Больше дерьма — Рэнди Марш после долгого запора порождает экскременты огромных размеров, и восхищённые друзья советуют ему зафиксировать рекорд через Книгу рекордов Гиннесса. Однако у Рэнди появляется соперник.

Предыдущая серия S11 E08 Le Petit Tourette

Следующая серия S11 E10 Воображляндия

Больше дерьма

More Crap

Сезон: 11Серия: 09

Описание

Рэнди Марш после долгого запора порождает экскременты огромных размеров, и восхищённые друзья советуют ему зафиксировать рекорд через Книгу рекордов Гиннесса. Однако у Рэнди появляется соперник.

Субтитры

00:00:04,520 --> 00:00:16,590 South Park S11E09 - More Crap (11.10.07) (Больше дерьма.) Распространитель http://south-parkx.info/
00:00:16,690 --> 00:00:24,700 перевод: shoke (shoke@sibmail.com) тайминг: shoke небольшие дополнения: Saddam Распространитель http://south-parkx.info/
00:00:24,700 --> 00:00:27,400 специально для http://uzhe.vtomske.ru Распространитель http://south-parkx.info/
00:00:39,500 --> 00:00:41,760 -Не поймите меня неправильно, мистер Марш.
00:00:41,770 --> 00:00:43,270 -У вас запор.
00:00:43,740 --> 00:00:45,240 -Спасибо за своевременную новость.
00:00:45,550 --> 00:00:49,270 -Я не срал уже больше 3-х недель, и вопрос почему?
00:00:49,330 --> 00:00:51,360 -Чем вы последнее время питались?
00:00:51,390 --> 00:00:52,860 -Едой из “PFChank” в основном.
00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:54,090 -Ниче так.
00:00:54,660 --> 00:00:56,740 -Я выпишу вам слабительное.
00:00:57,890 --> 00:00:58,790 -Но я должен вас предупредить.
00:00:58,910 --> 00:01:01,060 -Когда у вас, наконец, будет стул.
00:01:01,650 --> 00:01:03,090 -Это может быть очень болезненным.
00:01:04,210 --> 00:01:05,860 -Насколько болезненным?
00:01:17,300 --> 00:01:19,040 -О Боже,.. вот оно...
00:01:24,910 --> 00:01:26,390 -Атататата!
00:01:37,460 --> 00:01:38,240 -Все закончилось.
00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:39,910 -Кончилось...
00:01:40,870 --> 00:01:41,500 -О боже.
00:01:42,320 --> 00:01:43,500 -Теперь гораздо лучше.
00:01:52,170 --> 00:01:54,490 -Это... огромное...
00:01:56,010 --> 00:01:58,870 -Это, должно быть, самая большая личинка, которую я когда-либо производил на свет.
00:02:00,660 --> 00:02:01,870 -Э...Эй, Шерон.
00:02:03,150 --> 00:02:04,620 -Шерон, ты должна это увидеть.
00:02:05,650 --> 00:02:06,520 -Ше-Шерон?..
00:02:07,470 --> 00:02:08,510 -Что такое Ренди, ты по...
00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:10,030 -О! Ренди!
00:02:10,210 --> 00:02:13,490 -Только посмотри на это. Это ли не самая большая куча говна, которую ты когда-либо видела?
00:02:13,540 --> 00:02:15,180 -Смой уже, ради всего святого!
00:02:15,250 --> 00:02:17,260 -Да ладно, это реально нечто!
00:02:17,350 --> 00:02:18,940 -Эй Стэн! Стэн.
00:02:19,230 --> 00:02:19,930 -Взгляни-ка.
00:02:20,500 --> 00:02:21,090 -Ренди?!.
00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:22,680 -Это все из жопы человеческой.
00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:24,060 -Не может быть!
00:02:24,180 --> 00:02:25,840 -Ага? Никогда такой большой не видел?
00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:27,040 -Нет, никогда.
00:02:27,100 --> 00:02:28,880 -Фу, Пап, говно!
00:02:29,300 --> 00:02:30,960 -Хорошо, можно уже это смыть?..
00:02:31,510 --> 00:02:33,240 -Я попробую, но не думаю что оно см...
00:02:33,590 --> 00:02:34,850 -Пого-Погодитека.
00:02:35,050 --> 00:02:36,480 -Мне нужно сперва Джимбо позвонить.
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:37,290 -Зачем?!
00:02:37,460 --> 00:02:38,830 -Он должен, это увидеть!
00:02:38,910 --> 00:02:40,950 -Нет, мы смоем это прямо сейчас!
00:02:41,030 --> 00:02:41,450 -НЕТ!
00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:45,960 -Джимбо должен увидеть, что бы я мог рассказать парням, на сколько большое оно было, и он подтвердил бы, что я не вру!
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,040 -О, господи всемилостивый, Ренди...
00:02:48,140 --> 00:02:49,380 -Шерон, это важно!
00:02:49,780 --> 00:02:52,550 -Стэн, иди позвони дяде Джимбо, пока я буду охранять.
00:02:57,710 --> 00:02:58,290 -Здорова парни!
00:02:58,510 --> 00:02:59,330 -Привет Ренди.
00:02:59,430 --> 00:03:00,150 -О, привет Ренди.
00:03:00,370 --> 00:03:01,520 -Лучше себя чувствуешь?
00:03:01,580 --> 00:03:03,220 -О да, я теперь в полном порядке.
00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:06,510 -Парны, вы должны были видеть того фекалёнка, которого Ренди родил вчера ночью.
00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:10,330 -Он был огромнейший, самое большое дерьмо, которое кто-либо когда-либо производил на свет!
00:03:10,430 --> 00:03:11,030 -Когда-либо!
00:03:11,070 --> 00:03:12,570 -Ну не знаю насчет когда-либо...
00:03:12,710 --> 00:03:15,710 -Я вам говорю, оно было размером с футбольный мяч!
00:03:15,870 --> 00:03:17,370 -Думаю, оно было довольно большим.
00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:19,560 -Футбольный мяч? Невероятно.
00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:21,150 -Я не разу не слышал о ТАКИХ размерах.
00:03:21,310 --> 00:03:23,050 -Огаога, мой брат однажды высрал такое.
00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:24,410 -Оно было просто нереальное!
00:03:24,550 --> 00:03:26,960 -Думаю, оно было самое гигантское за всю историю!
00:03:30,550 --> 00:03:32,230 -Оно не было таким огромным, как мое...
00:03:32,510 --> 00:03:35,430 -Не,не, серьезно. Это был фекальный монстр!
00:03:38,010 --> 00:03:39,910 -Мой... мой был больше...
00:03:40,710 --> 00:03:41,500 -Да ладно...
00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:44,220 -Хотите увидеть?
00:03:52,460 --> 00:03:54,170 -О, грёбаная сила...
00:03:54,370 --> 00:03:57,170 -Серьезно, это не могло родиться из твоей жопы.
00:03:57,270 --> 00:03:58,500 -Поверь мне, так и было
00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:00,960 -Проверьте на разрывы... это один целый кусок.
00:04:00,990 --> 00:04:01,900 -Иисусе...
00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:04,850 -Тада, чутка больше чем у твоего брата, Джеральд, ога?
00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:07,800 -Это... из другого мира!..
00:04:08,310 --> 00:04:14,260 -Ренди, ты звонил людям из "Книги рекордов Гинесса"? Я в смысле... это серьезно может быть самым большим куском говна в истории...
00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:16,990 -Поэтому мне нужно позаботиться о его сохранности.
00:04:19,990 --> 00:04:21,210 -Ренди Марш?!
00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:22,450 -Вот дерьмо!
00:04:22,890 --> 00:04:25,730 -О чем ты, чёрт подери, думаешь, храня это дерьмо в нашем доме?
00:04:25,840 --> 00:04:26,900 -Парни согласны со мной, Шерон.
00:04:26,990 --> 00:04:28,290 -Это возможно рекорд.
00:04:28,490 --> 00:04:31,820 -Почему мужики так волнуются по поводу того, насколько большая куча?
00:04:31,820 --> 00:04:31,950 Книга рекордов Гинесса Корпоративный офис. -Почему мужики так волнуются по поводу того, насколько большая куча?
00:04:31,950 --> 00:04:33,550 Книга рекордов Гинесса Корпоративный офис.
00:04:34,820 --> 00:04:37,600 -Книга рекордов Гинесса Америки. Чем я могу вам помочь?
00:04:39,420 --> 00:04:41,140 -Самая большая в мире куча говна?..
00:04:42,260 --> 00:04:45,520 -Мы, в общем-то, не отслеживаем достижения в этой области, сэр.
00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:48,690 -Потому что мы не хотим.
00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:53,920 -Послушайте, мы постоянно принимаем звонки от мужчин, которые считают, что породили самое большое в мире говно.
00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:57,150 -И мы просто не в силах отслеживать все поступающие заявки
00:04:57,500 --> 00:05:01,230 -Вам нужно позвонить в Европейский офис по Стандартизации и Исследованиям Фекалий в Цюрихе.
00:05:02,540 --> 00:05:03,730 -Пожалуйста.
00:05:04,420 --> 00:05:06,250 -Господи, еще один...
00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:09,740 -Книга рекордов Гинесса Америки.
00:05:09,990 --> 00:05:10,900 -А, да, здрасьте.
00:05:11,020 --> 00:05:12,450 -Меня зовут Ренди Марш
00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:15,690 -И я считаю, что высрал самое большое говно в мире.
00:05:18,070 --> 00:05:22,710 -Вам нужно позвонить в Европейский офис по Стандартизации и Исследованиям Фекалий в Цюрихе.
00:05:22,840 --> 00:05:25,470 -Их номер телефона находится у них на сайте.
00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:30,200 Европейский институт по Стандартизации и Исследованиям Фекалий в Цюрихе.
00:05:31,460 --> 00:05:33,010 -Президент, взгляните на это.
00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:35,940 -Это дерьмо прислали нам из Соединенных Штатов.
00:05:36,190 --> 00:05:37,590 -Очень мило.
00:05:38,580 --> 00:05:40,030 -Вы проверили на достоверность?
00:05:40,210 --> 00:05:41,540 -Похоже, что оно настоящие.
00:05:41,810 --> 00:05:42,890 -На основе фотографии
00:05:43,140 --> 00:05:46,580 -Мы предполагаем, что говно должно быть больше 8.5 говнокарат!
00:05:48,490 --> 00:05:49,710 -Нам лучше лететь.
00:05:50,030 --> 00:05:51,030 -Прямо сейчас.
00:05:56,130 --> 00:05:59,190 <i>Говорят по-шведски.</i>
00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:05,400 -Чем вы в основном питались, мистер Марш?
00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:07,300 -В основном "PFChunks"
00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:08,980 -Большой южный цыпленок,
00:06:09,380 --> 00:06:13,030 -И еще, много свежеразмороженных сасисок в тесте по утрам...
00:06:13,180 --> 00:06:15,870 -Я, похоже, обнаружил остатки капусты...
00:06:16,150 --> 00:06:17,630 -А, да, еще большое кол-во "camchy"
00:06:18,500 --> 00:06:20,900 -Вы, должно быть, шутите...
00:06:21,250 --> 00:06:23,010 -Эти парни из Цюриха, Шерон!
00:06:23,170 --> 00:06:24,330 -Они европейцы.
00:06:24,660 --> 00:06:27,250 -Это высококачественное говно, мистер Марш.
00:06:27,750 --> 00:06:29,700 -Ради господа милосердного!..
00:06:30,380 --> 00:06:34,520 -Ваше говно официально весит 8.6 говнокарат.
00:06:34,980 --> 00:06:36,060 -Говнокарат?
00:06:36,230 --> 00:06:38,530 -Это стандартная единица для измерения человеческих испражнений.
00:06:38,730 --> 00:06:42,270 -1 говнокарат соответствует 2.5 фунтам экскрементов (~1 кг)
00:06:42,450 --> 00:06:46,430 -Текущий рекорд, говнорекорд, весил 7.5 гавнокарат. (~ 7.5 кг)
00:06:47,290 --> 00:06:48,290 -Но тогда это значит...
00:06:48,510 --> 00:06:49,350 -Именно.
00:06:49,540 --> 00:06:51,800 -Вы - новый чемпион мира!
00:06:52,060 --> 00:06:52,780 -Правда?!
00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:54,170 -Вы имеете ввиду?..
00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:55,310 -СЕРЬЕЗНО?!
00:06:57,490 --> 00:07:00,010 -Эй, Стэн!!! Шерон!!!
00:07:00,180 --> 00:07:01,550 -ЭЙ ВСЕ!!!
00:07:02,550 --> 00:07:08,870 -Ну, я думаю, мы должны позвонить "бывшему" чемпиону, и сообщить ему, его рекорд, только что был перебит.
00:07:10,110 --> 00:07:12,010 -У него уже есть 22 Грэмми,
00:07:12,150 --> 00:07:13,870 -Бесчисленное количество наград за Человечность
00:07:14,020 --> 00:07:15,700 -И он единственный человек на земле
00:07:15,850 --> 00:07:20,690 -Который номинирован на награду академии, "Золотой глобус" и приз "Замечательный мир"
00:07:20,830 --> 00:07:21,790 -Дамы и господа.
00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:23,490 -Боно!
00:07:28,110 --> 00:07:28,920 -Спасибо.
00:07:29,010 --> 00:07:32,240 -Спасибо вам огромное за эту фуфловую награду, она очень много значит.
00:07:34,190 --> 00:07:37,290 -А, простите, должно быть мне хотят дать еще одну награду...
00:07:37,650 --> 00:07:37,900 -Да?
00:07:38,150 --> 00:07:44,700 -Да, Боно, мы хотим вам сообщить, что ваш рекорд за самую большую кучу говна был только что побит.
00:07:44,970 --> 00:07:45,510 -Что?!
00:07:45,710 --> 00:07:46,790 -Это не возможно!
00:07:47,020 --> 00:07:48,710 -Насколько большое оно было?!
00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:59,590 -Мы собрались здесь, что бы воздать почести, первому американцу.
00:07:59,780 --> 00:08:02,770 -За то, что он, получил ценнейшую награду от ЕСИФ.
00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:04,970 -За самое большое дерьмо, когда-либо высранное.
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:09,740 -Эй, смотри, Шерон, это президент!
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:11,300 -Эй, эй, Шерон?..
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:15,730 -Для вручения награды, я прошу подняться сюда главу ЕСИФ.
00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:17,300 -Сэр Орлаф Бролоу.
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,110 -Спасибо, сенатор.
00:08:22,780 --> 00:08:27,370 -Более 100 лет, Европейский институт по Стандартизации и Исследованию Фекалий...
00:08:27,470 --> 00:08:28,360 -Бролоу!
00:08:30,650 --> 00:08:31,610 -Это с половиной?..
00:08:32,170 --> 00:08:37,040 -Дамы и господа, похоже, что мы только что получили видеокассету с необычным сообщением...
00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:38,300 -От Боно.
00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:40,880 -О, Боно! -Клево!
00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:43,790 -Мы можем показать запись на большом экране, пожалуйста?
00:08:45,220 --> 00:08:46,420 -Всем привет!
00:08:46,490 --> 00:08:48,450 -Моя зовут Боно.
00:08:51,150 --> 00:08:53,790 -Приветикеприветикеприветике!!!
00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:02,590 -В течении многих лет, я был удостоен чести, пытаться привлечь внимание общественности к проблемам Африки.
00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:03,840 -И сегодня,
00:09:03,930 --> 00:09:05,850 -У меня есть очень волнующая новость.
00:09:06,010 --> 00:09:08,200 -Вчера ночью, в 20:20,
00:09:08,430 --> 00:09:12,240 -Я воздвигнул себе дерьмопамятник весом 9.5 говнокарат (~9.5 кг)
00:09:14,850 --> 00:09:15,820 -БОНО?!
00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:18,860 -Как вы видите, это один цельный кусок.
00:09:19,210 --> 00:09:21,190 -На сегодняшний день это мое самое большое фекаловыделение.
00:09:21,190 --> 00:09:21,220 -И я клянусь, что буду регулярно совершенствоваться. -На сегодняшний день это мое самое большое фекаловыделение.
00:09:21,220 --> 00:09:23,220 -И я клянусь, что буду регулярно совершенствоваться.
00:09:23,570 --> 00:09:24,390 -Спасибо.
00:09:24,490 --> 00:09:25,630 -И благослови вас Господь.
00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:29,330 -ОгаОгаОга!!!
00:09:31,510 --> 00:09:33,020 -Вы слышали дамы и господа!
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:36,380 -Официально самая большая какашка - 9.5 говнокарат!
00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:38,560 -Поздравляем Боно!
00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:43,250 -БОНО!
00:09:43,490 --> 00:09:44,030 -Уиииииииииии!
00:09:58,070 --> 00:09:58,580 -Пап...
00:10:00,270 --> 00:10:01,510 -По-моему, ужин уже готов.
00:10:01,820 --> 00:10:02,920 -Я почти сделал это...
00:10:04,610 --> 00:10:06,360 -Я почти сделал что-то сам...
00:10:07,790 --> 00:10:09,480 -Знаешь, когда ты подбираешься очень-очень близко...
00:10:09,940 --> 00:10:12,370 -Начинаешь думать, может, твоя жизнь имеет смысл...
00:10:15,020 --> 00:10:16,290 -В смысле...
00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:18,600 -Это было чем-то, что создал я.
00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:21,170 -Чем-то, что вышло из меня.
00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,300 -Это было частью меня.
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:27,050 -Единственная хорошая вещь, которую я когда-либо делал.
00:10:30,290 --> 00:10:32,290 -Боже...Спасибо большое, отец...
00:10:32,630 --> 00:10:33,370 -Пожалуйста,
00:10:33,460 --> 00:10:34,360 -И я просто...
00:10:34,490 --> 00:10:39,950 -Я знаю, что уже поздновато, но я раньше никогда не был так близко к тому, что бы иметь смысл жизни...
00:10:41,340 --> 00:10:43,020 -Пошли, ребята, лазанья готова.
00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:47,090 -Лазанья готова...
00:10:47,930 --> 00:10:49,010 -Слышал, Стэн?
00:10:49,530 --> 00:10:52,190 -Мама сказал "Лазанья готова".
00:10:52,370 --> 00:10:55,150 -Я чувствую твой сарказм, Шерон!
00:10:55,900 --> 00:10:57,120 -О чем ты?!
00:10:57,380 --> 00:10:58,740 -Можешь сказать это, Шерон.
00:10:59,050 --> 00:11:00,830 -Я знаю, что Боно лучше меня!
00:11:01,590 --> 00:11:03,670 -Прости, что я не Боно, хорошо?!
00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:07,670 -Прости, что у меня нет миллиардов долларов и кучи наград!
00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:09,890 -Рэнди, это смешно.
00:11:09,990 --> 00:11:12,080 -А, это действительно по-взрослому, Шерон!
00:11:12,210 --> 00:11:14,010 -Для тебя все смешно!
00:11:14,310 --> 00:11:16,090 -Большая шутка для тебя, не так ли?!
00:11:16,260 --> 00:11:17,500 -Просто большая шутка!
00:11:17,890 --> 00:11:19,280 -Не трогай меня!
00:11:21,100 --> 00:11:22,370 -Ты можешь поверить в это?..
00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:25,660 -Все это из-за того, что кто-то сделал большую кучу, чем он...
00:11:25,890 --> 00:11:27,040 -Ты не понимаешь, мам.
00:11:27,550 --> 00:11:29,090 -Ты просто не поймешь...
00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:31,070 -Чт..
00:11:31,390 --> 00:11:32,220 -Что...
00:11:40,620 --> 00:11:44,290 -Как они могли поверить этому Боно на основе фотографии его дерьма…
00:11:44,490 --> 00:11:46,350 -Потому что он Боно, вот почему.
00:11:46,590 --> 00:11:48,690 -Но он мог ее подделать, это не честно!
00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:49,870 -Уже не важно.
00:11:50,390 --> 00:11:52,600 -Рекорд теперь его, я больше ничего не могу сделать.
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,090 -О да, можешь!
00:11:55,570 --> 00:11:56,870 -Ты можешь сделать это еще раз.
00:11:57,090 --> 00:11:57,650 -Чего?
00:11:57,820 --> 00:11:58,460 -Подумай...
00:11:58,940 --> 00:12:01,730 -Ты даже не пытался вчера ночью повторить свой рекорд...
00:12:01,910 --> 00:12:04,280 -А представь, если бы ты попытался...
00:12:04,750 --> 00:12:06,340 -Ага, ага, точно.
00:12:07,020 --> 00:12:09,420 -Неет, я не могу еще раз через все это пройти.
00:12:09,700 --> 00:12:10,780 -Это слишком...
00:12:11,010 --> 00:12:11,870 -Да ладно, Ренди.
00:12:12,220 --> 00:12:14,400 -Спорю, что ты можешь еще раз насрать на рекорд, не напрягаясь.
00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:17,780 -Правильное питание, тренировки... Кто знает, что ты еще можешь высрать...
00:12:17,910 --> 00:12:18,790 -Парни! Забудьте!
00:12:19,170 --> 00:12:19,950 -Все кончено.
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:23,760 -Мне просто повезло, я никогда еще раз столько не высру!
00:12:23,900 --> 00:12:25,320 -Все кончено, Ренди?..
00:12:25,630 --> 00:12:27,720 -Мы все видели, твой памятник - нерукотворный.
00:12:27,730 --> 00:12:29,140 -Это было не везение...
00:12:29,590 --> 00:12:32,820 -Что-то внутри тебя, позволило тебе сделать это...
00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:34,890 -Ренди, у тебя есть дар...
00:12:35,270 --> 00:12:38,000 -Кто знает, почему Господь выбрал тебя, НО он выбрал!
00:12:38,140 --> 00:12:39,680 -И если ты уйдешь сейчас,
00:12:40,140 --> 00:12:42,140 -Ты всегда будешь спрашивать себя...
00:12:42,770 --> 00:12:45,020 -"Насколько большое говно я могу высрать?.."
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,420 -Мне понадобится колоссальная помощь...
00:12:49,620 --> 00:12:51,050 -Поэтому мы здесь...
00:12:51,230 --> 00:12:53,000 -Ну же, Ренди, что скажешь?
00:12:54,310 --> 00:12:55,560 -Я скажу...
00:12:57,020 --> 00:12:59,400 -Пусть Боно лучше гребет бабки...
00:12:59,540 --> 00:13:02,970 -Ага!!! -Молодец!!!
00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:09,500 -Это CNN, Горячие новости.
00:13:09,810 --> 00:13:12,260 -Сегодня вечером: Возможная атака на Иран
00:13:12,450 --> 00:13:15,320 -Возможно, это начало новой войны на Среднем Востоке.
00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:17,010 -О, нет.
00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:20,050 -Но сначала - рекорд на самую большую какашку
00:13:20,210 --> 00:13:21,610 -Может быть снова побит.
00:13:22,670 --> 00:13:26,590 -Ренди Марш, из Колорадо, начинает 3-х недельную подготовку для новой попытке создать дерьмо.
00:13:26,710 --> 00:13:29,930 -Все свободное время он проводит в PFChunks
00:13:30,950 --> 00:13:32,470 -Это действительно НОВОСТЬ?..
00:13:33,210 --> 00:13:34,910 -Ты просто не понимаешь.
00:13:35,540 --> 00:13:37,250 -Ты прав, я не понимаю.
00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:43,360 -В то же время некоторые люди задаются вопросом, действительно ли Боно установил рекорд, мотивируя это, тем, что никто не видел "рекорд" лично
00:13:43,770 --> 00:13:47,680 -Боно сейчас не может прокоментировать эти слухи, так как, он в данный момент находится в Африке, помогая негросам.
00:13:48,570 --> 00:13:54,300 -Да-да-да-да-да!!!
00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:57,030 -Привет, привеет!
00:13:57,740 --> 00:14:00,180 -Марш снова пытается побить рекорд.
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:01,620 -Мы подумали, что ты должен знать.
00:14:02,310 --> 00:14:04,390 -Он не сможет побить мои 9.5 говнокарат.
00:14:04,860 --> 00:14:06,510 -Ну, он, по крайней мере, попытается
00:14:06,950 --> 00:14:09,850 -Хорошо, но он должен сделать это прямо перед вами,
00:14:10,030 --> 00:14:11,210 -В Цюрихе.
00:14:11,490 --> 00:14:13,950 -Боно, у нас раньше не было таких правил .
00:14:14,190 --> 00:14:16,170 -Это единственный способ проверить, что он не жульничает.
00:14:16,260 --> 00:14:19,210 -Если он не посрет в Цюрихе, это не должно засчитываться.
00:14:22,330 --> 00:14:26,220 -Ультразвук - это очень просто мистер Марш. Это безболезненный способ заглянуть вам в живот.
00:14:26,380 --> 00:14:28,870 -Для начала я намажу вас специальным гелем...
00:14:30,820 --> 00:14:31,940 -Хорошо, теперь глубоко вдохните.
00:14:33,490 --> 00:14:35,120 -Теперь я вижу говно.
00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:37,990 -Не могу сказать точно, но оно похоже весит около...
00:14:38,510 --> 00:14:40,360 -14 говнокарат.
00:14:40,510 --> 00:14:41,650 -14?!
00:14:41,830 --> 00:14:42,810 -Это отлично, Ренди!
00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:44,180 -Я мо-могу его увидеть?
00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:44,800 -Конечно.
00:14:44,950 --> 00:14:46,050 -Это ваша прямая кишка,
00:14:46,190 --> 00:14:49,500 -А здесь видно, как фекаленок, растет внутри вашего животика.
00:15:04,620 --> 00:15:05,680 -Парни, у нас проблема.
00:15:05,930 --> 00:15:09,620 -Я говорил с ЕСИФ, и они сказали, что Ренди должен просраться в Цюрихе.
00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:11,150 -В Цюрихе?
00:15:11,230 --> 00:15:13,960 -Они сказали - Боно настаивал, и что у них связаны руки.
00:15:14,140 --> 00:15:18,080 -Простите мистер Марш, но я не рекомендую вам лететь на самолете в вашем положении...
00:15:18,380 --> 00:15:20,980 -Это небезопасно - летать во время триместра.
00:15:27,830 --> 00:15:30,020 -Здравствуйте, я могу поговорить с мистером Боно, пожалуйста?
00:15:30,590 --> 00:15:33,150 -Мистер Боно, к вам юный джентльмен.
00:15:34,450 --> 00:15:37,570 -О-да, да, да, да!!
00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:40,580 -Приготовь реактивный самолет, Белвис, пора лететь.
00:15:41,980 --> 00:15:43,320 -Здрасьте, меня зовут Стен Марш.
00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:45,420 -Мой отец пытается побить ваш рекорд - самую большую какашку в мире.
00:15:45,670 --> 00:15:46,460 -Ах, да.
00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:48,600 -Он не может лететь в Цюрих, я прав?..
00:15:48,810 --> 00:15:50,130 -Вот поэтому как бы я тут.
00:15:50,430 --> 00:15:52,410 -Вам действительно нужен этот рекорд?
00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:55,480 -Может как-нибудь можно отдать первенство моему отцу?
00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:57,510 -Отдать ему?..
00:15:57,910 --> 00:15:59,320 -С чего бы мне это делать?
00:15:59,590 --> 00:16:01,360 -Послушайте, вы должны понять, сэр.
00:16:01,450 --> 00:16:03,350 -Мой отец не разу не выигрывал каких-либо наград.
00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:04,350 -Никогда.
00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:06,220 -У него даже нет самой захудалой грамоты.
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:10,550 -В смысле, даже у меня есть куча всяких грамот за вторые-третьи места за разное.
00:16:11,620 --> 00:16:13,460 -А у меня первое место за это...
00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:17,240 -Вам мало?..
00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:22,910 -В смысле... у вас тонны денег, самолет, суперпопулярная группа, красавица жена,
00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:24,650 -В чем-то вы можете просто...
00:16:24,740 --> 00:16:26,210 -Нах*й пойти?..
00:16:26,230 --> 00:16:28,210 -Я хочу, чтобы люди знали - я чего-то стою,
00:16:28,350 --> 00:16:29,260 -Что я что-то значу.
00:16:29,770 --> 00:16:31,940 -Все что я прошу - может, хотя бы в одной вещи
00:16:32,150 --> 00:16:33,750 -Вы позволите моему отцу быть первым?..
00:16:33,970 --> 00:16:35,470 -А вы все равно можете быть номером 2!
00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:37,580 -Номером 2?
00:16:37,980 --> 00:16:39,650 -НОМЕРОМ ДВА?!
00:16:40,850 --> 00:16:43,150 -Никто больше меня так не зовет! И тебе придется смириться с этим!
00:16:43,510 --> 00:16:44,530 -Возьми слова назад!
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,700 -ВОЗЬМИ ИХ НАЗАД!
00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:47,360 -Я беру их назад!
00:16:47,620 --> 00:16:48,740 -СКАЖИ ЧТО Я НЕ НОМЕР ДВА!
00:16:48,860 --> 00:16:49,720 -Вы не номер 2!..
00:16:50,150 --> 00:16:51,050 -Вот именно!
00:16:51,150 --> 00:16:52,000 -Совсем нет!
00:16:57,430 --> 00:16:58,700 -Да что не так с этим парнем?
00:16:59,420 --> 00:17:01,290 -Ваш отец в серьезной опасности.
00:17:01,460 --> 00:17:02,480 -Иди со мной.
00:17:05,230 --> 00:17:08,040 Европейский институт по Стандартизации и Исследованиям Фекалий в Цюрихе
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,190 -Это должно быть то еще говно.
00:17:22,850 --> 00:17:25,060 -Давай Ренди. Тужься!
00:17:31,230 --> 00:17:33,270 -О чем вы говорите?! Откуда вы знаете, что мой отец погибнет?!
00:17:33,580 --> 00:17:36,600 -Потому что никто еще не высирал такую какашку раньше!
00:17:36,930 --> 00:17:38,560 -Так, значит, новый рекорд Боно - фальшивка?
00:17:38,890 --> 00:17:43,710 -Слушай, я заметил, что что-то не так, когда впервые увидел первую награду Боно за самое большое в мире говно.
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:46,320 -Там было написано, что он получил её в 1960 году.
00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:47,050 -Ну и?
00:17:47,350 --> 00:17:49,980 -В этом году родился сам Боно!
00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:51,870 -Тогда мне все стало ясно.
00:17:52,190 --> 00:17:56,660 -Как Боно, может быть настолько талантливым, настолько заботливым, а вести себя как кусок говна?..
00:17:57,150 --> 00:17:59,090 -Потому что он и есть говно!
00:17:59,350 --> 00:18:00,130 -Разве ты не видишь?
00:18:00,490 --> 00:18:02,600 -Боно не тот, кто установил рекорд.
00:18:04,690 --> 00:18:06,160 -Он - сам рекорд?..
00:18:06,590 --> 00:18:07,540 -Да.
00:18:12,740 --> 00:18:13,840 -Я не могу это сделать!
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:15,480 -Я не могу это сделать...
00:18:15,570 --> 00:18:17,490 -Какашка просто слишком большая, мистер Марш.
00:18:17,710 --> 00:18:19,570 -Мы должны прибегнуть к кесареву сечению...
00:18:19,980 --> 00:18:21,930 -Но это... это все равно считается?
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:22,890 -О нет!
00:18:23,150 --> 00:18:25,820 -Самая большая какашка значит - что ты ее высрал.
00:18:26,070 --> 00:18:27,660 -Похоже, что это так.
00:18:28,010 --> 00:18:29,610 -Мы просим прощения, мистер Марш, но,
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:32,310 -Если вы не можете высрать его,
00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:34,670 -Тогда это не настоящее дерьмо.
00:18:34,950 --> 00:18:35,790 -Неет...
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:38,430 -Неееет....
00:18:38,630 --> 00:18:39,800 -Ну что ты, Ренди...
00:18:40,330 --> 00:18:41,920 -Ты сделал все что мог.
00:18:42,130 --> 00:18:42,990 -Я хочу увидеть жену,
00:18:43,170 --> 00:18:43,780 -Шерон?
00:18:44,260 --> 00:18:45,160 -Шерон?!
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:46,780 -Что?
00:18:47,230 --> 00:18:48,510 -Прости меня, Шерон.
00:18:49,270 --> 00:18:50,960 -Прости, что подвел тебя.
00:18:51,710 --> 00:18:53,850 -Прости, что не могу дристать, как Боно.
00:18:54,730 --> 00:18:58,710 -Примите наше поздравления Боно, похоже, что ваш рекорд остается не побитым.
00:18:58,930 --> 00:19:00,260 -Я так и думал.
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:01,900 -Подождите, стойте!
00:19:02,430 --> 00:19:03,950 -Пап, твое старое говно считается!
00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:06,090 -Боно никогда не срал второй раз, что бы побить твое!
00:19:07,250 --> 00:19:08,380 -Уведите его отсюда!
00:19:08,570 --> 00:19:10,880 -О чем это вы, молодой человек?
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:12,700 -У кое-кого скелет в шкафу.
00:19:12,710 --> 00:19:14,540 -Боно никогда не был рекордсменом.
00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:16,020 -Он и есть рекорд!
00:19:17,360 --> 00:19:18,500 -Это не правда!
00:19:18,670 --> 00:19:21,010 -Убейте щенка! Я хочу, чтобы он сдох!
00:19:21,390 --> 00:19:23,530 -Уже слишком поздно, Боно.
00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:26,050 -Мальчик познал правду.
00:19:26,140 --> 00:19:28,930 -Ол Бролоф, а что вы знаете об этом?
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:30,740 -Боюсь это правда.
00:19:30,850 --> 00:19:36,260 -Видите ли, пока не появился мистер Марш, Я был рекордсменом за самую большую какашку в мире.
00:19:36,650 --> 00:19:38,570 -Я получил его в 1960 году.
00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:41,540 -Это была самая необычная какашка, какую я когда-либо высирал.
00:19:41,590 --> 00:19:42,450 -Папа, нет!
00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:43,990 -Не говори больше ничего!
00:19:44,910 --> 00:19:46,140 -Подойди ко мне, мо...
00:19:46,220 --> 00:19:47,810 -Моё дорогое, прелестное дитя...
00:19:53,740 --> 00:19:56,830 -После того как я установил рекорд, я забрал говно домой.
00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:58,710 -Я был им так горд, что...
00:19:58,830 --> 00:20:00,400 -Что решил оставить его.
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:02,220 -Попытаться вырастить его, как ребенка
00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:03,730 -Нет, папа...
00:20:04,020 --> 00:20:05,310 -Нет, папа...
00:20:05,390 --> 00:20:07,160 -Ну успокойся, моя маленькая какашка.
00:20:07,210 --> 00:20:08,450 -Не плачь.
00:20:08,980 --> 00:20:10,850 -Вот, хочешь сисеньку?
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:13,350 -Боно хочет сиську?
00:20:15,940 --> 00:20:17,760 -Да, он любит сиську, любит же?
00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:20,330 -Чувак...
00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:22,150 -Я держал говно в своем офисе.
00:20:22,290 --> 00:20:22,840 -Растил его.
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:23,920 -Кормил его грудью.
00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:26,170 -И вскоре сиська сделала его сильным.
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:27,750 -Сиська вырастила его!
00:20:28,010 --> 00:20:30,730 -В одну из замечательнейших личностей всех времен!
00:20:30,970 --> 00:20:33,320 -Легче Боно, ты делаешь больно сисяндричке.
00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:34,750 -Сися...
00:20:36,030 --> 00:20:38,470 -Мое говно, превзошло многих.
00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:41,380 -Но он некогда не мог принять тот факт, что он был на самом деле
00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:43,070 -Номером вторым.
00:20:43,310 --> 00:20:45,700 -Поэтому он посвятил свою жизнь тому, чтобы стать номером 1.
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:46,900 -Во всем.
00:20:47,290 --> 00:20:48,680 -Поэтому он столько сделал...
00:20:48,940 --> 00:20:50,250 -Пытался помочь всем людям на земле...
00:20:50,590 --> 00:20:52,500 -Но все равно выглядел как кусок говна.
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:56,070 -Ты опозорил светлое имя нашего почетного общества!
00:20:56,120 --> 00:20:56,960 -Неужели?!
00:20:57,190 --> 00:20:59,380 -Посмотрите на это говно, которое я высрал многие годы назад!
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:04,060 -Боно почти 6футов ростом. И больше 80 говнокарат в весе!
00:21:04,100 --> 00:21:07,260 -Не смотря на то, как вы к этому относитесь, Он до сих пор рекорд!
00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:09,760 -О боже, вот оно!
00:21:11,290 --> 00:21:13,160 -Атататататата!
00:21:21,030 --> 00:21:22,510 -Боже мой...
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:24,960 -Оно должно быть больше сотни говнокарат!
00:21:25,420 --> 00:21:26,390 -Пап, ты в порядке?
00:21:26,610 --> 00:21:27,550 -Да я...
00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:29,120 -В порядке...
00:21:29,550 --> 00:21:30,900 -Чувствую себя гораздо лучше.
00:21:31,110 --> 00:21:31,770 -Мистер Марш,
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:34,650 -Мы извиняемся, и если вы позволите...
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:36,280 -Мы хотим вручить вам,
00:21:36,370 --> 00:21:38,860 -Ваш полностью заслуженный приз...

00:00:08,843 --> 00:00:09,969 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
00:00:10,094 --> 00:00:11,762 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
00:00:11,887 --> 00:00:13,639 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:15,391 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:16,517 ♪ Going down to South Park ♪
00:00:16,642 --> 00:00:18,477 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:18,602 --> 00:00:20,229 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:21,814 ♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪
00:00:21,939 --> 00:00:23,190 ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
00:00:23,315 --> 00:00:24,984 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:30,197 ♪ Come on down to South Park ♪
00:00:30,322 --> 00:00:31,699 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
00:00:35,911 --> 00:00:37,329 Ugh...
00:00:37,455 --> 00:00:39,165 Brawghghh...
00:00:39,290 --> 00:00:40,833 Well, there's no doubt in my mind, Mr. Marsh.
00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:42,835 You are constipated.
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,503 Thanks for the news flash.
00:00:44,628 --> 00:00:47,214 I haven't taken a crap in over three weeks.
00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:49,216 The question is: why?
00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:50,926 Well, what food have you been eating?
00:00:51,052 --> 00:00:52,553 <i>P.F. Chang's</i> mostly.
00:00:52,678 --> 00:00:54,096 Good stuff.
00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:56,098 I'm going to prescribe a laxative.
00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:58,225 But I must warn you,
00:00:58,350 --> 00:01:00,352 when you do finally pass this stool,
00:01:00,478 --> 00:01:03,064 it might be very painful.
00:01:03,189 --> 00:01:05,399 How painful is painful?
00:01:05,524 --> 00:01:08,319 Hurhgghghgh...
00:01:08,444 --> 00:01:09,320 Hurhghghgghgh...
00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:17,036 Hurhghghghh...
00:01:17,161 --> 00:01:19,163 Oh, God, oh, here it comes.
00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:22,291 Ahghggh aahghhghggh ahghghghgghgh...
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:23,334 Oh, hot!
00:01:23,459 --> 00:01:25,628 Oh, hot, hot, hot, hot...
00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:28,005 Ahahghghggh!
00:01:28,130 --> 00:01:28,631 Ahghgghghghghgh!
00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:30,049 Oh, hot!
00:01:30,174 --> 00:01:32,384 Oh, hot, hot, hot, hot...
00:01:32,510 --> 00:01:33,427 Ahhghgh!
00:01:33,552 --> 00:01:34,637 Ahghh...
00:01:37,389 --> 00:01:39,934 Oh, it's over, it's over.
00:01:40,059 --> 00:01:44,188 Oh, God, I feel so much better.
00:01:44,313 --> 00:01:45,397 Oh.
00:01:49,568 --> 00:01:51,237 Wow.
00:01:51,362 --> 00:01:54,323 That is huge.
00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:59,787 That has got to be the biggest crap I've ever taken.
00:01:59,912 --> 00:02:02,039 Hey-- hey, Sharon.
00:02:02,164 --> 00:02:05,459 Sharon, you gotta come see this.
00:02:05,584 --> 00:02:06,794 Sh-Sharon?
00:02:06,919 --> 00:02:07,920 What is it, Randy?
00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:09,797 Do you have any-- oh, Randy!
00:02:09,922 --> 00:02:11,507 Will you look at that?
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,592 Is that the biggest crap you've ever seen or what?
00:02:13,717 --> 00:02:15,094 Flush the toilet, for Christ's sake!
00:02:15,219 --> 00:02:17,054 Come on, that's pretty impressive.
00:02:17,179 --> 00:02:18,347 Hey, Stan!
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,099 Stan, look at this.
00:02:20,224 --> 00:02:21,350 Randy!
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:23,060 Look what your old man made.
00:02:23,185 --> 00:02:24,520 No way! - Huh?
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:25,938 Never seen one that big, have you?
00:02:26,063 --> 00:02:26,772 No, never.
00:02:26,897 --> 00:02:28,816 Gross, Dad, sick!
00:02:28,941 --> 00:02:30,693 All right, will you flush the toilet now?
00:02:30,818 --> 00:02:33,028 I'll try, but I don't think--
00:02:33,154 --> 00:02:34,822 Wait, wait, wait, wait a minute.
00:02:34,947 --> 00:02:35,739 I gotta call Jimbo first.
00:02:35,865 --> 00:02:37,116 Why?!
00:02:37,241 --> 00:02:38,534 He's got to see this.
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:40,661 No, we are flushing the toilet right now.
00:02:40,786 --> 00:02:42,246 No, Jimbo has to see it
00:02:42,371 --> 00:02:43,747 so when I tell all the guys how big it was
00:02:43,873 --> 00:02:45,666 they'll know I'm not lying!
00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:47,626 Oh, for the love of God, Randy!
00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:49,670 Sharon, this is important!
00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:51,130 Stan, go call your Uncle Jimbo.
00:02:51,255 --> 00:02:53,174 I'm gonna stand guard.
00:02:56,594 --> 00:02:58,095 Hey, guys.
00:02:58,220 --> 00:02:59,597 Hey, Randy. - Oh, hey, Randy.
00:02:59,722 --> 00:03:01,140 Are you feeling better?
00:03:01,265 --> 00:03:02,725 Yeah, no, I'm totally fine now.
00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:04,476 You guys should have seen
00:03:04,602 --> 00:03:06,187 the crap Randy took last night.
00:03:06,312 --> 00:03:08,272 It was honestly the biggest crap
00:03:08,397 --> 00:03:10,357 anyone has ever taken ever.
00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:12,067 Oh, I don't know about ever.
00:03:12,193 --> 00:03:13,444 I'm telling you this thing
00:03:13,569 --> 00:03:15,571 was the size of a freaking football.
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,489 I guess it was pretty big.
00:03:17,615 --> 00:03:18,490 A football?
00:03:18,616 --> 00:03:19,825 Well, that's amazing.
00:03:19,950 --> 00:03:21,660 I've never heard of one that big.
00:03:21,785 --> 00:03:23,913 No, no, my brother took a crap once that was enormous.
00:03:24,038 --> 00:03:25,456 It was the biggest
00:03:25,581 --> 00:03:26,582 in the history of the world, I think.
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:29,335 Ha-ha ha - Ha-ha-ha.
00:03:29,460 --> 00:03:32,671 It wasn't bigger than mine was.
00:03:32,796 --> 00:03:35,174 No, no, seriously, this crap was a monster!
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:39,929 Mine... Mine was bigger.
00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:41,430 I doubt it.
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:45,351 You wanna see it?
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,443 Oh, my freaking Lord.
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,820 That did not seriously come out of your ass.
00:03:56,946 --> 00:03:58,322 Oh, yes it did.
00:03:58,447 --> 00:03:59,657 Go ahead and check it for splits.
00:03:59,782 --> 00:04:00,991 It's one solid piece.
00:04:01,116 --> 00:04:02,159 Jesus.
00:04:02,284 --> 00:04:03,702 That, uh, a little bigger than
00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:05,120 your brother's there, Gerald?
00:04:05,246 --> 00:04:08,457 It's... otherworldly.
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:09,708 Randy, have you called the people from
00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:11,335 <i>Guinness Book of World Records</i>?
00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:12,753 I mean, this might seriously be
00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:14,755 the biggest crap in history.
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:18,259 That's why I gotta make sure to keep it safe.
00:04:19,260 --> 00:04:21,387 Randy Marsh.
00:04:21,512 --> 00:04:22,972 Oh, crap!
00:04:23,097 --> 00:04:24,348 What the hell do you think you're doing
00:04:24,473 --> 00:04:25,766 keeping that thing in our house?!
00:04:25,891 --> 00:04:26,934 The guys agree, Sharon.
00:04:27,059 --> 00:04:28,602 It could be a record holder.
00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:31,438 Why are men so obsessed with how big their crap is?!
00:04:34,525 --> 00:04:36,402 <i>Guinness World Records America.</i>
00:04:36,527 --> 00:04:38,112 How can I help you?
00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:41,949 The biggest crap?
00:04:42,074 --> 00:04:46,620 We actually don't keep track of that record, sir.
00:04:46,745 --> 00:04:49,707 Because we don't want to.
00:04:49,832 --> 00:04:52,084 Look, we get calls from men all the time
00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:53,794 who believe they took the biggest crap,
00:04:53,919 --> 00:04:55,087 and we simply can't handle
00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:57,131 all the measuring and verification.
00:04:57,256 --> 00:04:58,924 You need to call
00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:00,926 "The European Fecal Standards and Measurements Office"
00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:02,553 in Zurich.
00:05:02,678 --> 00:05:04,555 You're welcome.
00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:06,432 Jeez, another one.
00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:09,685 <i>Guinness World Records America.</i>
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:12,146 Uh, yes, hello, my name is Randy Marsh,
00:05:12,271 --> 00:05:16,567 and I believe I took the world's biggest crap.
00:05:18,152 --> 00:05:19,653 You need to call
00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:21,363 "The European Fecal Standards and Measurements Office"
00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:22,906 in Zurich.
00:05:23,032 --> 00:05:25,701 Their number is listed on their website.
00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:33,125 Heir president, take a look at this.
00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:35,294 It is a crap sent to us from the United States.
00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:37,796 Very nice.
00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:39,465 Has it been checked for accuracy?
00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:41,300 It appears to be legitimate.
00:05:41,425 --> 00:05:43,844 Based on the photo, we estimate that the crap
00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:46,847 is over 8 and a half <i>courics</i>!
00:05:46,972 --> 00:05:51,060 We better get on a plane right away.
00:05:55,939 --> 00:05:57,524 <i>Hmm, ern snussen</i>?
00:05:57,649 --> 00:05:59,443 <i>Brier en snussen aitch.</i>
00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:05,240 What was your primary diet for this poo, Mr. Marsh?
00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:07,117 Mostly <i>P.F. Chang's,</i>
00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:09,787 General Tso's chicken, and then a lot of
00:06:09,912 --> 00:06:13,123 <i>Aunt Jemima</i> frozen sausage biscuits in the mornings.
00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:15,793 I believe I detect some cabbage as well?
00:06:15,918 --> 00:06:17,836 Oh, yes, I had a lot of kimchi.
00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:20,798 You have got to be kidding me.
00:06:20,923 --> 00:06:22,841 These guys are from Zurich, Sharon!
00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:24,093 They're Europeans!
00:06:24,218 --> 00:06:26,678 It is a tremendous crap, Mr. Marsh.
00:06:26,804 --> 00:06:29,098 For the love of God.
00:06:29,223 --> 00:06:34,019 Your crap officially weighs 8.6 courics.
00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:35,604 Courics?
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:38,148 The standard measuring unit for human feces.
00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:40,109 One Katie Couric is approximately
00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:42,236 2 and a half pounds of excrement.
00:06:42,361 --> 00:06:45,906 The current record is a crap weighing 7.5 courics.
00:06:46,031 --> 00:06:47,658 But that means...
00:06:47,783 --> 00:06:49,076 That's right.
00:06:49,201 --> 00:06:51,370 You are the new world champion!
00:06:51,495 --> 00:06:52,579 Really?!
00:06:52,704 --> 00:06:54,373 You mean-- really?!
00:06:57,209 --> 00:06:59,086 Hey, Stan! Hey, Sharon!
00:06:59,211 --> 00:07:01,255 Hey, everybody!
00:07:01,380 --> 00:07:04,508 Well, I guess we better call the old champion
00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:08,762 and let him know his record has just been broken.
00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:11,682 He has won 22 Grammys,
00:07:11,807 --> 00:07:13,392 countless humanitarian awards,
00:07:13,517 --> 00:07:15,894 and is the only person ever to be nominated
00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:17,229 for an Academy Award,
00:07:17,354 --> 00:07:19,940 a Golden Globe, and the Nobel Peace Prize.
00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:22,901 Ladies and gentlemen, Bono.
00:07:26,697 --> 00:07:28,282 Thank you.
00:07:28,407 --> 00:07:29,908 Thank you so much for this newest award.
00:07:30,033 --> 00:07:31,660 It means so much.
00:07:33,454 --> 00:07:34,496 Oh, excuse me.
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:36,165 I must be getting another award.
00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:37,249 Yes?
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:38,667 Yes, Bono, sir,
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,419 We wish to inform you that your record
00:07:40,544 --> 00:07:44,089 for biggest crap has just been broken.
00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:45,215 What?!
00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:46,633 That's impossible!
00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:48,635 How big was it?!
00:07:56,602 --> 00:07:57,853 We are here to honor
00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:00,063 the first American to bring home
00:08:00,189 --> 00:08:02,691 the distinguished E.F.S.M. Medal
00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,985 for "biggest crap ever taken."
00:08:07,446 --> 00:08:09,072 Hey, look, Sharon, it's the president!
00:08:09,198 --> 00:08:10,908 Hey, hey, Sharon.
00:08:11,033 --> 00:08:12,910 To present the award,
00:08:13,035 --> 00:08:15,370 I give you the dean of the E.F.S.M.,
00:08:15,496 --> 00:08:17,247 Sir Orlaf Brolof.
00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:22,419 Thank you, senator.
00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:24,296 For over 100 years now,
00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:26,965 the European Fecal Standards and Measures--
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:29,510 Heir Brolof, Heir Brolof!
00:08:30,636 --> 00:08:31,887 <i>Desh pointen auf</i>?
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,639 Ladies and gentlemen, I understand we have
00:08:33,764 --> 00:08:36,225 just received a special video-taped announcement
00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:38,810 from Bono!
00:08:38,936 --> 00:08:40,896 Bono! - Oh, Bono! - Oh, cool!
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:44,024 Could we play the tape on the big screen, please?
00:08:44,149 --> 00:08:45,943 Hello, everyone.
00:08:46,068 --> 00:08:49,029 I am Bono.
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:52,199 ♪ Hello hello ♪
00:08:52,324 --> 00:08:53,784 ♪ Hello hello ♪
00:08:53,909 --> 00:08:56,537 ♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪
00:08:58,205 --> 00:09:00,374 For years, it has been my honor to try
00:09:00,499 --> 00:09:02,543 and bring focus to the needs in Africa,
00:09:02,668 --> 00:09:05,671 and today I have very exciting news.
00:09:05,796 --> 00:09:08,131 Last night, at 20 past 8:00,
00:09:08,257 --> 00:09:11,885 I took a crap weighing 9 and a half courics.
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,681 Bono?
00:09:15,806 --> 00:09:18,642 As you can see, it is one solid piece.
00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:20,852 It is my biggest crap to date.
00:09:20,978 --> 00:09:23,230 And I swear to its authenticity.
00:09:23,355 --> 00:09:25,566 Thank you and God bless.
00:09:25,691 --> 00:09:28,318 ♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:32,948 You heard it, ladies and gentlemen!
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:36,368 The official biggest crap is 9.5 courics!
00:09:36,493 --> 00:09:38,662 Congratulations to Bono!
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:43,041 Bono!
00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:44,167 Woo!
00:09:57,222 --> 00:09:59,474 Dad, um...
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:01,893 I think dinner's almost ready.
00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:04,187 I almost did it.
00:10:04,313 --> 00:10:07,608 I almost made something of myself.
00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:09,735 You know when you get real close,
00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:10,777 you start to think that
00:10:10,902 --> 00:10:13,739 maybe your life is going to matter.
00:10:13,864 --> 00:10:18,910 I mean, this was something I made,
00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:21,121 something that came from me,
00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:23,582 that was a part of me.
00:10:23,707 --> 00:10:27,794 The only thing I ever made that was any good.
00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:32,090 Gee... Thanks a lot, dad.
00:10:32,215 --> 00:10:33,592 You're welcome.
00:10:33,717 --> 00:10:36,219 And I just... I know that this late in my life
00:10:36,345 --> 00:10:41,016 I'll never come so close to finally having meaning.
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:44,102 Come on, guys, lasagna's ready.
00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:47,814 Oh, lasagna's ready.
00:10:47,939 --> 00:10:49,316 You hear that, Stan?
00:10:49,441 --> 00:10:52,361 Mom says lasagna is ready.
00:10:52,486 --> 00:10:55,489 I can see through your sarcasm, Sharon.
00:10:55,614 --> 00:10:56,990 What are you talking about?
00:10:57,115 --> 00:10:58,742 You can say it, Sharon.
00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:00,869 I know Bono is better than me!
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:04,081 I'm sorry I'm not Bono, all right?!
00:11:04,206 --> 00:11:05,624 I'm sorry I don't have billions of dollars
00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:07,959 and a Nobel-Prize nomination!
00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:09,878 Randy, this is ridiculous.
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,172 Oh, that's real mature, Sharon.
00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:14,299 Just act like everything is funny.
00:11:14,424 --> 00:11:16,051 It's a big joke to you, isn't it?
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:17,719 Just a big joke!
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:19,388 Don't touch me!
00:11:19,513 --> 00:11:22,599 Can you believe him?
00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:25,811 All this over what guy took the biggest crap!
00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:27,479 You don't understand, Mom.
00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:29,022 You just don't understand.
00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:31,983 Wha-wha...
00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:38,323 ♪ The longest goodbye... ♪
00:11:40,242 --> 00:11:41,660 How come they just let that Bono guy
00:11:41,785 --> 00:11:44,079 send a picture of his crap?
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,081 'Cause he's Bono, that's why.
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:47,374 But he could have faked it.
00:11:47,499 --> 00:11:48,500 It isn't fair.
00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:49,876 Doesn't matter.
00:11:50,001 --> 00:11:51,002 He's got the record now.
00:11:51,128 --> 00:11:52,754 There's nothing I can do.
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:54,965 Oh, yes, there is.
00:11:55,090 --> 00:11:56,341 You can do it again.
00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:57,426 What?
00:11:57,551 --> 00:11:59,052 Think about it.
00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:00,137 You weren't even trying to take
00:12:00,262 --> 00:12:01,888 the biggest crap last time.
00:12:02,013 --> 00:12:04,433 Imagine if you actually worked at it.
00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:05,976 Hey, hey, that's right.
00:12:06,101 --> 00:12:07,477 No.
00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:09,312 I can't go through all that again.
00:12:09,438 --> 00:12:10,313 It's too much.
00:12:10,439 --> 00:12:12,065 Come on, Randy.
00:12:12,190 --> 00:12:14,109 I'll bet you can crap that big again easy!
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:15,902 With the right diet and training,
00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:17,446 who knows what you're capable of?!
00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:18,488 Guys, forget it!
00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:19,990 It's over.
00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:21,158 It was a fluke crap.
00:12:21,283 --> 00:12:23,535 I'll never take one that big again.
00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:25,245 Is it over, Randy?
00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:27,164 We all saw that crap you took.
00:12:27,289 --> 00:12:28,915 That was no fluke.
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:33,003 There's something inside you that made you able to do it.
00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:34,921 Randy, you have a gift.
00:12:35,046 --> 00:12:37,591 Now, who knows why God chose you, but he did.
00:12:37,716 --> 00:12:39,176 And if you walk away now,
00:12:39,301 --> 00:12:43,013 you'll always wonder how big a crap
00:12:43,138 --> 00:12:45,974 you could have taken.
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:49,186 I would need a lot of help.
00:12:49,311 --> 00:12:50,854 That's what we're here for.
00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:53,523 Come on, Randy, what do you say?!
00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:56,026 I say...
00:12:56,151 --> 00:12:59,571 Let's give Bono a run for his money.
00:12:59,696 --> 00:13:01,656 Yeah! All right, Randy!
00:13:01,782 --> 00:13:04,201 Yeah!
00:13:04,326 --> 00:13:05,660 Yeah!
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:09,289 This is <i>CNN Headline News.</i>
00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:11,500 Tonight, a possible attack on Iran
00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:14,878 may mean the beginning of a new war in the Middle East.
00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:16,713 Oh, no.
00:13:16,838 --> 00:13:19,716 But first, the record for the world's biggest crap.
00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:21,176 Will it again be broken?
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:22,719 Ugh!
00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:24,429 Randy Marsh of Colorado is now three weeks
00:13:24,554 --> 00:13:26,431 into his quest to make a new crap,
00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:30,143 spending nearly every waking hour at <i>P.F. Chang's.</i>
00:13:30,268 --> 00:13:32,187 Is this really news worthy?
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:34,439 You just don't understand.
00:13:34,564 --> 00:13:37,025 You're right, I don't.
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,777 At the same time, some people are questioning
00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:40,445 Bono's current record entry,
00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:43,448 saying, nobody has ever seen it in person.
00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:45,116 Bono could not be reached for comment
00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:47,744 as he is currently in Africa, helping the needy.
00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:50,872 ♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪
00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:53,166 ♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪
00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:56,670 ♪ Hello hello ♪
00:13:56,795 --> 00:13:59,840 Marsh is attempting to break the record again.
00:13:59,965 --> 00:14:01,424 We thought you should know.
00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:03,969 He can't beat my 9 and a half courics!
00:14:04,094 --> 00:14:06,304 Well, he's going to try.
00:14:06,429 --> 00:14:07,973 Fine!
00:14:08,098 --> 00:14:09,641 But he has to take the crap in front of you,
00:14:09,766 --> 00:14:11,017 in Zurich.
00:14:11,142 --> 00:14:13,895 Bono, we've never had that rule before.
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:16,231 It's the only way you can know he's not cheating!
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:19,484 If he doesn't crap in Zurich, it shouldn't count!
00:14:22,237 --> 00:14:23,780 Ultrasound is very simple, Mr. Marsh.
00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:24,739 We're going to use harmless waves
00:14:24,865 --> 00:14:26,366 to look inside your belly.
00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:29,160 Just gonna put some warm gel on your stomach first.
00:14:29,286 --> 00:14:30,453 Ooh.
00:14:30,579 --> 00:14:31,454 Okay, take a deep breath.
00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:34,791 I see the crap now.
00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:37,627 I can't say for sure, but I'd say it's about...
00:14:37,752 --> 00:14:39,337 14 courics.
00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:40,630 14!
00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:41,673 That's great, Randy!
00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:43,133 Can I see it?
00:14:43,258 --> 00:14:46,469 Sure, this is your colon,
00:14:46,595 --> 00:14:49,347 and here... Is the feces growing inside your belly.
00:14:53,852 --> 00:14:55,979 Ahh...
00:15:04,154 --> 00:15:05,572 Guys, we have a problem!
00:15:05,697 --> 00:15:07,324 I talked to the E.F.S.M. And they say that Randy
00:15:07,449 --> 00:15:09,242 has to take the crap in Zurich.
00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:10,785 In Zurich?!
00:15:10,911 --> 00:15:12,245 They say Bono is demanding it
00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:13,830 and that their hands are tied.
00:15:13,955 --> 00:15:15,081 I'm sorry, Mr. Marsh.
00:15:15,206 --> 00:15:16,708 I cannot condone you traveling on an airplane
00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:18,543 in your condition.
00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:21,630 It is never safe to fly during your turd trimester.
00:15:26,718 --> 00:15:29,679 Hi, could I speak with Mr. Bono, please?
00:15:29,804 --> 00:15:32,891 Mr. Bono, you have a young gentlemen caller.
00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:37,520 ♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪
00:15:37,646 --> 00:15:39,022 Get the jet ready, Belvis.
00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:40,649 I've got to be going.
00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:42,901 Hi, my name is Stan Marsh.
00:15:43,026 --> 00:15:45,278 My dad's trying to beat your record for biggest crap.
00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:46,780 Oh, right.
00:15:46,905 --> 00:15:48,365 He can't make it to Zurich, right?
00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:49,824 That's kind of what I'm here for.
00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:51,993 Do you really need the biggest crap record?
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:53,286 Could you maybe see your way to just
00:15:53,411 --> 00:15:55,246 letting my dad have this one?
00:15:55,372 --> 00:15:57,040 Let him have it?
00:15:57,165 --> 00:15:58,750 Why would I do that?
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:01,002 Look, you gotta understand, sir,
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:03,088 my dad's never won an award for anything.
00:16:03,213 --> 00:16:04,381 Ever.
00:16:04,506 --> 00:16:06,341 He doesn't have one single trophy.
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:08,134 I mean even I have a second-place trophy
00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:10,220 for most <i>Sports Illustrated</i> subscriptions sold.
00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:13,765 I have the first-place trophy for that.
00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:16,518 Dude, don't you have enough?
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:18,269 I mean, you've got tons of money, a jet,
00:16:18,395 --> 00:16:20,188 the biggest rock band in the world,
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,856 a hot wife, and you've been knighted.
00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:23,358 I mean, at some point,
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,443 can't you just kind of fuck off?
00:16:25,568 --> 00:16:27,737 I want people to know that I'm worth something,
00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:29,489 that I matter.
00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:31,574 All I'm asking is that maybe with this one thing
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:33,493 let my dad be number one
00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:35,453 and you can still be number two.
00:16:35,578 --> 00:16:37,622 Number two?!
00:16:37,747 --> 00:16:39,374 Number two?!
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:42,919 Nobody calls me that anymore and gets away with it!
00:16:43,044 --> 00:16:44,713 Take it back!
00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:46,381 Take it back!
00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:47,340 I take it back!
00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:48,675 Say I'm not number two!
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,093 You're not number two!
00:16:50,218 --> 00:16:52,095 That's right I'm not!
00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:54,764 ♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪
00:16:57,017 --> 00:16:59,102 What is wrong with that guy?
00:16:59,227 --> 00:17:00,603 Your father is in great danger.
00:17:00,729 --> 00:17:02,564 Come with me.
00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:11,489 Hrghh... Ugh ugh...
00:17:14,826 --> 00:17:17,203 Hrghh... Grrhh...
00:17:17,328 --> 00:17:19,539 Rrgghhh...
00:17:19,664 --> 00:17:22,167 It must be quite a crap.
00:17:22,292 --> 00:17:24,252 Come on, Randy, you have to push!
00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:26,087 Ahghghhggh...
00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:28,798 Ahghhhggh...
00:17:30,592 --> 00:17:31,593 What are you saying?
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:33,219 How do you know my dad is gonna die?!
00:17:33,344 --> 00:17:36,181 Because nobody has ever taken a crap that big before.
00:17:36,306 --> 00:17:38,391 So Bono's newest record is a lie!
00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:40,393 Look, I first new something was wrong
00:17:40,518 --> 00:17:43,146 when I looked at Bono's first award for biggest crap.
00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:45,607 It said he took it in 1960.
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:47,108 So?
00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:49,986 So that's the year Bono was born.
00:17:50,111 --> 00:17:51,321 Then it all made sense to me.
00:17:51,446 --> 00:17:53,865 How could Bono be so talented, so caring,
00:17:53,990 --> 00:17:56,367 and yet seem like such a piece of crap?
00:17:56,493 --> 00:17:58,578 Because he is crap.
00:17:58,703 --> 00:17:59,621 Don't you get it?!
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:01,831 Bono is not the record holder...
00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:05,543 He's the record.
00:18:05,668 --> 00:18:07,420 Yes.
00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:10,507 Ahghgghgh...
00:18:10,632 --> 00:18:15,011 I can't do it, I can't do it.
00:18:15,136 --> 00:18:17,055 The crap is simply too big, Mr. Marsh.
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:19,224 We must perform a Caesarean.
00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:21,351 But then does it still count?
00:18:21,476 --> 00:18:22,811 Oh, no!
00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:25,146 A biggest crap means you crapped it out.
00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:27,357 I believe that's true.
00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:28,983 We are sorry, Mr. Marsh,
00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:31,611 but if you cannot crap out the crap,
00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:34,572 it's not really a crap.
00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:37,075 No, no...
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,827 There, there, Randy.
00:18:38,952 --> 00:18:41,371 You... You gave it your best shot.
00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:42,539 I want my wife.
00:18:42,664 --> 00:18:43,748 Sharon?!
00:18:43,873 --> 00:18:44,707 Sharon?!
00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:46,459 What?
00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:48,169 I'm sorry, Sharon.
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:50,755 I'm sorry that I let you down.
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:54,008 Sorry I can't crap like Bono.
00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:55,677 Well, congratulations, Bono.
00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:58,221 It appears your record is intact.
00:18:58,346 --> 00:18:59,806 I had a feeling it would be.
00:18:59,931 --> 00:19:01,224 Wait, stop!
00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:03,476 Dad, your old crap counts!
00:19:03,601 --> 00:19:05,395 Bono never took a second crap that beat yours!
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,605 Get him out of here!
00:19:07,730 --> 00:19:10,316 What are you talking about, young man?
00:19:10,441 --> 00:19:12,193 Somebody's been keeping it a secret.
00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:13,611 Bono was never the record holder.
00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:15,780 He's the record.
00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:17,824 It's not true!
00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:19,033 Kill that kid!
00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:20,660 I want him dead!
00:19:20,785 --> 00:19:22,912 It's too late, Bono.
00:19:23,037 --> 00:19:25,498 The boy has learned the truth.
00:19:25,623 --> 00:19:28,251 Heir Brolof, what do you know of this?
00:19:28,376 --> 00:19:30,128 It's true, I'm afraid.
00:19:30,253 --> 00:19:33,089 You see, until Mr. Marsh came along,
00:19:33,214 --> 00:19:36,009 I was the record holder for the biggest crap.
00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:38,178 I took it back in 1960.
00:19:38,303 --> 00:19:40,763 It was the most amazing crap I'd ever taken.
00:19:40,889 --> 00:19:42,223 Papa, no!
00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:44,475 Say nothing more!
00:19:44,601 --> 00:19:45,935 Come to me, my darling precious child.
00:19:53,443 --> 00:19:56,196 After I had broken the record, I took the crap home.
00:19:56,321 --> 00:19:59,699 I was so proud of it that I decided to keep it,
00:19:59,824 --> 00:20:01,868 to try and raise it like a child.
00:20:01,993 --> 00:20:03,286 No, Papa.
00:20:03,411 --> 00:20:05,121 No, Papa.
00:20:05,246 --> 00:20:08,333 There, there, my little crap, don't cry.
00:20:08,458 --> 00:20:10,084 Here, do you want the biddy?
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:11,502 Hmm?
00:20:11,628 --> 00:20:13,171 Does Bono want the biddy?
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,675 Yes, he likes the biddy, doesn't he?
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:19,844 Dude.
00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:21,930 I kept the crap in my office.
00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:23,640 Nursed it, fed it biddy.
00:20:23,765 --> 00:20:25,975 And soon biddy made him strong,
00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:27,602 biddy made him grow up...
00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:30,521 Into one of the most influential figures of our time.
00:20:30,647 --> 00:20:32,815 Easy, Bono, that hurts the biddy.
00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:35,068 Biddy!
00:20:35,193 --> 00:20:38,363 My little crap has accomplished many things,
00:20:38,488 --> 00:20:39,781 but he could never shed the fact
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:43,076 that he was really a number two.
00:20:43,201 --> 00:20:45,453 So he spent his life trying to be number one...
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,080 In everything.
00:20:47,205 --> 00:20:48,748 That's why he's able to do so much,
00:20:48,873 --> 00:20:50,333 try to help so many people,
00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:52,085 but still seem like such a piece of shit.
00:20:52,210 --> 00:20:53,711 You have blemished
00:20:53,836 --> 00:20:55,713 this noble society's good name, Heir Brolof!
00:20:55,838 --> 00:20:57,048 Have I?!
00:20:57,173 --> 00:20:59,175 Look at the crap I took all those years ago!
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:01,302 Bono is now almost six feet tall
00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:03,304 and over 80 courics in weight!
00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:05,014 No matter how you look at it,
00:21:05,139 --> 00:21:07,600 he is still the record!
00:21:07,725 --> 00:21:09,435 Oh, God, here it comes!
00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:10,770 Oh, hot, hot, hot, hot!
00:21:10,895 --> 00:21:13,022 Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!
00:21:13,147 --> 00:21:16,025 Ha-ha-haaa...
00:21:20,697 --> 00:21:22,282 My God!
00:21:22,407 --> 00:21:24,909 It must over 100 courics!
00:21:25,034 --> 00:21:26,035 Dad, are you all right?
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:27,453 Yeah, I'm...
00:21:27,578 --> 00:21:28,746 Yeah, I'm good.
00:21:28,871 --> 00:21:30,081 I feel a lot better.
00:21:30,206 --> 00:21:32,208 Mr. Marsh, we apologize.
00:21:32,333 --> 00:21:35,211 And if it's okay with you, we would like to present you
00:21:35,336 --> 00:21:38,131 your long-overdue trophy.
00:21:40,049 --> 00:21:41,384 Thrrrrpt!

00:00:00,010 --> 00:00:00,020 1109 More Crap 14:28:56 15.06.2014
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:03,700 Все персонажи и события в этом шоу, даже те, которые основаны на реальных людях, являются полностью вымышленными.
00:00:03,700 --> 00:00:05,300 Все известные голоса исполнены.. неудачно.
00:00:05,300 --> 00:00:08,300 Следующая программа содержит нецензурные выражения или оскорбления и вследствие чего эта передача не должна просматриваться кем-либо.
00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:09,000 Перевод Виктор Д.
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:12,500 ♪ Я ухожу в Южный Парк, буду проводить своё время,
00:00:12,500 --> 00:00:16,059 ♪ Дружелюбные лица везде, скромные люди без соблазна,
00:00:16,059 --> 00:00:19,250 ♪ Я иду в Южный Парк, собираюсь оставить мои беды позади
00:00:19,250 --> 00:00:22,722 ♪ Просторная парковка днём или ночью, люди, восклицающие: "Привет, сосед",
00:00:22,722 --> 00:00:26,000 ♪ Я отправляюсь в Южный Парк, посмотрю, смогу ли я расслабиться
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:29,100 ♪ Мне нравятся девки с большими жирными сиськами, мне нравятся девки с большими жирными сиськами,
00:00:29,100 --> 00:00:33,300 ♪ Так приходите в Южный Парк и встречайте некоторых моих друзей.
00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:39,070 Большое дерьмо 1109
00:00:39,078 --> 00:00:45,666 - Ну, нет никаких сомнений, на мой взгляд, м-р Марш. У вас запор. - Спасибо за экстренное сообщение!
00:00:45,686 --> 00:00:52,000 Я не откладывал дерьмо больше трёх недель! Вопрос - почему? - Ну, какую еду вы ели?
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:57,828 - P.F. Чанг в основном. Хорошая еда. - Я собираюсь прописать слабительное.
00:00:57,848 --> 00:01:04,389 Но я должен предупредить вас: Когда вы, наконец, 'отбросите канат', это может быть очень болезненно.
00:01:04,409 --> 00:01:35,984 Как больно это "болезненно"? О Боже. О, вот оно лезет. Ох, вот оно! Горячо, горячо! Ух, вот, горячо!
00:01:36,004 --> 00:01:56,185 О, всё кончено. Всё кончено. О Боже. Я чувствую себя намного лучше. Ничего себе. Оно огромное.
00:01:56,205 --> 00:02:07,711 Это, должно быть, самое большое дерьмо, что я откладывал. Эй, эй, Шэрон. Шэрон, ты должна подойти увидеть это. Шэ-Шэрон!
00:02:07,731 --> 00:02:11,343 - В чём дело, Рэнди? У тебя что.. О, Рэнди! - Ты посмотришь на это?
00:02:11,363 --> 00:02:16,000 Это ли не самое большое дерьмо, которое ты когда видела, или как? - Спусти воду в туалете ради Христа!
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:21,587 - Давай! Это очень впечатляет. Эй Стэн! Стэн, посмотри на это. - Рэнди!
00:02:21,607 --> 00:02:24,332 - Смотри, что твой старик сделал. - Быть того не может!
00:02:24,352 --> 00:02:27,428 - А? Никогда не видел такого большого, не так ли? - Нет, никогда.
00:02:27,448 --> 00:02:31,762 - Непристойно, папа, жутко! - Хорошо, ты спустишь воду в туалете теперь?
00:02:31,782 --> 00:02:36,795 Я постараюсь, но я не думаю, что.. П-подожди минуту. Я должен позвонить Джимбо сначала.
00:02:36,815 --> 00:02:39,273 - Зачем? - Он должен это увидеть.
00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:44,200 - Нет, мы смоем туалет прямо сейчас! - Нет! Джимбо должен увидеть это, так, когда я расскажу ребятам
00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:48,700 сколь большое оно было, они будут знать, я не вру! - О, ради любви к Богу, Рэнди!
00:02:48,700 --> 00:02:57,832 Шэрон, это важно. Стэн, пойди позвони своему дяде Джимбо. Я буду охранять.
00:02:57,852 --> 00:03:00,593 - Привет, ребята! - Привет, Рэнди.
00:03:00,613 --> 00:03:03,974 - Ты чувствуешь себя лучше? - Да, я полностью в порядке сейчас.
00:03:03,994 --> 00:03:08,811 Вы, ребята, должны были видеть то дерьмо, которое Рэнди высрал вчера вечером. Это было, не кривя, душой самое большое дерьмо,
00:03:08,831 --> 00:03:12,921 что кто-либо когда-либо высрал. В истории. - Ну я не знаю, как когда-либо..
00:03:12,941 --> 00:03:17,963 - Я говорю вам, эта штука была размером с чёртов футбольный мяч. - Я думаю, оно было довольно большим.
00:03:17,983 --> 00:03:21,562 - Футбольный? Это удивительно. - Я никогда не слышал о таком большом.
00:03:21,582 --> 00:03:30,798 О, мой брат наложил дерьма однажды, оно было огромным. Оно было самое большое в истории мира, я думаю.
00:03:30,818 --> 00:03:38,279 - Оно не было больше, чем было моё. - О, нет, серьёзно, это дерьмо было монстром.
00:03:38,299 --> 00:03:43,593 - Моё.. Моё было больше. - Я сомневаюсь в этом.
00:03:43,613 --> 00:03:54,627 - Хочешь посмотреть? - О, чёрт, мой Боже.
00:03:54,647 --> 00:03:58,852 - Оно не взаправду вылезло из твоей жопы. - О, да, оно вылезло.
00:03:58,872 --> 00:04:02,410 Давай, проверь его на трещины. Это один цельный кусок. - Иисус..
00:04:02,430 --> 00:04:08,683 - Это ну, немного больше, чем твоего брата, Джеральд? - Это.. не от мира сего.
00:04:08,703 --> 00:04:15,029 Рэнди, ты звонил людям в Книгу рекордов Гиннеса? Я имею в виду, оно может взаправду стать крупнейшим дерьмом в истории.
00:04:15,049 --> 00:04:23,212 - Вот почему я должен обеспечить его сохранность. - Рэнди Марш! /- Вот дерьмо!
00:04:23,232 --> 00:04:28,674 - О чём, чёрт возьми ты думаешь, храня эту хрень в нашем доме? - Ребята соглашаются, Шэрон: Оно может быть рекордсменом.
00:04:28,694 --> 00:04:39,769 - Почему мужики так одержимы тем, сколь велико их дерьмо? - Книга рекордов Гиннесса Америки. Чем я могу помочь вам?
00:04:39,789 --> 00:04:49,795 Самое большое дерьмо? Мы, на самом деле, не отслеживаем такие рекорды, сэр. Потому, что мы не хотим.
00:04:49,815 --> 00:04:54,101 Смотрите, мы получаем звонки от мужчин, всё время, которые считают, что они высрали самое большое дерьмо,
00:04:54,106 --> 00:05:00,046 и мы просто не можем выполнить все измерения и проверки. Вам нужно позвонить в европейскую Службу Фекальных
00:05:00,066 --> 00:05:10,203 Стандартов и Измерений в Цюрихе. Пожалуйста. Боже, ещё один. Книга рекордов Гиннесса Америки.
00:05:10,223 --> 00:05:18,675 Да, привет. Меня зовут Рэнди Марш и я считаю, я высрал самое большое дерьмо в мире.
00:05:18,695 --> 00:05:31,832 Вам нужно позвонить в европейскую Службу Фекальных Стандартов и Измерений в Цюрихе. Их номер указан на их сайте.
00:05:31,852 --> 00:05:36,466 Херр президент, взгляните на это. Это дерьмо послано к нам из Соединённых Штатов.
00:05:36,486 --> 00:05:43,356 - Очень мило. Было ли оно проверено на достоверность? - Похоже, что оно неподдельное, основываясь на фото.
00:05:43,376 --> 00:05:56,253 По нашим оценкам это дерьмо более восьми с половиной Куриков! - Нам лучше сесть в самолёт. Прямо сейчас.
00:05:56,273 --> 00:06:02,075 - Hm, enshnusen? - Verron snusunarich.
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:09,658 - Какова была ваша основная диета для этого дерьма, м-р Марш? - В основном P.F. Чанг. Цыплёнок генерала Цао.
00:06:09,678 --> 00:06:16,273 И много чёрти-какого дерьма от тётушки Джемайм по утрам. - Я полагаю, что я нашёл немного капусты также?
00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:21,534 - О, да, я ел много у Ким Чи. - Вы, должно быть, издеваетесь надо мною.
00:06:21,554 --> 00:06:28,500 - Эти ребята из Цюриха, Шэрон! Они европейцы! - Это громадное дерьмо, м-р Марш.
00:06:28,500 --> 00:06:35,071 - Ради Бога! - Ваше дерьмо официально весит 8,6 Куриков.
00:06:35,091 --> 00:06:39,052 - Куриков? - Это стандарт измерения человеческих экскрементов.
00:06:39,072 --> 00:06:47,527 Некоей Кэти Курик (телеведущей), примерно 2,5 фунта кала. - Текущий рекорд - это дерьмо весом 7,5 Куриков.
00:06:47,547 --> 00:06:53,000 - Но это значит, что.. - Это верно. Вы новый мировой чемпион!
00:06:53,000 --> 00:07:02,825 В самом деле? Вы имеете в виду, на самом деле? Эй, Стэн! Эй, Шэрон! Эй, все!
00:07:02,845 --> 00:07:10,488 Ну, я думаю, нам лучше позвонить предыдущему чемпиону и дать ему знать, что его рекорд был только что побит.
00:07:10,508 --> 00:07:16,054 Он выиграл двадцать две Грэмми, бесчисленные гуманитарные награды и единственный человек, когда-либо
00:07:16,074 --> 00:07:28,425 номинированной на премию Американской киноакадемии, Золотой Глобус и Нобелевскую премию мира. Дамы и господа, Боно!
00:07:28,445 --> 00:07:37,719 Спасибо. Огромное спасибо за этой новейшую премию, это так много значит. О, извините. Я должен получить ещё одну награду. Да?
00:07:37,739 --> 00:07:45,315 Да, Боно. Сэр, мы хотели бы сообщить вам, что ваш рекорд на крупнейшее дерьмо только что был побит.
00:07:45,335 --> 00:08:00,148 - Что? Это невозможно! Сколь большое оно было? - Мы здесь, чтобы чествовать первого американца,
00:08:00,168 --> 00:08:07,655 принёсшего на родину известную EFSM медаль за крупнейшее дерьмо, когда-либо отложенное.
00:08:07,675 --> 00:08:21,188 - Эй, смотри, Шэрон, это президент! Эй, эй, Шэрон! - Для вручения награды я приглашаю к вам директора EFSM, сэра Орлова Бролова.
00:08:21,208 --> 00:08:27,177 Спасибо, сенатор. На протяжении более ста лет европейская (служба) Фекальных Стандартов и измер..
00:08:27,183 --> 00:08:32,214 - Херр Бролов! Херр Бролов! - Das shpoitenhoff?
00:08:32,234 --> 00:08:39,677 А дамы и господа, как я понимаю, мы только что получили специальную видеоплёнку с сообщением от Боно.
00:08:39,697 --> 00:08:45,521 - Боно? Круто! - Можем ли мы проиграть плёнку на большом экране, пожалуйста?
00:08:45,541 --> 00:09:03,227 Привет всем! Я Боно. Много лет, это было моим долгом, попытаться обратить внимание на нужды Африки.
00:09:03,247 --> 00:09:14,983 И сегодня, у меня есть очень волнующие новости. Вчера вечером, в 8:20, я высрал дерьмо весом девять с половиной Куриков.
00:09:15,003 --> 00:09:19,500 - Боно? - Как вы можете видеть, это один цельный кусок.
00:09:19,500 --> 00:09:31,883 Это моё самое большое дерьмо на сегодняшний день. И я клянусь его подлинности. Спасибо, и благословит вас Бог.
00:09:31,903 --> 00:09:48,851 Вы слышали это, дамы и господа! Официально крупнейшее дерьмо - 9,5 Куриков! Поздравляем Боно!
00:09:57,382 --> 00:10:08,270 - Папа, гм.. Я думаю, что ужин почти готов. - Я почти сделал это. Я почти сделал что-то самостоятельно.
00:10:08,290 --> 00:10:15,341 Ты знаешь, когда ты подбираешься так близко, ты начинаешь думать, что, может быть, твоя жизнь чего-то стоит.
00:10:15,361 --> 00:10:24,634 Я имею в виду, это было что-то, что я сделал! То, что вышло из меня! Это было частью меня!
00:10:24,654 --> 00:10:33,000 То единственное, что я когда-либо сделал, что было стоящим. - Ну и дела, спасибо, папа.
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:41,823 Не за что. И я просто.. Я знаю, что это конец моей жизни, я никогда не буду так близко, чтобы, наконец, обрести смысл.
00:10:41,843 --> 00:10:50,000 - Давайте, ребята. Лазанья готова. - О. Лазанья готова. Ты слышишь это, Стэн?
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:57,900 Мама говорит, лазанья готова. Я понял твой сарказм, Шэрон! - О чём ты говоришь?
00:10:57,900 --> 00:11:04,432 Ты можешь сказать так, Шэрон! Я знаю, Боно лучше меня! Мне жаль, что я не Боно, хорошо?
00:11:04,452 --> 00:11:08,545 Прости, что у меня нет миллиардов долларов и номинации на Нобелевскую премию!
00:11:08,565 --> 00:11:12,748 - Рэнди, это смешно. - О, это детский сад, Шэрон!
00:11:12,768 --> 00:11:21,471 Просто ведёшь себя, будто всё смешно! Это большая шутка для тебя, не так ли? Просто большая шутка! Не прикасайся ко мне!
00:11:21,491 --> 00:11:26,375 Можете ли вы поверить ему? Всё это по поводу того, кто из мужиков наложил самое большое дерьмо.
00:11:26,395 --> 00:11:40,000 - Ты не понимаешь, мама. Ты просто не понимаешь. - Что? Что?
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:46,663 - Почему они позволяют этому парню Боне просто прислать фотографию своего дерьма? /- Потому что оно Боно, вот почему.
00:11:46,683 --> 00:11:54,114 - Но он мог бы подделать его. Это не справедливо! - Не важно. У него теперь рекорд, я ничего не могу поделать.
00:11:54,134 --> 00:11:57,977 - О, да, есть! Ты мог бы сделать это снова. - Что?
00:11:57,997 --> 00:12:04,960 Подумай об этом. Ты даже не пытался высрать крупнейшее дерьмо в прошлый раз. Представь, что ты на самом деле работал над ним!
00:12:04,980 --> 00:12:11,164 - Эй. Эй, это так. - Нет. Я не смогу пройти через всё это опять. Это слишком тяжело.
00:12:11,184 --> 00:12:14,865 Давай, Рэнди. Бьюсь об заклад, ты можешь наложить такое большое дерьмо снова запросто!
00:12:14,885 --> 00:12:21,800 - При правильной диете и тренировке, кто знает на что ты способен? - Ребята, забудьте об этом! Всё кончено! Это было случайное дерьмо.
00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:28,011 Я никогда не отложу такого большого снова! - Всё кончено, Рэнди? Мы все видели то дерьмо, что ты высрал!
00:12:28,031 --> 00:12:36,400 Это не было случайностью! Есть что-то внутри тебя, что сделало тебя способным сделать это! Рэнди, у тебя есть дар. И, кто знает,
00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:47,410 почему Бог избрал тебя, но он избрал! И если ты отступишь сейчас, ты будешь всегда гадать, сколь большое дерьмо ты мог бы высрать.
00:12:47,430 --> 00:12:51,561 - Мне понадобиться большая помощь. - Вот зачем мы здесь.
00:12:51,581 --> 00:13:05,000 - Давай, Рэнди, что скажешь? - Я говорю.. Давайте дадим Боно бой!
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:09,998 Это сводка новостей CNN.
00:13:10,018 --> 00:13:17,423 Сегодня вечером, возможное нападение на Иран может означать начало новой войны на Ближнем Востоке. /- О нет.
00:13:17,443 --> 00:13:25,174 Но, сначала, рекорд на самое большое дерьмо в мире, будет ли он снова побит? Рэнди Марш из Колорадо три недели
00:13:25,194 --> 00:13:31,190 в своём порыве отложить новое дерьмо. Проводит почти каждый час бодрствования в P.F. Чанг.
00:13:31,210 --> 00:13:35,930 - Это действительно заслуживает освещёния в печати? - Ты просто не понимаешь.
00:13:35,950 --> 00:13:39,765 - Ты прав. Мне не понять. - В то же время, некоторые люди задаются вопросом,
00:13:39,785 --> 00:13:44,086 действующим зафиксированным рекордом Боны, вобщем-то никто и никогда не видел его в лицо.
00:13:44,106 --> 00:13:55,240 Бона не доступен для объяснений, так как он сейчас в Африке помогает нуждающимся.
00:13:55,260 --> 00:14:00,568 - Привет, привет. - Марш пытается побить рекорд ещё раз.
00:14:00,588 --> 00:14:05,118 Мы думали, что вы должны знать. - Он не может побить мои девять с половиной Куриков!
00:14:05,138 --> 00:14:11,739 - Ну, он будет попробовать. - Прекрасно, но он должен отложить дерьмо перед вами! В Цюрихе.
00:14:11,759 --> 00:14:16,738 - Боно, у нас никогда не было таких правил раньше. - Это единственный способ, как вы можете знать, что он не обманывает.
00:14:16,758 --> 00:14:24,473 Если он не насерет в Цюрихе, он не должен учитываться! - Ультразвук это очень просто, м-р Марш.
00:14:24,493 --> 00:14:30,978 Мы используем безвредные волны, чтобы заглянуть внутрь вашего живота. Только наложим немного тёплого геля на живот сначала.
00:14:30,998 --> 00:14:41,000 Так, сделайте глубокий вдох. Я вижу дерьмо теперь. Я не могу сказать наверняка, но я, я бы сказал, оно около 14 Куриков.
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:44,531 - Четырнадцать?! - Это здорово, Рэнди! - Могу, могу ли я увидеть его?
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:59,811 Конечно. Это ваша толстая кишка, и здесь, фекалии, растущие внутри вашего живота.
00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:10,433 Ребята, у нас есть проблема! Я разговаривал с EFSM и они говорят, что Рэнди должен откладывать дерьмо в Цюрихе.
00:15:10,453 --> 00:15:14,418 - В Цюрихе? - Они говорят, что Бона требует этого, и что у них связаны руки.
00:15:14,438 --> 00:15:18,769 Мне очень жаль м-р Марш. Я, я не могу закрыть глаза на ваше путешествие на самолёте в вашем состоянии.
00:15:18,789 --> 00:15:28,184 Никогда не бывает безопасно летать во время вашего какашечного трёхмесячного срока.
00:15:28,204 --> 00:15:38,468 - Привет, могу я поговорить с м-ром Боно, пожалуйста? - М-р Боно, у вас молодой джентльмен в гостях.
00:15:38,488 --> 00:15:43,716 - Подготовь лайнер, Бовис! Я должен лететь. - Привет, меня зовут Стэн Марш.
00:15:43,736 --> 00:15:49,147 Мой отец пытается побить ваш рекорд на большущее дерьмо. - Ну правильно. Он не может сделать это в Цюрихе, не так ли?
00:15:49,167 --> 00:15:52,944 Это вот для чего я здесь. Вам действительно нужен рекорд на самое большое дерьмо?
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:56,935 Не могли бы вы, может, смотрите, идите своей дорогой и отдайте моему папе этот рекорд?
00:15:56,955 --> 00:16:01,569 - Отдать ему рекорд? Зачем мне это делать? - Слушайте, вы должны понять, сэр.
00:16:01,589 --> 00:16:06,920 Мой отец никогда не получил премию ни за что. Никогда. Он не имеет ни одного одной награды.
00:16:06,940 --> 00:16:11,883 Я имею в виду, даже у меня есть награда за второе место за самое большое количество проданных подписок на Спортс Иллюстрейтед.
00:16:11,903 --> 00:16:19,000 - У меня есть приз за первое место в этом. - Чувак, тебе не достаточно ли? Я имею в виду у вас есть куча денег,
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:23,500 самолёт, и самая большая рок-группа в мире, страстная жена и.. Вы стали рыцарем. Я имею в виду,
00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:30,051 в какой-то момент, вы не можете просто вроде.. отвалить? - Я хочу, чтобы люди знали, что я чего-то стою. Что я важен.
00:16:30,071 --> 00:16:36,833 Всё, что я прошу, может быть, с этим одним делом, пусть мой отец будет номером один. И вы можете быть номером 2.
00:16:36,853 --> 00:16:47,200 Номером два? Номер два! Никто не называет меня так более и проваливай с этим! Забери слова обратно! Забери слова обратно!
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:49,500 - Беру свои слова обратно! - Скажи, что я не номер два!
00:16:49,500 --> 00:16:57,682 - Вы не номер два! - Это правильно! Я не второй!
00:16:57,702 --> 00:17:12,785 - Что не так с этим парнем? - Твой отец находится в серьёзной опасности. Пойдём со мной!
00:17:19,377 --> 00:17:31,425 - Это должно быть стоящее дерьмо. - Давай, Рэнди. Ты должен поднажать!
00:17:31,445 --> 00:17:37,065 - Что вы говорите? Откуда вы знаете, мой папа должен умереть? - Потому что никто никогда не высерал дерьмо такое большое раньше.
00:17:37,085 --> 00:17:41,272 - Так новейший рекорд Боно - это ложь! - Слушай, я впервые понял, что что-то не так,
00:17:41,292 --> 00:17:47,573 когда я взглянул на первую награду Боны за крупнейшее дерьмо. Сказано, что он получил её в 1960 году. /- Ну и что?
00:17:47,593 --> 00:17:52,455 Так это был год, когда Боно родился. Тогда всё это обрело смысл для меня.
00:17:52,475 --> 00:17:57,368 Как мог Боно быть таким талантливым, таким заботливым и ещё казаться таким куском дерьма?
00:17:57,388 --> 00:18:04,948 Потому что он и есть дерьмо. Разве ты не понимаешь? Боно не рекордсмен..
00:18:04,968 --> 00:18:12,000 - Он и есть рекорд. - Да.
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:15,701 Я не могу это сделать! Я не могу это сделать!
00:18:15,716 --> 00:18:20,267 Дерьмо просто слишком большое, м-р Марш. Мы должны сделать кесарево сечение!
00:18:20,287 --> 00:18:26,284 - Но тогда он ещё учтётся? - О, нет! Самое большое дерьмо значит, что вы высрали его!
00:18:26,304 --> 00:18:35,455 Я думаю, что это правда. Извините, м-р Марш, но если вы не сможете высрать это дерьмо.. Это не совсем дерьмо.
00:18:35,475 --> 00:18:42,277 - Нет.. Нет. - Ну, ну, Рэнди. Ты сделал свою лучшую попытку.
00:18:42,297 --> 00:18:48,000 - Я хочу мою жену. Шэрон? Шэрон? - Что?
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:54,972 Мне очень жаль, Шэрон. Мне жаль, что я подвёл тебя. Жаль, что я не могу наделать как Боно.
00:18:54,992 --> 00:19:00,500 - Ну поздравляю, Боно, похоже, ваш рекорд не повреждён. - У меня было ощущение, что так будет.
00:19:00,500 --> 00:19:07,437 Подождите! Стойте! Папа, твоё старое дерьмо учтено. Боно никогда не откладывал второе дерьмо, побившее твоё.
00:19:07,457 --> 00:19:11,130 - Уберите его отсюда! - О чём вы говорите, молодой человек?
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:17,542 Кто-то держал это в секрете. Боно никогда не был рекордсменом! Он и есть рекорд.
00:19:17,562 --> 00:19:26,347 - Это не правда! Убейте ребёнка! Я хочу, чтобы он умер! - Уже слишком поздно, Боно. Этот мальчик узнал правду.
00:19:26,367 --> 00:19:33,947 - Херр Бролов, что вы знаете об этом? - Это правда, я боюсь. Видите ли, пока не возник м-р Марш,
00:19:33,967 --> 00:19:41,200 я был рекордсменом по крупнейшему дерьму. Я отложил его в 1960 году. Это было самое удивительное дерьмо,
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:45,185 которое я когда-либо высрал. - Паппа, нет! Не говори ничего больше!
00:19:45,205 --> 00:19:57,239 Иди ко мне, мой дорогой, драгоценный ребёнок. После того, как я побил рекорд, я взял дерьмо домой.
00:19:57,259 --> 00:20:02,702 Я был так горд этим, что я решил оставить его, чтобы попытаться вырастить его, как ребёнка.
00:20:02,722 --> 00:20:12,098 - Нет, папа. Нет, папа. - Ну, ну, моё маленькое дерьмо. Не плачь. На, ты хочешь 'сиську'?
00:20:12,118 --> 00:20:20,650 Хочет ли Боно 'сиську'? Да, он любит 'сиську', не так ли? - Обалдеть.
00:20:20,670 --> 00:20:28,304 Я держал дерьмо в моём кабинете, нянчил его, кормил его 'сиськой'. И скоро, 'сиська' сделала его сильным. 'Сиська' вырастила его!
00:20:28,324 --> 00:20:36,319 В одну из самых влиятельных фигур нашего времени. Легче Боно, так больно 'сиське'. /- 'Сиська'.
00:20:36,339 --> 00:20:41,000 Моё маленькое дерьмо достигло многих вещей. Но оно никогда не могло избавиться от того факта,
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:47,544 что оно в действительности было номер два. Так, он провёл свою жизнь, пытаясь быть номером один, во всём.
00:20:47,564 --> 00:20:53,365 Вот почему он в состоянии сделать так много, пытается помочь так многим людям, но всё ещё кажется таким куском дерьма.
00:20:53,385 --> 00:21:00,131 - Вы запятнали доброе имя этого благородного общества, Херр Бролов. - Разве? Посмотрите на это дерьмо, что я высрал много лет назад!
00:21:00,151 --> 00:21:08,362 Боно теперь почти 6 футов в высоту и более 80 Куриков весом! Неважно, как вы смотрите на это, он до сих пор рекорд!
00:21:08,382 --> 00:21:21,309 О Боже, вот оно! О, горячо, горячо, горячо, горячо! Горячо, горячо, горячо, горячо, горячо! Горячо! Горячо!
00:21:21,329 --> 00:21:25,741 - Боже мой.. - Оно должно быть более сотни Куриков!
00:21:25,761 --> 00:21:31,242 - Папа, ты в порядке? - Да, я.. Нет. Я в порядке! Чувствую себя намного лучше.
00:21:31,262 --> 00:21:55,870 М-р Марш, мы приносим свои извинения, и если всё в порядке с вами.. Мы хотели бы вручить вам.. вашу запоздалую награду.
00:21:55,900 --> 00:21:55,910 .

00:00:08,843 --> 00:00:09,969 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
00:00:10,094 --> 00:00:11,762 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
00:00:11,887 --> 00:00:13,639 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:15,391 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:16,517 ♪ Going down to South Park ♪
00:00:16,642 --> 00:00:18,477 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:18,602 --> 00:00:20,229 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:21,814 ♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪
00:00:21,939 --> 00:00:23,190 ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
00:00:23,315 --> 00:00:24,984 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:25,109 --> 00:00:28,237 ♪ ( mumbling ) ♪
00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:30,197 ♪ Come on down to South Park ♪
00:00:30,322 --> 00:00:31,699 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
00:00:35,911 --> 00:00:37,329 Ugh...
00:00:37,455 --> 00:00:39,165 Brawghghh...
00:00:39,290 --> 00:00:40,833 Well, there's no doubt in my mind, Mr. Marsh.
00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:42,835 You are constipated.
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,503 Thanks for the news flash.
00:00:44,628 --> 00:00:47,214 I haven't taken a crap in over three weeks.
00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:49,216 The question is: why?
00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:50,926 Well, what food have you been eating?
00:00:51,052 --> 00:00:52,553 <i>P.F. Chang's</i> mostly.
00:00:52,678 --> 00:00:54,096 Good stuff.
00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:56,098 I'm going to prescribe a laxative.
00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:58,225 But I must warn you,
00:00:58,350 --> 00:01:00,352 when you do finally pass this stool,
00:01:00,478 --> 00:01:03,064 it might be very painful.
00:01:03,189 --> 00:01:05,399 How painful is painful?
00:01:05,524 --> 00:01:08,319 Hurhgghghgh...
00:01:08,444 --> 00:01:09,320 Hurhghghgghgh...
00:01:10,821 --> 00:01:14,408 ( panting )
00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:17,036 Hurhghghghh...
00:01:17,161 --> 00:01:19,163 Oh, God, oh, here it comes.
00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:22,291 Ahghggh aahghhghggh ahghghghgghgh...
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:23,334 Oh, hot!
00:01:23,459 --> 00:01:25,628 Oh, hot, hot, hot, hot...
00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:28,005 Ahahghghggh!
00:01:28,130 --> 00:01:28,631 Ahghgghghghghgh!
00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:30,049 Oh, hot!
00:01:30,174 --> 00:01:32,384 Oh, hot, hot, hot, hot...
00:01:32,510 --> 00:01:33,427 Ahhghgh!
00:01:33,552 --> 00:01:34,637 Ahghh...
00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:37,264 ( sobbing )
00:01:37,389 --> 00:01:39,934 Oh, it's over, it's over.
00:01:40,059 --> 00:01:44,188 Oh, God, I feel so much better.
00:01:44,313 --> 00:01:45,397 Oh.
00:01:49,568 --> 00:01:51,237 Wow.
00:01:51,362 --> 00:01:54,323 That is huge.
00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:59,787 That has got to be the biggest crap I've ever taken.
00:01:59,912 --> 00:02:02,039 Hey-- hey, Sharon.
00:02:02,164 --> 00:02:05,459 Sharon, you gotta come see this.
00:02:05,584 --> 00:02:06,794 Sh-Sharon?
00:02:06,919 --> 00:02:07,920 What is it, Randy?
00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:09,797 Do you have any-- oh, Randy!
00:02:09,922 --> 00:02:11,507 Will you look at that?
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,592 Is that the biggest crap you've ever seen or what?
00:02:13,717 --> 00:02:15,094 Flush the toilet, for Christ's sake!
00:02:15,219 --> 00:02:17,054 Come on, that's pretty impressive.
00:02:17,179 --> 00:02:18,347 Hey, Stan!
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,099 Stan, look at this.
00:02:20,224 --> 00:02:21,350 Randy!
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:23,060 Look what your old man made.
00:02:23,185 --> 00:02:24,520 No way! - Huh?
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:25,938 Never seen one that big, have you?
00:02:26,063 --> 00:02:26,772 No, never.
00:02:26,897 --> 00:02:28,816 Gross, Dad, sick!
00:02:28,941 --> 00:02:30,693 All right, will you flush the toilet now?
00:02:30,818 --> 00:02:33,028 I'll try, but I don't think--
00:02:33,154 --> 00:02:34,822 Wait, wait, wait, wait a minute.
00:02:34,947 --> 00:02:35,739 I gotta call Jimbo first.
00:02:35,865 --> 00:02:37,116 Why?!
00:02:37,241 --> 00:02:38,534 He's got to see this.
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:40,661 No, we are flushing the toilet right now.
00:02:40,786 --> 00:02:42,246 No, Jimbo has to see it
00:02:42,371 --> 00:02:43,747 so when I tell all the guys how big it was
00:02:43,873 --> 00:02:45,666 they'll know I'm not lying!
00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:47,626 Oh, for the love of God, Randy!
00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:49,670 Sharon, this is important!
00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:51,130 Stan, go call your Uncle Jimbo.
00:02:51,255 --> 00:02:53,174 I'm gonna stand guard.
00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:56,468 ( men laughing )
00:02:56,594 --> 00:02:58,095 Hey, guys.
00:02:58,220 --> 00:02:59,597 Hey, Randy. - Oh, hey, Randy.
00:02:59,722 --> 00:03:01,140 Are you feeling better?
00:03:01,265 --> 00:03:02,725 Yeah, no, I'm totally fine now.
00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:04,476 You guys should have seen
00:03:04,602 --> 00:03:06,187 the crap Randy took last night.
00:03:06,312 --> 00:03:08,272 It was honestly the biggest crap
00:03:08,397 --> 00:03:10,357 anyone has ever taken ever.
00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:12,067 Oh, I don't know about ever.
00:03:12,193 --> 00:03:13,444 I'm telling you this thing
00:03:13,569 --> 00:03:15,571 was the size of a freaking football.
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,489 I guess it was pretty big.
00:03:17,615 --> 00:03:18,490 A football?
00:03:18,616 --> 00:03:19,825 Well, that's amazing.
00:03:19,950 --> 00:03:21,660 I've never heard of one that big.
00:03:21,785 --> 00:03:23,913 No, no, my brother took a crap once that was enormous.
00:03:24,038 --> 00:03:25,456 It was the biggest
00:03:25,581 --> 00:03:26,582 in the history of the world, I think.
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:29,335 Ha-ha ha - Ha-ha-ha.
00:03:29,460 --> 00:03:32,671 It wasn't bigger than mine was.
00:03:32,796 --> 00:03:35,174 No, no, seriously, this crap was a monster!
00:03:35,299 --> 00:03:37,259 ( laughing )
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:39,929 Mine... Mine was bigger.
00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:41,430 I doubt it.
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:45,351 You wanna see it?
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,443 Oh, my freaking Lord.
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,820 That did not seriously come out of your ass.
00:03:56,946 --> 00:03:58,322 Oh, yes it did.
00:03:58,447 --> 00:03:59,657 Go ahead and check it for splits.
00:03:59,782 --> 00:04:00,991 It's one solid piece.
00:04:01,116 --> 00:04:02,159 Jesus.
00:04:02,284 --> 00:04:03,702 That, uh, a little bigger than
00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:05,120 your brother's there, Gerald?
00:04:05,246 --> 00:04:08,457 It's... otherworldly.
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:09,708 Randy, have you called the people from
00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:11,335 <i>Guinness Book of World Records</i>?
00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:12,753 I mean, this might seriously be
00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:14,755 the biggest crap in history.
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:18,259 That's why I gotta make sure to keep it safe.
00:04:19,260 --> 00:04:21,387 Randy Marsh.
00:04:21,512 --> 00:04:22,972 Oh, crap!
00:04:23,097 --> 00:04:24,348 What the hell do you think you're doing
00:04:24,473 --> 00:04:25,766 keeping that thing in our house?!
00:04:25,891 --> 00:04:26,934 The guys agree, Sharon.
00:04:27,059 --> 00:04:28,602 It could be a record holder.
00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:31,438 Why are men so obsessed with how big their crap is?!
00:04:34,525 --> 00:04:36,402 <i>Guinness World Records America.</i>
00:04:36,527 --> 00:04:38,112 How can I help you?
00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:41,949 The biggest crap?
00:04:42,074 --> 00:04:46,620 We actually don't keep track of that record, sir.
00:04:46,745 --> 00:04:49,707 Because we don't want to.
00:04:49,832 --> 00:04:52,084 Look, we get calls from men all the time
00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:53,794 who believe they took the biggest crap,
00:04:53,919 --> 00:04:55,087 and we simply can't handle
00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:57,131 all the measuring and verification.
00:04:57,256 --> 00:04:58,924 You need to call
00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:00,926 "The European Fecal Standards and Measurements Office"
00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:02,553 in Zurich.
00:05:02,678 --> 00:05:04,555 You're welcome.
00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:06,432 Jeez, another one.
00:05:06,557 --> 00:05:07,933 ( phone ringing )
00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:09,685 <i>Guinness World Records America.</i>
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:12,146 Uh, yes, hello, my name is Randy Marsh,
00:05:12,271 --> 00:05:16,567 and I believe I took the world's biggest crap.
00:05:16,692 --> 00:05:18,027 ( sighing )
00:05:18,152 --> 00:05:19,653 You need to call
00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:21,363 "The European Fecal Standards and Measurements Office"
00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:22,906 in Zurich.
00:05:23,032 --> 00:05:25,701 Their number is listed on their website.
00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:33,125 Heir president, take a look at this.
00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:35,294 It is a crap sent to us from the United States.
00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:37,796 Very nice.
00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:39,465 Has it been checked for accuracy?
00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:41,300 It appears to be legitimate.
00:05:41,425 --> 00:05:43,844 Based on the photo, we estimate that the crap
00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:46,847 is over 8 and a half <i>courics</i>!
00:05:46,972 --> 00:05:51,060 We better get on a plane right away.
00:05:55,939 --> 00:05:57,524 <i>Hmm, ern snussen</i>?
00:05:57,649 --> 00:05:59,443 <i>Brier en snussen aitch.</i>
00:05:59,568 --> 00:06:01,528 ( sniffing )
00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:05,240 What was your primary diet for this poo, Mr. Marsh?
00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:07,117 Mostly <i>P.F. Chang's,</i>
00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:09,787 General Tso's chicken, and then a lot of
00:06:09,912 --> 00:06:13,123 <i>Aunt Jemima</i> frozen sausage biscuits in the mornings.
00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:15,793 I believe I detect some cabbage as well?
00:06:15,918 --> 00:06:17,836 Oh, yes, I had a lot of kimchi.
00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:20,798 You have got to be kidding me.
00:06:20,923 --> 00:06:22,841 These guys are from Zurich, Sharon!
00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:24,093 They're Europeans!
00:06:24,218 --> 00:06:26,678 It is a tremendous crap, Mr. Marsh.
00:06:26,804 --> 00:06:29,098 For the love of God.
00:06:29,223 --> 00:06:34,019 Your crap officially weighs 8.6 courics.
00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:35,604 Courics?
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:38,148 The standard measuring unit for human feces.
00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:40,109 One Katie Couric is approximately
00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:42,236 2 and a half pounds of excrement.
00:06:42,361 --> 00:06:45,906 The current record is a crap weighing 7.5 courics.
00:06:46,031 --> 00:06:47,658 But that means...
00:06:47,783 --> 00:06:49,076 That's right.
00:06:49,201 --> 00:06:51,370 You are the new world champion!
00:06:51,495 --> 00:06:52,579 Really?!
00:06:52,704 --> 00:06:54,373 You mean-- really?!
00:06:54,498 --> 00:06:55,749 ( laughing hysterically )
00:06:57,209 --> 00:06:59,086 Hey, Stan! Hey, Sharon!
00:06:59,211 --> 00:07:01,255 Hey, everybody!
00:07:01,380 --> 00:07:04,508 Well, I guess we better call the old champion
00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:08,762 and let him know his record has just been broken.
00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:11,682 He has won 22 Grammys,
00:07:11,807 --> 00:07:13,392 countless humanitarian awards,
00:07:13,517 --> 00:07:15,894 and is the only person ever to be nominated
00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:17,229 for an Academy Award,
00:07:17,354 --> 00:07:19,940 a Golden Globe, and the Nobel Peace Prize.
00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:22,901 Ladies and gentlemen, Bono.
00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:24,653 ( applause )
00:07:26,697 --> 00:07:28,282 Thank you.
00:07:28,407 --> 00:07:29,908 Thank you so much for this newest award.
00:07:30,033 --> 00:07:31,660 It means so much.
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,328 ( phone ringing )
00:07:33,454 --> 00:07:34,496 Oh, excuse me.
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:36,165 I must be getting another award.
00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:37,249 Yes?
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:38,667 Yes, Bono, sir,
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,419 We wish to inform you that your record
00:07:40,544 --> 00:07:44,089 for biggest crap has just been broken.
00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:45,215 What?!
00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:46,633 That's impossible!
00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:48,635 How big was it?!
00:07:56,602 --> 00:07:57,853 We are here to honor
00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:00,063 the first American to bring home
00:08:00,189 --> 00:08:02,691 the distinguished E.F.S.M. Medal
00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,985 for "biggest crap ever taken."
00:08:07,446 --> 00:08:09,072 Hey, look, Sharon, it's the president!
00:08:09,198 --> 00:08:10,908 Hey, hey, Sharon.
00:08:11,033 --> 00:08:12,910 To present the award,
00:08:13,035 --> 00:08:15,370 I give you the dean of the E.F.S.M.,
00:08:15,496 --> 00:08:17,247 Sir Orlaf Brolof.
00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:19,374 ( cheering )
00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:22,419 Thank you, senator.
00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:24,296 For over 100 years now,
00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:26,965 the European Fecal Standards and Measures--
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:29,510 Heir Brolof, Heir Brolof!
00:08:30,636 --> 00:08:31,887 <i>Desh pointen auf</i>?
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,639 Ladies and gentlemen, I understand we have
00:08:33,764 --> 00:08:36,225 just received a special video-taped announcement
00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:38,810 from Bono!
00:08:38,936 --> 00:08:40,896 Bono! - Oh, Bono! - Oh, cool!
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:44,024 Could we play the tape on the big screen, please?
00:08:44,149 --> 00:08:45,943 Hello, everyone.
00:08:46,068 --> 00:08:49,029 I am Bono.
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:52,199 ♪ Hello hello ♪
00:08:52,324 --> 00:08:53,784 ♪ Hello hello ♪
00:08:53,909 --> 00:08:56,537 ♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪
00:08:58,205 --> 00:09:00,374 For years, it has been my honor to try
00:09:00,499 --> 00:09:02,543 and bring focus to the needs in Africa,
00:09:02,668 --> 00:09:05,671 and today I have very exciting news.
00:09:05,796 --> 00:09:08,131 Last night, at 20 past 8:00,
00:09:08,257 --> 00:09:11,885 I took a crap weighing 9 and a half courics.
00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:13,762 ( all gasping )
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,681 Bono?
00:09:15,806 --> 00:09:18,642 As you can see, it is one solid piece.
00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:20,852 It is my biggest crap to date.
00:09:20,978 --> 00:09:23,230 And I swear to its authenticity.
00:09:23,355 --> 00:09:25,566 Thank you and God bless.
00:09:25,691 --> 00:09:28,318 ♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:32,948 You heard it, ladies and gentlemen!
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:36,368 The official biggest crap is 9.5 courics!
00:09:36,493 --> 00:09:38,662 Congratulations to Bono!
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:43,041 Bono!
00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:44,167 Woo!
00:09:48,422 --> 00:09:50,757 ( sobbing quietly )
00:09:57,222 --> 00:09:59,474 Dad, um...
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:01,893 I think dinner's almost ready.
00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:04,187 I almost did it.
00:10:04,313 --> 00:10:07,608 I almost made something of myself.
00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:09,735 You know when you get real close,
00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:10,777 you start to think that
00:10:10,902 --> 00:10:13,739 maybe your life is going to matter.
00:10:13,864 --> 00:10:18,910 I mean, this was something I made,
00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:21,121 something that came from me,
00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:23,582 that was a part of me.
00:10:23,707 --> 00:10:27,794 The only thing I ever made that was any good.
00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:32,090 Gee... Thanks a lot, dad.
00:10:32,215 --> 00:10:33,592 You're welcome.
00:10:33,717 --> 00:10:36,219 And I just... I know that this late in my life
00:10:36,345 --> 00:10:41,016 I'll never come so close to finally having meaning.
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:44,102 Come on, guys, lasagna's ready.
00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:47,814 Oh, lasagna's ready.
00:10:47,939 --> 00:10:49,316 You hear that, Stan?
00:10:49,441 --> 00:10:52,361 Mom says lasagna is ready.
00:10:52,486 --> 00:10:55,489 I can see through your sarcasm, Sharon.
00:10:55,614 --> 00:10:56,990 What are you talking about?
00:10:57,115 --> 00:10:58,742 You can say it, Sharon.
00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:00,869 I know Bono is better than me!
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:04,081 I'm sorry I'm not Bono, all right?!
00:11:04,206 --> 00:11:05,624 I'm sorry I don't have billions of dollars
00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:07,959 and a Nobel-Prize nomination!
00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:09,878 Randy, this is ridiculous.
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,172 Oh, that's real mature, Sharon.
00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:14,299 Just act like everything is funny.
00:11:14,424 --> 00:11:16,051 It's a big joke to you, isn't it?
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:17,719 Just a big joke!
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:19,388 Don't touch me!
00:11:19,513 --> 00:11:22,599 Can you believe him?
00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:25,811 All this over what guy took the biggest crap!
00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:27,479 You don't understand, Mom.
00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:29,022 You just don't understand.
00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:31,983 Wha-wha...
00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:38,323 ♪ The longest goodbye... ♪
00:11:40,242 --> 00:11:41,660 How come they just let that Bono guy
00:11:41,785 --> 00:11:44,079 send a picture of his crap?
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,081 'Cause he's Bono, that's why.
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:47,374 But he could have faked it.
00:11:47,499 --> 00:11:48,500 It isn't fair.
00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:49,876 Doesn't matter.
00:11:50,001 --> 00:11:51,002 He's got the record now.
00:11:51,128 --> 00:11:52,754 There's nothing I can do.
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:54,965 Oh, yes, there is.
00:11:55,090 --> 00:11:56,341 You can do it again.
00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:57,426 What?
00:11:57,551 --> 00:11:59,052 Think about it.
00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:00,137 You weren't even trying to take
00:12:00,262 --> 00:12:01,888 the biggest crap last time.
00:12:02,013 --> 00:12:04,433 Imagine if you actually worked at it.
00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:05,976 Hey, hey, that's right.
00:12:06,101 --> 00:12:07,477 No.
00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:09,312 I can't go through all that again.
00:12:09,438 --> 00:12:10,313 It's too much.
00:12:10,439 --> 00:12:12,065 Come on, Randy.
00:12:12,190 --> 00:12:14,109 I'll bet you can crap that big again easy!
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:15,902 With the right diet and training,
00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:17,446 who knows what you're capable of?!
00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:18,488 Guys, forget it!
00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:19,990 It's over.
00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:21,158 It was a fluke crap.
00:12:21,283 --> 00:12:23,535 I'll never take one that big again.
00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:25,245 Is it over, Randy?
00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:27,164 We all saw that crap you took.
00:12:27,289 --> 00:12:28,915 That was no fluke.
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:33,003 There's something inside you that made you able to do it.
00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:34,921 Randy, you have a gift.
00:12:35,046 --> 00:12:37,591 Now, who knows why God chose you, but he did.
00:12:37,716 --> 00:12:39,176 And if you walk away now,
00:12:39,301 --> 00:12:43,013 you'll always wonder how big a crap
00:12:43,138 --> 00:12:45,974 you could have taken.
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:49,186 I would need a lot of help.
00:12:49,311 --> 00:12:50,854 That's what we're here for.
00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:53,523 Come on, Randy, what do you say?!
00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:56,026 I say...
00:12:56,151 --> 00:12:59,571 Let's give Bono a run for his money.
00:12:59,696 --> 00:13:01,656 Yeah! All right, Randy!
00:13:01,782 --> 00:13:04,201 Yeah!
00:13:04,326 --> 00:13:05,660 Yeah!
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:09,289 ( announcer ) This is <i>CNN Headline News.</i>
00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:11,500 Tonight, a possible attack on Iran
00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:14,878 may mean the beginning of a new war in the Middle East.
00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:16,713 Oh, no.
00:13:16,838 --> 00:13:19,716 But first, the record for the world's biggest crap.
00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:21,176 Will it again be broken?
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:22,719 Ugh!
00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:24,429 Randy Marsh of Colorado is now three weeks
00:13:24,554 --> 00:13:26,431 into his quest to make a new crap,
00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:30,143 spending nearly every waking hour at <i>P.F. Chang's.</i>
00:13:30,268 --> 00:13:32,187 Is this really news worthy?
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:34,439 You just don't understand.
00:13:34,564 --> 00:13:37,025 You're right, I don't.
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,777 At the same time, some people are questioning
00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:40,445 Bono's current record entry,
00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:43,448 saying, nobody has ever seen it in person.
00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:45,116 Bono could not be reached for comment
00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:47,744 as he is currently in Africa, helping the needy.
00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:50,872 ♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪
00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:53,166 ♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪
00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:54,626 ( phone ringing )
00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:56,670 ♪ Hello hello ♪
00:13:56,795 --> 00:13:59,840 Marsh is attempting to break the record again.
00:13:59,965 --> 00:14:01,424 We thought you should know.
00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:03,969 He can't beat my 9 and a half courics!
00:14:04,094 --> 00:14:06,304 Well, he's going to try.
00:14:06,429 --> 00:14:07,973 Fine!
00:14:08,098 --> 00:14:09,641 But he has to take the crap in front of you,
00:14:09,766 --> 00:14:11,017 in Zurich.
00:14:11,142 --> 00:14:13,895 Bono, we've never had that rule before.
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:16,231 It's the only way you can know he's not cheating!
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:19,484 If he doesn't crap in Zurich, it shouldn't count!
00:14:22,237 --> 00:14:23,780 Ultrasound is very simple, Mr. Marsh.
00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:24,739 We're going to use harmless waves
00:14:24,865 --> 00:14:26,366 to look inside your belly.
00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:29,160 Just gonna put some warm gel on your stomach first.
00:14:29,286 --> 00:14:30,453 Ooh.
00:14:30,579 --> 00:14:31,454 Okay, take a deep breath.
00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:32,664 ( inhaling )
00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:34,791 I see the crap now.
00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:37,627 I can't say for sure, but I'd say it's about...
00:14:37,752 --> 00:14:39,337 14 courics.
00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:40,630 14!
00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:41,673 That's great, Randy!
00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:43,133 Can I see it?
00:14:43,258 --> 00:14:46,469 Sure, this is your colon,
00:14:46,595 --> 00:14:49,347 and here... Is the feces growing inside your belly.
00:14:49,472 --> 00:14:51,975 ( music box music )
00:14:53,852 --> 00:14:55,979 Ahh...
00:15:04,154 --> 00:15:05,572 Guys, we have a problem!
00:15:05,697 --> 00:15:07,324 I talked to the E.F.S.M. And they say that Randy
00:15:07,449 --> 00:15:09,242 has to take the crap in Zurich.
00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:10,785 In Zurich?!
00:15:10,911 --> 00:15:12,245 They say Bono is demanding it
00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:13,830 and that their hands are tied.
00:15:13,955 --> 00:15:15,081 I'm sorry, Mr. Marsh.
00:15:15,206 --> 00:15:16,708 I cannot condone you traveling on an airplane
00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:18,543 in your condition.
00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:21,630 It is never safe to fly during your turd trimester.
00:15:25,216 --> 00:15:26,593 ( doorbell ringing )
00:15:26,718 --> 00:15:29,679 Hi, could I speak with Mr. Bono, please?
00:15:29,804 --> 00:15:32,891 Mr. Bono, you have a young gentlemen caller.
00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:37,520 ♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪
00:15:37,646 --> 00:15:39,022 Get the jet ready, Belvis.
00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:40,649 I've got to be going.
00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:42,901 Hi, my name is Stan Marsh.
00:15:43,026 --> 00:15:45,278 My dad's trying to beat your record for biggest crap.
00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:46,780 Oh, right.
00:15:46,905 --> 00:15:48,365 He can't make it to Zurich, right?
00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:49,824 That's kind of what I'm here for.
00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:51,993 Do you really need the biggest crap record?
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:53,286 Could you maybe see your way to just
00:15:53,411 --> 00:15:55,246 letting my dad have this one?
00:15:55,372 --> 00:15:57,040 Let him have it?
00:15:57,165 --> 00:15:58,750 Why would I do that?
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:01,002 Look, you gotta understand, sir,
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:03,088 my dad's never won an award for anything.
00:16:03,213 --> 00:16:04,381 Ever.
00:16:04,506 --> 00:16:06,341 He doesn't have one single trophy.
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:08,134 I mean even I have a second-place trophy
00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:10,220 for most <i>Sports Illustrated</i> subscriptions sold.
00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:13,765 I have the first-place trophy for that.
00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:16,518 Dude, don't you have enough?
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:18,269 I mean, you've got tons of money, a jet,
00:16:18,395 --> 00:16:20,188 the biggest rock band in the world,
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,856 a hot wife, and you've been knighted.
00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:23,358 I mean, at some point,
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,443 can't you just kind of fuck off?
00:16:25,568 --> 00:16:27,737 I want people to know that I'm worth something,
00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:29,489 that I matter.
00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:31,574 All I'm asking is that maybe with this one thing
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:33,493 let my dad be number one
00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:35,453 and you can still be number two.
00:16:35,578 --> 00:16:37,622 Number two?!
00:16:37,747 --> 00:16:39,374 Number two?!
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:42,919 Nobody calls me that anymore and gets away with it!
00:16:43,044 --> 00:16:44,713 Take it back!
00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:46,381 Take it back!
00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:47,340 I take it back!
00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:48,675 Say I'm not number two!
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,093 You're not number two!
00:16:50,218 --> 00:16:52,095 That's right I'm not!
00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:54,764 ♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪
00:16:57,017 --> 00:16:59,102 What is wrong with that guy?
00:16:59,227 --> 00:17:00,603 Your father is in great danger.
00:17:00,729 --> 00:17:02,564 Come with me.
00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:11,489 Hrghh... Ugh ugh...
00:17:11,614 --> 00:17:14,701 ( panting )
00:17:14,826 --> 00:17:17,203 Hrghh... Grrhh...
00:17:17,328 --> 00:17:19,539 Rrgghhh...
00:17:19,664 --> 00:17:22,167 It must be quite a crap.
00:17:22,292 --> 00:17:24,252 Come on, Randy, you have to push!
00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:26,087 Ahghghhggh...
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:26,963 ( panting )
00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:28,798 Ahghhhggh...
00:17:30,592 --> 00:17:31,593 What are you saying?
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:33,219 How do you know my dad is gonna die?!
00:17:33,344 --> 00:17:36,181 Because nobody has ever taken a crap that big before.
00:17:36,306 --> 00:17:38,391 So Bono's newest record is a lie!
00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:40,393 Look, I first new something was wrong
00:17:40,518 --> 00:17:43,146 when I looked at Bono's first award for biggest crap.
00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:45,607 It said he took it in 1960.
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:47,108 So?
00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:49,986 So that's the year Bono was born.
00:17:50,111 --> 00:17:51,321 Then it all made sense to me.
00:17:51,446 --> 00:17:53,865 How could Bono be so talented, so caring,
00:17:53,990 --> 00:17:56,367 and yet seem like such a piece of crap?
00:17:56,493 --> 00:17:58,578 Because he is crap.
00:17:58,703 --> 00:17:59,621 Don't you get it?!
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:01,831 Bono is not the record holder...
00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:05,543 He's the record.
00:18:05,668 --> 00:18:07,420 Yes.
00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:10,507 Ahghgghgh...
00:18:10,632 --> 00:18:15,011 I can't do it, I can't do it.
00:18:15,136 --> 00:18:17,055 The crap is simply too big, Mr. Marsh.
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:19,224 We must perform a Caesarean.
00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:21,351 But then does it still count?
00:18:21,476 --> 00:18:22,811 Oh, no!
00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:25,146 A biggest crap means you crapped it out.
00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:27,357 I believe that's true.
00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:28,983 We are sorry, Mr. Marsh,
00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:31,611 but if you cannot crap out the crap,
00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:34,572 it's not really a crap.
00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:37,075 No, no...
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,827 There, there, Randy.
00:18:38,952 --> 00:18:41,371 You... You gave it your best shot.
00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:42,539 I want my wife.
00:18:42,664 --> 00:18:43,748 Sharon?!
00:18:43,873 --> 00:18:44,707 Sharon?!
00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:46,459 What?
00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:48,169 I'm sorry, Sharon.
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:50,755 I'm sorry that I let you down.
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:54,008 Sorry I can't crap like Bono.
00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:55,677 Well, congratulations, Bono.
00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:58,221 It appears your record is intact.
00:18:58,346 --> 00:18:59,806 I had a feeling it would be.
00:18:59,931 --> 00:19:01,224 Wait, stop!
00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:03,476 Dad, your old crap counts!
00:19:03,601 --> 00:19:05,395 Bono never took a second crap that beat yours!
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,605 Get him out of here!
00:19:07,730 --> 00:19:10,316 What are you talking about, young man?
00:19:10,441 --> 00:19:12,193 Somebody's been keeping it a secret.
00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:13,611 Bono was never the record holder.
00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:15,780 He's the record.
00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:17,824 It's not true!
00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:19,033 Kill that kid!
00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:20,660 I want him dead!
00:19:20,785 --> 00:19:22,912 It's too late, Bono.
00:19:23,037 --> 00:19:25,498 The boy has learned the truth.
00:19:25,623 --> 00:19:28,251 Heir Brolof, what do you know of this?
00:19:28,376 --> 00:19:30,128 It's true, I'm afraid.
00:19:30,253 --> 00:19:33,089 You see, until Mr. Marsh came along,
00:19:33,214 --> 00:19:36,009 I was the record holder for the biggest crap.
00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:38,178 I took it back in 1960.
00:19:38,303 --> 00:19:40,763 It was the most amazing crap I'd ever taken.
00:19:40,889 --> 00:19:42,223 Papa, no!
00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:44,475 Say nothing more!
00:19:44,601 --> 00:19:45,935 Come to me, my darling precious child.
00:19:48,771 --> 00:19:51,065 ( crying )
00:19:53,443 --> 00:19:56,196 After I had broken the record, I took the crap home.
00:19:56,321 --> 00:19:59,699 I was so proud of it that I decided to keep it,
00:19:59,824 --> 00:20:01,868 to try and raise it like a child.
00:20:01,993 --> 00:20:03,286 No, Papa.
00:20:03,411 --> 00:20:05,121 No, Papa.
00:20:05,246 --> 00:20:08,333 There, there, my little crap, don't cry.
00:20:08,458 --> 00:20:10,084 Here, do you want the biddy?
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:11,502 Hmm?
00:20:11,628 --> 00:20:13,171 Does Bono want the biddy?
00:20:13,296 --> 00:20:15,590 ( slurping )
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,675 Yes, he likes the biddy, doesn't he?
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:19,844 Dude.
00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:21,930 I kept the crap in my office.
00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:23,640 Nursed it, fed it biddy.
00:20:23,765 --> 00:20:25,975 And soon biddy made him strong,
00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:27,602 biddy made him grow up...
00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:30,521 Into one of the most influential figures of our time.
00:20:30,647 --> 00:20:32,815 Easy, Bono, that hurts the biddy.
00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:35,068 Biddy!
00:20:35,193 --> 00:20:38,363 My little crap has accomplished many things,
00:20:38,488 --> 00:20:39,781 but he could never shed the fact
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:43,076 that he was really a number two.
00:20:43,201 --> 00:20:45,453 So he spent his life trying to be number one...
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,080 In everything.
00:20:47,205 --> 00:20:48,748 That's why he's able to do so much,
00:20:48,873 --> 00:20:50,333 try to help so many people,
00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:52,085 but still seem like such a piece of shit.
00:20:52,210 --> 00:20:53,711 You have blemished
00:20:53,836 --> 00:20:55,713 this noble society's good name, Heir Brolof!
00:20:55,838 --> 00:20:57,048 Have I?!
00:20:57,173 --> 00:20:59,175 Look at the crap I took all those years ago!
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:01,302 Bono is now almost six feet tall
00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:03,304 and over 80 courics in weight!
00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:05,014 No matter how you look at it,
00:21:05,139 --> 00:21:07,600 he is still the record!
00:21:07,725 --> 00:21:09,435 Oh, God, here it comes!
00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:10,770 Oh, hot, hot, hot, hot!
00:21:10,895 --> 00:21:13,022 Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!
00:21:13,147 --> 00:21:16,025 Ha-ha-haaa...
00:21:20,697 --> 00:21:22,282 My God!
00:21:22,407 --> 00:21:24,909 It must over 100 courics!
00:21:25,034 --> 00:21:26,035 Dad, are you all right?
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:27,453 Yeah, I'm...
00:21:27,578 --> 00:21:28,746 Yeah, I'm good.
00:21:28,871 --> 00:21:30,081 I feel a lot better.
00:21:30,206 --> 00:21:32,208 Mr. Marsh, we apologize.
00:21:32,333 --> 00:21:35,211 And if it's okay with you, we would like to present you
00:21:35,336 --> 00:21:38,131 your long-overdue trophy.
00:21:40,049 --> 00:21:41,384 Thrrrrpt!

Скриншоты

Больше дерьма — скриншот 1

Больше дерьма — скриншот 2

Больше дерьма — скриншот 3

Больше дерьма — скриншот 4

Больше дерьма — скриншот 5

Больше дерьма — скриншот 6

Больше дерьма — скриншот 7

Больше дерьма — скриншот 8

Больше дерьма — скриншот 9

Больше дерьма — скриншот 10

Больше дерьма — скриншот 11

Больше дерьма — скриншот 12

Больше дерьма — скриншот 13

Больше дерьма — скриншот 14

Больше дерьма — скриншот 15

Больше дерьма — скриншот 16

Больше дерьма — скриншот 17

Больше дерьма — скриншот 18

Больше дерьма — скриншот 19

Больше дерьма — скриншот 20

Больше дерьма — скриншот 21

Больше дерьма — скриншот 22

Больше дерьма — скриншот 23

Больше дерьма — скриншот 24

Больше дерьма — скриншот 25

Больше дерьма — скриншот 26

Больше дерьма — скриншот 27