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Туалетная бумага
Toilet Paper
Сезон: 07Серия: 03
Описание
Кайла мучает совесть после того, как он с друзьями закидал туалетной бумагой дом учительницы. За расследование этого дела берётся офицер Барбреди.
Субтитры
- 00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:11,929 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:13,806 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:15,599 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:18,602 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,604 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:00:20,730 --> 00:00:22,023 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
- 00:00:22,148 --> 00:00:25,401 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:28,904 Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
- 00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:33,200 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:39,206 Okay. Good, children, good.
- 00:00:39,331 --> 00:00:41,125 Remember to feel the clay.
- 00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:42,793 Be one with the clay.
- 00:00:42,918 --> 00:00:43,919 Nice. Uh-huh.
- 00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:48,758 Put more clay on the balls.
- 00:00:48,883 --> 00:00:51,302 Boys! What is that?
- 00:00:51,427 --> 00:00:52,636 A reindeer?
- 00:00:52,762 --> 00:00:53,763 You know, I've had it!
- 00:00:53,888 --> 00:00:56,390 You four boys never take art class seriously!
- 00:00:56,515 --> 00:00:57,391 What a crime.
- 00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:00,436 You think art is not important?
- 00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,855 Well, art's just kind of... for gaywads.
- 00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:04,106 I love art class!
- 00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:05,107 See?
- 00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:06,942 Do you think this is funny?!
- 00:01:07,068 --> 00:01:10,029 Do you think this is funny, huh?!
- 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,451 Well, you four can just spend your afternoon
- 00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:17,620 after school here, making new pottery!
- 00:01:19,622 --> 00:01:20,664 You can't do that.
- 00:01:20,790 --> 00:01:22,416 I certainly can. I'm your teacher.
- 00:01:22,541 --> 00:01:25,127 You're an <i>art</i> teacher. - Make it two hours.
- 00:01:26,879 --> 00:01:28,756 Mrs. Dreible thinks she's so cool.
- 00:01:28,881 --> 00:01:30,341 How dare she talk to us like that?
- 00:01:30,466 --> 00:01:31,383 Mrph rmhmhm rm.
- 00:01:31,509 --> 00:01:33,302 We can't let her get away with this.
- 00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:35,721 I think tonight we need to do something drastic.
- 00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:36,680 Like what?
- 00:01:36,806 --> 00:01:38,599 Like find out where Mrs. Dreible lives
- 00:01:38,724 --> 00:01:42,728 and go over there and... T.P. her house.
- 00:01:43,562 --> 00:01:45,064 Mrph! - T.P. her house?
- 00:01:45,189 --> 00:01:47,191 Toilet paper. Cover her house in toilet paper.
- 00:01:47,316 --> 00:01:48,275 Oh.
- 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:50,027 What's the matter, Kyle? You chicken?
- 00:01:53,531 --> 00:01:55,533 Quiet, boys. This isn't playtime.
- 00:01:55,658 --> 00:01:56,909 You're being punished.
- 00:01:57,034 --> 00:01:59,954 Fine. But we'll have the last laugh tonight, art whore.
- 00:02:00,079 --> 00:02:02,498 Yeah. Payback time, you ugly skank.
- 00:02:08,671 --> 00:02:11,173 You think that's enough? - Should be fine.
- 00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:12,758 Don't you guys think this is a little suspicious?
- 00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:14,510 We should buy something else so it doesn't look obvious.
- 00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:15,219 Okay.
- 00:02:15,344 --> 00:02:18,180 Here we go -- pack of chewing gum.
- 00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:20,057 Hello, boys. Find everything you need?
- 00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:21,225 Yep. All set.
- 00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:23,519 Okay. Let's see here. Toilet paper.
- 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,771 Toilet paper. And toilet paper.
- 00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:28,440 Toilet paper. Toilet paper.
- 00:02:28,566 --> 00:02:30,234 So, what are you kids up to tonight?
- 00:02:30,359 --> 00:02:32,862 Oh, we're just gonna watch some TV, maybe play a board game.
- 00:02:32,987 --> 00:02:34,405 Nice, relaxing night at home, huh?
- 00:02:34,530 --> 00:02:36,198 Toilet paper. Toilet paper.
- 00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:37,408 And toilet paper.
- 00:02:37,533 --> 00:02:39,201 H-Hey.
- 00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:41,412 Now, you kids be careful with this chewing gum.
- 00:02:41,537 --> 00:02:43,038 Don't go sticking it under tables.
- 00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:43,914 Okay.
- 00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:45,457 Okay. Toilet paper.
- 00:02:45,583 --> 00:02:48,043 Toilet paper. Toilet paper.
- 00:02:48,169 --> 00:02:50,462 You know, son, I remember you coming in last week
- 00:02:50,588 --> 00:02:52,006 and buying this much toilet paper.
- 00:02:52,131 --> 00:02:53,424 Oh, yeah. That -- That's right.
- 00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:55,551 Toilet paper. Toilet paper.
- 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,344 You T.P.'d a house last week, Cartman?
- 00:02:57,469 --> 00:02:59,138 No. Last Thursday night was fajitas night.
- 00:02:59,263 --> 00:03:01,140 Oh. Ugh.
- 00:03:06,187 --> 00:03:07,354 Is this the right house?
- 00:03:07,479 --> 00:03:09,148 It's the right address. Wait. Look there.
- 00:03:09,273 --> 00:03:11,734 There's Mrs. Dreible. This is the place.
- 00:03:13,277 --> 00:03:14,945 Oh, wait, wait. There's kids inside.
- 00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:15,946 So?
- 00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:17,865 So I'm not T.P.'ing a house with kids inside it.
- 00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:19,200 Kyle, we all agreed to do this.
- 00:03:19,325 --> 00:03:20,993 We didn't say nothing about no kids, man.
- 00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:22,286 Kyle, you're being an asshole.
- 00:03:22,411 --> 00:03:24,788 Now let's do this thing and get out of here.
- 00:03:24,914 --> 00:03:26,957 Here's what I think of your art class, you Goddamn bitch!
- 00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:28,876 Mrph. Mrph rhrmprhm.
- 00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:54,902 Come on! Let's go!
- 00:03:56,028 --> 00:03:57,363 What have we done?
- 00:03:57,488 --> 00:03:59,114 Let's go, Kyle!
- 00:04:06,497 --> 00:04:09,333 We're -- We're in trouble. We're in so much trouble.
- 00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:11,460 Aw, man, that was so awesome!
- 00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:12,628 How can you say that?
- 00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,004 Did you see what we did to their house?
- 00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:15,714 It'll take them days to clean that up.
- 00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:16,423 Who cares?
- 00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:18,801 Well, you don't, because you're an uncaring asshole, Cartman.
- 00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:20,761 Me?
- 00:04:20,886 --> 00:04:23,514 There's toilet paper on your hands, too, Kyle.
- 00:04:23,639 --> 00:04:25,599 Cartman's right, Kyle.
- 00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:27,559 We're all in this together.
- 00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:30,854 No.
- 00:04:30,980 --> 00:04:32,147 No.
- 00:04:32,273 --> 00:04:34,191 No!
- 00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:38,112 Honey, what is it?
- 00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:40,698 Oh, Jesus, no! Our house!
- 00:04:40,823 --> 00:04:43,659 Mommy. Mommy. - Mommy. Mommy.
- 00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:47,162 Why? Why?
- 00:04:47,288 --> 00:04:50,207 Aah. Oh, God. Oh, God.
- 00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,713 Hey, did you guys hear what happened last night?
- 00:04:55,838 --> 00:04:58,007 Mrs. Dreible's house got covered with toilet paper.
- 00:04:58,132 --> 00:05:00,551 Yeah. They say it's gonna take three weeks to get it all down.
- 00:05:00,676 --> 00:05:03,387 Yeah. Well, old Mrs. Dreible probably had it coming to her.
- 00:05:03,512 --> 00:05:04,430 I don't know.
- 00:05:04,555 --> 00:05:06,974 I don't think anybody deserves that kind of brutality.
- 00:05:07,099 --> 00:05:09,184 Well, I understand the people who did it weren't caught,
- 00:05:09,310 --> 00:05:11,103 so looks like nobody will ever know the geniuses
- 00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:12,604 who masterminded that perfect crime.
- 00:05:14,148 --> 00:05:16,442 Okay, children, let's take our seats.
- 00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:18,068 Oh, uh, Stan, Kyle, Eric, and Kenny,
- 00:05:18,193 --> 00:05:20,029 the counselor wants to see you in his office, now.
- 00:05:20,154 --> 00:05:20,988 Damn.
- 00:05:21,113 --> 00:05:22,072 Oh, God.
- 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:24,616 How the hell did they find out
- 00:05:24,742 --> 00:05:26,076 it was us that T.P.'d that house?
- 00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:28,037 Will you relax, Kyle? They've got nothing on us.
- 00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:30,122 As long as we all stick to our story, we'll be fine.
- 00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:32,458 We'd better go over our story again so we don't screw it up.
- 00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:34,168 Okay, last night, all four of us
- 00:05:34,293 --> 00:05:36,253 were at the bowling alley until about 7:30,
- 00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:37,713 at which time we noticed Ally Sheedy,
- 00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:38,964 the goth chick from "The Breakfast Club,"
- 00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:39,965 was in the lane next to us,
- 00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:41,175 and we asked her for her autograph,
- 00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:43,010 but she didn't have a pen, so we followed her to her car,
- 00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:44,636 but on the way, we were accosted by five Scientologists
- 00:05:44,762 --> 00:05:46,055 who wanted to give us all personality tests,
- 00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:47,931 which were administered at the Scientology center in Denver
- 00:05:48,057 --> 00:05:48,766 until 10:45, at which time
- 00:05:48,891 --> 00:05:50,142 we accidentally boarded the wrong bus home
- 00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:52,227 and ended up in Rancho de Fritas Rojos, south of Castle Rock,
- 00:05:52,353 --> 00:05:53,604 and finally got a ride home with a man
- 00:05:53,729 --> 00:05:55,606 who was missing his left index finger, named Gary Bushwell,
- 00:05:55,731 --> 00:05:58,359 arriving home at 11:46.
- 00:05:58,484 --> 00:06:01,070 I'm confused. Did Ally Sheedy take the personality test?
- 00:06:01,195 --> 00:06:01,945 Yes, dude.
- 00:06:02,071 --> 00:06:03,364 Kyle, it's very simple --
- 00:06:03,489 --> 00:06:04,698 We followed Ally Sheedy out to her car,
- 00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:06,450 but on the way, we were accosted by five Scientologists
- 00:06:06,575 --> 00:06:07,910 who wanted to give us all personality tests,
- 00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:09,787 which were administered at the Scientology center in Denver
- 00:06:09,912 --> 00:06:10,621 until 10:45, at which time
- 00:06:10,746 --> 00:06:12,039 we accidentally boarded the wrong bus home
- 00:06:12,164 --> 00:06:13,957 and ended up in Rancho de Fritas Rojos, south of Castle Rock,
- 00:06:14,083 --> 00:06:15,250 and finally got a ride home with a man
- 00:06:15,376 --> 00:06:17,127 who was missing his left index finger, named Gary Bushwell,
- 00:06:17,252 --> 00:06:18,837 arriving home at 11:46 -- You got it?
- 00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:21,632 Uh, I-I -- - Oh, for Christ's sake!
- 00:06:21,757 --> 00:06:23,217 Kyle, just let Cartman do all the talking, okay?
- 00:06:23,342 --> 00:06:24,593 He's better at being in trouble than anybody.
- 00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:25,594 Thank you, Stan.
- 00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,513 Shh, shh. Here they come. Here they come.
- 00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:29,723 And so I said, "That's a terrific joke, Wendy.
- 00:06:29,848 --> 00:06:31,016 Tell us another one."
- 00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:33,602 Oh, hello, Mr. Mackey. Are you ready to see us now?
- 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:36,313 We're gonna talk to you one at a time, boys, m'kay?
- 00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:38,649 Kenny, will you step into my office, please?
- 00:06:38,774 --> 00:06:39,400 Mrh?
- 00:06:39,525 --> 00:06:41,819 Come on, Kenny. Let's go, m'kay?
- 00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:46,031 Touché, Mr. Mackey, touché.
- 00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,491 Why are they doing us one at a time?
- 00:06:47,616 --> 00:06:49,076 They want to see if we mix the story up
- 00:06:49,201 --> 00:06:50,953 and see if somebody will rat out the other three
- 00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:51,912 for a better deal.
- 00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:53,080 I can get a better deal?
- 00:06:53,205 --> 00:06:55,249 Kyle, so help me God, if you Jew us out on this one,
- 00:06:55,374 --> 00:06:56,458 I will fucking kill you.
- 00:06:58,043 --> 00:07:00,337 There we go. That should be about the last of it.
- 00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:08,011 Ex-- Excuse me. Uh, w-what are you doing?
- 00:07:08,137 --> 00:07:10,264 Crime scene investigation.
- 00:07:10,389 --> 00:07:12,307 There are several footprints in the snow --
- 00:07:12,433 --> 00:07:13,976 perhaps more than one perpetrator?
- 00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:16,937 Uh, look, we really don't want to make a big deal out of this.
- 00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:18,439 Is that the toilet paper there?
- 00:07:18,564 --> 00:07:20,524 I'll need to take those bags as evidence.
- 00:07:20,649 --> 00:07:22,359 Look, it's just not that big a deal.
- 00:07:22,484 --> 00:07:25,487 I mean, I toilet-papered houses myself when I was a kid.
- 00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:28,866 You? So where were you last night at around 9:00?
- 00:07:28,991 --> 00:07:30,117 I was here.
- 00:07:30,242 --> 00:07:32,202 Aha! Got you!
- 00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:34,872 Officer, why would I T.P. my own house?
- 00:07:34,997 --> 00:07:36,248 Insurance?
- 00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:37,791 It wasn't me, okay?
- 00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:40,252 Now, if you don't mind, I want to get my yard back to normal.
- 00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:41,503 Now, you listen to me.
- 00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:42,754 Whoever T.P.'d your house
- 00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:44,465 is still out there roaming the streets.
- 00:07:44,590 --> 00:07:46,467 It's only a matter of time before another house
- 00:07:46,592 --> 00:07:48,469 and another family is victimized!
- 00:07:48,594 --> 00:07:50,929 I have to stop that from happening.
- 00:07:51,054 --> 00:07:53,724 You really have nothing better to do, do you?
- 00:07:53,849 --> 00:07:56,435 No, I do not.
- 00:07:58,270 --> 00:07:59,229 No.
- 00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:02,524 No. No.
- 00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:04,443 Aah.
- 00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:06,945 Oh, Jesus, no. Our house.
- 00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:09,281 Mommy! Mommy! - Mommy! Mommy!
- 00:08:09,406 --> 00:08:14,036 Why? Why? Why?
- 00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:18,707 Oh, God. Oh, God.
- 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:21,627 I have to tell the truth. Mom!
- 00:08:23,795 --> 00:08:26,381 Hello, Kyle. Going somewhere?
- 00:08:27,799 --> 00:08:30,594 I was -- I was just going to get a drink of water.
- 00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:33,222 No need. I have one for you right here.
- 00:08:34,223 --> 00:08:37,017 Oh. Okay. Thanks.
- 00:08:37,142 --> 00:08:38,894 Is there anything else I can get for you?
- 00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:41,438 No. I'll just be going back to bed now.
- 00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:44,066 You do that. Good night, Kyle.
- 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:50,864 Josh Meyers T.P.'d over 600 houses in less than a year.
- 00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:52,115 He's a real monster.
- 00:08:52,241 --> 00:08:53,951 I just need to talk to someone
- 00:08:54,076 --> 00:08:56,495 who knows how toilet-paperers think.
- 00:08:56,620 --> 00:08:57,621 Just remember --
- 00:08:57,746 --> 00:09:01,291 He'd toilet-paper you in a second if he had the chance.
- 00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:04,169 He's the last cell on your left.
- 00:09:15,514 --> 00:09:17,891 Hello, Josh. My name is Officer Barbrady.
- 00:09:18,016 --> 00:09:19,810 I'm with the South Park police.
- 00:09:19,935 --> 00:09:22,062 That's a terrible cologne you're wearing, Officer.
- 00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:24,565 You should try something more...casual.
- 00:09:24,690 --> 00:09:28,110 I was hoping you could help me solve a toilet-papering case.
- 00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:29,278 And why would I do that?
- 00:09:29,403 --> 00:09:31,446 Because I'm such a charming fella?
- 00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:34,908 Uh, please. I need your help. What would you want in return?
- 00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:37,911 Due to the harsh nature of my crimes,
- 00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:40,414 they don't allow me to have toilet paper in my cell.
- 00:09:40,539 --> 00:09:42,583 You can imagine how bothersome that becomes.
- 00:09:42,708 --> 00:09:45,419 You know I can't give you toilet paper, Josh.
- 00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:48,422 No, but it was worth a try, wasn't it?
- 00:09:48,547 --> 00:09:49,756 Tell me something, Officer --
- 00:09:49,881 --> 00:09:51,550 Why is it that you police such a small town?
- 00:09:51,675 --> 00:09:52,968 You must have had larger inspirations.
- 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,596 What happened to those big-city dreams?
- 00:09:55,721 --> 00:09:57,472 Well, that's kind of personal.
- 00:09:57,598 --> 00:09:58,932 Quid pro quo, Officer.
- 00:09:59,057 --> 00:10:00,559 Tell me what I want to know,
- 00:10:00,684 --> 00:10:04,438 and I'll help you catch whoever toilet-papered that house.
- 00:10:08,066 --> 00:10:09,693 Look, kid, I have very little time
- 00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:11,987 to catch whoever toilet-papered that house.
- 00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,363 Tell me what you know.
- 00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:14,990 Are those the crime-scene photos?
- 00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,116 Let me see them.
- 00:10:20,329 --> 00:10:22,372 Yes. Yes.
- 00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:24,333 Not bad work. Not bad at all.
- 00:10:24,458 --> 00:10:25,959 These toilet-paperers are professionals --
- 00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:27,252 at least one of them is.
- 00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:29,504 So you think there was more than one. Why?
- 00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:30,839 Tell me something first.
- 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:33,258 When you went to the academy, you had something to prove, you wanted
- 00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:35,135 to protect and serve, but mostly you just wanted to protect yourself.
- 00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:37,846 Who were you protecting yourself from, Officer Barbrady?
- 00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:38,680 All right! All right!
- 00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,641 My Uncle Charles used to hit me with a belt!
- 00:10:42,351 --> 00:10:43,268 Thank you.
- 00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:45,187 Your toilet-paperers are most like males
- 00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:47,230 between the ages of 8 and 10 and probably virgins.
- 00:10:47,356 --> 00:10:48,774 Parents notice that much toilet paper missing,
- 00:10:48,899 --> 00:10:50,233 so they would've bought it themselves.
- 00:10:50,359 --> 00:10:51,902 Find out where the toilet paper came from,
- 00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:53,570 and you just might catch your man.
- 00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:58,909 Stan, Kenny, can I talk to you guys for a second?
- 00:10:59,034 --> 00:11:00,952 I think we have the counselor and principal fooled,
- 00:11:01,078 --> 00:11:02,663 but we need to talk about Kyle.
- 00:11:02,788 --> 00:11:04,414 - What about him? - Come on. You know.
- 00:11:04,539 --> 00:11:05,791 He's losing it. He's gonna crack.
- 00:11:05,916 --> 00:11:06,792 Mrph rmhmhm rm.
- 00:11:06,917 --> 00:11:08,877 Kyle can't take the heat. He's gonna sing like a canary.
- 00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,587 Then we're all gonna take the fall for what we did.
- 00:11:10,712 --> 00:11:12,172 Hey, fellas!
- 00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:13,590 Butters.
- 00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:24,476 Look, all it takes is for one of us to crack,
- 00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:26,144 and we all know who the weakest link is.
- 00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:27,145 So what should we do?
- 00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:30,148 We have no choice. We have to kill Kyle.
- 00:11:30,732 --> 00:11:32,526 Dude, we're not killing Kyle! - Mrph!
- 00:11:32,651 --> 00:11:35,070 Why not? - Kyle's not gonna say anything.
- 00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,905 He almost spilled the beans in the counselor's office.
- 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,281 He can't even keep the story straight.
- 00:11:38,407 --> 00:11:39,783 I'm telling you guys, he's weak.
- 00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:42,119 He's weak, and he'll be the end of all of us.
- 00:11:44,121 --> 00:11:46,081 You wanted to see me, Officer Barbrady?
- 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:47,708 Yes. Thanks for coming, Mr. Bell.
- 00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:49,292 A house was T.P.'d in South Park,
- 00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:51,753 and I need to see if you can identify the toilet paper
- 00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:53,213 I recovered from the scene.
- 00:11:53,338 --> 00:11:56,091 I'm sorry I have to do this.
- 00:11:58,343 --> 00:11:59,428 Oh, my God.
- 00:11:59,553 --> 00:12:02,055 Is this toilet paper from your store?
- 00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:05,100 It's...difficult to tell. It's so decayed.
- 00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:06,435 I...wait a minute. Yes.
- 00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,645 Yes, I recognize the floral pattern now.
- 00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:10,313 Positive I.D. on the toilet paper.
- 00:12:10,439 --> 00:12:12,399 Who would do this to toilet paper? Who?
- 00:12:12,524 --> 00:12:14,526 Mr. Bell, do you remember anyone suspicious
- 00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,570 buying toilet paper in the last few days?
- 00:12:16,695 --> 00:12:17,821 Suspicious like how?
- 00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:21,450 Well, like someone who was black or Mexican or Middle-Eastern.
- 00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:24,536 No, the only Mexican guy I recall bought toaster tarts and chips.
- 00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:27,581 And we don't allow Middle- Eastern people in the store.
- 00:12:27,706 --> 00:12:29,332 Oh my God.
- 00:12:32,294 --> 00:12:33,712 What's this all about, Cartman?
- 00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:35,672 I just wanted to see how you're doing, Kyle.
- 00:12:35,797 --> 00:12:37,174 Why don't we go out for a little boat ride?
- 00:12:37,299 --> 00:12:38,008 A boat ride?
- 00:12:38,133 --> 00:12:40,177 I just thought we should find a private place to talk.
- 00:12:40,302 --> 00:12:41,511 Well, okay.
- 00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:44,181 Could you help me put this block and chain in the boat?
- 00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:52,481 Okay. Let's go.
- 00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:02,491 So, how are things, Kyle?
- 00:13:02,616 --> 00:13:03,533 Terrible.
- 00:13:03,658 --> 00:13:05,911 Every time I close my eyes, I see the house we T.P.'d.
- 00:13:06,036 --> 00:13:07,370 I see the tears of our art teacher
- 00:13:07,496 --> 00:13:09,122 and hear the screams of her daughters.
- 00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:11,666 And you feel like you have to confess.
- 00:13:11,792 --> 00:13:12,876 I don't know what to do.
- 00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:15,212 Part of me feels like I have to end it all now,
- 00:13:15,337 --> 00:13:17,464 tell people what happened.
- 00:13:17,589 --> 00:13:20,717 You know, I never noticed how beautiful this pond was before.
- 00:13:20,842 --> 00:13:22,010 So calm.
- 00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,720 The world can be like that --
- 00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:28,016 so calm on the outside, as if nothing bad ever happens.
- 00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:30,227 Ow.
- 00:13:30,352 --> 00:13:31,978 What the hell are you doing, Cartman?
- 00:13:32,103 --> 00:13:32,979 I'm killing you,
- 00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:34,481 but unfortunately I could only afford a Wiffle bat,
- 00:13:34,606 --> 00:13:35,482 so it's gonna take a while.
- 00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:36,817 Cartman!
- 00:13:36,942 --> 00:13:38,318 Don't fight it, Kyle. It will only take longer.
- 00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:39,903 Just slip into sweet unconsciousness.
- 00:13:41,238 --> 00:13:42,739 You want to kill me? Fine!
- 00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:45,408 I can't live like this anymore! Go ahead!
- 00:13:45,534 --> 00:13:46,868 Do it.
- 00:13:54,584 --> 00:13:56,795 Won't be long now, Kyle.
- 00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:02,092 Josh, I need more help.
- 00:14:02,217 --> 00:14:04,719 The answer is right in front of you, but you can't see it.
- 00:14:04,845 --> 00:14:05,887 How do you mean?
- 00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:08,765 Tell me. The toilet paper -- Was it quilted?
- 00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:09,683 Yes.
- 00:14:09,808 --> 00:14:12,435 Single-sheet? - No, two-ply.
- 00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:14,479 What? What does that tell you?
- 00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:18,149 Why does one toilet-paper a house, Officer?
- 00:14:18,275 --> 00:14:19,985 To get revenge.
- 00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:21,820 No. That is incidental.
- 00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:24,573 Your toilet-paperers wanted to transform the teacher's house,
- 00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:26,700 thus transforming her entire occupation.
- 00:14:26,825 --> 00:14:27,826 What do you mean?
- 00:14:27,951 --> 00:14:30,245 Your uncle who hit you with a belt -- Was he a large man?
- 00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:31,955 I don't have time for this, kid.
- 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:33,874 Did he stink like beer when he came home from work
- 00:14:33,999 --> 00:14:36,167 all tired from playing down at the pool house?
- 00:14:36,293 --> 00:14:36,918 All right! All right!
- 00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:39,170 My dad dressed me up like a little girl on poker nights
- 00:14:39,296 --> 00:14:41,464 and made me sit on all my uncles' laps!
- 00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:45,802 Whoa.
- 00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:47,721 Uh, oh--thank you.
- 00:14:47,846 --> 00:14:49,639 Your toilet-paperers are most likely students
- 00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:50,682 in the art teacher's class,
- 00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:52,183 students who aren't very good at art.
- 00:14:52,309 --> 00:14:54,978 Oh. Of course. One of her students!
- 00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:57,606 Fly along now, Officer Barbrady. You've got some arrests to make.
- 00:14:57,731 --> 00:14:59,357 Fly, fly, fly. Fly, fly, fly.
- 00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:05,488 Josh, were you doing the silly voice for the policeman again?
- 00:15:05,614 --> 00:15:06,573 No, sir.
- 00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:16,833 Cartman, what are you doing? - I'm getting rid of our problem.
- 00:15:16,958 --> 00:15:18,627 Kyle will be dead in a matter of hours.
- 00:15:20,337 --> 00:15:21,504 You don't have to kill Kyle, dude.
- 00:15:21,630 --> 00:15:23,840 The police made an arrest, and the person confessed!
- 00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:25,425 They did? - They did?
- 00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:27,802 They say they got the guy that did it at the police station.
- 00:15:27,928 --> 00:15:30,096 Who confessed? That doesn't make any sense.
- 00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:32,349 But can I still kill Kyle?
- 00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:38,897 Hello, boys. How are you?
- 00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:40,315 We heard that you have the person
- 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:41,566 who T.P.'d the art teacher's house.
- 00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:43,693 Is that true? - It sure is.
- 00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:46,446 Uh, could we see them -- him -- her?
- 00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:47,948 Right over here.
- 00:15:48,073 --> 00:15:50,784 Yeah, we interrogated the suspect for over 40 hours,
- 00:15:50,909 --> 00:15:52,661 and he finally cracked.
- 00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:54,162 Hey, fellas!
- 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:55,246 Butters?
- 00:15:55,372 --> 00:15:57,332 Yep. I'm in jail.
- 00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:58,667 You confessed?
- 00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:01,294 Uh-huh. Uh, they said I T.P.'d the art teacher's house.
- 00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:04,005 I don't seem to remember it, but they're pretty sure it was me.
- 00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:06,383 I just can't get my behavior under control.
- 00:16:06,508 --> 00:16:08,593 His parents are on their way down now.
- 00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:11,096 Yeah. And, boy, are they gonna let me have it.
- 00:16:11,221 --> 00:16:13,098 Just wait till my father gets here.
- 00:16:13,223 --> 00:16:15,266 You guys, we can't let him do this.
- 00:16:15,392 --> 00:16:17,352 What are you talking about? This is a gift from God.
- 00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:18,853 An early Easter present all wrapped up
- 00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:21,147 with a pretty ribbon from Jesus Christ himself.
- 00:16:21,272 --> 00:16:22,983 I'm just a little asshole is what I am.
- 00:16:23,108 --> 00:16:23,942 When God made me,
- 00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:25,694 He must have not been paying very close attention,
- 00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:28,196 'cause I turned out wrong -- just plain wrong.
- 00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:30,365 Officer Barbrady, Butters didn't T.P. that house.
- 00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:31,366 Why do you say that?
- 00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:33,326 Because it was -- - Wiffle ball, anyone?
- 00:16:33,451 --> 00:16:35,537 Anyone care for a nice game of Wiffle ball?
- 00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,664 You know, it's not my parents I'm worried about.
- 00:16:37,789 --> 00:16:39,082 It's my girlfriend, Carrie.
- 00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:40,208 Well, she lives in Michigan.
- 00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:41,584 But when she finds out about this,
- 00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:43,670 whoo, smokies, is she gonna be sore.
- 00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:45,213 She might even break up with me.
- 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:46,756 And it would serve me right, too.
- 00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:48,633 All right, boys. Visiting time is over.
- 00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:50,176 Thanks for stopping by.
- 00:16:52,929 --> 00:16:55,306 You see, you guys? It all worked itself out.
- 00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:57,767 Ta-dow. Ta-dow. How do you like me now?
- 00:16:57,892 --> 00:16:59,394 Feel a little silly now, Kyle?
- 00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:00,979 Ta-dow. How do you like me now?
- 00:17:01,104 --> 00:17:02,564 I still feel bad, Cartman.
- 00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:05,191 What? How -- How can you feel bad?
- 00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:06,985 Somebody else is gonna pay for our crime.
- 00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:09,571 Yeah. That makes it even worse.
- 00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:11,114 Buh...
- 00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:14,200 Uh, K-Kyle, you don't seem to understand.
- 00:17:14,325 --> 00:17:16,453 W-We're not gonna get punished for this, ever.
- 00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:18,038 I know.
- 00:17:18,747 --> 00:17:21,624 S-- So then how can you feel bad?
- 00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:23,001 He feels guilty for doing it
- 00:17:23,126 --> 00:17:25,670 and for letting someone else pay for it.
- 00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:27,213 But he's not gonna get in trouble.
- 00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:28,840 It doesn't matter if you get in trouble or not.
- 00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:30,050 You can still feel bad.
- 00:17:30,175 --> 00:17:32,093 I think you're right, Kyle. Maybe we should confess.
- 00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:33,219 Mrph. Rm mrprhm.
- 00:17:33,344 --> 00:17:35,680 What? D-- You guys.
- 00:17:35,805 --> 00:17:37,348 There's nothing to feel bad about.
- 00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:38,600 We're off scot-free!
- 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:41,144 We feel bad for other people.
- 00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:44,856 For o-- For --
- 00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:46,691 Ow.
- 00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:50,653 I-Is it that you think you might get in trouble <i>later?</i>
- 00:17:50,779 --> 00:17:52,781 Tomorrow in school, we'll tell the art teacher it was us
- 00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:53,907 and let her decide what to do.
- 00:17:54,032 --> 00:17:55,867 And, Cartman, if you have any thread of a conscience at all,
- 00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:56,868 you'll do the same.
- 00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:02,207 Freakin' weirdos, man.
- 00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:05,210 Well, well, well. I had to see it to believe it.
- 00:18:05,335 --> 00:18:06,377 Hi, Dad.
- 00:18:06,503 --> 00:18:08,254 Don't you "Hi, Dad" me.
- 00:18:08,379 --> 00:18:12,050 Look at you, standing behind prison bars -- again!
- 00:18:12,175 --> 00:18:12,967 Yeah.
- 00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:14,928 What fibs have you been telling this policeman, Butters?
- 00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:17,597 You know damn well you didn't toilet-paper that house.
- 00:18:17,722 --> 00:18:18,264 Huh?
- 00:18:18,389 --> 00:18:20,266 Butters was with us all night, Officer Barbrady.
- 00:18:20,391 --> 00:18:21,518 Butters, what have we told you
- 00:18:21,643 --> 00:18:23,436 about confessing to crimes you didn't commit?
- 00:18:23,561 --> 00:18:24,479 We have had it, mister!
- 00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:26,272 Well, they kept accusing me for hours,
- 00:18:26,397 --> 00:18:28,441 and then he shot me up with sodium pentothal.
- 00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:29,984 And that's your excuse?
- 00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:31,569 Well, looks like I made a mistake.
- 00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:33,530 I guess I better let you out now.
- 00:18:33,655 --> 00:18:36,199 Just wait till we get you home, you little fibber!
- 00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:38,785 Officer, can I stay in jail, please?
- 00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:41,538 Come on, you guys! Hurry!
- 00:18:41,663 --> 00:18:42,705 What is it, Cartman?
- 00:18:42,831 --> 00:18:45,083 It's over this way. Come on!
- 00:18:51,422 --> 00:18:53,466 So, how are things, guys?
- 00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:55,802 Cartman, we're confessing tomorrow, and that's final.
- 00:18:55,927 --> 00:18:57,595 I'm afraid I can't let that happen.
- 00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,264 You can't kill all three of us, Cartman.
- 00:18:59,389 --> 00:19:00,557 Can't I?
- 00:19:07,564 --> 00:19:08,857 Excuse me, everyone.
- 00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:11,401 I have someone with me who can tell us all
- 00:19:11,526 --> 00:19:13,611 who toilet-papered the art teacher's house!
- 00:19:15,363 --> 00:19:16,948 Josh insisted he be able
- 00:19:17,073 --> 00:19:19,701 to tell you the names of the toilet-paperers in person.
- 00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,452 Uh, that's nice, Officer Barbrady,
- 00:19:21,578 --> 00:19:23,955 but we actually don't need -- - Hold it!
- 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:26,291 Principal Victoria, Mr. Mackey, Mrs. Dreible,
- 00:19:26,416 --> 00:19:28,293 we have something we need to tell you.
- 00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:31,045 All right. Will you people stop barging into my office, please?
- 00:19:31,171 --> 00:19:32,255 What's the matter, Principal Victoria?
- 00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:33,256 Was your mother abusive?
- 00:19:33,381 --> 00:19:34,716 Did she spank your thighs with cold cuts
- 00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:36,426 and stick umbrellas up your ass?
- 00:19:36,551 --> 00:19:37,635 Get him out of here.
- 00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,346 Uh, Policeman Brown, will you take Josh outside, please?
- 00:19:40,471 --> 00:19:42,557 Ooh. Policeman Brown. Never quite made officer.
- 00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,100 Why is that, Policeman Brown?
- 00:19:44,225 --> 00:19:46,019 We have to confess that we were the ones that --
- 00:19:46,144 --> 00:19:47,562 It's too late, boys, m'kay?
- 00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:49,355 We already know everything.
- 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,983 You -- You do? How?
- 00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:54,861 Hi, guys.
- 00:19:54,986 --> 00:19:55,820 Cartman?
- 00:19:55,945 --> 00:19:57,739 I told them everything, guys. It's over.
- 00:19:57,864 --> 00:19:59,908 Luckily for us, one of you had enough of a conscience
- 00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:00,909 to come forward.
- 00:20:01,034 --> 00:20:02,785 My consciousness just caught up with me.
- 00:20:02,911 --> 00:20:03,786 That's not fair!
- 00:20:03,912 --> 00:20:05,622 You all get two weeks of detention,
- 00:20:05,747 --> 00:20:08,082 except for Eric, who gets one week for being brave.
- 00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:10,627 B-But he's lying! He doesn't have a conscience!
- 00:20:10,752 --> 00:20:12,670 Well, I guess my work here is done.
- 00:20:12,795 --> 00:20:16,174 After all this, I'm gonna need a long vacation.
- 00:20:16,299 --> 00:20:17,926 This was supposed to be <i>my</i> story,
- 00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:19,928 <i>my</i> coming to terms with a guilty conscience.
- 00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:21,512 This isn't fair!
- 00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:23,514 Okay, Josh. Time to go back to the --
- 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,433 Oh, no!
- 00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:28,353 H-He was too fast for me. He ran out the door!
- 00:20:28,478 --> 00:20:30,939 Well, couldn't you have gone after him?
- 00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:33,149 Well, I-I'm covered in toilet paper.
- 00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:34,943 I'd look silly.
- 00:20:36,945 --> 00:20:38,404 Welcome to detention.
- 00:20:38,529 --> 00:20:40,323 You will be here until 5:00,
- 00:20:40,448 --> 00:20:43,576 so make good study use of your time, m'kay?
- 00:20:43,701 --> 00:20:44,786 Oof. Two weeks of this.
- 00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:47,121 Yeah. But I have to say I feel a lot better now.
- 00:20:47,247 --> 00:20:48,289 I know what you mean, Kyle.
- 00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:50,500 I realize now that even though you might not get caught
- 00:20:50,625 --> 00:20:52,710 doing something bad, you can still get caught later.
- 00:20:52,835 --> 00:20:53,544 Oh, Jesus.
- 00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:55,922 I didn't feel bad before, but now I just feel terrible.
- 00:20:56,047 --> 00:20:58,299 You just feel bad for yourself that you're in detention.
- 00:20:58,424 --> 00:20:59,133 Right.
- 00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:00,718 I guess I learned today that sometimes you --
- 00:21:00,843 --> 00:21:02,345 Oh, stop it, Cartman. You didn't learn anything.
- 00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:04,847 Not a goddamn thing.
- 00:21:04,973 --> 00:21:06,266 Hmm.
- 00:21:09,686 --> 00:21:11,312 Police station.
- 00:21:11,437 --> 00:21:12,981 Hello, Officer Barbrady.
- 00:21:13,106 --> 00:21:15,358 Josh? Josh, where are you?
- 00:21:15,483 --> 00:21:16,985 I'm afraid that giving away my location
- 00:21:17,110 --> 00:21:18,653 might be harmful to my freedom, Officer.
- 00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:19,696 I just wanted to thank you
- 00:21:19,821 --> 00:21:21,364 for helping me get out of that dingy cell.
- 00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:23,408 Josh, you have to go back to juvenile hall.
- 00:21:23,533 --> 00:21:25,159 You only have a three-week sentence.
- 00:21:25,285 --> 00:21:26,286 Sorry, Officer. Got to run.
- 00:21:26,411 --> 00:21:27,704 There's something I've been meaning to do
- 00:21:27,829 --> 00:21:28,705 for quite some time.
- 00:21:28,830 --> 00:21:29,539 Ciao.
- 00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:11,929 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:13,806 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:15,599 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:18,602 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,604 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:00:20,730 --> 00:00:22,023 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
- 00:00:22,148 --> 00:00:25,401 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:28,904 Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
- 00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:33,200 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:37,246 [Bell rings]
- 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:39,206 Okay. Good, children, good.
- 00:00:39,331 --> 00:00:41,125 Remember to feel the clay.
- 00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:42,793 Be one with the clay.
- 00:00:42,918 --> 00:00:43,919 Nice. Uh-huh.
- 00:00:44,045 --> 00:00:46,797 [ Laughter ]
- 00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:48,758 Put more clay on the balls.
- 00:00:48,883 --> 00:00:51,302 Boys! What is that?
- 00:00:51,427 --> 00:00:52,636 A reindeer?
- 00:00:52,762 --> 00:00:53,763 You know, I've had it!
- 00:00:53,888 --> 00:00:56,390 You four boys never take art class seriously!
- 00:00:56,515 --> 00:00:57,391 What a crime.
- 00:00:57,516 --> 00:00:59,101 [Laughter]
- 00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:00,436 You think art is not important?
- 00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,855 Well, art's just kind of... for gaywads.
- 00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:04,106 I love art class!
- 00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:05,107 See?
- 00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:06,942 Do you think this is funny?!
- 00:01:07,068 --> 00:01:10,029 Do you think this is funny, huh?!
- 00:01:10,154 --> 00:01:12,031 [ Snorting ]
- 00:01:12,156 --> 00:01:13,449 [ Laughter ]
- 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,451 Well, you four can just spend your afternoon
- 00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:17,620 after school here, making new pottery!
- 00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:19,497 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- 00:01:19,622 --> 00:01:20,664 You can't do that.
- 00:01:20,790 --> 00:01:22,416 I certainly can. I'm your teacher.
- 00:01:22,541 --> 00:01:25,127 You're an <i>art</i> teacher. - Make it two hours.
- 00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:26,754 [ Music continues ]
- 00:01:26,879 --> 00:01:28,756 Mrs. Dreible thinks she's so cool.
- 00:01:28,881 --> 00:01:30,341 How dare she talk to us like that?
- 00:01:30,466 --> 00:01:31,383 Mrph rmhmhm rm.
- 00:01:31,509 --> 00:01:33,302 We can't let her get away with this.
- 00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:35,721 I think tonight we need to do something drastic.
- 00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:36,680 Like what?
- 00:01:36,806 --> 00:01:38,599 Like find out where Mrs. Dreible lives
- 00:01:38,724 --> 00:01:42,728 and go over there and... T.P. her house.
- 00:01:43,562 --> 00:01:45,064 Mrph! - T.P. her house?
- 00:01:45,189 --> 00:01:47,191 Toilet paper. Cover her house in toilet paper.
- 00:01:47,316 --> 00:01:48,275 Oh.
- 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:50,027 What's the matter, Kyle? You chicken?
- 00:01:50,152 --> 00:01:52,488 [ Imitates chicken clucking ]
- 00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:53,405 [ Grunts ]
- 00:01:53,531 --> 00:01:55,533 Quiet, boys. This isn't playtime.
- 00:01:55,658 --> 00:01:56,909 You're being punished.
- 00:01:57,034 --> 00:01:59,954 Fine. But we'll have the last laugh tonight, art whore.
- 00:02:00,079 --> 00:02:02,498 Yeah. Payback time, you ugly skank.
- 00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,546 [ Muzak playing ]
- 00:02:08,671 --> 00:02:11,173 You think that's enough? - Should be fine.
- 00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:12,758 Don't you guys think this is a little suspicious?
- 00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:14,510 We should buy something else so it doesn't look obvious.
- 00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:15,219 Okay.
- 00:02:15,344 --> 00:02:18,180 Here we go -- pack of chewing gum.
- 00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:20,057 Hello, boys. Find everything you need?
- 00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:21,225 Yep. All set.
- 00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:23,519 Okay. Let's see here. Toilet paper.
- 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,771 Toilet paper. And toilet paper.
- 00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:28,440 Toilet paper. Toilet paper.
- 00:02:28,566 --> 00:02:30,234 So, what are you kids up to tonight?
- 00:02:30,359 --> 00:02:32,862 Oh, we're just gonna watch some TV, maybe play a board game.
- 00:02:32,987 --> 00:02:34,405 Nice, relaxing night at home, huh?
- 00:02:34,530 --> 00:02:36,198 Toilet paper. Toilet paper.
- 00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:37,408 And toilet paper.
- 00:02:37,533 --> 00:02:39,201 H-Hey.
- 00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:41,412 Now, you kids be careful with this chewing gum.
- 00:02:41,537 --> 00:02:43,038 Don't go sticking it under tables.
- 00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:43,914 Okay.
- 00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:45,457 Okay. Toilet paper.
- 00:02:45,583 --> 00:02:48,043 Toilet paper. Toilet paper.
- 00:02:48,169 --> 00:02:50,462 You know, son, I remember you coming in last week
- 00:02:50,588 --> 00:02:52,006 and buying this much toilet paper.
- 00:02:52,131 --> 00:02:53,424 Oh, yeah. That -- That's right.
- 00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:55,551 Toilet paper. Toilet paper.
- 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,344 You T.P.'d a house last week, Cartman?
- 00:02:57,469 --> 00:02:59,138 No. Last Thursday night was fajitas night.
- 00:02:59,263 --> 00:03:01,140 Oh. Ugh.
- 00:03:01,265 --> 00:03:03,642 [ Suspenseful music plays ]
- 00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:06,061 [ Insects chirping ]
- 00:03:06,187 --> 00:03:07,354 Is this the right house?
- 00:03:07,479 --> 00:03:09,148 It's the right address. Wait. Look there.
- 00:03:09,273 --> 00:03:11,734 There's Mrs. Dreible. This is the place.
- 00:03:13,277 --> 00:03:14,945 Oh, wait, wait. There's kids inside.
- 00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:15,946 So?
- 00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:17,865 So I'm not T.P.'ing a house with kids inside it.
- 00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:19,200 Kyle, we all agreed to do this.
- 00:03:19,325 --> 00:03:20,993 We didn't say nothing about no kids, man.
- 00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:22,286 Kyle, you're being an asshole.
- 00:03:22,411 --> 00:03:24,788 Now let's do this thing and get out of here.
- 00:03:24,914 --> 00:03:26,957 Here's what I think of your art class, you Goddamn bitch!
- 00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:28,876 Mrph. Mrph rhrmprhm.
- 00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:31,629 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- 00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:52,107 [ Music continues ]
- 00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:54,902 Come on! Let's go!
- 00:03:56,028 --> 00:03:57,363 What have we done?
- 00:03:57,488 --> 00:03:59,114 Let's go, Kyle!
- 00:04:03,244 --> 00:04:06,372 [ Breathing heavily ]
- 00:04:06,497 --> 00:04:09,333 We're -- We're in trouble. We're in so much trouble.
- 00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:11,460 Aw, man, that was so awesome!
- 00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:12,628 How can you say that?
- 00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,004 Did you see what we did to their house?
- 00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:15,714 It'll take them days to clean that up.
- 00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:16,423 Who cares?
- 00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:18,801 Well, you don't, because you're an uncaring asshole, Cartman.
- 00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:20,761 Me?
- 00:04:20,886 --> 00:04:23,514 There's toilet paper on your hands, too, Kyle.
- 00:04:23,639 --> 00:04:25,599 [ Dramatic music plays ] Cartman's right, Kyle.
- 00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:27,559 We're all in this together.
- 00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:30,854 [ Harp plays ] No.
- 00:04:30,980 --> 00:04:32,147 No.
- 00:04:32,273 --> 00:04:34,191 No!
- 00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:36,443 [ Screams ]
- 00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:38,112 Honey, what is it?
- 00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:40,698 Oh, Jesus, no! Our house!
- 00:04:40,823 --> 00:04:43,659 Mommy. Mommy. - Mommy. Mommy.
- 00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:47,162 Why? Why?
- 00:04:47,288 --> 00:04:50,207 Aah. Oh, God. Oh, God.
- 00:04:52,126 --> 00:04:53,502 [ Indistinct conversations ]
- 00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,713 Hey, did you guys hear what happened last night?
- 00:04:55,838 --> 00:04:58,007 Mrs. Dreible's house got covered with toilet paper.
- 00:04:58,132 --> 00:05:00,551 Yeah. They say it's gonna take three weeks to get it all down.
- 00:05:00,676 --> 00:05:03,387 Yeah. Well, old Mrs. Dreible probably had it coming to her.
- 00:05:03,512 --> 00:05:04,430 I don't know.
- 00:05:04,555 --> 00:05:06,974 I don't think anybody deserves that kind of brutality.
- 00:05:07,099 --> 00:05:09,184 Well, I understand the people who did it weren't caught,
- 00:05:09,310 --> 00:05:11,103 so looks like nobody will ever know the geniuses
- 00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:12,604 who masterminded that perfect crime.
- 00:05:12,730 --> 00:05:14,023 [ Bell rings ]
- 00:05:14,148 --> 00:05:16,442 Okay, children, let's take our seats.
- 00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:18,068 Oh, uh, Stan, Kyle, Eric, and Kenny,
- 00:05:18,193 --> 00:05:20,029 the counselor wants to see you in his office, now.
- 00:05:20,154 --> 00:05:20,988 Damn.
- 00:05:21,113 --> 00:05:22,072 Oh, God.
- 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:24,616 How the hell did they find out
- 00:05:24,742 --> 00:05:26,076 it was us that T.P.'d that house?
- 00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:28,037 Will you relax, Kyle? They've got nothing on us.
- 00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:30,122 As long as we all stick to our story, we'll be fine.
- 00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:32,458 We'd better go over our story again so we don't screw it up.
- 00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:34,168 Okay, last night, all four of us
- 00:05:34,293 --> 00:05:36,253 were at the bowling alley until about 7:30,
- 00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:37,713 at which time we noticed Ally Sheedy,
- 00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:38,964 the goth chick from "The Breakfast Club,"
- 00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:39,965 was in the lane next to us,
- 00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:41,175 and we asked her for her autograph,
- 00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:43,010 but she didn't have a pen, so we followed her to her car,
- 00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:44,636 but on the way, we were accosted by five Scientologists
- 00:05:44,762 --> 00:05:46,055 who wanted to give us all personality tests,
- 00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:47,931 which were administered at the Scientology center in Denver
- 00:05:48,057 --> 00:05:48,766 until 10:45, at which time
- 00:05:48,891 --> 00:05:50,142 we accidentally boarded the wrong bus home
- 00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:52,227 and ended up in Rancho de Fritas Rojos, south of Castle Rock,
- 00:05:52,353 --> 00:05:53,604 and finally got a ride home with a man
- 00:05:53,729 --> 00:05:55,606 who was missing his left index finger, named Gary Bushwell,
- 00:05:55,731 --> 00:05:58,359 arriving home at 11:46.
- 00:05:58,484 --> 00:06:01,070 I'm confused. Did Ally Sheedy take the personality test?
- 00:06:01,195 --> 00:06:01,945 Yes, dude.
- 00:06:02,071 --> 00:06:03,364 Kyle, it's very simple --
- 00:06:03,489 --> 00:06:04,698 We followed Ally Sheedy out to her car,
- 00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:06,450 but on the way, we were accosted by five Scientologists
- 00:06:06,575 --> 00:06:07,910 who wanted to give us all personality tests,
- 00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:09,787 which were administered at the Scientology center in Denver
- 00:06:09,912 --> 00:06:10,621 until 10:45, at which time
- 00:06:10,746 --> 00:06:12,039 we accidentally boarded the wrong bus home
- 00:06:12,164 --> 00:06:13,957 and ended up in Rancho de Fritas Rojos, south of Castle Rock,
- 00:06:14,083 --> 00:06:15,250 and finally got a ride home with a man
- 00:06:15,376 --> 00:06:17,127 who was missing his left index finger, named Gary Bushwell,
- 00:06:17,252 --> 00:06:18,837 arriving home at 11:46 -- You got it?
- 00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:21,632 Uh, I-I -- - Oh, for Christ's sake!
- 00:06:21,757 --> 00:06:23,217 Kyle, just let Cartman do all the talking, okay?
- 00:06:23,342 --> 00:06:24,593 He's better at being in trouble than anybody.
- 00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:25,594 Thank you, Stan.
- 00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,513 Shh, shh. Here they come. Here they come.
- 00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:29,723 And so I said, "That's a terrific joke, Wendy.
- 00:06:29,848 --> 00:06:31,016 Tell us another one."
- 00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:33,602 Oh, hello, Mr. Mackey. Are you ready to see us now?
- 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:36,313 We're gonna talk to you one at a time, boys, m'kay?
- 00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:38,649 Kenny, will you step into my office, please?
- 00:06:38,774 --> 00:06:39,400 Mrh?
- 00:06:39,525 --> 00:06:41,819 Come on, Kenny. Let's go, m'kay?
- 00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:46,031 Touché, Mr. Mackey, touché.
- 00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,491 Why are they doing us one at a time?
- 00:06:47,616 --> 00:06:49,076 They want to see if we mix the story up
- 00:06:49,201 --> 00:06:50,953 and see if somebody will rat out the other three
- 00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:51,912 for a better deal.
- 00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:53,080 I can get a better deal?
- 00:06:53,205 --> 00:06:55,249 Kyle, so help me God, if you Jew us out on this one,
- 00:06:55,374 --> 00:06:56,458 I will fucking kill you.
- 00:06:58,043 --> 00:07:00,337 There we go. That should be about the last of it.
- 00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:02,423 [ Humming ]
- 00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:08,011 Ex-- Excuse me. Uh, w-what are you doing?
- 00:07:08,137 --> 00:07:10,264 Crime scene investigation.
- 00:07:10,389 --> 00:07:12,307 There are several footprints in the snow --
- 00:07:12,433 --> 00:07:13,976 perhaps more than one perpetrator?
- 00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:16,937 Uh, look, we really don't want to make a big deal out of this.
- 00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:18,439 Is that the toilet paper there?
- 00:07:18,564 --> 00:07:20,524 I'll need to take those bags as evidence.
- 00:07:20,649 --> 00:07:22,359 Look, it's just not that big a deal.
- 00:07:22,484 --> 00:07:25,487 I mean, I toilet-papered houses myself when I was a kid.
- 00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:28,866 You? So where were you last night at around 9:00?
- 00:07:28,991 --> 00:07:30,117 I was here.
- 00:07:30,242 --> 00:07:32,202 Aha! Got you!
- 00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:34,872 Officer, why would I T.P. my own house?
- 00:07:34,997 --> 00:07:36,248 Insurance?
- 00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:37,791 It wasn't me, okay?
- 00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:40,252 Now, if you don't mind, I want to get my yard back to normal.
- 00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:41,503 Now, you listen to me.
- 00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:42,754 Whoever T.P.'d your house
- 00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:44,465 is still out there roaming the streets.
- 00:07:44,590 --> 00:07:46,467 It's only a matter of time before another house
- 00:07:46,592 --> 00:07:48,469 and another family is victimized!
- 00:07:48,594 --> 00:07:50,929 I have to stop that from happening.
- 00:07:51,054 --> 00:07:53,724 You really have nothing better to do, do you?
- 00:07:53,849 --> 00:07:56,435 No, I do not.
- 00:07:58,270 --> 00:07:59,229 No.
- 00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:02,524 No. No.
- 00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:04,443 Aah.
- 00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:06,945 Oh, Jesus, no. Our house.
- 00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:09,281 Mommy! Mommy! - Mommy! Mommy!
- 00:08:09,406 --> 00:08:14,036 Why? Why? Why? [ Sobbing ]
- 00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:16,371 [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:18,707 Oh, God. Oh, God.
- 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:21,627 I have to tell the truth. Mom!
- 00:08:21,752 --> 00:08:23,670 [ Breathing heavily ]
- 00:08:23,795 --> 00:08:26,381 Hello, Kyle. Going somewhere?
- 00:08:27,799 --> 00:08:30,594 I was -- I was just going to get a drink of water.
- 00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:33,222 No need. I have one for you right here.
- 00:08:34,223 --> 00:08:37,017 Oh. Okay. Thanks.
- 00:08:37,142 --> 00:08:38,894 Is there anything else I can get for you?
- 00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:41,438 No. I'll just be going back to bed now.
- 00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:44,066 You do that. Good night, Kyle.
- 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:50,864 Josh Meyers T.P.'d over 600 houses in less than a year.
- 00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:52,115 He's a real monster.
- 00:08:52,241 --> 00:08:53,951 I just need to talk to someone
- 00:08:54,076 --> 00:08:56,495 who knows how toilet-paperers think.
- 00:08:56,620 --> 00:08:57,621 Just remember --
- 00:08:57,746 --> 00:09:01,291 He'd toilet-paper you in a second if he had the chance.
- 00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:04,169 He's the last cell on your left.
- 00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:06,380 [ Door closes, latch clicks ]
- 00:09:06,505 --> 00:09:09,132 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- 00:09:15,514 --> 00:09:17,891 Hello, Josh. My name is Officer Barbrady.
- 00:09:18,016 --> 00:09:19,810 I'm with the South Park police.
- 00:09:19,935 --> 00:09:22,062 [ British accent ] That's a terrible cologne you're wearing, Officer.
- 00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:24,565 You should try something more...casual.
- 00:09:24,690 --> 00:09:28,110 I was hoping you could help me solve a toilet-papering case.
- 00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:29,278 And why would I do that?
- 00:09:29,403 --> 00:09:31,446 Because I'm such a charming fella?
- 00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:34,908 Uh, please. I need your help. What would you want in return?
- 00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:37,911 Due to the harsh nature of my crimes,
- 00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:40,414 they don't allow me to have toilet paper in my cell.
- 00:09:40,539 --> 00:09:42,583 You can imagine how bothersome that becomes.
- 00:09:42,708 --> 00:09:45,419 You know I can't give you toilet paper, Josh.
- 00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:48,422 No, but it was worth a try, wasn't it?
- 00:09:48,547 --> 00:09:49,756 Tell me something, Officer --
- 00:09:49,881 --> 00:09:51,550 Why is it that you police such a small town?
- 00:09:51,675 --> 00:09:52,968 You must have had larger inspirations.
- 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,596 What happened to those big-city dreams?
- 00:09:55,721 --> 00:09:57,472 Well, that's kind of personal.
- 00:09:57,598 --> 00:09:58,932 Quid pro quo, Officer.
- 00:09:59,057 --> 00:10:00,559 Tell me what I want to know,
- 00:10:00,684 --> 00:10:04,438 and I'll help you catch whoever toilet-papered that house.
- 00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,941 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- 00:10:08,066 --> 00:10:09,693 Look, kid, I have very little time
- 00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:11,987 to catch whoever toilet-papered that house.
- 00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,363 Tell me what you know.
- 00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:14,990 Are those the crime-scene photos?
- 00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,116 Let me see them.
- 00:10:20,329 --> 00:10:22,372 Yes. Yes.
- 00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:24,333 Not bad work. Not bad at all.
- 00:10:24,458 --> 00:10:25,959 These toilet-paperers are professionals --
- 00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:27,252 at least one of them is.
- 00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:29,504 So you think there was more than one. Why?
- 00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:30,839 Tell me something first.
- 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:33,258 When you went to the academy, you had something to prove, you wanted
- 00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:35,135 to protect and serve, but mostly you just wanted to protect yourself.
- 00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:37,846 Who were you protecting yourself from, Officer Barbrady?
- 00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:38,680 All right! All right!
- 00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,641 My Uncle Charles used to hit me with a belt!
- 00:10:40,766 --> 00:10:42,225 [ Sobs ]
- 00:10:42,351 --> 00:10:43,268 Thank you.
- 00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:45,187 Your toilet-paperers are most like males
- 00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:47,230 between the ages of 8 and 10 and probably virgins.
- 00:10:47,356 --> 00:10:48,774 Parents notice that much toilet paper missing,
- 00:10:48,899 --> 00:10:50,233 so they would've bought it themselves.
- 00:10:50,359 --> 00:10:51,902 Find out where the toilet paper came from,
- 00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:53,570 and you just might catch your man.
- 00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:55,280 [ Bell rings ]
- 00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:58,909 Stan, Kenny, can I talk to you guys for a second?
- 00:10:59,034 --> 00:11:00,952 I think we have the counselor and principal fooled,
- 00:11:01,078 --> 00:11:02,663 but we need to talk about Kyle.
- 00:11:02,788 --> 00:11:04,414 - What about him? - Come on. You know.
- 00:11:04,539 --> 00:11:05,791 He's losing it. He's gonna crack.
- 00:11:05,916 --> 00:11:06,792 Mrph rmhmhm rm.
- 00:11:06,917 --> 00:11:08,877 Kyle can't take the heat. He's gonna sing like a canary.
- 00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,587 Then we're all gonna take the fall for what we did.
- 00:11:10,712 --> 00:11:12,172 Hey, fellas!
- 00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:13,590 Butters.
- 00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:16,468 [ Sniffs ]
- 00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:18,470 [ Clears throat ]
- 00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:22,557 [ Indistinct conversations, lockers closing ]
- 00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:24,476 Look, all it takes is for one of us to crack,
- 00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:26,144 and we all know who the weakest link is.
- 00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:27,145 So what should we do?
- 00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:30,148 We have no choice. We have to kill Kyle.
- 00:11:30,732 --> 00:11:32,526 Dude, we're not killing Kyle! - Mrph!
- 00:11:32,651 --> 00:11:35,070 Why not? - Kyle's not gonna say anything.
- 00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,905 He almost spilled the beans in the counselor's office.
- 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,281 He can't even keep the story straight.
- 00:11:38,407 --> 00:11:39,783 I'm telling you guys, he's weak.
- 00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:42,119 He's weak, and he'll be the end of all of us.
- 00:11:42,244 --> 00:11:43,995 [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:11:44,121 --> 00:11:46,081 You wanted to see me, Officer Barbrady?
- 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:47,708 Yes. Thanks for coming, Mr. Bell.
- 00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:49,292 A house was T.P.'d in South Park,
- 00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:51,753 and I need to see if you can identify the toilet paper
- 00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:53,213 I recovered from the scene.
- 00:11:53,338 --> 00:11:56,091 I'm sorry I have to do this.
- 00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:58,218 [ Both gasp, cough ]
- 00:11:58,343 --> 00:11:59,428 Oh, my God.
- 00:11:59,553 --> 00:12:02,055 Is this toilet paper from your store?
- 00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:05,100 It's...difficult to tell. It's so decayed.
- 00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:06,435 I...wait a minute. Yes.
- 00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,645 Yes, I recognize the floral pattern now.
- 00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:10,313 Positive I.D. on the toilet paper.
- 00:12:10,439 --> 00:12:12,399 Who would do this to toilet paper? Who?
- 00:12:12,524 --> 00:12:14,526 Mr. Bell, do you remember anyone suspicious
- 00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,570 buying toilet paper in the last few days?
- 00:12:16,695 --> 00:12:17,821 Suspicious like how?
- 00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:21,450 Well, like someone who was black or Mexican or Middle-Eastern.
- 00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:24,536 No, the only Mexican guy I recall bought toaster tarts and chips.
- 00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:27,581 And we don't allow Middle- Eastern people in the store.
- 00:12:27,706 --> 00:12:29,332 Oh my God.
- 00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:32,169 [ Insects chirping ]
- 00:12:32,294 --> 00:12:33,712 What's this all about, Cartman?
- 00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:35,672 I just wanted to see how you're doing, Kyle.
- 00:12:35,797 --> 00:12:37,174 Why don't we go out for a little boat ride?
- 00:12:37,299 --> 00:12:38,008 A boat ride?
- 00:12:38,133 --> 00:12:40,177 I just thought we should find a private place to talk.
- 00:12:40,302 --> 00:12:41,511 Well, okay.
- 00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:44,181 Could you help me put this block and chain in the boat?
- 00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:52,481 Okay. Let's go.
- 00:12:53,482 --> 00:12:56,985 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- 00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:02,491 So, how are things, Kyle?
- 00:13:02,616 --> 00:13:03,533 Terrible.
- 00:13:03,658 --> 00:13:05,911 Every time I close my eyes, I see the house we T.P.'d.
- 00:13:06,036 --> 00:13:07,370 I see the tears of our art teacher
- 00:13:07,496 --> 00:13:09,122 and hear the screams of her daughters.
- 00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:11,666 And you feel like you have to confess.
- 00:13:11,792 --> 00:13:12,876 I don't know what to do.
- 00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:15,212 Part of me feels like I have to end it all now,
- 00:13:15,337 --> 00:13:17,464 tell people what happened.
- 00:13:17,589 --> 00:13:20,717 You know, I never noticed how beautiful this pond was before.
- 00:13:20,842 --> 00:13:22,010 So calm.
- 00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,720 The world can be like that --
- 00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:28,016 so calm on the outside, as if nothing bad ever happens.
- 00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,142 [ Thunk ]
- 00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:30,227 Ow.
- 00:13:30,352 --> 00:13:31,978 What the hell are you doing, Cartman?
- 00:13:32,103 --> 00:13:32,979 I'm killing you,
- 00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:34,481 but unfortunately I could only afford a Wiffle bat,
- 00:13:34,606 --> 00:13:35,482 so it's gonna take a while.
- 00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:36,817 [ Thunk ] Cartman!
- 00:13:36,942 --> 00:13:38,318 Don't fight it, Kyle. It will only take longer.
- 00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:39,903 Just slip into sweet unconsciousness.
- 00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:41,112 [ Thunk ]
- 00:13:41,238 --> 00:13:42,739 You want to kill me? Fine!
- 00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:45,408 I can't live like this anymore! Go ahead!
- 00:13:45,534 --> 00:13:46,868 Do it.
- 00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:49,955 [ Thunk ]
- 00:13:54,584 --> 00:13:56,795 Won't be long now, Kyle.
- 00:13:57,796 --> 00:13:59,923 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- 00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:02,092 Josh, I need more help.
- 00:14:02,217 --> 00:14:04,719 The answer is right in front of you, but you can't see it.
- 00:14:04,845 --> 00:14:05,887 How do you mean?
- 00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:08,765 Tell me. The toilet paper -- Was it quilted?
- 00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:09,683 Yes.
- 00:14:09,808 --> 00:14:12,435 Single-sheet? - No, two-ply.
- 00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:14,479 What? What does that tell you?
- 00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:18,149 Why does one toilet-paper a house, Officer?
- 00:14:18,275 --> 00:14:19,985 To get revenge.
- 00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:21,820 No. That is incidental.
- 00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:24,573 Your toilet-paperers wanted to transform the teacher's house,
- 00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:26,700 thus transforming her entire occupation.
- 00:14:26,825 --> 00:14:27,826 What do you mean?
- 00:14:27,951 --> 00:14:30,245 Your uncle who hit you with a belt -- Was he a large man?
- 00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:31,955 I don't have time for this, kid.
- 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:33,874 Did he stink like beer when he came home from work
- 00:14:33,999 --> 00:14:36,167 all tired from playing down at the pool house?
- 00:14:36,293 --> 00:14:36,918 All right! All right!
- 00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:39,170 My dad dressed me up like a little girl on poker nights
- 00:14:39,296 --> 00:14:41,464 and made me sit on all my uncles' laps!
- 00:14:41,590 --> 00:14:44,301 [ Sobs ]
- 00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:45,802 Whoa.
- 00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:47,721 Uh, oh--thank you.
- 00:14:47,846 --> 00:14:49,639 Your toilet-paperers are most likely students
- 00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:50,682 in the art teacher's class,
- 00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:52,183 students who aren't very good at art.
- 00:14:52,309 --> 00:14:54,978 Oh. Of course. One of her students!
- 00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:57,606 Fly along now, Officer Barbrady. You've got some arrests to make.
- 00:14:57,731 --> 00:14:59,357 Fly, fly, fly. Fly, fly, fly.
- 00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:05,488 Josh, were you doing the silly voice for the policeman again?
- 00:15:05,614 --> 00:15:06,573 [ Normal voice ] No, sir.
- 00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:08,033 [ Thunk ]
- 00:15:08,158 --> 00:15:10,368 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- 00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:16,833 Cartman, what are you doing? - I'm getting rid of our problem.
- 00:15:16,958 --> 00:15:18,627 Kyle will be dead in a matter of hours.
- 00:15:18,752 --> 00:15:20,211 [ Thunk ]
- 00:15:20,337 --> 00:15:21,504 You don't have to kill Kyle, dude.
- 00:15:21,630 --> 00:15:23,840 The police made an arrest, and the person confessed!
- 00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:25,425 They did? - They did?
- 00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:27,802 They say they got the guy that did it at the police station.
- 00:15:27,928 --> 00:15:30,096 Who confessed? That doesn't make any sense.
- 00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:32,349 But can I still kill Kyle?
- 00:15:33,642 --> 00:15:36,645 [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:38,897 Hello, boys. How are you?
- 00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:40,315 We heard that you have the person
- 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:41,566 who T.P.'d the art teacher's house.
- 00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:43,693 Is that true? - It sure is.
- 00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:46,446 Uh, could we see them -- him -- her?
- 00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:47,948 Right over here.
- 00:15:48,073 --> 00:15:50,784 Yeah, we interrogated the suspect for over 40 hours,
- 00:15:50,909 --> 00:15:52,661 and he finally cracked.
- 00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:54,162 Hey, fellas!
- 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:55,246 Butters?
- 00:15:55,372 --> 00:15:57,332 Yep. I'm in jail.
- 00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:58,667 You confessed?
- 00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:01,294 Uh-huh. Uh, they said I T.P.'d the art teacher's house.
- 00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:04,005 I don't seem to remember it, but they're pretty sure it was me.
- 00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:06,383 I just can't get my behavior under control.
- 00:16:06,508 --> 00:16:08,593 His parents are on their way down now.
- 00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:11,096 Yeah. And, boy, are they gonna let me have it.
- 00:16:11,221 --> 00:16:13,098 Just wait till my father gets here.
- 00:16:13,223 --> 00:16:15,266 You guys, we can't let him do this.
- 00:16:15,392 --> 00:16:17,352 What are you talking about? This is a gift from God.
- 00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:18,853 An early Easter present all wrapped up
- 00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:21,147 with a pretty ribbon from Jesus Christ himself.
- 00:16:21,272 --> 00:16:22,983 I'm just a little asshole is what I am.
- 00:16:23,108 --> 00:16:23,942 When God made me,
- 00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:25,694 He must have not been paying very close attention,
- 00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:28,196 'cause I turned out wrong -- just plain wrong.
- 00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:30,365 Officer Barbrady, Butters didn't T.P. that house.
- 00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:31,366 Why do you say that?
- 00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:33,326 Because it was -- - Wiffle ball, anyone?
- 00:16:33,451 --> 00:16:35,537 Anyone care for a nice game of Wiffle ball?
- 00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,664 You know, it's not my parents I'm worried about.
- 00:16:37,789 --> 00:16:39,082 It's my girlfriend, Carrie.
- 00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:40,208 Well, she lives in Michigan.
- 00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:41,584 But when she finds out about this,
- 00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:43,670 whoo, smokies, is she gonna be sore.
- 00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:45,213 She might even break up with me.
- 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:46,756 And it would serve me right, too.
- 00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:48,633 All right, boys. Visiting time is over.
- 00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:50,176 Thanks for stopping by.
- 00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:52,804 [ Birds chirping ]
- 00:16:52,929 --> 00:16:55,306 You see, you guys? It all worked itself out.
- 00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:57,767 Ta-dow. Ta-dow. How do you like me now?
- 00:16:57,892 --> 00:16:59,394 Feel a little silly now, Kyle?
- 00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:00,979 Ta-dow. How do you like me now?
- 00:17:01,104 --> 00:17:02,564 I still feel bad, Cartman.
- 00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:05,191 What? How -- How can you feel bad?
- 00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:06,985 Somebody else is gonna pay for our crime.
- 00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:09,571 Yeah. That makes it even worse.
- 00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:11,114 Buh...
- 00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:14,200 Uh, K-Kyle, you don't seem to understand.
- 00:17:14,325 --> 00:17:16,453 W-We're not gonna get punished for this, ever.
- 00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:18,038 I know.
- 00:17:18,747 --> 00:17:21,624 S-- So then how can you feel bad?
- 00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:23,001 He feels guilty for doing it
- 00:17:23,126 --> 00:17:25,670 and for letting someone else pay for it.
- 00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:27,213 But he's not gonna get in trouble.
- 00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:28,840 It doesn't matter if you get in trouble or not.
- 00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:30,050 You can still feel bad.
- 00:17:30,175 --> 00:17:32,093 I think you're right, Kyle. Maybe we should confess.
- 00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:33,219 Mrph. Rm mrprhm.
- 00:17:33,344 --> 00:17:35,680 What? D-- You guys.
- 00:17:35,805 --> 00:17:37,348 There's nothing to feel bad about.
- 00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:38,600 We're off scot-free!
- 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:41,144 We feel bad for other people.
- 00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:44,856 For o-- For --
- 00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:46,691 [ Grunts ] Ow.
- 00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:50,653 I-Is it that you think you might get in trouble <i>later?</i>
- 00:17:50,779 --> 00:17:52,781 Tomorrow in school, we'll tell the art teacher it was us
- 00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:53,907 and let her decide what to do.
- 00:17:54,032 --> 00:17:55,867 And, Cartman, if you have any thread of a conscience at all,
- 00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:56,868 you'll do the same.
- 00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:59,037 [ Stammers, sighs ]
- 00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:02,207 Freakin' weirdos, man.
- 00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:05,210 Well, well, well. I had to see it to believe it.
- 00:18:05,335 --> 00:18:06,377 Hi, Dad.
- 00:18:06,503 --> 00:18:08,254 Don't you "Hi, Dad" me.
- 00:18:08,379 --> 00:18:12,050 Look at you, standing behind prison bars -- again!
- 00:18:12,175 --> 00:18:12,967 Yeah.
- 00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:14,928 What fibs have you been telling this policeman, Butters?
- 00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:17,597 You know damn well you didn't toilet-paper that house.
- 00:18:17,722 --> 00:18:18,264 Huh?
- 00:18:18,389 --> 00:18:20,266 Butters was with us all night, Officer Barbrady.
- 00:18:20,391 --> 00:18:21,518 Butters, what have we told you
- 00:18:21,643 --> 00:18:23,436 about confessing to crimes you didn't commit?
- 00:18:23,561 --> 00:18:24,479 We have had it, mister!
- 00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:26,272 Well, they kept accusing me for hours,
- 00:18:26,397 --> 00:18:28,441 and then he shot me up with sodium pentothal.
- 00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:29,984 And that's your excuse?
- 00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:31,569 Well, looks like I made a mistake.
- 00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:33,530 I guess I better let you out now.
- 00:18:33,655 --> 00:18:36,199 Just wait till we get you home, you little fibber!
- 00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:38,785 Officer, can I stay in jail, please?
- 00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:41,538 Come on, you guys! Hurry!
- 00:18:41,663 --> 00:18:42,705 What is it, Cartman?
- 00:18:42,831 --> 00:18:45,083 It's over this way. Come on!
- 00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:47,961 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- 00:18:51,422 --> 00:18:53,466 So, how are things, guys?
- 00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:55,802 Cartman, we're confessing tomorrow, and that's final.
- 00:18:55,927 --> 00:18:57,595 I'm afraid I can't let that happen.
- 00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,264 You can't kill all three of us, Cartman.
- 00:18:59,389 --> 00:19:00,557 Can't I?
- 00:19:00,682 --> 00:19:02,684 [ Thunk ]
- 00:19:07,564 --> 00:19:08,857 Excuse me, everyone.
- 00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:11,401 I have someone with me who can tell us all
- 00:19:11,526 --> 00:19:13,611 who toilet-papered the art teacher's house!
- 00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:15,238 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- 00:19:15,363 --> 00:19:16,948 Josh insisted he be able
- 00:19:17,073 --> 00:19:19,701 to tell you the names of the toilet-paperers in person.
- 00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,452 Uh, that's nice, Officer Barbrady,
- 00:19:21,578 --> 00:19:23,955 but we actually don't need -- - Hold it!
- 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:26,291 Principal Victoria, Mr. Mackey, Mrs. Dreible,
- 00:19:26,416 --> 00:19:28,293 we have something we need to tell you.
- 00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:31,045 All right. Will you people stop barging into my office, please?
- 00:19:31,171 --> 00:19:32,255 What's the matter, Principal Victoria?
- 00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:33,256 Was your mother abusive?
- 00:19:33,381 --> 00:19:34,716 Did she spank your thighs with cold cuts
- 00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:36,426 and stick umbrellas up your ass?
- 00:19:36,551 --> 00:19:37,635 Get him out of here.
- 00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,346 Uh, Policeman Brown, will you take Josh outside, please?
- 00:19:40,471 --> 00:19:42,557 Ooh. Policeman Brown. Never quite made officer.
- 00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,100 Why is that, Policeman Brown?
- 00:19:44,225 --> 00:19:46,019 We have to confess that we were the ones that --
- 00:19:46,144 --> 00:19:47,562 It's too late, boys, m'kay?
- 00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:49,355 We already know everything.
- 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,983 You -- You do? How?
- 00:19:52,108 --> 00:19:53,651 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- 00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:54,861 Hi, guys.
- 00:19:54,986 --> 00:19:55,820 Cartman?
- 00:19:55,945 --> 00:19:57,739 I told them everything, guys. It's over.
- 00:19:57,864 --> 00:19:59,908 Luckily for us, one of you had enough of a conscience
- 00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:00,909 to come forward.
- 00:20:01,034 --> 00:20:02,785 My consciousness just caught up with me.
- 00:20:02,911 --> 00:20:03,786 That's not fair!
- 00:20:03,912 --> 00:20:05,622 You all get two weeks of detention,
- 00:20:05,747 --> 00:20:08,082 except for Eric, who gets one week for being brave.
- 00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:10,627 B-But he's lying! He doesn't have a conscience!
- 00:20:10,752 --> 00:20:12,670 Well, I guess my work here is done.
- 00:20:12,795 --> 00:20:16,174 After all this, I'm gonna need a long vacation.
- 00:20:16,299 --> 00:20:17,926 This was supposed to be <i>my</i> story,
- 00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:19,928 <i>my</i> coming to terms with a guilty conscience.
- 00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:21,512 This isn't fair!
- 00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:23,514 Okay, Josh. Time to go back to the --
- 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,433 - [ Dramatic music plays ] - Oh, no!
- 00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:28,353 H-He was too fast for me. He ran out the door!
- 00:20:28,478 --> 00:20:30,939 Well, couldn't you have gone after him?
- 00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:33,149 Well, I-I'm covered in toilet paper.
- 00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:34,943 I'd look silly.
- 00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:36,819 [ Bell rings ]
- 00:20:36,945 --> 00:20:38,404 Welcome to detention.
- 00:20:38,529 --> 00:20:40,323 You will be here until 5:00,
- 00:20:40,448 --> 00:20:43,576 so make good study use of your time, m'kay?
- 00:20:43,701 --> 00:20:44,786 Oof. Two weeks of this.
- 00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:47,121 Yeah. But I have to say I feel a lot better now.
- 00:20:47,247 --> 00:20:48,289 I know what you mean, Kyle.
- 00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:50,500 I realize now that even though you might not get caught
- 00:20:50,625 --> 00:20:52,710 doing something bad, you can still get caught later.
- 00:20:52,835 --> 00:20:53,544 Oh, Jesus.
- 00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:55,922 I didn't feel bad before, but now I just feel terrible.
- 00:20:56,047 --> 00:20:58,299 You just feel bad for yourself that you're in detention.
- 00:20:58,424 --> 00:20:59,133 Right.
- 00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:00,718 I guess I learned today that sometimes you --
- 00:21:00,843 --> 00:21:02,345 Oh, stop it, Cartman. You didn't learn anything.
- 00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:04,847 Not a goddamn thing.
- 00:21:04,973 --> 00:21:06,266 Hmm.
- 00:21:08,017 --> 00:21:09,560 [ Telephone rings ]
- 00:21:09,686 --> 00:21:11,312 Police station.
- 00:21:11,437 --> 00:21:12,981 Hello, Officer Barbrady.
- 00:21:13,106 --> 00:21:15,358 Josh? Josh, where are you?
- 00:21:15,483 --> 00:21:16,985 I'm afraid that giving away my location
- 00:21:17,110 --> 00:21:18,653 might be harmful to my freedom, Officer.
- 00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:19,696 I just wanted to thank you
- 00:21:19,821 --> 00:21:21,364 for helping me get out of that dingy cell.
- 00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:23,408 Josh, you have to go back to juvenile hall.
- 00:21:23,533 --> 00:21:25,159 You only have a three-week sentence.
- 00:21:25,285 --> 00:21:26,286 Sorry, Officer. Got to run.
- 00:21:26,411 --> 00:21:27,704 There's something I've been meaning to do
- 00:21:27,829 --> 00:21:28,705 for quite some time.
- 00:21:28,830 --> 00:21:29,539 Ciao.
- 00:21:29,664 --> 00:21:32,083 [ Suspenseful music plays ]
Скриншоты
