Туалетная бумага

00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:13,806

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:15,599

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:18,602

♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,604

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:20,730 --> 00:00:22,023

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

00:00:22,148 --> 00:00:25,401

♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:28,904

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:33,200

♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:39,206

Okay.

Good, children, good.

00:00:39,331 --> 00:00:41,125

Remember to feel the clay.

00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:42,793

Be one with the clay.

00:00:42,918 --> 00:00:43,919

Nice.

Uh-huh.

00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:48,758

Put more clay on the balls.

00:00:48,883 --> 00:00:51,302

Boys!

What is that?

00:00:51,427 --> 00:00:52,636

A reindeer?

00:00:52,762 --> 00:00:53,763

You know, I've had it!

00:00:53,888 --> 00:00:56,390

You four boys never take

art class seriously!

00:00:56,515 --> 00:00:57,391

What a crime.

00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:00,436

You think art is not important?

00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,855

Well, art's just kind of...

for gaywads.

00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:04,106

I love art class!

00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:05,107

See?

00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:06,942

Do you think this is funny?!

00:01:07,068 --> 00:01:10,029

Do you think this is funny,

huh?!

00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,451

Well, you four can

just spend your afternoon

00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:17,620

after school here,

making new pottery!

00:01:19,622 --> 00:01:20,664

You can't do that.

00:01:20,790 --> 00:01:22,416

I certainly can.

I'm your teacher.

00:01:22,541 --> 00:01:25,127

You're an art teacher.

- Make it two hours.

00:01:26,879 --> 00:01:28,756

Mrs. Dreible thinks

she's so cool.

00:01:28,881 --> 00:01:30,341

How dare she talk to us

like that?

00:01:30,466 --> 00:01:31,383

Mrph rmhmhm rm.

00:01:31,509 --> 00:01:33,302

We can't let her get away

with this.

00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:35,721

I think tonight we need to do

something drastic.

00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:36,680

Like what?

00:01:36,806 --> 00:01:38,599

Like find out

where Mrs. Dreible lives

00:01:38,724 --> 00:01:42,728

and go over there and...

T.P. her house.

00:01:43,562 --> 00:01:45,064

Mrph!

- T.P. her house?

00:01:45,189 --> 00:01:47,191

Toilet paper.

Cover her house in toilet paper.

00:01:47,316 --> 00:01:48,275

Oh.

00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:50,027

What's the matter, Kyle?

You chicken?

00:01:53,531 --> 00:01:55,533

Quiet, boys.

This isn't playtime.

00:01:55,658 --> 00:01:56,909

You're being punished.

00:01:57,034 --> 00:01:59,954

Fine. But we'll have the last

laugh tonight, art whore.

00:02:00,079 --> 00:02:02,498

Yeah.

Payback time, you ugly skank.

00:02:08,671 --> 00:02:11,173

You think that's enough?

- Should be fine.

00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:12,758

Don't you guys think

this is a little suspicious?

00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:14,510

We should buy something else

so it doesn't look obvious.

00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:15,219

Okay.

00:02:15,344 --> 00:02:18,180

Here we go --

pack of chewing gum.

00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:20,057

Hello, boys.

Find everything you need?

00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:21,225

Yep.

All set.

00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:23,519

Okay. Let's see here.

Toilet paper.

00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,771

Toilet paper.

And toilet paper.

00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:28,440

Toilet paper.

Toilet paper.

00:02:28,566 --> 00:02:30,234

So, what are you kids up to

tonight?

00:02:30,359 --> 00:02:32,862

Oh, we're just gonna watch some

TV, maybe play a board game.

00:02:32,987 --> 00:02:34,405

Nice, relaxing night at home,

huh?

00:02:34,530 --> 00:02:36,198

Toilet paper.

Toilet paper.

00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:37,408

And toilet paper.

00:02:37,533 --> 00:02:39,201

H-Hey.

00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:41,412

Now, you kids be careful

with this chewing gum.

00:02:41,537 --> 00:02:43,038

Don't go sticking it

under tables.

00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:43,914

Okay.

00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:45,457

Okay.

Toilet paper.

00:02:45,583 --> 00:02:48,043

Toilet paper.

Toilet paper.

00:02:48,169 --> 00:02:50,462

You know, son, I remember you

coming in last week

00:02:50,588 --> 00:02:52,006

and buying this much

toilet paper.

00:02:52,131 --> 00:02:53,424

Oh, yeah.

That -- That's right.

00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:55,551

Toilet paper.

Toilet paper.

00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,344

You T.P.'d a house

last week, Cartman?

00:02:57,469 --> 00:02:59,138

No. Last Thursday night

was fajitas night.

00:02:59,263 --> 00:03:01,140

Oh.

Ugh.

00:03:06,187 --> 00:03:07,354

Is this the right house?

00:03:07,479 --> 00:03:09,148

It's the right address.

Wait. Look there.

00:03:09,273 --> 00:03:11,734

There's Mrs. Dreible.

This is the place.

00:03:13,277 --> 00:03:14,945

Oh, wait, wait.

There's kids inside.

00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:15,946

So?

00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:17,865

So I'm not T.P.'ing a house

with kids inside it.

00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:19,200

Kyle, we all agreed to do this.

00:03:19,325 --> 00:03:20,993

We didn't say nothing

about no kids, man.

00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:22,286

Kyle, you're being an asshole.

00:03:22,411 --> 00:03:24,788

Now let's do this thing

and get out of here.

00:03:24,914 --> 00:03:26,957

Here's what I think of your

art class, you Goddamn bitch!

00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:28,876

Mrph. Mrph rhrmprhm.

00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:54,902

Come on!

Let's go!

00:03:56,028 --> 00:03:57,363

What have we done?

00:03:57,488 --> 00:03:59,114

Let's go, Kyle!

00:04:06,497 --> 00:04:09,333

We're -- We're in trouble.

We're in so much trouble.

00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:11,460

Aw, man, that was so awesome!

00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:12,628

How can you say that?

00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,004

Did you see what we did

to their house?

00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:15,714

It'll take them days

to clean that up.

00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:16,423

Who cares?

00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:18,801

Well, you don't, because you're

an uncaring asshole, Cartman.

00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:20,761

Me?

00:04:20,886 --> 00:04:23,514

There's toilet paper

on your hands, too, Kyle.

00:04:23,639 --> 00:04:25,599

Cartman's right, Kyle.

00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:27,559

We're all in this together.

00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:30,854

No.

00:04:30,980 --> 00:04:32,147

No.

00:04:32,273 --> 00:04:34,191

No!

00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:38,112

Honey, what is it?

00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:40,698

Oh, Jesus, no!

Our house!

00:04:40,823 --> 00:04:43,659

Mommy. Mommy.

- Mommy. Mommy.

00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:47,162

Why? Why?

00:04:47,288 --> 00:04:50,207

Aah. Oh, God. Oh, God.

00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,713

Hey, did you guys hear

what happened last night?

00:04:55,838 --> 00:04:58,007

Mrs. Dreible's house

got covered with toilet paper.

00:04:58,132 --> 00:05:00,551

Yeah. They say it's gonna take

three weeks to get it all down.

00:05:00,676 --> 00:05:03,387

Yeah. Well, old Mrs. Dreible

probably had it coming to her.

00:05:03,512 --> 00:05:04,430

I don't know.

00:05:04,555 --> 00:05:06,974

I don't think anybody deserves

that kind of brutality.

00:05:07,099 --> 00:05:09,184

Well, I understand the people

who did it weren't caught,

00:05:09,310 --> 00:05:11,103

so looks like nobody

will ever know the geniuses

00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:12,604

who masterminded

that perfect crime.

00:05:14,148 --> 00:05:16,442

Okay, children,

let's take our seats.

00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:18,068

Oh, uh, Stan, Kyle,

Eric, and Kenny,

00:05:18,193 --> 00:05:20,029

the counselor wants to see you

in his office, now.

00:05:20,154 --> 00:05:20,988

Damn.

00:05:21,113 --> 00:05:22,072

Oh, God.

00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:24,616

How the hell did they find out

00:05:24,742 --> 00:05:26,076

it was us that T.P.'d

that house?

00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:28,037

Will you relax, Kyle?

They've got nothing on us.

00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:30,122

As long as we all stick

to our story, we'll be fine.

00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:32,458

We'd better go over our story

again so we don't screw it up.

00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:34,168

Okay, last night, all four of us

00:05:34,293 --> 00:05:36,253

were at the bowling alley

until about 7:30,

00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:37,713

at which time we noticed

Ally Sheedy,

00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:38,964

the goth chick

from "The Breakfast Club,"

00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:39,965

was in the lane next to us,

00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:41,175

and we asked her

for her autograph,

00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:43,010

but she didn't have a pen,

so we followed her to her car,

00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:44,636

but on the way, we were accosted

by five Scientologists

00:05:44,762 --> 00:05:46,055

who wanted to give us all

personality tests,

00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:47,931

which were administered at the

Scientology center in Denver

00:05:48,057 --> 00:05:48,766

until 10:45, at which time

00:05:48,891 --> 00:05:50,142

we accidentally boarded

the wrong bus home

00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:52,227

and ended up in Rancho de Fritas

Rojos, south of Castle Rock,

00:05:52,353 --> 00:05:53,604

and finally got a ride home

with a man

00:05:53,729 --> 00:05:55,606

who was missing his left index

finger, named Gary Bushwell,

00:05:55,731 --> 00:05:58,359

arriving home at 11:46.

00:05:58,484 --> 00:06:01,070

I'm confused. Did Ally Sheedy

take the personality test?

00:06:01,195 --> 00:06:01,945

Yes, dude.

00:06:02,071 --> 00:06:03,364

Kyle, it's very simple --

00:06:03,489 --> 00:06:04,698

We followed Ally Sheedy

out to her car,

00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:06,450

but on the way, we were accosted

by five Scientologists

00:06:06,575 --> 00:06:07,910

who wanted to give us all

personality tests,

00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:09,787

which were administered at the

Scientology center in Denver

00:06:09,912 --> 00:06:10,621

until 10:45, at which time

00:06:10,746 --> 00:06:12,039

we accidentally boarded

the wrong bus home

00:06:12,164 --> 00:06:13,957

and ended up in Rancho de Fritas

Rojos, south of Castle Rock,

00:06:14,083 --> 00:06:15,250

and finally got a ride home

with a man

00:06:15,376 --> 00:06:17,127

who was missing his left index

finger, named Gary Bushwell,

00:06:17,252 --> 00:06:18,837

arriving home at 11:46 --

You got it?

00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:21,632

Uh, I-I --

- Oh, for Christ's sake!

00:06:21,757 --> 00:06:23,217

Kyle, just let Cartman

do all the talking, okay?

00:06:23,342 --> 00:06:24,593

He's better at being in trouble

than anybody.

00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:25,594

Thank you, Stan.

00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,513

Shh, shh.

Here they come. Here they come.

00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:29,723

And so I said,

"That's a terrific joke, Wendy.

00:06:29,848 --> 00:06:31,016

Tell us another one."

00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:33,602

Oh, hello, Mr. Mackey.

Are you ready to see us now?

00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:36,313

We're gonna talk to you

one at a time, boys, m'kay?

00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:38,649

Kenny, will you step

into my office, please?

00:06:38,774 --> 00:06:39,400

Mrh?

00:06:39,525 --> 00:06:41,819

Come on, Kenny.

Let's go, m'kay?

00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:46,031

Touché, Mr. Mackey, touché.

00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,491

Why are they doing us

one at a time?

00:06:47,616 --> 00:06:49,076

They want to see

if we mix the story up

00:06:49,201 --> 00:06:50,953

and see if somebody

will rat out the other three

00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:51,912

for a better deal.

00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:53,080

I can get a better deal?

00:06:53,205 --> 00:06:55,249

Kyle, so help me God, if you

Jew us out on this one,

00:06:55,374 --> 00:06:56,458

I will fucking kill you.

00:06:58,043 --> 00:07:00,337

There we go. That should be

about the last of it.

00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:08,011

Ex-- Excuse me.

Uh, w-what are you doing?

00:07:08,137 --> 00:07:10,264

Crime scene investigation.

00:07:10,389 --> 00:07:12,307

There are several footprints

in the snow --

00:07:12,433 --> 00:07:13,976

perhaps more than one

perpetrator?

00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:16,937

Uh, look, we really don't want

to make a big deal out of this.

00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:18,439

Is that the toilet paper there?

00:07:18,564 --> 00:07:20,524

I'll need to take those bags

as evidence.

00:07:20,649 --> 00:07:22,359

Look, it's just not

that big a deal.

00:07:22,484 --> 00:07:25,487

I mean, I toilet-papered houses

myself when I was a kid.

00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:28,866

You? So where were you

last night at around 9:00?

00:07:28,991 --> 00:07:30,117

I was here.

00:07:30,242 --> 00:07:32,202

Aha!

Got you!

00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:34,872

Officer, why would I T.P.

my own house?

00:07:34,997 --> 00:07:36,248

Insurance?

00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:37,791

It wasn't me, okay?

00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:40,252

Now, if you don't mind, I want

to get my yard back to normal.

00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:41,503

Now, you listen to me.

00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:42,754

Whoever T.P.'d your house

00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:44,465

is still out there

roaming the streets.

00:07:44,590 --> 00:07:46,467

It's only a matter of time

before another house

00:07:46,592 --> 00:07:48,469

and another family

is victimized!

00:07:48,594 --> 00:07:50,929

I have to stop that

from happening.

00:07:51,054 --> 00:07:53,724

You really have nothing better

to do, do you?

00:07:53,849 --> 00:07:56,435

No, I do not.

00:07:58,270 --> 00:07:59,229

No.

00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:02,524

No. No.

00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:04,443

Aah.

00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:06,945

Oh, Jesus, no. Our house.

00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:09,281

Mommy! Mommy!

- Mommy! Mommy!

00:08:09,406 --> 00:08:14,036

Why? Why? Why?

00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:18,707

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:21,627

I have to tell the truth.

Mom!

00:08:23,795 --> 00:08:26,381

Hello, Kyle.

Going somewhere?

00:08:27,799 --> 00:08:30,594

I was -- I was just going

to get a drink of water.

00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:33,222

No need.

I have one for you right here.

00:08:34,223 --> 00:08:37,017

Oh. Okay.

Thanks.

00:08:37,142 --> 00:08:38,894

Is there anything else

I can get for you?

00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:41,438

No. I'll just be going

back to bed now.

00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:44,066

You do that.

Good night, Kyle.

00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:50,864

Josh Meyers T.P.'d over

600 houses in less than a year.

00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:52,115

He's a real monster.

00:08:52,241 --> 00:08:53,951

I just need to talk to someone

00:08:54,076 --> 00:08:56,495

who knows

how toilet-paperers think.

00:08:56,620 --> 00:08:57,621

Just remember --

00:08:57,746 --> 00:09:01,291

He'd toilet-paper you in

a second if he had the chance.

00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:04,169

He's the last cell on your left.

00:09:15,514 --> 00:09:17,891

Hello, Josh.

My name is Officer Barbrady.

00:09:18,016 --> 00:09:19,810

I'm with the South Park police.

00:09:19,935 --> 00:09:22,062

That's a

terrible cologne you're wearing, Officer.

00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:24,565

You should try something

more...casual.

00:09:24,690 --> 00:09:28,110

I was hoping you could help me

solve a toilet-papering case.

00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:29,278

And why would I do that?

00:09:29,403 --> 00:09:31,446

Because I'm such a charming

fella?

00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:34,908

Uh, please. I need your help.

What would you want in return?

00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:37,911

Due to the harsh nature

of my crimes,

00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:40,414

they don't allow me to have

toilet paper in my cell.

00:09:40,539 --> 00:09:42,583

You can imagine how bothersome

that becomes.

00:09:42,708 --> 00:09:45,419

You know I can't give you

toilet paper, Josh.

00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:48,422

No, but it was worth a try,

wasn't it?

00:09:48,547 --> 00:09:49,756

Tell me something, Officer --

00:09:49,881 --> 00:09:51,550

Why is it that you police

such a small town?

00:09:51,675 --> 00:09:52,968

You must have had

larger inspirations.

00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,596

What happened

to those big-city dreams?

00:09:55,721 --> 00:09:57,472

Well, that's kind of personal.

00:09:57,598 --> 00:09:58,932

Quid pro quo, Officer.

00:09:59,057 --> 00:10:00,559

Tell me what I want to know,

00:10:00,684 --> 00:10:04,438

and I'll help you catch whoever

toilet-papered that house.

00:10:08,066 --> 00:10:09,693

Look, kid,

I have very little time

00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:11,987

to catch whoever toilet-papered

that house.

00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,363

Tell me what you know.

00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:14,990

Are those the crime-scene

photos?

00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,116

Let me see them.

00:10:20,329 --> 00:10:22,372

Yes.

Yes.

00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:24,333

Not bad work.

Not bad at all.

00:10:24,458 --> 00:10:25,959

These toilet-paperers

are professionals --

00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:27,252

at least one of them is.

00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:29,504

So you think there was more

than one. Why?

00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:30,839

Tell me something first.

00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:33,258

When you went to the academy, you had

something to prove, you wanted

00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:35,135

to protect and serve, but mostly you just wanted

to protect yourself.

00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:37,846

Who were you protecting yourself

from, Officer Barbrady?

00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:38,680

All right!

All right!

00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,641

My Uncle Charles used to hit me

with a belt!

00:10:42,351 --> 00:10:43,268

Thank you.

00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:45,187

Your toilet-paperers

are most like males

00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:47,230

between the ages of 8 and 10

and probably virgins.

00:10:47,356 --> 00:10:48,774

Parents notice

that much toilet paper missing,

00:10:48,899 --> 00:10:50,233

so they would've bought it

themselves.

00:10:50,359 --> 00:10:51,902

Find out where the toilet paper

came from,

00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:53,570

and you just might catch

your man.

00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:58,909

Stan, Kenny, can I talk

to you guys for a second?

00:10:59,034 --> 00:11:00,952

I think we have the counselor

and principal fooled,

00:11:01,078 --> 00:11:02,663

but we need to talk about Kyle.

00:11:02,788 --> 00:11:04,414

- What about him?

- Come on. You know.

00:11:04,539 --> 00:11:05,791

He's losing it.

He's gonna crack.

00:11:05,916 --> 00:11:06,792

Mrph rmhmhm rm.

00:11:06,917 --> 00:11:08,877

Kyle can't take the heat.

He's gonna sing like a canary.

00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,587

Then we're all gonna take

the fall for what we did.

00:11:10,712 --> 00:11:12,172

Hey, fellas!

00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:13,590

Butters.

00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:24,476

Look, all it takes

is for one of us to crack,

00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:26,144

and we all know

who the weakest link is.

00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:27,145

So what should we do?

00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:30,148

We have no choice.

We have to kill Kyle.

00:11:30,732 --> 00:11:32,526

Dude, we're not killing Kyle!

- Mrph!

00:11:32,651 --> 00:11:35,070

Why not?

- Kyle's not gonna say anything.

00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,905

He almost spilled the beans

in the counselor's office.

00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,281

He can't even keep

the story straight.

00:11:38,407 --> 00:11:39,783

I'm telling you guys, he's weak.

00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:42,119

He's weak, and he'll be

the end of all of us.

00:11:44,121 --> 00:11:46,081

You wanted to see me,

Officer Barbrady?

00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:47,708

Yes.

Thanks for coming, Mr. Bell.

00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:49,292

A house was T.P.'d

in South Park,

00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:51,753

and I need to see if you can

identify the toilet paper

00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:53,213

I recovered from the scene.

00:11:53,338 --> 00:11:56,091

I'm sorry I have to do this.

00:11:58,343 --> 00:11:59,428

Oh, my God.

00:11:59,553 --> 00:12:02,055

Is this toilet paper

from your store?

00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:05,100

It's...difficult to tell.

It's so decayed.

00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:06,435

I...wait a minute.

Yes.

00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,645

Yes, I recognize

the floral pattern now.

00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:10,313

Positive I.D.

on the toilet paper.

00:12:10,439 --> 00:12:12,399

Who would do this

to toilet paper? Who?

00:12:12,524 --> 00:12:14,526

Mr. Bell, do you remember

anyone suspicious

00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,570

buying toilet paper

in the last few days?

00:12:16,695 --> 00:12:17,821

Suspicious like how?

00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:21,450

Well, like someone who was black

or Mexican or Middle-Eastern.

00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:24,536

No, the only Mexican guy I recall

bought toaster tarts and chips.

00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:27,581

And we don't allow Middle-

Eastern people in the store.

00:12:27,706 --> 00:12:29,332

Oh my God.

00:12:32,294 --> 00:12:33,712

What's this all about, Cartman?

00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:35,672

I just wanted to see

how you're doing, Kyle.

00:12:35,797 --> 00:12:37,174

Why don't we go out

for a little boat ride?

00:12:37,299 --> 00:12:38,008

A boat ride?

00:12:38,133 --> 00:12:40,177

I just thought we should find

a private place to talk.

00:12:40,302 --> 00:12:41,511

Well, okay.

00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:44,181

Could you help me put this block

and chain in the boat?

00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:52,481

Okay.

Let's go.

00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:02,491

So, how are things, Kyle?

00:13:02,616 --> 00:13:03,533

Terrible.

00:13:03,658 --> 00:13:05,911

Every time I close my eyes,

I see the house we T.P.'d.

00:13:06,036 --> 00:13:07,370

I see the tears

of our art teacher

00:13:07,496 --> 00:13:09,122

and hear the screams

of her daughters.

00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:11,666

And you feel like

you have to confess.

00:13:11,792 --> 00:13:12,876

I don't know what to do.

00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:15,212

Part of me feels

like I have to end it all now,

00:13:15,337 --> 00:13:17,464

tell people what happened.

00:13:17,589 --> 00:13:20,717

You know, I never noticed how

beautiful this pond was before.

00:13:20,842 --> 00:13:22,010

So calm.

00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,720

The world can be like that --

00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:28,016

so calm on the outside,

as if nothing bad ever happens.

00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:30,227

Ow.

00:13:30,352 --> 00:13:31,978

What the hell are you doing,

Cartman?

00:13:32,103 --> 00:13:32,979

I'm killing you,

00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:34,481

but unfortunately I could only

afford a Wiffle bat,

00:13:34,606 --> 00:13:35,482

so it's gonna take a while.

00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:36,817

Cartman!

00:13:36,942 --> 00:13:38,318

Don't fight it, Kyle.

It will only take longer.

00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:39,903

Just slip

into sweet unconsciousness.

00:13:41,238 --> 00:13:42,739

You want to kill me?

Fine!

00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:45,408

I can't live like this anymore!

Go ahead!

00:13:45,534 --> 00:13:46,868

Do it.

00:13:54,584 --> 00:13:56,795

Won't be long now, Kyle.

00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:02,092

Josh, I need more help.

00:14:02,217 --> 00:14:04,719

The answer is right in front

of you, but you can't see it.

00:14:04,845 --> 00:14:05,887

How do you mean?

00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:08,765

Tell me. The toilet paper --

Was it quilted?

00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:09,683

Yes.

00:14:09,808 --> 00:14:12,435

Single-sheet?

- No, two-ply.

00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:14,479

What?

What does that tell you?

00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:18,149

Why does one toilet-paper

a house, Officer?

00:14:18,275 --> 00:14:19,985

To get revenge.

00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:21,820

No. That is incidental.

00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:24,573

Your toilet-paperers wanted to

transform the teacher's house,

00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:26,700

thus transforming

her entire occupation.

00:14:26,825 --> 00:14:27,826

What do you mean?

00:14:27,951 --> 00:14:30,245

Your uncle who hit you with

a belt -- Was he a large man?

00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:31,955

I don't have time for this, kid.

00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:33,874

Did he stink like beer

when he came home from work

00:14:33,999 --> 00:14:36,167

all tired from playing

down at the pool house?

00:14:36,293 --> 00:14:36,918

All right!

All right!

00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:39,170

My dad dressed me up like

a little girl on poker nights

00:14:39,296 --> 00:14:41,464

and made me sit

on all my uncles' laps!

00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:45,802

Whoa.

00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:47,721

Uh, oh--thank you.

00:14:47,846 --> 00:14:49,639

Your toilet-paperers

are most likely students

00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:50,682

in the art teacher's class,

00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:52,183

students who aren't

very good at art.

00:14:52,309 --> 00:14:54,978

Oh. Of course.

One of her students!

00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:57,606

Fly along now, Officer Barbrady.

You've got some arrests to make.

00:14:57,731 --> 00:14:59,357

Fly, fly, fly.

Fly, fly, fly.

00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:05,488

Josh, were you doing the silly

voice for the policeman again?

00:15:05,614 --> 00:15:06,573

No, sir.

00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:16,833

Cartman, what are you doing?

- I'm getting rid of our problem.

00:15:16,958 --> 00:15:18,627

Kyle will be dead

in a matter of hours.

00:15:20,337 --> 00:15:21,504

You don't have

to kill Kyle, dude.

00:15:21,630 --> 00:15:23,840

The police made an arrest,

and the person confessed!

00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:25,425

They did?

- They did?

00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:27,802

They say they got the guy that

did it at the police station.

00:15:27,928 --> 00:15:30,096

Who confessed?

That doesn't make any sense.

00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:32,349

But can I still kill Kyle?

00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:38,897

Hello, boys.

How are you?

00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:40,315

We heard that you have

the person

00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:41,566

who T.P.'d

the art teacher's house.

00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:43,693

Is that true?

- It sure is.

00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:46,446

Uh, could we see them --

him -- her?

00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:47,948

Right over here.

00:15:48,073 --> 00:15:50,784

Yeah, we interrogated

the suspect for over 40 hours,

00:15:50,909 --> 00:15:52,661

and he finally cracked.

00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:54,162

Hey, fellas!

00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:55,246

Butters?

00:15:55,372 --> 00:15:57,332

Yep.

I'm in jail.

00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:58,667

You confessed?

00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:01,294

Uh-huh. Uh, they said I T.P.'d

the art teacher's house.

00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:04,005

I don't seem to remember it, but

they're pretty sure it was me.

00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:06,383

I just can't get my behavior

under control.

00:16:06,508 --> 00:16:08,593

His parents are

on their way down now.

00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:11,096

Yeah. And, boy,

are they gonna let me have it.

00:16:11,221 --> 00:16:13,098

Just wait till my father

gets here.

00:16:13,223 --> 00:16:15,266

You guys,

we can't let him do this.

00:16:15,392 --> 00:16:17,352

What are you talking about?

This is a gift from God.

00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:18,853

An early Easter present

all wrapped up

00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:21,147

with a pretty ribbon

from Jesus Christ himself.

00:16:21,272 --> 00:16:22,983

I'm just a little asshole

is what I am.

00:16:23,108 --> 00:16:23,942

When God made me,

00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:25,694

He must have not been paying

very close attention,

00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:28,196

'cause I turned out wrong --

just plain wrong.

00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:30,365

Officer Barbrady,

Butters didn't T.P. that house.

00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:31,366

Why do you say that?

00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:33,326

Because it was --

- Wiffle ball, anyone?

00:16:33,451 --> 00:16:35,537

Anyone care for a nice game

of Wiffle ball?

00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,664

You know, it's not my parents

I'm worried about.

00:16:37,789 --> 00:16:39,082

It's my girlfriend, Carrie.

00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:40,208

Well, she lives in Michigan.

00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:41,584

But when she finds out

about this,

00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:43,670

whoo, smokies,

is she gonna be sore.

00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:45,213

She might even break up with me.

00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:46,756

And it would serve me right,

too.

00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:48,633

All right, boys.

Visiting time is over.

00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:50,176

Thanks for stopping by.

00:16:52,929 --> 00:16:55,306

You see, you guys?

It all worked itself out.

00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:57,767

Ta-dow. Ta-dow.

How do you like me now?

00:16:57,892 --> 00:16:59,394

Feel a little silly now, Kyle?

00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:00,979

Ta-dow.

How do you like me now?

00:17:01,104 --> 00:17:02,564

I still feel bad, Cartman.

00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:05,191

What?

How -- How can you feel bad?

00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:06,985

Somebody else is gonna pay

for our crime.

00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:09,571

Yeah.

That makes it even worse.

00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:11,114

Buh...

00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:14,200

Uh, K-Kyle, you don't seem

to understand.

00:17:14,325 --> 00:17:16,453

W-We're not gonna get punished

for this, ever.

00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:18,038

I know.

00:17:18,747 --> 00:17:21,624

S--

So then how can you feel bad?

00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:23,001

He feels guilty for doing it

00:17:23,126 --> 00:17:25,670

and for letting someone else pay

for it.

00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:27,213

But he's not gonna get

in trouble.

00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:28,840

It doesn't matter

if you get in trouble or not.

00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:30,050

You can still feel bad.

00:17:30,175 --> 00:17:32,093

I think you're right, Kyle.

Maybe we should confess.

00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:33,219

Mrph.

Rm mrprhm.

00:17:33,344 --> 00:17:35,680

What?

D-- You guys.

00:17:35,805 --> 00:17:37,348

There's nothing

to feel bad about.

00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:38,600

We're off scot-free!

00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:41,144

We feel bad for other people.

00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:44,856

For o-- For --

00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:46,691

Ow.

00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:50,653

I-Is it that you think

you might get in trouble later?

00:17:50,779 --> 00:17:52,781

Tomorrow in school, we'll tell

the art teacher it was us

00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:53,907

and let her decide what to do.

00:17:54,032 --> 00:17:55,867

And, Cartman, if you have any

thread of a conscience at all,

00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:56,868

you'll do the same.

00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:02,207

Freakin' weirdos, man.

00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:05,210

Well, well, well.

I had to see it to believe it.

00:18:05,335 --> 00:18:06,377

Hi, Dad.

00:18:06,503 --> 00:18:08,254

Don't you "Hi, Dad" me.

00:18:08,379 --> 00:18:12,050

Look at you, standing

behind prison bars -- again!

00:18:12,175 --> 00:18:12,967

Yeah.

00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:14,928

What fibs have you been telling

this policeman, Butters?

00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:17,597

You know damn well you didn't

toilet-paper that house.

00:18:17,722 --> 00:18:18,264

Huh?

00:18:18,389 --> 00:18:20,266

Butters was with us all night,

Officer Barbrady.

00:18:20,391 --> 00:18:21,518

Butters, what have we told you

00:18:21,643 --> 00:18:23,436

about confessing to crimes

you didn't commit?

00:18:23,561 --> 00:18:24,479

We have had it, mister!

00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:26,272

Well, they kept accusing me

for hours,

00:18:26,397 --> 00:18:28,441

and then he shot me up

with sodium pentothal.

00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:29,984

And that's your excuse?

00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:31,569

Well, looks like

I made a mistake.

00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:33,530

I guess I better let you out

now.

00:18:33,655 --> 00:18:36,199

Just wait till we get you home,

you little fibber!

00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:38,785

Officer, can I stay in jail,

please?

00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:41,538

Come on, you guys!

Hurry!

00:18:41,663 --> 00:18:42,705

What is it, Cartman?

00:18:42,831 --> 00:18:45,083

It's over this way.

Come on!

00:18:51,422 --> 00:18:53,466

So, how are things, guys?

00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:55,802

Cartman, we're confessing

tomorrow, and that's final.

00:18:55,927 --> 00:18:57,595

I'm afraid

I can't let that happen.

00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,264

You can't kill all three of us,

Cartman.

00:18:59,389 --> 00:19:00,557

Can't I?

00:19:07,564 --> 00:19:08,857

Excuse me, everyone.

00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:11,401

I have someone with me

who can tell us all

00:19:11,526 --> 00:19:13,611

who toilet-papered

the art teacher's house!

00:19:15,363 --> 00:19:16,948

Josh insisted he be able

00:19:17,073 --> 00:19:19,701

to tell you the names of

the toilet-paperers in person.

00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,452

Uh, that's nice,

Officer Barbrady,

00:19:21,578 --> 00:19:23,955

but we actually don't need --

- Hold it!

00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:26,291

Principal Victoria, Mr. Mackey,

Mrs. Dreible,

00:19:26,416 --> 00:19:28,293

we have something we need

to tell you.

00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:31,045

All right. Will you people stop

barging into my office, please?

00:19:31,171 --> 00:19:32,255

What's the matter,

Principal Victoria?

00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:33,256

Was your mother abusive?

00:19:33,381 --> 00:19:34,716

Did she spank your thighs

with cold cuts

00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:36,426

and stick umbrellas up your ass?

00:19:36,551 --> 00:19:37,635

Get him out of here.

00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,346

Uh, Policeman Brown, will you

take Josh outside, please?

00:19:40,471 --> 00:19:42,557

Ooh. Policeman Brown.

Never quite made officer.

00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,100

Why is that, Policeman Brown?

00:19:44,225 --> 00:19:46,019

We have to confess

that we were the ones that --

00:19:46,144 --> 00:19:47,562

It's too late, boys, m'kay?

00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:49,355

We already know everything.

00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,983

You -- You do?

How?

00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:54,861

Hi, guys.

00:19:54,986 --> 00:19:55,820

Cartman?

00:19:55,945 --> 00:19:57,739

I told them everything, guys.

It's over.

00:19:57,864 --> 00:19:59,908

Luckily for us, one of you

had enough of a conscience

00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:00,909

to come forward.

00:20:01,034 --> 00:20:02,785

My consciousness

just caught up with me.

00:20:02,911 --> 00:20:03,786

That's not fair!

00:20:03,912 --> 00:20:05,622

You all get two weeks

of detention,

00:20:05,747 --> 00:20:08,082

except for Eric, who gets

one week for being brave.

00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:10,627

B-But he's lying!

He doesn't have a conscience!

00:20:10,752 --> 00:20:12,670

Well, I guess my work here

is done.

00:20:12,795 --> 00:20:16,174

After all this,

I'm gonna need a long vacation.

00:20:16,299 --> 00:20:17,926

This was supposed to be

my story,

00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:19,928

my coming to terms

with a guilty conscience.

00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:21,512

This isn't fair!

00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:23,514

Okay, Josh.

Time to go back to the --

00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,433

Oh, no!

00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:28,353

H-He was too fast for me.

He ran out the door!

00:20:28,478 --> 00:20:30,939

Well, couldn't you have gone

after him?

00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:33,149

Well, I-I'm covered in toilet

paper.

00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:34,943

I'd look silly.

00:20:36,945 --> 00:20:38,404

Welcome to detention.

00:20:38,529 --> 00:20:40,323

You will be here until 5:00,

00:20:40,448 --> 00:20:43,576

so make good study use

of your time, m'kay?

00:20:43,701 --> 00:20:44,786

Oof.

Two weeks of this.

00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:47,121

Yeah. But I have to say

I feel a lot better now.

00:20:47,247 --> 00:20:48,289

I know what you mean, Kyle.

00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:50,500

I realize now that even though

you might not get caught

00:20:50,625 --> 00:20:52,710

doing something bad,

you can still get caught later.

00:20:52,835 --> 00:20:53,544

Oh, Jesus.

00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:55,922

I didn't feel bad before,

but now I just feel terrible.

00:20:56,047 --> 00:20:58,299

You just feel bad for yourself

that you're in detention.

00:20:58,424 --> 00:20:59,133

Right.

00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:00,718

I guess I learned today

that sometimes you --

00:21:00,843 --> 00:21:02,345

Oh, stop it, Cartman.

You didn't learn anything.

00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:04,847

Not a goddamn thing.

00:21:04,973 --> 00:21:06,266

Hmm.

00:21:09,686 --> 00:21:11,312

Police station.

00:21:11,437 --> 00:21:12,981

Hello, Officer Barbrady.

00:21:13,106 --> 00:21:15,358

Josh?

Josh, where are you?

00:21:15,483 --> 00:21:16,985

I'm afraid that giving away

my location

00:21:17,110 --> 00:21:18,653

might be harmful to my freedom,

Officer.

00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:19,696

I just wanted to thank you

00:21:19,821 --> 00:21:21,364

for helping me get out

of that dingy cell.

00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:23,408

Josh, you have to go back

to juvenile hall.

00:21:23,533 --> 00:21:25,159

You only have

a three-week sentence.

00:21:25,285 --> 00:21:26,286

Sorry, Officer.

Got to run.

00:21:26,411 --> 00:21:27,704

There's something

I've been meaning to do

00:21:27,829 --> 00:21:28,705

for quite some time.

00:21:28,830 --> 00:21:29,539

Ciao.

00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:13,806

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:15,599

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:18,602

♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,604

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:20,730 --> 00:00:22,023

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

00:00:22,148 --> 00:00:25,401

♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:28,904

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:33,200

♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:37,246

[Bell rings]

00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:39,206

Okay.

Good, children, good.

00:00:39,331 --> 00:00:41,125

Remember to feel the clay.

00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:42,793

Be one with the clay.

00:00:42,918 --> 00:00:43,919

Nice.

Uh-huh.

00:00:44,045 --> 00:00:46,797

[ Laughter ]

00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:48,758

Put more clay on the balls.

00:00:48,883 --> 00:00:51,302

Boys!

What is that?

00:00:51,427 --> 00:00:52,636

A reindeer?

00:00:52,762 --> 00:00:53,763

You know, I've had it!

00:00:53,888 --> 00:00:56,390

You four boys never take

art class seriously!

00:00:56,515 --> 00:00:57,391

What a crime.

00:00:57,516 --> 00:00:59,101

[Laughter]

00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:00,436

You think art is not important?

00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,855

Well, art's just kind of...

for gaywads.

00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:04,106

I love art class!

00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:05,107

See?

00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:06,942

Do you think this is funny?!

00:01:07,068 --> 00:01:10,029

Do you think this is funny,

huh?!

00:01:10,154 --> 00:01:12,031

[ Snorting ]

00:01:12,156 --> 00:01:13,449

[ Laughter ]

00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,451

Well, you four can

just spend your afternoon

00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:17,620

after school here,

making new pottery!

00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:19,497

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:01:19,622 --> 00:01:20,664

You can't do that.

00:01:20,790 --> 00:01:22,416

I certainly can.

I'm your teacher.

00:01:22,541 --> 00:01:25,127

You're an art teacher.

- Make it two hours.

00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:26,754

[ Music continues ]

00:01:26,879 --> 00:01:28,756

Mrs. Dreible thinks

she's so cool.

00:01:28,881 --> 00:01:30,341

How dare she talk to us

like that?

00:01:30,466 --> 00:01:31,383

Mrph rmhmhm rm.

00:01:31,509 --> 00:01:33,302

We can't let her get away

with this.

00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:35,721

I think tonight we need to do

something drastic.

00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:36,680

Like what?

00:01:36,806 --> 00:01:38,599

Like find out

where Mrs. Dreible lives

00:01:38,724 --> 00:01:42,728

and go over there and...

T.P. her house.

00:01:43,562 --> 00:01:45,064

Mrph!

- T.P. her house?

00:01:45,189 --> 00:01:47,191

Toilet paper.

Cover her house in toilet paper.

00:01:47,316 --> 00:01:48,275

Oh.

00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:50,027

What's the matter, Kyle?

You chicken?

00:01:50,152 --> 00:01:52,488

[ Imitates chicken clucking ]

00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:53,405

[ Grunts ]

00:01:53,531 --> 00:01:55,533

Quiet, boys.

This isn't playtime.

00:01:55,658 --> 00:01:56,909

You're being punished.

00:01:57,034 --> 00:01:59,954

Fine. But we'll have the last

laugh tonight, art whore.

00:02:00,079 --> 00:02:02,498

Yeah.

Payback time, you ugly skank.

00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,546

[ Muzak playing ]

00:02:08,671 --> 00:02:11,173

You think that's enough?

- Should be fine.

00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:12,758

Don't you guys think

this is a little suspicious?

00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:14,510

We should buy something else

so it doesn't look obvious.

00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:15,219

Okay.

00:02:15,344 --> 00:02:18,180

Here we go --

pack of chewing gum.

00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:20,057

Hello, boys.

Find everything you need?

00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:21,225

Yep.

All set.

00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:23,519

Okay. Let's see here.

Toilet paper.

00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,771

Toilet paper.

And toilet paper.

00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:28,440

Toilet paper.

Toilet paper.

00:02:28,566 --> 00:02:30,234

So, what are you kids up to

tonight?

00:02:30,359 --> 00:02:32,862

Oh, we're just gonna watch some

TV, maybe play a board game.

00:02:32,987 --> 00:02:34,405

Nice, relaxing night at home,

huh?

00:02:34,530 --> 00:02:36,198

Toilet paper.

Toilet paper.

00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:37,408

And toilet paper.

00:02:37,533 --> 00:02:39,201

H-Hey.

00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:41,412

Now, you kids be careful

with this chewing gum.

00:02:41,537 --> 00:02:43,038

Don't go sticking it

under tables.

00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:43,914

Okay.

00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:45,457

Okay.

Toilet paper.

00:02:45,583 --> 00:02:48,043

Toilet paper.

Toilet paper.

00:02:48,169 --> 00:02:50,462

You know, son, I remember you

coming in last week

00:02:50,588 --> 00:02:52,006

and buying this much

toilet paper.

00:02:52,131 --> 00:02:53,424

Oh, yeah.

That -- That's right.

00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:55,551

Toilet paper.

Toilet paper.

00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,344

You T.P.'d a house

last week, Cartman?

00:02:57,469 --> 00:02:59,138

No. Last Thursday night

was fajitas night.

00:02:59,263 --> 00:03:01,140

Oh.

Ugh.

00:03:01,265 --> 00:03:03,642

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:06,061

[ Insects chirping ]

00:03:06,187 --> 00:03:07,354

Is this the right house?

00:03:07,479 --> 00:03:09,148

It's the right address.

Wait. Look there.

00:03:09,273 --> 00:03:11,734

There's Mrs. Dreible.

This is the place.

00:03:13,277 --> 00:03:14,945

Oh, wait, wait.

There's kids inside.

00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:15,946

So?

00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:17,865

So I'm not T.P.'ing a house

with kids inside it.

00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:19,200

Kyle, we all agreed to do this.

00:03:19,325 --> 00:03:20,993

We didn't say nothing

about no kids, man.

00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:22,286

Kyle, you're being an asshole.

00:03:22,411 --> 00:03:24,788

Now let's do this thing

and get out of here.

00:03:24,914 --> 00:03:26,957

Here's what I think of your

art class, you Goddamn bitch!

00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:28,876

Mrph. Mrph rhrmprhm.

00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:31,629

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:52,107

[ Music continues ]

00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:54,902

Come on!

Let's go!

00:03:56,028 --> 00:03:57,363

What have we done?

00:03:57,488 --> 00:03:59,114

Let's go, Kyle!

00:04:03,244 --> 00:04:06,372

[ Breathing heavily ]

00:04:06,497 --> 00:04:09,333

We're -- We're in trouble.

We're in so much trouble.

00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:11,460

Aw, man, that was so awesome!

00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:12,628

How can you say that?

00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,004

Did you see what we did

to their house?

00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:15,714

It'll take them days

to clean that up.

00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:16,423

Who cares?

00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:18,801

Well, you don't, because you're

an uncaring asshole, Cartman.

00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:20,761

Me?

00:04:20,886 --> 00:04:23,514

There's toilet paper

on your hands, too, Kyle.

00:04:23,639 --> 00:04:25,599

[ Dramatic music plays ]

Cartman's right, Kyle.

00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:27,559

We're all in this together.

00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:30,854

[ Harp plays ]

No.

00:04:30,980 --> 00:04:32,147

No.

00:04:32,273 --> 00:04:34,191

No!

00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:36,443

[ Screams ]

00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:38,112

Honey, what is it?

00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:40,698

Oh, Jesus, no!

Our house!

00:04:40,823 --> 00:04:43,659

Mommy. Mommy.

- Mommy. Mommy.

00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:47,162

Why? Why?

00:04:47,288 --> 00:04:50,207

Aah. Oh, God. Oh, God.

00:04:52,126 --> 00:04:53,502

[ Indistinct conversations ]

00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,713

Hey, did you guys hear

what happened last night?

00:04:55,838 --> 00:04:58,007

Mrs. Dreible's house

got covered with toilet paper.

00:04:58,132 --> 00:05:00,551

Yeah. They say it's gonna take

three weeks to get it all down.

00:05:00,676 --> 00:05:03,387

Yeah. Well, old Mrs. Dreible

probably had it coming to her.

00:05:03,512 --> 00:05:04,430

I don't know.

00:05:04,555 --> 00:05:06,974

I don't think anybody deserves

that kind of brutality.

00:05:07,099 --> 00:05:09,184

Well, I understand the people

who did it weren't caught,

00:05:09,310 --> 00:05:11,103

so looks like nobody

will ever know the geniuses

00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:12,604

who masterminded

that perfect crime.

00:05:12,730 --> 00:05:14,023

[ Bell rings ]

00:05:14,148 --> 00:05:16,442

Okay, children,

let's take our seats.

00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:18,068

Oh, uh, Stan, Kyle,

Eric, and Kenny,

00:05:18,193 --> 00:05:20,029

the counselor wants to see you

in his office, now.

00:05:20,154 --> 00:05:20,988

Damn.

00:05:21,113 --> 00:05:22,072

Oh, God.

00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:24,616

How the hell did they find out

00:05:24,742 --> 00:05:26,076

it was us that T.P.'d

that house?

00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:28,037

Will you relax, Kyle?

They've got nothing on us.

00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:30,122

As long as we all stick

to our story, we'll be fine.

00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:32,458

We'd better go over our story

again so we don't screw it up.

00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:34,168

Okay, last night, all four of us

00:05:34,293 --> 00:05:36,253

were at the bowling alley

until about 7:30,

00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:37,713

at which time we noticed

Ally Sheedy,

00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:38,964

the goth chick

from "The Breakfast Club,"

00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:39,965

was in the lane next to us,

00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:41,175

and we asked her

for her autograph,

00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:43,010

but she didn't have a pen,

so we followed her to her car,

00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:44,636

but on the way, we were accosted

by five Scientologists

00:05:44,762 --> 00:05:46,055

who wanted to give us all

personality tests,

00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:47,931

which were administered at the

Scientology center in Denver

00:05:48,057 --> 00:05:48,766

until 10:45, at which time

00:05:48,891 --> 00:05:50,142

we accidentally boarded

the wrong bus home

00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:52,227

and ended up in Rancho de Fritas

Rojos, south of Castle Rock,

00:05:52,353 --> 00:05:53,604

and finally got a ride home

with a man

00:05:53,729 --> 00:05:55,606

who was missing his left index

finger, named Gary Bushwell,

00:05:55,731 --> 00:05:58,359

arriving home at 11:46.

00:05:58,484 --> 00:06:01,070

I'm confused. Did Ally Sheedy

take the personality test?

00:06:01,195 --> 00:06:01,945

Yes, dude.

00:06:02,071 --> 00:06:03,364

Kyle, it's very simple --

00:06:03,489 --> 00:06:04,698

We followed Ally Sheedy

out to her car,

00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:06,450

but on the way, we were accosted

by five Scientologists

00:06:06,575 --> 00:06:07,910

who wanted to give us all

personality tests,

00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:09,787

which were administered at the

Scientology center in Denver

00:06:09,912 --> 00:06:10,621

until 10:45, at which time

00:06:10,746 --> 00:06:12,039

we accidentally boarded

the wrong bus home

00:06:12,164 --> 00:06:13,957

and ended up in Rancho de Fritas

Rojos, south of Castle Rock,

00:06:14,083 --> 00:06:15,250

and finally got a ride home

with a man

00:06:15,376 --> 00:06:17,127

who was missing his left index

finger, named Gary Bushwell,

00:06:17,252 --> 00:06:18,837

arriving home at 11:46 --

You got it?

00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:21,632

Uh, I-I --

- Oh, for Christ's sake!

00:06:21,757 --> 00:06:23,217

Kyle, just let Cartman

do all the talking, okay?

00:06:23,342 --> 00:06:24,593

He's better at being in trouble

than anybody.

00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:25,594

Thank you, Stan.

00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,513

Shh, shh.

Here they come. Here they come.

00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:29,723

And so I said,

"That's a terrific joke, Wendy.

00:06:29,848 --> 00:06:31,016

Tell us another one."

00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:33,602

Oh, hello, Mr. Mackey.

Are you ready to see us now?

00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:36,313

We're gonna talk to you

one at a time, boys, m'kay?

00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:38,649

Kenny, will you step

into my office, please?

00:06:38,774 --> 00:06:39,400

Mrh?

00:06:39,525 --> 00:06:41,819

Come on, Kenny.

Let's go, m'kay?

00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:46,031

Touché, Mr. Mackey, touché.

00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,491

Why are they doing us

one at a time?

00:06:47,616 --> 00:06:49,076

They want to see

if we mix the story up

00:06:49,201 --> 00:06:50,953

and see if somebody

will rat out the other three

00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:51,912

for a better deal.

00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:53,080

I can get a better deal?

00:06:53,205 --> 00:06:55,249

Kyle, so help me God, if you

Jew us out on this one,

00:06:55,374 --> 00:06:56,458

I will fucking kill you.

00:06:58,043 --> 00:07:00,337

There we go. That should be

about the last of it.

00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:02,423

[ Humming ]

00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:08,011

Ex-- Excuse me.

Uh, w-what are you doing?

00:07:08,137 --> 00:07:10,264

Crime scene investigation.

00:07:10,389 --> 00:07:12,307

There are several footprints

in the snow --

00:07:12,433 --> 00:07:13,976

perhaps more than one

perpetrator?

00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:16,937

Uh, look, we really don't want

to make a big deal out of this.

00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:18,439

Is that the toilet paper there?

00:07:18,564 --> 00:07:20,524

I'll need to take those bags

as evidence.

00:07:20,649 --> 00:07:22,359

Look, it's just not

that big a deal.

00:07:22,484 --> 00:07:25,487

I mean, I toilet-papered houses

myself when I was a kid.

00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:28,866

You? So where were you

last night at around 9:00?

00:07:28,991 --> 00:07:30,117

I was here.

00:07:30,242 --> 00:07:32,202

Aha!

Got you!

00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:34,872

Officer, why would I T.P.

my own house?

00:07:34,997 --> 00:07:36,248

Insurance?

00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:37,791

It wasn't me, okay?

00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:40,252

Now, if you don't mind, I want

to get my yard back to normal.

00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:41,503

Now, you listen to me.

00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:42,754

Whoever T.P.'d your house

00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:44,465

is still out there

roaming the streets.

00:07:44,590 --> 00:07:46,467

It's only a matter of time

before another house

00:07:46,592 --> 00:07:48,469

and another family

is victimized!

00:07:48,594 --> 00:07:50,929

I have to stop that

from happening.

00:07:51,054 --> 00:07:53,724

You really have nothing better

to do, do you?

00:07:53,849 --> 00:07:56,435

No, I do not.

00:07:58,270 --> 00:07:59,229

No.

00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:02,524

No. No.

00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:04,443

Aah.

00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:06,945

Oh, Jesus, no. Our house.

00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:09,281

Mommy! Mommy!

- Mommy! Mommy!

00:08:09,406 --> 00:08:14,036

Why? Why? Why?

[ Sobbing ]

00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:16,371

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:18,707

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:21,627

I have to tell the truth.

Mom!

00:08:21,752 --> 00:08:23,670

[ Breathing heavily ]

00:08:23,795 --> 00:08:26,381

Hello, Kyle.

Going somewhere?

00:08:27,799 --> 00:08:30,594

I was -- I was just going

to get a drink of water.

00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:33,222

No need.

I have one for you right here.

00:08:34,223 --> 00:08:37,017

Oh. Okay.

Thanks.

00:08:37,142 --> 00:08:38,894

Is there anything else

I can get for you?

00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:41,438

No. I'll just be going

back to bed now.

00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:44,066

You do that.

Good night, Kyle.

00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:50,864

Josh Meyers T.P.'d over

600 houses in less than a year.

00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:52,115

He's a real monster.

00:08:52,241 --> 00:08:53,951

I just need to talk to someone

00:08:54,076 --> 00:08:56,495

who knows

how toilet-paperers think.

00:08:56,620 --> 00:08:57,621

Just remember --

00:08:57,746 --> 00:09:01,291

He'd toilet-paper you in

a second if he had the chance.

00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:04,169

He's the last cell on your left.

00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:06,380

[ Door closes, latch clicks ]

00:09:06,505 --> 00:09:09,132

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:09:15,514 --> 00:09:17,891

Hello, Josh.

My name is Officer Barbrady.

00:09:18,016 --> 00:09:19,810

I'm with the South Park police.

00:09:19,935 --> 00:09:22,062

[ British accent ] That's a

terrible cologne you're wearing, Officer.

00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:24,565

You should try something

more...casual.

00:09:24,690 --> 00:09:28,110

I was hoping you could help me

solve a toilet-papering case.

00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:29,278

And why would I do that?

00:09:29,403 --> 00:09:31,446

Because I'm such a charming

fella?

00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:34,908

Uh, please. I need your help.

What would you want in return?

00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:37,911

Due to the harsh nature

of my crimes,

00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:40,414

they don't allow me to have

toilet paper in my cell.

00:09:40,539 --> 00:09:42,583

You can imagine how bothersome

that becomes.

00:09:42,708 --> 00:09:45,419

You know I can't give you

toilet paper, Josh.

00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:48,422

No, but it was worth a try,

wasn't it?

00:09:48,547 --> 00:09:49,756

Tell me something, Officer --

00:09:49,881 --> 00:09:51,550

Why is it that you police

such a small town?

00:09:51,675 --> 00:09:52,968

You must have had

larger inspirations.

00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,596

What happened

to those big-city dreams?

00:09:55,721 --> 00:09:57,472

Well, that's kind of personal.

00:09:57,598 --> 00:09:58,932

Quid pro quo, Officer.

00:09:59,057 --> 00:10:00,559

Tell me what I want to know,

00:10:00,684 --> 00:10:04,438

and I'll help you catch whoever

toilet-papered that house.

00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,941

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:10:08,066 --> 00:10:09,693

Look, kid,

I have very little time

00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:11,987

to catch whoever toilet-papered

that house.

00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,363

Tell me what you know.

00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:14,990

Are those the crime-scene

photos?

00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,116

Let me see them.

00:10:20,329 --> 00:10:22,372

Yes.

Yes.

00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:24,333

Not bad work.

Not bad at all.

00:10:24,458 --> 00:10:25,959

These toilet-paperers

are professionals --

00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:27,252

at least one of them is.

00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:29,504

So you think there was more

than one. Why?

00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:30,839

Tell me something first.

00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:33,258

When you went to the academy, you had

something to prove, you wanted

00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:35,135

to protect and serve, but mostly you just wanted

to protect yourself.

00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:37,846

Who were you protecting yourself

from, Officer Barbrady?

00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:38,680

All right!

All right!

00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,641

My Uncle Charles used to hit me

with a belt!

00:10:40,766 --> 00:10:42,225

[ Sobs ]

00:10:42,351 --> 00:10:43,268

Thank you.

00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:45,187

Your toilet-paperers

are most like males

00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:47,230

between the ages of 8 and 10

and probably virgins.

00:10:47,356 --> 00:10:48,774

Parents notice

that much toilet paper missing,

00:10:48,899 --> 00:10:50,233

so they would've bought it

themselves.

00:10:50,359 --> 00:10:51,902

Find out where the toilet paper

came from,

00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:53,570

and you just might catch

your man.

00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:55,280

[ Bell rings ]

00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:58,909

Stan, Kenny, can I talk

to you guys for a second?

00:10:59,034 --> 00:11:00,952

I think we have the counselor

and principal fooled,

00:11:01,078 --> 00:11:02,663

but we need to talk about Kyle.

00:11:02,788 --> 00:11:04,414

- What about him?

- Come on. You know.

00:11:04,539 --> 00:11:05,791

He's losing it.

He's gonna crack.

00:11:05,916 --> 00:11:06,792

Mrph rmhmhm rm.

00:11:06,917 --> 00:11:08,877

Kyle can't take the heat.

He's gonna sing like a canary.

00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,587

Then we're all gonna take

the fall for what we did.

00:11:10,712 --> 00:11:12,172

Hey, fellas!

00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:13,590

Butters.

00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:16,468

[ Sniffs ]

00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:18,470

[ Clears throat ]

00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:22,557

[ Indistinct conversations,

lockers closing ]

00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:24,476

Look, all it takes

is for one of us to crack,

00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:26,144

and we all know

who the weakest link is.

00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:27,145

So what should we do?

00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:30,148

We have no choice.

We have to kill Kyle.

00:11:30,732 --> 00:11:32,526

Dude, we're not killing Kyle!

- Mrph!

00:11:32,651 --> 00:11:35,070

Why not?

- Kyle's not gonna say anything.

00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,905

He almost spilled the beans

in the counselor's office.

00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,281

He can't even keep

the story straight.

00:11:38,407 --> 00:11:39,783

I'm telling you guys, he's weak.

00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:42,119

He's weak, and he'll be

the end of all of us.

00:11:42,244 --> 00:11:43,995

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:11:44,121 --> 00:11:46,081

You wanted to see me,

Officer Barbrady?

00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:47,708

Yes.

Thanks for coming, Mr. Bell.

00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:49,292

A house was T.P.'d

in South Park,

00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:51,753

and I need to see if you can

identify the toilet paper

00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:53,213

I recovered from the scene.

00:11:53,338 --> 00:11:56,091

I'm sorry I have to do this.

00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:58,218

[ Both gasp, cough ]

00:11:58,343 --> 00:11:59,428

Oh, my God.

00:11:59,553 --> 00:12:02,055

Is this toilet paper

from your store?

00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:05,100

It's...difficult to tell.

It's so decayed.

00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:06,435

I...wait a minute.

Yes.

00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,645

Yes, I recognize

the floral pattern now.

00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:10,313

Positive I.D.

on the toilet paper.

00:12:10,439 --> 00:12:12,399

Who would do this

to toilet paper? Who?

00:12:12,524 --> 00:12:14,526

Mr. Bell, do you remember

anyone suspicious

00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,570

buying toilet paper

in the last few days?

00:12:16,695 --> 00:12:17,821

Suspicious like how?

00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:21,450

Well, like someone who was black

or Mexican or Middle-Eastern.

00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:24,536

No, the only Mexican guy I recall

bought toaster tarts and chips.

00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:27,581

And we don't allow Middle-

Eastern people in the store.

00:12:27,706 --> 00:12:29,332

Oh my God.

00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:32,169

[ Insects chirping ]

00:12:32,294 --> 00:12:33,712

What's this all about, Cartman?

00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:35,672

I just wanted to see

how you're doing, Kyle.

00:12:35,797 --> 00:12:37,174

Why don't we go out

for a little boat ride?

00:12:37,299 --> 00:12:38,008

A boat ride?

00:12:38,133 --> 00:12:40,177

I just thought we should find

a private place to talk.

00:12:40,302 --> 00:12:41,511

Well, okay.

00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:44,181

Could you help me put this block

and chain in the boat?

00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:52,481

Okay.

Let's go.

00:12:53,482 --> 00:12:56,985

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:02,491

So, how are things, Kyle?

00:13:02,616 --> 00:13:03,533

Terrible.

00:13:03,658 --> 00:13:05,911

Every time I close my eyes,

I see the house we T.P.'d.

00:13:06,036 --> 00:13:07,370

I see the tears

of our art teacher

00:13:07,496 --> 00:13:09,122

and hear the screams

of her daughters.

00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:11,666

And you feel like

you have to confess.

00:13:11,792 --> 00:13:12,876

I don't know what to do.

00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:15,212

Part of me feels

like I have to end it all now,

00:13:15,337 --> 00:13:17,464

tell people what happened.

00:13:17,589 --> 00:13:20,717

You know, I never noticed how

beautiful this pond was before.

00:13:20,842 --> 00:13:22,010

So calm.

00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,720

The world can be like that --

00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:28,016

so calm on the outside,

as if nothing bad ever happens.

00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,142

[ Thunk ]

00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:30,227

Ow.

00:13:30,352 --> 00:13:31,978

What the hell are you doing,

Cartman?

00:13:32,103 --> 00:13:32,979

I'm killing you,

00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:34,481

but unfortunately I could only

afford a Wiffle bat,

00:13:34,606 --> 00:13:35,482

so it's gonna take a while.

00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:36,817

[ Thunk ]

Cartman!

00:13:36,942 --> 00:13:38,318

Don't fight it, Kyle.

It will only take longer.

00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:39,903

Just slip

into sweet unconsciousness.

00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:41,112

[ Thunk ]

00:13:41,238 --> 00:13:42,739

You want to kill me?

Fine!

00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:45,408

I can't live like this anymore!

Go ahead!

00:13:45,534 --> 00:13:46,868

Do it.

00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:49,955

[ Thunk ]

00:13:54,584 --> 00:13:56,795

Won't be long now, Kyle.

00:13:57,796 --> 00:13:59,923

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:02,092

Josh, I need more help.

00:14:02,217 --> 00:14:04,719

The answer is right in front

of you, but you can't see it.

00:14:04,845 --> 00:14:05,887

How do you mean?

00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:08,765

Tell me. The toilet paper --

Was it quilted?

00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:09,683

Yes.

00:14:09,808 --> 00:14:12,435

Single-sheet?

- No, two-ply.

00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:14,479

What?

What does that tell you?

00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:18,149

Why does one toilet-paper

a house, Officer?

00:14:18,275 --> 00:14:19,985

To get revenge.

00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:21,820

No. That is incidental.

00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:24,573

Your toilet-paperers wanted to

transform the teacher's house,

00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:26,700

thus transforming

her entire occupation.

00:14:26,825 --> 00:14:27,826

What do you mean?

00:14:27,951 --> 00:14:30,245

Your uncle who hit you with

a belt -- Was he a large man?

00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:31,955

I don't have time for this, kid.

00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:33,874

Did he stink like beer

when he came home from work

00:14:33,999 --> 00:14:36,167

all tired from playing

down at the pool house?

00:14:36,293 --> 00:14:36,918

All right!

All right!

00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:39,170

My dad dressed me up like

a little girl on poker nights

00:14:39,296 --> 00:14:41,464

and made me sit

on all my uncles' laps!

00:14:41,590 --> 00:14:44,301

[ Sobs ]

00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:45,802

Whoa.

00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:47,721

Uh, oh--thank you.

00:14:47,846 --> 00:14:49,639

Your toilet-paperers

are most likely students

00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:50,682

in the art teacher's class,

00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:52,183

students who aren't

very good at art.

00:14:52,309 --> 00:14:54,978

Oh. Of course.

One of her students!

00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:57,606

Fly along now, Officer Barbrady.

You've got some arrests to make.

00:14:57,731 --> 00:14:59,357

Fly, fly, fly.

Fly, fly, fly.

00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:05,488

Josh, were you doing the silly

voice for the policeman again?

00:15:05,614 --> 00:15:06,573

[ Normal voice ]

No, sir.

00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:08,033

[ Thunk ]

00:15:08,158 --> 00:15:10,368

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:16,833

Cartman, what are you doing?

- I'm getting rid of our problem.

00:15:16,958 --> 00:15:18,627

Kyle will be dead

in a matter of hours.

00:15:18,752 --> 00:15:20,211

[ Thunk ]

00:15:20,337 --> 00:15:21,504

You don't have

to kill Kyle, dude.

00:15:21,630 --> 00:15:23,840

The police made an arrest,

and the person confessed!

00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:25,425

They did?

- They did?

00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:27,802

They say they got the guy that

did it at the police station.

00:15:27,928 --> 00:15:30,096

Who confessed?

That doesn't make any sense.

00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:32,349

But can I still kill Kyle?

00:15:33,642 --> 00:15:36,645

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:38,897

Hello, boys.

How are you?

00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:40,315

We heard that you have

the person

00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:41,566

who T.P.'d

the art teacher's house.

00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:43,693

Is that true?

- It sure is.

00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:46,446

Uh, could we see them --

him -- her?

00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:47,948

Right over here.

00:15:48,073 --> 00:15:50,784

Yeah, we interrogated

the suspect for over 40 hours,

00:15:50,909 --> 00:15:52,661

and he finally cracked.

00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:54,162

Hey, fellas!

00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:55,246

Butters?

00:15:55,372 --> 00:15:57,332

Yep.

I'm in jail.

00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:58,667

You confessed?

00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:01,294

Uh-huh. Uh, they said I T.P.'d

the art teacher's house.

00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:04,005

I don't seem to remember it, but

they're pretty sure it was me.

00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:06,383

I just can't get my behavior

under control.

00:16:06,508 --> 00:16:08,593

His parents are

on their way down now.

00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:11,096

Yeah. And, boy,

are they gonna let me have it.

00:16:11,221 --> 00:16:13,098

Just wait till my father

gets here.

00:16:13,223 --> 00:16:15,266

You guys,

we can't let him do this.

00:16:15,392 --> 00:16:17,352

What are you talking about?

This is a gift from God.

00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:18,853

An early Easter present

all wrapped up

00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:21,147

with a pretty ribbon

from Jesus Christ himself.

00:16:21,272 --> 00:16:22,983

I'm just a little asshole

is what I am.

00:16:23,108 --> 00:16:23,942

When God made me,

00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:25,694

He must have not been paying

very close attention,

00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:28,196

'cause I turned out wrong --

just plain wrong.

00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:30,365

Officer Barbrady,

Butters didn't T.P. that house.

00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:31,366

Why do you say that?

00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:33,326

Because it was --

- Wiffle ball, anyone?

00:16:33,451 --> 00:16:35,537

Anyone care for a nice game

of Wiffle ball?

00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,664

You know, it's not my parents

I'm worried about.

00:16:37,789 --> 00:16:39,082

It's my girlfriend, Carrie.

00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:40,208

Well, she lives in Michigan.

00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:41,584

But when she finds out

about this,

00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:43,670

whoo, smokies,

is she gonna be sore.

00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:45,213

She might even break up with me.

00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:46,756

And it would serve me right,

too.

00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:48,633

All right, boys.

Visiting time is over.

00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:50,176

Thanks for stopping by.

00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:52,804

[ Birds chirping ]

00:16:52,929 --> 00:16:55,306

You see, you guys?

It all worked itself out.

00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:57,767

Ta-dow. Ta-dow.

How do you like me now?

00:16:57,892 --> 00:16:59,394

Feel a little silly now, Kyle?

00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:00,979

Ta-dow.

How do you like me now?

00:17:01,104 --> 00:17:02,564

I still feel bad, Cartman.

00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:05,191

What?

How -- How can you feel bad?

00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:06,985

Somebody else is gonna pay

for our crime.

00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:09,571

Yeah.

That makes it even worse.

00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:11,114

Buh...

00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:14,200

Uh, K-Kyle, you don't seem

to understand.

00:17:14,325 --> 00:17:16,453

W-We're not gonna get punished

for this, ever.

00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:18,038

I know.

00:17:18,747 --> 00:17:21,624

S--

So then how can you feel bad?

00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:23,001

He feels guilty for doing it

00:17:23,126 --> 00:17:25,670

and for letting someone else pay

for it.

00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:27,213

But he's not gonna get

in trouble.

00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:28,840

It doesn't matter

if you get in trouble or not.

00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:30,050

You can still feel bad.

00:17:30,175 --> 00:17:32,093

I think you're right, Kyle.

Maybe we should confess.

00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:33,219

Mrph.

Rm mrprhm.

00:17:33,344 --> 00:17:35,680

What?

D-- You guys.

00:17:35,805 --> 00:17:37,348

There's nothing

to feel bad about.

00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:38,600

We're off scot-free!

00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:41,144

We feel bad for other people.

00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:44,856

For o-- For --

00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:46,691

[ Grunts ]

Ow.

00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:50,653

I-Is it that you think

you might get in trouble later?

00:17:50,779 --> 00:17:52,781

Tomorrow in school, we'll tell

the art teacher it was us

00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:53,907

and let her decide what to do.

00:17:54,032 --> 00:17:55,867

And, Cartman, if you have any

thread of a conscience at all,

00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:56,868

you'll do the same.

00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:59,037

[ Stammers, sighs ]

00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:02,207

Freakin' weirdos, man.

00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:05,210

Well, well, well.

I had to see it to believe it.

00:18:05,335 --> 00:18:06,377

Hi, Dad.

00:18:06,503 --> 00:18:08,254

Don't you "Hi, Dad" me.

00:18:08,379 --> 00:18:12,050

Look at you, standing

behind prison bars -- again!

00:18:12,175 --> 00:18:12,967

Yeah.

00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:14,928

What fibs have you been telling

this policeman, Butters?

00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:17,597

You know damn well you didn't

toilet-paper that house.

00:18:17,722 --> 00:18:18,264

Huh?

00:18:18,389 --> 00:18:20,266

Butters was with us all night,

Officer Barbrady.

00:18:20,391 --> 00:18:21,518

Butters, what have we told you

00:18:21,643 --> 00:18:23,436

about confessing to crimes

you didn't commit?

00:18:23,561 --> 00:18:24,479

We have had it, mister!

00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:26,272

Well, they kept accusing me

for hours,

00:18:26,397 --> 00:18:28,441

and then he shot me up

with sodium pentothal.

00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:29,984

And that's your excuse?

00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:31,569

Well, looks like

I made a mistake.

00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:33,530

I guess I better let you out

now.

00:18:33,655 --> 00:18:36,199

Just wait till we get you home,

you little fibber!

00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:38,785

Officer, can I stay in jail,

please?

00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:41,538

Come on, you guys!

Hurry!

00:18:41,663 --> 00:18:42,705

What is it, Cartman?

00:18:42,831 --> 00:18:45,083

It's over this way.

Come on!

00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:47,961

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:18:51,422 --> 00:18:53,466

So, how are things, guys?

00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:55,802

Cartman, we're confessing

tomorrow, and that's final.

00:18:55,927 --> 00:18:57,595

I'm afraid

I can't let that happen.

00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,264

You can't kill all three of us,

Cartman.

00:18:59,389 --> 00:19:00,557

Can't I?

00:19:00,682 --> 00:19:02,684

[ Thunk ]

00:19:07,564 --> 00:19:08,857

Excuse me, everyone.

00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:11,401

I have someone with me

who can tell us all

00:19:11,526 --> 00:19:13,611

who toilet-papered

the art teacher's house!

00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:15,238

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:19:15,363 --> 00:19:16,948

Josh insisted he be able

00:19:17,073 --> 00:19:19,701

to tell you the names of

the toilet-paperers in person.

00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,452

Uh, that's nice,

Officer Barbrady,

00:19:21,578 --> 00:19:23,955

but we actually don't need --

- Hold it!

00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:26,291

Principal Victoria, Mr. Mackey,

Mrs. Dreible,

00:19:26,416 --> 00:19:28,293

we have something we need

to tell you.

00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:31,045

All right. Will you people stop

barging into my office, please?

00:19:31,171 --> 00:19:32,255

What's the matter,

Principal Victoria?

00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:33,256

Was your mother abusive?

00:19:33,381 --> 00:19:34,716

Did she spank your thighs

with cold cuts

00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:36,426

and stick umbrellas up your ass?

00:19:36,551 --> 00:19:37,635

Get him out of here.

00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,346

Uh, Policeman Brown, will you

take Josh outside, please?

00:19:40,471 --> 00:19:42,557

Ooh. Policeman Brown.

Never quite made officer.

00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,100

Why is that, Policeman Brown?

00:19:44,225 --> 00:19:46,019

We have to confess

that we were the ones that --

00:19:46,144 --> 00:19:47,562

It's too late, boys, m'kay?

00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:49,355

We already know everything.

00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,983

You -- You do?

How?

00:19:52,108 --> 00:19:53,651

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:54,861

Hi, guys.

00:19:54,986 --> 00:19:55,820

Cartman?

00:19:55,945 --> 00:19:57,739

I told them everything, guys.

It's over.

00:19:57,864 --> 00:19:59,908

Luckily for us, one of you

had enough of a conscience

00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:00,909

to come forward.

00:20:01,034 --> 00:20:02,785

My consciousness

just caught up with me.

00:20:02,911 --> 00:20:03,786

That's not fair!

00:20:03,912 --> 00:20:05,622

You all get two weeks

of detention,

00:20:05,747 --> 00:20:08,082

except for Eric, who gets

one week for being brave.

00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:10,627

B-But he's lying!

He doesn't have a conscience!

00:20:10,752 --> 00:20:12,670

Well, I guess my work here

is done.

00:20:12,795 --> 00:20:16,174

After all this,

I'm gonna need a long vacation.

00:20:16,299 --> 00:20:17,926

This was supposed to be

my story,

00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:19,928

my coming to terms

with a guilty conscience.

00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:21,512

This isn't fair!

00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:23,514

Okay, Josh.

Time to go back to the --

00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,433

- [ Dramatic music plays ]

- Oh, no!

00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:28,353

H-He was too fast for me.

He ran out the door!

00:20:28,478 --> 00:20:30,939

Well, couldn't you have gone

after him?

00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:33,149

Well, I-I'm covered in toilet

paper.

00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:34,943

I'd look silly.

00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:36,819

[ Bell rings ]

00:20:36,945 --> 00:20:38,404

Welcome to detention.

00:20:38,529 --> 00:20:40,323

You will be here until 5:00,

00:20:40,448 --> 00:20:43,576

so make good study use

of your time, m'kay?

00:20:43,701 --> 00:20:44,786

Oof.

Two weeks of this.

00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:47,121

Yeah. But I have to say

I feel a lot better now.

00:20:47,247 --> 00:20:48,289

I know what you mean, Kyle.

00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:50,500

I realize now that even though

you might not get caught

00:20:50,625 --> 00:20:52,710

doing something bad,

you can still get caught later.

00:20:52,835 --> 00:20:53,544

Oh, Jesus.

00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:55,922

I didn't feel bad before,

but now I just feel terrible.

00:20:56,047 --> 00:20:58,299

You just feel bad for yourself

that you're in detention.

00:20:58,424 --> 00:20:59,133

Right.

00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:00,718

I guess I learned today

that sometimes you --

00:21:00,843 --> 00:21:02,345

Oh, stop it, Cartman.

You didn't learn anything.

00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:04,847

Not a goddamn thing.

00:21:04,973 --> 00:21:06,266

Hmm.

00:21:08,017 --> 00:21:09,560

[ Telephone rings ]

00:21:09,686 --> 00:21:11,312

Police station.

00:21:11,437 --> 00:21:12,981

Hello, Officer Barbrady.

00:21:13,106 --> 00:21:15,358

Josh?

Josh, where are you?

00:21:15,483 --> 00:21:16,985

I'm afraid that giving away

my location

00:21:17,110 --> 00:21:18,653

might be harmful to my freedom,

Officer.

00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:19,696

I just wanted to thank you

00:21:19,821 --> 00:21:21,364

for helping me get out

of that dingy cell.

00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:23,408

Josh, you have to go back

to juvenile hall.

00:21:23,533 --> 00:21:25,159

You only have

a three-week sentence.

00:21:25,285 --> 00:21:26,286

Sorry, Officer.

Got to run.

00:21:26,411 --> 00:21:27,704

There's something

I've been meaning to do

00:21:27,829 --> 00:21:28,705

for quite some time.

00:21:28,830 --> 00:21:29,539

Ciao.

00:21:29,664 --> 00:21:32,083

[ Suspenseful music plays ]