Вперёд, Бог, вперёд XII

00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:13,681

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:13,806 --> 00:00:15,349

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,474 --> 00:00:18,561

♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,271

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:20,396 --> 00:00:21,605

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

00:00:21,731 --> 00:00:25,109

♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,234 --> 00:00:28,362

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

00:00:28,487 --> 00:00:32,992

♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:36,704

The year is 2006,

00:00:36,829 --> 00:00:38,831

and young Eric Cartman

cannot wait

00:00:38,956 --> 00:00:40,875

for the new Nintendo Wii

to come out.

00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,794

Unable to cope with the wait

any longer,

00:00:43,919 --> 00:00:46,505

Eric decides to freeze himself

for three weeks.

00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:49,675

But a freak avalanche

makes Eric impossible to find,

00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:54,638

and so he remains frozen

for 500 years.

00:01:52,363 --> 00:01:54,031

Whoa!

Steady!

00:01:54,156 --> 00:01:56,408

This way, otters!

00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:02,039

This is it -- New New Hampshire.

00:02:02,164 --> 00:02:05,209

We have risked much

bringing you here, time child.

00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:07,628

Can it.

00:02:07,753 --> 00:02:09,839

You otters may have evolved

to the point you can talk,

00:02:09,964 --> 00:02:11,674

but I don't need lectures.

00:02:12,383 --> 00:02:14,468

Don't let the time child

out of your sight.

00:02:14,593 --> 00:02:15,845

He could try to run.

00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:17,596

We have a deal, Blavius.

00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:21,100

As long as I get what I want,

you have nothing to worry about.

00:02:23,352 --> 00:02:25,062

Something is spooking

the ostriches.

00:02:25,187 --> 00:02:27,398

Sure.

This is monarch land now.

00:02:27,523 --> 00:02:29,567

Probably jarvis probes

everywhere.

00:02:29,692 --> 00:02:31,485

Here it is!

We have arrived!

00:02:31,610 --> 00:02:32,486

Hold!

00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:36,115

This is it, time child --

the old Museum of Technology,

00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:37,408

abandoned long ago.

00:02:37,992 --> 00:02:41,537

Let's get what you want,

time child, and get out of here.

00:02:46,417 --> 00:02:47,918

Over here!

00:02:49,044 --> 00:02:50,671

Yes! Here!

I-It's here!

00:02:51,463 --> 00:02:53,299

The Nintendo Wii.

00:02:54,884 --> 00:02:57,136

I've waited so long for this.

00:02:58,888 --> 00:02:59,805

All right, time child.

00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:01,432

We've filled our side

of the bargain.

00:03:01,557 --> 00:03:03,142

Now return with us to Otter Bay.

00:03:03,267 --> 00:03:05,144

Sorry, Blavius.

I've got other plans.

00:03:07,188 --> 00:03:08,355

No!

00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:09,523

It was a trick!

00:03:09,648 --> 00:03:12,526

Science damn you, time child!

00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:17,364

I got it!

I got the Wii!

00:03:17,489 --> 00:03:19,617

Time child, you've returned!

00:03:19,742 --> 00:03:22,203

We thought for sure you had died

in the thobart plant!

00:03:22,328 --> 00:03:25,289

Yeah. Lucky for me the otters

believed I was on their side.

00:03:25,956 --> 00:03:26,916

Do me a favor.

00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:28,500

Next time I'm in

a recessed biocave,

00:03:28,626 --> 00:03:30,669

don't send me

a level-two homing call.

00:03:31,629 --> 00:03:33,756

T.C., wait!

00:03:34,340 --> 00:03:36,926

Oh, I can't wait!

This is gonna be so awesome!

00:03:37,051 --> 00:03:38,594

Get out of my way!

00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:40,471

You gained the otters' trust?!

00:03:40,596 --> 00:03:42,890

Were you wearing

an information crystal?

00:03:43,015 --> 00:03:44,225

Here.

00:03:44,350 --> 00:03:47,478

Science be praised.

This could end the war!

00:03:47,603 --> 00:03:50,648

You've done a great thing, T.C.

How can we repay you?

00:03:50,773 --> 00:03:52,942

Just send a maintenance guy

to my room!

00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:56,528

I want this Nintendo hooked up

to my float screen now!

00:03:57,238 --> 00:03:58,656

Come on.

00:03:58,781 --> 00:03:59,949

Come on!

00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:02,576

Dude, what is taking so long?

I want to play!

00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:05,162

Uh, what kind of output

does this have?

00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:08,082

This is some ancient super-VHS

output or something.

00:04:08,207 --> 00:04:10,542

I can't connect it

to your float screen.

00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:13,045

There's got to be

some way to hook it up!

00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:14,588

It's the freakin' future!

00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:16,048

It may be the future for you,

00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:18,384

but I can't hook up anything

to a float screen

00:04:18,509 --> 00:04:20,386

without at least

a laser-seven output.

00:04:20,511 --> 00:04:22,096

You got to be me!

00:04:22,221 --> 00:04:23,847

Science damn it!

00:04:23,973 --> 00:04:26,058

I am so sick

of the future!

00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:28,310

T.C., what's wrong?

00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:29,478

I'll tell you what's wrong.

00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:32,648

I've been waiting 500 years

to play the Nintendo Wii,

00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:35,693

and if I don't get to play

real soon, I'm gonna bust a nut!

00:04:35,818 --> 00:04:37,361

Well, we're all glad

you're back.

00:04:37,486 --> 00:04:39,822

I know somebody

who's missed you very much.

00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,156

Come on in, K-10!

00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:43,117

Bark, bark.

00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:45,619

Hello, Eric.

I have missed you.

00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:48,622

Suck my balls, K-10.

I'm not in the mood.

00:04:49,832 --> 00:04:52,918

Fellow atheists,

the time child has returned

00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:55,170

with information

on our sworn enemies,

00:04:55,296 --> 00:04:57,881

the Allied Atheist Alliance!

00:04:58,007 --> 00:05:01,093

They have started digging

for clams in sector J-7.

00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:03,262

If we mount an all-out attack,

00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:05,597

we can wipe out

their food supply!

00:05:06,265 --> 00:05:08,225

But those are civilian otters.

00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:10,019

We cannot tolerate the otters!

00:05:10,144 --> 00:05:11,520

Their science is flawed!

00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:14,732

Their answer to the great

question is different from ours.

00:05:14,857 --> 00:05:18,193

Yes, but sending out all

our ships at the same time --

00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:20,195

It would leave our city exposed.

00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:23,240

That's why we have

to be super-duper sure

00:05:23,365 --> 00:05:26,160

that nobody finds out

we're doing it.

00:05:28,704 --> 00:05:29,913

The United Atheist Alliance

00:05:30,039 --> 00:05:31,999

is about to send out

all its defense ships

00:05:32,124 --> 00:05:34,626

to take down the Allied Atheist

Alliance's clam fields!

00:05:34,752 --> 00:05:36,045

Praise science!

00:05:36,170 --> 00:05:37,755

This is your chance,

young Shpeck,

00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:39,506

to avenge your father's death.

00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:40,841

Careful, son.

00:05:40,966 --> 00:05:43,552

Just because their science

leads them to a different answer

00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:44,762

to the great question

00:05:44,887 --> 00:05:46,889

doesn't mean we have the right

to kill them all.

00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:47,806

No.

00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:50,976

Our answer to the great question

is the only logical one.

00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:52,728

Our science is great.

00:05:53,312 --> 00:05:55,064

Let us not forget

the great Richard Dawkins,

00:05:55,189 --> 00:05:57,566

who finally freed the world

of religion long ago.

00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:59,360

Dawkins knew that logic

and reason

00:05:59,485 --> 00:06:00,694

were the way of the future.

00:06:00,819 --> 00:06:03,614

But it wasn't until he met

his beautiful wife

00:06:03,739 --> 00:06:07,326

that he learned using logic

and reason isn't enough.

00:06:07,910 --> 00:06:08,911

You have to be a dick

00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:11,914

to everyone who doesn't think

like you.

00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:13,916

Prepare all the troops.

00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:18,629

We will level the United

Atheist Alliance to the ground!

00:06:18,754 --> 00:06:21,215

With new Glade monvert cleaner,

00:06:21,340 --> 00:06:24,426

you can make your monvert

sparkle like never before.

00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:27,096

My monvert's never looked

so clean!

00:06:27,221 --> 00:06:31,141

God, I hate future TV.

There's too many commercials!

00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:33,477

Ugh. I'm so bored!

00:06:33,602 --> 00:06:35,020

There's nothing to do!

00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:36,188

Tell me about it.

00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:37,189

Hey, I know!

00:06:37,314 --> 00:06:39,316

Let's crank-call people

in the past!

00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:39,983

Huh?

00:06:40,109 --> 00:06:42,736

I just got

the Crank Prank Timephone!

00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:44,446

♪ Crank Prank ♪

00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:46,198

♪ Crank Prank Timephone ♪

00:06:46,323 --> 00:06:49,326

New from Zasbro,

it's Crank Prank Timephone!

00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:51,495

I just dial a random number

on the keypad,

00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:54,623

enter a date and year

on the divilibrator, and...

00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:57,584

Wow! Someone from the past

is on the line!

00:06:57,709 --> 00:07:00,462

Hello.

Is your refrigerator running?

00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:02,297

Well, then you better

go catch it!

00:07:03,674 --> 00:07:05,008

♪ Crank Prank ♪

00:07:05,134 --> 00:07:06,593

♪ Crank Prank Timephone ♪

00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:07,428

What?

00:07:07,553 --> 00:07:10,389

Uh, hi.

It's the year 1973, right?

00:07:10,514 --> 00:07:12,808

Could I speak

with Al Coholic, please?

00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:16,645

Crank Prank Timephone

comes with divilibrator,

00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,147

antimatter fusion cone,

00:07:18,272 --> 00:07:20,607

and 30 Blaine H.F. Watt

triggers.

00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,743

Why didn't anyone tell me

there was a timephone?

00:07:31,869 --> 00:07:33,829

Why does it matter?

Bark, bark.

00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:34,788

Don't you see?

00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:37,416

If I get one of those phones,

I can call myself in the past

00:07:37,541 --> 00:07:39,835

and tell me

not to freeze myself!

00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:44,339

Then I can go back to my time...

and play Nintendo Wii.

00:07:44,465 --> 00:07:47,009

Bark, bark! That phone

is for crank-calling only.

00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:49,470

Using it in the way

you described is illegal.

00:07:49,595 --> 00:07:51,847

I care!

Where's the closest toy store?

00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:55,601

Working. Bark, bark.

The Jarvanian Shopping Complex.

00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:57,478

But it is not open yet.

00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:02,816

Come on.

00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:05,027

Come on!

00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,738

Store is now open.

Welcome!

00:08:07,863 --> 00:08:08,864

Ugh, finally!

00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:10,407

Welcome to Zeebod's Toys.

00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:12,201

I want one of those

timephone things.

00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:14,620

Ah. The Crank Prank Timephone.

Sure.

00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:17,247

Now, I am required by the state

to make sure you know

00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:19,917

this is for prank-calling

the past only, right?

00:08:20,042 --> 00:08:21,585

Yeah, yeah. I'm only gonna

crank-call people.

00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:24,421

All right.

That'll be 6,000 credits.

00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:25,964

6,000 credits?

00:08:26,089 --> 00:08:28,717

What do I look like to you,

a therilium miner?

00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,719

This is a pretty advanced

piece of equipment.

00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:31,845

It's expensive.

00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:34,556

Look, I have to have

one of those phones.

00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,016

Oh, all right.

00:08:36,141 --> 00:08:38,977

Then I have to have

6,000 credits.

00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:43,357

Bark, bark. I'm sorry, Eric.

Bark, bark.

00:08:43,482 --> 00:08:45,234

How about a robot?

How much for the robot?

00:08:45,359 --> 00:08:47,528

- Aww.

- Sorry, kid.

00:08:47,653 --> 00:08:50,239

You're gonna have to crank-call

people in the present.

00:08:50,364 --> 00:08:51,949

Science damn it!

00:08:52,074 --> 00:08:54,034

Wait.

K-10.

00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:56,119

Can you access

this store's sales records?

00:08:56,245 --> 00:08:58,622

Working. Bark, bark.

Accessed.

00:08:58,747 --> 00:09:00,582

I want the name

and address of anybody

00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:02,584

who's bought a timephone

from this guy in the past week.

00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:04,628

Working.

Bark, bark.

00:09:06,838 --> 00:09:09,925

The United Atheist Alliance

has taken the bait!

00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,135

Soon they will

send their ships out

00:09:12,261 --> 00:09:14,221

to destroy

our decoy clam fields.

00:09:14,346 --> 00:09:15,806

And while their ships are away,

00:09:15,931 --> 00:09:18,308

the United Atheist League

intends to attack them.

00:09:18,433 --> 00:09:19,893

Our plan has worked perfectly,

00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:21,853

for when the United

Atheist League

00:09:21,979 --> 00:09:23,897

attacks the United

Atheist Alliance,

00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:26,358

we will charge in

and kill them all!

00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:29,736

Our science, our answer to the

great question shall prevail!

00:09:29,861 --> 00:09:30,988

Hail science!

00:09:31,113 --> 00:09:32,114

Hail science!

00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:33,657

Hail science!

00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:36,952

And I will personally kill

the time child

00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:40,622

and eat his entrails

on my tummy!

00:09:50,132 --> 00:09:51,592

I'll get it, darling.

00:09:51,717 --> 00:09:53,343

Hello?

00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:54,261

Hello?

00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:57,848

Uh, yes. Hello.

I'm calling for Mr. Wall.

00:09:57,973 --> 00:10:00,434

I'm sorry.

There's no Mr. Wall here.

00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:02,269

Oh, is Mrs. Wall there?

00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:04,146

No, there are no Walls here.

00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:05,689

Then how does your roof stay up?

00:10:07,149 --> 00:10:08,275

Oh, I see.

00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:10,402

Is this the Johnson boys

from down the street?

00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:12,362

No.

We're from the future!

00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:13,447

Very funny!

00:10:13,572 --> 00:10:15,032

Hi, I'm a pepper,

and I'm wondering

00:10:15,157 --> 00:10:16,658

if you'd like to be a pepper,

too.

00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,619

God darn you!

00:10:19,995 --> 00:10:21,538

- Yeah!

- That was a great one!

00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:27,711

Hello. I'm with

the cubic waste department.

00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:29,880

I need to check your lortran

for inhubitors.

00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:32,591

Oh.

Okay, I guess.

00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:34,760

Come on in, Bob.

00:10:36,345 --> 00:10:38,597

All right.

Just let me use my tools.

00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:41,683

Hey!

00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,560

Stupid assholes!

00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:45,187

♪ I got your timephone ♪

00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:46,355

Bark, bark!

00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:49,316

Science H. Logic!

What a jerk!

00:10:58,367 --> 00:11:00,952

Silence, otters!

00:11:01,078 --> 00:11:03,080

It's the wise one!

00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:05,749

The wise one speaks!

00:11:06,375 --> 00:11:09,836

This is not the path

we should be taking.

00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:12,589

Will more bloodshed end

anything?

00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:15,592

Wise one, our answer

to the great question

00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:17,469

is the only one

based on good science!

00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:20,138

Science. Reason.

00:11:20,263 --> 00:11:22,474

Is that really all there is?

00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:24,643

They are not a logical race,

wise one!

00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:27,145

They go around

chopping down trees for tables

00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:29,773

when they have perfectly good

tummies to eat on!

00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:31,108

How logical is that?

00:11:31,233 --> 00:11:31,942

Yes!

00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:33,860

The great Dawkins said

we cannot tolerate those

00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:35,237

who don't use reason!

00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:38,490

How reasonable is it to eat

off wood instead of your tummy?

00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:42,202

Well, perhaps the great Dawkins

wasn't so wise.

00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:43,537

Oh, he was intelligent.

00:11:43,662 --> 00:11:47,082

But some of the most intelligent

otters I've ever known

00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:49,459

were completely lacking

in common sense.

00:11:49,584 --> 00:11:54,172

Maybe some otters do need

to believe in something.

00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:55,757

Who knows?

00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:59,928

Maybe just believing in God

makes God exist.

00:12:02,973 --> 00:12:04,474

Kill the wise one!

00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:05,642

Kill the wise one!

00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:07,894

What? No! Wait! Wait!

00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:20,407

Oh, God.

00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:26,496

Hello?

00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,584

Hello?

00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:34,212

- Am I there?

- Who is this?

00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:36,673

There! There! I have me!

All right. All right. Listen.

00:12:36,798 --> 00:12:39,968

Listen to me carefully.

You need to be patient.

00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:42,053

What?

Who the hell is this?!

00:12:42,179 --> 00:12:42,929

It's me!

00:12:43,054 --> 00:12:44,181

Me who?

00:12:44,306 --> 00:12:45,515

Me you!

00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:46,808

What?

00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:47,976

I'm you in the future!

00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:49,102

You have to be patient and wait

00:12:49,227 --> 00:12:50,687

for the Nintendo Wii

to come out,

00:12:50,812 --> 00:12:51,938

or else you'll wake up

in the future

00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:53,523

and have to deal

with a bunch of sea otters!

00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:54,941

Oh, very funny, Kyle!

00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,443

It's not Kyle!

It's you!

00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:58,445

Yeah? Well, you can

go yourself.

00:12:58,570 --> 00:13:00,572

I'm trying to do you a favor,

dumb-ass!

00:13:00,697 --> 00:13:01,698

Just listen to me!

00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:02,824

Listen to this!

00:13:04,785 --> 00:13:06,661

Dickhead.

00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:12,834

What an asshole!

00:13:16,546 --> 00:13:18,006

Hello?

00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,008

Butters! Butters!

00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,052

Eric?

Is that you?

00:13:22,177 --> 00:13:23,428

Butters!

Butters, listen to me!

00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:24,471

J-Just listen.

00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:26,223

I'm about to come over

to your house

00:13:26,348 --> 00:13:28,058

and ask you to help me

freeze myself.

00:13:28,183 --> 00:13:29,434

Do not do it!

00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:33,146

Eric, are you playing

a joke on me again?

00:13:33,271 --> 00:13:34,606

No!

This is not a joke!

00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:37,400

Whatever I say to you, Butters,

no matter how hard I try,

00:13:37,526 --> 00:13:39,653

do not do what I tell you.

00:13:39,778 --> 00:13:43,573

But --

But you're here right now!

00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:46,159

Butters! Come on!

We got to go!

00:13:46,284 --> 00:13:48,912

No! Don't listen to me!

Tell me to go screw myself!

00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:49,788

Huh?

00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:51,540

Come on, Butters!

It's gonna get dark!

00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:54,543

But you're telling me

not to go with you.

00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,044

What?

00:13:56,711 --> 00:13:58,255

Who the is this?!

00:13:58,380 --> 00:13:59,965

Aw, damn it.

Just listen to me!

00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:02,259

If you freeze yourself,

you are going to die!

00:14:02,384 --> 00:14:03,343

Suck my balls!

00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:04,803

No, you suck my balls!

00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:06,638

Just listen to me

for one minute!

00:14:06,763 --> 00:14:08,557

Okay.

You have one minute.

00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:10,225

Right before you left

for Butters' house,

00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,602

you drank a bunch of Ovaltine

and put Clyde Frog in the closet

00:14:12,727 --> 00:14:14,354

so nothing would happen to him,

right?

00:14:15,272 --> 00:14:16,523

Are you spying on me?

00:14:16,648 --> 00:14:18,650

No, I am you,

you stupid asshole!

00:14:18,775 --> 00:14:20,944

- you, asshole.

- You can go yourself.

00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:22,946

Come on, Butters.

We're going.

00:14:23,071 --> 00:14:24,698

Oh, all right, then.

00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,617

God, I hate that guy!

00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:30,203

My friends, the time has come.

00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:33,540

May science give us the courage

to do what we must.

00:14:33,665 --> 00:14:36,334

Launch all defensive ships

to sector J-7.

00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:38,837

Take out

the otters' clam fields!

00:14:42,924 --> 00:14:46,219

Sir, the United Atheist Alliance

has sent out all their ships.

00:14:46,344 --> 00:14:48,680

Their capital is

now unprotected.

00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:54,144

Then begin the attack.

Science be praised.

00:15:02,152 --> 00:15:06,323

Kill the table-eaters

in the name of almighty science!

00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:15,874

Hello?

00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:18,001

Hello? Kyle?

00:15:18,126 --> 00:15:18,835

Hello?

00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,378

Yes.

Hello, Kyle.

00:15:20,503 --> 00:15:22,339

It's Eric.

Uh, how's it going?

00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:23,840

What do you want?

00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:26,092

Kyle, you are the smartest guy

I know,

00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:28,011

so I think maybe you're

the only person

00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:29,137

who can understand this.

00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:30,263

You know how earlier today,

00:15:30,388 --> 00:15:31,890

I asked you

to help me freeze myself?

00:15:32,015 --> 00:15:33,767

I'm not going to help you

freeze yourself, Cartman.

00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:34,893

It's a stupid idea.

00:15:35,018 --> 00:15:37,145

No, see, I know

it's a stupid idea,

00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:39,564

because I actually did

freeze myself.

00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:41,191

And you were right, Kyle.

00:15:41,316 --> 00:15:43,944

It -- It backfired, and I was

frozen for 500 years,

00:15:44,069 --> 00:15:46,404

and now I'm calling you

from the future.

00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:49,449

Uh-huh.

00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:51,242

No, really, Kyle,

I'm -- I'm seriously.

00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:52,911

Here.

Talk to my robot dog.

00:15:53,036 --> 00:15:56,456

Bark, bark.

Hello, Kyle. Bark, bark.

00:15:58,208 --> 00:15:59,709

I'm hanging up now.

00:15:59,834 --> 00:16:01,044

No!

Kyle, listen, please!

00:16:01,169 --> 00:16:03,421

I think right about now,

I'm in my mom's freezer.

00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:05,256

Suck my balls, fat-ass.

00:16:05,382 --> 00:16:08,259

I will.

I will suck your balls, Kyle.

00:16:08,385 --> 00:16:10,261

Just stop me

from freezing myself,

00:16:10,387 --> 00:16:13,682

and I will get down on my knees,

and I will suck your balls.

00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:15,809

I'll suck 'em dry, Kyle.

00:16:15,934 --> 00:16:18,019

Aw, God damn it!

00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:19,354

Now you've made me miss my ride!

00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:22,190

My whole day is screwed up

because of you!

00:16:23,233 --> 00:16:24,192

Kyle!

00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:25,360

Kyle!

00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:28,196

Eric, I really think you should

stop calling the past.

00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:29,656

You could change the present.

00:16:29,781 --> 00:16:32,283

Well, I don't notice anything

different, Kit-9, do you?

00:16:32,409 --> 00:16:35,328

I guess not.

Meow, meow.

00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:37,998

Hmm.

I see.

00:16:39,249 --> 00:16:41,710

- Ugh!

- Meow, meow!

00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:46,840

- Aah!

- Meow, meow!

00:16:52,387 --> 00:16:53,304

- Aah!

- Meow, meow!

00:16:53,430 --> 00:16:56,016

- T.C., we're under attack!

- By who?

00:16:56,141 --> 00:16:58,435

We have to get to the war room!

It's the only safe place!

00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:04,441

The United Atheist League

is bombing the city!

00:17:04,566 --> 00:17:05,942

We're defenseless!

00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:07,110

This is terrible!

00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:08,319

I'm gonna die in the future

00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:10,071

without ever playing

Nintendo Wii?!

00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,907

Sir, the sea otters

are advancing.

00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:14,743

They've broken through

the east portal!

00:17:20,749 --> 00:17:23,209

What?!

Three-way fun-chat on screen!

00:17:24,169 --> 00:17:26,713

What are you otters doing?

This is our attack!

00:17:26,838 --> 00:17:29,007

Yes, and we are attacking

both of you!

00:17:29,132 --> 00:17:31,301

You fools!

This will be the end of us all!

00:17:31,426 --> 00:17:33,762

Then accept our answer

to the great question,

00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:35,263

and we will withdraw!

00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,891

Your answer to the great

question is illogical!

00:17:38,016 --> 00:17:39,684

What is the great question?

00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:42,437

What atheists should call

themselves.

00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:46,566

Unified Atheist League

is the most logical name!

00:17:46,691 --> 00:17:49,569

United Atheist Alliance

makes more sense!

00:17:49,694 --> 00:17:52,030

No!

Allied Atheist Alliance!

00:17:52,155 --> 00:17:53,531

That way it has three A's!

00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:55,325

That is the logical choice!

00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:57,911

So be it.

We cannot agree.

00:17:58,036 --> 00:17:58,953

Prepare to die.

00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:01,581

Virad missiles launched, sir!

00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:03,124

I have to get out of here!

00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:04,584

Why is everyone in my past

so stupid

00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:06,377

that they think

I'm crank-calling them?!

00:18:06,503 --> 00:18:07,587

But, Eric, meow, meow,

00:18:07,712 --> 00:18:10,381

you knew the wife of the

smartest man in all of history.

00:18:10,507 --> 00:18:11,466

Who?

00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:14,052

Your teacher,

the one called Garrison.

00:18:14,177 --> 00:18:16,346

Garrison?

But he's an asshole!

00:18:20,183 --> 00:18:23,311

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I'm a monkey!

00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,396

Give this monkey what she wants!

00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:27,148

Oh, Ms. Garrison!

00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:28,441

Damn it!

00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:29,734

Who the hell is calling?

00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:31,778

I'll tell them to call you back.

00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:37,117

Garrison residence.

Can you call back later, please?

00:18:37,242 --> 00:18:39,786

It's an emergency!

It's an emergency!

00:18:39,911 --> 00:18:41,121

An emergency?

00:18:41,246 --> 00:18:43,706

I need to speak

with Mr. Garrison right now!

00:18:43,832 --> 00:18:46,459

I'm sorry, but Mr. Garrison

has passed away.

00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:48,670

Mrs. Garrison is

the only person here,

00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,922

and she's rather tied up

at the moment.

00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:52,841

Look, asshole!

This is a real emergency!

00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:54,759

Just pass the phone

to whatever Garrison

00:18:54,884 --> 00:18:57,262

wants to call himself

since the sex-change operation!

00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:00,598

Sex-change operation?!

00:19:00,723 --> 00:19:02,100

Uh-oh.

00:19:02,225 --> 00:19:05,311

Ohh!

You're a man?!

00:19:05,436 --> 00:19:07,438

Not anymore!

I've been fixed!

00:19:07,564 --> 00:19:09,566

Richard, hold on!

I can explain!

00:19:09,691 --> 00:19:13,236

Explain?!

How could I be so stupid?!

00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:16,531

Richard, come back, please!

00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:20,451

Well, go ahead and leave,

you atheist faggot!

00:19:20,577 --> 00:19:24,289

Have fun mocking God in hell,

you queer!

00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:26,875

Mr. Garrison?

Mr. Garrison?

00:19:32,463 --> 00:19:34,966

All right, Eric.

Are you all set to go?

00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:37,302

Go?

00:19:37,427 --> 00:19:39,387

Right.

Where am I going?

00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:40,471

We told you.

00:19:40,597 --> 00:19:41,764

We're sending you home

00:19:41,890 --> 00:19:43,641

with the Crank-'n'-Wank

Time Machine.

00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:45,268

Don't worry, my son.

00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:46,394

When you return to your time,

00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,188

you will merge

with your other self.

00:19:48,313 --> 00:19:49,731

It's all very Zen.

00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:51,065

Wait.

00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:53,359

Isn't everybody at war

over atheism?

00:19:53,985 --> 00:19:55,403

Atheism?

No.

00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:58,281

We've learned to get rid

of all the isms in our time.

00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:00,366

Yes, long ago we realized

00:20:00,491 --> 00:20:02,869

isms are great

for those who are rational.

00:20:02,994 --> 00:20:05,288

But in the hands

of irrational people,

00:20:05,413 --> 00:20:07,540

isms always lead to violence.

00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:10,043

So there is no war

now in the future?

00:20:10,168 --> 00:20:11,377

Of course there's war!

00:20:11,502 --> 00:20:14,297

The stupid French-Chinese think

they have a right to Hawaii!

00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:15,423

Yeah!

00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:19,010

But now the moment has come

to send you back to your time.

00:20:20,345 --> 00:20:22,263

We unfroze you for a purpose,

00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:24,682

and now that purpose

is fulfilled.

00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:26,100

And what was that purpose again?

00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:28,311

We explained that to you

already.

00:20:28,436 --> 00:20:29,520

Right.

00:20:29,646 --> 00:20:32,482

Goodbye, Eric. I will miss you.

Squawk, squawk.

00:20:32,607 --> 00:20:34,651

I'll miss you, too, Cocka-3.

00:20:34,776 --> 00:20:37,695

So long, Eric, and tell everyone

in the past for us

00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:41,157

that no one single answer

is ever the answer.

00:20:45,370 --> 00:20:47,080

Hey!

00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:49,207

I'm back.

00:20:49,332 --> 00:20:51,167

Wow!

I'm back!

00:20:51,292 --> 00:20:52,794

There you are, Eric!

00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:54,963

Mom!

Mom, they did it!

00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:56,547

Eric, you have to come home.

00:20:56,673 --> 00:20:58,800

You can't just wait here

for that game to come out.

00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:00,802

No, I know.

You're right, Mom.

00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:03,054

I need to learn to be patient.

00:21:03,179 --> 00:21:06,683

I think I can wait three weeks

for Nintendo Wii to come out.

00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:08,476

But, honey, it's only September.

00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:12,021

The Nintendo Wii

doesn't come out for two months.

00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:13,606

What?

00:21:13,731 --> 00:21:14,941

No!

00:21:15,692 --> 00:21:16,734

No!

00:21:16,859 --> 00:21:18,653

You sent me back too far!

00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:20,029

Hey!

Do it over!

00:21:20,154 --> 00:21:21,698

Who are you talking to, muffin?

00:21:21,823 --> 00:21:23,908

I can't wait two months!

I can't!

00:21:24,033 --> 00:21:25,368

There has to be a way

around this!

00:21:25,493 --> 00:21:29,080

Hey, kid,

somebody's on the phone for you.

00:21:29,664 --> 00:21:30,748

Hello?

00:21:30,873 --> 00:21:33,334

Hello? Hello?!

00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:36,796

I know what you're thinking.

Do not do it!

00:21:36,921 --> 00:21:39,465

You just need to be patient

and wait the two months!

00:21:39,590 --> 00:21:40,591

Do you hear me?!

00:21:42,135 --> 00:21:44,637

Oh, suck my balls, Kyle.

00:00:30,301 --> 00:00:34,973

Перевод - Eltaron

00:00:34,973 --> 00:00:36,128

Шел год 2006, и юный Эрик Картман не мог

дождаться выхода новой приставки Nintendo Wii

Перевод - Eltaron

00:00:36,128 --> 00:00:39,253

Шел год 2006, и юный Эрик Картман не мог

дождаться выхода новой приставки Nintendo Wii

00:00:39,253 --> 00:00:44,743

Не способный больше ждать, Эрик решил заморозить

себя на оставшиеся до выхода три недели

00:00:44,743 --> 00:00:53,683

Но сошедшая лавина накрыла Эрика, и он оставался

замороженным целых 500 лет

00:01:52,626 --> 00:01:54,816

Эй, осторожно!

00:01:54,816 --> 00:01:56,466

Сюда, все!

00:01:59,676 --> 00:02:02,276

Вот он, Нью-Нью-Хэмпшир

00:02:02,276 --> 00:02:06,586

Мы очень рискуем, приведя тебя сюдя, Дитя Времени.

00:02:07,446 --> 00:02:11,686

Выдры, вы, конечно, сильно эволюционировали и можете

разговаривать, но мне не нужны лекции

00:02:12,766 --> 00:02:15,946

Не выпускайте Дитя Времени из поля зрения.

Он может попытаться сбежать.

00:02:16,156 --> 00:02:20,616

У нас сделка, Блэвис, так что пока я получаю

то, что хочу, можете не беспокоиться

00:02:23,496 --> 00:02:25,166

Что-то беспокоит страусов

00:02:25,906 --> 00:02:30,116

Конечно. Это земли Монарха. Скорей всего,

шпионы Джарвиса повсюду.

00:02:30,116 --> 00:02:31,866

Вот оно! Мы пришли

00:02:31,866 --> 00:02:32,306

Стоп!

Вот оно! Мы пришли

00:02:32,306 --> 00:02:32,756

Стоп!

00:02:32,756 --> 00:02:33,926

Вот оно, Дитя Времени!

00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:37,466

Древний политехнический музей, закрытый давным-давно

00:02:38,346 --> 00:02:41,596

Дитя Времени, давай найдем то, что тебе нужно

и уйдем отсюда

00:02:46,916 --> 00:02:47,976

Вот она!

00:02:49,716 --> 00:02:53,316

Да, она здесь, она здесь! Nintendo Wii...

00:02:54,946 --> 00:02:57,196

Я так долго этого ждал...

00:02:59,396 --> 00:03:01,796

Все в порядке, Дитя Времени,

мы выполнили нашу часть сделки.

00:03:01,796 --> 00:03:03,246

Теперь ты вернешься с нами в Бухту Выдр.

00:03:03,456 --> 00:03:06,666

Извини, Блэвис, у меня другие планы!

00:03:07,496 --> 00:03:08,646

Нееееееет!

00:03:08,646 --> 00:03:10,066

Нас надули!

00:03:10,066 --> 00:03:12,546

Наука тебя подери, Дитя Времени!!!

00:03:15,676 --> 00:03:17,786

Я достал ее! Я достал Nintendo!

00:03:17,786 --> 00:03:19,716

Дитя Времени! ты вернулся!

00:03:19,796 --> 00:03:22,306

Мы были уверены, что ты погиб.

00:03:22,686 --> 00:03:26,276

К счастью для меня, выдры поверили,

что я на их стороне.

00:03:26,276 --> 00:03:30,726

Сделайте мне одолжение: я сейчас иду в комнату отдыха,

так что не беспокойте меня.

00:03:31,816 --> 00:03:33,816

Дитя Времени, постой!

00:03:35,066 --> 00:03:37,646

Не могу дождаться! Это должно быть потрясно!

00:03:37,646 --> 00:03:39,026

С дороги!

00:03:39,026 --> 00:03:43,446

Ты втерся в доверие к выдрам? Где ты носишь

информационный кристалл?

00:03:43,446 --> 00:03:44,326

Здесь.

00:03:44,606 --> 00:03:47,946

Наука будет благодарна. Это может остановить войну!

00:03:47,946 --> 00:03:49,126

Ты сделал прекрасную вещь, Дитя Времени.

00:03:49,496 --> 00:03:50,786

Как можем мы расплатиться с тобой?

00:03:51,456 --> 00:03:53,146

Просто пришлите техника в мою комнату.

00:03:53,146 --> 00:03:56,046

Я хочу, чтобы приставку подключили к моему экрану немедленно!

00:03:57,746 --> 00:04:02,866

Ну давай же, давай! Чувак, не тяни резину!

Я хочу играть!

00:04:02,866 --> 00:04:05,266

Хмм, а какой видеовыход у этой приставки?

00:04:05,346 --> 00:04:10,646

Это похоже на какой-то древний S-VHS или что-то в этом духе.

Я не смогу подключить его к нашим экранам.

00:04:11,766 --> 00:04:14,686

Но должен быть способ! Это же чертово будущее!

00:04:15,116 --> 00:04:18,456

Для тебя это, может, и будущее, а я не могу

подключить к экрану технику

00:04:18,456 --> 00:04:20,486

только с выходом laser-7 или лучше

00:04:20,776 --> 00:04:26,156

Ты задолбал меня! Сраная наука!

Как меня бесит ваше сраное будущее!

00:04:26,536 --> 00:04:28,366

Дитя Времени, что случилось?

00:04:28,586 --> 00:04:32,986

Я скажу тебе, что случилось! Я ждал 500 лет,

чтоб поиграть в Nintendo Wii!

00:04:32,986 --> 00:04:35,796

И если я не поиграю в нее в ближайшее время,

я разобью кому-нибудь голову!

00:04:35,956 --> 00:04:37,616

Ну, мы очень рады, что ты вернулся.

00:04:37,616 --> 00:04:41,756

Я знаю, кто-то очень скучал по тебе.

Заходи, K-10.

00:04:42,446 --> 00:04:45,716

Гав гав. Привет, Эрик.

Я скучал по тебе.

00:04:45,766 --> 00:04:48,676

Иди в жопу, K-10. Я не в настроении.

00:04:50,056 --> 00:04:55,936

Товарищи атеисты! Дитя Времени вернулось с

информацией о наших кровных врагах,

00:04:55,976 --> 00:04:58,316

атеистах из Альянса.

00:04:58,316 --> 00:05:01,236

Они засели в секторе J7.

00:05:01,536 --> 00:05:05,656

Если мы соберем все силы,

мы сможем захватить их плодородные поля!

00:05:06,656 --> 00:05:08,326

Но, там есть мирные выдры.

00:05:08,606 --> 00:05:11,916

Наплевать на выдр! Их наука лжива!

00:05:11,916 --> 00:05:14,876

Их ответ на Великий Вопрос не похож на наш.

00:05:15,146 --> 00:05:20,296

Да, но.. если мы отправим все наши корабли,

мы оставим наши города без защиты.

00:05:21,076 --> 00:05:26,216

Вот поэтому вы должны быть абсолютно уверены,

что никто не знает о наших планах.

00:05:28,976 --> 00:05:32,746

Объединенная Лига Атеистов готовится послать

все свои корабли

00:05:32,746 --> 00:05:34,726

чтобы захватить плодородные поля выдр-атеистов.

00:05:35,226 --> 00:05:40,096

Слава науке. Это наш шанс, юный Швек, чтоб отомстить

за смерть твоего отца.

00:05:40,096 --> 00:05:44,946

Будь осторожен, сын. То, что их Наука дает им

другой ответ на Великий Вопрос

00:05:44,946 --> 00:05:47,316

еще не значит, что у нас есть право убить их всех.

00:05:47,316 --> 00:05:52,786

Нет! Наш ответ на Великий Вопрос - единственный!

Наша Наука велика!

00:05:53,446 --> 00:05:57,666

Давай не будем забывать великого Ричарда Доукинса,

который давным-давно окончательно очистил мир от религии

00:05:58,266 --> 00:06:00,796

Доукинс знал, что логика и разум - это сила будущего.

00:06:01,306 --> 00:06:07,386

Но это было до того, как он встретил свою прекрасную

жену и понял, что одних лишь логики и разума недостаточно.

00:06:08,096 --> 00:06:12,016

Мы должны быть тверды с теми, кто не думает так, как мы.

00:06:12,536 --> 00:06:18,766

Подготовить все наши войска! Мы сравняем Альянс с землей!

00:06:19,596 --> 00:06:24,606

С новым очистителем манды ваша манда засияет, как накогда раньше.

00:06:24,946 --> 00:06:27,156

Моя манда никогда не была такой чистой.

00:06:27,876 --> 00:06:31,246

Господи, ненавижу телевизор!

Сплошная реклама!

00:06:32,366 --> 00:06:33,866

Ааа... как мне скучно...

00:06:33,866 --> 00:06:35,076

Совершенно нечем заняться.

00:06:35,426 --> 00:06:36,536

И не говори...

00:06:36,626 --> 00:06:40,086

О, я знаю! Давайте прикалываться над людьми в прошлом!

00:06:40,546 --> 00:06:41,366

У меня есть

00:06:41,366 --> 00:06:43,296

Телефон временнОго хулигана!

00:06:46,346 --> 00:06:49,616

Новинка из Бласбро, телефон временного хулигана.

00:06:49,616 --> 00:06:55,156

Я просто набираю случайный номер, ввожу дату и время, и...

00:06:55,156 --> 00:06:58,296

Вау! Кто-то из прошлого на проводе!

00:06:58,296 --> 00:07:01,226

Алло? У вас идут часы?

00:07:01,226 --> 00:07:02,776

Ну тогда бегите, ловите их!

00:07:06,986 --> 00:07:07,526

Что?

00:07:07,616 --> 00:07:10,486

Эмм, привет. Это же 1973й год, правда?

00:07:10,826 --> 00:07:14,426

Могу я поговорить с Ал Каголиком?

00:07:14,456 --> 00:07:17,066

Телефон временнОго хулигана поставляется

вместе с дебилибратором

00:07:17,066 --> 00:07:20,706

коническим уничтожителем антивещества

и 30 плоскими полуваттными триггерами!

00:07:20,746 --> 00:07:23,376

Внимание! Телефон временнОго хулигана предназначен

только для развлечений.

00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:26,896

Любые другие звонки, кроме пранков, могут повлиять на

окружающую действительность и, в итоге, на ваше существование

00:07:26,896 --> 00:07:28,926

Телефон временного хулигана не предназначен для использования выдрами.

00:07:30,006 --> 00:07:32,216

Почему никто не говорил мне, что здесь есть временнОй телефон?

00:07:32,216 --> 00:07:34,066

А разве это важно? Гав-Гав.

00:07:34,066 --> 00:07:40,676

Ты что, не видел? Если я возьму такой телефон, то смогу позвонить

в прошлое и не дать мне заморозить себя.

00:07:40,676 --> 00:07:44,396

Затем, я смогу вернуться в свое время и поиграть в Nintendo Wii

00:07:44,456 --> 00:07:49,526

Гав гав. Эта штука только для хулиганства.

То, что ты описал незаконно.

00:07:49,816 --> 00:07:51,946

Знаю! Где ближайший магазин игрушек?

00:07:52,336 --> 00:07:57,536

Думаю, гав гав... Он в Ярванском торговый центр.

Но тот еще не открылся.

00:08:01,966 --> 00:08:05,086

Давай, давай!

00:08:05,526 --> 00:08:07,836

Магазин открывается...

Добро пожаловать!

00:08:08,486 --> 00:08:08,926

Ура, наконец-то!

00:08:09,106 --> 00:08:10,886

Рады вас видеть в "Игрушках Зибода"

00:08:10,886 --> 00:08:12,296

Я хочу временной телефон!

00:08:12,506 --> 00:08:15,036

Ааа, телефон временного хулигана. Конечно.

00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:20,016

Я обязан вас предупредить, что он должен использоваться

только для хулиганства, вы понимаете?

00:08:20,316 --> 00:08:21,686

Да-да, я просто собираюсь приколоться.

00:08:22,266 --> 00:08:24,526

Отлично, он стоит всего 6000 кредов.

00:08:24,836 --> 00:08:28,816

Шесть тысяч кредов! Кто я по вашему?! Туриллианский шахтер?

00:08:29,086 --> 00:08:31,946

Это отличная вещь. Она должна быть дорогой!

00:08:31,986 --> 00:08:34,616

Но мне нужен, очень нужен такой телефон!

00:08:35,206 --> 00:08:39,036

Замечательно, ну а мне очень нужны 6000 кредов.

00:08:40,076 --> 00:08:43,756

Гав-гав, мне очень жаль, Эрик, гав-гав.

00:08:43,756 --> 00:08:46,636

How about a robot? How much for the robot?

Как насчет робота? Почем возьмете робота?

00:08:47,166 --> 00:08:50,336

Прости, дитя, но тебе придется довольствоваться звонками современникам.

00:08:50,896 --> 00:08:52,586

Сраная наука!

00:08:52,586 --> 00:08:56,446

Погоди! K-10, ты можешь получить доступ к журналу регистрации продаж?

00:08:56,446 --> 00:08:59,336

Думаю, гав-гав... Доступ получен.

00:08:59,336 --> 00:09:03,016

Я хочу имя и адрес кого-нибудь, кто купил временной

телефон на прошлой неделе.

00:09:03,016 --> 00:09:04,726

Думаю, гав-гав.

00:09:07,426 --> 00:09:10,136

Атеисты из Альянса заглотили наживку!

00:09:10,136 --> 00:09:14,326

Скоро они пришлют все свои корабли чтобы уничтожить плодородные поля.

00:09:14,726 --> 00:09:18,446

А пока их корабли отсутствуют, Лига атакует их города!

00:09:18,696 --> 00:09:20,756

Наш план сработал превосходно!

00:09:20,756 --> 00:09:27,026

А когда Лига атеистов нападет на Альянс, мы подключимся и уничтожим всех!

00:09:27,026 --> 00:09:29,796

Наша Наука, наш ответ на Великий Вопрос победят!

00:09:30,066 --> 00:09:33,756

Слава Науке! Слава Науке! Слава Науке!

00:09:34,196 --> 00:09:41,636

И я лично убью Дитя Времени и сожру его кишки!

00:09:50,478 --> 00:09:52,018

Я возьму, дорогая.

00:09:52,018 --> 00:09:54,228

Алло? Алло?

00:09:54,798 --> 00:09:57,818

Алло? Могу я поговорить с мистером Стенкой?

00:09:58,398 --> 00:10:00,408

Извините, но здесь нет мистера Стенки.

00:10:00,698 --> 00:10:02,238

Ой, а можно тогда миссис Стенку?

00:10:02,278 --> 00:10:04,158

Нет, здесь вообще нет Стенок.

00:10:04,368 --> 00:10:06,038

А как тогда держится ваша крыша?

00:10:07,158 --> 00:10:10,368

А, я догадался! Это братья Джонсон с нашей улицы?

00:10:10,868 --> 00:10:12,418

Нет, мы из будущего.

00:10:12,578 --> 00:10:13,378

Очень смешно!

00:10:13,918 --> 00:10:16,588

Эй, здрасьте, Я Перец, и, думаю, вы тоже не прочь задать перцу?

(игра слов)

00:10:16,958 --> 00:10:18,588

Черт вас побери!

00:10:20,628 --> 00:10:22,598

Это было классно!

00:10:25,848 --> 00:10:29,808

Привет, я сантехник и мне нужно проверить ваши трубы.

00:10:30,808 --> 00:10:32,558

Аа... Ну, проходите.

00:10:33,098 --> 00:10:35,798

Заходи, Боб.

00:10:36,478 --> 00:10:38,688

Так, сейчас я достану инструменты...

00:10:41,948 --> 00:10:45,198

Ха-ха! Тупые придурки! Я добрался до вашего телефона!

00:10:46,278 --> 00:10:49,288

О, святая наука! Обвел как сопляков!

00:10:58,528 --> 00:11:00,968

Тихо, выдры!

00:11:01,808 --> 00:11:05,758

Это Мудрейший! Мудрейший говорит!

00:11:06,608 --> 00:11:12,558

Это не тот путь, по которому мы должны пойти.

Разве кровопролитие решит что-нибудь?

00:11:13,438 --> 00:11:17,358

Но Мудрейший, только наш ответ на Великий Вопрос

основан на истинной науке

00:11:17,898 --> 00:11:22,488

Наука, разум, разве они еще остались?

00:11:22,738 --> 00:11:24,868

Но они низшая, нелогичная раса, о Мудрейший!

00:11:24,868 --> 00:11:29,908

Они рубят деревья и делают из них столы, хотя могут

есть прямо на животе, как мы.

00:11:29,908 --> 00:11:31,118

Разве это логично?

00:11:31,328 --> 00:11:31,798

Да!

00:11:31,798 --> 00:11:35,248

Великий Доукинс сказал, что мы не должны терпеть тех,

кто не использует разум!

00:11:35,248 --> 00:11:38,458

А разве ж разумно есть с дерева, если можно с живота?

00:11:38,958 --> 00:11:42,368

Что ж, возможно, великий Доукинс не был так уж мудр.

00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:47,128

Нет, конечно, он был одним из умнейших людей,

00:11:47,128 --> 00:11:49,388

но многим умнейшим недостает чувствительности.

00:11:50,658 --> 00:11:54,598

Может быть, некоторым выдрам все-таки нужно верить во что-нибудь?

00:11:54,598 --> 00:11:55,918

Кто знает...

00:11:55,918 --> 00:11:59,898

Может быть, простая вера в Бога делает Бога реальным?

00:12:03,318 --> 00:12:05,608

Убьем Мудрейшего!

00:12:05,838 --> 00:12:07,708

Эй, постойте!

00:12:18,618 --> 00:12:20,758

Господи!

00:12:25,798 --> 00:12:27,918

Алло?

00:12:29,738 --> 00:12:30,928

Алло?

00:12:32,658 --> 00:12:33,418

Эй, кто там?

00:12:33,418 --> 00:12:34,518

Кто это?

00:12:34,518 --> 00:12:36,118

Отлично, я связался с собой.

00:12:36,118 --> 00:12:39,978

Хорошо, хорошо, слушай! Слушай меня внимательно!

Наберись терпения!

00:12:40,248 --> 00:12:42,018

Что?? Что, черт возьми, происходит?!

00:12:42,228 --> 00:12:42,938

Это я.

00:12:43,528 --> 00:12:44,148

Я кто?!

00:12:44,738 --> 00:12:45,398

Я ты!

00:12:46,278 --> 00:12:46,738

Что?!

00:12:46,968 --> 00:12:48,118

Я - это ты из будущего!

00:12:48,118 --> 00:12:50,718

Ты должен набраться терпения и дождаться

выхода Nintendo Wii,

00:12:50,718 --> 00:12:53,578

или же однажды ты проснешься в будущем

и будешь заключать сделку со стаей выдр!

00:12:53,698 --> 00:12:54,908

Очень смешно, Кайл!

00:12:55,118 --> 00:12:56,458

Это не Кайл, это ты!

00:12:56,748 --> 00:12:58,418

Да? Можешь пойти и трахнуть себя в жопу!

00:12:58,748 --> 00:13:01,668

Я пытаюсь помочь тебе, тупица! Просто послушай меня!

00:13:01,918 --> 00:13:02,958

Послушай это!

00:13:04,768 --> 00:13:06,478

Членосос.

00:13:10,988 --> 00:13:12,718

Ну и говнюк!

00:13:16,558 --> 00:13:18,128

Алло?

00:13:18,808 --> 00:13:20,398

Баттерc! Баттерс!

00:13:20,398 --> 00:13:22,228

Эрик? Это ты?

00:13:22,228 --> 00:13:24,788

Баттерс, Баттерс! Выслушай меня! Просто выслушай.

00:13:24,788 --> 00:13:29,408

Я собираюсь прийти к тебе домой и попросить помочь заморозить себя.

Не соглашайся, не делай этого!

00:13:31,088 --> 00:13:33,118

Эрик, ты снова хочешь подшутить надо мной?

00:13:33,348 --> 00:13:34,858

Нет! Это не шутка!

00:13:34,858 --> 00:13:39,668

Что бы я ни говорил, как бы ни старался, не делай! Что бы я ни говорил!

00:13:40,418 --> 00:13:41,668

Но...

00:13:41,668 --> 00:13:44,418

Но ты здесь прямо сейчас.

00:13:44,418 --> 00:13:46,128

Баттерс! Выходи, нам нужно идти!

00:13:46,398 --> 00:13:48,928

Нет, не слушай меня!

Скажи мне, чтоб трахал себя в задницу!

00:13:49,868 --> 00:13:51,908

Пойдем, Баттерс! Темнеет.

00:13:51,908 --> 00:13:54,888

Но ты сказал мне не идти с тобой.

00:13:54,888 --> 00:13:57,228

Что??

00:13:57,228 --> 00:13:58,448

Что, черт возьми, это?!

00:13:58,448 --> 00:14:02,228

Аа, черт, просто выслушай меня! Если ты заморозишь себя, то умрешь!

00:14:02,308 --> 00:14:03,308

Поцелуй мои яйца!

00:14:03,438 --> 00:14:06,608

Нет, это ты целуй мои яйца! Просто послушай меня одну минуту!

00:14:07,358 --> 00:14:08,568

ОК, у тебя минута.

00:14:09,108 --> 00:14:14,328

Прямо перед тем, как ты пошел к Баттерсу, ты выпил кружку какао и спрятал

лягушонка Клойда так, чтобы с ним ничего не произошло, я прав?

00:14:15,408 --> 00:14:16,488

Ты шпионил за мной?!

00:14:16,698 --> 00:14:18,658

Нет, я - это ты, тупая задница!

00:14:18,828 --> 00:14:21,418

Иди в жопу, говнюк! Иди и трахни себя жопу!

00:14:21,418 --> 00:14:23,538

Давай, Баттерс, мы выходим!

00:14:23,538 --> 00:14:24,628

Ээээ, ладно, сейчас.

00:14:25,588 --> 00:14:27,458

О Боже, я ненавижу этого идиота!

00:14:28,258 --> 00:14:30,298

Друзья мои, время пришло!

00:14:30,298 --> 00:14:33,508

Наука, дай нам отвагу сделать то, что мы должны!

00:14:33,818 --> 00:14:36,618

Отправить все корабли в сектор J7!

00:14:36,618 --> 00:14:38,768

Захватим плодородные поля выдр!

00:14:42,908 --> 00:14:48,568

Сэр! Альянс отправил все свои корабли. Их столица осталась без защиты.

00:14:49,778 --> 00:14:54,118

Начинаем атаку! Храни нас Наука!

00:15:02,158 --> 00:15:08,238

Убьем столоедов! Во имя Всесильной Науки!

00:15:15,008 --> 00:15:16,488

Алло?

00:15:16,488 --> 00:15:18,308

Алло! Кайл?

00:15:18,308 --> 00:15:18,848

Да?

00:15:19,178 --> 00:15:22,348

Привет, Кайлл! Это Эрик. Как дела?

00:15:22,848 --> 00:15:23,808

Чего ты хочешь?!

00:15:24,438 --> 00:15:29,308

Кайл, ты самый умный из тех, кого я знаю, и я думаю, что

ты единственный, кто сможет понять...

00:15:29,308 --> 00:15:31,858

Ты помнишь, как недавно я просил тебя помочь заморозиться?

00:15:31,988 --> 00:15:34,858

Я не собираюсь помогать тебе, Картман! Это дурацкая идея!

00:15:35,318 --> 00:15:40,618

Нет, стой, я знаю, что это дурацкая идея.

Потому что я на самом деле заморозил себя, и...

00:15:40,618 --> 00:15:41,788

ты был прав, Кайл,

00:15:41,788 --> 00:15:46,288

что-то случилось, и я был заморожен 500 лет, и теперь

звоню тебе из будущего.

00:15:49,548 --> 00:15:53,058

Нет, Кайл, я серьезно! Вот, поговори с моей робособакой.

00:15:53,058 --> 00:15:56,388

Гав-гав. Привет, Кайл. Гав-гав.

00:15:58,348 --> 00:15:59,638

Я вешаю трубку.

00:15:59,758 --> 00:16:03,388

Нет, Кайл, послушай! Пожалуйста! Я в морозилке своей мамы.

00:16:03,758 --> 00:16:05,228

Поцелуй мои яйца, жирдяй.

00:16:05,768 --> 00:16:08,478

Я... Я поцелую твои яйца, Кайл!

00:16:08,478 --> 00:16:13,798

Просто не дай не заморозить себя, и я паду на колени и поцелую тебе яйца.

00:16:13,798 --> 00:16:15,738

Я тебе их зацелую досуха, Кайл!

00:16:17,328 --> 00:16:22,198

Аа, черт побери, сейчас я из-за тебя упустил автобус!

Целый день псу под хвост из-за тебя!

00:16:23,348 --> 00:16:26,058

Кайл?

00:16:26,058 --> 00:16:29,858

Эрик, я думаю, что тебе хватит звонить в прошлое.

Ты можешь изменить настоящее.

00:16:29,858 --> 00:16:32,678

Well I don't notice anything different, KIT-9! Do you?

Ну, я не вижу никаких изменений, КИТ-9, а ты?

00:16:32,678 --> 00:16:36,228

Я пока тоже, мяу-мяу.

00:16:36,228 --> 00:16:37,868

Хмм, да уж...

00:16:40,238 --> 00:16:41,228

Ой!

Мяу-мяу.

00:16:53,526 --> 00:16:54,976

Дитя Времени! На нас напали!

00:16:55,326 --> 00:16:55,976

Кто?!

00:16:56,256 --> 00:16:58,436

Мы должны укрыться в центре управления!

Это единственное безопасное место!

00:17:02,506 --> 00:17:05,906

Лига атеистов бомбит город! Мы беззащитны!

00:17:06,326 --> 00:17:10,076

Это ужасно! Я умру в будущем так и не поиграв в Nintendo Wii?

00:17:10,706 --> 00:17:14,666

Сэр! Морские выдры нападают! Они прорвались сквозь восточные ворота!

00:17:20,896 --> 00:17:23,086

Что? Трехсторонний телефон на экран!

00:17:24,256 --> 00:17:26,756

Что делают выдры? Это наша атака!

00:17:26,756 --> 00:17:28,926

Да, и мы атакуем вас обоих!

00:17:29,046 --> 00:17:31,306

Вы дураки! Это будет конец всем!

00:17:31,846 --> 00:17:35,226

Примите наш ответ на Великий Вопрос, и мы отступим.

00:17:35,436 --> 00:17:37,856

Ваш ответ на Великий Вопрос нелогичен!

00:17:38,366 --> 00:17:40,346

Что за Великий Вопрос?

00:17:40,346 --> 00:17:42,396

"Как должны называть себя атеисты".

00:17:42,666 --> 00:17:46,486

Международная Лига Атеистов наиболее логичное название.

00:17:46,736 --> 00:17:49,576

Нет, Объединенный Альянс Атеистов намного лучше.

00:17:49,746 --> 00:17:55,966

Нет! Авторитарный Альянс Атеистов! Таким образом, у нас будет три "А".

Самый логичный выбор!

00:17:55,966 --> 00:17:59,546

Ну что ж, мы не можем согласиться. Приготовьтесь к смерти!

00:17:59,796 --> 00:18:01,546

Они запустили ракеты, сэр!

00:18:02,006 --> 00:18:03,356

Я должен выбраться отсюда!

00:18:03,356 --> 00:18:06,536

Почему все в моем времени так тупы, что думают,

что я телефонный хулиган?

00:18:06,536 --> 00:18:10,696

Но Эрик, мяу-мяу, ты же знаешь жену

умнейшего человека в истории.

00:18:10,696 --> 00:18:11,076

Кого это?

Но Эрик, мяу-мяу, ты же знаешь жену

умнейшего человека в истории.

00:18:11,076 --> 00:18:11,516

Кого это?

00:18:11,516 --> 00:18:14,126

Твоего учителя, мисс Гаррисон.

00:18:14,126 --> 00:18:16,346

Гаррисон? Но она задница!

00:18:20,976 --> 00:18:25,356

О да, да, я обезьяна!

Дай обезьяне то, что она хочет!

00:18:25,406 --> 00:18:27,116

О, мисс Гаррисон!

00:18:28,116 --> 00:18:29,736

Ну кто там, черт возьми, еще звонит?

00:18:30,386 --> 00:18:33,826

Я попрошу их... перезвонить... о... да!

00:18:33,826 --> 00:18:37,916

Это дом Гаррисон.

Немогли бы вы... перезвонить позже?

00:18:37,916 --> 00:18:40,166

Это срочно! Срочно!

00:18:40,166 --> 00:18:41,086

Срочно?

00:18:41,296 --> 00:18:43,716

Я должен немедленно поговорить с мистером Гаррисоном!

00:18:43,836 --> 00:18:46,926

Я боюсь, мистера Гаррисона умер.

00:18:46,926 --> 00:18:50,886

Здесь только миссис Гаррисон, но она сейчас занята.

00:18:51,136 --> 00:18:53,346

Послушай, говнюк, это в очень, очень срочно!

00:18:53,346 --> 00:18:57,226

Просто передайте телефон тому, кем называет

себя Гаррисон после смены пола!

00:18:58,726 --> 00:19:01,556

Смены пола??

00:19:03,856 --> 00:19:05,806

Ооооооо! Ты мужчина?!

00:19:05,806 --> 00:19:07,406

Уже нет. Я исправилась.

00:19:07,696 --> 00:19:09,566

Ричард, погоди! Я могу объяснить.

00:19:09,766 --> 00:19:13,156

Объяснить что? То, почему я такой тупица?

00:19:14,266 --> 00:19:16,226

Ричард, вернись, пожалуйста!

00:19:17,916 --> 00:19:24,206

Ну и проваливай, ты, атеистичный педрила!

Удачи тебе в Аду! Гомосек!

00:19:25,176 --> 00:19:28,606

Мистер Гаррисон! Мистер Гаррисон!

00:19:33,126 --> 00:19:35,186

Все в порядке, Эрик. Ты готов идти?

00:19:36,756 --> 00:19:40,386

Идти... так... куда я иду?

00:19:40,386 --> 00:19:44,486

Мы отправим тебя домой при помощи нашей Машины Времени.

00:19:44,486 --> 00:19:48,716

Не беспокойся, когда ты вернешься в свое время, ты вольешься в того другого себя.

00:19:48,716 --> 00:19:49,906

Это все очень просто.

00:19:50,746 --> 00:19:54,416

Подождите... А как же война за атеизм?

00:19:54,416 --> 00:19:58,546

Атеизм? Нет, мы избавились от всех -измов.

00:19:59,006 --> 00:20:03,346

Да, давным-давно мы поняли, что -измы хороши для тех, кто разумен

00:20:03,346 --> 00:20:07,766

но в руках неразумных людей -измы всегда приводят к насилию.

00:20:08,516 --> 00:20:10,786

И поэтому у вас в будущем нет войн?

00:20:10,786 --> 00:20:14,516

Ну конечно же у нас есть войны! Тупые франко-китайцы уверены,

что у них есть права на Гавайи!

00:20:16,516 --> 00:20:19,396

Но сейчас настал момент отправить тебя в твое время.

00:20:20,816 --> 00:20:24,946

Мы разморозили тебя для великой цели, и сейчас цель эта достигнута.

00:20:25,116 --> 00:20:26,366

Так, а что это за цель?

00:20:26,576 --> 00:20:28,536

Мы же уже объяснили тебе.

00:20:28,996 --> 00:20:30,076

Таааак....

00:20:30,076 --> 00:20:33,026

Прощай, Эрик! Я буду скучать! Ку-ку

00:20:33,026 --> 00:20:34,916

Я тоже буду скучать, КОКА-3.

00:20:35,126 --> 00:20:43,966

Прощай, Эрик! И скажи всем в прошлом, что нет единственного ответа, есть просто ответ.

00:20:48,586 --> 00:20:52,056

Я вернулся! Вау! Я вернулся!

00:20:52,206 --> 00:20:53,346

А вот и ты, Эрик.

00:20:53,346 --> 00:20:55,506

Мама! Мама, они сделали это!

00:20:55,506 --> 00:20:59,256

Эрик, ты вернулся домой.

Ты не можешь просто ждать, пока игра не выйдет.

00:20:59,256 --> 00:21:03,426

Нет, я знаю. Мама, ты права.

Я должен научиться терпению.

00:21:03,426 --> 00:21:07,116

Я думаю, я смогу подождать три недели до выхода Nintendo Wii.

00:21:07,116 --> 00:21:12,566

Но дорогой, сейчас только сентябрь.

Значит... Nintendo Wii выйдет только через два месяца.

00:21:12,566 --> 00:21:14,286

Что?

00:21:14,286 --> 00:21:17,676

Нееет!

Неееееет!!

00:21:17,676 --> 00:21:20,706

Вы отправили меня слишком далеко!! Эй! Верните меня!

00:21:20,706 --> 00:21:22,116

С кем это ты разговариваешь, пупсик?

00:21:22,116 --> 00:21:26,406

Я не могу ждать два месяца!

Я не могу! Должен быть другой путь!

00:21:26,406 --> 00:21:29,306

Эй, парень, тебя к телефону.

00:21:30,126 --> 00:21:31,326

Алло?

00:21:31,326 --> 00:21:33,516

Алло? Алло?

00:21:34,226 --> 00:21:35,686

Я знаю, о чем ты думаешь!

00:21:35,686 --> 00:21:37,376

Не делай этого!

00:21:37,376 --> 00:21:40,816

Ты должен набраться терпения и подождать два месяца.

Слышишь меня?

00:21:42,526 --> 00:21:45,566

Ой, поцелуй мои яйца, Кайл!

00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:13,681

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:13,806 --> 00:00:15,349

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,474 --> 00:00:18,561

♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,271

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:20,396 --> 00:00:21,605

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

00:00:21,731 --> 00:00:25,109

♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,234 --> 00:00:28,362

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

00:00:28,487 --> 00:00:32,992

♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:36,704

MAN:

The year is 2006,

00:00:36,829 --> 00:00:38,831

and young Eric Cartman

cannot wait

00:00:38,956 --> 00:00:40,875

for the new Nintendo Wii

to come out.

00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,794

Unable to cope with the wait

any longer,

00:00:43,919 --> 00:00:46,505

Eric decides to freeze himself

for three weeks.

00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:49,675

But a freak avalanche

makes Eric impossible to find,

00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:54,638

and so he remains frozen

for 500 years.

00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:58,684

[ "Buck Rogers in the

25th Century" theme plays ]

00:01:18,788 --> 00:01:21,665

[ Music continues ]

00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:43,062

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:01:43,187 --> 00:01:46,107

[ Birds, insects chirping ]

00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,238

[ Squawks ]

00:01:52,363 --> 00:01:54,031

Whoa!

Steady!

00:01:54,156 --> 00:01:56,408

This way, otters!

00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:02,039

This is it -- New New Hampshire.

00:02:02,164 --> 00:02:05,209

We have risked much

bringing you here, time child.

00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:07,628

Can it.

00:02:07,753 --> 00:02:09,839

You otters may have evolved

to the point you can talk,

00:02:09,964 --> 00:02:11,674

but I don't need lectures.

00:02:12,383 --> 00:02:14,468

Don't let the time child

out of your sight.

00:02:14,593 --> 00:02:15,845

He could try to run.

00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:17,596

We have a deal, Blavius.

00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:21,100

As long as I get what I want,

you have nothing to worry about.

00:02:21,225 --> 00:02:23,227

[ Squawking ]

00:02:23,352 --> 00:02:25,062

Something is spooking

the ostriches.

00:02:25,187 --> 00:02:27,398

Sure.

This is monarch land now.

00:02:27,523 --> 00:02:29,567

Probably jarvis probes

everywhere.

00:02:29,692 --> 00:02:31,485

Here it is!

We have arrived!

00:02:31,610 --> 00:02:32,486

Hold!

00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:36,115

This is it, time child --

the old Museum of Technology,

00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:37,408

abandoned long ago.

00:02:37,992 --> 00:02:41,537

Let's get what you want,

time child, and get out of here.

00:02:43,956 --> 00:02:46,292

[ Music continues ]

00:02:46,417 --> 00:02:47,918

Over here!

00:02:49,044 --> 00:02:50,671

Yes! Here!

I-It's here!

00:02:51,463 --> 00:02:53,299

The Nintendo Wii.

00:02:54,884 --> 00:02:57,136

I've waited so long for this.

00:02:58,888 --> 00:02:59,805

All right, time child.

00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:01,432

We've filled our side

of the bargain.

00:03:01,557 --> 00:03:03,142

Now return with us to Otter Bay.

00:03:03,267 --> 00:03:05,144

Sorry, Blavius.

I've got other plans.

00:03:05,269 --> 00:03:06,604

[ Beeping ]

00:03:07,188 --> 00:03:08,355

No!

00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:09,523

It was a trick!

00:03:09,648 --> 00:03:12,526

Science damn you, time child!

00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:17,364

I got it!

I got the Wii!

00:03:17,489 --> 00:03:19,617

MAN:

Time child, you've returned!

00:03:19,742 --> 00:03:22,203

We thought for sure you had died

in the thobart plant!

00:03:22,328 --> 00:03:25,289

Yeah. Lucky for me the otters

believed I was on their side.

00:03:25,956 --> 00:03:26,916

Do me a favor.

00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:28,500

Next time I'm in

a recessed biocave,

00:03:28,626 --> 00:03:30,669

don't send me

a level-two homing call.

00:03:31,629 --> 00:03:33,756

T.C., wait!

00:03:34,340 --> 00:03:36,926

Oh, I can't wait!

This is gonna be so awesome!

00:03:37,051 --> 00:03:38,594

Get out of my way!

00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:40,471

You gained the otters' trust?!

00:03:40,596 --> 00:03:42,890

Were you wearing

an information crystal?

00:03:43,015 --> 00:03:44,225

Here.

00:03:44,350 --> 00:03:47,478

Science be praised.

This could end the war!

00:03:47,603 --> 00:03:50,648

You've done a great thing, T.C.

How can we repay you?

00:03:50,773 --> 00:03:52,942

Just send a maintenance guy

to my room!

00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:56,528

I want this Nintendo hooked up

to my float screen now!

00:03:57,238 --> 00:03:58,656

Come on.

00:03:58,781 --> 00:03:59,949

Come on!

00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:02,576

Dude, what is taking so long?

I want to play!

00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:05,162

Uh, what kind of output

does this have?

00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:08,082

This is some ancient super-VHS

output or something.

00:04:08,207 --> 00:04:10,542

I can't connect it

to your float screen.

00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:13,045

There's got to be

some way to hook it up!

00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:14,588

It's the freakin' future!

00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:16,048

It may be the future for you,

00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:18,384

but I can't hook up anything

to a float screen

00:04:18,509 --> 00:04:20,386

without at least

a laser-seven output.

00:04:20,511 --> 00:04:22,096

You got to be [bleep] me!

00:04:22,221 --> 00:04:23,847

Science damn it!

00:04:23,973 --> 00:04:26,058

I am so [bleep] sick

of the future!

00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:28,310

T.C., what's wrong?

00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:29,478

I'll tell you what's wrong.

00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:32,648

I've been waiting 500 years

to play the Nintendo Wii,

00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:35,693

and if I don't get to play

real soon, I'm gonna bust a nut!

00:04:35,818 --> 00:04:37,361

Well, we're all glad

you're back.

00:04:37,486 --> 00:04:39,822

I know somebody

who's missed you very much.

00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,156

Come on in, K-10!

00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:43,117

- [ Light music plays ]

- Bark, bark.

00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:45,619

Hello, Eric.

I have missed you.

00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:48,622

Suck my balls, K-10.

I'm not in the mood.

00:04:49,832 --> 00:04:52,918

Fellow atheists,

the time child has returned

00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:55,170

with information

on our sworn enemies,

00:04:55,296 --> 00:04:57,881

the Allied Atheist Alliance!

00:04:58,007 --> 00:05:01,093

They have started digging

for clams in sector J-7.

00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:03,262

If we mount an all-out attack,

00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:05,597

we can wipe out

their food supply!

00:05:06,265 --> 00:05:08,225

But those are civilian otters.

00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:10,019

We cannot tolerate the otters!

00:05:10,144 --> 00:05:11,520

Their science is flawed!

00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:14,732

Their answer to the great

question is different from ours.

00:05:14,857 --> 00:05:18,193

Yes, but sending out all

our ships at the same time --

00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:20,195

It would leave our city exposed.

00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:23,240

That's why we have

to be super-duper sure

00:05:23,365 --> 00:05:26,160

that nobody finds out

we're doing it.

00:05:28,704 --> 00:05:29,913

The United Atheist Alliance

00:05:30,039 --> 00:05:31,999

is about to send out

all its defense ships

00:05:32,124 --> 00:05:34,626

to take down the Allied Atheist

Alliance's clam fields!

00:05:34,752 --> 00:05:36,045

Praise science!

00:05:36,170 --> 00:05:37,755

This is your chance,

young Shpeck,

00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:39,506

to avenge your father's death.

00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:40,841

Careful, son.

00:05:40,966 --> 00:05:43,552

Just because their science

leads them to a different answer

00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:44,762

to the great question

00:05:44,887 --> 00:05:46,889

doesn't mean we have the right

to kill them all.

00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:47,806

No.

00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:50,976

Our answer to the great question

is the only logical one.

00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:52,728

Our science is great.

00:05:53,312 --> 00:05:55,064

Let us not forget

the great Richard Dawkins,

00:05:55,189 --> 00:05:57,566

who finally freed the world

of religion long ago.

00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:59,360

Dawkins knew that logic

and reason

00:05:59,485 --> 00:06:00,694

were the way of the future.

00:06:00,819 --> 00:06:03,614

But it wasn't until he met

his beautiful wife

00:06:03,739 --> 00:06:07,326

that he learned using logic

and reason isn't enough.

00:06:07,910 --> 00:06:08,911

You have to be a dick

00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:11,914

to everyone who doesn't think

like you.

00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:13,916

Prepare all the troops.

00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:18,629

We will level the United

Atheist Alliance to the ground!

00:06:18,754 --> 00:06:21,215

MAN:

With new Glade monvert cleaner,

00:06:21,340 --> 00:06:24,426

you can make your monvert

sparkle like never before.

00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:27,096

My monvert's never looked

so clean!

00:06:27,221 --> 00:06:31,141

God, I hate future TV.

There's too many commercials!

00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:33,477

Ugh. I'm so bored!

00:06:33,602 --> 00:06:35,020

There's nothing to do!

00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:36,188

Tell me about it.

00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:37,189

Hey, I know!

00:06:37,314 --> 00:06:39,316

Let's crank-call people

in the past!

00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:39,983

Huh?

00:06:40,109 --> 00:06:42,736

I just got

the Crank Prank Timephone!

00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:44,446

♪ Crank Prank ♪

00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:46,198

♪ Crank Prank Timephone ♪

00:06:46,323 --> 00:06:49,326

MAN: New from Zasbro,

it's Crank Prank Timephone!

00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:51,495

I just dial a random number

on the keypad,

00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:54,623

enter a date and year

on the divilibrator, and...

00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:57,584

Wow! Someone from the past

is on the line!

00:06:57,709 --> 00:07:00,462

Hello.

Is your refrigerator running?

00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:02,297

Well, then you better

go catch it!

00:07:02,423 --> 00:07:03,549

[ Laughter ]

00:07:03,674 --> 00:07:05,008

♪ Crank Prank ♪

00:07:05,134 --> 00:07:06,593

♪ Crank Prank Timephone ♪

00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:07,428

What?

00:07:07,553 --> 00:07:10,389

Uh, hi.

It's the year 1973, right?

00:07:10,514 --> 00:07:12,808

Could I speak

with Al Coholic, please?

00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:13,892

[ Laughter ]

00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:16,645

MAN: Crank Prank Timephone

comes with divilibrator,

00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,147

antimatter fusion cone,

00:07:18,272 --> 00:07:20,607

and 30 Blaine H.F. Watt

triggers.

00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,743

Why didn't anyone tell me

there was a timephone?

00:07:31,869 --> 00:07:33,829

Why does it matter?

Bark, bark.

00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:34,788

Don't you see?

00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:37,416

If I get one of those phones,

I can call myself in the past

00:07:37,541 --> 00:07:39,835

and tell me

not to freeze myself!

00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:44,339

Then I can go back to my time...

and play Nintendo Wii.

00:07:44,465 --> 00:07:47,009

Bark, bark! That phone

is for crank-calling only.

00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:49,470

Using it in the way

you described is illegal.

00:07:49,595 --> 00:07:51,847

I care!

Where's the closest toy store?

00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:55,601

Working. Bark, bark.

The Jarvanian Shopping Complex.

00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:57,478

But it is not open yet.

00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:02,816

Come on.

00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:05,027

Come on!

00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,738

Store is now open.

Welcome!

00:08:07,863 --> 00:08:08,864

Ugh, finally!

00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:10,407

Welcome to Zeebod's Toys.

00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:12,201

I want one of those

timephone things.

00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:14,620

Ah. The Crank Prank Timephone.

Sure.

00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:17,247

Now, I am required by the state

to make sure you know

00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:19,917

this is for prank-calling

the past only, right?

00:08:20,042 --> 00:08:21,585

Yeah, yeah. I'm only gonna

crank-call people.

00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:24,421

All right.

That'll be 6,000 credits.

00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:25,964

6,000 credits?

00:08:26,089 --> 00:08:28,717

What do I look like to you,

a therilium miner?

00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,719

This is a pretty advanced

piece of equipment.

00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:31,845

It's expensive.

00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:34,556

Look, I have to have

one of those phones.

00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,016

Oh, all right.

00:08:36,141 --> 00:08:38,977

Then I have to have

6,000 credits.

00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:43,357

Bark, bark. I'm sorry, Eric.

Bark, bark.

00:08:43,482 --> 00:08:45,234

How about a robot?

How much for the robot?

00:08:45,359 --> 00:08:47,528

- Aww.

- Sorry, kid.

00:08:47,653 --> 00:08:50,239

You're gonna have to crank-call

people in the present.

00:08:50,364 --> 00:08:51,949

Science damn it!

00:08:52,074 --> 00:08:54,034

Wait.

K-10.

00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:56,119

Can you access

this store's sales records?

00:08:56,245 --> 00:08:58,622

Working. Bark, bark.

Accessed.

00:08:58,747 --> 00:09:00,582

I want the name

and address of anybody

00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:02,584

who's bought a timephone

from this guy in the past week.

00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:04,628

Working.

Bark, bark.

00:09:06,838 --> 00:09:09,925

The United Atheist Alliance

has taken the bait!

00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,135

Soon they will

send their ships out

00:09:12,261 --> 00:09:14,221

to destroy

our decoy clam fields.

00:09:14,346 --> 00:09:15,806

And while their ships are away,

00:09:15,931 --> 00:09:18,308

the United Atheist League

intends to attack them.

00:09:18,433 --> 00:09:19,893

Our plan has worked perfectly,

00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:21,853

for when the United

Atheist League

00:09:21,979 --> 00:09:23,897

attacks the United

Atheist Alliance,

00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:26,358

we will charge in

and kill them all!

00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:29,736

Our science, our answer to the

great question shall prevail!

00:09:29,861 --> 00:09:30,988

ALL:

Hail science!

00:09:31,113 --> 00:09:32,114

Hail science!

00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:33,657

Hail science!

00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:36,952

And I will personally kill

the time child

00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:40,622

and eat his entrails

on my tummy!

00:09:42,708 --> 00:09:44,960

[ Horn blows ]

00:09:47,045 --> 00:09:50,007

[ Telephone ringing ]

00:09:50,132 --> 00:09:51,592

I'll get it, darling.

00:09:51,717 --> 00:09:53,343

Hello?

00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:54,261

Hello?

00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:57,848

Uh, yes. Hello.

I'm calling for Mr. Wall.

00:09:57,973 --> 00:10:00,434

I'm sorry.

There's no Mr. Wall here.

00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:02,269

Oh, is Mrs. Wall there?

00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:04,146

No, there are no Walls here.

00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:05,689

Then how does your roof stay up?

00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,024

[ Laughter ]

00:10:07,149 --> 00:10:08,275

Oh, I see.

00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:10,402

Is this the Johnson boys

from down the street?

00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:12,362

No.

We're from the future!

00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:13,447

Very funny!

00:10:13,572 --> 00:10:15,032

Hi, I'm a pepper,

and I'm wondering

00:10:15,157 --> 00:10:16,658

if you'd like to be a pepper,

too.

00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,619

God darn you!

00:10:18,744 --> 00:10:19,870

[ Laughter ]

00:10:19,995 --> 00:10:21,538

- Yeah!

- That was a great one!

00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:23,999

[ Doorbell rings ]

00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:27,711

Hello. I'm with

the cubic waste department.

00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:29,880

I need to check your lortran

for inhubitors.

00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:32,591

Oh.

Okay, I guess.

00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:34,760

Come on in, Bob.

00:10:36,345 --> 00:10:38,597

All right.

Just let me use my tools.

00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:41,683

Hey!

00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,560

[ Laughs ]

Stupid assholes!

00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:45,187

♪ I got your timephone ♪

00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:46,355

Bark, bark!

00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:49,316

Science H. Logic!

What a jerk!

00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:53,779

[ Indistinct conversations ]

00:10:58,367 --> 00:11:00,952

WISE ONE:

Silence, otters!

00:11:01,078 --> 00:11:03,080

It's the wise one!

00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:05,749

The wise one speaks!

00:11:06,375 --> 00:11:09,836

This is not the path

we should be taking.

00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:12,589

Will more bloodshed end

anything?

00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:15,592

Wise one, our answer

to the great question

00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:17,469

is the only one

based on good science!

00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:20,138

Science. Reason.

00:11:20,263 --> 00:11:22,474

Is that really all there is?

00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:24,643

They are not a logical race,

wise one!

00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:27,145

They go around

chopping down trees for tables

00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:29,773

when they have perfectly good

tummies to eat on!

00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:31,108

How logical is that?

00:11:31,233 --> 00:11:31,942

Yes!

00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:33,860

The great Dawkins said

we cannot tolerate those

00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:35,237

who don't use reason!

00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:38,490

How reasonable is it to eat

off wood instead of your tummy?

00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:42,202

Well, perhaps the great Dawkins

wasn't so wise.

00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:43,537

Oh, he was intelligent.

00:11:43,662 --> 00:11:47,082

But some of the most intelligent

otters I've ever known

00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:49,459

were completely lacking

in common sense.

00:11:49,584 --> 00:11:54,172

Maybe some otters do need

to believe in something.

00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:55,757

Who knows?

00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:59,928

Maybe just believing in God

makes God exist.

00:12:02,973 --> 00:12:04,474

Kill the wise one!

00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:05,642

Kill the wise one!

00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:07,894

- [ Indistinct shouting ]

- What? No! Wait! Wait!

00:12:08,019 --> 00:12:10,605

[ Screaming ]

00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:12,399

[ Insects chirping ]

00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:20,407

Oh, God.

00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:23,869

[ Telephone ringing ]

00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:26,496

Hello?

00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:29,124

[ Static ]

00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,584

CARTMAN:

Hello?

00:12:30,709 --> 00:12:32,252

[ Static ]

00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:34,212

- Am I there?

- Who is this?

00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:36,673

There! There! I have me!

All right. All right. Listen.

00:12:36,798 --> 00:12:39,968

Listen to me carefully.

You need to be patient.

00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:42,053

What?

Who the hell is this?!

00:12:42,179 --> 00:12:42,929

It's me!

00:12:43,054 --> 00:12:44,181

Me who?

00:12:44,306 --> 00:12:45,515

Me you!

00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:46,808

What?

00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:47,976

I'm you in the future!

00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:49,102

You have to be patient and wait

00:12:49,227 --> 00:12:50,687

for the Nintendo Wii

to come out,

00:12:50,812 --> 00:12:51,938

or else you'll wake up

in the future

00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:53,523

and have to deal

with a bunch of sea otters!

00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:54,941

Oh, very funny, Kyle!

00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,443

It's not Kyle!

It's you!

00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:58,445

Yeah? Well, you can

go [bleep] yourself.

00:12:58,570 --> 00:13:00,572

I'm trying to do you a favor,

dumb-ass!

00:13:00,697 --> 00:13:01,698

Just listen to me!

00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:02,824

Listen to this!

00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:04,659

[ Farts ]

00:13:04,785 --> 00:13:06,661

Dickhead.

00:13:06,787 --> 00:13:08,872

[ Telephone rings ]

00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:12,834

What an asshole!

00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:15,045

[ Telephone rings ]

00:13:16,546 --> 00:13:18,006

- Hello?

- [ Static ]

00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,008

CARTMAN:

Butters! Butters!

00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,052

Eric?

Is that you?

00:13:22,177 --> 00:13:23,428

Butters!

Butters, listen to me!

00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:24,471

J-Just listen.

00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:26,223

I'm about to come over

to your house

00:13:26,348 --> 00:13:28,058

and ask you to help me

freeze myself.

00:13:28,183 --> 00:13:29,434

Do not do it!

00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:33,146

Eric, are you playing

a joke on me again?

00:13:33,271 --> 00:13:34,606

No!

This is not a joke!

00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:37,400

Whatever I say to you, Butters,

no matter how hard I try,

00:13:37,526 --> 00:13:39,653

do not do what I tell you.

00:13:39,778 --> 00:13:43,573

But --

But you're here right now!

00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:46,159

Butters! Come on!

We got to go!

00:13:46,284 --> 00:13:48,912

No! Don't listen to me!

Tell me to go screw myself!

00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:49,788

Huh?

00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:51,540

Come on, Butters!

It's gonna get dark!

00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:54,543

But you're telling me

not to go with you.

00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,044

What?

00:13:56,711 --> 00:13:58,255

Who the [bleep] is this?!

00:13:58,380 --> 00:13:59,965

Aw, damn it.

Just listen to me!

00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:02,259

If you freeze yourself,

you are going to die!

00:14:02,384 --> 00:14:03,343

Suck my balls!

00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:04,803

No, you suck my balls!

00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:06,638

Just listen to me

for one minute!

00:14:06,763 --> 00:14:08,557

Okay.

You have one minute.

00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:10,225

Right before you left

for Butters' house,

00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,602

you drank a bunch of Ovaltine

and put Clyde Frog in the closet

00:14:12,727 --> 00:14:14,354

so nothing would happen to him,

right?

00:14:15,272 --> 00:14:16,523

Are you spying on me?

00:14:16,648 --> 00:14:18,650

No, I am you,

you stupid asshole!

00:14:18,775 --> 00:14:20,944

[Bleep] you, asshole.

You can go [bleep] yourself.

00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:22,946

Come on, Butters.

We're going.

00:14:23,071 --> 00:14:24,698

Oh, all right, then.

00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,617

God, I hate that guy!

00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:30,203

- [ Dramatic music plays ]

- My friends, the time has come.

00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:33,540

May science give us the courage

to do what we must.

00:14:33,665 --> 00:14:36,334

Launch all defensive ships

to sector J-7.

00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:38,837

Take out

the otters' clam fields!

00:14:38,962 --> 00:14:41,506

[ Whirring ]

00:14:42,924 --> 00:14:46,219

Sir, the United Atheist Alliance

has sent out all their ships.

00:14:46,344 --> 00:14:48,680

Their capital is

now unprotected.

00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:54,144

Then begin the attack.

Science be praised.

00:15:02,152 --> 00:15:06,323

Kill the table-eaters

in the name of almighty science!

00:15:06,448 --> 00:15:09,326

[ Horn blows ]

00:15:09,451 --> 00:15:12,495

[ Telephone ringing ]

00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:15,874

Hello?

00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:18,001

- [ Static ]

- CARTMAN: Hello? Kyle?

00:15:18,126 --> 00:15:18,835

Hello?

00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,378

Yes.

Hello, Kyle.

00:15:20,503 --> 00:15:22,339

It's Eric.

Uh, how's it going?

00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:23,840

What do you want?

00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:26,092

Kyle, you are the smartest guy

I know,

00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:28,011

so I think maybe you're

the only person

00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:29,137

who can understand this.

00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:30,263

You know how earlier today,

00:15:30,388 --> 00:15:31,890

I asked you

to help me freeze myself?

00:15:32,015 --> 00:15:33,767

I'm not going to help you

freeze yourself, Cartman.

00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:34,893

It's a stupid idea.

00:15:35,018 --> 00:15:37,145

No, see, I know

it's a stupid idea,

00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:39,564

because I actually did

freeze myself.

00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:41,191

And you were right, Kyle.

00:15:41,316 --> 00:15:43,944

It -- It backfired, and I was

frozen for 500 years,

00:15:44,069 --> 00:15:46,404

and now I'm calling you

from the future.

00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:49,449

Uh-huh.

00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:51,242

No, really, Kyle,

I'm -- I'm seriously.

00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:52,911

Here.

Talk to my robot dog.

00:15:53,036 --> 00:15:56,456

Bark, bark.

Hello, Kyle. Bark, bark.

00:15:58,208 --> 00:15:59,709

I'm hanging up now.

00:15:59,834 --> 00:16:01,044

No!

Kyle, listen, please!

00:16:01,169 --> 00:16:03,421

I think right about now,

I'm in my mom's freezer.

00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:05,256

Suck my balls, fat-ass.

00:16:05,382 --> 00:16:08,259

I will.

I will suck your balls, Kyle.

00:16:08,385 --> 00:16:10,261

Just stop me

from freezing myself,

00:16:10,387 --> 00:16:13,682

and I will get down on my knees,

and I will suck your balls.

00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:15,809

I'll suck 'em dry, Kyle.

00:16:15,934 --> 00:16:18,019

- [ Horn honks, tires screech ]

- Aw, God damn it!

00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:19,354

Now you've made me miss my ride!

00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:22,190

My whole day is screwed up

because of you!

00:16:23,233 --> 00:16:24,192

Kyle!

00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:25,360

Kyle!

00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:28,196

Eric, I really think you should

stop calling the past.

00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:29,656

You could change the present.

00:16:29,781 --> 00:16:32,283

Well, I don't notice anything

different, Kit-9, do you?

00:16:32,409 --> 00:16:35,328

I guess not.

Meow, meow.

00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:37,998

Hmm.

I see.

00:16:38,123 --> 00:16:39,124

[ Explosion ]

00:16:39,249 --> 00:16:41,710

- Ugh!

- Meow, meow!

00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:46,840

- Aah!

- Meow, meow!

00:16:52,387 --> 00:16:53,304

- Aah!

- Meow, meow!

00:16:53,430 --> 00:16:56,016

- T.C., we're under attack!

- By who?

00:16:56,141 --> 00:16:58,435

We have to get to the war room!

It's the only safe place!

00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,145

[Alarm blaring ]

00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:04,441

The United Atheist League

is bombing the city!

00:17:04,566 --> 00:17:05,942

We're defenseless!

00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:07,110

This is terrible!

00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:08,319

I'm gonna die in the future

00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:10,071

without ever playing

Nintendo Wii?!

00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,907

Sir, the sea otters

are advancing.

00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:14,743

They've broken through

the east portal!

00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:16,911

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:17:20,749 --> 00:17:23,209

What?!

Three-way fun-chat on screen!

00:17:24,169 --> 00:17:26,713

What are you otters doing?

This is our attack!

00:17:26,838 --> 00:17:29,007

Yes, and we are attacking

both of you!

00:17:29,132 --> 00:17:31,301

You fools!

This will be the end of us all!

00:17:31,426 --> 00:17:33,762

Then accept our answer

to the great question,

00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:35,263

and we will withdraw!

00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,891

Your answer to the great

question is illogical!

00:17:38,016 --> 00:17:39,684

What is the great question?

00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:42,437

What atheists should call

themselves.

00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:46,566

Unified Atheist League

is the most logical name!

00:17:46,691 --> 00:17:49,569

United Atheist Alliance

makes more sense!

00:17:49,694 --> 00:17:52,030

No!

Allied Atheist Alliance!

00:17:52,155 --> 00:17:53,531

That way it has three A's!

00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:55,325

That is the logical choice!

00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:57,911

So be it.

We cannot agree.

00:17:58,036 --> 00:17:58,953

Prepare to die.

00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:01,581

- [Alarm blares ]

- Virad missiles launched, sir!

00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:03,124

I have to get out of here!

00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:04,584

Why is everyone in my past

so stupid

00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:06,377

that they think

I'm crank-calling them?!

00:18:06,503 --> 00:18:07,587

But, Eric, meow, meow,

00:18:07,712 --> 00:18:10,381

you knew the wife of the

smartest man in all of history.

00:18:10,507 --> 00:18:11,466

Who?

00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:14,052

Your teacher,

the one called Garrison.

00:18:14,177 --> 00:18:16,346

Garrison?

But he's an asshole!

00:18:16,471 --> 00:18:18,848

[ Telephone ringing ]

00:18:18,973 --> 00:18:20,058

[ Moaning ]

00:18:20,183 --> 00:18:23,311

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I'm a monkey!

00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,396

Give this monkey what she wants!

00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:27,148

Oh, Ms. Garrison!

00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:28,441

- [ Ringing continues ]

- Damn it!

00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:29,734

Who the hell is calling?

00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:31,778

I'll tell them to call you back.

00:18:31,903 --> 00:18:33,321

[ Breathing heavily ]

00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:37,117

Garrison residence.

Can you call back later, please?

00:18:37,242 --> 00:18:39,786

CARTMAN: It's an emergency!

It's an emergency!

00:18:39,911 --> 00:18:41,121

An emergency?

00:18:41,246 --> 00:18:43,706

I need to speak

with Mr. Garrison right now!

00:18:43,832 --> 00:18:46,459

I'm sorry, but Mr. Garrison

has passed away.

00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:48,670

Mrs. Garrison is

the only person here,

00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,922

and she's rather tied up

at the moment.

00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:52,841

Look, asshole!

This is a real emergency!

00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:54,759

Just pass the phone

to whatever Garrison

00:18:54,884 --> 00:18:57,262

wants to call himself

since the sex-change operation!

00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:00,598

Sex-change operation?!

00:19:00,723 --> 00:19:02,100

Uh-oh.

00:19:02,225 --> 00:19:05,311

Ohh!

You're a man?!

00:19:05,436 --> 00:19:07,438

Not anymore!

I've been fixed!

00:19:07,564 --> 00:19:09,566

Richard, hold on!

I can explain!

00:19:09,691 --> 00:19:13,236

Explain?!

How could I be so stupid?!

00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:16,531

Richard, come back, please!

00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:20,451

Well, go ahead and leave,

you atheist faggot!

00:19:20,577 --> 00:19:24,289

Have fun mocking God in hell,

you queer!

00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:26,875

Mr. Garrison?

Mr. Garrison?

00:19:32,463 --> 00:19:34,966

All right, Eric.

Are you all set to go?

00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:37,302

Go?

00:19:37,427 --> 00:19:39,387

Right.

Where am I going?

00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:40,471

We told you.

00:19:40,597 --> 00:19:41,764

We're sending you home

00:19:41,890 --> 00:19:43,641

with the Crank-'n'-Wank

Time Machine.

00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:45,268

Don't worry, my son.

00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:46,394

When you return to your time,

00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,188

you will merge

with your other self.

00:19:48,313 --> 00:19:49,731

It's all very Zen.

00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:51,065

Wait.

00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:53,359

Isn't everybody at war

over atheism?

00:19:53,985 --> 00:19:55,403

Atheism?

No.

00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:58,281

We've learned to get rid

of all the isms in our time.

00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:00,366

Yes, long ago we realized

00:20:00,491 --> 00:20:02,869

isms are great

for those who are rational.

00:20:02,994 --> 00:20:05,288

But in the hands

of irrational people,

00:20:05,413 --> 00:20:07,540

isms always lead to violence.

00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:10,043

So there is no war

now in the future?

00:20:10,168 --> 00:20:11,377

Of course there's war!

00:20:11,502 --> 00:20:14,297

The stupid French-Chinese think

they have a right to Hawaii!

00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:15,423

ALL:

Yeah!

00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:19,010

But now the moment has come

to send you back to your time.

00:20:20,345 --> 00:20:22,263

We unfroze you for a purpose,

00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:24,682

and now that purpose

is fulfilled.

00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:26,100

And what was that purpose again?

00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:28,311

We explained that to you

already.

00:20:28,436 --> 00:20:29,520

Right.

00:20:29,646 --> 00:20:32,482

Goodbye, Eric. I will miss you.

Squawk, squawk.

00:20:32,607 --> 00:20:34,651

I'll miss you, too, Cocka-3.

00:20:34,776 --> 00:20:37,695

So long, Eric, and tell everyone

in the past for us

00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:41,157

that no one single answer

is ever the answer.

00:20:45,370 --> 00:20:47,080

Hey!

00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:49,207

I'm back.

00:20:49,332 --> 00:20:51,167

Wow!

I'm back!

00:20:51,292 --> 00:20:52,794

There you are, Eric!

00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:54,963

Mom!

Mom, they did it!

00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:56,547

Eric, you have to come home.

00:20:56,673 --> 00:20:58,800

You can't just wait here

for that game to come out.

00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:00,802

No, I know.

You're right, Mom.

00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:03,054

I need to learn to be patient.

00:21:03,179 --> 00:21:06,683

I think I can wait three weeks

for Nintendo Wii to come out.

00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:08,476

But, honey, it's only September.

00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:12,021

The Nintendo Wii

doesn't come out for two months.

00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:13,606

What?

00:21:13,731 --> 00:21:14,941

No!

00:21:15,692 --> 00:21:16,734

No!

00:21:16,859 --> 00:21:18,653

You sent me back too far!

00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:20,029

Hey!

Do it over!

00:21:20,154 --> 00:21:21,698

Who are you talking to, muffin?

00:21:21,823 --> 00:21:23,908

I can't wait two months!

I can't!

00:21:24,033 --> 00:21:25,368

There has to be a way

around this!

00:21:25,493 --> 00:21:29,080

Hey, kid,

somebody's on the phone for you.

00:21:29,664 --> 00:21:30,748

Hello?

00:21:30,873 --> 00:21:33,334

- [ Static ]

- CARTMAN: Hello? Hello?!

00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:36,796

I know what you're thinking.

Do not do it!

00:21:36,921 --> 00:21:39,465

You just need to be patient

and wait the two months!

00:21:39,590 --> 00:21:40,591

Do you hear me?!

00:21:42,135 --> 00:21:44,637

- Oh, suck my balls, Kyle.

- [ Telephone beeps ]