Японские туалеты — Рэнди Марш покупает японский туалет. Другие дети в школе начинают упрекать Стэна в том, что он слишком выпячивает то, что он из богатой семьи. Рэнди находит новый туалет очень удобным, в особенности потому, что теперь не нужно использовать туалетную бумагу. Он пропагандирует других жителей Южного Парка приобретать себя такие туалеты, пускай даже самые дешёвые. Однако Рэнди быстро остывает к этой затее, после того как получает ранение — компании-производители туалетной бумаги не позволят американцам так просто отказаться от их продукции.

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Японские туалеты

Japanese Toilet

Сезон: 26Серия: 03

Описание

Рэнди Марш покупает японский туалет. Другие дети в школе начинают упрекать Стэна в том, что он слишком выпячивает то, что он из богатой семьи. Рэнди находит новый туалет очень удобным, в особенности потому, что теперь не нужно использовать туалетную бумагу. Он пропагандирует других жителей Южного Парка приобретать себя такие туалеты, пускай даже самые дешёвые. Однако Рэнди быстро остывает к этой затее, после того как получает ранение — компании-производители туалетной бумаги не позволят американцам так просто отказаться от их продукции.

Субтитры

00:00:40,123 --> 00:00:41,625 Видишь, Стэн? Ты должен выбрать
00:00:41,625 --> 00:00:43,393 хочешь ли ты быть в Гриффиндоре или Слизерине.
00:00:43,393 --> 00:00:45,295 Ага, можно выберу?
00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:47,364 Да, видишь, ты должен сразиться с этими феями
00:00:47,364 --> 00:00:48,598 Рэнди
00:00:50,067 --> 00:00:51,368 Рэнди!
00:00:51,368 --> 00:00:52,903 Туалет в дамской комнате сломался
00:00:52,903 --> 00:00:54,104 Опять!
00:00:54,104 --> 00:00:55,639 Ты подергала ручку?
00:00:55,639 --> 00:00:57,074 Да, я подергала ручку.
00:00:57,074 --> 00:00:58,976 Можешь прийти починить, пожалуйста?
00:00:58,976 --> 00:01:01,111 Ладно, ладно
00:01:06,717 --> 00:01:08,752 Ну, посмотрим.
00:01:08,752 --> 00:01:12,422 Это наверное та черная плавающая штучка
00:01:12,422 --> 00:01:13,557 Что ты с ней сделала?
00:01:13,557 --> 00:01:15,225 Я ничего не делал.
00:01:15,225 --> 00:01:16,593 Посмотрим, есть ли вода в унитазе
00:01:16,593 --> 00:01:18,628 Нет! Не поднимай крышку.
00:01:18,628 --> 00:01:20,430 Почему я не могу поднять крышку?
00:01:20,430 --> 00:01:23,233 Не надо, Рэнди! Угу.
00:01:23,233 --> 00:01:25,335 Эй, ребята! Ваша мама насрала
00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:26,803 и не хочет, чтобы я это видел
00:01:26,803 --> 00:01:28,805 Фу! Гадость, пап!
00:01:28,805 --> 00:01:31,608 Рэнди! Нам надо купить новый унитаз.
00:01:31,608 --> 00:01:33,977 Мы не можем избавиться от Старины Блю, Шэрон
00:01:33,977 --> 00:01:35,512 Это позорно.
00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:38,615 Это туалет в дамской комнате, им пользуются гости.
00:01:38,615 --> 00:01:40,150 Ты купишь новый унитаз, Рэнди,
00:01:40,150 --> 00:01:43,086 или я больше не буду помогать тебе продавать траву!
00:01:43,086 --> 00:01:45,522 Ладно, ладно. Шэрон, ты победила.
00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:46,723 Как обычно.
00:01:48,592 --> 00:01:49,960 Бедный Старина Блю.
00:01:58,035 --> 00:01:59,803 Могу я вам чем-нибудь помочь?
00:01:59,803 --> 00:02:02,606 О, да, просто ищу новый унитаз на замену Старине Блю.
00:02:02,606 --> 00:02:04,775 Хорошо, здесь все наши обычные унитазы ,
00:02:04,775 --> 00:02:05,942 с полной гарантией.
00:02:05,942 --> 00:02:07,344 Сколько вы готовы потратить?
00:02:07,344 --> 00:02:08,712 Ну, я не бедный
00:02:08,712 --> 00:02:10,814 У меня свой бизнес по выращиванию травы.
00:02:10,814 --> 00:02:13,050 Значит, этот у вас самый крутой, да?
00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:14,718 Да, это, наверное, топовая модель,
00:02:14,718 --> 00:02:18,021 до того, как вы начнете разбираться с японскими туалетами.
00:02:18,021 --> 00:02:19,389 Японские туалеты?
00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:21,158 Да, это своего рода супер-высокий класс
00:02:21,158 --> 00:02:22,893 роскошные модели со всеми наворотами.
00:02:22,893 --> 00:02:25,462 Но вы, наверное, не захотите столько тратить
00:02:25,462 --> 00:02:27,197 Я не бедный
00:02:27,197 --> 00:02:30,000 Хорошо, можем вам их показать
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:32,169 Японские туалеты вон там
00:02:37,808 --> 00:02:39,142 Привет, Рик. Этот джентльмен
00:02:39,142 --> 00:02:41,011 хотел бы увидеть японские туалеты.
00:02:41,011 --> 00:02:43,180 Конечно, сэр. Меня зовут Рик.
00:02:43,180 --> 00:02:45,182 Дайте мне знать, если вам что-нибудь понадобится.
00:02:47,317 --> 00:02:49,653 Все эти туалеты оснащены самыми современными функциями,
00:02:49,653 --> 00:02:51,321 включая автоматическую систему биде,
00:02:51,321 --> 00:02:53,824 блютуз и подогрев сидений.
00:02:53,824 --> 00:02:56,159 Подогреватели сидений? Конечно.
00:02:56,159 --> 00:02:57,928 И унитаз чувствует, когда вы входите в комнату,
00:02:57,928 --> 00:03:00,063 включает подсветку, играет приветственную музыку,
00:03:00,063 --> 00:03:01,665 и поднимает для вас крышку.
00:03:01,665 --> 00:03:04,401 Могу я предложить вам газированную воду или шампанское?
00:03:04,401 --> 00:03:06,770 О, конечно, я возьму шампанское.
00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:08,572 Все функции туалета управляются
00:03:08,572 --> 00:03:10,774 с помощью пульта с сенсорными кнопками, который вы устанавливаете
00:03:10,774 --> 00:03:12,943 там, где раньше был рулон туалетной бумаги.
00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:15,011 А где же тогда хранить туалетную бумагу?
00:03:15,011 --> 00:03:18,281 В японском туалете вам не нужна туалетная бумага.
00:03:18,281 --> 00:03:20,650 Унитаз моет вас начисто
00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:24,387 Вы шутите
00:03:24,387 --> 00:03:26,123 Нет, это правда
00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:27,757 В нем есть теплая вода и сушилка
00:03:27,757 --> 00:03:30,594 и очищает вас в восемь раз лучше, чем туалетная бумага.
00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:34,965 Хотите взять один на тест-драйв?
00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:36,266 Конечно
00:03:36,266 --> 00:03:38,368 У меня был довольно плотный завтрак.
00:03:38,368 --> 00:03:39,769 Проходите
00:04:27,150 --> 00:04:31,154 Ладно, сколько?
00:04:31,154 --> 00:04:34,524 Я хотел поговорить с вами о том, что хочу чтобы вы все
00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:37,027 подумали о том, как нас воспринимают как семью.
00:04:38,495 --> 00:04:41,264 Как известные торговцы травкой, мы успешны,
00:04:41,264 --> 00:04:43,867 и на нас вроде как равняются в этом городе.
00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:48,004 потому что у нас есть хорошие вещи, которые большинство семей не могут себе позволить.
00:04:48,004 --> 00:04:49,973 Стэн, ты ведь играешь в Hogwarts Legacy
00:04:49,973 --> 00:04:51,608 на PS5, верно?
00:04:51,608 --> 00:04:53,677 <i>Ты</i> играешь в "Наследие Хогвартса" на PS5.
00:04:53,677 --> 00:04:56,146 Да, я... я хочу сказать, что большинство людей в городе
00:04:56,146 --> 00:04:57,781 даже не купили PS5.
00:04:57,781 --> 00:04:59,382 У них все еще PS4,
00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:02,652 и поэтому мы, по сути, Кеннеди Южного Парка.
00:05:03,787 --> 00:05:07,324 И очевидно, что у обеспеченных семей
00:05:07,324 --> 00:05:08,725 есть хорошие вещи,
00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:10,794 и мы не должны этого стыдиться.
00:05:10,794 --> 00:05:12,862 Новый туалет пришел!
00:05:15,131 --> 00:05:18,368 <i>Hajimemashite. Japanese Torei des!</i>
00:05:18,368 --> 00:05:20,503 Да, спасибо. Заносите.
00:05:20,503 --> 00:05:23,573 <i>Kyo fun yori! Kro fun yori!</i>
00:05:23,573 --> 00:05:28,578 <i>Kyo fun yori! Kro fun yori! Kro fun yori!</i>
00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:31,348 Это новый унитаз? Сколько он стоил?
00:05:31,348 --> 00:05:34,084 О, Шэрон. Десюнчик
00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:36,519 Что такое десюнчик? Десюнчик.
00:05:36,519 --> 00:05:38,888 Тыщ. Десять тыщ.
00:05:38,888 --> 00:05:42,092 Ты потратили 10 тысяч долларов на унитаз?!
00:05:42,092 --> 00:05:44,160 У нас нет таких денег, Рэнди!
00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:45,562 Вообще-то есть
00:05:45,562 --> 00:05:47,430 <i>Shitsurei Shimasu! Owarimashita.</i>
00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:49,266 Хорошо, да, прямо здесь? Хорошо.
00:05:52,869 --> 00:05:54,938 <i>Doomo! Aringanto gozaimashita!</i>
00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:56,706 <i>Aringato gozaimashita!</i>
00:05:56,706 --> 00:05:58,208 Ок, спасибо.
00:06:03,346 --> 00:06:05,882 Ты отнесешь это обратно в магазин
00:06:05,882 --> 00:06:07,217 Попробуй, Шэрон.
00:06:07,217 --> 00:06:08,685 Мне не нужно, Рэнди. Я хочу...
00:06:08,685 --> 00:06:10,253 Попробуй, Шэрон!
00:06:28,538 --> 00:06:29,572 Я хочу попробовать.
00:06:39,916 --> 00:06:41,284 О, смотрите, вот и он.
00:06:41,284 --> 00:06:42,952 Это мистер Большая шишка.
00:06:44,921 --> 00:06:46,589 Привет, Ричи Рич. Будешь есть икру
00:06:46,589 --> 00:06:48,325 сегодня в столовой, Ричи Рич?
00:06:52,295 --> 00:06:55,298 Стэн, чтобы ты знал, всем насрать
00:06:57,067 --> 00:06:58,568 На что?
00:06:58,568 --> 00:06:59,769 Пошли, пацаны!
00:07:02,572 --> 00:07:05,008 Ты знаешь, что некоторые даже не могут себе позволить еду?
00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:08,044 Как насчет подумать о чем-то важном, сучара?
00:07:09,245 --> 00:07:11,014 Что за хрень?
00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:13,583 Эй, Стэн, ты должен быть осторожен
00:07:13,583 --> 00:07:15,251 Чего?
00:07:15,251 --> 00:07:17,087 Слушай, это здорово, что ты из богатой семьи,
00:07:17,087 --> 00:07:19,356 но люди не любят, когда их тыкают носом в это
00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:22,158 Чувак, я даже ничего не сказал!
00:07:22,158 --> 00:07:23,827 Ну, твой отец обзвонил всех вчера вечером
00:07:23,827 --> 00:07:26,262 и сказал, что у тебя унитаз за $10,000
00:07:26,262 --> 00:07:27,397 Что?!
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:31,534 Спасибо, что пригласил нас на поздний завтрак, Рэнди.
00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:33,937 Да, а что за особый случай?
00:07:33,937 --> 00:07:37,307 Ну, знаешь, просто хорошо провести время с дорогими друзьями
00:07:37,307 --> 00:07:39,442 Кому-нибудь нужно в туалет?
00:07:39,442 --> 00:07:41,211 Нет, я.. мне не надо
00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:42,979 Тогда, может, еще кофе?
00:07:42,979 --> 00:07:45,448 Вы заметили сколько снега у нас выпадает сейчас?
00:07:45,448 --> 00:07:47,617 Ага, может это поможет справиться с засухой.
00:07:47,617 --> 00:07:48,818 Будем надеяться.
00:07:48,818 --> 00:07:52,055 Кому-нибудь нужен перерыв на туалет?
00:07:52,055 --> 00:07:54,457 Ну, вообще-то, похоже, мне нужно
00:07:54,457 --> 00:07:56,059 Это был довольно большой завтрак.
00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:57,727 О! О, да, конечно! Это...
00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:58,895 Прямо через коридор
00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:00,997 Прямо там. Прошу прощения
00:08:08,838 --> 00:08:10,507 Что это было?
00:08:10,507 --> 00:08:13,076 О, это приветственная музыка моего японского туалета.
00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:15,512 Я слышала о таких. Разве они не дорогие?
00:08:15,512 --> 00:08:17,013 Да, немного.
00:08:17,013 --> 00:08:18,715 Но для тех из нас, кто может себе это позволить,
00:08:18,715 --> 00:08:20,216 это того стоит.
00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:26,189 Теперь он включил заднюю струю,
00:08:26,189 --> 00:08:28,258 которая очищает вашу попу теплой водой.
00:08:29,859 --> 00:08:32,095 Это передняя струя.
00:08:32,095 --> 00:08:34,597 которая моет ваши яйца или вагину.
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:39,502 Если задумаетесь, то сухой кусок туалетной бумаги
00:08:39,502 --> 00:08:42,038 в два раза менее эффективен, чем вода под давлением
00:08:42,038 --> 00:08:43,907 Мне жаль, что большинство людей вынуждены ходить
00:08:43,907 --> 00:08:45,408 с фекалиями на анусе,
00:08:45,408 --> 00:08:46,843 но мне просто повезло.
00:08:46,843 --> 00:08:48,878 Я продал достаточно травы, чтобы этого не делать.
00:08:48,878 --> 00:08:51,581 Но было ли это везением? Или это была тяжелая работа?
00:08:51,581 --> 00:08:53,216 Я не знаю, но знаете...
00:08:53,216 --> 00:08:54,751 Пап, можно с тобой поговорить?!
00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:56,719 Стэн? Ты уже вернулся из школы?
00:08:56,719 --> 00:08:59,622 Мне нужно поговорить с тобой прямо сейчас!
00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:00,790 Что ты творишь?!
00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:02,225 Что <i>ты</i> творишь?
00:09:02,225 --> 00:09:04,194 Прекрати выпендриваться перед всеми!
00:09:04,194 --> 00:09:05,795 Я не выпендриваюсь.
00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:07,096 Нет, ты выпендриваешься, а в школе
00:09:07,096 --> 00:09:09,466 меня называют Ричи Рич!
00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:10,800 Правда?
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,435 Никому нет дела до твоего дурацкого туалета
00:09:12,435 --> 00:09:14,304 - Ты тупой - и ты ведешь себя как придурок.
00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:18,274 Я веду себя как придурок, потому что пытаюсь помочь людям?!
00:09:18,274 --> 00:09:20,109 Как ты пытаешься помочь людям, пап?
00:09:20,109 --> 00:09:23,546 Потому что люди не знают, что эти туалеты классные,
00:09:23,546 --> 00:09:25,715 а я просто, типа, уважаемый парень.
00:09:25,715 --> 00:09:28,751 который пытается открыть людям глаза, как Кеннеди.
00:09:28,751 --> 00:09:31,554 Ты не такой, как Кеннеди!
00:09:31,554 --> 00:09:33,289 Ты просто хвастаешься!
00:09:33,289 --> 00:09:36,893 Не-а, я как Кеннеди, потому что я пытаюсь что-то изменить!
00:09:36,893 --> 00:09:39,429 Ты член очень уважаемой семьи, Стэн.
00:09:39,429 --> 00:09:41,731 Ты должен начать вести себя соответственно.
00:09:41,731 --> 00:09:43,633 Ладно, кто следующий?
00:09:57,888 --> 00:10:02,827 ♪<i> Atashi wa Heia des-u</i> ♪
00:10:02,827 --> 00:10:06,330 ♪<i> Toire ni iru kara</i> ♪
00:10:06,330 --> 00:10:07,365 Рэнди?
00:10:07,365 --> 00:10:08,766 ♪<i> Kimochi ii</i> ♪
00:10:08,766 --> 00:10:10,701 Рэнди! Что?!
00:10:10,701 --> 00:10:14,238 Твой проктолог пришёл
00:10:14,238 --> 00:10:15,940 Мой проктолог?
00:10:15,940 --> 00:10:17,308 ♪<i> Atashi</i> ♪
00:10:18,409 --> 00:10:19,944 О, привет, док.
00:10:19,944 --> 00:10:22,346 Ну, Рэнди Марш, как дела?
00:10:22,346 --> 00:10:24,081 У меня все отлично. А вы как?
00:10:24,081 --> 00:10:26,183 Замечательно! Просто был очень занят.
00:10:26,183 --> 00:10:29,086 Вообще-то, послезавтра я везу жену в Тоскану.
00:10:29,086 --> 00:10:31,088 В Тоскану? Ух ты, потрясно.
00:10:31,088 --> 00:10:33,257 В общем, Рэнди, ты не приходил ко мне
00:10:33,257 --> 00:10:35,026 несколько дней, так что я подумал, что приду
00:10:35,026 --> 00:10:37,361 сам к тебе на дом, чтобы помочь с геморроем.
00:10:37,361 --> 00:10:39,296 О! Нет, доктор.
00:10:39,296 --> 00:10:41,632 Мне не нужно было приходить к вам в офис
00:10:41,632 --> 00:10:44,201 Вообще, я не думаю, что мне больше понадобятся ваши услуги
00:10:44,201 --> 00:10:46,804 с тех пор, как у меня появился японский унитаз.
00:10:46,804 --> 00:10:48,372 О... О, правда?
00:10:48,372 --> 00:10:50,374 Это полностью изменило мою жизнь.
00:10:50,374 --> 00:10:52,243 Я стал здоровее, у меня меньше стресса,
00:10:52,243 --> 00:10:55,046 и у меня нет геморроя, потому что я не размазываю дерьмо
00:10:55,046 --> 00:10:56,981 по всей заднице туалетной бумагой.
00:10:56,981 --> 00:10:58,315 Хм.
00:10:58,315 --> 00:10:59,583 Давай, хочешь на него посмотреть?!
00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:02,286 Давай, посмотри.
00:11:15,499 --> 00:11:17,334 Д-р Шелтэр?
00:11:19,437 --> 00:11:21,739 Доктор Шелтэр?!
00:11:21,739 --> 00:11:23,774 Ты тупица! Эй, эй, эй!
00:11:23,774 --> 00:11:26,410 Ты разрушил Тоскану!
00:11:26,410 --> 00:11:27,912 Прекрати! Я тебя ненавижу!
00:11:27,912 --> 00:11:30,448 Я ненавижу тебя! Я ненавижу тебя!
00:11:30,448 --> 00:11:32,616 Давай! Убирайся отсюда!
00:11:32,616 --> 00:11:34,018 Как я должен сказать своей жене.
00:11:34,018 --> 00:11:36,620 что теперь мы не можем позволить себе поехать в Тоскану?!
00:11:36,620 --> 00:11:40,124 Я и не думал, что ты так много зарабатываешь на моей заднице.
00:11:40,124 --> 00:11:42,126 Давай. Пошел.
00:11:42,126 --> 00:11:43,728 Пшел!
00:11:53,471 --> 00:11:55,139 Эй, Стэн! Подожди!
00:11:55,139 --> 00:11:56,607 Что?
00:11:56,607 --> 00:11:58,876 Мы же хорошие друзья, Стэн
00:11:58,876 --> 00:12:00,945 и... и я хотел спросить, может быть
00:12:00,945 --> 00:12:02,813 у тебя и ершик для унитаза золотой?
00:12:02,813 --> 00:12:05,182 Почему золотой? Ну, а как ещё
00:12:05,182 --> 00:12:07,852 когда у тебя такой шикарный туалет, Ричи Рич!
00:12:09,553 --> 00:12:12,356 Я сделал это! Я тоже назвал Стэна Ричи Ричем!
00:12:12,356 --> 00:12:14,925 Это весело!
00:12:17,328 --> 00:12:20,297 Стэн, ты должен перестать хвастаться своим туалетом
00:12:20,297 --> 00:12:22,199 Я не хвастаюсь своим туалетом!
00:12:22,199 --> 00:12:24,201 И вообще, почему это вдруг большое дело?
00:12:24,201 --> 00:12:28,038 Это большое дело, Стэн. Ты просто не понимаешь.
00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:34,411 Ты когда-нибудь задумывался, почему мы пользуемся туалетной бумагой?
00:12:34,411 --> 00:12:37,882 Нам говорят мыть руки... носить маски в толпе...
00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:39,917 но по какой-то причине, когда дело доходит до вытирания задницы,
00:12:39,917 --> 00:12:42,720 нам говорят делать это маленьким кусочком бумаги
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,389 Мы все - все мы - сейчас ходим вокруг
00:12:45,389 --> 00:12:48,259 с небольшим количеством дерьма, размазанного по нашим задницам.
00:12:48,259 --> 00:12:50,060 Знаешь, что 70% людей в мире
00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:53,063 вообще не пользуются её?
00:12:53,063 --> 00:12:55,099 70% людей в мире не пользуются туалетной бумагой?
00:12:55,099 --> 00:12:56,834 Погугли
00:12:56,834 --> 00:12:59,703 Большинство людей до сих пор пользуются старым добрым мылом и водой
00:12:59,703 --> 00:13:02,506 Средний американец использует 140 рулонов
00:13:02,506 --> 00:13:04,375 туалетной бумаги в год.
00:13:04,375 --> 00:13:07,044 Можешь представить, сколько это деревьев?
00:13:07,044 --> 00:13:08,879 Чтобы обеспечить Соединенные Штаты туалетной бумагой,
00:13:08,879 --> 00:13:13,717 требуется 31,1 миллиона деревьев в год.
00:13:13,717 --> 00:13:15,386 Только миллион акров в год
00:13:15,386 --> 00:13:16,921 драгоценной канадской тайги
00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:19,523 высвобождает до 25 тонн CO2
00:13:19,523 --> 00:13:22,026 и восстанавлиает 90% бесплодной почвы
00:13:22,026 --> 00:13:24,762 Почему же американцы так много её используют?
00:13:24,762 --> 00:13:26,597 Вот в чем главный вопрос, не так ли?
00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:29,433 Все это не имеет никакого смысла. Ну, тогда, может кто-то...
00:13:29,433 --> 00:13:31,402 Просто скажи своему отцу, чтобы прекратил
00:13:31,402 --> 00:13:33,304 Американцы не хотят менять свои туалеты.
00:13:33,304 --> 00:13:35,639 и никогда не поменяют.
00:13:35,639 --> 00:13:38,809 Дамы и господа, у нас общественное объявлание
00:13:38,809 --> 00:13:41,478 Один из граждан попросил произнести речь
00:13:41,478 --> 00:13:44,481 Пожалуйста, поприветствуйте мистера Рэнди С. Марша.
00:13:48,886 --> 00:13:51,755 Спасибо, мэр. Спасибо вам всем.
00:13:51,755 --> 00:13:54,124 Вы знаете, Марши - это семья, которая старается всегда
00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:55,993 подавать пример.
00:13:55,993 --> 00:13:59,797 И мы знаем, что все вы это цените.
00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:04,735 Каждый заслуживает быть чистым, и правда в том, что вы можете им быть.
00:14:04,735 --> 00:14:06,337 Может, вы и не Марши,
00:14:06,337 --> 00:14:09,640 но вы можете позволить себе японский туалет.
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:12,409 Только не такой хороший, как у нас.
00:14:12,409 --> 00:14:14,245 Если принять во внимание деньги
00:14:14,245 --> 00:14:17,448 которые мы все тратим на туалетную бумагу, врачей и крем от геморроя,
00:14:17,448 --> 00:14:21,785 японский унитаз окупается за несколько лет.
00:14:21,785 --> 00:14:25,356 Есть японские унитазы и для простых людей
00:14:25,356 --> 00:14:27,825 Walmart и Amazon предлагают дешевые и паршивые
00:14:27,825 --> 00:14:31,462 японские унитазы, которые может позволить себе каждый.
00:14:31,462 --> 00:14:33,197 Есть даже такие штуки, для крепления
00:14:33,197 --> 00:14:34,798 на ваш существующий унитаза
00:14:34,798 --> 00:14:37,201 которые позволят вам почувствовать себя Маршем.
00:14:37,201 --> 00:14:39,536 Они могут быть не "Нихон Но стай-ру",
00:14:39,536 --> 00:14:42,339 но они достаточно хороши для вас
00:14:42,339 --> 00:14:47,778 Дело в том, что даже обычным людям больше не нужна туалетная бумага!
00:14:47,778 --> 00:14:50,547 И поэтому я предлагаю, чтобы в этом городе все...
00:14:52,650 --> 00:14:55,853 Черт возьми!
00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:57,788 Рэнди?!
00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:07,665 Мне жаль, но он в критическом состоянии.
00:15:07,665 --> 00:15:09,533 Кто в него стрелял?
00:15:09,533 --> 00:15:11,402 Никто не знает.
00:15:11,402 --> 00:15:13,304 С ним все будет в порядке?
00:15:13,304 --> 00:15:14,872 Он в коме.
00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:18,208 Он без сознания и несет чепуху
00:15:19,743 --> 00:15:24,515 <i>Bikkuri... Bikkurishita... Taiehn deshou...</i>
00:15:24,515 --> 00:15:27,718 Мистер Марш, вся ваша семья здесь.
00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:30,754 Ваша жена, ваша дочь и ваш сын.
00:15:30,754 --> 00:15:33,324 <i>T-Toire Wa?</i>
00:15:33,324 --> 00:15:35,693 Нет, ваш туалет остался на ферме
00:15:35,693 --> 00:15:38,696 <i>Taihen ja naaaa....</i>
00:15:38,696 --> 00:15:41,398 Папа, прости, что я накричал на тебя
00:15:41,398 --> 00:15:44,168 Я не знал, что ты действительно пытался помочь.
00:15:44,168 --> 00:15:47,738 <i>Kon-nichi waaa...</i>
00:15:49,506 --> 00:15:53,444 - Стэн, куда ты? - Однажды я уже подвел отца.
00:15:53,444 --> 00:15:55,579 Кто-то должен продолжить то, что он начал
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:03,462 Я обещаю, мы делаем все возможное
00:16:03,462 --> 00:16:04,896 Я сожалею о том, что случилось,
00:16:04,896 --> 00:16:06,832 но ты должен довериться профессионалам.
00:16:06,832 --> 00:16:08,834 Здесь происходит нечто большее.
00:16:08,834 --> 00:16:11,169 Я думаю, мой отец был в чем-то прав, а я
00:16:11,169 --> 00:16:13,338 не послушал его, и теперь он в больнице.
00:16:13,338 --> 00:16:14,739 У нас уже есть несколько зацепок
00:16:14,739 --> 00:16:16,541 и мы следим за всеми
00:16:16,541 --> 00:16:19,544 Поверь, мы относимся ко всему этому очень серьезно.
00:16:19,544 --> 00:16:21,480 Для нас это не шутка.
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,482 -Шеф, эй, шеф! -Да?
00:16:23,482 --> 00:16:24,816 Заходит злой проктоло
00:16:24,816 --> 00:16:26,918 в туалетный отдел "Хоум Депо".
00:16:26,918 --> 00:16:28,720 Ага?
00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:30,655 Проктолог говорит менеджеру по унитазам,
00:16:30,655 --> 00:16:32,524 "Я не возьму на себя вину", и наставил пистолет
00:16:32,524 --> 00:16:34,226 на шестерых японских курьеров.
00:16:34,226 --> 00:16:35,861 Так
00:16:35,861 --> 00:16:37,696 Короче, выходят шесть японских курьеров,
00:16:37,696 --> 00:16:39,498 а проктолог держит всех в заложниках
00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:40,899 и говорит, что не возьмет вину на себя
00:16:40,899 --> 00:16:43,201 за убийство Рэнди Марша.
00:16:43,201 --> 00:16:45,036 О, черт, так это реально происходит?!
00:16:45,036 --> 00:16:46,771 Давайте, народ, погнали!
00:16:49,608 --> 00:16:51,543 Я за это не сяду!
00:16:51,543 --> 00:16:54,880 Вы поняли, копы?! Я ни в кого не стрелял!
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:56,348 Но если меня посадят,
00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:58,750 я заберу этих балбесов с собой!
00:16:58,750 --> 00:17:00,552 Хотите газированной воды или шам...
00:17:00,552 --> 00:17:02,587 Убирайся отсюда!
00:17:02,587 --> 00:17:04,122 Выходи
00:17:04,122 --> 00:17:07,192 Другого выхода нет, ты окружен
00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:09,861 Я не стрелял в Рэнди Марша!
00:17:09,861 --> 00:17:12,731 <i>-Taihen! </i> - Никто не говорит, что ты стрелял!
00:17:12,731 --> 00:17:15,967 Нет, но они собираются использовать меня как козла отпущения!
00:17:15,967 --> 00:17:18,303 Они все исправят, как обычно!
00:17:18,303 --> 00:17:20,372 - Кто? - Они подключат своих адвокатов
00:17:20,372 --> 00:17:22,741 и свою власть, чтобы все это исчезло!
00:17:22,741 --> 00:17:24,876 Точно так же, как они сделали, когда тот второклассник
00:17:24,876 --> 00:17:26,978 написал статью в школьной газете о туалетах
00:17:26,978 --> 00:17:28,246 два года назад!
00:17:28,246 --> 00:17:29,714 Они и меня уберут!
00:17:29,714 --> 00:17:31,283 Их не остановить!
00:17:31,283 --> 00:17:32,784 Не делай этого!
00:17:34,553 --> 00:17:36,555 <i>Sabishiiiii!</i>
00:17:36,555 --> 00:17:38,323 Хорошо, выдвигаемся!
00:17:38,323 --> 00:17:40,125 Обезопасьте перимтер
00:17:40,125 --> 00:17:43,562 Ученик 2-го класса два года назад...
00:17:43,562 --> 00:17:45,931 написал о туалетах в школьной газете.
00:17:49,768 --> 00:17:53,605 Ты не предупреждал меня о том, что кто-то может расстроиться.
00:17:53,605 --> 00:17:55,207 Ты знаешь об этом больше.
00:17:57,776 --> 00:17:59,311 Эй!
00:17:59,311 --> 00:18:01,012 Ты написал статью в школьной газете
00:18:01,012 --> 00:18:02,614 и кто-то пришел за тобой!
00:18:02,614 --> 00:18:04,783 Ну написал я статью, большое дело!
00:18:04,783 --> 00:18:07,018 Джимми, я хочу знать, кто стрелял в моего отца!
00:18:07,018 --> 00:18:09,154 Они забрали у меня все, Стэн.
00:18:09,154 --> 00:18:11,790 Мой велосипед... кошку...
00:18:11,790 --> 00:18:13,258 Они собирались засудить моих родителей
00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:15,493 за то, что я написал в школьной газете.
00:18:15,493 --> 00:18:18,964 Ты говоришь о компаниях по производству туалетной бумаги.
00:18:18,964 --> 00:18:21,866 Кому больше всех терять? Это все туалетная бумага, Стэн!
00:18:21,866 --> 00:18:25,637 Следуй за деньгами! 140 рулонов на одного американца в год.
00:18:25,637 --> 00:18:27,472 Фабрики выпускают рулон за рулоном.
00:18:27,472 --> 00:18:29,107 при этом уничтожая ресурсы Земли
00:18:29,107 --> 00:18:31,009 И все это ради антисанитарного продукта.
00:18:31,009 --> 00:18:33,345 который, доказано, способствует появлению анальных трещин.
00:18:33,345 --> 00:18:35,013 Неужели ты не понимаешь, чел?
00:18:35,013 --> 00:18:38,516 Бумага не очищает бактерии. Она не может остановить вирусы.
00:18:38,516 --> 00:18:39,985 Со всей этой информацией,
00:18:39,985 --> 00:18:41,353 можно подумать, что Всемирная организация здравоохранения
00:18:41,353 --> 00:18:43,555 проведет исследования, чтобы найти альтернативу.
00:18:43,555 --> 00:18:45,156 Почему же они этого не делают?
00:18:45,156 --> 00:18:47,192 Потому что туалетная бумага - это индустрия стоимостью
00:18:47,192 --> 00:18:50,729 миллиарды и миллиарды долларов.
00:18:50,729 --> 00:18:54,899 Kimberly-Clark, Georgia-Pacific, Procter & Gamble.
00:18:54,899 --> 00:18:57,535 Им не нужны японские туалеты в Америке
00:18:57,535 --> 00:18:59,738 и у них есть власть, чтобы остановить их,
00:18:59,738 --> 00:19:02,974 и остановить тебя.
00:19:02,974 --> 00:19:05,176 Я не могу поверить, что они стреляли в моего отца...
00:19:05,176 --> 00:19:07,646 потому что он хотел что-то изменить.
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:11,349 У этих людей карманы глубже, чем ты можешь вообразить
00:19:11,349 --> 00:19:14,719 Они могут уничтожить все, что ты любишь, Стэн.
00:19:14,719 --> 00:19:16,421 Послушай моего совета...
00:19:16,421 --> 00:19:20,358 {\an8}(Джимми произносит слоган из рекламы туалетной бумаги "не сжимайте Charmin")
00:19:16,421 --> 00:19:20,358 Иначе белая полоса станет черной
00:19:20,358 --> 00:19:24,195 Возможно, ты слишком напуган, Джимми, но я - Марш.
00:19:28,733 --> 00:19:30,368 Мои сограждане американцы...
00:19:30,368 --> 00:19:32,337 нас принудили и промыли мозги.
00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:34,039 В то время как весь остальной мир ходит вокруг
00:19:34,039 --> 00:19:36,541 с чистыми задницами, мы одержимы сухой бумагой
00:19:36,541 --> 00:19:39,411 которую нам продают миллиардные корпорации.
00:19:39,411 --> 00:19:42,547 - Да. - Эй, да он прав!
00:19:42,547 --> 00:19:44,949 Мой отец хотел, чтобы все увидели, что есть альтернативы.
00:19:44,949 --> 00:19:47,018 Но они не хотят, чтобы он говорил об альтернативах!
00:19:47,018 --> 00:19:48,720 Да! Да! Да! Да!
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:51,723 И мы больше не можем слепо покупать их продукцию.
00:19:51,723 --> 00:19:54,059 И как город, мы найдем альтернативы,
00:19:54,059 --> 00:19:55,293 и мы не будем бояться...
00:19:55,293 --> 00:19:57,929 Стоп! Стоп! Мы не будем этого делать!
00:19:57,929 --> 00:20:00,198 Пап! Все остановитесь, мы не будем этого делать.
00:20:00,198 --> 00:20:02,400 Спасибо. Южный парк, мы... мы прерываемся
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:04,803 Я был совершенно неправ и хочу извиниться
00:20:04,803 --> 00:20:06,371 Нет, пап, это компании по производству туалетной бумаги.
00:20:06,371 --> 00:20:08,139 которые стоят за всем... Да, я знаю.
00:20:08,139 --> 00:20:10,408 Да, так что мы не имеем ничего против туалетной бумаги.
00:20:10,408 --> 00:20:11,910 Это отличный продукт и..,
00:20:11,910 --> 00:20:13,411 с моей стороны было ребячеством смеяться над ней.
00:20:13,411 --> 00:20:15,080 Спасибо. Увидимся в другой раз.
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:16,614 Папа, мы не можем просто отступить.
00:20:16,614 --> 00:20:18,983 Братан! Меня нахер подстрелили!
00:20:20,752 --> 00:20:22,454 Японские туалеты совершенно не нужны,
00:20:22,454 --> 00:20:24,255 и, если кто-то еще слушает,
00:20:24,255 --> 00:20:27,425 я думаю, весь Южный Парк хотел бы извиниться.
00:20:27,425 --> 00:20:30,095 Мы отказываемся от своих слов о компаниях, производящих туалетную бумагу.
00:20:30,095 --> 00:20:33,565 Они... Они лишь только помогли нам, и мы извиняемся
00:20:33,565 --> 00:20:36,768 Южный Парк - все - скажите, что извиняетесь.
00:20:36,768 --> 00:20:39,070 Мы извиняемся.
00:20:39,070 --> 00:20:41,272 Хорошо, отлично. Давайте все пойдем по домам
00:20:41,272 --> 00:20:43,608 А как же помощь людям и пример для подражания?
00:20:43,608 --> 00:20:45,577 Мы не чертовы Кеннеди, Стэн.
00:20:45,577 --> 00:20:47,245 Хватит быть идиотом.
00:21:12,203 --> 00:21:16,007 Приятно, что ты вернулся, Старина Блю.
00:21:16,007 --> 00:21:18,810 Знаете, ребята, на самом деле мне не так уж и грустно.
00:21:18,810 --> 00:21:21,212 Иметь японский туалет было здорово, но...
00:21:21,212 --> 00:21:23,114 Я понял, что,
00:21:23,114 --> 00:21:25,817 когда у тебя есть большая, красивая, роскошная вещь,
00:21:25,817 --> 00:21:27,786 в конце концов, она становится обычной.
00:21:27,786 --> 00:21:29,621 Но ты начинаешь сравнивать это с остальными вещами
00:21:29,621 --> 00:21:33,024 в жизни, и вдруг понимаешь, что и жизнь надо обновить
00:21:33,024 --> 00:21:35,493 Поэтому лучше просто
00:21:35,493 --> 00:21:38,830 оставаться с дерьмовыми старыми вещами, которые у нас есть.
00:21:38,830 --> 00:21:40,565 Люблю тебя навсегда, дорогая

00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:12,053 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
00:00:12,053 --> 00:00:13,888 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:13,888 --> 00:00:15,640 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:18,727 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:20,270 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:22,105 ♪ People spouting, "howdy, neighbor!" ♪
00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:25,275 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:28,778 ♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪
00:00:28,778 --> 00:00:32,741 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
00:00:40,123 --> 00:00:41,374 See, Stan? You gotta choose
00:00:41,374 --> 00:00:43,251 if you wanna be in Gryffindor or Slytherin.
00:00:43,251 --> 00:00:45,211 Yeah, can I do it?
00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:47,297 Yeah, see, you gotta fight these fairy guys.
00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:48,465 Randy.
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,134 Randy!
00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:52,635 The powder room toilet is broken.
00:00:52,635 --> 00:00:54,053 Again!
00:00:54,053 --> 00:00:55,513 Did you jiggle the handle?
00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:56,973 Yes, I jiggled the handle.
00:00:56,973 --> 00:00:58,767 Will you come fix this, please?
00:00:58,767 --> 00:01:01,144 Okay, okay.
00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:08,526 Huh, well, let's see.
00:01:08,526 --> 00:01:12,238 It's gotta be the little black floaty thingie.
00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:13,490 What'd you do to it?
00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:15,158 I didn't do anything.
00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:16,451 Lemme see if there's water in the bowl.
00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:18,495 No! Don't lift the lid.
00:01:18,495 --> 00:01:20,205 Why can't I lift the lid?
00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:23,208 Don't, Randy! Uh-huh.
00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:25,168 Hey, guys! Your mom took a shit
00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:26,711 and doesn't want me to see it.
00:01:26,711 --> 00:01:28,671 Ew! Gross, Dad!
00:01:28,671 --> 00:01:31,382 Randy! We need to get a new toilet.
00:01:31,382 --> 00:01:33,927 We can't just get rid of ol' blue, Sharon.
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,470 This is embarrassing.
00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:38,431 It's the powder room toilet, the one guests use.
00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:40,016 You get a new toilet, Randy,
00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:43,019 or I'm not helping you sell weed anymore!
00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:45,396 Alright, alright. Sharon, you win.
00:01:45,396 --> 00:01:46,564 As usual.
00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:49,818 Poor ol' Blue.
00:01:58,034 --> 00:01:59,786 Can I help you with anything?
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:02,580 Oh, yeah, just lookin' for a new toilet to replace Ol' Blue.
00:02:02,580 --> 00:02:04,707 Alright, well, all our toilets here are standard bowl,
00:02:04,707 --> 00:02:05,875 come with full warranty.
00:02:05,875 --> 00:02:07,168 How much you looking to spend?
00:02:07,168 --> 00:02:08,503 Well I'm not poor.
00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:10,547 I happen to have my own weed business.
00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:12,882 So that's pretty much the nicest one you have, right?
00:02:12,882 --> 00:02:14,467 Yeah, that's probably the top model, you know,
00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:18,012 before you start getting into the Japanese toilets.
00:02:18,012 --> 00:02:19,347 Japanese toilets?
00:02:19,347 --> 00:02:21,057 Yeah, they're the sort of the super-high-class
00:02:21,057 --> 00:02:22,684 luxury models with all the bells and whistles.
00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:25,395 But you probably don't wanna spend that kind of money.
00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:27,105 I'm not poor.
00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:29,858 Oh, well, we can show them to you.
00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:32,068 The Japanese toilets are right over there.
00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:39,075 Hi, Rick. This gentleman
00:02:39,075 --> 00:02:40,869 would like to see the Japanese toilets.
00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:43,079 Well, of course, sir. My name is Rick.
00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:45,081 Let me know if there's anything you need.
00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:49,460 These toilets are all equipped with the highest-end features,
00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:51,254 including an automatic bidet system,
00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:53,756 bluetooth capability, and seat warmers.
00:02:53,756 --> 00:02:56,050 Seat warmers?
00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:57,760 And the toilet senses when you've come into the room,
00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,971 turns on a small light, plays welcome music,
00:02:59,971 --> 00:03:01,639 and raises the lid for you.
00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:04,350 Can I offer you come sparkling water or champagne?
00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:06,603 Oh, sure, I'll take some champagne.
00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:08,563 All the toilet's functions are operated
00:03:08,563 --> 00:03:10,565 by a touch-button remote which you mount
00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:12,775 where the toilet-paper roll used to go.
00:03:12,775 --> 00:03:14,861 So then where do you keep the toilet paper?
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:18,197 With a Japanese toilet, you don't need toilet paper.
00:03:18,197 --> 00:03:20,700 The toilet washes you completely clean.
00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:24,203 You're mad.
00:03:24,203 --> 00:03:25,997 No, it's true.
00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:27,749 It has warm water and a dryer
00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:30,585 and cleans you eight times better than toilet paper can.
00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:34,964 Would you like to take one for a test drive?
00:03:34,964 --> 00:03:36,174 Oh, uh, sure.
00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:38,217 I did have kind of a big breakfast.
00:03:38,217 --> 00:03:39,802 Right over here.
00:03:55,443 --> 00:03:56,945 {\an8}<i>Oh, yeah ♪</i>
00:03:59,113 --> 00:04:01,366 <i>I, I, I ♪</i>
00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:02,992 Oh.
00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:05,578 <i>Oh, yeah ♪</i>
00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:09,499 Ooh. Oh, oh! Oh.
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:10,917 Ahhh!
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:13,044 Oh, oh!
00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:22,470 Ohh! Oh.
00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:30,979 Okay, how much?
00:04:30,979 --> 00:04:34,399 Guys, I wanted to talk to you because I want you all
00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:36,859 to <i>think</i> about how we're viewed as a family.
00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:41,197 You know, as a prominent weed dealer, we are successful,
00:04:41,197 --> 00:04:43,825 and we're sort of looked up to in this town
00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:47,829 because we have nice things that most families can't afford.
00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:49,914 I mean, Stan, you're playing "Hogwarts Legacy"
00:04:49,914 --> 00:04:51,541 on PS5, right?
00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:53,626 <i>You're</i> playing "Hogwarts Legacy" on a PS5.
00:04:53,626 --> 00:04:56,087 Yeah, my-- my point is that most people in town
00:04:56,087 --> 00:04:57,672 don't even have a PS5.
00:04:57,672 --> 00:04:59,215 They still have PS4s,
00:04:59,215 --> 00:05:02,635 and so we're basically the Kennedys of South Park.
00:05:03,928 --> 00:05:07,056 And the plain fact is that well-off families
00:05:07,056 --> 00:05:08,474 have nice things,
00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:10,560 and we shouldn't be ashamed of that.
00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:18,276 <i>Hajimemashite. Japanese Torei des!</i>
00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:20,403 Uh, yes, thank you. Bring it on in.
00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:23,489 Delivery men: <i>Kyo fun yori! Kro fun yori!</i>
00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:28,494 <i>Kyo fun yori! Kro fun yori! Kro fun yori!</i>
00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:31,289 That's the new toilet? How much did it cost?
00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:33,958 Oh, Sharon. Tennish.
00:05:33,958 --> 00:05:36,502 What's tennish?
00:05:36,502 --> 00:05:38,713 Thousandish. Ten thousandish.
00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:41,924 You spent $10,000 on a toilet?!
00:05:41,924 --> 00:05:44,177 We don't have that kind of money, Randy!
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:45,470 Yeah, we do.
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,388 <i>Shitsurei Shimasu! Owarimashita.</i>
00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:49,265 Okay, yeah, right here? Okay.
00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:54,771 <i>Doomo! Aringanto gozaimashita!</i>
00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:56,606 <i>Aringato gozaimashita!</i>
00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:58,066 K, thanks.
00:06:03,362 --> 00:06:05,782 You are taking that back to the store.
00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:07,116 Try it, Sharon.
00:06:07,116 --> 00:06:08,576 I don't need to, Randy. I want--
00:06:08,576 --> 00:06:10,203 Try it, Sharon!
00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:21,297 <i>Oh, yeah ♪</i>
00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:23,132 Oh. Oh.
00:06:23,132 --> 00:06:24,509 <i>I, I, I ♪</i>
00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:26,886 Oh! Ohh!
00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,387 Ah-ha-ha!
00:06:28,387 --> 00:06:29,430 I wanna try it.
00:06:29,430 --> 00:06:30,640 Shhh!
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,016 Ah-ho-ho!
00:06:32,016 --> 00:06:34,310 Ohh!
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:41,275 Oh, look, there he goes.
00:06:41,275 --> 00:06:42,985 It's Mr. Big Shot.
00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:46,572 Hey, Richie Rich. You eating caviar
00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:48,199 for lunch today, Richie Rich?
00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:55,164 Stan, just so you know, nobody gives a shit.
00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:58,417 About what?
00:06:58,417 --> 00:06:59,752 Come on, guys!
00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:04,966 Did you know some people can't even afford to <i>eat?</i>
00:07:04,966 --> 00:07:07,885 How about caring for something that matters, you bitch?
00:07:09,345 --> 00:07:10,763 What the fuck?
00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:13,474 Hey, Stan, you really have to be careful.
00:07:13,474 --> 00:07:15,059 Of what?
00:07:15,059 --> 00:07:17,103 Look, it's great that you come from a wealthy family,
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:19,230 but people don't like getting their noses rubbed in it.
00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:21,941 Dude, I haven't even said anything!
00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:23,818 Well, your dad called everyone last night
00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:26,070 and told them you have a $10,000 toilet.
00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:27,321 What?!
00:07:28,906 --> 00:07:31,492 Well, thanks for having us over for brunch, Randy.
00:07:31,492 --> 00:07:33,953 Yeah, what's the special occasion?
00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:37,165 Oh, you know, just good times with dear friends.
00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:39,417 Does anyone need to go to the bathroom?
00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:41,043 Uh, no, I'm-- I'm good.
00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:42,962 Oh, maybe some more coffee, then.
00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:45,339 Can you guys believe all the snow we've gotten?
00:07:45,339 --> 00:07:47,466 Yeah, maybe it will actually help with the drought.
00:07:47,466 --> 00:07:48,551 Let's hope so.
00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:52,054 Does anyone need a bathroom break?
00:07:52,054 --> 00:07:54,390 Well, actually, I-I think I could use the restroom.
00:07:54,390 --> 00:07:55,892 That was kind of a big breakfast.
00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:57,727 Oh! Oh, yeah, sure! It's, uh--
00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:58,728 It's right across the hallway.
00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:00,938 Right there.
00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:08,696 Butters' Dad: Oh.
00:08:08,696 --> 00:08:10,364 What was that?
00:08:10,364 --> 00:08:12,909 Oh, that's the welcome music for my Japanese toilet.
00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:15,286 I've heard of those. Aren't they expensive?
00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:16,746 Yeah, a bit.
00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:18,664 But for those of us who can afford it,
00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:20,166 it's well worth it.
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:22,084 Oh! Ohhh!
00:08:22,084 --> 00:08:24,295 Ohhhh!
00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:26,005 He's now turned on the rear jet,
00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:28,257 which cleans your bottom with warm water.
00:08:28,257 --> 00:08:29,634 Oh. Ohhh!
00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:31,928 Ah! That's the front washer
00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:34,430 that washes your balls, or vagina.
00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:39,393 If you think about it, a dry piece of toilet paper
00:08:39,393 --> 00:08:42,021 can't clean you half as well as pressurized water.
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:43,689 I feel bad that most people have to walk around
00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:45,399 with fecal matter on their anus,
00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:46,859 but I'm just lucky
00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:48,819 I've sold enough weed to be able not to.
00:08:48,819 --> 00:08:51,489 But was it really luck? Or was it hard work?
00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:53,074 Heck, I don't know, but you know--
00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:54,700 Dad, can I talk to you?!
00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,702 Stan? You're back from school already?
00:08:56,702 --> 00:08:59,372 I need to talk to you right now!
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:00,581 The fuck are you doing?!
00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:02,041 Fuck are <i>you</i> doing?
00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:04,126 You need to stop gloating to everybody!
00:09:04,126 --> 00:09:05,795 I am not gloating.
00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:06,963 Yes, you are, and now kids at school
00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:09,215 are calling me Richie Rich!
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,758 They are?
00:09:10,758 --> 00:09:12,260 Nobody cares about your stupid toilet
00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:14,053 and you're acting like a jerk.
00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:18,099 <i>I'm</i> acting like a jerk because I'm trying to help people?!
00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:20,059 How are you trying to help people, Dad?
00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:23,479 Because the <i>people</i> don't know that these toilets are awesome,
00:09:23,479 --> 00:09:25,690 and I'm just, like, the well-respected guy
00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:28,484 who's trying to open people's eyes like JFK.
00:09:28,484 --> 00:09:31,570 You are <i>not</i> like JFK!
00:09:31,570 --> 00:09:33,030 You're just showing off!
00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:36,867 Nu-uh, I'm like JFK 'cause I am trying to change things!
00:09:36,867 --> 00:09:39,328 You're part of a very respected family, Stan.
00:09:39,328 --> 00:09:41,539 You should start acting like it.
00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:43,541 Okay, who's next?
00:09:49,672 --> 00:09:53,718 {\an8}<i>Oh, yeah ♪</i>
00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:55,177 {\an8}<i>I, I, I ♪</i>
00:09:57,888 --> 00:10:02,768 <i>Atashi wa Heia des-u ♪</i>
00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:06,355 Randy singing along: <i>Toire ni iru kara ♪</i>
00:10:06,355 --> 00:10:07,273 Randy?
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:08,774 <i>♪ Kimochi i</i> i ♪
00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:10,609 Randy! What?!
00:10:10,609 --> 00:10:14,155 Your proctologist is here to see you.
00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:16,032 My proctologist?
00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:17,408 <i>Atashi ♪</i>
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:19,952 Oh, hey there, Doc.
00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:22,246 Well, Randy Marsh, how are ya?
00:10:22,246 --> 00:10:24,123 I'm doing great. How are you?
00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:26,167 Wonderful! Just been super busy.
00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:29,170 I'm actually takin' the wife to Tuscany day after tomorrow.
00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:31,047 Tuscany? Wow. Awesome.
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:33,299 Yeah, well, Randy you haven't been in my office
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:35,009 for a few days, so I thought I'd come
00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:37,345 do a house call to help you with your hemorrhoids.
00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:39,347 Oh! No, Doctor.
00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:41,682 I haven't <i>needed</i> to come to your office.
00:10:41,682 --> 00:10:44,268 In fact, I don't think I'll be needing your services anymore
00:10:44,268 --> 00:10:46,854 since I've gotten a Japanese toilet.
00:10:46,854 --> 00:10:48,230 Oh-- Oh, really?
00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:50,232 It's completely changed my life.
00:10:50,232 --> 00:10:52,234 I'm healthier, I'm less stressed,
00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:55,071 and I don't get hemorrhoids 'cause I'm not smearing shit
00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:56,906 all over my ass with toilet paper.
00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:58,407 Huh.
00:10:58,407 --> 00:10:59,700 Here, here. You wanna come see it?!
00:11:00,659 --> 00:11:02,328 Go on, check it out.
00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:17,385 D-Dr. Sheltair?
00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:21,722 Dr. Sheltair?!
00:11:21,722 --> 00:11:23,766 You stupid!
00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:26,352 You ruined Tuscany! Gah!
00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:27,978 Stop it! I hate you!
00:11:27,978 --> 00:11:30,314 I hate you! I hate you!
00:11:30,314 --> 00:11:32,483 Go on! Get out of here!
00:11:32,483 --> 00:11:33,943 How am I supposed to tell my wife
00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:36,654 we can't afford to go to Tuscany now?!
00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:39,990 I never realized you made so much money off my ass.
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:42,034 Go on. Get.
00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:43,661 Get!
00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:55,047 Hey, Stan! Stan hold up!
00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:56,715 What?
00:11:56,715 --> 00:11:58,843 Well, um, you're just a really good friend, Stan,
00:11:58,843 --> 00:12:00,970 and-- and I was gonna ask if maybe
00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:02,680 I could borrow your plungercost?
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:05,141 What's a plungercost?
00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:07,893 when your toilet's nice as yours, Richie Rich!
00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:12,314 I did it! I called Stan Richie Rich, too!
00:12:12,314 --> 00:12:14,900 That was fun!
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:20,364 Stan, you've got to stop bragging about your toilet.
00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:22,199 I'm not bragging about my toilet!
00:12:22,199 --> 00:12:24,160 And why is it such a big deal anyway?
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:27,997 It's a big deal, Stan. You just don't understand why.
00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:34,420 Have you ever asked yourself why we use toilet paper?
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:37,756 We're told to wash our hands... wear masks in crowds...
00:12:37,756 --> 00:12:39,800 but for some reason, when it comes to wiping our ass,
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:42,803 we're told to do it with this little piece of paper.
00:12:42,803 --> 00:12:45,347 We are all-- all of us-- walking around right now
00:12:45,347 --> 00:12:48,225 with a little bit of shit smeared on our buttholes.
00:12:48,225 --> 00:12:50,102 Did you know that 70% of people in the world
00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:53,022 don't even use it at all?
00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:54,982 70% of the world doesn't use toilet paper?
00:12:54,982 --> 00:12:56,942 Look it up.
00:12:56,942 --> 00:12:59,570 Most people in the world still use good ol' soap and water.
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:02,448 The average American uses 140 rolls
00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:04,366 of toilet paper per year.
00:13:04,366 --> 00:13:06,952 Can you even begin to imagine how many trees that is?
00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:08,787 To supply the United States its toilet paper,
00:13:08,787 --> 00:13:13,626 it takes 31.1 million trees per year.
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,461 A million acres per year of precious
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:16,837 Canadian Boreal forest alone,
00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:19,632 releasing upwards of 25 metric tons of CO2
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:22,009 and leveling 90% of the land barren.
00:13:22,009 --> 00:13:24,637 So, then, why do Americans use it so much?
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,597 Well, that's the big question, isn't it?
00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:29,266 None of it makes any sense.
00:13:29,266 --> 00:13:31,393 Just tell your dad to stop.
00:13:31,393 --> 00:13:33,145 Americans don't want to change their toilets
00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:35,606 and they never will.
00:13:35,606 --> 00:13:38,651 Ladies and gentlemen, we have a public service announcement.
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:41,529 One of our citizens has asked to speak with you.
00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:44,448 Please welcome Mr. Randy S. Marsh.
00:13:48,827 --> 00:13:51,789 Thank you, Mayor. Thank you, everyone.
00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:54,208 You know, the Marshes are a family that try to always
00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:55,918 lead by example.
00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:59,797 And we know that all of you appreciate that.
00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:04,677 Everyone deserves to be clean, and the truth is, you can be.
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:06,345 You might not be the Marshes,
00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:09,682 but you can afford a Japanese toilet.
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:12,518 Just not a really nice one like what we have.
00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:14,144 If you take into account the money
00:14:14,144 --> 00:14:17,439 we all spend on toilet paper, doctors, and hemorrhoid cream,
00:14:17,439 --> 00:14:21,819 a Japanese toilet pays for itself in just a few years.
00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:25,364 There are actually Japanese toilets made for commoners.
00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:27,908 Walmart and Amazon all carry the lower
00:14:27,908 --> 00:14:31,453 cost of shitty Japanese toilets that anyone can afford.
00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:33,289 There's even these like attachment thingies
00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:34,623 for your existing toilet
00:14:34,623 --> 00:14:37,167 which will make you feel like a Marsh yourself.
00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:39,587 They may not be Nihon No style-ru,
00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:42,256 but they are good enough for you guys.
00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:47,845 The point is-- even commoners don't need toilet paper anymore!
00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:50,472 And, so, I am suggesting that this town puts all--
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,894 Holy shit!
00:14:55,894 --> 00:14:57,813 Randy?! Wah!
00:15:04,820 --> 00:15:07,656 I'm sorry, but he's in critical condition.
00:15:07,656 --> 00:15:09,450 Who shot him?
00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:11,285 Nobody knows.
00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:13,203 Is he gonna be okay?
00:15:13,203 --> 00:15:14,705 He's in a coma.
00:15:14,705 --> 00:15:18,250 He's unconscious and just blabbering nonsense.
00:15:19,793 --> 00:15:24,548 <i>Bikkuri... Bikkurishita... Taiehn deshou...</i>
00:15:24,548 --> 00:15:27,801 Mr. Marsh, your whole family is here.
00:15:27,801 --> 00:15:30,721 Your wife, your daughter, and your son.
00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:33,349 <i>T-Toire Wa?</i>
00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:35,601 No, your toilet is back at the farm.
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:38,771 <i>Taihen ja naaaa....</i>
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:41,398 Dad, I'm sorry I yelled at you before.
00:15:41,398 --> 00:15:44,234 I didn't know you were really trying to help.
00:15:44,234 --> 00:15:47,821 <i>Kon-nichi waaa...</i>
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:53,452 - Stan, where are you going? - I let dad down once.
00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:55,621 Somebody has to pick up where he left off.
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:03,545 I promise we're doing all we can.
00:16:03,545 --> 00:16:04,922 I'm sorry for what happened,
00:16:04,922 --> 00:16:06,882 but you need to leave it to the professionals.
00:16:06,882 --> 00:16:08,884 There's something more going on here.
00:16:08,884 --> 00:16:11,220 I think my dad was on to something and I
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:13,305 didn't listen to him, and now he's in a hospital.
00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:14,723 We've already got a few leads
00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:16,475 and we're following up on all of them.
00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:19,603 I assure you we take this all very seriously.
00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:21,522 This isn't a joke to us.
00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:23,524 - Chief, hey, Chief! - Yeah?
00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:24,900 An angry proctologist walked in
00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:26,860 to the toilet section of Home Depot.
00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:28,737 Y-Yeah?
00:16:28,737 --> 00:16:30,656 Proctologist says to the toilet manager,
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:32,574 "I ain't taking the fall," and pulls a gun
00:16:32,574 --> 00:16:34,243 on six Japanese delivery men.
00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:35,869 Okay.
00:16:35,869 --> 00:16:37,663 So, then, the six Japanese delivery men show up,
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:39,540 and the proctologist has everyone held hostage
00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:41,041 and says he's not taking the fall
00:16:41,041 --> 00:16:43,335 for the Randy Marsh shooting.
00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:44,962 Oh, shit, this is actually happening?!
00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:46,880 Come on people let's go!
00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,468 I ain't going down for this!
00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:55,013 You got that, coppers?! I didn't shoot anybody!
00:16:55,013 --> 00:16:56,265 But if I'm going down,
00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:58,767 I'll take these careless bastards out with me!
00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:00,561 Would you like some sparkling water or cham--
00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:04,189 Come on out.
00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:07,151 There's no other way, we have you surrounded.
00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:09,945 I didn't shoot Randy Marsh!
00:17:09,945 --> 00:17:12,740 <i>- Taihen!</i> - Nobody's saying you did!
00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:16,034 No, but they're gonna use me as their scapegoat!
00:17:16,034 --> 00:17:18,203 They'll fix things like they always do!
00:17:18,203 --> 00:17:20,330 - Who will? - They'll use their lawyers
00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:22,750 and their power to make it all go away!
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,960 Just like they did back when that 2nd grade kid
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:26,920 wrote a story in the school paper about toilets
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:28,213 two years ago!
00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:29,798 They'll take me out, too!
00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:31,300 There's no stopping them!
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,926 Don't do it!
00:17:34,678 --> 00:17:36,638 <i>Sabishiiiii!</i>
00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:38,348 Aww! Alright move in!
00:17:38,348 --> 00:17:40,267 Secure the area.
00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:43,520 2nd grade kid two years ago...
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:45,981 Wrote about toilets in the school news paper.
00:17:49,818 --> 00:17:53,655 You weren't warning me about people getting upset.
00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:55,365 You know more about this.
00:17:57,785 --> 00:17:59,453 Hey!
00:17:59,453 --> 00:18:01,163 You wrote a story in the school paper
00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:02,581 and someone came after you!
00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:04,792 Yeah I wrote a story, big deal!
00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:07,086 Jimmy, I want to know who shot my dad!
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,087 They took everything from me, Stan.
00:18:09,087 --> 00:18:11,840 My bike... my cat...
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,425 They were gonna sue my parents
00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:15,385 for what I wrote in the school paper.
00:18:15,385 --> 00:18:18,972 You're talking about the toilet paper companies.
00:18:18,972 --> 00:18:21,850 Who has the most to lose? It's all toilet paper, Stan!
00:18:21,850 --> 00:18:25,604 Follow the money! 140 rolls per American per year.
00:18:25,604 --> 00:18:27,439 Factories pushing out roll after roll
00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:29,191 while razing Earth's resources.
00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:31,026 All of this for an unsanitary product
00:18:31,026 --> 00:18:33,320 that has been proven to contribute to anal fissures.
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:35,030 Don't you get it, man?
00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:38,534 Paper doesn't clean bacteria. It can't stop viruses.
00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:40,035 With all that information,
00:18:40,035 --> 00:18:41,495 you'd think the world health organization
00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:43,622 would do studies to find alternatives.
00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:45,207 So why don't they?
00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:47,334 Because toilet paper is an industry worth
00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:50,671 billions and b-billions of dollars.
00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:54,925 Kimberly-Clark, Georgia-Pacific, Procter & Gamble.
00:18:54,925 --> 00:18:57,511 They don't want Japanese toilets in America
00:18:57,511 --> 00:18:59,847 and they have the power to stop them,
00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:03,058 and to stop you.
00:19:03,058 --> 00:19:05,269 I can't believe they shot my dad...
00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:07,813 because he wanted to change things.
00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:11,441 These people have deeper pockets than you can possibly imagine.
00:19:11,441 --> 00:19:14,778 They can destroy everything you love, Stan.
00:19:14,778 --> 00:19:16,363 Take my advice...
00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:20,450 Don't. Squeeze. The Charmin.
00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:24,288 You might be too scared Jimmy, but I'm a Marsh.
00:19:28,792 --> 00:19:30,502 My fellow Americans...
00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:32,462 we have been coerced and brain washed.
00:19:32,462 --> 00:19:34,006 While the rest of the world walks around
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:36,425 with cleaner buttholes, we are obsessed with dry paper
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:39,344 sold to us by billion-dollar corporations.
00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:42,598 - Yeah. - Hey, yeah, he's right!
00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:44,933 My father wanted everyone to see that there were alternatives.
00:19:44,933 --> 00:19:46,977 But they don't want him talking about alternatives!
00:19:46,977 --> 00:19:48,604 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yea!
00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:51,648 And we can't be blindly buying their products anymore.
00:19:51,648 --> 00:19:54,151 And as a town, we will find alternatives,
00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:55,444 and we will not be afraid to--
00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:57,905 Stop! Stop! We're not doing this!
00:19:57,905 --> 00:20:00,282 Dad! Everyone just stop, we're not doing this.
00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:02,492 Thank you. South Park, uh, we-we're cutting this short.
00:20:02,492 --> 00:20:04,786 I was totally wrong and I want to apologize.
00:20:04,786 --> 00:20:06,496 No, dad, it's the toilet paper companies
00:20:06,496 --> 00:20:08,123 that are behind all the--
00:20:08,123 --> 00:20:10,334 Yeah, so, uh, w-we have nothing against toilet paper.
00:20:10,334 --> 00:20:11,919 It's a great product and, uh,
00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:13,545 it was childish of me to make fun of it.
00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:15,172 Thanks, though. We'll see ya later.
00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:16,632 Dad, we can't just back down.
00:20:16,632 --> 00:20:19,009 Bro! I got fucking shot!
00:20:20,802 --> 00:20:22,596 Japanese toilets are totally unnecessary,
00:20:22,596 --> 00:20:24,306 and, uh, in case anyone else is listening,
00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:27,476 I think all of South Park would like to apologize.
00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:30,020 We retract what we said about toilet paper companies.
00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:33,482 They-- They have done nothing but help us, and we are sorry.
00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:36,818 South Park-- everyone-- say you're sorry.
00:20:36,818 --> 00:20:39,154 We're sorry.
00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:41,323 Okay, great. Come on, guys, let's go home.
00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:43,492 What about helping people and leading by example?
00:20:43,492 --> 00:20:45,661 We're not the Goddamn Kennedys, Stan.
00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:47,287 Stop being an idiot.
00:21:12,312 --> 00:21:16,024 Nice to have you back, Ol' Blue.
00:21:16,024 --> 00:21:18,777 You know, guys, I'm actually not that sad.
00:21:18,777 --> 00:21:21,363 Having a Japanese toilet was great, but...
00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:23,198 I've come to realize that,
00:21:23,198 --> 00:21:25,784 when you have some big, nice luxury thing,
00:21:25,784 --> 00:21:27,703 it eventually just becomes normal.
00:21:27,703 --> 00:21:29,746 But you start comparing it to all the other things
00:21:29,746 --> 00:21:33,083 in your life which suddenly feel you have to upgrade, too.
00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:35,544 So, it's really best to just
00:21:35,544 --> 00:21:38,880 stick with the beat-up, crappy old things we have.
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:40,632 Love you forever, Honey.

00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:08,800 {\an8}♪
00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:12,053 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
00:00:12,053 --> 00:00:13,888 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:13,888 --> 00:00:15,640 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:18,727 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:20,270 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:22,105 ♪ People spouting, "howdy, neighbor!" ♪
00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:25,275 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:28,778 ♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪
00:00:28,778 --> 00:00:32,741 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:40,123 [ Video game beeping ]
00:00:40,123 --> 00:00:41,374 See, Stan? You gotta choose
00:00:41,374 --> 00:00:43,251 if you wanna be in Gryffindor or Slytherin.
00:00:43,251 --> 00:00:45,211 Yeah, can I do it?
00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:47,297 Yeah, see, you gotta fight these fairy guys.
00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:48,465 Randy.
00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:49,883 [ Beeping continues ]
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,134 Randy!
00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:52,635 The powder room toilet is broken.
00:00:52,635 --> 00:00:54,053 Again!
00:00:54,053 --> 00:00:55,513 Did you jiggle the handle?
00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:56,973 Yes, I jiggled the handle.
00:00:56,973 --> 00:00:58,767 Will you come fix this, please?
00:00:58,767 --> 00:01:01,144 Okay, okay.
00:01:01,144 --> 00:01:02,479 [ Beeping continues ]
00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:08,526 Huh, well, let's see.
00:01:08,526 --> 00:01:12,238 It's gotta be the little black floaty thingie.
00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:13,490 What'd you do to it?
00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:15,158 I didn't do anything.
00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:16,451 Lemme see if there's water in the bowl.
00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:18,495 No! Don't lift the lid.
00:01:18,495 --> 00:01:20,205 Why can't I lift the lid?
00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:23,208 Don't, Randy! Uh-huh.
00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:25,168 Hey, guys! Your mom took a shit
00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:26,711 and doesn't want me to see it.
00:01:26,711 --> 00:01:28,671 Ew! Gross, Dad!
00:01:28,671 --> 00:01:31,382 Randy! We need to get a new toilet.
00:01:31,382 --> 00:01:33,927 We can't just get rid of ol' blue, Sharon.
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,470 This is embarrassing.
00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:38,431 It's the powder room toilet, the one guests use.
00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:40,016 You get a new toilet, Randy,
00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:43,019 or I'm not helping you sell weed anymore!
00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:45,396 Alright, alright. Sharon, you win.
00:01:45,396 --> 00:01:46,564 As usual.
00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:49,818 Poor ol' Blue.
00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:54,864 [ Indistinct conversations ]
00:01:58,034 --> 00:01:59,786 Can I help you with anything?
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:02,580 Oh, yeah, just lookin' for a new toilet to replace Ol' Blue.
00:02:02,580 --> 00:02:04,707 Alright, well, all our toilets here are standard bowl,
00:02:04,707 --> 00:02:05,875 come with full warranty.
00:02:05,875 --> 00:02:07,168 How much you looking to spend?
00:02:07,168 --> 00:02:08,503 Well I'm not poor.
00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:10,547 I happen to have my own weed business.
00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:12,882 So that's pretty much the nicest one you have, right?
00:02:12,882 --> 00:02:14,467 Yeah, that's probably the top model, you know,
00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:18,012 before you start getting into the Japanese toilets.
00:02:18,012 --> 00:02:19,347 Japanese toilets?
00:02:19,347 --> 00:02:21,057 Yeah, they're the sort of the super-high-class
00:02:21,057 --> 00:02:22,684 luxury models with all the bells and whistles.
00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:25,395 But you probably don't wanna spend that kind of money.
00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:27,105 I'm not poor.
00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:29,858 Oh, well, we can show them to you.
00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:32,068 The Japanese toilets are right over there.
00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:39,075 Hi, Rick. This gentleman
00:02:39,075 --> 00:02:40,869 would like to see the Japanese toilets.
00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:43,079 Well, of course, sir. My name is Rick.
00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:45,081 Let me know if there's anything you need.
00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:49,460 These toilets are all equipped with the highest-end features,
00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:51,254 including an automatic bidet system,
00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:53,756 bluetooth capability, and seat warmers.
00:02:53,756 --> 00:02:56,050 Seat warmers?
00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:57,760 And the toilet senses when you've come into the room,
00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,971 turns on a small light, plays welcome music,
00:02:59,971 --> 00:03:01,639 and raises the lid for you.
00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:04,350 Can I offer you come sparkling water or champagne?
00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:06,603 Oh, sure, I'll take some champagne.
00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:08,563 All the toilet's functions are operated
00:03:08,563 --> 00:03:10,565 by a touch-button remote which you mount
00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:12,775 where the toilet-paper roll used to go.
00:03:12,775 --> 00:03:14,861 So then where do you keep the toilet paper?
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:18,197 With a Japanese toilet, you don't need toilet paper.
00:03:18,197 --> 00:03:20,700 The toilet washes you completely clean.
00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:24,203 You're mad.
00:03:24,203 --> 00:03:25,997 No, it's true.
00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:27,749 It has warm water and a dryer
00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:30,585 and cleans you eight times better than toilet paper can.
00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:34,964 Would you like to take one for a test drive?
00:03:34,964 --> 00:03:36,174 Oh, uh, sure.
00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:38,217 I did have kind of a big breakfast.
00:03:38,217 --> 00:03:39,802 Right over here.
00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:48,770 [ <i>New Age music plays</i> ]
00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:55,443 {\an8}♪
00:03:55,443 --> 00:03:56,945 {\an8} <i>Oh, yeah ♪</i>
00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:59,113 {\an8}♪
00:03:59,113 --> 00:04:01,366 <i>I, I, I ♪</i>
00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:02,992 Oh.
00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:05,578 <i>Oh, yeah ♪</i>
00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:07,205 [ Water running ]
00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:09,499 Ooh. Oh, oh! Oh.
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:10,917 Ahhh!
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:13,044 Oh, oh! [ Chuckles ]
00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:16,172 [ Farts ]
00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:18,466 [ Farts ]
00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:20,343 [ Button beeps, water running ]
00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:22,470 Ohh! Oh.
00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:25,765 [ Button beeps, toilet flushes ]
00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:30,979 Okay, how much?
00:04:30,979 --> 00:04:34,399 Guys, I wanted to talk to you because I want you all
00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:36,859 to <i>think</i> about how we're viewed as a family.
00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:41,197 You know, as a prominent weed dealer, we are successful,
00:04:41,197 --> 00:04:43,825 and we're sort of looked up to in this town
00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:47,829 because we have nice things that most families can't afford.
00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:49,914 I mean, Stan, you're playing "Hogwarts Legacy"
00:04:49,914 --> 00:04:51,541 on PS5, right?
00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:53,626 <i>You're</i> playing "Hogwarts Legacy" on a PS5.
00:04:53,626 --> 00:04:56,087 Yeah, my-- my point is that most people in town
00:04:56,087 --> 00:04:57,672 don't even have a PS5.
00:04:57,672 --> 00:04:59,215 They still have PS4s,
00:04:59,215 --> 00:05:02,635 and so we're basically the Kennedys of South Park.
00:05:03,928 --> 00:05:07,056 And the plain fact is that well-off families
00:05:07,056 --> 00:05:08,474 have nice things,
00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:10,560 and we shouldn't be ashamed of that.
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,812 [ Doorbell rings ]
00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:18,276 <i>Hajimemashite. Japanese Torei des!</i>
00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:20,403 Uh, yes, thank you. Bring it on in.
00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:23,489 Delivery men: <i>Kyo fun yori! Kro fun yori!</i>
00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:28,494 <i>Kyo fun yori! Kro fun yori! Kro fun yori!</i>
00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:31,289 That's the new toilet? How much did it cost?
00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:33,958 Oh, Sharon. Tennish.
00:05:33,958 --> 00:05:36,502 What's tennish?
00:05:36,502 --> 00:05:38,713 Thousandish. Ten thousandish.
00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:41,924 You spent $10,000 on a toilet?!
00:05:41,924 --> 00:05:44,177 We don't have that kind of money, Randy!
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:45,470 Yeah, we do.
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,388 <i>Shitsurei Shimasu! Owarimashita.</i>
00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:49,265 Okay, yeah, right here? Okay.
00:05:49,265 --> 00:05:51,851 [ Boots clomping ]
00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:54,771 <i>Doomo! Aringanto gozaimashita!</i>
00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:56,606 Together: <i>Aringato gozaimashita!</i>
00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:58,066 K, thanks.
00:06:03,362 --> 00:06:05,782 You are taking that back to the store.
00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:07,116 Try it, Sharon.
00:06:07,116 --> 00:06:08,576 I don't need to, Randy. I want--
00:06:08,576 --> 00:06:10,203 Try it, Sharon!
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,789 [ <i>New Age music plays</i> ]
00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:17,668 {\an8}♪
00:06:17,668 --> 00:06:19,212 [ Button beeps ]
00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:21,297 <i>Oh, yeah ♪</i>
00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:23,132 Oh. Oh.
00:06:23,132 --> 00:06:24,509 <i>I, I, I ♪</i>
00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:26,886 Oh! Ohh!
00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,387 Ah-ha-ha!
00:06:28,387 --> 00:06:29,430 I wanna try it.
00:06:29,430 --> 00:06:30,640 Shhh!
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,016 Ah-ho-ho!
00:06:32,016 --> 00:06:34,310 Ohh!
00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:36,312 [ Bell rings ]
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:41,275 Oh, look, there he goes.
00:06:41,275 --> 00:06:42,985 It's Mr. Big Shot.
00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:46,572 Hey, Richie Rich. You eating caviar
00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:48,199 for lunch today, Richie Rich?
00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:55,164 Stan, just so you know, nobody gives a shit.
00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:58,417 About what?
00:06:58,417 --> 00:06:59,752 Come on, guys!
00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:04,966 Did you know some people can't even afford to <i>eat?</i>
00:07:04,966 --> 00:07:07,885 How about caring for something that matters, you bitch?
00:07:09,345 --> 00:07:10,763 What the fuck?
00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:13,474 Hey, Stan, you really have to be careful.
00:07:13,474 --> 00:07:15,059 Of what?
00:07:15,059 --> 00:07:17,103 Look, it's great that you come from a wealthy family,
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:19,230 but people don't like getting their noses rubbed in it.
00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:21,941 Dude, I haven't even said anything!
00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:23,818 Well, your dad called everyone last night
00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:26,070 and told them you have a $10,000 toilet.
00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:27,321 What?!
00:07:28,906 --> 00:07:31,492 Well, thanks for having us over for brunch, Randy.
00:07:31,492 --> 00:07:33,953 Yeah, what's the special occasion?
00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:37,165 Oh, you know, just good times with dear friends.
00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:39,417 Does anyone need to go to the bathroom?
00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:41,043 Uh, no, I'm-- I'm good.
00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:42,962 Oh, maybe some more coffee, then.
00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:45,339 Can you guys believe all the snow we've gotten?
00:07:45,339 --> 00:07:47,466 Yeah, maybe it will actually help with the drought.
00:07:47,466 --> 00:07:48,551 Let's hope so.
00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:52,054 Does anyone need a bathroom break?
00:07:52,054 --> 00:07:54,390 Well, actually, I-I think I could use the restroom.
00:07:54,390 --> 00:07:55,892 That was kind of a big breakfast.
00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:57,727 Oh! Oh, yeah, sure! It's, uh--
00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:58,728 It's right across the hallway.
00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:00,938 Right there.
00:08:05,818 --> 00:08:06,861 [ <i>New Age music plays</i> ]
00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:08,696 Butters' Dad: Oh.
00:08:08,696 --> 00:08:10,364 What was that?
00:08:10,364 --> 00:08:12,909 Oh, that's the welcome music for my Japanese toilet.
00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:15,286 I've heard of those. Aren't they expensive?
00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:16,746 Yeah, a bit.
00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:18,664 But for those of us who can afford it,
00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:20,166 it's well worth it.
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:22,084 Oh! Ohhh!
00:08:22,084 --> 00:08:24,295 Ohhhh!
00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:26,005 He's now turned on the rear jet,
00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:28,257 which cleans your bottom with warm water.
00:08:28,257 --> 00:08:29,634 Oh. Ohhh!
00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:31,928 Ah! That's the front washer
00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:34,430 that washes your balls, or vagina.
00:08:34,430 --> 00:08:36,849 [ Farts ]
00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:39,393 If you think about it, a dry piece of toilet paper
00:08:39,393 --> 00:08:42,021 can't clean you half as well as pressurized water.
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:43,689 I feel bad that most people have to walk around
00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:45,399 with fecal matter on their anus,
00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:46,859 but I'm just lucky
00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:48,819 I've sold enough weed to be able not to.
00:08:48,819 --> 00:08:51,489 But was it really luck? Or was it hard work?
00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:53,074 Heck, I don't know, but you know--
00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:54,700 Dad, can I talk to you?!
00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,702 Stan? You're back from school already?
00:08:56,702 --> 00:08:59,372 I need to talk to you right now!
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:00,581 The fuck are you doing?!
00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:02,041 Fuck are <i>you</i> doing?
00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:04,126 You need to stop gloating to everybody!
00:09:04,126 --> 00:09:05,795 I am not gloating.
00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:06,963 Yes, you are, and now kids at school
00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:09,215 are calling me Richie Rich!
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,758 They are?
00:09:10,758 --> 00:09:12,260 Nobody cares about your stupid toilet
00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:14,053 and you're acting like a jerk.
00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:18,099 <i>I'm</i> acting like a jerk because I'm trying to help people?!
00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:20,059 How are you trying to help people, Dad?
00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:23,479 Because the <i>people</i> don't know that these toilets are awesome,
00:09:23,479 --> 00:09:25,690 and I'm just, like, the well-respected guy
00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:28,484 who's trying to open people's eyes like JFK.
00:09:28,484 --> 00:09:31,570 You are <i>not</i> like JFK!
00:09:31,570 --> 00:09:33,030 You're just showing off!
00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:36,867 Nu-uh, I'm like JFK 'cause I am trying to change things!
00:09:36,867 --> 00:09:39,328 You're part of a very respected family, Stan.
00:09:39,328 --> 00:09:41,539 You should start acting like it.
00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:43,541 Okay, who's next?
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,337 [ <i>New Age music plays</i> ]
00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:49,672 {\an8}♪
00:09:49,672 --> 00:09:53,718 {\an8} <i>Oh, yeah ♪</i>
00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:55,177 {\an8} <i>I, I, I ♪</i>
00:09:55,177 --> 00:09:57,888 {\an8}♪
00:09:57,888 --> 00:10:02,768 <i>Atashi wa Heia des-u ♪</i>
00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:06,355 Randy singing along: <i>Toire ni iru kara ♪</i>
00:10:06,355 --> 00:10:07,273 Randy?
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:08,774 ♪ <i>Kimochi i</i> i ♪
00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:10,609 Randy! What?!
00:10:10,609 --> 00:10:14,155 Your proctologist is here to see you.
00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:16,032 My proctologist?
00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:17,408 <i>Atashi ♪</i>
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:19,952 Oh, hey there, Doc.
00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:22,246 Well, Randy Marsh, how are ya?
00:10:22,246 --> 00:10:24,123 I'm doing great. How are you?
00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:26,167 Wonderful! Just been super busy.
00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:29,170 I'm actually takin' the wife to Tuscany day after tomorrow.
00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:31,047 Tuscany? Wow. Awesome.
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:33,299 Yeah, well, Randy you haven't been in my office
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:35,009 for a few days, so I thought I'd come
00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:37,345 do a house call to help you with your hemorrhoids.
00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:39,347 Oh! No, Doctor.
00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:41,682 I haven't <i>needed</i> to come to your office.
00:10:41,682 --> 00:10:44,268 In fact, I don't think I'll be needing your services anymore
00:10:44,268 --> 00:10:46,854 since I've gotten a Japanese toilet.
00:10:46,854 --> 00:10:48,230 Oh-- Oh, really?
00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:50,232 It's completely changed my life.
00:10:50,232 --> 00:10:52,234 I'm healthier, I'm less stressed,
00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:55,071 and I don't get hemorrhoids 'cause I'm not smearing shit
00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:56,906 all over my ass with toilet paper.
00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:58,407 Huh.
00:10:58,407 --> 00:10:59,700 Here, here. You wanna come see it?!
00:11:00,659 --> 00:11:02,328 Go on, check it out.
00:11:08,042 --> 00:11:10,002 [ Beep, chime ]
00:11:10,002 --> 00:11:12,755 [ Whirring ]
00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:15,424 [ Doctor shouting, banging on toilet ]
00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:17,385 D-Dr. Sheltair?
00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:19,387 [ Shouting and banging continues ]
00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:21,722 Dr. Sheltair?!
00:11:21,722 --> 00:11:23,766 You stupid!
00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:26,352 You ruined Tuscany! Gah!
00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:27,978 Stop it! I hate you!
00:11:27,978 --> 00:11:30,314 I hate you! I hate you!
00:11:30,314 --> 00:11:32,483 Go on! Get out of here!
00:11:32,483 --> 00:11:33,943 How am I supposed to tell my wife
00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:36,654 we can't afford to go to Tuscany now?!
00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:39,990 I never realized you made so much money off my ass.
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:42,034 Go on. Get.
00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:43,661 Get!
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:49,125 [ Bell rings ]
00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:50,876 [ Murmuring ]
00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:55,047 Hey, Stan! Stan hold up!
00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:56,715 What?
00:11:56,715 --> 00:11:58,843 Well, um, you're just a really good friend, Stan,
00:11:58,843 --> 00:12:00,970 and-- and I was gonna ask if maybe
00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:02,680 I could borrow your plungercost?
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:05,141 What's a plungercost?
00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:07,893 when your toilet's nice as yours, Richie Rich!
00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:09,645 [ Laughter ]
00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:12,314 I did it! I called Stan Richie Rich, too!
00:12:12,314 --> 00:12:14,900 That was fun!
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:20,364 Stan, you've got to stop bragging about your toilet.
00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:22,199 I'm not bragging about my toilet!
00:12:22,199 --> 00:12:24,160 And why is it such a big deal anyway?
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:27,997 It's a big deal, Stan. You just don't understand why.
00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:34,420 Have you ever asked yourself why we use toilet paper?
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:37,756 We're told to wash our hands... wear masks in crowds...
00:12:37,756 --> 00:12:39,800 but for some reason, when it comes to wiping our ass,
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:42,803 we're told to do it with this little piece of paper.
00:12:42,803 --> 00:12:45,347 We are all-- all of us-- walking around right now
00:12:45,347 --> 00:12:48,225 with a little bit of shit smeared on our buttholes.
00:12:48,225 --> 00:12:50,102 Did you know that 70% of people in the world
00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:53,022 don't even use it at all?
00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:54,982 70% of the world doesn't use toilet paper?
00:12:54,982 --> 00:12:56,942 Look it up.
00:12:56,942 --> 00:12:59,570 Most people in the world still use good ol' soap and water.
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:02,448 The average American uses 140 rolls
00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:04,366 of toilet paper per year.
00:13:04,366 --> 00:13:06,952 Can you even begin to imagine how many trees that is?
00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:08,787 To supply the United States its toilet paper,
00:13:08,787 --> 00:13:13,626 it takes 31.1 million trees per year.
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,461 A million acres per year of precious
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:16,837 Canadian Boreal forest alone,
00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:19,632 releasing upwards of 25 metric tons of CO2
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:22,009 and leveling 90% of the land barren.
00:13:22,009 --> 00:13:24,637 So, then, why do Americans use it so much?
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,597 Well, that's the big question, isn't it?
00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:29,266 None of it makes any sense.
00:13:29,266 --> 00:13:31,393 Just tell your dad to stop.
00:13:31,393 --> 00:13:33,145 Americans don't want to change their toilets
00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:35,606 and they never will.
00:13:35,606 --> 00:13:38,651 Ladies and gentlemen, we have a public service announcement.
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:41,529 One of our citizens has asked to speak with you.
00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:44,448 Please welcome Mr. Randy S. Marsh.
00:13:44,448 --> 00:13:48,827 {\an8}♪
00:13:48,827 --> 00:13:51,789 Thank you, Mayor. Thank you, everyone.
00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:54,208 You know, the Marshes are a family that try to always
00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:55,918 lead by example.
00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:59,797 And we know that all of you appreciate that.
00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:04,677 Everyone deserves to be clean, and the truth is, you can be.
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:06,345 You might not be the Marshes,
00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:09,682 but you can afford a Japanese toilet.
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:12,518 Just not a really nice one like what we have.
00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:14,144 If you take into account the money
00:14:14,144 --> 00:14:17,439 we all spend on toilet paper, doctors, and hemorrhoid cream,
00:14:17,439 --> 00:14:21,819 a Japanese toilet pays for itself in just a few years.
00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:25,364 There are actually Japanese toilets made for commoners.
00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:27,908 Walmart and Amazon all carry the lower
00:14:27,908 --> 00:14:31,453 cost of shitty Japanese toilets that anyone can afford.
00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:33,289 There's even these like attachment thingies
00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:34,623 for your existing toilet
00:14:34,623 --> 00:14:37,167 which will make you feel like a Marsh yourself.
00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:39,587 They may not be Nihon No style-ru,
00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:42,256 but they are good enough for you guys.
00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:47,845 The point is-- even commoners don't need toilet paper anymore!
00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:50,472 And, so, I am suggesting that this town puts all--
00:14:50,472 --> 00:14:52,600 [ Gunshot ]
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,894 Man: Holy shit!
00:14:55,894 --> 00:14:57,813 Randy?! Wah!
00:14:57,813 --> 00:15:00,941 [ Screaming ]
00:15:04,820 --> 00:15:07,656 I'm sorry, but he's in critical condition.
00:15:07,656 --> 00:15:09,450 Who shot him?
00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:11,285 Nobody knows.
00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:13,203 Is he gonna be okay?
00:15:13,203 --> 00:15:14,705 He's in a coma.
00:15:14,705 --> 00:15:18,250 He's unconscious and just blabbering nonsense.
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:19,793 [ Monitor beeping ]
00:15:19,793 --> 00:15:24,548 <i>Bikkuri... Bikkurishita... Taiehn deshou...</i>
00:15:24,548 --> 00:15:27,801 Mr. Marsh, your whole family is here.
00:15:27,801 --> 00:15:30,721 Your wife, your daughter, and your son.
00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:33,349 <i>T-Toire Wa?</i>
00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:35,601 No, your toilet is back at the farm.
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:38,771 <i>Taihen ja naaaa....</i>
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:41,398 Dad, I'm sorry I yelled at you before.
00:15:41,398 --> 00:15:44,234 I didn't know you were really trying to help.
00:15:44,234 --> 00:15:47,821 <i>Kon-nichi waaa...</i>
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:53,452 - Stan, where are you going? - I let dad down once.
00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:55,621 Somebody has to pick up where he left off.
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:03,545 Harris: I promise we're doing all we can.
00:16:03,545 --> 00:16:04,922 I'm sorry for what happened,
00:16:04,922 --> 00:16:06,882 but you need to leave it to the professionals.
00:16:06,882 --> 00:16:08,884 There's something more going on here.
00:16:08,884 --> 00:16:11,220 I think my dad was on to something and I
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:13,305 didn't listen to him, and now he's in a hospital.
00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:14,723 We've already got a few leads
00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:16,475 and we're following up on all of them.
00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:19,603 I assure you we take this all very seriously.
00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:21,522 This isn't a joke to us.
00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:23,524 - Chief, hey, Chief! - Yeah?
00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:24,900 An angry proctologist walked in
00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:26,860 to the toilet section of Home Depot.
00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:28,737 [ Chuckles ] Y-Yeah?
00:16:28,737 --> 00:16:30,656 Proctologist says to the toilet manager,
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:32,574 "I ain't taking the fall," and pulls a gun
00:16:32,574 --> 00:16:34,243 on six Japanese delivery men.
00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:35,869 [ Chuckling ] Okay.
00:16:35,869 --> 00:16:37,663 So, then, the six Japanese delivery men show up,
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:39,540 and the proctologist has everyone held hostage
00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:41,041 and says he's not taking the fall
00:16:41,041 --> 00:16:43,335 for the Randy Marsh shooting.
00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:44,962 Oh, shit, this is actually happening?!
00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:46,880 Come on people let's go!
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,675 [ Radio chatter, siren chirps ]
00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,468 I ain't going down for this!
00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:55,013 You got that, coppers?! I didn't shoot anybody!
00:16:55,013 --> 00:16:56,265 But if I'm going down,
00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:58,767 I'll take these careless bastards out with me!
00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:00,561 Would you like some sparkling water or cham--
00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:02,688 [ Gasps ]
00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:04,189 Come on out.
00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:07,151 There's no other way, we have you surrounded.
00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:09,945 I didn't shoot Randy Marsh!
00:17:09,945 --> 00:17:12,740 <i>- Taihen!</i> - Nobody's saying you did!
00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:16,034 No, but they're gonna use me as their scapegoat!
00:17:16,034 --> 00:17:18,203 They'll fix things like they always do!
00:17:18,203 --> 00:17:20,330 - Who will? - They'll use their lawyers
00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:22,750 and their power to make it all go away!
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,960 Just like they did back when that 2nd grade kid
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:26,920 wrote a story in the school paper about toilets
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:28,213 two years ago!
00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:29,798 They'll take me out, too!
00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:31,300 [ Cocks gun ] There's no stopping them!
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,926 Don't do it!
00:17:32,926 --> 00:17:34,678 [ Gunshot ]
00:17:34,678 --> 00:17:36,638 <i>Sabishiiiii!</i>
00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:38,348 Aww! Alright move in!
00:17:38,348 --> 00:17:40,267 Secure the area.
00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:43,520 2nd grade kid two years ago...
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:45,981 Wrote about toilets in the school news paper.
00:17:49,818 --> 00:17:53,655 You weren't warning me about people getting upset.
00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:55,365 You know more about this.
00:17:57,785 --> 00:17:59,453 Hey!
00:17:59,453 --> 00:18:01,163 You wrote a story in the school paper
00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:02,581 and someone came after you!
00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:04,792 Yeah I wrote a story, big deal!
00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:07,086 Jimmy, I want to know who shot my dad!
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,087 They took everything from me, Stan.
00:18:09,087 --> 00:18:11,840 My bike... my cat...
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,425 They were gonna sue my parents
00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:15,385 for what I wrote in the school paper.
00:18:15,385 --> 00:18:18,972 You're talking about the toilet paper companies.
00:18:18,972 --> 00:18:21,850 Who has the most to lose? It's all toilet paper, Stan!
00:18:21,850 --> 00:18:25,604 Follow the money! 140 rolls per American per year.
00:18:25,604 --> 00:18:27,439 Factories pushing out roll after roll
00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:29,191 while razing Earth's resources.
00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:31,026 All of this for an unsanitary product
00:18:31,026 --> 00:18:33,320 that has been proven to contribute to anal fissures.
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:35,030 Don't you get it, man?
00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:38,534 Paper doesn't clean bacteria. It can't stop viruses.
00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:40,035 With all that information,
00:18:40,035 --> 00:18:41,495 you'd think the world health organization
00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:43,622 would do studies to find alternatives.
00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:45,207 So why don't they?
00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:47,334 Because toilet paper is an industry worth
00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:50,671 billions and b-billions of dollars.
00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:54,925 Kimberly-Clark, Georgia-Pacific, Procter & Gamble.
00:18:54,925 --> 00:18:57,511 They don't want Japanese toilets in America
00:18:57,511 --> 00:18:59,847 and they have the power to stop them,
00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:03,058 and to stop you.
00:19:03,058 --> 00:19:05,269 I can't believe they shot my dad...
00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:07,813 because he wanted to change things.
00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:11,441 These people have deeper pockets than you can possibly imagine.
00:19:11,441 --> 00:19:14,778 They can destroy everything you love, Stan.
00:19:14,778 --> 00:19:16,363 Take my advice...
00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:20,450 Don't. Squeeze. The Charmin.
00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:24,288 You might be too scared Jimmy, but I'm a Marsh.
00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:28,792 {\an8}♪
00:19:28,792 --> 00:19:30,502 My fellow Americans...
00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:32,462 we have been coerced and brain washed.
00:19:32,462 --> 00:19:34,006 While the rest of the world walks around
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:36,425 with cleaner buttholes, we are obsessed with dry paper
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:39,344 sold to us by billion-dollar corporations.
00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:42,598 - Yeah. - Hey, yeah, he's right!
00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:44,933 My father wanted everyone to see that there were alternatives.
00:19:44,933 --> 00:19:46,977 But they don't want him talking about alternatives!
00:19:46,977 --> 00:19:48,604 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yea!
00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:51,648 And we can't be blindly buying their products anymore.
00:19:51,648 --> 00:19:54,151 And as a town, we will find alternatives,
00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:55,444 and we will not be afraid to--
00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:57,905 Stop! Stop! We're not doing this!
00:19:57,905 --> 00:20:00,282 Dad! Everyone just stop, we're not doing this.
00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:02,492 Thank you. South Park, uh, we-we're cutting this short.
00:20:02,492 --> 00:20:04,786 I was totally wrong and I want to apologize.
00:20:04,786 --> 00:20:06,496 No, dad, it's the toilet paper companies
00:20:06,496 --> 00:20:08,123 that are behind all the--
00:20:08,123 --> 00:20:10,334 Yeah, so, uh, w-we have nothing against toilet paper.
00:20:10,334 --> 00:20:11,919 It's a great product and, uh,
00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:13,545 it was childish of me to make fun of it.
00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:15,172 Thanks, though. We'll see ya later.
00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:16,632 Dad, we can't just back down.
00:20:16,632 --> 00:20:19,009 Bro! I got fucking shot!
00:20:20,802 --> 00:20:22,596 Japanese toilets are totally unnecessary,
00:20:22,596 --> 00:20:24,306 and, uh, in case anyone else is listening,
00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:27,476 I think all of South Park would like to apologize.
00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:30,020 We retract what we said about toilet paper companies.
00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:33,482 They-- They have done nothing but help us, and we are sorry.
00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:36,818 South Park-- everyone-- say you're sorry.
00:20:36,818 --> 00:20:39,154 All: We're sorry.
00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:41,323 Okay, great. Come on, guys, let's go home.
00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:43,492 What about helping people and leading by example?
00:20:43,492 --> 00:20:45,661 We're not the Goddamn Kennedys, Stan.
00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:47,287 Stop being an idiot.
00:20:47,287 --> 00:21:12,312 {\an8}♪
00:21:12,312 --> 00:21:16,024 Nice to have you back, Ol' Blue.
00:21:16,024 --> 00:21:18,777 You know, guys, I'm actually not that sad.
00:21:18,777 --> 00:21:21,363 Having a Japanese toilet was great, but...
00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:23,198 I've come to realize that,
00:21:23,198 --> 00:21:25,784 when you have some big, nice luxury thing,
00:21:25,784 --> 00:21:27,703 it eventually just becomes normal.
00:21:27,703 --> 00:21:29,746 But you start comparing it to all the other things
00:21:29,746 --> 00:21:33,083 in your life which suddenly feel you have to upgrade, too.
00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:35,544 So, it's really best to just
00:21:35,544 --> 00:21:38,880 stick with the beat-up, crappy old things we have.
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:40,632 Love you forever, Honey.
00:21:40,632 --> 00:21:47,014 {\an8}♪
00:21:49,725 --> 00:22:18,837 {\an8}♪

00:00:00,946 --> 00:00:03,526 ПЕРСОНАЖИ И СОБЫТИЯ ВЫМЫШЛЕНЫ, ХОТЬ И НЕ ВСЕ. ГОЛОСА ЗНАМЕНИТОСТЕЙ СЫМИТИРОВАНЫ... ПЛОХО
00:00:03,526 --> 00:00:05,676 В ПРОГРАММЕ СОДЕРЖИТСЯ ГРЯЗНАЯ РУГАНЬ, НЕ РЕКОМЕНДУЕТСЯ К ПРОСМОТРУ ВООБЩЕ НИКОМУ
00:00:08,806 --> 00:00:11,806 <i>Соберу я свой рюкзак и поеду в Саус Парк.</i>
00:00:11,806 --> 00:00:15,376 <i>Дружелюбный здесь народ, благочестие цветёт.</i>
00:00:15,376 --> 00:00:18,496 <i>В Саус Парк ты приезжаешь и печали забываешь.</i>
00:00:18,496 --> 00:00:22,166 <i>Стоит только выйти в свет, все кричат: «Привет, сосед!».</i>
00:00:22,166 --> 00:00:25,336 <i>В Саус Парке не печалься, отдыхай и расслабляйся.</i>
00:00:28,616 --> 00:00:31,596 <i>В Саус Парке ждут тебя мои верные друзья.</i>
00:00:34,470 --> 00:00:37,107 ФЕРМЫ НАДЁЖНОСТИ
00:01:53,001 --> 00:01:55,401 ТОВАРЫ ДЛЯ ДОМА
00:01:55,426 --> 00:01:58,031 СКИДКА 5% НА КРЫШКИ ДЛЯ УНИТАЗОВ
00:02:33,891 --> 00:02:36,563 ЯПОНСКИЕ УНИТАЗЫ
00:04:30,432 --> 00:04:32,135 ФЕРМЫ НАДЁЖНОСТИ
00:05:15,316 --> 00:05:16,736 Прошу любить и жаловать.
00:05:20,460 --> 00:05:27,356 Раз, два, взяли! Раз, два, взяли! Раз, два, взяли! Раз, два, взяли!
00:05:45,299 --> 00:05:47,478 Принимайте работу. Мы закончили.
00:05:53,015 --> 00:05:55,226 Спасибо. Сердечно благодарим!
00:05:55,226 --> 00:05:56,772 Спасибо вам огромное!
00:06:35,083 --> 00:06:36,896 НАЧАЛЬНАЯ ШКОЛА САУС ПАРКА
00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:47,469 ФЕРМЫ НАДЁЖНОСТИ
00:10:02,473 --> 00:10:05,356 (Поёт по-японски)
00:11:46,667 --> 00:11:48,964 НАЧАЛЬНАЯ ШКОЛА САУС ПАРКА
00:14:59,614 --> 00:15:00,325 МЭРИЯ
00:15:00,575 --> 00:15:02,996 БОЛЬНИЦА «ВРАТА АДА»
00:15:18,940 --> 00:15:22,260 Меня застали врасплох.
00:15:22,346 --> 00:15:24,541 Как же тяжело.
00:15:31,156 --> 00:15:33,156 Т-туалет...
00:15:36,017 --> 00:15:38,376 Как без него тяжело.
00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:47,496 Добрый день...
00:15:59,778 --> 00:16:01,957 ПОЛИЦЕЙСКИЙ УЧАСТОК ОКРУГА ПАРК
00:16:47,317 --> 00:16:48,958 ТОВАРЫ ДЛЯ ДОМА
00:17:09,875 --> 00:17:10,789 Не стреляйте!
00:17:34,792 --> 00:17:36,792 Бедолага!
00:19:26,768 --> 00:19:28,958 МЭРИЯ
00:20:56,819 --> 00:20:58,999 ГОЛУБОЙ ДРУГ

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