Толстая задница и тупая башка

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♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

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♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

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♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

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♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

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♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

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♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

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Mrph rmhmhm rm!

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

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♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

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And in conclusion,

the Latino community

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has provided America

and indeed the entire world

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with innovations

that we would be lost without.

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And that is my presentation

on the role of Hispanics

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in American technology.

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Thank you.

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Okay.

Thank you, Kyle Broflovski.

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That was very good, Kyle.

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I think the Latino Endowment

Council was very happy

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with your presentation.

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Looks like you might win.

- Cool!

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All right, students,

members of the school board.

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Our last speaker will discuss

the important role

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of Latinos in the arts.

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Here is Eric Cartman.

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Eric Cartman?!

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Thank you.

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The Latino culture

has been very influential

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on the arts in America.

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But you don't have to ask me.

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You can ask my special guest,

Ms. Jennifer Lopez.

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Jennifer Lopez?

- No way.

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Ms. Lopez, come on out here.

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Hello!

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Oh, Jesus Christ.

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My name is Hennifer Hlopez.

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I eat tacos y burritos.

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Ms. Lopez, would you like to

talk about Latinos in the arts?

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Oh, sí, sí.

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But first I would like to

put on my pretty dress.

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Oh, you mean this one?

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Oh, sí, sí, sí.

I like it very much.

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There we go.

'S all right?

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'S all right.

- That's a very pretty dress.

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It better be.

I am Hennifer Hlopez!

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No, no, no.

You're Jennifer Lopez.

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Sí, sí.

Hennifer Hlopez.

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No, no. J--

- H--

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J--

- H--

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J--

- J--

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Jennifer Lopez.

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Hennifer Hlopez.

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Ms. Lopez, could you show

everyone your special example

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of Latino art?

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♪ Don't be fooled

by all my money ♪

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♪ I still like to eat tacos,

honey ♪

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♪ So crispy on the outside,

so super good and yummy ♪

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And that is my presentation

on Latinos in the arts.

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Thank you.

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Oh, man!

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A $20 gift certificate

at the mall!

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I can buy whatever I want!

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Cultural Diversity Day

kicks ass!

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It isn't fair.

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I spent weeks preparing

my speech on Latino culture.

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Hey, I spent weeks

preparing, too, Kyle.

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No, you didn't, asshole!

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What you did was totally stupid

and racist,

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and you only did it

to screw me over!

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Aw, I don't think Kyle

likes you, Ms. Lopez.

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Aw.

That makes me muy triste.

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Ms. Lopez, do you like Kyle?

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Oh, sí, sí.

Very much.

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Ms. Lopez, would you like

to give Kyle a kiss?

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Oh, sí, sí, sí.

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My kisses taste like tacos.

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Is nice?

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Very nice.

He's so handsome.

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Stop it!

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Hey, come on, guys!

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We can use part

of my gift certificate

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to buy food at the food court!

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Mrph rmh!

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Mmm! Tacos!

So yummy!

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Stop wasting the tacos

on your hand, Cartman.

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Hey, Ms. Lopez has to eat, too.

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She's not eating it. It's just

coming out her backside.

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When you eat a taco, it comes

out your backside, too, cholo.

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Look! Look!

Make your own music video!

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No, no, no.

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We're not going into one of

those cheesy places, Cartman.

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I agree.

Those places are stupid.

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It's not stupid!

I need to make music video!

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Look, we're not going in there,

so just --

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Wait. Why the hell am I

talking to your hand?

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Look, we're not going in there,

so just knock it off!

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Hey, I'm on your guys' side.

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Just wait one minute.

Let me see how much it is.

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God damn it.

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Welcome to Make Your Own Video.

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All set to rock 'n' roll?

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How much to make a video?

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Uh, well, it's $9.95

for a three-minute tape.

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Ha!

We're not paying $9.95.

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Oh, please!

Come on, guys!

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Cartman, will you stop

this gayness?

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All right. All right.

Here's $10.

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That's not what I meant!

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Just come over here and stand

in front of the green screen.

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What kind of song do you want?

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Something hot and spicy!

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Spicier.

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Spicier!

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♪ Burrito, taco, taco ♪

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♪ Burrito, taco, taco, taco ♪

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♪ Don't think just because

I got a lot of money ♪

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♪ I'll give you

taco-flavored kisses, honey ♪

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♪ Fulfill all your wishes

with my taco-flavored kisses ♪

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♪ Taco, taco, burrito, burrito ♪

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♪ Taco, taco ♪

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You know, I've seen a lot

of videos here at the mall,

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and that was by far the best!

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Oh, gracias, Michael.

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Hey, I've got a friend

who's interning

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at a big record label in L.A.

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I'll send a copy on to him,

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and maybe he'll get

the bigwigs to see it.

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Oh, gracias, Michael!

Gracias!

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Can we go now, please?

- Yeah. I want to leave.

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Stop it, Cartman!

- What?

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♪ Fulfill all your wishes

with my taco-flavored kisses ♪

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♪ Taco, taco ♪

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She's fantastic!

Who is she?

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Believe it or not,

her name is Jennifer Lopez.

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Well, that makes sense.

She reminds me of J-Lo.

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Yeah, but she's younger

and spicier!

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♪ Taco, taco, burrito, burrito ♪

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♪ Taco, taco ♪

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I don't think J-Lo

would like it very much

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if we signed this new girl.

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No.

You're right.

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We're gonna have to fire J-Lo.

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Hello?

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BHI Records?

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Oh, it's for you, Ms. Lopez.

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Oh, sí, sí, sí.

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Hello!

- What do they want?

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Just a second.

I'm trying to hear.

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'S all right?

- 'S all right.

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Yes, yes.

This is Ms. Hlopez.

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Uh-huh.

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What? What?

- Oh, my God!

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I can't believe it!

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Hello?

You still there?

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They want to sign me

to the record company!

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You want to sign Ms. Lopez?

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Oh, my God!

It's happening for me!

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Yes! Yes, we can record

an album next week!

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Sure, we can write 10 songs!

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We'll start tonight!

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We're gonna be rich!

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We're gonna be famous!

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Come on! We got to get to work

on some songs!

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There. That's three more songs

we've written already!

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Your style of music is so easy,

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it doesn't require

any thought at all!

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Oh, sí, sí, sí.

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Okay, Ms. Lopez.

Time to go to sleep.

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Oh, I'm so sleepy.

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Good night, Ms. Lopez.

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Tomorrow is gonna be

a great day.

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A great day tomorrow...

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tomorrow...

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Kyle, you were wrong!

We did get a record deal!

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You were wrong, Kyle!

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♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪

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♪ Ha-ha ha-ha ha-ha ♪

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♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪

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♪ Ha-ha ha-ha ha-ha ♪

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Awesome!

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Yes!

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Ahh...

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Ahh...

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Ms. Lopez!

- Jennifer! Right here!

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We love you, Jennifer!

Over here!

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We love you, Jennifer!

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Ahh...

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Ah, Ms. Lopez! Come on in.

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Yo, make it quick.

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I got a video shoot at 2:00

and a script reading at 5:00.

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Yes. Well, Ms. Lopez, we regret

to inform you that, uh,

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we're dropping you

from the label.

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What?!

Oh, no, you di'n't!

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We want to thank you for all

your hard work and..."talent."

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You can't drop me!

I'm Jennifer Lopez!

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How can you drop me?!

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W-Well, a very talented

younger singer

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has come to our attention.

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And -- And the truth

of the matter is,

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her name happens to be

Jennifer Lopez as well.

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And we really can't have two

here at BHI records.

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Who the hell is this

other Jennifer Lopez?!

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Where is she come from?!

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Well, she lives in South Park,

Colorado, now.

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But I-I believe she's originally

from Mexico, just like you.

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I don't come from no Mexico!

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I'm Puerto Rican!

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Whatever.

Look, it's nothing personal.

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We just think

you need to move on.

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And you're a meanspirited bitch

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who spits on people

who aren't rich and famous.

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And sources say that the

new film will star Ben Affleck.

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That's me.

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How'd it go, baby?

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Terrible, Ben!

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Some girl in Colorado

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is trying to become

the new Jennifer Lopez!

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Shut up!

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What?

Who could replace you?

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Yo, driver!

Stupid driver!

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Yes, ma'am.

Where to?

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Take me to South Park, Colorado!

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I'm gonna kill that bitch!

00:08:37,893 --> 00:08:39,561

Hey, everybody, listen up!

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I've got something to tell Kyle!

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What?

00:08:43,398 --> 00:08:45,108

♪ Ha-ha ha-ha ha-ha ♪

00:08:45,234 --> 00:08:46,777

♪ Ha-ha ha-ha ha-ha ♪

00:08:46,902 --> 00:08:48,445

♪ Ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha ♪

00:08:48,570 --> 00:08:50,906

♪ Ha-ha ha-ha ha-ha-ha ♪

00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,282

What are you gloating about?

00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:53,283

Oh, I'm not gloating.

00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:55,744

I just got a little call from

a record company in Los Angeles,

00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:58,247

and they want Ms. Lopez

to record an album next week.

00:08:58,372 --> 00:08:59,248

Really?

- Wow!

00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:00,666

- Really?

- No.

00:09:00,791 --> 00:09:03,377

Yeah. Looks like I'm gonna be

rich -- and famous.

00:09:03,502 --> 00:09:04,920

Okay, children.

Let's take our seats.

00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:06,088

If you'll remember yesterday,

00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:07,631

we were discussing

state capitals --

00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:11,343

Hey! A big limousine just pulled

up in front of the school!

00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:13,011

Butters, will you

pay attention, please?

00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:15,681

Holy smokes!

It's Jennifer Lopez!

00:09:15,806 --> 00:09:16,848

Jennifer Lopez?

00:09:16,974 --> 00:09:17,724

Yes?

00:09:17,849 --> 00:09:20,102

Holy geez wow!

There's Ben Affleck, too!

00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:21,019

Wow! Cool!

00:09:21,144 --> 00:09:22,145

Will you kids shut up?

00:09:22,271 --> 00:09:24,147

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck

are not --

00:09:24,273 --> 00:09:26,483

Oh, my God. That's

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck.

00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:30,988

Oh, Jesus.

Will you look at those boots?

00:09:31,113 --> 00:09:33,532

Well, what are we waiting for?!

Let's get outside!

00:09:33,657 --> 00:09:34,658

Whoo-hoo!

- Yeah!

00:09:36,118 --> 00:09:37,744

Is it true

Jennifer Lopez is here?

00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:39,413

Here she comes!

Here she comes!

00:09:39,538 --> 00:09:40,539

Okay!

00:09:40,664 --> 00:09:42,499

What smart-mouth

little punk-ass bitch

00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:45,711

has been saying they're

the new Jennifer Lopez, huh?!

00:09:45,836 --> 00:09:47,963

J-Lo, can we get a picture

of you with the kids?

00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,631

No!

Shut up!

00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:53,010

If I find the ho who think

she's taking my career from me,

00:09:53,135 --> 00:09:56,054

I'm gonna wring her

pretty little neck.

00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:58,724

So, nobody wants to fess up,

huh?

00:09:58,849 --> 00:09:59,975

Too scared to talk?

00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:03,186

You better remember, bitch,

that I'll come and take you down

00:10:03,312 --> 00:10:05,981

if you ever say anything again.

00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:10,360

You can suck my culo, chica!

00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:13,614

Who was that?!

00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:16,742

You got a problem?

00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:18,368

Not me!

- Then who?

00:10:21,079 --> 00:10:23,081

Hola, bitchola!

00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:24,958

What the hell is that?

00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:29,212

My name is Hennifer Hlopez,

and I like tacos and burritos.

00:10:29,338 --> 00:10:31,757

That?!

That's what replaced me?!

00:10:31,882 --> 00:10:32,924

I'm sure it was just a mistake.

00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:34,509

The only mistake was

when this ghetto trash

00:10:34,635 --> 00:10:35,886

got signed in the first place.

00:10:36,011 --> 00:10:37,054

Shut your Goddamn mouth!

00:10:37,179 --> 00:10:39,598

You fucking smart-ass!

Who do you think you are?

00:10:39,723 --> 00:10:42,100

Nobody!

- I am Hennifer Hlopez!

00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:43,894

I eat tacos and burritos!

00:10:44,019 --> 00:10:44,895

Fuck you!

00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:46,438

Aah!

00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:48,398

I'm sorry!

I-I'll stop! I'll stop!

00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:50,192

You better stop!

- I will!

00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:51,568

Come on, Jenny.

Let's go.

00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:53,111

Wow!

Ben Affleck!

00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:56,198

We should be getting

back to the...

00:11:07,542 --> 00:11:10,003

Don't you forget

what'll happen to you, ho!

00:11:10,128 --> 00:11:11,254

Come on, Benny!

00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:22,015

Well, there you go, fat ass.

I hope you learned your lesson.

00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:23,058

Yeah, I sure did.

00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,851

I don't think I should record

that album now.

00:11:24,976 --> 00:11:25,686

Good.

00:11:25,811 --> 00:11:27,521

Or maybe I should!

00:11:27,646 --> 00:11:28,730

Aw, God damn it.

00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:30,148

Oh, no, no, no, Ms. Lopez.

00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:31,650

Oh, sí, sí, sí, señor!

00:11:31,775 --> 00:11:32,693

That does it.

I'm out.

00:11:32,818 --> 00:11:34,736

Aw, where are you going, Kyle?

00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:36,613

Come give me kisses!

00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:40,951

All right, Ms. Lopez.

Let's take it from the top.

00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:44,121

♪ Baby, let's make a run

for the border ♪

00:11:44,246 --> 00:11:46,081

♪ I've got a hunger

only tacos can stop ♪

00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:47,666

♪ I know exactly

what I'll order ♪

00:11:47,791 --> 00:11:49,668

♪ Three tacos, two tostadas,

and a soda pop ♪

00:11:50,669 --> 00:11:53,714

Gentlemen,

we have ourselves a hit.

00:11:53,839 --> 00:11:55,549

♪ I need to make a run

for the border ♪

00:11:55,674 --> 00:11:57,509

♪ If you pay,

I'll take off my top ♪

00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,094

♪ Do you remember

what I want to order? ♪

00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:01,430

♪ Three tacos, two tostadas,

and a soda pop ♪

00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:05,183

♪ Yeah, and don't forget

the hot sauce, cholo ♪

00:12:08,562 --> 00:12:10,313

♪ Don't think

just because I got money ♪

00:12:10,439 --> 00:12:13,191

♪ I won't still give you

taco-flavored kisses, honey ♪

00:12:13,316 --> 00:12:15,444

♪ I'm gonna fulfill

all your sexy wishes ♪

00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:17,446

♪ Give you lots

of taco-flavored kisses ♪

00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:20,449

What the hell are you doing?

- I am practicing my dancing!

00:12:20,574 --> 00:12:22,409

Look, we spent all night

at the recording studio.

00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:23,535

Now it's time to sleep!

00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:24,619

Dancing!

- Sleep!

00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:25,287

Dancing!

00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:26,496

Sleep.

00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:27,873

Dancing.

00:12:27,998 --> 00:12:30,000

Mom!

00:12:30,125 --> 00:12:31,293

What's the matter, sweetie?

00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:34,254

Ms. Lopez won't go to sleep!

00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:40,969

Yes?

00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:43,305

Hey, I was wondering

if I could talk to Ms. Lopez.

00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,514

She's not here right now.

00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:46,558

Ben?

Is that my darling Ben?

00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:48,643

Jenny?

Yes, Jenny, I-it's me!

00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:49,686

Where are you?

00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:51,480

Please.

I have to see her!

00:12:53,315 --> 00:12:54,191

Ben!

00:12:54,316 --> 00:12:56,651

Oh, you brought me r-r-r-roses!

00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:57,694

Jenny...

00:12:57,819 --> 00:13:00,489

Oh, Jenny, I just can't stop

thinking about you.

00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:03,074

I can't stop thinking

about you either, Ben!

00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:04,951

I've been meaning to write

a song or poem,

00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:05,994

but I have no talent.

00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:08,163

I know, my darling.

That's okay.

00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,248

Will you just take a ride

with me in my awesome car?

00:13:10,373 --> 00:13:11,666

Oh, Ben, I would love to!

00:13:11,792 --> 00:13:12,667

No!

00:13:12,793 --> 00:13:14,169

Excuse me one second, Ben.

00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:15,545

Don't you ruin this opportunity

for me.

00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:16,588

How can you stand in the way

of this?

00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:17,589

I'm not going out in his car.

00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:18,799

I'm not gonna let you blow

this one chance I have.

00:13:18,924 --> 00:13:21,343

I don't care. I'm supposed to

sit here and do my homework.

00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:24,179

Fine, fine, fine!

00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,014

Okay, Ben.

Let's go!

00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:30,268

Oh, Ben.

I am so happy --

00:13:30,393 --> 00:13:33,355

the cool breeze blowing through

my hair in your sexy automobile.

00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,732

Let's spend the whole day

together!

00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:45,158

♪ Oh, Ben, you are so perfect ♪

00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:48,286

♪ So spectacular-r-r

in every way ♪

00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:51,414

♪ You bring light

into my life, Ben ♪

00:13:51,540 --> 00:13:55,460

♪ You almost make me forget

all about tacos ♪

00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:57,796

♪ Ooh, tacos,

so good in my tummy ♪

00:13:57,921 --> 00:14:00,298

♪ Yummy, yummy, gimme more ♪

00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:01,925

♪ I love you, Ben ♪

00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:07,180

♪ You almost make me forget

about tacos ♪

00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:09,182

Jenny, I have to tell you

something.

00:14:09,307 --> 00:14:11,351

I...I think I love you.

00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:13,728

Oh, I love you, too, Ben!

00:14:13,854 --> 00:14:15,355

But...

- But what?

00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,315

But what if you still have

feelings for the slut

00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:18,733

with the large ass?

00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:22,529

I still care for her.

Maybe I always will.

00:14:22,654 --> 00:14:25,156

But you just have

so much more going on...

00:14:25,282 --> 00:14:26,157

up here.

00:14:26,283 --> 00:14:28,827

Oh, Ben.

Ben...

00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:30,829

Jenny, can I kiss you?

00:14:30,954 --> 00:14:31,872

No!

00:14:31,997 --> 00:14:33,498

Yes! Oh, yes, Ben!

Kiss me!

00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:35,083

Aw, God damn it!

00:14:36,293 --> 00:14:38,962

Aw!

Aw, dude!

00:14:39,087 --> 00:14:41,047

Mmm.

Just like tacos.

00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:42,924

Taco-flavored kisses for my Ben.

00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:44,259

You're so hot, baby.

00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:45,594

I make you hot, Ben?

00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:47,095

Mmm, yeah.

00:14:49,264 --> 00:14:50,557

Oh, Jenny.

00:14:50,682 --> 00:14:51,641

Oh, Jenny.

00:14:51,766 --> 00:14:53,268

Ben.

00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:54,436

Oh, God!

Jenny!

00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:56,438

Oh, Ben, my darling.

00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:59,190

Oh! Sick!

Aw, that's it!

00:14:59,316 --> 00:15:01,192

We're leaving now!

- But I love her!

00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:02,319

Ben!

00:15:02,444 --> 00:15:04,237

Jenny!

Jenny, I'll call you!

00:15:04,362 --> 00:15:06,531

I love you, Ben!

00:15:09,326 --> 00:15:12,203

♪ Oh, baby, baby,

can I have your tacos? ♪

00:15:12,329 --> 00:15:13,747

♪ Those tacos sure look good ♪

00:15:13,872 --> 00:15:15,457

♪ I'm just Jenny from the hood ♪

00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:17,417

♪ Oh, can I have

your tacos, p-- ♪

00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:19,169

S-Stop! Stop!

00:15:19,294 --> 00:15:20,503

What the hell

is wrong with you?!

00:15:20,629 --> 00:15:22,547

You cholos can't even keep

a beat!

00:15:22,672 --> 00:15:25,592

I deserve better than this!

I am Hennifer Hlopez!

00:15:25,717 --> 00:15:27,010

Where is my water?!

00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:30,430

Not Evian!

Pellegrino, you stupid bitch!

00:15:30,555 --> 00:15:32,098

Uh, that's fine, Ms. Lopez.

00:15:32,223 --> 00:15:33,266

Look, it's been a long night.

00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:34,893

Why don't we pick it up

in the morning?

00:15:35,018 --> 00:15:37,812

Fine, my ass, cholo!

I'll tell you when it's fine!

00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:40,148

Stupid idiots!

00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,442

How am I supposed to make

an album with those cholos?

00:15:43,652 --> 00:15:46,237

You little snot nose!

00:15:46,363 --> 00:15:49,699

You ruin my career, and now

you're trying to steal my man?

00:15:49,824 --> 00:15:51,159

Oh, crap.

00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:52,827

You better stay away from him!

00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:54,287

Ow! Ow!

00:15:54,412 --> 00:15:56,164

Oh, Jesus!

Hey!

00:15:58,416 --> 00:16:00,669

Your son's hand

has a hairline fracture

00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:02,003

and two dislocated fingers.

00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:03,088

Oh, dear!

00:16:03,213 --> 00:16:05,256

But I'm more concerned

about his state of mind.

00:16:05,382 --> 00:16:08,009

Your son appears to be

completely insane.

00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:09,594

Ohh...

00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:10,971

Ohh...

00:16:11,096 --> 00:16:12,681

I told you this would happen.

00:16:12,806 --> 00:16:14,516

Oh, hello, guys.

00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:16,851

Cartman, you need to stop

this stupid game you're playing.

00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:19,104

Oh, Kyle, why you no like me?

00:16:19,229 --> 00:16:20,438

Kyle is right, Ms. Lopez.

00:16:20,563 --> 00:16:22,816

From now on, we're staying away

from Ben Affleck.

00:16:22,941 --> 00:16:24,192

I hate you.

00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:25,235

Come on, sweetie.

00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:28,071

Doctor says you need to get home

and get lots of rest.

00:16:34,703 --> 00:16:36,037

Aah!

00:16:37,038 --> 00:16:38,915

Mom!

00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:41,292

What is it, sweetie?

00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:43,670

Ben Affleck is naked in my bed!

00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:47,465

Ooh, looks like the tooth fairy

was extra happy with you!

00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:49,634

Buenos días, my love!

00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:51,553

Good morning, baby.

- You have to get out of here!

00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:53,430

Jennifer Lopez is gonna

kick my ass again!

00:16:53,555 --> 00:16:54,931

He's not going anywhere!

00:16:55,056 --> 00:16:57,100

Ben and I were up all night

making love!

00:16:57,225 --> 00:16:58,852

What? Aww!

00:16:58,977 --> 00:17:00,854

Ben Affleck's spooge!

00:17:00,979 --> 00:17:02,856

Should we tell him the news?

- What news?

00:17:02,981 --> 00:17:04,607

- think we should tell him.

- It's all right?

00:17:04,733 --> 00:17:05,859

'S all right.

- 'S all right.

00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:07,527

We're getting married!

00:17:07,652 --> 00:17:09,487

Oh, balls.

00:17:11,489 --> 00:17:12,866

Come in.

00:17:14,409 --> 00:17:16,453

Come in!

00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:19,372

Guys, I need to talk to you.

00:17:19,497 --> 00:17:21,541

What's the matter?

- I can't handle it anymore --

00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:23,293

all the fame

and the Ben Affleck spooge.

00:17:23,418 --> 00:17:25,795

I-I just can't go on living

with Ms. Lopez.

00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:27,756

So stop doing it.

- Stop doing what?

00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:29,674

You know Goddamn well what.

Now, get out of here!

00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:30,592

Please, you guys.

00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:33,887

It's like I can't even have

a moment to myself anymore. See?

00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,724

Don't you dare ever do that

to me again!

00:17:37,849 --> 00:17:39,851

Oh, stop it, Cartman! Your hand

doesn't need to breathe!

00:17:39,976 --> 00:17:41,811

You try being in an oven mitt

for two hours!

00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:43,063

I can see your lips moving!

00:17:43,188 --> 00:17:44,939

I can see your lips moving,

too, culo!

00:17:45,065 --> 00:17:46,357

See?

I just saw your lips move!

00:17:46,483 --> 00:17:48,026

Look, I'm just asking

you guys for help.

00:17:48,151 --> 00:17:49,944

Will you please help me

with Ms. Lopez?

00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:51,029

What's she doing?

00:17:51,154 --> 00:17:52,989

Come here!

00:17:53,114 --> 00:17:54,866

You're not actually buying

this crap, are you?

00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:56,451

I don't know.

M-Maybe he can't help it.

00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:58,328

Look, he knows full well

what he's doing.

00:17:58,453 --> 00:18:00,038

And he's just waiting for us

to buy into it.

00:18:00,163 --> 00:18:02,373

And then he'll laugh and point

in our faces and say, "Ha ha!

00:18:02,499 --> 00:18:05,085

I got you guys to believe me!

You guys are stupid!"

00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:06,836

You really think

he would go through all this

00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:08,338

just to make us look dumb?

00:18:08,463 --> 00:18:09,756

Yes, dude!

00:18:09,881 --> 00:18:12,008

Cartman, we've decided

that if you can be mature

00:18:12,133 --> 00:18:13,343

and admit to everyone

00:18:13,468 --> 00:18:15,929

that you've gotten yourself into

this mess, then we'll help you.

00:18:16,054 --> 00:18:17,138

Okay, okay.

00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:19,557

I know that I control everything

Ms. Lopez does.

00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:20,892

Oh, no, you don't!

00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:22,143

Quiet, Ms. Lopez!

00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:23,186

Out.

00:18:23,311 --> 00:18:24,395

Guys!

00:18:28,983 --> 00:18:31,069

There you are, Jenny!

00:18:31,194 --> 00:18:33,613

I've been looking

all over for you, baby!

00:18:33,738 --> 00:18:35,115

Aah!

00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:36,866

Jenny?

00:18:36,991 --> 00:18:39,410

Ms. Lopez, you were due

in the studio two hours ago.

00:18:39,536 --> 00:18:40,703

Come on!

00:18:43,331 --> 00:18:45,792

So you're getting married, huh?!

00:18:46,918 --> 00:18:48,670

Aah! Aah!

00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,213

Don't you hurt her!

00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:52,090

We'll sue you!

00:18:52,215 --> 00:18:53,216

Oh, Jesus.

00:18:56,261 --> 00:18:57,929

Aah!

00:19:00,431 --> 00:19:02,142

Freeze, leaf blower!

00:19:03,268 --> 00:19:04,352

Arrest that woman!

00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:06,312

She wants to kill

one of our artists!

00:19:06,437 --> 00:19:08,940

All right. You're going

downtown, bean breath.

00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:11,317

Jenny! Oh, I thought

I was going to lose you!

00:19:11,442 --> 00:19:13,153

Let's run away

and get married tonight!

00:19:13,278 --> 00:19:15,780

She can't get married tonight!

She has a recording session.

00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:17,657

Our love is like rain!

00:19:17,782 --> 00:19:19,659

That's what you said about me,

asshole!

00:19:19,784 --> 00:19:21,202

Quiet!

- Get her out of here!

00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:24,164

Fuck you!

- Shut up, picante pants!

00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:26,416

Everyone be quiet!

00:19:27,792 --> 00:19:30,461

I...I'm not who you think I am.

00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:31,963

You're not?

00:19:32,088 --> 00:19:34,299

No.

It was all a lie.

00:19:34,424 --> 00:19:36,551

A lie I cannot continue anymore.

00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,636

I am not Hennifer Hlopez.

00:19:38,761 --> 00:19:41,014

I am...

00:19:41,139 --> 00:19:43,349

Mitch Connor.

00:19:45,310 --> 00:19:46,603

Who's Mitch Connor?

00:19:46,728 --> 00:19:48,188

Just your run-of-the-mill

con man.

00:19:48,313 --> 00:19:49,856

I've been moving

from town to town,

00:19:49,981 --> 00:19:51,733

scamming people since I was 15.

00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:53,318

But I'm tired of runnin'.

00:19:53,443 --> 00:19:55,445

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

00:19:55,570 --> 00:19:56,988

I've been a cheat all my life,

00:19:57,113 --> 00:19:58,740

and now I've ruined

a singer's career,

00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:00,366

lost a record company millions,

00:20:00,491 --> 00:20:02,493

and cost this little boy

his precious time.

00:20:02,619 --> 00:20:03,828

Stop. It.

00:20:03,953 --> 00:20:05,413

Mostly, I'm sorry to you, Ben.

00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:08,041

I'm sorry I played tiddlywinks

with your heart.

00:20:11,085 --> 00:20:12,295

But it's over now.

00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:15,506

The cyanide pill I took should

be taking effect very soon.

00:20:15,632 --> 00:20:16,799

Hm.

00:20:16,925 --> 00:20:19,385

Looks like the sun

is going down.

00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:23,181

I wonder...will I dream?

00:20:30,688 --> 00:20:34,651

Well, looks like Mitch Connor

has cashed in his last chips.

00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:38,571

Dude, who the hell

is Mitch Connor?

00:20:38,696 --> 00:20:40,198

I don't know, Kyle, all right?

00:20:40,323 --> 00:20:42,116

Look, I don't care

what you guys believe.

00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:44,202

But with all the crazy stuff

that goes on in this town,

00:20:44,327 --> 00:20:46,329

isn't it possible --

just possible --

00:20:46,454 --> 00:20:49,040

that something I don't

understand happened here?

00:20:51,501 --> 00:20:53,920

All right. All right.

I guess it's possible.

00:20:54,045 --> 00:20:55,463

♪ Ha-ha ha-ha ha-ha ♪

00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:56,965

♪ I got you kinda! ♪

00:20:57,090 --> 00:20:58,716

♪ I got you kinda! ♪

00:21:00,885 --> 00:21:03,304

Okay, Ms. Lopez, over here

we have the topping station.

00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:05,848

This is where all your cheeses

and lettuce will go on.

00:21:05,974 --> 00:21:08,226

Ow!

Look out, muffin head!

00:21:08,351 --> 00:21:09,602

Uh, look, Ms. Lopez,

00:21:09,727 --> 00:21:12,313

if you're going to be a member

of the La Taco family,

00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:14,691

you're gonna have to learn

to get along with people.

00:21:14,816 --> 00:21:16,359

Get a what with who?!

00:21:16,484 --> 00:21:18,111

Why don't you start chopping

those onions,

00:21:18,236 --> 00:21:19,779

and I'll check on you

a little later?

00:21:22,740 --> 00:21:23,950

This is bullshit!

00:21:24,075 --> 00:21:26,869

How the fuck did I end up

working at a La Taco?

00:21:26,995 --> 00:21:28,579

I had six platinum records,

00:21:28,705 --> 00:21:31,374

and I starred in five

Hollywood movies!

00:21:32,583 --> 00:21:34,794

Yeah.

Me too.

00:21:34,919 --> 00:21:37,672

♪ Oh, Ben, you are so perfect ♪

00:21:37,797 --> 00:21:40,717

♪ So spectacular-r-r

in every way ♪

00:21:40,842 --> 00:21:43,761

♪ You bring light

into my life, Ben ♪

00:21:43,886 --> 00:21:48,057

♪ You almost make me forget

all about tacos ♪

00:21:48,182 --> 00:21:50,310

♪ Ooh, tacos,

so good in my tummy ♪

00:21:50,435 --> 00:21:52,520

♪ Yummy, yummy, gimme more ♪

00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:54,230

♪ I love you, Ben ♪

00:21:54,355 --> 00:21:59,527

♪ You almost make me forget

about tacos ♪

00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:13,806

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:15,599

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:18,602

♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,604

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:20,730 --> 00:00:22,023

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

00:00:22,148 --> 00:00:25,401

♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:28,529

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

00:00:28,654 --> 00:00:31,824

♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:39,540

And in conclusion,

the Latino community

00:00:39,665 --> 00:00:41,792

has provided America

and indeed the entire world

00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:43,669

with innovations

that we would be lost without.

00:00:43,794 --> 00:00:45,963

And that is my presentation

on the role of Hispanics

00:00:46,088 --> 00:00:47,298

in American technology.

00:00:47,423 --> 00:00:48,758

Thank you.

00:00:48,883 --> 00:00:50,342

[ Cheers and applause ]

00:00:50,468 --> 00:00:52,470

Okay.

Thank you, Kyle Broflovski.

00:00:52,595 --> 00:00:53,763

That was very good, Kyle.

00:00:53,888 --> 00:00:56,223

I think the Latino Endowment

Council was very happy

00:00:56,348 --> 00:00:57,349

with your presentation.

00:00:57,475 --> 00:00:59,226

Looks like you might win.

- Cool!

00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:01,312

All right, students,

members of the school board.

00:01:01,437 --> 00:01:03,522

Our last speaker will discuss

the important role

00:01:03,647 --> 00:01:05,441

of Latinos in the arts.

00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:07,193

Here is Eric Cartman.

00:01:07,318 --> 00:01:09,028

Eric Cartman?!

00:01:09,153 --> 00:01:10,863

[ Scattered applause ]

00:01:10,988 --> 00:01:11,655

Thank you.

00:01:11,781 --> 00:01:13,699

The Latino culture

has been very influential

00:01:13,824 --> 00:01:15,159

on the arts in America.

00:01:15,284 --> 00:01:17,036

But you don't have to ask me.

00:01:17,161 --> 00:01:19,997

You can ask my special guest,

Ms. Jennifer Lopez.

00:01:20,122 --> 00:01:21,832

Jennifer Lopez?

- No way.

00:01:21,957 --> 00:01:24,043

Ms. Lopez, come on out here.

00:01:24,168 --> 00:01:26,253

[ Spanish accent ]

Hello!

00:01:26,378 --> 00:01:27,505

Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:01:27,630 --> 00:01:29,673

My name is Hennifer Hlopez.

00:01:29,799 --> 00:01:31,342

I eat tacos y burritos.

00:01:31,467 --> 00:01:33,844

Ms. Lopez, would you like to

talk about Latinos in the arts?

00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:35,012

Oh, sí, sí.

00:01:35,137 --> 00:01:37,848

But first I would like to

put on my pretty dress.

00:01:37,973 --> 00:01:39,141

Oh, you mean this one?

00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:41,685

Oh, sí, sí, sí.

I like it very much.

00:01:41,811 --> 00:01:42,978

There we go.

'S all right?

00:01:43,104 --> 00:01:44,814

'S all right.

- That's a very pretty dress.

00:01:44,939 --> 00:01:46,941

It better be.

I am Hennifer Hlopez!

00:01:47,066 --> 00:01:49,360

No, no, no.

You're Jennifer Lopez.

00:01:49,485 --> 00:01:51,237

Sí, sí.

Hennifer Hlopez.

00:01:51,362 --> 00:01:52,822

No, no. J--

- H--

00:01:52,947 --> 00:01:53,864

J--

- H--

00:01:53,989 --> 00:01:55,032

J--

- J--

00:01:55,157 --> 00:01:56,158

Jennifer Lopez.

00:01:56,283 --> 00:01:57,535

Hennifer Hlopez.

00:01:57,660 --> 00:02:00,329

[ Laughter ]

00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:03,541

Ms. Lopez, could you show

everyone your special example

00:02:03,666 --> 00:02:04,959

of Latino art?

00:02:05,084 --> 00:02:06,669

♪ Don't be fooled

by all my money ♪

00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:08,546

♪ I still like to eat tacos,

honey ♪

00:02:08,671 --> 00:02:12,049

♪ So crispy on the outside,

so super good and yummy ♪

00:02:12,174 --> 00:02:15,386

And that is my presentation

on Latinos in the arts.

00:02:15,511 --> 00:02:16,387

Thank you.

00:02:16,512 --> 00:02:18,514

[ Cheers and applause ]

00:02:25,437 --> 00:02:26,313

Oh, man!

00:02:26,438 --> 00:02:28,566

A $20 gift certificate

at the mall!

00:02:28,691 --> 00:02:30,234

I can buy whatever I want!

00:02:30,359 --> 00:02:32,361

Cultural Diversity Day

kicks ass!

00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:33,362

It isn't fair.

00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:35,573

I spent weeks preparing

my speech on Latino culture.

00:02:35,698 --> 00:02:37,241

Hey, I spent weeks

preparing, too, Kyle.

00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:38,492

No, you didn't, asshole!

00:02:38,617 --> 00:02:40,411

What you did was totally stupid

and racist,

00:02:40,536 --> 00:02:42,163

and you only did it

to screw me over!

00:02:42,288 --> 00:02:44,623

Aw, I don't think Kyle

likes you, Ms. Lopez.

00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:46,750

Aw.

That makes me muy triste.

00:02:46,876 --> 00:02:48,377

Ms. Lopez, do you like Kyle?

00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:49,879

Oh, sí, sí.

Very much.

00:02:50,004 --> 00:02:51,922

Ms. Lopez, would you like

to give Kyle a kiss?

00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:53,632

Oh, sí, sí, sí.

00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:55,634

My kisses taste like tacos.

00:02:55,759 --> 00:02:56,927

[ Smooching ]

00:02:57,052 --> 00:02:57,928

Is nice?

00:02:58,053 --> 00:03:00,389

Very nice.

He's so handsome.

00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:01,974

[ Smooching ]

00:03:02,099 --> 00:03:02,975

Stop it!

00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:03,851

Hey, come on, guys!

00:03:03,976 --> 00:03:05,102

We can use part

of my gift certificate

00:03:05,227 --> 00:03:06,353

to buy food at the food court!

00:03:06,478 --> 00:03:07,313

Mrph rmh!

00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:11,901

Mmm! Tacos!

So yummy!

00:03:12,026 --> 00:03:13,903

Stop wasting the tacos

on your hand, Cartman.

00:03:14,028 --> 00:03:15,446

Hey, Ms. Lopez has to eat, too.

00:03:15,571 --> 00:03:17,740

She's not eating it. It's just

coming out her backside.

00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:20,618

When you eat a taco, it comes

out your backside, too, cholo.

00:03:20,743 --> 00:03:21,827

[ Giggling ]

00:03:21,952 --> 00:03:23,871

Look! Look!

Make your own music video!

00:03:23,996 --> 00:03:24,872

No, no, no.

00:03:24,997 --> 00:03:26,790

We're not going into one of

those cheesy places, Cartman.

00:03:26,916 --> 00:03:28,459

I agree.

Those places are stupid.

00:03:28,584 --> 00:03:31,212

It's not stupid!

I need to make music video!

00:03:31,337 --> 00:03:32,880

Look, we're not going in there,

so just --

00:03:33,005 --> 00:03:34,381

Wait. Why the hell am I

talking to your hand?

00:03:34,506 --> 00:03:35,966

Look, we're not going in there,

so just knock it off!

00:03:36,091 --> 00:03:37,301

Hey, I'm on your guys' side.

00:03:37,426 --> 00:03:39,428

Just wait one minute.

Let me see how much it is.

00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:41,805

God damn it.

00:03:41,931 --> 00:03:43,515

Welcome to Make Your Own Video.

00:03:43,641 --> 00:03:44,808

All set to rock 'n' roll?

00:03:44,934 --> 00:03:46,477

How much to make a video?

00:03:46,602 --> 00:03:49,480

Uh, well, it's $9.95

for a three-minute tape.

00:03:49,605 --> 00:03:51,398

Ha!

We're not paying $9.95.

00:03:51,523 --> 00:03:53,275

Oh, please!

Come on, guys!

00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:54,944

Cartman, will you stop

this gayness?

00:03:55,069 --> 00:03:56,570

All right. All right.

Here's $10.

00:03:56,695 --> 00:03:58,113

That's not what I meant!

00:03:58,239 --> 00:04:01,533

Just come over here and stand

in front of the green screen.

00:04:01,659 --> 00:04:03,035

What kind of song do you want?

00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:05,120

Something hot and spicy!

00:04:05,246 --> 00:04:06,830

[ Rockabilly music plays ]

00:04:06,956 --> 00:04:08,290

Spicier.

00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:09,833

[ Bossa nova plays ]

00:04:09,959 --> 00:04:11,168

Spicier!

00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:13,170

[ Salsa music plays ]

00:04:13,295 --> 00:04:15,297

♪ Burrito, taco, taco ♪

00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:17,007

♪ Burrito, taco, taco, taco ♪

00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:18,926

♪ Don't think just because

I got a lot of money ♪

00:04:19,051 --> 00:04:21,220

♪ I'll give you

taco-flavored kisses, honey ♪

00:04:21,345 --> 00:04:25,182

♪ Fulfill all your wishes

with my taco-flavored kisses ♪

00:04:25,307 --> 00:04:26,976

♪ Taco, taco, burrito, burrito ♪

00:04:27,101 --> 00:04:28,269

♪ Taco, taco ♪

00:04:28,394 --> 00:04:30,312

You know, I've seen a lot

of videos here at the mall,

00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:31,814

and that was by far the best!

00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:33,857

Oh, gracias, Michael.

00:04:33,983 --> 00:04:35,484

Hey, I've got a friend

who's interning

00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,027

at a big record label in L.A.

00:04:37,152 --> 00:04:38,153

I'll send a copy on to him,

00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:39,989

and maybe he'll get

the bigwigs to see it.

00:04:40,114 --> 00:04:42,366

Oh, gracias, Michael!

Gracias!

00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:44,618

Can we go now, please?

- Yeah. I want to leave.

00:04:44,743 --> 00:04:46,161

Stop it, Cartman!

- What?

00:04:46,287 --> 00:04:48,038

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

00:04:48,163 --> 00:04:51,959

♪ Fulfill all your wishes

with my taco-flavored kisses ♪

00:04:52,084 --> 00:04:52,876

♪ Taco, taco ♪

00:04:53,002 --> 00:04:54,712

She's fantastic!

Who is she?

00:04:54,837 --> 00:04:57,423

Believe it or not,

her name is Jennifer Lopez.

00:04:57,548 --> 00:04:59,633

Well, that makes sense.

She reminds me of J-Lo.

00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:02,678

Yeah, but she's younger

and spicier!

00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:04,722

♪ Taco, taco, burrito, burrito ♪

00:05:04,847 --> 00:05:05,389

♪ Taco, taco ♪

00:05:05,514 --> 00:05:07,141

I don't think J-Lo

would like it very much

00:05:07,266 --> 00:05:08,475

if we signed this new girl.

00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:09,727

No.

You're right.

00:05:09,852 --> 00:05:13,439

We're gonna have to fire J-Lo.

00:05:15,316 --> 00:05:17,609

[ Telephone rings ]

00:05:17,735 --> 00:05:19,403

Hello?

00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:21,196

BHI Records?

00:05:22,448 --> 00:05:24,241

Oh, it's for you, Ms. Lopez.

00:05:24,366 --> 00:05:25,242

Oh, sí, sí, sí.

00:05:25,367 --> 00:05:26,785

Hello!

- What do they want?

00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:28,245

Just a second.

I'm trying to hear.

00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:29,246

'S all right?

- 'S all right.

00:05:29,371 --> 00:05:31,623

Yes, yes.

This is Ms. Hlopez.

00:05:31,749 --> 00:05:33,208

Uh-huh.

00:05:33,334 --> 00:05:35,753

[ Gasps, screams ]

00:05:35,878 --> 00:05:37,212

What? What?

- Oh, my God!

00:05:37,338 --> 00:05:38,255

I can't believe it!

00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:39,256

Hello?

You still there?

00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:41,717

They want to sign me

to the record company!

00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:42,926

You want to sign Ms. Lopez?

00:05:43,052 --> 00:05:44,428

Oh, my God!

It's happening for me!

00:05:44,553 --> 00:05:46,638

Yes! Yes, we can record

an album next week!

00:05:46,764 --> 00:05:48,307

Sure, we can write 10 songs!

00:05:48,432 --> 00:05:49,433

We'll start tonight!

00:05:50,059 --> 00:05:51,060

We're gonna be rich!

00:05:51,185 --> 00:05:52,436

We're gonna be famous!

00:05:52,561 --> 00:05:54,396

Come on! We got to get to work

on some songs!

00:05:58,067 --> 00:06:00,569

There. That's three more songs

we've written already!

00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,237

Your style of music is so easy,

00:06:02,363 --> 00:06:04,198

it doesn't require

any thought at all!

00:06:04,323 --> 00:06:06,450

Oh, sí, sí, sí.

00:06:07,576 --> 00:06:10,079

Okay, Ms. Lopez.

Time to go to sleep.

00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:15,125

Oh, I'm so sleepy.

00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:16,293

Good night, Ms. Lopez.

00:06:16,418 --> 00:06:18,796

Tomorrow is gonna be

a great day.

00:06:18,921 --> 00:06:20,798

A great day tomorrow...

00:06:20,923 --> 00:06:23,634

tomorrow...

00:06:23,759 --> 00:06:27,137

Kyle, you were wrong!

We did get a record deal!

00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:28,972

You were wrong, Kyle!

00:06:29,098 --> 00:06:30,641

♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪

00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:32,434

♪ Ha-ha ha-ha ha-ha ♪

00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:33,769

[ Sobbing ]

00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,729

♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪

00:06:35,854 --> 00:06:37,731

♪ Ha-ha ha-ha ha-ha ♪

00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:40,484

Awesome!

00:06:40,609 --> 00:06:42,569

Yes!

00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:46,824

Ahh...

00:06:46,949 --> 00:06:48,784

Ahh...

00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:50,744

Ms. Lopez!

- Jennifer! Right here!

00:06:50,869 --> 00:06:52,246

We love you, Jennifer!

Over here!

00:06:52,371 --> 00:06:55,416

[ Salsa music playing,

crowd cheering ]

00:06:55,541 --> 00:06:57,876

We love you, Jennifer!

00:07:02,673 --> 00:07:04,842

Ahh...

00:07:06,969 --> 00:07:10,222

[ Door opens ]

- Ah, Ms. Lopez! Come on in.

00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:11,890

Yo, make it quick.

00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:15,185

I got a video shoot at 2:00

and a script reading at 5:00.

00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:19,189

Yes. Well, Ms. Lopez, we regret

to inform you that, uh,

00:07:19,314 --> 00:07:21,900

we're dropping you

from the label.

00:07:22,025 --> 00:07:24,528

What?!

Oh, no, you di'n't!

00:07:24,653 --> 00:07:28,699

We want to thank you for all

your hard work and..."talent."

00:07:28,824 --> 00:07:31,702

You can't drop me!

I'm Jennifer Lopez!

00:07:31,827 --> 00:07:33,412

How can you drop me?!

00:07:33,537 --> 00:07:35,706

W-Well, a very talented

younger singer

00:07:35,831 --> 00:07:37,040

has come to our attention.

00:07:37,166 --> 00:07:38,667

And -- And the truth

of the matter is,

00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:41,420

her name happens to be

Jennifer Lopez as well.

00:07:41,545 --> 00:07:44,756

And we really can't have two

here at BHI records.

00:07:44,882 --> 00:07:47,968

Who the hell is this

other Jennifer Lopez?!

00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:49,595

Where is she come from?!

00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:51,889

Well, she lives in South Park,

Colorado, now.

00:07:52,014 --> 00:07:54,850

But I-I believe she's originally

from Mexico, just like you.

00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,894

I don't come from no Mexico!

00:07:57,019 --> 00:07:58,228

I'm Puerto Rican!

00:07:58,353 --> 00:08:00,147

Whatever.

Look, it's nothing personal.

00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:01,899

We just think

you need to move on.

00:08:02,024 --> 00:08:03,400

And you're a meanspirited bitch

00:08:03,525 --> 00:08:05,527

who spits on people

who aren't rich and famous.

00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:09,031

And sources say that the

new film will star Ben Affleck.

00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:11,450

[ Chuckles ]

That's me.

00:08:11,575 --> 00:08:12,784

How'd it go, baby?

00:08:12,910 --> 00:08:13,952

Terrible, Ben!

00:08:14,077 --> 00:08:15,537

Some girl in Colorado

00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:17,706

is trying to become

the new Jennifer Lopez!

00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:18,707

[ Dog barks ]

00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,417

Shut up!

- [ Dog yelps ]

00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:22,753

What?

Who could replace you?

00:08:22,878 --> 00:08:25,506

Yo, driver!

Stupid driver!

00:08:25,631 --> 00:08:26,798

Yes, ma'am.

Where to?

00:08:26,924 --> 00:08:29,009

Take me to South Park, Colorado!

00:08:29,134 --> 00:08:31,637

I'm gonna kill that bitch!

00:08:33,972 --> 00:08:35,724

[ Bell rings ]

00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:37,768

[ Indistinct conversations ]

00:08:37,893 --> 00:08:39,561

Hey, everybody, listen up!

00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,647

I've got something to tell Kyle!

00:08:41,772 --> 00:08:43,273

What?

00:08:43,398 --> 00:08:45,108

♪ Ha-ha ha-ha ha-ha ♪

00:08:45,234 --> 00:08:46,777

♪ Ha-ha ha-ha ha-ha ♪

00:08:46,902 --> 00:08:48,445

♪ Ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha ♪

00:08:48,570 --> 00:08:50,906

♪ Ha-ha ha-ha ha-ha-ha ♪

00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,282

What are you gloating about?

00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:53,283

Oh, I'm not gloating.

00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:55,744

I just got a little call from

a record company in Los Angeles,

00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:58,247

and they want Ms. Lopez

to record an album next week.

00:08:58,372 --> 00:08:59,248

Really?

- Wow!

00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:00,666

- Really?

- No.

00:09:00,791 --> 00:09:03,377

Yeah. Looks like I'm gonna be

rich -- and famous.

00:09:03,502 --> 00:09:04,920

Okay, children.

Let's take our seats.

00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:06,088

If you'll remember yesterday,

00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:07,631

we were discussing

state capitals --

00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:11,343

Hey! A big limousine just pulled

up in front of the school!

00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:13,011

Butters, will you

pay attention, please?

00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:15,681

Holy smokes!

It's Jennifer Lopez!

00:09:15,806 --> 00:09:16,848

Jennifer Lopez?

00:09:16,974 --> 00:09:17,724

Yes?

00:09:17,849 --> 00:09:20,102

Holy geez wow!

There's Ben Affleck, too!

00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:21,019

Wow! Cool!

00:09:21,144 --> 00:09:22,145

Will you kids shut up?

00:09:22,271 --> 00:09:24,147

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck

are not --

00:09:24,273 --> 00:09:26,483

Oh, my God. That's

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck.

00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:28,068

[ Birds chirping ]

00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:30,988

Oh, Jesus.

Will you look at those boots?

00:09:31,113 --> 00:09:33,532

Well, what are we waiting for?!

Let's get outside!

00:09:33,657 --> 00:09:34,658

Whoo-hoo!

- Yeah!

00:09:36,118 --> 00:09:37,744

Is it true

Jennifer Lopez is here?

00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:39,413

Here she comes!

Here she comes!

00:09:39,538 --> 00:09:40,539

Okay!

00:09:40,664 --> 00:09:42,499

What smart-mouth

little punk-ass bitch

00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:45,711

has been saying they're

the new Jennifer Lopez, huh?!

00:09:45,836 --> 00:09:47,963

J-Lo, can we get a picture

of you with the kids?

00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,631

No!

Shut up!

00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:53,010

If I find the ho who think

she's taking my career from me,

00:09:53,135 --> 00:09:56,054

I'm gonna wring her

pretty little neck.

00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:58,724

So, nobody wants to fess up,

huh?

00:09:58,849 --> 00:09:59,975

Too scared to talk?

00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:03,186

You better remember, bitch,

that I'll come and take you down

00:10:03,312 --> 00:10:05,981

if you ever say anything again.

00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:10,360

You can suck my culo, chica!

00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:13,614

Who was that?!

00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:16,742

You got a problem?

00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:18,368

Not me!

- Then who?

00:10:21,079 --> 00:10:23,081

Hola, bitchola!

00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:24,958

What the hell is that?

00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:29,212

My name is Hennifer Hlopez,

and I like tacos and burritos.

00:10:29,338 --> 00:10:31,757

That?!

That's what replaced me?!

00:10:31,882 --> 00:10:32,924

I'm sure it was just a mistake.

00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:34,509

The only mistake was

when this ghetto trash

00:10:34,635 --> 00:10:35,886

got signed in the first place.

00:10:36,011 --> 00:10:37,054

Shut your Goddamn mouth!

00:10:37,179 --> 00:10:39,598

You fucking smart-ass!

Who do you think you are?

00:10:39,723 --> 00:10:42,100

Nobody!

- I am Hennifer Hlopez!

00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:43,894

I eat tacos and burritos!

00:10:44,019 --> 00:10:44,895

Fuck you!

00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:46,438

Aah!

00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:48,398

I'm sorry!

I-I'll stop! I'll stop!

00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:50,192

You better stop!

- I will!

00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:51,568

Come on, Jenny.

Let's go.

00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:53,111

Wow!

Ben Affleck!

00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:56,198

We should be getting

back to the...

00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:00,911

[ Harp plays ]

00:11:01,036 --> 00:11:04,289

[ Choir vocalizing ]

00:11:07,542 --> 00:11:10,003

Don't you forget

what'll happen to you, ho!

00:11:10,128 --> 00:11:11,254

Come on, Benny!

00:11:11,380 --> 00:11:13,799

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:22,015

Well, there you go, fat ass.

I hope you learned your lesson.

00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:23,058

Yeah, I sure did.

00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,851

I don't think I should record

that album now.

00:11:24,976 --> 00:11:25,686

Good.

00:11:25,811 --> 00:11:27,521

Or maybe I should!

00:11:27,646 --> 00:11:28,730

Aw, God damn it.

00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:30,148

Oh, no, no, no, Ms. Lopez.

00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:31,650

Oh, sí, sí, sí, señor!

00:11:31,775 --> 00:11:32,693

That does it.

I'm out.

00:11:32,818 --> 00:11:34,736

Aw, where are you going, Kyle?

00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:36,613

Come give me kisses!

00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:40,951

All right, Ms. Lopez.

Let's take it from the top.

00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:42,202

[ Salsa music plays ]

00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:44,121

♪ Baby, let's make a run

for the border ♪

00:11:44,246 --> 00:11:46,081

♪ I've got a hunger

only tacos can stop ♪

00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:47,666

♪ I know exactly

what I'll order ♪

00:11:47,791 --> 00:11:49,668

♪ Three tacos, two tostadas,

and a soda pop ♪

00:11:50,669 --> 00:11:53,714

Gentlemen,

we have ourselves a hit.

00:11:53,839 --> 00:11:55,549

♪ I need to make a run

for the border ♪

00:11:55,674 --> 00:11:57,509

♪ If you pay,

I'll take off my top ♪

00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,094

♪ Do you remember

what I want to order? ♪

00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:01,430

♪ Three tacos, two tostadas,

and a soda pop ♪

00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:05,183

♪ Yeah, and don't forget

the hot sauce, cholo ♪

00:12:05,308 --> 00:12:07,978

[ Insects chirping ]

00:12:08,562 --> 00:12:10,313

♪ Don't think

just because I got money ♪

00:12:10,439 --> 00:12:13,191

♪ I won't still give you

taco-flavored kisses, honey ♪

00:12:13,316 --> 00:12:15,444

♪ I'm gonna fulfill

all your sexy wishes ♪

00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:17,446

♪ Give you lots

of taco-flavored kisses ♪

00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:20,449

What the hell are you doing?

- I am practicing my dancing!

00:12:20,574 --> 00:12:22,409

Look, we spent all night

at the recording studio.

00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:23,535

Now it's time to sleep!

00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:24,619

Dancing!

- Sleep!

00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:25,287

Dancing!

00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:26,496

Sleep.

00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:27,873

Dancing.

00:12:27,998 --> 00:12:30,000

Mom!

00:12:30,125 --> 00:12:31,293

What's the matter, sweetie?

00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:34,254

Ms. Lopez won't go to sleep!

00:12:36,131 --> 00:12:38,800

[ Knock on door ]

00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:40,969

[ Yawning ]

Yes?

00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:43,305

Hey, I was wondering

if I could talk to Ms. Lopez.

00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,514

She's not here right now.

00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:46,558

Ben?

Is that my darling Ben?

00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:48,643

Jenny?

Yes, Jenny, I-it's me!

00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:49,686

Where are you?

00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:51,480

Please.

I have to see her!

00:12:51,605 --> 00:12:53,190

[ Sighs ]

00:12:53,315 --> 00:12:54,191

Ben!

00:12:54,316 --> 00:12:56,651

Oh, you brought me r-r-r-roses!

00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:57,694

Jenny...

00:12:57,819 --> 00:13:00,489

Oh, Jenny, I just can't stop

thinking about you.

00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:03,074

I can't stop thinking

about you either, Ben!

00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:04,951

I've been meaning to write

a song or poem,

00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:05,994

but I have no talent.

00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:08,163

I know, my darling.

That's okay.

00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,248

Will you just take a ride

with me in my awesome car?

00:13:10,373 --> 00:13:11,666

Oh, Ben, I would love to!

00:13:11,792 --> 00:13:12,667

No!

00:13:12,793 --> 00:13:14,169

Excuse me one second, Ben.

00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:15,545

Don't you ruin this opportunity

for me.

00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:16,588

How can you stand in the way

of this?

00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:17,589

I'm not going out in his car.

00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:18,799

I'm not gonna let you blow

this one chance I have.

00:13:18,924 --> 00:13:21,343

I don't care. I'm supposed to

sit here and do my homework.

00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,178

[ Both shouting indistinctly ]

00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:24,179

Fine, fine, fine!

00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,014

Okay, Ben.

Let's go!

00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:27,974

[ Engine revving ]

00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:30,268

Oh, Ben.

I am so happy --

00:13:30,393 --> 00:13:33,355

the cool breeze blowing through

my hair in your sexy automobile.

00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,732

Let's spend the whole day

together!

00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:39,277

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:45,158

♪ Oh, Ben, you are so perfect ♪

00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:48,286

♪ So spectacular-r-r

in every way ♪

00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:51,414

♪ You bring light

into my life, Ben ♪

00:13:51,540 --> 00:13:55,460

♪ You almost make me forget

all about tacos ♪

00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:57,796

♪ Ooh, tacos,

so good in my tummy ♪

00:13:57,921 --> 00:14:00,298

♪ Yummy, yummy, gimme more ♪

00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:01,925

♪ I love you, Ben ♪

00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:07,180

♪ You almost make me forget

about tacos ♪

00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:09,182

Jenny, I have to tell you

something.

00:14:09,307 --> 00:14:11,351

I...I think I love you.

00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:13,728

Oh, I love you, too, Ben!

00:14:13,854 --> 00:14:15,355

But...

- But what?

00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,315

But what if you still have

feelings for the slut

00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:18,733

with the large ass?

00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:22,529

I still care for her.

Maybe I always will.

00:14:22,654 --> 00:14:25,156

But you just have

so much more going on...

00:14:25,282 --> 00:14:26,157

up here.

00:14:26,283 --> 00:14:28,827

Oh, Ben.

Ben...

00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:30,829

Jenny, can I kiss you?

00:14:30,954 --> 00:14:31,872

No!

00:14:31,997 --> 00:14:33,498

Yes! Oh, yes, Ben!

Kiss me!

00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:35,083

Aw, God damn it!

00:14:36,293 --> 00:14:38,962

Aw!

Aw, dude!

00:14:39,087 --> 00:14:41,047

Mmm.

Just like tacos.

00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:42,924

Taco-flavored kisses for my Ben.

00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:44,259

You're so hot, baby.

00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:45,594

I make you hot, Ben?

00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:47,095

Mmm, yeah.

00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:49,139

[ Slurping ]

00:14:49,264 --> 00:14:50,557

Oh, Jenny.

- [ Zipper opens ]

00:14:50,682 --> 00:14:51,641

Oh, Jenny.

00:14:51,766 --> 00:14:53,268

[ Slurping ]

Ben.

00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:54,436

Oh, God!

Jenny!

00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:56,438

[ Muffled ]

Oh, Ben, my darling.

00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:59,190

Oh! Sick!

Aw, that's it!

00:14:59,316 --> 00:15:01,192

We're leaving now!

- But I love her!

00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:02,319

Ben!

00:15:02,444 --> 00:15:04,237

Jenny!

Jenny, I'll call you!

00:15:04,362 --> 00:15:06,531

I love you, Ben!

00:15:07,866 --> 00:15:09,200

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

00:15:09,326 --> 00:15:12,203

♪ Oh, baby, baby,

can I have your tacos? ♪

00:15:12,329 --> 00:15:13,747

♪ Those tacos sure look good ♪

00:15:13,872 --> 00:15:15,457

♪ I'm just Jenny from the hood ♪

00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:17,417

♪ Oh, can I have

your tacos, p-- ♪

00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:19,169

- S-Stop! Stop!

- [ Music continues ]

00:15:19,294 --> 00:15:20,503

What the hell

is wrong with you?!

00:15:20,629 --> 00:15:22,547

You cholos can't even keep

a beat!

00:15:22,672 --> 00:15:25,592

I deserve better than this!

I am Hennifer Hlopez!

00:15:25,717 --> 00:15:27,010

Where is my water?!

00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:30,430

Not Evian!

Pellegrino, you stupid bitch!

00:15:30,555 --> 00:15:32,098

Uh, that's fine, Ms. Lopez.

00:15:32,223 --> 00:15:33,266

Look, it's been a long night.

00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:34,893

Why don't we pick it up

in the morning?

00:15:35,018 --> 00:15:37,812

Fine, my ass, cholo!

I'll tell you when it's fine!

00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:39,147

[ Insects chirping ]

00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:40,148

Stupid idiots!

00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,442

How am I supposed to make

an album with those cholos?

00:15:43,652 --> 00:15:46,237

You little snot nose!

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:15:46,363 --> 00:15:49,699

You ruin my career, and now

you're trying to steal my man?

00:15:49,824 --> 00:15:51,159

Oh, crap.

00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:52,827

You better stay away from him!

00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:54,287

Ow! Ow!

00:15:54,412 --> 00:15:56,164

Oh, Jesus!

Hey!

00:15:58,416 --> 00:16:00,669

Your son's hand

has a hairline fracture

00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:02,003

and two dislocated fingers.

00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:03,088

Oh, dear!

00:16:03,213 --> 00:16:05,256

But I'm more concerned

about his state of mind.

00:16:05,382 --> 00:16:08,009

Your son appears to be

completely insane.

00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:09,594

Ohh...

00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:10,971

Ohh...

00:16:11,096 --> 00:16:12,681

I told you this would happen.

00:16:12,806 --> 00:16:14,516

Oh, hello, guys.

00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:16,851

Cartman, you need to stop

this stupid game you're playing.

00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:19,104

Oh, Kyle, why you no like me?

00:16:19,229 --> 00:16:20,438

Kyle is right, Ms. Lopez.

00:16:20,563 --> 00:16:22,816

From now on, we're staying away

from Ben Affleck.

00:16:22,941 --> 00:16:24,192

I hate you.

00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:25,235

Come on, sweetie.

00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:28,071

Doctor says you need to get home

and get lots of rest.

00:16:28,196 --> 00:16:30,573

[ Rooster crowing ]

00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:34,577

[ Yawns ]

00:16:34,703 --> 00:16:36,037

Aah!

00:16:37,038 --> 00:16:38,915

Mom!

00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:41,292

What is it, sweetie?

00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:43,670

Ben Affleck is naked in my bed!

00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:47,465

Ooh, looks like the tooth fairy

was extra happy with you!

00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:49,634

Buenos días, my love!

00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:51,553

Good morning, baby.

- You have to get out of here!

00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:53,430

Jennifer Lopez is gonna

kick my ass again!

00:16:53,555 --> 00:16:54,931

He's not going anywhere!

00:16:55,056 --> 00:16:57,100

Ben and I were up all night

making love!

00:16:57,225 --> 00:16:58,852

What? Aww!

00:16:58,977 --> 00:17:00,854

Ben Affleck's spooge!

00:17:00,979 --> 00:17:02,856

Should we tell him the news?

- What news?

00:17:02,981 --> 00:17:04,607

- think we should tell him.

- It's all right?

00:17:04,733 --> 00:17:05,859

'S all right.

- 'S all right.

00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:07,527

We're getting married!

00:17:07,652 --> 00:17:09,487

Oh, balls.

00:17:10,488 --> 00:17:11,364

[ Doorbell rings ]

00:17:11,489 --> 00:17:12,866

Come in.

00:17:12,991 --> 00:17:14,284

[ Doorbell rings ]

00:17:14,409 --> 00:17:16,453

Come in!

[ Door opens, closes ]

00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:19,372

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

- Guys, I need to talk to you.

00:17:19,497 --> 00:17:21,541

What's the matter?

- I can't handle it anymore --

00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:23,293

all the fame

and the Ben Affleck spooge.

00:17:23,418 --> 00:17:25,795

I-I just can't go on living

with Ms. Lopez.

00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:27,756

So stop doing it.

- Stop doing what?

00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:29,674

You know Goddamn well what.

Now, get out of here!

00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:30,592

Please, you guys.

00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:33,887

It's like I can't even have

a moment to myself anymore. See?

00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:35,263

[ Coughing ]

00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,724

Don't you dare ever do that

to me again!

00:17:37,849 --> 00:17:39,851

Oh, stop it, Cartman! Your hand

doesn't need to breathe!

00:17:39,976 --> 00:17:41,811

You try being in an oven mitt

for two hours!

00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:43,063

I can see your lips moving!

00:17:43,188 --> 00:17:44,939

I can see your lips moving,

too, culo!

00:17:45,065 --> 00:17:46,357

See?

I just saw your lips move!

00:17:46,483 --> 00:17:48,026

Look, I'm just asking

you guys for help.

00:17:48,151 --> 00:17:49,944

Will you please help me

with Ms. Lopez?

00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:51,029

What's she doing?

00:17:51,154 --> 00:17:52,989

Come here!

00:17:53,114 --> 00:17:54,866

You're not actually buying

this crap, are you?

00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:56,451

I don't know.

M-Maybe he can't help it.

00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:58,328

Look, he knows full well

what he's doing.

00:17:58,453 --> 00:18:00,038

And he's just waiting for us

to buy into it.

00:18:00,163 --> 00:18:02,373

And then he'll laugh and point

in our faces and say, "Ha ha!

00:18:02,499 --> 00:18:05,085

I got you guys to believe me!

You guys are stupid!"

00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:06,836

You really think

he would go through all this

00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:08,338

just to make us look dumb?

00:18:08,463 --> 00:18:09,756

Yes, dude!

00:18:09,881 --> 00:18:12,008

Cartman, we've decided

that if you can be mature

00:18:12,133 --> 00:18:13,343

and admit to everyone

00:18:13,468 --> 00:18:15,929

that you've gotten yourself into

this mess, then we'll help you.

00:18:16,054 --> 00:18:17,138

Okay, okay.

00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:19,557

I know that I control everything

Ms. Lopez does.

00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:20,892

Oh, no, you don't!

00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:22,143

Quiet, Ms. Lopez!

00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:23,186

Out.

00:18:23,311 --> 00:18:24,395

Guys!

00:18:24,521 --> 00:18:25,688

[ Gasping ]

00:18:25,814 --> 00:18:28,858

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:18:28,983 --> 00:18:31,069

There you are, Jenny!

00:18:31,194 --> 00:18:33,613

I've been looking

all over for you, baby!

00:18:33,738 --> 00:18:35,115

Aah!

00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:36,866

Jenny?

00:18:36,991 --> 00:18:39,410

Ms. Lopez, you were due

in the studio two hours ago.

00:18:39,536 --> 00:18:40,703

Come on!

00:18:41,746 --> 00:18:42,747

[ Gasps ]

00:18:43,331 --> 00:18:45,792

So you're getting married, huh?!

00:18:45,917 --> 00:18:46,793

[ Engine buzzes ]

00:18:46,918 --> 00:18:48,670

Aah! Aah!

00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,213

Don't you hurt her!

00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:52,090

We'll sue you!

00:18:52,215 --> 00:18:53,216

Oh, Jesus.

00:18:53,341 --> 00:18:56,136

[ Chain saw buzzing ]

00:18:56,261 --> 00:18:57,929

Aah!

- [ Siren wailing ]

00:18:58,054 --> 00:19:00,306

[ Tires screech ]

00:19:00,431 --> 00:19:02,142

Freeze, leaf blower!

00:19:03,268 --> 00:19:04,352

Arrest that woman!

00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:06,312

She wants to kill

one of our artists!

00:19:06,437 --> 00:19:08,940

All right. You're going

downtown, bean breath.

00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:11,317

Jenny! Oh, I thought

I was going to lose you!

00:19:11,442 --> 00:19:13,153

Let's run away

and get married tonight!

00:19:13,278 --> 00:19:15,780

She can't get married tonight!

She has a recording session.

00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:17,657

Our love is like rain!

00:19:17,782 --> 00:19:19,659

That's what you said about me,

asshole!

00:19:19,784 --> 00:19:21,202

Quiet!

- Get her out of here!

00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:24,164

Fuck you!

- Shut up, picante pants!

00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:26,416

Everyone be quiet!

00:19:27,792 --> 00:19:30,461

I...I'm not who you think I am.

00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:31,963

You're not?

00:19:32,088 --> 00:19:34,299

No.

It was all a lie.

00:19:34,424 --> 00:19:36,551

A lie I cannot continue anymore.

00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,636

I am not Hennifer Hlopez.

00:19:38,761 --> 00:19:41,014

I am...

00:19:41,139 --> 00:19:43,349

[ Deep voice ]

Mitch Connor.

00:19:43,474 --> 00:19:45,185

[All gasp ]

00:19:45,310 --> 00:19:46,603

Who's Mitch Connor?

00:19:46,728 --> 00:19:48,188

Just your run-of-the-mill

con man.

00:19:48,313 --> 00:19:49,856

I've been moving

from town to town,

00:19:49,981 --> 00:19:51,733

scamming people since I was 15.

00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:53,318

But I'm tired of runnin'.

00:19:53,443 --> 00:19:55,445

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

00:19:55,570 --> 00:19:56,988

I've been a cheat all my life,

00:19:57,113 --> 00:19:58,740

and now I've ruined

a singer's career,

00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:00,366

lost a record company millions,

00:20:00,491 --> 00:20:02,493

and cost this little boy

his precious time.

00:20:02,619 --> 00:20:03,828

Stop. It.

00:20:03,953 --> 00:20:05,413

Mostly, I'm sorry to you, Ben.

00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:08,041

I'm sorry I played tiddlywinks

with your heart.

00:20:08,166 --> 00:20:10,084

[ Sobs ]

00:20:11,085 --> 00:20:12,295

But it's over now.

00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:15,506

The cyanide pill I took should

be taking effect very soon.

00:20:15,632 --> 00:20:16,799

Hm.

00:20:16,925 --> 00:20:19,385

Looks like the sun

is going down.

00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:23,181

I wonder...will I dream?

00:20:25,016 --> 00:20:27,227

[ Wind whistling ]

00:20:27,352 --> 00:20:30,563

[ Sobs ]

00:20:30,688 --> 00:20:34,651

Well, looks like Mitch Connor

has cashed in his last chips.

00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:38,571

Dude, who the hell

is Mitch Connor?

00:20:38,696 --> 00:20:40,198

I don't know, Kyle, all right?

00:20:40,323 --> 00:20:42,116

Look, I don't care

what you guys believe.

00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:44,202

But with all the crazy stuff

that goes on in this town,

00:20:44,327 --> 00:20:46,329

isn't it possible --

just possible --

00:20:46,454 --> 00:20:49,040

that something I don't

understand happened here?

00:20:50,083 --> 00:20:51,376

[ Sighs ]

00:20:51,501 --> 00:20:53,920

All right. All right.

I guess it's possible.

00:20:54,045 --> 00:20:55,463

♪ Ha-ha ha-ha ha-ha ♪

00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:56,965

♪ I got you kinda! ♪

00:20:57,090 --> 00:20:58,716

♪ I got you kinda! ♪

00:21:00,885 --> 00:21:03,304

Okay, Ms. Lopez, over here

we have the topping station.

00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:05,848

This is where all your cheeses

and lettuce will go on.

00:21:05,974 --> 00:21:08,226

Ow!

Look out, muffin head!

00:21:08,351 --> 00:21:09,602

Uh, look, Ms. Lopez,

00:21:09,727 --> 00:21:12,313

if you're going to be a member

of the La Taco family,

00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:14,691

you're gonna have to learn

to get along with people.

00:21:14,816 --> 00:21:16,359

Get a what with who?!

00:21:16,484 --> 00:21:18,111

Why don't you start chopping

those onions,

00:21:18,236 --> 00:21:19,779

and I'll check on you

a little later?

00:21:22,740 --> 00:21:23,950

This is bullshit!

00:21:24,075 --> 00:21:26,869

How the fuck did I end up

working at a La Taco?

00:21:26,995 --> 00:21:28,579

I had six platinum records,

00:21:28,705 --> 00:21:31,374

and I starred in five

Hollywood movies!

00:21:32,583 --> 00:21:34,794

Yeah.

Me too.

00:21:34,919 --> 00:21:37,672

♪ Oh, Ben, you are so perfect ♪

00:21:37,797 --> 00:21:40,717

♪ So spectacular-r-r

in every way ♪

00:21:40,842 --> 00:21:43,761

♪ You bring light

into my life, Ben ♪

00:21:43,886 --> 00:21:48,057

♪ You almost make me forget

all about tacos ♪

00:21:48,182 --> 00:21:50,310

♪ Ooh, tacos,

so good in my tummy ♪

00:21:50,435 --> 00:21:52,520

♪ Yummy, yummy, gimme more ♪

00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:54,230

♪ I love you, Ben ♪

00:21:54,355 --> 00:21:59,527

♪ You almost make me forget

about tacos ♪