Goobacks — Горожане в ярости, так как город заполонили пришельцы из будущего, готовые работать за копейки — ведь в 3045 году наступит тотальная безработица.

Предыдущая серия S08 E06 Джефферсоны

Следующая серия S08 E08 Клизма и дерьмо

Goobacks

Goobacks

Сезон: 08Серия: 07

Описание

Горожане в ярости, так как город заполонили пришельцы из будущего, готовые работать за копейки — ведь в 3045 году наступит тотальная безработица.

Субтитры

00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:12,388 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:14,015 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:14,140 --> 00:00:15,599 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:18,853 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:18,978 --> 00:00:20,521 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,646 --> 00:00:22,398 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:25,401 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:28,904 Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:33,242 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:18,621 G'rlkr.
00:01:25,211 --> 00:01:26,796 B'rk!
00:01:26,921 --> 00:01:28,255 Aah!
00:01:35,805 --> 00:01:37,473 G'rk!
00:01:41,102 --> 00:01:42,019 Yes?
00:01:42,144 --> 00:01:43,854 Hello, ma'am.
00:01:43,979 --> 00:01:46,774 We're going around town and offering snow-shoveling service.
00:01:46,899 --> 00:01:48,984 Would you like your driveway and sidewalk shoveled
00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:50,861 for $8,000?
00:01:50,986 --> 00:01:53,197 Oh. Well, I certainly could use some little snow shovelers.
00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:55,366 But $8,000 seems a little steep.
00:01:55,491 --> 00:01:57,076 How about $10?
00:01:57,201 --> 00:01:58,369 Ooh. Ouch. Ma'am, please.
00:01:58,494 --> 00:02:00,246 Let go of that tight grip you have on my balls.
00:02:00,371 --> 00:02:02,123 $10. You're breaking my balls, ma'am.
00:02:02,248 --> 00:02:04,375 - How about $15? - It's a deal.
00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:06,669 All right, guys. Let's get to work!
00:02:11,507 --> 00:02:13,050 Yeah. Yeah. It was totally awesome.
00:02:13,175 --> 00:02:14,885 Craig crapped his pants when he saw it.
00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:16,262 Yeah. Sweet.
00:02:16,387 --> 00:02:18,389 So, what's going on over there?
00:02:18,514 --> 00:02:20,474 Yeah. That's pretty cool.
00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:22,560 No way! He did not!
00:02:22,685 --> 00:02:25,437 Aw, dude, that is so weak.
00:02:25,563 --> 00:02:26,605 What?
00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:28,524 You've been on your fucking phone since we started.
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:29,733 Dude, I'm taking a break.
00:02:29,859 --> 00:02:31,527 A break from what?! You haven't done anything!
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,487 Kyle, how many times do we have to go through this?
00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:34,572 I'm the negotiator.
00:02:34,697 --> 00:02:36,240 I negotiate our price with the customers.
00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:38,117 All you ever do is talk about your balls!
00:02:38,242 --> 00:02:39,160 It works, doesn't it?
00:02:39,285 --> 00:02:40,744 Did I not just get us an extra five bucks?
00:02:40,870 --> 00:02:42,121 If you want your share of the money,
00:02:42,246 --> 00:02:43,998 then you're gonna shovel snow like the rest of us!
00:02:44,123 --> 00:02:46,167 Hey, don't boss me around, you fucking Jew!
00:02:46,292 --> 00:02:47,877 I will kick your ass!
00:02:52,548 --> 00:02:54,842 Ma'am, do you have a rag and some bandages?
00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:56,635 Oh, goodness. What happened?
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:58,345 Shoveling accident.
00:02:58,470 --> 00:03:00,514 Oh, no. Come on inside.
00:03:02,183 --> 00:03:04,435 Wait right here. I'll be right back.
00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:07,188 You're so lucky I have a sore shoulder, Kyle,
00:03:07,313 --> 00:03:08,689 or else I would have let you have it.
00:03:08,814 --> 00:03:10,357 Cartman, just keep your mouth shut.
00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:11,734 This is breaking news.
00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:13,360 Here's anchorman Aaron Brown.
00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:15,988 Incredible, absolutely amazing news today.
00:03:16,113 --> 00:03:18,908 A man from the future has come back in time
00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:22,036 and is in a government hospital after being hit by a car.
00:03:22,161 --> 00:03:23,579 Whoa.
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,539 Kristina Nalen has more.
00:03:25,664 --> 00:03:26,916 The news is incredible, Aaron.
00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:28,334 Experts and scientists have been
00:03:28,459 --> 00:03:30,419 with the man from the future for several hours now
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:33,547 and have been able to learn that he is from the year 3045.
00:03:33,672 --> 00:03:34,798 His condition is stable,
00:03:34,924 --> 00:03:37,301 and speculation continues as to why he has come.
00:03:37,426 --> 00:03:39,428 Has he come to deliver a cure for cancer
00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:41,555 or to fix something wrong with the past?
00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:43,224 Have to interrupt you there, Kristina.
00:03:43,349 --> 00:03:44,975 Apparently Brad Morgan is inside the base
00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:46,310 with breaking news -- Brad?
00:03:46,435 --> 00:03:48,938 Aaron, the scientists have been able to communicate further
00:03:49,063 --> 00:03:50,064 and have uncovered
00:03:50,189 --> 00:03:52,066 that the man from 1,000 years in the future
00:03:52,191 --> 00:03:54,652 has come to our time looking for work.
00:03:54,777 --> 00:03:56,237 He has said that the future
00:03:56,362 --> 00:03:58,113 is so overwhelmingly overpopulated
00:03:58,239 --> 00:04:00,407 that there are simply no jobs in his time,
00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:01,867 and so he built a time portal
00:04:01,992 --> 00:04:04,078 and has come back to 21st-century America
00:04:04,203 --> 00:04:05,120 to find a job here.
00:04:05,246 --> 00:04:06,664 That is absolutely astounding.
00:04:06,789 --> 00:04:07,957 He came back here for work?
00:04:08,082 --> 00:04:09,625 Uh, that's right, Aaron.
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,919 His plan is to get a job here in our time
00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:13,921 so that he can put the money he earns
00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:16,423 into a savings account, which will earn interest,
00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:19,551 and by the year 3045 be worth billions of dollars --
00:04:19,677 --> 00:04:21,053 which, of course, in the future
00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:22,930 will be worth only hundreds of dollars,
00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:24,848 but enough, he says, to feed his family.
00:04:24,974 --> 00:04:26,100 And now I understand
00:04:26,225 --> 00:04:28,060 we're going to Harrison Moore for an explanation
00:04:28,185 --> 00:04:29,728 on how the time portal works -- Harrison?
00:04:29,853 --> 00:04:32,147 Aaron, I am standing at the time portal
00:04:32,273 --> 00:04:35,234 which scientists say follows "Terminator" rules --
00:04:35,359 --> 00:04:37,778 That is, it's one-way only, and you can't go back.
00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:40,948 This is in contrast to, say, "Back to the Future" rules,
00:04:41,073 --> 00:04:42,616 where back and forth is possible,
00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:44,285 and of course, "Timerider" rules,
00:04:44,410 --> 00:04:45,703 which are just plain silly.
00:04:45,828 --> 00:04:47,955 Anyway, it appears that the man from the future
00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:49,415 is here to stay.
00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:52,584 Mom! Dad! Did you see?
00:04:52,710 --> 00:04:54,169 They found a man from the future!
00:04:54,295 --> 00:04:55,963 We know, Stanley. We've been watching.
00:04:56,088 --> 00:04:58,173 If you're just joining us,
00:04:58,299 --> 00:05:00,050 a man from over 2,000 years into the future
00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:02,428 has come through a one-way time portal looking for work.
00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:03,804 Uh, the president is expected
00:05:03,929 --> 00:05:05,431 to give an announcement at any time.
00:05:05,556 --> 00:05:07,391 Breaking news here at the time portal, Aaron.
00:05:07,516 --> 00:05:11,020 It appears another person from the future has just arrived!
00:05:11,145 --> 00:05:12,730 It looks as if the job at Wendy's
00:05:12,855 --> 00:05:14,523 did work for the original immigrant.
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,650 This second arrivee claims that man's family
00:05:16,775 --> 00:05:17,818 is now much better off
00:05:17,943 --> 00:05:19,862 and wishes the same for his family.
00:05:22,781 --> 00:05:24,992 There you go. All set, sweetie?
00:05:25,117 --> 00:05:27,328 Mom, can we go try to see the people from the future?
00:05:27,453 --> 00:05:29,496 I have a bunch of questions I want to ask them.
00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:31,123 I'm sure a lot of people do, hon.
00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:32,666 It's pretty exciting, isn't it?
00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:35,002 Now, you just get some sleep. You've had a busy day.
00:05:35,127 --> 00:05:36,712 Good night, sweetie.
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:39,423 Night, Mom.
00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:41,842 Wow. Two people from the future.
00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:43,761 How cool.
00:05:57,816 --> 00:05:59,818 G'lr.
00:05:59,943 --> 00:06:01,528 G'gr g'rhr.
00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,031 G'lr. Gr.
00:06:16,502 --> 00:06:18,379 - Yes? - Hello, Mrs. Landis.
00:06:18,504 --> 00:06:20,255 Would you like snow-shoveling service again today?
00:06:20,381 --> 00:06:21,673 Ooh. Oh, dear.
00:06:21,799 --> 00:06:22,883 I'm sorry, boys,
00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:24,927 but I've already hired someone else to do it.
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:26,220 What?! Who?!
00:06:26,345 --> 00:06:27,888 One of those immigrants from the future.
00:06:28,013 --> 00:06:29,890 He said he would do it for 25 cents.
00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:32,726 25 cents? But that's not even worth it!
00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:35,479 All right, guys. Come on. We'll just go to the next house.
00:06:36,522 --> 00:06:37,648 Dude.
00:06:42,403 --> 00:06:44,530 Son of a bitch.
00:06:44,655 --> 00:06:46,323 Still more immigrants from the future
00:06:46,448 --> 00:06:47,908 arrived at the time border today,
00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:49,910 some even bringing their entire families.
00:06:50,035 --> 00:06:52,079 The purplish goo that they have on their bodies
00:06:52,204 --> 00:06:54,206 when they arrive is an ectoplasmic side effect
00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:55,582 of the time-travel process.
00:06:55,707 --> 00:06:57,835 This is all giving scientists a great opportunity
00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,254 to learn even more about American life in the future.
00:07:00,379 --> 00:07:01,797 Chris Hall joins us now. Chris?
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:03,924 Yes, there are incredible things we're learning
00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:05,801 about Americans in the future, Aaron.
00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:08,929 It appears that in the future Americans have evolved
00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:11,932 into a hairless, uniform mix of all races.
00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:13,225 They are all one color,
00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:16,311 which is a yellowy, light-brownish, whitish color.
00:07:16,437 --> 00:07:18,939 It seems race is no longer an issue in the future
00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:21,567 because all ethnicities have mixed into one.
00:07:21,692 --> 00:07:22,818 Perhaps most interesting
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:24,945 is how this has affected their language.
00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:27,322 The people in the future speak a complete mix
00:07:27,448 --> 00:07:29,283 of English, Chinese, Turkish,
00:07:29,408 --> 00:07:30,868 and, indeed, all world languages,
00:07:30,993 --> 00:07:32,536 which sounds something like this...
00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:34,621 Foik flank'en fark.
00:07:34,746 --> 00:07:35,914 Back to you, Aaron.
00:07:36,039 --> 00:07:37,624 Apparently, the people from the future
00:07:37,749 --> 00:07:39,543 are having a pretty easy time finding work.
00:07:39,668 --> 00:07:41,503 Since they offer to work for such low wages,
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:43,964 they're being hired all over America.
00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:45,591 This is bullcrap!
00:07:45,716 --> 00:07:47,342 - We don't like this! - I ain't standin' for this!
00:07:47,468 --> 00:07:48,635 I'm mad as hell!
00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:50,471 All right, folks, my name is Daryl Weathers,
00:07:50,596 --> 00:07:52,723 and I'm with the construction workers union.
00:07:52,848 --> 00:07:56,185 I work with a lot of fine men who have families to feed.
00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:57,311 I don't know about y'all,
00:07:57,436 --> 00:08:00,063 but we worked long and hard to get our pay up to a level
00:08:00,189 --> 00:08:01,857 where we could make a decent living.
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:05,027 And now these people from the future are showing up
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,988 and offering to do the same work for next to nothin'!
00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:09,948 They took our jobs!
00:08:10,073 --> 00:08:11,492 Yeah!
00:08:11,617 --> 00:08:12,951 - They sure did! - They did!
00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:14,495 We're in the moving business.
00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:16,997 Fourteen years we been working our butts off.
00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:20,167 Now these future folk come in, and we can't get work nowhere!
00:08:20,292 --> 00:08:21,668 Well, they took our jobs!
00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:23,170 They took yer job!
00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:24,796 - They took your jobs, too! - Took yer job!
00:08:24,922 --> 00:08:26,965 What about us in the fast-food business?
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:28,634 The restaurants are firing us
00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:31,178 'cause the future people work for a lot less.
00:08:31,303 --> 00:08:33,388 They took our jobs!
00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:35,182 - They took their jobs! - They took their jobs!
00:08:35,307 --> 00:08:37,184 - They took yer job! - Took yer jobs!
00:08:37,309 --> 00:08:38,810 It's affecting kids, too.
00:08:38,936 --> 00:08:40,812 Me and my friends started our own snow-shoveling business.
00:08:40,938 --> 00:08:42,981 We were trying to be responsible and make money, you know?
00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:44,733 But then the people from the future came along,
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,818 and now we're out of work, too!
00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:50,155 Oh. They took our jobs!
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:52,908 - They took yer job! - They took yer job!
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,160 - Yeah! - Dook yer durrr!
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:17,015 Gl'r gl'r g'r g'rg.
00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:28,527 Stanley, it's almost 8:00. Where have you been?
00:09:28,652 --> 00:09:30,404 I was at a rally to protest all the immigrants
00:09:30,529 --> 00:09:31,822 from the future coming in and trying --
00:09:31,947 --> 00:09:32,823 Glrk'a?
00:09:32,948 --> 00:09:34,950 Oh, yes, the laundry machine is down in the basement.
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,411 And our son is home. Could you please set the table for dinner?
00:09:37,536 --> 00:09:39,371 G'oh. G'up r'up!
00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:40,622 Who is that?
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,499 That's our new housekeeper, Mrs. Gw'arh.
00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:45,127 She's gonna help around the house on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:47,212 And she'll do it for 10 cents an hour.
00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:48,422 Aw, but that's the problem.
00:09:48,547 --> 00:09:50,465 Those goobacks are takin' our jobs!
00:09:50,591 --> 00:09:52,509 - What?! - Oh, my God!
00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:55,846 Stan Marsh, how dare you use that time-bashing slur?!
00:09:55,971 --> 00:09:57,681 Who taught you to talk like that?
00:09:57,806 --> 00:09:59,808 Well, dude, they <i>a re</i> taking people's jobs away.
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,810 They're only taking the small, menial jobs
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,562 that nobody else really wants to do.
00:10:03,687 --> 00:10:05,063 I wanted <i>my</i> job!
00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:07,482 Hey, Stanley, you need to understand something.
00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:09,776 Those people from the future have had a hard life.
00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:12,863 Where they come from is dirty and overpopulated and poor.
00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:15,657 You can't even imagine the kind of depression they come from.
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,576 So for us, who have everything so good,
00:10:17,701 --> 00:10:18,910 to judge them is wrong.
00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:19,953 Do you understand?
00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:22,706 Next time you think about calling them goobacks,
00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:24,249 you might want to just stop for a second
00:10:24,374 --> 00:10:26,043 and think about how crappy the future really is.
00:10:26,168 --> 00:10:27,127 That's right.
00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:29,546 We're not raising our son to be an ignorant timecist.
00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:30,672 T-Timecist?
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:32,215 You know -- a racist, but against people from --
00:10:32,341 --> 00:10:33,884 People from the future. Right. Got it.
00:10:34,009 --> 00:10:34,926 All right. Good.
00:10:35,052 --> 00:10:35,927 Now let's all go eat
00:10:36,053 --> 00:10:38,722 some of Mrs. Gw'arh's great future cooking.
00:10:38,847 --> 00:10:42,392 And now here is Bill O'Reilly.
00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:45,062 Welcome, welcome to the No Spin Zone, all right?
00:10:45,187 --> 00:10:46,521 And what we're talking about today
00:10:46,647 --> 00:10:49,232 are the immigrants from the future, all right?
00:10:49,358 --> 00:10:51,526 Most people are more than happy to give a helping hand
00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:53,654 to these people who obviously need it, all right?
00:10:53,779 --> 00:10:55,280 But others are starting to say
00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:58,325 that the time portal should be closed off, all right?
00:10:58,450 --> 00:10:59,993 Now, I've got two guests with me tonight
00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:01,578 who have opposing views on the matter.
00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:03,914 On my right is pissed-off white-trash
00:11:04,039 --> 00:11:05,165 redneck conservative.
00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:06,917 Thanks for having me, Bill.
00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:10,337 And on my left is aging hippie liberal douche.
00:11:10,462 --> 00:11:11,421 Hello.
00:11:11,546 --> 00:11:12,506 Now, pissed-off redneck,
00:11:12,631 --> 00:11:14,549 you say we shouldn't allow anyone else
00:11:14,675 --> 00:11:15,926 through the time portal, all right?
00:11:16,051 --> 00:11:17,761 You're goddamn right.
00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:20,764 These people from the future are taking all the work away
00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:23,809 from us decent present-day Americans.
00:11:23,934 --> 00:11:26,019 They took our jobs!
00:11:26,144 --> 00:11:27,979 They took our jobs!
00:11:28,105 --> 00:11:31,316 Those jobs belong to people from the present!
00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:32,234 All right.
00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,361 What say you, aging hippie liberal douche?
00:11:34,486 --> 00:11:36,822 It's typical for conservative rednecks like these
00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:38,782 to view the immigrants as the problem.
00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:41,284 But really the problem is America.
00:11:41,410 --> 00:11:43,370 It is our greedy multinational corporations
00:11:43,495 --> 00:11:45,163 that keep everyone else in poverty.
00:11:45,288 --> 00:11:47,332 Your ancestors came to America as immigrants.
00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:49,710 What right do you have to turn these people away?
00:11:49,835 --> 00:11:52,212 All right. Redneck, your rebuttal?
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:56,049 They took our jobs!
00:11:56,174 --> 00:11:57,843 They took our jobs!
00:11:57,968 --> 00:12:00,011 Durk er durrr!
00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:03,640 All right, children.
00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:06,309 The school board has mandated that I must now teach class
00:12:06,435 --> 00:12:09,396 in both present-day English and Futurespeak.
00:12:09,980 --> 00:12:10,772 What?
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:13,734 So with that in mind, let's continue our lessons on verbs.
00:12:13,859 --> 00:12:16,319 Remember that there are transitive verbs such as,
00:12:16,445 --> 00:12:19,322 "The boy threw the red ball,"
00:12:19,448 --> 00:12:23,076 which in Futurespeak, of course, is g'rk gr'kle r'glk.
00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:25,495 Everyone say it with me. G'rk gr'kle r'glk.
00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:27,956 G'rk gr'kle r'glk.
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,208 G'rk r'g-g-g--lk.
00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:32,961 And there are intransitive verbs, such as,
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:37,674 "The 11:15 bus from Denver arrived 12 hours late."
00:12:37,799 --> 00:12:41,011 Or in Futurespeak, g'lrk.
00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:42,679 G'lrk.
00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:44,556 Dude, hold on. This is bullcrap!
00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:45,974 If they want to live in <i>our</i> time,
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:47,434 then they should learn <i>our</i> language!
00:12:47,559 --> 00:12:48,685 - Yeah! - Right!
00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:52,063 Hey, now, these immigrants have a right to retain their culture.
00:12:52,189 --> 00:12:54,107 Who are we to say our language is best?
00:12:54,232 --> 00:12:55,650 They deserve to have an education
00:12:55,776 --> 00:12:57,235 just as much as you do.
00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,488 Thank you, aging hippie liberal douche.
00:12:59,613 --> 00:13:00,989 You betcha.
00:13:01,865 --> 00:13:02,908 Timmy!
00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:04,701 Okay, now. Let's get back to it, kids.
00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:06,536 Which kind of verb is this?
00:13:06,661 --> 00:13:09,414 "The sad girl puts balls in her mouth."
00:13:09,539 --> 00:13:11,082 Or, in Futurespeak, of course --
00:13:11,208 --> 00:13:13,877 G'rk g'rak balls g'rk g'rk.
00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:15,462 This is bullcrap!
00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:17,088 - We don't like this! - I ain't standin' for this!
00:13:17,214 --> 00:13:18,465 Listen up, everybody.
00:13:18,590 --> 00:13:22,511 We've just received a reply from our congressman.
00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:24,763 "Dear intolerant rednecks,
00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:27,849 we sympathize with you all losing your jobs.
00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:31,269 However, we feel your solution of shooting everyone
00:13:31,394 --> 00:13:34,439 who crosses the time border is inhumane."
00:13:34,564 --> 00:13:35,857 - What? - That's ridiculous!
00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:38,109 - They can't do that! - That was a good idea!
00:13:38,235 --> 00:13:41,029 So it appears the government ain't gonna help us,
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:44,074 which means we got to take matters into our own hands.
00:13:44,199 --> 00:13:46,785 The only way to stop people from the future
00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:49,788 is to stop the future from happening.
00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:50,872 Hey, that's right!
00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:52,123 If there <i>is</i> no future,
00:13:52,249 --> 00:13:54,459 then there'll be no people <i>fro m</i> the future
00:13:54,584 --> 00:13:56,127 to come back and take our jobs!
00:13:56,253 --> 00:13:57,712 Dur er durrr!
00:13:57,838 --> 00:13:58,964 All right.
00:13:59,089 --> 00:14:04,177 So any ideas how we can stop the future from happening?
00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:08,306 How about we cause more global warming
00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:11,768 so that in the future the polar ice caps melt,
00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:14,938 a-and it ushers in a new ice age?
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:21,486 How the hell is global warming gonna cause an ice age?
00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:24,489 Well, you know, the global warming could bring on,
00:14:24,614 --> 00:14:26,741 like, a climate shift or something.
00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:29,327 Chet, you are a fuckin' retard. You know that?
00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:31,913 Even if global warming were real --
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:34,457 which all proven scientific data shows it isn't --
00:14:34,583 --> 00:14:38,003 it would take millions of years for a climate shift to happen.
00:14:38,128 --> 00:14:41,006 You think an ice age can just happen all of a sudden like?
00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:43,174 Well, I was just trying to be helpful.
00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:45,218 Well, help yourself to a fuckin' science book,
00:14:45,343 --> 00:14:47,762 'cause you're talking like a fuckin' retard.
00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:49,556 Now, come on, people! We've got to think!
00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:51,349 Damn it, they took our job!
00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:52,642 They took our job!
00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:53,852 They took our job!
00:14:53,977 --> 00:14:55,312 - Taka dur! - Took our job!
00:14:59,691 --> 00:15:01,526 G'rr? G'lk g'lr?
00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:04,946 G'rk! G'lrm g'lak g'lak.
00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:26,217 Oh, dude!
00:15:26,343 --> 00:15:29,012 G'lar d'kuh?
00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:31,306 Can you speak in present-day English, please?
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:32,724 Oh.
00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:35,560 Can I help you?
00:15:35,685 --> 00:15:37,938 Uh, yeah. I want a double cheeseburger and fries.
00:15:40,023 --> 00:15:41,900 Chicken sandwich?
00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:44,569 No. A double cheeseburger and fries.
00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:46,655 - Anything to drink? - What?
00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:47,739 Anything to drink?
00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:49,491 We can't understand you, asshole!
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:51,159 G'lrk. G'lk g'rr g'lrk.
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:52,911 G'rek g'lrk g'lrk. G'rek g'lrk g'lrk.
00:15:53,036 --> 00:15:54,037 G'wark.
00:15:54,162 --> 00:15:55,747 Can I help you?
00:15:55,872 --> 00:15:58,166 I'm trying to order a double cheeseburger.
00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:00,794 Chicken sandwich?
00:16:00,919 --> 00:16:02,712 No, not a chicken sandwich!
00:16:02,837 --> 00:16:05,590 I want a goddamn cheeseburger and some goddamn fries,
00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:07,634 you fucking goobacks!
00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:09,970 Stan Marsh!
00:16:10,095 --> 00:16:13,098 Aw -- Awwww!
00:16:13,682 --> 00:16:14,975 Come on, people. Think!
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:16,643 How are we gonna stop these immigrants
00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:18,144 from takin' our jobs?
00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:19,771 Hey, I got an idea.
00:16:19,896 --> 00:16:21,982 Maybe we should all take off all our clothes,
00:16:22,107 --> 00:16:23,191 scramble into a big pile,
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:26,194 and start getting gay with each other.
00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:29,823 Did you say get gay?
00:16:29,948 --> 00:16:32,742 Hey, yeah. That's not a bad idea!
00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:34,536 What, gettin' gay?
00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:36,997 Think about it. These people are from the future, right?
00:16:37,122 --> 00:16:39,332 Well, if we can get everyone to turn queer,
00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:41,710 then there won't be no children to have no children,
00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:45,755 and the people from the future won't exist to take our jobs!
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:47,841 I ain't turning queer.
00:16:47,966 --> 00:16:49,134 You have to, Jimbo,
00:16:49,259 --> 00:16:50,760 or else we won't be able to stop them.
00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:52,470 Damn it! They took er blerrr!
00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:53,805 Yeah! They took our jobs!
00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:55,682 Took er durrr!
00:16:55,807 --> 00:16:57,517 Let's go over to that part of town
00:16:57,642 --> 00:16:59,519 that all the future people moved into
00:16:59,644 --> 00:17:02,439 and start humpin' each other until they disappear.
00:17:02,564 --> 00:17:04,190 Come on!
00:17:05,108 --> 00:17:08,778 Come on! You want your jobs back or not?!
00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:20,540 All right, you future bastards!
00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:22,333 Think you can take our jobs?
00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:23,835 Well, we'll show you.
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,545 Come here, Earl!
00:17:28,298 --> 00:17:30,675 How do you like that, gooback?
00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:34,262 Come on, you guys!
00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:43,313 Everyone who believes in America, join in with us!
00:17:43,438 --> 00:17:46,149 We're gonna make these future bastards nonexistent!
00:17:50,487 --> 00:17:51,529 Aw, come on, Dad.
00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:53,156 How come I have to go to work with you?
00:17:53,281 --> 00:17:54,991 Because you're being grounded, Stanley.
00:17:55,116 --> 00:17:56,367 Now, I don't want to hear another word
00:17:56,493 --> 00:17:57,994 out of your intolerant mouth.
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:00,830 You just sit right there, Stanley,
00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:02,999 and you think about what you've done.
00:18:04,292 --> 00:18:05,627 You'll find all the copiers and printers
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,962 - in the next room over and -- - Hey, Mr. Nelson.
00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:09,756 Oh. R-Randy.
00:18:09,881 --> 00:18:11,508 I'm surprised to see you here.
00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:12,967 Why? This is my office.
00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:15,845 Oh, boy. Didn't you get my phone message?
00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:17,055 Ooh, this is awkward.
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:20,558 Well, the thing is, Randy, you've been replaced.
00:18:20,683 --> 00:18:21,476 What?
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,770 W-We found an immigrant from the future who knows geology,
00:18:23,895 --> 00:18:25,605 and he offered to work for next to nothing.
00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:27,607 This is Mr. G'luhg'rwe.
00:18:27,732 --> 00:18:28,900 G'rlo.
00:18:29,484 --> 00:18:31,069 You can't be serious.
00:18:31,194 --> 00:18:32,070 I'm sorry, Randy.
00:18:32,195 --> 00:18:33,947 It's just with all the budget cuts and all --
00:18:34,072 --> 00:18:35,782 We'll give you some time to clean out your desk.
00:18:35,907 --> 00:18:38,118 Follow me, Mr. G'luhg'rwe.
00:18:38,243 --> 00:18:39,744 I'll show you to the coffee room.
00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:44,749 Oh, my God.
00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:47,043 They took my job!
00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:49,170 They took yer job!
00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:50,713 This is CNN.
00:18:50,839 --> 00:18:52,382 Breaking news at the time border.
00:18:52,507 --> 00:18:54,425 We go now live to Harrison Moore.
00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:56,719 Aaron, I'm standing at the time border,
00:18:56,845 --> 00:18:59,639 where some kind of mass protest has broken out.
00:18:59,764 --> 00:19:02,851 Hundreds of men who have lost their jobs to time immigrants
00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:05,436 are here having sex with one another.
00:19:05,562 --> 00:19:08,356 These men have apparently sucked and screwed their way
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:09,524 across the state
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,192 and are now here at the time border
00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:12,819 trying to get national attention.
00:19:12,944 --> 00:19:16,072 These unemployed men have been having sex for several days.
00:19:16,197 --> 00:19:19,701 Joining me now is their spokesperson, Randy Marsh.
00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:22,954 Mr. Marsh, what exactly are you trying to accomplish?
00:19:23,079 --> 00:19:25,039 We're doing the only thing we <i>can</i> do.
00:19:25,165 --> 00:19:26,833 If our government is just gonna let
00:19:26,958 --> 00:19:28,877 anybody into our time who wants to come,
00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:31,171 then we have to take matters into our own hands.
00:19:31,296 --> 00:19:32,714 We're trying to turn everyone gay
00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:34,716 so there <i>a re</i> no future humans.
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:36,634 Present-day America, number one!
00:19:36,759 --> 00:19:37,844 Yeah, America!
00:19:37,969 --> 00:19:39,179 Took our jobs!
00:19:39,304 --> 00:19:41,973 Do you really think you can get enough people to turn gay
00:19:42,098 --> 00:19:44,100 to destroy the future of humanity?
00:19:44,225 --> 00:19:45,935 All we can do is try, Harrison.
00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:49,480 Trying to stop immigration is intolerant and ignorant!
00:19:49,606 --> 00:19:51,816 Those immigrants have a right to pursue happiness!
00:19:51,941 --> 00:19:53,943 Young man, what do you think about all this?
00:19:54,611 --> 00:19:56,613 I-I think it's wrong to call them goobacks,
00:19:56,738 --> 00:19:58,239 because they're no different from us.
00:19:58,364 --> 00:20:00,533 They're just humans trying to make their lives better.
00:20:00,658 --> 00:20:02,869 Look, it sucks that the immigrants' time is so crappy.
00:20:02,994 --> 00:20:03,995 But the cold, hard truth
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:05,830 is if we let them all come back to our time,
00:20:05,955 --> 00:20:07,874 it's just gonna make our time crappy, too.
00:20:07,999 --> 00:20:10,793 Maybe the answer isn't trying to stop the future from happening,
00:20:10,919 --> 00:20:12,879 but making the future better.
00:20:14,172 --> 00:20:15,048 Huh?
00:20:15,173 --> 00:20:16,507 Maybe if we all commit right now
00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:18,051 to working towards a better future,
00:20:18,176 --> 00:20:20,762 then the future won't be so bad and these immigrants won't need
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,388 to come back here looking for work.
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,934 Hey, he's right.
00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:29,520 If we build for a better future, the immigrants will stay there!
00:20:29,646 --> 00:20:30,897 Yeah.
00:20:31,022 --> 00:20:33,733 We've got to start working towards a brighter tomorrow.
00:20:33,858 --> 00:20:35,693 Well, what are we waiting for?
00:20:39,489 --> 00:20:41,783 ♪ We've got to work for a better future ♪
00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:44,494 ♪ We've got to join hands for tomorrow ♪
00:20:44,619 --> 00:20:46,579 ♪ Take the first step and you will see ♪
00:20:46,704 --> 00:20:51,084 ♪ The future begins with you and me ♪
00:20:51,209 --> 00:20:53,294 ♪ We can start to make a difference ♪
00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:55,797 ♪ If we want it for our children ♪
00:20:55,922 --> 00:20:57,966 ♪ Recycle that can and plant that tree ♪
00:20:58,091 --> 00:21:01,177 ♪ 'Cause the future begins with you and me ♪
00:21:01,302 --> 00:21:02,595 Look! It's working!
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:05,306 ♪ The future begins with you and me ♪
00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:07,267 The immigrants are fading away!
00:21:07,392 --> 00:21:08,601 We're doing it!
00:21:08,726 --> 00:21:11,145 ♪ We've got to work for a better future ♪
00:21:11,271 --> 00:21:14,107 ♪ We've got to join hands for tomorrow ♪
00:21:14,232 --> 00:21:16,067 ♪ Take the first step and you will see the future -- ♪
00:21:16,192 --> 00:21:18,861 Dude, wait. Wait. H-Hold on. Wait a second.
00:21:18,987 --> 00:21:19,988 This is gay.
00:21:20,113 --> 00:21:21,114 This is really gay.
00:21:21,239 --> 00:21:22,907 Yeah, this is even gayer than all the men
00:21:23,032 --> 00:21:25,076 getting in a big pile and having sex with each other.
00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:26,577 Okay. Sorry. My bad.
00:21:26,703 --> 00:21:27,870 Everyone back in the pile.
00:21:27,996 --> 00:21:29,372 Back in the pile, everyone!
00:21:29,497 --> 00:21:30,873 - We're going back to the pile! - Jump in!
00:21:30,999 --> 00:21:33,042 - Come on, everybody! - We're going back to the pile!
00:21:33,167 --> 00:21:34,877 - Yeah! Come on! - Taka dur!
00:21:35,003 --> 00:21:37,171 ♪ We've got to work for a better future ♪
00:21:37,297 --> 00:21:40,008 ♪ We've got to join hands for tomorrow ♪
00:21:40,133 --> 00:21:42,051 ♪ Take the first step and you will see ♪
00:21:42,176 --> 00:21:45,680 ♪ The future begins with you and me ♪
00:21:46,639 --> 00:21:48,850 ♪ We can start to make a difference ♪
00:21:48,975 --> 00:21:51,144 ♪ If we want it for our children ♪
00:21:51,269 --> 00:21:53,438 ♪ Recycle that can and plant that tree ♪
00:21:53,563 --> 00:21:57,442 ♪ 'Cause the future begins with you and me ♪
00:21:57,567 --> 00:22:01,154 ♪ The future begins with you and me ♪

00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:12,388 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:14,015 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:14,140 --> 00:00:15,599 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:18,853 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:18,978 --> 00:00:20,521 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,646 --> 00:00:22,398 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:25,401 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:28,904 Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:33,242 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
00:00:34,410 --> 00:00:37,621 [ Insects chirping, vehicle approaching ]
00:00:44,420 --> 00:00:47,465 [ Wind whistling, metal rattling ]
00:01:00,102 --> 00:01:02,772 [ Thunder crashes ]
00:01:02,897 --> 00:01:04,940 [ Buzzing ]
00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:07,318 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:18,621 G'rlkr.
00:01:25,211 --> 00:01:26,796 B'rk!
00:01:26,921 --> 00:01:28,255 - [ Horn blares ] - Aah!
00:01:30,174 --> 00:01:32,468 [ Horns honking ]
00:01:33,928 --> 00:01:34,929 [ Horn honks ]
00:01:35,805 --> 00:01:37,473 - [ Tires screech ] - G'rk!
00:01:39,683 --> 00:01:40,976 [ Doorbell rings ]
00:01:41,102 --> 00:01:42,019 Yes?
00:01:42,144 --> 00:01:43,854 Hello, ma'am.
00:01:43,979 --> 00:01:46,774 We're going around town and offering snow-shoveling service.
00:01:46,899 --> 00:01:48,984 Would you like your driveway and sidewalk shoveled
00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:50,861 for $8,000?
00:01:50,986 --> 00:01:53,197 Oh. Well, I certainly could use some little snow shovelers.
00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:55,366 But $8,000 seems a little steep.
00:01:55,491 --> 00:01:57,076 How about $10?
00:01:57,201 --> 00:01:58,369 Ooh. Ouch. Ma'am, please.
00:01:58,494 --> 00:02:00,246 Let go of that tight grip you have on my balls.
00:02:00,371 --> 00:02:02,123 $10. You're breaking my balls, ma'am.
00:02:02,248 --> 00:02:04,375 - How about $15? - It's a deal.
00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:06,669 All right, guys. Let's get to work!
00:02:11,507 --> 00:02:13,050 Yeah. Yeah. It was totally awesome.
00:02:13,175 --> 00:02:14,885 Craig crapped his pants when he saw it.
00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:16,262 Yeah. Sweet.
00:02:16,387 --> 00:02:18,389 So, what's going on over there?
00:02:18,514 --> 00:02:20,474 Yeah. That's pretty cool.
00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:22,560 No way! He did not!
00:02:22,685 --> 00:02:25,437 Aw, dude, that is so weak.
00:02:25,563 --> 00:02:26,605 What?
00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:28,524 You've been on your fucking phone since we started.
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:29,733 Dude, I'm taking a break.
00:02:29,859 --> 00:02:31,527 A break from what?! You haven't done anything!
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,487 Kyle, how many times do we have to go through this?
00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:34,572 I'm the negotiator.
00:02:34,697 --> 00:02:36,240 I negotiate our price with the customers.
00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:38,117 All you ever do is talk about your balls!
00:02:38,242 --> 00:02:39,160 It works, doesn't it?
00:02:39,285 --> 00:02:40,744 Did I not just get us an extra five bucks?
00:02:40,870 --> 00:02:42,121 If you want your share of the money,
00:02:42,246 --> 00:02:43,998 then you're gonna shovel snow like the rest of us!
00:02:44,123 --> 00:02:46,167 Hey, don't boss me around, you fucking Jew!
00:02:46,292 --> 00:02:47,877 I will kick your ass!
00:02:48,002 --> 00:02:50,004 [ Doorbell rings ]
00:02:52,548 --> 00:02:54,842 Ma'am, do you have a rag and some bandages?
00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:56,635 Oh, goodness. What happened?
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:58,345 [ Nasally ] Shoveling accident.
00:02:58,470 --> 00:03:00,514 Oh, no. Come on inside.
00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:02,057 [ Door closes ]
00:03:02,183 --> 00:03:04,435 Wait right here. I'll be right back.
00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:07,188 You're so lucky I have a sore shoulder, Kyle,
00:03:07,313 --> 00:03:08,689 or else I would have let you have it.
00:03:08,814 --> 00:03:10,357 Cartman, just keep your mouth shut.
00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:11,734 MAN: This is breaking news.
00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:13,360 Here's anchorman Aaron Brown.
00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:15,988 Incredible, absolutely amazing news today.
00:03:16,113 --> 00:03:18,908 A man from the future has come back in time
00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:22,036 and is in a government hospital after being hit by a car.
00:03:22,161 --> 00:03:23,579 Whoa.
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,539 Kristina Nalen has more.
00:03:25,664 --> 00:03:26,916 The news is incredible, Aaron.
00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:28,334 Experts and scientists have been
00:03:28,459 --> 00:03:30,419 with the man from the future for several hours now
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:33,547 and have been able to learn that he is from the year 3045.
00:03:33,672 --> 00:03:34,798 His condition is stable,
00:03:34,924 --> 00:03:37,301 and speculation continues as to why he has come.
00:03:37,426 --> 00:03:39,428 Has he come to deliver a cure for cancer
00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:41,555 or to fix something wrong with the past?
00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:43,224 Have to interrupt you there, Kristina.
00:03:43,349 --> 00:03:44,975 Apparently Brad Morgan is inside the base
00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:46,310 with breaking news -- Brad?
00:03:46,435 --> 00:03:48,938 Aaron, the scientists have been able to communicate further
00:03:49,063 --> 00:03:50,064 and have uncovered
00:03:50,189 --> 00:03:52,066 that the man from 1,000 years in the future
00:03:52,191 --> 00:03:54,652 has come to our time looking for work.
00:03:54,777 --> 00:03:56,237 He has said that the future
00:03:56,362 --> 00:03:58,113 is so overwhelmingly overpopulated
00:03:58,239 --> 00:04:00,407 that there are simply no jobs in his time,
00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:01,867 and so he built a time portal
00:04:01,992 --> 00:04:04,078 and has come back to 21st-century America
00:04:04,203 --> 00:04:05,120 to find a job here.
00:04:05,246 --> 00:04:06,664 That is absolutely astounding.
00:04:06,789 --> 00:04:07,957 He came back here for work?
00:04:08,082 --> 00:04:09,625 Uh, that's right, Aaron.
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,919 His plan is to get a job here in our time
00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:13,921 so that he can put the money he earns
00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:16,423 into a savings account, which will earn interest,
00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:19,551 and by the year 3045 be worth billions of dollars --
00:04:19,677 --> 00:04:21,053 which, of course, in the future
00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:22,930 will be worth only hundreds of dollars,
00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:24,848 but enough, he says, to feed his family.
00:04:24,974 --> 00:04:26,100 And now I understand
00:04:26,225 --> 00:04:28,060 we're going to Harrison Moore for an explanation
00:04:28,185 --> 00:04:29,728 on how the time portal works -- Harrison?
00:04:29,853 --> 00:04:32,147 Aaron, I am standing at the time portal
00:04:32,273 --> 00:04:35,234 which scientists say follows "Terminator" rules --
00:04:35,359 --> 00:04:37,778 That is, it's one-way only, and you can't go back.
00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:40,948 This is in contrast to, say, "Back to the Future" rules,
00:04:41,073 --> 00:04:42,616 where back and forth is possible,
00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:44,285 and of course, "Timerider" rules,
00:04:44,410 --> 00:04:45,703 which are just plain silly.
00:04:45,828 --> 00:04:47,955 Anyway, it appears that the man from the future
00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:49,415 is here to stay.
00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:52,584 Mom! Dad! Did you see?
00:04:52,710 --> 00:04:54,169 They found a man from the future!
00:04:54,295 --> 00:04:55,963 We know, Stanley. We've been watching.
00:04:56,088 --> 00:04:58,173 If you're just joining us,
00:04:58,299 --> 00:05:00,050 a man from over 2,000 years into the future
00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:02,428 has come through a one-way time portal looking for work.
00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:03,804 Uh, the president is expected
00:05:03,929 --> 00:05:05,431 to give an announcement at any time.
00:05:05,556 --> 00:05:07,391 Breaking news here at the time portal, Aaron.
00:05:07,516 --> 00:05:11,020 It appears another person from the future has just arrived!
00:05:11,145 --> 00:05:12,730 It looks as if the job at Wendy's
00:05:12,855 --> 00:05:14,523 did work for the original immigrant.
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,650 This second arrivee claims that man's family
00:05:16,775 --> 00:05:17,818 is now much better off
00:05:17,943 --> 00:05:19,862 and wishes the same for his family.
00:05:22,781 --> 00:05:24,992 There you go. All set, sweetie?
00:05:25,117 --> 00:05:27,328 Mom, can we go try to see the people from the future?
00:05:27,453 --> 00:05:29,496 I have a bunch of questions I want to ask them.
00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:31,123 I'm sure a lot of people do, hon.
00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:32,666 It's pretty exciting, isn't it?
00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:35,002 Now, you just get some sleep. You've had a busy day.
00:05:35,127 --> 00:05:36,712 Good night, sweetie.
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:39,423 Night, Mom.
00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:41,842 Wow. Two people from the future.
00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:43,761 How cool.
00:05:45,137 --> 00:05:47,348 [ Rumbling ]
00:05:57,816 --> 00:05:59,818 G'lr.
00:05:59,943 --> 00:06:01,528 G'gr g'rhr.
00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,031 G'lr. Gr.
00:06:04,156 --> 00:06:05,908 [ Horns honking ]
00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:15,334 [ Doorbell rings ]
00:06:16,502 --> 00:06:18,379 - Yes? - Hello, Mrs. Landis.
00:06:18,504 --> 00:06:20,255 Would you like snow-shoveling service again today?
00:06:20,381 --> 00:06:21,673 Ooh. Oh, dear.
00:06:21,799 --> 00:06:22,883 I'm sorry, boys,
00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:24,927 but I've already hired someone else to do it.
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:26,220 What?! Who?!
00:06:26,345 --> 00:06:27,888 One of those immigrants from the future.
00:06:28,013 --> 00:06:29,890 He said he would do it for 25 cents.
00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:32,726 25 cents? But that's not even worth it!
00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:35,479 All right, guys. Come on. We'll just go to the next house.
00:06:36,522 --> 00:06:37,648 Dude.
00:06:42,403 --> 00:06:44,530 Son of a bitch.
00:06:44,655 --> 00:06:46,323 Still more immigrants from the future
00:06:46,448 --> 00:06:47,908 arrived at the time border today,
00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:49,910 some even bringing their entire families.
00:06:50,035 --> 00:06:52,079 The purplish goo that they have on their bodies
00:06:52,204 --> 00:06:54,206 when they arrive is an ectoplasmic side effect
00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:55,582 of the time-travel process.
00:06:55,707 --> 00:06:57,835 This is all giving scientists a great opportunity
00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,254 to learn even more about American life in the future.
00:07:00,379 --> 00:07:01,797 Chris Hall joins us now. Chris?
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:03,924 Yes, there are incredible things we're learning
00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:05,801 about Americans in the future, Aaron.
00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:08,929 It appears that in the future Americans have evolved
00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:11,932 into a hairless, uniform mix of all races.
00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:13,225 They are all one color,
00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:16,311 which is a yellowy, light-brownish, whitish color.
00:07:16,437 --> 00:07:18,939 It seems race is no longer an issue in the future
00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:21,567 because all ethnicities have mixed into one.
00:07:21,692 --> 00:07:22,818 Perhaps most interesting
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:24,945 is how this has affected their language.
00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:27,322 The people in the future speak a complete mix
00:07:27,448 --> 00:07:29,283 of English, Chinese, Turkish,
00:07:29,408 --> 00:07:30,868 and, indeed, all world languages,
00:07:30,993 --> 00:07:32,536 which sounds something like this...
00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:34,621 [ Gutturally ] Foik flank'en fark.
00:07:34,746 --> 00:07:35,914 Back to you, Aaron.
00:07:36,039 --> 00:07:37,624 Apparently, the people from the future
00:07:37,749 --> 00:07:39,543 are having a pretty easy time finding work.
00:07:39,668 --> 00:07:41,503 Since they offer to work for such low wages,
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:43,964 they're being hired all over America.
00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:45,591 This is bullcrap!
00:07:45,716 --> 00:07:47,342 - We don't like this! - I ain't standin' for this!
00:07:47,468 --> 00:07:48,635 I'm mad as hell!
00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:50,471 All right, folks, my name is Daryl Weathers,
00:07:50,596 --> 00:07:52,723 and I'm with the construction workers union.
00:07:52,848 --> 00:07:56,185 I work with a lot of fine men who have families to feed.
00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:57,311 I don't know about y'all,
00:07:57,436 --> 00:08:00,063 but we worked long and hard to get our pay up to a level
00:08:00,189 --> 00:08:01,857 where we could make a decent living.
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:05,027 And now these people from the future are showing up
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,988 and offering to do the same work for next to nothin'!
00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:09,948 They took our jobs!
00:08:10,073 --> 00:08:11,492 ALL: Yeah!
00:08:11,617 --> 00:08:12,951 - They sure did! - They did!
00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:14,495 We're in the moving business.
00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:16,997 Fourteen years we been working our butts off.
00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:20,167 Now these future folk come in, and we can't get work nowhere!
00:08:20,292 --> 00:08:21,668 Well, they took our jobs!
00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:23,170 They took yer job!
00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:24,796 - They took your jobs, too! - Took yer job!
00:08:24,922 --> 00:08:26,965 What about us in the fast-food business?
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:28,634 The restaurants are firing us
00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:31,178 'cause the future people work for a lot less.
00:08:31,303 --> 00:08:33,388 They took our jobs!
00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:35,182 - They took their jobs! - They took their jobs!
00:08:35,307 --> 00:08:37,184 - They took yer job! - Took yer jobs!
00:08:37,309 --> 00:08:38,810 It's affecting kids, too.
00:08:38,936 --> 00:08:40,812 Me and my friends started our own snow-shoveling business.
00:08:40,938 --> 00:08:42,981 We were trying to be responsible and make money, you know?
00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:44,733 But then the people from the future came along,
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,818 and now we're out of work, too!
00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:50,155 Oh. They took our jobs!
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:52,908 - They took yer job! - They took yer job!
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,160 - Yeah! - Dook yer durrr!
00:08:55,285 --> 00:08:57,955 [ Insects chirping ]
00:09:01,917 --> 00:09:04,670 [ Wind whistling, metal rattling ]
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:17,015 Gl'r gl'r g'r g'rg.
00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:28,527 Stanley, it's almost 8:00. Where have you been?
00:09:28,652 --> 00:09:30,404 I was at a rally to protest all the immigrants
00:09:30,529 --> 00:09:31,822 from the future coming in and trying --
00:09:31,947 --> 00:09:32,823 Glrk'a?
00:09:32,948 --> 00:09:34,950 Oh, yes, the laundry machine is down in the basement.
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,411 And our son is home. Could you please set the table for dinner?
00:09:37,536 --> 00:09:39,371 G'oh. G'up r'up!
00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:40,622 Who is that?
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,499 That's our new housekeeper, Mrs. Gw'arh.
00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:45,127 She's gonna help around the house on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:47,212 And she'll do it for 10 cents an hour.
00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:48,422 Aw, but that's the problem.
00:09:48,547 --> 00:09:50,465 Those goobacks are takin' our jobs!
00:09:50,591 --> 00:09:52,509 - What?! - Oh, my God!
00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:55,846 Stan Marsh, how dare you use that time-bashing slur?!
00:09:55,971 --> 00:09:57,681 Who taught you to talk like that?
00:09:57,806 --> 00:09:59,808 Well, dude, they <i>a re</i> taking people's jobs away.
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,810 They're only taking the small, menial jobs
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,562 that nobody else really wants to do.
00:10:03,687 --> 00:10:05,063 I wanted <i>my</i> job!
00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:07,482 Hey, Stanley, you need to understand something.
00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:09,776 Those people from the future have had a hard life.
00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:12,863 Where they come from is dirty and overpopulated and poor.
00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:15,657 You can't even imagine the kind of depression they come from.
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,576 So for us, who have everything so good,
00:10:17,701 --> 00:10:18,910 to judge them is wrong.
00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:19,953 Do you understand?
00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:22,706 Next time you think about calling them goobacks,
00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:24,249 you might want to just stop for a second
00:10:24,374 --> 00:10:26,043 and think about how crappy the future really is.
00:10:26,168 --> 00:10:27,127 That's right.
00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:29,546 We're not raising our son to be an ignorant timecist.
00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:30,672 T-Timecist?
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:32,215 You know -- a racist, but against people from --
00:10:32,341 --> 00:10:33,884 People from the future. Right. Got it.
00:10:34,009 --> 00:10:34,926 All right. Good.
00:10:35,052 --> 00:10:35,927 Now let's all go eat
00:10:36,053 --> 00:10:38,722 some of Mrs. Gw'arh's great future cooking.
00:10:38,847 --> 00:10:42,392 MAN: And now here is Bill O'Reilly.
00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:45,062 Welcome, welcome to the No Spin Zone, all right?
00:10:45,187 --> 00:10:46,521 And what we're talking about today
00:10:46,647 --> 00:10:49,232 are the immigrants from the future, all right?
00:10:49,358 --> 00:10:51,526 Most people are more than happy to give a helping hand
00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:53,654 to these people who obviously need it, all right?
00:10:53,779 --> 00:10:55,280 But others are starting to say
00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:58,325 that the time portal should be closed off, all right?
00:10:58,450 --> 00:10:59,993 Now, I've got two guests with me tonight
00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:01,578 who have opposing views on the matter.
00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:03,914 On my right is pissed-off white-trash
00:11:04,039 --> 00:11:05,165 redneck conservative.
00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:06,917 Thanks for having me, Bill.
00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:10,337 And on my left is aging hippie liberal douche.
00:11:10,462 --> 00:11:11,421 Hello.
00:11:11,546 --> 00:11:12,506 Now, pissed-off redneck,
00:11:12,631 --> 00:11:14,549 you say we shouldn't allow anyone else
00:11:14,675 --> 00:11:15,926 through the time portal, all right?
00:11:16,051 --> 00:11:17,761 You're goddamn right.
00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:20,764 These people from the future are taking all the work away
00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:23,809 from us decent present-day Americans.
00:11:23,934 --> 00:11:26,019 They took our jobs!
00:11:26,144 --> 00:11:27,979 They took our jobs!
00:11:28,105 --> 00:11:31,316 Those jobs belong to people from the present!
00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:32,234 All right.
00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,361 What say you, aging hippie liberal douche?
00:11:34,486 --> 00:11:36,822 It's typical for conservative rednecks like these
00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:38,782 to view the immigrants as the problem.
00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:41,284 But really the problem is America.
00:11:41,410 --> 00:11:43,370 It is our greedy multinational corporations
00:11:43,495 --> 00:11:45,163 that keep everyone else in poverty.
00:11:45,288 --> 00:11:47,332 Your ancestors came to America as immigrants.
00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:49,710 What right do you have to turn these people away?
00:11:49,835 --> 00:11:52,212 All right. Redneck, your rebuttal?
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:56,049 They took our jobs!
00:11:56,174 --> 00:11:57,843 They took our jobs!
00:11:57,968 --> 00:12:00,011 Durk er durrr!
00:12:00,137 --> 00:12:02,514 [ Bell rings ]
00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:03,640 MR. GARRISON: All right, children.
00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:06,309 The school board has mandated that I must now teach class
00:12:06,435 --> 00:12:09,396 in both present-day English and Futurespeak.
00:12:09,980 --> 00:12:10,772 What?
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:13,734 So with that in mind, let's continue our lessons on verbs.
00:12:13,859 --> 00:12:16,319 Remember that there are transitive verbs such as,
00:12:16,445 --> 00:12:19,322 "The boy threw the red ball,"
00:12:19,448 --> 00:12:23,076 which in Futurespeak, of course, is g'rk gr'kle r'glk.
00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:25,495 Everyone say it with me. G'rk gr'kle r'glk.
00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:27,956 ALL: G'rk gr'kle r'glk.
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,208 G'rk r'g-g-g--lk.
00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:32,961 And there are intransitive verbs, such as,
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:37,674 "The 11:15 bus from Denver arrived 12 hours late."
00:12:37,799 --> 00:12:41,011 Or in Futurespeak, g'lrk.
00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:42,679 ALL: G'lrk.
00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:44,556 Dude, hold on. This is bullcrap!
00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:45,974 If they want to live in <i>our</i> time,
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:47,434 then they should learn <i>our</i> language!
00:12:47,559 --> 00:12:48,685 - Yeah! - Right!
00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:52,063 Hey, now, these immigrants have a right to retain their culture.
00:12:52,189 --> 00:12:54,107 Who are we to say our language is best?
00:12:54,232 --> 00:12:55,650 They deserve to have an education
00:12:55,776 --> 00:12:57,235 just as much as you do.
00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,488 Thank you, aging hippie liberal douche.
00:12:59,613 --> 00:13:00,989 You betcha.
00:13:01,865 --> 00:13:02,908 Timmy!
00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:04,701 Okay, now. Let's get back to it, kids.
00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:06,536 Which kind of verb is this?
00:13:06,661 --> 00:13:09,414 "The sad girl puts balls in her mouth."
00:13:09,539 --> 00:13:11,082 Or, in Futurespeak, of course --
00:13:11,208 --> 00:13:13,877 G'rk g'rak balls g'rk g'rk.
00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:15,462 This is bullcrap!
00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:17,088 - We don't like this! - I ain't standin' for this!
00:13:17,214 --> 00:13:18,465 Listen up, everybody.
00:13:18,590 --> 00:13:22,511 We've just received a reply from our congressman.
00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:24,763 "Dear intolerant rednecks,
00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:27,849 we sympathize with you all losing your jobs.
00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:31,269 However, we feel your solution of shooting everyone
00:13:31,394 --> 00:13:34,439 who crosses the time border is inhumane."
00:13:34,564 --> 00:13:35,857 - What? - That's ridiculous!
00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:38,109 - They can't do that! - That was a good idea!
00:13:38,235 --> 00:13:41,029 So it appears the government ain't gonna help us,
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:44,074 which means we got to take matters into our own hands.
00:13:44,199 --> 00:13:46,785 The only way to stop people from the future
00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:49,788 is to stop the future from happening.
00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:50,872 Hey, that's right!
00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:52,123 If there <i>is</i> no future,
00:13:52,249 --> 00:13:54,459 then there'll be no people <i>fro m</i> the future
00:13:54,584 --> 00:13:56,127 to come back and take our jobs!
00:13:56,253 --> 00:13:57,712 Dur er durrr!
00:13:57,838 --> 00:13:58,964 All right.
00:13:59,089 --> 00:14:04,177 So any ideas how we can stop the future from happening?
00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:08,306 How about we cause more global warming
00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:11,768 so that in the future the polar ice caps melt,
00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:14,938 a-and it ushers in a new ice age?
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:21,486 How the hell is global warming gonna cause an ice age?
00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:24,489 Well, you know, the global warming could bring on,
00:14:24,614 --> 00:14:26,741 like, a climate shift or something.
00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:29,327 Chet, you are a fuckin' retard. You know that?
00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:31,913 Even if global warming were real --
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:34,457 which all proven scientific data shows it isn't --
00:14:34,583 --> 00:14:38,003 it would take millions of years for a climate shift to happen.
00:14:38,128 --> 00:14:41,006 You think an ice age can just happen all of a sudden like?
00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:43,174 Well, I was just trying to be helpful.
00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:45,218 Well, help yourself to a fuckin' science book,
00:14:45,343 --> 00:14:47,762 'cause you're talking like a fuckin' retard.
00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:49,556 Now, come on, people! We've got to think!
00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:51,349 Damn it, they took our job!
00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:52,642 They took our job!
00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:53,852 They took our job!
00:14:53,977 --> 00:14:55,312 - Taka dur! - Took our job!
00:14:59,691 --> 00:15:01,526 G'rr? G'lk g'lr?
00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:04,946 G'rk! G'lrm g'lak g'lak.
00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:08,033 [ Mid-tempo music playing ]
00:15:08,158 --> 00:15:10,368 [ Whirring ]
00:15:15,790 --> 00:15:17,918 [ Music continues ]
00:15:19,169 --> 00:15:21,004 [ Coughing ]
00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:26,217 Oh, dude!
00:15:26,343 --> 00:15:29,012 G'lar d'kuh?
00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:31,306 Can you speak in present-day English, please?
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:32,724 Oh.
00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:35,560 [ Future accent ] Can I help you?
00:15:35,685 --> 00:15:37,938 Uh, yeah. I want a double cheeseburger and fries.
00:15:40,023 --> 00:15:41,900 Chicken sandwich?
00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:44,569 No. A double cheeseburger and fries.
00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:46,655 - Anything to drink? - What?
00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:47,739 Anything to drink?
00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:49,491 We can't understand you, asshole!
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:51,159 G'lrk. G'lk g'rr g'lrk.
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:52,911 G'rek g'lrk g'lrk. G'rek g'lrk g'lrk.
00:15:53,036 --> 00:15:54,037 G'wark.
00:15:54,162 --> 00:15:55,747 [ Future accent ] Can I help you?
00:15:55,872 --> 00:15:58,166 I'm trying to order a double cheeseburger.
00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:00,794 Chicken sandwich?
00:16:00,919 --> 00:16:02,712 No, not a chicken sandwich!
00:16:02,837 --> 00:16:05,590 I want a goddamn cheeseburger and some goddamn fries,
00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:07,634 you fucking goobacks!
00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:09,970 Stan Marsh!
00:16:10,095 --> 00:16:13,098 Aw -- Awwww!
00:16:13,682 --> 00:16:14,975 Come on, people. Think!
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:16,643 How are we gonna stop these immigrants
00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:18,144 from takin' our jobs?
00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:19,771 Hey, I got an idea.
00:16:19,896 --> 00:16:21,982 Maybe we should all take off all our clothes,
00:16:22,107 --> 00:16:23,191 scramble into a big pile,
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:26,194 and start getting gay with each other.
00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:29,823 Did you say get gay?
00:16:29,948 --> 00:16:32,742 Hey, yeah. That's not a bad idea!
00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:34,536 What, gettin' gay?
00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:36,997 Think about it. These people are from the future, right?
00:16:37,122 --> 00:16:39,332 Well, if we can get everyone to turn queer,
00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:41,710 then there won't be no children to have no children,
00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:45,755 and the people from the future won't exist to take our jobs!
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:47,841 I ain't turning queer.
00:16:47,966 --> 00:16:49,134 You have to, Jimbo,
00:16:49,259 --> 00:16:50,760 or else we won't be able to stop them.
00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:52,470 Damn it! They took er blerrr!
00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:53,805 Yeah! They took our jobs!
00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:55,682 Took er durrr!
00:16:55,807 --> 00:16:57,517 Let's go over to that part of town
00:16:57,642 --> 00:16:59,519 that all the future people moved into
00:16:59,644 --> 00:17:02,439 and start humpin' each other until they disappear.
00:17:02,564 --> 00:17:04,190 Come on!
00:17:05,108 --> 00:17:08,778 Come on! You want your jobs back or not?!
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,615 [ Whirring ]
00:17:13,825 --> 00:17:15,618 [ Mid-tempo music playing ]
00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:20,540 All right, you future bastards!
00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:22,333 Think you can take our jobs?
00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:23,835 Well, we'll show you.
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,545 Come here, Earl!
00:17:28,298 --> 00:17:30,675 How do you like that, gooback?
00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:34,262 Come on, you guys!
00:17:37,766 --> 00:17:40,185 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:43,313 Everyone who believes in America, join in with us!
00:17:43,438 --> 00:17:46,149 We're gonna make these future bastards nonexistent!
00:17:50,487 --> 00:17:51,529 Aw, come on, Dad.
00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:53,156 How come I have to go to work with you?
00:17:53,281 --> 00:17:54,991 Because you're being grounded, Stanley.
00:17:55,116 --> 00:17:56,367 Now, I don't want to hear another word
00:17:56,493 --> 00:17:57,994 out of your intolerant mouth.
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:00,830 You just sit right there, Stanley,
00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:02,999 and you think about what you've done.
00:18:04,292 --> 00:18:05,627 You'll find all the copiers and printers
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,962 - in the next room over and -- - Hey, Mr. Nelson.
00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:09,756 Oh. R-Randy.
00:18:09,881 --> 00:18:11,508 I'm surprised to see you here.
00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:12,967 Why? This is my office.
00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:15,845 Oh, boy. Didn't you get my phone message?
00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:17,055 Ooh, this is awkward.
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:20,558 Well, the thing is, Randy, you've been replaced.
00:18:20,683 --> 00:18:21,476 What?
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,770 W-We found an immigrant from the future who knows geology,
00:18:23,895 --> 00:18:25,605 and he offered to work for next to nothing.
00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:27,607 This is Mr. G'luhg'rwe.
00:18:27,732 --> 00:18:28,900 G'rlo.
00:18:29,484 --> 00:18:31,069 You can't be serious.
00:18:31,194 --> 00:18:32,070 I'm sorry, Randy.
00:18:32,195 --> 00:18:33,947 It's just with all the budget cuts and all --
00:18:34,072 --> 00:18:35,782 We'll give you some time to clean out your desk.
00:18:35,907 --> 00:18:38,118 Follow me, Mr. G'luhg'rwe.
00:18:38,243 --> 00:18:39,744 I'll show you to the coffee room.
00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:42,747 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:44,749 Oh, my God.
00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:47,043 They took my job!
00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:49,170 They took yer job!
00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:50,713 MAN: This is CNN.
00:18:50,839 --> 00:18:52,382 Breaking news at the time border.
00:18:52,507 --> 00:18:54,425 We go now live to Harrison Moore.
00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:56,719 Aaron, I'm standing at the time border,
00:18:56,845 --> 00:18:59,639 where some kind of mass protest has broken out.
00:18:59,764 --> 00:19:02,851 Hundreds of men who have lost their jobs to time immigrants
00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:05,436 are here having sex with one another.
00:19:05,562 --> 00:19:08,356 These men have apparently sucked and screwed their way
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:09,524 across the state
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,192 and are now here at the time border
00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:12,819 trying to get national attention.
00:19:12,944 --> 00:19:16,072 These unemployed men have been having sex for several days.
00:19:16,197 --> 00:19:19,701 Joining me now is their spokesperson, Randy Marsh.
00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:22,954 Mr. Marsh, what exactly are you trying to accomplish?
00:19:23,079 --> 00:19:25,039 We're doing the only thing we <i>can</i> do.
00:19:25,165 --> 00:19:26,833 If our government is just gonna let
00:19:26,958 --> 00:19:28,877 anybody into our time who wants to come,
00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:31,171 then we have to take matters into our own hands.
00:19:31,296 --> 00:19:32,714 We're trying to turn everyone gay
00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:34,716 so there <i>a re</i> no future humans.
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:36,634 Present-day America, number one!
00:19:36,759 --> 00:19:37,844 Yeah, America!
00:19:37,969 --> 00:19:39,179 Took our jobs!
00:19:39,304 --> 00:19:41,973 Do you really think you can get enough people to turn gay
00:19:42,098 --> 00:19:44,100 to destroy the future of humanity?
00:19:44,225 --> 00:19:45,935 All we can do is try, Harrison.
00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:49,480 Trying to stop immigration is intolerant and ignorant!
00:19:49,606 --> 00:19:51,816 Those immigrants have a right to pursue happiness!
00:19:51,941 --> 00:19:53,943 Young man, what do you think about all this?
00:19:54,611 --> 00:19:56,613 I-I think it's wrong to call them goobacks,
00:19:56,738 --> 00:19:58,239 because they're no different from us.
00:19:58,364 --> 00:20:00,533 They're just humans trying to make their lives better.
00:20:00,658 --> 00:20:02,869 Look, it sucks that the immigrants' time is so crappy.
00:20:02,994 --> 00:20:03,995 But the cold, hard truth
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:05,830 is if we let them all come back to our time,
00:20:05,955 --> 00:20:07,874 it's just gonna make our time crappy, too.
00:20:07,999 --> 00:20:10,793 Maybe the answer isn't trying to stop the future from happening,
00:20:10,919 --> 00:20:12,879 but making the future better.
00:20:14,172 --> 00:20:15,048 Huh?
00:20:15,173 --> 00:20:16,507 Maybe if we all commit right now
00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:18,051 to working towards a better future,
00:20:18,176 --> 00:20:20,762 then the future won't be so bad and these immigrants won't need
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,388 to come back here looking for work.
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,934 Hey, he's right.
00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:29,520 If we build for a better future, the immigrants will stay there!
00:20:29,646 --> 00:20:30,897 Yeah.
00:20:31,022 --> 00:20:33,733 We've got to start working towards a brighter tomorrow.
00:20:33,858 --> 00:20:35,693 Well, what are we waiting for?
00:20:35,818 --> 00:20:38,238 [ Up-tempo folk music plays ]
00:20:39,489 --> 00:20:41,783 ♪ We've got to work for a better future ♪
00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:44,494 ♪ We've got to join hands for tomorrow ♪
00:20:44,619 --> 00:20:46,579 ♪ Take the first step and you will see ♪
00:20:46,704 --> 00:20:51,084 ♪ The future begins with you and me ♪
00:20:51,209 --> 00:20:53,294 ♪ We can start to make a difference ♪
00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:55,797 ♪ If we want it for our children ♪
00:20:55,922 --> 00:20:57,966 ♪ Recycle that can and plant that tree ♪
00:20:58,091 --> 00:21:01,177 ♪ 'Cause the future begins with you and me ♪
00:21:01,302 --> 00:21:02,595 Look! It's working!
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:05,306 ♪ The future begins with you and me ♪
00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:07,267 The immigrants are fading away!
00:21:07,392 --> 00:21:08,601 We're doing it!
00:21:08,726 --> 00:21:11,145 ♪ We've got to work for a better future ♪
00:21:11,271 --> 00:21:14,107 ♪ We've got to join hands for tomorrow ♪
00:21:14,232 --> 00:21:16,067 ♪ Take the first step and you will see the future -- ♪
00:21:16,192 --> 00:21:18,861 Dude, wait. Wait. H-Hold on. Wait a second.
00:21:18,987 --> 00:21:19,988 This is gay.
00:21:20,113 --> 00:21:21,114 This is really gay.
00:21:21,239 --> 00:21:22,907 Yeah, this is even gayer than all the men
00:21:23,032 --> 00:21:25,076 getting in a big pile and having sex with each other.
00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:26,577 Okay. Sorry. My bad.
00:21:26,703 --> 00:21:27,870 Everyone back in the pile.
00:21:27,996 --> 00:21:29,372 Back in the pile, everyone!
00:21:29,497 --> 00:21:30,873 - We're going back to the pile! - Jump in!
00:21:30,999 --> 00:21:33,042 - Come on, everybody! - We're going back to the pile!
00:21:33,167 --> 00:21:34,877 - Yeah! Come on! - Taka dur!
00:21:35,003 --> 00:21:37,171 ♪ We've got to work for a better future ♪
00:21:37,297 --> 00:21:40,008 ♪ We've got to join hands for tomorrow ♪
00:21:40,133 --> 00:21:42,051 ♪ Take the first step and you will see ♪
00:21:42,176 --> 00:21:45,680 ♪ The future begins with you and me ♪
00:21:46,639 --> 00:21:48,850 ♪ We can start to make a difference ♪
00:21:48,975 --> 00:21:51,144 ♪ If we want it for our children ♪
00:21:51,269 --> 00:21:53,438 ♪ Recycle that can and plant that tree ♪
00:21:53,563 --> 00:21:57,442 ♪ 'Cause the future begins with you and me ♪
00:21:57,567 --> 00:22:01,154 ♪ The future begins with you and me ♪

00:01:41,690 --> 00:01:42,010 Да?
00:01:42,950 --> 00:01:47,260 Привет, ма-ам. Мы тут гуляем по городу и предлагаем жителям услугу по уборке снега.
00:01:47,530 --> 00:01:49,360 Хочешь, мы очистим от снега подъезд к гаражу и тротуар?
00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:50,660 Всего за 8000 долларов.
00:01:51,460 --> 00:01:55,760 О да, я бы воспользовалась услугами маленьких снегоуборщиков, но 8000 долларов мне кажется это дороговато.
00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:57,110 Как на счет 10-ти долларов?
00:01:57,640 --> 00:02:00,510 Ooo, ма-ам, пожалуйста, не злоупотребляй своею властью над моими яйцами!
00:02:01,850 --> 00:02:02,410 10 долларов… ты берешь меня за яйца, мааам!
00:02:02,670 --> 00:02:03,870 Как на счет 15-ти?
00:02:04,180 --> 00:02:06,460 Договорились! Ребята, за работу!
00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:16,400 Ой, это так ужасно. Крег наклал в штаны когда увидел это. Да, милашка.
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:19,980 А сейчас что там происходит? О, да, это зашибенно.
00:02:21,210 --> 00:02:24,500 О, нет! Неужели! Какой облом.
00:02:26,330 --> 00:02:26,730 Чего?
00:02:27,250 --> 00:02:28,980 Ты болтаешь по телефону с тех пор как мы начали!
00:02:29,270 --> 00:02:30,010 Чувак, у меня перекур.
00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:31,820 Перекур от чего?! Ты ведь ничего не делал!
00:02:32,170 --> 00:02:33,740 Кайл, сколько раз мы это обсуждали?
00:02:33,970 --> 00:02:36,840 Я посредник. Моя задача договариваться о цене с заказчиком.
00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:38,510 Всё что ты делаешь – ты говоришь о своих яйцах!
00:02:38,870 --> 00:02:41,120 И это срабатывает, не так ли? Разве не я выбил лишние 5 баксов для нас?
00:02:41,540 --> 00:02:44,340 Если ты хочешь быть в доле, бери лопату и разгребай снег как все остальные!
00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:47,450 Эй! Не командуй здесь, гребаный жид! Я надеру тебе задницу!
00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:54,780 Мэм, у вас не найдется повязка и бинт?
00:02:55,540 --> 00:02:56,780 О, Господи, что случилось?
00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:58,410 Несчастный случай.
00:02:58,940 --> 00:03:00,230 Ой-ой… входите.
00:03:02,710 --> 00:03:03,900 Ждите здесь, я мигом.
00:03:05,610 --> 00:03:08,800 Тебе повезло, Кайл, что у меня... болит рука, А то я бы тебе врезал.
00:03:09,090 --> 00:03:10,250 Картман, просто держи свой рот закрытым.
00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:13,500 Шокирующие новости! На связи корреспондент Айрон Браун.
00:03:13,850 --> 00:03:18,330 Невероятно! Абсолютно сенсационные новости сегодня. Появился человек из будущего
00:03:18,550 --> 00:03:22,290 Он сейчас находится в правительственной больнице. После того, как он был сбит машиной.
00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:23,790 Вау.
00:03:24,470 --> 00:03:25,630 Кристина Нейлор с подробностями.
00:03:25,970 --> 00:03:30,590 Неверояно, Айрон. Эксперты и ученые уже несколько часов изучают человека из будущего
00:03:30,820 --> 00:03:33,600 удалось выяснить что он из 3045 года.
00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:37,560 Его состояние стабильно, и догадки зачем же он пришел продолжаются.
00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:39,600 Может он принес нам лекарство от рака?
00:03:39,900 --> 00:03:41,450 Или что-то исправить в будущем?
00:03:42,020 --> 00:03:46,120 Должен прервать тебя, Кристина. Вероятно, Брэд Морган, который сейчас внутри, сообщит сенсацию.
00:03:46,250 --> 00:03:46,540 Брэд?
00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:50,240 Айрон, ученым удалось войти в контакт и они выяснили, что
00:03:50,390 --> 00:03:53,310 человек из будущего, через тысячу лет, пришел в наше время чтобы
00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:55,920 найти работу. Как он сообщил,
00:03:56,070 --> 00:04:00,780 в будущем произойдет перенаселение и просто не будет всем хватать работы.
00:04:01,230 --> 00:04:02,130 Так вот он создал машину времени
00:04:02,330 --> 00:04:05,130 и переместился сюда, в 21-й век, в Америку, чтоб найти здесь работу.
00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:08,180 Это изумительно. Он сюда прилетел на работу?
00:04:08,410 --> 00:04:12,620 Так и есть, Айрон. Его план найти работу здесь,
00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:15,330 так он сможет скопить денег и положить на свой счет,
00:04:15,610 --> 00:04:19,830 И по меркам 3045 года это будут биллионы долларов,
00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:23,070 Хотя люди будущего зарабатывают только сотни долларов,
00:04:23,380 --> 00:04:25,190 но, как он говорит, этого достаточно чтоб прокормить семью.
00:04:25,330 --> 00:04:29,450 И сейчас я понимаю мы свяжемся с Гарисоном Мором Чтобы узнать как же работает машина времени.
00:04:29,850 --> 00:04:30,060 Гарисон?
00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:35,400 Айрон, я нахожусь около границы времен, которую ученые окрестили принципом Терминатора.
00:04:35,850 --> 00:04:38,150 Это значит, что существует только один путь и ты не можешь вернуться назад.
00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:41,160 Это противоречит тому что мы видели в фильме «Назад в будущее»,
00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:45,850 где можно было летать туда-сюда и конечно старое представление о машине времени теперь рухнуло.
00:04:46,260 --> 00:04:49,370 В любом случае, человек из будущего теперь останется здесь.
00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:54,320 Мам, пап! Вы видели? Нашли человека из будущего!
00:04:54,790 --> 00:04:56,130 Мы знаем, Стенли. Мы смотрим.
00:04:56,870 --> 00:05:02,750 Если вы только сейчас к нам присоединились, человек из будущего прилетел через тысячу лет на односторонней машине времени, чтобы найти работу.
00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:05,570 Президент ждет новостей в любое время суток.
00:05:05,900 --> 00:05:10,780 Чрезвычайные новости с места событий, Айрон! Кажется, только что прилетел еще один человек из будущего.
00:05:11,710 --> 00:05:18,290 Похоже, что жизнь обычного эмигранта работающего в мак-доналдсе это не так и плохо, ведь куда лучше чем жизнь людей будущего.
00:05:18,490 --> 00:05:20,090 Чего желаем и ихнем семьям.
00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:25,400 Ну вот. Готов ко сну, милый?
00:05:25,830 --> 00:05:29,540 Мам, мы можем попробовать поговорить с людьми будущего? У меня куча вопросов, которые я хотел бы задать им.
00:05:29,940 --> 00:05:34,360 Уверена, многие люди тоже хотят. Это так захватывающе, не правда ли? А сейчас давай спать.
00:05:34,690 --> 00:05:35,220 У тебя был насыщенный день.
00:05:36,290 --> 00:05:37,030 Спокойной ночи, ангелочек.
00:05:37,310 --> 00:05:37,900 Спокойной, мам.
00:05:39,930 --> 00:05:43,270 Вау… два человека из будущего. Клево.
00:06:16,990 --> 00:06:17,340 Да?
00:06:18,100 --> 00:06:20,340 Здрасте, мисс Лендис. Не желаете сегодня снова воспользоваться услугой уборки снега?
00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:25,210 О- о, извините мальчики, но я уже наняла других для этого.
00:06:25,630 --> 00:06:26,330 Что? Кого же?
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:30,140 Одного из тех эмигрантов из будущего. Он сказал что сделает это за 25 центов.
00:06:30,610 --> 00:06:32,460 25 центов? Это же ерунда.
00:06:33,330 --> 00:06:34,860 Ладно, мужики. Пошли в следующий дом.
00:06:37,210 --> 00:06:37,630 Нифига себе.
00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:44,330 Сукины дети!
00:06:45,130 --> 00:06:48,140 Сегодня еще больше эмигрантов из будущего прибыло на машине времени,
00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:50,950 некоторые даже целыми семьями. Нечто
00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:55,920 бугристое и липкое на их телах после прилета – это эктоплазмический эффект после путешествия во времени.
00:06:56,420 --> 00:07:00,630 Это хороший шанс для ученых узнать кое-что о жизни американцев в будущем.
00:07:02,010 --> 00:07:02,375 Крис Хольт к нам присоединяется. Крис?
00:07:02,410 --> 00:07:02,660 Да, удивительные вещи мы узнаем о будущих американцах Крис Хольт к нам присоединяется. Крис?
00:07:02,695 --> 00:07:05,930 Да, удивительные вещи мы узнаем о будущих американцах
00:07:06,180 --> 00:07:07,710 Айрон. Судя по всему, в будущем
00:07:08,150 --> 00:07:12,150 американцы эволюционировали в безволосых людей одинаково цвета кожи с остальными расами.
00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:16,480 Они все одного цвета, что-то среднее между желтым, светло-коричневым и белым.
00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:19,640 Похоже, в будущем исчезнет понятие раса,
00:07:19,870 --> 00:07:25,080 из-за того, что представители всех рас просто смешались в одну. Но самое интересное какой эффект это произвело на их язык.
00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:28,700 Люди в будущем говорят на смеси всех языков: английским,
00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:32,960 китайском, турецком и остальными зыками мира. И в результате это звучит примерно так:
00:07:35,150 --> 00:07:36,120 Слово вам, Айрон.
00:07:36,460 --> 00:07:39,770 Несомненно люди будущего имеют хороший шанс найти работу.
00:07:40,140 --> 00:07:41,790 Ведь они просят маленький заработок
00:07:42,090 --> 00:07:43,860 И они нанимаются по всей Америке.
00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:48,040 Что за дерьмо! Мы так не договаривались!
00:07:48,300 --> 00:07:53,070 Народ, меня зовут Дерил Ветерс и я на стороне Союза Рабочих.
00:07:53,610 --> 00:07:56,450 Мы также вкалываем как и многие другие люди чтобы прокормить свои семьи.
00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:58,960 Не знаю как вы, но мы работали долго
00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:02,180 и тяжело чтобы добиться заработков, которые обеспечивали бы достойный уровень жизни.
00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:08,290 А сейчас эти люди из будущего приперлись делать ту же работу за ничего!
00:08:08,890 --> 00:08:09,910 Они забрали нашу работу!
00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:17,450 Вот мы строители… 15 лет пахали на своих жопах!
00:08:17,790 --> 00:08:20,430 И что сейчас? Люди будущего прилетели и мы нигде не можем найти работу!
00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:22,360 Они забрали нашу работу!
00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:23,490 Они забрали нашу работу!
00:08:25,570 --> 00:08:31,400 А у нас в сфере быстрого питания?! Рестораны нас поуволняли, потому что люди из будущего работают за меньшее!
00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:33,470 Они забрали нашу работу!
00:08:33,970 --> 00:08:35,600 Они забрали нашу работу!
00:08:38,110 --> 00:08:41,210 Это коснулось и детей! Я и многие мои друзья начинали свой бизнес с уборки снега.
00:08:41,580 --> 00:08:43,080 Мы пытались делать благо и получать за это деньги,
00:08:43,310 --> 00:08:46,290 не так ли? Но эти люди пришли мы остались за ни с чем!
00:08:48,930 --> 00:08:50,590 ? А, ну да… Они забрали нашу работу!
00:08:50,900 --> 00:08:52,090 Они забрали нашу работу! Они забрали нашу работу!
00:09:26,350 --> 00:09:28,800 Стенли, где ты был? Уже почти 8 часов.
00:09:29,330 --> 00:09:32,190 Я был на митинге против эмигрантов из будущего, которые пришли и пытаются – Хряп-хряп
00:09:33,350 --> 00:09:36,440 Ах, да, стиральная машина внизу в подвале и наш сын вернулся домой.
00:09:36,620 --> 00:09:37,730 Пожалуйста накрой стол для ужина.
00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:40,820 Это еще кто?
00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:42,880 Это наша домработница Мисс ГРУМНД.
00:09:43,230 --> 00:09:45,380 Она будет помогать нам по дому по вторникам и четвергам.
00:09:45,980 --> 00:09:47,360 И она делает это за 10 центов в час:)
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:50,490 В этом и проблема! Эти желтожопые забирают у людей работу!
00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:51,590 Что?
00:09:51,910 --> 00:09:52,580 О, Боже мой!
00:09:53,150 --> 00:09:56,160 Стен Марш, как ты можешь такое говорить?!
00:09:56,660 --> 00:09:57,720 Кто тебя этому научил?!
00:09:58,380 --> 00:09:59,930 Ну, типо они отнимают у людей их работу.
00:10:00,450 --> 00:10:03,730 Они всего лишь выполняют небольшие прислужливые работы, за которую в действительности никто не хочет браться.
00:10:04,130 --> 00:10:05,000 Я хотел мою работу!
00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:09,830 Слушай, Стенли, ты должен кое-что понять: Эти люди из будущего вынуждены жить очень тяжело!
00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:13,080 Поэтому они пришли сюда из грязного, перенаселенного мира!
00:10:13,560 --> 00:10:18,000 Ты даже не можешь представить от какой депрессии они избавились! И мы, у которых все так хорошо,
00:10:18,250 --> 00:10:20,200 не имеем права их осуждать! Понимаешь?
00:10:20,990 --> 00:10:22,700 В следующий раз подумай прежде чем назвать их желтожопыми,
00:10:23,110 --> 00:10:26,500 задумайся как на самом деле погано будущее!
00:10:26,980 --> 00:10:29,680 Правильно! Мы не воспитывали нашего сына быть вульгарным времяненавистником.
00:10:30,070 --> 00:10:30,800 Времяненавистником?
00:10:31,190 --> 00:10:32,930 Как бы расистом, но по отношению к…
00:10:33,130 --> 00:10:34,100 Людям из будущего. - Именно!
00:10:34,420 --> 00:10:38,330 Вот и чудненько. А теперь все пойдем к Мисс Грумнд. К великолепному кулинару будущего.
00:10:39,340 --> 00:10:42,630 А сейчас теледебаты в прямом эфире
00:10:43,030 --> 00:10:48,420 Приветствуем всех. Итак.. мы поговорим об эмигрантах их будущего
00:10:48,790 --> 00:10:49,220 итак...
00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:53,330 Сегодня многие наши сограждане более чем рады протянуть руку помощи тем, кто в этом остро нуждается
00:10:53,550 --> 00:10:53,960 итак...
00:10:54,370 --> 00:10:57,470 Но есть и такие, кто начинает говорить о закрытии машины времени.
00:10:57,950 --> 00:10:58,450 итак...
00:10:58,870 --> 00:11:01,790 А сейчас я представляю вам наших гостей, которые имеют разный взгляд на проблему.
00:11:03,650 --> 00:11:05,620 Справа от меня представитель союза задроченых белых батраков
00:11:06,150 --> 00:11:07,080 Спасибо что позвали, Билл!
00:11:07,610 --> 00:11:10,460 И слева от меня представитель либеральной партии закоренелых хиппи.
00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:11,330 Здрасте.
00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:15,820 Что же, задроченые батраки, вы говорите, мы не должны больше никто пропускать через машину времени,
00:11:16,070 --> 00:11:16,300 Не так ли?
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:23,530 Вы чертовски правы! Эти люди из будущего отнимают всю работу у нас – сегодняшних американцев!
00:11:24,130 --> 00:11:26,120 Они забрали нашу работу!
00:11:26,550 --> 00:11:27,960 Они забрали нашу работу!
00:11:28,780 --> 00:11:31,300 Эта работа принадлежит людям нашего времени!
00:11:31,700 --> 00:11:34,400 Понятно. А что вы скажете в ответ, хиппи – либерал?
00:11:34,950 --> 00:11:38,880 Ы.. ну это типично для консервативных батраков как этот относится к эмигрантам как к проблеме
00:11:39,230 --> 00:11:39,940 Ы.. но в действительности
00:11:40,140 --> 00:11:45,310 проблема – это Америка. И жадные многонациональные корпорации, которые держат всех в нищете.
00:11:45,590 --> 00:11:49,660 Наши предки пришли в Америку как эмигранты. Так какое право мы имеем высылать этих людей обратно?
00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:51,740 Так… Ваши возражения, Ботрак?
00:11:54,230 --> 00:11:56,090 Они забрали нашу работу!
00:11:56,560 --> 00:11:58,000 Они забрали нашу работу!
00:11:58,490 --> 00:11:59,940 Забрали работу!
00:12:03,380 --> 00:12:09,380 Итак, дети, школьный совет постановил, что теперь я должен учить вас на обоих языках: современном английском и языке будущего
00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:10,850 Что?!
00:12:11,420 --> 00:12:16,500 И основываясь на этом, продолжаем наш урок по глаголам. Помните, что существуют транзитивные глаголы такие как
00:12:17,020 --> 00:12:21,540 "Мальчик бросил красный мяч," что на будущеанглийском кончено будет: "Хрюк-глюк".
00:12:23,950 --> 00:12:24,660 Все повторяют за мной? – "Хрюк-глюк ".
00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:33,160 Ну а сейчас не переходные глаголы, такие как
00:12:33,810 --> 00:12:40,620 "Автобус на 11:15 из Денвера опаздал на 12 часов" или на будущеанглийском: "Ававаф"
00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:42,530 "Ававаф "
00:12:43,550 --> 00:12:47,690 Ну все, хватит! Что за маразм! Если они хотят жить в нашем времени, они должны учить наш язык!
00:12:48,050 --> 00:12:48,500 Да!
00:12:48,940 --> 00:12:49,260 Правильно!
00:12:49,670 --> 00:12:54,270 Ну уж нет! Эти эмигранты имеют право сохранить свою культуру. Кто мы такие чтоб утверждать что наш язык лучший?
00:12:54,670 --> 00:12:57,310 Они имеют право получать такое же образование как и вы.
00:12:57,830 --> 00:12:59,500 Спасибо, хиппи.
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:01,450 Молодец. Продолжай.
00:13:02,410 --> 00:13:03,440 Тиммииии!
00:13:03,630 --> 00:13:06,550 Ну что же, продолжим. Какого вида этот глагол?
00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:13,500 "Несчастная девочка засовывает яйца себе в рот". Или на будущеанглийском "Вап вап яйца вап вап".
00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:15,650 Что за дерьмо!
00:13:18,130 --> 00:13:21,830 Слушайте все! Мы только что получили ответ от нашего конгрессмена.
00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:28,010 "Дорогие нетерпимые батраки, мы сочувствуем вам связи с потерей работы.
00:13:28,530 --> 00:13:30,520 Однако мы полагаем, что ваше предложение
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:34,530 стрелять по всем кто выйдет из машины времени не очень гуманно".
00:13:35,220 --> 00:13:35,620 Что?
00:13:35,830 --> 00:13:36,470 Это нелепо!
00:13:37,370 --> 00:13:37,650 Они не могут так поступить!
00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:38,500 Это была хорошая идея!
00:13:38,860 --> 00:13:44,370 Итак, получается, что правительство не хочет нам помочь! Это значит, мы должны взять дело в свои руки!
00:13:44,660 --> 00:13:50,010 Есть только один способ остановить людей из будущего – не допустить самого будущего!
00:13:50,410 --> 00:13:56,490 Точно! Если не будет будущего, значит и не будет и людей из будущего, которые будут забирать нашу работу!
00:13:56,940 --> 00:13:58,000 Забрали работу!
00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:03,320 Итак, какие будут идеи как нам избавится от будущего?
00:14:06,110 --> 00:14:14,670 Что если мы спровоцируем глобальное потепление? В будущем это вызовет таяние ледников и наступит новый ледниковый период.
00:14:18,030 --> 00:14:21,480 Как глобальное потепление вызовет ледниковый период?!
00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:27,030 Ты че не знаешь что глобальное потепление даст изменение климата или что-то вроде того?
00:14:27,370 --> 00:14:31,900 Черт, ты же е**нутый дятел! Ты знал об этом?! Даже если глобальное потепление реально,
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:34,780 (что по данным ученых вообще-то невозможно)
00:14:35,180 --> 00:14:41,290 изменение климата происходит за миллионы лет! Или ты думаешь ледниковый период настанет внезапно?
00:14:41,690 --> 00:14:43,440 Ну я только пытался быть полезным.
00:14:43,850 --> 00:14:47,840 Помоги лучше себе, кретин, взяв в руки книжку, потому что ты поносишь как тупорылое чмо!
00:14:48,420 --> 00:14:51,630 Народ, ну давайте же думать! Черт подери, они же забрали нашу работу!
00:14:52,220 --> 00:14:53,190 Они забрали нашу работу!
00:15:25,860 --> 00:15:26,330 Блин...
00:15:27,870 --> 00:15:28,850 Гав-гав?
00:15:29,570 --> 00:15:31,120 Не могли бы вы говорить на современном английском?
00:15:32,300 --> 00:15:35,090 О- а, да... Чем могу быть… полезен?
00:15:36,220 --> 00:15:38,300 Да, будьте добры двойной чисбургер и фри.
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:41,460 Бутерброд с курицей?
00:15:42,690 --> 00:15:44,760 Нет, двойной чисбургер и фри!
00:15:45,670 --> 00:15:46,330 А хприп фри?
00:15:46,700 --> 00:15:47,030 Что?!
00:15:47,590 --> 00:15:48,020 А хприп фри?
00:15:48,430 --> 00:15:49,560 Мы тебя не понимаем, говнюк!
00:15:55,210 --> 00:15:55,600 Чем могу помочь?
00:15:56,630 --> 00:15:58,250 Я пытаюсь заказать двойной чисбургер!
00:15:59,470 --> 00:16:00,570 Пожалуйста, вот бутерброд с курицей.
00:16:01,620 --> 00:16:03,320 Нет! Не бутерброд с курицей!
00:16:03,340 --> 00:16:07,660 Я хочу чертовый чисбургер и немного чертовой картошки фри, вы гребаные желтожопые твари!
00:16:08,460 --> 00:16:10,120 Стэн Марш!
00:16:10,820 --> 00:16:12,060 О- о…
00:16:14,350 --> 00:16:18,240 Ну же… думайте, мужики! Как нам остановить этих эмигрантов и вернуть наши рабочие места!
00:16:18,890 --> 00:16:25,290 Во, у меня идея. Что если мы все снимем с себя свою одежду и свалимся вместе большую кучу, а потом мы вместе станем геями.
00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:29,500 Ты сказал "станем геями"?
00:16:30,580 --> 00:16:32,910 Мда. А че… это не плохая идея!
00:16:33,580 --> 00:16:34,360 Какая? Стать геями?
00:16:35,340 --> 00:16:39,660 Подумайте: Есть люди из будущего, так? Ну а если мы всех превратим в педерастов,
00:16:40,030 --> 00:16:42,050 то не будут рождаться дети.
00:16:42,420 --> 00:16:45,250 Люди из будущего просто не будут существовать и никто не заберет у нас нашу работу!
00:16:47,050 --> 00:16:47,950 Я не собираюсь становиться педиком.
00:16:48,650 --> 00:16:52,770 Ты должен, Джимбо, или мы не сможем их остановить! Давай, Джимбо!
00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:54,390 Они забрали нашу работу!
00:16:55,010 --> 00:16:55,730 Забрали работу!
00:16:56,340 --> 00:17:03,020 Идемте в ту часть города где поселились люди будущего и начинаем совокупляться пока они не исчезнут!
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:03,760 Пошли!
00:17:06,100 --> 00:17:08,440 Идемте! Вы хотите вернуть работу или нет?!
00:17:19,490 --> 00:17:25,490 Ну что, будущие ублюдки! Думаете вы забрали нашу работу?! Ща мы вам покажем! Иди ко мне, Эрл!
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:30,140 Как тебе это это, желтожопый?!
00:17:33,730 --> 00:17:34,420 Ну давайте же, ребята!
00:17:41,270 --> 00:17:46,440 Все кто верит в Америку присоединяйтесь к нам! Мы сделаем этих будущих недоносков несуществующими!
00:17:51,370 --> 00:17:53,400 Но папа! Почему я должен идти с тобой на работу?
00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:57,990 Потому что ты наказан, Стенли! А сейчас я не хочу слышать ни одного слова из твоего невыносимого рта.
00:17:59,920 --> 00:18:02,320 Сядь здесь, Стенли, и подумай о том, что ты сделал!
00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:07,240 Все копировальная техника и принтеры находятся в соседней комнате, а также…
00:18:07,510 --> 00:18:07,990 О, мистер Нельсон.
00:18:08,570 --> 00:18:11,700 Ренди? Удивлен видеть тебя тут.
00:18:12,070 --> 00:18:12,910 Почему это? Это ведь мой кабинет.
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:20,350 Дружище, разве ты не получал мое сообщение? Как неловко получилось. Понимаешь, мы нашли тебе замену.
00:18:21,110 --> 00:18:21,490 Как это?
00:18:21,930 --> 00:18:25,320 Ну мы нашли эмигранта из будущего, который знает геологию и он предложил работать для начала бесплатно.
00:18:25,890 --> 00:18:27,400 Вот кстати и сам мистер Хряп-вап.
00:18:28,130 --> 00:18:28,780 Збрд…. здрасте.
00:18:29,870 --> 00:18:30,640 Это не серьезно.
00:18:31,420 --> 00:18:35,970 Извини, Ренди. Мы всего лишь улучшаем бюджет и все. Мы дадим тебе время собрать свои вещи со стола.
00:18:36,730 --> 00:18:40,000 Сюда, мистер Хряп-вап, я покажу вам кабинет где мы копируем документы.
00:18:43,020 --> 00:18:47,010 Боже мой! Они забрали мою работу!
00:18:47,530 --> 00:18:48,530 Забрали работу!
00:18:49,650 --> 00:18:50,550 Вы смотрите CNN.
00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:54,605 Сенсация на границе времен. В прямом эфире Гарисон Мор.
00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:54,650 Айрон, я нахожусь недалеко от машины времени и здесь проходят массовые протесты. Сенсация на границе времен. В прямом эфире Гарисон Мор.
00:18:54,685 --> 00:18:59,580 Айрон, я нахожусь недалеко от машины времени и здесь проходят массовые протесты.
00:19:00,110 --> 00:19:05,390 Сотни мужчин, которые потеряли работу из-за временных эмигрантов, занимаются сексом друг с другом.
00:19:06,150 --> 00:19:09,410 Очевидно, эти мужчины здесь у границы времен сосут друг у друга и долбятся в попец
00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:12,710 чтобы привлечь внимание.
00:19:13,370 --> 00:19:19,250 Эти безработные уже несколько дней подряд сношаются. Ко мне присоединяется их представитель Ренди Марш.
00:19:20,370 --> 00:19:22,600 Мистер Марш, чего конкретно вы добиваетесь?
00:19:23,230 --> 00:19:28,920 Мы делаем только то что в наших силах. Если наше правительство собирается пускать подряд всех желающих в наше время,
00:19:29,350 --> 00:19:31,080 то мы берем дело в свои руки.
00:19:31,730 --> 00:19:36,700 Мы собираемся превратить всех в геев и таким образом избавиться от будущих людей. Сегодняшняя Америка прежде всего!
00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:37,910 Да здравствует Америка!
00:19:38,370 --> 00:19:39,160 Работу забрали!
00:19:39,930 --> 00:19:44,140 Вы в серьез рассчитываете привлечь столько людей чтобы уничтожить будущее человечество?
00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:45,990 Все что мы делаем - это попытка, Гарисон.
00:19:46,460 --> 00:19:52,060 Попытка остановить эмиграцию это неодобрительно и невежественно. Эти эмигранты имеют право на собственное счастье.
00:19:52,310 --> 00:19:53,970 Молодой человек, а вы что думаете о происходящем?
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:58,100 Я думаю, это неправильно называть их желтожопыми, потому что они не отличаются от нас.
00:19:58,710 --> 00:20:04,445 Они всего лишь люди, пытающиеся наладить свою жизнь. Конечно это фигово, что их время такое отстойное,
00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:04,830 но горькая правда как раз в том, что если мы примем их всех в наше время, Они всего лишь люди, пытающиеся наладить свою жизнь. Конечно это фигово, что их время такое отстойное,
00:20:04,865 --> 00:20:06,090 но горькая правда как раз в том, что если мы примем их всех в наше время,
00:20:06,220 --> 00:20:10,700 то мы его тоже засрем. Может быть решение не в том, чтобы предотвратить будущее,
00:20:11,020 --> 00:20:12,480 а сделать его лучше.
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:14,740 Хм?
00:20:15,340 --> 00:20:18,070 Я имею в виду, что если мы сплотимся и попробуем как-то улучшить будущее,
00:20:18,310 --> 00:20:19,780 то оно не будет таким плохим
00:20:20,030 --> 00:20:22,160 и никаким эмигрантам из будущего не захочется сюда перемещаться.
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:29,470 Эй. Он прав. Если мы построим лучшее будущее, эмигранты не останутся здесь.
00:20:30,170 --> 00:20:33,720 Да. Мы должны начать работать над хорошим завтрашним днем.
00:20:34,130 --> 00:20:35,370 Чего же мы ждем?
00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:44,260 Нам надо сплотиться чтобы улучшить завтрашний день.
00:20:44,860 --> 00:20:49,170 …Сделай первый шаг и смотри. Прекрасное будущее нас ждет впереди…
00:20:51,450 --> 00:20:55,970 …И если мы счастья потомкам хотим Давайте ресурсы Земли сохраним…
00:20:56,220 --> 00:21:01,050 …Делай добро и сил не жалей Завтра наступит радужный день…
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:02,800 Смотри, сработало!
00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:05,660 …завтра наступит радужный день…
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:07,280 Эмигранты исчезают!
00:21:07,790 --> 00:21:08,300 Мы это сделали!
00:21:09,750 --> 00:21:14,020 ...Все будет прекрасно, отлично и класно! Ведь завтра наступит радужный день…
00:21:14,490 --> 00:21:17,150 …Сегодня сделай первый шаг и получишь завтра море благ-
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:19,160 Чуваки, погодите, угомонитеcь. Секундочку!
00:21:19,460 --> 00:21:19,880 Меня зае**ло.
00:21:20,310 --> 00:21:21,180 В натуре зае*ало уже!
00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:24,990 Да блин, это заяб*вает сильнее, чем все эти дядьки друг-друга в той куче. Помните?
00:21:25,610 --> 00:21:27,780 Да, классная была кучка.
00:21:28,230 --> 00:21:29,620 Давай все в кучу снова!
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:30,930 Назад в кучу!
00:21:31,360 --> 00:21:31,750 Наваливайся!
00:21:31,980 --> 00:21:32,450 Давай, давай!
00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:33,580 Все фигня. Мы идем назад в кучу!
00:21:33,910 --> 00:21:34,860 Работу забрали!
00:21:37,900 --> 00:21:39,900 WilLoW:- ) January 24th, 2005
00:21:40,100 --> 00:21:44,900 Перевод на русский язык: Щукин Максим <mupa@mail. ru> 21 февраля 2005

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