Конец соединения

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Вылезай из интернета, Стенли, пора спать.

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Мам, мне еще пару дел сделать надо.

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Живо, Стенли! Интернет подождет до утра.

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Вырубай!

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Блин!

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Шелли, выключай, пора спать!

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Мааам, я переписываюсь со своим парнем из Монтаны.

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Живо, Шелли!

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За что ты меня так ненавидишь?!

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Ренди, выключай!

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НЕЕЕТ! Ну перестань, оставь меня в покое!

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Нет, мистер! Пора баиньки!

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Но Шерон, у меня еще куча дел.

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Я должен проверить состояние своего счета, пообщаться с Нельсоном, посмотреть фотки "безумных каникул".

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Совсем не обязательно делать все это сейчас.

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Еще что-нибудь ОДНО и в кроватку.

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Еще одно?

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Какого хрена?

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Стен! Я должен воспользоваться твоим компьютером.

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Че?!

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Мой и-нет не работает, я в твоем посижу.

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Оставь папу в одиночестве, о'кей?

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Мой и-нет тоже не работает!

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Че?!

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Паап! Интернет не работает!

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Да я в курсе уже!

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Я должна пообщаться с моим возлюбленным Амиром перед школой!

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Ренди, у меня почта не открывается.

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Все успокойтесь!

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УСПОКОЙТЕСЬ, ладно?

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Все будет хорошо!

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НЕЛЬЗЯ ПАНИКОВАТЬ!

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Джеральд, пожалуйста, помоги!

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Ренди, что стряслось?

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В нашем доме

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нет интернета!

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О, Господи!

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Мы все потеряли!

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Он просто исчез!

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Заходи. Можешь попользоваться нашим интернетом, пока не выяснишь, в чем дело.

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Спасибо, Джеральд.

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Я первый!

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Вот уж хрен!

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Кайл, дай в и-нете посидеть!

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Он не фурычит.

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Че?!

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Я все пытаюсь и пытаюсь законнектиться...

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Нет, наш интернет не мог сломаться.

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Я его только прошлой ночью тестил!

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Он не работает, Джеральд.

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Но он обязан!

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Может, если я...

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ИНТЕРНЕТ НЕ РАБОТАЕТ, ДЖЕРАЛЬД, ПРИЗНАЙ ЭТО!!!

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Мне нужно законнектиться до школы.

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Пойдемте в Starbucks'е в и-нете посидим.

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Точно! Starbucks!

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Берите вещи! Поедем на моей машине.

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Эй, ребят, у вас интернет работает?

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Нет! Ничей не работает!

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ЧТО, МАТЬ ВАШУ, ПРОИСХОДИТ?!

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Господи, щас все в Starbucks попрутся!

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Все в машину, мы должны попасть туда раньше!

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Боже, весь район пострадал!

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Отвали, Питерсон!

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Граждане, здесь нет интернета

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говорю же, НЕ работает!

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И здесь не работает?!

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Дети, обратно в машину, едем в Maxtor.

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Не стоит

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вы зря потратите время.

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Тебе-то откуда знать?!

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Мы только что оттуда.

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Там не было ничего!

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Никаких следов интернета!

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Нигде нет интернета? Что вообще происходит?!

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У кого-нибудь есть наладонник?

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Проверьте новости.

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Отличная идея!

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Стоп! Мы не можем проверить новости, интернета ж нет!

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Ну должен же быть какой-то способ выяснить, в чем дело.

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Его нет!

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Вы что, не понимаете?!

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Как мы без интернета выясним что с интернетом?!

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А откуда мы получали новости до интернета?

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Телевидение!

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Мы снова извиняемся, но у нас нет для вас новостей.

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Оказалось, что у нас на 4-м канале нет интернета.

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Мы с удовольствием сообщим вам о текущих событиях сразу, как только появится интернет.

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Боже, оно всех накрыло.

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Возможно, всю страну.

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Алло! У вас есть интернет?

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Это новости 4-го канала.

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Нет, у нас тоже нет интернета.

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Нет интернета

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нигде.

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Господи

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мы одни...

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ПОНЕДЕЛЬНИК

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8 ДНЕЙ БЕЗ ИНТЕРНЕТА

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В чем дело?

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Не знаю...

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Мне очень нужно в сеть

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видишь, что со мной из-за этого

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но я НЕ МОГУ!

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А что, если мой любимый в сети и ищет меня?

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Он, наверное, в недоумении, почему я не с ним в он-лайне...

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Может, он думает, что я мертва!

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Если мой возлюбленный найдет другую и-нет-девушку, я его убью!

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...И тебя!

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Шелли, стой! Утихомирься!

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Пап! Сделай что-нить, она в неадеквате!

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Ты прав, мы больше не можем просто здесь сидеть.

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Ренди, куда вы?

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Мы отправимся на запад

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ходят слухи, что там осталось немного интернета.

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Мы отправимся в сторону Калифорнии.

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Вы ведь не знаете, есть ли в Калифорнии интернет.

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Ну здесь его точно нет.

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Может пора уже снять розовые очки?

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Интернет здесь скончался.

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Он может вернуться.

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Да, а может и не вернуться.

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А в данный момент у меня семья, которой нужен интернет прямо сейчас.

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Мы отправимся в Калифорнию и посмотрим, что мы сможем найти.

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Ну... вперед.

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Послушай..

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...найдете интернет

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дайте нам знать, хорошо?

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Но как?

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У вас же не будет интернета.

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"До Калифорнии. Нужен интернет"

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Извините, ребят, у нас все забито.

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А больше остановиться негде?

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Мы едем в Калифорнию в поисках интернета.

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Вам и всем остальным

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придется сидет снаружи в лагере для тех, кто транзитом едет в Калифорнию.

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Он милей дальше.

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"Кемпинг - $50"

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Я еду по дороге

И мне хреново...

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Я еду по дороге

И мне хреново...

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Я еду по дороге

И схожу с ума, о нет!

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Мой интернет не открывается.

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Ты откуда, старик?

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Канзас-сити.

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У меня там был магазинчик...

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Магазинчик комплектующих...

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Но интернет накрылся, и магазинчик вслед за ним.

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Все изменится, когда мы доберемся до Калифорнии.

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Вскоре, когда у нас будет интернет, все наладится.

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Да, точно!

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В Силиконовой Долине интернета на всех хватит.

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Говорят, Америка практически "вращается" вокруг нее.

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Когда я доберусь туда, буду кликать на все, что кликабельно!

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Может, даже кликну на рекламные ссылки, просто чтоб открыть.

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А я просто засяду в интернете и стану спамить всех письмами!

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Просто буду спамить, пока мои пальцы не сотрутся до костей.

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Да, было бы здорово!

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Ребят, вы все едите в Силиконовую Долину?

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Точно. Нам надо законнектиться.

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Законнектиться, говоришь?

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А че смешного?!

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Ну подумайте

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сколько людей едут в Калифорнию?

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Миллион?

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Больше?

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А сколько, вы думаете, у них там интернета?

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Может, немного и есть

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но если все сразу подконнектятся

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будет ооочень медленно.

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Я знаю, я видел подобное...

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Двое моих детей пытались загрузить страничку

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это заняло больше трех дней!

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Они сказали, что просто стонали от нетерпения...

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Когда шкала загрузки была только на половине, целые сутки миновали...

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Прошли в ожидании интернета

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а потом загрузка остановилась.

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Пойдем, Стен, отдохнем.

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Амир

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я так по тебе скучаю!

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Не плачь, Шелли.

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Ты сможешь законнектиться, когда мы приедем в Калифорнию.

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Все, подъем!

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Мы приехали!

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Силиконовая Долина, Калифорния!

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"Лагерь интернет-беженцев"

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Имя?

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У вас здесь есть интернет?

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ИМЯ?

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Марш.

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Провайдер?

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Net-0.

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Следуйте за очередью, когда окажетесь внутри, волонтеры Красного Креста покажут вам ваше место в лагере.

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Ну так интернет-то есть?

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Оставайтесь в очереди и получите место в лагере.

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Извините, мы ищем интернет.

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Да, он здесь есть...

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Круто!

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Но на всех не хватает...

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Все, что есть - совсем немного интернета...

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Только одна палочка сигнала.

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Поэтому приходится делить на всех по чуть-чуть.

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Отметьтесь вон там и сможете посерфить когда назовут ваше имя.

00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:39,100

Каждой семье - по 40 секунд в день.

00:10:39,100 --> 00:10:40,300

40 секунд?!

00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:43,000

Да этого не хватит даже в Википедию глянуть.

00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:45,300

Но это все, что у нас есть, и мы должны выполнять свой долг.

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Смотри, милая, я заказал пару книг на Amazone.

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Все, время вышло.

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Нет! Стойте, я должен отослать им адрес доставки...

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Следующий: Grady, John H.

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Ну и как я так посмотрю и-нет порно?!

00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:01,400

Что ты сказал?

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Вперед, Шерон.

00:11:03,300 --> 00:11:06,400

Раздели и-нет время между детьми, а мне надо поговорить кое-с-кем.

00:11:12,100 --> 00:11:18,100

Все что мы знаем: то, что интернет еще может быть в Калифорнии и в части Флориды.

00:11:18,100 --> 00:11:20,700

Но у нас по-прежнему его нет.

00:11:22,700 --> 00:11:24,700

Факс! Факс пришел!

00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:25,600

Да! Факс!

00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:29,300

Факс-факс-факс-факс!

00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:35,700

Тут говорится: правительство послало своих лучших людей к интернету чтобы починить его.

00:11:37,300 --> 00:11:39,200

Мы получили это сообщение из интернета!

00:11:42,300 --> 00:11:43,700

А где находится интернет?

00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:55,400

Господа!

00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:59,500

Президент взбешен тем, что интернет до сих пор не работает!

00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:01,200

Мы все перепробовали, сэр!

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Но интернет слишком медленный, мы не можем заставить его работать как надо.

00:12:04,700 --> 00:12:08,100

Проводите меня. Я хочу лично увидеть интернет.

00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:14,800

Вот он, генерал.

00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,200

Интернет!

00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:25,000

Ну и что с ним?

00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:27,300

Видите мигающую лампочку посердине?

00:12:28,300 --> 00:12:30,200

Она должна быть постоянно зеленой.

00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:34,400

Боже мой!

00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:39,300

"Танцующие кошечки точка ком"

00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:40,600

Что бы это могло быть?

00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:44,700

Кликните на танцующую кошечку и выйграйте приз!

00:12:45,700 --> 00:12:46,800

Ну все, время вышло!

00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,400

Ну я только на кошечку кликну!

00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:49,200

Вот оно!

00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,600

Нет! Этого недостаточно!

00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:54,500

Следующий: Nelson Peter T.

00:12:55,300 --> 00:12:56,300

Прошу прощения!

00:12:56,300 --> 00:12:59,100

Мне нужно немного личного и-нет времени.

00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:01,000

Послущай, мы здесь стараемся пережить все это

00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:02,700

все довольствуются тем, что есть.

00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:07,000

Я уже 2 недели не передергивал.

00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:09,600

Ну так передерните.

00:13:09,900 --> 00:13:13,000

Вы не понимаете, мне нужен интернет чтобы подрочить.

00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:17,500

Я, знаете ли привык видет все, что хочу по одному только клику...

00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:22,900

Если один раз вздрочнул на девочек-японок, блюющих друг другу в рот, ты уже просто не можешь вернуться к Плейбою.

00:13:22,900 --> 00:13:24,400

Ну и что вы от нас хотите?

00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:27,300

Взять компьютер и занести его внутрь на 10 минут только для вас?!

00:13:27,300 --> 00:13:28,800

Трех минут хватит вполне.

00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:29,800

Отвали!

00:13:34,100 --> 00:13:37,900

Ладно, возьмите свои билеты, а когда назовут ваши имена, сможете полазить в и-нете.

00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:39,800

Какой у тебя номер, коротышка?

00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:40,900

851.

00:13:40,900 --> 00:13:43,100

Теперь у тебя 923.

00:13:44,100 --> 00:13:44,900

Мааам!

00:13:45,300 --> 00:13:47,100

Шелли, отдай билет обратно своему брату!

00:13:47,100 --> 00:13:49,100

Вы что все, не видите моих страданий?!

00:13:49,100 --> 00:13:51,300

Никто не понимает чистой любви.

00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:54,900

Амир и я ближе друг-другу чем кто-либо в этой тупой семье.

00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:02,400

Сюда!

00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:07,100

Ты ведь искал интернет-порно?

00:14:07,100 --> 00:14:08,300

Да, откуда вы узнали?

00:14:08,300 --> 00:14:11,400

Многие из нас приехали сюда за этим.

00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:17,700

Мы все привыкли смотреть самое извращенное порно через и-нет, и теперь просто не можем вернутся к Плейбою.

00:14:17,700 --> 00:14:18,900

Да, я знаю!

00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,900

Но у нас есть симулятор!

00:14:21,900 --> 00:14:24,700

Ты просто озвучиваешь то, что хочешь увидеть, а потом говоришь "клик!"

00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,300

"Симулятор интернет порно"

00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:29,300

Попробуй!

00:14:33,700 --> 00:14:34,900

"Все, что хочешь увидеть всего одним кликом!"

00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,300

Девочки-японки, обменивающиеся желтыми струйками.

00:14:38,300 --> 00:14:39,400

Клик!

00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:46,600

Блин, это - отстой. Я не могу дрочить на это!

00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:50,100

Черт!

00:14:51,700 --> 00:14:52,400

Так...

00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,300

Межрассовое кончание в рот.

00:14:54,300 --> 00:14:54,900

Клик!

00:14:58,700 --> 00:15:00,100

Трансы, давай попробуем трансов!

00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:00,700

Клик!

00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:04,200

Зоофилия!

00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:04,900

Кликаю на нее!

00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:09,300

Бразильское пердежное фетиш-порно!

00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:10,600

Клик! Клик!

00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:16,300

Нет, это не сработает!

00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:20,900

Это совсем не то...

00:15:20,900 --> 00:15:22,500

Ну извини...

00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:24,600

Это будет стоить тебе 49 долларов с кредитки.

00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:27,200

Хоть что-то такое же, как в интернете.

00:15:28,100 --> 00:15:30,200

У нас на связи наш репортер.

00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:31,500

Прямое включение.

00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:34,300

Том, я нахожусь рядом с интернетом.

00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:37,700

Где правительственные служащие делают все, что в их силах, чтобы заставить его снова работать.

00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:42,600

Ладно, интернет, что ты от нас хочешь?

00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:50,100

Если мы прогневали тебя чем-нибудь, скажи нам!

00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:52,700

Попробуйте еще раз связаться с ним по через цифровые каналы.

00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:18,200

Меня достала эта штука!

00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:19,800

Стреляй предупредительный, солдат!

00:16:26,100 --> 00:16:27,700

Минуточку!

00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:31,800

Возможно ли...

00:16:31,900 --> 00:16:34,000

В чем дело, Кайл?

00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:37,100

Мне кажется, я знаю в чем дело.

00:16:47,100 --> 00:16:48,600

Как долго!

00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:51,000

Когда уже будет наша очередь пользоваться интернетом?!

00:16:51,500 --> 00:16:52,700

Скоро.

00:16:53,300 --> 00:16:55,800

Ладно, пора спать. Никакого больше интернета сегодня.

00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:03,800

Нет, нет, мы запрем его до завтра. Всем спать!

00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,400

Ну наконец-то!

00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:34,500

Я снова он-лайн!

00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:40,900

Девочки-японки, блюющие друг-другу в рот...

00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:55,600

Таак... посмотрим...

00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:58,200

Зоофилия...

00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:09,300

Немного...

00:18:09,300 --> 00:18:12,300

бразильского пердежного порно...

00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:18,200

То, что надо!

00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:24,200

Что это?

00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:26,700

Как будто кого-то тигр рвет на части...

00:18:29,300 --> 00:18:30,600

Ключи! Мы должны попасть внутрь!

00:18:41,100 --> 00:18:41,900

Че за?!

00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:43,100

Пап?!

00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:44,100

Ренди!

00:18:45,900 --> 00:18:46,400

Тут был

00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:47,400

призрак!

00:18:48,500 --> 00:18:50,000

Это его эктоплазма!

00:18:50,700 --> 00:18:51,800

Видели призрака?!

00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:53,900

Он пролетел прямо через меня!

00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:55,500

Сукин сын!

00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:58,000

Это не я! Это все страшный призрак!

00:19:00,700 --> 00:19:02,500

Это наш последний шанс.

00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:03,900

В своей безысходности

00:19:03,900 --> 00:19:07,300

правительство позволит одному храброму 9-ти летнему мальчику

00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:10,200

испробовать свой метод заставить интернет снова работать.

00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:12,600

И вот решающий момент.

00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:15,400

Сможет ли маленький еврейский мальчик договориться с интернетом

00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,300

или интернет канет в лету.

00:19:18,300 --> 00:19:19,600

Все готово...

00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:21,100

Хорошо.

00:19:21,100 --> 00:19:22,100

Сделай это!

00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:44,700

Смотрите!

00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:47,300

Мигающая желтая лампочка теперь постоянно-зеленая.

00:19:47,300 --> 00:19:48,300

Он сделал это!

00:19:48,300 --> 00:19:49,800

У меня интернет!

00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:50,600

И у меня!

00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:52,700

Наблюдается наличие интернета во всех секторах, сэр.

00:19:57,900 --> 00:19:59,000

У меня интернет!

00:19:59,000 --> 00:19:59,900

И у меня!

00:19:59,900 --> 00:20:01,200

Он вернулся!

00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:04,600

Он вернулся?!

00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:05,300

Он вернулся!

00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:08,000

Он работает!

00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:11,100

Я снова могу чатиться со своим любимым Амиром!

00:20:11,900 --> 00:20:12,900

Шелли?

00:20:12,900 --> 00:20:13,800

Шелли Марш?

00:20:15,500 --> 00:20:16,200

Чего?

00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:17,900

Это ж я, Амир!

00:20:20,700 --> 00:20:21,500

Круто...

00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:23,400

Твоя семья тоже сюда приехала?

00:20:25,500 --> 00:20:26,100

Ну да...

00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:32,400

Ну так... я тебе отпишусь, когда приеду домой...

00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:34,000

Да, хорошо...

00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,400

Ну ладно, увидимся...

00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:40,000

Мы снова вместе!

Мы снова вместе!

00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:48,700

Ну и что же мы поняли, пережив все это?

00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:50,900

Интернет ушел

00:20:50,900 --> 00:20:52,100

но вернулся.

00:20:52,900 --> 00:20:54,900

Но мы не знаем, на сколько.

00:20:56,100 --> 00:20:58,900

Мы больше не можем держать интернет безгранично доступным.

00:20:58,900 --> 00:21:02,400

МЫ, всей страной, должны прекратить переподключаться снова и снова.

00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,700

Мы должны использовать интернет только тогда, когда он нам действительно нужен.

00:21:06,700 --> 00:21:10,000

Нам удобно думать, что мы можем использовать весь интернет когда хотим...

00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:12,900

Но если мы не будем относится к интернету

00:21:12,900 --> 00:21:14,400

С УВАЖЕНИЕМ

00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:17,700

которого он заслуживает

00:21:18,500 --> 00:21:20,300

когда-нибудь, он уйдет навсегда!

00:21:21,500 --> 00:21:24,800

Так что давайте учиться жить С интернетом, а не РАДИ него.

00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:26,900

Никаких больше бесцельных просмотров...

00:21:26,900 --> 00:21:30,000

Никаких больше бессмысленных серфов на ноуте во время просмотра телевизора...

00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:32,000

И наконец...

00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:36,400

Мы должны научится смотреть интернет порно дважды в день

00:21:37,500 --> 00:21:38,800

МАКСИМУМ!

00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:48,400

Субтитры: Lex666

00:00:09,609 --> 00:00:11,544

♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪

00:00:11,578 --> 00:00:13,112

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:13,146 --> 00:00:14,880

♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

00:00:14,915 --> 00:00:16,148

♪ Going down to South Park ♪

00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:18,050

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,085 --> 00:00:19,852

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:19,886 --> 00:00:21,487

♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪

00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:22,722

♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪

00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:24,824

♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:28,060

♪ ( mumbling ) ♪

00:00:28,095 --> 00:00:29,462

♪ Come on down to South Park ♪

00:00:29,496 --> 00:00:31,897

♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪♪

00:00:37,137 --> 00:00:39,538

Get off the internet, Stanley,

it's time for bed.

00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:41,374

Mom, I just gotta do a couple more things.

00:00:41,408 --> 00:00:42,408

Now, Stanley.

00:00:42,442 --> 00:00:44,110

The internet will be waiting

for you in the morning.

00:00:44,144 --> 00:00:45,678

Off !

00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,146

Aw, man.

00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:51,784

Shelley, off the internet it's bedtime !

00:00:51,818 --> 00:00:55,154

Mom, I'm i-chatting with

my boyfriend in Montana !

00:00:55,188 --> 00:00:57,390

Now, Shelley !

00:00:57,424 --> 00:00:59,558

Why do you hate me ?!

00:01:00,927 --> 00:01:02,495

Randy, off the internet.

00:01:02,529 --> 00:01:03,396

No !

00:01:03,430 --> 00:01:05,097

No, come on !

Leave me alone !

00:01:05,132 --> 00:01:06,966

No, Mister, it's time for night-night.

00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,834

But, Sharon, I got stuff to do !

00:01:08,869 --> 00:01:10,002

I gotta see my credit rating

00:01:10,036 --> 00:01:11,437

and I gotta send an e-mail to Nelson

00:01:11,471 --> 00:01:13,506

and check out Foley's vacation photos.

00:01:13,540 --> 00:01:15,241

You don't have to do all that now.

00:01:15,275 --> 00:01:18,644

You can do one more thing

and then it's bedtime.

00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:22,348

One more thing.

00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:25,818

( woman )

Aie, akaita...

00:01:25,852 --> 00:01:28,220

( pants unzipping )

Ooh, yeah.

00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:33,292

( rooster crowing )

00:01:33,326 --> 00:01:35,628

( alarm buzzing )

00:01:41,501 --> 00:01:42,802

What the hell ?

00:01:42,836 --> 00:01:45,671

- Stan, Stan, I gotta use your computer.

- What ?

00:01:45,705 --> 00:01:47,606

My internet's not working,

I gotta use yours.

00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:49,575

And give Daddy some private time,

will ya ?

00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:53,345

- My internet's not working either.

- What ?!

00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:55,481

Dad, the internet's not working !

00:01:55,515 --> 00:01:56,916

I know that, okay ?!

00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:59,084

I have to get online with my darling Amir

00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,086

before school starts !

00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,689

Randy, I can't get my e-mail to open.

00:02:03,723 --> 00:02:05,591

Everyone, just-just calm down !

00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:07,393

Calm down, all right ?

00:02:07,427 --> 00:02:11,263

It's going to be okay, we just can't panic !

00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:12,331

( doorbell ringing )

00:02:12,365 --> 00:02:15,267

Gerald, please help us.

00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:16,902

Randy, what happened ?

00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:20,840

Our house...it has no internet.

00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:22,508

Oh, my God.

00:02:22,542 --> 00:02:24,210

We've got nothing.

00:02:24,244 --> 00:02:25,611

It's just gone.

00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:26,779

Come in.

00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:27,847

You can use our internet

00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:29,648

until you figure out what to do.

00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:31,250

Thank you, Gerald.

00:02:31,284 --> 00:02:32,685

I'm getting on it first.

00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:33,786

Oh, no, you're not !

00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:36,188

Kyle, I need to use your internet.

00:02:36,223 --> 00:02:37,456

It's not working.

00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:37,890

What ?!

00:02:37,924 --> 00:02:40,726

I've even unplugged it

and plugged it back in.

00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:42,962

No, no, our internet can't be broken.

00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,563

I've got to get an attachment

00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:46,265

Larry sent me last night.

00:02:46,299 --> 00:02:47,600

It's not working, Gerald.

00:02:47,634 --> 00:02:49,001

But it has to work--

maybe if i--

00:02:49,035 --> 00:02:51,470

Your internet's not working, Gerald,

face it !

00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,405

I have to get online before school.

00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,040

What about Starbucks?

They have free internet.

00:02:55,075 --> 00:02:56,542

Right, Starbucks!

00:02:56,576 --> 00:02:59,612

Everyone get your stuff,

we can take my car !

00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:02,848

Hey, is your guys' internet working ?

00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:04,316

No, nobody's is.

00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:06,719

What's happening ?!

00:03:06,753 --> 00:03:09,588

Jesus, everyone's gonna

go to Starbucks now.

00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:10,623

Everyone in the car.

00:03:10,657 --> 00:03:12,625

We have to beat them there.

00:03:12,659 --> 00:03:14,226

( all screaming )

00:03:15,595 --> 00:03:17,196

( glass shattering )

00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:19,064

God, the whole neighborhood's affected.

00:03:20,567 --> 00:03:22,001

Get out of the way, Peterson !

00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:24,403

( all yelling )

00:03:25,472 --> 00:03:27,206

Folks, there's no internet here !

00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:28,874

It's not working, I tell you.

00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:30,242

It's not working here ?

00:03:30,277 --> 00:03:31,377

Kids, get back in the car.

00:03:31,411 --> 00:03:32,678

We can go to the Mac store.

00:03:32,712 --> 00:03:34,547

No, don't, you're wasting your time.

00:03:34,581 --> 00:03:35,548

How do you know ?

00:03:35,582 --> 00:03:37,550

Because we just came from there.

00:03:37,584 --> 00:03:41,387

There was nothing--

not one scrap of internet.

00:03:41,421 --> 00:03:43,222

How can there be no internet anywhere ?

00:03:43,256 --> 00:03:44,390

What's going on ?

00:03:44,424 --> 00:03:45,491

Anybody got a Blackberry?

00:03:45,525 --> 00:03:46,825

Check Drudge Report.

00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:47,893

Good idea !

00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:49,495

No, wait, we can't check Drudge Report.

00:03:49,529 --> 00:03:51,063

There's no internet !

00:03:51,097 --> 00:03:53,198

There has to be a way to

find out what's going on.

00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,900

We can't--

don't you get it ?!

00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:56,335

There's no internet to find out

00:03:56,369 --> 00:03:57,403

why there's no internet !

00:03:57,437 --> 00:03:58,337

What did we used to do

00:03:58,371 --> 00:04:01,173

to get the news before the internet ?

00:04:01,207 --> 00:04:04,577

( gasping )

A television !

00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:10,249

Yargh !

00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:15,621

Once again, we apologize

00:04:15,655 --> 00:04:17,590

but we cannot bring you the news.

00:04:17,624 --> 00:04:22,328

It appears that we have no

internet here at news 4.

00:04:22,362 --> 00:04:24,196

We'll be happy to bring

you up on current events

00:04:24,230 --> 00:04:27,399

just as soon as our internet is back.

00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:29,134

Jesus, it's statewide.

00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:30,836

It could be nationwide.

00:04:30,870 --> 00:04:34,239

Hello, do you have internet ?

00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,909

It's channel 4 news.

00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:38,644

No, we don't have internet either.

00:04:41,348 --> 00:04:44,350

No internet anywhere.

00:04:44,384 --> 00:04:48,320

Jesus...we're all alone.

00:05:05,905 --> 00:05:10,442

( coughing )

00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:11,644

What's the matter ?

00:05:11,678 --> 00:05:13,112

I don't know.

00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,346

I need to get on WebMD and see

00:05:14,381 --> 00:05:16,448

why I have this cough but I can't !

00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:17,650

( coughing )

00:05:17,684 --> 00:05:20,386

What if my sweetheart is

online looking for me ?

00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:21,620

He could be wondering

00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:23,555

why I don't get online with him.

00:05:23,590 --> 00:05:25,858

Maybe he thinks I'm dead.

00:05:25,892 --> 00:05:28,394

If my darling Amir gets

another internet girlfriend

00:05:28,428 --> 00:05:29,995

I'm gonna kill him !

00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:30,896

And you !

00:05:30,930 --> 00:05:32,464

Ahgh, ahggh, aghgh !

00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:33,399

Shelley !

00:05:33,433 --> 00:05:34,867

Shelley, whoa, stop, stop !

00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:35,801

Dad, you gotta do something !

00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:37,569

She's outta control !

00:05:37,604 --> 00:05:38,537

You're right.

00:05:38,571 --> 00:05:41,140

We can't just sit here any longer.

00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:47,880

Randy, where will you go ?

00:05:47,914 --> 00:05:49,281

We're gonna head west.

00:05:49,315 --> 00:05:50,082

There's a rumor going around

00:05:50,116 --> 00:05:52,618

there might be some internet out there.

00:05:52,652 --> 00:05:54,687

So we're headin' out Californee way.

00:05:54,721 --> 00:05:56,789

You don't know

if there's any internet in California.

00:05:56,823 --> 00:05:58,524

Well, there certainly ain't none here !

00:05:58,558 --> 00:06:00,826

Look, maybe it's time you all face reality.

00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:02,561

The internet here is dryin' up.

00:06:02,595 --> 00:06:03,762

It could come back.

00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:05,864

Yeah, and maybe it won't.

00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:07,266

In the meantime, I got a family

00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,101

who needs internet right away.

00:06:09,135 --> 00:06:12,037

We'll head out Californee way and...

00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:13,572

see what we can find.

00:06:13,606 --> 00:06:15,708

Come on, let's go.

00:06:16,743 --> 00:06:19,545

Look, if you...If you do find internet,

00:06:19,579 --> 00:06:21,113

let us know, will ya ?

00:06:21,147 --> 00:06:22,314

How ?

00:06:22,348 --> 00:06:24,650

You won't have internet.

00:06:45,505 --> 00:06:47,172

Sorry, folks, we're full up.

00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:48,741

Know anywhere else we can stay ?

00:06:48,775 --> 00:06:50,509

We're headin' out Californee way.

00:06:50,543 --> 00:06:51,844

Lookin' for some internet.

00:06:51,878 --> 00:06:53,278

You and everyone else.

00:06:53,313 --> 00:06:55,047

You'll have to stay out at

the transient camp

00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:56,949

with all the others headin' to Californee.

00:06:56,983 --> 00:07:00,085

It's about a mile down the road.

00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,793

♪ I'm goin' down the road ♪

00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:09,595

♪ Feelin' bad ♪

00:07:10,530 --> 00:07:12,197

♪ I'm goin' down the road ♪

00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:14,133

♪ Feelin' bad ♪

00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:17,035

♪ I'm goin' down the road ♪

00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:20,038

♪ Feeling bad oh lordy ♪

00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:24,676

♪ My internet done up and went away ♪

00:07:26,412 --> 00:07:28,113

( crying )

00:07:29,549 --> 00:07:31,116

Where are you from old-timer ?

00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:32,618

Kansas City.

00:07:32,652 --> 00:07:34,386

Had me a store there,

00:07:34,420 --> 00:07:36,822

a kind of computer-supply store.

00:07:36,856 --> 00:07:39,892

When the internet went,

the stores went too.

00:07:39,926 --> 00:07:42,661

Things'll be different when

we get out to Californee.

00:07:42,695 --> 00:07:44,630

Soon as we get us some internet

00:07:44,664 --> 00:07:46,231

we can all rest easy.

00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:48,167

Why sure, Silicon Valley.

00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:50,736

They gots a whole mess

of internet up there.

00:07:50,770 --> 00:07:53,572

Say a man can practically

roll around in it.

00:07:53,606 --> 00:07:54,907

When I get to that internet,

00:07:54,941 --> 00:07:57,643

I'm gonna click on just

about everything in sight.

00:07:57,677 --> 00:07:59,678

Might even click on a pop-up ad

00:07:59,712 --> 00:08:01,113

just for the heck of it.

00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:03,115

I'm gonna sit down at that internet

00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:04,917

and just start e-mailin'.

00:08:04,951 --> 00:08:06,485

Just keep on e-mailin'

00:08:06,519 --> 00:08:08,821

'til my fingers are sore to the bone.

00:08:08,855 --> 00:08:12,157

Sure will be nice.

00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:14,726

You folks all headin' to Silicon Valley ?

00:08:14,761 --> 00:08:16,829

That's right, we need to get online.

00:08:16,863 --> 00:08:17,996

Ha-ha !

00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:19,731

"Get online," he says.

00:08:19,766 --> 00:08:21,166

What's so funny about that ?

00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:22,501

Think about it.

00:08:22,535 --> 00:08:24,803

How many folk headin' out

to Californee ?

00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,805

A million ? More ?

00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,274

And how much internet you

think they got out there ?

00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:32,244

Might be some internet, sure,

00:08:32,278 --> 00:08:34,646

but with everyone tryin' to use it at once,

00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:37,149

it's gonna go real slow-like.

00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:38,951

I knows because I seen it.

00:08:38,985 --> 00:08:40,686

My two children,

00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:42,487

they tried to load a webpage.

00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:45,157

Took them over three days.

00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:46,992

They sat there, waitin'.

00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:50,262

By the time the loading bar

was only half full,

00:08:50,296 --> 00:08:52,064

they was dead.

00:08:52,098 --> 00:08:54,199

Starved on the internet

00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:57,769

with their bellies stuck out

like a pig bladder.

00:08:57,804 --> 00:09:01,073

( crying )

00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:04,776

come on, Stan, let's get some rest.

00:09:06,579 --> 00:09:08,680

( crying )

00:09:09,749 --> 00:09:12,050

Amir...

00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:15,420

I miss you so much.

00:09:17,824 --> 00:09:19,892

Don't cry, Shelley.

00:09:19,926 --> 00:09:23,295

You'll be able to get online

when we get to Californee.

00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:25,530

Ugh !

00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:29,101

( weeping )

00:09:36,442 --> 00:09:38,744

Everyone, wake up, we're here !

00:09:38,778 --> 00:09:42,581

Silicon Valley, Californee !

00:09:52,892 --> 00:09:54,092

Name ?

00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:55,661

Do they have internet here ?

00:09:55,695 --> 00:09:56,929

Name ?

00:09:56,963 --> 00:09:57,596

Marsh.

00:09:57,630 --> 00:09:59,031

Service provider ?

00:09:59,065 --> 00:10:00,132

Netzero.

00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:01,099

All right, stay in line.

00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:02,601

Once you're inside, red cross volunteers

00:10:02,635 --> 00:10:04,603

will direct you to your campsite.

00:10:04,637 --> 00:10:06,605

So is there internet here ?

00:10:06,639 --> 00:10:09,908

( man )

Stay in line and get to your campsite.

00:10:19,485 --> 00:10:21,620

Excuse me, we're lookin'

for some internet.

00:10:21,654 --> 00:10:22,988

Yeah, they got it here.

00:10:23,022 --> 00:10:23,989

All right !

00:10:24,023 --> 00:10:25,891

But there ain't enough to go around.

00:10:25,925 --> 00:10:27,526

All they got is a little internet.

00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,895

Barely a bar a signal.

00:10:29,929 --> 00:10:32,564

So they have to ration it out carefully.

00:10:32,598 --> 00:10:34,099

You sign up over there

00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:36,201

and use your time

when they call your name.

00:10:36,235 --> 00:10:38,904

Each family gets 40 seconds

of internet per day.

00:10:38,938 --> 00:10:40,339

40 seconds ?!

00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:42,908

That ain't even long enough

to check Wikipedia!

00:10:42,942 --> 00:10:45,310

Well, it's all we got,

so we gotta make do.

00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:47,612

Look, honey, I ordered us

some books on Amazon.

00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,081

All right, time's up.

00:10:49,115 --> 00:10:50,282

No, no, wait !

00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:51,950

I haven't entered the shipping information !

00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:53,952

No, no !

00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:56,621

Next, Grady, John H.

00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:59,191

Aw, how am I suppose to see

internet porn that way ?

00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:01,159

What did you say ?

00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:02,894

Uh, you go ahead, Sharon.

00:11:02,929 --> 00:11:04,763

Divide some internet

amongst the children.

00:11:04,797 --> 00:11:07,232

I gotta go talk to somebody.

00:11:11,971 --> 00:11:13,505

( reporter )

And that's about all we know.

00:11:13,539 --> 00:11:16,441

There might be some internet

still in California

00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:18,310

and parts of Florida.

00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:20,946

Though, we certainly still

don't have any here.

00:11:22,482 --> 00:11:24,282

A fax-- a fax is coming through !

00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:25,484

Oh, yay, a fax !

00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:26,818

- A fax !

- It's a fax, it's a fax !

00:11:26,853 --> 00:11:28,620

We got a fax,

we got a fax !

00:11:28,654 --> 00:11:30,055

Uh-- oh !

00:11:30,089 --> 00:11:32,457

It says: "the government

has sent their best people

00:11:32,492 --> 00:11:37,029

to the internet in order to repair it."

00:11:37,063 --> 00:11:39,798

We gotta send a reporter

out to the internet !

00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,002

Where is the internet ?

00:11:54,313 --> 00:11:57,215

Gentlemen, the president is very angry

00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:59,551

that his internet still isn't working.

00:11:59,585 --> 00:12:00,919

We've tried everything, Sir.

00:12:00,953 --> 00:12:02,821

But the internet has slowed to a trickle

00:12:02,855 --> 00:12:04,790

and we can't get it working correctly.

00:12:04,824 --> 00:12:06,058

Take me down below.

00:12:06,092 --> 00:12:09,061

I want to see the internet for myself.

00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:14,933

Here it is, general...

00:12:14,967 --> 00:12:16,668

The internet.

00:12:23,643 --> 00:12:25,210

So what's wrong with it ?

00:12:25,244 --> 00:12:27,212

See that flashing

orange light in the middle ?

00:12:27,246 --> 00:12:33,285

It's supposed to be solid green.

00:12:33,319 --> 00:12:34,953

My God.

00:12:37,023 --> 00:12:38,657

Ha-ha-ha,

the dancingkitty.com.

00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:40,792

I wonder what that is ?

00:12:40,827 --> 00:12:45,397

"Click on the dancing kitty

and you could win a prize."

00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:46,531

All right, time's up.

00:12:46,566 --> 00:12:48,366

No, wait, I just clicked on the kitty.

00:12:48,401 --> 00:12:49,634

I got it !

00:12:49,669 --> 00:12:51,536

No, it wasn't long enough !

00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:52,571

No !

00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:55,073

Next, Nelson, Peter T.

00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,175

Excuse me, I need to, uh,

00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:59,177

have some private internet time.

00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:00,812

Look, we're just trying to get by here.

00:13:00,847 --> 00:13:03,348

Everyone's gotta take what they can get.

00:13:03,382 --> 00:13:08,487

I haven't jacked off in over two weeks.

00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:09,554

So jack off.

00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:10,689

You don't understand.

00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:12,891

I need the internet to jack off.

00:13:12,925 --> 00:13:15,961

I... got used to

being able to see anything

00:13:15,995 --> 00:13:17,529

at the click of a button, you know ?

00:13:17,563 --> 00:13:19,431

Once you jack off to Japanese girls

00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:20,699

puking in each other's mouths,

00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:22,901

you can't exactly go back to Playboy.

00:13:22,935 --> 00:13:24,136

What do you want us to do ?

00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:25,437

Pick up the whole computer

00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:27,305

and put it inside for

ten minutes just for you ?

00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:28,573

Three minutes would be plenty.

00:13:28,608 --> 00:13:30,408

Get lost !

00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:32,878

Oh !

00:13:34,013 --> 00:13:35,647

All right, each of you take a ticket.

00:13:35,681 --> 00:13:37,983

When they call your name,

you can use the internet.

00:13:38,017 --> 00:13:39,618

What number are you, turd ?

00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,253

851 .

00:13:41,287 --> 00:13:43,221

You're 923 now.

00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:44,656

Hey-- Mom ?!

00:13:44,690 --> 00:13:46,892

Shelley, give your brother his ticket back.

00:13:46,926 --> 00:13:48,860

Can't you all see I'm in pain ?

00:13:48,895 --> 00:13:51,229

Nobody understands pure love !

00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:52,430

Amir and I are closer

00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:56,401

than anybody in this stupid family !

00:13:56,435 --> 00:13:59,571

Ugh... aghghg...

00:13:59,605 --> 00:14:03,008

Psst--

Hey, over here.

00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:06,978

You... happen to be lookin'

for internet porn ?

00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:08,213

Yeah, how'd you know ?

00:14:08,247 --> 00:14:11,449

Lots of us fellas came

here for that reason.

00:14:11,484 --> 00:14:12,751

We all got used to seeing

00:14:12,785 --> 00:14:15,320

lots of really perverted

stuff on the internet

00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:17,322

so now we can't go back to Playboy.

00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:19,124

I know, right ?!

00:14:19,158 --> 00:14:21,560

Anyway, we got us a simulator.

00:14:21,594 --> 00:14:23,228

You just call out what you wanna see

00:14:23,262 --> 00:14:26,364

and then say "click."

00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:27,966

"Internet porn simulator."

00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:29,701

Give it a try.

00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:38,210

Uh, Japanese girls

exchanging bodily fluids.

00:14:38,244 --> 00:14:39,277

Click.

00:14:40,079 --> 00:14:41,513

( hurried scribbling )

00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:44,649

Oh, this sucks !

00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:47,385

I can't jack off to this !

00:14:49,255 --> 00:14:50,322

Damn it.

00:14:50,356 --> 00:14:51,489

( pants unzipping )

00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:53,758

Uh, let's see--

interracial gangbang.

00:14:53,793 --> 00:14:54,593

Click.

00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:55,961

( scribble-scribble )

00:14:57,663 --> 00:14:58,597

Argh.

00:14:58,631 --> 00:14:59,798

She-males,

let's try she-males.

00:14:59,832 --> 00:15:00,632

Click.

00:15:00,666 --> 00:15:03,235

( scribble-scribble )

00:15:03,269 --> 00:15:06,271

Bestiality-- click on that.

00:15:06,305 --> 00:15:07,138

Uh, uh...

00:15:07,173 --> 00:15:08,974

Brazilian fart fetish porn !

00:15:09,008 --> 00:15:12,143

Click, click.

00:15:12,178 --> 00:15:14,546

Uh, uh... nope...

00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:16,948

No, this isn't gonna work.

00:15:18,818 --> 00:15:20,919

It's just not the same.

00:15:20,953 --> 00:15:22,254

Well, sorry.

00:15:22,288 --> 00:15:25,123

That'll be $49 on your credit card.

00:15:25,157 --> 00:15:27,692

Well, at least that part's like the internet.

00:15:27,727 --> 00:15:30,262

( reporter )

We now have a reporter on the scene !

00:15:30,296 --> 00:15:31,830

Let's go live !

00:15:31,864 --> 00:15:33,898

Tom, I'm at the internet,

00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,067

where government

officials are doing their best

00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:38,136

to get it running again.

00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:42,907

All right, internet,

what do you want from us ?

00:15:47,146 --> 00:15:50,715

If we've angered

you somehow, let us know.

00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:53,952

Try to communicate

with it digitally again.

00:15:53,986 --> 00:15:57,889

( 3 "Close Encounters" notes )

00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:08,466

( again, but flat last note )

00:16:16,942 --> 00:16:18,076

I've had it with this thing.

00:16:18,110 --> 00:16:20,211

Fire a warning shot at it.

00:16:25,751 --> 00:16:29,921

Hey, wait a minute...

00:16:29,955 --> 00:16:31,890

Is it possible that...

00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:34,426

What is it, Kyle ?

00:16:34,460 --> 00:16:37,629

I think...

I know what's wrong.

00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:48,573

This is taking too long !

00:16:48,607 --> 00:16:51,109

When do I get to use the internet ?

00:16:51,143 --> 00:16:52,644

It's gotta be our turn soon.

00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:54,045

All right, folks, it's bedtime.

00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,147

No more internet for today.

00:16:56,182 --> 00:17:00,051

[all shouting]

00:17:00,086 --> 00:17:02,153

No, no, we're locking it away 'til tomorrow.

00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:03,855

Everyone get to bed.

00:17:03,889 --> 00:17:07,225

[all shouting]

00:17:08,127 --> 00:17:09,461

Ahghgh !

00:17:09,495 --> 00:17:11,029

Ahh !

00:17:19,572 --> 00:17:21,172

Hmm...

00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:34,419

Ha, finally...I'm online again !

00:17:34,453 --> 00:17:36,588

Yes !

00:17:36,622 --> 00:17:40,959

Japanese girls puke

in each other's mouths.

00:17:42,027 --> 00:17:44,162

[girl speaking Japanese]

00:17:44,196 --> 00:17:45,830

( girl vomiting )

00:17:45,865 --> 00:17:46,931

[girl speaking Japanese]

00:17:46,966 --> 00:17:50,135

Oh, nice... whoa.

00:17:50,169 --> 00:17:53,171

( vomiting )

00:17:53,205 --> 00:17:54,939

[girl speaking Japanese]

00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:59,010

Now let's see some...bestiality.

00:17:59,044 --> 00:18:01,112

[woman]: Oh, oh, oh...

[elephant trumpeting )

00:18:01,147 --> 00:18:05,850

Oh, yeah, oh, oh, oh...

00:18:05,885 --> 00:18:08,353

Ughgh, yes, ugh !

00:18:08,387 --> 00:18:12,590

Let's get some Brazilian

fart porn in there.

00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:13,925

( farting )

00:18:13,959 --> 00:18:15,727

( woman )

Oh...

00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:16,761

( farting )

00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:18,029

Oh, that's got it !

00:18:18,063 --> 00:18:19,564

Oh !

00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:21,199

Oahgghgh !

00:18:21,233 --> 00:18:23,001

Urhgghgh, urhgghghgh !

00:18:23,035 --> 00:18:24,068

What is that ?

00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:26,471

Sounds like someone's being

attacked by a tiger.

00:18:26,505 --> 00:18:28,840

Arhghghgh, ahrhgghgh !

00:18:28,874 --> 00:18:30,608

Get the keys !

We gotta get in there !

00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:33,611

Ahghggh, ahghgghhh...

00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:35,513

Ahhh...

00:18:36,749 --> 00:18:37,916

( all gasping )

00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:40,685

Ahhhhhh.

00:18:40,719 --> 00:18:42,220

What the...

00:18:42,254 --> 00:18:42,921

Dad ?

00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:43,922

Randy !

00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:47,992

Oh, uh... there was a--

there was a ghost !

00:18:48,027 --> 00:18:50,195

This is ectoplasm !

00:18:50,229 --> 00:18:51,563

Did you see the ghost ?

00:18:51,597 --> 00:18:53,465

It ran through here and slimed me !

00:18:53,499 --> 00:18:55,533

You son of a bitch !

00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:56,501

Huh, no, it wasn't me.

00:18:56,535 --> 00:18:58,136

It was a spooky ghost !

00:19:00,372 --> 00:19:02,273

This is our last chance.

00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:04,342

With nowhere else to turn,

the government is going to

00:19:04,376 --> 00:19:06,411

allow one brave nine-year-old boy

00:19:06,445 --> 00:19:10,515

to attempt his method to get

the internet running again.

00:19:10,549 --> 00:19:12,617

It all comes down to this.

00:19:12,651 --> 00:19:15,153

Can the little Jewish boy

reason with the internet

00:19:15,187 --> 00:19:17,922

or will it be gone forever ?

00:19:17,957 --> 00:19:20,024

All clear for procedure.

00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:23,094

All right, let's do it.

00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:47,252

Look, the flashing yellow

light is steady green now !

00:19:47,286 --> 00:19:48,586

He did it !

00:19:48,621 --> 00:19:50,455

- I've got internet !

- Me too !

00:19:50,489 --> 00:19:52,457

Internet activity in all sectors, Sir !

00:19:52,491 --> 00:19:57,495

[all cheering]

00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:58,930

I've got internet !

00:19:58,964 --> 00:19:59,764

Me too !

00:19:59,798 --> 00:20:01,232

It's back !

00:20:01,267 --> 00:20:03,201

[all cheering]

00:20:03,235 --> 00:20:05,136

It's back ?

It's back !

00:20:05,170 --> 00:20:06,538

( laughing )

00:20:06,572 --> 00:20:07,805

It's working !

00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:11,309

I can i-chat with my darling Amir now !

00:20:11,343 --> 00:20:15,213

Shelley...

Shelley Marsh ?

00:20:15,247 --> 00:20:15,880

What ?

00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:18,616

It's me, Amir.

00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:21,219

Oh... hey.

00:20:21,253 --> 00:20:25,156

Your family

came here too, huh ?

00:20:25,190 --> 00:20:26,457

Yeah.

00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:30,695

So, uh, I guess I'll e-mail you

00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:32,196

as soon as I get back home.

00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:33,865

Yeah, okay, sounds good.

00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:36,434

Okay, see ya.

00:20:36,468 --> 00:20:37,602

♪ We're back together ♪

00:20:37,636 --> 00:20:39,904

♪ We're back together ♪♪

00:20:45,844 --> 00:20:48,846

And so what have we learned

through this ordeal ?

00:20:48,881 --> 00:20:51,916

The internet went away, it came back.

00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:55,520

But for how long we do not know.

00:20:55,554 --> 00:20:58,990

We cannot take the internet for

granted any longer.

00:20:59,024 --> 00:21:02,660

We as a country must

stop over-logging on.

00:21:02,695 --> 00:21:06,230

We must use the internet

only when we need it.

00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:07,365

It's easy for us to think

00:21:07,399 --> 00:21:10,168

we can just use up all the internet we want,

00:21:10,202 --> 00:21:12,270

but if we don't treat the internet

00:21:12,304 --> 00:21:15,840

with the respect...

( microphone feeding back )

00:21:15,874 --> 00:21:18,209

... that it deserves,

00:21:18,243 --> 00:21:21,145

it could one day be gone forever.

00:21:21,180 --> 00:21:23,214

So let us learn to live with the internet,

00:21:23,248 --> 00:21:24,716

not for it.

00:21:24,750 --> 00:21:26,484

No more browsing for no apparent reason.

00:21:26,518 --> 00:21:28,319

No more mindlessly surfing

on our laptops

00:21:28,354 --> 00:21:30,355

while watching television.

00:21:30,389 --> 00:21:32,023

And finally,

00:21:32,057 --> 00:21:34,826

we must learn to only use

the internet for porn

00:21:34,860 --> 00:21:38,429

twice a day... max.

00:21:38,464 --> 00:21:40,798

( cheers & applause )