Проблема с гландами

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перевод: shoke (shoke@sibmail.com)

тайминг: shoke

небольшие исправления: Saddam

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- Здесь всё предельно понятно.

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- Гланды нужно удалять.

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- Что?..

- В каком смысле доктор?

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- Это очень простая операция.

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- Ты просто уснешь, Эрик, а когда проснешься - гланд уже не будет!

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- Не, не пойдет!

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- Я не пойду в больницу, мам!

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- О... А я думал ты не из трусливых...

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- Ты ведь не боишься больниц, не так ли?

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- Нет, не боюсь...

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- Я просто...

- Я просто не хочу, чтобы мне удаляли гланды, вот и всё...

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- Ну, тогда я думаю, ты так же не хочешь мороженого после операции...

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- Мороженое?

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- К сожалению, придется отдать всё бесплатное мороженое детям постарше,

которые не боятся больничек...

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- Ну что скажешь, герой?

- Ты трусишка или нет?

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- Нууу...

Вы сказали - бесплатное мороженое?

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Больница "Путёвка в ад".

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- Пупсичек,

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- Проснииись. Проснись дорогой.

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- Вс... Всё закончилось?..

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- Конечно! Ты сделал это, пупсичек!

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- Всё кончилось! Я ничего не почувствовал!

Ты была права, мам!

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- Я так тобой горжусь, Эрик!

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- Ага, так, где моё мороженое?

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- О! А вот и доктор!

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- Здравствуйте доктор.

- Вы были правы доктор, теперь все нормально!

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- Нет. Это не так.

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- Эрик, похоже, мы случайно заразили тебя вирусом СПИДа.

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- ЧТО?!

- Вы о чём?!

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- Во время операции на гландах, нам нужно было поддерживать тебя, переливая тебе донорскую кровь,

но по нелепой случайности тебе дали кровь, зараженную ВИЧ.

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- Такое случается один раз на миллиард.

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- У МЕНЯ СПИД?!

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- Еще нет, но у тебя совершенно точно есть вирус, вызывающий СПИД.

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- Мы очень сожалеем.

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- Сожалеете?!

- Вы заразили меня СПИДом и сожалеете?!

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- О моё маленькое бедное дитя!

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- Мама, ты сказала, что ничего не случится!

- О Боже! О нет!

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- Нет! Это ведь шутка, так?!

Это шутка! У меня не может быть СПИДа!

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- Мы сделаем всё, что в наших силах, что бы помочь тебе Эрик.

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- И для начала...

По-моему я должен тебе мороженое.

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- НА Х*Й ТВОЁ МОРОЖЕНОЕ!

Ты сказал, что все будет нормально!

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- Вы все говорили, что всё будет нормально!

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- О! О! О! У моего ребенка ВИЧ!

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- Нет!

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- НЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕТ!!!

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- Спасибо всем что пришли.

Мальчики, пожалуйста, садитесь.

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- Что происходит?

- Мы провинились?

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- Мальчики...

- Причина по которой мы собрали вас здесь, состоит в том, что у одного из ваших друзей есть серьезное заболевание.

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- Эрик Картман был диагностирован как ВИЧ- положительный.

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- Что?

- О нет...

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- Он под наблюдением с момента неудачного переливания крови,

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- Заболевание находится на самом начальном этапе,

и оно под абсолютным контролем.

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- Но он, по естественным причинам, слегка напуган...

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- У Картмана ВИЧ?

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- Мы хотим, что бы все поняли,

что от Эрика невозможно заразиться.

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- Вы все еще можете его обнимать, даже целовать.

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- Не бойтесь его, просто...

- Простите.

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- Эрик Картман заражен ВИЧ?

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- Хорошо, сейчас мы приведем Эрика, и мы все вместе поддержим его, как мы все умеем, и покажем ему всю нашу любовь. Договорились?

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- Эрик?

- Заходи, твои друзья хотят сказать тебе привет, п'нятно...

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- Привет, Эрик.

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- Не... может... быть...

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- Как ты сам, Эрик?

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- Знаешь... Я думаю, ты очень особенный молодой человек.

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- И даже то, что у тебя СПИД,

это никак не повлияет на мое отношение к тебе.

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- Чёрт подери, это ж звездец!!!

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- Простите... мне нужно выйти на минутку...

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- Бедный Кайл. Он действительно принял это близко к сердцу.

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- Там Кайл ржет?

Сейчас не время для шуток юмора, я умру!

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- Нет, ты не умрешь, Эрик.

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- СПИД - не такое уж и серьезное заболевание, как думали раньше,

медицина далеко продвинулась...

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- Не такое уж и серьезное?

Что, так все считают?!

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- Люди должны понять всю серьезность этого заболевания!

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- И всю смелость людей, которые противостоят ему!

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Благотворительный вечер в пользу борьбы со СПИДом для Эрика Картмана

(Будет Элтон Джон)

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- Мы все собрались здесь сегодня, что бы поддержать одного очень необычного молодого человека, который живет с ВИЧ.

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- Где, чёрт подери, все остальные?

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- Простите, а разве мы не должны дождаться всех, перед тем как начать?

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- Все здесь.

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- Отличный вечер Эрик!

- Ит- Итальянские фрикадельки просто ф- ф- фантастика!

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- Так вот оно?..

- Боюсь, что СПИДозные вечера не так популярны, как раньше.

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- СПИД был популярен в 80-90годы,

Сейчас все тащатся от рака.

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- Это просто отлично!

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- За все время, что я мог получить СПИД,

я заразился тогда, когда всем уже стало похеру.

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- С вашей помощью сегодня мы собрали более 17 долларов.

И эти деньги, конечно же, пойдут на помощь маленькому Эрику Маркману.

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- Да давай уже Элтона Джона, господи...

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- Мы сожалеем, но Элтон не смог приехать.

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- Он играет на вечере, посвященному раку.

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- Все в порядке, у нас есть кое-кто получше.

Джимми Баффет!

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- Джимми Баффет?..

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- Всем привет!!!!

Я написал эту песню для одного очень смелого маленького мальчика.

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Спидозные бургеры в раю.

Спидозные бургеры хавай ночью.

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- Никто не любит Джимми Баффета, кроме жиробасов и алкоголичек с юга!

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Маленький мальчик из Саут-Парка

подхватил СПИД в холодной тьме.

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Откуда у него СПИД, знают только небеса.

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Жизнь в пустую, потому что СПИД и все такое...

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Как настроение, народ?!

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- Иди ты на х*й, Джимми Баффет!

- Ты бездарная х*йня!

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- О, пупсичек, веди себя хорошо!

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- Иди на х*й, мам!

У МЕНЯ БЛ*ТЬ СПИД!

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- Привет, пацаны. Спасибо большое, что вчера пришли на мой вечер, посвященный СПИДу.

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- А, чувак... это было вчера?

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- Мы забыли...

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- Да, вы забыли! Так же, как и все остальные забыли, что СПИД всё еще убивает людей!

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- Похоже, что вся Америка забыла: ВИЧ - это серьезное заболевание!

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- Эээ...

Ну, Элтон Джон спел для тебя?

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- Нет, кроме того, Джимми Баффет пришел вместо него...

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- О да! Этож п*здец как смешно, да Кайл!

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- Прости...

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- Картман, я очень переживаю за тебя. Честно.

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- Нет, не переживаешь!

- Переживаю.

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- Если ты правда переживаешь,

что это тут за смех*ечки на лице?!

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- Ты уже достал меня на хер!

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- Прости мне надо домой!

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- Господи Иисусе, что за гандон!

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- Он правда переживает насчет тебя, Картман,

просто он думает что это... иронично...

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- В смысле - иронично?

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- Ну, ты в курсе, иногда ты ведешь себя как натуральный хер и ...

- Что? Что, я заслужил это?!

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- Ты так думаешь?

- Не я! Это типа он так думает.

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- Никто не заслуживает этой болезни,

Стэн... Кенни... Никто!

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- Это ужасно.

И, возможно, кому- то стоит научить Кайла, что такое сострадание!

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- Окей... все чисто...

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- Хорошо, готовь веревку, поднимешь меня.

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- Ладно, но... что ты собираешься делать?..

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- Кайл думает, что ВИЧ - это смешно.

Поэтому мы как следует его рассмешим.

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- И тогда он почувствует, что это такое, когда над тобой смеются.

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- Я просто... Не понимаю, почему я должен помогать тебе заразить Кайла...

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- Баттерс, помогать больным СПИДом -

это одна из важнейших вещей, которые ты можешь сделать.

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- Я в курсе, но ты точно уверен, что Кайлу следует преподать урок?..

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Я не просто уверен, я ВИЧ - положительный...

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- А, ага... наверное, ты прав...

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- Короче, перекинь веревку через третью балку над окном, это самый простой путь.

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- Ого, ты и впрямь знаешь, что делаешь.

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- Ага, я проникал в комнату Кайла сотни раз.

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- Ты думаешь, ВИЧ - это то, над чем можно поржать, Кайл?..

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- Ну... давай-ка посмотрим, насколько ЭТО будет смешно, мудак...

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- Ну-ну, бубочка, все будет нормально.

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- О, доктор, вы что-нибудь обнаружили? Это стрептококк?

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- Нет, это не стрептококк.

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- Вот это облегчение.

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- Миссис Брофловски, вашему сыну хоть раз делали переливание крови?

00:09:44,791 --> 00:09:46,584

- Нет. А что?

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- Дитя... ты когда-нибудь занимался незащищенным анальным сексом?..

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- Что?! Нет!

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- Доктор, к чему вы клоните?!.

00:09:53,708 --> 00:09:56,064

- Мы провели все возможные тесты...

00:09:55,764 --> 00:09:59,553

- Маленький Кайл заражен ВИЧ...

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- Что?!

- ВИЧ?!

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- Диагностика потребовала времени, но сомнений нет.

00:10:05,177 --> 00:10:06,554

- Нет, это невозможно!

00:10:06,721 --> 00:10:10,266

- Молодой человек, вы точно уверены, что разок- другой не играли в петушков?

00:10:10,433 --> 00:10:12,310

- Нет!

- Чёрт возьми, нет!

00:10:12,376 --> 00:10:14,996

- Я говорю вам, вы ошиблись, у меня не было никаких шансов подхватить ВИЧ,

00:10:15,062 --> 00:10:16,914

- Если только не...

00:10:16,981 --> 00:10:18,065

- О, Боже мой...

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- Этот сукин сын!

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- Кайл?

- КАЙЛ?!

00:10:25,031 --> 00:10:26,866

- Пасуй мне.

00:10:27,033 --> 00:10:30,286

- Пасуй мне мяч, Крэйг, тупое животное!

00:10:32,747 --> 00:10:33,706

- Кайл? Какого чёрта?

00:10:33,873 --> 00:10:35,166

- Я убью тебя, Картман!

00:10:35,333 --> 00:10:36,417

- Кайл, что?!.

00:10:36,584 --> 00:10:40,504

- Что он сделал?

- Почему это у меня ВИЧ?..

00:10:41,764 --> 00:10:45,167

- У тебя ВИЧ, да, Кайл?..

- Теперь, наверное, это не так смешно, ага?

00:10:45,234 --> 00:10:47,028

- Что ты сделал?!

- Ничего!

00:10:47,094 --> 00:10:50,323

- А почему тогда Баттерс говорит, что помог тебе проникнуть ко мне в комнату вчера ночью?!

00:10:50,389 --> 00:10:52,016

- Ништяк, Баттерс...

Дырявый рот!

00:10:52,183 --> 00:10:53,267

- Дырявый рот?!

00:10:53,434 --> 00:10:55,102

- Ты хоть знаешь насколько это всё серьезно?!

00:10:55,269 --> 00:10:58,356

- Может, Кайл, я просто пытался пока...

00:11:03,152 --> 00:11:05,112

- Эй! Ну, все! Хватит!

00:11:05,279 --> 00:11:08,199

- Разошлись, п'нятно! Расцепились!

00:11:13,829 --> 00:11:17,124

- Итак, мальчики, и по какому поводу драка?

00:11:17,291 --> 00:11:19,585

- Он заразил меня СПИДом.

00:11:19,752 --> 00:11:20,419

- Что?..

00:11:20,586 --> 00:11:23,189

- Он, специально, заразил меня своим вирусом ВИЧ.

00:11:23,256 --> 00:11:25,766

- Это правда, Эрик? Ты заразил Кайла СПИДом?

00:11:25,833 --> 00:11:29,628

- Ну, он вел себя как полный хер,

постоянно болтал всем про меня всякое непотребное...

00:11:29,695 --> 00:11:34,140

- Ты заразил Кайла вирусом СПИДа, да или нет?!

00:11:35,334 --> 00:11:36,936

- Типа того...

00:11:37,103 --> 00:11:39,605

- Эрик, это недопустимое поведение, п'нятно?

00:11:39,772 --> 00:11:42,692

- Ты не можешь специально заражать других детей.

00:11:42,858 --> 00:11:46,696

- Так точно. И мне кажется, ты должен извиниться перед Кайлом.

00:11:46,863 --> 00:11:48,865

- Прости.

- Извиниться?!

00:11:49,031 --> 00:11:50,992

- Ты извиняешься за что Эрик?

00:11:51,158 --> 00:11:53,452

- Я извиняюсь за то, что заразил тебя СПИДом, Кайл.

00:11:53,619 --> 00:11:56,847

- Так-то лучше.

А теперь, Кайл, я думаю, ты тоже должен отметить,

00:11:56,914 --> 00:12:00,084

- Что тоже был не прав, в плане болтовни.

00:12:00,251 --> 00:12:00,793

- ЧТО?!

00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:03,880

- Кайл, проще говоря... болтать - это плохо...

00:12:04,046 --> 00:12:06,382

- П'нятно, потому что никто не любит болтунов.

00:12:06,549 --> 00:12:09,302

- Болтун

- Он заразил меня СПИДом!

00:12:09,468 --> 00:12:13,764

- Видите, он опять на меня наговаривает.

Он ничему не учится.

00:12:15,750 --> 00:12:19,896

- Что ж, Кайл, похоже, мы квиты. Признай это.

00:12:20,229 --> 00:12:22,940

- Кайл, ну хорош уже.

00:12:23,691 --> 00:12:26,527

- Кайл, куда ты собрался?

00:12:27,278 --> 00:12:31,657

- Я уничтожу всё, что у тебя есть.

00:12:32,491 --> 00:12:35,703

- Это, в каком смысле?.. Кайл?..

00:12:35,887 --> 00:12:37,398

- Я извинился, Кайл!

00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:43,920

- Кайл, да подожди же ты, мудила!

00:12:50,259 --> 00:12:52,053

- Ты че творишь, мать твою?!

00:12:52,220 --> 00:12:54,430

- Кайл, стой!

00:12:54,597 --> 00:12:57,308

- Черт возьми, нет!

00:12:58,726 --> 00:13:00,136

- Нет, Кайл, только не лягушонка Клайда!

00:13:00,202 --> 00:13:01,854

- Оставь лягушонка Клайда в покое!

00:13:02,021 --> 00:13:03,606

- Нет!!

00:13:03,773 --> 00:13:05,441

- Лягушонок Клайд!

00:13:05,508 --> 00:13:08,753

- Клайд... Нет!.. Нет!

Только не Xbox, Кайл!

00:13:08,819 --> 00:13:10,446

- Погод..погоди секунду!!!

00:13:10,613 --> 00:13:12,782

- Прости, что заразил тебя ВИЧ, хорошо?!

00:13:12,949 --> 00:13:15,201

- Дай мне шанс, и я вылечу тебя.

00:13:15,368 --> 00:13:17,146

- От этого нет лекарства, мудила!

00:13:17,146 --> 00:13:19,497

- Нет, нет, послушай, Кайл! Я кое- что нашел...

00:13:19,664 --> 00:13:20,690

- Есть реальная зацепка...

00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:22,158

- Какая еще зацепка?

00:13:22,333 --> 00:13:24,518

- Разбей мой Xbox, и никогда не узнаешь...

00:13:24,585 --> 00:13:25,754

- Ты врешь.

00:13:25,823 --> 00:13:26,875

- Нет! Нет!! Ладно, Кайл!

00:13:26,921 --> 00:13:28,064

- Мэджик Джонсон, Кайл!

00:13:28,130 --> 00:13:29,632

- Зацепка - это Мэджик Джонсон.

00:13:29,799 --> 00:13:32,093

- Мэджик Джонсон. Он был баскетболистом.

00:13:32,260 --> 00:13:35,529

- Ну и что?!

- Ну так у него типа ВИЧ нашли типа лет эдак 15 назад!

00:13:35,596 --> 00:13:37,807

- А он всё ещё будь здоров!

00:13:37,974 --> 00:13:40,201

- У Мэджик Джонсона есть какой-то иммунитет против вируса, Кайл.

00:13:40,268 --> 00:13:42,186

- Я начал исследования с того момента, как заразился.

00:13:42,353 --> 00:13:45,189

- Если мы его выследим и добудем его генетический прототип,

00:13:45,356 --> 00:13:47,275

- У нас появится шанс, дружище!

00:13:47,441 --> 00:13:48,234

- Ты и я, Кайл.

00:13:48,401 --> 00:13:52,321

- Мы сможем победить нашу болезнь,

я клянусь тебе!

00:13:52,780 --> 00:13:55,967

- Хорошо бы, потому что, если ты не найдешь лекарство от ВИЧ,

00:13:56,033 --> 00:13:59,537

- Я раздроблю твой XBOX!..

00:13:59,996 --> 00:14:02,540

- Боже мой...

00:14:05,585 --> 00:14:08,671

- Нам нужно 2 билета до Лос-Анджелеса,

и как можно быстрее.

00:14:08,838 --> 00:14:10,631

- Лос-Анджелес? Хорошо...

00:14:10,798 --> 00:14:13,342

- Есть рейс на два часа, который...

00:14:13,509 --> 00:14:15,403

- Будет стоит 400 долларов с каждого.

00:14:15,469 --> 00:14:16,888

- Э, сэр, вы не понимаете.

00:14:17,054 --> 00:14:19,056

- Мы должны встретиться с Мэджик Джонсоном как можно скорее.

00:14:19,223 --> 00:14:22,602

- Дело в том,..

У нас СПИД.

00:14:23,352 --> 00:14:24,896

- СПИД?

00:14:25,062 --> 00:14:28,316

- Ого, это реально...

ретро...

00:14:29,609 --> 00:14:32,278

- Но извините, я не могу просто так раздавать бесплатные места.

00:14:32,445 --> 00:14:33,571

- Разве вы не понимаете?!

00:14:33,738 --> 00:14:38,075

- Мы двое друзей, пораженные заразой,

и все что у нас есть - это мы, в гонке со временем!

00:14:38,242 --> 00:14:41,704

- Невинные, забавные дети, которые были не за что поражены смертельной болезнью

00:14:41,871 --> 00:14:45,833

- Ничего себе, блин, просто так!

Я заразился СПИДом от него!

00:14:46,417 --> 00:14:49,253

- Ааа, ребятки вы типа любители поделать так, ага?..

00:14:49,420 --> 00:14:50,504

- НЕТ!

00:14:50,671 --> 00:14:53,674

- Вы точно уверены, что у вас нет никакой налички?

00:14:53,841 --> 00:14:57,261

- Мы не просто уверены, мы ВИЧ-позитивные.

00:14:57,428 --> 00:15:01,974

- Мы иногда предлагаем бесплатные места раковым больным, но СПИД...

00:15:02,041 --> 00:15:05,186

- Эй, Митч, у нас там нет никаких спец. акций для СПИДозников?

00:15:05,353 --> 00:15:07,563

- Забей! Мы пойдем в другую авиакомпанию.

00:15:07,730 --> 00:15:10,658

- Которой не пофиг!

00:15:11,484 --> 00:15:14,529

- Мы так рады что можем вам помочь, мальчики.

00:15:14,695 --> 00:15:16,739

- Какой вид рака у вас, вы до этого говорили?..

00:15:16,906 --> 00:15:19,158

- Ээ,.. ну вы в курсе... всетельный рак...

00:15:19,325 --> 00:15:20,701

- Мне так жаль...

00:15:20,868 --> 00:15:23,287

- Ну, это не так страшно, как иметь СПИД!

00:15:23,454 --> 00:15:24,872

- СПИД - это гораздо хуже!

00:15:25,039 --> 00:15:28,459

- Эмм, ну не знаю...

Сегодня я бы предпочла иметь СПИД, чем рак.

00:15:28,626 --> 00:15:33,756

- Нет, вы бы не...

Так, разве вам не нужно развозить напитки людям или типа того? Свалила отсюда!

00:15:33,923 --> 00:15:36,968

- Мы на верном пути, дружбан. Мэджик Джонсон, мы летим.

00:15:37,134 --> 00:15:40,179

- Не... трогай меня.

00:15:40,346 --> 00:15:43,474

- Я знаю...

- Мне тоже страшно.

00:15:49,588 --> 00:15:52,674

- Мэджик... Мэджик, ты не мог бы подойти на минутку...

00:15:52,841 --> 00:15:54,759

- Там пара ребят хотят встретиться с тобой.

00:15:54,926 --> 00:15:58,388

- Двое смелых маленьких друзей,

которые пролетели через всю Америку,

00:15:58,555 --> 00:15:59,931

- Для того, что бы найти лекарство от СПИДа.

00:16:00,098 --> 00:16:04,811

- Все что у них есть, это они сами, в борьбе со временем.

00:16:06,521 --> 00:16:07,981

- Спасибо что согласились встретиться с нами мистер Джонсон.

00:16:08,148 --> 00:16:13,069

- Мы надеемся, что, возможно, у вас есть

какой- то ключ, который может помочь с нашим заболеванием.

00:16:13,236 --> 00:16:16,156

- У вас у обоих есть вирус, вы уверены?

00:16:16,323 --> 00:16:19,785

- Мы не просто уверены,

Мы ВИЧ-положительны.

00:16:19,951 --> 00:16:21,828

- Может, ты уже завяжешь с этим?!

00:16:21,995 --> 00:16:24,581

- Что здесь забавного?!

00:16:24,748 --> 00:16:30,545

- Кайл мы должны попытать...

- Что именно в том, чтобы быть зараженным смертельно опасно болезнью, тебя веселит?!

00:16:30,712 --> 00:16:36,510

- Я не думаю, что это смешно, Кайл...

- Тогда прекрати говорить, что ты не просто уверен, ты - ВИЧ-положительный!

00:16:36,676 --> 00:16:39,137

- Это НЕ смешно!

СПИД это НЕ смешно!

Сдохнуть тоже НЕ смешно!

00:16:39,304 --> 00:16:42,099

- Так что - ЗАКРОЙ ХЛЕБОРЕЗКУ НАХ*Й!

00:16:42,265 --> 00:16:45,435

- Ну, прости Кайл, что пытался поддерживать оптимистическое настроение...

00:16:45,602 --> 00:16:49,773

- Иногда, когда вещи... начинают казаться унылыми,

ты просто пытаешься оставаться ВИЧ-позитивным.

00:16:49,940 --> 00:16:55,068

- Но если ты так хочешь быть ВИЧ-негативным, постоянно...

- ПРЕКРАТИ ПРЯМО СЕЙЧАС!

00:16:55,068 --> 00:16:56,549

- Это НЕ смешно.

00:16:56,863 --> 00:16:59,074

- Вообще!

00:16:59,241 --> 00:17:01,284

- Уверен?

- Да!

00:17:01,451 --> 00:17:03,587

- Ты ВИЧ-позитив?..

00:17:03,610 --> 00:17:04,380

- На х*й, Кайл!

00:17:04,454 --> 00:17:08,416

- Мальчики, честно говоря, я не знаю,

почему мое тело настолько невосприимчиво к вирусу.

00:17:08,583 --> 00:17:11,461

- Я бы хотел знать, что бы помочь остальным,

но я просто не могу!

00:17:11,628 --> 00:17:12,671

- Я тут подумал...

00:17:12,838 --> 00:17:16,842

- Возможно, есть что-то, с чем вы вступаете в контакт,

и это что-то не дает ВИЧ расти!

00:17:17,008 --> 00:17:19,219

- Вы не возражаете, если мы осмотримся?

00:17:19,386 --> 00:17:21,054

- Ну, ни в коей мере.

00:17:21,221 --> 00:17:23,849

- Там у меня бассейн, где я плаваю, пытаюсь держать себя в форме,

00:17:24,015 --> 00:17:26,518

- На кухне полно довольно "здоровой" пищи,

00:17:26,685 --> 00:17:30,689

- Я понятия не имею, что, на самом деле, держит меня в тонусе,

так что я пробую все что можно.

00:17:30,856 --> 00:17:34,609

- Но все так делают. Должно быть что-то, что делаете лично вы, а другие нет.

00:17:34,776 --> 00:17:35,861

- Можно посмотреть, где вы спите?

00:17:36,027 --> 00:17:38,405

- Конечно.

00:17:38,417 --> 00:17:43,994

- Просто, обычная, старомодная спальня.

00:17:44,161 --> 00:17:45,162

- Чувак...

00:17:45,328 --> 00:17:47,247

- А... А ну да...

- Я не доверяю банкам,

00:17:47,414 --> 00:17:49,541

- Я сплю со всеми своими деньгами.

00:17:49,708 --> 00:17:52,461

- Вы спите с деньгами?

Каждую ночь?

00:17:52,627 --> 00:17:55,005

- Ага, мне нравятся, когда они ряд...

00:17:55,172 --> 00:17:57,799

- Вы же не думаете...

00:17:58,066 --> 00:18:00,886

Центр Исследований СПИДа.

00:18:02,954 --> 00:18:04,723

- Это невероятно.

00:18:04,890 --> 00:18:08,727

- Мич, эти мальчики, похоже, наткнулись на кое- что.

Взгляни.

00:18:08,894 --> 00:18:10,896

- Это образец крови, заражённой ВИЧ.

00:18:11,062 --> 00:18:14,441

- Ты отчетливо видишь, как клетки ВИЧ атакуют белые кровеносные тельца, так?

00:18:14,608 --> 00:18:17,652

- А теперь смотри, что произойдет, когда появляется немного зелени...

00:18:17,819 --> 00:18:18,862

- Мой Бог!

00:18:19,029 --> 00:18:22,449

- Клетки ВИЧ отступают!

00:18:23,450 --> 00:18:26,953

- Деньги реально выводят ВИЧ из равновесия!

00:18:27,162 --> 00:18:28,288

- Так, подождите!

00:18:28,455 --> 00:18:32,292

- Всё, что делают деньги - это дестабилизируют вирус, а не уничтожают его.

00:18:32,459 --> 00:18:36,213

- Смотрите! Если куча денег приводит ВИЧ в отрицательное состояние,

00:18:36,379 --> 00:18:38,315

- ...тогда возможно,

- Тогда возможно, что большое количество денег,

00:18:38,381 --> 00:18:41,551

- Введенное внутривенно, может убить вирус раз и навсегда!

00:18:41,718 --> 00:18:44,679

- У меня хватит бабла на нас троих, мы должны попытаться!

00:18:44,846 --> 00:18:46,098

- Нет, нет, так нельзя!

00:18:46,264 --> 00:18:48,635

- Нам нужны подтверждения, период исследования побочных эффектов!

00:18:48,642 --> 00:18:50,435

- Простите, но это невозможно!

00:18:50,602 --> 00:18:54,372

- Эти мальчики показали нам, что многие невозможные вещи - возможны!

00:18:54,439 --> 00:18:59,277

- Их дружба может легко конкурировать с любой заразой в их жизни!

00:18:59,986 --> 00:19:06,201

- Их невероятная дружба принесла искорку надежды в наш мир, это уж точно.

00:19:06,368 --> 00:19:11,623

- Я полагаю, что мы могли бы использовать деньги Мэджика,

00:19:11,790 --> 00:19:13,291

- И испытать на одном из них.

00:19:13,458 --> 00:19:14,501

- Но это очень рискованно.

00:19:14,668 --> 00:19:15,252

- Да, что ж...

00:19:15,418 --> 00:19:20,966

- Если есть шанс излечиться от этого заболевания,

то Кайл готов пойти на такой риск.

00:19:49,786 --> 00:19:52,873

- Господи, хоть бы сработало.

00:19:58,420 --> 00:20:01,089

- Минутку... Да!

00:20:01,256 --> 00:20:03,049

- Да! Смотри!

00:20:03,216 --> 00:20:08,638

- Денежные клетки полностью заменили собой клетки ВИЧ в крови Кайла!

00:20:10,307 --> 00:20:13,935

- Мальчики, вы только что нашли лекарство от СПИДА!

00:20:14,102 --> 00:20:15,645

- Ништяяяк!!!

00:20:15,812 --> 00:20:19,191

- Они нашли лекарство от СПИДА!

Лекарство от СПИДА!

00:20:19,357 --> 00:20:20,150

- Что же это?!

00:20:20,317 --> 00:20:23,403

- Большая доза концентрированного налика!

00:20:23,570 --> 00:20:27,073

- Быстро мне прессу сюда!

Отлично!

00:20:27,140 --> 00:20:30,160

- Ученые только что нашли лекарство от СПИДА!

00:20:30,327 --> 00:20:34,807

- Около 180,000 долларов, введённые внутривенно в кровь!

00:20:38,710 --> 00:20:41,421

- Эй! Они только что нашли лекарство от СПИДА!

00:20:41,588 --> 00:20:46,718

- Вы просто должны вмазаться всеми своими деньгами!

00:20:49,513 --> 00:20:53,975

- Я рад сообщить, что больше нет никаких следов вируса ВИЧ

00:20:54,226 --> 00:20:57,771

- Ни в Кайле Брофловски, ни в Эрике Картмане!

00:20:58,355 --> 00:21:00,440

- Вместе эти мальчики справились со своей болезнью,

00:21:00,607 --> 00:21:03,735

- Вместе, преодолев все разногласия,

00:21:03,902 --> 00:21:06,363

- Эти двое смелых друзей!..

00:21:06,530 --> 00:21:07,280

- Харош!

00:21:07,447 --> 00:21:08,865

- Мы НЕ друзья!

00:21:09,032 --> 00:21:12,202

- Он, тот, кто заразил меня СПИДом!

00:21:12,369 --> 00:21:14,788

- Эти двое смелых любовников.

00:21:14,955 --> 00:21:17,040

- Нашли спасение и помогли миру.

00:21:17,207 --> 00:21:19,751

- И в честь этих мальчиков,

00:21:19,918 --> 00:21:21,419

- Выступает...

00:21:21,586 --> 00:21:23,046

- Джимми Баффет!

00:21:23,213 --> 00:21:25,006

- Чего?

- Ооо нет!

00:21:25,173 --> 00:21:31,388

Лекарственные бургеры в раю

Спасительные бургеры, второй раз говорю!

00:21:32,347 --> 00:21:34,808

- Чёрт подери...

00:21:35,058 --> 00:21:36,268

- Вот что я скажу тебе, Кайл,

00:21:36,435 --> 00:21:40,021

- Я больше никогда свои гланды в обиду не дам.

00:21:40,188 --> 00:21:43,150

- Я все равно разобью твой Xbox.

00:21:43,316 --> 00:21:46,736

- Что? Нет!

- Кайл нет!

00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,677

♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪

00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:13,212

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:13,246 --> 00:00:14,880

♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

00:00:14,915 --> 00:00:16,349

♪ Going down to South Park ♪

00:00:16,383 --> 00:00:18,317

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:19,885

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:21,620

♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪

00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:22,888

♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪

00:00:22,923 --> 00:00:24,990

♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:28,294

♪ ( mumbling ) ♪

00:00:28,328 --> 00:00:29,595

♪ Come on down to South Park ♪

00:00:29,629 --> 00:00:31,764

♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪♪

00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:36,102

Aghghgh...

00:00:37,838 --> 00:00:39,638

Ahghghghggh...

00:00:40,373 --> 00:00:42,141

Well, there's no doubt about it.

00:00:42,175 --> 00:00:44,477

Those tonsils need to come out.

00:00:44,511 --> 00:00:45,144

What ?

00:00:45,178 --> 00:00:47,680

What exactly does that entail, doctor ?

00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:49,315

It's a very simple operation.

00:00:49,349 --> 00:00:50,716

We'll just put you to sleep, Eric,

00:00:50,750 --> 00:00:52,918

and when you wake up,

you'll be tonsil-free.

00:00:52,953 --> 00:00:54,220

No, no way.

00:00:54,254 --> 00:00:56,088

I'm not going to the hospital, Mom !

00:00:56,123 --> 00:00:58,424

Oh, I thought you were a tough kid.

00:00:58,458 --> 00:01:01,527

You're not scared of hospitals, are you ?

00:01:01,561 --> 00:01:03,095

No, I'm not scared.

00:01:03,130 --> 00:01:05,998

I just... I don't want my

tonsils out, that's all.

00:01:06,032 --> 00:01:09,468

Well, then I guess you

don't want all the ice cream

00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:11,704

you get after the surgery either.

00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:13,105

Ice cream ?

00:01:13,140 --> 00:01:15,374

Be a shame to have to give all

that free ice cream

00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:18,777

to the big boys who aren't

scared of the hospitals.

00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:20,246

What do ya say, champ ?

00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:22,381

Think you can tough it out ?

00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:23,649

Well...

00:01:23,683 --> 00:01:26,051

you did say free ice cream ?

00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:28,454

( laughing )

00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:35,828

Poopsykins... wake up.

00:01:35,862 --> 00:01:37,530

Wake up, honey.

00:01:37,564 --> 00:01:38,998

Ugh...

00:01:39,032 --> 00:01:40,566

It's... it's over ?

00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:42,868

That's right, you did it, poopsykins.

00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:44,236

It's over.

00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:45,804

I didn't feel anything !

00:01:45,839 --> 00:01:47,206

You were right, Mom !

00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:49,208

I'm so proud of you, Eric.

00:01:49,242 --> 00:01:50,943

All right, so where's my ice cream ?

00:01:50,977 --> 00:01:53,412

Oh, here's the doctor now !

00:01:53,446 --> 00:01:54,813

Hi, doctor.

00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:56,048

You were right, doctor.

00:01:56,082 --> 00:01:58,684

Everything is okay.

00:01:58,718 --> 00:02:00,519

No, it's not.

00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:03,189

Eric, I'm afraid that we've

accidentally infected you

00:02:03,223 --> 00:02:05,658

with the AIDS virus.

00:02:07,694 --> 00:02:08,427

What ?!

00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:09,929

What's that supposed to mean ?

00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:12,865

During the tonsil surgery,

we had to supply you with donor blood.

00:02:12,899 --> 00:02:17,169

A mistake was made and you were given

blood contaminated with H.I.V.

00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:20,072

It was a one-in-a-billion fluke.

00:02:20,106 --> 00:02:21,574

I have AIDS ?!

00:02:21,608 --> 00:02:25,978

Not yet, but we've confirmed that you

now have the virus that causes AIDS.

00:02:26,012 --> 00:02:28,447

We are very sorry.

00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:29,481

Sorry ?!

00:02:29,516 --> 00:02:31,250

You gave me AIDS and you're sorry ?!

00:02:31,284 --> 00:02:33,619

Oh, my poor little baby !

00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:35,020

Mom, you said nothing would go wrong !

00:02:35,055 --> 00:02:37,723

Oh, God !

Oh, no !

00:02:37,757 --> 00:02:39,458

No, no, this is a joke, right ?

00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:41,860

This is a joke !

I can't have AIDS !

00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:43,495

We are going to do

everything in our power

00:02:43,530 --> 00:02:45,164

to make this up to you, Eric.

00:02:45,198 --> 00:02:49,602

For starters, I think I owe

you some ice cream.

00:02:51,438 --> 00:02:52,571

Fuck your ice cream !

00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:54,106

You said I'd be fine !

00:02:54,140 --> 00:02:56,041

You all said I'd be fine !

00:02:56,076 --> 00:02:58,110

Woaa-oh oooooh !

00:02:58,144 --> 00:03:02,615

Oh, my baby has H.I.V.. !

00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:03,315

No !

00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:04,883

Noooooo !

00:03:08,955 --> 00:03:10,589

Thank you for coming, everyone.

00:03:10,624 --> 00:03:14,026

Boys, please take a seat.

00:03:14,060 --> 00:03:16,095

What's going on ?

Are we in trouble ?

00:03:16,129 --> 00:03:18,430

Boys, the reason we called you all in

00:03:18,465 --> 00:03:22,735

is because one of your

friends has a serious illness.

00:03:22,769 --> 00:03:26,639

Eric Cartman has

been diagnosed with H.I.V.

00:03:28,575 --> 00:03:30,609

- What ?

- Oh, no.

00:03:30,644 --> 00:03:33,846

He's been to several specialists

since a botched blood transfusion.

00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:36,815

The disease is in very early stages

and completely manageable,

00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:40,252

but he's naturally a bit scared.

00:03:40,287 --> 00:03:41,920

Cartman has H.I.V. ?

00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:45,491

We need everyone to understand

that you can't get the virus from Eric.

00:03:45,525 --> 00:03:47,793

You can still give him

hugs and even kisses.

00:03:47,827 --> 00:03:48,694

Don't be afraid of him, just--

00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:50,462

Excuse me.

00:03:50,497 --> 00:03:53,766

Eric Cartman has H.I.V.

00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,801

All right, we're gonna bring Eric in now,

00:03:55,835 --> 00:03:58,504

and let's all be as supportive as we can

00:03:58,538 --> 00:04:01,807

and show him lots of love, okay ?

00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:06,512

Eric, come on in.

Your friends all want to say hi, m'kay ?

00:04:08,148 --> 00:04:11,383

- Hi, Eric !

- Hey there, Eric !

00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:13,285

No...way.

00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:14,586

How ya doin', Eric ?

00:04:14,621 --> 00:04:18,090

You know, I think you're

a real special little guy.

00:04:18,124 --> 00:04:19,725

And even though you have AIDS,

00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:22,194

I ain't gonna act any different towards you.

00:04:25,398 --> 00:04:28,267

Goddamn it, this sucks ass !

00:04:28,301 --> 00:04:31,337

Excuse me, I have to step out for a minute.

00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:37,242

( snickering )

00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:41,747

( laughing uncontrollably )

00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:46,719

Poor ol' Kyle, he's really taking it hard.

00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:48,420

Is Kyle laughing out there ?!

00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:50,956

This isn't a time for funny jokes !

I'm gonna die !

00:04:50,990 --> 00:04:52,725

No, you're not going to die, Eric.

00:04:52,759 --> 00:04:54,860

AIDS isn't as big a deal as it used to be.

00:04:54,894 --> 00:04:56,028

There are advances in treatment--

00:04:56,062 --> 00:04:57,329

Not a big deal ?!

00:04:57,364 --> 00:04:58,764

Is that how everyone feels ?!

00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:01,433

People need to understand

the seriousness of this illness,

00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,470

and the bravery of the people

who struggle with it !

00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:10,843

We are here tonight to salute

the bravery and the courage

00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:12,945

of one very special little boy

00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:16,515

who is living with H.I.V.

00:05:16,549 --> 00:05:19,351

Where the hell is everybody ?

00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:21,487

Excuse me, shouldn't we

wait for everyone to arrive

00:05:21,521 --> 00:05:23,088

before we get started ?

00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:24,590

This is everyone.

00:05:24,624 --> 00:05:26,525

We didn't sell that many tickets.

00:05:26,559 --> 00:05:27,926

Great benefit, Eric !

00:05:27,961 --> 00:05:30,696

The Italian meatballs are f-f-f-fantastic !

00:05:30,730 --> 00:05:31,997

So this is it ?

00:05:32,031 --> 00:05:35,267

I'm afraid AIDS benefits

aren't as popular as they used to be.

00:05:35,301 --> 00:05:37,369

AIDS was more the '80s/'90s disease.

00:05:37,404 --> 00:05:39,505

It's all about cancer now.

00:05:39,539 --> 00:05:40,773

Well, that's just great !

00:05:40,807 --> 00:05:42,040

Of all the times to get AIDS,

00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:44,643

I get it right when

everyone stops giving a crap !

00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:46,078

With all of your help,

00:05:46,112 --> 00:05:49,548

we have raised over

$17.00 for AIDS tonight,

00:05:49,582 --> 00:05:54,853

and that money will certainly go towards

helping little Eric Martman.

00:05:54,888 --> 00:05:57,389

Just bring out Elton John already !

00:05:57,424 --> 00:05:59,191

Uh, we're sorry, Elton couldn't make it.

00:05:59,225 --> 00:06:01,460

He had to play at a cancer benefit.

00:06:01,494 --> 00:06:03,862

It's all right, we got somebody better.

00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:05,664

Jimmy Buffett !

00:06:05,698 --> 00:06:07,232

Jimmy Buffett ?

00:06:07,267 --> 00:06:08,634

Hello, everyone.

00:06:08,668 --> 00:06:12,371

I wrote this song for a very brave little boy.

00:06:12,405 --> 00:06:15,307

♪AIDS burger in paradise ♪

00:06:15,341 --> 00:06:18,977

♪ AIDS burger and it ain't nice... ♪

00:06:19,012 --> 00:06:20,879

Nobody likes Jimmy Buffett

except for frat boys

00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:22,915

and alcoholic chicks from the south !

00:06:22,949 --> 00:06:25,784

♪ ... Little boy in South Park ♪

00:06:25,819 --> 00:06:28,253

♪ Dying ofAIDS in the cold dark ♪

00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:29,421

♪ How he got AIDS ♪

00:06:29,456 --> 00:06:32,024

♪ I've haven't a clue ♪

00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:33,759

♪ Wasting away again ♪

00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:35,928

♪ Because ofAIDS and stuff... ♪♪

00:06:35,962 --> 00:06:37,663

How are we all feeling tonight ?

00:06:37,697 --> 00:06:39,164

Fuck you, Jimmy Buffett !

00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:40,732

You fucking suck !

00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:42,668

Oh, poopsykins, be nice.

00:06:42,702 --> 00:06:45,637

Fuck you, Mom.

I have fucking AIDS !

00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:55,013

Hey, guys...thanks a lot for coming to

my AIDS benefit yesterday.

00:06:55,048 --> 00:06:57,416

Oh, dude, was that yesterday ?

We forgot.

00:06:57,450 --> 00:06:58,684

Yeah, you forgot.

00:06:58,718 --> 00:07:01,920

Just like a lot of people lately have forgot

that AIDS is still killing people.

00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:06,492

Seems like all ofAmerica has forgot

that H.I.V. is a serious disease.

00:07:06,526 --> 00:07:09,428

Well, did Elton John sing a song for you ?

00:07:09,462 --> 00:07:12,097

No, as a matter of fact,

Jimmy Buffett came instead.

00:07:12,131 --> 00:07:14,399

( chuckling )

00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,368

Oh, yeah, it's real fucking funny, Kyle !

00:07:16,402 --> 00:07:18,570

( snickering )

00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:21,273

I'm sorry...

I'm-- I'm really--

00:07:21,307 --> 00:07:23,976

Cartman, I feel really bad for you.

Honestly.

00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:25,544

- No you don't !

- I do.

00:07:25,578 --> 00:07:29,314

If you really felt bad, you'd wipe that

fucking smirk off your face !

00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:31,517

Well, any Goddamned second, Kyle !

00:07:31,551 --> 00:07:33,085

I'm sorry, I gotta go home.

00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:35,220

( laughing uncontrollably )

00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:39,057

Jesus Christ, can you believe that asshole ?!

00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:40,359

He does feel bad for you, Cartman.

00:07:40,393 --> 00:07:42,361

He just thinks it's...ironic.

00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:43,695

Ironic how ?!

00:07:43,730 --> 00:07:45,397

Y'know, you're always such

a dick and stuff and now--

00:07:45,431 --> 00:07:46,865

Oh, and what, I deserve it ?!

00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:48,033

Is that what you think ?

00:07:48,067 --> 00:07:50,369

Not me !

That's just kind of what he thinks.

00:07:50,403 --> 00:07:53,672

Nobody deserves this illness,

Stan, Kenny-- nobody !

00:07:53,706 --> 00:07:54,907

It's awful !

00:07:54,941 --> 00:08:09,621

And maybe somebody needs to teach Kyle

how to have some compassion.

00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:11,823

Ugh, okay... it's clear.

00:08:13,092 --> 00:08:15,427

All right, get that rope ready to hoist me.

00:08:15,461 --> 00:08:17,596

Okay, but what are you going to do ?

00:08:17,630 --> 00:08:19,298

Kyle thinks that H.I.V. is funny,

00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:20,933

so we're gonna make him look funny,

00:08:20,967 --> 00:08:23,535

and then he'll know how

it feels to be laughed at.

00:08:23,570 --> 00:08:27,873

I just-- I don't know if I should be

helping you make Kyle look silly.

00:08:27,907 --> 00:08:29,708

Butters, helping people who have AIDS

00:08:29,742 --> 00:08:32,411

is one of the most

important things you can do.

00:08:32,445 --> 00:08:35,747

I know, but are you sure Kyle

has to be taught a lesson ?

00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:37,416

I'm not just sure, Butters,

00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:39,818

I'm H.I.V. positive.

00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:42,354

Oh, yeah, I guess that's true.

00:08:42,388 --> 00:08:44,623

All right, now get the rope up over

that third rafter above the window--

00:08:44,657 --> 00:08:45,857

that's the easiest access.

00:08:45,892 --> 00:08:47,593

Wow, you really know what you're doing.

00:08:47,627 --> 00:08:50,429

Yeah, I sneak into Kyle's room lots of times.

00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:05,477

You think H.I.V. is something

to be laughed at, Kyle ?

00:09:05,511 --> 00:09:07,913

Well...

00:09:07,947 --> 00:09:11,650

let's just see how funny it is now, asshole.

00:09:14,954 --> 00:09:17,889

Ugh, ugh-- wha ?

00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:21,727

Ahh, ahh.

00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:29,034

( sniffling )

00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:29,668

( sneezing )

00:09:29,702 --> 00:09:32,104

There, there, boobie,

you'll be okay.

00:09:32,138 --> 00:09:36,308

Oh, doctor, did you find anything ?

Is it strep ?

00:09:36,342 --> 00:09:38,343

No, it isn't strep.

00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:40,646

Oh, well, that's a relief.

00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:44,716

Mrs. Broflovski, has your son ever had

a blood transfusion ?

00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:46,652

No, why ?

00:09:46,686 --> 00:09:47,686

Little boy...

00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:50,389

Have you been having

unprotected anal sex ?

00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:51,657

What ?-- No !

00:09:51,691 --> 00:09:53,592

Doctor, what are you saying ?

00:09:53,626 --> 00:09:55,694

We've run every test imaginable.

00:09:55,728 --> 00:10:00,365

Little Kyle here is infected with H.I.V.

00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,067

- What ?

- H.I.V. ?

00:10:02,101 --> 00:10:03,769

It took us a long time to narrow it down,

00:10:03,803 --> 00:10:05,037

but there is no doubt.

00:10:05,071 --> 00:10:06,638

No, that's impossible !

00:10:06,673 --> 00:10:07,906

Little boy, are you sure you haven't

00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:10,208

taken it up the hoo-hoo

just once or twice ?

00:10:10,243 --> 00:10:11,143

No !

00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:12,544

No, Goddamn it, no !

00:10:12,578 --> 00:10:13,578

I'm telling you, you're wrong !

00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:16,915

There's no way I can have H.I.V.

Unless maybe...

00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:20,719

Oh, my God.

That son of a bitch !

00:10:20,753 --> 00:10:22,921

Kyle... Kyle !

00:10:24,657 --> 00:10:26,792

Pass me the ball.

00:10:26,826 --> 00:10:29,961

Pass me the ball, Craig,

you stupid asshole !

00:10:29,996 --> 00:10:30,962

Ugugh !

00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:33,565

Kyle, what the "f" ?!

00:10:33,599 --> 00:10:34,800

I'm gonna kill you, Cartman !

00:10:34,834 --> 00:10:36,201

Kyle, what ?!

00:10:36,235 --> 00:10:37,269

What did he do ?

00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:39,504

Why do I have H.I.V. ?!

00:10:39,539 --> 00:10:40,972

Oh.

00:10:41,007 --> 00:10:43,442

Oh, you have H.I.V. huh, Kyle ?

00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:45,110

Guess it isn't so funny now, is it ?

00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:46,778

- What did you do ?

- Nothing !

00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:47,979

Then why did Butters say he helped you

00:10:48,014 --> 00:10:50,048

sneak into my room last Friday night ?

00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:51,917

Oh, nice, Butters, you big tattletale !

00:10:51,951 --> 00:10:53,185

Tattletale ?!

00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:54,820

Do you know how serious this is ?

00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:56,688

Well, Kyle, maybe I was just

trying to prove a--

00:10:56,723 --> 00:10:57,656

Ahh !

00:10:57,690 --> 00:11:00,125

Ahghgghghh !

Kyle !

00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:02,761

Hate you, hate you !

00:11:02,795 --> 00:11:04,429

Hey, hey, that's enough !

00:11:04,464 --> 00:11:06,231

Break it up, m'kay !

00:11:06,265 --> 00:11:07,199

Break it up !

00:11:07,233 --> 00:11:10,235

M'kay... m'kay !

00:11:13,573 --> 00:11:16,742

All right, boys, now what

is this fighting all about ?!

00:11:16,776 --> 00:11:19,778

He gave me AIDS !

00:11:19,812 --> 00:11:20,378

What ?

00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:22,981

He purposely infected me

with his H.I.V. virus !

00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:24,149

Is that true, Eric ?

00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:25,650

Did you give Kyle AIDS ?

00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,385

Well, he was being a total dick

00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:28,153

and then he's a big tattletale,

00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:29,521

going around and talking

crap about me.

00:11:29,555 --> 00:11:31,923

Did you infect Kyle

with the H.I.V. virus--

00:11:31,958 --> 00:11:35,260

Yes or no ?

00:11:35,294 --> 00:11:36,461

Kind of.

00:11:36,496 --> 00:11:39,397

Eric, that is not appropriate

behavior, m'kay ?

00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:42,567

You cannot purposely infect

other kids with your disease.

00:11:42,602 --> 00:11:43,468

That's right.

00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:46,438

I think you owe Kyle an apology.

00:11:46,472 --> 00:11:47,672

I'm sorry.

00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:48,874

An apology ?

00:11:48,908 --> 00:11:50,909

You're sorry for what, Eric ?

00:11:50,943 --> 00:11:53,411

I'm sorry for

giving you AIDS, Kyle.

00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:54,312

That's better.

00:11:54,347 --> 00:11:59,851

And now, Kyle, maybe you should also

admit you were wrong for tattling.

00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:00,585

What ?!

00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:02,654

Kyle the thing about tattling is...

00:12:02,688 --> 00:12:04,256

tattling's bad, m'kay,

00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:06,458

because nobody likes a tattletale, m'kay.

00:12:06,492 --> 00:12:07,692

A tattletale ?!

00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,294

He infected me with AIDS !

00:12:09,328 --> 00:12:10,662

See, he's tattling again.

00:12:10,696 --> 00:12:12,998

He's hasn't learned a thing, you guys.

00:12:15,701 --> 00:12:17,035

Well, Kyle, I guess we're even now.

00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:19,971

Should we just call it a truce ?

00:12:20,006 --> 00:12:23,475

Kyle, should we call

it even-stevens now ?

00:12:23,509 --> 00:12:26,978

Kyle, where are you going ?

00:12:27,013 --> 00:12:32,117

I am going to break

everything that you own.

00:12:32,151 --> 00:12:33,385

What is that supposed to mean ?

00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:34,586

Kyle ?

00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:35,987

Kyle, Kyle, no !

00:12:36,022 --> 00:12:37,923

I apologized, Kyle !

00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:40,692

Kyle !

00:12:40,726 --> 00:12:43,094

Kyle, hold on, you asshole !

00:12:48,801 --> 00:12:49,968

Agghhhh!

00:12:50,002 --> 00:12:51,736

What the fuck are you doing ?

00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:54,406

Kyle, stop it !

00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:58,276

Goddamn it, don't !

00:12:58,311 --> 00:12:59,845

No, Kyle, not Clyde Frog !

00:12:59,879 --> 00:13:01,847

Leave Clyde Frog alone !

00:13:01,881 --> 00:13:05,317

No, ahgghgh, Clyde Frog !

00:13:05,351 --> 00:13:05,951

Clyde Frog--

00:13:05,985 --> 00:13:07,886

No, no, not the Xbox,

Kyle, not the-- wait !

00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:10,222

Just wait a second !

00:13:10,256 --> 00:13:12,591

I'm sorry I gave you H.I.V. all right ?

00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:15,060

Just give me a chance and I can cure you.

00:13:15,094 --> 00:13:16,862

There is no cure, you asshole !

00:13:16,896 --> 00:13:19,397

No, no, listen, Kyle, I'm onto something.

00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:20,498

There really is hope.

00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:22,067

What hope ?

00:13:22,101 --> 00:13:24,302

Break my Xbox and you'll never know.

00:13:24,337 --> 00:13:25,804

- You're lying.

- No, no !

00:13:25,838 --> 00:13:27,839

All right, Kyle,

Magic Johnson, Kyle !

00:13:27,874 --> 00:13:29,441

The key is Magic Johnson.

00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:30,642

Magic johnson ?

00:13:30,676 --> 00:13:32,344

He was a basketball player.

00:13:32,378 --> 00:13:32,944

So what ?!

00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:35,313

So he got H.I.V. like 50 years ago

00:13:35,348 --> 00:13:37,749

and he's still totally fine.

00:13:37,783 --> 00:13:40,085

Magic Johnson has some kind of

resistance to the virus, Kyle.

00:13:40,119 --> 00:13:42,254

I've been researching it

since I got infected.

00:13:42,288 --> 00:13:43,288

If we can track him down

00:13:43,322 --> 00:13:44,589

and isolate his genetic prototype,

00:13:44,624 --> 00:13:46,658

we have a chance

of beating this thing, buddy.

00:13:46,692 --> 00:13:48,260

You and me, Kyle.

00:13:48,294 --> 00:13:49,327

We can overcome our illness.

00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:52,764

I swear it to you.

00:13:52,798 --> 00:13:53,665

You better.

00:13:53,699 --> 00:13:55,734

Because if you don't

find a cure for H.I.V.

00:13:55,768 --> 00:13:58,436

I will break your Xbox.

00:13:59,572 --> 00:14:01,139

My God.

00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:05,310

( woman on loudspeaker )

The white zone is for immediate

loading and unloading...

00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:08,580

We need two tickets to Los Angeles

as soon as possible.

00:14:08,614 --> 00:14:11,750

Los Angeles...

okay, I have a 2:00 flight.

00:14:11,784 --> 00:14:15,253

That would be... $400 each.

00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:16,788

Uh, Sir, you don't understand.

00:14:16,822 --> 00:14:18,657

We have to see Magic

Johnson right away.

00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:23,028

You see...we have AIDS.

00:14:23,062 --> 00:14:24,562

AIDS ?

00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:29,134

Wow, that's really...retro.

00:14:29,168 --> 00:14:29,834

But I'm sorry...

00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:32,170

I can't just give away free seats.

00:14:32,204 --> 00:14:33,705

Don't you get it ?

00:14:33,739 --> 00:14:35,807

We are two pals,

afflicted with an illness

00:14:35,841 --> 00:14:38,076

and who only have each other

in a race against time !

00:14:38,110 --> 00:14:39,778

Innocent playful

children who were stricken

00:14:39,812 --> 00:14:41,579

with a deadly disease for no reason.

00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:43,315

Oh, please !

No reason !

00:14:43,349 --> 00:14:46,151

I got AIDS from him !

00:14:46,185 --> 00:14:49,287

Oh, you boys are like that, huh ?

00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:50,388

No !

00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:53,558

Are you sure you boys

just don't have any cash ?

00:14:53,592 --> 00:14:56,828

We're not just sure, we're H.I.V. positive.

00:14:56,862 --> 00:15:01,333

Uh, we sometimes offer free seats

to cancer patients, but AIDS, I --

00:15:01,367 --> 00:15:05,103

Hey, Mitch, do we

have any AIDS patient policies ?

00:15:05,137 --> 00:15:06,271

Forget it, all right !

00:15:06,305 --> 00:15:07,572

We'll use another airline !

00:15:07,606 --> 00:15:09,240

One that cares !

00:15:11,210 --> 00:15:14,179

We're so happy to help

accommodate you brave boys.

00:15:14,213 --> 00:15:16,748

What kind of cancer

did you say you have again ?

00:15:16,782 --> 00:15:18,950

Oh, uh, you know, all-over cancer.

00:15:18,985 --> 00:15:20,418

I'm so sorry.

00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:23,054

Yeah, well, at least it's not as

bad as having AIDS !

00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:24,689

AIDS is the worst disease.

00:15:24,724 --> 00:15:26,057

Hmm, I don't know.

00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:28,326

These days, I think I'd rather

have AIDS than cancer.

00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:29,494

No, you wouldn't--

00:15:29,528 --> 00:15:31,463

Look, shouldn't you be serving

people drinks or something ?

00:15:31,497 --> 00:15:33,398

Get outta here !

00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:35,033

We're on our way, buddy.

00:15:35,067 --> 00:15:37,002

Magic Johnson, here we come !

00:15:37,036 --> 00:15:39,971

Don't touch me.

00:15:40,006 --> 00:15:41,973

I know, I'm scared too.

00:15:49,515 --> 00:15:52,517

Magic, Magic, could you come

to the front for a minute ?

00:15:52,551 --> 00:15:54,886

There are a couple

of boys here to see you.

00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:57,088

Two brave little buddies

who, against all odds,

00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:59,991

have journeyed across America

to find the cure for AIDS.

00:16:00,026 --> 00:16:04,429

All they have is each other

in a race against time.

00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:05,997

( sniffle )

00:16:06,532 --> 00:16:08,266

Thank you for seeing us,

Mr. Johnson.

00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:10,635

We were hoping that maybe

you have some kind of key

00:16:10,669 --> 00:16:13,071

that could help us with our disease.

00:16:13,105 --> 00:16:15,106

You boys both have the virus ?

00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:16,307

Are you sure ?

00:16:16,342 --> 00:16:19,878

We're not just sure, we're H.I.V. positive.

00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:21,946

Will you stop it with that ?

00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:24,449

What part of this is funny to you ?

00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:25,650

Kyle, we need to try to find--

00:16:25,684 --> 00:16:27,352

What part of being infected

with a deadly disease

00:16:27,386 --> 00:16:30,622

do you find funny ?

00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:31,489

I don't think it's funny, Kyle.

00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:36,661

Then stop saying you're

"not just sure, you're H.I.V. positive."

00:16:36,695 --> 00:16:38,363

This isn't funny,

AIDS isn't funny,

00:16:38,397 --> 00:16:42,100

dying isn't funny,

so shut the fuck up !

00:16:42,134 --> 00:16:43,468

Well, excuse me, Kyle,

00:16:43,502 --> 00:16:44,969

for trying to keep some

optimism, y'know.

00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,539

I mean, sometimes when

things seem their darkest,

00:16:47,573 --> 00:16:49,808

you just need to try and stay...

H.I.V. positive.

00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,643

But if you wanna be so

H.I.V. negative all the time--

00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:54,813

Knock it off right now !

00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:59,084

This isn't funny...at all !

00:16:59,118 --> 00:17:01,419

- Are you sure ?

- Yes !

00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:03,254

Are you H.I.V. positi--

Ow !

00:17:03,289 --> 00:17:04,189

Ow, fuck, Kyle !

00:17:04,223 --> 00:17:08,493

Boys, the truth is I don't know

why my body is so resistant to the virus.

00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:11,629

I would love to know so

I could help others, but I just don't.

00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:12,997

Well, I've been thinking.

00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:14,966

Maybe there's something

you've come into contact with

00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:16,968

that hinders H.I.V. from growing.

00:17:17,002 --> 00:17:19,270

Do you mind if we just look around ?

00:17:19,305 --> 00:17:21,072

Well, not at all.

00:17:21,107 --> 00:17:22,407

The pool is over there,

00:17:22,441 --> 00:17:24,209

where I try to

swim and stay in shape.

00:17:24,243 --> 00:17:26,711

My kitchen is full of pretty healthy food.

00:17:26,745 --> 00:17:29,314

I don't know which thing it is

that keeps my t-cell count high,

00:17:29,348 --> 00:17:30,748

so I try it all.

00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:32,450

But everyone tries that.

00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:33,785

There has to be

something you're exposed to

00:17:33,819 --> 00:17:34,819

that others aren't.

00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:36,154

Could we see where you sleep ?

00:17:36,188 --> 00:17:37,322

Sure.

00:17:38,257 --> 00:17:40,225

Just a pretty plain

old ordinary bedroom.

00:17:43,996 --> 00:17:44,496

Dude.

00:17:44,530 --> 00:17:47,298

Oh, yeah, I don't trust banks.

00:17:47,333 --> 00:17:49,934

I sleep with all my money.

00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:52,570

You sleep with money every night ?

00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:54,873

Yeah, I like to keep it close--

00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:58,443

you don't think that...

00:18:02,481 --> 00:18:04,849

It's incredible.

00:18:04,884 --> 00:18:06,618

Mitch, these boys

could be onto something.

00:18:06,652 --> 00:18:08,219

Take a look.

00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:10,989

That's a sample of

H.I.V. infected blood.

00:18:11,023 --> 00:18:14,058

You can clearly see the H.I.V. attacking the

white blood cells, right ?

00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:17,695

All right, now watch what happens

when we introduce some cash.

00:18:17,730 --> 00:18:19,164

My God !

00:18:19,198 --> 00:18:21,232

The H.I.V. particles are receding !

00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:23,334

( particles shrieking )

00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:27,105

The cash does seem to restrain

the H.I.V. cells from stabilizing !

00:18:27,139 --> 00:18:28,506

Now, hold on !

00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:31,209

All the cash is doing is

destabilizing the virus,

00:18:31,243 --> 00:18:32,577

not destroying it.

00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:34,479

Well, look, if being around

lots of cash

00:18:34,513 --> 00:18:36,981

negatively affects the H.I.V.

then maybe--

00:18:37,016 --> 00:18:38,283

Then maybe enough cash

00:18:38,317 --> 00:18:39,817

shot directly into the blood stream

00:18:39,852 --> 00:18:41,619

could kill the virus all together.

00:18:41,654 --> 00:18:43,154

I have enough cash for

all three of us.

00:18:43,189 --> 00:18:44,622

We should give it a try.

00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:45,990

No, no, it's ridiculous.

00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:48,259

We need F.D.A. approvals,

control studies !

00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:50,428

I'm sorry, but this is impossible.

00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:51,829

These boys have shown us

00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:54,365

that a lot of impossible things

can happen !

00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,568

Their friendship has conquered

every obstacle in

00:18:56,602 --> 00:18:59,737

their illness-ridden lives.

00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:01,506

Their incredible

friendship has brought

00:19:01,540 --> 00:19:04,809

a sparkle of hope to our world,

that's for sure.

00:19:04,843 --> 00:19:06,110

Ugh.

00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:08,379

I suppose we could try

to distill Magic's cash

00:19:08,414 --> 00:19:11,649

down to its most highly

concentrated level

00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:13,585

and try it on one of them.

00:19:13,619 --> 00:19:14,819

But it's very risky.

00:19:14,853 --> 00:19:17,789

Yeah, well, if there's a chance

of being cured of this illness,

00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:20,825

then Kyle is willing to take that risk.

00:19:49,788 --> 00:19:52,624

Let's hope to Christ this works.

00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:56,227

( slprrrg )

00:19:58,497 --> 00:20:00,164

Wait a minute...

00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:03,034

Yes...

Yes, take a look !

00:20:03,068 --> 00:20:04,836

The cash particles have

completely replaced

00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:08,373

all the H.I.V. in Kyle's blood !

00:20:10,175 --> 00:20:13,978

Boys, you've just found the

cure for AIDS !

00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:15,346

All right !

00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:17,682

They've found the cure for AIDS !

00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:19,250

The cure for AIDS !

00:20:19,285 --> 00:20:20,551

What is it ?

00:20:20,586 --> 00:20:23,521

Large doses of concentrated cash !

00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:24,989

Get the media on the phone !

00:20:25,024 --> 00:20:26,858

All right !

00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:29,994

Scientists have just discovered

the cure for AIDS:

00:20:30,029 --> 00:20:35,233

about a $180,000 shot directly

into the bloodstream.

00:20:38,504 --> 00:20:39,237

Hey !

00:20:39,271 --> 00:20:41,139

They just found the cure for AIDS !

00:20:41,173 --> 00:20:44,042

You just have to inject

yourself with all your cash !

00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:45,209

Woo-hoo !

00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:50,782

I am pleased to announce that

00:20:50,816 --> 00:20:52,984

there is no trace of the H.I.V. virus

00:20:53,018 --> 00:20:56,454

in either Kyle Broflovski

or Eric Cartman.

00:20:56,488 --> 00:20:57,989

( applause )

00:20:58,023 --> 00:21:00,024

Together, these boys

beat their illness

00:21:00,059 --> 00:21:02,226

with nothing but each other,

00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:03,995

and overcoming all odds,

00:21:04,029 --> 00:21:06,464

these two brave friends--

00:21:06,498 --> 00:21:08,900

Oh, stop--

we're not friends !

00:21:08,934 --> 00:21:12,236

He's the one who infected me with AIDS !

00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:14,405

These two brave lovers

00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:17,075

found the cure and helped the world.

00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:21,379

And so to honor these boys,

here is...

00:21:21,413 --> 00:21:23,214

Jimmy Buffett !

00:21:23,248 --> 00:21:25,350

What ?!

Oh, no !

00:21:25,384 --> 00:21:28,386

♪ Cure burger in paradise ♪

00:21:28,420 --> 00:21:29,487

♪ Cure burger ♪

00:21:29,521 --> 00:21:31,923

♪ There I said it twice ♪♪

00:21:31,957 --> 00:21:34,926

Agh, Goddamn it !

00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:35,927

Well, I tell you this, Kyle...

00:21:35,961 --> 00:21:38,296

I'm never getting

my tonsils out again !

00:21:38,330 --> 00:21:40,131

Ha-ha-ha-ha !

00:21:40,165 --> 00:21:42,834

I'm still breaking your Xbox.

00:21:42,868 --> 00:21:44,669

What ?

No, no !

00:21:44,703 --> 00:21:46,170

Kyle, no !