Занимайтесь любовью, а не Warcraft’ом
Описание
Ребята играют в «World of Warcraft», однако их и других персонажей всё время кто-то убивает. Они решают ценой огромных усилий исправить ситуацию.
Субтитры
eng__.srt
eng__.srt
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♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:13,806 --> 00:00:15,349
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
00:00:15,474 --> 00:00:18,561
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,271
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,396 --> 00:00:21,605
♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
00:00:21,731 --> 00:00:25,151
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:25,276 --> 00:00:28,112
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
00:00:28,237 --> 00:00:32,950
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
00:00:40,416 --> 00:00:44,170
Oh, dude.
I just took the biggest crap!
00:00:44,295 --> 00:00:45,838
Hey, where are you guys?
00:00:45,963 --> 00:00:48,215
We're over here by the cart!
00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:50,593
Okay.
I'm back.
00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:52,720
Dude, we've been waiting
forever!
00:00:52,845 --> 00:00:54,889
Well, I'm sorry.
I had to take a dump!
00:00:55,014 --> 00:00:56,182
If you didn't eat so much,
00:00:56,307 --> 00:00:58,184
you wouldn't have diarrhea
all the time, fat-ass.
00:00:58,309 --> 00:01:00,770
Hey, I don't need to take
any lip from a frickin' girl!
00:01:00,895 --> 00:01:02,438
Mrph rmhmhm rm rmph.
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,440
Totally!
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:07,068
Come on. We have to finish
the quest in Stonehaven.
00:01:07,193 --> 00:01:09,695
Stan? Stan?
00:01:09,820 --> 00:01:11,363
Hang on, guys.
My dad wants something.
00:01:11,489 --> 00:01:14,033
- Stan!
- What?!
00:01:14,158 --> 00:01:16,160
You've been on your computer
all weekend.
00:01:16,285 --> 00:01:18,537
Shouldn't you go out
and socialize with your friends?
00:01:18,662 --> 00:01:20,372
I am socializing, r-tard.
00:01:20,498 --> 00:01:23,417
I'm logged on to an MMORPG with
people from all over the world
00:01:23,542 --> 00:01:26,253
and getting XP with my party
using TeamSpeak.
00:01:28,881 --> 00:01:30,758
I'm not an r-tard.
00:01:31,884 --> 00:01:33,886
All right.
Sorry, guys.
00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:34,929
So, where to now?
00:01:35,054 --> 00:01:36,722
See where I am? It's this way.
00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:38,015
Yeah. Come on. Let's go.
00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:39,850
Right-click on me to follow.
00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:43,687
I am the mightiest dwarf
in all of Azeroth!
00:01:43,813 --> 00:01:45,898
Wow! Look at all these people
playing right now!
00:01:46,023 --> 00:01:47,024
Yeah.
It's bullcrap.
00:01:47,149 --> 00:01:49,360
I'll bet half of these people
are Koreans.
00:01:49,485 --> 00:01:51,862
Oh, crap!
It's that guy again!
00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:54,657
Who is this?
00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:56,367
This is the guy
that kept killing us last night
00:01:56,492 --> 00:01:57,701
after you went to bed!
00:01:57,827 --> 00:01:59,537
Get out of here, asshole!
00:01:59,662 --> 00:02:01,205
He's a way higher level than us.
It isn't fair.
00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:02,289
It's all right.
00:02:02,414 --> 00:02:04,250
He can't kill us
unless we agree to duel.
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:09,672
Oh, my God!
He killed Kenny!
00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:11,215
You bastard!
00:02:16,011 --> 00:02:17,596
Don't you
have better things to do
00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:19,140
than going online
killing people?!
00:02:20,683 --> 00:02:23,727
No! I don't want to have to
start over at the graveyard! No!
00:02:27,106 --> 00:02:28,691
That son of a bitch!
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,109
Who is that guy?
00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:34,155
Whoever he is,
he is one tough badass.
00:02:41,871 --> 00:02:43,455
"World of Warcraft"
support line.
00:02:43,581 --> 00:02:45,541
Yeah. We bought your game
and play it online.
00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:46,625
But every time we log in,
00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:48,127
some other player comes in
and kills us.
00:02:48,252 --> 00:02:50,171
Oh.
That shouldn't happen.
00:02:50,296 --> 00:02:52,423
We designed the game so that
players have to agree to a duel
00:02:52,548 --> 00:02:53,757
before they can kill each other.
00:02:53,883 --> 00:02:55,259
Yeah. Well, this guy
does it anyways!
00:02:55,384 --> 00:02:56,594
He's a goddamn butthole!
00:02:56,719 --> 00:02:58,137
Really?
That's odd.
00:02:58,262 --> 00:03:00,764
More people calling in about
their characters getting killed.
00:03:00,890 --> 00:03:01,765
Oh, no.
00:03:01,891 --> 00:03:04,101
Well, we'll certainly keep
a lookout for that player
00:03:04,226 --> 00:03:05,728
and ban him from the network.
00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:07,605
Better tell the guys upstairs.
00:03:08,981 --> 00:03:11,734
Fellow board members,
we have a problem.
00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:13,611
Somebody in
the World of Warcraft
00:03:13,736 --> 00:03:16,238
is ignoring the world's rules
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:19,700
and is going around
killing innocent players.
00:03:19,825 --> 00:03:22,328
Why kill innocent players?
00:03:22,453 --> 00:03:24,997
The game is about
finishing quests.
00:03:25,122 --> 00:03:27,249
We've got to delete him
from the servers.
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:28,375
We can't.
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:29,668
Whoever this player is,
00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:32,004
he's played "World of Warcraft"
so much
00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:35,174
that he has reached a level
we thought unreachable.
00:03:35,299 --> 00:03:37,927
He is actually able to kill
our admins,
00:03:38,052 --> 00:03:40,179
and he grows stronger every day.
00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:41,889
Jesus.
00:03:42,014 --> 00:03:43,432
I've got to get home!
00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:46,101
My kids are playing
"World of Warcraft" right now!
00:03:46,227 --> 00:03:50,189
Jim, your kids' characters
are already dead.
00:03:50,856 --> 00:03:52,274
No.
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,068
No.
00:03:54,193 --> 00:03:57,279
They just started playing!
00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:59,698
What kind of person
would do this?
00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:01,492
Only one kind.
00:04:01,617 --> 00:04:04,286
Whoever this person is, he has
played "World of Warcraft"
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:08,540
nearly every hour of every day
for the past year and a half.
00:04:08,666 --> 00:04:12,711
Gentlemen, we are dealing with
someone here who...
00:04:12,836 --> 00:04:15,005
has absolutely no life.
00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:20,302
How do you kill
that which has no life?
00:04:25,891 --> 00:04:28,269
Randy, you working on
that sediment analysis?
00:04:28,394 --> 00:04:29,311
Not now, Nelson.
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:31,063
I just joined a big party
of night elves,
00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:33,857
and we're gonna explore
the Tower of Azora together.
00:04:33,983 --> 00:04:35,359
Is that a computer game?
00:04:35,484 --> 00:04:37,987
No, r-tard.
It's an MMORPG.
00:04:38,112 --> 00:04:39,530
These are real people
I'm playing with.
00:04:39,655 --> 00:04:42,032
See?
I'm a hunter, level 2.
00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:43,659
I can chat
with all these other people.
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,494
I can even wave to this guy.
See?
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:46,704
Hello!
00:04:46,829 --> 00:04:49,832
In the outside world,
I'm a simple geologist.
00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:51,375
But in here...
00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:54,670
I am Falcorn,
defender of the alliance.
00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,547
I have braved
the Fargodeep Mine,
00:04:56,672 --> 00:04:58,299
defeated the bloodfish
at Jerod's Landing --
00:05:02,386 --> 00:05:06,598
Hm. Looks like that guy
just killed you.
00:05:07,099 --> 00:05:08,225
What?!
00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:09,601
Why?
00:05:09,727 --> 00:05:10,644
Why?!
00:05:11,312 --> 00:05:13,772
My friends, as you all know,
00:05:13,897 --> 00:05:15,941
some giant butthole keeps
logging on to Warcraft
00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:17,526
and killing all our characters.
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,486
The past four nights
we've tried to play,
00:05:19,611 --> 00:05:20,738
he shows up and kills us.
00:05:20,863 --> 00:05:23,282
He killed my character
right in the middle of a quest!
00:05:23,407 --> 00:05:24,575
Mine too!
00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:26,785
We've learned that the four
of us can't fight him alone.
00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:30,622
But if we all log in together,
we might have a chance.
00:05:30,748 --> 00:05:31,832
Hey! Yeah!
00:05:31,957 --> 00:05:34,501
We can really stick it
to that ass m-munch.
00:05:34,626 --> 00:05:35,544
Are you guys dumb?
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,338
We can't beat him,
even with all of us.
00:05:37,463 --> 00:05:39,381
- It's a waste of time.
- Dude, we have to try.
00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:41,300
I've got better things to do.
00:05:41,425 --> 00:05:42,509
Clyde! Clyde!
00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:44,678
If you had a chance right now
to go back in time
00:05:44,803 --> 00:05:47,431
and stop Hitler,
wouldn't you do it?
00:05:47,556 --> 00:05:49,224
I mean,
I personally wouldn't stop him
00:05:49,350 --> 00:05:51,268
because I think he was awesome,
but you would, right?
00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:53,145
I'm just gonna stop playing.
00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:55,105
When Hitler rose to power,
there were a lot of people
00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:56,732
who just stopped playing.
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:59,151
You know who those people were?
The French.
00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:00,361
Are you French, Clyde?
00:06:00,486 --> 00:06:01,487
No.
00:06:01,612 --> 00:06:03,781
Voulez-vous coucher
avec moi, Clyde?
00:06:03,906 --> 00:06:05,699
All right! All right!
I'll do it!
00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:06,909
So what's the p-plan?
00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:07,910
All right,
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:10,496
Log in tonight from your
computers at precisely 7:30.
00:06:10,621 --> 00:06:11,497
We will meet here,
00:06:11,622 --> 00:06:13,248
on the plains of the
Elwynn forest near Westfall.
00:06:13,374 --> 00:06:15,292
My friends, to victory!
00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:17,169
To victory!
00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:19,713
I don't play
"World of Warcraft."
00:06:20,798 --> 00:06:22,883
Butters, you said you're
on your computer all the time.
00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:25,803
Yeah, but I'm playing
"Hello Kitty Island Adventure."
00:06:27,388 --> 00:06:29,640
Butters,
go buy "World of Warcraft,"
00:06:29,765 --> 00:06:32,017
install it on your computer,
and join the online sensation
00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:33,352
before we all murder you.
00:06:33,477 --> 00:06:36,939
Oh. Oh, all right.
All right, then.
00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:45,447
All right, you guys!
This is it!
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:46,782
When the attack begins,
00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:48,826
all warriors click
on "defensive stance."
00:06:48,951 --> 00:06:51,870
Everyone else wait for Craig
to cast his intellect buff.
00:06:51,995 --> 00:06:53,372
- Okay!
- Got it.
00:06:53,497 --> 00:06:54,915
The battle is sure to be long,
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:57,000
so make sure you all have
your special abilities
00:06:57,126 --> 00:06:58,335
macroed to your keyboards.
00:06:58,460 --> 00:07:01,213
All right, Eric.
You can c-c-c-count on us.
00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:02,589
Timmy!
00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:04,758
This shall be a day
for all to remember!
00:07:04,883 --> 00:07:07,136
Let us bravely charge
the fields of Azeroth!
00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:09,054
- From which --
- Hey, fellas!
00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:11,807
Boy, this is neato, huh?
00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:16,437
Butters, what the hell
are you doing?
00:07:16,562 --> 00:07:19,314
I got "World of Warcraft"
like you said.
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,233
You can't be the dwarf
character, Butters.
00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:22,317
I'm the dwarf.
00:07:22,443 --> 00:07:24,361
Well, there's only like
four races to choose from.
00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:25,362
So pick another one!
00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:26,822
I'm the dwarf,
you stupid asshole!
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:29,616
Log out, create a new character,
and log back in!
00:07:29,741 --> 00:07:31,410
I like
"Hello Kitty Island Adventure"
00:07:31,535 --> 00:07:32,661
a lot more than this stuff.
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,037
Come on!
Let's do this!
00:07:34,163 --> 00:07:36,665
Yeah. My mom says
I have to be in bed at 9:30.
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:39,001
Then let's move out!
00:07:53,515 --> 00:07:55,309
Look!
There he is!
00:07:55,434 --> 00:07:57,352
Everyone hold!
00:07:59,396 --> 00:08:00,481
He's targeting us!
00:08:00,606 --> 00:08:01,982
Prepare to charge!
00:08:02,107 --> 00:08:05,027
Scroll over him
with your mouse cursors...
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,446
and...right-click!
00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:12,242
What the...
00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:14,328
Oh, Jesus!
He summoned scorpions!
00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:24,379
Aah!
I'm burning!
00:08:24,505 --> 00:08:26,673
Oh, Jesus!
I'm burning!
00:08:26,798 --> 00:08:29,259
Rm!
Mrph rm!
00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:32,012
Kenny's down.
K-Kenny is down!
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:36,892
I'm gonna poop in my pants.
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:37,893
Ike, look out!
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:40,771
Aah! Kyle!
00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:45,108
All right, Clyde!
Hit him with your crossbow!
00:08:46,235 --> 00:08:47,903
Hit him now, Clyde!
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:49,321
Clyde?!
00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:50,697
Clyde!
00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:53,325
Clyde!
Clyde, you asshole!
00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:54,952
God damn it!
We lost Clyde!
00:08:57,913 --> 00:09:00,541
Hey, Stan,
can I play with you guys?
00:09:00,666 --> 00:09:01,375
Dad?
00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:03,210
Yeah.
I'm playing from the office.
00:09:03,335 --> 00:09:05,254
Dad, get off our TeamSpeak line!
00:09:07,506 --> 00:09:08,590
That's it.
I'm dead.
00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:12,844
That's it.
Screw this game.
00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:14,429
No!
Leave me alone!
00:09:14,555 --> 00:09:16,765
Don't -- Aah!
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,646
God damn it!
00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:28,777
Oh, Jesus.
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:30,529
Oh, God, no.
00:09:30,654 --> 00:09:32,114
What?
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:35,158
He's just finished killing
every single player
00:09:35,284 --> 00:09:36,827
in the Arathi Highlands.
00:09:36,952 --> 00:09:38,787
How many people's characters
were in there?
00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,330
Over 5,000.
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:43,834
There are over 7 million people
00:09:43,959 --> 00:09:45,544
who log on
to "World of Warcraft."
00:09:45,669 --> 00:09:47,588
Are you telling me
all those people's characters
00:09:47,713 --> 00:09:48,672
are going to die
00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:51,008
and there's nothing we can do
to save them?!
00:09:51,133 --> 00:09:53,427
Yes, and it won't be long
00:09:53,552 --> 00:09:55,262
before everyone gets really,
really frustrated
00:09:55,387 --> 00:09:57,097
and stops playing altogether.
00:09:57,222 --> 00:10:00,767
Gentlemen, this could very well
lead to the end
00:10:00,892 --> 00:10:04,062
of the World...of Warcraft.
00:10:04,187 --> 00:10:05,272
No!
00:10:05,397 --> 00:10:08,108
N-o-o-o!
00:10:15,324 --> 00:10:17,284
What the hell
are you guys doing?
00:10:17,409 --> 00:10:19,870
Don't tell me you all quit
playing "World of Warcraft" too!
00:10:19,995 --> 00:10:20,871
Dude, we're done.
00:10:20,996 --> 00:10:22,456
We're sick of getting killed
all the time.
00:10:22,581 --> 00:10:24,124
Guys, when things look bad,
00:10:24,249 --> 00:10:26,752
you can't just give up
on the World...of Warcraft.
00:10:26,877 --> 00:10:28,128
We don't have a choice, dude.
00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,380
That guy killed our characters
14 times!
00:10:30,505 --> 00:10:32,007
I have a solution, you guys.
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:33,383
That guy can kill us so easily
00:10:33,508 --> 00:10:35,135
because he's a super-high level,
right?
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:37,137
But if we were
super-high level, too...
00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:38,764
We can't get to a higher level
00:10:38,889 --> 00:10:41,099
because that dude doesn't
let us finish quests!
00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:42,851
That's why we need to
just log in
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:45,187
and stay in the forest,
killing boars.
00:10:45,771 --> 00:10:46,438
Boars?
00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:48,231
There's lots of computer-
generated boars in Warcraft
00:10:48,357 --> 00:10:49,566
that die with just one blow.
00:10:49,691 --> 00:10:52,027
Dude, boars are only worth
2 experience points apiece.
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,403
Do you know how many
we would have to kill
00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:54,446
to get up 30 levels?
00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:56,281
Yes.
00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:59,618
65,340,285,
00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:01,161
which should take us
seven weeks, five days,
00:11:01,286 --> 00:11:02,579
13 hours, and 20 minutes,
00:11:02,704 --> 00:11:04,164
giving ourselves
three hours a night to sleep.
00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:05,666
What do you say, guys?
00:11:05,791 --> 00:11:07,751
You can just -- You can just
hang outside in the sun all day
00:11:07,876 --> 00:11:09,169
tossing a ball around,
00:11:09,294 --> 00:11:11,713
or you can sit at your computer
and do something that matters.
00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:25,977
♪ Live to win ♪
00:11:26,103 --> 00:11:27,729
♪ Till you die ♪
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:31,149
♪ Till the light dies
in your eye ♪
00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:33,402
♪ Live to win ♪
00:11:33,527 --> 00:11:35,404
♪ Take it all ♪
00:11:35,529 --> 00:11:39,241
♪ Just keep fighting
till you fall ♪
00:11:39,950 --> 00:11:43,745
♪ Day by day,
kickin' all the way ♪
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:46,832
♪ I'm not cavin' in ♪
00:11:46,957 --> 00:11:50,210
♪ Let another round begin ♪
00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:52,045
♪ Live to win ♪
00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:54,297
♪ Yeah ♪
00:11:54,423 --> 00:11:55,841
♪ Live ♪
00:11:55,966 --> 00:11:57,676
♪ Yeah ♪
00:11:57,801 --> 00:11:59,886
♪ Win ♪
00:12:00,011 --> 00:12:01,722
Sir, you'd better have a look
at this.
00:12:01,847 --> 00:12:03,473
Four of our subscribers --
00:12:03,598 --> 00:12:06,435
They've gone up 50 levels
in three weeks!
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:07,728
My God.
00:12:07,853 --> 00:12:09,855
They must have no lives at all.
00:12:09,980 --> 00:12:11,189
A hope?
00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:12,357
A chance.
00:12:12,941 --> 00:12:14,985
♪ Live to win ♪
00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:17,028
♪ Till you die ♪
00:12:17,154 --> 00:12:20,532
♪ Till the light dies
in your eye ♪
00:12:20,657 --> 00:12:22,784
Dude, my mouse-clicking finger
hurts.
00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:24,244
Keep clicking, Kyle.
You can do it!
00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:29,291
♪ Just keep fighting
till you fall ♪
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:32,294
♪ Day by day,
kickin' all the way ♪
00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:35,964
♪ I'm not cavin' in ♪
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:39,259
♪ Let another round begin ♪
00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:42,095
♪ Live to win ♪
00:12:45,223 --> 00:12:46,266
♪ Yeah ♪
00:12:46,391 --> 00:12:48,685
♪ Live ♪
00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:50,645
♪ Yeah ♪
00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:53,148
♪ Win ♪
00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:59,654
The admins tell us
they are four players
00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:01,823
from a small town in Colorado.
00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:04,993
Are they strong enough
to defeat the evil one?
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:06,077
We ran the numbers.
00:13:06,203 --> 00:13:08,038
Even with their amazing rise
in levels,
00:13:08,163 --> 00:13:10,707
they have a 90%
mortality probability.
00:13:10,832 --> 00:13:12,417
They'd be walking
into a slaughter.
00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:15,420
There has to be some way
we can help them.
00:13:16,087 --> 00:13:21,343
What about...
the Sword of A Thousand Truths?
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,762
Quiet, Thomas! We aren't
to even speak of that sword!
00:13:23,887 --> 00:13:25,222
But maybe these new players
00:13:25,347 --> 00:13:27,265
are the ones
the prophecy foretold of!
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:28,350
It is not an option!
00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:30,101
What is this sword?
00:13:30,227 --> 00:13:33,146
Long ago, when the
World of Warcraft was created,
00:13:33,271 --> 00:13:35,106
one of the programmers
put a sword
00:13:35,232 --> 00:13:36,942
called the Sword
of A Thousand Truths
00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:38,401
into the game inventory.
00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:41,446
Apparently it could cause
120 damage per second
00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:43,615
with an instant manna burn
and an enchantment
00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:45,700
that boosted stamina plus-80.
00:13:45,826 --> 00:13:48,328
But the sword was considered
to be too powerful
00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:49,830
for anyone to possess.
00:13:49,955 --> 00:13:51,790
So it was removed from the game
00:13:51,915 --> 00:13:54,584
and stored
on a one-gig flash drive.
00:13:54,709 --> 00:13:56,795
But it was foretold that one day
00:13:56,920 --> 00:14:00,257
players who could wield the
sword might reveal themselves.
00:14:00,382 --> 00:14:02,175
Who foretold this prophecy?
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:05,011
Saltzman.
He's in accounting.
00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:21,152
Behold.
The Sword of A Thousand Truths.
00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:24,114
We must get this sword
00:14:24,239 --> 00:14:26,741
to the ones who have proven
they have no life.
00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:29,202
Let's just hope to Christ
they don't start the battle
00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:31,246
before we can reach them.
00:14:31,830 --> 00:14:34,624
All right, you guys.
The moment of truth is here.
00:14:34,749 --> 00:14:36,585
It is time for our final battle.
00:14:36,710 --> 00:14:37,961
Everyone, log in!
00:14:38,670 --> 00:14:39,880
I'm in.
00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:41,089
Me too.
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:42,549
Mrph rmh.
00:14:42,674 --> 00:14:44,509
Everyone equip healing potions
to the hotbar
00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:46,177
if you haven't already.
00:14:46,303 --> 00:14:48,013
Uh, Kyle go ahead and cast
arcane brilliance
00:14:48,138 --> 00:14:49,514
to raise our intelligence.
00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:51,933
Hang on. I'm chaining
my fire spells for max range.
00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:53,059
Nice.
00:14:53,184 --> 00:14:55,562
Stan, what enchantment does
your Cloak of the Tiger have?
00:14:55,687 --> 00:14:57,188
Plus-15 agility.
00:14:57,314 --> 00:14:58,231
Give the cloak to Kenny.
00:14:58,356 --> 00:15:00,233
He needs the agility boost
for bow attacks.
00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:01,151
'Kay.
00:15:01,276 --> 00:15:03,528
Hold on. This fight could last
more than 12 hours.
00:15:03,653 --> 00:15:04,779
What if we run out of food?
00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:06,781
Don't worry.
I have that covered.
00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:08,742
- Mom?
- Yes, hon?
00:15:08,867 --> 00:15:10,160
More Hot Pockets.
00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:11,328
Right away, hon.
00:15:11,453 --> 00:15:12,913
That's uber-cool.
00:15:13,038 --> 00:15:14,497
All right.
Everyone ready?
00:15:14,623 --> 00:15:15,749
- Ready.
- Ready.
00:15:15,874 --> 00:15:17,125
Let's go get him!
00:15:26,009 --> 00:15:27,469
Wait.
I think I see him.
00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:29,179
Yeah. Yeah.
He's here in Goldshire.
00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:32,474
Okay, everyone open your F-list
and auto-locate to Stan.
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:34,559
What's the auto-locate macro?
00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:37,103
Command-zero.
00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:39,397
Okay.
Right behind Stan.
00:15:39,522 --> 00:15:41,733
Kenny, get ready
to turn on trueshot aura.
00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:44,194
At that moment,
I will use intimidating shout.
00:15:44,319 --> 00:15:46,029
Okay.
He sees us.
00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:50,325
He's targeted us.
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,494
Okay.
Hit him with pyroblast, Kyle.
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:53,495
Casting.
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:55,330
There's an eight-second
cast time.
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:57,290
Aren't you spec'd
to reduce cast time?
00:15:57,415 --> 00:15:59,250
No.
I'm an arcane fire mage.
00:15:59,376 --> 00:16:00,418
Christ.
00:16:00,543 --> 00:16:02,003
He cast summon again.
00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:03,672
Everyone target the scorpions.
00:16:26,277 --> 00:16:26,987
Yes?
00:16:27,112 --> 00:16:28,989
We are looking for
a great knight
00:16:29,114 --> 00:16:31,282
by the name of luvs2spooge.
00:16:31,408 --> 00:16:34,369
That's my son's character's name
in Warcraft.
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:35,245
Where is he?!
00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:36,663
Who are you?
00:16:36,788 --> 00:16:38,164
Sir, we don't have time!
00:16:38,289 --> 00:16:39,624
We just heard from our admins
00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:41,835
that your son's party
is already in battle!
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:43,545
Unless they have this sword,
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:45,797
your son's character
is going to die.
00:16:48,091 --> 00:16:49,592
Oh, my God.
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:56,182
Kyle, fire spell!
00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:58,727
Ha! Aah!
Aah!
00:16:58,852 --> 00:16:59,644
Kyle?
00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:01,396
Aah!
Aah!
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:02,981
Kyle!
Dude, what's wrong?
00:17:03,106 --> 00:17:04,691
Carpal tunnel!
Carpal tunnel!
00:17:04,816 --> 00:17:05,984
It's -- Aah!
00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:07,485
Oh, Jesus!
He's got it bad!
00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:10,030
Quick!
We need Ben Gay!
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,244
Hurry, dude!
00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:17,912
I'm going as fast as I can!
00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:19,456
Kyle, you have to keep playing.
00:17:19,581 --> 00:17:21,207
I can't.
Just leave me behind.
00:17:21,332 --> 00:17:23,501
We can't do this without you!
Now come on!
00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:26,212
Stan, Stan!
00:17:26,337 --> 00:17:27,881
Sharon, where's Stan?
00:17:28,006 --> 00:17:28,798
I don't know.
00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:31,885
He took his computer somewhere
to play that stupid online game.
00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:33,219
Stupid?
00:17:33,344 --> 00:17:35,555
- Where?!
- I don't know!
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:38,558
Sharon, his character is going
to die if we don't get to him!
00:17:38,683 --> 00:17:39,642
So what?
00:17:39,768 --> 00:17:41,770
- So what?!
- So what?!
00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:43,229
We're too late.
00:17:43,354 --> 00:17:44,981
Without the sword,
the players will fail.
00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:46,566
If we could get to a computer,
00:17:46,691 --> 00:17:48,234
we could sign on
to the World of Warcraft
00:17:48,359 --> 00:17:50,528
and give the boys the sword
online.
00:17:50,653 --> 00:17:52,197
I don't have
a "World of Warcraft" account.
00:17:52,322 --> 00:17:55,200
- Do you?
- No. I have a life.
00:17:55,325 --> 00:17:56,868
Give me the sword.
00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:59,496
- You?
- I have a Warcraft character.
00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:02,457
I'm a newb, but I can log on and
get the sword to Stan online.
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:05,627
We can't trust the Sword
of A Thousand Truths to a newb!
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,504
Sounds to me like
we don't have a choice.
00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:09,089
Give me the sword.
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:15,637
Ahh.
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:18,473
Come on. We've got to get
to a computer that works!
00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:22,102
- Where's your car?!
- We took a cab here!
00:18:22,227 --> 00:18:23,603
Damn it!
Mine's in the shop!
00:18:23,728 --> 00:18:25,146
Hey! Help! Stop!
00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:26,940
Please!
It's an emergency!
00:18:29,984 --> 00:18:31,069
Come on!
00:18:33,196 --> 00:18:36,699
Nelson! Nelson, I need to come
over and use your computer!
00:18:36,825 --> 00:18:38,868
No, I need to play
"World of Warcraft"!
00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:40,203
Nelson?!
00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:49,462
All right. Major stone shield
potions should be --
00:18:49,587 --> 00:18:51,923
Oh, God.
I'm gonna have diarrhea again.
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,511
You can't go to the bathroom.
You're stacking sunder armor.
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:57,637
It's okay.
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,181
Mom, bathroom!
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:02,142
- What, hon?
- Bathroom!
00:19:02,267 --> 00:19:03,268
Bathroom!
00:19:08,940 --> 00:19:11,526
Oh!
That's a big boy, isn't he?
00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:12,986
All right, Kenny.
00:19:13,111 --> 00:19:14,487
Drink your elixir
of the mongoose.
00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:16,990
I am now going to use
mocking blow.
00:19:20,994 --> 00:19:23,163
"World of Warcraft"!
I need to play!
00:19:23,288 --> 00:19:25,331
Our demo is set up
right over by the --
00:19:29,043 --> 00:19:30,587
Got to sign in.
00:19:30,712 --> 00:19:32,881
Character name.
All right! I'm in!
00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:34,841
Dude, I'm almost dead.
00:19:34,966 --> 00:19:36,426
Kyle, cast arcane missiles!
00:19:36,551 --> 00:19:38,178
I'm out of manna.
I told you!
00:19:38,303 --> 00:19:40,680
I've got to heal!
00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:42,974
Stan!
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:45,685
Dad?
Not now!
00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:49,981
Stan, I've been sent here...
to bring you this.
00:19:50,106 --> 00:19:52,692
This sword can completely drain
his manna!
00:19:52,817 --> 00:19:54,027
Dad, how did you get that?
00:19:54,152 --> 00:19:55,862
No time!
Just take it!
00:19:55,987 --> 00:19:57,238
Here!
00:20:00,575 --> 00:20:02,994
How -- How do you hand something
from one player to another?
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:05,705
Bring up your inventory screen.
Control-I!
00:20:05,830 --> 00:20:06,539
Okay.
00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:09,209
Stan, what the hell
are you doing?!
00:20:09,792 --> 00:20:11,878
- I got it!
- Aah!
00:20:12,003 --> 00:20:12,795
Dad!
00:20:12,921 --> 00:20:14,380
Stan!
00:20:14,505 --> 00:20:15,548
Dad, no!
00:20:17,508 --> 00:20:20,094
You killed my father.
00:20:21,054 --> 00:20:21,971
Aah!
00:20:24,182 --> 00:20:25,850
His shield and armor spells
are down!
00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:27,769
Attack!
00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:30,939
Aah!
00:20:35,818 --> 00:20:38,446
Looks like you're
about to get pwned.
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:41,032
Yaah!
00:20:47,247 --> 00:20:49,123
Dad?
Dad?
00:20:49,249 --> 00:20:51,042
Stan.
00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:54,629
I've never been able to say this
before, but...
00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:56,422
I love you, son.
00:20:56,547 --> 00:20:58,424
I know you do, Dad.
00:21:05,723 --> 00:21:07,058
They did it!
00:21:07,183 --> 00:21:09,269
Our world is saved!
00:21:10,812 --> 00:21:12,855
They did it!
They killed him!
00:21:12,981 --> 00:21:15,066
- They did it!
- They killed him!
00:21:15,191 --> 00:21:16,734
- We can come out!
- Come out!
00:21:16,859 --> 00:21:17,735
- Yes!
- Mrph rm!
00:21:17,860 --> 00:21:19,362
- All right!
- Yeah!
00:21:19,487 --> 00:21:20,405
- All right.
- Yeah.
00:21:20,530 --> 00:21:21,864
- Yeah.
- Mrph rm.
00:21:21,990 --> 00:21:24,951
We did it, you guys.
We're totally heroes.
00:21:25,076 --> 00:21:26,786
That was such uber-pwnage.
00:21:26,911 --> 00:21:28,955
I can't believe it's all over.
00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:30,957
What do we do now?
00:21:32,292 --> 00:21:33,793
What do you mean?
00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:35,503
Now we can finally play
the game.
00:21:35,628 --> 00:21:36,462
Oh, yeah.
00:21:36,587 --> 00:21:37,755
Okay, Kenny.
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:40,091
Add eyes of the beast
to your hotbar.
00:21:40,216 --> 00:21:43,303
Stan, check your fury talents
to boost your shouts.
00:21:43,428 --> 00:21:44,804
Got it.
eng__SDH.srt
eng__SDH.srt
00:00:12,096 --> 00:00:13,681
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:13,806 --> 00:00:15,349
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
00:00:15,474 --> 00:00:18,561
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,271
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,396 --> 00:00:21,605
♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
00:00:21,731 --> 00:00:25,151
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:25,276 --> 00:00:28,112
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
00:00:28,237 --> 00:00:32,950
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
00:00:33,909 --> 00:00:36,954
[ Dramatic music plays ]
00:00:40,416 --> 00:00:44,170
CARTMAN: Oh, dude.
I just took the biggest crap!
00:00:44,295 --> 00:00:45,838
Hey, where are you guys?
00:00:45,963 --> 00:00:48,215
STAN:
We're over here by the cart!
00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:50,593
Okay.
I'm back.
00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:52,720
Dude, we've been waiting
forever!
00:00:52,845 --> 00:00:54,889
Well, I'm sorry.
I had to take a dump!
00:00:55,014 --> 00:00:56,182
KYLE:
If you didn't eat so much,
00:00:56,307 --> 00:00:58,184
you wouldn't have diarrhea
all the time, fat-ass.
00:00:58,309 --> 00:01:00,770
Hey, I don't need to take
any lip from a frickin' girl!
00:01:00,895 --> 00:01:02,438
KYLE:
Mrph rmhmhm rm rmph.
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,440
- [ Laughs ]
- [ Chuckles ] Totally!
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:07,068
Come on. We have to finish
the quest in Stonehaven.
00:01:07,193 --> 00:01:09,695
STAN'S DAD:
Stan? Stan?
00:01:09,820 --> 00:01:11,363
Hang on, guys.
My dad wants something.
00:01:11,489 --> 00:01:14,033
- Stan!
- What?!
00:01:14,158 --> 00:01:16,160
You've been on your computer
all weekend.
00:01:16,285 --> 00:01:18,537
Shouldn't you go out
and socialize with your friends?
00:01:18,662 --> 00:01:20,372
I am socializing, r-tard.
00:01:20,498 --> 00:01:23,417
I'm logged on to an MMORPG with
people from all over the world
00:01:23,542 --> 00:01:26,253
and getting XP with my party
using TeamSpeak.
00:01:28,881 --> 00:01:30,758
I'm not an r-tard.
00:01:31,884 --> 00:01:33,886
All right.
Sorry, guys.
00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:34,929
So, where to now?
00:01:35,054 --> 00:01:36,722
KYLE:
See where I am? It's this way.
00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:38,015
CARTMAN:
Yeah. Come on. Let's go.
00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:39,850
Right-click on me to follow.
00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:43,687
I am the mightiest dwarf
in all of Azeroth!
00:01:43,813 --> 00:01:45,898
Wow! Look at all these people
playing right now!
00:01:46,023 --> 00:01:47,024
Yeah.
It's bullcrap.
00:01:47,149 --> 00:01:49,360
I'll bet half of these people
are Koreans.
00:01:49,485 --> 00:01:51,862
Oh, crap!
It's that guy again!
00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:54,657
Who is this?
00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:56,367
STAN: This is the guy
that kept killing us last night
00:01:56,492 --> 00:01:57,701
after you went to bed!
00:01:57,827 --> 00:01:59,537
CARTMAN:
Get out of here, asshole!
00:01:59,662 --> 00:02:01,205
He's a way higher level than us.
It isn't fair.
00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:02,289
KYLE:
It's all right.
00:02:02,414 --> 00:02:04,250
He can't kill us
unless we agree to duel.
00:02:04,917 --> 00:02:07,336
[ Groans ]
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:09,672
Oh, my God!
He killed Kenny!
00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:11,215
You bastard!
00:02:11,340 --> 00:02:12,258
[ Grunts ]
00:02:12,383 --> 00:02:13,717
[ Groans ]
00:02:13,843 --> 00:02:15,886
[ Grunts ]
00:02:16,011 --> 00:02:17,596
Don't you
have better things to do
00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:19,140
than going online
killing people?!
00:02:20,683 --> 00:02:23,727
No! I don't want to have to
start over at the graveyard! No!
00:02:23,853 --> 00:02:25,229
[ Groans ]
00:02:27,106 --> 00:02:28,691
That son of a bitch!
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,109
Who is that guy?
00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:34,155
Whoever he is,
he is one tough badass.
00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:37,158
[ Dramatic music playing ]
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:41,745
[ Telephone ringing ]
00:02:41,871 --> 00:02:43,455
"World of Warcraft"
support line.
00:02:43,581 --> 00:02:45,541
Yeah. We bought your game
and play it online.
00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:46,625
But every time we log in,
00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:48,127
some other player comes in
and kills us.
00:02:48,252 --> 00:02:50,171
Oh.
That shouldn't happen.
00:02:50,296 --> 00:02:52,423
We designed the game so that
players have to agree to a duel
00:02:52,548 --> 00:02:53,757
before they can kill each other.
00:02:53,883 --> 00:02:55,259
Yeah. Well, this guy
does it anyways!
00:02:55,384 --> 00:02:56,594
He's a goddamn butthole!
00:02:56,719 --> 00:02:58,137
Really?
That's odd.
00:02:58,262 --> 00:03:00,764
More people calling in about
their characters getting killed.
00:03:00,890 --> 00:03:01,765
Oh, no.
00:03:01,891 --> 00:03:04,101
Well, we'll certainly keep
a lookout for that player
00:03:04,226 --> 00:03:05,728
and ban him from the network.
00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:07,605
Better tell the guys upstairs.
00:03:08,981 --> 00:03:11,734
Fellow board members,
we have a problem.
00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:13,611
Somebody in
the World of Warcraft
00:03:13,736 --> 00:03:16,238
is ignoring the world's rules
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:19,700
and is going around
killing innocent players.
00:03:19,825 --> 00:03:22,328
- [ Dramatic music plays ]
- Why kill innocent players?
00:03:22,453 --> 00:03:24,997
The game is about
finishing quests.
00:03:25,122 --> 00:03:27,249
We've got to delete him
from the servers.
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:28,375
We can't.
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:29,668
Whoever this player is,
00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:32,004
he's played "World of Warcraft"
so much
00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:35,174
that he has reached a level
we thought unreachable.
00:03:35,299 --> 00:03:37,927
He is actually able to kill
our admins,
00:03:38,052 --> 00:03:40,179
and he grows stronger every day.
00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:41,889
Jesus.
00:03:42,014 --> 00:03:43,432
I've got to get home!
00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:46,101
My kids are playing
"World of Warcraft" right now!
00:03:46,227 --> 00:03:50,189
Jim, your kids' characters
are already dead.
00:03:50,856 --> 00:03:52,274
No.
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,068
No.
00:03:54,193 --> 00:03:57,279
They just started playing!
00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:59,698
What kind of person
would do this?
00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:01,492
Only one kind.
00:04:01,617 --> 00:04:04,286
Whoever this person is, he has
played "World of Warcraft"
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:08,540
nearly every hour of every day
for the past year and a half.
00:04:08,666 --> 00:04:12,711
Gentlemen, we are dealing with
someone here who...
00:04:12,836 --> 00:04:15,005
has absolutely no life.
00:04:15,130 --> 00:04:17,049
[ Dramatic music plays ]
00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:20,302
How do you kill
that which has no life?
00:04:25,891 --> 00:04:28,269
Randy, you working on
that sediment analysis?
00:04:28,394 --> 00:04:29,311
Not now, Nelson.
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:31,063
I just joined a big party
of night elves,
00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:33,857
and we're gonna explore
the Tower of Azora together.
00:04:33,983 --> 00:04:35,359
Is that a computer game?
00:04:35,484 --> 00:04:37,987
No, r-tard.
It's an MMORPG.
00:04:38,112 --> 00:04:39,530
These are real people
I'm playing with.
00:04:39,655 --> 00:04:42,032
See?
I'm a hunter, level 2.
00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:43,659
I can chat
with all these other people.
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,494
I can even wave to this guy.
See?
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:46,704
Hello!
00:04:46,829 --> 00:04:49,832
In the outside world,
I'm a simple geologist.
00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:51,375
But in here...
00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:54,670
I am Falcorn,
defender of the alliance.
00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,547
I have braved
the Fargodeep Mine,
00:04:56,672 --> 00:04:58,299
defeated the bloodfish
at Jerod's Landing --
00:04:58,424 --> 00:05:00,467
[ Groans, sighs ]
00:05:02,386 --> 00:05:06,598
Hm. Looks like that guy
just killed you.
00:05:07,099 --> 00:05:08,225
What?!
00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:09,601
Why?
00:05:09,727 --> 00:05:10,644
Why?!
00:05:11,312 --> 00:05:13,772
My friends, as you all know,
00:05:13,897 --> 00:05:15,941
some giant butthole keeps
logging on to Warcraft
00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:17,526
and killing all our characters.
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,486
The past four nights
we've tried to play,
00:05:19,611 --> 00:05:20,738
he shows up and kills us.
00:05:20,863 --> 00:05:23,282
He killed my character
right in the middle of a quest!
00:05:23,407 --> 00:05:24,575
Mine too!
00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:26,785
We've learned that the four
of us can't fight him alone.
00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:30,622
But if we all log in together,
we might have a chance.
00:05:30,748 --> 00:05:31,832
Hey! Yeah!
00:05:31,957 --> 00:05:34,501
We can really stick it
to that ass m-munch.
00:05:34,626 --> 00:05:35,544
Are you guys dumb?
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,338
We can't beat him,
even with all of us.
00:05:37,463 --> 00:05:39,381
- It's a waste of time.
- Dude, we have to try.
00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:41,300
I've got better things to do.
00:05:41,425 --> 00:05:42,509
Clyde! Clyde!
00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:44,678
If you had a chance right now
to go back in time
00:05:44,803 --> 00:05:47,431
and stop Hitler,
wouldn't you do it?
00:05:47,556 --> 00:05:49,224
I mean,
I personally wouldn't stop him
00:05:49,350 --> 00:05:51,268
because I think he was awesome,
but you would, right?
00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:53,145
I'm just gonna stop playing.
00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:55,105
When Hitler rose to power,
there were a lot of people
00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:56,732
who just stopped playing.
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:59,151
You know who those people were?
The French.
00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:00,361
Are you French, Clyde?
00:06:00,486 --> 00:06:01,487
No.
00:06:01,612 --> 00:06:03,781
Voulez-vous coucher
avec moi, Clyde?
00:06:03,906 --> 00:06:05,699
All right! All right!
I'll do it!
00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:06,909
So what's the p-plan?
00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:07,910
All right,
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:10,496
Log in tonight from your
computers at precisely 7:30.
00:06:10,621 --> 00:06:11,497
We will meet here,
00:06:11,622 --> 00:06:13,248
on the plains of the
Elwynn forest near Westfall.
00:06:13,374 --> 00:06:15,292
My friends, to victory!
00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:17,169
ALL:
To victory!
00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:19,713
I don't play
"World of Warcraft."
00:06:20,798 --> 00:06:22,883
Butters, you said you're
on your computer all the time.
00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:25,803
Yeah, but I'm playing
"Hello Kitty Island Adventure."
00:06:27,388 --> 00:06:29,640
Butters,
go buy "World of Warcraft,"
00:06:29,765 --> 00:06:32,017
install it on your computer,
and join the online sensation
00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:33,352
before we all murder you.
00:06:33,477 --> 00:06:36,939
Oh. Oh, all right.
All right, then.
00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:39,274
[ Dramatic music plays ]
00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:45,447
CARTMAN: All right, you guys!
This is it!
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:46,782
When the attack begins,
00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:48,826
all warriors click
on "defensive stance."
00:06:48,951 --> 00:06:51,870
Everyone else wait for Craig
to cast his intellect buff.
00:06:51,995 --> 00:06:53,372
- TOKEN: Okay!
- JASON: Got it.
00:06:53,497 --> 00:06:54,915
The battle is sure to be long,
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:57,000
so make sure you all have
your special abilities
00:06:57,126 --> 00:06:58,335
macroed to your keyboards.
00:06:58,460 --> 00:07:01,213
JIMMY: All right, Eric.
You can c-c-c-count on us.
00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:02,589
TIMMY:
Timmy!
00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:04,758
This shall be a day
for all to remember!
00:07:04,883 --> 00:07:07,136
Let us bravely charge
the fields of Azeroth!
00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:09,054
- From which --
- BUTTERS: Hey, fellas!
00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:11,807
Boy, this is neato, huh?
00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:14,059
[ Birds chirping ]
00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:16,437
Butters, what the hell
are you doing?
00:07:16,562 --> 00:07:19,314
I got "World of Warcraft"
like you said.
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,233
You can't be the dwarf
character, Butters.
00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:22,317
I'm the dwarf.
00:07:22,443 --> 00:07:24,361
Well, there's only like
four races to choose from.
00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:25,362
So pick another one!
00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:26,822
I'm the dwarf,
you stupid asshole!
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:29,616
Log out, create a new character,
and log back in!
00:07:29,741 --> 00:07:31,410
I like
"Hello Kitty Island Adventure"
00:07:31,535 --> 00:07:32,661
a lot more than this stuff.
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,037
Come on!
Let's do this!
00:07:34,163 --> 00:07:36,665
CRAIG: Yeah. My mom says
I have to be in bed at 9:30.
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:39,001
Then let's move out!
00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:40,836
[All shouting ]
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:44,047
[ Music continues ]
00:07:47,176 --> 00:07:48,886
[ Grunts ]
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:52,890
[All groaning ]
00:07:53,515 --> 00:07:55,309
Look!
There he is!
00:07:55,434 --> 00:07:57,352
Everyone hold!
00:07:59,396 --> 00:08:00,481
He's targeting us!
00:08:00,606 --> 00:08:01,982
Prepare to charge!
00:08:02,107 --> 00:08:05,027
Scroll over him
with your mouse cursors...
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,446
and...right-click!
00:08:07,571 --> 00:08:09,239
[All shouting ]
00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:12,242
What the...
00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:14,328
Oh, Jesus!
He summoned scorpions!
00:08:14,453 --> 00:08:17,206
[ Shouting in distance ]
00:08:17,331 --> 00:08:20,000
[All shouting, groaning ]
00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:24,379
Aah!
I'm burning!
00:08:24,505 --> 00:08:26,673
Oh, Jesus!
I'm burning!
00:08:26,798 --> 00:08:29,259
Rm!
Mrph rm!
00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:32,012
Kenny's down.
K-Kenny is down!
00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:33,889
TWEEK:
[ Screaming ]
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:36,892
IKE:
I'm gonna poop in my pants.
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:37,893
Ike, look out!
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:40,771
- [ Grunts ]
- Aah! Kyle!
00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:45,108
All right, Clyde!
Hit him with your crossbow!
00:08:46,235 --> 00:08:47,903
Hit him now, Clyde!
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:49,321
Clyde?!
00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:50,697
Clyde!
00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:53,325
Clyde!
Clyde, you asshole!
00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:54,952
God damn it!
We lost Clyde!
00:08:57,913 --> 00:09:00,541
Hey, Stan,
can I play with you guys?
00:09:00,666 --> 00:09:01,375
Dad?
00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:03,210
Yeah.
I'm playing from the office.
00:09:03,335 --> 00:09:05,254
Dad, get off our TeamSpeak line!
00:09:05,379 --> 00:09:07,381
[ Groans ]
00:09:07,506 --> 00:09:08,590
That's it.
I'm dead.
00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:10,676
[ Grunts ]
00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:12,844
That's it.
Screw this game.
00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:14,429
No!
Leave me alone!
00:09:14,555 --> 00:09:16,765
Don't -- Aah!
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,646
God [bleep] damn it!
00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:23,981
[ Down-tempo music playing ]
00:09:24,106 --> 00:09:26,108
[ Farts ]
00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:28,777
Oh, Jesus.
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:30,529
- Oh, God, no.
- [ Keys clicking ]
00:09:30,654 --> 00:09:32,114
What?
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:35,158
He's just finished killing
every single player
00:09:35,284 --> 00:09:36,827
in the Arathi Highlands.
00:09:36,952 --> 00:09:38,787
How many people's characters
were in there?
00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,330
Over 5,000.
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:43,834
There are over 7 million people
00:09:43,959 --> 00:09:45,544
who log on
to "World of Warcraft."
00:09:45,669 --> 00:09:47,588
Are you telling me
all those people's characters
00:09:47,713 --> 00:09:48,672
are going to die
00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:51,008
and there's nothing we can do
to save them?!
00:09:51,133 --> 00:09:53,427
Yes, and it won't be long
00:09:53,552 --> 00:09:55,262
before everyone gets really,
really frustrated
00:09:55,387 --> 00:09:57,097
and stops playing altogether.
00:09:57,222 --> 00:10:00,767
Gentlemen, this could very well
lead to the end
00:10:00,892 --> 00:10:04,062
of the World...of Warcraft.
00:10:04,187 --> 00:10:05,272
No!
00:10:05,397 --> 00:10:08,108
N-o-o-o!
00:10:15,324 --> 00:10:17,284
What the hell
are you guys doing?
00:10:17,409 --> 00:10:19,870
Don't tell me you all quit
playing "World of Warcraft" too!
00:10:19,995 --> 00:10:20,871
Dude, we're done.
00:10:20,996 --> 00:10:22,456
We're sick of getting killed
all the time.
00:10:22,581 --> 00:10:24,124
Guys, when things look bad,
00:10:24,249 --> 00:10:26,752
you can't just give up
on the World...of Warcraft.
00:10:26,877 --> 00:10:28,128
We don't have a choice, dude.
00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,380
That guy killed our characters
14 times!
00:10:30,505 --> 00:10:32,007
I have a solution, you guys.
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:33,383
That guy can kill us so easily
00:10:33,508 --> 00:10:35,135
because he's a super-high level,
right?
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:37,137
But if we were
super-high level, too...
00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:38,764
We can't get to a higher level
00:10:38,889 --> 00:10:41,099
because that dude doesn't
let us finish quests!
00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:42,851
That's why we need to
just log in
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:45,187
and stay in the forest,
killing boars.
00:10:45,771 --> 00:10:46,438
Boars?
00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:48,231
There's lots of computer-
generated boars in Warcraft
00:10:48,357 --> 00:10:49,566
that die with just one blow.
00:10:49,691 --> 00:10:52,027
Dude, boars are only worth
2 experience points apiece.
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,403
Do you know how many
we would have to kill
00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:54,446
to get up 30 levels?
00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:56,281
Yes.
00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:59,618
65,340,285,
00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:01,161
which should take us
seven weeks, five days,
00:11:01,286 --> 00:11:02,579
13 hours, and 20 minutes,
00:11:02,704 --> 00:11:04,164
giving ourselves
three hours a night to sleep.
00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:05,666
What do you say, guys?
00:11:05,791 --> 00:11:07,751
You can just -- You can just
hang outside in the sun all day
00:11:07,876 --> 00:11:09,169
tossing a ball around,
00:11:09,294 --> 00:11:11,713
or you can sit at your computer
and do something that matters.
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:15,092
[ Up-tempo rock music plays ]
00:11:20,138 --> 00:11:21,640
[ Boar shrieks ]
00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:25,977
MAN:
♪ Live to win ♪
00:11:26,103 --> 00:11:27,729
♪ Till you die ♪
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:31,149
♪ Till the light dies
in your eye ♪
00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:33,402
♪ Live to win ♪
00:11:33,527 --> 00:11:35,404
♪ Take it all ♪
00:11:35,529 --> 00:11:39,241
♪ Just keep fighting
till you fall ♪
00:11:39,950 --> 00:11:43,745
♪ Day by day,
kickin' all the way ♪
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:46,832
♪ I'm not cavin' in ♪
00:11:46,957 --> 00:11:50,210
♪ Let another round begin ♪
00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:52,045
♪ Live to win ♪
00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:54,297
♪ Yeah ♪
00:11:54,423 --> 00:11:55,841
♪ Live ♪
00:11:55,966 --> 00:11:57,676
♪ Yeah ♪
00:11:57,801 --> 00:11:59,886
♪ Win ♪
00:12:00,011 --> 00:12:01,722
Sir, you'd better have a look
at this.
00:12:01,847 --> 00:12:03,473
Four of our subscribers --
00:12:03,598 --> 00:12:06,435
They've gone up 50 levels
in three weeks!
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:07,728
My God.
00:12:07,853 --> 00:12:09,855
They must have no lives at all.
00:12:09,980 --> 00:12:11,189
A hope?
00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:12,357
A chance.
00:12:12,941 --> 00:12:14,985
♪ Live to win ♪
00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:17,028
♪ Till you die ♪
00:12:17,154 --> 00:12:20,532
♪ Till the light dies
in your eye ♪
00:12:20,657 --> 00:12:22,784
Dude, my mouse-clicking finger
hurts.
00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:24,244
Keep clicking, Kyle.
You can do it!
00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:29,291
♪ Just keep fighting
till you fall ♪
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:32,294
♪ Day by day,
kickin' all the way ♪
00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:35,964
♪ I'm not cavin' in ♪
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:39,259
♪ Let another round begin ♪
00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:42,095
♪ Live to win ♪
00:12:45,223 --> 00:12:46,266
♪ Yeah ♪
00:12:46,391 --> 00:12:48,685
♪ Live ♪
00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:50,645
♪ Yeah ♪
00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:53,148
♪ Win ♪
00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:59,654
The admins tell us
they are four players
00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:01,823
from a small town in Colorado.
00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:04,993
Are they strong enough
to defeat the evil one?
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:06,077
We ran the numbers.
00:13:06,203 --> 00:13:08,038
Even with their amazing rise
in levels,
00:13:08,163 --> 00:13:10,707
they have a 90%
mortality probability.
00:13:10,832 --> 00:13:12,417
They'd be walking
into a slaughter.
00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:15,420
There has to be some way
we can help them.
00:13:16,087 --> 00:13:21,343
What about...
the Sword of A Thousand Truths?
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,762
Quiet, Thomas! We aren't
to even speak of that sword!
00:13:23,887 --> 00:13:25,222
But maybe these new players
00:13:25,347 --> 00:13:27,265
are the ones
the prophecy foretold of!
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:28,350
It is not an option!
00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:30,101
What is this sword?
00:13:30,227 --> 00:13:33,146
Long ago, when the
World of Warcraft was created,
00:13:33,271 --> 00:13:35,106
one of the programmers
put a sword
00:13:35,232 --> 00:13:36,942
called the Sword
of A Thousand Truths
00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:38,401
into the game inventory.
00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:41,446
Apparently it could cause
120 damage per second
00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:43,615
with an instant manna burn
and an enchantment
00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:45,700
that boosted stamina plus-80.
00:13:45,826 --> 00:13:48,328
But the sword was considered
to be too powerful
00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:49,830
for anyone to possess.
00:13:49,955 --> 00:13:51,790
So it was removed from the game
00:13:51,915 --> 00:13:54,584
and stored
on a one-gig flash drive.
00:13:54,709 --> 00:13:56,795
But it was foretold that one day
00:13:56,920 --> 00:14:00,257
players who could wield the
sword might reveal themselves.
00:14:00,382 --> 00:14:02,175
Who foretold this prophecy?
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:05,011
Saltzman.
He's in accounting.
00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:21,152
Behold.
The Sword of A Thousand Truths.
00:14:21,278 --> 00:14:22,612
[ Dramatic music plays ]
00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:24,114
PRESIDENT:
We must get this sword
00:14:24,239 --> 00:14:26,741
to the ones who have proven
they have no life.
00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:29,202
Let's just hope to Christ
they don't start the battle
00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:31,246
before we can reach them.
00:14:31,830 --> 00:14:34,624
All right, you guys.
The moment of truth is here.
00:14:34,749 --> 00:14:36,585
It is time for our final battle.
00:14:36,710 --> 00:14:37,961
Everyone, log in!
00:14:38,670 --> 00:14:39,880
I'm in.
00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:41,089
Me too.
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:42,549
Mrph rmh.
00:14:42,674 --> 00:14:44,509
Everyone equip healing potions
to the hotbar
00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:46,177
if you haven't already.
00:14:46,303 --> 00:14:48,013
Uh, Kyle go ahead and cast
arcane brilliance
00:14:48,138 --> 00:14:49,514
to raise our intelligence.
00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:51,933
Hang on. I'm chaining
my fire spells for max range.
00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:53,059
Nice.
00:14:53,184 --> 00:14:55,562
Stan, what enchantment does
your Cloak of the Tiger have?
00:14:55,687 --> 00:14:57,188
Plus-15 agility.
00:14:57,314 --> 00:14:58,231
Give the cloak to Kenny.
00:14:58,356 --> 00:15:00,233
He needs the agility boost
for bow attacks.
00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:01,151
'Kay.
00:15:01,276 --> 00:15:03,528
Hold on. This fight could last
more than 12 hours.
00:15:03,653 --> 00:15:04,779
What if we run out of food?
00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:06,781
Don't worry.
I have that covered.
00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:08,742
- Mom?
- CARTMAN'S MOM: Yes, hon?
00:15:08,867 --> 00:15:10,160
More Hot Pockets.
00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:11,328
Right away, hon.
00:15:11,453 --> 00:15:12,913
That's uber-cool.
00:15:13,038 --> 00:15:14,497
All right.
Everyone ready?
00:15:14,623 --> 00:15:15,749
- Ready.
- KYLE: Ready.
00:15:15,874 --> 00:15:17,125
Let's go get him!
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:20,962
[ Dramatic music plays,
keys clicking ]
00:15:26,009 --> 00:15:27,469
Wait.
I think I see him.
00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:29,179
Yeah. Yeah.
He's here in Goldshire.
00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:32,474
Okay, everyone open your F-list
and auto-locate to Stan.
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:34,559
What's the auto-locate macro?
00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:37,103
Command-zero.
[ Sniffs ]
00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:39,397
Okay.
Right behind Stan.
00:15:39,522 --> 00:15:41,733
Kenny, get ready
to turn on trueshot aura.
00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:44,194
At that moment,
I will use intimidating shout.
00:15:44,319 --> 00:15:46,029
Okay.
He sees us.
00:15:46,154 --> 00:15:48,865
[ Music continues ]
00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:50,325
He's targeted us.
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,494
Okay.
Hit him with pyroblast, Kyle.
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:53,495
Casting.
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:55,330
There's an eight-second
cast time.
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:57,290
Aren't you spec'd
to reduce cast time?
00:15:57,415 --> 00:15:59,250
No.
I'm an arcane fire mage.
00:15:59,376 --> 00:16:00,418
Christ.
00:16:00,543 --> 00:16:02,003
He cast summon again.
00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:03,672
Everyone target the scorpions.
00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:06,049
[ Keys clicking ]
00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:12,764
[ Dramatic music plays ]
00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:15,308
[All grunting ]
00:16:24,192 --> 00:16:25,485
[ Knock on door ]
00:16:26,277 --> 00:16:26,987
Yes?
00:16:27,112 --> 00:16:28,989
We are looking for
a great knight
00:16:29,114 --> 00:16:31,282
by the name of luvs2spooge.
00:16:31,408 --> 00:16:34,369
That's my son's character's name
in Warcraft.
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:35,245
Where is he?!
00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:36,663
Who are you?
00:16:36,788 --> 00:16:38,164
Sir, we don't have time!
00:16:38,289 --> 00:16:39,624
We just heard from our admins
00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:41,835
that your son's party
is already in battle!
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:43,545
Unless they have this sword,
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:45,797
your son's character
is going to die.
00:16:45,922 --> 00:16:47,966
[ Insects chirping ]
00:16:48,091 --> 00:16:49,592
Oh, my God.
00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:51,553
[ Glass shatters ]
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:53,054
[ Dramatic music plays ]
00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:54,889
[ Grunts ]
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:56,182
Kyle, fire spell!
00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:58,727
Ha! Aah!
Aah!
00:16:58,852 --> 00:16:59,644
Kyle?
00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:01,396
Aah!
Aah!
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:02,981
Kyle!
Dude, what's wrong?
00:17:03,106 --> 00:17:04,691
Carpal tunnel!
Carpal tunnel!
00:17:04,816 --> 00:17:05,984
It's -- Aah!
00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:07,485
Oh, Jesus!
He's got it bad!
00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:10,030
Quick!
We need Ben Gay!
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,244
Hurry, dude!
00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:17,912
I'm going as fast as I can!
00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:19,456
Kyle, you have to keep playing.
00:17:19,581 --> 00:17:21,207
I can't.
Just leave me behind.
00:17:21,332 --> 00:17:23,501
We can't do this without you!
Now come on!
00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:26,212
Stan, Stan!
00:17:26,337 --> 00:17:27,881
Sharon, where's Stan?
00:17:28,006 --> 00:17:28,798
I don't know.
00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:31,885
He took his computer somewhere
to play that stupid online game.
00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:33,219
Stupid?
00:17:33,344 --> 00:17:35,555
- Where?!
- I don't know!
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:38,558
Sharon, his character is going
to die if we don't get to him!
00:17:38,683 --> 00:17:39,642
So what?
00:17:39,768 --> 00:17:41,770
- So what?!
- So what?!
00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:43,229
We're too late.
00:17:43,354 --> 00:17:44,981
Without the sword,
the players will fail.
00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:46,566
If we could get to a computer,
00:17:46,691 --> 00:17:48,234
we could sign on
to the World of Warcraft
00:17:48,359 --> 00:17:50,528
and give the boys the sword
online.
00:17:50,653 --> 00:17:52,197
I don't have
a "World of Warcraft" account.
00:17:52,322 --> 00:17:55,200
- Do you?
- No. I have a life.
00:17:55,325 --> 00:17:56,868
Give me the sword.
00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:59,496
- You?
- I have a Warcraft character.
00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:02,457
I'm a newb, but I can log on and
get the sword to Stan online.
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:05,627
We can't trust the Sword
of A Thousand Truths to a newb!
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,504
Sounds to me like
we don't have a choice.
00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:09,089
Give me the sword.
00:18:09,214 --> 00:18:11,800
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:15,637
Ahh.
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:18,473
Come on. We've got to get
to a computer that works!
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:19,766
[ Up-tempo music plays ]
00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:22,102
- Where's your car?!
- We took a cab here!
00:18:22,227 --> 00:18:23,603
Damn it!
Mine's in the shop!
00:18:23,728 --> 00:18:25,146
Hey! Help! Stop!
00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:26,940
Please!
It's an emergency!
00:18:27,065 --> 00:18:28,858
[ Tires screech ]
00:18:28,983 --> 00:18:29,859
[ Grunts ]
00:18:29,984 --> 00:18:31,069
Come on!
00:18:31,194 --> 00:18:33,071
[ Engine revs, tires squeal ]
00:18:33,196 --> 00:18:36,699
Nelson! Nelson, I need to come
over and use your computer!
00:18:36,825 --> 00:18:38,868
No, I need to play
"World of Warcraft"!
00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:40,203
Nelson?!
00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:49,462
All right. Major stone shield
potions should be --
00:18:49,587 --> 00:18:51,923
Oh, God.
I'm gonna have diarrhea again.
00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:53,675
[ Groans ]
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,511
You can't go to the bathroom.
You're stacking sunder armor.
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:57,637
It's okay.
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,181
Mom, bathroom!
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:02,142
- CARTMAN'S MOM: What, hon?
- Bathroom!
00:19:02,267 --> 00:19:03,268
Bathroom!
00:19:07,730 --> 00:19:08,815
[ Farting ]
00:19:08,940 --> 00:19:11,526
Oh!
That's a big boy, isn't he?
00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:12,986
All right, Kenny.
00:19:13,111 --> 00:19:14,487
Drink your elixir
of the mongoose.
00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:16,990
I am now going to use
mocking blow.
00:19:17,115 --> 00:19:18,658
[ Dramatic music plays ]
00:19:20,994 --> 00:19:23,163
"World of Warcraft"!
I need to play!
00:19:23,288 --> 00:19:25,331
Our demo is set up
right over by the --
00:19:25,456 --> 00:19:27,709
[ Keys clicking ]
00:19:29,043 --> 00:19:30,587
Got to sign in.
00:19:30,712 --> 00:19:32,881
Character name.
All right! I'm in!
00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:34,841
Dude, I'm almost dead.
00:19:34,966 --> 00:19:36,426
Kyle, cast arcane missiles!
00:19:36,551 --> 00:19:38,178
I'm out of manna.
I told you!
00:19:38,303 --> 00:19:40,680
I've got to heal!
00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:42,974
Stan!
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:45,685
Dad?
Not now!
00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:49,981
Stan, I've been sent here...
to bring you this.
00:19:50,106 --> 00:19:52,692
This sword can completely drain
his manna!
00:19:52,817 --> 00:19:54,027
Dad, how did you get that?
00:19:54,152 --> 00:19:55,862
No time!
Just take it!
00:19:55,987 --> 00:19:57,238
Here!
00:20:00,575 --> 00:20:02,994
How -- How do you hand something
from one player to another?
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:05,705
Bring up your inventory screen.
Control-I!
00:20:05,830 --> 00:20:06,539
Okay.
00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:09,209
Stan, what the hell
are you doing?!
00:20:09,792 --> 00:20:11,878
- I got it!
- Aah!
00:20:12,003 --> 00:20:12,795
Dad!
00:20:12,921 --> 00:20:14,380
[ Weakly ]
Stan!
00:20:14,505 --> 00:20:15,548
Dad, no!
00:20:17,508 --> 00:20:20,094
You killed my father.
00:20:21,054 --> 00:20:21,971
Aah!
00:20:22,096 --> 00:20:24,057
- [ Groans ]
- [ Electricity crackling ]
00:20:24,182 --> 00:20:25,850
His shield and armor spells
are down!
00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:27,769
Attack!
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:29,771
[ Grunts ]
00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:30,939
Aah!
00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:33,107
[ Groans ]
00:20:35,818 --> 00:20:38,446
Looks like you're
about to get pwned.
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:41,032
Yaah!
00:20:47,247 --> 00:20:49,123
Dad?
Dad?
00:20:49,249 --> 00:20:51,042
[ Weakly ]
Stan.
00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:54,629
I've never been able to say this
before, but...
00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:56,422
I love you, son.
00:20:56,547 --> 00:20:58,424
I know you do, Dad.
00:20:58,549 --> 00:21:00,551
[ Groaning ]
00:21:02,387 --> 00:21:05,598
[ Groaning ]
00:21:05,723 --> 00:21:07,058
They did it!
00:21:07,183 --> 00:21:09,269
Our world is saved!
00:21:10,812 --> 00:21:12,855
They did it!
They killed him!
00:21:12,981 --> 00:21:15,066
- They did it!
- They killed him!
00:21:15,191 --> 00:21:16,734
- We can come out!
- Come out!
00:21:16,859 --> 00:21:17,735
- Yes!
- Mrph rm!
00:21:17,860 --> 00:21:19,362
- All right!
- Yeah!
00:21:19,487 --> 00:21:20,405
- All right.
- Yeah.
00:21:20,530 --> 00:21:21,864
- Yeah.
- Mrph rm.
00:21:21,990 --> 00:21:24,951
We did it, you guys.
We're totally heroes.
00:21:25,076 --> 00:21:26,786
That was such uber-pwnage.
00:21:26,911 --> 00:21:28,955
I can't believe it's all over.
00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:30,957
What do we do now?
00:21:32,292 --> 00:21:33,793
What do you mean?
00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:35,503
Now we can finally play
the game.
00:21:35,628 --> 00:21:36,462
Oh, yeah.
00:21:36,587 --> 00:21:37,755
Okay, Kenny.
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:40,091
Add eyes of the beast
to your hotbar.
00:21:40,216 --> 00:21:43,303
Stan, check your fury talents
to boost your shouts.
00:21:43,428 --> 00:21:44,804
Got it.
rus__shoke-Kevin_(JahLion).srt
rus__shoke-Kevin_(JahLion).srt
00:00:16,697 --> 00:00:24,708
перевод: shoke, Kevin (JahLion):
специально: для http://uzhe.vtomske.ru и http://sp.fanclub.cc
00:00:41,004 --> 00:00:45,780
-Ооо пацаны, я только что насрал огромнейшую кучу, пацаны вы где?
00:00:46,301 --> 00:00:48,561
-Мы здесь, возле телеги
00:00:49,631 --> 00:00:50,801
-Так, я вернулся.
00:00:51,151 --> 00:00:54,401
-Чувак, мы заколебались тебя ждать!
-Ну, извините, мне нужно было посрать!
00:00:54,801 --> 00:00:57,801
-Если бы ты нежрал столько, у тебя бы небыло поноса, толстожопый!
00:00:58,281 --> 00:01:00,281
-Я не собираюсь выслушивать всякое говно от ебанутой дамочки.
00:01:00,411 --> 00:01:04,301
-фыфы ффф фыфффы
-Точно
00:01:04,351 --> 00:01:07,271
-Пошли, мы должны закончить квест "камнеголовый"
00:01:07,351 --> 00:01:09,271
-Стэн...Стэээн
00:01:10,001 --> 00:01:12,271
-Погодите пацаны, меня отец зовет
-Стэээн!!
00:01:12,701 --> 00:01:13,471
-Че?!?!
00:01:14,071 --> 00:01:18,071
-Ты за компом все выходные сидишь, не хочешь пойти пообщаться с друзьями?
00:01:18,201 --> 00:01:26,071
-Я и так общаюсь, пенсионер. Я играю в MMORPG вместе с людьми по всему свету, набираю опыт в моей пати, используя TeamSpeak.
00:01:29,201 --> 00:01:31,071
-Я не пенсионер... :(
00:01:32,301 --> 00:01:39,071
-Ладно. Извините пацаны
-Куда теперь?
-Видите где я? В эту сторону.
-Пошли уже.
00:01:41,301 --> 00:01:43,971
-Я самый могущественный гном во всем Анзурасе!
00:01:44,401 --> 00:01:46,801
-Ух ты, посмотри сколько народу сейчас играет!
00:01:46,801 --> 00:01:49,871
-Да это ебучие Корейцы
00:01:49,871 --> 00:01:51,971
-Вот дерьмо, опять этот парень!
00:01:53,371 --> 00:01:57,751
-Кто это?
-Он убил нас прошлой ночью, когда ты ушел спать.
00:01:57,751 --> 00:01:59,001
-Свали отсюда мудила!
00:01:59,251 --> 00:02:01,201
-Он намного выше уровнем чем мы, так нечестно!
00:02:01,201 --> 00:02:04,201
-Все нормально, он не может убить нас, пока мы не ответим.
00:02:07,201 --> 00:02:10,801
-О боже мой! Он убил Кенни!
-... ты ублюдок!
00:02:15,601 --> 00:02:19,301
-У тебя нет других дел, кроме как в игре убивать людей?
00:02:20,301 --> 00:02:25,901
-Нет! Я не хочу снова начинать с кладбища! Неет! Блять!
00:02:27,301 --> 00:02:28,901
-АХ ТЫ СУКИН СЫН!!!
00:02:29,151 --> 00:02:33,901
-Кто он вообще такой?
-Кто бы он не был, он крутой, здоровенный, засранец...
00:02:40,901 --> 00:02:43,201
-Линия помощи по игре Варкрафт
00:02:43,401 --> 00:02:48,201
-Ага, мы купили игру, мы поиграли, но теперь когда мы заходим, какой-то другой игрок постоянно находит и убивает нас.
00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:53,901
-Такого недолжно быть, мы создали игру так, что бы игроки должны были согласится на дуель, перед тем как убьют друг друга...
00:02:53,901 --> 00:02:55,301
-Да, но этот парень все равно убивает нас в любом случае.
00:02:55,301 --> 00:02:56,901
-Этот парень гандон.
00:02:56,901 --> 00:02:58,401
-Серьезно? Это плохо...
00:02:58,401 --> 00:03:01,801
-Еще звонят люди по поводу того что их персонажей убили.
-О нет..
00:03:02,201 --> 00:03:05,801
-Хорошо, мы конечно же найдем его, и отключим от сети.
00:03:06,001 --> 00:03:07,801
-Нужно сообщить парням "наверху"
00:03:09,301 --> 00:03:11,801
-Друзья мои, у нас проблема...
00:03:12,301 --> 00:03:15,801
-Кто-то в мире Варкрафта игнорирует правила этого мира...
00:03:16,901 --> 00:03:20,401
-Он ходит по миру и убивает ни в чем неповинных игроков...
00:03:21,151 --> 00:03:25,201
-Зачем убивать невинных игроков? Смысл игры в прохождении квестов.
00:03:25,401 --> 00:03:27,201
-Мы должны отключить его от серверов.
00:03:27,401 --> 00:03:35,601
-Мы не можем. Кто бы он не был, он играет в Варкрафт настолько много, что он достиг уровня, который, мы думали, не достигаем!
00:03:36,001 --> 00:03:41,001
-Он настолько силен, что может убить наших админов, и он становится сильнее с каждым днем
00:03:41,151 --> 00:03:42,301
-Боже..
00:03:42,301 --> 00:03:46,401
-Мне нужно домой! Мои дети играют в ВоВ прямо сейчас!
00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:50,401
-Джим...Персонажи твоих детей, уже мертвы...
00:03:50,501 --> 00:03:52,501
-нет...
00:03:52,501 --> 00:03:54,601
-...нет...
00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:57,401
-ОНИ ТОЛЬКО НАЧАЛИ ИГРАТЬ!
00:03:57,601 --> 00:04:00,201
-Что за человек, мог совершить такое?
00:04:01,301 --> 00:04:08,801
-Человек, кто бы он не был, который играл в ВоВ, каждый час, каждый день, на протяжении полутора лет.
00:04:09,051 --> 00:04:15,801
-Господа, мы имеем дело с тем, у кого, абсолютно нет нормальной жизни(овощем).
00:04:17,601 --> 00:04:23,201
-Но, как победить ОВОЩ?
00:04:26,501 --> 00:04:28,601
-Ренди? Ты работаешь над анализами со спутника?
00:04:28,801 --> 00:04:33,601
-Не сейчас, Нельсон. Я только что присоединился к большой пати ночных эльфов, чтобы вместе исследовать башну "Тозороу".
00:04:35,201 --> 00:04:46,901
-Это компьютерная игра?
-Нет, пенсионер, это MMORPG. Я играю с реальными людьми. Видишь? Я охотник 2ого уровня, я могу общаться с другими людьми, я даже могу помахать тому парню, видишь?
00:04:47,901 --> 00:04:50,901
-А в реальной жизни - я обычный геолог...
00:04:51,201 --> 00:04:57,901
-Но здесь, я Валкорн, защитник Альянса, я храбр до глубины бла бла бла бла...
00:05:04,201 --> 00:05:07,901
-хм, похоже тот парень только что убил тебя
00:05:08,001 --> 00:05:11,401
-что?...почему?....ЗАЧТО?
00:05:12,067 --> 00:05:17,267
-Друзья мои, как вам всем известно, какой-то гигантский гандон, продолжает находится в игре и убивает наших персонажей.
00:05:17,467 --> 00:05:20,667
-В течении 4ех выходных, он появляется и мочит нас!
00:05:20,667 --> 00:05:23,367
-Он убил моего персонажа прямо в середине прохождения квеста!
00:05:23,367 --> 00:05:24,267
-Моего тоже!
00:05:24,867 --> 00:05:30,467
-Мы поняли что вчетвером нам не справится с ним. Но! Если мы все вместе попробуем, у нас может получится...
00:05:30,767 --> 00:05:34,067
-Ага!
-Мы можем наподдавать ему!
00:05:34,367 --> 00:05:38,267
-Пацаны вы че тупые? Мы не сможем его победить, даже все вместе, это пустая трата времени.
00:05:38,267 --> 00:05:39,167
-Чувак, мы должны попытаться...
00:05:39,367 --> 00:05:41,167
-У меня есть дела поважнее.
00:05:41,767 --> 00:05:48,067
-Клайд! Клайд! Если бы у тебя был шанс, прямо сейчас, вернутся в прошлое, и остановить Гитлера, ты бы этого не сделал?
00:05:48,067 --> 00:05:51,367
-Я имею ввиду, я бы не остоновил его, потому что считаю его ахуенным...Но ты бы остановил, так??
00:05:51,567 --> 00:05:53,067
-Я просто перестану играть..
00:05:54,067 --> 00:05:58,067
-Когда власть Гитлера возросла, знаешь кто просто перестал играть? Знаешь, кто были эти люди?
00:05:58,367 --> 00:06:00,367
-Французы...Ты Француз Клайд?
00:06:00,767 --> 00:06:01,467
-нет...
00:06:01,667 --> 00:06:04,267
Ву ле ве куше авек муа, Клайд?
00:06:04,267 --> 00:06:05,567
-Ладно, Ладно, я с вами...
00:06:05,617 --> 00:06:07,067
-Ну так какой п-п-план?
00:06:07,267 --> 00:06:13,667
-Так, заходим сегодня вечером в игру в 19:30. Мы встретимся здесь, перед Elwynn Forest, около WestFall.
00:06:14,067 --> 00:06:15,367
-Друзья мои...Вперед к победе!
00:06:15,767 --> 00:06:17,467
Вперед к победе!!!
00:06:17,767 --> 00:06:19,667
-Я не играю в ВоВ.
00:06:21,167 --> 00:06:23,167
-Баттерс, ты сказал, что сидишь возле компа всё время?
00:06:23,267 --> 00:06:26,167
-Ага, но я играю в "Hello Kitty Island Adventure".
00:06:28,167 --> 00:06:34,167
-Баттерс, иди купи ВоВ, установи на свой компьютер, зайди в игру...пока мы все тебя не убили.
00:06:44,159 --> 00:06:45,559
-И так пацаны, вот оно!
00:06:45,659 --> 00:06:48,859
-Когда битва начнется, все войны включите защитный режим.
00:06:48,859 --> 00:06:51,759
-Все остальные ждем, пока Крег накастит "Intellect buff'
00:06:53,859 --> 00:06:58,659
-Битва обещает быть длинной, так что убедитесь что вы сделали макросы на ваши специальные умения и забиндили их на клавиатуре.
00:06:58,759 --> 00:07:02,559
-Хорошо Эрик, ты можешь п-п-положится на нас!
-ТИММИ!!!
00:07:02,659 --> 00:07:07,559
-Этот будет день который все будут помнить! Пусть наш смелый вызов...
00:07:07,559 --> 00:07:08,559
-Привет пацаны!
00:07:09,759 --> 00:07:11,559
-Это просто супер, офигеть!
00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:16,159
-Баттерс, ты, че мать твою, делаешь?
00:07:16,659 --> 00:07:18,859
-Я играю в ВоВ, как ты и сказал..
00:07:19,659 --> 00:07:22,659
-Ты не можешь играть гномом, я гном..
00:07:22,659 --> 00:07:24,659
-Ну, тут всего 4 расы на выбор, так ч...
00:07:24,659 --> 00:07:29,659
-Так что выбери другую расу, я здесь гном, долбоеб!
Выйди, возьми другого персонажа, зайди снова!
00:07:29,859 --> 00:07:32,759
-Да пошло оно в жопу, пойду играть в Hello Kitty Island Adventure...
00:07:32,859 --> 00:07:36,659
-Пошли пацаны, сделаем это!
-Ага, моя мама сказала быть в постели в 21:30!
00:07:37,659 --> 00:07:39,459
-Выдвигаемся!
00:07:54,459 --> 00:07:56,759
-Смотрите! Вот он!
-Всем стоять!
00:07:59,759 --> 00:08:01,559
-Он нацелился на нас!
00:08:01,559 --> 00:08:07,559
-Приготовились!....иии...жмите правую кнопку!
00:08:11,559 --> 00:08:14,459
-Что за?...О Боже, он вызвал скорпионов!
00:08:24,159 --> 00:08:26,459
-Я горю! Божее! Я гоооорю!!
00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:32,459
-Кенни убит. К-к-кени убит.
00:08:34,559 --> 00:08:37,559
-Я накакал в штаааны.
00:08:37,659 --> 00:08:39,859
-Айк! Берегись!
00:08:42,959 --> 00:08:45,859
-Клайд, стреляй в него из своего арбалета!
00:08:47,459 --> 00:08:48,159
-Стреляй, Клайд!
00:08:49,459 --> 00:08:51,459
-Клайд? Клайд?!?
00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:55,859
-Ебанаврот, мы потеряли Клайда!
00:08:59,059 --> 00:09:00,859
-Эй, Стен! Можно я поиграю с вами, парни?
00:09:01,059 --> 00:09:01,959
-Отец?!
00:09:02,159 --> 00:09:03,559
-Да, я играю из офиса.
00:09:04,159 --> 00:09:06,359
-Отец выйди с нашей TeamSpeak линии.
00:09:08,159 --> 00:09:09,159
-Всё, меня убили.
00:09:11,459 --> 00:09:13,859
-Всё, нахер эту игру!
00:09:14,059 --> 00:09:16,359
-Нет! Оставь меня в покое!
00:09:21,159 --> 00:09:23,359
-ЕБАТЬ ТЕБЯ ВО ВСЕ ЩЕЛИ!!!
00:09:27,990 --> 00:09:30,590
-О Боже...О Боже, нет..
00:09:30,690 --> 00:09:31,590
-Что?
00:09:31,790 --> 00:09:36,590
-Он только что убил последнего игрока на Скалистом Острове.
00:09:36,690 --> 00:09:38,190
-Сколько там было персонажей игроков?
00:09:38,190 --> 00:09:39,190
-Больше 5,000...
-Сколько там было персонажей игроков?
00:09:39,190 --> 00:09:40,790
-Больше 5,000...
00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:50,590
-У нас сейчас, более 7 миллионов пользователей в игре, и вы говорите, что все их персонажи погибнут, и мы ничего не сможем сделать, что бы спасти их?!
00:09:51,290 --> 00:09:56,390
-Да...Пройдет совсем немного времени, пока всех недостанет окончательно, и они перестанут играть.
00:09:56,740 --> 00:10:03,390
-Господа, очень может быть, что это приведет к концу мира. Концу, Мира Варкрафт.
00:10:04,390 --> 00:10:06,390
-Нет! НЕЕЕЕЕЕТ!
00:10:16,363 --> 00:10:19,663
-Вы че делаете пацаны?! Только не говорите мне что вы тоже перестали играть в ВоВ?
00:10:19,863 --> 00:10:22,663
-Чувак, мы всё. Нам надоело, что нас постоянно убивают.
00:10:22,863 --> 00:10:26,463
-Пацаны! Когда все выглядит плохо, нельзя просто так сдаваться.
00:10:26,563 --> 00:10:30,363
-У нас нет выбора, этот парень убил наших персонажей 14раз!
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:37,563
-У меня есть решение, пацаны. Этот парень убивает нас так легко, потому что он супер высокого уровня, так? Но если бы мы тоже стали такими же...
00:10:37,963 --> 00:10:40,863
-Мы не можем такими стать, потому что этот парень не дает нам закончить квест.
00:10:41,463 --> 00:10:45,363
-Поэтому нам нужно, зайти в игру, и оставаясь в лесу, убивать свиней.
00:10:45,613 --> 00:10:46,613
-Свиней?
00:10:46,613 --> 00:10:49,663
-Там дохрена этих свиней, они постоянно появляются вновь, и умирают всего с одного удара.
00:10:49,763 --> 00:10:54,663
-Чувак за них дают всего 2 очка опыта, сколько нам нужно убить что бы достичь 30уровня?
00:10:55,363 --> 00:11:00,163
-Да. 65,340,295 штук.
00:11:00,163 --> 00:11:04,663
-Что займет у нас: 7 недель, 5 дней 30часов и 20 минут, с учетом 3ех часов на сон...
00:11:04,863 --> 00:11:06,363
-Что скажите пацаны?
00:11:06,563 --> 00:11:10,463
-Вы конечно можете, весь день тусоваться тут, играя в мячь.
00:11:10,463 --> 00:11:11,963
-Или сесть за компьютер и что-нибудь изменить...
00:11:41,253 --> 00:11:42,463
компьютерный класс
00:12:00,453 --> 00:12:05,963
-Сэр, вам лучше взглянуть на это. Четыре парня, они подняли 15 уровней за 3 недели!
00:12:06,963 --> 00:12:10,263
-Боже мой... они должно быть полные овощи...
00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:12,263
-Думаете?
-Без сомнений...
00:12:57,900 --> 00:13:02,100
-Администраторы ВоВ, сказали нам что эти 4 игрока, из маленького городка, в штате Колорадо.
00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:05,700
-Они достаточно сильны, что бы победить "плохиша"?
00:13:05,700 --> 00:13:12,500
-Мы сделали расчеты, даже с их удивительным набором уровней, 90% что их разорвут на кусочки.
00:13:12,900 --> 00:13:15,400
-Должен быть какой-нибудь способ помочь им.
00:13:16,500 --> 00:13:19,700
-А что на счет...меча "тысячи правд"?
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:23,900
-Тихо Томас! И речи быть не может об этом мече!
00:13:24,300 --> 00:13:27,200
-Но может, эти новички, те о ком написано в предсказании?
00:13:27,300 --> 00:13:28,500
-Это не оправдание!
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,400
-Что это за меч?
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:38,400
-Давным-давно, когда создавался ВоВ, один из программистов сделал меч, меч "тысячи правд" и поместил его в игру.
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:46,400
-Он наносил 120 урона в секунду, каждому врагу, и добавлял +80 к выносливости.
00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:55,800
-Но, меч оказался настолько мощным, что мы убрали его из игры, и мы поместили его на флешку одного из батанов.
00:13:56,100 --> 00:14:00,800
-Нам было сказано, что однажды, мы можем достать этот меч, и дать игроку который "проявит" себя.
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,600
-Кто сделал сие предсказание?
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:05,300
-Солтсмен, он бухгалтер.
00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:21,300
-Узрейте. Это меч "тысячи правд".
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:27,300
-Мы должны доставить этот меч, тому кто доказал что он настоящий овощ.
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:31,300
-Будем надеяться на Господа, что бы они не начали битву пока мы не найдем их.
00:14:32,161 --> 00:14:36,761
-Ладно пацаны, момент истины настал. Настало время для последней битвы.
00:14:36,761 --> 00:14:38,661
-Все вместе, заходим!
00:14:38,761 --> 00:14:42,661
-Я в игре.
-Я тоже
-Мммм
00:14:42,761 --> 00:14:45,661
-Все поставили бутылки лечения на хотбар?
00:14:45,961 --> 00:14:49,561
-Кайл, давай, начинай кастить увеличение интелекта.
00:14:49,661 --> 00:14:52,561
-Погодите, я изменю расстояние, для моих "огненных" заклинаний.
00:14:52,661 --> 00:14:55,661
-хорошо...Стэн, какие дополнительные возможности у твоего плаща?
00:14:55,761 --> 00:15:00,661
-+15 к ловкости
-Дай плащ Кенни, ему нужно больше ловкости для лука.
00:15:00,711 --> 00:15:01,661
-Ладно.
00:15:01,761 --> 00:15:05,561
-Погодите, это может занять 12 часов, что если у нас кончится еда?
00:15:05,661 --> 00:15:06,661
-Не беспокойся, у меня все схвачено.
00:15:06,861 --> 00:15:11,661
-Маам.
-Да дорогой?
-Еще горячих пакетиков!
-Уже бегу дорогой.
00:15:11,861 --> 00:15:12,961
-Это уберкруто.
00:15:13,861 --> 00:15:15,261
-Короче, все готовы?
-Готовы.
00:15:16,361 --> 00:15:17,361
-Пошли завалим его.
00:15:26,461 --> 00:15:29,961
-Подождите, мне кажется я его вижу. Да это он. ГолдКнайт.
00:15:30,061 --> 00:15:32,961
-Ок, все откройте свой "F" лист, и найдите Стэна.
00:15:33,561 --> 00:15:35,261
-Какой автопоисковый макрос?
00:15:35,561 --> 00:15:37,261
-Нулевой.
00:15:38,561 --> 00:15:40,261
-Так, я прямо за Стэном.
00:15:40,461 --> 00:15:45,161
-Кенни приготовься включить "shooshot ore", сейчас я включу "ultimate shout"
00:15:45,161 --> 00:15:46,361
-Он видит нас.
00:15:49,661 --> 00:15:51,361
-Он взял нас на прицел
00:15:51,461 --> 00:15:52,861
-Долбани-ка по нему "Powerblast"ом, Кайл.
00:15:52,861 --> 00:15:55,561
-Кастую…8 секунд...
00:15:55,761 --> 00:15:57,761
-Ты не должен был уменьшить время каста?
00:15:57,961 --> 00:16:00,761
-Нет, я аркейн-огненный маг
-Бляха...
00:16:00,861 --> 00:16:04,061
-Он опять вызвал монстров.
-Мочим скорпионов.
00:16:15,756 --> 00:16:18,756
после 17и часов битвы
00:16:26,767 --> 00:16:27,267
-Да?
00:16:27,367 --> 00:16:31,267
-Мы ищем великого война, его имя LovesToSpooch
00:16:31,367 --> 00:16:34,367
-Так зовут персонажа моего сына в ВоВ.
00:16:34,567 --> 00:16:35,267
-Где он?!
00:16:35,467 --> 00:16:41,767
-Сэр, у нас мало времени, администраторы игры, нам только что передали, пати вашего сына уже в битве!
00:16:41,967 --> 00:16:45,767
-Если он не получит этот мечь, персонаж вашего сына погибнет!
00:16:48,067 --> 00:16:49,767
-Божее моой...
00:16:55,067 --> 00:16:58,767
-Кайл, заклинание огня!
00:16:59,167 --> 00:17:00,167
-Кайл?
00:17:01,967 --> 00:17:03,267
-Кайл? Парень, что случилось?
00:17:03,567 --> 00:17:04,667
-Рука затекла, рука затекла!
00:17:06,367 --> 00:17:08,167
-Господи Иисусе, это плохо.
00:17:08,367 --> 00:17:10,167
-Погодите, нам нужен бенгель.
00:17:15,767 --> 00:17:16,767
-Поторопись чувак
00:17:16,867 --> 00:17:20,267
-Быстрее некуда.
-Кайл ты должен продолжить играть.
00:17:20,267 --> 00:17:24,167
-Я не могу, оставьте меня.
-Чувак мы не сможем без тебя, давай!
00:17:24,367 --> 00:17:26,167
-СТЭН! СТЭЭН!!
00:17:27,167 --> 00:17:28,267
-Шерон, где Стэн?!?
00:17:28,267 --> 00:17:32,367
-Я не знаю! Он взял свой компьютер и ушел куда-то играть в свою тупую онлайновую игру.
00:17:32,467 --> 00:17:33,567
-Тупую?
00:17:33,767 --> 00:17:34,867
-Куда?!?
00:17:34,767 --> 00:17:36,267
-Я НЕ знаю.
00:17:36,267 --> 00:17:37,867
-Шерон, его персонаж погибнет, если мы не найдем его!
00:17:37,867 --> 00:17:39,267
-Ну и что?
00:17:39,367 --> 00:17:41,867
-НУ И ЧТО?!
00:17:42,067 --> 00:17:44,967
-Мы опоздали, без меча они проиграют.
00:17:45,967 --> 00:17:50,967
-Если мы найдем компьютер, мы сможем зайти в ВоВ и перед меч парню в онлайне.
00:17:51,167 --> 00:17:52,967
-У меня нет аккаунта в ВоВ, а у тебя?
00:17:53,167 --> 00:17:54,867
-Нет, я же не ОВОЩ...
00:17:56,067 --> 00:17:56,867
-Дайте мне меч…
00:17:57,867 --> 00:17:58,767
-Тебе?
00:17:58,767 --> 00:18:02,767
-У меня есть персонаж в ВоВе, правда я новичок, но я могу зайти и передать меч Стэну в игре.
00:18:02,867 --> 00:18:05,767
-Мы не можем доверить меч "тысячи правд" новичку.
00:18:05,867 --> 00:18:08,967
-А по-моему у нас нет выбора, дайте мне меч...
00:18:16,367 --> 00:18:17,767
-Давайте парни, нам нужен рабочий компьютер.
00:18:20,267 --> 00:18:23,167
-Где ваша машина?!
-Мы сюда приехали на такси!
-Черт возьми! Моя в магазине.
00:18:24,767 --> 00:18:27,067
-Эй! Помогите! Остановитесь! Пожалуйста! Это срочно!
00:18:34,067 --> 00:18:37,367
-Нельсон, нужно, что бы ты приехал, мне нужен компьютер!
00:18:37,567 --> 00:18:40,367
-Нет, мне нужно поиграть в ВоВ! Нельсон?!
00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:53,760
-Так, большие каменные бутыли должны...о боже, у меня опять понос начался.
00:18:54,373 --> 00:18:56,173
-Ты не можешь идти в туалет, ты кусок песочной брони!
00:18:57,073 --> 00:19:02,173
-Все в порядке…Мам, туалет!
-Что милый?
-Туалет! ТУАЛЕТ!
00:19:09,073 --> 00:19:12,273
-Оо, это мой большой мальчик, неправда ли?
00:19:12,973 --> 00:19:16,273
-Ладно, Кенни пей свой эликсир мангуста, я собираюсь использовать "точечный взрыв".
00:19:21,773 --> 00:19:23,373
-гдеворкрафтмненадопоиграть?
00:19:23,473 --> 00:19:26,373
-Наш демо стенд, находится прямо вон там.
00:19:29,273 --> 00:19:32,673
-Так, логин...имя персонажа...отлично я в игре.
00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:34,773
-Пацаны, я почти мертв.
00:19:34,973 --> 00:19:36,473
-Кайл, кастуй аркейн-ракеты.
00:19:36,573 --> 00:19:38,273
-У меня кончилась манна, я же тебе говорил!
00:19:39,273 --> 00:19:40,473
-Мне нужно подлечится!
00:19:41,273 --> 00:19:43,473
-Стээээээн!
00:19:44,773 --> 00:19:46,273
-Отец? Не сейчас!
00:19:46,273 --> 00:19:52,673
-Стэн. Меня послали, что бы я передал тебе это! Этот меч может высосать абсолютно всю его ману!
00:19:52,873 --> 00:19:53,873
-Отец, где ты его взял?!
00:19:54,273 --> 00:19:57,173
-Нет времени! Просто возьми его, держи!
00:20:00,773 --> 00:20:03,173
-Как передать что-нибудь, от одного персонажа другому?
00:20:03,173 --> 00:20:06,673
-Открой свой инвентарь - ctrl+i
-Ок...
00:20:07,273 --> 00:20:08,773
-Стэн, какого черта, ты там делаешь?
00:20:10,273 --> 00:20:13,273
-Есть!....ОТЕЦ!!!
00:20:13,373 --> 00:20:14,173
-Стэээн!
00:20:14,873 --> 00:20:16,673
-ОТЕЦ! НЕТ!
00:20:17,773 --> 00:20:20,473
-Ты убил моего отца...
00:20:25,273 --> 00:20:28,473
-Его защитный магический армор спал!
-АТАКУЕМ!
00:20:36,573 --> 00:20:42,473
-Похоже тебе наподдавали...
00:20:47,773 --> 00:20:49,773
-Отец? Отец!
00:20:49,973 --> 00:20:56,773
-Стээн... Я не мог сказать этого раньше, но...я люблю тебя сынок....
00:20:57,373 --> 00:20:58,373
-Я знаю отец.
00:21:06,273 --> 00:21:08,473
-Они сделали это!!!
-Мир спасен!!!
00:21:11,273 --> 00:21:13,473
-Они сделали это! Они убили его!
-Мы спасены!
00:21:23,573 --> 00:21:27,773
-Мы сделали это, мы настоящие герои!
00:21:27,773 --> 00:21:30,773
-Я не могу поверить, что все закончилось. Чем теперь займемся?
00:21:33,073 --> 00:21:36,473
-В смысле? Теперь мы наконец сможем начать играть.
-Точно.
00:21:37,673 --> 00:21:43,773
-Ок, Кенни, добавь "глаз зверя" на свой хотбар. Стэн проверь свои талатны ярости чтобы улучшить выстрелы...
-Ладно.
(c)southpark.org.ru
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