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Ненаказуемый
The Ungroundable
Сезон: 12Серия: 14
Описание
Баттерс уверен, что видел вампира в школе, но не может заставить никого выслушать его. Тем временем дети готы сердиты, из-за того, что другие дети не видят различий между ними и вампирами. Баттерс становится вампиром.
Субтитры
- 00:00:06,670 --> 00:00:26,440 South Park S12E14 "Незаточимый"
- 00:00:26,440 --> 00:00:33,440 Перевод: Redcord, Твик Тайминг: Redcord, abodnya
- 00:00:35,792 --> 00:00:39,534 Пнятненько... А теперь компьютер покажет вам командную строку.
- 00:00:39,952 --> 00:00:44,725 Пнятненько... И мы вводим Х=1+1
- 00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:51,022 Так, а теперь вводим команду, чтобы увидеть экран меню.
- 00:00:51,773 --> 00:00:53,620 Блин, вы чё, шутите?
- 00:00:55,191 --> 00:00:56,590 Вашу мать, япошки везде!
- 00:00:57,489 --> 00:01:04,369 Пнятненько... Теперь правый клик на строке меню = 0 и введите "input 1".
- 00:01:04,870 --> 00:01:06,504 Стен, ты за америкосов?
- 00:01:06,792 --> 00:01:08,026 Не, я за японцев.
- 00:01:08,752 --> 00:01:09,972 Эй, кто меня только что замочил?
- 00:01:10,603 --> 00:01:17,917 Итак, посмотрим: правый клик наверху справа... Что ж тут такое написано?..
- 00:01:17,918 --> 00:01:24,303 Ладно, дети, мне надо тут кое-что прояснить, так что продолжайте вычисления, я скоро вернусь, пнятненько?
- 00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:28,914 Оу, чел, вот был бы у меня настоящий огнемёт - он здорово помогает против япошек.
- 00:01:30,498 --> 00:01:32,098 О Боже, о Боже!
- 00:01:33,571 --> 00:01:35,688 Стен, Стен, у нас большая проблема!
- 00:01:35,689 --> 00:01:36,624 Чё такое, чувак?
- 00:01:36,625 --> 00:01:38,389 В школе вампиры!
- 00:01:38,390 --> 00:01:39,017 Что?
- 00:01:39,018 --> 00:01:40,428 Вампиры! Я их видел!
- 00:01:40,429 --> 00:01:42,669 Блин, кто использует неразрешённый чит?
- 00:01:43,078 --> 00:01:44,348 Не чит, если напишешь god.
- 00:01:46,206 --> 00:01:47,942 Кенни! Там вампир на свободе.
- 00:01:48,203 --> 00:01:51,320 Пени Гомс тусовалась с ним, и теперь она тоже вампир!
- 00:01:51,321 --> 00:01:53,258 Баттерс, вампиров не бывает.
- 00:01:53,797 --> 00:01:55,886 Бывает! Пацаны, вы должны поверить мне.
- 00:01:55,887 --> 00:01:56,941 Сначала их было всего двое,
- 00:01:56,942 --> 00:01:59,818 но их всё больше! У них длинные клыки, они пьют кровь и всё такое!
- 00:02:00,330 --> 00:02:03,745 Хорошо, Баттерс, ты должен задокументировать их передвижения, чтобы мы знали об их намерениях.
- 00:02:04,326 --> 00:02:04,880 Правда?
- 00:02:04,881 --> 00:02:05,881 Вы думаете, так будет лучше?
- 00:02:06,450 --> 00:02:07,382 Ага, а теперь убирайся отсюда.
- 00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:08,318 Хорошо!
- 00:02:09,579 --> 00:02:12,486 Если я не вернусь, скажите моей маме, что со мной случилось.
- 00:02:14,473 --> 00:02:16,853 Оу, поимели тебя, Бебе, сучка японская.
- 00:02:21,084 --> 00:02:21,983 Разве не круто?
- 00:02:21,984 --> 00:02:23,912 В это время дня в спортзале никого.
- 00:02:23,913 --> 00:02:26,981 Нам нужно сделать это место оффициальной точкой слёта сауспарковых вампиров.
- 00:02:27,410 --> 00:02:30,099 Зашибенно, Майк, абсолютно круто!
- 00:02:30,100 --> 00:02:32,112 Не называй меня Майком, моё имя теперь Вампир.
- 00:02:32,113 --> 00:02:32,957 Круть.
- 00:02:32,958 --> 00:02:34,674 Я собираюсь сменить себе имя на Владимир.
- 00:02:34,675 --> 00:02:36,989 Ты не можешь - это слишком похоже на Вампир.
- 00:02:40,140 --> 00:02:43,760 12:32 пополудню. Вампиры встретились в школьном спортзале.
- 00:02:43,761 --> 00:02:45,721 Их лидер - пятиклассник.
- 00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,986 Знаешь Бэлу в сумерках?
- 00:02:47,987 --> 00:02:51,609 Я думаю, я - вампир-невидимка. Вам нравятся мои блёстки?
- 00:02:52,486 --> 00:02:54,562 Эни Партл - вампир-невидимка.
- 00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:03,934 Ага, я буду гибридным вампиром - невидимкой и кровососом.
- 00:03:04,753 --> 00:03:07,735 Это Райан Эллас кажется, он и до него добрались.
- 00:03:07,736 --> 00:03:10,932 - Время ланча. Как насчёт крови? - Да!
- 00:03:10,933 --> 00:03:13,715 Ага, настало время поесть.
- 00:03:16,612 --> 00:03:18,534 О Боже, я думаю сейчас они будут пить кровь!
- 00:03:18,982 --> 00:03:21,675 У них есть что-то вроде...
- 00:03:24,547 --> 00:03:29,971 Всеем привет! Это крутое шоу Баттерса! А вот и я - Баттерс!
- 00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:39,669 Как дела, ребята? Я - супер крутой Баттерс а это моя лошадь Тост.
- 00:03:41,152 --> 00:03:42,730 Эмм... ты что делаешь?
- 00:03:43,912 --> 00:03:45,267 Назад! Отойди!
- 00:03:46,638 --> 00:03:49,734 Заклинаю телом Христа!
- 00:03:56,146 --> 00:03:57,792 Этот пацан нас реально испугался.
- 00:03:57,793 --> 00:03:58,917 Это правда, Кровинка.
- 00:03:58,918 --> 00:04:03,189 Люди будут бояться нас, потому что они не понимают наши пути.
- 00:04:03,190 --> 00:04:04,495 Ага, мы круты.
- 00:04:08,541 --> 00:04:11,120 Что за хрень они творят?
- 00:04:11,121 --> 00:04:13,491 С чего это вдруг они все так оделись?
- 00:04:13,492 --> 00:04:15,093 Они пытаются быть готами?
- 00:04:15,451 --> 00:04:16,942 Нет, они вампиры.
- 00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:20,253 Они носят пластиковую хрень и пьют томатный сок.
- 00:04:21,108 --> 00:04:24,179 Но они не могут так одеваться, это же наш стиль!
- 00:04:24,939 --> 00:04:28,014 Эй, Томми Петрос хочет стать вампиром.
- 00:04:28,015 --> 00:04:29,450 Тони Петрос? Он крутой?
- 00:04:29,451 --> 00:04:30,658 Ага, он достаточно крут.
- 00:04:30,659 --> 00:04:31,472 Хорошо.
- 00:04:32,596 --> 00:04:36,881 Итак, чего это вы вдруг Джастины и Бритни решили одеваться как мы?
- 00:04:38,125 --> 00:04:41,679 Мы одеваемся как нам велит душа, чтобы выразить всю темноту...
- 00:04:42,551 --> 00:04:43,943 А ты не Майк Макальски?
- 00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:47,164 Теперь я - вампир Макальски.
- 00:04:47,886 --> 00:04:52,403 Вам ребят нужно прямо сейчас обратно одеть ваши шмотки аля "банановая республика"
- 00:04:52,890 --> 00:04:54,852 Да мы такие же тёмные, как и вы, может даже темнее.
- 00:04:55,521 --> 00:04:55,853 Правда?
- 00:04:55,854 --> 00:04:57,794 Вы хоть курите?
- 00:04:58,446 --> 00:05:00,368 Конечно нет - курение вредно.
- 00:05:00,369 --> 00:05:01,369 Да!
- 00:05:01,765 --> 00:05:02,990 О Боже...
- 00:05:03,563 --> 00:05:06,579 Знаете что, вы испускаете негативную человеческую энергию.
- 00:05:06,580 --> 00:05:08,729 Мы заберем нашу темноту для другого места, понятно?
- 00:05:09,319 --> 00:05:11,189 Ладно, граф Педрила, давай.
- 00:05:18,737 --> 00:05:21,963 Мам! Мам! Я должен тебе кое-что сказать! Ты не поверишь!
- 00:05:21,963 --> 00:05:26,349 Не сейчас, Баттерс, твой отец хочет поговорить с тобой на кухне. Он не доволен.
- 00:05:26,628 --> 00:05:28,440 О нет, что я на этот раз сделал?
- 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:30,691 Просто иди туда.
- 00:05:30,691 --> 00:05:32,174 О Господи.
- 00:05:36,491 --> 00:05:38,258 Видишь это, Баттерс?
- 00:05:38,075 --> 00:05:40,819 Это стакан молока, который я себе налил.
- 00:05:41,645 --> 00:05:42,873 Это видишь?
- 00:05:42,873 --> 00:05:44,777 Это Гамбургер-помощник.
- 00:05:46,522 --> 00:05:51,587 Может обьяснишь, что Гамбургер-помощник делает в этом стакане молока?
- 00:05:51,576 --> 00:05:55,101 Почему Гамбургер-помощник в этом стакане молока, Баттерс?
- 00:05:55,570 --> 00:05:57,352 Не знаю, сэр.
- 00:05:57,550 --> 00:06:02,373 Я тебе скажу, почему. Наши продукты расставлены в алфавитном порядке.
- 00:06:02,373 --> 00:06:07,210 Но кто-то поставил Гамбургера-помощника на место Нестле Квики <какао такое>
- 00:06:08,085 --> 00:06:13,118 Прости, пап, я недавно этим занимался. Видишь ли, в школе есть дети...
- 00:06:13,118 --> 00:06:15,309 Что обьединяет семью, Баттерс?
- 00:06:15,949 --> 00:06:17,872 Упорядоченные продукты.
- 00:06:17,872 --> 00:06:23,543 Если будешь неправильно расставлять еду, всё будет плохо.
- 00:06:23,543 --> 00:06:27,210 А теперь ты расставишь продукты и расставишь их правильно!
- 00:06:27,384 --> 00:06:31,534 Хорошо, пап, но ты должен меня выслушать: дети в школе меняются, они не...
- 00:06:31,534 --> 00:06:35,159 Или ты сейчас это делаешь или будешь наказан, ясно?
- 00:06:35,254 --> 00:06:36,739 Да, сэр.
- 00:06:39,491 --> 00:06:42,123 Господи, никто меня даже не выслушает.
- 00:06:42,692 --> 00:06:45,636 Как будто бы всем пофиг на вампиров в школе.
- 00:06:45,771 --> 00:06:48,354 Я пытаюсь помочь, а всё что получаю - наказание.
- 00:06:49,378 --> 00:06:51,900 Наверняка вампиров никогда не наказывают.
- 00:06:52,101 --> 00:06:54,820 Вампиры просто делают то, что им хочется...
- 00:07:00,035 --> 00:07:02,074 У всех смертных мягкая плоть.
- 00:07:02,226 --> 00:07:06,782 Моя душа настолько темна, настолько, что даже Хелс Кирсли не мог её вообразить.
- 00:07:07,305 --> 00:07:08,783 Что этот пацан делает?
- 00:07:10,089 --> 00:07:13,417 О Господи, о Боже, Баттерс, остановись, что ты делаешь?
- 00:07:24,292 --> 00:07:26,535 Я... я Баттерс.
- 00:07:27,592 --> 00:07:28,858 Ну?
- 00:07:30,439 --> 00:07:37,945 баттерс
- 00:07:39,791 --> 00:07:40,751 Что?
- 00:07:41,204 --> 00:07:43,850 Ну, я хочу быть вампиром.
- 00:07:44,841 --> 00:07:46,847 Ты не достаточно крут, чтобы быть одним из нас.
- 00:07:47,035 --> 00:07:53,855 Да, я знаю. Но может быть, я бы стал неплохим вампиром, если бы вы дали мне шанс.
- 00:07:54,730 --> 00:07:58,399 Мы подумаем. Принеси нам газировки из автомата.
- 00:07:58,399 --> 00:08:00,323 Да. Что-нибудь ещё?
- 00:08:00,323 --> 00:08:01,790 Я хочу немного Читос.
- 00:08:02,116 --> 00:08:04,400 Газировка и Читос, ага, я мигом.
- 00:08:11,799 --> 00:08:13,107 Где он?
- 00:08:13,317 --> 00:08:14,407 Ты видишь?
- 00:08:14,407 --> 00:08:16,754 Ага, вон там, рядом с этими вампирами.
- 00:08:19,008 --> 00:08:20,057 Что?!
- 00:08:20,380 --> 00:08:21,783 Эй, эй!
- 00:08:21,783 --> 00:08:24,870 Мы не вампиры, мы же готы, мать вашу.
- 00:08:25,178 --> 00:08:27,863 Какая разница, Дракула, превратись в летучую мышь или типа того.
- 00:08:28,664 --> 00:08:32,479 Отстой.
- 00:08:32,479 --> 00:08:37,306 Ребят, я не хочу чтобы нас путали с этими сраными вампирами.
- 00:08:37,752 --> 00:08:39,780 Такой отстой.
- 00:08:40,635 --> 00:08:43,736 Видишь? Разве тут сзади не круто? Так темно и одиноко.
- 00:08:43,736 --> 00:08:45,959 Будет классное место для встреч вампиров.
- 00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:48,837 Это наше место, говнюки.
- 00:08:49,666 --> 00:08:52,216 Все больше учеников становтся вампирами.
- 00:08:52,216 --> 00:08:54,506 Что за хрень происходит?
- 00:09:09,914 --> 00:09:11,513 Я сделал, что вы просили.
- 00:09:11,478 --> 00:09:14,011 Ящик Dr. Pepper и вишнёвые пирожки.
- 00:09:14,011 --> 00:09:17,509 Зачем вам это, в смысле, вампиры не могут есть человеческую еду.
- 00:09:17,746 --> 00:09:21,388 Ты хорошо поработал. Ты готов стать одним из нас?
- 00:09:22,275 --> 00:09:23,756 Ага, наверное.
- 00:09:23,811 --> 00:09:28,745 Ты уверен? Потому как если ты вступишь в сауспарковое общество вампиров, ты не сможешь уйти.
- 00:09:31,255 --> 00:09:35,802 Мне надоело, что меня третирует отец, дети в школе издеваются надо мной.
- 00:09:36,030 --> 00:09:38,907 Ну вот у тебя появился шанс покончить с этим.
- 00:09:39,505 --> 00:09:40,824 Начнём!
- 00:09:44,391 --> 00:09:46,498 Сюда. Приготовься.
- 00:10:12,583 --> 00:10:13,707 Ух ты!
- 00:10:13,707 --> 00:10:19,047 А теперь ты выпьешь вампирской крови и твоя инициализация будет завершена!
- 00:10:19,625 --> 00:10:21,134 "Clammato"
- 00:10:21,101 --> 00:10:23,177 Выпей, и трансформация завершится.
- 00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:27,326 Гадость какая!
- 00:10:28,821 --> 00:10:34,149 Всё. Добро пожаловать в сауспарковое общество вампиров, Баттерс.
- 00:10:47,758 --> 00:10:51,089 Вот ты где, Баттерс! Знаешь, который час, ты где был?
- 00:10:51,089 --> 00:10:53,287 Баттерс, что ты сделал со своими волосами?
- 00:10:53,426 --> 00:10:56,315 Эй! Баттерс, мы с тобой говорим!
- 00:10:56,701 --> 00:10:58,492 Обьяснись!
- 00:10:58,964 --> 00:11:02,574 Мне больше ничего не надо тебе обьяснять, отец.
- 00:11:02,574 --> 00:11:03,638 Что за?
- 00:11:03,638 --> 00:11:06,820 Всё, с меня хватит, ты наказан на 2 недели, понял?
- 00:11:07,338 --> 00:11:15,872 Вы не можете заточить меня, ибо я не живой, но и не мёртвый.
- 00:11:21,564 --> 00:11:22,700 Баттерс!
- 00:11:25,866 --> 00:11:27,633 Сейчас я иду в свою комнату.
- 00:11:27,633 --> 00:11:29,824 Так как я должен ???
- 00:11:37,323 --> 00:11:43,408 Ребята, я понимаю, что вам нравится быть "вампирами", но это не должно зайти слишком далеко.
- 00:11:43,408 --> 00:11:47,368 Вы, детки, должны понять, что ваша новая мода пугает многих.
- 00:11:49,749 --> 00:11:53,492 О мой Бог! Мы не те, кто вам нужен!
- 00:11:53,492 --> 00:11:56,022 Мы НЕ вампиры.
- 00:11:56,290 --> 00:12:03,203 Я знаю, что на самом деле вы не вампиры, и я ценю то, что вы пытаетесь быть крутыми, потому что быть вампиром - модно.
- 00:12:03,203 --> 00:12:04,804 Мы не пытаемся быть популярными!
- 00:12:04,804 --> 00:12:08,257 Но убедитесь, что это не будет вас отвлекать. (от учёбы)
- 00:12:08,332 --> 00:12:10,778 Вот еще парочка, директор Виктория, пнятненько.
- 00:12:10,778 --> 00:12:12,838 Вот блин, я не знал... у нас неприятности?
- 00:12:13,155 --> 00:12:15,719 Я только что говорила вашим друзьям, что ожидаю...
- 00:12:15,719 --> 00:12:18,469 Мы не друзья!
- 00:12:18,469 --> 00:12:25,567 Не волнуйтесь, мэм, я просто обьяснял новичкам, что вампиры глубоко духовные существа.
- 00:12:28,468 --> 00:12:30,898 Алсенд Маркс теперь тоже вампир?
- 00:12:30,898 --> 00:12:32,818 Этому нет конца!
- 00:12:32,983 --> 00:12:42,313 Смиримся - они украли наш стиль. Теперь все считают, что мы - сраные вампиры. Нам бы пойти в магаз и купить нормальную одежду.
- 00:12:47,007 --> 00:12:51,080 Ну зато хоть никто нас не назовёт вампирами.
- 00:12:53,659 --> 00:12:55,098 Он сюда укатился?
- 00:12:55,098 --> 00:12:59,959 Ага, вон там, рядом с толстой девочкой, большеносым, карликом и чуваком с чёлкой на лице.
- 00:13:02,919 --> 00:13:04,898 С чем боролись, на то и напоролись.
- 00:13:04,741 --> 00:13:05,690 Пиз*ец!
- 00:13:06,737 --> 00:13:09,105 Давайте переоденем эти тупые шмотки.
- 00:13:16,888 --> 00:13:20,082 Прости, Эрик, но я теперь вампир.
- 00:13:20,082 --> 00:13:22,826 И я больше не могу питаться человеческой пищей.
- 00:13:23,172 --> 00:13:28,221 Так что кто-то должен умереть, чтобы я мог насытиться. Я выбрал тебя.
- 00:13:34,542 --> 00:13:37,749 Как же мне это сделать? А, не важно.
- 00:13:42,177 --> 00:13:42,991 Баттерс...
- 00:13:44,102 --> 00:13:45,256 Баттерс!
- 00:13:45,503 --> 00:13:49,086 Я не могу... я не могу..
- 00:13:49,014 --> 00:13:53,185 Блин, фу, обслюнявил мне всю шею! Маам!
- 00:13:53,185 --> 00:13:56,730 Я был так голоден, но потом вспомнил, какова на вкус кровь
- 00:13:56,754 --> 00:13:59,722 Она была такой противной, я от неё...
- 00:14:01,659 --> 00:14:02,363 Блин!
- 00:14:02,684 --> 00:14:03,942 Ты в порядке, поросёночек?
- 00:14:11,121 --> 00:14:12,226 В чём дело?
- 00:14:12,757 --> 00:14:18,912 Ну, мам, очевидно, что Баттерс - гей, находит меня очень привлекательным. Он неправильно подумал о моей сексуальной ориентации и обблевал весь пол.
- 00:14:19,078 --> 00:14:19,828 О Боже мой!
- 00:14:20,172 --> 00:14:21,076 Да.
- 00:14:26,294 --> 00:14:28,122 Я был в столовой сегодня.
- 00:14:28,261 --> 00:14:34,621 Ребекка Миллер и Филипп Раск оделись как вампиры и пили томатный сок с четырьмя чуваками из футбольной команды.
- 00:14:34,827 --> 00:14:35,811 Господи!
- 00:14:35,971 --> 00:14:39,402 Как будто.. этих вампиров становится всё больше с каждым днём.
- 00:14:39,402 --> 00:14:42,324 Почему это происходит?... То есть, почему сейчас?
- 00:14:42,324 --> 00:14:48,595 Не важно почему... Очень скоро все в школе станут кончеными конформистскими вампирами.
- 00:14:48,595 --> 00:14:54,417 Вроде тот чувак Майк Макальски всю кашу заварил. Может с его помощью, всё остановится.
- 00:14:54,465 --> 00:14:55,610 Ты о чём?
- 00:14:55,588 --> 00:15:01,097 Вот что: что нужно, чтобы превратить вампира обратно, в нормальное состояние?
- 00:15:01,578 --> 00:15:04,242 Избавиться от лидера вампиров.
- 00:15:11,388 --> 00:15:13,317 Твоя мама знает, что мы взяли её машину?
- 00:15:13,659 --> 00:15:15,124 А меня это волнует?
- 00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:18,006 Ладно, вроде хватит.
- 00:15:18,161 --> 00:15:19,512 Ага, притормози здесь.
- 00:15:26,064 --> 00:15:29,352 Пожалуйста! Что вам нужно! Пустите меня!
- 00:15:30,908 --> 00:15:31,948 Что же нам делать?
- 00:15:32,636 --> 00:15:36,245 Ну, если он - вампир, стало быть надо вонзить осиновый кол ему в сердце.
- 00:15:37,063 --> 00:15:41,264 Нет! Я не вампир! Не вампир я!
- 00:15:41,252 --> 00:15:42,105 Я что-то слышу?
- 00:15:42,105 --> 00:15:44,308 Я не настоящий вампир!
- 00:15:44,124 --> 00:15:45,805 Ты не настоящий вампир?
- 00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:46,951 Правда?
- 00:15:46,951 --> 00:15:48,744 Я так, блин, шокирован.
- 00:15:50,850 --> 00:15:54,297 Если мы запихнём его в мешок, то сможем увезти куда-нибудь далеко.
- 00:15:54,790 --> 00:15:56,718 Как насчёт того, чтобы отправить его в Трансильванию?
- 00:15:57,473 --> 00:16:01,036 Не, не пойдёт, он там будет хвастаться перед своими дружками-вампирами.
- 00:16:01,184 --> 00:16:06,359 Если мы его куда-то отсылаем, это должно быть самое ужасное место на земле.
- 00:16:09,214 --> 00:16:10,306 Скотсдейл.
- 00:16:15,737 --> 00:16:18,796 Баттерс! Нам только что позвонила миссис Картман!
- 00:16:19,416 --> 00:16:23,016 Баттерс?.. Невероятно, он запер дверь!
- 00:16:23,848 --> 00:16:29,219 Баттерс, это твой отец! Обьясни, зачем ты прокрался в спальню к другому мальчику и поцеловал его!
- 00:16:30,141 --> 00:16:30,901 Баттерс?
- 00:16:32,293 --> 00:16:34,664 Баттерс! Открой дверь сейчас же!
- 00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:37,956 Что.. я.. сделал.. с.. собой..
- 00:16:38,075 --> 00:16:41,012 Я должен был знать, что мне придётся голодать, если я стану вампиром.
- 00:16:41,945 --> 00:16:43,520 Я так голоден.
- 00:16:43,698 --> 00:16:46,441 Баттерс, у тебя 5 секунд, чтобы открыть эту дверь!
- 00:16:46,893 --> 00:16:48,480 1... 2...
- 00:17:00,002 --> 00:17:01,478 Баттерс?
- 00:17:01,604 --> 00:17:02,345 Привет, пап.
- 00:17:04,235 --> 00:17:07,348 Баттерс! Ты что, гомосячил с одним из своих одноклассников ночью?
- 00:17:07,348 --> 00:17:11,195 Мне пришлось, но я не смог этого сделать.. Я становлюсь слабым.
- 00:17:11,195 --> 00:17:19,953 Так, заруби себе на носу: пока не прекратишь себя так вести, не выйдешь из этой комнаты, понял?
- 00:17:27,106 --> 00:17:28,636 Я знаю, что я должен сделать!
- 00:17:32,246 --> 00:17:35,395 Стивен! Что случилось с нашим мальчиком?
- 00:17:35,482 --> 00:17:37,513 Он стал чем-то, Линда...
- 00:17:38,206 --> 00:17:41,782 Чем-то, что мы не можем наказать.
- 00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:52,486 До. меня. не. доходит.
- 00:17:52,624 --> 00:17:59,070 Мы послали главного вампира в Скотсдейл, но все равно всё больше и больше детей стали одеваться, как вампиры.
- 00:17:59,070 --> 00:18:02,676 Это скорее всего не из-зи него, а из-за чего-то другого.
- 00:18:02,769 --> 00:18:06,490 Эй, дети, вы собираетесь заказать еду, или так всю ночь за кофе просидите?
- 00:18:06,490 --> 00:18:07,911 Отстань от нас.
- 00:18:07,830 --> 00:18:12,903 Мало мне вас, готов, так вон, у меня теперь еще целая секция с готами.
- 00:18:16,006 --> 00:18:18,922 Они не готы! Они - долбанные вампиры!
- 00:18:19,462 --> 00:18:20,818 По мне так - одно и тоже.
- 00:18:21,008 --> 00:18:23,102 Наверняка они даже не пьют кофе.
- 00:18:23,362 --> 00:18:27,115 Нет, они сказали, что слишком молоды, чтобы пить кофе, поэтому они заказали апельсиновый сок.
- 00:18:30,544 --> 00:18:35,279 Давайте подойдём к ним и скажем, что
- 00:18:35,462 --> 00:18:40,679 Забудь. Всё кончено, ясно? Их слишком много, их не остановить.
- 00:18:41,066 --> 00:18:44,439 Смиримся - грёбаные вампиры победили нас.
- 00:18:45,296 --> 00:18:46,415 А может и нет.
- 00:18:47,929 --> 00:18:53,069 Вы говорили, что хотите избавиться от вампиров? Я хочу помочь вам.
- 00:18:53,390 --> 00:18:54,637 Отвали, говнюк.
- 00:18:54,637 --> 00:19:01,205 Некоторые религии утверждают, что если уничтожить лидера вампиров, они снова становятся людьми.
- 00:19:01,205 --> 00:19:02,655 Ты о чём?
- 00:19:02,506 --> 00:19:07,870 Я могу отвести вас туда, где из детей делают вампиров.
- 00:19:12,776 --> 00:19:15,581 О, Hot Topic, когда он открылся?
- 00:19:15,581 --> 00:19:19,753 2 недели назад. Это была банановая республика.
- 00:19:20,077 --> 00:19:24,208 Точняк. Долбаный Hot Topic. Это всё обьясняет.
- 00:19:24,208 --> 00:19:28,714 Как же мы до этого не допёрли? Естественно, новый Hot Topic открылся в городе.
- 00:19:29,632 --> 00:19:32,362 Ну, я думаю, мы все знаем, что делать.
- 00:19:32,875 --> 00:19:33,421 Ага.
- 00:19:33,526 --> 00:19:35,104 Начнём.
- 00:19:49,114 --> 00:19:51,205 Эй, ты что делаешь?
- 00:19:51,458 --> 00:19:52,998 Вам, возможно, следует уйти.
- 00:19:59,518 --> 00:20:01,896 На этой неделе специальная скидка 25%!
- 00:20:01,826 --> 00:20:03,627 Что они творят?
- 00:20:03,855 --> 00:20:05,556 Они поджигают магазин!
- 00:20:17,997 --> 00:20:21,124 Мам, пап! Я вернулся!
- 00:20:21,230 --> 00:20:22,038 Что?
- 00:20:22,163 --> 00:20:31,812 Готы спалили Hot Topic, а потом я сьел хот дог и он был очень вкусный! А потом мои клыки выпали. Я снова человек!
- 00:20:32,097 --> 00:20:35,816 Я без понятия, о чём ты говоришь, Баттерс, но мы рады, что ты дома.
- 00:20:36,124 --> 00:20:39,088 Это так, сын. Меня только волнует одна вещь
- 00:20:39,088 --> 00:20:40,181 Что это, пап?
- 00:20:40,181 --> 00:20:44,489 Может обьяснишь, что делают рисомакароны в моём кофе?
- 00:20:46,648 --> 00:20:49,006 Баттерс, ты наказан!
- 00:20:49,006 --> 00:20:50,597 А, чтоб тебя.
- 00:20:52,700 --> 00:20:53,934 Сработало, Линда.
- 00:20:54,406 --> 00:20:56,631 Наш сын снова наказуем.
- 00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:01,680 Уважаемые ученики.
- 00:21:01,808 --> 00:21:10,100 В течение последней недели произошла страшная путаница, поэтому мы собрали вас, чтобы обьяснить, какая разница между готами и вампирами.
- 00:21:10,617 --> 00:21:12,579 Скажу прямо и чётко:
- 00:21:12,569 --> 00:21:18,464 Если ты ненавидишь жизнь, солнце и не можешь без курения и кофе, ты - гот.
- 00:21:19,152 --> 00:21:31,545 Однако, если вам нравится одеваться в чёрное, потому что это "весело", вам нравится клеить блестяшки на своё тело и вы избегаете всего, что может повредить вашему здоровью, тогда вы скорее всего тупая вампирюга.
- 00:21:31,716 --> 00:21:36,243 Потому что те, кто считают их настоящими вампирами - ужасные тупари.
- 00:21:41,352 --> 00:21:42,241 Вы все.
- 00:00:08,575 --> 00:00:09,809 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,877 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:00:11,912 --> 00:00:13,546 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:00:13,580 --> 00:00:15,214 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:00:15,248 --> 00:00:16,449 ♪ Going down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:16,483 --> 00:00:18,517 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:20,152 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:21,721 ♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪
- 00:00:21,755 --> 00:00:23,089 ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
- 00:00:23,123 --> 00:00:25,124 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:00:25,158 --> 00:00:28,361 ♪ ( mumbling ) ♪
- 00:00:28,395 --> 00:00:29,929 ♪ Come on down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:29,963 --> 00:00:31,297 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,768 ( school bell ringing )
- 00:00:35,802 --> 00:00:40,439 M'kay, so now the computer will show a command bar.
- 00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:45,411 M'kay, and we type in X=Y+1 .
- 00:00:45,445 --> 00:00:48,814 M'kay, and then it says we hit "command Y"
- 00:00:48,849 --> 00:00:51,650 to bring up the menu screen.
- 00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:55,020 Oh, man, you've got to be kidding me.
- 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:57,757 Goddamn Japs are everywhere.
- 00:00:57,791 --> 00:01:02,027 M'kay, now, right-click on menu item "equate all"
- 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:04,930 and type in "input 'Y."'
- 00:01:04,965 --> 00:01:06,766 Oh, dude, are you on America's side, Stan ?
- 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:08,701 No, I'm on the Japanese side.
- 00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:10,836 Oh, who just shot me ?!
- 00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:12,605 M'kay, let's see, uh...
- 00:01:12,639 --> 00:01:15,641 The right click is the upper right...
- 00:01:15,675 --> 00:01:18,511 Uh... but then what the hell is...
- 00:01:18,545 --> 00:01:20,780 M'kay, kids, I'm gonna need to get some clarification on this.
- 00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:22,882 Just keep entering the calculations.
- 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,116 I'll be right back, m'kay.
- 00:01:25,652 --> 00:01:27,753 Oh, dude, I wish I had a real flamethrower !
- 00:01:27,788 --> 00:01:29,054 It works awesome on Japs !
- 00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:32,224 Oh my God ! Oh my God !
- 00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:35,895 Stan...Stan, we have a big problem !
- 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:36,929 Dude, what ?
- 00:01:36,963 --> 00:01:38,764 There's vampires in the school !
- 00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:39,331 What ?
- 00:01:39,366 --> 00:01:40,533 Vampires-- I've seen 'em !
- 00:01:40,567 --> 00:01:43,002 Dude, aw, who's using the flak-jacket cheat ?!
- 00:01:43,036 --> 00:01:44,870 Not a cheat if you rank up !
- 00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:46,372 Uh !
- 00:01:46,406 --> 00:01:48,374 Kenny, there's a vampire on the loose !
- 00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:49,942 Then Katie Gelson was hanging out with him
- 00:01:49,976 --> 00:01:51,777 and now she's a vampire too !
- 00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:53,879 Butters, there's no such thing as vampires.
- 00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:54,880 But there is !
- 00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:56,148 You guys gotta believe me !
- 00:01:56,183 --> 00:01:57,116 First, there was just a couple
- 00:01:57,150 --> 00:01:58,484 but now it's like they're growing.
- 00:01:58,518 --> 00:02:00,486 They have fangs and drink blood and everything !
- 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:02,421 All right, Butters, well, you go document the vampires' movements
- 00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:04,490 so we know what their intentions are.
- 00:02:04,524 --> 00:02:06,592 Really, you think that's best ?
- 00:02:06,626 --> 00:02:08,093 Yeah, now get outta here.
- 00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:09,929 All right !
- 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:11,230 If I don't make it back,
- 00:02:11,264 --> 00:02:13,132 tell my Mom what happened to me.
- 00:02:14,734 --> 00:02:17,002 Oh, ho, you got powned, Bebe, you jap bitch !
- 00:02:21,208 --> 00:02:22,308 Isn't this cool ?
- 00:02:22,342 --> 00:02:24,043 This time of day nobody's in the gym.
- 00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:25,511 We should make this one of our official
- 00:02:25,545 --> 00:02:27,480 South Park vampire's club hangouts.
- 00:02:27,514 --> 00:02:29,081 That's an awesome new coat, Mike.
- 00:02:29,115 --> 00:02:29,915 Looks totally badass.
- 00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:31,083 Don't call me Mike.
- 00:02:31,117 --> 00:02:32,384 My name is Vampir now.
- 00:02:32,419 --> 00:02:33,419 Oh, that's cool.
- 00:02:33,453 --> 00:02:35,054 I'm gonna change my name to Vladimir !
- 00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:37,089 You can't, it's too close to Vampir.
- 00:02:40,193 --> 00:02:43,963 12:32 p.m.: Vampires meeting in the school gymnasium...
- 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:46,365 Leader appears to be a fifth-grader...
- 00:02:46,399 --> 00:02:48,234 You know that girl Bella in Twilight ?
- 00:02:48,268 --> 00:02:50,503 I think I'm like her-- I'm a psi-vampire.
- 00:02:50,537 --> 00:02:52,438 Do you like these sparkles I got ?
- 00:02:52,472 --> 00:02:55,107 Annie Bartlet is a psi-vampire...
- 00:02:55,141 --> 00:02:57,209 Yeah, I'm more a sanguinarian vampire,
- 00:02:57,244 --> 00:02:59,979 in that I rely more on the life-force energy, per se.
- 00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,147 Yeah, I'm gonna be a hybrid vampire.
- 00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:04,750 Both psi and sanguinarian.
- 00:03:04,784 --> 00:03:06,051 That's Ryan Ellis.
- 00:03:06,086 --> 00:03:07,820 Looks like they've gotten to him too !
- 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:08,754 Lunch time's almost over--
- 00:03:08,788 --> 00:03:10,055 should we drink some more blood ?
- 00:03:10,090 --> 00:03:11,156 - Cool ! - Yeah !
- 00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:12,224 Yeah, and then I think
- 00:03:12,259 --> 00:03:14,627 it's time for us to feed, per se.
- 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,998 Oh, God, I think they're gonna drink blood now !
- 00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,933 They've got some kind of chalice and they're--
- 00:03:20,967 --> 00:03:22,735 ( click - click )
- 00:03:24,504 --> 00:03:25,304 ( loud playback ) ♪ Da-da da-daaaa ♪
- 00:03:25,338 --> 00:03:27,806 It's the Big Texas Butters Show !
- 00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:30,576 And now here he is, Big Texas Butters !
- 00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:32,044 Why, howdy there, partners !
- 00:03:32,078 --> 00:03:33,846 I'm Big Texas Butters,
- 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,581 and this is my horse, Toast !
- 00:03:35,615 --> 00:03:38,617 ♪ Happy trails to you... ♪
- 00:03:38,652 --> 00:03:39,785 ( click )
- 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:41,320 Ahahghgh !
- 00:03:41,354 --> 00:03:43,889 Um, what are you doing ?
- 00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:44,490 Get back !
- 00:03:44,524 --> 00:03:45,524 You stay back !
- 00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:46,759 Agh-- wagh !
- 00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:50,863 The body of Christ compels you !
- 00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:52,431 Ahh !
- 00:03:52,832 --> 00:03:54,066 ( school bell ringing )
- 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,203 That kid was really scared of us.
- 00:03:58,238 --> 00:03:59,405 That's true, Bloodrayne,
- 00:03:59,439 --> 00:04:00,940 people are going to be frightened of us
- 00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:03,576 because they don't understand our ways, per se.
- 00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:05,210 Yeah, we're cool, huh !
- 00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:11,650 What the hell are those kids doing ?
- 00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:13,953 Why are they dressing like that all of a sudden ?
- 00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:15,688 Are they trying to be goth ?
- 00:04:15,722 --> 00:04:17,456 No, they're vamp.
- 00:04:17,490 --> 00:04:18,791 They wear plastic fangs
- 00:04:18,825 --> 00:04:21,193 and drink freakin' clamato juice.
- 00:04:21,227 --> 00:04:23,062 But they can't dress like that.
- 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,097 That's our style !
- 00:04:25,131 --> 00:04:26,532 Hey, Tommy Petros is thinking
- 00:04:26,566 --> 00:04:28,367 he might wanna be a vamp kid too.
- 00:04:28,401 --> 00:04:30,002 Tommy Petros, is he cool ?
- 00:04:30,036 --> 00:04:31,070 Yeah, he's cool enough.
- 00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:32,871 All right.
- 00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:34,073 So all of a sudden
- 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,608 you Justin and Britney wannabes
- 00:04:35,642 --> 00:04:38,644 think it's cool to dress like us ?
- 00:04:38,678 --> 00:04:40,179 We dress the way our souls feel.
- 00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:42,481 To express the darkness, per se.
- 00:04:42,515 --> 00:04:44,249 Aren't you Mike Mckowski ?
- 00:04:45,318 --> 00:04:47,920 That's Vampir Mckowski now.
- 00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:49,922 You kids need to all go put your freaking
- 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:53,058 Banana Republic clothes back on right now.
- 00:04:53,093 --> 00:04:54,526 Hey, we're just as dark as you guys.
- 00:04:54,561 --> 00:04:55,861 Maybe darker !
- 00:04:55,895 --> 00:04:58,631 Really... do you guys even smoke ?
- 00:04:58,665 --> 00:05:00,799 Of course not, smoking's bad for you.
- 00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:02,134 [All]: Yeah !
- 00:05:02,168 --> 00:05:03,902 Oh, my God.
- 00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:05,337 You know, you guys are really giving off
- 00:05:05,372 --> 00:05:06,872 a negative human energy.
- 00:05:06,906 --> 00:05:09,541 We prefer to take our darkness somewhere else, per se.
- 00:05:09,576 --> 00:05:11,543 All right, Count Fagula, you go do that.
- 00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:20,886 Mom, Mom, I gotta tell you something !
- 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:22,154 You're not gonna believe it !
- 00:05:22,188 --> 00:05:23,789 Not now, Butters, your father wants to
- 00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:25,157 have a talk with you in the kitchen.
- 00:05:25,191 --> 00:05:26,992 He is not happy.
- 00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:28,961 Oh, no, what'd I do this time ?
- 00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:31,030 You just march on in there.
- 00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:32,398 Oh, jeez...
- 00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:38,671 You see this, Butters ?
- 00:05:38,705 --> 00:05:41,707 It's a glass of milk I poured for myself.
- 00:05:41,741 --> 00:05:43,375 And you see this ?
- 00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:45,210 It's Hamburger Helper.
- 00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:49,448 Now, would you mind telling me what Hamburger Helper
- 00:05:49,482 --> 00:05:52,017 is doing in this glass of milk ?
- 00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:55,521 Why is Hamburger Helper in a glass of milk, Butters ?
- 00:05:55,555 --> 00:05:57,489 I have no idea, Sir.
- 00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:59,058 I'll tell you why !
- 00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:02,561 Our pantry is always kept organized alphabetically.
- 00:06:02,595 --> 00:06:05,130 But somebody put the Hamburger Helper
- 00:06:05,165 --> 00:06:07,966 where the Nestle Quick is supposed to go !
- 00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:09,735 I'm sorry, Dad.
- 00:06:09,769 --> 00:06:11,670 It's just I've been really preoccupied lately !
- 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:12,938 See, there's these kids at school that--
- 00:06:12,972 --> 00:06:15,040 What keeps a family together, Butters ?!
- 00:06:16,342 --> 00:06:18,010 A well-organized pantry.
- 00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:19,378 That's right !
- 00:06:19,412 --> 00:06:21,814 If you keep putting food back under the wrong letter,
- 00:06:21,848 --> 00:06:23,682 it all goes wrong !
- 00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,684 Now you will reorganize this entire pantry
- 00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,619 and you will do it right !
- 00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:29,488 Okay, but, Dad, you gotta listen to me.
- 00:06:29,522 --> 00:06:31,156 Kids at school are starting to change !
- 00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:32,658 - They've been-- - You do it right now
- 00:06:32,692 --> 00:06:35,494 or you're going to be grounded, you got that ?
- 00:06:35,528 --> 00:06:37,196 Yes, Sir...
- 00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:42,801 Jeez, nobody will even listen to me.
- 00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:44,136 It's like nobody even cares
- 00:06:44,170 --> 00:06:46,205 that there's vampires at the school.
- 00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:47,539 I try to help and all I ever do
- 00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,808 is get hollered at.
- 00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:52,578 I'll bet vampires never get hollered at.
- 00:06:52,612 --> 00:06:54,913 Vampires just get to do whatever they want.
- 00:06:58,017 --> 00:07:00,152 ( school bell ringing )
- 00:07:00,186 --> 00:07:01,987 "All mortals share a soft repose,
- 00:07:02,021 --> 00:07:04,389 "my soul doth dreadful vigils keep,
- 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:07,526 more keen than which hell scarcely knows."
- 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:08,961 What is that kid doing ?
- 00:07:10,497 --> 00:07:12,297 Oh, Jesus, oh, God.
- 00:07:12,332 --> 00:07:14,133 Butters, what are you doing ?
- 00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:26,211 I... I'm Butters.
- 00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:30,549 So ?
- 00:07:30,583 --> 00:07:31,617 Oh, creatures of the night,
- 00:07:31,651 --> 00:07:33,285 I seek audience to engage with thee
- 00:07:33,319 --> 00:07:36,522 in unholy darkness and thus do...
- 00:07:36,556 --> 00:07:40,092 And thus do unto your bidding !
- 00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:41,293 What ?
- 00:07:41,327 --> 00:07:45,030 Oh, I wanna be a vampire.
- 00:07:45,064 --> 00:07:47,266 You're not cool enough to be one of us.
- 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:49,201 Yeah, I know, but, uh...
- 00:07:49,235 --> 00:07:51,003 I think I would make a really good vampire
- 00:07:51,037 --> 00:07:52,437 if you just...
- 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,907 just give me the opportunity.
- 00:07:54,941 --> 00:07:56,141 We'll think about it.
- 00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:58,644 Go get us some sodas out of the pop machine in the commons.
- 00:07:58,678 --> 00:08:00,712 Yes, yes, anything else ?
- 00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:02,214 I want some Cheetos.
- 00:08:02,248 --> 00:08:04,149 Soda and Cheetos-- yes, I'll be right back !
- 00:08:05,718 --> 00:08:08,453 ♪ I'm not part of your society ♪
- 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:11,990 ♪ I don't follow your fads and rules... ♪
- 00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:13,625 ( kid ) Where'd it go ?
- 00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:14,560 You see where it went ?
- 00:08:14,594 --> 00:08:16,628 Yeah, it's right over there by those vampire kids.
- 00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:20,666 What ?
- 00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:21,900 Hey ! Hey !
- 00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:23,468 We aren't vampire kids.
- 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,604 We're freaking goth !
- 00:08:25,638 --> 00:08:28,841 Whatever, Dracula. Why don't you turn into a bat or something ?
- 00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:30,542 So lame.
- 00:08:30,577 --> 00:08:32,778 So... lame.
- 00:08:32,812 --> 00:08:34,947 You guys-- I do not want to be grouped in
- 00:08:34,981 --> 00:08:37,616 with douchy little vampire kids.
- 00:08:37,650 --> 00:08:40,886 So lame.
- 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:42,387 See, isn't it cool back here ?
- 00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:43,889 It's all dark and isolated !
- 00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:46,158 This would be a great place for a vampire meeting !
- 00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:49,928 Get out of our space, you little twerps !
- 00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:51,230 More preppy straight-"A" students
- 00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:52,698 turning into vampires.
- 00:08:52,732 --> 00:08:54,399 What the hell is going on ?
- 00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:58,403 ( wolf howling )
- 00:09:10,149 --> 00:09:11,817 I've done what you've asked.
- 00:09:11,851 --> 00:09:14,219 A case of Dr. Pepper and cherry Twizzlers.
- 00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:15,487 Who are you gonna give this to ?
- 00:09:15,521 --> 00:09:17,756 I mean, vampires can't eat people food.
- 00:09:17,790 --> 00:09:18,957 You have done well.
- 00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:22,628 Are you ready to become one of us, per se ?
- 00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:24,263 Yeah, I guess...
- 00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:25,297 Are you sure ?
- 00:09:25,331 --> 00:09:27,065 Because once you're in South Park Vampire Society
- 00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:28,967 you can't ever leave.
- 00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:33,605 Well, I'm sick of being pushed around...
- 00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,308 By my Dad... by kids at school...
- 00:09:36,342 --> 00:09:39,344 Then it is time for your transformation, per se !
- 00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:42,114 Let it begin !
- 00:09:44,617 --> 00:09:46,652 This way, prepare thyself.
- 00:10:12,845 --> 00:10:14,112 Whoa !
- 00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:16,448 And now you shall drink vampire blood
- 00:10:16,482 --> 00:10:19,985 and your transformation will be complete, per se.
- 00:10:21,187 --> 00:10:24,289 With this, thy transformation is done !
- 00:10:25,758 --> 00:10:27,292 Ewww, that's tastes awful !
- 00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:29,294 Blah, blahg !
- 00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:30,562 It is finished !
- 00:10:30,596 --> 00:10:31,697 Welcome, Butters,
- 00:10:31,731 --> 00:10:33,699 to the South Park Society of Vampires !
- 00:10:35,101 --> 00:10:37,169 Ha... Ha ha ha !
- 00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:40,339 Ahhhh ha-ha haaaa !
- 00:10:42,408 --> 00:10:44,142 ( wolf howling )
- 00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:48,580 There you are, Butters !
- 00:10:48,614 --> 00:10:49,748 Do you know what time it is ?
- 00:10:49,782 --> 00:10:50,916 Where have you been ?
- 00:10:50,950 --> 00:10:53,518 Butters, what have you done to your hair ?
- 00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:56,421 Hey, Butters, we are talking to you !
- 00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:58,724 Explain yourself, mister !
- 00:10:58,758 --> 00:11:02,160 I no longer need to explain anything to you, father.
- 00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:03,528 What on Earth ?!
- 00:11:03,563 --> 00:11:05,697 That does it, you are grounded for two weeks,
- 00:11:05,732 --> 00:11:06,965 you got that ?
- 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,667 You can't ground me !
- 00:11:08,701 --> 00:11:10,869 For I am neither living nor dead !
- 00:11:10,903 --> 00:11:14,973 How can thy ground that which is un-groundable ?
- 00:11:17,877 --> 00:11:19,544 All right, I don't know what's gotten into you, mister,
- 00:11:19,579 --> 00:11:20,012 but you're gonna--
- 00:11:20,046 --> 00:11:21,179 Hiss !
- 00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:22,247 - Wagh ! - Butters !
- 00:11:22,281 --> 00:11:24,249 Hiss... hiss !
- 00:11:24,283 --> 00:11:25,751 Agh...
- 00:11:25,785 --> 00:11:27,285 I am going to my room now,
- 00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:30,255 for I must slumber, per se.
- 00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,894 ( school bell ringing )
- 00:11:36,963 --> 00:11:39,664 now, kids, I understand that you are very into this
- 00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,033 "vampire thing"
- 00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:43,368 but I don't want to see it get out of hand.
- 00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:44,703 You kids need to understand
- 00:11:44,737 --> 00:11:47,672 that your new little fad is scary to some.
- 00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:51,043 Oh, my God !
- 00:11:51,077 --> 00:11:53,145 You've got the wrong flippin' people !
- 00:11:53,179 --> 00:11:55,781 We aren't vampires.
- 00:11:55,815 --> 00:11:58,150 I know that you aren't really vampires.
- 00:11:58,184 --> 00:12:00,285 And I appreciate that you want to be cool
- 00:12:00,319 --> 00:12:03,188 because vampires are the "in" thing right now--
- 00:12:03,222 --> 00:12:04,823 We aren't trying to be popular !
- 00:12:04,857 --> 00:12:06,591 But just make sure that this new little trend
- 00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:07,959 doesn't become a distraction.
- 00:12:07,994 --> 00:12:10,495 Here's a couple more, Principal Victoria, m'kay.
- 00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:13,065 Oh, no, are we in trouble ?
- 00:12:13,099 --> 00:12:14,466 I was just telling your friends
- 00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:15,801 about what I expect--
- 00:12:15,835 --> 00:12:18,170 We aren't friends.
- 00:12:18,204 --> 00:12:19,604 Don't worry, Ma'am.
- 00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:21,940 As I was just explaining to my new minions
- 00:12:21,974 --> 00:12:23,675 vampires are actually very spiritual
- 00:12:23,709 --> 00:12:25,977 and deep beings, per se.
- 00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,849 Allison Mertz is a vampire kid now ?
- 00:12:30,883 --> 00:12:32,918 This thing isn't going to stop.
- 00:12:32,952 --> 00:12:35,954 Let's just face it, they bogarted our style.
- 00:12:35,988 --> 00:12:38,490 Everyone's gonna think we're trying to be butthole vampires now.
- 00:12:38,524 --> 00:12:40,425 We might as well go to the frickin' Gap
- 00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:42,727 and just buy normal clothes.
- 00:12:47,066 --> 00:12:53,472 Well, at least nobody can refer to us as vampire kids now.
- 00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:54,973 It went this way ?
- 00:12:55,007 --> 00:12:55,907 Yeah, it's over there
- 00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:58,043 by that fat girl, the big-nose kid, the midget
- 00:12:58,077 --> 00:13:00,812 and the kid with pock marks on his face.
- 00:13:02,882 --> 00:13:04,749 So we're back to that, are we ?
- 00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,751 Shit.
- 00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:09,121 Let's get out of these freakin' Gap clothes.
- 00:13:14,894 --> 00:13:16,728 Hsss !
- 00:13:16,762 --> 00:13:19,931 Sorry, Eric, but I'm a vampire now
- 00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:23,001 and I can no longer survive on human food.
- 00:13:23,035 --> 00:13:26,071 And if someone must die so that I can feed...
- 00:13:26,105 --> 00:13:28,473 I choose thee.
- 00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:29,941 Hsss !
- 00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:36,448 Hmm, wonder what side I'm supposed to do it on ?
- 00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:38,650 Aw, probably doesn't matter.
- 00:13:38,684 --> 00:13:42,220 ( slurping quietly )
- 00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:44,322 Butters ?
- 00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:45,090 Butters !
- 00:13:45,124 --> 00:13:48,693 I can't do it !
- 00:13:48,728 --> 00:13:50,495 Dude, gross, you got spit all over my neck !
- 00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:53,031 Mom, Butters just gave me a hickey !
- 00:13:53,065 --> 00:13:53,732 I'm so hungry
- 00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:56,568 but just remembering how that blood tasted before--
- 00:13:56,602 --> 00:13:58,537 blood is all clammy and tomatoey.
- 00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:00,438 It makes me wanna--
- 00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:01,673 bleahh !
- 00:14:01,707 --> 00:14:02,474 Dude !
- 00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:04,576 Are you all right, sweetie ?
- 00:14:04,610 --> 00:14:06,244 Hissss !
- 00:14:07,780 --> 00:14:09,014 Ughn !
- 00:14:09,248 --> 00:14:10,582 ( crash ) Ow !
- 00:14:10,616 --> 00:14:12,717 What's going on ?
- 00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:14,486 Well, Mom, apparently Butters is gay,
- 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:15,720 finds me very attractive
- 00:14:15,755 --> 00:14:17,289 and confused about his sexual identity
- 00:14:17,323 --> 00:14:18,990 puked up all over my floor.
- 00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:20,158 Oh, dear.
- 00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:21,459 Yes.
- 00:14:26,098 --> 00:14:28,200 I walked into the cafeteria today...
- 00:14:28,234 --> 00:14:30,101 Rebecca Miller and Phillip Rust
- 00:14:30,136 --> 00:14:32,370 were dressed like vampires, drinking clamato juice
- 00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:34,706 with four kids from the football team.
- 00:14:34,740 --> 00:14:35,941 Jesus.
- 00:14:35,975 --> 00:14:39,477 It's like there's more vampire kids every freakin' day.
- 00:14:39,512 --> 00:14:40,478 Why is this happening ?
- 00:14:40,513 --> 00:14:42,080 I mean, why now ?
- 00:14:42,114 --> 00:14:43,448 Doesn't matter why.
- 00:14:43,482 --> 00:14:44,883 Pretty soon the whole school
- 00:14:44,917 --> 00:14:45,817 is going to be an endless hive
- 00:14:45,851 --> 00:14:48,553 of conformist happy-go-lucky vampire wannabes.
- 00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:52,257 It seems like that preppy Mike Mckowski kid started all this.
- 00:14:52,291 --> 00:14:54,459 Maybe he's the way to stopping it.
- 00:14:54,493 --> 00:14:55,794 What do you mean ?
- 00:14:55,828 --> 00:14:58,363 I mean, what do you do when you want to
- 00:14:58,397 --> 00:15:01,032 change vampires back to normal ?
- 00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:03,368 You get rid of the head vampire.
- 00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:13,745 Does your Mom know you took her car ?
- 00:15:13,779 --> 00:15:15,280 Do I care ?
- 00:15:16,382 --> 00:15:18,183 All right, this is probably good enough.
- 00:15:18,217 --> 00:15:19,818 Yeah, pull over here.
- 00:15:26,225 --> 00:15:27,859 Please, what do you want ?
- 00:15:27,893 --> 00:15:29,094 Let me go !
- 00:15:30,796 --> 00:15:32,631 What should we do with him ?
- 00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:34,099 Well, if he's a vampire,
- 00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:36,868 I guess we should drive a stake through his heart.
- 00:15:36,902 --> 00:15:39,070 Nooo ! No, I'm not a vampire !
- 00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:41,306 I'm not a vampire !
- 00:15:41,340 --> 00:15:42,240 What's that ?
- 00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:44,009 I'm not really a vampire !
- 00:15:44,043 --> 00:15:46,011 You're not really a vampire ?
- 00:15:46,045 --> 00:15:47,078 Really ?
- 00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:48,513 I'm so freaking shocked.
- 00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:51,950 If we get the right packaging
- 00:15:51,984 --> 00:15:54,719 we can just Fedex him somewhere far away.
- 00:15:54,754 --> 00:15:56,921 How about we send him to Transylvania ?
- 00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,290 Nah, he'd probably see it
- 00:15:58,324 --> 00:15:59,324 as something to brag about someday
- 00:15:59,358 --> 00:16:01,426 to his little vampire buddies.
- 00:16:01,460 --> 00:16:03,295 If we're gonna send him somewhere,
- 00:16:03,329 --> 00:16:04,562 it should be the most horrible,
- 00:16:04,597 --> 00:16:06,431 most miserable place on Earth.
- 00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:09,934 [all]: Scottsdale !
- 00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:16,174 Butters ?
- 00:16:16,208 --> 00:16:19,210 We just got a call from Mrs. Cartman !
- 00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:20,412 Butters ?
- 00:16:20,446 --> 00:16:23,381 Unbelievable, he's locked the door.
- 00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:25,583 Butters, this is your father !
- 00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:27,619 Explain why you snuck into another boy's bedroom
- 00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:29,688 and gave him a hickey !
- 00:16:29,722 --> 00:16:32,157 Butters ?
- 00:16:32,191 --> 00:16:34,492 Butters, you open this door right now !
- 00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:37,896 ( panting ) What have I done to myself ?
- 00:16:37,930 --> 00:16:41,833 I should have known I wouldn't have the stomach to be a vampire.
- 00:16:41,867 --> 00:16:43,501 I'm so hungry.
- 00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:46,604 Butters, you have five seconds to unlock this door !
- 00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:48,440 One... two !
- 00:16:48,474 --> 00:16:50,508 ( lock clicking )
- 00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:01,319 Uh...B-Butters ?
- 00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:02,253 Hey, Dad.
- 00:17:02,288 --> 00:17:03,855 Ahghggh !
- 00:17:03,889 --> 00:17:05,223 Butters, did you get gay
- 00:17:05,257 --> 00:17:07,025 with one of your schoolmates tonight ?
- 00:17:07,059 --> 00:17:09,561 I have to eat, but I can't do it.
- 00:17:09,595 --> 00:17:10,929 I'm getting weak.
- 00:17:10,963 --> 00:17:13,765 All right, now you listen and you listen good.
- 00:17:13,799 --> 00:17:15,834 Until you stop behaving this way,
- 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:18,470 you are not going to leave this room !
- 00:17:18,504 --> 00:17:20,438 Do you understand ?
- 00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:21,740 Agh!
- 00:17:25,444 --> 00:17:26,678 Hiss !
- 00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:28,446 I know now what I have to do !
- 00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:29,481 Blagh !
- 00:17:31,917 --> 00:17:35,420 Stephen, what has happened to our boy ?
- 00:17:35,454 --> 00:17:38,022 He's become something, Linda.
- 00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,758 Something that...
- 00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:41,860 we cannot ground.
- 00:17:50,035 --> 00:17:52,470 I just don't get it.
- 00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:54,973 We sent the head vampire kid to Scottsdale
- 00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:56,775 but still more and more kids
- 00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:58,810 are dressing up like vampires.
- 00:17:58,844 --> 00:18:00,879 He must not have been what was causing it.
- 00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:02,614 It must be something else.
- 00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:03,882 Hey, you kids gonna order any food
- 00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:06,217 or just sit there and drink coffee all night again ?
- 00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:07,752 Leave us alone.
- 00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:10,288 Bad enough I always get stuck with you goth kids.
- 00:18:10,322 --> 00:18:12,991 Now I got goth kids in my entire section !
- 00:18:13,025 --> 00:18:15,727 ( giggling ) ( giggling )
- 00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:16,728 They aren't goth !
- 00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:18,963 They're douchy little vampire kids !
- 00:18:18,998 --> 00:18:20,799 Looks the same to me.
- 00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:23,268 I bet they aren't even drinking coffee.
- 00:18:23,302 --> 00:18:25,403 No, they said they're too young to drink caffeine
- 00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,038 so they're having orange juice.
- 00:18:30,476 --> 00:18:32,277 Let's go over there and tell them
- 00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:35,213 they are not taking Village Inn from us too !
- 00:18:35,247 --> 00:18:37,682 Forget it, it's over, all right !
- 00:18:37,716 --> 00:18:39,050 There's too many of them now,
- 00:18:39,084 --> 00:18:40,585 we can't stop them.
- 00:18:40,619 --> 00:18:42,253 Let's just face it.
- 00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:44,956 The freakin' vampires beat us.
- 00:18:44,990 --> 00:18:46,558 Maybe not.
- 00:18:46,592 --> 00:18:47,692 Hsss !
- 00:18:47,726 --> 00:18:48,960 Did you say...
- 00:18:48,994 --> 00:18:51,396 you're trying to get rid of the vampires ?
- 00:18:51,430 --> 00:18:52,997 I want to help you.
- 00:18:53,032 --> 00:18:54,632 Get away, douche bag.
- 00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:56,134 Some legends say...
- 00:18:56,168 --> 00:18:58,403 that if you destroy the vampires' lair...
- 00:18:58,437 --> 00:19:01,039 The vampires go back to being human again...
- 00:19:01,073 --> 00:19:02,407 What are you talking about ?
- 00:19:02,441 --> 00:19:03,775 I can take you...
- 00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:08,613 to the place where kids are being transformed into vampires.
- 00:19:12,117 --> 00:19:15,220 Agh-- Hot Topic...when did this open ?
- 00:19:15,254 --> 00:19:16,521 Two weeks ago.
- 00:19:16,555 --> 00:19:19,824 It used to be a Banana Republic.
- 00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:22,393 Of course, freakin' Hot Topic.
- 00:19:22,428 --> 00:19:23,928 That explains everything.
- 00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:25,497 How did we not figure that out ?
- 00:19:25,531 --> 00:19:27,398 Of course a new Hot Topic must have come to town--
- 00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:29,067 duh !
- 00:19:29,101 --> 00:19:32,437 Well, I think we all know what has to be done.
- 00:19:32,471 --> 00:19:34,506 Yup, let's get to it.
- 00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:45,483 ♪ Burn, burn down burn down Hot Topic ♪
- 00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:49,287 ♪ Don't let it steal your soul away ♪
- 00:19:49,321 --> 00:19:51,055 Hey, what the hell are you doing ?!
- 00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:52,557 You should probably get out of here.
- 00:19:52,591 --> 00:19:54,592 ♪ Light the fire ♪
- 00:19:54,627 --> 00:19:55,727 ♪ Take control ♪
- 00:19:55,761 --> 00:19:58,897 ♪ Burn down burn down Hot Topic ♪
- 00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:02,033 ♪ Don't let it take your soul ♪
- 00:20:02,067 --> 00:20:03,568 What the hell are they doing ?
- 00:20:03,602 --> 00:20:05,236 They're putting an end to it !
- 00:20:05,271 --> 00:20:06,971 Ahghghggh !
- 00:20:07,006 --> 00:20:08,773 ♪ And take control ♪
- 00:20:08,807 --> 00:20:15,446 ♪ Burnin' down Hot Topic ♪
- 00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:19,317 Mom, Dad !
- 00:20:19,351 --> 00:20:21,052 I've changed back !
- 00:20:21,086 --> 00:20:21,920 What ?
- 00:20:21,954 --> 00:20:23,621 Goth kids burnt down the Hot Topic
- 00:20:23,656 --> 00:20:25,123 and sure enough, soon as they did,
- 00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:27,425 I tried eating a hot dog and it tasted good !
- 00:20:27,459 --> 00:20:30,061 My vampire teeth even fell out when I bit into it !
- 00:20:30,095 --> 00:20:31,729 I'm human again !
- 00:20:31,764 --> 00:20:33,831 We have no idea what you're talking about, Butters,
- 00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:35,533 but we're glad you're home !
- 00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:36,701 That's right, son.
- 00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:38,336 There's only one thing I care about--
- 00:20:38,370 --> 00:20:39,737 What's that, Dad ?
- 00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:41,673 Well, would you mind telling me why there's
- 00:20:41,707 --> 00:20:45,076 Rice-A-Roni in my coffee !?
- 00:20:45,110 --> 00:20:46,177 Uh-oh.
- 00:20:46,211 --> 00:20:48,346 Butters, you are grounded !
- 00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:50,582 Awwww, dang it !
- 00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:53,952 It worked, Linda.
- 00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:55,920 Our son is groundable once more.
- 00:20:59,992 --> 00:21:01,459 Fellow students,
- 00:21:01,493 --> 00:21:03,494 over the past week, there's been a lot of confusion
- 00:21:03,529 --> 00:21:05,630 and so we have asked for this assembly
- 00:21:05,664 --> 00:21:08,199 to clarify the difference between goth kids
- 00:21:08,233 --> 00:21:10,001 and vampire kids.
- 00:21:10,035 --> 00:21:12,403 Let us make it abundantly clear:
- 00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:14,539 if you hate life, truly hate the sun
- 00:21:14,573 --> 00:21:16,841 and need to smoke and drink coffee
- 00:21:16,875 --> 00:21:18,843 you are goth.
- 00:21:18,877 --> 00:21:20,612 If, however, you like dressing in black
- 00:21:20,646 --> 00:21:21,946 'cause it's fun,
- 00:21:21,981 --> 00:21:23,848 enjoy putting sparkles on your cheeks
- 00:21:23,882 --> 00:21:24,983 and following the occult
- 00:21:25,017 --> 00:21:27,485 while avoiding things that are bad for your health
- 00:21:27,519 --> 00:21:28,620 then you are most likely
- 00:21:28,654 --> 00:21:31,222 a douche bag vampire-wannabe boner.
- 00:21:31,256 --> 00:21:33,825 Because anybody who thinks they are actually a vampire
- 00:21:33,859 --> 00:21:35,426 is freaking retarded.
- 00:21:38,030 --> 00:21:40,465 ( cheers & applause )
- 00:21:40,499 --> 00:21:42,166 Fuck all of you.
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