Конец соединения — Жители Южного Парка шокированы тем, что исчез доступ к Интернету. Рэнди Марш собирает вещи и отправляется на запад вместе с семьёй.

Предыдущая серия S12 E05 Фу, член!

Следующая серия S12 E07 Улётное время

Конец соединения

Over Logging

Сезон: 12Серия: 06

Описание

Жители Южного Парка шокированы тем, что исчез доступ к Интернету. Рэнди Марш собирает вещи и отправляется на запад вместе с семьёй.

Субтитры

00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:33,300 South Park S12E06 - Over logging (Переподключение) Перевод: Lex666
00:00:37,300 --> 00:00:39,500 Вылезай из интернета, Стенли, пора спать.
00:00:39,500 --> 00:00:41,600 Мам, мне еще пару дел сделать надо.
00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:44,500 Живо, Стенли! Интернет подождет до утра.
00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:45,500 Вырубай!
00:00:45,500 --> 00:00:46,900 Блин!
00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:52,400 Шелли, выключай, пора спать!
00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:55,600 Мааам, я переписываюсь со своим парнем из Монтаны.
00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:56,900 Живо, Шелли!
00:00:57,900 --> 00:00:59,500 За что ты меня так ненавидишь?!
00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:02,700 Ренди, выключай!
00:01:02,700 --> 00:01:05,100 НЕЕЕТ! Ну перестань, оставь меня в покое!
00:01:05,100 --> 00:01:07,400 Нет, мистер! Пора баиньки!
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,100 Но Шерон, у меня еще куча дел.
00:01:09,100 --> 00:01:14,200 Я должен проверить состояние своего счета, пообщаться с Нельсоном, посмотреть фотки "безумных каникул".
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:15,800 Совсем не обязательно делать все это сейчас.
00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:18,100 Еще что-нибудь ОДНО и в кроватку.
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:21,400 Еще одно?
00:01:41,700 --> 00:01:42,700 Какого хрена?
00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:45,500 Стен! Я должен воспользоваться твоим компьютером.
00:01:45,500 --> 00:01:46,000 Че?!
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:48,000 Мой и-нет не работает, я в твоем посижу.
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:49,900 Оставь папу в одиночестве, о'кей?
00:01:49,900 --> 00:01:51,500 Мой и-нет тоже не работает!
00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:53,000 Че?!
00:01:53,700 --> 00:01:55,500 Паап! Интернет не работает!
00:01:55,500 --> 00:01:57,100 Да я в курсе уже!
00:01:57,100 --> 00:02:00,800 Я должна пообщаться с моим возлюбленным Амиром перед школой!
00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:03,900 Ренди, у меня почта не открывается.
00:02:03,900 --> 00:02:05,800 Все успокойтесь!
00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:07,200 УСПОКОЙТЕСЬ, ладно?
00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:08,900 Все будет хорошо!
00:02:08,900 --> 00:02:10,700 НЕЛЬЗЯ ПАНИКОВАТЬ!
00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:15,600 Джеральд, пожалуйста, помоги!
00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:17,300 Ренди, что стряслось?
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:18,900 В нашем доме
00:02:18,900 --> 00:02:20,500 нет интернета!
00:02:21,500 --> 00:02:22,400 О, Господи!
00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:24,600 Мы все потеряли!
00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:25,800 Он просто исчез!
00:02:26,300 --> 00:02:29,900 Заходи. Можешь попользоваться нашим интернетом, пока не выяснишь, в чем дело.
00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:31,200 Спасибо, Джеральд.
00:02:31,500 --> 00:02:32,700 Я первый!
00:02:32,900 --> 00:02:33,900 Вот уж хрен!
00:02:35,300 --> 00:02:36,700 Кайл, дай в и-нете посидеть!
00:02:36,700 --> 00:02:37,600 Он не фурычит.
00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:38,100 Че?!
00:02:38,100 --> 00:02:39,900 Я все пытаюсь и пытаюсь законнектиться...
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,300 Нет, наш интернет не мог сломаться.
00:02:43,700 --> 00:02:46,200 Я его только прошлой ночью тестил!
00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:47,700 Он не работает, Джеральд.
00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:48,800 Но он обязан!
00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:49,300 Может, если я...
00:02:49,300 --> 00:02:51,900 ИНТЕРНЕТ НЕ РАБОТАЕТ, ДЖЕРАЛЬД, ПРИЗНАЙ ЭТО!!!
00:02:51,900 --> 00:02:53,700 Мне нужно законнектиться до школы.
00:02:53,700 --> 00:02:55,400 Пойдемте в Starbucks'е в и-нете посидим.
00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:56,600 Точно! Starbucks!
00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,600 Берите вещи! Поедем на моей машине.
00:03:00,900 --> 00:03:02,900 Эй, ребят, у вас интернет работает?
00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:04,600 Нет! Ничей не работает!
00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:07,100 ЧТО, МАТЬ ВАШУ, ПРОИСХОДИТ?!
00:03:07,100 --> 00:03:09,700 Господи, щас все в Starbucks попрутся!
00:03:09,700 --> 00:03:11,900 Все в машину, мы должны попасть туда раньше!
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:19,100 Боже, весь район пострадал!
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:22,500 Отвали, Питерсон!
00:03:25,500 --> 00:03:27,600 Граждане, здесь нет интернета
00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:29,100 говорю же, НЕ работает!
00:03:29,100 --> 00:03:30,600 И здесь не работает?!
00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:32,700 Дети, обратно в машину, едем в Maxtor.
00:03:32,700 --> 00:03:33,600 Не стоит
00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:34,700 вы зря потратите время.
00:03:34,700 --> 00:03:35,800 Тебе-то откуда знать?!
00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:37,400 Мы только что оттуда.
00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:38,800 Там не было ничего!
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:40,400 Никаких следов интернета!
00:03:41,700 --> 00:03:44,400 Нигде нет интернета? Что вообще происходит?!
00:03:44,500 --> 00:03:45,800 У кого-нибудь есть наладонник?
00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:46,800 Проверьте новости.
00:03:47,100 --> 00:03:48,000 Отличная идея!
00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:50,700 Стоп! Мы не можем проверить новости, интернета ж нет!
00:03:50,700 --> 00:03:53,200 Ну должен же быть какой-то способ выяснить, в чем дело.
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:54,200 Его нет!
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:55,200 Вы что, не понимаете?!
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:57,600 Как мы без интернета выясним что с интернетом?!
00:03:57,600 --> 00:04:00,300 А откуда мы получали новости до интернета?
00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:04,100 Телевидение!
00:04:14,300 --> 00:04:17,400 Мы снова извиняемся, но у нас нет для вас новостей.
00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:20,900 Оказалось, что у нас на 4-м канале нет интернета.
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:26,600 Мы с удовольствием сообщим вам о текущих событиях сразу, как только появится интернет.
00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:29,000 Боже, оно всех накрыло.
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,900 Возможно, всю страну.
00:04:30,900 --> 00:04:33,100 Алло! У вас есть интернет?
00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:35,700 Это новости 4-го канала.
00:04:37,100 --> 00:04:38,400 Нет, у нас тоже нет интернета.
00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:42,500 Нет интернета
00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:43,700 нигде.
00:04:45,100 --> 00:04:46,000 Господи
00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:47,600 мы одни...
00:04:57,700 --> 00:05:00,100 ПОНЕДЕЛЬНИК
00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:03,600 8 ДНЕЙ БЕЗ ИНТЕРНЕТА
00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:11,600 В чем дело?
00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:12,600 Не знаю...
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:14,400 Мне очень нужно в сеть
00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:15,400 видишь, что со мной из-за этого
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:16,200 но я НЕ МОГУ!
00:05:17,700 --> 00:05:20,300 А что, если мой любимый в сети и ищет меня?
00:05:20,300 --> 00:05:23,100 Он, наверное, в недоумении, почему я не с ним в он-лайне...
00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:25,200 Может, он думает, что я мертва!
00:05:26,100 --> 00:05:29,800 Если мой возлюбленный найдет другую и-нет-девушку, я его убью!
00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:30,800 ...И тебя!
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:34,800 Шелли, стой! Утихомирься!
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:36,700 Пап! Сделай что-нить, она в неадеквате!
00:05:37,700 --> 00:05:40,400 Ты прав, мы больше не можем просто здесь сидеть.
00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:47,200 Ренди, куда вы?
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:49,000 Мы отправимся на запад
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,500 ходят слухи, что там осталось немного интернета.
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:54,400 Мы отправимся в сторону Калифорнии.
00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:56,700 Вы ведь не знаете, есть ли в Калифорнии интернет.
00:05:56,700 --> 00:05:58,400 Ну здесь его точно нет.
00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:00,600 Может пора уже снять розовые очки?
00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:02,600 Интернет здесь скончался.
00:06:02,700 --> 00:06:03,900 Он может вернуться.
00:06:03,900 --> 00:06:05,500 Да, а может и не вернуться.
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:09,100 А в данный момент у меня семья, которой нужен интернет прямо сейчас.
00:06:09,100 --> 00:06:13,300 Мы отправимся в Калифорнию и посмотрим, что мы сможем найти.
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:15,300 Ну... вперед.
00:06:17,100 --> 00:06:18,300 Послушай..
00:06:18,300 --> 00:06:19,700 ...найдете интернет
00:06:19,700 --> 00:06:21,300 дайте нам знать, хорошо?
00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:22,300 Но как?
00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:23,800 У вас же не будет интернета.
00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,200 "До Калифорнии. Нужен интернет"
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:47,500 Извините, ребят, у нас все забито.
00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:49,200 А больше остановиться негде?
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:52,200 Мы едем в Калифорнию в поисках интернета.
00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:53,500 Вам и всем остальным
00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:57,000 придется сидет снаружи в лагере для тех, кто транзитом едет в Калифорнию.
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,100 Он милей дальше.
00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:04,200 "Кемпинг - $50"
00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:10,800 Я еду по дороге И мне хреново...
00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:15,000 Я еду по дороге И мне хреново...
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:20,000 Я еду по дороге И схожу с ума, о нет!
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:24,900 Мой интернет не открывается.
00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:31,100 Ты откуда, старик?
00:07:31,100 --> 00:07:32,300 Канзас-сити.
00:07:32,300 --> 00:07:34,100 У меня там был магазинчик...
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:36,400 Магазинчик комплектующих...
00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:39,900 Но интернет накрылся, и магазинчик вслед за ним.
00:07:39,900 --> 00:07:42,800 Все изменится, когда мы доберемся до Калифорнии.
00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:46,000 Вскоре, когда у нас будет интернет, все наладится.
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,100 Да, точно!
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:50,800 В Силиконовой Долине интернета на всех хватит.
00:07:51,100 --> 00:07:53,400 Говорят, Америка практически "вращается" вокруг нее.
00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:57,500 Когда я доберусь туда, буду кликать на все, что кликабельно!
00:07:57,500 --> 00:08:00,800 Может, даже кликну на рекламные ссылки, просто чтоб открыть.
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:04,600 А я просто засяду в интернете и стану спамить всех письмами!
00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:08,600 Просто буду спамить, пока мои пальцы не сотрутся до костей.
00:08:09,900 --> 00:08:11,400 Да, было бы здорово!
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:14,600 Ребят, вы все едите в Силиконовую Долину?
00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:16,900 Точно. Нам надо законнектиться.
00:08:17,900 --> 00:08:19,400 Законнектиться, говоришь?
00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,000 А че смешного?!
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,100 Ну подумайте
00:08:22,100 --> 00:08:24,500 сколько людей едут в Калифорнию?
00:08:24,500 --> 00:08:25,700 Миллион?
00:08:25,700 --> 00:08:26,600 Больше?
00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:29,100 А сколько, вы думаете, у них там интернета?
00:08:30,900 --> 00:08:32,700 Может, немного и есть
00:08:32,700 --> 00:08:34,800 но если все сразу подконнектятся
00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:37,100 будет ооочень медленно.
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:39,000 Я знаю, я видел подобное...
00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:42,600 Двое моих детей пытались загрузить страничку
00:08:43,300 --> 00:08:44,800 это заняло больше трех дней!
00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:47,200 Они сказали, что просто стонали от нетерпения...
00:08:47,700 --> 00:08:51,200 Когда шкала загрузки была только на половине, целые сутки миновали...
00:08:52,300 --> 00:08:53,700 Прошли в ожидании интернета
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:57,000 а потом загрузка остановилась.
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:04,100 Пойдем, Стен, отдохнем.
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,100 Амир
00:09:12,500 --> 00:09:14,700 я так по тебе скучаю!
00:09:18,500 --> 00:09:19,900 Не плачь, Шелли.
00:09:19,900 --> 00:09:22,400 Ты сможешь законнектиться, когда мы приедем в Калифорнию.
00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:37,500 Все, подъем!
00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:38,300 Мы приехали!
00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:41,800 Силиконовая Долина, Калифорния!
00:09:45,100 --> 00:09:47,100 "Лагерь интернет-беженцев"
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:53,800 Имя?
00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:55,400 У вас здесь есть интернет?
00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:56,200 ИМЯ?
00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:57,600 Марш.
00:09:57,600 --> 00:09:59,000 Провайдер?
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,000 Net-0.
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:04,400 Следуйте за очередью, когда окажетесь внутри, волонтеры Красного Креста покажут вам ваше место в лагере.
00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:06,300 Ну так интернет-то есть?
00:10:06,300 --> 00:10:08,900 Оставайтесь в очереди и получите место в лагере.
00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:21,600 Извините, мы ищем интернет.
00:10:21,900 --> 00:10:23,000 Да, он здесь есть...
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:23,800 Круто!
00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:25,900 Но на всех не хватает...
00:10:25,900 --> 00:10:28,000 Все, что есть - совсем немного интернета...
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,900 Только одна палочка сигнала.
00:10:30,300 --> 00:10:32,200 Поэтому приходится делить на всех по чуть-чуть.
00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:36,200 Отметьтесь вон там и сможете посерфить когда назовут ваше имя.
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:39,100 Каждой семье - по 40 секунд в день.
00:10:39,100 --> 00:10:40,300 40 секунд?!
00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:43,000 Да этого не хватит даже в Википедию глянуть.
00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:45,300 Но это все, что у нас есть, и мы должны выполнять свой долг.
00:10:45,300 --> 00:10:48,000 Смотри, милая, я заказал пару книг на Amazone.
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:49,300 Все, время вышло.
00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:52,100 Нет! Стойте, я должен отослать им адрес доставки...
00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:56,800 Следующий: Grady, John H.
00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:59,500 Ну и как я так посмотрю и-нет порно?!
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:01,400 Что ты сказал?
00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:03,300 Вперед, Шерон.
00:11:03,300 --> 00:11:06,400 Раздели и-нет время между детьми, а мне надо поговорить кое-с-кем.
00:11:12,100 --> 00:11:18,100 Все что мы знаем: то, что интернет еще может быть в Калифорнии и в части Флориды.
00:11:18,100 --> 00:11:20,700 Но у нас по-прежнему его нет.
00:11:22,700 --> 00:11:24,700 Факс! Факс пришел!
00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:25,600 Да! Факс!
00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:29,300 Факс-факс-факс-факс!
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:35,700 Тут говорится: правительство послало своих лучших людей к интернету чтобы починить его.
00:11:37,300 --> 00:11:39,200 Мы получили это сообщение из интернета!
00:11:42,300 --> 00:11:43,700 А где находится интернет?
00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:55,400 Господа!
00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:59,500 Президент взбешен тем, что интернет до сих пор не работает!
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:01,200 Мы все перепробовали, сэр!
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:04,700 Но интернет слишком медленный, мы не можем заставить его работать как надо.
00:12:04,700 --> 00:12:08,100 Проводите меня. Я хочу лично увидеть интернет.
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:14,800 Вот он, генерал.
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,200 Интернет!
00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:25,000 Ну и что с ним?
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:27,300 Видите мигающую лампочку посердине?
00:12:28,300 --> 00:12:30,200 Она должна быть постоянно зеленой.
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:34,400 Боже мой!
00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:39,300 "Танцующие кошечки точка ком"
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:40,600 Что бы это могло быть?
00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:44,700 Кликните на танцующую кошечку и выйграйте приз!
00:12:45,700 --> 00:12:46,800 Ну все, время вышло!
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,400 Ну я только на кошечку кликну!
00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:49,200 Вот оно!
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,600 Нет! Этого недостаточно!
00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:54,500 Следующий: Nelson Peter T.
00:12:55,300 --> 00:12:56,300 Прошу прощения!
00:12:56,300 --> 00:12:59,100 Мне нужно немного личного и-нет времени.
00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:01,000 Послущай, мы здесь стараемся пережить все это
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:02,700 все довольствуются тем, что есть.
00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:07,000 Я уже 2 недели не передергивал.
00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:09,600 Ну так передерните.
00:13:09,900 --> 00:13:13,000 Вы не понимаете, мне нужен интернет чтобы подрочить.
00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:17,500 Я, знаете ли привык видет все, что хочу по одному только клику...
00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:22,900 Если один раз вздрочнул на девочек-японок, блюющих друг другу в рот, ты уже просто не можешь вернуться к Плейбою.
00:13:22,900 --> 00:13:24,400 Ну и что вы от нас хотите?
00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:27,300 Взять компьютер и занести его внутрь на 10 минут только для вас?!
00:13:27,300 --> 00:13:28,800 Трех минут хватит вполне.
00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:29,800 Отвали!
00:13:34,100 --> 00:13:37,900 Ладно, возьмите свои билеты, а когда назовут ваши имена, сможете полазить в и-нете.
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:39,800 Какой у тебя номер, коротышка?
00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:40,900 851.
00:13:40,900 --> 00:13:43,100 Теперь у тебя 923.
00:13:44,100 --> 00:13:44,900 Мааам!
00:13:45,300 --> 00:13:47,100 Шелли, отдай билет обратно своему брату!
00:13:47,100 --> 00:13:49,100 Вы что все, не видите моих страданий?!
00:13:49,100 --> 00:13:51,300 Никто не понимает чистой любви.
00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:54,900 Амир и я ближе друг-другу чем кто-либо в этой тупой семье.
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:02,400 Сюда!
00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:07,100 Ты ведь искал интернет-порно?
00:14:07,100 --> 00:14:08,300 Да, откуда вы узнали?
00:14:08,300 --> 00:14:11,400 Многие из нас приехали сюда за этим.
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:17,700 Мы все привыкли смотреть самое извращенное порно через и-нет, и теперь просто не можем вернутся к Плейбою.
00:14:17,700 --> 00:14:18,900 Да, я знаю!
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,900 Но у нас есть симулятор!
00:14:21,900 --> 00:14:24,700 Ты просто озвучиваешь то, что хочешь увидеть, а потом говоришь "клик!"
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,300 "Симулятор интернет порно"
00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:29,300 Попробуй!
00:14:33,700 --> 00:14:34,900 "Все, что хочешь увидеть всего одним кликом!"
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,300 Девочки-японки, обменивающиеся желтыми струйками.
00:14:38,300 --> 00:14:39,400 Клик!
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:46,600 Блин, это - отстой. Я не могу дрочить на это!
00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:50,100 Черт!
00:14:51,700 --> 00:14:52,400 Так...
00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,300 Межрассовое кончание в рот.
00:14:54,300 --> 00:14:54,900 Клик!
00:14:58,700 --> 00:15:00,100 Трансы, давай попробуем трансов!
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:00,700 Клик!
00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:04,200 Зоофилия!
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:04,900 Кликаю на нее!
00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:09,300 Бразильское пердежное фетиш-порно!
00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:10,600 Клик! Клик!
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:16,300 Нет, это не сработает!
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:20,900 Это совсем не то...
00:15:20,900 --> 00:15:22,500 Ну извини...
00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:24,600 Это будет стоить тебе 49 долларов с кредитки.
00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:27,200 Хоть что-то такое же, как в интернете.
00:15:28,100 --> 00:15:30,200 У нас на связи наш репортер.
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:31,500 Прямое включение.
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:34,300 Том, я нахожусь рядом с интернетом.
00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:37,700 Где правительственные служащие делают все, что в их силах, чтобы заставить его снова работать.
00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:42,600 Ладно, интернет, что ты от нас хочешь?
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:50,100 Если мы прогневали тебя чем-нибудь, скажи нам!
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:52,700 Попробуйте еще раз связаться с ним по через цифровые каналы.
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:18,200 Меня достала эта штука!
00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:19,800 Стреляй предупредительный, солдат!
00:16:26,100 --> 00:16:27,700 Минуточку!
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:31,800 Возможно ли...
00:16:31,900 --> 00:16:34,000 В чем дело, Кайл?
00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:37,100 Мне кажется, я знаю в чем дело.
00:16:47,100 --> 00:16:48,600 Как долго!
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:51,000 Когда уже будет наша очередь пользоваться интернетом?!
00:16:51,500 --> 00:16:52,700 Скоро.
00:16:53,300 --> 00:16:55,800 Ладно, пора спать. Никакого больше интернета сегодня.
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:03,800 Нет, нет, мы запрем его до завтра. Всем спать!
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,400 Ну наконец-то!
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:34,500 Я снова он-лайн!
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:40,900 Девочки-японки, блюющие друг-другу в рот...
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:55,600 Таак... посмотрим...
00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:58,200 Зоофилия...
00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:09,300 Немного...
00:18:09,300 --> 00:18:12,300 бразильского пердежного порно...
00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:18,200 То, что надо!
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:24,200 Что это?
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:26,700 Как будто кого-то тигр рвет на части...
00:18:29,300 --> 00:18:30,600 Ключи! Мы должны попасть внутрь!
00:18:41,100 --> 00:18:41,900 Че за?!
00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:43,100 Пап?!
00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:44,100 Ренди!
00:18:45,900 --> 00:18:46,400 Тут был
00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:47,400 призрак!
00:18:48,500 --> 00:18:50,000 Это его эктоплазма!
00:18:50,700 --> 00:18:51,800 Видели призрака?!
00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:53,900 Он пролетел прямо через меня!
00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:55,500 Сукин сын!
00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:58,000 Это не я! Это все страшный призрак!
00:19:00,700 --> 00:19:02,500 Это наш последний шанс.
00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:03,900 В своей безысходности
00:19:03,900 --> 00:19:07,300 правительство позволит одному храброму 9-ти летнему мальчику
00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:10,200 испробовать свой метод заставить интернет снова работать.
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:12,600 И вот решающий момент.
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:15,400 Сможет ли маленький еврейский мальчик договориться с интернетом
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,300 или интернет канет в лету.
00:19:18,300 --> 00:19:19,600 Все готово...
00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:21,100 Хорошо.
00:19:21,100 --> 00:19:22,100 Сделай это!
00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:44,700 Смотрите!
00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:47,300 Мигающая желтая лампочка теперь постоянно-зеленая.
00:19:47,300 --> 00:19:48,300 Он сделал это!
00:19:48,300 --> 00:19:49,800 У меня интернет!
00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:50,600 И у меня!
00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:52,700 Наблюдается наличие интернета во всех секторах, сэр.
00:19:57,900 --> 00:19:59,000 У меня интернет!
00:19:59,000 --> 00:19:59,900 И у меня!
00:19:59,900 --> 00:20:01,200 Он вернулся!
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:04,600 Он вернулся?!
00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:05,300 Он вернулся!
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:08,000 Он работает!
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:11,100 Я снова могу чатиться со своим любимым Амиром!
00:20:11,900 --> 00:20:12,900 Шелли?
00:20:12,900 --> 00:20:13,800 Шелли Марш?
00:20:15,500 --> 00:20:16,200 Чего?
00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:17,900 Это ж я, Амир!
00:20:20,700 --> 00:20:21,500 Круто...
00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:23,400 Твоя семья тоже сюда приехала?
00:20:25,500 --> 00:20:26,100 Ну да...
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:32,400 Ну так... я тебе отпишусь, когда приеду домой...
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:34,000 Да, хорошо...
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,400 Ну ладно, увидимся...
00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:40,000 Мы снова вместе! Мы снова вместе!
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:48,700 Ну и что же мы поняли, пережив все это?
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:50,900 Интернет ушел
00:20:50,900 --> 00:20:52,100 но вернулся.
00:20:52,900 --> 00:20:54,900 Но мы не знаем, на сколько.
00:20:56,100 --> 00:20:58,900 Мы больше не можем держать интернет безгранично доступным.
00:20:58,900 --> 00:21:02,400 МЫ, всей страной, должны прекратить переподключаться снова и снова.
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,700 Мы должны использовать интернет только тогда, когда он нам действительно нужен.
00:21:06,700 --> 00:21:10,000 Нам удобно думать, что мы можем использовать весь интернет когда хотим...
00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:12,900 Но если мы не будем относится к интернету
00:21:12,900 --> 00:21:14,400 С УВАЖЕНИЕМ
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:17,700 которого он заслуживает
00:21:18,500 --> 00:21:20,300 когда-нибудь, он уйдет навсегда!
00:21:21,500 --> 00:21:24,800 Так что давайте учиться жить С интернетом, а не РАДИ него.
00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:26,900 Никаких больше бесцельных просмотров...
00:21:26,900 --> 00:21:30,000 Никаких больше бессмысленных серфов на ноуте во время просмотра телевизора...
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:32,000 И наконец...
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:36,400 Мы должны научится смотреть интернет порно дважды в день
00:21:37,500 --> 00:21:38,800 МАКСИМУМ!
00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:48,400 Субтитры: Lex666

00:00:08,442 --> 00:00:09,575 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
00:00:09,609 --> 00:00:11,544 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
00:00:11,578 --> 00:00:13,112 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:13,146 --> 00:00:14,880 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:14,915 --> 00:00:16,148 ♪ Going down to South Park ♪
00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:18,050 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:18,085 --> 00:00:19,852 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:19,886 --> 00:00:21,487 ♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪
00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:22,722 ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:24,824 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:28,060 ♪ ( mumbling ) ♪
00:00:28,095 --> 00:00:29,462 ♪ Come on down to South Park ♪
00:00:29,496 --> 00:00:31,897 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪♪
00:00:37,137 --> 00:00:39,538 Get off the internet, Stanley, it's time for bed.
00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:41,374 Mom, I just gotta do a couple more things.
00:00:41,408 --> 00:00:42,408 Now, Stanley.
00:00:42,442 --> 00:00:44,110 The internet will be waiting for you in the morning.
00:00:44,144 --> 00:00:45,678 Off !
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,146 Aw, man.
00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:51,784 Shelley, off the internet it's bedtime !
00:00:51,818 --> 00:00:55,154 Mom, I'm i-chatting with my boyfriend in Montana !
00:00:55,188 --> 00:00:57,390 Now, Shelley !
00:00:57,424 --> 00:00:59,558 Why do you hate me ?!
00:01:00,927 --> 00:01:02,495 Randy, off the internet.
00:01:02,529 --> 00:01:03,396 No !
00:01:03,430 --> 00:01:05,097 No, come on ! Leave me alone !
00:01:05,132 --> 00:01:06,966 No, Mister, it's time for night-night.
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,834 But, Sharon, I got stuff to do !
00:01:08,869 --> 00:01:10,002 I gotta see my credit rating
00:01:10,036 --> 00:01:11,437 and I gotta send an e-mail to Nelson
00:01:11,471 --> 00:01:13,506 and check out Foley's vacation photos.
00:01:13,540 --> 00:01:15,241 You don't have to do all that now.
00:01:15,275 --> 00:01:18,644 You can do one more thing and then it's bedtime.
00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:22,348 One more thing.
00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:25,818 ( woman ) Aie, akaita...
00:01:25,852 --> 00:01:28,220 ( pants unzipping ) Ooh, yeah.
00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:33,292 ( rooster crowing )
00:01:33,326 --> 00:01:35,628 ( alarm buzzing )
00:01:41,501 --> 00:01:42,802 What the hell ?
00:01:42,836 --> 00:01:45,671 - Stan, Stan, I gotta use your computer. - What ?
00:01:45,705 --> 00:01:47,606 My internet's not working, I gotta use yours.
00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:49,575 And give Daddy some private time, will ya ?
00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:53,345 - My internet's not working either. - What ?!
00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:55,481 Dad, the internet's not working !
00:01:55,515 --> 00:01:56,916 I know that, okay ?!
00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:59,084 I have to get online with my darling Amir
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,086 before school starts !
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,689 Randy, I can't get my e-mail to open.
00:02:03,723 --> 00:02:05,591 Everyone, just-just calm down !
00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:07,393 Calm down, all right ?
00:02:07,427 --> 00:02:11,263 It's going to be okay, we just can't panic !
00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:12,331 ( doorbell ringing )
00:02:12,365 --> 00:02:15,267 Gerald, please help us.
00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:16,902 Randy, what happened ?
00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:20,840 Our house...it has no internet.
00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:22,508 Oh, my God.
00:02:22,542 --> 00:02:24,210 We've got nothing.
00:02:24,244 --> 00:02:25,611 It's just gone.
00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:26,779 Come in.
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:27,847 You can use our internet
00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:29,648 until you figure out what to do.
00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:31,250 Thank you, Gerald.
00:02:31,284 --> 00:02:32,685 I'm getting on it first.
00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:33,786 Oh, no, you're not !
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:36,188 Kyle, I need to use your internet.
00:02:36,223 --> 00:02:37,456 It's not working.
00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:37,890 What ?!
00:02:37,924 --> 00:02:40,726 I've even unplugged it and plugged it back in.
00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:42,962 No, no, our internet can't be broken.
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,563 I've got to get an attachment
00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:46,265 Larry sent me last night.
00:02:46,299 --> 00:02:47,600 It's not working, Gerald.
00:02:47,634 --> 00:02:49,001 But it has to work-- maybe if i--
00:02:49,035 --> 00:02:51,470 Your internet's not working, Gerald, face it !
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,405 I have to get online before school.
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,040 What about Starbucks? They have free internet.
00:02:55,075 --> 00:02:56,542 Right, Starbucks!
00:02:56,576 --> 00:02:59,612 Everyone get your stuff, we can take my car !
00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:02,848 Hey, is your guys' internet working ?
00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:04,316 No, nobody's is.
00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:06,719 What's happening ?!
00:03:06,753 --> 00:03:09,588 Jesus, everyone's gonna go to Starbucks now.
00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:10,623 Everyone in the car.
00:03:10,657 --> 00:03:12,625 We have to beat them there.
00:03:12,659 --> 00:03:14,226 ( all screaming )
00:03:15,595 --> 00:03:17,196 ( glass shattering )
00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:19,064 God, the whole neighborhood's affected.
00:03:20,567 --> 00:03:22,001 Get out of the way, Peterson !
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:24,403 ( all yelling )
00:03:25,472 --> 00:03:27,206 Folks, there's no internet here !
00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:28,874 It's not working, I tell you.
00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:30,242 It's not working here ?
00:03:30,277 --> 00:03:31,377 Kids, get back in the car.
00:03:31,411 --> 00:03:32,678 We can go to the Mac store.
00:03:32,712 --> 00:03:34,547 No, don't, you're wasting your time.
00:03:34,581 --> 00:03:35,548 How do you know ?
00:03:35,582 --> 00:03:37,550 Because we just came from there.
00:03:37,584 --> 00:03:41,387 There was nothing-- not one scrap of internet.
00:03:41,421 --> 00:03:43,222 How can there be no internet anywhere ?
00:03:43,256 --> 00:03:44,390 What's going on ?
00:03:44,424 --> 00:03:45,491 Anybody got a Blackberry?
00:03:45,525 --> 00:03:46,825 Check Drudge Report.
00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:47,893 Good idea !
00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:49,495 No, wait, we can't check Drudge Report.
00:03:49,529 --> 00:03:51,063 There's no internet !
00:03:51,097 --> 00:03:53,198 There has to be a way to find out what's going on.
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,900 We can't-- don't you get it ?!
00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:56,335 There's no internet to find out
00:03:56,369 --> 00:03:57,403 why there's no internet !
00:03:57,437 --> 00:03:58,337 What did we used to do
00:03:58,371 --> 00:04:01,173 to get the news before the internet ?
00:04:01,207 --> 00:04:04,577 ( gasping ) A television !
00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:10,249 Yargh !
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:15,621 Once again, we apologize
00:04:15,655 --> 00:04:17,590 but we cannot bring you the news.
00:04:17,624 --> 00:04:22,328 It appears that we have no internet here at news 4.
00:04:22,362 --> 00:04:24,196 We'll be happy to bring you up on current events
00:04:24,230 --> 00:04:27,399 just as soon as our internet is back.
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:29,134 Jesus, it's statewide.
00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:30,836 It could be nationwide.
00:04:30,870 --> 00:04:34,239 Hello, do you have internet ?
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,909 It's channel 4 news.
00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:38,644 No, we don't have internet either.
00:04:41,348 --> 00:04:44,350 No internet anywhere.
00:04:44,384 --> 00:04:48,320 Jesus...we're all alone.
00:05:05,905 --> 00:05:10,442 ( coughing )
00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:11,644 What's the matter ?
00:05:11,678 --> 00:05:13,112 I don't know.
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,346 I need to get on WebMD and see
00:05:14,381 --> 00:05:16,448 why I have this cough but I can't !
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:17,650 ( coughing )
00:05:17,684 --> 00:05:20,386 What if my sweetheart is online looking for me ?
00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:21,620 He could be wondering
00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:23,555 why I don't get online with him.
00:05:23,590 --> 00:05:25,858 Maybe he thinks I'm dead.
00:05:25,892 --> 00:05:28,394 If my darling Amir gets another internet girlfriend
00:05:28,428 --> 00:05:29,995 I'm gonna kill him !
00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:30,896 And you !
00:05:30,930 --> 00:05:32,464 Ahgh, ahggh, aghgh !
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:33,399 Shelley !
00:05:33,433 --> 00:05:34,867 Shelley, whoa, stop, stop !
00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:35,801 Dad, you gotta do something !
00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:37,569 She's outta control !
00:05:37,604 --> 00:05:38,537 You're right.
00:05:38,571 --> 00:05:41,140 We can't just sit here any longer.
00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:47,880 Randy, where will you go ?
00:05:47,914 --> 00:05:49,281 We're gonna head west.
00:05:49,315 --> 00:05:50,082 There's a rumor going around
00:05:50,116 --> 00:05:52,618 there might be some internet out there.
00:05:52,652 --> 00:05:54,687 So we're headin' out Californee way.
00:05:54,721 --> 00:05:56,789 You don't know if there's any internet in California.
00:05:56,823 --> 00:05:58,524 Well, there certainly ain't none here !
00:05:58,558 --> 00:06:00,826 Look, maybe it's time you all face reality.
00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:02,561 The internet here is dryin' up.
00:06:02,595 --> 00:06:03,762 It could come back.
00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:05,864 Yeah, and maybe it won't.
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:07,266 In the meantime, I got a family
00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,101 who needs internet right away.
00:06:09,135 --> 00:06:12,037 We'll head out Californee way and...
00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:13,572 see what we can find.
00:06:13,606 --> 00:06:15,708 Come on, let's go.
00:06:16,743 --> 00:06:19,545 Look, if you...If you do find internet,
00:06:19,579 --> 00:06:21,113 let us know, will ya ?
00:06:21,147 --> 00:06:22,314 How ?
00:06:22,348 --> 00:06:24,650 You won't have internet.
00:06:45,505 --> 00:06:47,172 Sorry, folks, we're full up.
00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:48,741 Know anywhere else we can stay ?
00:06:48,775 --> 00:06:50,509 We're headin' out Californee way.
00:06:50,543 --> 00:06:51,844 Lookin' for some internet.
00:06:51,878 --> 00:06:53,278 You and everyone else.
00:06:53,313 --> 00:06:55,047 You'll have to stay out at the transient camp
00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:56,949 with all the others headin' to Californee.
00:06:56,983 --> 00:07:00,085 It's about a mile down the road.
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,793 ♪ I'm goin' down the road ♪
00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:09,595 ♪ Feelin' bad ♪
00:07:10,530 --> 00:07:12,197 ♪ I'm goin' down the road ♪
00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:14,133 ♪ Feelin' bad ♪
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:17,035 ♪ I'm goin' down the road ♪
00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:20,038 ♪ Feeling bad oh lordy ♪
00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:24,676 ♪ My internet done up and went away ♪
00:07:26,412 --> 00:07:28,113 ( crying )
00:07:29,549 --> 00:07:31,116 Where are you from old-timer ?
00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:32,618 Kansas City.
00:07:32,652 --> 00:07:34,386 Had me a store there,
00:07:34,420 --> 00:07:36,822 a kind of computer-supply store.
00:07:36,856 --> 00:07:39,892 When the internet went, the stores went too.
00:07:39,926 --> 00:07:42,661 Things'll be different when we get out to Californee.
00:07:42,695 --> 00:07:44,630 Soon as we get us some internet
00:07:44,664 --> 00:07:46,231 we can all rest easy.
00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:48,167 Why sure, Silicon Valley.
00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:50,736 They gots a whole mess of internet up there.
00:07:50,770 --> 00:07:53,572 Say a man can practically roll around in it.
00:07:53,606 --> 00:07:54,907 When I get to that internet,
00:07:54,941 --> 00:07:57,643 I'm gonna click on just about everything in sight.
00:07:57,677 --> 00:07:59,678 Might even click on a pop-up ad
00:07:59,712 --> 00:08:01,113 just for the heck of it.
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:03,115 I'm gonna sit down at that internet
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:04,917 and just start e-mailin'.
00:08:04,951 --> 00:08:06,485 Just keep on e-mailin'
00:08:06,519 --> 00:08:08,821 'til my fingers are sore to the bone.
00:08:08,855 --> 00:08:12,157 Sure will be nice.
00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:14,726 You folks all headin' to Silicon Valley ?
00:08:14,761 --> 00:08:16,829 That's right, we need to get online.
00:08:16,863 --> 00:08:17,996 Ha-ha !
00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:19,731 "Get online," he says.
00:08:19,766 --> 00:08:21,166 What's so funny about that ?
00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:22,501 Think about it.
00:08:22,535 --> 00:08:24,803 How many folk headin' out to Californee ?
00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,805 A million ? More ?
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,274 And how much internet you think they got out there ?
00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:32,244 Might be some internet, sure,
00:08:32,278 --> 00:08:34,646 but with everyone tryin' to use it at once,
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:37,149 it's gonna go real slow-like.
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:38,951 I knows because I seen it.
00:08:38,985 --> 00:08:40,686 My two children,
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:42,487 they tried to load a webpage.
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:45,157 Took them over three days.
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:46,992 They sat there, waitin'.
00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:50,262 By the time the loading bar was only half full,
00:08:50,296 --> 00:08:52,064 they was dead.
00:08:52,098 --> 00:08:54,199 Starved on the internet
00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:57,769 with their bellies stuck out like a pig bladder.
00:08:57,804 --> 00:09:01,073 ( crying )
00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:04,776 come on, Stan, let's get some rest.
00:09:06,579 --> 00:09:08,680 ( crying )
00:09:09,749 --> 00:09:12,050 Amir...
00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:15,420 I miss you so much.
00:09:17,824 --> 00:09:19,892 Don't cry, Shelley.
00:09:19,926 --> 00:09:23,295 You'll be able to get online when we get to Californee.
00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:25,530 Ugh !
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:29,101 ( weeping )
00:09:36,442 --> 00:09:38,744 Everyone, wake up, we're here !
00:09:38,778 --> 00:09:42,581 Silicon Valley, Californee !
00:09:52,892 --> 00:09:54,092 Name ?
00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:55,661 Do they have internet here ?
00:09:55,695 --> 00:09:56,929 Name ?
00:09:56,963 --> 00:09:57,596 Marsh.
00:09:57,630 --> 00:09:59,031 Service provider ?
00:09:59,065 --> 00:10:00,132 Netzero.
00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:01,099 All right, stay in line.
00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:02,601 Once you're inside, red cross volunteers
00:10:02,635 --> 00:10:04,603 will direct you to your campsite.
00:10:04,637 --> 00:10:06,605 So is there internet here ?
00:10:06,639 --> 00:10:09,908 ( man ) Stay in line and get to your campsite.
00:10:19,485 --> 00:10:21,620 Excuse me, we're lookin' for some internet.
00:10:21,654 --> 00:10:22,988 Yeah, they got it here.
00:10:23,022 --> 00:10:23,989 All right !
00:10:24,023 --> 00:10:25,891 But there ain't enough to go around.
00:10:25,925 --> 00:10:27,526 All they got is a little internet.
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,895 Barely a bar a signal.
00:10:29,929 --> 00:10:32,564 So they have to ration it out carefully.
00:10:32,598 --> 00:10:34,099 You sign up over there
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:36,201 and use your time when they call your name.
00:10:36,235 --> 00:10:38,904 Each family gets 40 seconds of internet per day.
00:10:38,938 --> 00:10:40,339 40 seconds ?!
00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:42,908 That ain't even long enough to check Wikipedia!
00:10:42,942 --> 00:10:45,310 Well, it's all we got, so we gotta make do.
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:47,612 Look, honey, I ordered us some books on Amazon.
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,081 All right, time's up.
00:10:49,115 --> 00:10:50,282 No, no, wait !
00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:51,950 I haven't entered the shipping information !
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:53,952 No, no !
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:56,621 Next, Grady, John H.
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:59,191 Aw, how am I suppose to see internet porn that way ?
00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:01,159 What did you say ?
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:02,894 Uh, you go ahead, Sharon.
00:11:02,929 --> 00:11:04,763 Divide some internet amongst the children.
00:11:04,797 --> 00:11:07,232 I gotta go talk to somebody.
00:11:11,971 --> 00:11:13,505 ( reporter ) And that's about all we know.
00:11:13,539 --> 00:11:16,441 There might be some internet still in California
00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:18,310 and parts of Florida.
00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:20,946 Though, we certainly still don't have any here.
00:11:22,482 --> 00:11:24,282 A fax-- a fax is coming through !
00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:25,484 Oh, yay, a fax !
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:26,818 - A fax ! - It's a fax, it's a fax !
00:11:26,853 --> 00:11:28,620 We got a fax, we got a fax !
00:11:28,654 --> 00:11:30,055 Uh-- oh !
00:11:30,089 --> 00:11:32,457 It says: "the government has sent their best people
00:11:32,492 --> 00:11:37,029 to the internet in order to repair it."
00:11:37,063 --> 00:11:39,798 We gotta send a reporter out to the internet !
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,002 Where is the internet ?
00:11:54,313 --> 00:11:57,215 Gentlemen, the president is very angry
00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:59,551 that his internet still isn't working.
00:11:59,585 --> 00:12:00,919 We've tried everything, Sir.
00:12:00,953 --> 00:12:02,821 But the internet has slowed to a trickle
00:12:02,855 --> 00:12:04,790 and we can't get it working correctly.
00:12:04,824 --> 00:12:06,058 Take me down below.
00:12:06,092 --> 00:12:09,061 I want to see the internet for myself.
00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:14,933 Here it is, general...
00:12:14,967 --> 00:12:16,668 The internet.
00:12:23,643 --> 00:12:25,210 So what's wrong with it ?
00:12:25,244 --> 00:12:27,212 See that flashing orange light in the middle ?
00:12:27,246 --> 00:12:33,285 It's supposed to be solid green.
00:12:33,319 --> 00:12:34,953 My God.
00:12:37,023 --> 00:12:38,657 Ha-ha-ha, the dancingkitty.com.
00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:40,792 I wonder what that is ?
00:12:40,827 --> 00:12:45,397 "Click on the dancing kitty and you could win a prize."
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:46,531 All right, time's up.
00:12:46,566 --> 00:12:48,366 No, wait, I just clicked on the kitty.
00:12:48,401 --> 00:12:49,634 I got it !
00:12:49,669 --> 00:12:51,536 No, it wasn't long enough !
00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:52,571 No !
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:55,073 Next, Nelson, Peter T.
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,175 Excuse me, I need to, uh,
00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:59,177 have some private internet time.
00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:00,812 Look, we're just trying to get by here.
00:13:00,847 --> 00:13:03,348 Everyone's gotta take what they can get.
00:13:03,382 --> 00:13:08,487 I haven't jacked off in over two weeks.
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:09,554 So jack off.
00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:10,689 You don't understand.
00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:12,891 I need the internet to jack off.
00:13:12,925 --> 00:13:15,961 I... got used to being able to see anything
00:13:15,995 --> 00:13:17,529 at the click of a button, you know ?
00:13:17,563 --> 00:13:19,431 Once you jack off to Japanese girls
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:20,699 puking in each other's mouths,
00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:22,901 you can't exactly go back to Playboy.
00:13:22,935 --> 00:13:24,136 What do you want us to do ?
00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:25,437 Pick up the whole computer
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:27,305 and put it inside for ten minutes just for you ?
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:28,573 Three minutes would be plenty.
00:13:28,608 --> 00:13:30,408 Get lost !
00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:32,878 Oh !
00:13:34,013 --> 00:13:35,647 All right, each of you take a ticket.
00:13:35,681 --> 00:13:37,983 When they call your name, you can use the internet.
00:13:38,017 --> 00:13:39,618 What number are you, turd ?
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,253 851 .
00:13:41,287 --> 00:13:43,221 You're 923 now.
00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:44,656 Hey-- Mom ?!
00:13:44,690 --> 00:13:46,892 Shelley, give your brother his ticket back.
00:13:46,926 --> 00:13:48,860 Can't you all see I'm in pain ?
00:13:48,895 --> 00:13:51,229 Nobody understands pure love !
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:52,430 Amir and I are closer
00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:56,401 than anybody in this stupid family !
00:13:56,435 --> 00:13:59,571 Ugh... aghghg...
00:13:59,605 --> 00:14:03,008 Psst-- Hey, over here.
00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:06,978 You... happen to be lookin' for internet porn ?
00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:08,213 Yeah, how'd you know ?
00:14:08,247 --> 00:14:11,449 Lots of us fellas came here for that reason.
00:14:11,484 --> 00:14:12,751 We all got used to seeing
00:14:12,785 --> 00:14:15,320 lots of really perverted stuff on the internet
00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:17,322 so now we can't go back to Playboy.
00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:19,124 I know, right ?!
00:14:19,158 --> 00:14:21,560 Anyway, we got us a simulator.
00:14:21,594 --> 00:14:23,228 You just call out what you wanna see
00:14:23,262 --> 00:14:26,364 and then say "click."
00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:27,966 "Internet porn simulator."
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:29,701 Give it a try.
00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:38,210 Uh, Japanese girls exchanging bodily fluids.
00:14:38,244 --> 00:14:39,277 Click.
00:14:40,079 --> 00:14:41,513 ( hurried scribbling )
00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:44,649 Oh, this sucks !
00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:47,385 I can't jack off to this !
00:14:49,255 --> 00:14:50,322 Damn it.
00:14:50,356 --> 00:14:51,489 ( pants unzipping )
00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:53,758 Uh, let's see-- interracial gangbang.
00:14:53,793 --> 00:14:54,593 Click.
00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:55,961 ( scribble-scribble )
00:14:57,663 --> 00:14:58,597 Argh.
00:14:58,631 --> 00:14:59,798 She-males, let's try she-males.
00:14:59,832 --> 00:15:00,632 Click.
00:15:00,666 --> 00:15:03,235 ( scribble-scribble )
00:15:03,269 --> 00:15:06,271 Bestiality-- click on that.
00:15:06,305 --> 00:15:07,138 Uh, uh...
00:15:07,173 --> 00:15:08,974 Brazilian fart fetish porn !
00:15:09,008 --> 00:15:12,143 Click, click.
00:15:12,178 --> 00:15:14,546 Uh, uh... nope...
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:16,948 No, this isn't gonna work.
00:15:18,818 --> 00:15:20,919 It's just not the same.
00:15:20,953 --> 00:15:22,254 Well, sorry.
00:15:22,288 --> 00:15:25,123 That'll be $49 on your credit card.
00:15:25,157 --> 00:15:27,692 Well, at least that part's like the internet.
00:15:27,727 --> 00:15:30,262 ( reporter ) We now have a reporter on the scene !
00:15:30,296 --> 00:15:31,830 Let's go live !
00:15:31,864 --> 00:15:33,898 Tom, I'm at the internet,
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,067 where government officials are doing their best
00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:38,136 to get it running again.
00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:42,907 All right, internet, what do you want from us ?
00:15:47,146 --> 00:15:50,715 If we've angered you somehow, let us know.
00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:53,952 Try to communicate with it digitally again.
00:15:53,986 --> 00:15:57,889 ( 3 "Close Encounters" notes )
00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:08,466 ( again, but flat last note )
00:16:16,942 --> 00:16:18,076 I've had it with this thing.
00:16:18,110 --> 00:16:20,211 Fire a warning shot at it.
00:16:25,751 --> 00:16:29,921 Hey, wait a minute...
00:16:29,955 --> 00:16:31,890 Is it possible that...
00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:34,426 What is it, Kyle ?
00:16:34,460 --> 00:16:37,629 I think... I know what's wrong.
00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:48,573 This is taking too long !
00:16:48,607 --> 00:16:51,109 When do I get to use the internet ?
00:16:51,143 --> 00:16:52,644 It's gotta be our turn soon.
00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:54,045 All right, folks, it's bedtime.
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,147 No more internet for today.
00:16:56,182 --> 00:17:00,051 [all shouting]
00:17:00,086 --> 00:17:02,153 No, no, we're locking it away 'til tomorrow.
00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:03,855 Everyone get to bed.
00:17:03,889 --> 00:17:07,225 [all shouting]
00:17:08,127 --> 00:17:09,461 Ahghgh !
00:17:09,495 --> 00:17:11,029 Ahh !
00:17:19,572 --> 00:17:21,172 Hmm...
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:34,419 Ha, finally...I'm online again !
00:17:34,453 --> 00:17:36,588 Yes !
00:17:36,622 --> 00:17:40,959 Japanese girls puke in each other's mouths.
00:17:42,027 --> 00:17:44,162 [girl speaking Japanese]
00:17:44,196 --> 00:17:45,830 ( girl vomiting )
00:17:45,865 --> 00:17:46,931 [girl speaking Japanese]
00:17:46,966 --> 00:17:50,135 Oh, nice... whoa.
00:17:50,169 --> 00:17:53,171 ( vomiting )
00:17:53,205 --> 00:17:54,939 [girl speaking Japanese]
00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:59,010 Now let's see some...bestiality.
00:17:59,044 --> 00:18:01,112 [woman]: Oh, oh, oh... [elephant trumpeting )
00:18:01,147 --> 00:18:05,850 Oh, yeah, oh, oh, oh...
00:18:05,885 --> 00:18:08,353 Ughgh, yes, ugh !
00:18:08,387 --> 00:18:12,590 Let's get some Brazilian fart porn in there.
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:13,925 ( farting )
00:18:13,959 --> 00:18:15,727 ( woman ) Oh...
00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:16,761 ( farting )
00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:18,029 Oh, that's got it !
00:18:18,063 --> 00:18:19,564 Oh !
00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:21,199 Oahgghgh !
00:18:21,233 --> 00:18:23,001 Urhgghgh, urhgghghgh !
00:18:23,035 --> 00:18:24,068 What is that ?
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:26,471 Sounds like someone's being attacked by a tiger.
00:18:26,505 --> 00:18:28,840 Arhghghgh, ahrhgghgh !
00:18:28,874 --> 00:18:30,608 Get the keys ! We gotta get in there !
00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:33,611 Ahghggh, ahghgghhh...
00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:35,513 Ahhh...
00:18:36,749 --> 00:18:37,916 ( all gasping )
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:40,685 Ahhhhhh.
00:18:40,719 --> 00:18:42,220 What the...
00:18:42,254 --> 00:18:42,921 Dad ?
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:43,922 Randy !
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:47,992 Oh, uh... there was a-- there was a ghost !
00:18:48,027 --> 00:18:50,195 This is ectoplasm !
00:18:50,229 --> 00:18:51,563 Did you see the ghost ?
00:18:51,597 --> 00:18:53,465 It ran through here and slimed me !
00:18:53,499 --> 00:18:55,533 You son of a bitch !
00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:56,501 Huh, no, it wasn't me.
00:18:56,535 --> 00:18:58,136 It was a spooky ghost !
00:19:00,372 --> 00:19:02,273 This is our last chance.
00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:04,342 With nowhere else to turn, the government is going to
00:19:04,376 --> 00:19:06,411 allow one brave nine-year-old boy
00:19:06,445 --> 00:19:10,515 to attempt his method to get the internet running again.
00:19:10,549 --> 00:19:12,617 It all comes down to this.
00:19:12,651 --> 00:19:15,153 Can the little Jewish boy reason with the internet
00:19:15,187 --> 00:19:17,922 or will it be gone forever ?
00:19:17,957 --> 00:19:20,024 All clear for procedure.
00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:23,094 All right, let's do it.
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:47,252 Look, the flashing yellow light is steady green now !
00:19:47,286 --> 00:19:48,586 He did it !
00:19:48,621 --> 00:19:50,455 - I've got internet ! - Me too !
00:19:50,489 --> 00:19:52,457 Internet activity in all sectors, Sir !
00:19:52,491 --> 00:19:57,495 [all cheering]
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:58,930 I've got internet !
00:19:58,964 --> 00:19:59,764 Me too !
00:19:59,798 --> 00:20:01,232 It's back !
00:20:01,267 --> 00:20:03,201 [all cheering]
00:20:03,235 --> 00:20:05,136 It's back ? It's back !
00:20:05,170 --> 00:20:06,538 ( laughing )
00:20:06,572 --> 00:20:07,805 It's working !
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:11,309 I can i-chat with my darling Amir now !
00:20:11,343 --> 00:20:15,213 Shelley... Shelley Marsh ?
00:20:15,247 --> 00:20:15,880 What ?
00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:18,616 It's me, Amir.
00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:21,219 Oh... hey.
00:20:21,253 --> 00:20:25,156 Your family came here too, huh ?
00:20:25,190 --> 00:20:26,457 Yeah.
00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:30,695 So, uh, I guess I'll e-mail you
00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:32,196 as soon as I get back home.
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:33,865 Yeah, okay, sounds good.
00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:36,434 Okay, see ya.
00:20:36,468 --> 00:20:37,602 ♪ We're back together ♪
00:20:37,636 --> 00:20:39,904 ♪ We're back together ♪♪
00:20:45,844 --> 00:20:48,846 And so what have we learned through this ordeal ?
00:20:48,881 --> 00:20:51,916 The internet went away, it came back.
00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:55,520 But for how long we do not know.
00:20:55,554 --> 00:20:58,990 We cannot take the internet for granted any longer.
00:20:59,024 --> 00:21:02,660 We as a country must stop over-logging on.
00:21:02,695 --> 00:21:06,230 We must use the internet only when we need it.
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:07,365 It's easy for us to think
00:21:07,399 --> 00:21:10,168 we can just use up all the internet we want,
00:21:10,202 --> 00:21:12,270 but if we don't treat the internet
00:21:12,304 --> 00:21:15,840 with the respect... ( microphone feeding back )
00:21:15,874 --> 00:21:18,209 ... that it deserves,
00:21:18,243 --> 00:21:21,145 it could one day be gone forever.
00:21:21,180 --> 00:21:23,214 So let us learn to live with the internet,
00:21:23,248 --> 00:21:24,716 not for it.
00:21:24,750 --> 00:21:26,484 No more browsing for no apparent reason.
00:21:26,518 --> 00:21:28,319 No more mindlessly surfing on our laptops
00:21:28,354 --> 00:21:30,355 while watching television.
00:21:30,389 --> 00:21:32,023 And finally,
00:21:32,057 --> 00:21:34,826 we must learn to only use the internet for porn
00:21:34,860 --> 00:21:38,429 twice a day... max.
00:21:38,464 --> 00:21:40,798 ( cheers & applause )

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