Завязывай

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♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:15,641

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

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♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

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♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:20,855 --> 00:00:22,398

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

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♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:28,946

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

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♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

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M'kay, kids.

Can I have it quiet, please?

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M'kay.

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M'kay. Quiet now.

The assembly is about to start.

00:00:44,253 --> 00:00:45,755

M'kay.

00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:48,841

Uh, quiet, m-m'kay.

00:00:53,054 --> 00:00:54,513

Okay.

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Uh, now, kids, we have a really

fun motivational group today

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who are gonna talk to you

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about the dangers of smoking,

m'kay.

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So please give a very big

South Park Cows welcome to...

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Butt Out!

00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:10,738

Whoo-hoo!

- All right!

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Get those hands up!

00:01:12,448 --> 00:01:14,116

Get those hands up!

- Come on!

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Clap!

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♪ Butt out, yeah, yeah ♪

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♪ Give that cigarette butt

a throw ♪

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♪ Butt out, uh-huh ♪

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♪ Smoking's got to go ♪

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Oh, no.

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Yeah!

- All right! Whoo!

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Hey, students!

How are we all feeling today?

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Whoo!

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Hey, did you guys know

that each year

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over 600,000 people a year

die from smoking...a year?

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600,000?

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Are you sure

you're not just blowing smoke?

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Blow smoke? Us?

No way!

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Because we don't

need to smoke --

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and neither do you, right, kids?

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Butt out!

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Break it down!

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♪ Butt out, yeah, yeah ♪

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♪ It's cool to say no ♪

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♪ Butt out, uh-huh ♪

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♪ Smoking's got to go ♪

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♪ Smokin', no ♪

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♪ No smokin' ♪

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Freestyle!

00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:07,837

Vernon!

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♪ Tick-tock, tick-tock,

tick-tick tick ♪

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♪ Don't smoke,

don't ever smoke ♪

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Kyle!

- Kyle!

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♪ B to the U to the T to the T

to the... ♪

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Dude, this is unbearable.

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I'm going to kill myself.

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♪...R to the E to the T

to the T to the E ♪

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♪ Butt out, cigarette! ♪

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- Randy!

- Randy!

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♪ Smoke, you know,

has got to go ♪

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♪ You go -- you got to know

to say the no... ♪

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Pam!

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Do-o-o-n't smo-o-o-ke!

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Whoo-hoo!

- All right!

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You guys,

Kenny's eating his own hand.

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Hey, what's the big deal?

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I like smoking,

and it makes me cool.

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Oh, really?

00:02:44,206 --> 00:02:46,125

Do you think lung cancer

is cool, too?

00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:48,127

What about emphysema?

Is that cool?

00:02:48,252 --> 00:02:50,087

And what about abortion

and AIDS?

00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:52,214

Pfft. That's nones the cool.

- Word.

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Yeah, so butt out.

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♪ Butt out, yeah, yeah ♪

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♪ Give that cigarette butt

a throw... ♪

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Oh, Jesus Christ.

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♪ Smoking's got to go ♪

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Remember, kids, if you smoke,

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you could grow up

to be a failure.

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Worse yet,

you could grow up to be dead!

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So don't believe what those evil

tobacco companies tell you.

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Yeah, because if you don't

smoke, you can grow up to be...

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Just like us!

00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:21,994

Here. Give me another one.

00:03:22,119 --> 00:03:23,621

Oh, dude, this is really hard.

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Oh, shit.

Here comes Mr. Mackey!

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Throw 'em away!

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Dude, here he co--

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Got to stop coughing.

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Boys, what are you doing

back here?

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I asked you a question.

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What are you doing

back here, m'kay?

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Nubbi'.

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What?

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Nubbi' -- Nu--

Nubb--

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Aah! Sick!

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Gross, dude!

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Well, hey,

if I didn't know any better,

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I'd think you boys

had been smoking!

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No.

No, Mr. Mackey.

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We don't have any cigarettes.

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Well, you'd better not.

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Because let me tell you

something about smoking.

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Uh, smoking's bad, m'kay.

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And, uh, if you start smoking

at an early age, m'kay,

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I-it's gonna be bad.

00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:19,843

M'kay?

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Because, uh, smoking can lead to

all kinds of health problems,

00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:23,973

like cancer.

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M'kay, and let me tell you

something about cancer, m'kay.

00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:29,436

Uh, cancer's bad.

M'kay?

00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:32,439

And, uh -- What --

What the...

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Holy shit, m'kay!

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Aah!

Jesus Christ!

00:04:45,828 --> 00:04:46,829

Whoops.

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Well, you boys have

certainly done it this time!

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We're sorry.

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Not as sorry

as you're going to be

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when your parents get here --

Ah. Here they come now.

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Oh, God.

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Come on in.

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Stanley, what did you do

this time?

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You'd better brace yourselves,

parents.

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The boys were caught...smoking.

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Smoking?!

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No.

It can't be.

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My son is not a filthy smoker.

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Mom...Dad, it was just --

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I don't have a son!

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Eric! You've done a lot of

horrible things in your life.

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But smoking?

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You're grounded for three weeks.

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Three weeks?

Are you fucking kidding me?

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Haven't you boys heard anything

about how harmful smoking is

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to you and those around you?

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Of course they haven't,

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because the tobacco companies

have gotten to them first.

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This is really their fault.

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Yeah!

This is really their fault.

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No matter how much money

the antismoking groups spend,

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the tobacco companies are there

to fill our children's heads

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with lies and propaganda

that make them want to smoke.

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Yeah, huh?

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It's like the tobacco companies

have control of my mind.

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No. Must fight it.

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Tobacco companies making me

want to smoke.

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Oh, my goodness.

I had no idea.

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Are you okay, sweetie?

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Well, those Goddamn

tobacco companies

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aren't gonna have control

over my kid!

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I say we bring them down!

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We need the help of the greatest

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antismoking celebrity

that ever lived -- Rob Reiner.

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Who's Rob Reiner?

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I don't understand it.

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I pushed a law for higher taxes

on cigarettes.

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I lobbied to get images

of cigarettes

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removed from movies and art.

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I forced smokers out of bars

and parks.

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But still I get letters

from parents

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saying their kids are doing it.

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Apparently,

people still don't understand

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how bad smoking is for them.

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Don't they know how dangerous

it is to their health?

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Don't they know the hazard

of secondhand smoke?

00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:43,737

According to the letter, sir,

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the town has a tobacco company

quite near them.

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Yeah.

That must be it.

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The tobacco companies,

with their millions of dollars

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and their slick desks

and fancy buildings --

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They're the ones

making children want to smoke.

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They're the ones hurting

our nation's health.

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I will not stand by

and see the children of America

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corrupted by those bastards!

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This is war!

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You guys, maybe we should

come clean right now

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and tell everyone it wasn't

the tobacco companies

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that made us want to smoke.

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What?

- Why? It's perfect.

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If everyone's blaming

the tobacco companies,

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then nobody's blaming us.

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Yeah.

What's the problem?

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It's just that this seems like

another one of those times

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when things are gonna get

way out of hand.

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It's been happening a lot

lately.

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How about this time we just

put a stop to it right now?

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You don't want to be grounded

for three weeks, do you?

00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:31,827

Yeah. Don't worry, dude.

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Things aren't gonna

get out of hand.

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Here he comes!

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Damn it.

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Butter!

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Butter!

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What'd he say?

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Butter!

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Hello, South Park!

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It is so nice to see

an entire town come together

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to fight for good health.

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And I'm gonna help you!

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These poor, innocent children

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have been seduced

into smoking tobacco.

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So I say we fight fire

with fire!

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We're gonna use these children

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to bring the tobacco company

down!

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Oh, no.

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All right, kids.

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Here's what we're gonna do.

00:08:53,617 --> 00:08:55,536

We're gonna sneak you

into the tobacco company

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by saying you kids want a tour

for a school paper.

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Once you're inside, I'm gonna --

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I'm gonna take photos,

and then we'll publish them,

00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:06,713

saying that the tobacco company

invited you over

00:09:06,838 --> 00:09:08,340

to seduce you into smoking.

00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:10,050

Got it?

- Got it!

00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:13,011

But...isn't that kind of lying?

00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:15,931

We're just leveling

out the playing field.

00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:19,059

The tobacco companies lie to you

about the dangers of smoking.

00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:22,521

If we're gonna take them down,

we've got to lie right back.

00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:31,989

Oh my God!

00:09:38,704 --> 00:09:40,163

Excuse me!

00:09:40,289 --> 00:09:41,748

Yes?

00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:44,459

Would you mind putting

that death stick out?

00:09:44,585 --> 00:09:46,295

But, uh, this is a bar.

00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:48,589

Isn't smoking illegal

in bars here?

00:09:48,714 --> 00:09:50,132

Not in Colorado.

00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:51,091

Oh, my God!

00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:53,594

What kind of backward hick state

is this?

00:09:53,719 --> 00:09:56,305

Look, man, I work 14 hours a day

at the sawmill.

00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:58,515

I just got off work,

and I need to relax.

00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,935

Well, when I relax, I just go

to my vacation house in Hawaii.

00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:04,354

I ain't got a vacation house

in Hawaii.

00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:07,774

Y-Your vacation house in Mexico,

then -- whatever it is!

00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:11,653

Look, you are putting my life

and these boys' lives in danger

00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:12,988

by smoking that in here.

00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:15,157

And I am not gonna tolerate it!

00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:17,951

I will end smoking in bars

in Colorado.

00:10:18,076 --> 00:10:20,829

There will be no more smoking!

00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:23,123

Isn't he awesome, you guys?

- What?

00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:25,459

Dude, he just goes around

imposing his will on people.

00:10:25,584 --> 00:10:26,877

He's my idol.

00:10:30,005 --> 00:10:31,006

All right, boys.

00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,382

Just do what I tell you,

00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:35,927

and we'll be able to sue this

tobacco company for $2 billion.

00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:38,221

As soon as we get

into the main facility,

00:10:38,347 --> 00:10:41,099

I'll snap the photo of you kids,

and we can all run out.

00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:43,268

Think you can handle it?

- Handle it?

00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:46,021

For $2 billion, I'd handle

my grandpa's balls, sir.

00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:47,356

All right.

Great.

00:10:47,481 --> 00:10:49,358

Okay.

Now watch yourselves, kids.

00:10:49,483 --> 00:10:51,902

These tobacco-company people

will do anything

00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:53,487

to get you hooked on smoking.

00:10:53,612 --> 00:10:56,323

They are liars,

and they are frauds.

00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:58,450

Can I help you?

00:10:58,575 --> 00:11:01,536

Yes. My name is Rita Poon.

00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:04,247

I called about my boys

wanting a tour.

00:11:04,373 --> 00:11:05,624

Ah, yes, Mrs. Poon.

00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:06,750

My name's Kevin Harris,

00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:08,835

and I'm the vice president

of Big Tobacco.

00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,254

Well, hello, Mr. Harris.

00:11:11,380 --> 00:11:12,673

Well, come on in.

00:11:12,798 --> 00:11:14,675

How about a little history

first?

00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,803

Native Americans were the first

to cultivate the tobacco plant.

00:11:17,928 --> 00:11:19,054

They smoked it in pipes

00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:21,223

for medicinal

and ceremonial purposes.

00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:23,725

Not if I were around,

they wouldn't have.

00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:24,601

Excuse me?

00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:26,478

Oh, nothing!

Please continue.

00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:28,230

The first successful

commercial crop of tobacco

00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:30,565

was cultivated in Virginia

in 1612.

00:11:30,691 --> 00:11:31,566

Within seven years,

00:11:31,692 --> 00:11:33,694

it was one of the country's

largest exports.

00:11:33,819 --> 00:11:35,821

So tobacco helped to build

America.

00:11:35,946 --> 00:11:36,863

That's right.

00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:38,281

Over the next few centuries,

00:11:38,407 --> 00:11:39,950

the tobacco business

was so great

00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:41,284

that many slaves were brought

from Africa

00:11:41,410 --> 00:11:42,703

to help work the fields.

00:11:42,828 --> 00:11:44,705

Which means

if it weren't for tobacco,

00:11:44,830 --> 00:11:47,082

many of our black friends

wouldn't be here today.

00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:50,168

And so for centuries,

tobacco production flourished.

00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:52,504

Nobody was even aware

of any dangers back then,

00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:55,757

until, in 1965,

when Congress passed an act

00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:57,092

forcing all tobacco companies

00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,469

to put the Surgeon General's

warning on their packages.

00:11:59,594 --> 00:12:01,972

So now everyone knows

the dangers of smoking,

00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:03,807

and some people

still choose to do it,

00:12:03,932 --> 00:12:06,768

and we believe that's what

being an American is all about.

00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:08,603

That sounds

perfectly reasonable.

00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:10,480

And here's our factory at work.

00:12:12,858 --> 00:12:15,944

♪ With a hide-e-lie-dee-lie-dee

and a hide-e-lie-dee-lay ♪

00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,780

♪ We work and we make cigarettes

all hide-e-lie-dee day ♪

00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:19,948

♪ So folks can get a break-ee ♪

00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:21,408

♪ From their stressful

lie-dee lives ♪

00:12:21,533 --> 00:12:22,951

♪ And relax-ee

with the cigarettes ♪

00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,995

♪ We make all day and night ♪

00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:27,748

♪ I like to have a cigarette

every now and then ♪

00:12:27,873 --> 00:12:30,542

♪ It makes me feel calmer

when the day is at an end ♪

00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:33,295

♪ And if it gives me cancer

when I'm 80, I don't care ♪

00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:36,214

♪ Who the hell wants to be 90

anyway? ♪

00:12:36,339 --> 00:12:37,716

♪ So with

a hide-e-lie-dee-lie-dee ♪

00:12:37,841 --> 00:12:39,301

♪ And a hide-e-lie-dee-lay ♪

00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:42,179

♪ We work and we make cigarettes

all hide-e-lie-dee day ♪

00:12:42,304 --> 00:12:43,305

♪ So folks can get a break-ee ♪

00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,681

♪ From their stressful

lie-dee lives ♪

00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:46,308

♪ And relax-ee

with the cigarettes ♪

00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:48,518

♪ We make all day and night ♪

00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:50,645

Well, I guess that's the end

of our tour.

00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:53,523

Oh. Here, boys.

Let me get your picture.

00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,276

Got it!

Ha!

00:12:56,401 --> 00:12:58,361

You bastards are going down now!

00:12:58,487 --> 00:13:00,405

What?

- I'm not Rita Poon.

00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:03,617

I'm Rob Reiner!

And you've just been Reinered!

00:13:03,742 --> 00:13:05,952

Come on, boys!

Let's make our escape!

00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:07,871

Don't you try and stop us!

00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:08,997

Oh!

00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:15,212

Oh, my God!

00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:17,923

Oh, boy.

That was great, kids.

00:13:18,048 --> 00:13:20,634

Those people at the tobacco

company all seem really nice.

00:13:20,759 --> 00:13:23,553

Yeah. You see that?

They got into your head.

00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:26,014

Now you kids can meet

some good, decent people --

00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:29,017

the folks who work

to get smoking banned.

00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:38,443

This is how we get rid

of smokers.

00:13:38,568 --> 00:13:42,072

We go state to state and do

things like use bogus studies

00:13:42,197 --> 00:13:46,034

and make expensive commercials

to get the public on our side

00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:49,079

and force cigarette smokers

to stop.

00:13:49,204 --> 00:13:50,205

Wow.

It's like --

00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:52,791

It's like smoking brings a lot

of people just a little of joy,

00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:54,835

and you get to take that

away from them.

00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:56,253

You are so awesome.

00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:57,462

Here you go, Bob.

00:13:57,587 --> 00:14:00,882

This is Mr. Valkri.

He does all our Photoshop work.

00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:04,094

Now all we have to do

is photoshop cigarettes

00:14:04,219 --> 00:14:05,554

into your hands -- and bingo!

00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:08,390

When this hits the papers,

the tobacco company is screwed!

00:14:11,393 --> 00:14:13,436

But, dude,

you're making stuff up.

00:14:13,562 --> 00:14:15,689

You kids need to understand

something, okay?

00:14:15,814 --> 00:14:17,732

Sometimes lying is okay,

00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:21,653

like when you know what's good

for people more than they do.

00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:24,364

Oh, my God. That is exactly

what I've always said.

00:14:24,489 --> 00:14:25,824

I love this guy.

00:14:25,949 --> 00:14:27,701

Mr. Reiner,

your bill to have smoking

00:14:27,826 --> 00:14:29,578

outlawed in bars here

didn't pass.

00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:30,579

What?!

00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:31,580

God damn it!

00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:33,665

What the hell is wrong

with people in this state?

00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:35,542

Apparently, several people here

still believe

00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:37,711

there's no proof

secondhand smoke can kill you.

00:14:37,836 --> 00:14:39,629

They want proof?

00:14:39,754 --> 00:14:41,715

All right.

We'll give them proof!

00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,718

Boys, I need one of you

to act in a commercial for us.

00:14:44,843 --> 00:14:46,386

We'll shoot it tomorrow.

00:14:46,511 --> 00:14:47,888

Wow!

A commercial?

00:14:48,013 --> 00:14:51,099

You boys decide which one of you

would be best for the part.

00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:52,100

All right, people!

00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:55,270

We got to get moving on the bill

to ban smoking in parks here!

00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:56,438

Let's go!

00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,106

God.

He's just the best!

00:14:58,231 --> 00:14:59,983

Mr. Reiner,

can I get you a muffin?

00:15:00,108 --> 00:15:01,359

Or -- Or a cold drink perhaps?

00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:03,987

You guys, I think we should

bail out of this right now.

00:15:04,112 --> 00:15:04,821

Huh?

00:15:04,946 --> 00:15:06,156

I just know

where this is heading.

00:15:06,281 --> 00:15:08,283

It's gonna end up with the whole

town taking this too far

00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,285

and us having to talk about

what we learned

00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:11,578

to change everyone's minds.

00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:14,331

I say we just stop it right now

and go play cards or something.

00:15:14,456 --> 00:15:15,457

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:16,583

Yeah.

Maybe you're right.

00:15:16,708 --> 00:15:19,336

So, gentlemen,

looks like only one of us

00:15:19,461 --> 00:15:20,879

gets to be

in the commercial, huh?

00:15:21,004 --> 00:15:22,088

Who will it be?

00:15:22,213 --> 00:15:24,049

Gentlemen, the game is on.

00:15:24,174 --> 00:15:26,468

Go ahead. We don't want to be

in their stupid commercial.

00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,511

Huh?

Oh, I get it, Kyle.

00:15:28,637 --> 00:15:30,138

That's your Serbian-Jew

double bluff --

00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,182

make me think you don't care

about being in the commercial

00:15:32,307 --> 00:15:33,475

so maybe I won't either.

00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:34,935

Oops.

Didn't work, did it, Kyle?

00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:37,187

No, we really want nothing more

to do with these people.

00:15:37,312 --> 00:15:39,272

Sure you don't, Kyle.

Oh, and neither do I.

00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:40,815

I know what

you're gonna say next.

00:15:40,941 --> 00:15:42,859

"How about none of us

show up tomorrow to do it?"

00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:44,778

And I'm supposed to agree

so that tomorrow

00:15:44,903 --> 00:15:46,988

you can waltz in all by yourself

and do the commercial.

00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:50,200

That's Serbian-Jew double bluff,

and it ain't gonna work on me.

00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:51,493

Heh heh heh.

00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:53,078

Only one of us can be

in the commercial, gentlemen.

00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:56,289

The game...is on.

00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:11,179

Sorry, Kyle, but I'm afraid

only one of us

00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,556

will be showing up to do the

commercial tomorrow!

00:16:13,682 --> 00:16:16,142

Thought you had me with your

Serbian-Jew double bluff.

00:16:16,267 --> 00:16:18,019

Well, let's see you try

to open this door now.

00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:22,482

What are you doing?

00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,611

Oh.

Hello, Kyle.

00:16:27,278 --> 00:16:30,490

Oh -- Oh, man.

Wait. This isn't my house.

00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:32,492

Cartman, you go ahead

and do the commercial tomorrow.

00:16:32,617 --> 00:16:33,493

But I'm warning you --

00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:35,578

Those antismoking people

are liars and they're bullies

00:16:35,704 --> 00:16:37,455

who will stop at nothing

to get what they want,

00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:39,165

and that means

they're dangerous.

00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:46,548

Nice try, Kyle!

00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:48,383

Let's see you try to get

through this door now.

00:16:51,886 --> 00:16:54,723

Okay, Eric.

This is gonna be real simple.

00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:56,433

All you got to do

is just read the words

00:16:56,558 --> 00:16:58,018

on the Teleprompter here.

00:16:58,143 --> 00:16:59,269

Okay.

00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:01,646

Let's see how the tobacco

companies deal with this.

00:17:01,771 --> 00:17:04,482

All right. Roll camera.

Roll the Teleprompter.

00:17:04,607 --> 00:17:06,192

And whenever you're ready, Eric.

00:17:06,317 --> 00:17:07,569

Okay. Okay.

00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:12,824

You know, some people say

there's no proof

00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:14,325

that secondhand smoke kills.

00:17:14,451 --> 00:17:16,119

The tobacco companies say

there's no proof

00:17:16,244 --> 00:17:17,871

that secondhand smoke kills.

00:17:17,996 --> 00:17:20,665

I've just been diagnosed

with terminal lung cancer.

00:17:20,790 --> 00:17:22,917

I guess...I'm the proof.

00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:24,419

The next time

you want to believe

00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:27,630

that secondhand smoke

doesn't kill, think about me.

00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:32,218

Because by the time you see

this commercial, I'll be dead.

00:17:33,678 --> 00:17:34,554

Dead?

00:17:34,679 --> 00:17:36,681

And cut! Great! We got it.

00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:39,017

Wrap out, people.

That was fantastic.

00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:41,269

Uh, what -- what does that mean,

"I'll be dead"?

00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:44,397

Hey, uh, what --

what was that "dead" part?

00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:45,899

That was very good, Eric.

00:17:46,024 --> 00:17:48,777

Here.

Eat this cupcake.

00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:51,488

Uh, no, thanks.

I'm not hungry.

00:17:51,613 --> 00:17:52,572

But you are.

00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:54,574

Just eat this one cupcake.

00:17:54,699 --> 00:17:57,535

It has sprinkles.

00:17:57,660 --> 00:18:00,038

I'm not eating the cupcake.

00:18:00,163 --> 00:18:02,582

Eric, do you know

what a hero is?

00:18:02,707 --> 00:18:05,251

A hero is somebody

who sacrifices himself

00:18:05,376 --> 00:18:06,795

for the good of others.

00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,379

You can be a hero, Eric.

00:18:08,505 --> 00:18:12,342

All you have to do

is eat the cupcake.

00:18:14,177 --> 00:18:15,220

Jesus Christ!

00:18:15,345 --> 00:18:16,638

Aah!

- Hey!

00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:28,566

What are you doing, Cartman?

00:18:28,691 --> 00:18:30,985

They're going to kill me!

00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:32,195

Who's going to kill you?

00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:33,530

The antismoking people!

00:18:33,655 --> 00:18:35,198

They had me say I died

from secondhand smoke,

00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:37,492

and now they want to sacrifice

me to make it look real!

00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:38,743

They'll stop at nothing!

00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:40,078

Well, get away from us, then.

00:18:40,203 --> 00:18:42,038

Yeah, dude.

Don't get us killed, too.

00:18:42,163 --> 00:18:44,249

You guys have to help me!

- No, dude! Get away!

00:18:44,374 --> 00:18:45,917

Please, you guys!

I don't know what to do!

00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:47,502

Stop it, Cartman.

Go die on your own.

00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:49,003

If I go, you guys go!

00:18:49,129 --> 00:18:50,046

Dad!

00:18:50,171 --> 00:18:51,047

What?

00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:52,924

The antismoking people

are trying to kill Cartman,

00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:54,217

and he won't stay away from us.

00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:56,094

Don't be ridiculous, boys.

00:18:56,219 --> 00:18:58,429

The antismoking people are kind,

caring, and intelligent.

00:18:58,555 --> 00:18:59,764

Your heads

have just been corrupted

00:18:59,889 --> 00:19:02,308

by the lies

of the big tobacco companies.

00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:04,227

Hey!

Maybe that's it, you guys.

00:19:04,352 --> 00:19:05,937

Maybe the tobacco company

can help us.

00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:08,231

Help you,fat-ass. We weren't

in the commercial, remember?

00:19:08,356 --> 00:19:09,941

Yeah. Go to the tobacco company

yourself.

00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:11,901

That's fine! I thought

you guys were my friends!

00:19:12,026 --> 00:19:13,444

But I guess I was wrong.

00:19:13,570 --> 00:19:15,238

Yeah, dude.

You were totally wrong.

00:19:15,363 --> 00:19:16,156

Mrph rm.

00:19:16,281 --> 00:19:18,032

You guys, I am seriously

getting pissed off now!

00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:19,742

Now, come on. We're going

to the tobacco company!

00:19:19,868 --> 00:19:21,119

Oh, all right.

- No!

00:19:21,244 --> 00:19:23,496

What we really should do

is go to our parents right now

00:19:23,621 --> 00:19:25,832

and take responsibility

for smoking ourselves,

00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:27,125

even if it means

getting grounded.

00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:27,959

Why?

00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,544

Because if we go

to the tobacco company,

00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:31,004

I know exactly what'll happen.

00:19:31,129 --> 00:19:33,089

They'll take us in,

and then Rob Reiner will show up

00:19:33,214 --> 00:19:35,091

with all the townspeople

holding torches or something,

00:19:35,216 --> 00:19:36,926

and there'll be a big showdown

until we talk about

00:19:37,051 --> 00:19:38,803

what we learned

and change everyone's minds.

00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:40,680

This is all following a formula!

00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:44,684

So it's either deal with that

or be grounded for three weeks.

00:19:50,481 --> 00:19:51,482

God damn it.

00:19:51,608 --> 00:19:53,151

Give us the child!

00:19:53,276 --> 00:19:54,360

We will not!

00:19:54,485 --> 00:19:55,486

There!

You see that?

00:19:55,612 --> 00:19:57,822

The tobacco company

won't give us the kid!

00:19:57,947 --> 00:19:59,115

And do you know why?

00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:02,118

Because they know that

if they give us that kid,

00:20:02,243 --> 00:20:03,453

then we'll kill him --

00:20:03,578 --> 00:20:05,163

and when our commercial

goes on the air,

00:20:05,288 --> 00:20:07,165

it will lose them business!

00:20:10,793 --> 00:20:12,712

W-Wait a minute.

What?

00:20:12,837 --> 00:20:15,423

Yeah, when we kill the kid,

people are gonna think

00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:16,966

it's because of

secondhand smoke.

00:20:17,091 --> 00:20:19,093

And then these bastards

aren't gonna make money,

00:20:19,219 --> 00:20:20,678

and they know it!

00:20:20,803 --> 00:20:23,097

W-What the hell

is wrong with you?

00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:24,432

That's not right.

00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:27,310

Oh, God damn it.

Do I have to explain this again?

00:20:27,435 --> 00:20:29,354

Smoking is bad, people!

00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:32,982

So if we have to be a little

extreme to stop it, it's okay!

00:20:33,107 --> 00:20:34,734

No, it isn't, you fat turd!

00:20:34,859 --> 00:20:36,819

Because...I've learned

something today.

00:20:36,945 --> 00:20:38,071

You just hate --

00:20:38,196 --> 00:20:39,697

- See? I knew it.

- Yep.

00:20:39,822 --> 00:20:42,242

You just hate smoking, so you

use all your money and power

00:20:42,367 --> 00:20:43,826

to force others

to think like you.

00:20:43,952 --> 00:20:45,828

And that's called fascism,

you tubby asshole.

00:20:45,954 --> 00:20:48,873

God damn it!

There will be no more smoking!

00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:50,959

It wasn't the tobacco company's

fault that we smoked.

00:20:51,084 --> 00:20:52,210

It was our fault -- us.

00:20:52,335 --> 00:20:54,003

We should all take

personal responsibility

00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:56,673

instead of letting fat fascists

like him tell us what to do.

00:20:57,507 --> 00:20:59,509

You're right, boys, m'kay.

00:20:59,634 --> 00:21:01,511

Yeah!

Let smokers smoke!

00:21:01,636 --> 00:21:03,554

Yeah!

- That's right!

00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,683

Hey, Mr. Reiner,

why don't you "butt out"?

00:21:08,893 --> 00:21:11,646

I'm warning you -- Don't mess

with antismoking groups.

00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:14,190

I don't idolize you anymore,

asshole!

00:21:17,151 --> 00:21:19,988

My goo!

My precious goo!

00:21:24,158 --> 00:21:26,035

So, Kyle,

it wasn't the tobacco company

00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:27,287

that made you want to smoke?

00:21:27,412 --> 00:21:28,204

No.

00:21:28,329 --> 00:21:30,081

Well, then you are grounded,

mister!

00:21:30,206 --> 00:21:31,291

You too, Eric.

00:21:31,416 --> 00:21:33,251

Aw!

Aww!

00:21:33,376 --> 00:21:35,169

Well, I guess

we learned our lesson.

00:21:35,295 --> 00:21:37,714

No, we didn't, dude.

No, we didn't.

00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:41,884

♪ With a hide-e-lie-dee-lie-dee

and a hide-e-lie-dee-lay ♪

00:21:42,010 --> 00:21:44,721

♪ We work and we make cigarettes

all hide-e-lie-dee day ♪

00:21:44,846 --> 00:21:45,888

♪ So folks can get a break-ee ♪

00:21:46,014 --> 00:21:47,348

♪ From their stressful

lie-dee lives ♪

00:21:47,473 --> 00:21:48,891

♪ And relax-ee

with the cigarettes ♪

00:21:49,017 --> 00:21:50,935

♪ We make all day and night ♪

00:21:51,060 --> 00:21:54,022

♪ I like to have a cigarette

every now and then ♪

00:21:54,147 --> 00:21:56,607

♪ It makes me feel calmer

when the day is at an end ♪

00:21:56,733 --> 00:21:59,527

♪ And if it gives me cancer

when I'm 80, I don't care ♪

00:00:12,471 --> 00:00:14,098

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:15,641

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:18,894

♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:20,730

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:20,855 --> 00:00:22,398

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:25,776

♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:28,946

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

00:00:29,071 --> 00:00:33,200

♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

00:00:36,328 --> 00:00:39,623

M'kay, kids.

Can I have it quiet, please?

00:00:39,749 --> 00:00:41,417

M'kay.

00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:44,128

M'kay. Quiet now.

The assembly is about to start.

00:00:44,253 --> 00:00:45,755

M'kay.

- [ Indistinct conversations ]

00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:48,841

Uh, quiet, m-m'kay.

00:00:48,966 --> 00:00:50,634

[ Feedback blares ]

00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:52,928

[All screaming ]

00:00:53,054 --> 00:00:54,513

Okay.

00:00:54,638 --> 00:00:57,683

Uh, now, kids, we have a really

fun motivational group today

00:00:57,808 --> 00:00:58,851

who are gonna talk to you

00:00:58,976 --> 00:01:01,437

about the dangers of smoking,

m'kay.

00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:04,899

So please give a very big

South Park Cows welcome to...

00:01:05,024 --> 00:01:06,400

Butt Out!

00:01:06,525 --> 00:01:09,195

[ Slow introduction,

up-tempo music plays ]

00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:10,738

Whoo-hoo!

- All right!

00:01:10,863 --> 00:01:12,323

Get those hands up!

00:01:12,448 --> 00:01:14,116

Get those hands up!

- Come on!

00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:14,867

Clap!

00:01:14,992 --> 00:01:16,660

♪ Butt out, yeah, yeah ♪

00:01:16,786 --> 00:01:18,954

♪ Give that cigarette butt

a throw ♪

00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:20,956

♪ Butt out, uh-huh ♪

00:01:21,082 --> 00:01:22,666

♪ Smoking's got to go ♪

00:01:22,792 --> 00:01:24,001

[ Music ends ]

00:01:24,126 --> 00:01:25,586

Oh, no.

00:01:25,711 --> 00:01:26,712

Yeah!

- All right! Whoo!

00:01:26,837 --> 00:01:28,547

Hey, students!

How are we all feeling today?

00:01:28,672 --> 00:01:29,673

Whoo!

00:01:30,674 --> 00:01:32,551

Hey, did you guys know

that each year

00:01:32,676 --> 00:01:36,514

over 600,000 people a year

die from smoking...a year?

00:01:36,639 --> 00:01:37,890

600,000?

00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:40,309

Are you sure

you're not just blowing smoke?

00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:41,811

[ Laughter ]

00:01:41,936 --> 00:01:44,188

Blow smoke? Us?

No way!

00:01:44,313 --> 00:01:45,523

Because we don't

need to smoke --

00:01:45,648 --> 00:01:46,982

and neither do you, right, kids?

00:01:47,108 --> 00:01:48,234

Butt out!

00:01:48,359 --> 00:01:49,985

Break it down!

- [ Up-tempo hip-hop plays ]

00:01:50,111 --> 00:01:51,112

[ Beat-boxing ]

00:01:51,237 --> 00:01:52,988

[ Rapping ]

♪ Butt out, yeah, yeah ♪

00:01:53,114 --> 00:01:55,407

♪ It's cool to say no ♪

00:01:55,533 --> 00:01:57,284

♪ Butt out, uh-huh ♪

00:01:57,409 --> 00:01:59,120

♪ Smoking's got to go ♪

00:01:59,245 --> 00:02:01,747

[ Beat-boxing ]

00:02:01,872 --> 00:02:03,082

♪ Smokin', no ♪

00:02:03,207 --> 00:02:05,167

♪ No smokin' ♪

00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:06,293

Freestyle!

00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:07,837

Vernon!

00:02:07,962 --> 00:02:09,922

♪ Tick-tock, tick-tock,

tick-tick tick ♪

00:02:10,047 --> 00:02:11,507

♪ Don't smoke,

don't ever smoke ♪

00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:12,925

Kyle!

- Kyle!

00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:15,219

♪ B to the U to the T to the T

to the... ♪

00:02:15,344 --> 00:02:16,971

Dude, this is unbearable.

00:02:17,096 --> 00:02:18,514

I'm going to kill myself.

00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,599

♪...R to the E to the T

to the T to the E ♪

00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:21,517

♪ Butt out, cigarette! ♪

00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:22,268

- Randy!

- Randy!

00:02:22,393 --> 00:02:23,644

♪ Smoke, you know,

has got to go ♪

00:02:23,769 --> 00:02:25,312

♪ You go -- you got to know

to say the no... ♪

00:02:25,437 --> 00:02:27,231

[ Groans ]

00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:28,357

[ Beat-boxing ]

Pam!

00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:30,609

[ Imitates creaking,

air hissing ]

00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:34,196

[ High-pitched ]

Do-o-o-n't smo-o-o-ke!

00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:35,990

Whoo-hoo!

- All right!

00:02:36,615 --> 00:02:38,784

You guys,

Kenny's eating his own hand.

00:02:38,909 --> 00:02:40,578

Hey, what's the big deal?

00:02:40,703 --> 00:02:43,080

I like smoking,

and it makes me cool.

00:02:43,205 --> 00:02:44,081

Oh, really?

00:02:44,206 --> 00:02:46,125

Do you think lung cancer

is cool, too?

00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:48,127

What about emphysema?

Is that cool?

00:02:48,252 --> 00:02:50,087

And what about abortion

and AIDS?

00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:52,214

Pfft. That's nones the cool.

- Word.

00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:53,924

Yeah, so butt out.

00:02:54,049 --> 00:02:55,718

♪ Butt out, yeah, yeah ♪

00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:57,803

♪ Give that cigarette butt

a throw... ♪

00:02:57,928 --> 00:02:59,930

Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:01,140

♪ Smoking's got to go ♪

00:03:01,265 --> 00:03:02,933

Remember, kids, if you smoke,

00:03:03,058 --> 00:03:04,560

you could grow up

to be a failure.

00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:07,021

Worse yet,

you could grow up to be dead!

00:03:07,146 --> 00:03:09,773

So don't believe what those evil

tobacco companies tell you.

00:03:09,899 --> 00:03:12,651

Yeah, because if you don't

smoke, you can grow up to be...

00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:15,446

[all]

Just like us!

00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:19,325

[ Coughing ]

00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:21,994

Here. Give me another one.

[ Coughs ]

00:03:22,119 --> 00:03:23,621

Oh, dude, this is really hard.

00:03:23,746 --> 00:03:25,080

[ Coughing ]

00:03:25,206 --> 00:03:26,957

Oh, shit.

Here comes Mr. Mackey!

00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:28,000

Throw 'em away!

00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:29,460

[ Coughing ]

00:03:29,585 --> 00:03:30,920

Dude, here he co--

[ Coughs ]

00:03:31,045 --> 00:03:32,296

Got to stop coughing.

00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:36,926

[ Stifling coughs ]

00:03:38,177 --> 00:03:40,179

Boys, what are you doing

back here?

00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:43,224

[ Gulps ]

00:03:43,349 --> 00:03:44,642

I asked you a question.

00:03:44,767 --> 00:03:46,810

What are you doing

back here, m'kay?

00:03:48,270 --> 00:03:49,730

Nubbi'.

00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:50,522

What?

00:03:50,648 --> 00:03:54,109

Nubbi' -- Nu--

Nubb--

00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:57,238

Aah! Sick!

00:03:57,363 --> 00:03:58,239

Gross, dude!

00:03:58,364 --> 00:03:59,365

[ Coughing ]

00:03:59,490 --> 00:04:00,950

Well, hey,

if I didn't know any better,

00:04:01,075 --> 00:04:02,993

I'd think you boys

had been smoking!

00:04:03,118 --> 00:04:05,329

[ Coughing ] No.

No, Mr. Mackey.

00:04:05,454 --> 00:04:06,914

We don't have any cigarettes.

00:04:07,039 --> 00:04:08,123

Well, you'd better not.

00:04:08,249 --> 00:04:10,542

Because let me tell you

something about smoking.

00:04:10,668 --> 00:04:13,629

Uh, smoking's bad, m'kay.

00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:17,258

And, uh, if you start smoking

at an early age, m'kay,

00:04:17,383 --> 00:04:18,634

I-it's gonna be bad.

00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:19,843

M'kay?

00:04:19,969 --> 00:04:22,763

Because, uh, smoking can lead to

all kinds of health problems,

00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:23,973

like cancer.

00:04:24,098 --> 00:04:26,600

M'kay, and let me tell you

something about cancer, m'kay.

00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:29,436

Uh, cancer's bad.

M'kay?

00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:32,439

And, uh -- What --

What the...

00:04:32,564 --> 00:04:35,025

Holy shit, m'kay!

00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:36,277

[Alarm ringing ]

00:04:36,402 --> 00:04:38,362

[ Screaming ]

00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:41,323

Aah!

Jesus Christ!

00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:44,827

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:04:45,828 --> 00:04:46,829

Whoops.

00:04:47,871 --> 00:04:50,958

Well, you boys have

certainly done it this time!

00:04:51,083 --> 00:04:52,876

[ Sing-song ]

We're sorry.

00:04:53,002 --> 00:04:54,378

Not as sorry

as you're going to be

00:04:54,503 --> 00:04:56,463

when your parents get here --

Ah. Here they come now.

00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:57,881

Oh, God.

00:04:59,842 --> 00:05:02,136

[ Knock on door ]

Come on in.

00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:05,806

Stanley, what did you do

this time?

00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:07,641

You'd better brace yourselves,

parents.

00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:10,269

The boys were caught...smoking.

00:05:10,394 --> 00:05:12,229

Smoking?!

00:05:12,354 --> 00:05:13,689

No.

It can't be.

00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:15,733

My son is not a filthy smoker.

[ Sobs ]

00:05:15,858 --> 00:05:18,110

Mom...Dad, it was just --

00:05:18,235 --> 00:05:19,737

I don't have a son!

00:05:19,862 --> 00:05:22,114

Eric! You've done a lot of

horrible things in your life.

00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:23,365

But smoking?

00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:25,159

You're grounded for three weeks.

00:05:25,284 --> 00:05:27,453

Three weeks?

Are you fucking kidding me?

00:05:27,578 --> 00:05:30,789

Haven't you boys heard anything

about how harmful smoking is

00:05:30,914 --> 00:05:31,915

to you and those around you?

00:05:32,041 --> 00:05:32,958

Of course they haven't,

00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:35,419

because the tobacco companies

have gotten to them first.

00:05:35,544 --> 00:05:37,296

This is really their fault.

00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:39,506

Yeah!

This is really their fault.

00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:42,259

No matter how much money

the antismoking groups spend,

00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:44,845

the tobacco companies are there

to fill our children's heads

00:05:44,970 --> 00:05:47,765

with lies and propaganda

that make them want to smoke.

00:05:47,890 --> 00:05:49,099

Yeah, huh?

00:05:49,224 --> 00:05:51,352

It's like the tobacco companies

have control of my mind.

00:05:51,477 --> 00:05:53,437

[ Straining ]

No. Must fight it.

00:05:53,562 --> 00:05:56,398

Tobacco companies making me

want to smoke. [ Grunts ]

00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:58,233

Oh, my goodness.

I had no idea.

00:05:58,359 --> 00:05:59,818

Are you okay, sweetie?

00:05:59,943 --> 00:06:01,653

Well, those Goddamn

tobacco companies

00:06:01,779 --> 00:06:03,614

aren't gonna have control

over my kid!

00:06:03,739 --> 00:06:05,324

I say we bring them down!

00:06:05,449 --> 00:06:06,950

We need the help of the greatest

00:06:07,076 --> 00:06:10,996

antismoking celebrity

that ever lived -- Rob Reiner.

00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:13,665

Who's Rob Reiner?

00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:18,128

[ Breathing heavily ]

I don't understand it.

00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:20,923

I pushed a law for higher taxes

on cigarettes.

00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,883

I lobbied to get images

of cigarettes

00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:24,343

removed from movies and art.

00:06:24,468 --> 00:06:26,887

I forced smokers out of bars

and parks.

00:06:27,012 --> 00:06:28,847

But still I get letters

from parents

00:06:28,972 --> 00:06:30,766

saying their kids are doing it.

00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:35,604

Apparently,

people still don't understand

00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:37,189

how bad smoking is for them.

00:06:37,314 --> 00:06:39,650

Don't they know how dangerous

it is to their health?

00:06:39,775 --> 00:06:42,319

Don't they know the hazard

of secondhand smoke?

00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:43,737

According to the letter, sir,

00:06:43,862 --> 00:06:46,407

the town has a tobacco company

quite near them.

00:06:46,532 --> 00:06:47,866

Yeah.

That must be it.

00:06:47,991 --> 00:06:50,244

The tobacco companies,

with their millions of dollars

00:06:50,369 --> 00:06:52,663

and their slick desks

and fancy buildings --

00:06:52,788 --> 00:06:55,040

They're the ones

making children want to smoke.

00:06:56,542 --> 00:06:58,836

They're the ones hurting

our nation's health.

00:06:58,961 --> 00:07:01,630

I will not stand by

and see the children of America

00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,507

corrupted by those bastards!

00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:05,467

This is war!

00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:08,971

[ Band playing "The Stars

and Stripes Forever" ]

00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:11,932

You guys, maybe we should

come clean right now

00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:13,600

and tell everyone it wasn't

the tobacco companies

00:07:13,725 --> 00:07:14,601

that made us want to smoke.

00:07:14,726 --> 00:07:15,853

What?

- Why? It's perfect.

00:07:15,978 --> 00:07:17,438

If everyone's blaming

the tobacco companies,

00:07:17,563 --> 00:07:18,564

then nobody's blaming us.

00:07:18,689 --> 00:07:19,606

Yeah.

What's the problem?

00:07:19,731 --> 00:07:22,276

It's just that this seems like

another one of those times

00:07:22,401 --> 00:07:24,194

when things are gonna get

way out of hand.

00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:25,988

It's been happening a lot

lately.

00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:28,365

How about this time we just

put a stop to it right now?

00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:30,784

You don't want to be grounded

for three weeks, do you?

00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:31,827

Yeah. Don't worry, dude.

00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:33,245

Things aren't gonna

get out of hand.

00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:35,247

Here he comes!

00:07:44,673 --> 00:07:46,758

[ Straining ]

00:07:46,884 --> 00:07:49,219

Damn it.

[ Grunts ]

00:07:49,344 --> 00:07:50,888

Butter!

00:07:51,013 --> 00:07:52,055

Butter!

00:07:52,181 --> 00:07:53,348

What'd he say?

00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,225

Butter!

00:08:00,606 --> 00:08:01,607

[ Grunts ]

00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:05,569

[ Cheers and applause ]

00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:12,159

[ Breathing heavily ]

00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:16,830

Hello, South Park!

00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:18,749

[ Cheers and applause ]

00:08:20,292 --> 00:08:23,253

It is so nice to see

an entire town come together

00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:25,339

to fight for good health.

00:08:25,464 --> 00:08:27,466

And I'm gonna help you!

00:08:29,301 --> 00:08:30,802

These poor, innocent children

00:08:30,928 --> 00:08:33,347

have been seduced

into smoking tobacco.

00:08:33,472 --> 00:08:36,683

So I say we fight fire

with fire!

00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:38,435

We're gonna use these children

00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:40,854

to bring the tobacco company

down!

00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:42,689

[ Cheers and applause ]

00:08:44,316 --> 00:08:46,568

Oh, no.

00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:52,366

[ Breathing heavily ]

All right, kids.

00:08:52,491 --> 00:08:53,492

Here's what we're gonna do.

00:08:53,617 --> 00:08:55,536

We're gonna sneak you

into the tobacco company

00:08:55,661 --> 00:08:58,914

by saying you kids want a tour

for a school paper.

00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,958

Once you're inside, I'm gonna --

00:09:01,083 --> 00:09:04,002

I'm gonna take photos,

and then we'll publish them,

00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:06,713

saying that the tobacco company

invited you over

00:09:06,838 --> 00:09:08,340

to seduce you into smoking.

00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:10,050

Got it?

- Got it!

00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:13,011

But...isn't that kind of lying?

00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:15,931

[ Burps ] We're just leveling

out the playing field.

00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:19,059

The tobacco companies lie to you

about the dangers of smoking.

00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:22,521

If we're gonna take them down,

we've got to lie right back.

00:09:22,646 --> 00:09:24,606

[ Sniffing ]

00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:31,989

Oh my God!

[ Coughs ]

00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:35,951

[ Coughs loudly ]

00:09:38,704 --> 00:09:40,163

Excuse me!

00:09:40,289 --> 00:09:41,748

Yes?

00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:44,459

Would you mind putting

that death stick out?

00:09:44,585 --> 00:09:46,295

But, uh, this is a bar.

00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:48,589

Isn't smoking illegal

in bars here?

00:09:48,714 --> 00:09:50,132

Not in Colorado.

00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:51,091

Oh, my God!

00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:53,594

What kind of backward hick state

is this?

00:09:53,719 --> 00:09:56,305

Look, man, I work 14 hours a day

at the sawmill.

00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:58,515

I just got off work,

and I need to relax.

00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,935

Well, when I relax, I just go

to my vacation house in Hawaii.

00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:04,354

I ain't got a vacation house

in Hawaii.

00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:07,774

Y-Your vacation house in Mexico,

then -- whatever it is!

00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:11,653

Look, you are putting my life

and these boys' lives in danger

00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:12,988

by smoking that in here.

00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:15,157

And I am not gonna tolerate it!

00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:17,951

I will end smoking in bars

in Colorado.

00:10:18,076 --> 00:10:20,829

There will be no more smoking!

[ Grunts ]

00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:23,123

Isn't he awesome, you guys?

- What?

00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:25,459

Dude, he just goes around

imposing his will on people.

00:10:25,584 --> 00:10:26,877

He's my idol.

00:10:27,002 --> 00:10:29,880

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:10:30,005 --> 00:10:31,006

All right, boys.

00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,382

Just do what I tell you,

00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:35,927

and we'll be able to sue this

tobacco company for $2 billion.

00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:38,221

As soon as we get

into the main facility,

00:10:38,347 --> 00:10:41,099

I'll snap the photo of you kids,

and we can all run out.

00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:43,268

Think you can handle it?

- Handle it?

00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:46,021

For $2 billion, I'd handle

my grandpa's balls, sir.

00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:47,356

All right.

Great.

00:10:47,481 --> 00:10:49,358

Okay.

Now watch yourselves, kids.

00:10:49,483 --> 00:10:51,902

These tobacco-company people

will do anything

00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:53,487

to get you hooked on smoking.

00:10:53,612 --> 00:10:56,323

They are liars,

and they are frauds.

00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:58,450

[ Door opens, closes ]

Can I help you?

00:10:58,575 --> 00:11:01,536

[ Breathing heavily ]

Yes. My name is Rita Poon.

00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:04,247

I called about my boys

wanting a tour.

00:11:04,373 --> 00:11:05,624

Ah, yes, Mrs. Poon.

00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:06,750

My name's Kevin Harris,

00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:08,835

and I'm the vice president

of Big Tobacco.

00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,254

Well, hello, Mr. Harris.

00:11:11,380 --> 00:11:12,673

Well, come on in.

00:11:12,798 --> 00:11:14,675

How about a little history

first?

00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,803

Native Americans were the first

to cultivate the tobacco plant.

00:11:17,928 --> 00:11:19,054

They smoked it in pipes

00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:21,223

for medicinal

and ceremonial purposes.

00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:23,725

Not if I were around,

they wouldn't have.

00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:24,601

Excuse me?

00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:26,478

Oh, nothing!

Please continue.

00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:28,230

The first successful

commercial crop of tobacco

00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:30,565

was cultivated in Virginia

in 1612.

00:11:30,691 --> 00:11:31,566

Within seven years,

00:11:31,692 --> 00:11:33,694

it was one of the country's

largest exports.

00:11:33,819 --> 00:11:35,821

So tobacco helped to build

America.

00:11:35,946 --> 00:11:36,863

That's right.

00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:38,281

Over the next few centuries,

00:11:38,407 --> 00:11:39,950

the tobacco business

was so great

00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:41,284

that many slaves were brought

from Africa

00:11:41,410 --> 00:11:42,703

to help work the fields.

00:11:42,828 --> 00:11:44,705

Which means

if it weren't for tobacco,

00:11:44,830 --> 00:11:47,082

many of our black friends

wouldn't be here today.

00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:50,168

And so for centuries,

tobacco production flourished.

00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:52,504

Nobody was even aware

of any dangers back then,

00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:55,757

until, in 1965,

when Congress passed an act

00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:57,092

forcing all tobacco companies

00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,469

to put the Surgeon General's

warning on their packages.

00:11:59,594 --> 00:12:01,972

So now everyone knows

the dangers of smoking,

00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:03,807

and some people

still choose to do it,

00:12:03,932 --> 00:12:06,768

and we believe that's what

being an American is all about.

00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:08,603

That sounds

perfectly reasonable.

00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:10,480

And here's our factory at work.

00:12:10,605 --> 00:12:12,733

[ Light music plays ]

00:12:12,858 --> 00:12:15,944

♪ With a hide-e-lie-dee-lie-dee

and a hide-e-lie-dee-lay ♪

00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,780

♪ We work and we make cigarettes

all hide-e-lie-dee day ♪

00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:19,948

♪ So folks can get a break-ee ♪

00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:21,408

♪ From their stressful

lie-dee lives ♪

00:12:21,533 --> 00:12:22,951

♪ And relax-ee

with the cigarettes ♪

00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,995

♪ We make all day and night ♪

00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:27,748

♪ I like to have a cigarette

every now and then ♪

00:12:27,873 --> 00:12:30,542

♪ It makes me feel calmer

when the day is at an end ♪

00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:33,295

♪ And if it gives me cancer

when I'm 80, I don't care ♪

00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:36,214

♪ Who the hell wants to be 90

anyway? ♪

00:12:36,339 --> 00:12:37,716

♪ So with

a hide-e-lie-dee-lie-dee ♪

00:12:37,841 --> 00:12:39,301

♪ And a hide-e-lie-dee-lay ♪

00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:42,179

♪ We work and we make cigarettes

all hide-e-lie-dee day ♪

00:12:42,304 --> 00:12:43,305

♪ So folks can get a break-ee ♪

00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,681

♪ From their stressful

lie-dee lives ♪

00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:46,308

♪ And relax-ee

with the cigarettes ♪

00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:48,518

♪ We make all day and night ♪

00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:50,645

Well, I guess that's the end

of our tour.

00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:53,523

Oh. Here, boys.

Let me get your picture.

00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,276

Got it!

Ha!

00:12:56,401 --> 00:12:58,361

You bastards are going down now!

00:12:58,487 --> 00:13:00,405

What?

- I'm not Rita Poon.

00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:03,617

I'm Rob Reiner!

And you've just been Reinered!

00:13:03,742 --> 00:13:05,952

Come on, boys!

Let's make our escape!

00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:07,871

Don't you try and stop us!

00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:08,997

Oh!

[ Grunts ]

00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:11,792

[ Gasps, screams ]

00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:13,585

[ Screaming ]

00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:15,212

Oh, my God!

00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:17,923

Oh, boy.

That was great, kids.

00:13:18,048 --> 00:13:20,634

Those people at the tobacco

company all seem really nice.

00:13:20,759 --> 00:13:23,553

Yeah. You see that?

They got into your head.

00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:26,014

Now you kids can meet

some good, decent people --

00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:29,017

the folks who work

to get smoking banned.

00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:30,977

[ Growling ]

00:13:31,102 --> 00:13:33,104

[ Hissing ]

00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:38,443

This is how we get rid

of smokers.

00:13:38,568 --> 00:13:42,072

We go state to state and do

things like use bogus studies

00:13:42,197 --> 00:13:46,034

and make expensive commercials

to get the public on our side

00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:49,079

and force cigarette smokers

to stop.

00:13:49,204 --> 00:13:50,205

Wow.

It's like --

00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:52,791

It's like smoking brings a lot

of people just a little of joy,

00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:54,835

and you get to take that

away from them.

00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:56,253

You are so awesome.

00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:57,462

Here you go, Bob.

00:13:57,587 --> 00:14:00,882

This is Mr. Valkri.

He does all our Photoshop work.

00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:04,094

Now all we have to do

is photoshop cigarettes

00:14:04,219 --> 00:14:05,554

into your hands -- and bingo!

00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:08,390

When this hits the papers,

the tobacco company is screwed!

00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:11,268

[ Both laughing ]

00:14:11,393 --> 00:14:13,436

But, dude,

you're making stuff up.

00:14:13,562 --> 00:14:15,689

You kids need to understand

something, okay?

00:14:15,814 --> 00:14:17,732

Sometimes lying is okay,

00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:21,653

like when you know what's good

for people more than they do.

00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:24,364

Oh, my God. That is exactly

what I've always said.

00:14:24,489 --> 00:14:25,824

I love this guy.

00:14:25,949 --> 00:14:27,701

Mr. Reiner,

your bill to have smoking

00:14:27,826 --> 00:14:29,578

outlawed in bars here

didn't pass.

00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:30,579

What?!

00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:31,580

God damn it!

00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:33,665

What the hell is wrong

with people in this state?

00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:35,542

Apparently, several people here

still believe

00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:37,711

there's no proof

secondhand smoke can kill you.

00:14:37,836 --> 00:14:39,629

[ Exhales sharply ]

They want proof?

00:14:39,754 --> 00:14:41,715

All right.

We'll give them proof!

00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,718

Boys, I need one of you

to act in a commercial for us.

00:14:44,843 --> 00:14:46,386

We'll shoot it tomorrow.

00:14:46,511 --> 00:14:47,888

Wow!

A commercial?

00:14:48,013 --> 00:14:51,099

You boys decide which one of you

would be best for the part.

00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:52,100

All right, people!

00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:55,270

We got to get moving on the bill

to ban smoking in parks here!

00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:56,438

Let's go!

00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,106

God.

He's just the best!

00:14:58,231 --> 00:14:59,983

Mr. Reiner,

can I get you a muffin?

00:15:00,108 --> 00:15:01,359

Or -- Or a cold drink perhaps?

00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:03,987

You guys, I think we should

bail out of this right now.

00:15:04,112 --> 00:15:04,821

Huh?

00:15:04,946 --> 00:15:06,156

I just know

where this is heading.

00:15:06,281 --> 00:15:08,283

It's gonna end up with the whole

town taking this too far

00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,285

and us having to talk about

what we learned

00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:11,578

to change everyone's minds.

00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:14,331

I say we just stop it right now

and go play cards or something.

00:15:14,456 --> 00:15:15,457

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:16,583

Yeah.

Maybe you're right.

00:15:16,708 --> 00:15:19,336

So, gentlemen,

looks like only one of us

00:15:19,461 --> 00:15:20,879

gets to be

in the commercial, huh?

00:15:21,004 --> 00:15:22,088

Who will it be?

00:15:22,213 --> 00:15:24,049

Gentlemen, the game is on.

00:15:24,174 --> 00:15:26,468

Go ahead. We don't want to be

in their stupid commercial.

00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,511

Huh?

Oh, I get it, Kyle.

00:15:28,637 --> 00:15:30,138

That's your Serbian-Jew

double bluff --

00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,182

make me think you don't care

about being in the commercial

00:15:32,307 --> 00:15:33,475

so maybe I won't either.

00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:34,935

Oops.

Didn't work, did it, Kyle?

00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:37,187

No, we really want nothing more

to do with these people.

00:15:37,312 --> 00:15:39,272

Sure you don't, Kyle.

Oh, and neither do I.

00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:40,815

I know what

you're gonna say next.

00:15:40,941 --> 00:15:42,859

"How about none of us

show up tomorrow to do it?"

00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:44,778

And I'm supposed to agree

so that tomorrow

00:15:44,903 --> 00:15:46,988

you can waltz in all by yourself

and do the commercial.

00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:50,200

That's Serbian-Jew double bluff,

and it ain't gonna work on me.

00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:51,493

Heh heh heh.

00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:53,078

Only one of us can be

in the commercial, gentlemen.

00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:56,289

The game...is on.

00:16:02,545 --> 00:16:04,798

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:11,179

Sorry, Kyle, but I'm afraid

only one of us

00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,556

will be showing up to do the

commercial tomorrow!

00:16:13,682 --> 00:16:16,142

Thought you had me with your

Serbian-Jew double bluff.

00:16:16,267 --> 00:16:18,019

Well, let's see you try

to open this door now.

00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:20,772

[ Laughing ]

00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:22,482

What are you doing?

00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,611

Oh.

Hello, Kyle.

00:16:27,278 --> 00:16:30,490

Oh -- Oh, man.

Wait. This isn't my house.

00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:32,492

Cartman, you go ahead

and do the commercial tomorrow.

00:16:32,617 --> 00:16:33,493

But I'm warning you --

00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:35,578

Those antismoking people

are liars and they're bullies

00:16:35,704 --> 00:16:37,455

who will stop at nothing

to get what they want,

00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:39,165

and that means

they're dangerous.

00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:46,548

[ Laughs ]

Nice try, Kyle!

00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:48,383

Let's see you try to get

through this door now.

00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:49,801

[ Laughs ]

00:16:51,886 --> 00:16:54,723

Okay, Eric.

This is gonna be real simple.

00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:56,433

All you got to do

is just read the words

00:16:56,558 --> 00:16:58,018

on the Teleprompter here.

00:16:58,143 --> 00:16:59,269

[ Laughs ]

Okay.

00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:01,646

Let's see how the tobacco

companies deal with this.

00:17:01,771 --> 00:17:04,482

All right. Roll camera.

Roll the Teleprompter.

00:17:04,607 --> 00:17:06,192

And whenever you're ready, Eric.

00:17:06,317 --> 00:17:07,569

[ Giggling ]

Okay. Okay.

00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:09,029

[ Exhales deeply ]

00:17:09,154 --> 00:17:10,238

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:12,824

You know, some people say

there's no proof

00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:14,325

that secondhand smoke kills.

00:17:14,451 --> 00:17:16,119

The tobacco companies say

there's no proof

00:17:16,244 --> 00:17:17,871

that secondhand smoke kills.

00:17:17,996 --> 00:17:20,665

I've just been diagnosed

with terminal lung cancer.

00:17:20,790 --> 00:17:22,917

I guess...I'm the proof.

00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:24,419

The next time

you want to believe

00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:27,630

that secondhand smoke

doesn't kill, think about me.

00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:32,218

Because by the time you see

this commercial, I'll be dead.

00:17:33,678 --> 00:17:34,554

Dead?

00:17:34,679 --> 00:17:36,681

And cut! Great! We got it.

- [ Bell rings ]

00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:39,017

Wrap out, people.

That was fantastic.

00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:41,269

Uh, what -- what does that mean,

"I'll be dead"?

00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:44,397

Hey, uh, what --

what was that "dead" part?

00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:45,899

That was very good, Eric.

00:17:46,024 --> 00:17:48,777

Here.

Eat this cupcake.

00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:51,488

Uh, no, thanks.

I'm not hungry.

00:17:51,613 --> 00:17:52,572

But you are.

00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:54,574

Just eat this one cupcake.

00:17:54,699 --> 00:17:57,535

It has sprinkles.

00:17:57,660 --> 00:18:00,038

I'm not eating the cupcake.

00:18:00,163 --> 00:18:02,582

Eric, do you know

what a hero is?

00:18:02,707 --> 00:18:05,251

A hero is somebody

who sacrifices himself

00:18:05,376 --> 00:18:06,795

for the good of others.

00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,379

You can be a hero, Eric.

00:18:08,505 --> 00:18:12,342

All you have to do

is eat the cupcake.

00:18:14,177 --> 00:18:15,220

Jesus Christ!

00:18:15,345 --> 00:18:16,638

Aah!

- Hey!

00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:18,807

[ Breathing heavily ]

00:18:19,307 --> 00:18:21,142

[ Breathing heavily ]

00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:28,566

What are you doing, Cartman?

00:18:28,691 --> 00:18:30,985

They're going to kill me!

00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:32,195

Who's going to kill you?

00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:33,530

The antismoking people!

00:18:33,655 --> 00:18:35,198

They had me say I died

from secondhand smoke,

00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:37,492

and now they want to sacrifice

me to make it look real!

00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:38,743

They'll stop at nothing!

00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:40,078

Well, get away from us, then.

00:18:40,203 --> 00:18:42,038

Yeah, dude.

Don't get us killed, too.

00:18:42,163 --> 00:18:44,249

You guys have to help me!

- No, dude! Get away!

00:18:44,374 --> 00:18:45,917

Please, you guys!

I don't know what to do!

00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:47,502

Stop it, Cartman.

Go die on your own.

00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:49,003

If I go, you guys go!

00:18:49,129 --> 00:18:50,046

Dad!

00:18:50,171 --> 00:18:51,047

What?

00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:52,924

The antismoking people

are trying to kill Cartman,

00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:54,217

and he won't stay away from us.

00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:56,094

Don't be ridiculous, boys.

00:18:56,219 --> 00:18:58,429

The antismoking people are kind,

caring, and intelligent.

00:18:58,555 --> 00:18:59,764

Your heads

have just been corrupted

00:18:59,889 --> 00:19:02,308

by the lies

of the big tobacco companies.

00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:04,227

Hey!

Maybe that's it, you guys.

00:19:04,352 --> 00:19:05,937

Maybe the tobacco company

can help us.

00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:08,231

Help you,fat-ass. We weren't

in the commercial, remember?

00:19:08,356 --> 00:19:09,941

Yeah. Go to the tobacco company

yourself.

00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:11,901

That's fine! I thought

you guys were my friends!

00:19:12,026 --> 00:19:13,444

But I guess I was wrong.

00:19:13,570 --> 00:19:15,238

Yeah, dude.

You were totally wrong.

00:19:15,363 --> 00:19:16,156

Mrph rm.

00:19:16,281 --> 00:19:18,032

You guys, I am seriously

getting pissed off now!

00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:19,742

Now, come on. We're going

to the tobacco company!

00:19:19,868 --> 00:19:21,119

Oh, all right.

- No!

00:19:21,244 --> 00:19:23,496

What we really should do

is go to our parents right now

00:19:23,621 --> 00:19:25,832

and take responsibility

for smoking ourselves,

00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:27,125

even if it means

getting grounded.

00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:27,959

Why?

00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,544

Because if we go

to the tobacco company,

00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:31,004

I know exactly what'll happen.

00:19:31,129 --> 00:19:33,089

They'll take us in,

and then Rob Reiner will show up

00:19:33,214 --> 00:19:35,091

with all the townspeople

holding torches or something,

00:19:35,216 --> 00:19:36,926

and there'll be a big showdown

until we talk about

00:19:37,051 --> 00:19:38,803

what we learned

and change everyone's minds.

00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:40,680

This is all following a formula!

00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:44,684

So it's either deal with that

or be grounded for three weeks.

00:19:45,977 --> 00:19:48,229

[ Crowd shouting ]

00:19:50,481 --> 00:19:51,482

God damn it.

00:19:51,608 --> 00:19:53,151

Give us the child!

00:19:53,276 --> 00:19:54,360

We will not!

00:19:54,485 --> 00:19:55,486

There!

You see that?

00:19:55,612 --> 00:19:57,822

The tobacco company

won't give us the kid!

00:19:57,947 --> 00:19:59,115

And do you know why?

00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:02,118

Because they know that

if they give us that kid,

00:20:02,243 --> 00:20:03,453

then we'll kill him --

00:20:03,578 --> 00:20:05,163

and when our commercial

goes on the air,

00:20:05,288 --> 00:20:07,165

it will lose them business!

00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:08,416

[ Crowd shouting ]

00:20:10,793 --> 00:20:12,712

W-Wait a minute.

What?

00:20:12,837 --> 00:20:15,423

Yeah, when we kill the kid,

people are gonna think

00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:16,966

it's because of

secondhand smoke.

00:20:17,091 --> 00:20:19,093

And then these bastards

aren't gonna make money,

00:20:19,219 --> 00:20:20,678

and they know it!

00:20:20,803 --> 00:20:23,097

W-What the hell

is wrong with you?

00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:24,432

That's not right.

00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:27,310

Oh, God damn it.

Do I have to explain this again?

00:20:27,435 --> 00:20:29,354

Smoking is bad, people!

00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:32,982

So if we have to be a little

extreme to stop it, it's okay!

00:20:33,107 --> 00:20:34,734

No, it isn't, you fat turd!

00:20:34,859 --> 00:20:36,819

Because...I've learned

something today.

00:20:36,945 --> 00:20:38,071

You just hate --

00:20:38,196 --> 00:20:39,697

- See? I knew it.

- Yep.

00:20:39,822 --> 00:20:42,242

You just hate smoking, so you

use all your money and power

00:20:42,367 --> 00:20:43,826

to force others

to think like you.

00:20:43,952 --> 00:20:45,828

And that's called fascism,

you tubby asshole.

00:20:45,954 --> 00:20:48,873

God damn it!

There will be no more smoking!

00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:50,959

It wasn't the tobacco company's

fault that we smoked.

00:20:51,084 --> 00:20:52,210

It was our fault -- us.

00:20:52,335 --> 00:20:54,003

We should all take

personal responsibility

00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:56,673

instead of letting fat fascists

like him tell us what to do.

00:20:57,507 --> 00:20:59,509

You're right, boys, m'kay.

00:20:59,634 --> 00:21:01,511

Yeah!

Let smokers smoke!

00:21:01,636 --> 00:21:03,554

Yeah!

- That's right!

00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,683

Hey, Mr. Reiner,

why don't you "butt out"?

00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:08,768

[ Laughter ]

00:21:08,893 --> 00:21:11,646

I'm warning you -- Don't mess

with antismoking groups.

00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:14,190

I don't idolize you anymore,

asshole!

00:21:14,315 --> 00:21:16,276

[ Groaning ]

00:21:17,151 --> 00:21:19,988

My goo!

My precious goo!

00:21:20,113 --> 00:21:22,115

[ Groaning ]

00:21:24,158 --> 00:21:26,035

So, Kyle,

it wasn't the tobacco company

00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:27,287

that made you want to smoke?

00:21:27,412 --> 00:21:28,204

No.

00:21:28,329 --> 00:21:30,081

Well, then you are grounded,

mister!

00:21:30,206 --> 00:21:31,291

You too, Eric.

00:21:31,416 --> 00:21:33,251

Aw!

Aww!

00:21:33,376 --> 00:21:35,169

Well, I guess

we learned our lesson.

00:21:35,295 --> 00:21:37,714

No, we didn't, dude.

No, we didn't.

00:21:37,839 --> 00:21:38,715

[ Light music plays ]

00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:41,884

♪ With a hide-e-lie-dee-lie-dee

and a hide-e-lie-dee-lay ♪

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♪ We work and we make cigarettes

all hide-e-lie-dee day ♪

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♪ So folks can get a break-ee ♪

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♪ From their stressful

lie-dee lives ♪

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♪ And relax-ee

with the cigarettes ♪

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♪ We make all day and night ♪

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♪ I like to have a cigarette

every now and then ♪

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♪ It makes me feel calmer

when the day is at an end ♪

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♪ And if it gives me cancer

when I'm 80, I don't care ♪