Новая модная вагина мистера Гаррисона — Мистеру Гаррисону делают операцию по смене пола, и теперь он — миссис Гаррисон. Тем самым он невольно подсказывает Кайлу, как можно попасть в баскетбольную команду штата.

Предыдущая серия S08 E14 Рождество у лесных тварей

Следующая серия S09 E02 Сдохни, хиппи, сдохни

Новая модная вагина мистера Гаррисона

Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina

Сезон: 09Серия: 01

Описание

Мистеру Гаррисону делают операцию по смене пола, и теперь он — миссис Гаррисон. Тем самым он невольно подсказывает Кайлу, как можно попасть в баскетбольную команду штата.

Субтитры

00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:13,270 Эпизод 901 - Новенькая вагина мистера Гаррисона
00:00:38,050 --> 00:00:39,970 Медицинский Центр Тринидада.
00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:45,770 Здравствуйте, мистер Гаррисон. Меня зовут доктор Байбер. Я буду вас оперировать.
00:00:45,850 --> 00:00:49,630 Благослови вас Бог, доктор. Я знаю, вы мне поможете.
00:00:49,660 --> 00:00:54,360 Итак, вы абсолютно уверены в том, что хотите сделать вагинопластику?
00:00:54,400 --> 00:01:00,600 Всю свою жизнь я был заперт в мужском теле. Операция по смене пола - мой последний шанс на счастье.
00:01:00,630 --> 00:01:02,740 Хорошо, в таком случае, начнём.
00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:10,860 Просто расслабьтесь, мистер Гаррисон. Я думаю, что если бы больше людей увидело операцию по смене пола, они бы поняли, как она естественна.
00:01:11,370 --> 00:01:15,380 Сначала я вскрою вам яйца.
00:01:17,570 --> 00:01:18,090 А, э-х-х. О-о.
00:01:19,670 --> 00:01:23,420 Теперь из открытой мошонки я могу извлечь ваши семенники.
00:01:24,060 --> 00:01:25,340 Прощайте, яйца.
00:01:27,780 --> 00:01:31,860 А теперь я просто продолжу надрез до ствола члена.
00:01:32,380 --> 00:01:33,390 Оно болит.
00:01:33,490 --> 00:01:38,080 А теперь просто... вывернем... член наизнанку.
00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:40,450 О! О, чёрт.
00:01:40,490 --> 00:01:46,540 А теперь нужно всего лишь ...затолкать освежеванный член в ваш... таз...
00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:51,740 А из кожи с члена сделаем половые губы.
00:01:51,970 --> 00:01:53,900 Я похож на женщину?
00:01:55,770 --> 00:01:57,270 Вполне.
00:01:58,230 --> 00:02:03,710 Отборочные соревнования штата по баскетболу. Сегодня!
00:02:05,050 --> 00:02:05,940 Чувак, не нервничай.
00:02:05,980 --> 00:02:09,910 Как я могу не нервничать? Я уже много лет мечтаю попасть в сборную штата.
00:02:09,940 --> 00:02:12,050 Ты лучший игрок в нашей школе. Тебя обязательно возьмут!
00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:14,510 Это просто смешно! Евреи не умеют играть в баскетбол.
00:02:14,550 --> 00:02:16,240 Я надеру твою толстую жопу, Картман!
00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:19,220 Все участники отборочных игр в сборную штата выходят на центральную площадку!
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:20,600 Удачи!
00:02:25,730 --> 00:02:29,300 Хорошо, ребята, вы здесь потому, что вы - лучшие из лучших.
00:02:29,300 --> 00:02:33,360 Вы наверняка очень старались для того, чтобы попасть сюда, поэтому выходите и
00:02:33,410 --> 00:02:34,820 ПОКАЖИТЕ, ЧТО ВЫ УМЕЕТЕ!
00:02:50,610 --> 00:02:53,300 Э, э извините, Бро-Брофловски, правильно?
00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:54,440 Да?
00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:56,440 Можно тебя на минутку?
00:02:58,210 --> 00:03:00,930 Ты, э-э.. Ты лучший игрок в школе, так?
00:03:00,970 --> 00:03:04,140 Ага! Я люблю баскетбол. Когда-нибудь я бы хотел играть за Денвер Наггетс.
00:03:04,170 --> 00:03:09,190 Понятно. Э, послушай, мальчик, у тебя отличные способности и отличный настрой.
00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:12,670 Но ты просто физически.. не подходишь для игры.
00:03:13,690 --> 00:03:14,480 В смысле?
00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:14,640 Ну, просто... В смысле?
00:03:14,640 --> 00:03:15,930 Ну, просто...
00:03:16,420 --> 00:03:18,810 Евреи не умеют играть в баскетбол.
00:03:19,020 --> 00:03:21,610 Давайте, ребята, работаем! Начали!
00:03:31,050 --> 00:03:32,710 Кайл, ты отлично смотрелся.
00:03:36,020 --> 00:03:38,600 Ты ведь сделал свой коронный бросок, так? Это всё что ты мог сделать.
00:03:52,820 --> 00:03:56,930 Ня-ня-ня-ня-ня-няя! Ты-ты-про-прои-гра-а-ал! Хахахахахаха!
00:04:00,550 --> 00:04:04,380 Кайл, я издеваюсь над тобой в самый неподходящий момент.
00:04:05,460 --> 00:04:07,480 Я знаю. Я это заслужил.
00:04:08,690 --> 00:04:11,250 Да, а знаешь почему? Потому что евреи не умеют играть в баскетбол!
00:04:11,250 --> 00:04:12,360 Ты прав.
00:04:14,190 --> 00:04:15,480 Боже, это не смешно...
00:04:21,280 --> 00:04:23,690 Слушайте все, вы не поверите!
00:04:23,850 --> 00:04:24,890 Во что?
00:04:25,330 --> 00:04:30,100 Это мистер Гаррисон! Только это НЕ мистер Гаррисон! Он.. Он теперь женщина!
00:04:32,220 --> 00:04:33,830 Всем привет!
00:04:36,830 --> 00:04:39,650 Девчонки, вы можете в это поверить? Теперь я одна из ВАС!
00:04:39,650 --> 00:04:42,750 Вау, сколько тампонов!
00:04:43,270 --> 00:04:47,120 Обычные, супер-защита... Чёрт, не могу дождаться, когда у меня начнутся первые месячные!
00:04:51,610 --> 00:04:52,530 Привет, девчонки!
00:04:52,570 --> 00:04:55,910 А вы знаете, какие там распродажи?
00:04:55,940 --> 00:05:00,620 Ну ладно, сейчас я буду в первый раз мочиться через влагалище. Давайте обнимемся. Женская солидарность!
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:03,740 Ну, ладно, приступим.
00:05:05,170 --> 00:05:10,720 Вау! Круто! Смотрите, я мочусь сидя, как изящная, величавая маленькая женщина.
00:05:12,750 --> 00:05:15,700 Девчонки, может быть, как-нибудь посмотрим вместе какой-нибудь печальный фильм?
00:05:21,790 --> 00:05:25,370 А вы пробовали эти новые тампоны с крылышками? Как они, нормальные?
00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:37,590 Кайл, тебе нужно приободриться. У тебя просто неподходящее для баскетбола телосложение.
00:05:37,690 --> 00:05:40,860 Но я чувствую себя баскетболистом. Это единственное, что мне хочется делать.
00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:45,690 Привет, мальчики! Это я, ваша учительница! Миссис Гаррисон!
00:05:47,270 --> 00:05:49,300 Пацаны, у мистера Гаррисона есть сиськи.
00:05:49,330 --> 00:05:51,400 Я сделала операцию по смене пола.
00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:56,070 Мой член теперь стал вагиной, и я в первый раз в жизни ощущаю себя женщиной!
00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:57,510 Увидимся в школе!
00:06:03,690 --> 00:06:06,110 Мам? Пап? А что такое операция по смене пола?
00:06:06,350 --> 00:06:10,730 Что? Эм, ни-ничего. Я, я тебе объясню, когда подрастёшь.
00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:14,590 Но наш учитель, мистер Гаррисон, ему из члена сделали вагину. Как так?
00:06:14,970 --> 00:06:15,920 Члена!
00:06:16,260 --> 00:06:19,240 Ваш учитель сменил пол?? О, боже мой!
00:06:19,280 --> 00:06:20,610 Вагину!
00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:23,390 Ну, хватит! Я забираю вас из этой школы!
00:06:23,430 --> 00:06:28,650 Джеральд, как это недалёко! Нельзя осуждать людей, которые хотят измениться.
00:06:28,690 --> 00:06:32,340 Он ведь учитель! И как же нам объяснить всё это нашим детям?!
00:06:32,380 --> 00:06:33,960 Очень просто.
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:40,260 Знаешь, Кайл, иногда люди снаружи вовсе не такие же, как внутри.
00:06:40,290 --> 00:06:41,980 Да. Понятно.
00:06:42,020 --> 00:06:45,600 И они чувствуют себя так, как будто они заперты в чужом теле.
00:06:45,900 --> 00:06:48,570 И поэтому они могут сделать операцию
00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:53,350 которая поможет им стать теми, кем они себя видят. Ты понимаешь?
00:06:53,390 --> 00:06:55,640 Полностью. Полностью понимаю.
00:06:55,670 --> 00:06:59,200 Вот видишь, Джеральд? Он полностью понимает.
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:04,740 Итак, Вас интересует реконструктивная операция.
00:07:04,780 --> 00:07:07,920 Да. Мой учитель хотел стать женщиной, и вы сделали её из него.
00:07:08,210 --> 00:07:11,920 А, да, мистер Гаррисон. Э, да, ему делали вагинопластику. Угум.
00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:14,560 Так вот, вы другие операции вроде этой делаете?
00:07:14,590 --> 00:07:20,530 Конечно. Иногда женщины хотят стать мужчинами. Такая процедура называется пенипластикой.
00:07:20,890 --> 00:07:22,470 Нет-нет, э, я хочу быть высоким и чёрным.
00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:25,710 ..Что?
00:07:26,050 --> 00:07:29,290 Терпеть не могу быть маленьким и евреистым. Я ощущаю себя высоким чёрным человеком.
00:07:32,940 --> 00:07:35,040 О-о-о! Вам нужна негропластика!
00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:35,720 Да!
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:37,020 Негропластика?
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:42,610 Это вполне обычная процедура; попросту, европластика наоборот, так же как у Майкла Джексона.
00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:43,300 Давайте посмотрим.
00:07:44,140 --> 00:07:50,140 Мы разрежем тебе лицо и отогнём кожу, чтобы поместить внутрь пигментные клетки.
00:07:50,850 --> 00:07:54,490 Для того чтобы удлинить руки, в нескольких местах сломаем кости и сделаем там вставки.
00:07:55,440 --> 00:08:00,530 Так, колени мы вырвем и поместим туда маленькие круглые предметы, чтобы улучшить походку.
00:08:00,530 --> 00:08:04,560 Ну и, наконец, сделаем аккуратную пенипластику, чтобы увеличить гениталии.
00:08:04,570 --> 00:08:08,970 Негропластика занимает около семи часов и стоит примерно три тысячи долларов.
00:08:08,970 --> 00:08:11,730 Э-э, извините, а это действительно разумно?
00:08:12,620 --> 00:08:17,080 Ну, это разумно, если вы хотите стать высоким и чернокожим. Если же нет, то я бы этого не рекомендовал.
00:08:21,050 --> 00:08:22,970 Привет, мистер Мазохист.
00:08:23,140 --> 00:08:26,310 О боже, как я устала. Женщина никогда не знает покоя.
00:08:26,590 --> 00:08:30,280 Я купила тампоны. Совсем скоро у меня начнутся месячные.
00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:34,040 Надеюсь, я не буду слишком нервной и не буду тебя доводить своим ПМС-ом.
00:08:36,290 --> 00:08:39,630 Мистер Мазохист, у меня есть кое-что и для нас.
00:08:40,690 --> 00:08:43,960 Хочешь эту красивую женщину в свою постель?
00:08:43,990 --> 00:08:46,000 Спасибо, нет.
00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:50,460 Сп-спасибо, нет? Ну же, мистер Мазохист, я хочу обновить свою новую дырочку.
00:08:50,490 --> 00:08:55,590 Не могу поверить, что ты взял и сделал эту операцию, даже не спросив моего мнения.
00:08:55,630 --> 00:09:01,950 Я думала, ты поддержишь меня. Я осталась той же, просто теперь у меня вагина вместо члена.
00:09:01,990 --> 00:09:05,330 Но я гей! Мне не нравятся вагины!
00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:09,510 Тебе наплевать на то что я страдала? В том виде я была несчастна!
00:09:09,690 --> 00:09:14,510 То что ты себя чувствуешь лучше - это замечательно, но нужно думать и о том, как будут чувствовать себя окружающие.
00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:18,530 Послушай, мы всё ещё можем быть вместе. Всё что нужно - это чтобы ты перестал быть геем!
00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:21,740 Как ты можешь так говорить?! Ты же сам гей!
00:09:21,910 --> 00:09:24,610 Я не гей! Я женщина!
00:09:26,470 --> 00:09:27,610 Ах, так?!
00:09:27,690 --> 00:09:30,490 Ты вот так вот уходишь! Все вы, мужики, одинаковые!
00:09:30,950 --> 00:09:34,350 Иди, поищи себе кого-нибудь без вагины, пиндос!
00:09:38,680 --> 00:09:40,710 Мам! Пап! У меня отличные новости!
00:09:40,710 --> 00:09:44,340 Доктор, который менял пол мистеру Гаррисону, сказал, что он может сделать меня высоким и чёрным.
00:09:45,570 --> 00:09:46,180 Что??
00:09:46,230 --> 00:09:48,310 Доктор Байбер сказал, что он может сделать мне негропластику,
00:09:48,310 --> 00:09:50,290 так что я наконец смогу стать тем, кем хотел.
00:09:50,370 --> 00:09:54,590 Он даже взял мою фотку и сделал на компьютере картинку того, как я буду выглядеть после операции.
00:09:57,840 --> 00:09:59,230 Замечательно! Видишь, Шейла?!
00:09:59,420 --> 00:10:02,470 Вот до чего довела твоя транссексуальная прогрессивность!
00:10:02,470 --> 00:10:04,010 Теперь наш сын хочет поменять свою расу!
00:10:04,110 --> 00:10:06,420 Можно мне взять три тысячи долларов, а?? Можно??
00:10:06,790 --> 00:10:08,250 Никогда, Кайл!
00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:12,820 Но почему? Ты же говорила, что людям иногда нужна операция, чтобы они казались себе лучше.
00:10:13,020 --> 00:10:13,690 Да, Кайл, но...
00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:18,190 Я всю жизнь ощущал себя чёрным! Я слушал хип-хоп, я смотрю канал UPN и люблю баскетбол!
00:10:18,300 --> 00:10:20,170 Моё тело вовсе не такое же, какой я сам внутри.
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:22,790 Кайл, ты должен смириться с тем телом, которое у тебя есть.
00:10:22,930 --> 00:10:25,150 Зачем? Зачем я должен мириться с ним, если я могу его изменить?
00:10:25,220 --> 00:10:27,770 Нет, Кайл! Ты НЕ будешь делать негропластику!
00:10:27,950 --> 00:10:29,090 Но евреи не умеют играть в баскетбол!
00:10:29,380 --> 00:10:32,100 Немедленно перестаньте антисемитствовать, мистер!!
00:10:33,980 --> 00:10:36,220 Я больше никогда не буду с вами разговаривать!
00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:39,190 Ну, с меня хватит!
00:10:39,330 --> 00:10:39,920 Куда ты собрался?!
00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:40,000 Порву задницу этому доктору Байберу! Куда ты собрался?!
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,610 Порву задницу этому доктору Байберу!
00:10:50,170 --> 00:10:51,930 Кем вы себя возомнили?!
00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:54,200 Доктором Байбером.
00:10:54,410 --> 00:10:59,030 Какой дебил решил хирургическим путём сделать из моего сына высокого афроамериканца?
00:10:59,170 --> 00:11:00,900 А, вы отец Кайла.
00:11:00,930 --> 00:11:03,780 Ха, правильно! А ещё я адвокат!
00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:08,210 И я буду с вами судиться из-за преступной врачебной небрежности, а вашу клинику закроют!!
00:11:08,210 --> 00:11:09,830 Что это у вас на футболке?
00:11:10,050 --> 00:11:13,550 Что за... Ну, это.. Дельфины! Ну и?
00:11:13,550 --> 00:11:13,630 А-а-а, вам нравятся дельфины, хм? Что за... Ну, это.. Дельфины! Ну и?
00:11:13,630 --> 00:11:15,620 А-а-а, вам нравятся дельфины, хм?
00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:19,420 Э.. я люблю дельфинов. С детства я мечтал о...
00:11:19,420 --> 00:11:22,320 Ха, н-н-н.. Но это никак не относится к...
00:11:22,450 --> 00:11:24,500 Могу вас им сделать.
00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:25,620 ...Что?
00:11:25,700 --> 00:11:32,170 Вывернуть спину, переместить пищевод на макушку. Да, относительно легко достичь полной дельфинопластики...
00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:34,800 Сделать меня... дельфином?
00:11:36,350 --> 00:11:44,440 Если б я мог плавать с дельфинами, нежными и благородными дельфинами...
00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:49,880 Почему же я не могу плавать с дельфинами?
00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:53,670 ...Нет.
00:11:54,050 --> 00:11:55,120 Нет, нет, это безумие.
00:11:55,370 --> 00:12:00,830 Нет ничего безумного в человеке, который желает и снаружи быть таким же, как внутри.
00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:04,970 Это "Дикие Девчонки"!
00:12:07,820 --> 00:12:10,080 Эти девушки сделают что угодно!
00:12:14,190 --> 00:12:17,970 Сделать ли это?! Сделать ли?! А, какого чёрта!
00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:20,250 Ваууу!
00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:23,260 Смотрите, я буду хикикать и трясти ими! Хихихихихи, хихихихихихи.
00:12:26,460 --> 00:12:30,940 Боже, мужики готовы почти на всё, чтобы увидеть наши сиськи, правда?
00:12:30,940 --> 00:12:36,050 Все мужики одинаковые. Мой парень меня бросил! Оказывается, он был пиндосом.
00:12:36,050 --> 00:12:41,190 Но с тех пор я отрываюсь, трахаюсь со всеми мужиками подряд. Girl power!
00:12:41,610 --> 00:12:44,780 Знаешь, как-то странно - у меня месячные не начинаются.
00:12:44,810 --> 00:12:47,550 Почему может не начинаться?
00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:53,360 Ну, ОБЫЧНО, если у женщины не начинается, то это значит, что она беременна.
00:12:54,460 --> 00:12:55,280 ...Беременна?
00:12:56,410 --> 00:12:57,540 О, боже мой.
00:12:58,430 --> 00:12:59,230 Ну конечно.
00:12:59,490 --> 00:13:04,520 С месячными у меня ничего не получилось потому что... я залетела от одного из этих трахарей.
00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:06,790 Слушайте все, я беременна!
00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:10,090 Чёрт, теперь я могу сделать аборт!
00:13:17,580 --> 00:13:19,500 Джеральд! Что случилось?!
00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:23,480 Этот доктор творит чудеса, Шейла. Я счастлив, как никогда.
00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:26,570 Взгляни, Айк! Твой папочка - дельфин!
00:13:29,670 --> 00:13:30,880 Дельфин?!?!
00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:34,350 Шейла, мы были неправы, осуждая Кайла.
00:13:34,350 --> 00:13:37,750 Если он несчастен таким, какой он есть, то кто мы такие, чтобы запрещать ему
00:13:37,790 --> 00:13:40,360 операцию, которая сделает его счастливей?
00:13:42,500 --> 00:13:44,100 Джеральд, это безумие!
00:13:44,100 --> 00:13:46,080 И я думал, что я безумен.
00:13:46,230 --> 00:13:50,060 Но доктор Байбер сказал, что вокруг очень много транс-видовых людей.
00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:56,740 Всё что я сделал - это поменял свою внешность так, как я чувствовал... здесь.
00:13:56,740 --> 00:14:01,480 И теперь я говорю тебе, что если мы не позволим Кайлу сделать то же самое, то он никогда не будет счастлив.
00:14:01,490 --> 00:14:02,140 Никогда!
00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:07,010 Мы должны ему не только это, Шейла. Мы задолжали ему понимание.
00:14:11,050 --> 00:14:13,390 Пацаны! Эй, пацаны, вы должны это видеть!
00:14:13,530 --> 00:14:14,190 Что?
00:14:14,190 --> 00:14:16,190 Кайл! Он негр!
00:14:19,260 --> 00:14:20,000 Вау.
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:21,060 Глазам своим не верю.
00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:21,910 А больно было?
00:14:21,910 --> 00:14:23,580 Да, но оно без сомнения того стоило.
00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:26,160 Господи боже мой, чувак!
00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:28,090 Смотри, Стэн, наконец-то я стал самим собой.
00:14:28,110 --> 00:14:31,470 Мой отец собирается отвести меня на игру, чтобы я снова попробовал пройти в команду.
00:14:31,500 --> 00:14:33,270 Кайл, нам пора!
00:14:33,270 --> 00:14:33,290 Иду, пап! Кайл, нам пора!
00:14:33,290 --> 00:14:34,230 Иду, пап!
00:14:36,340 --> 00:14:38,950 Чувак, отец Кайла что... дельфин?
00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:40,960 Он еврейский дельфин.
00:14:41,190 --> 00:14:42,600 Еврефин.
00:14:47,130 --> 00:14:49,030 А вы тоже на аборт?
00:14:49,270 --> 00:14:53,760 Несколько дней назад я обнаружила, что из меня не течёт, так что я думаю, что залетела.
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:54,760 А доктор как, нормальный?
00:14:56,310 --> 00:14:58,250 Миссис... Гаррисон?
00:14:58,430 --> 00:14:59,770 А, это я.
00:15:01,710 --> 00:15:04,110 Здравствуйте, доктор, похоже, что мне нужен аборт.
00:15:06,330 --> 00:15:07,480 ...аборт?
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:11,570 Ага, внутри меня растёт ребёнок. Так вы выскоблите ему мозги, или высосите вакуумом?
00:15:13,620 --> 00:15:16,730 ...Если хотите, можете просто выскоблить, а остатки я сама из себя выдавлю.
00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:19,200 М-мистер Гаррисон..
00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:20,490 Миссис Гаррисон.
00:15:20,750 --> 00:15:24,160 Миссис Гаррисон, вы не можете сделать аборт.
00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:27,070 Не говорите, что мне можно, а что нельзя делать со своим телом!
00:15:27,070 --> 00:15:28,980 У женщины есть право выбирать!
00:15:29,140 --> 00:15:34,500 Нет, я имею в виду, что вы физически не способны сделать аборт, потому что вы не можете забеременеть.
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:36,210 Но у меня не начинается менструация.
00:15:36,210 --> 00:15:38,740 И менструаций у вас быть не может.
00:15:38,740 --> 00:15:45,310 Вам изменили пол, мистер Гаррисон, но у вас нет ни яичников, ни матки. У вас нет яйцеклеток.
00:15:45,650 --> 00:15:51,860 Вы хотите сказать, я никогда не узнаю, каково это - чувствовать, что внутри тебя растёт ребёнок, а затем ему выскабливают мозг и отсасывают вакуумом?
00:15:52,300 --> 00:15:53,160 Правильно.
00:15:53,470 --> 00:15:56,890 Но я заплатил пять тысяч долларов за то чтобы быть женщиной.
00:15:56,970 --> 00:15:59,870 Это значит, что я на самом деле не женщина. Я, я просто..
00:15:59,910 --> 00:16:02,290 ...просто мужчина с искалеченным членом!
00:16:02,310 --> 00:16:04,170 Попросту говоря, да.
00:16:05,530 --> 00:16:07,860 ...О чёрт, я болван.
00:16:12,510 --> 00:16:13,830 Эй, козёл!
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:16,410 Извините, я провожу операцию!
00:16:16,410 --> 00:16:18,510 Ты говорил, что сделаешь из меня женщину!
00:16:18,510 --> 00:16:20,270 Я поменял вам пол.
00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:24,810 Да?! Что же это за женщина, которая не может сделать аборт и из которой раз в месяц не течёт кровь?!
00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:29,110 Ты сделал из меня урода, вот кого! И я хочу вернуть всё как было!
00:16:29,450 --> 00:16:30,570 Я уже мужчина?
00:16:30,660 --> 00:16:33,340 Мистер Гаррисон, я не могу прикрепить ваши органы обратно.
00:16:33,530 --> 00:16:34,880 Это почему ещё?!
00:16:35,060 --> 00:16:40,410 Потому что я уже использовал ваши семенники для колен мальчика, который хотел быть высоким и темнокожим.
00:16:40,570 --> 00:16:41,650 ЧЕГО ты сделал?!
00:16:41,810 --> 00:16:46,480 А из вашей мошонки я сделал спинной плавник человеку, который хотел быть похожим на дельфина.
00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:52,190 Вот как! Вы идёте со мной разыскивать мои яйца и мошонку, мистер Мужчина!
00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:02,990 Добро пожаловать на баскетбольные соревнования между...
00:17:03,020 --> 00:17:09,190 ...лучшими четвероклассниками из Колорадо и лучшими четвероклассниками из Вайоминга.
00:17:09,900 --> 00:17:12,130 Тренер! Тренер, я стал лучше. Я готов играть.
00:17:12,950 --> 00:17:14,180 Ты кто?
00:17:14,380 --> 00:17:18,620 Это я, Кайл Брофловски. Я сделал негропластику. Могу я теперь участвовать в команде штата?
00:17:18,780 --> 00:17:22,950 Ну, ты достаточно высокий и тёмный. Хорошо, Брофловски, переодевайся!
00:17:23,120 --> 00:17:24,000 Отлично!
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,650 Пап, я буду играть!
00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:27,250 Отлично, Кайл!
00:17:30,370 --> 00:17:33,560 Извините, а где тут у вас специальные места для дельфинов?
00:17:38,940 --> 00:17:41,420 Мальчики, вы не видели Кайла?! Дома его нет.
00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:44,510 Кайл уехал на баскетбольную игру, миссис Гаррисон.
00:17:45,010 --> 00:17:48,390 Он собирается играть в баскетбол? О боже.
00:17:48,390 --> 00:17:48,980 А что?
00:17:48,980 --> 00:17:52,120 Ну, я же сделал только, чтобы он выглядел как баскетболист.
00:17:52,270 --> 00:17:56,230 Если он на самом деле будет играть, семенники в его коленях лопнут!
00:17:56,330 --> 00:17:58,520 Что?! Но вы же сделали из него баскетболиста.
00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:05,100 Нет, он только выглядит так. Мы должны удержать его от игры! Эти семенники в его коленях - бомбы с часовым механизмом!
00:18:05,550 --> 00:18:10,160 Господи! Залезайте, мальчики, мы должны добраться до моих яиц прежде, чем Кайл навредит себе!
00:18:24,110 --> 00:18:26,170 Брофловски, приготовься заменить Оувенса.
00:18:26,420 --> 00:18:27,970 Всегда готов!
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:36,710 Простите, а где тут у вас ванная для дельфинов?
00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:39,320 У нас... такой нету.
00:18:39,340 --> 00:18:43,520 И где, блин, мне принимать ванну? Мне нужен большой резервуар с морской водой.
00:18:43,620 --> 00:18:46,290 Эээ... Мне жаль.
00:18:47,090 --> 00:18:50,910 Чёрт побери, люди, вы должны делать специальные приспособления для трансвидовых людей вроде меня.
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,620 Я, конечно, дельфин, но я ещё и адвокат!
00:18:54,810 --> 00:18:56,030 Вы адвофин?
00:18:58,220 --> 00:18:59,000 Ваши билеты, пожалуйста.
00:18:59,000 --> 00:18:59,040 У нас нет билетов. Ваши билеты, пожалуйста.
00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:00,270 У нас нет билетов.
00:19:00,380 --> 00:19:01,970 Извините, мэм, нет билетов - нет прохода.
00:19:02,290 --> 00:19:05,620 Послушайте, там мальчик с яйцами в коленях, и ему грозит серьёзная опасность!
00:19:06,220 --> 00:19:06,960 Чего?
00:19:07,140 --> 00:19:08,290 Моя мошонка!
00:19:10,210 --> 00:19:12,630 У этого дельфина моя мошонка! Пустите нас!
00:19:12,730 --> 00:19:13,830 Вы не можете войти, мэм!
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:18,500 Несанкционированное проникновение на первый уровень!
00:19:20,990 --> 00:19:23,640 Брофловски, заходишь как только наши завладеют мячом.
00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:24,190 Понял!
00:19:25,860 --> 00:19:27,020 Ай. Хм.
00:19:28,710 --> 00:19:29,800 Джеральд, где Кайл?!
00:19:30,030 --> 00:19:30,830 Что? Зачем??
00:19:31,010 --> 00:19:33,920 Мои яйца в его в коленях. Если он на них прыгнет, они лопнут!
00:19:33,950 --> 00:19:34,970 О, боже мой!
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:37,520 Вон они, возле того дельфина!
00:19:37,580 --> 00:19:39,790 Мы должны добраться до яиц!
00:19:41,620 --> 00:19:44,670 Остановите их! Они не заплатили по два доллара за вход!
00:19:44,670 --> 00:19:48,410 Замена в команде Колорадо, номер 8, Кайл Брофловски.
00:19:50,360 --> 00:19:51,700 Господи, он собирается играть!
00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:57,140 Миссис Гаррисон, держите Кайла!
00:19:57,860 --> 00:19:58,990 Который из них - он?
00:20:06,140 --> 00:20:07,550 Эй, какого чёрта?!
00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:08,630 Остановите игру!
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:17,560 У меня! Мяч у меня!
00:20:18,310 --> 00:20:19,160 Кайл, НЕТ!
00:20:19,550 --> 00:20:21,030 Брофловски бросает мяч в прыжке!
00:20:21,180 --> 00:20:22,100 НЕТ!
00:20:24,660 --> 00:20:30,490 Мои яяяяяйцаааа!
00:20:47,710 --> 00:20:49,530 Давайте проясним.
00:20:49,530 --> 00:20:56,930 Та женщина хотела добраться до своих яиц, которые были в коленях черного паренька, отец которого - дельфин.
00:20:57,470 --> 00:20:58,850 Ага, в общих чертах так.
00:20:59,380 --> 00:21:01,890 Ну, похоже, что в этом деле всё понятно, можно его закрывать. Ладно, уводите!
00:21:02,150 --> 00:21:06,570 Извини, Кайл, нужно было сказать тебе, что операция была только косметической.
00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:10,040 Так что, это значит, что я на самом деле не дельфин?
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:14,470 Приходите вдвоём в клинику и я всё сделаю, как раньше, за символическую плату.
00:21:14,850 --> 00:21:17,810 А как же мистер Гаррисон? Ему не получится сделать, как раньше.
00:21:21,130 --> 00:21:27,170 Знаете что? Всё нормально. И хотя я не настоящая женщина, мне всё равно нравлюсь новая я.
00:21:27,390 --> 00:21:30,530 Я лучше буду женщиной без месячных, чем пиндосом.
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:37,000 Эй, парни! Я женщина! Кто хочет мне присунуть? Girl power!
00:21:37,100 --> 00:21:40,430 Замечания (и благодарности :) по переводу и синхронизации слать на vlish@gorodok.net. Все русские субтитры к Саут-Парку - на http://sp.gorodok.net !

00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:12,388 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:14,056 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:15,641 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:18,853 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:18,978 --> 00:00:20,563 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,440 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
00:00:22,565 --> 00:00:25,443 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:25,568 --> 00:00:28,946 Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
00:00:29,071 --> 00:00:33,284 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:41,542 Hello, Mr. Garrison.
00:00:41,667 --> 00:00:42,877 I'm Dr. Biber.
00:00:43,002 --> 00:00:45,421 I'll be performing your surgery today.
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:46,964 God bless you, Doctor.
00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:49,383 I know you'll make me well again.
00:00:49,508 --> 00:00:53,888 Now, you're absolutely sure you want to have a vaginoplasty?
00:00:54,013 --> 00:00:57,058 My whole life, I've been a woman trapped in a man's body.
00:00:57,183 --> 00:00:59,852 A sex-change operation is my last chance at happiness.
00:00:59,977 --> 00:01:02,855 All right. Then let's begin.
00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:04,273 Just relax, Mr. Garrison.
00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:07,693 I think if more people could just see a sex-change operation,
00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:10,154 they would know how perfectly natural it is.
00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:15,409 The first thing I'm going to do is slice your balls.
00:01:18,329 --> 00:01:22,958 With the scrotum open, I can now discard of your testicles.
00:01:23,084 --> 00:01:25,127 So long, balls.
00:01:26,629 --> 00:01:29,215 Now I'll just continue the incision
00:01:29,340 --> 00:01:31,467 up the shaft of the penis.
00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:33,052 Oh, that stings.
00:01:33,177 --> 00:01:37,890 Now I'll just turn your penis inside out.
00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:39,934 Whoa. Oh, geez.
00:01:40,059 --> 00:01:44,063 All we need to do now is stuff the unskinned penis
00:01:44,188 --> 00:01:46,065 inside your pelvis.
00:01:46,190 --> 00:01:48,776 And now I'll use the skin from your penis
00:01:48,901 --> 00:01:51,320 to make the vaginal lips.
00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:53,447 Do I look like a woman?
00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:57,535 Pretty much.
00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:05,417 Dude, don't be nervous.
00:02:05,543 --> 00:02:06,460 How can I not be nervous?
00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:07,795 Trying out for the all-state team
00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:09,046 has been my dream for years.
00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:10,464 You're the best player at our school.
00:02:10,589 --> 00:02:11,549 You'll make the team for sure.
00:02:11,674 --> 00:02:14,093 This is ridiculous. Jews can't play basketball.
00:02:14,218 --> 00:02:15,928 I beat out <i>your</i> fat ass, Cartman!
00:02:16,053 --> 00:02:18,806 All students trying out for the all-state team to center court!
00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:20,141 Good luck.
00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:26,063 Hi, boys.
00:02:26,188 --> 00:02:29,024 Now, you're all here because you're the best of the best.
00:02:29,150 --> 00:02:31,819 I know that you've all worked really hard to make it this far.
00:02:31,944 --> 00:02:34,363 Now let's get out there and show me what you got!
00:02:49,587 --> 00:02:53,007 Uh, excuse me. B-Broflovski, is it?
00:02:53,132 --> 00:02:54,300 Yeah?
00:02:54,425 --> 00:02:56,135 Can we talk to you for a minute?
00:02:57,428 --> 00:03:00,598 You, uh, you're the best player in your school, are you?
00:03:00,723 --> 00:03:01,682 Yep! I love basketball.
00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:03,809 I want to play for the Denver Nuggets someday!
00:03:03,934 --> 00:03:05,895 Yeah. Uh, look, kid.
00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:08,898 You've got great skills and a great attitude,
00:03:09,023 --> 00:03:12,693 but you're just not physically built for the game.
00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:14,195 What do you mean?
00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:18,115 Well, it's just that... Jews can't play basketball.
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:19,325 All right, kids!
00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:21,869 We got to work on that shooting! Come on!
00:03:30,669 --> 00:03:32,922 Dude, you were awesome, Kyle.
00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:36,926 Look, y-you gave it your best shot, right?
00:03:37,051 --> 00:03:38,427 That's all you could do.
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:53,776 ♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪
00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:55,110 ♪ Yo-o-o-o-u lost ♪
00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:57,029 ♪ Ha-ha ha-ha ha-ha ♪
00:03:59,782 --> 00:04:04,411 Kyle, I'm totally ripping on you at a totally inappropriate time.
00:04:04,912 --> 00:04:07,539 I know. I deserve it.
00:04:07,665 --> 00:04:08,791 Yeah. You know why?
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:11,043 Because Jews can't play basketball!
00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:13,504 You're right.
00:04:13,629 --> 00:04:15,589 Jesus. That's no fun.
00:04:20,552 --> 00:04:23,305 Hey, everybody, you're not gonna believe it!
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:24,848 Believe what?
00:04:24,974 --> 00:04:27,810 It's Mr. Garrison! O-Only it isn't Mr. Garrison!
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:31,146 H-He's a woman now!
00:04:31,272 --> 00:04:34,024 Hello, everybody!
00:04:36,318 --> 00:04:38,988 Can you believe it, ladies? I'm one of you now!
00:04:39,113 --> 00:04:42,074 Wow! Just look at all these tampons!
00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:43,784 Regular, heavy flow.
00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:47,079 Oh, boy! I can't wait till I get my first period!
00:04:50,582 --> 00:04:52,376 Hi, gals!
00:04:52,501 --> 00:04:55,421 Oh, boy. Can you believe the sales they're having out there?
00:04:55,546 --> 00:04:58,340 Well, I'm about to pee out my vagina for the first time.
00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,259 Give us a hug! Girls club!
00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:03,470 All right. Here it goes.
00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:07,057 Oh, wow! This is great! Look at that!
00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:10,352 I'm peeing sitting down like a dainty, dignified little woman!
00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:15,190 Say, any of you ladies want to go see a sad movie together?
00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:23,574 You guys try those new Wings tampons?
00:05:23,699 --> 00:05:25,326 Do those work well?
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,336 Kyle, you have to cheer up, dude.
00:05:35,461 --> 00:05:37,338 So you aren't built right for basketball.
00:05:37,463 --> 00:05:39,256 But I feel like a basketball player.
00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:40,424 It's all I want to do!
00:05:40,549 --> 00:05:42,384 Hello, boys!
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:45,637 It's me, your teacher, Mrs. Garrison!
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,099 You guys, Mr. Garrison has titties.
00:05:49,224 --> 00:05:50,768 I had a sex-change operation.
00:05:50,893 --> 00:05:52,436 My penis is now a vagina,
00:05:52,561 --> 00:05:55,647 and I'm experiencing womanhood for the first time in my life!
00:05:55,773 --> 00:05:57,399 See you in class!
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:06,116 Mom, Dad, what's a sex-change operation?
00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:07,409 What? Uh, n-nothing.
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:10,329 I'll explain it to you when you're a little older.
00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:11,747 But our teacher, Mr. Garrison --
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:13,624 He just had his penis made into a vagina.
00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:15,751 - How come? - Penis!
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:18,879 Your teacher had a sex change?! Oh, my God!
00:06:19,004 --> 00:06:20,172 Vagina!
00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:23,050 That does it. I'm taking you boys out of that school!
00:06:23,175 --> 00:06:25,594 Gerald, that is very close-minded of you.
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:28,305 You shouldn't judge people who want to change.
00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:29,306 He's a teacher!
00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:31,892 How are we supposed to explain this to our children?
00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:33,310 It's very simple.
00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:36,939 You see, Kyle, sometimes a person's outside
00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:40,067 doesn't reflect who they are on the inside.
00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:41,402 Yeah! That's right!
00:06:41,527 --> 00:06:43,445 They feel like they're somebody trapped
00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:45,197 in another person's body.
00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:48,742 And so they can have a surgery that makes them
00:06:48,867 --> 00:06:51,578 more into the person they see themselves as.
00:06:51,703 --> 00:06:52,871 Do you understand?
00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:55,207 Totally! I totally understand!
00:06:55,332 --> 00:06:59,044 There. You see, Gerald? He totally understands.
00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:04,133 So, I hear you're interested in reconstructive surgery.
00:07:04,258 --> 00:07:06,343 Yeah, my schoolteacher wanted to be a woman,
00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:07,636 and you made him into one.
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,012 Oh, yes. Mr. Garrison.
00:07:09,138 --> 00:07:12,057 Uh, yes. He had a vaginoplasty. Mm-hmm.
00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:14,309 Well, do you also do other surgeries like that?
00:07:14,435 --> 00:07:17,563 Sure. You see, sometimes a woman wants to be a man.
00:07:17,688 --> 00:07:20,107 That procedure is called a peniplasty.
00:07:20,232 --> 00:07:22,818 No, no. I want to be tall and black.
00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:25,571 You what?
00:07:25,696 --> 00:07:29,366 I hate being small and Jewish. I feel like a tall black man.
00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:34,663 Oh, you want a negroplasty!
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,707 - Yeah! - A-A negroplasty?!
00:07:36,832 --> 00:07:38,667 It's a fairly common procedure, really --
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,669 just the reverse of a caucasioplasty
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,171 just like Michael Jackson had.
00:07:42,296 --> 00:07:43,380 Let's take a look here.
00:07:43,505 --> 00:07:46,300 What we do is slice your face and peel it back
00:07:46,425 --> 00:07:49,595 so we can insert new pigment-producing cells inside.
00:07:50,262 --> 00:07:52,473 We break the arm bones in several places
00:07:52,598 --> 00:07:54,600 and put bracers to make them longer.
00:07:54,725 --> 00:07:56,643 Now, the knees we need to snap off
00:07:56,768 --> 00:07:58,729 and fill with small, round objects
00:07:58,854 --> 00:08:00,439 that can cause better movement.
00:08:00,564 --> 00:08:02,733 And we finish it off with a nice peniplasty
00:08:02,858 --> 00:08:04,401 to enhance the genitalia.
00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:08,739 Negroplasty takes about seven hours and costs roughly $3,000.
00:08:08,864 --> 00:08:11,867 Uh, excuse me. Is this really a good idea?
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:14,703 Well, it's a good idea if you want to be tall and black.
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:17,372 Otherwise, I wouldn't recommend it.
00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:22,377 Hello, Mr. Slave!
00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:25,714 Boy, have I been busy. A woman's work is never done.
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,466 I got some tampons.
00:08:27,591 --> 00:08:29,843 I should be getting my period really soon.
00:08:29,968 --> 00:08:34,264 Hope I don't get too emotional and drive you crazy with my PMS.
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:39,686 Mr. Slave, I got something for us, too.
00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:43,815 Would you like to take this beautiful woman to bed?
00:08:43,941 --> 00:08:45,692 No, thanks.
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,444 N-No, thanks?
00:08:47,569 --> 00:08:48,529 Come on, Mr. Slave.
00:08:48,654 --> 00:08:50,405 I want to try out my new snootch.
00:08:50,531 --> 00:08:52,950 I can't believe you just went ahead and had that surgery
00:08:53,075 --> 00:08:55,577 without even asking me what I thought.
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:57,913 Well, I assumed you supported me.
00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:01,458 It's still me. I just have a vagina instead of a penis.
00:09:01,583 --> 00:09:04,795 But I'm gay. I don't like vaginas.
00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:07,172 Don't you even care that I was suffering?
00:09:07,297 --> 00:09:09,132 I wasn't happy the way I was!
00:09:09,258 --> 00:09:11,760 It's great that you feel better, but you never stopped to think
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:14,054 about how the people around you would feel!
00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:15,973 Look, we can still be together.
00:09:16,098 --> 00:09:18,433 All you have to do is stop being gay.
00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:21,520 How can you say that?! You're gay, too!
00:09:21,645 --> 00:09:23,981 I'm not gay! I'm a woman!
00:09:24,106 --> 00:09:25,649 Oh! Jesus Christ!
00:09:25,774 --> 00:09:28,652 Oh, so is that it?! You're just gonna walk out?
00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:30,279 You men are all alike!
00:09:30,404 --> 00:09:34,575 Go ahead and find somebody who doesn't have a vagina, you fag!
00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:40,414 Mom! Dad! I have awesome news!
00:09:40,539 --> 00:09:42,499 The doctor who gave Mr. Garrison a sex change
00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:44,710 said he can make me tall and black!
00:09:44,835 --> 00:09:46,253 What?!
00:09:46,378 --> 00:09:48,088 Dr. Biber said he can give me a negroplasty
00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:50,132 so I can finally look the way I've always wanted!
00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:52,467 He even took my picture and then did computer imaging
00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:54,595 to show what I would look like after the surgery!
00:09:57,139 --> 00:09:59,099 Oh, just great. You see, Sheila?
00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:02,019 This is what your transgender progressive thinking gets you!
00:10:02,144 --> 00:10:03,979 Now your son wants to be transracial.
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:06,648 Can I have $3,000, Mom and Dad? Huh? Can I?
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,275 Absolutely not, Kyle!
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:09,443 But why not?
00:10:09,568 --> 00:10:11,111 You said sometimes people need surgery
00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:12,863 to feel better about themselves.
00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:13,655 Yes, but, Kyle --
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,449 Well, all my life, I've felt that I was black.
00:10:15,574 --> 00:10:16,992 I listen to hip-hop, I watch UPN,
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:18,285 and I love playing basketball.
00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:20,245 My body doesn't reflect who I am inside.
00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:22,706 Kyle, you have to accept your body the way it is.
00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:24,625 Why? Why do I have to accept it when I can change it?
00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:26,084 The answer is no, Kyle!
00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:27,711 You're not going to have negroplasty!
00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:29,129 But Jews can't play basketball!
00:10:29,254 --> 00:10:32,007 Kyle, you better stop being anti-Semitic right now, mister!
00:10:33,759 --> 00:10:37,054 I'm never speaking to either one of you ever again!
00:10:38,221 --> 00:10:39,848 - Oh, that does it! - Where are you going?
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:42,934 That Dr. Biber is about to get his ass bitten off!
00:10:49,691 --> 00:10:52,319 Who the hell do you think you are?!
00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:54,404 Dr. Biber.
00:10:54,529 --> 00:10:57,240 What kind of nut job would agree to surgically alter my son
00:10:57,366 --> 00:10:58,992 into a tall African-American?!
00:10:59,117 --> 00:11:00,786 Oh, you're Kyle's father.
00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:03,830 That's right, and I also happen to be a lawyer!
00:11:03,955 --> 00:11:06,166 And I'm gonna have you sued for malpractice
00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:07,668 and your clinic shut down!
00:11:07,793 --> 00:11:09,836 What is that on your shirt?
00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:13,423 What the -- They're -- They're dolphins. Why?
00:11:13,548 --> 00:11:15,425 Ah. You like dolphins, hmm?
00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:17,052 I love dolphins.
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,137 Ever since I was a child, I've dreamt of --
00:11:19,262 --> 00:11:21,890 uh, b-but that hardly has any bearing on what I'm here to --
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:24,643 I can make you one.
00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:25,644 What?
00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:26,645 Invert the back,
00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:28,605 move the esophagus to the top of the head.
00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:32,150 Yes, a full dolphinoplasty could be achieved relatively simply.
00:11:32,275 --> 00:11:35,696 Make me a...dolphin?
00:11:35,821 --> 00:11:40,200 ♪ If I could swim with the dolphins ♪
00:11:40,325 --> 00:11:44,246 ♪ The soft and gentle dolphins ♪
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:50,627 ♪ Why can't I swim with the dolphins? ♪
00:11:52,546 --> 00:11:55,006 No. No, no. It's crazy.
00:11:55,132 --> 00:11:56,967 There's nothing crazy about a person
00:11:57,092 --> 00:11:58,468 wanting to look on the outside
00:11:58,593 --> 00:12:01,221 the way they feel on the inside.
00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:04,391 It's "Girls Gone Wild"!
00:12:06,184 --> 00:12:07,561 - Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! - Whoo-hoo-hoo!
00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:09,896 These girls will do anything!
00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:15,360 Oh, gee! Should I do it?
00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:18,029 Should I do it? Oh, what the hell?
00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:19,531 Whoo! Whoo!
00:12:21,116 --> 00:12:22,993 Look. I'll giggle and make them bounce up and down!
00:12:25,704 --> 00:12:26,955 Oh, boy.
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,582 Men will do just about anything
00:12:28,707 --> 00:12:30,792 to get a look at our tits, won't they?
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,252 Men are all the same.
00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:34,254 My boyfriend walked out on me.
00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:35,630 Turns out he was a fag.
00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:37,424 But I've been living it up ever since,
00:12:37,549 --> 00:12:39,926 having sex with all kinds of different guys!
00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:41,344 Girl power!
00:12:41,470 --> 00:12:44,765 You know, the strange thing is I haven't gotten my period yet.
00:12:44,890 --> 00:12:48,018 Is there a reason a woman might miss her period?
00:12:48,143 --> 00:12:51,146 Well, normally if a woman misses her period,
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:54,024 it means she's pregnant.
00:12:54,149 --> 00:12:55,859 Pregnant?
00:12:55,984 --> 00:12:58,069 Oh, my God.
00:12:58,195 --> 00:12:59,237 Of course.
00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:01,114 I haven't gotten to experience a period
00:13:01,239 --> 00:13:04,701 because one of those truckers I slept with got me knocked up.
00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:06,995 I'm pregnant, everybody!
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:10,332 Oh, boy! Now I can have an abortion!
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,591 Gerald! What happened to you?!
00:13:19,716 --> 00:13:21,760 That doctor is a miracle worker, Sheila!
00:13:21,885 --> 00:13:23,595 I-I'm the happiest I've ever been!
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:27,057 Look, Ike! Your daddy's a dolphin!
00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:30,644 A dolphin?!
00:13:30,769 --> 00:13:34,147 Sheila, I-it was wrong of us to be so judgmental of Kyle.
00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:36,191 If he isn't happy with who he is,
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:37,984 then who are we to deny him surgery
00:13:38,109 --> 00:13:40,403 that will make him feel better about himself?
00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:43,782 Gerald, this is crazy.
00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:45,492 I used to think I was crazy.
00:13:45,617 --> 00:13:47,077 But Dr. Biber told me
00:13:47,202 --> 00:13:48,829 that there are a lot of other people out there
00:13:48,954 --> 00:13:50,831 who are trans-species.
00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:53,708 All I did is change my appearance
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:56,753 to look the way I felt here.
00:13:56,878 --> 00:13:59,923 And I'm telling you now that if we don't let Kyle do the same,
00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:02,217 he may never be happy, ever.
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,135 We owe him more than that, Sheila.
00:14:04,261 --> 00:14:07,097 We owe him understanding!
00:14:11,142 --> 00:14:12,018 Fellas!
00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:13,436 Hey, fellas, you got to come see!
00:14:13,562 --> 00:14:14,938 - What? - It's Kyle!
00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:16,690 He's a Negro!
00:14:18,608 --> 00:14:19,860 Wow.
00:14:19,985 --> 00:14:21,653 - I can't believe it. - Did it hurt?
00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:24,823 Yeah, but it was totally worth it.
00:14:24,948 --> 00:14:26,157 Jesus Christ, dude!
00:14:26,283 --> 00:14:27,409 Look, Stan! I'm finally whole!
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,661 My dad is even gonna take me back down to the all-star game
00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:31,288 to see if I can try out for the team again!
00:14:31,413 --> 00:14:33,206 Come on, Kyle! We should get going!
00:14:33,331 --> 00:14:34,916 All right, Dad!
00:14:36,334 --> 00:14:39,170 Dude, is Kyle's dad a dolphin?
00:14:39,296 --> 00:14:42,966 He's a Jewish dolphin -- a Jewphin.
00:14:46,887 --> 00:14:49,347 You here for an abortion, too?
00:14:49,472 --> 00:14:50,932 Yeah, I discovered a few days ago
00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:53,935 I wasn't bleeding out my cooze, so I guess I'm knocked up.
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,228 Is this doctor any good?
00:14:55,979 --> 00:14:58,064 Mrs. Garrison?
00:14:58,189 --> 00:15:00,400 Oh, that's me.
00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:04,529 Hello, Doctor. It looks like I need an abortion.
00:15:05,906 --> 00:15:07,198 An abortion?
00:15:07,324 --> 00:15:08,700 Yeah. I've got one growing inside me.
00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:12,078 Are you gonna scramble its brains or just vacuum it out?
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:14,873 If you want, you can just scramble it,
00:15:14,998 --> 00:15:16,958 and I'll queef it out myself.
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:20,670 - Mr. Garrison -- - Mrs. Garrison.
00:15:20,795 --> 00:15:24,132 Mrs. Garrison, you can't have an abortion.
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:26,843 Don't you tell me what I can and can't do with my body!
00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:29,012 A woman has a right to choose!
00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:32,265 No. I mean you're physically unable to have an abortion
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:34,434 because you can't get pregnant.
00:15:34,559 --> 00:15:36,144 But I missed my period.
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:38,480 You can't have periods, either.
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:41,024 You had a sex change, Mr. Garrison,
00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:43,401 but you don't have ovaries or a womb.
00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:45,111 You don't produce eggs.
00:15:45,236 --> 00:15:47,948 You mean...I'll never know what it feels like
00:15:48,073 --> 00:15:49,574 to have a baby growing inside me
00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:51,826 and then scramble its brains and vacuum it out?
00:15:51,952 --> 00:15:53,078 That's right.
00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:56,623 But I paid $5,000 to be a woman.
00:15:56,748 --> 00:15:58,667 This would mean I'm not really a woman.
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:02,295 It's -- I'm just a -- I'm just a guy with a mutilated penis!
00:16:02,420 --> 00:16:04,339 Basically, yes.
00:16:05,507 --> 00:16:08,468 Oh, boy, do I feel like a jackass.
00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:13,682 Hey, asshole!
00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:16,017 Excuse me. I'm performing an operation here.
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:18,395 You told me you were gonna make me into a woman!
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,772 - I gave you a sex change. - Yeah?!
00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:22,774 Well, what kind of woman can't have abortions
00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:24,818 and bleed out her snatch once a month?!
00:16:24,943 --> 00:16:26,987 You made me into a freak is what you did,
00:16:27,112 --> 00:16:29,197 and I want you to change me back!
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:30,532 Am I a man yet?
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:33,159 Mr. Garrison, I can't reattach your organs.
00:16:33,284 --> 00:16:34,494 Why the hell not?!
00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:36,705 Because I've already used your testicles
00:16:36,830 --> 00:16:38,581 to fashion new knees for a little boy
00:16:38,707 --> 00:16:40,291 who wanted to be tall and black.
00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:41,501 You what?!
00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:43,962 And your scrotum has been made into a dorsal fin
00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:46,172 for a man who wanted to look more like a dolphin.
00:16:46,297 --> 00:16:48,008 Oh, you --
00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:50,343 You're coming with me to find my balls and scrotum
00:16:50,468 --> 00:16:52,595 right now, Mr. Man!
00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:02,022 Welcome to the all-state basketball playoffs
00:17:02,147 --> 00:17:05,108 between the best fourth-grade players from Colorado
00:17:05,233 --> 00:17:07,444 and the best fourth-grade players from Wyoming.
00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:12,323 Coach! Coach! I'm all better. I'm ready to play!
00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:13,783 Who are you?
00:17:13,908 --> 00:17:16,661 I-It's me, Kyle Broflovski. I had a negroplasty.
00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:18,455 Can I play on the all-state team now?
00:17:18,580 --> 00:17:20,915 Well, you're tall and black enough.
00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:22,542 All right, Broflovski. Suit up!
00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:23,960 All right!
00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:25,295 Dad, I can play!
00:17:25,420 --> 00:17:27,630 All right, Kyle!
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:34,054 Excuse me. Where do you have special seating for dolphins?
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:41,352 Boys, have you seen Kyle? He's not at home!
00:17:41,478 --> 00:17:44,522 Kyle went down to play in the basketball game, Mrs. Garrison.
00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:46,566 He's going to play basketball?
00:17:46,691 --> 00:17:48,610 - Oh, my God. - What?
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:51,988 Well, I only made him <i>look</i> like he could play basketball.
00:17:52,113 --> 00:17:53,323 If he actually does it,
00:17:53,448 --> 00:17:56,159 the testicles in his knees will explode.
00:17:56,284 --> 00:17:58,203 What?! But you made him into a basketball player!
00:17:58,328 --> 00:18:00,413 No, I just made him look more like one.
00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:02,165 We have to stop him from playing.
00:18:02,290 --> 00:18:05,168 Those testicles in his knees are ticking time balls!
00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:06,294 Oh, Jesus!
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:07,295 Come on, boys.
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:10,673 We've got to get to my balls before Kyle hurts himself!
00:18:11,716 --> 00:18:15,220 ♪ And the home of the brave ♪
00:18:23,853 --> 00:18:25,980 Broflovski, be ready to take over for Owens.
00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:28,191 I'm 100% ready, Coach!
00:18:33,822 --> 00:18:36,991 E-Excuse me. Where -- Where is the bathroom for dolphins?
00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:39,077 We don't have one.
00:18:39,202 --> 00:18:41,204 Well, where the hell am I supposed to go to the bathroom?!
00:18:41,329 --> 00:18:43,289 I-I need a large tank with saltwater!
00:18:43,414 --> 00:18:46,751 Uh...too bad?
00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:49,087 Damn it, you people have to make special arrangements
00:18:49,212 --> 00:18:50,839 for trans-species people like me.
00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:53,967 I may be a dolphin, but I'm also a lawyer!
00:18:54,092 --> 00:18:55,969 You're a lawphin?
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:58,721 Tickets, please.
00:18:58,847 --> 00:19:00,014 We don't have tickets!
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:01,891 Sorry, ma'am. No tickets, no entry.
00:19:02,016 --> 00:19:03,893 Look, there's a boy with my balls in his knees,
00:19:04,018 --> 00:19:05,436 and he's in serious danger!
00:19:06,020 --> 00:19:06,896 What?
00:19:07,021 --> 00:19:08,022 My scrotum!
00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:12,318 That dolphin has my scrotum! Now let us in!
00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:13,528 You can't go in, ma'am!
00:19:16,698 --> 00:19:18,366 We have unauthorized entry on level 1!
00:19:20,577 --> 00:19:23,079 All right, Broflovski. You're going in next possession.
00:19:23,204 --> 00:19:24,289 All right!
00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:27,667 Ow. Hmm.
00:19:28,251 --> 00:19:29,627 Gerald, where's Kyle?!
00:19:29,752 --> 00:19:31,546 - What? Why? - My balls are in his knees.
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,631 If he jumps with them, they'll explode!
00:19:33,756 --> 00:19:34,924 Oh, my God!
00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,427 There they are, next to that dolphin!
00:19:37,552 --> 00:19:39,637 Come on. We got to get to those balls!
00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:41,848 Stop them!
00:19:41,973 --> 00:19:44,184 They didn't pay the $2 entry fee!
00:19:44,309 --> 00:19:46,144 Now substituting for Colorado,
00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:48,605 number 4, Kyle Broflovski.
00:19:49,647 --> 00:19:51,399 Oh, Jesus! He's about to play!
00:19:55,111 --> 00:19:57,030 Mrs. Garrison, grab Kyle!
00:19:57,155 --> 00:19:58,865 Which one is he?
00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:04,621 Aah!
00:20:05,997 --> 00:20:07,248 Hey, what the hell?
00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:08,917 Stop the game!
00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:12,837 Aah!
00:20:15,632 --> 00:20:18,051 I got it! I got the ball!
00:20:18,176 --> 00:20:18,968 Kyle, no!
00:20:19,093 --> 00:20:20,970 Broflovski goes for the dunk!
00:20:21,095 --> 00:20:21,971 No!
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:30,063 My balls!
00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:35,735 Aah!
00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:49,290 So let me get this straight.
00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:52,585 That woman over there was trying to get to her balls,
00:20:52,710 --> 00:20:54,712 which were in the knees of a black child
00:20:54,837 --> 00:20:56,756 whose father is a dolphin.
00:20:56,881 --> 00:20:58,633 Yeah, that's basically it.
00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:00,301 Sounds like an open-and-shut case.
00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:01,678 All right. Let's head 'em out!
00:21:01,803 --> 00:21:02,929 I'm sorry, Kyle.
00:21:03,054 --> 00:21:06,516 I should've told you the surgery was cosmetic only.
00:21:06,641 --> 00:21:10,061 So does this mean I'm not really a dolphin?
00:21:10,186 --> 00:21:11,813 Let's get you two up to the clinic,
00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:14,607 and I'll change you back for a nominal fee.
00:21:14,732 --> 00:21:18,194 But what about Mr. Garrison? He can't go back.
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:22,949 You know what? I'm okay.
00:21:23,074 --> 00:21:24,909 Even though I'm not truly a woman,
00:21:25,034 --> 00:21:27,120 I think I still like the new me.
00:21:27,245 --> 00:21:30,290 I'd rather be a woman who can't have periods than a fag.
00:21:30,415 --> 00:21:33,334 Hey, guys! This girl is staying a woman!
00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:35,295 Who wants to pound my vag?!
00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:36,713 Girl power!

00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:12,388 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:14,056 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:15,641 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:18,853 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:18,978 --> 00:00:20,563 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,440 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
00:00:22,565 --> 00:00:25,443 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:25,568 --> 00:00:28,946 Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
00:00:29,071 --> 00:00:33,284 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:41,542 - [ Monitor beeping ] - Hello, Mr. Garrison.
00:00:41,667 --> 00:00:42,877 I'm Dr. Biber.
00:00:43,002 --> 00:00:45,421 I'll be performing your surgery today.
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:46,964 God bless you, Doctor.
00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:49,383 I know you'll make me well again.
00:00:49,508 --> 00:00:53,888 Now, you're absolutely sure you want to have a vaginoplasty?
00:00:54,013 --> 00:00:57,058 My whole life, I've been a woman trapped in a man's body.
00:00:57,183 --> 00:00:59,852 A sex-change operation is my last chance at happiness.
00:00:59,977 --> 00:01:02,855 All right. Then let's begin.
00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:04,273 Just relax, Mr. Garrison.
00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:07,693 I think if more people could just see a sex-change operation,
00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:10,154 they would know how perfectly natural it is.
00:01:10,279 --> 00:01:11,155 [ Clears throat ]
00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:15,409 The first thing I'm going to do is slice your balls.
00:01:16,202 --> 00:01:18,204 [ Groans ]
00:01:18,329 --> 00:01:22,958 With the scrotum open, I can now discard of your testicles.
00:01:23,084 --> 00:01:25,127 So long, balls.
00:01:26,629 --> 00:01:29,215 Now I'll just continue the incision
00:01:29,340 --> 00:01:31,467 up the shaft of the penis.
00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:33,052 Oh, that stings.
00:01:33,177 --> 00:01:37,890 Now I'll just turn your penis inside out.
00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:39,934 MR. GARRISON: Whoa. Oh, geez.
00:01:40,059 --> 00:01:44,063 All we need to do now is stuff the unskinned penis
00:01:44,188 --> 00:01:46,065 inside your pelvis.
00:01:46,190 --> 00:01:48,776 And now I'll use the skin from your penis
00:01:48,901 --> 00:01:51,320 to make the vaginal lips.
00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:53,447 Do I look like a woman?
00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:57,535 Pretty much.
00:01:57,660 --> 00:02:00,663 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:05,417 Dude, don't be nervous.
00:02:05,543 --> 00:02:06,460 How can I not be nervous?
00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:07,795 Trying out for the all-state team
00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:09,046 has been my dream for years.
00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:10,464 You're the best player at our school.
00:02:10,589 --> 00:02:11,549 You'll make the team for sure.
00:02:11,674 --> 00:02:14,093 This is ridiculous. Jews can't play basketball.
00:02:14,218 --> 00:02:15,928 I beat out <i>your</i> fat ass, Cartman!
00:02:16,053 --> 00:02:18,806 All students trying out for the all-state team to center court!
00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:20,141 Good luck.
00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:26,063 Hi, boys.
00:02:26,188 --> 00:02:29,024 Now, you're all here because you're the best of the best.
00:02:29,150 --> 00:02:31,819 I know that you've all worked really hard to make it this far.
00:02:31,944 --> 00:02:34,363 Now let's get out there and show me what you got!
00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:37,199 [ Up-tempo music plays ]
00:02:49,587 --> 00:02:53,007 Uh, excuse me. B-Broflovski, is it?
00:02:53,132 --> 00:02:54,300 Yeah?
00:02:54,425 --> 00:02:56,135 Can we talk to you for a minute?
00:02:57,428 --> 00:03:00,598 You, uh, you're the best player in your school, are you?
00:03:00,723 --> 00:03:01,682 Yep! I love basketball.
00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:03,809 I want to play for the Denver Nuggets someday!
00:03:03,934 --> 00:03:05,895 Yeah. Uh, look, kid.
00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:08,898 You've got great skills and a great attitude,
00:03:09,023 --> 00:03:12,693 but you're just not physically built for the game.
00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:14,195 What do you mean?
00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:18,115 Well, it's just that... Jews can't play basketball.
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:19,325 - [ Whistle blows ] - All right, kids!
00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:21,869 We got to work on that shooting! Come on!
00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:25,372 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
00:03:30,669 --> 00:03:32,922 Dude, you were awesome, Kyle.
00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:36,926 Look, y-you gave it your best shot, right?
00:03:37,051 --> 00:03:38,427 That's all you could do.
00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:50,064 [ Music continues ]
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:53,776 ♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪
00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:55,110 ♪ Yo-o-o-o-u lost ♪
00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:57,029 ♪ Ha-ha ha-ha ha-ha ♪
00:03:59,782 --> 00:04:04,411 Kyle, I'm totally ripping on you at a totally inappropriate time.
00:04:04,912 --> 00:04:07,539 I know. I deserve it.
00:04:07,665 --> 00:04:08,791 Yeah. You know why?
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:11,043 Because Jews can't play basketball!
00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:13,504 You're right.
00:04:13,629 --> 00:04:15,589 Jesus. That's no fun.
00:04:20,552 --> 00:04:23,305 Hey, everybody, you're not gonna believe it!
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:24,848 Believe what?
00:04:24,974 --> 00:04:27,810 It's Mr. Garrison! O-Only it isn't Mr. Garrison!
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:31,146 H-He's a woman now!
00:04:31,272 --> 00:04:34,024 Hello, everybody!
00:04:36,318 --> 00:04:38,988 Can you believe it, ladies? I'm one of you now!
00:04:39,113 --> 00:04:42,074 Wow! Just look at all these tampons!
00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:43,784 Regular, heavy flow.
00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:47,079 Oh, boy! I can't wait till I get my first period!
00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:49,957 [ Humming ]
00:04:50,582 --> 00:04:52,376 Hi, gals!
00:04:52,501 --> 00:04:55,421 Oh, boy. Can you believe the sales they're having out there?
00:04:55,546 --> 00:04:58,340 Well, I'm about to pee out my vagina for the first time.
00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,259 Give us a hug! Girls club!
00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:03,470 All right. Here it goes.
00:05:03,595 --> 00:05:04,555 [ Urinating ]
00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:07,057 Oh, wow! This is great! Look at that!
00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:10,352 I'm peeing sitting down like a dainty, dignified little woman!
00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:12,438 [ Fart, plop ]
00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:15,190 Say, any of you ladies want to go see a sad movie together?
00:05:15,316 --> 00:05:17,526 [ Farting ]
00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:23,574 You guys try those new Wings tampons?
00:05:23,699 --> 00:05:25,326 Do those work well?
00:05:25,451 --> 00:05:27,453 [ Farting ]
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,336 Kyle, you have to cheer up, dude.
00:05:35,461 --> 00:05:37,338 So you aren't built right for basketball.
00:05:37,463 --> 00:05:39,256 But I feel like a basketball player.
00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:40,424 It's all I want to do!
00:05:40,549 --> 00:05:42,384 Hello, boys!
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:45,637 It's me, your teacher, Mrs. Garrison!
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,099 You guys, Mr. Garrison has titties.
00:05:49,224 --> 00:05:50,768 I had a sex-change operation.
00:05:50,893 --> 00:05:52,436 My penis is now a vagina,
00:05:52,561 --> 00:05:55,647 and I'm experiencing womanhood for the first time in my life!
00:05:55,773 --> 00:05:57,399 See you in class!
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:06,116 Mom, Dad, what's a sex-change operation?
00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:07,409 What? Uh, n-nothing.
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:10,329 I'll explain it to you when you're a little older.
00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:11,747 But our teacher, Mr. Garrison --
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:13,624 He just had his penis made into a vagina.
00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:15,751 - How come? - Penis!
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:18,879 Your teacher had a sex change?! Oh, my God!
00:06:19,004 --> 00:06:20,172 Vagina!
00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:23,050 That does it. I'm taking you boys out of that school!
00:06:23,175 --> 00:06:25,594 Gerald, that is very close-minded of you.
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:28,305 You shouldn't judge people who want to change.
00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:29,306 He's a teacher!
00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:31,892 How are we supposed to explain this to our children?
00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:33,310 It's very simple.
00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:36,939 You see, Kyle, sometimes a person's outside
00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:40,067 doesn't reflect who they are on the inside.
00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:41,402 Yeah! That's right!
00:06:41,527 --> 00:06:43,445 They feel like they're somebody trapped
00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:45,197 in another person's body.
00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:48,742 And so they can have a surgery that makes them
00:06:48,867 --> 00:06:51,578 more into the person they see themselves as.
00:06:51,703 --> 00:06:52,871 Do you understand?
00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:55,207 Totally! I totally understand!
00:06:55,332 --> 00:06:59,044 There. You see, Gerald? He totally understands.
00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:04,133 So, I hear you're interested in reconstructive surgery.
00:07:04,258 --> 00:07:06,343 Yeah, my schoolteacher wanted to be a woman,
00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:07,636 and you made him into one.
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,012 Oh, yes. Mr. Garrison.
00:07:09,138 --> 00:07:12,057 Uh, yes. He had a vaginoplasty. Mm-hmm.
00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:14,309 Well, do you also do other surgeries like that?
00:07:14,435 --> 00:07:17,563 Sure. You see, sometimes a woman wants to be a man.
00:07:17,688 --> 00:07:20,107 That procedure is called a peniplasty.
00:07:20,232 --> 00:07:22,818 No, no. I want to be tall and black.
00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:25,571 You what?
00:07:25,696 --> 00:07:29,366 I hate being small and Jewish. I feel like a tall black man.
00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:34,663 Oh, you want a negroplasty!
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,707 - Yeah! - A-A negroplasty?!
00:07:36,832 --> 00:07:38,667 It's a fairly common procedure, really --
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,669 just the reverse of a caucasioplasty
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,171 just like Michael Jackson had.
00:07:42,296 --> 00:07:43,380 Let's take a look here.
00:07:43,505 --> 00:07:46,300 What we do is slice your face and peel it back
00:07:46,425 --> 00:07:49,595 so we can insert new pigment-producing cells inside.
00:07:50,262 --> 00:07:52,473 We break the arm bones in several places
00:07:52,598 --> 00:07:54,600 and put bracers to make them longer.
00:07:54,725 --> 00:07:56,643 Now, the knees we need to snap off
00:07:56,768 --> 00:07:58,729 and fill with small, round objects
00:07:58,854 --> 00:08:00,439 that can cause better movement.
00:08:00,564 --> 00:08:02,733 And we finish it off with a nice peniplasty
00:08:02,858 --> 00:08:04,401 to enhance the genitalia.
00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:08,739 Negroplasty takes about seven hours and costs roughly $3,000.
00:08:08,864 --> 00:08:11,867 Uh, excuse me. Is this really a good idea?
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:14,703 Well, it's a good idea if you want to be tall and black.
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:17,372 Otherwise, I wouldn't recommend it.
00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:22,377 Hello, Mr. Slave!
00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:25,714 Boy, have I been busy. A woman's work is never done.
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,466 I got some tampons.
00:08:27,591 --> 00:08:29,843 I should be getting my period really soon.
00:08:29,968 --> 00:08:34,264 Hope I don't get too emotional and drive you crazy with my PMS.
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:39,686 Mr. Slave, I got something for us, too.
00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:43,815 Would you like to take this beautiful woman to bed?
00:08:43,941 --> 00:08:45,692 No, thanks.
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,444 N-No, thanks?
00:08:47,569 --> 00:08:48,529 Come on, Mr. Slave.
00:08:48,654 --> 00:08:50,405 I want to try out my new snootch.
00:08:50,531 --> 00:08:52,950 I can't believe you just went ahead and had that surgery
00:08:53,075 --> 00:08:55,577 without even asking me what I thought.
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:57,913 Well, I assumed you supported me.
00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:01,458 It's still me. I just have a vagina instead of a penis.
00:09:01,583 --> 00:09:04,795 But I'm gay. I don't like vaginas.
00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:07,172 Don't you even care that I was suffering?
00:09:07,297 --> 00:09:09,132 I wasn't happy the way I was!
00:09:09,258 --> 00:09:11,760 It's great that you feel better, but you never stopped to think
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:14,054 about how the people around you would feel!
00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:15,973 Look, we can still be together.
00:09:16,098 --> 00:09:18,433 All you have to do is stop being gay.
00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:21,520 How can you say that?! You're gay, too!
00:09:21,645 --> 00:09:23,981 I'm not gay! I'm a woman!
00:09:24,106 --> 00:09:25,649 Oh! Jesus Christ!
00:09:25,774 --> 00:09:28,652 Oh, so is that it?! You're just gonna walk out?
00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:30,279 You men are all alike!
00:09:30,404 --> 00:09:34,575 Go ahead and find somebody who doesn't have a vagina, you fag!
00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:40,414 Mom! Dad! I have awesome news!
00:09:40,539 --> 00:09:42,499 The doctor who gave Mr. Garrison a sex change
00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:44,710 said he can make me tall and black!
00:09:44,835 --> 00:09:46,253 What?!
00:09:46,378 --> 00:09:48,088 Dr. Biber said he can give me a negroplasty
00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:50,132 so I can finally look the way I've always wanted!
00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:52,467 He even took my picture and then did computer imaging
00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:54,595 to show what I would look like after the surgery!
00:09:57,139 --> 00:09:59,099 Oh, just great. You see, Sheila?
00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:02,019 This is what your transgender progressive thinking gets you!
00:10:02,144 --> 00:10:03,979 Now your son wants to be transracial.
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:06,648 Can I have $3,000, Mom and Dad? Huh? Can I?
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,275 Absolutely not, Kyle!
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:09,443 But why not?
00:10:09,568 --> 00:10:11,111 You said sometimes people need surgery
00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:12,863 to feel better about themselves.
00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:13,655 Yes, but, Kyle --
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,449 Well, all my life, I've felt that I was black.
00:10:15,574 --> 00:10:16,992 I listen to hip-hop, I watch UPN,
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:18,285 and I love playing basketball.
00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:20,245 My body doesn't reflect who I am inside.
00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:22,706 Kyle, you have to accept your body the way it is.
00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:24,625 Why? Why do I have to accept it when I can change it?
00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:26,084 The answer is no, Kyle!
00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:27,711 You're not going to have negroplasty!
00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:29,129 But Jews can't play basketball!
00:10:29,254 --> 00:10:32,007 Kyle, you better stop being anti-Semitic right now, mister!
00:10:33,759 --> 00:10:37,054 I'm never speaking to either one of you ever again!
00:10:37,179 --> 00:10:38,096 [ Door slams ]
00:10:38,221 --> 00:10:39,848 - Oh, that does it! - Where are you going?
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:42,934 That Dr. Biber is about to get his ass bitten off!
00:10:49,691 --> 00:10:52,319 Who the hell do you think you are?!
00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:54,404 Dr. Biber.
00:10:54,529 --> 00:10:57,240 What kind of nut job would agree to surgically alter my son
00:10:57,366 --> 00:10:58,992 into a tall African-American?!
00:10:59,117 --> 00:11:00,786 Oh, you're Kyle's father.
00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:03,830 That's right, and I also happen to be a lawyer!
00:11:03,955 --> 00:11:06,166 And I'm gonna have you sued for malpractice
00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:07,668 and your clinic shut down!
00:11:07,793 --> 00:11:09,836 What is that on your shirt?
00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:13,423 What the -- They're -- They're dolphins. Why?
00:11:13,548 --> 00:11:15,425 Ah. You like dolphins, hmm?
00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:17,052 I love dolphins.
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,137 Ever since I was a child, I've dreamt of --
00:11:19,262 --> 00:11:21,890 uh, b-but that hardly has any bearing on what I'm here to --
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:24,643 I can make you one.
00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:25,644 What?
00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:26,645 Invert the back,
00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:28,605 move the esophagus to the top of the head.
00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:32,150 Yes, a full dolphinoplasty could be achieved relatively simply.
00:11:32,275 --> 00:11:35,696 Make me a...dolphin?
00:11:35,821 --> 00:11:40,200 ♪ If I could swim with the dolphins ♪
00:11:40,325 --> 00:11:44,246 ♪ The soft and gentle dolphins ♪
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:50,627 ♪ Why can't I swim with the dolphins? ♪
00:11:52,546 --> 00:11:55,006 No. No, no. It's crazy.
00:11:55,132 --> 00:11:56,967 There's nothing crazy about a person
00:11:57,092 --> 00:11:58,468 wanting to look on the outside
00:11:58,593 --> 00:12:01,221 the way they feel on the inside.
00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:04,391 MAN: It's "Girls Gone Wild"!
00:12:04,516 --> 00:12:06,059 [ Crowd cheering ]
00:12:06,184 --> 00:12:07,561 - Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! - Whoo-hoo-hoo!
00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:09,896 MAN: These girls will do anything!
00:12:10,021 --> 00:12:13,483 [ Laughter, cheering ]
00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:15,360 Oh, gee! Should I do it?
00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:18,029 Should I do it? Oh, what the hell?
00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:19,531 Whoo! Whoo!
00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:20,991 [ Crowd groans ]
00:12:21,116 --> 00:12:22,993 Look. I'll giggle and make them bounce up and down!
00:12:23,118 --> 00:12:25,579 [ Giggling ]
00:12:25,704 --> 00:12:26,955 Oh, boy.
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,582 Men will do just about anything
00:12:28,707 --> 00:12:30,792 to get a look at our tits, won't they?
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,252 Men are all the same.
00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:34,254 My boyfriend walked out on me.
00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:35,630 Turns out he was a fag.
00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:37,424 But I've been living it up ever since,
00:12:37,549 --> 00:12:39,926 having sex with all kinds of different guys!
00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:41,344 Girl power!
00:12:41,470 --> 00:12:44,765 You know, the strange thing is I haven't gotten my period yet.
00:12:44,890 --> 00:12:48,018 Is there a reason a woman might miss her period?
00:12:48,143 --> 00:12:51,146 Well, normally if a woman misses her period,
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:54,024 it means she's pregnant.
00:12:54,149 --> 00:12:55,859 Pregnant?
00:12:55,984 --> 00:12:58,069 - Oh, my God. - [ Down-tempo music plays ]
00:12:58,195 --> 00:12:59,237 Of course.
00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:01,114 I haven't gotten to experience a period
00:13:01,239 --> 00:13:04,701 because one of those truckers I slept with got me knocked up.
00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:06,995 I'm pregnant, everybody!
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:10,332 Oh, boy! Now I can have an abortion!
00:13:14,044 --> 00:13:17,172 [ Squeaking, clicking ]
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,591 Gerald! What happened to you?!
00:13:19,716 --> 00:13:21,760 That doctor is a miracle worker, Sheila!
00:13:21,885 --> 00:13:23,595 I-I'm the happiest I've ever been!
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:27,057 Look, Ike! Your daddy's a dolphin!
00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:30,644 A dolphin?!
00:13:30,769 --> 00:13:34,147 Sheila, I-it was wrong of us to be so judgmental of Kyle.
00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:36,191 If he isn't happy with who he is,
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:37,984 then who are we to deny him surgery
00:13:38,109 --> 00:13:40,403 that will make him feel better about himself?
00:13:40,529 --> 00:13:42,364 [ Squeaks, clicks ]
00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:43,782 Gerald, this is crazy.
00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:45,492 I used to think I was crazy.
00:13:45,617 --> 00:13:47,077 But Dr. Biber told me
00:13:47,202 --> 00:13:48,829 that there are a lot of other people out there
00:13:48,954 --> 00:13:50,831 who are trans-species.
00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:53,708 All I did is change my appearance
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:56,753 to look the way I felt here.
00:13:56,878 --> 00:13:59,923 And I'm telling you now that if we don't let Kyle do the same,
00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:02,217 he may never be happy, ever.
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,135 We owe him more than that, Sheila.
00:14:04,261 --> 00:14:07,097 We owe him understanding!
00:14:11,142 --> 00:14:12,018 Fellas!
00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:13,436 Hey, fellas, you got to come see!
00:14:13,562 --> 00:14:14,938 - What? - It's Kyle!
00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:16,690 He's a Negro!
00:14:18,608 --> 00:14:19,860 Wow.
00:14:19,985 --> 00:14:21,653 - I can't believe it. - Did it hurt?
00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:24,823 Yeah, but it was totally worth it.
00:14:24,948 --> 00:14:26,157 Jesus Christ, dude!
00:14:26,283 --> 00:14:27,409 Look, Stan! I'm finally whole!
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,661 My dad is even gonna take me back down to the all-star game
00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:31,288 to see if I can try out for the team again!
00:14:31,413 --> 00:14:33,206 Come on, Kyle! We should get going!
00:14:33,331 --> 00:14:34,916 All right, Dad!
00:14:36,334 --> 00:14:39,170 Dude, is Kyle's dad a dolphin?
00:14:39,296 --> 00:14:42,966 He's a Jewish dolphin -- a Jewphin.
00:14:46,887 --> 00:14:49,347 You here for an abortion, too?
00:14:49,472 --> 00:14:50,932 Yeah, I discovered a few days ago
00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:53,935 I wasn't bleeding out my cooze, so I guess I'm knocked up.
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,228 Is this doctor any good?
00:14:55,979 --> 00:14:58,064 Mrs. Garrison?
00:14:58,189 --> 00:15:00,400 Oh, that's me.
00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:04,529 Hello, Doctor. It looks like I need an abortion.
00:15:05,906 --> 00:15:07,198 An abortion?
00:15:07,324 --> 00:15:08,700 Yeah. I've got one growing inside me.
00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:12,078 Are you gonna scramble its brains or just vacuum it out?
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:14,873 If you want, you can just scramble it,
00:15:14,998 --> 00:15:16,958 and I'll queef it out myself.
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:20,670 - Mr. Garrison -- - Mrs. Garrison.
00:15:20,795 --> 00:15:24,132 Mrs. Garrison, you can't have an abortion.
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:26,843 Don't you tell me what I can and can't do with my body!
00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:29,012 A woman has a right to choose!
00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:32,265 No. I mean you're physically unable to have an abortion
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:34,434 because you can't get pregnant.
00:15:34,559 --> 00:15:36,144 But I missed my period.
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:38,480 You can't have periods, either.
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:41,024 You had a sex change, Mr. Garrison,
00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:43,401 but you don't have ovaries or a womb.
00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:45,111 You don't produce eggs.
00:15:45,236 --> 00:15:47,948 You mean...I'll never know what it feels like
00:15:48,073 --> 00:15:49,574 to have a baby growing inside me
00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:51,826 and then scramble its brains and vacuum it out?
00:15:51,952 --> 00:15:53,078 That's right.
00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:56,623 But I paid $5,000 to be a woman.
00:15:56,748 --> 00:15:58,667 This would mean I'm not really a woman.
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:02,295 It's -- I'm just a -- I'm just a guy with a mutilated penis!
00:16:02,420 --> 00:16:04,339 Basically, yes.
00:16:05,507 --> 00:16:08,468 Oh, boy, do I feel like a jackass.
00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:13,682 Hey, asshole!
00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:16,017 Excuse me. I'm performing an operation here.
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:18,395 You told me you were gonna make me into a woman!
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,772 - I gave you a sex change. - Yeah?!
00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:22,774 Well, what kind of woman can't have abortions
00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:24,818 and bleed out her snatch once a month?!
00:16:24,943 --> 00:16:26,987 You made me into a freak is what you did,
00:16:27,112 --> 00:16:29,197 and I want you to change me back!
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:30,532 Am I a man yet?
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:33,159 Mr. Garrison, I can't reattach your organs.
00:16:33,284 --> 00:16:34,494 Why the hell not?!
00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:36,705 Because I've already used your testicles
00:16:36,830 --> 00:16:38,581 to fashion new knees for a little boy
00:16:38,707 --> 00:16:40,291 who wanted to be tall and black.
00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:41,501 You what?!
00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:43,962 And your scrotum has been made into a dorsal fin
00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:46,172 for a man who wanted to look more like a dolphin.
00:16:46,297 --> 00:16:48,008 Oh, you --
00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:50,343 You're coming with me to find my balls and scrotum
00:16:50,468 --> 00:16:52,595 right now, Mr. Man!
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:58,727 [ Indistinct conversations ]
00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:02,022 MAN: Welcome to the all-state basketball playoffs
00:17:02,147 --> 00:17:05,108 between the best fourth-grade players from Colorado
00:17:05,233 --> 00:17:07,444 and the best fourth-grade players from Wyoming.
00:17:07,569 --> 00:17:08,737 [ Cheers and applause ]
00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:12,323 Coach! Coach! I'm all better. I'm ready to play!
00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:13,783 Who are you?
00:17:13,908 --> 00:17:16,661 I-It's me, Kyle Broflovski. I had a negroplasty.
00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:18,455 Can I play on the all-state team now?
00:17:18,580 --> 00:17:20,915 Well, you're tall and black enough.
00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:22,542 All right, Broflovski. Suit up!
00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:23,960 All right!
00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:25,295 Dad, I can play!
00:17:25,420 --> 00:17:27,630 All right, Kyle!
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:34,054 Excuse me. Where do you have special seating for dolphins?
00:17:34,179 --> 00:17:36,139 [ Vehicle approaching ]
00:17:36,264 --> 00:17:38,433 [ Tires screech ]
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:41,352 Boys, have you seen Kyle? He's not at home!
00:17:41,478 --> 00:17:44,522 Kyle went down to play in the basketball game, Mrs. Garrison.
00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:46,566 He's going to play basketball?
00:17:46,691 --> 00:17:48,610 - Oh, my God. - What?
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:51,988 Well, I only made him <i>look</i> like he could play basketball.
00:17:52,113 --> 00:17:53,323 If he actually does it,
00:17:53,448 --> 00:17:56,159 the testicles in his knees will explode.
00:17:56,284 --> 00:17:58,203 What?! But you made him into a basketball player!
00:17:58,328 --> 00:18:00,413 No, I just made him look more like one.
00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:02,165 We have to stop him from playing.
00:18:02,290 --> 00:18:05,168 Those testicles in his knees are ticking time balls!
00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:06,294 Oh, Jesus!
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:07,295 Come on, boys.
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:10,673 We've got to get to my balls before Kyle hurts himself!
00:18:11,716 --> 00:18:15,220 ♪ And the home of the brave ♪
00:18:15,345 --> 00:18:17,013 [ Cheers and applause ]
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:23,728 [ Whistle blows, indistinct shouting ]
00:18:23,853 --> 00:18:25,980 Broflovski, be ready to take over for Owens.
00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:28,191 I'm 100% ready, Coach!
00:18:33,822 --> 00:18:36,991 E-Excuse me. Where -- Where is the bathroom for dolphins?
00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:39,077 We don't have one.
00:18:39,202 --> 00:18:41,204 Well, where the hell am I supposed to go to the bathroom?!
00:18:41,329 --> 00:18:43,289 I-I need a large tank with saltwater!
00:18:43,414 --> 00:18:46,751 Uh...too bad?
00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:49,087 Damn it, you people have to make special arrangements
00:18:49,212 --> 00:18:50,839 for trans-species people like me.
00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:53,967 I may be a dolphin, but I'm also a lawyer!
00:18:54,092 --> 00:18:55,969 You're a lawphin?
00:18:56,094 --> 00:18:57,595 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:58,721 Tickets, please.
00:18:58,847 --> 00:19:00,014 We don't have tickets!
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:01,891 Sorry, ma'am. No tickets, no entry.
00:19:02,016 --> 00:19:03,893 Look, there's a boy with my balls in his knees,
00:19:04,018 --> 00:19:05,436 and he's in serious danger!
00:19:06,020 --> 00:19:06,896 What?
00:19:07,021 --> 00:19:08,022 My scrotum!
00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:09,858 [ Music continues ]
00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:12,318 That dolphin has my scrotum! Now let us in!
00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:13,528 You can't go in, ma'am!
00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:15,822 [ Grunts ]
00:19:16,698 --> 00:19:18,366 We have unauthorized entry on level 1!
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,451 [ Crowd cheering ]
00:19:20,577 --> 00:19:23,079 All right, Broflovski. You're going in next possession.
00:19:23,204 --> 00:19:24,289 All right!
00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:25,665 [ Clicking ]
00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:27,667 Ow. Hmm.
00:19:28,251 --> 00:19:29,627 Gerald, where's Kyle?!
00:19:29,752 --> 00:19:31,546 - What? Why? - My balls are in his knees.
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,631 If he jumps with them, they'll explode!
00:19:33,756 --> 00:19:34,924 Oh, my God!
00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,427 There they are, next to that dolphin!
00:19:37,552 --> 00:19:39,637 Come on. We got to get to those balls!
00:19:39,762 --> 00:19:40,805 [ Gunfire ]
00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:41,848 Stop them!
00:19:41,973 --> 00:19:44,184 They didn't pay the $2 entry fee!
00:19:44,309 --> 00:19:46,144 MAN: Now substituting for Colorado,
00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:48,605 number 4, Kyle Broflovski.
00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:49,522 [ Cheers and applause ]
00:19:49,647 --> 00:19:51,399 Oh, Jesus! He's about to play!
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:53,067 [ Gunfire ]
00:19:53,193 --> 00:19:54,986 [ Grunting ]
00:19:55,111 --> 00:19:57,030 Mrs. Garrison, grab Kyle!
00:19:57,155 --> 00:19:58,865 Which one is he?
00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:04,621 Aah!
00:20:04,746 --> 00:20:05,872 [ Crowd gasps ]
00:20:05,997 --> 00:20:07,248 Hey, what the hell?
00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:08,917 Stop the game! [ Squeaks ]
00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:10,335 [ Clicking ]
00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:12,837 Aah!
00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:15,006 [ Crowd gasps ]
00:20:15,632 --> 00:20:18,051 I got it! I got the ball!
00:20:18,176 --> 00:20:18,968 Kyle, no!
00:20:19,093 --> 00:20:20,970 MAN: Broflovski goes for the dunk!
00:20:21,095 --> 00:20:21,971 No!
00:20:22,096 --> 00:20:24,432 [ Crowd cheering ]
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:30,063 [ Distorted ] My balls!
00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:35,735 Aah!
00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:38,279 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:20:41,199 --> 00:20:43,910 [ Screams ]
00:20:44,035 --> 00:20:46,871 [ Siren chirps, police radio chatter ]
00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:49,290 So let me get this straight.
00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:52,585 That woman over there was trying to get to her balls,
00:20:52,710 --> 00:20:54,712 which were in the knees of a black child
00:20:54,837 --> 00:20:56,756 whose father is a dolphin.
00:20:56,881 --> 00:20:58,633 Yeah, that's basically it.
00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:00,301 Sounds like an open-and-shut case.
00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:01,678 All right. Let's head 'em out!
00:21:01,803 --> 00:21:02,929 I'm sorry, Kyle.
00:21:03,054 --> 00:21:06,516 I should've told you the surgery was cosmetic only.
00:21:06,641 --> 00:21:10,061 So does this mean I'm not really a dolphin?
00:21:10,186 --> 00:21:11,813 Let's get you two up to the clinic,
00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:14,607 and I'll change you back for a nominal fee.
00:21:14,732 --> 00:21:18,194 But what about Mr. Garrison? He can't go back.
00:21:18,319 --> 00:21:20,655 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:22,949 You know what? I'm okay.
00:21:23,074 --> 00:21:24,909 Even though I'm not truly a woman,
00:21:25,034 --> 00:21:27,120 I think I still like the new me.
00:21:27,245 --> 00:21:30,290 I'd rather be a woman who can't have periods than a fag.
00:21:30,415 --> 00:21:33,334 Hey, guys! This girl is staying a woman!
00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:35,295 Who wants to pound my vag?!
00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:36,713 Girl power!

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