Пандемия

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*South Park. Почтовое отделение*

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Я не догоняю, Кенни, зачем ты купил бритву и крем для бритья?

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Чтобы побрить себе яйца.

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Побрить яйца? Зачем брить себе яйца?

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Девчонкам нравятся бритые яйца.

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Девчонкам нравятся бритые яйца?

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Конечно!

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И кто же увидит твои яйца?

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Не знаю.

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О Боже, еще одна!

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Еще одна флейтовая группа. Ребят, вы не заметили, что они везде, куда бы мы ни пошли?

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Ага, я видел три таких флетовых группы вчера.

Вся дерьмовая музыка звучит одинаково.

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Мне так надоело слушать эту музыку везде, куда бы я не пошёл.

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Мне кажется, Кенни она нравится.

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Мне надо идти домой обедать.

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Мне тоже.

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Боже!

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Заткнитесь уже!

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Всё, я ушёл, увидимся, пацаны.

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Сегодня вечером, вместе с Каналом Путешествий Вы посетите Лондон.

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В Лондоне каждый сможет найти что-нибудь для себя.

Перкрасные виды, театр, а также замечательные уличные исполнители.

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Они и до Лондона добрались?

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Время обедать, ребят!

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Ладно, дети, начнём.

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Где папа?

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Он наверху, снимает на видео дедушку в ванной.

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Зачем?

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Потому что с тех пор как у отца появилась видеокамера, он

думает, что должен заснять всё, чем занимается семья.

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А вот и мы. Семья Маршей собралась на очередной обед.

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Рэнди, у нас уже есть много видео о том, как мы обедаем.

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Вот Шелли, нравится обед, Шелли?

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Выруби камеру, пап.

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Ой, смотрите, Стэн ест жареную картошку. Помаши в камеру!

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Да господи Боже!

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О, зашибись, это одна из тех перуанских флейтовых групп. Стэн, иди встань рядом с ними, я вас сфоткаю.

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Я сыграю этой картой, чтобы отодвинуть Кайла назад на 7 ходов.

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Вот так тебе, Кайл... Всё, твой ход, Кенни.

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Пацаны, пацаны, зацените:

Я видел еще одну флейтовую группу вчера, у моего дома.

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Ну и?

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Я немного посидел и послушал их.

Прикиньте, сколько денег они делают, продавая свои говёные CD

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Сколько?

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Больше 200 баксов.

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Две сотни долларов?!

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Правда? Ты уверен?

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Ага, я понял, что это самая лёгкая работа в мире, мы бы тоже могли так делать.

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Стать флейтовой группой?

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Ну да, почему бы и нет? Мы достанем инструменты, одежду и запишем несколько дисков на моём компе.

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Мой Бог! Пацаны, мы же сделаем до х*я денег!

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Да!

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Йахуу!!

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Но откуда мы возьмём денег на покупку костюмов и инструментов?

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Крейг, чувак, как пошиваешь, братан?

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Норм.

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Круто, зашибенно, Крейг, помнишь ты нам говорил, что твоя бабушка подарила тебе 100 баксов на денюху?

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Ага.

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А как ты смотришь на то, чтобы превратить 100 долларов в 1000?

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Заходи, Крейг, присаживайся. Добро пожаловать.

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Чего вам пацаны нужно?

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Крейг, мы выбрали тебя, чтобы ты присоединился к нашей флейтовой группе!

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Ура Крейг!

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Вы имеете в виду такие парни, которые стоят в популярных туристических местах?

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Они же не просто так везде стоят, они сколачивают себе состояние!

Нам просто нужны твои деньги, чтобы купить инструменты и записать диски.

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И за один день мы удвоим твои деньги.

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Вы, парни, никогда со мной не тусуетесь, вы никогда не зовёте меня, чтобы делать разные дела,

а сейчас вы хотите, чтобы я был в вашей группе, потому что моя бабушка дала мне 100 долларов.

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Крейг, не будь засранцем.

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Я принесу деньги.

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Итак, пацаны, играем, как мы репетировали.

Готов, Крейг? Давай зажжём!

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И раз, и два и...

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Круто! Такая культурная музыка.

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Очень культурная, да.

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Пожауйста, купите наш СиДи с мюзикой.

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Спасибо!

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Как культурно!

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Это шикарно!

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Видишь, Крейг?

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Эй! эй эй эй эй!

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Парни, вы тут не можете играть, мы сюда первыми пришли.

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(что-то по испански)

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Не играть тут наш мюзика!

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Это наша территория, ясно?

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Вашу мать!

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(Нет, это не есть хорошо!)

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Пошли, пацаны.

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Господи Боже!

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Не играть здесь музыка!

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Дамы и господа, наша нация и весь мир находятся перед лицом

экономического и экологического кризиса катастрофических масштабов.

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Я, естественно, имею в виду, перуанские флейтовые группы.

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Красными точками показано, где наибольшая концентрация флейтовых групп.

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По всему миру, в местах где есть туристы, на 1 кв. километр в среднем приходится 65 флейтовых групп.

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Генерал

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Франция, Япония и северо-восток США - самые напряженные места.

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Несомненно, это флейтовая эпидемия.

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Флейдемия?

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3 страны в Азии и 7 в Европе просят нас помочь им избавиться от флейтовых групп.

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Нам понадобятся все доступные ресурсы, чтобы пережить её. (эпидемию)

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Простите, помогать другим странам?

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Сенатор?

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Уважаемый сенатор, нам надо разбираться с нашими собственными флейтовыми группами.

Пускай эти страны сражаются сами.

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Ты бессердечный ублюдок!

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Эта страна зиждется на свободе и единстве.

И мы не будем сидеть, сложа руки, пока другие, менее удачливые страны

страдают от перуанских флейтовых групп. ЯСНО?

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Как глава Защиты Родины,

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я беру контроль над военными, до тех пор, пока продолжается кризис.

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Давай, пошли!

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Ха! Получили, засранцы!

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Ещё одна здесь!

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Давай, берем их!

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Проходим, проходим, это операция по Защите Родины.

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Эй, отвали!

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Убедитесь, что все диски с флейтовой музыкой собраны.

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Вот Шерон и Шелли, они смотрят телевизор.

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Помаши в камеру, Шелли.

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Что вы смотрите?

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Новости

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Что?

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Мы смотрим новости.

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Это телевизор в нашей гостиной. Всё еще идет реклама.

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Что ты думаешь о телевидении , Шелли?

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О, начинаются новости.

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Правительство третий день пытается покончить с флейтовым кризисом.

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В городах по всему миру, флейтовые группы удаляются и помещаются на карантин.

Но остаётся их очень много.

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Защита Родины предупреждает:

Если вы увидели перуанскую флейтовую группу,

* Не приближайтесь к ней.

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* Отметьте её местоположение.

* НЕ покупайте их диски.

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Несколько групп были взяты на карантин в Майами.

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Эээ, прошу прощения, алло.

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Прошу прощения, Сэр.

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Сэр!

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Произошло некоторое недопонимание. Можно поговорить с Вами буквально на минутку?

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Сэр!

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Можно поговорить с Вами хоть секунду?

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Отойдите, я не буду покупать ваши чёртовы диски!

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Нет, сэр, произошло большое недоразумение, мы не перуанская ...

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Я же сказал, я не буду покупать ваши чертовы диски сегодня, понятно? Меня уже это достало!

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Сеньор, купите CD с музикой?

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Афигеть, он застрелил чувака

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Эй, Крейг. Помнишь те деньги, что дала тебе бабушка на день рождения?

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Ты не хочешь инвестировать в перуанскую флейтовую группу?

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Ты можешь удвоить свою сумму.

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Давай, Крейг, не будь козлом.

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Внимание, перуанские флейтовые группы.

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Переводчик

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Мы ценим ваше сотрудничество и терпение.

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Переводчик

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Завтра вас погрузят на корабли,

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Переводчик

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которые доставят вас в залив Гуантанамо,

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Переводчик

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где вы проведёте остаток вашей жизни.

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Переводчик

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Залив Гуантанамо! Мы не можем отправиться в залив Гуантанамо.

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Не беспокойтесь, пацаны. Я уверен наши родители лезут из кожи вон чтобы найти нас.

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Пожалуйста, мистер и миссис Такер, последний раз наших мальчиков видели вместе с вашим сыном Крейгом.

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Может вы знаете куда они могли пойти?

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Нет, я же говорю вам, это на него не похоже.

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Я действительно волнуюсь.

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Вы спрашивали у полиции?

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Никто ничего не знает. Мальчики как-будто просто исчезли.

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Другие дети не видели их с тех пор как ...

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Ренди, убери эту штуку!

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Да что такое с тобой происходит?

Наш сын потерялся.

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Э, я тоже за него волнуюсь, Шерон.

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Ну тогда перестань вести себя как идиот и помоги!

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А может все мальчики сбежали.

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Может они были расстроены чем-нибудь?

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Всё что мы знаем это то, что их видели с Крейгом, а потом они исчезли.

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Именно поэтому я говорила Кайлу не водится с этим мальчиком.

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И как это понимать?

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Если честно, мисс Такер, мы считаем что Крейг плохо влияет на наших мальчиков.

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Нет, что вы такое говорите?

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Просто я хочу сказать что у вашего сына есть определённые проблемы ...

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Как будто бы у других детей нет проблем

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Очевидно, что у Крейга есть определённые проблемы

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О, боже мой!

У, вот это клёво.

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Сэр, хорошие новости. Похоже мы это сделали.

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Все большие города сообщают об отсутствии перуанских флейтовых групп. Мы поймали всех их.

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Успокойтесь, у нас ещё осталась кое-какая работа.

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Мы должны уничтожить то место, откуда эти флейтовые группы пришли, чтобы они больше никогда не вернулись.

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Мы не знаем откуда они пришли, сэр.

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Мы провели исследование, но так и не смогли выяснить.

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Ну подумай хорошенько, идиот. Откуда ещё могли прийти ПЕРУАНСКИЕ флейтовые группы?

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Страна указана в их названии.

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Нет, сэр. Мы проверили всю карту. Страны, которая называлась бы Перуания, нет.

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Да не Перуания, дебил, а Перу. Она вот здесь.

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Пе-ру.

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Теперь мне нужен план чтобы уничтожить Перу раз и навсегда.

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А это действительно необходимо, сэр? Это звучит несколько экстремально.

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Ага

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Перуанские флейтовые группы будут нас донимать до тех пор, пока мы не уничтожим их под корень.

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Сэр, вам лучше поскорее на это взглянуть.

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Одна из перуанских флейтовых групп поймана при попытке бежать.

00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:08,360

Вот видишь? Чёрт возьми!

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Братья Ламы, алкоголики и отбросы общества.

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Это ошибка, сэр. Мы на самом деле не перуанская флейтовая группа.

00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:24,360

Ну да. Вы играли флейтовую музыку в супермаркете и продавали диски с ламой на обложке, но вы не перуанская флейтовая группа.

00:13:24,860 --> 00:13:27,460

Ну мы просто дети. Мы пытались заработать немного денег.

00:13:27,470 --> 00:13:28,770

Мы хотим пойти домой.

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Да, да, мы очень хотим домой!

00:13:32,370 --> 00:13:34,270

А в каком месте они играли?

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В супермаркете под открытым небом в Колорадо.

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Послушайте, мы сами из Колорадо. Мы выросли в США.

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Мы говорим по-английски.

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И мы белые.

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Давайте поговорим снаружи.

00:13:47,370 --> 00:13:48,470

Ну что вы думаете?

00:13:48,770 --> 00:13:50,270

Я даже не знаю как к этому относиться.

00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:52,180

Я ничего подобного раньше не видел.

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Очевидно что они перуанская флейтовая группа, но в то же время и нет.

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Они играют флейтовую музыку как и другие, но говорят и ведут себя как одни из нас.

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Я согласен. Очевидно это какой-то

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Гибрид.

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Гибрид?

00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:08,380

Как такое может быть?

00:14:08,580 --> 00:14:11,780

Возможно одна из флейтовых групп познакомилась с нашими женщинами.

00:14:11,980 --> 00:14:12,980

Кто знает?

00:14:13,180 --> 00:14:16,580

В любом случае, откуда бы они ни были, это единственное с чем нам повезло.

00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:19,990

Если они те самые гибриды,

00:14:20,090 --> 00:14:23,990

то это наш шанс уничтожить Перу раз и навсегда.

00:14:26,390 --> 00:14:30,090

Пацаны, а вы знаете почему никто в школе не хочет с вами тусоваться?

00:14:31,190 --> 00:14:32,790

Потому что вы всегда делаете вещи типа этого.

00:14:32,790 --> 00:14:39,790

Вам приходит в голову тупая идея сделать что-нибудь, из-за этого у вас возникают неприятности,

и вы оказываетесь либо в другой стране, либо в открытом космосе, либо где-то ещё.

00:14:40,290 --> 00:14:42,290

Вот почему никто не хочет тусоваться с вами, пацаны.

00:14:44,490 --> 00:14:46,890

Крейг, ты что-то очень злой сегодня.

00:14:47,690 --> 00:14:48,690

Хорошо, предлагаю вам сделку.

00:14:48,890 --> 00:14:53,290

Может вы на нашей стороне, а может и нет. Но если вы поможете нам, мы отправим вас домой.

00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:54,100

Поможем как?

00:14:54,100 --> 00:14:56,400

Вы способны затеряться среди других флейтовых групп.

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Они считают вас одними из них. Мы собираемся отправить вас в их столицу.

00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,500

А можно мы просто пойдём домой, сэр?

00:15:02,500 --> 00:15:04,400

Мы всё ещё не знаем на чьей вы стороне.

00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:08,100

Вы сделаете это и мы поймём.

Вы отправляетесь в Перу утром.

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Нет, я не полечу в Перу. Только не в Перу!

00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:12,000

Кайл, успокойся

00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,800

Ты же знаешь что я не могу лететь в Перу, Стэн.

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Один из наших друзей был изнасилован в Перу. Это было ужасно.

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У вас нет выбора. Либо вы летите в Перу,

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либо вас посадят навсегда с другими флейтовыми группами.

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Томпсон, можешь подойти?

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Музыканты из флейтовых групп постоянно о чём-то говорят мне, я их не понимаю.

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Перуанец

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Перуанец

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Перуанец2

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Перуанец3

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Они говорят типа: вы не можете нас выслать. Мы защитники.

00:15:47,110 --> 00:15:48,410

Защитники от чего?

00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:51,920

Перуанец

00:15:52,620 --> 00:15:53,520

Что это значит?

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Мне кажется он сказал пушистая смерть.

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Перуанец

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В эфире си-эн-эн.

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Последние флейтовые группы были успешно истреблены во всех частях света.

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Пол Хэррис находится на улице торгового центра. Пол?

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Я подозреваю это здорово не слышать флейтовую музыку, да Пол?

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Действительно, Том, добро пожаловать тишина.

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Уже несколько дней здесь не было ни одной флейтовой группы, и все действительно наслаждаются покоем.

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Весь мир теперь может вздохнуть с облегчением и мы думаем ...

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Какого ж?

00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:44,810

Боже мой.

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Здесь. Здесь что-то другое. Это не перуанская флейтовая группа. Это ...

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О боже мой, что это?

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Пол, что ты видишь?

Оно пушистое, оно очень пушистое.

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Окэй. Очевидно что-то другое появилось...

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Он точно сказал пушистое?

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Окэй, у нас тут некоторые...

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О, боже. Что это такое?

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Итак, мы на расстоянии 800 километров от Перу.

Вас подберёт грузовик, и там вам объяснят особенности миссии.

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Вот когда вам пришла гениальная идея стать перуанской флейтовой группой, был ли момент,

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когда кто-то из вас сказал: "Эй, вы знаете, из-за этого плана у нас могут быть проблемы"?

00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:59,740

Нет, с вами такого никогда не случается, потому что вы пацаны, болваны, и никогда не учитесь на своих ошибках.

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И вот почему все в школе считают что вы козлы.

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Это не правда. Мы нравимся всем в школе, разве нет?

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Да, точно. Мы нравимся всем в школе. Крейг просто залупается потому что

сейчас у нас трудные времена.

00:18:12,150 --> 00:18:14,590

Я залупаюсь?

Да!

00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:22,600

Вы пацаны взяли мои деньги с дня рождения, меня из-за вас арестовали, меня доставили в Маями, и я смогу выбраться только если

уничтожу Перу. И вы говорите что я залупаюсь?

00:18:24,130 --> 00:18:25,470

Давайте на будем разговаривать с этим пацаном.

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Хорошо, Крейг. Когда мы вернёмся домой, ты получишь обратно свои деньги и мы больше никогда не будем с тобой общаться.

Как насчёт этого?

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Это было бы здорово. Спасибо

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Это не правильно. Это бессмысленно. Почему Защита Родины послала нас в Перу?

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Я не знаю, но мне кажется что на самом деле происходит что-то совсем другое.

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Пожалуйста, я уже не знаю к кому обращаться. Полиция совершенно не помогает.

Я думаю у мальчиков сейчас могут быть серьёзные проблемы.

00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:59,250

Да. Да. Пожалуйста, проверьте и сразу позвоните мне, спасибо.

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Ренди, клянусь богом, если не уберёшь эту штуку.

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Шерон, будет весело как-нибудь потом смотреть это всей семьёй.

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Всё, с меня хватит. Не нужно снимать каждый ...

00:19:14,030 --> 00:19:15,160

Это ещё что такое?

00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:20,190

Боже мой.

Что-то происходи снаружи. Оставайся здесь.

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Что происходит, пап?

Возвращайся в комнату!

00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:36,890

Что происходит?

Они везде.

Кто они?

00:19:36,890 --> 00:19:39,150

Они действительно пушистые.

00:19:43,530 --> 00:19:44,900

Кто это сделал?

00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:49,100

Что это за штука?

00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:52,170

Чтобы выжить нужно бежать.

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О, боже мой.

00:20:07,450 --> 00:20:09,720

Туда, туда, другой дорогой.

00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:19,060

О, боже, о, боже.

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Я так испуган.

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Сэр, у нас большая проблема.

00:20:35,910 --> 00:20:38,090

Мда? И что же это может быть?

00:20:38,090 --> 00:20:45,010

Новые отчёты приходят из городов по всему миру. Огромные потери и разрушения от чего-то, что можно назвать...

00:20:46,830 --> 00:20:47,990

Морской свинкой?

00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:52,410

Да, сэр. Как вы узнали?

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Ты знаешь, ты был так близок что бы самому всё понять, Дэвис.

00:20:58,190 --> 00:21:00,990

Сэр?

Я действительно думал что ты поймал меня в Маями.

00:21:00,990 --> 00:21:04,740

Но ты просто не мог сложить все кусочки вместе.

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Вы, Вы знали что это произойдёт.

00:21:10,030 --> 00:21:15,190

О, и это только начало, Дэвис. И я не позволю тебе вмешиваться.

00:21:24,860 --> 00:21:28,400

Извини, мой друг, но я много старался чтобы всё это произошло.

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Флейтовые группы скоро умрут. Морские свинки восстают.

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И единственный, кто может всё это остановить, держит путь в никуда

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♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪

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♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

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♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

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♪ Going down to South Park ♪

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♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,385 --> 00:00:19,752

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:19,786 --> 00:00:21,554

♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪

00:00:21,588 --> 00:00:22,855

♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪

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♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,092 --> 00:00:28,494

♪ ( mumbling ) ♪

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♪ Come on down to South Park ♪

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♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪

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I don't get it, Kenny.

00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:42,541

Why did you buy razors and shaving cream ?

00:00:42,576 --> 00:00:44,677

'Cause, dude, I'm gonna shave my balls.

00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:45,745

Shave your balls ?

00:00:45,779 --> 00:00:47,246

Why would you shave your balls ?

00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:48,848

Because girls like shaved balls.

00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:50,383

Girls like shaved balls ?

00:00:50,417 --> 00:00:51,684

Yes, they do.

00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:53,386

What girl is gonna see your balls ?

00:00:53,420 --> 00:00:54,820

I don't know.

00:00:55,989 --> 00:00:58,591

Oh, Jesus, there's another one !

00:00:58,625 --> 00:01:01,627

( playing flute )

00:01:03,430 --> 00:01:05,030

Another pan flute band.

00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:06,432

Have you guys noticed

there's bands like this

00:01:06,466 --> 00:01:08,834

everywhere you go lately ?

00:01:10,103 --> 00:01:11,437

Yeah, I saw like three of those bands

00:01:11,471 --> 00:01:12,605

down in Denver yesterday.

00:01:12,639 --> 00:01:14,273

All their crappy music sounds the same.

00:01:14,307 --> 00:01:16,442

I'm so sick of hearing this

music everywhere I go !

00:01:16,476 --> 00:01:19,478

I think Kenny likes it.

00:01:19,513 --> 00:01:20,880

I gotta get home for dinner.

00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:22,515

Yeah, me too.

00:01:28,221 --> 00:01:30,022

God !

00:01:30,056 --> 00:01:31,323

Shut up already !

00:01:31,358 --> 00:01:33,859

I'm outta here, see ya, guys.

00:01:38,498 --> 00:01:42,134

( man on tv )

Tonight, the Travel Channel

takes you to London!

00:01:42,169 --> 00:01:44,136

London has something for everyone !

00:01:44,171 --> 00:01:45,638

Sights, theater...

00:01:45,672 --> 00:01:47,840

and wonderful street performers !

00:01:51,344 --> 00:01:52,945

They're in London too ?!

00:01:52,979 --> 00:01:55,381

( Sharon )

Hey, time for dinner, guys !

00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:58,317

All right, kids, dig in.

00:01:58,351 --> 00:01:59,185

Where's Dad ?

00:01:59,219 --> 00:02:02,621

He's upstairs videotaping your

Grandfather in the bathtub.

00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:03,122

Why ?

00:02:03,156 --> 00:02:05,891

Because ever since your Father

got that stupid video camera,

00:02:05,926 --> 00:02:09,061

he thinks he has to film

everything the family does.

00:02:09,095 --> 00:02:10,729

All right, here we are !

00:02:10,764 --> 00:02:12,631

Marsh family gathered for another dinner !

00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:15,601

Randy, we have plenty of

video of us eating dinner.

00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:16,669

There's Shelley.

00:02:16,703 --> 00:02:18,170

You excited about dinner, Shelley ?

00:02:18,205 --> 00:02:19,672

Turn it off, Dad !

00:02:19,706 --> 00:02:21,774

Oh, look, Stan's eating a tater tot !

00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:23,742

Wave to the camera, Stan !

00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:26,178

( muffled music )

00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,853

Aw, Jesus Christ !

00:02:33,887 --> 00:02:34,920

Oh, neat-o !

00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:37,423

It's one of those Peruvian pan flute bands !

00:02:37,457 --> 00:02:40,125

Stan, go out and stand with

'em, I can get a shot.

00:02:44,364 --> 00:02:47,466

I will play this card to

move Kyle back seven spaces.

00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,535

Screw you, Kyle.

00:02:49,569 --> 00:02:51,337

And, all right, your turn, Kenny.

00:02:51,371 --> 00:02:52,738

You guys, you guys, check this out !

00:02:52,772 --> 00:02:54,206

I saw another Peruvian flute band

00:02:54,241 --> 00:02:56,041

outside my house last night !

00:02:56,076 --> 00:02:56,775

So ?

00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:58,611

So I just sat there

and watched them for a while.

00:02:58,645 --> 00:02:59,879

Guess how much money they made

00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:01,413

selling their crappy C.D.s ?

00:03:01,448 --> 00:03:03,549

- How much ?

- Over 200 bucks.

00:03:03,583 --> 00:03:05,084

$200 ?!

00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:06,318

Really, are you sure ?

00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:07,620

Yeah, dude !

I'm starting to realize

00:03:07,654 --> 00:03:09,221

it's like the easiest job

in the world, y'know ?

00:03:09,256 --> 00:03:11,156

I mean, we could that !

00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,125

Become a Peruvian flute band ?

00:03:13,159 --> 00:03:14,326

Yeah, why not ?!

00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:16,161

We get some instruments

and some costumes,

00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:20,232

and then make some crappy

pan flute music C.D.s on my computer.

00:03:20,267 --> 00:03:21,767

Oh, my God !

00:03:21,801 --> 00:03:24,136

We are gonna make so much

fucking money, you guys.

00:03:24,170 --> 00:03:26,839

- Teah !

- Woo-hoo !

00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:27,907

But where are we gonna get the money

00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:31,677

to buy costumes and instruments ?

00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:33,445

( doorbell ringing )

00:03:34,814 --> 00:03:39,084

Craig, dude,

how you doing, bro ?

00:03:39,119 --> 00:03:40,219

Fine.

00:03:40,253 --> 00:03:42,187

Cool, awesome !

00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,756

Um, Craig, remember you were tellin' us

00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:47,059

how your Grandma gave you

100 bucks for your birthday ?

00:03:47,093 --> 00:03:47,726

Yeah.

00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:52,431

Craig, how would you like to

turn that $100 into $1 ,000 ?

00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:54,967

Come on in, Craig, have a seat !

00:03:55,001 --> 00:03:56,201

Welcome !

00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:57,403

What do you guys want ?

00:03:57,437 --> 00:03:59,138

Craig, we have chosen you to join our

00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:00,606

Peruvian flute band !

00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:03,042

All right, Craig !

00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:04,243

You mean like those guys you see at all

00:04:04,277 --> 00:04:05,344

the tourist spots ?

00:04:05,378 --> 00:04:06,679

There's a reason they're

everywhere, Craig.

00:04:06,713 --> 00:04:08,080

Because they make bank !

00:04:08,114 --> 00:04:09,281

We just need your money

to buy some instruments

00:04:09,316 --> 00:04:10,482

and make some C.D.s.

00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:14,520

And we'll double your money

in one afternoon, Craig.

00:04:14,554 --> 00:04:16,055

You guys never hang out with me,

00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:17,590

you never invite me to do stuff,

00:04:17,624 --> 00:04:18,924

but now you want me

to be in a band with you

00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:21,694

because my Grandma gave me $100.

00:04:21,728 --> 00:04:25,431

Craig, don't be an asshole.

00:04:25,465 --> 00:04:27,199

I'll go get the money.

00:04:33,239 --> 00:04:35,040

All right, guys, just like we rehearsed it !

00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:36,475

You ready, Craig ?

00:04:36,509 --> 00:04:38,010

All right, let's jam !

00:04:38,044 --> 00:04:39,845

And-a-one,

and-a-two, and a--

00:04:39,879 --> 00:04:42,715

( playing "Mary had a little lamb" )

00:04:45,585 --> 00:04:48,320

Wow, that's such cultural music !

00:04:48,355 --> 00:04:52,257

Very cultural, yes !

00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:55,527

Por favor,

buy our C.D.s de musica.

00:04:58,098 --> 00:05:00,165

Gracias.

00:05:02,535 --> 00:05:04,203

How cultural !

00:05:05,338 --> 00:05:07,306

This is awesome !

00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:09,742

You see, Craig ?

00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:11,877

( real Peruvian music )

00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:17,750

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey !

00:05:17,784 --> 00:05:21,053

Hey, you guys can't play here,

we were here first !

00:05:21,087 --> 00:05:22,521

No trabajar aqui !

00:05:22,555 --> 00:05:24,523

Vaya !

00:05:24,557 --> 00:05:26,392

No playa la musica

en la promenade !

00:05:26,426 --> 00:05:27,393

No es bueno !

00:05:27,427 --> 00:05:30,229

This is our Peruvian flute

band's turf, you got that ?

00:05:35,301 --> 00:05:36,669

Goddamn it !

00:05:36,703 --> 00:05:38,771

No, no, es bueno !

00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,445

Come on, guys !

00:05:47,547 --> 00:05:49,815

( back to "Mary had a little lamb" )

00:05:51,418 --> 00:05:54,319

( another "real" band playing )

00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:58,457

Jesus Christ !

00:05:58,491 --> 00:05:59,525

No, no es bueno !

00:05:59,559 --> 00:06:01,226

No trabajar aqui !

00:06:04,731 --> 00:06:06,699

Ladies and gentlemen,

our nation and our world

00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:10,235

is facing an economic

and ecological crisis

00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:12,337

of disastrous proportions.

00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:16,075

I'm talking, of course,

about Peruvian flute bands.

00:06:16,109 --> 00:06:18,544

( murmuring )

00:06:18,578 --> 00:06:21,814

the red dots indicate where

the highest concentrations

00:06:21,848 --> 00:06:23,282

of Peruvian flute bands are.

00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:25,884

All over the world, wherever

there are tourists or shoppers,

00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:27,286

there are now, on average,

00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:31,156

65 Peruvian flute bands

per square kilometer.

00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:32,391

General ?

00:06:32,425 --> 00:06:33,425

France, Japan,

00:06:33,460 --> 00:06:35,160

and the northeastern United States

00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:37,162

are currently the hardest hit.

00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:40,766

Make no mistake, this is

a pan-flute epidemic.

00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:44,636

A "pandemic" ?

00:06:44,671 --> 00:06:46,605

Three countries in Asia

and seven in Europe

00:06:46,639 --> 00:06:48,707

have already asked for our help

00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:50,008

in getting rid of their

Peruvian flute bands.

00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:52,878

We will need every resource

available to see this through.

00:06:52,912 --> 00:06:56,215

Excuse me, but aid other countries ?

00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:57,082

Senator ?

00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:58,951

With all due respect,

we need to be dealing with

00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:00,753

our own pan-flute bands.

00:07:00,787 --> 00:07:03,322

Let other countries

fend for themselves.

00:07:04,491 --> 00:07:07,659

You heartless bastard.

00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:09,161

This country was founded on beliefs

00:07:09,195 --> 00:07:11,930

in freedom and integrity.

00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:13,398

And we will not sit back and do nothing

00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,200

while less-fortunate countries

00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:17,069

are ravaged by Peruvian flute bands.

00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:18,604

Is that clear !

00:07:18,638 --> 00:07:21,073

( sobbing ashamedly )

00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:23,342

As director of homeland security

00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:24,777

I am taking control of the military

00:07:24,811 --> 00:07:28,247

until the crisis is contained.

00:07:34,554 --> 00:07:36,421

( helicopter approaching )

00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:40,893

Go, go !

00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:45,597

( sirens blaring )

00:07:46,766 --> 00:07:49,635

( now playing "Three Blind Mice" )

00:07:54,073 --> 00:07:57,643

( grunting )

00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:00,045

Ha !

00:08:00,079 --> 00:08:01,647

Serves you right, assholes !

00:08:01,681 --> 00:08:04,449

- Come on, let's go !

- Let's go ! Move out !

00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:06,852

One more over here !

00:08:06,886 --> 00:08:08,020

Let's go, get 'em out !

00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:09,054

Clear out, move !

00:08:09,088 --> 00:08:11,089

This is a homeland-security

operation, people !

00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:12,090

Let's go !

00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:13,458

Hey, back off !

00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:17,229

Make sure all pan-flute music

C.D.s are contained !

00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:24,303

There's Sharon and Shelley.

00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:26,338

They're watching some television.

00:08:26,372 --> 00:08:29,975

Wave to the camera, Shelley !

00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:31,577

What are you watchin', guys ?

00:08:31,611 --> 00:08:32,778

The news.

00:08:32,812 --> 00:08:34,413

Huh ?

00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:36,782

We're watching the news.

00:08:36,816 --> 00:08:38,817

That's the TV in our living room.

00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,419

Still showing commercials right now.

00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:44,656

What do you think about

the television, Shelley ?

00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:46,925

Oh, the news is starting !

00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,761

The government efforts to stop

the Peruvian flute-band crisis

00:08:49,796 --> 00:08:51,396

are now in their third day.

00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:52,865

In cities all over the world,

00:08:52,899 --> 00:08:55,534

flute bands have been removed

and quarantined,

00:08:55,568 --> 00:08:57,469

but more may still be out there.

00:08:57,503 --> 00:08:59,171

Homeland security is requesting that

00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:00,706

if you see a Peruvian flute band,

00:09:00,740 --> 00:09:01,974

do not approach it.

00:09:02,008 --> 00:09:03,742

Mark down the flute band's location

00:09:03,776 --> 00:09:05,544

and do not, under any

circumstances,

00:09:05,578 --> 00:09:07,479

buy their C.D.s.

00:09:07,513 --> 00:09:08,914

The flute bands that

have been contained

00:09:08,948 --> 00:09:12,317

are being taken to

a quarantine area in Miami.

00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:16,889

( truck beeping )

00:09:23,763 --> 00:09:27,266

Excuse us !

Hello ?!

00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:29,701

Excuse me, Sir ?

00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:32,104

Sir, there's been a misunderstanding.

00:09:32,138 --> 00:09:34,273

Could I talk to you for a minute ?

00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:35,073

( Kyle )

Sir ?

00:09:35,108 --> 00:09:37,142

Sir, could we talk to

you for just a second ?

00:09:37,176 --> 00:09:37,943

Get back !

00:09:37,977 --> 00:09:40,612

I'm not buying any of your damn C.D.s !

00:09:40,647 --> 00:09:42,614

No, Sir, there's been

a big misunderstanding,

00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:43,715

we actually aren't a--

00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:46,351

I said I'm not buying any

Goddamn C.D.s today !

00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:47,119

You got that ?

00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:48,687

I'm sick of it !

00:09:48,721 --> 00:09:51,223

Senor, comprar C.D. la musica ?

00:09:53,626 --> 00:09:55,327

Jesus Christ, he fucking shot that guy !

00:10:11,911 --> 00:10:13,879

"Hey, Craig, you know that money

00:10:13,913 --> 00:10:15,747

"your Grandma gave you for your birthday ?

00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,015

"How would you like to invest in

00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:18,917

"a Peruvian flute band ?

00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,219

"you can double your money

in one afternoon.

00:10:21,254 --> 00:10:23,555

Come on, Craig, don't be an asshole."

00:10:23,589 --> 00:10:25,791

( alarm blaring )

00:10:27,026 --> 00:10:29,227

Attention, Peruvian flute bands.

00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:32,965

Atenciones, bandas de flauta Peru.

00:10:32,999 --> 00:10:36,335

We appreciate your

cooperation and patience.

00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:40,105

Cooporacion y paciencia es apreciado.

00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:42,607

Tomorrow, you will be boarding ships...

00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:45,744

Manana, sera el embarque de barcos...

00:10:45,778 --> 00:10:48,447

... which will take you to Guantanamo Bay...

00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:51,783

... que le llevara a bahia Guantanamo...

00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:54,419

... where you will spend the rest of your lives.

00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:57,322

... donde pasar el resto de sus vidas.

00:10:57,357 --> 00:10:58,991

Gracias !

00:11:00,126 --> 00:11:01,526

Guantanamo Bay ?

00:11:01,561 --> 00:11:03,495

We can't go to Guantanamo Bay !

00:11:03,529 --> 00:11:04,730

Don't worry, you guys.

00:11:04,764 --> 00:11:08,233

I'm sure our parents are

freaking out right now trying to find us.

00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,871

Please, Mr. and Mrs. Tucker,

our boys were last seen

00:11:12,905 --> 00:11:14,740

hanging out with your son Craig.

00:11:14,774 --> 00:11:16,708

Do you have any idea where

they could have gone ?

00:11:16,743 --> 00:11:19,578

No, I'm telling you,

this isn't like Craig at all.

00:11:19,612 --> 00:11:20,946

I'm really worried !

00:11:20,980 --> 00:11:22,481

You've checked with the police ?

00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:23,782

Nobody knows anything.

00:11:23,816 --> 00:11:25,984

It's like the boys just vanished.

00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:28,587

None of the other kids

have seen them since the--

00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:30,555

Randy, will you put that thing down ?!

00:11:30,590 --> 00:11:31,390

What is wrong with you ?!

00:11:31,424 --> 00:11:33,291

Our son is missing !

00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:35,160

Hey, I'm worried about him too, Sharon.

00:11:35,194 --> 00:11:37,362

Well, then stop being an idiot and help !

00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:39,297

Maybe the boys all ran away.

00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:41,466

Were any of your boys

upset about anything ?

00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:43,668

All we know is they were

seen hanging out with Craig

00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:44,369

and now they're gone.

00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:45,704

This is exactly why I told Kyle

00:11:45,738 --> 00:11:47,005

not to hang around their boy !

00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,473

What is that supposed to mean ?!

00:11:48,508 --> 00:11:49,908

To be honest, Mrs. Tucker,

00:11:49,942 --> 00:11:52,844

we think Craig is a bad

influence on our boys.

00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:54,679

Now wait just a minute !

00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,782

I'm just saying that your

son has some problems--

00:11:56,816 --> 00:11:58,417

Like every kid doesn't

have some problems !

00:11:58,451 --> 00:12:00,519

Obviously, Craig has gotten them

into some kind of trouble !

00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:01,386

( Mrs. Tucker )

Oh, my God !

00:12:01,421 --> 00:12:05,557

O-ho, this is good !

00:12:05,591 --> 00:12:06,725

Sir, good news.

00:12:06,759 --> 00:12:08,060

Looks like we did it.

00:12:08,094 --> 00:12:10,896

Every major city is reporting

zero Peruvian flute bands.

00:12:10,930 --> 00:12:12,030

We got em all.

00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,999

[all cheering]

00:12:14,033 --> 00:12:16,735

Calm down, people,

we still have work to do.

00:12:16,769 --> 00:12:19,538

We have to take out the place

these flute bands came from

00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:21,006

so they never come again !

00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,075

We don't know where they came from, Sir.

00:12:23,109 --> 00:12:27,312

We've been researching,

but we can't figure it out.

00:12:27,346 --> 00:12:28,947

Well, think about it, idiot.

00:12:28,981 --> 00:12:33,452

Where else would Peruvian

flute bands come from ?

00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:35,787

Hmm.

00:12:35,822 --> 00:12:37,556

The country is in the name !

00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:39,624

No, Sir, we checked the entire map.

00:12:39,659 --> 00:12:42,661

There isn't a country

called "Peruvian" anywhere.

00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:44,729

Not Peruvian, retards !

Peru !

00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,298

It's right here !

00:12:46,332 --> 00:12:47,933

Peru...

00:12:47,967 --> 00:12:52,737

Now, I want a plan in place

to take out Peru once and for all.

00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,873

Is that really necessary, Sir ?

00:12:54,907 --> 00:12:56,641

It seems a little extreme.

00:12:56,676 --> 00:12:57,742

Yeah.

00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,045

Peruvian flute bands will

never stop annoying us

00:13:00,079 --> 00:13:01,913

unless they are stopped at the source !

00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:03,882

Sir, you better come quick.

00:13:03,916 --> 00:13:06,418

One of the pan-flute bands

was caught trying to escape.

00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:08,887

See ?

Goddamn it !

00:13:10,890 --> 00:13:14,626

The Llama Brothers:

Tapas and Moodscapes.

00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:15,760

This is a mistake, Sir.

00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,429

We aren't really a Peruvian flute band.

00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:18,630

Right.

00:13:18,664 --> 00:13:20,899

You just play pan-flute music at the mall

00:13:20,933 --> 00:13:22,601

and sell C.D.s of you with a llama,

00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,669

but you're not a Peruvian flute band.

00:13:24,704 --> 00:13:26,304

We-- we're just kids, you know ?

00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:27,739

We were just trying to make some money.

00:13:27,773 --> 00:13:29,040

We just wanna go home !

00:13:29,075 --> 00:13:29,875

Sir, please.

00:13:29,909 --> 00:13:32,244

I'm supposed to get laid for

the first time on Saturday.

00:13:32,278 --> 00:13:34,446

Which tourist location

were they playing at ?

00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:36,481

An outdoor mall in Colorado.

00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:38,583

Look, we're from Colorado.

00:13:38,618 --> 00:13:40,051

We-- we grew up in the United States !

00:13:40,086 --> 00:13:41,086

We speak english !

00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:44,022

And we're white !

00:13:44,056 --> 00:13:46,291

Let me talk to you guys out here.

00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:48,527

Well, what do you think ?

00:13:48,561 --> 00:13:50,262

I don't know what to make of it, Sir.

00:13:50,296 --> 00:13:52,230

It's like nothing I've ever seen before.

00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:54,432

Clearly they are a Peruvian flute band

00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:56,201

and yet they aren't.

00:13:56,235 --> 00:13:58,403

They play pan-flute music like the others,

00:13:58,437 --> 00:14:01,306

but they talk and act like one of us.

00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:02,674

I agree.

00:14:02,708 --> 00:14:05,510

They're obviously some kind of hybrid.

00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:06,878

A hybrid ?

00:14:06,913 --> 00:14:08,513

How is that possible ?

00:14:08,548 --> 00:14:10,048

Perhaps a Peruvian flute band

00:14:10,082 --> 00:14:12,751

mated with one of our females--

who knows ?

00:14:12,785 --> 00:14:14,219

Well, however they came to be,

00:14:14,253 --> 00:14:16,454

they're about the only piece

of good luck we've had.

00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:17,422

Sir ?

00:14:17,456 --> 00:14:19,791

If they are the hybrid we're talking about,

00:14:19,825 --> 00:14:22,160

then they could be

our way of taking out Peru

00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:24,296

once and for all.

00:14:26,666 --> 00:14:28,200

Do you guys know why

nobody else at school

00:14:28,234 --> 00:14:31,069

likes hanging out with you ?

00:14:31,103 --> 00:14:32,904

Because you're always doing stuff like this.

00:14:32,939 --> 00:14:34,673

You're always coming up

with some stupid idea

00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:36,208

to do something,

and then it backfires

00:14:36,242 --> 00:14:37,943

and then you end up in

some foreign country

00:14:37,977 --> 00:14:40,178

or in outer space or something.

00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:43,181

That's why no one likes

hanging out with you guys.

00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,818

You're being extremely negative, Craig.

00:14:46,852 --> 00:14:48,353

All right, here's the deal.

00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:50,755

Maybe you are on our side

and maybe you aren't,

00:14:50,790 --> 00:14:53,158

but if you help us, we'll get you home.

00:14:53,192 --> 00:14:54,025

Help you how ?

00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:56,461

You're able to walk amongst

the Peruvian flute bands.

00:14:56,495 --> 00:14:57,629

They see you as one of them.

00:14:57,663 --> 00:15:00,799

We are going to send you to their capitol.

00:15:00,833 --> 00:15:02,267

Can we please just go home, Sir ?

00:15:02,301 --> 00:15:04,636

We still don't know whose side you're on !

00:15:04,670 --> 00:15:06,438

You do this and we'll know.

00:15:06,472 --> 00:15:07,939

You leave for Peru in the morning.

00:15:07,974 --> 00:15:09,708

No, no, I'm not going to Peru !

00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:11,543

- Not Peru !

- Kyle, calm down.

00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:13,712

You know I can't go there, Stan !

00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:15,013

One of our friends was raped in Peru.

00:15:15,047 --> 00:15:18,216

It was very traumatic.

00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:19,551

You don't have a choice !

00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:21,720

Either you go to Peru,

00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:25,156

or you get locked up forever

with the other flute bands.

00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:29,828

Thompson, can you come over here ?

00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:32,230

The flute band players

won't shut up about something

00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:33,698

and I can't understand them.

00:15:33,733 --> 00:15:35,967

Por favor, no podemos ir !

00:15:36,002 --> 00:15:39,004

Estamos aqui para

proteger a ustedes !

00:15:39,038 --> 00:15:41,206

- Si, no podemos ir !

- Que son protectores.

00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:42,674

They're saying something like,

00:15:42,708 --> 00:15:46,578

"You can't send us away,

we are the protectors."

00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:48,480

Protectors from what ?

00:15:48,514 --> 00:15:51,750

La muerte peluda !

00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:53,618

What does that mean ?

00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:58,323

I think he said, "the furry death."

00:15:58,357 --> 00:16:02,360

La muerte peluda !

00:16:04,096 --> 00:16:06,364

( announcer )

This is CNN.

00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:08,099

The last of the Peruvian flute bands

00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:09,668

have successfully been eradicated

00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:11,403

from every part of the world.

00:16:11,437 --> 00:16:13,305

Paul Harris is at the shopping promenade,

00:16:13,339 --> 00:16:15,273

and, Paul, pretty nice not having any

00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:17,776

Peruvian flute music there I suspect ?

00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:20,045

Really welcome silence, Tom.

00:16:20,079 --> 00:16:21,980

There hasn't been

a Peruvian pan-flute band

00:16:22,014 --> 00:16:23,548

in sight for days now

00:16:23,582 --> 00:16:25,784

and everyone is really

enjoying the peace.

00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:28,253

The world can breathe a

collective sigh of relief now,

00:16:28,287 --> 00:16:29,421

as we thank the...

00:16:29,455 --> 00:16:32,357

( deep alien moan )

00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:37,629

What the...

00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:39,130

( man )

Oh, my God !

00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:42,901

( siren blaring )

- Jesus Christ!

00:16:42,935 --> 00:16:45,070

( screaming )

00:16:45,104 --> 00:16:46,771

There's-- there's something else here !

00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:49,207

It's not a Peruvian flute band, it's--

00:16:49,241 --> 00:16:51,443

Oh, my God, what is that thing ?!

00:16:51,477 --> 00:16:52,811

Paul, what are you seeing ?!

00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:56,281

It's furry !

It's very furry !

00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:02,921

Okay, obviously something

different has shown up.

00:17:02,955 --> 00:17:04,522

Did he say "furry" ?

00:17:07,793 --> 00:17:11,463

Okay, uh, we're experiencing some--

00:17:11,497 --> 00:17:12,764

( alien moan )

00:17:12,798 --> 00:17:14,833

( glass shattering )

00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:15,867

( deeper growl )

00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:18,403

Oh, my God, what is that thing ?!

00:17:18,437 --> 00:17:20,004

( screaming )

00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:31,750

All right, we're about

800 kilometers from Peru.

00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:33,451

There'll be a truck to take

you inside the border

00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:36,821

where you'll be briefed

on mission specifics.

00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,161

Was there ever a moment

00:17:43,195 --> 00:17:44,362

when you guys first came up with

00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,731

the genius plan to become

a Peruvian flute band

00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:48,533

that any of you said,

00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:52,303

"Hey, you know, this plan might backfire" ?

00:17:53,939 --> 00:17:56,040

No, that never occurs to you,

00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,675

because you guys are jerks

00:17:57,710 --> 00:17:59,744

and you never learn from your mistakes.

00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:03,882

And that's why everyone at school

thinks you guys are assholes.

00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,083

That's not true !

00:18:05,117 --> 00:18:07,118

Kids at school like us--

don't they ?

00:18:07,153 --> 00:18:08,420

Yeah, dude, kids at school totally like us.

00:18:08,454 --> 00:18:09,487

Craig's just being a dick

00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:11,890

because we're having

a tough time right now.

00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:13,358

I'm being a dick ?

00:18:13,392 --> 00:18:15,360

Yes !

00:18:15,394 --> 00:18:16,828

You guys took my birthday money,

00:18:16,862 --> 00:18:19,264

got me arrested and sent to

Miami with no way home

00:18:19,298 --> 00:18:20,832

except to take down the country of Peru,

00:18:20,866 --> 00:18:23,802

and I'm being a dick.

00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:25,203

There's no talking to this guy.

00:18:25,237 --> 00:18:26,571

All right, fine, Craig.

00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:27,872

When we get back home,

we'll get you your money back

00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:30,241

and we'll never talk to you again--

how's that ?

00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:33,144

That would be great, thank you.

00:18:33,179 --> 00:18:34,145

This is wrong.

00:18:34,180 --> 00:18:35,513

This just doesn't make any sense.

00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:38,583

Why would homeland security

send us into Peru ?

00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:40,618

Because they were starting

to take over the world ?

00:18:40,653 --> 00:18:42,320

I don't know, it just feels like

00:18:42,354 --> 00:18:46,624

there's got to be something

else going on here.

00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:48,726

Please, I don't know where else to turn.

00:18:48,761 --> 00:18:50,695

The police haven't been any help.

00:18:50,729 --> 00:18:54,098

I think our boys might really

be in trouble this time.

00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,834

Yes, yes.

00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:57,836

Please check and call me right back.

00:18:57,870 --> 00:19:00,271

Thank you.

00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:01,573

Randy, I swear to God,

00:19:01,607 --> 00:19:03,107

if you don't put that thing away--

00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,609

Sharon, you're gonna be really glad I have

00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:06,511

all this footage of the family some day.

00:19:06,545 --> 00:19:08,246

I mean it, Randy, that's enough !

00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:09,247

You don't have to videotape every single--

00:19:09,281 --> 00:19:13,651

( low moan )

00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:16,654

What the hell was that ?

00:19:16,689 --> 00:19:17,655

Oh, my God !

00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:18,823

Something's going on outside.

00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:20,692

Stay here !

00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:22,961

What's going on, Dad ?!

00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:25,163

Get back to your room, Shelley !

00:19:26,398 --> 00:19:29,434

( screaming )

00:19:33,372 --> 00:19:34,706

What's going on ?!

00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:36,241

( Mr. Garrison )

They're all over the place !

00:19:36,275 --> 00:19:37,275

What are ?!

00:19:37,309 --> 00:19:39,711

They're really furry !

00:19:39,745 --> 00:19:43,281

( screaming )

00:19:43,315 --> 00:19:45,783

What did that ?!

00:19:45,818 --> 00:19:47,285

( screaming )

00:19:47,319 --> 00:19:49,053

What is that thing ?!

00:19:49,088 --> 00:19:50,221

Mr. Marsh, you have to move !

00:19:50,256 --> 00:19:52,757

It isn't safe to be here !

00:19:53,492 --> 00:19:54,926

( panting )

00:19:56,929 --> 00:19:58,796

( screaming )

00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:03,568

( car alarm blaring )

00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:06,638

Oh, my God !

00:20:06,672 --> 00:20:08,873

Go, go, go !

Go back the other way !

00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:14,546

( panting )

00:20:14,580 --> 00:20:17,382

Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.

00:20:17,416 --> 00:20:18,683

Oh, God...

00:20:18,717 --> 00:20:22,320

I'm... I'm so startled.

00:20:22,354 --> 00:20:24,856

( woman )

Oh, my God !

00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:26,157

Ahghghgh !

00:20:31,664 --> 00:20:34,899

Sir, we've got a bigger problem.

00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:36,301

Oh ?

00:20:36,335 --> 00:20:37,702

And what might that be ?

00:20:37,736 --> 00:20:40,238

New reports are coming in from

cities all over the world.

00:20:40,272 --> 00:20:42,507

Word of massive destruction and death

00:20:42,541 --> 00:20:46,277

by what appear to be...

00:20:46,312 --> 00:20:49,247

Guinea pigs ?

00:20:49,281 --> 00:20:53,551

Yes, Sir, how did you know ?

00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,120

You were so close to figuring it all out, Davis,

00:20:56,155 --> 00:20:57,956

did you know that ?

00:20:57,990 --> 00:20:58,823

Sir ?

00:20:58,857 --> 00:21:00,825

I really thought you had me in Miami,

00:21:00,859 --> 00:21:04,696

but you just couldn't quite

put the pieces together.

00:21:04,730 --> 00:21:09,667

You-- you...knew this was going to happen ?

00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:12,303

Oh, this is only the beginning, Davis,

00:21:12,338 --> 00:21:14,739

and I can't let you interfere.

00:21:14,773 --> 00:21:15,840

Bwahahhgghh !

00:21:15,874 --> 00:21:20,612

Ahghghghghghghgh !

00:21:24,516 --> 00:21:25,383

Sorry, my friend,

00:21:25,417 --> 00:21:28,419

but I've worked too hard

to make all this happen.

00:21:28,454 --> 00:21:31,055

The pan-flute bands are

on their way to their deaths,

00:21:31,090 --> 00:21:32,857

the guinea pigs are rising,

00:21:32,891 --> 00:21:36,494

and the only person who

could have stopped all this

00:21:36,528 --> 00:21:39,964

is on his way to the middle of nowhere.