Вперёд, Бог, вперёд XII — Картман понимает, что в будущем ему не удастся поиграть в Nintendo Wii, и пытается изменить прошлое, чтобы не дать себе себя заморозить.

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Вперёд, Бог, вперёд XII

Go God Go XII

Сезон: 10Серия: 13

Описание

Картман понимает, что в будущем ему не удастся поиграть в Nintendo Wii, и пытается изменить прошлое, чтобы не дать себе себя заморозить.

Субтитры

00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:12,013 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:13,681 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:13,806 --> 00:00:15,349 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:15,474 --> 00:00:18,561 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,271 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,396 --> 00:00:21,605 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
00:00:21,731 --> 00:00:25,109 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:25,234 --> 00:00:28,362 Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
00:00:28,487 --> 00:00:32,992 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:36,704 The year is 2006,
00:00:36,829 --> 00:00:38,831 and young Eric Cartman cannot wait
00:00:38,956 --> 00:00:40,875 for the new Nintendo Wii to come out.
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,794 Unable to cope with the wait any longer,
00:00:43,919 --> 00:00:46,505 Eric decides to freeze himself for three weeks.
00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:49,675 But a freak avalanche makes Eric impossible to find,
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:54,638 and so he remains frozen for 500 years.
00:01:52,363 --> 00:01:54,031 Whoa! Steady!
00:01:54,156 --> 00:01:56,408 This way, otters!
00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:02,039 This is it -- New New Hampshire.
00:02:02,164 --> 00:02:05,209 We have risked much bringing you here, time child.
00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:07,628 Can it.
00:02:07,753 --> 00:02:09,839 You otters may have evolved to the point you can talk,
00:02:09,964 --> 00:02:11,674 but I don't need lectures.
00:02:12,383 --> 00:02:14,468 Don't let the time child out of your sight.
00:02:14,593 --> 00:02:15,845 He could try to run.
00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:17,596 We have a deal, Blavius.
00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:21,100 As long as I get what I want, you have nothing to worry about.
00:02:23,352 --> 00:02:25,062 Something is spooking the ostriches.
00:02:25,187 --> 00:02:27,398 Sure. This is monarch land now.
00:02:27,523 --> 00:02:29,567 Probably jarvis probes everywhere.
00:02:29,692 --> 00:02:31,485 Here it is! We have arrived!
00:02:31,610 --> 00:02:32,486 Hold!
00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:36,115 This is it, time child -- the old Museum of Technology,
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:37,408 abandoned long ago.
00:02:37,992 --> 00:02:41,537 Let's get what you want, time child, and get out of here.
00:02:46,417 --> 00:02:47,918 Over here!
00:02:49,044 --> 00:02:50,671 Yes! Here! I-It's here!
00:02:51,463 --> 00:02:53,299 The Nintendo Wii.
00:02:54,884 --> 00:02:57,136 I've waited so long for this.
00:02:58,888 --> 00:02:59,805 All right, time child.
00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:01,432 We've filled our side of the bargain.
00:03:01,557 --> 00:03:03,142 Now return with us to Otter Bay.
00:03:03,267 --> 00:03:05,144 Sorry, Blavius. I've got other plans.
00:03:07,188 --> 00:03:08,355 No!
00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:09,523 It was a trick!
00:03:09,648 --> 00:03:12,526 Science damn you, time child!
00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:17,364 I got it! I got the Wii!
00:03:17,489 --> 00:03:19,617 Time child, you've returned!
00:03:19,742 --> 00:03:22,203 We thought for sure you had died in the thobart plant!
00:03:22,328 --> 00:03:25,289 Yeah. Lucky for me the otters believed I was on their side.
00:03:25,956 --> 00:03:26,916 Do me a favor.
00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:28,500 Next time I'm in a recessed biocave,
00:03:28,626 --> 00:03:30,669 don't send me a level-two homing call.
00:03:31,629 --> 00:03:33,756 T.C., wait!
00:03:34,340 --> 00:03:36,926 Oh, I can't wait! This is gonna be so awesome!
00:03:37,051 --> 00:03:38,594 Get out of my way!
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:40,471 You gained the otters' trust?!
00:03:40,596 --> 00:03:42,890 Were you wearing an information crystal?
00:03:43,015 --> 00:03:44,225 Here.
00:03:44,350 --> 00:03:47,478 Science be praised. This could end the war!
00:03:47,603 --> 00:03:50,648 You've done a great thing, T.C. How can we repay you?
00:03:50,773 --> 00:03:52,942 Just send a maintenance guy to my room!
00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:56,528 I want this Nintendo hooked up to my float screen now!
00:03:57,238 --> 00:03:58,656 Come on.
00:03:58,781 --> 00:03:59,949 Come on!
00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:02,576 Dude, what is taking so long? I want to play!
00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:05,162 Uh, what kind of output does this have?
00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:08,082 This is some ancient super-VHS output or something.
00:04:08,207 --> 00:04:10,542 I can't connect it to your float screen.
00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:13,045 There's got to be some way to hook it up!
00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:14,588 It's the freakin' future!
00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:16,048 It may be the future for you,
00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:18,384 but I can't hook up anything to a float screen
00:04:18,509 --> 00:04:20,386 without at least a laser-seven output.
00:04:20,511 --> 00:04:22,096 You got to be me!
00:04:22,221 --> 00:04:23,847 Science damn it!
00:04:23,973 --> 00:04:26,058 I am so sick of the future!
00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:28,310 T.C., what's wrong?
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:29,478 I'll tell you what's wrong.
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:32,648 I've been waiting 500 years to play the Nintendo Wii,
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:35,693 and if I don't get to play real soon, I'm gonna bust a nut!
00:04:35,818 --> 00:04:37,361 Well, we're all glad you're back.
00:04:37,486 --> 00:04:39,822 I know somebody who's missed you very much.
00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,156 Come on in, K-10!
00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:43,117 Bark, bark.
00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:45,619 Hello, Eric. I have missed you.
00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:48,622 Suck my balls, K-10. I'm not in the mood.
00:04:49,832 --> 00:04:52,918 Fellow atheists, the time child has returned
00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:55,170 with information on our sworn enemies,
00:04:55,296 --> 00:04:57,881 the Allied Atheist Alliance!
00:04:58,007 --> 00:05:01,093 They have started digging for clams in sector J-7.
00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:03,262 If we mount an all-out attack,
00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:05,597 we can wipe out their food supply!
00:05:06,265 --> 00:05:08,225 But those are civilian otters.
00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:10,019 We cannot tolerate the otters!
00:05:10,144 --> 00:05:11,520 Their science is flawed!
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:14,732 Their answer to the great question is different from ours.
00:05:14,857 --> 00:05:18,193 Yes, but sending out all our ships at the same time --
00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:20,195 It would leave our city exposed.
00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:23,240 That's why we have to be super-duper sure
00:05:23,365 --> 00:05:26,160 that nobody finds out we're doing it.
00:05:28,704 --> 00:05:29,913 The United Atheist Alliance
00:05:30,039 --> 00:05:31,999 is about to send out all its defense ships
00:05:32,124 --> 00:05:34,626 to take down the Allied Atheist Alliance's clam fields!
00:05:34,752 --> 00:05:36,045 Praise science!
00:05:36,170 --> 00:05:37,755 This is your chance, young Shpeck,
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:39,506 to avenge your father's death.
00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:40,841 Careful, son.
00:05:40,966 --> 00:05:43,552 Just because their science leads them to a different answer
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:44,762 to the great question
00:05:44,887 --> 00:05:46,889 doesn't mean we have the right to kill them all.
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:47,806 No.
00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:50,976 Our answer to the great question is the only logical one.
00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:52,728 Our science is great.
00:05:53,312 --> 00:05:55,064 Let us not forget the great Richard Dawkins,
00:05:55,189 --> 00:05:57,566 who finally freed the world of religion long ago.
00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:59,360 Dawkins knew that logic and reason
00:05:59,485 --> 00:06:00,694 were the way of the future.
00:06:00,819 --> 00:06:03,614 But it wasn't until he met his beautiful wife
00:06:03,739 --> 00:06:07,326 that he learned using logic and reason isn't enough.
00:06:07,910 --> 00:06:08,911 You have to be a dick
00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:11,914 to everyone who doesn't think like you.
00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:13,916 Prepare all the troops.
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:18,629 We will level the United Atheist Alliance to the ground!
00:06:18,754 --> 00:06:21,215 With new Glade monvert cleaner,
00:06:21,340 --> 00:06:24,426 you can make your monvert sparkle like never before.
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:27,096 My monvert's never looked so clean!
00:06:27,221 --> 00:06:31,141 God, I hate future TV. There's too many commercials!
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:33,477 Ugh. I'm so bored!
00:06:33,602 --> 00:06:35,020 There's nothing to do!
00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:36,188 Tell me about it.
00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:37,189 Hey, I know!
00:06:37,314 --> 00:06:39,316 Let's crank-call people in the past!
00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:39,983 Huh?
00:06:40,109 --> 00:06:42,736 I just got the Crank Prank Timephone!
00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:44,446 ♪ Crank Prank ♪
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:46,198 ♪ Crank Prank Timephone ♪
00:06:46,323 --> 00:06:49,326 New from Zasbro, it's Crank Prank Timephone!
00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:51,495 I just dial a random number on the keypad,
00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:54,623 enter a date and year on the divilibrator, and...
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:57,584 Wow! Someone from the past is on the line!
00:06:57,709 --> 00:07:00,462 Hello. Is your refrigerator running?
00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:02,297 Well, then you better go catch it!
00:07:03,674 --> 00:07:05,008 ♪ Crank Prank ♪
00:07:05,134 --> 00:07:06,593 ♪ Crank Prank Timephone ♪
00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:07,428 What?
00:07:07,553 --> 00:07:10,389 Uh, hi. It's the year 1973, right?
00:07:10,514 --> 00:07:12,808 Could I speak with Al Coholic, please?
00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:16,645 Crank Prank Timephone comes with divilibrator,
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,147 antimatter fusion cone,
00:07:18,272 --> 00:07:20,607 and 30 Blaine H.F. Watt triggers.
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,743 Why didn't anyone tell me there was a timephone?
00:07:31,869 --> 00:07:33,829 Why does it matter? Bark, bark.
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:34,788 Don't you see?
00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:37,416 If I get one of those phones, I can call myself in the past
00:07:37,541 --> 00:07:39,835 and tell me not to freeze myself!
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:44,339 Then I can go back to <i>my</i> time... and play Nintendo Wii.
00:07:44,465 --> 00:07:47,009 Bark, bark! That phone is for crank-calling only.
00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:49,470 Using it in the way you described is illegal.
00:07:49,595 --> 00:07:51,847 I care! Where's the closest toy store?
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:55,601 Working. Bark, bark. The Jarvanian Shopping Complex.
00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:57,478 But it is not open yet.
00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:02,816 Come on.
00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:05,027 Come on!
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,738 <i>Store is now open. Welcome!</i>
00:08:07,863 --> 00:08:08,864 Ugh, finally!
00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:10,407 Welcome to Zeebod's Toys.
00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:12,201 I want one of those timephone things.
00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:14,620 Ah. The Crank Prank Timephone. Sure.
00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:17,247 Now, I am required by the state to make sure you know
00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:19,917 this is for prank-calling the past only, right?
00:08:20,042 --> 00:08:21,585 Yeah, yeah. I'm only gonna crank-call people.
00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:24,421 All right. That'll be 6,000 credits.
00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:25,964 6,000 credits?
00:08:26,089 --> 00:08:28,717 What do I look like to you, a therilium miner?
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,719 This is a pretty advanced piece of equipment.
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:31,845 It's expensive.
00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:34,556 Look, I have to have one of those phones.
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,016 Oh, all right.
00:08:36,141 --> 00:08:38,977 Then I have to have 6,000 credits.
00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:43,357 Bark, bark. I'm sorry, Eric. Bark, bark.
00:08:43,482 --> 00:08:45,234 How about a robot? How much for the robot?
00:08:45,359 --> 00:08:47,528 - Aww. - Sorry, kid.
00:08:47,653 --> 00:08:50,239 You're gonna have to crank-call people in the present.
00:08:50,364 --> 00:08:51,949 Science damn it!
00:08:52,074 --> 00:08:54,034 Wait. K-10.
00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:56,119 Can you access this store's sales records?
00:08:56,245 --> 00:08:58,622 Working. Bark, bark. Accessed.
00:08:58,747 --> 00:09:00,582 I want the name and address of anybody
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:02,584 who's bought a timephone from this guy in the past week.
00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:04,628 Working. Bark, bark.
00:09:06,838 --> 00:09:09,925 The United Atheist Alliance has taken the bait!
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,135 Soon they will send their ships out
00:09:12,261 --> 00:09:14,221 to destroy our decoy clam fields.
00:09:14,346 --> 00:09:15,806 And while their ships are away,
00:09:15,931 --> 00:09:18,308 the United Atheist League intends to attack them.
00:09:18,433 --> 00:09:19,893 Our plan has worked perfectly,
00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:21,853 for when the United Atheist League
00:09:21,979 --> 00:09:23,897 attacks the United Atheist Alliance,
00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:26,358 we will charge in and kill them all!
00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:29,736 Our science, our answer to the great question shall prevail!
00:09:29,861 --> 00:09:30,988 Hail science!
00:09:31,113 --> 00:09:32,114 Hail science!
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:33,657 Hail science!
00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:36,952 And I will personally kill the time child
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:40,622 and eat his entrails on my tummy!
00:09:50,132 --> 00:09:51,592 I'll get it, darling.
00:09:51,717 --> 00:09:53,343 Hello?
00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:54,261 Hello?
00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:57,848 Uh, yes. Hello. I'm calling for Mr. Wall.
00:09:57,973 --> 00:10:00,434 I'm sorry. There's no Mr. Wall here.
00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:02,269 Oh, is Mrs. Wall there?
00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:04,146 No, there are no Walls here.
00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:05,689 Then how does your roof stay up?
00:10:07,149 --> 00:10:08,275 Oh, I see.
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:10,402 Is this the Johnson boys from down the street?
00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:12,362 No. We're from the future!
00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:13,447 Very funny!
00:10:13,572 --> 00:10:15,032 Hi, I'm a pepper, and I'm wondering
00:10:15,157 --> 00:10:16,658 if you'd like to be a pepper, too.
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,619 God darn you!
00:10:19,995 --> 00:10:21,538 - Yeah! - That was a great one!
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:27,711 Hello. I'm with the cubic waste department.
00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:29,880 I need to check your lortran for inhubitors.
00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:32,591 Oh. Okay, I guess.
00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:34,760 Come on in, Bob.
00:10:36,345 --> 00:10:38,597 All right. Just let me use my tools.
00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:41,683 Hey!
00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,560 Stupid assholes!
00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:45,187 ♪ I got your timephone ♪
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:46,355 Bark, bark!
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:49,316 Science H. Logic! What a jerk!
00:10:58,367 --> 00:11:00,952 Silence, otters!
00:11:01,078 --> 00:11:03,080 It's the wise one!
00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:05,749 The wise one speaks!
00:11:06,375 --> 00:11:09,836 This is not the path we should be taking.
00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:12,589 Will more bloodshed end anything?
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:15,592 Wise one, our answer to the great question
00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:17,469 is the only one based on good science!
00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:20,138 Science. Reason.
00:11:20,263 --> 00:11:22,474 Is that really all there is?
00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:24,643 They are not a logical race, wise one!
00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:27,145 They go around chopping down trees for tables
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:29,773 when they have perfectly good tummies to eat on!
00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:31,108 How logical is that?
00:11:31,233 --> 00:11:31,942 Yes!
00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:33,860 The great Dawkins said we cannot tolerate those
00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:35,237 who don't use reason!
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:38,490 How reasonable is it to eat off wood instead of your tummy?
00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:42,202 Well, perhaps the great Dawkins wasn't so wise.
00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:43,537 Oh, he was intelligent.
00:11:43,662 --> 00:11:47,082 But some of the most intelligent otters I've ever known
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:49,459 were completely lacking in common sense.
00:11:49,584 --> 00:11:54,172 Maybe some otters do need to believe in something.
00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:55,757 Who knows?
00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:59,928 Maybe just believing in God makes God exist.
00:12:02,973 --> 00:12:04,474 Kill the wise one!
00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:05,642 Kill the wise one!
00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:07,894 What? No! Wait! Wait!
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:20,407 Oh, God.
00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:26,496 Hello?
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,584 Hello?
00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:34,212 - Am I there? - Who is this?
00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:36,673 There! There! I have me! All right. All right. Listen.
00:12:36,798 --> 00:12:39,968 Listen to me carefully. You need to be patient.
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:42,053 What? Who the hell is this?!
00:12:42,179 --> 00:12:42,929 It's me!
00:12:43,054 --> 00:12:44,181 Me who?
00:12:44,306 --> 00:12:45,515 Me you!
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:46,808 What?
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:47,976 I'm you in the future!
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:49,102 You have to be patient and wait
00:12:49,227 --> 00:12:50,687 for the Nintendo Wii to come out,
00:12:50,812 --> 00:12:51,938 or else you'll wake up in the future
00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:53,523 and have to deal with a bunch of sea otters!
00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:54,941 Oh, very funny, Kyle!
00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,443 It's not Kyle! It's you!
00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:58,445 Yeah? Well, you can go yourself.
00:12:58,570 --> 00:13:00,572 I'm trying to do you a favor, dumb-ass!
00:13:00,697 --> 00:13:01,698 Just listen to me!
00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:02,824 Listen to this!
00:13:04,785 --> 00:13:06,661 Dickhead.
00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:12,834 What an asshole!
00:13:16,546 --> 00:13:18,006 Hello?
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,008 Butters! Butters!
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,052 Eric? Is that you?
00:13:22,177 --> 00:13:23,428 Butters! Butters, listen to me!
00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:24,471 J-Just listen.
00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:26,223 I'm about to come over to your house
00:13:26,348 --> 00:13:28,058 and ask you to help me freeze myself.
00:13:28,183 --> 00:13:29,434 Do not do it!
00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:33,146 Eric, are you playing a joke on me again?
00:13:33,271 --> 00:13:34,606 No! This is not a joke!
00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:37,400 Whatever I say to you, Butters, no matter how hard I try,
00:13:37,526 --> 00:13:39,653 do not do what I tell you.
00:13:39,778 --> 00:13:43,573 But -- But you're here right now!
00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:46,159 Butters! Come on! We got to go!
00:13:46,284 --> 00:13:48,912 No! Don't listen to me! Tell me to go screw myself!
00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:49,788 Huh?
00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:51,540 Come on, Butters! It's gonna get dark!
00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:54,543 But you're telling me not to go with you.
00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,044 What?
00:13:56,711 --> 00:13:58,255 Who the is this?!
00:13:58,380 --> 00:13:59,965 Aw, damn it. Just listen to me!
00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:02,259 If you freeze yourself, you are going to die!
00:14:02,384 --> 00:14:03,343 Suck my balls!
00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:04,803 No, you suck <i>my</i> balls!
00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:06,638 Just listen to me for one minute!
00:14:06,763 --> 00:14:08,557 Okay. You have one minute.
00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:10,225 Right before you left for Butters' house,
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,602 you drank a bunch of Ovaltine and put Clyde Frog in the closet
00:14:12,727 --> 00:14:14,354 so nothing would happen to him, right?
00:14:15,272 --> 00:14:16,523 Are you spying on me?
00:14:16,648 --> 00:14:18,650 No, I <i>am</i> you, you stupid asshole!
00:14:18,775 --> 00:14:20,944 - you, asshole. - You can go yourself.
00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:22,946 Come on, Butters. We're going.
00:14:23,071 --> 00:14:24,698 Oh, all right, then.
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,617 God, I hate that guy!
00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:30,203 My friends, the time has come.
00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:33,540 May science give us the courage to do what we must.
00:14:33,665 --> 00:14:36,334 Launch all defensive ships to sector J-7.
00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:38,837 Take out the otters' clam fields!
00:14:42,924 --> 00:14:46,219 Sir, the United Atheist Alliance has sent out all their ships.
00:14:46,344 --> 00:14:48,680 Their capital is now unprotected.
00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:54,144 Then begin the attack. Science be praised.
00:15:02,152 --> 00:15:06,323 Kill the table-eaters in the name of almighty science!
00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:15,874 Hello?
00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:18,001 Hello? Kyle?
00:15:18,126 --> 00:15:18,835 Hello?
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,378 Yes. Hello, Kyle.
00:15:20,503 --> 00:15:22,339 It's Eric. Uh, how's it going?
00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:23,840 What do you want?
00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:26,092 Kyle, you are the smartest guy I know,
00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:28,011 so I think maybe you're the only person
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:29,137 who can understand this.
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:30,263 You know how earlier today,
00:15:30,388 --> 00:15:31,890 I asked you to help me freeze myself?
00:15:32,015 --> 00:15:33,767 I'm not going to help you freeze yourself, Cartman.
00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:34,893 It's a stupid idea.
00:15:35,018 --> 00:15:37,145 No, see, I <i>know</i> it's a stupid idea,
00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:39,564 because I actually did freeze myself.
00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:41,191 And you were right, Kyle.
00:15:41,316 --> 00:15:43,944 It -- It backfired, and I was frozen for 500 years,
00:15:44,069 --> 00:15:46,404 and now I'm calling you from the future.
00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:49,449 Uh-huh.
00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:51,242 No, really, Kyle, I'm -- I'm seriously.
00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:52,911 Here. Talk to my robot dog.
00:15:53,036 --> 00:15:56,456 Bark, bark. Hello, Kyle. Bark, bark.
00:15:58,208 --> 00:15:59,709 I'm hanging up now.
00:15:59,834 --> 00:16:01,044 No! Kyle, listen, please!
00:16:01,169 --> 00:16:03,421 I think right about now, I'm in my mom's freezer.
00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:05,256 Suck my balls, fat-ass.
00:16:05,382 --> 00:16:08,259 I will. I will suck your balls, Kyle.
00:16:08,385 --> 00:16:10,261 Just stop me from freezing myself,
00:16:10,387 --> 00:16:13,682 and I will get down on my knees, and I will suck your balls.
00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:15,809 I'll suck 'em dry, Kyle.
00:16:15,934 --> 00:16:18,019 Aw, God damn it!
00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:19,354 Now you've made me miss my ride!
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:22,190 My whole day is screwed up because of you!
00:16:23,233 --> 00:16:24,192 Kyle!
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:25,360 Kyle!
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:28,196 Eric, I really think you should stop calling the past.
00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:29,656 You could change the present.
00:16:29,781 --> 00:16:32,283 Well, I don't notice anything different, Kit-9, do you?
00:16:32,409 --> 00:16:35,328 I guess not. Meow, meow.
00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:37,998 Hmm. I see.
00:16:39,249 --> 00:16:41,710 - Ugh! - Meow, meow!
00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:46,840 - Aah! - Meow, meow!
00:16:52,387 --> 00:16:53,304 - Aah! - Meow, meow!
00:16:53,430 --> 00:16:56,016 - T.C., we're under attack! - By who?
00:16:56,141 --> 00:16:58,435 We have to get to the war room! It's the only safe place!
00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:04,441 The United Atheist League is bombing the city!
00:17:04,566 --> 00:17:05,942 We're defenseless!
00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:07,110 This is terrible!
00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:08,319 I'm gonna die in the future
00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:10,071 without ever playing Nintendo Wii?!
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,907 Sir, the sea otters are advancing.
00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:14,743 They've broken through the east portal!
00:17:20,749 --> 00:17:23,209 What?! Three-way fun-chat on screen!
00:17:24,169 --> 00:17:26,713 What are you otters doing? This is <i>our</i> attack!
00:17:26,838 --> 00:17:29,007 Yes, and we are attacking both of you!
00:17:29,132 --> 00:17:31,301 You fools! This will be the end of us all!
00:17:31,426 --> 00:17:33,762 Then accept our answer to the great question,
00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:35,263 and we will withdraw!
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,891 Your answer to the great question is illogical!
00:17:38,016 --> 00:17:39,684 What is the great question?
00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:42,437 What atheists should call themselves.
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:46,566 Unified Atheist League is the most logical name!
00:17:46,691 --> 00:17:49,569 United Atheist Alliance makes more sense!
00:17:49,694 --> 00:17:52,030 No! Allied Atheist Alliance!
00:17:52,155 --> 00:17:53,531 That way it has three A's!
00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:55,325 That is the logical choice!
00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:57,911 So be it. We cannot agree.
00:17:58,036 --> 00:17:58,953 Prepare to die.
00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:01,581 Virad missiles launched, sir!
00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:03,124 I have to get out of here!
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:04,584 Why is everyone in my past so stupid
00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:06,377 that they think I'm crank-calling them?!
00:18:06,503 --> 00:18:07,587 But, Eric, meow, meow,
00:18:07,712 --> 00:18:10,381 you knew the wife of the smartest man in all of history.
00:18:10,507 --> 00:18:11,466 Who?
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:14,052 Your teacher, the one called Garrison.
00:18:14,177 --> 00:18:16,346 Garrison? But he's an asshole!
00:18:20,183 --> 00:18:23,311 Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm a monkey!
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,396 Give this monkey what she wants!
00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:27,148 Oh, Ms. Garrison!
00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:28,441 Damn it!
00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:29,734 Who the hell is calling?
00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:31,778 I'll tell them to call you back.
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:37,117 Garrison residence. Can you call back later, please?
00:18:37,242 --> 00:18:39,786 It's an emergency! It's an emergency!
00:18:39,911 --> 00:18:41,121 An emergency?
00:18:41,246 --> 00:18:43,706 I need to speak with Mr. Garrison right now!
00:18:43,832 --> 00:18:46,459 I'm sorry, but <i>Mr.</i> Garrison has passed away.
00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:48,670 <i>Mrs.</i> Garrison is the only person here,
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,922 and she's rather tied up at the moment.
00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:52,841 Look, asshole! This is a real emergency!
00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:54,759 Just pass the phone to whatever Garrison
00:18:54,884 --> 00:18:57,262 wants to call himself since the sex-change operation!
00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:00,598 Sex-change operation?!
00:19:00,723 --> 00:19:02,100 Uh-oh.
00:19:02,225 --> 00:19:05,311 Ohh! You're a man?!
00:19:05,436 --> 00:19:07,438 Not anymore! I've been fixed!
00:19:07,564 --> 00:19:09,566 Richard, hold on! I can explain!
00:19:09,691 --> 00:19:13,236 Explain?! How could I be so stupid?!
00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:16,531 Richard, come back, please!
00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:20,451 Well, go ahead and leave, you atheist faggot!
00:19:20,577 --> 00:19:24,289 Have fun mocking God in hell, you queer!
00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:26,875 Mr. Garrison? Mr. Garrison?
00:19:32,463 --> 00:19:34,966 All right, Eric. Are you all set to go?
00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:37,302 Go?
00:19:37,427 --> 00:19:39,387 Right. Where am I going?
00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:40,471 We told you.
00:19:40,597 --> 00:19:41,764 We're sending you home
00:19:41,890 --> 00:19:43,641 with the Crank-'n'-Wank Time Machine.
00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:45,268 Don't worry, my son.
00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:46,394 When you return to your time,
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,188 you will merge with your other self.
00:19:48,313 --> 00:19:49,731 It's all very Zen.
00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:51,065 Wait.
00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:53,359 Isn't everybody at war over atheism?
00:19:53,985 --> 00:19:55,403 Atheism? No.
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:58,281 We've learned to get rid of all the isms in our time.
00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:00,366 Yes, long ago we realized
00:20:00,491 --> 00:20:02,869 isms are great for those who are rational.
00:20:02,994 --> 00:20:05,288 But in the hands of irrational people,
00:20:05,413 --> 00:20:07,540 isms always lead to violence.
00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:10,043 So there is no war now in the future?
00:20:10,168 --> 00:20:11,377 Of course there's war!
00:20:11,502 --> 00:20:14,297 The stupid French-Chinese think they have a right to Hawaii!
00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:15,423 Yeah!
00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:19,010 But now the moment has come to send you back to your time.
00:20:20,345 --> 00:20:22,263 We unfroze you for a purpose,
00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:24,682 and now that purpose is fulfilled.
00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:26,100 And what was that purpose again?
00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:28,311 We explained that to you already.
00:20:28,436 --> 00:20:29,520 Right.
00:20:29,646 --> 00:20:32,482 Goodbye, Eric. I will miss you. Squawk, squawk.
00:20:32,607 --> 00:20:34,651 I'll miss you, too, Cocka-3.
00:20:34,776 --> 00:20:37,695 So long, Eric, and tell everyone in the past for us
00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:41,157 that no one single answer is ever the answer.
00:20:45,370 --> 00:20:47,080 Hey!
00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:49,207 I'm back.
00:20:49,332 --> 00:20:51,167 Wow! I'm back!
00:20:51,292 --> 00:20:52,794 There you are, Eric!
00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:54,963 Mom! Mom, they did it!
00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:56,547 Eric, you have to come home.
00:20:56,673 --> 00:20:58,800 You can't just wait here for that game to come out.
00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:00,802 No, I know. You're right, Mom.
00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:03,054 I need to learn to be patient.
00:21:03,179 --> 00:21:06,683 I think I can wait three weeks for Nintendo Wii to come out.
00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:08,476 But, honey, it's only September.
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:12,021 The Nintendo Wii doesn't come out for two months.
00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:13,606 What?
00:21:13,731 --> 00:21:14,941 No!
00:21:15,692 --> 00:21:16,734 No!
00:21:16,859 --> 00:21:18,653 You sent me back too far!
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:20,029 Hey! Do it over!
00:21:20,154 --> 00:21:21,698 Who are you talking to, muffin?
00:21:21,823 --> 00:21:23,908 I can't wait two months! I can't!
00:21:24,033 --> 00:21:25,368 There has to be a way around this!
00:21:25,493 --> 00:21:29,080 Hey, kid, somebody's on the phone for you.
00:21:29,664 --> 00:21:30,748 Hello?
00:21:30,873 --> 00:21:33,334 Hello? Hello?!
00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:36,796 I know what you're thinking. Do not do it!
00:21:36,921 --> 00:21:39,465 You just need to be patient and wait the two months!
00:21:39,590 --> 00:21:40,591 Do you hear me?!
00:21:42,135 --> 00:21:44,637 Oh, suck my balls, Kyle.

00:00:05,827 --> 00:00:23,308 South park 10x13 "Go god Go XII" southpark.org.ru
00:00:30,301 --> 00:00:34,973 Перевод - Eltaron
00:00:34,973 --> 00:00:36,128 Шел год 2006, и юный Эрик Картман не мог дождаться выхода новой приставки Nintendo Wii Перевод - Eltaron
00:00:36,128 --> 00:00:39,253 Шел год 2006, и юный Эрик Картман не мог дождаться выхода новой приставки Nintendo Wii
00:00:39,253 --> 00:00:44,743 Не способный больше ждать, Эрик решил заморозить себя на оставшиеся до выхода три недели
00:00:44,743 --> 00:00:53,683 Но сошедшая лавина накрыла Эрика, и он оставался замороженным целых 500 лет
00:01:52,626 --> 00:01:54,816 Эй, осторожно!
00:01:54,816 --> 00:01:56,466 Сюда, все!
00:01:59,676 --> 00:02:02,276 Вот он, Нью-Нью-Хэмпшир
00:02:02,276 --> 00:02:06,586 Мы очень рискуем, приведя тебя сюдя, Дитя Времени.
00:02:07,446 --> 00:02:11,686 Выдры, вы, конечно, сильно эволюционировали и можете разговаривать, но мне не нужны лекции
00:02:12,766 --> 00:02:15,946 Не выпускайте Дитя Времени из поля зрения. Он может попытаться сбежать.
00:02:16,156 --> 00:02:20,616 У нас сделка, Блэвис, так что пока я получаю то, что хочу, можете не беспокоиться
00:02:23,496 --> 00:02:25,166 Что-то беспокоит страусов
00:02:25,906 --> 00:02:30,116 Конечно. Это земли Монарха. Скорей всего, шпионы Джарвиса повсюду.
00:02:30,116 --> 00:02:31,866 Вот оно! Мы пришли
00:02:31,866 --> 00:02:32,306 Стоп! Вот оно! Мы пришли
00:02:32,306 --> 00:02:32,756 Стоп!
00:02:32,756 --> 00:02:33,926 Вот оно, Дитя Времени!
00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:37,466 Древний политехнический музей, закрытый давным-давно
00:02:38,346 --> 00:02:41,596 Дитя Времени, давай найдем то, что тебе нужно и уйдем отсюда
00:02:46,916 --> 00:02:47,976 Вот она!
00:02:49,716 --> 00:02:53,316 Да, она здесь, она здесь! Nintendo Wii...
00:02:54,946 --> 00:02:57,196 Я так долго этого ждал...
00:02:59,396 --> 00:03:01,796 Все в порядке, Дитя Времени, мы выполнили нашу часть сделки.
00:03:01,796 --> 00:03:03,246 Теперь ты вернешься с нами в Бухту Выдр.
00:03:03,456 --> 00:03:06,666 Извини, Блэвис, у меня другие планы!
00:03:07,496 --> 00:03:08,646 Нееееееет!
00:03:08,646 --> 00:03:10,066 Нас надули!
00:03:10,066 --> 00:03:12,546 Наука тебя подери, Дитя Времени!!!
00:03:15,676 --> 00:03:17,786 Я достал ее! Я достал Nintendo!
00:03:17,786 --> 00:03:19,716 Дитя Времени! ты вернулся!
00:03:19,796 --> 00:03:22,306 Мы были уверены, что ты погиб.
00:03:22,686 --> 00:03:26,276 К счастью для меня, выдры поверили, что я на их стороне.
00:03:26,276 --> 00:03:30,726 Сделайте мне одолжение: я сейчас иду в комнату отдыха, так что не беспокойте меня.
00:03:31,816 --> 00:03:33,816 Дитя Времени, постой!
00:03:35,066 --> 00:03:37,646 Не могу дождаться! Это должно быть потрясно!
00:03:37,646 --> 00:03:39,026 С дороги!
00:03:39,026 --> 00:03:43,446 Ты втерся в доверие к выдрам? Где ты носишь информационный кристалл?
00:03:43,446 --> 00:03:44,326 Здесь.
00:03:44,606 --> 00:03:47,946 Наука будет благодарна. Это может остановить войну!
00:03:47,946 --> 00:03:49,126 Ты сделал прекрасную вещь, Дитя Времени.
00:03:49,496 --> 00:03:50,786 Как можем мы расплатиться с тобой?
00:03:51,456 --> 00:03:53,146 Просто пришлите техника в мою комнату.
00:03:53,146 --> 00:03:56,046 Я хочу, чтобы приставку подключили к моему экрану немедленно!
00:03:57,746 --> 00:04:02,866 Ну давай же, давай! Чувак, не тяни резину! Я хочу играть!
00:04:02,866 --> 00:04:05,266 Хмм, а какой видеовыход у этой приставки?
00:04:05,346 --> 00:04:10,646 Это похоже на какой-то древний S-VHS или что-то в этом духе. Я не смогу подключить его к нашим экранам.
00:04:11,766 --> 00:04:14,686 Но должен быть способ! Это же чертово будущее!
00:04:15,116 --> 00:04:18,456 Для тебя это, может, и будущее, а я не могу подключить к экрану технику
00:04:18,456 --> 00:04:20,486 только с выходом laser-7 или лучше
00:04:20,776 --> 00:04:26,156 Ты задолбал меня! Сраная наука! Как меня бесит ваше сраное будущее!
00:04:26,536 --> 00:04:28,366 Дитя Времени, что случилось?
00:04:28,586 --> 00:04:32,986 Я скажу тебе, что случилось! Я ждал 500 лет, чтоб поиграть в Nintendo Wii!
00:04:32,986 --> 00:04:35,796 И если я не поиграю в нее в ближайшее время, я разобью кому-нибудь голову!
00:04:35,956 --> 00:04:37,616 Ну, мы очень рады, что ты вернулся.
00:04:37,616 --> 00:04:41,756 Я знаю, кто-то очень скучал по тебе. Заходи, K-10.
00:04:42,446 --> 00:04:45,716 Гав гав. Привет, Эрик. Я скучал по тебе.
00:04:45,766 --> 00:04:48,676 Иди в жопу, K-10. Я не в настроении.
00:04:50,056 --> 00:04:55,936 Товарищи атеисты! Дитя Времени вернулось с информацией о наших кровных врагах,
00:04:55,976 --> 00:04:58,316 атеистах из Альянса.
00:04:58,316 --> 00:05:01,236 Они засели в секторе J7.
00:05:01,536 --> 00:05:05,656 Если мы соберем все силы, мы сможем захватить их плодородные поля!
00:05:06,656 --> 00:05:08,326 Но, там есть мирные выдры.
00:05:08,606 --> 00:05:11,916 Наплевать на выдр! Их наука лжива!
00:05:11,916 --> 00:05:14,876 Их ответ на Великий Вопрос не похож на наш.
00:05:15,146 --> 00:05:20,296 Да, но.. если мы отправим все наши корабли, мы оставим наши города без защиты.
00:05:21,076 --> 00:05:26,216 Вот поэтому вы должны быть абсолютно уверены, что никто не знает о наших планах.
00:05:28,976 --> 00:05:32,746 Объединенная Лига Атеистов готовится послать все свои корабли
00:05:32,746 --> 00:05:34,726 чтобы захватить плодородные поля выдр-атеистов.
00:05:35,226 --> 00:05:40,096 Слава науке. Это наш шанс, юный Швек, чтоб отомстить за смерть твоего отца.
00:05:40,096 --> 00:05:44,946 Будь осторожен, сын. То, что их Наука дает им другой ответ на Великий Вопрос
00:05:44,946 --> 00:05:47,316 еще не значит, что у нас есть право убить их всех.
00:05:47,316 --> 00:05:52,786 Нет! Наш ответ на Великий Вопрос - единственный! Наша Наука велика!
00:05:53,446 --> 00:05:57,666 Давай не будем забывать великого Ричарда Доукинса, который давным-давно окончательно очистил мир от религии
00:05:58,266 --> 00:06:00,796 Доукинс знал, что логика и разум - это сила будущего.
00:06:01,306 --> 00:06:07,386 Но это было до того, как он встретил свою прекрасную жену и понял, что одних лишь логики и разума недостаточно.
00:06:08,096 --> 00:06:12,016 Мы должны быть тверды с теми, кто не думает так, как мы.
00:06:12,536 --> 00:06:18,766 Подготовить все наши войска! Мы сравняем Альянс с землей!
00:06:19,596 --> 00:06:24,606 С новым очистителем манды ваша манда засияет, как накогда раньше.
00:06:24,946 --> 00:06:27,156 Моя манда никогда не была такой чистой.
00:06:27,876 --> 00:06:31,246 Господи, ненавижу телевизор! Сплошная реклама!
00:06:32,366 --> 00:06:33,866 Ааа... как мне скучно...
00:06:33,866 --> 00:06:35,076 Совершенно нечем заняться.
00:06:35,426 --> 00:06:36,536 И не говори...
00:06:36,626 --> 00:06:40,086 О, я знаю! Давайте прикалываться над людьми в прошлом!
00:06:40,546 --> 00:06:41,366 У меня есть
00:06:41,366 --> 00:06:43,296 Телефон временнОго хулигана!
00:06:46,346 --> 00:06:49,616 Новинка из Бласбро, телефон временного хулигана.
00:06:49,616 --> 00:06:55,156 Я просто набираю случайный номер, ввожу дату и время, и...
00:06:55,156 --> 00:06:58,296 Вау! Кто-то из прошлого на проводе!
00:06:58,296 --> 00:07:01,226 Алло? У вас идут часы?
00:07:01,226 --> 00:07:02,776 Ну тогда бегите, ловите их!
00:07:06,986 --> 00:07:07,526 Что?
00:07:07,616 --> 00:07:10,486 Эмм, привет. Это же 1973й год, правда?
00:07:10,826 --> 00:07:14,426 Могу я поговорить с Ал Каголиком?
00:07:14,456 --> 00:07:17,066 Телефон временнОго хулигана поставляется вместе с дебилибратором
00:07:17,066 --> 00:07:20,706 коническим уничтожителем антивещества и 30 плоскими полуваттными триггерами!
00:07:20,746 --> 00:07:23,376 Внимание! Телефон временнОго хулигана предназначен только для развлечений.
00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:26,896 Любые другие звонки, кроме пранков, могут повлиять на окружающую действительность и, в итоге, на ваше существование
00:07:26,896 --> 00:07:28,926 Телефон временного хулигана не предназначен для использования выдрами.
00:07:30,006 --> 00:07:32,216 Почему никто не говорил мне, что здесь есть временнОй телефон?
00:07:32,216 --> 00:07:34,066 А разве это важно? Гав-Гав.
00:07:34,066 --> 00:07:40,676 Ты что, не видел? Если я возьму такой телефон, то смогу позвонить в прошлое и не дать мне заморозить себя.
00:07:40,676 --> 00:07:44,396 Затем, я смогу вернуться в свое время и поиграть в Nintendo Wii
00:07:44,456 --> 00:07:49,526 Гав гав. Эта штука только для хулиганства. То, что ты описал незаконно.
00:07:49,816 --> 00:07:51,946 Знаю! Где ближайший магазин игрушек?
00:07:52,336 --> 00:07:57,536 Думаю, гав гав... Он в Ярванском торговый центр. Но тот еще не открылся.
00:08:01,966 --> 00:08:05,086 Давай, давай!
00:08:05,526 --> 00:08:07,836 Магазин открывается... Добро пожаловать!
00:08:08,486 --> 00:08:08,926 Ура, наконец-то!
00:08:09,106 --> 00:08:10,886 Рады вас видеть в "Игрушках Зибода"
00:08:10,886 --> 00:08:12,296 Я хочу временной телефон!
00:08:12,506 --> 00:08:15,036 Ааа, телефон временного хулигана. Конечно.
00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:20,016 Я обязан вас предупредить, что он должен использоваться только для хулиганства, вы понимаете?
00:08:20,316 --> 00:08:21,686 Да-да, я просто собираюсь приколоться.
00:08:22,266 --> 00:08:24,526 Отлично, он стоит всего 6000 кредов.
00:08:24,836 --> 00:08:28,816 Шесть тысяч кредов! Кто я по вашему?! Туриллианский шахтер?
00:08:29,086 --> 00:08:31,946 Это отличная вещь. Она должна быть дорогой!
00:08:31,986 --> 00:08:34,616 Но мне нужен, очень нужен такой телефон!
00:08:35,206 --> 00:08:39,036 Замечательно, ну а мне очень нужны 6000 кредов.
00:08:40,076 --> 00:08:43,756 Гав-гав, мне очень жаль, Эрик, гав-гав.
00:08:43,756 --> 00:08:46,636 How about a robot? How much for the robot? Как насчет робота? Почем возьмете робота?
00:08:47,166 --> 00:08:50,336 Прости, дитя, но тебе придется довольствоваться звонками современникам.
00:08:50,896 --> 00:08:52,586 Сраная наука!
00:08:52,586 --> 00:08:56,446 Погоди! K-10, ты можешь получить доступ к журналу регистрации продаж?
00:08:56,446 --> 00:08:59,336 Думаю, гав-гав... Доступ получен.
00:08:59,336 --> 00:09:03,016 Я хочу имя и адрес кого-нибудь, кто купил временной телефон на прошлой неделе.
00:09:03,016 --> 00:09:04,726 Думаю, гав-гав.
00:09:07,426 --> 00:09:10,136 Атеисты из Альянса заглотили наживку!
00:09:10,136 --> 00:09:14,326 Скоро они пришлют все свои корабли чтобы уничтожить плодородные поля.
00:09:14,726 --> 00:09:18,446 А пока их корабли отсутствуют, Лига атакует их города!
00:09:18,696 --> 00:09:20,756 Наш план сработал превосходно!
00:09:20,756 --> 00:09:27,026 А когда Лига атеистов нападет на Альянс, мы подключимся и уничтожим всех!
00:09:27,026 --> 00:09:29,796 Наша Наука, наш ответ на Великий Вопрос победят!
00:09:30,066 --> 00:09:33,756 Слава Науке! Слава Науке! Слава Науке!
00:09:34,196 --> 00:09:41,636 И я лично убью Дитя Времени и сожру его кишки!
00:09:50,478 --> 00:09:52,018 Я возьму, дорогая.
00:09:52,018 --> 00:09:54,228 Алло? Алло?
00:09:54,798 --> 00:09:57,818 Алло? Могу я поговорить с мистером Стенкой?
00:09:58,398 --> 00:10:00,408 Извините, но здесь нет мистера Стенки.
00:10:00,698 --> 00:10:02,238 Ой, а можно тогда миссис Стенку?
00:10:02,278 --> 00:10:04,158 Нет, здесь вообще нет Стенок.
00:10:04,368 --> 00:10:06,038 А как тогда держится ваша крыша?
00:10:07,158 --> 00:10:10,368 А, я догадался! Это братья Джонсон с нашей улицы?
00:10:10,868 --> 00:10:12,418 Нет, мы из будущего.
00:10:12,578 --> 00:10:13,378 Очень смешно!
00:10:13,918 --> 00:10:16,588 <i>Эй, здрасьте, Я Перец, и, думаю, вы тоже не прочь задать перцу? (игра слов)</i>
00:10:16,958 --> 00:10:18,588 Черт вас побери!
00:10:20,628 --> 00:10:22,598 Это было классно!
00:10:25,848 --> 00:10:29,808 Привет, я сантехник и мне нужно проверить ваши трубы.
00:10:30,808 --> 00:10:32,558 Аа... Ну, проходите.
00:10:33,098 --> 00:10:35,798 Заходи, Боб.
00:10:36,478 --> 00:10:38,688 Так, сейчас я достану инструменты...
00:10:41,948 --> 00:10:45,198 Ха-ха! Тупые придурки! Я добрался до вашего телефона!
00:10:46,278 --> 00:10:49,288 О, святая наука! Обвел как сопляков!
00:10:58,528 --> 00:11:00,968 Тихо, выдры!
00:11:01,808 --> 00:11:05,758 Это Мудрейший! Мудрейший говорит!
00:11:06,608 --> 00:11:12,558 Это не тот путь, по которому мы должны пойти. Разве кровопролитие решит что-нибудь?
00:11:13,438 --> 00:11:17,358 Но Мудрейший, только наш ответ на Великий Вопрос основан на истинной науке
00:11:17,898 --> 00:11:22,488 Наука, разум, разве они еще остались?
00:11:22,738 --> 00:11:24,868 Но они низшая, нелогичная раса, о Мудрейший!
00:11:24,868 --> 00:11:29,908 Они рубят деревья и делают из них столы, хотя могут есть прямо на животе, как мы.
00:11:29,908 --> 00:11:31,118 Разве это логично?
00:11:31,328 --> 00:11:31,798 Да!
00:11:31,798 --> 00:11:35,248 Великий Доукинс сказал, что мы не должны терпеть тех, кто не использует разум!
00:11:35,248 --> 00:11:38,458 А разве ж разумно есть с дерева, если можно с живота?
00:11:38,958 --> 00:11:42,368 Что ж, возможно, великий Доукинс не был так уж мудр.
00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:47,128 Нет, конечно, он был одним из умнейших людей,
00:11:47,128 --> 00:11:49,388 но многим умнейшим недостает чувствительности.
00:11:50,658 --> 00:11:54,598 Может быть, некоторым выдрам все-таки нужно верить во что-нибудь?
00:11:54,598 --> 00:11:55,918 Кто знает...
00:11:55,918 --> 00:11:59,898 Может быть, простая вера в Бога делает Бога реальным?
00:12:03,318 --> 00:12:05,608 Убьем Мудрейшего!
00:12:05,838 --> 00:12:07,708 Эй, постойте!
00:12:18,618 --> 00:12:20,758 Господи!
00:12:25,798 --> 00:12:27,918 Алло?
00:12:29,738 --> 00:12:30,928 Алло?
00:12:32,658 --> 00:12:33,418 Эй, кто там?
00:12:33,418 --> 00:12:34,518 Кто это?
00:12:34,518 --> 00:12:36,118 Отлично, я связался с собой.
00:12:36,118 --> 00:12:39,978 Хорошо, хорошо, слушай! Слушай меня внимательно! Наберись терпения!
00:12:40,248 --> 00:12:42,018 Что?? Что, черт возьми, происходит?!
00:12:42,228 --> 00:12:42,938 Это я.
00:12:43,528 --> 00:12:44,148 Я кто?!
00:12:44,738 --> 00:12:45,398 Я ты!
00:12:46,278 --> 00:12:46,738 Что?!
00:12:46,968 --> 00:12:48,118 Я - это ты из будущего!
00:12:48,118 --> 00:12:50,718 Ты должен набраться терпения и дождаться выхода Nintendo Wii,
00:12:50,718 --> 00:12:53,578 или же однажды ты проснешься в будущем и будешь заключать сделку со стаей выдр!
00:12:53,698 --> 00:12:54,908 Очень смешно, Кайл!
00:12:55,118 --> 00:12:56,458 Это не Кайл, это ты!
00:12:56,748 --> 00:12:58,418 Да? Можешь пойти и трахнуть себя в жопу!
00:12:58,748 --> 00:13:01,668 Я пытаюсь помочь тебе, тупица! Просто послушай меня!
00:13:01,918 --> 00:13:02,958 Послушай это!
00:13:04,768 --> 00:13:06,478 Членосос.
00:13:10,988 --> 00:13:12,718 Ну и говнюк!
00:13:16,558 --> 00:13:18,128 Алло?
00:13:18,808 --> 00:13:20,398 Баттерc! Баттерс!
00:13:20,398 --> 00:13:22,228 Эрик? Это ты?
00:13:22,228 --> 00:13:24,788 Баттерс, Баттерс! Выслушай меня! Просто выслушай.
00:13:24,788 --> 00:13:29,408 Я собираюсь прийти к тебе домой и попросить помочь заморозить себя. Не соглашайся, не делай этого!
00:13:31,088 --> 00:13:33,118 Эрик, ты снова хочешь подшутить надо мной?
00:13:33,348 --> 00:13:34,858 Нет! Это не шутка!
00:13:34,858 --> 00:13:39,668 Что бы я ни говорил, как бы ни старался, не делай! Что бы я ни говорил!
00:13:40,418 --> 00:13:41,668 Но...
00:13:41,668 --> 00:13:44,418 Но ты здесь прямо сейчас.
00:13:44,418 --> 00:13:46,128 Баттерс! Выходи, нам нужно идти!
00:13:46,398 --> 00:13:48,928 Нет, не слушай меня! Скажи мне, чтоб трахал себя в задницу!
00:13:49,868 --> 00:13:51,908 Пойдем, Баттерс! Темнеет.
00:13:51,908 --> 00:13:54,888 Но ты сказал мне не идти с тобой.
00:13:54,888 --> 00:13:57,228 Что??
00:13:57,228 --> 00:13:58,448 Что, черт возьми, это?!
00:13:58,448 --> 00:14:02,228 Аа, черт, просто выслушай меня! Если ты заморозишь себя, то умрешь!
00:14:02,308 --> 00:14:03,308 Поцелуй мои яйца!
00:14:03,438 --> 00:14:06,608 Нет, это ты целуй мои яйца! Просто послушай меня одну минуту!
00:14:07,358 --> 00:14:08,568 ОК, у тебя минута.
00:14:09,108 --> 00:14:14,328 Прямо перед тем, как ты пошел к Баттерсу, ты выпил кружку какао и спрятал лягушонка Клойда так, чтобы с ним ничего не произошло, я прав?
00:14:15,408 --> 00:14:16,488 Ты шпионил за мной?!
00:14:16,698 --> 00:14:18,658 Нет, я - это ты, тупая задница!
00:14:18,828 --> 00:14:21,418 Иди в жопу, говнюк! Иди и трахни себя жопу!
00:14:21,418 --> 00:14:23,538 Давай, Баттерс, мы выходим!
00:14:23,538 --> 00:14:24,628 Ээээ, ладно, сейчас.
00:14:25,588 --> 00:14:27,458 О Боже, я ненавижу этого идиота!
00:14:28,258 --> 00:14:30,298 Друзья мои, время пришло!
00:14:30,298 --> 00:14:33,508 Наука, дай нам отвагу сделать то, что мы должны!
00:14:33,818 --> 00:14:36,618 Отправить все корабли в сектор J7!
00:14:36,618 --> 00:14:38,768 Захватим плодородные поля выдр!
00:14:42,908 --> 00:14:48,568 Сэр! Альянс отправил все свои корабли. Их столица осталась без защиты.
00:14:49,778 --> 00:14:54,118 Начинаем атаку! Храни нас Наука!
00:15:02,158 --> 00:15:08,238 Убьем столоедов! Во имя Всесильной Науки!
00:15:15,008 --> 00:15:16,488 Алло?
00:15:16,488 --> 00:15:18,308 Алло! Кайл?
00:15:18,308 --> 00:15:18,848 Да?
00:15:19,178 --> 00:15:22,348 Привет, Кайлл! Это Эрик. Как дела?
00:15:22,848 --> 00:15:23,808 Чего ты хочешь?!
00:15:24,438 --> 00:15:29,308 Кайл, ты самый умный из тех, кого я знаю, и я думаю, что ты единственный, кто сможет понять...
00:15:29,308 --> 00:15:31,858 Ты помнишь, как недавно я просил тебя помочь заморозиться?
00:15:31,988 --> 00:15:34,858 Я не собираюсь помогать тебе, Картман! Это дурацкая идея!
00:15:35,318 --> 00:15:40,618 Нет, стой, я знаю, что это дурацкая идея. Потому что я на самом деле заморозил себя, и...
00:15:40,618 --> 00:15:41,788 ты был прав, Кайл,
00:15:41,788 --> 00:15:46,288 что-то случилось, и я был заморожен 500 лет, и теперь звоню тебе из будущего.
00:15:49,548 --> 00:15:53,058 Нет, Кайл, я серьезно! Вот, поговори с моей робособакой.
00:15:53,058 --> 00:15:56,388 Гав-гав. Привет, Кайл. Гав-гав.
00:15:58,348 --> 00:15:59,638 Я вешаю трубку.
00:15:59,758 --> 00:16:03,388 Нет, Кайл, послушай! Пожалуйста! Я в морозилке своей мамы.
00:16:03,758 --> 00:16:05,228 Поцелуй мои яйца, жирдяй.
00:16:05,768 --> 00:16:08,478 Я... Я поцелую твои яйца, Кайл!
00:16:08,478 --> 00:16:13,798 Просто не дай не заморозить себя, и я паду на колени и поцелую тебе яйца.
00:16:13,798 --> 00:16:15,738 Я тебе их зацелую досуха, Кайл!
00:16:17,328 --> 00:16:22,198 Аа, черт побери, сейчас я из-за тебя упустил автобус! Целый день псу под хвост из-за тебя!
00:16:23,348 --> 00:16:26,058 Кайл?
00:16:26,058 --> 00:16:29,858 Эрик, я думаю, что тебе хватит звонить в прошлое. Ты можешь изменить настоящее.
00:16:29,858 --> 00:16:32,678 Well I don't notice anything different, KIT-9! Do you? Ну, я не вижу никаких изменений, КИТ-9, а ты?
00:16:32,678 --> 00:16:36,228 Я пока тоже, мяу-мяу.
00:16:36,228 --> 00:16:37,868 Хмм, да уж...
00:16:40,238 --> 00:16:41,228 Ой! Мяу-мяу.
00:16:53,526 --> 00:16:54,976 Дитя Времени! На нас напали!
00:16:55,326 --> 00:16:55,976 Кто?!
00:16:56,256 --> 00:16:58,436 Мы должны укрыться в центре управления! Это единственное безопасное место!
00:17:02,506 --> 00:17:05,906 Лига атеистов бомбит город! Мы беззащитны!
00:17:06,326 --> 00:17:10,076 Это ужасно! Я умру в будущем так и не поиграв в Nintendo Wii?
00:17:10,706 --> 00:17:14,666 Сэр! Морские выдры нападают! Они прорвались сквозь восточные ворота!
00:17:20,896 --> 00:17:23,086 Что? Трехсторонний телефон на экран!
00:17:24,256 --> 00:17:26,756 Что делают выдры? Это наша атака!
00:17:26,756 --> 00:17:28,926 Да, и мы атакуем вас обоих!
00:17:29,046 --> 00:17:31,306 Вы дураки! Это будет конец всем!
00:17:31,846 --> 00:17:35,226 Примите наш ответ на Великий Вопрос, и мы отступим.
00:17:35,436 --> 00:17:37,856 Ваш ответ на Великий Вопрос нелогичен!
00:17:38,366 --> 00:17:40,346 Что за Великий Вопрос?
00:17:40,346 --> 00:17:42,396 "Как должны называть себя атеисты".
00:17:42,666 --> 00:17:46,486 Международная Лига Атеистов наиболее логичное название.
00:17:46,736 --> 00:17:49,576 Нет, Объединенный Альянс Атеистов намного лучше.
00:17:49,746 --> 00:17:55,966 Нет! Авторитарный Альянс Атеистов! Таким образом, у нас будет три "А". Самый логичный выбор!
00:17:55,966 --> 00:17:59,546 Ну что ж, мы не можем согласиться. Приготовьтесь к смерти!
00:17:59,796 --> 00:18:01,546 Они запустили ракеты, сэр!
00:18:02,006 --> 00:18:03,356 Я должен выбраться отсюда!
00:18:03,356 --> 00:18:06,536 Почему все в моем времени так тупы, что думают, что я телефонный хулиган?
00:18:06,536 --> 00:18:10,696 Но Эрик, мяу-мяу, ты же знаешь жену умнейшего человека в истории.
00:18:10,696 --> 00:18:11,076 Кого это? Но Эрик, мяу-мяу, ты же знаешь жену умнейшего человека в истории.
00:18:11,076 --> 00:18:11,516 Кого это?
00:18:11,516 --> 00:18:14,126 Твоего учителя, мисс Гаррисон.
00:18:14,126 --> 00:18:16,346 Гаррисон? Но она задница!
00:18:20,976 --> 00:18:25,356 О да, да, я обезьяна! Дай обезьяне то, что она хочет!
00:18:25,406 --> 00:18:27,116 О, мисс Гаррисон!
00:18:28,116 --> 00:18:29,736 Ну кто там, черт возьми, еще звонит?
00:18:30,386 --> 00:18:33,826 Я попрошу их... перезвонить... о... да!
00:18:33,826 --> 00:18:37,916 Это дом Гаррисон. Немогли бы вы... перезвонить позже?
00:18:37,916 --> 00:18:40,166 Это срочно! Срочно!
00:18:40,166 --> 00:18:41,086 Срочно?
00:18:41,296 --> 00:18:43,716 Я должен немедленно поговорить с мистером Гаррисоном!
00:18:43,836 --> 00:18:46,926 Я боюсь, мистера Гаррисона умер.
00:18:46,926 --> 00:18:50,886 Здесь только миссис Гаррисон, но она сейчас занята.
00:18:51,136 --> 00:18:53,346 Послушай, говнюк, это в очень, очень срочно!
00:18:53,346 --> 00:18:57,226 Просто передайте телефон тому, кем называет себя Гаррисон после смены пола!
00:18:58,726 --> 00:19:01,556 Смены пола??
00:19:03,856 --> 00:19:05,806 Ооооооо! Ты мужчина?!
00:19:05,806 --> 00:19:07,406 Уже нет. Я исправилась.
00:19:07,696 --> 00:19:09,566 Ричард, погоди! Я могу объяснить.
00:19:09,766 --> 00:19:13,156 Объяснить что? То, почему я такой тупица?
00:19:14,266 --> 00:19:16,226 Ричард, вернись, пожалуйста!
00:19:17,916 --> 00:19:24,206 Ну и проваливай, ты, атеистичный педрила! Удачи тебе в Аду! Гомосек!
00:19:25,176 --> 00:19:28,606 Мистер Гаррисон! Мистер Гаррисон!
00:19:33,126 --> 00:19:35,186 Все в порядке, Эрик. Ты готов идти?
00:19:36,756 --> 00:19:40,386 Идти... так... куда я иду?
00:19:40,386 --> 00:19:44,486 Мы отправим тебя домой при помощи нашей Машины Времени.
00:19:44,486 --> 00:19:48,716 Не беспокойся, когда ты вернешься в свое время, ты вольешься в того другого себя.
00:19:48,716 --> 00:19:49,906 Это все очень просто.
00:19:50,746 --> 00:19:54,416 Подождите... А как же война за атеизм?
00:19:54,416 --> 00:19:58,546 Атеизм? Нет, мы избавились от всех -измов.
00:19:59,006 --> 00:20:03,346 Да, давным-давно мы поняли, что -измы хороши для тех, кто разумен
00:20:03,346 --> 00:20:07,766 но в руках неразумных людей -измы всегда приводят к насилию.
00:20:08,516 --> 00:20:10,786 И поэтому у вас в будущем нет войн?
00:20:10,786 --> 00:20:14,516 Ну конечно же у нас есть войны! Тупые франко-китайцы уверены, что у них есть права на Гавайи!
00:20:16,516 --> 00:20:19,396 Но сейчас настал момент отправить тебя в твое время.
00:20:20,816 --> 00:20:24,946 Мы разморозили тебя для великой цели, и сейчас цель эта достигнута.
00:20:25,116 --> 00:20:26,366 Так, а что это за цель?
00:20:26,576 --> 00:20:28,536 Мы же уже объяснили тебе.
00:20:28,996 --> 00:20:30,076 Таааак....
00:20:30,076 --> 00:20:33,026 Прощай, Эрик! Я буду скучать! Ку-ку
00:20:33,026 --> 00:20:34,916 Я тоже буду скучать, КОКА-3.
00:20:35,126 --> 00:20:43,966 Прощай, Эрик! И скажи всем в прошлом, что нет единственного ответа, есть просто ответ.
00:20:48,586 --> 00:20:52,056 Я вернулся! Вау! Я вернулся!
00:20:52,206 --> 00:20:53,346 А вот и ты, Эрик.
00:20:53,346 --> 00:20:55,506 Мама! Мама, они сделали это!
00:20:55,506 --> 00:20:59,256 Эрик, ты вернулся домой. Ты не можешь просто ждать, пока игра не выйдет.
00:20:59,256 --> 00:21:03,426 Нет, я знаю. Мама, ты права. Я должен научиться терпению.
00:21:03,426 --> 00:21:07,116 Я думаю, я смогу подождать три недели до выхода Nintendo Wii.
00:21:07,116 --> 00:21:12,566 Но дорогой, сейчас только сентябрь. Значит... Nintendo Wii выйдет только через два месяца.
00:21:12,566 --> 00:21:14,286 Что?
00:21:14,286 --> 00:21:17,676 Нееет! Неееееет!!
00:21:17,676 --> 00:21:20,706 Вы отправили меня слишком далеко!! Эй! Верните меня!
00:21:20,706 --> 00:21:22,116 С кем это ты разговариваешь, пупсик?
00:21:22,116 --> 00:21:26,406 Я не могу ждать два месяца! Я не могу! Должен быть другой путь!
00:21:26,406 --> 00:21:29,306 Эй, парень, тебя к телефону.
00:21:30,126 --> 00:21:31,326 Алло?
00:21:31,326 --> 00:21:33,516 Алло? Алло?
00:21:34,226 --> 00:21:35,686 Я знаю, о чем ты думаешь!
00:21:35,686 --> 00:21:37,376 Не делай этого!
00:21:37,376 --> 00:21:40,816 Ты должен набраться терпения и подождать два месяца. Слышишь меня?
00:21:42,526 --> 00:21:45,566 Ой, поцелуй мои яйца, Кайл!

00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:12,013 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:13,681 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:13,806 --> 00:00:15,349 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:15,474 --> 00:00:18,561 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,271 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,396 --> 00:00:21,605 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
00:00:21,731 --> 00:00:25,109 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:25,234 --> 00:00:28,362 Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
00:00:28,487 --> 00:00:32,992 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:36,704 MAN: The year is 2006,
00:00:36,829 --> 00:00:38,831 and young Eric Cartman cannot wait
00:00:38,956 --> 00:00:40,875 for the new Nintendo Wii to come out.
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,794 Unable to cope with the wait any longer,
00:00:43,919 --> 00:00:46,505 Eric decides to freeze himself for three weeks.
00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:49,675 But a freak avalanche makes Eric impossible to find,
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:54,638 and so he remains frozen for 500 years.
00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:58,684 [ "Buck Rogers in the 25th Century" theme plays ]
00:01:18,788 --> 00:01:21,665 [ Music continues ]
00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:43,062 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
00:01:43,187 --> 00:01:46,107 [ Birds, insects chirping ]
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,238 [ Squawks ]
00:01:52,363 --> 00:01:54,031 Whoa! Steady!
00:01:54,156 --> 00:01:56,408 This way, otters!
00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:02,039 This is it -- New New Hampshire.
00:02:02,164 --> 00:02:05,209 We have risked much bringing you here, time child.
00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:07,628 Can it.
00:02:07,753 --> 00:02:09,839 You otters may have evolved to the point you can talk,
00:02:09,964 --> 00:02:11,674 but I don't need lectures.
00:02:12,383 --> 00:02:14,468 Don't let the time child out of your sight.
00:02:14,593 --> 00:02:15,845 He could try to run.
00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:17,596 We have a deal, Blavius.
00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:21,100 As long as I get what I want, you have nothing to worry about.
00:02:21,225 --> 00:02:23,227 [ Squawking ]
00:02:23,352 --> 00:02:25,062 Something is spooking the ostriches.
00:02:25,187 --> 00:02:27,398 Sure. This is monarch land now.
00:02:27,523 --> 00:02:29,567 Probably jarvis probes everywhere.
00:02:29,692 --> 00:02:31,485 Here it is! We have arrived!
00:02:31,610 --> 00:02:32,486 Hold!
00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:36,115 This is it, time child -- the old Museum of Technology,
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:37,408 abandoned long ago.
00:02:37,992 --> 00:02:41,537 Let's get what you want, time child, and get out of here.
00:02:43,956 --> 00:02:46,292 [ Music continues ]
00:02:46,417 --> 00:02:47,918 Over here!
00:02:49,044 --> 00:02:50,671 Yes! Here! I-It's here!
00:02:51,463 --> 00:02:53,299 The Nintendo Wii.
00:02:54,884 --> 00:02:57,136 I've waited so long for this.
00:02:58,888 --> 00:02:59,805 All right, time child.
00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:01,432 We've filled our side of the bargain.
00:03:01,557 --> 00:03:03,142 Now return with us to Otter Bay.
00:03:03,267 --> 00:03:05,144 Sorry, Blavius. I've got other plans.
00:03:05,269 --> 00:03:06,604 [ Beeping ]
00:03:07,188 --> 00:03:08,355 No!
00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:09,523 It was a trick!
00:03:09,648 --> 00:03:12,526 Science damn you, time child!
00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:17,364 I got it! I got the Wii!
00:03:17,489 --> 00:03:19,617 MAN: Time child, you've returned!
00:03:19,742 --> 00:03:22,203 We thought for sure you had died in the thobart plant!
00:03:22,328 --> 00:03:25,289 Yeah. Lucky for me the otters believed I was on their side.
00:03:25,956 --> 00:03:26,916 Do me a favor.
00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:28,500 Next time I'm in a recessed biocave,
00:03:28,626 --> 00:03:30,669 don't send me a level-two homing call.
00:03:31,629 --> 00:03:33,756 T.C., wait!
00:03:34,340 --> 00:03:36,926 Oh, I can't wait! This is gonna be so awesome!
00:03:37,051 --> 00:03:38,594 Get out of my way!
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:40,471 You gained the otters' trust?!
00:03:40,596 --> 00:03:42,890 Were you wearing an information crystal?
00:03:43,015 --> 00:03:44,225 Here.
00:03:44,350 --> 00:03:47,478 Science be praised. This could end the war!
00:03:47,603 --> 00:03:50,648 You've done a great thing, T.C. How can we repay you?
00:03:50,773 --> 00:03:52,942 Just send a maintenance guy to my room!
00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:56,528 I want this Nintendo hooked up to my float screen now!
00:03:57,238 --> 00:03:58,656 Come on.
00:03:58,781 --> 00:03:59,949 Come on!
00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:02,576 Dude, what is taking so long? I want to play!
00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:05,162 Uh, what kind of output does this have?
00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:08,082 This is some ancient super-VHS output or something.
00:04:08,207 --> 00:04:10,542 I can't connect it to your float screen.
00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:13,045 There's got to be some way to hook it up!
00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:14,588 It's the freakin' future!
00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:16,048 It may be the future for you,
00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:18,384 but I can't hook up anything to a float screen
00:04:18,509 --> 00:04:20,386 without at least a laser-seven output.
00:04:20,511 --> 00:04:22,096 You got to be [bleep] me!
00:04:22,221 --> 00:04:23,847 Science damn it!
00:04:23,973 --> 00:04:26,058 I am so [bleep] sick of the future!
00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:28,310 T.C., what's wrong?
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:29,478 I'll tell you what's wrong.
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:32,648 I've been waiting 500 years to play the Nintendo Wii,
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:35,693 and if I don't get to play real soon, I'm gonna bust a nut!
00:04:35,818 --> 00:04:37,361 Well, we're all glad you're back.
00:04:37,486 --> 00:04:39,822 I know somebody who's missed you very much.
00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,156 Come on in, K-10!
00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:43,117 - [ Light music plays ] - Bark, bark.
00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:45,619 Hello, Eric. I have missed you.
00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:48,622 Suck my balls, K-10. I'm not in the mood.
00:04:49,832 --> 00:04:52,918 Fellow atheists, the time child has returned
00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:55,170 with information on our sworn enemies,
00:04:55,296 --> 00:04:57,881 the Allied Atheist Alliance!
00:04:58,007 --> 00:05:01,093 They have started digging for clams in sector J-7.
00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:03,262 If we mount an all-out attack,
00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:05,597 we can wipe out their food supply!
00:05:06,265 --> 00:05:08,225 But those are civilian otters.
00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:10,019 We cannot tolerate the otters!
00:05:10,144 --> 00:05:11,520 Their science is flawed!
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:14,732 Their answer to the great question is different from ours.
00:05:14,857 --> 00:05:18,193 Yes, but sending out all our ships at the same time --
00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:20,195 It would leave our city exposed.
00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:23,240 That's why we have to be super-duper sure
00:05:23,365 --> 00:05:26,160 that nobody finds out we're doing it.
00:05:28,704 --> 00:05:29,913 The United Atheist Alliance
00:05:30,039 --> 00:05:31,999 is about to send out all its defense ships
00:05:32,124 --> 00:05:34,626 to take down the Allied Atheist Alliance's clam fields!
00:05:34,752 --> 00:05:36,045 Praise science!
00:05:36,170 --> 00:05:37,755 This is your chance, young Shpeck,
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:39,506 to avenge your father's death.
00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:40,841 Careful, son.
00:05:40,966 --> 00:05:43,552 Just because their science leads them to a different answer
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:44,762 to the great question
00:05:44,887 --> 00:05:46,889 doesn't mean we have the right to kill them all.
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:47,806 No.
00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:50,976 Our answer to the great question is the only logical one.
00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:52,728 Our science is great.
00:05:53,312 --> 00:05:55,064 Let us not forget the great Richard Dawkins,
00:05:55,189 --> 00:05:57,566 who finally freed the world of religion long ago.
00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:59,360 Dawkins knew that logic and reason
00:05:59,485 --> 00:06:00,694 were the way of the future.
00:06:00,819 --> 00:06:03,614 But it wasn't until he met his beautiful wife
00:06:03,739 --> 00:06:07,326 that he learned using logic and reason isn't enough.
00:06:07,910 --> 00:06:08,911 You have to be a dick
00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:11,914 to everyone who doesn't think like you.
00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:13,916 Prepare all the troops.
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:18,629 We will level the United Atheist Alliance to the ground!
00:06:18,754 --> 00:06:21,215 MAN: With new Glade monvert cleaner,
00:06:21,340 --> 00:06:24,426 you can make your monvert sparkle like never before.
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:27,096 My monvert's never looked so clean!
00:06:27,221 --> 00:06:31,141 God, I hate future TV. There's too many commercials!
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:33,477 Ugh. I'm so bored!
00:06:33,602 --> 00:06:35,020 There's nothing to do!
00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:36,188 Tell me about it.
00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:37,189 Hey, I know!
00:06:37,314 --> 00:06:39,316 Let's crank-call people in the past!
00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:39,983 Huh?
00:06:40,109 --> 00:06:42,736 I just got the Crank Prank Timephone!
00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:44,446 ♪ Crank Prank ♪
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:46,198 ♪ Crank Prank Timephone ♪
00:06:46,323 --> 00:06:49,326 MAN: New from Zasbro, it's Crank Prank Timephone!
00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:51,495 I just dial a random number on the keypad,
00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:54,623 enter a date and year on the divilibrator, and...
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:57,584 Wow! Someone from the past is on the line!
00:06:57,709 --> 00:07:00,462 Hello. Is your refrigerator running?
00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:02,297 Well, then you better go catch it!
00:07:02,423 --> 00:07:03,549 [ Laughter ]
00:07:03,674 --> 00:07:05,008 ♪ Crank Prank ♪
00:07:05,134 --> 00:07:06,593 ♪ Crank Prank Timephone ♪
00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:07,428 What?
00:07:07,553 --> 00:07:10,389 Uh, hi. It's the year 1973, right?
00:07:10,514 --> 00:07:12,808 Could I speak with Al Coholic, please?
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:13,892 [ Laughter ]
00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:16,645 MAN: Crank Prank Timephone comes with divilibrator,
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,147 antimatter fusion cone,
00:07:18,272 --> 00:07:20,607 and 30 Blaine H.F. Watt triggers.
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,743 Why didn't anyone tell me there was a timephone?
00:07:31,869 --> 00:07:33,829 Why does it matter? Bark, bark.
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:34,788 Don't you see?
00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:37,416 If I get one of those phones, I can call myself in the past
00:07:37,541 --> 00:07:39,835 and tell me not to freeze myself!
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:44,339 Then I can go back to <i>my</i> time... and play Nintendo Wii.
00:07:44,465 --> 00:07:47,009 Bark, bark! That phone is for crank-calling only.
00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:49,470 Using it in the way you described is illegal.
00:07:49,595 --> 00:07:51,847 I care! Where's the closest toy store?
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:55,601 Working. Bark, bark. The Jarvanian Shopping Complex.
00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:57,478 But it is not open yet.
00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:02,816 Come on.
00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:05,027 Come on!
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,738 <i>Store is now open. Welcome!</i>
00:08:07,863 --> 00:08:08,864 Ugh, finally!
00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:10,407 Welcome to Zeebod's Toys.
00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:12,201 I want one of those timephone things.
00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:14,620 Ah. The Crank Prank Timephone. Sure.
00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:17,247 Now, I am required by the state to make sure you know
00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:19,917 this is for prank-calling the past only, right?
00:08:20,042 --> 00:08:21,585 Yeah, yeah. I'm only gonna crank-call people.
00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:24,421 All right. That'll be 6,000 credits.
00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:25,964 6,000 credits?
00:08:26,089 --> 00:08:28,717 What do I look like to you, a therilium miner?
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,719 This is a pretty advanced piece of equipment.
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:31,845 It's expensive.
00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:34,556 Look, I have to have one of those phones.
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,016 Oh, all right.
00:08:36,141 --> 00:08:38,977 Then I have to have 6,000 credits.
00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:43,357 Bark, bark. I'm sorry, Eric. Bark, bark.
00:08:43,482 --> 00:08:45,234 How about a robot? How much for the robot?
00:08:45,359 --> 00:08:47,528 - Aww. - Sorry, kid.
00:08:47,653 --> 00:08:50,239 You're gonna have to crank-call people in the present.
00:08:50,364 --> 00:08:51,949 Science damn it!
00:08:52,074 --> 00:08:54,034 Wait. K-10.
00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:56,119 Can you access this store's sales records?
00:08:56,245 --> 00:08:58,622 Working. Bark, bark. Accessed.
00:08:58,747 --> 00:09:00,582 I want the name and address of anybody
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:02,584 who's bought a timephone from this guy in the past week.
00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:04,628 Working. Bark, bark.
00:09:06,838 --> 00:09:09,925 The United Atheist Alliance has taken the bait!
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,135 Soon they will send their ships out
00:09:12,261 --> 00:09:14,221 to destroy our decoy clam fields.
00:09:14,346 --> 00:09:15,806 And while their ships are away,
00:09:15,931 --> 00:09:18,308 the United Atheist League intends to attack them.
00:09:18,433 --> 00:09:19,893 Our plan has worked perfectly,
00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:21,853 for when the United Atheist League
00:09:21,979 --> 00:09:23,897 attacks the United Atheist Alliance,
00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:26,358 we will charge in and kill them all!
00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:29,736 Our science, our answer to the great question shall prevail!
00:09:29,861 --> 00:09:30,988 ALL: Hail science!
00:09:31,113 --> 00:09:32,114 Hail science!
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:33,657 Hail science!
00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:36,952 And I will personally kill the time child
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:40,622 and eat his entrails on my tummy!
00:09:42,708 --> 00:09:44,960 [ Horn blows ]
00:09:47,045 --> 00:09:50,007 [ Telephone ringing ]
00:09:50,132 --> 00:09:51,592 I'll get it, darling.
00:09:51,717 --> 00:09:53,343 Hello?
00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:54,261 Hello?
00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:57,848 Uh, yes. Hello. I'm calling for Mr. Wall.
00:09:57,973 --> 00:10:00,434 I'm sorry. There's no Mr. Wall here.
00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:02,269 Oh, is Mrs. Wall there?
00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:04,146 No, there are no Walls here.
00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:05,689 Then how does your roof stay up?
00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,024 [ Laughter ]
00:10:07,149 --> 00:10:08,275 Oh, I see.
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:10,402 Is this the Johnson boys from down the street?
00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:12,362 No. We're from the future!
00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:13,447 Very funny!
00:10:13,572 --> 00:10:15,032 Hi, I'm a pepper, and I'm wondering
00:10:15,157 --> 00:10:16,658 if you'd like to be a pepper, too.
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,619 God darn you!
00:10:18,744 --> 00:10:19,870 [ Laughter ]
00:10:19,995 --> 00:10:21,538 - Yeah! - That was a great one!
00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:23,999 [ Doorbell rings ]
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:27,711 Hello. I'm with the cubic waste department.
00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:29,880 I need to check your lortran for inhubitors.
00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:32,591 Oh. Okay, I guess.
00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:34,760 Come on in, Bob.
00:10:36,345 --> 00:10:38,597 All right. Just let me use my tools.
00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:41,683 Hey!
00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,560 [ Laughs ] Stupid assholes!
00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:45,187 ♪ I got your timephone ♪
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:46,355 Bark, bark!
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:49,316 Science H. Logic! What a jerk!
00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:53,779 [ Indistinct conversations ]
00:10:58,367 --> 00:11:00,952 WISE ONE: Silence, otters!
00:11:01,078 --> 00:11:03,080 It's the wise one!
00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:05,749 The wise one speaks!
00:11:06,375 --> 00:11:09,836 This is not the path we should be taking.
00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:12,589 Will more bloodshed end anything?
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:15,592 Wise one, our answer to the great question
00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:17,469 is the only one based on good science!
00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:20,138 Science. Reason.
00:11:20,263 --> 00:11:22,474 Is that really all there is?
00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:24,643 They are not a logical race, wise one!
00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:27,145 They go around chopping down trees for tables
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:29,773 when they have perfectly good tummies to eat on!
00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:31,108 How logical is that?
00:11:31,233 --> 00:11:31,942 Yes!
00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:33,860 The great Dawkins said we cannot tolerate those
00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:35,237 who don't use reason!
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:38,490 How reasonable is it to eat off wood instead of your tummy?
00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:42,202 Well, perhaps the great Dawkins wasn't so wise.
00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:43,537 Oh, he was intelligent.
00:11:43,662 --> 00:11:47,082 But some of the most intelligent otters I've ever known
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:49,459 were completely lacking in common sense.
00:11:49,584 --> 00:11:54,172 Maybe some otters do need to believe in something.
00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:55,757 Who knows?
00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:59,928 Maybe just believing in God makes God exist.
00:12:02,973 --> 00:12:04,474 Kill the wise one!
00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:05,642 Kill the wise one!
00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:07,894 - [ Indistinct shouting ] - What? No! Wait! Wait!
00:12:08,019 --> 00:12:10,605 [ Screaming ]
00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:12,399 [ Insects chirping ]
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:20,407 Oh, God.
00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:23,869 [ Telephone ringing ]
00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:26,496 Hello?
00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:29,124 [ Static ]
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,584 CARTMAN: Hello?
00:12:30,709 --> 00:12:32,252 [ Static ]
00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:34,212 - Am I there? - Who is this?
00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:36,673 There! There! I have me! All right. All right. Listen.
00:12:36,798 --> 00:12:39,968 Listen to me carefully. You need to be patient.
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:42,053 What? Who the hell is this?!
00:12:42,179 --> 00:12:42,929 It's me!
00:12:43,054 --> 00:12:44,181 Me who?
00:12:44,306 --> 00:12:45,515 Me you!
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:46,808 What?
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:47,976 I'm you in the future!
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:49,102 You have to be patient and wait
00:12:49,227 --> 00:12:50,687 for the Nintendo Wii to come out,
00:12:50,812 --> 00:12:51,938 or else you'll wake up in the future
00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:53,523 and have to deal with a bunch of sea otters!
00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:54,941 Oh, very funny, Kyle!
00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,443 It's not Kyle! It's you!
00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:58,445 Yeah? Well, you can go [bleep] yourself.
00:12:58,570 --> 00:13:00,572 I'm trying to do you a favor, dumb-ass!
00:13:00,697 --> 00:13:01,698 Just listen to me!
00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:02,824 Listen to this!
00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:04,659 [ Farts ]
00:13:04,785 --> 00:13:06,661 Dickhead.
00:13:06,787 --> 00:13:08,872 [ Telephone rings ]
00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:12,834 What an asshole!
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:15,045 [ Telephone rings ]
00:13:16,546 --> 00:13:18,006 - Hello? - [ Static ]
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,008 CARTMAN: Butters! Butters!
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,052 Eric? Is that you?
00:13:22,177 --> 00:13:23,428 Butters! Butters, listen to me!
00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:24,471 J-Just listen.
00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:26,223 I'm about to come over to your house
00:13:26,348 --> 00:13:28,058 and ask you to help me freeze myself.
00:13:28,183 --> 00:13:29,434 Do not do it!
00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:33,146 Eric, are you playing a joke on me again?
00:13:33,271 --> 00:13:34,606 No! This is not a joke!
00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:37,400 Whatever I say to you, Butters, no matter how hard I try,
00:13:37,526 --> 00:13:39,653 do not do what I tell you.
00:13:39,778 --> 00:13:43,573 But -- But you're here right now!
00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:46,159 Butters! Come on! We got to go!
00:13:46,284 --> 00:13:48,912 No! Don't listen to me! Tell me to go screw myself!
00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:49,788 Huh?
00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:51,540 Come on, Butters! It's gonna get dark!
00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:54,543 But you're telling me not to go with you.
00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,044 What?
00:13:56,711 --> 00:13:58,255 Who the [bleep] is this?!
00:13:58,380 --> 00:13:59,965 Aw, damn it. Just listen to me!
00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:02,259 If you freeze yourself, you are going to die!
00:14:02,384 --> 00:14:03,343 Suck my balls!
00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:04,803 No, you suck <i>my</i> balls!
00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:06,638 Just listen to me for one minute!
00:14:06,763 --> 00:14:08,557 Okay. You have one minute.
00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:10,225 Right before you left for Butters' house,
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,602 you drank a bunch of Ovaltine and put Clyde Frog in the closet
00:14:12,727 --> 00:14:14,354 so nothing would happen to him, right?
00:14:15,272 --> 00:14:16,523 Are you spying on me?
00:14:16,648 --> 00:14:18,650 No, I <i>am</i> you, you stupid asshole!
00:14:18,775 --> 00:14:20,944 [Bleep] you, asshole. You can go [bleep] yourself.
00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:22,946 Come on, Butters. We're going.
00:14:23,071 --> 00:14:24,698 Oh, all right, then.
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,617 God, I hate that guy!
00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:30,203 - [ Dramatic music plays ] - My friends, the time has come.
00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:33,540 May science give us the courage to do what we must.
00:14:33,665 --> 00:14:36,334 Launch all defensive ships to sector J-7.
00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:38,837 Take out the otters' clam fields!
00:14:38,962 --> 00:14:41,506 [ Whirring ]
00:14:42,924 --> 00:14:46,219 Sir, the United Atheist Alliance has sent out all their ships.
00:14:46,344 --> 00:14:48,680 Their capital is now unprotected.
00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:54,144 Then begin the attack. Science be praised.
00:15:02,152 --> 00:15:06,323 Kill the table-eaters in the name of almighty science!
00:15:06,448 --> 00:15:09,326 [ Horn blows ]
00:15:09,451 --> 00:15:12,495 [ Telephone ringing ]
00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:15,874 Hello?
00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:18,001 - [ Static ] - CARTMAN: Hello? Kyle?
00:15:18,126 --> 00:15:18,835 Hello?
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,378 Yes. Hello, Kyle.
00:15:20,503 --> 00:15:22,339 It's Eric. Uh, how's it going?
00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:23,840 What do you want?
00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:26,092 Kyle, you are the smartest guy I know,
00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:28,011 so I think maybe you're the only person
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:29,137 who can understand this.
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:30,263 You know how earlier today,
00:15:30,388 --> 00:15:31,890 I asked you to help me freeze myself?
00:15:32,015 --> 00:15:33,767 I'm not going to help you freeze yourself, Cartman.
00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:34,893 It's a stupid idea.
00:15:35,018 --> 00:15:37,145 No, see, I <i>know</i> it's a stupid idea,
00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:39,564 because I actually did freeze myself.
00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:41,191 And you were right, Kyle.
00:15:41,316 --> 00:15:43,944 It -- It backfired, and I was frozen for 500 years,
00:15:44,069 --> 00:15:46,404 and now I'm calling you from the future.
00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:49,449 Uh-huh.
00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:51,242 No, really, Kyle, I'm -- I'm seriously.
00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:52,911 Here. Talk to my robot dog.
00:15:53,036 --> 00:15:56,456 Bark, bark. Hello, Kyle. Bark, bark.
00:15:58,208 --> 00:15:59,709 I'm hanging up now.
00:15:59,834 --> 00:16:01,044 No! Kyle, listen, please!
00:16:01,169 --> 00:16:03,421 I think right about now, I'm in my mom's freezer.
00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:05,256 Suck my balls, fat-ass.
00:16:05,382 --> 00:16:08,259 I will. I will suck your balls, Kyle.
00:16:08,385 --> 00:16:10,261 Just stop me from freezing myself,
00:16:10,387 --> 00:16:13,682 and I will get down on my knees, and I will suck your balls.
00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:15,809 I'll suck 'em dry, Kyle.
00:16:15,934 --> 00:16:18,019 - [ Horn honks, tires screech ] - Aw, God damn it!
00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:19,354 Now you've made me miss my ride!
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:22,190 My whole day is screwed up because of you!
00:16:23,233 --> 00:16:24,192 Kyle!
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:25,360 Kyle!
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:28,196 Eric, I really think you should stop calling the past.
00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:29,656 You could change the present.
00:16:29,781 --> 00:16:32,283 Well, I don't notice anything different, Kit-9, do you?
00:16:32,409 --> 00:16:35,328 I guess not. Meow, meow.
00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:37,998 Hmm. I see.
00:16:38,123 --> 00:16:39,124 [ Explosion ]
00:16:39,249 --> 00:16:41,710 - Ugh! - Meow, meow!
00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:46,840 - Aah! - Meow, meow!
00:16:52,387 --> 00:16:53,304 - Aah! - Meow, meow!
00:16:53,430 --> 00:16:56,016 - T.C., we're under attack! - By who?
00:16:56,141 --> 00:16:58,435 We have to get to the war room! It's the only safe place!
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,145 [Alarm blaring ]
00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:04,441 The United Atheist League is bombing the city!
00:17:04,566 --> 00:17:05,942 We're defenseless!
00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:07,110 This is terrible!
00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:08,319 I'm gonna die in the future
00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:10,071 without ever playing Nintendo Wii?!
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,907 Sir, the sea otters are advancing.
00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:14,743 They've broken through the east portal!
00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:16,911 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:17:20,749 --> 00:17:23,209 What?! Three-way fun-chat on screen!
00:17:24,169 --> 00:17:26,713 What are you otters doing? This is <i>our</i> attack!
00:17:26,838 --> 00:17:29,007 Yes, and we are attacking both of you!
00:17:29,132 --> 00:17:31,301 You fools! This will be the end of us all!
00:17:31,426 --> 00:17:33,762 Then accept our answer to the great question,
00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:35,263 and we will withdraw!
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,891 Your answer to the great question is illogical!
00:17:38,016 --> 00:17:39,684 What is the great question?
00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:42,437 What atheists should call themselves.
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:46,566 Unified Atheist League is the most logical name!
00:17:46,691 --> 00:17:49,569 United Atheist Alliance makes more sense!
00:17:49,694 --> 00:17:52,030 No! Allied Atheist Alliance!
00:17:52,155 --> 00:17:53,531 That way it has three A's!
00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:55,325 That is the logical choice!
00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:57,911 So be it. We cannot agree.
00:17:58,036 --> 00:17:58,953 Prepare to die.
00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:01,581 - [Alarm blares ] - Virad missiles launched, sir!
00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:03,124 I have to get out of here!
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:04,584 Why is everyone in my past so stupid
00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:06,377 that they think I'm crank-calling them?!
00:18:06,503 --> 00:18:07,587 But, Eric, meow, meow,
00:18:07,712 --> 00:18:10,381 you knew the wife of the smartest man in all of history.
00:18:10,507 --> 00:18:11,466 Who?
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:14,052 Your teacher, the one called Garrison.
00:18:14,177 --> 00:18:16,346 Garrison? But he's an asshole!
00:18:16,471 --> 00:18:18,848 [ Telephone ringing ]
00:18:18,973 --> 00:18:20,058 [ Moaning ]
00:18:20,183 --> 00:18:23,311 Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm a monkey!
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,396 Give this monkey what she wants!
00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:27,148 Oh, Ms. Garrison!
00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:28,441 - [ Ringing continues ] - Damn it!
00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:29,734 Who the hell is calling?
00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:31,778 I'll tell them to call you back.
00:18:31,903 --> 00:18:33,321 [ Breathing heavily ]
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:37,117 Garrison residence. Can you call back later, please?
00:18:37,242 --> 00:18:39,786 CARTMAN: It's an emergency! It's an emergency!
00:18:39,911 --> 00:18:41,121 An emergency?
00:18:41,246 --> 00:18:43,706 I need to speak with Mr. Garrison right now!
00:18:43,832 --> 00:18:46,459 I'm sorry, but <i>Mr.</i> Garrison has passed away.
00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:48,670 <i>Mrs.</i> Garrison is the only person here,
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,922 and she's rather tied up at the moment.
00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:52,841 Look, asshole! This is a real emergency!
00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:54,759 Just pass the phone to whatever Garrison
00:18:54,884 --> 00:18:57,262 wants to call himself since the sex-change operation!
00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:00,598 Sex-change operation?!
00:19:00,723 --> 00:19:02,100 Uh-oh.
00:19:02,225 --> 00:19:05,311 Ohh! You're a man?!
00:19:05,436 --> 00:19:07,438 Not anymore! I've been fixed!
00:19:07,564 --> 00:19:09,566 Richard, hold on! I can explain!
00:19:09,691 --> 00:19:13,236 Explain?! How could I be so stupid?!
00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:16,531 Richard, come back, please!
00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:20,451 Well, go ahead and leave, you atheist faggot!
00:19:20,577 --> 00:19:24,289 Have fun mocking God in hell, you queer!
00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:26,875 Mr. Garrison? Mr. Garrison?
00:19:32,463 --> 00:19:34,966 All right, Eric. Are you all set to go?
00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:37,302 Go?
00:19:37,427 --> 00:19:39,387 Right. Where am I going?
00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:40,471 We told you.
00:19:40,597 --> 00:19:41,764 We're sending you home
00:19:41,890 --> 00:19:43,641 with the Crank-'n'-Wank Time Machine.
00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:45,268 Don't worry, my son.
00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:46,394 When you return to your time,
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,188 you will merge with your other self.
00:19:48,313 --> 00:19:49,731 It's all very Zen.
00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:51,065 Wait.
00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:53,359 Isn't everybody at war over atheism?
00:19:53,985 --> 00:19:55,403 Atheism? No.
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:58,281 We've learned to get rid of all the isms in our time.
00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:00,366 Yes, long ago we realized
00:20:00,491 --> 00:20:02,869 isms are great for those who are rational.
00:20:02,994 --> 00:20:05,288 But in the hands of irrational people,
00:20:05,413 --> 00:20:07,540 isms always lead to violence.
00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:10,043 So there is no war now in the future?
00:20:10,168 --> 00:20:11,377 Of course there's war!
00:20:11,502 --> 00:20:14,297 The stupid French-Chinese think they have a right to Hawaii!
00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:15,423 ALL: Yeah!
00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:19,010 But now the moment has come to send you back to your time.
00:20:20,345 --> 00:20:22,263 We unfroze you for a purpose,
00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:24,682 and now that purpose is fulfilled.
00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:26,100 And what was that purpose again?
00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:28,311 We explained that to you already.
00:20:28,436 --> 00:20:29,520 Right.
00:20:29,646 --> 00:20:32,482 Goodbye, Eric. I will miss you. Squawk, squawk.
00:20:32,607 --> 00:20:34,651 I'll miss you, too, Cocka-3.
00:20:34,776 --> 00:20:37,695 So long, Eric, and tell everyone in the past for us
00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:41,157 that no one single answer is ever the answer.
00:20:45,370 --> 00:20:47,080 Hey!
00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:49,207 I'm back.
00:20:49,332 --> 00:20:51,167 Wow! I'm back!
00:20:51,292 --> 00:20:52,794 There you are, Eric!
00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:54,963 Mom! Mom, they did it!
00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:56,547 Eric, you have to come home.
00:20:56,673 --> 00:20:58,800 You can't just wait here for that game to come out.
00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:00,802 No, I know. You're right, Mom.
00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:03,054 I need to learn to be patient.
00:21:03,179 --> 00:21:06,683 I think I can wait three weeks for Nintendo Wii to come out.
00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:08,476 But, honey, it's only September.
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:12,021 The Nintendo Wii doesn't come out for two months.
00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:13,606 What?
00:21:13,731 --> 00:21:14,941 No!
00:21:15,692 --> 00:21:16,734 No!
00:21:16,859 --> 00:21:18,653 You sent me back too far!
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:20,029 Hey! Do it over!
00:21:20,154 --> 00:21:21,698 Who are you talking to, muffin?
00:21:21,823 --> 00:21:23,908 I can't wait two months! I can't!
00:21:24,033 --> 00:21:25,368 There has to be a way around this!
00:21:25,493 --> 00:21:29,080 Hey, kid, somebody's on the phone for you.
00:21:29,664 --> 00:21:30,748 Hello?
00:21:30,873 --> 00:21:33,334 - [ Static ] - CARTMAN: Hello? Hello?!
00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:36,796 I know what you're thinking. Do not do it!
00:21:36,921 --> 00:21:39,465 You just need to be patient and wait the two months!
00:21:39,590 --> 00:21:40,591 Do you hear me?!
00:21:42,135 --> 00:21:44,637 - Oh, suck my balls, Kyle. - [ Telephone beeps ]

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Вперёд, Бог, вперёд XII — скриншот 18

Вперёд, Бог, вперёд XII — скриншот 19

Вперёд, Бог, вперёд XII — скриншот 20

Вперёд, Бог, вперёд XII — скриншот 21

Вперёд, Бог, вперёд XII — скриншот 22

Вперёд, Бог, вперёд XII — скриншот 23

Вперёд, Бог, вперёд XII — скриншот 24

Вперёд, Бог, вперёд XII — скриншот 25

Вперёд, Бог, вперёд XII — скриншот 26

Вперёд, Бог, вперёд XII — скриншот 27