Пандемия 2: Потрясение

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Перевод Redcord

Тайминг Youzer

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Вы не должны пропустить это

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Что происходит, пап?

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Чтобы выжить нужно бежать!

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Господи! Я так напуган...

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Пандемия 2.

Страх и Ужас

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Меня зовут Крэйг Такер.

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На прошлой неделе был мой день рождения.

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Моя бабушка дала мне чек на 100 долларов. Я был так счастлив.

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Но потом пришли четверо ребят со школы и сказали,

что мне следует вложить мои 100 баксов в перуанскую флейтовую группу.

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Они обещали удвоить мои деньги за один день,

но правительство арестовало нас

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и отправило в лагерь в Майами вместе с остальными перуанскими флейтовыми группами.

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Мы попросились домой, но вместо этого правительство послало нас в Перу.

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И поэтому я сейчас в Перу

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Если я умру, пусть все знают, что это из-за четырёх одноклассников

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которые мне даже не нравятся, и которые наврали мне и забрали мои деньги,

подаренные на день рождения.

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Мы не врали, Крейг, это была шикарная идея.

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Ага, откуда ж мы знали, что флейтовые группы объявят вне закона?

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Я не понимаю, они сказали, что здесь нас встретят военные.

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Это место, где нам сказали приземлиться.

Можешь позвонить в Вашингтон?

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Пытаюсь.

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Это Конер из Вашингтона.

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Эй, Конер, парни из гос. безопасности приказали нам начать операцию.

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Но здесь нас никто не встретил... Нас как будто отправили на необитаемый остров.

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Господи! Они везде!

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Что везде?

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Такие пушистые...

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Они атакуют...

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Каждый город...

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Люди умирают...

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Морские свинки... повсюду...

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Морские свинки?

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Их не остановить...

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Надо уходить...

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Я только что съел...

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Орех... он застрял в моём...

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Горле... Нельзя есть орехи, когда напуган...

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У меня видеокамера, снова её включил.

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ОК.

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- Это Рэнди Марш

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Я снимаю сам себя.

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20 минут назад какие-то

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огромные создания атаковали наш город.

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За окном всё еще хаос.

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Я еле-еле смог добраться до дома.

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Шерон здесь, со мной.

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А вот Шелли. Помаши в камеру, Шелли.

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Рэнди, ты уберёшь эту камеру? Нам надо что-то делать.

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Я не знаю, что делать, я так напуган.

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Надо посмотреть, что говорят в новостях.

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Это кадры из Нью-Йорка, который также атакуют гигантские морские свинки.

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Морские свинки?

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Сообщения об атаках приходят из большинства городов мира.

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Господи, эта хрень творится по всему миру.

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Посмотри на эту штуковину.

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Рэнди, что же нам делать?

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Боже мой боже мой боже мой!

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Беги, Ренди, беги!

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Надо убираться!

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Майклс? Харрисон? Кто-нибудь?

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Ничего

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Спутник сдох, а RCU не отвечает.

Что бы там не происходило, это что-то ужасное.

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Так, ещё раз, давайте разберёмся:

Глава гос. безопасности приказал лететь в Перу нам,

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пятерым детям. Но вы приземлились высоко в перуанских Андах,

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чтобы другие люди правительства могли встретить нас и

каким-то макаром объяснить нам, как пройти в столицу

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Перу, Лиму. И убрать их правительство.

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Да, такой был приказ.

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По-вашему это имеет смысл?

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Нет, совсем не имеет.

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На самом деле вся эта лабуда с флейтистами ни для кого из нас не имела смысла.

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Да всё, что наговорил глава гос. безопасности - фигня полная.

Так вы можете взять нас домой, пожалуйста?

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Ты не понял... Здесь нас должен был встретить бензовоз для дозаправки.

У нас не достаточно топлива, чтобы куда-либо лететь.

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Блин, зашибись.

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Нам нужно выбираться отсюда по-другому.

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Давай, погнали.

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Во веселье-то какое. Давайте пройдём километры по жутким джунглям.

Ситуация становится всё лучше и лучше!

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Слушай, Крейг, нехороший у тебя настрой.

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Точняк.

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Никто не хочет тусоваться с людьми, которые всё время жалуются.

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Посмотри, ни одного огонька.

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Как будто в этой части Перу никогда не было людей.

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Всё больше морских свинок наступают со всех сторон.

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Мы посмотрели в Википедии и выяснили, что морские свинки родом с Андов, вот здесь.

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А что с флейтовыми группами? Они на пути в Гуантанамо?

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Сэр, у нас по ходу более серьёзные проблемы, чем флейтовые группы.

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Их погрузили на лодки или нет?!

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Нет, сэр. Мы направили все ресурсы на борьбу с морскими свинками.

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Это был приказ! Флейтовые группы должны были отплыть к Гуантанамо прошлой ночью!

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Пока я тут главный! Я хочу чтобы флейтовые группы плыли на лодках к Гуантанамо!

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Да, сэр

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Я не вижу причин кричать.

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Куда нам идти, Рэнди?

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Мы должны убраться из города. Идём сюда.

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- О Господи!

- Рэнди, беги!

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Окей. Мы бежим.

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Вот бегут Шерон и Шелли. Помаши в камеру, Шелли.

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Папа!

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Давай, туда!

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О Боже, Боже, я так напуган... Ты напугана, шерон?

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Рэнди! Убери...

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- Оно убьёт нас!

- Пригнись, Шелли. Оно сюда не пойдёт.

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Они так красивы снаружи автобуса.

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Рэнди! Куда ты?!

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Рэнди!

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Что, черт возьми, ты делаешь?!

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Я сделал очень удачный снимок, Шерон.

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Я не знаю, что делать, Ленски. Эта область Перу даже не обозначена на картах.

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Посмотри на размер этого фрукта.

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Может это персик?

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А может яблоки?

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Смотри сюда.

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Они выглядят как... пчелиные соты.

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Боже мой!

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Чел, что это за место?

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Это похоже на неизвестную долину, где остановилось время, где всё вырастает до огромных размеров.

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Жесть. Я решил пойти за вами, и сейчас я в затерянном мире гигантов.

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Крейг, это не наша вина. Ты говоришь так, будто бы мы хотели попасть в такую ситацию. У нас не было выбора.

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Ага, бывает.

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Бывает.

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Правильно.

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Правительство послало нас захватить Лиму, а вместо этого мы попали в гигантский затерянный мир.

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Ты прав.

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Вы знаете, что случается с большинством детей?

Они падают со своих велосипедов,

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дерутся со своими родителями. Они тратят свои деньги, подаренные на днюху.

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Слушай, где бы мы ни были, нам лучше продолжать идти.

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Эй, берегись!

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Итак, вот Шерон и Шелли на крыше BestBuy

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Мы... мы прибежали сюда, чтобы уйти с улиц. Семья Стотчей также здесь прячется.

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Это Крис и Линда. И их сын Баттерс

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Привет!

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Что это? Крис, что это?!

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Это... это новый звук.

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О Боже, смотрите!

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Это не морские свинки.

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Уходим с крыши!

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Давай, пошли.

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Теперь нам сообщают о гигантских пчёлах.

Гигантские пчёлы были замечены в США и Европе

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Бегите, тут повсюду пчёлы!

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Ещё одна вон там.

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Оно ужалило меня, ужалило!

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О, вот это напугало меня, это реально пугающе.

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Я думаю, мы просто углубляемся в горы.

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Да, может нам пойти вот сюда?

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Вот дерьмо-то, а.

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Эй, посмотрите сюда.

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Что это за штука?

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Я не знаю. Старая похоже.

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Давайте посмотрим, что там.

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Давайте посмотрим, что там.

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Вот почему вы, пацаны, попадаете в такие ситуации.

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Потому что когда вы находите страшные древние руины, вы говорите

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"Давайте посмотрим, что там."

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Может мы так выберемся, Крейг.

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Да, мистер Ноющие Штаны.

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Wow!

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Я не думаю, что тут никого не было на протяжение веков.

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Да... охренеть.

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Пацаны, зацените, стена с древними рисунками.

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Это стена с древними рисунками.

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Чел, это же перуанcкая флейтовая группа.

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Я знаю, смотри:

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звуки флейты прогоняют гигантских морских свинок.

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Вот блин, смотри:

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Флейтистов посадили в тюрягу. Как раз это и случилось.

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А потом морские свинки убивают людей. Затем...

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Блин, это же Крейг!

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Чё?

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Это Крейг.

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Крейг, чувак, что происходит?

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Без понятия...

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Может объяснишь, что ты делаешь на древней стене инков, Крейг?

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Я не знаю.

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Приходят сообщения о том, что в США и Канаде появляются огромные пчелиные соты.

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В Европе и Китае морские свинки убили десятки тысяч человек.

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И как наши попытки остановить их?

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Безуспешно, сэр. Мы не можем их остановить, мы потеряли контроль над ситуацией.

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Ха-ха-ха-ха-ха-ха-ха-ха

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Ээ.. сэр?

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Простите, просто вспомнил смешную шутку.

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Ладно, готовьте самолёты,

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мне надо на Мачу-Пикчу.

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Мачу-Пикчу, сэр?

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Да, мне надо на Мачу-Пикчу, оглох что ли?

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Сэр, а как нам поможет Мачу-Пикчу?

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Я тут главный или нет?

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Мы в бакалее. Некоторые из выживших тоже здесь.

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Мы можем выбраться через шоссе?

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Шоссе заблокировано морскими крысками.

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Морскими крысками?

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В смысле, морскими крысками?

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Существуют морские свинки, но также есть морские пчёлки, морские крыски.

Я видел несколько морских паучков снаружи.

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Рэнди, хорош уже!

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Слушайте, нам нужно найти путь наружу под городом.

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Через канализацию? Там не может быть безопасно.

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О Боже, что же нам делать?

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Что-то снаружи магазина!

00:13:16,277 --> 00:13:18,602

Морские кролики! Они внутри!

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Аааа, они везде, помогите мне!

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Нет, Трэвис, нет!

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Мы не можем ему помочь.

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Там что-то ещё!

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- Это морской медведко!

- Нет, это морская мышка, дурень!

00:13:43,076 --> 00:13:44,477

Помогите!

00:13:44,478 --> 00:13:46,610

Рэнди, кладовка, мы должы попасть в кладовку.

00:13:54,103 --> 00:13:59,830

- Мам, я ничего не вижу.

- Все нормально, Шелли. Папочка включит режим ночной сьёмки.

00:13:59,831 --> 00:14:04,231

Вот... Окей.

АААА!

00:14:04,232 --> 00:14:05,443

Что что что что?

00:14:05,444 --> 00:14:07,799

Прости, просто я сам себя напугал.

00:14:09,237 --> 00:14:10,494

АААА...

00:14:12,885 --> 00:14:14,932

Давайте пойдем тут, пацаны.

00:14:15,180 --> 00:14:17,532

Слышите? Похоже на воду.

00:14:17,533 --> 00:14:19,166

Ага, вон там.

00:14:29,940 --> 00:14:30,923

Это шикарно!

00:14:30,924 --> 00:14:32,366

Давай, пошли.

00:14:32,795 --> 00:14:33,715

Нет.

00:14:34,159 --> 00:14:35,814

Ч.. Что ты имеешь в виду - нет?

00:14:36,297 --> 00:14:39,006

Я больше за вами не иду, пацаны.

00:14:39,536 --> 00:14:41,632

Чел, нам надо туда сходить!

00:14:42,026 --> 00:14:43,098

Почему?

00:14:44,292 --> 00:14:47,092

Ну... потому.

00:14:47,093 --> 00:14:54,548

Каждый раз, когда случается что-то плохое, вы пацаны всё только усугубляете, и всё "потому".

00:14:54,673 --> 00:14:58,702

Эй, это не мы нарисованы на стене древнего храма, засранец.

00:14:58,703 --> 00:15:02,142

Меня не волнует. Я закончил.

00:15:02,143 --> 00:15:04,719

Я больше не буду в этом всём участвовать.

00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:07,219

И как ты это сделаешь?

00:15:07,253 --> 00:15:09,471

Легко. Смотри.

00:15:19,279 --> 00:15:20,704

Крейг, чувак, подожди!

00:15:25,112 --> 00:15:27,145

Крейг, нам надо вернуться.

00:15:27,402 --> 00:15:28,146

Нет.

00:15:31,963 --> 00:15:33,728

Эй, смотрите, тут что-то есть.

00:15:33,729 --> 00:15:34,664

Нет.

00:15:40,143 --> 00:15:42,961

Чувак, это уже надоело

00:15:43,616 --> 00:15:46,846

Точно. Красиво и скучно. Мне нравится.

00:15:50,343 --> 00:15:54,126

Прошло 3 дня, с тех пор, как морские свинки и морские пчёлки напали на нас.

00:15:54,143 --> 00:15:58,250

Морские кролики заполонили всё... вместе с морскими пантерками.

00:15:58,559 --> 00:16:03,832

Мы укрылись в сарае. Вот Шерон и Шелли. Скажите "привет".

00:16:06,008 --> 00:16:08,625

Что это? Что это??

00:16:08,626 --> 00:16:10,548

Я посмотрю.

00:16:10,549 --> 00:16:11,412

Что это?

00:16:11,616 --> 00:16:13,703

Это морскосвинаурус рекс!

00:16:22,437 --> 00:16:23,529

Боже!

00:16:23,909 --> 00:16:25,112

Смотри!

00:16:30,746 --> 00:16:33,156

Господи! Они не могут убить его!

00:16:34,136 --> 00:16:36,570

Что ты думаешь о морскосвинаурусе рексе, Шелли?

00:16:39,241 --> 00:16:43,333

Это хорошо. Вот шелли и морскосвинаурус рекс на заднем плане.

00:16:43,334 --> 00:16:45,717

Повернись, Шелли.

00:16:45,718 --> 00:16:49,170

О, я знаю, подними ладонь так, чтобы она как будто бы держала морскосвинауруса рекса.

00:16:49,451 --> 00:16:50,497

Шелли?

00:16:50,498 --> 00:16:51,437

Рэнди!!!

00:16:51,438 --> 00:16:56,096

Убери нахрен эту камеру!

00:16:56,097 --> 00:16:59,146

Шерон, ты будешь очень рада посотреть семейное видео.

00:17:06,709 --> 00:17:08,364

Подождите минутку.

00:17:13,627 --> 00:17:18,742

Узри! Я стою на твоей драгоценной земле.

00:17:18,843 --> 00:17:21,969

Я долго ждал этого момента.

00:17:28,608 --> 00:17:30,341

Что он делает?

00:17:30,620 --> 00:17:34,660

Какое теперь твоё пророчество?

Ничто не может меня остановить!

00:17:39,849 --> 00:17:41,402

Крэйг!!!

00:17:42,281 --> 00:17:44,318

Нет! Как ты сюда попал?

00:17:44,319 --> 00:17:47,825

Эй, это тот засранец, который послал нас в джунгли в никуда..

00:17:47,886 --> 00:17:50,084

Сэр, всё в порядке?

00:17:50,085 --> 00:17:51,086

Пристрелите их!

00:17:51,287 --> 00:17:52,313

Пристрелить?

00:17:52,314 --> 00:17:55,185

Это сбежавшая перуанская группа. Мы должны держать их вместе.

00:17:55,186 --> 00:17:59,869

Нет, нет, послушайте меня. Перуанские флейтовые группы охраняли нас от морских созданий...

00:17:59,870 --> 00:18:03,229

Что бы ни происходило в мире, происходит из-за того, что вы избавились от всех флетовых групп.

00:18:03,528 --> 00:18:04,773

Я сказал, пристрелить их!

00:18:04,774 --> 00:18:07,725

Идите посмотрите, это всё древнее пророчество инков.

00:18:08,074 --> 00:18:09,425

Может нам следует посмотреть на него, сэр?

00:18:09,526 --> 00:18:14,382

Будь ты проклят, Крейг!

00:18:14,824 --> 00:18:16,417

Я ничего не сказал.

00:18:16,418 --> 00:18:20,971

Видишь ли, тысячи лет хордовые животные жили в "морской" долине Перу.

00:18:20,972 --> 00:18:23,986

Инки научились держать существа в страхе,

00:18:23,987 --> 00:18:29,276

играя на флейтах. Морские ненавидели флейтовую музыку больше, чем сами люди.

00:18:29,277 --> 00:18:35,609

Но пророчество гласило, что в один день эти существа освободятся, и что я этому поспособствую.

00:18:35,610 --> 00:18:38,309

Инки предсказали, что мир будет спасён...

00:18:38,310 --> 00:18:43,621

Крейгом.

Но эта часть пророчества никогда не сбудется.

00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:46,307

Ибо ты умрёшь на этой горе.

00:18:49,490 --> 00:18:52,564

Вы... вы типа монстр.

00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:54,509

Нее, куда хуже.

00:18:54,510 --> 00:19:00,802

Морские пчёлки, морские кролики, морскозаурусы рексы...

Я - кое-что более ужасное.

00:19:07,204 --> 00:19:09,122

Морской пиратик!

00:19:09,418 --> 00:19:10,544

Господи Боже!

00:19:10,545 --> 00:19:15,088

Сэр, я обещаю вам, я не собираюсь рушить ваш план.

00:19:15,089 --> 00:19:18,057

Я просто уйду. Видите?

00:19:31,796 --> 00:19:35,181

Окей, а сейчас у меня из глаз идут искры.

00:19:35,534 --> 00:19:38,141

Будь ты проклят, Крейг!

00:19:38,748 --> 00:19:41,116

Арараа...

00:19:54,350 --> 00:19:56,558

Меня зовут Крейг Такер.

00:19:56,630 --> 00:20:00,709

На прошлой неделе я остановил морского пиратика, который хотел захватить Землю.

00:20:01,353 --> 00:20:04,473

Все перуанские флейтовые группы были освобождены.

00:20:05,241 --> 00:20:08,697

И загнали всех морских обратно в Анды.

00:20:11,115 --> 00:20:14,701

Много людей погибло, но человечество выжило.

00:20:15,509 --> 00:20:21,683

По всему миру были найдены выжившие.

Они - свидетели жесткого террора.

00:20:22,188 --> 00:20:27,303

Эй эй смотри! Что за?

00:20:29,008 --> 00:20:33,973

Морской пиратик выжил, но был отправлен в тюрьму до конца своих дней.

00:20:34,563 --> 00:20:39,930

И люди по всему миру стали поддерживать местные перуанские флейтовые группы.

00:20:40,305 --> 00:20:45,223

И покупать их диски.

Чтобы они защищали нас от морских созданий.

00:20:46,312 --> 00:20:52,494

Что касается меня - я вернулся домой, благодаря гос. безопасности. Мои родители были так счастливы.

00:20:53,297 --> 00:20:59,617

Я понял, что мы не всегда можем контролировать то, что с нами происходит. Все мы - актёры в этой жизни.

00:21:00,705 --> 00:21:05,121

А также я никогда не буду слушать людей, которые пришли просить денег.

00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:10,336

Вот засранец!

00:21:10,337 --> 00:21:11,678

Ага, жопа с ручкой.

00:21:18,542 --> 00:21:20,523

Сэр, сэр, у нас проблема.

00:21:20,524 --> 00:21:22,079

Что на этот раз?

00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:29,293

Бывший директор гос. безопасности, оказавшийся морской свинкой, напал на охранников и сбежал из своей камеры.

00:21:30,064 --> 00:21:32,204

Мой Бог, ты хочешь сказать, что...

00:21:32,205 --> 00:21:35,357

Да, сэр, оно сбежало из тюрьмы...

00:00:09,910 --> 00:00:11,944

♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪

00:00:11,978 --> 00:00:13,546

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:13,580 --> 00:00:15,214

♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

00:00:15,248 --> 00:00:16,482

♪ Going down to South Park ♪

00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:18,517

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:20,186

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:20,220 --> 00:00:21,887

♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪

00:00:21,922 --> 00:00:23,155

♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪

00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:25,157

♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,192 --> 00:00:28,494

♪ ( mumbling ) ♪

00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:29,762

♪ Come on down to South Park ♪

00:00:29,796 --> 00:00:31,430

♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪

00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,034

( crowd screaming )

00:00:35,068 --> 00:00:36,235

( siren blaring )

00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:39,038

What's going on, Dad ?

00:00:39,072 --> 00:00:41,440

Mr. Marsh, you have to move, it isn't--

00:00:42,743 --> 00:00:44,910

( Randy panting )

00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:47,012

( screaming )

00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,148

( car alarm blaring )

00:00:49,182 --> 00:00:50,449

( Randy )

Oh, God.

00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:54,420

I'm... I'm so startled.

00:00:54,454 --> 00:00:55,888

( panting )

00:00:55,922 --> 00:00:57,256

Aghgh !

00:01:04,264 --> 00:01:06,766

( Craig )

My name is Craig Tucker.

00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,268

Last week was my birthday.

00:01:09,302 --> 00:01:11,737

My Grandma gave me a check for $100.

00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:13,873

I was so happy.

00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:17,109

But then, four kids from school

came to my house

00:01:17,144 --> 00:01:21,547

and said I should use

my $100 to invest in becoming

00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:23,883

a Peruvian flute band.

00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:26,886

They promised I would double

my money in one afternoon.

00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,421

But the government arrested us,

00:01:28,455 --> 00:01:30,689

along with all the other

Peruvian flute bands,

00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:33,325

and took us to an

internment camp in Miami.

00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:34,527

We begged to go home.

00:01:34,561 --> 00:01:35,961

But instead, the government told us

00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:38,264

they were sending us to Peru.

00:01:38,298 --> 00:01:39,765

( bird squawking )

00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:44,203

And so that is why I am now in Peru.

00:01:44,237 --> 00:01:46,172

If I die, let it be known that it is

00:01:46,206 --> 00:01:48,941

because four guys I don't

even like from school

00:01:48,975 --> 00:01:51,510

lied to me and took my birthday money.

00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:53,512

We didn't lie, Craig, it was a sweet idea !

00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:55,114

Yeah, how were we supposed to know

00:01:55,148 --> 00:01:57,683

that pan-flute bands would be outlawed ?

00:01:57,717 --> 00:01:58,417

I don't get it.

00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:00,152

They said the military would meet us here.

00:02:00,187 --> 00:02:02,087

This is where they told us to land.

00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,456

Can you get through to Washington ?

00:02:03,490 --> 00:02:04,690

I'm trying.

00:02:04,724 --> 00:02:06,158

( man )

This is Conner in Washington !

00:02:06,193 --> 00:02:08,160

Hey, Conner, the place that

homeland security told us

00:02:08,195 --> 00:02:09,361

to start the operation--

00:02:09,396 --> 00:02:10,930

there's nobody here to meet us.

00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:13,199

It's like they sent us to no-man's land.

00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:15,267

Jesus, they're everywhere !

00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:17,503

What are everywhere ?

00:02:17,537 --> 00:02:19,505

So furry !

00:02:19,539 --> 00:02:22,808

They're attacking every city--

ahh--

00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:26,312

People dying-- ahh--

00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:29,348

Guinea pigs...all over-- ahh--

00:02:29,382 --> 00:02:30,583

Guinea pigs ?

00:02:30,617 --> 00:02:32,618

Can't stop them !

00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:35,354

Need to get out--

ahh--

00:02:35,388 --> 00:02:37,857

I just ate...

00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:39,592

A peanut-- ahh--

00:02:39,626 --> 00:02:43,028

Peanut now stuck in throat-- ahh--

00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:46,565

Shouldn't eat peanuts when scared !

00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,133

Ahghghh !

00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:56,742

( Randy )

I've got the video camera,

got it turned on again.

00:02:56,776 --> 00:02:57,810

Okay.

00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:59,845

This is Randy Marsh.

00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,147

I'm shooting this video of myself.

00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:05,684

20 minutes ago, some huge

creatures attacked our town.

00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:07,920

It's still chaos out the window.

00:03:07,954 --> 00:03:10,356

( alarms blaring )

00:03:10,390 --> 00:03:13,158

I barely made it back to the house.

00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:16,262

Sharon is here with me...

and there's Shelley.

00:03:16,296 --> 00:03:17,663

Wave to the camera, Shelley.

00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:19,098

Randy, will you put down that camera ?!

00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:20,566

We need to figure out what to do !

00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:21,800

I don't know what to do !

00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:23,002

I'm so startled.

00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:25,004

We have to see what the news is saying !

00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:28,607

( man )

This is a shot of New York City,

00:03:28,642 --> 00:03:31,610

where the giant guinea pigs

have also attacked.

00:03:31,645 --> 00:03:32,912

( Sharon )

Guinea pigs ?

00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:34,813

Reports of attacks are

coming in from major cities

00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:36,215

all over the world.

00:03:36,249 --> 00:03:37,883

( Randy )

Jesus, this thing is worldwide ?!

00:03:41,688 --> 00:03:43,355

( gunshots firing )

00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:45,891

( Sharon )

Look at that thing !

00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:47,593

Randy, what are we gonna do ?!

00:03:47,627 --> 00:03:49,361

( glass shattering )

00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:50,829

( deep moan )

00:03:50,864 --> 00:03:52,731

Ahh !

Ahh !

00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:54,366

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God !

00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:56,135

Go, Randy, run !

00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:58,037

We've gotta get out !

00:03:59,539 --> 00:04:02,374

Michaels, Harrison-- anybody ?

00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:03,375

Nothing.

00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:05,477

L-Sat is down, and no answer at R.C.U.

00:04:05,512 --> 00:04:07,713

Whatever's going on out there, it's huge.

00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:09,548

All right, just let me get this straight.

00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:12,217

The head of homeland security

ordered you to fly us,

00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,053

five kids, to Peru,

00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:16,789

but had you land way up in

the Andes Mountains of Peru

00:04:16,823 --> 00:04:18,657

so that other government

people could meet us

00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:20,326

and then somehow tell us

00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:22,861

how to go to the capital

of Peru way over in Lima

00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:25,397

and take down their government ?

00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,967

Yes, that was the order.

00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:29,835

And that makes sense to you ?

00:04:29,869 --> 00:04:31,570

Nope, not at all.

00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,839

Actually, the whole rounding

up of the pan-flute bands

00:04:33,873 --> 00:04:36,008

didn't make sense to any of us either.

00:04:36,042 --> 00:04:38,410

None of what that homeland

security guy does makes sense.

00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:40,512

So could you just fly us home, please ?

00:04:40,547 --> 00:04:42,114

You don't understand.

00:04:42,148 --> 00:04:44,683

The plan was to have a

refueling truck meet us here.

00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:47,386

We don't have enough gas to fly anyplace.

00:04:47,420 --> 00:04:49,588

Oh, that's awesome.

00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:51,890

So we've gotta find another

way out of here.

00:04:51,925 --> 00:04:53,592

It's starting to look that way, yeah.

00:04:58,198 --> 00:04:59,565

This is fun.

00:04:59,599 --> 00:05:02,001

Let's walk for miles

through a spooky jungle.

00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:04,003

It just keeps getting better and better.

00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:05,871

Y'know, we're getting pretty

sick of your attitude, Craig.

00:05:05,905 --> 00:05:07,172

Yeah !

00:05:07,207 --> 00:05:08,340

Nobody likes hanging out with people

00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:10,042

who complain all the time.

00:05:10,076 --> 00:05:12,645

Look at that, no lights on-- nothing.

00:05:12,679 --> 00:05:16,148

It's like humans have never

been to this part of Peru.

00:05:29,562 --> 00:05:32,564

More guinea pigs seem to be

moving in from all directions.

00:05:32,599 --> 00:05:34,199

We checked on Wikipedia

00:05:34,234 --> 00:05:35,668

and found out that guinea pigs

00:05:35,702 --> 00:05:38,237

are from the Andes Mountains-- here.

00:05:38,271 --> 00:05:39,838

What about the pan-flute bands ?

00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:41,540

Are they on their way to Guantanamo Bay ?

00:05:43,576 --> 00:05:46,145

Sir, we believe we have

bigger problems right now

00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,613

than pan-flute bands.

00:05:47,647 --> 00:05:50,115

Have they been loaded

onto the boats or not ?!

00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:50,983

No, Sir.

00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:54,086

We diverted all the resources

away from the pan-flute bands

00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:55,621

to deal with the guinea pigs.

00:05:55,655 --> 00:05:57,389

That was an order !

00:05:57,424 --> 00:05:58,824

The flute bands were to be put on boats

00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:00,592

to Guantanamo last night !

00:06:00,627 --> 00:06:02,127

I am still in charge here !

00:06:02,162 --> 00:06:06,098

I want those pan-flute bands

on the boats to Guantanamo !

00:06:06,132 --> 00:06:07,800

Yes, Sir.

00:06:07,834 --> 00:06:09,902

I don't see why you have to yell at people.

00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:11,603

( whimpering )

00:06:11,638 --> 00:06:13,005

( alarms blaring )

00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:14,973

( Randy )

Okay, we're down in Main Street now.

00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:17,309

Ohh-- oh, look at that.

00:06:17,343 --> 00:06:19,678

Ohh !

00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,080

Where do we go, Randy ?

00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:22,514

We've got to get out of town.

00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:24,983

Go through that way.

00:06:25,018 --> 00:06:27,219

( man )

No !

00:06:27,253 --> 00:06:29,588

Ahgh-- my arm, my arm !

00:06:29,622 --> 00:06:30,789

( Randy )

Oh, Jesus !

00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:31,824

( Sharon )

Randy, run !

00:06:31,858 --> 00:06:33,125

Run !

00:06:33,159 --> 00:06:34,760

( panting )

00:06:34,794 --> 00:06:37,429

Okay, we're running now !

00:06:37,464 --> 00:06:39,031

There's Sharon and Shelley running.

00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:40,466

Wave to the camera, Shelley.

00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:41,967

- Dad !

- ( glass shattering )

00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:46,105

Ahghgh !

00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:47,706

In there, in there !

00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,508

( panting )

00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:54,079

Oh, God, oh, God, I'm so startled.

00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:55,280

Are you startled, Sharon ?

00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:56,215

Randy, put down the--

00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,117

( screaming )

00:06:58,151 --> 00:06:59,651

( low moan )

00:06:59,686 --> 00:07:02,354

( Shelley )

It's gonna kill us !

00:07:02,388 --> 00:07:06,391

Just stay down, Shelley,

it can't come in here !

00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:09,128

( Randy )

Hold on, hold on, I need to

get a shot of it from outside.

00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:11,730

Randy, where are you going ?

00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:13,999

( panting )

00:07:15,468 --> 00:07:17,536

Here we see a view from outside the bus.

00:07:17,570 --> 00:07:19,138

( Sharon )

Randy !

00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:23,542

( panting )

00:07:23,576 --> 00:07:25,377

What the hell are you doing ?!

00:07:25,411 --> 00:07:27,880

I got a really good shot of it, Sharon.

00:07:27,914 --> 00:07:29,181

Aghgh !

00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:33,819

I don't know, Lemski.

00:07:33,853 --> 00:07:36,855

This entire area of Peru isn't

even charted on the maps.

00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:38,757

This whole valley is strange.

00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,225

Just look at the size of that fruit !

00:07:42,028 --> 00:07:44,196

Ain't that a peach ?

00:07:44,230 --> 00:07:45,731

And how do you like them apples ?

00:07:50,503 --> 00:07:53,238

Take a look at this !

00:07:53,273 --> 00:07:56,041

They look like beehive combs.

00:07:57,443 --> 00:07:58,877

Oh, my God.

00:08:01,181 --> 00:08:02,881

Dude, what is this place ?

00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:05,584

It's like an unknown valley that time forgot

00:08:05,618 --> 00:08:08,887

where everything grows huge.

00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:09,888

That's a shock.

00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:11,824

I decided to follow you guys

00:08:11,858 --> 00:08:14,893

and now I'm in

"Land of the Giants' Lost World."

00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:16,728

Craig, it isn't our fault !

00:08:16,763 --> 00:08:17,663

You make it sound like

we always wanna be

00:08:17,697 --> 00:08:19,598

in situations like this,

but we don't have any choice !

00:08:19,632 --> 00:08:22,000

Yeah, stuffjust happens.

00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:23,569

Stuffjust happens.

00:08:23,603 --> 00:08:25,137

That's right !

00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:27,139

You just wind up being

sent by the government

00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:28,740

to take down the city of Lima,

00:08:28,775 --> 00:08:32,644

only to wind up in

"Land of the Giants' Lost World."

00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:34,179

That's right.

00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:36,582

You know what stuff

happens to most kids ?

00:08:36,616 --> 00:08:38,217

They fall off their bikes.

00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:40,485

They get in fights with their parents.

00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,988

They get swindled out of

their birthday money.

00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:45,858

Look, wherever we are,

I think we better keep moving.

00:08:45,892 --> 00:08:47,426

( low churning )

00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:48,727

Dude, look out !

00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:51,463

Ahahghgghh !

Aghghgh !

00:08:51,497 --> 00:08:53,565

Ahghghghghghghgh !

00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,901

No, stop it !

Make it stop !

00:08:58,671 --> 00:09:00,372

( Randy )

All right, all right.

00:09:00,406 --> 00:09:03,008

Here's Sharon and Shelley

on the roof of Best Buy.

00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:06,044

We-- we ran up here to get off the streets.

00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:08,614

We found the Stotch family

hiding up here also.

00:09:08,648 --> 00:09:11,483

There's Chris and Linda and their son, Butters.

00:09:11,517 --> 00:09:13,118

Hello !

00:09:13,152 --> 00:09:15,053

( bees buzzing )

00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:17,623

What is that ?

Chris, what is that ?

00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:20,592

That's a new sound.

00:09:20,627 --> 00:09:21,960

Oh, God, look !

00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:23,795

Those aren't guinea pigs !

00:09:23,830 --> 00:09:25,297

Get off the roof !

00:09:25,331 --> 00:09:27,733

Go, go, go, go, go, go !

00:09:27,767 --> 00:09:29,568

Oh-- oh, God !

00:09:29,602 --> 00:09:31,270

Going down the stairs now !

00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:32,404

Okay, we're going down the stairs !

00:09:32,438 --> 00:09:33,739

( panting )

00:09:33,773 --> 00:09:36,842

( man on TV )

And we are now getting word of giant bees.

00:09:36,876 --> 00:09:39,778

The giant bees have been

seen in the U.S. and Europe.

00:09:39,812 --> 00:09:41,914

Oh, God !

00:09:41,948 --> 00:09:44,116

Get away, there's bees everywhere !

00:09:44,150 --> 00:09:46,418

( screaming )

00:09:46,452 --> 00:09:48,587

Running-- running-- running down the street !

00:09:48,621 --> 00:09:50,789

Ahgghh !

00:09:50,823 --> 00:09:52,658

There's another one right there !

00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,328

- Oh, my God !

- ( buzzing )

00:09:58,298 --> 00:10:00,232

( alarm blaring )

00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:02,534

( buzzing )

00:10:05,838 --> 00:10:09,107

It stung me !

It stung me !

00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:11,410

( buzzing )

00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,078

Aaghgh !

00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:14,947

Oh, that startled me !

00:10:14,981 --> 00:10:16,581

That was really startling !

00:10:18,985 --> 00:10:21,453

I think we're just heading

deeper into the mountains.

00:10:21,487 --> 00:10:23,722

Yeah, maybe we should

start heading that way.

00:10:23,756 --> 00:10:25,691

I think we're fucked !

00:10:25,725 --> 00:10:27,025

Hey, hey, look at this.

00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:33,665

What is it ?

00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:35,701

( Kyle )

I don't know, looks old.

00:10:35,735 --> 00:10:37,569

Let's see what's in there.

00:10:37,603 --> 00:10:39,671

"Let's see what's in there."

00:10:39,706 --> 00:10:42,607

That's why you guys get into these situations.

00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:45,243

Because when you come across

a spooky ancient ruin,

00:10:45,278 --> 00:10:47,746

you say, "Let's see what's in there."

00:10:49,415 --> 00:10:50,749

It might be a way out, Craig !

00:10:50,783 --> 00:10:52,351

Yeah, Mr. Complainy-Pants.

00:10:56,856 --> 00:10:58,223

Whoa !

00:10:58,257 --> 00:11:00,993

I don't think anybody's

been in here for centuries.

00:11:01,027 --> 00:11:03,628

Yeah, totally.

00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,897

You guys, look at this !

00:11:05,932 --> 00:11:08,600

It's a wall of ancient drawings.

00:11:08,634 --> 00:11:11,169

( Kyle )

Dude, it's a Peruvian flute band !

00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:12,771

I know, and look--

00:11:12,805 --> 00:11:14,706

( Cartman )

Looks like the pan-flute music

00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:17,376

is driving away giant guinea pigs ?

00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:19,778

Oh, no way, look !

00:11:19,812 --> 00:11:21,646

The pan-flute band's put in prison.

00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,715

Just like what happened !

00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:25,884

And then the guinea pigs killing people !

00:11:25,918 --> 00:11:27,085

And then...

00:11:31,824 --> 00:11:33,558

Dude, it's Craig !

00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:35,227

What ?

00:11:35,261 --> 00:11:36,728

That is Craig !

00:11:43,102 --> 00:11:45,170

Dude, Craig, what's going on ?

00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:46,671

I have no idea.

00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,373

Well, do you mind telling us

what you're doing on

00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:50,642

an ancient Incan wall, Craig ?!

00:11:50,676 --> 00:11:53,712

I don't know.

00:11:53,746 --> 00:11:55,781

( man )

There is now word of huge beehives forming

00:11:55,815 --> 00:11:57,716

in cities across the U.S. and Canada.

00:11:57,750 --> 00:11:59,418

Europe and China are reporting

00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:02,387

deaths by guinea pigs

in the tens of thousands.

00:12:02,422 --> 00:12:05,690

And how are the efforts to

contain all this going ?

00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,159

It's bad, Sir.

00:12:07,193 --> 00:12:08,927

It seems we have no way of stopping it.

00:12:08,961 --> 00:12:11,496

We've lost complete control.

00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:14,900

( evil laughter )

00:12:14,934 --> 00:12:17,035

Uh, Sir ?

00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:20,005

I'm sorry, I just thought of a funny joke.

00:12:20,039 --> 00:12:21,440

Oh-- ha-ha.

00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:22,774

All right, get the jets ready.

00:12:22,809 --> 00:12:24,476

I need to get to Machu Picchu.

00:12:24,510 --> 00:12:26,478

Uh, Machu Picchu, Sir ?

00:12:26,512 --> 00:12:28,180

Yes, I need to be taken to Machu Picchu.

00:12:28,214 --> 00:12:29,614

Have you lost your hearing ?

00:12:29,649 --> 00:12:32,484

But, Sir, what could possibly

be at Machu Picchu to help--

00:12:32,518 --> 00:12:34,252

Am I in charge or not ?!

00:12:36,656 --> 00:12:38,690

( distant screaming )

00:12:38,724 --> 00:12:40,592

We're in the grocery store now.

00:12:40,626 --> 00:12:42,928

Some other survivors here.

00:12:42,962 --> 00:12:44,529

Can we get out through the highway ?

00:12:44,564 --> 00:12:45,730

The highway's unreachable.

00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:47,299

There's guinea rats all over it.

00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:49,234

- Guinea rats ?

- So startled, so startled.

00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:51,136

What do you mean,

guinea rats ?

00:12:51,170 --> 00:12:52,437

Look, there are guinea pigs,

00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:54,639

but there's also guinea bees, guinea rats.

00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:57,442

I've even seen some guinea spiders out there.

00:12:57,477 --> 00:12:59,010

Randy, will you stop doing that ?

00:13:01,981 --> 00:13:04,349

Look, I think we need to find

a way out under the city.

00:13:04,383 --> 00:13:05,484

In the sewers ?

00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:07,152

It can't be safe down there.

00:13:07,186 --> 00:13:08,887

( panting )

00:13:08,921 --> 00:13:11,256

Oh, God, what are we gonna do ?

00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:12,757

- ( woman ) Oh, my God !

- ( screaming )

00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:15,127

Something's inside the store !

00:13:15,161 --> 00:13:19,164

( Chris )

Guinea rabbits ! They're inside !

00:13:19,198 --> 00:13:20,599

( glass shattering )

00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:24,536

Whoa, they're everywhere !

00:13:24,570 --> 00:13:26,705

( man )

Help me !

00:13:26,739 --> 00:13:27,973

Help me !

00:13:28,007 --> 00:13:29,341

Ahghgh !

00:13:29,375 --> 00:13:31,176

Ahhhh!!

Travis, no !

00:13:31,210 --> 00:13:33,545

You can't help him !

00:13:33,579 --> 00:13:35,947

There's something over there !

00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:37,482

It's a guinea bear !

00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:39,417

No, it's a guinea mouse, stupid !

00:13:42,588 --> 00:13:43,455

Kill me !

00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:45,991

Randy, the storeroom--

we've gotta get to the storeroom !

00:13:46,025 --> 00:13:47,659

( panting )

00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:55,367

( Shelley )

Mom, I can't see !

00:13:55,401 --> 00:13:57,402

It's okay, Shelley, Daddy's

gonna turn on night vision.

00:13:58,938 --> 00:14:00,605

There... there.

00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,541

Okay.

00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:03,775

Ahgghgh !

Ahghgh !

00:14:03,809 --> 00:14:05,010

What, what, what, what ?!

00:14:05,044 --> 00:14:07,179

Nothing, sorry, I just startled myself.

00:14:08,814 --> 00:14:09,848

Ahgghgh !

00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:15,220

Let's head over this way, guys.

00:14:15,254 --> 00:14:17,255

You hear that ?

It sounds like water.

00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:18,890

Yeah, it's coming from up there.

00:14:22,228 --> 00:14:23,795

Wow.

00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:30,769

Dude, that's awesome.

00:14:30,803 --> 00:14:32,470

All right, let's go.

00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:34,039

No.

00:14:34,073 --> 00:14:35,774

What-- what do you mean "no" ?

00:14:35,808 --> 00:14:38,076

I'm not following you guys anymore.

00:14:39,745 --> 00:14:41,746

Dude, we have to go check this out.

00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:44,316

Why ?

00:14:44,350 --> 00:14:46,818

Because just-- that's just the way it is.

00:14:46,852 --> 00:14:48,453

Every time bad things happen,

00:14:48,487 --> 00:14:50,121

you guys end up putting yourselves

00:14:50,156 --> 00:14:51,990

deeper into the middle of it because

00:14:52,024 --> 00:14:54,726

"That's just the way it is."

00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:55,694

Hey, we aren't the ones

00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:58,563

on an ancient temple prophecy wall, butt wipe !

00:14:58,598 --> 00:14:59,931

I don't care.

00:14:59,966 --> 00:15:01,833

I've decided that I'm done.

00:15:01,867 --> 00:15:03,969

I am choosing not to be

a part of this anymore.

00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:07,105

How do you do that ?

00:15:07,139 --> 00:15:08,707

It's easy-- watch.

00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:20,552

Craig, dude, wait up.

00:15:24,523 --> 00:15:27,192

( Cartman )

Dude, Craig, we should go back now.

00:15:27,226 --> 00:15:28,593

No.

00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:33,465

( Stan )

Hey, look, there's something here !

00:15:33,499 --> 00:15:34,733

Nope.

00:15:36,869 --> 00:15:39,904

( thundering )

00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:40,772

Dude, this is boring.

00:15:40,806 --> 00:15:43,208

This is just a bunch of walking around.

00:15:43,242 --> 00:15:44,909

Yep, nice and boring.

00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,444

Just the way I like it.

00:15:49,715 --> 00:15:50,749

( panting )

00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,817

It's been three days now

since the guinea pigs

00:15:52,852 --> 00:15:54,486

and the guinea bees attacked.

00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:56,454

Guinea rabbits are still everywhere,

00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:59,157

along with a few guinea panthers.

00:15:59,191 --> 00:16:01,826

We've taken shelter

at the Outback Steakhouse.

00:16:01,861 --> 00:16:03,328

There's Sharon and Shelley.

00:16:03,362 --> 00:16:04,229

Say, "Hey," guys.

00:16:04,263 --> 00:16:06,998

( rumbling )

00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:09,267

What is that ?

What is that ?

00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:11,236

I'm gonna take a look outside !

00:16:11,270 --> 00:16:12,270

What is it ?!

00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:14,172

It's a guinea-saurus rex !

00:16:14,206 --> 00:16:16,574

( screaming )

00:16:19,945 --> 00:16:22,314

( car alarms blaring )

00:16:22,348 --> 00:16:24,516

- ( Sharon ) Oh, my God !

- I know, I'm way too startled !

00:16:24,550 --> 00:16:26,351

Look !

00:16:31,590 --> 00:16:34,292

Jesus, they can't kill it !

00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:37,228

What do you think about the

guinea-saurus rex, Shelley ?!

00:16:40,232 --> 00:16:41,733

Oh, that's good, there's Shelley with

00:16:41,767 --> 00:16:44,336

the guinea-saurus rex in the background !

00:16:44,370 --> 00:16:46,338

Give a little peace sign, Shelley.

00:16:46,372 --> 00:16:47,339

Oh, I know, hold out your palm

00:16:47,373 --> 00:16:50,241

so it looks like you're holding

the guinea-saurus rex !

00:16:50,276 --> 00:16:51,176

Shelley ?

00:16:51,210 --> 00:16:53,678

Randy, I have had it !

00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:56,548

You are putting down that Goddamn camera !

00:16:56,582 --> 00:16:57,849

Sharon, you're gonna be really glad

00:16:57,883 --> 00:17:00,018

we have all this footage of the family someday.

00:17:00,052 --> 00:17:01,086

Ppssahggh !

00:17:04,557 --> 00:17:06,691

( thundering )

00:17:06,726 --> 00:17:08,059

Wait here a minute.

00:17:13,933 --> 00:17:15,467

Behold !

00:17:15,501 --> 00:17:18,870

I am standing on your precious land !

00:17:18,904 --> 00:17:21,806

I've waited a long time for this !

00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:28,980

( evil laughter )

00:17:29,014 --> 00:17:30,515

What's he doing ?

00:17:30,549 --> 00:17:32,517

What of your prophecy now ?

00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:34,319

Nothing can stop me !

00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:41,059

Craig !

00:17:41,093 --> 00:17:43,661

No, how did you get here ?

00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:45,296

Hey, it's that asshole

who sent us to the jungle

00:17:45,331 --> 00:17:46,831

with nobody to pick us up !

00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:48,967

Sir, is everything all right ?

00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:50,235

Shoot them !

00:17:50,269 --> 00:17:51,403

Shoot them ?

00:17:51,437 --> 00:17:53,104

They're a Peruvian band that escaped !

00:17:53,139 --> 00:17:54,706

We must keep them contained !

00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:56,074

No, no, listen to me.

00:17:56,108 --> 00:17:57,409

The Peruvian flute bands were keeping

00:17:57,443 --> 00:17:58,843

the guinea creatures away !

00:17:58,878 --> 00:18:00,311

Whatever's happening

to the world is happening

00:18:00,346 --> 00:18:02,380

because you guys got rid of

all the flute bands !

00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,182

I said shoot them.

00:18:04,216 --> 00:18:06,718

Go look-- it's all an ancient Incan prophecy !

00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:08,953

Maybe we should look at it, Sir.

00:18:08,988 --> 00:18:11,256

Damn you, Craig !

00:18:11,290 --> 00:18:13,458

You just don't ever stop, do you ?

00:18:13,492 --> 00:18:15,193

I didn't say anything.

00:18:15,227 --> 00:18:17,929

You see, for thousands of

years, horrid creatures have

00:18:17,963 --> 00:18:20,398

lived in the Guinea Valley of Peru.

00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:23,168

The Incas learned how to

keep the creatures at bay

00:18:23,202 --> 00:18:25,670

by playing pan-flute music.

00:18:25,704 --> 00:18:28,640

Guinea creatures hate it

even more than humans do.

00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:30,775

But the prophecy foretold that one day

00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:32,410

the creatures would be unleashed,

00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,846

and I have made that happen !

00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:37,882

The Incas predicted

the world would be saved...

00:18:37,917 --> 00:18:39,484

by Craig.

00:18:39,518 --> 00:18:42,754

But that part of the prophecy

will not come true !

00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:44,889

For you will all die on this mountain !

00:18:47,193 --> 00:18:49,160

Ha-ha haaa...

00:18:49,195 --> 00:18:51,896

You're-- you're some kind of monster !

00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:54,199

Oh, I'm much more than that.

00:18:54,233 --> 00:18:57,635

Guinea bees, guinea rabbits,

guinea-saurus rexes--

00:18:57,670 --> 00:18:59,971

I am something much more evil.

00:19:00,005 --> 00:19:01,473

Kwaaaagh !

00:19:05,177 --> 00:19:06,845

Arrrrgh !

00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:08,546

Guinea pirate !

00:19:08,581 --> 00:19:09,914

Jesus Christ !

00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:11,950

Sir, I promise you,

00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:14,219

I'm not going to ruin your plans.

00:19:14,253 --> 00:19:15,753

I'll just walk away.

00:19:15,788 --> 00:19:17,188

See ?

00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:29,467

Arhghggh !

00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,402

No !

00:19:31,437 --> 00:19:34,639

Okay, now there's sparks

shooting out of my eyes.

00:19:34,673 --> 00:19:36,541

Ah, curse ye, Craig !

00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:40,678

Stop ! Ahghgh !

00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:42,080

Argh !

00:19:49,088 --> 00:19:50,588

( sighing )

00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:56,327

( Craig )

My name is Craig Tucker.

00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:58,096

Last week, I stopped a guinea pirate

00:19:58,130 --> 00:20:00,999

from taking over the earth.

00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:04,869

All the Peruvian flute bands were released...

00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:08,573

And drove the guinea creatures

back to the Andes Mountains.

00:20:10,776 --> 00:20:13,545

Many people had died,

but mankind had prevailed.

00:20:15,281 --> 00:20:18,082

All over the world, survivors were found--

00:20:18,117 --> 00:20:21,886

living witnesses to the terror

that had been seen.

00:20:21,921 --> 00:20:23,688

Here, here, look, look !

00:20:23,722 --> 00:20:24,656

What the--

00:20:24,690 --> 00:20:26,691

Oh-- oh, I didn't have a tape in it.

00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:29,027

( camera clicking )

00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:30,562

The guinea pirate lived,

00:20:30,596 --> 00:20:34,632

but was taken to prison to

live out the rest of his days.

00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:36,367

And people all over the world

00:20:36,402 --> 00:20:40,038

learned to support

their local Peruvian flute bands

00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:42,173

and buy their CD's,

00:20:42,207 --> 00:20:46,144

for they protect us from the guinea creatures.

00:20:46,178 --> 00:20:49,681

As for me, I was returned home

by homeland security.

00:20:49,715 --> 00:20:52,850

My parents were so happy.

00:20:52,885 --> 00:20:55,253

I realized that we don't

always have control over

00:20:55,287 --> 00:20:56,821

what happens to us.

00:20:56,855 --> 00:21:00,325

We are but players on the stage of life.

00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:02,560

And I also learned to never listen when people

00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:04,329

come asking you for money.

00:21:08,634 --> 00:21:10,101

That guy's an asshole.

00:21:10,135 --> 00:21:11,402

Yeah, what a dick.

00:21:11,437 --> 00:21:12,937

I fucking hate Craig !

00:21:18,644 --> 00:21:20,511

Sir-- Sir, we have a problem.

00:21:20,546 --> 00:21:22,013

What now ?

00:21:22,047 --> 00:21:24,349

The former director of homeland security

00:21:24,383 --> 00:21:26,284

that turned out to be a guinea pig,

00:21:26,318 --> 00:21:28,720

it attacked the guards--

got out of its holding cell.

00:21:30,456 --> 00:21:32,223

My God, are you telling me--

00:21:32,257 --> 00:21:34,325

Yes, Sir, it broke out of prison.

00:21:37,429 --> 00:21:39,464

( glass shattering )

00:21:39,498 --> 00:21:42,166

( screaming )