За два дня до послезавтра — Стэн и Картман случайно ломают плотину, в результате чего учёные предполагают глобальное потепление и вводят чрезвычайную ситуацию.

Предыдущая серия S09 E07 День эрекции

Следующая серия S09 E09 Марджорин

За два дня до послезавтра

Two Days Before the Day After Tomorrow

Сезон: 09Серия: 08

Описание

Стэн и Картман случайно ломают плотину, в результате чего учёные предполагают глобальное потепление и вводят чрезвычайную ситуацию.

Субтитры

00:00:08,968 --> 00:00:12,430 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
00:00:12,555 --> 00:00:14,098 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:15,683 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:15,808 --> 00:00:18,894 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:20,604 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,730 --> 00:00:22,481 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
00:00:22,606 --> 00:00:25,484 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:25,609 --> 00:00:28,988 Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
00:00:29,113 --> 00:00:33,284 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
00:00:41,792 --> 00:00:44,253 Puh-pew! Puh-pew-pew-pew-pew!
00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:45,421 Dude, you were right, Cartman.
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:47,214 Your Uncle Roy has a sweet boat.
00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:48,632 Yeah. Isn't this fun?
00:00:48,758 --> 00:00:50,092 Just you and me hanging out, Stan.
00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:51,761 No stupid Kyle around.
00:00:51,886 --> 00:00:53,929 Man, I wish I could really drive this thing.
00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:55,848 - You know how? - Sure, I do.
00:00:55,973 --> 00:00:56,932 Well, here.
00:00:57,058 --> 00:00:59,560 Roy keeps the keys in the glove box.
00:00:59,685 --> 00:01:01,937 Dude, I don't think your uncle would want us driving it.
00:01:02,063 --> 00:01:04,648 Nobody's gonna know if we drive it around the marina real quick.
00:01:04,774 --> 00:01:07,276 If anything happens, I'll take full responsibility.
00:01:11,197 --> 00:01:12,823 Okay. Turn on the ignition.
00:01:14,909 --> 00:01:15,993 Awesome.
00:01:16,118 --> 00:01:17,203 Okay.
00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:22,416 We're not moving.
00:01:26,378 --> 00:01:28,380 Maybe you have the parking brake on!
00:01:28,506 --> 00:01:30,049 Boats don't have parking brakes, dumb-ass.
00:01:30,174 --> 00:01:31,175 They only have...
00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:32,760 Oh, wait, wait. Neutral button.
00:01:35,805 --> 00:01:37,181 - Aah! - Aah!
00:01:37,306 --> 00:01:38,974 Other way! Other way!
00:01:42,937 --> 00:01:43,979 - Aah! - Aah!
00:01:45,106 --> 00:01:46,398 - BI-bl-bl-bl! - BI-bl-bl-bl!
00:01:46,524 --> 00:01:47,775 Jesus Christ!
00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:50,402 Stan! Beaver dam!
00:01:51,654 --> 00:01:53,864 Very large beaver dam, Stan!
00:01:53,989 --> 00:01:54,865 Aah!
00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:16,095 Oh, dude. Oh, Jesus!
00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:20,015 Dude. Stan. You are in serious trouble.
00:02:20,516 --> 00:02:22,017 You said <i>you'd</i> take responsibility
00:02:22,143 --> 00:02:23,018 to your Uncle Roy.
00:02:23,144 --> 00:02:24,520 I don't even <i>have</i> an Uncle Roy!
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:26,355 That was just some guy's boat I knew about.
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:27,857 - What?! - Look. It's okay.
00:02:27,982 --> 00:02:29,859 We weren't here. This didn't happen, okay?
00:02:29,984 --> 00:02:32,069 We were both at my house all afternoon long
00:02:32,194 --> 00:02:33,404 playing tea party, okay?
00:02:33,529 --> 00:02:35,072 Now, come on! We got to bail!
00:02:35,197 --> 00:02:36,240 Oh, God.
00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:38,033 I hope I didn't hurt any beavers.
00:02:38,159 --> 00:02:40,035 Dude, come on! We got to get out of here!
00:02:44,582 --> 00:02:47,376 With an eye on America and all of today's events,
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:51,463 it's "South Park Evening News," with Tom Pusslicker.
00:02:51,589 --> 00:02:53,757 Peril, crisis, and fear tonight
00:02:53,883 --> 00:02:56,135 as what appears to be a massive flood
00:02:56,260 --> 00:02:59,889 has overtaken the town of Beaverton, Colorado,
00:03:00,014 --> 00:03:02,683 home of the world's largest beaver dam.
00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:05,186 Earlier today a break in the beaver dam
00:03:05,311 --> 00:03:07,313 which protected the town broke open,
00:03:07,438 --> 00:03:10,524 trapping people in their houses and destroying their lives.
00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:13,277 Oh, my gosh. Those poor people.
00:03:13,402 --> 00:03:16,614 Tom, I'm currently 10 miles outside of Beaverton,
00:03:16,739 --> 00:03:18,699 unable to get inside the town proper.
00:03:18,824 --> 00:03:21,327 We do not have any reports of fatalities yet,
00:03:21,452 --> 00:03:22,912 but we believe that the death toll
00:03:23,037 --> 00:03:25,414 may be in the hundreds of millions.
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:28,834 Beaverton has only a population of about 8,000, Tom,
00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:30,628 so this would be quite devastating.
00:03:30,753 --> 00:03:33,505 Any word on how the survivors in the town are doing?
00:03:34,215 --> 00:03:36,550 W-We're not sure what exactly is going on
00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,177 inside the town of Beaverton, uh, Tom,
00:03:38,302 --> 00:03:40,846 but we're reporting that there's looting, raping,
00:03:40,971 --> 00:03:43,349 and, yes, even acts of cannibalism.
00:03:43,474 --> 00:03:45,434 My God. You've -- You've actually seen people
00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:47,353 looting, raping, and eating each other?
00:03:47,937 --> 00:03:49,980 No. No, we haven't actually seen it, Tom.
00:03:50,105 --> 00:03:51,982 We're just reporting it.
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:54,151 You all done with your fish sticks, Stan?
00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:55,986 I'll help you, Sharon.
00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:57,780 Boy, that's just awful.
00:03:57,905 --> 00:04:00,032 In the nearby town of South Park,
00:04:00,157 --> 00:04:02,910 the cause of the Beaverton flood is being investigated.
00:04:03,035 --> 00:04:05,663 That's right. We know whose fault this is.
00:04:05,788 --> 00:04:06,997 Uh-oh.
00:04:07,122 --> 00:04:08,666 It's George Bush's fault!
00:04:08,791 --> 00:04:09,583 Yeah!
00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:11,919 George Bush doesn't care about beavers!
00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:14,630 George Bush didn't break that beaver dam.
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:16,757 It was terrorists and al-Qaeda!
00:04:16,882 --> 00:04:20,970 They've been secretly building beaver-dam WMDs for years now!
00:04:21,095 --> 00:04:23,889 - Yeah! That's right! - Beaver dam WMDs!
00:04:26,684 --> 00:04:28,060 Mom? Dad?
00:04:28,185 --> 00:04:30,771 T-They're gonna go help those people, right?
00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:31,855 I don't know.
00:04:31,981 --> 00:04:34,024 You know, to me, it seems like the mayor of Beaverton
00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:36,151 should have done something about that dam years ago.
00:04:36,277 --> 00:04:38,570 Don't blame the mayor, Sharon. What about FEMA?
00:04:38,696 --> 00:04:41,824 I think this whole thing is really their fault.
00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:45,035 Yeah, but, uh, s-somebody's gonna help the people
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,745 off their -- their rooftops, right?
00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:48,455 That's not important right now, son.
00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:52,293 What's important is figuring out whose fault this is.
00:05:00,259 --> 00:05:03,053 Dude -- Dude, did you see the news last night?
00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:04,179 Yeah.
00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:06,307 You saw all those people trapped on their roofs?
00:05:06,432 --> 00:05:08,642 Yeah. That was pretty funny.
00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:11,812 Pretty funny?! Dude, <i>we</i> did that!
00:05:11,937 --> 00:05:13,147 That was <i>our</i> fault!
00:05:13,272 --> 00:05:14,189 Hey, hey. No, dog.
00:05:14,315 --> 00:05:16,150 We aren't the ones who built a town
00:05:16,275 --> 00:05:18,068 beneath a giant beaver dam, okay?
00:05:18,193 --> 00:05:19,236 That's <i>their</i> fault!
00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:21,405 But they're trapped now, and nobody's helping them.
00:05:21,530 --> 00:05:23,282 Well, they should have gotten out of there.
00:05:23,407 --> 00:05:25,409 Maybe they couldn't get out.
00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:27,077 We did.
00:05:27,202 --> 00:05:29,997 Dude, I-I just -- I don't know what to do here.
00:05:30,122 --> 00:05:31,957 I-I know what you're thinking, Stan.
00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:33,751 You're thinking you're gonna go tell Kyle.
00:05:33,876 --> 00:05:35,627 Look, I know you think he's your best friend,
00:05:35,753 --> 00:05:37,046 but Kyle is a Jew rat.
00:05:37,171 --> 00:05:39,506 He has his Jew ethics, while he hoards his greedy Jew gold,
00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:41,759 and he will Jew you out if you tell him about this!
00:05:41,884 --> 00:05:43,802 - Hey, dudes. - Oh. Hey, Kyle.
00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:45,596 Sorry I couldn't make it yesterday.
00:05:45,721 --> 00:05:47,514 What did you guys do?
00:05:48,432 --> 00:05:49,641 Nothing.
00:05:49,767 --> 00:05:51,852 Totally.
00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:53,562 Hey, everybody, they just found out
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,397 what caused the flood in Beaverton!
00:05:58,108 --> 00:05:59,401 Aw, crap!
00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:02,196 Quiet, children. Quiet. We need to hear.
00:06:02,321 --> 00:06:05,282 At first, nobody knew what caused the dam to break.
00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:08,410 But now shocking new evidence has indicated
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:11,163 that the flood in Beaverton was caused by...
00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:13,207 global warming!
00:06:15,084 --> 00:06:20,589 It now appears that all rumors of global warming were true.
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:23,509 We were warned this would happen, and...
00:06:23,634 --> 00:06:25,469 we didn't listen.
00:06:25,594 --> 00:06:27,471 We didn't listen!
00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:31,517 All the top Colorado geologists have gathered
00:06:31,642 --> 00:06:34,311 at the governor's office for an emergency meeting.
00:06:37,856 --> 00:06:41,110 Ladies and gentlemen, if global warming has, in fact,
00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:43,487 already caused the Beaverton flood,
00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:45,656 then this is only the beginning.
00:06:45,781 --> 00:06:47,950 The effects are going to spread.
00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:50,702 What we are looking at is a global-warming catastrophe
00:06:50,828 --> 00:06:52,746 the likes of which we've never seen.
00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:53,997 - Oh, peas and carrots! - Peas and carrots!
00:06:54,123 --> 00:06:55,624 - Peas and carrots! - Peas and carrots!
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:56,792 - Peas and carrots! - Peas and carrots!
00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:59,711 E-Excuse me, sir, but when?
00:06:59,837 --> 00:07:01,255 When is this going to happen?
00:07:01,380 --> 00:07:03,215 My colleagues in the scientific community
00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:06,969 are still running tests, but we believe it may happen...
00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:09,638 the day after tomorrow.
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:10,848 Oh! Peas and carrots!
00:07:10,973 --> 00:07:12,933 - Peas and carrots! - Peas and carrots!
00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:14,351 Uh, excuse me.
00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:16,186 I'm sure we're all very impressed
00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:19,314 with your wild theories, Dr., uh, Marsh.
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,650 But the fact is no statistical proof
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:24,736 has ever been confirmed that global warming exists.
00:07:24,862 --> 00:07:27,865 Are you suggesting we shut down the economy?
00:07:28,449 --> 00:07:31,827 With all due respect, cliché dissenting Republican,
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:36,373 the economy isn't going to matter the day after tomorrow.
00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:37,624 - Peas and carrots! - Peas and carrots!
00:07:37,749 --> 00:07:39,251 - Peas and carrots! - Peas and carrots!
00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:41,420 Listen! Listen!
00:07:41,545 --> 00:07:43,839 We finished running the tests.
00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,799 Global warming is going to strike
00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:49,678 two days before the day after tomorrow.
00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:52,681 Oh, my God.
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,224 That's today!
00:08:11,074 --> 00:08:13,035 We didn't listen!
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,913 Stan! Get in the car! We have to evacuate!
00:08:16,038 --> 00:08:18,665 We didn't listen!
00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:26,590 Come on. Come on!
00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:28,842 It's useless. This traffic isn't moving.
00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:30,093 Dad, isn't it possible
00:08:30,219 --> 00:08:32,471 the flood wasn't caused by global warming?
00:08:32,596 --> 00:08:34,264 I-I mean, the water <i>was</i> held back
00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:36,433 by a giant beaver dam, after all.
00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:39,311 No, Stan, I'm afraid us adults just let you children down.
00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:40,562 We didn't take care of our earth,
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,439 and now you've inherited our problems!
00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:43,857 We didn't listen!
00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:45,484 We -- We didn't listen!
00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:46,485 Come on!
00:08:46,610 --> 00:08:48,320 Everyone grab what you can. We have to walk.
00:08:54,660 --> 00:08:56,912 Oh, Jesus! Here it comes!
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,288 Global warming!
00:09:09,424 --> 00:09:12,135 It's coming! Here comes global warming!
00:09:12,261 --> 00:09:13,971 We didn't listen!
00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:24,439 Oh! Oh!
00:09:24,565 --> 00:09:25,816 BI-bl-bl-bl!
00:09:25,941 --> 00:09:28,402 BI-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl!
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,321 Come on! Hurry!
00:09:33,115 --> 00:09:34,783 It's right behind us!
00:09:39,413 --> 00:09:41,456 It's coming the other way!
00:09:42,874 --> 00:09:45,335 Go back! Go back!
00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:48,046 Everyone into the community center! Hurry! Go!
00:09:48,171 --> 00:09:50,048 Get inside! We have to close these doors!
00:09:58,390 --> 00:09:59,474 Aah!
00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:07,983 Come on. We've got to board up that last window!
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,401 Seal up all the doorways!
00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:12,237 We must try to protect ourselves from the global warming!
00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:14,698 Mr. Garrison, are you all right?
00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:16,158 I'm in pretty bad shape.
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:20,495 My leg is broken, and my left boob is leaking.
00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:22,122 Here you go, sweetheart.
00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:24,333 Mom, you know, those people in Beaverton
00:10:24,458 --> 00:10:25,667 are still trapped in the flood.
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:26,668 I know.
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:29,129 But I'm afraid it's too late for them, sweetie.
00:10:29,254 --> 00:10:31,131 We have to try and save ourselves now.
00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:34,051 Shh! Shh! We've got the television working.
00:10:34,176 --> 00:10:38,847 This is a Fox News update! Global Warming Disaster!
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:41,933 Global warming appears to have struck, as predicted,
00:10:42,059 --> 00:10:43,393 in the Colorado Rockies.
00:10:43,518 --> 00:10:46,688 All around the country, panic and chaos are settling in.
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:49,566 Tom, I'm standing just outside of Chicago,
00:10:49,691 --> 00:10:50,984 where the panic of global warming
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:52,903 has already caused countless deaths.
00:10:53,028 --> 00:10:55,864 Already we're reporting that the death toll here in Chicago
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:58,283 is over 600 billion people.
00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:02,204 Oh, God.
00:11:02,788 --> 00:11:04,623 This is all your fault, Jimbo!
00:11:05,207 --> 00:11:06,458 - Me? - Yeah!
00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:08,502 You drive that damn S.U.V. around!
00:11:08,627 --> 00:11:10,837 You didn't even think about global warming, did you?!
00:11:11,755 --> 00:11:13,090 Can you believe it, Stan?
00:11:13,215 --> 00:11:15,842 I never thought global warming could happen so fast.
00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:18,887 I guess...I didn't listen.
00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:23,308 Kyle, it... it isn't global warming.
00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:24,518 Huh?
00:11:24,643 --> 00:11:26,311 Global warming isn't happening right now.
00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:29,189 It's -- It's not what caused the Beaverton flood.
00:11:29,314 --> 00:11:30,649 How do you know that?
00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:33,777 Because I know what <i>did</i> cause the flood.
00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:36,655 - George Bush? - No.
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,490 - Terrorists? - No.
00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:39,741 - Communists? - No.
00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:41,618 - Chinese radicals? - No.
00:11:41,743 --> 00:11:43,203 Cartman?
00:11:43,328 --> 00:11:44,246 Sort of.
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:45,956 - Cartman flooded Beaverton?! - Shh!
00:11:46,081 --> 00:11:47,332 Not -- Not exactly.
00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:49,126 We were messing around on this guy's new boat,
00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:50,585 and Cartman egged me on, and --
00:11:50,711 --> 00:11:53,797 and I crashed it into the Beaverton dam.
00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:56,758 Dude, you have to tell everyone right now!
00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,553 Hey, Stan.
00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:03,765 Oh, God damn it! You told Kyle, didn't you?!
00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:05,892 Stan, people in Beaverton are still trapped on their roofs.
00:12:06,017 --> 00:12:08,145 Nobody's helping because they think they can't go outside.
00:12:08,270 --> 00:12:09,688 Oh, here we go. See? I told you.
00:12:09,813 --> 00:12:11,273 If you're so caring, Kyle,
00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:12,858 why don't you share some of your Jew gold
00:12:12,983 --> 00:12:14,151 with the people caught in the flood?
00:12:14,276 --> 00:12:15,944 Look, maybe -- maybe we can help
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,779 those people in Beaverton ourselves.
00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:19,197 - How? - Why?
00:12:19,322 --> 00:12:20,991 We can sneak out of here, get a boat,
00:12:21,116 --> 00:12:22,409 and go help them off their roofs.
00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:26,663 That way I can do the right thing, but still lie about it.
00:12:26,788 --> 00:12:28,498 Listen! Listen, everyone!
00:12:28,623 --> 00:12:30,917 Nobody can leave this building.
00:12:31,042 --> 00:12:34,421 But we need supplies -- food, silicone.
00:12:34,546 --> 00:12:36,715 You go outside, and you'll die.
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:39,801 By now the global warming has shifted the climate,
00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:41,428 bringing on a new ice age.
00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:43,221 Within the hour, the temperature outside
00:12:43,346 --> 00:12:47,225 will fall to over 70 million degrees below zero.
00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:49,561 Jesus.
00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:53,023 All we can do is try to wait it out as long as we can.
00:12:53,148 --> 00:12:54,983 And...the rest of the country?
00:12:57,194 --> 00:12:58,653 Everyone below this line
00:12:58,779 --> 00:13:00,405 will have to be evacuated to the South.
00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:04,284 Everyone above this line is already dead.
00:13:04,409 --> 00:13:06,077 People like us, in the middle states,
00:13:06,203 --> 00:13:07,412 have to ride it out.
00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:09,581 The balmy Southwestern states might have a chance,
00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:11,541 but New York will have tidal waves
00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:14,252 that envelop all of the Northeast.
00:13:23,220 --> 00:13:25,138 What, Frank?
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:31,812 Oh! Oh, God damn it.
00:13:37,609 --> 00:13:39,361 Hello?
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:41,446 Anybody?
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:44,825 We'd like to be rescued, please!
00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:48,286 Any day now.
00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:50,330 Why haven't they come for us?!
00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:53,083 I-I don't know.
00:13:53,208 --> 00:13:55,877 Wait! Look! Here comes a boat!
00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:58,088 Really? Oh, it's about time!
00:13:58,213 --> 00:14:00,090 Oh, Kevin! We're saved!
00:14:00,215 --> 00:14:02,509 It looks like three little boys.
00:14:02,634 --> 00:14:04,928 Hey, we'll take it! Over here! Yes!
00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:07,389 Thank you! Thank you!
00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:24,573 Oh, thanks. Thanks.
00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:26,032 That's a <i>lot</i> better.
00:14:27,784 --> 00:14:29,911 We can't get out! The flames are too big!
00:14:30,579 --> 00:14:32,247 Oh, great. You see, Stan?
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:34,457 This is what you get for listening to Kyle.
00:14:34,583 --> 00:14:36,001 "Oh, you got to help those people.
00:14:36,126 --> 00:14:38,003 It's your responsibility."
00:14:38,128 --> 00:14:39,212 Stan, it's over.
00:14:39,337 --> 00:14:42,382 You have to admit what you did so our parents can help us.
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:48,555 Stan?
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,098 Stan?!
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,726 Randy, we've looked everywhere! Kyle's missing, too!
00:14:52,851 --> 00:14:54,978 Oh, my God! Where would they go?
00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:57,522 Randy! Randy! Your son's on the phone.
00:14:58,899 --> 00:14:59,900 Stan?
00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:01,693 Uh, hey, Dad.
00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:03,111 Stan, you're alive!
00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:04,988 Dad, we're -- we're trapped in Beaverton.
00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:06,865 We -- We were trying to save everyone.
00:15:06,990 --> 00:15:09,451 Stan, listen to me. You must stay indoors.
00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:10,660 Do not try to go out.
00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:13,246 Global warming has brought in a new ice age!
00:15:13,371 --> 00:15:16,041 No. Dad, listen. I need to tell you something.
00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:18,043 What is it, son?
00:15:20,378 --> 00:15:21,254 Nothing.
00:15:21,379 --> 00:15:22,923 Can you just come get us, please?
00:15:23,048 --> 00:15:26,051 You just stay put, son! I'm coming for you!
00:15:26,176 --> 00:15:28,762 Do you hear me?! I'm coming for you!
00:15:32,057 --> 00:15:33,767 Randy, w-where are you going?
00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:35,268 I'm going to Beaverton.
00:15:35,393 --> 00:15:37,771 You can't go out there. You'll freeze to death!
00:15:37,896 --> 00:15:39,564 My son is counting on me.
00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:40,815 I'm going with you.
00:15:40,941 --> 00:15:42,692 You can't go out there. You'll freeze to death!
00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:44,110 You can't do this alone!
00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:45,278 Let me go, too.
00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:48,239 You can't go out there. You'll freeze to death.
00:15:48,365 --> 00:15:49,532 All right. Come on, both of you.
00:15:49,658 --> 00:15:50,617 We've got to pull together
00:15:50,742 --> 00:15:53,411 every warm piece of clothing we can find.
00:16:10,053 --> 00:16:11,471 Steven!
00:16:13,264 --> 00:16:15,100 Steven, you have to keep moving!
00:16:15,225 --> 00:16:17,060 I can't go on.
00:16:17,185 --> 00:16:20,146 Feel so...hot!
00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:24,192 Feeling warmth is a symptom of the last stages of hypothermia!
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:25,986 Oh, Jesus!
00:16:26,111 --> 00:16:28,113 I feel warm, too!
00:16:28,238 --> 00:16:29,447 Yeah, me too.
00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:32,367 Steven! We've got to keep moving!
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:34,828 We're in deep hypothermia, all of us!
00:16:34,953 --> 00:16:37,706 We've got to keep the blood flowing!
00:16:37,831 --> 00:16:40,500 Maybe we should strip these jackets off
00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:44,504 a-and warm our bodies next to each other!
00:16:44,629 --> 00:16:46,381 Don't be a fag!
00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:49,134 Come on! We can make it!
00:16:49,259 --> 00:16:51,302 We have to try!
00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:57,475 Come on, people. We're running out of time.
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:58,810 We need all Army helicopters
00:16:58,935 --> 00:17:00,812 to the Southern states for evacuation now!
00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:03,523 Sir, more people in Beaverton are calling.
00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:06,526 They say they're trapped in floods <i>and</i> fire now.
00:17:06,651 --> 00:17:08,319 Tell them that the government can't help them,
00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:09,487 but that we're very sorry.
00:17:09,612 --> 00:17:10,655 You know the plan, people.
00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:13,241 We can only evacuate citizens below this line.
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,493 E-Excuse me, General. - What?!
00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:17,412 We've just compiled some new information.
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,247 The flood in Beaverton wasn't caused
00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:20,707 by global warming after all.
00:17:20,832 --> 00:17:21,541 What?
00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:25,003 We know the truth now. We know what caused it.
00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:28,173 Oh, my God.
00:17:28,298 --> 00:17:31,301 Quick! Radio the helicopters!
00:17:37,098 --> 00:17:39,726 Help! Help!
00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:42,353 Dude, this whole building is going to collapse!
00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:44,689 We have to find a way out!
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:51,738 Don't worry, everyone.
00:17:51,863 --> 00:17:53,990 The government is here to save you.
00:17:55,492 --> 00:17:57,327 Oh, wow. Thank you so much.
00:17:57,452 --> 00:17:59,621 What a swift and speedy rescue.
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:01,372 Come on! We got to get to the roof!
00:18:01,498 --> 00:18:03,666 Oh, Jesus! We have to hurry!
00:18:04,918 --> 00:18:05,919 I-It's helicopters!
00:18:06,044 --> 00:18:07,629 They finally came to help everyone!
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:10,006 Not so fast, Kyle.
00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:12,300 What are you doing?
00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:14,010 Hand over the gold.
00:18:14,719 --> 00:18:16,429 What gold?!
00:18:16,554 --> 00:18:18,014 You know what I'm talking about!
00:18:18,139 --> 00:18:20,934 No, Cartman, I have no idea what you're talking about.
00:18:21,059 --> 00:18:23,895 All Jews carry gold in a little bag around their necks.
00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:26,064 - Hand it over! - Guys, come on!
00:18:26,189 --> 00:18:27,649 Jews do not carry gold in a little bag
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:28,983 around their necks, Cartman.
00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:30,110 Stop playing around!
00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:32,362 I'm not playing around, Kyle.
00:18:32,487 --> 00:18:34,239 If we survive this, I don't intend to live in poverty.
00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:35,573 Give me your Jew gold now!
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:38,409 Dude, we don't have time for your stupid jokes.
00:18:38,535 --> 00:18:39,410 We're gonna die!
00:18:39,536 --> 00:18:41,412 Yes, but you can live if you give me your Jew gold.
00:18:41,538 --> 00:18:42,914 The decision is yours, Kyle.
00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:44,290 God damn it, you know I don't carry gold
00:18:44,415 --> 00:18:45,750 in a little bag around my neck, Cartman!
00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:46,835 What do you want from me?!
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:50,130 I want your Jew gold.
00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:56,761 Okay. Fine. Here!
00:18:56,886 --> 00:18:58,596 Now let's go!
00:18:58,721 --> 00:19:00,223 Do you think I'm stupid?
00:19:00,348 --> 00:19:02,559 I know all Jews carry fake bags of gold around their necks
00:19:02,684 --> 00:19:04,435 to keep the real bags of gold around their necks safe.
00:19:04,561 --> 00:19:06,771 Hand over the real Jew gold, Kyle!
00:19:15,238 --> 00:19:18,032 No! No-o-o!
00:19:23,997 --> 00:19:25,665 Hey! Wait up, you assholes!
00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:27,000 God!
00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:34,799 Hey! Look, everybody! Helicopters!
00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:37,385 T-They've got the boys!
00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:39,179 Global warming must be over.
00:19:39,304 --> 00:19:40,471 We made it!
00:19:47,312 --> 00:19:48,646 Stanley!
00:19:48,771 --> 00:19:49,856 Kyle!
00:19:52,317 --> 00:19:53,484 Stan?
00:19:53,610 --> 00:19:55,361 We found Stan!
00:19:56,613 --> 00:19:58,865 So does -- does this mean the storm has passed?
00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:00,325 Global warming's over?
00:20:00,450 --> 00:20:03,119 Global warming didn't cause the Beaverton flood.
00:20:03,244 --> 00:20:06,414 We know now whose fault it is.
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:08,625 It was...crab people.
00:20:10,168 --> 00:20:11,294 Oh!
00:20:11,419 --> 00:20:15,381 ♪ Crab people, crab people ♪
00:20:15,506 --> 00:20:17,133 - ♪ Tastes like -- ♪ - Stop it! Stop it!
00:20:17,258 --> 00:20:20,011 First it was terrorists, then George Bush and global warming,
00:20:20,136 --> 00:20:21,346 and now you're all blaming crab people
00:20:21,471 --> 00:20:23,264 for something that's very simple.
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:27,143 It's my fault. I broke the dam.
00:20:28,770 --> 00:20:31,314 Aw, man.
00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:34,776 Stanley, you?
00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:35,777 No.
00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:37,904 Don't you see what this child is saying?
00:20:38,029 --> 00:20:40,406 We can't spend all our energy placing blame
00:20:40,531 --> 00:20:41,783 when something bad happens.
00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:45,286 He's saying we <i>all</i> broke the dam.
00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:47,288 No. I broke the dam.
00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:50,124 I broke the dam.
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:52,710 I broke the dam.
00:20:52,835 --> 00:20:54,170 I broke the dam.
00:20:54,295 --> 00:20:55,713 No, I broke the dam.
00:20:55,838 --> 00:20:57,173 And I broke the dam.
00:20:57,298 --> 00:20:58,299 I broke the dam.
00:20:58,424 --> 00:21:00,468 I broke the dam.
00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,595 I broke the dam.
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:04,222 I broke the dam.
00:21:04,347 --> 00:21:05,223 I broke the dam.
00:21:05,348 --> 00:21:07,517 I ran a boat into the dam, and I broke it.
00:21:07,642 --> 00:21:08,810 I broke the dam.
00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:09,894 I broke the dam.
00:21:10,019 --> 00:21:11,229 I broke the dam.
00:21:11,354 --> 00:21:12,605 I broke the dam.
00:21:12,730 --> 00:21:14,983 No! I broke the fucking dam!
00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:16,442 I broke the dam.
00:21:16,567 --> 00:21:17,986 I broke the dam.
00:21:18,111 --> 00:21:19,862 I literally broke the dam!
00:21:19,988 --> 00:21:21,155 I broke the dam.
00:21:21,281 --> 00:21:22,782 I broke the dam.
00:21:22,907 --> 00:21:24,784 On a boat that wasn't mine!
00:21:24,909 --> 00:21:26,244 I broke the dam.
00:21:26,369 --> 00:21:27,328 I broke the dam.
00:21:27,453 --> 00:21:29,372 I kept it secret for two days!
00:21:29,497 --> 00:21:30,748 I broke the dam.
00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:32,292 I broke the dam.
00:21:32,417 --> 00:21:34,836 The boat caught on fire, and it exploded!
00:21:34,961 --> 00:21:36,587 I broke the dam.
00:21:36,713 --> 00:21:37,922 I broke the dam.
00:21:38,047 --> 00:21:39,924 Oh fuck it!

00:00:44,483 --> 00:00:47,713 Ты прав, Картман, у твоего дяди Роя классная лодка!
00:00:47,723 --> 00:00:52,313 Да...разве не прикольно? Только мы вдвоем, Стен, без тупого Кайла рядом!
00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:54,343 Чел, как бы мне хотелось поуправлять ей по-настоящему...
00:00:54,693 --> 00:00:55,383 А ты умеешь?
00:00:55,383 --> 00:00:56,563 Конечно умею!
00:00:56,693 --> 00:00:59,323 Ну тогда на!...Рой хранит ключи в бардачке.
00:01:00,033 --> 00:01:02,443 Чел, я не думаю что твой дядя бы это одобрил...
00:01:02,443 --> 00:01:02,483 Да никто не узнает. Мы просто по-быстрому сгоняем вокруг пристани. Чел, я не думаю что твой дядя бы это одобрил...
00:01:02,483 --> 00:01:04,913 Да никто не узнает. Мы просто по-быстрому сгоняем вокруг пристани.
00:01:04,913 --> 00:01:07,503 Слушай. Если что-нибудь случится, я возьму всю вину на себя.
00:01:11,623 --> 00:01:13,793 Так...включаем зажигание...
00:01:14,963 --> 00:01:16,423 Шикарно...:)
00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:17,423 Таак....
00:01:21,443 --> 00:01:22,963 Мы не движемся.
00:01:27,063 --> 00:01:28,743 Может с ручника не снял?
00:01:28,743 --> 00:01:28,813 Дебил, у лодок нет ручника! У них есть только...а стой! Она на нейтралке! Может с ручника не снял?
00:01:28,813 --> 00:01:33,403 Дебил, у лодок нет ручника! У них есть только...а стой! Она на нейтралке!
00:01:37,743 --> 00:01:39,513 Тормозиии!!!!! Тормози!
00:01:47,193 --> 00:01:48,253 Господи Исуси!
00:01:48,293 --> 00:01:50,743 Стен....Бобровая плотина!
00:01:52,163 --> 00:01:54,533 Очень большая бобровая плотина, Стен!
00:02:13,443 --> 00:02:15,883 Черт!...О, Господи!
00:02:17,223 --> 00:02:19,823 Черт, Стен! У тебя будут большие проблемы!
00:02:20,973 --> 00:02:23,203 Ты сказал что возьмешь вину на себя перед дядей Роем!
00:02:23,483 --> 00:02:26,943 Да у меня даже нет никакого дяди Роя! Это была просто лодка какого-то чувака, о которой я знал!
00:02:26,943 --> 00:02:27,553 Что?!
00:02:27,553 --> 00:02:27,573 Слушай, все нормально. Нас здесь не было и ничего не случилось. Что?!
00:02:27,573 --> 00:02:30,623 Слушай, все нормально. Нас здесь не было и ничего не случилось.
00:02:30,623 --> 00:02:30,783 Мы оба весь день были у меня дома, играли в "Чаепитие". А теперь пошли, нам надо сваливать! Слушай, все нормально. Нас здесь не было и ничего не случилось.
00:02:30,783 --> 00:02:34,993 Мы оба весь день были у меня дома, играли в "Чаепитие". А теперь пошли, нам надо сваливать!
00:02:35,773 --> 00:02:38,443 Боже...надеюсь бобры не пострадали...
00:02:38,653 --> 00:02:40,273 Чел, пошли! Нам надо убираться отсюда!
00:02:45,063 --> 00:02:48,293 Взгляд на Америку и на все сегодняшние события.
00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:51,613 Вечерние Новости Саус Парка. С Томом Дыркососом (Pusslicker).
00:02:51,853 --> 00:03:02,813 Этой ночью, ужас, паника и страх массивным потоком наводнили город Бобруйск в Колорадо, где находится самая большая бобровая плотина в мире.
00:03:03,543 --> 00:03:10,923 Сегодня, прорыв в этой плотине, которая защищала город, запирает людей в их домах и разрушает их жизни.
00:03:11,603 --> 00:03:13,323 О боже, бедняги...
00:03:14,063 --> 00:03:19,453 Том, я сейчас нахожусь в 10 милях от Бобруйска. У меня нет возможности попасть в сам город.
00:03:19,453 --> 00:03:26,173 У нас пока нет данных о жертвах, но по всей видимости, их количество исчисляется сотнями миллионов
00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:31,073 Население Бобруйска составляет около 8 тысяч человек, так что потери весьма и весьма существенны.
00:03:31,073 --> 00:03:31,273 Поступали ли какие-нибудь данные о выживших, Митч? Население Бобруйска составляет около 8 тысяч человек, так что потери весьма и весьма существенны.
00:03:31,273 --> 00:03:33,923 Поступали ли какие-нибудь данные о выживших, Митч?
00:03:33,923 --> 00:03:43,883 Мы не уверены, что именно происходит в городе, но можем с уверенностью сообщить, что там царит насилие, грабеж и, да, возможны даже акты каннибализма.
00:03:43,883 --> 00:03:47,863 Боже мой, вы...ввы действительно видели людей грабящих, насилующих и пожирающих друг друга?
00:03:47,863 --> 00:03:52,173 Нет, мы в действительности не видели этого, Том, мы просто сообщаем вам об этом.
00:03:52,903 --> 00:03:54,823 Ты доел свои рыбные палочки, Стен?
00:03:54,823 --> 00:03:55,853 Я помогу тебе, Шэрон.
00:03:56,333 --> 00:03:57,833 Боже, это просто ужасно.
00:03:58,643 --> 00:04:03,433 В соседнем городке, Саус Парке, причины наводнения в Бобруйске уже были выяснены.
00:04:03,433 --> 00:04:06,083 Да, это так! Мы знаем чья это вина!
00:04:07,393 --> 00:04:09,433 Это Джордж Буш во всем виноват!
00:04:09,433 --> 00:04:09,483 Да! Джордж Бушу плевать на бобров! Это Джордж Буш во всем виноват!
00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:12,503 Да! Джордж Бушу плевать на бобров!
00:04:12,503 --> 00:04:17,523 Джордж Буш не мог взорвать плотину! Это происки террористов и Аль Каеды!
00:04:17,523 --> 00:04:21,613 Они годами тайно создавали свое WMD чтобы уничтожать плотины! (прим: оружие массового поражения)
00:04:27,193 --> 00:04:31,133 Мам, Пап. Они ведь помогут тем людям, да?
00:04:31,133 --> 00:04:36,753 Я не знаю. Знаешь, мне кажется мэр Бобруйска давным давно должен был позаботиться об этой плотине .
00:04:36,753 --> 00:04:40,913 Не вини мэра, Шэрон. Что насчет МЧС? Думаю это они во всем виноваты.
00:04:42,563 --> 00:04:46,763 Да но... ведь кто-то должен помочь этим людям слезть с крыш их домов?
00:04:46,763 --> 00:04:47,603 Это сейчас не важно, сынок. Что важно, - так это понять кто во всем этом виноват. Да но... ведь кто-то должен помочь этим людям слезть с крыш их домов?
00:04:47,603 --> 00:04:51,983 Это сейчас не важно, сынок. Что важно, - так это понять кто во всем этом виноват.
00:05:01,263 --> 00:05:03,493 Чувак, ты смотрел новости вчера вечером?
00:05:03,493 --> 00:05:04,703 Ага!
00:05:04,703 --> 00:05:06,723 Ты видел тех людей на крышах?
00:05:07,293 --> 00:05:08,563 Ага, круто было.
00:05:09,863 --> 00:05:13,373 Круто?! Чувак, это же мы! Это НАША вина!
00:05:13,443 --> 00:05:19,803 Эй, вот и нет! Это не мы построили город рядом с огромной бобровой плотиной, ага? Это ИХ вина!
00:05:19,803 --> 00:05:21,963 Но ведь теперь они в ловушке и никто не торопится им помогать!
00:05:21,963 --> 00:05:23,663 Ну, им следовало бы свалить оттуда!
00:05:23,663 --> 00:05:25,093 Может они не могут выбраться!
00:05:25,613 --> 00:05:26,803 Мы-то выбрались!
00:05:27,533 --> 00:05:30,753 Чел, я...я просто не знаю, что мне делать.
00:05:30,753 --> 00:05:34,513 Погоди-погоди. Я знаю о чем ты думаешь, Стен. Ты думаешь, что должен рассказать обо всем Кайлу.
00:05:34,513 --> 00:05:37,643 Я знаю. Ты думаешь, что он твой лучший друг. Но Кайл жидовская тварь!
00:05:37,643 --> 00:05:42,273 Он ведет себя как жид, копит свое жидовское золото и, как последний жид, он сдаст тебя, как только ты ему все расскажешь.
00:05:42,273 --> 00:05:42,933 Здарова, пацаны!
00:05:44,825 --> 00:05:47,335 Жаль, что вчера я с вами не пошел. Че вы делали-то?
00:05:49,055 --> 00:05:49,995 Мм..Ниче.
00:05:50,675 --> 00:05:51,705 Ага, абсолютно.
00:05:52,207 --> 00:05:55,537 Слушайте все! Они тока что выяснили, отчего произошло наводнение в Бобруйске!
00:05:58,197 --> 00:05:59,117 Вот гавно!
00:06:00,717 --> 00:06:02,517 Тихо дети, тихо! Давайте послушаем.
00:06:02,657 --> 00:06:05,917 По началу, никто не знал, из-за чего прорвало плотину.
00:06:05,917 --> 00:06:10,937 Но теперь, новые шокирующие обстоятельства указывают на то, что наводнение в Бобруйске было вызвано....
00:06:11,727 --> 00:06:13,257 Глобальным Потеплением!
00:06:15,897 --> 00:06:20,407 Похоже на что, что все слухи о Глобальном Потеплени оказались правдой.
00:06:20,867 --> 00:06:25,127 Нас предупреждали, что это произойдет. Но....Мы не послушали!!!
00:06:26,037 --> 00:06:27,537 Мы не послушали!!!
00:06:29,307 --> 00:06:34,447 Все ведущие геологи Колорадо собрались в белом доме для чрезвычайного совещания.
00:06:38,587 --> 00:06:45,797 Дамы и Господа, если Глобальное Потепление уже вызвало наводнение в Бобруйске, то это только начало.
00:06:45,797 --> 00:06:48,177 Процесс необратим.
00:06:48,557 --> 00:06:53,277 Перед нами катастрофа мирового масштаба. Такого мир еще не видел.
00:06:57,667 --> 00:07:01,937 Простите, сэр. Но..когда? Когда это случится?
00:07:01,937 --> 00:07:09,647 Мои коллеги все еще проводят исследования, но...нам кажется это может случиться *ПОСЛЕЗАВТРА*.
00:07:13,617 --> 00:07:25,197 Извините, я уверен, все очень впечатлены вашими безумными теориями, доктор..эм...Марш, но факт в том, что пока доказательств, что Глобальное Потепление существует, нет.
00:07:25,477 --> 00:07:28,187 Вы предлагаете остановить экономику?
00:07:28,667 --> 00:07:36,347 Со всем уважением, вечно несогласный республиканец, экономика не будет иметь никакого значения...*ПОСЛЕЗАВТРА*
00:07:39,757 --> 00:07:43,947 Слушайте, слушайте! Мы закончили испытания!
00:07:43,947 --> 00:07:49,107 Глобальное потепление наступит...За два дня, до *ПОСЛЕЗАВТРА*
00:07:51,087 --> 00:07:54,537 О Боже....Это же Сегодня!
00:08:10,687 --> 00:08:11,957 Мы не послушали!!
00:08:12,857 --> 00:08:15,517 Стен, забирайся в машину! Мы должны эвакуироваться!
00:08:15,517 --> 00:08:15,697 Мы не послушали! Стен, забирайся в машину! Мы должны эвакуироваться!
00:08:15,697 --> 00:08:17,117 Мы не послушали!
00:08:25,444 --> 00:08:26,914 Ну же, ну же!
00:08:26,954 --> 00:08:28,804 Это бесполезно! Машины не движутся!
00:08:29,244 --> 00:08:32,614 Пап, возможно ли, что наводнение не было вызвано глобальным потеплением?
00:08:32,614 --> 00:08:36,554 Я имею в виду, воду все-таки сдерживала гигантская бобровая плотина.
00:08:36,554 --> 00:08:42,894 Нет, Стен. Боюсь, мы просто подвели своих детей. Мы не заботились о нашей земле, и теперь вам приходится отвечать за наши проступки.
00:08:42,894 --> 00:08:43,954 Мы не послушали!
00:08:43,954 --> 00:08:45,724 Мм, мы не послушали!
00:08:46,104 --> 00:08:48,714 Вперед, берите что сможете, нам придется идти пешком!
00:08:54,654 --> 00:08:57,094 Боже мой! Оно здесь!
00:08:57,354 --> 00:08:58,564 Глобальное потепление!!!
00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:13,994 Оно наступает! Глобальное потепление уже здесь! Мы не послушали!!!
00:09:30,374 --> 00:09:31,354 Ну же, поторопитесь!
00:09:33,194 --> 00:09:34,654 Оно прямо за нами!!
00:09:39,714 --> 00:09:41,244 Оно заходит с тыла!
00:09:43,234 --> 00:09:44,244 Назад, назад!!
00:09:45,944 --> 00:09:48,174 Все в клуб! Ну же, торопитесь!
00:09:48,174 --> 00:09:48,374 Заходите внутрь, мы должны закрыть двери! Все в клуб! Ну же, торопитесь!
00:09:48,374 --> 00:09:50,034 Заходите внутрь, мы должны закрыть двери!
00:10:06,086 --> 00:10:08,156 Давайте, надо заделать последнее окно!
00:10:08,156 --> 00:10:12,286 Заприте все двери! Мы должны защититься от глобального потепления.
00:10:13,116 --> 00:10:14,726 Мистер Гаррисон, вы в порядке?
00:10:14,966 --> 00:10:19,756 Мне очень плохо...Моя нога сломана, левая сиська протекла.
00:10:21,076 --> 00:10:22,386 Держи, дорогой.
00:10:22,386 --> 00:10:25,956 Мам, знаешь...те люди, в Бобруйске, все еще не могут выбраться.
00:10:25,956 --> 00:10:29,446 Я знаю, но боюсь для них уже слишком поздно, дорогой.
00:10:29,446 --> 00:10:31,186 Сейчас мы должны позаботиться о себе.
00:10:31,186 --> 00:10:33,436 Чшш! Телевизор заработал!
00:10:33,436 --> 00:10:38,906 Это последние известия от FOX. Ужасы Глобального Потепления.
00:10:39,578 --> 00:10:44,428 Как и ожидалось, глобальное потепление ударило по скалистому Колорадо.
00:10:44,428 --> 00:10:47,468 По всей стране царит паника и хаос.
00:10:47,518 --> 00:10:53,808 Том, я нахожусь в Чикаго, где паника из- за глобального потепления послужила причиной бесчисленных смертей.
00:10:53,808 --> 00:10:59,218 Уже сейчас мы можем сообщить, что их число превышает 600 миллиардов человек.
00:11:01,408 --> 00:11:03,068 Боже...
00:11:03,478 --> 00:11:05,338 Это ты во всем виноват, Джимбо!
00:11:06,068 --> 00:11:06,918 Я?!
00:11:06,918 --> 00:11:11,788 Да! Это ты тут гонял туда сюда на своем внедорожнике, ты и не задумывался о глобальном потеплении, не так ли!?
00:11:12,194 --> 00:11:13,324 Ты можешь в это поверить, Стен?
00:11:13,324 --> 00:11:15,644 Я никогда бы не подумал, что глобальное потепление наступит так быстро...
00:11:15,644 --> 00:11:18,984 Наверное...я просто не послушал!
00:11:19,451 --> 00:11:23,711 Кайл...это...это не глобальное потепление.
00:11:23,711 --> 00:11:24,891 А?
00:11:24,891 --> 00:11:29,791 Глобальное потепление не происходит прямо сейчас. Это..не это вызвало наводнение в Бобруйске.
00:11:30,201 --> 00:11:31,121 Откуда ты знаешь?
00:11:31,121 --> 00:11:34,111 Потому что, я знаю, что на самом деле вызвало наводнение.
00:11:35,031 --> 00:11:36,161 Джордж Буш?
00:11:36,191 --> 00:11:36,771 Нет.
00:11:36,771 --> 00:11:38,361 Террористы?
00:11:38,361 --> 00:11:38,871 Нет.
00:11:38,871 --> 00:11:39,371 Коммунисты? Нет.
00:11:39,371 --> 00:11:40,061 Коммунисты?
00:11:40,061 --> 00:11:40,691 Нет.
00:11:40,691 --> 00:11:41,381 Китайские радикалы?
00:11:41,381 --> 00:11:41,921 Нет.
00:11:42,571 --> 00:11:43,251 Картман?
00:11:43,251 --> 00:11:44,831 В некотором роде...
00:11:44,831 --> 00:11:46,361 Картман затопил Бобруйск?
00:11:46,361 --> 00:11:53,461 Чш! Нет, не совсем! Мы сидели прикалывались в новой лодке того чувака. Картман подбил меня, и я врезался в Бобруйскую плотину.
00:11:54,451 --> 00:11:56,861 Чел, ты должен всем рассказать. Немедленно.
00:11:58,591 --> 00:11:59,471 Эй, Стен.
00:12:02,521 --> 00:12:04,621 Твою мать ты рассказал Кайлу, да?!
00:12:04,621 --> 00:12:08,981 Стен, люди в Бобруйске все еще не могут выбраться. Никто не может им помочь, потому что все думают, что на улицу нельзя выходить!
00:12:08,981 --> 00:12:14,951 Ну вот, видишь? Я же тебе говорил! Если тебя это так заботит, Кайл, почему бы тебе не поделиться своим жидовским золотом с теми людьми?
00:12:14,951 --> 00:12:18,351 Слушайте, может...может мы сами сможем помочь тем людям в Бобруйске?
00:12:18,351 --> 00:12:19,021 Как?
00:12:19,021 --> 00:12:19,991 Зачем?
00:12:19,991 --> 00:12:20,041 Мы можем незаметно улизнуть, взять лодку и помочь им выбраться оттуда. Зачем?
00:12:20,041 --> 00:12:23,161 Мы можем незаметно улизнуть, взять лодку и помочь им выбраться оттуда.
00:12:23,161 --> 00:12:26,791 Таким образом, я смогу сделать доброе дело, и при этом всех обмануть.
00:12:27,671 --> 00:12:31,611 Слушайте, слушайте все! Никто не покинет это здание!
00:12:31,681 --> 00:12:35,121 Но, нам нужны припасы, еда, силикон!
00:12:35,121 --> 00:12:37,151 Выйдешь на улицу - и ты труп!
00:12:37,151 --> 00:12:42,401 В настоящий момент, глобальное потепление кардинально изменило климат. Наступил новый Ледниковый Период.
00:12:42,401 --> 00:12:47,331 В течение часа, температура снаружи упадет до отметки в 70 миллионов градусов ниже нуля.
00:12:49,611 --> 00:12:50,441 Боже...
00:12:50,441 --> 00:12:53,831 Все, что мы можем, - оставаться внутри, настолько долго, насколько это возможно.
00:12:53,831 --> 00:12:55,761 А оставшаяся часть страны?
00:12:57,781 --> 00:13:01,201 Все, кто ниже этой черты, должны эвакуироваться на юг.
00:13:01,201 --> 00:13:04,311 Те, кто выше этой линии...Они уже мертвы.
00:13:04,621 --> 00:13:08,001 Люди, которые, как и мы, находятся в центре, должны выбираться отсюда.
00:13:08,001 --> 00:13:14,511 У юго-западных штатов еще есть шанс, но Нью-Йорк захлестнут цунами, окутав весь северо-восток.
00:13:23,721 --> 00:13:25,241 Что, Френк?
00:13:30,241 --> 00:13:31,691 Оа..а..твою мать!...
00:13:32,731 --> 00:13:36,891 Добро Пожаловать в Бобруйск! Здесь находится самая большая бобровая плотина в мире.
00:13:38,331 --> 00:13:41,751 Э-эй? Кто-нибудь?
00:13:43,271 --> 00:13:45,801 Не могли бы вы нас спасти...пожалуйста?
00:13:47,611 --> 00:13:49,091 Если не трудно, конечно.
00:13:49,621 --> 00:13:51,211 Почему никого нет?
00:13:51,721 --> 00:13:54,211 Я...я не знаю!
00:13:54,211 --> 00:13:56,791 Смотрите, лодка!
00:13:56,791 --> 00:13:58,861 Правда? Как раз вовремя!
00:13:58,861 --> 00:14:00,911 О, Кевин! Мы спасены!
00:14:00,911 --> 00:14:03,461 Похоже это....три маленьких мальчика!
00:14:03,461 --> 00:14:07,561 Эй! Мы здесь! Сюда! Спасибо! Спасибо!
00:14:23,451 --> 00:14:26,831 Оу, спасибо, спасибо! Так гораздо лучше!
00:14:28,651 --> 00:14:30,731 Нам не выбраться! Огонь слишком сильный!
00:14:31,511 --> 00:14:34,751 Ну, здорово! Видишь, Стен? Вот что бывает, когда слушаешься Кайла!
00:14:34,751 --> 00:14:38,501 "Ой, ты должен помочь этим людям! Это твоя обязанность."
00:14:38,921 --> 00:14:42,501 Стен, все кончено. Ты должен во всем признаться, чтобы наши родители смогли нам помочь!
00:14:48,571 --> 00:14:50,301 Стен?? Стен!!
00:14:50,831 --> 00:14:53,621 Рэнди! Мы везде посмотрели! Кайл тоже пропал!
00:14:53,621 --> 00:14:55,631 О боже! Куда они могли пойти?!
00:14:55,631 --> 00:14:58,041 Рэнди, Рэнди! Твой сын на проводе!
00:14:59,129 --> 00:14:59,829 Стeн??
00:15:00,519 --> 00:15:01,449 Эм..привет, пап!
00:15:01,959 --> 00:15:03,419 Стен, ты жив!
00:15:03,419 --> 00:15:06,809 Папа, мы застряли в Бобруйске. Мы..мы пытаемся спасти всех!
00:15:07,079 --> 00:15:11,109 Стен, послушай меня! Ты должен оставаться внутри! Не пытайся выходить наружу!
00:15:11,109 --> 00:15:13,279 Глобальное потепление вызвало новый Ледниковый Период!
00:15:13,279 --> 00:15:16,239 Нет, пап, послушай. Я должен тебе кое-что сказать.
00:15:16,239 --> 00:15:17,509 Что, сынок?
00:15:20,942 --> 00:15:24,232 Ничего. Пожалуйста, забери нас отсюда.
00:15:24,622 --> 00:15:30,262 Держись, сынок! Я иду за тобой! Слышишь?? Я иду за тобой!!
00:15:32,579 --> 00:15:34,259 Рэнди, куда ты?
00:15:34,259 --> 00:15:35,259 Я отправляюсь в Бобруйск!
00:15:35,739 --> 00:15:38,369 Но ты не можешь уйти! Ты замерзнешь насмерть!
00:15:38,369 --> 00:15:40,209 Мой сын верит в меня!
00:15:40,209 --> 00:15:41,309 Я пойду с тобой!
00:15:41,309 --> 00:15:43,349 Ты не можешь пойти! Ты замерзнешь насмерть!
00:15:43,349 --> 00:15:44,649 Ты не можешь уйти один!
00:15:44,649 --> 00:15:45,989 Я тоже пойду с вами!
00:15:45,989 --> 00:15:48,329 Ты не можешь уйти. Ты замерзнешь насмерть.
00:15:48,659 --> 00:15:52,829 Ладно, пошли, вы оба! Надо одеть всю теплую одежду, какую сможем найти!
00:16:10,649 --> 00:16:11,669 Стивен!
00:16:13,679 --> 00:16:15,389 Стивен, надо продолжать двигаться!
00:16:15,739 --> 00:16:20,829 Я не могу идти! Мне так...жарко.
00:16:20,829 --> 00:16:24,609 Чувство жары - это симптом последней стадии переохлаждения!
00:16:24,609 --> 00:16:28,309 О Боже! Мне тоже жарко!
00:16:28,309 --> 00:16:29,939 Да, мне тоже.
00:16:30,449 --> 00:16:35,399 Стивен! Мы должны продолжать двигаться! У нас у всех сильное переохлаждение!
00:16:35,399 --> 00:16:37,389 Мы должны восстановать кровообращение!
00:16:38,499 --> 00:16:43,819 Может мы должны...снять всю эту одежду и согреть наши тела, прижавшись друг другу!
00:16:45,099 --> 00:16:46,679 Не будь пидором!
00:16:47,549 --> 00:16:51,329 Давайте! Мы можем сделать это! Надо пытаться!
00:16:56,199 --> 00:17:01,499 Давайте, у нас мало времени! Нам нужны все армейские вертолеты для эвакуации Южных штатов! Сейчас же!
00:17:01,499 --> 00:17:07,119 Сэр! Снова звонят бобруйчане! Они говорят, что кругом вода. И Теперь она горит.
00:17:07,119 --> 00:17:10,099 Ответьте, что правительство не может им помочь, но нам очень жаль.
00:17:10,099 --> 00:17:13,799 Вы знаете план. Мы можем эвакуировать людей ниже это линии.
00:17:14,149 --> 00:17:15,559 Извините, генерал?
00:17:15,559 --> 00:17:16,139 Что??
00:17:16,139 --> 00:17:21,589 Мы только что получили новые сведения. Дело в том, что наводнение в Бобруйске на самом деле не было вызвано глобальным потеплением.
00:17:21,589 --> 00:17:22,159 Что?
00:17:22,159 --> 00:17:25,109 Теперь мы знаем правду. Мы знаем что именно случилось.
00:17:27,029 --> 00:17:31,299 О Боже. Быстро! Свяжитесь с вертолетами!
00:17:37,204 --> 00:17:39,334 Помогите! Помогите!
00:17:40,791 --> 00:17:42,851 Черт, здание сейчас рухнет!
00:17:42,851 --> 00:17:44,011 Нам надо выбираться отсюда!
00:17:50,861 --> 00:17:53,901 Не волнуйтесь. Правительство спасет вас.
00:17:55,631 --> 00:17:59,821 Оу, уау! Спасибо вам большое! Чрезвычайно оперативно!
00:17:59,821 --> 00:17:59,991 Ну же! Мы должны выбраться на крышу! Оу, уау! Спасибо вам большое! Чрезвычайно оперативно!
00:17:59,991 --> 00:18:01,271 Ну же! Мы должны выбраться на крышу!
00:18:01,861 --> 00:18:03,371 О, господи! Надо торопиться!
00:18:05,231 --> 00:18:07,521 Это вертолеты! Они наконец-то прилетели нас спасать!
00:18:08,735 --> 00:18:10,195 Не так быстро, Кайл!
00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:12,275 Что ты делаешь?
00:18:12,995 --> 00:18:13,765 Давай сюда золото!
00:18:15,655 --> 00:18:16,595 Какое еще золото?
00:18:16,865 --> 00:18:18,125 Ты знаешь, о чем я.
00:18:18,955 --> 00:18:21,235 Нет, Картман! Я понятия не имею, о чем ты!
00:18:21,515 --> 00:18:25,465 Все евреи носят золото в маленьких мешочках вокруг шеи. Давай его сюда!
00:18:25,655 --> 00:18:26,585 Чуваки, пошли!
00:18:27,035 --> 00:18:30,405 Евреи не носят золото в маленьких мешочках вокруг шеи, Картман! Хватит шутить!
00:18:30,405 --> 00:18:36,135 Я не шучу, Кайл! Если мы выживем, я не собираюсь жить в нищете! Выкладывай свое жидовское золото!
00:18:37,435 --> 00:18:39,845 Чел, у нас нет времени на твои дурацкие шутки! Мы можем умереть!
00:18:39,845 --> 00:18:43,215 Да, но ты можешь выжить, если отдашь мне свое жидовское золото! Выбор за тобой, Кайл!
00:18:43,215 --> 00:18:47,305 Твою мать, ты ЗНАЕШЬ, что я не ношу золото в маленьком мешочке вокруг моей шеи, Картман! Чего тебя от меня нужно?!
00:18:47,305 --> 00:18:49,795 Мне нужно....Твое Жидовское Золото!
00:18:55,073 --> 00:18:57,903 Ладно, прекрасно! На! Теперь пошли!
00:18:59,713 --> 00:19:04,713 Ты держишь меня за идиота? Я знаю, что все евреи носят поддельные мешочки с золотом вокруг шеи, чтобы сохранить настоящие мешочки с золотом.
00:19:04,713 --> 00:19:06,613 Давай сюда настоящее Жидовское Золото, Кайл!
00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:17,623 НЕЕЕТ!!
00:19:24,333 --> 00:19:26,943 Эй! Подождите меня, гавнюки, блин!
00:19:31,223 --> 00:19:34,173 Эй смотрите, это вертолеты!
00:19:36,013 --> 00:19:37,943 У них мальчики!
00:19:37,943 --> 00:19:39,563 Глобальное потепление кончилось!
00:19:39,813 --> 00:19:40,793 Мы сделали это!
00:19:48,013 --> 00:19:49,123 Стенли!
00:19:49,123 --> 00:19:49,183 Кайл! Стенли!
00:19:49,183 --> 00:19:50,203 Кайл!
00:19:52,673 --> 00:19:53,873 Стен!!?
00:19:54,053 --> 00:19:55,873 Мы нашли Стена..
00:19:57,293 --> 00:20:00,743 Так это значит, что буря прошла? Глобальное потепление кончилось?
00:20:00,743 --> 00:20:07,043 Это не глобальное потепление вызвало затопление Бобруйска. Но теперь мы знаем, кто за этим стоит.
00:20:07,043 --> 00:20:09,463 Это были...ЛЮДИ-КРАБЫ.
00:20:16,073 --> 00:20:17,473 Хватит, хватит!
00:20:17,473 --> 00:20:23,413 Сначала террористы, потом Джордж Буш и Глобальное Потепление, а теперь вы вините Людей-крабов, хотя на самом деле все очень просто.
00:20:23,413 --> 00:20:24,413 Это моя вина!
00:20:24,413 --> 00:20:26,613 Это Я сломал плотину!
00:20:29,313 --> 00:20:30,963 Ну блииин....
00:20:32,633 --> 00:20:35,313 Стенли. Ты?
00:20:35,313 --> 00:20:45,343 Нет. Разве вы не видите, что пытается сказать это дитя? Мы не можем сваливать всю вину на кого-то другого, когда происходит что-то плохое. Он пытается сказать...Мы все сломали плотину.
00:20:45,913 --> 00:20:47,363 Нет. Это я сломал плотину.
00:20:47,963 --> 00:20:49,773 Я сломала плотину.
00:20:51,253 --> 00:20:52,853 Я сломал плотину.
00:20:53,213 --> 00:20:53,853 Я сломал плотину.
00:20:55,043 --> 00:20:55,903 Нет, я сломал плотину.
00:20:55,903 --> 00:20:56,053 И я сломала плотину. Нет, я сломал плотину.
00:20:56,053 --> 00:20:57,373 И я сломала плотину.
00:20:57,463 --> 00:20:58,953 Я сломал плотину.
00:20:58,953 --> 00:21:00,463 Хе..Я сломал плотину!
00:21:01,323 --> 00:21:03,033 Я сломал плотину.
00:21:03,383 --> 00:21:04,463 Я сломала плотину.
00:21:04,683 --> 00:21:08,083 Я сломал плотину. Я врезался в нее на лодке и сломал ее!
00:21:08,083 --> 00:21:09,083 Я сломал плотину.
00:21:09,303 --> 00:21:10,093 Я сломал плотину.

00:00:08,968 --> 00:00:12,430 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
00:00:12,555 --> 00:00:14,098 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:15,683 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:15,808 --> 00:00:18,894 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:20,604 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,730 --> 00:00:22,481 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
00:00:22,606 --> 00:00:25,484 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:25,609 --> 00:00:28,988 Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
00:00:29,113 --> 00:00:33,284 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
00:00:34,285 --> 00:00:37,747 [ Imitating engines revving ]
00:00:41,792 --> 00:00:44,253 Puh-pew! Puh-pew-pew-pew-pew!
00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:45,421 Dude, you were right, Cartman.
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:47,214 Your Uncle Roy has a sweet boat.
00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:48,632 Yeah. Isn't this fun?
00:00:48,758 --> 00:00:50,092 Just you and me hanging out, Stan.
00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:51,761 No stupid Kyle around.
00:00:51,886 --> 00:00:53,929 Man, I wish I could really drive this thing.
00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:55,848 - You know how? - Sure, I do.
00:00:55,973 --> 00:00:56,932 Well, here.
00:00:57,058 --> 00:00:59,560 Roy keeps the keys in the glove box.
00:00:59,685 --> 00:01:01,937 Dude, I don't think your uncle would want us driving it.
00:01:02,063 --> 00:01:04,648 Nobody's gonna know if we drive it around the marina real quick.
00:01:04,774 --> 00:01:07,276 If anything happens, I'll take full responsibility.
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:09,403 [ Water splashing ]
00:01:11,197 --> 00:01:12,823 Okay. Turn on the ignition.
00:01:12,948 --> 00:01:14,784 [ Engine starts ]
00:01:14,909 --> 00:01:15,993 Awesome.
00:01:16,118 --> 00:01:17,203 Okay.
00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:21,165 [ Engine revs ]
00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:22,416 We're not moving.
00:01:26,378 --> 00:01:28,380 Maybe you have the parking brake on!
00:01:28,506 --> 00:01:30,049 Boats don't have parking brakes, dumb-ass.
00:01:30,174 --> 00:01:31,175 They only have...
00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:32,760 Oh, wait, wait. Neutral button.
00:01:32,885 --> 00:01:35,679 [ Engine revving ]
00:01:35,805 --> 00:01:37,181 - Aah! - Aah!
00:01:37,306 --> 00:01:38,974 Other way! Other way!
00:01:42,937 --> 00:01:43,979 - Aah! - Aah!
00:01:45,106 --> 00:01:46,398 - BI-bl-bl-bl! - BI-bl-bl-bl!
00:01:46,524 --> 00:01:47,775 Jesus Christ!
00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:50,402 Stan! Beaver dam!
00:01:51,654 --> 00:01:53,864 Very large beaver dam, Stan!
00:01:53,989 --> 00:01:54,865 Aah!
00:01:54,990 --> 00:01:57,368 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:02:03,249 --> 00:02:05,376 [ Grunting ]
00:02:10,923 --> 00:02:12,925 [ Explosion ]
00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:16,095 Oh, dude. Oh, Jesus!
00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:20,015 Dude. Stan. You are in serious trouble.
00:02:20,516 --> 00:02:22,017 You said <i>you'd</i> take responsibility
00:02:22,143 --> 00:02:23,018 to your Uncle Roy.
00:02:23,144 --> 00:02:24,520 I don't even <i>have</i> an Uncle Roy!
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:26,355 That was just some guy's boat I knew about.
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:27,857 - What?! - Look. It's okay.
00:02:27,982 --> 00:02:29,859 We weren't here. This didn't happen, okay?
00:02:29,984 --> 00:02:32,069 We were both at my house all afternoon long
00:02:32,194 --> 00:02:33,404 playing tea party, okay?
00:02:33,529 --> 00:02:35,072 Now, come on! We got to bail!
00:02:35,197 --> 00:02:36,240 Oh, God.
00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:38,033 I hope I didn't hurt any beavers.
00:02:38,159 --> 00:02:40,035 Dude, come on! We got to get out of here!
00:02:40,161 --> 00:02:42,371 [ Birds chirping ]
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,456 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:02:44,582 --> 00:02:47,376 MAN: With an eye on America and all of today's events,
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:51,463 it's "South Park Evening News," with Tom Pusslicker.
00:02:51,589 --> 00:02:53,757 Peril, crisis, and fear tonight
00:02:53,883 --> 00:02:56,135 as what appears to be a massive flood
00:02:56,260 --> 00:02:59,889 has overtaken the town of Beaverton, Colorado,
00:03:00,014 --> 00:03:02,683 home of the world's largest beaver dam.
00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:05,186 Earlier today a break in the beaver dam
00:03:05,311 --> 00:03:07,313 which protected the town broke open,
00:03:07,438 --> 00:03:10,524 trapping people in their houses and destroying their lives.
00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:13,277 Oh, my gosh. Those poor people.
00:03:13,402 --> 00:03:16,614 Tom, I'm currently 10 miles outside of Beaverton,
00:03:16,739 --> 00:03:18,699 unable to get inside the town proper.
00:03:18,824 --> 00:03:21,327 We do not have any reports of fatalities yet,
00:03:21,452 --> 00:03:22,912 but we believe that the death toll
00:03:23,037 --> 00:03:25,414 may be in the hundreds of millions.
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:28,834 Beaverton has only a population of about 8,000, Tom,
00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:30,628 so this would be quite devastating.
00:03:30,753 --> 00:03:33,505 TOM: Any word on how the survivors in the town are doing?
00:03:34,215 --> 00:03:36,550 W-We're not sure what exactly is going on
00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,177 inside the town of Beaverton, uh, Tom,
00:03:38,302 --> 00:03:40,846 but we're reporting that there's looting, raping,
00:03:40,971 --> 00:03:43,349 and, yes, even acts of cannibalism.
00:03:43,474 --> 00:03:45,434 My God. You've -- You've actually seen people
00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:47,353 looting, raping, and eating each other?
00:03:47,937 --> 00:03:49,980 No. No, we haven't actually seen it, Tom.
00:03:50,105 --> 00:03:51,982 We're just reporting it.
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:54,151 You all done with your fish sticks, Stan?
00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:55,986 I'll help you, Sharon.
00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:57,780 Boy, that's just awful.
00:03:57,905 --> 00:04:00,032 TOM: In the nearby town of South Park,
00:04:00,157 --> 00:04:02,910 the cause of the Beaverton flood is being investigated.
00:04:03,035 --> 00:04:05,663 That's right. We know whose fault this is.
00:04:05,788 --> 00:04:06,997 Uh-oh.
00:04:07,122 --> 00:04:08,666 It's George Bush's fault!
00:04:08,791 --> 00:04:09,583 Yeah!
00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:11,919 George Bush doesn't care about beavers!
00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:14,630 George Bush didn't break that beaver dam.
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:16,757 It was terrorists and al-Qaeda!
00:04:16,882 --> 00:04:20,970 They've been secretly building beaver-dam WMDs for years now!
00:04:21,095 --> 00:04:23,889 - Yeah! That's right! - Beaver dam WMDs!
00:04:26,684 --> 00:04:28,060 Mom? Dad?
00:04:28,185 --> 00:04:30,771 T-They're gonna go help those people, right?
00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:31,855 I don't know.
00:04:31,981 --> 00:04:34,024 You know, to me, it seems like the mayor of Beaverton
00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:36,151 should have done something about that dam years ago.
00:04:36,277 --> 00:04:38,570 Don't blame the mayor, Sharon. What about FEMA?
00:04:38,696 --> 00:04:41,824 I think this whole thing is really their fault.
00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:45,035 Yeah, but, uh, s-somebody's gonna help the people
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,745 off their -- their rooftops, right?
00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:48,455 That's not important right now, son.
00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:52,293 What's important is figuring out whose fault this is.
00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:55,879 [ Bell rings ]
00:05:00,259 --> 00:05:03,053 Dude -- Dude, did you see the news last night?
00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:04,179 Yeah.
00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:06,307 You saw all those people trapped on their roofs?
00:05:06,432 --> 00:05:08,642 Yeah. That was pretty funny.
00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:11,812 Pretty funny?! Dude, <i>we</i> did that!
00:05:11,937 --> 00:05:13,147 That was <i>our</i> fault!
00:05:13,272 --> 00:05:14,189 Hey, hey. No, dog.
00:05:14,315 --> 00:05:16,150 We aren't the ones who built a town
00:05:16,275 --> 00:05:18,068 beneath a giant beaver dam, okay?
00:05:18,193 --> 00:05:19,236 That's <i>their</i> fault!
00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:21,405 But they're trapped now, and nobody's helping them.
00:05:21,530 --> 00:05:23,282 Well, they should have gotten out of there.
00:05:23,407 --> 00:05:25,409 Maybe they couldn't get out.
00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:27,077 We did.
00:05:27,202 --> 00:05:29,997 Dude, I-I just -- I don't know what to do here.
00:05:30,122 --> 00:05:31,957 I-I know what you're thinking, Stan.
00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:33,751 You're thinking you're gonna go tell Kyle.
00:05:33,876 --> 00:05:35,627 Look, I know you think he's your best friend,
00:05:35,753 --> 00:05:37,046 but Kyle is a Jew rat.
00:05:37,171 --> 00:05:39,506 He has his Jew ethics, while he hoards his greedy Jew gold,
00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:41,759 and he will Jew you out if you tell him about this!
00:05:41,884 --> 00:05:43,802 - Hey, dudes. - Oh. Hey, Kyle.
00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:45,596 Sorry I couldn't make it yesterday.
00:05:45,721 --> 00:05:47,514 What did you guys do?
00:05:48,432 --> 00:05:49,641 Nothing.
00:05:49,767 --> 00:05:51,852 [ Chuckles ] Totally.
00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:53,562 Hey, everybody, they just found out
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,397 what caused the flood in Beaverton!
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,983 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:05:58,108 --> 00:05:59,401 Aw, crap!
00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:02,196 Quiet, children. Quiet. We need to hear.
00:06:02,321 --> 00:06:05,282 TOM: At first, nobody knew what caused the dam to break.
00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:08,410 But now shocking new evidence has indicated
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:11,163 that the flood in Beaverton was caused by...
00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:13,207 global warming!
00:06:13,332 --> 00:06:14,958 [All gasp ]
00:06:15,084 --> 00:06:20,589 It now appears that all rumors of global warming were true.
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:23,509 We were warned this would happen, and...
00:06:23,634 --> 00:06:25,469 we didn't listen.
00:06:25,594 --> 00:06:27,471 We didn't listen!
00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:31,517 All the top Colorado geologists have gathered
00:06:31,642 --> 00:06:34,311 at the governor's office for an emergency meeting.
00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:37,731 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
00:06:37,856 --> 00:06:41,110 Ladies and gentlemen, if global warming has, in fact,
00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:43,487 already caused the Beaverton flood,
00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:45,656 then this is only the beginning.
00:06:45,781 --> 00:06:47,950 The effects are going to spread.
00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:50,702 What we are looking at is a global-warming catastrophe
00:06:50,828 --> 00:06:52,746 the likes of which we've never seen.
00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:53,997 - Oh, peas and carrots! - Peas and carrots!
00:06:54,123 --> 00:06:55,624 - Peas and carrots! - Peas and carrots!
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:56,792 - Peas and carrots! - Peas and carrots!
00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:59,711 E-Excuse me, sir, but when?
00:06:59,837 --> 00:07:01,255 When is this going to happen?
00:07:01,380 --> 00:07:03,215 My colleagues in the scientific community
00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:06,969 are still running tests, but we believe it may happen...
00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:09,638 the day after tomorrow.
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:10,848 Oh! Peas and carrots!
00:07:10,973 --> 00:07:12,933 - Peas and carrots! - Peas and carrots!
00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:14,351 Uh, excuse me.
00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:16,186 I'm sure we're all very impressed
00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:19,314 with your wild theories, Dr., uh, Marsh.
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,650 But the fact is no statistical proof
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:24,736 has ever been confirmed that global warming exists.
00:07:24,862 --> 00:07:27,865 Are you suggesting we shut down the economy?
00:07:28,449 --> 00:07:31,827 With all due respect, cliché dissenting Republican,
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:36,373 the economy isn't going to matter the day after tomorrow.
00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:37,624 - Peas and carrots! - Peas and carrots!
00:07:37,749 --> 00:07:39,251 - Peas and carrots! - Peas and carrots!
00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:41,420 Listen! Listen!
00:07:41,545 --> 00:07:43,839 We finished running the tests.
00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,799 Global warming is going to strike
00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:49,678 two days before the day after tomorrow.
00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:52,681 Oh, my God.
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,224 That's today!
00:07:55,893 --> 00:07:58,061 [All screaming ]
00:08:02,357 --> 00:08:04,109 [All screaming ]
00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:10,115 [All screaming ]
00:08:11,074 --> 00:08:13,035 We didn't listen!
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,913 Stan! Get in the car! We have to evacuate!
00:08:16,038 --> 00:08:18,665 We didn't listen!
00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:21,293 [ Horns honking, indistinct shouting ]
00:08:23,879 --> 00:08:25,214 [ Horn honks ]
00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:26,590 Come on. Come on!
00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:28,842 It's useless. This traffic isn't moving.
00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:30,093 Dad, isn't it possible
00:08:30,219 --> 00:08:32,471 the flood wasn't caused by global warming?
00:08:32,596 --> 00:08:34,264 I-I mean, the water <i>was</i> held back
00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:36,433 by a giant beaver dam, after all.
00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:39,311 No, Stan, I'm afraid us adults just let you children down.
00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:40,562 We didn't take care of our earth,
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,439 and now you've inherited our problems!
00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:43,857 MAN: We didn't listen!
00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:45,484 We -- We didn't listen!
00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:46,485 Come on!
00:08:46,610 --> 00:08:48,320 Everyone grab what you can. We have to walk.
00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:51,073 [ Crowd shouting ]
00:08:54,660 --> 00:08:56,912 Oh, Jesus! Here it comes!
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,288 Global warming!
00:08:58,413 --> 00:08:59,414 [All screaming ]
00:08:59,540 --> 00:09:02,125 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:09:09,424 --> 00:09:12,135 MAN: It's coming! Here comes global warming!
00:09:12,261 --> 00:09:13,971 We didn't listen!
00:09:14,096 --> 00:09:16,306 [ Music continues ]
00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:24,439 Oh! Oh!
00:09:24,565 --> 00:09:25,816 BI-bl-bl-bl!
00:09:25,941 --> 00:09:28,402 BI-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl!
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,321 Come on! Hurry!
00:09:31,446 --> 00:09:32,990 [All screaming ]
00:09:33,115 --> 00:09:34,783 MAN: It's right behind us!
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:36,994 [ Music continues ]
00:09:37,953 --> 00:09:39,288 [ Screaming continues ]
00:09:39,413 --> 00:09:41,456 MAN: It's coming the other way!
00:09:42,874 --> 00:09:45,335 Go back! Go back!
00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:48,046 Everyone into the community center! Hurry! Go!
00:09:48,171 --> 00:09:50,048 Get inside! We have to close these doors!
00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:53,093 [ Music continues ]
00:09:58,390 --> 00:09:59,474 Aah!
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:01,143 [ Doors lock ]
00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:05,230 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:07,983 Come on. We've got to board up that last window!
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,401 Seal up all the doorways!
00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:12,237 We must try to protect ourselves from the global warming!
00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:14,698 Mr. Garrison, are you all right?
00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:16,158 I'm in pretty bad shape.
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:20,495 My leg is broken, and my left boob is leaking.
00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:22,122 Here you go, sweetheart.
00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:24,333 Mom, you know, those people in Beaverton
00:10:24,458 --> 00:10:25,667 are still trapped in the flood.
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:26,668 I know.
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:29,129 But I'm afraid it's too late for them, sweetie.
00:10:29,254 --> 00:10:31,131 We have to try and save ourselves now.
00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:34,051 Shh! Shh! We've got the television working.
00:10:34,176 --> 00:10:38,847 MAN: This is a Fox News update! Global Warming Disaster!
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:41,933 Global warming appears to have struck, as predicted,
00:10:42,059 --> 00:10:43,393 in the Colorado Rockies.
00:10:43,518 --> 00:10:46,688 All around the country, panic and chaos are settling in.
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:49,566 Tom, I'm standing just outside of Chicago,
00:10:49,691 --> 00:10:50,984 where the panic of global warming
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:52,903 has already caused countless deaths.
00:10:53,028 --> 00:10:55,864 Already we're reporting that the death toll here in Chicago
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:58,283 is over 600 billion people.
00:10:58,408 --> 00:10:59,576 [ Insects chirping ]
00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:02,204 - [ Dramatic music plays ] - Oh, God.
00:11:02,788 --> 00:11:04,623 This is all your fault, Jimbo!
00:11:05,207 --> 00:11:06,458 - Me? - Yeah!
00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:08,502 You drive that damn S.U.V. around!
00:11:08,627 --> 00:11:10,837 You didn't even think about global warming, did you?!
00:11:11,755 --> 00:11:13,090 Can you believe it, Stan?
00:11:13,215 --> 00:11:15,842 I never thought global warming could happen so fast.
00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:18,887 I guess...I didn't listen.
00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:23,308 Kyle, it... it isn't global warming.
00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:24,518 Huh?
00:11:24,643 --> 00:11:26,311 Global warming isn't happening right now.
00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:29,189 It's -- It's not what caused the Beaverton flood.
00:11:29,314 --> 00:11:30,649 How do you know that?
00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:33,777 Because I know what <i>did</i> cause the flood.
00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:36,655 - George Bush? - No.
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,490 - Terrorists? - No.
00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:39,741 - Communists? - No.
00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:41,618 - Chinese radicals? - No.
00:11:41,743 --> 00:11:43,203 Cartman?
00:11:43,328 --> 00:11:44,246 Sort of.
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:45,956 - Cartman flooded Beaverton?! - Shh!
00:11:46,081 --> 00:11:47,332 Not -- Not exactly.
00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:49,126 We were messing around on this guy's new boat,
00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:50,585 and Cartman egged me on, and --
00:11:50,711 --> 00:11:53,797 and I crashed it into the Beaverton dam.
00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:56,758 Dude, you have to tell everyone right now!
00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,553 Hey, Stan.
00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:03,765 Oh, God damn it! You told Kyle, didn't you?!
00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:05,892 Stan, people in Beaverton are still trapped on their roofs.
00:12:06,017 --> 00:12:08,145 Nobody's helping because they think they can't go outside.
00:12:08,270 --> 00:12:09,688 Oh, here we go. See? I told you.
00:12:09,813 --> 00:12:11,273 If you're so caring, Kyle,
00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:12,858 why don't you share some of your Jew gold
00:12:12,983 --> 00:12:14,151 with the people caught in the flood?
00:12:14,276 --> 00:12:15,944 Look, maybe -- maybe we can help
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,779 those people in Beaverton ourselves.
00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:19,197 - How? - Why?
00:12:19,322 --> 00:12:20,991 We can sneak out of here, get a boat,
00:12:21,116 --> 00:12:22,409 and go help them off their roofs.
00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:26,663 That way I can do the right thing, but still lie about it.
00:12:26,788 --> 00:12:28,498 Listen! Listen, everyone!
00:12:28,623 --> 00:12:30,917 Nobody can leave this building.
00:12:31,042 --> 00:12:34,421 But we need supplies -- food, silicone.
00:12:34,546 --> 00:12:36,715 You go outside, and you'll die.
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:39,801 By now the global warming has shifted the climate,
00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:41,428 bringing on a new ice age.
00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:43,221 Within the hour, the temperature outside
00:12:43,346 --> 00:12:47,225 will fall to over 70 million degrees below zero.
00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:49,561 Jesus.
00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:53,023 All we can do is try to wait it out as long as we can.
00:12:53,148 --> 00:12:54,983 And...the rest of the country?
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,068 [ Sighs ]
00:12:57,194 --> 00:12:58,653 Everyone below this line
00:12:58,779 --> 00:13:00,405 will have to be evacuated to the South.
00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:04,284 Everyone above this line is already dead.
00:13:04,409 --> 00:13:06,077 People like us, in the middle states,
00:13:06,203 --> 00:13:07,412 have to ride it out.
00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:09,581 The balmy Southwestern states might have a chance,
00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:11,541 but New York will have tidal waves
00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:14,252 that envelop all of the Northeast.
00:13:20,550 --> 00:13:22,302 [ Snorts ]
00:13:23,220 --> 00:13:25,138 What, Frank?
00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:28,308 [ Snorts ]
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:31,812 Oh! Oh, God damn it.
00:13:31,937 --> 00:13:34,731 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:13:37,609 --> 00:13:39,361 Hello?
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:41,446 Anybody?
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:44,825 We'd like to be rescued, please!
00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:48,286 Any day now.
00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:50,330 Why haven't they come for us?!
00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:53,083 I-I don't know.
00:13:53,208 --> 00:13:55,877 Wait! Look! Here comes a boat!
00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:58,088 Really? Oh, it's about time!
00:13:58,213 --> 00:14:00,090 Oh, Kevin! We're saved!
00:14:00,215 --> 00:14:02,509 It looks like three little boys.
00:14:02,634 --> 00:14:04,928 Hey, we'll take it! Over here! Yes!
00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:07,389 Thank you! Thank you!
00:14:08,557 --> 00:14:11,142 [ Engine roaring, boys screaming ]
00:14:11,268 --> 00:14:13,812 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:24,573 Oh, thanks. Thanks.
00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:26,032 That's a <i>lot</i> better.
00:14:27,784 --> 00:14:29,911 We can't get out! The flames are too big!
00:14:30,579 --> 00:14:32,247 Oh, great. You see, Stan?
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:34,457 This is what you get for listening to Kyle.
00:14:34,583 --> 00:14:36,001 "Oh, you got to help those people.
00:14:36,126 --> 00:14:38,003 It's your responsibility."
00:14:38,128 --> 00:14:39,212 Stan, it's over.
00:14:39,337 --> 00:14:42,382 You have to admit what you did so our parents can help us.
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:48,555 Stan?
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,098 Stan?!
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,726 Randy, we've looked everywhere! Kyle's missing, too!
00:14:52,851 --> 00:14:54,978 Oh, my God! Where would they go?
00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:57,522 Randy! Randy! Your son's on the phone.
00:14:58,899 --> 00:14:59,900 Stan?
00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:01,693 Uh, hey, Dad.
00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:03,111 Stan, you're alive!
00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:04,988 Dad, we're -- we're trapped in Beaverton.
00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:06,865 We -- We were trying to save everyone.
00:15:06,990 --> 00:15:09,451 Stan, listen to me. You must stay indoors.
00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:10,660 Do not try to go out.
00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:13,246 Global warming has brought in a new ice age!
00:15:13,371 --> 00:15:16,041 No. Dad, listen. I need to tell you something.
00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:18,043 [ Voice breaking ] What is it, son?
00:15:20,378 --> 00:15:21,254 Nothing.
00:15:21,379 --> 00:15:22,923 Can you just come get us, please?
00:15:23,048 --> 00:15:26,051 You just stay put, son! I'm coming for you!
00:15:26,176 --> 00:15:28,762 Do you hear me?! I'm coming for you!
00:15:28,887 --> 00:15:30,847 [ Groans ]
00:15:32,057 --> 00:15:33,767 Randy, w-where are you going?
00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:35,268 I'm going to Beaverton.
00:15:35,393 --> 00:15:37,771 You can't go out there. You'll freeze to death!
00:15:37,896 --> 00:15:39,564 My son is counting on me.
00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:40,815 I'm going with you.
00:15:40,941 --> 00:15:42,692 You can't go out there. You'll freeze to death!
00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:44,110 You can't do this alone!
00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:45,278 Let me go, too.
00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:48,239 You can't go out there. You'll freeze to death.
00:15:48,365 --> 00:15:49,532 All right. Come on, both of you.
00:15:49,658 --> 00:15:50,617 We've got to pull together
00:15:50,742 --> 00:15:53,411 every warm piece of clothing we can find.
00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:55,622 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:16:01,753 --> 00:16:03,797 [ Groaning ]
00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:08,134 [ Groans ]
00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:09,928 [ Groans ]
00:16:10,053 --> 00:16:11,471 Steven!
00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:13,139 [ Groaning ]
00:16:13,264 --> 00:16:15,100 Steven, you have to keep moving!
00:16:15,225 --> 00:16:17,060 I can't go on.
00:16:17,185 --> 00:16:20,146 Feel so...hot!
00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:24,192 Feeling warmth is a symptom of the last stages of hypothermia!
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:25,986 Oh, Jesus!
00:16:26,111 --> 00:16:28,113 I feel warm, too!
00:16:28,238 --> 00:16:29,447 Yeah, me too.
00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:32,367 Steven! We've got to keep moving!
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:34,828 We're in deep hypothermia, all of us!
00:16:34,953 --> 00:16:37,706 We've got to keep the blood flowing!
00:16:37,831 --> 00:16:40,500 Maybe we should strip these jackets off
00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:44,504 a-and warm our bodies next to each other!
00:16:44,629 --> 00:16:46,381 Don't be a fag!
00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:49,134 Come on! We can make it!
00:16:49,259 --> 00:16:51,302 We have to try!
00:16:52,554 --> 00:16:55,473 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:57,475 Come on, people. We're running out of time.
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:58,810 We need all Army helicopters
00:16:58,935 --> 00:17:00,812 to the Southern states for evacuation now!
00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:03,523 Sir, more people in Beaverton are calling.
00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:06,526 They say they're trapped in floods <i>and</i> fire now.
00:17:06,651 --> 00:17:08,319 Tell them that the government can't help them,
00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:09,487 but that we're very sorry.
00:17:09,612 --> 00:17:10,655 You know the plan, people.
00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:13,241 We can only evacuate citizens below this line.
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,493 - MAN: E-Excuse me, General. - What?!
00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:17,412 We've just compiled some new information.
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,247 The flood in Beaverton wasn't caused
00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:20,707 by global warming after all.
00:17:20,832 --> 00:17:21,541 What?
00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:25,003 We know the truth now. We know what caused it.
00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:28,173 Oh, my God.
00:17:28,298 --> 00:17:31,301 Quick! Radio the helicopters!
00:17:33,011 --> 00:17:35,263 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:17:37,098 --> 00:17:39,726 Help! Help!
00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:42,353 Dude, this whole building is going to collapse!
00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:44,689 We have to find a way out!
00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:48,109 [ Music continues ]
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:51,738 Don't worry, everyone.
00:17:51,863 --> 00:17:53,990 The government is here to save you.
00:17:55,492 --> 00:17:57,327 Oh, wow. Thank you so much.
00:17:57,452 --> 00:17:59,621 What a swift and speedy rescue.
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:01,372 Come on! We got to get to the roof!
00:18:01,498 --> 00:18:03,666 Oh, Jesus! We have to hurry!
00:18:04,918 --> 00:18:05,919 I-It's helicopters!
00:18:06,044 --> 00:18:07,629 They finally came to help everyone!
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:10,006 Not so fast, Kyle.
00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:12,300 - [ Dramatic music plays ] - What are you doing?
00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:14,010 Hand over the gold.
00:18:14,719 --> 00:18:16,429 What gold?!
00:18:16,554 --> 00:18:18,014 You know what I'm talking about!
00:18:18,139 --> 00:18:20,934 No, Cartman, I have no idea what you're talking about.
00:18:21,059 --> 00:18:23,895 All Jews carry gold in a little bag around their necks.
00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:26,064 - Hand it over! - Guys, come on!
00:18:26,189 --> 00:18:27,649 Jews do not carry gold in a little bag
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:28,983 around their necks, Cartman.
00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:30,110 Stop playing around!
00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:32,362 I'm not playing around, Kyle.
00:18:32,487 --> 00:18:34,239 If we survive this, I don't intend to live in poverty.
00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:35,573 Give me your Jew gold now!
00:18:35,698 --> 00:18:36,658 [ Rumbling ]
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:38,409 Dude, we don't have time for your stupid jokes.
00:18:38,535 --> 00:18:39,410 We're gonna die!
00:18:39,536 --> 00:18:41,412 Yes, but you can live if you give me your Jew gold.
00:18:41,538 --> 00:18:42,914 The decision is yours, Kyle.
00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:44,290 God damn it, you know I don't carry gold
00:18:44,415 --> 00:18:45,750 in a little bag around my neck, Cartman!
00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:46,835 What do you want from me?!
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:50,130 - I want your Jew gold. - [ Gun cocks ]
00:18:50,255 --> 00:18:52,132 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:56,761 Okay. Fine. Here!
00:18:56,886 --> 00:18:58,596 Now let's go!
00:18:58,721 --> 00:19:00,223 Do you think I'm stupid?
00:19:00,348 --> 00:19:02,559 I know all Jews carry fake bags of gold around their necks
00:19:02,684 --> 00:19:04,435 to keep the real bags of gold around their necks safe.
00:19:04,561 --> 00:19:06,771 Hand over the real Jew gold, Kyle!
00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:09,524 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:13,319 [ Laughs ]
00:19:15,238 --> 00:19:18,032 No! No-o-o!
00:19:23,997 --> 00:19:25,665 Hey! Wait up, you assholes!
00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:27,000 God!
00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:30,879 [ Helicopter blades whirring ]
00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:34,799 Hey! Look, everybody! Helicopters!
00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:37,385 T-They've got the boys!
00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:39,179 Global warming must be over.
00:19:39,304 --> 00:19:40,471 We made it!
00:19:40,597 --> 00:19:43,099 [All cheering ]
00:19:47,312 --> 00:19:48,646 Stanley!
00:19:48,771 --> 00:19:49,856 Kyle!
00:19:52,317 --> 00:19:53,484 [ Weakly ] Stan?
00:19:53,610 --> 00:19:55,361 We found Stan!
00:19:55,486 --> 00:19:56,487 [ Groans ]
00:19:56,613 --> 00:19:58,865 So does -- does this mean the storm has passed?
00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:00,325 Global warming's over?
00:20:00,450 --> 00:20:03,119 Global warming didn't cause the Beaverton flood.
00:20:03,244 --> 00:20:06,414 We know now whose fault it is.
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:08,625 It was...crab people.
00:20:08,750 --> 00:20:10,043 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:20:10,168 --> 00:20:11,294 ALL: Oh!
00:20:11,419 --> 00:20:15,381 CRAB PEOPLE: ♪ Crab people, crab people ♪
00:20:15,506 --> 00:20:17,133 - ♪ Tastes like -- ♪ - Stop it! Stop it!
00:20:17,258 --> 00:20:20,011 First it was terrorists, then George Bush and global warming,
00:20:20,136 --> 00:20:21,346 and now you're all blaming crab people
00:20:21,471 --> 00:20:23,264 for something that's very simple.
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:27,143 It's my fault. I broke the dam.
00:20:28,770 --> 00:20:31,314 Aw, man.
00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:34,776 Stanley, you?
00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:35,777 No.
00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:37,904 Don't you see what this child is saying?
00:20:38,029 --> 00:20:40,406 We can't spend all our energy placing blame
00:20:40,531 --> 00:20:41,783 when something bad happens.
00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:45,286 He's saying we <i>all</i> broke the dam.
00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:47,288 No. I broke the dam.
00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:50,124 I broke the dam.
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:52,710 I broke the dam.
00:20:52,835 --> 00:20:54,170 I broke the dam.
00:20:54,295 --> 00:20:55,713 No, I broke the dam.
00:20:55,838 --> 00:20:57,173 And I broke the dam.
00:20:57,298 --> 00:20:58,299 I broke the dam.
00:20:58,424 --> 00:21:00,468 [ Chuckles ] I broke the dam.
00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,595 I broke the dam.
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:04,222 I broke the dam.
00:21:04,347 --> 00:21:05,223 I broke the dam.
00:21:05,348 --> 00:21:07,517 I ran a boat into the dam, and I broke it.
00:21:07,642 --> 00:21:08,810 I broke the dam.
00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:09,894 I broke the dam.
00:21:10,019 --> 00:21:11,229 WOMAN: I broke the dam.
00:21:11,354 --> 00:21:12,605 MAN: I broke the dam.
00:21:12,730 --> 00:21:14,983 STAN: No! I broke the fucking dam!
00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:16,442 WOMAN: I broke the dam.
00:21:16,567 --> 00:21:17,986 MAN: I broke the dam.
00:21:18,111 --> 00:21:19,862 STAN: I literally broke the dam!
00:21:19,988 --> 00:21:21,155 WOMAN: I broke the dam.
00:21:21,281 --> 00:21:22,782 MAN: I broke the dam.
00:21:22,907 --> 00:21:24,784 STAN: On a boat that wasn't mine!
00:21:24,909 --> 00:21:26,244 MAN: I broke the dam.
00:21:26,369 --> 00:21:27,328 MAN: I broke the dam.
00:21:27,453 --> 00:21:29,372 STAN: I kept it secret for two days!
00:21:29,497 --> 00:21:30,748 MAN: I broke the dam.
00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:32,292 WOMAN: I broke the dam.
00:21:32,417 --> 00:21:34,836 STAN: The boat caught on fire, and it exploded!
00:21:34,961 --> 00:21:36,587 MAN: I broke the dam.
00:21:36,713 --> 00:21:37,922 MAN: I broke the dam.
00:21:38,047 --> 00:21:39,924 STAN: Oh fuck it!
00:21:41,759 --> 00:21:44,470 [ Dramatic music plays ]

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