49,674 --> 00:01:52,633

The other students are

very upset at this podcast.

00:01:52,634 --> 00:01:54,591

And what makes you think

you got to say

00:01:54,592 --> 00:01:55,898

all this stuff, Clyde?

00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:58,205

Hey, I'm just trying

to make my nut, man.

00:02:00,424 --> 00:02:01,642

Y-your nut?

00:02:01,643 --> 00:02:03,426

Yeah, you know,

kids have it tough these days.

00:02:03,427 --> 00:02:06,255

We got Xbox subscriptions,

PS5, Steam subscriptions,

00:02:06,256 --> 00:02:08,432

Netflix, HBO,

you want to order DoorDash.

00:02:08,650 --> 00:02:10,217

My nut's about 60 bucks a week.

00:02:10,478 --> 00:02:12,305

So you know, as a kid,

if you could do a podcast,

00:02:12,306 --> 00:02:14,395

say some really divisive shit,

then you could make your nut.

00:02:16,266 --> 00:02:18,049

Well, Clyde, there's more

important things

00:02:18,050 --> 00:02:19,530

than a nut, mkay?

00:02:20,444 --> 00:02:21,097

Like what?

00:02:21,663 --> 00:02:23,752

Well, like being nice,

mkay,

00:02:24,361 --> 00:02:26,797

making people smile,

helping people out.

00:02:26,798 --> 00:02:28,409

That's why

I became a counselor.

00:02:29,018 --> 00:02:29,671

Yes?

00:02:30,324 --> 00:02:32,063

Mr. Mackey, I need you

to pack your stuff.

00:02:32,064 --> 00:02:33,108

You've been fired, bud.

00:02:33,109 --> 00:02:34,415

W-what?

00:02:34,676 --> 00:02:36,546

Government's doing away with

needless spending in schools.

00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:38,506

Get your things.

Last paycheck's up front.

00:02:38,636 --> 00:02:39,898

What are you talking about?

00:02:40,421 --> 00:02:42,204

Hey, wait a minute,

PC Principal.

00:02:42,205 --> 00:02:43,467

Power Christian Principle, yes.

00:02:43,815 --> 00:02:45,687

I've worked here

for 26 years.

00:02:45,861 --> 00:02:47,296

We appreciate your service

to this school,

00:02:47,297 --> 00:02:49,907

but the government's cutting

back on unnecessary expenses.

00:02:49,908 --> 00:02:51,997

Well, what's more important

than a school counselor?

00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:53,825

Schools have

one counselor now,

00:02:54,043 --> 00:02:55,914

and he is the greatest

counselor that ever lived.

00:02:56,219 --> 00:02:57,655

Thanks for everything.

Now, pack your shit.

00:03:02,356 --> 00:03:02,834

But...

00:03:03,879 --> 00:03:05,489

what about my nut?

00:03:20,461 --> 00:03:21,591

Hello, and welcome

00:03:21,592 --> 00:03:24,856

to the "Clyde Donovan

Podcast."

00:03:26,858 --> 00:03:28,599

Welcome to

the Channel of Truth, guys.

00:03:28,904 --> 00:03:29,991

You can't trust Jews,

00:03:29,992 --> 00:03:31,210

white people are

the underprivileged,

00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,559

and women belong at home.

00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:33,864

I'd like to welcome

our first guest

00:03:33,865 --> 00:03:35,389

to the debate, Eric Cartman.

00:03:38,870 --> 00:03:40,437

What the hell do you think

you're doing, Clyde?

00:03:40,611 --> 00:03:42,133

We're here speaking the truth

about the Jews

00:03:42,134 --> 00:03:43,483

and the underprivileged

white class--

00:03:43,484 --> 00:03:44,614

That's my shtick.

00:03:44,615 --> 00:03:46,790

Knock it off, Clyde.

You stole my idea.

00:03:46,791 --> 00:03:48,140

I don't know about

stealing ideas,

00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,011

but I do know about some

amazing supplement powders

00:03:50,012 --> 00:03:51,534

that are an absolute steal--

- Supplement powders?

00:03:51,535 --> 00:03:53,057

HE-MAN supplement powders

can really help you

00:03:53,058 --> 00:03:55,146

bulk up and get--

- Are you fucking serious?

00:03:55,147 --> 00:03:57,018

People are sponsoring you

for ripping me off?

00:03:57,019 --> 00:03:58,411

And it's really just the best

way to get ripped quick.

00:03:58,412 --> 00:03:59,543

So be sure to get some.

00:03:59,978 --> 00:04:01,197

And also, be sure to hashtag

#RespectClydesAuthority.

00:04:02,459 --> 00:04:03,068

What?

00:04:05,506 --> 00:04:07,681

So after losing my job,

I realized

00:04:07,682 --> 00:04:11,251

I really better get a handle

on how much I spend a month.

00:04:11,555 --> 00:04:12,599

Yes, Mr. Mackey.

00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:14,078

Looking over

your portfolio here,

00:04:14,079 --> 00:04:16,908

it appears you've got about

an $8,000 a month nut.

00:04:17,431 --> 00:04:19,346

$8,000 a month?

00:04:19,824 --> 00:04:22,043

I had no idea

my nut was that big.

00:04:22,044 --> 00:04:24,306

Now, we could get you

a debt consolidation loan,

00:04:24,307 --> 00:04:25,655

cancel your streaming services,

00:04:25,656 --> 00:04:26,874

downgrade

your phone subscription,

00:04:26,875 --> 00:04:28,354

do a second mortgage

on your house,

00:04:28,355 --> 00:04:30,574

and your nut's still $8,000--

00:04:31,575 --> 00:04:32,141

a month.

00:04:32,750 --> 00:04:35,100

But I don't have anything, mkay?

00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:36,536

I can't find a job.

00:04:36,537 --> 00:04:38,538

Nobody's hiring

counselors anymore.

00:04:38,539 --> 00:04:39,888

What am I supposed to do?

00:04:40,149 --> 00:04:42,804

Well, there are

other career opportunities.

00:04:42,978 --> 00:04:44,153

Have you considered...

00:04:44,414 --> 00:04:46,155

a job with the I-C-E?

00:04:47,156 --> 00:04:49,419

Help your country round up

undocumented immigrants.

00:04:50,899 --> 00:04:51,334

ICE?

00:04:51,943 --> 00:04:52,988

I'm a counselor.

00:04:53,162 --> 00:04:54,293

I help people.

00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,121

I would never work for ICE.

00:04:56,339 --> 00:04:58,080

I understand you have

to have your principles.

00:04:58,689 --> 00:05:01,082

It's just they are

offering new recruits

00:05:01,083 --> 00:05:03,128

about a $100,000 salary.

00:05:05,609 --> 00:05:06,654

Say--say what now?

00:05:08,612 --> 00:05:10,440

Are you looking

for a new career?

00:05:10,919 --> 00:05:12,573

Why not join the I-C-E?

00:05:13,225 --> 00:05:14,443

We have jobs available now

00:05:14,444 --> 00:05:16,881

with up to

a $50,000 signing bonus.

00:05:17,491 --> 00:05:18,579

Signing bonus?

00:05:19,101 --> 00:05:21,407

♪ We don't ask

for experience ♪

00:05:21,408 --> 00:05:22,757

♪ Just show up

00:05:22,974 --> 00:05:26,630

♪ We don't care if you've

read a book or grown up ♪

00:05:26,804 --> 00:05:29,590

♪ If you're crazy

or fat and lazy ♪

00:05:29,851 --> 00:05:31,679

♪ We don't care at all ♪

00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:34,638

I'm proud

to work for the I-C-E.

00:05:36,597 --> 00:05:39,425

♪ Immigration

and Customs Enforcement ♪

00:05:39,426 --> 00:05:40,817

♪ If you need a job

00:05:40,818 --> 00:05:42,167

♪ It's a job

00:05:43,038 --> 00:05:43,778

♪ To have

00:05:49,305 --> 00:05:52,612

And now, watch as

Clyde Donovan totally destroys

00:05:52,613 --> 00:05:54,310

these woke liberal students.

00:05:54,876 --> 00:05:56,180

Welcome to the channel, guys.

00:05:56,181 --> 00:05:58,139

Looks like a lot

of whiny babies have a problem

00:05:58,140 --> 00:06:00,490

with what I say,

so prove me wrong.

00:06:01,056 --> 00:06:02,187

Uh, Hey, Clyde.

00:06:02,492 --> 00:06:04,754

Um, you said nothing good

ever came from the Jews.

00:06:04,755 --> 00:06:07,844

But if that's true,

why are bagels so yummy?

00:06:07,845 --> 00:06:09,064

- Yeah.

- Yeah!

00:06:09,238 --> 00:06:10,500

Well, you've obviously

been taught by the Jews

00:06:10,674 --> 00:06:12,109

to have a problem with this

school and with America.

00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:14,155

So let me ask you this-- what

is your definition of a woman?

00:06:14,156 --> 00:06:15,113

Wait, now, what?

00:06:16,245 --> 00:06:17,986

What is a woman?

It's a very simple question.

00:06:19,335 --> 00:06:21,510

Well, a woman is

a lady friend

00:06:21,511 --> 00:06:23,207

who, you know,

gives you kisses.

00:06:23,208 --> 00:06:24,339

You see, you can't

answer the question.

00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:25,819

But something is male

or it is female.

00:06:25,820 --> 00:06:27,342

Both science and scripture

agree to that.

00:06:27,343 --> 00:06:28,909

And that's just the truth.

Next.

00:06:28,910 --> 00:06:31,738

Another woke

student totally destroyed.

00:06:31,739 --> 00:06:32,914

Oh, jeez.

00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,828

Did you call

the girls' soccer team

00:06:34,829 --> 00:06:37,047

a Marxist

indoctrination factory?

00:06:37,048 --> 00:06:38,397

That is correct.

00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,530

We actually beat the boys

4 to 0, you know.

00:06:40,704 --> 00:06:42,401

You can whine about American

oppression all you want,

00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,098

but you're using an iPhone

made by the free market

00:06:44,099 --> 00:06:45,752

to complain about a system

that gave it to you.

00:06:45,753 --> 00:06:47,406

Girls have it way easy

in America,

00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:48,886

and that's just the truth.

00:06:49,496 --> 00:06:51,236

Woke student totally pwned.

00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:52,541

Women have it good

in America,

00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:53,500

just like Black people do.

00:06:53,848 --> 00:06:55,152

Black people have everything

handed to them--

00:06:55,153 --> 00:06:55,980

Motherfucker!

00:07:02,117 --> 00:07:04,598

I'm sick of people

stealing my schtick.

00:07:04,772 --> 00:07:07,601

If anyone around here

is gonna be a master debater,

00:07:07,775 --> 00:07:08,514

it's me.

00:07:08,515 --> 00:07:09,472

So let's go.

00:07:09,733 --> 00:07:11,212

Who wants to debate

the master debater?

00:07:11,213 --> 00:07:11,648

Let's go.

00:07:11,866 --> 00:07:12,344

You right there.

00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,477

That's the stupidest haircut

I've ever seen.

00:07:15,478 --> 00:07:16,218

You are wrong.

00:07:17,349 --> 00:07:19,133

Leviticus 3:17 says it shall be

a perpetual statute

00:07:19,134 --> 00:07:20,874

for your generations

throughout all your dwellings.

00:07:20,875 --> 00:07:21,963

So you can shut up, Bebe.

00:07:22,311 --> 00:07:23,573

You just hate America

and you love abortions.

00:07:37,195 --> 00:07:38,501

Mr. Mackey?

00:07:38,762 --> 00:07:39,981

Uh, yes, r-right here.

00:07:44,376 --> 00:07:45,247

Have a seat, sir.

00:07:47,379 --> 00:07:49,817

What makes you want to work

for immigration enforcement?

00:07:50,165 --> 00:07:50,818

Uh, well,

00:07:51,732 --> 00:07:53,037

you see, I got a nut.

00:07:53,603 --> 00:07:54,385

All right, you're hired.

00:07:54,386 --> 00:07:55,475

Take this to the next station

00:07:55,605 --> 00:07:57,389

for your physical

and orientation video.

00:07:58,608 --> 00:07:59,827

Well, th-that's it?

00:08:05,136 --> 00:08:07,398

You will now watch

an orientation video

00:08:07,399 --> 00:08:10,011

featuring the Director

of Homeland Security.

00:08:16,147 --> 00:08:17,714

Welcome to the team, recruits.

00:08:17,845 --> 00:08:20,282

I'm Kristi Noem,

Head of Homeland Security.

00:08:21,152 --> 00:08:23,459

Oh, she seems nice, mkay?

Very pretty.

00:08:23,807 --> 00:08:25,982

A few years ago,

I had to put my puppy down

00:08:25,983 --> 00:08:27,463

by shooting it in the face,

00:08:27,594 --> 00:08:29,420

because sometimes

doing what's important

00:08:29,421 --> 00:08:30,858

means doing what's hard.

00:08:35,166 --> 00:08:36,211

Whoa. Whoa.

00:08:36,907 --> 00:08:38,561

Now, we'll ask

the same determination of you.

00:08:40,563 --> 00:08:42,216

Because detaining

and questioning people

00:08:42,217 --> 00:08:43,348

is never easy.

00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:48,048

Oh, God!

00:08:48,049 --> 00:08:49,745

As the face

of Homeland Security,

00:08:49,746 --> 00:08:50,791

I'll be leading the way.

00:08:53,968 --> 00:08:55,403

And together,

we'll make sure

00:08:55,404 --> 00:08:57,537

everyone is in this country

legally.

00:08:59,669 --> 00:09:01,844

So let's get out there

and get 'em, recruits.

00:09:01,845 --> 00:09:03,673

Together,

we can make it happen.

00:09:06,894 --> 00:09:08,590

We hope you enjoyed

the presentation.

00:09:08,591 --> 00:09:10,985

Please step through to the

vehicles for your first raid.

00:09:25,216 --> 00:09:26,913

Keep your hands and feet

inside the vehicle

00:09:26,914 --> 00:09:27,784

at all times.

00:09:33,485 --> 00:09:34,964

Lock and load, recruits!

00:09:34,965 --> 00:09:36,184

Prepare to raid!

00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:38,969

Mmm-kay.

00:09:43,017 --> 00:09:44,670

Watch as

Eric Cartman shuts down

00:09:44,671 --> 00:09:46,149

these woke liberal students.

00:09:46,150 --> 00:09:47,064

Oh, my God.

00:09:47,369 --> 00:09:48,674

What makes you think

you have the right

00:09:48,675 --> 00:09:51,111

to say what I do with my body?

00:09:51,112 --> 00:09:52,026

Let me ask you something.

00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,244

If a pregnant woman is killed

and the baby dies too,

00:09:54,245 --> 00:09:56,159

why is the killer charged

with a double homicide?

00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:58,945

Well, b--because people

have different beliefs.

00:09:58,946 --> 00:10:00,468

It's not about belief.

It's about truth.

00:10:00,469 --> 00:10:02,252

Science confirms life

begins at conception.

00:10:02,253 --> 00:10:04,124

So, yes, Jeremiah 1:5 says,

before I formed you

00:10:04,125 --> 00:10:04,865

in the womb, I knew you.

00:10:05,213 --> 00:10:06,082

But it's just morality

that demands

00:10:06,083 --> 00:10:07,345

we protect the most vulnerable.

00:10:07,519 --> 00:10:09,347

So let me ask you--

when do you think life begins?

00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:12,393

Eric, are you all right

in there?

00:10:12,394 --> 00:10:13,177

Yeah, I'm fine, Mom.

00:10:13,482 --> 00:10:14,614

I'm just in here

master debating.

00:10:15,963 --> 00:10:17,311

Well, Eric, that's enough.

00:10:17,312 --> 00:10:18,878

Let's get out of the bathroom.

00:10:18,879 --> 00:10:19,662

I can't, Mom.

00:10:20,271 --> 00:10:21,446

I'm master debating to these

young college girls.

00:10:21,708 --> 00:10:24,187

That's very naughty, Eric.

Stop it.

00:10:24,188 --> 00:10:26,015

Mom, I finally got

eng__SDH.srt

00:00:08,530 --> 00:00:11,967

[theme music]

00:00:11,968 --> 00:00:13,230

- ♪ I'm goin' down

to South Park ♪

00:00:13,404 --> 00:00:15,405

♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪

00:00:15,406 --> 00:00:17,017

- ♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:17,104 --> 00:00:18,713

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:18,714 --> 00:00:19,931

- ♪ I'm goin' down

to South Park ♪

00:00:19,932 --> 00:00:21,673

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind

00:00:21,934 --> 00:00:23,674

- ♪ Ample parking day

or night ♪

00:00:23,675 --> 00:00:25,373

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor" ♪

00:00:25,460 --> 00:00:26,547

- ♪ I'm headin' on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:26,548 --> 00:00:28,332

♪ Gonna see

if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:31,814

- ♪ [mumbling] ♪

00:00:31,944 --> 00:00:33,249

- ♪ Come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:34,860

♪ And meet some friends

of mine ♪

00:00:41,302 --> 00:00:44,391

[indistinct chatter]

00:00:44,392 --> 00:00:46,350

[angelic tones]

00:00:49,571 --> 00:00:51,398

- He's gone too far

this time, dude.

00:00:51,399 --> 00:00:53,791

The stuff he's saying about

Jews is out of control.

00:00:53,792 --> 00:00:55,315

- Bro, you just

got to ignore him.

00:00:55,316 --> 00:00:56,707

- Bro, it's pretty hard

to ignore him

00:00:56,708 --> 00:00:58,361

when he's saying it

all on a podcast.

00:00:58,362 --> 00:01:00,842

- He actually said that

all women are whores,

00:01:00,843 --> 00:01:03,280

and the only thing we're

good at is murdering babies.

00:01:03,411 --> 00:01:04,715

- Look, guys,

just leave it alone.

00:01:04,716 --> 00:01:06,066

Don't give him

any more attention.

00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:07,718

- That's easy

for you to say, dude.

00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:09,546

- Yeah, you are one

of the multitudes of groups

00:01:09,547 --> 00:01:11,506

he's spewing

his stupid shit about.

00:01:11,723 --> 00:01:12,506

- Hey, guys.

00:01:12,507 --> 00:01:13,811

Who are you talking about?

00:01:13,812 --> 00:01:14,509

both: Clyde.

00:01:14,944 --> 00:01:15,901

- Clyde?

00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:18,251

- Yeah, and his stupid

debating podcast.

00:01:18,252 --> 00:01:19,514

BEBE: Hey, here he comes.

00:01:19,688 --> 00:01:20,819

[kids booing]

00:01:20,993 --> 00:01:21,993

- Whatever, guys.

00:01:21,994 --> 00:01:23,909

Prove me wrong.

00:01:24,649 --> 00:01:26,433

- You don't know a thing

about the Jewish people.

00:01:26,434 --> 00:01:28,653

- Yeah, and shut up

about girls' bodies.

00:01:28,740 --> 00:01:31,351

- Well, that sounds like a very

female and Jew thing to say.

00:01:31,352 --> 00:01:32,353

If you guys don't like it,

00:01:32,614 --> 00:01:34,181

why don't you come debate me

on my podcast?

00:01:34,398 --> 00:01:36,965

- We're not indulging

your stupid podcast.

00:01:36,966 --> 00:01:38,402

- Yeah, screw you, fat ass.

00:01:40,317 --> 00:01:41,797

- Wha-- what?

00:01:43,538 --> 00:01:45,016

MR. MACKEY:

Now, as your counselor,

00:01:45,017 --> 00:01:46,975

I want to try and understand

why you're doing

00:01:46,976 --> 00:01:48,804

all these bad things

you're doing.

00:01:49,674 --> 00:01:52,633

The other students are

very upset at this podcast.

00:01:52,634 --> 00:01:54,591

And what makes you think

you got to say

00:01:54,592 --> 00:01:55,898

all this stuff, Clyde?

00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:58,205

- Hey, I'm just trying

to make my nut, man.

00:02:00,424 --> 00:02:01,642

- Y-your nut?

00:02:01,643 --> 00:02:03,426

- Yeah, you know,

kids have it tough these days.

00:02:03,427 --> 00:02:06,255

We got Xbox subscriptions,

PS5, Steam subscriptions,

00:02:06,256 --> 00:02:08,432

Netflix, HBO,

you want to order DoorDash.

00:02:08,650 --> 00:02:10,217

My nut's about 60 bucks a week.

00:02:10,478 --> 00:02:12,305

So you know, as a kid,

if you could do a podcast,

00:02:12,306 --> 00:02:14,395

say some really divisive shit,

then you could make your nut.

00:02:16,266 --> 00:02:18,049

- Well, Clyde, there's more

important things

00:02:18,050 --> 00:02:19,530

than a nut, mkay?

00:02:20,444 --> 00:02:21,097

- Like what?

00:02:21,663 --> 00:02:23,752

- Well, like being nice,

mkay,

00:02:24,361 --> 00:02:26,797

making people smile,

helping people out.

00:02:26,798 --> 00:02:28,409

That's why

I became a counselor.

00:02:29,018 --> 00:02:29,671

[knock at door]

Yes?

00:02:30,324 --> 00:02:32,063

- Mr. Mackey, I need you

to pack your stuff.

00:02:32,064 --> 00:02:33,108

You've been fired, bud.

00:02:33,109 --> 00:02:34,415

- W-what?

00:02:34,676 --> 00:02:36,546

- Government's doing away with

needless spending in schools.

00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:38,506

Get your things.

Last paycheck's up front.

00:02:38,636 --> 00:02:39,898

- What are you talking about?

00:02:40,421 --> 00:02:42,204

Hey, wait a minute,

PC Principal.

00:02:42,205 --> 00:02:43,467

- Power Christian Principle, yes.

00:02:43,815 --> 00:02:45,687

- I've worked here

for 26 years.

00:02:45,861 --> 00:02:47,296

- We appreciate your service

to this school,

00:02:47,297 --> 00:02:49,907

but the government's cutting

back on unnecessary expenses.

00:02:49,908 --> 00:02:51,997

- Well, what's more important

than a school counselor?

00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:53,825

- Schools have

one counselor now,

00:02:54,043 --> 00:02:55,914

and he is the greatest

counselor that ever lived.

00:02:56,219 --> 00:02:57,655

Thanks for everything.

Now, pack your shit.

00:03:02,356 --> 00:03:02,834

- But...

00:03:03,879 --> 00:03:05,489

what about my nut?

00:03:20,461 --> 00:03:21,591

ANNOUNCER:

Hello, and welcome

00:03:21,592 --> 00:03:24,856

to the "Clyde Donovan

Podcast."

00:03:26,858 --> 00:03:28,599

- Welcome to

the Channel of Truth, guys.

00:03:28,904 --> 00:03:29,991

You can't trust Jews,

00:03:29,992 --> 00:03:31,210

white people are

the underprivileged,

00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,559

and women belong at home.

00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:33,864

I'd like to welcome

our first guest

00:03:33,865 --> 00:03:35,389

to the debate, Eric Cartman.

00:03:38,870 --> 00:03:40,437

- What the hell do you think

you're doing, Clyde?

00:03:40,611 --> 00:03:42,133

- We're here speaking the truth

about the Jews

00:03:42,134 --> 00:03:43,483

and the underprivileged

white class--

00:03:43,484 --> 00:03:44,614

- That's my shtick.

00:03:44,615 --> 00:03:46,790

Knock it off, Clyde.

You stole my idea.

00:03:46,791 --> 00:03:48,140

- I don't know about

stealing ideas,

00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,011

but I do know about some

amazing supplement powders

00:03:50,012 --> 00:03:51,534

that are an absolute steal--

- Supplement powders?

00:03:51,535 --> 00:03:53,057

- HE-MAN supplement powders

can really help you

00:03:53,058 --> 00:03:55,146

bulk up and get--

- Are you fucking serious?

00:03:55,147 --> 00:03:57,018

People are sponsoring you

for ripping me off?

00:03:57,019 --> 00:03:58,411

- And it's really just the best

way to get ripped quick.

00:03:58,412 --> 00:03:59,543

So be sure to get some.

00:03:59,978 --> 00:04:01,197

And also, be sure to hashtag

#RespectClydesAuthority.

00:04:02,459 --> 00:04:03,068

- What?

00:04:05,506 --> 00:04:07,681

- So after losing my job,

I realized

00:04:07,682 --> 00:04:11,251

I really better get a handle

on how much I spend a month.

00:04:11,555 --> 00:04:12,599

- Yes, Mr. Mackey.

00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:14,078

Looking over

your portfolio here,

00:04:14,079 --> 00:04:16,908

it appears you've got about

an $8,000 a month nut.

00:04:17,431 --> 00:04:19,346

- $8,000 a month?

00:04:19,824 --> 00:04:22,043

I had no idea

my nut was that big.

00:04:22,044 --> 00:04:24,306

- Now, we could get you

a debt consolidation loan,

00:04:24,307 --> 00:04:25,655

cancel your streaming services,

00:04:25,656 --> 00:04:26,874

downgrade

your phone subscription,

00:04:26,875 --> 00:04:28,354

do a second mortgage

on your house,

00:04:28,355 --> 00:04:30,574

and your nut's still $8,000--

00:04:31,575 --> 00:04:32,141

a month.

00:04:32,750 --> 00:04:35,100

- But I don't have anything, mkay?

00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:36,536

I can't find a job.

00:04:36,537 --> 00:04:38,538

Nobody's hiring

counselors anymore.

00:04:38,539 --> 00:04:39,888

What am I supposed to do?

00:04:40,149 --> 00:04:42,804

- Well, there are

other career opportunities.

00:04:42,978 --> 00:04:44,153

Have you considered...

00:04:44,414 --> 00:04:46,155

a job with the I-C-E?

00:04:47,156 --> 00:04:49,419

Help your country round up

undocumented immigrants.

00:04:50,899 --> 00:04:51,334

- ICE?

00:04:51,943 --> 00:04:52,988

I'm a counselor.

00:04:53,162 --> 00:04:54,293

I help people.

00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,121

I would never work for ICE.

00:04:56,339 --> 00:04:58,080

- I understand you have

to have your principles.

00:04:58,689 --> 00:05:01,082

It's just they are

offering new recruits

00:05:01,083 --> 00:05:03,128

about a $100,000 salary.

00:05:05,609 --> 00:05:06,654

- Say--say what now?

00:05:07,263 --> 00:05:08,611

[upbeat music]

00:05:08,612 --> 00:05:10,440

ANNOUNCER: Are you looking

for a new career?

00:05:10,919 --> 00:05:12,573

Why not join the I-C-E?

00:05:13,225 --> 00:05:14,443

We have jobs available now

00:05:14,444 --> 00:05:16,881

with up to

a $50,000 signing bonus.

00:05:17,491 --> 00:05:18,579

- Signing bonus?

00:05:19,101 --> 00:05:21,407

- ♪ We don't ask

for experience ♪

00:05:21,408 --> 00:05:22,757

♪ Just show up

00:05:22,974 --> 00:05:26,630

♪ We don't care if you've

read a book or grown up ♪

00:05:26,804 --> 00:05:29,590

♪ If you're crazy

or fat and lazy ♪

00:05:29,851 --> 00:05:31,679

♪ We don't care at all ♪

00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:34,638

- [muffled] I'm proud

to work for the I-C-E.

00:05:36,597 --> 00:05:39,425

- ♪ Immigration

and Customs Enforcement ♪

00:05:39,426 --> 00:05:40,817

♪ If you need a job

00:05:40,818 --> 00:05:42,167

♪ It's a job

00:05:43,038 --> 00:05:43,778

♪ To have

00:05:49,305 --> 00:05:52,612

ANNOUNCER: And now, watch as

Clyde Donovan totally destroys

00:05:52,613 --> 00:05:54,310

these woke liberal students.

00:05:54,876 --> 00:05:56,180

- Welcome to the channel, guys.

00:05:56,181 --> 00:05:58,139

Looks like a lot

of whiny babies have a problem

00:05:58,140 --> 00:06:00,490

with what I say,

so prove me wrong.

00:06:01,056 --> 00:06:02,187

- Uh, Hey, Clyde.

00:06:02,492 --> 00:06:04,754

Um, you said nothing good

ever came from the Jews.

00:06:04,755 --> 00:06:07,844

But if that's true,

why are bagels so yummy?

00:06:07,845 --> 00:06:09,064

- Yeah.

- Yeah!

00:06:09,238 --> 00:06:10,500

- Well, you've obviously

been taught by the Jews

00:06:10,674 --> 00:06:12,109

to have a problem with this

school and with America.

00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:14,155

So let me ask you this-- what

is your definition of a woman?

00:06:14,156 --> 00:06:15,113

- Wait, now, what?

00:06:16,245 --> 00:06:17,986

- What is a woman?

It's a very simple question.

00:06:19,335 --> 00:06:21,510

- Well, a woman is

a lady friend

00:06:21,511 --> 00:06:23,207

who, you know,

gives you kisses.

00:06:23,208 --> 00:06:24,339

- You see, you can't

answer the question.

00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:25,819

But something is male

or it is female.

00:06:25,820 --> 00:06:27,342

Both science and scripture

agree to that.

00:06:27,343 --> 00:06:28,909

And that's just the truth.

Next.

00:06:28,910 --> 00:06:31,738

ANNOUNCER: Another woke

student totally destroyed.

00:06:31,739 --> 00:06:32,914

- Oh, jeez.

00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,828

- Did you call

the girls' soccer team

00:06:34,829 --> 00:06:37,047

a Marxist

indoctrination factory?

00:06:37,048 --> 00:06:38,397

- That is correct.

00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,530

- We actually beat the boys

4 to 0, you know.

00:06:40,704 --> 00:06:42,401

- You can whine about American

oppression all you want,

00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,098

but you're using an iPhone

made by the free market

00:06:44,099 --> 00:06:45,752

to complain about a system

that gave it to you.

00:06:45,753 --> 00:06:47,406

Girls have it way easy

in America,

00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:48,886

and that's just the truth.

00:06:49,496 --> 00:06:51,236

ANNOUNCER:

Woke student totally pwned.

00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:52,541

- Women have it good

in America,

00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:53,500

just like Black people do.

00:06:53,848 --> 00:06:55,152

Black people have everything

handed to them--

00:06:55,153 --> 00:06:55,980

- Motherfucker!

00:06:59,810 --> 00:07:02,116

[blows landing]

00:07:02,117 --> 00:07:04,598

I'm sick of people

stealing my schtick.

00:07:04,772 --> 00:07:07,601

If anyone around here

is gonna be a master debater,

00:07:07,775 --> 00:07:08,514

it's me.

00:07:08,515 --> 00:07:09,472

So let's go.

00:07:09,733 --> 00:07:11,212

Who wants to debate

the master debater?

00:07:11,213 --> 00:07:11,648

Let's go.

00:07:11,866 --> 00:07:12,344

You right there.

00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,477

- That's the stupidest haircut

I've ever seen.

00:07:15,478 --> 00:07:16,218

- You are wrong.

00:07:17,349 --> 00:07:19,133

Leviticus 3:17 says it shall be

a perpetual statute

00:07:19,134 --> 00:07:20,874

for your generations

throughout all your dwellings.

00:07:20,875 --> 00:07:21,963

So you can shut up, Bebe.

00:07:22,311 --> 00:07:23,573

You just hate America

and you love abortions.

00:07:37,195 --> 00:07:38,501

- Mr. Mackey?

00:07:38,762 --> 00:07:39,981

- Uh, yes, r-right here.

00:07:44,376 --> 00:07:45,247

- [muffled]

Have a seat, sir.

00:07:47,379 --> 00:07:49,817

What makes you want to work

for immigration enforcement?

00:07:50,165 --> 00:07:50,818

- Uh, well,

00:07:51,732 --> 00:07:53,037

you see, I got a nut.

00:07:53,603 --> 00:07:54,385

- All right, you're hired.

00:07:54,386 --> 00:07:55,475

Take this to the next station

00:07:55,605 --> 00:07:57,389

for your physical

and orientation video.

00:07:58,608 --> 00:07:59,827

- Well, th-that's it?

00:08:02,612 --> 00:08:04,745

[indistinct chatter]

00:08:05,136 --> 00:08:07,398

- You will now watch

an orientation video

00:08:07,399 --> 00:08:10,011

featuring the Director

of Homeland Security.

00:08:10,620 --> 00:08:13,361

[patriotic music]

00:08:13,362 --> 00:08:15,886

♪

00:08:16,147 --> 00:08:17,714

- Welcome to the team, recruits.

00:08:17,845 --> 00:08:20,282

I'm Kristi Noem,

Head of Homeland Security.

00:08:21,152 --> 00:08:23,459

- Oh, she seems nice, mkay?

Very pretty.

00:08:23,807 --> 00:08:25,982

- A few years ago,

I had to put my puppy down

00:08:25,983 --> 00:08:27,463

by shooting it in the face,

00:08:27,594 --> 00:08:29,420

because sometimes

doing what's important

00:08:29,421 --> 00:08:30,858

means doing what's hard.

00:08:31,380 --> 00:08:32,380

[sirens whoop]

00:08:32,381 --> 00:08:33,599

[gunfire]

00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,165

[dog yelps]

00:08:35,166 --> 00:08:36,211

- Whoa. Whoa.

00:08:36,907 --> 00:08:38,561

KRISTI NOEM: Now, we'll ask

the same determination of you.

00:08:40,563 --> 00:08:42,216

Because detaining

and questioning people

00:08:42,217 --> 00:08:43,348

is never easy.

00:08:43,827 --> 00:08:45,481

[gunfire]

00:08:45,568 --> 00:08:46,699

[dog yelping]

00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:48,048

- Oh, God!

00:08:48,049 --> 00:08:49,745

- As the face

of Homeland Security,

00:08:49,746 --> 00:08:50,791

I'll be leading the way.

00:08:51,269 --> 00:08:52,574

[gunfire]

00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:53,794

[dog yelping]

00:08:53,968 --> 00:08:55,403

And together,

we'll make sure

00:08:55,404 --> 00:08:57,537

everyone is in this country

legally.

00:08:57,885 --> 00:08:59,668

[power tools whirring]

00:08:59,669 --> 00:09:01,844

So let's get out there

and get 'em, recruits.

00:09:01,845 --> 00:09:03,673

Together,

we can make it happen.

00:09:06,894 --> 00:09:08,590

- We hope you enjoyed

the presentation.

00:09:08,591 --> 00:09:10,985

Please step through to the

vehicles for your first raid.

00:09:25,216 --> 00:09:26,913

- Keep your hands and feet

inside the vehicle

00:09:26,914 --> 00:09:27,784

at all times.

00:09:30,918 --> 00:09:33,484

[sirens wailing]

00:09:33,485 --> 00:09:34,964

- Lock and load, recruits!

00:09:34,965 --> 00:09:36,184

Prepare to raid!

00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:38,969

- Mmm-kay.

00:09:43,017 --> 00:09:44,670

CARTMAN: Watch as

Eric Cartman shuts down

00:09:44,671 --> 00:09:46,149

these woke liberal students.

00:09:46,150 --> 00:09:47,064

- Oh, my God.

00:09:47,369 --> 00:09:48,674

What makes you think

you have the right

00:09:48,675 --> 00:09:51,111

to say what I do with my body?

00:09:51,112 --> 00:09:52,026

- Let me ask you something.

00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,244

If a pregnant woman is killed

and the baby dies too,

00:09:54,245 --> 00:09:56,159

why is the killer charged

with a double homicide?

00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:58,945

- Well, b--because people

have different beliefs.

00:09:58,946 --> 00:10:00,468

- It's not about belief.

It's about truth.

00:10:00,469 --> 00:10:02,252

Science confirms life

begins at conception.

00:10:02,253 --> 00:10:04,124

So, yes, Jeremiah 1:5 says,

before I formed you

00:10:04,125 --> 00:10:04,865

in the womb, I knew you.

00:10:05,213 --> 00:10:06,082

But it's just morality

that demands

00:10:06,083 --> 00:10:07,345

we protect the most vulnerable.

00:10:07,519 --> 00:10:09,347

So let me ask you--

when do you think life begins?

00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:12,393

- Eric, are you all right

in there?

00:10:12,394 --> 00:10:13,177

CARTMAN: Yeah, I'm fine, Mom.

00:10:13,482 --> 00:10:14,614

I'm just in here

master debating.

00:10:15,963 --> 00:10:17,311

- Well, Eric, that's enough.

00:10:17,312 --> 00:10:18,878

Let's get out of the bathroom.

00:10:18,879 --> 00:10:19,662

CARTMAN: I can't, Mom.

00:10:20,271 --> 00:10:21,446

I'm master debating to these

young college girls.

00:10:21,708 --> 00:10:24,187

- That's very naughty, Eric.

Stop it.

00:10:24,188 --> 00:10:26,015

CARTMAN: Mom, I finally got

Скриншоты