Всё о мормонах
Описание
В город приезжает семья мормонов. Постепенно Стэн сближается с ними, а его отец и вовсе решает стать мормоном.
Субтитры
eng__.srt
eng__.srt
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♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:15,599
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:18,894
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:20,730
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,855 --> 00:00:22,356
♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
00:00:22,481 --> 00:00:25,735
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:28,904
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:33,159
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
00:00:36,078 --> 00:00:38,372
Okay, children.
Let's take our seats.
00:00:38,497 --> 00:00:40,624
We have a new student
joining us today
00:00:40,750 --> 00:00:42,960
who has just moved here
from Utah.
00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:46,464
I want you all to say hi
to Gary!
00:00:48,174 --> 00:00:50,217
Hello, everybody. It's really
great to meet you all.
00:00:50,342 --> 00:00:53,763
Gary was state champion
in wrestling and in tennis.
00:00:53,888 --> 00:00:54,930
He also maintained
00:00:55,056 --> 00:00:57,558
a 4.0 grade-point average
at his old school
00:00:57,683 --> 00:01:00,978
and has been on two national
commercials for toothpaste.
00:01:01,103 --> 00:01:02,688
I'm really excited
to live in this town
00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:04,732
and share all kinds
of great experiences with you,
00:01:04,857 --> 00:01:06,233
my new friends.
00:01:06,358 --> 00:01:07,818
Oh, dude, what a little asshole.
00:01:07,943 --> 00:01:09,028
Yeah.
Screw that kid.
00:01:09,153 --> 00:01:11,572
All right, Gary, why don't
you take that empty seat,
00:01:11,697 --> 00:01:13,741
and we'll get started
with the lesson?
00:01:16,368 --> 00:01:18,329
Hey.
My name's Gary.
00:01:18,454 --> 00:01:22,333
Hi! My name's Yura --
Yura Fag.
00:01:22,458 --> 00:01:25,252
That's funny.
You're cool, man.
00:01:25,377 --> 00:01:27,171
Okay, now, who can
tell me what year
00:01:27,296 --> 00:01:29,590
the first astronauts landed
on the moon?
00:01:29,715 --> 00:01:31,634
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
1969.
00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:33,594
Very good, Gary.
00:01:33,719 --> 00:01:34,470
Wow.
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:37,389
Looks like I don't have
a class full of retards anymore,
00:01:37,515 --> 00:01:39,225
doesn't it, children?
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,437
Dude, that new kid
is such a douche.
00:01:43,562 --> 00:01:45,356
Yeah. Somebody needs to
put him in his place.
00:01:45,481 --> 00:01:47,399
He's a pecker face.
That's what he is.
00:01:47,525 --> 00:01:48,776
Go kick his ass, Stan.
00:01:48,901 --> 00:01:50,236
Yeah.
Go kick his ass.
00:01:50,361 --> 00:01:51,529
Well, maybe he won't fight.
00:01:51,654 --> 00:01:53,239
Will he bleed?
That's all we care about.
00:01:53,364 --> 00:01:54,156
Come on, dude.
00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:56,283
Somebody needs to wipe
that fucking smirk off his face.
00:01:56,408 --> 00:01:57,368
Yeah.
Little bitch.
00:01:57,493 --> 00:01:59,078
All right.
I'm gonna go kick his ass.
00:01:59,203 --> 00:02:02,164
Yeah! Go, Stan!
Go, Stan!
00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:05,084
I got five bucks
on the other kid. Who wants it?
00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:08,963
Oh, hey, there. You want to kick
the ball around with me?
00:02:09,088 --> 00:02:12,258
No.
I'm...I'm gonna kick your ass.
00:02:12,383 --> 00:02:13,134
Excuse me?
00:02:13,259 --> 00:02:16,262
I'm gonna kick your ass...bitch.
00:02:16,846 --> 00:02:18,597
How come you want to fight me?
00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:20,975
Oh, I get it.
I'm the new kid.
00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:23,102
Yeah.
I guess maybe I deserve it.
00:02:23,686 --> 00:02:24,645
Huh?
00:02:24,770 --> 00:02:26,397
It's really tough
being in a totally new place,
00:02:26,522 --> 00:02:28,691
but I think all you guys
are really cool, so...
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,985
I understand
if there's initiation rites.
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,195
Dude, stop it.
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:34,655
Let him have it, Stan!
00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:35,990
Shut up, Butters!
00:02:36,115 --> 00:02:37,408
The other kids are watching.
00:02:37,533 --> 00:02:39,785
Look, do what you got to do.
I won't fight back.
00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:41,287
I just hope
that maybe afterwards,
00:02:41,412 --> 00:02:43,414
we can try to be friends
someday.
00:02:43,539 --> 00:02:45,040
What are they doing?
00:02:45,166 --> 00:02:46,917
They're just standing there,
talking.
00:02:49,545 --> 00:02:51,130
What happened?
00:02:51,255 --> 00:02:53,966
I'm...going over to his
house for dinner tonight.
00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:55,634
What? How did that happen?
00:02:55,759 --> 00:02:58,179
He's...a really nice kid.
00:02:58,304 --> 00:03:00,639
You were supposed to kick
his ass, not lick his butthole.
00:03:00,764 --> 00:03:02,683
You're having dinner
with his family?
00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:04,852
What kind of family
has a kid like that?
00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:07,396
Okay.
My turn.
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:08,814
Ooh! 5!
00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:10,524
One, two, three, four, five.
00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:13,903
Oh! "Lost your mortgage --
pay $10,000."
00:03:14,028 --> 00:03:15,905
Oh, no!
00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:17,364
Hey, it's Gary!
00:03:17,489 --> 00:03:18,532
Gary!
- Great to see you!
00:03:18,657 --> 00:03:19,658
How are you?
00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:21,243
Hey, everybody.
This is my new friend Stan.
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:22,661
Stan, this is my mom and dad.
00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:23,787
Hi, Stan!
00:03:23,913 --> 00:03:25,497
It's so nice to meet you!
00:03:25,623 --> 00:03:27,583
This is my brother Mark.
- Hi!
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,084
My sister Jenny.
- Hey!
00:03:29,210 --> 00:03:30,628
My little brother, Dave.
- Hi!
00:03:30,753 --> 00:03:32,880
And my baby sister, Amanda.
00:03:33,422 --> 00:03:35,299
Hello, Stan!
00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:38,427
It's great you could join us
for family home evening, Stan.
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:40,429
What's that?
- That's when we don't allow any TV
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,598
and just entertain each other
with music and stories.
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:43,974
Doesn't your family
ever do that?
00:03:44,099 --> 00:03:44,808
No.
00:03:44,934 --> 00:03:46,685
Hey, kids, why don't you grab
your instruments
00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:47,728
and play a song for Stan?
00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:50,022
All right! Let's do it!
- Yeah! All right!
00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:53,359
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I love my family ♪
00:03:53,484 --> 00:03:55,694
♪ My family is the best ♪
00:03:55,819 --> 00:03:58,530
♪ If we ever have to face
a challenge ♪
00:03:58,656 --> 00:04:01,158
♪ Our family!
- ♪ Can pass the test ♪
00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:05,162
Oh, boy, who is
the best mom in the world?
00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:06,914
Yay!
- All right, Mom!
00:04:07,039 --> 00:04:08,415
All right!
Go, Dave!
00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:09,667
- Yes!
- Whoo-hoo!
00:04:09,792 --> 00:04:13,796
Where be your gibes now,
your gambols, your songs...
00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:16,131
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
00:04:17,466 --> 00:04:19,009
That's a great story, Sarah!
00:04:19,134 --> 00:04:20,135
All right, kids.
00:04:20,261 --> 00:04:22,680
Now how about we do
some Scripture readings --
00:04:22,805 --> 00:04:24,306
from the Book of Mormon?!
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:25,182
All right!
- Yeah!
00:04:25,307 --> 00:04:26,392
Whoo-hoo!
- Ow!
00:04:26,976 --> 00:04:28,435
The Book of Mormon?
What's that?
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,437
You know, the book
that Joseph Smith found.
00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:31,689
Who's Joseph Smith?
00:04:33,274 --> 00:04:35,234
Only the most important person
in the world.
00:04:35,359 --> 00:04:37,111
- You never heard of him?
- No!
00:04:37,236 --> 00:04:39,071
Tell us the story
of Joseph Smith again, Dad.
00:04:39,196 --> 00:04:40,072
Tell us!
- Tell us!
00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:41,156
Yeah, Dad.
- All right.
00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:43,409
All right, you rascals.
Gather 'round.
00:04:43,534 --> 00:04:46,120
Joseph Smith lived
in a little American town
00:04:46,245 --> 00:04:49,039
in the early 1800s.
00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:52,835
♪ Dee da da dee da dum ♪
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,045
♪ Joseph Smith
was called a prophet ♪
00:04:55,170 --> 00:04:56,755
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:59,216
♪ He started
the Mormon religion ♪
00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:01,093
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:03,262
There goes
that kooky Joseph Smith.
00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:05,973
You know, he claims
he spoke with God and Jesus.
00:05:06,098 --> 00:05:07,725
Well, how do you know he didn't?
00:05:07,850 --> 00:05:09,351
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:11,645
♪ Joseph Smith
was called a prophet ♪
00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:12,813
Hey, Joseph.
00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:15,649
I told my wife that you spoke
with God and Jesus,
00:05:15,774 --> 00:05:17,401
and she didn't believe it.
00:05:17,526 --> 00:05:18,861
Well, it's true -- I did.
00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:19,737
Where?
00:05:19,862 --> 00:05:22,197
I was out in the woods, praying.
00:05:22,323 --> 00:05:25,075
I was asking God
if I should be a Protestant
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,243
or a Catholic or what,
00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:28,746
and suddenly, God and Jesus
appeared before me.
00:05:28,871 --> 00:05:31,332
And they said I should start
my own church
00:05:31,457 --> 00:05:33,876
because none of the others
had it right.
00:05:34,877 --> 00:05:36,920
And that's exactly
how it happened.
00:05:37,046 --> 00:05:38,547
You see?
You believe it now?
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,591
Well, yeah. Sure.
Why would he make that up?
00:05:40,716 --> 00:05:42,634
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:44,970
♪ Many people believed Joseph ♪
00:05:45,095 --> 00:05:46,847
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:05:46,972 --> 00:05:49,016
♪ And that night
he saw an angel ♪
00:05:49,141 --> 00:05:51,477
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:05:51,602 --> 00:05:53,979
And please bless Mother
and Father.
00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:55,939
And please keep our bellies
full of yum-yums
00:05:56,065 --> 00:05:57,316
and luscious goodies.
00:05:58,400 --> 00:05:59,276
Aah!
00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:01,904
Oh, my gosh!
00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:05,491
I am Moroni.
I am a Native American.
00:06:05,616 --> 00:06:08,994
A Native American?
But your skin is white.
00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:11,955
Yes. Long ago,
all Native Americans were white.
00:06:12,081 --> 00:06:14,500
We all came to America
from Jerusalem,
00:06:14,625 --> 00:06:17,669
and while we were here,
we were visited by Christ.
00:06:17,795 --> 00:06:20,422
Jesus lived here in America?
00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:21,256
Yes.
00:06:21,382 --> 00:06:23,050
Eventually my people
were all killed
00:06:23,175 --> 00:06:24,760
by the other tribe of Israel.
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:28,013
And as punishment,
God turned their skin red.
00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:31,058
These are the Native Americans
you know today.
00:06:31,183 --> 00:06:33,352
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:06:33,477 --> 00:06:35,396
There is an ancient book buried
near here,
00:06:35,521 --> 00:06:38,315
written on gold plates,
that account my people's lives.
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:39,817
Also buried with the book
00:06:39,942 --> 00:06:42,569
are two seer stones --
the Urim and Thummim --
00:06:42,694 --> 00:06:45,030
which will allow you
to translate the writings.
00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:47,866
Find it
and fulfill your destiny.
00:06:50,202 --> 00:06:51,120
Wow!
00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:53,080
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:06:53,205 --> 00:06:55,332
♪ Joseph Smith
was called a prophet ♪
00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:58,168
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:06:58,293 --> 00:07:00,587
And we all know
what happened then, don't we?
00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:02,214
Yeah!
- Yeah! I know!
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:04,174
What happened then?
00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:06,051
Ooh, the Rice Krispie squares
are done.
00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:07,136
Rice Krispie squares!
- All right!
00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:08,887
Yay!
- Rice Krispie squares!
00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:11,348
Hey, gang, let's wrap some more
of them up in plastic wrap
00:07:11,473 --> 00:07:12,641
and hand them out to the poor!
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,393
Awesome!
- I can't wait!
00:07:14,518 --> 00:07:15,644
You coming, Stan?
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,354
No. I was supposed to be home
at 8:00.
00:07:17,479 --> 00:07:19,273
Aw!
That's too bad!
00:07:19,398 --> 00:07:21,275
Well, it was really nice
meeting you, Stan.
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:22,443
Bye, Stan!
- See ya!
00:07:22,568 --> 00:07:24,111
Great to meet you!
- Bye!
00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:31,660
Told you he'd say that,
didn't I?
00:07:33,704 --> 00:07:35,664
Yep.
Yep, yep, yep.
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:36,790
Hello?
00:07:36,915 --> 00:07:38,834
Oh. Hi, Stan.
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:41,879
Hey, Dad, how come you never
told me about Joseph Smith?
00:07:42,004 --> 00:07:42,838
Who?
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,756
Shut up, turd!
We're watching "Friends"!
00:07:44,882 --> 00:07:46,675
The guy who spoke to God
and Jesus.
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:50,095
Well, Stan, God and Jesus
don't actually speak to people.
00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:51,513
That's not what
the Harrisons said.
00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:52,723
Who are the Harrisons?
00:07:52,848 --> 00:07:54,475
The new people that moved in
down the street.
00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:56,685
Mr. Harrison said Joseph Smith
spoke to God and Jesus
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,687
and they told him none
of the religions were right.
00:07:58,812 --> 00:07:59,980
Oh, did he, now?
00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:01,648
What are they, religious kooks?
00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:03,066
They're not kooks.
They're cool.
00:08:03,192 --> 00:08:05,110
How come we never have a night
where we don't watch any TV
00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:06,945
and we just do stuff together
and eat and drink?
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:09,239
We have that, Stan.
It's called Friday-night kegger.
00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:10,991
But that's just you
and your friends.
00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:12,826
I said shut up, turd!
00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:14,328
Mr. Harrison said that
I need to be following
00:08:14,453 --> 00:08:16,788
heavenly father's plan, and
I don't even know what that is.
00:08:16,914 --> 00:08:18,290
All right.
That does it!
00:08:18,415 --> 00:08:19,416
Where are you going?
00:08:19,541 --> 00:08:22,044
I'm gonna go have a talk
with this Mr. Harrison.
00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:23,921
If he thinks
he can fill my son's head
00:08:24,046 --> 00:08:26,548
with wacko religious crap,
he's wrong!
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:28,550
Randy, don't cause trouble.
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:29,801
Let me handle this, Sharon.
00:08:29,927 --> 00:08:31,762
You got to put these cult people
in their place
00:08:31,887 --> 00:08:33,180
or else they never stop.
00:08:33,305 --> 00:08:36,016
I'm gonna go kick
this Mr. Harrison's ass.
00:08:37,809 --> 00:08:39,937
This Mr. Harrison is --
is a white guy, right?
00:08:40,062 --> 00:08:41,188
Yeah.
- Yeah.
00:08:41,313 --> 00:08:43,607
I'm gonna go kick his ass!
00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:48,028
Goddamn religious kooks.
00:08:48,153 --> 00:08:49,905
Tell my son what to believe,
will you?
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:53,283
We'll see how you like
my fist in your ass.
00:08:55,077 --> 00:08:56,537
Hello!
00:08:56,662 --> 00:08:58,205
Yeah.
Are you Mr. Harrison?
00:08:58,330 --> 00:09:00,332
I sure am.
The -- The name's Gary.
00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:02,751
Well, look, my kid was just
over at your house and he, uh --
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,086
Oh, you're Stan's dad!
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:06,213
It's so nice
to finally meet you!
00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:08,090
Karen!
Mr. Marsh is here!
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:09,883
Uh, look,
I just want to tell you that --
00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:11,927
Oh, Mr. Marsh!
What a treat!
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,762
It's so nice to meet you!
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,430
Well, thanks.
Uh...
00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:16,473
Karen just finished baking
00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:19,059
the most amazing
Rice Krispie squares.
00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:20,227
With chocolate frosting.
00:09:20,352 --> 00:09:22,312
Come on out of the cold.
You got to try one.
00:09:22,437 --> 00:09:24,982
Or six.
00:09:25,107 --> 00:09:28,318
I cannot tell you how wonderful
it is to have you over.
00:09:28,443 --> 00:09:31,029
I hear you're a geologist.
That is so amazing.
00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:34,199
Look, uh, I actually came over
because I'm a little concerned
00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:36,493
about some of the things
you told my son.
00:09:36,618 --> 00:09:37,911
Uh-huh.
- Uh-huh.
00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:42,207
You know, about...God and stuff.
00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:43,500
Oh.
00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:46,587
Oh, boy. Y-You think we were
trying to convert him.
00:09:46,712 --> 00:09:47,421
Well, I --
00:09:47,546 --> 00:09:50,090
Oh, Mr. Marsh, I am so sorry.
00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:51,800
We just moved here from Utah,
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:54,011
and we're so used to everyone
being Mormon that we --
00:09:54,136 --> 00:09:56,179
we forget not everyone
wants to hear about it.
00:09:56,305 --> 00:09:58,098
Oh, boy.
You must be furious.
00:09:58,223 --> 00:10:00,350
Well...no. No.
I just --
00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:02,686
You just heard your son
talking about religious ideals
00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:04,313
that aren't your own,
and you said,
00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:06,982
"Who the heck do these
people think they are?"
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:09,067
I-I'm really, truly sorry,
Mr. Marsh.
00:10:09,192 --> 00:10:10,319
It won't happen again.
00:10:10,444 --> 00:10:12,654
You can...call me Randy.
00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:14,781
Randy, the last thing we want
is for people to think
00:10:14,906 --> 00:10:16,033
we're pushing our religion.
00:10:16,158 --> 00:10:17,701
We know there are a lot
of beliefs out there,
00:10:17,826 --> 00:10:19,077
and ours just works for us.
00:10:19,202 --> 00:10:20,579
To each his own, right?
00:10:20,704 --> 00:10:22,205
Yeah.
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:23,707
Yeah!
00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:26,043
You know, to be honest,
I've never known any Mormons.
00:10:26,168 --> 00:10:28,378
I don't even know
what you people believe.
00:10:28,503 --> 00:10:30,130
Who was this Joseph Smith guy?
00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:32,007
Why did he believe
that Native Americans
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,509
were actually white people
from Jerusalem?
00:10:34,635 --> 00:10:36,803
Well, because he found
ancient books they had written
00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:37,971
on gold plates --
00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:40,932
right where the angel Moroni
said they would be.
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:47,439
I found them!
I found them!
00:10:48,023 --> 00:10:49,775
You're not gonna believe it,
everybody!
00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:50,942
I found them!
00:10:51,068 --> 00:10:51,985
Found what?
00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:55,280
Another New Testament
of Jesus Christ.
00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:57,282
What?
00:10:57,407 --> 00:11:00,369
Last night,
a Native American angel told me
00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:02,454
where I could find another
testament of Jesus Christ,
00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:04,373
so I went out to the woods.
00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:07,459
I dug around all morning where
the angel had told me to look.
00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:10,379
Hmm. Maybe there isn't anything
out here.
00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:12,589
Wait a tick. What's this?
00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:15,384
Wow.
00:11:15,509 --> 00:11:19,763
Inside the stone box,
I found the magical seer stones.
00:11:19,888 --> 00:11:22,057
Under that,
I found four gold plates
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:23,975
written in strange writing.
00:11:24,101 --> 00:11:26,728
This must be the gospel
that Jesus told the Nephites.
00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:29,648
Well, they were the most amazing
things I had ever gazed upon.
00:11:29,773 --> 00:11:31,483
Well, s-so where are they?
00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:32,526
Where are what?
00:11:32,651 --> 00:11:35,237
The gold plates and the seer stones.
Where are they?
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:36,405
Oh.
00:11:36,530 --> 00:11:38,573
Oh. Well, I was not allowed
to take them.
00:11:38,699 --> 00:11:40,826
You see,
after I found the plates,
00:11:40,951 --> 00:11:43,036
the angel Moroni
appeared to me again
00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:45,247
and said that I am not allowed
to show the plates
00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:49,209
or the seer stones to anybody,
because first I must translate
00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:51,044
what's written on the plates
into English
00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:52,379
so you can all read it.
00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:54,297
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:11:54,423 --> 00:11:55,841
Wow!
- That's amazing!
00:11:58,593 --> 00:12:00,679
♪ He found the stones
and golden plates ♪
00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:02,597
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:04,891
♪ Even though nobody else
ever saw them ♪
00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:07,477
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:10,021
I have some laundry to do.
00:12:10,147 --> 00:12:12,315
I've got to do
like your father did.
00:12:12,441 --> 00:12:14,359
So, how'd it go, Clubber Lang?
00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:16,570
You kick Mr. Harrison's ass?
00:12:16,695 --> 00:12:17,821
Not exactly.
00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:21,283
We're, uh, having their family
over for dinner tomorrow night.
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:23,118
See?
That's what happened to me!
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:25,954
Sharon, did you know
this guy Joseph Smith
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:28,749
found a new testament to the
Bible buried here in America?
00:12:28,874 --> 00:12:30,083
What are you talking about?
00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:32,043
Well, it's just
that the Harrisons
00:12:32,169 --> 00:12:33,336
are really nice people,
00:12:33,462 --> 00:12:36,339
and you should see how loving
and together their family is.
00:12:36,465 --> 00:12:39,009
I-I think there's something
to that religion.
00:12:39,134 --> 00:12:40,552
That's what they made me think,
too.
00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:41,887
All right.
That does it.
00:12:42,012 --> 00:12:45,223
From now on,
our family is Mormon!
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:49,519
Hey, Stan, how was your date
last night with the new kid?
00:12:49,644 --> 00:12:51,271
Shut up, dude.
They're a nice family.
00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:53,356
Gary is actually really smart
and talented.
00:12:53,482 --> 00:12:56,777
Aww, you guys,
I think Stan's in love.
00:12:56,902 --> 00:12:58,653
Yeah, did you make out
with him, too?
00:12:58,779 --> 00:13:00,572
What's the big deal?
Can't I have other friends?
00:13:00,697 --> 00:13:02,073
You guys should give Gary
a chance.
00:13:02,199 --> 00:13:02,908
Hey, Stan.
00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:05,035
Oh, here's Stan's
little girlfriend now.
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:05,869
Hey, guys.
00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:07,996
Stan, I remember you said last night
you'd lost your wallet,
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,331
so I made you a new one.
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:12,417
I carved a picture of John Elway
into the leather on the front.
00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:13,919
Wow.
You made this?
00:13:14,044 --> 00:13:16,755
Aw, look at them.
Aren't they so cute together?
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,173
Hey, my family's on their way
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,925
over to the fire station
to donate blood.
00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:21,092
You want to come along?
00:13:22,385 --> 00:13:23,804
Uh, I don't think so, Gary.
I have to, uh --
00:13:23,929 --> 00:13:25,514
Here comes my family now!
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:27,766
Hey, guys!
- Hey, guys!
00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:30,727
Look!
We painted our faces!
00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:33,104
I'm a lion.
00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:34,356
I'm an alien.
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,900
Hey! Just what the heck
am I supposed to be?
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:40,111
My God.
00:13:40,237 --> 00:13:41,988
You gonna come with us
to the fire station, Stan?
00:13:42,113 --> 00:13:44,282
Uh, no.
I've got a lot to do.
00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:47,118
Well, Gary, you want to just
hang out with your friend Stan?
00:13:47,244 --> 00:13:48,745
Oh, well, I'd like to, but...
00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:50,914
Oh, man, I would miss you guys
so much.
00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:52,374
We'd miss you, too, Gary.
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,251
Oh, we'll all see each other
tonight
00:13:54,376 --> 00:13:56,002
when we go to Stan's house
for dinner.
00:13:56,127 --> 00:13:57,671
Stay and play
with your friends, Gary.
00:13:57,796 --> 00:13:59,673
Yeah!
Have a good time, boys.
00:14:01,424 --> 00:14:02,717
Let's go!
00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:05,470
Our faces are painted!
00:14:06,763 --> 00:14:07,806
Wow.
00:14:07,931 --> 00:14:09,599
So, what do you guys want to do?
00:14:09,724 --> 00:14:12,018
Uh, that's cool. We're gonna
leave you two lovebirds alone.
00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:13,395
The three of us
have to go put in
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,063
some volunteer work
at the homeless shelter.
00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:17,190
Oh, cool!
I'm gonna do that tomorrow.
00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:19,401
Jesus Christ.
00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:23,697
So, hey, I heard your dad
came over last night,
00:14:23,822 --> 00:14:25,532
and he and my dad
talked about Joseph Smith.
00:14:25,657 --> 00:14:26,950
That's great!
00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:29,661
Yeah. I had a question
about that Joseph Smith guy.
00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:30,495
Sure.
00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:32,956
What happened after he found
the golden plates buried in the ground?
00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:35,292
Well, he kept them hidden
from everyone like he was told,
00:14:35,417 --> 00:14:37,168
and then he translated
what was written on the plates
00:14:37,294 --> 00:14:38,503
into the Book of Mormon.
00:14:38,628 --> 00:14:40,255
Yeah, but how?
00:14:42,465 --> 00:14:43,884
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:14:44,009 --> 00:14:46,219
What's this all about,
Mr. Smith?
00:14:46,344 --> 00:14:48,513
Mr. Harris,
can you keep a secret?
00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:50,140
Well, sure, I can.
00:14:50,265 --> 00:14:52,058
I have in my possession
00:14:52,183 --> 00:14:54,311
an ancient book written
on gold plates
00:14:54,436 --> 00:14:56,897
that tells of Jesus Christ's
second coming --
00:14:57,022 --> 00:14:58,773
here, in America!
00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:00,901
In America?
Really?
00:15:01,026 --> 00:15:03,153
That sounds kind of...
00:15:03,278 --> 00:15:05,071
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:15:05,196 --> 00:15:06,156
It's true!
00:15:06,281 --> 00:15:07,782
And I'm going to translate
the plates
00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:11,036
and publish it into a book
for the whole world to read.
00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:13,538
Now, I-I know you have
a lot of money, Mr. Harris,
00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:15,206
and I'm just gonna need
a little bit
00:15:15,332 --> 00:15:16,750
to pay for the publishing costs.
00:15:16,875 --> 00:15:18,084
Mm, I don't know.
00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:20,253
How do you expect
to translate it?
00:15:20,378 --> 00:15:21,963
With these.
00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:23,131
Rocks?
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:24,215
They're not rocks.
00:15:24,341 --> 00:15:26,801
They're seer stones
given to me by an angel.
00:15:26,927 --> 00:15:28,511
With them, God allows me
00:15:28,637 --> 00:15:30,221
to translate the plates
into English.
00:15:30,347 --> 00:15:33,850
Watch. You take this quill and
paper and write down what I say.
00:15:33,975 --> 00:15:34,768
Sit here.
00:15:34,893 --> 00:15:36,645
I have the golden plates
here in this hat.
00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:37,854
I need to have them
somewhere dark
00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:39,522
so I can read
the spiritual light.
00:15:39,648 --> 00:15:40,649
R-Really?
00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:42,567
When I put the seer stones
into the hat,
00:15:42,692 --> 00:15:45,111
the ancient letters light up
and change to English,
00:15:45,236 --> 00:15:46,947
which I can then read to you.
00:15:47,072 --> 00:15:48,615
Wow!
00:15:50,659 --> 00:15:52,202
Ooh!
I'm seeing the light!
00:15:52,327 --> 00:15:54,329
O-Okay.
Write this down.
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:57,624
And so it...was...
00:15:57,749 --> 00:16:01,836
that...Christ appeared
before the...
00:16:01,962 --> 00:16:03,380
Nephites.
00:16:03,505 --> 00:16:05,840
♪ And that's how
the Book of Mormon was written ♪
00:16:05,966 --> 00:16:07,717
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:16:07,842 --> 00:16:11,805
♪ Dum da dum dum dum-dum-dum
dum da dum dum dum-dum-dum ♪
00:16:11,930 --> 00:16:16,434
♪ Dum dum dum-dum-dum
dum dum dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:20,397
One, two, three, four.
00:16:20,522 --> 00:16:23,400
"Pay $1,000 property tax."
00:16:23,525 --> 00:16:26,987
Isn't this great, you guys?
Our first family home evening.
00:16:27,112 --> 00:16:29,072
I want to watch TV.
00:16:29,197 --> 00:16:30,323
We're not watching TV!
00:16:30,448 --> 00:16:32,993
We're Mormons now, and we're
having family home evening!
00:16:33,118 --> 00:16:34,828
Dad, did you know
that Joseph Smith guy
00:16:34,953 --> 00:16:36,538
read the Book of Mormon
out of a hat?
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:37,872
And?
Your turn, Sharon.
00:16:37,998 --> 00:16:39,457
It's just that
the Book of Mormon
00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:40,709
says a lot of strange stuff,
00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:43,503
like that Adam and Eve lived
in Jackson County, Missouri.
00:16:43,628 --> 00:16:44,421
Yes?
00:16:44,546 --> 00:16:45,338
But school taught me
00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:46,923
that the first man and woman
lived in Africa.
00:16:47,048 --> 00:16:49,509
You can't believe everything
school tells you, Stan.
00:16:49,634 --> 00:16:50,844
Your turn, Shelly.
00:16:51,970 --> 00:16:54,055
Ooh!
That must be the Harrisons!
00:16:55,890 --> 00:16:57,475
Hey, we're here!
- Hey, everybody!
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,602
Wow!
What a great house!
00:16:59,728 --> 00:17:03,064
You must be Mrs. Marsh!
It's so nice to meet you!
00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:04,315
And you must be Stan's sister.
00:17:04,441 --> 00:17:06,276
Oh, I think your brother's
the greatest.
00:17:06,401 --> 00:17:08,403
My brother is a stupid turd.
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,530
Hey, Stan!
- Hey, Gary.
00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:12,449
Well, come on in
and sit down, everybody.
00:17:12,574 --> 00:17:14,034
You're here just in time.
00:17:14,159 --> 00:17:16,619
My son was having a little
problem with our new religion.
00:17:16,745 --> 00:17:17,454
Dad.
00:17:17,579 --> 00:17:18,913
Oh, really?
00:17:19,039 --> 00:17:21,416
Well, that's just because
he hasn't heard the best part
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:23,126
about the Joseph Smith story --
00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:25,503
the one that proves
he was for real.
00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:28,256
Ooh.
What's that?
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:31,384
Well, you remember
Martin Harris, the rich man
00:17:31,509 --> 00:17:34,095
who wrote down what Joseph Smith
read out of the hat?
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:34,721
Yeah.
00:17:34,846 --> 00:17:37,390
See, after he was done,
he took some of the pages
00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:40,185
of what would become
the Book of Mormon home.
00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:42,437
♪ Martin went home to his wife ♪
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:44,230
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:17:44,355 --> 00:17:46,691
♪ And showed her pages
from the Book of Mormon ♪
00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:48,902
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:17:49,027 --> 00:17:51,780
A-And so Joseph Smith
put his head into a hat
00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:54,115
a-and read to me
what the golden plates said.
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:57,619
I wrote it all down, and we're
gonna publish it into a book.
00:17:57,744 --> 00:18:00,747
Martin, how do you know
he isn't just making stuff up
00:18:00,872 --> 00:18:03,625
and pretending he's translating
off golden plates?
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,710
♪ Lucy Harris,
smart, smart, smart ♪
00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:07,754
♪ Smart, smart, smart,
smart, smart ♪
00:18:07,879 --> 00:18:09,881
Why would he make it up?
00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:12,092
♪ Martin Harris, dum da dum ♪
00:18:12,217 --> 00:18:14,761
All right. Here.
I'm gonna hide these pages.
00:18:14,886 --> 00:18:16,805
If Joseph Smith
really is translating
00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:19,140
off of golden plates,
he'll be able to do it again.
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:21,267
But if Joseph Smith
is making it all up,
00:18:21,392 --> 00:18:23,478
the new translations
will be different from these.
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,021
Okay.
Fine.
00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:26,815
I bet he'll have no problem.
00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:29,109
♪ Lucy Harris,
smart, smart, smart ♪
00:18:29,234 --> 00:18:31,152
♪ Martin Harris, dum ♪
00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:33,113
♪ So Martin went on back
to Smith's ♪
00:18:33,238 --> 00:18:35,198
♪ Said the pages had gone away ♪
00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:39,494
♪ Smith got mad and told Martin
he needed to go pray ♪
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:42,038
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:18:42,163 --> 00:18:45,542
Look, I'm sorry about losing
the pages we worked on, Joe,
00:18:45,667 --> 00:18:47,293
but I'm ready
to write it all down again
00:18:47,418 --> 00:18:49,003
if you'd translate
from the plates.
00:18:49,129 --> 00:18:52,590
I would love to, Martin,
except...I just had a vision.
00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:55,009
And the Lord said
he is very angry with me
00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:56,553
for letting you take
those pages.
00:18:56,678 --> 00:18:58,138
He is?
00:18:58,263 --> 00:19:00,140
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:19:00,265 --> 00:19:00,849
Yes.
00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:03,601
He is so mad that
he will never let me translate
00:19:03,726 --> 00:19:05,145
from the plate of Lehi again.
00:19:05,270 --> 00:19:08,398
He said we must now translate
from the plate of Nephi.
00:19:08,523 --> 00:19:10,650
So it will be
the same basic story
00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:12,193
but written
a little differently.
00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:14,195
Wow!
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:15,905
If God got angry with you,
00:19:16,030 --> 00:19:17,824
then you must be telling
the truth!
00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:20,201
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:22,162
All right, Martin.
Let's get to work.
00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:27,750
And that's how it happened.
00:19:27,876 --> 00:19:29,669
Yeah!
- All right!
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:32,755
Wait.
00:19:32,881 --> 00:19:34,549
Mormons actually know
this story,
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,801
and they still believe
Joseph Smith was a prophet?
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:39,387
Well, sure!
The story proves it, doesn't it?
00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:41,181
No, it proves he did
make it all up.
00:19:41,306 --> 00:19:42,182
Are you blind?
00:19:42,307 --> 00:19:44,225
Well, Stan,
it's all a matter of faith.
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:45,476
No.
It's a matter of logic.
00:19:45,602 --> 00:19:47,312
If you're gonna say things
that have been proven wrong,
00:19:47,437 --> 00:19:49,272
like that the first man
and woman lived in Missouri
00:19:49,397 --> 00:19:51,107
and that Native Americans
came from Jerusalem,
00:19:51,232 --> 00:19:52,734
then you'd better have something
to back it up.
00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:54,903
All you've got are a bunch
of stories about some asswipe
00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:56,654
who read plates
nobody ever saw out of a hat
00:19:56,779 --> 00:19:59,073
and couldn't do it again when
the translations were hidden!
00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:01,701
Hey, Stan.
Don't denounce our religion.
00:20:01,826 --> 00:20:03,578
I don't want to be Mormon, Dad!
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:05,079
Me neither.
00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:06,414
That's totally cool, guys.
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:07,832
You can believe
whatever you want!
00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:09,918
Yeah! It's great you have
your own beliefs!
00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:10,919
Yeah!
- All right!
00:20:11,044 --> 00:20:12,212
Yay for the Marshes!
00:20:12,337 --> 00:20:14,297
Oh, stop it!
That's another thing!
00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:16,007
Why do you have to be
so freakin' nice all the time?
00:20:16,132 --> 00:20:16,925
It isn't normal!
00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:19,093
You just weasel people
into your way of thinking
00:20:19,219 --> 00:20:20,595
by acting like the happiest
family in the world
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:21,721
and being so nice to everyone
00:20:21,846 --> 00:20:24,474
that you just blindside
dumb people like my dad!
00:20:24,599 --> 00:20:25,975
Yeah!
00:20:31,105 --> 00:20:32,732
Well, kids...
00:20:32,857 --> 00:20:34,817
who's up for
a water-balloon fight?!
00:20:34,943 --> 00:20:35,860
Yeah!
- Awesome!
00:20:35,985 --> 00:20:36,986
All right!
- Can't wait!
00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:38,488
Water-balloon fight!
00:20:41,199 --> 00:20:43,368
Oh, hey, Stan.
Where's your best buddy, Gary?
00:20:43,493 --> 00:20:45,286
I'm not hanging around
that kid anymore.
00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:47,163
Oh, no.
You guys broke up?
00:20:47,288 --> 00:20:49,207
You guys were right, okay?
The new kid's a douche.
00:20:49,332 --> 00:20:52,043
Now I just got to find a way
to keep him away from me.
00:20:52,168 --> 00:20:53,836
Hey, Stan.
- Oh, brother.
00:20:53,962 --> 00:20:56,089
Uh-oh!
The jilted lover returns.
00:20:56,214 --> 00:20:57,715
I just wanted to let you know
you don't have to worry
00:20:57,840 --> 00:20:59,342
about me trying to be
your friend anymore.
00:20:59,467 --> 00:21:00,301
I don't?
00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:02,470
Look, maybe us Mormons
do believe in crazy stories
00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:03,846
that make absolutely no sense.
00:21:03,972 --> 00:21:05,890
And maybe Joseph Smith
did make it all up.
00:21:06,015 --> 00:21:08,142
But I have a great life
and a great family,
00:21:08,268 --> 00:21:10,144
and I have the Book of Mormon
to thank for that.
00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:13,022
The truth is, I don't care
if Joseph Smith made it all up,
00:21:13,147 --> 00:21:14,649
because what the church
teaches now
00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:17,026
is loving your family,
being nice, and helping people.
00:21:17,151 --> 00:21:19,570
And even though people in this
town might think that's stupid,
00:21:19,696 --> 00:21:21,197
I still choose to believe in it.
00:21:21,322 --> 00:21:23,449
All I ever did was try to be
your friend, Stan.
00:21:23,574 --> 00:21:24,951
But you're so high and mighty,
you couldn't
00:21:25,076 --> 00:21:26,661
look past my religion
and just be my friend back.
00:21:26,786 --> 00:21:28,121
You got a lot of growing up
to do, buddy.
00:21:28,246 --> 00:21:29,205
Suck my balls.
00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:36,879
Damn.
That kid is cool, huh?
eng__SDH.srt
eng__SDH.srt
00:00:12,471 --> 00:00:14,098
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:15,599
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:18,894
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:20,730
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,855 --> 00:00:22,356
♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
00:00:22,481 --> 00:00:25,735
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:28,904
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:33,159
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:35,953
[ Bell rings ]
00:00:36,078 --> 00:00:38,372
Okay, children.
Let's take our seats.
00:00:38,497 --> 00:00:40,624
We have a new student
joining us today
00:00:40,750 --> 00:00:42,960
who has just moved here
from Utah.
00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:46,464
I want you all to say hi
to Gary!
00:00:48,174 --> 00:00:50,217
Hello, everybody. It's really
great to meet you all.
00:00:50,342 --> 00:00:53,763
Gary was state champion
in wrestling and in tennis.
00:00:53,888 --> 00:00:54,930
He also maintained
00:00:55,056 --> 00:00:57,558
a 4.0 grade-point average
at his old school
00:00:57,683 --> 00:01:00,978
and has been on two national
commercials for toothpaste.
00:01:01,103 --> 00:01:02,688
I'm really excited
to live in this town
00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:04,732
and share all kinds
of great experiences with you,
00:01:04,857 --> 00:01:06,233
my new friends.
00:01:06,358 --> 00:01:07,818
Oh, dude, what a little asshole.
00:01:07,943 --> 00:01:09,028
Yeah.
Screw that kid.
00:01:09,153 --> 00:01:11,572
All right, Gary, why don't
you take that empty seat,
00:01:11,697 --> 00:01:13,741
and we'll get started
with the lesson?
00:01:16,368 --> 00:01:18,329
Hey.
My name's Gary.
00:01:18,454 --> 00:01:22,333
Hi! My name's Yura --
Yura Fag.
00:01:22,458 --> 00:01:25,252
[ Laughs ] That's funny.
You're cool, man.
00:01:25,377 --> 00:01:27,171
Okay, now, who can
tell me what year
00:01:27,296 --> 00:01:29,590
the first astronauts landed
on the moon?
00:01:29,715 --> 00:01:31,634
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
1969.
00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:33,594
Very good, Gary.
00:01:33,719 --> 00:01:34,470
Wow.
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:37,389
Looks like I don't have
a class full of retards anymore,
00:01:37,515 --> 00:01:39,225
doesn't it, children?
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,437
Dude, that new kid
is such a douche.
00:01:43,562 --> 00:01:45,356
Yeah. Somebody needs to
put him in his place.
00:01:45,481 --> 00:01:47,399
He's a pecker face.
That's what he is.
00:01:47,525 --> 00:01:48,776
Go kick his ass, Stan.
00:01:48,901 --> 00:01:50,236
Yeah.
Go kick his ass.
00:01:50,361 --> 00:01:51,529
Well, maybe he won't fight.
00:01:51,654 --> 00:01:53,239
Will he bleed?
That's all we care about.
00:01:53,364 --> 00:01:54,156
Come on, dude.
00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:56,283
Somebody needs to wipe
that fucking smirk off his face.
00:01:56,408 --> 00:01:57,368
Yeah.
Little bitch.
00:01:57,493 --> 00:01:59,078
All right.
I'm gonna go kick his ass.
00:01:59,203 --> 00:02:02,164
Yeah! Go, Stan!
Go, Stan!
00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:05,084
I got five bucks
on the other kid. Who wants it?
00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:08,963
Oh, hey, there. You want to kick
the ball around with me?
00:02:09,088 --> 00:02:12,258
No.
I'm...I'm gonna kick your ass.
00:02:12,383 --> 00:02:13,134
Excuse me?
00:02:13,259 --> 00:02:16,262
I'm gonna kick your ass...bitch.
00:02:16,846 --> 00:02:18,597
How come you want to fight me?
00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:20,975
Oh, I get it.
I'm the new kid.
00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:23,102
Yeah.
I guess maybe I deserve it.
00:02:23,686 --> 00:02:24,645
Huh?
00:02:24,770 --> 00:02:26,397
It's really tough
being in a totally new place,
00:02:26,522 --> 00:02:28,691
but I think all you guys
are really cool, so...
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,985
I understand
if there's initiation rites.
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,195
Dude, stop it.
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:34,655
Let him have it, Stan!
00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:35,990
Shut up, Butters!
00:02:36,115 --> 00:02:37,408
The other kids are watching.
00:02:37,533 --> 00:02:39,785
Look, do what you got to do.
I won't fight back.
00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:41,287
I just hope
that maybe afterwards,
00:02:41,412 --> 00:02:43,414
we can try to be friends
someday.
00:02:43,539 --> 00:02:45,040
What are they doing?
00:02:45,166 --> 00:02:46,917
They're just standing there,
talking.
00:02:49,545 --> 00:02:51,130
What happened?
00:02:51,255 --> 00:02:53,966
I'm...going over to his
house for dinner tonight.
00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:55,634
What? How did that happen?
00:02:55,759 --> 00:02:58,179
He's...a really nice kid.
00:02:58,304 --> 00:03:00,639
You were supposed to kick
his ass, not lick his butthole.
00:03:00,764 --> 00:03:02,683
You're having dinner
with his family?
00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:04,852
What kind of family
has a kid like that?
00:03:04,977 --> 00:03:06,228
[ Laughter ]
00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:07,396
Okay.
My turn.
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:08,814
Ooh! 5!
00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:10,524
One, two, three, four, five.
00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:13,903
Oh! "Lost your mortgage --
pay $10,000."
00:03:14,028 --> 00:03:15,905
Oh, no!
[ Laughter ]
00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:17,364
Hey, it's Gary!
00:03:17,489 --> 00:03:18,532
Gary!
- Great to see you!
00:03:18,657 --> 00:03:19,658
How are you?
00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:21,243
Hey, everybody.
This is my new friend Stan.
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:22,661
Stan, this is my mom and dad.
00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:23,787
Hi, Stan!
00:03:23,913 --> 00:03:25,497
It's so nice to meet you!
00:03:25,623 --> 00:03:27,583
This is my brother Mark.
- Hi!
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,084
My sister Jenny.
- Hey!
00:03:29,210 --> 00:03:30,628
My little brother, Dave.
- Hi!
00:03:30,753 --> 00:03:32,880
And my baby sister, Amanda.
00:03:33,422 --> 00:03:35,299
Hello, Stan!
00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:38,427
It's great you could join us
for family home evening, Stan.
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:40,429
What's that?
- That's when we don't allow any TV
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,598
and just entertain each other
with music and stories.
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:43,974
Doesn't your family
ever do that?
00:03:44,099 --> 00:03:44,808
No.
00:03:44,934 --> 00:03:46,685
Hey, kids, why don't you grab
your instruments
00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:47,728
and play a song for Stan?
00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:50,022
All right! Let's do it!
- Yeah! All right!
00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:53,359
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I love my family ♪
00:03:53,484 --> 00:03:55,694
♪ My family is the best ♪
00:03:55,819 --> 00:03:58,530
♪ If we ever have to face
a challenge ♪
00:03:58,656 --> 00:04:01,158
♪ Our family!
- ♪ Can pass the test ♪
00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:05,162
Oh, boy, who is
the best mom in the world?
00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:06,914
Yay!
- All right, Mom!
00:04:07,039 --> 00:04:08,415
All right!
Go, Dave!
00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:09,667
- Yes!
- Whoo-hoo!
00:04:09,792 --> 00:04:13,796
Where be your gibes now,
your gambols, your songs...
00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:16,131
[all]
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
00:04:16,257 --> 00:04:17,341
[ Laughter ]
00:04:17,466 --> 00:04:19,009
That's a great story, Sarah!
00:04:19,134 --> 00:04:20,135
All right, kids.
00:04:20,261 --> 00:04:22,680
Now how about we do
some Scripture readings --
00:04:22,805 --> 00:04:24,306
from the Book of Mormon?!
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:25,182
All right!
- Yeah!
00:04:25,307 --> 00:04:26,392
Whoo-hoo!
- Ow!
00:04:26,976 --> 00:04:28,435
The Book of Mormon?
What's that?
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,437
You know, the book
that Joseph Smith found.
00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:31,689
Who's Joseph Smith?
00:04:31,814 --> 00:04:33,148
[ Laughter ]
00:04:33,274 --> 00:04:35,234
Only the most important person
in the world.
00:04:35,359 --> 00:04:37,111
- You never heard of him?
- No!
00:04:37,236 --> 00:04:39,071
Tell us the story
of Joseph Smith again, Dad.
00:04:39,196 --> 00:04:40,072
Tell us!
- Tell us!
00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:41,156
Yeah, Dad.
- All right.
00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:43,409
All right, you rascals.
Gather 'round.
00:04:43,534 --> 00:04:46,120
Joseph Smith lived
in a little American town
00:04:46,245 --> 00:04:49,039
in the early 1800s.
00:04:49,164 --> 00:04:51,000
[ Up-tempo orchestral music
plays ]
00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:52,835
♪ Dee da da dee da dum ♪
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,045
♪ Joseph Smith
was called a prophet ♪
00:04:55,170 --> 00:04:56,755
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:59,216
♪ He started
the Mormon religion ♪
00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:01,093
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:03,262
There goes
that kooky Joseph Smith.
00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:05,973
You know, he claims
he spoke with God and Jesus.
00:05:06,098 --> 00:05:07,725
Well, how do you know he didn't?
00:05:07,850 --> 00:05:09,351
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:11,645
♪ Joseph Smith
was called a prophet ♪
00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:12,813
Hey, Joseph.
00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:15,649
I told my wife that you spoke
with God and Jesus,
00:05:15,774 --> 00:05:17,401
and she didn't believe it.
00:05:17,526 --> 00:05:18,861
Well, it's true -- I did.
00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:19,737
Where?
00:05:19,862 --> 00:05:22,197
I was out in the woods, praying.
00:05:22,323 --> 00:05:25,075
I was asking God
if I should be a Protestant
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,243
or a Catholic or what,
00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:28,746
and suddenly, God and Jesus
appeared before me.
00:05:28,871 --> 00:05:31,332
And they said I should start
my own church
00:05:31,457 --> 00:05:33,876
because none of the others
had it right.
00:05:34,877 --> 00:05:36,920
And that's exactly
how it happened.
00:05:37,046 --> 00:05:38,547
You see?
You believe it now?
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,591
Well, yeah. Sure.
Why would he make that up?
00:05:40,716 --> 00:05:42,634
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:44,970
♪ Many people believed Joseph ♪
00:05:45,095 --> 00:05:46,847
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:05:46,972 --> 00:05:49,016
♪ And that night
he saw an angel ♪
00:05:49,141 --> 00:05:51,477
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:05:51,602 --> 00:05:53,979
And please bless Mother
and Father.
00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:55,939
And please keep our bellies
full of yum-yums
00:05:56,065 --> 00:05:57,316
and luscious goodies.
00:05:58,400 --> 00:05:59,276
Aah!
00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:01,904
[ Choir vocalizing ]
- Oh, my gosh!
00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:05,491
I am Moroni.
I am a Native American.
00:06:05,616 --> 00:06:08,994
A Native American?
But your skin is white.
00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:11,955
Yes. Long ago,
all Native Americans were white.
00:06:12,081 --> 00:06:14,500
We all came to America
from Jerusalem,
00:06:14,625 --> 00:06:17,669
and while we were here,
we were visited by Christ.
00:06:17,795 --> 00:06:20,422
Jesus lived here in America?
00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:21,256
Yes.
00:06:21,382 --> 00:06:23,050
Eventually my people
were all killed
00:06:23,175 --> 00:06:24,760
by the other tribe of Israel.
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:28,013
And as punishment,
God turned their skin red.
00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:31,058
These are the Native Americans
you know today.
00:06:31,183 --> 00:06:33,352
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:06:33,477 --> 00:06:35,396
There is an ancient book buried
near here,
00:06:35,521 --> 00:06:38,315
written on gold plates,
that account my people's lives.
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:39,817
Also buried with the book
00:06:39,942 --> 00:06:42,569
are two seer stones --
the Urim and Thummim --
00:06:42,694 --> 00:06:45,030
which will allow you
to translate the writings.
00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:47,866
Find it
and fulfill your destiny.
00:06:47,991 --> 00:06:50,077
[ Music continues ]
00:06:50,202 --> 00:06:51,120
Wow!
00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:53,080
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:06:53,205 --> 00:06:55,332
♪ Joseph Smith
was called a prophet ♪
00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:58,168
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:06:58,293 --> 00:07:00,587
And we all know
what happened then, don't we?
00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:02,214
Yeah!
- Yeah! I know!
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:04,174
What happened then?
- [ Bell dings ]
00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:06,051
Ooh, the Rice Krispie squares
are done.
00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:07,136
Rice Krispie squares!
- All right!
00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:08,887
Yay!
- Rice Krispie squares!
00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:11,348
Hey, gang, let's wrap some more
of them up in plastic wrap
00:07:11,473 --> 00:07:12,641
and hand them out to the poor!
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,393
Awesome!
- I can't wait!
00:07:14,518 --> 00:07:15,644
You coming, Stan?
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,354
No. I was supposed to be home
at 8:00.
00:07:17,479 --> 00:07:19,273
Aw!
That's too bad!
00:07:19,398 --> 00:07:21,275
Well, it was really nice
meeting you, Stan.
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:22,443
Bye, Stan!
- See ya!
00:07:22,568 --> 00:07:24,111
Great to meet you!
- Bye!
00:07:27,990 --> 00:07:29,992
[ Door opens, closes ]
00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:31,660
Told you he'd say that,
didn't I?
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,579
[Laughter]
00:07:33,704 --> 00:07:35,664
Yep.
Yep, yep, yep.
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:36,790
Hello?
00:07:36,915 --> 00:07:38,834
Oh. Hi, Stan.
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:41,879
Hey, Dad, how come you never
told me about Joseph Smith?
00:07:42,004 --> 00:07:42,838
Who?
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,756
Shut up, turd!
We're watching "Friends"!
00:07:44,882 --> 00:07:46,675
The guy who spoke to God
and Jesus.
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:50,095
Well, Stan, God and Jesus
don't actually speak to people.
00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:51,513
That's not what
the Harrisons said.
00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:52,723
Who are the Harrisons?
00:07:52,848 --> 00:07:54,475
The new people that moved in
down the street.
00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:56,685
Mr. Harrison said Joseph Smith
spoke to God and Jesus
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,687
and they told him none
of the religions were right.
00:07:58,812 --> 00:07:59,980
Oh, did he, now?
00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:01,648
What are they, religious kooks?
00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:03,066
They're not kooks.
They're cool.
00:08:03,192 --> 00:08:05,110
How come we never have a night
where we don't watch any TV
00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:06,945
and we just do stuff together
and eat and drink?
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:09,239
We have that, Stan.
It's called Friday-night kegger.
00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:10,991
But that's just you
and your friends.
00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:12,826
I said shut up, turd!
00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:14,328
Mr. Harrison said that
I need to be following
00:08:14,453 --> 00:08:16,788
heavenly father's plan, and
I don't even know what that is.
00:08:16,914 --> 00:08:18,290
All right.
That does it!
00:08:18,415 --> 00:08:19,416
Where are you going?
00:08:19,541 --> 00:08:22,044
I'm gonna go have a talk
with this Mr. Harrison.
00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:23,921
If he thinks
he can fill my son's head
00:08:24,046 --> 00:08:26,548
with wacko religious crap,
he's wrong!
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:28,550
Randy, don't cause trouble.
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:29,801
Let me handle this, Sharon.
00:08:29,927 --> 00:08:31,762
You got to put these cult people
in their place
00:08:31,887 --> 00:08:33,180
or else they never stop.
00:08:33,305 --> 00:08:36,016
I'm gonna go kick
this Mr. Harrison's ass.
00:08:37,809 --> 00:08:39,937
This Mr. Harrison is --
is a white guy, right?
00:08:40,062 --> 00:08:41,188
Yeah.
- Yeah.
00:08:41,313 --> 00:08:43,607
I'm gonna go kick his ass!
00:08:44,983 --> 00:08:46,193
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:48,028
Goddamn religious kooks.
00:08:48,153 --> 00:08:49,905
Tell my son what to believe,
will you?
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:53,283
We'll see how you like
my fist in your ass.
00:08:55,077 --> 00:08:56,537
Hello!
00:08:56,662 --> 00:08:58,205
Yeah.
Are you Mr. Harrison?
00:08:58,330 --> 00:09:00,332
I sure am.
The -- The name's Gary.
00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:02,751
Well, look, my kid was just
over at your house and he, uh --
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,086
Oh, you're Stan's dad!
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:06,213
It's so nice
to finally meet you!
00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:08,090
Karen!
Mr. Marsh is here!
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:09,883
Uh, look,
I just want to tell you that --
00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:11,927
Oh, Mr. Marsh!
What a treat!
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,762
It's so nice to meet you!
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,430
Well, thanks.
Uh...
00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:16,473
Karen just finished baking
00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:19,059
the most amazing
Rice Krispie squares.
00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:20,227
With chocolate frosting.
00:09:20,352 --> 00:09:22,312
Come on out of the cold.
You got to try one.
00:09:22,437 --> 00:09:24,982
Or six.
[ Laughs ]
00:09:25,107 --> 00:09:28,318
I cannot tell you how wonderful
it is to have you over.
00:09:28,443 --> 00:09:31,029
I hear you're a geologist.
That is so amazing.
00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:34,199
Look, uh, I actually came over
because I'm a little concerned
00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:36,493
about some of the things
you told my son.
00:09:36,618 --> 00:09:37,911
Uh-huh.
- Uh-huh.
00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:42,207
You know, about...God and stuff.
00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:43,500
Oh.
00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:46,587
Oh, boy. Y-You think we were
trying to convert him.
00:09:46,712 --> 00:09:47,421
Well, I --
00:09:47,546 --> 00:09:50,090
Oh, Mr. Marsh, I am so sorry.
00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:51,800
We just moved here from Utah,
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:54,011
and we're so used to everyone
being Mormon that we --
00:09:54,136 --> 00:09:56,179
we forget not everyone
wants to hear about it.
00:09:56,305 --> 00:09:58,098
Oh, boy.
You must be furious.
00:09:58,223 --> 00:10:00,350
Well...no. No.
I just --
00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:02,686
You just heard your son
talking about religious ideals
00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:04,313
that aren't your own,
and you said,
00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:06,982
"Who the heck do these
people think they are?"
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:09,067
I-I'm really, truly sorry,
Mr. Marsh.
00:10:09,192 --> 00:10:10,319
It won't happen again.
00:10:10,444 --> 00:10:12,654
You can...call me Randy.
00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:14,781
Randy, the last thing we want
is for people to think
00:10:14,906 --> 00:10:16,033
we're pushing our religion.
00:10:16,158 --> 00:10:17,701
We know there are a lot
of beliefs out there,
00:10:17,826 --> 00:10:19,077
and ours just works for us.
00:10:19,202 --> 00:10:20,579
To each his own, right?
00:10:20,704 --> 00:10:22,205
Yeah.
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:23,707
Yeah!
00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:26,043
You know, to be honest,
I've never known any Mormons.
00:10:26,168 --> 00:10:28,378
I don't even know
what you people believe.
00:10:28,503 --> 00:10:30,130
Who was this Joseph Smith guy?
00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:32,007
Why did he believe
that Native Americans
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,509
were actually white people
from Jerusalem?
00:10:34,635 --> 00:10:36,803
Well, because he found
ancient books they had written
00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:37,971
on gold plates --
00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:40,932
right where the angel Moroni
said they would be.
00:10:41,058 --> 00:10:43,894
[ Up-tempo orchestral music
plays ]
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:47,439
I found them!
I found them!
00:10:48,023 --> 00:10:49,775
You're not gonna believe it,
everybody!
00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:50,942
I found them!
00:10:51,068 --> 00:10:51,985
Found what?
00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:55,280
Another New Testament
of Jesus Christ.
00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:57,282
- What?
- [ Crowd murmuring ]
00:10:57,407 --> 00:11:00,369
Last night,
a Native American angel told me
00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:02,454
where I could find another
testament of Jesus Christ,
00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:04,373
so I went out to the woods.
00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:07,459
I dug around all morning where
the angel had told me to look.
00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:10,379
Hmm. Maybe there isn't anything
out here.
00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:12,589
[ Clink ]
Wait a tick. What's this?
00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:15,384
Wow.
00:11:15,509 --> 00:11:19,763
Inside the stone box,
I found the magical seer stones.
00:11:19,888 --> 00:11:22,057
Under that,
I found four gold plates
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:23,975
written in strange writing.
00:11:24,101 --> 00:11:26,728
This must be the gospel
that Jesus told the Nephites.
00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:29,648
Well, they were the most amazing
things I had ever gazed upon.
00:11:29,773 --> 00:11:31,483
Well, s-so where are they?
00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:32,526
Where are what?
00:11:32,651 --> 00:11:35,237
The gold plates and the seer stones.
Where are they?
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:36,405
Oh.
00:11:36,530 --> 00:11:38,573
Oh. Well, I was not allowed
to take them.
00:11:38,699 --> 00:11:40,826
You see,
after I found the plates,
00:11:40,951 --> 00:11:43,036
the angel Moroni
appeared to me again
00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:45,247
and said that I am not allowed
to show the plates
00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:49,209
or the seer stones to anybody,
because first I must translate
00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:51,044
what's written on the plates
into English
00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:52,379
so you can all read it.
00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:54,297
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:11:54,423 --> 00:11:55,841
Wow!
- That's amazing!
00:11:55,966 --> 00:11:58,468
[ Crowd murmuring ]
00:11:58,593 --> 00:12:00,679
♪ He found the stones
and golden plates ♪
00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:02,597
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:04,891
♪ Even though nobody else
ever saw them ♪
00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:07,477
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:10,021
I have some laundry to do.
[Laughter]
00:12:10,147 --> 00:12:12,315
I've got to do
like your father did.
00:12:12,441 --> 00:12:14,359
So, how'd it go, Clubber Lang?
00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:16,570
You kick Mr. Harrison's ass?
00:12:16,695 --> 00:12:17,821
Not exactly.
00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:21,283
We're, uh, having their family
over for dinner tomorrow night.
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:23,118
See?
That's what happened to me!
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:25,954
Sharon, did you know
this guy Joseph Smith
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:28,749
found a new testament to the
Bible buried here in America?
00:12:28,874 --> 00:12:30,083
What are you talking about?
00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:32,043
Well, it's just
that the Harrisons
00:12:32,169 --> 00:12:33,336
are really nice people,
00:12:33,462 --> 00:12:36,339
and you should see how loving
and together their family is.
00:12:36,465 --> 00:12:39,009
I-I think there's something
to that religion.
00:12:39,134 --> 00:12:40,552
That's what they made me think,
too.
00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:41,887
All right.
That does it.
00:12:42,012 --> 00:12:45,223
From now on,
our family is Mormon!
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:49,519
Hey, Stan, how was your date
last night with the new kid?
00:12:49,644 --> 00:12:51,271
Shut up, dude.
They're a nice family.
00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:53,356
Gary is actually really smart
and talented.
00:12:53,482 --> 00:12:56,777
Aww, you guys,
I think Stan's in love.
00:12:56,902 --> 00:12:58,653
Yeah, did you make out
with him, too?
00:12:58,779 --> 00:13:00,572
What's the big deal?
Can't I have other friends?
00:13:00,697 --> 00:13:02,073
You guys should give Gary
a chance.
00:13:02,199 --> 00:13:02,908
Hey, Stan.
00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:05,035
Oh, here's Stan's
little girlfriend now.
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:05,869
Hey, guys.
00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:07,996
Stan, I remember you said last night
you'd lost your wallet,
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,331
so I made you a new one.
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:12,417
I carved a picture of John Elway
into the leather on the front.
00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:13,919
Wow.
You made this?
00:13:14,044 --> 00:13:16,755
Aw, look at them.
Aren't they so cute together?
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,173
Hey, my family's on their way
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,925
over to the fire station
to donate blood.
00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:21,092
You want to come along?
00:13:21,218 --> 00:13:22,260
[ Gags ]
00:13:22,385 --> 00:13:23,804
Uh, I don't think so, Gary.
I have to, uh --
00:13:23,929 --> 00:13:25,514
[ Horn honks ]
Here comes my family now!
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:27,766
Hey, guys!
- Hey, guys!
00:13:27,891 --> 00:13:28,683
[ Laughter ]
00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:30,727
Look!
We painted our faces!
00:13:30,852 --> 00:13:32,062
[ Laughter ]
00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:33,104
I'm a lion.
00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:34,356
I'm an alien.
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,900
Hey! Just what the heck
am I supposed to be?
00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:38,693
[ Laughter ]
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:40,111
My God.
00:13:40,237 --> 00:13:41,988
You gonna come with us
to the fire station, Stan?
00:13:42,113 --> 00:13:44,282
Uh, no.
I've got a lot to do.
00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:47,118
Well, Gary, you want to just
hang out with your friend Stan?
00:13:47,244 --> 00:13:48,745
Oh, well, I'd like to, but...
00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:50,914
Oh, man, I would miss you guys
so much.
00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:52,374
We'd miss you, too, Gary.
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,251
Oh, we'll all see each other
tonight
00:13:54,376 --> 00:13:56,002
when we go to Stan's house
for dinner.
00:13:56,127 --> 00:13:57,671
Stay and play
with your friends, Gary.
00:13:57,796 --> 00:13:59,673
Yeah!
Have a good time, boys.
00:13:59,798 --> 00:14:01,299
[ Laughter ]
00:14:01,424 --> 00:14:02,717
Let's go!
00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:05,470
Our faces are painted!
[ Laughs ]
00:14:06,763 --> 00:14:07,806
Wow.
00:14:07,931 --> 00:14:09,599
So, what do you guys want to do?
00:14:09,724 --> 00:14:12,018
Uh, that's cool. We're gonna
leave you two lovebirds alone.
00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:13,395
The three of us
have to go put in
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,063
some volunteer work
at the homeless shelter.
00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:17,190
Oh, cool!
I'm gonna do that tomorrow.
00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:19,401
[ Laughs ]
Jesus Christ.
00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:23,697
So, hey, I heard your dad
came over last night,
00:14:23,822 --> 00:14:25,532
and he and my dad
talked about Joseph Smith.
00:14:25,657 --> 00:14:26,950
That's great!
00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:29,661
Yeah. I had a question
about that Joseph Smith guy.
00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:30,495
Sure.
00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:32,956
What happened after he found
the golden plates buried in the ground?
00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:35,292
Well, he kept them hidden
from everyone like he was told,
00:14:35,417 --> 00:14:37,168
and then he translated
what was written on the plates
00:14:37,294 --> 00:14:38,503
into the Book of Mormon.
00:14:38,628 --> 00:14:40,255
Yeah, but how?
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,340
[ Up-tempo orchestral music
plays ]
00:14:42,465 --> 00:14:43,884
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:14:44,009 --> 00:14:46,219
What's this all about,
Mr. Smith?
00:14:46,344 --> 00:14:48,513
Mr. Harris,
can you keep a secret?
00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:50,140
Well, sure, I can.
00:14:50,265 --> 00:14:52,058
I have in my possession
00:14:52,183 --> 00:14:54,311
an ancient book written
on gold plates
00:14:54,436 --> 00:14:56,897
that tells of Jesus Christ's
second coming --
00:14:57,022 --> 00:14:58,773
here, in America!
00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:00,901
In America?
Really?
00:15:01,026 --> 00:15:03,153
That sounds kind of...
00:15:03,278 --> 00:15:05,071
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:15:05,196 --> 00:15:06,156
It's true!
00:15:06,281 --> 00:15:07,782
And I'm going to translate
the plates
00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:11,036
and publish it into a book
for the whole world to read.
00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:13,538
Now, I-I know you have
a lot of money, Mr. Harris,
00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:15,206
and I'm just gonna need
a little bit
00:15:15,332 --> 00:15:16,750
to pay for the publishing costs.
00:15:16,875 --> 00:15:18,084
Mm, I don't know.
00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:20,253
How do you expect
to translate it?
00:15:20,378 --> 00:15:21,963
With these.
00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:23,131
Rocks?
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:24,215
They're not rocks.
00:15:24,341 --> 00:15:26,801
They're seer stones
given to me by an angel.
00:15:26,927 --> 00:15:28,511
With them, God allows me
00:15:28,637 --> 00:15:30,221
to translate the plates
into English.
00:15:30,347 --> 00:15:33,850
Watch. You take this quill and
paper and write down what I say.
00:15:33,975 --> 00:15:34,768
Sit here.
00:15:34,893 --> 00:15:36,645
I have the golden plates
here in this hat.
00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:37,854
I need to have them
somewhere dark
00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:39,522
so I can read
the spiritual light.
00:15:39,648 --> 00:15:40,649
R-Really?
00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:42,567
When I put the seer stones
into the hat,
00:15:42,692 --> 00:15:45,111
the ancient letters light up
and change to English,
00:15:45,236 --> 00:15:46,947
which I can then read to you.
00:15:47,072 --> 00:15:48,615
Wow!
00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:50,533
[ Music continues ]
00:15:50,659 --> 00:15:52,202
Ooh!
I'm seeing the light!
00:15:52,327 --> 00:15:54,329
O-Okay.
Write this down.
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:57,624
And so it...was...
00:15:57,749 --> 00:16:01,836
that...Christ appeared
before the...
00:16:01,962 --> 00:16:03,380
Nephites.
00:16:03,505 --> 00:16:05,840
♪ And that's how
the Book of Mormon was written ♪
00:16:05,966 --> 00:16:07,717
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:16:07,842 --> 00:16:11,805
♪ Dum da dum dum dum-dum-dum
dum da dum dum dum-dum-dum ♪
00:16:11,930 --> 00:16:16,434
♪ Dum dum dum-dum-dum
dum dum dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:20,397
One, two, three, four.
00:16:20,522 --> 00:16:23,400
"Pay $1,000 property tax."
00:16:23,525 --> 00:16:26,987
Isn't this great, you guys?
Our first family home evening.
00:16:27,112 --> 00:16:29,072
I want to watch TV.
00:16:29,197 --> 00:16:30,323
We're not watching TV!
00:16:30,448 --> 00:16:32,993
We're Mormons now, and we're
having family home evening!
00:16:33,118 --> 00:16:34,828
Dad, did you know
that Joseph Smith guy
00:16:34,953 --> 00:16:36,538
read the Book of Mormon
out of a hat?
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:37,872
And?
Your turn, Sharon.
00:16:37,998 --> 00:16:39,457
It's just that
the Book of Mormon
00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:40,709
says a lot of strange stuff,
00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:43,503
like that Adam and Eve lived
in Jackson County, Missouri.
00:16:43,628 --> 00:16:44,421
Yes?
00:16:44,546 --> 00:16:45,338
But school taught me
00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:46,923
that the first man and woman
lived in Africa.
00:16:47,048 --> 00:16:49,509
You can't believe everything
school tells you, Stan.
00:16:49,634 --> 00:16:50,844
Your turn, Shelly.
00:16:50,969 --> 00:16:51,845
[ Doorbell rings ]
00:16:51,970 --> 00:16:54,055
Ooh!
That must be the Harrisons!
00:16:55,890 --> 00:16:57,475
Hey, we're here!
- Hey, everybody!
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,602
Wow!
What a great house!
00:16:59,728 --> 00:17:03,064
You must be Mrs. Marsh!
It's so nice to meet you!
00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:04,315
And you must be Stan's sister.
00:17:04,441 --> 00:17:06,276
Oh, I think your brother's
the greatest.
00:17:06,401 --> 00:17:08,403
My brother is a stupid turd.
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,530
Hey, Stan!
- Hey, Gary.
00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:12,449
Well, come on in
and sit down, everybody.
00:17:12,574 --> 00:17:14,034
You're here just in time.
00:17:14,159 --> 00:17:16,619
My son was having a little
problem with our new religion.
00:17:16,745 --> 00:17:17,454
Dad.
00:17:17,579 --> 00:17:18,913
[ Laughing ]
Oh, really?
00:17:19,039 --> 00:17:21,416
Well, that's just because
he hasn't heard the best part
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:23,126
about the Joseph Smith story --
00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:25,503
the one that proves
he was for real.
00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:26,838
[ Cheering, laughter ]
00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:28,256
Ooh.
What's that?
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:31,384
Well, you remember
Martin Harris, the rich man
00:17:31,509 --> 00:17:34,095
who wrote down what Joseph Smith
read out of the hat?
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:34,721
Yeah.
00:17:34,846 --> 00:17:37,390
See, after he was done,
he took some of the pages
00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:40,185
of what would become
the Book of Mormon home.
00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:42,437
♪ Martin went home to his wife ♪
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:44,230
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:17:44,355 --> 00:17:46,691
♪ And showed her pages
from the Book of Mormon ♪
00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:48,902
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:17:49,027 --> 00:17:51,780
A-And so Joseph Smith
put his head into a hat
00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:54,115
a-and read to me
what the golden plates said.
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:57,619
I wrote it all down, and we're
gonna publish it into a book.
00:17:57,744 --> 00:18:00,747
Martin, how do you know
he isn't just making stuff up
00:18:00,872 --> 00:18:03,625
and pretending he's translating
off golden plates?
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,710
♪ Lucy Harris,
smart, smart, smart ♪
00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:07,754
♪ Smart, smart, smart,
smart, smart ♪
00:18:07,879 --> 00:18:09,881
Why would he make it up?
00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:12,092
♪ Martin Harris, dum da dum ♪
00:18:12,217 --> 00:18:14,761
All right. Here.
I'm gonna hide these pages.
00:18:14,886 --> 00:18:16,805
If Joseph Smith
really is translating
00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:19,140
off of golden plates,
he'll be able to do it again.
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:21,267
But if Joseph Smith
is making it all up,
00:18:21,392 --> 00:18:23,478
the new translations
will be different from these.
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,021
Okay.
Fine.
00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:26,815
I bet he'll have no problem.
00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:29,109
♪ Lucy Harris,
smart, smart, smart ♪
00:18:29,234 --> 00:18:31,152
♪ Martin Harris, dum ♪
00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:33,113
♪ So Martin went on back
to Smith's ♪
00:18:33,238 --> 00:18:35,198
♪ Said the pages had gone away ♪
00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:39,494
♪ Smith got mad and told Martin
he needed to go pray ♪
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:42,038
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:18:42,163 --> 00:18:45,542
Look, I'm sorry about losing
the pages we worked on, Joe,
00:18:45,667 --> 00:18:47,293
but I'm ready
to write it all down again
00:18:47,418 --> 00:18:49,003
if you'd translate
from the plates.
00:18:49,129 --> 00:18:52,590
I would love to, Martin,
except...I just had a vision.
00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:55,009
And the Lord said
he is very angry with me
00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:56,553
for letting you take
those pages.
00:18:56,678 --> 00:18:58,138
[ Gasps ]
He is?
00:18:58,263 --> 00:19:00,140
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:19:00,265 --> 00:19:00,849
Yes.
00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:03,601
He is so mad that
he will never let me translate
00:19:03,726 --> 00:19:05,145
from the plate of Lehi again.
00:19:05,270 --> 00:19:08,398
He said we must now translate
from the plate of Nephi.
00:19:08,523 --> 00:19:10,650
So it will be
the same basic story
00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:12,193
but written
a little differently.
00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:14,195
Wow!
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:15,905
If God got angry with you,
00:19:16,030 --> 00:19:17,824
then you must be telling
the truth!
00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:20,201
♪ Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum ♪
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:22,162
All right, Martin.
Let's get to work.
00:19:22,287 --> 00:19:25,498
[ Music continues ]
00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:27,750
And that's how it happened.
00:19:27,876 --> 00:19:29,669
Yeah!
- All right!
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:32,755
Wait.
00:19:32,881 --> 00:19:34,549
Mormons actually know
this story,
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,801
and they still believe
Joseph Smith was a prophet?
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:39,387
Well, sure!
The story proves it, doesn't it?
00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:41,181
No, it proves he did
make it all up.
00:19:41,306 --> 00:19:42,182
Are you blind?
00:19:42,307 --> 00:19:44,225
Well, Stan,
it's all a matter of faith.
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:45,476
No.
It's a matter of logic.
00:19:45,602 --> 00:19:47,312
If you're gonna say things
that have been proven wrong,
00:19:47,437 --> 00:19:49,272
like that the first man
and woman lived in Missouri
00:19:49,397 --> 00:19:51,107
and that Native Americans
came from Jerusalem,
00:19:51,232 --> 00:19:52,734
then you'd better have something
to back it up.
00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:54,903
All you've got are a bunch
of stories about some asswipe
00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:56,654
who read plates
nobody ever saw out of a hat
00:19:56,779 --> 00:19:59,073
and couldn't do it again when
the translations were hidden!
00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:01,701
Hey, Stan.
Don't denounce our religion.
00:20:01,826 --> 00:20:03,578
I don't want to be Mormon, Dad!
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:05,079
Me neither.
00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:06,414
That's totally cool, guys.
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:07,832
You can believe
whatever you want!
00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:09,918
Yeah! It's great you have
your own beliefs!
00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:10,919
Yeah!
- All right!
00:20:11,044 --> 00:20:12,212
Yay for the Marshes!
00:20:12,337 --> 00:20:14,297
Oh, stop it!
That's another thing!
00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:16,007
Why do you have to be
so freakin' nice all the time?
00:20:16,132 --> 00:20:16,925
It isn't normal!
00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:19,093
You just weasel people
into your way of thinking
00:20:19,219 --> 00:20:20,595
by acting like the happiest
family in the world
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:21,721
and being so nice to everyone
00:20:21,846 --> 00:20:24,474
that you just blindside
dumb people like my dad!
00:20:24,599 --> 00:20:25,975
Yeah!
00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:28,228
[ Insects chirping ]
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:30,980
[ Sighs ]
00:20:31,105 --> 00:20:32,732
Well, kids...
00:20:32,857 --> 00:20:34,817
who's up for
a water-balloon fight?!
00:20:34,943 --> 00:20:35,860
Yeah!
- Awesome!
00:20:35,985 --> 00:20:36,986
All right!
- Can't wait!
00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:38,488
Water-balloon fight!
00:20:41,199 --> 00:20:43,368
Oh, hey, Stan.
Where's your best buddy, Gary?
00:20:43,493 --> 00:20:45,286
I'm not hanging around
that kid anymore.
00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:47,163
Oh, no.
You guys broke up?
00:20:47,288 --> 00:20:49,207
You guys were right, okay?
The new kid's a douche.
00:20:49,332 --> 00:20:52,043
Now I just got to find a way
to keep him away from me.
00:20:52,168 --> 00:20:53,836
Hey, Stan.
- Oh, brother.
00:20:53,962 --> 00:20:56,089
Uh-oh!
The jilted lover returns.
00:20:56,214 --> 00:20:57,715
I just wanted to let you know
you don't have to worry
00:20:57,840 --> 00:20:59,342
about me trying to be
your friend anymore.
00:20:59,467 --> 00:21:00,301
I don't?
00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:02,470
Look, maybe us Mormons
do believe in crazy stories
00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:03,846
that make absolutely no sense.
00:21:03,972 --> 00:21:05,890
And maybe Joseph Smith
did make it all up.
00:21:06,015 --> 00:21:08,142
But I have a great life
and a great family,
00:21:08,268 --> 00:21:10,144
and I have the Book of Mormon
to thank for that.
00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:13,022
The truth is, I don't care
if Joseph Smith made it all up,
00:21:13,147 --> 00:21:14,649
because what the church
teaches now
00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:17,026
is loving your family,
being nice, and helping people.
00:21:17,151 --> 00:21:19,570
And even though people in this
town might think that's stupid,
00:21:19,696 --> 00:21:21,197
I still choose to believe in it.
00:21:21,322 --> 00:21:23,449
All I ever did was try to be
your friend, Stan.
00:21:23,574 --> 00:21:24,951
But you're so high and mighty,
you couldn't
00:21:25,076 --> 00:21:26,661
look past my religion
and just be my friend back.
00:21:26,786 --> 00:21:28,121
You got a lot of growing up
to do, buddy.
00:21:28,246 --> 00:21:29,205
Suck my balls.
00:21:29,330 --> 00:21:32,041
[ Birds chirping ]
00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:36,879
Damn.
That kid is cool, huh?
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