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Вперёд, Бог, вперёд
Go God Go
Сезон: 10Серия: 12
Описание
Картман замораживает себя, чтобы побыстрее дождаться выхода видеоприставки Nintendo Wii, но размораживают его только через 540 лет. Миссис Гаррисон борется с теорией эволюции.
Субтитры
- 00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:12,054 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:00:12,179 --> 00:00:13,723 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:00:13,848 --> 00:00:15,391 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:18,602 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,312 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:00:20,438 --> 00:00:21,647 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
- 00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:25,151 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:00:25,276 --> 00:00:28,404 Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
- 00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:32,992 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:00:37,038 --> 00:00:38,497 Come on.
- 00:00:38,622 --> 00:00:40,458 Come on!
- 00:00:40,583 --> 00:00:43,169 Oh, for the love of God. How much longer?!
- 00:00:43,294 --> 00:00:45,504 There you are, Eric. What are you doing here?
- 00:00:45,629 --> 00:00:48,215 I'm waiting for the new Nintendo Wii to come out!
- 00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:49,842 When does it come out?
- 00:00:49,967 --> 00:00:51,010 Three weeks.
- 00:00:51,135 --> 00:00:52,470 Come on.
- 00:00:52,595 --> 00:00:53,596 Come on!
- 00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:54,889 It's time for school.
- 00:00:55,014 --> 00:00:56,849 No, Mom! You don't understand!
- 00:00:56,974 --> 00:00:58,893 I've been waiting for this thing to come out for months.
- 00:00:59,018 --> 00:01:02,354 And now... every day, time is slowing down.
- 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:07,568 It's like waiting for Christmas...times a thousand.
- 00:01:07,693 --> 00:01:10,488 Eric, you're just going to have to be patient.
- 00:01:10,613 --> 00:01:11,405 No!
- 00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:13,032 No!
- 00:01:14,658 --> 00:01:16,619 Principal Victoria, it is wrong!
- 00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:19,080 It is wrong, and I simply will not do it!
- 00:01:19,205 --> 00:01:20,873 I care about my students.
- 00:01:20,998 --> 00:01:23,542 And I will not fill their heads with lies!
- 00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:26,921 I am not teaching evolution in my class!
- 00:01:27,046 --> 00:01:30,382 Mrs. Garrison, evolution is in the school curriculum.
- 00:01:30,508 --> 00:01:31,759 We have to teach it.
- 00:01:31,884 --> 00:01:33,677 Evolution is a theory --
- 00:01:33,803 --> 00:01:36,555 a harebrained theory that says I'm a monkey.
- 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:39,433 I'm not a monkey! I'm a woman!
- 00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:41,894 M-M'kay.
- 00:01:42,019 --> 00:01:46,357 Y-You realize evolution has been pretty much, uh, proven.
- 00:01:46,482 --> 00:01:48,609 I warn you, Principal Victoria,
- 00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:51,695 those students are not prepared to hear this stuff.
- 00:01:51,821 --> 00:01:54,198 Our students want to learn, Mrs. Garrison,
- 00:01:54,323 --> 00:01:57,451 and they're mature enough to handle anything.
- 00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:02,331 How long until Nintendo Wii comes out now?
- 00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:03,582 It's still three weeks.
- 00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:05,167 Oh, God!
- 00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:06,919 Okay. How long now?
- 00:02:07,044 --> 00:02:08,671 Will you shut up already?
- 00:02:10,256 --> 00:02:11,132 All right, kids.
- 00:02:11,257 --> 00:02:14,802 It is now my job to teach you the theory of evolution.
- 00:02:14,927 --> 00:02:16,053 Oh, boy!
- 00:02:16,178 --> 00:02:17,346 Now, I for one think
- 00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:20,683 that evolution is a bunch of bullcrap.
- 00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:23,519 But I've been told I have to teach it anyway.
- 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,229 It was thought up by Charles Darwin,
- 00:02:25,354 --> 00:02:26,981 and it goes something like this --
- 00:02:27,106 --> 00:02:30,109 In the beginning, we were all fish, okay,
- 00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:31,819 swimming around in the water.
- 00:02:31,944 --> 00:02:35,156 And then one day, a couple of fish had a retard baby.
- 00:02:35,281 --> 00:02:38,492 And the retard baby was different, so it got to live.
- 00:02:38,617 --> 00:02:42,037 So retard fish goes on to make more retard babies,
- 00:02:42,163 --> 00:02:44,540 and then one day a retard baby fish
- 00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:48,711 crawled out of the ocean with its mutant fish hands,
- 00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:51,297 and it had butt sex with a squirrel or something
- 00:02:51,422 --> 00:02:54,758 and made this retard frog-squirrel.
- 00:02:54,884 --> 00:02:59,096 And then that had a retard baby which was a monkey-fish-frog.
- 00:02:59,221 --> 00:03:02,975 And then this monkey-fish-frog had butt sex with that monkey,
- 00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:05,269 and that monkey had a mutant retard baby
- 00:03:05,394 --> 00:03:09,106 that screwed another monkey, and that made you.
- 00:03:10,274 --> 00:03:11,650 So there you go.
- 00:03:11,775 --> 00:03:14,028 You're the retarded offspring of five monkeys
- 00:03:14,153 --> 00:03:15,613 having butt sex with a fish-squirrel.
- 00:03:15,738 --> 00:03:17,740 Congratulations.
- 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:20,868 Aah! I can't take it anymore!
- 00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,079 Yep. You see?
- 00:03:24,205 --> 00:03:26,498 I knew that would happen.
- 00:03:30,294 --> 00:03:31,253 Come on.
- 00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:33,380 Come on!
- 00:03:33,505 --> 00:03:34,465 Look, kid.
- 00:03:34,590 --> 00:03:36,759 For the 40th time, pacing in front of the store
- 00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:39,220 isn't gonna make the Wii come any faster.
- 00:03:40,471 --> 00:03:42,514 Eric, you're coming home right now!
- 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:45,017 Can't I just stay and look at the sign a little longer?
- 00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:46,435 It's almost bedtime.
- 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,771 If you sleep, then time will go by faster.
- 00:03:59,323 --> 00:04:01,200 Oh, God.
- 00:04:35,985 --> 00:04:38,570 Aah! That does it!
- 00:04:38,696 --> 00:04:40,614 I am not waiting three weeks!
- 00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:44,285 You guys! You guys! You guys, you got to help me!
- 00:04:44,410 --> 00:04:45,661 Dude, you don't look so good, Cartman.
- 00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:47,454 I can't take it anymore, you guys.
- 00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:49,915 The wait for Nintendo Wii is literally killing me.
- 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:52,543 There's nothing you can do, so you just have to be patient.
- 00:04:52,668 --> 00:04:55,296 No. There <i>is</i> something I can do.
- 00:04:55,421 --> 00:04:57,381 - Mrph? - All right. Listen.
- 00:04:57,506 --> 00:04:58,590 You know how in space movies
- 00:04:58,716 --> 00:05:00,217 they put astronauts in suspender animation
- 00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:02,094 so their trip seems really short, right?
- 00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:03,846 I think I've figured out how to do it.
- 00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:05,681 - Do what? - Freeze myself.
- 00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:07,766 If I freeze myself, then in three weeks
- 00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:10,894 when Nintendo Wii comes out, you guys can unfreeze me.
- 00:05:11,020 --> 00:05:13,314 The wait will seem instantaneous to me.
- 00:05:13,897 --> 00:05:14,773 No.
- 00:05:14,898 --> 00:05:16,108 It's simple science, Kyle.
- 00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:17,401 You'll die, retard!
- 00:05:17,526 --> 00:05:19,111 I'll die waiting for the Wii to come out!
- 00:05:19,236 --> 00:05:20,696 Don't you see?! This is my only chance!
- 00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:21,655 Dude, no way.
- 00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:23,574 Yeah, I hate you, but I'm not going to help kill you.
- 00:05:23,699 --> 00:05:25,659 I thought you were my friends! But I guess I was wrong!
- 00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:27,202 After everything we've been through together,
- 00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:29,955 you guys won't even help me freeze myself!
- 00:05:32,124 --> 00:05:36,045 Principal Victoria, we are a devout Catholic family.
- 00:05:36,170 --> 00:05:37,921 Do you mind telling me why my daughter
- 00:05:38,047 --> 00:05:40,632 now thinks she's a retarded fish-frog?!
- 00:05:40,758 --> 00:05:42,968 I told you this would happen, didn't I?
- 00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:44,845 Mr. Triscotti, I wasn't aware --
- 00:05:44,970 --> 00:05:48,182 We have worked years to instill the teachings of Jesus Christ
- 00:05:48,307 --> 00:05:49,183 into our daughter,
- 00:05:49,308 --> 00:05:52,478 and with one fell swoop, you try to destroy everything we did!
- 00:05:52,603 --> 00:05:53,562 I hear you.
- 00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:54,688 Sir, if you don't wish
- 00:05:54,813 --> 00:05:56,523 your daughter to learn about evolution,
- 00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:58,150 then we can pull her out of class.
- 00:05:58,275 --> 00:05:59,568 You most certainly will!
- 00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,612 But, Dad, I want to learn everything.
- 00:06:01,737 --> 00:06:03,781 No, you don't! Shut up!
- 00:06:04,448 --> 00:06:05,532 Well, I told you.
- 00:06:05,657 --> 00:06:08,494 We should leave evolution out of the classrooms.
- 00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:09,745 It has become obvious to me
- 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:12,122 that you don't know enough about evolution to teach it.
- 00:06:12,247 --> 00:06:13,582 I'm having you replaced.
- 00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:14,875 Mr. Dawkins!
- 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,460 Re-Replaced?
- 00:06:16,585 --> 00:06:20,047 Richard Dawkins is a world- renowned evolutionary scientist.
- 00:06:20,172 --> 00:06:23,092 Charmed to meet you, Ms. --
- 00:06:23,217 --> 00:06:24,385 Shut up, faggot.
- 00:06:24,510 --> 00:06:26,678 Principal Victoria, I can teach my own class!
- 00:06:26,804 --> 00:06:29,181 You are to sit in class and help Mr. Dawkins
- 00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:31,016 with whatever he needs.
- 00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:37,022 Over billions of years, life has evolved
- 00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:39,441 from simple, one-celled organisms
- 00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:43,195 into all the complex life we see around us.
- 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:44,947 Whatever.
- 00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:47,157 It was changes in hereditary traits
- 00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:50,244 that allowed the first mammals to breathe in the air.
- 00:06:50,369 --> 00:06:52,204 Retarded fish-frogs.
- 00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:55,499 Ms. Garrison, I believe that's a gross oversimplification.
- 00:06:55,624 --> 00:06:57,376 Well, you're a faggot.
- 00:06:57,501 --> 00:06:58,836 Continue.
- 00:06:58,961 --> 00:07:00,045 You see, children,
- 00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:03,424 life has the amazing ability to change, to adapt,
- 00:07:03,549 --> 00:07:06,468 like changing us to the point that we walk upright.
- 00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:09,138 So you <i>are</i> saying that we're all related to monkeys.
- 00:07:09,263 --> 00:07:11,473 Well, yes, basically we are.
- 00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:13,225 You've seen monkeys at the zoo!
- 00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:15,644 They crap in their hands and throw it at people!
- 00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,688 Ms. Garrison, this isn't theory.
- 00:07:17,813 --> 00:07:19,773 It is scientific fact.
- 00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:21,817 What about the fact that by believing this crap,
- 00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,235 you're gonna go to hell?!
- 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:24,987 Doesn't that bother you a little?!
- 00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:27,990 Actually, no, because I'm an atheist.
- 00:07:28,574 --> 00:07:29,533 Aha!
- 00:07:29,658 --> 00:07:31,660 I got you, you snake in the grass!
- 00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:32,953 I found you out!
- 00:07:33,078 --> 00:07:34,913 I never covered it up.
- 00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:38,625 And if I'm a monkey, I might as well act like a monkey, huh?!
- 00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:39,918 Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whaa-whaa!
- 00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:41,336 Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whaa-whaa!
- 00:07:41,462 --> 00:07:43,213 What on earth are you doing?!
- 00:07:43,338 --> 00:07:46,467 - Don't ask me! - I'm a monkey!
- 00:07:46,592 --> 00:07:47,759 Agh!
- 00:07:49,428 --> 00:07:50,387 Principal Victoria,
- 00:07:50,512 --> 00:07:53,140 I was simply trying to make a point to Mr. Dawkins
- 00:07:53,265 --> 00:07:55,726 about the incongruity of some scientific statements.
- 00:07:55,851 --> 00:07:58,604 Mrs. Garrison, I am pulling you out of the classroom.
- 00:07:58,729 --> 00:07:59,646 What?
- 00:07:59,771 --> 00:08:02,774 Principal Victoria, I really don't think that's necessary.
- 00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:05,360 This woman is very opinionated,
- 00:08:05,486 --> 00:08:08,780 but she does care about her students.
- 00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:11,867 Very well.
- 00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:16,330 But there is to be no more throwing of feces, understood?
- 00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:19,124 Ms. Garrison.
- 00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:21,210 Ms. Garrison, could I have a word with you, please?
- 00:08:21,335 --> 00:08:22,169 What?
- 00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:24,880 Look, I know you think we are at war,
- 00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:28,509 but I want you to know I admire your passion.
- 00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:30,844 You -- You do?
- 00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:35,140 I've never met a woman with so much...fire.
- 00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:39,561 Well, I-I do bring down the woman's wrath now and again.
- 00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,730 So much boldness in a woman.
- 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,732 So beautiful.
- 00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,984 I'm sorry. I'm sure you have a husband, but I --
- 00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:49,613 No! No, m-my husband is gone -- dead!
- 00:08:49,738 --> 00:08:52,991 Would you, then, consider having dinner with me tonight?
- 00:08:53,116 --> 00:08:54,451 Well...
- 00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:57,496 Well, I suppose we could have a little steak or something.
- 00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:02,292 I've got a date!
- 00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:03,877 I've got a date!
- 00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:06,213 My first real date with a real man
- 00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:08,507 since my sex-change operation!
- 00:09:08,632 --> 00:09:10,592 Oh, boy! What will I wear?
- 00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:12,636 Hey, everybody!
- 00:09:20,936 --> 00:09:22,271 Hey!
- 00:09:22,396 --> 00:09:23,897 Close the door! I'm trying to freeze!
- 00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:25,691 Eric, get out of there!
- 00:09:25,816 --> 00:09:27,484 No! No! It's too soon!
- 00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:29,319 Now, Eric, this has gone far enough.
- 00:09:29,444 --> 00:09:32,364 You need to learn to be patient.
- 00:09:34,658 --> 00:09:36,577 Butters, get your coat. We got to go.
- 00:09:36,702 --> 00:09:37,953 Go where?
- 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:40,455 You're gonna help me freeze myself.
- 00:09:41,999 --> 00:09:43,584 Okay!
- 00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:56,763 Well, how come we got to come all the way out here?
- 00:09:56,888 --> 00:09:58,640 If anybody else comes across my frozen body,
- 00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:00,183 they'll try to unfreeze me right away.
- 00:10:00,309 --> 00:10:01,768 I have to be hidden.
- 00:10:03,145 --> 00:10:04,646 That's good.
- 00:10:06,857 --> 00:10:09,234 No matter what happens, Butters, you are not to unfreeze me
- 00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:10,694 until the day Nintendo Wii comes out.
- 00:10:10,819 --> 00:10:11,528 You got it?
- 00:10:11,653 --> 00:10:13,822 Eric, are you sure this is a good idea?
- 00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:16,491 No, it's not a good idea. It's an <i>awesome</i> idea.
- 00:10:16,617 --> 00:10:19,244 Yeah, I guess it is.
- 00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:20,662 You got the spot figured out?
- 00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:22,247 You're not gonna lose where I am, right?
- 00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:24,833 I got it -- big tree, oval rock.
- 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:25,834 Now get out of here.
- 00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:28,503 You can't freeze, too, or else we're both screwed.
- 00:10:30,756 --> 00:10:33,759 Get out of here, you asshole! You're gonna ruin everything!
- 00:10:33,884 --> 00:10:35,761 Oh, geez.
- 00:10:38,764 --> 00:10:40,849 Yes. Come on.
- 00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,100 Freeze.
- 00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:44,102 Freeze.
- 00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:47,689 So I told my gynecologist,
- 00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:49,941 "You put so many things in my vagina,
- 00:10:50,067 --> 00:10:51,818 maybe I should charge <i>you!"</i>
- 00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:55,739 Oh, Ms. Garrison, you are the most outspoken woman
- 00:10:55,864 --> 00:10:57,282 I have ever met.
- 00:10:57,407 --> 00:10:59,785 It's almost like you're one of the guys.
- 00:10:59,910 --> 00:11:01,745 Yeah, almost.
- 00:11:01,870 --> 00:11:04,665 You have so much spunk, so much life!
- 00:11:04,790 --> 00:11:07,709 If only you were an atheist.
- 00:11:09,086 --> 00:11:13,548 W-- Well, you know, I'm -- I'm open to stuff.
- 00:11:13,674 --> 00:11:15,217 Why has someone as outspoken as you
- 00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:17,511 given themselves over to the whole God thing?
- 00:11:17,636 --> 00:11:19,179 Oh, I'm not --
- 00:11:19,304 --> 00:11:21,473 I'm not totally into the whole God thing.
- 00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:25,560 I just -- I just think, you know, you can't <i>disprove</i> God.
- 00:11:25,686 --> 00:11:28,647 Well, what if I told you there was a flying spaghetti monster?
- 00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:31,608 Would you believe it simply because it can't be disproven?
- 00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:34,569 You're right!
- 00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:36,196 It's so simple!
- 00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:38,156 God is a spaghetti monster!
- 00:11:38,281 --> 00:11:40,951 Oh, thank you! Geez! My eyes are open!
- 00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:43,787 Hey, everyone, I'm an atheist!
- 00:11:43,912 --> 00:11:46,665 Really? Oh, that's wonderful!
- 00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:48,792 No! I totally get it now!
- 00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:51,545 Evolution explains everything!
- 00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:53,964 There's no great mystery to life, just evolution!
- 00:11:54,089 --> 00:11:55,716 And God's a spaghetti monster!
- 00:11:55,841 --> 00:11:57,467 Thank you, Richard!
- 00:11:57,592 --> 00:11:59,428 You're so welcome!
- 00:11:59,553 --> 00:12:01,138 Would you like to...
- 00:12:01,263 --> 00:12:03,890 head over to my place for dessert?
- 00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:07,686 Oh, yeah!
- 00:12:07,811 --> 00:12:09,604 Yeah, I'm a monkey!
- 00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:11,565 Give this monkey what she wants!
- 00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:13,275 - Oh, Ms. Garrison! - Yeah!
- 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,402 Pound my monkey hole, Richard!
- 00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:17,070 Yeah! I'm a monkey, all right!
- 00:12:25,454 --> 00:12:28,039 N-Nintendo.
- 00:12:28,165 --> 00:12:29,958 I'm coming.
- 00:12:30,459 --> 00:12:33,378 I'm coming...Nintendo.
- 00:14:06,847 --> 00:14:08,223 We have a pulse.
- 00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:14,771 Can you...understand me?
- 00:14:14,896 --> 00:14:16,273 Where am I?
- 00:14:16,398 --> 00:14:19,276 My name is Shpeck. You are safe.
- 00:14:19,943 --> 00:14:21,444 Safe where, butthole?
- 00:14:21,570 --> 00:14:24,656 My friend, this is going to be a bit of a shock,
- 00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:28,451 but it is the year 2546.
- 00:14:29,578 --> 00:14:30,996 What?
- 00:14:31,121 --> 00:14:34,583 You have been frozen in ice for over 500 years.
- 00:14:40,714 --> 00:14:41,756 Butters.
- 00:14:41,882 --> 00:14:44,217 Butters, you black asshole!
- 00:14:44,342 --> 00:14:45,969 Please, be careful. You are frail.
- 00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:48,054 Is the Wii out? Where is the Wii?
- 00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:51,558 Ah. Nintendo Wii --
- 00:14:51,683 --> 00:14:54,311 a primitive gaming device used in his time.
- 00:14:54,436 --> 00:14:55,145 Primitive?
- 00:14:55,270 --> 00:14:57,314 It has motion-control controllers, asswipe.
- 00:14:57,439 --> 00:14:59,441 Young man, you don't seem to understand.
- 00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:03,153 Your family, your friends, everyone you knew
- 00:15:03,278 --> 00:15:07,282 has been dead for over 500 years.
- 00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,743 I don't care! Is there a Nintendo Wii?!
- 00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:12,454 We don't play video games in our time.
- 00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:15,790 There's no such thing as a Nintendo Wii.
- 00:15:15,916 --> 00:15:17,834 No.
- 00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:20,629 No!
- 00:15:24,049 --> 00:15:25,800 You must understand, children,
- 00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:28,261 that we are dealing with very large numbers here.
- 00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:29,804 That's my man.
- 00:15:29,930 --> 00:15:33,224 So evolution doesn't even happen by chance.
- 00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:35,477 It is, in fact, bound to happen.
- 00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:36,853 That's right, kids.
- 00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:40,148 And so, you see, there is no God.
- 00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:41,149 Careful, darling.
- 00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:42,817 The school board doesn't like it when we --
- 00:15:42,943 --> 00:15:44,569 Well, there could still be a god.
- 00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:45,695 What?
- 00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:47,280 Couldn't evolution be the answer to "how?"
- 00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:48,698 And not the answer to "why?"
- 00:15:48,823 --> 00:15:51,493 Uh-oh! Retard alert!
- 00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:53,286 Retard alert, class!
- 00:15:53,411 --> 00:15:55,789 Do you believe in a flying spaghetti monster, too,
- 00:15:55,914 --> 00:15:56,831 bubble head?
- 00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:58,208 I wasn't talking about spaghetti.
- 00:15:58,333 --> 00:15:59,334 Come on, you.
- 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,378 You're gonna have to sit in the dunce chair!
- 00:16:10,762 --> 00:16:13,139 Ms. Garrison...
- 00:16:13,264 --> 00:16:16,476 I'm not so sure what you did in class today was right.
- 00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:17,894 What?
- 00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:21,147 But, Dick, you told me that the world would be a better place
- 00:16:21,272 --> 00:16:22,440 without religion.
- 00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:25,902 Yes, but to be so bold about it.
- 00:16:26,027 --> 00:16:30,615 I've just never seen a woman with such...balls.
- 00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:35,245 You've just been too soft on religious people in the past.
- 00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:36,746 Think about it, Richard.
- 00:16:36,871 --> 00:16:39,666 With your intellect and my balls,
- 00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:42,877 we can change the future of the world.
- 00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:45,296 Can you imagine a world with no religion?
- 00:16:45,422 --> 00:16:46,756 No Muslims killing Jews,
- 00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:49,426 no Christians bombing abortion clinics.
- 00:16:49,551 --> 00:16:54,222 The world would be a wonderful place...without God.
- 00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:56,808 You're the smartest man on earth, Dick.
- 00:16:56,933 --> 00:17:00,603 With me by your side, there's no stopping you.
- 00:17:00,729 --> 00:17:03,857 Oh, just let me see those beautiful breasts again.
- 00:17:03,982 --> 00:17:06,735 Oh...all right.
- 00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:10,447 Oh, yeah, baby.
- 00:17:10,572 --> 00:17:11,823 Pbbbbht!
- 00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:13,408 Oh, yeah! Oh!
- 00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:14,743 Pbbbbbht!
- 00:17:15,577 --> 00:17:18,621 Quick, General Disarray! Kill those superheroes!
- 00:17:18,747 --> 00:17:19,956 Pew-pew! Pew-pew!
- 00:17:20,081 --> 00:17:23,460 Yes! Now the world shall feel the wrath of Professor Chaos!
- 00:17:23,585 --> 00:17:25,170 Butters?
- 00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:26,838 Butters, you haven't seen Eric Cartman
- 00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:28,882 in the past few days, have you?
- 00:17:29,007 --> 00:17:31,092 Who, me?
- 00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:33,511 It's very important, Butters. He's missing.
- 00:17:33,636 --> 00:17:34,971 You haven't seen or heard from him?
- 00:17:36,431 --> 00:17:38,141 No, ma'am.
- 00:17:38,266 --> 00:17:39,976 Okay.
- 00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:42,479 Come on, Professor Chaos! Let's destroy this ant hill!
- 00:17:42,604 --> 00:17:45,315 G-General Disarray, can I ask you a scientific question?
- 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:46,524 Okay.
- 00:17:46,649 --> 00:17:48,735 Well, um, c-can anything bad happen
- 00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:50,278 if you completely freeze yourself
- 00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:52,864 and then unfreeze yourself three weeks later?
- 00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:54,282 Yeah.
- 00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:55,825 Well, like what?
- 00:17:55,950 --> 00:17:58,036 Like...you die.
- 00:17:58,161 --> 00:17:59,245 Die?!
- 00:17:59,370 --> 00:18:01,414 Well, yeah. If you freeze your body, it means you die.
- 00:18:01,539 --> 00:18:03,208 When you wake up three weeks later, you can be unfrozen,
- 00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:05,168 but you're still dead.
- 00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:07,337 Oh, hamburgers!
- 00:18:08,505 --> 00:18:09,923 Eric!
- 00:18:10,048 --> 00:18:11,132 Eric!
- 00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:14,177 You just left him here without a jacket or anything?
- 00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:15,595 He told me to!
- 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:16,971 He's dead for sure.
- 00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:17,972 Wait.
- 00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:19,808 It's all different!
- 00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:21,434 Nothing's in the same place!
- 00:18:21,559 --> 00:18:22,644 Oh, my God.
- 00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:24,020 Eric!
- 00:18:24,145 --> 00:18:25,355 Eric!
- 00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:26,856 Butters. B-Butters! Butters!
- 00:18:26,981 --> 00:18:28,691 - We have to get out of here. - What?
- 00:18:28,817 --> 00:18:30,360 Nobody is ever going to find his body.
- 00:18:30,485 --> 00:18:32,862 You've got to never say anything about this, you understand?
- 00:18:32,987 --> 00:18:33,863 He's dead!
- 00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:35,865 If they know you had a hand in it, you'll go to jail!
- 00:18:35,990 --> 00:18:37,784 But I just did what he told me!
- 00:18:37,909 --> 00:18:39,035 Come on! We have to leave!
- 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:40,703 Oh, jumpin' Jesus.
- 00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:48,837 This is terrible.
- 00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:51,339 Five hundred years in the future.
- 00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:57,512 Eric, I have good news for you.
- 00:18:57,637 --> 00:19:00,014 We may have found you a Nintendo Wii.
- 00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:01,724 What?! Really?!
- 00:19:01,850 --> 00:19:03,518 Yes! Yes!
- 00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:05,937 It's rumored that there's one at the Museum of Technology
- 00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:07,021 in New New Hampshire.
- 00:19:07,147 --> 00:19:09,065 So I'm not too late. Come on! Let's go!
- 00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:11,025 Well, there's just...
- 00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:14,320 T-There's something we need from <i>you</i> first.
- 00:19:15,405 --> 00:19:19,284 You see, my young friend, you were unfrozen for a reason.
- 00:19:19,409 --> 00:19:21,744 Lots of people froze themselves in cryogenic labs,
- 00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:23,246 and we don't unfreeze them.
- 00:19:23,371 --> 00:19:25,748 But you...are special.
- 00:19:25,874 --> 00:19:28,209 I know I'm special. This isn't news to me.
- 00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:30,962 You lived in the time when a great event happened,
- 00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:34,674 a glorious event that finally made all religion obsolete.
- 00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:39,304 Now the entire world is atheist.
- 00:19:39,971 --> 00:19:42,849 And this gets me a Nintendo Wii how?
- 00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:45,852 We believe that somebody you knew in your time
- 00:19:45,977 --> 00:19:49,564 was the person who first started our wonderful group --
- 00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:52,317 the Unified Atheist League!
- 00:19:52,442 --> 00:19:53,568 Who?
- 00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:57,864 What in science's name was that?
- 00:20:04,621 --> 00:20:05,830 Oh, no!
- 00:20:05,955 --> 00:20:08,166 It's the United Atheist Alliance!
- 00:20:08,291 --> 00:20:10,501 Oh, science help us!
- 00:20:11,753 --> 00:20:15,006 Science damn you, Unified Atheist League!
- 00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:16,007 Who are they?
- 00:20:16,132 --> 00:20:19,177 The alliance atheists. We're at war with them!
- 00:20:28,228 --> 00:20:30,563 No!
- 00:20:30,688 --> 00:20:31,898 Jesus Christ!
- 00:20:32,023 --> 00:20:35,235 You believe in a supernatural being.
- 00:20:36,319 --> 00:20:38,821 Oh, my science.
- 00:20:44,118 --> 00:20:45,787 I'm just a little boy from the past
- 00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:48,706 who wants to play Nintendo Wii.
- 00:20:52,543 --> 00:20:55,171 Put me through to the Allied Atheist Allegiance!
- 00:20:55,296 --> 00:20:56,673 On-screen!
- 00:20:56,798 --> 00:20:59,634 Look, Allied Atheist Allegiance!
- 00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:02,178 We have the time child!
- 00:21:02,303 --> 00:21:05,848 Science damn you, United Atheist Alliance!
- 00:21:05,974 --> 00:21:09,060 Now you see, foolish sea otters,
- 00:21:09,185 --> 00:21:11,854 that we are the atheists in control!
- 00:21:11,980 --> 00:21:13,815 It won't make a difference.
- 00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:16,609 This is the dawning of the sea otter.
- 00:21:16,734 --> 00:21:19,028 Know this, time child!
- 00:21:19,153 --> 00:21:24,075 I shall smash your skull like a clam on my tummy!
- 00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:25,994 What?!
- 00:21:27,287 --> 00:21:29,998 Otters, the time has come!
- 00:21:30,123 --> 00:21:31,958 Sound the nafurtee!
- 00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:33,793 The nafurtee!
- 00:21:39,841 --> 00:21:43,386 So...it begins.
- 00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:12,054 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:00:12,179 --> 00:00:13,723 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:00:13,848 --> 00:00:15,391 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:18,602 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,312 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:00:20,438 --> 00:00:21,647 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
- 00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:25,151 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:00:25,276 --> 00:00:28,404 Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
- 00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:32,992 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:00:37,038 --> 00:00:38,497 Come on.
- 00:00:38,622 --> 00:00:40,458 Come on!
- 00:00:40,583 --> 00:00:43,169 Oh, for the love of God. How much longer?!
- 00:00:43,294 --> 00:00:45,504 There you are, Eric. What are you doing here?
- 00:00:45,629 --> 00:00:48,215 I'm waiting for the new Nintendo Wii to come out!
- 00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:49,842 When does it come out?
- 00:00:49,967 --> 00:00:51,010 Three weeks.
- 00:00:51,135 --> 00:00:52,470 Come on.
- 00:00:52,595 --> 00:00:53,596 Come on!
- 00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:54,889 It's time for school.
- 00:00:55,014 --> 00:00:56,849 No, Mom! You don't understand!
- 00:00:56,974 --> 00:00:58,893 I've been waiting for this thing to come out for months.
- 00:00:59,018 --> 00:01:02,354 And now... every day, time is slowing down.
- 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:07,568 It's like waiting for Christmas...times a thousand.
- 00:01:07,693 --> 00:01:10,488 Eric, you're just going to have to be patient.
- 00:01:10,613 --> 00:01:11,405 No!
- 00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:13,032 No!
- 00:01:13,157 --> 00:01:14,533 [ Bell rings ]
- 00:01:14,658 --> 00:01:16,619 Principal Victoria, it is wrong!
- 00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:19,080 It is wrong, and I simply will not do it!
- 00:01:19,205 --> 00:01:20,873 I care about my students.
- 00:01:20,998 --> 00:01:23,542 And I will not fill their heads with lies!
- 00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:26,921 I am not teaching evolution in my class!
- 00:01:27,046 --> 00:01:30,382 Mrs. Garrison, evolution is in the school curriculum.
- 00:01:30,508 --> 00:01:31,759 We have to teach it.
- 00:01:31,884 --> 00:01:33,677 Evolution is a theory --
- 00:01:33,803 --> 00:01:36,555 a harebrained theory that says I'm a monkey.
- 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:39,433 I'm not a monkey! I'm a woman!
- 00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:41,894 M-M'kay.
- 00:01:42,019 --> 00:01:46,357 Y-You realize evolution has been pretty much, uh, proven.
- 00:01:46,482 --> 00:01:48,609 I warn you, Principal Victoria,
- 00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:51,695 those students are not prepared to hear this stuff.
- 00:01:51,821 --> 00:01:54,198 Our students want to learn, Mrs. Garrison,
- 00:01:54,323 --> 00:01:57,451 and they're mature enough to handle anything.
- 00:01:57,576 --> 00:02:00,162 - [ Indistinct conversations ] - [ Grunting ]
- 00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:02,331 How long until Nintendo Wii comes out now?
- 00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:03,582 It's still three weeks.
- 00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:05,167 Oh, God!
- 00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:06,919 Okay. How long now?
- 00:02:07,044 --> 00:02:08,671 Will you shut up already?
- 00:02:10,256 --> 00:02:11,132 All right, kids.
- 00:02:11,257 --> 00:02:14,802 It is now my job to teach you the theory of evolution.
- 00:02:14,927 --> 00:02:16,053 Oh, boy!
- 00:02:16,178 --> 00:02:17,346 Now, I for one think
- 00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:20,683 that evolution is a bunch of bullcrap.
- 00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:23,519 But I've been told I have to teach it anyway.
- 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,229 It was thought up by Charles Darwin,
- 00:02:25,354 --> 00:02:26,981 and it goes something like this --
- 00:02:27,106 --> 00:02:30,109 In the beginning, we were all fish, okay,
- 00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:31,819 swimming around in the water.
- 00:02:31,944 --> 00:02:35,156 And then one day, a couple of fish had a retard baby.
- 00:02:35,281 --> 00:02:38,492 And the retard baby was different, so it got to live.
- 00:02:38,617 --> 00:02:42,037 So retard fish goes on to make more retard babies,
- 00:02:42,163 --> 00:02:44,540 and then one day a retard baby fish
- 00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:48,711 crawled out of the ocean with its mutant fish hands,
- 00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:51,297 and it had butt sex with a squirrel or something
- 00:02:51,422 --> 00:02:54,758 and made this retard frog-squirrel.
- 00:02:54,884 --> 00:02:59,096 And then that had a retard baby which was a monkey-fish-frog.
- 00:02:59,221 --> 00:03:02,975 And then this monkey-fish-frog had butt sex with that monkey,
- 00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:05,269 and that monkey had a mutant retard baby
- 00:03:05,394 --> 00:03:09,106 that screwed another monkey, and that made you.
- 00:03:10,274 --> 00:03:11,650 So there you go.
- 00:03:11,775 --> 00:03:14,028 You're the retarded offspring of five monkeys
- 00:03:14,153 --> 00:03:15,613 having butt sex with a fish-squirrel.
- 00:03:15,738 --> 00:03:17,740 Congratulations.
- 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:20,868 Aah! I can't take it anymore!
- 00:03:20,993 --> 00:03:22,411 [ Screams ]
- 00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,079 - [ Door opens, closes ] - Yep. You see?
- 00:03:24,205 --> 00:03:26,498 I knew that would happen.
- 00:03:30,294 --> 00:03:31,253 Come on.
- 00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:33,380 Come on!
- 00:03:33,505 --> 00:03:34,465 Look, kid.
- 00:03:34,590 --> 00:03:36,759 For the 40th time, pacing in front of the store
- 00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:39,220 isn't gonna make the Wii come any faster.
- 00:03:40,471 --> 00:03:42,514 Eric, you're coming home right now!
- 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:45,017 Can't I just stay and look at the sign a little longer?
- 00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:46,435 It's almost bedtime.
- 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,771 If you sleep, then time will go by faster.
- 00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:51,190 [ Insects chirping ]
- 00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:59,198 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- 00:03:59,323 --> 00:04:01,200 Oh, God.
- 00:04:03,661 --> 00:04:06,372 [ Music continues ]
- 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,554 [ Mouse clicks ]
- 00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:27,184 [ Indistinct talking on television ]
- 00:04:27,309 --> 00:04:29,395 [ Music continues ]
- 00:04:35,985 --> 00:04:38,570 Aah! That does it!
- 00:04:38,696 --> 00:04:40,614 I am not waiting three weeks!
- 00:04:40,739 --> 00:04:42,074 [ Birds chirping ]
- 00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:44,285 You guys! You guys! You guys, you got to help me!
- 00:04:44,410 --> 00:04:45,661 Dude, you don't look so good, Cartman.
- 00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:47,454 I can't take it anymore, you guys.
- 00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:49,915 The wait for Nintendo Wii is literally killing me.
- 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:52,543 There's nothing you can do, so you just have to be patient.
- 00:04:52,668 --> 00:04:55,296 No. There <i>is</i> something I can do.
- 00:04:55,421 --> 00:04:57,381 - Mrph? - All right. Listen.
- 00:04:57,506 --> 00:04:58,590 You know how in space movies
- 00:04:58,716 --> 00:05:00,217 they put astronauts in suspender animation
- 00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:02,094 so their trip seems really short, right?
- 00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:03,846 I think I've figured out how to do it.
- 00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:05,681 - Do what? - Freeze myself.
- 00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:07,766 If I freeze myself, then in three weeks
- 00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:10,894 when Nintendo Wii comes out, you guys can unfreeze me.
- 00:05:11,020 --> 00:05:13,314 The wait will seem instantaneous to me.
- 00:05:13,897 --> 00:05:14,773 No.
- 00:05:14,898 --> 00:05:16,108 It's simple science, Kyle.
- 00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:17,401 You'll die, retard!
- 00:05:17,526 --> 00:05:19,111 I'll die waiting for the Wii to come out!
- 00:05:19,236 --> 00:05:20,696 Don't you see?! This is my only chance!
- 00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:21,655 Dude, no way.
- 00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:23,574 Yeah, I hate you, but I'm not going to help kill you.
- 00:05:23,699 --> 00:05:25,659 I thought you were my friends! But I guess I was wrong!
- 00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:27,202 After everything we've been through together,
- 00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:29,955 you guys won't even help me freeze myself!
- 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:31,999 [ Bell rings ]
- 00:05:32,124 --> 00:05:36,045 Principal Victoria, we are a devout Catholic family.
- 00:05:36,170 --> 00:05:37,921 Do you mind telling me why my daughter
- 00:05:38,047 --> 00:05:40,632 now thinks she's a retarded fish-frog?!
- 00:05:40,758 --> 00:05:42,968 I told you this would happen, didn't I?
- 00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:44,845 Mr. Triscotti, I wasn't aware --
- 00:05:44,970 --> 00:05:48,182 We have worked years to instill the teachings of Jesus Christ
- 00:05:48,307 --> 00:05:49,183 into our daughter,
- 00:05:49,308 --> 00:05:52,478 and with one fell swoop, you try to destroy everything we did!
- 00:05:52,603 --> 00:05:53,562 I hear you.
- 00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:54,688 Sir, if you don't wish
- 00:05:54,813 --> 00:05:56,523 your daughter to learn about evolution,
- 00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:58,150 then we can pull her out of class.
- 00:05:58,275 --> 00:05:59,568 You most certainly will!
- 00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,612 But, Dad, I want to learn everything.
- 00:06:01,737 --> 00:06:03,781 No, you don't! Shut up!
- 00:06:04,448 --> 00:06:05,532 Well, I told you.
- 00:06:05,657 --> 00:06:08,494 We should leave evolution out of the classrooms.
- 00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:09,745 It has become obvious to me
- 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:12,122 that you don't know enough about evolution to teach it.
- 00:06:12,247 --> 00:06:13,582 I'm having you replaced.
- 00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:14,875 Mr. Dawkins!
- 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,460 Re-Replaced?
- 00:06:16,585 --> 00:06:20,047 Richard Dawkins is a world- renowned evolutionary scientist.
- 00:06:20,172 --> 00:06:23,092 Charmed to meet you, Ms. --
- 00:06:23,217 --> 00:06:24,385 Shut up, faggot.
- 00:06:24,510 --> 00:06:26,678 Principal Victoria, I can teach my own class!
- 00:06:26,804 --> 00:06:29,181 You are to sit in class and help Mr. Dawkins
- 00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:31,016 with whatever he needs.
- 00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:33,560 [ Bell rings ]
- 00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:37,022 Over billions of years, life has evolved
- 00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:39,441 from simple, one-celled organisms
- 00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:43,195 into all the complex life we see around us.
- 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:44,947 Whatever.
- 00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:47,157 It was changes in hereditary traits
- 00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:50,244 that allowed the first mammals to breathe in the air.
- 00:06:50,369 --> 00:06:52,204 Retarded fish-frogs.
- 00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:55,499 Ms. Garrison, I believe that's a gross oversimplification.
- 00:06:55,624 --> 00:06:57,376 Well, you're a faggot.
- 00:06:57,501 --> 00:06:58,836 Continue.
- 00:06:58,961 --> 00:07:00,045 You see, children,
- 00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:03,424 life has the amazing ability to change, to adapt,
- 00:07:03,549 --> 00:07:06,468 like changing us to the point that we walk upright.
- 00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:09,138 So you <i>are</i> saying that we're all related to monkeys.
- 00:07:09,263 --> 00:07:11,473 Well, yes, basically we are.
- 00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:13,225 You've seen monkeys at the zoo!
- 00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:15,644 They crap in their hands and throw it at people!
- 00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,688 Ms. Garrison, this isn't theory.
- 00:07:17,813 --> 00:07:19,773 It is scientific fact.
- 00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:21,817 What about the fact that by believing this crap,
- 00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,235 you're gonna go to hell?!
- 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:24,987 Doesn't that bother you a little?!
- 00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:27,990 Actually, no, because I'm an atheist.
- 00:07:28,574 --> 00:07:29,533 Aha!
- 00:07:29,658 --> 00:07:31,660 I got you, you snake in the grass!
- 00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:32,953 I found you out!
- 00:07:33,078 --> 00:07:34,913 DAWKINS: I never covered it up.
- 00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:38,625 And if I'm a monkey, I might as well act like a monkey, huh?!
- 00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:39,918 Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whaa-whaa!
- 00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:41,336 Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whaa-whaa!
- 00:07:41,462 --> 00:07:43,213 What on earth are you doing?!
- 00:07:43,338 --> 00:07:46,467 Don't ask me! I'm a [bleep] monkey!
- 00:07:46,592 --> 00:07:47,759 Agh!
- 00:07:49,428 --> 00:07:50,387 Principal Victoria,
- 00:07:50,512 --> 00:07:53,140 I was simply trying to make a point to Mr. Dawkins
- 00:07:53,265 --> 00:07:55,726 about the incongruity of some scientific statements.
- 00:07:55,851 --> 00:07:58,604 Mrs. Garrison, I am pulling you out of the classroom.
- 00:07:58,729 --> 00:07:59,646 What?
- 00:07:59,771 --> 00:08:02,774 Principal Victoria, I really don't think that's necessary.
- 00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:05,360 This woman is very opinionated,
- 00:08:05,486 --> 00:08:08,780 but she does care about her students.
- 00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:10,657 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- 00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:11,867 Very well.
- 00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:16,330 But there is to be no more throwing of feces, understood?
- 00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:19,124 Ms. Garrison.
- 00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:21,210 Ms. Garrison, could I have a word with you, please?
- 00:08:21,335 --> 00:08:22,169 What?
- 00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:24,880 Look, I know you think we are at war,
- 00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:28,509 but I want you to know I admire your passion.
- 00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:30,844 You -- You do?
- 00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:35,140 I've never met a woman with so much...fire.
- 00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:39,561 Well, I-I do bring down the woman's wrath now and again.
- 00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,730 So much boldness in a woman.
- 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,732 So beautiful.
- 00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,984 I'm sorry. I'm sure you have a husband, but I --
- 00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:49,613 No! No, m-my husband is gone -- dead!
- 00:08:49,738 --> 00:08:52,991 Would you, then, consider having dinner with me tonight?
- 00:08:53,116 --> 00:08:54,451 Well...
- 00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:57,496 Well, I suppose we could have a little steak or something.
- 00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,874 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- 00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:02,292 I've got a date!
- 00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:03,877 I've got a date!
- 00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:06,213 My first real date with a real man
- 00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:08,507 since my sex-change operation!
- 00:09:08,632 --> 00:09:10,592 Oh, boy! What will I wear?
- 00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:12,636 Hey, everybody!
- 00:09:15,764 --> 00:09:17,849 [ Humming ]
- 00:09:20,936 --> 00:09:22,271 - Hey! - [ Gasps ]
- 00:09:22,396 --> 00:09:23,897 Close the door! I'm trying to freeze!
- 00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:25,691 Eric, get out of there!
- 00:09:25,816 --> 00:09:27,484 No! No! It's too soon!
- 00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:29,319 Now, Eric, this has gone far enough.
- 00:09:29,444 --> 00:09:32,364 You need to learn to be patient.
- 00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:34,074 [ Birds chirping ]
- 00:09:34,658 --> 00:09:36,577 Butters, get your coat. We got to go.
- 00:09:36,702 --> 00:09:37,953 Go where?
- 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:40,455 You're gonna help me freeze myself.
- 00:09:41,999 --> 00:09:43,584 Okay!
- 00:09:44,459 --> 00:09:46,628 [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:56,763 Well, how come we got to come all the way out here?
- 00:09:56,888 --> 00:09:58,640 If anybody else comes across my frozen body,
- 00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:00,183 they'll try to unfreeze me right away.
- 00:10:00,309 --> 00:10:01,768 I have to be hidden.
- 00:10:03,145 --> 00:10:04,646 That's good.
- 00:10:06,857 --> 00:10:09,234 No matter what happens, Butters, you are not to unfreeze me
- 00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:10,694 until the day Nintendo Wii comes out.
- 00:10:10,819 --> 00:10:11,528 You got it?
- 00:10:11,653 --> 00:10:13,822 Eric, are you sure this is a good idea?
- 00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:16,491 No, it's not a good idea. It's an <i>awesome</i> idea.
- 00:10:16,617 --> 00:10:19,244 Yeah, I guess it is.
- 00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:20,662 You got the spot figured out?
- 00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:22,247 You're not gonna lose where I am, right?
- 00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:24,833 I got it -- big tree, oval rock.
- 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:25,834 Now get out of here.
- 00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:28,503 You can't freeze, too, or else we're both screwed.
- 00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:30,631 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- 00:10:30,756 --> 00:10:33,759 Get out of here, you asshole! You're gonna ruin everything!
- 00:10:33,884 --> 00:10:35,761 Oh, geez.
- 00:10:38,764 --> 00:10:40,849 Yes. Come on.
- 00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,100 Freeze.
- 00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:44,102 Freeze.
- 00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:45,937 [ Insects chirping ]
- 00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:47,689 So I told my gynecologist,
- 00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:49,941 "You put so many things in my vagina,
- 00:10:50,067 --> 00:10:51,818 maybe I should charge <i>you!"</i>
- 00:10:51,943 --> 00:10:53,278 [ Both laugh ]
- 00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:55,739 Oh, Ms. Garrison, you are the most outspoken woman
- 00:10:55,864 --> 00:10:57,282 I have ever met.
- 00:10:57,407 --> 00:10:59,785 It's almost like you're one of the guys.
- 00:10:59,910 --> 00:11:01,745 Yeah, almost.
- 00:11:01,870 --> 00:11:04,665 You have so much spunk, so much life!
- 00:11:04,790 --> 00:11:07,709 If only you were an atheist.
- 00:11:09,086 --> 00:11:13,548 W-- Well, you know, I'm -- I'm open to stuff.
- 00:11:13,674 --> 00:11:15,217 Why has someone as outspoken as you
- 00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:17,511 given themselves over to the whole God thing?
- 00:11:17,636 --> 00:11:19,179 Oh, I'm not --
- 00:11:19,304 --> 00:11:21,473 I'm not totally into the whole God thing.
- 00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:25,560 I just -- I just think, you know, you can't <i>disprove</i> God.
- 00:11:25,686 --> 00:11:28,647 Well, what if I told you there was a flying spaghetti monster?
- 00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:31,608 Would you believe it simply because it can't be disproven?
- 00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:34,569 You're right!
- 00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:36,196 It's so simple!
- 00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:38,156 God is a spaghetti monster!
- 00:11:38,281 --> 00:11:40,951 Oh, thank you! Geez! My eyes are open!
- 00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:43,787 Hey, everyone, I'm an atheist!
- 00:11:43,912 --> 00:11:46,665 Really? Oh, that's wonderful!
- 00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:48,792 No! I totally get it now!
- 00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:51,545 Evolution explains everything!
- 00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:53,964 There's no great mystery to life, just evolution!
- 00:11:54,089 --> 00:11:55,716 And God's a spaghetti monster!
- 00:11:55,841 --> 00:11:57,467 Thank you, Richard!
- 00:11:57,592 --> 00:11:59,428 You're so welcome!
- 00:11:59,553 --> 00:12:01,138 Would you like to...
- 00:12:01,263 --> 00:12:03,890 head over to my place for dessert?
- 00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:06,184 [ Grunting ]
- 00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:07,686 Oh, yeah!
- 00:12:07,811 --> 00:12:09,604 Yeah, I'm a monkey!
- 00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:11,565 Give this monkey what she wants!
- 00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:13,275 - Oh, Ms. Garrison! - Yeah!
- 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,402 Pound my monkey hole, Richard!
- 00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:17,070 Yeah! I'm a monkey, all right!
- 00:12:17,195 --> 00:12:19,698 [ Wind whistling ]
- 00:12:19,823 --> 00:12:21,867 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- 00:12:24,286 --> 00:12:25,328 [ Heartbeat ]
- 00:12:25,454 --> 00:12:28,039 [ Weakly ] N-Nintendo.
- 00:12:28,165 --> 00:12:29,958 I'm coming.
- 00:12:30,459 --> 00:12:33,378 I'm coming...Nintendo.
- 00:12:33,503 --> 00:12:34,588 [ Heartbeat stops ]
- 00:12:34,713 --> 00:12:37,299 [ Exhales deeply ]
- 00:12:44,139 --> 00:12:47,142 [ Coyote howling in distance ]
- 00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,478 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- 00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:58,695 [ Rumbling ]
- 00:13:12,334 --> 00:13:15,712 [ "Buck Rogers in the 25th Century" theme plays ]
- 00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:51,331 [ Music continues ]
- 00:14:02,717 --> 00:14:06,721 [ Whirring ]
- 00:14:06,847 --> 00:14:08,223 We have a pulse.
- 00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,892 [ Coughs, gasps ]
- 00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:14,771 Can you...understand me?
- 00:14:14,896 --> 00:14:16,273 Where am I?
- 00:14:16,398 --> 00:14:19,276 My name is Shpeck. You are safe.
- 00:14:19,943 --> 00:14:21,444 Safe where, butthole?
- 00:14:21,570 --> 00:14:24,656 My friend, this is going to be a bit of a shock,
- 00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:28,451 but it is the year 2546.
- 00:14:29,578 --> 00:14:30,996 What?
- 00:14:31,121 --> 00:14:34,583 You have been frozen in ice for over 500 years.
- 00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:36,918 [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:14:40,714 --> 00:14:41,756 Butters.
- 00:14:41,882 --> 00:14:44,217 Butters, you black asshole! [ Grunts ]
- 00:14:44,342 --> 00:14:45,969 Please, be careful. You are frail.
- 00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:48,054 Is the Wii out? Where is the Wii?
- 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:49,973 [ Beeping ]
- 00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:51,558 Ah. Nintendo Wii --
- 00:14:51,683 --> 00:14:54,311 a primitive gaming device used in his time.
- 00:14:54,436 --> 00:14:55,145 Primitive?
- 00:14:55,270 --> 00:14:57,314 It has motion-control controllers, asswipe.
- 00:14:57,439 --> 00:14:59,441 Young man, you don't seem to understand.
- 00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:03,153 Your family, your friends, everyone you knew
- 00:15:03,278 --> 00:15:07,282 has been dead for over 500 years.
- 00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,743 I don't care! Is there a Nintendo Wii?!
- 00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:12,454 We don't play video games in our time.
- 00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:15,790 There's no such thing as a Nintendo Wii.
- 00:15:15,916 --> 00:15:17,834 - [ Dramatic music plays ] - No.
- 00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:20,629 No!
- 00:15:21,796 --> 00:15:23,924 [ Bell rings ]
- 00:15:24,049 --> 00:15:25,800 DAWKINS: You must understand, children,
- 00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:28,261 that we are dealing with very large numbers here.
- 00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:29,804 [ Thinking ] That's my man.
- 00:15:29,930 --> 00:15:33,224 So evolution doesn't even happen by chance.
- 00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:35,477 It is, in fact, bound to happen.
- 00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:36,853 That's right, kids.
- 00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:40,148 And so, you see, there is no God.
- 00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:41,149 Careful, darling.
- 00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:42,817 The school board doesn't like it when we --
- 00:15:42,943 --> 00:15:44,569 Well, there could still be a god.
- 00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:45,695 What?
- 00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:47,280 Couldn't evolution be the answer to "how?"
- 00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:48,698 And not the answer to "why?"
- 00:15:48,823 --> 00:15:51,493 - Uh-oh! Retard alert! - [ Bell clanging ]
- 00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:53,286 Retard alert, class!
- 00:15:53,411 --> 00:15:55,789 Do you believe in a flying spaghetti monster, too,
- 00:15:55,914 --> 00:15:56,831 bubble head?
- 00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:58,208 I wasn't talking about spaghetti.
- 00:15:58,333 --> 00:15:59,334 Come on, you.
- 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,378 You're gonna have to sit in the dunce chair!
- 00:16:07,509 --> 00:16:10,637 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- 00:16:10,762 --> 00:16:13,139 Ms. Garrison...
- 00:16:13,264 --> 00:16:16,476 I'm not so sure what you did in class today was right.
- 00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:17,894 What?
- 00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:21,147 But, Dick, you told me that the world would be a better place
- 00:16:21,272 --> 00:16:22,440 without religion.
- 00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:25,902 Yes, but to be so bold about it.
- 00:16:26,027 --> 00:16:30,615 I've just never seen a woman with such...balls.
- 00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:35,245 You've just been too soft on religious people in the past.
- 00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:36,746 Think about it, Richard.
- 00:16:36,871 --> 00:16:39,666 With your intellect and my balls,
- 00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:42,877 we can change the future of the world.
- 00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:45,296 Can you imagine a world with no religion?
- 00:16:45,422 --> 00:16:46,756 No Muslims killing Jews,
- 00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:49,426 no Christians bombing abortion clinics.
- 00:16:49,551 --> 00:16:54,222 The world would be a wonderful place...without God.
- 00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:56,808 You're the smartest man on earth, Dick.
- 00:16:56,933 --> 00:17:00,603 With me by your side, there's no stopping you.
- 00:17:00,729 --> 00:17:03,857 Oh, just let me see those beautiful breasts again.
- 00:17:03,982 --> 00:17:06,735 Oh...all right.
- 00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:10,447 Oh, yeah, baby.
- 00:17:10,572 --> 00:17:11,823 Pbbbbht!
- 00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:13,408 Oh, yeah! Oh!
- 00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:14,743 Pbbbbbht!
- 00:17:15,577 --> 00:17:18,621 Quick, General Disarray! Kill those superheroes!
- 00:17:18,747 --> 00:17:19,956 Pew-pew! Pew-pew!
- 00:17:20,081 --> 00:17:23,460 Yes! Now the world shall feel the wrath of Professor Chaos!
- 00:17:23,585 --> 00:17:25,170 - [ Laughs evilly ] - Butters?
- 00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:26,838 Butters, you haven't seen Eric Cartman
- 00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:28,882 in the past few days, have you?
- 00:17:29,007 --> 00:17:31,092 - [ Down-tempo music plays ] - Who, me?
- 00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:33,511 It's very important, Butters. He's missing.
- 00:17:33,636 --> 00:17:34,971 You haven't seen or heard from him?
- 00:17:36,431 --> 00:17:38,141 No, ma'am.
- 00:17:38,266 --> 00:17:39,976 Okay.
- 00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:42,479 Come on, Professor Chaos! Let's destroy this ant hill!
- 00:17:42,604 --> 00:17:45,315 G-General Disarray, can I ask you a scientific question?
- 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:46,524 Okay.
- 00:17:46,649 --> 00:17:48,735 Well, um, c-can anything bad happen
- 00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:50,278 if you completely freeze yourself
- 00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:52,864 and then unfreeze yourself three weeks later?
- 00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:54,282 Yeah.
- 00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:55,825 Well, like what?
- 00:17:55,950 --> 00:17:58,036 Like...you die.
- 00:17:58,161 --> 00:17:59,245 Die?!
- 00:17:59,370 --> 00:18:01,414 Well, yeah. If you freeze your body, it means you die.
- 00:18:01,539 --> 00:18:03,208 When you wake up three weeks later, you can be unfrozen,
- 00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:05,168 but you're still dead.
- 00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:07,337 Oh, hamburgers!
- 00:18:08,505 --> 00:18:09,923 Eric!
- 00:18:10,048 --> 00:18:11,132 Eric!
- 00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:14,177 You just left him here without a jacket or anything?
- 00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:15,595 He told me to!
- 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:16,971 He's dead for sure.
- 00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:17,972 Wait.
- 00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:19,808 It's all different!
- 00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:21,434 Nothing's in the same place!
- 00:18:21,559 --> 00:18:22,644 Oh, my God.
- 00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:24,020 Eric!
- 00:18:24,145 --> 00:18:25,355 Eric!
- 00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:26,856 Butters. B-Butters! Butters!
- 00:18:26,981 --> 00:18:28,691 - We have to get out of here. - What?
- 00:18:28,817 --> 00:18:30,360 Nobody is ever going to find his body.
- 00:18:30,485 --> 00:18:32,862 You've got to never say anything about this, you understand?
- 00:18:32,987 --> 00:18:33,863 He's dead!
- 00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:35,865 If they know you had a hand in it, you'll go to jail!
- 00:18:35,990 --> 00:18:37,784 But I just did what he told me!
- 00:18:37,909 --> 00:18:39,035 Come on! We have to leave!
- 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:40,703 Oh, jumpin' Jesus.
- 00:18:40,829 --> 00:18:42,622 [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:44,624 [ Wind whistling ]
- 00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:48,837 This is terrible.
- 00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:51,339 Five hundred years in the future.
- 00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:53,508 [ Sobbing ]
- 00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:57,512 Eric, I have good news for you.
- 00:18:57,637 --> 00:19:00,014 We may have found you a Nintendo Wii.
- 00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:01,724 What?! Really?!
- 00:19:01,850 --> 00:19:03,518 Yes! Yes!
- 00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:05,937 It's rumored that there's one at the Museum of Technology
- 00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:07,021 in New New Hampshire.
- 00:19:07,147 --> 00:19:09,065 So I'm not too late. Come on! Let's go!
- 00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:11,025 Well, there's just...
- 00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:14,320 T-There's something we need from <i>you</i> first.
- 00:19:15,405 --> 00:19:19,284 You see, my young friend, you were unfrozen for a reason.
- 00:19:19,409 --> 00:19:21,744 Lots of people froze themselves in cryogenic labs,
- 00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:23,246 and we don't unfreeze them.
- 00:19:23,371 --> 00:19:25,748 But you...are special.
- 00:19:25,874 --> 00:19:28,209 I know I'm special. This isn't news to me.
- 00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:30,962 You lived in the time when a great event happened,
- 00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:34,674 a glorious event that finally made all religion obsolete.
- 00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:39,304 Now the entire world is atheist.
- 00:19:39,971 --> 00:19:42,849 And this gets me a Nintendo Wii how?
- 00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:45,852 We believe that somebody you knew in your time
- 00:19:45,977 --> 00:19:49,564 was the person who first started our wonderful group --
- 00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:52,317 the Unified Atheist League!
- 00:19:52,442 --> 00:19:53,568 Who?
- 00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,069 [ Rumbling, alarm blaring ]
- 00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:57,864 What in science's name was that?
- 00:19:57,989 --> 00:20:00,700 [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:20:00,825 --> 00:20:02,952 [ Thud echoing ]
- 00:20:04,621 --> 00:20:05,830 Oh, no!
- 00:20:05,955 --> 00:20:08,166 It's the United Atheist Alliance!
- 00:20:08,291 --> 00:20:10,501 Oh, science help us!
- 00:20:11,753 --> 00:20:15,006 Science damn you, Unified Atheist League!
- 00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:16,007 Who are they?
- 00:20:16,132 --> 00:20:19,177 The alliance atheists. We're at war with them!
- 00:20:22,847 --> 00:20:24,307 [ Beeping ]
- 00:20:28,228 --> 00:20:30,563 - [ Beeping ] - No!
- 00:20:30,688 --> 00:20:31,898 Jesus Christ!
- 00:20:32,023 --> 00:20:35,235 [ Chuckles ] You believe in a supernatural being.
- 00:20:36,319 --> 00:20:38,821 - [ Beeping ] - Oh, my science.
- 00:20:40,823 --> 00:20:43,243 [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:20:44,118 --> 00:20:45,787 I'm just a little boy from the past
- 00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:48,706 who wants to play Nintendo Wii.
- 00:20:52,543 --> 00:20:55,171 Put me through to the Allied Atheist Allegiance!
- 00:20:55,296 --> 00:20:56,673 On-screen!
- 00:20:56,798 --> 00:20:59,634 Look, Allied Atheist Allegiance!
- 00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:02,178 We have the time child!
- 00:21:02,303 --> 00:21:05,848 Science damn you, United Atheist Alliance!
- 00:21:05,974 --> 00:21:09,060 Now you see, foolish sea otters,
- 00:21:09,185 --> 00:21:11,854 that we are the atheists in control!
- 00:21:11,980 --> 00:21:13,815 It won't make a difference.
- 00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:16,609 This is the dawning of the sea otter.
- 00:21:16,734 --> 00:21:19,028 Know this, time child!
- 00:21:19,153 --> 00:21:24,075 I shall smash your skull like a clam on my tummy!
- 00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:25,994 What?!
- 00:21:27,287 --> 00:21:29,998 Otters, the time has come!
- 00:21:30,123 --> 00:21:31,958 Sound the nafurtee!
- 00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:33,793 ALL: The nafurtee!
- 00:21:35,253 --> 00:21:38,548 [ Low-pitched tone plays ]
- 00:21:38,673 --> 00:21:39,716 [ Beeping ]
- 00:21:39,841 --> 00:21:43,386 So...it begins.
- 00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:04,000 ..:: SOUTH PARK 1012 ::.. http://southpark.org.ru http://forum.south-park.ru/
- 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:10,000 Перевод: T_$0ld!er
- 00:00:37,225 --> 00:00:40,225 Ну давай же, давай!
- 00:00:40,925 --> 00:00:45,525 - О Господи ты Боже мой, ну сколько ещё? - Вот ты где, Эрик. что ты тут делаешь?
- 00:00:45,625 --> 00:00:48,325 Я жду выхода новой Nintendo Wii.
- 00:00:48,625 --> 00:00:53,725 - И когда это? - Через три недели. Давай, ну давай же!
- 00:00:53,825 --> 00:00:56,925 - Тебе пора в школу. - Нет, мама, ты не понимаешь!
- 00:00:57,125 --> 00:01:02,825 Я ждал этого месяцами. А сейчас минуты кажутся вечностью.
- 00:01:03,125 --> 00:01:07,225 Это словно ожидание Рождества... Только в тысячу раз сильнее.
- 00:01:08,025 --> 00:01:10,525 Эрик, тебе придётся потерпеть.
- 00:01:10,625 --> 00:01:12,925 Нет! Нет!
- 00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:19,125 Директор Виктория, это неправильно! Это неправильно и я не намерена делать это.
- 00:01:19,225 --> 00:01:23,725 Мне не наплевать на своих учеников и я не буду забивать их головы бредом.
- 00:01:23,825 --> 00:01:27,025 Я НЕ БУДУ преподавать теорию эволюции в своём классе.
- 00:01:27,325 --> 00:01:31,825 Миссис Гариссон, теория эволюции - обязательная часть учебного плана. Вам придётся
- 00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:36,625 Эволюция это теория? Ха! Лже-наука, утверждающая, что я - обезьяна.
- 00:01:36,725 --> 00:01:39,325 А я не обезьяна! Я женщина!
- 00:01:40,825 --> 00:01:46,425 П'нятненько. А вам не приходило в голову, что она серьёзно обоснована?
- 00:01:46,525 --> 00:01:51,725 Я предупреждаю, директрисса Виктория! Эти дети не готовы услышать подобное.
- 00:01:51,925 --> 00:01:57,025 Наши дети хотят учиться, миссис Гариссон и они вполне готовы услышать это.
- 00:02:00,325 --> 00:02:02,325 Сколько осталось до выхода Nintendo Wii?
- 00:02:02,425 --> 00:02:05,225 - Всё ещё 3 недели. - Господи!
- 00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:08,725 - А сколько теперь осталось? - ты заткнёшься вконец?
- 00:02:10,625 --> 00:02:14,925 Так, дети, теперь это моя обязанность: рассказать вам про эволюцию.
- 00:02:15,075 --> 00:02:16,325 Ё-моё!
- 00:02:16,625 --> 00:02:20,525 Итак, слушайте все. Я считаю, что эволюция - редкий идиотизм,
- 00:02:21,325 --> 00:02:23,625 но меня заставили это рассказывать.
- 00:02:23,725 --> 00:02:27,025 Её выдумал Чарльз Дарвин, и выглядит это примерно так:
- 00:02:27,525 --> 00:02:31,925 Поначалу мы все были рыбами. ясно? ...и плавали в воде.
- 00:02:32,025 --> 00:02:35,625 И однажды у двух рыб родился ребёнок-инвалид,...
- 00:02:35,725 --> 00:02:38,725 который сильно отличался от других.
- 00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:42,425 И этот мелкий рыб наплодил ещё кучу рыб-инвалидов,
- 00:02:42,425 --> 00:02:48,525 и один из них с помощью своих мутировавших отростков выполз на сушу.
- 00:02:48,725 --> 00:02:52,925 И эта дрянь занялась анальным сексом с чем-то типа белки и родила вот это.
- 00:02:53,025 --> 00:02:59,125 Отсталую лягушко-белку, которая разродилась обезьяно-лягушко-белкой.
- 00:02:59,875 --> 00:03:03,625 А потом эта тварь поимела ещё одну обезьяну и родила ублюдка,
- 00:03:03,625 --> 00:03:07,275 который трахнул макаку и...
- 00:03:07,275 --> 00:03:09,125 Родились вы!
- 00:03:10,525 --> 00:03:11,825 Так то вот!
- 00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:17,525 вы - убогие отпрыски пяти обезьян, отпедривших рыбо-белку. Мои поздравления!
- 00:03:18,725 --> 00:03:21,025 Я больше не вытерплю!
- 00:03:22,825 --> 00:03:26,325 Видите? Я знала, что так случится.
- 00:03:30,425 --> 00:03:33,125 Давай! Давай!
- 00:03:33,925 --> 00:03:39,025 Слушай, пацан, ну сколько повторять: почётный караул у магазина не ускорит выхода Wii.
- 00:03:40,525 --> 00:03:42,625 Эрик, ты идёшь домой, немедленно!
- 00:03:42,725 --> 00:03:45,125 Можно мне остаться и... немножко посмотреть на рекламный плакат?
- 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:48,825 Уже пора спать. Если ты, уснёшь, время понесётся быстрее.
- 00:03:59,625 --> 00:04:01,025 Господи!
- 00:04:37,525 --> 00:04:40,625 с меня хватит! Я не буду ждать 3 недели!
- 00:04:42,125 --> 00:04:45,825 - Пацаны, пацаны! Вы должны мне помочь! - Неважно выглядишь, Картман.
- 00:04:45,825 --> 00:04:50,025 Пацаны, я больше не выдержу. Ожидание Wii словно убивает меня.
- 00:04:50,125 --> 00:04:52,625 Ничего не поделаешь, придётся потерпеть.
- 00:04:52,725 --> 00:04:55,525 Нет, я могу кое-что. (что?)
- 00:04:56,625 --> 00:05:02,325 Слушайте, во всех научно-фантастических фильмах астронавтов засовывают в ускорители реальности, так?
- 00:05:02,375 --> 00:05:04,725 - Я думаю, я знаю как это сделать. - Сделать что?
- 00:05:04,825 --> 00:05:10,725 Заморозить меня. Я себя заморожу, а вы, через 3 недели, меня разморозите.
- 00:05:10,925 --> 00:05:13,325 Тогда 3 недели пролетят моментально для меня.
- 00:05:13,925 --> 00:05:17,525 - Нет. - Это простая наука, Кайл. - Ты сдохнешь, дебил!
- 00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:20,875 я сдохну если буду ждать выхода Wii! Это мой единственный шанс!
- 00:05:20,925 --> 00:05:23,625 - Не, чувак, ни в коем случае. - Ага. Я ненавижу тебя, но пособничать в убийстве не буду.
- 00:05:23,625 --> 00:05:25,925 я думал, вы мне друзья! Похоже, я ошибался.
- 00:05:25,925 --> 00:05:29,725 После всего, через что мы прошли вместе, вы не хотите мне помочь даже заморозить себя!
- 00:05:32,725 --> 00:05:36,125 Директрисса Виктория, мы ревностные католики.
- 00:05:36,225 --> 00:05:40,525 Не скажете ли мне, почему моя дочь теперь думает, что она убогая рыбо-белка?
- 00:05:40,825 --> 00:05:43,025 А я ведь говорила, что так будет, не правда ли?
- 00:05:43,125 --> 00:05:44,825 Мистер Трискотти, я не знала, что...
- 00:05:44,875 --> 00:05:49,225 Мы убили годы, чтобы вдолбить дочери учение Иисуса Христа
- 00:05:49,225 --> 00:05:52,725 а вы в один миг хотите это разрушить?
- 00:05:52,825 --> 00:05:53,725 Мои слова.
- 00:05:53,825 --> 00:05:58,225 Сэр, если вы не хотите, чтобы Ваша дочь изучала эволюцию, мы выгоним её из класса.
- 00:05:58,275 --> 00:06:01,925 - И вы скорее всего сделаете это! - Но папа, я хочу узнать всё.
- 00:06:01,975 --> 00:06:03,625 Нет, не хочешь! Замолкни!
- 00:06:04,625 --> 00:06:08,425 Я же говорила, что мы должны оставить затею изучения эволюции в школе.
- 00:06:08,525 --> 00:06:12,125 мне стало ясно, что вы недостаточно хорошо знаете теорию эволюции, чтобы преподавать её.
- 00:06:12,225 --> 00:06:15,125 Я Вас заменила. Мистер Доукинс.
- 00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:20,725 - За... заменили? - Ричард Доукинс всемирно-известный учёный-эволюционист.
- 00:06:20,925 --> 00:06:23,425 Честь познакомиться с Вами, мисс...
- 00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:26,925 Заткнись, педик! Директрисса Виктория, я могу учить свой собственный класс!
- 00:06:26,975 --> 00:06:30,925 Вы будете сидеть в классе и делать всё, что попросит мистер Доукинс!
- 00:06:34,325 --> 00:06:39,525 Миллионы лет жизнь эволюционировала от простых одноклеточных организмов
- 00:06:39,525 --> 00:06:43,225 к сложным плюаралистичным структурам, что мы видим сегодня.
- 00:06:43,425 --> 00:06:45,125 Как бы не так.
- 00:06:45,425 --> 00:06:50,425 Именно генетические изменения позволили первым млекопитающим дышать на суше.
- 00:06:50,525 --> 00:06:52,225 Убогие лягушко-рыбы.
- 00:06:52,625 --> 00:06:55,625 Мисс Гариссон, это весьма грубое упрощение.
- 00:06:55,825 --> 00:06:59,025 Ну вы и педик!... Можете продолжать.
- 00:06:59,125 --> 00:07:03,725 Видите ли, дети, жизнь обладает потрясающей склонностью к развитию, адаптации.
- 00:07:03,825 --> 00:07:06,625 Например, когда обезъяна стала ходить прямо, появился человек.
- 00:07:06,725 --> 00:07:09,525 так вы утверждаете, что мы все потомки обезъян?
- 00:07:09,825 --> 00:07:11,575 Ну, в какой-то мере - да.
- 00:07:11,675 --> 00:07:15,825 Вы когда-нибудь видели обезъян в зоопарке? Они срут себе в ладоши и кидаются этим в людей.
- 00:07:16,225 --> 00:07:19,825 Мисс Гариссон, это не домыслы, это научный факт.
- 00:07:19,925 --> 00:07:25,125 А как насчёт факта того, что если вы верите в эту чушь, то вы отправитесь в ад?
- 00:07:25,325 --> 00:07:28,125 Вообще-то, меня это не беспокоит. Я атеист.
- 00:07:28,625 --> 00:07:33,325 Ага! Вот и попался! Я вас раскусила!
- 00:07:33,625 --> 00:07:35,025 Я никогда и не скрывал.
- 00:07:35,025 --> 00:07:38,725 И если я мартышка, я могу вести себя как мартышка, так?
- 00:07:41,625 --> 00:07:43,525 Мать моя женщина, что Вы творите?
- 00:07:43,725 --> 00:07:46,625 Не спрашивайте меня, я, бл*дь, обезьяна!
- 00:07:49,625 --> 00:07:53,275 Директрисса Виктория, я всего лишь пыталась показать мистеру Доукинсу
- 00:07:53,325 --> 00:07:55,925 несоответствия в некоторых научных утверждениях.
- 00:07:55,925 --> 00:07:58,825 Мисс Гариссон, я удаляю Вас из этого класса.
- 00:07:58,925 --> 00:08:02,925 - Что? - Директрисса Виктория, я не думаю, что это правильная мера.
- 00:08:03,125 --> 00:08:09,325 Эта женщина очень упряма, но она действительно заботится о своих учениках.
- 00:08:11,225 --> 00:08:15,625 Что ж, ладно. Но вы больше не будете кидаться... испражнениями, понятно?
- 00:08:18,425 --> 00:08:21,525 Мисс Гариссон, можно Вас на пару слов?
- 00:08:21,625 --> 00:08:22,825 Чего?
- 00:08:22,825 --> 00:08:28,825 Слушайте, я знаю, Вы думаете, у нас с вами вражда, но я хотел бы, чтоб вы знали: я восхищён вашим пылом.
- 00:08:29,925 --> 00:08:31,225 моим... пылом?
- 00:08:31,625 --> 00:08:35,525 Я ещё не встречал женщину столь... сильную.
- 00:08:35,825 --> 00:08:39,625 Нет, я всего лишь... выказываю женское негодование от раза к разу.
- 00:08:39,725 --> 00:08:43,725 Столько смелости в женщине, это так прекрасно..
- 00:08:44,025 --> 00:08:49,225 - Простите, Вы наверное замужем, но я... - Нет-нет, мой муж... он умер.
- 00:08:49,825 --> 00:08:53,125 В таком случае,... не желаете ли со мной отужинать?
- 00:08:53,325 --> 00:08:57,725 Ну... Ну я думаю, мы могли бы съесть по котлете или что-то типа того.
- 00:09:01,225 --> 00:09:04,225 У меня свидание!
- 00:09:04,325 --> 00:09:08,725 Моё первое настоящее свидание с настоящим мужчином с тех пор, как я сменила пол!
- 00:09:08,825 --> 00:09:12,225 Чёрт, что бы мне надеть? эй, люди! Ура!
- 00:09:22,534 --> 00:09:25,984 - Закрой дверь, я пытаюсь заморозиться! - Эрик, немедленно вылезай.
- 00:09:26,084 --> 00:09:27,484 Нет! Нет, у меня почти получилось!
- 00:09:27,584 --> 00:09:32,084 Так, Эрик, это зашло слишком далеко. Тебе нужно учиться терпеть.
- 00:09:34,984 --> 00:09:36,684 Баттерс, доставай свою куртку, нам надо идти.
- 00:09:37,284 --> 00:09:40,084 - Куда идти? - ты должен помочь мне заморозить себя.
- 00:09:42,284 --> 00:09:43,684 Без проблем.
- 00:09:54,484 --> 00:09:56,684 Ну и как же нам отсюда выбираться?
- 00:09:56,684 --> 00:10:01,484 Баттерс, если кто-то наткнётся на моё замороженное тело, они попытаются спасти меня. Меня нужно спрятать.
- 00:10:03,384 --> 00:10:04,684 Это подойдёт.
- 00:10:06,784 --> 00:10:11,484 И что бы ни случилось, Баттерс, ты не будешь размораживать меня до момента выхода Nintendo Wii, понял?
- 00:10:11,584 --> 00:10:13,784 Эрик, ты уверен в том, что это хорошая идея?
- 00:10:13,884 --> 00:10:16,784 Нет, это не хорошая идея, это шикарная идея.
- 00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:19,284 Да... наверное...
- 00:10:19,384 --> 00:10:22,184 Итак, ты запомнил это место? ты не должен меня потерять!
- 00:10:22,284 --> 00:10:24,884 Я запомнил... Большое дерево, овальная скала.
- 00:10:24,984 --> 00:10:28,084 Всё, теперь пошёл отсюда. Если мы замёрзнем оба, нам крышка.
- 00:10:31,184 --> 00:10:33,684 Пошёл отсюда, дебил! Ты мне весь кайф испортишь.
- 00:10:34,284 --> 00:10:35,784 Боже мой.
- 00:10:39,184 --> 00:10:44,084 Да, давай же. Мёрзни, мёрзни!
- 00:10:46,084 --> 00:10:48,084 Ну я и сказала своему гинекологу:
- 00:10:48,084 --> 00:10:52,184 "Вы мне слишком много всего в вагину пихаете, может, теперь мне вас осмотреть?"
- 00:10:53,484 --> 00:10:57,384 Мисс Гариссон, вы самая непосредственная женщина из всех, кого я знал.
- 00:10:57,484 --> 00:10:59,684 Вы словно сама мужчина.
- 00:10:59,984 --> 00:11:01,684 Хе, да, почти.
- 00:11:01,884 --> 00:11:07,184 В Вас столько смелости, столько жизни. Если бы Вы только были атеистом
- 00:11:10,284 --> 00:11:13,284 Ну... ну, Вы знаете, я поддатлива на чепуху.
- 00:11:13,684 --> 00:11:17,484 Почему такие прямые люди как вы отдают себя Богу?
- 00:11:18,034 --> 00:11:25,684 Ну, я не совсем... Я не полностью отдала себя Богу, просто, ну, понимаете, Вы же не можете доказать, что его нет?
- 00:11:25,984 --> 00:11:28,784 ну а что если я скажу вам, что существует летающее макаронное чудище?
- 00:11:28,784 --> 00:11:31,684 Вы поверите в него просто потому что не можете доказать, что его нет?
- 00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:36,184 Вы правы! Это же так просто!
- 00:11:36,284 --> 00:11:41,084 Бог - это макаронное чудище. Спасибо Вам, чёрт побери! Вы открыли мне глаза!
- 00:11:41,284 --> 00:11:43,684 Эй, слушайте все, я атеистка!
- 00:11:44,384 --> 00:11:46,684 Правда? Это же здорово!
- 00:11:46,784 --> 00:11:51,484 Всё, я окончательно всё поняла! Эволюция всё объясняет!
- 00:11:51,584 --> 00:11:55,884 Не существует никакой Велиой истины жизни, только эволюция и макаронное чудище.
- 00:11:55,884 --> 00:11:59,484 - Спасибо, Ричард! - Вы меня так обрадовали.
- 00:11:59,984 --> 00:12:03,984 Вы не зайдёте ко мне... на чашечку кофе?
- 00:12:06,984 --> 00:12:11,584 О да! Да, я обезьяна! Дайте этой обезъяне того, что она хочет!
- 00:12:11,784 --> 00:12:17,284 - О миссис Гариссон! - Да, долби мою обезьянью дыру! Да, я обезьяна, и мне супер!
- 00:12:25,684 --> 00:12:27,984 Nintendo.
- 00:12:28,684 --> 00:12:33,284 Я иду, Nintendo.
- 00:14:07,184 --> 00:14:08,384 Есть пульс.
- 00:14:12,784 --> 00:14:15,184 Ты меня понимаешь?
- 00:14:15,384 --> 00:14:19,384 - Где я? - Меня зовут Швек. Ты в безопасности.
- 00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:21,484 Где в безопасности, идиот?
- 00:14:22,084 --> 00:14:28,584 мой друг, не пугайся, но это... 2546 год.
- 00:14:29,984 --> 00:14:31,084 Что??
- 00:14:31,384 --> 00:14:35,084 Ты был заморожен 500 лет.
- 00:14:40,984 --> 00:14:43,784 Баттерс! Баттерс, ты зло#бучая крыса!
- 00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:48,184 - Пожалуйста, будь осторожнее. ты ещё не пришёл в себя. - Вышла ли Wii? Где Wii?
- 00:14:50,484 --> 00:14:54,384 А, Nintendo Wii, примитивное игровое устройство его времён.
- 00:14:54,384 --> 00:14:57,484 Примитивное? У него есть регуляторы движения, кретин!
- 00:14:57,584 --> 00:14:59,684 Молодой человек, ты, вероятно не понял...
- 00:14:59,834 --> 00:15:06,884 Твоя семья, друзья, все, кого ты знал погибли около 500 лет назад.
- 00:15:07,384 --> 00:15:09,884 Да мне плевать! Есть тут Nintendo Wii?
- 00:15:10,184 --> 00:15:15,484 Мы не играем в видеоигры здесь. Тут не существует Nintendo Wii.
- 00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:20,484 Нет. Неееет!
- 00:15:24,614 --> 00:15:28,714 Вы должны понимать, дети, что мы имеем дело здесь с очень большими числами.
- 00:15:28,814 --> 00:15:30,114 Это мой мужчина!
- 00:15:30,114 --> 00:15:35,814 Эволюция произошла не просто так, на самом деле, она должна была произойти.
- 00:15:35,875 --> 00:15:40,175 Это правда, дети. И вы видите, что нет никакого Бога.
- 00:15:40,375 --> 00:15:44,475 - Осторожно, дорогая. школьный совет не любит, когда... - Но ведь эволюция не исключает существования Бога.
- 00:15:45,375 --> 00:15:48,875 - Что? - Эволюция говорит "как", но не "почему".
- 00:15:49,275 --> 00:15:53,475 тревога! В классе замечен отсталый! Позор отсталому, класс!
- 00:15:53,575 --> 00:15:56,875 Ты тоже веришь в летающее макаронное чудище, яйцеголовый?
- 00:15:56,925 --> 00:16:01,675 - я ничего не говорил про макароны... - Иди сюда! Посидишь на месте для тупых.
- 00:16:05,175 --> 00:16:06,175 "Я ВЕРЮ"
- 00:16:11,375 --> 00:16:16,775 Мисс Гариссон, я не уверен, что то, что вы сделали сегодня в классе - правильно.
- 00:16:16,825 --> 00:16:22,375 Что? Но Дик, ты сказал мне, что мир станет лучше без религии.
- 00:16:22,675 --> 00:16:25,975 Да, но ты столь... смела в этом плане.
- 00:16:26,175 --> 00:16:30,875 Я ещё не встречал женщины столь мужественной.
- 00:16:31,775 --> 00:16:35,175 Ты был слишком обходителен с верующими раньше...
- 00:16:35,775 --> 00:16:39,875 Подумай об этом, Ричард. С твоим интеллектом и моей силой...
- 00:16:40,175 --> 00:16:42,875 мы можем изменить будущее мира.
- 00:16:42,975 --> 00:16:45,375 Только представь себе мир без религии!
- 00:16:45,375 --> 00:16:49,675 Мусульмане не убивают евреев, Христиане не взрывают клиники абортов.
- 00:16:49,725 --> 00:16:54,075 Мир был бы замечательным местом... без Бога.
- 00:16:54,775 --> 00:17:00,675 ты умнейший человек на земле, Дик. С моей поддержкой, никто не сможет тебя остановить
- 00:17:00,875 --> 00:17:04,075 Дай мне взглянуть ещё раз на твои прекрасные гуди.
- 00:17:04,475 --> 00:17:06,775 Конечно, милый..
- 00:17:09,075 --> 00:17:11,175 О да, детка.
- 00:17:15,675 --> 00:17:18,875 Быстрее, генерал Бардак! Убей тех супергероев.
- 00:17:20,175 --> 00:17:23,975 Да, мир почувствует злость профессора Хаоса!
- 00:17:24,575 --> 00:17:28,575 Баттерс, ты не видел случайно Эрика Картмана последние дни?
- 00:17:30,175 --> 00:17:31,375 Кто, я?
- 00:17:31,675 --> 00:17:35,175 Это очень важно, Баттерс. Он пропал. Ты ничего не знаешь о нём?
- 00:17:36,675 --> 00:17:37,875 Нет, мам.
- 00:17:38,875 --> 00:17:40,175 Хорошо.
- 00:17:40,375 --> 00:17:42,575 Вперёд, профессор Хаос! Уничтожим этот муравейник!
- 00:17:42,675 --> 00:17:46,475 - Генерал Бардак, могу я задать Вам научный вопрос? - Конечно.
- 00:17:46,775 --> 00:17:52,775 Ну... Может ли что-то плохое случиться, если ты заморозил себя полностью, и разморозили тебя только через 3 недели?
- 00:17:53,775 --> 00:17:55,875 - Да. - Ну и типа чего?
- 00:17:56,275 --> 00:17:59,375 - Типа смерти. - Смерти?
- 00:17:59,475 --> 00:18:04,675 Да. Если ты обморозишь своё тело, ты умрёшь. Если через 3 недели тебя достанут и разморозят, ты всё равно будешь мёртв.
- 00:18:05,275 --> 00:18:07,175 Мама!
- 00:18:08,675 --> 00:18:11,175 Эрик!
- 00:18:11,375 --> 00:18:14,375 ты просто оставил его здесь? Без одежды и всего остального?
- 00:18:14,475 --> 00:18:17,075 - Как он мне сказал. - Он точно уже мёртв.
- 00:18:17,275 --> 00:18:21,575 Стой. тут всё по другому. ничего похожего на то место.
- 00:18:21,875 --> 00:18:23,175 Господи Боже мой!
- 00:18:23,275 --> 00:18:25,575 Эрик!
- 00:18:25,675 --> 00:18:28,675 - Баттерс, нам надо уходить отсюда! - Что??
- 00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:33,075 Никто никогда не найдёт его тело. Ты никому ничего об этом не скажешь, понял?
- 00:18:33,275 --> 00:18:35,975 Он мёртв, и если кто-то узнает, что ты к этому причастен, тебя посадят в тюрьму!
- 00:18:36,075 --> 00:18:39,475 - Но я просто делал, что он сказал мне! - Пойдём, нам надо идти!
- 00:18:39,575 --> 00:18:41,075 Чёрт побери.
- 00:18:47,575 --> 00:18:51,275 Это ужасно! 500 лет в будущем.
- 00:18:56,275 --> 00:18:59,875 Эрик, у меня хорошие новости. Мы можем достать тебе Nintendo Wii.
- 00:19:00,375 --> 00:19:03,575 что, правда? ДА! ДА!
- 00:19:03,775 --> 00:19:07,175 По слухам, осталась одна в Политехниеском Музее в Нью Нью Хемпшире.
- 00:19:07,275 --> 00:19:09,675 так ещё не поздно! Пойдёмте, идёмте же!
- 00:19:09,775 --> 00:19:14,075 Только... сначала и нам кое-что от тебя нужно.
- 00:19:15,475 --> 00:19:19,575 Видишь ли, дружок, тебя разморозили не просто так, а с определённой целью.
- 00:19:19,575 --> 00:19:23,475 Многие заморозили себя в криогенных камерах, и мы не размораживаем их...
- 00:19:23,575 --> 00:19:28,275 - ...Но ты... особенный. - я знаю, что я особенный, это для меня не новость.
- 00:19:28,475 --> 00:19:34,875 Ты жил во времена, когда произошло величайшее событие. Победоносное событие, которое похоронило все религии.
- 00:19:35,075 --> 00:19:38,675 Теперь целый мир - атеисты.
- 00:19:40,375 --> 00:19:42,775 И это позволит мне получить Nintendo Wii?
- 00:19:43,175 --> 00:19:49,875 Мы верим, что кто-то, с кем ты был знаком, основал замечательное движение:...
- 00:19:49,875 --> 00:19:53,475 - Лига Объединённых Атеистов. - Кто?
- 00:19:55,475 --> 00:19:57,875 Во имя науки, что это было?
- 00:20:04,975 --> 00:20:08,375 О нет! Это Альянс объединённых атеистов.
- 00:20:08,425 --> 00:20:10,675 О наука, помоги нам!
- 00:20:12,375 --> 00:20:15,175 Наука накажет вас, Лига Объединённых Атеистов!
- 00:20:15,275 --> 00:20:18,975 - Кто они? - Атеисты из альянса, мы воюем с ними.
- 00:20:28,875 --> 00:20:29,975 НЕТ!
- 00:20:30,675 --> 00:20:32,075 Господи Иисусе!
- 00:20:32,875 --> 00:20:35,175 Ха-ха, ты веришь в сверхестественное существо!
- 00:20:36,975 --> 00:20:39,175 О Наука!
- 00:20:44,275 --> 00:20:47,975 Я всего лишь маленький мальчик из прошлого, который хочет поиграть в Nintendo Wii.
- 00:20:52,675 --> 00:20:55,375 свяжите меня с Независимым Сообществом Атеистов.
- 00:20:55,875 --> 00:20:56,975 На проводе.
- 00:20:57,475 --> 00:21:01,875 Ха, обломитесь, НСА! У нас Дитя Времени!
- 00:21:02,675 --> 00:21:06,075 Наука покарает вас, Альянс!
- 00:21:06,375 --> 00:21:11,875 Видите, глупые выдры, мы теперь главные атеисты!
- 00:21:12,175 --> 00:21:16,775 Не имеет значения, это рассвет выдр! да будет тебе известно, Дитя Времени
- 00:21:16,975 --> 00:21:23,975 я раздавлю твою голову как креветку у себя на тарелке!
- 00:21:25,075 --> 00:21:26,175 Что???
- 00:21:27,275 --> 00:21:32,175 Выдры! Время пришло! Трубите в рог!
- 00:21:32,275 --> 00:21:33,975 Рог!
- 00:21:41,175 --> 00:21:43,875 Началось...
- 00:21:43,875 --> 00:21:44,875 Продолжение следует...
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