Седой рассвет

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♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

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♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

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♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

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♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

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♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

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♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

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Mrph rmhmhm rm!

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

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♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

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Friends, we gather in this place

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to mourn the victims

of yesterday's tragedy,

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nine good people

who were run over in the street

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by an elderly woman driver.

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Oh, God, memorial services

are so boring.

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You insensitive asshole,

Cartman!

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Nine people died!

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Yeah, but like eight of them

were hippies.

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Mostly hippies go

to farmer's markets.

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Mostly.

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It is sometimes hard

in times like these

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to understand God's way.

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Why would he allow

nine innocent people

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to be run down

in the prime of their lives

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by a senior citizen who perhaps

shouldn't be driving?

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It is then

that we must understand

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God's sense of humor

is very different from our own.

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He does not laugh at the simple

"man walks into a bar" joke.

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No.

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God needs complex irony

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and subtle farcical twists

that seem macabre to you and me.

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All that we can hope for

is that God got his good laugh

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and a tragedy such as this

will never happen again.

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Look out!

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Ah!

Was that a stop sign back there?

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Oh, I think I hit a pothole.

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Hey, Dad, how come they let

old people drive?

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Well, Stan,

it's a very fragile issue.

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But they kill people.

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Sometimes, yes.

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But senior citizens have to be

dealt with very gingerly, Stan.

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We can't just take

their licenses away.

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I'll be God damned if they think

they can take my license away!

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Oh, hi, Dad.

- I heard what you said!

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You want to take driving

privileges away from seniors!

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Well, let me tell you something,

pecker face,

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I worked 55 years

in a steel mill...

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Yes, Dad.

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...and I flew Spitfires

over Germany in World War II...

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Yes, I know.

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...and I will be God damned

if the government thinks

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it can step in and take away

my right to drive!

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I think old people

should have rights, Grandpa.

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I just don't want to die.

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Damn it, Mona,

this isn't the fastest way

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to Country Kitchen Buffet.

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No, but it's the shortest.

Save the most gas that way.

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You save more gas

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if you take the highway

to Country Kitchen Buffet!

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Less miles means less gas,

you old fool.

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There's Country Kitchen

right there!

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Where?

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Back there!

You're gonna miss it!

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Aah!

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Is this the parking lot?

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I think so.

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Another death tonight

by senior-citizen motorists.

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Carl Zorn of Pine Junction

was killed instantly

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when struck by a vehicle

driven by Pete and Lydia Melman,

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who were trying to find

Country Kitchen Buffet.

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This latest tragedy comes

only two days

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after the accident

in Deer Creek,

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where three construction workers

in a bulldozer

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were run down

by senior citizen Paul Thom,

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who was trying to find

Country Kitchen Buffet.

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Public outcry is forcing

the DMV to consider

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suspending the licenses

of all seniors over 70,

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though no decision

has yet to be made.

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Seniors of South Park,

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I don't know about you,

but I am mad as hell.

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Yeah!

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Yeah!

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I am sick of having my mental

condition come into question.

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Yeah!

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That's right!

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We need to let everyone know

we're pissed off

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and we're not gonna take it

anymore.

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Hear, hear!

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That's right, Pete.

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That's right.

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Now...

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can anybody remember

what we're pissed off about?

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I remember we're all pissed

about something.

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That's why we had this meeting,

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but I can't for the life

of me...

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Ooh!

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Was it the kids skateboarding

on the sidewalks?

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No.

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Oh, I remember.

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They're going to take

our licenses away!

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Yeah!

- That's right!

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That's right. They're gonna try

and take our licenses away.

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And I, for one, am mad as hell.

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Me too!

- Yeah! That's right!

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I'm mad, too.

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I am sick of having my mental

condition come into question.

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So now what are we gonna do

about it?

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Do about what?

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They're gonna take

our licenses away.

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They are?!

They can't do that!

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You said it!

- You said it!

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That's right.

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So you know what I think

we should do?

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I think we should have

a senior-citizens meeting --

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get all the seniors together at

the community center and unite!

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Great idea, Marvin.

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Wait. I-I think we're having

that meeting right now.

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Oh. Right.

This is the meeting.

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Right, to get them damn kids

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to stop skateboarding

on the sidewalks.

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Yeah!

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That's right!

- This will stop 'em.

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Sharon, have you seen Dad?

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He's not here, hon.

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He's having a meeting

with all the seniors in town

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at the community center.

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Oh.

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Wait a minute.

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If all the seniors in town

are at a meeting,

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that means that when

the meeting gets out...

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Every senior in town

will be driving home...

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At the same time.

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Oh my God.

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Get inside!

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Get inside!

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Seniors meeting getting out!

Get off the streets!

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All right.

Great meeting, everyone.

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Let's do it again sometime.

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So long, everybody.

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Goodbye, Lucy.

- See you later.

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Goodbye, Bill!

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Get off the streets!

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Get off the streets!

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Old people are driving!

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Run!

- Run!

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Oh my God!

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Gerald!

Where are the boys?!

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We've got to get out of here!

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The boys, Gerald!

Where are they?!

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T-They're...

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They're playing street hockey!

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Oh my God!

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With just 10 seconds to go,

the offense makes its move.

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Marsh heads for the goal and

passes the ball to the poor kid.

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The poor kid hands it off

to the Jew.

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The Jew shoots!

Oh!

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And the shot is blocked again,

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proving once and for all

that Jews cannot play hockey.

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It isn't fair.

Cartman's fatter than the goal.

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I'm not fat.

I just have a sweet hockey body.

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Get off the streets!

00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:26,905

Get off the streets!

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Dude, look.

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Get off...the streets!

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Get off the streets!

00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:35,998

- What is that?

- I don't know.

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Get off!

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Get! Streets!

Off the streets!

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Dude, is that your dad?

- I think so.

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Looks like Stan's dad's

been hittin' the bottle again.

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Streets!

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What is he saying?

- I can't understand him.

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Aah!

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Calm down.

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We cannot understand you.

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Mrph rm!

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Oh, Jesus!

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Old people!

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Come on!

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Oh, God! They're coming!

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Get over there.

Stay low!

00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:13,202

Why are they all out driving

at the same time?

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Shh!

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It's okay, boys. They're gone.

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Let's just lay low for a minute

until we can find --

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I don't remember

there being a building here.

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Run!

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I told you to turn left, Larry.

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Get up the stairs!

Up the stairs!

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Come on!

Come on!

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Aah! There's another one!

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Excuse me.

Is this Costello Avenue?

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In here!

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They're not gonna stop

until we're all dead!

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Quiet!

Keep quiet!

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Dad, I'm scared.

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Just keep your voices down.

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We'll stay the night in here.

00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:06,630

We'll stay the whole winter

if we have to.

00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:08,006

I'm not staying the winter

in this room.

00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:10,342

You just need to tell old people

they can't drive anymore.

00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:12,344

Stan, it's not that simple!

00:09:12,469 --> 00:09:14,763

Just relax

while I find the lights.

00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:15,931

Here we go.

00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:18,016

How the hell did we get up here?

00:09:20,102 --> 00:09:22,271

I told you

this was the wrong way.

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Tom, I'm standing outside of the

Department of Motor vehicles,

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where senior citizens have

until 3:00 p.m.

00:09:32,114 --> 00:09:34,241

to hand over

their driver's licenses.

00:09:34,366 --> 00:09:36,410

The new law was passed

just three days

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after the night of horror

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in which all seniors were out

driving at the same time,

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causing 14 deaths

and $3 million in damage.

00:09:46,336 --> 00:09:48,505

All righty.

There we go.

00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:49,631

Next.

00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:52,384

It ain't right

what you're doing.

00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:54,303

I never had an accident

in my life!

00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:57,264

That's right.

You shouldn't punish all of us.

00:09:57,389 --> 00:09:59,266

We're sorry, but this is

the only way to be sure.

00:09:59,391 --> 00:10:00,267

Next, please.

00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:01,893

There we go.

00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:04,771

But how am I supposed to get

to the grocery store?

00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:07,024

Or the pharmacy to buy medicine?

00:10:07,149 --> 00:10:10,861

Well, maybe you should be

in a nursing home, hmm?

00:10:10,986 --> 00:10:12,863

Some of us would rather die!

00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:15,407

Well, we can certainly

help you with that, too.

00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:17,576

We aren't second-class citizens.

00:10:17,701 --> 00:10:18,410

That's right.

00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:22,414

You can take our licenses,

but you'll never take our pride!

00:10:22,539 --> 00:10:23,874

Yeah.

00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:27,919

Oh, isn't this great, you guys?

00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:29,796

Being able to walk the streets

now that old people

00:10:29,921 --> 00:10:31,548

are confined to their homes,

where they belong.

00:10:31,673 --> 00:10:34,051

Billy, get in the car.

00:10:34,176 --> 00:10:37,179

I need you boys to help me

pick up my new Hoveround.

00:10:37,721 --> 00:10:40,349

Uh, Grandpa, I don't think

you're supposed to be driving.

00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:41,808

God damn it, Billy!

00:10:41,933 --> 00:10:43,685

You're supposed to listen

to your dad, right?

00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,479

Well, I'm your dad's dad!

00:10:45,604 --> 00:10:48,774

And that means you get in this

car before I tan all your hides!

00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:51,443

Well, look at it this way.

00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:53,612

Statistically speaking,

we're safer inside a car

00:10:53,737 --> 00:10:55,447

with an old person driving

than outside.

00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:57,199

My God, he's right.

00:10:59,493 --> 00:11:01,244

Hail Mary, full of grace,

the Lord is with thee.

00:11:01,370 --> 00:11:03,038

I shall not walk through

the valley of death.

00:11:04,623 --> 00:11:06,958

Guys, I don't know

if I ever told you this, but...

00:11:07,084 --> 00:11:09,711

Well, I love you guys.

00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:11,088

Except for you, Kyle.

00:11:11,213 --> 00:11:13,715

Okay.

All set?

00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:18,428

Asshole!

00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:23,350

Mrph!

00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:31,316

Uh, I think there's a

police car behind you, Grandpa.

00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:32,984

Huh?

00:11:33,568 --> 00:11:35,112

Go around.

00:11:35,237 --> 00:11:37,072

Go around, you moron!

00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,825

Blue Impala, pull your vehicle over.

00:11:39,950 --> 00:11:41,702

I believe that's us.

Thank God.

00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,083

Could I see your license,

please?

00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,419

I ain't got one!

You peckers took it!

00:11:50,544 --> 00:11:52,838

Well, then I'll have to take you

to jail.

00:11:52,963 --> 00:11:56,007

You just try taking me to jail,

scrotum head.

00:11:56,133 --> 00:11:58,135

You just try.

00:11:58,260 --> 00:12:00,887

Stupid son of a --

00:12:01,012 --> 00:12:02,431

God damn it.

00:12:02,556 --> 00:12:04,599

I've just got him right here,

Mr. Marsh.

00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:05,934

Oh, brother.

00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,145

Well, good job, Dad.

Look at you now.

00:12:08,270 --> 00:12:11,648

Oh, God damn it, don't you

lecture me, you son of a bitch.

00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:14,067

You just had to be

so damn stubborn, didn't you?

00:12:14,192 --> 00:12:16,903

Now my son is gonna talk to me

like I'm 12.

00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:19,740

We're not treating you

like children, Dad, all right?

00:12:19,865 --> 00:12:22,451

Now, I think you owe

Mr. Police Officer an apology.

00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:25,370

Who needs to apologize, hmm?

Who's a sorry-sorry?

00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:27,080

Kiss my sagging ass!

00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:28,790

Well, fine,

I was gonna bail you out,

00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:31,460

but maybe you can just sit here

and think about what you did.

00:12:31,585 --> 00:12:33,295

I won't be sitting here long.

00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:35,964

- 've already called the AARP.

- What's that?

00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:39,551

The American Association

of Retired Persons,

00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:42,220

the largest political group

in the country.

00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:45,307

When seniors like me

are being discriminated against,

00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:48,185

the AARP comes

and sets it right.

00:12:48,310 --> 00:12:51,146

And you're gonna be sorry

when they get here.

00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:56,860

And so you see, children,

Genghis Khan was a Mongol,

00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:59,946

not to be confused

with a mongoloid,

00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:02,365

like the actor Nicolas Cage.

00:13:02,491 --> 00:13:06,161

Okay. Now, who can tell me

in what year...

00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:11,750

the first film...

by the mongoloid...

00:13:11,875 --> 00:13:13,376

That's odd.

00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:17,714

Those ROTC guys

are way off course.

00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,303

More old people!

00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:25,722

The American Association

of Retired Persons.

00:13:25,847 --> 00:13:28,308

Stay in your seats, children.

I'll be right back.

00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:34,064

Set up a perimeter.

Bring Bravo team to Point Delta.

00:13:34,189 --> 00:13:36,566

Bravo team is go.

00:13:36,691 --> 00:13:38,985

Move! Move! Move!

00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:41,154

Let's go!

Let's go!

00:13:41,279 --> 00:13:43,323

Uh, can I help you folks

find something?

00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:50,247

Old people have gone mad!

00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:03,635

Contact!

00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:06,137

Put your hands up, young man!

00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:07,764

Marvin Marsh?

00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:08,765

Yes?

00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:11,726

I'm Bill Stewart,

president of the AARP.

00:14:11,852 --> 00:14:14,521

We've come to help the seniors

in this town fight back.

00:14:14,646 --> 00:14:16,022

Oh.

It's nice to meet you, Bill.

00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:17,065

Huh?!

00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:18,900

We came as fast as we could.

00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:21,319

We just had to stop by

Country Kitchen Buffet first.

00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:24,281

It's the nursing home!

00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:25,740

Liberate our comrades!

00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:28,243

Let's go!

- Get out of there!

00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:29,744

There, now, Mr. Johnson.

00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:31,162

We can go to the cafeteria

00:14:31,288 --> 00:14:33,582

and get you some nice cream corn

and toast.

00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:36,376

Can I help you?

00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:38,211

- Help this.

00:14:38,336 --> 00:14:39,880

The revolution is on, brother!

00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:41,840

We're taking control

of the town!

00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:44,384

We are?

Well, it's about damn time.

00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:47,137

Hey, everyone,

we're taking the town.

00:14:48,263 --> 00:14:49,556

All right.

00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:50,682

Oh.

00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:54,394

Seniors?

We're taking the town over.

00:14:54,519 --> 00:14:56,396

The revolution is on!

00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:58,064

Oh, the revolution?

00:14:58,189 --> 00:15:01,151

Oh, I better get

my other sweater.

00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:04,738

Mrs. Ryland, seniors

are taking over the town.

00:15:04,863 --> 00:15:06,072

Would you like a gun?

00:15:06,197 --> 00:15:08,158

Oh, I suppose so.

00:15:08,283 --> 00:15:09,743

What the hell is going on?

00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:12,078

Shut your piehole

and get over there.

00:15:12,787 --> 00:15:14,039

Randy, what is this?

00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:17,542

Huh?! You are now under

the authority of the AARP.

00:15:18,627 --> 00:15:20,921

Ha!

There you go, Mr. Smart Mouth.

00:15:21,046 --> 00:15:22,255

Look at you now!

00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:23,632

Dad, what are you doing?

00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:25,967

The AARP is going to help us

take this town

00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:28,178

until we get our licenses back!

00:15:28,303 --> 00:15:31,431

Yeah. And we're gonna ask

for more money in Medicare, too.

00:15:31,556 --> 00:15:32,933

That's right.

- Yeah!

00:15:33,058 --> 00:15:34,601

Have you all got Alzheimer's?

00:15:34,726 --> 00:15:35,894

They're not gonna listen

00:15:36,019 --> 00:15:37,562

to a bunch of whacked-out

senior citizens.

00:15:37,687 --> 00:15:38,480

Huh?!

00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,857

We'll tell 'em if they don't

give us our demands,

00:15:40,982 --> 00:15:42,859

we'll start killing hostages.

00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:45,070

Right. They're gonna

really believe that.

00:15:46,404 --> 00:15:48,406

Isn't that a little extreme, Bill?

00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:50,742

Huh?!

No. We got to be tough.

00:15:50,867 --> 00:15:52,744

Just like with those damn Japs.

00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:54,120

This is insane, Dad.

00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:57,082

You all need to stop right now

before more people get hurt.

00:15:57,207 --> 00:16:00,877

The time when you can tell me

what to do is over, bucky boy.

00:16:01,002 --> 00:16:03,088

We 're in charge now.

00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:10,345

All right.

00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:14,015

We've got control of the mayor's

office and the fire station.

00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:15,934

Reinforcements have arrived

00:16:16,059 --> 00:16:18,144

from the nursing home

in Conifer.

00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:18,728

Good!

00:16:18,853 --> 00:16:21,982

Hell, us senior citizens could

take over the entire country.

00:16:22,107 --> 00:16:23,942

We've got company.

00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:28,613

Attention, seniors.

00:16:28,738 --> 00:16:32,283

Lay down your weapons

and turn yourselves over.

00:16:32,409 --> 00:16:35,328

Mrs. Applegate,

show 'em we mean business.

00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:37,205

All right.

00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:38,498

Ooh!

00:16:38,623 --> 00:16:40,083

Aah!

00:16:42,085 --> 00:16:43,795

What do you want?

00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:44,796

Huh?!

00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:47,632

We want our licenses back!

00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:48,675

Yeah!

00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:51,886

That's right. And we want

more money in Medicare!

00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:53,263

Yeah!

00:16:53,388 --> 00:16:55,098

And we want those damn kids

00:16:55,223 --> 00:16:57,851

to stop skateboarding

on the sidewalks!

00:16:57,976 --> 00:16:59,811

Yeah!

00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:05,734

Hey, Dad.

00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:07,861

Stan! Boys!

You're safe.

00:17:07,986 --> 00:17:09,779

Dad, why is everyone letting

the old people do this?

00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:11,114

Why doesn't somebody stop them?

00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:12,699

They've tried to stop them, son,

00:17:12,824 --> 00:17:15,118

but the seniors get up

so early in the morning,

00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:17,912

they get everything done before

everyone else is even awake.

00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:20,165

They're saying something about

taking over the whole country.

00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:21,207

Yes.

00:17:21,332 --> 00:17:23,043

And now,

seeing how early they get up,

00:17:23,168 --> 00:17:25,086

I don't see how anyone

can stop them.

00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:26,796

Wait a minute.

You boys!

00:17:26,921 --> 00:17:28,590

You get up almost as early

as they do.

00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:29,591

You can fight them.

00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,634

Oh, come on, Dad.

Can't you guys do it?

00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:34,512

No, son.

We...like to sleep in.

00:17:34,637 --> 00:17:36,890

Two hostages

come front and center!

00:17:37,015 --> 00:17:37,974

They're coming.

00:17:38,099 --> 00:17:39,476

Get out of here

before they see you.

00:17:39,601 --> 00:17:42,312

Run to the hills and find

a way to fight them. Go!

00:17:42,812 --> 00:17:45,315

Boys!

Avenge me!

00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,650

Avenge me!

00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:50,111

All right.

Check it out.

00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:51,613

Kenny did reconnaissance

on the town.

00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:53,823

The old people have blockades

here and here.

00:17:53,948 --> 00:17:56,326

Old ladies are keeping watch

in towers around the perimeter.

00:17:56,451 --> 00:17:57,660

The leaders,

along with my grandpa,

00:17:57,786 --> 00:17:59,204

are most likely

in the mayor's office.

00:17:59,329 --> 00:18:01,498

So our only solution

is to cut off their life force.

00:18:01,623 --> 00:18:02,916

We can't fight them, Cartman.

00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:04,584

No, but we can sneak into town

00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:07,545

and shut down

their food supply -- here.

00:18:07,670 --> 00:18:09,047

Country Kitchen Buffet?

00:18:09,172 --> 00:18:10,840

Yeah. You take out

Country Kitchen Buffet,

00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:12,175

and old people won't know

what to do.

00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:13,635

That's a retarded idea, Cartman.

00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:15,804

Is it? Two years ago they closed

the Country Kitchen Buffet

00:18:15,929 --> 00:18:16,805

in Steamboat Springs,

00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:19,390

and all the old people died of

starvation in less than a week.

00:18:19,516 --> 00:18:20,934

Yeah.

I remember hearing about that.

00:18:21,059 --> 00:18:24,270

Even if it could work, how would

we go about shutting it down?

00:18:24,395 --> 00:18:27,315

I think I have a plan.

But we'll have to do it tonight.

00:18:28,817 --> 00:18:30,693

We'll start

by sneaking into town

00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:33,029

cleverly disguised

as black people.

00:18:33,154 --> 00:18:34,948

At 5:45,

Kenny and Kyle split off

00:18:35,073 --> 00:18:36,950

and set a diversion

on the east side of town.

00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:40,703

Meanwhile, Stan and I sneak

into the mayor's office

00:18:40,829 --> 00:18:43,248

and steal some of the explosives

the old people have stashed.

00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:45,917

9:00, we rendezvous

at the Country Kitchen Buffet,

00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:48,753

where we strap the explosives

and the timer to Kyle's chest.

00:18:48,878 --> 00:18:50,130

We say our tearful goodbyes

to Kyle,

00:18:50,255 --> 00:18:51,923

and then we send him inside.

00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:55,844

Yeah!

- All right!

00:18:55,969 --> 00:18:57,428

Mrph rm!

- I did it!

00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:01,975

Yeah, or we just go

to Country Kitchen Buffet

00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:04,352

and lock it from the inside

so the seniors can't get in.

00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:06,980

Well, right.

Or we do -- do that.

00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:10,108

All right, everyone.

00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:12,485

Round up your ammunition

and get ready to move.

00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:14,696

We're taking this war

further out!

00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:16,531

All right!

- Revolution!

00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:18,116

Let's go!

- Look, Bob.

00:19:18,241 --> 00:19:21,995

Uh, I appreciate what the AARP

is trying to do for us,

00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:25,415

but, uh, all we want

is our licenses back.

00:19:25,540 --> 00:19:26,749

Huh?!

Heck, no!

00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:28,418

This is going too well.

00:19:28,543 --> 00:19:30,461

We're gonna take

the whole country back,

00:19:30,587 --> 00:19:32,881

wipe out everyone

below the age of 65.

00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:35,758

Wipe 'em out?

What are you, senile?

00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:37,260

Come on, everyone!

00:19:37,385 --> 00:19:39,929

It's time to plan phase two!

00:19:41,389 --> 00:19:42,932

What the heck?

00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:45,852

Huh?

What is this?

00:19:45,977 --> 00:19:48,563

It's 6:00 a.m.

Country Kitchen should be open.

00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,857

I-It's not open?

H-Has to be.

00:19:52,984 --> 00:19:53,943

Try a window.

00:19:55,570 --> 00:19:57,572

They're blocked from the inside!

00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:58,573

No.

00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:01,242

No. Let us in!

Let us in!

00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:02,744

Open the doors!

00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:05,288

It's 6:00 a.m.!

- It's 6:00 a.m.!

00:20:05,413 --> 00:20:06,372

We're hungry!

00:20:06,497 --> 00:20:08,208

Open the Country Kitchen Buffet!

00:20:08,333 --> 00:20:10,418

You have to let us in!

00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:23,514

All right, everyone.

Area secure.

00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:26,434

Collect their weapons

and free the hostages.

00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:28,811

That was a great strategy, boys.

00:20:28,937 --> 00:20:31,564

You may very well have saved

this entire country.

00:20:31,689 --> 00:20:34,400

What happened?

Is it over?

00:20:34,525 --> 00:20:35,735

Everything is fine.

00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:38,029

Control of the town

is back to you folks.

00:20:38,154 --> 00:20:41,032

Country Kitchen.

W-What happened?

00:20:41,157 --> 00:20:42,533

Sir, what should we do

with this one?

00:20:42,659 --> 00:20:44,202

It's up to the townspeople.

00:20:44,327 --> 00:20:46,746

Well, I think he learned

his lesson, huh?

00:20:46,871 --> 00:20:48,498

Don't you feel silly now, Dad?

00:20:48,623 --> 00:20:50,583

I think somebody owes us all

an apology.

00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:51,751

Yes, he does.

00:20:51,876 --> 00:20:54,003

Oh, stop it, Dad.

This is partly your fault.

00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:54,796

Huh?

00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:57,298

All Grandpa wants is not to be

talked to like a child.

00:20:57,423 --> 00:20:58,800

I think half

of what he was angry about

00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:00,760

wasn't what you were doing,

but how you were doing it.

00:21:00,885 --> 00:21:02,220

That's right.

00:21:02,345 --> 00:21:03,554

And, Grandpa,

you should be proud

00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:05,014

you made it though life

to be a senior.

00:21:05,139 --> 00:21:07,433

But you should also realize that

when you get behind the wheel,

00:21:07,558 --> 00:21:08,518

you're a killing machine.

00:21:08,643 --> 00:21:09,769

I know.

00:21:09,894 --> 00:21:12,021

I guess sometimes us seniors

need to know

00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:13,356

when to stop driving

00:21:13,481 --> 00:21:16,150

so we don't put the

responsibility on our families.

00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:18,653

Well, I think this has been

a real learning experience

00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:19,988

for the Marsh family.

00:21:20,113 --> 00:21:22,365

People died,

but we all grew a little.

00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:23,700

Let's just go home.

00:21:23,825 --> 00:21:25,702

Sure.

I'll drive.

00:21:25,827 --> 00:21:28,037

That's our Grandpa.

00:21:30,331 --> 00:21:32,083

Dude, I hate my family.

00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:13,889

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:15,683

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,808 --> 00:00:18,686

♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,811 --> 00:00:20,688

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:20,813 --> 00:00:22,440

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

00:00:22,565 --> 00:00:25,818

♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,943 --> 00:00:28,988

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

00:00:29,113 --> 00:00:33,284

♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

00:00:34,618 --> 00:00:37,621

[Down-tempo music plays]

00:00:37,747 --> 00:00:40,207

Friends, we gather in this place

00:00:40,332 --> 00:00:42,835

to mourn the victims

of yesterday's tragedy,

00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:46,088

nine good people

who were run over in the street

00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:48,132

by an elderly woman driver.

00:00:48,257 --> 00:00:51,385

Oh, God, memorial services

are so boring.

00:00:51,510 --> 00:00:53,596

You insensitive asshole,

Cartman!

00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:54,889

Nine people died!

00:00:55,014 --> 00:00:56,557

Yeah, but like eight of them

were hippies.

00:00:56,682 --> 00:00:58,350

Mostly hippies go

to farmer's markets.

00:00:58,476 --> 00:00:59,435

Mostly.

00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:02,021

It is sometimes hard

in times like these

00:01:02,146 --> 00:01:03,606

to understand God's way.

00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:05,483

Why would he allow

nine innocent people

00:01:05,608 --> 00:01:07,443

to be run down

in the prime of their lives

00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:10,654

by a senior citizen who perhaps

shouldn't be driving?

00:01:10,780 --> 00:01:12,740

It is then

that we must understand

00:01:12,865 --> 00:01:15,409

God's sense of humor

is very different from our own.

00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:18,454

He does not laugh at the simple

"man walks into a bar" joke.

00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:19,538

No.

00:01:19,663 --> 00:01:21,457

God needs complex irony

00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:24,502

and subtle farcical twists

that seem macabre to you and me.

00:01:24,627 --> 00:01:28,214

All that we can hope for

is that God got his good laugh

00:01:28,339 --> 00:01:30,925

and a tragedy such as this

will never happen again.

00:01:31,050 --> 00:01:32,384

Look out!

00:01:32,510 --> 00:01:33,844

[Engine revs]

00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:36,931

Ah!

Was that a stop sign back there?

00:01:37,056 --> 00:01:40,851

[Crowd screaming]

00:01:44,396 --> 00:01:48,400

Oh, I think I hit a pothole.

00:01:49,985 --> 00:01:52,446

Hey, Dad, how come they let

old people drive?

00:01:52,571 --> 00:01:55,950

Well, Stan,

it's a very fragile issue.

00:01:56,075 --> 00:01:57,493

But they kill people.

00:01:57,618 --> 00:01:58,994

Sometimes, yes.

00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:03,249

But senior citizens have to be

dealt with very gingerly, Stan.

00:02:03,374 --> 00:02:05,334

We can't just take

their licenses away.

00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:09,130

I'll be God damned if they think

they can take my license away!

00:02:09,255 --> 00:02:11,507

Oh, hi, Dad.

- I heard what you said!

00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:14,593

You want to take driving

privileges away from seniors!

00:02:14,718 --> 00:02:17,096

Well, let me tell you something,

pecker face,

00:02:17,221 --> 00:02:19,348

I worked 55 years

in a steel mill...

00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:20,182

Yes, Dad.

00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:22,601

...and I flew Spitfires

over Germany in World War II...

00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:23,435

Yes, I know.

00:02:23,561 --> 00:02:25,771

...and I will be God damned

if the government thinks

00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:29,650

it can step in and take away

my right to drive!

00:02:29,775 --> 00:02:31,735

I think old people

should have rights, Grandpa.

00:02:31,861 --> 00:02:33,571

I just don't want to die.

00:02:33,696 --> 00:02:35,030

[Reel clicking]

00:02:35,156 --> 00:02:37,158

[Humming]

00:02:37,283 --> 00:02:38,868

[Ominous music plays]

00:02:45,082 --> 00:02:47,209

Damn it, Mona,

this isn't the fastest way

00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:48,627

to Country Kitchen Buffet.

00:02:48,752 --> 00:02:52,256

No, but it's the shortest.

Save the most gas that way.

00:02:52,381 --> 00:02:54,717

[Humming]

00:02:57,845 --> 00:03:00,806

[Ominous music continues]

00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:01,932

You save more gas

00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:04,685

if you take the highway

to Country Kitchen Buffet!

00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:07,897

Less miles means less gas,

you old fool.

00:03:11,775 --> 00:03:14,153

There's Country Kitchen

right there!

00:03:14,278 --> 00:03:15,154

Where?

00:03:15,279 --> 00:03:17,489

Back there!

You're gonna miss it!

00:03:17,615 --> 00:03:18,824

[Tires screech]

00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:20,284

Aah!

00:03:23,245 --> 00:03:25,539

Is this the parking lot?

00:03:25,664 --> 00:03:26,874

I think so.

00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,755

Another death tonight

by senior-citizen motorists.

00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:35,090

Carl Zorn of Pine Junction

was killed instantly

00:03:35,216 --> 00:03:38,052

when struck by a vehicle

driven by Pete and Lydia Melman,

00:03:38,177 --> 00:03:40,554

who were trying to find

Country Kitchen Buffet.

00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:42,723

This latest tragedy comes

only two days

00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:44,391

after the accident

in Deer Creek,

00:03:44,516 --> 00:03:46,268

where three construction workers

in a bulldozer

00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:48,854

were run down

by senior citizen Paul Thom,

00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:51,398

who was trying to find

Country Kitchen Buffet.

00:03:51,523 --> 00:03:53,859

Public outcry is forcing

the DMV to consider

00:03:53,984 --> 00:03:56,403

suspending the licenses

of all seniors over 70,

00:03:56,528 --> 00:03:58,572

though no decision

has yet to be made.

00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,618

Seniors of South Park,

00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:06,121

I don't know about you,

but I am mad as hell.

00:04:06,247 --> 00:04:07,122

Yeah!

00:04:07,248 --> 00:04:08,666

Yeah!

00:04:08,791 --> 00:04:13,921

I am sick of having my mental

condition come into question.

00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:14,922

Yeah!

00:04:15,047 --> 00:04:16,257

That's right!

00:04:16,382 --> 00:04:19,301

We need to let everyone know

we're pissed off

00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:22,096

and we're not gonna take it

anymore.

00:04:22,221 --> 00:04:23,097

Hear, hear!

00:04:23,222 --> 00:04:24,431

That's right, Pete.

00:04:24,556 --> 00:04:25,766

That's right.

00:04:25,891 --> 00:04:27,268

Now...

00:04:27,393 --> 00:04:33,274

can anybody remember

what we're pissed off about?

00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:40,572

I remember we're all pissed

about something.

00:04:40,698 --> 00:04:42,449

That's why we had this meeting,

00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:45,452

but I can't for the life

of me...

00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:47,121

Ooh!

00:04:47,246 --> 00:04:50,457

Was it the kids skateboarding

on the sidewalks?

00:04:50,582 --> 00:04:52,293

No.

00:04:52,418 --> 00:04:53,377

Oh, I remember.

00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:55,337

They're going to take

our licenses away!

00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:57,214

Yeah!

- That's right!

00:04:57,339 --> 00:05:00,718

That's right. They're gonna try

and take our licenses away.

00:05:00,843 --> 00:05:03,470

And I, for one, am mad as hell.

00:05:03,595 --> 00:05:04,972

Me too!

- Yeah! That's right!

00:05:05,097 --> 00:05:06,557

I'm mad, too.

00:05:06,682 --> 00:05:11,353

I am sick of having my mental

condition come into question.

00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:14,398

So now what are we gonna do

about it?

00:05:15,441 --> 00:05:16,650

Do about what?

00:05:16,775 --> 00:05:19,153

They're gonna take

our licenses away.

00:05:19,278 --> 00:05:21,822

They are?!

They can't do that!

00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:23,449

You said it!

- You said it!

00:05:23,574 --> 00:05:24,491

That's right.

00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:26,660

So you know what I think

we should do?

00:05:26,785 --> 00:05:30,289

I think we should have

a senior-citizens meeting --

00:05:30,414 --> 00:05:36,045

get all the seniors together at

the community center and unite!

00:05:36,170 --> 00:05:37,755

Great idea, Marvin.

00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:41,258

Wait. I-I think we're having

that meeting right now.

00:05:41,925 --> 00:05:44,303

Oh. Right.

This is the meeting.

00:05:44,428 --> 00:05:46,013

Right, to get them damn kids

00:05:46,138 --> 00:05:48,015

to stop skateboarding

on the sidewalks.

00:05:48,140 --> 00:05:49,016

Yeah!

00:05:49,141 --> 00:05:51,310

That's right!

- This will stop 'em.

00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:55,147

Sharon, have you seen Dad?

00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:56,315

He's not here, hon.

00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:58,442

He's having a meeting

with all the seniors in town

00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:00,110

at the community center.

00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:01,445

Oh.

00:06:01,570 --> 00:06:02,613

Wait a minute.

00:06:02,738 --> 00:06:05,366

If all the seniors in town

are at a meeting,

00:06:05,491 --> 00:06:09,036

that means that when

the meeting gets out...

00:06:09,161 --> 00:06:12,456

Every senior in town

will be driving home...

00:06:12,581 --> 00:06:15,000

At the same time.

00:06:15,125 --> 00:06:19,129

[Dramatic music plays]

Oh my God.

00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:21,799

Get inside!

00:06:21,924 --> 00:06:23,467

Get inside!

00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:27,763

Seniors meeting getting out!

Get off the streets!

00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:31,183

[Crowd screaming]

00:06:31,308 --> 00:06:33,769

All right.

Great meeting, everyone.

00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,854

Let's do it again sometime.

00:06:35,979 --> 00:06:38,190

So long, everybody.

[Engines starting]

00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:40,526

Goodbye, Lucy.

- See you later.

00:06:40,651 --> 00:06:42,444

Goodbye, Bill!

00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:44,780

Get off the streets!

[Dramatic music plays]

00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:47,408

Get off the streets!

00:06:47,533 --> 00:06:49,451

Old people are driving!

00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:51,620

Run!

- Run!

00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:53,414

Oh my God!

00:06:53,539 --> 00:06:55,541

Gerald!

Where are the boys?!

00:06:55,666 --> 00:06:56,875

We've got to get out of here!

00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,877

The boys, Gerald!

Where are they?!

00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:00,379

T-They're...

00:07:00,504 --> 00:07:02,798

They're playing street hockey!

00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:05,801

Oh my God!

00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:08,679

With just 10 seconds to go,

the offense makes its move.

00:07:08,804 --> 00:07:11,056

Marsh heads for the goal and

passes the ball to the poor kid.

00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:12,558

The poor kid hands it off

to the Jew.

00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:13,767

The Jew shoots!

Oh!

00:07:13,892 --> 00:07:15,352

And the shot is blocked again,

00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:18,188

proving once and for all

that Jews cannot play hockey.

00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:20,607

It isn't fair.

Cartman's fatter than the goal.

00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:22,651

I'm not fat.

I just have a sweet hockey body.

00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,778

[Voice in the distance]

Get off the streets!

00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:26,905

Get off the streets!

00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:28,157

Dude, look.

00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:31,910

Get off...the streets!

00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:33,996

Get off the streets!

00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:35,998

- What is that?

- I don't know.

00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:37,374

Get off!

00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:40,461

Get! Streets!

Off the streets!

00:07:40,586 --> 00:07:42,504

Dude, is that your dad?

- I think so.

00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:44,840

Looks like Stan's dad's

been hittin' the bottle again.

00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,508

Streets!

00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,760

What is he saying?

- I can't understand him.

00:07:48,886 --> 00:07:50,387

Aah!

00:07:50,512 --> 00:07:51,847

Calm down.

00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:55,017

We cannot understand you.

00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:56,560

Mrph rm!

00:07:56,685 --> 00:07:59,563

[Tires screeching]

00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:01,273

Oh, Jesus!

00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:02,274

Old people!

00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:03,859

Come on!

00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:06,695

[Ominous music plays]

00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,447

Oh, God! They're coming!

00:08:08,572 --> 00:08:10,991

Get over there.

Stay low!

00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:13,202

Why are they all out driving

at the same time?

00:08:13,327 --> 00:08:14,495

Shh!

00:08:20,334 --> 00:08:23,086

[Exhales deeply]

It's okay, boys. They're gone.

00:08:23,212 --> 00:08:25,255

Let's just lay low for a minute

until we can find --

00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:26,548

[Screams]

00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:29,510

I don't remember

there being a building here.

00:08:29,635 --> 00:08:31,345

Run!

[Engine starts]

00:08:31,470 --> 00:08:33,388

[Screams]

00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:36,725

I told you to turn left, Larry.

00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,852

Get up the stairs!

Up the stairs!

00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:40,479

Come on!

Come on!

00:08:40,604 --> 00:08:42,189

Aah! There's another one!

[Tires screech]

00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:43,524

[Screaming]

00:08:43,649 --> 00:08:47,319

Excuse me.

Is this Costello Avenue?

00:08:48,487 --> 00:08:50,739

In here!

00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:52,866

[Screaming]

00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:58,038

They're not gonna stop

until we're all dead!

00:08:58,163 --> 00:09:00,165

Quiet!

Keep quiet!

00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:01,291

Dad, I'm scared.

00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:03,293

Just keep your voices down.

00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:04,753

We'll stay the night in here.

00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:06,630

We'll stay the whole winter

if we have to.

00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:08,006

I'm not staying the winter

in this room.

00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:10,342

You just need to tell old people

they can't drive anymore.

00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:12,344

Stan, it's not that simple!

00:09:12,469 --> 00:09:14,763

Just relax

while I find the lights.

00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:15,931

Here we go.

00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:18,016

How the hell did we get up here?

00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:19,977

[Screaming]

00:09:20,102 --> 00:09:22,271

I told you

this was the wrong way.

00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:26,358

[Dramatic music plays]

00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:29,736

Tom, I'm standing outside of the

Department of Motor vehicles,

00:09:29,861 --> 00:09:31,989

where senior citizens have

until 3:00 p.m.

00:09:32,114 --> 00:09:34,241

to hand over

their driver's licenses.

00:09:34,366 --> 00:09:36,410

The new law was passed

just three days

00:09:36,535 --> 00:09:38,245

after the night of horror

00:09:38,370 --> 00:09:41,456

in which all seniors were out

driving at the same time,

00:09:41,582 --> 00:09:45,210

causing 14 deaths

and $3 million in damage.

00:09:46,336 --> 00:09:48,505

All righty.

There we go.

00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:49,631

Next.

00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:52,384

It ain't right

what you're doing.

00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:54,303

I never had an accident

in my life!

00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:57,264

That's right.

You shouldn't punish all of us.

00:09:57,389 --> 00:09:59,266

We're sorry, but this is

the only way to be sure.

00:09:59,391 --> 00:10:00,267

Next, please.

00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:01,893

There we go.

00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:04,771

But how am I supposed to get

to the grocery store?

00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:07,024

Or the pharmacy to buy medicine?

00:10:07,149 --> 00:10:10,861

Well, maybe you should be

in a nursing home, hmm?

00:10:10,986 --> 00:10:12,863

Some of us would rather die!

00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:15,407

Well, we can certainly

help you with that, too.

00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:17,576

We aren't second-class citizens.

00:10:17,701 --> 00:10:18,410

That's right.

00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:22,414

You can take our licenses,

but you'll never take our pride!

00:10:22,539 --> 00:10:23,874

Yeah.

00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:27,919

Oh, isn't this great, you guys?

00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:29,796

Being able to walk the streets

now that old people

00:10:29,921 --> 00:10:31,548

are confined to their homes,

where they belong.

00:10:31,673 --> 00:10:34,051

[Horn honks]

Billy, get in the car.

00:10:34,176 --> 00:10:37,179

I need you boys to help me

pick up my new Hoveround.

00:10:37,721 --> 00:10:40,349

Uh, Grandpa, I don't think

you're supposed to be driving.

00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:41,808

God damn it, Billy!

00:10:41,933 --> 00:10:43,685

You're supposed to listen

to your dad, right?

00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,479

Well, I'm your dad's dad!

00:10:45,604 --> 00:10:48,774

And that means you get in this

car before I tan all your hides!

00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:51,443

Well, look at it this way.

00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:53,612

Statistically speaking,

we're safer inside a car

00:10:53,737 --> 00:10:55,447

with an old person driving

than outside.

00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:57,199

My God, he's right.

00:10:59,493 --> 00:11:01,244

Hail Mary, full of grace,

the Lord is with thee.

00:11:01,370 --> 00:11:03,038

I shall not walk through

the valley of death.

00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,498

[Groans]

00:11:04,623 --> 00:11:06,958

Guys, I don't know

if I ever told you this, but...

00:11:07,084 --> 00:11:09,711

Well, I love you guys.

00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:11,088

Except for you, Kyle.

00:11:11,213 --> 00:11:13,715

Okay.

All set?

00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:15,884

[Horn honks]

00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:18,428

Asshole!

00:11:18,553 --> 00:11:20,555

[Horns blaring]

00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:23,350

Mrph!

00:11:23,475 --> 00:11:24,935

[Tires screech, crash]

00:11:25,060 --> 00:11:27,062

[Siren wailing]

00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:31,316

Uh, I think there's a

police car behind you, Grandpa.

00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:32,984

Huh?

00:11:33,568 --> 00:11:35,112

Go around.

00:11:35,237 --> 00:11:37,072

Go around, you moron!

00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,825

[Police Announcement]

Blue Impala, pull your vehicle over.

00:11:39,950 --> 00:11:41,702

I believe that's us.

Thank God.

00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,083

Could I see your license,

please?

00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,419

I ain't got one!

You peckers took it!

00:11:50,544 --> 00:11:52,838

Well, then I'll have to take you

to jail.

00:11:52,963 --> 00:11:56,007

You just try taking me to jail,

scrotum head.

00:11:56,133 --> 00:11:58,135

You just try.

00:11:58,260 --> 00:12:00,887

Stupid son of a --

00:12:01,012 --> 00:12:02,431

God damn it.

00:12:02,556 --> 00:12:04,599

I've just got him right here,

Mr. Marsh.

00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:05,934

Oh, brother.

00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,145

Well, good job, Dad.

Look at you now.

00:12:08,270 --> 00:12:11,648

Oh, God damn it, don't you

lecture me, you son of a bitch.

00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:14,067

You just had to be

so damn stubborn, didn't you?

00:12:14,192 --> 00:12:16,903

Now my son is gonna talk to me

like I'm 12.

00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:19,740

We're not treating you

like children, Dad, all right?

00:12:19,865 --> 00:12:22,451

Now, I think you owe

Mr. Police Officer an apology.

00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:25,370

Who needs to apologize, hmm?

Who's a sorry-sorry?

00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:27,080

Kiss my sagging ass!

00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:28,790

Well, fine,

I was gonna bail you out,

00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:31,460

but maybe you can just sit here

and think about what you did.

00:12:31,585 --> 00:12:33,295

I won't be sitting here long.

00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:35,964

- 've already called the AARP.

- What's that?

00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:39,551

The American Association

of Retired Persons,

00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:42,220

the largest political group

in the country.

00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:45,307

When seniors like me

are being discriminated against,

00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:48,185

the AARP comes

and sets it right.

00:12:48,310 --> 00:12:51,146

And you're gonna be sorry

when they get here.

00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:52,689

[Bell rings]

00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:56,860

And so you see, children,

Genghis Khan was a Mongol,

00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:59,946

not to be confused

with a mongoloid,

00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:02,365

like the actor Nicolas Cage.

00:13:02,491 --> 00:13:06,161

Okay. Now, who can tell me

in what year...

00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:11,750

the first film...

by the mongoloid...

00:13:11,875 --> 00:13:13,376

That's odd.

00:13:13,502 --> 00:13:15,128

[Down-tempo music plays]

00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:17,714

Those ROTC guys

are way off course.

00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,303

More old people!

00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:25,722

The American Association

of Retired Persons.

00:13:25,847 --> 00:13:28,308

Stay in your seats, children.

I'll be right back.

00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:29,893

[Door closes]

00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:34,064

Set up a perimeter.

Bring Bravo team to Point Delta.

00:13:34,189 --> 00:13:36,566

Bravo team is go.

00:13:36,691 --> 00:13:38,985

Move! Move! Move!

00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:41,154

Let's go!

Let's go!

00:13:41,279 --> 00:13:43,323

Uh, can I help you folks

find something?

00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:44,574

[Grunts]

00:13:44,699 --> 00:13:47,494

[Gunfire]

00:13:47,619 --> 00:13:48,495

[All gasp]

00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:50,247

Old people have gone mad!

00:14:00,131 --> 00:14:02,008

[Coughing]

00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:03,635

Contact!

00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:06,137

Put your hands up, young man!

00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:07,764

Marvin Marsh?

00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:08,765

Yes?

00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:11,726

I'm Bill Stewart,

president of the AARP.

00:14:11,852 --> 00:14:14,521

We've come to help the seniors

in this town fight back.

00:14:14,646 --> 00:14:16,022

Oh.

It's nice to meet you, Bill.

00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:17,065

Huh?!

00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:18,900

We came as fast as we could.

00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:21,319

We just had to stop by

Country Kitchen Buffet first.

00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:24,281

It's the nursing home!

00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:25,740

Liberate our comrades!

00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:28,243

Let's go!

- Get out of there!

00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:29,744

There, now, Mr. Johnson.

00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:31,162

We can go to the cafeteria

00:14:31,288 --> 00:14:33,582

and get you some nice cream corn

and toast.

00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:35,208

[Dramatic music plays]

00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:36,376

Can I help you?

00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:38,211

- Help this.

[Grunts]

00:14:38,336 --> 00:14:39,880

The revolution is on, brother!

00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:41,840

We're taking control

of the town!

00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:44,384

We are?

Well, it's about damn time.

00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:47,137

Hey, everyone,

we're taking the town.

00:14:48,263 --> 00:14:49,556

All right.

00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:50,682

Oh.

00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:54,394

Seniors?

We're taking the town over.

00:14:54,519 --> 00:14:56,396

The revolution is on!

00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:58,064

Oh, the revolution?

00:14:58,189 --> 00:15:01,151

Oh, I better get

my other sweater.

00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:04,738

Mrs. Ryland, seniors

are taking over the town.

00:15:04,863 --> 00:15:06,072

Would you like a gun?

00:15:06,197 --> 00:15:08,158

Oh, I suppose so.

00:15:08,283 --> 00:15:09,743

What the hell is going on?

00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:12,078

Shut your piehole

and get over there.

00:15:12,787 --> 00:15:14,039

Randy, what is this?

00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:17,542

Huh?! You are now under

the authority of the AARP.

00:15:18,627 --> 00:15:20,921

Ha!

There you go, Mr. Smart Mouth.

00:15:21,046 --> 00:15:22,255

Look at you now!

00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:23,632

Dad, what are you doing?

00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:25,967

The AARP is going to help us

take this town

00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:28,178

until we get our licenses back!

00:15:28,303 --> 00:15:31,431

Yeah. And we're gonna ask

for more money in Medicare, too.

00:15:31,556 --> 00:15:32,933

That's right.

- Yeah!

00:15:33,058 --> 00:15:34,601

Have you all got Alzheimer's?

00:15:34,726 --> 00:15:35,894

They're not gonna listen

00:15:36,019 --> 00:15:37,562

to a bunch of whacked-out

senior citizens.

00:15:37,687 --> 00:15:38,480

Huh?!

00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,857

We'll tell 'em if they don't

give us our demands,

00:15:40,982 --> 00:15:42,859

we'll start killing hostages.

00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:45,070

Right. They're gonna

really believe that.

00:15:45,195 --> 00:15:46,279

[Gunshots, Grunting]

00:15:46,404 --> 00:15:48,406

Isn't that a little extreme, Bill?

00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:50,742

Huh?!

No. We got to be tough.

00:15:50,867 --> 00:15:52,744

Just like with those damn Japs.

00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:54,120

This is insane, Dad.

00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:57,082

You all need to stop right now

before more people get hurt.

00:15:57,207 --> 00:16:00,877

The time when you can tell me

what to do is over, bucky boy.

00:16:01,002 --> 00:16:03,088

We 're in charge now.

00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:10,345

All right.

00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:14,015

We've got control of the mayor's

office and the fire station.

00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:15,934

Reinforcements have arrived

00:16:16,059 --> 00:16:18,144

from the nursing home

in Conifer.

00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:18,728

Good!

00:16:18,853 --> 00:16:21,982

Hell, us senior citizens could

take over the entire country.

00:16:22,107 --> 00:16:23,942

We've got company.

00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:26,945

[Sirens wailing]

00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:28,613

Attention, seniors.

00:16:28,738 --> 00:16:32,283

Lay down your weapons

and turn yourselves over.

00:16:32,409 --> 00:16:35,328

Mrs. Applegate,

show 'em we mean business.

00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:37,205

All right.

00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:38,498

Ooh!

00:16:38,623 --> 00:16:40,083

Aah!

00:16:42,085 --> 00:16:43,795

What do you want?

00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:44,796

Huh?!

00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:47,632

We want our licenses back!

00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:48,675

[All]

Yeah!

00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:51,886

That's right. And we want

more money in Medicare!

00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:53,263

[All]

Yeah!

00:16:53,388 --> 00:16:55,098

And we want those damn kids

00:16:55,223 --> 00:16:57,851

to stop skateboarding

on the sidewalks!

00:16:57,976 --> 00:16:59,811

[All]

Yeah!

00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:01,604

[Down-tempo music plays]

00:17:01,730 --> 00:17:03,106

[Coughing]

00:17:03,231 --> 00:17:04,816

[Sniffles, moans]

00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:05,734

Hey, Dad.

00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:07,861

Stan! Boys!

You're safe.

00:17:07,986 --> 00:17:09,779

Dad, why is everyone letting

the old people do this?

00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:11,114

Why doesn't somebody stop them?

00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:12,699

They've tried to stop them, son,

00:17:12,824 --> 00:17:15,118

but the seniors get up

so early in the morning,

00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:17,912

they get everything done before

everyone else is even awake.

00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:20,165

They're saying something about

taking over the whole country.

00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:21,207

Yes.

00:17:21,332 --> 00:17:23,043

And now,

seeing how early they get up,

00:17:23,168 --> 00:17:25,086

I don't see how anyone

can stop them.

00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:26,796

Wait a minute.

You boys!

00:17:26,921 --> 00:17:28,590

You get up almost as early

as they do.

00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:29,591

You can fight them.

00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,634

Oh, come on, Dad.

Can't you guys do it?

00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:34,512

No, son.

We...like to sleep in.

00:17:34,637 --> 00:17:36,890

Two hostages

come front and center!

00:17:37,015 --> 00:17:37,974

They're coming.

00:17:38,099 --> 00:17:39,476

Get out of here

before they see you.

00:17:39,601 --> 00:17:42,312

Run to the hills and find

a way to fight them. Go!

00:17:42,812 --> 00:17:45,315

Boys!

Avenge me!

00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,650

Avenge me!

00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:50,111

All right.

Check it out.

00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:51,613

Kenny did reconnaissance

on the town.

00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:53,823

The old people have blockades

here and here.

00:17:53,948 --> 00:17:56,326

Old ladies are keeping watch

in towers around the perimeter.

00:17:56,451 --> 00:17:57,660

The leaders,

along with my grandpa,

00:17:57,786 --> 00:17:59,204

are most likely

in the mayor's office.

00:17:59,329 --> 00:18:01,498

So our only solution

is to cut off their life force.

00:18:01,623 --> 00:18:02,916

We can't fight them, Cartman.

00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:04,584

No, but we can sneak into town

00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:07,545

and shut down

their food supply -- here.

00:18:07,670 --> 00:18:09,047

Country Kitchen Buffet?

00:18:09,172 --> 00:18:10,840

Yeah. You take out

Country Kitchen Buffet,

00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:12,175

and old people won't know

what to do.

00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:13,635

That's a retarded idea, Cartman.

00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:15,804

Is it? Two years ago they closed

the Country Kitchen Buffet

00:18:15,929 --> 00:18:16,805

in Steamboat Springs,

00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:19,390

and all the old people died of

starvation in less than a week.

00:18:19,516 --> 00:18:20,934

Yeah.

I remember hearing about that.

00:18:21,059 --> 00:18:24,270

Even if it could work, how would

we go about shutting it down?

00:18:24,395 --> 00:18:27,315

I think I have a plan.

But we'll have to do it tonight.

00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:28,691

[Mid-tempo music plays]

00:18:28,817 --> 00:18:30,693

We'll start

by sneaking into town

00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:33,029

cleverly disguised

as black people.

00:18:33,154 --> 00:18:34,948

At 5:45,

Kenny and Kyle split off

00:18:35,073 --> 00:18:36,950

and set a diversion

on the east side of town.

00:18:37,075 --> 00:18:38,535

[Steam whistle blows]

00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:40,703

Meanwhile, Stan and I sneak

into the mayor's office

00:18:40,829 --> 00:18:43,248

and steal some of the explosives

the old people have stashed.

00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:45,917

9:00, we rendezvous

at the Country Kitchen Buffet,

00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:48,753

where we strap the explosives

and the timer to Kyle's chest.

00:18:48,878 --> 00:18:50,130

We say our tearful goodbyes

to Kyle,

00:18:50,255 --> 00:18:51,923

and then we send him inside.

00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:54,843

[Beep, explosion]

00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:55,844

Yeah!

- All right!

00:18:55,969 --> 00:18:57,428

Mrph rm!

- I did it!

00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:01,975

Yeah, or we just go

to Country Kitchen Buffet

00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:04,352

and lock it from the inside

so the seniors can't get in.

00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:06,980

Well, right.

Or we do -- do that.

00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:10,108

All right, everyone.

00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:12,485

Round up your ammunition

and get ready to move.

00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:14,696

We're taking this war

further out!

00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:16,531

All right!

- Revolution!

00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:18,116

Let's go!

- Look, Bob.

00:19:18,241 --> 00:19:21,995

Uh, I appreciate what the AARP

is trying to do for us,

00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:25,415

but, uh, all we want

is our licenses back.

00:19:25,540 --> 00:19:26,749

Huh?!

Heck, no!

00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:28,418

This is going too well.

00:19:28,543 --> 00:19:30,461

We're gonna take

the whole country back,

00:19:30,587 --> 00:19:32,881

wipe out everyone

below the age of 65.

00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:35,758

Wipe 'em out?

What are you, senile?

00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:37,260

Come on, everyone!

00:19:37,385 --> 00:19:39,929

It's time to plan phase two!

00:19:40,054 --> 00:19:41,264

[Door rattles]

00:19:41,389 --> 00:19:42,932

What the heck?

00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:45,852

Huh?

What is this?

00:19:45,977 --> 00:19:48,563

It's 6:00 a.m.

Country Kitchen should be open.

00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,857

I-It's not open?

H-Has to be.

00:19:50,982 --> 00:19:52,859

[Door rattling]

00:19:52,984 --> 00:19:53,943

Try a window.

00:19:54,068 --> 00:19:55,445

[Rattling]

00:19:55,570 --> 00:19:57,572

They're blocked from the inside!

00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:58,573

No.

00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:01,242

No. Let us in!

Let us in!

00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:02,744

Open the doors!

00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:05,288

It's 6:00 a.m.!

- It's 6:00 a.m.!

00:20:05,413 --> 00:20:06,372

We're hungry!

00:20:06,497 --> 00:20:08,208

Open the Country Kitchen Buffet!

00:20:08,333 --> 00:20:10,418

You have to let us in!

00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:12,295

[Dramatic music plays]

00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:14,923

[Grunts]

00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:23,514

All right, everyone.

Area secure.

00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:26,434

Collect their weapons

and free the hostages.

00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:28,811

That was a great strategy, boys.

00:20:28,937 --> 00:20:31,564

You may very well have saved

this entire country.

00:20:31,689 --> 00:20:34,400

[Yawns] What happened?

Is it over?

00:20:34,525 --> 00:20:35,735

Everything is fine.

00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:38,029

Control of the town

is back to you folks.

00:20:38,154 --> 00:20:41,032

Country Kitchen.

W-What happened?

00:20:41,157 --> 00:20:42,533

Sir, what should we do

with this one?

00:20:42,659 --> 00:20:44,202

It's up to the townspeople.

00:20:44,327 --> 00:20:46,746

Well, I think he learned

his lesson, huh?

00:20:46,871 --> 00:20:48,498

Don't you feel silly now, Dad?

00:20:48,623 --> 00:20:50,583

I think somebody owes us all

an apology.

00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:51,751

Yes, he does.

00:20:51,876 --> 00:20:54,003

Oh, stop it, Dad.

This is partly your fault.

00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:54,796

Huh?

00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:57,298

All Grandpa wants is not to be

talked to like a child.

00:20:57,423 --> 00:20:58,800

I think half

of what he was angry about

00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:00,760

wasn't what you were doing,

but how you were doing it.

00:21:00,885 --> 00:21:02,220

That's right.

00:21:02,345 --> 00:21:03,554

And, Grandpa,

you should be proud

00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:05,014

you made it though life

to be a senior.

00:21:05,139 --> 00:21:07,433

But you should also realize that

when you get behind the wheel,

00:21:07,558 --> 00:21:08,518

you're a killing machine.

00:21:08,643 --> 00:21:09,769

I know.

00:21:09,894 --> 00:21:12,021

I guess sometimes us seniors

need to know

00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:13,356

when to stop driving

00:21:13,481 --> 00:21:16,150

so we don't put the

responsibility on our families.

00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:18,653

Well, I think this has been

a real learning experience

00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:19,988

for the Marsh family.

00:21:20,113 --> 00:21:22,365

People died,

but we all grew a little.

00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:23,700

Let's just go home.

00:21:23,825 --> 00:21:25,702

Sure.

I'll drive.

00:21:25,827 --> 00:21:28,037

[Laughs]

That's our Grandpa.

00:21:28,162 --> 00:21:30,206

[Laughter]

00:21:30,331 --> 00:21:32,083

Dude, I hate my family.