Возвращение Шефа — Шеф уезжает из Южного Парка и вступает в «Супер-клуб путешественников». Когда он возвращается, друзья замечают, что с ним что-то не так.

Предыдущая серия S09 E14 Кровавая Мэри

Следующая серия S10 E02 Угроза самодовольства!

Возвращение Шефа

The Return of Chef

Сезон: 10Серия: 01

Описание

Шеф уезжает из Южного Парка и вступает в «Супер-клуб путешественников». Когда он возвращается, друзья замечают, что с ним что-то не так.

Субтитры

00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:11,971 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
00:00:12,096 --> 00:00:13,681 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:13,806 --> 00:00:15,349 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:15,474 --> 00:00:18,561 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,271 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,396 --> 00:00:21,605 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
00:00:21,731 --> 00:00:25,151 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:25,276 --> 00:00:28,112 Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
00:00:28,237 --> 00:00:32,992 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:39,832 You guys! You guys!
00:00:39,957 --> 00:00:41,625 Chef is going away.
00:00:42,460 --> 00:00:44,295 Going away? For how long?
00:00:45,254 --> 00:00:46,589 Forever.
00:00:46,714 --> 00:00:48,966 I'm sorry, boys.
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:51,385 Chef said he's been bored,
00:00:51,510 --> 00:00:53,929 so he's joining a group called the Super Adventure Club.
00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:55,514 Wow!
00:00:55,639 --> 00:00:58,100 Chef, what kind of questions do you think
00:00:58,225 --> 00:01:00,978 adventuring around the world is gonna answer?!
00:01:01,103 --> 00:01:04,190 What's the meaning of life? Why are we here?
00:01:04,315 --> 00:01:06,358 I hope you're making the right choice.
00:01:06,484 --> 00:01:07,943 I'm gonna miss him.
00:01:08,069 --> 00:01:10,237 I'm gonna miss Chef, and I --
00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:12,448 and I don't know how to tell him!
00:01:13,074 --> 00:01:14,700 Dude, how are we gonna go on?
00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:17,536 Chef was our f-friend.
00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,705 And we will all miss you, Chef.
00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:22,583 But we know you must do what your heart tells you.
00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:26,087 - Bye-bye! - Goodbye!
00:01:26,212 --> 00:01:28,172 - So long, Chef! - So long! Bye, Chef!
00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:29,423 Goodbye, Chef!
00:01:29,548 --> 00:01:31,884 Have a great time with the Super Adventure Club!
00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:33,302 Goodbye.
00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:37,139 - See you later! - Bye, Chef!
00:01:44,146 --> 00:01:48,818 <i>And now part two of "Life Without Chef."</i>
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:51,695 Draw two cards, fat-ass.
00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:54,073 Reverse to you, Jew.
00:01:54,198 --> 00:01:56,450 I'll get it.
00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:00,371 Hello, there, children!
00:02:00,496 --> 00:02:01,747 He's back!
00:02:01,872 --> 00:02:03,707 - Yeah! - Yeah! All right!
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,254 Chef, I can't believe you're back!
00:02:08,379 --> 00:02:09,797 Well, it's true.
00:02:09,922 --> 00:02:11,090 But are you back for good?!
00:02:11,215 --> 00:02:12,424 That's right.
00:02:12,550 --> 00:02:15,344 Hey, everybody, Chef's back!
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:17,680 - All right! Yeah! - Huh? Oh!
00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:19,223 Oh, finally!
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,020 That's great! That's great!
00:02:25,146 --> 00:02:26,856 Wow. It seems like you had a great time
00:02:26,981 --> 00:02:28,566 with the Super Adventure Club, Chef.
00:02:28,691 --> 00:02:30,526 They sound like really interesting people.
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:31,735 Yeah.
00:02:31,861 --> 00:02:32,987 But now that you're back here,
00:02:33,112 --> 00:02:35,990 does that mean you're not in the Super Adventure Club anymore?
00:02:36,615 --> 00:02:37,908 No, no!
00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:40,035 Oh, so have you decided you can still belong
00:02:40,161 --> 00:02:41,328 to the Super Adventure Club
00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:43,414 but live here in South Park again?
00:02:43,539 --> 00:02:44,790 That's right!
00:02:44,915 --> 00:02:46,667 Well, it seems like the Super Adventure Club
00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:47,960 was just what you needed, Chef.
00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:49,587 You must be feeling very happy
00:02:49,712 --> 00:02:51,589 that you found a club to belong to with new friends
00:02:51,714 --> 00:02:53,382 but that you can also live here in South Park
00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:56,969 with all your old friends whom you care for deeply, right?
00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:58,929 That's right! Randy!
00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:01,891 Yeah. Yeah!
00:03:02,016 --> 00:03:04,101 Well, Chef, you're welcome to stay here with me
00:03:04,226 --> 00:03:05,644 until you buy another house.
00:03:05,769 --> 00:03:08,647 Thank you. Jimbo.
00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:09,690 Well, come on, everybody.
00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:12,067 I'm sure Chef would like a little time to get moved in.
00:03:12,193 --> 00:03:13,861 That's right! Thank you!
00:03:13,986 --> 00:03:15,654 Goodbye! Everybody!
00:03:15,779 --> 00:03:17,072 - Later! - Great to have you back!
00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:18,449 - Bye-bye! - See you, Chef!
00:03:18,574 --> 00:03:20,367 See you later, Chef! Bye!
00:03:20,492 --> 00:03:23,329 Well, I guess we'll see you in school tomorrow, Chef.
00:03:23,454 --> 00:03:25,623 You bet. Goodbye!
00:03:25,748 --> 00:03:27,917 Children!
00:03:29,335 --> 00:03:30,127 Right.
00:03:30,252 --> 00:03:32,338 Uh, see ya.
00:03:33,422 --> 00:03:34,924 Uh, guys...
00:03:35,049 --> 00:03:38,385 did Chef seem a little, uh, trippy to you?
00:03:41,347 --> 00:03:43,307 Well, look. He said he's happier now.
00:03:43,432 --> 00:03:45,059 Maybe he just needs to rest up a little.
00:03:45,184 --> 00:03:47,311 Yeah, I'm sure whatever that Super Adventure Club does
00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:49,063 - is pretty tiring. - Yeah. Look, whatever.
00:03:49,188 --> 00:03:50,397 I'm just glad he's back for good.
00:03:50,522 --> 00:03:51,857 Mrph rm rph.
00:03:54,026 --> 00:03:55,069 It's really weird what he said.
00:03:55,194 --> 00:03:56,487 I don't know. It kind of confused me.
00:03:56,612 --> 00:03:57,488 Oh, boy! Oh, boy!
00:03:57,613 --> 00:03:59,782 I can't wait to have Chef's lunch food again!
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,951 Yeah. I hope he makes his Salisbury steak
00:04:02,076 --> 00:04:02,868 with buttered noodles!
00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:04,912 - You guys, you guys! - What?
00:04:05,037 --> 00:04:06,538 Something's wrong with Chef.
00:04:06,664 --> 00:04:08,749 He's saying some really weird stuff.
00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:10,417 Like what?
00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:13,963 I think -- I think he wants to have sex with me.
00:04:14,088 --> 00:04:15,464 What?
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,049 I got to -- I got to go.
00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:20,511 Weirdo.
00:04:20,636 --> 00:04:22,346 Hello, there, children!
00:04:22,471 --> 00:04:23,472 - Hey, Chef! - Mrph rm!
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,224 - How's it going? - Good.
00:04:25,349 --> 00:04:27,393 Well, how about I meet you boys after work, and we...
00:04:27,518 --> 00:04:29,561 ♪ Make love ♪
00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:32,731 Excuse me?
00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:33,857 Come on, children.
00:04:33,983 --> 00:04:36,068 You're my sexual fantasy.
00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:39,405 Let's all make sweet love.
00:04:40,906 --> 00:04:43,284 Chef, a-are you okay?
00:04:43,409 --> 00:04:45,411 ♪ I want to stick my balls ♪
00:04:45,536 --> 00:04:47,955 Inside your rectum. Kyle.
00:04:49,540 --> 00:04:51,166 Dude, what are you saying?
00:04:51,292 --> 00:04:52,835 ♪ I'm gonna make love to ♪
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,212 Your asshole, children.
00:04:57,715 --> 00:04:58,757 What?!
00:04:59,717 --> 00:05:02,094 Hi, kids. I'm Detective Jarvis.
00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:04,888 Uh, I need to ask you all some difficult questions
00:05:05,014 --> 00:05:07,474 about your school cafeteria chef.
00:05:07,599 --> 00:05:09,101 This doesn't make any sense!
00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:11,687 We have some information that all this time,
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:15,065 Chef has been, and still is, a pedophile.
00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:16,900 No, he's not.
00:05:17,026 --> 00:05:18,652 Uh-huh.
00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:20,571 No, he's not.
00:05:20,696 --> 00:05:22,656 Yeah. Yeah, he is so.
00:05:22,781 --> 00:05:24,241 What's a pedal file?
00:05:24,366 --> 00:05:27,453 Now, we need some testimony in order to arrest Chef,
00:05:27,578 --> 00:05:31,040 so I'm gonna use this doll to ask you kids a few questions.
00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:34,877 Did Chef ever touch any of you here?
00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:35,836 No!
00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:38,172 Okay. Did he touch you here?
00:05:38,297 --> 00:05:39,089 No!
00:05:39,715 --> 00:05:41,633 Did he ever do this?
00:05:41,759 --> 00:05:42,843 How about this?
00:05:42,968 --> 00:05:44,219 BI-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl!
00:05:44,345 --> 00:05:46,472 My Uncle Bud did that to me once!
00:05:47,431 --> 00:05:50,351 Did Chef ever try one of these on for size?
00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:52,853 God damn it! Chef isn't like that!
00:05:52,978 --> 00:05:54,396 Something funny is going on here!
00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:56,523 Young man, will you please pay attention?
00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:58,275 This is very important stuff!
00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:01,445 Oh! Ooh.
00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:11,914 Hello, there, children!
00:06:13,207 --> 00:06:16,335 Chef, the police are asking questions about you.
00:06:16,460 --> 00:06:17,336 Oh, really?
00:06:17,461 --> 00:06:19,171 Well, let's all go home and...
00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:20,422 ♪ Make love ♪
00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:22,883 No, Chef, we don't want to make love to you.
00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:26,428 Kenny, how would you like to sodomize my black ass?!
00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:27,596 Chef! Chef!
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:28,764 You need to get out of here
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:30,474 before you get arrested, all right?!
00:06:30,599 --> 00:06:33,644 I specializes in your asshole, Kyle.
00:06:37,815 --> 00:06:39,900 Man, I can't believe all this time
00:06:40,025 --> 00:06:41,902 Chef just wanted us for sex.
00:06:42,027 --> 00:06:43,946 He didn't want us for sex, fat-ass!
00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:45,781 Something is making him say those things.
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:46,907 Mrph rm?
00:06:47,032 --> 00:06:49,159 Something must have happened to Chef while he was gone.
00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:50,202 Maybe he hit his head
00:06:50,327 --> 00:06:52,538 or got stuck in some quantum time vortex.
00:06:52,663 --> 00:06:54,248 Look, he spent the last three months
00:06:54,373 --> 00:06:55,332 with that adventurers' club.
00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:56,875 Maybe they know what happened to him.
00:06:57,000 --> 00:07:00,963 Mrph! Rmhmhm rm mrph rphmrmhmhm rm rmphmhm rm!
00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:01,797 Yeah!
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:03,507 All right! Come on, guys!
00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:15,185 Hey, guys. You know what they call a Jewish woman's boobs?
00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:16,311 Joobs.
00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:25,195 May I help you?
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:28,532 Uh, hi. Can we speak to the head guy or something?
00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:30,075 Right this way.
00:07:32,161 --> 00:07:34,872 Now, the upper rim of Kilimanjaro
00:07:34,997 --> 00:07:37,374 should be quite a trek, and so we'll need to have a --
00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:38,584 Excuse me, sir.
00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:40,711 These boys wanted to speak with you.
00:07:40,836 --> 00:07:43,297 Ah, yes! Splendid! Good afternoon, lads!
00:07:43,422 --> 00:07:46,300 I'm head adventurer William P. Connelly, Esquire.
00:07:46,425 --> 00:07:48,343 Welcome to the Super Adventure Club!
00:07:48,469 --> 00:07:49,261 - Jolly-o! - Cheers!
00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:50,304 - Hello! - Indeed!
00:07:50,429 --> 00:07:51,930 Uh, hi.
00:07:52,055 --> 00:07:53,765 Our friend joined your club a while back,
00:07:53,891 --> 00:07:56,185 and now he wants to molest kids.
00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:58,937 What?
00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:01,023 Well -- Well, yes, of course!
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:03,358 That's what the Super Adventure Club does!
00:08:03,942 --> 00:08:04,693 Huh?
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:07,237 We travel the world and have sex with children.
00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:09,406 Yes. What else would we do?
00:08:10,199 --> 00:08:11,909 Well, we thought you went exploring
00:08:12,034 --> 00:08:13,494 and, like, hunting and stuff.
00:08:13,619 --> 00:08:15,496 No, no. That's the Adventure Club.
00:08:15,621 --> 00:08:17,080 We're the <i>Super</i> Adventure Club.
00:08:17,206 --> 00:08:21,001 Next week, we will be heading to the outer banks of the Amazon,
00:08:21,126 --> 00:08:22,294 where we will make camp
00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:24,796 and have sex with children of the Ugani tribe.
00:08:24,922 --> 00:08:26,840 Then it's off to the mighty Himalayas,
00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:28,217 where we will climb K2
00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:30,844 and molest several Tibetan children on the east summit.
00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:32,262 Dude!
00:08:32,387 --> 00:08:33,931 I know! But it gets even better!
00:08:34,056 --> 00:08:36,433 From there, we will kayak to the fruitful banks
00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:37,809 of the Mili River in Africa,
00:08:37,935 --> 00:08:40,812 where the secret and mysterious Hanini people have children
00:08:40,938 --> 00:08:43,524 who have never seen a white man's erect penis.
00:08:43,649 --> 00:08:45,734 Of course, we're always looking for kids to have sex with
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,361 on the plane rides over to these places.
00:08:47,486 --> 00:08:50,739 So how would you all like to join the Super Adventure Club?!
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:52,449 No!
00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:54,076 No?
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:55,494 Oh, really?
00:08:55,619 --> 00:08:58,622 Perhaps I should ask you again.
00:09:00,624 --> 00:09:03,335 How would you like to join the Super Adventure Club?
00:09:05,837 --> 00:09:06,880 No.
00:09:10,551 --> 00:09:11,802 Dude, what are you doing?
00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:14,221 Oh, well. It doesn't work on everybody.
00:09:14,346 --> 00:09:15,639 Well, so long, then.
00:09:15,764 --> 00:09:17,015 Just what the hell is that thing?!
00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:19,184 What? What thing? I don't see anything.
00:09:19,309 --> 00:09:21,812 - Ha! I knew it! - Knew what?
00:09:21,937 --> 00:09:24,565 The reason Chef has been saying those terrible things about us
00:09:24,690 --> 00:09:28,652 is because he's been brainwashed by this fruity little club!
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,825 Oh, son of a bitch!
00:09:39,204 --> 00:09:40,122 Come on, children.
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:40,998 Let's all go home and...
00:09:41,123 --> 00:09:42,374 ♪ Make love ♪
00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:44,001 You need to see a psychiatrist, Chef.
00:09:44,126 --> 00:09:45,002 It's for your own good.
00:09:45,127 --> 00:09:46,044 I'd just like to...
00:09:46,169 --> 00:09:46,878 ♪ Make love ♪
00:09:47,004 --> 00:09:48,046 Up your butt.
00:09:48,171 --> 00:09:49,423 Oh, my God!
00:09:49,548 --> 00:09:51,049 Mr. Chef, is it?
00:09:51,174 --> 00:09:52,759 All right. Come on.
00:09:55,804 --> 00:09:58,265 Hello. I'm Dr. Neeland. What can I do for you today?
00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:00,267 Hi. Our friend has been brainwashed
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:02,686 by some fruity little club.
00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:04,187 Brainwashed?
00:10:04,313 --> 00:10:06,106 Yeah, he joined the Super Adventure Club,
00:10:06,231 --> 00:10:08,483 and they convinced him having sex with kids was okay
00:10:08,609 --> 00:10:10,360 with a little thing that goes:.
00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:12,863 I thought that club was for hiking and kayaking.
00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:14,114 No, that's the Adventure Club.
00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:16,074 The <i>Super</i> Adventure Club has sex with children.
00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:17,326 Oh.
00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:18,910 Oh! That's right. Yeah.
00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:22,456 Doctor, do you have...children?
00:10:22,581 --> 00:10:24,791 Why, yes. I have two young boys.
00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:28,128 Have y'all been sodomizing your childrens, too?!
00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,589 You say he's never been like this before?
00:10:30,714 --> 00:10:32,299 No. Chef has always been super cool.
00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:34,134 ♪ I'm gonna make love to ♪
00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:36,261 The children.
00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:38,013 He's pretty brainwashed, all right.
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:39,348 Worst case I've ever seen.
00:10:39,473 --> 00:10:40,390 So what can we do?
00:10:40,515 --> 00:10:42,225 I'm afraid there's no simple answer.
00:10:42,351 --> 00:10:45,103 When somebody is brainwashed, it can take months, even years,
00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:46,271 to reverse the process.
00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:47,939 But we don't have years!
00:10:48,065 --> 00:10:50,275 If Chef keeps this up, he's gonna go to jail forever!
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,861 Tell me -- What was Chef's favorite thing to do
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:55,238 before it was having sex with children?
00:10:55,364 --> 00:10:56,615 Having sex with <i>women.</i>
00:10:56,740 --> 00:10:57,658 Then that's it!
00:10:57,783 --> 00:11:00,702 We'd better get your friend to the Peppermint Hippo right away.
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,500 All right, guys. Be sure to tip your waitresses.
00:11:06,625 --> 00:11:07,501 This is a two-for-one.
00:11:07,626 --> 00:11:10,337 Put your hands together. This is Monica.
00:11:12,464 --> 00:11:15,175 Aw, come on, children. Let's go home.
00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:16,385 This isn't working.
00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:18,804 Well, let's give it some more time, kids.
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:21,848 Would you like a dance?
00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:24,434 No, thanks. We're trying to un-brainwash our friend.
00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:26,228 Dance?
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:28,772 Anybody want a dance?
00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:32,943 Come on, bitch. Dance.
00:11:33,068 --> 00:11:34,319 Up yours, fatty.
00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:35,612 Bitch, I'll twist your nuts off.
00:11:35,737 --> 00:11:37,114 All right, guys. How we feeling out there?
00:11:37,239 --> 00:11:38,657 We got a featured dancer coming up next.
00:11:38,782 --> 00:11:42,911 Put your hands together for Spantaneous Bootay.
00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:50,544 Come on, guys. We might as well go.
00:11:54,506 --> 00:11:55,799 God damn!
00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:56,925 Chef, we're leaving.
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,177 No, no. Wait. Let him go.
00:12:03,807 --> 00:12:05,684 Come here, sugar.
00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:10,313 BI-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl!
00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:14,359 BI-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl!
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:19,740 Wait a minute.
00:12:19,865 --> 00:12:21,241 He's remembering!
00:12:21,366 --> 00:12:23,869 Children, what have I done?
00:12:23,994 --> 00:12:25,704 It's okay, Chef. Go on. Remember!
00:12:25,829 --> 00:12:27,581 ♪ I'm gonna -- I'm gonna -- ♪
00:12:27,706 --> 00:12:30,000 Come on, Chef. You can do it!
00:12:30,584 --> 00:12:34,212 ♪ I'm gonna make love to you, woman ♪
00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:37,424 ♪ Gonna lay you down by the fire ♪
00:12:37,549 --> 00:12:39,593 - Yay! - Mrph rm!
00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:42,804 Hey, children, everybody! I'm back!
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:44,890 Ow!
00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:48,143 Great shot, William. Hit him with another.
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:49,686 Oh!
00:12:50,479 --> 00:12:52,397 - Chef! - Mrph!
00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:58,695 Tally-ho, lads!
00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,489 I must say you're starting to become
00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:02,741 quite a thorn in my balls.
00:13:02,866 --> 00:13:04,117 Where's Chef? What have you done with him?
00:13:04,242 --> 00:13:06,077 He's safe.
00:13:06,203 --> 00:13:08,371 He's fasting in the deprivation room
00:13:08,497 --> 00:13:10,791 and being read the Super Adventure Club manual.
00:13:10,916 --> 00:13:13,168 We've got to undo the damage you've done.
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:15,879 Look, if you want to go around the world molesting kids,
00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:18,298 that's totally fine, but why do you need Chef?
00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:20,967 We don't need him. He needs us!
00:13:21,092 --> 00:13:23,220 Our club offers hope.
00:13:23,345 --> 00:13:25,764 You think we go around the world molesting children
00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:28,725 just because it feels really, really, really, really good?
00:13:28,850 --> 00:13:29,726 No!
00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:31,353 Our club has a message
00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:34,314 and a secret that explains the mysteries of life.
00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:36,149 Oh, Jesus. Here we go.
00:13:36,274 --> 00:13:37,400 Very well.
00:13:37,526 --> 00:13:39,361 I'm now going to tell you the secret
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:40,779 of the Super Adventure Club.
00:13:40,904 --> 00:13:42,030 We don't want to hear it.
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:44,491 You see, the Super Adventure Club was founded
00:13:44,616 --> 00:13:48,286 by the greatest explorer of all time, William P. Phineas!
00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:50,664 Phineas climbed the highest peaks,
00:13:50,789 --> 00:13:52,499 tamed the mightiest rivers!
00:13:52,624 --> 00:13:54,167 But every time he got somewhere,
00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:57,379 he realized that other explorers had beat him to it.
00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:59,422 Phineas was depressed until he realized
00:13:59,548 --> 00:14:02,133 that if he couldn't be the first to discover places,
00:14:02,259 --> 00:14:05,136 he could be the first to have sex with the native children
00:14:05,262 --> 00:14:06,805 that inhabited those areas!
00:14:07,389 --> 00:14:10,016 Phineas quickly went down in history books as the first man
00:14:10,141 --> 00:14:12,936 to have sex with the aborigine children at Uluru
00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:14,771 and the first explorer to bugger
00:14:14,896 --> 00:14:17,232 all the underage mountain folk of Nepal!
00:14:17,816 --> 00:14:19,860 But now the most wonderful part.
00:14:19,985 --> 00:14:22,195 You see, after having sex with all those children,
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:25,282 Phineas realized that molesting all those kids
00:14:25,407 --> 00:14:27,617 had made him immortal.
00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:28,743 Immortal?
00:14:28,869 --> 00:14:30,412 He discovered that children
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:32,622 have things called marlocs in their bodies.
00:14:32,747 --> 00:14:34,833 And when an adult has sex with a child,
00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:37,419 the marlocs implode, feeding the adult's receptor cavity
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:39,588 with energy that causes immortality.
00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:41,631 So sayeth the ruler of Bethos.
00:14:41,756 --> 00:14:45,760 Phineas traveled the world, loving many, many children.
00:14:45,886 --> 00:14:48,263 And he lived for eternity,
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:51,850 until he was hit by a train in 1892.
00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:55,395 Do you realize how retarded that sounds?
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:56,479 Is it any more retarded
00:14:56,605 --> 00:14:59,524 than the idea of God sending His son to die for our sins?
00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:01,234 Is it any more retarded than Buddha
00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:03,278 sitting beneath a tree for 20 years?!
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:05,947 Yeah. It's way, way more retarded.
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:09,159 Well, now that you know our club's secrets...
00:15:09,284 --> 00:15:11,703 it appears you leave us no choice.
00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:15,332 I'm afraid we're going to have to...
00:15:15,457 --> 00:15:17,083 ask you to leave.
00:15:22,339 --> 00:15:24,341 We're not leaving without Chef.
00:15:24,466 --> 00:15:26,092 If you choose not to leave,
00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:28,803 then I'm afraid we're just going to have to...
00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:31,598 call security and make you leave.
00:15:36,186 --> 00:15:37,187 You'll be led out by security,
00:15:37,312 --> 00:15:38,605 and it will be super embarrassing,
00:15:38,730 --> 00:15:40,190 and everyone here will see.
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:54,287 You know how, like, when you want people to leave,
00:15:54,412 --> 00:15:56,790 but they won't leave, it's really frustrating?
00:15:56,915 --> 00:15:58,875 We're not going anywhere without Chef!
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,586 Cool people leave before they've overstayed their welcome.
00:16:03,713 --> 00:16:06,091 You petulant fools!
00:16:06,216 --> 00:16:08,426 You just had to push it, didn't you?
00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:11,846 You don't realize who you're dealing with here.
00:16:11,972 --> 00:16:13,390 Security!
00:16:14,975 --> 00:16:18,186 Take these boys to the door.
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:19,729 All right. Come on, kids.
00:16:19,854 --> 00:16:21,064 No! Hey!
00:16:21,189 --> 00:16:24,567 Ha ha! Look, they're being led out by security! Ha ha!
00:16:24,693 --> 00:16:25,860 No. You don't understand.
00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:28,154 They've got our friend in a deprivation room!
00:16:28,279 --> 00:16:30,782 This is their house, and they don't want you here.
00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:33,451 Aah!
00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:35,286 Sorry, dude, but this fruity little club
00:16:35,412 --> 00:16:37,372 isn't taking our friend!
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:41,334 And sex with Eskimo children requires some special skill.
00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:42,961 Chef, come on!
00:16:43,086 --> 00:16:44,963 Children! - Get out of here!
00:16:45,088 --> 00:16:47,257 Kenny, spin blossom nut squash!
00:16:47,382 --> 00:16:48,883 Mrph! - Ow!
00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:49,926 Come on, Chef!
00:16:50,051 --> 00:16:52,220 I can't break these locks.
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:53,555 Here!
00:16:55,223 --> 00:16:56,850 Come on, Chef!
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,895 What the -- Impossible!
00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:02,772 I made them leave!
00:17:02,897 --> 00:17:04,274 Get outside!
00:17:04,399 --> 00:17:05,900 Stop them!
00:17:06,026 --> 00:17:08,987 Children, run!
00:17:11,823 --> 00:17:13,450 Stop!
00:17:14,576 --> 00:17:15,785 We made it!
00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:20,206 Don't you remember why you left South Park in the first place?
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,919 - Chef, come on! - You sought adventure!
00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:27,547 And why do people seek adventure?
00:17:27,672 --> 00:17:31,176 Because their lives have become dull and empty!
00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:32,844 Yeah, he wanted adventure,
00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:36,097 not a bunch of ridiculous bullcrap, right, Chef?!
00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:39,392 Chef?
00:17:39,517 --> 00:17:42,437 Don't forget all your training, Chef.
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:46,983 Stay with us, and your life will be grand and eternal!
00:17:47,108 --> 00:17:50,028 Chef...we love you.
00:17:53,865 --> 00:17:55,408 I'm sorry, children.
00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:58,661 No! Chef! They've filled your head with lies.
00:17:58,787 --> 00:17:59,829 Can't you see that?
00:17:59,954 --> 00:18:02,082 Get the hell out of here, children!
00:18:02,207 --> 00:18:03,291 Yes.
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:06,628 Looks like our fruity little club is safe after all.
00:18:08,797 --> 00:18:10,131 Aah!
00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:11,216 No!
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:13,635 - Chef! - Chef!
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,346 Aah!
00:18:17,722 --> 00:18:19,724 Ow! Oh! Aah!
00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:20,934 Oh! Damn it!
00:18:21,059 --> 00:18:22,644 Oh!
00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:23,561 No!
00:18:27,148 --> 00:18:28,066 A mountain lion!
00:18:30,193 --> 00:18:32,904 We can't lose another member! Shoot it!
00:18:33,029 --> 00:18:34,239 Aah!
00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:36,366 I right missed!
00:18:36,491 --> 00:18:37,951 Aah!
00:18:38,076 --> 00:18:40,036 Chef!
00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:41,287 A grizzly bear!
00:18:53,842 --> 00:18:57,262 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:03,518 Oh, my God.
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:05,270 They killed Chef.
00:19:05,395 --> 00:19:06,938 You bastards!
00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:09,315 You bastards!
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:10,692 Pity.
00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:13,528 He would have made an excellent child molester.
00:19:19,367 --> 00:19:21,578 Maybe -- Maybe he's still okay.
00:19:21,703 --> 00:19:22,745 No. Really!
00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:24,998 They say the last thing you do before you die is crap your --
00:19:28,251 --> 00:19:30,044 Oh, never mind.
00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:32,338 Come on. Let's go.
00:19:53,568 --> 00:19:54,736 We're all here today
00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:57,906 because Chef has been such an important part of our lives.
00:19:58,740 --> 00:20:01,743 A lot of us don't agree with the choices Chef has made
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:03,286 in the past few days.
00:20:03,411 --> 00:20:06,289 Some of us feel hurt and confused
00:20:06,414 --> 00:20:08,291 that he seemed to turn his back on us.
00:20:08,416 --> 00:20:11,044 But we can't let the events of the last week
00:20:11,169 --> 00:20:14,339 take away the memories of how much Chef made us smile.
00:20:14,464 --> 00:20:16,633 I'm gonna remember Chef as the jolly old guy
00:20:16,758 --> 00:20:18,051 who always broke into song.
00:20:18,176 --> 00:20:20,220 I'm gonna remember Chef
00:20:20,345 --> 00:20:22,472 as the guy who gave us advice to live by.
00:20:23,473 --> 00:20:27,518 So, you see, we shouldn't be mad at Chef for leaving us.
00:20:27,644 --> 00:20:29,604 We should be mad at that fruity little club
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:32,690 for scrambling his brains.
00:20:32,815 --> 00:20:34,692 Yeah.
00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:36,069 He's right.
00:20:39,239 --> 00:20:42,075 And in the end, I know that somewhere out there,
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:45,703 there's the good part of Chef that's still alive in us all.
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:52,418 Is it working? Is it working?!
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:55,296 Yes. We've got a pulse!
00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:57,257 Get him in the ICU suit! Hurry!
00:20:58,716 --> 00:21:01,511 That's done it! Good! Raise him up!
00:21:12,563 --> 00:21:15,400 Chef, can you hear me?
00:21:15,525 --> 00:21:16,943 Say something.
00:21:17,068 --> 00:21:20,154 Hello, there, children.
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:25,159 How would you like some Salisbury steak?
00:21:25,285 --> 00:21:26,744 Yes. Go on.
00:21:26,869 --> 00:21:28,788 And for dessert,
00:21:28,913 --> 00:21:30,665 how would you children like to suck
00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:34,085 on my chocolate salty balls?
00:21:34,210 --> 00:21:37,213 Oh. You mean like a chocolate candy?
00:21:37,338 --> 00:21:40,383 No. I mean my balls.
00:21:40,508 --> 00:21:41,592 Yes!
00:21:41,718 --> 00:21:44,012 Yes!

00:00:27,346 --> 00:00:31,346 Эпизод 1001 "ШЕФ ВОЗВРАЩАЕТСЯ"
00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:37,326 РАНЕЕ В "САУТ ПАРКЕ"
00:00:38,058 --> 00:00:39,756 Пацаны! Пацаны!
00:00:40,318 --> 00:00:41,519 Шеф уезжает!
00:00:42,386 --> 00:00:44,068 Уезжает? А надолго?
00:00:45,690 --> 00:00:46,443 Навсегда.
00:00:47,610 --> 00:00:50,339 Простите, ребята.
00:00:50,730 --> 00:00:51,525 Шеф сказал, что ему все надоело
00:00:51,926 --> 00:00:54,893 и он решил вступить в общество под названием «Клуб Супер-Приключений»
00:00:56,103 --> 00:01:00,832 Шеф?? И на какие вопросы, по-твоему, дадут ответ поиски приключений по всему миру?
00:01:01,571 --> 00:01:02,244 В чем смысл жизни?
00:01:02,739 --> 00:01:03,875 Зачем мы здесь?
00:01:04,322 --> 00:01:06,109 Надеюсь, ты делаешь правильный выбор.
00:01:06,670 --> 00:01:08,033 Я буду скучать по нем.
00:01:08,346 --> 00:01:12,100 Я буду скучать по Шефу….и не знаю, как ему об этом сказать!
00:01:12,839 --> 00:01:14,979 Блин, как же мы теперь?
00:01:15,460 --> 00:01:17,130 Шеф был нашим д…другом.
00:01:18,595 --> 00:01:20,126 И нам будет очень тебя недоставать, Шеф...
00:01:20,379 --> 00:01:22,731 но мы знаем, что ты должен следовать зову сердца…
00:01:23,346 --> 00:01:26,346 До свидания!
00:01:27,611 --> 00:01:29,579 До свидания, Шеф!
00:01:29,596 --> 00:01:32,078 Всего тебе хорошего в «Клубе Супер-Приключений!»
00:01:32,113 --> 00:01:33,346 До свидания!
00:01:44,847 --> 00:01:48,566 А теперь вторая часть «Жизни без Шефа»
00:01:50,286 --> 00:01:51,245 Тяни две карты, жиртрест.
00:01:52,645 --> 00:01:54,265 Перевожу на тебя, жидяра.
00:01:55,108 --> 00:01:56,198 Я открою.
00:01:58,187 --> 00:02:00,551 ЗдорОво, ребятишки!
00:02:00,665 --> 00:02:04,506 Вернулся! (Все) Ура! Вернулся!
00:02:05,174 --> 00:02:08,572 Шеф! Даже не верится, что ты вернулся!
00:02:08,832 --> 00:02:10,011 Что ж. Это правда.
00:02:10,385 --> 00:02:11,328 А ты вернулся навсегда?
00:02:11,545 --> 00:02:12,272 Верно.
00:02:13,235 --> 00:02:14,288 Слушайте все!
00:02:14,497 --> 00:02:15,537 Шеф вернулся!
00:02:15,954 --> 00:02:21,453 Все: Ура! Здорово!
00:02:24,703 --> 00:02:30,629 Похоже, тебе было классно в «Клубе Супер-Приключений» Они мне показались очень интересными людьми.
00:02:30,631 --> 00:02:31,346 Да!
00:02:31,558 --> 00:02:33,964 раз ты вернулся, значит ли это, что ты...
00:02:34,276 --> 00:02:36,067 ...больше не состоишь в «Клубе Супер-Приключений»?
00:02:36,171 --> 00:02:37,880 Нет, нет!
00:02:37,915 --> 00:02:41,756 Ааа, значит, ты решил, что будешь оставаться членом Клуба,
00:02:41,943 --> 00:02:43,429 но будешь, как и раньше, жить в Саут Парке?
00:02:43,464 --> 00:02:44,988 Именно.
00:02:45,023 --> 00:02:48,449 Похоже, что "Клуб" это было как раз то, что тебе нужно, Шеф
00:02:48,484 --> 00:02:49,885 Должно быть ты очень счастлив,
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:52,011 что нашел свой клуб и новых друзей,
00:02:52,046 --> 00:02:54,348 но ты также можешь жить и в Саут Парке со всеми старыми друзьями,
00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:57,141 ...которые тебе совсем не безразличны. Верно?
00:02:57,176 --> 00:02:58,147 Правильно.
00:02:58,182 --> 00:02:59,184 РЭНДИ!
00:03:01,661 --> 00:03:05,569 Шеф, буду рад, если поживешь у меня, пока не купишь новый дом.
00:03:05,634 --> 00:03:07,056 Спасибо.
00:03:07,091 --> 00:03:08,266 Джимбо.
00:03:08,301 --> 00:03:09,918 Ну ладно, пойдемте.
00:03:09,953 --> 00:03:12,252 Думаю, Шефу необходимо время, чтоб переехать.
00:03:12,336 --> 00:03:13,289 Точно!
00:03:13,324 --> 00:03:16,169 Спасибо. Все-е-ем –Покаааа.
00:03:16,204 --> 00:03:19,115 Пока! Увидимся!
00:03:19,150 --> 00:03:23,261 Что ж, думаю, увидимся завтра в школе, Шеф?
00:03:23,296 --> 00:03:24,796 А то!
00:03:24,831 --> 00:03:25,707 Пока.
00:03:25,742 --> 00:03:27,108 ДЕТИ!
00:03:27,143 --> 00:03:30,479 Ага…
00:03:30,514 --> 00:03:31,581 ….увидимся.
00:03:32,346 --> 00:03:34,806 Ребят...
00:03:34,841 --> 00:03:38,420 А вам Шеф не показался каким-то…эээ…слегка обдолбанным?
00:03:40,914 --> 00:03:43,986 Слушайте. Он сказал, что теперь ему гораздо лучше.
00:03:44,021 --> 00:03:45,441 Может, ему нужно чуток отдохнуть.
00:03:45,476 --> 00:03:48,340 Точно. Уверен, что чем бы не занимались в «Клубе Супер-Приключений» - это довольно утомительно.
00:03:48,340 --> 00:03:48,583 Ага, но несмотря ни на что, я рад, что он вернулся навсегда. Точно. Уверен, что чем бы не занимались в «Клубе Супер-Приключений» - это довольно утомительно.
00:03:48,583 --> 00:03:50,584 Ага, но несмотря ни на что, я рад, что он вернулся навсегда.
00:03:50,644 --> 00:03:51,666 (Да, и я тоже!)
00:03:54,483 --> 00:03:56,688 Он говорит какие-то очень странные вещи. Не знаю, меня это как-то смутило.
00:03:56,973 --> 00:03:58,152 Ёлы-палы!!!
00:03:58,187 --> 00:04:00,190 Жду не дождусь Шефовой стряпни на обед.
00:04:00,225 --> 00:04:03,044 Да. Надеюсь, он готовит свой бифштекс по-солсберийски и лапшу с маслом!
00:04:03,079 --> 00:04:05,143 - Пацаны! Пацаны! - Чего?
00:04:05,178 --> 00:04:06,765 С Шефом что-то не так...
00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:08,861 Он несет какой-то странный бред.
00:04:08,896 --> 00:04:10,673 Например?
00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:13,844 Думаю… Думаю, он хочет секса со мной.
00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:15,403 Чего???
00:04:15,438 --> 00:04:17,209 Мне…мне пора.
00:04:17,244 --> 00:04:19,476 Извращенец.
00:04:19,511 --> 00:04:22,681 Здорово, детишки!
00:04:22,716 --> 00:04:23,449 Привет, Шеф.
00:04:23,484 --> 00:04:24,595 Как дела?
00:04:24,630 --> 00:04:25,463 Хорошо.
00:04:25,498 --> 00:04:27,661 А что, если мы встретимся после работы...
00:04:27,696 --> 00:04:29,346 ...и ЗАЙМЕ-Е-ЕМСЯ любовью?
00:04:30,171 --> 00:04:32,754 Что, простите?
00:04:32,789 --> 00:04:33,884 Давайте, дети!
00:04:33,919 --> 00:04:35,996 Вы - моя любовная фантазия.
00:04:36,031 --> 00:04:38,984 Займемся же сладкой любовью.
00:04:41,244 --> 00:04:42,090 Шеф?!
00:04:42,125 --> 00:04:43,423 Ты в порядке?
00:04:43,458 --> 00:04:47,694 Хочу ЗАСУНУТЬ СВОИ ЯЙЦА тебе в анал, Кайл.
00:04:50,058 --> 00:04:50,829 Блин, ты что несёшь?
00:04:50,864 --> 00:04:54,485 И займу-у-усь я любовью С ВАШИМ ЗАДОМ, дети.
00:04:57,668 --> 00:04:58,809 ЧЕГО?
00:04:58,844 --> 00:05:02,425 Привет, дети. Я детектив Джарвис.
00:05:02,460 --> 00:05:05,272 Мне нужно задать вам пару непростых вопросов
00:05:05,307 --> 00:05:07,324 насчет вашего школьного повара.
00:05:07,359 --> 00:05:09,172 Ерунда какая-то.
00:05:09,207 --> 00:05:11,741 У нас есть сведения, что все это время
00:05:11,776 --> 00:05:14,339 Шеф был, да и сейчас остается...
00:05:14,374 --> 00:05:15,282 педофилом.
00:05:15,317 --> 00:05:17,176 Нет, не был.
00:05:17,211 --> 00:05:18,474 Ага.
00:05:18,509 --> 00:05:20,663 Нет, не был.
00:05:20,698 --> 00:05:22,723 Угу, он и есть.
00:05:22,758 --> 00:05:24,284 А что такое «педофил»?
00:05:24,629 --> 00:05:26,089 Нам нужны некоторые свидетельства,
00:05:26,271 --> 00:05:27,496 чтобы взять Шефа под арест
00:05:27,886 --> 00:05:29,187 так что я воспользуюсь этой куклой...
00:05:29,222 --> 00:05:30,820 чтобы задать вам несколько вопросов.
00:05:30,855 --> 00:05:33,589 Трогал ли Шеф когда-либо кого-нибудь из вас…
00:05:33,624 --> 00:05:34,301 вот здесь?
00:05:34,336 --> 00:05:35,777 Нет!
00:05:35,812 --> 00:05:37,980 Ладно, а здесь трогал?
00:05:38,015 --> 00:05:39,020 Нет!
00:05:39,055 --> 00:05:41,709 А он когда-нибудь делал вот так?
00:05:41,744 --> 00:05:43,104 Или так?
00:05:44,805 --> 00:05:46,548 Мой дядя Бад как-то мне такое делал!
00:05:46,583 --> 00:05:50,257 А вот так он не пробовал?
00:05:50,292 --> 00:05:52,994 Твою мать! Шеф вовсе на такой.
00:05:53,029 --> 00:05:54,566 Что это здесь за цирк вообще?
00:05:54,601 --> 00:05:55,433 Юноша!
00:05:55,468 --> 00:06:01,515 Прошу вас уделить мне внимание. Это очень важно. Ооооо! Ооооо!
00:06:09,249 --> 00:06:11,905 Привет, детишки!
00:06:12,477 --> 00:06:15,911 Шеф, полиция тобой интересуется!
00:06:15,946 --> 00:06:17,624 Правда?
00:06:17,659 --> 00:06:20,270 Что ж, пойдемте домой и ЗАЙМЕМСЯ ЛЮБОВЬЮ.
00:06:20,305 --> 00:06:22,726 Нет, Шеф. Мы не хотим заниматься с тобой любовью!
00:06:22,761 --> 00:06:26,242 Кенни, не желаешь отсодомировать мой черный зад?
00:06:26,277 --> 00:06:27,731 Шеф, Шеф!
00:06:27,766 --> 00:06:30,538 Тебе нужно сматываться, пока не арестовали, ясно?!
00:06:30,573 --> 00:06:33,200 Я специализируется у тебя в жопе, Кайл.
00:06:37,356 --> 00:06:39,949 Блин, не верится, что все это время...
00:06:39,984 --> 00:06:41,670 ...мы были нужны Шефу только для секса.
00:06:41,705 --> 00:06:44,214 Мы не были ему нужны для секса, жиртрест!
00:06:44,249 --> 00:06:45,918 Что-то заставляет его говорить такие вещи.
00:06:46,025 --> 00:06:46,907 (Что, например?)
00:06:46,911 --> 00:06:49,295 Должно быть, что-то случилось с Шефом во время его отсутствия.
00:06:49,330 --> 00:06:52,571 Может, головой ударился, а может, попал в какую-то квантовую временнУю воронку.
00:06:52,606 --> 00:06:55,738 Послушайте. Он провел последние 3 месяца с этим клубом приключений.
00:06:55,773 --> 00:06:56,982 Может, они знаю, что с ним случилось?
00:06:57,030 --> 00:07:01,190 Кенни: Точно!....(неразборчиво)
00:07:01,225 --> 00:07:03,230 Ага! Идемте, пацаны!
00:07:11,941 --> 00:07:14,366 Ребят, знаете, как называются сиськи у еврейки?
00:07:14,401 --> 00:07:16,464 Евро-сиськи!
00:07:22,321 --> 00:07:25,177 Чем могу служить?
00:07:25,212 --> 00:07:27,392 Ээээ, привет. Можно поговорить с самым главным...
00:07:27,392 --> 00:07:27,957 или типа того? Ээээ, привет. Можно поговорить с самым главным...
00:07:27,957 --> 00:07:28,611 или типа того?
00:07:29,231 --> 00:07:30,076 Прошу сюда.
00:07:33,005 --> 00:07:36,262 Значит, путешествие к вершине Килиманджаро будет довольно трудным...
00:07:36,297 --> 00:07:37,352 ...поэтому, нам понадобятся…
00:07:37,387 --> 00:07:38,746 Прошу прощения, сэр.
00:07:38,781 --> 00:07:40,579 Эти мальчики хотели поговорить с вами.
00:07:40,614 --> 00:07:44,054 Ах, да, великолепно. Добрый день, юноши.
00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:44,933 Я - Главный Искатель Приключений
00:07:44,968 --> 00:07:46,604 Вильям П. Конноли, эсквайр.
00:07:46,639 --> 00:07:48,689 Добро пожаловать в «Клуб Супер-Приключений»!
00:07:48,690 --> 00:07:49,688 Приветствуем!
00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:50,729 Именно.
00:07:50,905 --> 00:07:52,585 Эээ, привет. Наш друг некоторое время назад...
00:07:52,620 --> 00:07:57,346 вступил в ваш клуб, а теперь ему хочется растлять детей.
00:07:57,346 --> 00:07:58,269 Что?! Ах, да, ну конечно! вступил в ваш клуб, а теперь ему хочется растлять детей.
00:07:58,269 --> 00:08:01,236 Что?! Ах, да, ну конечно!
00:08:01,271 --> 00:08:03,034 Этим и занимается «Клуб Супер-Приключений»!
00:08:03,403 --> 00:08:04,907 Чё?!
00:08:04,955 --> 00:08:07,405 Мы путешествуем по миру и занимаемся сексом с детьми!
00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:09,483 А чем нам еще, по-вашему, заниматься?
00:08:10,828 --> 00:08:13,704 Мы думали, что вы ездите в экспедиции, и типа охотитесь и всё такое!
00:08:13,739 --> 00:08:15,610 Нет, нет. Это всё «Клуб Приключений».
00:08:15,645 --> 00:08:17,237 А мы – «Клуб Супер-Приключений»!
00:08:17,272 --> 00:08:21,285 На следующей неделе мы отправляемся на дальний берег Амазонки,
00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:24,574 где разобьем лагерь и будем заниматься сексом с детьми племени Угани,
00:08:24,609 --> 00:08:30,938 затем - Гималаи, где мы взойдем на вершину К-2, и будем растлевать тибетских ребятишек на восточном пике.
00:08:30,973 --> 00:08:32,628 Твою мать!
00:08:32,663 --> 00:08:34,243 Знаю, но дальше – лучше!
00:08:34,278 --> 00:08:37,822 Оттуда мы спустимся на байдарках к плодоносным берегам реки Меле, что в Африке,
00:08:37,857 --> 00:08:43,456 где у загадочной народности Ханими есть дети, никогда не видевшие возбужденного члена белого человека.
00:08:43,491 --> 00:08:45,972 Естественно, мы ищем детей для секса...
00:08:46,007 --> 00:08:47,608 во время сафари, вот здесь...
00:08:47,643 --> 00:08:50,781 так что, как вы ВСЕ смотрите на то, чтобы вступить в «Клуб Супер-Приключений»
00:08:50,816 --> 00:08:52,393 Нет!
00:08:52,849 --> 00:08:54,015 Нет?
00:08:54,050 --> 00:08:55,578 Вот так, значит?
00:08:55,613 --> 00:08:57,691 Может, мне стоит спросить еще разок?
00:08:59,388 --> 00:09:03,565 Как вы смотрите на то, чтобы вступить в «Клуб Супер-Приключений»?
00:09:04,622 --> 00:09:07,128 Нет!
00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:11,806 Мужик, ты чего делаешь?
00:09:11,841 --> 00:09:15,620 Черт, на всех подряд не действует. В таком случае - всего хорошего!
00:09:15,655 --> 00:09:17,278 А что это за хреновина?!
00:09:17,313 --> 00:09:19,523 Какая? Какая хреновина? Ничего такого не вижу.
00:09:19,558 --> 00:09:20,880 Ага! Я так и знал!
00:09:20,915 --> 00:09:22,084 Что знал?
00:09:22,119 --> 00:09:24,537 Причина, по которой Шеф говорит эти мерзости в том...
00:09:24,572 --> 00:09:28,452 что ему промыли мозги! В этом гадском клубе!
00:09:30,797 --> 00:09:34,178 Твою же ж мать!
00:09:35,513 --> 00:09:37,446 РОБЕРТ ДЖ. НИЛАНД, ПСИХИАТР
00:09:38,148 --> 00:09:41,411 Детишки! А пойдемте-ка домой...
00:09:41,446 --> 00:09:42,531 ...и ЗАЙМЕМСЯ ЛЮБОВЬЮ!
00:09:42,566 --> 00:09:45,434 Шеф, тебе нужно сходить к психиатру. Это для твоей же пользы.
00:09:45,469 --> 00:09:48,345 Я просто хочу полюбить твою попу!
00:09:48,380 --> 00:09:49,329 Боже мой!
00:09:49,364 --> 00:09:51,522 Есть Мистер Шеф?
00:09:51,557 --> 00:09:52,716 Ладно, идемте.
00:09:53,838 --> 00:09:57,380 Здравствуйте. Я – доктор Ниланд.
00:09:57,415 --> 00:09:58,257 Чем могу помочь?
00:09:58,292 --> 00:10:01,964 Здрасьте. Эээ, нашему другу промыли мозги в одном гадском клубе.
00:10:02,003 --> 00:10:04,452 Мозги промыли?
00:10:04,570 --> 00:10:06,408 Да. Он вступил в «Клуб Супер-Приключений»,
00:10:06,558 --> 00:10:08,585 ...а ему внушили, что заниматься сексом с детьми - это хорошо.
00:10:08,620 --> 00:10:10,659 И воздействовали на него штуковиной, которая делает вот так: вж-ж-ж-ж!
00:10:10,792 --> 00:10:11,888 Я думал, что это клуб занимается
00:10:11,923 --> 00:10:13,341 туризмом и спуском на байдарках.
00:10:13,376 --> 00:10:14,632 Нет, это «Клуб Приключений».
00:10:14,667 --> 00:10:16,514 А «Клуб Супер-Приключений» занимается сексом с детьми.
00:10:16,549 --> 00:10:18,942 Да? Ах, да, точно.
00:10:18,977 --> 00:10:22,161 Доктор, а у вас ДЕТИ есть?
00:10:22,196 --> 00:10:24,802 Да. У меня два маленьких мальчика.
00:10:24,837 --> 00:10:28,021 А вы со СВОИМИ ДЕТЬМИ тоже занимаетесь аналом?
00:10:28,056 --> 00:10:30,836 Говорите, раньше он таким не был?
00:10:30,871 --> 00:10:32,683 Не, Шеф всегда был супер-классный.
00:10:32,718 --> 00:10:35,798 Я БУДУ ЗАНИМАТЬСЯ С ДЕТИШКАМИ любовью!
00:10:37,117 --> 00:10:38,648 Да, мозги ему промыли здорово.
00:10:38,683 --> 00:10:39,793 Самый тяжелый случай в моей практике.
00:10:39,828 --> 00:10:40,750 И что мы можем сделать?
00:10:40,785 --> 00:10:42,838 Боюсь, однозначного ответа нет.
00:10:42,927 --> 00:10:44,100 После промывания мозгов
00:10:44,135 --> 00:10:46,817 включение обратного процесса может занять месяцы и даже годы.
00:10:46,852 --> 00:10:49,414 Но у нас нет этих лет! Если он будет продолжать в том же духе...
00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:50,581 его посадят в тюрьму на веки вечные!
00:10:50,616 --> 00:10:52,928 Скажите, а что Шеф любил больше всего делать...
00:10:52,963 --> 00:10:55,241 ...до того, как полюбил заниматься сексом с детьми?
00:10:55,276 --> 00:10:57,065 Заниматься сексом с женщинами.
00:10:57,100 --> 00:11:00,390 То, что нужно. Думаю, лучше прямо сейчас сводить его к «Мятным Лошадкам» .
00:11:03,304 --> 00:11:07,917 Что ж, ребята, убедитесь, что дали официанткам на чай.
00:11:08,259 --> 00:11:10,894 А теперь подняли ручки - встречаем - Моник!
00:11:13,230 --> 00:11:14,745 Да ладно, дети.
00:11:14,780 --> 00:11:15,668 Идем домой.
00:11:15,703 --> 00:11:16,781 Ничего не получается.
00:11:16,816 --> 00:11:19,147 Давайте…дадим ему еще пару минут, дети.
00:11:20,843 --> 00:11:22,326 Потанцу-у-у-уем?
00:11:22,361 --> 00:11:23,162 Нет, спасибо.
00:11:23,197 --> 00:11:24,782 Мы пытаемся вправить мозги нашему другу.
00:11:24,817 --> 00:11:29,101 Потанцуем? Кто-нибудь хочет потанцевать?
00:11:31,515 --> 00:11:33,216 Давай, сука, работай!
00:11:33,313 --> 00:11:34,675 Отвали, жирный!
00:11:34,710 --> 00:11:36,031 Я тебе, сучка, щас яйца откручу!
00:11:36,066 --> 00:11:37,646 Ну что ж, ребятки, давайте мне поможем.
00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:42,973 А сейчас у нас по плану тематический стриптиз, похлопаем…Импульсивная Бутэ!
00:11:48,049 --> 00:11:50,707 Идем, ребят. Пора уходить.
00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:56,392 Ёшкин…кот!
00:11:56,427 --> 00:11:57,295 Шеф, уходим!
00:11:57,330 --> 00:11:59,542 Нет, нет. Не мешайте ему.
00:12:04,325 --> 00:12:06,207 Иди ко мне, щекастенький!
00:12:17,936 --> 00:12:19,016 Минуточку.
00:12:19,979 --> 00:12:21,478 Он вспоминает!
00:12:21,513 --> 00:12:24,322 Дети! Что я наделал!
00:12:24,357 --> 00:12:26,022 Все в порядке, Шеф. Давай, вспоминай!
00:12:26,057 --> 00:12:27,850 Я щас … Я щас…
00:12:27,885 --> 00:12:30,290 Давай, Шеф! У тебя получится!
00:12:30,325 --> 00:12:33,207 Я щас займусь с тобой любовью,
00:12:33,242 --> 00:12:38,018 своим огнем тебя я уложу, подруга!
00:12:38,053 --> 00:12:44,245 Дети, слушайте все! Я вернулся! Ай!
00:12:44,358 --> 00:12:47,764 Отличный выстрел, Вильям! Давай еще разок.
00:12:48,305 --> 00:12:49,297 Ой!
00:12:50,591 --> 00:12:51,736 Шеф!
00:12:56,612 --> 00:12:59,063 Приветсвтую, юноши!
00:12:59,098 --> 00:13:00,928 Должен сказать, что вы мне становитесь,
00:13:00,963 --> 00:13:03,025 как заноза в яйцах.
00:13:03,060 --> 00:13:04,396 Где Шеф? Что вы с ним сделали?
00:13:04,431 --> 00:13:05,314 Он в безопасности.
00:13:05,349 --> 00:13:08,960 Он постится в комнате отречения
00:13:08,995 --> 00:13:11,072 под чтение Инструкции нашего Клуба
00:13:11,107 --> 00:13:13,431 Мы должны нейтрализовать причиненный вами ущерб.
00:13:13,466 --> 00:13:17,050 Если вы хотите бродить по свету, развращая детишек, то фиг с вами.
00:13:17,085 --> 00:13:18,501 Но зачем вам нужен Шеф?!
00:13:18,536 --> 00:13:20,055 Не он нам нужен.
00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:21,081 Мы ему нужны.
00:13:21,116 --> 00:13:23,581 Наш клуб дает надежду.
00:13:23,616 --> 00:13:26,283 Думаете, мы бродим по свету, развращая детишек...
00:13:26,318 --> 00:13:28,934 ...потому, что это очень-очень-очень-очень здорово!?
00:13:28,969 --> 00:13:29,736 Нет.
00:13:29,771 --> 00:13:31,625 У нашего клуба есть миссия!
00:13:31,660 --> 00:13:34,515 И секрет, объясняющий таинства жизни!
00:13:34,550 --> 00:13:36,009 Ну все, блин, понесло.
00:13:36,044 --> 00:13:37,685 Что ж, хорошо.
00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:41,007 Я вам расскажу секрет «Клуба Супер-Приключений»
00:13:41,042 --> 00:13:42,448 Мы не хотим его слушать.
00:13:42,483 --> 00:13:44,960 Понимаете, «Клуб Супер-Приключений» был основан
00:13:44,995 --> 00:13:48,733 величайшим исследователем всех времен, Вильямом П. Финиасом.
00:13:48,768 --> 00:13:52,413 Финиас взбирался на самые высокие вершины, покорял могучие реки
00:13:52,448 --> 00:13:54,397 но каждый раз, когда он куда-нибудь добирался,
00:13:54,432 --> 00:13:57,295 то понимал, что другие исследователи его уже обошли.
00:13:57,330 --> 00:13:58,794 Финиас был в отчаянии
00:13:58,829 --> 00:14:02,136 пока не понял, что если он не может быть первым в открытиях разных мест...
00:14:02,171 --> 00:14:05,505 то может быть первый в сексе с детьми,
00:14:05,540 --> 00:14:07,022 населяющими те места.
00:14:07,057 --> 00:14:09,772 Финиас быстро попал на страницы книг по истории
00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:13,154 как первый человек, занимавшийся сексом с детьми Аберични в Утару.
00:14:13,189 --> 00:14:16,924 И первый исследователь, отпедривший всех несовершеннолетних горных обитателей Непала.
00:14:17,329 --> 00:14:19,661 А теперь самое интересное.
00:14:19,696 --> 00:14:22,513 Понимаете, после секса со всеми этими детьми,
00:14:22,548 --> 00:14:23,398 Финиас понял,
00:14:23,433 --> 00:14:27,299 что…развращение детей сделало его бессмертным.
00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:29,100 Бессмертным.
00:14:29,135 --> 00:14:31,481 Он открыл, что в организме детей
00:14:31,516 --> 00:14:32,941 есть объекты, которые называются «марлоки»
00:14:32,976 --> 00:14:35,092 И когда взрослый человек занимается сексом с ребенком,
00:14:35,127 --> 00:14:39,996 марлоки разрушаются, наполняя рецептивные полости взрослого энергией, дающей бессмертие,
00:14:40,031 --> 00:14:41,501 как сказал правитель Бетоса
00:14:41,536 --> 00:14:45,997 Финиас путешествовал по миру, и любил много-много-много детей
00:14:46,032 --> 00:14:51,929 ...и жил очень-очень долго. Пока его в 1892 году не задавил поезд.
00:14:52,568 --> 00:14:55,308 Вы понимаете, насколько тупо это звучит?
00:14:55,343 --> 00:14:57,597 Это случайно не тупее, чем идея того,
00:14:57,632 --> 00:14:59,966 что Бог послал своего сына умирать за наши грехи?
00:15:00,001 --> 00:15:03,569 Это не тупее, чем Будда, просидевший под деревом 20 лет?
00:15:03,604 --> 00:15:06,170 Да. Это гораздо более тупее.
00:15:06,205 --> 00:15:08,696 Поскольку вы знаете секреты нашего клуба,
00:15:08,731 --> 00:15:12,143 похоже…вы не оставляете нам выбора.
00:15:12,178 --> 00:15:14,544 Боюсь, нам придется вас…
00:15:14,579 --> 00:15:17,249 …попросить уйти.
00:15:21,995 --> 00:15:24,274 Без Шефа мы не уйдем.
00:15:24,309 --> 00:15:28,327 Если вы решили остаться, то, боюсь, нам тогда придется…
00:15:28,362 --> 00:15:32,072 …вызвать охрану и заставить вас уйти.
00:15:35,897 --> 00:15:37,927 Вас выведет охрана
00:15:37,962 --> 00:15:39,520 и это будет супер-позорно
00:15:39,555 --> 00:15:42,487 ...и все на это будут смотреть! Ха-ха-ха!!!
00:15:52,448 --> 00:15:56,800 Знаете, когда вы хотите, чтобы кто-то ушел, а он не уходит, это немного напрягает, да?
00:15:57,161 --> 00:15:59,011 Без Шефа мы никуда не уйдем.
00:15:59,121 --> 00:16:01,761 А вот крутые парни уходят до того, как исчерпывают всё гостеприимство.
00:16:01,801 --> 00:16:06,181 Дерзкие глупцы!
00:16:06,211 --> 00:16:08,491 Вот нужно было до этого доводить, да?
00:16:08,531 --> 00:16:11,811 Вы не понимаете, с кем имеете дело.
00:16:11,841 --> 00:16:13,401 Охрана!
00:16:15,151 --> 00:16:18,021 Проводите мальчиков на выход.
00:16:18,051 --> 00:16:19,761 Ладно, дети, идемте.
00:16:19,801 --> 00:16:20,881 Нет! Эй!
00:16:20,911 --> 00:16:24,411 Смотрите! Их выводит охрана! Ха-ха!
00:16:24,441 --> 00:16:27,851 Вы не понимаете! Там наш друг, он в Комнате Отречения!
00:16:27,891 --> 00:16:28,931 Это их дом, и они не хотят
00:16:28,961 --> 00:16:30,361 чтобы вы здесь находились.
00:16:33,401 --> 00:16:37,081 Прости, чувак, но мы не отдадим нашего друга этому гадскому клубу!
00:16:37,121 --> 00:16:41,361 А секс с детьми-эскимосами предполагает наличие определенных навыков.
00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:43,961 Шеф, идем! - Дети!
00:16:44,001 --> 00:16:44,921 Убирайтесь отсюда!
00:16:44,951 --> 00:16:49,631 Кенни! Давай «яйцедав с подвыподвертом»! - Идем, Шеф!
00:16:49,661 --> 00:16:52,481 Не могу…сломать эти кандалы!
00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:53,441 Вот!
00:16:56,281 --> 00:17:00,791 Что за…Не может быть!
00:17:00,831 --> 00:17:02,511 Я ведь их выгнал!
00:17:03,281 --> 00:17:03,731 На улицу!
00:17:03,741 --> 00:17:05,081 Остановите этих...
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:07,371 Дети!
00:17:11,711 --> 00:17:13,081 Стой!
00:17:13,331 --> 00:17:15,501 Получилось!
00:17:15,531 --> 00:17:20,071 А не помнишь, почему именно ты уехал из Саут Парка?
00:17:22,631 --> 00:17:23,611 Шеф, идем!
00:17:23,641 --> 00:17:25,051 Ты искал приключений!
00:17:25,091 --> 00:17:27,201 А почему люди ищут приключений?
00:17:27,241 --> 00:17:30,581 Потому, что их жизнь становится скучной и опустошенной!
00:17:30,621 --> 00:17:32,801 Да, ему нужны были приключения!
00:17:32,831 --> 00:17:34,701 А не эта хренова клоунада!
00:17:34,741 --> 00:17:39,141 Да, Шеф? Шеф?
00:17:39,171 --> 00:17:42,201 Не забудь, чему тебя учили, Шеф!
00:17:42,241 --> 00:17:46,101 Оставайся, и твоя жизнь будет восхитительной и ВЕЧНОЙ!
00:17:47,351 --> 00:17:49,771 Шеф, мы тебя любим!
00:17:53,131 --> 00:17:55,171 Простите, дети!
00:17:55,211 --> 00:17:58,751 Нет! Шеф, тебе забили голову брехнёй!
00:17:58,791 --> 00:17:59,841 Ну как ты не поймешь!
00:17:59,871 --> 00:18:01,821 Убирайтесь ко всем чертям, дети!!
00:18:01,851 --> 00:18:06,921 Даааа. Похоже, наш гадский клуб в конце-концов остался в порядке.
00:18:22,391 --> 00:18:23,331 Нет!
00:18:26,051 --> 00:18:28,071 Пума!
00:18:30,481 --> 00:18:32,371 Нельзя терять еще одного члена! Стреляйте в нее!
00:18:40,381 --> 00:18:41,451 Гризли!
00:19:02,021 --> 00:19:03,311 Боже мой…
00:19:03,351 --> 00:19:04,921 Они убили Шефа.
00:19:04,951 --> 00:19:09,261 Сволочи! СВОЛОЧИ!
00:19:09,291 --> 00:19:13,351 А жаль. Из него бы получился отличный растлитель детей.
00:19:19,771 --> 00:19:21,241 А может…может, с ним все в порядке?
00:19:21,271 --> 00:19:24,561 Нет, правда. Ведь говорят, что последнее, что делаешь перед смертью - ...
00:19:24,601 --> 00:19:25,761 ...- это высираешь…
00:19:27,531 --> 00:19:29,761 А, неважно…
00:19:29,791 --> 00:19:31,981 Ладно, идем.
00:19:53,391 --> 00:19:55,341 Мы все собрались здесь, потому...
00:19:55,381 --> 00:19:57,581 ...что Шеф был неотъемлемой частью нашей жизни.
00:19:57,621 --> 00:20:01,541 Многие из нас не одобряют выбор Шефа
00:20:01,571 --> 00:20:02,851 в последние несколько дней.
00:20:02,891 --> 00:20:08,241 Некоторые чувствуют боль и замешательство, оттого, что он вроде бы повернулся к нам спиной.
00:20:08,271 --> 00:20:13,661 Но мы не можем позволить событиям последней недели отнять воспоминаний о том, как Шеф вызывал у нас улыбку.
00:20:13,691 --> 00:20:16,801 Я буду помнить Шефа, как жизнерадостного старикана,...
00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:17,941 ...который все сводит к песенке.
00:20:17,971 --> 00:20:19,571 Я буду помнить Шефа, как человека,
00:20:19,601 --> 00:20:22,341 дававшего нам советы жизненные советы.
00:20:22,381 --> 00:20:26,071 Так что понимаете, мы не должны сердиться на Шефа за то,
00:20:26,111 --> 00:20:26,841 что он нас бросил.
00:20:26,871 --> 00:20:31,391 Мы должны сердиться на этот гадский клуб за то, что они заморочили ему голову.
00:20:33,251 --> 00:20:36,491 Да! Он прав!
00:20:36,531 --> 00:20:43,351 И заканчивая, я знаю, что где-то там… есть хорошая частичка Шефа…
00:20:43,391 --> 00:20:45,131 что все еще живет во всех нас.
00:20:49,731 --> 00:20:52,471 Работает? Работает?
00:20:53,731 --> 00:20:55,551 Да. Есть пульс!
00:20:55,581 --> 00:20:57,331 Надеть на него ICU костюм, быстро!
00:20:58,251 --> 00:21:02,111 Мы закончили! Хорошо! Поднимите его!
00:21:12,081 --> 00:21:16,771 Шеф, ты меня слышишь? Скажи что-нибудь.
00:21:16,801 --> 00:21:20,171 Привет, детишки.
00:21:20,201 --> 00:21:25,081 Может, хотите бифштекса по-солсберийски?
00:21:25,111 --> 00:21:26,961 Да, продолжай.
00:21:27,281 --> 00:21:33,541 А на десерт, детишки, может, желаете отведать шоколадных соленых яичек?
00:21:33,571 --> 00:21:37,081 Ты имеешь в виду шоколадные конфеты?
00:21:37,111 --> 00:21:40,271 Нет, мои яйца.
00:21:40,301 --> 00:21:44,841 Да, ДААА! Ха-ха-ха-ха!
00:21:45,281 --> 00:21:50,821 субтитры, перевод mulder mulder@hotbox.ru специально для http://southpark.org.ru

00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:11,971 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
00:00:12,096 --> 00:00:13,681 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:13,806 --> 00:00:15,349 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:15,474 --> 00:00:18,561 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,271 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,396 --> 00:00:21,605 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
00:00:21,731 --> 00:00:25,151 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:25,276 --> 00:00:28,112 Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
00:00:28,237 --> 00:00:32,992 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:38,080 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:39,832 You guys! You guys!
00:00:39,957 --> 00:00:41,625 Chef is going away.
00:00:42,460 --> 00:00:44,295 Going away? For how long?
00:00:45,254 --> 00:00:46,589 Forever.
00:00:46,714 --> 00:00:48,966 I'm sorry, boys.
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:51,385 STAN: Chef said he's been bored,
00:00:51,510 --> 00:00:53,929 so he's joining a group called the Super Adventure Club.
00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:55,514 Wow!
00:00:55,639 --> 00:00:58,100 Chef, what kind of questions do you think
00:00:58,225 --> 00:01:00,978 adventuring around the world is gonna answer?!
00:01:01,103 --> 00:01:04,190 What's the meaning of life? Why are we here?
00:01:04,315 --> 00:01:06,358 I hope you're making the right choice.
00:01:06,484 --> 00:01:07,943 I'm gonna miss him.
00:01:08,069 --> 00:01:10,237 I'm gonna miss Chef, and I --
00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:12,448 and I don't know how to tell him!
00:01:13,074 --> 00:01:14,700 Dude, how are we gonna go on?
00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:17,536 Chef was our f-friend.
00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,705 And we will all miss you, Chef.
00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:22,583 But we know you must do what your heart tells you.
00:01:22,708 --> 00:01:25,127 [ Music continues ]
00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:26,087 - Bye-bye! - Goodbye!
00:01:26,212 --> 00:01:28,172 - So long, Chef! - So long! Bye, Chef!
00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:29,423 Goodbye, Chef!
00:01:29,548 --> 00:01:31,884 Have a great time with the Super Adventure Club!
00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:33,302 Goodbye.
00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:37,139 - See you later! - Bye, Chef!
00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:39,308 [ Sobbing ]
00:01:40,935 --> 00:01:44,021 [ Music continues ]
00:01:44,146 --> 00:01:48,818 <i>And now part two of "Life Without Chef."</i>
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:51,695 Draw two cards, fat-ass.
00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:54,073 Reverse to you, Jew.
00:01:54,198 --> 00:01:56,450 - [ Doorbell rings ] - I'll get it.
00:01:57,326 --> 00:01:58,494 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:00,371 Hello, there, children!
00:02:00,496 --> 00:02:01,747 He's back!
00:02:01,872 --> 00:02:03,707 - Yeah! - Yeah! All right!
00:02:03,833 --> 00:02:06,335 [ Cheers and applause ]
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,254 Chef, I can't believe you're back!
00:02:08,379 --> 00:02:09,797 Well, it's true.
00:02:09,922 --> 00:02:11,090 But are you back for good?!
00:02:11,215 --> 00:02:12,424 That's right.
00:02:12,550 --> 00:02:15,344 Hey, everybody, Chef's back!
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:17,680 - All right! Yeah! - Huh? Oh!
00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:19,223 Oh, finally!
00:02:19,348 --> 00:02:21,475 [All cheering ]
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,519 [ Laughter ]
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,020 That's great! That's great!
00:02:25,146 --> 00:02:26,856 Wow. It seems like you had a great time
00:02:26,981 --> 00:02:28,566 with the Super Adventure Club, Chef.
00:02:28,691 --> 00:02:30,526 They sound like really interesting people.
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:31,735 Yeah.
00:02:31,861 --> 00:02:32,987 But now that you're back here,
00:02:33,112 --> 00:02:35,990 does that mean you're not in the Super Adventure Club anymore?
00:02:36,615 --> 00:02:37,908 No, no!
00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:40,035 Oh, so have you decided you can still belong
00:02:40,161 --> 00:02:41,328 to the Super Adventure Club
00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:43,414 but live here in South Park again?
00:02:43,539 --> 00:02:44,790 That's right!
00:02:44,915 --> 00:02:46,667 Well, it seems like the Super Adventure Club
00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:47,960 was just what you needed, Chef.
00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:49,587 You must be feeling very happy
00:02:49,712 --> 00:02:51,589 that you found a club to belong to with new friends
00:02:51,714 --> 00:02:53,382 but that you can also live here in South Park
00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:56,969 with all your old friends whom you care for deeply, right?
00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:58,929 That's right! Randy!
00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:01,891 Yeah. Yeah! [ Laughter ]
00:03:02,016 --> 00:03:04,101 Well, Chef, you're welcome to stay here with me
00:03:04,226 --> 00:03:05,644 until you buy another house.
00:03:05,769 --> 00:03:08,647 Thank you. Jimbo.
00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:09,690 Well, come on, everybody.
00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:12,067 I'm sure Chef would like a little time to get moved in.
00:03:12,193 --> 00:03:13,861 That's right! Thank you!
00:03:13,986 --> 00:03:15,654 Goodbye! Everybody!
00:03:15,779 --> 00:03:17,072 - Later! - Great to have you back!
00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:18,449 - Bye-bye! - See you, Chef!
00:03:18,574 --> 00:03:20,367 See you later, Chef! Bye!
00:03:20,492 --> 00:03:23,329 Well, I guess we'll see you in school tomorrow, Chef.
00:03:23,454 --> 00:03:25,623 You bet. Goodbye!
00:03:25,748 --> 00:03:27,917 Children!
00:03:29,335 --> 00:03:30,127 Right.
00:03:30,252 --> 00:03:32,338 Uh, see ya.
00:03:33,422 --> 00:03:34,924 Uh, guys...
00:03:35,049 --> 00:03:38,385 did Chef seem a little, uh, trippy to you?
00:03:41,347 --> 00:03:43,307 Well, look. He said he's happier now.
00:03:43,432 --> 00:03:45,059 Maybe he just needs to rest up a little.
00:03:45,184 --> 00:03:47,311 Yeah, I'm sure whatever that Super Adventure Club does
00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:49,063 - is pretty tiring. - Yeah. Look, whatever.
00:03:49,188 --> 00:03:50,397 I'm just glad he's back for good.
00:03:50,522 --> 00:03:51,857 Mrph rm rph.
00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:53,901 [ Bell rings ]
00:03:54,026 --> 00:03:55,069 It's really weird what he said.
00:03:55,194 --> 00:03:56,487 I don't know. It kind of confused me.
00:03:56,612 --> 00:03:57,488 Oh, boy! Oh, boy!
00:03:57,613 --> 00:03:59,782 I can't wait to have Chef's lunch food again!
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,951 Yeah. I hope he makes his Salisbury steak
00:04:02,076 --> 00:04:02,868 with buttered noodles!
00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:04,912 - You guys, you guys! - What?
00:04:05,037 --> 00:04:06,538 Something's wrong with Chef.
00:04:06,664 --> 00:04:08,749 He's saying some really weird stuff.
00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:10,417 Like what?
00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:13,963 I think -- I think he wants to have sex with me.
00:04:14,088 --> 00:04:15,464 What?
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,049 I got to -- I got to go.
00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:20,511 Weirdo.
00:04:20,636 --> 00:04:22,346 Hello, there, children!
00:04:22,471 --> 00:04:23,472 - Hey, Chef! - Mrph rm!
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,224 - How's it going? - Good.
00:04:25,349 --> 00:04:27,393 Well, how about I meet you boys after work, and we...
00:04:27,518 --> 00:04:29,561 ♪ Make love ♪
00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:32,731 Excuse me?
00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:33,857 Come on, children.
00:04:33,983 --> 00:04:36,068 You're my sexual fantasy.
00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:39,405 Let's all make sweet love.
00:04:40,906 --> 00:04:43,284 Chef, a-are you okay?
00:04:43,409 --> 00:04:45,411 ♪ I want to stick my balls ♪
00:04:45,536 --> 00:04:47,955 Inside your rectum. Kyle.
00:04:49,540 --> 00:04:51,166 Dude, what are you saying?
00:04:51,292 --> 00:04:52,835 ♪ I'm gonna make love to ♪
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,212 Your asshole, children.
00:04:57,715 --> 00:04:58,757 What?!
00:04:59,717 --> 00:05:02,094 Hi, kids. I'm Detective Jarvis.
00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:04,888 Uh, I need to ask you all some difficult questions
00:05:05,014 --> 00:05:07,474 about your school cafeteria chef.
00:05:07,599 --> 00:05:09,101 This doesn't make any sense!
00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:11,687 We have some information that all this time,
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:15,065 Chef has been, and still is, a pedophile.
00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:16,900 No, he's not.
00:05:17,026 --> 00:05:18,652 Uh-huh.
00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:20,571 No, he's not.
00:05:20,696 --> 00:05:22,656 Yeah. Yeah, he is so.
00:05:22,781 --> 00:05:24,241 What's a pedal file?
00:05:24,366 --> 00:05:27,453 Now, we need some testimony in order to arrest Chef,
00:05:27,578 --> 00:05:31,040 so I'm gonna use this doll to ask you kids a few questions.
00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:34,877 Did Chef ever touch any of you here?
00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:35,836 No!
00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:38,172 Okay. Did he touch you here?
00:05:38,297 --> 00:05:39,089 ALL: No!
00:05:39,715 --> 00:05:41,633 Did he ever do this?
00:05:41,759 --> 00:05:42,843 How about this?
00:05:42,968 --> 00:05:44,219 BI-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl!
00:05:44,345 --> 00:05:46,472 My Uncle Bud did that to me once!
00:05:47,431 --> 00:05:50,351 Did Chef ever try one of these on for size?
00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:52,853 God damn it! Chef isn't like that!
00:05:52,978 --> 00:05:54,396 Something funny is going on here!
00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:56,523 Young man, will you please pay attention?
00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:58,275 This is very important stuff!
00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:01,445 Oh! Ooh.
00:06:01,570 --> 00:06:03,655 [ Bell rings ]
00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:11,914 Hello, there, children!
00:06:13,207 --> 00:06:16,335 Chef, the police are asking questions about you.
00:06:16,460 --> 00:06:17,336 Oh, really?
00:06:17,461 --> 00:06:19,171 Well, let's all go home and...
00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:20,422 ♪ Make love ♪
00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:22,883 No, Chef, we don't want to make love to you.
00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:26,428 Kenny, how would you like to sodomize my black ass?!
00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:27,596 Chef! Chef!
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:28,764 You need to get out of here
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:30,474 before you get arrested, all right?!
00:06:30,599 --> 00:06:33,644 I specializes in your asshole, Kyle.
00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:37,689 [ Suspenseful music plays ]
00:06:37,815 --> 00:06:39,900 Man, I can't believe all this time
00:06:40,025 --> 00:06:41,902 Chef just wanted us for sex.
00:06:42,027 --> 00:06:43,946 He didn't want us for sex, fat-ass!
00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:45,781 Something is making him say those things.
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:46,907 Mrph rm?
00:06:47,032 --> 00:06:49,159 Something must have happened to Chef while he was gone.
00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:50,202 Maybe he hit his head
00:06:50,327 --> 00:06:52,538 or got stuck in some quantum time vortex.
00:06:52,663 --> 00:06:54,248 Look, he spent the last three months
00:06:54,373 --> 00:06:55,332 with that adventurers' club.
00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:56,875 Maybe they know what happened to him.
00:06:57,000 --> 00:07:00,963 Mrph! Rmhmhm rm mrph rphmrmhmhm rm rmphmhm rm!
00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:01,797 Yeah!
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:03,507 All right! Come on, guys!
00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:06,427 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:07:06,552 --> 00:07:09,930 [ Bird calling ]
00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:15,185 Hey, guys. You know what they call a Jewish woman's boobs?
00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:16,311 Joobs.
00:07:16,437 --> 00:07:18,689 [ Rope creaking ]
00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:23,026 [ Doorbell rings ]
00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:25,195 May I help you?
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:28,532 Uh, hi. Can we speak to the head guy or something?
00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:30,075 Right this way.
00:07:32,161 --> 00:07:34,872 Now, the upper rim of Kilimanjaro
00:07:34,997 --> 00:07:37,374 should be quite a trek, and so we'll need to have a --
00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:38,584 Excuse me, sir.
00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:40,711 These boys wanted to speak with you.
00:07:40,836 --> 00:07:43,297 Ah, yes! Splendid! Good afternoon, lads!
00:07:43,422 --> 00:07:46,300 I'm head adventurer William P. Connelly, Esquire.
00:07:46,425 --> 00:07:48,343 Welcome to the Super Adventure Club!
00:07:48,469 --> 00:07:49,261 - Jolly-o! - Cheers!
00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:50,304 - Hello! - Indeed!
00:07:50,429 --> 00:07:51,930 Uh, hi.
00:07:52,055 --> 00:07:53,765 Our friend joined your club a while back,
00:07:53,891 --> 00:07:56,185 and now he wants to molest kids.
00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:58,937 What?
00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:01,023 Well -- Well, yes, of course!
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:03,358 That's what the Super Adventure Club does!
00:08:03,942 --> 00:08:04,693 Huh?
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:07,237 We travel the world and have sex with children.
00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:09,406 Yes. What else would we do?
00:08:10,199 --> 00:08:11,909 Well, we thought you went exploring
00:08:12,034 --> 00:08:13,494 and, like, hunting and stuff.
00:08:13,619 --> 00:08:15,496 No, no. That's the Adventure Club.
00:08:15,621 --> 00:08:17,080 We're the <i>Super</i> Adventure Club.
00:08:17,206 --> 00:08:21,001 Next week, we will be heading to the outer banks of the Amazon,
00:08:21,126 --> 00:08:22,294 where we will make camp
00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:24,796 and have sex with children of the Ugani tribe.
00:08:24,922 --> 00:08:26,840 Then it's off to the mighty Himalayas,
00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:28,217 where we will climb K2
00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:30,844 and molest several Tibetan children on the east summit.
00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:32,262 Dude!
00:08:32,387 --> 00:08:33,931 I know! But it gets even better!
00:08:34,056 --> 00:08:36,433 From there, we will kayak to the fruitful banks
00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:37,809 of the Mili River in Africa,
00:08:37,935 --> 00:08:40,812 where the secret and mysterious Hanini people have children
00:08:40,938 --> 00:08:43,524 who have never seen a white man's erect penis.
00:08:43,649 --> 00:08:45,734 Of course, we're always looking for kids to have sex with
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,361 on the plane rides over to these places.
00:08:47,486 --> 00:08:50,739 So how would you all like to join the Super Adventure Club?!
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:52,449 No!
00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:54,076 No?
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:55,494 Oh, really?
00:08:55,619 --> 00:08:58,622 Perhaps I should ask you again.
00:08:58,747 --> 00:09:00,499 [ Whistles ]
00:09:00,624 --> 00:09:03,335 How would you like to join the Super Adventure Club?
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:05,087 [ Whistles ]
00:09:05,837 --> 00:09:06,880 No.
00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:10,425 [ Whistles ]
00:09:10,551 --> 00:09:11,802 Dude, what are you doing?
00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:14,221 Oh, well. It doesn't work on everybody.
00:09:14,346 --> 00:09:15,639 Well, so long, then.
00:09:15,764 --> 00:09:17,015 Just what the hell is that thing?!
00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:19,184 What? What thing? I don't see anything.
00:09:19,309 --> 00:09:21,812 - Ha! I knew it! - Knew what?
00:09:21,937 --> 00:09:24,565 The reason Chef has been saying those terrible things about us
00:09:24,690 --> 00:09:28,652 is because he's been brainwashed by this fruity little club!
00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:31,780 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,825 Oh, son of a bitch!
00:09:39,204 --> 00:09:40,122 Come on, children.
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:40,998 Let's all go home and...
00:09:41,123 --> 00:09:42,374 ♪ Make love ♪
00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:44,001 You need to see a psychiatrist, Chef.
00:09:44,126 --> 00:09:45,002 It's for your own good.
00:09:45,127 --> 00:09:46,044 I'd just like to...
00:09:46,169 --> 00:09:46,878 ♪ Make love ♪
00:09:47,004 --> 00:09:48,046 Up your butt.
00:09:48,171 --> 00:09:49,423 Oh, my God!
00:09:49,548 --> 00:09:51,049 Mr. Chef, is it?
00:09:51,174 --> 00:09:52,759 All right. Come on.
00:09:55,804 --> 00:09:58,265 Hello. I'm Dr. Neeland. What can I do for you today?
00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:00,267 Hi. Our friend has been brainwashed
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:02,686 by some fruity little club.
00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:04,187 Brainwashed?
00:10:04,313 --> 00:10:06,106 Yeah, he joined the Super Adventure Club,
00:10:06,231 --> 00:10:08,483 and they convinced him having sex with kids was okay
00:10:08,609 --> 00:10:10,360 with a little thing that goes: [makes whistling noise].
00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:12,863 I thought that club was for hiking and kayaking.
00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:14,114 No, that's the Adventure Club.
00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:16,074 The <i>Super</i> Adventure Club has sex with children.
00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:17,326 Oh.
00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:18,910 Oh! That's right. Yeah.
00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:22,456 Doctor, do you have...children?
00:10:22,581 --> 00:10:24,791 Why, yes. I have two young boys.
00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:28,128 Have y'all been sodomizing your childrens, too?!
00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,589 You say he's never been like this before?
00:10:30,714 --> 00:10:32,299 No. Chef has always been super cool.
00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:34,134 ♪ I'm gonna make love to ♪
00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:36,261 The children.
00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:38,013 He's pretty brainwashed, all right.
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:39,348 Worst case I've ever seen.
00:10:39,473 --> 00:10:40,390 So what can we do?
00:10:40,515 --> 00:10:42,225 I'm afraid there's no simple answer.
00:10:42,351 --> 00:10:45,103 When somebody is brainwashed, it can take months, even years,
00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:46,271 to reverse the process.
00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:47,939 But we don't have years!
00:10:48,065 --> 00:10:50,275 If Chef keeps this up, he's gonna go to jail forever!
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,861 Tell me -- What was Chef's favorite thing to do
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:55,238 before it was having sex with children?
00:10:55,364 --> 00:10:56,615 Having sex with <i>women.</i>
00:10:56,740 --> 00:10:57,658 Then that's it!
00:10:57,783 --> 00:11:00,702 We'd better get your friend to the Peppermint Hippo right away.
00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:04,873 [ Rock music playing, crowd cheering ]
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,500 All right, guys. Be sure to tip your waitresses.
00:11:06,625 --> 00:11:07,501 This is a two-for-one.
00:11:07,626 --> 00:11:10,337 Put your hands together. This is Monica.
00:11:12,464 --> 00:11:15,175 Aw, come on, children. Let's go home.
00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:16,385 This isn't working.
00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:18,804 Well, let's give it some more time, kids.
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:21,848 [ Hoarsely ] Would you like a dance?
00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:24,434 No, thanks. We're trying to un-brainwash our friend.
00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:26,228 Dance?
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:28,772 Anybody want a dance?
00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:32,943 Come on, bitch. Dance.
00:11:33,068 --> 00:11:34,319 Up yours, fatty.
00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:35,612 Bitch, I'll twist your nuts off.
00:11:35,737 --> 00:11:37,114 All right, guys. How we feeling out there?
00:11:37,239 --> 00:11:38,657 We got a featured dancer coming up next.
00:11:38,782 --> 00:11:42,911 Put your hands together for Spantaneous Bootay.
00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:45,580 [ Cheers and applause ]
00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:50,544 Come on, guys. We might as well go.
00:11:54,506 --> 00:11:55,799 God damn!
00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:56,925 Chef, we're leaving.
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,177 No, no. Wait. Let him go.
00:11:59,302 --> 00:12:02,931 [ Music continues ]
00:12:03,807 --> 00:12:05,684 Come here, sugar.
00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:10,313 BI-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl!
00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:14,359 BI-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl!
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:19,740 Wait a minute.
00:12:19,865 --> 00:12:21,241 He's remembering!
00:12:21,366 --> 00:12:23,869 Children, what have I done?
00:12:23,994 --> 00:12:25,704 It's okay, Chef. Go on. Remember!
00:12:25,829 --> 00:12:27,581 ♪ I'm gonna -- I'm gonna -- ♪
00:12:27,706 --> 00:12:30,000 Come on, Chef. You can do it!
00:12:30,584 --> 00:12:34,212 ♪ I'm gonna make love to you, woman ♪
00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:37,424 ♪ Gonna lay you down by the fire ♪
00:12:37,549 --> 00:12:39,593 - Yay! - Mrph rm!
00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:42,804 Hey, children, everybody! I'm back!
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:44,890 Ow!
00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:48,143 Great shot, William. Hit him with another.
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:49,686 Oh!
00:12:50,479 --> 00:12:52,397 - Chef! - Mrph!
00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:54,941 [ Thunder crashes ]
00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,693 [ Suspenseful music plays ]
00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:58,695 Tally-ho, lads!
00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,489 I must say you're starting to become
00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:02,741 quite a thorn in my balls.
00:13:02,866 --> 00:13:04,117 Where's Chef? What have you done with him?
00:13:04,242 --> 00:13:06,077 He's safe.
00:13:06,203 --> 00:13:08,371 He's fasting in the deprivation room
00:13:08,497 --> 00:13:10,791 and being read the Super Adventure Club manual.
00:13:10,916 --> 00:13:13,168 We've got to undo the damage you've done.
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:15,879 Look, if you want to go around the world molesting kids,
00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:18,298 that's totally fine, but why do you need Chef?
00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:20,967 We don't need him. He needs us!
00:13:21,092 --> 00:13:23,220 Our club offers hope.
00:13:23,345 --> 00:13:25,764 You think we go around the world molesting children
00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:28,725 just because it feels really, really, really, really good?
00:13:28,850 --> 00:13:29,726 No!
00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:31,353 Our club has a message
00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:34,314 and a secret that explains the mysteries of life.
00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:36,149 Oh, Jesus. Here we go.
00:13:36,274 --> 00:13:37,400 Very well.
00:13:37,526 --> 00:13:39,361 I'm now going to tell you the secret
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:40,779 of the Super Adventure Club.
00:13:40,904 --> 00:13:42,030 We don't want to hear it.
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:44,491 You see, the Super Adventure Club was founded
00:13:44,616 --> 00:13:48,286 by the greatest explorer of all time, William P. Phineas!
00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:50,664 Phineas climbed the highest peaks,
00:13:50,789 --> 00:13:52,499 tamed the mightiest rivers!
00:13:52,624 --> 00:13:54,167 But every time he got somewhere,
00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:57,379 he realized that other explorers had beat him to it.
00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:59,422 Phineas was depressed until he realized
00:13:59,548 --> 00:14:02,133 that if he couldn't be the first to discover places,
00:14:02,259 --> 00:14:05,136 he could be the first to have sex with the native children
00:14:05,262 --> 00:14:06,805 that inhabited those areas!
00:14:07,389 --> 00:14:10,016 Phineas quickly went down in history books as the first man
00:14:10,141 --> 00:14:12,936 to have sex with the aborigine children at Uluru
00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:14,771 and the first explorer to bugger
00:14:14,896 --> 00:14:17,232 all the underage mountain folk of Nepal!
00:14:17,816 --> 00:14:19,860 But now the most wonderful part.
00:14:19,985 --> 00:14:22,195 You see, after having sex with all those children,
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:25,282 Phineas realized that molesting all those kids
00:14:25,407 --> 00:14:27,617 had made him immortal.
00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:28,743 Immortal?
00:14:28,869 --> 00:14:30,412 CONNELLY: He discovered that children
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:32,622 have things called marlocs in their bodies.
00:14:32,747 --> 00:14:34,833 And when an adult has sex with a child,
00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:37,419 the marlocs implode, feeding the adult's receptor cavity
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:39,588 with energy that causes immortality.
00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:41,631 So sayeth the ruler of Bethos.
00:14:41,756 --> 00:14:45,760 Phineas traveled the world, loving many, many children.
00:14:45,886 --> 00:14:48,263 And he lived for eternity,
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:51,850 until he was hit by a train in 1892.
00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:55,395 Do you realize how retarded that sounds?
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:56,479 Is it any more retarded
00:14:56,605 --> 00:14:59,524 than the idea of God sending His son to die for our sins?
00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:01,234 Is it any more retarded than Buddha
00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:03,278 sitting beneath a tree for 20 years?!
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:05,947 Yeah. It's way, way more retarded.
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:09,159 Well, now that you know our club's secrets...
00:15:09,284 --> 00:15:11,703 it appears you leave us no choice.
00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:15,332 I'm afraid we're going to have to...
00:15:15,457 --> 00:15:17,083 ask you to leave.
00:15:17,208 --> 00:15:19,836 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:15:22,339 --> 00:15:24,341 We're not leaving without Chef.
00:15:24,466 --> 00:15:26,092 If you choose not to leave,
00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:28,803 then I'm afraid we're just going to have to...
00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:31,598 call security and make you leave.
00:15:31,723 --> 00:15:34,559 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:15:36,186 --> 00:15:37,187 You'll be led out by security,
00:15:37,312 --> 00:15:38,605 and it will be super embarrassing,
00:15:38,730 --> 00:15:40,190 and everyone here will see.
00:15:40,315 --> 00:15:42,400 [ Laughs evilly ]
00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:49,240 [ Thunder crashes ]
00:15:49,366 --> 00:15:51,993 [ Bird calling ]
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:54,287 You know how, like, when you want people to leave,
00:15:54,412 --> 00:15:56,790 but they won't leave, it's really frustrating?
00:15:56,915 --> 00:15:58,875 We're not going anywhere without Chef!
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,586 Cool people leave before they've overstayed their welcome.
00:16:03,713 --> 00:16:06,091 You petulant fools!
00:16:06,216 --> 00:16:08,426 You just had to push it, didn't you?
00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:11,846 You don't realize who you're dealing with here.
00:16:11,972 --> 00:16:13,390 Security!
00:16:14,975 --> 00:16:18,186 Take these boys to the door.
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:19,729 All right. Come on, kids.
00:16:19,854 --> 00:16:21,064 No! Hey!
00:16:21,189 --> 00:16:24,567 Ha ha! Look, they're being led out by security! Ha ha!
00:16:24,693 --> 00:16:25,860 No. You don't understand.
00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:28,154 They've got our friend in a deprivation room!
00:16:28,279 --> 00:16:30,782 This is their house, and they don't want you here.
00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:33,451 - [ Grunts ] - Aah!
00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:35,286 Sorry, dude, but this fruity little club
00:16:35,412 --> 00:16:37,372 isn't taking our friend!
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:41,334 And sex with Eskimo children requires some special skill.
00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:42,961 Chef, come on!
00:16:43,086 --> 00:16:44,963 Children! - Get out of here!
00:16:45,088 --> 00:16:47,257 Kenny, spin blossom nut squash!
00:16:47,382 --> 00:16:48,883 Mrph! - Ow!
00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:49,926 Come on, Chef!
00:16:50,051 --> 00:16:52,220 I can't break these locks.
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:53,555 Here!
00:16:55,223 --> 00:16:56,850 Come on, Chef!
00:16:56,975 --> 00:16:58,435 [ Up-tempo music plays ]
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,895 What the -- Impossible!
00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:02,772 I made them leave!
00:17:02,897 --> 00:17:04,274 Get outside!
00:17:04,399 --> 00:17:05,900 Stop them!
00:17:06,026 --> 00:17:08,987 - [ Screaming ] - Children, run!
00:17:11,823 --> 00:17:13,450 Stop!
00:17:14,576 --> 00:17:15,785 We made it!
00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:20,206 Don't you remember why you left South Park in the first place?
00:17:20,331 --> 00:17:22,584 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,919 - Chef, come on! - You sought adventure!
00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:27,547 And why do people seek adventure?
00:17:27,672 --> 00:17:31,176 Because their lives have become dull and empty!
00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:32,844 Yeah, he wanted adventure,
00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:36,097 not a bunch of ridiculous bullcrap, right, Chef?!
00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:39,392 Chef?
00:17:39,517 --> 00:17:42,437 Don't forget all your training, Chef.
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:46,983 Stay with us, and your life will be grand and eternal!
00:17:47,108 --> 00:17:50,028 Chef...we love you.
00:17:53,865 --> 00:17:55,408 I'm sorry, children.
00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:58,661 No! Chef! They've filled your head with lies.
00:17:58,787 --> 00:17:59,829 Can't you see that?
00:17:59,954 --> 00:18:02,082 Get the hell out of here, children!
00:18:02,207 --> 00:18:03,291 Yes.
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:06,628 Looks like our fruity little club is safe after all.
00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:08,671 [ Thunder crashes ]
00:18:08,797 --> 00:18:10,131 Aah!
00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:11,216 No!
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:13,635 - Chef! - Chef!
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,346 Aah!
00:18:16,471 --> 00:18:17,597 [ Grunts ]
00:18:17,722 --> 00:18:19,724 Ow! Oh! Aah!
00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:20,934 Oh! Damn it!
00:18:21,059 --> 00:18:22,644 [ Grunts ] Oh!
00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:23,561 No!
00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:24,979 [ Coughs ]
00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:27,023 [ Mountain lion roars ]
00:18:27,148 --> 00:18:28,066 A mountain lion!
00:18:28,191 --> 00:18:30,068 [ Screaming ]
00:18:30,193 --> 00:18:32,904 We can't lose another member! Shoot it!
00:18:33,029 --> 00:18:34,239 Aah!
00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:36,366 I right missed!
00:18:36,491 --> 00:18:37,951 Aah!
00:18:38,076 --> 00:18:40,036 - Chef! - [ Bear growling ]
00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:41,287 A grizzly bear!
00:18:53,842 --> 00:18:57,262 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:03,518 Oh, my God.
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:05,270 They killed Chef.
00:19:05,395 --> 00:19:06,938 You bastards!
00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:09,315 You bastards!
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:10,692 Pity.
00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:13,528 He would have made an excellent child molester.
00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:16,781 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
00:19:19,367 --> 00:19:21,578 Maybe -- Maybe he's still okay.
00:19:21,703 --> 00:19:22,745 No. Really!
00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:24,998 They say the last thing you do before you die is crap your --
00:19:25,123 --> 00:19:27,458 [ Farts ]
00:19:28,251 --> 00:19:30,044 Oh, never mind.
00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:32,338 Come on. Let's go.
00:19:35,300 --> 00:19:37,552 [ Music continues ]
00:19:53,568 --> 00:19:54,736 We're all here today
00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:57,906 because Chef has been such an important part of our lives.
00:19:58,740 --> 00:20:01,743 A lot of us don't agree with the choices Chef has made
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:03,286 in the past few days.
00:20:03,411 --> 00:20:06,289 Some of us feel hurt and confused
00:20:06,414 --> 00:20:08,291 that he seemed to turn his back on us.
00:20:08,416 --> 00:20:11,044 But we can't let the events of the last week
00:20:11,169 --> 00:20:14,339 take away the memories of how much Chef made us smile.
00:20:14,464 --> 00:20:16,633 I'm gonna remember Chef as the jolly old guy
00:20:16,758 --> 00:20:18,051 who always broke into song.
00:20:18,176 --> 00:20:20,220 I'm gonna remember Chef
00:20:20,345 --> 00:20:22,472 as the guy who gave us advice to live by.
00:20:23,473 --> 00:20:27,518 So, you see, we shouldn't be mad at Chef for leaving us.
00:20:27,644 --> 00:20:29,604 We should be mad at that fruity little club
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:32,690 for scrambling his brains.
00:20:32,815 --> 00:20:34,692 - [ Music continues ] - Yeah.
00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:36,069 He's right.
00:20:39,239 --> 00:20:42,075 And in the end, I know that somewhere out there,
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:45,703 there's the good part of Chef that's still alive in us all.
00:20:47,372 --> 00:20:50,458 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:52,418 Is it working? Is it working?!
00:20:52,543 --> 00:20:53,795 [ Electricity crackles ]
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:55,296 Yes. We've got a pulse!
00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:57,257 Get him in the ICU suit! Hurry!
00:20:57,382 --> 00:20:58,591 [ Whirring ]
00:20:58,716 --> 00:21:01,511 That's done it! Good! Raise him up!
00:21:01,636 --> 00:21:04,180 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:21:10,395 --> 00:21:12,438 [ Mechanical breathing ]
00:21:12,563 --> 00:21:15,400 Chef, can you hear me?
00:21:15,525 --> 00:21:16,943 Say something.
00:21:17,068 --> 00:21:20,154 [ Mechanically ] Hello, there, children.
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:25,159 How would you like some Salisbury steak?
00:21:25,285 --> 00:21:26,744 Yes. Go on.
00:21:26,869 --> 00:21:28,788 And for dessert,
00:21:28,913 --> 00:21:30,665 how would you children like to suck
00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:34,085 on my chocolate salty balls?
00:21:34,210 --> 00:21:37,213 Oh. You mean like a chocolate candy?
00:21:37,338 --> 00:21:40,383 No. I mean my balls.
00:21:40,508 --> 00:21:41,592 Yes!
00:21:41,718 --> 00:21:44,012 Yes! [ Laughs evilly ]

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