Цццт

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♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:13,848 --> 00:00:15,391

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:18,602

♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,312

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:20,438 --> 00:00:21,647

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:25,151

♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,276 --> 00:00:28,195

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:32,950

♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

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Mrs. Cartman, we have had it

with your son's behavior, m'kay.

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Little Billy Turner is now

being treated at the hospital.

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Eric, why would you

do such a thing?

00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,883

I'm sorry I handcuffed

Billy Turner's ankle

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to the school flagpole.

00:00:50,301 --> 00:00:51,761

You know that's not the point!

00:00:51,886 --> 00:00:54,138

Okay, I'm sorry I handcuffed

Billy Turner's ankle

00:00:54,263 --> 00:00:56,265

to a flagpole

and then gave him a hacksaw...

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and then told him I had

poisoned his lunch milk

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and the only way he could get

to the antidote in time

00:00:59,518 --> 00:01:00,519

would be to saw through his leg.

00:01:00,644 --> 00:01:02,354

That's very naughty, Eric.

00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:03,731

Well, he called me chubby!

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We have tried at this school

to make Eric understand

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that there are boundaries,

m'kay.

00:01:07,943 --> 00:01:10,237

But frankly, we believe

his behavioral problems

00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:11,280

start at home.

00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:14,700

I know.

I know he's out of control.

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But you don't know

what it's like.

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I'm sorry.

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It's just that he seems

to get worse every day.

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He just never listens!

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Well, nice going, asshole.

You made my mom cry!

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It's not him.

It's you, Eric!

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I don't know what to do

with you.

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Sure you do.

You're a great mom!

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♪ Who's got the greatest mom

in the world? ♪

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♪ I do ♪

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♪ My mom is number one

in my heart ♪

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♪ It's true ♪

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♪ My mom's the best mom,

better than your mom ♪

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♪ Let's sing it together

in harmony ♪

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Mrs. Cartman, I know

this is extremely difficult,

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but there is help out there

for people like you.

00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:04,959

Have you ever heard of a show

called "Nanny 911"?

00:02:08,087 --> 00:02:10,714

They're every parent's

worst nightmare.

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Shut up!

I hate you! I hate you!

00:02:12,675 --> 00:02:15,469

Kids completely out of control.

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Look! I'm skating!

I'm skating!

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It's time to call "Nanny 911."

00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:25,354

We've gathered a team

of world-class nannies

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to help families in crisis.

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Parents of America,

help is on the way!

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Tonight...

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Mom, I need

another energy drink!

00:02:35,948 --> 00:02:39,368

This 8-year-old son of a single

parent just won't behave.

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And Nanny Stella is selected

to set him straight!

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It's time for Nanny Stella

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to show Eric Cartman

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his ways are not going to be

tolerated anymore!

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Mom, are you deaf?!

Somebody's at the door!

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Yes, I think it's the nanny,

poopsiekins.

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Killer. I'm gonna be on TV now.

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Hello!

I'm Nanny Stella!

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Oh, thank you so much

for coming.

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Please come in.

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And you must be Eric!

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Mom, I want a Twinkie.

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A-All right, dear.

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Hold on, Mrs. Cartman.

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There are going to be some

rule changes around here, Eric.

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First of all, no video games

until chores are done.

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I'm serious.

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Let's put down the video game

and go to the kitchen.

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No, thanks. I'd rather not.

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Right. Then I'm going to

have to take it.

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What the hell

do you think you're doing?

00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:37,927

Come on.

00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:41,222

This video game is going

right here on the counter

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until we've done some chores.

00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:46,685

Now, first thing we're going to

do is make your bed.

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Eric, no!

This is not acceptable!

00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:51,899

Stop trying to bogart my Xbox,

you fat bitch!

00:03:52,024 --> 00:03:55,110

All right. That's it.

You're going to time-out!

00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:56,195

Time-out?

00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:57,363

Whenever you are naughty, Eric,

00:03:57,488 --> 00:04:01,617

you are going to sit

on this stool for five minutes.

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And what exactly keeps me

on the stool?

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It's the time-out stool.

00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:09,208

You can't get down

until the time is up.

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Whoa!

How did I do that!?

00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:17,091

Eric, you have to stay

in time-out!

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Um, no?

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Come on.

You don't have a choice.

00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:23,264

All right. Seriously, you're

starting to piss me off now.

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Eric, you need to listen to me.

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This is very important.

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I'm getting down to eye level

with Eric

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so that I can talk to him

on his level.

00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:32,648

Eric, you need to understand

00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:35,025

why you are being punished,

all right?

00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:36,860

I'm just gonna get down

as soon as you move.

00:04:36,986 --> 00:04:40,322

Well, then I'll just

have to stand right here!

00:04:41,490 --> 00:04:42,408

Aah!

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He spit in my mouth!

00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:47,621

Yeah.

It's best to avoid his level.

00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:50,374

All right.

I've dealt with this before.

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We just need to use psychology

on him.

00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:55,129

♪ Don't stop believin' ♪

00:04:55,254 --> 00:04:57,506

♪ Hold on

to that feel-a-ee-ing ♪

00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:01,093

Eric, can I just talk to you

for a quick second?

00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:03,220

Why are you so angry?

00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:04,972

Because you took my Xbox.

00:05:05,097 --> 00:05:07,057

Is this about more

than your video game?

00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:08,434

Are you feeling angry at me

00:05:08,559 --> 00:05:11,312

because you think I'm here

to change your life?

00:05:11,437 --> 00:05:13,314

Well...yeah.

00:05:13,439 --> 00:05:15,149

And you're feeling

like I have no right

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to come in

and tell you how to live.

00:05:17,735 --> 00:05:19,278

Yeah, I guess so.

00:05:19,403 --> 00:05:20,529

See this?

00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:21,613

You have to take the time

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to talk to your children

about their feelings.

00:05:24,033 --> 00:05:25,868

What else are you feeling, Eric?

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Well, I'm feeling confused,

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because I don't understand

why you became a nanny.

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Me?

00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:35,294

Well, because I love children,

like you.

00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:37,755

Right, but if you love children

so much,

00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:39,465

how come you're not a mommy?

00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:41,925

Oh, I just never had kids.

00:05:42,051 --> 00:05:43,385

Why not?

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It just...didn't happen.

00:05:46,638 --> 00:05:48,307

You're sterile.

Is that it?

00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:51,393

No. That's too convenient

of an excuse.

00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:53,812

The truth is, nobody ever wanted

to have babies with you.

00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:55,147

Isn't that it?

00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:57,191

Always the moms-maid,

never the mom.

00:05:57,316 --> 00:06:00,235

Must be hard on you, knowing

that the years are ticking away,

00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:01,653

your friends

all getting married,

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and all the while your uterus

slowly shriveling away,

00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:06,950

drying up,

becoming totally worthless.

00:06:07,076 --> 00:06:10,829

Why, you -- you --

you little bastard!

00:06:10,954 --> 00:06:12,373

How dare you?!

00:06:12,498 --> 00:06:13,665

Eric, naughty.

00:06:13,791 --> 00:06:15,334

What kind of monster would --

00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:16,668

Yes!

Let the anger come!

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Strike me down while you can!

00:06:18,337 --> 00:06:20,464

But it won't make your dried-up

ovaries any more fertile!

00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:22,591

That's it!

I'm not doing this!

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Oh, but we really need

some help!

00:06:24,468 --> 00:06:28,013

Find yourself another nanny...

television show!

00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:31,683

Coming up next,

it's "Supernanny"!

00:06:31,809 --> 00:06:34,770

Where other nannies fail,

Nanny Jo comes through!

00:06:44,530 --> 00:06:46,281

This child's behavior

00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:48,492

is totally unacceptable!

00:06:50,661 --> 00:06:53,247

But there's no child too tough

for Supernanny!

00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:54,665

In just three days' time,

00:06:54,790 --> 00:06:58,001

you're going to see

a new Eric Cartman!

00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:06,009

I'm afraid Supernanny is in a

deep state of mental psychosis.

00:07:06,135 --> 00:07:07,136

What do you mean?

00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:09,346

I mean she spends

most of her time sobbing

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and eating her own excrement.

00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:17,104

From hell.

00:07:17,229 --> 00:07:20,315

It's from hell!

00:07:20,441 --> 00:07:21,233

Oh, dear.

00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:22,693

I don't know what else to do

00:07:22,818 --> 00:07:24,695

about my son's

behavioral problems.

00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:28,157

We've been through every nanny

reality show on television.

00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:32,286

Well, there is one more show

you could still try.

00:07:33,162 --> 00:07:35,122

When good dogs go bad,

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there's one man

who's their best friend.

00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:40,252

Cesar Millan.

00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:42,713

No dog

is too much for me to handle.

00:07:42,838 --> 00:07:45,549

I rehabilitate dogs.

I train people.

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I am the dog whisperer.

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Please come in.

00:07:53,474 --> 00:07:54,933

So, tell me what are

the problems

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you're having with the child.

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Well, he's just out of control.

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I mean, he never listens to me,

and he pretty much runs my life.

00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:02,649

So the child needs to learn

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that he's not the most important

person in the house.

00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:06,278

You can stop talking

behind my back.

00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:07,488

I'm right here, fruitcake.

00:08:07,613 --> 00:08:08,822

See, I'm not looking

at the child,

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I'm not acknowledging the child.

00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:12,409

I'm just letting the child know

I'm not interested in him.

00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:13,494

Not interested in me?

00:08:13,619 --> 00:08:15,913

See, the child thinks your world

revolves around him

00:08:16,038 --> 00:08:16,914

because it does,

00:08:17,039 --> 00:08:19,249

because everything he does

gets a response from you.

00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:20,709

- Yeah. Well, I don't see why --

- Tsst!

00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:21,502

Hey!

00:08:21,627 --> 00:08:23,170

Don't look at the child.

Just keep looking at me.

00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:24,880

Let him know we are

having a conversation.

00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:26,048

- Mom, this guy doesn't --

- Tsst!

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- Aah! Quit it!

- What is that you're doing?

00:08:28,383 --> 00:08:30,802

Dogs show their dominance by

nipping each other on the neck.

00:08:30,928 --> 00:08:32,554

But it works equally well

on the child.

00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:34,473

I just use two fingers

and nip at the child's neck.

00:08:34,598 --> 00:08:36,475

Doesn't hurt the child.

Just let him know I am dominant.

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Look, Mexican,

if you really think that --

00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:39,937

- Tsst!

- Knock it off!

00:08:40,062 --> 00:08:40,562

Tsst!

00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,731

See, I'm not validating

his bad behavior

00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,691

with either a negative

or positive response.

00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:46,401

Oh!

That's very interesting!

00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:48,070

I think the first thing

we need to work on

00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:49,279

is getting the child

some exercise.

00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:50,948

He's fat and he has

all this pent-up energy that...

00:08:51,073 --> 00:08:53,075

- I'm not fat!

- ...we need to let him burn off.

00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,243

Do you take walks with your son?

00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:55,661

Well, no, I don't.

00:08:55,786 --> 00:08:58,038

Go on.

Take your son for a walk.

00:08:58,163 --> 00:09:00,207

Hey!

00:09:00,332 --> 00:09:02,000

You think this is funny,

you son of a bitch?

00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:03,752

See, once again,

I am the one going for a walk.

00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:06,213

This is about me. The child is

lucky enough to come along.

00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:08,340

- Mom, this is degrading!

- Tsst!

00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:09,758

Aah!

God damn it!

00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:13,804

Don't look at him.

Just look straight ahead.

00:09:13,929 --> 00:09:15,556

He'll run out of energy soon.

00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:27,901

Mom.

00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:29,820

Mo-o-o-o-m!

00:09:29,945 --> 00:09:31,989

Here. Why don't you try it now?

Take your son.

00:09:32,114 --> 00:09:33,991

Mom, seriously,

people are seeing me!

00:09:34,116 --> 00:09:35,325

Good.

Just keep your confidence.

00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:36,952

Shoulders back,

eyes straight ahead.

00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,662

The child can pick up

on that confidence

00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:40,747

and learn he's supposed to

follow you, not lead you.

00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:42,124

Mom, don't you love me?

00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:43,959

Can't you see I'm unhappy

right now?

00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,335

- Tsst!

- Mom!

00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:47,963

Good, Mrs. Cartman.

Very good!

00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:52,384

And now back to

"The Dog Whisperer."

00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:56,471

It is important to understand

that dogs run in packs.

00:09:56,597 --> 00:10:00,642

And one dog is always

dominant -- the pack leader.

00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,311

God damn it!

Stop ignoring me!

00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:06,523

You must assert yourself as pack

leader with dominant energy.

00:10:06,648 --> 00:10:08,400

- All right!

- This is abuse!

00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:10,902

I'm a child,

and I'm entitled to attention!

00:10:11,028 --> 00:10:12,487

- Tsst!

- Quit it, Mom!

00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:14,823

It doesn't seem to work as well

when I do it.

00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:18,243

Okay. Let me show you how

to express the dominant energy.

00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:19,953

What I have done

is I have brought over

00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:22,289

some Kentucky Fried Chicken.

00:10:22,414 --> 00:10:23,457

Ooh.

Colonel?

00:10:23,582 --> 00:10:24,958

I am going to eat first,

00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:26,627

because that is what

the pack leader does.

00:10:26,752 --> 00:10:28,879

Gim-- Gimme the chicken.

Gimme some chicken!

00:10:29,004 --> 00:10:30,547

- Tsst!

- What are you doing?

00:10:30,672 --> 00:10:32,591

I want chicken!

Gimme some goddamn chicken!

00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:35,135

I am not going to acknowledge

the child's attempt

00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:36,803

at aggressive,

dominant behavior.

00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:38,096

Now you eat the chicken.

00:10:38,221 --> 00:10:39,681

Mom, gimme --

gimme some chicken.

00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:40,849

I want some chicken, Mom!

00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,894

We won't reward him until he's

in a calm, submissive behavior.

00:10:44,019 --> 00:10:45,896

God damn it!

I am not a dog!

00:10:46,021 --> 00:10:47,606

Gimme the chicken.

G-Gimme the chicken.

00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:48,607

I want the chicken.

Chicken!

00:10:48,732 --> 00:10:50,567

Gimme chicken! Gimme chicken!

Gimme chicken! Gimme chicken!

00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:53,695

We need him to become relaxed

and submissive.

00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,365

Okay. I'm fine.

I'm cool now.

00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:58,033

May I have some chicken, please?

00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,826

Oh, very good, sweetie.

00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:01,203

No. No.

Now he's lying.

00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:03,830

You can tell from his stance

he's still aggressive-dominant.

00:11:03,955 --> 00:11:06,083

Suck my asshole, taco bender!

00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:07,209

- See?

- God damn it!

00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,503

You can't stand here

and eat KFC in front of me!

00:11:09,628 --> 00:11:10,629

- Now hand it over!

- Tsst!

00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:12,673

You can't do that to me!

I-- God damn it! This --

00:11:12,798 --> 00:11:13,965

Tsst!

00:11:14,091 --> 00:11:15,967

Eh. Eh.

00:11:17,928 --> 00:11:20,889

I am not being aggressive.

I am being dominant.

00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,517

Wow.

I have a lot to learn.

00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:26,144

Mom, I'm serious.

This has gone on long enough.

00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:29,481

Get that guy out of here

and give me a piece of chicken.

00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:32,025

That's how you want it, bitch?

Fine!

00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,904

I hate you!

I'm running away!

00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:36,988

Oh, dear.

00:11:37,114 --> 00:11:39,408

That's okay. This is all part

of the dominant struggle.

00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:40,951

But what if he does run away?

00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:42,285

Let him go.

He'll be back.

00:11:42,411 --> 00:11:44,204

This is a good opportunity

for you to relax

00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:46,039

and enjoy your favorite hobby.

00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:49,626

Oh, boy! Park Avenue!

I'm rich!

00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:54,423

Hey, guys.

I've got some pretty big news.

00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:56,341

I ran away from home.

00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:58,343

Yeah.

00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:01,304

My mom just doesn't care about

me anymore, so I moved out.

00:12:01,430 --> 00:12:03,265

She didn't even try to stop me.

00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:06,476

It's gonna be tough living on

my own, but I'll get by somehow.

00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:08,145

You can't stay here.

00:12:08,270 --> 00:12:10,313

Maybe you didn't hear me.

I ran away.

00:12:10,439 --> 00:12:12,482

I don't have anywhere to sleep.

I'm out on the streets.

00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:14,484

You're not staying at my house

either.

00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:15,819

All right.

That's fine.

00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:17,195

- Butters, I'll crash with you.

- No.

00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:20,031

My parents won't let me bring

homeless people home anymore.

00:12:20,157 --> 00:12:22,033

Well, what do you guys

expect me to do?

00:12:22,159 --> 00:12:24,244

Stay at Kenny's house?

His family is totally poor!

00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:26,413

I'm not staying

with poor people!

00:12:27,456 --> 00:12:29,958

All right. I'll stay with Kenny.

Let's go, man.

00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,752

- Mrph rmh.

- Ugh!

00:12:31,877 --> 00:12:35,630

Well, I guess now we see just

how supportive friends can be.

00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:37,799

When the chips are down,

you won't even lend a hand!

00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:40,552

I'll just go sleep on the street

somewhere, out in the cold.

00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:43,513

Probably get mugged and

gang-raped by some minorities.

00:12:43,638 --> 00:12:47,017

You guys will be sorry

when I turn up dead!

00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:50,187

Whoopie!

J&R Railroad!

00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:53,899

Hey, Jimmy, you're not

gonna believe this,

00:12:54,024 --> 00:12:56,151

but I ran away from home.

00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,111

I just --

I really need the support

00:12:58,236 --> 00:13:00,030

of my best friend right now.

00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:02,324

Who's your best friend?

00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:04,826

You are, Jimmy!

We've always been best friends!

00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:07,037

We know everything

about each other!

00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:09,915

What's my last name?

00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,002

God damn it.

00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:18,173

Craig. Dude.

I ran away from home.

00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,800

You're the first person

I came to.

00:13:19,925 --> 00:13:21,676

I knew you'd take me in

off the streets.

00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:24,471

But I hate you.

00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:27,974

Should that really matter

at a time like this?

00:13:31,061 --> 00:13:33,021

This is bullcrap!

00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:36,066

Mom will break soon.

I can outlast her.

00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:41,905

All right.

I'm back.

00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:44,366

Oh, Eric!

I'm so happy you're home!

00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,117

Yes. Well, hopefully

you've learned your lesson.

00:13:46,243 --> 00:13:47,118

I've come back,

00:13:47,244 --> 00:13:48,954

but there's going to be

some changes around here.

00:13:49,079 --> 00:13:50,121

Look what I did, Eric.

00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:51,998

I learned how to make

sumi-e paintings!

00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:54,084

I'd almost forgotten

how artistic I was.

00:13:54,209 --> 00:13:55,502

That's super interesting,

00:13:55,627 --> 00:13:58,255

but I've been out living on the

streets for almost four hours.

00:13:58,380 --> 00:13:59,422

Make me something to eat.

00:13:59,548 --> 00:14:00,465

Cesar!

00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:01,758

How's the painting going?

00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:02,968

Oh, God damn it!

00:14:03,093 --> 00:14:04,177

Oh, look.

It came back.

00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:05,679

Yep.

Just like you said he would.

00:14:05,804 --> 00:14:07,055

What is he still doing here?

00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:08,765

He said he's hungry.

What should I do?

00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:10,392

Let's feed it.

00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:12,394

What the hell is this?

00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:15,397

Skinless chicken,

boiled vegetables, and salad?!

00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:16,898

This is just like Auschwitz!

00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:19,484

This is more aggressive,

dominant behavior.

00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:20,527

Don't nurture it.

00:14:20,652 --> 00:14:23,029

Oh, my God.

Bite-size Snickers?

00:14:23,154 --> 00:14:23,864

That's it.

00:14:23,989 --> 00:14:27,075

I'm calling

child protective services!

00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,619

Come on, Mrs. Cartman.

You must become pack leader.

00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:30,620

What do you do?

00:14:30,745 --> 00:14:32,163

Eric, if you don't want to eat,

00:14:32,289 --> 00:14:34,583

then why don't you just go

brush your teeth and go to bed?

00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:36,126

No.

You're asking him a favor.

00:14:36,251 --> 00:14:38,003

Don't ask a favor.

Dominate.

00:14:38,587 --> 00:14:40,505

Mom, I want this guy

out of here! You got it?!

00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,007

If he's not gone in two minutes,

00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:44,259

I will call social services

on you!

00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,136

You project the dominant energy,

00:14:46,261 --> 00:14:48,555

and he will pick up on it,

I promise.

00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,682

Shoulders back, head high.

00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:53,435

Don't reason with it.

Don't argue with it.

00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,186

Just dominate it.

00:14:55,312 --> 00:14:57,522

I am your son,

and you will listen to me!

00:14:57,647 --> 00:14:58,857

- You have no right to --

- Tsst!

00:14:58,982 --> 00:14:59,900

Mom, knock it off!

00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:01,192

- I'm not gonna stand for --

- Tsst!

00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:02,611

- Seriously, Mom --

- Tsst!

00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:04,404

This is --

Why are you doing this?

00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:05,614

- Tsst! Tsst!

- Mom!

00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:08,575

Ma...Ma...

00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:10,994

I did it!

00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:16,333

You see? You were calm,

assertive, and in control.

00:15:20,128 --> 00:15:22,255

Oh!

Oh, my gosh!

00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:24,883

See? This is the behavior

we've been looking for.

00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:26,927

This is a relaxed,

submissive state.

00:15:27,052 --> 00:15:29,304

- He's never done this before.

- Good.

00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:32,140

Now you can reward the behavior

with praise and attention.

00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:34,017

I love you very much,

poopsiekins.

00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:37,103

You're Mommy's sunshine.

00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:38,605

Now you can give him a snack.

00:15:41,775 --> 00:15:42,943

Good.

This is really good.

00:15:43,068 --> 00:15:44,361

Now try a command.

00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:47,197

Eric, I want you to go upstairs

and brush your teeth.

00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:50,533

Then I'll be up

to read you a story before bed.

00:15:56,915 --> 00:15:59,209

Oh, my goodness.

I can't believe it.

00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:00,669

This is a great first step.

00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:03,630

But you're going to have to stay

firm and confident.

00:16:03,755 --> 00:16:05,340

You are the pack leader now.

00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:06,883

I am the pack leader!

00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:08,635

Now, before you go

read your son a story,

00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,387

let's go enjoy a nice,

quiet cup of tea.

00:16:10,512 --> 00:16:11,972

Sounds divine.

00:16:12,681 --> 00:16:15,642

Who does she think she is

telling me to go brush my teeth?

00:16:21,773 --> 00:16:25,235

Jesus.

What's happening to me?

00:16:29,364 --> 00:16:31,700

So, how is your son doing,

Mrs. Cartman?

00:16:31,825 --> 00:16:33,451

Oh, he's been amazing, Cesar.

00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:35,412

He got an "A"

on his last spelling test

00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:37,080

and a B-plus in history.

00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:39,249

He's losing weight,

and he's doing what I tell him.

00:16:39,374 --> 00:16:40,291

That's great!

00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:43,128

The best part is I'm not letting

him boss me around anymore.

00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:45,338

I could have never come out

and had a nice lunch

00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:47,716

on a Saturday afternoon

with a friend before!

00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:48,633

Good, Mrs. Cartman.

00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:50,385

Sounds like you're treating

your son like a son

00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:51,720

and not like a friend.

00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:53,346

There's just one problem.

00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:55,640

He still fights me

every step of the way.

00:16:55,765 --> 00:16:58,018

I feel like he's doing

what I tell him

00:16:58,143 --> 00:17:01,688

but that inside he's still

the same angry, spoiled child.

00:17:01,813 --> 00:17:02,605

Don't worry.

00:17:02,731 --> 00:17:03,940

When you correct the behavior,

00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:07,068

eventually you will see a change

in the personality.

00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:10,321

Oh, Cesar, I'm so happy

to have you in my life.

00:17:14,784 --> 00:17:15,827

Guys, listen up.

00:17:15,952 --> 00:17:17,412

I really need your help

this time.

00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:18,913

I've thought about it a lot,

00:17:19,039 --> 00:17:21,541

and I've decided

I have to kill my mom.

00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:22,834

Kill your mom?

00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:24,836

She doesn't let me wear

whatever I want anymore.

00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:26,463

Things have really gotten

out of hand.

00:17:26,588 --> 00:17:28,423

My mom must die

so I can have a place to live,

00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,091

but without her trying to run

my life.

00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:32,510

She's like Hitler

with all the demands she makes.

00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:33,595

Dude, have you lost more weight?

00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,680

Yes!

I've lost almost 10 pounds now!

00:17:35,805 --> 00:17:36,681

You see what I mean?

00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:39,184

I totally know how it felt to be

a Jew in the Holocaust now.

00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:41,352

I have to kill my mom.

It's my only way out.

00:17:41,478 --> 00:17:43,229

Dude, don't kill your mom.

That's not cool.

00:17:43,354 --> 00:17:44,397

She's Hitler.

00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:46,274

Would you have killed Hitler

if you had the chance?

00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:47,442

All right.

Now, here's the plan.

00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,486

At 9:45 tonight,

I will sneak out of my room

00:17:49,611 --> 00:17:51,446

and leave the house,

leaving the back door unlocked.

00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:54,074

You guys come into the house

at 10:30 p.m. sharp,

00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:55,700

having given me enough time

to get down to Perkins

00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:57,035

and be seen by everyone there.

00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,120

And then all four of you

go upstairs to kill my mom.

00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:00,955

Dude, we're not killing

your mom.

00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:03,166

Well, I can't kill her.

I'm too obvious a suspect.

00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:05,085

When you reach her room,

Butters will keep a lookout

00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:06,419

while Kenny opens

the bedroom door,

00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:07,796

Kyle puts a pillow

over my mom's head,

00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:09,255

and Stan shoots her in the face.

00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:10,548

Where am I supposed to get

a gun?

00:18:10,673 --> 00:18:12,217

Well, I don't know.

That's your job, Stan!

00:18:12,342 --> 00:18:13,551

Do I have to think of everything

here?

00:18:13,676 --> 00:18:14,844

I'm not shooting anybody.

00:18:14,969 --> 00:18:17,055

Okay. Fine. Butters, you cover

my mom's head with a pillow.

00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:19,390

- Kyle can shoot her in the face.

- No, Cartman!

00:18:19,516 --> 00:18:21,059

Oh. Well, how about

I just do everything?

00:18:21,184 --> 00:18:22,769

How does that sound?

I'll just do everything

00:18:22,894 --> 00:18:24,354

while you guys sit here

and play video games!

00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:28,233

Fine!

I'll do it by myself!

00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,374

You forced me to do this.

00:18:44,499 --> 00:18:46,376

You couldn't just love me

as a son.

00:18:47,252 --> 00:18:50,213

You just had to humiliate

and degrade me with your rules.

00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:53,466

I won't let you dominate

my life anymore.

00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:55,635

Goodbye, Mother.

00:18:58,596 --> 00:18:59,973

Wait.

00:19:00,098 --> 00:19:01,724

Maybe...

00:19:01,850 --> 00:19:04,561

Maybe I don't have the right

to kill my mom.

00:19:04,686 --> 00:19:06,062

No!

She's my mom.

00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:07,480

I can do whatever I want

with her!

00:19:07,605 --> 00:19:10,024

It's more important

I live the way I want!

00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:12,318

She isn't an object you can own.

She's a human being.

00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:14,654

She isn't an object I can own.

S-She's a human being.

00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:17,115

No! Kill her!

No! She's making you suffer!

00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:20,410

Maybe all these changes are good

for me.

00:19:20,535 --> 00:19:21,661

Maybe...

00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:24,372

The world doesn't revolve

around me?

00:19:25,415 --> 00:19:29,085

Maybe the world doesn't revolve

around me.

00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:37,510

The...world doesn't revolve

around me!

00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:40,138

Aah!

00:19:41,973 --> 00:19:44,726

Aaaaah!

00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:46,352

Aaaaah!

00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:06,039

Why, Eric!

You made your own breakfast!

00:20:06,164 --> 00:20:08,499

Yeah, Mom. It's okay.

It's grapefruit and lean ham.

00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:10,501

And you're studying

before school?

00:20:10,627 --> 00:20:12,629

Well, you told me

I had to review my homework

00:20:12,754 --> 00:20:13,838

before class started.

00:20:14,964 --> 00:20:17,634

Oh, Eric.

I'm very proud of you.

00:20:17,759 --> 00:20:19,928

T-Thank you?

00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:21,221

I love you, sweetie.

00:20:21,346 --> 00:20:23,056

Okay, Mom.

You're embarrassing me. Geez!

00:20:26,601 --> 00:20:29,312

Cesar, I'm so happy you're back!

00:20:29,437 --> 00:20:30,605

How is the child doing?

00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,023

Oh, he's amazing.

00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:34,484

I think the change

in personality happened.

00:20:34,609 --> 00:20:36,152

He's doing things

for himself now,

00:20:36,277 --> 00:20:37,820

and he seems to be accepting it.

00:20:37,946 --> 00:20:40,907

I've lost a best friend,

but I've gained a son.

00:20:41,032 --> 00:20:42,408

That's much healthier for him.

00:20:42,533 --> 00:20:45,036

And when he gets older, he'll

be able to be your friend, too.

00:20:45,161 --> 00:20:46,371

You're the best, Cesar.

00:20:46,496 --> 00:20:49,332

And to show my gratitude, I've

got two tickets for you and me

00:20:49,457 --> 00:20:51,584

to see "Madam Butterfly"

this Friday night.

00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:52,961

Well, no.

My work is done.

00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:54,545

I've got to get back

to Los Angeles.

00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:58,424

Oh. But I thought

we were becoming friends.

00:20:58,549 --> 00:21:00,301

No, not really.

You're just a client.

00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:03,346

Well, good luck to you.

Got to go!

00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:07,600

I cleared up the table, Mom.

00:21:07,725 --> 00:21:10,645

I'm gonna go upstairs

and make my bed now.

00:21:12,063 --> 00:21:14,482

Eric, how would you like

to go with me

00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,776

to see "Madam Butterfly"

Friday night?

00:21:16,901 --> 00:21:17,902

No, that's okay.

00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:19,153

Besides, I told Stan and Kyle

00:21:19,279 --> 00:21:20,738

we could work

on our science project then.

00:21:20,863 --> 00:21:22,240

Well, what if I took you

00:21:22,365 --> 00:21:24,617

to Kentucky Fried Chicken

afterward?

00:21:26,369 --> 00:21:29,247

And then we'll go to Target,

and I'll buy you a Megaranger.

00:21:30,373 --> 00:21:34,502

Could I perhaps have...

two Megarangers?

00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:38,298

Yes, darling.

You can have whatever you want.

00:00:36,683 --> 00:00:40,240

Миссис Картман, нас окончательно достало

поведение вашего сына, м-кей?

00:00:40,353 --> 00:00:43,663

Малыш Билли Тернер проходит курс лечения в больнице!

00:00:43,693 --> 00:00:46,503

Эрик, зачем ты так поступаешь?

00:00:46,533 --> 00:00:50,593

Простите, что приковал лодыжку Билли Тернера

наручниками к школьному флагштоку.

00:00:50,623 --> 00:00:52,113

Ты ведь знаешь, что дело не в этом!

00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:56,243

Ну ладно, простите, что приковал Билли Тернера к флагштоку

и дал ему ножовку.

00:00:56,273 --> 00:00:58,293

А потом сказал ему,

что подбросил яду в его молоко на обеде...

00:00:58,333 --> 00:01:00,943

а единственный способ вовремя получить противоядие -

отпилить себе ногу.

00:01:00,983 --> 00:01:02,453

Это очень плохо, Эрик.

00:01:02,493 --> 00:01:03,883

А он назвал меня щекастым!

00:01:03,923 --> 00:01:07,963

В школе мы пытались объяснить Эрику, что всему есть пределы, м-кей?

00:01:07,993 --> 00:01:09,533

Но, вообще-то мы полагаем...

00:01:09,573 --> 00:01:11,643

...что истоки его проблем с поведением находятся дома!

00:01:11,673 --> 00:01:14,583

Я знаю. Знаю, что он неуправляем.

00:01:14,613 --> 00:01:17,163

Но…вы не знаете, каково это.

00:01:19,963 --> 00:01:21,653

Простите.

00:01:21,693 --> 00:01:25,123

Но, кажется...он с каждым днём становится всё хуже.

00:01:25,163 --> 00:01:28,553

Он просто меня не слушается.

00:01:30,253 --> 00:01:32,283

Что, доволен, козлятина!

00:01:32,313 --> 00:01:33,643

Довёл мою мамулю до слёз!

00:01:33,683 --> 00:01:39,703

Это не он, это ты, Эрик.

Не знаю, что с тобой делать.

00:01:39,743 --> 00:01:41,893

Конечно, знаешь.

Ты - классная мама.

00:01:41,923 --> 00:01:44,353

Чья мама самая классная в мире?

00:01:44,393 --> 00:01:45,663

Моя.

00:01:45,693 --> 00:01:47,733

В сердце моём ты всех важнее.

00:01:47,763 --> 00:01:49,193

Да!

00:01:49,223 --> 00:01:54,533

Моя мама - лучшая, лучше твоей.

Вместе мы песню о ней.

00:01:54,563 --> 00:01:57,383

Миссис Картман, знаю, что это невероятно сложно...

00:01:57,423 --> 00:02:00,443

...но таким людям, как вы можно помочь.

00:02:00,483 --> 00:02:04,933

Вы когда-нибудь слышали о телешоу

под названием "Няня-01"

00:02:08,713 --> 00:02:10,943

Они - худший ночной кошмар всех родителей.

00:02:10,973 --> 00:02:12,903

Заткнись! Ненавижу тебя! Ненавижу!

00:02:12,943 --> 00:02:15,513

Детишки абсолютно неуправляемы.

00:02:15,553 --> 00:02:17,713

Смотрите, я на коньках, на коньках!

00:02:17,753 --> 00:02:20,873

Пора вызывать Няню-01.

00:02:22,903 --> 00:02:25,273

Мы собрали команду из нянь мирового класса...

00:02:25,313 --> 00:02:27,363

чтобы помогать семьям в критических ситуациях.

00:02:28,743 --> 00:02:31,553

Родители Америки, помощь уже в пути!

00:02:32,513 --> 00:02:33,643

Сегодня…

00:02:33,683 --> 00:02:36,183

Мам, дай еще один энергетический напиток!

00:02:36,223 --> 00:02:39,533

Этот восьмилетний ребенок матери-одиночки

не желает вести себя прилично.

00:02:39,573 --> 00:02:41,973

Wir mussen die Juden ausrotten!!

00:02:42,013 --> 00:02:45,523

И няня Стелла была выбрана, чтобы урезонить его.

00:02:45,563 --> 00:02:51,693

Няня Стелла покажет Эрику Картману,

что его фокусы терпеть больше никто не собирается!

00:02:56,243 --> 00:02:59,813

Мам, ты чё, оглохла?

Кто-то в дверь стучит!

00:02:59,853 --> 00:03:02,583

Да. Думаю, это няня, пупсик.

00:03:02,613 --> 00:03:04,863

Охренеть. Меня щас по телеку будут показывать.

00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:07,813

Здравствуйте. Я - няня Стелла.

00:03:07,843 --> 00:03:10,373

Спасибо вам огромное, что пришли.

Прошу, входите.

00:03:11,523 --> 00:03:13,553

А ты, должно быть, Эрик.

00:03:13,593 --> 00:03:15,203

Мам, я хочу пирожко.

00:03:15,233 --> 00:03:16,603

Хорошо, хорошо, дорогой мой.

00:03:16,633 --> 00:03:18,123

Погодите, миссис Картман.

00:03:18,163 --> 00:03:20,973

Правила у нас немного поменяются, Эрик.

00:03:21,013 --> 00:03:24,463

Во-первых, никаких видеоигр,

пока не сделана работа по дому.

00:03:26,793 --> 00:03:30,593

Я не шучу.

Давай отложим приставку и пройдем на кухню.

00:03:30,633 --> 00:03:32,463

Нет, спасибо.

Пожалуй, не стоит.

00:03:32,493 --> 00:03:34,733

Ладно. Тогда мне придется забрать её.

00:03:35,523 --> 00:03:36,723

Ты соображаешь, что делаешь?

00:03:36,763 --> 00:03:37,983

Идёмте.

00:03:38,013 --> 00:03:42,773

Приставка полежит на столе, пока мы не сделаем кое-какую работу.

00:03:42,813 --> 00:03:45,623

И первое, что мы сделаем - застелем кровать.

00:03:46,623 --> 00:03:49,263

Эрик, нет! Это неприемлемо!

00:03:49,293 --> 00:03:52,003

Харэ отбирать мою приставку, тварь жирная!

00:03:52,033 --> 00:03:54,773

Ну всё, с меня хватит!

Отправляешься на тайм-аут!

00:03:55,563 --> 00:03:56,453

Тайм-аут?

00:03:56,483 --> 00:04:00,643

За каждую проказу, Эрик,

будешь сидеть на этом стуле пять минут.

00:04:01,543 --> 00:04:04,363

А что, собственно, меня удерживает на этом стуле?

00:04:04,403 --> 00:04:06,213

Это тайм-аутный стул.

00:04:06,253 --> 00:04:08,303

Пока время не вышло - вставать с него нельзя!

00:04:09,843 --> 00:04:12,583

Ух-ты! Как это я смог?!

00:04:14,633 --> 00:04:17,263

Эрик, ты должен быть на тайм-ауте!

00:04:17,303 --> 00:04:18,843

Эээ, нет?

00:04:18,883 --> 00:04:20,763

Давай же, у тебя нет выбора.

00:04:20,793 --> 00:04:23,353

Ну ладно. Я не шучу - вот теперь ты начинаешь меня жутко злить.

00:04:23,393 --> 00:04:27,043

Эрик, ты должен меня выслушать. Это очень важно.

00:04:27,073 --> 00:04:30,893

Я опускаюсь до уровня глаз Эрика, чтобы поговорить с ним на его уровне.

00:04:30,923 --> 00:04:34,973

Эрик, ты должен понять, за что тебя наказывают. Ясно?

00:04:35,013 --> 00:04:36,983

Я слезу, как только ты отойдешь.

00:04:37,023 --> 00:04:40,003

Что ж, тогда я останусь прямо здесь.

00:04:41,933 --> 00:04:44,933

Он мне в рот плюнул!

00:04:44,973 --> 00:04:47,813

Да уж, лучше на его уровень не опускаться.

00:04:47,843 --> 00:04:50,543

Ну ладно! Я с таким уже сталкивалась!

00:04:50,583 --> 00:04:52,563

Нужно прибегнуть к психологии!

00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:57,063

Не теряй веры…

Чувство это храни…

00:04:57,103 --> 00:05:00,383

Эрик, я могу с тобой поговорить секундочку?

00:05:01,463 --> 00:05:03,343

Отчего ты такой злой?

00:05:03,383 --> 00:05:05,033

Потому, что ты забрала мою приставку.

00:05:05,063 --> 00:05:07,303

А может, дело не только в приставке?

00:05:07,333 --> 00:05:08,913

Может, ты злишься на меня...

00:05:08,943 --> 00:05:10,963

...так как думаешь, что я пришла, чтоб изменть твою жизнь?

00:05:11,003 --> 00:05:13,283

Ну..да.

00:05:13,323 --> 00:05:17,393

И ты чувствуешь, что я не в праве приходить и указывать тебе, как жить.

00:05:17,423 --> 00:05:19,583

Да, пожалуй.

00:05:19,623 --> 00:05:20,573

Видите?

00:05:20,603 --> 00:05:23,933

Нужно нахдить время, чтобы поговорить с детьми об их чувствах.

00:05:23,973 --> 00:05:25,573

А что ты еще чувствуешь, Эрик?

00:05:25,603 --> 00:05:28,573

Ну…я в замешательстве...

00:05:28,603 --> 00:05:30,793

...потому, что не пойму, зачем вы стали няней.

00:05:30,823 --> 00:05:35,283

Я?

Это потому, чт я люблю детей, таких, как ты.

00:05:35,323 --> 00:05:39,433

Да, но…если вы настолько любите детей,

то как случилось, что вы не стали мамой?

00:05:39,463 --> 00:05:41,873

У меня нет детей.

00:05:41,903 --> 00:05:43,263

Почему нет?

00:05:44,333 --> 00:05:46,253

Так…получилось.

00:05:46,283 --> 00:05:48,363

Вы стерильны, дело ведь в этом?

00:05:48,393 --> 00:05:51,513

Нет, это слишком удобно, как для оправдания.

00:05:51,553 --> 00:05:54,153

Правда в том, что никто никогда не хотел заводить с вами детей.

00:05:54,183 --> 00:05:54,993

В этом всё дело?

00:05:55,033 --> 00:05:57,223

Постоянная мамина помощница, так и не ставшая матерью?

00:05:57,263 --> 00:06:01,943

Должно быть, тяжело для вас осознавать,

что годы летят, друзья все переженились

00:06:01,973 --> 00:06:06,993

а в это время ваша матка сморщивается и усыхает,

становясь абсолютно бесполезной.

00:06:07,023 --> 00:06:10,933

Ах ты…мелкий гадёныш!

00:06:10,973 --> 00:06:12,513

Да как ты смеешь!?

00:06:12,543 --> 00:06:13,693

Эрик, нехорошо.

00:06:13,733 --> 00:06:15,443

Что же это за чудовище должно…

00:06:15,473 --> 00:06:16,933

Да, не держите в себе гнев!

00:06:16,963 --> 00:06:18,143

Стукните меня о пол, пока вы в состоянии!

00:06:18,183 --> 00:06:20,613

Но это не сделает ваши усохшие яичники

ни капли более плодоносящими!

00:06:20,653 --> 00:06:22,693

С меня хватит! Я отказываюсь от задания!

00:06:22,723 --> 00:06:24,583

Но нам очень нужна помощь.

00:06:24,613 --> 00:06:27,913

Найдите другую няню…из телешоу!

00:06:28,853 --> 00:06:31,693

Далее в программе - Супер-Няня!

00:06:31,723 --> 00:06:34,943

Там, гда другие няни не справляются, няне Джо всё удаётся.

00:06:45,533 --> 00:06:48,333

Поведение этого ребенка абсолютно непреемлимо!

00:06:50,873 --> 00:06:53,643

Слишком трудных испытаний для Супер-Няни не бывает.

00:06:53,673 --> 00:06:57,143

Всего через три дня вы увидите нового Эрика Картмана!

00:06:57,913 --> 00:07:01,133

ТРИ ДНЯ СПУСТЯ…

00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:06,353

Боюсь, Супер-Няня находится в состоянии

глубокого душевного психоза.

00:07:06,393 --> 00:07:07,363

В смысле?

00:07:07,393 --> 00:07:11,313

В смысле, большую часть времени она проводит в рыданиях

и поедании собственных экскрементов.

00:07:16,183 --> 00:07:19,503

Исчадие ада!

Это исчадие ада!

00:07:20,313 --> 00:07:21,373

О, господи.

00:07:21,413 --> 00:07:24,883

Не знаю, что еще можно предпринять

для решения проблем с поведением сына.

00:07:24,923 --> 00:07:28,143

Мы были на уже на всех реалити-шоу про нянь.

00:07:28,183 --> 00:07:32,043

Что ж…есть еще одно шоу, которое вы могли бы попробовать.

00:07:33,593 --> 00:07:34,333

ЗАКЛИНАТЕЛЬ СОБАК

00:07:34,373 --> 00:07:36,233

Когда хорошие собаки начинают вести себя нехорошо...

00:07:36,273 --> 00:07:38,193

...есть только один человек,

который для них будет лучшим другом.

00:07:38,233 --> 00:07:40,103

Сезар Миллан.

00:07:40,133 --> 00:07:42,733

Для меня не существует собак,

с которыми невозможно справиться.

00:07:42,763 --> 00:07:45,763

Я перевоспитываю собак, я обучаю людей.

00:07:45,803 --> 00:07:47,933

Я - заклинатель собак.

00:07:50,683 --> 00:07:52,693

Прошу, входите.

00:07:52,723 --> 00:07:56,343

Расскажите, какие трудности у вас возникли с ребенком.

00:07:56,373 --> 00:07:58,483

Ну..он…неуправляем.

00:07:58,523 --> 00:08:01,543

Он меня совсем не слушает,

и постоянно мной командует.

00:08:01,573 --> 00:08:04,963

Значит, ребенку нужно усвоить,

что он не самая важная персона в доме.

00:08:04,993 --> 00:08:07,583

Можешь у меня за спиной не говорить.

Я здесь, чудила.

00:08:07,613 --> 00:08:10,333

Видите, я не смотрю на ребенка,

я не признаю ребенка...

00:08:10,373 --> 00:08:12,553

я даю ребенку понять, что он меня не интересует.

00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:13,793

Не интересую?

00:08:13,833 --> 00:08:17,133

Понимаете, ребенок полагает, что ваш мир вращается вокруг него

как само сабой разумеющееся.

00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:19,543

Потому, что всё, что он делает находит в вас ответную реакцию.

00:08:19,583 --> 00:08:20,283

Да, не вижу, почему бы…

00:08:20,323 --> 00:08:20,943

Тссс.

00:08:20,983 --> 00:08:21,773

Эй!

00:08:21,783 --> 00:08:23,233

Не смотрите на ребенка, смотрите только на меня.

00:08:23,273 --> 00:08:25,123

Дайте ему понять, что мы беседуем.

00:08:25,153 --> 00:08:25,723

Мам, этот тип не…

00:08:25,763 --> 00:08:26,363

Тссс.

00:08:26,393 --> 00:08:27,263

Ай! Хорош уже!

00:08:27,303 --> 00:08:28,413

А что такое вы делаете?

00:08:28,453 --> 00:08:31,183

Собаки показывают своё превосходство,

покусывая друг друга за шею.

00:08:31,223 --> 00:08:32,483

Но с детьми это работает в той же степени хорошо.

00:08:32,513 --> 00:08:34,753

При помощи двух пальцев я щипаю ребенка за шею.

00:08:34,793 --> 00:08:36,623

Ему не больно, но он понимает, что я - главный.

00:08:36,663 --> 00:08:38,543

Послушай, мексиканишка, если ты и в правду думаешь, что можешь…

00:08:38,573 --> 00:08:38,873

Тссс.

00:08:38,913 --> 00:08:39,853

ЗАВЯЗЫВАЙ!

00:08:39,893 --> 00:08:40,483

Тссс.

00:08:40,513 --> 00:08:44,973

Видите, я не отвечаю на его плохое поведение ни негативно ни позитивно.

00:08:45,013 --> 00:08:46,493

Очень интересно.

00:08:46,523 --> 00:08:49,703

Думаю, первое, чем следует с ним заняться - это физические упражнения.

00:08:49,743 --> 00:08:51,343

Он жирный и полон всей этой энергией сдерживания, которую…

00:08:51,383 --> 00:08:51,613

Я не жирный!

00:08:51,653 --> 00:08:54,423

Тссс. …нужно позволить ему сжечь. Вы гуляете с сыном?

00:08:54,463 --> 00:08:55,903

Нет, не гуляю.

00:08:55,943 --> 00:08:57,683

Давайте его прогуляем.

00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:02,273

Эй! По-твоему это смешно, гад?

00:09:02,303 --> 00:09:03,233

Давайте еще раз повторим.

00:09:03,273 --> 00:09:06,383

Гуляю здесь я. Здесь всё ради меня, и ребенку повезло в том,

что он идет рядом.

00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:07,973

Мам, это унизительно!

00:09:08,013 --> 00:09:08,533

Тссс.

00:09:08,563 --> 00:09:10,033

Ай! Твою мать!

00:09:12,213 --> 00:09:15,483

Не смотрите на него, смотрите прямо перед собой,

и скоро вся его энергия закончится.

00:09:17,463 --> 00:09:29,353

Мааа. Мам. Мааам.

00:09:29,393 --> 00:09:32,093

Почему бы вам теперь не попробовать. Берите сына.

00:09:32,133 --> 00:09:34,443

Мам, правда, на меня ведь люди смотрят!

00:09:34,483 --> 00:09:34,863

Хорошо.

00:09:34,893 --> 00:09:37,183

Держитесь уверенно, плечи назад, глаза смотрят прямо вперед.

00:09:37,223 --> 00:09:41,023

Ребенок почувствует эту уверенность, и поймет,

что он идёт за вами, а не ведёт вас.

00:09:41,063 --> 00:09:44,003

Мам, ты меня разве не любишь?

Ты не видишь, что я совсем несчастный?

00:09:44,043 --> 00:09:44,683

Тссс.

00:09:44,723 --> 00:09:45,573

Мам!

00:09:45,613 --> 00:09:47,483

Хорошо, мисс Картман. Очень хорошо!

00:09:49,473 --> 00:09:52,523

А теперь снова - Заклинатель Собак.

00:09:52,614 --> 00:09:56,624

Очень важно понять, что собаки ходят стаей.

00:09:56,664 --> 00:10:00,984

И всегда одна собака будет главной - вожаком стаи.

00:10:01,014 --> 00:10:02,984

Вашу ж мать! Харэ меня игнорировать!

00:10:03,014 --> 00:10:06,934

Вы должны объявить себя вожаком при помощи доминантной энергии.

00:10:06,964 --> 00:10:07,874

Здорово!

00:10:07,904 --> 00:10:11,214

Это жестокое обращение!

Я - ребенок и имею право на внимание!

00:10:11,254 --> 00:10:11,824

Тссс.

00:10:11,854 --> 00:10:12,764

Завязывай, мам!

00:10:12,804 --> 00:10:15,384

Похоже, когда я это делаю, то получается не так хорошо.

00:10:15,414 --> 00:10:18,404

Ладно, давайте покажу, как выразить доминантную энергию.

00:10:18,444 --> 00:10:22,214

Что я сделал - так это купил курятины в Кентакки Фрайд Чикен.

00:10:22,244 --> 00:10:23,724

О, у Полковника?

00:10:23,764 --> 00:10:27,134

Я буду есть первым, потому, что так поступает вожак.

00:10:27,174 --> 00:10:29,304

Дай, дай курятинки.

Дай курятинки.

00:10:29,334 --> 00:10:29,854

Тссс.

00:10:29,884 --> 00:10:33,074

Эй, ты чё делаешь? Я хочу курятины!

Дай мне этой грёбанной курятины!

00:10:33,104 --> 00:10:37,304

Я не буду признавать эту попытку ребенка

к агрессивному доминантному поведению.

00:10:37,344 --> 00:10:38,454

Теперь вы ешьте курицу.

00:10:38,494 --> 00:10:41,354

Мам, дай, дай курятины.

Хочу курятины, мам!

00:10:41,384 --> 00:10:44,564

Не будем поощрять его, до тех пор,

пока он не станет вести себя спокойно и послушно.

00:10:44,604 --> 00:10:46,264

Бляха-муха!

Я вам не собака!

00:10:46,304 --> 00:10:48,244

Дайте курятины.

Дайте, дайте, дайте курятины.

00:10:48,284 --> 00:10:49,214

Хочу курятины!

Курятины!

00:10:49,244 --> 00:10:50,934

Дайте курятины! Дайте курятины! Дайте курятины! Дайте курятины!

00:10:50,974 --> 00:10:54,094

Нам нужно, чтобы он успокоился и подчинился.

00:10:54,134 --> 00:10:56,834

Ладно. Я в норме. Теперь я спокоен.

00:10:56,864 --> 00:10:58,584

А можно мне чуток курятинки, пожалуйста?

00:10:58,614 --> 00:11:00,294

Очень хорошо, сладенький.

00:11:00,334 --> 00:11:04,204

Нет, он лжет.

По его позе можно понять, что он агрессивно-доминантен.

00:11:04,234 --> 00:11:06,384

Оближи мне жопу, продавец тако!

00:11:06,424 --> 00:11:07,244

Видите?

00:11:07,284 --> 00:11:10,924

Твою мать, нельзя же так стоять передо мной

и жрать курятину! Отдайте!

00:11:10,964 --> 00:11:11,324

Тссс.

00:11:11,364 --> 00:11:12,194

Ну нельзя же так со мной, я…

00:11:12,224 --> 00:11:12,684

Тссс.

00:11:12,724 --> 00:11:13,444

Мать вашу, вы просто…

00:11:13,474 --> 00:11:13,824

Тссс.

00:11:13,854 --> 00:11:15,754

Серьёзно! Ээээ…Эээ…

00:11:18,614 --> 00:11:21,374

Я не веду себя агрессивно.

Я просто доминирую.

00:11:21,404 --> 00:11:23,244

Ух-ты! Мне ещё учиться и учиться.

00:11:23,284 --> 00:11:26,574

Мам, я серьезно!

Что-то это уж слишком затянулось!

00:11:26,604 --> 00:11:28,834

Выгони нафиг этого типа и дай мне курочки!

00:11:30,714 --> 00:11:33,294

Вот так, значит, сука?!

Ну и хорошо!

00:11:33,334 --> 00:11:35,364

Ненавижу тебя!

Я убегаю из дому!

00:11:36,214 --> 00:11:37,504

О, боже.

00:11:37,534 --> 00:11:39,854

Всё нормально.

Это часть борьбы за превосходство.

00:11:39,894 --> 00:11:41,314

Но если он и вправду убежит.

00:11:41,344 --> 00:11:42,754

Да пускай.

Он вернется.

00:11:42,794 --> 00:11:45,894

Для вас это отличная возможность расслабиться

и насладиться своим любимым хобби.

00:11:46,994 --> 00:11:50,344

Вот это да! Парк Авеню!

Я богат!

00:11:50,384 --> 00:11:54,174

Привет, пацаны.

У меня довольно хреновые новости.

00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:57,104

Я сбежал из дому.

00:11:58,154 --> 00:12:01,734

Да, мать просто…перестала обо мне заботиться, так что я свалил.

00:12:01,774 --> 00:12:03,404

Она даже не пыталась меня остановить.

00:12:03,434 --> 00:12:06,884

Нелегко мне теперь придется. Но я как-нибудь справлюсь.

00:12:06,924 --> 00:12:08,314

Здесь тебе остаться нельзя.

00:12:08,354 --> 00:12:10,754

Может, вы не расслышали!

Я из дому сбежал!

00:12:10,794 --> 00:12:12,744

Мне спать негде!

Я оказался на улице!

00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:14,534

У меня в доме ты тоже не останешься.

00:12:14,574 --> 00:12:17,654

Ну и ладно!

Баттерс, я зависну у тебя.

00:12:17,684 --> 00:12:20,214

Нет, мне родители сказали,

чтобы я больше бомжей не водил.

00:12:20,254 --> 00:12:23,634

И что мне делать по-вашему?!

У Кенни жить?!

00:12:23,664 --> 00:12:25,954

Его предки бедные до безобразия.

Я не буду жить с бедняками!

00:12:27,984 --> 00:12:30,214

Ну ладно, буду жить у Кенни.

Пойдем, чувак.

00:12:30,244 --> 00:12:31,654

(Пошел на х…й)

00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:35,834

Ага, вот теперь видно, как могут друзья тебя поддержать!

00:12:35,864 --> 00:12:38,254

Чипсы сожрали и всех как ветром сдуло!

00:12:38,284 --> 00:12:40,904

Пойду и буду спать где-нибудь на улице!

На холодине!

00:12:40,934 --> 00:12:43,304

Возможно, ограбленный и изнасилованный

толпой каких-нибудь меньшинств!

00:12:43,344 --> 00:12:46,364

Вы еще пожалеете, когда выйдет так, что я подохну!

00:12:47,364 --> 00:12:49,944

Опаньки!

Железнодорожная компания!

00:12:51,974 --> 00:12:53,234

Привет, Джимми.

00:12:53,264 --> 00:12:55,984

Ты не поверишь, но…я сбежал из дома.

00:12:56,014 --> 00:12:59,824

И мне сейчас …очень нужна поддержка моего лучшего друга.

00:13:00,654 --> 00:13:02,514

А кто твой лучший друг?

00:13:02,544 --> 00:13:04,144

Ты, Джимми!

00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:06,864

Мы всегда были лучшими друзьями.

Мы всё знаем друг о друге.

00:13:07,904 --> 00:13:09,674

Какая у меня фамилия?

00:13:12,334 --> 00:13:13,924

Твою мать!

00:13:15,304 --> 00:13:18,534

Грэг, дружище, я убежал из дома.

00:13:18,574 --> 00:13:21,934

Ты первый, к кому я пришел.

Я знал, что ты не оставишь меня на улице.

00:13:22,864 --> 00:13:24,284

Но я тебя ненавижу.

00:13:25,424 --> 00:13:27,924

А это действительно важно сейчас, в такое время?

00:13:31,854 --> 00:13:36,144

Вот же ж дерьмо!

Мамуля скоро сломается. Я её перетерплю.

00:13:40,444 --> 00:13:41,784

Ну и ладно, я вернулся.

00:13:41,814 --> 00:13:44,704

Ой, Эрик, я так рада, что ты дома.

00:13:44,734 --> 00:13:49,414

Да, надеюсь, ты усвоила урок!

Я вернулся, но отныне здесь кое-что изменится.

00:13:49,454 --> 00:13:50,624

Смотри, что я сделала, Эрик.

00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:52,394

Я научилась рисовать в технике суми-е.

00:13:52,434 --> 00:13:54,654

А я ведь уже почти забыла, насколько была талантлива.

00:13:54,684 --> 00:13:58,704

Это супер-интересно.

Но я жил на улице почти целых четыре часа!

00:13:58,744 --> 00:13:59,974

Приготовь мне пожрать.

00:14:00,014 --> 00:14:00,934

Сезар…

00:14:00,964 --> 00:14:02,354

И как продвигается рисование?

00:14:02,394 --> 00:14:03,454

А, черт!

00:14:03,494 --> 00:14:04,824

О, смотрите, прибежал обратно.

00:14:04,854 --> 00:14:06,384

Ага, прямо как вы и сказали.

00:14:06,424 --> 00:14:07,714

А он что здесь делает до сих пор?

00:14:07,744 --> 00:14:09,274

Он сказал, что голоден.

Что мне делать?

00:14:09,304 --> 00:14:10,244

Что ж, давайте его покормим.

00:14:11,864 --> 00:14:12,884

Это что еще за херня?

00:14:12,914 --> 00:14:17,394

Курица без кожи, вареные овощи и салат??!

Прям как в Аушвитце!

00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:20,944

Это также агрессивно-доминантное поведение.

Не поощряйте его!

00:14:20,984 --> 00:14:23,274

Боже мой.

Сникерс размером на один зуб?

00:14:23,314 --> 00:14:26,354

С меня хватит.

Звоню в службу по защите детей!

00:14:26,384 --> 00:14:31,254

Давайте же, мисс Картман. Вы должны стать вожаком стаи.

Что вы предпримете?

00:14:31,284 --> 00:14:35,214

Эрик, раз ты не хочешь кушать,

то почему бы тебе не почистить зубы и не лечь спать?

00:14:35,244 --> 00:14:36,734

Нет! Вы просите об одолжении.

00:14:36,764 --> 00:14:38,384

Не просите об одолжении, а доминируйте!

00:14:38,424 --> 00:14:41,144

Мам, я хочу, чтобы этот тип ушёл!

Ясно?

00:14:41,174 --> 00:14:44,524

Если через две минуты он не уйдет,

я вызову социальную службу!

00:14:44,564 --> 00:14:48,854

Излучайте доминантную энергию, и он её воспримет.

Обещаю.

00:14:48,894 --> 00:14:53,964

Плечи назад, голову выше, не уговаривайте его, не спорьте с ним.

00:14:54,004 --> 00:14:55,574

Просто доминируйте.

00:14:55,614 --> 00:14:58,894

Я твой сын, и ты будешь меня слушать!

У тебя нет прав, чтобы….

00:14:58,934 --> 00:14:59,454

Тссс.

00:14:59,494 --> 00:15:00,904

Мам, прекращай!

Я не собираюсь терпеть…

00:15:00,944 --> 00:15:01,624

Тссс.

00:15:01,664 --> 00:15:02,484

Серьезно! Мам!

00:15:02,524 --> 00:15:03,214

Тссс.

00:15:03,244 --> 00:15:04,954

Серьезно! Зачем ты… это делаешь?

00:15:04,984 --> 00:15:05,464

Тссс.

00:15:05,494 --> 00:15:05,994

Мам?!

00:15:06,024 --> 00:15:07,854

Тссс.

Мам? Мам…

00:15:07,884 --> 00:15:10,064

Получилось!

00:15:12,324 --> 00:15:15,594

Видите? Вы спокойны, уверенны и всё контролируете.

00:15:20,624 --> 00:15:22,384

О…боже мой!

00:15:22,414 --> 00:15:25,194

Видите?

Вот такого поведения вы и добивались.

00:15:25,234 --> 00:15:27,494

Это состояние расслабления и подчинения.

00:15:27,534 --> 00:15:29,234

Раньше он такого никогда не делал.

00:15:29,274 --> 00:15:32,454

Отлично.

Теперь можете поощрить его поведение похвалой и вниманием.

00:15:32,494 --> 00:15:35,904

Я тебя очень-очень люблю, пупсичек.

Ты - мамочкина радость.

00:15:37,514 --> 00:15:39,084

Теперь можете дать ему корму.

00:15:42,194 --> 00:15:44,504

Хорошо, очень хорошо.

Теперь попробуйте покомандовать.

00:15:44,544 --> 00:15:47,754

Эрик, я хочу, чтобы ты поднялся наверх и почистил зубы.

00:15:47,794 --> 00:15:50,524

Потом поднимусь я, чтобы почитать тебе сказку перед сном.

00:15:57,114 --> 00:15:59,704

О, боже. Поверить не могу.

00:15:59,734 --> 00:16:04,104

Это отличный первый шаг,

но вам нужно оставаться твердой и уверенной.

00:16:04,144 --> 00:16:05,654

Теперь вы - вожак стаи.

00:16:05,684 --> 00:16:07,364

Я - вожак стаи!

00:16:07,394 --> 00:16:11,014

А теперь, перед тем, как пойдете читать сыну сказку,

давайте выпьем по доброй чашечке чая.

00:16:11,054 --> 00:16:12,324

Звучит божественно!

00:16:12,354 --> 00:16:15,514

Да что она себе возомнила - заставлять меня чистить зубы?!

00:16:22,014 --> 00:16:25,024

Господи Иисусе.

Что со мной происходит?

00:16:29,111 --> 00:16:31,771

И как ваш сын, мисс Картман?

00:16:31,801 --> 00:16:33,701

Оо, он меня удивляет, Сезар.

00:16:33,731 --> 00:16:37,131

Получил пять по правописанию

и четыре с плюсом по истории.

00:16:37,171 --> 00:16:39,361

Теряет вес и делает всё, что я ему говорю.

00:16:39,391 --> 00:16:40,411

Это же здорово!

00:16:40,441 --> 00:16:43,171

А самое лучшее - я теперь не позволяю ему мной командовать.

00:16:43,201 --> 00:16:47,471

Раньше я не могла куда-нибудь сходить с другом в Субботу

и отлично поужинать.

00:16:47,511 --> 00:16:48,811

Отлично, мисс Картман.

00:16:48,851 --> 00:16:51,811

Похоже, теперь вы обращаетесь с сыном как с сыном,

а не как с другом.

00:16:51,851 --> 00:16:55,871

Всего одна проблема: он продолжает бороться со мной на каждом шагу.

00:16:55,901 --> 00:17:02,031

Похоже, что он делает, что я говорю,

но внутри он всё тот же злой испорченный ребёнок.

00:17:02,071 --> 00:17:02,661

Не беспокойтесь.

00:17:02,691 --> 00:17:07,001

Если исправлено поведение, то со временем увидите изменения и в личности.

00:17:07,031 --> 00:17:09,841

О, Сезар.

Я так счастлива, что встретила вас.

00:17:13,721 --> 00:17:15,861

Пацаны, послушайте.

00:17:15,891 --> 00:17:17,271

На этот раз мне действительно нужна ваша помощь.

00:17:17,311 --> 00:17:21,001

Я много думал, и решил, что должен убить свою маму.

00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:22,711

Убить маму?

00:17:22,751 --> 00:17:26,311

Она больше не позволяет мне носить то, что я хочу.

Это полностью вышло из-под контроля!

00:17:26,341 --> 00:17:29,891

Мамуля должна помереть - и мне будет где жить,

но командовать мной она не сможет.

00:17:29,921 --> 00:17:32,201

Она как Гитлер, со всеми своими претензиями.

00:17:32,231 --> 00:17:33,711

Блин, ты что, ещё похудел?

00:17:33,741 --> 00:17:35,761

Да!

Я уже потерял почти три кило.

00:17:35,801 --> 00:17:36,801

Теперь понимаете, о чем я??

00:17:36,831 --> 00:17:39,021

Теперь я точно знаю, как это -

быть евреем во время Холокоста!

00:17:39,061 --> 00:17:41,381

Я должен убить мать.

Это для меня единственный выход.

00:17:41,421 --> 00:17:43,251

Не убивай маму. Это не здорово.

00:17:43,281 --> 00:17:46,101

Да она же Гитлер!

Ты убил бы Гитлера, если бы тебе выпала такая возможность?!

00:17:46,141 --> 00:17:47,341

Ладно, вот план.

00:17:47,371 --> 00:17:51,571

Сегодня, в 21.45 я тайком выйду из своей комнаты и покину дом,

оставив заднюю дверь незапертой.

00:17:51,611 --> 00:17:53,751

Вы, ребят, заходите в дом ровно в 22.30...

00:17:53,791 --> 00:17:56,981

чтобы дать мне достаточно времени добраться в Перкинс,

чтобы меня все там видели.

00:17:57,021 --> 00:17:59,321

Затем вы все четверо поднимаетесь по лестнице,

чтобы убить мою маму.

00:17:59,361 --> 00:18:00,921

Чувак, мы не будем убивать твою маму.

00:18:00,961 --> 00:18:03,141

Но я ведь не могу её убить.

Я - слишком очевидный подозреваемый.

00:18:03,171 --> 00:18:04,371

Когда доберётесь до её комнаты...

00:18:04,411 --> 00:18:06,631

...Баттерс останется на стрёме,

пока Кенни откроет дверь спальни

00:18:06,671 --> 00:18:09,221

...Кайл закроет её голову подушкой,

а Стэн выстрелит ей в лицо.

00:18:09,251 --> 00:18:10,681

А где я, по-твоему, пушку возьму?

00:18:10,711 --> 00:18:12,431

Откуда я знаю?

Это твоя забота, Стэн!

00:18:12,471 --> 00:18:13,711

Я что, должен здесь обо всём думать?!

00:18:13,751 --> 00:18:14,871

Я ни в кого стрелять не буду.

00:18:14,911 --> 00:18:18,271

Ладно. Баттерс, накроешь подушкой голову моей мамы,

а Кайл тогда выстрелит ей в лицо.

00:18:18,311 --> 00:18:19,401

НЕТ, КАРТМАН!

00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:22,001

Может, давайте я всё сделаю?!

Как вам это?!

00:18:22,041 --> 00:18:24,241

Я всё сделаю, пока вы будете сидеть здесь

и играть в видео-игры?!

00:18:25,131 --> 00:18:27,471

Ну и ладно!!!

Сам всё сделаю!!!

00:18:42,341 --> 00:18:46,581

Ты меня вынудила к этому!

Ты не могла меня просто любить, как сына.

00:18:46,611 --> 00:18:49,911

Обязательно нужно было меня оскорблять

и унижать своими правилами.

00:18:49,951 --> 00:18:52,251

Не дам тебе больше доминировать в моей жизни!

00:18:53,561 --> 00:18:55,081

Прощай, мать.

00:18:57,821 --> 00:19:03,871

Минуточку.

Может, у меня нет права убивать свою маму.

00:19:04,941 --> 00:19:07,571

Нет! Она моя мама, и я могу с ней делать, что захочу!

00:19:07,611 --> 00:19:09,161

Это тем более важно, что буду жить так, как хочу!

00:19:09,191 --> 00:19:12,181

Она не то, чем ты можешь владеть. Она - человек.

00:19:12,221 --> 00:19:14,661

Она не то, чем я могу владеть. Она - человек.

00:19:14,701 --> 00:19:17,271

Нет, она всего лишь причина твоих страданий!

00:19:17,301 --> 00:19:21,231

Эээ, может, все эти перемены мне на пользу. Может быть…

00:19:21,271 --> 00:19:23,701

Мир не крутится вокруг меня?

00:19:24,771 --> 00:19:28,241

Может, мир не крутится вокруг меня....

00:19:33,751 --> 00:19:37,121

Мир не крутится вокруг меня!

00:19:37,681 --> 00:19:40,391

Идиот!

00:20:01,531 --> 00:20:06,111

Эрик, ты сам себе завтрак приготовил…

00:20:06,141 --> 00:20:08,561

Да, мам, всё ОК.

Это грейпфрут и нежирная ветчина.

00:20:08,601 --> 00:20:10,511

И ты занимаешься перед школой?

00:20:10,551 --> 00:20:13,821

Ты ведь мне сказала,

что я должен повторить домашнюю работу перед занятиями.

00:20:13,851 --> 00:20:17,741

О, Эрик.

Я так тобой горжусь

00:20:17,771 --> 00:20:19,951

Спа..спасибо?

00:20:19,991 --> 00:20:21,491

Люблю тебя, сладенький.

00:20:21,531 --> 00:20:23,441

Да ладно, мам, ты меня засмущала, господи.

00:20:25,491 --> 00:20:29,101

Сезар!

Я так рада, что ты вернулся.

00:20:29,131 --> 00:20:30,541

И как ребёнок?

00:20:30,581 --> 00:20:34,501

Восхитительно!

Думаю, перемены в личности произошли.

00:20:34,541 --> 00:20:38,071

Он всё делает сам, и, похоже, принимает это как должное.

00:20:38,111 --> 00:20:40,911

Я потеряла лучшего друга, но зато обрела сына.

00:20:40,951 --> 00:20:45,041

Так для него гораздо лучше, а когда он подрастёт,

то сможет быть также и вашим другом.

00:20:45,081 --> 00:20:47,871

Ты лучше всех, Сезар, и, чтобы показать свою признательность...

00:20:47,901 --> 00:20:51,511

...я взяла два билета для тебя и меня на Мадам Баттерфляй,

на эту пятницу.

00:20:51,541 --> 00:20:54,541

Нет, моя работа окончена.

Мне нужно возвращаться в Лос-Анджелес.

00:20:54,571 --> 00:20:58,511

Но я думала, что мы становимся друзьями.

00:20:58,541 --> 00:21:00,351

Нет, не совсем.

Вы просто клиент.

00:21:00,391 --> 00:21:02,301

Что ж, удачи вам.

Мне пора.

00:21:05,451 --> 00:21:09,111

Я прибрал со стола, мам.

Мне нужно пойти наверх и убрать свою постель.

00:21:11,311 --> 00:21:16,431

Эрик, а ты не хочешь пойти со мной

на Мадам Батерфляй в пятницу?

00:21:16,461 --> 00:21:17,901

Нет, не стоит.

00:21:17,931 --> 00:21:20,741

Кроме того, я сказал Стэну и Кайлу,

что мы сможем в это время поработать над нашим научным проектом.

00:21:20,781 --> 00:21:24,261

А если я после этого свожу тебя в "Кентакки Фрайд Чикен"?

00:21:26,081 --> 00:21:29,151

А затем мы пойдём в универмаг и купим тебе Мега-Рэйнджера.

00:21:30,271 --> 00:21:34,011

А…может…двух Мега Рэйнджеров?

00:21:34,051 --> 00:21:37,781

Да, милый. Получишь всё, что захочешь.

00:21:44,811 --> 00:21:50,651

перевод, субтитры mulder

mulder@hotbox.ru

для southpark.org.ru

00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:13,723

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:13,848 --> 00:00:15,391

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:18,602

♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,312

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:20,438 --> 00:00:21,647

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:25,151

♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,276 --> 00:00:28,195

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:32,950

♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

00:00:34,326 --> 00:00:36,287

[ Bell rings ]

00:00:36,412 --> 00:00:40,041

Mrs. Cartman, we have had it

with your son's behavior, m'kay.

00:00:40,166 --> 00:00:43,461

Little Billy Turner is now

being treated at the hospital.

00:00:43,586 --> 00:00:46,255

Eric, why would you

do such a thing?

00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,883

I'm sorry I handcuffed

Billy Turner's ankle

00:00:49,008 --> 00:00:50,176

to the school flagpole.

00:00:50,301 --> 00:00:51,761

You know that's not the point!

00:00:51,886 --> 00:00:54,138

Okay, I'm sorry I handcuffed

Billy Turner's ankle

00:00:54,263 --> 00:00:56,265

to a flagpole

and then gave him a hacksaw...

00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,808

and then told him I had

poisoned his lunch milk

00:00:57,933 --> 00:00:59,393

and the only way he could get

to the antidote in time

00:00:59,518 --> 00:01:00,519

would be to saw through his leg.

00:01:00,644 --> 00:01:02,354

That's very naughty, Eric.

00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:03,731

Well, he called me chubby!

00:01:03,856 --> 00:01:06,150

We have tried at this school

to make Eric understand

00:01:06,275 --> 00:01:07,818

that there are boundaries,

m'kay.

00:01:07,943 --> 00:01:10,237

But frankly, we believe

his behavioral problems

00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:11,280

start at home.

00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:14,700

I know.

I know he's out of control.

00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:17,411

But you don't know

what it's like.

00:01:17,536 --> 00:01:20,206

[ Sobbing ]

00:01:20,331 --> 00:01:21,415

I'm sorry.

00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:25,419

It's just that he seems

to get worse every day.

00:01:25,544 --> 00:01:28,380

He just never listens!

00:01:28,506 --> 00:01:30,508

[ Sobbing ]

00:01:30,633 --> 00:01:33,844

Well, nice going, asshole.

You made my mom cry!

00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:37,223

It's not him.

It's you, Eric!

00:01:37,348 --> 00:01:39,725

I don't know what to do

with you.

00:01:39,850 --> 00:01:42,061

Sure you do.

You're a great mom!

00:01:42,186 --> 00:01:44,313

♪ Who's got the greatest mom

in the world? ♪

00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:45,564

♪ I do ♪

00:01:45,689 --> 00:01:47,566

♪ My mom is number one

in my heart ♪

00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:49,068

♪ It's true ♪

00:01:49,193 --> 00:01:51,529

♪ My mom's the best mom,

better than your mom ♪

00:01:51,654 --> 00:01:54,490

♪ Let's sing it together

in harmony ♪

00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:57,034

Mrs. Cartman, I know

this is extremely difficult,

00:01:57,159 --> 00:02:00,663

but there is help out there

for people like you.

00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:04,959

Have you ever heard of a show

called "Nanny 911"?

00:02:08,087 --> 00:02:10,714

MAN: They're every parent's

worst nightmare.

00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:12,550

Shut up!

I hate you! I hate you!

00:02:12,675 --> 00:02:15,469

Kids completely out of control.

00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:17,471

Look! I'm skating!

I'm skating!

00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:21,183

It's time to call "Nanny 911."

00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:25,354

We've gathered a team

of world-class nannies

00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:28,399

to help families in crisis.

00:02:28,524 --> 00:02:31,944

Parents of America,

help is on the way!

00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:33,445

Tonight...

00:02:33,571 --> 00:02:35,823

Mom, I need

another energy drink!

00:02:35,948 --> 00:02:39,368

This 8-year-old son of a single

parent just won't behave.

00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,704

[ Speaking German ]

00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:45,791

And Nanny Stella is selected

to set him straight!

00:02:45,916 --> 00:02:47,501

[ British accent ]

It's time for Nanny Stella

00:02:47,626 --> 00:02:48,586

to show Eric Cartman

00:02:48,711 --> 00:02:51,714

his ways are not going to be

tolerated anymore!

00:02:54,884 --> 00:02:56,886

[ Knock on door ]

00:02:57,011 --> 00:03:00,139

Mom, are you deaf?!

Somebody's at the door!

00:03:00,264 --> 00:03:02,683

Yes, I think it's the nanny,

poopsiekins.

00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:05,394

Killer. I'm gonna be on TV now.

[ Burps ]

00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:07,605

Hello!

I'm Nanny Stella!

00:03:07,730 --> 00:03:09,315

Oh, thank you so much

for coming.

00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:10,941

Please come in.

00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,485

And you must be Eric!

00:03:13,611 --> 00:03:14,862

Mom, I want a Twinkie.

00:03:14,987 --> 00:03:16,322

A-All right, dear.

00:03:16,447 --> 00:03:17,948

Hold on, Mrs. Cartman.

00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:20,826

There are going to be some

rule changes around here, Eric.

00:03:20,951 --> 00:03:24,872

First of all, no video games

until chores are done.

00:03:24,997 --> 00:03:26,874

[ Laughs ]

00:03:26,999 --> 00:03:28,250

I'm serious.

00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:30,336

Let's put down the video game

and go to the kitchen.

00:03:30,461 --> 00:03:32,004

[ British accent ]

No, thanks. I'd rather not.

00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:35,049

Right. Then I'm going to

have to take it.

00:03:35,174 --> 00:03:36,759

What the hell

do you think you're doing?

00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:37,927

Come on.

00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:41,222

This video game is going

right here on the counter

00:03:41,347 --> 00:03:42,681

until we've done some chores.

00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:46,685

Now, first thing we're going to

do is make your bed.

00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:49,313

Eric, no!

This is not acceptable!

00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:51,899

Stop trying to bogart my Xbox,

you fat bitch!

00:03:52,024 --> 00:03:55,110

All right. That's it.

You're going to time-out!

00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:56,195

Time-out?

00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:57,363

Whenever you are naughty, Eric,

00:03:57,488 --> 00:04:01,617

you are going to sit

on this stool for five minutes.

00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:04,370

And what exactly keeps me

on the stool?

00:04:04,495 --> 00:04:05,955

It's the time-out stool.

00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:09,208

You can't get down

until the time is up.

00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:12,878

Whoa!

How did I do that!?

00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:17,091

Eric, you have to stay

in time-out!

00:04:17,216 --> 00:04:18,676

Um, no?

00:04:18,801 --> 00:04:21,011

Come on.

You don't have a choice.

00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:23,264

All right. Seriously, you're

starting to piss me off now.

00:04:23,389 --> 00:04:25,349

Eric, you need to listen to me.

00:04:25,474 --> 00:04:26,725

This is very important.

00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:28,477

I'm getting down to eye level

with Eric

00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:30,896

so that I can talk to him

on his level.

00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:32,648

Eric, you need to understand

00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:35,025

why you are being punished,

all right?

00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:36,860

I'm just gonna get down

as soon as you move.

00:04:36,986 --> 00:04:40,322

Well, then I'll just

have to stand right here!

00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:41,365

[ Snorts, spits ]

00:04:41,490 --> 00:04:42,408

Aah!

00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:45,202

He spit in my mouth!

00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:47,621

Yeah.

It's best to avoid his level.

00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:50,374

All right.

I've dealt with this before.

00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:52,793

We just need to use psychology

on him.

00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:55,129

♪ Don't stop believin' ♪

00:04:55,254 --> 00:04:57,506

♪ Hold on

to that feel-a-ee-ing ♪

00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:01,093

Eric, can I just talk to you

for a quick second?

00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:03,220

Why are you so angry?

00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:04,972

Because you took my Xbox.

00:05:05,097 --> 00:05:07,057

Is this about more

than your video game?

00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:08,434

Are you feeling angry at me

00:05:08,559 --> 00:05:11,312

because you think I'm here

to change your life?

00:05:11,437 --> 00:05:13,314

Well...yeah.

00:05:13,439 --> 00:05:15,149

And you're feeling

like I have no right

00:05:15,274 --> 00:05:17,609

to come in

and tell you how to live.

00:05:17,735 --> 00:05:19,278

Yeah, I guess so.

00:05:19,403 --> 00:05:20,529

See this?

00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:21,613

You have to take the time

00:05:21,739 --> 00:05:23,907

to talk to your children

about their feelings.

00:05:24,033 --> 00:05:25,868

What else are you feeling, Eric?

00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:28,495

Well, I'm feeling confused,

00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:31,040

because I don't understand

why you became a nanny.

00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:32,082

Me?

00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:35,294

Well, because I love children,

like you.

00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:37,755

Right, but if you love children

so much,

00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:39,465

how come you're not a mommy?

00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:41,925

Oh, I just never had kids.

00:05:42,051 --> 00:05:43,385

Why not?

00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:46,513

It just...didn't happen.

00:05:46,638 --> 00:05:48,307

You're sterile.

Is that it?

00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:51,393

No. That's too convenient

of an excuse.

00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:53,812

The truth is, nobody ever wanted

to have babies with you.

00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:55,147

Isn't that it?

00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:57,191

Always the moms-maid,

never the mom.

00:05:57,316 --> 00:06:00,235

Must be hard on you, knowing

that the years are ticking away,

00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:01,653

your friends

all getting married,

00:06:01,779 --> 00:06:04,156

and all the while your uterus

slowly shriveling away,

00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:06,950

drying up,

becoming totally worthless.

00:06:07,076 --> 00:06:10,829

Why, you -- you --

you little bastard!

00:06:10,954 --> 00:06:12,373

How dare you?!

00:06:12,498 --> 00:06:13,665

Eric, naughty.

00:06:13,791 --> 00:06:15,334

What kind of monster would --

00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:16,668

Yes!

Let the anger come!

00:06:16,794 --> 00:06:18,212

Strike me down while you can!

00:06:18,337 --> 00:06:20,464

But it won't make your dried-up

ovaries any more fertile!

00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:22,591

That's it!

I'm not doing this!

00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,343

Oh, but we really need

some help!

00:06:24,468 --> 00:06:28,013

Find yourself another nanny...

television show!

00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:29,139

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:31,683

MAN: Coming up next,

it's "Supernanny"!

00:06:31,809 --> 00:06:34,770

Where other nannies fail,

Nanny Jo comes through!

00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:37,272

[ Man vocalizing ]

00:06:37,398 --> 00:06:39,400

[ Music continues ]

00:06:44,530 --> 00:06:46,281

[ British accent ]

This child's behavior

00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:48,492

is totally unacceptable!

00:06:50,661 --> 00:06:53,247

But there's no child too tough

for Supernanny!

00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:54,665

In just three days' time,

00:06:54,790 --> 00:06:58,001

you're going to see

a new Eric Cartman!

00:07:00,295 --> 00:07:02,214

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:06,009

I'm afraid Supernanny is in a

deep state of mental psychosis.

00:07:06,135 --> 00:07:07,136

What do you mean?

00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:09,346

I mean she spends

most of her time sobbing

00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:11,098

and eating her own excrement.

00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:17,104

From hell.

00:07:17,229 --> 00:07:20,315

It's from hell!

00:07:20,441 --> 00:07:21,233

Oh, dear.

00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:22,693

I don't know what else to do

00:07:22,818 --> 00:07:24,695

about my son's

behavioral problems.

00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:28,157

We've been through every nanny

reality show on television.

00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:32,286

Well, there is one more show

you could still try.

00:07:33,162 --> 00:07:35,122

- [ Dogs barking ]

- MAN: When good dogs go bad,

00:07:35,247 --> 00:07:38,417

there's one man

who's their best friend.

00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:40,252

Cesar Millan.

00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:42,713

CESAR: [ Spanish accent ] No dog

is too much for me to handle.

00:07:42,838 --> 00:07:45,549

I rehabilitate dogs.

I train people.

00:07:45,674 --> 00:07:48,051

I am the dog whisperer.

00:07:49,428 --> 00:07:50,596

[ Knock on door ]

00:07:50,721 --> 00:07:52,681

Please come in.

00:07:53,474 --> 00:07:54,933

So, tell me what are

the problems

00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:56,101

you're having with the child.

00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:58,312

Well, he's just out of control.

00:07:58,437 --> 00:08:01,315

I mean, he never listens to me,

and he pretty much runs my life.

00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:02,649

So the child needs to learn

00:08:02,774 --> 00:08:04,943

that he's not the most important

person in the house.

00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:06,278

You can stop talking

behind my back.

00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:07,488

I'm right here, fruitcake.

00:08:07,613 --> 00:08:08,822

See, I'm not looking

at the child,

00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:09,990

I'm not acknowledging the child.

00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:12,409

I'm just letting the child know

I'm not interested in him.

00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:13,494

Not interested in me?

00:08:13,619 --> 00:08:15,913

See, the child thinks your world

revolves around him

00:08:16,038 --> 00:08:16,914

because it does,

00:08:17,039 --> 00:08:19,249

because everything he does

gets a response from you.

00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:20,709

- Yeah. Well, I don't see why --

- Tsst!

00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:21,502

Hey!

00:08:21,627 --> 00:08:23,170

Don't look at the child.

Just keep looking at me.

00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:24,880

Let him know we are

having a conversation.

00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:26,048

- Mom, this guy doesn't --

- Tsst!

00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:28,258

- Aah! Quit it!

- What is that you're doing?

00:08:28,383 --> 00:08:30,802

Dogs show their dominance by

nipping each other on the neck.

00:08:30,928 --> 00:08:32,554

But it works equally well

on the child.

00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:34,473

I just use two fingers

and nip at the child's neck.

00:08:34,598 --> 00:08:36,475

Doesn't hurt the child.

Just let him know I am dominant.

00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,185

Look, Mexican,

if you really think that --

00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:39,937

- Tsst!

- Knock it off!

00:08:40,062 --> 00:08:40,562

Tsst!

00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,731

See, I'm not validating

his bad behavior

00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,691

with either a negative

or positive response.

00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:46,401

Oh!

That's very interesting!

00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:48,070

I think the first thing

we need to work on

00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:49,279

is getting the child

some exercise.

00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:50,948

He's fat and he has

all this pent-up energy that...

00:08:51,073 --> 00:08:53,075

- I'm not fat!

- ...we need to let him burn off.

00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,243

Do you take walks with your son?

00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:55,661

Well, no, I don't.

00:08:55,786 --> 00:08:58,038

Go on.

Take your son for a walk.

00:08:58,163 --> 00:09:00,207

- [ Down-tempo music plays ]

- Hey!

00:09:00,332 --> 00:09:02,000

You think this is funny,

you son of a bitch?

00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:03,752

See, once again,

I am the one going for a walk.

00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:06,213

This is about me. The child is

lucky enough to come along.

00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:08,340

- Mom, this is degrading!

- Tsst!

00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:09,758

Aah!

God damn it!

00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,343

[ Screaming ]

00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:13,804

Don't look at him.

Just look straight ahead.

00:09:13,929 --> 00:09:15,556

He'll run out of energy soon.

00:09:15,681 --> 00:09:17,766

[ Screaming ]

00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:27,901

[ Weakly ]

Mom.

00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:29,820

Mo-o-o-o-m!

00:09:29,945 --> 00:09:31,989

Here. Why don't you try it now?

Take your son.

00:09:32,114 --> 00:09:33,991

Mom, seriously,

people are seeing me!

00:09:34,116 --> 00:09:35,325

Good.

Just keep your confidence.

00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:36,952

Shoulders back,

eyes straight ahead.

00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,662

The child can pick up

on that confidence

00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:40,747

and learn he's supposed to

follow you, not lead you.

00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:42,124

Mom, don't you love me?

00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:43,959

Can't you see I'm unhappy

right now?

00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,335

- Tsst!

- Mom!

00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:47,963

Good, Mrs. Cartman.

Very good!

00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:52,384

MAN: And now back to

"The Dog Whisperer."

00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:56,471

It is important to understand

that dogs run in packs.

00:09:56,597 --> 00:10:00,642

And one dog is always

dominant -- the pack leader.

00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,311

God damn it!

Stop ignoring me!

00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:06,523

You must assert yourself as pack

leader with dominant energy.

00:10:06,648 --> 00:10:08,400

- All right!

- This is abuse!

00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:10,902

I'm a child,

and I'm entitled to attention!

00:10:11,028 --> 00:10:12,487

- Tsst!

- Quit it, Mom!

00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:14,823

It doesn't seem to work as well

when I do it.

00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:18,243

Okay. Let me show you how

to express the dominant energy.

00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:19,953

What I have done

is I have brought over

00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:22,289

some Kentucky Fried Chicken.

00:10:22,414 --> 00:10:23,457

Ooh.

Colonel?

00:10:23,582 --> 00:10:24,958

I am going to eat first,

00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:26,627

because that is what

the pack leader does.

00:10:26,752 --> 00:10:28,879

Gim-- Gimme the chicken.

Gimme some chicken!

00:10:29,004 --> 00:10:30,547

- Tsst!

- What are you doing?

00:10:30,672 --> 00:10:32,591

I want chicken!

Gimme some goddamn chicken!

00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:35,135

I am not going to acknowledge

the child's attempt

00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:36,803

at aggressive,

dominant behavior.

00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:38,096

Now you eat the chicken.

00:10:38,221 --> 00:10:39,681

Mom, gimme --

gimme some chicken.

00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:40,849

I want some chicken, Mom!

00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,894

We won't reward him until he's

in a calm, submissive behavior.

00:10:44,019 --> 00:10:45,896

God damn it!

I am not a dog!

00:10:46,021 --> 00:10:47,606

Gimme the chicken.

G-Gimme the chicken.

00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:48,607

I want the chicken.

Chicken!

00:10:48,732 --> 00:10:50,567

Gimme chicken! Gimme chicken!

Gimme chicken! Gimme chicken!

00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:53,695

We need him to become relaxed

and submissive.

00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,365

Okay. I'm fine.

I'm cool now.

00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:58,033

May I have some chicken, please?

00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,826

Oh, very good, sweetie.

00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:01,203

No. No.

Now he's lying.

00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:03,830

You can tell from his stance

he's still aggressive-dominant.

00:11:03,955 --> 00:11:06,083

Suck my asshole, taco bender!

00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:07,209

- See?

- God damn it!

00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,503

You can't stand here

and eat KFC in front of me!

00:11:09,628 --> 00:11:10,629

- Now hand it over!

- Tsst!

00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:12,673

You can't do that to me!

I-- God damn it! This --

00:11:12,798 --> 00:11:13,965

Tsst!

00:11:14,091 --> 00:11:15,967

Eh. Eh.

00:11:17,928 --> 00:11:20,889

I am not being aggressive.

I am being dominant.

00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,517

Wow.

I have a lot to learn.

00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:26,144

Mom, I'm serious.

This has gone on long enough.

00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:29,481

Get that guy out of here

and give me a piece of chicken.

00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:32,025

That's how you want it, bitch?

Fine!

00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,904

I hate you!

I'm running away!

00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:36,988

- Oh, dear.

- [ Door slams ]

00:11:37,114 --> 00:11:39,408

That's okay. This is all part

of the dominant struggle.

00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:40,951

But what if he does run away?

00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:42,285

Let him go.

He'll be back.

00:11:42,411 --> 00:11:44,204

This is a good opportunity

for you to relax

00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:46,039

and enjoy your favorite hobby.

00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:49,626

Oh, boy! Park Avenue!

I'm rich!

00:11:49,751 --> 00:11:51,753

[ Door opens, closes ]

00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:54,423

Hey, guys.

I've got some pretty big news.

00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:56,341

[ Sighs ]

I ran away from home.

00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:58,343

- [ Down-tempo music plays ]

- Yeah.

00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:01,304

My mom just doesn't care about

me anymore, so I moved out.

00:12:01,430 --> 00:12:03,265

She didn't even try to stop me.

00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:06,476

It's gonna be tough living on

my own, but I'll get by somehow.

00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:08,145

You can't stay here.

00:12:08,270 --> 00:12:10,313

Maybe you didn't hear me.

I ran away.

00:12:10,439 --> 00:12:12,482

I don't have anywhere to sleep.

I'm out on the streets.

00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:14,484

You're not staying at my house

either.

00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:15,819

All right.

That's fine.

00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:17,195

- Butters, I'll crash with you.

- No.

00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:20,031

My parents won't let me bring

homeless people home anymore.

00:12:20,157 --> 00:12:22,033

Well, what do you guys

expect me to do?

00:12:22,159 --> 00:12:24,244

Stay at Kenny's house?

His family is totally poor!

00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:26,413

I'm not staying

with poor people!

00:12:27,456 --> 00:12:29,958

All right. I'll stay with Kenny.

Let's go, man.

00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,752

- Mrph rmh.

- Ugh!

00:12:31,877 --> 00:12:35,630

Well, I guess now we see just

how supportive friends can be.

00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:37,799

When the chips are down,

you won't even lend a hand!

00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:40,552

I'll just go sleep on the street

somewhere, out in the cold.

00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:43,513

Probably get mugged and

gang-raped by some minorities.

00:12:43,638 --> 00:12:47,017

You guys will be sorry

when I turn up dead!

00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:50,187

Whoopie!

J&R Railroad!

00:12:50,312 --> 00:12:51,938

[ Doorbell rings ]

00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:53,899

Hey, Jimmy, you're not

gonna believe this,

00:12:54,024 --> 00:12:56,151

but I ran away from home.

00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,111

I just --

I really need the support

00:12:58,236 --> 00:13:00,030

of my best friend right now.

00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:02,324

Who's your best friend?

00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:04,826

You are, Jimmy!

We've always been best friends!

00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:07,037

We know everything

about each other!

00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:09,915

What's my last name?

00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,002

God damn it.

00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:18,173

Craig. Dude.

I ran away from home.

00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,800

You're the first person

I came to.

00:13:19,925 --> 00:13:21,676

I knew you'd take me in

off the streets.

00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:24,471

But I hate you.

00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:27,974

Should that really matter

at a time like this?

00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:30,936

[ Thunder rumbling ]

00:13:31,061 --> 00:13:33,021

This is bullcrap!

00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:36,066

Mom will break soon.

I can outlast her.

00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:38,401

[ Door closes ]

00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:41,905

All right.

I'm back.

00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:44,366

Oh, Eric!

I'm so happy you're home!

00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,117

Yes. Well, hopefully

you've learned your lesson.

00:13:46,243 --> 00:13:47,118

I've come back,

00:13:47,244 --> 00:13:48,954

but there's going to be

some changes around here.

00:13:49,079 --> 00:13:50,121

Look what I did, Eric.

00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:51,998

I learned how to make

sumi-e paintings!

00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:54,084

I'd almost forgotten

how artistic I was.

00:13:54,209 --> 00:13:55,502

That's super interesting,

00:13:55,627 --> 00:13:58,255

but I've been out living on the

streets for almost four hours.

00:13:58,380 --> 00:13:59,422

Make me something to eat.

00:13:59,548 --> 00:14:00,465

Cesar!

00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:01,758

How's the painting going?

00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:02,968

Oh, God damn it!

00:14:03,093 --> 00:14:04,177

Oh, look.

It came back.

00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:05,679

Yep.

Just like you said he would.

00:14:05,804 --> 00:14:07,055

What is he still doing here?

00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:08,765

He said he's hungry.

What should I do?

00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:10,392

Let's feed it.

00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:12,394

CARTMAN:

What the hell is this?

00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:15,397

Skinless chicken,

boiled vegetables, and salad?!

00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:16,898

This is just like Auschwitz!

00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:19,484

This is more aggressive,

dominant behavior.

00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:20,527

Don't nurture it.

00:14:20,652 --> 00:14:23,029

Oh, my God.

Bite-size Snickers?

00:14:23,154 --> 00:14:23,864

That's it.

00:14:23,989 --> 00:14:27,075

I'm calling

child protective services!

00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,619

Come on, Mrs. Cartman.

You must become pack leader.

00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:30,620

What do you do?

00:14:30,745 --> 00:14:32,163

Eric, if you don't want to eat,

00:14:32,289 --> 00:14:34,583

then why don't you just go

brush your teeth and go to bed?

00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:36,126

No.

You're asking him a favor.

00:14:36,251 --> 00:14:38,003

Don't ask a favor.

Dominate.

00:14:38,587 --> 00:14:40,505

Mom, I want this guy

out of here! You got it?!

00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,007

If he's not gone in two minutes,

00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:44,259

I will call social services

on you!

00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,136

You project the dominant energy,

00:14:46,261 --> 00:14:48,555

and he will pick up on it,

I promise.

00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,682

Shoulders back, head high.

00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:53,435

Don't reason with it.

Don't argue with it.

00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,186

Just dominate it.

00:14:55,312 --> 00:14:57,522

I am your son,

and you will listen to me!

00:14:57,647 --> 00:14:58,857

- You have no right to --

- Tsst!

00:14:58,982 --> 00:14:59,900

Mom, knock it off!

00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:01,192

- I'm not gonna stand for --

- Tsst!

00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:02,611

- Seriously, Mom --

- Tsst!

00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:04,404

This is --

Why are you doing this?

00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:05,614

- Tsst! Tsst!

- Mom!

00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:08,575

Ma...Ma...

00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:10,994

I did it!

00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:16,333

You see? You were calm,

assertive, and in control.

00:15:20,128 --> 00:15:22,255

Oh!

Oh, my gosh!

00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:24,883

See? This is the behavior

we've been looking for.

00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:26,927

This is a relaxed,

submissive state.

00:15:27,052 --> 00:15:29,304

- He's never done this before.

- Good.

00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:32,140

Now you can reward the behavior

with praise and attention.

00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:34,017

I love you very much,

poopsiekins.

00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:37,103

You're Mommy's sunshine.

00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:38,605

Now you can give him a snack.

00:15:41,775 --> 00:15:42,943

Good.

This is really good.

00:15:43,068 --> 00:15:44,361

Now try a command.

00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:47,197

Eric, I want you to go upstairs

and brush your teeth.

00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:50,533

Then I'll be up

to read you a story before bed.

00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:54,579

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:15:56,915 --> 00:15:59,209

Oh, my goodness.

I can't believe it.

00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:00,669

This is a great first step.

00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:03,630

But you're going to have to stay

firm and confident.

00:16:03,755 --> 00:16:05,340

You are the pack leader now.

00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:06,883

I am the pack leader!

00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:08,635

Now, before you go

read your son a story,

00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,387

let's go enjoy a nice,

quiet cup of tea.

00:16:10,512 --> 00:16:11,972

Sounds divine.

00:16:12,681 --> 00:16:15,642

Who does she think she is

telling me to go brush my teeth?

00:16:21,773 --> 00:16:25,235

Jesus.

What's happening to me?

00:16:29,364 --> 00:16:31,700

So, how is your son doing,

Mrs. Cartman?

00:16:31,825 --> 00:16:33,451

Oh, he's been amazing, Cesar.

00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:35,412

He got an "A"

on his last spelling test

00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:37,080

and a B-plus in history.

00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:39,249

He's losing weight,

and he's doing what I tell him.

00:16:39,374 --> 00:16:40,291

That's great!

00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:43,128

The best part is I'm not letting

him boss me around anymore.

00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:45,338

I could have never come out

and had a nice lunch

00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:47,716

on a Saturday afternoon

with a friend before!

00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:48,633

Good, Mrs. Cartman.

00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:50,385

Sounds like you're treating

your son like a son

00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:51,720

and not like a friend.

00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:53,346

There's just one problem.

00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:55,640

He still fights me

every step of the way.

00:16:55,765 --> 00:16:58,018

I feel like he's doing

what I tell him

00:16:58,143 --> 00:17:01,688

but that inside he's still

the same angry, spoiled child.

00:17:01,813 --> 00:17:02,605

Don't worry.

00:17:02,731 --> 00:17:03,940

When you correct the behavior,

00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:07,068

eventually you will see a change

in the personality.

00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:10,321

Oh, Cesar, I'm so happy

to have you in my life.

00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:13,491

[ Door opens, closes ]

00:17:14,784 --> 00:17:15,827

Guys, listen up.

00:17:15,952 --> 00:17:17,412

I really need your help

this time.

00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:18,913

I've thought about it a lot,

00:17:19,039 --> 00:17:21,541

and I've decided

I have to kill my mom.

00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:22,834

Kill your mom?

00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:24,836

She doesn't let me wear

whatever I want anymore.

00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:26,463

Things have really gotten

out of hand.

00:17:26,588 --> 00:17:28,423

My mom must die

so I can have a place to live,

00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,091

but without her trying to run

my life.

00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:32,510

She's like Hitler

with all the demands she makes.

00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:33,595

Dude, have you lost more weight?

00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,680

Yes!

I've lost almost 10 pounds now!

00:17:35,805 --> 00:17:36,681

You see what I mean?

00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:39,184

I totally know how it felt to be

a Jew in the Holocaust now.

00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:41,352

I have to kill my mom.

It's my only way out.

00:17:41,478 --> 00:17:43,229

Dude, don't kill your mom.

That's not cool.

00:17:43,354 --> 00:17:44,397

She's Hitler.

00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:46,274

Would you have killed Hitler

if you had the chance?

00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:47,442

All right.

Now, here's the plan.

00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,486

At 9:45 tonight,

I will sneak out of my room

00:17:49,611 --> 00:17:51,446

and leave the house,

leaving the back door unlocked.

00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:54,074

You guys come into the house

at 10:30 p.m. sharp,

00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:55,700

having given me enough time

to get down to Perkins

00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:57,035

and be seen by everyone there.

00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,120

And then all four of you

go upstairs to kill my mom.

00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:00,955

Dude, we're not killing

your mom.

00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:03,166

Well, I can't kill her.

I'm too obvious a suspect.

00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:05,085

When you reach her room,

Butters will keep a lookout

00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:06,419

while Kenny opens

the bedroom door,

00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:07,796

Kyle puts a pillow

over my mom's head,

00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:09,255

and Stan shoots her in the face.

00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:10,548

Where am I supposed to get

a gun?

00:18:10,673 --> 00:18:12,217

Well, I don't know.

That's your job, Stan!

00:18:12,342 --> 00:18:13,551

Do I have to think of everything

here?

00:18:13,676 --> 00:18:14,844

I'm not shooting anybody.

00:18:14,969 --> 00:18:17,055

Okay. Fine. Butters, you cover

my mom's head with a pillow.

00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:19,390

- Kyle can shoot her in the face.

- No, Cartman!

00:18:19,516 --> 00:18:21,059

Oh. Well, how about

I just do everything?

00:18:21,184 --> 00:18:22,769

How does that sound?

I'll just do everything

00:18:22,894 --> 00:18:24,354

while you guys sit here

and play video games!

00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:28,233

Fine!

I'll do it by myself!

00:18:28,358 --> 00:18:30,610

[ Insects chirping ]

00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:31,778

[ Clock ticking ]

00:18:31,903 --> 00:18:34,114

[ Door opens, hinges squeak ]

00:18:34,239 --> 00:18:36,866

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,374

You forced me to do this.

00:18:44,499 --> 00:18:46,376

You couldn't just love me

as a son.

00:18:47,252 --> 00:18:50,213

You just had to humiliate

and degrade me with your rules.

00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:53,466

I won't let you dominate

my life anymore.

00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:55,635

Goodbye, Mother.

00:18:58,596 --> 00:18:59,973

[ Thinking ]

Wait.

00:19:00,098 --> 00:19:01,724

Maybe...

00:19:01,850 --> 00:19:04,561

Maybe I don't have the right

to kill my mom.

00:19:04,686 --> 00:19:06,062

No!

She's my mom.

00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:07,480

I can do whatever I want

with her!

00:19:07,605 --> 00:19:10,024

It's more important

I live the way I want!

00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:12,318

She isn't an object you can own.

She's a human being.

00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:14,654

She isn't an object I can own.

S-She's a human being.

00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:17,115

No! Kill her!

No! She's making you suffer!

00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:18,283

[ Grunts ]

00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:20,410

Maybe all these changes are good

for me.

00:19:20,535 --> 00:19:21,661

Maybe...

00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:24,372

The world doesn't revolve

around me?

00:19:25,415 --> 00:19:29,085

Maybe the world doesn't revolve

around me.

00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:31,296

[ Gagging ]

00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:37,510

The...world doesn't revolve

around me!

00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:40,138

Aah!

00:19:41,973 --> 00:19:44,726

Aaaaah!

00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:46,352

Aaaaah!

00:19:57,906 --> 00:19:59,574

[ Gasps ]

00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:06,039

Why, Eric!

You made your own breakfast!

00:20:06,164 --> 00:20:08,499

Yeah, Mom. It's okay.

It's grapefruit and lean ham.

00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:10,501

And you're studying

before school?

00:20:10,627 --> 00:20:12,629

Well, you told me

I had to review my homework

00:20:12,754 --> 00:20:13,838

before class started.

00:20:14,964 --> 00:20:17,634

Oh, Eric.

I'm very proud of you.

00:20:17,759 --> 00:20:19,928

T-Thank you?

00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:21,221

I love you, sweetie.

00:20:21,346 --> 00:20:23,056

Okay, Mom.

You're embarrassing me. Geez!

00:20:23,181 --> 00:20:25,391

[ Doorbell rings ]

00:20:26,601 --> 00:20:29,312

Cesar, I'm so happy you're back!

00:20:29,437 --> 00:20:30,605

How is the child doing?

00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,023

Oh, he's amazing.

00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:34,484

I think the change

in personality happened.

00:20:34,609 --> 00:20:36,152

He's doing things

for himself now,

00:20:36,277 --> 00:20:37,820

and he seems to be accepting it.

00:20:37,946 --> 00:20:40,907

I've lost a best friend,

but I've gained a son.

00:20:41,032 --> 00:20:42,408

That's much healthier for him.

00:20:42,533 --> 00:20:45,036

And when he gets older, he'll

be able to be your friend, too.

00:20:45,161 --> 00:20:46,371

You're the best, Cesar.

00:20:46,496 --> 00:20:49,332

And to show my gratitude, I've

got two tickets for you and me

00:20:49,457 --> 00:20:51,584

to see "Madam Butterfly"

this Friday night.

00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:52,961

Well, no.

My work is done.

00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:54,545

I've got to get back

to Los Angeles.

00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:58,424

Oh. But I thought

we were becoming friends.

00:20:58,549 --> 00:21:00,301

No, not really.

You're just a client.

00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:03,346

Well, good luck to you.

Got to go!

00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:07,600

I cleared up the table, Mom.

00:21:07,725 --> 00:21:10,645

I'm gonna go upstairs

and make my bed now.

00:21:12,063 --> 00:21:14,482

Eric, how would you like

to go with me

00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,776

to see "Madam Butterfly"

Friday night?

00:21:16,901 --> 00:21:17,902

No, that's okay.

00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:19,153

Besides, I told Stan and Kyle

00:21:19,279 --> 00:21:20,738

we could work

on our science project then.

00:21:20,863 --> 00:21:22,240

Well, what if I took you

00:21:22,365 --> 00:21:24,617

to Kentucky Fried Chicken

afterward?

00:21:26,369 --> 00:21:29,247

And then we'll go to Target,

and I'll buy you a Megaranger.

00:21:30,373 --> 00:21:34,502

Could I perhaps have...

two Megarangers?

00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:38,298

Yes, darling.

You can have whatever you want.

00:21:38,423 --> 00:21:41,968

[ Ominous operatic music plays ]