Тяжёлый христианский рок

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♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:15,599

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:18,602

♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,604

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:20,730 --> 00:00:22,356

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

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♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

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Mrph rmhmhm rm!

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:33,117

♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

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♪ Summertime love's

gonna get me down ♪

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♪ Summertime is right, girl,

for touchin' in the night ♪

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♪ Girl, won't you feel

my summertime? ♪

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♪ Come on and touch

my summertime! ♪

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Stan, are you okay?

00:00:47,923 --> 00:00:49,550

Yeah, Dad.

We're just rehearsing our band.

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Ohhhh.

00:00:50,634 --> 00:00:52,219

I thought a group

of Vietnamese people

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were having their intestines

pulled out through their mouths.

00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:00,311

He's right, dude.

00:01:00,436 --> 00:01:01,395

We have to define our style

00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:02,980

if we're ever going to make

a platinum album.

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I mean, I'm a fusion guy.

00:01:04,273 --> 00:01:05,983

But Kenny's background

is more Latin jazz.

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Mrph rm!

00:01:07,151 --> 00:01:09,195

Yeah. And I'm more hip-hop

and R&B-oriented.

00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:11,614

I think our band better buy

a whole bunch of music CDs

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to listen to for inspiration.

00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,284

Inspiration.

00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:16,285

Wait a minute.

00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:18,287

That's it!

Inspiration, you guys.

00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:19,830

- Don't you see?

- See what?

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Our band should play

Christian rock!

00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:25,961

Christian rock?

- Think about it!

00:01:26,087 --> 00:01:27,922

It's the easiest, crappiest

music in the world, right?

00:01:28,047 --> 00:01:30,091

If we just play songs

about how much we love Jesus,

00:01:30,216 --> 00:01:32,134

all the Christians

will buy our crap.

00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:33,636

That's a retarded idea, Cartman!

00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:34,845

It worked for Creed!

00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:36,847

I don't want to be

in a stupid Christian rock band.

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You just start that way, Stan,

then you cross over.

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It's genius!

00:01:40,101 --> 00:01:41,310

Just get the hell out of here,

Cartman!

00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,270

You're not serious, and you're

a detriment to the band!

00:01:43,395 --> 00:01:44,063

Oh, yeah?

00:01:44,188 --> 00:01:46,732

I will bet you 10 bucks that if

I start a Christian rock band,

00:01:46,857 --> 00:01:48,776

I can get a platinum album

before you guys do!

00:01:48,901 --> 00:01:50,861

You're on, fat boy!

- Okay! Fine!

00:01:50,986 --> 00:01:53,405

Ready? First one to have

a platinum album wins.

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Go!

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What a stupid asshole.

00:02:01,372 --> 00:02:02,748

Platinum album!

Platinum album!

00:02:02,873 --> 00:02:04,458

Got to make a platinum album

before Kyle!

00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:07,503

Oh, hi, Eric.

00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,338

Butters, get your drum set

and meet me at my house!

00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,715

We have to make a platinum

album! Hurry, Butters!

00:02:12,842 --> 00:02:14,218

Oh.

00:02:14,343 --> 00:02:16,345

No time to waste!

Platinum album!

00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:17,638

Must beat Kyle!

00:02:18,264 --> 00:02:20,099

Token, get the bass guitar

out of your basement

00:02:20,224 --> 00:02:21,725

and meet me over at my house!

00:02:21,851 --> 00:02:23,978

What?!

We don't have a bass guitar.

00:02:24,103 --> 00:02:25,855

Your family's black, Token.

00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:27,356

There's bound to be

a bass guitar

00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:29,608

in your basement somewhere!

00:02:32,945 --> 00:02:34,530

Boy, you sure seem driven,

Eric.

00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,532

You must really have

some i-inspiration.

00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,117

Yes -- the tears

of Kyle Broflovski

00:02:38,242 --> 00:02:39,743

when he loses his $10 to me.

00:02:39,869 --> 00:02:41,954

Hey, there was a bass guitar

in my basement.

00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:43,414

I told you, Token.

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So what are we doing?

00:02:44,707 --> 00:02:46,083

Gentlemen,

we are about to embark

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on the most amazing,

life-affirming,

00:02:47,543 --> 00:02:49,628

financially windfalling

experiences of our young lives.

00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:50,671

Wow!

00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:53,591

We are going to start

a Christian rock band.

00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:55,509

Aw.

00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:57,261

I'm out.

- Wait!

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Walk out that door, Token,

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and you'll regret it

the rest of your life.

00:03:00,598 --> 00:03:01,932

Christians have

a built-in audience

00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:03,434

of over 180 million Americans.

00:03:03,559 --> 00:03:06,187

If each one of them buys just

one of our albums at $12.95,

00:03:06,312 --> 00:03:09,773

that would be...

- $2,331,000,000.

00:03:09,899 --> 00:03:11,901

Still want to leave, Token?

00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:15,029

Thank you.

00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:17,948

Dad, can I borrow $300?

00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:20,201

$300?

What in the world for?

00:03:20,326 --> 00:03:22,203

Our band can't find

a stylistic direction to go in.

00:03:22,328 --> 00:03:24,455

We need to go to the mall to buy

hundreds of CDs to listen to

00:03:24,580 --> 00:03:26,415

so we can define our sound.

00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,626

Sorry, Kyle. We gave you

your allowance already.

00:03:28,751 --> 00:03:30,836

Can't you see this is my dream?

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Music is my life!

00:03:32,296 --> 00:03:33,964

It wasn't your life yesterday.

00:03:34,089 --> 00:03:36,425

Look, Pops.

I've got the music inside me.

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It's in my soul.

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And I know my place is up

on that stage.

00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:42,431

I'm gonna make it to the top.

I just want your blessing, Pops.

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The answer is no, Kyle.

00:03:44,016 --> 00:03:45,768

Aw, come on, Dad!

Don't be such a Jew!

00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:47,770

Kyle, don't belittle

your own people!

00:03:50,105 --> 00:03:51,440

Hey, dude.

- It didn't work.

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My stupid Jew dad

won't lend me money for CDs.

00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:55,194

No, dude.

It's cool.

00:03:55,319 --> 00:03:57,780

Kenny says you can download

music for free on the Internet.

00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:58,822

Really?

- Rm!

00:03:58,948 --> 00:04:00,115

You got a computer?

00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:04,203

See? Everyone on the Internet

copies music from their CDs.

00:04:04,328 --> 00:04:06,580

We can download them for free

and play them on the computer!

00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:07,831

All right!

Cool!

00:04:07,957 --> 00:04:10,668

Let's download some Metallica

and some Stevie Wonder.

00:04:10,793 --> 00:04:12,169

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

- Kenny's right.

00:04:12,294 --> 00:04:14,672

We should download

some Judas Priest, too.

00:04:14,797 --> 00:04:16,173

Judas Priest.

00:04:16,298 --> 00:04:18,676

Wow! Downloading music for free

is awesome!

00:04:21,220 --> 00:04:23,806

What the hell is that?

- I don't know. Let me check --

00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:26,433

Freeze!

FBI!

00:04:26,558 --> 00:04:28,352

Down on the ground!

Down on the ground!

00:04:30,271 --> 00:04:33,065

Hands!

Let me see those hands!

00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:36,151

Tango team is at Point Bravo!

Suspects in custody!

00:04:36,735 --> 00:04:38,529

Move! Move! Move!

Move! Move! Move!

00:04:38,654 --> 00:04:39,905

Move! Move! Move!

- Keep your hands up!

00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,240

Out to the car!

- Out to the car!

00:04:41,365 --> 00:04:43,242

Kyle, what did you do?

00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:45,077

I don't know!

00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:47,496

All right, guys.

This is gonna be so easy.

00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,164

All we have to do

to make Christian songs

00:04:49,290 --> 00:04:51,875

is take regular old songs

and add Jesus stuff to them.

00:04:52,001 --> 00:04:55,087

See, all we have to do

is cross out words like "baby"

00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:57,798

and "darling"

and replace them with...

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"Jesus."

00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:02,136

All right, Butters.

Give me a beat.

00:05:05,431 --> 00:05:06,640

Okay. Nice.

Very nice.

00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:09,768

All right, Token.

Give me a smooth bass line.

00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:12,187

I don't know how to play bass.

00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:14,606

Token, how many times

do we have to go through this?

00:05:14,732 --> 00:05:16,442

You're black.

You can play bass.

00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:18,193

I'm getting sick

of your stereotypes.

00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:20,863

Be as sick as you want. Just

give me a goddamn bass line!

00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:26,493

God damn it.

00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:31,081

All right.

Nice, fellas. Nice.

00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:33,375

♪ I need you in my life ♪

00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,044

♪ Jesus ♪

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♪ I can't live without you ♪

00:05:37,338 --> 00:05:38,547

♪ Jesus ♪

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♪ And I just want to feel you

deep inside me ♪

00:05:42,092 --> 00:05:43,594

♪ Jesus ♪

00:05:43,719 --> 00:05:45,387

Awesome!

00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:58,525

Um, sir?

00:05:58,650 --> 00:06:00,194

Shut up!

00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:04,448

You downloaded a lot of songs.

00:06:04,573 --> 00:06:07,576

Says here you even downloaded

Judas Priest.

00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:10,037

That's hard time

you boys are looking at.

00:06:10,162 --> 00:06:12,164

You got anything to say

for yourselves?

00:06:12,748 --> 00:06:15,542

We...d-didn't think

it was that big a deal.

00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:17,961

Not a big deal?

00:06:18,087 --> 00:06:23,092

You think downloading music

for free is not a big deal?

00:06:23,217 --> 00:06:24,635

Put your coats on.

00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:26,470

I'm gonna show you something.

00:06:26,595 --> 00:06:28,722

And I don't think

you're gonna like it.

00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:33,852

This is the home of Lars Ulrich,

the drummer for Metallica.

00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:37,815

Look. There's Lars now,

sitting by his pool.

00:06:37,940 --> 00:06:40,150

What's the matter with him?

00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:42,027

This month,

he was hoping to have

00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:43,237

a gold-plated shark-tank bar

00:06:43,362 --> 00:06:44,822

installed right next

to the pool.

00:06:44,947 --> 00:06:47,491

But thanks to people downloading

his music for free,

00:06:47,616 --> 00:06:50,077

he must now wait a few months

before he can afford it.

00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:54,206

Come.

There's more.

00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:57,000

Here's Britney Spears'

private jet.

00:06:57,126 --> 00:06:58,377

Notice anything?

00:06:59,044 --> 00:07:01,672

Britney used to have

a Gulfstream IV.

00:07:01,797 --> 00:07:04,007

Now she's had to sell it

and get a Gulfstream III

00:07:04,133 --> 00:07:07,469

because people like you chose

to download her music for free.

00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:12,516

The Gulfstream III doesn't

even have a remote control

00:07:12,641 --> 00:07:14,560

for its surround-sound

DVD system.

00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:17,521

Still think downloading music

for free is no big deal?

00:07:17,646 --> 00:07:20,649

We...didn't realize

what we were doing.

00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,860

That is the folly of man.

00:07:22,985 --> 00:07:25,070

Now look in this window.

00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:27,656

Here you see the loving family

of Master P.

00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,491

Next week is his son's birthday,

00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:32,661

and all he's ever wanted is

an island in French Polynesia.

00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:35,247

So he's gonna get it, right?

00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:37,374

I see an island

without an owner.

00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:39,626

If things keep going

the way they are,

00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:42,045

the child will not get

his tropical paradise.

00:07:42,171 --> 00:07:42,963

We're sorry!

00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:44,882

We'll never download music

for free again!

00:07:45,007 --> 00:07:47,426

Man must learn to think

of these horrible outcomes

00:07:47,551 --> 00:07:50,846

before he acts selfishly,

or else I fear...

00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,223

recording artists

will be forever doomed

00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:56,018

to a life of only semi-luxury.

00:07:59,271 --> 00:08:01,190

Almost there, guys.

00:08:01,315 --> 00:08:02,357

Ow.

00:08:02,483 --> 00:08:05,235

Why the hell did you tell us to

dress nice to take us out here?

00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,946

Because, Token, we have to take

pictures for our album cover.

00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:09,781

The key to a hot-selling

Christian rock album

00:08:09,907 --> 00:08:11,742

is a flashy,

inspirational album cover.

00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:13,827

Wow! Neato!

An album cover!

00:08:13,952 --> 00:08:15,662

This Christian album

better make as much money

00:08:15,787 --> 00:08:18,165

as you said it would, tubby.

00:08:18,290 --> 00:08:20,250

I'm going to kill you one day,

Token.

00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:22,294

What did you say?

- Nothing! All right, guys.

00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:23,921

Stand over there

and look wholesome and cool.

00:08:24,046 --> 00:08:26,840

I have a timer on this thing

so I can get in the shot, too.

00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:28,842

Cheese!

- No, no, no!

00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:30,511

Haven't you guys ever seen

an album cover?

00:08:30,636 --> 00:08:32,262

You're supposed to be standing

in random places,

00:08:32,387 --> 00:08:34,723

looking away

like you don't care.

00:08:36,934 --> 00:08:38,810

Cheese!

- No, Butters!

00:08:38,936 --> 00:08:40,395

You can't look happy

on an album cover!

00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:41,980

That's not cool!

- Oh.

00:08:42,105 --> 00:08:43,899

Token, look away to the right.

00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,692

More.

More!

00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,486

Why the hell would I be looking

way over there?

00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:49,071

So it looks like

you're too cool to care

00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:51,073

that you're on an album cover,

you black asshole!

00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:52,699

Now, just hold it!

00:08:53,909 --> 00:08:55,285

Our first album cover.

00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:59,081

♪ Don't ever leave me, Jesus ♪

00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:01,625

♪ I couldn't stand

to see you go ♪

00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:03,669

♪ My heart would simply snap,

my Lord ♪

00:09:03,794 --> 00:09:06,296

♪ If you walked on out

that door ♪

00:09:06,421 --> 00:09:08,465

♪ I promise I'll be good

to you ♪

00:09:08,590 --> 00:09:11,218

♪ And keep you warm at night ♪

00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:13,178

♪ Jesus, Jesus, Jesus ♪

00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:16,598

♪ Why don't we just shut off

the light? ♪

00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:26,608

Thanks for releasing them to us,

Detective.

00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:27,985

Sorry for all the trouble

they caused.

00:09:28,110 --> 00:09:28,986

It's all right.

00:09:29,111 --> 00:09:30,737

I think these boys learned

their lesson.

00:09:30,862 --> 00:09:31,655

Boy, I'll say.

00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:33,490

If you parents will just step

over here,

00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:36,285

you can pay their $400 release

and penalty fees.

00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:39,496

$400 just for downloading

some songs off the Internet?

00:09:39,621 --> 00:09:40,831

It's not that big a deal.

00:09:40,956 --> 00:09:43,292

Not a big deal, huh?!

00:09:43,417 --> 00:09:46,086

Come with me.

I'm gonna show you something.

00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:49,756

And I don't think

you're gonna like it.

00:09:49,881 --> 00:09:52,384

Ugh, dude, I can't wait

to just go back home

00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:53,552

and get back to band practice.

00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:54,886

Mrph.

- No!

00:09:55,012 --> 00:09:56,471

Didn't you guys learn anything?

00:09:56,597 --> 00:09:58,515

Look, if we make an album,

all that's gonna happen

00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,018

is people are gonna steal our

songs for free off the Internet.

00:10:01,143 --> 00:10:02,144

We won't make a dime!

00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,145

Oh, yeah.

00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:05,689

Until we get people to stop

downloading music for free,

00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,566

I say we refuse to play!

00:10:07,691 --> 00:10:08,609

Mrph!

00:10:08,734 --> 00:10:11,111

Tom, I'm standing in South Park,

Colorado,

00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:14,114

where the rock band Moop

has refused to play!

00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:17,284

The strike started yesterday and

could go well into next week!

00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:19,620

Oh, hey, guys.

How's it going?

00:10:19,745 --> 00:10:21,705

We're not letting you back

in the band, Cartman. Fuck off.

00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,707

I don't want to be

in your crappy band, guys.

00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:24,875

I just wanted to let you know

00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,336

the album for my Christian

rock band, Faith + 1,

00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:28,837

is about to go platinum.

00:10:29,421 --> 00:10:30,964

- It is?!

- That's right.

00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:32,883

We've already sold 13 copies.

00:10:33,008 --> 00:10:34,801

You want to pay me

that $10 bet now, Kyle?

00:10:34,926 --> 00:10:36,261

♪ Na-na-na-na-na-na ♪

00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:37,596

♪ Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha ♪

00:10:37,721 --> 00:10:39,806

You get a platinum album

for selling one million copies,

00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:40,807

you fat turd!

00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:42,643

It's just a matter of time,

my friends.

00:10:42,768 --> 00:10:43,935

This weekend is Christfest,

00:10:44,061 --> 00:10:46,313

the single largest gathering

of Christians in the Midwest,

00:10:46,438 --> 00:10:48,857

each one of them a walking,

praying wallet full of cash.

00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,525

And I'll be there

selling my album.

00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:52,694

You'll never get a platinum

album doing Christian rock!

00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:55,238

It was a stupid idea then,

and it's a stupid idea now!

00:10:55,364 --> 00:10:57,366

Yeah! You don't even know

anything about Christianity!

00:10:57,491 --> 00:10:59,201

I know enough to exploit it.

00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:02,037

Just get that 10 bucks ready,

Kyle. Ta-ta.

00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,038

Go ahead!

00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,122

People will just download

your songs

00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:05,582

for free on the Internet

anyways!

00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:07,918

What a dumb-ass.

Our band is way cooler than his.

00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:09,127

Mrph.

00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:16,218

Psalm T-shirts!

00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:18,095

Get a T-shirt

with your favorite Psalm!

00:11:18,220 --> 00:11:20,764

Leather-bound Bibles!

Show your faith!

00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:22,516

Yes, it's really

the best Christian album

00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:23,850

that's ever been produced,

actually.

00:11:23,975 --> 00:11:26,144

Ooh! This would be great

for my grandchildren.

00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:29,690

They need hip, cool music,

but with inspirational lyrics.

00:11:29,815 --> 00:11:32,025

I think that's what the whole

world needs. Praise Christ.

00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:34,903

We're not really Christian.

We're just pretendin' we are!

00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:39,241

Butters, remind me later

to cut your balls off.

00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:40,992

All right, everyone!

00:11:41,118 --> 00:11:44,996

Welcome to Christfest 2003!

00:11:45,122 --> 00:11:47,708

Are you ready

for some live music?

00:11:49,292 --> 00:11:50,502

Yeah! Jesus!

00:11:50,627 --> 00:11:52,295

Praise the Lord!

00:11:52,421 --> 00:11:53,630

Then let's give it up now

00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:56,842

for one of Christian rock's

biggest bands, Trinity!

00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:00,762

♪ He's the shepherd

and the light ♪

00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:03,140

♪ And His word lifted me up ♪

00:12:03,265 --> 00:12:07,769

♪ And I praise His holy name

wherever I go ♪

00:12:08,478 --> 00:12:09,187

Damn it!

00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:10,856

If we're gonna sell

our hot Christian album,

00:12:10,981 --> 00:12:12,357

we have got to get on

that stage!

00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:14,359

Hey, is this the way

to the backstage?

00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:16,528

Who are you?

- We're the band Sanctified.

00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:17,654

We play metal and punk

00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:19,865

but with lyrics that inspire

faith in Christ.

00:12:19,990 --> 00:12:22,075

Yeah, we prove that

Christian music can be tough

00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,076

and hard-core.

00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:24,619

Yeah, you guys

are real hard-core.

00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:27,247

You bet your gosh darn rear end

we are!

00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:29,833

All right. Uh, Sanctified?

You guys are up next.

00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:31,668

Yeah!

Let's do it!

00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:33,587

♪ Sent down from heaven ♪

00:12:33,712 --> 00:12:35,630

♪ The spirit and the glory ♪

00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:36,631

H-Hey, guys.

Wait.

00:12:36,757 --> 00:12:39,259

Uh, we want to pray with you

before you go onstage.

00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:40,510

Oh, that -- that's cool.

00:12:40,635 --> 00:12:42,763

Always good to be prayin'

before you're playin'.

00:12:42,888 --> 00:12:44,931

Let's just go over here

so we can hear ourselves better.

00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:46,099

Lord, father in heaven,

00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:48,268

we thank you for

all your blessings on this...

00:12:50,854 --> 00:12:53,940

Hey, Eric,

I don't think they can get out!

00:12:56,485 --> 00:12:59,696

All right, Christians!

How we feeling tonight?!

00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:01,198

Yeah!

Praise Jesus!

00:13:01,323 --> 00:13:02,365

Praise him!

- Praise the Lord!

00:13:02,491 --> 00:13:04,409

Well, let's keep

this salvation train going

00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:07,037

with the hot band Sanctified!

00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:08,163

Faith + 1.

00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,749

Uh, a-apparently

there's been a change.

00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:14,669

Give it up for Faith + 1!

00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:18,757

You know, Jesus,

00:13:18,882 --> 00:13:20,717

I've been thinking a lot

about you lately.

00:13:20,842 --> 00:13:24,805

And, well,

that's why I wrote this song.

00:13:25,514 --> 00:13:29,309

♪ I love you, Jesus ♪

00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:32,437

♪ I want you to walk with me ♪

00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:35,982

♪ I'll take good care of you,

baby ♪

00:13:36,107 --> 00:13:39,861

♪ Call you my baby, baby ♪

00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:42,572

♪ You died for my sins ♪

00:13:42,697 --> 00:13:46,409

♪ And you know that I would die

for you, right? ♪

00:13:46,535 --> 00:13:49,538

♪ What's the matter, baby? ♪

00:13:49,663 --> 00:13:53,667

♪ You're tremblin',

Jesus, baby ♪

00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:56,461

♪ Your love is my light ♪

00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:57,629

♪ You know

when I'm without you ♪

00:13:57,754 --> 00:13:59,631

♪ There's a black hole

in my life ♪

00:13:59,756 --> 00:14:02,843

♪ Oh, I want to believe

it's all right ♪

00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:04,803

♪ But I get lonely

in the night ♪

00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:08,640

♪ And it's up to you

to save me ♪

00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:12,686

♪ Jesus, baby ♪

00:14:17,107 --> 00:14:19,776

Dude, I didn't know being in

a band was gonna be this tough.

00:14:19,901 --> 00:14:20,819

Yeah, it's tough.

00:14:20,944 --> 00:14:21,862

But it's times like these

00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:23,613

that you see what your band

is made of.

00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:26,157

We've got to fight through

the rough times, like Journey.

00:14:26,283 --> 00:14:28,159

Tom, we're now entering

the second day

00:14:28,285 --> 00:14:30,370

of the rock band Moop's

refusal to play

00:14:30,495 --> 00:14:33,874

and the second day of absolutely

no other news to report on.

00:14:33,999 --> 00:14:36,710

In a recent poll, we asked

people if Moop's refusal to play

00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:39,421

would stop them from downloading

music off the Internet.

00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:42,507

1% percent said yes, 2% said no,

00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:45,886

and 97% said,

"Who the hell is Moop?"

00:14:46,011 --> 00:14:47,262

Back to you, Tom.

00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:50,765

Hey, are you the guys protesting

free Internet music downloading?

00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:53,184

Hey, it's that Lars Ulrich guy!

- That's right.

00:14:53,310 --> 00:14:55,896

Metallica is behind you dudes

1,000%!

00:14:56,021 --> 00:14:57,981

We're gonna sit here

and protest with you

00:14:58,106 --> 00:15:00,400

until free downloading stops,

yeah!

00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:03,570

Tom, it appears now

the musicians strike is growing!

00:15:03,695 --> 00:15:06,573

As I'm speaking,

more musicians are arriving!

00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:08,408

It looks like Alanis Morissette,

00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:11,077

Blink-182, Britney Spears,

and dozens of others

00:15:11,202 --> 00:15:13,997

are going to join Moop

in not playing music.

00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:16,833

This is a veritable

Strike-apalooza!

00:15:23,048 --> 00:15:25,258

Guys, we here at Faith Records

were very moved

00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:26,927

by your performance

at Christfest.

00:15:27,052 --> 00:15:28,845

You're one of the most talented

Christian rock bands

00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:30,305

we've ever heard!

00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,973

Thank you so much.

00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:34,059

Christ has really blessed us

with talent.

00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:35,518

Yeah!

00:15:35,644 --> 00:15:37,395

We just had one question,

though.

00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,648

We were looking over

some of your lyrics.

00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:42,901

Uh, "I want to walk hand in hand

with Jesus

00:15:43,026 --> 00:15:44,611

on a private beach for two.

00:15:44,736 --> 00:15:48,865

I want him to nibble on my ear

and say, 'I'm here for you."'

00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:52,118

It -- It seems you really love

Christ.

00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:53,662

Yes, we sure do.

00:15:53,787 --> 00:15:58,917

No, but I-it appears you are

actually in love with Christ.

00:15:59,042 --> 00:16:00,669

Well, what are you saying?

00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:02,754

That -- That you don't really

love Christ?

00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:04,756

Well, of -- of course I do.

I mean, I just --

00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:06,257

Well, what's the difference?

You love Christ.

00:16:06,383 --> 00:16:08,343

You're in love with Christ.

I mean, what the heck is this?!

00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,512

We just like to make sure

the bands we sign

00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,681

are in it for God

and not for the money.

00:16:12,806 --> 00:16:13,974

I resent that, sir.

00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:17,018

I have never in my life done

anything just for the money.

00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:20,021

If I'm lying, may the Lord

strike me down right now.

00:16:20,146 --> 00:16:23,024

Uh-oh.

00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:24,401

That's all we needed to know.

00:16:24,526 --> 00:16:27,153

Just sign here

and we'll get your album sold.

00:16:27,278 --> 00:16:30,782

K-tal Records presents

the most inspirational

00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:34,160

Christian rock band

in the world, Faith + 1,

00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:35,328

featuring the very best

00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:37,580

in good, wholesome

Christian music.

00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:40,166

♪ Oh, Lord, you are my savior ♪

00:16:40,291 --> 00:16:43,670

♪ You know I miss you so much

when you are gone ♪

00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:45,213

With great inspirational songs

00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,757

like "I Wasn't Born Again

Yesterday."

00:16:47,882 --> 00:16:49,926

♪ Yes, I may be born again ♪

00:16:50,051 --> 00:16:53,179

♪ But I wasn't born again

yesterday ♪♪

00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:57,017

♪ I want to get down on my knees

and start pleasin' Jesus ♪

00:16:57,142 --> 00:17:00,228

♪ I want to feel his salvation

all over my face ♪

00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:02,897

The CD is filled

with instant classics.

00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:04,315

Who doesn't remember...

00:17:04,441 --> 00:17:05,817

♪ The body of Christ ♪

00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:08,153

♪ Sleek swimmer's body

all muscled up and toned ♪

00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:10,196

♪ The body of Christ,

oh, what a body ♪

00:17:10,321 --> 00:17:12,198

♪ I wish I could call it

my own ♪♪

00:17:12,323 --> 00:17:15,493

♪ You're one time, two times ♪

00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:18,496

♪ Three times my savior ♪♪

00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:21,249

♪ Whenever I see Jesus

up on that cross ♪

00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,835

♪ I can't help but think

that he looks kinda hot ♪

00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,754

This album is not available

in stores,

00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:27,630

and limited quantities

are available.

00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:28,631

So order now.

00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:34,345

I can't take this much longer.

00:17:34,471 --> 00:17:36,431

Maybe we're just not cut out

to be in a band.

00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:38,308

You guys, we can't give up

on our dreams now!

00:17:38,433 --> 00:17:39,350

As soon as this strike ends,

00:17:39,476 --> 00:17:40,769

we're gonna be

the biggest band ever!

00:17:40,894 --> 00:17:42,103

Yeah, if we all give in now,

00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:44,939

people might never stop

downloading our music for free!

00:17:45,065 --> 00:17:46,441

I'm sure we're gonna get word

any minute

00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:47,817

that people have agreed

to stop.

00:17:49,194 --> 00:17:52,280

Certified letter

for the rock band Moop.

00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:53,740

That's us!

00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:56,576

"Dear Moop,

00:17:56,701 --> 00:17:59,788

this letter is to inform you

that Faith + 1's debut album

00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:02,373

has just sold

one million copies."

00:18:02,499 --> 00:18:03,208

What?

00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:04,375

"We cordially invite you

00:18:04,501 --> 00:18:06,336

to attend the platinum-album

award ceremony

00:18:06,461 --> 00:18:08,213

which will be held

tomorrow morning at 10:00.

00:18:08,338 --> 00:18:10,465

Details and proof of sales

enclosed.

00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:14,803

P.S. -- Na-na-na-na-na-na.

ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha."

00:18:16,096 --> 00:18:18,890

He did it.

Cartman got a platinum album.

00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:21,059

Is this for real?

T-This is for real!

00:18:21,184 --> 00:18:23,895

He beat us because all this time

we've been so caught up

00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:26,606

with how to protect our music

that we forgot to just play!

00:18:26,731 --> 00:18:29,442

But why play if we're not gonna

make millions of dollars?

00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:31,152

Because that's

what real artists do.

00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:33,113

People are always gonna find

a way to copy our music

00:18:33,238 --> 00:18:34,280

and swap it for free.

00:18:34,405 --> 00:18:36,366

If we're real musicians,

then we should just play

00:18:36,491 --> 00:18:38,159

and be stoked that so many

people are listening.

00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:40,662

Besides, maybe our songs would

have gotten downloaded for free.

00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:41,663

But if they were good songs,

00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:42,956

people still would've bought

tickets

00:18:43,081 --> 00:18:44,124

to see our band in concert.

00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:46,084

From now on,

Moop isn't about money.

00:18:46,209 --> 00:18:47,585

Moop is about music!

00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:50,672

We're not striking anymore!

Who's with us?!

00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:52,924

We're just about the money.

00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:53,842

Yeah.

- Yeah.

00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:54,884

Yeah.

00:18:55,009 --> 00:18:55,885

Oh.

00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:57,804

So, dude, what are you gonna do

about your bet with Cartman?

00:18:57,929 --> 00:18:58,972

Are you gonna pay him?

00:18:59,097 --> 00:19:00,306

I don't have a choice, dude.

00:19:00,431 --> 00:19:02,142

I'm gonna swallow my pride,

face Cartman,

00:19:02,267 --> 00:19:03,977

and say, "Congratulations.

You were right."

00:19:04,102 --> 00:19:05,478

And I'm gonna give him the $10.

00:19:05,603 --> 00:19:08,314

And hopefully he won't make

a big deal out of it.

00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:18,658

Welcome! Welcome, everyone!

Please enjoy!

00:19:18,783 --> 00:19:20,326

The presentation should begin

shortly.

00:19:20,451 --> 00:19:21,870

Cartman, what the hell

is all this?

00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:23,997

Our platinum-album ceremony.

I've spared no expense.

00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:25,665

But you spent all the money

we made!

00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:27,792

We're Faith + 1, Token.

There'll be plenty more money.

00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:29,544

Relax and enjoy, black asshole.

00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:30,879

There's hors d'oeuvres

and drinks

00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:32,213

by the Ferris wheel, everyone!

00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:35,425

Oh, Kyle! Guys!

So nice to see you!

00:19:35,550 --> 00:19:36,926

Let's just get this over with,

Cartman.

00:19:37,051 --> 00:19:38,219

You won the bet.

Here's $10.

00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:40,513

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Not yet, Kyle. Hold on.

00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:42,765

Everyone? Everyone, can I have

your attention, please?

00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:45,268

Whoo-hoo! Faith + 1!

00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:47,270

We love you! Praise Christ!

00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:48,813

Yes, yes. Thank -- Thank you.

Praise Him.

00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:50,940

I think we're ready

to start now.

00:19:52,483 --> 00:19:56,905

Welcome to the presentation

ceremony for Faith + 1!

00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:02,327

And now to present the award,

here is Michael Collins!

00:20:02,452 --> 00:20:04,078

This is the worst day

of my life.

00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:06,331

Ah.

This is the best day of my life.

00:20:06,456 --> 00:20:09,709

Boys, in recognition of over

one million records sold,

00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:12,170

the Christian recording industry

is pleased to present you

00:20:12,295 --> 00:20:14,297

with this myrrh album.

00:20:16,341 --> 00:20:18,218

Thank you very -- myrrh album?

00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:19,886

I thought albums went

either gold or platinum.

00:20:20,011 --> 00:20:21,763

No, no, in Christian rock,

our albums go gold,

00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:23,306

then Frankincense, then myrrh.

00:20:23,431 --> 00:20:24,474

Congratulations!

00:20:24,599 --> 00:20:25,225

Ha!

00:20:25,350 --> 00:20:26,809

Our bet was you would get

a platinum album,

00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:27,936

not a myrrh album!

00:20:28,061 --> 00:20:30,063

I don't owe you anything,

fat boy!

00:20:30,188 --> 00:20:31,731

You mean I can never get

a platinum album

00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:32,815

with a Christian rock band?

00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:34,484

No, but you can go double myrrh.

00:20:36,277 --> 00:20:38,154

God damn it!

00:20:39,864 --> 00:20:41,449

Oh, please don't take

the Lord's name in vain.

00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:42,325

Who cares?!

00:20:42,450 --> 00:20:44,285

I can never win my bet

because you stupid assholes

00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:45,787

don't give out platinum albums!

00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:47,163

But you've spread the word

of the Lord.

00:20:47,288 --> 00:20:48,665

You've brought faith in Jesus.

00:20:48,790 --> 00:20:50,250

Oh, fuck Jesus!

00:20:52,835 --> 00:20:53,878

Eric, I-I'm pretty sure

00:20:54,003 --> 00:20:55,880

you shouldn't say the "F" word

about Jesus.

00:20:56,005 --> 00:20:57,382

Yeah.

You're gonna hurt the band.

00:20:57,507 --> 00:21:00,051

Who fucking cares, Token?

I can never beat Kyle now!

00:21:00,176 --> 00:21:02,345

I'll say it again!

Fuck Jesus!

00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:05,056

My ears are bleeding!

00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:07,433

Good job, dick head!

You lost the entire audience!

00:21:07,558 --> 00:21:10,019

Aw, fuck you, Token,

you black asshole!

00:21:10,144 --> 00:21:11,521

Aah! Oh!

00:21:11,646 --> 00:21:13,815

Ugh!

00:21:18,236 --> 00:21:20,113

Hmm.

Guess he got what he deserved.

00:21:30,415 --> 00:21:33,626

Fuck you, Eric.

00:21:33,751 --> 00:21:34,961

♪ The body of Christ ♪

00:21:35,086 --> 00:21:37,297

♪ Sleek swimmer's body

all muscled up and toned ♪

00:21:37,422 --> 00:21:39,299

♪ The body of Christ,

oh, what a body ♪

00:21:39,424 --> 00:21:41,134

♪ I wish I could call it

my own ♪

00:21:41,259 --> 00:21:44,554

♪ Lord almighty,

I've never been so enticed ♪

00:21:44,679 --> 00:21:47,557

♪ Oh, I wish I could have

the body of Christ ♪

00:21:47,682 --> 00:21:49,434

♪ The body of Christ ♪

- ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

00:21:49,559 --> 00:21:51,311

♪ The body of Christ ♪

- ♪ Yeah ♪

00:21:51,436 --> 00:21:53,354

♪ The body of Christ ♪

- ♪ Oh, oh ♪

00:21:53,479 --> 00:21:56,774

♪ Lord almighty,

I've never been so enticed ♪

00:21:56,899 --> 00:21:59,485

♪ Oh, I wish I could have

the body of Christ ♪

00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:13,806

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:15,599

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:18,602

♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,604

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:20,730 --> 00:00:22,356

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

00:00:22,481 --> 00:00:25,401

♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:28,904

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:33,117

♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:37,163

♪ Summertime love's

gonna get me down ♪

00:00:37,288 --> 00:00:39,915

♪ Summertime is right, girl,

for touchin' in the night ♪

00:00:40,041 --> 00:00:42,209

♪ Girl, won't you feel

my summertime? ♪

00:00:42,334 --> 00:00:45,463

♪ Come on and touch

my summertime! ♪

00:00:46,172 --> 00:00:47,798

Stan, are you okay?

00:00:47,923 --> 00:00:49,550

Yeah, Dad.

We're just rehearsing our band.

00:00:49,675 --> 00:00:50,509

Ohhhh.

00:00:50,634 --> 00:00:52,219

I thought a group

of Vietnamese people

00:00:52,344 --> 00:00:55,765

were having their intestines

pulled out through their mouths.

00:00:55,890 --> 00:00:56,766

[Door closes]

00:00:56,891 --> 00:00:59,226

[Laughs]

00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:00,311

He's right, dude.

00:01:00,436 --> 00:01:01,395

We have to define our style

00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:02,980

if we're ever going to make

a platinum album.

00:01:03,105 --> 00:01:04,148

I mean, I'm a fusion guy.

00:01:04,273 --> 00:01:05,983

But Kenny's background

is more Latin jazz.

00:01:06,108 --> 00:01:07,026

Mrph rm!

00:01:07,151 --> 00:01:09,195

Yeah. And I'm more hip-hop

and R&B-oriented.

00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:11,614

I think our band better buy

a whole bunch of music CDs

00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,449

to listen to for inspiration.

00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,284

- Inspiration.

- [ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:16,285

Wait a minute.

00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:18,287

That's it!

Inspiration, you guys.

00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:19,830

- Don't you see?

- See what?

00:01:19,955 --> 00:01:23,709

Our band should play

Christian rock!

00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:25,961

Christian rock?

- Think about it!

00:01:26,087 --> 00:01:27,922

It's the easiest, crappiest

music in the world, right?

00:01:28,047 --> 00:01:30,091

If we just play songs

about how much we love Jesus,

00:01:30,216 --> 00:01:32,134

all the Christians

will buy our crap.

00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:33,636

That's a retarded idea, Cartman!

00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:34,845

It worked for Creed!

00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:36,847

I don't want to be

in a stupid Christian rock band.

00:01:36,972 --> 00:01:38,974

You just start that way, Stan,

then you cross over.

00:01:39,100 --> 00:01:39,975

It's genius!

00:01:40,101 --> 00:01:41,310

Just get the hell out of here,

Cartman!

00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,270

You're not serious, and you're

a detriment to the band!

00:01:43,395 --> 00:01:44,063

Oh, yeah?

00:01:44,188 --> 00:01:46,732

I will bet you 10 bucks that if

I start a Christian rock band,

00:01:46,857 --> 00:01:48,776

I can get a platinum album

before you guys do!

00:01:48,901 --> 00:01:50,861

You're on, fat boy!

- Okay! Fine!

00:01:50,986 --> 00:01:53,405

Ready? First one to have

a platinum album wins.

00:01:53,531 --> 00:01:55,074

Go!

[Breathing heavily]

00:01:55,199 --> 00:01:57,409

[Door opens, closes]

00:01:57,535 --> 00:01:59,245

What a stupid asshole.

00:01:59,370 --> 00:02:01,247

[Breathing heavily]

00:02:01,372 --> 00:02:02,748

Platinum album!

Platinum album!

00:02:02,873 --> 00:02:04,458

Got to make a platinum album

before Kyle!

00:02:04,583 --> 00:02:06,168

[Grunts]

00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:07,503

Oh, hi, Eric.

00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,338

Butters, get your drum set

and meet me at my house!

00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,715

We have to make a platinum

album! Hurry, Butters!

00:02:12,842 --> 00:02:14,218

Oh.

00:02:14,343 --> 00:02:16,345

No time to waste!

Platinum album!

00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:17,638

Must beat Kyle!

00:02:18,264 --> 00:02:20,099

Token, get the bass guitar

out of your basement

00:02:20,224 --> 00:02:21,725

and meet me over at my house!

00:02:21,851 --> 00:02:23,978

What?!

We don't have a bass guitar.

00:02:24,103 --> 00:02:25,855

Your family's black, Token.

00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:27,356

There's bound to be

a bass guitar

00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:29,608

in your basement somewhere!

00:02:32,945 --> 00:02:34,530

Boy, you sure seem driven,

Eric.

00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,532

You must really have

some i-inspiration.

00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,117

Yes -- the tears

of Kyle Broflovski

00:02:38,242 --> 00:02:39,743

when he loses his $10 to me.

00:02:39,869 --> 00:02:41,954

Hey, there was a bass guitar

in my basement.

00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:43,414

I told you, Token.

00:02:43,539 --> 00:02:44,582

So what are we doing?

00:02:44,707 --> 00:02:46,083

Gentlemen,

we are about to embark

00:02:46,208 --> 00:02:47,418

on the most amazing,

life-affirming,

00:02:47,543 --> 00:02:49,628

financially windfalling

experiences of our young lives.

00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:50,671

Wow!

00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:53,591

We are going to start

a Christian rock band.

00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:55,509

Aw.

00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:57,261

I'm out.

- Wait!

00:02:57,386 --> 00:02:58,596

Walk out that door, Token,

00:02:58,721 --> 00:03:00,472

and you'll regret it

the rest of your life.

00:03:00,598 --> 00:03:01,932

Christians have

a built-in audience

00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:03,434

of over 180 million Americans.

00:03:03,559 --> 00:03:06,187

If each one of them buys just

one of our albums at $12.95,

00:03:06,312 --> 00:03:09,773

that would be...

- $2,331,000,000.

00:03:09,899 --> 00:03:11,901

Still want to leave, Token?

00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:15,029

Thank you.

00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:17,948

Dad, can I borrow $300?

00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:20,201

$300?

What in the world for?

00:03:20,326 --> 00:03:22,203

Our band can't find

a stylistic direction to go in.

00:03:22,328 --> 00:03:24,455

We need to go to the mall to buy

hundreds of CDs to listen to

00:03:24,580 --> 00:03:26,415

so we can define our sound.

00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,626

Sorry, Kyle. We gave you

your allowance already.

00:03:28,751 --> 00:03:30,836

Can't you see this is my dream?

00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:32,171

Music is my life!

00:03:32,296 --> 00:03:33,964

It wasn't your life yesterday.

00:03:34,089 --> 00:03:36,425

Look, Pops.

I've got the music inside me.

00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:37,593

It's in my soul.

00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,595

And I know my place is up

on that stage.

00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:42,431

I'm gonna make it to the top.

I just want your blessing, Pops.

00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:43,891

The answer is no, Kyle.

00:03:44,016 --> 00:03:45,768

Aw, come on, Dad!

Don't be such a Jew!

00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:47,770

Kyle, don't belittle

your own people!

00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:48,854

[Groans]

00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:49,980

[Doorbell rings]

00:03:50,105 --> 00:03:51,440

Hey, dude.

- It didn't work.

00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,776

My stupid Jew dad

won't lend me money for CDs.

00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:55,194

No, dude.

It's cool.

00:03:55,319 --> 00:03:57,780

Kenny says you can download

music for free on the Internet.

00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:58,822

Really?

- Rm!

00:03:58,948 --> 00:04:00,115

You got a computer?

00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:04,203

See? Everyone on the Internet

copies music from their CDs.

00:04:04,328 --> 00:04:06,580

We can download them for free

and play them on the computer!

00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:07,831

All right!

Cool!

00:04:07,957 --> 00:04:10,668

Let's download some Metallica

and some Stevie Wonder.

00:04:10,793 --> 00:04:12,169

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

- Kenny's right.

00:04:12,294 --> 00:04:14,672

We should download

some Judas Priest, too.

00:04:14,797 --> 00:04:16,173

Judas Priest.

[Computer chimes]

00:04:16,298 --> 00:04:18,676

Wow! Downloading music for free

is awesome!

00:04:18,801 --> 00:04:21,095

[Helicopter whirring,

sirens wailing]

00:04:21,220 --> 00:04:23,806

What the hell is that?

- I don't know. Let me check --

00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:26,433

Freeze!

FBI!

00:04:26,558 --> 00:04:28,352

Down on the ground!

Down on the ground!

00:04:28,477 --> 00:04:30,145

[Thudding]

00:04:30,271 --> 00:04:33,065

Hands!

Let me see those hands!

00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:36,151

Tango team is at Point Bravo!

Suspects in custody!

00:04:36,735 --> 00:04:38,529

Move! Move! Move!

Move! Move! Move!

00:04:38,654 --> 00:04:39,905

Move! Move! Move!

- Keep your hands up!

00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,240

Out to the car!

- Out to the car!

00:04:41,365 --> 00:04:43,242

Kyle, what did you do?

00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:45,077

I don't know!

00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:47,496

All right, guys.

This is gonna be so easy.

00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,164

All we have to do

to make Christian songs

00:04:49,290 --> 00:04:51,875

is take regular old songs

and add Jesus stuff to them.

00:04:52,001 --> 00:04:55,087

See, all we have to do

is cross out words like "baby"

00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:57,798

and "darling"

and replace them with...

00:04:57,923 --> 00:04:59,758

"Jesus."

00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:02,136

All right, Butters.

Give me a beat.

00:05:02,261 --> 00:05:05,306

[Plays mid-tempo beat]

00:05:05,431 --> 00:05:06,640

Okay. Nice.

Very nice.

00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:09,768

All right, Token.

Give me a smooth bass line.

00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:12,187

I don't know how to play bass.

00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:14,606

Token, how many times

do we have to go through this?

00:05:14,732 --> 00:05:16,442

You're black.

You can play bass.

00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:18,193

I'm getting sick

of your stereotypes.

00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:20,863

Be as sick as you want. Just

give me a goddamn bass line!

00:05:22,114 --> 00:05:25,409

[Plays mid-tempo rhythm]

00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:26,493

God damn it.

00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:28,871

[Music continues]

00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:31,081

All right.

Nice, fellas. Nice.

00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:33,375

♪ I need you in my life ♪

00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,044

♪ Jesus ♪

00:05:35,169 --> 00:05:37,212

♪ I can't live without you ♪

00:05:37,338 --> 00:05:38,547

♪ Jesus ♪

00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:41,967

♪ And I just want to feel you

deep inside me ♪

00:05:42,092 --> 00:05:43,594

♪ Jesus ♪

00:05:43,719 --> 00:05:45,387

Awesome!

00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:47,723

[Dramatic music plays]

00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:58,525

Um, sir?

00:05:58,650 --> 00:06:00,194

Shut up!

00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:04,448

You downloaded a lot of songs.

00:06:04,573 --> 00:06:07,576

Says here you even downloaded

Judas Priest.

00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:10,037

That's hard time

you boys are looking at.

00:06:10,162 --> 00:06:12,164

You got anything to say

for yourselves?

00:06:12,748 --> 00:06:15,542

We...d-didn't think

it was that big a deal.

00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:17,961

Not a big deal?

00:06:18,087 --> 00:06:23,092

You think downloading music

for free is not a big deal?

00:06:23,217 --> 00:06:24,635

Put your coats on.

00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:26,470

I'm gonna show you something.

00:06:26,595 --> 00:06:28,722

And I don't think

you're gonna like it.

00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:29,890

[Birds chirping]

00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:33,852

This is the home of Lars Ulrich,

the drummer for Metallica.

00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:37,815

Look. There's Lars now,

sitting by his pool.

00:06:37,940 --> 00:06:40,150

[Down-tempo music plays]

What's the matter with him?

00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:42,027

This month,

he was hoping to have

00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:43,237

a gold-plated shark-tank bar

00:06:43,362 --> 00:06:44,822

installed right next

to the pool.

00:06:44,947 --> 00:06:47,491

But thanks to people downloading

his music for free,

00:06:47,616 --> 00:06:50,077

he must now wait a few months

before he can afford it.

00:06:50,202 --> 00:06:51,787

[Sobs]

00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:54,206

Come.

There's more.

00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:57,000

Here's Britney Spears'

private jet.

00:06:57,126 --> 00:06:58,377

Notice anything?

00:06:59,044 --> 00:07:01,672

Britney used to have

a Gulfstream IV.

00:07:01,797 --> 00:07:04,007

Now she's had to sell it

and get a Gulfstream III

00:07:04,133 --> 00:07:07,469

because people like you chose

to download her music for free.

00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:09,638

[Sighs]

00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:12,516

The Gulfstream III doesn't

even have a remote control

00:07:12,641 --> 00:07:14,560

for its surround-sound

DVD system.

00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:17,521

Still think downloading music

for free is no big deal?

00:07:17,646 --> 00:07:20,649

We...didn't realize

what we were doing.

00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,860

That is the folly of man.

00:07:22,985 --> 00:07:25,070

Now look in this window.

00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:27,656

Here you see the loving family

of Master P.

00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,491

Next week is his son's birthday,

00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:32,661

and all he's ever wanted is

an island in French Polynesia.

00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:35,247

So he's gonna get it, right?

00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:37,374

I see an island

without an owner.

00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:39,626

If things keep going

the way they are,

00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:42,045

the child will not get

his tropical paradise.

00:07:42,171 --> 00:07:42,963

We're sorry!

00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:44,882

We'll never download music

for free again!

00:07:45,007 --> 00:07:47,426

Man must learn to think

of these horrible outcomes

00:07:47,551 --> 00:07:50,846

before he acts selfishly,

or else I fear...

00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,223

recording artists

will be forever doomed

00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:56,018

to a life of only semi-luxury.

00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:59,146

[Gulls crying, waves breaking]

00:07:59,271 --> 00:08:01,190

Almost there, guys.

00:08:01,315 --> 00:08:02,357

Ow.

00:08:02,483 --> 00:08:05,235

Why the hell did you tell us to

dress nice to take us out here?

00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,946

Because, Token, we have to take

pictures for our album cover.

00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:09,781

The key to a hot-selling

Christian rock album

00:08:09,907 --> 00:08:11,742

is a flashy,

inspirational album cover.

00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:13,827

Wow! Neato!

An album cover!

00:08:13,952 --> 00:08:15,662

This Christian album

better make as much money

00:08:15,787 --> 00:08:18,165

as you said it would, tubby.

00:08:18,290 --> 00:08:20,250

I'm going to kill you one day,

Token.

00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:22,294

What did you say?

- Nothing! All right, guys.

00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:23,921

Stand over there

and look wholesome and cool.

00:08:24,046 --> 00:08:26,840

I have a timer on this thing

so I can get in the shot, too.

00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:28,842

Cheese!

- No, no, no!

00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:30,511

Haven't you guys ever seen

an album cover?

00:08:30,636 --> 00:08:32,262

You're supposed to be standing

in random places,

00:08:32,387 --> 00:08:34,723

looking away

like you don't care.

00:08:36,934 --> 00:08:38,810

Cheese!

- No, Butters!

00:08:38,936 --> 00:08:40,395

You can't look happy

on an album cover!

00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:41,980

That's not cool!

- Oh.

00:08:42,105 --> 00:08:43,899

Token, look away to the right.

00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,692

More.

More!

00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,486

Why the hell would I be looking

way over there?

00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:49,071

So it looks like

you're too cool to care

00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:51,073

that you're on an album cover,

you black asshole!

00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:52,699

Now, just hold it!

00:08:53,909 --> 00:08:55,285

Our first album cover.

00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:57,162

[Shutter clicks]

00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:59,081

♪ Don't ever leave me, Jesus ♪

00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:01,625

♪ I couldn't stand

to see you go ♪

00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:03,669

♪ My heart would simply snap,

my Lord ♪

00:09:03,794 --> 00:09:06,296

♪ If you walked on out

that door ♪

00:09:06,421 --> 00:09:08,465

♪ I promise I'll be good

to you ♪

00:09:08,590 --> 00:09:11,218

♪ And keep you warm at night ♪

00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:13,178

♪ Jesus, Jesus, Jesus ♪

00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:16,598

♪ Why don't we just shut off

the light? ♪

00:09:21,436 --> 00:09:25,065

[Dramatic music plays]

00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:26,608

Thanks for releasing them to us,

Detective.

00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:27,985

Sorry for all the trouble

they caused.

00:09:28,110 --> 00:09:28,986

It's all right.

00:09:29,111 --> 00:09:30,737

I think these boys learned

their lesson.

00:09:30,862 --> 00:09:31,655

Boy, I'll say.

00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:33,490

If you parents will just step

over here,

00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:36,285

you can pay their $400 release

and penalty fees.

00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:39,496

$400 just for downloading

some songs off the Internet?

00:09:39,621 --> 00:09:40,831

It's not that big a deal.

00:09:40,956 --> 00:09:43,292

Not a big deal, huh?!

00:09:43,417 --> 00:09:46,086

Come with me.

I'm gonna show you something.

00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:49,756

And I don't think

you're gonna like it.

00:09:49,881 --> 00:09:52,384

Ugh, dude, I can't wait

to just go back home

00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:53,552

and get back to band practice.

00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:54,886

Mrph.

- No!

00:09:55,012 --> 00:09:56,471

Didn't you guys learn anything?

00:09:56,597 --> 00:09:58,515

Look, if we make an album,

all that's gonna happen

00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,018

is people are gonna steal our

songs for free off the Internet.

00:10:01,143 --> 00:10:02,144

We won't make a dime!

00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,145

Oh, yeah.

00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:05,689

Until we get people to stop

downloading music for free,

00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,566

I say we refuse to play!

00:10:07,691 --> 00:10:08,609

Mrph!

00:10:08,734 --> 00:10:11,111

Tom, I'm standing in South Park,

Colorado,

00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:14,114

where the rock band Moop

has refused to play!

00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:17,284

The strike started yesterday and

could go well into next week!

00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:19,620

Oh, hey, guys.

How's it going?

00:10:19,745 --> 00:10:21,705

We're not letting you back

in the band, Cartman. Fuck off.

00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,707

I don't want to be

in your crappy band, guys.

00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:24,875

I just wanted to let you know

00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,336

the album for my Christian

rock band, Faith + 1,

00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:28,837

is about to go platinum.

00:10:29,421 --> 00:10:30,964

- It is?!

- That's right.

00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:32,883

We've already sold 13 copies.

00:10:33,008 --> 00:10:34,801

You want to pay me

that $10 bet now, Kyle?

00:10:34,926 --> 00:10:36,261

♪ Na-na-na-na-na-na ♪

00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:37,596

♪ Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha ♪

00:10:37,721 --> 00:10:39,806

You get a platinum album

for selling one million copies,

00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:40,807

you fat turd!

00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:42,643

It's just a matter of time,

my friends.

00:10:42,768 --> 00:10:43,935

This weekend is Christfest,

00:10:44,061 --> 00:10:46,313

the single largest gathering

of Christians in the Midwest,

00:10:46,438 --> 00:10:48,857

each one of them a walking,

praying wallet full of cash.

00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,525

And I'll be there

selling my album.

00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:52,694

You'll never get a platinum

album doing Christian rock!

00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:55,238

It was a stupid idea then,

and it's a stupid idea now!

00:10:55,364 --> 00:10:57,366

Yeah! You don't even know

anything about Christianity!

00:10:57,491 --> 00:10:59,201

I know enough to exploit it.

00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:02,037

Just get that 10 bucks ready,

Kyle. Ta-ta.

00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,038

Go ahead!

00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,122

People will just download

your songs

00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:05,582

for free on the Internet

anyways!

00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:07,918

What a dumb-ass.

Our band is way cooler than his.

00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:09,127

Mrph.

00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:16,218

Psalm T-shirts!

00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:18,095

Get a T-shirt

with your favorite Psalm!

00:11:18,220 --> 00:11:20,764

Leather-bound Bibles!

Show your faith!

00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:22,516

Yes, it's really

the best Christian album

00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:23,850

that's ever been produced,

actually.

00:11:23,975 --> 00:11:26,144

Ooh! This would be great

for my grandchildren.

00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:29,690

They need hip, cool music,

but with inspirational lyrics.

00:11:29,815 --> 00:11:32,025

I think that's what the whole

world needs. Praise Christ.

00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:34,903

We're not really Christian.

We're just pretendin' we are!

00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:39,241

Butters, remind me later

to cut your balls off.

00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:40,992

MAN:

All right, everyone!

00:11:41,118 --> 00:11:44,996

- Welcome to Christfest 2003!

- [ Cheers and applause ]

00:11:45,122 --> 00:11:47,708

Are you ready

for some live music?

00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:49,167

[ Crowd cheering ]

00:11:49,292 --> 00:11:50,502

Yeah! Jesus!

00:11:50,627 --> 00:11:52,295

Praise the Lord!

00:11:52,421 --> 00:11:53,630

Then let's give it up now

00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:56,842

for one of Christian rock's

biggest bands, Trinity!

00:11:56,967 --> 00:11:58,343

[Cheers and applause]

00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:00,762

♪ He's the shepherd

and the light ♪

00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:03,140

♪ And His word lifted me up ♪

00:12:03,265 --> 00:12:07,769

♪ And I praise His holy name

wherever I go ♪

00:12:08,478 --> 00:12:09,187

Damn it!

00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:10,856

If we're gonna sell

our hot Christian album,

00:12:10,981 --> 00:12:12,357

we have got to get on

that stage!

00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:14,359

Hey, is this the way

to the backstage?

00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:16,528

Who are you?

- We're the band Sanctified.

00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:17,654

We play metal and punk

00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:19,865

but with lyrics that inspire

faith in Christ.

00:12:19,990 --> 00:12:22,075

Yeah, we prove that

Christian music can be tough

00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,076

and hard-core.

00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:24,619

Yeah, you guys

are real hard-core.

00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:27,247

You bet your gosh darn rear end

we are!

00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:29,833

All right. Uh, Sanctified?

You guys are up next.

00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:31,668

Yeah!

Let's do it!

00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:33,587

♪ Sent down from heaven ♪

00:12:33,712 --> 00:12:35,630

♪ The spirit and the glory ♪

00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:36,631

H-Hey, guys.

Wait.

00:12:36,757 --> 00:12:39,259

Uh, we want to pray with you

before you go onstage.

00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:40,510

Oh, that -- that's cool.

00:12:40,635 --> 00:12:42,763

Always good to be prayin'

before you're playin'.

00:12:42,888 --> 00:12:44,931

Let's just go over here

so we can hear ourselves better.

00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:46,099

Lord, father in heaven,

00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:48,268

we thank you for

all your blessings on this...

00:12:48,393 --> 00:12:50,729

[Crowd cheering in distance]

00:12:50,854 --> 00:12:53,940

Hey, Eric,

I don't think they can get out!

00:12:56,485 --> 00:12:59,696

All right, Christians!

How we feeling tonight?!

00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:01,198

Yeah!

Praise Jesus!

00:13:01,323 --> 00:13:02,365

Praise him!

- Praise the Lord!

00:13:02,491 --> 00:13:04,409

Well, let's keep

this salvation train going

00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:07,037

with the hot band Sanctified!

00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:08,163

Faith + 1.

00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,749

Uh, a-apparently

there's been a change.

00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:14,669

Give it up for Faith + 1!

00:13:14,795 --> 00:13:17,255

[Slow introduction plays]

00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:18,757

You know, Jesus,

00:13:18,882 --> 00:13:20,717

I've been thinking a lot

about you lately.

00:13:20,842 --> 00:13:24,805

And, well,

that's why I wrote this song.

00:13:25,514 --> 00:13:29,309

♪ I love you, Jesus ♪

00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:32,437

♪ I want you to walk with me ♪

00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:35,982

♪ I'll take good care of you,

baby ♪

00:13:36,107 --> 00:13:39,861

♪ Call you my baby, baby ♪

00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:42,572

♪ You died for my sins ♪

00:13:42,697 --> 00:13:46,409

♪ And you know that I would die

for you, right? ♪

00:13:46,535 --> 00:13:49,538

♪ What's the matter, baby? ♪

00:13:49,663 --> 00:13:53,667

♪ You're tremblin',

Jesus, baby ♪

00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:56,461

♪ Your love is my light ♪

00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:57,629

♪ You know

when I'm without you ♪

00:13:57,754 --> 00:13:59,631

♪ There's a black hole

in my life ♪

00:13:59,756 --> 00:14:02,843

♪ Oh, I want to believe

it's all right ♪

00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:04,803

♪ But I get lonely

in the night ♪

00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:08,640

♪ And it's up to you

to save me ♪

00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:12,686

♪ Jesus, baby ♪

00:14:13,270 --> 00:14:15,981

[Birds chirping]

00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:16,982

[Sighs]

00:14:17,107 --> 00:14:19,776

Dude, I didn't know being in

a band was gonna be this tough.

00:14:19,901 --> 00:14:20,819

Yeah, it's tough.

00:14:20,944 --> 00:14:21,862

But it's times like these

00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:23,613

that you see what your band

is made of.

00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:26,157

We've got to fight through

the rough times, like Journey.

00:14:26,283 --> 00:14:28,159

Tom, we're now entering

the second day

00:14:28,285 --> 00:14:30,370

of the rock band Moop's

refusal to play

00:14:30,495 --> 00:14:33,874

and the second day of absolutely

no other news to report on.

00:14:33,999 --> 00:14:36,710

In a recent poll, we asked

people if Moop's refusal to play

00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:39,421

would stop them from downloading

music off the Internet.

00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:42,507

1% percent said yes, 2% said no,

00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:45,886

and 97% said,

"Who the hell is Moop?"

00:14:46,011 --> 00:14:47,262

Back to you, Tom.

00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:50,765

Hey, are you the guys protesting

free Internet music downloading?

00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:53,184

Hey, it's that Lars Ulrich guy!

- That's right.

00:14:53,310 --> 00:14:55,896

Metallica is behind you dudes

1,000%!

00:14:56,021 --> 00:14:57,981

We're gonna sit here

and protest with you

00:14:58,106 --> 00:15:00,400

until free downloading stops,

yeah!

00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:03,570

Tom, it appears now

the musicians strike is growing!

00:15:03,695 --> 00:15:06,573

As I'm speaking,

more musicians are arriving!

00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:08,408

It looks like Alanis Morissette,

00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:11,077

Blink-182, Britney Spears,

and dozens of others

00:15:11,202 --> 00:15:13,997

are going to join Moop

in not playing music.

00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:16,833

This is a veritable

Strike-apalooza!

00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:20,670

[Choir vocalizing]

00:15:23,048 --> 00:15:25,258

Guys, we here at Faith Records

were very moved

00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:26,927

by your performance

at Christfest.

00:15:27,052 --> 00:15:28,845

You're one of the most talented

Christian rock bands

00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:30,305

we've ever heard!

00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,973

Thank you so much.

00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:34,059

Christ has really blessed us

with talent.

00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:35,518

[Laughing]

Yeah!

00:15:35,644 --> 00:15:37,395

We just had one question,

though.

00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,648

We were looking over

some of your lyrics.

00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:42,901

Uh, "I want to walk hand in hand

with Jesus

00:15:43,026 --> 00:15:44,611

on a private beach for two.

00:15:44,736 --> 00:15:48,865

I want him to nibble on my ear

and say, 'I'm here for you."'

00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:52,118

It -- It seems you really love

Christ.

00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:53,662

Yes, we sure do.

00:15:53,787 --> 00:15:58,917

No, but I-it appears you are

actually in love with Christ.

00:15:59,042 --> 00:16:00,669

Well, what are you saying?

00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:02,754

That -- That you don't really

love Christ?

00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:04,756

Well, of -- of course I do.

I mean, I just --

00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:06,257

Well, what's the difference?

You love Christ.

00:16:06,383 --> 00:16:08,343

You're in love with Christ.

I mean, what the heck is this?!

00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,512

We just like to make sure

the bands we sign

00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,681

are in it for God

and not for the money.

00:16:12,806 --> 00:16:13,974

I resent that, sir.

00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:17,018

I have never in my life done

anything just for the money.

00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:20,021

If I'm lying, may the Lord

strike me down right now.

00:16:20,146 --> 00:16:23,024

Uh-oh.

00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:24,401

That's all we needed to know.

00:16:24,526 --> 00:16:27,153

Just sign here

and we'll get your album sold.

00:16:27,278 --> 00:16:30,782

K-tal Records presents

the most inspirational

00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:34,160

Christian rock band

in the world, Faith + 1,

00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:35,328

featuring the very best

00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:37,580

in good, wholesome

Christian music.

00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:40,166

♪ Oh, Lord, you are my savior ♪

00:16:40,291 --> 00:16:43,670

♪ You know I miss you so much

when you are gone ♪

00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:45,213

With great inspirational songs

00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,757

like "I Wasn't Born Again

Yesterday."

00:16:47,882 --> 00:16:49,926

♪ Yes, I may be born again ♪

00:16:50,051 --> 00:16:53,179

♪ But I wasn't born again

yesterday ♪♪

00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:57,017

♪ I want to get down on my knees

and start pleasin' Jesus ♪

00:16:57,142 --> 00:17:00,228

♪ I want to feel his salvation

all over my face ♪

00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:02,897

The CD is filled

with instant classics.

00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:04,315

Who doesn't remember...

00:17:04,441 --> 00:17:05,817

♪ The body of Christ ♪

00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:08,153

♪ Sleek swimmer's body

all muscled up and toned ♪

00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:10,196

♪ The body of Christ,

oh, what a body ♪

00:17:10,321 --> 00:17:12,198

♪ I wish I could call it

my own ♪♪

00:17:12,323 --> 00:17:15,493

♪ You're one time, two times ♪

00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:18,496

♪ Three times my savior ♪♪

00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:21,249

♪ Whenever I see Jesus

up on that cross ♪

00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,835

♪ I can't help but think

that he looks kinda hot ♪

00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,754

This album is not available

in stores,

00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:27,630

and limited quantities

are available.

00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:28,631

So order now.

00:17:28,757 --> 00:17:31,843

[Indistinct conversations,

birds chirping]

00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:34,345

I can't take this much longer.

00:17:34,471 --> 00:17:36,431

Maybe we're just not cut out

to be in a band.

00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:38,308

You guys, we can't give up

on our dreams now!

00:17:38,433 --> 00:17:39,350

As soon as this strike ends,

00:17:39,476 --> 00:17:40,769

we're gonna be

the biggest band ever!

00:17:40,894 --> 00:17:42,103

Yeah, if we all give in now,

00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:44,939

people might never stop

downloading our music for free!

00:17:45,065 --> 00:17:46,441

I'm sure we're gonna get word

any minute

00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:47,817

that people have agreed

to stop.

00:17:49,194 --> 00:17:52,280

Certified letter

for the rock band Moop.

00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:53,740

That's us!

00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:56,576

"Dear Moop,

00:17:56,701 --> 00:17:59,788

this letter is to inform you

that Faith + 1's debut album

00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:02,373

has just sold

one million copies."

00:18:02,499 --> 00:18:03,208

What?

00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:04,375

"We cordially invite you

00:18:04,501 --> 00:18:06,336

to attend the platinum-album

award ceremony

00:18:06,461 --> 00:18:08,213

which will be held

tomorrow morning at 10:00.

00:18:08,338 --> 00:18:10,465

Details and proof of sales

enclosed.

00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:14,803

P.S. -- Na-na-na-na-na-na.

ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha."

00:18:16,096 --> 00:18:18,890

He did it.

Cartman got a platinum album.

00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:21,059

Is this for real?

T-This is for real!

00:18:21,184 --> 00:18:23,895

He beat us because all this time

we've been so caught up

00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:26,606

with how to protect our music

that we forgot to just play!

00:18:26,731 --> 00:18:29,442

But why play if we're not gonna

make millions of dollars?

00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:31,152

Because that's

what real artists do.

00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:33,113

People are always gonna find

a way to copy our music

00:18:33,238 --> 00:18:34,280

and swap it for free.

00:18:34,405 --> 00:18:36,366

If we're real musicians,

then we should just play

00:18:36,491 --> 00:18:38,159

and be stoked that so many

people are listening.

00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:40,662

Besides, maybe our songs would

have gotten downloaded for free.

00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:41,663

But if they were good songs,

00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:42,956

people still would've bought

tickets

00:18:43,081 --> 00:18:44,124

to see our band in concert.

00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:46,084

From now on,

Moop isn't about money.

00:18:46,209 --> 00:18:47,585

Moop is about music!

00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:50,672

We're not striking anymore!

Who's with us?!

00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:52,924

We're just about the money.

00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:53,842

Yeah.

- Yeah.

00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:54,884

Yeah.

00:18:55,009 --> 00:18:55,885

Oh.

00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:57,804

So, dude, what are you gonna do

about your bet with Cartman?

00:18:57,929 --> 00:18:58,972

Are you gonna pay him?

00:18:59,097 --> 00:19:00,306

I don't have a choice, dude.

00:19:00,431 --> 00:19:02,142

I'm gonna swallow my pride,

face Cartman,

00:19:02,267 --> 00:19:03,977

and say, "Congratulations.

You were right."

00:19:04,102 --> 00:19:05,478

And I'm gonna give him the $10.

00:19:05,603 --> 00:19:08,314

And hopefully he won't make

a big deal out of it.

00:19:08,439 --> 00:19:11,442

["Stars and Stripes Forever"

playing]

00:19:11,568 --> 00:19:14,279

[Elephants trumpeting]

00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:18,658

Welcome! Welcome, everyone!

Please enjoy!

00:19:18,783 --> 00:19:20,326

The presentation should begin

shortly.

00:19:20,451 --> 00:19:21,870

Cartman, what the hell

is all this?

00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:23,997

Our platinum-album ceremony.

I've spared no expense.

00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:25,665

But you spent all the money

we made!

00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:27,792

We're Faith + 1, Token.

There'll be plenty more money.

00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:29,544

Relax and enjoy, black asshole.

00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:30,879

There's hors d'oeuvres

and drinks

00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:32,213

by the Ferris wheel, everyone!

00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:35,425

Oh, Kyle! Guys!

So nice to see you!

00:19:35,550 --> 00:19:36,926

Let's just get this over with,

Cartman.

00:19:37,051 --> 00:19:38,219

You won the bet.

Here's $10.

00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:40,513

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Not yet, Kyle. Hold on.

00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:42,765

Everyone? Everyone, can I have

your attention, please?

00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:45,268

[ Cheers and applause ]

Whoo-hoo! Faith + 1!

00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:47,270

We love you! Praise Christ!

00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:48,813

Yes, yes. Thank -- Thank you.

Praise Him.

00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:50,940

I think we're ready

to start now.

00:19:52,483 --> 00:19:56,905

[Announcer]

Welcome to the presentation

ceremony for Faith + 1!

00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:58,740

[Cheers and applause]

00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:02,327

And now to present the award,

here is Michael Collins!

00:20:02,452 --> 00:20:04,078

This is the worst day

of my life.

00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:06,331

Ah.

This is the best day of my life.

00:20:06,456 --> 00:20:09,709

Boys, in recognition of over

one million records sold,

00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:12,170

the Christian recording industry

is pleased to present you

00:20:12,295 --> 00:20:14,297

with this myrrh album.

00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:16,216

[Cheers and applause]

00:20:16,341 --> 00:20:18,218

Thank you very -- myrrh album?

00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:19,886

I thought albums went

either gold or platinum.

00:20:20,011 --> 00:20:21,763

No, no, in Christian rock,

our albums go gold,

00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:23,306

then Frankincense, then myrrh.

00:20:23,431 --> 00:20:24,474

Congratulations!

00:20:24,599 --> 00:20:25,225

Ha!

00:20:25,350 --> 00:20:26,809

Our bet was you would get

a platinum album,

00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:27,936

not a myrrh album!

00:20:28,061 --> 00:20:30,063

I don't owe you anything,

fat boy!

00:20:30,188 --> 00:20:31,731

You mean I can never get

a platinum album

00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:32,815

with a Christian rock band?

00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:34,484

No, but you can go double myrrh.

00:20:36,277 --> 00:20:38,154

God damn it!

00:20:38,279 --> 00:20:39,739

[Gasps]

00:20:39,864 --> 00:20:41,449

Oh, please don't take

the Lord's name in vain.

00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:42,325

Who cares?!

00:20:42,450 --> 00:20:44,285

I can never win my bet

because you stupid assholes

00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:45,787

don't give out platinum albums!

00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:47,163

But you've spread the word

of the Lord.

00:20:47,288 --> 00:20:48,665

You've brought faith in Jesus.

00:20:48,790 --> 00:20:50,250

Oh, fuck Jesus!

00:20:50,375 --> 00:20:51,417

[Crowd gasps]

00:20:51,542 --> 00:20:52,710

[Screams]

00:20:52,835 --> 00:20:53,878

Eric, I-I'm pretty sure

00:20:54,003 --> 00:20:55,880

you shouldn't say the "F" word

about Jesus.

00:20:56,005 --> 00:20:57,382

Yeah.

You're gonna hurt the band.

00:20:57,507 --> 00:21:00,051

Who fucking cares, Token?

I can never beat Kyle now!

00:21:00,176 --> 00:21:02,345

I'll say it again!

Fuck Jesus!

00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:05,056

[ Crowd screaming ]

My ears are bleeding!

00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:07,433

Good job, dick head!

You lost the entire audience!

00:21:07,558 --> 00:21:10,019

Aw, fuck you, Token,

you black asshole!

00:21:10,144 --> 00:21:11,521

Aah! Oh!

00:21:11,646 --> 00:21:13,815

Ugh!

[Coughing]

00:21:18,236 --> 00:21:20,113

Hmm.

Guess he got what he deserved.

00:21:20,238 --> 00:21:24,158

[Coughing, gasping]

00:21:24,284 --> 00:21:26,536

[Moaning, coughing]

00:21:30,415 --> 00:21:33,626

[Farts]

Fuck you, Eric.

00:21:33,751 --> 00:21:34,961

♪ The body of Christ ♪

00:21:35,086 --> 00:21:37,297

♪ Sleek swimmer's body

all muscled up and toned ♪

00:21:37,422 --> 00:21:39,299

♪ The body of Christ,

oh, what a body ♪

00:21:39,424 --> 00:21:41,134

♪ I wish I could call it

my own ♪

00:21:41,259 --> 00:21:44,554

♪ Lord almighty,

I've never been so enticed ♪

00:21:44,679 --> 00:21:47,557

♪ Oh, I wish I could have

the body of Christ ♪

00:21:47,682 --> 00:21:49,434

♪ The body of Christ ♪

- ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

00:21:49,559 --> 00:21:51,311

♪ The body of Christ ♪

- ♪ Yeah ♪

00:21:51,436 --> 00:21:53,354

♪ The body of Christ ♪

- ♪ Oh, oh ♪

00:21:53,479 --> 00:21:56,774

♪ Lord almighty,

I've never been so enticed ♪

00:21:56,899 --> 00:21:59,485

♪ Oh, I wish I could have

the body of Christ ♪