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Тяжёлый христианский рок
Christian Rock Hard
Сезон: 07Серия: 09
Описание
Картман, Токен и Баттерс создают христианскую музыкальную группу. Стэн, Кайл и Кенни узнаю́т, почему нельзя скачивать музыку из Интернета бесплатно.
Субтитры
- 00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:11,929 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:13,806 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:15,599 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:18,602 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,604 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:00:20,730 --> 00:00:22,356 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
- 00:00:22,481 --> 00:00:25,401 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:28,904 Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
- 00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:33,117 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:37,163 ♪ Summertime love's gonna get me down ♪
- 00:00:37,288 --> 00:00:39,915 ♪ Summertime is right, girl, for touchin' in the night ♪
- 00:00:40,041 --> 00:00:42,209 ♪ Girl, won't you feel my summertime? ♪
- 00:00:42,334 --> 00:00:45,463 ♪ Come on and touch my summertime! ♪
- 00:00:46,172 --> 00:00:47,798 Stan, are you okay?
- 00:00:47,923 --> 00:00:49,550 Yeah, Dad. We're just rehearsing our band.
- 00:00:49,675 --> 00:00:50,509 Ohhhh.
- 00:00:50,634 --> 00:00:52,219 I thought a group of Vietnamese people
- 00:00:52,344 --> 00:00:55,765 were having their intestines pulled out through their mouths.
- 00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:00,311 He's right, dude.
- 00:01:00,436 --> 00:01:01,395 We have to define our style
- 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:02,980 if we're ever going to make a platinum album.
- 00:01:03,105 --> 00:01:04,148 I mean, I'm a fusion guy.
- 00:01:04,273 --> 00:01:05,983 But Kenny's background is more Latin jazz.
- 00:01:06,108 --> 00:01:07,026 Mrph rm!
- 00:01:07,151 --> 00:01:09,195 Yeah. And I'm more hip-hop and R&B-oriented.
- 00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:11,614 I think our band better buy a whole bunch of music CDs
- 00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,449 to listen to for inspiration.
- 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,284 Inspiration.
- 00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:16,285 Wait a minute.
- 00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:18,287 That's it! Inspiration, you guys.
- 00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:19,830 - Don't you see? - See what?
- 00:01:19,955 --> 00:01:23,709 Our band should play Christian rock!
- 00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:25,961 Christian rock? - Think about it!
- 00:01:26,087 --> 00:01:27,922 It's the easiest, crappiest music in the world, right?
- 00:01:28,047 --> 00:01:30,091 If we just play songs about how much we love Jesus,
- 00:01:30,216 --> 00:01:32,134 all the Christians will buy our crap.
- 00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:33,636 That's a retarded idea, Cartman!
- 00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:34,845 It worked for Creed!
- 00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:36,847 I don't want to be in a stupid Christian rock band.
- 00:01:36,972 --> 00:01:38,974 You just start that way, Stan, then you cross over.
- 00:01:39,100 --> 00:01:39,975 It's genius!
- 00:01:40,101 --> 00:01:41,310 Just get the hell out of here, Cartman!
- 00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,270 You're not serious, and you're a detriment to the band!
- 00:01:43,395 --> 00:01:44,063 Oh, yeah?
- 00:01:44,188 --> 00:01:46,732 I will bet you 10 bucks that if I start a Christian rock band,
- 00:01:46,857 --> 00:01:48,776 I can get a platinum album before you guys do!
- 00:01:48,901 --> 00:01:50,861 You're on, fat boy! - Okay! Fine!
- 00:01:50,986 --> 00:01:53,405 Ready? First one to have a platinum album wins.
- 00:01:53,531 --> 00:01:55,074 Go!
- 00:01:57,535 --> 00:01:59,245 What a stupid asshole.
- 00:02:01,372 --> 00:02:02,748 Platinum album! Platinum album!
- 00:02:02,873 --> 00:02:04,458 Got to make a platinum album before Kyle!
- 00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:07,503 Oh, hi, Eric.
- 00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,338 Butters, get your drum set and meet me at my house!
- 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,715 We have to make a platinum album! Hurry, Butters!
- 00:02:12,842 --> 00:02:14,218 Oh.
- 00:02:14,343 --> 00:02:16,345 No time to waste! Platinum album!
- 00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:17,638 Must beat Kyle!
- 00:02:18,264 --> 00:02:20,099 Token, get the bass guitar out of your basement
- 00:02:20,224 --> 00:02:21,725 and meet me over at my house!
- 00:02:21,851 --> 00:02:23,978 What?! We don't have a bass guitar.
- 00:02:24,103 --> 00:02:25,855 Your family's black, Token.
- 00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:27,356 There's bound to be a bass guitar
- 00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:29,608 in your basement somewhere!
- 00:02:32,945 --> 00:02:34,530 Boy, you sure seem driven, Eric.
- 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,532 You must really have some i-inspiration.
- 00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,117 Yes -- the tears of Kyle Broflovski
- 00:02:38,242 --> 00:02:39,743 when he loses his $10 to me.
- 00:02:39,869 --> 00:02:41,954 Hey, there <i>was</i> a bass guitar in my basement.
- 00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:43,414 I told you, Token.
- 00:02:43,539 --> 00:02:44,582 So what are we doing?
- 00:02:44,707 --> 00:02:46,083 Gentlemen, we are about to embark
- 00:02:46,208 --> 00:02:47,418 on the most amazing, life-affirming,
- 00:02:47,543 --> 00:02:49,628 financially windfalling experiences of our young lives.
- 00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:50,671 Wow!
- 00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:53,591 We are going to start a Christian rock band.
- 00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:55,509 Aw.
- 00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:57,261 I'm out. - Wait!
- 00:02:57,386 --> 00:02:58,596 Walk out that door, Token,
- 00:02:58,721 --> 00:03:00,472 and you'll regret it the rest of your life.
- 00:03:00,598 --> 00:03:01,932 Christians have a built-in audience
- 00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:03,434 of over 180 million Americans.
- 00:03:03,559 --> 00:03:06,187 If each one of them buys just one of our albums at $12.95,
- 00:03:06,312 --> 00:03:09,773 that would be... - $2,331,000,000.
- 00:03:09,899 --> 00:03:11,901 Still want to leave, Token?
- 00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:15,029 Thank you.
- 00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:17,948 Dad, can I borrow $300?
- 00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:20,201 $300? What in the world for?
- 00:03:20,326 --> 00:03:22,203 Our band can't find a stylistic direction to go in.
- 00:03:22,328 --> 00:03:24,455 We need to go to the mall to buy hundreds of CDs to listen to
- 00:03:24,580 --> 00:03:26,415 so we can define our sound.
- 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,626 Sorry, Kyle. We gave you your allowance already.
- 00:03:28,751 --> 00:03:30,836 Can't you see this is my dream?
- 00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:32,171 Music is my life!
- 00:03:32,296 --> 00:03:33,964 It wasn't your life yesterday.
- 00:03:34,089 --> 00:03:36,425 Look, Pops. I've got the music inside me.
- 00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:37,593 It's in my soul.
- 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,595 And I know my place is up on that stage.
- 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:42,431 I'm gonna make it to the top. I just want your blessing, Pops.
- 00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:43,891 The answer is no, Kyle.
- 00:03:44,016 --> 00:03:45,768 Aw, come on, Dad! Don't be such a Jew!
- 00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:47,770 Kyle, don't belittle your own people!
- 00:03:50,105 --> 00:03:51,440 Hey, dude. - It didn't work.
- 00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,776 My stupid Jew dad won't lend me money for CDs.
- 00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:55,194 No, dude. It's cool.
- 00:03:55,319 --> 00:03:57,780 Kenny says you can download music for free on the Internet.
- 00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:58,822 Really? - Rm!
- 00:03:58,948 --> 00:04:00,115 You got a computer?
- 00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:04,203 See? Everyone on the Internet copies music from their CDs.
- 00:04:04,328 --> 00:04:06,580 We can download them for free and play them on the computer!
- 00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:07,831 All right! Cool!
- 00:04:07,957 --> 00:04:10,668 Let's download some Metallica and some Stevie Wonder.
- 00:04:10,793 --> 00:04:12,169 Mrph rmhmhm rm! - Kenny's right.
- 00:04:12,294 --> 00:04:14,672 We should download some Judas Priest, too.
- 00:04:14,797 --> 00:04:16,173 Judas Priest.
- 00:04:16,298 --> 00:04:18,676 Wow! Downloading music for free is awesome!
- 00:04:21,220 --> 00:04:23,806 What the hell is that? - I don't know. Let me check --
- 00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:26,433 Freeze! FBI!
- 00:04:26,558 --> 00:04:28,352 Down on the ground! Down on the ground!
- 00:04:30,271 --> 00:04:33,065 Hands! Let me see those hands!
- 00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:36,151 Tango team is at Point Bravo! Suspects in custody!
- 00:04:36,735 --> 00:04:38,529 Move! Move! Move! Move! Move! Move!
- 00:04:38,654 --> 00:04:39,905 Move! Move! Move! - Keep your hands up!
- 00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,240 Out to the car! - Out to the car!
- 00:04:41,365 --> 00:04:43,242 Kyle, what did you do?
- 00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:45,077 I don't know!
- 00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:47,496 All right, guys. This is gonna be so easy.
- 00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,164 All we have to do to make Christian songs
- 00:04:49,290 --> 00:04:51,875 is take regular old songs and add Jesus stuff to them.
- 00:04:52,001 --> 00:04:55,087 See, all we have to do is cross out words like "baby"
- 00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:57,798 and "darling" and replace them with...
- 00:04:57,923 --> 00:04:59,758 "Jesus."
- 00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:02,136 All right, Butters. Give me a beat.
- 00:05:05,431 --> 00:05:06,640 Okay. Nice. Very nice.
- 00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:09,768 All right, Token. Give me a smooth bass line.
- 00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:12,187 I don't know how to play bass.
- 00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:14,606 Token, how many times do we have to go through this?
- 00:05:14,732 --> 00:05:16,442 You're black. You can play bass.
- 00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:18,193 I'm getting sick of your stereotypes.
- 00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:20,863 Be as sick as you want. Just give me a goddamn bass line!
- 00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:26,493 God damn it.
- 00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:31,081 All right. Nice, fellas. Nice.
- 00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:33,375 ♪ I need you in my life ♪
- 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,044 ♪ Jesus ♪
- 00:05:35,169 --> 00:05:37,212 ♪ I can't live without you ♪
- 00:05:37,338 --> 00:05:38,547 ♪ Jesus ♪
- 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:41,967 ♪ And I just want to feel you deep inside me ♪
- 00:05:42,092 --> 00:05:43,594 ♪ Jesus ♪
- 00:05:43,719 --> 00:05:45,387 Awesome!
- 00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:58,525 Um, sir?
- 00:05:58,650 --> 00:06:00,194 Shut up!
- 00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:04,448 You downloaded a lot of songs.
- 00:06:04,573 --> 00:06:07,576 Says here you even downloaded Judas Priest.
- 00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:10,037 That's hard time you boys are looking at.
- 00:06:10,162 --> 00:06:12,164 You got anything to say for yourselves?
- 00:06:12,748 --> 00:06:15,542 We...d-didn't think it was that big a deal.
- 00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:17,961 Not a big deal?
- 00:06:18,087 --> 00:06:23,092 You think downloading music for free is not a big deal?
- 00:06:23,217 --> 00:06:24,635 Put your coats on.
- 00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:26,470 I'm gonna show you something.
- 00:06:26,595 --> 00:06:28,722 And I don't think you're gonna like it.
- 00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:33,852 This is the home of Lars Ulrich, the drummer for Metallica.
- 00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:37,815 Look. There's Lars now, sitting by his pool.
- 00:06:37,940 --> 00:06:40,150 What's the matter with him?
- 00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:42,027 This month, he was hoping to have
- 00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:43,237 a gold-plated shark-tank bar
- 00:06:43,362 --> 00:06:44,822 installed right next to the pool.
- 00:06:44,947 --> 00:06:47,491 But thanks to people downloading his music for free,
- 00:06:47,616 --> 00:06:50,077 he must now wait a few months before he can afford it.
- 00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:54,206 Come. There's more.
- 00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:57,000 Here's Britney Spears' private jet.
- 00:06:57,126 --> 00:06:58,377 Notice anything?
- 00:06:59,044 --> 00:07:01,672 Britney used to have a Gulfstream IV.
- 00:07:01,797 --> 00:07:04,007 Now she's had to sell it and get a Gulfstream III
- 00:07:04,133 --> 00:07:07,469 because people like you chose to download her music for free.
- 00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:12,516 The Gulfstream III doesn't even have a remote control
- 00:07:12,641 --> 00:07:14,560 for its surround-sound DVD system.
- 00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:17,521 Still think downloading music for free is no big deal?
- 00:07:17,646 --> 00:07:20,649 We...didn't realize what we were doing.
- 00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,860 That is the folly of man.
- 00:07:22,985 --> 00:07:25,070 Now look in this window.
- 00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:27,656 Here you see the loving family of Master P.
- 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,491 Next week is his son's birthday,
- 00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:32,661 and all he's ever wanted is an island in French Polynesia.
- 00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:35,247 So he's gonna get it, right?
- 00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:37,374 I see an island without an owner.
- 00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:39,626 If things keep going the way they are,
- 00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:42,045 the child will not get his tropical paradise.
- 00:07:42,171 --> 00:07:42,963 We're sorry!
- 00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:44,882 We'll never download music for free again!
- 00:07:45,007 --> 00:07:47,426 Man must learn to think of these horrible outcomes
- 00:07:47,551 --> 00:07:50,846 before he acts selfishly, or else I fear...
- 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,223 recording artists will be forever doomed
- 00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:56,018 to a life of only semi-luxury.
- 00:07:59,271 --> 00:08:01,190 Almost there, guys.
- 00:08:01,315 --> 00:08:02,357 Ow.
- 00:08:02,483 --> 00:08:05,235 Why the hell did you tell us to dress nice to take us out here?
- 00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,946 Because, Token, we have to take pictures for our album cover.
- 00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:09,781 The key to a hot-selling Christian rock album
- 00:08:09,907 --> 00:08:11,742 is a flashy, inspirational album cover.
- 00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:13,827 Wow! Neato! An album cover!
- 00:08:13,952 --> 00:08:15,662 This Christian album better make as much money
- 00:08:15,787 --> 00:08:18,165 as you said it would, tubby.
- 00:08:18,290 --> 00:08:20,250 I'm going to kill you one day, Token.
- 00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:22,294 What did you say? - Nothing! All right, guys.
- 00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:23,921 Stand over there and look wholesome and cool.
- 00:08:24,046 --> 00:08:26,840 I have a timer on this thing so I can get in the shot, too.
- 00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:28,842 Cheese! - No, no, no!
- 00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:30,511 Haven't you guys ever seen an album cover?
- 00:08:30,636 --> 00:08:32,262 You're supposed to be standing in random places,
- 00:08:32,387 --> 00:08:34,723 looking away like you don't care.
- 00:08:36,934 --> 00:08:38,810 Cheese! - No, Butters!
- 00:08:38,936 --> 00:08:40,395 You can't look happy on an album cover!
- 00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:41,980 That's not cool! - Oh.
- 00:08:42,105 --> 00:08:43,899 Token, look away to the right.
- 00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,692 More. More!
- 00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,486 Why the hell would I be looking way over there?
- 00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:49,071 So it looks like you're too cool to care
- 00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:51,073 that you're on an album cover, you black asshole!
- 00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:52,699 Now, just hold it!
- 00:08:53,909 --> 00:08:55,285 Our first album cover.
- 00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:59,081 ♪ Don't ever leave me, Jesus ♪
- 00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:01,625 ♪ I couldn't stand to see you go ♪
- 00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:03,669 ♪ My heart would simply snap, my Lord ♪
- 00:09:03,794 --> 00:09:06,296 ♪ If you walked on out that door ♪
- 00:09:06,421 --> 00:09:08,465 ♪ I promise I'll be good to you ♪
- 00:09:08,590 --> 00:09:11,218 ♪ And keep you warm at night ♪
- 00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:13,178 ♪ Jesus, Jesus, Jesus ♪
- 00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:16,598 ♪ Why don't we just shut off the light? ♪
- 00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:26,608 Thanks for releasing them to us, Detective.
- 00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:27,985 Sorry for all the trouble they caused.
- 00:09:28,110 --> 00:09:28,986 It's all right.
- 00:09:29,111 --> 00:09:30,737 I think these boys learned their lesson.
- 00:09:30,862 --> 00:09:31,655 Boy, I'll say.
- 00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:33,490 If you parents will just step over here,
- 00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:36,285 you can pay their $400 release and penalty fees.
- 00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:39,496 $400 just for downloading some songs off the Internet?
- 00:09:39,621 --> 00:09:40,831 It's not that big a deal.
- 00:09:40,956 --> 00:09:43,292 Not a big deal, huh?!
- 00:09:43,417 --> 00:09:46,086 Come with me. I'm gonna show you something.
- 00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:49,756 And I don't think you're gonna like it.
- 00:09:49,881 --> 00:09:52,384 Ugh, dude, I can't wait to just go back home
- 00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:53,552 and get back to band practice.
- 00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:54,886 Mrph. - No!
- 00:09:55,012 --> 00:09:56,471 Didn't you guys learn anything?
- 00:09:56,597 --> 00:09:58,515 Look, if we make an album, all that's gonna happen
- 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,018 is people are gonna steal <i>our</i> songs for free off the Internet.
- 00:10:01,143 --> 00:10:02,144 We won't make a dime!
- 00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,145 Oh, yeah.
- 00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:05,689 Until we get people to stop downloading music for free,
- 00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,566 I say we refuse to play!
- 00:10:07,691 --> 00:10:08,609 Mrph!
- 00:10:08,734 --> 00:10:11,111 Tom, I'm standing in South Park, Colorado,
- 00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:14,114 where the rock band Moop has refused to play!
- 00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:17,284 The strike started yesterday and could go well into next week!
- 00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:19,620 Oh, hey, guys. How's it going?
- 00:10:19,745 --> 00:10:21,705 We're not letting you back in the band, Cartman. Fuck off.
- 00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,707 I don't want to be in your crappy band, guys.
- 00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:24,875 I just wanted to let you know
- 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,336 the album for my Christian rock band, Faith + 1,
- 00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:28,837 is about to go platinum.
- 00:10:29,421 --> 00:10:30,964 - It is?! - That's right.
- 00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:32,883 We've already sold 13 copies.
- 00:10:33,008 --> 00:10:34,801 You want to pay me that $10 bet now, Kyle?
- 00:10:34,926 --> 00:10:36,261 ♪ Na-na-na-na-na-na ♪
- 00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:37,596 ♪ Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha ♪
- 00:10:37,721 --> 00:10:39,806 You get a platinum album for selling one <i>million</i> copies,
- 00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:40,807 you fat turd!
- 00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:42,643 It's just a matter of time, my friends.
- 00:10:42,768 --> 00:10:43,935 This weekend is Christfest,
- 00:10:44,061 --> 00:10:46,313 the single largest gathering of Christians in the Midwest,
- 00:10:46,438 --> 00:10:48,857 each one of them a walking, praying wallet full of cash.
- 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,525 And I'll be there selling my album.
- 00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:52,694 You'll never get a platinum album doing Christian rock!
- 00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:55,238 It was a stupid idea then, and it's a stupid idea now!
- 00:10:55,364 --> 00:10:57,366 Yeah! You don't even know anything about Christianity!
- 00:10:57,491 --> 00:10:59,201 I know enough to exploit it.
- 00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:02,037 Just get that 10 bucks ready, Kyle. Ta-ta.
- 00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,038 Go ahead!
- 00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,122 People will just download your songs
- 00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:05,582 for free on the Internet anyways!
- 00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:07,918 What a dumb-ass. Our band is way cooler than his.
- 00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:09,127 Mrph.
- 00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:16,218 Psalm T-shirts!
- 00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:18,095 Get a T-shirt with your favorite Psalm!
- 00:11:18,220 --> 00:11:20,764 Leather-bound Bibles! Show your faith!
- 00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:22,516 Yes, it's really the best Christian album
- 00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:23,850 that's ever been produced, actually.
- 00:11:23,975 --> 00:11:26,144 Ooh! This would be great for my grandchildren.
- 00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:29,690 They need hip, cool music, but with inspirational lyrics.
- 00:11:29,815 --> 00:11:32,025 I think that's what the whole world needs. Praise Christ.
- 00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:34,903 We're not really Christian. We're just pretendin' we are!
- 00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:39,241 Butters, remind me later to cut your balls off.
- 00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:40,992 All right, everyone!
- 00:11:41,118 --> 00:11:44,996 Welcome to Christfest 2003!
- 00:11:45,122 --> 00:11:47,708 Are you ready for some live music?
- 00:11:49,292 --> 00:11:50,502 Yeah! Jesus!
- 00:11:50,627 --> 00:11:52,295 Praise the Lord!
- 00:11:52,421 --> 00:11:53,630 Then let's give it up now
- 00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:56,842 for one of Christian rock's biggest bands, Trinity!
- 00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:00,762 ♪ He's the shepherd and the light ♪
- 00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:03,140 ♪ And His word lifted me up ♪
- 00:12:03,265 --> 00:12:07,769 ♪ And I praise His holy name wherever I go ♪
- 00:12:08,478 --> 00:12:09,187 Damn it!
- 00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:10,856 If we're gonna sell our hot Christian album,
- 00:12:10,981 --> 00:12:12,357 we have got to get on that stage!
- 00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:14,359 Hey, is this the way to the backstage?
- 00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:16,528 Who are you? - We're the band Sanctified.
- 00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:17,654 We play metal and punk
- 00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:19,865 but with lyrics that inspire faith in Christ.
- 00:12:19,990 --> 00:12:22,075 Yeah, we prove that Christian music can be tough
- 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,076 and hard-core.
- 00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:24,619 Yeah, you guys are real hard-core.
- 00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:27,247 You bet your gosh darn rear end we are!
- 00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:29,833 All right. Uh, Sanctified? You guys are up next.
- 00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:31,668 Yeah! Let's do it!
- 00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:33,587 ♪ Sent down from heaven ♪
- 00:12:33,712 --> 00:12:35,630 ♪ The spirit and the glory ♪
- 00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:36,631 H-Hey, guys. Wait.
- 00:12:36,757 --> 00:12:39,259 Uh, we want to pray with you before you go onstage.
- 00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:40,510 Oh, that -- that's cool.
- 00:12:40,635 --> 00:12:42,763 Always good to be prayin' before you're playin'.
- 00:12:42,888 --> 00:12:44,931 Let's just go over here so we can hear ourselves better.
- 00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:46,099 Lord, father in heaven,
- 00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:48,268 we thank you for all your blessings on this...
- 00:12:50,854 --> 00:12:53,940 Hey, Eric, I don't think they can get out!
- 00:12:56,485 --> 00:12:59,696 All right, Christians! How we feeling tonight?!
- 00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:01,198 Yeah! Praise Jesus!
- 00:13:01,323 --> 00:13:02,365 Praise him! - Praise the Lord!
- 00:13:02,491 --> 00:13:04,409 Well, let's keep this salvation train going
- 00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:07,037 with the hot band Sanctified!
- 00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:08,163 Faith + 1.
- 00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,749 Uh, a-apparently there's been a change.
- 00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:14,669 Give it up for Faith + 1!
- 00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:18,757 You know, Jesus,
- 00:13:18,882 --> 00:13:20,717 I've been thinking a lot about you lately.
- 00:13:20,842 --> 00:13:24,805 And, well, that's why I wrote this song.
- 00:13:25,514 --> 00:13:29,309 ♪ I love you, Jesus ♪
- 00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:32,437 ♪ I want you to walk with me ♪
- 00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:35,982 ♪ I'll take good care of you, baby ♪
- 00:13:36,107 --> 00:13:39,861 ♪ Call you my baby, baby ♪
- 00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:42,572 ♪ You died for my sins ♪
- 00:13:42,697 --> 00:13:46,409 ♪ And you know that I would die for you, right? ♪
- 00:13:46,535 --> 00:13:49,538 ♪ What's the matter, baby? ♪
- 00:13:49,663 --> 00:13:53,667 ♪ You're tremblin', Jesus, baby ♪
- 00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:56,461 ♪ Your love is my light ♪
- 00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:57,629 ♪ You know when I'm without you ♪
- 00:13:57,754 --> 00:13:59,631 ♪ There's a black hole in my life ♪
- 00:13:59,756 --> 00:14:02,843 ♪ Oh, I want to believe it's all right ♪
- 00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:04,803 ♪ But I get lonely in the night ♪
- 00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:08,640 ♪ And it's up to you to save me ♪
- 00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:12,686 ♪ Jesus, baby ♪
- 00:14:17,107 --> 00:14:19,776 Dude, I didn't know being in a band was gonna be this tough.
- 00:14:19,901 --> 00:14:20,819 Yeah, it's tough.
- 00:14:20,944 --> 00:14:21,862 But it's times like these
- 00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:23,613 that you see what your band is made of.
- 00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:26,157 We've got to fight through the rough times, like Journey.
- 00:14:26,283 --> 00:14:28,159 Tom, we're now entering the second day
- 00:14:28,285 --> 00:14:30,370 of the rock band Moop's refusal to play
- 00:14:30,495 --> 00:14:33,874 and the second day of absolutely no other news to report on.
- 00:14:33,999 --> 00:14:36,710 In a recent poll, we asked people if Moop's refusal to play
- 00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:39,421 would stop them from downloading music off the Internet.
- 00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:42,507 1% percent said yes, 2% said no,
- 00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:45,886 and 97% said, "Who the hell is Moop?"
- 00:14:46,011 --> 00:14:47,262 Back to you, Tom.
- 00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:50,765 Hey, are you the guys protesting free Internet music downloading?
- 00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:53,184 Hey, it's that Lars Ulrich guy! - That's right.
- 00:14:53,310 --> 00:14:55,896 Metallica is behind you dudes 1,000%!
- 00:14:56,021 --> 00:14:57,981 We're gonna sit here and protest with you
- 00:14:58,106 --> 00:15:00,400 until free downloading stops, yeah!
- 00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:03,570 Tom, it appears now the musicians strike is growing!
- 00:15:03,695 --> 00:15:06,573 As I'm speaking, more musicians are arriving!
- 00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:08,408 It looks like Alanis Morissette,
- 00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:11,077 Blink-182, Britney Spears, and dozens of others
- 00:15:11,202 --> 00:15:13,997 are going to join Moop in not playing music.
- 00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:16,833 This is a veritable Strike-apalooza!
- 00:15:23,048 --> 00:15:25,258 Guys, we here at Faith Records were very moved
- 00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:26,927 by your performance at Christfest.
- 00:15:27,052 --> 00:15:28,845 You're one of the most talented Christian rock bands
- 00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:30,305 we've ever heard!
- 00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,973 Thank you so much.
- 00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:34,059 Christ has really blessed us with talent.
- 00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:35,518 Yeah!
- 00:15:35,644 --> 00:15:37,395 We just had one question, though.
- 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,648 We were looking over some of your lyrics.
- 00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:42,901 Uh, "I want to walk hand in hand with Jesus
- 00:15:43,026 --> 00:15:44,611 on a private beach for two.
- 00:15:44,736 --> 00:15:48,865 I want him to nibble on my ear and say, 'I'm here for you."'
- 00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:52,118 It -- It seems you <i>really</i> love Christ.
- 00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:53,662 Yes, we sure do.
- 00:15:53,787 --> 00:15:58,917 No, but I-it appears you are actually in love with Christ.
- 00:15:59,042 --> 00:16:00,669 Well, what are you saying?
- 00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:02,754 That -- That you don't really love Christ?
- 00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:04,756 Well, of -- of course I do. I mean, I just --
- 00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:06,257 Well, what's the difference? You love Christ.
- 00:16:06,383 --> 00:16:08,343 You're in love with Christ. I mean, what the heck is this?!
- 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,512 We just like to make sure the bands we sign
- 00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,681 are in it for God and not for the money.
- 00:16:12,806 --> 00:16:13,974 I resent that, sir.
- 00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:17,018 I have never in my life done anything just for the money.
- 00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:20,021 If I'm lying, may the Lord strike me down right now.
- 00:16:20,146 --> 00:16:23,024 Uh-oh.
- 00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:24,401 That's all we needed to know.
- 00:16:24,526 --> 00:16:27,153 Just sign here and we'll get your album sold.
- 00:16:27,278 --> 00:16:30,782 <i>K-tal Records presents the most inspirational</i>
- 00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:34,160 <i>Christian rock band in the world, Faith + 1,</i>
- 00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:35,328 <i>featuring the very best</i>
- 00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:37,580 <i>in good, wholesome Christian music.</i>
- 00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:40,166 ♪ Oh, Lord, you are my savior ♪
- 00:16:40,291 --> 00:16:43,670 ♪ You know I miss you so much when you are gone ♪
- 00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:45,213 <i>With great inspirational songs</i>
- 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,757 <i>like "I Wasn't Born Again Yesterday."</i>
- 00:16:47,882 --> 00:16:49,926 ♪ Yes, I may be born again ♪
- 00:16:50,051 --> 00:16:53,179 ♪ But I wasn't born again yesterday ♪♪
- 00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:57,017 ♪ I want to get down on my knees and start pleasin' Jesus ♪
- 00:16:57,142 --> 00:17:00,228 ♪ I want to feel his salvation all over my face ♪
- 00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:02,897 <i>The CD is filled with instant classics.</i>
- 00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:04,315 <i>Who doesn't remember...</i>
- 00:17:04,441 --> 00:17:05,817 ♪ The body of Christ ♪
- 00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:08,153 ♪ Sleek swimmer's body all muscled up and toned ♪
- 00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:10,196 ♪ The body of Christ, oh, what a body ♪
- 00:17:10,321 --> 00:17:12,198 ♪ I wish I could call it my own ♪♪
- 00:17:12,323 --> 00:17:15,493 ♪ You're one time, two times ♪
- 00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:18,496 ♪ Three times my savior ♪♪
- 00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:21,249 ♪ Whenever I see Jesus up on that cross ♪
- 00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,835 ♪ I can't help but think that he looks kinda hot ♪
- 00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,754 <i>This album is not available in stores,</i>
- 00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:27,630 <i>and limited quantities are available.</i>
- 00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:28,631 <i>So order now.</i>
- 00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:34,345 I can't take this much longer.
- 00:17:34,471 --> 00:17:36,431 Maybe we're just not cut out to be in a band.
- 00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:38,308 You guys, we can't give up on our dreams now!
- 00:17:38,433 --> 00:17:39,350 As soon as this strike ends,
- 00:17:39,476 --> 00:17:40,769 we're gonna be the biggest band ever!
- 00:17:40,894 --> 00:17:42,103 Yeah, if we all give in now,
- 00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:44,939 people might never stop downloading our music for free!
- 00:17:45,065 --> 00:17:46,441 I'm sure we're gonna get word any minute
- 00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:47,817 that people have agreed to stop.
- 00:17:49,194 --> 00:17:52,280 Certified letter for the rock band Moop.
- 00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:53,740 That's us!
- 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:56,576 "Dear Moop,
- 00:17:56,701 --> 00:17:59,788 this letter is to inform you that Faith + 1's debut album
- 00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:02,373 has just sold one million copies."
- 00:18:02,499 --> 00:18:03,208 What?
- 00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:04,375 "We cordially invite you
- 00:18:04,501 --> 00:18:06,336 to attend the platinum-album award ceremony
- 00:18:06,461 --> 00:18:08,213 which will be held tomorrow morning at 10:00.
- 00:18:08,338 --> 00:18:10,465 Details and proof of sales enclosed.
- 00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:14,803 P.S. -- Na-na-na-na-na-na. ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha."
- 00:18:16,096 --> 00:18:18,890 He did it. Cartman got a platinum album.
- 00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:21,059 Is this for real? T-This is for real!
- 00:18:21,184 --> 00:18:23,895 He beat us because all this time we've been so caught up
- 00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:26,606 with how to protect our music that we forgot to just play!
- 00:18:26,731 --> 00:18:29,442 But why play if we're not gonna make millions of dollars?
- 00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:31,152 Because that's what real artists do.
- 00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:33,113 People are always gonna find a way to copy our music
- 00:18:33,238 --> 00:18:34,280 and swap it for free.
- 00:18:34,405 --> 00:18:36,366 If we're real musicians, then we should just play
- 00:18:36,491 --> 00:18:38,159 and be stoked that so many people are listening.
- 00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:40,662 Besides, maybe our songs would have gotten downloaded for free.
- 00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:41,663 But if they were good songs,
- 00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:42,956 people still would've bought tickets
- 00:18:43,081 --> 00:18:44,124 to see our band in concert.
- 00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:46,084 From now on, Moop isn't about money.
- 00:18:46,209 --> 00:18:47,585 Moop is about music!
- 00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:50,672 We're not striking anymore! Who's with us?!
- 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:52,924 We're just about the money.
- 00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:53,842 Yeah. - Yeah.
- 00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:54,884 Yeah.
- 00:18:55,009 --> 00:18:55,885 Oh.
- 00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:57,804 So, dude, what are you gonna do about your bet with Cartman?
- 00:18:57,929 --> 00:18:58,972 Are you gonna pay him?
- 00:18:59,097 --> 00:19:00,306 I don't have a choice, dude.
- 00:19:00,431 --> 00:19:02,142 I'm gonna swallow my pride, face Cartman,
- 00:19:02,267 --> 00:19:03,977 and say, "Congratulations. You were right."
- 00:19:04,102 --> 00:19:05,478 And I'm gonna give him the $10.
- 00:19:05,603 --> 00:19:08,314 And hopefully he won't make a big deal out of it.
- 00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:18,658 Welcome! Welcome, everyone! Please enjoy!
- 00:19:18,783 --> 00:19:20,326 The presentation should begin shortly.
- 00:19:20,451 --> 00:19:21,870 Cartman, what the hell is all this?
- 00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:23,997 Our platinum-album ceremony. I've spared no expense.
- 00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:25,665 But you spent all the money we made!
- 00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:27,792 We're Faith + 1, Token. There'll be plenty more money.
- 00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:29,544 Relax and enjoy, black asshole.
- 00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:30,879 There's hors d'oeuvres and drinks
- 00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:32,213 by the Ferris wheel, everyone!
- 00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:35,425 Oh, Kyle! Guys! So nice to see you!
- 00:19:35,550 --> 00:19:36,926 Let's just get this over with, Cartman.
- 00:19:37,051 --> 00:19:38,219 You won the bet. Here's $10.
- 00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:40,513 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not yet, Kyle. Hold on.
- 00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:42,765 Everyone? Everyone, can I have your attention, please?
- 00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:45,268 Whoo-hoo! Faith + 1!
- 00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:47,270 We love you! Praise Christ!
- 00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:48,813 Yes, yes. Thank -- Thank you. Praise Him.
- 00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:50,940 I think we're ready to start now.
- 00:19:52,483 --> 00:19:56,905 Welcome to the presentation ceremony for Faith + 1!
- 00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:02,327 And now to present the award, here is Michael Collins!
- 00:20:02,452 --> 00:20:04,078 This is the worst day of my life.
- 00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:06,331 Ah. This is the best day of my life.
- 00:20:06,456 --> 00:20:09,709 Boys, in recognition of over one million records sold,
- 00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:12,170 the Christian recording industry is pleased to present you
- 00:20:12,295 --> 00:20:14,297 with this myrrh album.
- 00:20:16,341 --> 00:20:18,218 Thank you very -- myrrh album?
- 00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:19,886 I thought albums went either gold or platinum.
- 00:20:20,011 --> 00:20:21,763 No, no, in Christian rock, our albums go gold,
- 00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:23,306 then Frankincense, then myrrh.
- 00:20:23,431 --> 00:20:24,474 Congratulations!
- 00:20:24,599 --> 00:20:25,225 Ha!
- 00:20:25,350 --> 00:20:26,809 Our bet was you would get a platinum album,
- 00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:27,936 not a myrrh album!
- 00:20:28,061 --> 00:20:30,063 I don't owe you anything, fat boy!
- 00:20:30,188 --> 00:20:31,731 You mean I can never get a platinum album
- 00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:32,815 with a Christian rock band?
- 00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:34,484 No, but you can go double myrrh.
- 00:20:36,277 --> 00:20:38,154 God damn it!
- 00:20:39,864 --> 00:20:41,449 Oh, please don't take the Lord's name in vain.
- 00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:42,325 Who cares?!
- 00:20:42,450 --> 00:20:44,285 I can never win my bet because you stupid assholes
- 00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:45,787 don't give out platinum albums!
- 00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:47,163 But you've spread the word of the Lord.
- 00:20:47,288 --> 00:20:48,665 You've brought faith in Jesus.
- 00:20:48,790 --> 00:20:50,250 Oh, fuck Jesus!
- 00:20:52,835 --> 00:20:53,878 Eric, I-I'm pretty sure
- 00:20:54,003 --> 00:20:55,880 you shouldn't say the "F" word about Jesus.
- 00:20:56,005 --> 00:20:57,382 Yeah. You're gonna hurt the band.
- 00:20:57,507 --> 00:21:00,051 Who fucking cares, Token? I can never beat Kyle now!
- 00:21:00,176 --> 00:21:02,345 I'll say it again! Fuck Jesus!
- 00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:05,056 My ears are bleeding!
- 00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:07,433 Good job, dick head! You lost the entire audience!
- 00:21:07,558 --> 00:21:10,019 Aw, fuck you, Token, you black asshole!
- 00:21:10,144 --> 00:21:11,521 Aah! Oh!
- 00:21:11,646 --> 00:21:13,815 Ugh!
- 00:21:18,236 --> 00:21:20,113 Hmm. Guess he got what he deserved.
- 00:21:30,415 --> 00:21:33,626 Fuck you, Eric.
- 00:21:33,751 --> 00:21:34,961 ♪ The body of Christ ♪
- 00:21:35,086 --> 00:21:37,297 ♪ Sleek swimmer's body all muscled up and toned ♪
- 00:21:37,422 --> 00:21:39,299 ♪ The body of Christ, oh, what a body ♪
- 00:21:39,424 --> 00:21:41,134 ♪ I wish I could call it my own ♪
- 00:21:41,259 --> 00:21:44,554 ♪ Lord almighty, I've never been so enticed ♪
- 00:21:44,679 --> 00:21:47,557 ♪ Oh, I wish I could have the body of Christ ♪
- 00:21:47,682 --> 00:21:49,434 ♪ The body of Christ ♪ - ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
- 00:21:49,559 --> 00:21:51,311 ♪ The body of Christ ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪
- 00:21:51,436 --> 00:21:53,354 ♪ The body of Christ ♪ - ♪ Oh, oh ♪
- 00:21:53,479 --> 00:21:56,774 ♪ Lord almighty, I've never been so enticed ♪
- 00:21:56,899 --> 00:21:59,485 ♪ Oh, I wish I could have the body of Christ ♪
- 00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:11,929 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:13,806 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:15,599 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:18,602 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,604 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:00:20,730 --> 00:00:22,356 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
- 00:00:22,481 --> 00:00:25,401 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:28,904 Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
- 00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:33,117 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:37,163 ♪ Summertime love's gonna get me down ♪
- 00:00:37,288 --> 00:00:39,915 ♪ Summertime is right, girl, for touchin' in the night ♪
- 00:00:40,041 --> 00:00:42,209 ♪ Girl, won't you feel my summertime? ♪
- 00:00:42,334 --> 00:00:45,463 ♪ Come on and touch my summertime! ♪
- 00:00:46,172 --> 00:00:47,798 Stan, are you okay?
- 00:00:47,923 --> 00:00:49,550 Yeah, Dad. We're just rehearsing our band.
- 00:00:49,675 --> 00:00:50,509 Ohhhh.
- 00:00:50,634 --> 00:00:52,219 I thought a group of Vietnamese people
- 00:00:52,344 --> 00:00:55,765 were having their intestines pulled out through their mouths.
- 00:00:55,890 --> 00:00:56,766 [Door closes]
- 00:00:56,891 --> 00:00:59,226 [Laughs]
- 00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:00,311 He's right, dude.
- 00:01:00,436 --> 00:01:01,395 We have to define our style
- 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:02,980 if we're ever going to make a platinum album.
- 00:01:03,105 --> 00:01:04,148 I mean, I'm a fusion guy.
- 00:01:04,273 --> 00:01:05,983 But Kenny's background is more Latin jazz.
- 00:01:06,108 --> 00:01:07,026 Mrph rm!
- 00:01:07,151 --> 00:01:09,195 Yeah. And I'm more hip-hop and R&B-oriented.
- 00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:11,614 I think our band better buy a whole bunch of music CDs
- 00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,449 to listen to for inspiration.
- 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,284 - Inspiration. - [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- 00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:16,285 Wait a minute.
- 00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:18,287 That's it! Inspiration, you guys.
- 00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:19,830 - Don't you see? - See what?
- 00:01:19,955 --> 00:01:23,709 Our band should play Christian rock!
- 00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:25,961 Christian rock? - Think about it!
- 00:01:26,087 --> 00:01:27,922 It's the easiest, crappiest music in the world, right?
- 00:01:28,047 --> 00:01:30,091 If we just play songs about how much we love Jesus,
- 00:01:30,216 --> 00:01:32,134 all the Christians will buy our crap.
- 00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:33,636 That's a retarded idea, Cartman!
- 00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:34,845 It worked for Creed!
- 00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:36,847 I don't want to be in a stupid Christian rock band.
- 00:01:36,972 --> 00:01:38,974 You just start that way, Stan, then you cross over.
- 00:01:39,100 --> 00:01:39,975 It's genius!
- 00:01:40,101 --> 00:01:41,310 Just get the hell out of here, Cartman!
- 00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,270 You're not serious, and you're a detriment to the band!
- 00:01:43,395 --> 00:01:44,063 Oh, yeah?
- 00:01:44,188 --> 00:01:46,732 I will bet you 10 bucks that if I start a Christian rock band,
- 00:01:46,857 --> 00:01:48,776 I can get a platinum album before you guys do!
- 00:01:48,901 --> 00:01:50,861 You're on, fat boy! - Okay! Fine!
- 00:01:50,986 --> 00:01:53,405 Ready? First one to have a platinum album wins.
- 00:01:53,531 --> 00:01:55,074 Go! [Breathing heavily]
- 00:01:55,199 --> 00:01:57,409 [Door opens, closes]
- 00:01:57,535 --> 00:01:59,245 What a stupid asshole.
- 00:01:59,370 --> 00:02:01,247 [Breathing heavily]
- 00:02:01,372 --> 00:02:02,748 Platinum album! Platinum album!
- 00:02:02,873 --> 00:02:04,458 Got to make a platinum album before Kyle!
- 00:02:04,583 --> 00:02:06,168 [Grunts]
- 00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:07,503 Oh, hi, Eric.
- 00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,338 Butters, get your drum set and meet me at my house!
- 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,715 We have to make a platinum album! Hurry, Butters!
- 00:02:12,842 --> 00:02:14,218 Oh.
- 00:02:14,343 --> 00:02:16,345 No time to waste! Platinum album!
- 00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:17,638 Must beat Kyle!
- 00:02:18,264 --> 00:02:20,099 Token, get the bass guitar out of your basement
- 00:02:20,224 --> 00:02:21,725 and meet me over at my house!
- 00:02:21,851 --> 00:02:23,978 What?! We don't have a bass guitar.
- 00:02:24,103 --> 00:02:25,855 Your family's black, Token.
- 00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:27,356 There's bound to be a bass guitar
- 00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:29,608 in your basement somewhere!
- 00:02:32,945 --> 00:02:34,530 Boy, you sure seem driven, Eric.
- 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,532 You must really have some i-inspiration.
- 00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,117 Yes -- the tears of Kyle Broflovski
- 00:02:38,242 --> 00:02:39,743 when he loses his $10 to me.
- 00:02:39,869 --> 00:02:41,954 Hey, there <i>was</i> a bass guitar in my basement.
- 00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:43,414 I told you, Token.
- 00:02:43,539 --> 00:02:44,582 So what are we doing?
- 00:02:44,707 --> 00:02:46,083 Gentlemen, we are about to embark
- 00:02:46,208 --> 00:02:47,418 on the most amazing, life-affirming,
- 00:02:47,543 --> 00:02:49,628 financially windfalling experiences of our young lives.
- 00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:50,671 Wow!
- 00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:53,591 We are going to start a Christian rock band.
- 00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:55,509 Aw.
- 00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:57,261 I'm out. - Wait!
- 00:02:57,386 --> 00:02:58,596 Walk out that door, Token,
- 00:02:58,721 --> 00:03:00,472 and you'll regret it the rest of your life.
- 00:03:00,598 --> 00:03:01,932 Christians have a built-in audience
- 00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:03,434 of over 180 million Americans.
- 00:03:03,559 --> 00:03:06,187 If each one of them buys just one of our albums at $12.95,
- 00:03:06,312 --> 00:03:09,773 that would be... - $2,331,000,000.
- 00:03:09,899 --> 00:03:11,901 Still want to leave, Token?
- 00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:15,029 Thank you.
- 00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:17,948 Dad, can I borrow $300?
- 00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:20,201 $300? What in the world for?
- 00:03:20,326 --> 00:03:22,203 Our band can't find a stylistic direction to go in.
- 00:03:22,328 --> 00:03:24,455 We need to go to the mall to buy hundreds of CDs to listen to
- 00:03:24,580 --> 00:03:26,415 so we can define our sound.
- 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,626 Sorry, Kyle. We gave you your allowance already.
- 00:03:28,751 --> 00:03:30,836 Can't you see this is my dream?
- 00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:32,171 Music is my life!
- 00:03:32,296 --> 00:03:33,964 It wasn't your life yesterday.
- 00:03:34,089 --> 00:03:36,425 Look, Pops. I've got the music inside me.
- 00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:37,593 It's in my soul.
- 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,595 And I know my place is up on that stage.
- 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:42,431 I'm gonna make it to the top. I just want your blessing, Pops.
- 00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:43,891 The answer is no, Kyle.
- 00:03:44,016 --> 00:03:45,768 Aw, come on, Dad! Don't be such a Jew!
- 00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:47,770 Kyle, don't belittle your own people!
- 00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:48,854 [Groans]
- 00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:49,980 [Doorbell rings]
- 00:03:50,105 --> 00:03:51,440 Hey, dude. - It didn't work.
- 00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,776 My stupid Jew dad won't lend me money for CDs.
- 00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:55,194 No, dude. It's cool.
- 00:03:55,319 --> 00:03:57,780 Kenny says you can download music for free on the Internet.
- 00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:58,822 Really? - Rm!
- 00:03:58,948 --> 00:04:00,115 You got a computer?
- 00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:04,203 See? Everyone on the Internet copies music from their CDs.
- 00:04:04,328 --> 00:04:06,580 We can download them for free and play them on the computer!
- 00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:07,831 All right! Cool!
- 00:04:07,957 --> 00:04:10,668 Let's download some Metallica and some Stevie Wonder.
- 00:04:10,793 --> 00:04:12,169 Mrph rmhmhm rm! - Kenny's right.
- 00:04:12,294 --> 00:04:14,672 We should download some Judas Priest, too.
- 00:04:14,797 --> 00:04:16,173 Judas Priest. [Computer chimes]
- 00:04:16,298 --> 00:04:18,676 Wow! Downloading music for free is awesome!
- 00:04:18,801 --> 00:04:21,095 [Helicopter whirring, sirens wailing]
- 00:04:21,220 --> 00:04:23,806 What the hell is that? - I don't know. Let me check --
- 00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:26,433 Freeze! FBI!
- 00:04:26,558 --> 00:04:28,352 Down on the ground! Down on the ground!
- 00:04:28,477 --> 00:04:30,145 [Thudding]
- 00:04:30,271 --> 00:04:33,065 Hands! Let me see those hands!
- 00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:36,151 Tango team is at Point Bravo! Suspects in custody!
- 00:04:36,735 --> 00:04:38,529 Move! Move! Move! Move! Move! Move!
- 00:04:38,654 --> 00:04:39,905 Move! Move! Move! - Keep your hands up!
- 00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,240 Out to the car! - Out to the car!
- 00:04:41,365 --> 00:04:43,242 Kyle, what did you do?
- 00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:45,077 I don't know!
- 00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:47,496 All right, guys. This is gonna be so easy.
- 00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,164 All we have to do to make Christian songs
- 00:04:49,290 --> 00:04:51,875 is take regular old songs and add Jesus stuff to them.
- 00:04:52,001 --> 00:04:55,087 See, all we have to do is cross out words like "baby"
- 00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:57,798 and "darling" and replace them with...
- 00:04:57,923 --> 00:04:59,758 "Jesus."
- 00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:02,136 All right, Butters. Give me a beat.
- 00:05:02,261 --> 00:05:05,306 [Plays mid-tempo beat]
- 00:05:05,431 --> 00:05:06,640 Okay. Nice. Very nice.
- 00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:09,768 All right, Token. Give me a smooth bass line.
- 00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:12,187 I don't know how to play bass.
- 00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:14,606 Token, how many times do we have to go through this?
- 00:05:14,732 --> 00:05:16,442 You're black. You can play bass.
- 00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:18,193 I'm getting sick of your stereotypes.
- 00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:20,863 Be as sick as you want. Just give me a goddamn bass line!
- 00:05:22,114 --> 00:05:25,409 [Plays mid-tempo rhythm]
- 00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:26,493 God damn it.
- 00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:28,871 [Music continues]
- 00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:31,081 All right. Nice, fellas. Nice.
- 00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:33,375 ♪ I need you in my life ♪
- 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,044 ♪ Jesus ♪
- 00:05:35,169 --> 00:05:37,212 ♪ I can't live without you ♪
- 00:05:37,338 --> 00:05:38,547 ♪ Jesus ♪
- 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:41,967 ♪ And I just want to feel you deep inside me ♪
- 00:05:42,092 --> 00:05:43,594 ♪ Jesus ♪
- 00:05:43,719 --> 00:05:45,387 Awesome!
- 00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:47,723 [Dramatic music plays]
- 00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:58,525 Um, sir?
- 00:05:58,650 --> 00:06:00,194 Shut up!
- 00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:04,448 You downloaded a lot of songs.
- 00:06:04,573 --> 00:06:07,576 Says here you even downloaded Judas Priest.
- 00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:10,037 That's hard time you boys are looking at.
- 00:06:10,162 --> 00:06:12,164 You got anything to say for yourselves?
- 00:06:12,748 --> 00:06:15,542 We...d-didn't think it was that big a deal.
- 00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:17,961 Not a big deal?
- 00:06:18,087 --> 00:06:23,092 You think downloading music for free is not a big deal?
- 00:06:23,217 --> 00:06:24,635 Put your coats on.
- 00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:26,470 I'm gonna show you something.
- 00:06:26,595 --> 00:06:28,722 And I don't think you're gonna like it.
- 00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:29,890 [Birds chirping]
- 00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:33,852 This is the home of Lars Ulrich, the drummer for Metallica.
- 00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:37,815 Look. There's Lars now, sitting by his pool.
- 00:06:37,940 --> 00:06:40,150 [Down-tempo music plays] What's the matter with him?
- 00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:42,027 This month, he was hoping to have
- 00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:43,237 a gold-plated shark-tank bar
- 00:06:43,362 --> 00:06:44,822 installed right next to the pool.
- 00:06:44,947 --> 00:06:47,491 But thanks to people downloading his music for free,
- 00:06:47,616 --> 00:06:50,077 he must now wait a few months before he can afford it.
- 00:06:50,202 --> 00:06:51,787 [Sobs]
- 00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:54,206 Come. There's more.
- 00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:57,000 Here's Britney Spears' private jet.
- 00:06:57,126 --> 00:06:58,377 Notice anything?
- 00:06:59,044 --> 00:07:01,672 Britney used to have a Gulfstream IV.
- 00:07:01,797 --> 00:07:04,007 Now she's had to sell it and get a Gulfstream III
- 00:07:04,133 --> 00:07:07,469 because people like you chose to download her music for free.
- 00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:09,638 [Sighs]
- 00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:12,516 The Gulfstream III doesn't even have a remote control
- 00:07:12,641 --> 00:07:14,560 for its surround-sound DVD system.
- 00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:17,521 Still think downloading music for free is no big deal?
- 00:07:17,646 --> 00:07:20,649 We...didn't realize what we were doing.
- 00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,860 That is the folly of man.
- 00:07:22,985 --> 00:07:25,070 Now look in this window.
- 00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:27,656 Here you see the loving family of Master P.
- 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,491 Next week is his son's birthday,
- 00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:32,661 and all he's ever wanted is an island in French Polynesia.
- 00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:35,247 So he's gonna get it, right?
- 00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:37,374 I see an island without an owner.
- 00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:39,626 If things keep going the way they are,
- 00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:42,045 the child will not get his tropical paradise.
- 00:07:42,171 --> 00:07:42,963 We're sorry!
- 00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:44,882 We'll never download music for free again!
- 00:07:45,007 --> 00:07:47,426 Man must learn to think of these horrible outcomes
- 00:07:47,551 --> 00:07:50,846 before he acts selfishly, or else I fear...
- 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,223 recording artists will be forever doomed
- 00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:56,018 to a life of only semi-luxury.
- 00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:59,146 [Gulls crying, waves breaking]
- 00:07:59,271 --> 00:08:01,190 Almost there, guys.
- 00:08:01,315 --> 00:08:02,357 Ow.
- 00:08:02,483 --> 00:08:05,235 Why the hell did you tell us to dress nice to take us out here?
- 00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,946 Because, Token, we have to take pictures for our album cover.
- 00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:09,781 The key to a hot-selling Christian rock album
- 00:08:09,907 --> 00:08:11,742 is a flashy, inspirational album cover.
- 00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:13,827 Wow! Neato! An album cover!
- 00:08:13,952 --> 00:08:15,662 This Christian album better make as much money
- 00:08:15,787 --> 00:08:18,165 as you said it would, tubby.
- 00:08:18,290 --> 00:08:20,250 I'm going to kill you one day, Token.
- 00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:22,294 What did you say? - Nothing! All right, guys.
- 00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:23,921 Stand over there and look wholesome and cool.
- 00:08:24,046 --> 00:08:26,840 I have a timer on this thing so I can get in the shot, too.
- 00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:28,842 Cheese! - No, no, no!
- 00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:30,511 Haven't you guys ever seen an album cover?
- 00:08:30,636 --> 00:08:32,262 You're supposed to be standing in random places,
- 00:08:32,387 --> 00:08:34,723 looking away like you don't care.
- 00:08:36,934 --> 00:08:38,810 Cheese! - No, Butters!
- 00:08:38,936 --> 00:08:40,395 You can't look happy on an album cover!
- 00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:41,980 That's not cool! - Oh.
- 00:08:42,105 --> 00:08:43,899 Token, look away to the right.
- 00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,692 More. More!
- 00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,486 Why the hell would I be looking way over there?
- 00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:49,071 So it looks like you're too cool to care
- 00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:51,073 that you're on an album cover, you black asshole!
- 00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:52,699 Now, just hold it!
- 00:08:53,909 --> 00:08:55,285 Our first album cover.
- 00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:57,162 [Shutter clicks]
- 00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:59,081 ♪ Don't ever leave me, Jesus ♪
- 00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:01,625 ♪ I couldn't stand to see you go ♪
- 00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:03,669 ♪ My heart would simply snap, my Lord ♪
- 00:09:03,794 --> 00:09:06,296 ♪ If you walked on out that door ♪
- 00:09:06,421 --> 00:09:08,465 ♪ I promise I'll be good to you ♪
- 00:09:08,590 --> 00:09:11,218 ♪ And keep you warm at night ♪
- 00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:13,178 ♪ Jesus, Jesus, Jesus ♪
- 00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:16,598 ♪ Why don't we just shut off the light? ♪
- 00:09:21,436 --> 00:09:25,065 [Dramatic music plays]
- 00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:26,608 Thanks for releasing them to us, Detective.
- 00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:27,985 Sorry for all the trouble they caused.
- 00:09:28,110 --> 00:09:28,986 It's all right.
- 00:09:29,111 --> 00:09:30,737 I think these boys learned their lesson.
- 00:09:30,862 --> 00:09:31,655 Boy, I'll say.
- 00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:33,490 If you parents will just step over here,
- 00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:36,285 you can pay their $400 release and penalty fees.
- 00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:39,496 $400 just for downloading some songs off the Internet?
- 00:09:39,621 --> 00:09:40,831 It's not that big a deal.
- 00:09:40,956 --> 00:09:43,292 Not a big deal, huh?!
- 00:09:43,417 --> 00:09:46,086 Come with me. I'm gonna show you something.
- 00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:49,756 And I don't think you're gonna like it.
- 00:09:49,881 --> 00:09:52,384 Ugh, dude, I can't wait to just go back home
- 00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:53,552 and get back to band practice.
- 00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:54,886 Mrph. - No!
- 00:09:55,012 --> 00:09:56,471 Didn't you guys learn anything?
- 00:09:56,597 --> 00:09:58,515 Look, if we make an album, all that's gonna happen
- 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,018 is people are gonna steal <i>our</i> songs for free off the Internet.
- 00:10:01,143 --> 00:10:02,144 We won't make a dime!
- 00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,145 Oh, yeah.
- 00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:05,689 Until we get people to stop downloading music for free,
- 00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,566 I say we refuse to play!
- 00:10:07,691 --> 00:10:08,609 Mrph!
- 00:10:08,734 --> 00:10:11,111 Tom, I'm standing in South Park, Colorado,
- 00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:14,114 where the rock band Moop has refused to play!
- 00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:17,284 The strike started yesterday and could go well into next week!
- 00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:19,620 Oh, hey, guys. How's it going?
- 00:10:19,745 --> 00:10:21,705 We're not letting you back in the band, Cartman. Fuck off.
- 00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,707 I don't want to be in your crappy band, guys.
- 00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:24,875 I just wanted to let you know
- 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,336 the album for my Christian rock band, Faith + 1,
- 00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:28,837 is about to go platinum.
- 00:10:29,421 --> 00:10:30,964 - It is?! - That's right.
- 00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:32,883 We've already sold 13 copies.
- 00:10:33,008 --> 00:10:34,801 You want to pay me that $10 bet now, Kyle?
- 00:10:34,926 --> 00:10:36,261 ♪ Na-na-na-na-na-na ♪
- 00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:37,596 ♪ Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha ♪
- 00:10:37,721 --> 00:10:39,806 You get a platinum album for selling one <i>million</i> copies,
- 00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:40,807 you fat turd!
- 00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:42,643 It's just a matter of time, my friends.
- 00:10:42,768 --> 00:10:43,935 This weekend is Christfest,
- 00:10:44,061 --> 00:10:46,313 the single largest gathering of Christians in the Midwest,
- 00:10:46,438 --> 00:10:48,857 each one of them a walking, praying wallet full of cash.
- 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,525 And I'll be there selling my album.
- 00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:52,694 You'll never get a platinum album doing Christian rock!
- 00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:55,238 It was a stupid idea then, and it's a stupid idea now!
- 00:10:55,364 --> 00:10:57,366 Yeah! You don't even know anything about Christianity!
- 00:10:57,491 --> 00:10:59,201 I know enough to exploit it.
- 00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:02,037 Just get that 10 bucks ready, Kyle. Ta-ta.
- 00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,038 Go ahead!
- 00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,122 People will just download your songs
- 00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:05,582 for free on the Internet anyways!
- 00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:07,918 What a dumb-ass. Our band is way cooler than his.
- 00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:09,127 Mrph.
- 00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:16,218 Psalm T-shirts!
- 00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:18,095 Get a T-shirt with your favorite Psalm!
- 00:11:18,220 --> 00:11:20,764 Leather-bound Bibles! Show your faith!
- 00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:22,516 Yes, it's really the best Christian album
- 00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:23,850 that's ever been produced, actually.
- 00:11:23,975 --> 00:11:26,144 Ooh! This would be great for my grandchildren.
- 00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:29,690 They need hip, cool music, but with inspirational lyrics.
- 00:11:29,815 --> 00:11:32,025 I think that's what the whole world needs. Praise Christ.
- 00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:34,903 We're not really Christian. We're just pretendin' we are!
- 00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:39,241 Butters, remind me later to cut your balls off.
- 00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:40,992 MAN: All right, everyone!
- 00:11:41,118 --> 00:11:44,996 - Welcome to Christfest 2003! - [ Cheers and applause ]
- 00:11:45,122 --> 00:11:47,708 Are you ready for some live music?
- 00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:49,167 [ Crowd cheering ]
- 00:11:49,292 --> 00:11:50,502 Yeah! Jesus!
- 00:11:50,627 --> 00:11:52,295 Praise the Lord!
- 00:11:52,421 --> 00:11:53,630 Then let's give it up now
- 00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:56,842 for one of Christian rock's biggest bands, Trinity!
- 00:11:56,967 --> 00:11:58,343 [Cheers and applause]
- 00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:00,762 ♪ He's the shepherd and the light ♪
- 00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:03,140 ♪ And His word lifted me up ♪
- 00:12:03,265 --> 00:12:07,769 ♪ And I praise His holy name wherever I go ♪
- 00:12:08,478 --> 00:12:09,187 Damn it!
- 00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:10,856 If we're gonna sell our hot Christian album,
- 00:12:10,981 --> 00:12:12,357 we have got to get on that stage!
- 00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:14,359 Hey, is this the way to the backstage?
- 00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:16,528 Who are you? - We're the band Sanctified.
- 00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:17,654 We play metal and punk
- 00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:19,865 but with lyrics that inspire faith in Christ.
- 00:12:19,990 --> 00:12:22,075 Yeah, we prove that Christian music can be tough
- 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,076 and hard-core.
- 00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:24,619 Yeah, you guys are real hard-core.
- 00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:27,247 You bet your gosh darn rear end we are!
- 00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:29,833 All right. Uh, Sanctified? You guys are up next.
- 00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:31,668 Yeah! Let's do it!
- 00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:33,587 ♪ Sent down from heaven ♪
- 00:12:33,712 --> 00:12:35,630 ♪ The spirit and the glory ♪
- 00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:36,631 H-Hey, guys. Wait.
- 00:12:36,757 --> 00:12:39,259 Uh, we want to pray with you before you go onstage.
- 00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:40,510 Oh, that -- that's cool.
- 00:12:40,635 --> 00:12:42,763 Always good to be prayin' before you're playin'.
- 00:12:42,888 --> 00:12:44,931 Let's just go over here so we can hear ourselves better.
- 00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:46,099 Lord, father in heaven,
- 00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:48,268 we thank you for all your blessings on this...
- 00:12:48,393 --> 00:12:50,729 [Crowd cheering in distance]
- 00:12:50,854 --> 00:12:53,940 Hey, Eric, I don't think they can get out!
- 00:12:56,485 --> 00:12:59,696 All right, Christians! How we feeling tonight?!
- 00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:01,198 Yeah! Praise Jesus!
- 00:13:01,323 --> 00:13:02,365 Praise him! - Praise the Lord!
- 00:13:02,491 --> 00:13:04,409 Well, let's keep this salvation train going
- 00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:07,037 with the hot band Sanctified!
- 00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:08,163 Faith + 1.
- 00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,749 Uh, a-apparently there's been a change.
- 00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:14,669 Give it up for Faith + 1!
- 00:13:14,795 --> 00:13:17,255 [Slow introduction plays]
- 00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:18,757 You know, Jesus,
- 00:13:18,882 --> 00:13:20,717 I've been thinking a lot about you lately.
- 00:13:20,842 --> 00:13:24,805 And, well, that's why I wrote this song.
- 00:13:25,514 --> 00:13:29,309 ♪ I love you, Jesus ♪
- 00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:32,437 ♪ I want you to walk with me ♪
- 00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:35,982 ♪ I'll take good care of you, baby ♪
- 00:13:36,107 --> 00:13:39,861 ♪ Call you my baby, baby ♪
- 00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:42,572 ♪ You died for my sins ♪
- 00:13:42,697 --> 00:13:46,409 ♪ And you know that I would die for you, right? ♪
- 00:13:46,535 --> 00:13:49,538 ♪ What's the matter, baby? ♪
- 00:13:49,663 --> 00:13:53,667 ♪ You're tremblin', Jesus, baby ♪
- 00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:56,461 ♪ Your love is my light ♪
- 00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:57,629 ♪ You know when I'm without you ♪
- 00:13:57,754 --> 00:13:59,631 ♪ There's a black hole in my life ♪
- 00:13:59,756 --> 00:14:02,843 ♪ Oh, I want to believe it's all right ♪
- 00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:04,803 ♪ But I get lonely in the night ♪
- 00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:08,640 ♪ And it's up to you to save me ♪
- 00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:12,686 ♪ Jesus, baby ♪
- 00:14:13,270 --> 00:14:15,981 [Birds chirping]
- 00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:16,982 [Sighs]
- 00:14:17,107 --> 00:14:19,776 Dude, I didn't know being in a band was gonna be this tough.
- 00:14:19,901 --> 00:14:20,819 Yeah, it's tough.
- 00:14:20,944 --> 00:14:21,862 But it's times like these
- 00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:23,613 that you see what your band is made of.
- 00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:26,157 We've got to fight through the rough times, like Journey.
- 00:14:26,283 --> 00:14:28,159 Tom, we're now entering the second day
- 00:14:28,285 --> 00:14:30,370 of the rock band Moop's refusal to play
- 00:14:30,495 --> 00:14:33,874 and the second day of absolutely no other news to report on.
- 00:14:33,999 --> 00:14:36,710 In a recent poll, we asked people if Moop's refusal to play
- 00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:39,421 would stop them from downloading music off the Internet.
- 00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:42,507 1% percent said yes, 2% said no,
- 00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:45,886 and 97% said, "Who the hell is Moop?"
- 00:14:46,011 --> 00:14:47,262 Back to you, Tom.
- 00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:50,765 Hey, are you the guys protesting free Internet music downloading?
- 00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:53,184 Hey, it's that Lars Ulrich guy! - That's right.
- 00:14:53,310 --> 00:14:55,896 Metallica is behind you dudes 1,000%!
- 00:14:56,021 --> 00:14:57,981 We're gonna sit here and protest with you
- 00:14:58,106 --> 00:15:00,400 until free downloading stops, yeah!
- 00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:03,570 Tom, it appears now the musicians strike is growing!
- 00:15:03,695 --> 00:15:06,573 As I'm speaking, more musicians are arriving!
- 00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:08,408 It looks like Alanis Morissette,
- 00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:11,077 Blink-182, Britney Spears, and dozens of others
- 00:15:11,202 --> 00:15:13,997 are going to join Moop in not playing music.
- 00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:16,833 This is a veritable Strike-apalooza!
- 00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:20,670 [Choir vocalizing]
- 00:15:23,048 --> 00:15:25,258 Guys, we here at Faith Records were very moved
- 00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:26,927 by your performance at Christfest.
- 00:15:27,052 --> 00:15:28,845 You're one of the most talented Christian rock bands
- 00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:30,305 we've ever heard!
- 00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,973 Thank you so much.
- 00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:34,059 Christ has really blessed us with talent.
- 00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:35,518 [Laughing] Yeah!
- 00:15:35,644 --> 00:15:37,395 We just had one question, though.
- 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,648 We were looking over some of your lyrics.
- 00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:42,901 Uh, "I want to walk hand in hand with Jesus
- 00:15:43,026 --> 00:15:44,611 on a private beach for two.
- 00:15:44,736 --> 00:15:48,865 I want him to nibble on my ear and say, 'I'm here for you."'
- 00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:52,118 It -- It seems you <i>really</i> love Christ.
- 00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:53,662 Yes, we sure do.
- 00:15:53,787 --> 00:15:58,917 No, but I-it appears you are actually in love with Christ.
- 00:15:59,042 --> 00:16:00,669 Well, what are you saying?
- 00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:02,754 That -- That you don't really love Christ?
- 00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:04,756 Well, of -- of course I do. I mean, I just --
- 00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:06,257 Well, what's the difference? You love Christ.
- 00:16:06,383 --> 00:16:08,343 You're in love with Christ. I mean, what the heck is this?!
- 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,512 We just like to make sure the bands we sign
- 00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,681 are in it for God and not for the money.
- 00:16:12,806 --> 00:16:13,974 I resent that, sir.
- 00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:17,018 I have never in my life done anything just for the money.
- 00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:20,021 If I'm lying, may the Lord strike me down right now.
- 00:16:20,146 --> 00:16:23,024 Uh-oh.
- 00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:24,401 That's all we needed to know.
- 00:16:24,526 --> 00:16:27,153 Just sign here and we'll get your album sold.
- 00:16:27,278 --> 00:16:30,782 <i>K-tal Records presents the most inspirational</i>
- 00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:34,160 <i>Christian rock band in the world, Faith + 1,</i>
- 00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:35,328 <i>featuring the very best</i>
- 00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:37,580 <i>in good, wholesome Christian music.</i>
- 00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:40,166 ♪ Oh, Lord, you are my savior ♪
- 00:16:40,291 --> 00:16:43,670 ♪ You know I miss you so much when you are gone ♪
- 00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:45,213 <i>With great inspirational songs</i>
- 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,757 <i>like "I Wasn't Born Again Yesterday."</i>
- 00:16:47,882 --> 00:16:49,926 ♪ Yes, I may be born again ♪
- 00:16:50,051 --> 00:16:53,179 ♪ But I wasn't born again yesterday ♪♪
- 00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:57,017 ♪ I want to get down on my knees and start pleasin' Jesus ♪
- 00:16:57,142 --> 00:17:00,228 ♪ I want to feel his salvation all over my face ♪
- 00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:02,897 <i>The CD is filled with instant classics.</i>
- 00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:04,315 <i>Who doesn't remember...</i>
- 00:17:04,441 --> 00:17:05,817 ♪ The body of Christ ♪
- 00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:08,153 ♪ Sleek swimmer's body all muscled up and toned ♪
- 00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:10,196 ♪ The body of Christ, oh, what a body ♪
- 00:17:10,321 --> 00:17:12,198 ♪ I wish I could call it my own ♪♪
- 00:17:12,323 --> 00:17:15,493 ♪ You're one time, two times ♪
- 00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:18,496 ♪ Three times my savior ♪♪
- 00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:21,249 ♪ Whenever I see Jesus up on that cross ♪
- 00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,835 ♪ I can't help but think that he looks kinda hot ♪
- 00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,754 <i>This album is not available in stores,</i>
- 00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:27,630 <i>and limited quantities are available.</i>
- 00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:28,631 <i>So order now.</i>
- 00:17:28,757 --> 00:17:31,843 [Indistinct conversations, birds chirping]
- 00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:34,345 I can't take this much longer.
- 00:17:34,471 --> 00:17:36,431 Maybe we're just not cut out to be in a band.
- 00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:38,308 You guys, we can't give up on our dreams now!
- 00:17:38,433 --> 00:17:39,350 As soon as this strike ends,
- 00:17:39,476 --> 00:17:40,769 we're gonna be the biggest band ever!
- 00:17:40,894 --> 00:17:42,103 Yeah, if we all give in now,
- 00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:44,939 people might never stop downloading our music for free!
- 00:17:45,065 --> 00:17:46,441 I'm sure we're gonna get word any minute
- 00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:47,817 that people have agreed to stop.
- 00:17:49,194 --> 00:17:52,280 Certified letter for the rock band Moop.
- 00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:53,740 That's us!
- 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:56,576 "Dear Moop,
- 00:17:56,701 --> 00:17:59,788 this letter is to inform you that Faith + 1's debut album
- 00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:02,373 has just sold one million copies."
- 00:18:02,499 --> 00:18:03,208 What?
- 00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:04,375 "We cordially invite you
- 00:18:04,501 --> 00:18:06,336 to attend the platinum-album award ceremony
- 00:18:06,461 --> 00:18:08,213 which will be held tomorrow morning at 10:00.
- 00:18:08,338 --> 00:18:10,465 Details and proof of sales enclosed.
- 00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:14,803 P.S. -- Na-na-na-na-na-na. ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha."
- 00:18:16,096 --> 00:18:18,890 He did it. Cartman got a platinum album.
- 00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:21,059 Is this for real? T-This is for real!
- 00:18:21,184 --> 00:18:23,895 He beat us because all this time we've been so caught up
- 00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:26,606 with how to protect our music that we forgot to just play!
- 00:18:26,731 --> 00:18:29,442 But why play if we're not gonna make millions of dollars?
- 00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:31,152 Because that's what real artists do.
- 00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:33,113 People are always gonna find a way to copy our music
- 00:18:33,238 --> 00:18:34,280 and swap it for free.
- 00:18:34,405 --> 00:18:36,366 If we're real musicians, then we should just play
- 00:18:36,491 --> 00:18:38,159 and be stoked that so many people are listening.
- 00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:40,662 Besides, maybe our songs would have gotten downloaded for free.
- 00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:41,663 But if they were good songs,
- 00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:42,956 people still would've bought tickets
- 00:18:43,081 --> 00:18:44,124 to see our band in concert.
- 00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:46,084 From now on, Moop isn't about money.
- 00:18:46,209 --> 00:18:47,585 Moop is about music!
- 00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:50,672 We're not striking anymore! Who's with us?!
- 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:52,924 We're just about the money.
- 00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:53,842 Yeah. - Yeah.
- 00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:54,884 Yeah.
- 00:18:55,009 --> 00:18:55,885 Oh.
- 00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:57,804 So, dude, what are you gonna do about your bet with Cartman?
- 00:18:57,929 --> 00:18:58,972 Are you gonna pay him?
- 00:18:59,097 --> 00:19:00,306 I don't have a choice, dude.
- 00:19:00,431 --> 00:19:02,142 I'm gonna swallow my pride, face Cartman,
- 00:19:02,267 --> 00:19:03,977 and say, "Congratulations. You were right."
- 00:19:04,102 --> 00:19:05,478 And I'm gonna give him the $10.
- 00:19:05,603 --> 00:19:08,314 And hopefully he won't make a big deal out of it.
- 00:19:08,439 --> 00:19:11,442 ["Stars and Stripes Forever" playing]
- 00:19:11,568 --> 00:19:14,279 [Elephants trumpeting]
- 00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:18,658 Welcome! Welcome, everyone! Please enjoy!
- 00:19:18,783 --> 00:19:20,326 The presentation should begin shortly.
- 00:19:20,451 --> 00:19:21,870 Cartman, what the hell is all this?
- 00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:23,997 Our platinum-album ceremony. I've spared no expense.
- 00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:25,665 But you spent all the money we made!
- 00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:27,792 We're Faith + 1, Token. There'll be plenty more money.
- 00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:29,544 Relax and enjoy, black asshole.
- 00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:30,879 There's hors d'oeuvres and drinks
- 00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:32,213 by the Ferris wheel, everyone!
- 00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:35,425 Oh, Kyle! Guys! So nice to see you!
- 00:19:35,550 --> 00:19:36,926 Let's just get this over with, Cartman.
- 00:19:37,051 --> 00:19:38,219 You won the bet. Here's $10.
- 00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:40,513 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not yet, Kyle. Hold on.
- 00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:42,765 Everyone? Everyone, can I have your attention, please?
- 00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:45,268 [ Cheers and applause ] Whoo-hoo! Faith + 1!
- 00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:47,270 We love you! Praise Christ!
- 00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:48,813 Yes, yes. Thank -- Thank you. Praise Him.
- 00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:50,940 I think we're ready to start now.
- 00:19:52,483 --> 00:19:56,905 [Announcer] Welcome to the presentation ceremony for Faith + 1!
- 00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:58,740 [Cheers and applause]
- 00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:02,327 And now to present the award, here is Michael Collins!
- 00:20:02,452 --> 00:20:04,078 This is the worst day of my life.
- 00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:06,331 Ah. This is the best day of my life.
- 00:20:06,456 --> 00:20:09,709 Boys, in recognition of over one million records sold,
- 00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:12,170 the Christian recording industry is pleased to present you
- 00:20:12,295 --> 00:20:14,297 with this myrrh album.
- 00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:16,216 [Cheers and applause]
- 00:20:16,341 --> 00:20:18,218 Thank you very -- myrrh album?
- 00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:19,886 I thought albums went either gold or platinum.
- 00:20:20,011 --> 00:20:21,763 No, no, in Christian rock, our albums go gold,
- 00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:23,306 then Frankincense, then myrrh.
- 00:20:23,431 --> 00:20:24,474 Congratulations!
- 00:20:24,599 --> 00:20:25,225 Ha!
- 00:20:25,350 --> 00:20:26,809 Our bet was you would get a platinum album,
- 00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:27,936 not a myrrh album!
- 00:20:28,061 --> 00:20:30,063 I don't owe you anything, fat boy!
- 00:20:30,188 --> 00:20:31,731 You mean I can never get a platinum album
- 00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:32,815 with a Christian rock band?
- 00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:34,484 No, but you can go double myrrh.
- 00:20:36,277 --> 00:20:38,154 God damn it!
- 00:20:38,279 --> 00:20:39,739 [Gasps]
- 00:20:39,864 --> 00:20:41,449 Oh, please don't take the Lord's name in vain.
- 00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:42,325 Who cares?!
- 00:20:42,450 --> 00:20:44,285 I can never win my bet because you stupid assholes
- 00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:45,787 don't give out platinum albums!
- 00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:47,163 But you've spread the word of the Lord.
- 00:20:47,288 --> 00:20:48,665 You've brought faith in Jesus.
- 00:20:48,790 --> 00:20:50,250 Oh, fuck Jesus!
- 00:20:50,375 --> 00:20:51,417 [Crowd gasps]
- 00:20:51,542 --> 00:20:52,710 [Screams]
- 00:20:52,835 --> 00:20:53,878 Eric, I-I'm pretty sure
- 00:20:54,003 --> 00:20:55,880 you shouldn't say the "F" word about Jesus.
- 00:20:56,005 --> 00:20:57,382 Yeah. You're gonna hurt the band.
- 00:20:57,507 --> 00:21:00,051 Who fucking cares, Token? I can never beat Kyle now!
- 00:21:00,176 --> 00:21:02,345 I'll say it again! Fuck Jesus!
- 00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:05,056 [ Crowd screaming ] My ears are bleeding!
- 00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:07,433 Good job, dick head! You lost the entire audience!
- 00:21:07,558 --> 00:21:10,019 Aw, fuck you, Token, you black asshole!
- 00:21:10,144 --> 00:21:11,521 Aah! Oh!
- 00:21:11,646 --> 00:21:13,815 Ugh! [Coughing]
- 00:21:18,236 --> 00:21:20,113 Hmm. Guess he got what he deserved.
- 00:21:20,238 --> 00:21:24,158 [Coughing, gasping]
- 00:21:24,284 --> 00:21:26,536 [Moaning, coughing]
- 00:21:30,415 --> 00:21:33,626 [Farts] Fuck you, Eric.
- 00:21:33,751 --> 00:21:34,961 ♪ The body of Christ ♪
- 00:21:35,086 --> 00:21:37,297 ♪ Sleek swimmer's body all muscled up and toned ♪
- 00:21:37,422 --> 00:21:39,299 ♪ The body of Christ, oh, what a body ♪
- 00:21:39,424 --> 00:21:41,134 ♪ I wish I could call it my own ♪
- 00:21:41,259 --> 00:21:44,554 ♪ Lord almighty, I've never been so enticed ♪
- 00:21:44,679 --> 00:21:47,557 ♪ Oh, I wish I could have the body of Christ ♪
- 00:21:47,682 --> 00:21:49,434 ♪ The body of Christ ♪ - ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
- 00:21:49,559 --> 00:21:51,311 ♪ The body of Christ ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪
- 00:21:51,436 --> 00:21:53,354 ♪ The body of Christ ♪ - ♪ Oh, oh ♪
- 00:21:53,479 --> 00:21:56,774 ♪ Lord almighty, I've never been so enticed ♪
- 00:21:56,899 --> 00:21:59,485 ♪ Oh, I wish I could have the body of Christ ♪
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