Цццт — Мама Картмана понимает, что больше не контролирует своего сына, и прибегает к помощи специалистов.

Предыдущая серия S10 E06 Челмедведосвин

Следующая серия S10 E08 Занимайтесь любовью, а не Warcraft’ом

Цццт

Tsst

Сезон: 10Серия: 07

Описание

Мама Картмана понимает, что больше не контролирует своего сына, и прибегает к помощи специалистов.

Субтитры

00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:12,013 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:13,723 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:13,848 --> 00:00:15,391 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:18,602 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,312 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,438 --> 00:00:21,647 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:25,151 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:25,276 --> 00:00:28,195 Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:32,950 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
00:00:36,412 --> 00:00:40,041 Mrs. Cartman, we have had it with your son's behavior, m'kay.
00:00:40,166 --> 00:00:43,461 Little Billy Turner is now being treated at the hospital.
00:00:43,586 --> 00:00:46,255 Eric, why would you do such a thing?
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,883 I'm sorry I handcuffed Billy Turner's ankle
00:00:49,008 --> 00:00:50,176 to the school flagpole.
00:00:50,301 --> 00:00:51,761 You know that's not the point!
00:00:51,886 --> 00:00:54,138 Okay, I'm sorry I handcuffed Billy Turner's ankle
00:00:54,263 --> 00:00:56,265 to a flagpole and then gave him a hacksaw...
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,808 and then told him I had poisoned his lunch milk
00:00:57,933 --> 00:00:59,393 and the only way he could get to the antidote in time
00:00:59,518 --> 00:01:00,519 would be to saw through his leg.
00:01:00,644 --> 00:01:02,354 That's very naughty, Eric.
00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:03,731 Well, he called me chubby!
00:01:03,856 --> 00:01:06,150 We have tried at this school to make Eric understand
00:01:06,275 --> 00:01:07,818 that there are boundaries, m'kay.
00:01:07,943 --> 00:01:10,237 But frankly, we believe his behavioral problems
00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:11,280 start at home.
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:14,700 I know. I know he's out of control.
00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:17,411 But you don't know what it's like.
00:01:20,331 --> 00:01:21,415 I'm sorry.
00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:25,419 It's just that he seems to get worse every day.
00:01:25,544 --> 00:01:28,380 He just never listens!
00:01:30,633 --> 00:01:33,844 Well, nice going, asshole. You made my mom cry!
00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:37,223 It's not him. It's you, Eric!
00:01:37,348 --> 00:01:39,725 I don't know what to do with you.
00:01:39,850 --> 00:01:42,061 Sure you do. You're a great mom!
00:01:42,186 --> 00:01:44,313 ♪ Who's got the greatest mom in the world? ♪
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:45,564 ♪ I do ♪
00:01:45,689 --> 00:01:47,566 ♪ My mom is number one in my heart ♪
00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:49,068 ♪ It's true ♪
00:01:49,193 --> 00:01:51,529 ♪ My mom's the best mom, better than your mom ♪
00:01:51,654 --> 00:01:54,490 ♪ Let's sing it together in harmony ♪
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:57,034 Mrs. Cartman, I know this is extremely difficult,
00:01:57,159 --> 00:02:00,663 but there is help out there for people like you.
00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:04,959 Have you ever heard of a show called "Nanny 911"?
00:02:08,087 --> 00:02:10,714 <i>They're every parent's worst nightmare.</i>
00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:12,550 Shut up! I hate you! I hate you!
00:02:12,675 --> 00:02:15,469 <i>Kids completely out of control.</i>
00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:17,471 Look! I'm skating! I'm skating!
00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:21,183 <i>It's time to call "Nanny 911."</i>
00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:25,354 <i>We've gathered a team of world-class nannies</i>
00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:28,399 <i>to help families in crisis.</i>
00:02:28,524 --> 00:02:31,944 <i>Parents of America, help is on the way!</i>
00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:33,445 <i>Tonight...</i>
00:02:33,571 --> 00:02:35,823 Mom, I need another energy drink!
00:02:35,948 --> 00:02:39,368 <i>This 8-year-old son of a single parent just won't behave.</i>
00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:45,791 <i>And Nanny Stella is selected to set him straight!</i>
00:02:45,916 --> 00:02:47,501 It's time for Nanny Stella
00:02:47,626 --> 00:02:48,586 to show Eric Cartman
00:02:48,711 --> 00:02:51,714 his ways are not going to be tolerated anymore!
00:02:57,011 --> 00:03:00,139 Mom, are you deaf?! Somebody's at the door!
00:03:00,264 --> 00:03:02,683 Yes, I think it's the nanny, poopsiekins.
00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:05,394 Killer. I'm gonna be on TV now.
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:07,605 Hello! I'm Nanny Stella!
00:03:07,730 --> 00:03:09,315 Oh, thank you so much for coming.
00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:10,941 Please come in.
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,485 And you must be Eric!
00:03:13,611 --> 00:03:14,862 Mom, I want a Twinkie.
00:03:14,987 --> 00:03:16,322 A-All right, dear.
00:03:16,447 --> 00:03:17,948 Hold on, Mrs. Cartman.
00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:20,826 There are going to be some rule changes around here, Eric.
00:03:20,951 --> 00:03:24,872 First of all, no video games until chores are done.
00:03:26,999 --> 00:03:28,250 I'm serious.
00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:30,336 Let's put down the video game and go to the kitchen.
00:03:30,461 --> 00:03:32,004 No, thanks. I'd rather not.
00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:35,049 Right. Then I'm going to have to take it.
00:03:35,174 --> 00:03:36,759 What the hell do you think you're doing?
00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:37,927 Come on.
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:41,222 This video game is going right here on the counter
00:03:41,347 --> 00:03:42,681 until we've done some chores.
00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:46,685 Now, first thing we're going to do is make your bed.
00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:49,313 Eric, no! This is not acceptable!
00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:51,899 Stop trying to bogart my Xbox, you fat bitch!
00:03:52,024 --> 00:03:55,110 All right. That's it. You're going to time-out!
00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:56,195 Time-out?
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:57,363 Whenever you are naughty, Eric,
00:03:57,488 --> 00:04:01,617 you are going to sit on this stool for five minutes.
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:04,370 And what exactly keeps me on the stool?
00:04:04,495 --> 00:04:05,955 It's the time-out stool.
00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:09,208 You can't get down until the time is up.
00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:12,878 Whoa! How did I do that!?
00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:17,091 Eric, you have to stay in time-out!
00:04:17,216 --> 00:04:18,676 Um, no?
00:04:18,801 --> 00:04:21,011 Come on. You don't have a choice.
00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:23,264 All right. Seriously, you're starting to piss me off now.
00:04:23,389 --> 00:04:25,349 Eric, you need to listen to me.
00:04:25,474 --> 00:04:26,725 This is very important.
00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:28,477 I'm getting down to eye level with Eric
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:30,896 so that I can talk to him on his level.
00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:32,648 Eric, you need to understand
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:35,025 why you are being punished, all right?
00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:36,860 I'm just gonna get down as soon as you move.
00:04:36,986 --> 00:04:40,322 Well, then I'll just have to stand right here!
00:04:41,490 --> 00:04:42,408 Aah!
00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:45,202 He spit in my mouth!
00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:47,621 Yeah. It's best to avoid his level.
00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:50,374 All right. I've dealt with this before.
00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:52,793 We just need to use psychology on him.
00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:55,129 ♪ Don't stop believin' ♪
00:04:55,254 --> 00:04:57,506 ♪ Hold on to that feel-a-ee-ing ♪
00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:01,093 Eric, can I just talk to you for a quick second?
00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:03,220 Why are you so angry?
00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:04,972 Because you took my Xbox.
00:05:05,097 --> 00:05:07,057 Is this about more than your video game?
00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:08,434 Are you feeling angry at me
00:05:08,559 --> 00:05:11,312 because you think I'm here to change your life?
00:05:11,437 --> 00:05:13,314 Well...yeah.
00:05:13,439 --> 00:05:15,149 And you're feeling like I have no right
00:05:15,274 --> 00:05:17,609 to come in and tell you how to live.
00:05:17,735 --> 00:05:19,278 Yeah, I guess so.
00:05:19,403 --> 00:05:20,529 See this?
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:21,613 You have to take the time
00:05:21,739 --> 00:05:23,907 to talk to your children about their feelings.
00:05:24,033 --> 00:05:25,868 What else are you feeling, Eric?
00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:28,495 Well, I'm feeling confused,
00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:31,040 because I don't understand why you became a nanny.
00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:32,082 Me?
00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:35,294 Well, because I love children, like you.
00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:37,755 Right, but if you love children so much,
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:39,465 how come you're not a mommy?
00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:41,925 Oh, I just never had kids.
00:05:42,051 --> 00:05:43,385 Why not?
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:46,513 It just...didn't happen.
00:05:46,638 --> 00:05:48,307 You're sterile. Is that it?
00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:51,393 No. That's too convenient of an excuse.
00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:53,812 The truth is, nobody ever wanted to have babies with you.
00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:55,147 Isn't that it?
00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:57,191 Always the moms-maid, never the mom.
00:05:57,316 --> 00:06:00,235 Must be hard on you, knowing that the years are ticking away,
00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:01,653 your friends all getting married,
00:06:01,779 --> 00:06:04,156 and all the while your uterus slowly shriveling away,
00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:06,950 drying up, becoming totally worthless.
00:06:07,076 --> 00:06:10,829 Why, you -- you -- you little bastard!
00:06:10,954 --> 00:06:12,373 How dare you?!
00:06:12,498 --> 00:06:13,665 Eric, naughty.
00:06:13,791 --> 00:06:15,334 What kind of monster would --
00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:16,668 Yes! Let the anger come!
00:06:16,794 --> 00:06:18,212 Strike me down while you can!
00:06:18,337 --> 00:06:20,464 But it won't make your dried-up ovaries any more fertile!
00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:22,591 That's it! I'm not doing this!
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,343 Oh, but we really need some help!
00:06:24,468 --> 00:06:28,013 Find yourself another nanny... television show!
00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:31,683 <i>Coming up next, it's "Supernanny"!</i>
00:06:31,809 --> 00:06:34,770 <i>Where other nannies fail, Nanny Jo comes through!</i>
00:06:44,530 --> 00:06:46,281 This child's behavior
00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:48,492 is totally unacceptable!
00:06:50,661 --> 00:06:53,247 But there's no child too tough for Supernanny!
00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:54,665 In just three days' time,
00:06:54,790 --> 00:06:58,001 you're going to see a new Eric Cartman!
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:06,009 I'm afraid Supernanny is in a deep state of mental psychosis.
00:07:06,135 --> 00:07:07,136 What do you mean?
00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:09,346 I mean she spends most of her time sobbing
00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:11,098 and eating her own excrement.
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:17,104 From hell.
00:07:17,229 --> 00:07:20,315 It's from hell!
00:07:20,441 --> 00:07:21,233 Oh, dear.
00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:22,693 I don't know what else to do
00:07:22,818 --> 00:07:24,695 about my son's behavioral problems.
00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:28,157 We've been through every nanny reality show on television.
00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:32,286 Well, there <i>is</i> one more show you could still try.
00:07:33,162 --> 00:07:35,122 <i>When good dogs go bad,</i>
00:07:35,247 --> 00:07:38,417 <i>there's one man who's their best friend.</i>
00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:40,252 <i>Cesar Millan.</i>
00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:42,713 No dog is too much for me to handle.
00:07:42,838 --> 00:07:45,549 I rehabilitate dogs. I train people.
00:07:45,674 --> 00:07:48,051 I am the dog whisperer.
00:07:50,721 --> 00:07:52,681 Please come in.
00:07:53,474 --> 00:07:54,933 So, tell me what are the problems
00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:56,101 you're having with the child.
00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:58,312 Well, he's just out of control.
00:07:58,437 --> 00:08:01,315 I mean, he never listens to me, and he pretty much runs my life.
00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:02,649 So the child needs to learn
00:08:02,774 --> 00:08:04,943 that he's not the most important person in the house.
00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:06,278 You can stop talking behind my back.
00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:07,488 I'm right here, fruitcake.
00:08:07,613 --> 00:08:08,822 See, I'm not looking at the child,
00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:09,990 I'm not acknowledging the child.
00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:12,409 I'm just letting the child know I'm not interested in him.
00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:13,494 Not interested in me?
00:08:13,619 --> 00:08:15,913 See, the child thinks your world revolves around him
00:08:16,038 --> 00:08:16,914 because it does,
00:08:17,039 --> 00:08:19,249 because everything he does gets a response from you.
00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:20,709 - Yeah. Well, I don't see why -- - Tsst!
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:21,502 Hey!
00:08:21,627 --> 00:08:23,170 Don't look at the child. Just keep looking at me.
00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:24,880 Let him know we are having a conversation.
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:26,048 - Mom, this guy doesn't -- - Tsst!
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:28,258 - Aah! Quit it! - What is that you're doing?
00:08:28,383 --> 00:08:30,802 Dogs show their dominance by nipping each other on the neck.
00:08:30,928 --> 00:08:32,554 But it works equally well on the child.
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:34,473 I just use two fingers and nip at the child's neck.
00:08:34,598 --> 00:08:36,475 Doesn't hurt the child. Just let him know I am dominant.
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,185 Look, Mexican, if you really think that --
00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:39,937 - Tsst! - Knock it off!
00:08:40,062 --> 00:08:40,562 Tsst!
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,731 See, I'm not validating his bad behavior
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,691 with either a negative or positive response.
00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:46,401 Oh! That's very interesting!
00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:48,070 I think the first thing we need to work on
00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:49,279 is getting the child some exercise.
00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:50,948 He's fat and he has all this pent-up energy that...
00:08:51,073 --> 00:08:53,075 - I'm not fat! - ...we need to let him burn off.
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,243 Do you take walks with your son?
00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:55,661 Well, no, I don't.
00:08:55,786 --> 00:08:58,038 Go on. Take your son for a walk.
00:08:58,163 --> 00:09:00,207 Hey!
00:09:00,332 --> 00:09:02,000 You think this is funny, you son of a bitch?
00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:03,752 See, once again, I am the one going for a walk.
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:06,213 This is about me. The child is lucky enough to come along.
00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:08,340 - Mom, this is degrading! - Tsst!
00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:09,758 Aah! God damn it!
00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:13,804 Don't look at him. Just look straight ahead.
00:09:13,929 --> 00:09:15,556 He'll run out of energy soon.
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:27,901 Mom.
00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:29,820 Mo-o-o-o-m!
00:09:29,945 --> 00:09:31,989 Here. Why don't you try it now? Take your son.
00:09:32,114 --> 00:09:33,991 Mom, seriously, people are seeing me!
00:09:34,116 --> 00:09:35,325 Good. Just keep your confidence.
00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:36,952 Shoulders back, eyes straight ahead.
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,662 The child can pick up on that confidence
00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:40,747 and learn he's supposed to follow you, not lead you.
00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:42,124 Mom, don't you love me?
00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:43,959 Can't you see I'm unhappy right now?
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,335 - Tsst! - Mom!
00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:47,963 Good, Mrs. Cartman. Very good!
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:52,384 <i>And now back to "The Dog Whisperer."</i>
00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:56,471 It is important to understand that dogs run in packs.
00:09:56,597 --> 00:10:00,642 And one dog is always dominant -- the pack leader.
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,311 God damn it! Stop ignoring me!
00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:06,523 You must assert yourself as pack leader with dominant energy.
00:10:06,648 --> 00:10:08,400 - All right! - This is abuse!
00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:10,902 I'm a child, and I'm entitled to attention!
00:10:11,028 --> 00:10:12,487 - Tsst! - Quit it, Mom!
00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:14,823 It doesn't seem to work as well when I do it.
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:18,243 Okay. Let me show you how to express the dominant energy.
00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:19,953 What I have done is I have brought over
00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:22,289 some Kentucky Fried Chicken.
00:10:22,414 --> 00:10:23,457 Ooh. Colonel?
00:10:23,582 --> 00:10:24,958 I am going to eat first,
00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:26,627 because that is what the pack leader does.
00:10:26,752 --> 00:10:28,879 Gim-- Gimme the chicken. Gimme some chicken!
00:10:29,004 --> 00:10:30,547 - Tsst! - What are you doing?
00:10:30,672 --> 00:10:32,591 I want chicken! Gimme some goddamn chicken!
00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:35,135 I am not going to acknowledge the child's attempt
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:36,803 at aggressive, dominant behavior.
00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:38,096 Now you eat the chicken.
00:10:38,221 --> 00:10:39,681 Mom, gimme -- gimme some chicken.
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:40,849 I want some chicken, Mom!
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,894 We won't reward him until he's in a calm, submissive behavior.
00:10:44,019 --> 00:10:45,896 God damn it! I am not a dog!
00:10:46,021 --> 00:10:47,606 Gimme the chicken. G-Gimme the chicken.
00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:48,607 I want the chicken. Chicken!
00:10:48,732 --> 00:10:50,567 Gimme chicken! Gimme chicken! Gimme chicken! Gimme chicken!
00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:53,695 We need him to become relaxed and submissive.
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,365 Okay. I'm fine. I'm cool now.
00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:58,033 May I have some chicken, please?
00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,826 Oh, very good, sweetie.
00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:01,203 No. No. Now he's lying.
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:03,830 You can tell from his stance he's still aggressive-dominant.
00:11:03,955 --> 00:11:06,083 Suck my asshole, taco bender!
00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:07,209 - See? - God damn it!
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,503 You can't stand here and eat KFC in front of me!
00:11:09,628 --> 00:11:10,629 - Now hand it over! - Tsst!
00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:12,673 You can't do that to me! I-- God damn it! This --
00:11:12,798 --> 00:11:13,965 Tsst!
00:11:14,091 --> 00:11:15,967 Eh. Eh.
00:11:17,928 --> 00:11:20,889 I am not being aggressive. I am being dominant.
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,517 Wow. I have a lot to learn.
00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:26,144 Mom, I'm serious. This has gone on long enough.
00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:29,481 Get that guy out of here and give me a piece of chicken.
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:32,025 That's how you want it, bitch? Fine!
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,904 I hate you! I'm running away!
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:36,988 Oh, dear.
00:11:37,114 --> 00:11:39,408 That's okay. This is all part of the dominant struggle.
00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:40,951 But what if he does run away?
00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:42,285 Let him go. He'll be back.
00:11:42,411 --> 00:11:44,204 This is a good opportunity for you to relax
00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:46,039 and enjoy your favorite hobby.
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:49,626 Oh, boy! Park Avenue! I'm rich!
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:54,423 Hey, guys. I've got some pretty big news.
00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:56,341 I ran away from home.
00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:58,343 Yeah.
00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:01,304 My mom just doesn't care about me anymore, so I moved out.
00:12:01,430 --> 00:12:03,265 She didn't even try to stop me.
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:06,476 It's gonna be tough living on my own, but I'll get by somehow.
00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:08,145 You can't stay here.
00:12:08,270 --> 00:12:10,313 Maybe you didn't hear me. I ran away.
00:12:10,439 --> 00:12:12,482 I don't have anywhere to sleep. I'm out on the streets.
00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:14,484 You're not staying at my house either.
00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:15,819 All right. That's fine.
00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:17,195 - Butters, I'll crash with you. - No.
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:20,031 My parents won't let me bring homeless people home anymore.
00:12:20,157 --> 00:12:22,033 Well, what do you guys expect me to do?
00:12:22,159 --> 00:12:24,244 Stay at Kenny's house? His family is totally poor!
00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:26,413 I'm not staying with poor people!
00:12:27,456 --> 00:12:29,958 All right. I'll stay with Kenny. Let's go, man.
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,752 - Mrph rmh. - Ugh!
00:12:31,877 --> 00:12:35,630 Well, I guess now we see just how supportive friends can be.
00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:37,799 When the chips are down, you won't even lend a hand!
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:40,552 I'll just go sleep on the street somewhere, out in the cold.
00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:43,513 Probably get mugged and gang-raped by some minorities.
00:12:43,638 --> 00:12:47,017 You guys will be sorry when I turn up dead!
00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:50,187 Whoopie! J&R Railroad!
00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:53,899 Hey, Jimmy, you're not gonna believe this,
00:12:54,024 --> 00:12:56,151 but I ran away from home.
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,111 I just -- I really need the support
00:12:58,236 --> 00:13:00,030 of my best friend right now.
00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:02,324 Who's your best friend?
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:04,826 You are, Jimmy! We've always been best friends!
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:07,037 We know everything about each other!
00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:09,915 What's my last name?
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,002 God damn it.
00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:18,173 Craig. Dude. I ran away from home.
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,800 You're the first person I came to.
00:13:19,925 --> 00:13:21,676 I knew you'd take me in off the streets.
00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:24,471 But I hate you.
00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:27,974 Should that really matter at a time like this?
00:13:31,061 --> 00:13:33,021 This is bullcrap!
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:36,066 Mom will break soon. I can outlast her.
00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:41,905 All right. I'm back.
00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:44,366 Oh, Eric! I'm so happy you're home!
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,117 Yes. Well, hopefully you've learned your lesson.
00:13:46,243 --> 00:13:47,118 I've come back,
00:13:47,244 --> 00:13:48,954 but there's going to be some changes around here.
00:13:49,079 --> 00:13:50,121 Look what I did, Eric.
00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:51,998 I learned how to make sumi-e paintings!
00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:54,084 I'd almost forgotten how artistic I was.
00:13:54,209 --> 00:13:55,502 That's super interesting,
00:13:55,627 --> 00:13:58,255 but I've been out living on the streets for almost four hours.
00:13:58,380 --> 00:13:59,422 Make me something to eat.
00:13:59,548 --> 00:14:00,465 Cesar!
00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:01,758 How's the painting going?
00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:02,968 Oh, God damn it!
00:14:03,093 --> 00:14:04,177 Oh, look. It came back.
00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:05,679 Yep. Just like you said he would.
00:14:05,804 --> 00:14:07,055 What is he still doing here?
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:08,765 He said he's hungry. What should I do?
00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:10,392 Let's feed it.
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:12,394 What the hell is this?
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:15,397 Skinless chicken, boiled vegetables, and salad?!
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:16,898 This is just like Auschwitz!
00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:19,484 This is more aggressive, dominant behavior.
00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:20,527 Don't nurture it.
00:14:20,652 --> 00:14:23,029 Oh, my God. Bite-size Snickers?
00:14:23,154 --> 00:14:23,864 That's it.
00:14:23,989 --> 00:14:27,075 I'm calling child protective services!
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,619 Come on, Mrs. Cartman. You must become pack leader.
00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:30,620 What do you do?
00:14:30,745 --> 00:14:32,163 Eric, if you don't want to eat,
00:14:32,289 --> 00:14:34,583 then why don't you just go brush your teeth and go to bed?
00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:36,126 No. You're asking him a favor.
00:14:36,251 --> 00:14:38,003 Don't ask a favor. Dominate.
00:14:38,587 --> 00:14:40,505 Mom, I want this guy out of here! You got it?!
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,007 If he's not gone in two minutes,
00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:44,259 I <i>will</i> call social services on you!
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,136 You project the dominant energy,
00:14:46,261 --> 00:14:48,555 and he will pick up on it, I promise.
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,682 Shoulders back, head high.
00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:53,435 Don't reason with it. Don't argue with it.
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,186 Just dominate it.
00:14:55,312 --> 00:14:57,522 I am your son, and you will listen to me!
00:14:57,647 --> 00:14:58,857 - You have no right to -- - Tsst!
00:14:58,982 --> 00:14:59,900 Mom, knock it off!
00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:01,192 - I'm not gonna stand for -- - Tsst!
00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:02,611 - Seriously, Mom -- - Tsst!
00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:04,404 This is -- Why are you doing this?
00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:05,614 - Tsst! Tsst! - Mom!
00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:08,575 Ma...Ma...
00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:10,994 I did it!
00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:16,333 You see? You were calm, assertive, and in control.
00:15:20,128 --> 00:15:22,255 Oh! Oh, my gosh!
00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:24,883 See? This is the behavior we've been looking for.
00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:26,927 This is a relaxed, submissive state.
00:15:27,052 --> 00:15:29,304 - He's never done this before. - Good.
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:32,140 Now you can reward the behavior with praise and attention.
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:34,017 I love you very much, poopsiekins.
00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:37,103 You're Mommy's sunshine.
00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:38,605 Now you can give him a snack.
00:15:41,775 --> 00:15:42,943 Good. This is really good.
00:15:43,068 --> 00:15:44,361 Now try a command.
00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:47,197 Eric, I want you to go upstairs and brush your teeth.
00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:50,533 Then I'll be up to read you a story before bed.
00:15:56,915 --> 00:15:59,209 Oh, my goodness. I can't believe it.
00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:00,669 This is a great first step.
00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:03,630 But you're going to have to stay firm and confident.
00:16:03,755 --> 00:16:05,340 You are the pack leader now.
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:06,883 I am the pack leader!
00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:08,635 Now, before you go read your son a story,
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,387 let's go enjoy a nice, quiet cup of tea.
00:16:10,512 --> 00:16:11,972 Sounds divine.
00:16:12,681 --> 00:16:15,642 Who does she think she is telling me to go brush my teeth?
00:16:21,773 --> 00:16:25,235 Jesus. What's happening to me?
00:16:29,364 --> 00:16:31,700 So, how is your son doing, Mrs. Cartman?
00:16:31,825 --> 00:16:33,451 Oh, he's been amazing, Cesar.
00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:35,412 He got an "A" on his last spelling test
00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:37,080 and a B-plus in history.
00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:39,249 He's losing weight, and he's doing what I tell him.
00:16:39,374 --> 00:16:40,291 That's great!
00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:43,128 The best part is I'm not letting him boss me around anymore.
00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:45,338 I could have never come out and had a nice lunch
00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:47,716 on a Saturday afternoon with a friend before!
00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:48,633 Good, Mrs. Cartman.
00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:50,385 Sounds like you're treating your son like a son
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:51,720 and not like a friend.
00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:53,346 There's just one problem.
00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:55,640 He still fights me every step of the way.
00:16:55,765 --> 00:16:58,018 I feel like he's doing what I tell him
00:16:58,143 --> 00:17:01,688 but that inside he's still the same angry, spoiled child.
00:17:01,813 --> 00:17:02,605 Don't worry.
00:17:02,731 --> 00:17:03,940 When you correct the behavior,
00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:07,068 eventually you will see a change in the personality.
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:10,321 Oh, Cesar, I'm so happy to have you in my life.
00:17:14,784 --> 00:17:15,827 Guys, listen up.
00:17:15,952 --> 00:17:17,412 I really need your help this time.
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:18,913 I've thought about it a lot,
00:17:19,039 --> 00:17:21,541 and I've decided I have to kill my mom.
00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:22,834 Kill your mom?
00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:24,836 She doesn't let me wear whatever I want anymore.
00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:26,463 Things have really gotten out of hand.
00:17:26,588 --> 00:17:28,423 My mom must die so I can have a place to live,
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,091 but without her trying to run my life.
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:32,510 She's like Hitler with all the demands she makes.
00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:33,595 Dude, have you lost more weight?
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,680 Yes! I've lost almost 10 pounds now!
00:17:35,805 --> 00:17:36,681 You see what I mean?
00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:39,184 I totally know how it felt to be a Jew in the Holocaust now.
00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:41,352 I have to kill my mom. It's my only way out.
00:17:41,478 --> 00:17:43,229 Dude, don't kill your mom. That's not cool.
00:17:43,354 --> 00:17:44,397 She's Hitler.
00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:46,274 Would you have killed Hitler if you had the chance?
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:47,442 All right. Now, here's the plan.
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,486 At 9:45 tonight, I will sneak out of my room
00:17:49,611 --> 00:17:51,446 and leave the house, leaving the back door unlocked.
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:54,074 You guys come into the house at 10:30 p.m. sharp,
00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:55,700 having given me enough time to get down to Perkins
00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:57,035 and be seen by everyone there.
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,120 And then all four of you go upstairs to kill my mom.
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:00,955 Dude, we're not killing your mom.
00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:03,166 Well, <i>I</i> can't kill her. I'm too obvious a suspect.
00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:05,085 When you reach her room, Butters will keep a lookout
00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:06,419 while Kenny opens the bedroom door,
00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:07,796 Kyle puts a pillow over my mom's head,
00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:09,255 and Stan shoots her in the face.
00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:10,548 Where am I supposed to get a gun?
00:18:10,673 --> 00:18:12,217 Well, I don't know. That's your job, Stan!
00:18:12,342 --> 00:18:13,551 Do I have to think of everything here?
00:18:13,676 --> 00:18:14,844 I'm not shooting anybody.
00:18:14,969 --> 00:18:17,055 Okay. Fine. Butters, you cover my mom's head with a pillow.
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:19,390 - Kyle can shoot her in the face. - No, Cartman!
00:18:19,516 --> 00:18:21,059 Oh. Well, how about I just do everything?
00:18:21,184 --> 00:18:22,769 How does that sound? I'll just do everything
00:18:22,894 --> 00:18:24,354 while you guys sit here and play video games!
00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:28,233 Fine! I'll do it by myself!
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,374 You forced me to do this.
00:18:44,499 --> 00:18:46,376 You couldn't just love me as a son.
00:18:47,252 --> 00:18:50,213 You just had to humiliate and degrade me with your rules.
00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:53,466 I won't let you dominate my life anymore.
00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:55,635 Goodbye, Mother.
00:18:58,596 --> 00:18:59,973 Wait.
00:19:00,098 --> 00:19:01,724 Maybe...
00:19:01,850 --> 00:19:04,561 Maybe I don't have the right to kill my mom.
00:19:04,686 --> 00:19:06,062 No! She's my mom.
00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:07,480 I can do whatever I want with her!
00:19:07,605 --> 00:19:10,024 It's more important I live the way I want!
00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:12,318 She isn't an object you can own. She's a human being.
00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:14,654 She isn't an object I can own. S-She's a human being.
00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:17,115 No! Kill her! No! She's making you suffer!
00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:20,410 Maybe all these changes <i>are</i> good for me.
00:19:20,535 --> 00:19:21,661 Maybe...
00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:24,372 The world doesn't revolve around me?
00:19:25,415 --> 00:19:29,085 Maybe the world doesn't revolve around me.
00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:37,510 The...world doesn't revolve around me!
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:40,138 Aah!
00:19:41,973 --> 00:19:44,726 Aaaaah!
00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:46,352 Aaaaah!
00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:06,039 Why, Eric! You made your own breakfast!
00:20:06,164 --> 00:20:08,499 Yeah, Mom. It's okay. It's grapefruit and lean ham.
00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:10,501 And you're studying before school?
00:20:10,627 --> 00:20:12,629 Well, you told me I had to review my homework
00:20:12,754 --> 00:20:13,838 before class started.
00:20:14,964 --> 00:20:17,634 Oh, Eric. I'm very proud of you.
00:20:17,759 --> 00:20:19,928 T-Thank you?
00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:21,221 I love you, sweetie.
00:20:21,346 --> 00:20:23,056 Okay, Mom. You're embarrassing me. Geez!
00:20:26,601 --> 00:20:29,312 Cesar, I'm so happy you're back!
00:20:29,437 --> 00:20:30,605 How is the child doing?
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,023 Oh, he's amazing.
00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:34,484 I think the change in personality happened.
00:20:34,609 --> 00:20:36,152 He's doing things for himself now,
00:20:36,277 --> 00:20:37,820 and he seems to be accepting it.
00:20:37,946 --> 00:20:40,907 I've lost a best friend, but I've gained a son.
00:20:41,032 --> 00:20:42,408 That's much healthier for him.
00:20:42,533 --> 00:20:45,036 And when he gets older, he'll be able to be your friend, too.
00:20:45,161 --> 00:20:46,371 You're the best, Cesar.
00:20:46,496 --> 00:20:49,332 And to show my gratitude, I've got two tickets for you and me
00:20:49,457 --> 00:20:51,584 to see "Madam Butterfly" this Friday night.
00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:52,961 Well, no. My work is done.
00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:54,545 I've got to get back to Los Angeles.
00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:58,424 Oh. But I thought we were becoming friends.
00:20:58,549 --> 00:21:00,301 No, not really. You're just a client.
00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:03,346 Well, good luck to you. Got to go!
00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:07,600 I cleared up the table, Mom.
00:21:07,725 --> 00:21:10,645 I'm gonna go upstairs and make my bed now.
00:21:12,063 --> 00:21:14,482 Eric, how would you like to go with me
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,776 to see "Madam Butterfly" Friday night?
00:21:16,901 --> 00:21:17,902 No, that's okay.
00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:19,153 Besides, I told Stan and Kyle
00:21:19,279 --> 00:21:20,738 we could work on our science project then.
00:21:20,863 --> 00:21:22,240 Well, what if I took you
00:21:22,365 --> 00:21:24,617 to Kentucky Fried Chicken afterward?
00:21:26,369 --> 00:21:29,247 And then we'll go to Target, and I'll buy you a Megaranger.
00:21:30,373 --> 00:21:34,502 Could I perhaps have... two Megarangers?
00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:38,298 Yes, darling. You can have whatever you want.

00:00:29,926 --> 00:00:34,356 ЭПИЗОД 1007. "Тссс" southpark.org.ru
00:00:36,683 --> 00:00:40,240 Миссис Картман, нас окончательно достало поведение вашего сына, м-кей?
00:00:40,353 --> 00:00:43,663 Малыш Билли Тернер проходит курс лечения в больнице!
00:00:43,693 --> 00:00:46,503 Эрик, зачем ты так поступаешь?
00:00:46,533 --> 00:00:50,593 Простите, что приковал лодыжку Билли Тернера наручниками к школьному флагштоку.
00:00:50,623 --> 00:00:52,113 Ты ведь знаешь, что дело не в этом!
00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:56,243 Ну ладно, простите, что приковал Билли Тернера к флагштоку и дал ему ножовку.
00:00:56,273 --> 00:00:58,293 А потом сказал ему, что подбросил яду в его молоко на обеде...
00:00:58,333 --> 00:01:00,943 а единственный способ вовремя получить противоядие - отпилить себе ногу.
00:01:00,983 --> 00:01:02,453 Это очень плохо, Эрик.
00:01:02,493 --> 00:01:03,883 А он назвал меня щекастым!
00:01:03,923 --> 00:01:07,963 В школе мы пытались объяснить Эрику, что всему есть пределы, м-кей?
00:01:07,993 --> 00:01:09,533 Но, вообще-то мы полагаем...
00:01:09,573 --> 00:01:11,643 ...что истоки его проблем с поведением находятся дома!
00:01:11,673 --> 00:01:14,583 Я знаю. Знаю, что он неуправляем.
00:01:14,613 --> 00:01:17,163 Но…вы не знаете, каково это.
00:01:19,963 --> 00:01:21,653 Простите.
00:01:21,693 --> 00:01:25,123 Но, кажется...он с каждым днём становится всё хуже.
00:01:25,163 --> 00:01:28,553 Он просто меня не слушается.
00:01:30,253 --> 00:01:32,283 Что, доволен, козлятина!
00:01:32,313 --> 00:01:33,643 Довёл мою мамулю до слёз!
00:01:33,683 --> 00:01:39,703 Это не он, это ты, Эрик. Не знаю, что с тобой делать.
00:01:39,743 --> 00:01:41,893 Конечно, знаешь. Ты - классная мама.
00:01:41,923 --> 00:01:44,353 Чья мама самая классная в мире?
00:01:44,393 --> 00:01:45,663 Моя.
00:01:45,693 --> 00:01:47,733 В сердце моём ты всех важнее.
00:01:47,763 --> 00:01:49,193 Да!
00:01:49,223 --> 00:01:54,533 Моя мама - лучшая, лучше твоей. Вместе мы песню о ней.
00:01:54,563 --> 00:01:57,383 Миссис Картман, знаю, что это невероятно сложно...
00:01:57,423 --> 00:02:00,443 ...но таким людям, как вы можно помочь.
00:02:00,483 --> 00:02:04,933 Вы когда-нибудь слышали о телешоу под названием "Няня-01"
00:02:08,713 --> 00:02:10,943 Они - худший ночной кошмар всех родителей.
00:02:10,973 --> 00:02:12,903 Заткнись! Ненавижу тебя! Ненавижу!
00:02:12,943 --> 00:02:15,513 Детишки абсолютно неуправляемы.
00:02:15,553 --> 00:02:17,713 Смотрите, я на коньках, на коньках!
00:02:17,753 --> 00:02:20,873 Пора вызывать Няню-01.
00:02:22,903 --> 00:02:25,273 Мы собрали команду из нянь мирового класса...
00:02:25,313 --> 00:02:27,363 чтобы помогать семьям в критических ситуациях.
00:02:28,743 --> 00:02:31,553 Родители Америки, помощь уже в пути!
00:02:32,513 --> 00:02:33,643 Сегодня…
00:02:33,683 --> 00:02:36,183 Мам, дай еще один энергетический напиток!
00:02:36,223 --> 00:02:39,533 Этот восьмилетний ребенок матери-одиночки не желает вести себя прилично.
00:02:39,573 --> 00:02:41,973 Wir mussen die Juden ausrotten!!
00:02:42,013 --> 00:02:45,523 И няня Стелла была выбрана, чтобы урезонить его.
00:02:45,563 --> 00:02:51,693 Няня Стелла покажет Эрику Картману, что его фокусы терпеть больше никто не собирается!
00:02:56,243 --> 00:02:59,813 Мам, ты чё, оглохла? Кто-то в дверь стучит!
00:02:59,853 --> 00:03:02,583 Да. Думаю, это няня, пупсик.
00:03:02,613 --> 00:03:04,863 Охренеть. Меня щас по телеку будут показывать.
00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:07,813 Здравствуйте. Я - няня Стелла.
00:03:07,843 --> 00:03:10,373 Спасибо вам огромное, что пришли. Прошу, входите.
00:03:11,523 --> 00:03:13,553 А ты, должно быть, Эрик.
00:03:13,593 --> 00:03:15,203 Мам, я хочу пирожко.
00:03:15,233 --> 00:03:16,603 Хорошо, хорошо, дорогой мой.
00:03:16,633 --> 00:03:18,123 Погодите, миссис Картман.
00:03:18,163 --> 00:03:20,973 Правила у нас немного поменяются, Эрик.
00:03:21,013 --> 00:03:24,463 Во-первых, никаких видеоигр, пока не сделана работа по дому.
00:03:26,793 --> 00:03:30,593 Я не шучу. Давай отложим приставку и пройдем на кухню.
00:03:30,633 --> 00:03:32,463 Нет, спасибо. Пожалуй, не стоит.
00:03:32,493 --> 00:03:34,733 Ладно. Тогда мне придется забрать её.
00:03:35,523 --> 00:03:36,723 Ты соображаешь, что делаешь?
00:03:36,763 --> 00:03:37,983 Идёмте.
00:03:38,013 --> 00:03:42,773 Приставка полежит на столе, пока мы не сделаем кое-какую работу.
00:03:42,813 --> 00:03:45,623 И первое, что мы сделаем - застелем кровать.
00:03:46,623 --> 00:03:49,263 Эрик, нет! Это неприемлемо!
00:03:49,293 --> 00:03:52,003 Харэ отбирать мою приставку, тварь жирная!
00:03:52,033 --> 00:03:54,773 Ну всё, с меня хватит! Отправляешься на тайм-аут!
00:03:55,563 --> 00:03:56,453 Тайм-аут?
00:03:56,483 --> 00:04:00,643 За каждую проказу, Эрик, будешь сидеть на этом стуле пять минут.
00:04:01,543 --> 00:04:04,363 А что, собственно, меня удерживает на этом стуле?
00:04:04,403 --> 00:04:06,213 Это тайм-аутный стул.
00:04:06,253 --> 00:04:08,303 Пока время не вышло - вставать с него нельзя!
00:04:09,843 --> 00:04:12,583 Ух-ты! Как это я смог?!
00:04:14,633 --> 00:04:17,263 Эрик, ты должен быть на тайм-ауте!
00:04:17,303 --> 00:04:18,843 Эээ, нет?
00:04:18,883 --> 00:04:20,763 Давай же, у тебя нет выбора.
00:04:20,793 --> 00:04:23,353 Ну ладно. Я не шучу - вот теперь ты начинаешь меня жутко злить.
00:04:23,393 --> 00:04:27,043 Эрик, ты должен меня выслушать. Это очень важно.
00:04:27,073 --> 00:04:30,893 Я опускаюсь до уровня глаз Эрика, чтобы поговорить с ним на его уровне.
00:04:30,923 --> 00:04:34,973 Эрик, ты должен понять, за что тебя наказывают. Ясно?
00:04:35,013 --> 00:04:36,983 Я слезу, как только ты отойдешь.
00:04:37,023 --> 00:04:40,003 Что ж, тогда я останусь прямо здесь.
00:04:41,933 --> 00:04:44,933 Он мне в рот плюнул!
00:04:44,973 --> 00:04:47,813 Да уж, лучше на его уровень не опускаться.
00:04:47,843 --> 00:04:50,543 Ну ладно! Я с таким уже сталкивалась!
00:04:50,583 --> 00:04:52,563 Нужно прибегнуть к психологии!
00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:57,063 Не теряй веры… Чувство это храни…
00:04:57,103 --> 00:05:00,383 Эрик, я могу с тобой поговорить секундочку?
00:05:01,463 --> 00:05:03,343 Отчего ты такой злой?
00:05:03,383 --> 00:05:05,033 Потому, что ты забрала мою приставку.
00:05:05,063 --> 00:05:07,303 А может, дело не только в приставке?
00:05:07,333 --> 00:05:08,913 Может, ты злишься на меня...
00:05:08,943 --> 00:05:10,963 ...так как думаешь, что я пришла, чтоб изменть твою жизнь?
00:05:11,003 --> 00:05:13,283 Ну..да.
00:05:13,323 --> 00:05:17,393 И ты чувствуешь, что я не в праве приходить и указывать тебе, как жить.
00:05:17,423 --> 00:05:19,583 Да, пожалуй.
00:05:19,623 --> 00:05:20,573 Видите?
00:05:20,603 --> 00:05:23,933 Нужно нахдить время, чтобы поговорить с детьми об их чувствах.
00:05:23,973 --> 00:05:25,573 А что ты еще чувствуешь, Эрик?
00:05:25,603 --> 00:05:28,573 Ну…я в замешательстве...
00:05:28,603 --> 00:05:30,793 ...потому, что не пойму, зачем вы стали няней.
00:05:30,823 --> 00:05:35,283 Я? Это потому, чт я люблю детей, таких, как ты.
00:05:35,323 --> 00:05:39,433 Да, но…если вы настолько любите детей, то как случилось, что вы не стали мамой?
00:05:39,463 --> 00:05:41,873 У меня нет детей.
00:05:41,903 --> 00:05:43,263 Почему нет?
00:05:44,333 --> 00:05:46,253 Так…получилось.
00:05:46,283 --> 00:05:48,363 Вы стерильны, дело ведь в этом?
00:05:48,393 --> 00:05:51,513 Нет, это слишком удобно, как для оправдания.
00:05:51,553 --> 00:05:54,153 Правда в том, что никто никогда не хотел заводить с вами детей.
00:05:54,183 --> 00:05:54,993 В этом всё дело?
00:05:55,033 --> 00:05:57,223 Постоянная мамина помощница, так и не ставшая матерью?
00:05:57,263 --> 00:06:01,943 Должно быть, тяжело для вас осознавать, что годы летят, друзья все переженились
00:06:01,973 --> 00:06:06,993 а в это время ваша матка сморщивается и усыхает, становясь абсолютно бесполезной.
00:06:07,023 --> 00:06:10,933 Ах ты…мелкий гадёныш!
00:06:10,973 --> 00:06:12,513 Да как ты смеешь!?
00:06:12,543 --> 00:06:13,693 Эрик, нехорошо.
00:06:13,733 --> 00:06:15,443 Что же это за чудовище должно…
00:06:15,473 --> 00:06:16,933 Да, не держите в себе гнев!
00:06:16,963 --> 00:06:18,143 Стукните меня о пол, пока вы в состоянии!
00:06:18,183 --> 00:06:20,613 Но это не сделает ваши усохшие яичники ни капли более плодоносящими!
00:06:20,653 --> 00:06:22,693 С меня хватит! Я отказываюсь от задания!
00:06:22,723 --> 00:06:24,583 Но нам очень нужна помощь.
00:06:24,613 --> 00:06:27,913 Найдите другую няню…из телешоу!
00:06:28,853 --> 00:06:31,693 Далее в программе - Супер-Няня!
00:06:31,723 --> 00:06:34,943 Там, гда другие няни не справляются, няне Джо всё удаётся.
00:06:45,533 --> 00:06:48,333 Поведение этого ребенка абсолютно непреемлимо!
00:06:50,873 --> 00:06:53,643 Слишком трудных испытаний для Супер-Няни не бывает.
00:06:53,673 --> 00:06:57,143 Всего через три дня вы увидите нового Эрика Картмана!
00:06:57,913 --> 00:07:01,133 ТРИ ДНЯ СПУСТЯ…
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:06,353 Боюсь, Супер-Няня находится в состоянии глубокого душевного психоза.
00:07:06,393 --> 00:07:07,363 В смысле?
00:07:07,393 --> 00:07:11,313 В смысле, большую часть времени она проводит в рыданиях и поедании собственных экскрементов.
00:07:16,183 --> 00:07:19,503 Исчадие ада! Это исчадие ада!
00:07:20,313 --> 00:07:21,373 О, господи.
00:07:21,413 --> 00:07:24,883 Не знаю, что еще можно предпринять для решения проблем с поведением сына.
00:07:24,923 --> 00:07:28,143 Мы были на уже на всех реалити-шоу про нянь.
00:07:28,183 --> 00:07:32,043 Что ж…есть еще одно шоу, которое вы могли бы попробовать.
00:07:33,593 --> 00:07:34,333 ЗАКЛИНАТЕЛЬ СОБАК
00:07:34,373 --> 00:07:36,233 Когда хорошие собаки начинают вести себя нехорошо...
00:07:36,273 --> 00:07:38,193 ...есть только один человек, который для них будет лучшим другом.
00:07:38,233 --> 00:07:40,103 Сезар Миллан.
00:07:40,133 --> 00:07:42,733 Для меня не существует собак, с которыми невозможно справиться.
00:07:42,763 --> 00:07:45,763 Я перевоспитываю собак, я обучаю людей.
00:07:45,803 --> 00:07:47,933 Я - заклинатель собак.
00:07:50,683 --> 00:07:52,693 Прошу, входите.
00:07:52,723 --> 00:07:56,343 Расскажите, какие трудности у вас возникли с ребенком.
00:07:56,373 --> 00:07:58,483 Ну..он…неуправляем.
00:07:58,523 --> 00:08:01,543 Он меня совсем не слушает, и постоянно мной командует.
00:08:01,573 --> 00:08:04,963 Значит, ребенку нужно усвоить, что он не самая важная персона в доме.
00:08:04,993 --> 00:08:07,583 Можешь у меня за спиной не говорить. Я здесь, чудила.
00:08:07,613 --> 00:08:10,333 Видите, я не смотрю на ребенка, я не признаю ребенка...
00:08:10,373 --> 00:08:12,553 я даю ребенку понять, что он меня не интересует.
00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:13,793 Не интересую?
00:08:13,833 --> 00:08:17,133 Понимаете, ребенок полагает, что ваш мир вращается вокруг него как само сабой разумеющееся.
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:19,543 Потому, что всё, что он делает находит в вас ответную реакцию.
00:08:19,583 --> 00:08:20,283 Да, не вижу, почему бы…
00:08:20,323 --> 00:08:20,943 Тссс.
00:08:20,983 --> 00:08:21,773 Эй!
00:08:21,783 --> 00:08:23,233 Не смотрите на ребенка, смотрите только на меня.
00:08:23,273 --> 00:08:25,123 Дайте ему понять, что мы беседуем.
00:08:25,153 --> 00:08:25,723 Мам, этот тип не…
00:08:25,763 --> 00:08:26,363 Тссс.
00:08:26,393 --> 00:08:27,263 Ай! Хорош уже!
00:08:27,303 --> 00:08:28,413 А что такое вы делаете?
00:08:28,453 --> 00:08:31,183 Собаки показывают своё превосходство, покусывая друг друга за шею.
00:08:31,223 --> 00:08:32,483 Но с детьми это работает в той же степени хорошо.
00:08:32,513 --> 00:08:34,753 При помощи двух пальцев я щипаю ребенка за шею.
00:08:34,793 --> 00:08:36,623 Ему не больно, но он понимает, что я - главный.
00:08:36,663 --> 00:08:38,543 Послушай, мексиканишка, если ты и в правду думаешь, что можешь…
00:08:38,573 --> 00:08:38,873 Тссс.
00:08:38,913 --> 00:08:39,853 ЗАВЯЗЫВАЙ!
00:08:39,893 --> 00:08:40,483 Тссс.
00:08:40,513 --> 00:08:44,973 Видите, я не отвечаю на его плохое поведение ни негативно ни позитивно.
00:08:45,013 --> 00:08:46,493 Очень интересно.
00:08:46,523 --> 00:08:49,703 Думаю, первое, чем следует с ним заняться - это физические упражнения.
00:08:49,743 --> 00:08:51,343 Он жирный и полон всей этой энергией сдерживания, которую…
00:08:51,383 --> 00:08:51,613 Я не жирный!
00:08:51,653 --> 00:08:54,423 Тссс. …нужно позволить ему сжечь. Вы гуляете с сыном?
00:08:54,463 --> 00:08:55,903 Нет, не гуляю.
00:08:55,943 --> 00:08:57,683 Давайте его прогуляем.
00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:02,273 Эй! По-твоему это смешно, гад?
00:09:02,303 --> 00:09:03,233 Давайте еще раз повторим.
00:09:03,273 --> 00:09:06,383 Гуляю здесь я. Здесь всё ради меня, и ребенку повезло в том, что он идет рядом.
00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:07,973 Мам, это унизительно!
00:09:08,013 --> 00:09:08,533 Тссс.
00:09:08,563 --> 00:09:10,033 Ай! Твою мать!
00:09:12,213 --> 00:09:15,483 Не смотрите на него, смотрите прямо перед собой, и скоро вся его энергия закончится.
00:09:17,463 --> 00:09:29,353 Мааа. Мам. Мааам.
00:09:29,393 --> 00:09:32,093 Почему бы вам теперь не попробовать. Берите сына.
00:09:32,133 --> 00:09:34,443 Мам, правда, на меня ведь люди смотрят!
00:09:34,483 --> 00:09:34,863 Хорошо.
00:09:34,893 --> 00:09:37,183 Держитесь уверенно, плечи назад, глаза смотрят прямо вперед.
00:09:37,223 --> 00:09:41,023 Ребенок почувствует эту уверенность, и поймет, что он идёт за вами, а не ведёт вас.
00:09:41,063 --> 00:09:44,003 Мам, ты меня разве не любишь? Ты не видишь, что я совсем несчастный?
00:09:44,043 --> 00:09:44,683 Тссс.
00:09:44,723 --> 00:09:45,573 Мам!
00:09:45,613 --> 00:09:47,483 Хорошо, мисс Картман. Очень хорошо!
00:09:49,473 --> 00:09:52,523 А теперь снова - Заклинатель Собак.
00:09:52,614 --> 00:09:56,624 Очень важно понять, что собаки ходят стаей.
00:09:56,664 --> 00:10:00,984 И всегда одна собака будет главной - вожаком стаи.
00:10:01,014 --> 00:10:02,984 Вашу ж мать! Харэ меня игнорировать!
00:10:03,014 --> 00:10:06,934 Вы должны объявить себя вожаком при помощи доминантной энергии.
00:10:06,964 --> 00:10:07,874 Здорово!
00:10:07,904 --> 00:10:11,214 Это жестокое обращение! Я - ребенок и имею право на внимание!
00:10:11,254 --> 00:10:11,824 Тссс.
00:10:11,854 --> 00:10:12,764 Завязывай, мам!
00:10:12,804 --> 00:10:15,384 Похоже, когда я это делаю, то получается не так хорошо.
00:10:15,414 --> 00:10:18,404 Ладно, давайте покажу, как выразить доминантную энергию.
00:10:18,444 --> 00:10:22,214 Что я сделал - так это купил курятины в Кентакки Фрайд Чикен.
00:10:22,244 --> 00:10:23,724 О, у Полковника?
00:10:23,764 --> 00:10:27,134 Я буду есть первым, потому, что так поступает вожак.
00:10:27,174 --> 00:10:29,304 Дай, дай курятинки. Дай курятинки.
00:10:29,334 --> 00:10:29,854 Тссс.
00:10:29,884 --> 00:10:33,074 Эй, ты чё делаешь? Я хочу курятины! Дай мне этой грёбанной курятины!
00:10:33,104 --> 00:10:37,304 Я не буду признавать эту попытку ребенка к агрессивному доминантному поведению.
00:10:37,344 --> 00:10:38,454 Теперь вы ешьте курицу.
00:10:38,494 --> 00:10:41,354 Мам, дай, дай курятины. Хочу курятины, мам!
00:10:41,384 --> 00:10:44,564 Не будем поощрять его, до тех пор, пока он не станет вести себя спокойно и послушно.
00:10:44,604 --> 00:10:46,264 Бляха-муха! Я вам не собака!
00:10:46,304 --> 00:10:48,244 Дайте курятины. Дайте, дайте, дайте курятины.
00:10:48,284 --> 00:10:49,214 Хочу курятины! Курятины!
00:10:49,244 --> 00:10:50,934 Дайте курятины! Дайте курятины! Дайте курятины! Дайте курятины!
00:10:50,974 --> 00:10:54,094 Нам нужно, чтобы он успокоился и подчинился.
00:10:54,134 --> 00:10:56,834 Ладно. Я в норме. Теперь я спокоен.
00:10:56,864 --> 00:10:58,584 А можно мне чуток курятинки, пожалуйста?
00:10:58,614 --> 00:11:00,294 Очень хорошо, сладенький.
00:11:00,334 --> 00:11:04,204 Нет, он лжет. По его позе можно понять, что он агрессивно-доминантен.
00:11:04,234 --> 00:11:06,384 Оближи мне жопу, продавец тако!
00:11:06,424 --> 00:11:07,244 Видите?
00:11:07,284 --> 00:11:10,924 Твою мать, нельзя же так стоять передо мной и жрать курятину! Отдайте!
00:11:10,964 --> 00:11:11,324 Тссс.
00:11:11,364 --> 00:11:12,194 Ну нельзя же так со мной, я…
00:11:12,224 --> 00:11:12,684 Тссс.
00:11:12,724 --> 00:11:13,444 Мать вашу, вы просто…
00:11:13,474 --> 00:11:13,824 Тссс.
00:11:13,854 --> 00:11:15,754 Серьёзно! Ээээ…Эээ…
00:11:18,614 --> 00:11:21,374 Я не веду себя агрессивно. Я просто доминирую.
00:11:21,404 --> 00:11:23,244 Ух-ты! Мне ещё учиться и учиться.
00:11:23,284 --> 00:11:26,574 Мам, я серьезно! Что-то это уж слишком затянулось!
00:11:26,604 --> 00:11:28,834 Выгони нафиг этого типа и дай мне курочки!
00:11:30,714 --> 00:11:33,294 Вот так, значит, сука?! Ну и хорошо!
00:11:33,334 --> 00:11:35,364 Ненавижу тебя! Я убегаю из дому!
00:11:36,214 --> 00:11:37,504 О, боже.
00:11:37,534 --> 00:11:39,854 Всё нормально. Это часть борьбы за превосходство.
00:11:39,894 --> 00:11:41,314 Но если он и вправду убежит.
00:11:41,344 --> 00:11:42,754 Да пускай. Он вернется.
00:11:42,794 --> 00:11:45,894 Для вас это отличная возможность расслабиться и насладиться своим любимым хобби.
00:11:46,994 --> 00:11:50,344 Вот это да! Парк Авеню! Я богат!
00:11:50,384 --> 00:11:54,174 Привет, пацаны. У меня довольно хреновые новости.
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:57,104 Я сбежал из дому.
00:11:58,154 --> 00:12:01,734 Да, мать просто…перестала обо мне заботиться, так что я свалил.
00:12:01,774 --> 00:12:03,404 Она даже не пыталась меня остановить.
00:12:03,434 --> 00:12:06,884 Нелегко мне теперь придется. Но я как-нибудь справлюсь.
00:12:06,924 --> 00:12:08,314 Здесь тебе остаться нельзя.
00:12:08,354 --> 00:12:10,754 Может, вы не расслышали! Я из дому сбежал!
00:12:10,794 --> 00:12:12,744 Мне спать негде! Я оказался на улице!
00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:14,534 У меня в доме ты тоже не останешься.
00:12:14,574 --> 00:12:17,654 Ну и ладно! Баттерс, я зависну у тебя.
00:12:17,684 --> 00:12:20,214 Нет, мне родители сказали, чтобы я больше бомжей не водил.
00:12:20,254 --> 00:12:23,634 И что мне делать по-вашему?! У Кенни жить?!
00:12:23,664 --> 00:12:25,954 Его предки бедные до безобразия. Я не буду жить с бедняками!
00:12:27,984 --> 00:12:30,214 Ну ладно, буду жить у Кенни. Пойдем, чувак.
00:12:30,244 --> 00:12:31,654 (Пошел на х…й)
00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:35,834 Ага, вот теперь видно, как могут друзья тебя поддержать!
00:12:35,864 --> 00:12:38,254 Чипсы сожрали и всех как ветром сдуло!
00:12:38,284 --> 00:12:40,904 Пойду и буду спать где-нибудь на улице! На холодине!
00:12:40,934 --> 00:12:43,304 Возможно, ограбленный и изнасилованный толпой каких-нибудь меньшинств!
00:12:43,344 --> 00:12:46,364 Вы еще пожалеете, когда выйдет так, что я подохну!
00:12:47,364 --> 00:12:49,944 Опаньки! Железнодорожная компания!
00:12:51,974 --> 00:12:53,234 Привет, Джимми.
00:12:53,264 --> 00:12:55,984 Ты не поверишь, но…я сбежал из дома.
00:12:56,014 --> 00:12:59,824 И мне сейчас …очень нужна поддержка моего лучшего друга.
00:13:00,654 --> 00:13:02,514 А кто твой лучший друг?
00:13:02,544 --> 00:13:04,144 Ты, Джимми!
00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:06,864 Мы всегда были лучшими друзьями. Мы всё знаем друг о друге.
00:13:07,904 --> 00:13:09,674 Какая у меня фамилия?
00:13:12,334 --> 00:13:13,924 Твою мать!
00:13:15,304 --> 00:13:18,534 Грэг, дружище, я убежал из дома.
00:13:18,574 --> 00:13:21,934 Ты первый, к кому я пришел. Я знал, что ты не оставишь меня на улице.
00:13:22,864 --> 00:13:24,284 Но я тебя ненавижу.
00:13:25,424 --> 00:13:27,924 А это действительно важно сейчас, в такое время?
00:13:31,854 --> 00:13:36,144 Вот же ж дерьмо! Мамуля скоро сломается. Я её перетерплю.
00:13:40,444 --> 00:13:41,784 Ну и ладно, я вернулся.
00:13:41,814 --> 00:13:44,704 Ой, Эрик, я так рада, что ты дома.
00:13:44,734 --> 00:13:49,414 Да, надеюсь, ты усвоила урок! Я вернулся, но отныне здесь кое-что изменится.
00:13:49,454 --> 00:13:50,624 Смотри, что я сделала, Эрик.
00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:52,394 Я научилась рисовать в технике суми-е.
00:13:52,434 --> 00:13:54,654 А я ведь уже почти забыла, насколько была талантлива.
00:13:54,684 --> 00:13:58,704 Это супер-интересно. Но я жил на улице почти целых четыре часа!
00:13:58,744 --> 00:13:59,974 Приготовь мне пожрать.
00:14:00,014 --> 00:14:00,934 Сезар…
00:14:00,964 --> 00:14:02,354 И как продвигается рисование?
00:14:02,394 --> 00:14:03,454 А, черт!
00:14:03,494 --> 00:14:04,824 О, смотрите, прибежал обратно.
00:14:04,854 --> 00:14:06,384 Ага, прямо как вы и сказали.
00:14:06,424 --> 00:14:07,714 А он что здесь делает до сих пор?
00:14:07,744 --> 00:14:09,274 Он сказал, что голоден. Что мне делать?
00:14:09,304 --> 00:14:10,244 Что ж, давайте его покормим.
00:14:11,864 --> 00:14:12,884 Это что еще за херня?
00:14:12,914 --> 00:14:17,394 Курица без кожи, вареные овощи и салат??! Прям как в Аушвитце!
00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:20,944 Это также агрессивно-доминантное поведение. Не поощряйте его!
00:14:20,984 --> 00:14:23,274 Боже мой. Сникерс размером на один зуб?
00:14:23,314 --> 00:14:26,354 С меня хватит. Звоню в службу по защите детей!
00:14:26,384 --> 00:14:31,254 Давайте же, мисс Картман. Вы должны стать вожаком стаи. Что вы предпримете?
00:14:31,284 --> 00:14:35,214 Эрик, раз ты не хочешь кушать, то почему бы тебе не почистить зубы и не лечь спать?
00:14:35,244 --> 00:14:36,734 Нет! Вы просите об одолжении.
00:14:36,764 --> 00:14:38,384 Не просите об одолжении, а доминируйте!
00:14:38,424 --> 00:14:41,144 Мам, я хочу, чтобы этот тип ушёл! Ясно?
00:14:41,174 --> 00:14:44,524 Если через две минуты он не уйдет, я вызову социальную службу!
00:14:44,564 --> 00:14:48,854 Излучайте доминантную энергию, и он её воспримет. Обещаю.
00:14:48,894 --> 00:14:53,964 Плечи назад, голову выше, не уговаривайте его, не спорьте с ним.
00:14:54,004 --> 00:14:55,574 Просто доминируйте.
00:14:55,614 --> 00:14:58,894 Я твой сын, и ты будешь меня слушать! У тебя нет прав, чтобы….
00:14:58,934 --> 00:14:59,454 Тссс.
00:14:59,494 --> 00:15:00,904 Мам, прекращай! Я не собираюсь терпеть…
00:15:00,944 --> 00:15:01,624 Тссс.
00:15:01,664 --> 00:15:02,484 Серьезно! Мам!
00:15:02,524 --> 00:15:03,214 Тссс.
00:15:03,244 --> 00:15:04,954 Серьезно! Зачем ты… это делаешь?
00:15:04,984 --> 00:15:05,464 Тссс.
00:15:05,494 --> 00:15:05,994 Мам?!
00:15:06,024 --> 00:15:07,854 Тссс. Мам? Мам…
00:15:07,884 --> 00:15:10,064 Получилось!
00:15:12,324 --> 00:15:15,594 Видите? Вы спокойны, уверенны и всё контролируете.
00:15:20,624 --> 00:15:22,384 О…боже мой!
00:15:22,414 --> 00:15:25,194 Видите? Вот такого поведения вы и добивались.
00:15:25,234 --> 00:15:27,494 Это состояние расслабления и подчинения.
00:15:27,534 --> 00:15:29,234 Раньше он такого никогда не делал.
00:15:29,274 --> 00:15:32,454 Отлично. Теперь можете поощрить его поведение похвалой и вниманием.
00:15:32,494 --> 00:15:35,904 Я тебя очень-очень люблю, пупсичек. Ты - мамочкина радость.
00:15:37,514 --> 00:15:39,084 Теперь можете дать ему корму.
00:15:42,194 --> 00:15:44,504 Хорошо, очень хорошо. Теперь попробуйте покомандовать.
00:15:44,544 --> 00:15:47,754 Эрик, я хочу, чтобы ты поднялся наверх и почистил зубы.
00:15:47,794 --> 00:15:50,524 Потом поднимусь я, чтобы почитать тебе сказку перед сном.
00:15:57,114 --> 00:15:59,704 О, боже. Поверить не могу.
00:15:59,734 --> 00:16:04,104 Это отличный первый шаг, но вам нужно оставаться твердой и уверенной.
00:16:04,144 --> 00:16:05,654 Теперь вы - вожак стаи.
00:16:05,684 --> 00:16:07,364 Я - вожак стаи!
00:16:07,394 --> 00:16:11,014 А теперь, перед тем, как пойдете читать сыну сказку, давайте выпьем по доброй чашечке чая.
00:16:11,054 --> 00:16:12,324 Звучит божественно!
00:16:12,354 --> 00:16:15,514 Да что она себе возомнила - заставлять меня чистить зубы?!
00:16:22,014 --> 00:16:25,024 Господи Иисусе. Что со мной происходит?
00:16:29,111 --> 00:16:31,771 И как ваш сын, мисс Картман?
00:16:31,801 --> 00:16:33,701 Оо, он меня удивляет, Сезар.
00:16:33,731 --> 00:16:37,131 Получил пять по правописанию и четыре с плюсом по истории.
00:16:37,171 --> 00:16:39,361 Теряет вес и делает всё, что я ему говорю.
00:16:39,391 --> 00:16:40,411 Это же здорово!
00:16:40,441 --> 00:16:43,171 А самое лучшее - я теперь не позволяю ему мной командовать.
00:16:43,201 --> 00:16:47,471 Раньше я не могла куда-нибудь сходить с другом в Субботу и отлично поужинать.
00:16:47,511 --> 00:16:48,811 Отлично, мисс Картман.
00:16:48,851 --> 00:16:51,811 Похоже, теперь вы обращаетесь с сыном как с сыном, а не как с другом.
00:16:51,851 --> 00:16:55,871 Всего одна проблема: он продолжает бороться со мной на каждом шагу.
00:16:55,901 --> 00:17:02,031 Похоже, что он делает, что я говорю, но внутри он всё тот же злой испорченный ребёнок.
00:17:02,071 --> 00:17:02,661 Не беспокойтесь.
00:17:02,691 --> 00:17:07,001 Если исправлено поведение, то со временем увидите изменения и в личности.
00:17:07,031 --> 00:17:09,841 О, Сезар. Я так счастлива, что встретила вас.
00:17:13,721 --> 00:17:15,861 Пацаны, послушайте.
00:17:15,891 --> 00:17:17,271 На этот раз мне действительно нужна ваша помощь.
00:17:17,311 --> 00:17:21,001 Я много думал, и решил, что должен убить свою маму.
00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:22,711 Убить маму?
00:17:22,751 --> 00:17:26,311 Она больше не позволяет мне носить то, что я хочу. Это полностью вышло из-под контроля!
00:17:26,341 --> 00:17:29,891 Мамуля должна помереть - и мне будет где жить, но командовать мной она не сможет.
00:17:29,921 --> 00:17:32,201 Она как Гитлер, со всеми своими претензиями.
00:17:32,231 --> 00:17:33,711 Блин, ты что, ещё похудел?
00:17:33,741 --> 00:17:35,761 Да! Я уже потерял почти три кило.
00:17:35,801 --> 00:17:36,801 Теперь понимаете, о чем я??
00:17:36,831 --> 00:17:39,021 Теперь я точно знаю, как это - быть евреем во время Холокоста!
00:17:39,061 --> 00:17:41,381 Я должен убить мать. Это для меня единственный выход.
00:17:41,421 --> 00:17:43,251 Не убивай маму. Это не здорово.
00:17:43,281 --> 00:17:46,101 Да она же Гитлер! Ты убил бы Гитлера, если бы тебе выпала такая возможность?!
00:17:46,141 --> 00:17:47,341 Ладно, вот план.
00:17:47,371 --> 00:17:51,571 Сегодня, в 21.45 я тайком выйду из своей комнаты и покину дом, оставив заднюю дверь незапертой.
00:17:51,611 --> 00:17:53,751 Вы, ребят, заходите в дом ровно в 22.30...
00:17:53,791 --> 00:17:56,981 чтобы дать мне достаточно времени добраться в Перкинс, чтобы меня все там видели.
00:17:57,021 --> 00:17:59,321 Затем вы все четверо поднимаетесь по лестнице, чтобы убить мою маму.
00:17:59,361 --> 00:18:00,921 Чувак, мы не будем убивать твою маму.
00:18:00,961 --> 00:18:03,141 Но я ведь не могу её убить. Я - слишком очевидный подозреваемый.
00:18:03,171 --> 00:18:04,371 Когда доберётесь до её комнаты...
00:18:04,411 --> 00:18:06,631 ...Баттерс останется на стрёме, пока Кенни откроет дверь спальни
00:18:06,671 --> 00:18:09,221 ...Кайл закроет её голову подушкой, а Стэн выстрелит ей в лицо.
00:18:09,251 --> 00:18:10,681 А где я, по-твоему, пушку возьму?
00:18:10,711 --> 00:18:12,431 Откуда я знаю? Это твоя забота, Стэн!
00:18:12,471 --> 00:18:13,711 Я что, должен здесь обо всём думать?!
00:18:13,751 --> 00:18:14,871 Я ни в кого стрелять не буду.
00:18:14,911 --> 00:18:18,271 Ладно. Баттерс, накроешь подушкой голову моей мамы, а Кайл тогда выстрелит ей в лицо.
00:18:18,311 --> 00:18:19,401 НЕТ, КАРТМАН!
00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:22,001 Может, давайте я всё сделаю?! Как вам это?!
00:18:22,041 --> 00:18:24,241 Я всё сделаю, пока вы будете сидеть здесь и играть в видео-игры?!
00:18:25,131 --> 00:18:27,471 Ну и ладно!!! Сам всё сделаю!!!
00:18:42,341 --> 00:18:46,581 Ты меня вынудила к этому! Ты не могла меня просто любить, как сына.
00:18:46,611 --> 00:18:49,911 Обязательно нужно было меня оскорблять и унижать своими правилами.
00:18:49,951 --> 00:18:52,251 Не дам тебе больше доминировать в моей жизни!
00:18:53,561 --> 00:18:55,081 Прощай, мать.
00:18:57,821 --> 00:19:03,871 Минуточку. Может, у меня нет права убивать свою маму.
00:19:04,941 --> 00:19:07,571 Нет! Она моя мама, и я могу с ней делать, что захочу!
00:19:07,611 --> 00:19:09,161 Это тем более важно, что буду жить так, как хочу!
00:19:09,191 --> 00:19:12,181 Она не то, чем ты можешь владеть. Она - человек.
00:19:12,221 --> 00:19:14,661 Она не то, чем я могу владеть. Она - человек.
00:19:14,701 --> 00:19:17,271 Нет, она всего лишь причина твоих страданий!
00:19:17,301 --> 00:19:21,231 Эээ, может, все эти перемены мне на пользу. Может быть…
00:19:21,271 --> 00:19:23,701 Мир не крутится вокруг меня?
00:19:24,771 --> 00:19:28,241 Может, мир не крутится вокруг меня....
00:19:33,751 --> 00:19:37,121 Мир не крутится вокруг меня!
00:19:37,681 --> 00:19:40,391 Идиот!
00:20:01,531 --> 00:20:06,111 Эрик, ты сам себе завтрак приготовил…
00:20:06,141 --> 00:20:08,561 Да, мам, всё ОК. Это грейпфрут и нежирная ветчина.
00:20:08,601 --> 00:20:10,511 И ты занимаешься перед школой?
00:20:10,551 --> 00:20:13,821 Ты ведь мне сказала, что я должен повторить домашнюю работу перед занятиями.
00:20:13,851 --> 00:20:17,741 О, Эрик. Я так тобой горжусь
00:20:17,771 --> 00:20:19,951 Спа..спасибо?
00:20:19,991 --> 00:20:21,491 Люблю тебя, сладенький.
00:20:21,531 --> 00:20:23,441 Да ладно, мам, ты меня засмущала, господи.
00:20:25,491 --> 00:20:29,101 Сезар! Я так рада, что ты вернулся.
00:20:29,131 --> 00:20:30,541 И как ребёнок?
00:20:30,581 --> 00:20:34,501 Восхитительно! Думаю, перемены в личности произошли.
00:20:34,541 --> 00:20:38,071 Он всё делает сам, и, похоже, принимает это как должное.
00:20:38,111 --> 00:20:40,911 Я потеряла лучшего друга, но зато обрела сына.
00:20:40,951 --> 00:20:45,041 Так для него гораздо лучше, а когда он подрастёт, то сможет быть также и вашим другом.
00:20:45,081 --> 00:20:47,871 Ты лучше всех, Сезар, и, чтобы показать свою признательность...
00:20:47,901 --> 00:20:51,511 ...я взяла два билета для тебя и меня на Мадам Баттерфляй, на эту пятницу.
00:20:51,541 --> 00:20:54,541 Нет, моя работа окончена. Мне нужно возвращаться в Лос-Анджелес.
00:20:54,571 --> 00:20:58,511 Но я думала, что мы становимся друзьями.
00:20:58,541 --> 00:21:00,351 Нет, не совсем. Вы просто клиент.
00:21:00,391 --> 00:21:02,301 Что ж, удачи вам. Мне пора.
00:21:05,451 --> 00:21:09,111 Я прибрал со стола, мам. Мне нужно пойти наверх и убрать свою постель.
00:21:11,311 --> 00:21:16,431 Эрик, а ты не хочешь пойти со мной на Мадам Батерфляй в пятницу?
00:21:16,461 --> 00:21:17,901 Нет, не стоит.
00:21:17,931 --> 00:21:20,741 Кроме того, я сказал Стэну и Кайлу, что мы сможем в это время поработать над нашим научным проектом.
00:21:20,781 --> 00:21:24,261 А если я после этого свожу тебя в "Кентакки Фрайд Чикен"?
00:21:26,081 --> 00:21:29,151 А затем мы пойдём в универмаг и купим тебе Мега-Рэйнджера.
00:21:30,271 --> 00:21:34,011 А…может…двух Мега Рэйнджеров?
00:21:34,051 --> 00:21:37,781 Да, милый. Получишь всё, что захочешь.
00:21:44,811 --> 00:21:50,651 перевод, субтитры mulder mulder@hotbox.ru для southpark.org.ru

00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:12,013 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:13,723 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:13,848 --> 00:00:15,391 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:18,602 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,312 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,438 --> 00:00:21,647 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:25,151 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:25,276 --> 00:00:28,195 Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:32,950 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
00:00:34,326 --> 00:00:36,287 [ Bell rings ]
00:00:36,412 --> 00:00:40,041 Mrs. Cartman, we have had it with your son's behavior, m'kay.
00:00:40,166 --> 00:00:43,461 Little Billy Turner is now being treated at the hospital.
00:00:43,586 --> 00:00:46,255 Eric, why would you do such a thing?
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,883 I'm sorry I handcuffed Billy Turner's ankle
00:00:49,008 --> 00:00:50,176 to the school flagpole.
00:00:50,301 --> 00:00:51,761 You know that's not the point!
00:00:51,886 --> 00:00:54,138 Okay, I'm sorry I handcuffed Billy Turner's ankle
00:00:54,263 --> 00:00:56,265 to a flagpole and then gave him a hacksaw...
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,808 and then told him I had poisoned his lunch milk
00:00:57,933 --> 00:00:59,393 and the only way he could get to the antidote in time
00:00:59,518 --> 00:01:00,519 would be to saw through his leg.
00:01:00,644 --> 00:01:02,354 That's very naughty, Eric.
00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:03,731 Well, he called me chubby!
00:01:03,856 --> 00:01:06,150 We have tried at this school to make Eric understand
00:01:06,275 --> 00:01:07,818 that there are boundaries, m'kay.
00:01:07,943 --> 00:01:10,237 But frankly, we believe his behavioral problems
00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:11,280 start at home.
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:14,700 I know. I know he's out of control.
00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:17,411 But you don't know what it's like.
00:01:17,536 --> 00:01:20,206 [ Sobbing ]
00:01:20,331 --> 00:01:21,415 I'm sorry.
00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:25,419 It's just that he seems to get worse every day.
00:01:25,544 --> 00:01:28,380 He just never listens!
00:01:28,506 --> 00:01:30,508 [ Sobbing ]
00:01:30,633 --> 00:01:33,844 Well, nice going, asshole. You made my mom cry!
00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:37,223 It's not him. It's you, Eric!
00:01:37,348 --> 00:01:39,725 I don't know what to do with you.
00:01:39,850 --> 00:01:42,061 Sure you do. You're a great mom!
00:01:42,186 --> 00:01:44,313 ♪ Who's got the greatest mom in the world? ♪
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:45,564 ♪ I do ♪
00:01:45,689 --> 00:01:47,566 ♪ My mom is number one in my heart ♪
00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:49,068 ♪ It's true ♪
00:01:49,193 --> 00:01:51,529 ♪ My mom's the best mom, better than your mom ♪
00:01:51,654 --> 00:01:54,490 ♪ Let's sing it together in harmony ♪
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:57,034 Mrs. Cartman, I know this is extremely difficult,
00:01:57,159 --> 00:02:00,663 but there is help out there for people like you.
00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:04,959 Have you ever heard of a show called "Nanny 911"?
00:02:08,087 --> 00:02:10,714 MAN: <i>They're every parent's worst nightmare.</i>
00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:12,550 Shut up! I hate you! I hate you!
00:02:12,675 --> 00:02:15,469 <i>Kids completely out of control.</i>
00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:17,471 Look! I'm skating! I'm skating!
00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:21,183 <i>It's time to call "Nanny 911."</i>
00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:25,354 <i>We've gathered a team of world-class nannies</i>
00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:28,399 <i>to help families in crisis.</i>
00:02:28,524 --> 00:02:31,944 <i>Parents of America, help is on the way!</i>
00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:33,445 <i>Tonight...</i>
00:02:33,571 --> 00:02:35,823 Mom, I need another energy drink!
00:02:35,948 --> 00:02:39,368 <i>This 8-year-old son of a single parent just won't behave.</i>
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,704 [ Speaking German ]
00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:45,791 <i>And Nanny Stella is selected to set him straight!</i>
00:02:45,916 --> 00:02:47,501 [ British accent ] It's time for Nanny Stella
00:02:47,626 --> 00:02:48,586 to show Eric Cartman
00:02:48,711 --> 00:02:51,714 his ways are not going to be tolerated anymore!
00:02:54,884 --> 00:02:56,886 [ Knock on door ]
00:02:57,011 --> 00:03:00,139 Mom, are you deaf?! Somebody's at the door!
00:03:00,264 --> 00:03:02,683 Yes, I think it's the nanny, poopsiekins.
00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:05,394 Killer. I'm gonna be on TV now. [ Burps ]
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:07,605 Hello! I'm Nanny Stella!
00:03:07,730 --> 00:03:09,315 Oh, thank you so much for coming.
00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:10,941 Please come in.
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,485 And you must be Eric!
00:03:13,611 --> 00:03:14,862 Mom, I want a Twinkie.
00:03:14,987 --> 00:03:16,322 A-All right, dear.
00:03:16,447 --> 00:03:17,948 Hold on, Mrs. Cartman.
00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:20,826 There are going to be some rule changes around here, Eric.
00:03:20,951 --> 00:03:24,872 First of all, no video games until chores are done.
00:03:24,997 --> 00:03:26,874 [ Laughs ]
00:03:26,999 --> 00:03:28,250 I'm serious.
00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:30,336 Let's put down the video game and go to the kitchen.
00:03:30,461 --> 00:03:32,004 [ British accent ] No, thanks. I'd rather not.
00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:35,049 Right. Then I'm going to have to take it.
00:03:35,174 --> 00:03:36,759 What the hell do you think you're doing?
00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:37,927 Come on.
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:41,222 This video game is going right here on the counter
00:03:41,347 --> 00:03:42,681 until we've done some chores.
00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:46,685 Now, first thing we're going to do is make your bed.
00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:49,313 Eric, no! This is not acceptable!
00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:51,899 Stop trying to bogart my Xbox, you fat bitch!
00:03:52,024 --> 00:03:55,110 All right. That's it. You're going to time-out!
00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:56,195 Time-out?
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:57,363 Whenever you are naughty, Eric,
00:03:57,488 --> 00:04:01,617 you are going to sit on this stool for five minutes.
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:04,370 And what exactly keeps me on the stool?
00:04:04,495 --> 00:04:05,955 It's the time-out stool.
00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:09,208 You can't get down until the time is up.
00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:12,878 Whoa! How did I do that!?
00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:17,091 Eric, you have to stay in time-out!
00:04:17,216 --> 00:04:18,676 Um, no?
00:04:18,801 --> 00:04:21,011 Come on. You don't have a choice.
00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:23,264 All right. Seriously, you're starting to piss me off now.
00:04:23,389 --> 00:04:25,349 Eric, you need to listen to me.
00:04:25,474 --> 00:04:26,725 This is very important.
00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:28,477 I'm getting down to eye level with Eric
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:30,896 so that I can talk to him on his level.
00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:32,648 Eric, you need to understand
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:35,025 why you are being punished, all right?
00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:36,860 I'm just gonna get down as soon as you move.
00:04:36,986 --> 00:04:40,322 Well, then I'll just have to stand right here!
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:41,365 [ Snorts, spits ]
00:04:41,490 --> 00:04:42,408 Aah!
00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:45,202 He spit in my mouth!
00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:47,621 Yeah. It's best to avoid his level.
00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:50,374 All right. I've dealt with this before.
00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:52,793 We just need to use psychology on him.
00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:55,129 ♪ Don't stop believin' ♪
00:04:55,254 --> 00:04:57,506 ♪ Hold on to that feel-a-ee-ing ♪
00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:01,093 Eric, can I just talk to you for a quick second?
00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:03,220 Why are you so angry?
00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:04,972 Because you took my Xbox.
00:05:05,097 --> 00:05:07,057 Is this about more than your video game?
00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:08,434 Are you feeling angry at me
00:05:08,559 --> 00:05:11,312 because you think I'm here to change your life?
00:05:11,437 --> 00:05:13,314 Well...yeah.
00:05:13,439 --> 00:05:15,149 And you're feeling like I have no right
00:05:15,274 --> 00:05:17,609 to come in and tell you how to live.
00:05:17,735 --> 00:05:19,278 Yeah, I guess so.
00:05:19,403 --> 00:05:20,529 See this?
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:21,613 You have to take the time
00:05:21,739 --> 00:05:23,907 to talk to your children about their feelings.
00:05:24,033 --> 00:05:25,868 What else are you feeling, Eric?
00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:28,495 Well, I'm feeling confused,
00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:31,040 because I don't understand why you became a nanny.
00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:32,082 Me?
00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:35,294 Well, because I love children, like you.
00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:37,755 Right, but if you love children so much,
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:39,465 how come you're not a mommy?
00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:41,925 Oh, I just never had kids.
00:05:42,051 --> 00:05:43,385 Why not?
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:46,513 It just...didn't happen.
00:05:46,638 --> 00:05:48,307 You're sterile. Is that it?
00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:51,393 No. That's too convenient of an excuse.
00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:53,812 The truth is, nobody ever wanted to have babies with you.
00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:55,147 Isn't that it?
00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:57,191 Always the moms-maid, never the mom.
00:05:57,316 --> 00:06:00,235 Must be hard on you, knowing that the years are ticking away,
00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:01,653 your friends all getting married,
00:06:01,779 --> 00:06:04,156 and all the while your uterus slowly shriveling away,
00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:06,950 drying up, becoming totally worthless.
00:06:07,076 --> 00:06:10,829 Why, you -- you -- you little bastard!
00:06:10,954 --> 00:06:12,373 How dare you?!
00:06:12,498 --> 00:06:13,665 Eric, naughty.
00:06:13,791 --> 00:06:15,334 What kind of monster would --
00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:16,668 Yes! Let the anger come!
00:06:16,794 --> 00:06:18,212 Strike me down while you can!
00:06:18,337 --> 00:06:20,464 But it won't make your dried-up ovaries any more fertile!
00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:22,591 That's it! I'm not doing this!
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,343 Oh, but we really need some help!
00:06:24,468 --> 00:06:28,013 Find yourself another nanny... television show!
00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:29,139 [ Up-tempo music plays ]
00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:31,683 MAN: <i>Coming up next, it's "Supernanny"!</i>
00:06:31,809 --> 00:06:34,770 <i>Where other nannies fail, Nanny Jo comes through!</i>
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:37,272 [ Man vocalizing ]
00:06:37,398 --> 00:06:39,400 [ Music continues ]
00:06:44,530 --> 00:06:46,281 [ British accent ] This child's behavior
00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:48,492 is totally unacceptable!
00:06:50,661 --> 00:06:53,247 But there's no child too tough for Supernanny!
00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:54,665 In just three days' time,
00:06:54,790 --> 00:06:58,001 you're going to see a new Eric Cartman!
00:07:00,295 --> 00:07:02,214 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:06,009 I'm afraid Supernanny is in a deep state of mental psychosis.
00:07:06,135 --> 00:07:07,136 What do you mean?
00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:09,346 I mean she spends most of her time sobbing
00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:11,098 and eating her own excrement.
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:17,104 From hell.
00:07:17,229 --> 00:07:20,315 It's from hell!
00:07:20,441 --> 00:07:21,233 Oh, dear.
00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:22,693 I don't know what else to do
00:07:22,818 --> 00:07:24,695 about my son's behavioral problems.
00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:28,157 We've been through every nanny reality show on television.
00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:32,286 Well, there <i>is</i> one more show you could still try.
00:07:33,162 --> 00:07:35,122 - [ Dogs barking ] - MAN: <i>When good dogs go bad,</i>
00:07:35,247 --> 00:07:38,417 <i>there's one man who's their best friend.</i>
00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:40,252 <i>Cesar Millan.</i>
00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:42,713 CESAR: [ Spanish accent ] No dog is too much for me to handle.
00:07:42,838 --> 00:07:45,549 I rehabilitate dogs. I train people.
00:07:45,674 --> 00:07:48,051 I am the dog whisperer.
00:07:49,428 --> 00:07:50,596 [ Knock on door ]
00:07:50,721 --> 00:07:52,681 Please come in.
00:07:53,474 --> 00:07:54,933 So, tell me what are the problems
00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:56,101 you're having with the child.
00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:58,312 Well, he's just out of control.
00:07:58,437 --> 00:08:01,315 I mean, he never listens to me, and he pretty much runs my life.
00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:02,649 So the child needs to learn
00:08:02,774 --> 00:08:04,943 that he's not the most important person in the house.
00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:06,278 You can stop talking behind my back.
00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:07,488 I'm right here, fruitcake.
00:08:07,613 --> 00:08:08,822 See, I'm not looking at the child,
00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:09,990 I'm not acknowledging the child.
00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:12,409 I'm just letting the child know I'm not interested in him.
00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:13,494 Not interested in me?
00:08:13,619 --> 00:08:15,913 See, the child thinks your world revolves around him
00:08:16,038 --> 00:08:16,914 because it does,
00:08:17,039 --> 00:08:19,249 because everything he does gets a response from you.
00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:20,709 - Yeah. Well, I don't see why -- - Tsst!
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:21,502 Hey!
00:08:21,627 --> 00:08:23,170 Don't look at the child. Just keep looking at me.
00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:24,880 Let him know we are having a conversation.
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:26,048 - Mom, this guy doesn't -- - Tsst!
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:28,258 - Aah! Quit it! - What is that you're doing?
00:08:28,383 --> 00:08:30,802 Dogs show their dominance by nipping each other on the neck.
00:08:30,928 --> 00:08:32,554 But it works equally well on the child.
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:34,473 I just use two fingers and nip at the child's neck.
00:08:34,598 --> 00:08:36,475 Doesn't hurt the child. Just let him know I am dominant.
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,185 Look, Mexican, if you really think that --
00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:39,937 - Tsst! - Knock it off!
00:08:40,062 --> 00:08:40,562 Tsst!
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,731 See, I'm not validating his bad behavior
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,691 with either a negative or positive response.
00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:46,401 Oh! That's very interesting!
00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:48,070 I think the first thing we need to work on
00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:49,279 is getting the child some exercise.
00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:50,948 He's fat and he has all this pent-up energy that...
00:08:51,073 --> 00:08:53,075 - I'm not fat! - ...we need to let him burn off.
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,243 Do you take walks with your son?
00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:55,661 Well, no, I don't.
00:08:55,786 --> 00:08:58,038 Go on. Take your son for a walk.
00:08:58,163 --> 00:09:00,207 - [ Down-tempo music plays ] - Hey!
00:09:00,332 --> 00:09:02,000 You think this is funny, you son of a bitch?
00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:03,752 See, once again, I am the one going for a walk.
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:06,213 This is about me. The child is lucky enough to come along.
00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:08,340 - Mom, this is degrading! - Tsst!
00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:09,758 Aah! God damn it!
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,343 [ Screaming ]
00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:13,804 Don't look at him. Just look straight ahead.
00:09:13,929 --> 00:09:15,556 He'll run out of energy soon.
00:09:15,681 --> 00:09:17,766 [ Screaming ]
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:27,901 [ Weakly ] Mom.
00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:29,820 Mo-o-o-o-m!
00:09:29,945 --> 00:09:31,989 Here. Why don't you try it now? Take your son.
00:09:32,114 --> 00:09:33,991 Mom, seriously, people are seeing me!
00:09:34,116 --> 00:09:35,325 Good. Just keep your confidence.
00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:36,952 Shoulders back, eyes straight ahead.
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,662 The child can pick up on that confidence
00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:40,747 and learn he's supposed to follow you, not lead you.
00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:42,124 Mom, don't you love me?
00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:43,959 Can't you see I'm unhappy right now?
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,335 - Tsst! - Mom!
00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:47,963 Good, Mrs. Cartman. Very good!
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:52,384 MAN: <i>And now back to "The Dog Whisperer."</i>
00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:56,471 It is important to understand that dogs run in packs.
00:09:56,597 --> 00:10:00,642 And one dog is always dominant -- the pack leader.
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,311 God damn it! Stop ignoring me!
00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:06,523 You must assert yourself as pack leader with dominant energy.
00:10:06,648 --> 00:10:08,400 - All right! - This is abuse!
00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:10,902 I'm a child, and I'm entitled to attention!
00:10:11,028 --> 00:10:12,487 - Tsst! - Quit it, Mom!
00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:14,823 It doesn't seem to work as well when I do it.
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:18,243 Okay. Let me show you how to express the dominant energy.
00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:19,953 What I have done is I have brought over
00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:22,289 some Kentucky Fried Chicken.
00:10:22,414 --> 00:10:23,457 Ooh. Colonel?
00:10:23,582 --> 00:10:24,958 I am going to eat first,
00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:26,627 because that is what the pack leader does.
00:10:26,752 --> 00:10:28,879 Gim-- Gimme the chicken. Gimme some chicken!
00:10:29,004 --> 00:10:30,547 - Tsst! - What are you doing?
00:10:30,672 --> 00:10:32,591 I want chicken! Gimme some goddamn chicken!
00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:35,135 I am not going to acknowledge the child's attempt
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:36,803 at aggressive, dominant behavior.
00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:38,096 Now you eat the chicken.
00:10:38,221 --> 00:10:39,681 Mom, gimme -- gimme some chicken.
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:40,849 I want some chicken, Mom!
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,894 We won't reward him until he's in a calm, submissive behavior.
00:10:44,019 --> 00:10:45,896 God damn it! I am not a dog!
00:10:46,021 --> 00:10:47,606 Gimme the chicken. G-Gimme the chicken.
00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:48,607 I want the chicken. Chicken!
00:10:48,732 --> 00:10:50,567 Gimme chicken! Gimme chicken! Gimme chicken! Gimme chicken!
00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:53,695 We need him to become relaxed and submissive.
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,365 Okay. I'm fine. I'm cool now.
00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:58,033 May I have some chicken, please?
00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,826 Oh, very good, sweetie.
00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:01,203 No. No. Now he's lying.
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:03,830 You can tell from his stance he's still aggressive-dominant.
00:11:03,955 --> 00:11:06,083 Suck my asshole, taco bender!
00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:07,209 - See? - God damn it!
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,503 You can't stand here and eat KFC in front of me!
00:11:09,628 --> 00:11:10,629 - Now hand it over! - Tsst!
00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:12,673 You can't do that to me! I-- God damn it! This --
00:11:12,798 --> 00:11:13,965 Tsst!
00:11:14,091 --> 00:11:15,967 Eh. Eh.
00:11:17,928 --> 00:11:20,889 I am not being aggressive. I am being dominant.
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,517 Wow. I have a lot to learn.
00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:26,144 Mom, I'm serious. This has gone on long enough.
00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:29,481 Get that guy out of here and give me a piece of chicken.
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:32,025 That's how you want it, bitch? Fine!
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,904 I hate you! I'm running away!
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:36,988 - Oh, dear. - [ Door slams ]
00:11:37,114 --> 00:11:39,408 That's okay. This is all part of the dominant struggle.
00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:40,951 But what if he does run away?
00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:42,285 Let him go. He'll be back.
00:11:42,411 --> 00:11:44,204 This is a good opportunity for you to relax
00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:46,039 and enjoy your favorite hobby.
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:49,626 Oh, boy! Park Avenue! I'm rich!
00:11:49,751 --> 00:11:51,753 [ Door opens, closes ]
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:54,423 Hey, guys. I've got some pretty big news.
00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:56,341 [ Sighs ] I ran away from home.
00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:58,343 - [ Down-tempo music plays ] - Yeah.
00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:01,304 My mom just doesn't care about me anymore, so I moved out.
00:12:01,430 --> 00:12:03,265 She didn't even try to stop me.
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:06,476 It's gonna be tough living on my own, but I'll get by somehow.
00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:08,145 You can't stay here.
00:12:08,270 --> 00:12:10,313 Maybe you didn't hear me. I ran away.
00:12:10,439 --> 00:12:12,482 I don't have anywhere to sleep. I'm out on the streets.
00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:14,484 You're not staying at my house either.
00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:15,819 All right. That's fine.
00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:17,195 - Butters, I'll crash with you. - No.
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:20,031 My parents won't let me bring homeless people home anymore.
00:12:20,157 --> 00:12:22,033 Well, what do you guys expect me to do?
00:12:22,159 --> 00:12:24,244 Stay at Kenny's house? His family is totally poor!
00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:26,413 I'm not staying with poor people!
00:12:27,456 --> 00:12:29,958 All right. I'll stay with Kenny. Let's go, man.
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,752 - Mrph rmh. - Ugh!
00:12:31,877 --> 00:12:35,630 Well, I guess now we see just how supportive friends can be.
00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:37,799 When the chips are down, you won't even lend a hand!
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:40,552 I'll just go sleep on the street somewhere, out in the cold.
00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:43,513 Probably get mugged and gang-raped by some minorities.
00:12:43,638 --> 00:12:47,017 You guys will be sorry when I turn up dead!
00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:50,187 Whoopie! J&R Railroad!
00:12:50,312 --> 00:12:51,938 [ Doorbell rings ]
00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:53,899 Hey, Jimmy, you're not gonna believe this,
00:12:54,024 --> 00:12:56,151 but I ran away from home.
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,111 I just -- I really need the support
00:12:58,236 --> 00:13:00,030 of my best friend right now.
00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:02,324 Who's your best friend?
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:04,826 You are, Jimmy! We've always been best friends!
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:07,037 We know everything about each other!
00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:09,915 What's my last name?
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,002 God damn it.
00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:18,173 Craig. Dude. I ran away from home.
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,800 You're the first person I came to.
00:13:19,925 --> 00:13:21,676 I knew you'd take me in off the streets.
00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:24,471 But I hate you.
00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:27,974 Should that really matter at a time like this?
00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:30,936 [ Thunder rumbling ]
00:13:31,061 --> 00:13:33,021 This is bullcrap!
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:36,066 Mom will break soon. I can outlast her.
00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:38,401 [ Door closes ]
00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:41,905 All right. I'm back.
00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:44,366 Oh, Eric! I'm so happy you're home!
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,117 Yes. Well, hopefully you've learned your lesson.
00:13:46,243 --> 00:13:47,118 I've come back,
00:13:47,244 --> 00:13:48,954 but there's going to be some changes around here.
00:13:49,079 --> 00:13:50,121 Look what I did, Eric.
00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:51,998 I learned how to make sumi-e paintings!
00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:54,084 I'd almost forgotten how artistic I was.
00:13:54,209 --> 00:13:55,502 That's super interesting,
00:13:55,627 --> 00:13:58,255 but I've been out living on the streets for almost four hours.
00:13:58,380 --> 00:13:59,422 Make me something to eat.
00:13:59,548 --> 00:14:00,465 Cesar!
00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:01,758 How's the painting going?
00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:02,968 Oh, God damn it!
00:14:03,093 --> 00:14:04,177 Oh, look. It came back.
00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:05,679 Yep. Just like you said he would.
00:14:05,804 --> 00:14:07,055 What is he still doing here?
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:08,765 He said he's hungry. What should I do?
00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:10,392 Let's feed it.
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:12,394 CARTMAN: What the hell is this?
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:15,397 Skinless chicken, boiled vegetables, and salad?!
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:16,898 This is just like Auschwitz!
00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:19,484 This is more aggressive, dominant behavior.
00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:20,527 Don't nurture it.
00:14:20,652 --> 00:14:23,029 Oh, my God. Bite-size Snickers?
00:14:23,154 --> 00:14:23,864 That's it.
00:14:23,989 --> 00:14:27,075 I'm calling child protective services!
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,619 Come on, Mrs. Cartman. You must become pack leader.
00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:30,620 What do you do?
00:14:30,745 --> 00:14:32,163 Eric, if you don't want to eat,
00:14:32,289 --> 00:14:34,583 then why don't you just go brush your teeth and go to bed?
00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:36,126 No. You're asking him a favor.
00:14:36,251 --> 00:14:38,003 Don't ask a favor. Dominate.
00:14:38,587 --> 00:14:40,505 Mom, I want this guy out of here! You got it?!
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,007 If he's not gone in two minutes,
00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:44,259 I <i>will</i> call social services on you!
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,136 You project the dominant energy,
00:14:46,261 --> 00:14:48,555 and he will pick up on it, I promise.
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,682 Shoulders back, head high.
00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:53,435 Don't reason with it. Don't argue with it.
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,186 Just dominate it.
00:14:55,312 --> 00:14:57,522 I am your son, and you will listen to me!
00:14:57,647 --> 00:14:58,857 - You have no right to -- - Tsst!
00:14:58,982 --> 00:14:59,900 Mom, knock it off!
00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:01,192 - I'm not gonna stand for -- - Tsst!
00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:02,611 - Seriously, Mom -- - Tsst!
00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:04,404 This is -- Why are you doing this?
00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:05,614 - Tsst! Tsst! - Mom!
00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:08,575 Ma...Ma...
00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:10,994 I did it!
00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:16,333 You see? You were calm, assertive, and in control.
00:15:20,128 --> 00:15:22,255 Oh! Oh, my gosh!
00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:24,883 See? This is the behavior we've been looking for.
00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:26,927 This is a relaxed, submissive state.
00:15:27,052 --> 00:15:29,304 - He's never done this before. - Good.
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:32,140 Now you can reward the behavior with praise and attention.
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:34,017 I love you very much, poopsiekins.
00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:37,103 You're Mommy's sunshine.
00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:38,605 Now you can give him a snack.
00:15:41,775 --> 00:15:42,943 Good. This is really good.
00:15:43,068 --> 00:15:44,361 Now try a command.
00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:47,197 Eric, I want you to go upstairs and brush your teeth.
00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:50,533 Then I'll be up to read you a story before bed.
00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:54,579 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
00:15:56,915 --> 00:15:59,209 Oh, my goodness. I can't believe it.
00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:00,669 This is a great first step.
00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:03,630 But you're going to have to stay firm and confident.
00:16:03,755 --> 00:16:05,340 You are the pack leader now.
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:06,883 I am the pack leader!
00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:08,635 Now, before you go read your son a story,
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,387 let's go enjoy a nice, quiet cup of tea.
00:16:10,512 --> 00:16:11,972 Sounds divine.
00:16:12,681 --> 00:16:15,642 Who does she think she is telling me to go brush my teeth?
00:16:21,773 --> 00:16:25,235 Jesus. What's happening to me?
00:16:29,364 --> 00:16:31,700 So, how is your son doing, Mrs. Cartman?
00:16:31,825 --> 00:16:33,451 Oh, he's been amazing, Cesar.
00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:35,412 He got an "A" on his last spelling test
00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:37,080 and a B-plus in history.
00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:39,249 He's losing weight, and he's doing what I tell him.
00:16:39,374 --> 00:16:40,291 That's great!
00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:43,128 The best part is I'm not letting him boss me around anymore.
00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:45,338 I could have never come out and had a nice lunch
00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:47,716 on a Saturday afternoon with a friend before!
00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:48,633 Good, Mrs. Cartman.
00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:50,385 Sounds like you're treating your son like a son
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:51,720 and not like a friend.
00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:53,346 There's just one problem.
00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:55,640 He still fights me every step of the way.
00:16:55,765 --> 00:16:58,018 I feel like he's doing what I tell him
00:16:58,143 --> 00:17:01,688 but that inside he's still the same angry, spoiled child.
00:17:01,813 --> 00:17:02,605 Don't worry.
00:17:02,731 --> 00:17:03,940 When you correct the behavior,
00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:07,068 eventually you will see a change in the personality.
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:10,321 Oh, Cesar, I'm so happy to have you in my life.
00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:13,491 [ Door opens, closes ]
00:17:14,784 --> 00:17:15,827 Guys, listen up.
00:17:15,952 --> 00:17:17,412 I really need your help this time.
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:18,913 I've thought about it a lot,
00:17:19,039 --> 00:17:21,541 and I've decided I have to kill my mom.
00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:22,834 Kill your mom?
00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:24,836 She doesn't let me wear whatever I want anymore.
00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:26,463 Things have really gotten out of hand.
00:17:26,588 --> 00:17:28,423 My mom must die so I can have a place to live,
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,091 but without her trying to run my life.
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:32,510 She's like Hitler with all the demands she makes.
00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:33,595 Dude, have you lost more weight?
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,680 Yes! I've lost almost 10 pounds now!
00:17:35,805 --> 00:17:36,681 You see what I mean?
00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:39,184 I totally know how it felt to be a Jew in the Holocaust now.
00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:41,352 I have to kill my mom. It's my only way out.
00:17:41,478 --> 00:17:43,229 Dude, don't kill your mom. That's not cool.
00:17:43,354 --> 00:17:44,397 She's Hitler.
00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:46,274 Would you have killed Hitler if you had the chance?
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:47,442 All right. Now, here's the plan.
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,486 At 9:45 tonight, I will sneak out of my room
00:17:49,611 --> 00:17:51,446 and leave the house, leaving the back door unlocked.
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:54,074 You guys come into the house at 10:30 p.m. sharp,
00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:55,700 having given me enough time to get down to Perkins
00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:57,035 and be seen by everyone there.
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,120 And then all four of you go upstairs to kill my mom.
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:00,955 Dude, we're not killing your mom.
00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:03,166 Well, <i>I</i> can't kill her. I'm too obvious a suspect.
00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:05,085 When you reach her room, Butters will keep a lookout
00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:06,419 while Kenny opens the bedroom door,
00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:07,796 Kyle puts a pillow over my mom's head,
00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:09,255 and Stan shoots her in the face.
00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:10,548 Where am I supposed to get a gun?
00:18:10,673 --> 00:18:12,217 Well, I don't know. That's your job, Stan!
00:18:12,342 --> 00:18:13,551 Do I have to think of everything here?
00:18:13,676 --> 00:18:14,844 I'm not shooting anybody.
00:18:14,969 --> 00:18:17,055 Okay. Fine. Butters, you cover my mom's head with a pillow.
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:19,390 - Kyle can shoot her in the face. - No, Cartman!
00:18:19,516 --> 00:18:21,059 Oh. Well, how about I just do everything?
00:18:21,184 --> 00:18:22,769 How does that sound? I'll just do everything
00:18:22,894 --> 00:18:24,354 while you guys sit here and play video games!
00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:28,233 Fine! I'll do it by myself!
00:18:28,358 --> 00:18:30,610 [ Insects chirping ]
00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:31,778 [ Clock ticking ]
00:18:31,903 --> 00:18:34,114 [ Door opens, hinges squeak ]
00:18:34,239 --> 00:18:36,866 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,374 You forced me to do this.
00:18:44,499 --> 00:18:46,376 You couldn't just love me as a son.
00:18:47,252 --> 00:18:50,213 You just had to humiliate and degrade me with your rules.
00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:53,466 I won't let you dominate my life anymore.
00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:55,635 Goodbye, Mother.
00:18:58,596 --> 00:18:59,973 [ Thinking ] Wait.
00:19:00,098 --> 00:19:01,724 Maybe...
00:19:01,850 --> 00:19:04,561 Maybe I don't have the right to kill my mom.
00:19:04,686 --> 00:19:06,062 No! She's my mom.
00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:07,480 I can do whatever I want with her!
00:19:07,605 --> 00:19:10,024 It's more important I live the way I want!
00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:12,318 She isn't an object you can own. She's a human being.
00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:14,654 She isn't an object I can own. S-She's a human being.
00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:17,115 No! Kill her! No! She's making you suffer!
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:18,283 [ Grunts ]
00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:20,410 Maybe all these changes <i>are</i> good for me.
00:19:20,535 --> 00:19:21,661 Maybe...
00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:24,372 The world doesn't revolve around me?
00:19:25,415 --> 00:19:29,085 Maybe the world doesn't revolve around me.
00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:31,296 [ Gagging ]
00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:37,510 The...world doesn't revolve around me!
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:40,138 Aah!
00:19:41,973 --> 00:19:44,726 Aaaaah!
00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:46,352 Aaaaah!
00:19:57,906 --> 00:19:59,574 [ Gasps ]
00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:06,039 Why, Eric! You made your own breakfast!
00:20:06,164 --> 00:20:08,499 Yeah, Mom. It's okay. It's grapefruit and lean ham.
00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:10,501 And you're studying before school?
00:20:10,627 --> 00:20:12,629 Well, you told me I had to review my homework
00:20:12,754 --> 00:20:13,838 before class started.
00:20:14,964 --> 00:20:17,634 Oh, Eric. I'm very proud of you.
00:20:17,759 --> 00:20:19,928 T-Thank you?
00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:21,221 I love you, sweetie.
00:20:21,346 --> 00:20:23,056 Okay, Mom. You're embarrassing me. Geez!
00:20:23,181 --> 00:20:25,391 [ Doorbell rings ]
00:20:26,601 --> 00:20:29,312 Cesar, I'm so happy you're back!
00:20:29,437 --> 00:20:30,605 How is the child doing?
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,023 Oh, he's amazing.
00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:34,484 I think the change in personality happened.
00:20:34,609 --> 00:20:36,152 He's doing things for himself now,
00:20:36,277 --> 00:20:37,820 and he seems to be accepting it.
00:20:37,946 --> 00:20:40,907 I've lost a best friend, but I've gained a son.
00:20:41,032 --> 00:20:42,408 That's much healthier for him.
00:20:42,533 --> 00:20:45,036 And when he gets older, he'll be able to be your friend, too.
00:20:45,161 --> 00:20:46,371 You're the best, Cesar.
00:20:46,496 --> 00:20:49,332 And to show my gratitude, I've got two tickets for you and me
00:20:49,457 --> 00:20:51,584 to see "Madam Butterfly" this Friday night.
00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:52,961 Well, no. My work is done.
00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:54,545 I've got to get back to Los Angeles.
00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:58,424 Oh. But I thought we were becoming friends.
00:20:58,549 --> 00:21:00,301 No, not really. You're just a client.
00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:03,346 Well, good luck to you. Got to go!
00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:07,600 I cleared up the table, Mom.
00:21:07,725 --> 00:21:10,645 I'm gonna go upstairs and make my bed now.
00:21:12,063 --> 00:21:14,482 Eric, how would you like to go with me
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,776 to see "Madam Butterfly" Friday night?
00:21:16,901 --> 00:21:17,902 No, that's okay.
00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:19,153 Besides, I told Stan and Kyle
00:21:19,279 --> 00:21:20,738 we could work on our science project then.
00:21:20,863 --> 00:21:22,240 Well, what if I took you
00:21:22,365 --> 00:21:24,617 to Kentucky Fried Chicken afterward?
00:21:26,369 --> 00:21:29,247 And then we'll go to Target, and I'll buy you a Megaranger.
00:21:30,373 --> 00:21:34,502 Could I perhaps have... two Megarangers?
00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:38,298 Yes, darling. You can have whatever you want.
00:21:38,423 --> 00:21:41,968 [ Ominous operatic music plays ]

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