Чудесная пасхальная история

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Замечания и советы в ПМ на http://southpark.org.ru/forum/

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...В моей пасхальной шляпе с оборками я буду самой роскошной леди на параде.

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Как вам? Наполовину фиолетовое, наполовину желтое с наклеенной синичкой.

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Я крут.

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А можно спросить? Зачем мы это делаем?

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Что значит "Зачем мы это делаем?" Это же пасха.

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Ага, и зачем мы красим яйца?

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Нууу, чтобы пасхальный заяц смог их спрятать.

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Да, но зачем?

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Стэнли, пасху празднуют в тот день, когда Иисус воскрес после распятия за наши грехи.

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Поэтому мы окунаем яйца в уксус с красителем и гигантский заяц прячет их?

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Точно.

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Вы не видите тут проблем с логикой?

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Я просто говорю, что между смертью Иисуса на кресте и зайцем-переростком, прячущим яйца, есть пробел.

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Стэнли, просто крась эти чёртовы яйца!

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Мне не нравится! Я ничего не понял!

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Что с ним не так?!

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Он просто взрослеет, Рэнди. Может, до него дошло, что пасхальный заяц - это выдумка.

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Ты знаешь так мало!

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Я хочу игрушечного солдата Балтора на пасху и пять радиоуправляемых машин, уловил?!

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ТЫ ПОНЯЛ?!

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Эээ, тебе не кажется, чт-

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Нет-нет! Ты не задаёшь мне вопросы! Ты - заяц! Я - человек.

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Так что, если не принесёшь мне на пасху то, что я хочу, я могу тебя убить нах*й!

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Улыбочку!

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Пока, пасхальный заяц!

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О, господи.

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Так, можешь мне объяснить, что происходит?

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А?

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Какой смысл нам красить яйца, а тебе их прятать? Какое отношение это имеет к смерти Иисуса на кресте?

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Это символично? Вы ссылаетесь на события, произошедшие в библейские времена?

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Отвечай!

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Слушай, пацан, я просто... просто мужик в костюме.

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Я знаю! Но я думаю, ты должен знать что-нибудь про пасху, если взялся играть пасхального зайца в супермаркете.

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Хмм, пасха она и есть пасха. Просто иди уже, парень.

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НЕТ, я это так не оставлю! Я выясню, что стоит за всем этим!

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Мне нужен перерыв. Можно мне?

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У нас проблема.

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Кое-кто под нас копает.

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Да, он задаёт много вопросов.

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Он узнает правду о пасхе, это лишь вопрос времени.

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Да, я понимаю, что должно произойти.

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Вызывайте остальных.

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Мам? Пап?

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Есть кто дома?

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Не сейчас, Стэнли, я на толчке!

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Пап! Ты должен мне помочь!

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Погоди, дай посрать.

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Пап! За мной гонятся пасхальные зайцы!

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Что?

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Они преследуют меня от супермаркета! Я не знаю, что им нужно!

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Они вломились в дом! Пап, открой же эту ДВЕРЬ!

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Папа??

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Нам... надо поговорить, Стэн.

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Всё в порядке, ребят.

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Рэнди?

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Да. Потому что этот пацан - мой сын.

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Оооо.

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Скажите великому зайцу, что всё ОК. Дальше я сам.

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Я хотел сохранить это в секрете от тебя, Стэн. Я хотел подождать, пока ты подрастёшь, но...

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ты так и продолжал задавать вопросы!

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Зачем эти остальные зайцы гнались за мной?!

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Нам надо быть осторожными, когда кто-то пытается нас раскрыть. Мы часть тайного общества, Стэн.

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Древнего и очень важного общества людей, следующих по пути кролика и защищающих секрет пасхального зайца.

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Оно называется...

"Заячье общество для мужиков".

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Мама об этом знает?

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Это же "Заячье общество для МУЖИКОВ". Бабам не понять.

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Я не понимаю!

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Я член тайного общества, которому тысячи лет! Наши личности должны быть защищены!

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Ты, ты можешь снять уши, пожалуйста?

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Стэн, ты похоже не понимаешь, насколько это серьёзно.

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Секрет пасхи, который мы храним - это то, что может подорвать основу всего мира!

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Так в чем секрет-то?

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Я не могу тебе сказать. Сначала ты должен быть принят в общество, но...

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но возможно...

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уже пора.

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Я всегда знал, что наступит день, когда мой сын войдёт в общество.

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Напоминает мне день, когда отец привел меня туда.

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Дед тоже там?

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Конечно. Марши состояли в "Заячьем обществе для мужиков" испокон веков.

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Всё возвращается на круги своя.

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Пап, мне обязательно сидеть с мешком на голове всё это время?

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Ты еще не член общества. Поэтому не должен знать, где происходят наши тайные встречи.

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Мы направляемся в одно место... это старое здание рядом с озером в 40 минутах езды отсюда.

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Ты про старую Ложу в Галвестоне?

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Чёрт.

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Привет, Билл.

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Вечер добрый, Маркус.

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Привет, привет! Взгляни-ка на себя.

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Всем здрасьте.

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Стэн Марш, добро пожаловать!

Ты, должно быть, очень взволнован.

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А должен?

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Вот он! Это мой внук!

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Привет, дедуля.

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Я горжусь тобой, Билли.

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...Стэн.

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Сегодня мы решим, достоин ли новый член хранить тайну.

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Внесите...

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зайца.

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Все, поприветствуем великолепного зайца, Снежка!

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Привет, Снежок.

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Стэн Марш, ты готов услышать секрет пасхи?

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Да.

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Ты уверен, сынок?

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Узнав секрет, ты навсегда свяжешь себя с "Заячьим обществом для мужиков".

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Да, я уже хочу узнать.

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Хорошо.

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На Тайной Вечере Иисус Христос встретился с двенадцатью своими учениками. Это там-

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Они нашли нас!

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Защитим Снежка!

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Они повсюду!

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Давай, надо бежать!

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Стэн, держи Снежка и убирайся отсюда!

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И куда мне идти?

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ПРОСТО УБИРАЙСЯ ОТСЮДА!!!

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Где заяц?!

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Куда вы нас забираете??

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Нет! Я никуда не собираюсь!

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Господи Иисусе!

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Кому ты отдал зайца?!

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Прочешите местность!

Пацан не мог уйти далеко!

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О нет...

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Помоги.

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Что стряслось?

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Мой отец принадлежит к культу, поклоняющемся зайцу. Он называется "Заячье общество для мужиков" и охраняет тайну пасхи

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но до того, как они мне сказали, что это за тайна, на них напали ниндзя. И теперь я в ответе за Снежка.

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...Я типа пальцами рисую щас.

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Чувак, они забрали моего отца. И даже застрелили одного мужика из общества. А теперь они ищут меня!

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Ты знаешь что-нибудь о пасхе? Какая связь между Иисусом, зайцами и крашеными яйцами?

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Ты че, я еврей. Понятия не имею.

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Нельсон.

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Нельсон? Нельсон, скажи что-нибудь.

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Мои ноги. Я думаю... они сломаны.

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Нельсон, ты знаешь где мы? Куда они нас притащили?

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Не знаю... нас везли много часов... всё время в темноте...

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Ты...

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Привет, мы бы хотели поговорить с профессором Тибэгом?

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О чём же?

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Об истории пасхи.

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Простите, ребята, поздновато для чтения лекций.

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Пожалуйста? Вы знаете что-нибудь о "Заячьем обществе для мужиков"?

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Хранители?

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Защитники секрета?

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Мой отец там. И этот... заяц тоже с этим связан.

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Заходите.

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"Заячье общество для мужиков" существует много веков. Одним из самых известных его членов был Леонардо Да Винчи.

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Взгляните на Тайную Вечерю.

Обед Христа с его учениками, ночь перед ряспятием.

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Какую еду вы видите на столе?

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Только хлеб...

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Неужели? Посмотрите направо от Иисуса.

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Еда немного другого цвета, чем остальная.

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Вроде смахивает на...

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яйцо.

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Да. Яйцо означает - секрет. Оно лежит прямо напротив святого Петра.

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Кто такой, святой Пётр?

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Он был апостолом, которого Иисус сделал первым папой.

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Точно в желток.

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Но есть кое-что, о чем не говорит церковь.

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На самом деле святой Пётр не был человеком.

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Святой Пётр...

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был зайцем.

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Пётр - заяц.

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Конечно, церковь не позволила Да Винчи изобразить Петра зайцем, поэтому он нарисовал его человеком, но оставил ключ.

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Посмотрите поближе.

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Я не вижу.

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Ещё ближе.

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Да вроде обычный парень.

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Посмотрите ЕЩЁ ближе.

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С помощью лазерной технологии мы можем заглянуть под краску и увидеть то, что Да Винчи нарисовал на самом деле.

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Это... святой Пётр.

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Истинный папа христианства.

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Я не верю.

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Доказательства повсюду. Взгляните на головной убор папы.

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В нём нет никакого смысла, за исключением того, что на самом деле он изготовлен...

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для зайца.

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Но зачем Иисусу был нужен заяц во главе его церкви.

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Иисус знал, что ни один человек не сможет проповедовать для всех одинаково. Человек может быть нетерпимым, а зайцы чисты.

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Но католическая церковь скрыла правду, поставила человека у руля

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и "Заячье общество для мужиков" разукрашивало яйца с тех пор, чтобы сохранить тайну росписи Да Винчи.

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Так значит... ватикан похитил отца Стэна?

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Ты осмелился глумиться над господом, говоря людям, что святой Пётр был зайцем?

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Ты чудовище! У тебя нет права носить этот головной убор!

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Попытки внушить людям, что святой Пётр - заяц, это богохульство!

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Вы должны признать, что были не правы или гореть вам в аду!

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Вот такие тупые высказываения и заставили Иисуса поставить зайца во главу церкви.

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К сожалению, я не смог принести вам зайца, ваше святейшество, но они знают, где он!

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Заяц, которого вы называете Снежком - угроза христианской церкви. Где он?!

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Я не знаю! А если бы и знал...

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то наверное бы уже сказал, потому что мне уже надоело тут торчать.

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В комнату пыток его!

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Комнату пыток, эй, Билл, все эти...

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пытки и ниндзя, всё это как-то не по-христиански.

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Вы просили помощи у американской католической церкви, так дайте нам делать нашу работу.

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Уведите его!

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Нет! Нет, вы ублюдочные зайцененавистники! Не делайте этого!

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Я не въехал. Зачем папе римскому держать моего отца в заложниках из-за Снежка?

00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:57,830

Я верю, что Снежок - прямой потомок святого Петра и, соответственно, наследник папского трона.

00:14:02,980 --> 00:14:04,470

Мистер Тибэг! Бегите!

00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:07,230

Они нашли меня!

00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:08,310

Мальчики, убирайтесь отсюда!

00:14:10,660 --> 00:14:13,080

Направляйтесь в лес. Я попытаюсь задержать их.

00:14:13,860 --> 00:14:14,810

Проверьте наверху!

00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:19,410

Наверху чисто! В кабинет!

00:14:28,060 --> 00:14:28,680

Он тут!

00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:31,110

Что это?

00:14:31,110 --> 00:14:32,110

САХАРНЫЕ ПТИЧКИ!!!

00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:45,250

И что теперь?

00:14:45,940 --> 00:14:47,020

Если мой отец у папы римского...

00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:49,610

Я должен дать ему, что он хочет.

00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,550

Неужели ты просто так отдашь Снежка?

00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:54,390

А у меня есть выбор?! Не осталось никого, кто бы мог нам помочь!

00:14:55,470 --> 00:14:55,920

Погоди...

00:14:57,300 --> 00:14:57,890

если только...

00:14:59,000 --> 00:14:59,800

может и остался.

00:15:01,630 --> 00:15:02,470

А ну-ка подержи.

00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:08,760

Иисус,

00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:11,250

я знаю, мы не говорили уже давно

00:15:12,540 --> 00:15:15,050

и я знаю, что каждое твоё появление заканчивается тем, что мы тебя как-то убиваем, но...

00:15:16,230 --> 00:15:17,180

Я не знаю, что делать.

00:15:18,180 --> 00:15:19,410

И мне бы очень пригодилась твоя помощь.

00:15:30,850 --> 00:15:32,380

По-моему заяц только что нагадил мне на куртку.

00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:39,080

В прямом эфире из Ватикана, наш репортаж о кануне пасхи.

00:15:39,630 --> 00:15:44,380

Заканчивается великая суббота и в Ватикане наступает канун пасхи.

00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:48,830

Тысячи людей приехали, чтобы услышать папу и отпраздновать воскрешение господне.

00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:55,780

В этот канун пасхи папа также показывает свою великую милость тем, что готовит для бедных огромный котёл тушеной зайчатины.

00:15:57,670 --> 00:16:00,530

НЕЕЕТ! Нет! Не бросайте ме-

00:16:01,610 --> 00:16:03,290

Билл, ты перегибаешь палку.

00:16:03,650 --> 00:16:08,610

Ребёнок с зайцем, должен знать, что мы готовы убивать заложников, если он нам его не отдаст.

00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:11,770

Ваше святейшество, прибыло дитя вместе с зайцем.

00:16:12,220 --> 00:16:13,060

Вот видите?

00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:20,310

О, слава богу! Отдай им его, Стэн! Они собираются меня убить! Отдай им зайца!

00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:21,940

Да, отдай!

00:16:22,740 --> 00:16:26,520

Для начала, пообещайте, что не сделаете ему ничего плохого! И что отпустите всех заложников!

00:16:27,010 --> 00:16:28,120

Мы обещаем.

00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:30,240

Мы клянёмся на кресте.

00:16:30,510 --> 00:16:32,150

ПРОСТО ОТДАЙ ИМ ЗАЙЦА, СТЭН!!!

00:16:32,660 --> 00:16:33,490

Так и быть.

00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:40,840

Стэнли, что ты наделал? Я бы с гордостью погиб за этого зайца.

00:16:41,140 --> 00:16:42,260

Ты сказал "отдай им его".

00:16:42,530 --> 00:16:44,770

Нет! Не надо понимать всё так буквально!

00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:46,110

За решётку их!

00:16:46,870 --> 00:16:47,910

Эй, чё за херня!

00:16:48,350 --> 00:16:50,500

Билл, заяц у нас, это всё что нам нужно.

00:16:50,660 --> 00:16:55,230

Не будьте мягким, ваше святейшество! Эти "шлюхи" должны быть публично наказаны!

00:16:55,420 --> 00:16:56,970

Ты поклялся на кресте, жирдяй!

00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:59,280

Да. Но к сожалению для вас...

00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:01,330

их тут было два!

00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:04,310

Этого следовало ожидать!

00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:08,460

Билл, я не уверен, что в традициях христианства - обманывать людей.

00:17:08,740 --> 00:17:10,790

ЭТО ТО, ЧЕГО ХОТЕЛ БЫ ХРИСТОС!

00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:13,300

Кто ТЫ, чтобы так говорить?!

00:17:17,300 --> 00:17:17,700

Этого...

00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:18,730

не может быть.

00:17:19,270 --> 00:17:20,090

Иисус!

00:17:34,630 --> 00:17:37,160

Иисус, мы думали, ты погиб. В Ираке.

00:17:37,830 --> 00:17:43,490

У меня есть возможность воскресать. Или вы забыли? Похоже, что вы забыли многое.

00:17:43,890 --> 00:17:45,360

Иисус, ты услышал мои мольбы!

00:17:45,610 --> 00:17:47,810

Вообще-то я откликнулся на молитвы Ника Донована.

00:17:48,210 --> 00:17:49,870

Опа, это я, КРУТО!

00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:56,290

Вот почему я поставил зайца во главу церкви, Бенедикт! Потому что человека слишком легко ввести в заблуждение.

00:17:56,980 --> 00:18:01,030

Святой Пётр БЫЛ зайцем.

И заяц должен быть папой.

00:18:02,590 --> 00:18:03,240

Убейте его!

00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:04,060

ЧТО?!

00:18:04,330 --> 00:18:06,160

Он идет против церкви. Он должен умереть!

00:18:06,540 --> 00:18:10,450

Так, довольно, Билл. Я вполне уверен, что убивать иисуса - это не по-христиански.

00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:14,080

Ты мягкотелый! Слабый! Ты не оставляешь мне выбора. Уведите их!

00:18:15,210 --> 00:18:15,930

Что вы делаете?!

00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:17,460

Я же папа римский!

00:18:17,700 --> 00:18:20,920

Ты больше не сможешь служить Господу!

00:18:21,290 --> 00:18:23,070

Навечерие пасхи пройдет по плану!

00:18:23,690 --> 00:18:28,430

Все члены "Заячьего общества" увидят, как умрёт их драгоценный спаситель!

00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:30,310

В чём твоя проблема, мужик?!

00:18:30,620 --> 00:18:33,820

Заприте двух этих евреев! Разберёмся с ними позже.

00:18:34,380 --> 00:18:35,620

Нет! Нет!

00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:42,160

Странный поворот событий произошёл в Ватикане: папа Бенедикт был смещён. И началась новая эпоха...

00:18:42,570 --> 00:18:43,840

папы римского Билла Донахью.

00:18:44,410 --> 00:18:50,260

Дети мои! Эту пасху я начну с того, что увеличу содержание мяса в нашем блюде из зайчатины в 10 раз!

00:18:52,070 --> 00:18:54,610

Нет! Послушайте! Мы не зайцы!

00:18:57,760 --> 00:18:59,260

Прости меня, Иисус.

00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:01,060

Так мы точно не успеем выбраться, чтобы его остановить!

00:19:01,370 --> 00:19:02,740

Разве у тебя нет всяких крутых способностей?

00:19:03,540 --> 00:19:05,580

Пока я смертен - нет.

Только после смерти.

00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:08,080

Постой. Точно.

00:19:08,900 --> 00:19:09,950

У нас нет выбора, Кайл.

00:19:10,790 --> 00:19:12,030

Ты должен убить меня.

00:19:13,300 --> 00:19:13,760

Чего??

00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:15,010

Ткни меня этим!

00:19:15,490 --> 00:19:17,860

Если я умру, то смогу воскреснуть снаружи.

00:19:18,810 --> 00:19:20,580

Ни за что! Сделай это сам.

00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,750

Самоубийство - грех. Вариант один, Кайл!

00:19:24,050 --> 00:19:27,840

Чувак, ты не догоняешь, я еврей. У меня есть проблемы с убийством Иисуса.

00:19:27,980 --> 00:19:31,340

Просто сделай это побыстрее. Коли в шею. А я шустренько воскресну.

00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:33,730

Не заставляй меня делать это.

00:19:34,090 --> 00:19:36,020

Сын мой, у нас нет времени! МОЧИ!

00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:38,920

Эрик Кртмэн никогда не сможет об этом узнать.

00:19:39,500 --> 00:19:40,340

Я понял.

00:19:40,990 --> 00:19:41,430

И ещё, Кайл...

00:19:42,300 --> 00:19:42,940

Христос воскресе.

00:19:43,530 --> 00:19:44,490

Воистину воскресе.

00:19:59,930 --> 00:20:00,560

...Иисус?

00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:06,100

Узрите, никогда больше не будет зайцев и крашеных яиц на пасху!

00:20:07,090 --> 00:20:08,400

Убейте зайца!

00:20:10,230 --> 00:20:11,460

Прости, зайка.

00:20:13,350 --> 00:20:14,190

Снежок!

00:20:21,470 --> 00:20:22,330

Иисус?

00:20:22,660 --> 00:20:25,870

Стойте!

Этот заяц - священный посланник.

00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:28,650

Да что ж ты никак не отвалишь?!

00:20:29,060 --> 00:20:31,750

Один человек не может быть голосом церкви!

00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:38,990

Хорош богохульствовать! Теперь я папа римский! И это значит - я голос Бога!!!

00:20:39,410 --> 00:20:42,810

Уже нет.

Я увольняю тебя с этой должности.

00:21:00,090 --> 00:21:01,150

Так его, Иисус!

00:21:17,090 --> 00:21:21,680

Ваше святейшество, что нам сказать всему миру? Как нам стоит жить?

00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:25,750

Он молчит.

00:21:26,210 --> 00:21:29,000

Да, как того и хотел Иисус.

00:21:31,700 --> 00:21:35,390

Стэнли, я так горд за тебя.

Ты много понял в эту пасху.

00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:38,780

Ага. Я понял, что не надо задавать вопросов. Просто красить яйца и держать рот на замке.

00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:39,930

Это мой парень.

00:00:10,553 --> 00:00:12,430

♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:00:12,555 --> 00:00:14,015

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:14,140 --> 00:00:15,599

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:16,892

♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:00:17,018 --> 00:00:19,020

♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

00:00:19,145 --> 00:00:20,771

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:00:20,896 --> 00:00:22,398

♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:23,733

♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

00:00:23,858 --> 00:00:25,526

♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:30,239

♪ Come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:31,741

♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

00:00:35,828 --> 00:00:37,663

♪ In my Easter bonnet ♪

00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:39,790

♪ With all the frills

upon it ♪

00:00:39,915 --> 00:00:41,667

♪ I'll be

the grandest lady ♪

00:00:41,792 --> 00:00:44,587

♪ In the Easter parade ♪

00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:46,297

Look at that one, huh!

00:00:46,422 --> 00:00:47,423

Half purple

and half yellow

00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,175

with a chickadee

sticker.

00:00:49,300 --> 00:00:51,469

I'm good.

00:00:51,594 --> 00:00:53,304

Uh, can I ask

a question?

00:00:53,429 --> 00:00:54,555

Why do we do this?

00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,059

Wha-what do you mean,

"why do we do this"?

00:00:58,184 --> 00:00:59,351

It's Easter.

00:00:59,477 --> 00:01:01,187

Right, so why do we

color eggs?

00:01:04,023 --> 00:01:06,484

Well, so that the Easter Bunny

can hide them!

00:01:06,609 --> 00:01:08,569

Yeah, but why?

00:01:08,694 --> 00:01:10,488

Stanley, Easter celebrates the day

00:01:10,613 --> 00:01:11,781

that Jesus was resurrected

00:01:11,906 --> 00:01:13,616

after being crucified

for our sins.

00:01:15,618 --> 00:01:16,702

So we dip eggs

in colored vinegar

00:01:16,827 --> 00:01:18,120

and a giant rabbit

hides them?

00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:19,747

That's right.

00:01:19,872 --> 00:01:21,749

You don't see the missed

steps in logic with that?

00:01:21,874 --> 00:01:22,958

Look, I'm just saying that

00:01:23,084 --> 00:01:24,668

somewhere between

Jesus dying on the cross

00:01:24,794 --> 00:01:26,087

and a giant bunny

hiding eggs,

00:01:26,212 --> 00:01:27,963

there seems to be

a gap of information!

00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:30,341

Stanley, just dye

your God damn eggs!

00:01:30,466 --> 00:01:31,383

I don't feel like

coloring eggs!

00:01:31,509 --> 00:01:33,385

I don't get it!

00:01:33,511 --> 00:01:35,054

What is wrong with him?

00:01:35,179 --> 00:01:37,348

Well, he's just getting

older, Randy.

00:01:37,473 --> 00:01:38,974

Maybe he's figured out

the Easter Bunny isn't real.

00:01:43,312 --> 00:01:44,688

You know so little.

00:01:50,694 --> 00:01:52,947

And I want a Valtor

Soldier doll for Easter

00:01:53,072 --> 00:01:54,865

and five Crash-and-Go

R.C. cars.

00:01:54,990 --> 00:01:56,742

Do you got that?

Do you have that?!

00:01:56,867 --> 00:01:57,993

Uh, don't you

think that's--

00:01:58,119 --> 00:01:59,870

No, no, you don't

ask me questions.

00:01:59,995 --> 00:02:01,914

You are a rabbit,

I am a human.

00:02:02,039 --> 00:02:03,415

So if you don't bring me

what I want for Easter,

00:02:03,541 --> 00:02:05,501

I can fucking kill you.

00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:07,378

Smile!

00:02:07,503 --> 00:02:09,421

Bye, Easter Bunny!

00:02:09,547 --> 00:02:11,549

Oh, my God.

00:02:11,674 --> 00:02:12,716

All right, can you

please explain to me

00:02:12,842 --> 00:02:14,510

what's going on?

Huh?

00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:15,845

What is the deal with

the coloring the eggs

00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:17,513

and you hiding

them and all that?

00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,807

What does that have to do with

Jesus dying on the cross?

00:02:19,932 --> 00:02:21,559

Is it symbolic?

00:02:21,684 --> 00:02:22,935

Are you trying to reference

something

00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:24,520

that happened

in biblical times?

00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:26,397

Answer me!

00:02:26,522 --> 00:02:28,357

Look, kid, I'm just

a guy in a costume.

00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:29,984

I know that.

00:02:30,109 --> 00:02:31,402

But I figure you

must have some knowledge

00:02:31,527 --> 00:02:33,237

of what Easter is about

00:02:33,362 --> 00:02:34,530

if you're playing

the Easter Bunny at the mall.

00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:35,823

Easter's just Easter.

00:02:35,948 --> 00:02:37,700

Just go

with it, kid.

00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:39,118

No, I'm not gonna

just go with it!

00:02:39,243 --> 00:02:41,912

I'm gonna find out

what's behind all this!

00:02:42,037 --> 00:02:43,747

I need a break--

can I have a break?

00:02:49,962 --> 00:02:51,964

We have a problem.

00:02:52,089 --> 00:02:54,133

Somebody's onto us.

00:02:54,258 --> 00:02:57,094

Yeah, he's asking

a lot of questions.

00:02:57,219 --> 00:02:58,804

Only a matter of time

before he finds out

00:02:58,929 --> 00:03:00,472

what Easter's really about.

00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:04,977

Yes, I understand

what must be done.

00:03:05,102 --> 00:03:06,312

Call the others.

00:03:47,353 --> 00:03:48,562

Mom, Dad?!

00:03:50,522 --> 00:03:51,857

Anybody home?!

00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:54,360

Not now, Stanley,

I'm on the toilet.

00:03:54,485 --> 00:03:56,237

Dad, you gotta help me!

00:03:56,362 --> 00:03:58,447

Hang on,

I'm taking a crap.

00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,366

Dad, there's Easter Bunnies chasing me!

00:04:00,491 --> 00:04:02,326

What? They chased me

from the mall!

00:04:02,451 --> 00:04:03,661

I don't know what

they want!

00:04:03,786 --> 00:04:04,912

They're coming in!

00:04:05,037 --> 00:04:06,497

Dad, open the door!

00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:11,877

Dad?!

00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:14,171

We need to talk, Stan.

00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:17,258

It's okay, guys.

00:04:17,383 --> 00:04:18,634

Randy?

00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,511

Yeah, guess it turns out

00:04:20,636 --> 00:04:22,638

the kid we're after

is my son.

00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,890

Oh!

00:04:25,015 --> 00:04:28,185

Tell the Grand Hare

everything is okay.

00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:29,478

I'll take it from here.

00:04:31,647 --> 00:04:34,149

I wanted to keep

this from you, Stan.

00:04:34,275 --> 00:04:35,734

I really wanted to wait

until you were older,

00:04:35,859 --> 00:04:38,487

but you just had to

keep asking questions!

00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,656

Why were those other

rabbit guys chasing me?

00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:41,907

We have to be careful

00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:43,951

when we think somebody's

on to us.

00:04:44,076 --> 00:04:46,912

We are all part of

a secret society, Stan.

00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:49,873

A very ancient, very important

society of men

00:04:49,999 --> 00:04:51,625

who follow

the way of the rabbit

00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:54,586

and protect the secret

of the Easter Bunny.

00:04:54,712 --> 00:04:56,797

We are called

"The Hare Club for Men."

00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:01,260

Does mom know about this?

00:05:01,385 --> 00:05:02,720

Duh!

00:05:02,845 --> 00:05:03,721

It's "The Hare Club for Men."

00:05:03,846 --> 00:05:05,347

Chicks wouldn't understand.

00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:06,807

I don't understand!

00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:08,434

I belong to a secret society

00:05:08,559 --> 00:05:10,561

that has been around

for thousands of years.

00:05:10,686 --> 00:05:12,980

Our identities have to

be protected.

00:05:13,105 --> 00:05:14,940

Could you take off

the ears, please?

00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:16,191

Stan, you don't

seem to understand

00:05:16,317 --> 00:05:17,318

how serious this is!

00:05:17,443 --> 00:05:19,069

The secret of Easter that we protect

00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:20,612

is something that

could rock the foundation

00:05:20,738 --> 00:05:22,948

of the entire world.

00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:24,533

So what is the secret of Easter?

00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:26,410

I can't tell you.

00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:27,953

You have to be allowed

into the society first.

00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:31,123

But... But perhaps

it's time.

00:05:34,710 --> 00:05:36,587

I always knew

this day would come,

00:05:36,712 --> 00:05:39,423

when my son would be brought

into the society.

00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:41,216

Reminds me of the day

I was brought in by my father.

00:05:41,342 --> 00:05:42,259

Grandpa's in it too?

00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:44,094

Of course.

00:05:44,219 --> 00:05:45,471

Marshes have been in

"The Hare Club for Men"

00:05:45,596 --> 00:05:48,182

for generations, all the way

back to the beginning.

00:05:48,307 --> 00:05:49,725

Dad, do I have to

wear this bag over my head

00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,185

the entire time?

00:05:51,310 --> 00:05:53,228

You aren't a member yet.

00:05:53,354 --> 00:05:55,314

You can't know where our

secret meetings take place.

00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:57,566

We're going to a distant

location,

00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:00,277

an old building near a

lake about 40 minutes away.

00:06:00,402 --> 00:06:01,987

You mean the old

Galvinston Lodge?

00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:08,410

Damn it.

00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:12,498

Hey, Charlie!

00:06:12,623 --> 00:06:14,500

Hey, Bill!

Evenin', Marcus!

00:06:14,625 --> 00:06:15,793

Hey, look at you!

00:06:15,918 --> 00:06:17,211

Hey, everybody.

00:06:20,672 --> 00:06:21,965

Stan Marsh, welcome!

00:06:22,091 --> 00:06:24,051

You must be

very excited.

00:06:24,176 --> 00:06:25,511

Must I?

00:06:25,636 --> 00:06:27,679

There he is!

There's my grandson!

00:06:27,805 --> 00:06:29,139

Hi, Grandpa.

00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:30,682

I'm proud of you,

Billy.

00:06:30,808 --> 00:06:31,975

Stan.

00:06:50,994 --> 00:06:52,913

Attention, members.

00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:55,165

Tonight, we determine

if a new member

00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:57,960

is worthy of

protecting the secret.

00:06:58,085 --> 00:07:01,171

Bring out... The rabbit.

00:07:01,296 --> 00:07:04,550

♪ Sanctum Peter cotium ♪

00:07:04,675 --> 00:07:07,886

♪ De-us en ri hunne-am ♪

00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:12,975

♪ Hippitus hoppitus

reus domine ♪

00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,978

♪ In suus

via tor-rei um ♪

00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:19,440

♪ Lepis en ei sa-anc-tum ♪

00:07:19,565 --> 00:07:23,694

♪ Hippitus hoppitus

deus domine ♪

00:07:30,701 --> 00:07:33,412

All hail the cute rabbit,

snowball.

00:07:33,537 --> 00:07:35,581

Hail, Snowball. Hail,

Snowball. Hail, Snowball.

00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:40,085

Stan Marsh, are you ready to

hear the secret of Easter?

00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:41,462

Yeah.

00:07:41,587 --> 00:07:43,088

Are you sure, Son?

00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:44,423

Once you hear the secret,

you will be bound to

00:07:44,548 --> 00:07:45,966

"The Hare Club for Men" forever.

00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:47,593

Yeah, I wanna

know already.

00:07:47,718 --> 00:07:49,511

Very well.

00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:52,723

At the last supper, Jesus Christ

met with his 12 disciples.

00:07:52,848 --> 00:07:54,057

It was there that--

00:07:56,852 --> 00:07:58,270

They found us!

00:07:58,395 --> 00:07:59,396

Protect Snowball!

00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:01,064

Ahh!

00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:08,113

They're everywhere!

00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:17,331

Ow-- my arm!

00:08:17,456 --> 00:08:18,665

Come on,

we gotta go!

00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:21,960

Agh!

00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:24,004

Stan, take Snowball

and get out of here!

00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:25,088

Where am I

supposed to go?

00:08:25,214 --> 00:08:26,882

Just get outta here!

00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:30,052

Huh!

00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:31,845

Ooh!

00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:33,722

Where is the rabbit?

00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:45,067

Where are you taking us?

00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:47,319

No, I'm not

going anywhere!

00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:48,195

Agh!

00:08:49,905 --> 00:08:51,240

Jesus Christ!

00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:54,201

Who did you

give the rabbit to?

00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:57,538

Oof!

00:08:57,663 --> 00:08:58,789

Search the area!

00:08:58,914 --> 00:09:00,666

The boy could not

have gotten far!

00:09:00,791 --> 00:09:02,167

Oh, no!

00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:17,307

Help.

00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:18,809

What happened?

00:09:18,934 --> 00:09:20,435

My dad's in a

rabbit-worshiping cult called

00:09:20,561 --> 00:09:21,645

"The Hare Club for Men."

00:09:21,770 --> 00:09:22,813

They protect

the secret of Easter.

00:09:22,938 --> 00:09:23,730

But before they said

what it was,

00:09:23,855 --> 00:09:25,023

they were

attacked by ninjas

00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:25,941

and put me in charge

of Snowball.

00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:30,779

I'm kind of

finger-painting right now.

00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,364

Dude, they took

my dad away!

00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:33,991

They even shot

one of his fellow hares.

00:09:34,116 --> 00:09:35,450

And now they're

after me!

00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:36,785

Do you know

anything about Easter?

00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:37,953

What is the connection

between Jesus

00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:40,038

and rabbits

and colored eggs?

00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:43,542

Dude, I'm Jewish, I have no idea.

00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:52,050

Nelson!

00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,679

Nelson, Nelson,

say something.

00:09:55,804 --> 00:09:57,347

My legs...

00:09:57,472 --> 00:09:59,308

I think they're broken.

00:09:59,433 --> 00:10:00,767

Nelson, do you know

where we are?

00:10:00,892 --> 00:10:02,102

Where did they take us?

00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:03,687

Don't know.

00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:05,522

We traveled

for hours.

00:10:05,647 --> 00:10:07,065

Kept blacking out.

00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:14,406

You.

00:10:18,452 --> 00:10:21,580

Hi, we'd like to speak to

a Professor Teabag.

00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:24,333

What is it

in regard to?

00:10:24,458 --> 00:10:26,251

The history of Easter.

00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:27,961

Sorry, boys,

it's a little late

00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:30,797

for me to be giving

lectures.

00:10:30,922 --> 00:10:32,090

Please, do you

know anything about

00:10:32,215 --> 00:10:33,425

"The Hare Club for Men"?

00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:38,180

The keepers?

00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:40,182

The guardians

of the secret?

00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:41,516

My dad is in it.

00:10:41,642 --> 00:10:43,185

This rabbit is

too somehow.

00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:44,269

Come on in.

00:10:46,855 --> 00:10:49,816

"The Hare Club for Men"

has been around for centuries.

00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:54,529

One of its most famous members

was Leonardo Da Vinci.

00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:58,283

Behold

"The Last Supper,"

00:10:58,408 --> 00:11:00,077

the dinner Christ had

with his disciples

00:11:00,202 --> 00:11:03,080

the night before

he was crucified.

00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:05,540

What food do you see

on the table?

00:11:05,666 --> 00:11:06,667

Just bread.

00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:08,251

Really?

00:11:08,377 --> 00:11:10,003

Look to Jesus' right,

00:11:10,128 --> 00:11:11,129

the food which is

a little different color

00:11:11,254 --> 00:11:13,799

than the others.

00:11:13,924 --> 00:11:16,968

It kind of looks

like an egg.

00:11:17,094 --> 00:11:19,721

Yes, the egg

marks the secret.

00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:23,058

It lies directly in front

of St. Peter.

00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,726

Who was St. Peter?

00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:26,978

He was the disciple that Jesus

made into the first pope.

00:11:27,104 --> 00:11:29,106

Eggs-actly.

00:11:29,231 --> 00:11:31,858

But there's something

the church didn't tell you.

00:11:31,983 --> 00:11:34,903

In actuality, Peter wasn't

a man at all.

00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:39,491

St. Peter...

Was a rabbit.

00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:41,702

Peter Rabbit.

00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:43,370

Of course, the church

wouldn't allow Da Vinci

00:11:43,495 --> 00:11:46,081

to paint Peter as a rabbit,

so he painted him as a man,

00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:47,457

but left clues.

00:11:47,582 --> 00:11:49,292

Look closely.

00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:50,544

I don't see it.

00:11:50,669 --> 00:11:52,045

Look closlier.

00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:54,673

He looks like a guy.

00:11:54,798 --> 00:11:56,591

Look more closlier.

00:12:00,512 --> 00:12:02,723

With laser technology we can

look beneath the paint,

00:12:02,848 --> 00:12:04,558

at the way Da Vinci

originally painted it.

00:12:08,311 --> 00:12:11,148

That is St. Peter.

00:12:11,273 --> 00:12:13,775

The original

pope of Christianity.

00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,152

I don't believe it.

00:12:15,277 --> 00:12:16,486

The proof is everywhere.

00:12:16,611 --> 00:12:18,697

Look at the pope's

hat-- it makes no sense.

00:12:18,822 --> 00:12:22,242

Except that it was originally

designed for a rabbit.

00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:25,162

But why would Jesus want a

rabbit to run his church?

00:12:25,287 --> 00:12:27,122

Because Jesus

knew no one man

00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:29,499

could speak for everyone

in a religion.

00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:31,084

Men can be

intolerant.

00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:32,753

Rabbits are pure.

00:12:32,878 --> 00:12:34,296

But the Catholic Church

buried the truth,

00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:36,089

put a man in charge,

00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:38,508

and "The Hare Club for Men

have been decorating eggs

00:12:38,633 --> 00:12:41,011

ever since to keep the secret

in Da Vinci's painting alive.

00:12:42,053 --> 00:12:44,556

So the Vatican

took Stan's dad?

00:12:53,356 --> 00:12:55,484

You dare to mock God

by telling people

00:12:55,609 --> 00:12:57,152

St. Peter was a rabbit?

00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:58,737

You monster!

00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:00,572

You have no right

to wear that hat!

00:13:00,697 --> 00:13:03,492

Trying to tell people

that St. Peter was a rabbit

00:13:03,617 --> 00:13:05,243

is blasphemy!

00:13:05,368 --> 00:13:08,413

You must admit you are

wrong or burn in hell.

00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:10,165

It's saying stupid

things like that

00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,959

that made Jesus want to

put a rabbit in charge.

00:13:13,084 --> 00:13:15,045

I'm sorry I couldn't bring you

the rabbit, Your Holiness,

00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:16,546

but they know where it is.

00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:18,215

The rabbit you

call Snowball

00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:19,758

is a threat

to Christ's church.

00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:21,384

Where is the rabbit?

00:13:21,510 --> 00:13:23,178

I don't know.

00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,222

And even if

I did know--

00:13:25,347 --> 00:13:26,473

Well, I'd probably tell you

00:13:26,598 --> 00:13:28,016

because I don't want to

be here anymore.

00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,601

Take him to be

tortured.

00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:30,811

Tortured?

00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:34,189

But, Bill, all this

torturing and ninjas--

00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,358

it just doesn't seem

very Christian.

00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:38,610

You asked for the help of

the American Catholic League.

00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:40,153

Let us do our job.

00:13:40,278 --> 00:13:41,530

Take him!

00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:44,032

No, no, you

bunny-hating bastards!

00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:45,242

Don't do this!

00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:48,745

I don't get it.

00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:51,832

Why would the pope be holding

my dad hostage for Snowball?

00:13:51,957 --> 00:13:53,416

I believe

Snowball must be

00:13:53,542 --> 00:13:55,710

a direct descendant of

St. Peter himself,

00:13:55,836 --> 00:13:57,587

and therefore the true

heir of the pope's throne.

00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:04,511

Mr. Teabag, get out!

00:14:04,636 --> 00:14:05,679

Agh!

00:14:05,804 --> 00:14:07,305

They found me!

00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:08,223

Boys, get out

of here!

00:14:10,141 --> 00:14:11,434

Head to the woods.

00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:13,562

I'll try to

buy you some time.

00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:14,855

check upstairs!

00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:18,650

Kitchen's clear!

00:14:18,775 --> 00:14:20,026

Try the office!

00:14:27,868 --> 00:14:28,994

In here!

00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:31,496

What's that?

00:14:36,126 --> 00:14:37,419

Peeps!

00:14:44,301 --> 00:14:46,094

So what now?

00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:47,846

If the pope has my dad,

00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:50,056

I have to give him

what he wants.

00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:51,850

You aren't just gonna

hand Snowball over?

00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:53,226

What choice do I have?

00:14:53,351 --> 00:14:55,562

There's nobody left

who can help us!

00:14:55,687 --> 00:14:57,147

Wait.

00:14:57,272 --> 00:15:00,901

Unless maybe there is.

00:15:01,026 --> 00:15:02,527

Here, hold this.

00:15:08,325 --> 00:15:12,454

Jesus, I know we haven't

talked in a long time,

00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:13,413

and I know that

every time you appear

00:15:13,538 --> 00:15:15,457

we end up killing

you somehow,

00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:18,460

but... I don't

know what to do

00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,962

and I could really

use your help.

00:15:30,639 --> 00:15:32,223

I think the rabbit

just crapped on my jacket.

00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:36,311

Live from the Vatican,

00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:39,356

it's our Easter vigil coverage.

00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:41,691

As Holy Saturday

comes to an end,

00:15:41,816 --> 00:15:44,611

the Easter vigil

at the Vatican begins.

00:15:44,736 --> 00:15:46,529

Thousands have turned out

to hear the pope

00:15:46,655 --> 00:15:48,990

and celebrate

the resurrection.

00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:50,325

For this Easter vigil,

00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,452

the pope is also showing

his divine grace

00:15:52,577 --> 00:15:55,330

by feeding the poor,

with a massive rabbit stew.

00:15:57,374 --> 00:15:59,167

No, no!

00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:01,252

No, don't put-- agh!

00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:03,213

Bill, this seems extreme.

00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:04,798

The child who has

the rabbit

00:16:04,923 --> 00:16:06,841

has to know that we are

willing to kill the hostages

00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:08,802

if he doesn't hand it over.

00:16:08,927 --> 00:16:11,513

Your Holiness, a child has

arrived with the rabbit!

00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:12,973

You see?

00:16:16,059 --> 00:16:17,394

Oh, thank God!

00:16:17,519 --> 00:16:19,187

Hand it over, Stan,

they're gonna kill me!

00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:20,480

Give 'em the rabbit!

00:16:20,605 --> 00:16:22,732

Yes, hand it over.

00:16:22,857 --> 00:16:24,734

First, you have to promise

you won't hurt it

00:16:24,859 --> 00:16:26,569

and that you'll

let everybody go.

00:16:26,695 --> 00:16:28,154

We promise.

00:16:28,279 --> 00:16:30,323

We swear it

on the cross.

00:16:30,448 --> 00:16:31,992

Just hand over

the bunny, Stan!

00:16:32,117 --> 00:16:34,411

Okay, fine.

00:16:37,455 --> 00:16:38,873

Stanley, why did you do that?

00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:40,917

I would have proudly

died for that rabbit.

00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:42,502

You said hand over

the bunny!

00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:44,879

No, that's is not the way

we're remembering it!

00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:46,006

Take them into custody!

00:16:46,131 --> 00:16:47,757

Hey, what the hell?

00:16:47,882 --> 00:16:50,010

Bill, we have the rabbit,

it's all we need.

00:16:50,135 --> 00:16:51,803

Don't be soft,

Your Holiness!

00:16:51,928 --> 00:16:54,889

These whores must be punished

in front of everyone!

00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:56,558

You swore on

the cross, fatso!

00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:57,851

Yeah.

00:16:57,976 --> 00:17:01,187

Too bad for you

it was a double-cross!

00:17:02,772 --> 00:17:04,357

Aw, we should have

seen that coming.

00:17:04,482 --> 00:17:06,484

Bill, I'm not sure that

double-crossing people

00:17:06,609 --> 00:17:08,236

is very Christian.

00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,822

It is what Christ

would have wanted!

00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:12,657

Who are you to say that?

00:17:16,953 --> 00:17:18,872

It can't be.

00:17:18,997 --> 00:17:20,540

Jesus!

Jesus!

00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:23,543

♪ He is risen ♪

00:17:23,668 --> 00:17:26,004

♪ He is risen ♪

00:17:26,129 --> 00:17:29,174

♪ Let the voices

sing his praises ♪

00:17:29,299 --> 00:17:31,426

♪ On this holy day ♪

00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:34,054

♪ He is risen ♪

00:17:34,179 --> 00:17:36,931

Jesus, we thought you

died in Iraq.

00:17:37,057 --> 00:17:39,059

I have the power

of resurrection.

00:17:39,184 --> 00:17:40,852

Or have you forgotten?

00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:43,271

You all seem to have

forgotten a lot of things.

00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:45,231

Jesus, you did

answer my prayer.

00:17:45,356 --> 00:17:47,650

Actually, I was answering

the prayer of Nick Donovan.

00:17:47,776 --> 00:17:49,778

Oh, that's me-- neat-o.

00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:51,988

This is exactly why

I put a rabbit in charge

00:17:52,113 --> 00:17:53,990

of the church, Benedictus.

00:17:54,115 --> 00:17:56,493

Because men are

so easily led astray.

00:17:56,618 --> 00:17:58,995

St. Peter was a rabbit.

00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:00,663

And a rabbit

should be pope.

00:18:02,373 --> 00:18:04,084

Kill him.

What?!

00:18:04,209 --> 00:18:06,086

He goes against the church.

He must die.

00:18:06,211 --> 00:18:07,378

All right,

that does it, Bill.

00:18:07,504 --> 00:18:08,546

I'm pretty sure that

killing Jesus

00:18:08,671 --> 00:18:10,215

is not very Christian.

00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:11,800

You are soft, weak.

00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:13,051

You leave me

no choice.

00:18:13,176 --> 00:18:14,594

Take them!

00:18:14,719 --> 00:18:15,637

What are you doing?!

00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:17,555

I am the pope!

00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,015

You are no longer able

00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:20,975

to fulfill your

duties to the Lord.

00:18:21,101 --> 00:18:23,311

The Easter Vigil will

go on as planned!

00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,563

Every "Hare Club" member,

young and old,

00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:27,941

will watch as their

precious savior dies.

00:18:28,066 --> 00:18:29,984

What is your

problem, guy?

00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:32,070

Lock up those two Jews.

00:18:32,195 --> 00:18:33,655

We'll deal with

them later.

00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,657

No, no!

00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:38,118

A strange turn of events

here at the Vatican.

00:18:38,243 --> 00:18:40,537

Pope Benedictus

has stepped down,

00:18:40,662 --> 00:18:43,790

ushering the new era of

Pope Bill Donahue.

00:18:43,915 --> 00:18:46,417

My people,

this Easter I am gonna start

00:18:46,543 --> 00:18:49,838

by making our rabbit stew

10 times meatier!

00:18:51,965 --> 00:18:54,342

No, listen,

we aren't rabbits!

00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:55,051

Oof!

00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:59,264

Forgive me, Jesus.

00:18:59,389 --> 00:19:01,141

We'll never get out

in time to stop him!

00:19:01,266 --> 00:19:02,892

Don't you have

any super powers?

00:19:03,017 --> 00:19:06,271

Not as a mortal,

only in death.

00:19:06,396 --> 00:19:08,106

Wait-- that's it.

00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:10,233

We have no choice, Kyle.

00:19:10,358 --> 00:19:12,402

You are going to

have to kill me.

00:19:12,527 --> 00:19:13,611

What?!

00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:15,029

Stab me with this.

00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:17,866

If I die, I can resurrect

outside the bars.

00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:20,410

No way!

Do it yourself!

00:19:20,535 --> 00:19:22,078

Suicide is blasphemy.

00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:23,705

There's no

choice here, Kyle.

00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,790

Dude, you don't understand, I'm a Jew.

00:19:25,915 --> 00:19:27,625

I have a few hang-ups

about killing Jesus.

00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:29,669

Just make it quick,

through the neck.

00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:32,422

I'll arise

again immediately.

00:19:32,547 --> 00:19:33,715

Don't make me do this.

00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:34,841

My son,

there is no time.

00:19:34,966 --> 00:19:36,718

Do it!

00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:38,469

Eric Cartman can never

know about this.

00:19:38,595 --> 00:19:40,555

I understand.

00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:43,057

And, Kyle,

Happy Easter.

00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:45,143

Happy Easter, Jesus.

00:19:45,268 --> 00:19:48,521

Agh, agh-agh!

00:19:59,574 --> 00:20:01,034

Jesus?

00:20:01,159 --> 00:20:03,661

Behold, no longer

will Easter

00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:06,372

be about bunnies

and colored eggs!

00:20:06,497 --> 00:20:08,249

Kill the rabbit!

00:20:09,918 --> 00:20:12,837

Sorry, little bunny.

00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:14,047

Snowball!

00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:18,843

Ooh!

Ooh!

Ooh!

00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:22,222

Jesus?

00:20:22,347 --> 00:20:23,264

Stop!

00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:25,808

That rabbit is

of holy decent!

00:20:25,934 --> 00:20:28,353

Why won't you go away?!

00:20:28,478 --> 00:20:31,981

One man cannot be

the voice of the church.

00:20:32,106 --> 00:20:33,733

Enough of this

blasphemy!

00:20:33,858 --> 00:20:35,526

I am the pope now!

00:20:35,652 --> 00:20:38,780

That means I am

the voice of God!

00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:40,198

Not anymore.

00:20:40,323 --> 00:20:42,200

I'm removing you

from your position.

00:20:47,705 --> 00:20:49,290

Eehh!

00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:51,000

Agh!

00:20:59,509 --> 00:21:01,094

All right, Jesus!

00:21:05,306 --> 00:21:07,934

♪ Sanctum Peter cotium ♪

00:21:08,059 --> 00:21:11,396

♪ De-us en ri hunne-am ♪

00:21:11,521 --> 00:21:15,233

♪ Hippitus hoppitus

reus domine ♪

00:21:16,859 --> 00:21:19,529

Your Holiness, what should

we tell the world

00:21:19,654 --> 00:21:21,823

about how to

run their lives?

00:21:24,158 --> 00:21:25,952

It isn't saying anything.

00:21:26,077 --> 00:21:28,496

Yes, just as

Jesus intended it.

00:21:31,416 --> 00:21:33,251

Stanley, I'm so proud of you.

00:21:33,376 --> 00:21:35,295

You have learned so very

much this Easter.

00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:37,171

Yeah, I've learned not

to ask questions.

00:21:37,297 --> 00:21:38,548

Just dye the eggs

and keep my mouth shut.

00:21:38,673 --> 00:21:39,841

That's my boy.

00:21:39,966 --> 00:21:44,679

♪ Hippitus hoppitus

deus domine ♪

00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:03,700

Все персонажи и события в этом шоу, даже те, которые основаны

на реальных людях, являются полностью вымышленными.

00:00:03,700 --> 00:00:05,000

Все известные голоса исполнены .. неудачно.

00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:08,000

Следующая программа содержит нецензурные выражения или оскорбления и вследствие чего эта передача не должна просматриваться кем-либо.

00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:09,000

Перевод Виктор Д.

Эту богохульную серию смотреть тошно!

00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:12,500

♪ Я ухожу в Южный Парк, буду проводить своё время,

00:00:12,500 --> 00:00:16,059

♪ Дружелюбные лица везде, скромные люди без соблазна,

00:00:16,059 --> 00:00:19,250

♪ Я иду в Южный Парк, собираюсь оставить мои беды позади

00:00:19,250 --> 00:00:22,722

♪ Просторная парковка днём или ночью,

люди, восклицающие: "Привет, сосед",

00:00:22,722 --> 00:00:25,837

♪ Я отправляюсь в Южный Парк, посмотрю, смогу ли я расслабиться

00:00:25,837 --> 00:00:29,352

♪ Мне нравятся девки с большими жирными сиськами,

мне нравятся девки с большими жирными сиськами,

00:00:29,352 --> 00:00:33,000

♪ Так приходи в Южный Парк и встреть некоторых моих друзей.

00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:35,810

Чудесная пасхальная история

1105

00:00:35,815 --> 00:00:45,051

♪ В моей Пасхальной шапочке, со всеми оборками на ней,

♪ Я буду самой грандиозной дамой на Пасхальном параде.

00:00:45,071 --> 00:00:51,484

Посмотрите на вот это, а? Половина фиолетовая и

половина жёлтая с наклейкой синички(?). Я хорош.

00:00:51,504 --> 00:00:59,276

- Э-э, могу я задать вопрос? Зачем мы делаем это?

- Что.. что ты имеешь в виду, "Зачем мы делаем это?" Это Пасха!

00:00:59,296 --> 00:01:06,933

- Верно, и, зачем мы именно красим яйца?

- Ну, таким образом Пасхальный кролик может спрятать их.

00:01:06,953 --> 00:01:15,424

- Да, но зачем? /- Стэнли, Пасха прославляет тот день,

когда Иисус воскрес после того, как был распят за наши грехи.

00:01:15,444 --> 00:01:19,327

- Поэтому мы окунаем яйца в цветной уксус и гигантский кролик

прячет их? /- Это верно.

00:01:19,347 --> 00:01:26,100

Вы не видите ошибки в логике с этим? Ну, я просто говорю, что

где-то между Иисусом, умирающем на кресте и гигантским кроликом,

00:01:26,100 --> 00:01:30,361

прячущим яйца, кажется есть пропуск информации.

- Стэнли, просто крась чёртовы яйца!

00:01:30,381 --> 00:01:35,163

- Я не хочу красить яйца! Я не понимаю этого!

- Что не так с ним?

00:01:35,183 --> 00:01:43,750

Ну, он просто растёт, Рэнди.

Может быть, он понял, пасхальный заяц не существует.

00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:50,594

Ты знаешь так мало!

00:01:50,614 --> 00:01:56,796

И я хочу куклу солдата Балтора на Пасху, и пять Crash'n'Go

радиоуправляемых машинок, ты понял? У тебя есть такие?!

00:01:56,816 --> 00:01:59,975

- А, ты не думаешь, что..

- Нет, нет! Ты не задавай мне вопросы.

00:01:59,995 --> 00:02:05,582

Ты кролик! Я человек. Так что если ты не принесёшь мне то,

что я хочу на Пасху, я могу убить тебя!

00:02:05,602 --> 00:02:11,701

- Улыбайтесь!

- Пока, Пасхальный кролик!

- О, мой Бог.

00:02:11,721 --> 00:02:14,528

- Так, не мог бы ты, пожалуйста, объяснить мне, что происходит?

- А?

00:02:14,534 --> 00:02:20,392

Какая связь с окраской яиц и твоим прятанием их и

всем этим? Как это связано со смертью Иисуса на кресте?

00:02:20,412 --> 00:02:26,293

Это символично? Ты пытаешься ссылаться на что-то,

что произошло в библейские времена? Ответь мне!

00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:30,158

- Смотри, малыш х, я пр.. я просто парень в костюме.

- Я знаю, это!

00:02:30,178 --> 00:02:34,912

Но я полагаю, ты должен иметь некоторые знания о том, к чему

Пасха, если ты играешь Пасхального зайца в торговом центре!

00:02:34,932 --> 00:02:39,020

- Пасха это просто Пасха. Просто, просто прими как есть, малыш.

- Нет, я не собираюсь просто принимать как есть!

00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:49,854

Я собираюсь выяснить, что стоит за всем этим!

- Мне нужен перерыв. Могу я сделать перерыв?

00:02:49,874 --> 00:03:01,747

У нас есть проблема. Кто-то знает о нас. Да, он задаёт много вопросов.

Только вопрос времени, когда он выяснит, что такое Пасха на самом деле.

00:03:01,767 --> 00:03:14,767

Да, я понимаю, что должно быть сделано. Позвони другим.

00:03:46,313 --> 00:03:54,615

- Мама? Папа? Есть кто дома?

- Не сейчас, Стэнли, я в туалете.

00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:58,401

- Папа! Ты должен помочь мне!

- Подожди, я сру.

00:03:58,421 --> 00:04:01,094

- Папа! Тут Пасхальные кролики гонятся за мной!

- Что?

00:04:01,095 --> 00:04:12,018

Они преследовали меня от торгового центра! Я не знаю,

чего они хотят! Они входят! Папа, открой дверь! Папа?

00:04:12,038 --> 00:04:19,100

- Мы.. нужно поговорить, Стэн. В.. всё в порядке, ребята.

- Рэнди?

00:04:19,100 --> 00:04:25,374

- Да. Тут вышло, что тот парень, которого мы преследовали мой сын.

- Ооо.

00:04:25,394 --> 00:04:33,963

Скажите Гранд Кролику, что всё в порядке. Я заберу его отсюда.

Я хотел утаить это от тебя, Стэн.

00:04:33,983 --> 00:04:38,493

Я на самом деле хотел дождаться, пока ты станешь старше, но..

Ты просто продолжал задавать вопросы!

00:04:38,513 --> 00:04:43,734

- Почему эти другие парни-кролики гонятся за мной?

- Мы должны быть осторожны, когда мы думаем, что кто-то знает о нас.

00:04:43,754 --> 00:04:49,688

Мы все часть тайного общества, Стэн.

Очень древняя, очень важная организация мужчин,

00:04:49,708 --> 00:05:00,402

которые идут по пути Кролика, и защищают тайну пасхального

кролика. Мы называемся.. Кроличий клуб для мужчин.

00:05:00,422 --> 00:05:05,273

- Знает ли мама о этом?

- О!, это Кроличий клуб для мужчин. Цыпочкам (детишкам) не понять.

00:05:05,293 --> 00:05:10,683

- Я не понимаю!

- Я принадлежу к тайному обществу, которое просуществовало тысячи лет!

00:05:10,703 --> 00:05:14,933

Наши личности должны быть защищены!

- Можешь, не мог бы ты, снять эти уши, пожалуйста?

00:05:14,953 --> 00:05:19,085

Стэн, ты, кажется, не понимаешь, как это серьёзно!

Секрет Пасхи, который мы защищаем

00:05:19,105 --> 00:05:24,955

это то, что может покачнуть фундамент всего мира!

- Так в чём же секрет Пасхи?

00:05:24,975 --> 00:05:35,202

Я не могу сказать тебе. Ты должен быть принят

в это общество сначала, но.. но, возможно,.. пора.

00:05:35,222 --> 00:05:41,766

Я всегда знал, что этот день придёт, когда мой сын будет принят в

это общество. Напоминает мне о дне, когда я был принят моим отцом.

00:05:41,786 --> 00:05:44,206

- Дедушка в нём тоже?

- Конечно.

00:05:44,226 --> 00:05:48,801

Марши были в Кроличьем клубе для мужчин несколько

поколений. Всё время с основания.

00:05:48,821 --> 00:05:53,650

- Папа, должен ли я носить этот пакет на моей голове всё время?

- Ты не член пока. Ты не можешь знать,

00:05:53,650 --> 00:06:00,702

где наши тайные встречи происходят. Мы едем в отдалённую

местность, старое здание рядом с озером около 40 минут отсюда.

00:06:00,722 --> 00:06:13,182

- Ты имеешь в виду старую сторожку Галвестон?

- Чёрт.

00:06:13,202 --> 00:06:15,157

- Привет Билл.

- Добрый вечер Маркус.

00:06:15,177 --> 00:06:20,765

- Хе-хе эй, посмотри на себя!

- Привет всем.

00:06:20,785 --> 00:06:25,651

- Стэн Марш, добро пожаловать! Ты, наверно, очень возбуждён.

- Должен ли я?

00:06:25,671 --> 00:06:29,700

- Вот и он! Это мой внук!

- Привет, дедушка.

00:06:29,700 --> 00:06:42,077

- Я горжусь тобой, Билли.

- Стэн.

00:06:49,949 --> 00:07:01,453

Внимание, члены! Сегодня мы определим достоин ли

новый член охранять Тайну. Вынесите.. кролика.

00:07:01,473 --> 00:07:13,209

♪ Sanctum Piter oteum, Deus ore uneum.

♪ Hippitus hoppitus reus homine.

00:07:13,229 --> 00:07:30,627

♪ In suspiratoreum, lepus in re sanctum.

♪ Hippitus hoppitus Deus Domine.

00:07:30,647 --> 00:07:35,473

- Все приветствуйте милого кролика, Снежка!

- Привет, Снежок.

00:07:35,493 --> 00:07:41,000

- Стэн Марш, готов ли ты услышать секрет Пасхи?

- Да.

00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:46,188

Ты уверен, сынок? Как только ты услышишь это секрет,

ты будешь связан с Кроличьим клубом для мужчин навсегда.

00:07:46,208 --> 00:07:49,394

- Да, я хочу знать уже.

- Очень хорошо.

00:07:49,414 --> 00:07:57,578

На Тайной Вечере Иисус Христос встретился

со своими 12 учениками. Именно там..

00:07:57,598 --> 00:08:07,176

- Они нашли нас!

- Защитим Снежка!

00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:24,250

- Они повсюду!

- Давай, мы должны идти! Стэн, бери Снежка и выбирайся отсюда!

00:08:24,263 --> 00:08:32,707

- Куда я должен идти?

- Просто убирайся отсюда!

00:08:32,727 --> 00:08:42,986

Где кролик?

00:08:43,006 --> 00:08:50,533

- Куда вы ведёте нас?

- Нет! Я не пойду никуда!

00:08:50,553 --> 00:08:57,743

- Иисус Христос!

- Кому ты отдал кролика?

00:08:57,763 --> 00:09:12,399

- Обыскать этот участок! Мальчик не мог забраться далеко!

- О нет..

00:09:15,510 --> 00:09:19,629

- Помоги.

- Что случилось?

00:09:19,649 --> 00:09:23,400

Мой папа в кролико-поклонническом культе, называемом

Кроличий Мужской клуб, они защищают тайну Пасхи,

00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:28,730

но прежде, чем они сказали, что это было,

на них напали ниндзя и назначили меня отвечать за Снежка.

00:09:28,750 --> 00:09:33,000

- Я вроде рисую пальцами прямо сейчас.

- Чувак, они забрали моего папу.

00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,978

Они даже пристрелили одного из товарищей кроликов.

И теперь они охотятся за мной!

00:09:35,979 --> 00:09:41,127

Знаешь ли ты что-нибудь о Пасхе?

Какова связь между Иисусом и кроликами и крашеными яйцами?

00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:51,194

Чувак, я еврей. Я понятия не имею.

00:09:51,214 --> 00:09:59,634

- Нельсон. Нельсон? Нельсон, скажи что-нибудь.

- Мои ноги. Я.. я думаю, они сломаны.

00:09:59,654 --> 00:10:12,884

- Нельсон, ты знаешь, где мы находимся? Куда они забрали нас?

- Не знаю. Мы ехали часы.. продолжал терять сознание..

00:10:12,904 --> 00:10:18,694

Ты..

00:10:18,714 --> 00:10:25,000

- Привет, мы хотели бы поговорить с профессором Тибагом?

- Это касается чего?

00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:31,113

- Истории Пасхи.

- Простите мальчики, немного поздно, чтобы я давал лекции.

00:10:31,133 --> 00:10:40,671

- Пожалуйста? Знаете ли вы что-нибудь о Кроличьем Мужском клубе?

- Хранители? Стражи секрета?

00:10:40,691 --> 00:10:47,279

- Мой папа в нём. Этот.. кролик тоже как-то.

- Входите.

00:10:47,299 --> 00:10:56,870

Кроличий клуб для мужчин существует уже в течение столетий.

Один из его самых известных членов был Леонардо да Винчи.

00:10:56,890 --> 00:11:03,350

Вот Тайная вечеря. Ужин, который Христос провёл

со своими учениками в ночь перед тем, как он был распят.

00:11:03,370 --> 00:11:07,840

Какую пищу вы видите на столе?

- Просто хлеб..

00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:14,481

В самом деле? Посмотрите направо от Иисуса.

Та еда, которая немного другого цвета, чем другая.

00:11:14,501 --> 00:11:23,505

- Это отчасти похоже на.. яйцо.

- Да. Яйцо означает секрет. Оно лежит прямо пред.. Святым Петром.

00:11:23,525 --> 00:11:27,561

- Кто такой Святой Пётр?

- Он был учеником, которого Иисус сделал в первым папой.

00:11:27,581 --> 00:11:35,669

Ебстевственно. Но есть кое-что, что Церковь не говорит вам.

В действительности, Пётр не был человеком вообще.

00:11:35,689 --> 00:11:41,663

Святой Пётр.. был кроликом.

- Пётр Кролик.

00:11:41,683 --> 00:11:47,800

Конечно, Церковь не позволила да Винчи рисовать Петра как кролика,

так он нарисовал его как человека, но оставил подсказки.

00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:50,700

Посмотрите внимательно.

- Я не вижу его.

00:11:50,700 --> 00:11:55,000

- Посмотрите внимательнее.

- Он похож на парня.

00:11:55,000 --> 00:12:08,074

Смотрите более внимательнее. Лазерной технологией мы можем

посмотреть под краску, то, как да Винчи первоначально написал её.

00:12:08,094 --> 00:12:15,021

Это.. Святой Пётр. Первоначальный Папа христианства.

- Я в это не верю.

00:12:15,041 --> 00:12:18,317

Доказательства есть везде. Посмотрите на Папину шапку.

Это не имеет никакого смысла,

00:12:18,337 --> 00:12:24,879

если только она не была первоначально создана.. для кролика.

- Но почему Иисус хочет, чтобы кролик руководил его церковью?

00:12:24,899 --> 00:12:32,388

Потому что Иисус не знал ни одного человека, кто может говорить

за всех в религии. Люди могут быть нетерпимыми, кролики чисты.

00:12:32,408 --> 00:12:38,501

Но католическая церковь похоронила правду, поставив человека

у власти, и Кроличий клуб для мужчин красит яйца с тех пор,

00:12:38,502 --> 00:12:52,909

чтобы хранить тайну в живописи да Винчи живой.

- Так.. Ватикан захватил папу Стэна?

00:12:52,929 --> 00:13:00,789

- Ты смеешь высмеивать Бога, говоря людям, что Св. Пётр был кролик?

- Ты монстр! Вы не имеешь права носить эту шляпу!

00:13:00,809 --> 00:13:08,183

Пытаться говорить людям, что святой Пётр был кроликом это

богохульство! Вы должны признать, что вы не правы или гореть в аду!

00:13:08,203 --> 00:13:12,491

Вот произнесение глупых вещей как это

заставило Иисуса захотеть поставить кролика во главу.

00:13:12,511 --> 00:13:16,520

Жаль, что я не смог принести вам этого кролика, Ваше

Святейшество, но они знают, где он находится!

00:13:16,540 --> 00:13:21,516

Тот кролик, которого вы зовёте Снежок является угрозой

для Церкви Христовой. Где этот кролик?

00:13:21,536 --> 00:13:28,175

Я не знаю! И даже если бы я знал.. Ну, я бы, вероятно,

сказал вам, потому что я не хочу быть здесь больше.

00:13:28,195 --> 00:13:32,800

- Отведите его на пытки!

- Пытать, а, но Билл.. Все это..

00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:38,759

Пытки и ниндзя, он просто не кажется очень христианским.

- Вы просили помощи у американской Католической лиги,

00:13:38,779 --> 00:13:47,937

дайте нам сделать нашу работу! Взять его!

- Нет! Нет, вы кролико-ненавидящие ублюдки! Не делайте этого!

00:13:47,957 --> 00:13:51,729

Я не понимаю. Зачем Папа удерживает моего папу

в заложниках за Снежка?

00:13:51,749 --> 00:14:02,619

Я верю, что Снежок вероятно прямой потомок самого Святого

Петра, и, следовательно, истинный наследник престола Папы.

00:14:02,639 --> 00:14:07,500

- М-р Тибаг! Уходите!

- Они нашли меня!

00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:13,481

Мальчики, уходите отсюда! Направляетесь в лес!

Я постараюсь 'выиграть' вам некоторое время.

00:14:13,501 --> 00:14:15,000

Проверьте наверху!

00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,500

зефир выглядывает

00:14:17,602 --> 00:14:44,015

- Наверху чисто! Проверьте кабинет!

- Здесь! Что это? Вылезают!

00:14:44,035 --> 00:14:48,134

- И что теперь?

- Если Папа держит моего папу..

00:14:48,154 --> 00:14:51,521

Я должен дать ему то, что он хочет.

- Ты же не собираешься просто передать Снежка?

00:14:51,541 --> 00:15:07,768

Какой у меня есть выбор? Тут никого не осталось, кто может помочь

нам! Подожди.. Если только.. может быть, есть. Вот, держи его.

00:15:07,788 --> 00:15:15,923

Иисус, я знаю, мы не разговаривали долгое время и я знаю, каждый

раз, когда ты появлялся, мы в итоге убивали тебя так или иначе, но..

00:15:15,943 --> 00:15:29,296

Я не знаю, что делать.

И я мог бы действительно использовать твою помощь.

00:15:29,316 --> 00:15:34,248

Я думаю, что кролик только что насрал на мою куртку.

00:15:34,268 --> 00:15:39,280

Прямое включение из Ватикана,

это наша трансляция Пасхального бдения.

00:15:39,300 --> 00:15:46,456

Так как Великая Суббота подходит к концу, Пасхальное бдение

в Ватикане начинается. Тысячи вышли услышать Папу

00:15:46,476 --> 00:15:51,300

и отпраздновать Воскресение. Для этого Пасхального

праздничного богослужения, Папа также демонстрирует

00:15:51,300 --> 00:15:57,127

свою божественную благодать кормлением бедных

огромным количеством тушёного мяса кролика.

00:15:57,147 --> 00:16:03,156

- Нет! Нет! Нет, не кидайте м..

- Билл, это кажется чрезвычайным.

00:16:03,176 --> 00:16:08,309

Ребёнок, который держит кролика должен знать,

что мы готовы убить заложников, если он не передаст его.

00:16:08,329 --> 00:16:15,725

- Ваше Святейшество, ребёнок прибыл с кроликом!

- Вы видите?

00:16:15,745 --> 00:16:20,147

О, слава Богу! Передай его, Стэн! Они собираются убить меня!

Дай им кролика!

00:16:20,167 --> 00:16:24,735

- Да, передай его!

- Во-первых, вы должны обещать, что вы не навредите ему!

00:16:24,755 --> 00:16:27,900

И что вы дадите всем уйти!

- Мы обещаем.

00:16:27,900 --> 00:16:32,156

- Мы клянёмся, на кресте.

- Просто передай кролика, Стэн!

00:16:32,176 --> 00:16:38,551

- Ладно, хорошо.

- Стэнли, почему ты это сделал?

00:16:38,571 --> 00:16:42,200

Я бы с гордостью умер за этого кролика.

- Ты сказал: "Передай кролика."

00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:46,326

- Нет! Это не так, как мы вспоминаем это!

- Возьмите их под стражу!

00:16:46,346 --> 00:16:50,271

- Эй, какого чёрта!

- Билл, у нас есть ZEH кролика, это всё что нам нужно.

00:16:50,291 --> 00:16:54,716

Не будьте мягким, Ваше Святейшество!

Эти "шлюхи" должны быть наказаны на глазах у всех!

00:16:54,736 --> 00:17:02,192

- Ты поклялся на кресте, толстяк!

- Да. Слишком плохо для вас.. это был двойной крест (обман)!

00:17:02,212 --> 00:17:08,228

- О, мы должны были это предвидеть!

- Билл, я не уверен, что обманывать людей очень по-христиански.

00:17:08,248 --> 00:17:16,478

- Это то, чего Христос бы хотел!

- Кто ты такой, чтобы говорить это?

00:17:16,498 --> 00:17:20,192

- Это.. быть не может.

- Иисус! /- Иисус!

00:17:20,212 --> 00:17:34,001

♪ Он воскрес. Он воскрес.

♪ Пусть голоса поют ему дифирамбы в этот святой день.

♪ Он воскрес!

00:17:34,021 --> 00:17:40,655

- Иисус, мы думали, что ты умер. В Ираке.

- У меня есть сила воскресения. Или вы забыли?

00:17:40,675 --> 00:17:45,049

Вы все, кажется, забыли много вещей.

- Иисус, ты ответил на мою молитву!

00:17:45,069 --> 00:17:49,739

- На самом деле, я отвечал на молитву Ника Донована.

- Ооо, это я. Круто!

00:17:49,759 --> 00:17:56,326

Именно поэтому я поставил кролика во главе Церкви, Бенидикт!

Потому что людей так легко ввести в заблуждение.

00:17:56,346 --> 00:18:03,100

Св. Пётр был кроликом. И кролик должен быть Папой.

- Убейте его!

00:18:03,100 --> 00:18:05,811

- Что?!

- Он идет против Церкви. Он должен умереть!

00:18:05,819 --> 00:18:10,107

Хорошо, достаточно, Билл.

Я вполне уверен, что убийство Иисуса не очень по-христиански.

00:18:10,127 --> 00:18:17,285

- Ты добрый! Слабый! Ты не оставляешь мне выбора: арестовать их!

- Что вы делаете?! Я Папа!

00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:23,047

Ты больше не в состоянии выполнять свои обязанности к Господу!

Пасхальное бдение будет продолжаться, как запланировано!

00:18:23,067 --> 00:18:28,130

Каждый член Кроличьего клуба, молодой и старый,

увидет, как их драгоценный Спаситель умирает!

00:18:28,150 --> 00:18:33,778

- В чём твоя проблема, парень?

- Заприте этих двух евреев! Мы разберёмся с ним позже.

00:18:33,798 --> 00:18:35,516

Нет! Нет!

00:18:35,536 --> 00:18:43,802

Странный поворот событий здесь в Ватикане: Папа Бенедикт

ушёл в отставку, возвестили новую эпоху.. Папы Билла Донохью.

00:18:43,822 --> 00:18:51,367

Мои люди! Эту Пасху я начну, сделав нашего тушёного кролика

в десять раз мясистее!

00:18:51,387 --> 00:18:58,847

- Нет! Слушайте! Мы не кролики!

- Прости меня, Иисус.

00:18:58,850 --> 00:19:02,969

- Мы никогда не выйдем вовремя, чтобы остановить его!

- Разве у тебя нет какой-либо суперсилы?

00:19:02,989 --> 00:19:12,876

Не, как у смертного. Только в смерти. Подождите. Вот оно.

У нас нет выбора, Кайл. Тебе придётся убить меня.

00:19:12,896 --> 00:19:18,043

- Что?

- Ударь меня этим. Если я умру, я смогу воскреснуть за решёткой.

00:19:18,063 --> 00:19:23,471

- Н-ни за что! Делай это сам.

- Самоубийство это богохульство. Здесь нет выбора, Кайл!

00:19:23,491 --> 00:19:27,375

Чувак, ты не понимаешь, что я еврей.

У меня есть несколько пунктиков об убийстве Иисуса.

00:19:27,395 --> 00:19:33,488

- Просто сделай это быстро. Сквозь шею. Я воскресну снова немедленно.

- Не заставляй меня делать это.

00:19:33,508 --> 00:19:38,952

- Мой сын, нет времени. Делай это!

- Эрик Картман никогда не сможет узнать об этом.

00:19:38,972 --> 00:20:01,072

- Я понимаю. И Кайл, счастливой Пасхи.

- Счастливой Пасхи, Иисус. Иисус?

00:20:01,092 --> 00:20:09,585

Смотрите, больше не будет Пасхи вокруг кроликов и

крашеных яиц! Убить кролика!

00:20:09,605 --> 00:20:20,906

- Прости, маленький кролик.

- Снежок!

00:20:20,926 --> 00:20:25,597

- Иисус?

- Стойте! Это кролик святой родословной!

00:20:25,617 --> 00:20:31,722

- Почему бы тебе не уйти?!

- Один человек не может быть голосом Церкви!

00:20:31,742 --> 00:20:38,746

Хватит этого богохульства! Я Папа сейчас!

Это означает, что я глас Божий!

00:20:38,766 --> 00:20:59,393

- Нет больше. Я снимаю тебя с твоей должности.

- Ура!

00:20:59,413 --> 00:21:04,462

Хорошо, Иисус!

00:21:04,482 --> 00:21:16,414

♪ Sanctum Piter oteum, Deus ore uneum.

♪ Hippitus hoppitus reus homine.

00:21:16,434 --> 00:21:25,594

Ваше Святейшество, что мы должны рассказать миру о том,

как управлять своими жизнями? Он не говорит ничего.

00:21:25,614 --> 00:21:34,995

- Да, так, как Иисус замыслил его.

- Стэнли, я так горжусь тобой. Ты узнал так очень много за эту Пасху.

00:21:34,996 --> 00:21:38,658

Да. Я научился не задавать вопросы.

Просто красить яйца и держать свой рот закрытым.

00:21:38,678 --> 00:21:54,476

- Это мой мальчик.

- ♪ Hippitus hoppitus Deus Domine.

00:22:14,146 --> 00:22:14,156

.

00:00:10,553 --> 00:00:12,430

♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:00:12,555 --> 00:00:14,015

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:14,140 --> 00:00:15,599

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:16,892

♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:00:17,018 --> 00:00:19,020

♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

00:00:19,145 --> 00:00:20,771

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:00:20,896 --> 00:00:22,398

♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:23,733

♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

00:00:23,858 --> 00:00:25,526

♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,651 --> 00:00:28,904

♪ ( mumbling ) ♪

00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:30,239

♪ Come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:31,741

♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

00:00:35,828 --> 00:00:37,663

( randy )

♪ In my Easter bonnet ♪

00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:39,790

♪ With all the frills

upon it ♪

00:00:39,915 --> 00:00:41,667

♪ I'll be

the grandest lady ♪

00:00:41,792 --> 00:00:44,587

♪ In the Easter parade ♪

00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:46,297

Look at that one, huh!

00:00:46,422 --> 00:00:47,423

Half purple

and half yellow

00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,175

with a chickadee

sticker.

00:00:49,300 --> 00:00:51,469

I'm good.

00:00:51,594 --> 00:00:53,304

Uh, can I ask

a question?

00:00:53,429 --> 00:00:54,555

Why do we do this?

00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,059

Wha-what do you mean,

"why do we do this"?

00:00:58,184 --> 00:00:59,351

It's Easter.

00:00:59,477 --> 00:01:01,187

Right, so why do we

color eggs?

00:01:04,023 --> 00:01:06,484

Well, so that the Easter Bunny

can hide them!

00:01:06,609 --> 00:01:08,569

Yeah, but why?

00:01:08,694 --> 00:01:10,488

Stanley, Easter celebrates the day

00:01:10,613 --> 00:01:11,781

that Jesus was resurrected

00:01:11,906 --> 00:01:13,616

after being crucified

for our sins.

00:01:15,618 --> 00:01:16,702

So we dip eggs

in colored vinegar

00:01:16,827 --> 00:01:18,120

and a giant rabbit

hides them?

00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:19,747

That's right.

00:01:19,872 --> 00:01:21,749

You don't see the missed

steps in logic with that?

00:01:21,874 --> 00:01:22,958

Look, I'm just saying that

00:01:23,084 --> 00:01:24,668

somewhere between

Jesus dying on the cross

00:01:24,794 --> 00:01:26,087

and a giant bunny

hiding eggs,

00:01:26,212 --> 00:01:27,963

there seems to be

a gap of information!

00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:30,341

Stanley, just dye

your God damn eggs!

00:01:30,466 --> 00:01:31,383

I don't feel like

coloring eggs!

00:01:31,509 --> 00:01:33,385

I don't get it!

00:01:33,511 --> 00:01:35,054

What is wrong with him?

00:01:35,179 --> 00:01:37,348

Well, he's just getting

older, Randy.

00:01:37,473 --> 00:01:38,974

Maybe he's figured out

the Easter Bunny isn't real.

00:01:40,810 --> 00:01:41,769

( clattering )

00:01:43,312 --> 00:01:44,688

You know so little.

00:01:50,694 --> 00:01:52,947

And I want a Valtor

Soldier doll for Easter

00:01:53,072 --> 00:01:54,865

and five Crash-and-Go

R.C. cars.

00:01:54,990 --> 00:01:56,742

Do you got that?

Do you have that?!

00:01:56,867 --> 00:01:57,993

Uh, don't you

think that's--

00:01:58,119 --> 00:01:59,870

No, no, you don't

ask me questions.

00:01:59,995 --> 00:02:01,914

You are a rabbit,

I am a human.

00:02:02,039 --> 00:02:03,415

So if you don't bring me

what I want for Easter,

00:02:03,541 --> 00:02:05,501

I can fucking kill you.

00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:07,378

Smile!

00:02:07,503 --> 00:02:09,421

Bye, Easter Bunny!

00:02:09,547 --> 00:02:11,549

Oh, my God.

00:02:11,674 --> 00:02:12,716

All right, can you

please explain to me

00:02:12,842 --> 00:02:14,510

what's going on?

Huh?

00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:15,845

What is the deal with

the coloring the eggs

00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:17,513

and you hiding

them and all that?

00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,807

What does that have to do with

Jesus dying on the cross?

00:02:19,932 --> 00:02:21,559

Is it symbolic?

00:02:21,684 --> 00:02:22,935

Are you trying to reference

something

00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:24,520

that happened

in biblical times?

00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:26,397

Answer me!

00:02:26,522 --> 00:02:28,357

Look, kid, I'm just

a guy in a costume.

00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:29,984

I know that.

00:02:30,109 --> 00:02:31,402

But I figure you

must have some knowledge

00:02:31,527 --> 00:02:33,237

of what Easter is about

00:02:33,362 --> 00:02:34,530

if you're playing

the Easter Bunny at the mall.

00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:35,823

Easter's just Easter.

00:02:35,948 --> 00:02:37,700

Just go

with it, kid.

00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:39,118

No, I'm not gonna

just go with it!

00:02:39,243 --> 00:02:41,912

I'm gonna find out

what's behind all this!

00:02:42,037 --> 00:02:43,747

I need a break--

can I have a break?

00:02:49,962 --> 00:02:51,964

We have a problem.

00:02:52,089 --> 00:02:54,133

Somebody's onto us.

00:02:54,258 --> 00:02:57,094

Yeah, he's asking

a lot of questions.

00:02:57,219 --> 00:02:58,804

Only a matter of time

before he finds out

00:02:58,929 --> 00:03:00,472

what Easter's really about.

00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:04,977

Yes, I understand

what must be done.

00:03:05,102 --> 00:03:06,312

Call the others.

00:03:33,756 --> 00:03:35,049

( tires screeching )

00:03:47,353 --> 00:03:48,562

Mom, Dad?!

00:03:50,522 --> 00:03:51,857

Anybody home?!

00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:54,360

( Randy ) Not now, Stanley,

I'm on the toilet.

00:03:54,485 --> 00:03:56,237

Dad, you gotta help me!

00:03:56,362 --> 00:03:58,447

Hang on,

I'm taking a crap.

00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,366

Dad, there's Easter Bunnies chasing me!

00:04:00,491 --> 00:04:02,326

What? They chased me

from the mall!

00:04:02,451 --> 00:04:03,661

I don't know what

they want!

00:04:03,786 --> 00:04:04,912

They're coming in!

00:04:05,037 --> 00:04:06,497

Dad, open the door!

00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:11,877

Dad?!

00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:14,171

We need to talk, Stan.

00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:17,258

It's okay, guys.

00:04:17,383 --> 00:04:18,634

Randy?

00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,511

Yeah, guess it turns out

00:04:20,636 --> 00:04:22,638

the kid we're after

is my son.

00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,890

Oh!

00:04:25,015 --> 00:04:28,185

Tell the Grand Hare

everything is okay.

00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:29,478

I'll take it from here.

00:04:31,647 --> 00:04:34,149

I wanted to keep

this from you, Stan.

00:04:34,275 --> 00:04:35,734

I really wanted to wait

until you were older,

00:04:35,859 --> 00:04:38,487

but you just had to

keep asking questions!

00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,656

Why were those other

rabbit guys chasing me?

00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:41,907

We have to be careful

00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:43,951

when we think somebody's

on to us.

00:04:44,076 --> 00:04:46,912

We are all part of

a secret society, Stan.

00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:49,873

A very ancient, very important

society of men

00:04:49,999 --> 00:04:51,625

who follow

the way of the rabbit

00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:54,586

and protect the secret

of the Easter Bunny.

00:04:54,712 --> 00:04:56,797

We are called

"The Hare Club for Men."

00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:01,260

Does mom know about this?

00:05:01,385 --> 00:05:02,720

Duh!

00:05:02,845 --> 00:05:03,721

It's "The Hare Club for Men."

00:05:03,846 --> 00:05:05,347

Chicks wouldn't understand.

00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:06,807

I don't understand!

00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:08,434

I belong to a secret society

00:05:08,559 --> 00:05:10,561

that has been around

for thousands of years.

00:05:10,686 --> 00:05:12,980

Our identities have to

be protected.

00:05:13,105 --> 00:05:14,940

Could you take off

the ears, please?

00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:16,191

Stan, you don't

seem to understand

00:05:16,317 --> 00:05:17,318

how serious this is!

00:05:17,443 --> 00:05:19,069

The secret of Easter that we protect

00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:20,612

is something that

could rock the foundation

00:05:20,738 --> 00:05:22,948

of the entire world.

00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:24,533

So what is the secret of Easter?

00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:26,410

I can't tell you.

00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:27,953

You have to be allowed

into the society first.

00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:31,123

But... But perhaps

it's time.

00:05:34,710 --> 00:05:36,587

I always knew

this day would come,

00:05:36,712 --> 00:05:39,423

when my son would be brought

into the society.

00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:41,216

Reminds me of the day

I was brought in by my father.

00:05:41,342 --> 00:05:42,259

Grandpa's in it too?

00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:44,094

Of course.

00:05:44,219 --> 00:05:45,471

Marshes have been in

"The Hare Club for Men"

00:05:45,596 --> 00:05:48,182

for generations, all the way

back to the beginning.

00:05:48,307 --> 00:05:49,725

Dad, do I have to

wear this bag over my head

00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,185

the entire time?

00:05:51,310 --> 00:05:53,228

You aren't a member yet.

00:05:53,354 --> 00:05:55,314

You can't know where our

secret meetings take place.

00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:57,566

We're going to a distant

location,

00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:00,277

an old building near a

lake about 40 minutes away.

00:06:00,402 --> 00:06:01,987

You mean the old

Galvinston Lodge?

00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:08,410

Damn it.

00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:12,498

Hey, Charlie!

00:06:12,623 --> 00:06:14,500

Hey, Bill!

Evenin', Marcus!

00:06:14,625 --> 00:06:15,793

Hey, look at you!

00:06:15,918 --> 00:06:17,211

Hey, everybody.

00:06:20,672 --> 00:06:21,965

Stan Marsh, welcome!

00:06:22,091 --> 00:06:24,051

You must be

very excited.

00:06:24,176 --> 00:06:25,511

Must I?

00:06:25,636 --> 00:06:27,679

There he is!

There's my grandson!

00:06:27,805 --> 00:06:29,139

Hi, Grandpa.

00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:30,682

I'm proud of you,

Billy.

00:06:30,808 --> 00:06:31,975

Stan.

00:06:41,318 --> 00:06:42,152

( ding )

00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:47,616

( ding )

00:06:49,493 --> 00:06:50,869

( gavel knocking )

00:06:50,994 --> 00:06:52,913

( man )

Attention, members.

00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:55,165

Tonight, we determine

if a new member

00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:57,960

is worthy of

protecting the secret.

00:06:58,085 --> 00:07:01,171

Bring out... The rabbit.

00:07:01,296 --> 00:07:04,550

( all )

♪ Sanctum Peter cotium ♪

00:07:04,675 --> 00:07:07,886

♪ De-us en ri hunne-am ♪

00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:12,975

♪ Hippitus hoppitus

reus domine ♪

00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,978

♪ In suus

via tor-rei um ♪

00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:19,440

♪ Lepis en ei sa-anc-tum ♪

00:07:19,565 --> 00:07:23,694

♪ Hippitus hoppitus

deus domine ♪

00:07:30,701 --> 00:07:33,412

All hail the cute rabbit,

snowball.

00:07:33,537 --> 00:07:35,581

Hail, Snowball. Hail,

Snowball. Hail, Snowball.

00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:40,085

Stan Marsh, are you ready to

hear the secret of Easter?

00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:41,462

Yeah.

00:07:41,587 --> 00:07:43,088

Are you sure, Son?

00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:44,423

Once you hear the secret,

you will be bound to

00:07:44,548 --> 00:07:45,966

"The Hare Club for Men" forever.

00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:47,593

Yeah, I wanna

know already.

00:07:47,718 --> 00:07:49,511

Very well.

00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:52,723

At the last supper, Jesus Christ

met with his 12 disciples.

00:07:52,848 --> 00:07:54,057

It was there that--

00:07:56,852 --> 00:07:58,270

They found us!

00:07:58,395 --> 00:07:59,396

Protect Snowball!

00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:01,064

Ahh!

00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:08,113

They're everywhere!

00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:17,331

Ow-- my arm!

00:08:17,456 --> 00:08:18,665

Come on,

we gotta go!

00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:21,960

Agh!

00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:24,004

Stan, take Snowball

and get out of here!

00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:25,088

Where am I

supposed to go?

00:08:25,214 --> 00:08:26,882

Just get outta here!

00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:30,052

Huh!

00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:31,845

Ooh!

00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:33,722

Where is the rabbit?

00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:45,067

Where are you taking us?

00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:47,319

No, I'm not

going anywhere!

00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:48,195

Agh!

00:08:49,905 --> 00:08:51,240

Jesus Christ!

00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:54,201

Who did you

give the rabbit to?

00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:57,538

Oof!

00:08:57,663 --> 00:08:58,789

Search the area!

00:08:58,914 --> 00:09:00,666

The boy could not

have gotten far!

00:09:00,791 --> 00:09:02,167

Oh, no!

00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:10,217

( doorbell ringing )

00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,430

( huffing )

00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:17,307

Help.

00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:18,809

What happened?

00:09:18,934 --> 00:09:20,435

My dad's in a

rabbit-worshiping cult called

00:09:20,561 --> 00:09:21,645

"The Hare Club for Men."

00:09:21,770 --> 00:09:22,813

They protect

the secret of Easter.

00:09:22,938 --> 00:09:23,730

But before they said

what it was,

00:09:23,855 --> 00:09:25,023

they were

attacked by ninjas

00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:25,941

and put me in charge

of Snowball.

00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:30,779

I'm kind of

finger-painting right now.

00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,364

Dude, they took

my dad away!

00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:33,991

They even shot

one of his fellow hares.

00:09:34,116 --> 00:09:35,450

And now they're

after me!

00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:36,785

Do you know

anything about Easter?

00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:37,953

What is the connection

between Jesus

00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:40,038

and rabbits

and colored eggs?

00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:43,542

Dude, I'm Jewish, I have no idea.

00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:48,046

( coughing )

00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:52,050

Nelson!

00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,679

Nelson, Nelson,

say something.

00:09:55,804 --> 00:09:57,347

My legs...

00:09:57,472 --> 00:09:59,308

I think they're broken.

00:09:59,433 --> 00:10:00,767

Nelson, do you know

where we are?

00:10:00,892 --> 00:10:02,102

Where did they take us?

00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:03,687

Don't know.

00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:05,522

We traveled

for hours.

00:10:05,647 --> 00:10:07,065

Kept blacking out.

00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:09,651

( coughing )

00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:14,406

You.

00:10:18,452 --> 00:10:21,580

Hi, we'd like to speak to

a Professor Teabag.

00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:24,333

What is it

in regard to?

00:10:24,458 --> 00:10:26,251

The history of Easter.

00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:27,961

Sorry, boys,

it's a little late

00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:30,797

for me to be giving

lectures.

00:10:30,922 --> 00:10:32,090

Please, do you

know anything about

00:10:32,215 --> 00:10:33,425

"The Hare Club for Men"?

00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:38,180

The keepers?

00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:40,182

The guardians

of the secret?

00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:41,516

My dad is in it.

00:10:41,642 --> 00:10:43,185

This rabbit is

too somehow.

00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:44,269

Come on in.

00:10:46,855 --> 00:10:49,816

"The Hare Club for Men"

has been around for centuries.

00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:54,529

One of its most famous members

was Leonardo Da Vinci.

00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:58,283

Behold

"The Last Supper,"

00:10:58,408 --> 00:11:00,077

the dinner Christ had

with his disciples

00:11:00,202 --> 00:11:03,080

the night before

he was crucified.

00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:05,540

What food do you see

on the table?

00:11:05,666 --> 00:11:06,667

Just bread.

00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:08,251

Really?

00:11:08,377 --> 00:11:10,003

Look to Jesus' right,

00:11:10,128 --> 00:11:11,129

the food which is

a little different color

00:11:11,254 --> 00:11:13,799

than the others.

00:11:13,924 --> 00:11:16,968

It kind of looks

like an egg.

00:11:17,094 --> 00:11:19,721

Yes, the egg

marks the secret.

00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:23,058

It lies directly in front

of St. Peter.

00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,726

Who was St. Peter?

00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:26,978

He was the disciple that Jesus

made into the first pope.

00:11:27,104 --> 00:11:29,106

Eggs-actly.

00:11:29,231 --> 00:11:31,858

But there's something

the church didn't tell you.

00:11:31,983 --> 00:11:34,903

In actuality, Peter wasn't

a man at all.

00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:39,491

St. Peter...

Was a rabbit.

00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:41,702

Peter Rabbit.

00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:43,370

Of course, the church

wouldn't allow Da Vinci

00:11:43,495 --> 00:11:46,081

to paint Peter as a rabbit,

so he painted him as a man,

00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:47,457

but left clues.

00:11:47,582 --> 00:11:49,292

Look closely.

00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:50,544

I don't see it.

00:11:50,669 --> 00:11:52,045

Look closlier.

00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:54,673

He looks like a guy.

00:11:54,798 --> 00:11:56,591

Look more closlier.

00:12:00,512 --> 00:12:02,723

With laser technology we can

look beneath the paint,

00:12:02,848 --> 00:12:04,558

at the way Da Vinci

originally painted it.

00:12:08,311 --> 00:12:11,148

That is St. Peter.

00:12:11,273 --> 00:12:13,775

The original

pope of Christianity.

00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,152

I don't believe it.

00:12:15,277 --> 00:12:16,486

The proof is everywhere.

00:12:16,611 --> 00:12:18,697

Look at the pope's

hat-- it makes no sense.

00:12:18,822 --> 00:12:22,242

Except that it was originally

designed for a rabbit.

00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:25,162

But why would Jesus want a

rabbit to run his church?

00:12:25,287 --> 00:12:27,122

Because Jesus

knew no one man

00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:29,499

could speak for everyone

in a religion.

00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:31,084

Men can be

intolerant.

00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:32,753

Rabbits are pure.

00:12:32,878 --> 00:12:34,296

But the Catholic Church

buried the truth,

00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:36,089

put a man in charge,

00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:38,508

and "The Hare Club for Men

have been decorating eggs

00:12:38,633 --> 00:12:41,011

ever since to keep the secret

in Da Vinci's painting alive.

00:12:42,053 --> 00:12:44,556

So the Vatican

took Stan's dad?

00:12:46,475 --> 00:12:48,143

( thunder rumbling )

00:12:53,356 --> 00:12:55,484

You dare to mock God

by telling people

00:12:55,609 --> 00:12:57,152

St. Peter was a rabbit?

00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:58,737

You monster!

00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:00,572

You have no right

to wear that hat!

00:13:00,697 --> 00:13:03,492

Trying to tell people

that St. Peter was a rabbit

00:13:03,617 --> 00:13:05,243

is blasphemy!

00:13:05,368 --> 00:13:08,413

You must admit you are

wrong or burn in hell.

00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:10,165

It's saying stupid

things like that

00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,959

that made Jesus want to

put a rabbit in charge.

00:13:13,084 --> 00:13:15,045

I'm sorry I couldn't bring you

the rabbit, Your Holiness,

00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:16,546

but they know where it is.

00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:18,215

The rabbit you

call Snowball

00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:19,758

is a threat

to Christ's church.

00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:21,384

Where is the rabbit?

00:13:21,510 --> 00:13:23,178

I don't know.

00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,222

And even if

I did know--

00:13:25,347 --> 00:13:26,473

Well, I'd probably tell you

00:13:26,598 --> 00:13:28,016

because I don't want to

be here anymore.

00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,601

Take him to be

tortured.

00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:30,811

Tortured?

00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:34,189

But, Bill, all this

torturing and ninjas--

00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,358

it just doesn't seem

very Christian.

00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:38,610

You asked for the help of

the American Catholic League.

00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:40,153

Let us do our job.

00:13:40,278 --> 00:13:41,530

Take him!

00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:44,032

No, no, you

bunny-hating bastards!

00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:45,242

Don't do this!

00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:48,745

I don't get it.

00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:51,832

Why would the pope be holding

my dad hostage for Snowball?

00:13:51,957 --> 00:13:53,416

I believe

Snowball must be

00:13:53,542 --> 00:13:55,710

a direct descendant of

St. Peter himself,

00:13:55,836 --> 00:13:57,587

and therefore the true

heir of the pope's throne.

00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:04,511

Mr. Teabag, get out!

00:14:04,636 --> 00:14:05,679

Agh!

00:14:05,804 --> 00:14:07,305

They found me!

00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:08,223

Boys, get out

of here!

00:14:10,141 --> 00:14:11,434

Head to the woods.

00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:13,562

I'll try to

buy you some time.

00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:14,855

( ninja )

check upstairs!

00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:18,650

( ninja )

Kitchen's clear!

00:14:18,775 --> 00:14:20,026

Try the office!

00:14:24,239 --> 00:14:26,199

( microwave beeping )

00:14:27,868 --> 00:14:28,994

In here!

00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:31,496

What's that?

00:14:31,621 --> 00:14:33,248

( beeping )

00:14:36,126 --> 00:14:37,419

Peeps!

00:14:44,301 --> 00:14:46,094

So what now?

00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:47,846

If the pope has my dad,

00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:50,056

I have to give him

what he wants.

00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:51,850

You aren't just gonna

hand Snowball over?

00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:53,226

What choice do I have?

00:14:53,351 --> 00:14:55,562

There's nobody left

who can help us!

00:14:55,687 --> 00:14:57,147

Wait.

00:14:57,272 --> 00:15:00,901

Unless maybe there is.

00:15:01,026 --> 00:15:02,527

Here, hold this.

00:15:08,325 --> 00:15:12,454

Jesus, I know we haven't

talked in a long time,

00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:13,413

and I know that

every time you appear

00:15:13,538 --> 00:15:15,457

we end up killing

you somehow,

00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:18,460

but... I don't

know what to do

00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,962

and I could really

use your help.

00:15:30,639 --> 00:15:32,223

I think the rabbit

just crapped on my jacket.

00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:36,311

( announcer )

Live from the Vatican,

00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:39,356

it's our Easter vigil coverage.

00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:41,691

As Holy Saturday

comes to an end,

00:15:41,816 --> 00:15:44,611

the Easter vigil

at the Vatican begins.

00:15:44,736 --> 00:15:46,529

Thousands have turned out

to hear the pope

00:15:46,655 --> 00:15:48,990

and celebrate

the resurrection.

00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:50,325

For this Easter vigil,

00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,452

the pope is also showing

his divine grace

00:15:52,577 --> 00:15:55,330

by feeding the poor,

with a massive rabbit stew.

00:15:57,374 --> 00:15:59,167

No, no!

00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:01,252

No, don't put-- agh!

00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:03,213

Bill, this seems extreme.

00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:04,798

The child who has

the rabbit

00:16:04,923 --> 00:16:06,841

has to know that we are

willing to kill the hostages

00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:08,802

if he doesn't hand it over.

00:16:08,927 --> 00:16:11,513

Your Holiness, a child has

arrived with the rabbit!

00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:12,973

You see?

00:16:16,059 --> 00:16:17,394

Oh, thank God!

00:16:17,519 --> 00:16:19,187

Hand it over, Stan,

they're gonna kill me!

00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:20,480

Give 'em the rabbit!

00:16:20,605 --> 00:16:22,732

Yes, hand it over.

00:16:22,857 --> 00:16:24,734

First, you have to promise

you won't hurt it

00:16:24,859 --> 00:16:26,569

and that you'll

let everybody go.

00:16:26,695 --> 00:16:28,154

We promise.

00:16:28,279 --> 00:16:30,323

We swear it

on the cross.

00:16:30,448 --> 00:16:31,992

Just hand over

the bunny, Stan!

00:16:32,117 --> 00:16:34,411

Okay, fine.

00:16:37,455 --> 00:16:38,873

Stanley, why did you do that?

00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:40,917

I would have proudly

died for that rabbit.

00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:42,502

You said hand over

the bunny!

00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:44,879

No, that's is not the way

we're remembering it!

00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:46,006

Take them into custody!

00:16:46,131 --> 00:16:47,757

Hey, what the hell?

00:16:47,882 --> 00:16:50,010

Bill, we have the rabbit,

it's all we need.

00:16:50,135 --> 00:16:51,803

Don't be soft,

Your Holiness!

00:16:51,928 --> 00:16:54,889

These whores must be punished

in front of everyone!

00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:56,558

You swore on

the cross, fatso!

00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:57,851

Yeah.

00:16:57,976 --> 00:17:01,187

Too bad for you

it was a double-cross!

00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:02,647

( laughing )

00:17:02,772 --> 00:17:04,357

Aw, we should have

seen that coming.

00:17:04,482 --> 00:17:06,484

Bill, I'm not sure that

double-crossing people

00:17:06,609 --> 00:17:08,236

is very Christian.

00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,822

It is what Christ

would have wanted!

00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:12,657

( man )

Who are you to say that?

00:17:16,953 --> 00:17:18,872

It can't be.

00:17:18,997 --> 00:17:20,540

Jesus!

Jesus!

00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:23,543

♪ He is risen ♪

00:17:23,668 --> 00:17:26,004

♪ He is risen ♪

00:17:26,129 --> 00:17:29,174

♪ Let the voices

sing his praises ♪

00:17:29,299 --> 00:17:31,426

♪ On this holy day ♪

00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:34,054

♪ He is risen ♪

00:17:34,179 --> 00:17:36,931

Jesus, we thought you

died in Iraq.

00:17:37,057 --> 00:17:39,059

I have the power

of resurrection.

00:17:39,184 --> 00:17:40,852

Or have you forgotten?

00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:43,271

You all seem to have

forgotten a lot of things.

00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:45,231

Jesus, you did

answer my prayer.

00:17:45,356 --> 00:17:47,650

Actually, I was answering

the prayer of Nick Donovan.

00:17:47,776 --> 00:17:49,778

Oh, that's me-- neat-o.

00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:51,988

This is exactly why

I put a rabbit in charge

00:17:52,113 --> 00:17:53,990

of the church, Benedictus.

00:17:54,115 --> 00:17:56,493

Because men are

so easily led astray.

00:17:56,618 --> 00:17:58,995

St. Peter was a rabbit.

00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:00,663

And a rabbit

should be pope.

00:18:02,373 --> 00:18:04,084

Kill him.

What?!

00:18:04,209 --> 00:18:06,086

He goes against the church.

He must die.

00:18:06,211 --> 00:18:07,378

All right,

that does it, Bill.

00:18:07,504 --> 00:18:08,546

I'm pretty sure that

killing Jesus

00:18:08,671 --> 00:18:10,215

is not very Christian.

00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:11,800

You are soft, weak.

00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:13,051

You leave me

no choice.

00:18:13,176 --> 00:18:14,594

Take them!

00:18:14,719 --> 00:18:15,637

What are you doing?!

00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:17,555

I am the pope!

00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,015

You are no longer able

00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:20,975

to fulfill your

duties to the Lord.

00:18:21,101 --> 00:18:23,311

The Easter Vigil will

go on as planned!

00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,563

Every "Hare Club" member,

young and old,

00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:27,941

will watch as their

precious savior dies.

00:18:28,066 --> 00:18:29,984

What is your

problem, guy?

00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:32,070

Lock up those two Jews.

00:18:32,195 --> 00:18:33,655

We'll deal with

them later.

00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,657

No, no!

00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:38,118

A strange turn of events

here at the Vatican.

00:18:38,243 --> 00:18:40,537

Pope Benedictus

has stepped down,

00:18:40,662 --> 00:18:43,790

ushering the new era of

Pope Bill Donahue.

00:18:43,915 --> 00:18:46,417

My people,

this Easter I am gonna start

00:18:46,543 --> 00:18:49,838

by making our rabbit stew

10 times meatier!

00:18:49,963 --> 00:18:51,840

( cheering )

00:18:51,965 --> 00:18:54,342

No, listen,

we aren't rabbits!

00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:55,051

Oof!

00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:59,264

Forgive me, Jesus.

00:18:59,389 --> 00:19:01,141

We'll never get out

in time to stop him!

00:19:01,266 --> 00:19:02,892

Don't you have

any super powers?

00:19:03,017 --> 00:19:06,271

Not as a mortal,

only in death.

00:19:06,396 --> 00:19:08,106

Wait-- that's it.

00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:10,233

We have no choice, Kyle.

00:19:10,358 --> 00:19:12,402

You are going to

have to kill me.

00:19:12,527 --> 00:19:13,611

What?!

00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:15,029

Stab me with this.

00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:17,866

If I die, I can resurrect

outside the bars.

00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:20,410

No way!

Do it yourself!

00:19:20,535 --> 00:19:22,078

Suicide is blasphemy.

00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:23,705

There's no

choice here, Kyle.

00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,790

Dude, you don't understand, I'm a Jew.

00:19:25,915 --> 00:19:27,625

I have a few hang-ups

about killing Jesus.

00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:29,669

Just make it quick,

through the neck.

00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:32,422

I'll arise

again immediately.

00:19:32,547 --> 00:19:33,715

Don't make me do this.

00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:34,841

My son,

there is no time.

00:19:34,966 --> 00:19:36,718

Do it!

00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:38,469

Eric Cartman can never

know about this.

00:19:38,595 --> 00:19:40,555

I understand.

00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:43,057

And, Kyle,

Happy Easter.

00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:45,143

Happy Easter, Jesus.

00:19:45,268 --> 00:19:48,521

Agh, agh-agh!

00:19:48,646 --> 00:19:52,150

( groaning )

00:19:59,574 --> 00:20:01,034

Jesus?

00:20:01,159 --> 00:20:03,661

Behold, no longer

will Easter

00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:06,372

be about bunnies

and colored eggs!

00:20:06,497 --> 00:20:08,249

Kill the rabbit!

00:20:09,918 --> 00:20:12,837

Sorry, little bunny.

00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:14,047

Snowball!

00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:18,843

Ooh!

Ooh!

Ooh!

00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:22,222

Jesus?

00:20:22,347 --> 00:20:23,264

Stop!

00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:25,808

That rabbit is

of holy decent!

00:20:25,934 --> 00:20:28,353

Why won't you go away?!

00:20:28,478 --> 00:20:31,981

One man cannot be

the voice of the church.

00:20:32,106 --> 00:20:33,733

Enough of this

blasphemy!

00:20:33,858 --> 00:20:35,526

I am the pope now!

00:20:35,652 --> 00:20:38,780

That means I am

the voice of God!

00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:40,198

Not anymore.

00:20:40,323 --> 00:20:42,200

I'm removing you

from your position.

00:20:47,705 --> 00:20:49,290

Eehh!

00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:51,000

Agh!

00:20:57,632 --> 00:20:59,384

( cheering )

00:20:59,509 --> 00:21:01,094

All right, Jesus!

00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:03,721

( church bells ringing )

00:21:05,306 --> 00:21:07,934

♪ Sanctum Peter cotium ♪

00:21:08,059 --> 00:21:11,396

♪ De-us en ri hunne-am ♪

00:21:11,521 --> 00:21:15,233

♪ Hippitus hoppitus

reus domine ♪

00:21:16,859 --> 00:21:19,529

Your Holiness, what should

we tell the world

00:21:19,654 --> 00:21:21,823

about how to

run their lives?

00:21:24,158 --> 00:21:25,952

It isn't saying anything.

00:21:26,077 --> 00:21:28,496

Yes, just as

Jesus intended it.

00:21:31,416 --> 00:21:33,251

Stanley, I'm so proud of you.

00:21:33,376 --> 00:21:35,295

You have learned so very

much this Easter.

00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:37,171

Yeah, I've learned not

to ask questions.

00:21:37,297 --> 00:21:38,548

Just dye the eggs

and keep my mouth shut.

00:21:38,673 --> 00:21:39,841

That's my boy.

00:21:39,966 --> 00:21:44,679

♪ Hippitus hoppitus

deus domine ♪