Лучшие друзья навсегда — Кенни лучше всех играет в игру «Небеса против сил зла» для детища небес — консоли PSP. По этой причине в раю организуют его смерть, но люди пытаются вернуть его к жизни. На небесах грядёт масштабная битва, место главнокомандующего должен занять Кенни.

Предыдущая серия S09 E03 Винг

Следующая серия S09 E05 Всё ради поражения

Лучшие друзья навсегда

Best Friends Forever

Сезон: 09Серия: 04

Описание

Кенни лучше всех играет в игру «Небеса против сил зла» для детища небес — консоли PSP. По этой причине в раю организуют его смерть, но люди пытаются вернуть его к жизни. На небесах грядёт масштабная битва, место главнокомандующего должен занять Кенни.

Субтитры

00:00:08,968 --> 00:00:12,388 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:14,056 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:15,641 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:18,853 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:18,978 --> 00:00:20,563 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,440 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
00:00:22,565 --> 00:00:25,443 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:25,568 --> 00:00:28,946 Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
00:00:29,071 --> 00:00:33,325 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
00:00:38,247 --> 00:00:39,999 Mom! Mom, get up! We have to go!
00:00:40,124 --> 00:00:41,000 Mom, get up!
00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:43,127 Oh, poopykins, it's very early.
00:00:43,252 --> 00:00:44,503 Mom, I told you --
00:00:44,628 --> 00:00:47,506 The new Sony PSP game machine goes on sale at 7:00 a.m. today.
00:00:47,631 --> 00:00:49,050 I have to be the first to get one.
00:00:49,175 --> 00:00:50,134 Come on!
00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:52,011 Sweetie, can't we go after school?
00:00:52,136 --> 00:00:53,929 Everyone's moms are taking their kids after school.
00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:55,181 We're outsmarting everyone
00:00:55,306 --> 00:00:56,599 by getting to the store right when it opens.
00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:57,516 Let's go!
00:00:58,976 --> 00:01:00,811 I can't wait to see the look on everyone's faces
00:01:00,936 --> 00:01:02,396 when I show up to school with a PSP.
00:01:02,521 --> 00:01:03,731 I wonder if Kyle will cry.
00:01:03,856 --> 00:01:06,067 Oh, please, let Kyle cry.
00:01:08,527 --> 00:01:10,613 What the hell?!
00:01:16,202 --> 00:01:17,828 Kenny, when did you get here?
00:01:17,953 --> 00:01:18,704 Mrph rm.
00:01:18,829 --> 00:01:21,499 Friday?! Aw, Jesus!
00:01:21,624 --> 00:01:23,709 I'll just... sort of get in -- in here.
00:01:23,834 --> 00:01:25,753 Hey, dickhole, what do you think you're doing?
00:01:25,878 --> 00:01:27,755 Uh, my friend Kenny was saving my place in line.
00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:29,757 There's no saving places, fourthie.
00:01:29,882 --> 00:01:31,926 Get to the back or we'll beat your face in.
00:01:32,051 --> 00:01:33,886 Oh, God damn it!
00:01:36,889 --> 00:01:39,433 They'd better not sell out.
00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:45,940 That thing is pretty cool. What games did you get with it?
00:01:46,065 --> 00:01:47,691 It's a game called Heaven vs. Hell.
00:01:47,817 --> 00:01:48,984 Kenny commands the armies of heaven
00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:50,986 against the forces of Satan.
00:01:52,905 --> 00:01:54,448 Dude, you see what Kenny got?
00:01:54,573 --> 00:01:56,575 Yes, yes! I know! Up yours, Kyle!
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:57,910 W-What'd I do?
00:01:58,035 --> 00:01:59,870 Just shut your Jew mouth!
00:01:59,995 --> 00:02:03,541 Congratulations! You have reached level 9.
00:02:03,666 --> 00:02:05,167 Wow! Level 9 already?
00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:07,044 Dude, you kick ass at Heaven vs. Hell.
00:02:07,169 --> 00:02:09,296 Yeah, Kenny finally found something he's really good at.
00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:39,201 Kenny?
00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:41,787 Kenny, are you still playing with that thing?
00:02:41,912 --> 00:02:44,540 Kenny, it's been two weeks, and you've done nothing else.
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:45,833 Mrph rmhmhm rm!
00:02:45,958 --> 00:02:48,335 Who cares if you almost made it to level 60?!
00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:50,337 You're wasting your life, Kenny!
00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:53,090 If you died tomorrow, what would you have to show for it?
00:02:53,215 --> 00:02:55,384 You're gonna end up wishing you'd done more with your life,
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:57,636 just like your deadbeat father!
00:02:57,761 --> 00:02:59,013 Hey, I heard that, bitch!
00:02:59,138 --> 00:03:00,806 I wasn't talking to you, asshole!
00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:02,808 How about I come in there and kick your teeth in?!
00:03:02,933 --> 00:03:03,976 I'd like to see you try!
00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:06,604 You have to smart off to me in my own house?!
00:03:06,729 --> 00:03:09,064 It's my house, too, you no-good loser!
00:03:09,190 --> 00:03:11,525 You have reached level 60!
00:03:11,650 --> 00:03:12,526 Mrph!
00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:14,153 Mrph rm! Mrph rmhmhm!
00:03:14,278 --> 00:03:15,321 Mrph rmhmhm --
00:03:18,157 --> 00:03:21,410 Oh, yeah! Level 4! Sweet!
00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:28,250 Mrph rmhmhm rm.
00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:29,543 Mrph rmhmhm rm!
00:03:29,668 --> 00:03:31,212 Mrph rm! Mrph rm!
00:03:31,337 --> 00:03:33,547 Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
00:03:33,672 --> 00:03:35,466 Mrph rm!
00:03:48,062 --> 00:03:49,480 Open the gate!
00:03:49,605 --> 00:03:51,607 Open the gate!
00:03:59,031 --> 00:04:01,367 Welcome to the kingdom of heaven, Kenny.
00:04:01,492 --> 00:04:03,452 I am Peter.
00:04:04,078 --> 00:04:06,413 Mrph rmh mrph rmphm?
00:04:06,538 --> 00:04:08,082 There isn't much time, Kenny.
00:04:08,207 --> 00:04:11,168 You are dead, but your death was no accident.
00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:13,003 Heaven needs you.
00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:14,797 Mrph?
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:17,424 Come. There's much to discuss.
00:04:27,726 --> 00:04:29,853 Things are not good in heaven, Kenny.
00:04:29,979 --> 00:04:31,772 Satan is planning a massive attack,
00:04:31,897 --> 00:04:34,275 and he knows we are too few in number to stop him.
00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:36,068 God has changed the rules here.
00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:38,445 For ages, only Mormons were allowed into heaven.
00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:39,530 - Hey! - Hi there!
00:04:39,655 --> 00:04:41,198 - Hello! - Oh, hi!
00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:43,242 But knowing that hell was becoming much larger,
00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:45,077 God decided to let more people cross over
00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:46,912 so that he could build an army as well --
00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:49,707 an army that you must command.
00:04:49,832 --> 00:04:51,125 Mrph rm?!
00:04:51,709 --> 00:04:55,296 The Sony PSP was built by God to determine who on earth
00:04:55,421 --> 00:04:57,965 had the best skills to defeat the armies of Satan.
00:04:58,090 --> 00:04:59,758 You are the best.
00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:03,262 You are the only hope for the universe.
00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:07,141 Satan's army grows as we speak.
00:05:07,266 --> 00:05:10,227 The dark lord knows that our armies are few in number
00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:15,357 and unorganized, so our only hope is perfect strategy.
00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:18,610 A child? This is God's solution?
00:05:18,736 --> 00:05:21,947 He beat Satan's army in over 3,000 separate simulations.
00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:24,658 Archangel Michael, what say you?
00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:30,122 The child did something none of us could --
00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:32,291 reach level 60 on the PSP.
00:05:32,416 --> 00:05:34,293 I don't know if that's luck or perseverance,
00:05:34,418 --> 00:05:36,086 but it's goddamned impressive.
00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:39,631 All right, Kenny, let me show you what we're up against.
00:05:40,758 --> 00:05:43,385 This is the kingdom of heaven.
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:46,388 Satan's army will attack the gates here.
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:49,308 They are 10 billion in number, maybe more.
00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:54,521 Our armies are here, here, and here --
00:05:54,646 --> 00:05:57,191 just under 10,000 strong.
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,403 We are outnumbered and in need of someone
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:04,907 who can single-handedly bring the whole dark empire down.
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:09,453 Basically, Kenny, you are Keanu Reeves.
00:06:23,926 --> 00:06:29,973 My fellow damned souls, now is the time for our assault.
00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:32,643 You know no fear!
00:06:32,768 --> 00:06:36,105 You will drink the blood of angels!
00:06:36,230 --> 00:06:39,358 We go now! Nothing can stop us!
00:06:39,942 --> 00:06:42,736 Move aside! Step aside, I say!
00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:45,447 Satan, God has mocked Thee once again.
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:47,324 My spy.
00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:49,785 God has found a way to defeat your army.
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,245 Impossible. How?
00:06:51,370 --> 00:06:52,454 A young man.
00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:56,208 Basically, he -- he's like Keanu Reeves.
00:06:56,792 --> 00:06:58,877 Oh, Jesus Christ.
00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:01,839 My lord. My lord, we must attack now.
00:07:01,964 --> 00:07:04,633 What's the point? They have a Keanu Reeves now.
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:07,511 Do not fear, my lord. Your army is great.
00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:08,929 Very well.
00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:12,266 Demon army, begin your march on heaven.
00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:21,191 Up here you get the best tactical view
00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:22,484 to protect the fortress.
00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:23,610 It is from here, Kenny,
00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:25,654 that you shall command the armies of heaven.
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,948 Mrph? Mrph rmh rmphm?
00:07:28,073 --> 00:07:28,866 Simple.
00:07:28,991 --> 00:07:30,993 You will use...this.
00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:38,876 This golden PSP is king of all PSPs.
00:07:39,001 --> 00:07:41,128 Hail the Holy PSP.
00:07:41,253 --> 00:07:43,422 It works just like the ones we sent to earth.
00:07:43,547 --> 00:07:44,798 All the commands you make
00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:47,259 will be sent to the troops down on the battlefield.
00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:49,386 All you have to do is play the game, Kenny.
00:07:49,511 --> 00:07:52,890 Only this time, it's for reals.
00:07:53,015 --> 00:07:55,267 Gabriel returns with news.
00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:58,103 Hell's army is departing.
00:07:58,228 --> 00:08:00,147 They head now for the gates of heaven.
00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:02,983 Prepare the troops! We must be ready for them!
00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:04,109 The time is at hand, Kenny.
00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:05,694 The stage is set, and the final battle
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,488 between heaven and hell is about to begin!
00:08:07,613 --> 00:08:10,157 The fate of the outcome is in your hands.
00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:13,535 Where'd he go?
00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:16,705 Doctor! Doctor, we have a pulse!
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:19,082 Then that's it! We've brought him back.
00:08:19,208 --> 00:08:20,542 Amazing, Doctor.
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:21,877 You've revived somebody
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:24,254 who's been legally dead for almost a day.
00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:25,589 Call the parents.
00:08:25,714 --> 00:08:30,677 They're going to be shocked to find out their son is alive.
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:35,724 It's the latest in electroplastilical science.
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:38,227 Your son's organs are all functioning again.
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,229 It's a miracle.
00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:41,939 Kenny, you're alive.
00:08:42,064 --> 00:08:43,941 I'm afraid he can't respond to you.
00:08:44,066 --> 00:08:45,692 You see, being dead for that long,
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:48,570 most of Kenny's brain cells died from lack of oxygen.
00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:49,738 Your son is alive
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:53,534 but in what we call a persistive vegetative state.
00:08:53,659 --> 00:08:55,035 Will he ever recover?
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:56,328 I'm afraid no.
00:08:56,453 --> 00:08:58,664 Brain cells cannot be repaired once dead.
00:08:58,789 --> 00:09:01,208 But his soul is still in here.
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:03,877 Almost trapped in here, if you will.
00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:06,004 Kenny is the same as he ever was.
00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:10,217 It's just that now he's more like...a tomato.
00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:13,095 He can't move on his own? How will he eat?
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:14,513 A feeding tube.
00:09:14,638 --> 00:09:17,266 It pumps a nutrient paste directly into Kenny's stomach.
00:09:17,391 --> 00:09:19,685 With it we can actually keep Kenny the tomato
00:09:19,810 --> 00:09:21,228 alive for years.
00:09:25,023 --> 00:09:27,276 A feeding tube?
00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:30,862 Yes. Apparently they're using machines to keep him alive.
00:09:30,988 --> 00:09:33,073 But that's not natural!
00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:36,201 God intended Kenny to die! What are these people doing?!
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:40,080 The child's soul is now trapped inside his vegetative body.
00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:42,833 We have no one to command the troops with the PSP.
00:09:42,958 --> 00:09:45,085 And Satan's armies are approaching.
00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:48,297 Oh, God damn it.
00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:54,469 Boys, I want to thank you for coming down to my office
00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:56,221 on such short notice.
00:09:58,140 --> 00:09:59,558 Are we in trouble or something?
00:09:59,683 --> 00:10:01,560 No. Boys, I'm a lawyer.
00:10:01,685 --> 00:10:03,270 Your friend Kenny passed away,
00:10:03,395 --> 00:10:05,647 and I've called you here to read his will.
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:06,857 Kenny had a will?
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,110 "In the highly likely event of my death,
00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:12,904 I, Kenny McCormick, wish to leave all my belongings
00:10:13,030 --> 00:10:15,490 to my good friends Stan and Kyle.
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:19,077 Dudes, you were the best friends a guy could have."
00:10:19,870 --> 00:10:20,746 Oh, wow.
00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:22,956 That's...really touching.
00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:24,166 Fags.
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:28,128 "To Eric Cartman -- Eric, I never really liked you.
00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:29,838 But, then, nobody does.
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,923 You have no ability to feel,
00:10:32,049 --> 00:10:34,635 and you are going to die alone and miserable.
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:37,387 It is only because I feel so sorry for you
00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:39,848 that I leave you my Sony PSP."
00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:42,601 Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah, baby!
00:10:42,726 --> 00:10:44,770 Who's the man?! Who's the man?!
00:10:44,895 --> 00:10:47,439 "There is one more thing I would like to ask you all
00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:48,940 as my friends.
00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:51,777 If I should ever be in a vegetative state
00:10:51,902 --> 00:10:55,781 and kept alive on life support, please..."
00:10:59,368 --> 00:11:00,327 Please what?
00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:04,247 I don't know. I lost the last page.
00:11:04,373 --> 00:11:05,749 Who cares?! Kenny's dead!
00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:07,793 When do I take possession of my PSP, sir?
00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:10,087 It's right here, along with Kenny's other belongings.
00:11:10,212 --> 00:11:11,380 They're all yours.
00:11:13,131 --> 00:11:14,466 Yes.
00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:16,301 - He's alive! - What?
00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:19,554 Kenny McCormick! He's alive at the hospital!
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,014 Oh, my God!
00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:35,779 Your army nears the kingdom of heaven, my lord.
00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:37,572 I don't know if we should continue
00:11:37,698 --> 00:11:40,742 without knowing more about this Keanu Reeves God has.
00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:43,286 Satan, I come bearing good news.
00:11:43,412 --> 00:11:46,164 The Keanu Reeves boy has been revived on earth.
00:11:46,289 --> 00:11:48,291 His soul is no longer in heaven.
00:11:48,959 --> 00:11:51,712 Then God is helpless.
00:11:51,837 --> 00:11:53,672 Full march to the gates of heaven!
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:56,466 Victory is ours!
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:00,095 Kenny?
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:01,722 Kenny, you're alive!
00:12:01,847 --> 00:12:03,890 Dude, how'd you do that?
00:12:04,015 --> 00:12:05,976 He can't respond to you, boys.
00:12:06,101 --> 00:12:08,729 Being dead for that long caused severe damage to his brain.
00:12:08,854 --> 00:12:10,814 Well -- Well, then he's <i>not</i> alive.
00:12:10,939 --> 00:12:13,608 He's alive. He smiled when I talked to him.
00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:14,901 I think.
00:12:15,026 --> 00:12:16,069 That's not Kenny!
00:12:16,194 --> 00:12:18,280 Kenny sniffs paint and sets things on fire. Here. Look.
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:21,575 Kenny? Kenny, look. You want a dollar?
00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:22,951 I don't know if it's right
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,870 to keep Kenny alive on that machine.
00:12:24,995 --> 00:12:27,414 I-I just -- I don't know what he would want.
00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:29,207 Yeah. The lawyer lost that page.
00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:30,333 Oh, I just remembered!
00:12:30,459 --> 00:12:31,877 Kenny told me this one time
00:12:32,002 --> 00:12:34,337 that he wouldn't want to be kept alive by a feeding tube.
00:12:34,463 --> 00:12:35,380 He did? When?
00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:38,091 Um, it was, um, this one time.
00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:39,593 He did not say that.
00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:42,012 You just want him dead so you can have his stupid PSP!
00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:43,930 Stupid? PSP is stupid?!
00:12:44,055 --> 00:12:45,182 Did you all hear that?!
00:12:45,307 --> 00:12:47,684 I mean -- I mean this isn't about PSP, Kyle.
00:12:47,809 --> 00:12:49,728 This is about my friend and his wishes.
00:12:49,853 --> 00:12:51,521 And Kenny said he didn't want to live like this.
00:12:51,646 --> 00:12:52,689 - He did not! - Did so!
00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:53,774 - Did not! - Fine!
00:12:53,899 --> 00:12:55,358 We'll see about this, you frickin' Jew!
00:12:55,484 --> 00:12:57,110 I'm gonna get that feeding tube removed
00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:59,696 if I have to go all the way to the Supreme Court!
00:13:03,617 --> 00:13:05,619 Satan's army has crossed over the plains of limbo.
00:13:05,744 --> 00:13:07,204 Then they will be here on the morrow.
00:13:07,329 --> 00:13:08,413 Without Kenny's soul here,
00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:10,749 there will be nobody who can use the Holy PSP.
00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:13,543 No! There <i>is</i> another.
00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:16,755 A Japanese boy did make it to level 59.
00:13:18,215 --> 00:13:19,883 Are you stupid, Uriel?
00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:22,093 Japanese people don't have souls.
00:13:22,219 --> 00:13:22,928 - Yeah! - Yeah!
00:13:23,053 --> 00:13:24,387 - Yeah! - Yeah, Uriel.
00:13:24,513 --> 00:13:25,972 Oh, right, right. I'm sorry.
00:13:26,097 --> 00:13:29,184 Kenny remains our only hope. Here is what we must do.
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,061 Gabriel and Uriel, you go down to earth
00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:32,646 and try to get that feeding tube removed.
00:13:32,771 --> 00:13:34,564 In the meantime...
00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:36,483 ...we will put all our troops at heaven's gate.
00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:38,735 We will try to keep hell's army from breaking through
00:13:38,860 --> 00:13:39,861 as long as possible.
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,864 Hopefully, it will be long enough
00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:45,867 to get our Keanu Reeves back.
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,162 You see, Your Honors, I was the only one
00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:51,331 that Kenny McCormick told his wishes to.
00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:52,749 And Kenny told me specifically
00:13:52,874 --> 00:13:55,418 that he would never want to be kept alive on machines.
00:13:55,544 --> 00:13:58,004 What they are doing to him is not right.
00:13:58,588 --> 00:13:59,923 Well, I'm sorry, young man,
00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:01,925 but the parents want their child kept alive.
00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:04,177 I don't believe you have any legal authority here.
00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:06,137 I do have legal authority, Your Honor.
00:14:06,263 --> 00:14:10,600 You see, I was Kenny's BFF.
00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:14,104 Best friends forever?
00:14:14,229 --> 00:14:14,980 That's right.
00:14:15,105 --> 00:14:16,731 Kenny and I have been BFFs since first grade.
00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:18,233 Here. Look.
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,694 Kenny has the other half of this BFF necklace.
00:14:20,819 --> 00:14:22,571 I believe you all know what that means
00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:24,948 and how serious this is.
00:14:25,615 --> 00:14:29,202 Look, Kenny. Your friends are here to visit you again.
00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:31,079 But this just doesn't seem right.
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:32,706 W-What's the matter, Doctor?
00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:34,541 I'm afraid I've been given a court order
00:14:34,666 --> 00:14:36,126 to remove Kenny's feeding tube.
00:14:36,251 --> 00:14:37,002 What?
00:14:37,127 --> 00:14:38,295 He's right in here.
00:14:38,420 --> 00:14:39,212 Cartman!
00:14:39,337 --> 00:14:41,006 Kenny's BFF says
00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:43,466 that Kenny didn't want to be kept alive artificially.
00:14:43,592 --> 00:14:46,177 The courts have determined we must obey his wish.
00:14:46,303 --> 00:14:48,430 Cartman is not Kenny's BFF!
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:50,223 Sir, take a look at this.
00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,895 That's all the verification we need.
00:14:55,020 --> 00:14:56,479 Pull the feeding tube, Doctor.
00:14:56,605 --> 00:14:57,814 No, Doctor, you can't!
00:14:57,939 --> 00:15:00,483 I'm sorry. I have no choice.
00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:06,781 Here is the hospital.
00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:07,991 This is hopeless, Gabriel.
00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:09,701 We cannot interact with anything on earth.
00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:11,703 How can we possibly get a feeding tube removed?
00:15:12,287 --> 00:15:14,456 That dirty, evil, no-good son of a bitch!
00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:16,333 Now that Cartman got Kenny's feeding tube out,
00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:17,834 he's gonna die for sure.
00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:19,336 The tube has been removed?
00:15:19,461 --> 00:15:21,713 How can they let an 8-year-old decide Kenny's fate?
00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:24,132 Apparently some blessed child has done our work for us.
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,258 Good.
00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:27,177 Now all we must do is pray nobody interferes
00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:28,845 with the child's death a second time.
00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:30,305 Dude, we have to do whatever we can
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,848 to get that feeding tube put back in.
00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:33,308 - Yeah. - No!
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:34,893 Let's go to the, uh, media.
00:15:35,018 --> 00:15:36,311 We'll make everyone in the country know
00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:37,312 they're killing Kenny.
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:38,355 Yeah! Come on!
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:40,023 No. No. No! Boys!
00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:41,983 Aw, God damn it!
00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:45,695 This is HBC news.
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:50,492 A right-to-die debate is heating up in Colorado,
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,118 where Kenny McCormick's feeding tube
00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:54,496 has been removed by his BFF.
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:56,998 Two boys are bringing national attention to the story
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:59,417 by protesting outside the hospital.
00:16:00,669 --> 00:16:01,753 Don't kill Kenny!
00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:02,963 You bastards!
00:16:03,088 --> 00:16:04,506 Don't kill Kenny!
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:05,757 You bastards!
00:16:05,882 --> 00:16:07,384 No! No, they're not killing him.
00:16:07,509 --> 00:16:08,635 They're letting him die!
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:11,304 You bureaucrats have no right to play God
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:12,847 and take that tube out!
00:16:12,973 --> 00:16:14,516 No, no. See, they were playing God
00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:16,267 when they put the feeding tube <i>in.</i>
00:16:16,393 --> 00:16:19,145 A woman was arrested for trying to bring food to the patient.
00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:21,940 Get your man hands off of me!
00:16:22,065 --> 00:16:23,817 However, a growing number of people
00:16:23,942 --> 00:16:27,237 are also standing behind Kenny's BFF, Eric Cartman.
00:16:27,362 --> 00:16:30,532 We must respect the wishes of people's BFFs.
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:34,536 Otherwise, all our BFF necklaces would become meaningless.
00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:36,204 We all have BFFs,
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:39,582 and we believe a BFF is the highest legal authority.
00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:42,460 That's right. Respect our authoritah.
00:16:42,585 --> 00:16:45,046 What mockery is this?!
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:46,464 My lord?
00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:48,008 The feeding tube has been pulled.
00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:50,260 If the child dies and his soul returns to heaven,
00:16:50,385 --> 00:16:52,303 God will have his Keanu Reeves.
00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:55,348 Perhaps the child won't die in time.
00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:57,100 Forget it! I'm calling the attack off.
00:16:57,225 --> 00:16:58,101 No!
00:16:58,226 --> 00:17:00,729 Keep your army marching, my lord.
00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:04,065 I will get that feeding tube put back in.
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:05,400 How?
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:09,320 I will do what we always do -- use the Republicans.
00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:13,742 We Republicans are deeply saddened
00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:15,952 by the tragic events in Colorado.
00:17:18,163 --> 00:17:21,708 Removing the feeding tube is murder.
00:17:21,833 --> 00:17:24,419 Removing the feeding tube is murder.
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:27,422 Who are we to decide that Kenny should live or die?
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:30,842 Who are we to decide that Kenny should live or die?
00:17:30,967 --> 00:17:33,261 It is God's will that he live.
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,513 It is God's will that he live!
00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:40,685 No, no. You don't say that part.
00:17:41,770 --> 00:17:43,772 No, no. You don't say that part.
00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:58,203 Jesus. Their army is massive.
00:17:58,328 --> 00:18:00,413 Heaven help us.
00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:03,458 The biggest battle of all time is about to begin --
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:05,168 the battle of the feeding tube --
00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:07,337 as people on both sides of the argument
00:18:07,462 --> 00:18:08,838 vie for media attention.
00:18:11,049 --> 00:18:13,843 We want all the country to see that Kenny is alive and in pain.
00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:16,346 I believe the people at home can see he's not in pain
00:18:16,471 --> 00:18:17,472 because he's a tomato.
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,432 You say tomato, but I say Kenny!
00:18:19,557 --> 00:18:21,184 You say Kenny, but I say tomato!
00:18:21,309 --> 00:18:22,769 - Tomato! - Kenny!
00:18:22,894 --> 00:18:25,021 - Kenny! - Tomato!
00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:26,356 Uh, excuse me.
00:18:26,481 --> 00:18:29,651 I, uh, just found the last page of Kenny's will.
00:18:31,861 --> 00:18:32,570 What?
00:18:32,695 --> 00:18:35,323 I found the page where Kenny specified his wishes
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:37,075 about being on life support.
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,952 Well, what does it say?
00:18:39,077 --> 00:18:41,079 "If I should ever be
00:18:41,204 --> 00:18:45,083 in a vegetative state and kept alive on life support,
00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:46,626 please...
00:18:48,002 --> 00:18:51,464 ...for the love of God, don't ever show me in that condition
00:18:51,589 --> 00:18:53,925 on national television."
00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:58,263 Ooh.
00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:00,223 Whoops.
00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:03,309 Oh, geez.
00:19:03,434 --> 00:19:05,353 Maybe we let this thing get out of hand.
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:06,813 This issue is so complicated,
00:19:06,938 --> 00:19:10,108 but maybe we <i>should</i> just let Kenny go in peace.
00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:12,235 You mean Cartman's side is right?
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:14,863 Cartman's side is right for the wrong reasons,
00:19:14,988 --> 00:19:17,740 but we're wrong for the right reasons.
00:19:17,866 --> 00:19:18,825 Yeah.
00:19:18,950 --> 00:19:19,951 Come on, everybody.
00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:22,287 I think Kenny wants to be left alone.
00:19:27,792 --> 00:19:31,921 We've just received word that Kenny McCormick has passed away.
00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:34,007 The debate still rages on in America,
00:19:34,132 --> 00:19:38,887 but at least now Kenny is in a much more peaceful place.
00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:41,472 Satan's army has broken through the gates!
00:19:41,598 --> 00:19:43,183 We're gonna die!
00:19:43,308 --> 00:19:45,226 Send all troops to the battlefield.
00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:47,061 I will command as best I can.
00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:48,605 Michael! Michael!
00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:51,149 The humans finally did the right thing!
00:19:51,274 --> 00:19:53,151 Oh, my God. They killed Kenny!
00:19:53,276 --> 00:19:54,903 Get him into the command station! Hurry!
00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:56,446 Satan's army charges.
00:19:56,571 --> 00:19:58,156 Tell our troops what to do, Kenny.
00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:01,075 So it begins.
00:20:01,201 --> 00:20:03,369 Now we shall see the final battle
00:20:03,494 --> 00:20:06,122 between heaven and hell play out.
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:12,795 Yes! Good, Kenny.
00:20:12,921 --> 00:20:15,215 The angel spearmen are taking out their demon soulrippers.
00:20:17,091 --> 00:20:18,551 Oh, the calvary angels are clashing
00:20:18,676 --> 00:20:20,345 with their black knights.
00:20:20,470 --> 00:20:23,389 Oh, my God! My God, this battle is epic!
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:26,476 Oh, they're bringing in their demon dragons.
00:20:26,601 --> 00:20:28,603 Look at the size of them!
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:32,899 My God, this is even bigger than the final battle
00:20:33,024 --> 00:20:34,359 in the "Lord of the Rings" movie!
00:20:34,484 --> 00:20:37,153 It's like -- it's like 10 times bigger than that battle.
00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:41,908 No! No! How are we losing?
00:20:42,033 --> 00:20:45,078 The child's soul is in heaven! God has his secret weapon!
00:20:45,203 --> 00:20:46,496 Full retreat!
00:20:46,621 --> 00:20:47,747 Patience, my lord.
00:20:47,872 --> 00:20:48,748 No, Kevin!
00:20:48,873 --> 00:20:51,292 That's it -- I'm breaking up with you!
00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:55,129 Yes. Yes, Kenny!
00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:57,006 Satan's forces are retreating!
00:20:57,131 --> 00:20:59,133 This is truly a sight to behold.
00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:01,177 Oh, I wish I had a camcorder!
00:21:03,137 --> 00:21:04,514 We have done it!
00:21:04,639 --> 00:21:07,058 We have defeated the armies of Satan!
00:21:08,309 --> 00:21:10,520 Yay!
00:21:11,396 --> 00:21:13,106 Kenny, bless your soul!
00:21:13,231 --> 00:21:14,899 You've saved all of heaven!
00:21:15,024 --> 00:21:16,234 Yes, Kenny.
00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:18,152 And to thank you for what you've done,
00:21:18,278 --> 00:21:21,364 we are going to give you a very special gift.
00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:24,242 For saving the entire universe from the forces of evil,
00:21:24,367 --> 00:21:26,911 we give you this...
00:21:28,162 --> 00:21:31,082 ...Keanu Reeves statue.
00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:33,209 Congratulations.

00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:23,640 Саут-Парк Эпизод 904 Лучшие Друзья
00:00:38,526 --> 00:00:41,506 Мам! Мам! Вставай, надо идти! МАМ, ВСТАВАЙ!
00:00:41,636 --> 00:00:43,836 О, мой пупочка, но сейчас ведь так рано.
00:00:43,846 --> 00:00:45,036 Мам, ну я же тебе говорил!
00:00:45,076 --> 00:00:47,926 Новую игру Sony PSP начинают продавать сегодня с семи утра.
00:00:48,026 --> 00:00:49,646 Я должен быть первым, у кого она появится!
00:00:49,676 --> 00:00:50,486 Идём же!
00:00:50,706 --> 00:00:52,356 А нельзя сделать это после школы, сладенький?
00:00:52,706 --> 00:00:54,506 После школы все будут с родителями.
00:00:54,736 --> 00:00:57,876 А мы всех перехитрим и будем в магазине, как только он откроется! Пойдём!
00:00:59,446 --> 00:01:02,656 Жду не дождусь, когда посмотрю на их рожи, когда я появлюсь в школе с PSP!
00:01:03,026 --> 00:01:04,046 Интересно, Кайл заплачет?
00:01:04,236 --> 00:01:05,926 Господи, пусть Кайл заплачет!
00:01:09,256 --> 00:01:10,596 Какого чёрта?
00:01:16,826 --> 00:01:18,256 Кенни, ты когда сюда пришёл?
00:01:18,296 --> 00:01:18,946 (В пятницу)
00:01:19,136 --> 00:01:21,406 В пятницу?! Господи!
00:01:21,846 --> 00:01:23,926 Я, типа... сюда.. сюда.
00:01:24,226 --> 00:01:26,136 Эй, жопа! Ты чего делаешь?
00:01:26,296 --> 00:01:28,286 Э, мой друг Кенни занимал мне место в очереди.
00:01:28,326 --> 00:01:30,416 Эй, четвероклашка, здесь не занимают!
00:01:30,596 --> 00:01:32,366 Вали в конец очереди, а то мы тебе морду набьём!
00:01:32,746 --> 00:01:34,446 Чёрт побери!
00:01:37,256 --> 00:01:39,136 Хоть бы не распродали всё!
00:01:44,156 --> 00:01:46,526 Крутая штука. А какие там есть игры?
00:01:46,556 --> 00:01:47,966 Эта называется "Рай против Ада".
00:01:48,146 --> 00:01:50,606 Кенни играет войсками Рая против сил Сатаны.
00:01:53,776 --> 00:01:55,386 Чувак, ты видел, что есть у Кенни?
00:01:55,426 --> 00:01:56,996 ДА, ДА, Я ЗНАЮ! ЗАСУНЬ ЕЁ СЕБЕ В ЖОПУ, КАЙЛ!
00:01:57,356 --> 00:01:58,136 Да ты чего?..
00:01:58,366 --> 00:01:59,636 ПРОСТО ЗАТКНИСЬ, ЕВРЕЙ!
00:02:00,096 --> 00:02:03,926 "Поздравляю! Вы достигли ...девятого уровня!"
00:02:04,296 --> 00:02:07,406 Вау, уже девятый? Чувак, да ты клёво играешь в "Рай против Ада".
00:02:07,646 --> 00:02:09,576 Ага, наконец-то Кенни нашёл что-то, что у него хорошо получается.
00:02:39,256 --> 00:02:41,496 Кенни, ты всё ещё играешь с этой штукой?
00:02:42,566 --> 00:02:45,216 Кенни, ты уже две недели ничем другим не занимаешься!
00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:46,476 (Я почти дошёл до шестидесятого уровня!)
00:02:46,646 --> 00:02:48,856 Да кому интересно, что ты почти на шестидесятом уровне?!
00:02:49,026 --> 00:02:50,576 Ты зря тратишь своё время, Кенни!
00:02:50,866 --> 00:02:53,716 Если бы ты завтра умер, что бы ты мог сказать о прожитой жизни?!
00:02:53,786 --> 00:02:57,926 В итоге будешь жалеть, что не сделал большего в своей жизни, так же, как твой бездельник-отец!
00:02:58,096 --> 00:02:59,356 Эй, сука, я это слышал!
00:02:59,536 --> 00:03:01,296 А я не с тобой разговаривала, козёл!!
00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:03,356 А если я сейчас приду и дам тебе по зубам?
00:03:03,396 --> 00:03:04,506 Ну попробуй!
00:03:04,526 --> 00:03:06,986 Чёрт возьми, ты ещё будешь тут умничать, в моём собственном доме?!
00:03:07,226 --> 00:03:09,476 Это и мой дом тоже, лох тупой!
00:03:09,706 --> 00:03:11,746 Вы достигли шестидесятого уровня!
00:03:12,246 --> 00:03:16,026 (Да! Ураа! Зашибись! Я дошёл до шес-!)
00:03:18,876 --> 00:03:21,206 О, да, четвёртый уровень, клёво!
00:03:26,426 --> 00:03:27,616 (Хм, странно.)
00:03:28,966 --> 00:03:32,016 (Я летаю! Не может быть! Эй, подождите!)
00:03:48,366 --> 00:03:49,846 Откройте ворота!
00:03:50,246 --> 00:03:51,586 Откройте ворота!
00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:01,776 Добро пожаловать в Царствие Небесное, Кенни.
00:04:02,096 --> 00:04:03,516 Я Пётр.
00:04:04,556 --> 00:04:06,126 (Что за х**ня?)
00:04:06,966 --> 00:04:08,576 У нас мало времени, Кенни.
00:04:08,586 --> 00:04:11,436 Ты умер, но твоя смерть не была случайной.
00:04:12,026 --> 00:04:13,116 Ты нужен Раю.
00:04:14,136 --> 00:04:14,956 (Я??)
00:04:15,246 --> 00:04:17,236 Идём! Нам надо многое обсудить.
00:04:28,626 --> 00:04:30,246 Не всё в порядке на Небесах, Кенни.
00:04:30,606 --> 00:04:32,316 Сатана планирует массированное наступление,
00:04:32,346 --> 00:04:34,496 и он знает, что нас слишком мало, и мы его не остановим!
00:04:35,226 --> 00:04:36,696 Бог поменял местные порядки.
00:04:36,696 --> 00:04:39,016 Веками в Рай брали только мормонов.
00:04:39,196 --> 00:04:40,676 Привет! Как поживаете? Привет!
00:04:41,716 --> 00:04:43,596 Но так как Ад становится всё сильнее,
00:04:43,606 --> 00:04:46,796 то Бог решил брать и других, чтобы можно было собрать армию,
00:04:46,976 --> 00:04:49,746 которой ТЫ должен будешь командовать.
00:04:50,396 --> 00:04:51,476 (Чего-чего я буду делать??)
00:04:52,116 --> 00:04:55,696 Sony PSP была сделана Богом для того чтобы найти тех,
00:04:55,846 --> 00:04:58,286 кто лучше других может справиться с армией Сатаны.
00:04:58,286 --> 00:05:03,046 Ты... самый лучший. ТЫ - единственная надежда Вселенной.
00:05:04,996 --> 00:05:07,676 Пока мы говорим, войско Сатаны растёт.
00:05:07,676 --> 00:05:11,456 Тёмный Владыка знает, что наши войска малы и неорганизованны.
00:05:12,066 --> 00:05:13,206 Так что наша единственная надежда...
00:05:13,786 --> 00:05:16,256 это совершенная стратегия.
00:05:16,326 --> 00:05:18,906 Ребёнок? Это и есть то, что придумал Бог?
00:05:18,956 --> 00:05:22,256 Он победил войско Сатаны более чем в т рёх тысячах отдельных моделирований.
00:05:22,606 --> 00:05:24,616 Архангел Михаил, что скажете?
00:05:28,156 --> 00:05:30,316 Ребёнок сделал то, чего не смог сделать ни один из нас:
00:05:30,846 --> 00:05:32,676 дошёл до шестидесятого уровня на PSP.
00:05:32,996 --> 00:05:36,436 Я не знаю, было ли это везением или упорством, но, чёрт возьми, это было впечатляюще!
00:05:36,806 --> 00:05:39,406 Ладно, Кенни, давай я тебе покажу, с чем нам предстоит столкнуться.
00:05:41,546 --> 00:05:43,416 Это Царствие Небесное.
00:05:43,876 --> 00:05:46,446 Войско Сатаны будет атаковать ворота ...здесь.
00:05:46,996 --> 00:05:49,476 Их... десять миллиардов. Может больше.
00:05:51,436 --> 00:05:54,616 Наши войска расположены здесь, здесь и здесь.
00:05:54,836 --> 00:05:57,566 Чуть меньше... десяти тысяч.
00:06:00,206 --> 00:06:04,896 Мы в меньшинстве и нам нужен кто-то, кто сможет одолеть всю Тёмную Империю.
00:06:05,446 --> 00:06:07,396 Проще говоря, Кенни,
00:06:07,546 --> 00:06:09,036 ты - Киану Ривз.
00:06:24,336 --> 00:06:27,516 Собратья мои, проклятые души!
00:06:27,876 --> 00:06:30,646 Настал час завоеваний!
00:06:31,846 --> 00:06:35,696 Вы не знаете страха! Вы будете пить кровь ангелов!
00:06:37,036 --> 00:06:39,606 Мы идём! И ничто нас не остановит!
00:06:40,416 --> 00:06:42,946 Расступитесь! Расступитесь, говорю вам!
00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:45,806 Сатана! Бог опять нас перехитрил!
00:06:46,476 --> 00:06:47,606 Мой шпион!
00:06:47,606 --> 00:06:50,046 Бог нашёл способ победить вашу армию.
00:06:50,146 --> 00:06:51,856 Это невозможно! Как?!
00:06:51,906 --> 00:06:52,886 Молодой парень.
00:06:53,256 --> 00:06:55,996 Проще говоря, он как Киану Ривз.
00:06:57,676 --> 00:06:59,226 О, Боже мой.
00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:01,846 Господин. Господин, нужно атаковать, сейчас!
00:07:02,466 --> 00:07:05,216 Какой смысл?! У них теперь есть Киану Ривз.
00:07:05,316 --> 00:07:07,786 Не бойтесь, Господин. Ваша армия сильна!
00:07:07,976 --> 00:07:08,886 Ну, хорошо.
00:07:10,036 --> 00:07:12,996 Демоническая армия, начинайте марш на Рай!
00:07:19,416 --> 00:07:22,656 Отсюда открывается лучший тактический вид для обороны крепости.
00:07:23,146 --> 00:07:25,946 С этого места, Кенни, ты и будешь командовать силами Рая.
00:07:26,406 --> 00:07:28,296 (Ладно. А как это делать?)
00:07:28,586 --> 00:07:31,696 Просто. С помощью... вот этого.
00:07:36,086 --> 00:07:39,096 Эта золотая PSP - королева всех PSP.
00:07:39,256 --> 00:07:41,556 Да восславится священная PSP.
00:07:41,606 --> 00:07:43,826 Она работает так же, как и те, что мы посылали на Землю.
00:07:44,176 --> 00:07:47,596 Все команды, которые ты отдашь, будут переданы войскам на поле боя.
00:07:47,886 --> 00:07:49,956 Тебе нужно просто играть, Кенни.
00:07:50,026 --> 00:07:53,026 Только на этот раз всё по-настоящему.
00:07:53,726 --> 00:07:55,496 Гавриил возвращается с новостями!
00:07:57,396 --> 00:07:58,706 Адская армия наступает!
00:07:58,746 --> 00:08:00,326 Они направляются к Райским Вратам.
00:08:00,516 --> 00:08:01,596 Отряды, приготовиться!
00:08:01,826 --> 00:08:02,866 Мы должны быть наготове!
00:08:03,376 --> 00:08:04,546 Всё вот-вот начнётся, Кенни.
00:08:04,766 --> 00:08:07,596 Начнётся последняя битва между Раем и Адом!
00:08:07,916 --> 00:08:09,946 Её исход зависит от тебя.
00:08:12,796 --> 00:08:13,406 Куда он?
00:08:14,866 --> 00:08:16,846 Доктор! Доктор, пульс появился!
00:08:17,326 --> 00:08:19,436 Вот оно! Мы его вытянули.
00:08:19,626 --> 00:08:20,986 Поразительно, доктор!
00:08:21,396 --> 00:08:24,416 Вы оживили человека, который по всем законам был мёртв почти целый день!
00:08:24,646 --> 00:08:25,906 Позвоните родителям.
00:08:26,366 --> 00:08:28,316 Они будут потрясены...
00:08:28,476 --> 00:08:30,476 тем что их сын жив.
00:08:31,046 --> 00:08:33,036 Больница "Пропуск в Ад"
00:08:33,426 --> 00:08:36,256 Это последнее достижение электро-пластилической науки.
00:08:36,406 --> 00:08:38,586 Органы вашего сына снова полностью функционируют.
00:08:39,226 --> 00:08:42,006 Это чудо... Кенни, ты жив.
00:08:42,576 --> 00:08:44,506 Боюсь, он не может вам ответить.
00:08:44,696 --> 00:08:46,186 Видите ли, из-за того что Кенни так долго был мёртв,
00:08:46,356 --> 00:08:48,896 большая часть клеток его мозга погибла без кислорода.
00:08:49,116 --> 00:08:53,956 Ваш сын жив, но в состоянии, которое называется "хронически вегетативным".
00:08:54,146 --> 00:08:55,426 Он когда-нибудь оправится?
00:08:55,606 --> 00:08:56,576 Боюсь, что нет.
00:08:56,876 --> 00:08:59,036 Мозговые клетки не восстанавливаются.
00:08:59,326 --> 00:09:01,596 Но его душа всё ещё здесь.
00:09:01,846 --> 00:09:04,316 Как бы... заперта здесь, если хотите.
00:09:04,636 --> 00:09:06,326 Кенни остался таким же, каким был всегда.
00:09:06,506 --> 00:09:09,806 Просто теперь он больше похож на ...растение.
00:09:10,986 --> 00:09:13,516 Он не может двигаться... А как он будет есть?
00:09:13,546 --> 00:09:15,016 Через трубку системы искусственного питания.
00:09:15,056 --> 00:09:17,766 Питательная смесь вкачивается через неё прямо в желудок Кенни.
00:09:17,796 --> 00:09:21,936 С её помощью мы сможем поддерживать Кенни в растительном состоянии годами.
00:09:25,886 --> 00:09:27,826 Система искусственного питания?!
00:09:27,926 --> 00:09:31,496 Да. По-видимому, они используют аппараты для того чтобы поддерживать его жизнь.
00:09:31,596 --> 00:09:33,626 Но... это же не естественно.
00:09:33,736 --> 00:09:36,366 Бог хотел, чтобы Кенни умер! Что творят эти люди?!
00:09:36,586 --> 00:09:40,386 Душа ребёнка заперта в его беспомощном теле.
00:09:40,546 --> 00:09:43,096 Командовать отрядами через PSP некому.
00:09:43,256 --> 00:09:45,476 Войско Сатаны приближается.
00:09:45,766 --> 00:09:47,646 Черт возьми!
00:09:52,205 --> 00:09:56,325 Спасибо, мальчики, что так быстро откликнулись на мою просьбу придти сюда.
00:09:58,455 --> 00:09:59,855 У нас проблемы?
00:10:00,115 --> 00:10:01,855 Нет, мальчики, я адвокат.
00:10:01,855 --> 00:10:05,415 Ваш друг Кенни скончался, и я позвал вас, чтобы огласить его завещание.
00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:07,025 У Кенни было завещание?
00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:12,105 В очень вероятном случае моей смерти я, Кенни МакКормик,
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:15,575 завещаю все свое имущество моим лучшим друзьям, Стэну и Кайлу.
00:10:16,105 --> 00:10:19,095 Чуваки, вы были самыми лучшими друзьями, которые только могут быть.
00:10:20,375 --> 00:10:21,445 О...
00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:23,215 Как... трогательно.
00:10:23,725 --> 00:10:24,335 Лажа!
00:10:24,785 --> 00:10:26,015 Эрику Картману:
00:10:26,235 --> 00:10:28,325 Эрик, ты мне никогда не нравился.
00:10:28,485 --> 00:10:30,155 Впрочем, как и всем.
00:10:30,715 --> 00:10:34,965 Ты не умеешь чувствовать, и скончаешься в одиночестве и горе.
00:10:35,155 --> 00:10:40,175 Только из-за того, что мне тебя так жалко, я оставляю тебе мою Sony PSP.
00:10:40,875 --> 00:10:45,025 Ух ты! О да! Ну, кто всех сделал? Кто всех сделал?
00:10:45,305 --> 00:10:49,105 И ещё, я бы хотел всех вас попросить об одной вещи, по-дружески.
00:10:49,415 --> 00:10:55,885 Если я когда-нибудь окажусь в вегетативном состоянии и буду лежать на искусственном обеспечении, то, пожалуйста,...
00:10:59,595 --> 00:11:00,595 Пожауйста что?
00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:04,285 Не знаю. Я потерял последнюю страницу.
00:11:04,315 --> 00:11:06,025 Да какая разница? Кенни умер!
00:11:06,305 --> 00:11:07,955 Когда мне можно вступить во владение моей PSP, сэр?
00:11:08,205 --> 00:11:10,535 Она здесь, вместе с другим имуществом Кенни.
00:11:10,565 --> 00:11:11,645 Всё это ваше.
00:11:13,395 --> 00:11:14,195 Ура!
00:11:15,065 --> 00:11:15,825 Он жив!
00:11:16,115 --> 00:11:16,765 Чего?
00:11:16,815 --> 00:11:19,125 Кенни МакКормик! Там, в больнице, он жив!
00:11:20,125 --> 00:11:20,945 О, Боже!
00:11:33,465 --> 00:11:36,015 Ваше войско у Райских Врат, Господин.
00:11:36,125 --> 00:11:41,035 Не знаю, можно ли продолжать, пока мы не узнали больше про Киану Ривза, который появился у Бога.
00:11:41,335 --> 00:11:43,565 Сатана! Я принёс хорошие новости!
00:11:43,695 --> 00:11:46,205 Мальчика-Киану Ривза оживили на Земле!
00:11:46,365 --> 00:11:48,255 Его душа больше не на Небесах.
00:11:49,285 --> 00:11:51,745 Значит, Бог хранит нас!
00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:55,905 На Врата Рая, марш! Победа наша!
00:11:59,795 --> 00:12:00,435 Кенни??
00:12:01,265 --> 00:12:02,185 Кенни! Ты жив!
00:12:02,625 --> 00:12:03,345 Чувак, как ты?
00:12:04,845 --> 00:12:06,035 Он не может вам ответить, мальчики.
00:12:06,635 --> 00:12:08,885 Из-за того, что он так долго был мёртвым, его мозг повредился.
00:12:09,705 --> 00:12:10,995 Ну... тогда он НЕ жив.
00:12:11,115 --> 00:12:13,835 Он жив. Он улыбается, когда я с ним разговариваю.
00:12:13,915 --> 00:12:14,895 Мне так кажется...
00:12:15,165 --> 00:12:18,165 Это не Кенни. У Кенни срывает крышу от запаха денег!
00:12:18,195 --> 00:12:19,025 Вот, смотрите.
00:12:19,175 --> 00:12:21,095 Кенни, смотри, Кенни. Хочешь доллар?
00:12:22,045 --> 00:12:25,215 Я не знаю, правильно ли это - поддерживать жизнь Кенни под этим аппаратом.
00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:27,615 Я просто... просто не знаю, чего бы хотел он сам.
00:12:28,035 --> 00:12:29,565 Ага, адвокат потерял ту страницу.
00:12:29,615 --> 00:12:30,875 Ой, я только что вспомнил!
00:12:31,005 --> 00:12:32,185 Однажды Кенни говорил мне, что он не хотел бы,
00:12:32,355 --> 00:12:34,525 чтобы его жизнь поддерживали с помощью системы искусственного питания.
00:12:34,665 --> 00:12:35,465 Говорил? Когда?
00:12:35,525 --> 00:12:37,775 Э, ну это было, мм, однажды...
00:12:38,585 --> 00:12:40,025 Не говорил он такого!
00:12:40,025 --> 00:12:42,165 Ты просто хочешь свести его в могилу, чтобы присвоить глупую PSP!
00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:45,255 Глупую? PSP глупая?! Все это слышали??
00:12:45,725 --> 00:12:48,165 Ээ, я хочу сказать, что дело не в PSP, Кайл!
00:12:48,315 --> 00:12:50,125 Дело в моём друге и в его желаниях.
00:12:50,285 --> 00:12:51,835 А он говорил, что не хотел так жить!
00:12:51,885 --> 00:12:52,605 Не говорил!
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:53,115 Говорил!
00:12:53,135 --> 00:12:53,585 Нет!
00:12:53,625 --> 00:12:55,845 Отлично! Вот увидишь, долбаный еврей!
00:12:55,985 --> 00:12:57,455 Я добьюсь, чтобы эту трубку искусственного питания отсоединили,
00:12:57,705 --> 00:12:59,475 даже если мне придётся дойти до Верховного суда!
00:13:03,895 --> 00:13:05,975 Войско Сатаны уже в Лимбе!
00:13:06,125 --> 00:13:07,705 Значит, скоро они будут здесь.
00:13:07,785 --> 00:13:11,115 Кроме души Кенни использовать священную PSP некому.
00:13:11,135 --> 00:13:13,645 Нет! Есть ещё один.
00:13:13,905 --> 00:13:16,935 Один японский мальчик дошёл до пятьдесят девятого уровня.
00:13:18,575 --> 00:13:22,145 Ты дурак, Уриэль? У японцев нет души!
00:13:22,365 --> 00:13:22,925 Да
00:13:22,955 --> 00:13:23,275 Да
00:13:23,315 --> 00:13:23,565 Да
00:13:23,595 --> 00:13:24,435 Да, Уриэль!
00:13:24,675 --> 00:13:26,095 Ладно, ладно, ошибся.
00:13:26,345 --> 00:13:29,165 Кенни - единственная наша надежда! Вот что мы сделаем.
00:13:29,465 --> 00:13:33,125 Гавриил и Уриэль, спуститесь на Землю и попробуйте отсоединить эту трубку.
00:13:33,225 --> 00:13:34,645 Мы тем временем
00:13:34,685 --> 00:13:36,895 стянем все силы к Райским Вратам.
00:13:37,065 --> 00:13:40,495 Попробуем продержаться как можно дольше.
00:13:41,565 --> 00:13:45,415 Будем надеяться, достаточно долго для того, чтобы вернуть нашего Киану Ривза.
00:13:47,555 --> 00:13:51,395 Видите ли, ваша честь, я был единственным, кому Кенни МакКормик рассказал о своём желании.
00:13:51,625 --> 00:13:55,535 А Кенни специально упоминал, что он не хотел бы, чтобы его жизнь искусственно поддерживали.
00:13:55,905 --> 00:13:57,965 То что они с ним делают... это неправильно.
00:13:58,965 --> 00:14:02,075 Извините, молодой человек, но родители хотят, чтобы их ребёнок жил.
00:14:02,255 --> 00:14:04,785 Думаю, у вас нет никаких юридических оснований.
00:14:04,855 --> 00:14:06,385 У меня есть юридические основания, ваша честь.
00:14:06,545 --> 00:14:09,735 Видите ли, я был Кенниным ЛД.
00:14:12,545 --> 00:14:14,105 Лучшим другом?
00:14:14,405 --> 00:14:15,055 Правильно.
00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:17,315 Мы с Кенни ЛД с первого класса.
00:14:17,335 --> 00:14:18,515 Вот, смотрите.
00:14:18,715 --> 00:14:20,985 У Кенни другая половина этого ЛД-медальона.
00:14:21,195 --> 00:14:24,375 Думаю, вы все знаете, что это означает, и насколько это серьёзно.
00:14:25,955 --> 00:14:28,775 Смотри, Кенни, твои друзья снова пришли навестить тебя.
00:14:29,545 --> 00:14:31,325 Но так же нельзя.
00:14:31,485 --> 00:14:32,995 Что случилось, доктор?
00:14:33,105 --> 00:14:36,295 Боюсь, что у меня решение суда, по которому мы должны отсоединить эту трубку с питанием.
00:14:36,615 --> 00:14:37,455 Что?
00:14:37,815 --> 00:14:38,405 Вот он.
00:14:38,525 --> 00:14:39,375 Картман!
00:14:40,355 --> 00:14:43,785 Кеннин ЛД утверждает, что Кенни не хотел, чтобы его жизнь искусственно поддерживали.
00:14:43,885 --> 00:14:46,275 Суд решил, что мы должны уважать его желание.
00:14:46,715 --> 00:14:48,305 Картман не ЛД Кенни!
00:14:48,735 --> 00:14:49,875 Сэр, взгляните на это.
00:14:53,555 --> 00:14:55,135 Нам не нужны другие доказательства.
00:14:55,655 --> 00:14:56,805 Отсоедините трубку, доктор.
00:14:57,185 --> 00:14:58,405 Нет, доктор! Вы не можете так поступить!
00:14:58,685 --> 00:15:00,145 Извините. У меня нет выбора.
00:15:06,045 --> 00:15:06,845 Вот больница.
00:15:07,145 --> 00:15:08,465 Бесполезно, Гавриил.
00:15:08,625 --> 00:15:11,955 Как мы можем отсоединить трубку, если мы даже потрогать на Земле ничего не можем?
00:15:13,025 --> 00:15:14,885 Долбаный ублюдок!
00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:17,755 После того как Картман отсоединил трубку, Кенни точно умрёт!
00:15:18,215 --> 00:15:19,605 Трубку отсоединили?
00:15:19,825 --> 00:15:21,755 Как можно позволить восьмилетнему решать судьбу Кенни?
00:15:22,195 --> 00:15:24,565 По-видимому, какой-то благословенный ребёнок сделал за нас нашу работу.
00:15:24,805 --> 00:15:29,075 Хорошо. Остаётся только молиться, чтобы никто не вмешался в смерть этого ребёнка ещё раз.
00:15:29,325 --> 00:15:32,305 Чувак, мы должны сделать всё возможное, чтобы снова подсоединить эту трубку.
00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:32,935 Да!
00:15:33,225 --> 00:15:33,665 Нет!
00:15:34,005 --> 00:15:35,305 Давай обратимся к СМИ.
00:15:35,485 --> 00:15:37,575 Пусть вся страна услышит, что они убивают Кенни.
00:15:37,835 --> 00:15:38,695 Да, давай!
00:15:38,975 --> 00:15:41,775 Нет! Нет, нет, мальчики! А, ччёрт!
00:15:44,474 --> 00:15:45,874 Новости Эйч-Би-Си.
00:15:48,102 --> 00:15:50,892 Дело о праве-на-смерть развивается в Колорадо,
00:15:51,052 --> 00:15:54,732 где Кенни МакКормика отключил от системы питания его ЛД.
00:15:55,042 --> 00:15:59,602 Два мальчика привлекают внимание нации к этой истории протестами у больницы.
00:16:01,032 --> 00:16:01,872 Не убивайте Кенни!
00:16:02,102 --> 00:16:03,412 Сволочи!
00:16:03,672 --> 00:16:04,662 Не убивайте Кенни!
00:16:05,012 --> 00:16:06,192 Сволочи!
00:16:06,502 --> 00:16:08,992 Нет! Нет же, они не убивают его, они позволяют ему умереть!
00:16:09,222 --> 00:16:13,212 Не позволим бюрократам играть в Бога и отсоединять трубку!
00:16:13,562 --> 00:16:16,482 Нет-нет, они играли в Бога, когда они эту трубку подсоединяли!
00:16:17,112 --> 00:16:19,422 Женщина была арестована при попытке пронести пациенту еду.
00:16:20,232 --> 00:16:21,982 Уберите от меня свои мужицкие лапы!
00:16:22,522 --> 00:16:27,422 Тем не менее, всё больше людей становится и на сторону Кенниного ЛД, Эрика Картмана.
00:16:27,772 --> 00:16:31,032 Мы должны уважать желания ЛД.
00:16:31,412 --> 00:16:34,582 Иначе наши ЛД-медальоны потеряют смысл.
00:16:34,982 --> 00:16:39,882 У всех нас есть ЛД, и мы считаем, что ЛД - это высшая юридическая сила.
00:16:40,152 --> 00:16:42,132 Правильно. Уважайте нашу власть.
00:16:43,372 --> 00:16:45,232 Они что, издеваются?!
00:16:45,732 --> 00:16:46,352 Господин...
00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:48,182 Трубку отсоединили!
00:16:48,672 --> 00:16:52,652 Если ребёнок умрёт и его душа вернётся в Рай, у Бога будет свой Киану Ривз!
00:16:53,312 --> 00:16:55,322 Может быть, он не успеет умереть.
00:16:55,762 --> 00:16:57,492 Брось! Я отзываю атаку!
00:16:57,802 --> 00:17:01,032 Нет! Продолжайте наступление, Господин.
00:17:01,612 --> 00:17:03,632 Я подсоединю трубку обратно.
00:17:04,802 --> 00:17:05,412 Как?
00:17:06,032 --> 00:17:09,252 Как обычно: использую республиканцев.
00:17:11,862 --> 00:17:16,282 Все мы, республиканцы, глубоко опечалены трагическими событиями в Колорадо.
00:17:19,282 --> 00:17:22,162 Отключение системы питания - это убийство, хы-хы-хы-хы...
00:17:22,632 --> 00:17:24,582 Отключение системы питания - это убийство!
00:17:24,992 --> 00:17:27,682 Кто позволил нам решать вопрос о жизни и смерти Кенни?
00:17:28,102 --> 00:17:31,022 Кто позволил нам решать вопрос о жизни Кенни?
00:17:31,692 --> 00:17:33,302 Бог пожелал, чтобы он жил!
00:17:33,682 --> 00:17:35,712 Бог пожелал, чтобы он ЖИЛ!
00:17:37,422 --> 00:17:39,392 Хы-хы-хы-хы-хы...
00:17:39,512 --> 00:17:41,372 Нет-нет, не надо это говорить
00:17:42,052 --> 00:17:45,282 Нет-нет, не надо это говорить, хы-хы-хы-хы-хы...
00:17:56,062 --> 00:17:58,292 Иисусе, их войско огромно.
00:17:58,962 --> 00:17:59,932 Да помогут нам Небеса.
00:18:01,212 --> 00:18:03,742 Величайшая битва всех времён вот-вот начнётся:
00:18:03,802 --> 00:18:05,692 битва за питающую трубку!
00:18:06,012 --> 00:18:09,022 Участники с обеих сторон аргументируют свою позицию.
00:18:11,292 --> 00:18:14,802 Мы хотим, чтобы вся страна увидела, что Кенни жив, и что ему больно!
00:18:14,882 --> 00:18:17,752 Я считаю, что люди видят, что ему НЕ больно, потому что он - растение!
00:18:17,972 --> 00:18:19,662 По-твоему - растение, а по-моему - Кенни!
00:18:19,672 --> 00:18:21,322 По-твоему - Кенни, а по-моему - растение!
00:18:21,492 --> 00:18:23,022 Растение!
00:18:23,062 --> 00:18:24,172 Кенни! Кенни!
00:18:24,212 --> 00:18:25,262 Растение!
00:18:25,682 --> 00:18:30,092 Простите! Я только что нашёл последнюю страницу завещания Кенни.
00:18:32,212 --> 00:18:32,812 Что?
00:18:33,372 --> 00:18:36,992 Я нашёл страницу, в которой Кенни указывает своё желание касательно искусственного жизнеобеспечения.
00:18:37,462 --> 00:18:38,992 Ну, и что там написано?
00:18:40,122 --> 00:18:46,352 Если я когда-нибудь окажусь в вегетативном состоянии и буду лежать на искусственном обеспечении, то, пожалуйста,...
00:18:48,422 --> 00:18:53,642 ради всего святого, не показывайте меня в этом состоянии по национальному телевидению.
00:18:56,962 --> 00:18:58,622 У-у-у..
00:18:59,282 --> 00:19:00,422 Ууупс.
00:19:02,482 --> 00:19:05,912 О, Боже. Может быть, стоит оставить всё как есть.
00:19:06,132 --> 00:19:10,262 Всё так сложно, что... может быть, нужно просто позволить Кенни умереть.
00:19:10,662 --> 00:19:12,322 Ты хочешь сказать, что сторона Картмана права?
00:19:12,792 --> 00:19:15,182 Сторона Картмана оказалась права, преследуя ошибочные цели.
00:19:15,182 --> 00:19:18,222 А мы оказались неправы, руководствуясь благими намерениями.
00:19:18,432 --> 00:19:19,422 Точно.
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:21,912 Идёмте. Я думаю, Кенни хочет, чтобы его оставили в покое.
00:19:28,422 --> 00:19:32,002 Мы только что получили сообщение о том, что Кенни МакКормик... скончался.
00:19:32,352 --> 00:19:36,352 Споры в Америке до сих пор ещё не утихли, но, по крайней мере, Кенни сейчас
00:19:36,442 --> 00:19:38,602 в более спокойном месте.
00:19:40,332 --> 00:19:41,772 Войско Сатаны прорвалось сквозь ворота!
00:19:42,162 --> 00:19:43,622 Мы умрём!!!
00:19:44,032 --> 00:19:45,732 Отряды, к бою!
00:19:45,942 --> 00:19:47,172 Командовать буду я, как смогу!
00:19:47,812 --> 00:19:51,302 Михаил! Михаил! Люди наконец-то сделали правильную вещь!
00:19:51,702 --> 00:19:53,552 О Боже мой, они убили Кенни!
00:19:53,762 --> 00:19:55,312 На командный пункт его, быстро!
00:19:55,812 --> 00:19:58,452 Войско Сатаны нападает! Направляй наши отряды Кенни!
00:20:00,192 --> 00:20:01,482 Началось.
00:20:01,772 --> 00:20:06,112 Разворачивается последняя битва между Раем и Адом!
00:20:12,042 --> 00:20:13,272 ДА, молодец, Кенни!
00:20:13,272 --> 00:20:15,962 Ангелы-копьеносцы уничтожают демонических душегубов!
00:20:17,492 --> 00:20:20,152 О, ангельская конница сталкивается с Чёрными Рыцарями!
00:20:21,122 --> 00:20:23,662 О, Боже! Боже, это же эпическая битва!
00:20:24,952 --> 00:20:26,952 Ооо, они вводят демонических драконов!
00:20:26,952 --> 00:20:28,442 Какие здоровенные!
00:20:31,072 --> 00:20:34,672 Господи, это даже масштабней чем последняя битва во "Властелине Колец"!
00:20:34,922 --> 00:20:37,422 Это, это В ДЕСЯТЬ раз масштабней!
00:20:39,142 --> 00:20:42,032 Нет! НЕТ! Почему мы проигрываем?
00:20:42,312 --> 00:20:45,312 Душа ребёнка в раю! Это секретное оружие Бога!
00:20:45,402 --> 00:20:46,712 Отступаем!
00:20:47,012 --> 00:20:48,302 Потерпите, Господин!
00:20:48,792 --> 00:20:51,142 Нет, Кевин! Хватит! Между нами всё кончено!
00:20:54,352 --> 00:20:57,312 Ура! Да, Кенни! Сатана отступает!
00:20:57,672 --> 00:20:59,612 На это стоит посмотреть!
00:20:59,772 --> 00:21:01,072 О, ну почему у меня нет видеокамеры!
00:21:03,822 --> 00:21:04,672 Ура, мы победили!
00:21:04,842 --> 00:21:07,022 Мы победили войско Сатаны!
00:21:11,742 --> 00:21:15,282 Кенни! Да благословит тебя Бог! Ты спас Небеса!
00:21:15,592 --> 00:21:21,762 Кенни! Мы хотим сделать тебе особенный подарок за всё то, что ты сделал.
00:21:22,022 --> 00:21:25,972 За спасение всей Вселенной от сил зла мы дарим тебе это...
00:21:28,532 --> 00:21:30,582 Статую Киану Ривза.
00:21:31,482 --> 00:21:32,932 Поздравляем.
00:21:35,842 --> 00:21:37,352 Замечания (и благодарности ;)) по переводу и синхронизации слать на vlish@gorodok.net и hellios@gorodok.net
00:21:37,532 --> 00:21:40,902 Все русские субтитры к Саут-Парку на http://sp.gorodok.net

00:00:08,968 --> 00:00:12,388 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:14,056 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:15,641 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:18,853 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:18,978 --> 00:00:20,563 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,440 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
00:00:22,565 --> 00:00:25,443 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:25,568 --> 00:00:28,946 Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
00:00:29,071 --> 00:00:33,325 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
00:00:38,247 --> 00:00:39,999 Mom! Mom, get up! We have to go!
00:00:40,124 --> 00:00:41,000 Mom, get up!
00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:43,127 Oh, poopykins, it's very early.
00:00:43,252 --> 00:00:44,503 Mom, I told you --
00:00:44,628 --> 00:00:47,506 The new Sony PSP game machine goes on sale at 7:00 a.m. today.
00:00:47,631 --> 00:00:49,050 I have to be the first to get one.
00:00:49,175 --> 00:00:50,134 Come on!
00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:52,011 Sweetie, can't we go after school?
00:00:52,136 --> 00:00:53,929 Everyone's moms are taking their kids after school.
00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:55,181 We're outsmarting everyone
00:00:55,306 --> 00:00:56,599 by getting to the store right when it opens.
00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:57,516 Let's go!
00:00:58,976 --> 00:01:00,811 I can't wait to see the look on everyone's faces
00:01:00,936 --> 00:01:02,396 when I show up to school with a PSP.
00:01:02,521 --> 00:01:03,731 I wonder if Kyle will cry.
00:01:03,856 --> 00:01:06,067 Oh, please, let Kyle cry.
00:01:08,527 --> 00:01:10,613 What the hell?!
00:01:16,202 --> 00:01:17,828 Kenny, when did you get here?
00:01:17,953 --> 00:01:18,704 Mrph rm.
00:01:18,829 --> 00:01:21,499 Friday?! Aw, Jesus!
00:01:21,624 --> 00:01:23,709 I'll just... sort of get in -- in here.
00:01:23,834 --> 00:01:25,753 Hey, dickhole, what do you think you're doing?
00:01:25,878 --> 00:01:27,755 Uh, my friend Kenny was saving my place in line.
00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:29,757 There's no saving places, fourthie.
00:01:29,882 --> 00:01:31,926 Get to the back or we'll beat your face in.
00:01:32,051 --> 00:01:33,886 Oh, God damn it!
00:01:36,889 --> 00:01:39,433 They'd better not sell out.
00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:45,940 That thing is pretty cool. What games did you get with it?
00:01:46,065 --> 00:01:47,691 It's a game called Heaven vs. Hell.
00:01:47,817 --> 00:01:48,984 Kenny commands the armies of heaven
00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:50,986 against the forces of Satan.
00:01:52,905 --> 00:01:54,448 Dude, you see what Kenny got?
00:01:54,573 --> 00:01:56,575 Yes, yes! I know! Up yours, Kyle!
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:57,910 W-What'd I do?
00:01:58,035 --> 00:01:59,870 Just shut your Jew mouth!
00:01:59,995 --> 00:02:03,541 MAN: Congratulations! You have reached level 9.
00:02:03,666 --> 00:02:05,167 Wow! Level 9 already?
00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:07,044 Dude, you kick ass at Heaven vs. Hell.
00:02:07,169 --> 00:02:09,296 Yeah, Kenny finally found something he's really good at.
00:02:09,421 --> 00:02:12,299 [ Up-tempo funk music plays ]
00:02:23,227 --> 00:02:25,563 [ Music continues ]
00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:39,201 Kenny?
00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:41,787 Kenny, are you still playing with that thing?
00:02:41,912 --> 00:02:44,540 Kenny, it's been two weeks, and you've done nothing else.
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:45,833 Mrph rmhmhm rm!
00:02:45,958 --> 00:02:48,335 Who cares if you almost made it to level 60?!
00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:50,337 You're wasting your life, Kenny!
00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:53,090 If you died tomorrow, what would you have to show for it?
00:02:53,215 --> 00:02:55,384 You're gonna end up wishing you'd done more with your life,
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:57,636 just like your deadbeat father!
00:02:57,761 --> 00:02:59,013 KENNY'S DAD: Hey, I heard that, bitch!
00:02:59,138 --> 00:03:00,806 I wasn't talking to you, asshole!
00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:02,808 How about I come in there and kick your teeth in?!
00:03:02,933 --> 00:03:03,976 I'd like to see you try!
00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:06,604 KENNY'S DAD: You have to smart off to me in my own house?!
00:03:06,729 --> 00:03:09,064 KENNY'S MOM: It's my house, too, you no-good loser!
00:03:09,190 --> 00:03:11,525 MAN: You have reached level 60!
00:03:11,650 --> 00:03:12,526 Mrph!
00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:14,153 Mrph rm! Mrph rmhmhm!
00:03:14,278 --> 00:03:15,321 Mrph rmhmhm --
00:03:18,157 --> 00:03:21,410 Oh, yeah! Level 4! Sweet!
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:23,621 [ Birds chirping ]
00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:28,250 Mrph rmhmhm rm.
00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:29,543 Mrph rmhmhm rm!
00:03:29,668 --> 00:03:31,212 Mrph rm! Mrph rm!
00:03:31,337 --> 00:03:33,547 Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
00:03:33,672 --> 00:03:35,466 Mrph rm!
00:03:35,591 --> 00:03:38,093 [ Woman vocalizing ]
00:03:48,062 --> 00:03:49,480 MAN: Open the gate!
00:03:49,605 --> 00:03:51,607 MAN: Open the gate!
00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:55,611 [ Bells chime ]
00:03:59,031 --> 00:04:01,367 Welcome to the kingdom of heaven, Kenny.
00:04:01,492 --> 00:04:03,452 I am Peter.
00:04:04,078 --> 00:04:06,413 Mrph rmh mrph rmphm?
00:04:06,538 --> 00:04:08,082 There isn't much time, Kenny.
00:04:08,207 --> 00:04:11,168 You are dead, but your death was no accident.
00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:13,003 Heaven needs you.
00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:14,797 Mrph?
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:17,424 Come. There's much to discuss.
00:04:19,635 --> 00:04:22,096 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
00:04:27,726 --> 00:04:29,853 Things are not good in heaven, Kenny.
00:04:29,979 --> 00:04:31,772 Satan is planning a massive attack,
00:04:31,897 --> 00:04:34,275 and he knows we are too few in number to stop him.
00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:36,068 God has changed the rules here.
00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:38,445 For ages, only Mormons were allowed into heaven.
00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:39,530 - Hey! - Hi there!
00:04:39,655 --> 00:04:41,198 - Hello! - Oh, hi!
00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:43,242 But knowing that hell was becoming much larger,
00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:45,077 God decided to let more people cross over
00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:46,912 so that he could build an army as well --
00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:49,707 an army that you must command.
00:04:49,832 --> 00:04:51,125 Mrph rm?!
00:04:51,709 --> 00:04:55,296 The Sony PSP was built by God to determine who on earth
00:04:55,421 --> 00:04:57,965 had the best skills to defeat the armies of Satan.
00:04:58,090 --> 00:04:59,758 You are the best.
00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:03,262 You are the only hope for the universe.
00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:07,141 Satan's army grows as we speak.
00:05:07,266 --> 00:05:10,227 The dark lord knows that our armies are few in number
00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:15,357 and unorganized, so our only hope is perfect strategy.
00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:18,610 A child? This is God's solution?
00:05:18,736 --> 00:05:21,947 He beat Satan's army in over 3,000 separate simulations.
00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:24,658 Archangel Michael, what say you?
00:05:24,783 --> 00:05:27,786 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:30,122 The child did something none of us could --
00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:32,291 reach level 60 on the PSP.
00:05:32,416 --> 00:05:34,293 I don't know if that's luck or perseverance,
00:05:34,418 --> 00:05:36,086 but it's goddamned impressive.
00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:39,631 All right, Kenny, let me show you what we're up against.
00:05:40,758 --> 00:05:43,385 This is the kingdom of heaven.
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:46,388 Satan's army will attack the gates here.
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:49,308 They are 10 billion in number, maybe more.
00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:50,809 [ Sniffs ]
00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:54,521 Our armies are here, here, and here --
00:05:54,646 --> 00:05:57,191 just under 10,000 strong.
00:05:57,316 --> 00:05:59,109 [ Sniffs ]
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,403 We are outnumbered and in need of someone
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:04,907 who can single-handedly bring the whole dark empire down.
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:09,453 Basically, Kenny, you are Keanu Reeves.
00:06:11,747 --> 00:06:14,041 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:06:23,926 --> 00:06:29,973 My fellow damned souls, now is the time for our assault.
00:06:30,099 --> 00:06:31,016 [ Roaring ]
00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:32,643 You know no fear!
00:06:32,768 --> 00:06:36,105 You will drink the blood of angels!
00:06:36,230 --> 00:06:39,358 We go now! Nothing can stop us!
00:06:39,942 --> 00:06:42,736 Move aside! Step aside, I say!
00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:45,447 Satan, God has mocked Thee once again.
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:47,324 My spy.
00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:49,785 God has found a way to defeat your army.
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,245 Impossible. How?
00:06:51,370 --> 00:06:52,454 A young man.
00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:56,208 Basically, he -- he's like Keanu Reeves.
00:06:56,792 --> 00:06:58,877 Oh, Jesus Christ.
00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:01,839 My lord. My lord, we must attack now.
00:07:01,964 --> 00:07:04,633 What's the point? They have a Keanu Reeves now.
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:07,511 Do not fear, my lord. Your army is great.
00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:08,929 Very well.
00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:12,266 Demon army, begin your march on heaven.
00:07:12,391 --> 00:07:15,227 [ Roaring ]
00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:18,355 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:21,191 MICHAEL: Up here you get the best tactical view
00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:22,484 to protect the fortress.
00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:23,610 It is from here, Kenny,
00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:25,654 that you shall command the armies of heaven.
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,948 Mrph? Mrph rmh rmphm?
00:07:28,073 --> 00:07:28,866 Simple.
00:07:28,991 --> 00:07:30,993 You will use...this.
00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:34,413 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:38,876 This golden PSP is king of all PSPs.
00:07:39,001 --> 00:07:41,128 ALL: Hail the Holy PSP.
00:07:41,253 --> 00:07:43,422 It works just like the ones we sent to earth.
00:07:43,547 --> 00:07:44,798 All the commands you make
00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:47,259 will be sent to the troops down on the battlefield.
00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:49,386 All you have to do is play the game, Kenny.
00:07:49,511 --> 00:07:52,890 Only this time, it's for reals.
00:07:53,015 --> 00:07:55,267 Gabriel returns with news.
00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:58,103 Hell's army is departing.
00:07:58,228 --> 00:08:00,147 They head now for the gates of heaven.
00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:02,983 Prepare the troops! We must be ready for them!
00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:04,109 The time is at hand, Kenny.
00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:05,694 The stage is set, and the final battle
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,488 between heaven and hell is about to begin!
00:08:07,613 --> 00:08:10,157 The fate of the outcome is in your hands.
00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:13,535 Where'd he go?
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:14,536 [ Monitor beeping ]
00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:16,705 Doctor! Doctor, we have a pulse!
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:19,082 Then that's it! We've brought him back.
00:08:19,208 --> 00:08:20,542 Amazing, Doctor.
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:21,877 You've revived somebody
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:24,254 who's been legally dead for almost a day.
00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:25,589 Call the parents.
00:08:25,714 --> 00:08:30,677 They're going to be shocked to find out their son is alive.
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:35,724 It's the latest in electroplastilical science.
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:38,227 Your son's organs are all functioning again.
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,229 It's a miracle.
00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:41,939 Kenny, you're alive.
00:08:42,064 --> 00:08:43,941 I'm afraid he can't respond to you.
00:08:44,066 --> 00:08:45,692 You see, being dead for that long,
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:48,570 most of Kenny's brain cells died from lack of oxygen.
00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:49,738 Your son is alive
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:53,534 but in what we call a persistive vegetative state.
00:08:53,659 --> 00:08:55,035 Will he ever recover?
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:56,328 I'm afraid no.
00:08:56,453 --> 00:08:58,664 Brain cells cannot be repaired once dead.
00:08:58,789 --> 00:09:01,208 But his soul is still in here.
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:03,877 Almost trapped in here, if you will.
00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:06,004 Kenny is the same as he ever was.
00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:10,217 It's just that now he's more like...a tomato.
00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:13,095 He can't move on his own? How will he eat?
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:14,513 A feeding tube.
00:09:14,638 --> 00:09:17,266 It pumps a nutrient paste directly into Kenny's stomach.
00:09:17,391 --> 00:09:19,685 With it we can actually keep Kenny the tomato
00:09:19,810 --> 00:09:21,228 alive for years.
00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:24,898 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:09:25,023 --> 00:09:27,276 A feeding tube?
00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:30,862 Yes. Apparently they're using machines to keep him alive.
00:09:30,988 --> 00:09:33,073 But that's not natural!
00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:36,201 God intended Kenny to die! What are these people doing?!
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:40,080 The child's soul is now trapped inside his vegetative body.
00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:42,833 We have no one to command the troops with the PSP.
00:09:42,958 --> 00:09:45,085 And Satan's armies are approaching.
00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:48,297 Oh, God damn it.
00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:54,469 Boys, I want to thank you for coming down to my office
00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:56,221 on such short notice.
00:09:58,140 --> 00:09:59,558 Are we in trouble or something?
00:09:59,683 --> 00:10:01,560 No. Boys, I'm a lawyer.
00:10:01,685 --> 00:10:03,270 Your friend Kenny passed away,
00:10:03,395 --> 00:10:05,647 and I've called you here to read his will.
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:06,857 Kenny had a will?
00:10:06,982 --> 00:10:07,983 [ Clears throat ]
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,110 "In the highly likely event of my death,
00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:12,904 I, Kenny McCormick, wish to leave all my belongings
00:10:13,030 --> 00:10:15,490 to my good friends Stan and Kyle.
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:19,077 Dudes, you were the best friends a guy could have."
00:10:19,870 --> 00:10:20,746 Oh, wow.
00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:22,956 That's...really touching.
00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:24,166 Fags.
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:28,128 "To Eric Cartman -- Eric, I never really liked you.
00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:29,838 But, then, nobody does.
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,923 You have no ability to feel,
00:10:32,049 --> 00:10:34,635 and you are going to die alone and miserable.
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:37,387 It is only because I feel so sorry for you
00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:39,848 that I leave you my Sony PSP."
00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:42,601 Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah, baby!
00:10:42,726 --> 00:10:44,770 Who's the man?! Who's the man?!
00:10:44,895 --> 00:10:47,439 "There is one more thing I would like to ask you all
00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:48,940 as my friends.
00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:51,777 If I should ever be in a vegetative state
00:10:51,902 --> 00:10:55,781 and kept alive on life support, please..."
00:10:59,368 --> 00:11:00,327 Please what?
00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:04,247 I don't know. I lost the last page.
00:11:04,373 --> 00:11:05,749 Who cares?! Kenny's dead!
00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:07,793 When do I take possession of my PSP, sir?
00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:10,087 It's right here, along with Kenny's other belongings.
00:11:10,212 --> 00:11:11,380 They're all yours.
00:11:13,131 --> 00:11:14,466 Yes.
00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:16,301 - He's alive! - What?
00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:19,554 Kenny McCormick! He's alive at the hospital!
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,014 Oh, my God!
00:11:24,309 --> 00:11:27,604 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:35,779 Your army nears the kingdom of heaven, my lord.
00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:37,572 I don't know if we should continue
00:11:37,698 --> 00:11:40,742 without knowing more about this Keanu Reeves God has.
00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:43,286 Satan, I come bearing good news.
00:11:43,412 --> 00:11:46,164 The Keanu Reeves boy has been revived on earth.
00:11:46,289 --> 00:11:48,291 His soul is no longer in heaven.
00:11:48,959 --> 00:11:51,712 Then God is helpless.
00:11:51,837 --> 00:11:53,672 Full march to the gates of heaven!
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:56,466 Victory is ours!
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:00,095 Kenny?
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:01,722 Kenny, you're alive!
00:12:01,847 --> 00:12:03,890 Dude, how'd you do that?
00:12:04,015 --> 00:12:05,976 He can't respond to you, boys.
00:12:06,101 --> 00:12:08,729 Being dead for that long caused severe damage to his brain.
00:12:08,854 --> 00:12:10,814 Well -- Well, then he's <i>not</i> alive.
00:12:10,939 --> 00:12:13,608 He's alive. He smiled when I talked to him.
00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:14,901 I think.
00:12:15,026 --> 00:12:16,069 That's not Kenny!
00:12:16,194 --> 00:12:18,280 Kenny sniffs paint and sets things on fire. Here. Look.
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:21,575 Kenny? Kenny, look. You want a dollar?
00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:22,951 I don't know if it's right
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,870 to keep Kenny alive on that machine.
00:12:24,995 --> 00:12:27,414 I-I just -- I don't know what he would want.
00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:29,207 Yeah. The lawyer lost that page.
00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:30,333 Oh, I just remembered!
00:12:30,459 --> 00:12:31,877 Kenny told me this one time
00:12:32,002 --> 00:12:34,337 that he wouldn't want to be kept alive by a feeding tube.
00:12:34,463 --> 00:12:35,380 He did? When?
00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:38,091 Um, it was, um, this one time.
00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:39,593 He did not say that.
00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:42,012 You just want him dead so you can have his stupid PSP!
00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:43,930 Stupid? PSP is stupid?!
00:12:44,055 --> 00:12:45,182 Did you all hear that?!
00:12:45,307 --> 00:12:47,684 I mean -- I mean this isn't about PSP, Kyle.
00:12:47,809 --> 00:12:49,728 This is about my friend and his wishes.
00:12:49,853 --> 00:12:51,521 And Kenny said he didn't want to live like this.
00:12:51,646 --> 00:12:52,689 - He did not! - Did so!
00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:53,774 - Did not! - Fine!
00:12:53,899 --> 00:12:55,358 We'll see about this, you frickin' Jew!
00:12:55,484 --> 00:12:57,110 I'm gonna get that feeding tube removed
00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:59,696 if I have to go all the way to the Supreme Court!
00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:01,907 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
00:13:03,617 --> 00:13:05,619 Satan's army has crossed over the plains of limbo.
00:13:05,744 --> 00:13:07,204 Then they will be here on the morrow.
00:13:07,329 --> 00:13:08,413 Without Kenny's soul here,
00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:10,749 there will be nobody who can use the Holy PSP.
00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:13,543 No! There <i>is</i> another.
00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:16,755 A Japanese boy did make it to level 59.
00:13:18,215 --> 00:13:19,883 Are you stupid, Uriel?
00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:22,093 Japanese people don't have souls.
00:13:22,219 --> 00:13:22,928 - Yeah! - Yeah!
00:13:23,053 --> 00:13:24,387 - Yeah! - Yeah, Uriel.
00:13:24,513 --> 00:13:25,972 Oh, right, right. I'm sorry.
00:13:26,097 --> 00:13:29,184 Kenny remains our only hope. Here is what we must do.
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,061 Gabriel and Uriel, you go down to earth
00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:32,646 and try to get that feeding tube removed.
00:13:32,771 --> 00:13:34,564 In the meantime... [ Sniffs ]
00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:36,483 ...we will put all our troops at heaven's gate.
00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:38,735 We will try to keep hell's army from breaking through
00:13:38,860 --> 00:13:39,861 as long as possible.
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,029 [ Sniffs ]
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,864 Hopefully, it will be long enough
00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:45,867 to get our Keanu Reeves back.
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:47,035 [ Birds chirping ]
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,162 You see, Your Honors, I was the only one
00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:51,331 that Kenny McCormick told his wishes to.
00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:52,749 And Kenny told me specifically
00:13:52,874 --> 00:13:55,418 that he would never want to be kept alive on machines.
00:13:55,544 --> 00:13:58,004 What they are doing to him is not right.
00:13:58,588 --> 00:13:59,923 Well, I'm sorry, young man,
00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:01,925 but the parents want their child kept alive.
00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:04,177 I don't believe you have any legal authority here.
00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:06,137 I do have legal authority, Your Honor.
00:14:06,263 --> 00:14:10,600 You see, I was Kenny's BFF.
00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:12,435 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:14,104 Best friends forever?
00:14:14,229 --> 00:14:14,980 That's right.
00:14:15,105 --> 00:14:16,731 Kenny and I have been BFFs since first grade.
00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:18,233 Here. Look.
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,694 Kenny has the other half of this BFF necklace.
00:14:20,819 --> 00:14:22,571 I believe you all know what that means
00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:24,948 and how serious this is.
00:14:25,615 --> 00:14:29,202 Look, Kenny. Your friends are here to visit you again.
00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:31,079 But this just doesn't seem right.
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:32,706 W-What's the matter, Doctor?
00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:34,541 I'm afraid I've been given a court order
00:14:34,666 --> 00:14:36,126 to remove Kenny's feeding tube.
00:14:36,251 --> 00:14:37,002 What?
00:14:37,127 --> 00:14:38,295 He's right in here.
00:14:38,420 --> 00:14:39,212 Cartman!
00:14:39,337 --> 00:14:41,006 Kenny's BFF says
00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:43,466 that Kenny didn't want to be kept alive artificially.
00:14:43,592 --> 00:14:46,177 The courts have determined we must obey his wish.
00:14:46,303 --> 00:14:48,430 Cartman is not Kenny's BFF!
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:50,223 Sir, take a look at this.
00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:52,517 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,895 That's all the verification we need.
00:14:55,020 --> 00:14:56,479 Pull the feeding tube, Doctor.
00:14:56,605 --> 00:14:57,814 No, Doctor, you can't!
00:14:57,939 --> 00:15:00,483 I'm sorry. I have no choice.
00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:06,781 GABRIEL: Here is the hospital.
00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:07,991 This is hopeless, Gabriel.
00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:09,701 We cannot interact with anything on earth.
00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:11,703 How can we possibly get a feeding tube removed?
00:15:12,287 --> 00:15:14,456 That dirty, evil, no-good son of a bitch!
00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:16,333 Now that Cartman got Kenny's feeding tube out,
00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:17,834 he's gonna die for sure.
00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:19,336 The tube has been removed?
00:15:19,461 --> 00:15:21,713 How can they let an 8-year-old decide Kenny's fate?
00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:24,132 Apparently some blessed child has done our work for us.
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,258 Good.
00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:27,177 Now all we must do is pray nobody interferes
00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:28,845 with the child's death a second time.
00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:30,305 Dude, we have to do whatever we can
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,848 to get that feeding tube put back in.
00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:33,308 - Yeah. - No!
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:34,893 Let's go to the, uh, media.
00:15:35,018 --> 00:15:36,311 We'll make everyone in the country know
00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:37,312 they're killing Kenny.
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:38,355 Yeah! Come on!
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:40,023 No. No. No! Boys!
00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:41,983 Aw, God damn it!
00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:45,695 MAN: This is HBC news.
00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:47,489 [ Mid-tempo music plays ]
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:50,492 A right-to-die debate is heating up in Colorado,
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,118 where Kenny McCormick's feeding tube
00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:54,496 has been removed by his BFF.
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:56,998 Two boys are bringing national attention to the story
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:59,417 by protesting outside the hospital.
00:16:00,669 --> 00:16:01,753 Don't kill Kenny!
00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:02,963 ALL: You bastards!
00:16:03,088 --> 00:16:04,506 Don't kill Kenny!
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:05,757 ALL: You bastards!
00:16:05,882 --> 00:16:07,384 No! No, they're not killing him.
00:16:07,509 --> 00:16:08,635 They're letting him die!
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:11,304 You bureaucrats have no right to play God
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:12,847 and take that tube out!
00:16:12,973 --> 00:16:14,516 No, no. See, they were playing God
00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:16,267 when they put the feeding tube <i>in.</i>
00:16:16,393 --> 00:16:19,145 A woman was arrested for trying to bring food to the patient.
00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:21,940 Get your man hands off of me!
00:16:22,065 --> 00:16:23,817 However, a growing number of people
00:16:23,942 --> 00:16:27,237 are also standing behind Kenny's BFF, Eric Cartman.
00:16:27,362 --> 00:16:30,532 We must respect the wishes of people's BFFs.
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:34,536 Otherwise, all our BFF necklaces would become meaningless.
00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:36,204 We all have BFFs,
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:39,582 and we believe a BFF is the highest legal authority.
00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:42,460 That's right. Respect our authoritah.
00:16:42,585 --> 00:16:45,046 What mockery is this?!
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:46,464 My lord?
00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:48,008 The feeding tube has been pulled.
00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:50,260 If the child dies and his soul returns to heaven,
00:16:50,385 --> 00:16:52,303 God will have his Keanu Reeves.
00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:55,348 Perhaps the child won't die in time.
00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:57,100 Forget it! I'm calling the attack off.
00:16:57,225 --> 00:16:58,101 No!
00:16:58,226 --> 00:17:00,729 Keep your army marching, my lord.
00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:04,065 I will get that feeding tube put back in.
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:05,400 How?
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:09,320 I will do what we always do -- use the Republicans.
00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:13,742 We Republicans are deeply saddened
00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:15,952 by the tragic events in Colorado.
00:17:16,077 --> 00:17:18,038 [ Cheering ]
00:17:18,163 --> 00:17:21,708 Removing the feeding tube is murder. [ Hisses ]
00:17:21,833 --> 00:17:24,419 Removing the feeding tube is murder.
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:27,422 Who are we to decide that Kenny should live or die?
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:30,842 Who are we to decide that Kenny should live or die?
00:17:30,967 --> 00:17:33,261 It is God's will that he live. [ Hisses ]
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,513 It is God's will that he live!
00:17:35,638 --> 00:17:37,098 [ Hisses ]
00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:39,142 [ Imitates hissing ]
00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:40,685 No, no. You don't say that part.
00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:41,644 [ Hisses ]
00:17:41,770 --> 00:17:43,772 No, no. You don't say that part.
00:17:43,897 --> 00:17:45,148 [ Imitates hissing ]
00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:58,203 Jesus. Their army is massive.
00:17:58,328 --> 00:18:00,413 Heaven help us.
00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:03,458 The biggest battle of all time is about to begin --
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:05,168 the battle of the feeding tube --
00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:07,337 as people on both sides of the argument
00:18:07,462 --> 00:18:08,838 vie for media attention.
00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:10,924 [ Indistinct shouting ]
00:18:11,049 --> 00:18:13,843 We want all the country to see that Kenny is alive and in pain.
00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:16,346 I believe the people at home can see he's not in pain
00:18:16,471 --> 00:18:17,472 because he's a tomato.
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,432 You say tomato, but I say Kenny!
00:18:19,557 --> 00:18:21,184 You say Kenny, but I say tomato!
00:18:21,309 --> 00:18:22,769 - Tomato! - Kenny!
00:18:22,894 --> 00:18:25,021 - Kenny! - Tomato!
00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:26,356 Uh, excuse me.
00:18:26,481 --> 00:18:29,651 I, uh, just found the last page of Kenny's will.
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:31,736 [ Monitor beeping ]
00:18:31,861 --> 00:18:32,570 What?
00:18:32,695 --> 00:18:35,323 I found the page where Kenny specified his wishes
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:37,075 about being on life support.
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,952 Well, what does it say?
00:18:39,077 --> 00:18:41,079 [ Clears throat ] "If I should ever be
00:18:41,204 --> 00:18:45,083 in a vegetative state and kept alive on life support,
00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:46,626 please...
00:18:48,002 --> 00:18:51,464 ...for the love of God, don't ever show me in that condition
00:18:51,589 --> 00:18:53,925 on national television."
00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:58,263 Ooh.
00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:00,223 Whoops.
00:19:00,348 --> 00:19:01,975 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:03,309 Oh, geez.
00:19:03,434 --> 00:19:05,353 Maybe we let this thing get out of hand.
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:06,813 This issue is so complicated,
00:19:06,938 --> 00:19:10,108 but maybe we <i>should</i> just let Kenny go in peace.
00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:12,235 You mean Cartman's side is right?
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:14,863 Cartman's side is right for the wrong reasons,
00:19:14,988 --> 00:19:17,740 but we're wrong for the right reasons.
00:19:17,866 --> 00:19:18,825 ALL: Yeah.
00:19:18,950 --> 00:19:19,951 Come on, everybody.
00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:22,287 I think Kenny wants to be left alone.
00:19:24,706 --> 00:19:26,708 [ Music continues ]
00:19:27,792 --> 00:19:31,921 We've just received word that Kenny McCormick has passed away.
00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:34,007 The debate still rages on in America,
00:19:34,132 --> 00:19:38,887 but at least now Kenny is in a much more peaceful place.
00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:41,472 Satan's army has broken through the gates!
00:19:41,598 --> 00:19:43,183 We're gonna die!
00:19:43,308 --> 00:19:45,226 Send all troops to the battlefield.
00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:47,061 I will command as best I can.
00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:48,605 Michael! Michael!
00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:51,149 The humans finally did the right thing!
00:19:51,274 --> 00:19:53,151 Oh, my God. They killed Kenny!
00:19:53,276 --> 00:19:54,903 Get him into the command station! Hurry!
00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:56,446 Satan's army charges.
00:19:56,571 --> 00:19:58,156 Tell our troops what to do, Kenny.
00:19:58,281 --> 00:19:59,741 [ Beeping ]
00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:01,075 So it begins.
00:20:01,201 --> 00:20:03,369 Now we shall see the final battle
00:20:03,494 --> 00:20:06,122 between heaven and hell play out.
00:20:07,457 --> 00:20:09,751 [ Beeping continues ]
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:12,795 Yes! Good, Kenny.
00:20:12,921 --> 00:20:15,215 The angel spearmen are taking out their demon soulrippers.
00:20:15,340 --> 00:20:16,966 [ Indistinct shouting, metal clashing ]
00:20:17,091 --> 00:20:18,551 Oh, the calvary angels are clashing
00:20:18,676 --> 00:20:20,345 with their black knights.
00:20:20,470 --> 00:20:23,389 Oh, my God! My God, this battle is epic!
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:26,476 Oh, they're bringing in their demon dragons.
00:20:26,601 --> 00:20:28,603 Look at the size of them!
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:32,899 My God, this is even bigger than the final battle
00:20:33,024 --> 00:20:34,359 in the "Lord of the Rings" movie!
00:20:34,484 --> 00:20:37,153 It's like -- it's like 10 times bigger than that battle.
00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:41,908 No! No! How are we losing?
00:20:42,033 --> 00:20:45,078 The child's soul is in heaven! God has his secret weapon!
00:20:45,203 --> 00:20:46,496 Full retreat!
00:20:46,621 --> 00:20:47,747 Patience, my lord.
00:20:47,872 --> 00:20:48,748 No, Kevin!
00:20:48,873 --> 00:20:51,292 That's it -- I'm breaking up with you!
00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:53,294 [ Hisses ]
00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:55,129 Yes. Yes, Kenny!
00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:57,006 Satan's forces are retreating!
00:20:57,131 --> 00:20:59,133 This is truly a sight to behold.
00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:01,177 Oh, I wish I had a camcorder!
00:21:03,137 --> 00:21:04,514 We have done it!
00:21:04,639 --> 00:21:07,058 We have defeated the armies of Satan!
00:21:08,309 --> 00:21:10,520 ALL: Yay!
00:21:11,396 --> 00:21:13,106 Kenny, bless your soul!
00:21:13,231 --> 00:21:14,899 You've saved all of heaven!
00:21:15,024 --> 00:21:16,234 Yes, Kenny.
00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:18,152 And to thank you for what you've done,
00:21:18,278 --> 00:21:21,364 we are going to give you a very special gift.
00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:24,242 For saving the entire universe from the forces of evil,
00:21:24,367 --> 00:21:26,911 we give you this...
00:21:28,162 --> 00:21:31,082 ...Keanu Reeves statue.
00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:33,209 Congratulations.

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