D-Yikes!

00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,430

♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:00:12,555 --> 00:00:13,973

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:14,098 --> 00:00:15,641

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:16,976

♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:00:17,101 --> 00:00:19,061

♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:20,813

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:00:20,938 --> 00:00:22,440

♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

00:00:22,565 --> 00:00:23,774

♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

00:00:23,899 --> 00:00:25,568

♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

00:00:29,113 --> 00:00:30,281

♪ Come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:30,406 --> 00:00:31,449

♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:41,500

Everyone sit down

and shut the fuck up!

00:00:41,625 --> 00:00:44,754

God damn it,

stupid-ass men!

00:00:44,879 --> 00:00:46,714

They're all the same!

00:00:46,839 --> 00:00:47,965

Oh, God,

here we go again.

00:00:48,090 --> 00:00:50,009

All men care about

is sex.

00:00:50,134 --> 00:00:51,260

I spent two hours

00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:53,012

getting ready

for that stupid date!

00:00:53,137 --> 00:00:54,638

And when the bastard

checks out my body

00:00:54,764 --> 00:00:56,015

he just says,

00:00:56,140 --> 00:00:58,184

"Hey, did you used to be

a guy, or something?"

00:00:58,309 --> 00:01:01,145

I'm a woman now,

so what's it matter?

00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:02,855

Oh-oh,

this isn't good.

00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:04,732

Did I say something

to you, sugartits?

00:01:04,857 --> 00:01:06,317

No, ma'am.

00:01:06,442 --> 00:01:07,860

You boys

make me sick!

00:01:07,985 --> 00:01:09,779

You're well on your way

to being men

00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:12,490

who only think

with their penises!

00:01:12,615 --> 00:01:14,909

I am assigning all of you

weekend homework.

00:01:15,034 --> 00:01:16,827

You are going to

read Hemingway's book

00:01:16,952 --> 00:01:19,580

The Old Man and The Sea.

00:01:19,705 --> 00:01:21,165

Have you

lost your mind?

00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:23,375

Dude, we can't read an

entire book in one weekend!

00:01:23,501 --> 00:01:25,252

Oh, that's

too bad, dude.

00:01:25,377 --> 00:01:26,587

Maybe if you boys

00:01:26,712 --> 00:01:28,589

could keep your

penises in your pants

00:01:28,714 --> 00:01:30,716

once in a while,

you'd get more done!

00:01:30,841 --> 00:01:32,760

But, Teacher, my penis

never slips out my pants!

00:01:32,885 --> 00:01:35,054

Except sometimes when

I'm wearing pajamas!

00:01:35,179 --> 00:01:37,640

If you do not have an essay

written on Monday,

00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:38,766

then you will fail!

00:01:38,891 --> 00:01:40,476

Is that clear?

00:01:41,894 --> 00:01:43,229

Dude, how are

we supposed to

00:01:43,354 --> 00:01:44,730

read an entire book

over the weekend

00:01:44,855 --> 00:01:45,981

and write an essay?

00:01:46,107 --> 00:01:47,691

Our whole weekend

is shot!

00:01:47,817 --> 00:01:49,110

What the

hell are we gonna do?

00:01:49,235 --> 00:01:50,694

You guys,

you guys, relax.

00:01:50,820 --> 00:01:51,946

We don't have to

read the book

00:01:52,071 --> 00:01:53,197

or write the essay.

00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:54,698

We don't?

00:01:54,824 --> 00:01:56,575

No... There's people

you can hire

00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:57,827

to do these

kinds of things.

00:02:03,374 --> 00:02:05,626

Que pasol?

Que pasol?

00:02:05,751 --> 00:02:06,919

Looking for work,

si, trabajo?

00:02:07,044 --> 00:02:09,630

Yes.

We all can work, si.

00:02:09,755 --> 00:02:11,715

Okay, listen up,

Mexicans, we need you to read

00:02:11,841 --> 00:02:13,134

The Old Man and The Sea

for us.

00:02:13,259 --> 00:02:14,301

Comprende?

00:02:14,426 --> 00:02:17,721

E old man y la mer.

00:02:17,847 --> 00:02:19,140

Okay. - Okay.

- Sure

00:02:19,265 --> 00:02:20,516

Here-- we need you

to work together,

00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:22,226

read the book,

and write four essays.

00:02:22,351 --> 00:02:23,435

Comprende?

00:02:23,561 --> 00:02:25,271

La summarizia.

00:02:25,396 --> 00:02:27,022

Okay, no problem.

- That's no problem.

00:02:27,148 --> 00:02:28,607

Yeah, we can do that.

Si, la summarazia.

00:02:28,732 --> 00:02:29,984

Okay, gracias.

00:02:30,109 --> 00:02:31,277

Gracias!

- Gracias!

00:02:31,402 --> 00:02:32,278

Dude, that is awesome.

00:02:32,403 --> 00:02:33,487

I had no idea

you could do that.

00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:34,488

Oh, yeah, dude,

having Mexicans around

00:02:34,613 --> 00:02:35,656

totally kicks fuckin' ass.

00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:40,619

They can all

rot in hell!

00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:42,663

Who needs men anyway!

00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:44,874

They're God damn arrogant,

self-centered assholes

00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:46,417

is what they are!

00:02:46,542 --> 00:02:48,085

Are you okay, hon?

00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:49,837

I just hate men

is all.

00:02:49,962 --> 00:02:50,838

It's like all

they care about

00:02:50,963 --> 00:02:52,464

is how hot

you look.

00:02:52,590 --> 00:02:54,341

Yeah, I've never

been into men.

00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:55,593

That's why

I workout here.

00:02:55,718 --> 00:02:57,094

Since it's women only,

00:02:57,219 --> 00:02:58,971

we don't get oogled at

or feel self-conscious.

00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:00,306

Tell me about it.

00:03:00,431 --> 00:03:02,141

I can't even stretch

at a normal gym

00:03:02,266 --> 00:03:04,810

without a some guy

trying to stare down my vag.

00:03:04,935 --> 00:03:06,770

I'm Allison.

00:03:06,896 --> 00:03:09,190

Oh, I'm Janet--

Janet Garrison.

00:03:09,315 --> 00:03:11,066

Sorry I'm so

pissed off.

00:03:11,192 --> 00:03:12,735

No, I like it.

00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:14,486

You seem like

a very strong woman.

00:03:14,612 --> 00:03:16,197

Yeah, I've been

told that.

00:03:16,322 --> 00:03:18,073

How come I've never seen you

down at the girl bar?

00:03:18,199 --> 00:03:19,450

Girl bar?

00:03:19,575 --> 00:03:21,202

I never even knew

there was such a place.

00:03:21,327 --> 00:03:22,578

Oh, you'd love it.

00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:23,871

It's the only bar in town

where women like us

00:03:23,996 --> 00:03:25,664

can hang out

and be ourselves.

00:03:25,789 --> 00:03:27,082

It's called Les Bos.

00:03:33,505 --> 00:03:34,381

Hi, Linda, hi, Kate.

00:03:34,506 --> 00:03:36,383

Hey, Allison.

00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:37,885

Who is the new girl?

00:03:38,010 --> 00:03:40,554

Allison always goes

for the butch ones.

00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:41,847

Hey, Nel,

whassup, Tracy?

00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:44,350

What a great place!

00:03:44,475 --> 00:03:46,602

All the girls here

seem to know each other!

00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:48,562

Yeah, well, most of

the girls here

00:03:48,687 --> 00:03:49,813

have done each other.

00:03:49,939 --> 00:03:51,315

Yeah...

00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:52,650

Done what?

00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:54,318

You know...

Had sex.

00:03:57,238 --> 00:03:59,949

Oh, my God, this is

a lesbian bar?!

00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:02,701

Yeah, I-- thought

you understood that.

00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:04,954

Oh, jeez!

00:04:05,079 --> 00:04:07,915

I'm sorry, I thought you

knew what "girl bar" meant.

00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:10,834

But I'm not a--

whoa... Whoa...

00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,421

Janet, I'm really sorry.

00:04:14,546 --> 00:04:15,798

It's just that

at the gym

00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:17,174

you said you didn't

like being with men

00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:18,175

so I thought

you were a--

00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:19,635

I don't like

being with men!

00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:22,972

They're perverted,

selfish pigs!

00:04:23,097 --> 00:04:27,059

Have you... Never even

thought of being with...

00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:28,727

Another woman?

00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:33,857

Oh, goodness, no,

of course I haven't!

00:04:33,983 --> 00:04:36,193

I mean... Really

I don't even understand

00:04:36,318 --> 00:04:39,446

how two woman can...

Make love.

00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:41,031

I mean, unless

they just kind of...

00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:42,992

Scissor or something.

00:04:43,117 --> 00:04:45,327

There are a lot of ways

to make love, Janet.

00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:47,496

I guess I'd be

lying if I said

00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:51,792

I wasn't a little...

Tittylated.

00:04:51,917 --> 00:04:55,587

Could I...

Maybe kiss you?

00:04:55,713 --> 00:04:57,589

Oh, this is wrong!

00:04:57,715 --> 00:05:00,050

You're another woman--

it doesn't make sense!

00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:01,593

Is it wrong, Janet?

00:05:01,719 --> 00:05:04,054

Let your

inhibitions go...

00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:05,556

Let's just have

fun tonight.

00:05:05,681 --> 00:05:06,765

No commitments...

00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:08,892

Just fun.

00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:16,400

♪ Come to my window ♪

00:05:16,525 --> 00:05:18,068

♪ Crawl inside ♪

00:05:18,193 --> 00:05:20,321

♪ Wait by the light... ♪

00:05:20,446 --> 00:05:22,448

Oh, yeah, scissor!

00:05:22,573 --> 00:05:24,033

Yeah, scissor me,

Allison!

00:05:24,158 --> 00:05:25,784

Janet, you're crazy!

00:05:25,909 --> 00:05:27,995

Oh, this is hot

scissoring!

00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:30,622

Ohhhh...

Scissor me timbers!

00:05:35,252 --> 00:05:36,879

They better be done with

the book reports!

00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:38,422

School starts

in fifteen minutes!

00:05:38,547 --> 00:05:39,298

They'll be done.

00:05:41,050 --> 00:05:42,176

Que pasol!

Que pasol!

00:05:42,301 --> 00:05:44,345

All right, did you

read the book?

00:05:44,470 --> 00:05:45,346

- Si.

Si.

- Si.

00:05:45,471 --> 00:05:46,597

What was it about?

00:05:46,722 --> 00:05:47,973

In case our teacher

asks us.

00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:50,142

It starts there's

the old man.

00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:53,562

And he job is to

catch the feesh.

00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,898

So he get in a boat

00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:57,941

to try and

catch a feesh.

00:05:58,067 --> 00:05:59,902

So he catch the feesh,

00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:01,779

but the feesh

is very strong--

00:06:01,904 --> 00:06:04,948

so the old man cannot

reel in the feesh.

00:06:05,074 --> 00:06:08,827

So then he fight

the feesh some more.

00:06:08,952 --> 00:06:11,372

And he finally catch

the feesh.

00:06:11,497 --> 00:06:13,916

He catches the feesh,

so then he can make money.

00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,293

No, because

on the way home...

00:06:16,418 --> 00:06:19,004

The sharks come and

eat the feesh.

00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:22,424

And so...

He no make money.

00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,428

that's it--

that's the whole story?

00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:27,638

Si.

00:06:27,763 --> 00:06:29,264

All right, did you write

the four essays.

00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:30,682

Si, we all wrote

es es for you.

00:06:30,808 --> 00:06:32,184

All right! All

right! All right!

00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:33,602

Okay, let's have 'em!

00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,646

Have what?

00:06:35,771 --> 00:06:37,606

You said you

all wrote essays!

00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:39,066

Where are they?

00:06:39,191 --> 00:06:41,443

Well, my ese

lives in Miami.

00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:42,903

I wrote to him,

like you said,

00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:44,988

but I don't think

he got the letter yet.

00:06:45,114 --> 00:06:46,740

I wrote my ese

in Albuquerque.

00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:48,492

I wrote three eses.

00:06:48,617 --> 00:06:51,036

My ese back home,

my ese in Denver,

00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:53,872

and my ese in Glenwood

even wrote me back!

00:06:53,997 --> 00:06:55,874

"Thanks for

writing me, ese."

00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:58,127

Oh-oh...

00:06:58,252 --> 00:07:00,629

Dude, we're totally

fucked now.

00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:01,713

Why the hell

would we pay you

00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:03,090

to write your friends?

00:07:03,215 --> 00:07:04,591

We thought it was

kind of strange.

00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:05,968

This is

your fault, Cartman!

00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:07,302

Now we're gonna fail!

00:07:07,428 --> 00:07:08,512

You guys, school starts

in ten minutes!

00:07:08,637 --> 00:07:10,180

Son of a bitch!

00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:15,060

Clyde, Clyde--

00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,854

Hey, Clyde, you didn't finish

your essay either, right?

00:07:16,979 --> 00:07:18,230

No, I got it done.

00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:20,774

Jimmy, did you finish

your book report?

00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:22,276

Yeah, I feel pretty

good about it.

00:07:22,401 --> 00:07:23,569

I finished my

whole book report

00:07:23,694 --> 00:07:25,612

and I got a really nice

letter from my ese

00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,114

who works down

at the U-Haul!

00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:31,910

Crap!

We're dead.

00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:34,288

♪ Hello, class ♪

00:07:34,413 --> 00:07:37,583

Here's my little desk...

And my nice little chalkboard.

00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:39,251

Mrs. Garrison,

about our book reports...

00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:40,961

Oh, that's okay, Eric.

00:07:41,086 --> 00:07:42,629

If you need a little more time

with your homework,

00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:44,548

just say so!

00:07:44,673 --> 00:07:46,175

Really?

00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:47,885

Kids, I need to

tell you something

00:07:48,010 --> 00:07:51,263

that you might find

shocking...

00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:54,183

I'm gay.

00:07:54,308 --> 00:07:55,559

Again?

00:07:55,684 --> 00:07:57,060

It was a shock

to me too.

00:07:57,186 --> 00:07:59,813

I met another

woman and...

00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:01,940

We went to this

fabulous bar called Les Bos,

00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:04,610

where I finally

felt at home.

00:08:04,735 --> 00:08:06,278

Allison and I talked

00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:08,864

and we really opened up

to each other and then we

00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:10,991

scissored all night long.

00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:14,036

You have to be careful

with scissors.

00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:15,746

But listen, I am not going to

00:08:15,871 --> 00:08:18,040

just rush into

a relationship with Allison.

00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:19,875

I'm a late-in-life lesbian,

00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,294

so I need to play the field

for a while, right?

00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:23,754

I'm so happy.

00:08:23,879 --> 00:08:25,255

That's great!

00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:27,216

Let's hear it for

teacher being a lesbian!

00:08:27,341 --> 00:08:28,300

Yay! Yay!

Yay!

00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:29,218

Tee-hee hee-hee!

00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:34,598

Hey, Tracy, hey, Kate!

00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:35,849

Hi, Janet.

00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:37,726

Looking hot, Linda.

00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:39,937

Wanna go somewhere

and scissor later on?

00:08:40,062 --> 00:08:41,230

Huh?

00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:42,648

Hey, Patty.

00:08:42,773 --> 00:08:43,982

Whassup, Janet?

00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:46,235

Ooh, stop giving me

that look,

00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:49,321

scissoring me

with your eyes.

00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:52,074

Hey, Janet, why don't you

pick up on your own girl?!

00:08:57,246 --> 00:08:59,081

Oh, yeah,

dyke fight!

00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:00,707

Oh!

00:09:04,586 --> 00:09:07,339

Oh, you kicked me

right in the pussy!

00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:10,592

Oh!

00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:14,263

Oh... Ohh,

we're scissoring!

00:09:14,388 --> 00:09:17,015

Oh, yeah, scissor... Oh!

00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:19,017

You guys,

you guys, stop it!

00:09:19,142 --> 00:09:20,644

Listen to me,

everybody...

00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:22,354

I got some bad news!

00:09:22,479 --> 00:09:24,648

What is it, Katie?

00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:28,402

They're closing down

the bar... For good!

00:09:28,527 --> 00:09:31,947

Closing it down?

They can't do that...

00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:33,865

This is our home.

00:09:33,991 --> 00:09:36,410

Yeah, this is

our home!

00:09:36,535 --> 00:09:38,453

Well, it's true,

I just talked to the owners.

00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:40,664

They've sold the bar

to Persians.

00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:44,084

Persians?!

00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:46,169

So where are we

supposed to go.

00:09:46,295 --> 00:09:47,838

We aren't

going anywhere!

00:09:47,963 --> 00:09:49,590

We have a history here!

00:09:49,715 --> 00:09:51,174

Persians are

closing this bar

00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:53,176

over my dead lesbian body!

00:09:58,181 --> 00:10:00,392

Mayor, this is an outrage!

00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:01,935

We are being

discriminated against

00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:03,353

as lesbians!

00:10:05,856 --> 00:10:07,065

You're a lesbian now?

00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:09,860

That's right.

A proud lesbian.

00:10:09,985 --> 00:10:12,112

And our home is

being taken away!

00:10:12,237 --> 00:10:14,448

The bar has been sold

to Persian club owners.

00:10:14,573 --> 00:10:15,824

I don't know what you want me

to do about it.

00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,659

Forbid the transaction.

00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,745

This is happening all over

the country, mayor.

00:10:19,870 --> 00:10:21,997

Lesbian bars being

bought out, shut down.

00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:23,332

It isn't right!

00:10:23,457 --> 00:10:24,750

Yeah! That's right!

Yeah!

00:10:24,875 --> 00:10:26,501

I'm sorry,

but my hands are tied.

00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:28,003

The new owners

plan to start

00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,212

redecorating

the bar tomorrow.

00:10:29,338 --> 00:10:30,631

You have to be out

by then.

00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:34,843

Have you seen

how Persians decorate?

00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:40,307

They will cover that bar

in cheesy blue carpeting,

00:10:40,432 --> 00:10:42,100

white statues and

gold curtain rods

00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:44,186

to the point that you

will want to puke.

00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:48,815

Mrs. Garrison,

get out of here.

00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:54,696

Well, here's to some

great times at this place.

00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:56,406

Yeah, guess we'll

just have to

00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:58,909

find somewhere else

to hang out...

00:10:59,034 --> 00:11:01,578

Now, come on, gals!

00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:02,996

I can't believe

what I'm hearing!

00:11:03,121 --> 00:11:04,665

We can't just give up!

00:11:04,790 --> 00:11:06,625

Well, what are we

supposed to do, Janet?

00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:08,085

We stand and fight.

00:11:08,210 --> 00:11:09,461

When the Persians come

we tell them,

00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:12,297

we aren't leaving "lesbos"!

00:11:12,422 --> 00:11:14,299

Actually,

it's Les Bos.

00:11:14,424 --> 00:11:17,344

No, it's "lesbos."

00:11:17,469 --> 00:11:20,222

We... Are lesbos.

00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:21,848

And as lesbos,

00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:23,475

we cannot just

stand and watch

00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:27,604

as one girl bar after another

gets shut down!

00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:29,690

The Persians have sent

somebody to talk to us.

00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,860

Hello, my name

is Amir Hadi.

00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:36,196

My boss sent me over here

because he heard you were

00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:39,199

upset about us trying to

take over the bar.

00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:41,034

Yes, we are.

00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:42,869

Well, we want to

assure you

00:11:42,994 --> 00:11:45,580

that when this place

becomes another Club Persh--

00:11:45,706 --> 00:11:49,084

you will all still be one

hundred percent welcome.

00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:52,045

All they want is to make

the place really nice.

00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:54,256

We're going to put down

some lovely blue carpet

00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:56,341

and gold curtain rods.

00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:58,260

I knew it, I knew it!

00:11:58,385 --> 00:11:59,761

But you are still

welcome to come.

00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:01,138

My boss wants

you to know

00:12:01,263 --> 00:12:02,889

that you will not be

discriminated against

00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:04,516

in any way.

00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:05,809

Would you allow

straight people in?

00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:07,227

Men?

00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:08,603

Well... We would

allow whoever--

00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:13,024

Choose your next words

wisely, Persian.

00:12:13,150 --> 00:12:15,110

Look, uh, we don't have to

offer you anything

00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,237

so I don't know why

you're being so difficult.

00:12:17,362 --> 00:12:18,739

This is crazy.

00:12:18,864 --> 00:12:22,743

No... This isn't crazy...

00:12:22,868 --> 00:12:25,662

This is lesbos!

00:12:27,873 --> 00:12:31,084

Ahhghghggh!

00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:32,753

How dare you!

00:12:35,297 --> 00:12:37,340

And so it had begun.

00:12:37,466 --> 00:12:40,427

By kicking the Persian

messenger in the balls,

00:12:40,552 --> 00:12:42,721

the lesbos had sent

a message.

00:12:42,846 --> 00:12:44,097

All over the country,

00:12:44,222 --> 00:12:46,975

lesbians heard of

the brave standoff.

00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,561

... As group of lesbians

in Colorado

00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:51,271

are refusing to

allow the new owners

00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:52,981

of their bar in--

00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:54,316

Good for them!

00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:55,609

You go, girls!

00:13:03,158 --> 00:13:05,494

The Persians

returned to their office

00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:08,330

and told their coworkers

how the 30 lesbos

00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:10,248

were refusing

to let them in.

00:13:10,373 --> 00:13:11,666

Well, fine!

00:13:11,792 --> 00:13:13,627

If they're going to

block the entrance,

00:13:13,752 --> 00:13:15,921

we'll just bring

like 60 of us!

00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:17,964

I'll call more

Persians for help.

00:13:28,725 --> 00:13:31,061

The hours passed quickly.

00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:33,939

And the lesbians boldly

stood out in front of their bar

00:13:34,064 --> 00:13:36,817

to stop the Persians

from entering.

00:13:36,942 --> 00:13:38,276

Here they come.

00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:51,540

There's so many of them!

00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:55,418

Lesbos...

Positions!

00:13:55,544 --> 00:13:57,546

Hoo! Hoo!

Hoo! Hoo!

00:13:58,547 --> 00:14:00,924

Lesbians, stand aside.

00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:03,051

We are coming in

and redecorating.

00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:04,553

The hell you are!

00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:06,054

You can take your

blue carpet

00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:07,514

and gold curtain rods

00:14:07,639 --> 00:14:09,599

and shove 'em up your

Persian buttholes!

00:14:09,724 --> 00:14:11,393

All right, come on.

00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:13,061

They can't

stop all of us.

00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:14,896

Ahghghh!

Aghghghghghggh!

00:14:19,818 --> 00:14:22,028

Lesbos,

remember this day!

00:14:22,153 --> 00:14:23,280

Remember this fight!

00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:35,750

Don't give them

an inch!

00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:37,419

Oho! Oof!

Agh!

00:14:39,963 --> 00:14:41,965

Ow!

Iranian faggot.

00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:44,676

Come on,

seriously!

00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:45,677

Let us in!

00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:47,262

Never!

00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:52,726

For hours the lesbos

kept the Persians back.

00:14:52,851 --> 00:14:54,477

Holding them off!

00:14:54,603 --> 00:14:56,187

Keeping them

from decorating!

00:14:56,313 --> 00:14:58,315

Aghghghghh!

00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:00,734

Finally, the Persians

grew tired!

00:15:00,859 --> 00:15:02,485

And many wanted

to go shopping

00:15:02,611 --> 00:15:04,863

for more

designer sunglasses.

00:15:04,988 --> 00:15:07,032

They retreated.

00:15:07,157 --> 00:15:09,409

The lesbos...

Had held.

00:15:11,912 --> 00:15:15,040

Lesbos!

00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:16,124

Hoo-uh! Hoo-uh!

Hoo-uh!

00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:17,542

Hoo-uh! Hoo-uh!

Hoo-uh!

00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:19,544

The Persians who did not

go shopping

00:15:19,669 --> 00:15:22,464

now knew they must

face their boss.

00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,341

Here he comes.

00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:31,389

Rauf Xerxis!

00:15:31,514 --> 00:15:33,683

He sat atop

a gold hummer

00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:35,852

with customized

Gucci accessories,

00:15:35,977 --> 00:15:37,729

which only a Persian

would think was cool.

00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:45,445

Mr. Xerxis, the lesbos

wouldn't move.

00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:47,572

We could not get

inside to redecorate.

00:15:49,491 --> 00:15:51,493

Jamal, how could you

have failed me

00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:53,620

in this simple task?

00:15:53,745 --> 00:15:56,081

I am so seriously

pissed off right now,

00:15:56,206 --> 00:15:58,500

I could bust a testicle.

00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:00,502

And with that

the Persian club owner

00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:03,380

came to a realization...

00:16:03,505 --> 00:16:07,676

I shall have to deal

with these lesbos myself.

00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:14,265

Girls, I just

want to say that

00:16:14,391 --> 00:16:16,351

I am very proud of you!

00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,019

The way we kept

those Persians

00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:21,147

from taking over our bar

was les-tastic!

00:16:21,272 --> 00:16:23,066

Well, that's great,

Janet, but what now?

00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:24,567

We can't just stay here

pushing them away

00:16:24,693 --> 00:16:26,027

our whole lives.

00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:27,362

We can't-- I think

it's pretty fun.

00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,364

We have to have

a more solid plan.

00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:32,117

Something we can use

against them permanently.

00:16:32,242 --> 00:16:35,453

Maybe we can dig up

some dirt on the club owner.

00:16:35,578 --> 00:16:37,914

Hey, that's

a great idea, Betsy!

00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:40,000

We need somebody

working on the inside.

00:16:40,125 --> 00:16:41,584

What do you mean?

00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:43,461

If we could get

some Persians on our side,

00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:45,005

we could send them in

to try and dig up some dirt

00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:46,673

on the owner!

00:16:46,798 --> 00:16:48,216

But who's going to

spy on them for us?!

00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:49,634

We don't know any Persians!

00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:50,969

It's okay.

00:16:51,094 --> 00:16:52,303

There's people

you can hire

00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:53,722

for this kind of thing.

00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:59,894

Que pasol, que pasol!

00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:02,063

Looking for work--

si, trabajo?

00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:04,399

Yes.

We all can work, si.

00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,443

All right, we need you to infiltrate some Persians

00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:08,111

who run Club Persh

00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:10,321

and dig up some dirt

on the owner.

00:17:10,447 --> 00:17:13,199

Okay. Sure.

- Okay, yeah.

00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:14,242

Janet, how is this

going to work?

00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:15,201

They don't look Persian.

00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:16,411

Sure they do!

00:17:17,746 --> 00:17:20,165

You just have to

gel the hair...

00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:22,751

Put on a silk shirt...

00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:25,170

Some gold chains...

00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:27,213

And tons of cologne.

00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:29,758

Persian.

00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:31,051

Si.

00:17:31,176 --> 00:17:32,886

Wow.

00:17:33,011 --> 00:17:34,387

All right, Mexicans, take the rest of these outfits

00:17:34,512 --> 00:17:35,764

and see what

you can find out.

00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:37,348

The address

is in there too.

00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:39,851

Okay. No problem.

- Si.

00:17:39,976 --> 00:17:41,603

And, Mexicans...

00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:44,397

Please hurry, our girl bar

has very little time.

00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:49,277

A full day passed,

and the lesbos knew

00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:52,072

a second Persian attack was imminent.

00:17:52,197 --> 00:17:55,533

Outside, lesbo

lookouts kept watch.

00:17:55,658 --> 00:17:58,453

Ready to alert the others.

00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:01,372

The lesbo leader

sat nervously inside.

00:18:01,498 --> 00:18:05,543

Her plan to dress Mexicans as Persians to act

as spies...

00:18:05,668 --> 00:18:07,504

Perhaps it had failed.

00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:10,340

She looked around

at her fellow lesbos...

00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:12,300

They were tired.

00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:14,219

In order to keep her

lesbos awake,

00:18:14,344 --> 00:18:16,596

she had no choice.

00:18:16,721 --> 00:18:19,599

She would have to

make coffee.

00:18:19,724 --> 00:18:21,559

Aaahghgh!

00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:41,955

With fresh coffee brewed

the lesbos found new life.

00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:44,666

But would it be enough?

00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:46,835

The Persians are attacking again!

00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:48,753

Take positions, lesbos!

00:18:48,878 --> 00:18:50,338

Get outside!

00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:51,881

No, wait, wait!

00:18:52,006 --> 00:18:54,175

That's not the Persians, it's the Mexicans!

00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:56,219

Really?

How can you tell?

00:18:56,344 --> 00:18:58,388

Let them through,

it's okay!

00:18:58,513 --> 00:19:00,431

Hola.

- Como estas? - Hola.

00:19:00,557 --> 00:19:02,100

Did you

uncover anything?!

00:19:02,225 --> 00:19:03,810

Are the Persians doing anything illegal?

00:19:03,935 --> 00:19:06,187

Uhh... No.

00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:07,438

They're not doing

anything illegal.

00:19:07,564 --> 00:19:09,274

Are you sure?

00:19:09,399 --> 00:19:11,442

No, but we did find out

a kind of secret

00:19:11,568 --> 00:19:13,486

about the

person in charge.

00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:14,821

What secret?

00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:19,617

Oh, my God, are you

sure about this?

00:19:19,742 --> 00:19:20,618

Si.

00:19:20,743 --> 00:19:21,953

Janet, the Persian boss is here.

00:19:22,078 --> 00:19:25,373

He wants to talk to

you, and you alone.

00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:26,833

It's okay.

00:19:26,958 --> 00:19:28,501

It's time I met this rich Persian asshole

00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:29,961

face-to-face.

00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:39,012

Why are you lesbians

being so difficult?

00:19:39,137 --> 00:19:42,098

Because we're protecting

the only home we have.

00:19:42,223 --> 00:19:43,600

I don't know why

you have to be

00:19:43,725 --> 00:19:45,435

all super-lame

about this.

00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:46,769

You know,

a long time ago

00:19:46,895 --> 00:19:48,813

when I first realized

I was a lesbian,

00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:51,149

I felt isolated, confused.

00:19:51,274 --> 00:19:52,609

And finally

I found a place

00:19:52,734 --> 00:19:54,652

that accepts me

for who I am.

00:19:54,777 --> 00:19:57,363

Okay, how about this...

00:19:57,488 --> 00:20:00,700

I will make you

the manager of Club Persh.

00:20:00,825 --> 00:20:02,285

You'll make good money.

00:20:02,410 --> 00:20:04,579

That's a generous offer,

Xerxis...

00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:08,666

But you see, there's something

I know about you...

00:20:08,791 --> 00:20:10,960

I know you're

actually a woman.

00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:16,466

How... How did you

find that out?

00:20:16,591 --> 00:20:18,927

I hired Mexicans to spy on you.

00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:21,346

They saw you

working out at Curves.

00:20:21,471 --> 00:20:24,098

You don't understand.

00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:26,184

Women can't be the boss in Persian culture!

00:20:26,309 --> 00:20:28,645

Nobody can

know about this!

00:20:28,770 --> 00:20:30,396

Yeah, and you know why?!

00:20:30,521 --> 00:20:33,024

Because men

are all assholes.

00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:35,693

They make you feel ashamed

for being a little big

00:20:35,818 --> 00:20:37,362

or manly looking.

00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:40,073

But not lesbos.

00:20:40,198 --> 00:20:43,701

We accept other women

for who they are inside.

00:20:43,826 --> 00:20:45,662

You do, seriously?

00:20:45,787 --> 00:20:48,081

Have you never

even thought of

00:20:48,206 --> 00:20:50,250

being with

another woman before?

00:20:50,375 --> 00:20:53,670

No... I don't even

know how two women can...

00:20:53,795 --> 00:20:55,630

Make love.

00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:58,800

Unless they just kind of...

Scissor or something.

00:21:01,469 --> 00:21:04,430

Oh, yeah,

scissor me, Xerxis!

00:21:04,555 --> 00:21:07,016

Ooh, that feels

so super-good.

00:21:07,141 --> 00:21:08,559

Yeah, scissor!

00:21:08,685 --> 00:21:10,436

Oh, I'm a new woman!

00:21:10,561 --> 00:21:13,690

And so it was

that Les Bos was saved!

00:21:14,732 --> 00:21:17,819

The Persians had agreed to keep it a lesbian bar,

00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:21,072

for no dyke should be

without cocktails.

00:21:21,197 --> 00:21:22,949

Thanks for

everything, Xerxis.

00:21:23,074 --> 00:21:25,827

No...

Thank you, friend.

00:21:25,952 --> 00:21:26,911

Hey, aren't you

supposed to be

00:21:27,036 --> 00:21:28,288

teaching school right now?

00:21:28,413 --> 00:21:31,249

The school hired a substitute

to cover for me.

00:21:31,374 --> 00:21:35,670

... And so, to find the sum

of the two fractions,

00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:39,507

you must always first check for

the lowest common denominator.

00:21:39,632 --> 00:21:41,968

Si. - Si. - Si.

- Si. - Si.

00:21:42,093 --> 00:21:43,344

These guys are

pretty good.

00:21:43,469 --> 00:21:46,431

Yeah, I think I'm actually

learning something!

00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:41,640

Ну-ка все быстро расселись по местам и заткнулись!!!

00:00:42,090 --> 00:00:43,090

Вот блять!!

00:00:43,090 --> 00:00:45,500

Мужики - тупые жопы

00:00:45,500 --> 00:00:47,100

Все одинаковые

00:00:47,100 --> 00:00:48,600

Вот блин, опять по новой

00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:50,710

Всем мужикам важен только секс.

00:00:50,710 --> 00:00:53,750

Я два часа готовилась к этому тупому свиданию

00:00:53,750 --> 00:00:56,450

А он просто взглянул на мое тело и спросил:...

00:00:56,450 --> 00:00:58,320

"Ты похоже чувак или типа того?"

00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:01,030

Я женщина теперь, так в чем же дело???

00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:02,940

Бля, это не к добру...

00:01:02,940 --> 00:01:05,360

Я что, тебе что-то не то сказала, сахарные губки?!!

00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:06,540

Нет мэм.

00:01:06,540 --> 00:01:08,190

Меня просто тошнит от вас, пацанов.

00:01:08,190 --> 00:01:11,890

Вы все станете мужиками, которые думают своими х..ями.

00:01:11,890 --> 00:01:15,180

Я вам всем даю задание на выходные...

00:01:15,180 --> 00:01:19,710

вам всем предстоит прочесть книгу Э. Хемингуэя "Старик и море"

00:01:19,710 --> 00:01:23,510

- Ты че спятил, чувак?

- Мы не можем прочесть целую книгу за одни выходные.

00:01:23,510 --> 00:01:25,780

Это очень прохо, "чувак"...

00:01:25,780 --> 00:01:30,700

Может если вы пацаны будете держать всои письки в штанах у вас появится немного больше времени?

00:01:30,700 --> 00:01:35,170

Но учитель, мой пенис никогда не вылазит наружу во время сна, только иногда, когда я одеваю пижаму.

00:01:35,170 --> 00:01:40,140

Если у вас не будет готово эссе к понедельнику, то вам всем полный пи..дец! Ясно?

00:01:42,860 --> 00:01:45,940

Чувак, как же мы успеем прочитать за выходные всю книгу и написать эссе?

00:01:45,940 --> 00:01:47,830

Выходные короткие.

00:01:47,830 --> 00:01:48,990

(Что же нам делать?)

00:01:48,990 --> 00:01:53,030

Парни, парни, расслабтесь, нам не надо ни читать книгу, ни писать эссе.

00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:55,010

- Не надо?

- Именно.

00:01:55,010 --> 00:01:57,870

есть люди, которых можно нанять для подобной работы.

00:02:03,470 --> 00:02:07,060

Как дела? Как дела? Ищете работу? Да? Работа(исп.)?

00:02:07,060 --> 00:02:09,250

- Ди-а.

- Мы ищем работу, си.

00:02:09,250 --> 00:02:16,060

Так, мексиканцы. Вы должны прочесть "Старик и море" для нас, понятно "Старий чилавек возле моря"

00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:19,130

ok... конечно... да...

00:02:19,140 --> 00:02:22,800

Нам нужно, чтоб вы поработали вместе, прочли книгу и написали 4 эссе, понятно?

00:02:26,290 --> 00:02:28,970

Ладно, нет проблем, мы можем...

00:02:28,970 --> 00:02:30,550

Спасибо, спасибо.

00:02:30,550 --> 00:02:33,250

Чувак, это круто, не знал, что может выдумать такое.

00:02:33,250 --> 00:02:35,720

Эт точно, чувак, когда кругом мексиканцы, это заебись.

00:02:39,270 --> 00:02:40,720

Пусть все катятся к черту.

00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:42,400

Да кому вообще нужны мужики?

00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:46,030

Они чертовы эгоцентричные жопошники, вот кто они.

00:02:46,030 --> 00:02:47,860

Ты там в порядке, дорогуша?

00:02:47,860 --> 00:02:52,290

Всего лишь ненавижу всех мужиков. Им всем важно лишь то, насколько ты привлекательна!

00:02:52,290 --> 00:02:54,160

Да, и мне никогда не нравились мужики.

00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:55,710

Поэтому-то я здесь и провожу время.

00:02:55,710 --> 00:02:58,760

С тех пор как здесь остались только женщины на нас никто не пялится и мы не чувствуем себя смущенными.

00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:00,300

Ты мне еще рассказываешь.

00:03:00,300 --> 00:03:04,720

В обычном зале я даже не могу ни разу нагнуться, чтобы какой-нибудь мужик не начал пялиться на мою жопу.

00:03:04,730 --> 00:03:06,250

Я Эллисон.

00:03:06,260 --> 00:03:08,080

О, я Дженет.

00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:09,400

Дженет Гаррисон.

00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:11,090

Извини, я вышла из себя.

00:03:11,090 --> 00:03:12,470

Да ниче, мне даже понравилось

00:03:12,470 --> 00:03:14,160

Ты выглядишь очень сильной женщиной.

00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:15,950

Да мне уже говорили как-то...

00:03:15,950 --> 00:03:18,240

А отчего же я ни разу не видела тебя в девчачьем баре?

00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:19,240

Девчачьем баре?

00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,250

Да я даже не знала, что такое место вообще есть.

00:03:21,260 --> 00:03:25,500

Тебе понравиться, там такие женщины как мы можем быть сами собой.

00:03:25,500 --> 00:03:26,500

Оно называется "Lebow"

00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:34,790

Привет, Линда, привет Кейт.

00:03:34,790 --> 00:03:35,780

Привет, Эллисон.

00:03:35,780 --> 00:03:40,120

- Че это за новенькая?

- Эллисон вечно находит самых уродин.

00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:42,330

Привет, Нелл. Как дела Трайси?

00:03:42,330 --> 00:03:44,500

Длин, отличное место.

00:03:44,500 --> 00:03:46,640

Похоже тут все девочки знают друг друга?

00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:49,710

Да, точно. Большинство девочек делали друг друга.

00:03:49,710 --> 00:03:52,060

Да уж. Делали что?

00:03:52,060 --> 00:03:54,340

Ну ты знаешь... имели секс.

00:03:57,240 --> 00:03:59,940

О Боже мой, это лесби бар!

00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:02,710

Ну... да, я думала, ты догадалась об этом.

00:04:02,710 --> 00:04:04,750

О-о, е-мое..

00:04:04,750 --> 00:04:07,810

Ну извини, я думала, ты поймешь, что означает "девчачий бар".

00:04:07,810 --> 00:04:11,380

Но я не... о-о-о-о-о..

00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:14,540

Дженет, я правда сожалею.

00:04:14,540 --> 00:04:18,290

Просто там в зале ты сказала, что тебе не нравится быть с мужчиной, и я ..

00:04:18,290 --> 00:04:21,290

Мне не нравится быть с мужчинами, они извращенные эгоистичные свиньи.

00:04:22,990 --> 00:04:28,340

Так ты что, ни разу даже не думала о том, чтобы быть с другой женщиной?

00:04:28,340 --> 00:04:30,470

Да Боже-ж мой, не-ет.

00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:32,800

Ну конечно я думала.

00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:38,670

Если честно, я до конца не понимаю как две женщины вообще могут заниматься любовью.

00:04:38,670 --> 00:04:42,400

Если только типа "ножницы" .. или типа того...

00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:45,020

Есть много способов заниматься любовью, Дженет.

00:04:45,020 --> 00:04:50,420

Я думаю, я бы покривила душой, если бы сказала что нисколько не возбуждаюсь...

00:04:51,660 --> 00:04:54,520

Может я могу поцеловать тебя?

00:04:55,870 --> 00:04:57,420

Это ж неправильно!

00:04:57,420 --> 00:04:59,800

Ты ж тоже женщина, в этом нет смысла.

00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:03,270

Это неправильно, Дженет? Отпусти на волю свои предрассудки.

00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:05,430

Просто повеселись сегодня.

00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:07,800

Никаких обязательств, только удовольствие.

00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:24,100

О, да, реж меня, реж меня, Эллисон.

00:05:24,100 --> 00:05:25,960

Дженет, ты сумасшедшая!!

00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:30,740

О, горячие ножницы, порежте мои поросли.

00:05:35,350 --> 00:05:38,190

Лучше бы им закончить с отчетами по книге, занятия начинаются через 15 минут.

00:05:38,190 --> 00:05:39,530

да все будет сделано.

00:05:40,970 --> 00:05:43,960

Как дела. Ну ладно, вы прочли книгу?

00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:45,270

Да.. да..да..да

00:05:45,270 --> 00:05:47,470

О чем она была, на случай если учитель спросит?

00:05:47,470 --> 00:05:53,170

Она о старике. Его работа - ловить рыбу.

00:05:53,170 --> 00:05:57,550

Он залез в лодку, чтоб поймать рыбу.

00:05:57,550 --> 00:06:01,340

Он поймал рыбу, но она была очень сильная.

00:06:01,340 --> 00:06:04,180

так что он не смог ее вытащить.

00:06:04,190 --> 00:06:10,930

Он сражался с рыбой. И еще. И поймал рыбу.

00:06:11,020 --> 00:06:13,590

Он поймал рыбу и смог заработать деньги?

00:06:13,590 --> 00:06:18,350

Нет. На пути домой акулы сожрали рыбу.

00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:21,840

И вот, он не заработал денег.

00:06:24,390 --> 00:06:25,680

И это все? Это вся история?

00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:27,970

Да.

00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:29,030

Ну ладно, вы написали 4 эссе?

00:06:29,030 --> 00:06:30,870

Да, мы все написали эссе для вас.

00:06:30,870 --> 00:06:31,900

Отлично!

00:06:31,900 --> 00:06:33,060

Ладно, давайте их сюда.

00:06:33,070 --> 00:06:34,630

Давайте, что?

00:06:35,710 --> 00:06:37,310

Вы сказали, что вы все написали по эссе.

00:06:37,310 --> 00:06:38,140

Где же они?

00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:41,180

Ну мой живет в Майами.

\(ese, исп. "этот") видимо имеет в виду свеого друга или родственника\

00:06:41,180 --> 00:06:44,760

Я написал ему как вы и просили, но не думаю, что он уже получил письмо.

00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:46,470

А мой живет в Альбукерке.

00:06:46,470 --> 00:06:48,080

А я написал трем

00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:50,900

Который живет на родине, который живет в Денвере, ...

00:06:50,900 --> 00:06:53,360

... а тот который в Гленвуде, даже успел мне ответить.

00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:55,550

"Спасибо, что написал мне это."

00:06:57,200 --> 00:07:00,380

у-у... Чувак, мы полностью в говне теперь!

00:07:00,380 --> 00:07:02,250

Зачем нам платить вам, за письма вашим друзьям?

00:07:02,250 --> 00:07:04,410

Мы подумали, что это какая-то придурь.

00:07:04,410 --> 00:07:06,790

Это все твоя вина Картман, теперь нам пи..дец.

00:07:06,790 --> 00:07:08,290

Парни, школа начинается керез 5 минут.

00:07:08,290 --> 00:07:09,430

Сукин сын!!!

00:07:13,590 --> 00:07:16,930

Клайд, Клайд! Эй, Клайд, ты ж не успел написать все эссе, так?

00:07:16,940 --> 00:07:18,090

Да не, успел.

00:07:19,020 --> 00:07:20,790

Джимми, ты закончил отчет по книге?

00:07:20,790 --> 00:07:22,210

Да уж я постарался на славу.

00:07:22,210 --> 00:07:23,840

Я закончил отчет по книге, и ...

00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:26,690

еще мне пришло очень недурное письмо от моего друга, который работает в Ю-Холе.

00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:31,170

Дерьмо!

00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:32,050

Мы трупы.

00:07:32,050 --> 00:07:33,140

Привееет, клааас.

00:07:33,140 --> 00:07:37,400

Вот моя маленькая парточка, моя милая досточка.

00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:39,170

Миссис Гаррисон, по поводу наших отчетов о книге...

00:07:39,170 --> 00:07:40,590

О, да ничего, Эрик ...

00:07:40,590 --> 00:07:43,670

Если тебе нужно еще немного времени для домашней работы, просто скажи.

00:07:44,690 --> 00:07:45,390

Правда???

00:07:46,030 --> 00:07:49,260

Дети, я должна сказать вам что-то, что может шокировать вас.

00:07:51,330 --> 00:07:52,350

Я - гей.

00:07:54,380 --> 00:07:55,160

Опять?

00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:56,960

Это было шоком и для меня ...

00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,030

... я встретила другую женщину...

00:07:59,030 --> 00:08:04,180

... мы ходили в этот невероятный бар "Лес Бос", где я наконец почувствовала себя как дома.

00:08:04,180 --> 00:08:07,990

Мы с Эллисон разговаривали и по-настоящему раскрылись друг для друга и ...

00:08:07,990 --> 00:08:10,460

потом мы пилили друг друга в позе "ножницы" всю ночь.

00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:13,450

Надо быть осторожным с ножницами.

00:08:13,450 --> 00:08:17,700

Но послушайте, я не собираюсь начинать какие-то отношения с Эллисон.

00:08:17,700 --> 00:08:19,510

Я припоздала со своим лесбийством...

00:08:19,510 --> 00:08:21,780

так, что мне нужно немного "поиграть в поле", так ведь?

00:08:21,780 --> 00:08:23,440

Я так счастлива.

00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:24,750

Это замечательно!

00:08:24,750 --> 00:08:26,900

Поздравим нашу Учительницу, ставшую лесбиянкой!

00:08:26,910 --> 00:08:28,160

Да-а!!

00:08:32,890 --> 00:08:34,150

Привет, Трайси. Привет Кейт.

00:08:34,150 --> 00:08:35,810

Привет, Дженет.

00:08:35,810 --> 00:08:39,730

Отлично выглядишь, Линда, хочешь пойти попозже куда-нибудь и попилиться?

00:08:39,730 --> 00:08:40,930

Э-э!

00:08:41,550 --> 00:08:42,370

Привет, Пэтти.

00:08:42,370 --> 00:08:43,630

Как дела, Дженетт.

00:08:43,630 --> 00:08:46,120

О! Не смотри на меня таким взглядом...

00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:48,630

... ты режешь меня взглядом.

00:08:48,630 --> 00:08:51,920

Эй Дженет, может снимешь себе свою собственную девочку?

00:08:57,240 --> 00:08:58,700

О, да! Лесбийская драка!

00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:07,010

Ты мне прям по п..зде заехала.

00:09:13,140 --> 00:09:15,960

О, да, пилимся. Ножницы!

00:09:17,180 --> 00:09:18,540

Девочки! Девочки, хватит!

00:09:18,540 --> 00:09:20,150

Послушайте все

00:09:20,150 --> 00:09:21,740

У меня плохие новости.

00:09:21,740 --> 00:09:23,420

Что стряслось, Кейти?

00:09:24,380 --> 00:09:26,110

Они закрывают бар.

00:09:26,110 --> 00:09:27,330

Ради Бога!!

00:09:29,010 --> 00:09:31,850

Закрывают? Они не могут это сделать.

00:09:31,860 --> 00:09:35,700

Да, это наш дом.

00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:38,330

Да, это правда. Я только что говорила с владельцами.

00:09:38,330 --> 00:09:40,680

они продали бар Персам.

00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:43,700

Персам!!!??

00:09:43,700 --> 00:09:45,820

Куда же нам теперь идти?

00:09:45,820 --> 00:09:47,430

Да мы никуда не идем!

00:09:47,430 --> 00:09:49,350

Мы здесь уже с незапамятных времен.

00:09:49,350 --> 00:09:53,470

И персы закроют этот бар только через мое мертвое лесбийское тело!!

00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:03,790

Мэр, мы возмущены! Нас дискриминируют как лесбиянок.

00:10:05,470 --> 00:10:06,920

Теперь ты что-ли лесбиянка?

00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:09,680

Именно! Гордая лесбиянка.

00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:11,810

И у нас отбирают дом.

00:10:11,810 --> 00:10:16,190

Бар был продан новым владельцам из Персии. От меня-то вы что хотите?

00:10:16,190 --> 00:10:17,610

Запретите сделку.

00:10:17,610 --> 00:10:19,970

Это происходит по всей стране, Мэр.

00:10:19,970 --> 00:10:23,370

Лесбийски бары продаются и закрываются. Это неправильно!

00:10:23,380 --> 00:10:25,000

Да, вот именно!

00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,610

Извините, но у меня связаны руки.

00:10:26,610 --> 00:10:30,680

Новые владельцы хотят начать менять стиль уже завтра. Так что вам надо уйти.

00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:35,180

А вы знаете какие представления о стиле у персов?

00:10:37,730 --> 00:10:44,390

Они нашпигуют его голубыми коврами, всякими статуэтками и золотистыми гардинами так, что вас стошнит.

00:10:47,190 --> 00:10:49,440

Миссис Гаррисон, пошла вон отсюда.

00:10:51,550 --> 00:10:54,790

Ну, за былые времена в этом месте.

00:10:54,790 --> 00:10:58,720

Походу придется найти другое место, чтоб отвисать.

00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:03,080

Ну же девочки, поверить не могу своим ушам.

00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:04,470

Нельзя просто так сдаваться.

00:11:04,470 --> 00:11:06,500

Ну и что же нам делать, Дженет?

00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:07,730

Останемся и примем бой.

00:11:07,730 --> 00:11:11,930

Когда придут перся, мы им скажем:"Мы не покинем "Les Bos".

00:11:11,930 --> 00:11:14,020

Вообще-то оно "Lebow".

00:11:14,850 --> 00:11:17,380

Нет, оно "Les Bos" (лесбийское)

00:11:17,380 --> 00:11:20,130

Мы - лесбиянки!

00:11:20,140 --> 00:11:23,700

И как лесбиянки мы не можем просто стоять и смотреть

00:11:23,700 --> 00:11:27,010

как закрывают еще один "девчачий бар".

00:11:27,910 --> 00:11:30,640

Персы послали кого-то для переговоров.

00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:33,870

Привет, меня зовут Эмир Хади.

00:11:33,870 --> 00:11:36,760

Мой босс послал меня сюда, потому, что услышал, что вы рассроены из-за

00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:39,310

того, что мы выкупили бар.

00:11:39,310 --> 00:11:40,910

Да уж, именно так.

00:11:40,910 --> 00:11:42,920

Мы хотим заверить вас...

00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:48,510

что когда этот клуб станет Персидским, вы все будете желанными гостями на 100%.

00:11:48,510 --> 00:11:51,730

Все, что он хочет, так это сделать это место по-настоящему приятным.

00:11:51,730 --> 00:11:56,300

Мы хотим постелить миленькие голубые коврики и установить золотые гардины.

00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:58,320

Так и знала, так и знала!

00:11:58,320 --> 00:11:59,950

Мы будем рады видеть вас всех.

00:11:59,950 --> 00:12:04,450

Мой босс хочет заверить вас, что вы не будете дискриминироваться ни в коем случае.

00:12:04,450 --> 00:12:06,320

А вы будете пускать сюда натуралов? Мужиков?

00:12:06,330 --> 00:12:09,290

Мы будем рады кажд...

00:12:09,290 --> 00:12:12,590

Подумай хорошо над следующими словами, перс.

00:12:12,590 --> 00:12:18,940

Воббще-то мы вам ничего не должны. Я не понимаю в чем ваша проблема. Это придурь.

00:12:18,940 --> 00:12:21,780

Нет, это на придурь.

00:12:23,170 --> 00:12:26,660

Э-Т-О "Les Bos" (лесбийское) !!!

00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:32,890

Да как ты смеешь!!

00:12:36,590 --> 00:12:38,020

Так оно и началось.

00:12:38,020 --> 00:12:40,810

Ударом персидского гонца по яйцам...

00:12:40,810 --> 00:12:47,560

лесбиянки отправили послание об их несгибаемой воле, услышанное по всей стране.

00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:53,340

Группа лесбиянок из Колорадо отказывается пускать новых владельцев в их бар.

00:12:53,340 --> 00:12:56,060

- Отлично!

- Вперед, девчонки.

00:13:03,300 --> 00:13:06,050

Персы вернулись в свой офис ...

00:13:06,050 --> 00:13:10,760

... и рассказали своим соратникам, как тридцать лесбиянок отказались пустить их внутрь.

00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:16,440

Ну и ладно. Если они перекроют вход, мы придем шестидесятью

00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:18,480

Позову еще персов для помощи.

00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:31,030

Время пролетело стремительно

00:13:31,030 --> 00:13:36,100

и лесбиняки решительно встали перед своим баром в надежде не пустить персов внутрь.

00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:38,940

Ну вот и они.

00:13:49,500 --> 00:13:51,540

Их так много.

00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:55,250

Лесбиянки, на позицию!

00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:03,110

Лесбиянки, отойдите в сторону, мы войдем и сделаем рестайлинг.

00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:04,950

Пошли к черту!!!

00:14:04,950 --> 00:14:09,740

Возьмите ваши голубые ковры и золотистые гардины и расширьте ими свои анальные отверстия!!!

00:14:09,750 --> 00:14:11,390

Ладно, пошли!

00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:12,870

Они не смогут остановить нас всех.

00:14:19,950 --> 00:14:23,680

Лесбиянки, запомните этот день, запомните этот бой!

00:14:33,970 --> 00:14:35,450

Не уступайте им не дюйма.

00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:42,360

Ах ты иранское педрило

00:14:43,390 --> 00:14:45,760

Ладно, серьезно, пустите нас внутрь

00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,340

Никогда!

00:14:49,460 --> 00:14:52,900

На протяжении часов лесбиянки сдерживали персов...

00:14:52,900 --> 00:14:56,760

от передекорирования.

00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:05,140

Наконец, персы утомились и многие из них захотели приобрести новые стильные солнечные очки.

00:15:05,150 --> 00:15:06,680

Они отступили.

00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:09,710

Лесбиянки выстояли.

00:15:12,340 --> 00:15:15,360

LES!!! BOS!!! (ЛЕСБИЯНКИ!!!)

00:15:17,010 --> 00:15:22,320

Персы, которые не пошли по магазинам должны были встретиться со своим боссом.

00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:24,350

Вот он идет

00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:33,650

Рауф Ксерксес. Он сидел на крыше золотого хаммера...

00:15:33,650 --> 00:15:38,480

украшенного примочками от Гуччи, которые только персу могли показаться крутыми.

00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:45,320

Мистер Ксерксис, лесбиянки не захотели уйти.

00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:47,790

Мы не смогли пройти внутрь чтоб начать ремонт.

00:15:49,660 --> 00:15:53,390

Тумон, как ты мог подвести меня в таком простом задании?

00:15:53,390 --> 00:15:56,460

Я конкретно выведен из себя сейчас.

00:15:56,460 --> 00:15:58,510

Клянусь яйцами.

00:15:58,510 --> 00:16:02,550

С этими словами персидский клубовладелец пошел делать дело.

00:16:03,850 --> 00:16:07,320

Я договорюсь с этими лесбиянками сам

00:16:13,110 --> 00:16:16,350

Девочки, я хочу сказать, что очень горжусь вами

00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:21,100

То как мы удержали этих персов от прохода внутрь было лесбастично!!

00:16:21,100 --> 00:16:23,150

Замечательно, Дженет, но что теперь?

00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:25,460

Мы не можем оставаться здесть и отгонять их всю жизнь.

00:16:25,460 --> 00:16:27,630

Не можем? А я думала, это будет прикольно.

00:16:27,640 --> 00:16:29,630

Нам нужет какой-то конкретный план.

00:16:29,630 --> 00:16:32,150

чтоб отвадить их отсюда навсегда.

00:16:32,150 --> 00:16:35,710

Может нам накопать какой-нибудь компромат на владельца?

00:16:35,710 --> 00:16:37,960

Эй, это отличная идея, Бетси.

00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:40,610

Нам нужен кто-то, кого можно заслать к ним...

00:16:40,610 --> 00:16:41,530

Что ты имеешь в виду?

00:16:41,530 --> 00:16:46,540

Если бы у нас были персы, которые за нас, мы бы могли их подослать к этим, чтоб они накопали нам грязи на владельца.

00:16:46,570 --> 00:16:49,520

Но кто будет шпионить на нас, у нас нет никаких персов.

00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:53,780

Это ничего, есть люди, которых можно нанять для такой работы.

00:16:57,710 --> 00:17:01,620

Как дела, как дела, ищете работу, да, работа?

00:17:01,620 --> 00:17:04,060

Даис, ищем, да, си..

00:17:04,830 --> 00:17:09,880

Нам нужно, чтобы втерлись в доверие к персам, которые держат клуб "Персия" и нарыли грязи на их босса.

00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:13,260

ok. да... нормально, идет..

00:17:13,260 --> 00:17:15,320

Дженет, как же это сработает, они не выглядят как персы.

00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:16,540

Да конечно выглядят.

00:17:17,910 --> 00:17:19,020

На голову гель, ...

00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:23,880

... на рубашечку золотую цепь, ...

00:17:25,430 --> 00:17:27,110

... и тонну одеколона.

00:17:27,110 --> 00:17:29,020

Перс.

00:17:30,270 --> 00:17:31,040

Да

00:17:32,550 --> 00:17:37,150

Ладно, мексиканцы, здесь вы найдете все что нужно, их адреса тоже здесь.

00:17:37,150 --> 00:17:39,540

ok, нет проблем, да, да...

00:17:40,730 --> 00:17:44,370

И еще, мексиканцы, поторопитесь, у нашего девчачьего бара очень мало времени.

00:17:46,710 --> 00:17:51,940

Еще день миновал. И лесбиянки узнали о второй готовящейся атаке.

00:17:51,940 --> 00:17:55,620

Снаружи лесбийские наблюдатели несли дозор.

00:17:55,620 --> 00:17:58,010

Готовые предупредить остатьных.

00:17:58,370 --> 00:18:01,910

Лесбийский вождь с тревогой сидела внутри.

00:18:01,910 --> 00:18:07,560

Ее план - нарядить мексиканцев в персов возможно провален.

00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:10,430

Она оглядывала всоих лесбийских соратниц.

00:18:10,430 --> 00:18:11,850

Они были утомлены.

00:18:11,850 --> 00:18:16,390

Надо было вернуть им бодрость духа, и у нее не осталось выбора.

00:18:16,390 --> 00:18:19,120

Она должна была сделать кофе.

00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:42,050

Со свежим кофе у лебиянок появилось второе дыхание

00:18:42,050 --> 00:18:44,040

Но достанет ли его им.

00:18:45,210 --> 00:18:47,140

Персы снова атакуют!!

00:18:47,140 --> 00:18:49,110

На позиции лесбы.

00:18:49,110 --> 00:18:50,490

Все наружу!

00:18:51,370 --> 00:18:54,440

Не, нет. Погодите. Это не персы, это мексиканцы.

00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:55,400

Че, правда?

00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:56,630

Откуда ты знаешь?

00:18:56,630 --> 00:18:57,980

Пропустите их, все нормально.

00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:01,940

ну что, нарыли чего-нибудь?

00:19:01,940 --> 00:19:03,640

Или персы делают что-то незаконное?

00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:05,990

Да нет.

00:19:05,990 --> 00:19:07,460

Они не делают ничего незаконного.

00:19:07,460 --> 00:19:09,300

Вы уверены?

00:19:09,300 --> 00:19:13,330

Но мы узнали один маленький секрет об их главаре.

00:19:13,330 --> 00:19:14,180

Какой секрет?

00:19:17,150 --> 00:19:18,850

Боже мой, вы уверены насчет этого?

00:19:19,100 --> 00:19:19,930

Да.

00:19:19,930 --> 00:19:22,260

Дженет, Дженет, персидский босс здесь.

00:19:22,260 --> 00:19:24,600

Он хочет поговорить с тобой, причем наедине.

00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:29,490

Хорошо, пришло время встретиться с этой персидской задницей лицом к лицу.

00:19:35,620 --> 00:19:38,540

Почему вы лесбиянки такие трудные?

00:19:39,390 --> 00:19:41,750

Потому, что мы защищаем единственный дом, что у нас есть.

00:19:41,750 --> 00:19:45,210

Все равно не понимаю, почему вы так напрягаетесь по этому поводу?

00:19:45,220 --> 00:19:48,480

Ты знаешь, даавным-давно, когда я осознала, что я лесбиянка...

00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:50,830

... я оказалась в одиночестве, запутавшаяся...

00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:54,160

... но наконец, я нашла место, которое принимает меня такой, какая я есть.

00:19:54,170 --> 00:20:00,450

А как насчет того, чтобы стать менеджером Клуба Персия?

00:20:00,450 --> 00:20:02,280

Неплохо заработаешь.

00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:04,100

Это великодушное предложение, Ксерксис.

00:20:04,100 --> 00:20:06,860

но, ты знаешь, я кое-что знаю о тебе.

00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:10,880

Я знаю, что ты на самом деле женщина.

00:20:12,570 --> 00:20:16,020

Как? как ты это узнала?

00:20:16,020 --> 00:20:18,600

Я наняла мексиканцев шпионить у тебя.

00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:20,940

Они видели, как ты тренировалась в женском зале Курвы.

00:20:21,860 --> 00:20:26,100

Ты не понимаешь, женщина не может быть боссом к персидской культуре.

00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:27,940

Никто не может знать об этом.

00:20:27,940 --> 00:20:32,410

Да. А знаешь почему? Потому, что все мужики сволочи.

00:20:32,410 --> 00:20:37,220

Они заставляют тебя испытывать стыд, за то, что ты немного крупная, или мужиковатая.

00:20:38,340 --> 00:20:43,100

Но мы - лесбиянки, мы принимаем женщину такой, какая она внутри.

00:20:43,110 --> 00:20:45,280

Вы че, правда?

00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:49,680

Ты когда-нибудь думала чтобы попробовать с другой женщиной раньше?

00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:54,530

Нет, я даже не представляю как две женщины могут заниматься любовью...

00:20:54,530 --> 00:20:59,310

разве что типа ножницы ... или типа того.

00:21:02,930 --> 00:21:04,770

О, да, режь меня Ксарксис.

00:21:04,770 --> 00:21:06,850

О, мне суперхорошо.

00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:08,470

Да, режь

00:21:08,470 --> 00:21:10,000

Я новая женщина!

00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:13,880

Так был спасен Лесбос.

00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:21,090

Персы согласились оставить бар за лесбиянками, и выдавать каждой по коктейлю.

00:21:21,090 --> 00:21:22,750

Спасибо за все, Ксерксис.

00:21:22,750 --> 00:21:25,420

Да, не, спасибо тебе, друг.

00:21:25,430 --> 00:21:27,780

Слушай, а ты не должна быть сейчас в школе?

00:21:27,790 --> 00:21:30,170

Школа наняла замену, чтобы прикрыть меня.

00:21:32,470 --> 00:21:35,100

Чтобы найти сумму двух дробей

00:21:35,100 --> 00:21:39,140

вы должныы найти наименьшее общее кратное

00:21:39,150 --> 00:21:41,510

да, да ..да

00:21:41,510 --> 00:21:42,990

А эти парни неплохи.

00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:44,570

Я прямо учусь чему-то

00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:03,700

Все персонажи и события в этом шоу, даже те, которые основаны

на реальных людях, являются полностью вымышленными.

00:00:03,700 --> 00:00:05,200

Все известные голоса исполнены .. неудачно.

00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:08,200

Следующая программа содержит нецензурные выражения или оскорбления и вследствие чего эта передача не должна просматриваться кем-либо.

00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:09,000

Перевод Виктор Д.

00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:12,500

♪ Я ухожу в Южный Парк, буду проводить своё время,

00:00:12,500 --> 00:00:16,059

♪ Дружелюбные лица везде, скромные люди без соблазна,

00:00:16,059 --> 00:00:19,250

♪ Я иду в Южный Парк, собираюсь оставить мои беды позади

00:00:19,250 --> 00:00:22,722

♪ Просторная парковка днём или ночью,

люди, восклицающие: "Привет, сосед",

00:00:22,722 --> 00:00:26,000

♪ Я отправляюсь в Южный Парк, посмотрю, смогу ли я расслабиться

00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:29,100

♪ Мне нравятся девки с большими жирными сиськами,

мне нравятся девки с большими жирными сиськами,

00:00:29,100 --> 00:00:33,200

♪ Так приходите в Южный Парк и встречайте некоторых моих друзей.

00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:38,970

Лесбо-Трах!

1106

00:00:38,970 --> 00:00:47,350

Все сядьте и, заткнитесь, на хер! Чёрт побери!

Тупые ослы, мужики! Они все одинаковые!

00:00:47,370 --> 00:00:50,660

- О, Боже. Снова по новой.

- Всех мужиков волнует только секс.

00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:55,453

Я провела два часа, готовясь к этому дурацкому свиданию,

и когда этот ублюдок 'осмотрел' моё тело

00:00:55,453 --> 00:01:01,203

он просто сказал: "Эй, ты раньше была парнем, или как?!"

Я женщина сейчас, так в чём же дело?!

00:01:01,223 --> 00:01:05,255

- О, нет, это не хорошо.

- Разве я сказал что-то тебе, Сладкогрудый?!

00:01:05,275 --> 00:01:09,300

- Нет, мэм.

- От вас, мальчики, меня тошнит, вы на верном пути,

00:01:09,300 --> 00:01:15,244

чтобы стать мужиками, которые думают только своими пенисами!

Я даю всем вам домашнее задание на выходные.

00:01:15,264 --> 00:01:21,314

Вы будете читать книгу Хемингуэя "Старик и море".

- Вы с ума сошли?

00:01:21,334 --> 00:01:25,700

- Чувак, мы не сможем прочитать всю книгу за одни выходные!

- О, это очень плохо, чувак.

00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:30,629

Может, если бы вы, мальчики, могли держать ваши пенисы

в своих штаны, время от времени, вы бы больше сделали!

00:01:30,649 --> 00:01:35,231

Но учитель, мой пенис никогда не выскальзывает из моих штанов!

Если не считать иногда, когда я одет в пижаму!

00:01:35,251 --> 00:01:42,548

Если у вас не будет написанного к понедельнику сочинения,

то вы получите неудовлетворительно. Это ясно?

00:01:42,568 --> 00:01:46,227

Чувак, как мы должны прочитать всю книгу за выходные

и написать сочинение?

00:01:46,247 --> 00:01:49,244

- Все наши выходные на помойку!

- Что, чёрт возьми, мы будем делать?

00:01:49,264 --> 00:01:53,896

Вы ребята, ребята, расслабьтесь.

Нам не придётся читать книгу или писать сочинение.

00:01:53,916 --> 00:02:03,238

- Мы не будем? /- Нет, есть люди, которых вы можете нанять,

чтобы делать такого вида виды вещи.

00:02:03,258 --> 00:02:09,438

- Que Pasol? Que Pasol! Ищете работу? Да? Работа?

- Да. /- Мы все можем работать, да.

00:02:09,458 --> 00:02:17,591

Ладно, слушайте сюда, мексиканцы. Нам нужно, чтобы вы прочли

"Старик и море" за нас. Ясно? Эль старик и La Море.

00:02:17,611 --> 00:02:19,226

- Хорошо.

- Конечно, хорошо.

00:02:19,246 --> 00:02:25,214

Вот, нам надо, чтобы вы работали вместе, прочитали книгу

и написали четыре сочинения. Понятно? La summararizia.

00:02:25,234 --> 00:02:27,810

- Хорошо, нет проблем.

- Это не проблема.

- Да, мы можем сделать это.

00:02:27,811 --> 00:02:30,919

- Si, la summarazia. /- Хорошо, спасибо.

- Спасибо! /- Спасибо!

00:02:30,920 --> 00:02:39,046

- Чувак, это классно. Я понятия не имел, что ты можешь сделать такое.

- О, да, чувак, иметь рядом мексиканцев чертовски обалденно.

00:02:39,066 --> 00:02:46,940

Они могут все гнить в аду! Кому же нужны мужики?

Они чёртовски надменные, эгоцентричные задницы, вот кто они!

00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:49,957

- Ты в порядке, дорогая?

- Я просто ненавижу мужиков, вот и всё.

00:02:49,977 --> 00:02:56,186

Похоже, их всех заботит то, как сексуально ты выглядишь.

- Да, я никогда не интересовалась мужиками. Вот почему я работаю здесь.

00:02:56,206 --> 00:02:59,238

Так как здесь только женщины, за нами не подглядывают

и не чувствуешь себя неловко.

00:02:59,258 --> 00:03:05,658

Расскажи мне об этом. Я не могу даже потянуться в обычном

спортзале, без того, чтобы какой-нибудь парень

не попытался попялиться на мою вагину.

00:03:05,678 --> 00:03:11,562

- Я Эллисон.

- О, я Джанет. Джанет Гаррисон. Прости, что я так сердита.

00:03:11,562 --> 00:03:16,325

- Нет, мне это нравится. Ты кажешься очень сильной женщиной.

- Да, мне говорили это.

00:03:16,345 --> 00:03:21,729

- Как вышло, что я никогда не видела тебя девчачьем баре?

- Девчачий бар? Я даже не знала, что есть такое место.

00:03:21,749 --> 00:03:26,421

О, он тебе бы понравился. Это единственный бар в городе,

где женщины, как мы можем ошиваться и быть самими собой.

00:03:26,441 --> 00:03:33,516

Он называется "Les Boux".

00:03:33,536 --> 00:03:36,628

- Привет, Линда. Привет, Кейт.

- Привет, Эллисон.

00:03:36,648 --> 00:03:40,845

- Кто новая девушка?

- Эллисон всегда набрасывается на таких мужеподобных.

00:03:40,865 --> 00:03:46,935

- Привет Нел, как дела, Трейси.

- Какое отличное место! Все девушки здесь, кажется, знают друг друга!

00:03:46,955 --> 00:03:52,715

- Да, ну, большинство девушек здесь имели друг друга.

- Да! Имели чего?

00:03:52,735 --> 00:04:00,286

- Ты знаешь, трахались.

- О, мой Бог, это лесбийский бар?

00:04:00,306 --> 00:04:04,970

- Да, я думала, что ты поняла, это.

- О, боже!

00:04:04,990 --> 00:04:13,268

- Прости, я думала, что ты знала, что девчачий бар подразумевает.

- Но я не.. Ух ты. Ух ты!

00:04:13,268 --> 00:04:18,244

Джанет, мне очень жаль. Просто, в тренажёрном зале ты сказала,

что тебе не нравится быть с мужчинами, поэтому я подумала, что..

00:04:18,244 --> 00:04:28,786

- Я не люблю быть с мужиками! Они извращённые, эгоистичные свиньи!

- Ты никогда не даже думала быть с другой женщиной?

00:04:28,806 --> 00:04:39,681

О, Боже. Нет! Конечно нет. Я имею в виду, на самом деле

я даже не понимаю, как две женщины могут заниматься любовью.

00:04:39,701 --> 00:04:46,024

Я имею в виду, если только типа ножницами, или как-то.

- Есть много способов заниматься любовью, Джанет.

00:04:46,044 --> 00:04:56,263

- Я думаю, я бы солгала, если бы сказала, что я ни чуть не возбуждена.

- Могу ли я, может быть, тебя поцеловать?

00:04:56,283 --> 00:05:01,793

- О, это не правильно! Ты ещё другая женщина. Это не имеет смысла!

- Разве неправильно, Джанет?

00:05:01,793 --> 00:05:18,191

Пусть твои запреты уйдут. Давай просто повеселимся

сегодня вечером. Нет обязательств, просто забавы.

00:05:19,754 --> 00:05:26,284

- О, да, ножницами! Да, ножницами меня, Элисон!

- Джанет, ты сошла с ума!

00:05:26,286 --> 00:05:35,316

О, это страстно, ножницами. Ооо, режь ножницами меня, прекрасно.

00:05:35,336 --> 00:05:38,626

Им лучше бы завершить те рефераты по книге!

Школа начинается через пятнадцать минут!

00:05:38,646 --> 00:05:45,381

- Они будут готовы. Que Pasol! Que Pasol! Хорошо, вы прочитали книгу?

- Да.

00:05:45,401 --> 00:05:50,199

- О чём он была? В случае, если наш учитель спросит нас.

- Она начинается со старика.

00:05:50,219 --> 00:05:58,363

И его работа - ловить feesh. (Рыба с акцентом;=комич. эффект;

=говно) Так он забирается в лодку, пытаться поймать feesh.

00:05:58,383 --> 00:06:04,985

Он пытался поймать feesh, но feesh очень сильна,

так старик не может смотать леску с feesh.

00:06:05,005 --> 00:06:13,874

- Тогда он бороться с feesh ещё немного. И он, наконец, поймать feesh.

- Он поймал feesh, поэтому то он может заработать деньги.

00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:24,694

Нет. Потому что по дороге домой появились акулы и едят feesh.

И так он и не заработал деньги.

00:06:24,714 --> 00:06:27,552

- И это всё? Это вся история?

- Да.

00:06:27,572 --> 00:06:31,191

- Хорошо, вы написали четыре эссе?

- Да! Мы все писали чувихам для вас. (essays- мексиканск. чувак)

00:06:31,211 --> 00:06:35,647

- Хорошо! Хорошо, давайте их!

- Дать что?

00:06:35,667 --> 00:06:42,500

- Вы сказали, что все написали сочинения! Где они?

- Ну, мой чувак живёт в Майами. Я написал ему,

00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:46,905

как вы сказали, но я не думаю, что он уже получил письмо.

- Я написал моей чувихе в Альбукерк.

00:06:46,925 --> 00:06:56,755

Я написал три Esse. Моей эссе домой, моей эссе в Денвер, и мой

эссе в Гленвуде даже ответил мне! Спасибо, что написал мне, эссе.

00:06:56,775 --> 00:07:00,694

- О, о.

- Чувак, мы теперь ты полностью в жопе.

00:07:00,698 --> 00:07:04,572

- Какого чёрта мы платим вам за написание вашим друзьям?

- Мы думали, что это было отчасти странно.

00:07:04,572 --> 00:07:08,713

- Это твоя вина, Картман! Теперь мы получим двойки!

- Вы, ребята, занятия начинаются через десять минут!

00:07:08,733 --> 00:07:17,281

- Сукин сын!

- Клайд, Клайд! Эй, Клайд, ты так же не закончил своё сочинение, да?

00:07:17,301 --> 00:07:21,110

- Нет, я завершил его.

- Джимми, ты закончил свой отчёт по книге?

00:07:21,130 --> 00:07:25,897

Да, мне понравилось это. Я закончил весь мой доклад книгу

и я получил действительно хорошее письмо от моего эссе,

00:07:25,917 --> 00:07:32,042

который работает в U-Haul! (см. словарь)

- Дерьмо! /- Мы покойники.

00:07:32,042 --> 00:07:37,504

Привет, класс! Вот мой маленький стол. И моя милая маленькая доска.

00:07:37,524 --> 00:07:42,300

- М-с Гаррисон, о наших отчётах по книге..

- О, всё хорошо, Эрик. Если вам нужно чуть больше времени

00:07:42,300 --> 00:07:46,304

со своей домашней работой, так и скажите.

- В самом деле?

00:07:46,324 --> 00:07:57,305

- Дети, я должна сказать вам то, что вас может шокировать.. Я гей.

- Опять? /- Это был шоком для меня тоже.

00:07:57,325 --> 00:08:05,006

Я встретила другую женщину, и мы пошли в этот сказочный бар,

называемый Лесбос, где я, наконец, почувствовала себя как дома.

00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:11,548

Эллисон и я говорили, и мы действительно открылись друг другу,

и тогда мы.. ножницами всю ночь напролёт.

00:08:11,568 --> 00:08:14,104

Вы должны быть осторожны с ножницами.

00:08:14,124 --> 00:08:19,927

Но послушайте, я не собираюсь сейчас торопиться в отношениях

с Эллисон. Я поздно вступаю в жизнь лесбиянки,

00:08:19,947 --> 00:08:24,129

так что мне нужно поиграться с этим некоторое время,

не так ли? Я так счастлива.

00:08:24,149 --> 00:08:26,976

- Это здорово!

- Давайте похлопаем учителю за то, что она лесбиянка!

00:08:26,996 --> 00:08:32,945

- Ура!

- Да!

00:08:32,965 --> 00:08:36,524

- Привет, Трейси, привет, Кейт!

- Привет, Джанет.

00:08:36,544 --> 00:08:41,489

- Выглядишь страстно, Линда. Хочешь пойти куда-нибудь

и потрахаться ножницами позже? /- А?

00:08:41,509 --> 00:08:43,905

- Привет, Пэтти.

- Как делишки, Джанет?

00:08:43,925 --> 00:08:48,833

О, перестань разглядывать меня таким взглядом,

трахаешь ножницами меня своими глазами.

00:08:48,853 --> 00:09:07,241

- Эй, Джанет, почему бы тебе не подцепить свою собственную девку?

- О, да! Лесбийская драка! О! Ты ударила меня прямо в письку!

00:09:07,261 --> 00:09:19,054

О! Мы трахаемся ножницами! О, да! Ножницами, о!

- Вы, ребята! Вы, ребята! Перестаньте!

00:09:19,074 --> 00:09:24,472

Послушайте меня, все. У меня плохие новости!

- Что это такое, Кэти?

00:09:24,492 --> 00:09:32,250

- Они закрывают бар, навсегда.

- Закрывают его? Они не могут сделать этого.

00:09:32,270 --> 00:09:36,072

- Это наш дом.

- Да, это наш дом!

00:09:36,092 --> 00:09:42,557

Ну, это правда, я только что разговаривала с собственниками.

Они продали этот бар Персам.

00:09:42,577 --> 00:09:45,967

- Персам?!

- Так куда мы должны идти?

00:09:45,987 --> 00:09:58,432

Мы не пойдём никуда! У нас прошлое здесь!

Персы закроют этот бар через моё мёртвое лесбийское тело!

00:09:58,452 --> 00:10:05,540

Мэр, это безобразие!

Мы подвергаются дискриминации как лесбиянки!

00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:11,921

- Вы лесбиянка теперь?

- Это верно. Я горжусь тем, что лесбиянка. И наш дом отбирают!

00:10:11,941 --> 00:10:16,365

Бар был продан Персам собственниками клуба,

я не понимаю, чего вы хотите, чтобы я с этим сделала.

00:10:16,385 --> 00:10:23,594

Запретите сделку. Это происходит по всей стране, мэр.

Лесбийские бары выкупают, закрывают. Это не правильно!

00:10:23,614 --> 00:10:26,806

- Да! Это верно!

- Мне очень жаль, но у меня связаны руки.

00:10:26,826 --> 00:10:32,526

Новые владельцы планируют начать косметический ремонт

бара завтра. Вы должны уйти к тому времени.

00:10:32,546 --> 00:10:37,564

Вы видели, как Персы украшают?

00:10:37,584 --> 00:10:47,086

Они покроют этот бар дрянным синим (+..) ковровым покрытием,

белые статуи и золотые карнизы, так что вы захотите блевануть.

00:10:47,106 --> 00:10:54,891

- Миссис Гаррисон, проваливайте отсюда.

- Ну, выпьем за те великие дела в этом баре.

00:10:54,911 --> 00:10:59,516

Да, думаю, мы просто должны найти какое-то другое место,

чтобы ошиваться.

00:10:59,536 --> 00:11:04,639

Ну, давайте, девки! Я не могу поверить в то, что я слышу!

Мы не можем просто сдаться!

00:11:04,659 --> 00:11:08,123

- Ну, что мы должны делать, Джанет?

- Мы встанем и будем бороться.

00:11:08,123 --> 00:11:14,939

Когда Персы придут, мы скажем им, что мы не покинем Лесбос!

- На самом деле, это Les Boux.

00:11:14,959 --> 00:11:27,692

Нет! Это Лесбос. Мы Лесбы. И, как Лесбы, мы не можем просто

стоять и смотреть, как один женский бар за другим закрывают!

00:11:27,712 --> 00:11:33,926

- Персы послали кого-то, чтобы поговорить с нами.

- Здравствуйте, меня зовут Амир Хади.

00:11:33,946 --> 00:11:39,796

Мой босс послал меня сюда, потому что он услышал, что

вы были расстроены нашей попыткой забрать себе бар.

00:11:39,816 --> 00:11:42,922

- Да, мы расстроены.

- Ну, мы хотим заверить вас,

00:11:42,942 --> 00:11:49,133

что, когда это место станет ещё одним клубом Перш,

вы всё ещё будете на сто процентов желанны.

00:11:49,153 --> 00:11:56,540

Всё, что они хотят - сделать место по-настоящему милым. Мы

собираемся положить прекрасный синий ковёр и золотые карнизы.

00:11:56,560 --> 00:12:00,167

- Я так и знала! Я так и знала!

- Но вы всё ещё сможете приходить.

00:12:00,187 --> 00:12:04,468

Мой босс хочет, чтобы вы знали, что вы не будете

подвергаться дискриминации ни в коем случае.

00:12:04,488 --> 00:12:09,348

- Вы позволите входить гетеросексуальным людям? Мужчинам?

- Ну, мы позволим любому..

00:12:09,368 --> 00:12:15,761

- Выбирай следующие слова мудро, Перс.

- Слушайте, э-э, мы не должны предлагать вам ничего.

00:12:15,781 --> 00:12:31,699

Вот я не знаю, почему вы так усложняете, это безумие.

- Нет, это не безумие. Это Лесбос!

00:12:31,719 --> 00:12:38,064

- Как вы смеете!

- И так это началось.

00:12:38,084 --> 00:12:47,477

Долбанув посланнику Перса по яйцам, Лесбы послали сообщение.

По всей стране лесбиянки услышали о храбром противостоянии.

00:12:47,497 --> 00:12:53,518

Как группа лесбиянок в Колорадо отказываются

впустить новых собственников их бара..

00:12:53,518 --> 00:13:03,676

- Молодцы!

- Давайте, девушки!

00:13:03,696 --> 00:13:10,885

Персы вернулись в их офис. И рассказали своим

сотрудникам как 30 Лесбос отказывались их впустить.

00:13:10,905 --> 00:13:28,414

Ну, хорошо. Если они собираются блокировать вход, мы просто

приведём 60 таких как мы! Я позвоню Персам за помощью.

00:13:28,434 --> 00:13:37,493

Часы прошли быстро. И лесбиянки смело выступили перед

их баром, чтобы остановить персов, не дать войти.

00:13:37,513 --> 00:13:52,656

- А вот и они.

- Их так много.

00:13:52,676 --> 00:14:03,237

- Лесбы! Занять позиции!

- Лесбиянки, отойдите. Мы войдём и сделаем косметический ремонт.

00:14:03,257 --> 00:14:09,817

К чёрту вас! Вы можете взять свои синие ковры и золотые карнизы

и засунуть их, в свои персидские жопы!

00:14:09,837 --> 00:14:33,645

- Хорошо, давайте. Они не смогут остановить нас всех.

- Лесбы! Запомните этот день! Запомните этот бой!

00:14:33,665 --> 00:14:49,393

- Не уступайте им ни дюйма! Иранский педик!

- Да ладно! Серьёзно! Пустите нас! /- Никогда!

00:14:49,413 --> 00:15:01,005

Часами Лесбы сдерживали Персов. Держали их поодаль!

Удерживали их от декорирования! Наконец персы устали!

00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:12,226

И многие хотели пойти по магазинам за ещё одними дизайнерскими

солнцезащитными очками. Они отступили. В Лесбы устояли.

00:15:12,246 --> 00:15:17,622

- Лесбы!

- Хо-хо!

00:15:17,642 --> 00:15:22,893

Персы, которые не пошли по магазинам,

теперь знали, что они должны предстать пред их боссом.

00:15:22,913 --> 00:15:31,410

- Вот он идёт.

- Рауф Ксерсис!

00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:42,300

Он сидел на вершине золотого Хаммера с заказными аксессуарами

Гучи, которые только Персы считают крутыми.

00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:49,566

М-р Ксерсис, Лесбы не сдвинулись.

Мы не смогли попасть внутрь, чтобы сделать ремонт.

00:15:49,586 --> 00:15:58,354

Джамал, как ты смог подвести меня в этом простом деле?

Я так сильно зол прямо сейчас, я могу разбить яйца.

00:15:58,374 --> 00:16:12,969

- И с этим, владелец Персидского клуба пришёл к пониманию..

- Я займусь этими Лесбос сам!

00:16:12,989 --> 00:16:21,351

Девочки, я просто хочу сказать, что я очень горжусь вами! То, как

мы удержали этих Персов от занятия нашего бара было лез-умительно!

00:16:21,371 --> 00:16:25,722

Ну, это здорово, Джанет, но что теперь? Мы не можем просто

оставаться здесь, отпихивая их всю свою жизнь.

00:16:25,742 --> 00:16:29,545

- Мы не можем? Я думаю, что это довольно весело.

- Мы должны иметь более надёжный план.

00:16:29,546 --> 00:16:35,843

Что-то, что мы можем использовать против них постоянно.

- Может, мы можем нарыть немного грязи на владельца клуба.

00:16:35,863 --> 00:16:40,542

Эй, это отличная идея, Бетси!

Нам нужен кто-то, работающий внутри (персов).

00:16:40,562 --> 00:16:43,776

- Что ты имеешь в виду?

- Если бы мы смогли заполучить несколько Персов на нашу сторону,

00:16:43,796 --> 00:16:46,564

мы смогли бы послать их туда попытаться накопать

немного грязи на владельца!

00:16:46,584 --> 00:16:49,626

Но кто будет шпионить за ними для нас?!

Мы не знаем, никакого Перса.

00:16:49,629 --> 00:17:02,600

Всё хорошо. Есть люди, кого вы можете нанять для такого рода дела.

Que Pasol! Que Pasol! Ищете работу? Да? Работа?

00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,416

- Да.

- Мы все можем работать, да.

00:17:04,436 --> 00:17:11,343

Так, мы нуждаемся в вас, чтобы проникнуть неким Персам,

кто управляет Club Persh и накопать немного грязи на владельца.

00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:13,207

- Хорошо.

- Конечно.

- Хорошо, да.

00:17:13,227 --> 00:17:17,276

- Джанет, как это сработает? Они не похожи на Персов.

- Конечно, они сделают!

00:17:17,296 --> 00:17:29,758

Смотри, ты просто должен нагелить волосы. Одеть шёлковую

рубашку, немного золотых цепей, и много одеколона. Перс.

00:17:29,778 --> 00:17:32,423

- Да.

- Ничего себе.

00:17:32,443 --> 00:17:37,134

Хорошо, мексиканцы, берите остальные эти наряды

и выясните, что можно узнать. Адрес находится внутри.

00:17:37,154 --> 00:17:46,155

- Хорошо. * /- И мексиканцы, пожалуйста,

спешите, у нашего девчачьего бара очень мало времени.

00:17:46,175 --> 00:17:55,657

Целый день прошёл, и Лесбы знали, что вторая атака Персов

была неизбежна. Снаружи лесбийские дозорные следили,

00:17:55,657 --> 00:18:05,792

готовые предупредить остальных. Лидер лесбов сидел нервно

внутри. Её план одеть мексиканцев как персов в качестве шпионов..

00:18:05,812 --> 00:18:12,434

Может, он провалился. Она оглядела своих подруг Лесбов.

Они устали.

00:18:12,454 --> 00:18:28,874

Для того, чтобы поддержать своих Лесбов бодрствующими,

у неё не было выбора. Ей придётся сделать кофе.

00:18:37,583 --> 00:18:44,781

Со свежесваренным кофе Лесбы обрели новую жизнь.

Но будет ли этого достаточно?

00:18:44,801 --> 00:18:49,223

- Персы нападают снова!

- Занять позиции, Лесбы!

00:18:49,243 --> 00:18:54,949

- На улицу!

- Нет, подождите! Подождите! Это не персы, это мексиканцы!

00:18:54,969 --> 00:18:56,616

- В самом деле?

- Откуда ты знаешь?

00:18:56,636 --> 00:19:00,670

- Пропустите их. Всё хорошо!

- Привет. Как поживаете.

00:19:00,690 --> 00:19:03,755

Вы обнаружили что-нибудь?

Делают ли персы что-либо противозаконное?

00:19:03,755 --> 00:19:09,287

- Гм, нет, они не делают ничего противозаконного.

- Вы уверены?

00:19:09,307 --> 00:19:19,955

- Но мы разузнали своего рода тайну про главного человека.

- Какую тайну? О, Боже мой. Уверены ли вы в этом? /- Да.

00:19:19,967 --> 00:19:25,166

Джанет! Джанет. Персидский босс здесь.

Он хочет поговорить с тобой и наедине.

00:19:25,186 --> 00:19:35,346

Хорошо. Как раз время встретиться с этой

богатой персидской задницей лицом к лицу.

00:19:35,366 --> 00:19:42,010

- Почему вы лесбиянки такие капризные?

- Потому что мы защищаем единственный дом, который у нас есть.

00:19:42,030 --> 00:19:48,200

- Я не понимаю, почему вы все должны быть супер ущербны в этом.

- Вы знаете, давным-давно, когда я впервые поняла, что я была

00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:54,378

лесбиянкой, я почувствовала себя изолированной, смущённой. И,

наконец, я нашла место, которое принимает меня такой, какая я есть.

00:19:54,398 --> 00:20:02,210

Ладно, как насчёт этого. Я сделаю вас менеджером клуба Persh.

Вы будете зарабатывать хорошие деньги.

00:20:02,230 --> 00:20:08,264

Это щедрое предложение, Ксерсис.

Но, видите ли, есть кое-что, что я знаю о тебе.

00:20:08,284 --> 00:20:16,231

Я знаю, что ты на самом деле женщина.

- Как? Как вы это выяснили?

00:20:16,251 --> 00:20:21,523

Я наняла мексиканцев чтобы шпионить за тобой.

Они видели, как ты работала над формами.

00:20:21,543 --> 00:20:28,246

Вы не понимаете. Женщины не могут быть хозяином

в персидской культуре! Никто не может знать об этом!

00:20:28,266 --> 00:20:35,400

Да, и ты знаешь почему? Потому что все мужики - задницы.

Они заставляют тебя чувствовать стыд за то, что ты чуть

00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:43,274

крупная или мужеподобно выглядишь. Но не лесбы.

Мы принимаем других женщин такими, какие они есть внутри.

00:20:43,294 --> 00:20:49,782

- Вы принимаете, серьёзно?

- Ты никогда даже не думала, чтобы быть с другой женщиной ранее?

00:20:49,802 --> 00:21:01,069

Нет, я даже не знаю, как две женщины могут заниматься любовью.

Если они только вроде ножницами или как-то так.

00:21:01,089 --> 00:21:06,839

- О, да! Ножницами меня, Ксерсис!

- О, эти эротические прикосновения так супер приятны.

00:21:06,859 --> 00:21:10,663

- Да, ножницами!

- О, я обновлённая женщина!

00:21:10,683 --> 00:21:17,576

И так вышло, что Лесбос был спасён.

Персы согласились содержать этот лесби-бар,

00:21:17,596 --> 00:21:22,901

ведь ни одна лесбиянка не должна жить без коктейлей.

- Спасибо за всё, Ксерсис.

00:21:22,901 --> 00:21:27,850

- Нет. Спасибо тебе, подруга.

- Эй, разве ты не должна преподавать в школе прямо сейчас?

00:21:27,870 --> 00:21:36,400

- Школа наняла замену, чтобы прикрыть меня.

- И вот, чтобы найти сумму двух дробей, вы должны всегда

00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:41,716

сначала привести к наименьшему общему знаменателю.

- Да. /- Да. Да. /- Да.

00:21:41,736 --> 00:21:54,748

- Эти ребята довольно хороши.

- Да, я думаю, что я на самом деле познаю что-то.

00:22:14,420 --> 00:22:14,430

.

00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,430

♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:00:12,555 --> 00:00:13,973

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:14,098 --> 00:00:15,641

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:16,976

♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:00:17,101 --> 00:00:19,061

♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:20,813

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:00:20,938 --> 00:00:22,440

♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

00:00:22,565 --> 00:00:23,774

♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

00:00:23,899 --> 00:00:25,568

♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:28,988

♪ ( mumbling ) ♪

00:00:29,113 --> 00:00:30,281

♪ Come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:30,406 --> 00:00:31,449

♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:35,703

( school bell ringing )

00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:41,500

Everyone sit down

and shut the fuck up!

00:00:41,625 --> 00:00:44,754

God damn it,

stupid-ass men!

00:00:44,879 --> 00:00:46,714

They're all the same!

00:00:46,839 --> 00:00:47,965

Oh, God,

here we go again.

00:00:48,090 --> 00:00:50,009

All men care about

is sex.

00:00:50,134 --> 00:00:51,260

I spent two hours

00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:53,012

getting ready

for that stupid date!

00:00:53,137 --> 00:00:54,638

And when the bastard

checks out my body

00:00:54,764 --> 00:00:56,015

he just says,

00:00:56,140 --> 00:00:58,184

"Hey, did you used to be

a guy, or something?"

00:00:58,309 --> 00:01:01,145

I'm a woman now,

so what's it matter?

00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:02,855

Oh-oh,

this isn't good.

00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:04,732

Did I say something

to you, sugartits?

00:01:04,857 --> 00:01:06,317

No, ma'am.

00:01:06,442 --> 00:01:07,860

You boys

make me sick!

00:01:07,985 --> 00:01:09,779

You're well on your way

to being men

00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:12,490

who only think

with their penises!

00:01:12,615 --> 00:01:14,909

I am assigning all of you

weekend homework.

00:01:15,034 --> 00:01:16,827

You are going to

read Hemingway's book

00:01:16,952 --> 00:01:19,580

The Old Man and The Sea.

00:01:19,705 --> 00:01:21,165

Have you

lost your mind?

00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:23,375

Dude, we can't read an

entire book in one weekend!

00:01:23,501 --> 00:01:25,252

Oh, that's

too bad, dude.

00:01:25,377 --> 00:01:26,587

Maybe if you boys

00:01:26,712 --> 00:01:28,589

could keep your

penises in your pants

00:01:28,714 --> 00:01:30,716

once in a while,

you'd get more done!

00:01:30,841 --> 00:01:32,760

But, Teacher, my penis

never slips out my pants!

00:01:32,885 --> 00:01:35,054

Except sometimes when

I'm wearing pajamas!

00:01:35,179 --> 00:01:37,640

If you do not have an essay

written on Monday,

00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:38,766

then you will fail!

00:01:38,891 --> 00:01:40,476

Is that clear?

00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:41,769

( school bell ringing )

00:01:41,894 --> 00:01:43,229

Dude, how are

we supposed to

00:01:43,354 --> 00:01:44,730

read an entire book

over the weekend

00:01:44,855 --> 00:01:45,981

and write an essay?

00:01:46,107 --> 00:01:47,691

Our whole weekend

is shot!

00:01:47,817 --> 00:01:49,110

( mumbling ) What the

hell are we gonna do?

00:01:49,235 --> 00:01:50,694

You guys,

you guys, relax.

00:01:50,820 --> 00:01:51,946

We don't have to

read the book

00:01:52,071 --> 00:01:53,197

or write the essay.

00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:54,698

We don't?

00:01:54,824 --> 00:01:56,575

No... There's people

you can hire

00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:57,827

to do these

kinds of things.

00:02:01,831 --> 00:02:03,249

( whistling )

00:02:03,374 --> 00:02:05,626

Que pasol?

Que pasol?

00:02:05,751 --> 00:02:06,919

Looking for work,

si, trabajo?

00:02:07,044 --> 00:02:09,630

Yes.

We all can work, si.

00:02:09,755 --> 00:02:11,715

Okay, listen up,

Mexicans, we need you to read

00:02:11,841 --> 00:02:13,134

The Old Man and The Sea

for us.

00:02:13,259 --> 00:02:14,301

Comprende?

00:02:14,426 --> 00:02:17,721

E old man y la mer.

00:02:17,847 --> 00:02:19,140

Okay. - Okay.

- Sure

00:02:19,265 --> 00:02:20,516

Here-- we need you

to work together,

00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:22,226

read the book,

and write four essays.

00:02:22,351 --> 00:02:23,435

Comprende?

00:02:23,561 --> 00:02:25,271

La summarizia.

00:02:25,396 --> 00:02:27,022

Okay, no problem.

- That's no problem.

00:02:27,148 --> 00:02:28,607

Yeah, we can do that.

Si, la summarazia.

00:02:28,732 --> 00:02:29,984

Okay, gracias.

00:02:30,109 --> 00:02:31,277

Gracias!

- Gracias!

00:02:31,402 --> 00:02:32,278

Dude, that is awesome.

00:02:32,403 --> 00:02:33,487

I had no idea

you could do that.

00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:34,488

Oh, yeah, dude,

having Mexicans around

00:02:34,613 --> 00:02:35,656

totally kicks fuckin' ass.

00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:40,619

They can all

rot in hell!

00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:42,663

Who needs men anyway!

00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:44,874

They're God damn arrogant,

self-centered assholes

00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:46,417

is what they are!

00:02:46,542 --> 00:02:48,085

Are you okay, hon?

00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:49,837

I just hate men

is all.

00:02:49,962 --> 00:02:50,838

It's like all

they care about

00:02:50,963 --> 00:02:52,464

is how hot

you look.

00:02:52,590 --> 00:02:54,341

Yeah, I've never

been into men.

00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:55,593

That's why

I workout here.

00:02:55,718 --> 00:02:57,094

Since it's women only,

00:02:57,219 --> 00:02:58,971

we don't get oogled at

or feel self-conscious.

00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:00,306

Tell me about it.

00:03:00,431 --> 00:03:02,141

I can't even stretch

at a normal gym

00:03:02,266 --> 00:03:04,810

without a some guy

trying to stare down my vag.

00:03:04,935 --> 00:03:06,770

I'm Allison.

00:03:06,896 --> 00:03:09,190

Oh, I'm Janet--

Janet Garrison.

00:03:09,315 --> 00:03:11,066

Sorry I'm so

pissed off.

00:03:11,192 --> 00:03:12,735

No, I like it.

00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:14,486

You seem like

a very strong woman.

00:03:14,612 --> 00:03:16,197

Yeah, I've been

told that.

00:03:16,322 --> 00:03:18,073

How come I've never seen you

down at the girl bar?

00:03:18,199 --> 00:03:19,450

Girl bar?

00:03:19,575 --> 00:03:21,202

I never even knew

there was such a place.

00:03:21,327 --> 00:03:22,578

Oh, you'd love it.

00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:23,871

It's the only bar in town

where women like us

00:03:23,996 --> 00:03:25,664

can hang out

and be ourselves.

00:03:25,789 --> 00:03:27,082

It's called Les Bos.

00:03:33,505 --> 00:03:34,381

Hi, Linda, hi, Kate.

00:03:34,506 --> 00:03:36,383

Hey, Allison.

00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:37,885

Who is the new girl?

00:03:38,010 --> 00:03:40,554

Allison always goes

for the butch ones.

00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:41,847

Hey, Nel,

whassup, Tracy?

00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:44,350

What a great place!

00:03:44,475 --> 00:03:46,602

All the girls here

seem to know each other!

00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:48,562

Yeah, well, most of

the girls here

00:03:48,687 --> 00:03:49,813

have done each other.

00:03:49,939 --> 00:03:51,315

Yeah...

00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:52,650

Done what?

00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:54,318

You know...

Had sex.

00:03:57,238 --> 00:03:59,949

Oh, my God, this is

a lesbian bar?!

00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:02,701

Yeah, I-- thought

you understood that.

00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:04,954

Oh, jeez!

00:04:05,079 --> 00:04:07,915

I'm sorry, I thought you

knew what "girl bar" meant.

00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:10,834

But I'm not a--

whoa... Whoa...

00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,421

Janet, I'm really sorry.

00:04:14,546 --> 00:04:15,798

It's just that

at the gym

00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:17,174

you said you didn't

like being with men

00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:18,175

so I thought

you were a--

00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:19,635

I don't like

being with men!

00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:22,972

They're perverted,

selfish pigs!

00:04:23,097 --> 00:04:27,059

Have you... Never even

thought of being with...

00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:28,727

Another woman?

00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:33,857

Oh, goodness, no,

of course I haven't!

00:04:33,983 --> 00:04:36,193

I mean... Really

I don't even understand

00:04:36,318 --> 00:04:39,446

how two woman can...

Make love.

00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:41,031

I mean, unless

they just kind of...

00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:42,992

Scissor or something.

00:04:43,117 --> 00:04:45,327

There are a lot of ways

to make love, Janet.

00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:47,496

I guess I'd be

lying if I said

00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:51,792

I wasn't a little...

Tittylated.

00:04:51,917 --> 00:04:55,587

Could I...

Maybe kiss you?

00:04:55,713 --> 00:04:57,589

Oh, this is wrong!

00:04:57,715 --> 00:05:00,050

You're another woman--

it doesn't make sense!

00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:01,593

Is it wrong, Janet?

00:05:01,719 --> 00:05:04,054

Let your

inhibitions go...

00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:05,556

Let's just have

fun tonight.

00:05:05,681 --> 00:05:06,765

No commitments...

00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:08,892

Just fun.

00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:16,400

♪ Come to my window ♪

00:05:16,525 --> 00:05:18,068

♪ Crawl inside ♪

00:05:18,193 --> 00:05:20,321

♪ Wait by the light... ♪

00:05:20,446 --> 00:05:22,448

Oh, yeah, scissor!

00:05:22,573 --> 00:05:24,033

Yeah, scissor me,

Allison!

00:05:24,158 --> 00:05:25,784

Janet, you're crazy!

00:05:25,909 --> 00:05:27,995

Oh, this is hot

scissoring!

00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:30,622

Ohhhh...

Scissor me timbers!

00:05:35,252 --> 00:05:36,879

They better be done with

the book reports!

00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:38,422

School starts

in fifteen minutes!

00:05:38,547 --> 00:05:39,298

They'll be done.

00:05:39,423 --> 00:05:40,924

( whistling )

00:05:41,050 --> 00:05:42,176

Que pasol!

Que pasol!

00:05:42,301 --> 00:05:44,345

All right, did you

read the book?

00:05:44,470 --> 00:05:45,346

- Si.

Si.

- Si.

00:05:45,471 --> 00:05:46,597

What was it about?

00:05:46,722 --> 00:05:47,973

In case our teacher

asks us.

00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:50,142

It starts there's

the old man.

00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:53,562

And he job is to

catch the feesh.

00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,898

So he get in a boat

00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:57,941

to try and

catch a feesh.

00:05:58,067 --> 00:05:59,902

So he catch the feesh,

00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:01,779

but the feesh

is very strong--

00:06:01,904 --> 00:06:04,948

so the old man cannot

reel in the feesh.

00:06:05,074 --> 00:06:08,827

So then he fight

the feesh some more.

00:06:08,952 --> 00:06:11,372

And he finally catch

the feesh.

00:06:11,497 --> 00:06:13,916

He catches the feesh,

so then he can make money.

00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,293

No, because

on the way home...

00:06:16,418 --> 00:06:19,004

The sharks come and

eat the feesh.

00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:22,424

And so...

He no make money.

00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:24,593

( sniffing sadly )

00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,428

that's it--

that's the whole story?

00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:27,638

Si.

00:06:27,763 --> 00:06:29,264

All right, did you write

the four essays.

00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:30,682

Si, we all wrote

es es for you.

00:06:30,808 --> 00:06:32,184

All right! All

right! All right!

00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:33,602

Okay, let's have 'em!

00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,646

Have what?

00:06:35,771 --> 00:06:37,606

You said you

all wrote essays!

00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:39,066

Where are they?

00:06:39,191 --> 00:06:41,443

Well, my ese

lives in Miami.

00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:42,903

I wrote to him,

like you said,

00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:44,988

but I don't think

he got the letter yet.

00:06:45,114 --> 00:06:46,740

I wrote my ese

in Albuquerque.

00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:48,492

I wrote three eses.

00:06:48,617 --> 00:06:51,036

My ese back home,

my ese in Denver,

00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:53,872

and my ese in Glenwood

even wrote me back!

00:06:53,997 --> 00:06:55,874

"Thanks for

writing me, ese."

00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:58,127

Oh-oh...

00:06:58,252 --> 00:07:00,629

Dude, we're totally

fucked now.

00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:01,713

Why the hell

would we pay you

00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:03,090

to write your friends?

00:07:03,215 --> 00:07:04,591

We thought it was

kind of strange.

00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:05,968

This is

your fault, Cartman!

00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:07,302

Now we're gonna fail!

00:07:07,428 --> 00:07:08,512

You guys, school starts

in ten minutes!

00:07:08,637 --> 00:07:10,180

Son of a bitch!

00:07:10,305 --> 00:07:13,058

( school bell ringing )

00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:15,060

Clyde, Clyde--

00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,854

Hey, Clyde, you didn't finish

your essay either, right?

00:07:16,979 --> 00:07:18,230

No, I got it done.

00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:20,774

Jimmy, did you finish

your book report?

00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:22,276

Yeah, I feel pretty

good about it.

00:07:22,401 --> 00:07:23,569

I finished my

whole book report

00:07:23,694 --> 00:07:25,612

and I got a really nice

letter from my ese

00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,114

who works down

at the U-Haul!

00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:31,910

Crap!

We're dead.

00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:34,288

♪ Hello, class ♪

00:07:34,413 --> 00:07:37,583

Here's my little desk...

And my nice little chalkboard.

00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:39,251

Mrs. Garrison,

about our book reports...

00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:40,961

Oh, that's okay, Eric.

00:07:41,086 --> 00:07:42,629

If you need a little more time

with your homework,

00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:44,548

just say so!

00:07:44,673 --> 00:07:46,175

Really?

00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:47,885

Kids, I need to

tell you something

00:07:48,010 --> 00:07:51,263

that you might find

shocking... ( sighing )

00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:54,183

I'm gay.

00:07:54,308 --> 00:07:55,559

Again?

00:07:55,684 --> 00:07:57,060

It was a shock

to me too.

00:07:57,186 --> 00:07:59,813

I met another

woman and...

00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:01,940

We went to this

fabulous bar called Les Bos,

00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:04,610

where I finally

felt at home.

00:08:04,735 --> 00:08:06,278

Allison and I talked

00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:08,864

and we really opened up

to each other and then we

00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:10,991

scissored all night long.

00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:14,036

You have to be careful

with scissors.

00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:15,746

But listen, I am not going to

00:08:15,871 --> 00:08:18,040

just rush into

a relationship with Allison.

00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:19,875

I'm a late-in-life lesbian,

00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,294

so I need to play the field

for a while, right?

00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:23,754

I'm so happy.

00:08:23,879 --> 00:08:25,255

That's great!

00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:27,216

Let's hear it for

teacher being a lesbian!

00:08:27,341 --> 00:08:28,300

Yay! Yay!

Yay!

00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:29,218

Tee-hee hee-hee!

00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:34,598

Hey, Tracy, hey, Kate!

00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:35,849

Hi, Janet.

00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:37,726

Looking hot, Linda.

00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:39,937

Wanna go somewhere

and scissor later on?

00:08:40,062 --> 00:08:41,230

Huh?

00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:42,648

Hey, Patty.

00:08:42,773 --> 00:08:43,982

Whassup, Janet?

00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:46,235

Ooh, stop giving me

that look,

00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:49,321

scissoring me

with your eyes.

00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:52,074

Hey, Janet, why don't you

pick up on your own girl?!

00:08:55,077 --> 00:08:57,120

( groaning )

00:08:57,246 --> 00:08:59,081

Oh, yeah,

dyke fight!

00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:00,707

Oh!

00:09:04,586 --> 00:09:07,339

Oh, you kicked me

right in the pussy!

00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:10,592

Oh!

00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:14,263

Oh... Ohh,

we're scissoring!

00:09:14,388 --> 00:09:17,015

Oh, yeah, scissor... Oh!

00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:19,017

You guys,

you guys, stop it!

00:09:19,142 --> 00:09:20,644

Listen to me,

everybody...

00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:22,354

I got some bad news!

00:09:22,479 --> 00:09:24,648

What is it, Katie?

00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:28,402

They're closing down

the bar... For good!

00:09:28,527 --> 00:09:31,947

Closing it down?

They can't do that...

00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:33,865

This is our home.

00:09:33,991 --> 00:09:36,410

Yeah, this is

our home!

00:09:36,535 --> 00:09:38,453

Well, it's true,

I just talked to the owners.

00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:40,664

They've sold the bar

to Persians.

00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:44,084

Persians?!

00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:46,169

So where are we

supposed to go.

00:09:46,295 --> 00:09:47,838

We aren't

going anywhere!

00:09:47,963 --> 00:09:49,590

We have a history here!

00:09:49,715 --> 00:09:51,174

Persians are

closing this bar

00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:53,176

over my dead lesbian body!

00:09:58,181 --> 00:10:00,392

Mayor, this is an outrage!

00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:01,935

We are being

discriminated against

00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:03,353

as lesbians!

00:10:05,856 --> 00:10:07,065

You're a lesbian now?

00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:09,860

That's right.

A proud lesbian.

00:10:09,985 --> 00:10:12,112

And our home is

being taken away!

00:10:12,237 --> 00:10:14,448

The bar has been sold

to Persian club owners.

00:10:14,573 --> 00:10:15,824

I don't know what you want me

to do about it.

00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,659

Forbid the transaction.

00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,745

This is happening all over

the country, mayor.

00:10:19,870 --> 00:10:21,997

Lesbian bars being

bought out, shut down.

00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:23,332

It isn't right!

00:10:23,457 --> 00:10:24,750

Yeah! That's right!

Yeah!

00:10:24,875 --> 00:10:26,501

I'm sorry,

but my hands are tied.

00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:28,003

The new owners

plan to start

00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,212

redecorating

the bar tomorrow.

00:10:29,338 --> 00:10:30,631

You have to be out

by then.

00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:34,843

Have you seen

how Persians decorate?

00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:40,307

They will cover that bar

in cheesy blue carpeting,

00:10:40,432 --> 00:10:42,100

white statues and

gold curtain rods

00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:44,186

to the point that you

will want to puke.

00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:48,815

Mrs. Garrison,

get out of here.

00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:54,696

Well, here's to some

great times at this place.

00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:56,406

Yeah, guess we'll

just have to

00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:58,909

find somewhere else

to hang out...

00:10:59,034 --> 00:11:01,578

Now, come on, gals!

00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:02,996

I can't believe

what I'm hearing!

00:11:03,121 --> 00:11:04,665

We can't just give up!

00:11:04,790 --> 00:11:06,625

Well, what are we

supposed to do, Janet?

00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:08,085

We stand and fight.

00:11:08,210 --> 00:11:09,461

When the Persians come

we tell them,

00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:12,297

we aren't leaving "lesbos"!

00:11:12,422 --> 00:11:14,299

Actually,

it's Les Bos.

00:11:14,424 --> 00:11:17,344

No, it's "lesbos."

00:11:17,469 --> 00:11:20,222

We... Are lesbos.

00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:21,848

And as lesbos,

00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:23,475

we cannot just

stand and watch

00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:27,604

as one girl bar after another

gets shut down!

00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:29,690

The Persians have sent

somebody to talk to us.

00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,860

Hello, my name

is Amir Hadi.

00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:36,196

My boss sent me over here

because he heard you were

00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:39,199

upset about us trying to

take over the bar.

00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:41,034

Yes, we are.

00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:42,869

Well, we want to

assure you

00:11:42,994 --> 00:11:45,580

that when this place

becomes another Club Persh--

00:11:45,706 --> 00:11:49,084

you will all still be one

hundred percent welcome.

00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:52,045

All they want is to make

the place really nice.

00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:54,256

We're going to put down

some lovely blue carpet

00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:56,341

and gold curtain rods.

00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:58,260

I knew it, I knew it!

00:11:58,385 --> 00:11:59,761

But you are still

welcome to come.

00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:01,138

My boss wants

you to know

00:12:01,263 --> 00:12:02,889

that you will not be

discriminated against

00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:04,516

in any way.

00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:05,809

Would you allow

straight people in?

00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:07,227

Men?

00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:08,603

Well... We would

allow whoever--

00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:13,024

Choose your next words

wisely, Persian.

00:12:13,150 --> 00:12:15,110

Look, uh, we don't have to

offer you anything

00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,237

so I don't know why

you're being so difficult.

00:12:17,362 --> 00:12:18,739

This is crazy.

00:12:18,864 --> 00:12:22,743

No... This isn't crazy...

00:12:22,868 --> 00:12:25,662

This is lesbos!

00:12:27,873 --> 00:12:31,084

Ahhghghggh!

00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:32,753

How dare you!

00:12:35,297 --> 00:12:37,340

( narrator )

And so it had begun.

00:12:37,466 --> 00:12:40,427

By kicking the Persian

messenger in the balls,

00:12:40,552 --> 00:12:42,721

the lesbos had sent

a message.

00:12:42,846 --> 00:12:44,097

All over the country,

00:12:44,222 --> 00:12:46,975

lesbians heard of

the brave standoff.

00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,561

... As group of lesbians

in Colorado

00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:51,271

are refusing to

allow the new owners

00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:52,981

of their bar in--

00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:54,316

Good for them!

00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:55,609

You go, girls!

00:13:03,158 --> 00:13:05,494

The Persians

returned to their office

00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:08,330

and told their coworkers

how the 30 lesbos

00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:10,248

were refusing

to let them in.

00:13:10,373 --> 00:13:11,666

Well, fine!

00:13:11,792 --> 00:13:13,627

If they're going to

block the entrance,

00:13:13,752 --> 00:13:15,921

we'll just bring

like 60 of us!

00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:17,964

I'll call more

Persians for help.

00:13:28,725 --> 00:13:31,061

The hours passed quickly.

00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:33,939

And the lesbians boldly

stood out in front of their bar

00:13:34,064 --> 00:13:36,817

to stop the Persians

from entering.

00:13:36,942 --> 00:13:38,276

Here they come.

00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:51,540

There's so many of them!

00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:55,418

Lesbos...

Positions!

00:13:55,544 --> 00:13:57,546

Hoo! Hoo!

Hoo! Hoo!

00:13:58,547 --> 00:14:00,924

Lesbians, stand aside.

00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:03,051

We are coming in

and redecorating.

00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:04,553

( Mrs. Garrison )

The hell you are!

00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:06,054

You can take your

blue carpet

00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:07,514

and gold curtain rods

00:14:07,639 --> 00:14:09,599

and shove 'em up your

Persian buttholes!

00:14:09,724 --> 00:14:11,393

All right, come on.

00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:13,061

They can't

stop all of us.

00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:14,896

Ahghghh!

Aghghghghghggh!

00:14:19,818 --> 00:14:22,028

Lesbos,

remember this day!

00:14:22,153 --> 00:14:23,280

Remember this fight!

00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:35,750

Don't give them

an inch!

00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:37,419

Oho! Oof!

Agh!

00:14:39,963 --> 00:14:41,965

Ow!

Iranian faggot.

00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:44,676

Come on,

seriously!

00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:45,677

Let us in!

00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:47,262

Never!

00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:52,726

For hours the lesbos

kept the Persians back.

00:14:52,851 --> 00:14:54,477

Holding them off!

00:14:54,603 --> 00:14:56,187

Keeping them

from decorating!

00:14:56,313 --> 00:14:58,315

Aghghghghh!

00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:00,734

Finally, the Persians

grew tired!

00:15:00,859 --> 00:15:02,485

And many wanted

to go shopping

00:15:02,611 --> 00:15:04,863

for more

designer sunglasses.

00:15:04,988 --> 00:15:07,032

They retreated.

00:15:07,157 --> 00:15:09,409

The lesbos...

Had held.

00:15:11,912 --> 00:15:15,040

Lesbos!

00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:16,124

Hoo-uh! Hoo-uh!

Hoo-uh!

00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:17,542

Hoo-uh! Hoo-uh!

Hoo-uh!

00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:19,544

The Persians who did not

go shopping

00:15:19,669 --> 00:15:22,464

now knew they must

face their boss.

00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,341

Here he comes.

00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:31,389

Rauf Xerxis!

00:15:31,514 --> 00:15:33,683

He sat atop

a gold hummer

00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:35,852

with customized

Gucci accessories,

00:15:35,977 --> 00:15:37,729

which only a Persian

would think was cool.

00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:45,445

Mr. Xerxis, the lesbos

wouldn't move.

00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:47,572

We could not get

inside to redecorate.

00:15:49,491 --> 00:15:51,493

Jamal, how could you

have failed me

00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:53,620

in this simple task?

00:15:53,745 --> 00:15:56,081

I am so seriously

pissed off right now,

00:15:56,206 --> 00:15:58,500

I could bust a testicle.

00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:00,502

And with that

the Persian club owner

00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:03,380

came to a realization...

00:16:03,505 --> 00:16:07,676

I shall have to deal

with these lesbos myself.

00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:14,265

Girls, I just

want to say that

00:16:14,391 --> 00:16:16,351

I am very proud of you!

00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,019

The way we kept

those Persians

00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:21,147

from taking over our bar

was les-tastic!

00:16:21,272 --> 00:16:23,066

Well, that's great,

Janet, but what now?

00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:24,567

We can't just stay here

pushing them away

00:16:24,693 --> 00:16:26,027

our whole lives.

00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:27,362

We can't-- I think

it's pretty fun.

00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,364

We have to have

a more solid plan.

00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:32,117

Something we can use

against them permanently.

00:16:32,242 --> 00:16:35,453

Maybe we can dig up

some dirt on the club owner.

00:16:35,578 --> 00:16:37,914

Hey, that's

a great idea, Betsy!

00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:40,000

We need somebody

working on the inside.

00:16:40,125 --> 00:16:41,584

What do you mean?

00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:43,461

If we could get

some Persians on our side,

00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:45,005

we could send them in

to try and dig up some dirt

00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:46,673

on the owner!

00:16:46,798 --> 00:16:48,216

But who's going to

spy on them for us?!

00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:49,634

We don't know any Persians!

00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:50,969

It's okay.

00:16:51,094 --> 00:16:52,303

There's people

you can hire

00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:53,722

for this kind of thing.

00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:59,894

( whistling )

Que pasol, que pasol!

00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:02,063

Looking for work--

si, trabajo?

00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:04,399

Yes.

We all can work, si.

00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,443

All right, we need you to infiltrate some Persians

00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:08,111

who run Club Persh

00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:10,321

and dig up some dirt

on the owner.

00:17:10,447 --> 00:17:13,199

Okay. Sure.

- Okay, yeah.

00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:14,242

Janet, how is this

going to work?

00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:15,201

They don't look Persian.

00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:16,411

Sure they do!

00:17:17,746 --> 00:17:20,165

You just have to

gel the hair...

00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:22,751

Put on a silk shirt...

00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:25,170

Some gold chains...

00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:27,213

And tons of cologne.

00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:29,758

Persian.

00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:31,051

Si.

00:17:31,176 --> 00:17:32,886

Wow.

00:17:33,011 --> 00:17:34,387

All right, Mexicans, take the rest of these outfits

00:17:34,512 --> 00:17:35,764

and see what

you can find out.

00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:37,348

The address

is in there too.

00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:39,851

Okay. No problem.

- Si.

00:17:39,976 --> 00:17:41,603

And, Mexicans...

00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:44,397

Please hurry, our girl bar

has very little time.

00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:49,277

A full day passed,

and the lesbos knew

00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:52,072

a second Persian attack was imminent.

00:17:52,197 --> 00:17:55,533

Outside, lesbo

lookouts kept watch.

00:17:55,658 --> 00:17:58,453

Ready to alert the others.

00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:01,372

The lesbo leader

sat nervously inside.

00:18:01,498 --> 00:18:05,543

Her plan to dress Mexicans as Persians to act

as spies...

00:18:05,668 --> 00:18:07,504

Perhaps it had failed.

00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:10,340

She looked around

at her fellow lesbos...

00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:12,300

They were tired.

00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:14,219

In order to keep her

lesbos awake,

00:18:14,344 --> 00:18:16,596

she had no choice.

00:18:16,721 --> 00:18:19,599

She would have to

make coffee.

00:18:19,724 --> 00:18:21,559

( in slo-mo voice )

Aaahghgh!

00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:41,955

With fresh coffee brewed

the lesbos found new life.

00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:44,666

But would it be enough?

00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:46,835

The Persians are attacking again!

00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:48,753

Take positions, lesbos!

00:18:48,878 --> 00:18:50,338

Get outside!

00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:51,881

No, wait, wait!

00:18:52,006 --> 00:18:54,175

That's not the Persians, it's the Mexicans!

00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:56,219

Really?

How can you tell?

00:18:56,344 --> 00:18:58,388

Let them through,

it's okay!

00:18:58,513 --> 00:19:00,431

Hola.

- Como estas? - Hola.

00:19:00,557 --> 00:19:02,100

Did you

uncover anything?!

00:19:02,225 --> 00:19:03,810

Are the Persians doing anything illegal?

00:19:03,935 --> 00:19:06,187

Uhh... No.

00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:07,438

They're not doing

anything illegal.

00:19:07,564 --> 00:19:09,274

Are you sure?

00:19:09,399 --> 00:19:11,442

No, but we did find out

a kind of secret

00:19:11,568 --> 00:19:13,486

about the

person in charge.

00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:14,821

What secret?

00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:19,617

Oh, my God, are you

sure about this?

00:19:19,742 --> 00:19:20,618

(all) Si.

00:19:20,743 --> 00:19:21,953

Janet, the Persian boss is here.

00:19:22,078 --> 00:19:25,373

He wants to talk to

you, and you alone.

00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:26,833

It's okay.

00:19:26,958 --> 00:19:28,501

It's time I met this rich Persian asshole

00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:29,961

face-to-face.

00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:39,012

Why are you lesbians

being so difficult?

00:19:39,137 --> 00:19:42,098

Because we're protecting

the only home we have.

00:19:42,223 --> 00:19:43,600

I don't know why

you have to be

00:19:43,725 --> 00:19:45,435

all super-lame

about this.

00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:46,769

You know,

a long time ago

00:19:46,895 --> 00:19:48,813

when I first realized

I was a lesbian,

00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:51,149

I felt isolated, confused.

00:19:51,274 --> 00:19:52,609

And finally

I found a place

00:19:52,734 --> 00:19:54,652

that accepts me

for who I am.

00:19:54,777 --> 00:19:57,363

Okay, how about this...

00:19:57,488 --> 00:20:00,700

I will make you

the manager of Club Persh.

00:20:00,825 --> 00:20:02,285

You'll make good money.

00:20:02,410 --> 00:20:04,579

That's a generous offer,

Xerxis...

00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:08,666

But you see, there's something

I know about you...

00:20:08,791 --> 00:20:10,960

I know you're

actually a woman.

00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:16,466

How... How did you

find that out?

00:20:16,591 --> 00:20:18,927

I hired Mexicans to spy on you.

00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:21,346

They saw you

working out at Curves.

00:20:21,471 --> 00:20:24,098

You don't understand.

00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:26,184

Women can't be the boss in Persian culture!

00:20:26,309 --> 00:20:28,645

Nobody can

know about this!

00:20:28,770 --> 00:20:30,396

Yeah, and you know why?!

00:20:30,521 --> 00:20:33,024

Because men

are all assholes.

00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:35,693

They make you feel ashamed

for being a little big

00:20:35,818 --> 00:20:37,362

or manly looking.

00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:40,073

But not lesbos.

00:20:40,198 --> 00:20:43,701

We accept other women

for who they are inside.

00:20:43,826 --> 00:20:45,662

You do, seriously?

00:20:45,787 --> 00:20:48,081

Have you never

even thought of

00:20:48,206 --> 00:20:50,250

being with

another woman before?

00:20:50,375 --> 00:20:53,670

No... I don't even

know how two women can...

00:20:53,795 --> 00:20:55,630

Make love.

00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:58,800

Unless they just kind of...

Scissor or something.

00:21:01,469 --> 00:21:04,430

Oh, yeah,

scissor me, Xerxis!

00:21:04,555 --> 00:21:07,016

Ooh, that feels

so super-good.

00:21:07,141 --> 00:21:08,559

Yeah, scissor!

00:21:08,685 --> 00:21:10,436

Oh, I'm a new woman!

00:21:10,561 --> 00:21:13,690

And so it was

that Les Bos was saved!

00:21:14,732 --> 00:21:17,819

The Persians had agreed to keep it a lesbian bar,

00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:21,072

for no dyke should be

without cocktails.

00:21:21,197 --> 00:21:22,949

Thanks for

everything, Xerxis.

00:21:23,074 --> 00:21:25,827

No...

Thank you, friend.

00:21:25,952 --> 00:21:26,911

Hey, aren't you

supposed to be

00:21:27,036 --> 00:21:28,288

teaching school right now?

00:21:28,413 --> 00:21:31,249

The school hired a substitute

to cover for me.

00:21:31,374 --> 00:21:35,670

... And so, to find the sum

of the two fractions,

00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:39,507

you must always first check for

the lowest common denominator.

00:21:39,632 --> 00:21:41,968

Si. - Si. - Si.

- Si. - Si.

00:21:42,093 --> 00:21:43,344

These guys are

pretty good.

00:21:43,469 --> 00:21:46,431

Yeah, I think I'm actually

learning something!