Клизма и дерьмо

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Саут-Парк. Эпизод 808, "Кусок Говна и Мандочист"

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Мы - Саут-Парк, зелено-белые!

Вперед в бой, Коровы смелые!

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Никому не победить Корову! Вперед, Саут-Парк! Мы -

Саут-Парк, зелено-белые! Вперед в бой, Коровы смелые!

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Никому не победить Корову! Вперед, Саут-Парк!

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Эй, Саут-Парк, как настрой!?

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Мууууууу!

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По-моему, у наших Коров самый боевой настрой. А, Менди?

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Да, и Саут-Парк точно покажет Литтлетону на следующей неделе.

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Так давайте выведем нашего талисмана,

чтобы он поднял наш боевой дух!

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Это Билли! Билли, помаши мне!

Помаши мне, Билли!

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Баттерс, заткнись, твою мать...

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Мы – организация PETA - Люди за гуманное обращение с животными!

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Мы протестуем против бездушного использования вами коров в качестве школьного талисмана! Мы – организация PETA

- Люди за гуманное обращение с животными!

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Мы протестуем против бездушного использования

вами коров в качестве школьного талисмана!

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О, Господи! Только не PETA...

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Коров калечат и забивают,

и используют как предмет потребления!

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Это нечестно по отношению к коровам!

Это - ваше бездушие!

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Корова – это раб! Корова – это предмет потребления!

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Который потом выбрасывает общество,

сошедшее с верного пути!

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Итак, дети, мне только что сообщили,

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что ввиду того, что эко-террористы

атаковали нашу школу в 47 раз,

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нам придется поменять талисман школы!

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Но, мистер Гаррисон, если мы изменим талисман,

то это значит, что эко-террористы победили!

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Все верно, Стенли, эко-террористы победили.

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Так, у меня здесь бюллетени для выборов талисмана.

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Каждый ученик должен отметить квадратик напротив

того талисмана, который ему больше понравился.

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Тот, кого отметит наибольшее число учеников,

станет новым талисманом школы.

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Но нам нравиться быть "Коровами"!

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Вы несете ответственность за порабощение и геноцид миллионов!

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Убирайтесь отсюда, PETA,

мы уже меняем наш талисман!

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Мы говорим за тех,

кто не может говорить за себя!

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Уходите, убирайтесь отсюда. Убирайтесь!

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Господи, откуда они только берутся?

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Убирайтесь!

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Блин, отстой!

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Ну, дети, все не так плохо. В бюллетенях есть много

новых отличных талисманов, из которых можно выбирать:

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Ураганы, Бураны, Краснокожие, Индейцы...

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Но ведь Индейцы и Краснокожие так же оскорбительны!

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Нет, с ними все в порядке. PETA наплевать на людей.

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Твою мать, PETA меня бесит!

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Теперь нашим талисманом окажется

какой-нибудь тупой орел или педская рысь.

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Подождите! Пацаны, у меня офигенная идея!

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Мы должны пойти и сказать всем ученикам, которым можем,

чтобы они не отмечали ни один из талисманов в этом бюллетене,

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а вместо этого вписали туда Гигантского Мандочиста!

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Да!

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(Да, офигенно!)

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Нет, нет, подождите-ка!

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У меня есть идея получше, пацаны.

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Мы должны пойти и сказать всем ученикам, которым можем,

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чтобы они не отмечали ни один из талисманов в этом бюллетене,

а вместо этого вписали туда...

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"Сэндвич с Говном"!

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Сэндвич с Говном не лучше чем Гигантский Мандочист.

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Он всего лишь где-то в тысячу раз лучше,

правда, пацаны?

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Пошли! Мы должны быстро сказать всем!

Это будет так прикольно!

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Это была моя идея, и мы скажем всем вписать

Гигантского Мандочиста! Это намного прикольней!

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Нет не прикольней!

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Кенни, что смешнее?

Гигантский Мандочист или Сэндвич с Говном?

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("Гигантский Мандочист")

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Эй, ты это говоришь только из-за того,

что я на той неделе сломал твоему коту ногу.

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Стен, ты выбираешь Гигантского Мандочиста

или Сэндвич с Говном?

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Чувак, мне реально наплевать.

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Двое против одного, потому что Стену наплевать.

Итак, победил Гигантский Мандочист.

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Подождите-ка, а как насчет Баттерса?

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Ты же ненавдишь Баттерса!

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Вашу мать, пацаны, Баттерс – наш друг,

и ему позволено высказывать свое мнение!

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Баттерс, что смешнее:

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тупой несмешной Гигантский Сэндвич

или супер-прикольный Сэндвич с Говном?

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Ха-ха, Сэндвич с Говном!

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Ты его запутал, жиртрест!

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Это – лучший выбор,

и мы с Баттерсом от него не откажемся.

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Да! А зачем это?

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Джимми, мы хотим, чтобы все вписали по-настоящему смешной

талисман, и ты должен сказать нам, какой будет смешнее.

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Это гениальная идея, ребят.

Ключ к успеху юмора – это стойкость юмористического эффекта.

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Скажите мне, какой первый талисман?

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Гигантский Мандочист.

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О’кей, довольно смешно.

А какой второй?

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Сэндвич с Говном.

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О’кей, теперь давайте подождем десять секунд...

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О’кей, теперь скажите-ка мне первый снова.

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Гигантский Мандочист

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- А второй?

- Сэндвич с Говном.

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Господи, они оба дико смешные, ребят.

Лучше подождать еще десять секунд.

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Итак, сейчас мы поймем, какой из них

по-настоящему сохраняет юмористический эффект.

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Номер один?

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Гигантский Мандочист

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- О’кей, по-моему, я понял. Номер два?

- Сэндвич с Говном.

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Господи, я не знаю, что и сказать, ребят.

Они оба – настоящая классика.

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Но я наверное все-таки выберу Гигантского Мандочиста,

просто потому, что тот факт, что он является гигантским

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подчеркивает его бесполезность,

добавляя к сатире оттенок пародии.

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О, мы проиграли?

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Отлично, решено.

Давайте все впишем Гигантского Мандочиста!

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О’кей. Ты выиграл, Кайл.

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Прошу внимания!

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Мы подсчитали бюллетени по выборам талисмана,

и теперь должны провести всеобщее по школе

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голосование между двумя кандидатами,

набравшими наибольшее количество голосов.

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Итак, первый претендент - Гигантский Мандочист.

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Вперед, Гигантский Мандочист!

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Эй, Саут-Парк!

Как настрой?!

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У нас боевой настрой!

Мандочисты мы с тобой!

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Вперед, мандочисты!

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А теперь, второй кандидат - Сэндвич с Говном.

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Давай, Сэндвич с Говном!

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Картман, твою мать!

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Гигантский Мандочист – отстой!

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Смелость города берет!

Сэндвичи с дерьмом – вперед!

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Теперь школьники могут сделать выбор между

Гигантским Мандочистом и Сэндвичем с Говном.

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Мы подсчитаем голоса во вторник.

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Ты не получишь больше голосов чем мы, урод!

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Размечтался, жиденыш!

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Да, размечтался, жиденыш!

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Обязательно проголосуйте за Гигантского Мандочиста.

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(Гигантский Мандочист! Голосуйте за него!)

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Гигантский Мандочист – это ваш кандидат!

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Кайл, а это не заходит ли слишком далеко? В смысле, нам что,

разве нужно, чтобы талисманом школы стал Гигантский Мандочист?

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Чувак, я не собираюсь проиграть

тупому картмановскому Сэндвичу с Говном.

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Голосуйте за Сэндвич с Говном!

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Это самые важные выборы в нашей жизни!

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Сэндвич с Говном принесет нам надежду на перемены!

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Голос за Сэндвич с Говном -

это голос, отданный за завтрашний день!

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Видишь!

Ты что, правда хочешь, чтобы победил этот урод?

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- Я не голосую!

- Что?

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Ты должен проголосовать, чувак. Ты что, не видел всю эту фигню

типа Голосуй, а то проиграешь или ГГГолосуй или умри” Паффа Дэдди.

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Я просто думаю, что это все тупо!

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Кенни, мы должны заставить Стена

понять важность голосования,

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потому что он по любому проголосует за нашего кандидата.

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(Да!)

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Как прошел день в школе, Стенли?

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Это было глупо. Школе нужен новый талисман, и мы должны

выбрать между Гигантским Мандочистом и Сэндвичем с Говном.

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Что ты сказал?

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Ты что сейчас сказал, что выборы - это глупо?

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Нет, я думаю, что выборы – это здорово, но если я должен выбирать

между мандочистом и куском говна, я просто не вижу в чем смысл.

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Ты не видишь в этом смысла?!

О, я просто не могу на нашу молодежь!

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Стенли, знаешь ли ты, сколько людей погибло

за то, чтобы у тебя было право голосовать?

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Мам, я просто не вижу большой разницы между

мандочистом и куском говна. Мне все равно.

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Тебе все равно?

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Ты правда хочешь, чтобы талисманом

твоей школы был Сэндвич с Говном?

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На твоей футбольной форме?! Кусок говна?!

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Ну подожди секунду, Ренди, мне кажется Сэндвич с Говном

на их форме - это несколько лучше, чем Гигантский Мандочист!

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Ты с ума сошла! Мандочист по крайней мере чист!

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Это унижает женщин!

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Ты не понимаешь в чем суть проблемы, Шерон!

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Ты что, считаешь меня глупой?

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Ну, если ты думаешь, что талисманом школы должен быть

Сэндвич с Говном, ты уж далеко не Эйнштейн.

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Мне надоело, что ты постоянно пренебрежительно

относишься к моему мнению, сукин ты сын!

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Я ненавижу эту семью, ненавижу!

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Пафф Дэдди?

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Твой друг Кайл сказал, что ты

не понимаешь важность голосования...

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Очевидно ты не слышал о моей

кампании Голосуй или умри..

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Голосуй или умри?!

Блин да что это вообще значит?

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А ты как думаешь, сука?!

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Голосуй, ё* твою мать, голосуй или умри!

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Голосуй, а то мой нож тебя почешет изнутри.

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Демократия основана на правиле простом -

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Иди и голосуй, иначе я убью тебя потом.

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Я люблю, когда ты голосуешь, сучка,

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Тряси-ка сиськами, когда ты голосуешь, сучка,

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Моя фомка может тебе челюсть оторвать,

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Тащи свой толстый зад скорее бюллетень заполнять.

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Я сказал, голосуй, сука, а то я тебя убью, б**.

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Голосуй, ё* твою мать, голосуй или умри.

00:09:06,900 --> 00:09:08,865

38-й калибр – что надо, а ну попробуй, убеги!

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Пусть твое мнение услышат, ты должен сделать выбор.

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А то заточкой, б***ь по горлу, и ты станешь нем, как рыба.

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Голосуй или умри!

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Ладно,

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я проголосую.

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Привет, Клайд!

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Чего вам пацаны надо?

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Мы тут просто думали, за кого ты мог бы

голосовать на выборах талисмана школы?

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Я еще не определился.

00:09:36,300 --> 00:09:40,300

О, правда? Это интересно. Ты обязательно

должен об этом подумать, и принять верное решение.

00:09:43,300 --> 00:09:45,300

Хочешь ириску?

00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:48,265

Конечно!

00:09:48,300 --> 00:09:51,265

Клайд, ты знаешь, что Сэндвич с Говном

может сделать для нашей школы?

00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:55,300

Сэндвич с Говном - это не только первое говно, претендующее

на то, чтобы стать талисманом школы, но еще и первый сэндвич.

00:09:59,300 --> 00:10:02,300

Понимаешь, Сэндвич с Гоном предлагает

нашей школе полный набор всего необходимого:

00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:06,265

Кусок говна и хлеб, и салат, и оливку.

00:10:06,300 --> 00:10:09,300

В то время как Гигантский Мандочист всего лишь...

00:10:09,335 --> 00:10:12,765

гигантский мандочист.

00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:16,800

Итак, когда придет день выборов, ты скорее

всего проголосуешь за Сэндвич с Говном, да?

00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:21,265

Я все еще до конца не уверен...

00:10:21,300 --> 00:10:24,300

Ну, тогда возможно мы заинтересуем тебя...

00:10:24,335 --> 00:10:26,300

еще одной ириской?

00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:34,265

Ты делаешь все правильно, Стен.

00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:36,300

Разве ты теперь не ощущаешь

себя частью чего-то важного?

00:10:36,335 --> 00:10:37,300

Наверное...

00:10:40,300 --> 00:10:44,300

Слушай, сейчас это может казаться неважным, но твой голос

действительно имеет значение, мы все должны сделать свой вклад.

00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:45,800

О’кей...

00:10:48,300 --> 00:10:49,300

Слушай… подожди, что ты делаешь?

00:10:49,335 --> 00:10:50,265

Я голосую.

00:10:50,300 --> 00:10:52,300

Нет-нет, ты отметил "Сэндвич с Говном".

00:10:52,335 --> 00:10:53,800

Да, я знаю.

00:10:55,300 --> 00:10:57,300

Чувак, ты должен проголосовать за Гигантского Мандочиста.

00:10:57,335 --> 00:10:59,265

Я думал, я должен принять свое собственное решение.

00:10:59,300 --> 00:11:01,300

Ну да, но только если твое решение –

голосовать за Гигантского Мандочиста!

00:11:01,335 --> 00:11:02,265

Та что, блин, с тобой такое?

00:11:02,300 --> 00:11:05,300

Погоди-ка! ты не хотел, чтобы я голосовал,

ты хотел, чтобы я проголосовал за твоего кандидата!

00:11:05,335 --> 00:11:08,300

Ну, я просто решил, что ты проголосуешь за

моего кандидата. Ты чей друг-то, б***ь?

00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:09,265

Паффи!

00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:12,300

Эй, иди на х**, Кайл.

Не дай им запугать себя, Стен. Я провожу тебя до урны.

00:11:12,335 --> 00:11:15,265

А потом я закажу тебе мясной обед со всякими приправами...

00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:19,300

Да забей! Меня не уговорят голосовать, и не заставят

голосовать угрозами, если мне этого не хочется!

00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:22,800

Я не буду голосовать, и вам всем придется смириться с этим!

00:11:25,300 --> 00:11:28,300

Мы просто не знаем, что нам делать

с вашим сыном, мистер и миссис Марш!

00:11:28,335 --> 00:11:30,265

Он просто не понимает важность голосования!

00:11:30,300 --> 00:11:33,300

Стенли, когда ты пошел в школу утром,

ты сказал, что собираешься проголосовать.

00:11:33,335 --> 00:11:35,265

Вся эта затея – глупость!

00:11:35,300 --> 00:11:39,265

Видите? Он неуправляем.

Это чуть не разрушило всю нашу семью!

00:11:39,300 --> 00:11:43,300

Ну, я ничего не могу поделать. Мы больше не можем

позволять поведению Стена быть угрозой для других детей.

00:11:44,300 --> 00:11:45,265

Его придется выгнать.

00:11:45,300 --> 00:11:49,300

Теперь ты доволен, Стен? Ты добился,

чтобы тебя временно отстранили от занятий.

00:11:49,335 --> 00:11:51,265

Нет, я боюсь все несколько хуже...

00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:55,300

По закону округа я должна применить

самое суровое наказание!

00:11:55,335 --> 00:11:57,817

Исключение?

00:11:57,852 --> 00:12:00,300

Нет. Изгнание.

00:12:00,335 --> 00:12:01,265

Изгнание?

00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:04,300

Вы можете подать апелляцию в городской совет,

но я не думаю, что это поможет.

00:12:04,335 --> 00:12:08,300

Ваш сын должен покинуть Саут-Парк,

и никогда не возвращаться.

00:12:08,335 --> 00:12:11,265

О, Ренди...

00:12:11,300 --> 00:12:14,300

Наш сын изгнан.

Что мы сделали не так?

00:12:19,300 --> 00:12:21,300

Вы ведь все шутите, да?

00:12:24,300 --> 00:12:28,300

Как это было во времена наших предков,

так это случится и теперь:

00:12:28,335 --> 00:12:31,817

Стен Марш, за отказ следовать священнейшему из наших обрядов,

00:12:31,852 --> 00:12:35,300

ты настоящим указом изгоняешься из Саут-Парка на веки вечные...

00:12:35,335 --> 00:12:38,567

...или до тех пор, пока ты не решишь, что выборы важны.

00:12:38,602 --> 00:12:41,800

Прощай, Стен. И да будут боги с тобой добрее, чем были мы.

00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,800

Стен, ты не думаешь, что это зашло слишком далеко?

00:12:58,835 --> 00:13:00,300

Так уж это важно?

00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:02,800

Да, просто проголосуй...

00:13:03,300 --> 00:13:05,300

за Гигантского Мандочиста.

00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:07,300

Я не буду голосовать!

00:13:12,300 --> 00:13:14,300

Йоу, Паффи, мы что позволим этому случиться?

00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:16,265

Мы должны убить этого неголосующего дурака!

00:13:16,300 --> 00:13:20,300

Нет, Джустейшес, пусть идет.

Он и двух недель не выдержит в пустыне...

00:13:23,300 --> 00:13:25,265

Это разбивает сердце твоей маме, Стен...

00:13:25,300 --> 00:13:27,300

Она даже не может помочь привязать тебя к лошади!

00:13:27,335 --> 00:13:29,265

Отец, а тебе не кажется, что это уже слишком?

00:13:29,300 --> 00:13:33,300

Господи, я боюсь, ты никогда не поймешь, как важны выборы.

00:13:34,300 --> 00:13:35,300

Прощай, Стен.

00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:37,800

Но!

00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:52,300

Это одна из самых трудных вещей,

которые приходится делать родителям...

00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:12,800

- Посмотрите, что это?

- О, бедняжка!

00:14:12,835 --> 00:14:14,265

Эй?

00:14:14,300 --> 00:14:16,300

Не волнуйся, мы освободим тебя.

00:14:16,335 --> 00:14:17,800

Только посиди спокойно...

00:14:17,835 --> 00:14:18,765

О, слава богу!

00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:21,300

Слез с него, ты грязный человек!

00:14:23,300 --> 00:14:25,265

Бедняжке нужна вода.

00:14:25,300 --> 00:14:27,265

Теперь ты в безопасности.

00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:29,800

Тебе должно быть стыдно за то,

что ты сделал из этого коня своего раба.

00:14:32,300 --> 00:14:34,300

Идем, ты можешь остаться жить с нами.

00:14:34,335 --> 00:14:35,300

Мы дадим тебе пищу и кров.

00:14:35,335 --> 00:14:36,817

А как насчет меня?

00:14:36,852 --> 00:14:38,300

Откройте ворота!

00:14:48,300 --> 00:14:51,300

Бедному животному нужна в пища и вода.

00:14:51,335 --> 00:14:53,317

Здесь ты всегда дома, друг.

00:14:53,352 --> 00:14:55,265

Ребенок тоже хочет остаться.

00:14:55,300 --> 00:14:58,300

Меня посадили на коня.

Я не хотел ехать на нем.

00:14:58,335 --> 00:15:00,265

Я не знаю, можно ли тебе остаться...

00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:04,300

Нам надо спросить у доктора Корнуоллиса. Пойдем.

00:15:05,300 --> 00:15:07,265

Обычно мы не принимаем к себе чужаков.

00:15:07,300 --> 00:15:11,265

Понимаешь, мы живем в гармонии с животными.

00:15:11,300 --> 00:15:14,265

Они для нас не домашние любимцы,

а равноправные товарищи.

00:15:14,300 --> 00:15:18,300

Мы работаем вместе с животными

и стараемся жить по их законам...

00:15:20,300 --> 00:15:24,300

Мы дружим с животными. Мы сосуществуем, и мы...

00:15:24,335 --> 00:15:26,317

...женимся между собой.

00:15:26,352 --> 00:15:28,265

Это моя жена, Дженис.

00:15:28,300 --> 00:15:32,300

Во внешнем мире люди с презрением относятся к человеку,

женившемуся на ламе, но наша любовь не знает границ.

00:15:39,300 --> 00:15:42,300

Ух-ты, вы действительно любите животных.

00:15:42,335 --> 00:15:43,265

А почему нет?!

00:15:43,300 --> 00:15:46,265

Вот Марк живет с Келли уже три года...

00:15:46,300 --> 00:15:50,300

А у Гари и Салли недавно получилось завести ребенка.

00:15:51,300 --> 00:15:54,265

Убейте меня...

00:15:54,300 --> 00:15:57,300

Да, жизнь здесь прекрасна и естественна.

Но теперь, когда ты знаешь, где находится наш лагерь,

00:15:57,335 --> 00:16:01,300

тебе придется либо остаться жить с нами, либо умереть.

00:16:02,300 --> 00:16:03,800

Я останусь жить с вами.

00:16:03,835 --> 00:16:05,265

Это не тебе решать.

00:16:05,300 --> 00:16:09,300

Ты должен поговорить с доктором Корнуоллисом.

00:16:33,300 --> 00:16:35,265

Что он сказал?

00:16:35,300 --> 00:16:36,265

Он сказал, что я могу остаться.

00:16:36,300 --> 00:16:39,265

Отлично. Доктор Корнуоллис мудр не по годам.

00:16:39,300 --> 00:16:43,300

Вот тебе футболка и наклейка

на бампер с символикой PETA.

00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:53,065

Это Дебаты 2004 с ведущим Джимом Лерером.

00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:57,100

Добро пожаловать на теледебаты между

Гигантским Мандочистом и Сэндвичем с Говном.

00:16:59,100 --> 00:17:00,065

Мы начнем с Гигантского Мандочиста.

00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:04,100

Сэр, некоторые школьники и их родители не хотят,

чтобы их представлял гигантский мандочист.

00:17:05,100 --> 00:17:07,065

Что вы можете сказать этим людям?

00:17:07,100 --> 00:17:09,065

Джим, прежде всего я хотел бы поблагодарить

вас за то, что вы проводите эти дебаты.

00:17:09,100 --> 00:17:13,100

Я бы также хотел поблагодарить всех школьников

и их родителей за то, что они пришли сегодня.

00:17:13,135 --> 00:17:15,065

Подлиза! Подлиза!

00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:17,065

Чего? Он же явно подмазывается!

00:17:17,100 --> 00:17:18,100

Но я бы хотел, чтобы те школьники и их родители,

которые сомневаются во мне,

00:17:18,135 --> 00:17:22,100

просто посмотрели бы на моего оппонента.

00:17:23,100 --> 00:17:25,600

Он – бутерброд с говном.

00:17:25,635 --> 00:17:28,065

Вы бутерброд с говном.

00:17:28,100 --> 00:17:31,100

Нет, сэр, простите меня,

но вообще-то вы бутерброд с говном.

00:17:31,135 --> 00:17:33,065

Вы бутерброд с говном.

00:17:33,100 --> 00:17:37,065

- Сэр, вы бутерброд с говном.

- Вы бутерброд с говном.

00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:40,100

Сэндвич с Говном, я бы попросил вас не перебивать оппонента.

00:17:40,135 --> 00:17:42,065

Извините меня, Джим.

00:17:42,100 --> 00:17:44,100

В любом случае, как я уже сказал...

00:17:44,135 --> 00:17:46,100

Постойте, я забыл о чем я говорил...

00:17:46,135 --> 00:17:47,065

Ха! Ну и мандочист!

00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:50,065

Хорошо, Сэндвич с Говном, следующий вопрос для вас:

00:17:50,100 --> 00:17:54,100

Как начальная школа Саут-Парка

должна обеспечивать соблюдение

00:17:55,100 --> 00:17:59,100

правил поведения юными спортсменами

во время проведения спортивных мероприятий?

00:18:00,100 --> 00:18:03,065

Понимаете, мой оппонент

даже не знает ответ на этот вопрос.

00:18:03,100 --> 00:18:06,600

Если вы зададите ему этот же вопрос,

он не сможет на него ответить!

00:18:06,635 --> 00:18:10,100

Он будет просто стоять и болтать

ни о чем, пока его не спасет гудок...

00:18:11,100 --> 00:18:15,100

Ваше время вышло, Говно.

00:18:16,100 --> 00:18:20,100

Стен, я хочу представить тебя своей падчерице Терезе.

00:18:20,135 --> 00:18:23,100

Похоже, ты ей понравился...

00:18:23,135 --> 00:18:25,065

И у нее течка...

00:18:25,100 --> 00:18:27,065

Э, нет спасибо, не надо.

00:18:27,100 --> 00:18:31,100

Стен, некоторые члены PETA начинают сомневаться,

любишь ли ты животных?

00:18:32,100 --> 00:18:33,100

Я на самом деле люблю животных,

00:18:33,135 --> 00:18:35,065

просто не так, как вы.

00:18:35,100 --> 00:18:38,100

Тебе не место здесь, Стен.

Ты должен вернуться домой.

00:18:38,135 --> 00:18:41,100

Я не могу. Меня изгнали за то,

что я не стал голосовать.

00:18:41,135 --> 00:18:43,065

Господи, но почему же ты не хотел голосовать?

00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:47,100

Я думаю, что выборы – это здорово. Просто в этот раз мне было все равно,

потому что выбирали между Гигантским Мандочистом и Сэндвичем с Говном.

00:18:47,135 --> 00:18:51,100

Но Стен, ты что, не знаешь, что всегда приходится выбирать

между между гигантским мандочистом и сэндвичем с говном.

00:18:53,100 --> 00:18:57,100

Почти каждые выборы с начала времен были борьбой

между каким-нибудь куском говна и мандочистом.

00:18:57,135 --> 00:19:01,100

Это единственные люди, которые настолько обсосны,

что могут так далеко продвинуться в политике.

00:19:01,135 --> 00:19:04,065

Мне кажется, вы правы.

00:19:04,100 --> 00:19:08,100

Йоу, что я тебе обещал с тобой сделать, сука!?

00:19:09,100 --> 00:19:13,100

Ааа! Он носит на себе кожу животного!

00:19:13,135 --> 00:19:17,100

Получи!

00:19:19,100 --> 00:19:22,100

Я надеюсь, это научит вас тому, что такое боль...

00:19:22,135 --> 00:19:26,100

Итиус, Родикус!

00:19:32,100 --> 00:19:36,100

Защищайте животных, защищайте животных!

00:19:38,100 --> 00:19:42,100

Дженис, мы умрем вместе, в объятиях друг друга!

00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:49,100

Убейте меня!

Убейте МЕНЯ!

00:19:56,100 --> 00:20:00,100

Ладненько, вот еще один голос за Сэндвич с Говном.

00:20:00,135 --> 00:20:02,065

Так кто победил, мистер Мэкки?!

00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:06,100

Разрыв очень небольшой, но, похоже,

победит Гигантский Мандочист.

00:20:06,135 --> 00:20:07,065

О нет! Нет!

00:20:07,100 --> 00:20:09,100

Ха! Ты проиграл, жиртрест!

00:20:09,135 --> 00:20:13,100

Эй, погодите-ка!

00:20:16,100 --> 00:20:18,065

Стен!

00:20:18,100 --> 00:20:22,065

Стен, ты вернулся.

Это значит, ты понял, важность выборов?

00:20:22,100 --> 00:20:26,100

Я понял, что мне лучше привыкнуть выбирать между куском говна и

мандочистом, потому что это единственный выбор, который у меня будет.

00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:29,065

Он будет голосовать!

00:20:29,100 --> 00:20:32,100

- Он будет голосовать!

- Он будет голосовать!

00:20:32,135 --> 00:20:35,100

Пойдем голосовать! Пусть наши голоса услышат!

00:20:36,100 --> 00:20:40,100

Нам дали право выбирать между куском говна и мандочистом.

00:20:41,100 --> 00:20:45,100

Это демократия в действии! Проверь свою свободу!

00:20:46,100 --> 00:20:50,100

Здоровый жирный кусок говна или тупой мандочист.

Кто тебе больше нравиться?

00:20:52,100 --> 00:20:56,100

С учетом голоса Стена, общее число голосов,

поданное за Сэндвич с Говном составило 36!

00:20:57,100 --> 00:20:59,100

А за Гигантского Мандочиста отдано...

00:20:59,135 --> 00:21:01,065

1410 голосов!

00:21:01,100 --> 00:21:05,100

Гигантский Мандочист все равно победил!

00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:09,100

Блин, так мой голос даже и не имел значения!?

00:21:09,135 --> 00:21:11,065

Эй! Это не так, Стен!

00:21:11,100 --> 00:21:15,100

Ты не можешь определять важность выборов тем,

выиграл ли твой кандидат или нет!

00:21:15,135 --> 00:21:17,065

Твой голос все же имел значение...

00:21:17,100 --> 00:21:21,100

Эй, слушайте, только что всех членов

PETA нашли убитыми в их лагере!

00:21:22,100 --> 00:21:24,100

Что за? Все они мертвы?

00:21:24,135 --> 00:21:26,065

Ну, это значит...

00:21:26,100 --> 00:21:30,100

Что мы снова можем быть Коровами Саут-Парка!

00:21:31,100 --> 00:21:33,100

Нет, твой голос не имел значения...

00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,503

♪ gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:00:12,638 --> 00:00:14,220

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:15,759

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,891 --> 00:00:16,756

♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:18,303

♪ gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:20,722

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:21,685

♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:23,554

♪ Headin' on up

to South Park ♪

00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:25,556

♪ gonna see

if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,353

♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:30,489 --> 00:00:32,355

♪ and meet some

friends of mine ♪

00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:38,827

We are South Park,

green and white!

00:00:38,956 --> 00:00:40,163

Let's go Cows--

fight fight fight!

00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:44,159

Nobody can beat a cow,

let's go, South Park!

00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:46,126

Hey, South Park, do you

have school spirit?

00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:50,290

I think us cows have the best

school spirit, huh, Mandy?

00:00:50,425 --> 00:00:52,337

Yeah, and South Park is

really gonna stick it

00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:53,550

to Littleton

next week.

00:00:53,679 --> 00:00:54,965

So let's bring out

our mascot

00:00:55,097 --> 00:00:56,463

and get this

pep rally going!

00:00:59,768 --> 00:01:00,804

It's Mooey!

00:01:00,936 --> 00:01:02,302

Mooey, wave to me!

Wave to me, Mooey!

00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:04,053

Butters,

shut the hell up.

00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:14,364

We are People for the Ethical

Treatment of Animals!

00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:16,323

We protest your

insensitive use

00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:18,317

of cows as your

school mascot!

00:01:18,453 --> 00:01:20,536

Oh, Jesus,

not PETA again.

00:01:20,664 --> 00:01:25,079

Cows are maimed and slaughtered

and used as a commodity!

00:01:28,714 --> 00:01:29,704

This is the fate

of the cows!

00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:32,753

This is your

insensitivity!

00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:33,416

Eww!!

00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:38,342

The cow is a slave.

00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:39,680

The cow is

a commodity,

00:01:39,808 --> 00:01:43,222

to be thrown away,

by a society gone wrong!

00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,556

Alright, children,

I have just been informed

00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:50,900

that since our school has been

attacked by eco-terrorists

00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:53,148

for the 47th time,

00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:56,398

we are going to change

our school mascot.

00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:00,318

But Mr. Garrison,

if we change our mascot,

00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:01,695

that means the

eco-terrorists win.

00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:04,493

That's right, Stanley,

the eco-terrorists win.

00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:07,743

Now, I have here a mascot

selection sheet.

00:02:07,878 --> 00:02:09,710

Every student is supposed

to check the box

00:02:09,838 --> 00:02:12,330

next to the mascot

they like the most.

00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:15,834

And the most popular selection

will be the school's new mascot.

00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,877

But we like

being the cows.

00:02:19,348 --> 00:02:20,680

You're responsible

for the enslavement

00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:22,264

and genocide

of millions!

00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:24,099

Get-get out

of here, PETA!

00:02:24,227 --> 00:02:26,093

We're changin'

the mascot already!

00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:28,016

We speak for those who cannot

speak for themselves!

00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,060

Go on,

get outta here!

00:02:30,192 --> 00:02:32,149

Get-get out!

00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:34,485

Jesus, where do they

keep coming from?

00:02:34,613 --> 00:02:36,195

Go on,

get outta here.

00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:38,402

ThiS is

bull crap, dude!

00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:40,274

Now, children,

it's not that bad.

00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:41,571

There's plenty of

great new mascots

00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:42,784

on the sheet

to choose from.

00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:45,200

The Hurricanes,

the Blizzards,

00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:47,494

the Redskins, the Indians...

00:02:47,626 --> 00:02:49,618

But aren't Indians and

Redskins just as offensive?

00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:50,834

No, those are fine.

00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:52,419

PETA doesn't

care about people.

00:02:53,548 --> 00:02:55,039

God damn it,

vegans piss me off!

00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:56,962

Now, we're gonna end up

with a stupid eagle,

00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:58,710

or a faggot bobcat

as a mascot.

00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:00,552

Wait, you guys!

I have an awesome idea.

00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:01,637

We should

secretly go around

00:03:01,765 --> 00:03:03,301

and tell all

the students we can

00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:05,299

to not check any of the mascots

on the selection sheet,

00:03:05,435 --> 00:03:07,552

and instead, write in:

"Giant Douche."

00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:08,553

Yeah!

00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:09,645

Yeah, that'll

be awesome!

00:03:09,773 --> 00:03:10,559

Hey, no, wait, wait!

00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,057

I got a better idea,

you guys.

00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,650

What we should do, is we

should secretly go around

00:03:14,778 --> 00:03:15,564

and tell all

the students we can

00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,904

to not check any of the mascots

on the selection sheet,

00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,148

and instead, write in:

"Turd Sandwich."

00:03:22,411 --> 00:03:24,198

Turd Sandwich isn't better

than Giant Douche.

00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:26,241

It's only about 1,000 times

better, am I right, guys?

00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:27,739

Come on, we have to

tell everybody fast,

00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:29,240

it's gonna be so funny!

00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:30,162

It was my idea, and

we're gonna tell everyone

00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:31,249

to write in

Giant Douche!

00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:33,415

It's way funnier!

- It is not!

00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,288

Kenny, what's funnier, giant

douche or a Turd Sandwich?

00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:36,039

Giant Douche.

00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:37,130

Ah, you're just

saying that

00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:39,125

because I broke your

cat's leg last week!

00:03:39,261 --> 00:03:41,002

Stan, do you pick Giant Douche

or Turd Sandwich?

00:03:41,138 --> 00:03:42,504

Dude, I really

don't care.

00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:44,638

That's 2 against 1,

if Stan doesn't care.

00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:45,677

So it's Giant Douche.

00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:47,425

Wait, wait,

what about Butters?

00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:48,722

Huh?

You hate Butters!

00:03:48,854 --> 00:03:50,436

God damn it, you guys,

Butters is our friend!

00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:51,896

And he should be allowed

to have his opinion!

00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,222

Butters, which is funnier?

00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:54,690

A stupid, not funny

Giant Douche

00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:56,354

or a super funny

Turd Sandwich?

00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:57,602

Ha ha, Turd Sandwich!

00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:58,899

You misled him,

fat ass!

00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,104

It's the best choice,

00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,822

and me and Butters

are sticking with it.

00:04:02,117 --> 00:04:02,527

Yeah!

00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:04,195

What's this for?

00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:05,443

Jimmy, we're gonna have

everyone write in a mascot

00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:06,786

that's really funny,

00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,245

and you have to tell us which

one would be funnier.

00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:09,705

That's a fantastic

idea, fellas.

00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:12,541

The key to successful humor

is s-staying power.

00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:13,830

Tell me the first

mascot idea.

00:04:14,212 --> 00:04:15,293

A Giant Douche.

00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:17,292

Okay, that's pretty funny.

00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:18,414

Now, what's the second?

00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:20,166

A Turd Sandwich.

00:04:20,302 --> 00:04:22,259

Okay, okay, now, let's wait 10 seconds.

00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:30,680

Okay, now tell me

the first one again?

00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:32,144

Giant Douche.

00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,729

And the second?

00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:35,314

Turd Sandwich.

00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:38,310

Jeez, they're both

screamingly funny, fellas.

00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:41,108

Better give it

another 10 seconds.

00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:46,864

Alright, now we'll see which

one really has staying power.

00:04:47,162 --> 00:04:47,902

Number one?

00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:49,537

A Giant Douche.

00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:50,780

Okay, I think

that's it.

00:04:50,916 --> 00:04:51,906

Number two?

00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:53,325

Turd Sandwich.

00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:55,201

Jeez, I don't know what

to tell you, fellas.

00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:56,453

They're both

instant classics.

00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:58,329

But I guess I'll have to

go with Giant Douche,

00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,673

simply because the fact that it

is a giant renders it useless,

00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,292

adding a parody slant

to the satire.

00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:03,588

Aggh!

00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:04,836

Aw, we lost?

00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:06,094

Alright, it's decided.

00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:07,555

Let's all write in

"Giant Douche".

00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:09,514

Okay, you win, Kyle.

00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:14,186

Attention students,

00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,180

we have tallied your

mascot nomination sheets,

00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,683

and there will now be

a school-wide vote

00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:20,731

between the top two

nominations.

00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:24,230

So, here's the first

most requested candidate:

00:05:24,366 --> 00:05:26,779

a Giant Douche.

00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:27,821

♪ Y'all ready for this ♪

00:05:32,874 --> 00:05:33,864

Go, Giant Douche!

00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,375

Hey, South Park!

00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:37,869

Have we got

school spirit?

00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:41,876

We've got spirit,

yes, we do!

00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:43,840

Giant Douches,

me and you!

00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,339

Let's goooo...

Douches!

00:05:52,561 --> 00:05:56,396

And now, your second

nominee, Turd Sandwich.

00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:58,139

♪ Who let the dogs out? ♪

00:05:58,275 --> 00:06:00,107

♪ Who, who, who,

who, who ♪

00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:02,067

♪ Who let

the dogs out?... ♪

00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:03,652

Alright,

Turd Sandwich!

00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:05,191

Cartman--

what the hell?

00:06:05,323 --> 00:06:06,404

Giant Douche sucks!

00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,741

We've got spirit,

yes we do!

00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:11,486

We are sandwiches

filled with poo, yeah!

00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,831

Students can now

cast their choice

00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:19,168

between the Giant Douche

and the Turd Sandwich.

00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:21,162

We'll count up

the votes on Tuesday.

00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:23,164

You won't get more votes

than us, asshole!

00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:24,757

Game on, Jew-boy!

00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:27,593

Yeah, game on,

Jew-boy!

00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:30,254

Be sure to vote for

Giant Douche!

00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:31,847

Giant Douche,

he's the best!

00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:33,474

Giant Douche

is your man!

00:06:33,602 --> 00:06:35,685

Kyle, aren't you taking this

a little too far?

00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:36,848

I mean, do we really want

a Giant Douche

00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:38,096

to be our school mascot?

00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:39,312

Dude, I am not going

to lose to Cartman's

00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:40,648

stupid Turd Sandwich.

00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,102

Vote for Turd Sandwich!

00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,446

This is the most important

election of your lives.

00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,611

Turd Sandwich brings

the hope for change!

00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:52,702

A vote for Turd Sandwich

is a vote for tomorrow.

00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,695

There, you really want

that asshole to win?

00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:55,787

I'm not voting.

00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:56,781

What?!

00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,283

You gotta vote, dude.

00:06:58,418 --> 00:06:59,625

Haven't you seen the

"Rock the Vote" stuff,

00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,085

or Puff Daddy's

"Vote or Die"?

00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:04,296

I just think this

whole thing is stupid.

00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,256

Kenny, we have got to

make Stan understand

00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:07,716

the importance of voting.

00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:09,460

Because he'll definitely

vote for our guy.

00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:10,461

Yeah!

00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:13,639

How was school

today, Stanley?

00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,133

It was ridiculous.

00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,133

We have to have

a new school mascot,

00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:17,476

and we're supposed to vote

00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:18,845

between a Giant Douche

and a Turd Sandwich.

00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:22,060

What did you say?

00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:25,356

Did you just say that

voting is ridiculous?

00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:26,773

No, I think

voting is great,

00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:28,771

but if I have to choose

between a douche and a turd,

00:07:28,907 --> 00:07:30,239

I just don't

see the point.

00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:31,653

You don't

see the point!

00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,367

Oh, you young people

just make me sick!

00:07:33,495 --> 00:07:34,861

Stanley, do you know

how many people died

00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:36,529

so you could have

the right to vote?

00:07:36,665 --> 00:07:38,122

Mom, I just don't think there's

much of a difference

00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:39,160

between a douche

and a turd.

00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,328

I don't care.

00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:41,746

You don't care!!

00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:44,165

You really want a Turd Sandwich

as your school mascot!

00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:46,254

On your football helmets--

a turd!

00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:47,669

Well, hold on, Randy.

00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:49,292

I think a Turd Sandwich

is a little better

00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:51,293

than them having a giant

douche on their uniforms.

00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:52,169

You're crazy!

00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:53,671

A douche is

at least clean.

00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:55,264

It's sexist,

is what it is!

00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:57,304

You don't understand

the issues, Sharon!

00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:58,516

Are you calling me

ignorant?

00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:01,183

If you think the school mascot

should be a Turd Sandwich,

00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:02,350

you're not

exactly Einstein!

00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,018

I am sick of you

belittling my opinion,

00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:05,357

you son of a bitch!

00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:09,403

I hate this family,

I hate it!

00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:18,078

Puff Daddy?

00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:19,413

Your friend Kyle told me

00:08:19,541 --> 00:08:21,954

you don't understand

the importance of voting.

00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:23,326

I--

00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:25,953

apparently you haven't heard

of my Vote or Die campaign.

00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,964

Vote or Die, what the hell

does that even mean?

00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:32,301

What you think

it means, bitch?!

00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:33,502

Ahhhh!!

00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:38,345

♪ Vote or die, motherfucker

motherfucker, vote or die! ♪

00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:39,307

♪ Rock the vote ♪

00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:40,677

♪ or else I'm gonna stick

a knife through your eye ♪

00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:43,224

♪ Democracy is founded

on one simple rule ♪

00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:44,346

♪ Get out there and vote,

00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:46,269

or I will motherfucking

kill you ♪

00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:48,229

Yeah.

00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,523

♪ I like it when you

vote bitch ♪

00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:52,237

♪ Shake them titties when you

vote, bitch ♪

00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:55,278

♪ I'll slam my Jimmy through

your mouth roof, mouth roof ♪

00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:57,823

♪ Now get your big ass

in the polling booth ♪

00:08:58,163 --> 00:09:01,952

♪ I said, vote, bitch

or I'll fucking kill you ♪

00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:05,618

♪ Vote or die, motherfucker

motherfucker, vote or die! ♪

00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:08,121

♪ You can't run from a.38

go ahead and try ♪

00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:10,589

♪ Let your opinion be heard

you gotta make a choice ♪

00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:12,424

♪ 'Cause after

I slit your throat ♪

00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:13,918

♪ you won't have

a fuckin' voice ♪

00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:18,305

♪ Vote or die ♪

Vote or die!

00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:22,142

Okay, I'll vote.

00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:30,442

Hello, Clyde!

00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:31,981

What do you guys want?

00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:33,979

We were just wondering who

you might be voting for,

00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:34,821

for the new

school mascot.

00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:36,110

I haven't decided yet.

00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,074

Oh, really?

Well, that's interesting.

00:09:38,203 --> 00:09:39,535

You certainly should

think about it

00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:42,405

and make the right

decision.

00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:45,332

Butterscotch candy?

00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:47,417

Sure.

00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,329

Clyde, are you aware

of what Turd Sandwich

00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:51,876

can bring to our school?

00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:53,044

Turd Sandwich is not only

00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:55,338

the first turd to be

nominated school mascot,

00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:56,631

but even the first sandwich.

00:09:58,556 --> 00:10:00,889

You see, what Turd Sandwich

brings to our school, Clyde,

00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:02,383

is a complete package--

00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:03,305

The turd,

and the bread,

00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:04,802

and the lettuce,

and the olive.

00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:09,314

Whereas Giant Douche

is just, well,

00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,149

just a Giant Douche.

00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:13,978

So, come voting day,

you'll now most likely

00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,696

vote for the

Turd Sandwich, yes?

00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:20,276

I'm still not

totally sure.

00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:23,904

Well, then perhaps we

could interest you in...

00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,123

Another

butterscotch candy?

00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:34,586

You're doing the

right thing, Stan.

00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:35,924

Don't you feel like you're

a part of something now?

00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:37,509

I guess.

00:10:40,431 --> 00:10:41,672

Look, it may not

seem important now,

00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,470

but your vote

really does count.

00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:44,808

And we all have to

do our part.

00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:45,596

Okay.

00:10:45,728 --> 00:10:48,596

Whoa, wait,

what are you doing?

00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:49,847

I'm voting.

00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:51,940

No, you wrote down

Turd Sandwich.

00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:55,186

Yeah, I know.

00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,445

Dude, you're supposed to

vote for Giant Douche.

00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:59,031

I thought I was supposed to

make my own decision.

00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:01,151

Well, yeah, but not if your

decision is for Turd Sandwich!

00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:02,527

What the hell

is wrong with you?!

00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:03,573

Wait a minute, you didn't

want me to vote!

00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:04,946

You wanted me to

vote for your guy!

00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:06,447

Well, I just figured

you'd vote for my guy!

00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:07,619

Whose fucking

friend are you?!

00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:08,615

Puffy!

00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:09,912

Hey, fuck off, Kyle!

00:11:10,044 --> 00:11:10,955

Don't let them

intimidate you, Stan.

00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:11,952

I'll help walk you

to the booth.

00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:13,579

And then I'm gonna buy you

a nice steak dinner

00:11:13,715 --> 00:11:14,671

with all the trimmings.

00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:15,835

Oh, forget it!

00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:17,083

I'm not gonna be

persuaded into voting,

00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:18,668

and I'm not gonna be

threatened into voting

00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:20,339

if I don't feel

comfortable with it!

00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:22,258

I'm not gonna vote, and you

all can just live with it!

00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:27,469

We've simply had it with your

son, Mr. and Mrs. Marsh!

00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:29,391

Voting just doesn't appear

to be important to him.

00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:32,105

Stanley, when you left

for school this morning,

00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:33,269

you said you were

going to vote!

00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:34,733

The whole thing

is a joke!

00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:36,352

You see?

He's out of control!

00:11:36,487 --> 00:11:39,571

It's nearly torn our

whole family apart.

00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,190

Well, my hands are tied.

00:11:41,326 --> 00:11:42,487

We can no longer

have Stan's behavior

00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:44,360

jeopardizing the

other children.

00:11:44,495 --> 00:11:45,861

He must be removed.

00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:47,655

Oh, are you happy now,

Stan?

00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:48,826

You just got

yourself suspended.

00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:50,578

No, I'm afraid

it's worse than that.

00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:51,666

By county law,

00:11:51,794 --> 00:11:54,628

I'm bound to enforce the

harshest punishment possible.

00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:56,122

Expulsion?

00:11:56,674 --> 00:11:58,631

No, banishment.

00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:00,797

B-banishment?

00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:02,511

You can appeal to

the city council,

00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:04,631

but I don't think

it'll do any good.

00:12:04,766 --> 00:12:07,349

Your son must leave South Park,

never to return.

00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:09,218

Oh, Randy!

00:12:11,272 --> 00:12:13,059

Our son...

banished!

00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:14,432

Where did we go wrong?

00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:20,730

You... you're all

joking, right?

00:12:23,534 --> 00:12:27,323

As it was in the time of our

forefathers, so it is now.

00:12:27,664 --> 00:12:31,408

Stan Marsh, for not following

our most sacred of rites,

00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:34,660

you are hereby banished from

South Park for all eternity.

00:12:34,796 --> 00:12:37,584

Or until you decide that

voting is important.

00:12:37,715 --> 00:12:39,047

Goodbye, Stan.

00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:41,542

May the Gods treat you

more kindly than we did.

00:12:57,151 --> 00:12:58,983

Stan, don't you think this

has gone far enough?

00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,444

Is it really

that big a deal?

00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:02,946

Yeah, just vote.

00:13:03,533 --> 00:13:04,899

For Giant Douche.

00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:07,360

I'm not voting!

00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:13,915

Yo, Puffy, man, we just

gonna let this happen?

00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:15,784

We got to kill this

non-votin' fool!

00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:18,378

No, Chestazious,

just let him go.

00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:21,749

He won't survive a fortnight

in the wilderness.

00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:25,093

This is breaking your

mother's heart, Stan.

00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:26,837

She couldn't even help

tie you to the horse.

00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:28,305

Dad, isn't this

a little extreme?

00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:29,514

Jesus...

00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:30,925

I guess maybe you'll

never understand

00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:33,052

how important voting is.

00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:35,144

Goodbye, son.

00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:37,893

Yah!

00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:52,242

That's one of the hardest

things a parent ever has to do.

00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:10,263

Look, what is that?

00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:12,007

Oh, the poor thing!

00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:13,429

Hello?

00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:14,847

Don't worry,

we'll free you.

00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:17,141

Just sit still

for a moment.

00:14:17,273 --> 00:14:18,309

Oh, thank God.

00:14:18,441 --> 00:14:20,103

Get off of him,

you filthy human!

00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:24,485

Poor thing needs water!

00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:26,279

You're safe now.

00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:29,150

Shame on you, making this

horse your slave!

00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:30,902

Awww!

00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:33,450

Come, you can

live with us.

00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:35,117

We will give you

food and shelter.

00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:36,160

What about me?

00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:37,078

Open the gate!

00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,050

This poor creature's in need

of food and water!

00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:52,264

You have a home

here, friend.

00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:54,725

The "kid"

wants to stay, too.

00:14:54,852 --> 00:14:57,094

I was put on the horse,

I didn't wanna ride it.

00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:59,722

I don't know

if you can stay.

00:14:59,857 --> 00:15:03,021

We'll have to ask

Dr. Cornwallis, come.

00:15:05,196 --> 00:15:06,732

We don't normally

allow outsiders.

00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:10,198

You see, here, we live in

harmony with the animals.

00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:12,989

They're not our pets, but

our fellow living beings.

00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:17,035

We work with the animals,

and try to live as they do.

00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:22,251

We make friends

with the animals.

00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:24,379

We co-exist,

and we intermarry.

00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,124

This is my wife, Janice.

00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:31,049

The outside world looks down

on a man marrying a llama.

00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:33,797

But our love knows

no boundaries.

00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:41,267

Wow, you guys really

love animals.

00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:42,981

And why not?

00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:45,647

Mark here has been with Kelly

for three years now.

00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,144

And Gary and Sally here

00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,863

have just managed to

have a child together.

00:15:50,908 --> 00:15:53,025

Kill me...

00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:56,992

Yes, life here is

good and natural.

00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:58,830

But now that you know

where our compound is,

00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:01,792

you'll have to either live

with us, or be murdered.

00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:02,909

I'll live with you.

00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:04,586

It's not up to you.

00:16:04,714 --> 00:16:06,876

You'll have to talk

with Dr. Cornwallis.

00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:34,699

What did he say?

00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:35,783

He said I can stay.

00:16:35,912 --> 00:16:36,868

Excellent!

00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,953

Dr. Cornwallis is

wise beyond his years.

00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:41,949

Here's your PETA t-shirt

and a bumper sticker.

00:16:48,925 --> 00:16:50,757

This is "Debate 2004,"

00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:52,751

with your host, Jim Lehrer.

00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:55,254

Welcome to the cable access

televised debate

00:16:55,389 --> 00:16:58,132

between a Giant Douche

and a Turd Sandwich.

00:16:58,267 --> 00:16:59,758

We'll start with

Giant Douche.

00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:01,886

Sir, some students and

parents are reluctant

00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:04,388

to have a Giant Douche

represent them.

00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,311

What do you say

to those people?

00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:07,728

Jim, first of all,

I would like to thank you

00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,601

for monitoring

this debate.

00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:11,148

And I would like to thank

00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:12,487

all of the students and

their parents for coming.

00:17:12,615 --> 00:17:14,231

Oh, suck-up,

suck-up!!

00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,609

Shh!

- What, that's an obvious suck-up move.

00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:18,701

But I would hope that those

students and their parents

00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:20,286

who question my qualities

00:17:20,414 --> 00:17:22,451

would simply

look at my opponent.

00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:24,666

He is a Turd Sandwich.

00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:26,459

You're a Turd Sandwich.

00:17:26,587 --> 00:17:28,874

No, sir,

if you'll pardon me,

00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:30,877

you are, in fact,

the Turd Sandwich.

00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:31,839

You're a Turd Sandwich!

00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:34,418

Sir, you are

a Turd Sandwich.

00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:35,886

You're a Turd Sandwich!

00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:37,463

Uh, Turd Sandwich,

00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:39,464

I will ask you not to

speak out of turn.

00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:40,886

I'm sorry, Jim.

00:17:41,018 --> 00:17:42,554

Anyway, as I was saying,

00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:45,555

uh, wait, I forgot

what I was saying.

00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:46,931

Ha, what a douche.

00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,898

Alright, Turd Sandwich,

this next question is for you.

00:17:49,026 --> 00:17:50,892

How should

South Park Elementary

00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:52,481

enforce its laws of conduct

00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:54,445

for young athletes during

sporting events?

00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:00,660

You know,

00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:03,280

my opponent wouldn't even know

the answer to that question.

00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:04,657

If you ask him

the same question,

00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:06,454

he would not answer it.

00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,578

He would stand around and just

babble on and on about nothing,

00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:10,500

until finally, he was

saved by the buzzer--

00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:12,793

Your time is up, turd.

00:18:15,386 --> 00:18:19,346

Stan, I want to introduce you

to my stepdaughter, Theresa.

00:18:20,391 --> 00:18:22,508

She seems to have

taken a liking to you.

00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:24,305

And she's ovulating.

00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:26,766

Uh, no thanks,

that's okay.

00:18:26,897 --> 00:18:29,389

Stan, some PETA members

are growing concerned

00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:31,437

that maybe you don't

love animals.

00:18:31,569 --> 00:18:34,733

I do love animals,

just not like you guys do.

00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:36,947

You don't

belong here, Stan.

00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:39,191

You should return home.

00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:41,114

I can't, I was banished

for not voting.

00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:42,736

But why on Earth wouldn't

you want to vote?

00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:45,080

I think voting is great,

I just didn't care this time,

00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:47,119

because it was between a Giant

Douche and a Turd Sandwich.

00:18:47,251 --> 00:18:48,708

But Stan,

don't you know?

00:18:48,836 --> 00:18:52,671

It's always between a Giant

Douche and a Turd Sandwich.

00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:54,835

Nearly every election,

since the beginning of time,

00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,959

has been between

some douche and some turd.

00:18:57,094 --> 00:18:59,006

They're the only people

who suck up enough

00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,925

to make it

that far in politics.

00:19:01,557 --> 00:19:03,719

I guess...

I guess you're right.

00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:07,219

Yo, what did I say was going to happen to you,

bitch?

00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,103

Ahh!

00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:12,395

Ah! He's wearing

the skin of an animal!

00:19:12,526 --> 00:19:13,357

Take that!

00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:20,733

I hope that teaches you

a lesson about wearing fur.

00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:22,575

Idius, Ronicus?

00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:27,535

Vote or die!

00:19:31,212 --> 00:19:32,544

Protect the animals!

00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:33,583

Protect the animals!

00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:35,376

Ugh-ugh, ugh...

00:19:37,885 --> 00:19:40,218

Janice, we shall die together,

in each other's arms!

00:19:44,767 --> 00:19:46,429

Oh, kill me!

00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:48,472

Kill me!

00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:58,771

M'kay, that's one more vote

for Turd Sandwich.

00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:01,489

So who won, Mr. Mackey?

00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:03,483

It's pretty close,

but it looks like

00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:05,201

Giant Douche

is gonna win!

00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:07,036

Oh, no, no!

00:20:07,164 --> 00:20:09,030

Ha, you lose, fat ass!

00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:10,247

Hey, wait a minute!

00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:11,366

Look!

00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:17,042

Stan!

00:20:17,174 --> 00:20:19,336

Stan, you came back,

does that mean...

00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:22,051

You learned the

importance of voting?

00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:24,091

I learned that I'd better

get used to having to pick

00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:25,509

between a douche

and a Turd Sandwich,

00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:27,052

because it's usually

the choice I'll have.

00:20:27,184 --> 00:20:28,425

He's going to vote!

00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,177

He's going to vote!

- He's going to vote!

00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:32,520

♪ Let's get out

and vote ♪

00:20:32,982 --> 00:20:35,816

♪ Let's make

our voices heard ♪

00:20:35,943 --> 00:20:37,730

♪ We've been given

the right to choose ♪

00:20:37,862 --> 00:20:40,195

♪ between a douche

and a turd ♪

00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:42,609

♪ It's democracy

in action ♪

00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:45,576

♪ Put your freedom

to the test ♪

00:20:45,703 --> 00:20:48,116

♪ A big fat turd

or a stupid douche ♪

00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:50,785

♪ which do you like best ♪

00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:56,708

Stan's vote brings the total

votes for Turd Sandwich to 36!

00:20:56,839 --> 00:21:00,799

And Giant Douche

has 1,410.

00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:02,337

Giant Douche still wins!

00:21:06,682 --> 00:21:07,923

Dude, so my vote didn't

even really matter!

00:21:08,058 --> 00:21:10,220

Hey!

That's not true, Stan.

00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:12,469

You can't judge

the merits of voting

00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:14,312

on whether or not

your candidate won.

00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,272

Your vote still mattered.

00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:17,982

Hey, everybody!

00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:19,476

They just found

all the PETA members

00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:21,148

murdered at

their compound!

00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:24,026

What, they're all dead?

00:21:24,158 --> 00:21:25,649

That means--

00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:28,323

that we can go back to

being the South Park Cows!

00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:33,115

Now your vote

didn't matter.

00:21:33,250 --> 00:21:34,616

♪ Let's get out

and vote ♪

00:21:34,752 --> 00:21:38,336

♪ Let's make

our voices heard ♪

00:21:38,464 --> 00:21:40,547

♪ We've been given

the right to choose ♪

00:21:40,674 --> 00:21:43,382

♪ between a douche

and a turd ♪

00:21:43,511 --> 00:21:45,673

♪ It's democracy

in action ♪

00:21:45,805 --> 00:21:47,637

♪ Put your freedom

to the test ♪

00:21:47,765 --> 00:21:50,929

♪ A big fat turd

or a stupid douche ♪

00:21:51,060 --> 00:21:53,347

♪ which do you like best ♪

00:21:53,479 --> 00:21:55,186

♪ Let's get out

and vote ♪

00:21:55,314 --> 00:21:58,148

♪ put your freedom

to the test ♪

00:21:58,275 --> 00:22:00,608

♪ A big fat turd

or a stupid douche ♪

00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:03,103

♪ which do you like best ♪

00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,503

♪ gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:00:12,638 --> 00:00:14,220

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:15,759

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,891 --> 00:00:16,756

♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:18,303

♪ gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:20,722

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:21,685

♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:23,554

♪ Headin' on up

to South Park ♪

00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:25,556

♪ gonna see

if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:28,730

♪ [muffled] ♪

00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,353

♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:30,489 --> 00:00:32,355

♪ and meet some

friends of mine ♪

00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:36,154

[school bell rings]

00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:38,827

We are South Park,

green and white!

00:00:38,956 --> 00:00:40,163

Let's go Cows--

fight fight fight!

00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:44,159

Nobody can beat a cow,

let's go, South Park!

00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:46,126

Hey, South Park, do you

have school spirit?

00:00:46,255 --> 00:00:48,042

[mooing]

00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:50,290

I think us cows have the best

school spirit, huh, Mandy?

00:00:50,425 --> 00:00:52,337

Yeah, and South Park is

really gonna stick it

00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:53,550

to Littleton

next week.

00:00:53,679 --> 00:00:54,965

So let's bring out

our mascot

00:00:55,097 --> 00:00:56,463

and get this

pep rally going!

00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:59,428

[thumping dance music]

00:00:59,768 --> 00:01:00,804

It's Mooey!

00:01:00,936 --> 00:01:02,302

Mooey, wave to me!

Wave to me, Mooey!

00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:04,053

Butters,

shut the hell up.

00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,682

[angry shouting]

00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:14,364

We are People for the Ethical

Treatment of Animals!

00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:16,323

We protest your

insensitive use

00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:18,317

of cows as your

school mascot!

00:01:18,453 --> 00:01:20,536

Oh, Jesus,

not PETA again.

00:01:20,664 --> 00:01:25,079

Cows are maimed and slaughtered

and used as a commodity!

00:01:27,713 --> 00:01:28,419

[screaming]

00:01:28,714 --> 00:01:29,704

This is the fate

of the cows!

00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:32,753

This is your

insensitivity!

00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:33,416

[kids]

Eww!!

00:01:33,719 --> 00:01:36,302

[sobbing]

00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:38,342

The cow is a slave.

00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:39,680

The cow is

a commodity,

00:01:39,808 --> 00:01:43,222

to be thrown away,

by a society gone wrong!

00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:45,227

[school bell rings]

00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,556

Alright, children,

I have just been informed

00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:50,900

that since our school has been

attacked by eco-terrorists

00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:53,148

for the 47th time,

00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:56,398

we are going to change

our school mascot.

00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:58,320

[all groan]

00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:00,318

But Mr. Garrison,

if we change our mascot,

00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:01,695

that means the

eco-terrorists win.

00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:04,493

That's right, Stanley,

the eco-terrorists win.

00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:07,743

Now, I have here a mascot

selection sheet.

00:02:07,878 --> 00:02:09,710

Every student is supposed

to check the box

00:02:09,838 --> 00:02:12,330

next to the mascot

they like the most.

00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:15,834

And the most popular selection

will be the school's new mascot.

00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,877

But we like

being the cows.

00:02:19,348 --> 00:02:20,680

You're responsible

for the enslavement

00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:22,264

and genocide

of millions!

00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:24,099

Get-get out

of here, PETA!

00:02:24,227 --> 00:02:26,093

We're changin'

the mascot already!

00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:28,016

We speak for those who cannot

speak for themselves!

00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,060

Go on,

get outta here!

00:02:30,192 --> 00:02:32,149

Get-get out!

00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:34,485

Jesus, where do they

keep coming from?

00:02:34,613 --> 00:02:36,195

Go on,

get outta here.

00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:38,402

ThiS is

bull crap, dude!

00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:40,274

Now, children,

it's not that bad.

00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:41,571

There's plenty of

great new mascots

00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:42,784

on the sheet

to choose from.

00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:45,200

The Hurricanes,

the Blizzards,

00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:47,494

the Redskins, the Indians...

00:02:47,626 --> 00:02:49,618

But aren't Indians and

Redskins just as offensive?

00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:50,834

No, those are fine.

00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:52,419

PETA doesn't

care about people.

00:02:53,548 --> 00:02:55,039

God damn it,

vegans piss me off!

00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:56,962

Now, we're gonna end up

with a stupid eagle,

00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:58,710

or a faggot bobcat

as a mascot.

00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:00,552

Wait, you guys!

I have an awesome idea.

00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:01,637

We should

secretly go around

00:03:01,765 --> 00:03:03,301

and tell all

the students we can

00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:05,299

to not check any of the mascots

on the selection sheet,

00:03:05,435 --> 00:03:07,552

and instead, write in:

"Giant Douche."

00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:08,553

Yeah!

00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:09,645

Yeah, that'll

be awesome!

00:03:09,773 --> 00:03:10,559

Hey, no, wait, wait!

00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,057

I got a better idea,

you guys.

00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,650

What we should do, is we

should secretly go around

00:03:14,778 --> 00:03:15,564

and tell all

the students we can

00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,904

to not check any of the mascots

on the selection sheet,

00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,148

and instead, write in:

"Turd Sandwich."

00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:22,275

[laughing]

00:03:22,411 --> 00:03:24,198

Turd Sandwich isn't better

than Giant Douche.

00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:26,241

It's only about 1,000 times

better, am I right, guys?

00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:27,739

Come on, we have to

tell everybody fast,

00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:29,240

it's gonna be so funny!

00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:30,162

It was my idea, and

we're gonna tell everyone

00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:31,249

to write in

Giant Douche!

00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:33,415

It's way funnier!

- It is not!

00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,288

Kenny, what's funnier, giant

douche or a Turd Sandwich?

00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:36,039

Giant Douche.

00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:37,130

Ah, you're just

saying that

00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:39,125

because I broke your

cat's leg last week!

00:03:39,261 --> 00:03:41,002

Stan, do you pick Giant Douche

or Turd Sandwich?

00:03:41,138 --> 00:03:42,504

Dude, I really

don't care.

00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:44,638

That's 2 against 1,

if Stan doesn't care.

00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:45,677

So it's Giant Douche.

00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:47,425

Wait, wait,

what about Butters?

00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:48,722

Huh?

You hate Butters!

00:03:48,854 --> 00:03:50,436

God damn it, you guys,

Butters is our friend!

00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:51,896

And he should be allowed

to have his opinion!

00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,222

Butters, which is funnier?

00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:54,690

A stupid, not funny

Giant Douche

00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:56,354

or a super funny

Turd Sandwich?

00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:57,602

Ha ha, Turd Sandwich!

00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:58,899

You misled him,

fat ass!

00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,104

It's the best choice,

00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,822

and me and Butters

are sticking with it.

00:04:02,117 --> 00:04:02,527

Yeah!

00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:04,195

What's this for?

00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:05,443

Jimmy, we're gonna have

everyone write in a mascot

00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:06,786

that's really funny,

00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,245

and you have to tell us which

one would be funnier.

00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:09,705

That's a fantastic

idea, fellas.

00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:12,541

The key to successful humor

is s-staying power.

00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:13,830

Tell me the first

mascot idea.

00:04:14,212 --> 00:04:15,293

A Giant Douche.

00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:17,292

[chuckles]

Okay, that's pretty funny.

00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:18,414

Now, what's the second?

00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:20,166

A Turd Sandwich.

00:04:20,302 --> 00:04:22,259

[chuckles]

Okay, okay, now, let's wait 10 seconds.

00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:30,680

Okay, now tell me

the first one again?

00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:32,144

Giant Douche.

00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,729

And the second?

00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:35,314

Turd Sandwich.

00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:38,310

Jeez, they're both

screamingly funny, fellas.

00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:41,108

Better give it

another 10 seconds.

00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:46,864

Alright, now we'll see which

one really has staying power.

00:04:47,162 --> 00:04:47,902

Number one?

00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:49,537

A Giant Douche.

00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:50,780

Okay, I think

that's it.

00:04:50,916 --> 00:04:51,906

Number two?

00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:53,325

Turd Sandwich.

00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:55,201

Jeez, I don't know what

to tell you, fellas.

00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:56,453

They're both

instant classics.

00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:58,329

But I guess I'll have to

go with Giant Douche,

00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,673

simply because the fact that it

is a giant renders it useless,

00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,292

adding a parody slant

to the satire.

00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:03,588

Aggh!

00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:04,836

Aw, we lost?

00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:06,094

Alright, it's decided.

00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:07,555

Let's all write in

"Giant Douche".

00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:09,514

Okay, you win, Kyle.

00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:14,186

Attention students,

00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,180

we have tallied your

mascot nomination sheets,

00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,683

and there will now be

a school-wide vote

00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:20,731

between the top two

nominations.

00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:24,230

So, here's the first

most requested candidate:

00:05:24,366 --> 00:05:26,779

a Giant Douche.

00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:27,821

♪ Y'all ready for this ♪

00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:30,369

[dance music]

00:05:32,874 --> 00:05:33,864

Go, Giant Douche!

00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,375

Hey, South Park!

00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:37,869

Have we got

school spirit?

00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:40,333

[sparse clapping]

00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:41,876

We've got spirit,

yes, we do!

00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:43,840

Giant Douches,

me and you!

00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,339

Let's goooo...

Douches!

00:05:48,265 --> 00:05:49,631

[clapping]

00:05:52,561 --> 00:05:56,396

And now, your second

nominee, Turd Sandwich.

00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:58,139

♪ Who let the dogs out? ♪

00:05:58,275 --> 00:06:00,107

♪ Who, who, who,

who, who ♪

00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:02,067

♪ Who let

the dogs out?... ♪

00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:03,652

Alright,

Turd Sandwich!

00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:05,191

Cartman--

what the hell?

00:06:05,323 --> 00:06:06,404

Giant Douche sucks!

00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,741

We've got spirit,

yes we do!

00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:11,486

We are sandwiches

filled with poo, yeah!

00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:13,738

[sparse clapping]

00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,831

Students can now

cast their choice

00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:19,168

between the Giant Douche

and the Turd Sandwich.

00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:21,162

We'll count up

the votes on Tuesday.

00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:23,164

You won't get more votes

than us, asshole!

00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:24,757

Game on, Jew-boy!

00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:27,593

Yeah, game on,

Jew-boy!

00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,132

[school bell rings]

00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:30,254

Be sure to vote for

Giant Douche!

00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:31,847

Giant Douche,

he's the best!

00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:33,474

Giant Douche

is your man!

00:06:33,602 --> 00:06:35,685

Kyle, aren't you taking this

a little too far?

00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:36,848

I mean, do we really want

a Giant Douche

00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:38,096

to be our school mascot?

00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:39,312

Dude, I am not going

to lose to Cartman's

00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:40,648

stupid Turd Sandwich.

00:06:40,775 --> 00:06:43,108

[patriotic electronic flute

playing]

00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,102

Vote for Turd Sandwich!

00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,446

This is the most important

election of your lives.

00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,611

Turd Sandwich brings

the hope for change!

00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:52,702

A vote for Turd Sandwich

is a vote for tomorrow.

00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,695

There, you really want

that asshole to win?

00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:55,787

I'm not voting.

00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:56,781

What?!

00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,283

You gotta vote, dude.

00:06:58,418 --> 00:06:59,625

Haven't you seen the

"Rock the Vote" stuff,

00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,085

or Puff Daddy's

"Vote or Die"?

00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:04,296

I just think this

whole thing is stupid.

00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,256

Kenny, we have got to

make Stan understand

00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:07,716

the importance of voting.

00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:09,460

Because he'll definitely

vote for our guy.

00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:10,461

Yeah!

00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:13,639

How was school

today, Stanley?

00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,133

It was ridiculous.

00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,133

We have to have

a new school mascot,

00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:17,476

and we're supposed to vote

00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:18,845

between a Giant Douche

and a Turd Sandwich.

00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:22,060

What did you say?

00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:25,356

Did you just say that

voting is ridiculous?

00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:26,773

No, I think

voting is great,

00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:28,771

but if I have to choose

between a douche and a turd,

00:07:28,907 --> 00:07:30,239

I just don't

see the point.

00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:31,653

You don't

see the point!

00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,367

Oh, you young people

just make me sick!

00:07:33,495 --> 00:07:34,861

Stanley, do you know

how many people died

00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:36,529

so you could have

the right to vote?

00:07:36,665 --> 00:07:38,122

Mom, I just don't think there's

much of a difference

00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:39,160

between a douche

and a turd.

00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,328

I don't care.

00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:41,746

You don't care!!

00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:44,165

You really want a Turd Sandwich

as your school mascot!

00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:46,254

On your football helmets--

a turd!

00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:47,669

Well, hold on, Randy.

00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:49,292

I think a Turd Sandwich

is a little better

00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:51,293

than them having a giant

douche on their uniforms.

00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:52,169

You're crazy!

00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:53,671

A douche is

at least clean.

00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:55,264

It's sexist,

is what it is!

00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:57,304

You don't understand

the issues, Sharon!

00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:58,516

Are you calling me

ignorant?

00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:01,183

If you think the school mascot

should be a Turd Sandwich,

00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:02,350

you're not

exactly Einstein!

00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,018

I am sick of you

belittling my opinion,

00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:05,357

you son of a bitch!

00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:06,441

[glass shatters]

00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:09,403

I hate this family,

I hate it!

00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:11,147

[doorbell rings]

00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:18,078

Puff Daddy?

00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:19,413

Your friend Kyle told me

00:08:19,541 --> 00:08:21,954

you don't understand

the importance of voting.

00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:23,326

I--

00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:25,953

apparently you haven't heard

of my Vote or Die campaign.

00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,964

Vote or Die, what the hell

does that even mean?

00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:32,301

What you think

it means, bitch?!

00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:33,502

Ahhhh!!

00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:38,345

♪ Vote or die, motherfucker

motherfucker, vote or die! ♪

00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:39,307

♪ Rock the vote ♪

00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:40,677

♪ or else I'm gonna stick

a knife through your eye ♪

00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:43,224

♪ Democracy is founded

on one simple rule ♪

00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:44,346

♪ Get out there and vote,

00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:46,269

or I will motherfucking

kill you ♪

00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:48,229

Yeah.

00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,523

♪ I like it when you

vote bitch [bitch] ♪

00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:52,237

♪ Shake them titties when you

vote, bitch [bitch] ♪

00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:55,278

♪ I'll slam my Jimmy through

your mouth roof, mouth roof ♪

00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:57,823

♪ Now get your big ass

in the polling booth ♪

00:08:58,163 --> 00:09:01,952

♪ I said, vote, bitch

or I'll fucking kill you ♪

00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:05,618

♪ Vote or die, motherfucker

motherfucker, vote or die! ♪

00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:08,121

♪ You can't run from a.38

go ahead and try ♪

00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:10,589

♪ Let your opinion be heard

you gotta make a choice ♪

00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:12,424

♪ 'Cause after

I slit your throat ♪

00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:13,918

♪ you won't have

a fuckin' voice ♪

00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:18,305

♪ Vote or die ♪

Vote or die!

00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:22,142

Okay, I'll vote.

00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:30,442

Hello, Clyde!

00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:31,981

What do you guys want?

00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:33,979

We were just wondering who

you might be voting for,

00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:34,821

for the new

school mascot.

00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:36,110

I haven't decided yet.

00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,074

Oh, really?

Well, that's interesting.

00:09:38,203 --> 00:09:39,535

You certainly should

think about it

00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:42,405

and make the right

decision.

00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:45,332

Butterscotch candy?

00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:47,417

Sure.

00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,329

Clyde, are you aware

of what Turd Sandwich

00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:51,876

can bring to our school?

00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:53,044

Turd Sandwich is not only

00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:55,338

the first turd to be

nominated school mascot,

00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:56,631

but even the first sandwich.

00:09:58,556 --> 00:10:00,889

You see, what Turd Sandwich

brings to our school, Clyde,

00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:02,383

is a complete package--

00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:03,305

The turd,

and the bread,

00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:04,802

and the lettuce,

and the olive.

00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:09,314

Whereas Giant Douche

is just, well,

00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,149

just a Giant Douche.

00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:13,978

So, come voting day,

you'll now most likely

00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,696

vote for the

Turd Sandwich, yes?

00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:20,276

I'm still not

totally sure.

00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:23,904

Well, then perhaps we

could interest you in...

00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,123

Another

butterscotch candy?

00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:34,586

You're doing the

right thing, Stan.

00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:35,924

Don't you feel like you're

a part of something now?

00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:37,509

I guess.

00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:40,129

[gun cocks]

00:10:40,431 --> 00:10:41,672

Look, it may not

seem important now,

00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,470

but your vote

really does count.

00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:44,808

And we all have to

do our part.

00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:45,596

Okay.

00:10:45,728 --> 00:10:48,596

Whoa, wait,

what are you doing?

00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:49,847

I'm voting.

00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:51,940

No, you wrote down

Turd Sandwich.

00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:55,186

Yeah, I know.

00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,445

Dude, you're supposed to

vote for Giant Douche.

00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:59,031

I thought I was supposed to

make my own decision.

00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:01,151

Well, yeah, but not if your

decision is for Turd Sandwich!

00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:02,527

What the hell

is wrong with you?!

00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:03,573

Wait a minute, you didn't

want me to vote!

00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:04,946

You wanted me to

vote for your guy!

00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:06,447

Well, I just figured

you'd vote for my guy!

00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:07,619

Whose fucking

friend are you?!

00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:08,615

Puffy!

00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:09,912

Hey, fuck off, Kyle!

00:11:10,044 --> 00:11:10,955

Don't let them

intimidate you, Stan.

00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:11,952

I'll help walk you

to the booth.

00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:13,579

And then I'm gonna buy you

a nice steak dinner

00:11:13,715 --> 00:11:14,671

with all the trimmings.

00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:15,835

Oh, forget it!

00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:17,083

I'm not gonna be

persuaded into voting,

00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:18,668

and I'm not gonna be

threatened into voting

00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:20,339

if I don't feel

comfortable with it!

00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:22,258

I'm not gonna vote, and you

all can just live with it!

00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:27,469

We've simply had it with your

son, Mr. and Mrs. Marsh!

00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:29,391

Voting just doesn't appear

to be important to him.

00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:32,105

Stanley, when you left

for school this morning,

00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:33,269

you said you were

going to vote!

00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:34,733

The whole thing

is a joke!

00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:36,352

You see?

He's out of control!

00:11:36,487 --> 00:11:39,571

It's nearly torn our

whole family apart.

00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,190

Well, my hands are tied.

00:11:41,326 --> 00:11:42,487

We can no longer

have Stan's behavior

00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:44,360

jeopardizing the

other children.

00:11:44,495 --> 00:11:45,861

He must be removed.

00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:47,655

Oh, are you happy now,

Stan?

00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:48,826

You just got

yourself suspended.

00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:50,578

No, I'm afraid

it's worse than that.

00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:51,666

By county law,

00:11:51,794 --> 00:11:54,628

I'm bound to enforce the

harshest punishment possible.

00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:56,122

Expulsion?

00:11:56,674 --> 00:11:58,631

No, banishment.

00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:00,797

B-banishment?

00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:02,511

You can appeal to

the city council,

00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:04,631

but I don't think

it'll do any good.

00:12:04,766 --> 00:12:07,349

Your son must leave South Park,

never to return.

00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:09,218

Oh, Randy!

00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:11,141

[sobbing]

00:12:11,272 --> 00:12:13,059

Our son...

banished!

00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:14,432

Where did we go wrong?

00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:18,231

[sobbing]

00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:20,730

You... you're all

joking, right?

00:12:23,534 --> 00:12:27,323

As it was in the time of our

forefathers, so it is now.

00:12:27,664 --> 00:12:31,408

Stan Marsh, for not following

our most sacred of rites,

00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:34,660

you are hereby banished from

South Park for all eternity.

00:12:34,796 --> 00:12:37,584

Or until you decide that

voting is important.

00:12:37,715 --> 00:12:39,047

Goodbye, Stan.

00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:41,542

May the Gods treat you

more kindly than we did.

00:12:57,151 --> 00:12:58,983

Stan, don't you think this

has gone far enough?

00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,444

Is it really

that big a deal?

00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:02,946

Yeah, just vote.

00:13:03,533 --> 00:13:04,899

For Giant Douche.

00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:07,360

I'm not voting!

00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:13,915

Yo, Puffy, man, we just

gonna let this happen?

00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:15,784

We got to kill this

non-votin' fool!

00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:18,378

No, Chestazious,

just let him go.

00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:21,749

He won't survive a fortnight

in the wilderness.

00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:25,093

This is breaking your

mother's heart, Stan.

00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:26,837

She couldn't even help

tie you to the horse.

00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:28,305

Dad, isn't this

a little extreme?

00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:29,514

Jesus...

00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:30,925

I guess maybe you'll

never understand

00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:33,052

how important voting is.

00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:35,144

Goodbye, son.

00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:37,893

[slap]

Yah!

00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:47,324

[horn sounds]

00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:52,242

That's one of the hardest

things a parent ever has to do.

00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:10,263

[man]

Look, what is that?

00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:12,007

[woman]

Oh, the poor thing!

00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:13,429

[Stan]

Hello?

00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:14,847

Don't worry,

we'll free you.

00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:17,141

Just sit still

for a moment.

00:14:17,273 --> 00:14:18,309

Oh, thank God.

00:14:18,441 --> 00:14:20,103

Get off of him,

you filthy human!

00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:24,485

Poor thing needs water!

00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:26,279

You're safe now.

00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:29,150

Shame on you, making this

horse your slave!

00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:30,902

Awww!

00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:33,450

Come, you can

live with us.

00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:35,117

We will give you

food and shelter.

00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:36,160

What about me?

00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:37,078

Open the gate!

00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,050

This poor creature's in need

of food and water!

00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:52,264

You have a home

here, friend.

00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:54,725

The "kid"

wants to stay, too.

00:14:54,852 --> 00:14:57,094

I was put on the horse,

I didn't wanna ride it.

00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:59,722

I don't know

if you can stay.

00:14:59,857 --> 00:15:03,021

We'll have to ask

Dr. Cornwallis, come.

00:15:05,196 --> 00:15:06,732

We don't normally

allow outsiders.

00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:10,198

You see, here, we live in

harmony with the animals.

00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:12,989

They're not our pets, but

our fellow living beings.

00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:17,035

We work with the animals,

and try to live as they do.

00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:22,251

We make friends

with the animals.

00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:24,379

We co-exist,

and we intermarry.

00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,124

This is my wife, Janice.

00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:31,049

The outside world looks down

on a man marrying a llama.

00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:33,797

But our love knows

no boundaries.

00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:41,267

Wow, you guys really

love animals.

00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:42,981

And why not?

00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:45,647

Mark here has been with Kelly

for three years now.

00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,144

And Gary and Sally here

00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,863

have just managed to

have a child together.

00:15:50,908 --> 00:15:53,025

Kill me...

00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:56,992

Yes, life here is

good and natural.

00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:58,830

But now that you know

where our compound is,

00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:01,792

you'll have to either live

with us, or be murdered.

00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:02,909

I'll live with you.

00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:04,586

It's not up to you.

00:16:04,714 --> 00:16:06,876

You'll have to talk

with Dr. Cornwallis.

00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:14,463

[munching]

00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:34,699

What did he say?

00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:35,783

He said I can stay.

00:16:35,912 --> 00:16:36,868

Excellent!

00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,953

Dr. Cornwallis is

wise beyond his years.

00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:41,949

Here's your PETA t-shirt

and a bumper sticker.

00:16:48,925 --> 00:16:50,757

[TV announcer]

This is "Debate 2004,"

00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:52,751

with your host, Jim Lehrer.

00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:55,254

Welcome to the cable access

televised debate

00:16:55,389 --> 00:16:58,132

between a Giant Douche

and a Turd Sandwich.

00:16:58,267 --> 00:16:59,758

We'll start with

Giant Douche.

00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:01,886

Sir, some students and

parents are reluctant

00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:04,388

to have a Giant Douche

represent them.

00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,311

What do you say

to those people?

00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:07,728

Jim, first of all,

I would like to thank you

00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,601

for monitoring

this debate.

00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:11,148

And I would like to thank

00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:12,487

all of the students and

their parents for coming.

00:17:12,615 --> 00:17:14,231

Oh, suck-up,

suck-up!!

00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,609

Shh!

- What, that's an obvious suck-up move.

00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:18,701

But I would hope that those

students and their parents

00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:20,286

who question my qualities

00:17:20,414 --> 00:17:22,451

would simply

look at my opponent.

00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:24,666

He is a Turd Sandwich.

00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:26,459

You're a Turd Sandwich.

00:17:26,587 --> 00:17:28,874

No, sir,

if you'll pardon me,

00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:30,877

you are, in fact,

the Turd Sandwich.

00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:31,839

You're a Turd Sandwich!

00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:34,418

Sir, you are

a Turd Sandwich.

00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:35,886

You're a Turd Sandwich!

00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:37,463

Uh, Turd Sandwich,

00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:39,464

I will ask you not to

speak out of turn.

00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:40,886

I'm sorry, Jim.

00:17:41,018 --> 00:17:42,554

Anyway, as I was saying,

00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:45,555

uh, wait, I forgot

what I was saying.

00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:46,931

Ha, what a douche.

00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,898

Alright, Turd Sandwich,

this next question is for you.

00:17:49,026 --> 00:17:50,892

How should

South Park Elementary

00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:52,481

enforce its laws of conduct

00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:54,445

for young athletes during

sporting events?

00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:00,660

You know,

00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:03,280

my opponent wouldn't even know

the answer to that question.

00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:04,657

If you ask him

the same question,

00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:06,454

he would not answer it.

00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,578

He would stand around and just

babble on and on about nothing,

00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:10,500

until finally, he was

saved by the buzzer--

00:18:10,631 --> 00:18:11,496

[buzzer]

00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:12,793

Your time is up, turd.

00:18:15,386 --> 00:18:19,346

Stan, I want to introduce you

to my stepdaughter, Theresa.

00:18:20,391 --> 00:18:22,508

She seems to have

taken a liking to you.

00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:24,305

And she's ovulating.

00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:26,766

Uh, no thanks,

that's okay.

00:18:26,897 --> 00:18:29,389

Stan, some PETA members

are growing concerned

00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:31,437

that maybe you don't

love animals.

00:18:31,569 --> 00:18:34,733

I do love animals,

just not like you guys do.

00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:36,947

You don't

belong here, Stan.

00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:39,191

You should return home.

00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:41,114

I can't, I was banished

for not voting.

00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:42,736

But why on Earth wouldn't

you want to vote?

00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:45,080

I think voting is great,

I just didn't care this time,

00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:47,119

because it was between a Giant

Douche and a Turd Sandwich.

00:18:47,251 --> 00:18:48,708

But Stan,

don't you know?

00:18:48,836 --> 00:18:52,671

It's always between a Giant

Douche and a Turd Sandwich.

00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:54,835

Nearly every election,

since the beginning of time,

00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,959

has been between

some douche and some turd.

00:18:57,094 --> 00:18:59,006

They're the only people

who suck up enough

00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,925

to make it

that far in politics.

00:19:01,557 --> 00:19:03,719

I guess...

I guess you're right.

00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:07,219

Yo, what did I say was going to happen to you,

bitch?

00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,103

Ahh!

00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:12,395

Ah! He's wearing

the skin of an animal!

00:19:12,526 --> 00:19:13,357

Take that!

00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:20,733

I hope that teaches you

a lesson about wearing fur.

00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:22,575

Idius, Ronicus?

00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:24,569

[gunfire]

00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:27,535

Vote or die!

00:19:31,212 --> 00:19:32,544

Protect the animals!

00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:33,583

Protect the animals!

00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:35,376

Ugh-ugh, ugh...

00:19:37,885 --> 00:19:40,218

Janice, we shall die together,

in each other's arms!

00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:41,507

[gunshots]

00:19:44,767 --> 00:19:46,429

Oh, kill me!

00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:48,472

Kill me!

00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:58,771

M'kay, that's one more vote

for Turd Sandwich.

00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:01,489

So who won, Mr. Mackey?

00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:03,483

It's pretty close,

but it looks like

00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:05,201

Giant Douche

is gonna win!

00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:07,036

Oh, no, no!

00:20:07,164 --> 00:20:09,030

Ha, you lose, fat ass!

00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:10,247

Hey, wait a minute!

00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:11,366

Look!

00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:17,042

Stan!

00:20:17,174 --> 00:20:19,336

Stan, you came back,

does that mean...

00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:22,051

You learned the

importance of voting?

00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:24,091

I learned that I'd better

get used to having to pick

00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:25,509

between a douche

and a Turd Sandwich,

00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:27,052

because it's usually

the choice I'll have.

00:20:27,184 --> 00:20:28,425

He's going to vote!

00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,177

He's going to vote!

- He's going to vote!

00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:32,520

♪ Let's get out

and vote ♪

00:20:32,982 --> 00:20:35,816

♪ Let's make

our voices heard ♪

00:20:35,943 --> 00:20:37,730

♪ We've been given

the right to choose ♪

00:20:37,862 --> 00:20:40,195

♪ between a douche

and a turd ♪

00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:42,609

♪ It's democracy

in action ♪

00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:45,576

♪ Put your freedom

to the test ♪

00:20:45,703 --> 00:20:48,116

♪ A big fat turd

or a stupid douche ♪

00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:50,785

♪ which do you like best ♪

00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:56,708

Stan's vote brings the total

votes for Turd Sandwich to 36!

00:20:56,839 --> 00:21:00,799

And Giant Douche

has 1,410.

00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:02,337

Giant Douche still wins!

00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:04,131

[cheering]

00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:06,554

[groaning]

00:21:06,682 --> 00:21:07,923

Dude, so my vote didn't

even really matter!

00:21:08,058 --> 00:21:10,220

Hey!

That's not true, Stan.

00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:12,469

You can't judge

the merits of voting

00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:14,312

on whether or not

your candidate won.

00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,272

Your vote still mattered.

00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:17,982

Hey, everybody!

00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:19,476

They just found

all the PETA members

00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:21,148

murdered at

their compound!

00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:22,361

[gasping]

00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:24,026

What, they're all dead?

00:21:24,158 --> 00:21:25,649

That means--

00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:28,323

that we can go back to

being the South Park Cows!

00:21:28,454 --> 00:21:30,992

[cheering]

00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:33,115

Now your vote

didn't matter.

00:21:33,250 --> 00:21:34,616

♪ Let's get out

and vote ♪

00:21:34,752 --> 00:21:38,336

♪ Let's make

our voices heard ♪

00:21:38,464 --> 00:21:40,547

♪ We've been given

the right to choose ♪

00:21:40,674 --> 00:21:43,382

♪ between a douche

and a turd ♪

00:21:43,511 --> 00:21:45,673

♪ It's democracy

in action ♪

00:21:45,805 --> 00:21:47,637

♪ Put your freedom

to the test ♪

00:21:47,765 --> 00:21:50,929

♪ A big fat turd

or a stupid douche ♪

00:21:51,060 --> 00:21:53,347

♪ which do you like best ♪

00:21:53,479 --> 00:21:55,186

♪ Let's get out

and vote ♪

00:21:55,314 --> 00:21:58,148

♪ put your freedom

to the test ♪

00:21:58,275 --> 00:22:00,608

♪ A big fat turd

or a stupid douche ♪

00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:03,103

♪ which do you like best ♪