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Маленькие борцы с преступностью
Lil' Crime Stoppers
Сезон: 07Серия: 06
Описание
Друзья играют в полицейских. После успешного раскрытия дела о похищенной кукле их назначают младшими детективами полиции Южного Парка и поручают самые серьёзные дела.
Субтитры
- 00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:11,929 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:13,806 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:15,599 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:18,602 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,604 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:00:20,730 --> 00:00:22,023 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
- 00:00:22,148 --> 00:00:25,401 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:28,529 Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
- 00:00:28,654 --> 00:00:33,159 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:00:37,913 --> 00:00:39,498 Yes? Oh, hello, boys.
- 00:00:39,623 --> 00:00:41,000 Hello, sir. South Park Junior Detectives.
- 00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:42,501 We were wondering if you have any crimes
- 00:00:42,626 --> 00:00:43,669 you need solved for a dollar.
- 00:00:43,794 --> 00:00:45,087 Ooh, little crime stoppers, huh?
- 00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:46,797 Well, I'm afraid I don't have any crimes
- 00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:48,340 I need solved right now.
- 00:00:48,466 --> 00:00:49,216 Aw, shit.
- 00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:51,510 All right, sir. Well, please call us if you need anything.
- 00:00:51,635 --> 00:00:53,512 I'll do that. Have fun, boys.
- 00:00:53,637 --> 00:00:54,722 Stupid assholes.
- 00:00:54,847 --> 00:00:56,307 How come nobody has a crime to solve?
- 00:00:56,432 --> 00:00:58,809 Maybe starting a detective club isn't such a great idea.
- 00:00:58,934 --> 00:01:00,644 It's a great idea. We just have to keep working at it.
- 00:01:03,898 --> 00:01:05,775 Oh, hello there, boys!
- 00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:07,485 Hello, ma'am. We're detectives with the South Park Crime Unit.
- 00:01:07,610 --> 00:01:09,320 Do you have any crimes you need solved for a dollar?
- 00:01:09,445 --> 00:01:11,155 Ooh. Neighborhood detectives, huh?
- 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:12,865 Well, let me th-- Ooh, yes!
- 00:01:12,990 --> 00:01:14,867 There is something! - Really?
- 00:01:14,992 --> 00:01:17,787 Yes -- two days ago, I put a fresh-baked cherry pie
- 00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:19,622 out on my windowsill to cool.
- 00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:22,333 And later, when I went to get it, it was gone.
- 00:01:22,458 --> 00:01:23,501 My God.
- 00:01:23,626 --> 00:01:25,419 Have you reported this to any other authorities?
- 00:01:25,544 --> 00:01:28,380 No, but I think it's a perfect case for you kids.
- 00:01:28,506 --> 00:01:30,049 Cool! We'll see what we can find, ma'am!
- 00:01:30,174 --> 00:01:32,009 We're on the case.
- 00:01:32,134 --> 00:01:34,053 What have you got, Marsh?
- 00:01:34,178 --> 00:01:36,097 Detective McCormick found something interesting.
- 00:01:40,309 --> 00:01:42,186 Jesus. We're too late.
- 00:01:42,311 --> 00:01:44,688 I think we can piece this case together now.
- 00:01:46,482 --> 00:01:47,775 Seen for the first time on HBC...
- 00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:51,153 My pie tin! Ooh, but what happened to the pie?
- 00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:52,446 Well, we've all talked it through,
- 00:01:52,571 --> 00:01:53,864 and we've come up with a theory.
- 00:01:53,989 --> 00:01:55,991 What do you think happened, little detectives?
- 00:01:56,117 --> 00:01:57,618 You said you set the pie on the windowsill,
- 00:01:57,743 --> 00:02:00,162 where it must have sat for some time.
- 00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:04,083 But its sweet smell attracted the attention of somebody.
- 00:02:04,208 --> 00:02:05,501 Your husband!
- 00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:06,961 He wanted that pie badly,
- 00:02:07,086 --> 00:02:09,338 but he knew that he was not allowed to eat it yet.
- 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,340 Slowly, the rage built inside his mind.
- 00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,175 "Why won't she let me eat that pie?
- 00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:15,302 Why does she always stop me from doing what I want to do?"
- 00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:18,389 His only solution became obvious -- kill her.
- 00:02:18,514 --> 00:02:19,807 His plan was to use a hammer.
- 00:02:19,932 --> 00:02:22,309 Bash, bash, bash your skull in, causing instant death.
- 00:02:22,434 --> 00:02:24,311 To make it impossible for police to identify the body,
- 00:02:24,436 --> 00:02:25,980 he would use a shovel to remove your head...
- 00:02:26,105 --> 00:02:28,399 Then saw off the arms and legs.
- 00:02:28,524 --> 00:02:31,152 The torso, he would dump into the lake.
- 00:02:31,277 --> 00:02:32,695 The arms and legs, he would dissolve
- 00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:33,946 with acid and lye in the bathtub.
- 00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:36,365 And then, finally, he'd be able to eat that pie.
- 00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:38,617 But before he could go through with his entire plan,
- 00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:40,828 he discovered that the pie had already been eaten --
- 00:02:40,953 --> 00:02:42,538 by your dog.
- 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:45,124 Looks like the game is over, old man!
- 00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:47,084 Oh my God!
- 00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:49,712 What kind of television have you kids been watching?
- 00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:51,172 Just the news.
- 00:02:51,297 --> 00:02:54,466 All right, all right. You -- You boys run along now!
- 00:02:54,592 --> 00:02:56,427 Hey, you owe us a dollar, lady!
- 00:02:56,552 --> 00:02:57,928 Fine! Here! Just go!
- 00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:01,098 Wow! Look, you guys! Our first dollar!
- 00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:02,850 We're in business.
- 00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:09,857 Kenny, you got the F.A.G. on that perp in Washington?
- 00:03:09,982 --> 00:03:12,109 Boys, you have a little visitor.
- 00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:15,070 Is this the South Park Crime Unit?
- 00:03:15,196 --> 00:03:16,363 Oh!
- 00:03:16,488 --> 00:03:17,531 Yes, it is!
- 00:03:17,656 --> 00:03:19,491 I lost my dolly.
- 00:03:19,617 --> 00:03:21,744 Thank you, Miss secretary. That will be all.
- 00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:23,412 And get us some more cookies and coffee!
- 00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,080 We're not paying you to sit on your ass!
- 00:03:25,206 --> 00:03:26,707 Do you know where your doll is?
- 00:03:26,832 --> 00:03:29,835 If I knew where it was, it wouldn't be lost.
- 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,587 All right, Sarah. Come over here.
- 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,422 I want you to describe what the doll looks like
- 00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,090 to our sketch artist, Kenny.
- 00:03:35,216 --> 00:03:38,302 She has curly blond hair...
- 00:03:38,427 --> 00:03:40,387 and a red dress...
- 00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:42,973 and a turned-up nose.
- 00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:45,309 And a blue bow in her hair.
- 00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:48,520 You got it, Ken?
- 00:03:48,646 --> 00:03:49,730 All right. Let's see.
- 00:03:50,481 --> 00:03:52,274 Damn it, Kenny! That's not what she said!
- 00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:53,651 Put that away, dude.
- 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:59,073 Don't worry, ma'am. We'll find your doll.
- 00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:03,619 No sign of forced entry.
- 00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:05,204 But the window isn't locked.
- 00:04:05,329 --> 00:04:07,998 Right, so it's possible the thief sat out in that tree.
- 00:04:08,123 --> 00:04:09,750 He would have watched Sarah with her doll,
- 00:04:09,875 --> 00:04:12,253 possibly while cutting the palms of his hand with a large knife.
- 00:04:12,378 --> 00:04:13,671 The pain gave him sick pleasure.
- 00:04:13,796 --> 00:04:15,422 Disposing of the doll wouldn't be easy.
- 00:04:15,547 --> 00:04:17,549 He would've brought a shovel to decapitate it.
- 00:04:17,675 --> 00:04:18,968 We're going to need semen samples
- 00:04:19,093 --> 00:04:20,261 from everything in this room.
- 00:04:20,386 --> 00:04:22,221 All right. Let's do this by the books.
- 00:04:22,346 --> 00:04:24,556 O'Donnell, get me smears of all the places the doll used to be.
- 00:04:24,682 --> 00:04:26,600 Mitchell, run a tap on the phone.
- 00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:28,227 Hey, kid, what are you doing?
- 00:04:28,352 --> 00:04:30,646 Agent Tucker, FBI. And you?
- 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:31,647 Detective Marsh.
- 00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,524 I'm in charge of this investigation.
- 00:04:33,649 --> 00:04:35,025 Not anymore you're not.
- 00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:37,152 Hey, this is our case. You can't come in and take over.
- 00:04:37,278 --> 00:04:38,112 Can't we?
- 00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:40,656 You guys are playing detectives. We're playing FBI.
- 00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,366 That gives us jurisdiction over you.
- 00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:43,617 Aw, crap!
- 00:04:43,742 --> 00:04:45,286 I want choppers on the roof ready to go.
- 00:04:45,411 --> 00:04:47,413 Dude, we've been working this case since 2:30.
- 00:04:47,538 --> 00:04:50,499 Good. Then you can help us by telling me everything you know.
- 00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:53,168 Son of a bitch. Stupid FBI.
- 00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:55,462 Well, I guess we can go back to playing laundromat.
- 00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:57,298 No, we're not gonna stop playing detectives.
- 00:04:57,423 --> 00:04:59,842 We've just got to find that doll before those FBI guys do.
- 00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:01,593 Mrph. - Yeah, but how?
- 00:05:01,719 --> 00:05:02,886 We're gonna have to start bringing in people
- 00:05:03,012 --> 00:05:04,054 for questioning. - Right.
- 00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:06,515 And I think I know exactly where to start.
- 00:05:08,851 --> 00:05:10,519 Where were you this morning at 9:00, Butters?
- 00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:11,562 I was at home.
- 00:05:11,687 --> 00:05:13,314 Your story is full of holes, and I'm gonna beat your ass
- 00:05:13,439 --> 00:05:14,565 if you don't start telling the truth.
- 00:05:14,690 --> 00:05:16,650 Mrph, rmhmhm rm mrph rmh.
- 00:05:16,775 --> 00:05:18,444 Mrph rmhmhm rm, rmh.
- 00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:21,030 They've really gotten good at this good-cop, bad-cop thing.
- 00:05:21,155 --> 00:05:22,865 You're going down, Butters. You hear me?!
- 00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:25,534 Mrph, rmh mrph rm. Mrph rmhmhm rm.
- 00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,578 You're a worthless two-dollar criminal, and you're lying!
- 00:05:27,703 --> 00:05:29,872 Mrph, rmhmhm rm mrph rmh.
- 00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:32,416 I don't have nothing to confess. Honestly!
- 00:05:32,541 --> 00:05:33,250 Fine.
- 00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:35,753 Then you won't mind giving us a semen sample.
- 00:05:35,878 --> 00:05:36,962 How do I do that?
- 00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:38,380 You make the semen come out of your body
- 00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:39,423 and put it in this cup!
- 00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:41,216 How do I make semen come out of my body?
- 00:05:41,342 --> 00:05:42,217 Stop playing games!
- 00:05:42,343 --> 00:05:43,886 I'm not playing. I really don't know.
- 00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:45,637 That does it. Wait right here!
- 00:05:47,431 --> 00:05:48,974 You guys, did you hear that?
- 00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:50,059 Butters doesn't know
- 00:05:50,184 --> 00:05:52,019 how you make semen come out of your body.
- 00:05:52,144 --> 00:05:53,771 How <i>do</i> you make semen come out?
- 00:05:53,896 --> 00:05:55,647 I don't know. I was hoping you guys did.
- 00:05:55,773 --> 00:05:57,024 It's that thing we learned about in school
- 00:05:57,149 --> 00:05:58,817 where you pull on your wiener until white stuff comes out.
- 00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:00,110 Really? - Oh, right.
- 00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:02,112 You're supposed to pull and master-ber-nate your wiener
- 00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:04,073 really fast. - Oh, okay.
- 00:06:04,198 --> 00:06:05,240 Okay, retard.
- 00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:07,284 You really don't know how to make semen come out?
- 00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:09,370 No. - Follow me to the bathroom.
- 00:06:09,495 --> 00:06:12,164 Mrph, rmhmhm rm. Mrph rmh rmphm.
- 00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:15,084 Now, go sit on the toilet
- 00:06:15,209 --> 00:06:17,336 and pull and tug on your wiener until white stuff comes out.
- 00:06:17,461 --> 00:06:19,129 Then put it in this cup. - My wiener?
- 00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:20,839 Yes, retard, semen comes from your wiener.
- 00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:22,883 Now, do it!
- 00:06:28,097 --> 00:06:28,972 Well, Butters?
- 00:06:29,098 --> 00:06:31,225 I'm pulling on my wiener, but nothing's happening.
- 00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:33,560 Well, pull harder!
- 00:06:33,685 --> 00:06:35,062 Ow!
- 00:06:35,187 --> 00:06:37,356 Ow!
- 00:06:37,481 --> 00:06:38,607 It's not working.
- 00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:40,275 Try doing it faster.
- 00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:41,819 Ow. Ow.
- 00:06:41,944 --> 00:06:44,071 Ow. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
- 00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:45,030 No. Nothing.
- 00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:46,740 Butters, you want to go to jail for the rest of your life?!
- 00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:47,366 No!
- 00:06:47,491 --> 00:06:49,618 Then you better get that sample no matter how long it takes!
- 00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:50,994 Okay!
- 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:52,454 Cartman! Cartman!
- 00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:54,665 We just got a tip that a doll was found near Fosse's house!
- 00:06:54,790 --> 00:06:56,250 Let's go.
- 00:06:56,959 --> 00:06:59,044 Ow. Ow!
- 00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:06,218 Huh, okay, Miss -- Miss Jones, huh.
- 00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:08,804 Me and Dr. Flick here just need to check your vagina.
- 00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:09,805 Huh huh huh.
- 00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:11,723 Huh. That's gay. - Yeah, that's gay.
- 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:15,394 Kyle.
- 00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:29,825 What?
- 00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:42,963 What?
- 00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,215 I see two guys inside.
- 00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:48,552 They have Sarah Peterson's doll, you stupid Jew!
- 00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:51,138 They've got the doll.
- 00:07:53,474 --> 00:07:55,517 Okay. Okay. Ready?
- 00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:56,685 Ring the doorbell.
- 00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:02,483 W-W-Who is it?
- 00:08:02,608 --> 00:08:03,859 South Park Junior Detectives.
- 00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,611 We know you have Sarah Peterson's doll.
- 00:08:05,736 --> 00:08:07,613 Heh. They're playing detective.
- 00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:09,156 Huh huh. That's gay.
- 00:08:09,281 --> 00:08:10,365 Huh huh. You're gay!
- 00:08:10,491 --> 00:08:11,825 What do we do now?
- 00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:12,993 I don't know.
- 00:08:13,118 --> 00:08:14,661 If they're not gonna give us back the doll,
- 00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:16,413 we have no choice.
- 00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:18,665 Let's go tell on them.
- 00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:20,375 Dude, we can't just tell on them.
- 00:08:20,501 --> 00:08:21,376 Why not?
- 00:08:21,502 --> 00:08:22,836 Because, dude, we're playing detectives.
- 00:08:22,961 --> 00:08:24,671 Detectives don't just go tell on people.
- 00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:26,590 H-Hey, detectives.
- 00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:28,300 Huh huh, if you don't get out of here,
- 00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:29,927 we're gonna rip the doll's head off.
- 00:08:30,052 --> 00:08:30,969 Huh huh huh.
- 00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:32,095 Huh huh. Yeah.
- 00:08:32,221 --> 00:08:34,640 We were playing gynecologist, and now we're playing criminals.
- 00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:36,558 Huh huh. Yeah. That's gay.
- 00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,060 Huh huh. We're gay.
- 00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:40,145 Jesus. They're gonna kill her. - We've got to do something.
- 00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:41,313 Time. Time is what we need.
- 00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:42,773 But time is something we ain't got!
- 00:08:42,898 --> 00:08:44,775 Attention! You in the house!
- 00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:46,276 This is Agent Tucker with the FBI.
- 00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:48,070 We have you surrounded -- sort of.
- 00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:50,614 Hey, you buttholes can't play FBI here.
- 00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:52,324 Yeah. This was our hot lead.
- 00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:54,326 And you did a great job leading us here.
- 00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:56,078 Now you just stay out of our way.
- 00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,371 The gig is up, Fosse.
- 00:08:57,496 --> 00:08:59,540 Bring out the doll or we'll tell on you.
- 00:08:59,665 --> 00:09:01,375 We're going to charge the front door and go get it.
- 00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:02,376 No, you're not.
- 00:09:02,501 --> 00:09:04,127 Damn it, man, this is not the time for negotiations!
- 00:09:04,253 --> 00:09:06,380 There's a little doll about to have her head twisted off!
- 00:09:06,505 --> 00:09:07,381 Climb off, kid.
- 00:09:07,506 --> 00:09:08,799 We say you can't charge the front door,
- 00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:10,217 and you have to obey what the FBI says.
- 00:09:10,342 --> 00:09:11,218 That's the rules.
- 00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:13,136 Just because your parents can afford better toys than ours
- 00:09:13,262 --> 00:09:14,513 doesn't make you better than us.
- 00:09:14,638 --> 00:09:17,474 Yes, it does so.
- 00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:22,729 Mrph rmh rmphm?
- 00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:24,106 We go get the doll ourselves.
- 00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:26,108 But they said we can't charge the front door.
- 00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:28,193 That's right.
- 00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:31,113 But they didn't say anything about going in the back.
- 00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:32,114 Come on, guys.
- 00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:33,865 You don't want to hurt that doll.
- 00:09:33,991 --> 00:09:35,742 Huh huh. Oh, crap. They're coming in the back.
- 00:09:37,536 --> 00:09:39,079 Mrph. Mrph.
- 00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:41,164 Huh huh.
- 00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:44,084 Huh huh. That's gay.
- 00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:46,295 Bang! Bang! Bang! I got you, Fosse.
- 00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:48,005 Huh. No, you didn't. - Did so!
- 00:09:48,130 --> 00:09:50,757 No, 'cause I got special wizard armor on.
- 00:09:50,882 --> 00:09:52,551 We're not playing Dungeons and Dragons, ass face!
- 00:09:52,676 --> 00:09:53,677 All right. That does it.
- 00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:56,096 Cover me. I'm going slo-mo.
- 00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,269 Oh. He got me.
- 00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:03,937 Bleah. Huh.
- 00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:05,814 Bleah. Bleah.
- 00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:06,898 Huh huh. Yeah.
- 00:10:07,024 --> 00:10:09,943 Ohh, ugh. Ohh, ugh.
- 00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:11,445 Huh huh. We're dead.
- 00:10:11,570 --> 00:10:13,280 Huh huh. That's gay.
- 00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:15,907 We got it.
- 00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:25,042 Ms. Peterson, is your daughter home?
- 00:10:26,168 --> 00:10:27,294 My dolly!
- 00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:31,048 We got her back safe. We lost a lot of good men in the process.
- 00:10:31,173 --> 00:10:32,841 Well, you boys are little heroes.
- 00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,426 I'm gonna call the police department
- 00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:36,803 and let them know what brave little detectives you are.
- 00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,602 Hello, there, little crime stoppers.
- 00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:46,188 I'm Lieutenant Dawson with the Park County police.
- 00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:47,564 I heard you did a great job
- 00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:49,900 finding little Sarah Peterson's doll.
- 00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:51,234 We do what we can, sir.
- 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,445 Well, that's fantastic, kids.
- 00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:55,656 And for all your terrific sleuth-solving,
- 00:10:55,781 --> 00:10:58,992 I'm hereby making you all Junior Detectives.
- 00:11:01,787 --> 00:11:02,621 Wow.
- 00:11:02,746 --> 00:11:03,872 Awesome. - Sweet.
- 00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:06,833 That means you boys are now an official part of the department.
- 00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:07,709 Cool!
- 00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:09,795 All right. So, ready for your first assignment?
- 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:11,296 Sure. - Okay.
- 00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:14,049 There's a meth lab down at 567 Mala Vista.
- 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:15,676 The operators are probably armed to the hilt
- 00:11:15,801 --> 00:11:16,802 with illegal weapons.
- 00:11:16,927 --> 00:11:19,262 I want you to get down there and see what you can find.
- 00:11:20,931 --> 00:11:22,974 Uh...a-a meth lab?
- 00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:25,352 I don't want any problems. Just take 'em down by the books.
- 00:11:25,477 --> 00:11:26,353 Now, get over there.
- 00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:28,230 The mayor's all over my ass on this one.
- 00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:32,442 Oh, and, deputies, you screw this up,
- 00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:34,945 and I'll have you working graveyard shift behind a desk.
- 00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:36,321 Move it!
- 00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:40,992 What is a meth lab, anyway?
- 00:11:41,118 --> 00:11:42,202 I don't know. Let's just hurry up.
- 00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:44,246 I want to get home in time to watch <i>Crime Drama.</i>
- 00:11:56,925 --> 00:11:59,761 Uh, police. Open up.
- 00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:01,763 Oh, crap. Did you guys do your math homework?
- 00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:03,265 Oh, dude. I totally spaced it.
- 00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:06,143 You die, pigs!
- 00:12:07,978 --> 00:12:09,730 You want to die, huh?!
- 00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:20,407 You won't take us alive!
- 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,877 So long, coppers.
- 00:12:32,002 --> 00:12:33,879 Oh, shit!
- 00:12:39,551 --> 00:12:42,053 Damn.
- 00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:46,057 One UPS vehicle valued at $25,000,
- 00:12:46,183 --> 00:12:48,310 one civilian vehicle worth $16,000,
- 00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:49,853 the second floor of the post office,
- 00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:52,606 and a coffee shop valued at $60,000.
- 00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:54,858 The mayor's gonna have my ass!
- 00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:57,068 Uh, sir, we just got kind of blindsided by the --
- 00:12:57,194 --> 00:12:58,278 You got careless!
- 00:12:58,403 --> 00:12:59,988 Now, I don't know how they do things
- 00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:02,657 down at that dog-and-pony show they call the fourth grade,
- 00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:03,992 but here we have rules.
- 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:06,161 Jesus, we don't even have guys to question now
- 00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:07,537 because you killed them all!
- 00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:08,789 We're sorry.
- 00:13:08,914 --> 00:13:11,082 One more slipup like that, and I'll have your badges.
- 00:13:11,208 --> 00:13:13,835 You hear me? Now, hit the showers.
- 00:13:14,795 --> 00:13:17,881 Well, well, well. If it isn't the super cops.
- 00:13:19,508 --> 00:13:22,219 Hey, Murphy, think they'll let me borrow their G.I. Joes?
- 00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:25,347 Come on, you guys. Leave 'em alone.
- 00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:28,350 Relax, Hopkins. All fun and games, right?
- 00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:29,851 So, tell us, rookies,
- 00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:32,854 you, uh, find yourself a little bonus in that house?
- 00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:33,939 A bonus?
- 00:13:34,064 --> 00:13:36,483 Come on. We all skim a little off the top.
- 00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:39,861 Oh. Or are you too good for that?
- 00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,321 You think you're gonna waltz in here
- 00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:42,781 and clean up the system, is that it?
- 00:13:42,906 --> 00:13:44,866 We just want to be Junior Detectives.
- 00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:46,117 Look, we all work hard.
- 00:13:46,243 --> 00:13:48,662 And we deserve more than the $30,000 a year we get paid.
- 00:13:48,787 --> 00:13:50,705 So what if we take in a little on the side?
- 00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:52,707 Yeah. Who the hell are you to change that?
- 00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:54,334 I said back off, Murphy.
- 00:13:54,459 --> 00:13:56,253 Why don't you and your rookie friends make us?
- 00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:57,712 That's right! Come on! - Yeah, that's right.
- 00:13:57,838 --> 00:13:59,130 Bring it! - Let's go. Come on! Bring it!
- 00:13:59,256 --> 00:14:00,799 What the hell is the problem here?!
- 00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:02,217 No problem, sir.
- 00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,010 No problem at all.
- 00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:07,097 Then hit the showers, all of you.
- 00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:13,979 Dude, I don't want to play detective anymore.
- 00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:15,897 Me neither. - It'll get better, you guys.
- 00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:17,274 Better how, dude?
- 00:14:17,399 --> 00:14:19,943 Look, we wanted to form a club to protect and serve South Park.
- 00:14:20,068 --> 00:14:21,152 We put all this time into it.
- 00:14:21,278 --> 00:14:22,654 What do you guys want to do, huh?
- 00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:24,906 Go back to playing car mechanics or laundromat owners?
- 00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:26,616 We were happy playing laundromat owners.
- 00:14:26,741 --> 00:14:27,534 I wasn't.
- 00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:28,577 We started playing detective
- 00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:30,287 because we wanted our playtime to mean something.
- 00:14:30,412 --> 00:14:31,955 Or have you forgotten why you joined the force?
- 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:33,748 Hey, Broflovski's a good cop.
- 00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:36,001 You guys can go back to playing laundromat owners if you want,
- 00:14:36,126 --> 00:14:37,919 but I'm not gonna give those kids playing the FBI
- 00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:39,337 a chance to laugh at us.
- 00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:41,673 I'll see you guys at school tomorrow.
- 00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:52,183 Eric, where have you been? It's 10:30.
- 00:14:52,309 --> 00:14:54,144 We had to take down a meth lab on Mala Vista.
- 00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:55,645 Well, you should have called Mommy.
- 00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:56,855 Will you get off my back?!
- 00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:58,189 It's hard enough I got to work the beat.
- 00:14:58,315 --> 00:15:00,275 Then I got to come home to your nagging?
- 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,152 Look. Look. I-I'm sorry.
- 00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:04,779 It's just this case and the guys down at the station --
- 00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:06,823 I'm tired, all right? I'm tired.
- 00:15:06,948 --> 00:15:09,242 Well, why don't you get ready for snoogums' night-night,
- 00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:12,078 and I'll bring you some toasty chocolate nummers?
- 00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:13,830 Okay.
- 00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:19,002 Oh! Ow.
- 00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:20,670 - Butters? - Yes?
- 00:15:20,795 --> 00:15:22,756 Are you still trying to give a semen sample?
- 00:15:22,881 --> 00:15:25,258 I'm trying, but nothing's coming out.
- 00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:27,218 Well, keep trying, Butters.
- 00:15:27,344 --> 00:15:28,762 Okay.
- 00:15:28,887 --> 00:15:31,306 Ow. Ow!
- 00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:35,101 And so you can see, children,
- 00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:37,479 that the women's movement of the late '50s and early '60s
- 00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:41,024 had a profound effect on feminism in America -- Uh, boys?
- 00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:44,736 Would it trouble you terribly not to sleep in my class?!
- 00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:46,738 Oh, we weren't sleeping, Mr. Garrison.
- 00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:48,740 Oh, well, then maybe you can tell me who was in charge
- 00:15:48,865 --> 00:15:50,992 of the feminist movement of the early '60s.
- 00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:53,745 A bunch of fat old skanks on their periods?
- 00:15:54,329 --> 00:15:57,707 Right, but who was the fattest, oldest skank on her period?
- 00:15:59,501 --> 00:16:01,962 That's what I thought. Now, pay attention!
- 00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:03,922 Okay, children, now the biggest skank of all
- 00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:05,423 was an old fat ass by the name of --
- 00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:07,467 Marsh! Broflovski! McCormick! Cartman!
- 00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:09,844 In my office!
- 00:16:12,389 --> 00:16:14,307 Looks like that meth lab you took down
- 00:16:14,432 --> 00:16:15,850 was just the tip of the iceberg.
- 00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:17,477 They found a paper trail leading all the way
- 00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:19,938 to the biggest crime syndicate in Colorado.
- 00:16:20,063 --> 00:16:20,772 Uh-oh.
- 00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:22,440 The operators apparently run their business
- 00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:24,526 out of a sleazy strip joint down in Englewood.
- 00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:28,238 They're all cop killers, so I'm sending you in undercover.
- 00:16:28,363 --> 00:16:30,782 Uh, sir, I have a lot of homework to do tonight,
- 00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:32,033 and I was -- - What?!
- 00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:32,993 Now, you listen to me.
- 00:16:33,118 --> 00:16:34,577 I'm giving you one last chance.
- 00:16:34,703 --> 00:16:37,205 You're good cops, but you let your emotions get in the way.
- 00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:40,542 And your little shoot-first, ask-questions-later technique
- 00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,043 has no place in this century!
- 00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:44,129 Now, you get down to that strip joint,
- 00:16:44,254 --> 00:16:46,297 and you do it by the books, you got it?!
- 00:16:46,423 --> 00:16:49,009 The mayor is -- my ass -- Blah blah blah!
- 00:16:53,430 --> 00:16:56,641 So, what did you boys have to say to the lieutenant?
- 00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:58,601 Nothing. He just told us a bunch of stuff.
- 00:16:58,727 --> 00:17:01,104 Maybe you decided you needed to tell him about our...
- 00:17:01,229 --> 00:17:02,188 bonus money.
- 00:17:02,313 --> 00:17:03,523 No.
- 00:17:05,150 --> 00:17:06,693 They're lying.
- 00:17:06,818 --> 00:17:08,653 They're dead.
- 00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:20,331 Dude, if my mom knew I was in here,
- 00:17:20,457 --> 00:17:22,709 I would be in super-big trouble.
- 00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:25,295 Mrph rmh!
- 00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:29,966 Would you like a dance?
- 00:17:30,091 --> 00:17:30,884 No, thanks.
- 00:17:31,009 --> 00:17:33,595 Dance? Anyone like a dance?
- 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,180 All right, guys. put your hands together.
- 00:17:35,305 --> 00:17:36,264 Be sure to tip the dancers.
- 00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,516 All right. Now let's hear it for Candy.
- 00:17:38,641 --> 00:17:41,019 Whoa. Whoa. What the hell are you kids doing in here?
- 00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:43,438 This isn't an appropriate place for children.
- 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:44,814 Dance?
- 00:17:44,939 --> 00:17:46,775 Anyone like a dance?
- 00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:48,735 Uh, it's okay. We know the owner.
- 00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:50,779 Oh, really? Let's go see.
- 00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:53,990 We'll have to start having the McCormicks make our meth again.
- 00:17:54,115 --> 00:17:56,201 Hey, Gino, these kids say they know you.
- 00:17:56,326 --> 00:17:58,453 What? I don't know no kids.
- 00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,955 I didn't think so. All right, you kids.
- 00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:01,956 Hey, wait a minute.
- 00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:03,458 These kids might be just what we need
- 00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:05,627 to get our drugs past the security at D.I.A.
- 00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,629 how would you like to join our family?
- 00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:10,548 Yo, Gino, I know I seen these kids before, man.
- 00:18:10,673 --> 00:18:12,550 These kids are five-o. - What?
- 00:18:12,675 --> 00:18:14,177 These kids are cops, man!
- 00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:17,472 Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
- 00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,142 Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! - Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
- 00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:24,395 Mrph rmh. Mrph rmh.
- 00:18:24,521 --> 00:18:26,356 Kenny, it doesn't go "peekew-peekew."
- 00:18:26,481 --> 00:18:27,982 It goes "Bang! Bang! Bang!"
- 00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:34,280 God damn it!
- 00:18:34,405 --> 00:18:37,617 Those Junior Detectives and their heroically reckless ways.
- 00:18:37,742 --> 00:18:39,661 Murphy, Jenkins, Hopkins, get in there!
- 00:18:43,414 --> 00:18:45,166 Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
- 00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:50,797 Da-a-a-nce?! Anybody like a da-a-a-a-nce?
- 00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:53,299 Freeze! South Park detectives!
- 00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:57,470 Great job, boys. You found the meth boss.
- 00:18:58,054 --> 00:19:00,723 Detective Murphy. Jenkins. What the hell are you doing?
- 00:19:00,849 --> 00:19:02,308 We had a deal!
- 00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:04,060 A deal?
- 00:19:04,185 --> 00:19:06,688 That's right. We're partners in the drug business.
- 00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:09,816 Everything was fine until these super cops joined the force.
- 00:19:11,025 --> 00:19:12,485 Now we got to kill you all.
- 00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:13,486 Boys! Down!
- 00:19:19,784 --> 00:19:20,994 All right, guys. Put your hands together.
- 00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:22,245 Lot of shootin' and killin' going on.
- 00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:23,413 But be sure to tip your waitress.
- 00:19:23,538 --> 00:19:25,665 Let's hear it for Rebecca.
- 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:30,879 Christ! Those Junior Detectives have no regard for the law.
- 00:19:32,881 --> 00:19:35,592 Get me a hard line to the phone. And I want choppers on the roof!
- 00:19:35,717 --> 00:19:37,093 Who the hell are you?
- 00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:38,803 Agent Fields, FBI.
- 00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:40,889 Hey, I'm in charge of this investigation.
- 00:19:41,014 --> 00:19:42,891 Not anymore you're not.
- 00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:45,059 But that's not fair!
- 00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:47,187 Is so! Is so!
- 00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:52,942 Aah!
- 00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:54,777 Sorry, Detective Hopkins.
- 00:19:54,903 --> 00:19:57,780 We can't let anybody know about our partnership.
- 00:19:57,906 --> 00:20:00,742 That's right. We split it all, 50-50!
- 00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:02,702 That's right.
- 00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:06,748 I think we'll take 100% now.
- 00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:07,874 Huh huh. Yeah.
- 00:20:07,999 --> 00:20:09,751 Sorry, Gino, but in business like this,
- 00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:11,878 sometimes partnerships need to end.
- 00:20:12,003 --> 00:20:14,589 That's right.
- 00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,966 Sometimes partnerships need to end.
- 00:20:18,218 --> 00:20:19,177 Well, super cops,
- 00:20:19,302 --> 00:20:22,096 looks like I'll be taking in all the money now.
- 00:20:22,222 --> 00:20:23,514 I'm in business alone.
- 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:27,060 And that means that the only person that I can't trust...
- 00:20:27,185 --> 00:20:28,645 is myself.
- 00:20:35,610 --> 00:20:38,279 Looks like Murphy and Jenkins got what they deserved.
- 00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:39,447 If it weren't for you boys,
- 00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,366 we would've never cleaned up the department.
- 00:20:41,491 --> 00:20:43,910 All right, detectives. Let's get one thing straight.
- 00:20:44,035 --> 00:20:45,995 I do not agree with your methods.
- 00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:48,456 You're uncontrolled and you're negligent!
- 00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:50,750 But, by God, you get the job done.
- 00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:52,168 Congratulations.
- 00:20:52,293 --> 00:20:53,378 Thanks.
- 00:20:53,503 --> 00:20:55,546 I'm probably gonna regret this, but, well,
- 00:20:55,672 --> 00:20:57,674 I'm promoting you to full detectives.
- 00:20:57,799 --> 00:20:58,967 There'll be lots more action
- 00:20:59,092 --> 00:21:01,177 and that big paycheck you've always wanted.
- 00:21:03,263 --> 00:21:05,723 I think I have a better idea.
- 00:21:06,474 --> 00:21:08,685 Hello, sir. Welcome to the Broflovski Laundromat.
- 00:21:08,810 --> 00:21:11,271 Yes. I have a suit I need dry-cleaned and pressed, please.
- 00:21:11,396 --> 00:21:12,522 Certainly.
- 00:21:12,647 --> 00:21:13,731 Here you are, Mr. McCormick.
- 00:21:13,856 --> 00:21:15,233 Your laundry is all done and folded.
- 00:21:15,358 --> 00:21:16,901 That will be $9.95.
- 00:21:17,026 --> 00:21:18,069 On your American Express.
- 00:21:18,194 --> 00:21:20,363 Fellas! Hey, fellas! I got it!
- 00:21:20,488 --> 00:21:22,407 - I-I got my semen sample! - You did?
- 00:21:22,532 --> 00:21:25,076 Yeah. I was up there pounding my wiener for two days straight.
- 00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:27,495 A-And finally I thought about Stan's mom's boobs,
- 00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:30,290 and this little tiny spooge of this white stuff came out.
- 00:21:30,415 --> 00:21:32,250 That's great, but we're not playing detective anymore.
- 00:21:32,375 --> 00:21:33,376 We're playing laundromat owners.
- 00:21:33,501 --> 00:21:35,253 Would you like those pants cleaned for $4.95?
- 00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:11,929 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:13,806 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:15,599 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:18,602 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,604 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:00:20,730 --> 00:00:22,023 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
- 00:00:22,148 --> 00:00:25,401 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:28,529 Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
- 00:00:28,654 --> 00:00:33,159 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:37,329 [ Knock on door ]
- 00:00:37,913 --> 00:00:39,498 Yes? Oh, hello, boys.
- 00:00:39,623 --> 00:00:41,000 Hello, sir. South Park Junior Detectives.
- 00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:42,501 We were wondering if you have any crimes
- 00:00:42,626 --> 00:00:43,669 you need solved for a dollar.
- 00:00:43,794 --> 00:00:45,087 Ooh, little crime stoppers, huh?
- 00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:46,797 Well, I'm afraid I don't have any crimes
- 00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:48,340 I need solved right now.
- 00:00:48,466 --> 00:00:49,216 Aw, shit.
- 00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:51,510 All right, sir. Well, please call us if you need anything.
- 00:00:51,635 --> 00:00:53,512 I'll do that. Have fun, boys.
- 00:00:53,637 --> 00:00:54,722 Stupid assholes.
- 00:00:54,847 --> 00:00:56,307 How come nobody has a crime to solve?
- 00:00:56,432 --> 00:00:58,809 Maybe starting a detective club isn't such a great idea.
- 00:00:58,934 --> 00:01:00,644 It's a great idea. We just have to keep working at it.
- 00:01:02,271 --> 00:01:03,314 [ Knock on door ]
- 00:01:03,898 --> 00:01:05,775 Oh, hello there, boys!
- 00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:07,485 Hello, ma'am. We're detectives with the South Park Crime Unit.
- 00:01:07,610 --> 00:01:09,320 Do you have any crimes you need solved for a dollar?
- 00:01:09,445 --> 00:01:11,155 Ooh. Neighborhood detectives, huh?
- 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:12,865 Well, let me th-- Ooh, yes!
- 00:01:12,990 --> 00:01:14,867 There is something! - Really?
- 00:01:14,992 --> 00:01:17,787 Yes -- two days ago, I put a fresh-baked cherry pie
- 00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:19,622 out on my windowsill to cool.
- 00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:22,333 And later, when I went to get it, it was gone.
- 00:01:22,458 --> 00:01:23,501 My God.
- 00:01:23,626 --> 00:01:25,419 Have you reported this to any other authorities?
- 00:01:25,544 --> 00:01:28,380 No, but I think it's a perfect case for you kids.
- 00:01:28,506 --> 00:01:30,049 Cool! We'll see what we can find, ma'am!
- 00:01:30,174 --> 00:01:32,009 We're on the case.
- 00:01:32,134 --> 00:01:34,053 [ Down-tempo music plays ] - What have you got, Marsh?
- 00:01:34,178 --> 00:01:36,097 Detective McCormick found something interesting.
- 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:40,184 [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:01:40,309 --> 00:01:42,186 Jesus. We're too late.
- 00:01:42,311 --> 00:01:44,688 I think we can piece this case together now.
- 00:01:44,814 --> 00:01:46,357 [ Theme music playing ]
- 00:01:46,482 --> 00:01:47,775 Seen for the first time on HBC...
- 00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:51,153 My pie tin! Ooh, but what happened to the pie?
- 00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:52,446 Well, we've all talked it through,
- 00:01:52,571 --> 00:01:53,864 and we've come up with a theory.
- 00:01:53,989 --> 00:01:55,991 What do you think happened, little detectives?
- 00:01:56,117 --> 00:01:57,618 You said you set the pie on the windowsill,
- 00:01:57,743 --> 00:02:00,162 where it must have sat for some time.
- 00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:04,083 But its sweet smell attracted the attention of somebody.
- 00:02:04,208 --> 00:02:05,501 Your husband!
- 00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:06,961 He wanted that pie badly,
- 00:02:07,086 --> 00:02:09,338 but he knew that he was not allowed to eat it yet.
- 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,340 Slowly, the rage built inside his mind.
- 00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,175 "Why won't she let me eat that pie?
- 00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:15,302 Why does she always stop me from doing what I want to do?"
- 00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:18,389 His only solution became obvious -- kill her.
- 00:02:18,514 --> 00:02:19,807 His plan was to use a hammer.
- 00:02:19,932 --> 00:02:22,309 Bash, bash, bash your skull in, causing instant death.
- 00:02:22,434 --> 00:02:24,311 To make it impossible for police to identify the body,
- 00:02:24,436 --> 00:02:25,980 he would use a shovel to remove your head...
- 00:02:26,105 --> 00:02:28,399 Then saw off the arms and legs.
- 00:02:28,524 --> 00:02:31,152 The torso, he would dump into the lake.
- 00:02:31,277 --> 00:02:32,695 The arms and legs, he would dissolve
- 00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:33,946 with acid and lye in the bathtub.
- 00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:36,365 And then, finally, he'd be able to eat that pie.
- 00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:38,617 But before he could go through with his entire plan,
- 00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:40,828 he discovered that the pie had already been eaten --
- 00:02:40,953 --> 00:02:42,538 by your dog.
- 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:45,124 Looks like the game is over, old man!
- 00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:47,084 Oh my God!
- 00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:49,712 What kind of television have you kids been watching?
- 00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:51,172 Just the news.
- 00:02:51,297 --> 00:02:54,466 All right, all right. You -- You boys run along now!
- 00:02:54,592 --> 00:02:56,427 Hey, you owe us a dollar, lady!
- 00:02:56,552 --> 00:02:57,928 Fine! Here! Just go!
- 00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:01,098 Wow! Look, you guys! Our first dollar!
- 00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:02,850 We're in business.
- 00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:09,857 Kenny, you got the F.A.G. on that perp in Washington?
- 00:03:09,982 --> 00:03:12,109 Boys, you have a little visitor.
- 00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:15,070 Is this the South Park Crime Unit?
- 00:03:15,196 --> 00:03:16,363 [ Gasps ] - Oh!
- 00:03:16,488 --> 00:03:17,531 Yes, it is!
- 00:03:17,656 --> 00:03:19,491 I lost my dolly.
- 00:03:19,617 --> 00:03:21,744 Thank you, Miss secretary. That will be all.
- 00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:23,412 And get us some more cookies and coffee!
- 00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,080 We're not paying you to sit on your ass!
- 00:03:25,206 --> 00:03:26,707 Do you know where your doll is?
- 00:03:26,832 --> 00:03:29,835 If I knew where it was, it wouldn't be lost.
- 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,587 All right, Sarah. Come over here.
- 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,422 I want you to describe what the doll looks like
- 00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,090 to our sketch artist, Kenny.
- 00:03:35,216 --> 00:03:38,302 She has curly blond hair...
- 00:03:38,427 --> 00:03:40,387 and a red dress...
- 00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:42,973 and a turned-up nose.
- 00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:45,309 And a blue bow in her hair.
- 00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:48,520 You got it, Ken?
- 00:03:48,646 --> 00:03:49,730 All right. Let's see.
- 00:03:50,481 --> 00:03:52,274 Damn it, Kenny! That's not what she said!
- 00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:53,651 Put that away, dude.
- 00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:56,445 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:59,073 Don't worry, ma'am. We'll find your doll.
- 00:03:59,198 --> 00:04:00,783 [ Birds chirping ]
- 00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:03,619 No sign of forced entry.
- 00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:05,204 But the window isn't locked.
- 00:04:05,329 --> 00:04:07,998 Right, so it's possible the thief sat out in that tree.
- 00:04:08,123 --> 00:04:09,750 He would have watched Sarah with her doll,
- 00:04:09,875 --> 00:04:12,253 possibly while cutting the palms of his hand with a large knife.
- 00:04:12,378 --> 00:04:13,671 The pain gave him sick pleasure.
- 00:04:13,796 --> 00:04:15,422 Disposing of the doll wouldn't be easy.
- 00:04:15,547 --> 00:04:17,549 He would've brought a shovel to decapitate it.
- 00:04:17,675 --> 00:04:18,968 We're going to need semen samples
- 00:04:19,093 --> 00:04:20,261 from everything in this room.
- 00:04:20,386 --> 00:04:22,221 All right. Let's do this by the books.
- 00:04:22,346 --> 00:04:24,556 O'Donnell, get me smears of all the places the doll used to be.
- 00:04:24,682 --> 00:04:26,600 Mitchell, run a tap on the phone.
- 00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:28,227 Hey, kid, what are you doing?
- 00:04:28,352 --> 00:04:30,646 Agent Tucker, FBI. And you?
- 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:31,647 Detective Marsh.
- 00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,524 I'm in charge of this investigation.
- 00:04:33,649 --> 00:04:35,025 Not anymore you're not.
- 00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:37,152 Hey, this is our case. You can't come in and take over.
- 00:04:37,278 --> 00:04:38,112 Can't we?
- 00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:40,656 You guys are playing detectives. We're playing FBI.
- 00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,366 That gives us jurisdiction over you.
- 00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:43,617 Aw, crap!
- 00:04:43,742 --> 00:04:45,286 I want choppers on the roof ready to go.
- 00:04:45,411 --> 00:04:47,413 Dude, we've been working this case since 2:30.
- 00:04:47,538 --> 00:04:50,499 Good. Then you can help us by telling me everything you know.
- 00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:53,168 Son of a bitch. Stupid FBI.
- 00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:55,462 Well, I guess we can go back to playing laundromat.
- 00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:57,298 No, we're not gonna stop playing detectives.
- 00:04:57,423 --> 00:04:59,842 We've just got to find that doll before those FBI guys do.
- 00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:01,593 Mrph. - Yeah, but how?
- 00:05:01,719 --> 00:05:02,886 We're gonna have to start bringing in people
- 00:05:03,012 --> 00:05:04,054 for questioning. - Right.
- 00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:06,515 And I think I know exactly where to start.
- 00:05:08,851 --> 00:05:10,519 Where were you this morning at 9:00, Butters?
- 00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:11,562 I was at home.
- 00:05:11,687 --> 00:05:13,314 Your story is full of holes, and I'm gonna beat your ass
- 00:05:13,439 --> 00:05:14,565 if you don't start telling the truth.
- 00:05:14,690 --> 00:05:16,650 Mrph, rmhmhm rm mrph rmh.
- 00:05:16,775 --> 00:05:18,444 Mrph rmhmhm rm, rmh.
- 00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:21,030 They've really gotten good at this good-cop, bad-cop thing.
- 00:05:21,155 --> 00:05:22,865 You're going down, Butters. You hear me?!
- 00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:25,534 Mrph, rmh mrph rm. Mrph rmhmhm rm.
- 00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,578 You're a worthless two-dollar criminal, and you're lying!
- 00:05:27,703 --> 00:05:29,872 Mrph, rmhmhm rm mrph rmh.
- 00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:32,416 I don't have nothing to confess. Honestly!
- 00:05:32,541 --> 00:05:33,250 Fine.
- 00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:35,753 Then you won't mind giving us a semen sample.
- 00:05:35,878 --> 00:05:36,962 How do I do that?
- 00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:38,380 You make the semen come out of your body
- 00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:39,423 and put it in this cup!
- 00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:41,216 How do I make semen come out of my body?
- 00:05:41,342 --> 00:05:42,217 Stop playing games!
- 00:05:42,343 --> 00:05:43,886 I'm not playing. I really don't know.
- 00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:45,637 That does it. Wait right here!
- 00:05:47,431 --> 00:05:48,974 You guys, did you hear that?
- 00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:50,059 Butters doesn't know
- 00:05:50,184 --> 00:05:52,019 how you make semen come out of your body.
- 00:05:52,144 --> 00:05:53,771 How <i>do</i> you make semen come out?
- 00:05:53,896 --> 00:05:55,647 I don't know. I was hoping you guys did.
- 00:05:55,773 --> 00:05:57,024 It's that thing we learned about in school
- 00:05:57,149 --> 00:05:58,817 where you pull on your wiener until white stuff comes out.
- 00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:00,110 Really? - Oh, right.
- 00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:02,112 You're supposed to pull and master-ber-nate your wiener
- 00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:04,073 really fast. - Oh, okay.
- 00:06:04,198 --> 00:06:05,240 Okay, retard.
- 00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:07,284 You really don't know how to make semen come out?
- 00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:09,370 No. - Follow me to the bathroom.
- 00:06:09,495 --> 00:06:12,164 Mrph, rmhmhm rm. Mrph rmh rmphm.
- 00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:15,084 Now, go sit on the toilet
- 00:06:15,209 --> 00:06:17,336 and pull and tug on your wiener until white stuff comes out.
- 00:06:17,461 --> 00:06:19,129 Then put it in this cup. - My wiener?
- 00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:20,839 Yes, retard, semen comes from your wiener.
- 00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:22,883 Now, do it!
- 00:06:28,097 --> 00:06:28,972 Well, Butters?
- 00:06:29,098 --> 00:06:31,225 I'm pulling on my wiener, but nothing's happening.
- 00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:33,560 Well, pull harder!
- 00:06:33,685 --> 00:06:35,062 Ow!
- 00:06:35,187 --> 00:06:37,356 Ow!
- 00:06:37,481 --> 00:06:38,607 It's not working.
- 00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:40,275 Try doing it faster.
- 00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:41,819 Ow. Ow.
- 00:06:41,944 --> 00:06:44,071 Ow. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
- 00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:45,030 No. Nothing.
- 00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:46,740 Butters, you want to go to jail for the rest of your life?!
- 00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:47,366 No!
- 00:06:47,491 --> 00:06:49,618 Then you better get that sample no matter how long it takes!
- 00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:50,994 Okay!
- 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:52,454 Cartman! Cartman!
- 00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:54,665 We just got a tip that a doll was found near Fosse's house!
- 00:06:54,790 --> 00:06:56,250 Let's go.
- 00:06:56,959 --> 00:06:59,044 BUTTERS: Ow. Ow!
- 00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:01,380 [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:06,218 Huh, okay, Miss -- Miss Jones, huh.
- 00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:08,804 Me and Dr. Flick here just need to check your vagina.
- 00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:09,805 Huh huh huh.
- 00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:11,723 Huh. That's gay. - Yeah, that's gay.
- 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:15,394 Kyle.
- 00:07:15,519 --> 00:07:17,813 [ Music continues ]
- 00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:29,825 What?
- 00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:42,963 What?
- 00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,215 I see two guys inside.
- 00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:48,552 They have Sarah Peterson's doll, you stupid Jew!
- 00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:51,138 [ Gasps ] They've got the doll.
- 00:07:53,474 --> 00:07:55,517 Okay. Okay. Ready?
- 00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:56,685 Ring the doorbell.
- 00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,562 [ Doorbell rings ]
- 00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:02,483 W-W-Who is it?
- 00:08:02,608 --> 00:08:03,859 South Park Junior Detectives.
- 00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,611 We know you have Sarah Peterson's doll.
- 00:08:05,736 --> 00:08:07,613 Heh. They're playing detective.
- 00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:09,156 Huh huh. That's gay.
- 00:08:09,281 --> 00:08:10,365 Huh huh. You're gay!
- 00:08:10,491 --> 00:08:11,825 What do we do now?
- 00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:12,993 I don't know.
- 00:08:13,118 --> 00:08:14,661 If they're not gonna give us back the doll,
- 00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:16,413 we have no choice.
- 00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:18,665 Let's go tell on them.
- 00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:20,375 Dude, we can't just tell on them.
- 00:08:20,501 --> 00:08:21,376 Why not?
- 00:08:21,502 --> 00:08:22,836 Because, dude, we're playing detectives.
- 00:08:22,961 --> 00:08:24,671 Detectives don't just go tell on people.
- 00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:26,590 H-Hey, detectives.
- 00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:28,300 Huh huh, if you don't get out of here,
- 00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:29,927 we're gonna rip the doll's head off.
- 00:08:30,052 --> 00:08:30,969 Huh huh huh.
- 00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:32,095 Huh huh. Yeah.
- 00:08:32,221 --> 00:08:34,640 We were playing gynecologist, and now we're playing criminals.
- 00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:36,558 Huh huh. Yeah. That's gay.
- 00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,060 Huh huh. We're gay.
- 00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:40,145 Jesus. They're gonna kill her. - We've got to do something.
- 00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:41,313 Time. Time is what we need.
- 00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:42,773 But time is something we ain't got!
- 00:08:42,898 --> 00:08:44,775 Attention! You in the house!
- 00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:46,276 This is Agent Tucker with the FBI.
- 00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:48,070 We have you surrounded -- sort of.
- 00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:50,614 Hey, you buttholes can't play FBI here.
- 00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:52,324 Yeah. This was our hot lead.
- 00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:54,326 And you did a great job leading us here.
- 00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:56,078 Now you just stay out of our way.
- 00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,371 The gig is up, Fosse.
- 00:08:57,496 --> 00:08:59,540 Bring out the doll or we'll tell on you.
- 00:08:59,665 --> 00:09:01,375 We're going to charge the front door and go get it.
- 00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:02,376 No, you're not.
- 00:09:02,501 --> 00:09:04,127 Damn it, man, this is not the time for negotiations!
- 00:09:04,253 --> 00:09:06,380 There's a little doll about to have her head twisted off!
- 00:09:06,505 --> 00:09:07,381 Climb off, kid.
- 00:09:07,506 --> 00:09:08,799 We say you can't charge the front door,
- 00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:10,217 and you have to obey what the FBI says.
- 00:09:10,342 --> 00:09:11,218 That's the rules.
- 00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:13,136 Just because your parents can afford better toys than ours
- 00:09:13,262 --> 00:09:14,513 doesn't make you better than us.
- 00:09:14,638 --> 00:09:17,474 Yes, it does so.
- 00:09:18,517 --> 00:09:19,851 [ Growls ]
- 00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:22,729 Mrph rmh rmphm?
- 00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:24,106 We go get the doll ourselves.
- 00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:26,108 But they said we can't charge the front door.
- 00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:28,193 That's right. [ Imitates gun cocking ]
- 00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:31,113 But they didn't say anything about going in the back.
- 00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:32,114 TUCKER: Come on, guys.
- 00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:33,865 You don't want to hurt that doll.
- 00:09:33,991 --> 00:09:35,742 Huh huh. Oh, crap. They're coming in the back.
- 00:09:35,867 --> 00:09:37,411 [ Imitating gunfire ]
- 00:09:37,536 --> 00:09:39,079 Mrph. Mrph.
- 00:09:39,204 --> 00:09:40,038 [ Imitating gunfire ]
- 00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:41,164 [ Imitates gunfire ] Huh huh.
- 00:09:41,290 --> 00:09:42,416 [ Imitates gunfire ]
- 00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:44,084 Huh huh. That's gay.
- 00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:46,295 Bang! Bang! Bang! I got you, Fosse.
- 00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:48,005 Huh. No, you didn't. - Did so!
- 00:09:48,130 --> 00:09:50,757 No, 'cause I got special wizard armor on.
- 00:09:50,882 --> 00:09:52,551 We're not playing Dungeons and Dragons, ass face!
- 00:09:52,676 --> 00:09:53,677 All right. That does it.
- 00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:56,096 Cover me. I'm going slo-mo.
- 00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:58,807 [ Imitating slow-motion gunfire ]
- 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,809 [ Rock music playing ]
- 00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,269 Oh. He got me.
- 00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:03,937 Bleah. Huh.
- 00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:05,814 Bleah. Bleah.
- 00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:06,898 Huh huh. Yeah.
- 00:10:07,024 --> 00:10:09,943 Ohh, ugh. Ohh, ugh.
- 00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:11,445 Huh huh. We're dead.
- 00:10:11,570 --> 00:10:13,280 Huh huh. That's gay.
- 00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:15,907 We got it.
- 00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:22,456 [ Knock on door ]
- 00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:25,042 Ms. Peterson, is your daughter home?
- 00:10:26,168 --> 00:10:27,294 My dolly!
- 00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:31,048 We got her back safe. We lost a lot of good men in the process.
- 00:10:31,173 --> 00:10:32,841 Well, you boys are little heroes.
- 00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,426 I'm gonna call the police department
- 00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:36,803 and let them know what brave little detectives you are.
- 00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:38,597 [ Mid-tempo music plays ]
- 00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,602 Hello, there, little crime stoppers.
- 00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:46,188 I'm Lieutenant Dawson with the Park County police.
- 00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:47,564 I heard you did a great job
- 00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:49,900 finding little Sarah Peterson's doll.
- 00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:51,234 We do what we can, sir.
- 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,445 Well, that's fantastic, kids.
- 00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:55,656 And for all your terrific sleuth-solving,
- 00:10:55,781 --> 00:10:58,992 I'm hereby making you all Junior Detectives.
- 00:10:59,117 --> 00:11:01,662 [ Mid-tempo music plays ]
- 00:11:01,787 --> 00:11:02,621 Wow.
- 00:11:02,746 --> 00:11:03,872 Awesome. - Sweet.
- 00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:06,833 That means you boys are now an official part of the department.
- 00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:07,709 Cool!
- 00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:09,795 All right. So, ready for your first assignment?
- 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:11,296 Sure. - Okay.
- 00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:14,049 There's a meth lab down at 567 Mala Vista.
- 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:15,676 The operators are probably armed to the hilt
- 00:11:15,801 --> 00:11:16,802 with illegal weapons.
- 00:11:16,927 --> 00:11:19,262 I want you to get down there and see what you can find.
- 00:11:19,388 --> 00:11:20,806 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- 00:11:20,931 --> 00:11:22,974 Uh...a-a meth lab?
- 00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:25,352 I don't want any problems. Just take 'em down by the books.
- 00:11:25,477 --> 00:11:26,353 Now, get over there.
- 00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:28,230 The mayor's all over my ass on this one.
- 00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:32,442 Oh, and, deputies, you screw this up,
- 00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:34,945 and I'll have you working graveyard shift behind a desk.
- 00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:36,321 Move it!
- 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,032 [ Insects chirping ]
- 00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:40,992 What is a meth lab, anyway?
- 00:11:41,118 --> 00:11:42,202 I don't know. Let's just hurry up.
- 00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:44,246 I want to get home in time to watch <i>Crime Drama.</i>
- 00:11:45,163 --> 00:11:47,499 [ Rock music playing ]
- 00:11:52,129 --> 00:11:54,464 [ Knock on door ]
- 00:11:54,589 --> 00:11:56,800 [ Guns cocking ]
- 00:11:56,925 --> 00:11:59,761 Uh, police. Open up.
- 00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:01,763 Oh, crap. Did you guys do your math homework?
- 00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:03,265 Oh, dude. I totally spaced it.
- 00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:04,516 [ Gunfire ]
- 00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:06,143 You die, pigs!
- 00:12:06,268 --> 00:12:07,853 [ Gunfire, glass breaking ]
- 00:12:07,978 --> 00:12:09,730 You want to die, huh?!
- 00:12:10,939 --> 00:12:13,483 [ Screaming ]
- 00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:16,194 [ Music continues ]
- 00:12:16,319 --> 00:12:18,196 [ Tires screech ]
- 00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:20,407 You won't take us alive!
- 00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:25,162 [ Horn blaring ]
- 00:12:26,580 --> 00:12:29,166 [ Screaming ]
- 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,877 So long, coppers.
- 00:12:32,002 --> 00:12:33,879 [ Engine sputtering ] - Oh, shit!
- 00:12:34,004 --> 00:12:36,214 [ Screaming ]
- 00:12:39,551 --> 00:12:42,053 [ Siren wailing in distance ] Damn.
- 00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:46,057 One UPS vehicle valued at $25,000,
- 00:12:46,183 --> 00:12:48,310 one civilian vehicle worth $16,000,
- 00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:49,853 the second floor of the post office,
- 00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:52,606 and a coffee shop valued at $60,000.
- 00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:54,858 The mayor's gonna have my ass!
- 00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:57,068 Uh, sir, we just got kind of blindsided by the --
- 00:12:57,194 --> 00:12:58,278 You got careless!
- 00:12:58,403 --> 00:12:59,988 Now, I don't know how they do things
- 00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:02,657 down at that dog-and-pony show they call the fourth grade,
- 00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:03,992 but here we have rules.
- 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:06,161 Jesus, we don't even have guys to question now
- 00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:07,537 because you killed them all!
- 00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:08,789 We're sorry.
- 00:13:08,914 --> 00:13:11,082 One more slipup like that, and I'll have your badges.
- 00:13:11,208 --> 00:13:13,835 You hear me? Now, hit the showers.
- 00:13:14,795 --> 00:13:17,881 Well, well, well. If it isn't the super cops.
- 00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:19,382 [ Men snickering ]
- 00:13:19,508 --> 00:13:22,219 Hey, Murphy, think they'll let me borrow their G.I. Joes?
- 00:13:22,344 --> 00:13:23,720 [ Laughter ]
- 00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:25,347 Come on, you guys. Leave 'em alone.
- 00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:28,350 Relax, Hopkins. All fun and games, right?
- 00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:29,851 So, tell us, rookies,
- 00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:32,854 you, uh, find yourself a little bonus in that house?
- 00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:33,939 A bonus?
- 00:13:34,064 --> 00:13:36,483 Come on. We all skim a little off the top.
- 00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:39,861 Oh. Or are you too good for that?
- 00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,321 You think you're gonna waltz in here
- 00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:42,781 and clean up the system, is that it?
- 00:13:42,906 --> 00:13:44,866 We just want to be Junior Detectives.
- 00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:46,117 Look, we all work hard.
- 00:13:46,243 --> 00:13:48,662 And we deserve more than the $30,000 a year we get paid.
- 00:13:48,787 --> 00:13:50,705 So what if we take in a little on the side?
- 00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:52,707 Yeah. Who the hell are you to change that?
- 00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:54,334 I said back off, Murphy.
- 00:13:54,459 --> 00:13:56,253 Why don't you and your rookie friends make us?
- 00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:57,712 That's right! Come on! - Yeah, that's right.
- 00:13:57,838 --> 00:13:59,130 Bring it! - Let's go. Come on! Bring it!
- 00:13:59,256 --> 00:14:00,799 What the hell is the problem here?!
- 00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:02,217 No problem, sir.
- 00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,010 No problem at all.
- 00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:07,097 Then hit the showers, all of you.
- 00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:10,851 [ Farts ]
- 00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:13,979 Dude, I don't want to play detective anymore.
- 00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:15,897 Me neither. - It'll get better, you guys.
- 00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:17,274 Better how, dude?
- 00:14:17,399 --> 00:14:19,943 Look, we wanted to form a club to protect and serve South Park.
- 00:14:20,068 --> 00:14:21,152 We put all this time into it.
- 00:14:21,278 --> 00:14:22,654 What do you guys want to do, huh?
- 00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:24,906 Go back to playing car mechanics or laundromat owners?
- 00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:26,616 We were happy playing laundromat owners.
- 00:14:26,741 --> 00:14:27,534 I wasn't.
- 00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:28,577 We started playing detective
- 00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:30,287 because we wanted our playtime to mean something.
- 00:14:30,412 --> 00:14:31,955 Or have you forgotten why you joined the force?
- 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:33,748 Hey, Broflovski's a good cop.
- 00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:36,001 You guys can go back to playing laundromat owners if you want,
- 00:14:36,126 --> 00:14:37,919 but I'm not gonna give those kids playing the FBI
- 00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:39,337 a chance to laugh at us.
- 00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:41,673 I'll see you guys at school tomorrow.
- 00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:49,598 [ Groans ]
- 00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:52,183 Eric, where have you been? It's 10:30.
- 00:14:52,309 --> 00:14:54,144 We had to take down a meth lab on Mala Vista.
- 00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:55,645 Well, you should have called Mommy.
- 00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:56,855 Will you get off my back?!
- 00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:58,189 It's hard enough I got to work the beat.
- 00:14:58,315 --> 00:15:00,275 Then I got to come home to your nagging?
- 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,152 [ Sighs ] Look. Look. I-I'm sorry.
- 00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:04,779 It's just this case and the guys down at the station --
- 00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:06,823 I'm tired, all right? I'm tired.
- 00:15:06,948 --> 00:15:09,242 Well, why don't you get ready for snoogums' night-night,
- 00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:12,078 and I'll bring you some toasty chocolate nummers?
- 00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:13,830 Okay.
- 00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:19,002 BUTTERS: Oh! Ow.
- 00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:20,670 - Butters? - Yes?
- 00:15:20,795 --> 00:15:22,756 Are you still trying to give a semen sample?
- 00:15:22,881 --> 00:15:25,258 I'm trying, but nothing's coming out.
- 00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:27,218 Well, keep trying, Butters.
- 00:15:27,344 --> 00:15:28,762 Okay.
- 00:15:28,887 --> 00:15:31,306 Ow. Ow!
- 00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:35,101 And so you can see, children,
- 00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:37,479 that the women's movement of the late '50s and early '60s
- 00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:41,024 had a profound effect on feminism in America -- Uh, boys?
- 00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:44,736 Would it trouble you terribly not to sleep in my class?!
- 00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:46,738 Oh, we weren't sleeping, Mr. Garrison.
- 00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:48,740 Oh, well, then maybe you can tell me who was in charge
- 00:15:48,865 --> 00:15:50,992 of the feminist movement of the early '60s.
- 00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:53,745 A bunch of fat old skanks on their periods?
- 00:15:54,329 --> 00:15:57,707 Right, but who was the fattest, oldest skank on her period?
- 00:15:59,501 --> 00:16:01,962 That's what I thought. Now, pay attention!
- 00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:03,922 Okay, children, now the biggest skank of all
- 00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:05,423 was an old fat ass by the name of --
- 00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:07,467 Marsh! Broflovski! McCormick! Cartman!
- 00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:09,844 In my office!
- 00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:11,221 [All groan ]
- 00:16:12,389 --> 00:16:14,307 Looks like that meth lab you took down
- 00:16:14,432 --> 00:16:15,850 was just the tip of the iceberg.
- 00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:17,477 They found a paper trail leading all the way
- 00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:19,938 to the biggest crime syndicate in Colorado.
- 00:16:20,063 --> 00:16:20,772 Uh-oh.
- 00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:22,440 The operators apparently run their business
- 00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:24,526 out of a sleazy strip joint down in Englewood.
- 00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:28,238 They're all cop killers, so I'm sending you in undercover.
- 00:16:28,363 --> 00:16:30,782 Uh, sir, I have a lot of homework to do tonight,
- 00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:32,033 and I was -- - What?!
- 00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:32,993 Now, you listen to me.
- 00:16:33,118 --> 00:16:34,577 I'm giving you one last chance.
- 00:16:34,703 --> 00:16:37,205 You're good cops, but you let your emotions get in the way.
- 00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:40,542 And your little shoot-first, ask-questions-later technique
- 00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,043 has no place in this century!
- 00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:44,129 Now, you get down to that strip joint,
- 00:16:44,254 --> 00:16:46,297 and you do it by the books, you got it?!
- 00:16:46,423 --> 00:16:49,009 The mayor is -- my ass -- Blah blah blah!
- 00:16:49,134 --> 00:16:52,470 [ Indistinct conversations, telephone ringing ]
- 00:16:53,430 --> 00:16:56,641 So, what did you boys have to say to the lieutenant?
- 00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:58,601 Nothing. He just told us a bunch of stuff.
- 00:16:58,727 --> 00:17:01,104 Maybe you decided you needed to tell him about our...
- 00:17:01,229 --> 00:17:02,188 bonus money.
- 00:17:02,313 --> 00:17:03,523 No.
- 00:17:05,150 --> 00:17:06,693 They're lying.
- 00:17:06,818 --> 00:17:08,653 They're dead.
- 00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:12,198 [ Rock music playing ]
- 00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:20,331 Dude, if my mom knew I was in here,
- 00:17:20,457 --> 00:17:22,709 I would be in super-big trouble.
- 00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:25,295 Mrph rmh!
- 00:17:25,420 --> 00:17:27,255 [ Music continues ]
- 00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:29,966 [ Deep voice ] Would you like a dance?
- 00:17:30,091 --> 00:17:30,884 No, thanks.
- 00:17:31,009 --> 00:17:33,595 Dance? Anyone like a dance?
- 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,180 All right, guys. put your hands together.
- 00:17:35,305 --> 00:17:36,264 Be sure to tip the dancers.
- 00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,516 All right. Now let's hear it for Candy.
- 00:17:38,641 --> 00:17:41,019 Whoa. Whoa. What the hell are you kids doing in here?
- 00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:43,438 This isn't an appropriate place for children.
- 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:44,814 Dance?
- 00:17:44,939 --> 00:17:46,775 Anyone like a dance?
- 00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:48,735 Uh, it's okay. We know the owner.
- 00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:50,779 Oh, really? Let's go see.
- 00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:53,990 We'll have to start having the McCormicks make our meth again.
- 00:17:54,115 --> 00:17:56,201 Hey, Gino, these kids say they know you.
- 00:17:56,326 --> 00:17:58,453 What? I don't know no kids.
- 00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,955 I didn't think so. All right, you kids.
- 00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:01,956 Hey, wait a minute.
- 00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:03,458 These kids might be just what we need
- 00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:05,627 to get our drugs past the security at D.I.A.
- 00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,629 how would you like to join our family?
- 00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:10,548 Yo, Gino, I know I seen these kids before, man.
- 00:18:10,673 --> 00:18:12,550 These kids are five-o. - What?
- 00:18:12,675 --> 00:18:14,177 These kids are cops, man!
- 00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:15,845 [ Gunfire ]
- 00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:17,472 Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
- 00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,142 Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! - Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
- 00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:24,395 Mrph rmh. Mrph rmh.
- 00:18:24,521 --> 00:18:26,356 Kenny, it doesn't go "peekew-peekew."
- 00:18:26,481 --> 00:18:27,982 It goes "Bang! Bang! Bang!"
- 00:18:28,108 --> 00:18:30,819 [ Sirens wailing ]
- 00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:32,821 [ Rock music playing ]
- 00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:34,280 God damn it!
- 00:18:34,405 --> 00:18:37,617 Those Junior Detectives and their heroically reckless ways.
- 00:18:37,742 --> 00:18:39,661 Murphy, Jenkins, Hopkins, get in there!
- 00:18:41,162 --> 00:18:43,289 [ Gunfire, crowd screaming ]
- 00:18:43,414 --> 00:18:45,166 Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
- 00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:50,797 Da-a-a-nce?! Anybody like a da-a-a-a-nce?
- 00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:53,299 Freeze! South Park detectives!
- 00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:57,470 Great job, boys. You found the meth boss.
- 00:18:58,054 --> 00:19:00,723 Detective Murphy. Jenkins. What the hell are you doing?
- 00:19:00,849 --> 00:19:02,308 We had a deal!
- 00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:04,060 A deal?
- 00:19:04,185 --> 00:19:06,688 That's right. We're partners in the drug business.
- 00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:09,816 Everything was fine until these super cops joined the force.
- 00:19:11,025 --> 00:19:12,485 Now we got to kill you all.
- 00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:13,486 Boys! Down!
- 00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:16,156 [ Gunfire ]
- 00:19:16,281 --> 00:19:18,158 [ Rock music playing ]
- 00:19:19,784 --> 00:19:20,994 All right, guys. Put your hands together.
- 00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:22,245 Lot of shootin' and killin' going on.
- 00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:23,413 But be sure to tip your waitress.
- 00:19:23,538 --> 00:19:25,665 Let's hear it for Rebecca.
- 00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:26,875 [ Music continues ]
- 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:30,879 Christ! Those Junior Detectives have no regard for the law.
- 00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:32,755 [ Tires screeching, indistinct shouting ]
- 00:19:32,881 --> 00:19:35,592 Get me a hard line to the phone. And I want choppers on the roof!
- 00:19:35,717 --> 00:19:37,093 Who the hell are you?
- 00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:38,803 Agent Fields, FBI.
- 00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:40,889 Hey, I'm in charge of this investigation.
- 00:19:41,014 --> 00:19:42,891 Not anymore you're not.
- 00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:45,059 But that's not fair!
- 00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:47,187 Is so! Is so!
- 00:19:47,312 --> 00:19:48,938 [ Gunfire ]
- 00:19:49,063 --> 00:19:50,815 [ Music continues ]
- 00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:52,942 Aah!
- 00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:54,777 Sorry, Detective Hopkins.
- 00:19:54,903 --> 00:19:57,780 We can't let anybody know about our partnership.
- 00:19:57,906 --> 00:20:00,742 That's right. We split it all, 50-50!
- 00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:02,702 That's right.
- 00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:06,748 I think we'll take 100% now.
- 00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:07,874 Huh huh. Yeah.
- 00:20:07,999 --> 00:20:09,751 Sorry, Gino, but in business like this,
- 00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:11,878 sometimes partnerships need to end.
- 00:20:12,003 --> 00:20:14,589 That's right.
- 00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,966 Sometimes partnerships need to end.
- 00:20:18,218 --> 00:20:19,177 Well, super cops,
- 00:20:19,302 --> 00:20:22,096 looks like I'll be taking in all the money now.
- 00:20:22,222 --> 00:20:23,514 I'm in business alone.
- 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:27,060 And that means that the only person that I can't trust...
- 00:20:27,185 --> 00:20:28,645 is myself.
- 00:20:28,770 --> 00:20:29,938 [ Groans ]
- 00:20:32,357 --> 00:20:35,485 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- 00:20:35,610 --> 00:20:38,279 Looks like Murphy and Jenkins got what they deserved.
- 00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:39,447 If it weren't for you boys,
- 00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,366 we would've never cleaned up the department.
- 00:20:41,491 --> 00:20:43,910 All right, detectives. Let's get one thing straight.
- 00:20:44,035 --> 00:20:45,995 I do not agree with your methods.
- 00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:48,456 You're uncontrolled and you're negligent!
- 00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:50,750 But, by God, you get the job done.
- 00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:52,168 Congratulations.
- 00:20:52,293 --> 00:20:53,378 Thanks.
- 00:20:53,503 --> 00:20:55,546 I'm probably gonna regret this, but, well,
- 00:20:55,672 --> 00:20:57,674 I'm promoting you to full detectives.
- 00:20:57,799 --> 00:20:58,967 There'll be lots more action
- 00:20:59,092 --> 00:21:01,177 and that big paycheck you've always wanted.
- 00:21:03,263 --> 00:21:05,723 I think I have a better idea.
- 00:21:06,474 --> 00:21:08,685 Hello, sir. Welcome to the Broflovski Laundromat.
- 00:21:08,810 --> 00:21:11,271 Yes. I have a suit I need dry-cleaned and pressed, please.
- 00:21:11,396 --> 00:21:12,522 Certainly.
- 00:21:12,647 --> 00:21:13,731 Here you are, Mr. McCormick.
- 00:21:13,856 --> 00:21:15,233 Your laundry is all done and folded.
- 00:21:15,358 --> 00:21:16,901 That will be $9.95.
- 00:21:17,026 --> 00:21:18,069 On your American Express.
- 00:21:18,194 --> 00:21:20,363 Fellas! Hey, fellas! I got it!
- 00:21:20,488 --> 00:21:22,407 - I-I got my semen sample! - You did?
- 00:21:22,532 --> 00:21:25,076 Yeah. I was up there pounding my wiener for two days straight.
- 00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:27,495 A-And finally I thought about Stan's mom's boobs,
- 00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:30,290 and this little tiny spooge of this white stuff came out.
- 00:21:30,415 --> 00:21:32,250 That's great, but we're not playing detective anymore.
- 00:21:32,375 --> 00:21:33,376 We're playing laundromat owners.
- 00:21:33,501 --> 00:21:35,253 Would you like those pants cleaned for $4.95?
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