Шоу закрыто

00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:13,806

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:15,599

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:18,602

♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,604

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:20,730 --> 00:00:22,023

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

00:00:22,148 --> 00:00:25,401

♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:28,529

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

00:00:28,654 --> 00:00:33,200

♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:37,038

♪ School days, school days,

teacher's Golden Rule -- ♪

00:00:37,163 --> 00:00:38,372

Aw, damn it!

- What?

00:00:38,497 --> 00:00:40,708

My Goddamn brother is trying to

follow me to school again!

00:00:40,833 --> 00:00:42,084

Suck my balls.

00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:44,086

No, Ike, you can't come

to school with me.

00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:45,504

Yeah!

Go home, you little dildo!

00:00:45,629 --> 00:00:47,923

Dude, for the last time,

don't call my brother a dildo!

00:00:48,049 --> 00:00:50,468

All right, go home, you little

semen-puking, asshole dickhead.

00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:53,179

Ow!

- Dude, sweet.

00:00:53,304 --> 00:00:55,139

Yeah. Check it out.

Ready, Ike?

00:00:55,264 --> 00:00:56,390

Kick the baby!

00:00:56,515 --> 00:00:58,350

Don't kick the Goddamn baby.

00:00:58,476 --> 00:00:59,393

Kick the baby.

- Waah.

00:00:59,518 --> 00:01:00,728

Ow.

00:01:00,853 --> 00:01:02,229

Whoa, Cartman.

00:01:02,354 --> 00:01:03,939

Looks like you didn't get

much sleep last night.

00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:05,775

That's because I was having

these bogus nightmares

00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:06,776

all night long.

00:01:06,901 --> 00:01:07,860

Really?

What about?

00:01:07,985 --> 00:01:10,821

Well, I dreamt that I was

lying in my bed, in the dark,

00:01:10,946 --> 00:01:11,989

when all of a sudden,

00:01:12,114 --> 00:01:14,033

this bright blue light

filled the room.

00:01:14,158 --> 00:01:16,660

And slowly my bedroom door

began to open.

00:01:16,786 --> 00:01:17,870

And the next thing I remember,

00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:19,872

I was being drug

through a hallway.

00:01:19,997 --> 00:01:21,040

Weak!

00:01:21,165 --> 00:01:23,584

Then these scary aliens

wanted to operate on me.

00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:25,878

They had big heads

and big, black eyes.

00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:27,546

Dude, visitors!

- Totally!

00:01:27,671 --> 00:01:28,297

What?

00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:29,965

That wasn't a dream, Cartman!

Those were visitors!

00:01:30,091 --> 00:01:31,675

No, it was just a dream.

My mom said so.

00:01:31,801 --> 00:01:34,136

Visitors are real.

They --

00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:35,971

Wait a minute.

This has all happened before.

00:01:36,097 --> 00:01:38,265

Yeah.

This does seem really familiar.

00:01:38,390 --> 00:01:40,309

What the Funk & Wagnalls

are you talking about?

00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:42,686

Cartman, don't you remember the

last time you had this dream?

00:01:42,812 --> 00:01:45,106

Shut up, you guys.

You're just trying to scare me.

00:01:45,231 --> 00:01:46,440

No, dude, this happened before!

00:01:46,565 --> 00:01:47,650

Aliens put some device in you,

00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:49,527

and we tied you up to a tree,

and you went up on their ship.

00:01:49,652 --> 00:01:51,612

You don't remember that?

- No, I don't remember that!

00:01:51,737 --> 00:01:52,446

You don't?

00:01:52,571 --> 00:01:55,324

No, because the aliens erased

my memory!

00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:56,575

I remember this whole thing.

00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,285

Ike tried to follow you

to school, you kicked him,

00:01:58,410 --> 00:02:00,121

then Cartman told us

about his alien dream.

00:02:00,246 --> 00:02:01,997

Yeah, and then Chef pulled up

in his car.

00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:05,960

Hello there, children!

00:02:07,378 --> 00:02:08,629

And then you said...

00:02:08,754 --> 00:02:10,339

What's gonna be

for lunch today, Chef?

00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:13,050

Well, today it's Salisbury steak

with hot buttered noodles...

00:02:13,175 --> 00:02:15,469

...and a choice of green-

bean salad or vegetable medley.

00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:16,428

Weird.

00:02:16,554 --> 00:02:18,472

Say, did any of you children...

00:02:18,597 --> 00:02:20,641

...see the alien spaceship

last night?

00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:21,684

What the...

00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:23,310

Chef, we're in a repeat!

00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:24,270

A repeat?

00:02:24,395 --> 00:02:26,397

Cartman was visited

by aliens again last night,

00:02:26,522 --> 00:02:28,524

and now it's like we're living

a repeat of a previous day!

00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,067

Oh, dude, I hate repeats.

00:02:30,192 --> 00:02:32,528

I've been feeling déjà vu

all morning, children.

00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,697

I knew something strange

was going on.

00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:36,699

It all started when Cartman got

an anal probe.

00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:39,660

We have to get Eric

to a proctologist right away.

00:02:41,787 --> 00:02:44,165

What is a proc-tologist, Chef?

00:02:44,290 --> 00:02:47,084

He's a doctor that specializes

in your asshole, children.

00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:48,544

You mean at some point

in this doctor's life,

00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,546

he decided he wanted to work

on people's buttholes?

00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,298

That's right.

- What a dick.

00:02:52,965 --> 00:02:54,884

Hello, everyone.

- Hello, Doctor.

00:02:55,009 --> 00:02:56,760

Thanks for seeing Eric

on such short notice.

00:02:56,886 --> 00:02:58,345

What seems to be the problem?

00:02:58,470 --> 00:02:59,430

We just want you to take a look

00:02:59,555 --> 00:03:01,307

and tell us

if you see anything abnormal.

00:03:01,432 --> 00:03:02,892

Other than its monstrous size.

00:03:03,017 --> 00:03:06,145

Shut up, Kyle!

Shut your goddamn mouth!

00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:08,397

All right.

Let's see here.

00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,024

Oh my God!

- What?

00:03:10,149 --> 00:03:13,527

Why, there's a huge crack

going right down the middle!

00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:15,905

Ha ha.

Very funny.

00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:17,573

Like we haven't heard that one

a zillion times.

00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:19,617

All right.

Let's take a look.

00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:23,037

Hey! Just what the hell

do you think you're doing?

00:03:23,162 --> 00:03:25,539

Eric, the doctor has to feel

inside your rectum.

00:03:25,664 --> 00:03:28,083

Afterwards, he'll probably have

to burn his hand and bury it.

00:03:28,209 --> 00:03:30,711

Kyle, I swear, if I didn't have

a guy's hand up my ass right now,

00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:32,796

I'd leap across the room

and kick you in the nuts.

00:03:32,922 --> 00:03:35,299

Uh -- Ooh. Ehh.

00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:36,967

The prostate seems to be normal.

00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:39,303

No swelling

of the hormonal gland.

00:03:39,428 --> 00:03:41,013

Ooh.

- Oh, wait. What's this?

00:03:41,138 --> 00:03:42,431

Aah!

00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:48,020

Are you okay?

- Dude.

00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:50,814

You know that feeling

when you take a huge dump?

00:03:50,940 --> 00:03:51,857

Awesome.

00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:52,900

Well, Doctor?

00:03:53,025 --> 00:03:55,736

I've never quite seen this

before.

00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:58,155

Perhaps he just needs

some hemorrhoid cream.

00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,241

Aah! Aah!

00:04:00,366 --> 00:04:02,034

You all right?

00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:03,911

You know that feeling

when the huge dump you just took

00:04:04,036 --> 00:04:05,162

shoots back up inside your ass?

00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:06,163

No, I'm not all right!

00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:08,624

I've never seen a hemorrhoid

react this way.

00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:11,502

That wasn't no hemorrhoid.

It was an alien hoop-a-joop!

00:04:11,627 --> 00:04:12,586

Come on, children!

00:04:12,711 --> 00:04:14,630

We've got to get Eric

to some real help!

00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:15,714

Where to now, Chef?

00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:17,299

That thing inside Eric's asshole

00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:19,176

looked like some kind

of alien satellite dish.

00:04:19,301 --> 00:04:22,263

We need to see my friend

down at the space center now!

00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:33,190

You're the only person

I could think of

00:04:33,315 --> 00:04:34,525

who might be able

to help us, Jeff.

00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:36,735

How do we, uh, make it come out?

00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:39,321

Someone just has to activate it

like the proctologist did.

00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:40,489

Oh, no, no, no, no!

00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:43,242

Nobody is putting their finger

in my ass again.

00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:45,035

Unless it's Kyle.

00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,121

What? No way!

You do it, Kenny.

00:04:47,246 --> 00:04:49,248

Nope. It has to be Kyle.

- Go on.

00:04:49,373 --> 00:04:51,000

I'm not putting my finger

up Cartman's butt!

00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:53,210

Kyle, the fate of the world

may be at stake.

00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,838

Come, Kyle.

Do hurry.

00:04:59,925 --> 00:05:01,969

Go ahead.

It won't bite.

00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:06,265

God damn it, Cartman!

00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:09,059

I couldn't resist.

I'm sorry.

00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:12,479

Stop it, Cartman!

00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:14,356

Okay.

Okay, okay.

00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:17,943

God damn it!

00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:19,737

Oh, man, that was great.

00:05:19,862 --> 00:05:23,032

Okay, go ahead.

I'm all out of farts now.

00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:25,326

Durr!

00:05:25,451 --> 00:05:26,368

Mm!

00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:29,330

Okay, okay.

It's not funny anymore.

00:05:30,414 --> 00:05:31,582

Oh, yes, it is!

00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:34,626

Eric, that's enough!

00:05:34,752 --> 00:05:36,295

Okay, okay.

00:05:37,588 --> 00:05:40,049

Oh! Double psyche!

00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:41,633

That's it!

00:05:41,759 --> 00:05:43,802

I don't care about

the fate of the world! Screw it!

00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:44,928

Oh, nice going, Cartman!

00:05:45,054 --> 00:05:46,430

All right. All right.

I'm sorry.

00:05:46,555 --> 00:05:48,057

Go ahead, Kyle.

- No!

00:05:48,182 --> 00:05:50,059

No. Go ahead. I'm dry.

- You're lying!

00:05:50,184 --> 00:05:52,144

It stopped being funny

40 seconds ago, boys.

00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:53,645

Let's just get this over with.

00:05:53,771 --> 00:05:55,481

But it was one of the best times

I've ever had.

00:05:55,606 --> 00:05:57,274

Can I see this thing, please?

00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:58,567

Okay.

00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,861

Oh! God damn it!

00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:03,197

Okay. Now it's funny again.

00:06:03,322 --> 00:06:04,531

This is so awesome!

00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:07,034

I don't think I made it out

of that proctologist's office.

00:06:07,159 --> 00:06:08,535

I think I died

and went to heaven.

00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:10,329

That does it!

Charge!

00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:11,705

Aah!

00:06:16,168 --> 00:06:17,586

What's it doing?

00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:20,798

It -- It's sending

a transmission of some kind.

00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:22,674

Got it.

00:06:25,094 --> 00:06:27,679

It's just sending images

of cities and people and stuff.

00:06:27,805 --> 00:06:29,640

Where is the signal

being sent to?

00:06:31,183 --> 00:06:32,226

Aah!

00:06:33,852 --> 00:06:35,938

I don't want to play anymore,

you guys.

00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:38,399

We went through all that just

for some gay video of Earth?

00:06:38,524 --> 00:06:40,401

We wanted to see an alien planet

or something.

00:06:40,526 --> 00:06:42,736

Whoever they are,

if they're receiving messages,

00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:44,696

they might be sending them, too.

00:06:44,822 --> 00:06:46,782

Wait a minute.

C-Candy bars.

00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:48,158

Candy bars?

00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:49,618

You -- You know, candy bars.

00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:50,994

They usually come in a wrapper,

00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:53,205

just like you wrap

a Christmas present.

00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:55,124

Christmas happens

when it's cold.

00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:57,876

Cold, as in Alaska.

That's where the polar bears...

00:06:58,001 --> 00:07:00,379

Polar bears...

Pol -- Polarity!

00:07:00,504 --> 00:07:03,173

I can switch the polarity

to see what transmissions

00:07:03,298 --> 00:07:07,219

are coming from the location

this one is being sent to!

00:07:09,972 --> 00:07:11,557

What the heck?

00:07:16,812 --> 00:07:17,771

They're coming in!

00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:25,529

What do we do?

00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:26,655

It's that guy you want!

00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,657

He's trying to reverse

your polarities!

00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:29,324

What?!

00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:32,327

Aah!

Run, run, run!

00:07:32,453 --> 00:07:34,163

Get in the car, children.

Get in the car!

00:07:39,168 --> 00:07:42,045

What is that?

- Can you see anything, children?

00:07:42,171 --> 00:07:44,131

The aliens are chasing us!

00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:51,889

Goddamn aliens!

00:07:54,433 --> 00:07:55,809

Chef, end of the road!

00:07:57,019 --> 00:07:59,021

Hold on, children!

We have to ditch them!

00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:01,148

What are you doing, man?

00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:07,237

Looks like them boys

are getting a little fresh air.

00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:14,745

I think we ditched 'em.

00:08:14,870 --> 00:08:16,538

I don't think we're

out of the woods yet.

00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:21,460

Goot, goot!

00:08:21,585 --> 00:08:22,878

It's the police!

00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,171

That ain't no police!

00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:32,346

When do we get to eat?

I'm hungry.

00:08:32,471 --> 00:08:33,055

Chef!

00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:35,057

Ohh!

00:08:46,068 --> 00:08:47,903

Ha! Goddamn aliens!

00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:49,905

I beat you!

00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:53,158

Where'd you learn to drive,

aliens -- Chinese auto school?

00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:54,826

Chef!

00:08:54,952 --> 00:08:56,703

You're lucky I didn't

just turn around

00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:58,956

and beat your white, skinny

alien asses anyway!

00:08:59,081 --> 00:09:02,167

Maybe next time

you'll remember to -- Huh?

00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:05,837

Oh, crap!

Children!

00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:08,006

Chef!

00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:10,259

Well, it looks like

the boys are in more trouble

00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:11,927

than a June bug in molasses.

00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:14,054

And it's pretty thick molasses,

too.

00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:20,227

Uh...

00:09:20,352 --> 00:09:23,146

Ugh.

You guys, wake up!

00:09:23,272 --> 00:09:25,440

What the...

Where -- Where are we?

00:09:25,566 --> 00:09:27,818

We're in the alien ship.

00:09:27,943 --> 00:09:29,027

Aah! Aah!

00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:30,696

I'm trapped inside

Helen Hunt's ass!

00:09:30,821 --> 00:09:32,030

Oh, God!

Help me, you guys!

00:09:32,155 --> 00:09:34,408

It's not Helen Hunt's ass.

It's an alien spaceship.

00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:37,828

Oh, thank God!

Oh, thank -- thank you, Lord.

00:09:37,953 --> 00:09:39,997

You guys, look.

00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:42,624

Wow.

- Wow.

00:09:46,712 --> 00:09:48,380

Oh, my God.

Do you guys realize?

00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:51,216

This is only the second time

we've ever been in outer space.

00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:53,343

Yeah.

- Rmphm.

00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:55,721

This is like my fifth time.

00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:02,352

Uh-oh.

This must be the head alien guy.

00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:04,104

Mrph rmh!

00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,065

Hello, boys.

00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:08,650

Dad?

00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:09,985

No, not really.

00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,153

I just read your mind

00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:13,864

and thought this form might be

more pleasing to you.

00:10:13,989 --> 00:10:15,866

Oh, dude, don't do that.

That's gay.

00:10:15,991 --> 00:10:17,576

Yeah, that's like that

stupid movie Contact.

00:10:17,701 --> 00:10:19,119

Oh, God.

That movie pissed me off.

00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:21,663

Very well.

I shall show my true form.

00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:23,749

Blargh, blargh, blargh!

Blargh, blargh!

00:10:23,874 --> 00:10:25,751

Okay, okay! Take the form

of something else!

00:10:25,876 --> 00:10:27,377

How's this?

00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:29,212

Santa!

00:10:29,338 --> 00:10:30,505

No.

That's stupid, too.

00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:32,758

How about this?

00:10:32,883 --> 00:10:33,717

No.

00:10:35,093 --> 00:10:36,053

No.

00:10:38,013 --> 00:10:40,015

Ooh, very nice.

- No.

00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:42,976

No.

00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:45,145

Dy-no-mite!

- No.

00:10:47,272 --> 00:10:48,607

Jeff!

00:10:48,732 --> 00:10:50,692

The aliens took the children

up on their ship!

00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:51,360

Oh, no!

00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:53,111

Did you find out what

the aliens are up to?

00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:55,155

When I reversed the polarities,

I found this.

00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:58,533

It's a message that the aliens

are broadcasting

00:10:58,659 --> 00:10:59,868

throughout the entire universe.

00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,578

But I have no idea what it says.

00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:03,038

They took the children, Jeff!

00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:05,082

I have to know

what those aliens are up to!

00:11:05,207 --> 00:11:06,458

Wait a minute.

00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:07,709

Butt sex.

00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:09,002

Butt sex?

00:11:09,127 --> 00:11:11,505

Butt sex requires a lot

of lubrication, right?

00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:12,964

Lubrication...

00:11:13,090 --> 00:11:14,716

Lubra, chupa...

00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:17,594

Chupacabras, the -- the

goat-killer of Mexican folklore.

00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:19,304

Folklore is stories

from the past

00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:22,557

that are often fictionalized --

fictionalized to heighten drama.

00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:23,642

Drama student!

00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:25,686

Students at colleges

usually have bicycles.

00:11:25,811 --> 00:11:26,978

Bi-- Bi-- Binary!

00:11:27,104 --> 00:11:28,939

It's binary code!

00:11:29,064 --> 00:11:31,149

Who's having butt sex?

00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:33,402

♪ Hello, my honey,

hello, my baby ♪

00:11:33,527 --> 00:11:35,987

♪ Hello, my ragtime gal ♪

00:11:36,113 --> 00:11:37,239

No.

00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:39,825

♪ Let me search it,

gonna work it ♪

00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:42,202

No.

00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:44,663

♪ Don't piss on the moon, babe ♪

00:11:44,788 --> 00:11:45,414

No.

00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:47,833

All right, Earthlings. What form

do you want me to take?

00:11:49,668 --> 00:11:53,213

How about a taco

that craps ice cream?

00:11:57,259 --> 00:11:58,468

Guys?

00:11:58,593 --> 00:12:00,137

I like it.

- Mrph rmh.

00:12:01,430 --> 00:12:03,306

All right. Then we can

get back to business.

00:12:03,432 --> 00:12:05,934

Follow me this way, Earthlings.

00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:11,565

I want to apologize to you boys

for all the spooky, scary stuff.

00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:14,234

We just needed to get to

the malfunctioning uplink relay.

00:12:14,359 --> 00:12:16,319

You mean the thing in Cartman's ass?

- That's right.

00:12:16,445 --> 00:12:19,197

See, there are dishes in over

50,000 Earthlings' rectums.

00:12:19,322 --> 00:12:21,116

Your friend's

has been malfunctioning.

00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:22,534

Why do you put them

into people's asses?

00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:24,161

Are you planning some kind

of alien takeover?

00:12:24,286 --> 00:12:26,913

Oh, heavens, no!

We're a production company.

00:12:27,038 --> 00:12:28,957

We make intergalactic

television programs

00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:31,293

that the whole universe watches.

00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:32,502

Television?

00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:35,589

We at Nerzod Productions

started 20 billion years ago

00:12:35,714 --> 00:12:36,965

with one philosophy --

00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:40,135

The best universal television

isn't scripted, it's real.

00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:43,054

We started with great shows like

"Who Wants to Marry a Gelgamek?"

00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:44,931

and "Antares 6 Millionaire".

00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:46,183

And then we had a big hit

00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:48,185

with "Get Me Outta Here,

I'm a Klingnanian!"

00:12:48,310 --> 00:12:50,562

But then, of course,

there's our signature show --

00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:54,024

the greatest universal

reality show of all time.

00:12:58,570 --> 00:12:59,738

Earth?

00:12:59,863 --> 00:13:01,698

A few billion years ago,

we realized --

00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:02,866

What if we took species

00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:04,826

from all different planets

in the universe

00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:07,120

and put them together

on the same planet?

00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:08,371

Great TV, right?

00:13:08,497 --> 00:13:11,208

Asians, bears, ducks,

Jews, deer, and Hispanics

00:13:11,333 --> 00:13:13,627

all trying to live

side by side on one planet!

00:13:13,752 --> 00:13:14,753

It's great!

00:13:15,337 --> 00:13:17,547

Our planet is just

a reality-TV show?

00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:18,882

You don't think

the whole universe

00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:20,467

works the way Earth does,

do you?

00:13:20,592 --> 00:13:22,427

No!

One species, one planet.

00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:25,138

There's a planet of deer,

a planet of Asians, and so on.

00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:26,723

We put them all together

on Earth,

00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:29,434

and the whole universe tunes in

to watch the fun!

00:13:30,352 --> 00:13:32,062

You mean you aliens

actually enjoy sitting around

00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:33,647

and watching us fight

and kill each other?

00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:35,065

Dude, that's messed up.

00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:36,066

Why?

- Why?

00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:37,526

You're playing

with people's lives!

00:13:37,651 --> 00:13:39,653

You're turning people's problems

into entertainment!

00:13:39,778 --> 00:13:42,197

Yeah!

We'd never do that on Earth!

00:13:45,075 --> 00:13:46,284

Ladies and gentlemen,

00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:48,620

we have recently come across

an alien transmission

00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:51,081

that is being beamed throughout

the entire universe.

00:13:53,542 --> 00:13:55,752

When decoded,

it looks like this.

00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:09,516

What does it mean?

00:14:09,641 --> 00:14:11,101

I-It's simple mathematical

language

00:14:11,226 --> 00:14:13,186

that can be understood

throughout the solar system.

00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:16,356

Translated into our language,

it looks like this.

00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:19,025

This Jannemon at 8:00,

00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:21,695

it's everyone's

favorite show -- "Earth!"

00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:24,614

It's been 100 galgamars

since we first took species

00:14:24,739 --> 00:14:26,116

from 17 different planets

00:14:26,241 --> 00:14:28,451

and put them all together

on the same planet!

00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:30,120

Ur derp!

00:14:30,245 --> 00:14:32,205

They've fought

and fallen in love.

00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:34,082

What will happen this galgamar?

00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:36,042

Tune in Jannemon at 8:00

to find out!

00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:39,004

It's "Earth!" on FOGNL!

00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:45,760

I'm afraid that Earth --

a-all of Earth --

00:14:45,886 --> 00:14:49,431

is nothing but an intergalactic

reality-TV show.

00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:52,601

My God.

00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:53,602

We're famous!

00:14:57,355 --> 00:14:58,440

Wait.

Y-You don't understand.

00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:00,025

I'm on TV!

00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:01,234

I'm on TV!

00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:03,320

Oh, this is so awesome!

00:15:03,445 --> 00:15:04,696

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:05,780

Whoo-hoo!

00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:11,745

That should get the relay

working again.

00:15:11,870 --> 00:15:13,705

All right, Earthlings.

If you'll step over this way,

00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:15,874

we'll erase your memories

and get you back to Earth.

00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:17,459

Oh, excuse me.

00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,002

This is Nagix.

00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:20,462

Uh-huh.

00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,255

Oh, no.

00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:23,757

Oh, no.

Really?

00:15:23,882 --> 00:15:25,175

And it's -- it's for sure?

00:15:26,343 --> 00:15:28,428

All right.

I'll break the news to everyone.

00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:31,056

No, no. I-I understand.

Thanks.

00:15:31,181 --> 00:15:33,558

Well, you kids can go back

to Earth if you want,

00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:35,185

but I'm afraid

it won't be there for long.

00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:36,436

The show's been canceled.

00:15:36,561 --> 00:15:37,938

What?

Who canceled us?

00:15:38,063 --> 00:15:39,272

The universal network heads.

00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:41,107

They say the Earthlings have

become aware of the show,

00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:42,275

so it won't be funny anymore.

00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:43,944

Oh, shit.

Did we do that?

00:15:44,069 --> 00:15:45,779

Everyone, can I have

your attention real quick?

00:15:45,904 --> 00:15:47,948

Uh, look, I just got a call

from the network,

00:15:48,073 --> 00:15:50,200

and I'm afraid "Earth!"

has been canceled.

00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:51,242

Aww!

00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:52,911

Now -- Now, it was a great run,

00:15:53,036 --> 00:15:55,288

and I think we should all

be really proud.

00:15:57,666 --> 00:15:58,792

Let's call in

the demolition crew

00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:00,251

to strike the Earth

for resources.

00:16:00,377 --> 00:16:02,003

Wait! Wait!

They -- They can't do this!

00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:03,421

Let us talk

to the network heads!

00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:05,590

Wouldn't do any good.

- Dude, we have to try!

00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:07,175

Please, take us to them.

Please!

00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:09,678

All right, kids. We'll take you

to the network heads.

00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:12,639

But I warn you -- Nobody has

ever gotten the executives

00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:15,308

to uncancel a show

once the call has been made.

00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:16,434

Nobody.

00:16:40,291 --> 00:16:42,252

What the hell is that?

00:16:42,377 --> 00:16:45,380

There's a huge ship of some kind

in Earth's orbit.

00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,298

But why?

Wait a minute.

00:16:47,424 --> 00:16:48,299

Chaos theory!

00:16:48,425 --> 00:16:49,300

Chaos theory?

00:16:49,426 --> 00:16:50,301

Chaos theory.

00:16:50,427 --> 00:16:52,303

It was first thought of

in the '60s.

00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:54,264

60 -- That's the number

of episodes

00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:56,641

they made of "Punky Brewster"

before it was canceled.

00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:58,309

Canceled?

- Huh?

00:16:58,435 --> 00:17:00,770

Don't you see?

The show is over.

00:17:00,895 --> 00:17:02,480

The aliens are canceling Earth!

00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:05,025

Oh, my God.

We have to stop them!

00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:09,946

Welcome to planet FOGNL,

home of the Joozians,

00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:13,658

who control all media

in the universe!

00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:17,287

Can I help you?

00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:20,707

Oh, uh, we have a 3:00 meeting

with the network heads.

00:17:20,832 --> 00:17:23,126

Where are you visiting from?

- Uh, Earth.

00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:25,462

Ooh!

I watch that show all the time!

00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:28,798

Oh, sure!

Come on in, Earthlings!

00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:30,633

We're just checking out

our new show.

00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:33,178

We took 100 beings

from the planet Marklar

00:17:33,303 --> 00:17:34,471

and put them on an asteroid

00:17:34,596 --> 00:17:36,473

with sentient beings

from the Horsehead Nebula.

00:17:36,598 --> 00:17:37,807

It's a riot!

00:17:37,932 --> 00:17:39,184

They hate each other!

00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:44,355

"Mighty, powerful

network executives,

00:17:44,481 --> 00:17:46,483

we have come a great distance

in order to --"

00:17:46,608 --> 00:17:48,860

Ooh, I'm starving.

You Earthlings have haglar yet?

00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:50,195

Oh, yeah.

Let's do haglar.

00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:51,571

Where do you want to go,

Meroni's?

00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:53,156

Not on a Flakmar.

Too crowded.

00:17:53,281 --> 00:17:54,991

Ooh!

Blackafelch!

00:17:55,116 --> 00:17:56,701

Oh, Blackafelch!

Perfect!

00:17:58,495 --> 00:18:00,205

This place is fantastic.

00:18:00,330 --> 00:18:02,123

Look, we just want to talk

to you about the show.

00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:04,125

Please don't cancel us.

Please.

00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:05,460

Oh, I'm sorry, Earthlings.

00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:08,046

But you have to realize,

the universe is a business.

00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:10,757

You made it to 100 episodes.

You should be proud.

00:18:10,882 --> 00:18:13,051

Yeah, a show should never go

past 100 episodes

00:18:13,176 --> 00:18:14,636

or else it starts to get stale

00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:17,806

with ridiculously stupid

plotlines and settings.

00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:21,184

Here's your order

of gespahtgaplachfenachenblah!

00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:25,396

But, sirs, we -- we think our

show is just getting good.

00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:27,398

I mean, we're just now

starting to see people

00:18:27,524 --> 00:18:29,109

get really pissed off

at each other.

00:18:29,234 --> 00:18:30,693

Oh, my God.

This is great!

00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:32,862

You must have

some Joozian ancestry.

00:18:32,987 --> 00:18:33,863

Tell us about it.

00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:35,490

There's five billion people

on our show.

00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,075

You can't just up

and cancel on us.

00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:40,161

Oh, my God. Will you look

at the hekmas on that joozinek?

00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:41,830

Dude, we're trying to save

our planet here!

00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:43,748

Let's take the Earthlings

to a hekma bar!

00:18:43,873 --> 00:18:44,916

Oh, yeah!

00:18:48,545 --> 00:18:50,630

Oh, yeah.

Let's see those hekmas!

00:18:50,755 --> 00:18:52,090

Sirs, uh, if you'll --

00:18:52,215 --> 00:18:54,592

Oh, man, I am so wasted.

00:18:54,717 --> 00:18:56,803

Hey, you Earthlings want to try

a little glach?

00:19:01,015 --> 00:19:03,059

Oh, yeah!

00:19:03,184 --> 00:19:04,477

Oh, gluck, yeah!

00:19:06,437 --> 00:19:07,188

Kenny!

00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:08,273

Man, screw this place!

00:19:08,398 --> 00:19:10,275

Let's go get a hotel room

and a hooker!

00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:11,276

Oh, yeah!

00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:12,277

Yeah!

00:19:13,945 --> 00:19:15,780

We have to find a way

to stop those aliens!

00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:18,158

Oh, their ship is massive!

There's no way to stop it!

00:19:18,283 --> 00:19:19,784

Wait a minute.

Jackets!

00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:20,535

Oh, no.

00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,579

If people don't wear jackets,

they could get cold.

00:19:22,704 --> 00:19:24,330

A cold is caused by a virus.

00:19:24,455 --> 00:19:25,331

A virus...

00:19:25,456 --> 00:19:26,791

Computer virus!

00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:28,084

We could make a computer virus

00:19:28,209 --> 00:19:30,837

and send it to their ship

to disable their computers!

00:19:31,713 --> 00:19:34,757

That doesn't make

any goddamn sense!

00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:38,094

Oh, yeah, hooker!

Oh, yeah! Yeah!

00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:40,013

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Yeah!

00:19:41,431 --> 00:19:43,183

Boy, Earthlings,

is this a party or what?

00:19:45,059 --> 00:19:47,645

Oh, that's it, baby.

You're getting my jagon hard.

00:19:47,770 --> 00:19:49,981

Yeah.

Let's party.

00:19:50,106 --> 00:19:51,941

Yes, suck my jagon.

00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:54,319

Yeah.

Now you suck on my jagon.

00:19:54,444 --> 00:19:57,113

Oh, yeah! Stick your finger

in my thrusher.

00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:59,032

Oh, yeah, suck it!

Suck that jagon.

00:20:00,283 --> 00:20:02,368

Dude, I have no idea

what we're seeing right now,

00:20:02,493 --> 00:20:05,330

but I have a feeling

it's really, really wrong.

00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:08,833

Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

00:20:10,293 --> 00:20:12,921

Oh, God.

My head.

00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:14,756

What did we do?

00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:17,926

Oh, man, I can't believe

I sucked your jagon.

00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:20,553

Oh, God!

We did suck each other's jagons.

00:20:20,678 --> 00:20:22,597

You kids won't tell anybody

about this, right?

00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:23,598

No.

00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:24,682

No.

Wait.

00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:27,268

We won't tell anybody

if you don't cancel our show.

00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:29,103

Ooh.

I knew that was coming.

00:20:29,229 --> 00:20:30,772

They've really got us

by the nezmins.

00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:32,315

The Earth show

can still be good.

00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:34,984

Just erase everyone's memory

so we don't know we're a show!

00:20:35,109 --> 00:20:37,070

I'm sure you'll see

that if you give our world time,

00:20:37,195 --> 00:20:39,280

it will become even more

outrageous and violent.

00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:41,199

There's even World War III

to look forward to.

00:20:41,324 --> 00:20:42,951

Then we won't have to show

anybody the picture

00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:44,452

of you guys

sucking each other's jagons.

00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,162

All right!

All right, Earthlings!

00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:47,413

You win.

00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:48,957

The show can stay on.

00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:50,041

All right!

00:20:50,166 --> 00:20:52,460

Just be sure to keep up the wars

and violence.

00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:54,963

Well, we've got a 5:00

with the Yurka producers.

00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:57,507

Nice meeting you, Earthlings.

Bye!

00:20:58,841 --> 00:21:00,551

Whoa, Cartman.

00:21:00,677 --> 00:21:02,178

Looks like you didn't get

much sleep last night.

00:21:02,303 --> 00:21:03,972

That's 'cause I was having

these bogus nightmares

00:21:04,097 --> 00:21:04,973

all night long.

00:21:05,098 --> 00:21:06,057

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:07,600

- What the hell is that?

- Mrph rmh.

00:21:08,726 --> 00:21:10,645

Hello there, children!

- Hey, Chef.

00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:11,604

Chef, Kenny has a picture

00:21:11,729 --> 00:21:14,816

of two green things sucking

each other's shoulders.

00:21:15,650 --> 00:21:16,818

What is it, Chef?

00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:18,820

I don't know,

but something tells me

00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:20,863

this picture might be

very important, children.

00:21:20,989 --> 00:21:22,657

You should hang on to it.

00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:24,701

Attention, universe!

00:21:24,826 --> 00:21:25,952

Be sure to tune in next week

00:21:26,077 --> 00:21:28,079

for another exciting episode

of "Earth!"

00:21:28,204 --> 00:21:30,873

The Asians are really stewed

at the Russians.

00:21:30,999 --> 00:21:33,042

The zebras try to get along

with the buffalo.

00:21:33,167 --> 00:21:36,087

And Americans and Iraqis

have an all-out brawl!

00:21:36,212 --> 00:21:38,339

It's outrageous fun,

and it's all new!

00:21:38,464 --> 00:21:40,133

"Earth!" on FOGNL.

00:21:56,607 --> 00:21:58,693

♪ Let me

search it, gonna work it ♪

00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:13,806

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:15,599

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:18,602

♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,604

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:20,730 --> 00:00:22,023

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

00:00:22,148 --> 00:00:25,401

♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:28,529

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

00:00:28,654 --> 00:00:33,200

♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:37,038

♪ School days, school days,

teacher's Golden Rule -- ♪

00:00:37,163 --> 00:00:38,372

Aw, damn it!

- What?

00:00:38,497 --> 00:00:40,708

My Goddamn brother is trying to

follow me to school again!

00:00:40,833 --> 00:00:42,084

Suck my balls.

00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:44,086

No, Ike, you can't come

to school with me.

00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:45,504

Yeah!

Go home, you little dildo!

00:00:45,629 --> 00:00:47,923

Dude, for the last time,

don't call my brother a dildo!

00:00:48,049 --> 00:00:50,468

All right, go home, you little

semen-puking, asshole dickhead.

00:00:50,593 --> 00:00:51,594

[ Laughter ]

00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:53,179

Ow!

- Dude, sweet.

00:00:53,304 --> 00:00:55,139

Yeah. Check it out.

Ready, Ike?

00:00:55,264 --> 00:00:56,390

Kick the baby!

00:00:56,515 --> 00:00:58,350

Don't kick the Goddamn baby.

00:00:58,476 --> 00:00:59,393

Kick the baby.

- Waah.

00:00:59,518 --> 00:01:00,728

Ow.

00:01:00,853 --> 00:01:02,229

[ Yawns ]

- Whoa, Cartman.

00:01:02,354 --> 00:01:03,939

Looks like you didn't get

much sleep last night.

00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:05,775

That's because I was having

these bogus nightmares

00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:06,776

all night long.

00:01:06,901 --> 00:01:07,860

Really?

What about?

00:01:07,985 --> 00:01:10,821

Well, I dreamt that I was

lying in my bed, in the dark,

00:01:10,946 --> 00:01:11,989

when all of a sudden,

00:01:12,114 --> 00:01:14,033

this bright blue light

filled the room.

00:01:14,158 --> 00:01:16,660

And slowly my bedroom door

began to open.

00:01:16,786 --> 00:01:17,870

And the next thing I remember,

00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:19,872

I was being drug

through a hallway.

00:01:19,997 --> 00:01:21,040

Weak!

00:01:21,165 --> 00:01:23,584

Then these scary aliens

wanted to operate on me.

00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:25,878

They had big heads

and big, black eyes.

00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:27,546

Dude, visitors!

- Totally!

00:01:27,671 --> 00:01:28,297

What?

00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:29,965

That wasn't a dream, Cartman!

Those were visitors!

00:01:30,091 --> 00:01:31,675

No, it was just a dream.

My mom said so.

00:01:31,801 --> 00:01:34,136

Visitors are real.

They --

00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:35,971

Wait a minute.

This has all happened before.

00:01:36,097 --> 00:01:38,265

Yeah.

This does seem really familiar.

00:01:38,390 --> 00:01:40,309

What the Funk & Wagnalls

are you talking about?

00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:42,686

Cartman, don't you remember the

last time you had this dream?

00:01:42,812 --> 00:01:45,106

Shut up, you guys.

You're just trying to scare me.

00:01:45,231 --> 00:01:46,440

No, dude, this happened before!

00:01:46,565 --> 00:01:47,650

Aliens put some device in you,

00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:49,527

and we tied you up to a tree,

and you went up on their ship.

00:01:49,652 --> 00:01:51,612

You don't remember that?

- No, I don't remember that!

00:01:51,737 --> 00:01:52,446

You don't?

00:01:52,571 --> 00:01:55,324

No, because the aliens erased

my memory!

00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:56,575

I remember this whole thing.

00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,285

Ike tried to follow you

to school, you kicked him,

00:01:58,410 --> 00:02:00,121

then Cartman told us

about his alien dream.

00:02:00,246 --> 00:02:01,997

Yeah, and then Chef pulled up

in his car.

00:02:02,123 --> 00:02:03,999

[ Funk music playing ]

00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:05,960

Hello there, children!

00:02:06,085 --> 00:02:07,253

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:02:07,378 --> 00:02:08,629

And then you said...

00:02:08,754 --> 00:02:10,339

What's gonna be

for lunch today, Chef?

00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:13,050

Well, today it's Salisbury steak

with hot buttered noodles...

00:02:13,175 --> 00:02:15,469

[all]...and a choice of green-

bean salad or vegetable medley.

00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:16,428

Weird.

00:02:16,554 --> 00:02:18,472

Say, did any of you children...

00:02:18,597 --> 00:02:20,641

[all]...see the alien spaceship

last night?

00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:21,684

What the...

00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:23,310

Chef, we're in a repeat!

00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:24,270

A repeat?

00:02:24,395 --> 00:02:26,397

Cartman was visited

by aliens again last night,

00:02:26,522 --> 00:02:28,524

and now it's like we're living

a repeat of a previous day!

00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,067

Oh, dude, I hate repeats.

00:02:30,192 --> 00:02:32,528

I've been feeling déjà vu

all morning, children.

00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,697

I knew something strange

was going on.

00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:36,699

It all started when Cartman got

an anal probe.

00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:39,660

We have to get Eric

to a proctologist right away.

00:02:41,787 --> 00:02:44,165

What is a proc-tologist, Chef?

00:02:44,290 --> 00:02:47,084

He's a doctor that specializes

in your asshole, children.

00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:48,544

You mean at some point

in this doctor's life,

00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,546

he decided he wanted to work

on people's buttholes?

00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,298

That's right.

- What a dick.

00:02:52,965 --> 00:02:54,884

Hello, everyone.

- Hello, Doctor.

00:02:55,009 --> 00:02:56,760

Thanks for seeing Eric

on such short notice.

00:02:56,886 --> 00:02:58,345

What seems to be the problem?

00:02:58,470 --> 00:02:59,430

We just want you to take a look

00:02:59,555 --> 00:03:01,307

and tell us

if you see anything abnormal.

00:03:01,432 --> 00:03:02,892

Other than its monstrous size.

00:03:03,017 --> 00:03:06,145

Shut up, Kyle!

Shut your goddamn mouth!

00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:08,397

All right.

Let's see here.

00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,024

Oh my God!

- What?

00:03:10,149 --> 00:03:13,527

Why, there's a huge crack

going right down the middle!

00:03:13,652 --> 00:03:14,570

[ Laughs ]

00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:15,905

Ha ha.

Very funny.

00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:17,573

Like we haven't heard that one

a zillion times.

00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:19,617

All right.

Let's take a look.

00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:23,037

Hey! Just what the hell

do you think you're doing?

00:03:23,162 --> 00:03:25,539

Eric, the doctor has to feel

inside your rectum.

00:03:25,664 --> 00:03:28,083

Afterwards, he'll probably have

to burn his hand and bury it.

00:03:28,209 --> 00:03:30,711

Kyle, I swear, if I didn't have

a guy's hand up my ass right now,

00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:32,796

I'd leap across the room

and kick you in the nuts.

00:03:32,922 --> 00:03:35,299

[ Grunts ]

Uh -- Ooh. Ehh.

00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:36,967

The prostate seems to be normal.

00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:39,303

No swelling

of the hormonal gland.

00:03:39,428 --> 00:03:41,013

Ooh. [ Grunts ]

- Oh, wait. What's this?

00:03:41,138 --> 00:03:42,431

[ Farts ]

- Aah!

00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:46,268

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:48,020

Are you okay?

- Dude.

00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:50,814

You know that feeling

when you take a huge dump?

00:03:50,940 --> 00:03:51,857

Awesome.

00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:52,900

Well, Doctor?

00:03:53,025 --> 00:03:55,736

I've never quite seen this

before.

00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:58,155

Perhaps he just needs

some hemorrhoid cream.

00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,241

Aah! Aah!

- [ Whirring ]

00:04:00,366 --> 00:04:02,034

[ Grunts ]

- You all right?

00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:03,911

You know that feeling

when the huge dump you just took

00:04:04,036 --> 00:04:05,162

shoots back up inside your ass?

00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:06,163

No, I'm not all right!

00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:08,624

I've never seen a hemorrhoid

react this way.

00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:11,502

That wasn't no hemorrhoid.

It was an alien hoop-a-joop!

00:04:11,627 --> 00:04:12,586

Come on, children!

00:04:12,711 --> 00:04:14,630

We've got to get Eric

to some real help!

00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:15,714

Where to now, Chef?

00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:17,299

That thing inside Eric's asshole

00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:19,176

looked like some kind

of alien satellite dish.

00:04:19,301 --> 00:04:22,263

We need to see my friend

down at the space center now!

00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:28,227

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:31,605

[ Birds chirping,

insects buzzing ]

00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:33,190

You're the only person

I could think of

00:04:33,315 --> 00:04:34,525

who might be able

to help us, Jeff.

00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:36,735

How do we, uh, make it come out?

00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:39,321

Someone just has to activate it

like the proctologist did.

00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:40,489

Oh, no, no, no, no!

00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:43,242

Nobody is putting their finger

in my ass again.

00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:45,035

Unless it's Kyle.

00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,121

What? No way!

You do it, Kenny.

00:04:47,246 --> 00:04:49,248

Nope. It has to be Kyle.

- Go on.

00:04:49,373 --> 00:04:51,000

I'm not putting my finger

up Cartman's butt!

00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:53,210

Kyle, the fate of the world

may be at stake.

00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,838

Come, Kyle.

Do hurry.

00:04:59,925 --> 00:05:01,969

Go ahead.

It won't bite.

00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:04,388

[ Farts, laughs ]

00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:06,265

[ Laughing ]

- God damn it, Cartman!

00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:09,059

I couldn't resist.

I'm sorry.

00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:10,519

[ Farts, laughs ]

00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:12,479

[ Laughing ]

- Stop it, Cartman!

00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:14,356

Okay.

Okay, okay.

00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:15,858

[ Farts, laughs ]

00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:17,943

[ Laughing ]

- God damn it!

00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:19,737

Oh, man, that was great.

00:05:19,862 --> 00:05:23,032

Okay, go ahead.

I'm all out of farts now.

00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:24,491

[ Farts, laughs ]

00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:25,326

Durr!

00:05:25,451 --> 00:05:26,368

Mm!

[ Laughs ]

00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:29,330

Okay, okay.

It's not funny anymore.

00:05:30,414 --> 00:05:31,582

[ Farts ]

Oh, yes, it is!

00:05:31,707 --> 00:05:33,250

[ Laughter ]

00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:34,626

Eric, that's enough!

00:05:34,752 --> 00:05:36,295

Okay, okay.

00:05:37,588 --> 00:05:40,049

[ Farts ]

Oh! Double psyche!

00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:41,633

[ Laughter]

- That's it!

00:05:41,759 --> 00:05:43,802

I don't care about

the fate of the world! Screw it!

00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:44,928

Oh, nice going, Cartman!

00:05:45,054 --> 00:05:46,430

All right. All right.

I'm sorry.

00:05:46,555 --> 00:05:48,057

Go ahead, Kyle.

- No!

00:05:48,182 --> 00:05:50,059

No. Go ahead. I'm dry.

- You're lying!

00:05:50,184 --> 00:05:52,144

It stopped being funny

40 seconds ago, boys.

00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:53,645

Let's just get this over with.

00:05:53,771 --> 00:05:55,481

But it was one of the best times

I've ever had.

00:05:55,606 --> 00:05:57,274

Can I see this thing, please?

00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:58,567

Okay.

00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,861

[ Farts ]

Oh! God damn it!

00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:03,197

[ Laughs ]

Okay. Now it's funny again.

00:06:03,322 --> 00:06:04,531

This is so awesome!

00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:07,034

I don't think I made it out

of that proctologist's office.

00:06:07,159 --> 00:06:08,535

I think I died

and went to heaven.

00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:10,329

That does it!

Charge!

00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:11,705

[ Farts ]

Aah!

00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:14,375

[ Whirring ]

00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:16,043

[ Humming ]

00:06:16,168 --> 00:06:17,586

What's it doing?

00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:20,798

It -- It's sending

a transmission of some kind.

00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:22,674

Got it.

00:06:25,094 --> 00:06:27,679

It's just sending images

of cities and people and stuff.

00:06:27,805 --> 00:06:29,640

Where is the signal

being sent to?

00:06:31,183 --> 00:06:32,226

Aah!

00:06:32,351 --> 00:06:33,727

[ Grunts ]

00:06:33,852 --> 00:06:35,938

I don't want to play anymore,

you guys.

00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:38,399

We went through all that just

for some gay video of Earth?

00:06:38,524 --> 00:06:40,401

We wanted to see an alien planet

or something.

00:06:40,526 --> 00:06:42,736

Whoever they are,

if they're receiving messages,

00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:44,696

they might be sending them, too.

00:06:44,822 --> 00:06:46,782

Wait a minute.

C-Candy bars.

00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:48,158

Candy bars?

00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:49,618

You -- You know, candy bars.

00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:50,994

They usually come in a wrapper,

00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:53,205

just like you wrap

a Christmas present.

00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:55,124

Christmas happens

when it's cold.

00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:57,876

Cold, as in Alaska.

That's where the polar bears...

00:06:58,001 --> 00:07:00,379

Polar bears...

Pol -- Polarity!

00:07:00,504 --> 00:07:03,173

I can switch the polarity

to see what transmissions

00:07:03,298 --> 00:07:07,219

are coming from the location

this one is being sent to!

00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:09,847

[ Electricity crackles,

whirring ]

00:07:09,972 --> 00:07:11,557

What the heck?

00:07:13,892 --> 00:07:16,687

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

00:07:16,812 --> 00:07:17,771

They're coming in!

00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:19,940

[ Humming ]

00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:23,360

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:25,529

What do we do?

00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:26,655

It's that guy you want!

00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,657

He's trying to reverse

your polarities!

00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:29,324

What?!

00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:32,327

Aah!

Run, run, run!

00:07:32,453 --> 00:07:34,163

Get in the car, children.

Get in the car!

00:07:34,288 --> 00:07:37,666

[ Engine starts, tires screech ]

00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:39,042

[ Horn honking ]

00:07:39,168 --> 00:07:42,045

What is that?

- Can you see anything, children?

00:07:42,171 --> 00:07:44,131

The aliens are chasing us!

00:07:47,718 --> 00:07:49,845

[ Gunshots ]

00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:51,889

Goddamn aliens!

00:07:52,014 --> 00:07:54,308

[ Gunshots ]

00:07:54,433 --> 00:07:55,809

Chef, end of the road!

00:07:57,019 --> 00:07:59,021

Hold on, children!

We have to ditch them!

00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:01,148

[ Tires screech ]

- What are you doing, man?

00:08:01,273 --> 00:08:03,275

[ Horn plays "Dixie" ]

00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:07,237

Looks like them boys

are getting a little fresh air.

00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:11,116

[ Country music plays ]

00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:13,535

[ Chickens clucking ]

00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:14,745

I think we ditched 'em.

00:08:14,870 --> 00:08:16,538

I don't think we're

out of the woods yet.

00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:20,292

[ Tires screech ]

00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:21,460

Goot, goot!

[ Siren wailing ]

00:08:21,585 --> 00:08:22,878

It's the police!

00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,171

That ain't no police!

00:08:24,296 --> 00:08:27,633

[ Music continues ]

00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:32,346

When do we get to eat?

I'm hungry.

00:08:32,471 --> 00:08:33,055

Chef!

00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:35,057

Ohh!

00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:44,775

[ Tires screech ]

00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:45,943

[ Insects chirping ]

00:08:46,068 --> 00:08:47,903

Ha! Goddamn aliens!

00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:49,905

I beat you!

00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:53,158

Where'd you learn to drive,

aliens -- Chinese auto school?

00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:54,826

Chef!

00:08:54,952 --> 00:08:56,703

You're lucky I didn't

just turn around

00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:58,956

and beat your white, skinny

alien asses anyway!

00:08:59,081 --> 00:09:02,167

Maybe next time

you'll remember to -- Huh?

00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:05,837

Oh, crap!

Children!

00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:08,006

Chef!

00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:10,259

Well, it looks like

the boys are in more trouble

00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:11,927

than a June bug in molasses.

00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:14,054

And it's pretty thick molasses,

too.

00:09:15,347 --> 00:09:18,767

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:20,227

Uh...

00:09:20,352 --> 00:09:23,146

Ugh.

You guys, wake up!

00:09:23,272 --> 00:09:25,440

What the...

Where -- Where are we?

00:09:25,566 --> 00:09:27,818

We're in the alien ship.

00:09:27,943 --> 00:09:29,027

Aah! Aah!

00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:30,696

I'm trapped inside

Helen Hunt's ass!

00:09:30,821 --> 00:09:32,030

Oh, God!

Help me, you guys!

00:09:32,155 --> 00:09:34,408

It's not Helen Hunt's ass.

It's an alien spaceship.

00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:37,828

Oh, thank God!

Oh, thank -- thank you, Lord.

00:09:37,953 --> 00:09:39,997

You guys, look.

00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:42,624

Wow.

- Wow.

00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:46,587

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:09:46,712 --> 00:09:48,380

Oh, my God.

Do you guys realize?

00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:51,216

This is only the second time

we've ever been in outer space.

00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:53,343

Yeah.

- Rmphm.

00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:55,721

This is like my fifth time.

00:09:55,846 --> 00:09:58,098

[ Whirring ]

00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:02,352

Uh-oh.

This must be the head alien guy.

00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:04,104

Mrph rmh!

00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,065

Hello, boys.

00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:08,650

Dad?

00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:09,985

No, not really.

00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,153

I just read your mind

00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:13,864

and thought this form might be

more pleasing to you.

00:10:13,989 --> 00:10:15,866

Oh, dude, don't do that.

That's gay.

00:10:15,991 --> 00:10:17,576

Yeah, that's like that

stupid movie Contact.

00:10:17,701 --> 00:10:19,119

Oh, God.

That movie pissed me off.

00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:21,663

Very well.

I shall show my true form.

00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:23,749

Blargh, blargh, blargh!

Blargh, blargh!

00:10:23,874 --> 00:10:25,751

Okay, okay! Take the form

of something else!

00:10:25,876 --> 00:10:27,377

How's this?

00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:29,212

Santa!

00:10:29,338 --> 00:10:30,505

No.

That's stupid, too.

00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:32,758

How about this?

00:10:32,883 --> 00:10:33,717

No.

00:10:35,093 --> 00:10:36,053

No.

00:10:38,013 --> 00:10:40,015

Ooh, very nice.

- No.

00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:42,976

No.

00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:45,145

Dy-no-mite!

- [all] No.

00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:47,147

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:10:47,272 --> 00:10:48,607

Jeff!

00:10:48,732 --> 00:10:50,692

The aliens took the children

up on their ship!

00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:51,360

Oh, no!

00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:53,111

Did you find out what

the aliens are up to?

00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:55,155

When I reversed the polarities,

I found this.

00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:56,531

[ Beeping ]

00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:58,533

It's a message that the aliens

are broadcasting

00:10:58,659 --> 00:10:59,868

throughout the entire universe.

00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,578

But I have no idea what it says.

00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:03,038

They took the children, Jeff!

00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:05,082

I have to know

what those aliens are up to!

00:11:05,207 --> 00:11:06,458

Wait a minute.

00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:07,709

Butt sex.

00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:09,002

Butt sex?

00:11:09,127 --> 00:11:11,505

Butt sex requires a lot

of lubrication, right?

00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:12,964

Lubrication...

00:11:13,090 --> 00:11:14,716

Lubra, chupa...

00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:17,594

Chupacabras, the -- the

goat-killer of Mexican folklore.

00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:19,304

Folklore is stories

from the past

00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:22,557

that are often fictionalized --

fictionalized to heighten drama.

00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:23,642

Drama student!

00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:25,686

Students at colleges

usually have bicycles.

00:11:25,811 --> 00:11:26,978

Bi-- Bi-- Binary!

00:11:27,104 --> 00:11:28,939

It's binary code!

00:11:29,064 --> 00:11:31,149

Who's having butt sex?

00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:33,402

♪ Hello, my honey,

hello, my baby ♪

00:11:33,527 --> 00:11:35,987

♪ Hello, my ragtime gal ♪

00:11:36,113 --> 00:11:37,239

[all]

No.

00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:39,825

♪ Let me search it,

gonna work it ♪

00:11:39,950 --> 00:11:41,326

[ Mumbling ]

00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:42,202

[all]

No.

00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:44,663

♪ Don't piss on the moon, babe ♪

00:11:44,788 --> 00:11:45,414

[all]

No.

00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:47,833

All right, Earthlings. What form

do you want me to take?

00:11:49,668 --> 00:11:53,213

How about a taco

that craps ice cream?

00:11:57,259 --> 00:11:58,468

Guys?

00:11:58,593 --> 00:12:00,137

I like it.

- Mrph rmh.

00:12:01,430 --> 00:12:03,306

All right. Then we can

get back to business.

00:12:03,432 --> 00:12:05,934

Follow me this way, Earthlings.

00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:11,565

I want to apologize to you boys

for all the spooky, scary stuff.

00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:14,234

We just needed to get to

the malfunctioning uplink relay.

00:12:14,359 --> 00:12:16,319

You mean the thing in Cartman's ass?

- That's right.

00:12:16,445 --> 00:12:19,197

See, there are dishes in over

50,000 Earthlings' rectums.

00:12:19,322 --> 00:12:21,116

Your friend's

has been malfunctioning.

00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:22,534

Why do you put them

into people's asses?

00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:24,161

Are you planning some kind

of alien takeover?

00:12:24,286 --> 00:12:26,913

Oh, heavens, no!

We're a production company.

00:12:27,038 --> 00:12:28,957

We make intergalactic

television programs

00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:31,293

that the whole universe watches.

00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:32,502

Television?

00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:35,589

We at Nerzod Productions

started 20 billion years ago

00:12:35,714 --> 00:12:36,965

with one philosophy --

00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:40,135

The best universal television

isn't scripted, it's real.

00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:43,054

We started with great shows like

"Who Wants to Marry a Gelgamek?"

00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:44,931

and "Antares 6 Millionaire".

00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:46,183

And then we had a big hit

00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:48,185

with "Get Me Outta Here,

I'm a Klingnanian!"

00:12:48,310 --> 00:12:50,562

But then, of course,

there's our signature show --

00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:54,024

the greatest universal

reality show of all time.

00:12:54,149 --> 00:12:57,444

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:12:58,570 --> 00:12:59,738

Earth?

00:12:59,863 --> 00:13:01,698

A few billion years ago,

we realized --

00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:02,866

What if we took species

00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:04,826

from all different planets

in the universe

00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:07,120

and put them together

on the same planet?

00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:08,371

Great TV, right?

00:13:08,497 --> 00:13:11,208

Asians, bears, ducks,

Jews, deer, and Hispanics

00:13:11,333 --> 00:13:13,627

all trying to live

side by side on one planet!

00:13:13,752 --> 00:13:14,753

It's great!

00:13:15,337 --> 00:13:17,547

Our planet is just

a reality-TV show?

00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:18,882

You don't think

the whole universe

00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:20,467

works the way Earth does,

do you?

00:13:20,592 --> 00:13:22,427

No!

One species, one planet.

00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:25,138

There's a planet of deer,

a planet of Asians, and so on.

00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:26,723

We put them all together

on Earth,

00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:29,434

and the whole universe tunes in

to watch the fun!

00:13:30,352 --> 00:13:32,062

You mean you aliens

actually enjoy sitting around

00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:33,647

and watching us fight

and kill each other?

00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:35,065

Dude, that's messed up.

00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:36,066

Why?

- Why?

00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:37,526

You're playing

with people's lives!

00:13:37,651 --> 00:13:39,653

You're turning people's problems

into entertainment!

00:13:39,778 --> 00:13:42,197

Yeah!

We'd never do that on Earth!

00:13:43,281 --> 00:13:44,950

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:13:45,075 --> 00:13:46,284

Ladies and gentlemen,

00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:48,620

we have recently come across

an alien transmission

00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:51,081

that is being beamed throughout

the entire universe.

00:13:51,206 --> 00:13:53,416

[ Murmuring ]

00:13:53,542 --> 00:13:55,752

When decoded,

it looks like this.

00:13:55,877 --> 00:13:57,712

[ Static, beeping ]

00:13:57,838 --> 00:14:00,632

[ Distorted voices ]

00:14:05,887 --> 00:14:07,472

[ Click ]

00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:09,516

What does it mean?

00:14:09,641 --> 00:14:11,101

I-It's simple mathematical

language

00:14:11,226 --> 00:14:13,186

that can be understood

throughout the solar system.

00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:16,356

Translated into our language,

it looks like this.

00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:19,025

This Jannemon at 8:00,

00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:21,695

it's everyone's

favorite show -- "Earth!"

00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:24,614

It's been 100 galgamars

since we first took species

00:14:24,739 --> 00:14:26,116

from 17 different planets

00:14:26,241 --> 00:14:28,451

and put them all together

on the same planet!

00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:30,120

Ur derp!

00:14:30,245 --> 00:14:32,205

They've fought

and fallen in love.

00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:34,082

What will happen this galgamar?

00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:36,042

Tune in Jannemon at 8:00

to find out!

00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:39,004

It's "Earth!" on FOGNL!

00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:45,760

I'm afraid that Earth --

a-all of Earth --

00:14:45,886 --> 00:14:49,431

is nothing but an intergalactic

reality-TV show.

00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:52,601

My God.

00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:53,602

We're famous!

00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:57,230

[ Cheering ]

00:14:57,355 --> 00:14:58,440

Wait.

Y-You don't understand.

00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:00,025

I'm on TV!

00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:01,234

I'm on TV!

00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:03,320

Oh, this is so awesome!

00:15:03,445 --> 00:15:04,696

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:05,780

Whoo-hoo!

00:15:05,906 --> 00:15:07,908

[ Door closes ]

00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:11,745

That should get the relay

working again.

00:15:11,870 --> 00:15:13,705

All right, Earthlings.

If you'll step over this way,

00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:15,874

we'll erase your memories

and get you back to Earth.

00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:17,459

[ Telephone rings ]

Oh, excuse me.

00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,002

This is Nagix.

00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:20,462

Uh-huh.

00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,255

Oh, no.

00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:23,757

Oh, no.

Really?

00:15:23,882 --> 00:15:25,175

And it's -- it's for sure?

00:15:26,343 --> 00:15:28,428

All right.

I'll break the news to everyone.

00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:31,056

No, no. I-I understand.

Thanks.

00:15:31,181 --> 00:15:33,558

Well, you kids can go back

to Earth if you want,

00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:35,185

but I'm afraid

it won't be there for long.

00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:36,436

The show's been canceled.

00:15:36,561 --> 00:15:37,938

What?

Who canceled us?

00:15:38,063 --> 00:15:39,272

The universal network heads.

00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:41,107

They say the Earthlings have

become aware of the show,

00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:42,275

so it won't be funny anymore.

00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:43,944

Oh, shit.

Did we do that?

00:15:44,069 --> 00:15:45,779

Everyone, can I have

your attention real quick?

00:15:45,904 --> 00:15:47,948

Uh, look, I just got a call

from the network,

00:15:48,073 --> 00:15:50,200

and I'm afraid "Earth!"

has been canceled.

00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:51,242

[all]

Aww!

00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:52,911

Now -- Now, it was a great run,

00:15:53,036 --> 00:15:55,288

and I think we should all

be really proud.

00:15:55,413 --> 00:15:57,540

[ Light applause ]

00:15:57,666 --> 00:15:58,792

Let's call in

the demolition crew

00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:00,251

to strike the Earth

for resources.

00:16:00,377 --> 00:16:02,003

Wait! Wait!

They -- They can't do this!

00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:03,421

Let us talk

to the network heads!

00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:05,590

Wouldn't do any good.

- Dude, we have to try!

00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:07,175

Please, take us to them.

Please!

00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:09,678

All right, kids. We'll take you

to the network heads.

00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:12,639

But I warn you -- Nobody has

ever gotten the executives

00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:15,308

to uncancel a show

once the call has been made.

00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:16,434

Nobody.

00:16:22,691 --> 00:16:25,360

[ Engine humming ]

00:16:35,078 --> 00:16:36,204

[ Rumbling ]

00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:38,999

[ Crowd shouting ]

00:16:39,124 --> 00:16:40,166

[ Rumbling ]

00:16:40,291 --> 00:16:42,252

What the hell is that?

00:16:42,377 --> 00:16:45,380

There's a huge ship of some kind

in Earth's orbit.

00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,298

But why?

Wait a minute.

00:16:47,424 --> 00:16:48,299

Chaos theory!

00:16:48,425 --> 00:16:49,300

Chaos theory?

00:16:49,426 --> 00:16:50,301

Chaos theory.

00:16:50,427 --> 00:16:52,303

It was first thought of

in the '60s.

00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:54,264

60 -- That's the number

of episodes

00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:56,641

they made of "Punky Brewster"

before it was canceled.

00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:58,309

Canceled?

- Huh?

00:16:58,435 --> 00:17:00,770

Don't you see?

The show is over.

00:17:00,895 --> 00:17:02,480

The aliens are canceling Earth!

00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:05,025

Oh, my God.

We have to stop them!

00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:09,946

Welcome to planet FOGNL,

home of the Joozians,

00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:13,658

who control all media

in the universe!

00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:15,660

[ Indistinct conversations ]

00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:17,287

Can I help you?

00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:20,707

Oh, uh, we have a 3:00 meeting

with the network heads.

00:17:20,832 --> 00:17:23,126

Where are you visiting from?

- Uh, Earth.

00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:25,462

Ooh!

I watch that show all the time!

00:17:25,587 --> 00:17:26,963

[ Laughing ]

00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:28,798

Oh, sure!

Come on in, Earthlings!

00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:30,633

We're just checking out

our new show.

00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:33,178

We took 100 beings

from the planet Marklar

00:17:33,303 --> 00:17:34,471

and put them on an asteroid

00:17:34,596 --> 00:17:36,473

with sentient beings

from the Horsehead Nebula.

00:17:36,598 --> 00:17:37,807

It's a riot!

00:17:37,932 --> 00:17:39,184

They hate each other!

00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:40,477

[ Both laughing ]

00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:44,355

"Mighty, powerful

network executives,

00:17:44,481 --> 00:17:46,483

we have come a great distance

in order to --"

00:17:46,608 --> 00:17:48,860

Ooh, I'm starving.

You Earthlings have haglar yet?

00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:50,195

Oh, yeah.

Let's do haglar.

00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:51,571

Where do you want to go,

Meroni's?

00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:53,156

Not on a Flakmar.

Too crowded.

00:17:53,281 --> 00:17:54,991

Ooh!

Blackafelch!

00:17:55,116 --> 00:17:56,701

Oh, Blackafelch!

Perfect!

00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:58,369

[ Down-tempo music playing ]

00:17:58,495 --> 00:18:00,205

This place is fantastic.

00:18:00,330 --> 00:18:02,123

Look, we just want to talk

to you about the show.

00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:04,125

Please don't cancel us.

Please.

00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:05,460

Oh, I'm sorry, Earthlings.

00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:08,046

But you have to realize,

the universe is a business.

00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:10,757

You made it to 100 episodes.

You should be proud.

00:18:10,882 --> 00:18:13,051

Yeah, a show should never go

past 100 episodes

00:18:13,176 --> 00:18:14,636

or else it starts to get stale

00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:17,806

with ridiculously stupid

plotlines and settings.

00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:21,184

Here's your order

of gespahtgaplachfenachenblah!

00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:25,396

But, sirs, we -- we think our

show is just getting good.

00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:27,398

I mean, we're just now

starting to see people

00:18:27,524 --> 00:18:29,109

get really pissed off

at each other.

00:18:29,234 --> 00:18:30,693

Oh, my God.

This is great!

00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:32,862

You must have

some Joozian ancestry.

00:18:32,987 --> 00:18:33,863

Tell us about it.

00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:35,490

There's five billion people

on our show.

00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,075

You can't just up

and cancel on us.

00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:40,161

Oh, my God. Will you look

at the hekmas on that joozinek?

00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:41,830

Dude, we're trying to save

our planet here!

00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:43,748

Let's take the Earthlings

to a hekma bar!

00:18:43,873 --> 00:18:44,916

Oh, yeah!

00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:48,419

[ Up-tempo music playing ]

00:18:48,545 --> 00:18:50,630

Oh, yeah.

Let's see those hekmas!

00:18:50,755 --> 00:18:52,090

Sirs, uh, if you'll --

00:18:52,215 --> 00:18:54,592

Oh, man, I am so wasted.

00:18:54,717 --> 00:18:56,803

Hey, you Earthlings want to try

a little glach?

00:18:58,596 --> 00:18:59,597

[ Snorting ]

00:19:01,015 --> 00:19:03,059

[ Snorts ]

Oh, yeah!

00:19:03,184 --> 00:19:04,477

Oh, gluck, yeah!

00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:06,312

[ Snorting ]

00:19:06,437 --> 00:19:07,188

Kenny!

00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:08,273

Man, screw this place!

00:19:08,398 --> 00:19:10,275

Let's go get a hotel room

and a hooker!

00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:11,276

Oh, yeah!

00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:12,277

Yeah!

00:19:12,402 --> 00:19:13,820

[ Thudding ]

00:19:13,945 --> 00:19:15,780

We have to find a way

to stop those aliens!

00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:18,158

Oh, their ship is massive!

There's no way to stop it!

00:19:18,283 --> 00:19:19,784

Wait a minute.

Jackets!

00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:20,535

Oh, no.

00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,579

If people don't wear jackets,

they could get cold.

00:19:22,704 --> 00:19:24,330

A cold is caused by a virus.

00:19:24,455 --> 00:19:25,331

A virus...

00:19:25,456 --> 00:19:26,791

Computer virus!

00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:28,084

We could make a computer virus

00:19:28,209 --> 00:19:30,837

and send it to their ship

to disable their computers!

00:19:31,713 --> 00:19:34,757

That doesn't make

any goddamn sense!

00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:38,094

Oh, yeah, hooker!

Oh, yeah! Yeah!

00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:40,013

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Yeah!

00:19:40,138 --> 00:19:41,306

[ Snorts ]

00:19:41,431 --> 00:19:43,183

Boy, Earthlings,

is this a party or what?

00:19:43,308 --> 00:19:44,934

[ Up-tempo music playing ]

00:19:45,059 --> 00:19:47,645

Oh, that's it, baby.

You're getting my jagon hard.

00:19:47,770 --> 00:19:49,981

Yeah.

Let's party.

00:19:50,106 --> 00:19:51,941

Yes, suck my jagon.

00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:54,319

Yeah.

Now you suck on my jagon.

00:19:54,444 --> 00:19:57,113

Oh, yeah! Stick your finger

in my thrusher.

00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:59,032

Oh, yeah, suck it!

Suck that jagon.

00:20:00,283 --> 00:20:02,368

Dude, I have no idea

what we're seeing right now,

00:20:02,493 --> 00:20:05,330

but I have a feeling

it's really, really wrong.

00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:08,833

Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

00:20:10,293 --> 00:20:12,921

Oh, God.

My head.

00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:14,756

What did we do?

00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:17,926

Oh, man, I can't believe

I sucked your jagon.

00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:20,553

Oh, God!

We did suck each other's jagons.

00:20:20,678 --> 00:20:22,597

You kids won't tell anybody

about this, right?

00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:23,598

No.

00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:24,682

No.

Wait.

00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:27,268

We won't tell anybody

if you don't cancel our show.

00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:29,103

Ooh.

I knew that was coming.

00:20:29,229 --> 00:20:30,772

They've really got us

by the nezmins.

00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:32,315

The Earth show

can still be good.

00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:34,984

Just erase everyone's memory

so we don't know we're a show!

00:20:35,109 --> 00:20:37,070

I'm sure you'll see

that if you give our world time,

00:20:37,195 --> 00:20:39,280

it will become even more

outrageous and violent.

00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:41,199

There's even World War III

to look forward to.

00:20:41,324 --> 00:20:42,951

Then we won't have to show

anybody the picture

00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:44,452

of you guys

sucking each other's jagons.

00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,162

All right!

All right, Earthlings!

00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:47,413

You win.

00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:48,957

The show can stay on.

00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:50,041

[all]

All right!

00:20:50,166 --> 00:20:52,460

Just be sure to keep up the wars

and violence.

00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:54,963

Well, we've got a 5:00

with the Yurka producers.

00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:57,507

Nice meeting you, Earthlings.

Bye!

00:20:58,841 --> 00:21:00,551

[ Yawns ]

- Whoa, Cartman.

00:21:00,677 --> 00:21:02,178

Looks like you didn't get

much sleep last night.

00:21:02,303 --> 00:21:03,972

That's 'cause I was having

these bogus nightmares

00:21:04,097 --> 00:21:04,973

all night long.

00:21:05,098 --> 00:21:06,057

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:07,600

- What the hell is that?

- Mrph rmh.

00:21:07,725 --> 00:21:08,601

[ Funk music playing ]

00:21:08,726 --> 00:21:10,645

Hello there, children!

- [all] Hey, Chef.

00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:11,604

Chef, Kenny has a picture

00:21:11,729 --> 00:21:14,816

of two green things sucking

each other's shoulders.

00:21:15,650 --> 00:21:16,818

What is it, Chef?

00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:18,820

I don't know,

but something tells me

00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:20,863

this picture might be

very important, children.

00:21:20,989 --> 00:21:22,657

You should hang on to it.

00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:24,701

Attention, universe!

00:21:24,826 --> 00:21:25,952

Be sure to tune in next week

00:21:26,077 --> 00:21:28,079

for another exciting episode

of "Earth!"

00:21:28,204 --> 00:21:30,873

The Asians are really stewed

at the Russians.

00:21:30,999 --> 00:21:33,042

The zebras try to get along

with the buffalo.

00:21:33,167 --> 00:21:36,087

And Americans and Iraqis

have an all-out brawl!

00:21:36,212 --> 00:21:38,339

It's outrageous fun,

and it's all new!

00:21:38,464 --> 00:21:40,133

"Earth!" on FOGNL.

00:21:56,607 --> 00:21:58,693

♪ Let me

search it, gonna work it ♪

00:21:58,818 --> 00:22:00,486

[ Mumbling ]