Японские туалеты

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хочешь ли ты быть в Гриффиндоре или Слизерине.

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Ага, можно выберу?

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Да, видишь, ты должен сразиться с этими феями

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Рэнди

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Рэнди!

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Туалет в дамской комнате сломался

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Опять!

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Ты подергала ручку?

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Да, я подергала ручку.

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Можешь прийти починить, пожалуйста?

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Ладно, ладно

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Ну, посмотрим.

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Это наверное та черная плавающая штучка

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Что ты с ней сделала?

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Я ничего не делал.

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Посмотрим, есть ли вода в унитазе

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Нет! Не поднимай крышку.

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Почему я не могу поднять крышку?

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Не надо, Рэнди!

Угу.

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Эй, ребята! Ваша мама насрала

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и не хочет, чтобы я это видел

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Фу!

Гадость, пап!

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Рэнди! Нам надо купить новый унитаз.

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Мы не можем избавиться от Старины Блю, Шэрон

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Это позорно.

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Это туалет в дамской комнате, им

пользуются гости.

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Ты купишь новый унитаз, Рэнди,

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или я больше не буду помогать тебе продавать

траву!

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Ладно, ладно. Шэрон, ты победила.

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Как обычно.

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Бедный Старина Блю.

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Могу я вам чем-нибудь помочь?

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О, да, просто ищу новый унитаз на замену Старине Блю.

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Хорошо, здесь все наши обычные унитазы ,

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с полной гарантией.

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Сколько вы готовы потратить?

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Ну, я не бедный

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У меня свой бизнес по выращиванию травы.

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Значит, этот у вас самый крутой, да?

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Да, это, наверное, топовая модель,

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до того, как вы начнете разбираться с японскими

туалетами.

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Японские туалеты?

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Да, это своего рода супер-высокий класс

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роскошные модели со всеми наворотами.

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Но вы, наверное, не захотите столько тратить

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Я не бедный

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Хорошо, можем вам их показать

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Японские туалеты вон там

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Привет, Рик. Этот джентльмен

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хотел бы увидеть японские туалеты.

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Конечно, сэр.

Меня зовут Рик.

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Дайте мне знать, если вам что-нибудь понадобится.

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Все эти туалеты оснащены самыми современными

функциями,

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включая автоматическую систему биде,

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блютуз и подогрев сидений.

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Подогреватели сидений?

Конечно.

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И унитаз чувствует, когда вы входите в комнату,

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включает подсветку, играет приветственную

музыку,

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и поднимает для вас крышку.

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Могу я предложить вам газированную воду или

шампанское?

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О, конечно, я возьму шампанское.

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Все функции туалета управляются

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с помощью пульта с сенсорными кнопками, который вы

устанавливаете

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там, где раньше был рулон туалетной бумаги.

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А где же тогда хранить туалетную бумагу?

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В японском туалете вам не нужна туалетная бумага.

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Унитаз моет вас начисто

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Вы шутите

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Нет, это правда

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В нем есть теплая вода и сушилка

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и очищает вас в восемь раз лучше, чем туалетная

бумага.

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Хотите взять один на тест-драйв?

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Конечно

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У меня был довольно плотный завтрак.

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Проходите

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Ладно, сколько?

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Я хотел поговорить с вами о том, что хочу чтобы вы все

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подумали о том, как нас воспринимают как семью.

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Как известные торговцы травкой, мы

успешны,

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и на нас вроде как равняются в этом городе.

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потому что у нас есть хорошие вещи, которые

большинство семей не могут себе позволить.

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Стэн, ты ведь играешь в Hogwarts Legacy

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на PS5, верно?

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Ты играешь в "Наследие Хогвартса" на PS5.

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Да, я... я хочу сказать, что большинство людей в

городе

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даже не купили PS5.

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У них все еще PS4,

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и поэтому мы, по сути, Кеннеди Южного Парка.

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И очевидно, что у обеспеченных семей

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есть хорошие вещи,

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и мы не должны этого стыдиться.

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Новый туалет пришел!

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Hajimemashite.

Japanese Torei des!

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Да, спасибо. Заносите.

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Kyo fun yori! Kro fun yori!

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Kyo fun yori!

Kro fun yori! Kro fun yori!

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Это новый унитаз? Сколько он стоил?

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О, Шэрон. Десюнчик

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Что такое десюнчик?

Десюнчик.

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Тыщ.

Десять тыщ.

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Ты потратили 10 тысяч долларов на унитаз?!

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У нас нет таких денег, Рэнди!

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Вообще-то есть

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Shitsurei Shimasu!

Owarimashita.

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Хорошо, да, прямо здесь? Хорошо.

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Doomo!

Aringanto gozaimashita!

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Aringato gozaimashita!

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Ок, спасибо.

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Ты отнесешь это обратно в магазин

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Попробуй, Шэрон.

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Мне не нужно, Рэнди.

Я хочу...

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Попробуй, Шэрон!

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Я хочу попробовать.

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О, смотрите, вот и он.

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Это мистер Большая шишка.

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Привет, Ричи Рич.

Будешь есть икру

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сегодня в столовой, Ричи Рич?

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Стэн, чтобы ты знал, всем насрать

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На что?

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Пошли, пацаны!

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Ты знаешь, что некоторые даже не могут себе

позволить еду?

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Как насчет подумать о чем-то важном, сучара?

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Что за хрень?

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Эй, Стэн, ты должен быть осторожен

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Чего?

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Слушай, это здорово, что ты из богатой семьи,

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но люди не любят, когда их тыкают носом в это

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Чувак, я даже ничего не сказал!

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Ну, твой отец обзвонил всех вчера вечером

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и сказал, что у тебя унитаз за $10,000

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Что?!

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Спасибо, что пригласил нас на поздний завтрак,

Рэнди.

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Да, а что за особый случай?

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Ну, знаешь, просто хорошо провести время с

дорогими друзьями

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Кому-нибудь нужно в туалет?

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Нет, я.. мне не надо

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Тогда, может, еще кофе?

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Вы заметили сколько снега у нас выпадает сейчас?

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Ага, может это поможет справиться с засухой.

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Будем надеяться.

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Кому-нибудь нужен перерыв на туалет?

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Ну, вообще-то, похоже, мне нужно

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Это был довольно большой завтрак.

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О! О, да, конечно! Это...

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Прямо через коридор

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Прямо там.

Прошу прощения

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Что это было?

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О, это приветственная музыка моего японского

туалета.

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Я слышала о таких.

Разве они не дорогие?

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Да, немного.

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Но для тех из нас, кто может себе это позволить,

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это того стоит.

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Теперь он включил заднюю струю,

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которая очищает вашу попу теплой водой.

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Это передняя струя.

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которая моет ваши яйца или вагину.

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Если задумаетесь, то сухой кусок туалетной бумаги

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в два раза менее эффективен, чем вода под давлением

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Мне жаль, что большинство людей вынуждены ходить

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с фекалиями на анусе,

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но мне просто повезло.

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Я продал достаточно травы, чтобы этого не делать.

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Но было ли это везением?

Или это была тяжелая работа?

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Я не знаю, но знаете...

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Пап, можно с тобой поговорить?!

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Стэн? Ты уже вернулся из школы?

00:08:56,719 --> 00:08:59,622

Мне нужно поговорить с тобой прямо сейчас!

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Что ты творишь?!

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Что ты творишь?

00:09:02,225 --> 00:09:04,194

Прекрати выпендриваться перед всеми!

00:09:04,194 --> 00:09:05,795

Я не выпендриваюсь.

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Нет, ты выпендриваешься, а в школе

00:09:07,096 --> 00:09:09,466

меня называют Ричи Рич!

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Правда?

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Никому нет дела до твоего дурацкого туалета

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- Ты тупой

- и ты ведешь себя как придурок.

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Я веду себя как придурок, потому что пытаюсь

помочь людям?!

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Как ты пытаешься помочь людям, пап?

00:09:20,109 --> 00:09:23,546

Потому что люди не знают, что эти туалеты

классные,

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а я просто, типа, уважаемый парень.

00:09:25,715 --> 00:09:28,751

который пытается открыть людям глаза, как Кеннеди.

00:09:28,751 --> 00:09:31,554

Ты не такой, как Кеннеди!

00:09:31,554 --> 00:09:33,289

Ты просто хвастаешься!

00:09:33,289 --> 00:09:36,893

Не-а, я как Кеннеди, потому что я пытаюсь что-то

изменить!

00:09:36,893 --> 00:09:39,429

Ты член очень уважаемой семьи, Стэн.

00:09:39,429 --> 00:09:41,731

Ты должен начать вести себя соответственно.

00:09:41,731 --> 00:09:43,633

Ладно, кто следующий?

00:09:57,888 --> 00:10:02,827

♪ Atashi wa Heia des-u ♪

00:10:02,827 --> 00:10:06,330

♪ Toire ni iru kara ♪

00:10:06,330 --> 00:10:07,365

Рэнди?

00:10:07,365 --> 00:10:08,766

♪ Kimochi ii ♪

00:10:08,766 --> 00:10:10,701

Рэнди! Что?!

00:10:10,701 --> 00:10:14,238

Твой проктолог пришёл

00:10:14,238 --> 00:10:15,940

Мой проктолог?

00:10:15,940 --> 00:10:17,308

♪ Atashi ♪

00:10:18,409 --> 00:10:19,944

О, привет, док.

00:10:19,944 --> 00:10:22,346

Ну, Рэнди Марш, как дела?

00:10:22,346 --> 00:10:24,081

У меня все отлично.

А вы как?

00:10:24,081 --> 00:10:26,183

Замечательно! Просто был очень занят.

00:10:26,183 --> 00:10:29,086

Вообще-то, послезавтра я везу жену в Тоскану.

00:10:29,086 --> 00:10:31,088

В Тоскану?

Ух ты, потрясно.

00:10:31,088 --> 00:10:33,257

В общем, Рэнди, ты не приходил ко мне

00:10:33,257 --> 00:10:35,026

несколько дней, так что я подумал, что приду

00:10:35,026 --> 00:10:37,361

сам к тебе на дом, чтобы помочь с геморроем.

00:10:37,361 --> 00:10:39,296

О! Нет, доктор.

00:10:39,296 --> 00:10:41,632

Мне не нужно было приходить к вам в офис

00:10:41,632 --> 00:10:44,201

Вообще, я не думаю, что мне больше

понадобятся ваши услуги

00:10:44,201 --> 00:10:46,804

с тех пор, как у меня появился японский унитаз.

00:10:46,804 --> 00:10:48,372

О... О, правда?

00:10:48,372 --> 00:10:50,374

Это полностью изменило мою жизнь.

00:10:50,374 --> 00:10:52,243

Я стал здоровее, у меня меньше стресса,

00:10:52,243 --> 00:10:55,046

и у меня нет геморроя, потому что я не размазываю

дерьмо

00:10:55,046 --> 00:10:56,981

по всей заднице туалетной бумагой.

00:10:56,981 --> 00:10:58,315

Хм.

00:10:58,315 --> 00:10:59,583

Давай, хочешь на него посмотреть?!

00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:02,286

Давай, посмотри.

00:11:15,499 --> 00:11:17,334

Д-р Шелтэр?

00:11:19,437 --> 00:11:21,739

Доктор Шелтэр?!

00:11:21,739 --> 00:11:23,774

Ты тупица!

Эй, эй, эй!

00:11:23,774 --> 00:11:26,410

Ты разрушил Тоскану!

00:11:26,410 --> 00:11:27,912

Прекрати!

Я тебя ненавижу!

00:11:27,912 --> 00:11:30,448

Я ненавижу тебя! Я ненавижу тебя!

00:11:30,448 --> 00:11:32,616

Давай!

Убирайся отсюда!

00:11:32,616 --> 00:11:34,018

Как я должен сказать своей жене.

00:11:34,018 --> 00:11:36,620

что теперь мы не можем позволить себе поехать в

Тоскану?!

00:11:36,620 --> 00:11:40,124

Я и не думал, что ты так много зарабатываешь на

моей заднице.

00:11:40,124 --> 00:11:42,126

Давай. Пошел.

00:11:42,126 --> 00:11:43,728

Пшел!

00:11:53,471 --> 00:11:55,139

Эй, Стэн!

Подожди!

00:11:55,139 --> 00:11:56,607

Что?

00:11:56,607 --> 00:11:58,876

Мы же хорошие друзья, Стэн

00:11:58,876 --> 00:12:00,945

и... и я хотел спросить, может быть

00:12:00,945 --> 00:12:02,813

у тебя и ершик для унитаза золотой?

00:12:02,813 --> 00:12:05,182

Почему золотой? Ну, а как ещё

00:12:05,182 --> 00:12:07,852

когда у тебя такой шикарный туалет, Ричи Рич!

00:12:09,553 --> 00:12:12,356

Я сделал это!

Я тоже назвал Стэна Ричи Ричем!

00:12:12,356 --> 00:12:14,925

Это весело!

00:12:17,328 --> 00:12:20,297

Стэн, ты должен перестать хвастаться своим туалетом

00:12:20,297 --> 00:12:22,199

Я не хвастаюсь своим туалетом!

00:12:22,199 --> 00:12:24,201

И вообще, почему это вдруг большое дело?

00:12:24,201 --> 00:12:28,038

Это большое дело, Стэн.

Ты просто не понимаешь.

00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:34,411

Ты когда-нибудь задумывался, почему мы

пользуемся туалетной бумагой?

00:12:34,411 --> 00:12:37,882

Нам говорят мыть руки... носить маски в толпе...

00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:39,917

но по какой-то причине, когда дело доходит до

вытирания задницы,

00:12:39,917 --> 00:12:42,720

нам говорят делать это маленьким кусочком бумаги

00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,389

Мы все - все мы - сейчас ходим вокруг

00:12:45,389 --> 00:12:48,259

с небольшим количеством дерьма, размазанного по нашим задницам.

00:12:48,259 --> 00:12:50,060

Знаешь, что 70% людей в мире

00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:53,063

вообще не пользуются её?

00:12:53,063 --> 00:12:55,099

70% людей в мире не пользуются туалетной бумагой?

00:12:55,099 --> 00:12:56,834

Погугли

00:12:56,834 --> 00:12:59,703

Большинство людей до сих пор пользуются

старым добрым мылом и водой

00:12:59,703 --> 00:13:02,506

Средний американец использует 140 рулонов

00:13:02,506 --> 00:13:04,375

туалетной бумаги в год.

00:13:04,375 --> 00:13:07,044

Можешь представить, сколько это деревьев?

00:13:07,044 --> 00:13:08,879

Чтобы обеспечить Соединенные Штаты туалетной бумагой,

00:13:08,879 --> 00:13:13,717

требуется 31,1 миллиона деревьев в год.

00:13:13,717 --> 00:13:15,386

Только миллион акров в год

00:13:15,386 --> 00:13:16,921

драгоценной канадской тайги

00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:19,523

высвобождает до 25 тонн CO2

00:13:19,523 --> 00:13:22,026

и восстанавлиает 90% бесплодной почвы

00:13:22,026 --> 00:13:24,762

Почему же американцы так много её используют?

00:13:24,762 --> 00:13:26,597

Вот в чем главный вопрос, не так ли?

00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:29,433

Все это не имеет никакого смысла.

Ну, тогда, может кто-то...

00:13:29,433 --> 00:13:31,402

Просто скажи своему отцу, чтобы прекратил

00:13:31,402 --> 00:13:33,304

Американцы не хотят менять свои туалеты.

00:13:33,304 --> 00:13:35,639

и никогда не поменяют.

00:13:35,639 --> 00:13:38,809

Дамы и господа, у нас общественное объявлание

00:13:38,809 --> 00:13:41,478

Один из граждан попросил произнести речь

00:13:41,478 --> 00:13:44,481

Пожалуйста, поприветствуйте мистера Рэнди С. Марша.

00:13:48,886 --> 00:13:51,755

Спасибо, мэр.

Спасибо вам всем.

00:13:51,755 --> 00:13:54,124

Вы знаете, Марши - это семья, которая старается

всегда

00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:55,993

подавать пример.

00:13:55,993 --> 00:13:59,797

И мы знаем, что все вы это цените.

00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:04,735

Каждый заслуживает быть чистым, и правда в том,

что вы можете им быть.

00:14:04,735 --> 00:14:06,337

Может, вы и не Марши,

00:14:06,337 --> 00:14:09,640

но вы можете позволить себе японский туалет.

00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:12,409

Только не такой хороший, как у нас.

00:14:12,409 --> 00:14:14,245

Если принять во внимание деньги

00:14:14,245 --> 00:14:17,448

которые мы все тратим на туалетную бумагу, врачей

и крем от геморроя,

00:14:17,448 --> 00:14:21,785

японский унитаз окупается за несколько лет.

00:14:21,785 --> 00:14:25,356

Есть японские унитазы и для простых людей

00:14:25,356 --> 00:14:27,825

Walmart и Amazon предлагают дешевые и паршивые

00:14:27,825 --> 00:14:31,462

японские унитазы, которые может позволить себе каждый.

00:14:31,462 --> 00:14:33,197

Есть даже такие штуки, для крепления

00:14:33,197 --> 00:14:34,798

на ваш существующий унитаза

00:14:34,798 --> 00:14:37,201

которые позволят вам почувствовать себя Маршем.

00:14:37,201 --> 00:14:39,536

Они могут быть не "Нихон Но стай-ру",

00:14:39,536 --> 00:14:42,339

но они достаточно хороши для вас

00:14:42,339 --> 00:14:47,778

Дело в том, что даже обычным людям больше не нужна

туалетная бумага!

00:14:47,778 --> 00:14:50,547

И поэтому я предлагаю, чтобы в этом городе все...

00:14:52,650 --> 00:14:55,853

Черт возьми!

00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:57,788

Рэнди?!

00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:07,665

Мне жаль, но он в критическом состоянии.

00:15:07,665 --> 00:15:09,533

Кто в него стрелял?

00:15:09,533 --> 00:15:11,402

Никто не знает.

00:15:11,402 --> 00:15:13,304

С ним все будет в порядке?

00:15:13,304 --> 00:15:14,872

Он в коме.

00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:18,208

Он без сознания и несет чепуху

00:15:19,743 --> 00:15:24,515

Bikkuri... Bikkurishita...

Taiehn deshou...

00:15:24,515 --> 00:15:27,718

Мистер Марш, вся ваша семья здесь.

00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:30,754

Ваша жена, ваша дочь и ваш сын.

00:15:30,754 --> 00:15:33,324

T-Toire Wa?

00:15:33,324 --> 00:15:35,693

Нет, ваш туалет остался на ферме

00:15:35,693 --> 00:15:38,696

Taihen ja naaaa....

00:15:38,696 --> 00:15:41,398

Папа, прости, что я накричал на тебя

00:15:41,398 --> 00:15:44,168

Я не знал, что ты действительно пытался помочь.

00:15:44,168 --> 00:15:47,738

Kon-nichi waaa...

00:15:49,506 --> 00:15:53,444

- Стэн, куда ты?

- Однажды я уже подвел отца.

00:15:53,444 --> 00:15:55,579

Кто-то должен продолжить то, что он начал

00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:03,462

Я обещаю, мы делаем все возможное

00:16:03,462 --> 00:16:04,896

Я сожалею о том, что случилось,

00:16:04,896 --> 00:16:06,832

но ты должен довериться профессионалам.

00:16:06,832 --> 00:16:08,834

Здесь происходит нечто большее.

00:16:08,834 --> 00:16:11,169

Я думаю, мой отец был в чем-то прав, а я

00:16:11,169 --> 00:16:13,338

не послушал его, и теперь он в больнице.

00:16:13,338 --> 00:16:14,739

У нас уже есть несколько зацепок

00:16:14,739 --> 00:16:16,541

и мы следим за всеми

00:16:16,541 --> 00:16:19,544

Поверь, мы относимся ко всему этому очень

серьезно.

00:16:19,544 --> 00:16:21,480

Для нас это не шутка.

00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,482

-Шеф, эй, шеф!

-Да?

00:16:23,482 --> 00:16:24,816

Заходит злой проктоло

00:16:24,816 --> 00:16:26,918

в туалетный отдел "Хоум Депо".

00:16:26,918 --> 00:16:28,720

Ага?

00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:30,655

Проктолог говорит менеджеру по унитазам,

00:16:30,655 --> 00:16:32,524

"Я не возьму на себя вину",

и наставил пистолет

00:16:32,524 --> 00:16:34,226

на шестерых японских курьеров.

00:16:34,226 --> 00:16:35,861

Так

00:16:35,861 --> 00:16:37,696

Короче, выходят шесть японских курьеров,

00:16:37,696 --> 00:16:39,498

а проктолог держит всех в заложниках

00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:40,899

и говорит, что не возьмет вину на себя

00:16:40,899 --> 00:16:43,201

за убийство Рэнди Марша.

00:16:43,201 --> 00:16:45,036

О, черт, так это реально происходит?!

00:16:45,036 --> 00:16:46,771

Давайте, народ, погнали!

00:16:49,608 --> 00:16:51,543

Я за это не сяду!

00:16:51,543 --> 00:16:54,880

Вы поняли, копы?! Я ни в кого не стрелял!

00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:56,348

Но если меня посадят,

00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:58,750

я заберу этих балбесов с собой!

00:16:58,750 --> 00:17:00,552

Хотите газированной воды или шам...

00:17:00,552 --> 00:17:02,587

Убирайся отсюда!

00:17:02,587 --> 00:17:04,122

Выходи

00:17:04,122 --> 00:17:07,192

Другого выхода нет, ты окружен

00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:09,861

Я не стрелял в Рэнди Марша!

00:17:09,861 --> 00:17:12,731

-Taihen!

- Никто не говорит, что ты стрелял!

00:17:12,731 --> 00:17:15,967

Нет, но они собираются использовать меня как козла

отпущения!

00:17:15,967 --> 00:17:18,303

Они все исправят, как обычно!

00:17:18,303 --> 00:17:20,372

- Кто?

- Они подключат своих адвокатов

00:17:20,372 --> 00:17:22,741

и свою власть, чтобы все это исчезло!

00:17:22,741 --> 00:17:24,876

Точно так же, как они сделали, когда тот

второклассник

00:17:24,876 --> 00:17:26,978

написал статью в школьной газете о туалетах

00:17:26,978 --> 00:17:28,246

два года назад!

00:17:28,246 --> 00:17:29,714

Они и меня уберут!

00:17:29,714 --> 00:17:31,283

Их не остановить!

00:17:31,283 --> 00:17:32,784

Не делай этого!

00:17:34,553 --> 00:17:36,555

Sabishiiiii!

00:17:36,555 --> 00:17:38,323

Хорошо, выдвигаемся!

00:17:38,323 --> 00:17:40,125

Обезопасьте перимтер

00:17:40,125 --> 00:17:43,562

Ученик 2-го класса два года назад...

00:17:43,562 --> 00:17:45,931

написал о туалетах в школьной газете.

00:17:49,768 --> 00:17:53,605

Ты не предупреждал меня о том, что

кто-то может расстроиться.

00:17:53,605 --> 00:17:55,207

Ты знаешь об этом больше.

00:17:57,776 --> 00:17:59,311

Эй!

00:17:59,311 --> 00:18:01,012

Ты написал статью в школьной газете

00:18:01,012 --> 00:18:02,614

и кто-то пришел за тобой!

00:18:02,614 --> 00:18:04,783

Ну написал я статью, большое дело!

00:18:04,783 --> 00:18:07,018

Джимми, я хочу знать, кто стрелял в моего отца!

00:18:07,018 --> 00:18:09,154

Они забрали у меня все, Стэн.

00:18:09,154 --> 00:18:11,790

Мой велосипед... кошку...

00:18:11,790 --> 00:18:13,258

Они собирались засудить моих родителей

00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:15,493

за то, что я написал в школьной газете.

00:18:15,493 --> 00:18:18,964

Ты говоришь о компаниях по производству туалетной бумаги.

00:18:18,964 --> 00:18:21,866

Кому больше всех терять?

Это все туалетная бумага, Стэн!

00:18:21,866 --> 00:18:25,637

Следуй за деньгами!

140 рулонов на одного американца в год.

00:18:25,637 --> 00:18:27,472

Фабрики выпускают рулон за рулоном.

00:18:27,472 --> 00:18:29,107

при этом уничтожая ресурсы Земли

00:18:29,107 --> 00:18:31,009

И все это ради антисанитарного продукта.

00:18:31,009 --> 00:18:33,345

который, доказано, способствует появлению

анальных трещин.

00:18:33,345 --> 00:18:35,013

Неужели ты не понимаешь, чел?

00:18:35,013 --> 00:18:38,516

Бумага не очищает бактерии.

Она не может остановить вирусы.

00:18:38,516 --> 00:18:39,985

Со всей этой информацией,

00:18:39,985 --> 00:18:41,353

можно подумать, что Всемирная организация здравоохранения

00:18:41,353 --> 00:18:43,555

проведет исследования, чтобы найти альтернативу.

00:18:43,555 --> 00:18:45,156

Почему же они этого не делают?

00:18:45,156 --> 00:18:47,192

Потому что туалетная бумага - это индустрия

стоимостью

00:18:47,192 --> 00:18:50,729

миллиарды и миллиарды долларов.

00:18:50,729 --> 00:18:54,899

Kimberly-Clark, Georgia-Pacific, Procter & Gamble.

00:18:54,899 --> 00:18:57,535

Им не нужны японские туалеты в Америке

00:18:57,535 --> 00:18:59,738

и у них есть власть, чтобы остановить их,

00:18:59,738 --> 00:19:02,974

и остановить тебя.

00:19:02,974 --> 00:19:05,176

Я не могу поверить, что они стреляли в моего отца...

00:19:05,176 --> 00:19:07,646

потому что он хотел что-то изменить.

00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:11,349

У этих людей карманы глубже, чем ты можешь вообразить

00:19:11,349 --> 00:19:14,719

Они могут уничтожить все, что ты любишь, Стэн.

00:19:14,719 --> 00:19:16,421

Послушай моего совета...

00:19:16,421 --> 00:19:20,358

{\an8}(Джимми произносит слоган из рекламы туалетной бумаги "не сжимайте Charmin")

00:19:16,421 --> 00:19:20,358

Иначе белая полоса станет черной

00:19:20,358 --> 00:19:24,195

Возможно, ты слишком напуган, Джимми, но я - Марш.

00:19:28,733 --> 00:19:30,368

Мои сограждане американцы...

00:19:30,368 --> 00:19:32,337

нас принудили и промыли мозги.

00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:34,039

В то время как весь остальной мир ходит вокруг

00:19:34,039 --> 00:19:36,541

с чистыми задницами, мы одержимы сухой бумагой

00:19:36,541 --> 00:19:39,411

которую нам продают миллиардные корпорации.

00:19:39,411 --> 00:19:42,547

- Да.

- Эй, да он прав!

00:19:42,547 --> 00:19:44,949

Мой отец хотел, чтобы все увидели, что есть альтернативы.

00:19:44,949 --> 00:19:47,018

Но они не хотят, чтобы он говорил об альтернативах!

00:19:47,018 --> 00:19:48,720

Да! Да!

Да! Да!

00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:51,723

И мы больше не можем слепо покупать их продукцию.

00:19:51,723 --> 00:19:54,059

И как город, мы найдем альтернативы,

00:19:54,059 --> 00:19:55,293

и мы не будем бояться...

00:19:55,293 --> 00:19:57,929

Стоп! Стоп!

Мы не будем этого делать!

00:19:57,929 --> 00:20:00,198

Пап!

Все остановитесь, мы не будем этого делать.

00:20:00,198 --> 00:20:02,400

Спасибо. Южный парк, мы... мы прерываемся

00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:04,803

Я был совершенно неправ и хочу извиниться

00:20:04,803 --> 00:20:06,371

Нет, пап, это компании по производству туалетной бумаги.

00:20:06,371 --> 00:20:08,139

которые стоят за всем...

Да, я знаю.

00:20:08,139 --> 00:20:10,408

Да, так что мы не имеем ничего против туалетной бумаги.

00:20:10,408 --> 00:20:11,910

Это отличный продукт и..,

00:20:11,910 --> 00:20:13,411

с моей стороны было ребячеством смеяться над ней.

00:20:13,411 --> 00:20:15,080

Спасибо.

Увидимся в другой раз.

00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:16,614

Папа, мы не можем просто отступить.

00:20:16,614 --> 00:20:18,983

Братан! Меня нахер подстрелили!

00:20:20,752 --> 00:20:22,454

Японские туалеты совершенно не нужны,

00:20:22,454 --> 00:20:24,255

и, если кто-то еще слушает,

00:20:24,255 --> 00:20:27,425

я думаю, весь Южный Парк хотел бы извиниться.

00:20:27,425 --> 00:20:30,095

Мы отказываемся от своих слов о компаниях,

производящих туалетную бумагу.

00:20:30,095 --> 00:20:33,565

Они... Они лишь только помогли нам, и мы извиняемся

00:20:33,565 --> 00:20:36,768

Южный Парк - все - скажите, что извиняетесь.

00:20:36,768 --> 00:20:39,070

Мы извиняемся.

00:20:39,070 --> 00:20:41,272

Хорошо, отлично.

Давайте все пойдем по домам

00:20:41,272 --> 00:20:43,608

А как же помощь людям и пример для подражания?

00:20:43,608 --> 00:20:45,577

Мы не чертовы Кеннеди, Стэн.

00:20:45,577 --> 00:20:47,245

Хватит быть идиотом.

00:21:12,203 --> 00:21:16,007

Приятно, что ты вернулся, Старина Блю.

00:21:16,007 --> 00:21:18,810

Знаете, ребята, на самом деле мне не так уж и грустно.

00:21:18,810 --> 00:21:21,212

Иметь японский туалет было здорово, но...

00:21:21,212 --> 00:21:23,114

Я понял, что,

00:21:23,114 --> 00:21:25,817

когда у тебя есть большая, красивая, роскошная вещь,

00:21:25,817 --> 00:21:27,786

в конце концов, она становится обычной.

00:21:27,786 --> 00:21:29,621

Но ты начинаешь сравнивать это с остальными

вещами

00:21:29,621 --> 00:21:33,024

в жизни, и вдруг понимаешь, что и жизнь надо обновить

00:21:33,024 --> 00:21:35,493

Поэтому лучше просто

00:21:35,493 --> 00:21:38,830

оставаться с дерьмовыми старыми вещами,

которые у нас есть.

00:21:38,830 --> 00:21:40,565

Люблю тебя навсегда, дорогая

00:00:12,053 --> 00:00:13,888

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:13,888 --> 00:00:15,640

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:18,727

♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:20,270

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:22,105

♪ People spouting,

"howdy, neighbor!" ♪

00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:25,275

♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:28,778

♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm!

Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪

00:00:28,778 --> 00:00:32,741

♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

00:00:40,123 --> 00:00:41,374

See, Stan?

You gotta choose

00:00:41,374 --> 00:00:43,251

if you wanna be

in Gryffindor or Slytherin.

00:00:43,251 --> 00:00:45,211

Yeah, can I do it?

00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:47,297

Yeah, see, you gotta fight

these fairy guys.

00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:48,465

Randy.

00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,134

Randy!

00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:52,635

The powder room

toilet is broken.

00:00:52,635 --> 00:00:54,053

Again!

00:00:54,053 --> 00:00:55,513

Did you jiggle

the handle?

00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:56,973

Yes, I jiggled the handle.

00:00:56,973 --> 00:00:58,767

Will you come

fix this, please?

00:00:58,767 --> 00:01:01,144

Okay, okay.

00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:08,526

Huh, well, let's see.

00:01:08,526 --> 00:01:12,238

It's gotta be the little

black floaty thingie.

00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:13,490

What'd you do to it?

00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:15,158

I didn't do anything.

00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:16,451

Lemme see if there's

water in the bowl.

00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:18,495

No!

Don't lift the lid.

00:01:18,495 --> 00:01:20,205

Why can't I

lift the lid?

00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:23,208

Don't, Randy!

Uh-huh.

00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:25,168

Hey, guys!

Your mom took a shit

00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:26,711

and doesn't want me

to see it.

00:01:26,711 --> 00:01:28,671

Ew!

Gross, Dad!

00:01:28,671 --> 00:01:31,382

Randy!

We need to get a new toilet.

00:01:31,382 --> 00:01:33,927

We can't just get rid

of ol' blue, Sharon.

00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,470

This is embarrassing.

00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:38,431

It's the powder room toilet,

the one guests use.

00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:40,016

You get a new toilet, Randy,

00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:43,019

or I'm not helping you

sell weed anymore!

00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:45,396

Alright, alright.

Sharon, you win.

00:01:45,396 --> 00:01:46,564

As usual.

00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:49,818

Poor ol' Blue.

00:01:58,034 --> 00:01:59,786

Can I help you

with anything?

00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:02,580

Oh, yeah, just lookin' for a new

toilet to replace Ol' Blue.

00:02:02,580 --> 00:02:04,707

Alright, well, all our toilets

here are standard bowl,

00:02:04,707 --> 00:02:05,875

come with full warranty.

00:02:05,875 --> 00:02:07,168

How much

you looking to spend?

00:02:07,168 --> 00:02:08,503

Well I'm not poor.

00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:10,547

I happen to have

my own weed business.

00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:12,882

So that's pretty much

the nicest one you have, right?

00:02:12,882 --> 00:02:14,467

Yeah, that's probably

the top model, you know,

00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:18,012

before you start getting

into the Japanese toilets.

00:02:18,012 --> 00:02:19,347

Japanese toilets?

00:02:19,347 --> 00:02:21,057

Yeah, they're the sort of

the super-high-class

00:02:21,057 --> 00:02:22,684

luxury models with all

the bells and whistles.

00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:25,395

But you probably don't wanna

spend that kind of money.

00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:27,105

I'm not poor.

00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:29,858

Oh, well,

we can show them to you.

00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:32,068

The Japanese toilets

are right over there.

00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:39,075

Hi, Rick.

This gentleman

00:02:39,075 --> 00:02:40,869

would like to see

the Japanese toilets.

00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:43,079

Well, of course, sir.

My name is Rick.

00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:45,081

Let me know if there's

anything you need.

00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:49,460

These toilets are all equipped

with the highest-end features,

00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:51,254

including an automatic

bidet system,

00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:53,756

bluetooth capability,

and seat warmers.

00:02:53,756 --> 00:02:56,050

Seat warmers?

00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:57,760

And the toilet senses

when you've come into the room,

00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,971

turns on a small light,

plays welcome music,

00:02:59,971 --> 00:03:01,639

and raises the lid

for you.

00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:04,350

Can I offer you come

sparkling water or champagne?

00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:06,603

Oh, sure,

I'll take some champagne.

00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:08,563

All the toilet's functions

are operated

00:03:08,563 --> 00:03:10,565

by a touch-button remote

which you mount

00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:12,775

where the toilet-paper roll

used to go.

00:03:12,775 --> 00:03:14,861

So then where do you keep

the toilet paper?

00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:18,197

With a Japanese toilet,

you don't need toilet paper.

00:03:18,197 --> 00:03:20,700

The toilet washes you

completely clean.

00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:24,203

You're mad.

00:03:24,203 --> 00:03:25,997

No, it's true.

00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:27,749

It has warm water

and a dryer

00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:30,585

and cleans you eight times

better than toilet paper can.

00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:34,964

Would you like to take one

for a test drive?

00:03:34,964 --> 00:03:36,174

Oh, uh, sure.

00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:38,217

I did have kind of

a big breakfast.

00:03:38,217 --> 00:03:39,802

Right over here.

00:03:55,443 --> 00:03:56,945

{\an8}Oh, yeah ♪

00:03:59,113 --> 00:04:01,366

I, I, I ♪

00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:02,992

Oh.

00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:05,578

Oh, yeah ♪

00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:09,499

Ooh.

Oh, oh! Oh.

00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:10,917

Ahhh!

00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:13,044

Oh, oh!

00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:22,470

Ohh! Oh.

00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:30,979

Okay, how much?

00:04:30,979 --> 00:04:34,399

Guys, I wanted to talk to you

because I want you all

00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:36,859

to think about how

we're viewed as a family.

00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:41,197

You know, as a prominent

weed dealer, we are successful,

00:04:41,197 --> 00:04:43,825

and we're sort of looked up to

in this town

00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:47,829

because we have nice things

that most families can't afford.

00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:49,914

I mean, Stan, you're playing

"Hogwarts Legacy"

00:04:49,914 --> 00:04:51,541

on PS5, right?

00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:53,626

You're playing

"Hogwarts Legacy" on a PS5.

00:04:53,626 --> 00:04:56,087

Yeah, my-- my point is

that most people in town

00:04:56,087 --> 00:04:57,672

don't even have a PS5.

00:04:57,672 --> 00:04:59,215

They still have PS4s,

00:04:59,215 --> 00:05:02,635

and so we're basically

the Kennedys of South Park.

00:05:03,928 --> 00:05:07,056

And the plain fact is

that well-off families

00:05:07,056 --> 00:05:08,474

have nice things,

00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:10,560

and we shouldn't be

ashamed of that.

00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:18,276

Hajimemashite.

Japanese Torei des!

00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:20,403

Uh, yes, thank you.

Bring it on in.

00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:23,489

Delivery men:

Kyo fun yori! Kro fun yori!

00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:28,494

Kyo fun yori!

Kro fun yori! Kro fun yori!

00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:31,289

That's the new toilet?

How much did it cost?

00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:33,958

Oh, Sharon. Tennish.

00:05:33,958 --> 00:05:36,502

What's tennish?

00:05:36,502 --> 00:05:38,713

Thousandish.

Ten thousandish.

00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:41,924

You spent $10,000

on a toilet?!

00:05:41,924 --> 00:05:44,177

We don't have

that kind of money, Randy!

00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:45,470

Yeah, we do.

00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,388

Shitsurei Shimasu!

Owarimashita.

00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:49,265

Okay, yeah, right here?

Okay.

00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:54,771

Doomo!

Aringanto gozaimashita!

00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:56,606

Aringato gozaimashita!

00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:58,066

K, thanks.

00:06:03,362 --> 00:06:05,782

You are taking that back

to the store.

00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:07,116

Try it, Sharon.

00:06:07,116 --> 00:06:08,576

I don't need to, Randy.

I want--

00:06:08,576 --> 00:06:10,203

Try it, Sharon!

00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:21,297

Oh, yeah ♪

00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:23,132

Oh. Oh.

00:06:23,132 --> 00:06:24,509

I, I, I ♪

00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:26,886

Oh! Ohh!

00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,387

Ah-ha-ha!

00:06:28,387 --> 00:06:29,430

I wanna try it.

00:06:29,430 --> 00:06:30,640

Shhh!

00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,016

Ah-ho-ho!

00:06:32,016 --> 00:06:34,310

Ohh!

00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:41,275

Oh, look,

there he goes.

00:06:41,275 --> 00:06:42,985

It's Mr. Big Shot.

00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:46,572

Hey, Richie Rich.

You eating caviar

00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:48,199

for lunch today,

Richie Rich?

00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:55,164

Stan, just so you know,

nobody gives a shit.

00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:58,417

About what?

00:06:58,417 --> 00:06:59,752

Come on, guys!

00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:04,966

Did you know some people

can't even afford to eat?

00:07:04,966 --> 00:07:07,885

How about caring for something

that matters, you bitch?

00:07:09,345 --> 00:07:10,763

What the fuck?

00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:13,474

Hey, Stan, you really

have to be careful.

00:07:13,474 --> 00:07:15,059

Of what?

00:07:15,059 --> 00:07:17,103

Look, it's great that you come

from a wealthy family,

00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:19,230

but people don't like getting

their noses rubbed in it.

00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:21,941

Dude, I haven't

even said anything!

00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:23,818

Well, your dad called

everyone last night

00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:26,070

and told them you have

a $10,000 toilet.

00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:27,321

What?!

00:07:28,906 --> 00:07:31,492

Well, thanks for having us

over for brunch, Randy.

00:07:31,492 --> 00:07:33,953

Yeah, what's

the special occasion?

00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:37,165

Oh, you know, just good times

with dear friends.

00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:39,417

Does anyone need

to go to the bathroom?

00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:41,043

Uh, no, I'm--

I'm good.

00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:42,962

Oh, maybe some

more coffee, then.

00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:45,339

Can you guys believe

all the snow we've gotten?

00:07:45,339 --> 00:07:47,466

Yeah, maybe it will actually

help with the drought.

00:07:47,466 --> 00:07:48,551

Let's hope so.

00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:52,054

Does anyone need

a bathroom break?

00:07:52,054 --> 00:07:54,390

Well, actually, I-I think

I could use the restroom.

00:07:54,390 --> 00:07:55,892

That was kind of

a big breakfast.

00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:57,727

Oh! Oh, yeah, sure!

It's, uh--

00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:58,728

It's right across

the hallway.

00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:00,938

Right there.

00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:08,696

Butters' Dad:

Oh.

00:08:08,696 --> 00:08:10,364

What was that?

00:08:10,364 --> 00:08:12,909

Oh, that's the welcome music

for my Japanese toilet.

00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:15,286

I've heard of those.

Aren't they expensive?

00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:16,746

Yeah, a bit.

00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:18,664

But for those of us

who can afford it,

00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:20,166

it's well worth it.

00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:22,084

Oh! Ohhh!

00:08:22,084 --> 00:08:24,295

Ohhhh!

00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:26,005

He's now turned on

the rear jet,

00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:28,257

which cleans your bottom

with warm water.

00:08:28,257 --> 00:08:29,634

Oh. Ohhh!

00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:31,928

Ah!

That's the front washer

00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:34,430

that washes your balls,

or vagina.

00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:39,393

If you think about it,

a dry piece of toilet paper

00:08:39,393 --> 00:08:42,021

can't clean you half as well

as pressurized water.

00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:43,689

I feel bad that most people

have to walk around

00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:45,399

with fecal matter

on their anus,

00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:46,859

but I'm just lucky

00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:48,819

I've sold enough weed

to be able not to.

00:08:48,819 --> 00:08:51,489

But was it really luck?

Or was it hard work?

00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:53,074

Heck, I don't know,

but you know--

00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:54,700

Dad, can I

talk to you?!

00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,702

Stan? You're back

from school already?

00:08:56,702 --> 00:08:59,372

I need to talk to you

right now!

00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:00,581

The fuck are you doing?!

00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:02,041

Fuck are you doing?

00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:04,126

You need to stop

gloating to everybody!

00:09:04,126 --> 00:09:05,795

I am not gloating.

00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:06,963

Yes, you are,

and now kids at school

00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:09,215

are calling me

Richie Rich!

00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,758

They are?

00:09:10,758 --> 00:09:12,260

Nobody cares about

your stupid toilet

00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:14,053

and you're acting

like a jerk.

00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:18,099

I'm acting like a jerk because

I'm trying to help people?!

00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:20,059

How are you trying

to help people, Dad?

00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:23,479

Because the people don't know

that these toilets are awesome,

00:09:23,479 --> 00:09:25,690

and I'm just, like,

the well-respected guy

00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:28,484

who's trying to open

people's eyes like JFK.

00:09:28,484 --> 00:09:31,570

You are not like JFK!

00:09:31,570 --> 00:09:33,030

You're just showing off!

00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:36,867

Nu-uh, I'm like JFK 'cause

I am trying to change things!

00:09:36,867 --> 00:09:39,328

You're part of a very

respected family, Stan.

00:09:39,328 --> 00:09:41,539

You should start

acting like it.

00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:43,541

Okay, who's next?

00:09:49,672 --> 00:09:53,718

{\an8}Oh, yeah ♪

00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:55,177

{\an8}I, I, I ♪

00:09:57,888 --> 00:10:02,768

Atashi wa Heia des-u ♪

00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:06,355

Randy singing along:

Toire ni iru kara ♪

00:10:06,355 --> 00:10:07,273

Randy?

00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:08,774

♪ Kimochi i i ♪

00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:10,609

Randy!

What?!

00:10:10,609 --> 00:10:14,155

Your proctologist

is here to see you.

00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:16,032

My proctologist?

00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:17,408

Atashi ♪

00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:19,952

Oh, hey there, Doc.

00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:22,246

Well, Randy Marsh,

how are ya?

00:10:22,246 --> 00:10:24,123

I'm doing great.

How are you?

00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:26,167

Wonderful!

Just been super busy.

00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:29,170

I'm actually takin' the wife

to Tuscany day after tomorrow.

00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:31,047

Tuscany?

Wow. Awesome.

00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:33,299

Yeah, well, Randy

you haven't been in my office

00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:35,009

for a few days,

so I thought I'd come

00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:37,345

do a house call to help you

with your hemorrhoids.

00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:39,347

Oh! No, Doctor.

00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:41,682

I haven't needed

to come to your office.

00:10:41,682 --> 00:10:44,268

In fact, I don't think I'll be

needing your services anymore

00:10:44,268 --> 00:10:46,854

since I've gotten

a Japanese toilet.

00:10:46,854 --> 00:10:48,230

Oh-- Oh, really?

00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:50,232

It's completely

changed my life.

00:10:50,232 --> 00:10:52,234

I'm healthier,

I'm less stressed,

00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:55,071

and I don't get hemorrhoids

'cause I'm not smearing shit

00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:56,906

all over my ass

with toilet paper.

00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:58,407

Huh.

00:10:58,407 --> 00:10:59,700

Here, here.

You wanna come see it?!

00:11:00,659 --> 00:11:02,328

Go on, check it out.

00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:17,385

D-Dr. Sheltair?

00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:21,722

Dr. Sheltair?!

00:11:21,722 --> 00:11:23,766

You stupid!

00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:26,352

You ruined Tuscany!

Gah!

00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:27,978

Stop it!

I hate you!

00:11:27,978 --> 00:11:30,314

I hate you! I hate you!

00:11:30,314 --> 00:11:32,483

Go on!

Get out of here!

00:11:32,483 --> 00:11:33,943

How am I supposed to tell

my wife

00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:36,654

we can't afford

to go to Tuscany now?!

00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:39,990

I never realized you made

so much money off my ass.

00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:42,034

Go on. Get.

00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:43,661

Get!

00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:55,047

Hey, Stan!

Stan hold up!

00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:56,715

What?

00:11:56,715 --> 00:11:58,843

Well, um, you're just

a really good friend, Stan,

00:11:58,843 --> 00:12:00,970

and-- and I was gonna

ask if maybe

00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:02,680

I could borrow

your plungercost?

00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:05,141

What's a plungercost?

00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:07,893

when your toilet's nice

as yours, Richie Rich!

00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:12,314

I did it!

I called Stan Richie Rich, too!

00:12:12,314 --> 00:12:14,900

That was fun!

00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:20,364

Stan, you've got to stop

bragging about your toilet.

00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:22,199

I'm not bragging

about my toilet!

00:12:22,199 --> 00:12:24,160

And why is it

such a big deal anyway?

00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:27,997

It's a big deal, Stan.

You just don't understand why.

00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:34,420

Have you ever asked yourself

why we use toilet paper?

00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:37,756

We're told to wash our hands...

wear masks in crowds...

00:12:37,756 --> 00:12:39,800

but for some reason,

when it comes to wiping our ass,

00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:42,803

we're told to do it

with this little piece of paper.

00:12:42,803 --> 00:12:45,347

We are all-- all of us--

walking around right now

00:12:45,347 --> 00:12:48,225

with a little bit of shit

smeared on our buttholes.

00:12:48,225 --> 00:12:50,102

Did you know that 70%

of people in the world

00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:53,022

don't even use it at all?

00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:54,982

70% of the world

doesn't use toilet paper?

00:12:54,982 --> 00:12:56,942

Look it up.

00:12:56,942 --> 00:12:59,570

Most people in the world still

use good ol' soap and water.

00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:02,448

The average American

uses 140 rolls

00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:04,366

of toilet paper per year.

00:13:04,366 --> 00:13:06,952

Can you even begin to imagine

how many trees that is?

00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:08,787

To supply the United States

its toilet paper,

00:13:08,787 --> 00:13:13,626

it takes 31.1 million

trees per year.

00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,461

A million acres per year

of precious

00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:16,837

Canadian Boreal

forest alone,

00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:19,632

releasing upwards

of 25 metric tons of CO2

00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:22,009

and leveling 90%

of the land barren.

00:13:22,009 --> 00:13:24,637

So, then, why do Americans

use it so much?

00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,597

Well, that's the big question,

isn't it?

00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:29,266

None of it makes any sense.

00:13:29,266 --> 00:13:31,393

Just tell your dad to stop.

00:13:31,393 --> 00:13:33,145

Americans don't want

to change their toilets

00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:35,606

and they never will.

00:13:35,606 --> 00:13:38,651

Ladies and gentlemen, we have

a public service announcement.

00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:41,529

One of our citizens

has asked to speak with you.

00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:44,448

Please welcome

Mr. Randy S. Marsh.

00:13:48,827 --> 00:13:51,789

Thank you, Mayor.

Thank you, everyone.

00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:54,208

You know, the Marshes are

a family that try to always

00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:55,918

lead by example.

00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:59,797

And we know that

all of you appreciate that.

00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:04,677

Everyone deserves to be clean,

and the truth is, you can be.

00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:06,345

You might not be the Marshes,

00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:09,682

but you can afford

a Japanese toilet.

00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:12,518

Just not a really nice one

like what we have.

00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:14,144

If you take into account

the money

00:14:14,144 --> 00:14:17,439

we all spend on toilet paper,

doctors, and hemorrhoid cream,

00:14:17,439 --> 00:14:21,819

a Japanese toilet pays

for itself in just a few years.

00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:25,364

There are actually Japanese

toilets made for commoners.

00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:27,908

Walmart and Amazon

all carry the lower

00:14:27,908 --> 00:14:31,453

cost of shitty Japanese toilets

that anyone can afford.

00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:33,289

There's even these like

attachment thingies

00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:34,623

for your existing toilet

00:14:34,623 --> 00:14:37,167

which will make you feel

like a Marsh yourself.

00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:39,587

They may not be

Nihon No style-ru,

00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:42,256

but they are

good enough for you guys.

00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:47,845

The point is-- even commoners

don't need toilet paper anymore!

00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:50,472

And, so, I am suggesting that

this town puts all--

00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,894

Holy shit!

00:14:55,894 --> 00:14:57,813

Randy?! Wah!

00:15:04,820 --> 00:15:07,656

I'm sorry,

but he's in critical condition.

00:15:07,656 --> 00:15:09,450

Who shot him?

00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:11,285

Nobody knows.

00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:13,203

Is he gonna be okay?

00:15:13,203 --> 00:15:14,705

He's in a coma.

00:15:14,705 --> 00:15:18,250

He's unconscious

and just blabbering nonsense.

00:15:19,793 --> 00:15:24,548

Bikkuri... Bikkurishita...

Taiehn deshou...

00:15:24,548 --> 00:15:27,801

Mr. Marsh, your whole

family is here.

00:15:27,801 --> 00:15:30,721

Your wife, your daughter,

and your son.

00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:33,349

T-Toire Wa?

00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:35,601

No, your toilet

is back at the farm.

00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:38,771

Taihen ja naaaa....

00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:41,398

Dad, I'm sorry I yelled

at you before.

00:15:41,398 --> 00:15:44,234

I didn't know you were

really trying to help.

00:15:44,234 --> 00:15:47,821

Kon-nichi waaa...

00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:53,452

- Stan, where are you going?

- I let dad down once.

00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:55,621

Somebody has to pick up

where he left off.

00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:03,545

I promise

we're doing all we can.

00:16:03,545 --> 00:16:04,922

I'm sorry for what happened,

00:16:04,922 --> 00:16:06,882

but you need to leave it

to the professionals.

00:16:06,882 --> 00:16:08,884

There's something

more going on here.

00:16:08,884 --> 00:16:11,220

I think my dad was on

to something and I

00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:13,305

didn't listen to him,

and now he's in a hospital.

00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:14,723

We've already got a few leads

00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:16,475

and we're following up

on all of them.

00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:19,603

I assure you we take this

all very seriously.

00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:21,522

This isn't a joke to us.

00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:23,524

- Chief, hey, Chief!

- Yeah?

00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:24,900

An angry proctologist

walked in

00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:26,860

to the toilet section

of Home Depot.

00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:28,737

Y-Yeah?

00:16:28,737 --> 00:16:30,656

Proctologist says

to the toilet manager,

00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:32,574

"I ain't taking the fall,"

and pulls a gun

00:16:32,574 --> 00:16:34,243

on six Japanese delivery men.

00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:35,869

Okay.

00:16:35,869 --> 00:16:37,663

So, then, the six Japanese

delivery men show up,

00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:39,540

and the proctologist

has everyone held hostage

00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:41,041

and says he's not

taking the fall

00:16:41,041 --> 00:16:43,335

for the Randy Marsh shooting.

00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:44,962

Oh, shit, this is

actually happening?!

00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:46,880

Come on people let's go!

00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,468

I ain't going down for this!

00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:55,013

You got that, coppers?!

I didn't shoot anybody!

00:16:55,013 --> 00:16:56,265

But if I'm going down,

00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:58,767

I'll take these careless

bastards out with me!

00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:00,561

Would you like some

sparkling water or cham--

00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:04,189

Come on out.

00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:07,151

There's no other way,

we have you surrounded.

00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:09,945

I didn't shoot

Randy Marsh!

00:17:09,945 --> 00:17:12,740

- Taihen!

- Nobody's saying you did!

00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:16,034

No, but they're gonna

use me as their scapegoat!

00:17:16,034 --> 00:17:18,203

They'll fix things

like they always do!

00:17:18,203 --> 00:17:20,330

- Who will?

- They'll use their lawyers

00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:22,750

and their power

to make it all go away!

00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,960

Just like they did back

when that 2nd grade kid

00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:26,920

wrote a story in the school

paper about toilets

00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:28,213

two years ago!

00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:29,798

They'll take me out, too!

00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:31,300

There's no stopping them!

00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,926

Don't do it!

00:17:34,678 --> 00:17:36,638

Sabishiiiii!

00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:38,348

Aww! Alright move in!

00:17:38,348 --> 00:17:40,267

Secure the area.

00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:43,520

2nd grade kid

two years ago...

00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:45,981

Wrote about toilets

in the school news paper.

00:17:49,818 --> 00:17:53,655

You weren't warning me

about people getting upset.

00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:55,365

You know more about this.

00:17:57,785 --> 00:17:59,453

Hey!

00:17:59,453 --> 00:18:01,163

You wrote a story

in the school paper

00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:02,581

and someone came after you!

00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:04,792

Yeah I wrote a story,

big deal!

00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:07,086

Jimmy, I want to know

who shot my dad!

00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,087

They took everything

from me, Stan.

00:18:09,087 --> 00:18:11,840

My bike... my cat...

00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,425

They were gonna

sue my parents

00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:15,385

for what I wrote

in the school paper.

00:18:15,385 --> 00:18:18,972

You're talking about

the toilet paper companies.

00:18:18,972 --> 00:18:21,850

Who has the most to lose?

It's all toilet paper, Stan!

00:18:21,850 --> 00:18:25,604

Follow the money!

140 rolls per American per year.

00:18:25,604 --> 00:18:27,439

Factories pushing out

roll after roll

00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:29,191

while razing

Earth's resources.

00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:31,026

All of this for

an unsanitary product

00:18:31,026 --> 00:18:33,320

that has been proven

to contribute to anal fissures.

00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:35,030

Don't you get it, man?

00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:38,534

Paper doesn't clean bacteria.

It can't stop viruses.

00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:40,035

With all that information,

00:18:40,035 --> 00:18:41,495

you'd think

the world health organization

00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:43,622

would do studies

to find alternatives.

00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:45,207

So why don't they?

00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:47,334

Because toilet paper

is an industry worth

00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:50,671

billions and b-billions

of dollars.

00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:54,925

Kimberly-Clark, Georgia-Pacific,

Procter & Gamble.

00:18:54,925 --> 00:18:57,511

They don't want Japanese

toilets in America

00:18:57,511 --> 00:18:59,847

and they have the power

to stop them,

00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:03,058

and to stop you.

00:19:03,058 --> 00:19:05,269

I can't believe

they shot my dad...

00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:07,813

because he wanted

to change things.

00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:11,441

These people have deeper pockets

than you can possibly imagine.

00:19:11,441 --> 00:19:14,778

They can destroy

everything you love, Stan.

00:19:14,778 --> 00:19:16,363

Take my advice...

00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:20,450

Don't. Squeeze.

The Charmin.

00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:24,288

You might be too scared Jimmy,

but I'm a Marsh.

00:19:28,792 --> 00:19:30,502

My fellow Americans...

00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:32,462

we have been coerced

and brain washed.

00:19:32,462 --> 00:19:34,006

While the rest of the world

walks around

00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:36,425

with cleaner buttholes,

we are obsessed with dry paper

00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:39,344

sold to us by billion-dollar

corporations.

00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:42,598

- Yeah.

- Hey, yeah, he's right!

00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:44,933

My father wanted everyone to see

that there were alternatives.

00:19:44,933 --> 00:19:46,977

But they don't want him talking

about alternatives!

00:19:46,977 --> 00:19:48,604

Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yea!

00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:51,648

And we can't be blindly

buying their products anymore.

00:19:51,648 --> 00:19:54,151

And as a town,

we will find alternatives,

00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:55,444

and we will not

be afraid to--

00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:57,905

Stop! Stop!

We're not doing this!

00:19:57,905 --> 00:20:00,282

Dad!

Everyone just stop,

we're not doing this.

00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:02,492

Thank you. South Park, uh,

we-we're cutting this short.

00:20:02,492 --> 00:20:04,786

I was totally wrong

and I want to apologize.

00:20:04,786 --> 00:20:06,496

No, dad, it's the toilet

paper companies

00:20:06,496 --> 00:20:08,123

that are behind all the--

00:20:08,123 --> 00:20:10,334

Yeah, so, uh, w-we have

nothing against toilet paper.

00:20:10,334 --> 00:20:11,919

It's a great product

and, uh,

00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:13,545

it was childish of me

to make fun of it.

00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:15,172

Thanks, though.

We'll see ya later.

00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:16,632

Dad,

we can't just back down.

00:20:16,632 --> 00:20:19,009

Bro!

I got fucking shot!

00:20:20,802 --> 00:20:22,596

Japanese toilets are

totally unnecessary,

00:20:22,596 --> 00:20:24,306

and, uh, in case anyone

else is listening,

00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:27,476

I think all of South Park

would like to apologize.

00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:30,020

We retract what we said about

toilet paper companies.

00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:33,482

They-- They have done nothing

but help us, and we are sorry.

00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:36,818

South Park-- everyone--

say you're sorry.

00:20:36,818 --> 00:20:39,154

We're sorry.

00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:41,323

Okay, great.

Come on, guys, let's go home.

00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:43,492

What about helping people

and leading by example?

00:20:43,492 --> 00:20:45,661

We're not the Goddamn

Kennedys, Stan.

00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:47,287

Stop being an idiot.

00:21:12,312 --> 00:21:16,024

Nice to have you back,

Ol' Blue.

00:21:16,024 --> 00:21:18,777

You know, guys,

I'm actually not that sad.

00:21:18,777 --> 00:21:21,363

Having a Japanese toilet

was great, but...

00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:23,198

I've come to realize that,

00:21:23,198 --> 00:21:25,784

when you have some big,

nice luxury thing,

00:21:25,784 --> 00:21:27,703

it eventually

just becomes normal.

00:21:27,703 --> 00:21:29,746

But you start comparing it to

all the other things

00:21:29,746 --> 00:21:33,083

in your life which suddenly feel

you have to upgrade, too.

00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:35,544

So, it's really best to just

00:21:35,544 --> 00:21:38,880

stick with the beat-up,

crappy old things we have.

00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:40,632

Love you forever, Honey.

00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:12,053

♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,

gonna have myself a time ♪

00:00:12,053 --> 00:00:13,888

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:13,888 --> 00:00:15,640

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:18,727

♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:20,270

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:22,105

♪ People spouting,

"howdy, neighbor!" ♪

00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:25,275

♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:28,778

♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm!

Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪

00:00:28,778 --> 00:00:32,741

♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:40,123

[ Video game beeping ]

00:00:40,123 --> 00:00:41,374

See, Stan?

You gotta choose

00:00:41,374 --> 00:00:43,251

if you wanna be

in Gryffindor or Slytherin.

00:00:43,251 --> 00:00:45,211

Yeah, can I do it?

00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:47,297

Yeah, see, you gotta fight

these fairy guys.

00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:48,465

Randy.

00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:49,883

[ Beeping continues ]

00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,134

Randy!

00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:52,635

The powder room

toilet is broken.

00:00:52,635 --> 00:00:54,053

Again!

00:00:54,053 --> 00:00:55,513

Did you jiggle

the handle?

00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:56,973

Yes, I jiggled the handle.

00:00:56,973 --> 00:00:58,767

Will you come

fix this, please?

00:00:58,767 --> 00:01:01,144

Okay, okay.

00:01:01,144 --> 00:01:02,479

[ Beeping continues ]

00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:08,526

Huh, well, let's see.

00:01:08,526 --> 00:01:12,238

It's gotta be the little

black floaty thingie.

00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:13,490

What'd you do to it?

00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:15,158

I didn't do anything.

00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:16,451

Lemme see if there's

water in the bowl.

00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:18,495

No!

Don't lift the lid.

00:01:18,495 --> 00:01:20,205

Why can't I

lift the lid?

00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:23,208

Don't, Randy!

Uh-huh.

00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:25,168

Hey, guys!

Your mom took a shit

00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:26,711

and doesn't want me

to see it.

00:01:26,711 --> 00:01:28,671

Ew!

Gross, Dad!

00:01:28,671 --> 00:01:31,382

Randy!

We need to get a new toilet.

00:01:31,382 --> 00:01:33,927

We can't just get rid

of ol' blue, Sharon.

00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,470

This is embarrassing.

00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:38,431

It's the powder room toilet,

the one guests use.

00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:40,016

You get a new toilet, Randy,

00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:43,019

or I'm not helping you

sell weed anymore!

00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:45,396

Alright, alright.

Sharon, you win.

00:01:45,396 --> 00:01:46,564

As usual.

00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:49,818

Poor ol' Blue.

00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:54,864

[ Indistinct conversations ]

00:01:58,034 --> 00:01:59,786

Can I help you

with anything?

00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:02,580

Oh, yeah, just lookin' for a new

toilet to replace Ol' Blue.

00:02:02,580 --> 00:02:04,707

Alright, well, all our toilets

here are standard bowl,

00:02:04,707 --> 00:02:05,875

come with full warranty.

00:02:05,875 --> 00:02:07,168

How much

you looking to spend?

00:02:07,168 --> 00:02:08,503

Well I'm not poor.

00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:10,547

I happen to have

my own weed business.

00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:12,882

So that's pretty much

the nicest one you have, right?

00:02:12,882 --> 00:02:14,467

Yeah, that's probably

the top model, you know,

00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:18,012

before you start getting

into the Japanese toilets.

00:02:18,012 --> 00:02:19,347

Japanese toilets?

00:02:19,347 --> 00:02:21,057

Yeah, they're the sort of

the super-high-class

00:02:21,057 --> 00:02:22,684

luxury models with all

the bells and whistles.

00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:25,395

But you probably don't wanna

spend that kind of money.

00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:27,105

I'm not poor.

00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:29,858

Oh, well,

we can show them to you.

00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:32,068

The Japanese toilets

are right over there.

00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:39,075

Hi, Rick.

This gentleman

00:02:39,075 --> 00:02:40,869

would like to see

the Japanese toilets.

00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:43,079

Well, of course, sir.

My name is Rick.

00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:45,081

Let me know if there's

anything you need.

00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:49,460

These toilets are all equipped

with the highest-end features,

00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:51,254

including an automatic

bidet system,

00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:53,756

bluetooth capability,

and seat warmers.

00:02:53,756 --> 00:02:56,050

Seat warmers?

00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:57,760

And the toilet senses

when you've come into the room,

00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,971

turns on a small light,

plays welcome music,

00:02:59,971 --> 00:03:01,639

and raises the lid

for you.

00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:04,350

Can I offer you come

sparkling water or champagne?

00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:06,603

Oh, sure,

I'll take some champagne.

00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:08,563

All the toilet's functions

are operated

00:03:08,563 --> 00:03:10,565

by a touch-button remote

which you mount

00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:12,775

where the toilet-paper roll

used to go.

00:03:12,775 --> 00:03:14,861

So then where do you keep

the toilet paper?

00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:18,197

With a Japanese toilet,

you don't need toilet paper.

00:03:18,197 --> 00:03:20,700

The toilet washes you

completely clean.

00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:24,203

You're mad.

00:03:24,203 --> 00:03:25,997

No, it's true.

00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:27,749

It has warm water

and a dryer

00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:30,585

and cleans you eight times

better than toilet paper can.

00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:34,964

Would you like to take one

for a test drive?

00:03:34,964 --> 00:03:36,174

Oh, uh, sure.

00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:38,217

I did have kind of

a big breakfast.

00:03:38,217 --> 00:03:39,802

Right over here.

00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:48,770

[ New Age music plays ]

00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:55,443

{\an8}♪

00:03:55,443 --> 00:03:56,945

{\an8} Oh, yeah ♪

00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:59,113

{\an8}♪

00:03:59,113 --> 00:04:01,366

I, I, I ♪

00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:02,992

Oh.

00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:05,578

Oh, yeah ♪

00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:07,205

[ Water running ]

00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:09,499

Ooh.

Oh, oh! Oh.

00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:10,917

Ahhh!

00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:13,044

Oh, oh!

[ Chuckles ]

00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:16,172

[ Farts ]

00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:18,466

[ Farts ]

00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:20,343

[ Button beeps,

water running ]

00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:22,470

Ohh! Oh.

00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:25,765

[ Button beeps,

toilet flushes ]

00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:30,979

Okay, how much?

00:04:30,979 --> 00:04:34,399

Guys, I wanted to talk to you

because I want you all

00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:36,859

to think about how

we're viewed as a family.

00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:41,197

You know, as a prominent

weed dealer, we are successful,

00:04:41,197 --> 00:04:43,825

and we're sort of looked up to

in this town

00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:47,829

because we have nice things

that most families can't afford.

00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:49,914

I mean, Stan, you're playing

"Hogwarts Legacy"

00:04:49,914 --> 00:04:51,541

on PS5, right?

00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:53,626

You're playing

"Hogwarts Legacy" on a PS5.

00:04:53,626 --> 00:04:56,087

Yeah, my-- my point is

that most people in town

00:04:56,087 --> 00:04:57,672

don't even have a PS5.

00:04:57,672 --> 00:04:59,215

They still have PS4s,

00:04:59,215 --> 00:05:02,635

and so we're basically

the Kennedys of South Park.

00:05:03,928 --> 00:05:07,056

And the plain fact is

that well-off families

00:05:07,056 --> 00:05:08,474

have nice things,

00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:10,560

and we shouldn't be

ashamed of that.

00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,812

[ Doorbell rings ]

00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:18,276

Hajimemashite.

Japanese Torei des!

00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:20,403

Uh, yes, thank you.

Bring it on in.

00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:23,489

Delivery men:

Kyo fun yori! Kro fun yori!

00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:28,494

Kyo fun yori!

Kro fun yori! Kro fun yori!

00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:31,289

That's the new toilet?

How much did it cost?

00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:33,958

Oh, Sharon. Tennish.

00:05:33,958 --> 00:05:36,502

What's tennish?

00:05:36,502 --> 00:05:38,713

Thousandish.

Ten thousandish.

00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:41,924

You spent $10,000

on a toilet?!

00:05:41,924 --> 00:05:44,177

We don't have

that kind of money, Randy!

00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:45,470

Yeah, we do.

00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,388

Shitsurei Shimasu!

Owarimashita.

00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:49,265

Okay, yeah, right here?

Okay.

00:05:49,265 --> 00:05:51,851

[ Boots clomping ]

00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:54,771

Doomo!

Aringanto gozaimashita!

00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:56,606

Together:

Aringato gozaimashita!

00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:58,066

K, thanks.

00:06:03,362 --> 00:06:05,782

You are taking that back

to the store.

00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:07,116

Try it, Sharon.

00:06:07,116 --> 00:06:08,576

I don't need to, Randy.

I want--

00:06:08,576 --> 00:06:10,203

Try it, Sharon!

00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,789

[ New Age music plays ]

00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:17,668

{\an8}♪

00:06:17,668 --> 00:06:19,212

[ Button beeps ]

00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:21,297

Oh, yeah ♪

00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:23,132

Oh. Oh.

00:06:23,132 --> 00:06:24,509

I, I, I ♪

00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:26,886

Oh! Ohh!

00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,387

Ah-ha-ha!

00:06:28,387 --> 00:06:29,430

I wanna try it.

00:06:29,430 --> 00:06:30,640

Shhh!

00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,016

Ah-ho-ho!

00:06:32,016 --> 00:06:34,310

Ohh!

00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:36,312

[ Bell rings ]

00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:41,275

Oh, look,

there he goes.

00:06:41,275 --> 00:06:42,985

It's Mr. Big Shot.

00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:46,572

Hey, Richie Rich.

You eating caviar

00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:48,199

for lunch today,

Richie Rich?

00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:55,164

Stan, just so you know,

nobody gives a shit.

00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:58,417

About what?

00:06:58,417 --> 00:06:59,752

Come on, guys!

00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:04,966

Did you know some people

can't even afford to eat?

00:07:04,966 --> 00:07:07,885

How about caring for something

that matters, you bitch?

00:07:09,345 --> 00:07:10,763

What the fuck?

00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:13,474

Hey, Stan, you really

have to be careful.

00:07:13,474 --> 00:07:15,059

Of what?

00:07:15,059 --> 00:07:17,103

Look, it's great that you come

from a wealthy family,

00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:19,230

but people don't like getting

their noses rubbed in it.

00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:21,941

Dude, I haven't

even said anything!

00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:23,818

Well, your dad called

everyone last night

00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:26,070

and told them you have

a $10,000 toilet.

00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:27,321

What?!

00:07:28,906 --> 00:07:31,492

Well, thanks for having us

over for brunch, Randy.

00:07:31,492 --> 00:07:33,953

Yeah, what's

the special occasion?

00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:37,165

Oh, you know, just good times

with dear friends.

00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:39,417

Does anyone need

to go to the bathroom?

00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:41,043

Uh, no, I'm--

I'm good.

00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:42,962

Oh, maybe some

more coffee, then.

00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:45,339

Can you guys believe

all the snow we've gotten?

00:07:45,339 --> 00:07:47,466

Yeah, maybe it will actually

help with the drought.

00:07:47,466 --> 00:07:48,551

Let's hope so.

00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:52,054

Does anyone need

a bathroom break?

00:07:52,054 --> 00:07:54,390

Well, actually, I-I think

I could use the restroom.

00:07:54,390 --> 00:07:55,892

That was kind of

a big breakfast.

00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:57,727

Oh! Oh, yeah, sure!

It's, uh--

00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:58,728

It's right across

the hallway.

00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:00,938

Right there.

00:08:05,818 --> 00:08:06,861

[ New Age music plays ]

00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:08,696

Butters' Dad:

Oh.

00:08:08,696 --> 00:08:10,364

What was that?

00:08:10,364 --> 00:08:12,909

Oh, that's the welcome music

for my Japanese toilet.

00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:15,286

I've heard of those.

Aren't they expensive?

00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:16,746

Yeah, a bit.

00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:18,664

But for those of us

who can afford it,

00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:20,166

it's well worth it.

00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:22,084

Oh! Ohhh!

00:08:22,084 --> 00:08:24,295

Ohhhh!

00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:26,005

He's now turned on

the rear jet,

00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:28,257

which cleans your bottom

with warm water.

00:08:28,257 --> 00:08:29,634

Oh. Ohhh!

00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:31,928

Ah!

That's the front washer

00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:34,430

that washes your balls,

or vagina.

00:08:34,430 --> 00:08:36,849

[ Farts ]

00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:39,393

If you think about it,

a dry piece of toilet paper

00:08:39,393 --> 00:08:42,021

can't clean you half as well

as pressurized water.

00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:43,689

I feel bad that most people

have to walk around

00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:45,399

with fecal matter

on their anus,

00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:46,859

but I'm just lucky

00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:48,819

I've sold enough weed

to be able not to.

00:08:48,819 --> 00:08:51,489

But was it really luck?

Or was it hard work?

00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:53,074

Heck, I don't know,

but you know--

00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:54,700

Dad, can I

talk to you?!

00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,702

Stan? You're back

from school already?

00:08:56,702 --> 00:08:59,372

I need to talk to you

right now!

00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:00,581

The fuck are you doing?!

00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:02,041

Fuck are you doing?

00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:04,126

You need to stop

gloating to everybody!

00:09:04,126 --> 00:09:05,795

I am not gloating.

00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:06,963

Yes, you are,

and now kids at school

00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:09,215

are calling me

Richie Rich!

00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,758

They are?

00:09:10,758 --> 00:09:12,260

Nobody cares about

your stupid toilet

00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:14,053

and you're acting

like a jerk.

00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:18,099

I'm acting like a jerk because

I'm trying to help people?!

00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:20,059

How are you trying

to help people, Dad?

00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:23,479

Because the people don't know

that these toilets are awesome,

00:09:23,479 --> 00:09:25,690

and I'm just, like,

the well-respected guy

00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:28,484

who's trying to open

people's eyes like JFK.

00:09:28,484 --> 00:09:31,570

You are not like JFK!

00:09:31,570 --> 00:09:33,030

You're just showing off!

00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:36,867

Nu-uh, I'm like JFK 'cause

I am trying to change things!

00:09:36,867 --> 00:09:39,328

You're part of a very

respected family, Stan.

00:09:39,328 --> 00:09:41,539

You should start

acting like it.

00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:43,541

Okay, who's next?

00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,337

[ New Age music plays ]

00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:49,672

{\an8}♪

00:09:49,672 --> 00:09:53,718

{\an8} Oh, yeah ♪

00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:55,177

{\an8} I, I, I ♪

00:09:55,177 --> 00:09:57,888

{\an8}♪

00:09:57,888 --> 00:10:02,768

Atashi wa Heia des-u ♪

00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:06,355

Randy singing along:

Toire ni iru kara ♪

00:10:06,355 --> 00:10:07,273

Randy?

00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:08,774

♪ Kimochi i i ♪

00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:10,609

Randy!

What?!

00:10:10,609 --> 00:10:14,155

Your proctologist

is here to see you.

00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:16,032

My proctologist?

00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:17,408

Atashi ♪

00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:19,952

Oh, hey there, Doc.

00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:22,246

Well, Randy Marsh,

how are ya?

00:10:22,246 --> 00:10:24,123

I'm doing great.

How are you?

00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:26,167

Wonderful!

Just been super busy.

00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:29,170

I'm actually takin' the wife

to Tuscany day after tomorrow.

00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:31,047

Tuscany?

Wow. Awesome.

00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:33,299

Yeah, well, Randy

you haven't been in my office

00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:35,009

for a few days,

so I thought I'd come

00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:37,345

do a house call to help you

with your hemorrhoids.

00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:39,347

Oh! No, Doctor.

00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:41,682

I haven't needed

to come to your office.

00:10:41,682 --> 00:10:44,268

In fact, I don't think I'll be

needing your services anymore

00:10:44,268 --> 00:10:46,854

since I've gotten

a Japanese toilet.

00:10:46,854 --> 00:10:48,230

Oh-- Oh, really?

00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:50,232

It's completely

changed my life.

00:10:50,232 --> 00:10:52,234

I'm healthier,

I'm less stressed,

00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:55,071

and I don't get hemorrhoids

'cause I'm not smearing shit

00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:56,906

all over my ass

with toilet paper.

00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:58,407

Huh.

00:10:58,407 --> 00:10:59,700

Here, here.

You wanna come see it?!

00:11:00,659 --> 00:11:02,328

Go on, check it out.

00:11:08,042 --> 00:11:10,002

[ Beep, chime ]

00:11:10,002 --> 00:11:12,755

[ Whirring ]

00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:15,424

[ Doctor shouting,

banging on toilet ]

00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:17,385

D-Dr. Sheltair?

00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:19,387

[ Shouting and banging

continues ]

00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:21,722

Dr. Sheltair?!

00:11:21,722 --> 00:11:23,766

You stupid!

00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:26,352

You ruined Tuscany!

Gah!

00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:27,978

Stop it!

I hate you!

00:11:27,978 --> 00:11:30,314

I hate you! I hate you!

00:11:30,314 --> 00:11:32,483

Go on!

Get out of here!

00:11:32,483 --> 00:11:33,943

How am I supposed to tell

my wife

00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:36,654

we can't afford

to go to Tuscany now?!

00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:39,990

I never realized you made

so much money off my ass.

00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:42,034

Go on. Get.

00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:43,661

Get!

00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:49,125

[ Bell rings ]

00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:50,876

[ Murmuring ]

00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:55,047

Hey, Stan!

Stan hold up!

00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:56,715

What?

00:11:56,715 --> 00:11:58,843

Well, um, you're just

a really good friend, Stan,

00:11:58,843 --> 00:12:00,970

and-- and I was gonna

ask if maybe

00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:02,680

I could borrow

your plungercost?

00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:05,141

What's a plungercost?

00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:07,893

when your toilet's nice

as yours, Richie Rich!

00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:09,645

[ Laughter ]

00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:12,314

I did it!

I called Stan Richie Rich, too!

00:12:12,314 --> 00:12:14,900

That was fun!

00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:20,364

Stan, you've got to stop

bragging about your toilet.

00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:22,199

I'm not bragging

about my toilet!

00:12:22,199 --> 00:12:24,160

And why is it

such a big deal anyway?

00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:27,997

It's a big deal, Stan.

You just don't understand why.

00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:34,420

Have you ever asked yourself

why we use toilet paper?

00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:37,756

We're told to wash our hands...

wear masks in crowds...

00:12:37,756 --> 00:12:39,800

but for some reason,

when it comes to wiping our ass,

00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:42,803

we're told to do it

with this little piece of paper.

00:12:42,803 --> 00:12:45,347

We are all-- all of us--

walking around right now

00:12:45,347 --> 00:12:48,225

with a little bit of shit

smeared on our buttholes.

00:12:48,225 --> 00:12:50,102

Did you know that 70%

of people in the world

00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:53,022

don't even use it at all?

00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:54,982

70% of the world

doesn't use toilet paper?

00:12:54,982 --> 00:12:56,942

Look it up.

00:12:56,942 --> 00:12:59,570

Most people in the world still

use good ol' soap and water.

00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:02,448

The average American

uses 140 rolls

00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:04,366

of toilet paper per year.

00:13:04,366 --> 00:13:06,952

Can you even begin to imagine

how many trees that is?

00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:08,787

To supply the United States

its toilet paper,

00:13:08,787 --> 00:13:13,626

it takes 31.1 million

trees per year.

00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,461

A million acres per year

of precious

00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:16,837

Canadian Boreal

forest alone,

00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:19,632

releasing upwards

of 25 metric tons of CO2

00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:22,009

and leveling 90%

of the land barren.

00:13:22,009 --> 00:13:24,637

So, then, why do Americans

use it so much?

00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,597

Well, that's the big question,

isn't it?

00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:29,266

None of it makes any sense.

00:13:29,266 --> 00:13:31,393

Just tell your dad to stop.

00:13:31,393 --> 00:13:33,145

Americans don't want

to change their toilets

00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:35,606

and they never will.

00:13:35,606 --> 00:13:38,651

Ladies and gentlemen, we have

a public service announcement.

00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:41,529

One of our citizens

has asked to speak with you.

00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:44,448

Please welcome

Mr. Randy S. Marsh.

00:13:44,448 --> 00:13:48,827

{\an8}♪

00:13:48,827 --> 00:13:51,789

Thank you, Mayor.

Thank you, everyone.

00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:54,208

You know, the Marshes are

a family that try to always

00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:55,918

lead by example.

00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:59,797

And we know that

all of you appreciate that.

00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:04,677

Everyone deserves to be clean,

and the truth is, you can be.

00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:06,345

You might not be the Marshes,

00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:09,682

but you can afford

a Japanese toilet.

00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:12,518

Just not a really nice one

like what we have.

00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:14,144

If you take into account

the money

00:14:14,144 --> 00:14:17,439

we all spend on toilet paper,

doctors, and hemorrhoid cream,

00:14:17,439 --> 00:14:21,819

a Japanese toilet pays

for itself in just a few years.

00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:25,364

There are actually Japanese

toilets made for commoners.

00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:27,908

Walmart and Amazon

all carry the lower

00:14:27,908 --> 00:14:31,453

cost of shitty Japanese toilets

that anyone can afford.

00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:33,289

There's even these like

attachment thingies

00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:34,623

for your existing toilet

00:14:34,623 --> 00:14:37,167

which will make you feel

like a Marsh yourself.

00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:39,587

They may not be

Nihon No style-ru,

00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:42,256

but they are

good enough for you guys.

00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:47,845

The point is-- even commoners

don't need toilet paper anymore!

00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:50,472

And, so, I am suggesting that

this town puts all--

00:14:50,472 --> 00:14:52,600

[ Gunshot ]

00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,894

Man: Holy shit!

00:14:55,894 --> 00:14:57,813

Randy?! Wah!

00:14:57,813 --> 00:15:00,941

[ Screaming ]

00:15:04,820 --> 00:15:07,656

I'm sorry,

but he's in critical condition.

00:15:07,656 --> 00:15:09,450

Who shot him?

00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:11,285

Nobody knows.

00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:13,203

Is he gonna be okay?

00:15:13,203 --> 00:15:14,705

He's in a coma.

00:15:14,705 --> 00:15:18,250

He's unconscious

and just blabbering nonsense.

00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:19,793

[ Monitor beeping ]

00:15:19,793 --> 00:15:24,548

Bikkuri... Bikkurishita...

Taiehn deshou...

00:15:24,548 --> 00:15:27,801

Mr. Marsh, your whole

family is here.

00:15:27,801 --> 00:15:30,721

Your wife, your daughter,

and your son.

00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:33,349

T-Toire Wa?

00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:35,601

No, your toilet

is back at the farm.

00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:38,771

Taihen ja naaaa....

00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:41,398

Dad, I'm sorry I yelled

at you before.

00:15:41,398 --> 00:15:44,234

I didn't know you were

really trying to help.

00:15:44,234 --> 00:15:47,821

Kon-nichi waaa...

00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:53,452

- Stan, where are you going?

- I let dad down once.

00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:55,621

Somebody has to pick up

where he left off.

00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:03,545

Harris: I promise

we're doing all we can.

00:16:03,545 --> 00:16:04,922

I'm sorry for what happened,

00:16:04,922 --> 00:16:06,882

but you need to leave it

to the professionals.

00:16:06,882 --> 00:16:08,884

There's something

more going on here.

00:16:08,884 --> 00:16:11,220

I think my dad was on

to something and I

00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:13,305

didn't listen to him,

and now he's in a hospital.

00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:14,723

We've already got a few leads

00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:16,475

and we're following up

on all of them.

00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:19,603

I assure you we take this

all very seriously.

00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:21,522

This isn't a joke to us.

00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:23,524

- Chief, hey, Chief!

- Yeah?

00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:24,900

An angry proctologist

walked in

00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:26,860

to the toilet section

of Home Depot.

00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:28,737

[ Chuckles ] Y-Yeah?

00:16:28,737 --> 00:16:30,656

Proctologist says

to the toilet manager,

00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:32,574

"I ain't taking the fall,"

and pulls a gun

00:16:32,574 --> 00:16:34,243

on six Japanese delivery men.

00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:35,869

[ Chuckling ] Okay.

00:16:35,869 --> 00:16:37,663

So, then, the six Japanese

delivery men show up,

00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:39,540

and the proctologist

has everyone held hostage

00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:41,041

and says he's not

taking the fall

00:16:41,041 --> 00:16:43,335

for the Randy Marsh shooting.

00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:44,962

Oh, shit, this is

actually happening?!

00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:46,880

Come on people let's go!

00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,675

[ Radio chatter, siren chirps ]

00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,468

I ain't going down for this!

00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:55,013

You got that, coppers?!

I didn't shoot anybody!

00:16:55,013 --> 00:16:56,265

But if I'm going down,

00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:58,767

I'll take these careless

bastards out with me!

00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:00,561

Would you like some

sparkling water or cham--

00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:02,688

[ Gasps ]

00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:04,189

Come on out.

00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:07,151

There's no other way,

we have you surrounded.

00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:09,945

I didn't shoot

Randy Marsh!

00:17:09,945 --> 00:17:12,740

- Taihen!

- Nobody's saying you did!

00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:16,034

No, but they're gonna

use me as their scapegoat!

00:17:16,034 --> 00:17:18,203

They'll fix things

like they always do!

00:17:18,203 --> 00:17:20,330

- Who will?

- They'll use their lawyers

00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:22,750

and their power

to make it all go away!

00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,960

Just like they did back

when that 2nd grade kid

00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:26,920

wrote a story in the school

paper about toilets

00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:28,213

two years ago!

00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:29,798

They'll take me out, too!

00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:31,300

[ Cocks gun ]

There's no stopping them!

00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,926

Don't do it!

00:17:32,926 --> 00:17:34,678

[ Gunshot ]

00:17:34,678 --> 00:17:36,638

Sabishiiiii!

00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:38,348

Aww! Alright move in!

00:17:38,348 --> 00:17:40,267

Secure the area.

00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:43,520

2nd grade kid

two years ago...

00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:45,981

Wrote about toilets

in the school news paper.

00:17:49,818 --> 00:17:53,655

You weren't warning me

about people getting upset.

00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:55,365

You know more about this.

00:17:57,785 --> 00:17:59,453

Hey!

00:17:59,453 --> 00:18:01,163

You wrote a story

in the school paper

00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:02,581

and someone came after you!

00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:04,792

Yeah I wrote a story,

big deal!

00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:07,086

Jimmy, I want to know

who shot my dad!

00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,087

They took everything

from me, Stan.

00:18:09,087 --> 00:18:11,840

My bike... my cat...

00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,425

They were gonna

sue my parents

00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:15,385

for what I wrote

in the school paper.

00:18:15,385 --> 00:18:18,972

You're talking about

the toilet paper companies.

00:18:18,972 --> 00:18:21,850

Who has the most to lose?

It's all toilet paper, Stan!

00:18:21,850 --> 00:18:25,604

Follow the money!

140 rolls per American per year.

00:18:25,604 --> 00:18:27,439

Factories pushing out

roll after roll

00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:29,191

while razing

Earth's resources.

00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:31,026

All of this for

an unsanitary product

00:18:31,026 --> 00:18:33,320

that has been proven

to contribute to anal fissures.

00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:35,030

Don't you get it, man?

00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:38,534

Paper doesn't clean bacteria.

It can't stop viruses.

00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:40,035

With all that information,

00:18:40,035 --> 00:18:41,495

you'd think

the world health organization

00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:43,622

would do studies

to find alternatives.

00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:45,207

So why don't they?

00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:47,334

Because toilet paper

is an industry worth

00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:50,671

billions and b-billions

of dollars.

00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:54,925

Kimberly-Clark, Georgia-Pacific,

Procter & Gamble.

00:18:54,925 --> 00:18:57,511

They don't want Japanese

toilets in America

00:18:57,511 --> 00:18:59,847

and they have the power

to stop them,

00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:03,058

and to stop you.

00:19:03,058 --> 00:19:05,269

I can't believe

they shot my dad...

00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:07,813

because he wanted

to change things.

00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:11,441

These people have deeper pockets

than you can possibly imagine.

00:19:11,441 --> 00:19:14,778

They can destroy

everything you love, Stan.

00:19:14,778 --> 00:19:16,363

Take my advice...

00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:20,450

Don't. Squeeze.

The Charmin.

00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:24,288

You might be too scared Jimmy,

but I'm a Marsh.

00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:28,792

{\an8}♪

00:19:28,792 --> 00:19:30,502

My fellow Americans...

00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:32,462

we have been coerced

and brain washed.

00:19:32,462 --> 00:19:34,006

While the rest of the world

walks around

00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:36,425

with cleaner buttholes,

we are obsessed with dry paper

00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:39,344

sold to us by billion-dollar

corporations.

00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:42,598

- Yeah.

- Hey, yeah, he's right!

00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:44,933

My father wanted everyone to see

that there were alternatives.

00:19:44,933 --> 00:19:46,977

But they don't want him talking

about alternatives!

00:19:46,977 --> 00:19:48,604

Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yea!

00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:51,648

And we can't be blindly

buying their products anymore.

00:19:51,648 --> 00:19:54,151

And as a town,

we will find alternatives,

00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:55,444

and we will not

be afraid to--

00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:57,905

Stop! Stop!

We're not doing this!

00:19:57,905 --> 00:20:00,282

Dad!

Everyone just stop,

we're not doing this.

00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:02,492

Thank you. South Park, uh,

we-we're cutting this short.

00:20:02,492 --> 00:20:04,786

I was totally wrong

and I want to apologize.

00:20:04,786 --> 00:20:06,496

No, dad, it's the toilet

paper companies

00:20:06,496 --> 00:20:08,123

that are behind all the--

00:20:08,123 --> 00:20:10,334

Yeah, so, uh, w-we have

nothing against toilet paper.

00:20:10,334 --> 00:20:11,919

It's a great product

and, uh,

00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:13,545

it was childish of me

to make fun of it.

00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:15,172

Thanks, though.

We'll see ya later.

00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:16,632

Dad,

we can't just back down.

00:20:16,632 --> 00:20:19,009

Bro!

I got fucking shot!

00:20:20,802 --> 00:20:22,596

Japanese toilets are

totally unnecessary,

00:20:22,596 --> 00:20:24,306

and, uh, in case anyone

else is listening,

00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:27,476

I think all of South Park

would like to apologize.

00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:30,020

We retract what we said about

toilet paper companies.

00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:33,482

They-- They have done nothing

but help us, and we are sorry.

00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:36,818

South Park-- everyone--

say you're sorry.

00:20:36,818 --> 00:20:39,154

All: We're sorry.

00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:41,323

Okay, great.

Come on, guys, let's go home.

00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:43,492

What about helping people

and leading by example?

00:20:43,492 --> 00:20:45,661

We're not the Goddamn

Kennedys, Stan.

00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:47,287

Stop being an idiot.

00:20:47,287 --> 00:21:12,312

{\an8}♪

00:21:12,312 --> 00:21:16,024

Nice to have you back,

Ol' Blue.

00:21:16,024 --> 00:21:18,777

You know, guys,

I'm actually not that sad.

00:21:18,777 --> 00:21:21,363

Having a Japanese toilet

was great, but...

00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:23,198

I've come to realize that,

00:21:23,198 --> 00:21:25,784

when you have some big,

nice luxury thing,

00:21:25,784 --> 00:21:27,703

it eventually

just becomes normal.

00:21:27,703 --> 00:21:29,746

But you start comparing it to

all the other things

00:21:29,746 --> 00:21:33,083

in your life which suddenly feel

you have to upgrade, too.

00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:35,544

So, it's really best to just

00:21:35,544 --> 00:21:38,880

stick with the beat-up,

crappy old things we have.

00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:40,632

Love you forever, Honey.

00:21:40,632 --> 00:21:47,014

{\an8}♪

00:21:49,725 --> 00:22:18,837

{\an8}♪

00:00:03,526 --> 00:00:05,676

В ПРОГРАММЕ СОДЕРЖИТСЯ ГРЯЗНАЯ РУГАНЬ,

НЕ РЕКОМЕНДУЕТСЯ К ПРОСМОТРУ ВООБЩЕ НИКОМУ

00:00:08,806 --> 00:00:11,806

Соберу я свой рюкзак и поеду в Саус Парк.

00:00:11,806 --> 00:00:15,376

Дружелюбный здесь народ, благочестие цветёт.

00:00:15,376 --> 00:00:18,496

В Саус Парк ты приезжаешь и печали забываешь.

00:00:18,496 --> 00:00:22,166

Стоит только выйти в свет,

все кричат: «Привет, сосед!».

00:00:22,166 --> 00:00:25,336

В Саус Парке не печалься, отдыхай и расслабляйся.

00:00:28,616 --> 00:00:31,596

В Саус Парке ждут тебя мои верные друзья.

00:00:34,470 --> 00:00:37,107

ФЕРМЫ НАДЁЖНОСТИ

00:01:53,001 --> 00:01:55,401

ТОВАРЫ ДЛЯ ДОМА

00:01:55,426 --> 00:01:58,031

СКИДКА 5% НА КРЫШКИ ДЛЯ УНИТАЗОВ

00:02:33,891 --> 00:02:36,563

ЯПОНСКИЕ УНИТАЗЫ

00:04:30,432 --> 00:04:32,135

ФЕРМЫ НАДЁЖНОСТИ

00:05:15,316 --> 00:05:16,736

Прошу любить и жаловать.

00:05:20,460 --> 00:05:27,356

Раз, два, взяли! Раз, два, взяли!

Раз, два, взяли! Раз, два, взяли!

00:05:45,299 --> 00:05:47,478

Принимайте работу. Мы закончили.

00:05:53,015 --> 00:05:55,226

Спасибо. Сердечно благодарим!

00:05:55,226 --> 00:05:56,772

Спасибо вам огромное!

00:06:35,083 --> 00:06:36,896

НАЧАЛЬНАЯ ШКОЛА САУС ПАРКА

00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:47,469

ФЕРМЫ НАДЁЖНОСТИ

00:10:02,473 --> 00:10:05,356

(Поёт по-японски)

00:11:46,667 --> 00:11:48,964

НАЧАЛЬНАЯ ШКОЛА САУС ПАРКА

00:14:59,614 --> 00:15:00,325

МЭРИЯ

00:15:00,575 --> 00:15:02,996

БОЛЬНИЦА «ВРАТА АДА»

00:15:18,940 --> 00:15:22,260

Меня застали врасплох.

00:15:22,346 --> 00:15:24,541

Как же тяжело.

00:15:31,156 --> 00:15:33,156

Т-туалет...

00:15:36,017 --> 00:15:38,376

Как без него тяжело.

00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:47,496

Добрый день...

00:15:59,778 --> 00:16:01,957

ПОЛИЦЕЙСКИЙ УЧАСТОК

ОКРУГА ПАРК

00:16:47,317 --> 00:16:48,958

ТОВАРЫ ДЛЯ ДОМА

00:17:09,875 --> 00:17:10,789

Не стреляйте!

00:17:34,792 --> 00:17:36,792

Бедолага!

00:19:26,768 --> 00:19:28,958

МЭРИЯ

00:20:56,819 --> 00:20:58,999

ГОЛУБОЙ ДРУГ

00:00:02,635 --> 00:00:03,507

ГОЛОСИ ЗНАМЕНИТОСТЕЙ

СПАРОДІЙОВАНО... ЩЕ Й КЕПСЬКО. У СЕРІАЛІ

00:00:03,526 --> 00:00:04,973

Є ГРУБА ЛЕКСИКА І ВІН НЕ

РЕКОМЕНДУЄТЬСЯ ДЛЯ ПЕРЕГЛЯДУ НІКОМУ.

00:00:08,806 --> 00:00:11,649

Їду я у Саус Парк

Проведу тут гарно час

00:00:11,806 --> 00:00:15,313

Всюди дружні тут обличчя

І привітні повсякчас

00:00:15,376 --> 00:00:18,412

Пхаюсь я у Саус Парк

Щоб забути всі проблеми

00:00:18,496 --> 00:00:22,098

Паркінг є тут за потреби

Люди кличуть: «Гей, сусідо!»

00:00:22,166 --> 00:00:25,407

Пруся я у Саус Парк

Трохи випустити пар

00:00:28,616 --> 00:00:32,388

Приїжджайте й ви сюди

Будуть друзі всі мої

00:01:55,426 --> 00:01:57,425

САНТЕХНІКА

00:02:33,891 --> 00:02:35,893

ЯПОНСЬКІ УНІТАЗ

00:15:00,575 --> 00:15:12,966

ЛІКАРНЯ ПЕКЕЛЬНОЇ БРАМ

00:20:56,819 --> 00:21:09,148

ПОЛІЦЕЙСЬК