Маленькие борцы с преступностью

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♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

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♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

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♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

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♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

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♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

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♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

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Mrph rmhmhm rm!

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

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♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

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Yes?

Oh, hello, boys.

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Hello, sir.

South Park Junior Detectives.

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We were wondering

if you have any crimes

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you need solved for a dollar.

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Ooh, little crime stoppers,

huh?

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Well, I'm afraid I don't have

any crimes

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I need solved right now.

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Aw, shit.

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All right, sir. Well, please

call us if you need anything.

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I'll do that.

Have fun, boys.

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Stupid assholes.

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How come nobody has a crime

to solve?

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Maybe starting a detective club

isn't such a great idea.

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It's a great idea. We just have

to keep working at it.

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Oh, hello there, boys!

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Hello, ma'am. We're detectives

with the South Park Crime Unit.

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Do you have any crimes

you need solved for a dollar?

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Ooh.

Neighborhood detectives, huh?

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Well, let me th--

Ooh, yes!

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There is something!

- Really?

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Yes -- two days ago, I put

a fresh-baked cherry pie

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out on my windowsill to cool.

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And later, when I went

to get it, it was gone.

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My God.

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Have you reported this

to any other authorities?

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No, but I think it's

a perfect case for you kids.

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Cool! We'll see what

we can find, ma'am!

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We're on the case.

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What have you got, Marsh?

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Detective McCormick found

something interesting.

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Jesus.

We're too late.

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I think we can piece

this case together now.

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Seen for the first time

on HBC...

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My pie tin! Ooh, but what

happened to the pie?

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Well, we've all

talked it through,

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and we've come up with a theory.

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What do you think happened,

little detectives?

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You said you set the pie

on the windowsill,

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where it must have sat

for some time.

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But its sweet smell attracted

the attention of somebody.

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Your husband!

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He wanted that pie badly,

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but he knew that he was

not allowed to eat it yet.

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Slowly, the rage built

inside his mind.

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"Why won't she let me eat

that pie?

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Why does she always stop me

from doing what I want to do?"

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His only solution became

obvious -- kill her.

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His plan was to use a hammer.

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Bash, bash, bash your

skull in, causing instant death.

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To make it impossible

for police to identify the body,

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he would use a shovel

to remove your head...

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Then saw off the arms and legs.

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The torso,

he would dump into the lake.

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The arms and legs,

he would dissolve

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with acid and lye

in the bathtub.

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And then, finally,

he'd be able to eat that pie.

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But before he could

go through with his entire plan,

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he discovered that the pie

had already been eaten --

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by your dog.

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Looks like the game is over,

old man!

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Oh my God!

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What kind of television

have you kids been watching?

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Just the news.

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All right, all right.

You -- You boys run along now!

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Hey, you owe us a dollar, lady!

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Fine! Here!

Just go!

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Wow! Look, you guys!

Our first dollar!

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We're in business.

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Kenny, you got the F.A.G.

on that perp in Washington?

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Boys, you have a little visitor.

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Is this

the South Park Crime Unit?

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Oh!

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Yes, it is!

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I lost my dolly.

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Thank you, Miss secretary.

That will be all.

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And get us some more cookies

and coffee!

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We're not paying you

to sit on your ass!

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Do you know

where your doll is?

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If I knew where it was,

it wouldn't be lost.

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All right, Sarah.

Come over here.

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I want you to describe

what the doll looks like

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to our sketch artist, Kenny.

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She has curly blond hair...

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and a red dress...

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and a turned-up nose.

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And a blue bow in her hair.

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You got it, Ken?

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All right.

Let's see.

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Damn it, Kenny!

That's not what she said!

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Put that away, dude.

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Don't worry, ma'am.

We'll find your doll.

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No sign of forced entry.

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But the window isn't locked.

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Right, so it's possible

the thief sat out in that tree.

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He would have watched Sarah

with her doll,

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possibly while cutting the palms

of his hand with a large knife.

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The pain gave him sick pleasure.

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Disposing of the doll

wouldn't be easy.

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He would've brought a shovel

to decapitate it.

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We're going to need

semen samples

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from everything in this room.

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All right.

Let's do this by the books.

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O'Donnell, get me smears of all

the places the doll used to be.

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Mitchell, run a tap

on the phone.

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Hey, kid, what are you doing?

00:04:28,352 --> 00:04:30,646

Agent Tucker, FBI.

And you?

00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:31,647

Detective Marsh.

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I'm in charge

of this investigation.

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Not anymore you're not.

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Hey, this is our case.

You can't come in and take over.

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Can't we?

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You guys are playing detectives.

We're playing FBI.

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That gives us jurisdiction

over you.

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Aw, crap!

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I want choppers on the roof

ready to go.

00:04:45,411 --> 00:04:47,413

Dude, we've been working

this case since 2:30.

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Good. Then you can help us by

telling me everything you know.

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Son of a bitch.

Stupid FBI.

00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:55,462

Well, I guess we can go back

to playing laundromat.

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No, we're not gonna stop

playing detectives.

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We've just got to find that doll

before those FBI guys do.

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Mrph.

- Yeah, but how?

00:05:01,719 --> 00:05:02,886

We're gonna have to start

bringing in people

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for questioning.

- Right.

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And I think I know

exactly where to start.

00:05:08,851 --> 00:05:10,519

Where were you this morning

at 9:00, Butters?

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I was at home.

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Your story is full of holes,

and I'm gonna beat your ass

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if you don't start telling

the truth.

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Mrph, rmhmhm rm mrph rmh.

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Mrph rmhmhm rm, rmh.

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They've really gotten good

at this good-cop, bad-cop thing.

00:05:21,155 --> 00:05:22,865

You're going down, Butters.

You hear me?!

00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:25,534

Mrph, rmh mrph rm.

Mrph rmhmhm rm.

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You're a worthless two-dollar

criminal, and you're lying!

00:05:27,703 --> 00:05:29,872

Mrph, rmhmhm rm

mrph rmh.

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I don't have nothing to confess.

Honestly!

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Fine.

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Then you won't mind giving us

a semen sample.

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How do I do that?

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You make the semen

come out of your body

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and put it in this cup!

00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:41,216

How do I make semen

come out of my body?

00:05:41,342 --> 00:05:42,217

Stop playing games!

00:05:42,343 --> 00:05:43,886

I'm not playing.

I really don't know.

00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:45,637

That does it.

Wait right here!

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You guys, did you hear that?

00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:50,059

Butters doesn't know

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how you make semen come out

of your body.

00:05:52,144 --> 00:05:53,771

How do you make semen

come out?

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I don't know.

I was hoping you guys did.

00:05:55,773 --> 00:05:57,024

It's that thing we learned about

in school

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where you pull on your wiener

until white stuff comes out.

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Really?

- Oh, right.

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You're supposed to pull

and master-ber-nate your wiener

00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:04,073

really fast.

- Oh, okay.

00:06:04,198 --> 00:06:05,240

Okay, retard.

00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:07,284

You really don't know

how to make semen come out?

00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:09,370

No.

- Follow me to the bathroom.

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Mrph, rmhmhm rm.

Mrph rmh rmphm.

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Now, go sit on the toilet

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and pull and tug on your wiener

until white stuff comes out.

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Then put it in this cup.

- My wiener?

00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:20,839

Yes, retard,

semen comes from your wiener.

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Now, do it!

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Well, Butters?

00:06:29,098 --> 00:06:31,225

I'm pulling on my wiener,

but nothing's happening.

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Well, pull harder!

00:06:33,685 --> 00:06:35,062

Ow!

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Ow!

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It's not working.

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Try doing it faster.

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Ow. Ow.

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Ow. Ow, ow, ow, ow,

ow, ow, ow, ow.

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No. Nothing.

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Butters, you want to go to jail

for the rest of your life?!

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No!

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Then you better get that sample

no matter how long it takes!

00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:50,994

Okay!

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Cartman! Cartman!

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We just got a tip that a doll

was found near Fosse's house!

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Let's go.

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Ow. Ow!

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Huh, okay,

Miss -- Miss Jones, huh.

00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:08,804

Me and Dr. Flick here

just need to check your vagina.

00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:09,805

Huh huh huh.

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Huh. That's gay.

- Yeah, that's gay.

00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:15,394

Kyle.

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What?

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What?

00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,215

I see two guys inside.

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They have Sarah Peterson's doll,

you stupid Jew!

00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:51,138

They've got the doll.

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Okay. Okay.

Ready?

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Ring the doorbell.

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W-W-Who is it?

00:08:02,608 --> 00:08:03,859

South Park Junior Detectives.

00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,611

We know you have

Sarah Peterson's doll.

00:08:05,736 --> 00:08:07,613

Heh.

They're playing detective.

00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:09,156

Huh huh.

That's gay.

00:08:09,281 --> 00:08:10,365

Huh huh.

You're gay!

00:08:10,491 --> 00:08:11,825

What do we do now?

00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:12,993

I don't know.

00:08:13,118 --> 00:08:14,661

If they're not gonna give us

back the doll,

00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:16,413

we have no choice.

00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:18,665

Let's go tell on them.

00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:20,375

Dude, we can't just tell

on them.

00:08:20,501 --> 00:08:21,376

Why not?

00:08:21,502 --> 00:08:22,836

Because, dude,

we're playing detectives.

00:08:22,961 --> 00:08:24,671

Detectives don't just go tell

on people.

00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:26,590

H-Hey, detectives.

00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:28,300

Huh huh, if you

don't get out of here,

00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:29,927

we're gonna rip

the doll's head off.

00:08:30,052 --> 00:08:30,969

Huh huh huh.

00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:32,095

Huh huh. Yeah.

00:08:32,221 --> 00:08:34,640

We were playing gynecologist,

and now we're playing criminals.

00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:36,558

Huh huh. Yeah.

That's gay.

00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,060

Huh huh.

We're gay.

00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:40,145

Jesus. They're gonna kill her.

- We've got to do something.

00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:41,313

Time.

Time is what we need.

00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:42,773

But time is something

we ain't got!

00:08:42,898 --> 00:08:44,775

Attention!

You in the house!

00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:46,276

This is Agent Tucker

with the FBI.

00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:48,070

We have you surrounded --

sort of.

00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:50,614

Hey, you buttholes

can't play FBI here.

00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:52,324

Yeah.

This was our hot lead.

00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:54,326

And you did a great job

leading us here.

00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:56,078

Now you just stay out

of our way.

00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,371

The gig is up, Fosse.

00:08:57,496 --> 00:08:59,540

Bring out the doll

or we'll tell on you.

00:08:59,665 --> 00:09:01,375

We're going to charge

the front door and go get it.

00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:02,376

No, you're not.

00:09:02,501 --> 00:09:04,127

Damn it, man, this is not

the time for negotiations!

00:09:04,253 --> 00:09:06,380

There's a little doll about to

have her head twisted off!

00:09:06,505 --> 00:09:07,381

Climb off, kid.

00:09:07,506 --> 00:09:08,799

We say you can't charge

the front door,

00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:10,217

and you have to obey

what the FBI says.

00:09:10,342 --> 00:09:11,218

That's the rules.

00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:13,136

Just because your parents

can afford better toys than ours

00:09:13,262 --> 00:09:14,513

doesn't make you better than us.

00:09:14,638 --> 00:09:17,474

Yes, it does so.

00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:22,729

Mrph rmh rmphm?

00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:24,106

We go get the doll ourselves.

00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:26,108

But they said we can't charge

the front door.

00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:28,193

That's right.

00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:31,113

But they didn't say anything

about going in the back.

00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:32,114

Come on, guys.

00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:33,865

You don't want to hurt

that doll.

00:09:33,991 --> 00:09:35,742

Huh huh. Oh, crap.

They're coming in the back.

00:09:37,536 --> 00:09:39,079

Mrph. Mrph.

00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:41,164

Huh huh.

00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:44,084

Huh huh.

That's gay.

00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:46,295

Bang! Bang! Bang!

I got you, Fosse.

00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:48,005

Huh. No, you didn't.

- Did so!

00:09:48,130 --> 00:09:50,757

No, 'cause I got

special wizard armor on.

00:09:50,882 --> 00:09:52,551

We're not playing

Dungeons and Dragons, ass face!

00:09:52,676 --> 00:09:53,677

All right. That does it.

00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:56,096

Cover me.

I'm going slo-mo.

00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,269

Oh. He got me.

00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:03,937

Bleah. Huh.

00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:05,814

Bleah. Bleah.

00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:06,898

Huh huh.

Yeah.

00:10:07,024 --> 00:10:09,943

Ohh, ugh.

Ohh, ugh.

00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:11,445

Huh huh.

We're dead.

00:10:11,570 --> 00:10:13,280

Huh huh.

That's gay.

00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:15,907

We got it.

00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:25,042

Ms. Peterson,

is your daughter home?

00:10:26,168 --> 00:10:27,294

My dolly!

00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:31,048

We got her back safe. We lost a

lot of good men in the process.

00:10:31,173 --> 00:10:32,841

Well, you boys are

little heroes.

00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,426

I'm gonna call

the police department

00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:36,803

and let them know what brave

little detectives you are.

00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,602

Hello, there,

little crime stoppers.

00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:46,188

I'm Lieutenant Dawson

with the Park County police.

00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:47,564

I heard you did a great job

00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:49,900

finding little Sarah Peterson's

doll.

00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:51,234

We do what we can, sir.

00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,445

Well, that's fantastic, kids.

00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:55,656

And for all your

terrific sleuth-solving,

00:10:55,781 --> 00:10:58,992

I'm hereby making you all

Junior Detectives.

00:11:01,787 --> 00:11:02,621

Wow.

00:11:02,746 --> 00:11:03,872

Awesome.

- Sweet.

00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:06,833

That means you boys are now an

official part of the department.

00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:07,709

Cool!

00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:09,795

All right. So, ready

for your first assignment?

00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:11,296

Sure.

- Okay.

00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:14,049

There's a meth lab

down at 567 Mala Vista.

00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:15,676

The operators are probably armed

to the hilt

00:11:15,801 --> 00:11:16,802

with illegal weapons.

00:11:16,927 --> 00:11:19,262

I want you to get down there

and see what you can find.

00:11:20,931 --> 00:11:22,974

Uh...a-a meth lab?

00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:25,352

I don't want any problems.

Just take 'em down by the books.

00:11:25,477 --> 00:11:26,353

Now, get over there.

00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:28,230

The mayor's all over my ass

on this one.

00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:32,442

Oh, and, deputies,

you screw this up,

00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:34,945

and I'll have you working

graveyard shift behind a desk.

00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:36,321

Move it!

00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:40,992

What is a meth lab, anyway?

00:11:41,118 --> 00:11:42,202

I don't know.

Let's just hurry up.

00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:44,246

I want to get home in time

to watch Crime Drama.

00:11:56,925 --> 00:11:59,761

Uh, police.

Open up.

00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:01,763

Oh, crap. Did you guys do

your math homework?

00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:03,265

Oh, dude.

I totally spaced it.

00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:06,143

You die, pigs!

00:12:07,978 --> 00:12:09,730

You want to die, huh?!

00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:20,407

You won't take us alive!

00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,877

So long, coppers.

00:12:32,002 --> 00:12:33,879

Oh, shit!

00:12:39,551 --> 00:12:42,053

Damn.

00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:46,057

One UPS vehicle

valued at $25,000,

00:12:46,183 --> 00:12:48,310

one civilian vehicle

worth $16,000,

00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:49,853

the second floor

of the post office,

00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:52,606

and a coffee shop

valued at $60,000.

00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:54,858

The mayor's gonna have my ass!

00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:57,068

Uh, sir, we just got

kind of blindsided by the --

00:12:57,194 --> 00:12:58,278

You got careless!

00:12:58,403 --> 00:12:59,988

Now, I don't know

how they do things

00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:02,657

down at that dog-and-pony show

they call the fourth grade,

00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:03,992

but here we have rules.

00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:06,161

Jesus, we don't even have guys

to question now

00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:07,537

because you killed them all!

00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:08,789

We're sorry.

00:13:08,914 --> 00:13:11,082

One more slipup like that,

and I'll have your badges.

00:13:11,208 --> 00:13:13,835

You hear me?

Now, hit the showers.

00:13:14,795 --> 00:13:17,881

Well, well, well.

If it isn't the super cops.

00:13:19,508 --> 00:13:22,219

Hey, Murphy, think they'll

let me borrow their G.I. Joes?

00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:25,347

Come on, you guys.

Leave 'em alone.

00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:28,350

Relax, Hopkins.

All fun and games, right?

00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:29,851

So, tell us, rookies,

00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:32,854

you, uh, find yourself

a little bonus in that house?

00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:33,939

A bonus?

00:13:34,064 --> 00:13:36,483

Come on. We all skim a little

off the top.

00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:39,861

Oh.

Or are you too good for that?

00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,321

You think you're

gonna waltz in here

00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:42,781

and clean up the system,

is that it?

00:13:42,906 --> 00:13:44,866

We just want to be

Junior Detectives.

00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:46,117

Look, we all work hard.

00:13:46,243 --> 00:13:48,662

And we deserve more than

the $30,000 a year we get paid.

00:13:48,787 --> 00:13:50,705

So what if we take in

a little on the side?

00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:52,707

Yeah. Who the hell are you

to change that?

00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:54,334

I said back off, Murphy.

00:13:54,459 --> 00:13:56,253

Why don't you and your

rookie friends make us?

00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:57,712

That's right! Come on!

- Yeah, that's right.

00:13:57,838 --> 00:13:59,130

Bring it!

- Let's go. Come on! Bring it!

00:13:59,256 --> 00:14:00,799

What the hell

is the problem here?!

00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:02,217

No problem, sir.

00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,010

No problem at all.

00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:07,097

Then hit the showers,

all of you.

00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:13,979

Dude, I don't want to

play detective anymore.

00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:15,897

Me neither.

- It'll get better, you guys.

00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:17,274

Better how, dude?

00:14:17,399 --> 00:14:19,943

Look, we wanted to form a club

to protect and serve South Park.

00:14:20,068 --> 00:14:21,152

We put all this time into it.

00:14:21,278 --> 00:14:22,654

What do you guys want to do,

huh?

00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:24,906

Go back to playing car mechanics

or laundromat owners?

00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:26,616

We were happy playing

laundromat owners.

00:14:26,741 --> 00:14:27,534

I wasn't.

00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:28,577

We started playing detective

00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:30,287

because we wanted our playtime

to mean something.

00:14:30,412 --> 00:14:31,955

Or have you forgotten

why you joined the force?

00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:33,748

Hey, Broflovski's a good cop.

00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:36,001

You guys can go back to playing

laundromat owners if you want,

00:14:36,126 --> 00:14:37,919

but I'm not gonna give

those kids playing the FBI

00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:39,337

a chance to laugh at us.

00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:41,673

I'll see you guys at school

tomorrow.

00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:52,183

Eric, where have you been?

It's 10:30.

00:14:52,309 --> 00:14:54,144

We had to take down a meth lab

on Mala Vista.

00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:55,645

Well, you should have

called Mommy.

00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:56,855

Will you get off my back?!

00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:58,189

It's hard enough

I got to work the beat.

00:14:58,315 --> 00:15:00,275

Then I got to come home

to your nagging?

00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,152

Look. Look. I-I'm sorry.

00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:04,779

It's just this case and

the guys down at the station --

00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:06,823

I'm tired, all right?

I'm tired.

00:15:06,948 --> 00:15:09,242

Well, why don't you get ready

for snoogums' night-night,

00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:12,078

and I'll bring you some

toasty chocolate nummers?

00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:13,830

Okay.

00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:19,002

Oh! Ow.

00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:20,670

- Butters?

- Yes?

00:15:20,795 --> 00:15:22,756

Are you still trying to give

a semen sample?

00:15:22,881 --> 00:15:25,258

I'm trying,

but nothing's coming out.

00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:27,218

Well, keep trying, Butters.

00:15:27,344 --> 00:15:28,762

Okay.

00:15:28,887 --> 00:15:31,306

Ow.

Ow!

00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:35,101

And so you can see, children,

00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:37,479

that the women's movement

of the late '50s and early '60s

00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:41,024

had a profound effect on

feminism in America -- Uh, boys?

00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:44,736

Would it trouble you terribly

not to sleep in my class?!

00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:46,738

Oh, we weren't sleeping,

Mr. Garrison.

00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:48,740

Oh, well, then maybe you can

tell me who was in charge

00:15:48,865 --> 00:15:50,992

of the feminist movement

of the early '60s.

00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:53,745

A bunch of fat old skanks

on their periods?

00:15:54,329 --> 00:15:57,707

Right, but who was the fattest,

oldest skank on her period?

00:15:59,501 --> 00:16:01,962

That's what I thought.

Now, pay attention!

00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:03,922

Okay, children,

now the biggest skank of all

00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:05,423

was an old fat ass

by the name of --

00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:07,467

Marsh! Broflovski!

McCormick! Cartman!

00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:09,844

In my office!

00:16:12,389 --> 00:16:14,307

Looks like that meth lab

you took down

00:16:14,432 --> 00:16:15,850

was just the tip of the iceberg.

00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:17,477

They found a paper trail

leading all the way

00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:19,938

to the biggest crime syndicate

in Colorado.

00:16:20,063 --> 00:16:20,772

Uh-oh.

00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:22,440

The operators apparently

run their business

00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:24,526

out of a sleazy strip joint

down in Englewood.

00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:28,238

They're all cop killers, so I'm

sending you in undercover.

00:16:28,363 --> 00:16:30,782

Uh, sir, I have a lot

of homework to do tonight,

00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:32,033

and I was --

- What?!

00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:32,993

Now, you listen to me.

00:16:33,118 --> 00:16:34,577

I'm giving you one last chance.

00:16:34,703 --> 00:16:37,205

You're good cops, but you let

your emotions get in the way.

00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:40,542

And your little shoot-first,

ask-questions-later technique

00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,043

has no place in this century!

00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:44,129

Now, you get down

to that strip joint,

00:16:44,254 --> 00:16:46,297

and you do it by the books,

you got it?!

00:16:46,423 --> 00:16:49,009

The mayor is -- my ass --

Blah blah blah!

00:16:53,430 --> 00:16:56,641

So, what did you boys

have to say to the lieutenant?

00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:58,601

Nothing. He just told us

a bunch of stuff.

00:16:58,727 --> 00:17:01,104

Maybe you decided you needed to

tell him about our...

00:17:01,229 --> 00:17:02,188

bonus money.

00:17:02,313 --> 00:17:03,523

No.

00:17:05,150 --> 00:17:06,693

They're lying.

00:17:06,818 --> 00:17:08,653

They're dead.

00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:20,331

Dude, if my mom

knew I was in here,

00:17:20,457 --> 00:17:22,709

I would be in super-big trouble.

00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:25,295

Mrph rmh!

00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:29,966

Would you like a dance?

00:17:30,091 --> 00:17:30,884

No, thanks.

00:17:31,009 --> 00:17:33,595

Dance?

Anyone like a dance?

00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,180

All right, guys.

put your hands together.

00:17:35,305 --> 00:17:36,264

Be sure to tip the dancers.

00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,516

All right.

Now let's hear it for Candy.

00:17:38,641 --> 00:17:41,019

Whoa. Whoa. What the hell

are you kids doing in here?

00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:43,438

This isn't an appropriate place

for children.

00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:44,814

Dance?

00:17:44,939 --> 00:17:46,775

Anyone like a dance?

00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:48,735

Uh, it's okay.

We know the owner.

00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:50,779

Oh, really?

Let's go see.

00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:53,990

We'll have to start having the

McCormicks make our meth again.

00:17:54,115 --> 00:17:56,201

Hey, Gino, these kids

say they know you.

00:17:56,326 --> 00:17:58,453

What?

I don't know no kids.

00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,955

I didn't think so.

All right, you kids.

00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:01,956

Hey, wait a minute.

00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:03,458

These kids might be

just what we need

00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:05,627

to get our drugs past

the security at D.I.A.

00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,629

how would you like to join

our family?

00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:10,548

Yo, Gino, I know I seen

these kids before, man.

00:18:10,673 --> 00:18:12,550

These kids are five-o.

- What?

00:18:12,675 --> 00:18:14,177

These kids are cops, man!

00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:17,472

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,142

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

- Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:24,395

Mrph rmh.

Mrph rmh.

00:18:24,521 --> 00:18:26,356

Kenny, it doesn't go

"peekew-peekew."

00:18:26,481 --> 00:18:27,982

It goes "Bang! Bang! Bang!"

00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:34,280

God damn it!

00:18:34,405 --> 00:18:37,617

Those Junior Detectives and

their heroically reckless ways.

00:18:37,742 --> 00:18:39,661

Murphy, Jenkins, Hopkins,

get in there!

00:18:43,414 --> 00:18:45,166

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

Bang! Bang!

00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:50,797

Da-a-a-nce?!

Anybody like a da-a-a-a-nce?

00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:53,299

Freeze!

South Park detectives!

00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:57,470

Great job, boys.

You found the meth boss.

00:18:58,054 --> 00:19:00,723

Detective Murphy. Jenkins.

What the hell are you doing?

00:19:00,849 --> 00:19:02,308

We had a deal!

00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:04,060

A deal?

00:19:04,185 --> 00:19:06,688

That's right. We're partners

in the drug business.

00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:09,816

Everything was fine until these

super cops joined the force.

00:19:11,025 --> 00:19:12,485

Now we got to kill you all.

00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:13,486

Boys! Down!

00:19:19,784 --> 00:19:20,994

All right, guys.

Put your hands together.

00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:22,245

Lot of shootin'

and killin' going on.

00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:23,413

But be sure to tip

your waitress.

00:19:23,538 --> 00:19:25,665

Let's hear it for Rebecca.

00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:30,879

Christ! Those Junior Detectives

have no regard for the law.

00:19:32,881 --> 00:19:35,592

Get me a hard line to the phone.

And I want choppers on the roof!

00:19:35,717 --> 00:19:37,093

Who the hell are you?

00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:38,803

Agent Fields, FBI.

00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:40,889

Hey, I'm in charge

of this investigation.

00:19:41,014 --> 00:19:42,891

Not anymore you're not.

00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:45,059

But that's not fair!

00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:47,187

Is so!

Is so!

00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:52,942

Aah!

00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:54,777

Sorry, Detective Hopkins.

00:19:54,903 --> 00:19:57,780

We can't let anybody know

about our partnership.

00:19:57,906 --> 00:20:00,742

That's right.

We split it all, 50-50!

00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:02,702

That's right.

00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:06,748

I think we'll take 100% now.

00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:07,874

Huh huh. Yeah.

00:20:07,999 --> 00:20:09,751

Sorry, Gino,

but in business like this,

00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:11,878

sometimes partnerships

need to end.

00:20:12,003 --> 00:20:14,589

That's right.

00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,966

Sometimes partnerships

need to end.

00:20:18,218 --> 00:20:19,177

Well, super cops,

00:20:19,302 --> 00:20:22,096

looks like I'll be taking in

all the money now.

00:20:22,222 --> 00:20:23,514

I'm in business alone.

00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:27,060

And that means that the only

person that I can't trust...

00:20:27,185 --> 00:20:28,645

is myself.

00:20:35,610 --> 00:20:38,279

Looks like Murphy and Jenkins

got what they deserved.

00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:39,447

If it weren't for you boys,

00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,366

we would've never cleaned up

the department.

00:20:41,491 --> 00:20:43,910

All right, detectives.

Let's get one thing straight.

00:20:44,035 --> 00:20:45,995

I do not agree

with your methods.

00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:48,456

You're uncontrolled

and you're negligent!

00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:50,750

But, by God,

you get the job done.

00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:52,168

Congratulations.

00:20:52,293 --> 00:20:53,378

Thanks.

00:20:53,503 --> 00:20:55,546

I'm probably gonna regret this,

but, well,

00:20:55,672 --> 00:20:57,674

I'm promoting you

to full detectives.

00:20:57,799 --> 00:20:58,967

There'll be lots more action

00:20:59,092 --> 00:21:01,177

and that big paycheck

you've always wanted.

00:21:03,263 --> 00:21:05,723

I think I have a better idea.

00:21:06,474 --> 00:21:08,685

Hello, sir. Welcome to

the Broflovski Laundromat.

00:21:08,810 --> 00:21:11,271

Yes. I have a suit I need

dry-cleaned and pressed, please.

00:21:11,396 --> 00:21:12,522

Certainly.

00:21:12,647 --> 00:21:13,731

Here you are, Mr. McCormick.

00:21:13,856 --> 00:21:15,233

Your laundry is all done

and folded.

00:21:15,358 --> 00:21:16,901

That will be $9.95.

00:21:17,026 --> 00:21:18,069

On your American Express.

00:21:18,194 --> 00:21:20,363

Fellas! Hey, fellas!

I got it!

00:21:20,488 --> 00:21:22,407

- I-I got my semen sample!

- You did?

00:21:22,532 --> 00:21:25,076

Yeah. I was up there pounding

my wiener for two days straight.

00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:27,495

A-And finally I thought about

Stan's mom's boobs,

00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:30,290

and this little tiny spooge

of this white stuff came out.

00:21:30,415 --> 00:21:32,250

That's great, but we're not

playing detective anymore.

00:21:32,375 --> 00:21:33,376

We're playing laundromat owners.

00:21:33,501 --> 00:21:35,253

Would you like those

pants cleaned for $4.95?

00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:13,806

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:15,599

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:18,602

♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,604

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:20,730 --> 00:00:22,023

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

00:00:22,148 --> 00:00:25,401

♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:28,529

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

00:00:28,654 --> 00:00:33,159

♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:37,329

[ Knock on door ]

00:00:37,913 --> 00:00:39,498

Yes?

Oh, hello, boys.

00:00:39,623 --> 00:00:41,000

Hello, sir.

South Park Junior Detectives.

00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:42,501

We were wondering

if you have any crimes

00:00:42,626 --> 00:00:43,669

you need solved for a dollar.

00:00:43,794 --> 00:00:45,087

Ooh, little crime stoppers,

huh?

00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:46,797

Well, I'm afraid I don't have

any crimes

00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:48,340

I need solved right now.

00:00:48,466 --> 00:00:49,216

Aw, shit.

00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:51,510

All right, sir. Well, please

call us if you need anything.

00:00:51,635 --> 00:00:53,512

I'll do that.

Have fun, boys.

00:00:53,637 --> 00:00:54,722

Stupid assholes.

00:00:54,847 --> 00:00:56,307

How come nobody has a crime

to solve?

00:00:56,432 --> 00:00:58,809

Maybe starting a detective club

isn't such a great idea.

00:00:58,934 --> 00:01:00,644

It's a great idea. We just have

to keep working at it.

00:01:02,271 --> 00:01:03,314

[ Knock on door ]

00:01:03,898 --> 00:01:05,775

Oh, hello there, boys!

00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:07,485

Hello, ma'am. We're detectives

with the South Park Crime Unit.

00:01:07,610 --> 00:01:09,320

Do you have any crimes

you need solved for a dollar?

00:01:09,445 --> 00:01:11,155

Ooh.

Neighborhood detectives, huh?

00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:12,865

Well, let me th--

Ooh, yes!

00:01:12,990 --> 00:01:14,867

There is something!

- Really?

00:01:14,992 --> 00:01:17,787

Yes -- two days ago, I put

a fresh-baked cherry pie

00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:19,622

out on my windowsill to cool.

00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:22,333

And later, when I went

to get it, it was gone.

00:01:22,458 --> 00:01:23,501

My God.

00:01:23,626 --> 00:01:25,419

Have you reported this

to any other authorities?

00:01:25,544 --> 00:01:28,380

No, but I think it's

a perfect case for you kids.

00:01:28,506 --> 00:01:30,049

Cool! We'll see what

we can find, ma'am!

00:01:30,174 --> 00:01:32,009

We're on the case.

00:01:32,134 --> 00:01:34,053

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

- What have you got, Marsh?

00:01:34,178 --> 00:01:36,097

Detective McCormick found

something interesting.

00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:40,184

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:01:40,309 --> 00:01:42,186

Jesus.

We're too late.

00:01:42,311 --> 00:01:44,688

I think we can piece

this case together now.

00:01:44,814 --> 00:01:46,357

[ Theme music playing ]

00:01:46,482 --> 00:01:47,775

Seen for the first time

on HBC...

00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:51,153

My pie tin! Ooh, but what

happened to the pie?

00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:52,446

Well, we've all

talked it through,

00:01:52,571 --> 00:01:53,864

and we've come up with a theory.

00:01:53,989 --> 00:01:55,991

What do you think happened,

little detectives?

00:01:56,117 --> 00:01:57,618

You said you set the pie

on the windowsill,

00:01:57,743 --> 00:02:00,162

where it must have sat

for some time.

00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:04,083

But its sweet smell attracted

the attention of somebody.

00:02:04,208 --> 00:02:05,501

Your husband!

00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:06,961

He wanted that pie badly,

00:02:07,086 --> 00:02:09,338

but he knew that he was

not allowed to eat it yet.

00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,340

Slowly, the rage built

inside his mind.

00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,175

"Why won't she let me eat

that pie?

00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:15,302

Why does she always stop me

from doing what I want to do?"

00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:18,389

His only solution became

obvious -- kill her.

00:02:18,514 --> 00:02:19,807

His plan was to use a hammer.

00:02:19,932 --> 00:02:22,309

Bash, bash, bash your

skull in, causing instant death.

00:02:22,434 --> 00:02:24,311

To make it impossible

for police to identify the body,

00:02:24,436 --> 00:02:25,980

he would use a shovel

to remove your head...

00:02:26,105 --> 00:02:28,399

Then saw off the arms and legs.

00:02:28,524 --> 00:02:31,152

The torso,

he would dump into the lake.

00:02:31,277 --> 00:02:32,695

The arms and legs,

he would dissolve

00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:33,946

with acid and lye

in the bathtub.

00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:36,365

And then, finally,

he'd be able to eat that pie.

00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:38,617

But before he could

go through with his entire plan,

00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:40,828

he discovered that the pie

had already been eaten --

00:02:40,953 --> 00:02:42,538

by your dog.

00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:45,124

Looks like the game is over,

old man!

00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:47,084

Oh my God!

00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:49,712

What kind of television

have you kids been watching?

00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:51,172

Just the news.

00:02:51,297 --> 00:02:54,466

All right, all right.

You -- You boys run along now!

00:02:54,592 --> 00:02:56,427

Hey, you owe us a dollar, lady!

00:02:56,552 --> 00:02:57,928

Fine! Here!

Just go!

00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:01,098

Wow! Look, you guys!

Our first dollar!

00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:02,850

We're in business.

00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:09,857

Kenny, you got the F.A.G.

on that perp in Washington?

00:03:09,982 --> 00:03:12,109

Boys, you have a little visitor.

00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:15,070

Is this

the South Park Crime Unit?

00:03:15,196 --> 00:03:16,363

[ Gasps ]

- Oh!

00:03:16,488 --> 00:03:17,531

Yes, it is!

00:03:17,656 --> 00:03:19,491

I lost my dolly.

00:03:19,617 --> 00:03:21,744

Thank you, Miss secretary.

That will be all.

00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:23,412

And get us some more cookies

and coffee!

00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,080

We're not paying you

to sit on your ass!

00:03:25,206 --> 00:03:26,707

Do you know

where your doll is?

00:03:26,832 --> 00:03:29,835

If I knew where it was,

it wouldn't be lost.

00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,587

All right, Sarah.

Come over here.

00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,422

I want you to describe

what the doll looks like

00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,090

to our sketch artist, Kenny.

00:03:35,216 --> 00:03:38,302

She has curly blond hair...

00:03:38,427 --> 00:03:40,387

and a red dress...

00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:42,973

and a turned-up nose.

00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:45,309

And a blue bow in her hair.

00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:48,520

You got it, Ken?

00:03:48,646 --> 00:03:49,730

All right.

Let's see.

00:03:50,481 --> 00:03:52,274

Damn it, Kenny!

That's not what she said!

00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:53,651

Put that away, dude.

00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:56,445

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:59,073

Don't worry, ma'am.

We'll find your doll.

00:03:59,198 --> 00:04:00,783

[ Birds chirping ]

00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:03,619

No sign of forced entry.

00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:05,204

But the window isn't locked.

00:04:05,329 --> 00:04:07,998

Right, so it's possible

the thief sat out in that tree.

00:04:08,123 --> 00:04:09,750

He would have watched Sarah

with her doll,

00:04:09,875 --> 00:04:12,253

possibly while cutting the palms

of his hand with a large knife.

00:04:12,378 --> 00:04:13,671

The pain gave him sick pleasure.

00:04:13,796 --> 00:04:15,422

Disposing of the doll

wouldn't be easy.

00:04:15,547 --> 00:04:17,549

He would've brought a shovel

to decapitate it.

00:04:17,675 --> 00:04:18,968

We're going to need

semen samples

00:04:19,093 --> 00:04:20,261

from everything in this room.

00:04:20,386 --> 00:04:22,221

All right.

Let's do this by the books.

00:04:22,346 --> 00:04:24,556

O'Donnell, get me smears of all

the places the doll used to be.

00:04:24,682 --> 00:04:26,600

Mitchell, run a tap

on the phone.

00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:28,227

Hey, kid, what are you doing?

00:04:28,352 --> 00:04:30,646

Agent Tucker, FBI.

And you?

00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:31,647

Detective Marsh.

00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,524

I'm in charge

of this investigation.

00:04:33,649 --> 00:04:35,025

Not anymore you're not.

00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:37,152

Hey, this is our case.

You can't come in and take over.

00:04:37,278 --> 00:04:38,112

Can't we?

00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:40,656

You guys are playing detectives.

We're playing FBI.

00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,366

That gives us jurisdiction

over you.

00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:43,617

Aw, crap!

00:04:43,742 --> 00:04:45,286

I want choppers on the roof

ready to go.

00:04:45,411 --> 00:04:47,413

Dude, we've been working

this case since 2:30.

00:04:47,538 --> 00:04:50,499

Good. Then you can help us by

telling me everything you know.

00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:53,168

Son of a bitch.

Stupid FBI.

00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:55,462

Well, I guess we can go back

to playing laundromat.

00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:57,298

No, we're not gonna stop

playing detectives.

00:04:57,423 --> 00:04:59,842

We've just got to find that doll

before those FBI guys do.

00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:01,593

Mrph.

- Yeah, but how?

00:05:01,719 --> 00:05:02,886

We're gonna have to start

bringing in people

00:05:03,012 --> 00:05:04,054

for questioning.

- Right.

00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:06,515

And I think I know

exactly where to start.

00:05:08,851 --> 00:05:10,519

Where were you this morning

at 9:00, Butters?

00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:11,562

I was at home.

00:05:11,687 --> 00:05:13,314

Your story is full of holes,

and I'm gonna beat your ass

00:05:13,439 --> 00:05:14,565

if you don't start telling

the truth.

00:05:14,690 --> 00:05:16,650

Mrph, rmhmhm rm mrph rmh.

00:05:16,775 --> 00:05:18,444

Mrph rmhmhm rm, rmh.

00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:21,030

They've really gotten good

at this good-cop, bad-cop thing.

00:05:21,155 --> 00:05:22,865

You're going down, Butters.

You hear me?!

00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:25,534

Mrph, rmh mrph rm.

Mrph rmhmhm rm.

00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,578

You're a worthless two-dollar

criminal, and you're lying!

00:05:27,703 --> 00:05:29,872

Mrph, rmhmhm rm

mrph rmh.

00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:32,416

I don't have nothing to confess.

Honestly!

00:05:32,541 --> 00:05:33,250

Fine.

00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:35,753

Then you won't mind giving us

a semen sample.

00:05:35,878 --> 00:05:36,962

How do I do that?

00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:38,380

You make the semen

come out of your body

00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:39,423

and put it in this cup!

00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:41,216

How do I make semen

come out of my body?

00:05:41,342 --> 00:05:42,217

Stop playing games!

00:05:42,343 --> 00:05:43,886

I'm not playing.

I really don't know.

00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:45,637

That does it.

Wait right here!

00:05:47,431 --> 00:05:48,974

You guys, did you hear that?

00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:50,059

Butters doesn't know

00:05:50,184 --> 00:05:52,019

how you make semen come out

of your body.

00:05:52,144 --> 00:05:53,771

How do you make semen

come out?

00:05:53,896 --> 00:05:55,647

I don't know.

I was hoping you guys did.

00:05:55,773 --> 00:05:57,024

It's that thing we learned about

in school

00:05:57,149 --> 00:05:58,817

where you pull on your wiener

until white stuff comes out.

00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:00,110

Really?

- Oh, right.

00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:02,112

You're supposed to pull

and master-ber-nate your wiener

00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:04,073

really fast.

- Oh, okay.

00:06:04,198 --> 00:06:05,240

Okay, retard.

00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:07,284

You really don't know

how to make semen come out?

00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:09,370

No.

- Follow me to the bathroom.

00:06:09,495 --> 00:06:12,164

Mrph, rmhmhm rm.

Mrph rmh rmphm.

00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:15,084

Now, go sit on the toilet

00:06:15,209 --> 00:06:17,336

and pull and tug on your wiener

until white stuff comes out.

00:06:17,461 --> 00:06:19,129

Then put it in this cup.

- My wiener?

00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:20,839

Yes, retard,

semen comes from your wiener.

00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:22,883

Now, do it!

00:06:28,097 --> 00:06:28,972

Well, Butters?

00:06:29,098 --> 00:06:31,225

I'm pulling on my wiener,

but nothing's happening.

00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:33,560

Well, pull harder!

00:06:33,685 --> 00:06:35,062

Ow!

00:06:35,187 --> 00:06:37,356

Ow!

00:06:37,481 --> 00:06:38,607

It's not working.

00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:40,275

Try doing it faster.

00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:41,819

Ow. Ow.

00:06:41,944 --> 00:06:44,071

Ow. Ow, ow, ow, ow,

ow, ow, ow, ow.

00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:45,030

No. Nothing.

00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:46,740

Butters, you want to go to jail

for the rest of your life?!

00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:47,366

No!

00:06:47,491 --> 00:06:49,618

Then you better get that sample

no matter how long it takes!

00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:50,994

Okay!

00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:52,454

Cartman! Cartman!

00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:54,665

We just got a tip that a doll

was found near Fosse's house!

00:06:54,790 --> 00:06:56,250

Let's go.

00:06:56,959 --> 00:06:59,044

BUTTERS:

Ow. Ow!

00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:01,380

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:06,218

Huh, okay,

Miss -- Miss Jones, huh.

00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:08,804

Me and Dr. Flick here

just need to check your vagina.

00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:09,805

Huh huh huh.

00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:11,723

Huh. That's gay.

- Yeah, that's gay.

00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:15,394

Kyle.

00:07:15,519 --> 00:07:17,813

[ Music continues ]

00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:29,825

What?

00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:42,963

What?

00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,215

I see two guys inside.

00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:48,552

They have Sarah Peterson's doll,

you stupid Jew!

00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:51,138

[ Gasps ]

They've got the doll.

00:07:53,474 --> 00:07:55,517

Okay. Okay.

Ready?

00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:56,685

Ring the doorbell.

00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,562

[ Doorbell rings ]

00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:02,483

W-W-Who is it?

00:08:02,608 --> 00:08:03,859

South Park Junior Detectives.

00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,611

We know you have

Sarah Peterson's doll.

00:08:05,736 --> 00:08:07,613

Heh.

They're playing detective.

00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:09,156

Huh huh.

That's gay.

00:08:09,281 --> 00:08:10,365

Huh huh.

You're gay!

00:08:10,491 --> 00:08:11,825

What do we do now?

00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:12,993

I don't know.

00:08:13,118 --> 00:08:14,661

If they're not gonna give us

back the doll,

00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:16,413

we have no choice.

00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:18,665

Let's go tell on them.

00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:20,375

Dude, we can't just tell

on them.

00:08:20,501 --> 00:08:21,376

Why not?

00:08:21,502 --> 00:08:22,836

Because, dude,

we're playing detectives.

00:08:22,961 --> 00:08:24,671

Detectives don't just go tell

on people.

00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:26,590

H-Hey, detectives.

00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:28,300

Huh huh, if you

don't get out of here,

00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:29,927

we're gonna rip

the doll's head off.

00:08:30,052 --> 00:08:30,969

Huh huh huh.

00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:32,095

Huh huh. Yeah.

00:08:32,221 --> 00:08:34,640

We were playing gynecologist,

and now we're playing criminals.

00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:36,558

Huh huh. Yeah.

That's gay.

00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,060

Huh huh.

We're gay.

00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:40,145

Jesus. They're gonna kill her.

- We've got to do something.

00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:41,313

Time.

Time is what we need.

00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:42,773

But time is something

we ain't got!

00:08:42,898 --> 00:08:44,775

Attention!

You in the house!

00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:46,276

This is Agent Tucker

with the FBI.

00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:48,070

We have you surrounded --

sort of.

00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:50,614

Hey, you buttholes

can't play FBI here.

00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:52,324

Yeah.

This was our hot lead.

00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:54,326

And you did a great job

leading us here.

00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:56,078

Now you just stay out

of our way.

00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,371

The gig is up, Fosse.

00:08:57,496 --> 00:08:59,540

Bring out the doll

or we'll tell on you.

00:08:59,665 --> 00:09:01,375

We're going to charge

the front door and go get it.

00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:02,376

No, you're not.

00:09:02,501 --> 00:09:04,127

Damn it, man, this is not

the time for negotiations!

00:09:04,253 --> 00:09:06,380

There's a little doll about to

have her head twisted off!

00:09:06,505 --> 00:09:07,381

Climb off, kid.

00:09:07,506 --> 00:09:08,799

We say you can't charge

the front door,

00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:10,217

and you have to obey

what the FBI says.

00:09:10,342 --> 00:09:11,218

That's the rules.

00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:13,136

Just because your parents

can afford better toys than ours

00:09:13,262 --> 00:09:14,513

doesn't make you better than us.

00:09:14,638 --> 00:09:17,474

Yes, it does so.

00:09:18,517 --> 00:09:19,851

[ Growls ]

00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:22,729

Mrph rmh rmphm?

00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:24,106

We go get the doll ourselves.

00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:26,108

But they said we can't charge

the front door.

00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:28,193

That's right.

[ Imitates gun cocking ]

00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:31,113

But they didn't say anything

about going in the back.

00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:32,114

TUCKER:

Come on, guys.

00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:33,865

You don't want to hurt

that doll.

00:09:33,991 --> 00:09:35,742

Huh huh. Oh, crap.

They're coming in the back.

00:09:35,867 --> 00:09:37,411

[ Imitating gunfire ]

00:09:37,536 --> 00:09:39,079

Mrph. Mrph.

00:09:39,204 --> 00:09:40,038

[ Imitating gunfire ]

00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:41,164

[ Imitates gunfire ]

Huh huh.

00:09:41,290 --> 00:09:42,416

[ Imitates gunfire ]

00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:44,084

Huh huh.

That's gay.

00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:46,295

Bang! Bang! Bang!

I got you, Fosse.

00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:48,005

Huh. No, you didn't.

- Did so!

00:09:48,130 --> 00:09:50,757

No, 'cause I got

special wizard armor on.

00:09:50,882 --> 00:09:52,551

We're not playing

Dungeons and Dragons, ass face!

00:09:52,676 --> 00:09:53,677

All right. That does it.

00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:56,096

Cover me.

I'm going slo-mo.

00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:58,807

[ Imitating slow-motion

gunfire ]

00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,809

[ Rock music playing ]

00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,269

Oh. He got me.

00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:03,937

Bleah. Huh.

00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:05,814

Bleah. Bleah.

00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:06,898

Huh huh.

Yeah.

00:10:07,024 --> 00:10:09,943

Ohh, ugh.

Ohh, ugh.

00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:11,445

Huh huh.

We're dead.

00:10:11,570 --> 00:10:13,280

Huh huh.

That's gay.

00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:15,907

We got it.

00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:22,456

[ Knock on door ]

00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:25,042

Ms. Peterson,

is your daughter home?

00:10:26,168 --> 00:10:27,294

My dolly!

00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:31,048

We got her back safe. We lost a

lot of good men in the process.

00:10:31,173 --> 00:10:32,841

Well, you boys are

little heroes.

00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,426

I'm gonna call

the police department

00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:36,803

and let them know what brave

little detectives you are.

00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:38,597

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,602

Hello, there,

little crime stoppers.

00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:46,188

I'm Lieutenant Dawson

with the Park County police.

00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:47,564

I heard you did a great job

00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:49,900

finding little Sarah Peterson's

doll.

00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:51,234

We do what we can, sir.

00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,445

Well, that's fantastic, kids.

00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:55,656

And for all your

terrific sleuth-solving,

00:10:55,781 --> 00:10:58,992

I'm hereby making you all

Junior Detectives.

00:10:59,117 --> 00:11:01,662

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

00:11:01,787 --> 00:11:02,621

Wow.

00:11:02,746 --> 00:11:03,872

Awesome.

- Sweet.

00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:06,833

That means you boys are now an

official part of the department.

00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:07,709

Cool!

00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:09,795

All right. So, ready

for your first assignment?

00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:11,296

Sure.

- Okay.

00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:14,049

There's a meth lab

down at 567 Mala Vista.

00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:15,676

The operators are probably armed

to the hilt

00:11:15,801 --> 00:11:16,802

with illegal weapons.

00:11:16,927 --> 00:11:19,262

I want you to get down there

and see what you can find.

00:11:19,388 --> 00:11:20,806

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:11:20,931 --> 00:11:22,974

Uh...a-a meth lab?

00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:25,352

I don't want any problems.

Just take 'em down by the books.

00:11:25,477 --> 00:11:26,353

Now, get over there.

00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:28,230

The mayor's all over my ass

on this one.

00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:32,442

Oh, and, deputies,

you screw this up,

00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:34,945

and I'll have you working

graveyard shift behind a desk.

00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:36,321

Move it!

00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,032

[ Insects chirping ]

00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:40,992

What is a meth lab, anyway?

00:11:41,118 --> 00:11:42,202

I don't know.

Let's just hurry up.

00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:44,246

I want to get home in time

to watch Crime Drama.

00:11:45,163 --> 00:11:47,499

[ Rock music playing ]

00:11:52,129 --> 00:11:54,464

[ Knock on door ]

00:11:54,589 --> 00:11:56,800

[ Guns cocking ]

00:11:56,925 --> 00:11:59,761

Uh, police.

Open up.

00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:01,763

Oh, crap. Did you guys do

your math homework?

00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:03,265

Oh, dude.

I totally spaced it.

00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:04,516

[ Gunfire ]

00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:06,143

You die, pigs!

00:12:06,268 --> 00:12:07,853

[ Gunfire, glass breaking ]

00:12:07,978 --> 00:12:09,730

You want to die, huh?!

00:12:10,939 --> 00:12:13,483

[ Screaming ]

00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:16,194

[ Music continues ]

00:12:16,319 --> 00:12:18,196

[ Tires screech ]

00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:20,407

You won't take us alive!

00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:25,162

[ Horn blaring ]

00:12:26,580 --> 00:12:29,166

[ Screaming ]

00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,877

So long, coppers.

00:12:32,002 --> 00:12:33,879

[ Engine sputtering ]

- Oh, shit!

00:12:34,004 --> 00:12:36,214

[ Screaming ]

00:12:39,551 --> 00:12:42,053

[ Siren wailing in distance ]

Damn.

00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:46,057

One UPS vehicle

valued at $25,000,

00:12:46,183 --> 00:12:48,310

one civilian vehicle

worth $16,000,

00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:49,853

the second floor

of the post office,

00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:52,606

and a coffee shop

valued at $60,000.

00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:54,858

The mayor's gonna have my ass!

00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:57,068

Uh, sir, we just got

kind of blindsided by the --

00:12:57,194 --> 00:12:58,278

You got careless!

00:12:58,403 --> 00:12:59,988

Now, I don't know

how they do things

00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:02,657

down at that dog-and-pony show

they call the fourth grade,

00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:03,992

but here we have rules.

00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:06,161

Jesus, we don't even have guys

to question now

00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:07,537

because you killed them all!

00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:08,789

We're sorry.

00:13:08,914 --> 00:13:11,082

One more slipup like that,

and I'll have your badges.

00:13:11,208 --> 00:13:13,835

You hear me?

Now, hit the showers.

00:13:14,795 --> 00:13:17,881

Well, well, well.

If it isn't the super cops.

00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:19,382

[ Men snickering ]

00:13:19,508 --> 00:13:22,219

Hey, Murphy, think they'll

let me borrow their G.I. Joes?

00:13:22,344 --> 00:13:23,720

[ Laughter ]

00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:25,347

Come on, you guys.

Leave 'em alone.

00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:28,350

Relax, Hopkins.

All fun and games, right?

00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:29,851

So, tell us, rookies,

00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:32,854

you, uh, find yourself

a little bonus in that house?

00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:33,939

A bonus?

00:13:34,064 --> 00:13:36,483

Come on. We all skim a little

off the top.

00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:39,861

Oh.

Or are you too good for that?

00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,321

You think you're

gonna waltz in here

00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:42,781

and clean up the system,

is that it?

00:13:42,906 --> 00:13:44,866

We just want to be

Junior Detectives.

00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:46,117

Look, we all work hard.

00:13:46,243 --> 00:13:48,662

And we deserve more than

the $30,000 a year we get paid.

00:13:48,787 --> 00:13:50,705

So what if we take in

a little on the side?

00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:52,707

Yeah. Who the hell are you

to change that?

00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:54,334

I said back off, Murphy.

00:13:54,459 --> 00:13:56,253

Why don't you and your

rookie friends make us?

00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:57,712

That's right! Come on!

- Yeah, that's right.

00:13:57,838 --> 00:13:59,130

Bring it!

- Let's go. Come on! Bring it!

00:13:59,256 --> 00:14:00,799

What the hell

is the problem here?!

00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:02,217

No problem, sir.

00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,010

No problem at all.

00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:07,097

Then hit the showers,

all of you.

00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:10,851

[ Farts ]

00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:13,979

Dude, I don't want to

play detective anymore.

00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:15,897

Me neither.

- It'll get better, you guys.

00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:17,274

Better how, dude?

00:14:17,399 --> 00:14:19,943

Look, we wanted to form a club

to protect and serve South Park.

00:14:20,068 --> 00:14:21,152

We put all this time into it.

00:14:21,278 --> 00:14:22,654

What do you guys want to do,

huh?

00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:24,906

Go back to playing car mechanics

or laundromat owners?

00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:26,616

We were happy playing

laundromat owners.

00:14:26,741 --> 00:14:27,534

I wasn't.

00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:28,577

We started playing detective

00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:30,287

because we wanted our playtime

to mean something.

00:14:30,412 --> 00:14:31,955

Or have you forgotten

why you joined the force?

00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:33,748

Hey, Broflovski's a good cop.

00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:36,001

You guys can go back to playing

laundromat owners if you want,

00:14:36,126 --> 00:14:37,919

but I'm not gonna give

those kids playing the FBI

00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:39,337

a chance to laugh at us.

00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:41,673

I'll see you guys at school

tomorrow.

00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:49,598

[ Groans ]

00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:52,183

Eric, where have you been?

It's 10:30.

00:14:52,309 --> 00:14:54,144

We had to take down a meth lab

on Mala Vista.

00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:55,645

Well, you should have

called Mommy.

00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:56,855

Will you get off my back?!

00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:58,189

It's hard enough

I got to work the beat.

00:14:58,315 --> 00:15:00,275

Then I got to come home

to your nagging?

00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,152

[ Sighs ]

Look. Look. I-I'm sorry.

00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:04,779

It's just this case and

the guys down at the station --

00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:06,823

I'm tired, all right?

I'm tired.

00:15:06,948 --> 00:15:09,242

Well, why don't you get ready

for snoogums' night-night,

00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:12,078

and I'll bring you some

toasty chocolate nummers?

00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:13,830

Okay.

00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:19,002

BUTTERS:

Oh! Ow.

00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:20,670

- Butters?

- Yes?

00:15:20,795 --> 00:15:22,756

Are you still trying to give

a semen sample?

00:15:22,881 --> 00:15:25,258

I'm trying,

but nothing's coming out.

00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:27,218

Well, keep trying, Butters.

00:15:27,344 --> 00:15:28,762

Okay.

00:15:28,887 --> 00:15:31,306

Ow.

Ow!

00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:35,101

And so you can see, children,

00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:37,479

that the women's movement

of the late '50s and early '60s

00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:41,024

had a profound effect on

feminism in America -- Uh, boys?

00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:44,736

Would it trouble you terribly

not to sleep in my class?!

00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:46,738

Oh, we weren't sleeping,

Mr. Garrison.

00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:48,740

Oh, well, then maybe you can

tell me who was in charge

00:15:48,865 --> 00:15:50,992

of the feminist movement

of the early '60s.

00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:53,745

A bunch of fat old skanks

on their periods?

00:15:54,329 --> 00:15:57,707

Right, but who was the fattest,

oldest skank on her period?

00:15:59,501 --> 00:16:01,962

That's what I thought.

Now, pay attention!

00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:03,922

Okay, children,

now the biggest skank of all

00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:05,423

was an old fat ass

by the name of --

00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:07,467

Marsh! Broflovski!

McCormick! Cartman!

00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:09,844

In my office!

00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:11,221

[All groan ]

00:16:12,389 --> 00:16:14,307

Looks like that meth lab

you took down

00:16:14,432 --> 00:16:15,850

was just the tip of the iceberg.

00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:17,477

They found a paper trail

leading all the way

00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:19,938

to the biggest crime syndicate

in Colorado.

00:16:20,063 --> 00:16:20,772

Uh-oh.

00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:22,440

The operators apparently

run their business

00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:24,526

out of a sleazy strip joint

down in Englewood.

00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:28,238

They're all cop killers, so I'm

sending you in undercover.

00:16:28,363 --> 00:16:30,782

Uh, sir, I have a lot

of homework to do tonight,

00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:32,033

and I was --

- What?!

00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:32,993

Now, you listen to me.

00:16:33,118 --> 00:16:34,577

I'm giving you one last chance.

00:16:34,703 --> 00:16:37,205

You're good cops, but you let

your emotions get in the way.

00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:40,542

And your little shoot-first,

ask-questions-later technique

00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,043

has no place in this century!

00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:44,129

Now, you get down

to that strip joint,

00:16:44,254 --> 00:16:46,297

and you do it by the books,

you got it?!

00:16:46,423 --> 00:16:49,009

The mayor is -- my ass --

Blah blah blah!

00:16:49,134 --> 00:16:52,470

[ Indistinct conversations,

telephone ringing ]

00:16:53,430 --> 00:16:56,641

So, what did you boys

have to say to the lieutenant?

00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:58,601

Nothing. He just told us

a bunch of stuff.

00:16:58,727 --> 00:17:01,104

Maybe you decided you needed to

tell him about our...

00:17:01,229 --> 00:17:02,188

bonus money.

00:17:02,313 --> 00:17:03,523

No.

00:17:05,150 --> 00:17:06,693

They're lying.

00:17:06,818 --> 00:17:08,653

They're dead.

00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:12,198

[ Rock music playing ]

00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:20,331

Dude, if my mom

knew I was in here,

00:17:20,457 --> 00:17:22,709

I would be in super-big trouble.

00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:25,295

Mrph rmh!

00:17:25,420 --> 00:17:27,255

[ Music continues ]

00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:29,966

[ Deep voice ]

Would you like a dance?

00:17:30,091 --> 00:17:30,884

No, thanks.

00:17:31,009 --> 00:17:33,595

Dance?

Anyone like a dance?

00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,180

All right, guys.

put your hands together.

00:17:35,305 --> 00:17:36,264

Be sure to tip the dancers.

00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,516

All right.

Now let's hear it for Candy.

00:17:38,641 --> 00:17:41,019

Whoa. Whoa. What the hell

are you kids doing in here?

00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:43,438

This isn't an appropriate place

for children.

00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:44,814

Dance?

00:17:44,939 --> 00:17:46,775

Anyone like a dance?

00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:48,735

Uh, it's okay.

We know the owner.

00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:50,779

Oh, really?

Let's go see.

00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:53,990

We'll have to start having the

McCormicks make our meth again.

00:17:54,115 --> 00:17:56,201

Hey, Gino, these kids

say they know you.

00:17:56,326 --> 00:17:58,453

What?

I don't know no kids.

00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,955

I didn't think so.

All right, you kids.

00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:01,956

Hey, wait a minute.

00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:03,458

These kids might be

just what we need

00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:05,627

to get our drugs past

the security at D.I.A.

00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,629

how would you like to join

our family?

00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:10,548

Yo, Gino, I know I seen

these kids before, man.

00:18:10,673 --> 00:18:12,550

These kids are five-o.

- What?

00:18:12,675 --> 00:18:14,177

These kids are cops, man!

00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:15,845

[ Gunfire ]

00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:17,472

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,142

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

- Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:24,395

Mrph rmh.

Mrph rmh.

00:18:24,521 --> 00:18:26,356

Kenny, it doesn't go

"peekew-peekew."

00:18:26,481 --> 00:18:27,982

It goes "Bang! Bang! Bang!"

00:18:28,108 --> 00:18:30,819

[ Sirens wailing ]

00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:32,821

[ Rock music playing ]

00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:34,280

God damn it!

00:18:34,405 --> 00:18:37,617

Those Junior Detectives and

their heroically reckless ways.

00:18:37,742 --> 00:18:39,661

Murphy, Jenkins, Hopkins,

get in there!

00:18:41,162 --> 00:18:43,289

[ Gunfire, crowd screaming ]

00:18:43,414 --> 00:18:45,166

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

Bang! Bang!

00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:50,797

Da-a-a-nce?!

Anybody like a da-a-a-a-nce?

00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:53,299

Freeze!

South Park detectives!

00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:57,470

Great job, boys.

You found the meth boss.

00:18:58,054 --> 00:19:00,723

Detective Murphy. Jenkins.

What the hell are you doing?

00:19:00,849 --> 00:19:02,308

We had a deal!

00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:04,060

A deal?

00:19:04,185 --> 00:19:06,688

That's right. We're partners

in the drug business.

00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:09,816

Everything was fine until these

super cops joined the force.

00:19:11,025 --> 00:19:12,485

Now we got to kill you all.

00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:13,486

Boys! Down!

00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:16,156

[ Gunfire ]

00:19:16,281 --> 00:19:18,158

[ Rock music playing ]

00:19:19,784 --> 00:19:20,994

All right, guys.

Put your hands together.

00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:22,245

Lot of shootin'

and killin' going on.

00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:23,413

But be sure to tip

your waitress.

00:19:23,538 --> 00:19:25,665

Let's hear it for Rebecca.

00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:26,875

[ Music continues ]

00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:30,879

Christ! Those Junior Detectives

have no regard for the law.

00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:32,755

[ Tires screeching,

indistinct shouting ]

00:19:32,881 --> 00:19:35,592

Get me a hard line to the phone.

And I want choppers on the roof!

00:19:35,717 --> 00:19:37,093

Who the hell are you?

00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:38,803

Agent Fields, FBI.

00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:40,889

Hey, I'm in charge

of this investigation.

00:19:41,014 --> 00:19:42,891

Not anymore you're not.

00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:45,059

But that's not fair!

00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:47,187

Is so!

Is so!

00:19:47,312 --> 00:19:48,938

[ Gunfire ]

00:19:49,063 --> 00:19:50,815

[ Music continues ]

00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:52,942

Aah!

00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:54,777

Sorry, Detective Hopkins.

00:19:54,903 --> 00:19:57,780

We can't let anybody know

about our partnership.

00:19:57,906 --> 00:20:00,742

That's right.

We split it all, 50-50!

00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:02,702

That's right.

00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:06,748

I think we'll take 100% now.

00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:07,874

Huh huh. Yeah.

00:20:07,999 --> 00:20:09,751

Sorry, Gino,

but in business like this,

00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:11,878

sometimes partnerships

need to end.

00:20:12,003 --> 00:20:14,589

That's right.

00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,966

Sometimes partnerships

need to end.

00:20:18,218 --> 00:20:19,177

Well, super cops,

00:20:19,302 --> 00:20:22,096

looks like I'll be taking in

all the money now.

00:20:22,222 --> 00:20:23,514

I'm in business alone.

00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:27,060

And that means that the only

person that I can't trust...

00:20:27,185 --> 00:20:28,645

is myself.

00:20:28,770 --> 00:20:29,938

[ Groans ]

00:20:32,357 --> 00:20:35,485

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:20:35,610 --> 00:20:38,279

Looks like Murphy and Jenkins

got what they deserved.

00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:39,447

If it weren't for you boys,

00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,366

we would've never cleaned up

the department.

00:20:41,491 --> 00:20:43,910

All right, detectives.

Let's get one thing straight.

00:20:44,035 --> 00:20:45,995

I do not agree

with your methods.

00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:48,456

You're uncontrolled

and you're negligent!

00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:50,750

But, by God,

you get the job done.

00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:52,168

Congratulations.

00:20:52,293 --> 00:20:53,378

Thanks.

00:20:53,503 --> 00:20:55,546

I'm probably gonna regret this,

but, well,

00:20:55,672 --> 00:20:57,674

I'm promoting you

to full detectives.

00:20:57,799 --> 00:20:58,967

There'll be lots more action

00:20:59,092 --> 00:21:01,177

and that big paycheck

you've always wanted.

00:21:03,263 --> 00:21:05,723

I think I have a better idea.

00:21:06,474 --> 00:21:08,685

Hello, sir. Welcome to

the Broflovski Laundromat.

00:21:08,810 --> 00:21:11,271

Yes. I have a suit I need

dry-cleaned and pressed, please.

00:21:11,396 --> 00:21:12,522

Certainly.

00:21:12,647 --> 00:21:13,731

Here you are, Mr. McCormick.

00:21:13,856 --> 00:21:15,233

Your laundry is all done

and folded.

00:21:15,358 --> 00:21:16,901

That will be $9.95.

00:21:17,026 --> 00:21:18,069

On your American Express.

00:21:18,194 --> 00:21:20,363

Fellas! Hey, fellas!

I got it!

00:21:20,488 --> 00:21:22,407

- I-I got my semen sample!

- You did?

00:21:22,532 --> 00:21:25,076

Yeah. I was up there pounding

my wiener for two days straight.

00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:27,495

A-And finally I thought about

Stan's mom's boobs,

00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:30,290

and this little tiny spooge

of this white stuff came out.

00:21:30,415 --> 00:21:32,250

That's great, but we're not

playing detective anymore.

00:21:32,375 --> 00:21:33,376

We're playing laundromat owners.

00:21:33,501 --> 00:21:35,253

Would you like those

pants cleaned for $4.95?