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22:07
Шоу закрыто
Cancelled
Сезон: 07Серия: 01
Описание
Друзья узнают, что Земля является одним большим телешоу для инопланетян. Так как земляне догадались, что они находятся под наблюдением из космоса, космические продюсеры принимают решение закрыть шоу и уничтожить планету. Друзья пытаются их убедить сохранить шоу и, соответственно, Землю.
Субтитры
- 00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:11,929 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:13,806 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:15,599 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:18,602 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,604 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:00:20,730 --> 00:00:22,023 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
- 00:00:22,148 --> 00:00:25,401 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:28,529 Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
- 00:00:28,654 --> 00:00:33,200 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:37,038 ♪ School days, school days, teacher's Golden Rule -- ♪
- 00:00:37,163 --> 00:00:38,372 Aw, damn it! - What?
- 00:00:38,497 --> 00:00:40,708 My Goddamn brother is trying to follow me to school again!
- 00:00:40,833 --> 00:00:42,084 Suck my balls.
- 00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:44,086 No, Ike, you can't come to school with me.
- 00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:45,504 Yeah! Go home, you little dildo!
- 00:00:45,629 --> 00:00:47,923 Dude, for the last time, don't call my brother a dildo!
- 00:00:48,049 --> 00:00:50,468 All right, go home, you little semen-puking, asshole dickhead.
- 00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:53,179 Ow! - Dude, sweet.
- 00:00:53,304 --> 00:00:55,139 Yeah. Check it out. Ready, Ike?
- 00:00:55,264 --> 00:00:56,390 Kick the baby!
- 00:00:56,515 --> 00:00:58,350 Don't kick the Goddamn baby.
- 00:00:58,476 --> 00:00:59,393 Kick the baby. - Waah.
- 00:00:59,518 --> 00:01:00,728 Ow.
- 00:01:00,853 --> 00:01:02,229 Whoa, Cartman.
- 00:01:02,354 --> 00:01:03,939 Looks like you didn't get much sleep last night.
- 00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:05,775 That's because I was having these bogus nightmares
- 00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:06,776 all night long.
- 00:01:06,901 --> 00:01:07,860 Really? What about?
- 00:01:07,985 --> 00:01:10,821 Well, I dreamt that I was lying in my bed, in the dark,
- 00:01:10,946 --> 00:01:11,989 when all of a sudden,
- 00:01:12,114 --> 00:01:14,033 this bright blue light filled the room.
- 00:01:14,158 --> 00:01:16,660 And slowly my bedroom door began to open.
- 00:01:16,786 --> 00:01:17,870 And the next thing I remember,
- 00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:19,872 I was being drug through a hallway.
- 00:01:19,997 --> 00:01:21,040 Weak!
- 00:01:21,165 --> 00:01:23,584 Then these scary aliens wanted to operate on me.
- 00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:25,878 They had big heads and big, black eyes.
- 00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:27,546 Dude, visitors! - Totally!
- 00:01:27,671 --> 00:01:28,297 What?
- 00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:29,965 That wasn't a dream, Cartman! Those were visitors!
- 00:01:30,091 --> 00:01:31,675 No, it was just a dream. My mom said so.
- 00:01:31,801 --> 00:01:34,136 Visitors are real. They --
- 00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:35,971 Wait a minute. This has all happened before.
- 00:01:36,097 --> 00:01:38,265 Yeah. This does seem really familiar.
- 00:01:38,390 --> 00:01:40,309 What the Funk & Wagnalls are you talking about?
- 00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:42,686 Cartman, don't you remember the last time you had this dream?
- 00:01:42,812 --> 00:01:45,106 Shut up, you guys. You're just trying to scare me.
- 00:01:45,231 --> 00:01:46,440 No, dude, this happened before!
- 00:01:46,565 --> 00:01:47,650 Aliens put some device in you,
- 00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:49,527 and we tied you up to a tree, and you went up on their ship.
- 00:01:49,652 --> 00:01:51,612 You don't remember that? - No, I don't remember that!
- 00:01:51,737 --> 00:01:52,446 You don't?
- 00:01:52,571 --> 00:01:55,324 No, because the aliens erased my memory!
- 00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:56,575 I remember this whole thing.
- 00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,285 Ike tried to follow you to school, you kicked him,
- 00:01:58,410 --> 00:02:00,121 then Cartman told us about his alien dream.
- 00:02:00,246 --> 00:02:01,997 Yeah, and then Chef pulled up in his car.
- 00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:05,960 Hello there, children!
- 00:02:07,378 --> 00:02:08,629 And then you said...
- 00:02:08,754 --> 00:02:10,339 What's gonna be for lunch today, Chef?
- 00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:13,050 Well, today it's Salisbury steak with hot buttered noodles...
- 00:02:13,175 --> 00:02:15,469 ...and a choice of green- bean salad or vegetable medley.
- 00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:16,428 Weird.
- 00:02:16,554 --> 00:02:18,472 Say, did any of you children...
- 00:02:18,597 --> 00:02:20,641 ...see the alien spaceship last night?
- 00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:21,684 What the...
- 00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:23,310 Chef, we're in a repeat!
- 00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:24,270 A repeat?
- 00:02:24,395 --> 00:02:26,397 Cartman was visited by aliens again last night,
- 00:02:26,522 --> 00:02:28,524 and now it's like we're living a repeat of a previous day!
- 00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,067 Oh, dude, I hate repeats.
- 00:02:30,192 --> 00:02:32,528 I've been feeling déjà vu all morning, children.
- 00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,697 I <i>knew</i> something strange was going on.
- 00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:36,699 It all started when Cartman got an anal probe.
- 00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:39,660 We have to get Eric to a proctologist right away.
- 00:02:41,787 --> 00:02:44,165 What is a proc-tologist, Chef?
- 00:02:44,290 --> 00:02:47,084 He's a doctor that specializes in your asshole, children.
- 00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:48,544 You mean at some point in this doctor's life,
- 00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,546 he decided he wanted to work on people's buttholes?
- 00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,298 That's right. - What a dick.
- 00:02:52,965 --> 00:02:54,884 Hello, everyone. - Hello, Doctor.
- 00:02:55,009 --> 00:02:56,760 Thanks for seeing Eric on such short notice.
- 00:02:56,886 --> 00:02:58,345 What seems to be the problem?
- 00:02:58,470 --> 00:02:59,430 We just want you to take a look
- 00:02:59,555 --> 00:03:01,307 and tell us if you see anything abnormal.
- 00:03:01,432 --> 00:03:02,892 Other than its monstrous size.
- 00:03:03,017 --> 00:03:06,145 Shut up, Kyle! Shut your goddamn mouth!
- 00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:08,397 All right. Let's see here.
- 00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,024 Oh my God! - What?
- 00:03:10,149 --> 00:03:13,527 Why, there's a huge crack going right down the middle!
- 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:15,905 Ha ha. Very funny.
- 00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:17,573 Like we haven't heard that one a zillion times.
- 00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:19,617 All right. Let's take a look.
- 00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:23,037 Hey! Just what the hell do you think you're doing?
- 00:03:23,162 --> 00:03:25,539 Eric, the doctor has to feel inside your rectum.
- 00:03:25,664 --> 00:03:28,083 Afterwards, he'll probably have to burn his hand and bury it.
- 00:03:28,209 --> 00:03:30,711 Kyle, I swear, if I didn't have a guy's hand up my ass right now,
- 00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:32,796 I'd leap across the room and kick you in the nuts.
- 00:03:32,922 --> 00:03:35,299 Uh -- Ooh. Ehh.
- 00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:36,967 The prostate seems to be normal.
- 00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:39,303 No swelling of the hormonal gland.
- 00:03:39,428 --> 00:03:41,013 Ooh. - Oh, wait. What's this?
- 00:03:41,138 --> 00:03:42,431 Aah!
- 00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:48,020 Are you okay? - Dude.
- 00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:50,814 You know that feeling when you take a huge dump?
- 00:03:50,940 --> 00:03:51,857 Awesome.
- 00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:52,900 Well, Doctor?
- 00:03:53,025 --> 00:03:55,736 I've never quite seen this before.
- 00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:58,155 Perhaps he just needs some hemorrhoid cream.
- 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,241 Aah! Aah!
- 00:04:00,366 --> 00:04:02,034 You all right?
- 00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:03,911 You know that feeling when the huge dump you just took
- 00:04:04,036 --> 00:04:05,162 shoots back up inside your ass?
- 00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:06,163 No, I'm not all right!
- 00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:08,624 I've never seen a hemorrhoid react this way.
- 00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:11,502 That wasn't no hemorrhoid. It was an alien hoop-a-joop!
- 00:04:11,627 --> 00:04:12,586 Come on, children!
- 00:04:12,711 --> 00:04:14,630 We've got to get Eric to some real help!
- 00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:15,714 Where to now, Chef?
- 00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:17,299 That thing inside Eric's asshole
- 00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:19,176 looked like some kind of alien satellite dish.
- 00:04:19,301 --> 00:04:22,263 We need to see my friend down at the space center now!
- 00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:33,190 You're the only person I could think of
- 00:04:33,315 --> 00:04:34,525 who might be able to help us, Jeff.
- 00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:36,735 How do we, uh, make it come out?
- 00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:39,321 Someone just has to activate it like the proctologist did.
- 00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:40,489 Oh, no, no, no, no!
- 00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:43,242 Nobody is putting their finger in my ass again.
- 00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:45,035 Unless it's Kyle.
- 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,121 What? No way! You do it, Kenny.
- 00:04:47,246 --> 00:04:49,248 Nope. It has to be Kyle. - Go on.
- 00:04:49,373 --> 00:04:51,000 I'm not putting my finger up Cartman's butt!
- 00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:53,210 Kyle, the fate of the world may be at stake.
- 00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,838 Come, Kyle. Do hurry.
- 00:04:59,925 --> 00:05:01,969 Go ahead. It won't bite.
- 00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:06,265 God damn it, Cartman!
- 00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:09,059 I couldn't resist. I'm sorry.
- 00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:12,479 Stop it, Cartman!
- 00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:14,356 Okay. Okay, okay.
- 00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:17,943 God damn it!
- 00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:19,737 Oh, man, that was great.
- 00:05:19,862 --> 00:05:23,032 Okay, go ahead. I'm all out of farts now.
- 00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:25,326 Durr!
- 00:05:25,451 --> 00:05:26,368 Mm!
- 00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:29,330 Okay, okay. It's not funny anymore.
- 00:05:30,414 --> 00:05:31,582 Oh, yes, it is!
- 00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:34,626 Eric, that's enough!
- 00:05:34,752 --> 00:05:36,295 Okay, okay.
- 00:05:37,588 --> 00:05:40,049 Oh! Double psyche!
- 00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:41,633 That's it!
- 00:05:41,759 --> 00:05:43,802 I don't care about the fate of the world! Screw it!
- 00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:44,928 Oh, nice going, Cartman!
- 00:05:45,054 --> 00:05:46,430 All right. All right. I'm sorry.
- 00:05:46,555 --> 00:05:48,057 Go ahead, Kyle. - No!
- 00:05:48,182 --> 00:05:50,059 No. Go ahead. I'm dry. - You're lying!
- 00:05:50,184 --> 00:05:52,144 It stopped being funny 40 seconds ago, boys.
- 00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:53,645 Let's just get this over with.
- 00:05:53,771 --> 00:05:55,481 But it <i>was</i> one of the best times I've ever had.
- 00:05:55,606 --> 00:05:57,274 Can I see this thing, please?
- 00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:58,567 Okay.
- 00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,861 Oh! God damn it!
- 00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:03,197 Okay. Now it's funny again.
- 00:06:03,322 --> 00:06:04,531 This is so awesome!
- 00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:07,034 I don't think I made it out of that proctologist's office.
- 00:06:07,159 --> 00:06:08,535 I think I died and went to heaven.
- 00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:10,329 That does it! Charge!
- 00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:11,705 Aah!
- 00:06:16,168 --> 00:06:17,586 What's it doing?
- 00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:20,798 It -- It's sending a transmission of some kind.
- 00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:22,674 Got it.
- 00:06:25,094 --> 00:06:27,679 It's just sending images of cities and people and stuff.
- 00:06:27,805 --> 00:06:29,640 Where is the signal being sent to?
- 00:06:31,183 --> 00:06:32,226 Aah!
- 00:06:33,852 --> 00:06:35,938 I don't want to play anymore, you guys.
- 00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:38,399 We went through all that just for some gay video of Earth?
- 00:06:38,524 --> 00:06:40,401 We wanted to see an alien planet or something.
- 00:06:40,526 --> 00:06:42,736 Whoever they are, if they're receiving messages,
- 00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:44,696 they might be sending them, too.
- 00:06:44,822 --> 00:06:46,782 Wait a minute. C-Candy bars.
- 00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:48,158 Candy bars?
- 00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:49,618 You -- You know, candy bars.
- 00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:50,994 They usually come in a wrapper,
- 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:53,205 just like you wrap a Christmas present.
- 00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:55,124 Christmas happens when it's cold.
- 00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:57,876 Cold, as in Alaska. That's where the polar bears...
- 00:06:58,001 --> 00:07:00,379 Polar bears... Pol -- Polarity!
- 00:07:00,504 --> 00:07:03,173 I can switch the polarity to see what transmissions
- 00:07:03,298 --> 00:07:07,219 are coming from the location this one is being sent to!
- 00:07:09,972 --> 00:07:11,557 What the heck?
- 00:07:16,812 --> 00:07:17,771 They're coming in!
- 00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:25,529 What do we do?
- 00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:26,655 It's that guy you want!
- 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,657 He's trying to reverse your polarities!
- 00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:29,324 What?!
- 00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:32,327 Aah! Run, run, run!
- 00:07:32,453 --> 00:07:34,163 Get in the car, children. Get in the car!
- 00:07:39,168 --> 00:07:42,045 What is that? - Can you see anything, children?
- 00:07:42,171 --> 00:07:44,131 The aliens are chasing us!
- 00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:51,889 Goddamn aliens!
- 00:07:54,433 --> 00:07:55,809 Chef, end of the road!
- 00:07:57,019 --> 00:07:59,021 Hold on, children! We have to ditch them!
- 00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:01,148 What are you doing, man?
- 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:07,237 <i>Looks like them boys are getting a little fresh air.</i>
- 00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:14,745 I think we ditched 'em.
- 00:08:14,870 --> 00:08:16,538 I don't think we're out of the woods yet.
- 00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:21,460 Goot, goot!
- 00:08:21,585 --> 00:08:22,878 It's the police!
- 00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,171 That ain't no police!
- 00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:32,346 When do we get to eat? I'm hungry.
- 00:08:32,471 --> 00:08:33,055 Chef!
- 00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:35,057 Ohh!
- 00:08:46,068 --> 00:08:47,903 Ha! Goddamn aliens!
- 00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:49,905 I beat you!
- 00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:53,158 Where'd you learn to drive, aliens -- Chinese auto school?
- 00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:54,826 Chef!
- 00:08:54,952 --> 00:08:56,703 You're lucky I didn't just turn around
- 00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:58,956 and beat your white, skinny alien asses anyway!
- 00:08:59,081 --> 00:09:02,167 Maybe next time you'll remember to -- Huh?
- 00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:05,837 Oh, crap! Children!
- 00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:08,006 Chef!
- 00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:10,259 <i>Well, it looks like the boys are in more trouble</i>
- 00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:11,927 <i>than a June bug in molasses.</i>
- 00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:14,054 <i>And it's pretty thick molasses, too.</i>
- 00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:20,227 Uh...
- 00:09:20,352 --> 00:09:23,146 Ugh. You guys, wake up!
- 00:09:23,272 --> 00:09:25,440 What the... Where -- Where are we?
- 00:09:25,566 --> 00:09:27,818 We're in the alien ship.
- 00:09:27,943 --> 00:09:29,027 Aah! Aah!
- 00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:30,696 I'm trapped inside Helen Hunt's ass!
- 00:09:30,821 --> 00:09:32,030 Oh, God! Help me, you guys!
- 00:09:32,155 --> 00:09:34,408 It's not Helen Hunt's ass. It's an alien spaceship.
- 00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:37,828 Oh, thank God! Oh, thank -- thank you, Lord.
- 00:09:37,953 --> 00:09:39,997 You guys, look.
- 00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:42,624 Wow. - Wow.
- 00:09:46,712 --> 00:09:48,380 Oh, my God. Do you guys realize?
- 00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:51,216 This is only the second time we've ever been in outer space.
- 00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:53,343 Yeah. - Rmphm.
- 00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:55,721 This is like my fifth time.
- 00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:02,352 Uh-oh. This must be the head alien guy.
- 00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:04,104 Mrph rmh!
- 00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,065 Hello, boys.
- 00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:08,650 Dad?
- 00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:09,985 No, not really.
- 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,153 I just read your mind
- 00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:13,864 and thought this form might be more pleasing to you.
- 00:10:13,989 --> 00:10:15,866 Oh, dude, don't do that. That's gay.
- 00:10:15,991 --> 00:10:17,576 Yeah, that's like that stupid movie <i>Contact.</i>
- 00:10:17,701 --> 00:10:19,119 Oh, God. That movie pissed me off.
- 00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:21,663 Very well. I shall show my true form.
- 00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:23,749 Blargh, blargh, blargh! Blargh, blargh!
- 00:10:23,874 --> 00:10:25,751 Okay, okay! Take the form of something else!
- 00:10:25,876 --> 00:10:27,377 How's this?
- 00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:29,212 Santa!
- 00:10:29,338 --> 00:10:30,505 No. That's stupid, too.
- 00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:32,758 How about this?
- 00:10:32,883 --> 00:10:33,717 No.
- 00:10:35,093 --> 00:10:36,053 No.
- 00:10:38,013 --> 00:10:40,015 Ooh, very nice. - No.
- 00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:42,976 No.
- 00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:45,145 Dy-no-mite! - No.
- 00:10:47,272 --> 00:10:48,607 Jeff!
- 00:10:48,732 --> 00:10:50,692 The aliens took the children up on their ship!
- 00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:51,360 Oh, no!
- 00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:53,111 Did you find out what the aliens are up to?
- 00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:55,155 When I reversed the polarities, I found this.
- 00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:58,533 It's a message that the aliens are broadcasting
- 00:10:58,659 --> 00:10:59,868 throughout the entire universe.
- 00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,578 But I have no idea what it says.
- 00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:03,038 They took the children, Jeff!
- 00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:05,082 I have to know what those aliens are up to!
- 00:11:05,207 --> 00:11:06,458 Wait a minute.
- 00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:07,709 Butt sex.
- 00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:09,002 Butt sex?
- 00:11:09,127 --> 00:11:11,505 Butt sex requires a lot of lubrication, right?
- 00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:12,964 Lubrication...
- 00:11:13,090 --> 00:11:14,716 Lubra, chupa...
- 00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:17,594 Chupacabras, the -- the goat-killer of Mexican folklore.
- 00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:19,304 Folklore is stories from the past
- 00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:22,557 that are often fictionalized -- fictionalized to heighten drama.
- 00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:23,642 Drama student!
- 00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:25,686 Students at colleges usually have bicycles.
- 00:11:25,811 --> 00:11:26,978 Bi-- Bi-- Binary!
- 00:11:27,104 --> 00:11:28,939 It's binary code!
- 00:11:29,064 --> 00:11:31,149 Who's having butt sex?
- 00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:33,402 ♪ Hello, my honey, hello, my baby ♪
- 00:11:33,527 --> 00:11:35,987 ♪ Hello, my ragtime gal ♪
- 00:11:36,113 --> 00:11:37,239 No.
- 00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:39,825 ♪ Let me search it, gonna work it ♪
- 00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:42,202 No.
- 00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:44,663 ♪ Don't piss on the moon, babe ♪
- 00:11:44,788 --> 00:11:45,414 No.
- 00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:47,833 All right, Earthlings. What form do you want me to take?
- 00:11:49,668 --> 00:11:53,213 How about a taco that craps ice cream?
- 00:11:57,259 --> 00:11:58,468 Guys?
- 00:11:58,593 --> 00:12:00,137 I like it. - Mrph rmh.
- 00:12:01,430 --> 00:12:03,306 All right. Then we can get back to business.
- 00:12:03,432 --> 00:12:05,934 Follow me this way, Earthlings.
- 00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:11,565 I want to apologize to you boys for all the spooky, scary stuff.
- 00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:14,234 We just needed to get to the malfunctioning uplink relay.
- 00:12:14,359 --> 00:12:16,319 You mean the thing in Cartman's ass? - That's right.
- 00:12:16,445 --> 00:12:19,197 See, there are dishes in over 50,000 Earthlings' rectums.
- 00:12:19,322 --> 00:12:21,116 Your friend's has been malfunctioning.
- 00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:22,534 Why do you put them into people's asses?
- 00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:24,161 Are you planning some kind of alien takeover?
- 00:12:24,286 --> 00:12:26,913 Oh, heavens, no! We're a production company.
- 00:12:27,038 --> 00:12:28,957 We make intergalactic television programs
- 00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:31,293 that the whole universe watches.
- 00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:32,502 Television?
- 00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:35,589 We at Nerzod Productions started 20 billion years ago
- 00:12:35,714 --> 00:12:36,965 with one philosophy --
- 00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:40,135 The best universal television isn't scripted, it's real.
- 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:43,054 We started with great shows like "Who Wants to Marry a Gelgamek?"
- 00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:44,931 and "Antares 6 Millionaire".
- 00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:46,183 And then we had a big hit
- 00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:48,185 with "Get Me Outta Here, I'm a Klingnanian!"
- 00:12:48,310 --> 00:12:50,562 But then, of course, there's our signature show --
- 00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:54,024 the greatest universal reality show of all time.
- 00:12:58,570 --> 00:12:59,738 Earth?
- 00:12:59,863 --> 00:13:01,698 A few billion years ago, we realized --
- 00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:02,866 What if we took species
- 00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:04,826 from all different planets in the universe
- 00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:07,120 and put them together on the same planet?
- 00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:08,371 Great TV, right?
- 00:13:08,497 --> 00:13:11,208 Asians, bears, ducks, Jews, deer, and Hispanics
- 00:13:11,333 --> 00:13:13,627 all trying to live side by side on one planet!
- 00:13:13,752 --> 00:13:14,753 It's great!
- 00:13:15,337 --> 00:13:17,547 Our planet is just a reality-TV show?
- 00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:18,882 You don't think the whole universe
- 00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:20,467 works the way Earth does, do you?
- 00:13:20,592 --> 00:13:22,427 No! One species, one planet.
- 00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:25,138 There's a planet of deer, a planet of Asians, and so on.
- 00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:26,723 We put them all together on Earth,
- 00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:29,434 and the whole universe tunes in to watch the fun!
- 00:13:30,352 --> 00:13:32,062 You mean you aliens actually enjoy sitting around
- 00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:33,647 and watching us fight and kill each other?
- 00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:35,065 Dude, that's messed up.
- 00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:36,066 Why? - Why?
- 00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:37,526 You're playing with people's lives!
- 00:13:37,651 --> 00:13:39,653 You're turning people's problems into entertainment!
- 00:13:39,778 --> 00:13:42,197 Yeah! We'd never do that on Earth!
- 00:13:45,075 --> 00:13:46,284 Ladies and gentlemen,
- 00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:48,620 we have recently come across an alien transmission
- 00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:51,081 that is being beamed throughout the entire universe.
- 00:13:53,542 --> 00:13:55,752 When decoded, it looks like this.
- 00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:09,516 What does it mean?
- 00:14:09,641 --> 00:14:11,101 I-It's simple mathematical language
- 00:14:11,226 --> 00:14:13,186 that can be understood throughout the solar system.
- 00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:16,356 Translated into our language, it looks like this.
- 00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:19,025 This Jannemon at 8:00,
- 00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:21,695 it's everyone's favorite show -- "Earth!"
- 00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:24,614 It's been 100 galgamars since we first took species
- 00:14:24,739 --> 00:14:26,116 from 17 different planets
- 00:14:26,241 --> 00:14:28,451 and put them all together on the same planet!
- 00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:30,120 Ur derp!
- 00:14:30,245 --> 00:14:32,205 They've fought and fallen in love.
- 00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:34,082 What will happen this galgamar?
- 00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:36,042 Tune in Jannemon at 8:00 to find out!
- 00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:39,004 It's "Earth!" on FOGNL!
- 00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:45,760 I'm afraid that Earth -- a-all of Earth --
- 00:14:45,886 --> 00:14:49,431 is nothing but an intergalactic reality-TV show.
- 00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:52,601 My God.
- 00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:53,602 We're famous!
- 00:14:57,355 --> 00:14:58,440 Wait. Y-You don't understand.
- 00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:00,025 I'm on TV!
- 00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:01,234 I'm on TV!
- 00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:03,320 Oh, this is so awesome!
- 00:15:03,445 --> 00:15:04,696 Whoo-hoo-hoo!
- 00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:05,780 Whoo-hoo!
- 00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:11,745 That should get the relay working again.
- 00:15:11,870 --> 00:15:13,705 All right, Earthlings. If you'll step over this way,
- 00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:15,874 we'll erase your memories and get you back to Earth.
- 00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:17,459 Oh, excuse me.
- 00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,002 This is Nagix.
- 00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:20,462 Uh-huh.
- 00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,255 Oh, no.
- 00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:23,757 Oh, no. Really?
- 00:15:23,882 --> 00:15:25,175 And it's -- it's for sure?
- 00:15:26,343 --> 00:15:28,428 All right. I'll break the news to everyone.
- 00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:31,056 No, no. I-I understand. Thanks.
- 00:15:31,181 --> 00:15:33,558 Well, you kids can go back to Earth if you want,
- 00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:35,185 but I'm afraid it won't be there for long.
- 00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:36,436 The show's been canceled.
- 00:15:36,561 --> 00:15:37,938 What? Who canceled us?
- 00:15:38,063 --> 00:15:39,272 The universal network heads.
- 00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:41,107 They say the Earthlings have become aware of the show,
- 00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:42,275 so it won't be funny anymore.
- 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:43,944 Oh, shit. Did we do that?
- 00:15:44,069 --> 00:15:45,779 Everyone, can I have your attention real quick?
- 00:15:45,904 --> 00:15:47,948 Uh, look, I just got a call from the network,
- 00:15:48,073 --> 00:15:50,200 and I'm afraid "Earth!" has been canceled.
- 00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:51,242 Aww!
- 00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:52,911 Now -- Now, it was a great run,
- 00:15:53,036 --> 00:15:55,288 and I think we should all be really proud.
- 00:15:57,666 --> 00:15:58,792 Let's call in the demolition crew
- 00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:00,251 to strike the Earth for resources.
- 00:16:00,377 --> 00:16:02,003 Wait! Wait! They -- They can't do this!
- 00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:03,421 Let us talk to the network heads!
- 00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:05,590 Wouldn't do any good. - Dude, we have to try!
- 00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:07,175 Please, take us to them. Please!
- 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:09,678 All right, kids. We'll take you to the network heads.
- 00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:12,639 But I warn you -- Nobody has ever gotten the executives
- 00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:15,308 to uncancel a show once the call has been made.
- 00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:16,434 Nobody.
- 00:16:40,291 --> 00:16:42,252 What the hell is that?
- 00:16:42,377 --> 00:16:45,380 There's a huge ship of some kind in Earth's orbit.
- 00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,298 But why? Wait a minute.
- 00:16:47,424 --> 00:16:48,299 Chaos theory!
- 00:16:48,425 --> 00:16:49,300 Chaos theory?
- 00:16:49,426 --> 00:16:50,301 Chaos theory.
- 00:16:50,427 --> 00:16:52,303 It was first thought of in the '60s.
- 00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:54,264 60 -- That's the number of episodes
- 00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:56,641 they made of "Punky Brewster" before it was canceled.
- 00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:58,309 Canceled? - Huh?
- 00:16:58,435 --> 00:17:00,770 Don't you see? The show is over.
- 00:17:00,895 --> 00:17:02,480 The aliens are canceling Earth!
- 00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:05,025 Oh, my God. We have to stop them!
- 00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:09,946 <i>Welcome to planet FOGNL, home of the Joozians,</i>
- 00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:13,658 <i>who control all media in the universe!</i>
- 00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:17,287 Can I help you?
- 00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:20,707 Oh, uh, we have a 3:00 meeting with the network heads.
- 00:17:20,832 --> 00:17:23,126 Where are you visiting from? - Uh, Earth.
- 00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:25,462 Ooh! I watch that show all the time!
- 00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:28,798 Oh, sure! Come on in, Earthlings!
- 00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:30,633 We're just checking out our new show.
- 00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:33,178 We took 100 beings from the planet Marklar
- 00:17:33,303 --> 00:17:34,471 and put them on an asteroid
- 00:17:34,596 --> 00:17:36,473 with sentient beings from the Horsehead Nebula.
- 00:17:36,598 --> 00:17:37,807 It's a riot!
- 00:17:37,932 --> 00:17:39,184 They hate each other!
- 00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:44,355 "Mighty, powerful network executives,
- 00:17:44,481 --> 00:17:46,483 we have come a great distance in order to --"
- 00:17:46,608 --> 00:17:48,860 Ooh, I'm starving. You Earthlings have haglar yet?
- 00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:50,195 Oh, yeah. Let's do haglar.
- 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:51,571 Where do you want to go, Meroni's?
- 00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:53,156 Not on a Flakmar. Too crowded.
- 00:17:53,281 --> 00:17:54,991 Ooh! Blackafelch!
- 00:17:55,116 --> 00:17:56,701 Oh, Blackafelch! Perfect!
- 00:17:58,495 --> 00:18:00,205 This place is fantastic.
- 00:18:00,330 --> 00:18:02,123 Look, we just want to talk to you about the show.
- 00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:04,125 Please don't cancel us. Please.
- 00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:05,460 Oh, I'm sorry, Earthlings.
- 00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:08,046 But you have to realize, the universe is a business.
- 00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:10,757 You made it to 100 episodes. You should be proud.
- 00:18:10,882 --> 00:18:13,051 Yeah, a show should never go past 100 episodes
- 00:18:13,176 --> 00:18:14,636 or else it starts to get stale
- 00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:17,806 with ridiculously stupid plotlines and settings.
- 00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:21,184 Here's your order of gespahtgaplachfenachenblah!
- 00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:25,396 But, sirs, we -- we think our show is just getting good.
- 00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:27,398 I mean, we're just now starting to see people
- 00:18:27,524 --> 00:18:29,109 get really pissed off at each other.
- 00:18:29,234 --> 00:18:30,693 Oh, my God. This is great!
- 00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:32,862 You must have some Joozian ancestry.
- 00:18:32,987 --> 00:18:33,863 Tell us about it.
- 00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:35,490 There's five billion people on our show.
- 00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,075 You can't just up and cancel on us.
- 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:40,161 Oh, my God. Will you look at the hekmas on that joozinek?
- 00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:41,830 Dude, we're trying to save our planet here!
- 00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:43,748 Let's take the Earthlings to a hekma bar!
- 00:18:43,873 --> 00:18:44,916 Oh, yeah!
- 00:18:48,545 --> 00:18:50,630 Oh, yeah. Let's see those hekmas!
- 00:18:50,755 --> 00:18:52,090 Sirs, uh, if you'll --
- 00:18:52,215 --> 00:18:54,592 Oh, man, I am so wasted.
- 00:18:54,717 --> 00:18:56,803 Hey, you Earthlings want to try a little glach?
- 00:19:01,015 --> 00:19:03,059 Oh, yeah!
- 00:19:03,184 --> 00:19:04,477 Oh, gluck, yeah!
- 00:19:06,437 --> 00:19:07,188 Kenny!
- 00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:08,273 Man, screw this place!
- 00:19:08,398 --> 00:19:10,275 Let's go get a hotel room and a hooker!
- 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:11,276 Oh, yeah!
- 00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:12,277 Yeah!
- 00:19:13,945 --> 00:19:15,780 We have to find a way to stop those aliens!
- 00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:18,158 Oh, their ship is massive! There's no way to stop it!
- 00:19:18,283 --> 00:19:19,784 Wait a minute. Jackets!
- 00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:20,535 Oh, no.
- 00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,579 If people don't wear jackets, they could get cold.
- 00:19:22,704 --> 00:19:24,330 A cold is caused by a virus.
- 00:19:24,455 --> 00:19:25,331 A virus...
- 00:19:25,456 --> 00:19:26,791 Computer virus!
- 00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:28,084 We could make a computer virus
- 00:19:28,209 --> 00:19:30,837 and send it to their ship to disable their computers!
- 00:19:31,713 --> 00:19:34,757 That doesn't make any goddamn sense!
- 00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:38,094 Oh, yeah, hooker! Oh, yeah! Yeah!
- 00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:40,013 Whoo-hoo-hoo! Yeah!
- 00:19:41,431 --> 00:19:43,183 Boy, Earthlings, is this a party or what?
- 00:19:45,059 --> 00:19:47,645 Oh, that's it, baby. You're getting my jagon hard.
- 00:19:47,770 --> 00:19:49,981 Yeah. Let's party.
- 00:19:50,106 --> 00:19:51,941 Yes, suck my jagon.
- 00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:54,319 Yeah. Now you suck on <i>my</i> jagon.
- 00:19:54,444 --> 00:19:57,113 Oh, yeah! Stick your finger in my thrusher.
- 00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:59,032 Oh, yeah, suck it! Suck that jagon.
- 00:20:00,283 --> 00:20:02,368 Dude, I have no idea what we're seeing right now,
- 00:20:02,493 --> 00:20:05,330 but I have a feeling it's really, really wrong.
- 00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:08,833 Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!
- 00:20:10,293 --> 00:20:12,921 Oh, God. My head.
- 00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:14,756 What did we do?
- 00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:17,926 Oh, man, I can't believe I sucked your jagon.
- 00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:20,553 Oh, God! We did suck each other's jagons.
- 00:20:20,678 --> 00:20:22,597 You kids won't tell anybody about this, right?
- 00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:23,598 No.
- 00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:24,682 No. Wait.
- 00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:27,268 We won't tell anybody if you don't cancel our show.
- 00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:29,103 Ooh. I knew that was coming.
- 00:20:29,229 --> 00:20:30,772 They've really got us by the nezmins.
- 00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:32,315 The Earth show can still be good.
- 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:34,984 Just erase everyone's memory so we don't know we're a show!
- 00:20:35,109 --> 00:20:37,070 I'm sure you'll see that if you give our world time,
- 00:20:37,195 --> 00:20:39,280 it will become even more outrageous and violent.
- 00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:41,199 There's even World War III to look forward to.
- 00:20:41,324 --> 00:20:42,951 Then we won't have to show anybody the picture
- 00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:44,452 of you guys sucking each other's jagons.
- 00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,162 All right! All right, Earthlings!
- 00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:47,413 You win.
- 00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:48,957 The show can stay on.
- 00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:50,041 All right!
- 00:20:50,166 --> 00:20:52,460 Just be sure to keep up the wars and violence.
- 00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:54,963 Well, we've got a 5:00 with the Yurka producers.
- 00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:57,507 Nice meeting you, Earthlings. Bye!
- 00:20:58,841 --> 00:21:00,551 Whoa, Cartman.
- 00:21:00,677 --> 00:21:02,178 Looks like you didn't get much sleep last night.
- 00:21:02,303 --> 00:21:03,972 That's 'cause I was having these bogus nightmares
- 00:21:04,097 --> 00:21:04,973 all night long.
- 00:21:05,098 --> 00:21:06,057 Mrph rmhmhm rm!
- 00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:07,600 - What the hell is that? - Mrph rmh.
- 00:21:08,726 --> 00:21:10,645 Hello there, children! - Hey, Chef.
- 00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:11,604 Chef, Kenny has a picture
- 00:21:11,729 --> 00:21:14,816 of two green things sucking each other's shoulders.
- 00:21:15,650 --> 00:21:16,818 What is it, Chef?
- 00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:18,820 I don't know, but something tells me
- 00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:20,863 this picture might be very important, children.
- 00:21:20,989 --> 00:21:22,657 You should hang on to it.
- 00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:24,701 <i>Attention, universe!</i>
- 00:21:24,826 --> 00:21:25,952 <i>Be sure to tune in next week</i>
- 00:21:26,077 --> 00:21:28,079 <i>for another exciting episode of "Earth!"</i>
- 00:21:28,204 --> 00:21:30,873 <i>The Asians are really stewed at the Russians.</i>
- 00:21:30,999 --> 00:21:33,042 <i>The zebras try to get along with the buffalo.</i>
- 00:21:33,167 --> 00:21:36,087 <i>And Americans and Iraqis have an all-out brawl!</i>
- 00:21:36,212 --> 00:21:38,339 <i>It's outrageous fun, and it's all new!</i>
- 00:21:38,464 --> 00:21:40,133 <i>"Earth!" on FOGNL.</i>
- 00:21:56,607 --> 00:21:58,693 ♪ Let me search it, gonna work it ♪
- 00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:11,929 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:13,806 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:15,599 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:18,602 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,604 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:00:20,730 --> 00:00:22,023 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
- 00:00:22,148 --> 00:00:25,401 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:28,529 Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
- 00:00:28,654 --> 00:00:33,200 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:37,038 ♪ School days, school days, teacher's Golden Rule -- ♪
- 00:00:37,163 --> 00:00:38,372 Aw, damn it! - What?
- 00:00:38,497 --> 00:00:40,708 My Goddamn brother is trying to follow me to school again!
- 00:00:40,833 --> 00:00:42,084 Suck my balls.
- 00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:44,086 No, Ike, you can't come to school with me.
- 00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:45,504 Yeah! Go home, you little dildo!
- 00:00:45,629 --> 00:00:47,923 Dude, for the last time, don't call my brother a dildo!
- 00:00:48,049 --> 00:00:50,468 All right, go home, you little semen-puking, asshole dickhead.
- 00:00:50,593 --> 00:00:51,594 [ Laughter ]
- 00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:53,179 Ow! - Dude, sweet.
- 00:00:53,304 --> 00:00:55,139 Yeah. Check it out. Ready, Ike?
- 00:00:55,264 --> 00:00:56,390 Kick the baby!
- 00:00:56,515 --> 00:00:58,350 Don't kick the Goddamn baby.
- 00:00:58,476 --> 00:00:59,393 Kick the baby. - Waah.
- 00:00:59,518 --> 00:01:00,728 Ow.
- 00:01:00,853 --> 00:01:02,229 [ Yawns ] - Whoa, Cartman.
- 00:01:02,354 --> 00:01:03,939 Looks like you didn't get much sleep last night.
- 00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:05,775 That's because I was having these bogus nightmares
- 00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:06,776 all night long.
- 00:01:06,901 --> 00:01:07,860 Really? What about?
- 00:01:07,985 --> 00:01:10,821 Well, I dreamt that I was lying in my bed, in the dark,
- 00:01:10,946 --> 00:01:11,989 when all of a sudden,
- 00:01:12,114 --> 00:01:14,033 this bright blue light filled the room.
- 00:01:14,158 --> 00:01:16,660 And slowly my bedroom door began to open.
- 00:01:16,786 --> 00:01:17,870 And the next thing I remember,
- 00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:19,872 I was being drug through a hallway.
- 00:01:19,997 --> 00:01:21,040 Weak!
- 00:01:21,165 --> 00:01:23,584 Then these scary aliens wanted to operate on me.
- 00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:25,878 They had big heads and big, black eyes.
- 00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:27,546 Dude, visitors! - Totally!
- 00:01:27,671 --> 00:01:28,297 What?
- 00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:29,965 That wasn't a dream, Cartman! Those were visitors!
- 00:01:30,091 --> 00:01:31,675 No, it was just a dream. My mom said so.
- 00:01:31,801 --> 00:01:34,136 Visitors are real. They --
- 00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:35,971 Wait a minute. This has all happened before.
- 00:01:36,097 --> 00:01:38,265 Yeah. This does seem really familiar.
- 00:01:38,390 --> 00:01:40,309 What the Funk & Wagnalls are you talking about?
- 00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:42,686 Cartman, don't you remember the last time you had this dream?
- 00:01:42,812 --> 00:01:45,106 Shut up, you guys. You're just trying to scare me.
- 00:01:45,231 --> 00:01:46,440 No, dude, this happened before!
- 00:01:46,565 --> 00:01:47,650 Aliens put some device in you,
- 00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:49,527 and we tied you up to a tree, and you went up on their ship.
- 00:01:49,652 --> 00:01:51,612 You don't remember that? - No, I don't remember that!
- 00:01:51,737 --> 00:01:52,446 You don't?
- 00:01:52,571 --> 00:01:55,324 No, because the aliens erased my memory!
- 00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:56,575 I remember this whole thing.
- 00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,285 Ike tried to follow you to school, you kicked him,
- 00:01:58,410 --> 00:02:00,121 then Cartman told us about his alien dream.
- 00:02:00,246 --> 00:02:01,997 Yeah, and then Chef pulled up in his car.
- 00:02:02,123 --> 00:02:03,999 [ Funk music playing ]
- 00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:05,960 Hello there, children!
- 00:02:06,085 --> 00:02:07,253 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- 00:02:07,378 --> 00:02:08,629 And then you said...
- 00:02:08,754 --> 00:02:10,339 What's gonna be for lunch today, Chef?
- 00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:13,050 Well, today it's Salisbury steak with hot buttered noodles...
- 00:02:13,175 --> 00:02:15,469 [all]...and a choice of green- bean salad or vegetable medley.
- 00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:16,428 Weird.
- 00:02:16,554 --> 00:02:18,472 Say, did any of you children...
- 00:02:18,597 --> 00:02:20,641 [all]...see the alien spaceship last night?
- 00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:21,684 What the...
- 00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:23,310 Chef, we're in a repeat!
- 00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:24,270 A repeat?
- 00:02:24,395 --> 00:02:26,397 Cartman was visited by aliens again last night,
- 00:02:26,522 --> 00:02:28,524 and now it's like we're living a repeat of a previous day!
- 00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,067 Oh, dude, I hate repeats.
- 00:02:30,192 --> 00:02:32,528 I've been feeling déjà vu all morning, children.
- 00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,697 I <i>knew</i> something strange was going on.
- 00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:36,699 It all started when Cartman got an anal probe.
- 00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:39,660 We have to get Eric to a proctologist right away.
- 00:02:41,787 --> 00:02:44,165 What is a proc-tologist, Chef?
- 00:02:44,290 --> 00:02:47,084 He's a doctor that specializes in your asshole, children.
- 00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:48,544 You mean at some point in this doctor's life,
- 00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,546 he decided he wanted to work on people's buttholes?
- 00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,298 That's right. - What a dick.
- 00:02:52,965 --> 00:02:54,884 Hello, everyone. - Hello, Doctor.
- 00:02:55,009 --> 00:02:56,760 Thanks for seeing Eric on such short notice.
- 00:02:56,886 --> 00:02:58,345 What seems to be the problem?
- 00:02:58,470 --> 00:02:59,430 We just want you to take a look
- 00:02:59,555 --> 00:03:01,307 and tell us if you see anything abnormal.
- 00:03:01,432 --> 00:03:02,892 Other than its monstrous size.
- 00:03:03,017 --> 00:03:06,145 Shut up, Kyle! Shut your goddamn mouth!
- 00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:08,397 All right. Let's see here.
- 00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,024 Oh my God! - What?
- 00:03:10,149 --> 00:03:13,527 Why, there's a huge crack going right down the middle!
- 00:03:13,652 --> 00:03:14,570 [ Laughs ]
- 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:15,905 Ha ha. Very funny.
- 00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:17,573 Like we haven't heard that one a zillion times.
- 00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:19,617 All right. Let's take a look.
- 00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:23,037 Hey! Just what the hell do you think you're doing?
- 00:03:23,162 --> 00:03:25,539 Eric, the doctor has to feel inside your rectum.
- 00:03:25,664 --> 00:03:28,083 Afterwards, he'll probably have to burn his hand and bury it.
- 00:03:28,209 --> 00:03:30,711 Kyle, I swear, if I didn't have a guy's hand up my ass right now,
- 00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:32,796 I'd leap across the room and kick you in the nuts.
- 00:03:32,922 --> 00:03:35,299 [ Grunts ] Uh -- Ooh. Ehh.
- 00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:36,967 The prostate seems to be normal.
- 00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:39,303 No swelling of the hormonal gland.
- 00:03:39,428 --> 00:03:41,013 Ooh. [ Grunts ] - Oh, wait. What's this?
- 00:03:41,138 --> 00:03:42,431 [ Farts ] - Aah!
- 00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:46,268 [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:48,020 Are you okay? - Dude.
- 00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:50,814 You know that feeling when you take a huge dump?
- 00:03:50,940 --> 00:03:51,857 Awesome.
- 00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:52,900 Well, Doctor?
- 00:03:53,025 --> 00:03:55,736 I've never quite seen this before.
- 00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:58,155 Perhaps he just needs some hemorrhoid cream.
- 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,241 Aah! Aah! - [ Whirring ]
- 00:04:00,366 --> 00:04:02,034 [ Grunts ] - You all right?
- 00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:03,911 You know that feeling when the huge dump you just took
- 00:04:04,036 --> 00:04:05,162 shoots back up inside your ass?
- 00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:06,163 No, I'm not all right!
- 00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:08,624 I've never seen a hemorrhoid react this way.
- 00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:11,502 That wasn't no hemorrhoid. It was an alien hoop-a-joop!
- 00:04:11,627 --> 00:04:12,586 Come on, children!
- 00:04:12,711 --> 00:04:14,630 We've got to get Eric to some real help!
- 00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:15,714 Where to now, Chef?
- 00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:17,299 That thing inside Eric's asshole
- 00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:19,176 looked like some kind of alien satellite dish.
- 00:04:19,301 --> 00:04:22,263 We need to see my friend down at the space center now!
- 00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:28,227 [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:31,605 [ Birds chirping, insects buzzing ]
- 00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:33,190 You're the only person I could think of
- 00:04:33,315 --> 00:04:34,525 who might be able to help us, Jeff.
- 00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:36,735 How do we, uh, make it come out?
- 00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:39,321 Someone just has to activate it like the proctologist did.
- 00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:40,489 Oh, no, no, no, no!
- 00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:43,242 Nobody is putting their finger in my ass again.
- 00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:45,035 Unless it's Kyle.
- 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,121 What? No way! You do it, Kenny.
- 00:04:47,246 --> 00:04:49,248 Nope. It has to be Kyle. - Go on.
- 00:04:49,373 --> 00:04:51,000 I'm not putting my finger up Cartman's butt!
- 00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:53,210 Kyle, the fate of the world may be at stake.
- 00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,838 Come, Kyle. Do hurry.
- 00:04:59,925 --> 00:05:01,969 Go ahead. It won't bite.
- 00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:04,388 [ Farts, laughs ]
- 00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:06,265 [ Laughing ] - God damn it, Cartman!
- 00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:09,059 I couldn't resist. I'm sorry.
- 00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:10,519 [ Farts, laughs ]
- 00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:12,479 [ Laughing ] - Stop it, Cartman!
- 00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:14,356 Okay. Okay, okay.
- 00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:15,858 [ Farts, laughs ]
- 00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:17,943 [ Laughing ] - God damn it!
- 00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:19,737 Oh, man, that was great.
- 00:05:19,862 --> 00:05:23,032 Okay, go ahead. I'm all out of farts now.
- 00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:24,491 [ Farts, laughs ]
- 00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:25,326 Durr!
- 00:05:25,451 --> 00:05:26,368 Mm! [ Laughs ]
- 00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:29,330 Okay, okay. It's not funny anymore.
- 00:05:30,414 --> 00:05:31,582 [ Farts ] Oh, yes, it is!
- 00:05:31,707 --> 00:05:33,250 [ Laughter ]
- 00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:34,626 Eric, that's enough!
- 00:05:34,752 --> 00:05:36,295 Okay, okay.
- 00:05:37,588 --> 00:05:40,049 [ Farts ] Oh! Double psyche!
- 00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:41,633 [ Laughter] - That's it!
- 00:05:41,759 --> 00:05:43,802 I don't care about the fate of the world! Screw it!
- 00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:44,928 Oh, nice going, Cartman!
- 00:05:45,054 --> 00:05:46,430 All right. All right. I'm sorry.
- 00:05:46,555 --> 00:05:48,057 Go ahead, Kyle. - No!
- 00:05:48,182 --> 00:05:50,059 No. Go ahead. I'm dry. - You're lying!
- 00:05:50,184 --> 00:05:52,144 It stopped being funny 40 seconds ago, boys.
- 00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:53,645 Let's just get this over with.
- 00:05:53,771 --> 00:05:55,481 But it <i>was</i> one of the best times I've ever had.
- 00:05:55,606 --> 00:05:57,274 Can I see this thing, please?
- 00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:58,567 Okay.
- 00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,861 [ Farts ] Oh! God damn it!
- 00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:03,197 [ Laughs ] Okay. Now it's funny again.
- 00:06:03,322 --> 00:06:04,531 This is so awesome!
- 00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:07,034 I don't think I made it out of that proctologist's office.
- 00:06:07,159 --> 00:06:08,535 I think I died and went to heaven.
- 00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:10,329 That does it! Charge!
- 00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:11,705 [ Farts ] Aah!
- 00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:14,375 [ Whirring ]
- 00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:16,043 [ Humming ]
- 00:06:16,168 --> 00:06:17,586 What's it doing?
- 00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:20,798 It -- It's sending a transmission of some kind.
- 00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:22,674 Got it.
- 00:06:25,094 --> 00:06:27,679 It's just sending images of cities and people and stuff.
- 00:06:27,805 --> 00:06:29,640 Where is the signal being sent to?
- 00:06:31,183 --> 00:06:32,226 Aah!
- 00:06:32,351 --> 00:06:33,727 [ Grunts ]
- 00:06:33,852 --> 00:06:35,938 I don't want to play anymore, you guys.
- 00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:38,399 We went through all that just for some gay video of Earth?
- 00:06:38,524 --> 00:06:40,401 We wanted to see an alien planet or something.
- 00:06:40,526 --> 00:06:42,736 Whoever they are, if they're receiving messages,
- 00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:44,696 they might be sending them, too.
- 00:06:44,822 --> 00:06:46,782 Wait a minute. C-Candy bars.
- 00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:48,158 Candy bars?
- 00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:49,618 You -- You know, candy bars.
- 00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:50,994 They usually come in a wrapper,
- 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:53,205 just like you wrap a Christmas present.
- 00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:55,124 Christmas happens when it's cold.
- 00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:57,876 Cold, as in Alaska. That's where the polar bears...
- 00:06:58,001 --> 00:07:00,379 Polar bears... Pol -- Polarity!
- 00:07:00,504 --> 00:07:03,173 I can switch the polarity to see what transmissions
- 00:07:03,298 --> 00:07:07,219 are coming from the location this one is being sent to!
- 00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:09,847 [ Electricity crackles, whirring ]
- 00:07:09,972 --> 00:07:11,557 What the heck?
- 00:07:13,892 --> 00:07:16,687 [ Suspenseful music plays ]
- 00:07:16,812 --> 00:07:17,771 They're coming in!
- 00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:19,940 [ Humming ]
- 00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:23,360 [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:25,529 What do we do?
- 00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:26,655 It's that guy you want!
- 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,657 He's trying to reverse your polarities!
- 00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:29,324 What?!
- 00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:32,327 Aah! Run, run, run!
- 00:07:32,453 --> 00:07:34,163 Get in the car, children. Get in the car!
- 00:07:34,288 --> 00:07:37,666 [ Engine starts, tires screech ]
- 00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:39,042 [ Horn honking ]
- 00:07:39,168 --> 00:07:42,045 What is that? - Can you see anything, children?
- 00:07:42,171 --> 00:07:44,131 The aliens are chasing us!
- 00:07:47,718 --> 00:07:49,845 [ Gunshots ]
- 00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:51,889 Goddamn aliens!
- 00:07:52,014 --> 00:07:54,308 [ Gunshots ]
- 00:07:54,433 --> 00:07:55,809 Chef, end of the road!
- 00:07:57,019 --> 00:07:59,021 Hold on, children! We have to ditch them!
- 00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:01,148 [ Tires screech ] - What are you doing, man?
- 00:08:01,273 --> 00:08:03,275 [ Horn plays "Dixie" ]
- 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:07,237 <i>Looks like them boys are getting a little fresh air.</i>
- 00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:11,116 [ Country music plays ]
- 00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:13,535 [ Chickens clucking ]
- 00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:14,745 I think we ditched 'em.
- 00:08:14,870 --> 00:08:16,538 I don't think we're out of the woods yet.
- 00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:20,292 [ Tires screech ]
- 00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:21,460 Goot, goot! [ Siren wailing ]
- 00:08:21,585 --> 00:08:22,878 It's the police!
- 00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,171 That ain't no police!
- 00:08:24,296 --> 00:08:27,633 [ Music continues ]
- 00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:32,346 When do we get to eat? I'm hungry.
- 00:08:32,471 --> 00:08:33,055 Chef!
- 00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:35,057 Ohh!
- 00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:44,775 [ Tires screech ]
- 00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:45,943 [ Insects chirping ]
- 00:08:46,068 --> 00:08:47,903 Ha! Goddamn aliens!
- 00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:49,905 I beat you!
- 00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:53,158 Where'd you learn to drive, aliens -- Chinese auto school?
- 00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:54,826 Chef!
- 00:08:54,952 --> 00:08:56,703 You're lucky I didn't just turn around
- 00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:58,956 and beat your white, skinny alien asses anyway!
- 00:08:59,081 --> 00:09:02,167 Maybe next time you'll remember to -- Huh?
- 00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:05,837 Oh, crap! Children!
- 00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:08,006 Chef!
- 00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:10,259 <i>Well, it looks like the boys are in more trouble</i>
- 00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:11,927 <i>than a June bug in molasses.</i>
- 00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:14,054 <i>And it's pretty thick molasses, too.</i>
- 00:09:15,347 --> 00:09:18,767 [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:20,227 Uh...
- 00:09:20,352 --> 00:09:23,146 Ugh. You guys, wake up!
- 00:09:23,272 --> 00:09:25,440 What the... Where -- Where are we?
- 00:09:25,566 --> 00:09:27,818 We're in the alien ship.
- 00:09:27,943 --> 00:09:29,027 Aah! Aah!
- 00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:30,696 I'm trapped inside Helen Hunt's ass!
- 00:09:30,821 --> 00:09:32,030 Oh, God! Help me, you guys!
- 00:09:32,155 --> 00:09:34,408 It's not Helen Hunt's ass. It's an alien spaceship.
- 00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:37,828 Oh, thank God! Oh, thank -- thank you, Lord.
- 00:09:37,953 --> 00:09:39,997 You guys, look.
- 00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:42,624 Wow. - Wow.
- 00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:46,587 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- 00:09:46,712 --> 00:09:48,380 Oh, my God. Do you guys realize?
- 00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:51,216 This is only the second time we've ever been in outer space.
- 00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:53,343 Yeah. - Rmphm.
- 00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:55,721 This is like my fifth time.
- 00:09:55,846 --> 00:09:58,098 [ Whirring ]
- 00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:02,352 Uh-oh. This must be the head alien guy.
- 00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:04,104 Mrph rmh!
- 00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,065 Hello, boys.
- 00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:08,650 Dad?
- 00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:09,985 No, not really.
- 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,153 I just read your mind
- 00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:13,864 and thought this form might be more pleasing to you.
- 00:10:13,989 --> 00:10:15,866 Oh, dude, don't do that. That's gay.
- 00:10:15,991 --> 00:10:17,576 Yeah, that's like that stupid movie <i>Contact.</i>
- 00:10:17,701 --> 00:10:19,119 Oh, God. That movie pissed me off.
- 00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:21,663 Very well. I shall show my true form.
- 00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:23,749 Blargh, blargh, blargh! Blargh, blargh!
- 00:10:23,874 --> 00:10:25,751 Okay, okay! Take the form of something else!
- 00:10:25,876 --> 00:10:27,377 How's this?
- 00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:29,212 Santa!
- 00:10:29,338 --> 00:10:30,505 No. That's stupid, too.
- 00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:32,758 How about this?
- 00:10:32,883 --> 00:10:33,717 No.
- 00:10:35,093 --> 00:10:36,053 No.
- 00:10:38,013 --> 00:10:40,015 Ooh, very nice. - No.
- 00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:42,976 No.
- 00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:45,145 Dy-no-mite! - [all] No.
- 00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:47,147 [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:10:47,272 --> 00:10:48,607 Jeff!
- 00:10:48,732 --> 00:10:50,692 The aliens took the children up on their ship!
- 00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:51,360 Oh, no!
- 00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:53,111 Did you find out what the aliens are up to?
- 00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:55,155 When I reversed the polarities, I found this.
- 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:56,531 [ Beeping ]
- 00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:58,533 It's a message that the aliens are broadcasting
- 00:10:58,659 --> 00:10:59,868 throughout the entire universe.
- 00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,578 But I have no idea what it says.
- 00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:03,038 They took the children, Jeff!
- 00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:05,082 I have to know what those aliens are up to!
- 00:11:05,207 --> 00:11:06,458 Wait a minute.
- 00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:07,709 Butt sex.
- 00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:09,002 Butt sex?
- 00:11:09,127 --> 00:11:11,505 Butt sex requires a lot of lubrication, right?
- 00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:12,964 Lubrication...
- 00:11:13,090 --> 00:11:14,716 Lubra, chupa...
- 00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:17,594 Chupacabras, the -- the goat-killer of Mexican folklore.
- 00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:19,304 Folklore is stories from the past
- 00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:22,557 that are often fictionalized -- fictionalized to heighten drama.
- 00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:23,642 Drama student!
- 00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:25,686 Students at colleges usually have bicycles.
- 00:11:25,811 --> 00:11:26,978 Bi-- Bi-- Binary!
- 00:11:27,104 --> 00:11:28,939 It's binary code!
- 00:11:29,064 --> 00:11:31,149 Who's having butt sex?
- 00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:33,402 ♪ Hello, my honey, hello, my baby ♪
- 00:11:33,527 --> 00:11:35,987 ♪ Hello, my ragtime gal ♪
- 00:11:36,113 --> 00:11:37,239 [all] No.
- 00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:39,825 ♪ Let me search it, gonna work it ♪
- 00:11:39,950 --> 00:11:41,326 [ Mumbling ]
- 00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:42,202 [all] No.
- 00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:44,663 ♪ Don't piss on the moon, babe ♪
- 00:11:44,788 --> 00:11:45,414 [all] No.
- 00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:47,833 All right, Earthlings. What form do you want me to take?
- 00:11:49,668 --> 00:11:53,213 How about a taco that craps ice cream?
- 00:11:57,259 --> 00:11:58,468 Guys?
- 00:11:58,593 --> 00:12:00,137 I like it. - Mrph rmh.
- 00:12:01,430 --> 00:12:03,306 All right. Then we can get back to business.
- 00:12:03,432 --> 00:12:05,934 Follow me this way, Earthlings.
- 00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:11,565 I want to apologize to you boys for all the spooky, scary stuff.
- 00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:14,234 We just needed to get to the malfunctioning uplink relay.
- 00:12:14,359 --> 00:12:16,319 You mean the thing in Cartman's ass? - That's right.
- 00:12:16,445 --> 00:12:19,197 See, there are dishes in over 50,000 Earthlings' rectums.
- 00:12:19,322 --> 00:12:21,116 Your friend's has been malfunctioning.
- 00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:22,534 Why do you put them into people's asses?
- 00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:24,161 Are you planning some kind of alien takeover?
- 00:12:24,286 --> 00:12:26,913 Oh, heavens, no! We're a production company.
- 00:12:27,038 --> 00:12:28,957 We make intergalactic television programs
- 00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:31,293 that the whole universe watches.
- 00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:32,502 Television?
- 00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:35,589 We at Nerzod Productions started 20 billion years ago
- 00:12:35,714 --> 00:12:36,965 with one philosophy --
- 00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:40,135 The best universal television isn't scripted, it's real.
- 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:43,054 We started with great shows like "Who Wants to Marry a Gelgamek?"
- 00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:44,931 and "Antares 6 Millionaire".
- 00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:46,183 And then we had a big hit
- 00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:48,185 with "Get Me Outta Here, I'm a Klingnanian!"
- 00:12:48,310 --> 00:12:50,562 But then, of course, there's our signature show --
- 00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:54,024 the greatest universal reality show of all time.
- 00:12:54,149 --> 00:12:57,444 [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:12:58,570 --> 00:12:59,738 Earth?
- 00:12:59,863 --> 00:13:01,698 A few billion years ago, we realized --
- 00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:02,866 What if we took species
- 00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:04,826 from all different planets in the universe
- 00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:07,120 and put them together on the same planet?
- 00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:08,371 Great TV, right?
- 00:13:08,497 --> 00:13:11,208 Asians, bears, ducks, Jews, deer, and Hispanics
- 00:13:11,333 --> 00:13:13,627 all trying to live side by side on one planet!
- 00:13:13,752 --> 00:13:14,753 It's great!
- 00:13:15,337 --> 00:13:17,547 Our planet is just a reality-TV show?
- 00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:18,882 You don't think the whole universe
- 00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:20,467 works the way Earth does, do you?
- 00:13:20,592 --> 00:13:22,427 No! One species, one planet.
- 00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:25,138 There's a planet of deer, a planet of Asians, and so on.
- 00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:26,723 We put them all together on Earth,
- 00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:29,434 and the whole universe tunes in to watch the fun!
- 00:13:30,352 --> 00:13:32,062 You mean you aliens actually enjoy sitting around
- 00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:33,647 and watching us fight and kill each other?
- 00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:35,065 Dude, that's messed up.
- 00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:36,066 Why? - Why?
- 00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:37,526 You're playing with people's lives!
- 00:13:37,651 --> 00:13:39,653 You're turning people's problems into entertainment!
- 00:13:39,778 --> 00:13:42,197 Yeah! We'd never do that on Earth!
- 00:13:43,281 --> 00:13:44,950 [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:13:45,075 --> 00:13:46,284 Ladies and gentlemen,
- 00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:48,620 we have recently come across an alien transmission
- 00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:51,081 that is being beamed throughout the entire universe.
- 00:13:51,206 --> 00:13:53,416 [ Murmuring ]
- 00:13:53,542 --> 00:13:55,752 When decoded, it looks like this.
- 00:13:55,877 --> 00:13:57,712 [ Static, beeping ]
- 00:13:57,838 --> 00:14:00,632 [ Distorted voices ]
- 00:14:05,887 --> 00:14:07,472 [ Click ]
- 00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:09,516 What does it mean?
- 00:14:09,641 --> 00:14:11,101 I-It's simple mathematical language
- 00:14:11,226 --> 00:14:13,186 that can be understood throughout the solar system.
- 00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:16,356 Translated into our language, it looks like this.
- 00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:19,025 This Jannemon at 8:00,
- 00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:21,695 it's everyone's favorite show -- "Earth!"
- 00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:24,614 It's been 100 galgamars since we first took species
- 00:14:24,739 --> 00:14:26,116 from 17 different planets
- 00:14:26,241 --> 00:14:28,451 and put them all together on the same planet!
- 00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:30,120 Ur derp!
- 00:14:30,245 --> 00:14:32,205 They've fought and fallen in love.
- 00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:34,082 What will happen this galgamar?
- 00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:36,042 Tune in Jannemon at 8:00 to find out!
- 00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:39,004 It's "Earth!" on FOGNL!
- 00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:45,760 I'm afraid that Earth -- a-all of Earth --
- 00:14:45,886 --> 00:14:49,431 is nothing but an intergalactic reality-TV show.
- 00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:52,601 My God.
- 00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:53,602 We're famous!
- 00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:57,230 [ Cheering ]
- 00:14:57,355 --> 00:14:58,440 Wait. Y-You don't understand.
- 00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:00,025 I'm on TV!
- 00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:01,234 I'm on TV!
- 00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:03,320 Oh, this is so awesome!
- 00:15:03,445 --> 00:15:04,696 Whoo-hoo-hoo!
- 00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:05,780 Whoo-hoo!
- 00:15:05,906 --> 00:15:07,908 [ Door closes ]
- 00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:11,745 That should get the relay working again.
- 00:15:11,870 --> 00:15:13,705 All right, Earthlings. If you'll step over this way,
- 00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:15,874 we'll erase your memories and get you back to Earth.
- 00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:17,459 [ Telephone rings ] Oh, excuse me.
- 00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,002 This is Nagix.
- 00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:20,462 Uh-huh.
- 00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,255 Oh, no.
- 00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:23,757 Oh, no. Really?
- 00:15:23,882 --> 00:15:25,175 And it's -- it's for sure?
- 00:15:26,343 --> 00:15:28,428 All right. I'll break the news to everyone.
- 00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:31,056 No, no. I-I understand. Thanks.
- 00:15:31,181 --> 00:15:33,558 Well, you kids can go back to Earth if you want,
- 00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:35,185 but I'm afraid it won't be there for long.
- 00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:36,436 The show's been canceled.
- 00:15:36,561 --> 00:15:37,938 What? Who canceled us?
- 00:15:38,063 --> 00:15:39,272 The universal network heads.
- 00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:41,107 They say the Earthlings have become aware of the show,
- 00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:42,275 so it won't be funny anymore.
- 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:43,944 Oh, shit. Did we do that?
- 00:15:44,069 --> 00:15:45,779 Everyone, can I have your attention real quick?
- 00:15:45,904 --> 00:15:47,948 Uh, look, I just got a call from the network,
- 00:15:48,073 --> 00:15:50,200 and I'm afraid "Earth!" has been canceled.
- 00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:51,242 [all] Aww!
- 00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:52,911 Now -- Now, it was a great run,
- 00:15:53,036 --> 00:15:55,288 and I think we should all be really proud.
- 00:15:55,413 --> 00:15:57,540 [ Light applause ]
- 00:15:57,666 --> 00:15:58,792 Let's call in the demolition crew
- 00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:00,251 to strike the Earth for resources.
- 00:16:00,377 --> 00:16:02,003 Wait! Wait! They -- They can't do this!
- 00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:03,421 Let us talk to the network heads!
- 00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:05,590 Wouldn't do any good. - Dude, we have to try!
- 00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:07,175 Please, take us to them. Please!
- 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:09,678 All right, kids. We'll take you to the network heads.
- 00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:12,639 But I warn you -- Nobody has ever gotten the executives
- 00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:15,308 to uncancel a show once the call has been made.
- 00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:16,434 Nobody.
- 00:16:22,691 --> 00:16:25,360 [ Engine humming ]
- 00:16:35,078 --> 00:16:36,204 [ Rumbling ]
- 00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:38,999 [ Crowd shouting ]
- 00:16:39,124 --> 00:16:40,166 [ Rumbling ]
- 00:16:40,291 --> 00:16:42,252 What the hell is that?
- 00:16:42,377 --> 00:16:45,380 There's a huge ship of some kind in Earth's orbit.
- 00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,298 But why? Wait a minute.
- 00:16:47,424 --> 00:16:48,299 Chaos theory!
- 00:16:48,425 --> 00:16:49,300 Chaos theory?
- 00:16:49,426 --> 00:16:50,301 Chaos theory.
- 00:16:50,427 --> 00:16:52,303 It was first thought of in the '60s.
- 00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:54,264 60 -- That's the number of episodes
- 00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:56,641 they made of "Punky Brewster" before it was canceled.
- 00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:58,309 Canceled? - Huh?
- 00:16:58,435 --> 00:17:00,770 Don't you see? The show is over.
- 00:17:00,895 --> 00:17:02,480 The aliens are canceling Earth!
- 00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:05,025 Oh, my God. We have to stop them!
- 00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:09,946 <i>Welcome to planet FOGNL, home of the Joozians,</i>
- 00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:13,658 <i>who control all media in the universe!</i>
- 00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:15,660 [ Indistinct conversations ]
- 00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:17,287 Can I help you?
- 00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:20,707 Oh, uh, we have a 3:00 meeting with the network heads.
- 00:17:20,832 --> 00:17:23,126 Where are you visiting from? - Uh, Earth.
- 00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:25,462 Ooh! I watch that show all the time!
- 00:17:25,587 --> 00:17:26,963 [ Laughing ]
- 00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:28,798 Oh, sure! Come on in, Earthlings!
- 00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:30,633 We're just checking out our new show.
- 00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:33,178 We took 100 beings from the planet Marklar
- 00:17:33,303 --> 00:17:34,471 and put them on an asteroid
- 00:17:34,596 --> 00:17:36,473 with sentient beings from the Horsehead Nebula.
- 00:17:36,598 --> 00:17:37,807 It's a riot!
- 00:17:37,932 --> 00:17:39,184 They hate each other!
- 00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:40,477 [ Both laughing ]
- 00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:44,355 "Mighty, powerful network executives,
- 00:17:44,481 --> 00:17:46,483 we have come a great distance in order to --"
- 00:17:46,608 --> 00:17:48,860 Ooh, I'm starving. You Earthlings have haglar yet?
- 00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:50,195 Oh, yeah. Let's do haglar.
- 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:51,571 Where do you want to go, Meroni's?
- 00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:53,156 Not on a Flakmar. Too crowded.
- 00:17:53,281 --> 00:17:54,991 Ooh! Blackafelch!
- 00:17:55,116 --> 00:17:56,701 Oh, Blackafelch! Perfect!
- 00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:58,369 [ Down-tempo music playing ]
- 00:17:58,495 --> 00:18:00,205 This place is fantastic.
- 00:18:00,330 --> 00:18:02,123 Look, we just want to talk to you about the show.
- 00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:04,125 Please don't cancel us. Please.
- 00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:05,460 Oh, I'm sorry, Earthlings.
- 00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:08,046 But you have to realize, the universe is a business.
- 00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:10,757 You made it to 100 episodes. You should be proud.
- 00:18:10,882 --> 00:18:13,051 Yeah, a show should never go past 100 episodes
- 00:18:13,176 --> 00:18:14,636 or else it starts to get stale
- 00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:17,806 with ridiculously stupid plotlines and settings.
- 00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:21,184 Here's your order of gespahtgaplachfenachenblah!
- 00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:25,396 But, sirs, we -- we think our show is just getting good.
- 00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:27,398 I mean, we're just now starting to see people
- 00:18:27,524 --> 00:18:29,109 get really pissed off at each other.
- 00:18:29,234 --> 00:18:30,693 Oh, my God. This is great!
- 00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:32,862 You must have some Joozian ancestry.
- 00:18:32,987 --> 00:18:33,863 Tell us about it.
- 00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:35,490 There's five billion people on our show.
- 00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,075 You can't just up and cancel on us.
- 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:40,161 Oh, my God. Will you look at the hekmas on that joozinek?
- 00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:41,830 Dude, we're trying to save our planet here!
- 00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:43,748 Let's take the Earthlings to a hekma bar!
- 00:18:43,873 --> 00:18:44,916 Oh, yeah!
- 00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:48,419 [ Up-tempo music playing ]
- 00:18:48,545 --> 00:18:50,630 Oh, yeah. Let's see those hekmas!
- 00:18:50,755 --> 00:18:52,090 Sirs, uh, if you'll --
- 00:18:52,215 --> 00:18:54,592 Oh, man, I am so wasted.
- 00:18:54,717 --> 00:18:56,803 Hey, you Earthlings want to try a little glach?
- 00:18:58,596 --> 00:18:59,597 [ Snorting ]
- 00:19:01,015 --> 00:19:03,059 [ Snorts ] Oh, yeah!
- 00:19:03,184 --> 00:19:04,477 Oh, gluck, yeah!
- 00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:06,312 [ Snorting ]
- 00:19:06,437 --> 00:19:07,188 Kenny!
- 00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:08,273 Man, screw this place!
- 00:19:08,398 --> 00:19:10,275 Let's go get a hotel room and a hooker!
- 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:11,276 Oh, yeah!
- 00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:12,277 Yeah!
- 00:19:12,402 --> 00:19:13,820 [ Thudding ]
- 00:19:13,945 --> 00:19:15,780 We have to find a way to stop those aliens!
- 00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:18,158 Oh, their ship is massive! There's no way to stop it!
- 00:19:18,283 --> 00:19:19,784 Wait a minute. Jackets!
- 00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:20,535 Oh, no.
- 00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,579 If people don't wear jackets, they could get cold.
- 00:19:22,704 --> 00:19:24,330 A cold is caused by a virus.
- 00:19:24,455 --> 00:19:25,331 A virus...
- 00:19:25,456 --> 00:19:26,791 Computer virus!
- 00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:28,084 We could make a computer virus
- 00:19:28,209 --> 00:19:30,837 and send it to their ship to disable their computers!
- 00:19:31,713 --> 00:19:34,757 That doesn't make any goddamn sense!
- 00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:38,094 Oh, yeah, hooker! Oh, yeah! Yeah!
- 00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:40,013 Whoo-hoo-hoo! Yeah!
- 00:19:40,138 --> 00:19:41,306 [ Snorts ]
- 00:19:41,431 --> 00:19:43,183 Boy, Earthlings, is this a party or what?
- 00:19:43,308 --> 00:19:44,934 [ Up-tempo music playing ]
- 00:19:45,059 --> 00:19:47,645 Oh, that's it, baby. You're getting my jagon hard.
- 00:19:47,770 --> 00:19:49,981 Yeah. Let's party.
- 00:19:50,106 --> 00:19:51,941 Yes, suck my jagon.
- 00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:54,319 Yeah. Now you suck on <i>my</i> jagon.
- 00:19:54,444 --> 00:19:57,113 Oh, yeah! Stick your finger in my thrusher.
- 00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:59,032 Oh, yeah, suck it! Suck that jagon.
- 00:20:00,283 --> 00:20:02,368 Dude, I have no idea what we're seeing right now,
- 00:20:02,493 --> 00:20:05,330 but I have a feeling it's really, really wrong.
- 00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:08,833 Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!
- 00:20:10,293 --> 00:20:12,921 Oh, God. My head.
- 00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:14,756 What did we do?
- 00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:17,926 Oh, man, I can't believe I sucked your jagon.
- 00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:20,553 Oh, God! We did suck each other's jagons.
- 00:20:20,678 --> 00:20:22,597 You kids won't tell anybody about this, right?
- 00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:23,598 No.
- 00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:24,682 No. Wait.
- 00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:27,268 We won't tell anybody if you don't cancel our show.
- 00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:29,103 Ooh. I knew that was coming.
- 00:20:29,229 --> 00:20:30,772 They've really got us by the nezmins.
- 00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:32,315 The Earth show can still be good.
- 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:34,984 Just erase everyone's memory so we don't know we're a show!
- 00:20:35,109 --> 00:20:37,070 I'm sure you'll see that if you give our world time,
- 00:20:37,195 --> 00:20:39,280 it will become even more outrageous and violent.
- 00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:41,199 There's even World War III to look forward to.
- 00:20:41,324 --> 00:20:42,951 Then we won't have to show anybody the picture
- 00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:44,452 of you guys sucking each other's jagons.
- 00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,162 All right! All right, Earthlings!
- 00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:47,413 You win.
- 00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:48,957 The show can stay on.
- 00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:50,041 [all] All right!
- 00:20:50,166 --> 00:20:52,460 Just be sure to keep up the wars and violence.
- 00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:54,963 Well, we've got a 5:00 with the Yurka producers.
- 00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:57,507 Nice meeting you, Earthlings. Bye!
- 00:20:58,841 --> 00:21:00,551 [ Yawns ] - Whoa, Cartman.
- 00:21:00,677 --> 00:21:02,178 Looks like you didn't get much sleep last night.
- 00:21:02,303 --> 00:21:03,972 That's 'cause I was having these bogus nightmares
- 00:21:04,097 --> 00:21:04,973 all night long.
- 00:21:05,098 --> 00:21:06,057 Mrph rmhmhm rm!
- 00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:07,600 - What the hell is that? - Mrph rmh.
- 00:21:07,725 --> 00:21:08,601 [ Funk music playing ]
- 00:21:08,726 --> 00:21:10,645 Hello there, children! - [all] Hey, Chef.
- 00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:11,604 Chef, Kenny has a picture
- 00:21:11,729 --> 00:21:14,816 of two green things sucking each other's shoulders.
- 00:21:15,650 --> 00:21:16,818 What is it, Chef?
- 00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:18,820 I don't know, but something tells me
- 00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:20,863 this picture might be very important, children.
- 00:21:20,989 --> 00:21:22,657 You should hang on to it.
- 00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:24,701 <i>Attention, universe!</i>
- 00:21:24,826 --> 00:21:25,952 <i>Be sure to tune in next week</i>
- 00:21:26,077 --> 00:21:28,079 <i>for another exciting episode of "Earth!"</i>
- 00:21:28,204 --> 00:21:30,873 <i>The Asians are really stewed at the Russians.</i>
- 00:21:30,999 --> 00:21:33,042 <i>The zebras try to get along with the buffalo.</i>
- 00:21:33,167 --> 00:21:36,087 <i>And Americans and Iraqis have an all-out brawl!</i>
- 00:21:36,212 --> 00:21:38,339 <i>It's outrageous fun, and it's all new!</i>
- 00:21:38,464 --> 00:21:40,133 <i>"Earth!" on FOGNL.</i>
- 00:21:56,607 --> 00:21:58,693 ♪ Let me search it, gonna work it ♪
- 00:21:58,818 --> 00:22:00,486 [ Mumbling ]
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