Следи за яйцом!

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♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:15,683

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

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♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

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♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

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♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

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♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

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Mrph rmhmhm rm!

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

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♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

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Okay, children.

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This week we are

all going to learn about...

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parenting.

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I'm gonna pair all the boys

and girls in class into couples

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and give each couple...an egg.

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You must care for

and look after this egg

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just like a baby

for one full week.

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If you break your egg,

it means you have a dead baby.

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And if you kill your baby,

you get an "F."

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When I announce your names,

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please move and sit with

the person you're paired with.

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Heidi, you'll be with Eric.

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Aw!

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Annie, you'll be a family

with Timmy.

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Timmy!

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Millie, your husband is Craig.

Powder...

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Oh, no, dude.

He's gonna put me with Wendy.

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Mrph?

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So I haven't even spoken

to Wendy since we broke up.

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And, Wendy...

Wendy will be with Kyle.

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Kyle?

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Bebe, you're paired up

with Stan.

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Lola and Token.

Red and Craig.

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And Esther and Bradley.

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Now, I'm going to sign

each of your eggs myself

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so that we'll know

it's the same one

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at the end of the week.

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That way if anybody cheats

and tries to replace their eggs,

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we'll know...Eric.

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All you have to do

is make it to Friday

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with your egg unharmed

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to prove what great

little parents you are.

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Okay, children.

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You can take

the rest of the school period

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to decorate your egg

however you wish.

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Good luck, and remember --

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A dead baby means an "F"

for the parents.

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♪ Just look at

all these little families ♪

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♪ Newfound couples

in a happy home ♪

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♪ It takes me back

to another time ♪

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♪ When I had a love of my own ♪

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♪ Love -- Love lost long ago ♪

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♪ It was special then ♪

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♪ It's over now ♪

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♪ Love -- So darned frail,

you know ♪

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♪ It shriveled and dried ♪

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♪ I don't know how ♪

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♪ Love -- Love lost long ago ♪

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♪ It was special then ♪

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♪ It's over now ♪

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♪ Guess that I'll never know

how it all went wrong ♪

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♪ How? How? How? ♪

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♪ But perhaps I should try

to boldly go ♪

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♪ And rekindle that love

lost long ago ♪

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Hello, Mr. Slave.

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Mr. Garrison!

Oh, Jesus!

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Just let me say

what I came here to say.

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I know we had a falling-out,

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and things were said

that shouldn't have been said.

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I want to apologize

for calling you a faggot.

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That's -- That's wonderful,

Mr. Garrison.

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Well, wait, wait.

It gets better.

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I've forgiven you

for walking out on me

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after I had my sex change,

and --

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and I'm ready to take you back,

Mr. Slave!

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Ooh.

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Well, give us a kiss!

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Slave, honey, is that the pizza?

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What the hell is he doing here?!

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Mr. Garrison,

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Al and I have been living

together for a few months.

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Well, that didn't take you long,

did it?!

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Slave, should I leave

you two alone?

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Yes!

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No!

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Mr. Garrison, there's something

you should know.

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Al and I are getting married.

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Married?!

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Yes.

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You can't get married!

You're faggots!

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Oh, Jesus Christ.

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Mr. Slave, I am legally

a woman now.

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If you want to get married,

you have to marry me!

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Oh, that's not true.

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Colorado is about to pass a bill

which allows same-sex marriage.

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We're getting married

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right after the bill passes

on Saturday.

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Oh, that's just great.

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They're gonna let queers

and homos get married, huh?

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Okay. That's enough.

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Out, Mr. Garrison.

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We'll just see about this,

you fudge-packing fags!

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I'll stop that gay-marriage law.

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Oh, my God! You're just saying

that because you're jealous!

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Jealous of what?

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I'm doing this

out of principle --

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to protect the sanctity

of marriage!

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Fags are gettin' married

over my dead body!

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Hello?

Oh, hey, dude.

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So...what are

you and Wendy doing?

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We're just making a cradle out

of an egg carton for our egg.

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We figured that way

it'll be easier to keep safe

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- so we can get an "A."

- Uh-huh.

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I don't think it's gonna be that

hard to keep it from breaking.

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This whole assignment is stupid.

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Yeah.

Well, so is your hat.

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Stan, I need you

to watch the egg for a while.

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I can't.

I'm busy.

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I've been looking after it

all day.

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I have to go to the hair salon

and the candy store.

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So take it with you.

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Stan, this is our egg!

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We're both supposed to take care

of it.

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Maybe I didn't want to have an

egg with you, okay, Bebe?

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Well, whether you wanted to or

not doesn't really matter now.

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We're going to get graded

together.

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It's your egg, too.

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Own up to your

responsibilities!

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♪ This is it ♪

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♪ This is it ♪

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♪ This is life ♪

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These homosexuals think

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they can just step all over

our traditions.

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Well, I say marriage

is a holy sacrament

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between a man and a woman!

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Who is that lady?

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I don't know,

but she is pissed!

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They passed this law

behind our backs!

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We need to tell the governor

and the world

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that gay marriage is not okay,

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that homosexuals cannot muddy

our traditions.

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And there is only one way

for us, all together,

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to make that message

very clear --

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We need to round up

three or four queers

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and beat the living hell

out of 'em!

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Come on, everybody!

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Let's get some queers

and some trucks

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and have us a good old-fashioned

fag drag!

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Well, uh, we were thinking

we would, you know,

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just go appeal to the governor.

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Appeal to the governor?

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Oh, come on!

Where's your balls?!

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Fag drag!

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We don't hate homosexuals.

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We -- We just don't want them

to able to marry.

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We were just thinking

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of going and asking the governor

to veto the bill.

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Yeah.

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F-Fag drag?

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Governor, we have collected

over 1,000 signatures

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requesting that you veto

this gay-marriage bill.

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Oh, geez.

I knew this would happen.

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First, the gay people come

in here wanting equal rights.

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Then this bill gets passed,

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and now all the people

against it want me to veto it.

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Why do I have to make

this decision?!

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Because you're the governor?

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I just wanted a big house

and lots of respect!

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I didn't want this kind

of responsibility!

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I mean, I don't know anything

about gay marriage.

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What argument can I use to deny

them their right to a family?

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Well, think of the children.

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If you allow gays

to get married,

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then you're also giving them

full rights as parents to adopt.

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You think kids

can be raised by queers?

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I can't use that argument.

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There's never been a study done

which proves that either way.

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But...if you had such a study --

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a scientific study

which proved same-sex couples

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are incapable

of raising a child...

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Then I would have something

to fall back on,

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s-something to take

all the pressure off of me.

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Mr. Governor...

I will get you that study.

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Hey, Wendy.

How's your egg doing?

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Oh, great.

It's a pretty easy project.

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Kyle's really good

with the egg.

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Yeah. I wish I had

a partner like Kyle.

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I went to go pick up the egg

from Stan yesterday,

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and his dog had it

in its mouth.

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Our egg isn't gonna last

a week with Stan around.

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Okay, students!

Change of plan!

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You've all been doing

a great job

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taking care of your eggs,

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but now we're gonna

mix it up a little.

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Wendy and Kyle

will no longer be together.

00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:05,879

Ha!

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Let's see what happens

00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:09,716

when we put

two same-sex couples together

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to take care of an egg,

shall we?

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Kyle, you are now with Stan,

and Wendy is with Bebe.

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Why?

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Come on, Bebe.

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We'll take your egg for you

and Wendy to look after.

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Oh, goody!

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We'll just take this egg for

Stan and Kyle to look out for.

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No! No.

That's my egg.

00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:27,943

Wendy, we're doing

an experiment.

00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,820

Here you go, boys.

00:09:29,945 --> 00:09:32,114

But I made that egg.

Mr. Garrison, please.

00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:34,283

Y-You can't give my egg to Stan.

He'll break it.

00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:37,160

Oh, now, what makes you

say that, Wendy?

00:09:37,286 --> 00:09:40,831

I'm sure two boys

can handle an egg just fine.

00:09:40,956 --> 00:09:43,458

And if not...

we'll certainly prove a point

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to that goddamn governor,

won't we?

00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:47,170

Who?

00:09:47,296 --> 00:09:50,215

Never mind.

Just carry on, children.

00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:54,511

Just carry on as two reckless

little boys will.

00:09:58,140 --> 00:09:59,558

Okay. There.

00:09:59,683 --> 00:10:01,226

Now we can carry

our egg around in this case

00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:02,394

without it getting cracked.

00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:04,438

Give it to me.

I'll take it home tonight.

00:10:04,563 --> 00:10:06,898

Look, Stan, you want me to

just take care of this egg?

00:10:07,024 --> 00:10:08,066

Why do you say that?

00:10:08,191 --> 00:10:10,652

It's just that

I really need this "A," Stan.

00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:13,530

And Bebe did say

you almost broke your last egg.

00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:15,198

That's because

I was pissed off!

00:10:15,324 --> 00:10:16,992

At who?

00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:18,619

Hang on.

00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:21,997

I want to see my egg.

00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:22,914

Huh?

00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:25,334

I want to see my egg.

00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:27,753

Wendy, it isn't your egg

anymore.

00:10:27,878 --> 00:10:30,297

Yes, it is. I made it.

I decorated it.

00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:31,465

Well, you might have made it,

00:10:31,590 --> 00:10:33,342

but we're the ones

who are taking care of it now.

00:10:33,467 --> 00:10:35,010

You have your own egg

to look out for.

00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:37,638

I just want to hold my egg

for a couple minutes.

00:10:37,763 --> 00:10:39,222

Wendy, I just want to get

an "A," okay?

00:10:39,348 --> 00:10:41,683

Let's not make this any more

confusing than it already is.

00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:47,064

Don't let anything

happen to it -- please.

00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:48,440

Wendy, nothing's gonna happen

to the egg.

00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:51,360

You can have it when the week

is over and I get my grade.

00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:54,696

Freakin' weirdos, man.

00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:56,531

You think you're so great,

don't you?

00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:58,950

Well, guess what.

Maybe I don't need your help.

00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:00,369

I'm taking the egg home tonight,

00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:01,745

and I'm gonna show

everybody tomorrow

00:11:01,870 --> 00:11:04,623

that I'm every bit as good

a egg take-care-of-er as you!

00:11:07,376 --> 00:11:09,670

What the hell is wrong

with everybody?

00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:13,674

Okay, children.

It's Wednesday.

00:11:13,799 --> 00:11:15,759

Time for an official egg check.

00:11:15,884 --> 00:11:17,010

Heidi and Eric?

00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:18,178

Our egg is fine.

00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:19,763

Okay.

Annie and Timmy?

00:11:19,888 --> 00:11:21,056

Timmy!

00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:22,140

Good.

00:11:22,265 --> 00:11:24,309

Millie and Clyde,

I saw yours before class.

00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:26,520

- Powder and Kenny?

- Mrph rmhmhm rm!

00:11:26,645 --> 00:11:30,107

Now how about our gay couple,

Stan and Kyle?

00:11:30,232 --> 00:11:31,525

Fine.

00:11:32,109 --> 00:11:32,901

What?

00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,528

No problems at all.

00:11:35,112 --> 00:11:36,321

That's impossible!

00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:39,616

Are you sure you didn't break it

and switch eggs on me?

00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:40,826

Where's my signature?

00:11:40,951 --> 00:11:42,619

It's -- It's right there.

See?

00:11:43,245 --> 00:11:45,789

Two boys can't possibly

take care of an egg!

00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:47,165

Dude, it's totally fine.

00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:48,417

It isn't fine!

00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:50,961

It has two daddies!

You call that fine?!

00:11:51,086 --> 00:11:52,629

It may be fine on the outside,

00:11:52,754 --> 00:11:54,798

but inside it's confused

and embarrassed!

00:11:54,923 --> 00:11:57,718

Look at the freak egg!

It has two daddies!

00:11:57,843 --> 00:12:00,303

♪ Two daddies!

Two daddies! ♪

00:12:00,429 --> 00:12:02,639

Come on, class!

Let's rip on the freak egg!

00:12:02,764 --> 00:12:05,434

♪ Two daddies!

Two daddies! ♪

00:12:06,017 --> 00:12:08,270

Tom, I'm standing outside

the governor's office,

00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:11,606

where, in just two days, the

governor can either sign or veto

00:12:11,732 --> 00:12:13,692

the new bill

allowing gay marriage.

00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:15,527

Same-sex couples

from all over the state

00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:16,737

have shown up in support,

00:12:16,862 --> 00:12:19,072

while dissenters

have also converged.

00:12:19,197 --> 00:12:21,533

The governor

is about to give a statement.

00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:24,619

I believe that I might have

come up with a compromise

00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:27,247

to this whole problem

that will make everyone happy.

00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:29,249

People in the gay community

00:12:29,374 --> 00:12:31,293

want the same rights

as married couples,

00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:34,713

but dissenters don't want

the word "marriage" corrupted.

00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:37,007

So how about we let

gay people get married

00:12:37,132 --> 00:12:39,134

but call it something else?

00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:43,889

You homosexuals will have

all the exact same rights

00:12:44,014 --> 00:12:45,140

as married couples.

00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:48,477

But instead of referring

to you as married,

00:12:48,602 --> 00:12:51,772

you can be butt buddies.

00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:58,028

Instead of being "man and wife,"

you'll be "butt buddies."

00:12:58,653 --> 00:13:00,781

You won't be "betrothed."

00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:03,283

You'll be "butt buddies."

00:13:03,408 --> 00:13:04,409

Get it?

00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:09,289

Instead of a bride and groom,

you'd be butt buddies.

00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:11,416

We want to be treated equally!

00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:12,542

You are equal.

00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:15,253

It's just that

instead of getting engaged,

00:13:15,378 --> 00:13:17,964

you would be butt buddies.

00:13:18,089 --> 00:13:20,133

And everyone is happy.

00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:21,885

Well, what about lesbians?

00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:24,471

Well, like anyone cares

about fucking dykes.

00:13:28,517 --> 00:13:31,686

Oh, God.

I was sure that would work.

00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:33,730

Damn it, damn it!

00:13:33,855 --> 00:13:36,274

Stan and Kyle's egg

is still doing fine.

00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:38,735

Those little assholes

are screwing up my whole plan.

00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:41,112

Yes?

What?!

00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:48,745

What the hell is this?

00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:50,121

I broke the egg.

00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:51,498

You broke your egg?!

00:13:51,623 --> 00:13:53,250

But you're partnered

with a girl!

00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:54,584

I tried to cover it up --

00:13:54,709 --> 00:13:56,419

tried to put it back together

with modeling glue,

00:13:56,545 --> 00:13:58,421

tried to seal it with a

soldering gun -- but I give up.

00:13:58,547 --> 00:14:01,049

I can't hide it.

I broke the egg.

00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:03,343

Did you tell anyone else

about this?

00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:04,719

No.

00:14:04,845 --> 00:14:06,721

Did you tell your egg partner,

Heidi?

00:14:06,847 --> 00:14:08,223

No.

That's why I'm here.

00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,725

I think you should still give

Heidi an "A" on the project.

00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:13,061

You see, I broke the egg,

not her.

00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:16,022

And so I should get an "F"

and she should get an "A,"

00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:17,858

which means together

the grade should average out

00:14:17,983 --> 00:14:19,568

to a C-minus for both of us.

00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:21,403

I can't do that, Eric.

00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:22,904

Damn it!

I knew you'd say that!

00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:24,406

You always have it out for me!

00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:25,866

You have to get an "A," Eric.

00:14:25,991 --> 00:14:27,909

Here.

I'll sign this new egg for you.

00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:30,537

And we'll pretend this

never happened, all right?

00:14:30,662 --> 00:14:33,123

Just put on the old hair,

color in the same eyes.

00:14:33,248 --> 00:14:34,666

There we go.

Good as new.

00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:37,377

Now go enjoy

the rest of your recess.

00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:41,715

Mr. Garrison...

00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,342

you've never been

this cool to me before.

00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:45,635

Okay.

Well, you're welcome, Eric.

00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,470

Now just run along.

00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:50,932

Why are you doing this?

00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:54,269

Because I'm a nice teacher,

all right?

00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:55,437

What do you want from me?

00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:56,938

Nothing!

It's all okay!

00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:59,065

Just take your damn egg!

00:15:00,692 --> 00:15:01,735

No.

00:15:01,860 --> 00:15:04,112

Eric, you've never been anything

but a problem for me.

00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:06,323

You're taking that egg,

and if you break it again,

00:15:06,448 --> 00:15:08,617

I'll break both your legs

and burn down your house!

00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:10,452

- Do you hear me?!

- Yes, teacher.

00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:13,038

Now get out of my face!

00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:17,626

Ugh, this scientific study isn't

turning out the way I planned!

00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:21,254

Looks like I'm gonna

have to...intervene.

00:15:27,886 --> 00:15:29,179

Are you Jakartha?

00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:30,847

Who the hell are you?

00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:31,973

Mrs. Garrison.

00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:34,809

I spoke to your associates

on the telephone.

00:15:34,935 --> 00:15:35,977

Ah, yes.

00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:39,230

You are interested

in my services.

00:15:39,356 --> 00:15:43,151

I have a little problem

I need taken care of.

00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:44,736

I heard you're the best.

00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:48,323

Who do you want me to kill?

00:15:54,871 --> 00:15:56,206

What is this?

00:15:56,331 --> 00:15:58,124

It's an egg.

00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:00,377

You want me to kill an egg?

00:16:00,502 --> 00:16:01,878

I can pay $2,000 now,

00:16:02,003 --> 00:16:03,672

$3,000 more

when the job is finished.

00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:06,216

What do you expect me

to do with it?

00:16:06,341 --> 00:16:08,885

I don't care -- scramble it,

fry it -- do what you will.

00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:13,223

It has to look like an accident.

00:16:13,348 --> 00:16:14,891

I am a serious assassin.

00:16:15,016 --> 00:16:17,394

Get out of my face!

00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:20,814

What's the matter?

You afraid you can't do it?

00:16:20,939 --> 00:16:22,232

Can't say that I blame you.

00:16:22,357 --> 00:16:25,151

That egg has caused me nothing

but problems since day one.

00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:29,614

I guess you're not as good

as they say you are.

00:16:29,739 --> 00:16:33,034

I am the greatest killer

the world has ever seen.

00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:35,578

Then why are you scared

of one little egg?

00:16:35,704 --> 00:16:36,997

I will murder that egg,

00:16:37,122 --> 00:16:39,666

and I will make it curse

the day it was laid!

00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:41,793

That's more like it.

00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:48,049

Day five.

I made it.

00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:49,884

Hello?

00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:51,886

- Did you hear what's happening?

- What?

00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:53,471

Garrison is taking us

on a field trip today.

00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:54,806

He wants to do

the final egg check

00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:56,266

in front

of the governor's office.

00:16:56,391 --> 00:16:57,475

The governor's office?

00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,269

He's really taking

this grade seriously, Stan.

00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:02,230

I'm gonna come over so we can

take our egg to school together.

00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:03,940

Oh, you'd like that,

wouldn't you?

00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:05,775

I took care of this egg, Kyle,

not you.

00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:07,819

Okay, Stan. You've been

an asshole to me all week.

00:17:07,944 --> 00:17:08,987

- What is up?

- What's up?

00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:11,406

Oh, nothing, except you've been

trying to impress Wendy all week

00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:12,824

like a pathetic dickhole!

00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:13,867

Impress Wendy?

00:17:13,992 --> 00:17:15,952

You've set it up to look like

you're this awesome prince

00:17:16,077 --> 00:17:16,995

and I'm just a loser.

00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:18,455

What the hell

are you talking about?

00:17:18,580 --> 00:17:20,957

Well, guess what. I'm gonna take

this egg to class myself.

00:17:21,082 --> 00:17:23,084

And I'm gonna hold it up

in front of Wendy and say, "see?

00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:25,712

I'm every bit as good

as Kyle is."

00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:30,717

Almost too easy.

00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:34,971

Stan?

00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:47,108

Stan?

00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:48,526

Stan, I think we should talk.

00:17:48,651 --> 00:17:51,654

Dude, you should just go

be with Wendy and be happy.

00:17:51,780 --> 00:17:53,114

Stan, I don't like Wendy.

00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:55,325

All I cared about was getting

an "A" on this stupid project.

00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:56,868

Yeah.

Well, I blew it.

00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:59,496

Now we're gonna fail and Wendy

thinks I'm a total loser.

00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:01,414

I thought you didn't care

about Wendy anymore.

00:18:01,539 --> 00:18:03,583

I don't.

She's totally lame.

00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:07,420

Stan, there was never anything

between Wendy and I.

00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:09,756

I wouldn't go out with

my best friend's ex-girlfriend.

00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:13,510

I'm sorry I didn't trust you,

Kyle.

00:18:13,635 --> 00:18:16,012

I'm obviously just a crappy

best friend to have.

00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:18,890

Yeah. Well, I'm sorry

I didn't trust you either.

00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:19,599

Huh?

00:18:19,724 --> 00:18:21,684

It was really important

for me to get an "A,"

00:18:21,810 --> 00:18:23,937

and Bebe said you were

so reckless with your egg.

00:18:24,062 --> 00:18:26,189

So I made a fake one for you...

00:18:26,314 --> 00:18:28,608

and kept the original safe

with me.

00:18:28,733 --> 00:18:31,277

That's -- That's the real egg

with Garrison's signature?

00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:32,779

Yeah, dude.

I'm sorry.

00:18:32,904 --> 00:18:35,031

Then -- Then Wendy won't think

I'm a total loser.

00:18:35,156 --> 00:18:37,367

Yeah!

And I can still get my "A."

00:18:37,492 --> 00:18:39,160

Come on, buddy.

Let's go.

00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:40,286

Stan?

00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:42,747

Do you really think my hat

is stupid?

00:18:44,499 --> 00:18:46,126

As a matter of fact...

00:18:46,251 --> 00:18:49,045

I think it is the nicest hat

I've ever known.

00:18:51,214 --> 00:18:52,715

Come on!

00:18:54,509 --> 00:18:56,136

Today is a very big day

00:18:56,261 --> 00:18:58,888

in which I'm supposed to make

a very big decision.

00:18:59,013 --> 00:19:01,891

As some of you know, my biggest

issue with gay marriage

00:19:02,016 --> 00:19:03,351

regards child-rearing.

00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:05,562

And a new study

has just been concluded

00:19:05,687 --> 00:19:07,230

which will give me the ability

00:19:07,355 --> 00:19:10,066

to take no personal

responsibility in this decision.

00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:11,609

A new study?

00:19:11,734 --> 00:19:13,361

Here with the results

of that study

00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:16,072

is the lovely Mrs. Garrison.

00:19:16,197 --> 00:19:17,407

Thank you, Governor.

00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:19,993

Oh.

Jesus Christ.

00:19:20,118 --> 00:19:21,035

Ladies and gentlemen,

00:19:21,161 --> 00:19:23,454

with the help of some

adorable fourth-grade students,

00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:27,000

we've completed our scientific,

nonbiased study

00:19:27,125 --> 00:19:28,543

of fags having kids.

00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,837

Come on up, children.

00:19:31,754 --> 00:19:34,674

The parents were grouped

together as male and female.

00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:35,717

As you can see --

00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:39,596

Uh, Mrs. Garrison, you have

an emergency phone call.

00:19:39,721 --> 00:19:41,973

Yes. What is it?

I'm a little busy!

00:19:42,098 --> 00:19:43,516

Mr. Garrison, it's Kyle.

00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:45,810

Our egg is okay! We'll be there

in a couple of minutes!

00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:48,938

What?

Y-You're...You're too late!

00:19:49,063 --> 00:19:51,441

Don't fail us.

We'll be right there!

00:19:51,566 --> 00:19:53,860

No, you can't --

Hello? Hello?!

00:19:53,985 --> 00:19:55,945

You told me you killed

that freak egg!

00:19:56,070 --> 00:19:57,363

I was sure I did.

00:19:57,488 --> 00:19:58,406

Well, it's here!

00:19:58,531 --> 00:19:59,532

You'd better make damn sure

00:19:59,657 --> 00:20:02,202

it doesn't reach these steps

uncracked.

00:20:03,328 --> 00:20:04,829

Anyhow, as I was saying,

00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:08,583

we put one egg into the hands

of two male students.

00:20:10,418 --> 00:20:11,544

Thanks, dude!

00:20:11,669 --> 00:20:13,463

There!

Over there!

00:20:13,588 --> 00:20:16,507

Excuse us!

Excuse us, please!

00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:18,343

Yaaaagh!

00:20:18,468 --> 00:20:20,178

Jesus Christ!

00:20:20,303 --> 00:20:22,222

- Just keep running!

- Hey!

00:20:22,805 --> 00:20:25,433

The -- The egg that the two boys

were given does --

00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:26,893

Hang on!

Wait!

00:20:27,018 --> 00:20:28,603

Oh!

00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:34,609

In conclusion, Governor,

you can rest assured that --

00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:36,069

Oh!

00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:48,957

Teacher...our egg is...okay.

00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:53,419

This egg is fine.

00:20:53,544 --> 00:20:55,338

Gays can get married!

00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:01,803

No! No!

00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:04,347

Gays can get married?

What?

00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:11,938

I now pronounce you man and man.

00:21:20,738 --> 00:21:22,156

Boys, I'm really proud of you.

00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:25,410

You've done an amazing thing

for gay-marriage rights.

00:21:25,535 --> 00:21:26,536

What did we do?

00:21:26,661 --> 00:21:28,371

Stan, I'm sorry I doubted you.

00:21:28,496 --> 00:21:30,790

You really made a great dad.

00:21:31,291 --> 00:21:34,002

Like I give a crap

about what you think, Wendy.

00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:38,589

♪ Love -- Love lost long ago ♪

00:21:38,715 --> 00:21:40,008

♪ It was special then ♪

00:21:40,133 --> 00:21:41,968

♪ It's over now ♪

00:21:42,093 --> 00:21:46,806

♪ Guess that I'll never know

how it all went wrong ♪

00:21:46,931 --> 00:21:49,600

♪ How? How? How? ♪

00:21:49,726 --> 00:21:53,730

♪ But perhaps I should try

to boldly go ♪

00:21:53,855 --> 00:21:55,606

♪ And rekindle that love ♪

00:21:55,732 --> 00:21:59,694

♪ Lost long ago ♪

00:00:42,740 --> 00:00:46,320

Я разобью всех мальчиков и девочек в

классе по парам,

00:00:46,350 --> 00:00:49,480

и дам каждой паре...

по яйцу

00:00:49,510 --> 00:00:54,960

Вы должны заботиться и присматривать за этим

яйцом, как за ребенком - всю неделю.

00:00:54,990 --> 00:00:59,080

Если вы разобьете своё яйцо,

это значит вы убили ребенка,

00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:02,260

и если вы убьете своего ребенка, вы получите F.

00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:06,380

Когда я назову ваши имена, пожалуйста

пересядьте к тому, с кем вы в паре.

00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:08,780

Хайди, ты будешь с Эриком.

00:01:08,810 --> 00:01:09,860

ООооо.

00:01:09,900 --> 00:01:12,140

Энни, ты будешь в семье с Тимми.

00:01:12,180 --> 00:01:13,100

Тимми!

00:01:13,130 --> 00:01:15,220

Милли, твой муж - Крэг.

00:01:15,260 --> 00:01:17,850

- Паудер, ты и Кени теперь влюбленная пара.

- О, нет, чувак, он поставит меня с Вэнди.

00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:21,050

- Ииии, посмотрим, кто еще остался здесь...

- И, я не говорил с Вэнди с того момента, как мы разошлись.

00:01:21,090 --> 00:01:25,100

И, Вэнди?

Вэнди будет с Кайлом.

00:01:25,740 --> 00:01:27,030

С Кайлом ?

00:01:27,070 --> 00:01:29,000

Бэйби, ты в паре со Стэном.

00:01:29,030 --> 00:01:33,180

Лола и Токен, Рэд и Крэйг,

и Эстер с Брэдли.

00:01:33,620 --> 00:01:36,570

Теперь, я подпишу каждое из ваших яиц,

00:01:36,610 --> 00:01:39,750

чтобы быть увереным в конце недели, что это

то же самое яйцо.

00:01:39,780 --> 00:01:44,970

Теперь, если кто-то попытается меня обмануть

и заменить своё яйцо, мы об этом узнаем, Эрик

00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:50,830

Всё, что вам нужно сделать, это продержать

яйцо не разбитым , чтобы доказать какие вы

великолепные маленькие родители.

00:01:51,260 --> 00:01:55,830

Отлично, дети, теперь остаток школьного дня можете

потратить на то, чтобы оформить ваше яйцо как вам захочется.

00:01:55,860 --> 00:02:00,540

Удачи и помните, мертвый ребенок

значит F его родителям.

00:02:07,110 --> 00:02:10,280

Посмотрите на эти маленькие семьи

00:02:10,310 --> 00:02:13,540

Новоявленные пары в счастливом доме.

00:02:13,570 --> 00:02:17,050

Это уносит меня в то время

00:02:17,090 --> 00:02:20,730

Когда у меня была своя любовь.

00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:27,100

Любовь, любовь потерянная давно,

она была особой тогда, она закончилась теперь.

00:02:27,140 --> 00:02:34,170

Любовь, такая ужасно непрочная, вы знаете?

Она высохла и умерла. Не знаю как.

00:02:44,390 --> 00:02:50,590

Любовь, любовь потерянная давно,

она была особой тогда, она закончилась теперь.

00:02:50,620 --> 00:02:57,520

Наверное я никогда не узнаю

почему всё так случилось. Почему, почему, почему?

00:02:58,420 --> 00:03:07,930

Может быть мне нужно бесстрашно пойти и попытаться

зажечь заново эту любовь, потерянную так давно

00:03:15,900 --> 00:03:19,240

Мистер Гаррисон! Ооо, Иисусе!

00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:22,100

Просто дай мне сказать то, что я пришел сказать.

00:03:22,140 --> 00:03:27,990

Знаю, что мы разошлись и... были

сказаны вещи... которые не нужно было говорить.

00:03:28,020 --> 00:03:31,930

Я хочу извиниться за то что назвал тебя гомосеком.

00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:35,740

Это, это прекрасно, мистер Гаррисон!

00:03:35,770 --> 00:03:38,420

И погоди, погоди, всё намного лучше.

00:03:38,450 --> 00:03:42,610

Я простил тебя за твой уход после того как

я поменял пол, и ох...

00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:45,870

Я готов принять тебя назад , мистер Раб!

00:03:48,010 --> 00:03:49,810

Чтож, давай наконец поцелуемся!

00:03:50,260 --> 00:03:52,120

Рааб, сладкий, это пицца?

00:04:00,020 --> 00:04:02,100

Что за дьявольщина здесь происходит?!

00:04:02,130 --> 00:04:06,430

Мистер Гаррисон,

Эл и я живем вместе уже несколько месяцев.

00:04:06,470 --> 00:04:09,190

Чтож, ты забыл меня довольно быстро,

не правда ли?!

00:04:09,220 --> 00:04:11,430

Раб, мне оставить вас двоих одних?

00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:12,110

Даа.

00:04:12,150 --> 00:04:13,400

Нет!

00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:19,100

Мистер Гаррисон, есть кое что что вам нужно

знать. Эл и я собираемся пожениться.

00:04:19,930 --> 00:04:21,330

Пожениться ?

00:04:21,370 --> 00:04:22,670

Да.

00:04:22,850 --> 00:04:25,870

Вы не можете пожениться!Вы пидары!

00:04:25,910 --> 00:04:28,220

Оо, Святой Иисусе.

00:04:28,250 --> 00:04:33,130

Мистер Раб, теперь я женщина!

Если ты хочешь жениться,

ты должен жениться на мне!

00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:37,950

Оо, это не правда! В Колорадо почти принят закон,

позволяющий однополые браки.

00:04:37,980 --> 00:04:41,310

Мы женимся как раз после принятия закона

- в Субботу.

00:04:41,350 --> 00:04:45,600

Оо, это просто великолепно!

Они разрешат пидорам жениться

на пидорах, ха?!

00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:49,110

Так, достаточно. Вон, мисьер Гаррисон.

00:04:49,140 --> 00:04:51,840

Мы еще не закончили с этим,

грёбаные пидоры!!

00:04:51,870 --> 00:04:53,670

Я остановлю этот закон пидорских свадьб!

00:04:53,670 --> 00:04:57,120

О Господи, ты говоришь так потому,

что завидуешь.

00:04:57,150 --> 00:05:02,870

Завидую чему?! Я делаю это из принципа!

Чтобы защитить святость свадеб!

00:05:02,900 --> 00:05:05,810

Пидоры будут женится ЧЕРЕЗ МОЙ ТРУП!!

00:05:19,550 --> 00:05:21,650

Алло? А, привет, чувак.

00:05:21,690 --> 00:05:23,700

Итак, что ты и Вэнди делаете?

00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:27,260

Аа, мы просто делаем колыбель

из картона для яиц для нашего яйца

00:05:27,290 --> 00:05:29,590

Мы решили, что так будет безопаснее для

него и мы сможеи получить A.

00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:30,490

Оо хах...

00:05:30,530 --> 00:05:33,580

Не думаю что будет сложно защитить его

и не разбить. Вся эта затея глупа.

00:05:33,620 --> 00:05:35,220

Даа, прям как и твоя шляпа

00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:45,670

Стэн, не мог бы ты присмотреть за яйцом

некоторое время.

00:05:45,710 --> 00:05:46,710

Не могу. Я занят.

00:05:46,750 --> 00:05:49,880

Я смотрела за ним весь день.

Мне нужно зайти в парикмахерскую и

в конфетный магазин!

00:05:50,330 --> 00:05:51,730

...Ну так возьми его с собой!

00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:54,280

Стэн, это наше яйцо.

Мы оба должны заботиться о нем.

00:05:54,310 --> 00:05:56,640

А, может мне не хотелось иметь яйцо с тобой,

ясно Бэйби?!

00:05:57,390 --> 00:06:00,020

Хорошо, но то что тебе хочется не имеет значения!

00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:02,790

Нас будут оценивать вместе!

Это и твоё яйцо!

00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:04,460

Оставляю его под твою ответственность!

00:06:17,870 --> 00:06:22,390

Пидоры думают, что могут просто переступить

через наши традиции!

00:06:22,430 --> 00:06:27,730

И поэтому я говорю: Свадьба это святое таинство

между мужчиной и женщиной!

00:06:29,470 --> 00:06:31,050

Кто эта леди?

00:06:31,090 --> 00:06:33,120

Не знаю, но её вывели из себя.

00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,640

Они провели этот закон у нас за спиной!

00:06:35,670 --> 00:06:40,150

Нам нужно заявить губернатору и

миру что свадьба пидоров это не хорошо!

00:06:40,190 --> 00:06:43,170

Эти пидоры не могут пачкать наши традиции!

00:06:43,210 --> 00:06:48,200

И у нас нет другого выхода,

чтобы прояснить эту ситуацию!

00:06:48,230 --> 00:06:52,700

Нам нужно окружить трех, или четырех

пидоров и выбить из них дерьмо к чертям собачьим!

00:06:54,980 --> 00:07:01,250

Давайте, все! Давайте найдем нескольких пидоров,

несколько грузовиков и устроим старый добрый наезд на пидоров!

00:07:01,970 --> 00:07:08,110

Но это, мы думали что просто, ну знаете,

просто пойдем подадим апеляцию губернатору.

00:07:08,140 --> 00:07:12,800

Апеляцию Губернатору? Оо, прекратите!

Где ваши яйца?! Наезд на пидоров!

00:07:12,830 --> 00:07:17,890

Мы не ненавидим гомосексуалов, мы, мы

просто не хотим чтобы им можно было женится.

00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:22,480

Даа, мы просто думали пойти и поросить

губернатора наложить вето на закон.

00:07:22,510 --> 00:07:23,800

Даа !

00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:27,240

Да хах, наезд на пидоров?

00:07:29,740 --> 00:07:36,700

Губернатор, мы собрали около тысячи подписей,

требующих от вас наложить вето на эакон о гей-свадьбах!

00:07:36,740 --> 00:07:39,010

Оо, Иисусе, я знал что это случится.

00:07:39,010 --> 00:07:41,980

Сначала геи пришли с просьбами о равных правах,

00:07:42,020 --> 00:07:45,970

затем этот закон начали принимать и теперь люди

против и хотят чтобы я отменил его

00:07:46,010 --> 00:07:48,290

Почему я должен принимать это решение??

00:07:49,590 --> 00:07:51,300

Потому, что вы губернатор?

00:07:51,330 --> 00:07:56,790

Я просто хотел большой дом и много уважения.

Мне не хотелось такой ответственности

00:07:56,990 --> 00:08:03,110

Я имею в виду, я не знаю ничего о свадьбах геев.

Какие аргументы я могу использовать,

чтобы запретить им иметь семью?

00:08:03,140 --> 00:08:04,800

Ну, подумайте о детях!

00:08:04,830 --> 00:08:09,460

Если вы позволите мужикам жениться,

вы также дадите им право усыновлять детей.

00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:11,930

Думаете пидоры смогут растить детей??

00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:16,710

Я не могу воспользоваться этим аргументом.

Не было никаких исследований, доказывающих это.

00:08:18,510 --> 00:08:26,560

Но если бы у вас были результаты подобных

исследований, научных исследований, показывающих

неспособность однополых пар растить детей...

00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:31,070

Тогда у меня было бы на что ссылаться.

Что-что-то, что бы сняло с меня всё давление.

00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:35,160

Губернатор, я достану вам результаты

этих исследований.

00:08:38,460 --> 00:08:40,150

Хэй, Вэнди, как поживает твоё яйцо?

00:08:40,190 --> 00:08:44,020

Оо, прекрасно. Это довольно лёгкое задание.

Кайл довольно хорошо справляется с яйцом.

00:08:45,770 --> 00:08:47,440

Хотела бы я иметь такого же партнера, как Кайл!

00:08:47,470 --> 00:08:51,230

Вчера я пошла забрать яйцо от Стэна и

оно было у его собаки во рту!

00:08:51,260 --> 00:08:53,360

Наше яйцо, благодаря Стэну, не протянет неделю!

00:08:53,680 --> 00:08:56,220

Итак, ученики, меняем планы!

00:08:56,840 --> 00:09:02,030

Все вы отлично поработали, заботясь о своих яйцах,

но сейчас мы немножко перемешаемся.

00:09:02,030 --> 00:09:04,780

Вэнди и Кайл больше не будут вместе.

00:09:05,980 --> 00:09:11,610

Давайте посмотрим что случится, если мы

создадим однополые пары, чтобы они заботились о яйцах?!

00:09:11,650 --> 00:09:15,380

Кайл, ты теперь со Стэном!

И Вэнди с Бэйби!

00:09:15,410 --> 00:09:16,480

Почему ?

00:09:17,750 --> 00:09:21,250

Давай, Бэйби.

Вы с Вэнди будете заботиться о твоём яйце.

00:09:21,290 --> 00:09:21,840

Оо, отличненько.

00:09:21,870 --> 00:09:24,730

И мы возьмем это яйцо, чтобы о нем

заботился Стэн и Кайл.

00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:26,240

Нет. Нет, это моё яйцо.

00:09:26,270 --> 00:09:28,350

Вэнди, мы проводи эксперимент.

00:09:28,390 --> 00:09:30,030

Держите, мальчики.

00:09:30,060 --> 00:09:34,420

Но я создала это яйцо, мистер Гаррисон,

пожалуйста. Вы, вы не можете отдать

моё яйцо Стэну, он разобьет его.

00:09:34,460 --> 00:09:40,730

Оо нет, что тебя заставляет так говорить, Вэнди?

Я уверен два мальчика смогут позаботиться о яйце...

00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:45,720

И если нет, мы точно докажем то что нам нужно

проклятому губернатору, неправда ли?

00:09:46,860 --> 00:09:47,480

Кто ?

00:09:47,510 --> 00:09:53,770

Не имеет значения, просто заботьтесь, дети.

Просто заботьтесь так, как бы это сделали

два маленьких мальчика.

00:09:59,204 --> 00:10:02,534

Ладно, так. Теперь мы можем носить яйцо

в этой корзинке и оно не разобьется.

00:10:02,574 --> 00:10:04,384

Хорошо, дай его мне. Я его возьму домой на ночь.

00:10:04,424 --> 00:10:06,994

Слушай, Стэн, ты не хотел бы чтобы

я присмотрел за яйцом?

00:10:07,034 --> 00:10:08,304

Почему ты так говоришь?

00:10:08,334 --> 00:10:14,154

Это просто потому... Мне на самом деле

нужно это A, Стэн. И Бэйби сказала что ты

почти разбил своё последнее яйцо.

00:10:14,184 --> 00:10:15,674

Это потому, что я был взбешен!

00:10:15,684 --> 00:10:16,284

Из за кого?

00:10:16,684 --> 00:10:18,144

Погоди.

00:10:21,314 --> 00:10:22,564

Я хочу увидеть своё яйцо.

00:10:22,594 --> 00:10:23,164

Чё?

00:10:23,194 --> 00:10:25,344

Я хочу увидеть своё яйцо.

00:10:25,384 --> 00:10:28,314

Вэнди, теперь это не твоё яйцо!

00:10:28,344 --> 00:10:30,914

Нет, моё. Я его сделала, я его украшала.

00:10:30,954 --> 00:10:34,004

Чтож, может быть ты его и делала, но мы

те, кто заботиться о нем теперь.

00:10:34,034 --> 00:10:35,424

У тебя своё яйцо, за которым

нужно присматривать!

00:10:35,464 --> 00:10:38,204

...Я просто хочу подержать своё яйцо

пару минут.

00:10:38,234 --> 00:10:39,824

Вэнди, мне нужно получить А, ладно

00:10:39,864 --> 00:10:42,264

Давай не будем делать всё сложнее,

чем это уже есть

00:10:43,684 --> 00:10:46,274

Не дай ничему с ним случиться, пожалуйста.

00:10:47,414 --> 00:10:51,294

Вэнди, с яйцом ничего не случится.

В конце недели, когда я получу оценку,

ты сможешь его забрать.

00:10:53,174 --> 00:10:54,644

Странная чудачка, чел.

00:10:55,454 --> 00:10:57,874

Ты думаешь, что ты великолепен, да?!

Чтож, знаешь что?!

00:10:57,904 --> 00:10:59,694

Возможно мне не нужна твоя помощь!

00:10:59,734 --> 00:11:01,004

Я забираю яйцо домой на ночь,

00:11:01,044 --> 00:11:04,684

и завтра я покажу всем, что

я такой же яйце-заботливый, как ты!

00:11:07,964 --> 00:11:09,434

Какого черта случилось со всеми?

00:11:12,124 --> 00:11:17,544

Отлично, дети, сегодня среда!

День официальной проверки яиц! Хайди и Эрик?

00:11:17,574 --> 00:11:18,674

Ваше яйцо в порядке.

00:11:18,704 --> 00:11:21,144

Ладно, Энни и Тиммиy?

00:11:21,914 --> 00:11:24,914

Хорошо. Милли и Клайд,

я видел ваше перед уроком.

00:11:24,954 --> 00:11:25,954

Паудер и Кенни?

00:11:26,994 --> 00:11:30,204

Теперь, как насчет нашей пидорской пары?

Стэн и Кайл?

00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:31,624

В порядке!

00:11:32,514 --> 00:11:33,194

Что?

00:11:33,224 --> 00:11:34,934

Ваще никаких проблем!

00:11:34,974 --> 00:11:36,964

Это не возможно!

00:11:37,834 --> 00:11:41,144

Вы уверены, что не разбили и

не подменили яйцо?! Где моя подпись?!

00:11:41,174 --> 00:11:43,024

Она вот здесь, видите?

00:11:43,064 --> 00:11:46,164

Два мальчика не могут заботиться о яйце!

00:11:46,204 --> 00:11:47,554

Чувак, оно в полном порядке.

00:11:47,584 --> 00:11:51,174

Оно не в порядке! У него два отца!

Вы называете это порядком?!

00:11:51,214 --> 00:11:55,224

Оно может быть в порядке снаружи,

но внутри оно сбито с толку и озадачено!

00:11:55,254 --> 00:11:58,184

Посмотрите не уродское яйцо! У него два отца!

00:11:58,214 --> 00:12:00,804

Два отцаа! Два отцаа!

00:12:00,844 --> 00:12:06,004

Давайте, класс, давайте посмеемся над

этим уродским яйцом! Два отцаа! Два отцаа!

00:12:06,034 --> 00:12:10,074

Том, я стою снаружи губернаторского офиса,

где всего через два дня,

00:12:10,074 --> 00:12:14,174

губернатор подпишет или отложит

закон, позволяюший жениться геям.

00:12:14,204 --> 00:12:17,244

Однополые пары со всего штата

собрались в поддержку закона,

00:12:17,274 --> 00:12:21,704

так же как собралсь и придерживающиеся

другого мнения. Губернатор собирается сделать объявление.

00:12:22,514 --> 00:12:27,784

Мне верится, что я смогу предложить

компромисс для решения этой проблемы,

который устроит всех!

00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:35,134

Люд из общества гомосексуалистов хотят

тех же прав, что и женатые пары, но противники

не хотят слова "женатая" пара.

00:12:35,164 --> 00:12:39,674

Итак, как насчет разрешить гомосексуалистам жениться,

но называть это как-то по другому?

00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:45,534

Вы, гомосексуалисты будете иметь такие-же

права, как женатые пары,

00:12:45,564 --> 00:12:51,554

но вместо того, чтобы называться "женатыми",

вы можете быть... дружными жопами.

00:12:53,854 --> 00:12:58,424

Вместо того, тобы быть "мужем и женой",

вы будете... дружными жопами.

00:12:59,394 --> 00:13:04,724

Вы не будте "обручены",

вы будете ... дружными жопами. Ясно?

00:13:04,764 --> 00:13:09,774

Вместо "жениха и невесты",

вы будете ... дружными жопами.

00:13:09,814 --> 00:13:11,924

Мы хотим, чтобы нас рассматривали одинаково!

00:13:11,954 --> 00:13:12,974

Вы равны.

00:13:13,014 --> 00:13:18,504

Просто вместо того чтобы объявлять помолвку,

вы будете... дружными жопами.

00:13:18,544 --> 00:13:20,364

И все счастливы!

00:13:20,394 --> 00:13:22,314

А как насчет лесбиянок?!

00:13:22,354 --> 00:13:24,954

А как будто всем не насрать на лесбийских пёзд?

00:13:29,074 --> 00:13:31,544

Оо, Господи, я был уверен что это сработает.

00:13:32,974 --> 00:13:36,774

Черт, Черт! Яйцо Стэна и Кайла до сих пор в порядке!

00:13:36,814 --> 00:13:39,534

Эти маленькие говнюки срывают мне весь план!

00:13:40,514 --> 00:13:41,614

Да, что?!

00:13:46,984 --> 00:13:49,184

Что это за херня?!

00:13:49,214 --> 00:13:50,454

Я разбил яйцо.

00:13:50,494 --> 00:13:53,744

Ты разбил яйцо??

Оо, но ты же в паре с девочкой.

00:13:53,774 --> 00:13:56,724

Я пытался это скрыть, пытался собрать его

назад с помощью модельного клея,

00:13:56,754 --> 00:14:00,604

пытался скрепить его паяльным пистолетом,

но я сдался. Я не могу это скрыть, я разбил яйцо.

00:14:01,514 --> 00:14:03,334

Ты сказал кому-нибудь об этом?

00:14:03,374 --> 00:14:04,464

Нет.

00:14:04,504 --> 00:14:07,004

Ты сказал своей партнерше по яйцу, Хайди?

00:14:07,044 --> 00:14:11,154

Нет. Поэтому я и здесь.

Я думаю вы всё равно должны

поставить Хайди за проект А.

00:14:11,194 --> 00:14:13,524

Видете ли, я разбил яйцо.ю не она.

00:14:13,554 --> 00:14:16,424

Итого, я получаю F, она получает A,

00:14:16,454 --> 00:14:19,804

Что значит что вместе оценка

превращается в C с минусом каждому.

00:14:19,844 --> 00:14:21,514

Я не могу этого сделать, Эрик!

00:14:21,544 --> 00:14:24,524

Черт! Я знал, что вы скажете так!

У вас всегда припрятана эта фраза для меня!

00:14:24,554 --> 00:14:28,514

Эрик, ты должен получить А.

Вот: Я подпишу это яйцо для тебя.

00:14:28,544 --> 00:14:30,324

Притворимся, что этого не было, хорошо?

00:14:30,954 --> 00:14:35,184

Просто... оденем старые волосы,

подкрасим те же глаза... Вот, на, как новенькое.

00:14:35,224 --> 00:14:37,194

Иди, наслаждайся остатком перемены.

00:14:40,774 --> 00:14:44,204

Мистер Гаррисон..., вы никогда не были так добры ко мне.

00:14:44,234 --> 00:14:47,414

...Хорошо, пожалуйста, Эрик.

Теперь просто уходи.

00:14:50,174 --> 00:14:51,194

...Почему вы это делаете

00:14:51,234 --> 00:14:53,534

Потому, что я хороший учитель, ясно?

00:14:54,434 --> 00:14:55,904

Что вам нужно от меня?

00:14:55,944 --> 00:14:59,034

Ничего! Всё в порядке!

Просто забирай своё чертово яйцо!

00:15:00,844 --> 00:15:01,944

Нет.

00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:04,534

Эрик, у меня от тебя всегда только проблему!

00:15:04,574 --> 00:15:07,964

Теперь ты возьмешь это яйцо!

И если опять его разобьешь, я сломаю тебе обе ноги,

00:15:08,004 --> 00:15:09,974

и сожгу твой дом!

Слышишь меня?!

00:15:10,014 --> 00:15:10,894

Да, учитель.

00:15:10,934 --> 00:15:12,664

Убирайся, чтобы я тебя не видел!

00:15:14,644 --> 00:15:17,804

Ыыы, это научное исследование идет

не по тому пути, что я планировал!

00:15:17,844 --> 00:15:21,514

Похоже, что мне нужно... вмешаться.

00:15:28,304 --> 00:15:29,664

Вы Джакарта?

00:15:29,704 --> 00:15:31,184

Какого черта, кто ты?!

00:15:31,224 --> 00:15:34,904

Миссис Гаррисон.

Я говорила с вашими партнерами по телефону.

00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:39,644

Аа да, вы нуждаетесь в моих услугах.

00:15:39,684 --> 00:15:45,214

У меня есть небольшая... проблемка,

о которой нужно позаботиться.

Слышала, что вы лучший

00:15:45,254 --> 00:15:48,154

Кого ты хочешь, чтобы я убил?

00:15:55,234 --> 00:15:56,694

Что это?

00:15:56,724 --> 00:15:58,454

Это яйцо.

00:15:58,454 --> 00:16:00,964

Ты хочешь, чтобы я убил яйцо?

00:16:00,994 --> 00:16:04,104

Я могу заплатить 2 тысячи сейчас ,

и три после того, как работа будет закончена.

00:16:04,144 --> 00:16:06,664

Что ты хочешь, чтобы я с ним сделал?

00:16:06,694 --> 00:16:13,414

Мне всё равно. Побейте его, пожарьте, делайте что хотите!

Это должно выглядеть как несчастный случай.

00:16:13,454 --> 00:16:16,654

Я серьезный наемник! Убирайся от сюдова!

00:16:18,254 --> 00:16:20,994

Какая разница?

Вы ... боитесь, что не сможете это сделать?

00:16:21,024 --> 00:16:25,444

Не скажу, что обвиняю вас.

От этого яйца одни неприятности -

с самого начала!

00:16:26,444 --> 00:16:29,114

Думаю... вы не так хороши, как говорили...

00:16:29,894 --> 00:16:33,334

Я лучший убийца,

которого мир когда либо видел!!

00:16:33,374 --> 00:16:36,134

Тогда вы испугались одного маленького яйца?!

00:16:36,174 --> 00:16:40,034

Я убью это яйцо!

Я заставлю его проклянать тот день,

когда оно было отложено!

00:16:40,064 --> 00:16:41,454

Это больше похоже на вас!

00:16:46,704 --> 00:16:50,134

День пять. Я сделал это!

Аллё?

00:16:50,174 --> 00:16:51,454

Чувак, слышал что происходит?

00:16:51,484 --> 00:16:52,244

Что?

00:16:52,284 --> 00:16:54,004

Гаррисон везет всех нас сегодня на поле.

00:16:54,044 --> 00:16:56,624

Он хочет устроить финальную проверку яиц

перед офисом губернатора!

00:16:56,664 --> 00:16:57,764

Офисом губернатора?

00:16:57,794 --> 00:16:59,844

Она на самом деле воспринимает

эту оценку в серьез, Стэн.

00:16:59,874 --> 00:17:02,454

Я приду к тебе, чтобы мы могли отнести наше

яйцо в школу вместе, хорошо?

00:17:02,484 --> 00:17:05,924

Аа, тебе бы этого хотелось, да?!

Я присматривал за яйцом, Кайл, не ты!

00:17:05,924 --> 00:17:08,844

Так, Стэн, ты ты относился ко мне как к

говнюку всю неделю! Что случилось?!

00:17:08,884 --> 00:17:09,414

Что случилось?!

00:17:09,444 --> 00:17:13,064

Оо, ничего, кроме того, что ты пытался

поразить Вэнди на протяжении всей недели

как трогательный хуй!

00:17:13,094 --> 00:17:14,204

Поразить Вэнди??

00:17:14,244 --> 00:17:17,394

Ты выставил всё так, что ты великолепный принц,

а я просто неудачник!

00:17:17,424 --> 00:17:18,874

Что за херню ты несешь?!

00:17:18,914 --> 00:17:21,214

Что-ж, знаешь что?!

Я сам принесу это яйцо в класс!

00:17:21,244 --> 00:17:25,274

И я буду держать его перед Вэнди и скажу

"Видишь?! Я столь же хорош, как Кайл."

00:17:27,894 --> 00:17:29,944

Слишком легко.

00:17:34,114 --> 00:17:35,324

Стэн ?

00:17:46,338 --> 00:17:49,178

Стэн? Стэн, думаю нам нужно поговорить.

00:17:49,218 --> 00:17:51,568

Чувак, ты можешь просто идти к Вэнди

и быть с ней счастливыми.

00:17:52,428 --> 00:17:53,548

Стэн, мне не нравится Вэнди.

00:17:53,588 --> 00:17:55,768

Всё, что мне нужно было - это получить А

в этом тупорылом проекте!

00:17:55,808 --> 00:17:59,888

Даа, чтож, я запорол его. Теперь мы провалимся

и Вэнди подумает что я полный неудачник.

00:17:59,928 --> 00:18:01,838

Мне казалось, что Вэнди тебя больше не заботит.

00:18:01,878 --> 00:18:03,488

Да, мне похер. Она полный отстой.

00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:07,558

Стэн, между Вэнди и мной ничего нет

00:18:07,598 --> 00:18:10,098

Я бы никогда не пошел гулять

с бывшей подругой моего лучшего друга.

00:18:11,928 --> 00:18:16,098

Прости что не доверял тебе, Кайл.

Я очевидно самый говняный лучший друг,

которого только можно иметь.

00:18:16,128 --> 00:18:18,998

Даа, что-ж, прости меня тоже за то,

что я тебе не доверял.

00:18:19,038 --> 00:18:19,928

А?

00:18:20,278 --> 00:18:22,478

Мне очень важно получить А, Стэн.

00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:26,248

И Бэйби сказала, что ты был очень безответственным

со своим яйцом, поэтому я сделал

не настоящее яйцо для тебя

00:18:26,278 --> 00:18:28,348

и держал настоящее в безопасности у себя.

00:18:28,378 --> 00:18:31,798

Вот... Вот настоящее яйцо с подписью Гаррисона?

00:18:31,828 --> 00:18:33,238

Да, чувак. Прости.

00:18:33,268 --> 00:18:35,448

Тогда... тогда Вэнди не подумает,

что я полный неудачник!

00:18:35,478 --> 00:18:37,498

Даа. И я также смогу получить своё А!

00:18:37,538 --> 00:18:38,728

Давай, друг, поехали!

00:18:39,818 --> 00:18:43,258

Стэн... Ты в натуре думаешь,

что у меня тупая шапка?

00:18:45,038 --> 00:18:48,848

Под давлением фактов, ...

Я думаю, что это милейшая шапка,

которую я когда-либо видел

00:18:51,168 --> 00:18:52,298

Давай!

00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:59,408

Сегодня - большой день, когда я

должен принять очень большое решение.

00:18:59,438 --> 00:19:03,768

Как некоторые из вас знают, моё величайшее

исследование гомосексуальных браков

основывается на выращивании детей.

00:19:03,798 --> 00:19:10,438

Новое исследование было только что закончено

и оно даст мне возможность не брать личной ответственности

по принятию этого решения.

00:19:10,478 --> 00:19:11,838

Новое исследование?

00:19:11,868 --> 00:19:15,708

Здесь, с результатами этого исследования,

милейшая Миссис Гаррисон

00:19:16,378 --> 00:19:17,768

Спасибо, габернатор.

00:19:18,098 --> 00:19:20,518

Оо, Святой Иисусе.

00:19:20,528 --> 00:19:23,888

Леди и джнтельмены, при помощи очаровательных

учеников четвертого класса,

00:19:23,928 --> 00:19:30,578

мы завершили наше научное, беспристрастное

изучение невозможности гомосеков иметь детей.

Поднимайтесь, дети.

00:19:31,928 --> 00:19:36,248

Родители были сгруппированы по парам - мальчик и девочка.

Как вы видите...

00:19:36,288 --> 00:19:39,558

Оу, Миссис. Гаррисон. У нас срочный телефонный звонок.

00:19:40,548 --> 00:19:42,418

Да, что такое?! Я немного занята!

00:19:42,448 --> 00:19:46,028

Мистер Гаррисон, это Кайл! Я нашим яйцом всё в порядке!

Мы будем там через пару минут!

00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:49,608

Что?? Ваше-в... вы опоздали!

00:19:49,648 --> 00:19:51,708

Не проваливайте нас! Мы будем там!

00:19:52,198 --> 00:19:56,348

Нет, вы не можете - Аллё? Аллё!!

Ты сказал мне, что убил это уродское яйцо!!

00:19:56,388 --> 00:19:57,848

Я был уверен, что убил!

00:19:57,888 --> 00:20:01,778

Ну так вот, оно здесь! Тебе бы лучше убедиться, что

оно не доберется до сцены не разбитым!

00:20:02,348 --> 00:20:09,038

Хаха, итак, как я говорил, мы дали одно яйцо

в руки двум мальчикам.

00:20:11,118 --> 00:20:12,158

Спасибо, чувак!

00:20:12,198 --> 00:20:13,348

Туда! Вон туда!

00:20:13,928 --> 00:20:15,758

Простите нас! Простите нас, пожалуйста!

00:20:19,528 --> 00:20:20,518

Святой Иисусе!

00:20:21,038 --> 00:20:21,638

Бегии!

00:20:23,068 --> 00:20:26,018

Яйцо, которое было отдано двум мальчикам -

00:20:26,048 --> 00:20:27,148

Стойте! Погодите!

00:20:32,138 --> 00:20:35,088

В итоге, губернатор, вы можете в конце концов

убедиться, что - !

00:20:45,318 --> 00:20:48,768

Учитель, с нашим яйцом всё в ... порядке.

00:20:51,658 --> 00:20:55,608

С этим яйцом всё в порядке.

Геи могут жениться!

00:20:59,878 --> 00:21:02,148

Неет! Неееееет!!

00:21:02,188 --> 00:21:04,438

Геи могут жениться? Что??

00:21:08,748 --> 00:21:12,078

И я вас объявляю мужчиной... и мужчиной.

00:21:20,988 --> 00:21:25,288

Мальчики, я по настоящему горжусь вами

Вы сделали потрясающую вещь для прав

геев на женитьбу.

00:21:25,828 --> 00:21:26,938

Что мы сделали ?

00:21:26,968 --> 00:21:30,488

Стэн, прости, что сомневалась в тебе.

Ты по настоящему был отличным отцом.

00:21:31,918 --> 00:21:33,778

Как будто мне не похер, что ты обо мне думаешь, Вэнди.

00:21:36,498 --> 00:21:39,248

Перевод : Женя

from : pc-statistics.ru

приходите еще

00:00:12,555 --> 00:00:14,098

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:15,683

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,808 --> 00:00:18,894

♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:20,604

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:20,730 --> 00:00:22,481

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

00:00:22,606 --> 00:00:25,484

♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,609 --> 00:00:28,988

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

00:00:29,113 --> 00:00:33,325

♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:36,078

[ Bell rings ]

00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:37,246

Okay, children.

00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:40,249

This week we are

all going to learn about...

00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:42,418

parenting.

00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:46,213

I'm gonna pair all the boys

and girls in class into couples

00:00:46,338 --> 00:00:49,050

and give each couple...an egg.

00:00:49,175 --> 00:00:51,761

You must care for

and look after this egg

00:00:51,886 --> 00:00:54,513

just like a baby

for one full week.

00:00:54,638 --> 00:00:58,851

If you break your egg,

it means you have a dead baby.

00:00:58,976 --> 00:01:01,854

And if you kill your baby,

you get an "F."

00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:03,481

When I announce your names,

00:01:03,606 --> 00:01:05,900

please move and sit with

the person you're paired with.

00:01:06,025 --> 00:01:08,486

Heidi, you'll be with Eric.

00:01:08,611 --> 00:01:09,403

Aw!

00:01:09,528 --> 00:01:11,864

Annie, you'll be a family

with Timmy.

00:01:11,989 --> 00:01:12,865

Timmy!

00:01:12,990 --> 00:01:15,117

Millie, your husband is Craig.

Powder...

00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:17,453

Oh, no, dude.

He's gonna put me with Wendy.

00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:18,287

Mrph?

00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:20,664

So I haven't even spoken

to Wendy since we broke up.

00:01:20,790 --> 00:01:25,211

And, Wendy...

Wendy will be with Kyle.

00:01:25,795 --> 00:01:26,629

Kyle?

00:01:26,754 --> 00:01:28,547

Bebe, you're paired up

with Stan.

00:01:28,672 --> 00:01:31,175

Lola and Token.

Red and Craig.

00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:33,302

And Esther and Bradley.

00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:36,430

Now, I'm going to sign

each of your eggs myself

00:01:36,555 --> 00:01:38,224

so that we'll know

it's the same one

00:01:38,349 --> 00:01:39,600

at the end of the week.

00:01:39,725 --> 00:01:42,686

That way if anybody cheats

and tries to replace their eggs,

00:01:42,812 --> 00:01:44,772

we'll know...Eric.

00:01:44,897 --> 00:01:46,899

All you have to do

is make it to Friday

00:01:47,024 --> 00:01:48,109

with your egg unharmed

00:01:48,234 --> 00:01:51,070

to prove what great

little parents you are.

00:01:51,195 --> 00:01:51,987

Okay, children.

00:01:52,113 --> 00:01:53,614

You can take

the rest of the school period

00:01:53,739 --> 00:01:55,366

to decorate your egg

however you wish.

00:01:55,491 --> 00:01:56,951

Good luck, and remember --

00:01:57,076 --> 00:02:00,913

A dead baby means an "F"

for the parents.

00:02:01,038 --> 00:02:04,416

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:02:07,044 --> 00:02:09,505

MR. GARRISON: ♪ Just look at

all these little families ♪

00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:13,759

♪ Newfound couples

in a happy home ♪

00:02:13,884 --> 00:02:16,762

♪ It takes me back

to another time ♪

00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:20,307

♪ When I had a love of my own ♪

00:02:20,432 --> 00:02:23,394

♪ Love -- Love lost long ago ♪

00:02:23,519 --> 00:02:25,187

♪ It was special then ♪

00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:27,314

♪ It's over now ♪

00:02:27,439 --> 00:02:30,442

♪ Love -- So darned frail,

you know ♪

00:02:30,568 --> 00:02:31,986

♪ It shriveled and dried ♪

00:02:32,111 --> 00:02:33,946

♪ I don't know how ♪

00:02:44,206 --> 00:02:47,042

♪ Love -- Love lost long ago ♪

00:02:47,168 --> 00:02:48,711

♪ It was special then ♪

00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:50,462

♪ It's over now ♪

00:02:50,588 --> 00:02:55,301

♪ Guess that I'll never know

how it all went wrong ♪

00:02:55,426 --> 00:02:57,469

♪ How? How? How? ♪

00:02:58,262 --> 00:03:02,099

♪ But perhaps I should try

to boldly go ♪

00:03:02,224 --> 00:03:06,896

♪ And rekindle that love

lost long ago ♪

00:03:07,021 --> 00:03:09,106

[ Insects chirping ]

00:03:09,231 --> 00:03:10,482

[ Doorbell rings ]

00:03:12,735 --> 00:03:15,654

Hello, Mr. Slave.

00:03:15,779 --> 00:03:18,824

Mr. Garrison!

Oh, Jesus!

00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:21,869

Just let me say

what I came here to say.

00:03:21,994 --> 00:03:23,662

I know we had a falling-out,

00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:27,708

and things were said

that shouldn't have been said.

00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:31,503

I want to apologize

for calling you a faggot.

00:03:32,504 --> 00:03:35,257

That's -- That's wonderful,

Mr. Garrison.

00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:37,801

Well, wait, wait.

It gets better.

00:03:37,927 --> 00:03:40,304

I've forgiven you

for walking out on me

00:03:40,429 --> 00:03:42,973

after I had my sex change,

and --

00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:45,893

and I'm ready to take you back,

Mr. Slave!

00:03:46,018 --> 00:03:47,895

Ooh.

00:03:48,020 --> 00:03:49,897

Well, give us a kiss!

00:03:50,022 --> 00:03:53,192

Slave, honey, is that the pizza?

00:03:53,317 --> 00:03:56,612

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:04:00,032 --> 00:04:01,909

What the hell is he doing here?!

00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:03,369

Mr. Garrison,

00:04:03,494 --> 00:04:06,288

Al and I have been living

together for a few months.

00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:08,916

Well, that didn't take you long,

did it?!

00:04:09,041 --> 00:04:11,085

Slave, should I leave

you two alone?

00:04:11,210 --> 00:04:11,919

Yes!

00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:13,087

No!

00:04:13,212 --> 00:04:16,423

Mr. Garrison, there's something

you should know.

00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:18,884

Al and I are getting married.

00:04:20,094 --> 00:04:21,095

Married?!

00:04:21,220 --> 00:04:22,388

Yes.

00:04:22,513 --> 00:04:25,683

You can't get married!

You're faggots!

00:04:25,808 --> 00:04:27,851

Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:04:27,977 --> 00:04:30,354

Mr. Slave, I am legally

a woman now.

00:04:30,479 --> 00:04:32,731

If you want to get married,

you have to marry me!

00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:33,857

Oh, that's not true.

00:04:33,983 --> 00:04:37,569

Colorado is about to pass a bill

which allows same-sex marriage.

00:04:37,695 --> 00:04:38,654

We're getting married

00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:40,864

right after the bill passes

on Saturday.

00:04:40,990 --> 00:04:42,574

Oh, that's just great.

00:04:42,700 --> 00:04:45,286

They're gonna let queers

and homos get married, huh?

00:04:45,411 --> 00:04:47,037

Okay. That's enough.

00:04:47,162 --> 00:04:48,622

Out, Mr. Garrison.

00:04:48,747 --> 00:04:51,417

We'll just see about this,

you fudge-packing fags!

00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:53,627

I'll stop that gay-marriage law.

00:04:53,752 --> 00:04:56,964

Oh, my God! You're just saying

that because you're jealous!

00:04:57,089 --> 00:04:58,465

Jealous of what?

00:04:58,590 --> 00:05:00,092

I'm doing this

out of principle --

00:05:00,217 --> 00:05:02,386

to protect the sanctity

of marriage!

00:05:02,511 --> 00:05:05,514

Fags are gettin' married

over my dead body!

00:05:12,688 --> 00:05:15,149

[ Telephone beeping ]

00:05:15,274 --> 00:05:18,152

[ Telephone rings ]

00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:21,322

Hello?

Oh, hey, dude.

00:05:21,447 --> 00:05:23,991

So...what are

you and Wendy doing?

00:05:24,116 --> 00:05:26,535

We're just making a cradle out

of an egg carton for our egg.

00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:28,370

We figured that way

it'll be easier to keep safe

00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:30,205

- so we can get an "A."

- Uh-huh.

00:05:30,331 --> 00:05:32,041

I don't think it's gonna be that

hard to keep it from breaking.

00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:33,250

This whole assignment is stupid.

00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:34,918

Yeah.

Well, so is your hat.

00:05:35,044 --> 00:05:37,004

[ Telephone beeps ]

00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,174

[ Doorbell rings ]

00:05:42,926 --> 00:05:45,387

Stan, I need you

to watch the egg for a while.

00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:46,388

I can't.

I'm busy.

00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:47,806

I've been looking after it

all day.

00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:49,767

I have to go to the hair salon

and the candy store.

00:05:49,892 --> 00:05:51,393

So take it with you.

00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:52,394

Stan, this is our egg!

00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:53,896

We're both supposed to take care

of it.

00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:57,066

Maybe I didn't want to have an

egg with you, okay, Bebe?

00:05:57,191 --> 00:05:59,860

Well, whether you wanted to or

not doesn't really matter now.

00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:01,487

We're going to get graded

together.

00:06:01,612 --> 00:06:02,613

It's your egg, too.

00:06:02,738 --> 00:06:05,741

Own up to your

responsibilities!

00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:06,950

[ Door closes ]

00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:14,666

♪ This is it ♪

00:06:14,792 --> 00:06:16,210

♪ This is it ♪

00:06:16,335 --> 00:06:17,378

♪ This is life ♪

00:06:17,503 --> 00:06:19,254

These homosexuals think

00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:22,007

they can just step all over

our traditions.

00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:25,135

Well, I say marriage

is a holy sacrament

00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:27,388

between a man and a woman!

00:06:27,513 --> 00:06:29,306

[ Cheers and applause ]

00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:30,766

Who is that lady?

00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,851

I don't know,

but she is pissed!

00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:35,354

They passed this law

behind our backs!

00:06:35,479 --> 00:06:37,898

We need to tell the governor

and the world

00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:39,817

that gay marriage is not okay,

00:06:39,942 --> 00:06:42,694

that homosexuals cannot muddy

our traditions.

00:06:42,820 --> 00:06:45,823

And there is only one way

for us, all together,

00:06:45,948 --> 00:06:47,950

to make that message

very clear --

00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:50,452

We need to round up

three or four queers

00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:53,414

and beat the living hell

out of 'em!

00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:55,999

Come on, everybody!

00:06:56,125 --> 00:06:58,127

Let's get some queers

and some trucks

00:06:58,252 --> 00:07:01,213

and have us a good old-fashioned

fag drag!

00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:05,634

Well, uh, we were thinking

we would, you know,

00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,803

just go appeal to the governor.

00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,471

Appeal to the governor?

00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,348

Oh, come on!

Where's your balls?!

00:07:11,473 --> 00:07:12,558

Fag drag!

00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:14,435

We don't hate homosexuals.

00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:17,563

We -- We just don't want them

to able to marry.

00:07:17,688 --> 00:07:18,981

We were just thinking

00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:22,526

of going and asking the governor

to veto the bill.

00:07:22,651 --> 00:07:23,652

Yeah.

00:07:24,862 --> 00:07:27,489

F-Fag drag?

00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:29,491

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:32,911

Governor, we have collected

over 1,000 signatures

00:07:33,036 --> 00:07:36,373

requesting that you veto

this gay-marriage bill.

00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:38,750

Oh, geez.

I knew this would happen.

00:07:38,876 --> 00:07:41,378

First, the gay people come

in here wanting equal rights.

00:07:41,503 --> 00:07:42,754

Then this bill gets passed,

00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:46,091

and now all the people

against it want me to veto it.

00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:48,260

Why do I have to make

this decision?!

00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:51,430

Because you're the governor?

00:07:51,555 --> 00:07:54,057

I just wanted a big house

and lots of respect!

00:07:54,183 --> 00:07:56,935

I didn't want this kind

of responsibility!

00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:59,897

I mean, I don't know anything

about gay marriage.

00:08:00,022 --> 00:08:03,025

What argument can I use to deny

them their right to a family?

00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:04,651

Well, think of the children.

00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:06,278

If you allow gays

to get married,

00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:09,239

then you're also giving them

full rights as parents to adopt.

00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:11,783

You think kids

can be raised by queers?

00:08:11,909 --> 00:08:13,243

I can't use that argument.

00:08:13,368 --> 00:08:16,455

There's never been a study done

which proves that either way.

00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:17,831

[ Bell chimes ]

00:08:17,956 --> 00:08:20,667

But...if you had such a study --

00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:24,087

a scientific study

which proved same-sex couples

00:08:24,213 --> 00:08:26,381

are incapable

of raising a child...

00:08:26,507 --> 00:08:28,425

Then I would have something

to fall back on,

00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:30,677

s-something to take

all the pressure off of me.

00:08:31,512 --> 00:08:35,724

Mr. Governor...

I will get you that study.

00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:36,725

[ Bell rings ]

00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,185

[ Indistinct conversations ]

00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:39,937

Hey, Wendy.

How's your egg doing?

00:08:40,062 --> 00:08:42,189

Oh, great.

It's a pretty easy project.

00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:43,815

Kyle's really good

with the egg.

00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:47,069

Yeah. I wish I had

a partner like Kyle.

00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:49,154

I went to go pick up the egg

from Stan yesterday,

00:08:49,279 --> 00:08:50,739

and his dog had it

in its mouth.

00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:53,033

Our egg isn't gonna last

a week with Stan around.

00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:56,411

Okay, students!

Change of plan!

00:08:56,537 --> 00:08:58,205

You've all been doing

a great job

00:08:58,330 --> 00:08:59,289

taking care of your eggs,

00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:01,583

but now we're gonna

mix it up a little.

00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:04,586

Wendy and Kyle

will no longer be together.

00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:05,879

Ha!

00:09:06,004 --> 00:09:07,005

Let's see what happens

00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:09,716

when we put

two same-sex couples together

00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:11,260

to take care of an egg,

shall we?

00:09:11,385 --> 00:09:14,930

Kyle, you are now with Stan,

and Wendy is with Bebe.

00:09:15,514 --> 00:09:16,682

Why?

00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:18,225

Come on, Bebe.

00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:20,519

We'll take your egg for you

and Wendy to look after.

00:09:20,644 --> 00:09:21,603

Oh, goody!

00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:24,356

We'll just take this egg for

Stan and Kyle to look out for.

00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:25,899

No! No.

That's my egg.

00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:27,943

Wendy, we're doing

an experiment.

00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,820

Here you go, boys.

00:09:29,945 --> 00:09:32,114

But I made that egg.

Mr. Garrison, please.

00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:34,283

Y-You can't give my egg to Stan.

He'll break it.

00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:37,160

Oh, now, what makes you

say that, Wendy?

00:09:37,286 --> 00:09:40,831

I'm sure two boys

can handle an egg just fine.

00:09:40,956 --> 00:09:43,458

And if not...

we'll certainly prove a point

00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:46,295

to that goddamn governor,

won't we?

00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:47,170

Who?

00:09:47,296 --> 00:09:50,215

Never mind.

Just carry on, children.

00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:54,511

Just carry on as two reckless

little boys will.

00:09:58,140 --> 00:09:59,558

Okay. There.

00:09:59,683 --> 00:10:01,226

Now we can carry

our egg around in this case

00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:02,394

without it getting cracked.

00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:04,438

Give it to me.

I'll take it home tonight.

00:10:04,563 --> 00:10:06,898

Look, Stan, you want me to

just take care of this egg?

00:10:07,024 --> 00:10:08,066

Why do you say that?

00:10:08,191 --> 00:10:10,652

It's just that

I really need this "A," Stan.

00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:13,530

And Bebe did say

you almost broke your last egg.

00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:15,198

That's because

I was pissed off!

00:10:15,324 --> 00:10:16,992

- At who?

- [ Doorbell rings ]

00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:18,619

Hang on.

00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:21,997

I want to see my egg.

00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:22,914

Huh?

00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:25,334

I want to see my egg.

00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:27,753

Wendy, it isn't your egg

anymore.

00:10:27,878 --> 00:10:30,297

Yes, it is. I made it.

I decorated it.

00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:31,465

Well, you might have made it,

00:10:31,590 --> 00:10:33,342

but we're the ones

who are taking care of it now.

00:10:33,467 --> 00:10:35,010

You have your own egg

to look out for.

00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:37,638

I just want to hold my egg

for a couple minutes.

00:10:37,763 --> 00:10:39,222

Wendy, I just want to get

an "A," okay?

00:10:39,348 --> 00:10:41,683

Let's not make this any more

confusing than it already is.

00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,018

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:47,064

WENDY: Don't let anything

happen to it -- please.

00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:48,440

Wendy, nothing's gonna happen

to the egg.

00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:51,360

You can have it when the week

is over and I get my grade.

00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:54,696

Freakin' weirdos, man.

00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:56,531

You think you're so great,

don't you?

00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:58,950

Well, guess what.

Maybe I don't need your help.

00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:00,369

I'm taking the egg home tonight,

00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:01,745

and I'm gonna show

everybody tomorrow

00:11:01,870 --> 00:11:04,623

that I'm every bit as good

a egg take-care-of-er as you!

00:11:07,376 --> 00:11:09,670

What the hell is wrong

with everybody?

00:11:09,795 --> 00:11:11,171

[ Bell rings ]

00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:13,674

Okay, children.

It's Wednesday.

00:11:13,799 --> 00:11:15,759

Time for an official egg check.

00:11:15,884 --> 00:11:17,010

Heidi and Eric?

00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:18,178

Our egg is fine.

00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:19,763

Okay.

Annie and Timmy?

00:11:19,888 --> 00:11:21,056

Timmy!

00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:22,140

Good.

00:11:22,265 --> 00:11:24,309

Millie and Clyde,

I saw yours before class.

00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:26,520

- Powder and Kenny?

- Mrph rmhmhm rm!

00:11:26,645 --> 00:11:30,107

Now how about our gay couple,

Stan and Kyle?

00:11:30,232 --> 00:11:31,525

Fine.

00:11:32,109 --> 00:11:32,901

What?

00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,528

No problems at all.

00:11:35,112 --> 00:11:36,321

That's impossible!

00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:39,616

Are you sure you didn't break it

and switch eggs on me?

00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:40,826

Where's my signature?

00:11:40,951 --> 00:11:42,619

It's -- It's right there.

See?

00:11:43,245 --> 00:11:45,789

Two boys can't possibly

take care of an egg!

00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:47,165

Dude, it's totally fine.

00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:48,417

It isn't fine!

00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:50,961

It has two daddies!

You call that fine?!

00:11:51,086 --> 00:11:52,629

It may be fine on the outside,

00:11:52,754 --> 00:11:54,798

but inside it's confused

and embarrassed!

00:11:54,923 --> 00:11:57,718

Look at the freak egg!

It has two daddies!

00:11:57,843 --> 00:12:00,303

♪ Two daddies!

Two daddies! ♪

00:12:00,429 --> 00:12:02,639

Come on, class!

Let's rip on the freak egg!

00:12:02,764 --> 00:12:05,434

♪ Two daddies!

Two daddies! ♪

00:12:06,017 --> 00:12:08,270

Tom, I'm standing outside

the governor's office,

00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:11,606

where, in just two days, the

governor can either sign or veto

00:12:11,732 --> 00:12:13,692

the new bill

allowing gay marriage.

00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:15,527

Same-sex couples

from all over the state

00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:16,737

have shown up in support,

00:12:16,862 --> 00:12:19,072

while dissenters

have also converged.

00:12:19,197 --> 00:12:21,533

The governor

is about to give a statement.

00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:24,619

I believe that I might have

come up with a compromise

00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:27,247

to this whole problem

that will make everyone happy.

00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:29,249

People in the gay community

00:12:29,374 --> 00:12:31,293

want the same rights

as married couples,

00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:34,713

but dissenters don't want

the word "marriage" corrupted.

00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:37,007

So how about we let

gay people get married

00:12:37,132 --> 00:12:39,134

but call it something else?

00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:43,889

You homosexuals will have

all the exact same rights

00:12:44,014 --> 00:12:45,140

as married couples.

00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:48,477

But instead of referring

to you as married,

00:12:48,602 --> 00:12:51,772

you can be butt buddies.

00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:58,028

Instead of being "man and wife,"

you'll be "butt buddies."

00:12:58,653 --> 00:13:00,781

You won't be "betrothed."

00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:03,283

You'll be "butt buddies."

00:13:03,408 --> 00:13:04,409

Get it?

00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:09,289

Instead of a bride and groom,

you'd be butt buddies.

00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:11,416

We want to be treated equally!

00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:12,542

You are equal.

00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:15,253

It's just that

instead of getting engaged,

00:13:15,378 --> 00:13:17,964

you would be butt buddies.

00:13:18,089 --> 00:13:20,133

And everyone is happy.

00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:21,885

Well, what about lesbians?

00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:24,471

Well, like anyone cares

about fucking dykes.

00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:27,474

[ Indistinct shouting ]

00:13:28,517 --> 00:13:31,686

Oh, God.

I was sure that would work.

00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:33,730

Damn it, damn it!

00:13:33,855 --> 00:13:36,274

Stan and Kyle's egg

is still doing fine.

00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:38,735

Those little assholes

are screwing up my whole plan.

00:13:38,860 --> 00:13:39,986

[ Knock on door ]

00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:41,112

Yes?

What?!

00:13:41,238 --> 00:13:43,198

[ Door opens, closes ]

00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:48,745

What the hell is this?

00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:50,121

I broke the egg.

00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:51,498

You broke your egg?!

00:13:51,623 --> 00:13:53,250

But you're partnered

with a girl!

00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:54,584

I tried to cover it up --

00:13:54,709 --> 00:13:56,419

tried to put it back together

with modeling glue,

00:13:56,545 --> 00:13:58,421

tried to seal it with a

soldering gun -- but I give up.

00:13:58,547 --> 00:14:01,049

I can't hide it.

I broke the egg.

00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:03,343

Did you tell anyone else

about this?

00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:04,719

No.

00:14:04,845 --> 00:14:06,721

Did you tell your egg partner,

Heidi?

00:14:06,847 --> 00:14:08,223

No.

That's why I'm here.

00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,725

I think you should still give

Heidi an "A" on the project.

00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:13,061

You see, I broke the egg,

not her.

00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:16,022

And so I should get an "F"

and she should get an "A,"

00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:17,858

which means together

the grade should average out

00:14:17,983 --> 00:14:19,568

to a C-minus for both of us.

00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:21,403

I can't do that, Eric.

00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:22,904

Damn it!

I knew you'd say that!

00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:24,406

You always have it out for me!

00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:25,866

You have to get an "A," Eric.

00:14:25,991 --> 00:14:27,909

Here.

I'll sign this new egg for you.

00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:30,537

And we'll pretend this

never happened, all right?

00:14:30,662 --> 00:14:33,123

Just put on the old hair,

color in the same eyes.

00:14:33,248 --> 00:14:34,666

There we go.

Good as new.

00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:37,377

Now go enjoy

the rest of your recess.

00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:41,715

Mr. Garrison...

00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,342

you've never been

this cool to me before.

00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:45,635

Okay.

Well, you're welcome, Eric.

00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,470

Now just run along.

00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:50,932

Why are you doing this?

00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:54,269

Because I'm a nice teacher,

all right?

00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:55,437

What do you want from me?

00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:56,938

Nothing!

It's all okay!

00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:59,065

Just take your damn egg!

00:15:00,692 --> 00:15:01,735

No.

00:15:01,860 --> 00:15:04,112

Eric, you've never been anything

but a problem for me.

00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:06,323

You're taking that egg,

and if you break it again,

00:15:06,448 --> 00:15:08,617

I'll break both your legs

and burn down your house!

00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:10,452

- Do you hear me?!

- Yes, teacher.

00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:13,038

Now get out of my face!

00:15:13,163 --> 00:15:14,039

[ Door opens, closes ]

00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:17,626

Ugh, this scientific study isn't

turning out the way I planned!

00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:21,254

Looks like I'm gonna

have to...intervene.

00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:26,343

[ Indistinct conversations ]

00:15:27,886 --> 00:15:29,179

Are you Jakartha?

00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:30,847

Who the hell are you?

00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:31,973

Mrs. Garrison.

00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:34,809

I spoke to your associates

on the telephone.

00:15:34,935 --> 00:15:35,977

Ah, yes.

00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:39,230

You are interested

in my services.

00:15:39,356 --> 00:15:43,151

I have a little problem

I need taken care of.

00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:44,736

I heard you're the best.

00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:48,323

Who do you want me to kill?

00:15:54,871 --> 00:15:56,206

What is this?

00:15:56,331 --> 00:15:58,124

It's an egg.

00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:00,377

You want me to kill an egg?

00:16:00,502 --> 00:16:01,878

I can pay $2,000 now,

00:16:02,003 --> 00:16:03,672

$3,000 more

when the job is finished.

00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:06,216

What do you expect me

to do with it?

00:16:06,341 --> 00:16:08,885

I don't care -- scramble it,

fry it -- do what you will.

00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:13,223

It has to look like an accident.

00:16:13,348 --> 00:16:14,891

I am a serious assassin.

00:16:15,016 --> 00:16:17,394

Get out of my face!

00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:20,814

What's the matter?

You afraid you can't do it?

00:16:20,939 --> 00:16:22,232

Can't say that I blame you.

00:16:22,357 --> 00:16:25,151

That egg has caused me nothing

but problems since day one.

00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:29,614

I guess you're not as good

as they say you are.

00:16:29,739 --> 00:16:33,034

I am the greatest killer

the world has ever seen.

00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:35,578

Then why are you scared

of one little egg?

00:16:35,704 --> 00:16:36,997

I will murder that egg,

00:16:37,122 --> 00:16:39,666

and I will make it curse

the day it was laid!

00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:41,793

That's more like it.

00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:48,049

Day five.

I made it.

00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:49,217

[ Telephone rings ]

00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:49,884

Hello?

00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:51,886

- Did you hear what's happening?

- What?

00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:53,471

Garrison is taking us

on a field trip today.

00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:54,806

He wants to do

the final egg check

00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:56,266

in front

of the governor's office.

00:16:56,391 --> 00:16:57,475

The governor's office?

00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,269

He's really taking

this grade seriously, Stan.

00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:02,230

I'm gonna come over so we can

take our egg to school together.

00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:03,940

Oh, you'd like that,

wouldn't you?

00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:05,775

I took care of this egg, Kyle,

not you.

00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:07,819

Okay, Stan. You've been

an asshole to me all week.

00:17:07,944 --> 00:17:08,987

- What is up?

- What's up?

00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:11,406

Oh, nothing, except you've been

trying to impress Wendy all week

00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:12,824

like a pathetic dickhole!

00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:13,867

Impress Wendy?

00:17:13,992 --> 00:17:15,952

You've set it up to look like

you're this awesome prince

00:17:16,077 --> 00:17:16,995

and I'm just a loser.

00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:18,455

What the hell

are you talking about?

00:17:18,580 --> 00:17:20,957

Well, guess what. I'm gonna take

this egg to class myself.

00:17:21,082 --> 00:17:23,084

And I'm gonna hold it up

in front of Wendy and say, "see?

00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:25,712

I'm every bit as good

as Kyle is."

00:17:25,837 --> 00:17:27,172

[ Gunshot, glass breaks ]

00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:30,717

Almost too easy.

00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:33,595

[ Screaming ]

00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:34,971

Stan?

00:17:35,096 --> 00:17:38,475

[ Screaming ]

00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:47,108

Stan?

00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:48,526

Stan, I think we should talk.

00:17:48,651 --> 00:17:51,654

Dude, you should just go

be with Wendy and be happy.

00:17:51,780 --> 00:17:53,114

Stan, I don't like Wendy.

00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:55,325

All I cared about was getting

an "A" on this stupid project.

00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:56,868

Yeah.

Well, I blew it.

00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:59,496

Now we're gonna fail and Wendy

thinks I'm a total loser.

00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:01,414

I thought you didn't care

about Wendy anymore.

00:18:01,539 --> 00:18:03,583

I don't.

She's totally lame.

00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:07,420

Stan, there was never anything

between Wendy and I.

00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:09,756

I wouldn't go out with

my best friend's ex-girlfriend.

00:18:09,881 --> 00:18:11,716

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:13,510

I'm sorry I didn't trust you,

Kyle.

00:18:13,635 --> 00:18:16,012

I'm obviously just a crappy

best friend to have.

00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:18,890

Yeah. Well, I'm sorry

I didn't trust you either.

00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:19,599

Huh?

00:18:19,724 --> 00:18:21,684

It was really important

for me to get an "A,"

00:18:21,810 --> 00:18:23,937

and Bebe said you were

so reckless with your egg.

00:18:24,062 --> 00:18:26,189

So I made a fake one for you...

00:18:26,314 --> 00:18:28,608

and kept the original safe

with me.

00:18:28,733 --> 00:18:31,277

That's -- That's the real egg

with Garrison's signature?

00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:32,779

Yeah, dude.

I'm sorry.

00:18:32,904 --> 00:18:35,031

Then -- Then Wendy won't think

I'm a total loser.

00:18:35,156 --> 00:18:37,367

Yeah!

And I can still get my "A."

00:18:37,492 --> 00:18:39,160

Come on, buddy.

Let's go.

00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:40,286

Stan?

00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:42,747

Do you really think my hat

is stupid?

00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:44,374

[ Music continues ]

00:18:44,499 --> 00:18:46,126

As a matter of fact...

00:18:46,251 --> 00:18:49,045

I think it is the nicest hat

I've ever known.

00:18:51,214 --> 00:18:52,715

Come on!

00:18:52,841 --> 00:18:54,384

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:18:54,509 --> 00:18:56,136

Today is a very big day

00:18:56,261 --> 00:18:58,888

in which I'm supposed to make

a very big decision.

00:18:59,013 --> 00:19:01,891

As some of you know, my biggest

issue with gay marriage

00:19:02,016 --> 00:19:03,351

regards child-rearing.

00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:05,562

And a new study

has just been concluded

00:19:05,687 --> 00:19:07,230

which will give me the ability

00:19:07,355 --> 00:19:10,066

to take no personal

responsibility in this decision.

00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:11,609

A new study?

00:19:11,734 --> 00:19:13,361

Here with the results

of that study

00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:16,072

is the lovely Mrs. Garrison.

00:19:16,197 --> 00:19:17,407

Thank you, Governor.

00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:19,993

Oh.

Jesus Christ.

00:19:20,118 --> 00:19:21,035

Ladies and gentlemen,

00:19:21,161 --> 00:19:23,454

with the help of some

adorable fourth-grade students,

00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:27,000

we've completed our scientific,

nonbiased study

00:19:27,125 --> 00:19:28,543

of fags having kids.

00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,837

Come on up, children.

00:19:31,754 --> 00:19:34,674

The parents were grouped

together as male and female.

00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:35,717

As you can see --

00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:39,596

Uh, Mrs. Garrison, you have

an emergency phone call.

00:19:39,721 --> 00:19:41,973

Yes. What is it?

I'm a little busy!

00:19:42,098 --> 00:19:43,516

- [ Horns honking ]

- Mr. Garrison, it's Kyle.

00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:45,810

Our egg is okay! We'll be there

in a couple of minutes!

00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:48,938

What?

Y-You're...You're too late!

00:19:49,063 --> 00:19:51,441

Don't fail us.

We'll be right there!

00:19:51,566 --> 00:19:53,860

No, you can't --

Hello? Hello?!

00:19:53,985 --> 00:19:55,945

You told me you killed

that freak egg!

00:19:56,070 --> 00:19:57,363

I was sure I did.

00:19:57,488 --> 00:19:58,406

Well, it's here!

00:19:58,531 --> 00:19:59,532

You'd better make damn sure

00:19:59,657 --> 00:20:02,202

it doesn't reach these steps

uncracked.

00:20:02,327 --> 00:20:03,203

[ Chuckles ]

00:20:03,328 --> 00:20:04,829

Anyhow, as I was saying,

00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:08,583

we put one egg into the hands

of two male students.

00:20:10,418 --> 00:20:11,544

Thanks, dude!

00:20:11,669 --> 00:20:13,463

There!

Over there!

00:20:13,588 --> 00:20:16,507

Excuse us!

Excuse us, please!

00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:18,343

Yaaaagh!

00:20:18,468 --> 00:20:20,178

- [ Machine-gun fire ]

- Jesus Christ!

00:20:20,303 --> 00:20:22,222

- Just keep running!

- MAN: Hey!

00:20:22,805 --> 00:20:25,433

The -- The egg that the two boys

were given does --

00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:26,893

Hang on!

Wait!

00:20:27,018 --> 00:20:28,603

- Oh!

- [ Beep ]

00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:31,731

[ Explosions, crowd shouting ]

00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:34,609

In conclusion, Governor,

you can rest assured that --

00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:36,069

Oh!

00:20:36,194 --> 00:20:38,488

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:48,957

Teacher...our egg is...okay.

00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:53,419

This egg is fine.

00:20:53,544 --> 00:20:55,338

Gays can get married!

00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:57,590

[ Cheering ]

00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:01,803

No! No!

00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:04,347

Gays can get married?

What?

00:21:04,472 --> 00:21:06,557

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:11,938

I now pronounce you man and man.

00:21:13,481 --> 00:21:15,608

[ Cheers and applause ]

00:21:20,738 --> 00:21:22,156

Boys, I'm really proud of you.

00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:25,410

You've done an amazing thing

for gay-marriage rights.

00:21:25,535 --> 00:21:26,536

What did we do?

00:21:26,661 --> 00:21:28,371

Stan, I'm sorry I doubted you.

00:21:28,496 --> 00:21:30,790

You really made a great dad.

00:21:31,291 --> 00:21:34,002

Like I give a crap

about what you think, Wendy.

00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:38,589

MR. GARRISON:

♪ Love -- Love lost long ago ♪

00:21:38,715 --> 00:21:40,008

♪ It was special then ♪

00:21:40,133 --> 00:21:41,968

♪ It's over now ♪

00:21:42,093 --> 00:21:46,806

♪ Guess that I'll never know

how it all went wrong ♪

00:21:46,931 --> 00:21:49,600

♪ How? How? How? ♪

00:21:49,726 --> 00:21:53,730

♪ But perhaps I should try

to boldly go ♪

00:21:53,855 --> 00:21:55,606

♪ And rekindle that love ♪

00:21:55,732 --> 00:21:59,694

♪ Lost long ago ♪