Ненаказуемый

00:00:26,440 --> 00:00:33,440

Перевод: Redcord, Твик

Тайминг: Redcord, abodnya

00:00:35,792 --> 00:00:39,534

Пнятненько... А теперь компьютер покажет вам командную строку.

00:00:39,952 --> 00:00:44,725

Пнятненько... И мы вводим Х=1+1

00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:51,022

Так, а теперь вводим команду, чтобы увидеть экран меню.

00:00:51,773 --> 00:00:53,620

Блин, вы чё, шутите?

00:00:55,191 --> 00:00:56,590

Вашу мать, япошки везде!

00:00:57,489 --> 00:01:04,369

Пнятненько... Теперь правый клик на строке меню = 0 и введите "input 1".

00:01:04,870 --> 00:01:06,504

Стен, ты за америкосов?

00:01:06,792 --> 00:01:08,026

Не, я за японцев.

00:01:08,752 --> 00:01:09,972

Эй, кто меня только что замочил?

00:01:10,603 --> 00:01:17,917

Итак, посмотрим: правый клик наверху справа... Что ж тут такое написано?..

00:01:17,918 --> 00:01:24,303

Ладно, дети, мне надо тут кое-что прояснить, так что продолжайте вычисления, я скоро вернусь, пнятненько?

00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:28,914

Оу, чел, вот был бы у меня настоящий огнемёт - он здорово помогает против япошек.

00:01:30,498 --> 00:01:32,098

О Боже, о Боже!

00:01:33,571 --> 00:01:35,688

Стен, Стен, у нас большая проблема!

00:01:35,689 --> 00:01:36,624

Чё такое, чувак?

00:01:36,625 --> 00:01:38,389

В школе вампиры!

00:01:38,390 --> 00:01:39,017

Что?

00:01:39,018 --> 00:01:40,428

Вампиры! Я их видел!

00:01:40,429 --> 00:01:42,669

Блин, кто использует неразрешённый чит?

00:01:43,078 --> 00:01:44,348

Не чит, если напишешь god.

00:01:46,206 --> 00:01:47,942

Кенни! Там вампир на свободе.

00:01:48,203 --> 00:01:51,320

Пени Гомс тусовалась с ним, и теперь она тоже вампир!

00:01:51,321 --> 00:01:53,258

Баттерс, вампиров не бывает.

00:01:53,797 --> 00:01:55,886

Бывает! Пацаны, вы должны поверить мне.

00:01:55,887 --> 00:01:56,941

Сначала их было всего двое,

00:01:56,942 --> 00:01:59,818

но их всё больше! У них длинные клыки, они пьют кровь и всё такое!

00:02:00,330 --> 00:02:03,745

Хорошо, Баттерс, ты должен задокументировать их передвижения, чтобы мы знали об их намерениях.

00:02:04,326 --> 00:02:04,880

Правда?

00:02:04,881 --> 00:02:05,881

Вы думаете, так будет лучше?

00:02:06,450 --> 00:02:07,382

Ага, а теперь убирайся отсюда.

00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:08,318

Хорошо!

00:02:09,579 --> 00:02:12,486

Если я не вернусь, скажите моей маме, что со мной случилось.

00:02:14,473 --> 00:02:16,853

Оу, поимели тебя, Бебе, сучка японская.

00:02:21,084 --> 00:02:21,983

Разве не круто?

00:02:21,984 --> 00:02:23,912

В это время дня в спортзале никого.

00:02:23,913 --> 00:02:26,981

Нам нужно сделать это место оффициальной точкой слёта сауспарковых вампиров.

00:02:27,410 --> 00:02:30,099

Зашибенно, Майк, абсолютно круто!

00:02:30,100 --> 00:02:32,112

Не называй меня Майком, моё имя теперь Вампир.

00:02:32,113 --> 00:02:32,957

Круть.

00:02:32,958 --> 00:02:34,674

Я собираюсь сменить себе имя на Владимир.

00:02:34,675 --> 00:02:36,989

Ты не можешь - это слишком похоже на Вампир.

00:02:40,140 --> 00:02:43,760

12:32 пополудню. Вампиры встретились в школьном спортзале.

00:02:43,761 --> 00:02:45,721

Их лидер - пятиклассник.

00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,986

Знаешь Бэлу в сумерках?

00:02:47,987 --> 00:02:51,609

Я думаю, я - вампир-невидимка. Вам нравятся мои блёстки?

00:02:52,486 --> 00:02:54,562

Эни Партл - вампир-невидимка.

00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:03,934

Ага, я буду гибридным вампиром - невидимкой и кровососом.

00:03:04,753 --> 00:03:07,735

Это Райан Эллас кажется, он и до него добрались.

00:03:07,736 --> 00:03:10,932

- Время ланча. Как насчёт крови?

- Да!

00:03:10,933 --> 00:03:13,715

Ага, настало время поесть.

00:03:16,612 --> 00:03:18,534

О Боже, я думаю сейчас они будут пить кровь!

00:03:18,982 --> 00:03:21,675

У них есть что-то вроде...

00:03:24,547 --> 00:03:29,971

Всеем привет! Это крутое шоу Баттерса! А вот и я - Баттерс!

00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:39,669

Как дела, ребята? Я - супер крутой Баттерс а это моя лошадь Тост.

00:03:41,152 --> 00:03:42,730

Эмм... ты что делаешь?

00:03:43,912 --> 00:03:45,267

Назад! Отойди!

00:03:46,638 --> 00:03:49,734

Заклинаю телом Христа!

00:03:56,146 --> 00:03:57,792

Этот пацан нас реально испугался.

00:03:57,793 --> 00:03:58,917

Это правда, Кровинка.

00:03:58,918 --> 00:04:03,189

Люди будут бояться нас, потому что они не понимают наши пути.

00:04:03,190 --> 00:04:04,495

Ага, мы круты.

00:04:08,541 --> 00:04:11,120

Что за хрень они творят?

00:04:11,121 --> 00:04:13,491

С чего это вдруг они все так оделись?

00:04:13,492 --> 00:04:15,093

Они пытаются быть готами?

00:04:15,451 --> 00:04:16,942

Нет, они вампиры.

00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:20,253

Они носят пластиковую хрень и пьют томатный сок.

00:04:21,108 --> 00:04:24,179

Но они не могут так одеваться, это же наш стиль!

00:04:24,939 --> 00:04:28,014

Эй, Томми Петрос хочет стать вампиром.

00:04:28,015 --> 00:04:29,450

Тони Петрос? Он крутой?

00:04:29,451 --> 00:04:30,658

Ага, он достаточно крут.

00:04:30,659 --> 00:04:31,472

Хорошо.

00:04:32,596 --> 00:04:36,881

Итак, чего это вы вдруг Джастины и Бритни решили одеваться как мы?

00:04:38,125 --> 00:04:41,679

Мы одеваемся как нам велит душа, чтобы выразить всю темноту...

00:04:42,551 --> 00:04:43,943

А ты не Майк Макальски?

00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:47,164

Теперь я - вампир Макальски.

00:04:47,886 --> 00:04:52,403

Вам ребят нужно прямо сейчас обратно одеть ваши шмотки аля "банановая республика"

00:04:52,890 --> 00:04:54,852

Да мы такие же тёмные, как и вы, может даже темнее.

00:04:55,521 --> 00:04:55,853

Правда?

00:04:55,854 --> 00:04:57,794

Вы хоть курите?

00:04:58,446 --> 00:05:00,368

Конечно нет - курение вредно.

00:05:00,369 --> 00:05:01,369

Да!

00:05:01,765 --> 00:05:02,990

О Боже...

00:05:03,563 --> 00:05:06,579

Знаете что, вы испускаете негативную человеческую энергию.

00:05:06,580 --> 00:05:08,729

Мы заберем нашу темноту для другого места, понятно?

00:05:09,319 --> 00:05:11,189

Ладно, граф Педрила, давай.

00:05:18,737 --> 00:05:21,963

Мам! Мам! Я должен тебе кое-что сказать! Ты не поверишь!

00:05:21,963 --> 00:05:26,349

Не сейчас, Баттерс, твой отец хочет поговорить с тобой на кухне. Он не доволен.

00:05:26,628 --> 00:05:28,440

О нет, что я на этот раз сделал?

00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:30,691

Просто иди туда.

00:05:30,691 --> 00:05:32,174

О Господи.

00:05:36,491 --> 00:05:38,258

Видишь это, Баттерс?

00:05:38,075 --> 00:05:40,819

Это стакан молока, который я себе налил.

00:05:41,645 --> 00:05:42,873

Это видишь?

00:05:42,873 --> 00:05:44,777

Это Гамбургер-помощник.

00:05:46,522 --> 00:05:51,587

Может обьяснишь, что Гамбургер-помощник делает в этом стакане молока?

00:05:51,576 --> 00:05:55,101

Почему Гамбургер-помощник в этом стакане молока, Баттерс?

00:05:55,570 --> 00:05:57,352

Не знаю, сэр.

00:05:57,550 --> 00:06:02,373

Я тебе скажу, почему. Наши продукты расставлены в алфавитном порядке.

00:06:02,373 --> 00:06:07,210

Но кто-то поставил Гамбургера-помощника на место Нестле Квики <какао такое>

00:06:08,085 --> 00:06:13,118

Прости, пап, я недавно этим занимался. Видишь ли, в школе есть дети...

00:06:13,118 --> 00:06:15,309

Что обьединяет семью, Баттерс?

00:06:15,949 --> 00:06:17,872

Упорядоченные продукты.

00:06:17,872 --> 00:06:23,543

Если будешь неправильно расставлять еду, всё будет плохо.

00:06:23,543 --> 00:06:27,210

А теперь ты расставишь продукты и расставишь их правильно!

00:06:27,384 --> 00:06:31,534

Хорошо, пап, но ты должен меня выслушать: дети в школе меняются, они не...

00:06:31,534 --> 00:06:35,159

Или ты сейчас это делаешь или будешь наказан, ясно?

00:06:35,254 --> 00:06:36,739

Да, сэр.

00:06:39,491 --> 00:06:42,123

Господи, никто меня даже не выслушает.

00:06:42,692 --> 00:06:45,636

Как будто бы всем пофиг на вампиров в школе.

00:06:45,771 --> 00:06:48,354

Я пытаюсь помочь, а всё что получаю - наказание.

00:06:49,378 --> 00:06:51,900

Наверняка вампиров никогда не наказывают.

00:06:52,101 --> 00:06:54,820

Вампиры просто делают то, что им хочется...

00:07:00,035 --> 00:07:02,074

У всех смертных мягкая плоть.

00:07:02,226 --> 00:07:06,782

Моя душа настолько темна, настолько, что даже Хелс Кирсли не мог её вообразить.

00:07:07,305 --> 00:07:08,783

Что этот пацан делает?

00:07:10,089 --> 00:07:13,417

О Господи, о Боже, Баттерс, остановись, что ты делаешь?

00:07:24,292 --> 00:07:26,535

Я... я Баттерс.

00:07:27,592 --> 00:07:28,858

Ну?

00:07:30,439 --> 00:07:37,945

баттерс

00:07:39,791 --> 00:07:40,751

Что?

00:07:41,204 --> 00:07:43,850

Ну, я хочу быть вампиром.

00:07:44,841 --> 00:07:46,847

Ты не достаточно крут, чтобы быть одним из нас.

00:07:47,035 --> 00:07:53,855

Да, я знаю. Но может быть, я бы стал неплохим вампиром, если бы вы дали мне шанс.

00:07:54,730 --> 00:07:58,399

Мы подумаем. Принеси нам газировки из автомата.

00:07:58,399 --> 00:08:00,323

Да. Что-нибудь ещё?

00:08:00,323 --> 00:08:01,790

Я хочу немного Читос.

00:08:02,116 --> 00:08:04,400

Газировка и Читос, ага, я мигом.

00:08:11,799 --> 00:08:13,107

Где он?

00:08:13,317 --> 00:08:14,407

Ты видишь?

00:08:14,407 --> 00:08:16,754

Ага, вон там, рядом с этими вампирами.

00:08:19,008 --> 00:08:20,057

Что?!

00:08:20,380 --> 00:08:21,783

Эй, эй!

00:08:21,783 --> 00:08:24,870

Мы не вампиры, мы же готы, мать вашу.

00:08:25,178 --> 00:08:27,863

Какая разница, Дракула, превратись в летучую мышь или типа того.

00:08:28,664 --> 00:08:32,479

Отстой.

00:08:32,479 --> 00:08:37,306

Ребят, я не хочу чтобы нас путали с этими сраными вампирами.

00:08:37,752 --> 00:08:39,780

Такой отстой.

00:08:40,635 --> 00:08:43,736

Видишь? Разве тут сзади не круто? Так темно и одиноко.

00:08:43,736 --> 00:08:45,959

Будет классное место для встреч вампиров.

00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:48,837

Это наше место, говнюки.

00:08:49,666 --> 00:08:52,216

Все больше учеников становтся вампирами.

00:08:52,216 --> 00:08:54,506

Что за хрень происходит?

00:09:09,914 --> 00:09:11,513

Я сделал, что вы просили.

00:09:11,478 --> 00:09:14,011

Ящик Dr. Pepper и вишнёвые пирожки.

00:09:14,011 --> 00:09:17,509

Зачем вам это, в смысле, вампиры не могут есть человеческую еду.

00:09:17,746 --> 00:09:21,388

Ты хорошо поработал. Ты готов стать одним из нас?

00:09:22,275 --> 00:09:23,756

Ага, наверное.

00:09:23,811 --> 00:09:28,745

Ты уверен? Потому как если ты вступишь в сауспарковое общество вампиров, ты не сможешь уйти.

00:09:31,255 --> 00:09:35,802

Мне надоело, что меня третирует отец, дети в школе издеваются надо мной.

00:09:36,030 --> 00:09:38,907

Ну вот у тебя появился шанс покончить с этим.

00:09:39,505 --> 00:09:40,824

Начнём!

00:09:44,391 --> 00:09:46,498

Сюда. Приготовься.

00:10:12,583 --> 00:10:13,707

Ух ты!

00:10:13,707 --> 00:10:19,047

А теперь ты выпьешь вампирской крови и твоя инициализация будет завершена!

00:10:19,625 --> 00:10:21,134

"Clammato"

00:10:21,101 --> 00:10:23,177

Выпей, и трансформация завершится.

00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:27,326

Гадость какая!

00:10:28,821 --> 00:10:34,149

Всё. Добро пожаловать в сауспарковое общество вампиров, Баттерс.

00:10:47,758 --> 00:10:51,089

Вот ты где, Баттерс! Знаешь, который час, ты где был?

00:10:51,089 --> 00:10:53,287

Баттерс, что ты сделал со своими волосами?

00:10:53,426 --> 00:10:56,315

Эй! Баттерс, мы с тобой говорим!

00:10:56,701 --> 00:10:58,492

Обьяснись!

00:10:58,964 --> 00:11:02,574

Мне больше ничего не надо тебе обьяснять, отец.

00:11:02,574 --> 00:11:03,638

Что за?

00:11:03,638 --> 00:11:06,820

Всё, с меня хватит, ты наказан на 2 недели, понял?

00:11:07,338 --> 00:11:15,872

Вы не можете заточить меня, ибо я не живой, но и не мёртвый.

00:11:21,564 --> 00:11:22,700

Баттерс!

00:11:25,866 --> 00:11:27,633

Сейчас я иду в свою комнату.

00:11:27,633 --> 00:11:29,824

Так как я должен ???

00:11:37,323 --> 00:11:43,408

Ребята, я понимаю, что вам нравится быть "вампирами", но это не должно зайти слишком далеко.

00:11:43,408 --> 00:11:47,368

Вы, детки, должны понять, что ваша новая мода пугает многих.

00:11:49,749 --> 00:11:53,492

О мой Бог! Мы не те, кто вам нужен!

00:11:53,492 --> 00:11:56,022

Мы НЕ вампиры.

00:11:56,290 --> 00:12:03,203

Я знаю, что на самом деле вы не вампиры, и я ценю то, что вы пытаетесь быть крутыми, потому что быть вампиром - модно.

00:12:03,203 --> 00:12:04,804

Мы не пытаемся быть популярными!

00:12:04,804 --> 00:12:08,257

Но убедитесь, что это не будет вас отвлекать. (от учёбы)

00:12:08,332 --> 00:12:10,778

Вот еще парочка, директор Виктория, пнятненько.

00:12:10,778 --> 00:12:12,838

Вот блин, я не знал... у нас неприятности?

00:12:13,155 --> 00:12:15,719

Я только что говорила вашим друзьям, что ожидаю...

00:12:15,719 --> 00:12:18,469

Мы не друзья!

00:12:18,469 --> 00:12:25,567

Не волнуйтесь, мэм, я просто обьяснял новичкам, что вампиры глубоко духовные существа.

00:12:28,468 --> 00:12:30,898

Алсенд Маркс теперь тоже вампир?

00:12:30,898 --> 00:12:32,818

Этому нет конца!

00:12:32,983 --> 00:12:42,313

Смиримся - они украли наш стиль. Теперь все считают, что мы - сраные вампиры. Нам бы пойти в магаз и купить нормальную одежду.

00:12:47,007 --> 00:12:51,080

Ну зато хоть никто нас не назовёт вампирами.

00:12:53,659 --> 00:12:55,098

Он сюда укатился?

00:12:55,098 --> 00:12:59,959

Ага, вон там, рядом с толстой девочкой, большеносым, карликом и чуваком с чёлкой на лице.

00:13:02,919 --> 00:13:04,898

С чем боролись, на то и напоролись.

00:13:04,741 --> 00:13:05,690

Пиз*ец!

00:13:06,737 --> 00:13:09,105

Давайте переоденем эти тупые шмотки.

00:13:16,888 --> 00:13:20,082

Прости, Эрик, но я теперь вампир.

00:13:20,082 --> 00:13:22,826

И я больше не могу питаться человеческой пищей.

00:13:23,172 --> 00:13:28,221

Так что кто-то должен умереть, чтобы я мог насытиться. Я выбрал тебя.

00:13:34,542 --> 00:13:37,749

Как же мне это сделать? А, не важно.

00:13:42,177 --> 00:13:42,991

Баттерс...

00:13:44,102 --> 00:13:45,256

Баттерс!

00:13:45,503 --> 00:13:49,086

Я не могу... я не могу..

00:13:49,014 --> 00:13:53,185

Блин, фу, обслюнявил мне всю шею! Маам!

00:13:53,185 --> 00:13:56,730

Я был так голоден, но потом вспомнил, какова на вкус кровь

00:13:56,754 --> 00:13:59,722

Она была такой противной, я от неё...

00:14:01,659 --> 00:14:02,363

Блин!

00:14:02,684 --> 00:14:03,942

Ты в порядке, поросёночек?

00:14:11,121 --> 00:14:12,226

В чём дело?

00:14:12,757 --> 00:14:18,912

Ну, мам, очевидно, что Баттерс - гей, находит меня очень привлекательным. Он неправильно подумал о моей сексуальной ориентации и обблевал весь пол.

00:14:19,078 --> 00:14:19,828

О Боже мой!

00:14:20,172 --> 00:14:21,076

Да.

00:14:26,294 --> 00:14:28,122

Я был в столовой сегодня.

00:14:28,261 --> 00:14:34,621

Ребекка Миллер и Филипп Раск оделись как вампиры и пили томатный сок с четырьмя чуваками из футбольной команды.

00:14:34,827 --> 00:14:35,811

Господи!

00:14:35,971 --> 00:14:39,402

Как будто.. этих вампиров становится всё больше с каждым днём.

00:14:39,402 --> 00:14:42,324

Почему это происходит?... То есть, почему сейчас?

00:14:42,324 --> 00:14:48,595

Не важно почему... Очень скоро все в школе станут кончеными конформистскими вампирами.

00:14:48,595 --> 00:14:54,417

Вроде тот чувак Майк Макальски всю кашу заварил. Может с его помощью, всё остановится.

00:14:54,465 --> 00:14:55,610

Ты о чём?

00:14:55,588 --> 00:15:01,097

Вот что: что нужно, чтобы превратить вампира обратно, в нормальное состояние?

00:15:01,578 --> 00:15:04,242

Избавиться от лидера вампиров.

00:15:11,388 --> 00:15:13,317

Твоя мама знает, что мы взяли её машину?

00:15:13,659 --> 00:15:15,124

А меня это волнует?

00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:18,006

Ладно, вроде хватит.

00:15:18,161 --> 00:15:19,512

Ага, притормози здесь.

00:15:26,064 --> 00:15:29,352

Пожалуйста! Что вам нужно! Пустите меня!

00:15:30,908 --> 00:15:31,948

Что же нам делать?

00:15:32,636 --> 00:15:36,245

Ну, если он - вампир, стало быть надо вонзить осиновый кол ему в сердце.

00:15:37,063 --> 00:15:41,264

Нет! Я не вампир! Не вампир я!

00:15:41,252 --> 00:15:42,105

Я что-то слышу?

00:15:42,105 --> 00:15:44,308

Я не настоящий вампир!

00:15:44,124 --> 00:15:45,805

Ты не настоящий вампир?

00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:46,951

Правда?

00:15:46,951 --> 00:15:48,744

Я так, блин, шокирован.

00:15:50,850 --> 00:15:54,297

Если мы запихнём его в мешок, то сможем увезти куда-нибудь далеко.

00:15:54,790 --> 00:15:56,718

Как насчёт того, чтобы отправить его в Трансильванию?

00:15:57,473 --> 00:16:01,036

Не, не пойдёт, он там будет хвастаться перед своими дружками-вампирами.

00:16:01,184 --> 00:16:06,359

Если мы его куда-то отсылаем, это должно быть самое ужасное место на земле.

00:16:09,214 --> 00:16:10,306

Скотсдейл.

00:16:15,737 --> 00:16:18,796

Баттерс! Нам только что позвонила миссис Картман!

00:16:19,416 --> 00:16:23,016

Баттерс?.. Невероятно, он запер дверь!

00:16:23,848 --> 00:16:29,219

Баттерс, это твой отец! Обьясни, зачем ты прокрался в спальню к другому мальчику и поцеловал его!

00:16:30,141 --> 00:16:30,901

Баттерс?

00:16:32,293 --> 00:16:34,664

Баттерс! Открой дверь сейчас же!

00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:37,956

Что.. я.. сделал.. с.. собой..

00:16:38,075 --> 00:16:41,012

Я должен был знать, что мне придётся голодать, если я стану вампиром.

00:16:41,945 --> 00:16:43,520

Я так голоден.

00:16:43,698 --> 00:16:46,441

Баттерс, у тебя 5 секунд, чтобы открыть эту дверь!

00:16:46,893 --> 00:16:48,480

1... 2...

00:17:00,002 --> 00:17:01,478

Баттерс?

00:17:01,604 --> 00:17:02,345

Привет, пап.

00:17:04,235 --> 00:17:07,348

Баттерс! Ты что, гомосячил с одним из своих одноклассников ночью?

00:17:07,348 --> 00:17:11,195

Мне пришлось, но я не смог этого сделать.. Я становлюсь слабым.

00:17:11,195 --> 00:17:19,953

Так, заруби себе на носу: пока не прекратишь себя так вести, не выйдешь из этой комнаты, понял?

00:17:27,106 --> 00:17:28,636

Я знаю, что я должен сделать!

00:17:32,246 --> 00:17:35,395

Стивен! Что случилось с нашим мальчиком?

00:17:35,482 --> 00:17:37,513

Он стал чем-то, Линда...

00:17:38,206 --> 00:17:41,782

Чем-то, что мы не можем наказать.

00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:52,486

До. меня. не. доходит.

00:17:52,624 --> 00:17:59,070

Мы послали главного вампира в Скотсдейл, но все равно всё больше и больше детей стали одеваться, как вампиры.

00:17:59,070 --> 00:18:02,676

Это скорее всего не из-зи него, а из-за чего-то другого.

00:18:02,769 --> 00:18:06,490

Эй, дети, вы собираетесь заказать еду, или так всю ночь за кофе просидите?

00:18:06,490 --> 00:18:07,911

Отстань от нас.

00:18:07,830 --> 00:18:12,903

Мало мне вас, готов, так вон, у меня теперь еще целая секция с готами.

00:18:16,006 --> 00:18:18,922

Они не готы! Они - долбанные вампиры!

00:18:19,462 --> 00:18:20,818

По мне так - одно и тоже.

00:18:21,008 --> 00:18:23,102

Наверняка они даже не пьют кофе.

00:18:23,362 --> 00:18:27,115

Нет, они сказали, что слишком молоды, чтобы пить кофе, поэтому они заказали апельсиновый сок.

00:18:30,544 --> 00:18:35,279

Давайте подойдём к ним и скажем, что

00:18:35,462 --> 00:18:40,679

Забудь. Всё кончено, ясно? Их слишком много, их не остановить.

00:18:41,066 --> 00:18:44,439

Смиримся - грёбаные вампиры победили нас.

00:18:45,296 --> 00:18:46,415

А может и нет.

00:18:47,929 --> 00:18:53,069

Вы говорили, что хотите избавиться от вампиров? Я хочу помочь вам.

00:18:53,390 --> 00:18:54,637

Отвали, говнюк.

00:18:54,637 --> 00:19:01,205

Некоторые религии утверждают, что если уничтожить лидера вампиров, они снова становятся людьми.

00:19:01,205 --> 00:19:02,655

Ты о чём?

00:19:02,506 --> 00:19:07,870

Я могу отвести вас туда, где из детей делают вампиров.

00:19:12,776 --> 00:19:15,581

О, Hot Topic, когда он открылся?

00:19:15,581 --> 00:19:19,753

2 недели назад. Это была банановая республика.

00:19:20,077 --> 00:19:24,208

Точняк. Долбаный Hot Topic. Это всё обьясняет.

00:19:24,208 --> 00:19:28,714

Как же мы до этого не допёрли? Естественно, новый Hot Topic открылся в городе.

00:19:29,632 --> 00:19:32,362

Ну, я думаю, мы все знаем, что делать.

00:19:32,875 --> 00:19:33,421

Ага.

00:19:33,526 --> 00:19:35,104

Начнём.

00:19:49,114 --> 00:19:51,205

Эй, ты что делаешь?

00:19:51,458 --> 00:19:52,998

Вам, возможно, следует уйти.

00:19:59,518 --> 00:20:01,896

На этой неделе специальная скидка 25%!

00:20:01,826 --> 00:20:03,627

Что они творят?

00:20:03,855 --> 00:20:05,556

Они поджигают магазин!

00:20:17,997 --> 00:20:21,124

Мам, пап! Я вернулся!

00:20:21,230 --> 00:20:22,038

Что?

00:20:22,163 --> 00:20:31,812

Готы спалили Hot Topic, а потом я сьел хот дог и он был очень вкусный! А потом мои клыки выпали. Я снова человек!

00:20:32,097 --> 00:20:35,816

Я без понятия, о чём ты говоришь, Баттерс, но мы рады, что ты дома.

00:20:36,124 --> 00:20:39,088

Это так, сын. Меня только волнует одна вещь

00:20:39,088 --> 00:20:40,181

Что это, пап?

00:20:40,181 --> 00:20:44,489

Может обьяснишь, что делают рисомакароны в моём кофе?

00:20:46,648 --> 00:20:49,006

Баттерс, ты наказан!

00:20:49,006 --> 00:20:50,597

А, чтоб тебя.

00:20:52,700 --> 00:20:53,934

Сработало, Линда.

00:20:54,406 --> 00:20:56,631

Наш сын снова наказуем.

00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:01,680

Уважаемые ученики.

00:21:01,808 --> 00:21:10,100

В течение последней недели произошла страшная путаница, поэтому мы собрали вас, чтобы обьяснить, какая разница между готами и вампирами.

00:21:10,617 --> 00:21:12,579

Скажу прямо и чётко:

00:21:12,569 --> 00:21:18,464

Если ты ненавидишь жизнь, солнце и не можешь без курения и кофе, ты - гот.

00:21:19,152 --> 00:21:31,545

Однако, если вам нравится одеваться в чёрное, потому что это "весело", вам нравится клеить блестяшки на своё тело и вы избегаете всего, что может повредить вашему здоровью,

тогда вы скорее всего тупая вампирюга.

00:21:31,716 --> 00:21:36,243

Потому что те, кто считают их настоящими вампирами - ужасные тупари.

00:21:41,352 --> 00:21:42,241

Вы все.

00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,877

♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪

00:00:11,912 --> 00:00:13,546

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:13,580 --> 00:00:15,214

♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

00:00:15,248 --> 00:00:16,449

♪ Going down to South Park ♪

00:00:16,483 --> 00:00:18,517

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:20,152

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:21,721

♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪

00:00:21,755 --> 00:00:23,089

♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪

00:00:23,123 --> 00:00:25,124

♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,158 --> 00:00:28,361

♪ ( mumbling ) ♪

00:00:28,395 --> 00:00:29,929

♪ Come on down to South Park ♪

00:00:29,963 --> 00:00:31,297

♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪

00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,768

( school bell ringing )

00:00:35,802 --> 00:00:40,439

M'kay, so now the computer

will show a command bar.

00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:45,411

M'kay, and we type in X=Y+1 .

00:00:45,445 --> 00:00:48,814

M'kay, and then it says we hit "command Y"

00:00:48,849 --> 00:00:51,650

to bring up the menu screen.

00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:55,020

Oh, man, you've got to be kidding me.

00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:57,757

Goddamn Japs are everywhere.

00:00:57,791 --> 00:01:02,027

M'kay, now, right-click

on menu item "equate all"

00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:04,930

and type in "input 'Y."'

00:01:04,965 --> 00:01:06,766

Oh, dude, are you on America's side, Stan ?

00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:08,701

No, I'm on the Japanese side.

00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:10,836

Oh, who just shot me ?!

00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:12,605

M'kay, let's see, uh...

00:01:12,639 --> 00:01:15,641

The right click is the upper right...

00:01:15,675 --> 00:01:18,511

Uh... but then what the hell is...

00:01:18,545 --> 00:01:20,780

M'kay, kids, I'm gonna need to

get some clarification on this.

00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:22,882

Just keep entering the calculations.

00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,116

I'll be right back, m'kay.

00:01:25,652 --> 00:01:27,753

Oh, dude, I wish I had

a real flamethrower !

00:01:27,788 --> 00:01:29,054

It works awesome on Japs !

00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:32,224

Oh my God !

Oh my God !

00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:35,895

Stan...Stan, we have a big problem !

00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:36,929

Dude, what ?

00:01:36,963 --> 00:01:38,764

There's vampires in the school !

00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:39,331

What ?

00:01:39,366 --> 00:01:40,533

Vampires--

I've seen 'em !

00:01:40,567 --> 00:01:43,002

Dude, aw, who's using

the flak-jacket cheat ?!

00:01:43,036 --> 00:01:44,870

Not a cheat if you rank up !

00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:46,372

Uh !

00:01:46,406 --> 00:01:48,374

Kenny, there's a vampire on the loose !

00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:49,942

Then Katie Gelson was

hanging out with him

00:01:49,976 --> 00:01:51,777

and now she's a vampire too !

00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:53,879

Butters, there's no such thing as vampires.

00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:54,880

But there is !

00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:56,148

You guys gotta believe me !

00:01:56,183 --> 00:01:57,116

First, there was just a couple

00:01:57,150 --> 00:01:58,484

but now it's like they're growing.

00:01:58,518 --> 00:02:00,486

They have fangs and drink

blood and everything !

00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:02,421

All right, Butters, well, you go

document the vampires' movements

00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:04,490

so we know what their intentions are.

00:02:04,524 --> 00:02:06,592

Really, you think that's best ?

00:02:06,626 --> 00:02:08,093

Yeah, now get outta here.

00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:09,929

All right !

00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:11,230

If I don't make it back,

00:02:11,264 --> 00:02:13,132

tell my Mom what happened to me.

00:02:14,734 --> 00:02:17,002

Oh, ho, you got powned,

Bebe, you jap bitch !

00:02:21,208 --> 00:02:22,308

Isn't this cool ?

00:02:22,342 --> 00:02:24,043

This time of day nobody's in the gym.

00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:25,511

We should make this one of our official

00:02:25,545 --> 00:02:27,480

South Park vampire's club hangouts.

00:02:27,514 --> 00:02:29,081

That's an awesome new coat, Mike.

00:02:29,115 --> 00:02:29,915

Looks totally badass.

00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:31,083

Don't call me Mike.

00:02:31,117 --> 00:02:32,384

My name is Vampir now.

00:02:32,419 --> 00:02:33,419

Oh, that's cool.

00:02:33,453 --> 00:02:35,054

I'm gonna change my name to Vladimir !

00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:37,089

You can't, it's too close to Vampir.

00:02:40,193 --> 00:02:43,963

12:32 p.m.:

Vampires meeting in the school gymnasium...

00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:46,365

Leader appears to be a fifth-grader...

00:02:46,399 --> 00:02:48,234

You know that girl Bella in Twilight ?

00:02:48,268 --> 00:02:50,503

I think I'm like her--

I'm a psi-vampire.

00:02:50,537 --> 00:02:52,438

Do you like these sparkles I got ?

00:02:52,472 --> 00:02:55,107

Annie Bartlet is a psi-vampire...

00:02:55,141 --> 00:02:57,209

Yeah, I'm more a sanguinarian vampire,

00:02:57,244 --> 00:02:59,979

in that I rely more on the

life-force energy, per se.

00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,147

Yeah, I'm gonna be a hybrid vampire.

00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:04,750

Both psi and sanguinarian.

00:03:04,784 --> 00:03:06,051

That's Ryan Ellis.

00:03:06,086 --> 00:03:07,820

Looks like they've gotten to him too !

00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:08,754

Lunch time's almost over--

00:03:08,788 --> 00:03:10,055

should we drink some more blood ?

00:03:10,090 --> 00:03:11,156

- Cool !

- Yeah !

00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:12,224

Yeah, and then I think

00:03:12,259 --> 00:03:14,627

it's time for us to feed, per se.

00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,998

Oh, God, I think they're

gonna drink blood now !

00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,933

They've got some kind of

chalice and they're--

00:03:20,967 --> 00:03:22,735

( click - click )

00:03:24,504 --> 00:03:25,304

( loud playback )

♪ Da-da da-daaaa ♪

00:03:25,338 --> 00:03:27,806

It's the Big Texas Butters Show !

00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:30,576

And now here he is, Big Texas Butters !

00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:32,044

Why, howdy there, partners !

00:03:32,078 --> 00:03:33,846

I'm Big Texas Butters,

00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,581

and this is my horse, Toast !

00:03:35,615 --> 00:03:38,617

♪ Happy trails to you... ♪

00:03:38,652 --> 00:03:39,785

( click )

00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:41,320

Ahahghgh !

00:03:41,354 --> 00:03:43,889

Um, what are you doing ?

00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:44,490

Get back !

00:03:44,524 --> 00:03:45,524

You stay back !

00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:46,759

Agh-- wagh !

00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:50,863

The body of Christ compels you !

00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:52,431

Ahh !

00:03:52,832 --> 00:03:54,066

( school bell ringing )

00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,203

That kid was really scared of us.

00:03:58,238 --> 00:03:59,405

That's true, Bloodrayne,

00:03:59,439 --> 00:04:00,940

people are going to be frightened of us

00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:03,576

because they don't

understand our ways, per se.

00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:05,210

Yeah, we're cool, huh !

00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:11,650

What the hell are those kids doing ?

00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:13,953

Why are they dressing

like that all of a sudden ?

00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:15,688

Are they trying to be goth ?

00:04:15,722 --> 00:04:17,456

No, they're vamp.

00:04:17,490 --> 00:04:18,791

They wear plastic fangs

00:04:18,825 --> 00:04:21,193

and drink freakin' clamato juice.

00:04:21,227 --> 00:04:23,062

But they can't dress like that.

00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,097

That's our style !

00:04:25,131 --> 00:04:26,532

Hey, Tommy Petros is thinking

00:04:26,566 --> 00:04:28,367

he might wanna be a vamp kid too.

00:04:28,401 --> 00:04:30,002

Tommy Petros, is he cool ?

00:04:30,036 --> 00:04:31,070

Yeah, he's cool enough.

00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:32,871

All right.

00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:34,073

So all of a sudden

00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,608

you Justin and Britney wannabes

00:04:35,642 --> 00:04:38,644

think it's cool to dress like us ?

00:04:38,678 --> 00:04:40,179

We dress the way our souls feel.

00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:42,481

To express the darkness, per se.

00:04:42,515 --> 00:04:44,249

Aren't you Mike Mckowski ?

00:04:45,318 --> 00:04:47,920

That's Vampir Mckowski now.

00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:49,922

You kids need to all

go put your freaking

00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:53,058

Banana Republic clothes

back on right now.

00:04:53,093 --> 00:04:54,526

Hey, we're just as dark as you guys.

00:04:54,561 --> 00:04:55,861

Maybe darker !

00:04:55,895 --> 00:04:58,631

Really... do you guys even smoke ?

00:04:58,665 --> 00:05:00,799

Of course not, smoking's bad for you.

00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:02,134

[All]:

Yeah !

00:05:02,168 --> 00:05:03,902

Oh, my God.

00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:05,337

You know, you guys are really giving off

00:05:05,372 --> 00:05:06,872

a negative human energy.

00:05:06,906 --> 00:05:09,541

We prefer to take our darkness

somewhere else, per se.

00:05:09,576 --> 00:05:11,543

All right, Count Fagula, you go do that.

00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:20,886

Mom, Mom, I gotta tell you something !

00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:22,154

You're not gonna believe it !

00:05:22,188 --> 00:05:23,789

Not now, Butters, your father wants to

00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:25,157

have a talk with you in the kitchen.

00:05:25,191 --> 00:05:26,992

He is not happy.

00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:28,961

Oh, no, what'd I do this time ?

00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:31,030

You just march on in there.

00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:32,398

Oh, jeez...

00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:38,671

You see this, Butters ?

00:05:38,705 --> 00:05:41,707

It's a glass of milk I poured for myself.

00:05:41,741 --> 00:05:43,375

And you see this ?

00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:45,210

It's Hamburger Helper.

00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:49,448

Now, would you mind telling me

what Hamburger Helper

00:05:49,482 --> 00:05:52,017

is doing in this glass of milk ?

00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:55,521

Why is Hamburger Helper in

a glass of milk, Butters ?

00:05:55,555 --> 00:05:57,489

I have no idea, Sir.

00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:59,058

I'll tell you why !

00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:02,561

Our pantry is always kept

organized alphabetically.

00:06:02,595 --> 00:06:05,130

But somebody put the Hamburger Helper

00:06:05,165 --> 00:06:07,966

where the Nestle Quick is supposed to go !

00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:09,735

I'm sorry, Dad.

00:06:09,769 --> 00:06:11,670

It's just I've been really preoccupied lately !

00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:12,938

See, there's these kids at school that--

00:06:12,972 --> 00:06:15,040

What keeps a family together, Butters ?!

00:06:16,342 --> 00:06:18,010

A well-organized pantry.

00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:19,378

That's right !

00:06:19,412 --> 00:06:21,814

If you keep putting food back

under the wrong letter,

00:06:21,848 --> 00:06:23,682

it all goes wrong !

00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,684

Now you will reorganize this entire pantry

00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,619

and you will do it right !

00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:29,488

Okay, but, Dad, you gotta listen to me.

00:06:29,522 --> 00:06:31,156

Kids at school are starting to change !

00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:32,658

- They've been--

- You do it right now

00:06:32,692 --> 00:06:35,494

or you're going to be grounded,

you got that ?

00:06:35,528 --> 00:06:37,196

Yes, Sir...

00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:42,801

Jeez, nobody will even listen to me.

00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:44,136

It's like nobody even cares

00:06:44,170 --> 00:06:46,205

that there's vampires at the school.

00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:47,539

I try to help and all I ever do

00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,808

is get hollered at.

00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:52,578

I'll bet vampires never get hollered at.

00:06:52,612 --> 00:06:54,913

Vampires just get to do

whatever they want.

00:06:58,017 --> 00:07:00,152

( school bell ringing )

00:07:00,186 --> 00:07:01,987

"All mortals share a soft repose,

00:07:02,021 --> 00:07:04,389

"my soul doth dreadful vigils keep,

00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:07,526

more keen than which

hell scarcely knows."

00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:08,961

What is that kid doing ?

00:07:10,497 --> 00:07:12,297

Oh, Jesus, oh, God.

00:07:12,332 --> 00:07:14,133

Butters, what are you doing ?

00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:26,211

I... I'm Butters.

00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:30,549

So ?

00:07:30,583 --> 00:07:31,617

Oh, creatures of the night,

00:07:31,651 --> 00:07:33,285

I seek audience to engage with thee

00:07:33,319 --> 00:07:36,522

in unholy darkness and thus do...

00:07:36,556 --> 00:07:40,092

And thus do unto your bidding !

00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:41,293

What ?

00:07:41,327 --> 00:07:45,030

Oh, I wanna be a vampire.

00:07:45,064 --> 00:07:47,266

You're not cool enough to be one of us.

00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:49,201

Yeah, I know, but, uh...

00:07:49,235 --> 00:07:51,003

I think I would make a really good vampire

00:07:51,037 --> 00:07:52,437

if you just...

00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,907

just give me the opportunity.

00:07:54,941 --> 00:07:56,141

We'll think about it.

00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:58,644

Go get us some sodas out of

the pop machine in the commons.

00:07:58,678 --> 00:08:00,712

Yes, yes, anything else ?

00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:02,214

I want some Cheetos.

00:08:02,248 --> 00:08:04,149

Soda and Cheetos--

yes, I'll be right back !

00:08:05,718 --> 00:08:08,453

♪ I'm not part of your society ♪

00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:11,990

♪ I don't follow your fads and rules... ♪

00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:13,625

( kid )

Where'd it go ?

00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:14,560

You see where it went ?

00:08:14,594 --> 00:08:16,628

Yeah, it's right over there

by those vampire kids.

00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:20,666

What ?

00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:21,900

Hey ! Hey !

00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:23,468

We aren't vampire kids.

00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,604

We're freaking goth !

00:08:25,638 --> 00:08:28,841

Whatever, Dracula.

Why don't you turn into a bat or something ?

00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:30,542

So lame.

00:08:30,577 --> 00:08:32,778

So... lame.

00:08:32,812 --> 00:08:34,947

You guys-- I do not want to be grouped in

00:08:34,981 --> 00:08:37,616

with douchy little vampire kids.

00:08:37,650 --> 00:08:40,886

So lame.

00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:42,387

See, isn't it cool back here ?

00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:43,889

It's all dark and isolated !

00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:46,158

This would be a great place

for a vampire meeting !

00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:49,928

Get out of our space, you little twerps !

00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:51,230

More preppy straight-"A" students

00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:52,698

turning into vampires.

00:08:52,732 --> 00:08:54,399

What the hell is going on ?

00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:58,403

( wolf howling )

00:09:10,149 --> 00:09:11,817

I've done what you've asked.

00:09:11,851 --> 00:09:14,219

A case of Dr. Pepper

and cherry Twizzlers.

00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:15,487

Who are you gonna give this to ?

00:09:15,521 --> 00:09:17,756

I mean, vampires can't eat people food.

00:09:17,790 --> 00:09:18,957

You have done well.

00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:22,628

Are you ready to become one of us, per se ?

00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:24,263

Yeah, I guess...

00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:25,297

Are you sure ?

00:09:25,331 --> 00:09:27,065

Because once you're in

South Park Vampire Society

00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:28,967

you can't ever leave.

00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:33,605

Well, I'm sick of being pushed around...

00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,308

By my Dad...

by kids at school...

00:09:36,342 --> 00:09:39,344

Then it is time for your

transformation, per se !

00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:42,114

Let it begin !

00:09:44,617 --> 00:09:46,652

This way, prepare thyself.

00:10:12,845 --> 00:10:14,112

Whoa !

00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:16,448

And now you shall drink vampire blood

00:10:16,482 --> 00:10:19,985

and your transformation

will be complete, per se.

00:10:21,187 --> 00:10:24,289

With this, thy transformation is done !

00:10:25,758 --> 00:10:27,292

Ewww, that's tastes awful !

00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:29,294

Blah, blahg !

00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:30,562

It is finished !

00:10:30,596 --> 00:10:31,697

Welcome, Butters,

00:10:31,731 --> 00:10:33,699

to the South Park Society of Vampires !

00:10:35,101 --> 00:10:37,169

Ha...

Ha ha ha !

00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:40,339

Ahhhh ha-ha haaaa !

00:10:42,408 --> 00:10:44,142

( wolf howling )

00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:48,580

There you are, Butters !

00:10:48,614 --> 00:10:49,748

Do you know what time it is ?

00:10:49,782 --> 00:10:50,916

Where have you been ?

00:10:50,950 --> 00:10:53,518

Butters, what have you done to your hair ?

00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:56,421

Hey, Butters, we are talking to you !

00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:58,724

Explain yourself, mister !

00:10:58,758 --> 00:11:02,160

I no longer need to explain

anything to you, father.

00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:03,528

What on Earth ?!

00:11:03,563 --> 00:11:05,697

That does it, you are grounded for two weeks,

00:11:05,732 --> 00:11:06,965

you got that ?

00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,667

You can't ground me !

00:11:08,701 --> 00:11:10,869

For I am neither living nor dead !

00:11:10,903 --> 00:11:14,973

How can thy ground

that which is un-groundable ?

00:11:17,877 --> 00:11:19,544

All right, I don't know what's

gotten into you, mister,

00:11:19,579 --> 00:11:20,012

but you're gonna--

00:11:20,046 --> 00:11:21,179

Hiss !

00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:22,247

- Wagh !

- Butters !

00:11:22,281 --> 00:11:24,249

Hiss... hiss !

00:11:24,283 --> 00:11:25,751

Agh...

00:11:25,785 --> 00:11:27,285

I am going to my room now,

00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:30,255

for I must slumber, per se.

00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,894

( school bell ringing )

00:11:36,963 --> 00:11:39,664

now, kids, I understand

that you are very into this

00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,033

"vampire thing"

00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:43,368

but I don't want to see it get out of hand.

00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:44,703

You kids need to understand

00:11:44,737 --> 00:11:47,672

that your new little fad is scary to some.

00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:51,043

Oh, my God !

00:11:51,077 --> 00:11:53,145

You've got the wrong flippin' people !

00:11:53,179 --> 00:11:55,781

We aren't vampires.

00:11:55,815 --> 00:11:58,150

I know that you aren't really vampires.

00:11:58,184 --> 00:12:00,285

And I appreciate that you want to be cool

00:12:00,319 --> 00:12:03,188

because vampires are

the "in" thing right now--

00:12:03,222 --> 00:12:04,823

We aren't trying to be popular !

00:12:04,857 --> 00:12:06,591

But just make sure that this new little trend

00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:07,959

doesn't become a distraction.

00:12:07,994 --> 00:12:10,495

Here's a couple more,

Principal Victoria, m'kay.

00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:13,065

Oh, no, are we in trouble ?

00:12:13,099 --> 00:12:14,466

I was just telling your friends

00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:15,801

about what I expect--

00:12:15,835 --> 00:12:18,170

We aren't friends.

00:12:18,204 --> 00:12:19,604

Don't worry, Ma'am.

00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:21,940

As I was just explaining to my new minions

00:12:21,974 --> 00:12:23,675

vampires are actually very spiritual

00:12:23,709 --> 00:12:25,977

and deep beings, per se.

00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,849

Allison Mertz is a vampire kid now ?

00:12:30,883 --> 00:12:32,918

This thing isn't going to stop.

00:12:32,952 --> 00:12:35,954

Let's just face it, they bogarted our style.

00:12:35,988 --> 00:12:38,490

Everyone's gonna think we're trying

to be butthole vampires now.

00:12:38,524 --> 00:12:40,425

We might as well go to the frickin' Gap

00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:42,727

and just buy normal clothes.

00:12:47,066 --> 00:12:53,472

Well, at least nobody can refer

to us as vampire kids now.

00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:54,973

It went this way ?

00:12:55,007 --> 00:12:55,907

Yeah, it's over there

00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:58,043

by that fat girl,

the big-nose kid, the midget

00:12:58,077 --> 00:13:00,812

and the kid with pock marks on his face.

00:13:02,882 --> 00:13:04,749

So we're back to that, are we ?

00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,751

Shit.

00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:09,121

Let's get out of these freakin' Gap clothes.

00:13:14,894 --> 00:13:16,728

Hsss !

00:13:16,762 --> 00:13:19,931

Sorry, Eric, but I'm a vampire now

00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:23,001

and I can no longer survive on human food.

00:13:23,035 --> 00:13:26,071

And if someone must die so that I can feed...

00:13:26,105 --> 00:13:28,473

I choose thee.

00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:29,941

Hsss !

00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:36,448

Hmm, wonder what side

I'm supposed to do it on ?

00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:38,650

Aw, probably doesn't matter.

00:13:38,684 --> 00:13:42,220

( slurping quietly )

00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:44,322

Butters ?

00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:45,090

Butters !

00:13:45,124 --> 00:13:48,693

I can't do it !

00:13:48,728 --> 00:13:50,495

Dude, gross, you got spit all over my neck !

00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:53,031

Mom, Butters just gave me a hickey !

00:13:53,065 --> 00:13:53,732

I'm so hungry

00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:56,568

but just remembering how

that blood tasted before--

00:13:56,602 --> 00:13:58,537

blood is all clammy and tomatoey.

00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:00,438

It makes me wanna--

00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:01,673

bleahh !

00:14:01,707 --> 00:14:02,474

Dude !

00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:04,576

Are you all right, sweetie ?

00:14:04,610 --> 00:14:06,244

Hissss !

00:14:07,780 --> 00:14:09,014

Ughn !

00:14:09,248 --> 00:14:10,582

( crash )

Ow !

00:14:10,616 --> 00:14:12,717

What's going on ?

00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:14,486

Well, Mom, apparently Butters is gay,

00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:15,720

finds me very attractive

00:14:15,755 --> 00:14:17,289

and confused about his sexual identity

00:14:17,323 --> 00:14:18,990

puked up all over my floor.

00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:20,158

Oh, dear.

00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:21,459

Yes.

00:14:26,098 --> 00:14:28,200

I walked into the cafeteria today...

00:14:28,234 --> 00:14:30,101

Rebecca Miller and Phillip Rust

00:14:30,136 --> 00:14:32,370

were dressed like vampires,

drinking clamato juice

00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:34,706

with four kids from the football team.

00:14:34,740 --> 00:14:35,941

Jesus.

00:14:35,975 --> 00:14:39,477

It's like there's more vampire

kids every freakin' day.

00:14:39,512 --> 00:14:40,478

Why is this happening ?

00:14:40,513 --> 00:14:42,080

I mean, why now ?

00:14:42,114 --> 00:14:43,448

Doesn't matter why.

00:14:43,482 --> 00:14:44,883

Pretty soon the whole school

00:14:44,917 --> 00:14:45,817

is going to be an endless hive

00:14:45,851 --> 00:14:48,553

of conformist happy-go-lucky

vampire wannabes.

00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:52,257

It seems like that preppy

Mike Mckowski kid started all this.

00:14:52,291 --> 00:14:54,459

Maybe he's the way to stopping it.

00:14:54,493 --> 00:14:55,794

What do you mean ?

00:14:55,828 --> 00:14:58,363

I mean, what do you do

when you want to

00:14:58,397 --> 00:15:01,032

change vampires back to normal ?

00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:03,368

You get rid of the head vampire.

00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:13,745

Does your Mom know you took her car ?

00:15:13,779 --> 00:15:15,280

Do I care ?

00:15:16,382 --> 00:15:18,183

All right, this is probably good enough.

00:15:18,217 --> 00:15:19,818

Yeah, pull over here.

00:15:26,225 --> 00:15:27,859

Please, what do you want ?

00:15:27,893 --> 00:15:29,094

Let me go !

00:15:30,796 --> 00:15:32,631

What should we do with him ?

00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:34,099

Well, if he's a vampire,

00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:36,868

I guess we should drive

a stake through his heart.

00:15:36,902 --> 00:15:39,070

Nooo ! No, I'm not a vampire !

00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:41,306

I'm not a vampire !

00:15:41,340 --> 00:15:42,240

What's that ?

00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:44,009

I'm not really a vampire !

00:15:44,043 --> 00:15:46,011

You're not really a vampire ?

00:15:46,045 --> 00:15:47,078

Really ?

00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:48,513

I'm so freaking shocked.

00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:51,950

If we get the right packaging

00:15:51,984 --> 00:15:54,719

we can just Fedex him

somewhere far away.

00:15:54,754 --> 00:15:56,921

How about we send him to Transylvania ?

00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,290

Nah, he'd probably see it

00:15:58,324 --> 00:15:59,324

as something to brag about someday

00:15:59,358 --> 00:16:01,426

to his little vampire buddies.

00:16:01,460 --> 00:16:03,295

If we're gonna send him somewhere,

00:16:03,329 --> 00:16:04,562

it should be the most horrible,

00:16:04,597 --> 00:16:06,431

most miserable place on Earth.

00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:09,934

[all]:

Scottsdale !

00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:16,174

Butters ?

00:16:16,208 --> 00:16:19,210

We just got a call from Mrs. Cartman !

00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:20,412

Butters ?

00:16:20,446 --> 00:16:23,381

Unbelievable, he's locked the door.

00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:25,583

Butters, this is your father !

00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:27,619

Explain why you snuck into

another boy's bedroom

00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:29,688

and gave him a hickey !

00:16:29,722 --> 00:16:32,157

Butters ?

00:16:32,191 --> 00:16:34,492

Butters, you open this door right now !

00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:37,896

( panting )

What have I done to myself ?

00:16:37,930 --> 00:16:41,833

I should have known I wouldn't have

the stomach to be a vampire.

00:16:41,867 --> 00:16:43,501

I'm so hungry.

00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:46,604

Butters, you have five seconds

to unlock this door !

00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:48,440

One... two !

00:16:48,474 --> 00:16:50,508

( lock clicking )

00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:01,319

Uh...B-Butters ?

00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:02,253

Hey, Dad.

00:17:02,288 --> 00:17:03,855

Ahghggh !

00:17:03,889 --> 00:17:05,223

Butters, did you get gay

00:17:05,257 --> 00:17:07,025

with one of your schoolmates tonight ?

00:17:07,059 --> 00:17:09,561

I have to eat, but I can't do it.

00:17:09,595 --> 00:17:10,929

I'm getting weak.

00:17:10,963 --> 00:17:13,765

All right, now you listen

and you listen good.

00:17:13,799 --> 00:17:15,834

Until you stop behaving this way,

00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:18,470

you are not going to leave this room !

00:17:18,504 --> 00:17:20,438

Do you understand ?

00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:21,740

Agh!

00:17:25,444 --> 00:17:26,678

Hiss !

00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:28,446

I know now what I have to do !

00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:29,481

Blagh !

00:17:31,917 --> 00:17:35,420

Stephen, what has happened to our boy ?

00:17:35,454 --> 00:17:38,022

He's become something, Linda.

00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,758

Something that...

00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:41,860

we cannot ground.

00:17:50,035 --> 00:17:52,470

I just don't get it.

00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:54,973

We sent the head vampire kid to Scottsdale

00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:56,775

but still more and more kids

00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:58,810

are dressing up like vampires.

00:17:58,844 --> 00:18:00,879

He must not have been

what was causing it.

00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:02,614

It must be something else.

00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:03,882

Hey, you kids gonna order any food

00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:06,217

or just sit there and drink

coffee all night again ?

00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:07,752

Leave us alone.

00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:10,288

Bad enough I always get

stuck with you goth kids.

00:18:10,322 --> 00:18:12,991

Now I got goth kids in my entire section !

00:18:13,025 --> 00:18:15,727

( giggling )

( giggling )

00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:16,728

They aren't goth !

00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:18,963

They're douchy little vampire kids !

00:18:18,998 --> 00:18:20,799

Looks the same to me.

00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:23,268

I bet they aren't even drinking coffee.

00:18:23,302 --> 00:18:25,403

No, they said they're

too young to drink caffeine

00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,038

so they're having orange juice.

00:18:30,476 --> 00:18:32,277

Let's go over there and tell them

00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:35,213

they are not taking Village Inn from us too !

00:18:35,247 --> 00:18:37,682

Forget it, it's over, all right !

00:18:37,716 --> 00:18:39,050

There's too many of them now,

00:18:39,084 --> 00:18:40,585

we can't stop them.

00:18:40,619 --> 00:18:42,253

Let's just face it.

00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:44,956

The freakin' vampires beat us.

00:18:44,990 --> 00:18:46,558

Maybe not.

00:18:46,592 --> 00:18:47,692

Hsss !

00:18:47,726 --> 00:18:48,960

Did you say...

00:18:48,994 --> 00:18:51,396

you're trying to get rid of the vampires ?

00:18:51,430 --> 00:18:52,997

I want to help you.

00:18:53,032 --> 00:18:54,632

Get away, douche bag.

00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:56,134

Some legends say...

00:18:56,168 --> 00:18:58,403

that if you destroy the vampires' lair...

00:18:58,437 --> 00:19:01,039

The vampires go back

to being human again...

00:19:01,073 --> 00:19:02,407

What are you talking about ?

00:19:02,441 --> 00:19:03,775

I can take you...

00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:08,613

to the place where kids are being

transformed into vampires.

00:19:12,117 --> 00:19:15,220

Agh-- Hot Topic...when did this open ?

00:19:15,254 --> 00:19:16,521

Two weeks ago.

00:19:16,555 --> 00:19:19,824

It used to be a Banana Republic.

00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:22,393

Of course, freakin' Hot Topic.

00:19:22,428 --> 00:19:23,928

That explains everything.

00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:25,497

How did we not figure that out ?

00:19:25,531 --> 00:19:27,398

Of course a new Hot Topic

must have come to town--

00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:29,067

duh !

00:19:29,101 --> 00:19:32,437

Well, I think we all know

what has to be done.

00:19:32,471 --> 00:19:34,506

Yup, let's get to it.

00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:45,483

♪ Burn, burn down

burn down Hot Topic ♪

00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:49,287

♪ Don't let it steal your soul away ♪

00:19:49,321 --> 00:19:51,055

Hey, what the hell are you doing ?!

00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:52,557

You should probably get out of here.

00:19:52,591 --> 00:19:54,592

♪ Light the fire ♪

00:19:54,627 --> 00:19:55,727

♪ Take control ♪

00:19:55,761 --> 00:19:58,897

♪ Burn down burn down Hot Topic ♪

00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:02,033

♪ Don't let it take your soul ♪

00:20:02,067 --> 00:20:03,568

What the hell are they doing ?

00:20:03,602 --> 00:20:05,236

They're putting an end to it !

00:20:05,271 --> 00:20:06,971

Ahghghggh !

00:20:07,006 --> 00:20:08,773

♪ And take control ♪

00:20:08,807 --> 00:20:15,446

♪ Burnin' down Hot Topic ♪

00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:19,317

Mom, Dad !

00:20:19,351 --> 00:20:21,052

I've changed back !

00:20:21,086 --> 00:20:21,920

What ?

00:20:21,954 --> 00:20:23,621

Goth kids burnt down the Hot Topic

00:20:23,656 --> 00:20:25,123

and sure enough, soon as they did,

00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:27,425

I tried eating a hot dog

and it tasted good !

00:20:27,459 --> 00:20:30,061

My vampire teeth even

fell out when I bit into it !

00:20:30,095 --> 00:20:31,729

I'm human again !

00:20:31,764 --> 00:20:33,831

We have no idea what you're

talking about, Butters,

00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:35,533

but we're glad you're home !

00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:36,701

That's right, son.

00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:38,336

There's only one thing I care about--

00:20:38,370 --> 00:20:39,737

What's that, Dad ?

00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:41,673

Well, would you mind

telling me why there's

00:20:41,707 --> 00:20:45,076

Rice-A-Roni in my coffee !?

00:20:45,110 --> 00:20:46,177

Uh-oh.

00:20:46,211 --> 00:20:48,346

Butters, you are grounded !

00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:50,582

Awwww, dang it !

00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:53,952

It worked, Linda.

00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:55,920

Our son is groundable once more.

00:20:59,992 --> 00:21:01,459

Fellow students,

00:21:01,493 --> 00:21:03,494

over the past week,

there's been a lot of confusion

00:21:03,529 --> 00:21:05,630

and so we have asked for this assembly

00:21:05,664 --> 00:21:08,199

to clarify the difference between goth kids

00:21:08,233 --> 00:21:10,001

and vampire kids.

00:21:10,035 --> 00:21:12,403

Let us make it abundantly clear:

00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:14,539

if you hate life, truly hate the sun

00:21:14,573 --> 00:21:16,841

and need to smoke and drink coffee

00:21:16,875 --> 00:21:18,843

you are goth.

00:21:18,877 --> 00:21:20,612

If, however, you like dressing in black

00:21:20,646 --> 00:21:21,946

'cause it's fun,

00:21:21,981 --> 00:21:23,848

enjoy putting sparkles on your cheeks

00:21:23,882 --> 00:21:24,983

and following the occult

00:21:25,017 --> 00:21:27,485

while avoiding things

that are bad for your health

00:21:27,519 --> 00:21:28,620

then you are most likely

00:21:28,654 --> 00:21:31,222

a douche bag vampire-wannabe boner.

00:21:31,256 --> 00:21:33,825

Because anybody who thinks

they are actually a vampire

00:21:33,859 --> 00:21:35,426

is freaking retarded.

00:21:38,030 --> 00:21:40,465

( cheers & applause )

00:21:40,499 --> 00:21:42,166

Fuck all of you.