Убить Санта-Клауса

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♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

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♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

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♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

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♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

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♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

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♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

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♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪

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♪ Timmy, Timmy,

liv-a-la, Timmy! ♪

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♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

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A-All right.

I-I'm done.

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You're done?

- Y-Yes.

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I-I've tallied up all the times

you've been naughty

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and deducted the times

you've been nice.

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Yeah.

So, how's it look?

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It doesn't look good, Eric.

It doesn't look good.

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But I'll still be getting

presents this year, right?

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A-Actually, it looks like,

this year,

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you're gonna owe Santa

306 presents.

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What?!

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4,312 instances of being naughty

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against three deductions

of being nice.

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It's -- It's just bad.

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Three? You didn't deduct

all my nice invoices.

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Look!

What about this one?

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Well, I didn't think

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"hitting Clyde in the balls

with slingshot"

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really counted as nice.

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It was nice for Token.

He laughed for like 20 minutes.

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Y-You can't deduct things

like that, Eric.

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Santa will know,

and he'll come after you.

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I have to get that Haibo

robot doll, you son of a bitch!

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Hey, I'm just your

naughty-and-nice accountant.

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Don't blame me for the numbers.

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Haven't you seen the Haibo doll?

It's like a pet -- a robot pet!

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You have to feed it and pet it,

or else it dies,

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and it's the coolest thing ever!

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Santa has to bring me one!

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W-Well, aren't there

any other nice things

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you've done recently

we can write off here?

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Uh...Oh!

I-I brushed my teeth last night.

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Brushing your teeth

isn't naughty or nice, Eric.

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It just -- It falls more

into the category

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of...brushing your teeth.

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There's still time

before Christmas.

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Can't I still make up for it?

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If you cured cancer

and AIDS next week,

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you would still owe

two presents.

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Jesus Christ!

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I-I'm afraid you're gonna

have to find a way to do

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the nicest, greatest thing

anyone has ever done...ever.

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Good evening, everyone.

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In a moment, we'll be lighting

the South Park Christmas tree

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to kick off the holidays!

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Christmas Tree! Christmas Tree!

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Hi, guys!

A very merry Christmas to you!

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God bless us, every one!

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What are you doing, Cartman?

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I'm just letting you guys know

how special you are to me.

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But now,

before we light the tree,

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I think we should all reflect

for a moment

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on those who are less fortunate

than us.

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Right now in Iraq,

there are children who fear us

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and what we might do

to their country.

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The threat of war

touches us all.

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But over in Iraq,

there is no Christmas.

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They have nothing.

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I hate when the mayor

uses Christmas

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for her own political agenda.

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Light the damn tree!

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Yeah!

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Christmas tree! Christmas Tree!

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Oh, my God. That's it.

- What's it?

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Don't you see?

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This time of year,

we should be bringing Christmas

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to the less fortunates!

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Follow me!

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You guys, come on!

Right now!

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All right.

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Here to light the Christmas tree

is a very special young man

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who shows us all the

true meaning of Christmas --

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Jimmy.

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Wow.

What a terrific audience.

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Thank you for giving me

this great honor, Mayor.

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B-Before I I-light the tree,

I was wondering if I could sing

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my favorite C-Christmas song

real quick?

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Aww!

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Well, we'd love a Christmas

song, wouldn't we, folks?

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Christmas songs! Christmas songs!

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All right.

H-Here it goes.

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♪ On the first day of C-C... ♪

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♪ Christmas, my true...

t-true -- true love ♪

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♪ Ga-Ga-Gave to m... ♪

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♪ M-M-M-M-Me ♪

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♪ A par-- a par-- par... ♪

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Oh, no.

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And here's some old toys

that I don't need anymore!

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And here -- here are

some Christmas cookies!

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And some holly and mistletoe!

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Oh, this will be

the happiest Christmas

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the Middle East has ever seen!

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Guys, get those lights down

from the door.

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We'll give them

to the needy Iraqis, too!

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Cartman, why are you doing this?

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They don't have Christmas there,

guys.

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We have to give it to them.

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That's a retarded idea

that won't work.

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Why are you really doing this?

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Howdy ho!

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Mr. Hankey!

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Oh, I hate

that stupid Christmas poo.

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Hello, Mr. Hankey!

A merry Christmas to you!

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Gee whiz! Things sure look

Christmasy out here!

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What are you boys doing?

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Cartman is trying

to bring Christmas to Iraq.

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The people of Iraq deserve

a good Christmas

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just like everyone else.

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Well, gosh, Eric.

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Looks like you really have

the Christmas spirit!

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I know someone who can help --

Santa Claus!

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Really?

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Really?

- Really?

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Sure! We should take this stuff

to him right away!

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But how are we gonna

get to the North Pole?

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Oh, that's no problem!

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We just need a little

Christmas magic!

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All aboard the Poo-Choo Express!

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Wow!

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Ooh, that smells.

- Yeah.

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Next stop -- the North Pole!

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Get the rest of the stuff,

you guys!

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I don't really want to

get on that.

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Me neither.

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We have to bring Christmas

to those less fortunates!

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Now come on!

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Let's go, Poo-Choo Train!

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Poo-Choo!

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♪ Poo-Choo Train's

laying down its tracks ♪

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♪ With a... ♪

Poo-Choo!

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♪ All the way and back ♪

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♪ Poo-Poo Train

is my favorite thing ♪

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♪ Spreading Christmas joy

as we ride and sing ♪

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Dude, what the hell

has gotten into Cartman?

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I don't know.

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♪ Christmastime

wouldn't be the same ♪

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♪ Without hugs and kisses

and a Poo-Choo Train ♪

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♪ And a p-partridge ♪

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♪ In a p-p-pear ♪

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♪ T-T-Tree ♪

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♪ On the third day of C-- ♪

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♪ C-Chri-- Chri-- ♪

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Here we are, kids --

the North Pole!

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Finally!

- God! It took forever!

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Wow!

Is that where Santa lives?

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That's it --

Santa's fortress of solitude!

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Mr. Hankey!

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We need to see Santa right away

on urgent Christmas business.

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Sure thing!

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Hey, aren't you guys

the Underpants Gnomes?

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Ten months out of the year.

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But this time of year,

we help Santa!

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Here he is!

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Ho ho ho!

Merry Christmas!

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Wow!

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Howdy ho, Santa!

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Mr. Hankey, how are you?

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All ready for Christmas?

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I was just starting

to look over

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the new naughty-and-nice list

the gnomes prepared for me.

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Oh. Are the tabulations

all closed off, then?

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Oh, no. They keep it open

until midnight of Christmas Eve.

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Some kids actually try to

cram in a lot of niceness

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right at the end.

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Oh, that's so lame of them.

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Santa, my friends

are trying to do something

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very special this Christmas.

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Tell him, Eric.

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Well, Santa,

it's just that I was thinking

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about all the people in Iraq who

are afraid we might bomb them.

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And I just thought,

well, maybe it wouldn't hurt

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to send them a little bit

of our Christmas spirit as well.

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You know, you're right.

00:07:09,263 --> 00:07:12,850

Santa hasn't been to that part

of the world in a long time.

00:07:12,975 --> 00:07:16,353

Perhaps Santa could bring peace

to this whole situation.

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That's what I thought.

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Gnomes, load up the sleigh

with toys!

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Santa's going to make

a special run!

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All right!

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And you boys can all watch me

from our flight-control room.

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Hooray!

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♪ And a p-p-partridge

in a p-pear tree ♪

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♪ On the f-fourth day

of C-C-C-Christmas ♪

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♪ My t-true love g-gave

to m-me ♪

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This is Santa's

flight-control center.

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From here, we can monitor Santa

from satellite

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as he travels the globe

delivering presents!

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Wow!

Cool!

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Hey, it looks like Santa's

already made it to Baghdad!

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Ho, ho, ho!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

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Ho, ho, ho!

A merry Christmas to all!

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Merry Christmas!

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I'm hit!

I'm hit!

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Sleigh is hit!

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I repeat -- Sleigh is hit!

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Instrument failure at 0600 feet!

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The sleigh is going down!

00:08:34,306 --> 00:08:35,182

Sleigh is going down.

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I repeat --

Sleigh is going down!

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Hang on, Santa!

00:08:38,060 --> 00:08:41,563

Sleigh 1 is going down.

He is going down.

00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:44,816

Scramble the ground troops

to stand by for deployment.

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01 down. 01 down.

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Repeat -- 01 down.

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We got a red sleigh down.

We got a red sleigh down.

00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:03,835

Red Sleigh 1,

this is North Pole.

00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:08,507

Red Sleigh 1,

this is North Pole.

00:09:08,632 --> 00:09:10,175

Mr. Kringle?

00:09:14,846 --> 00:09:17,391

Jesus Christ!

They killed him!

00:09:17,516 --> 00:09:20,602

No. Santa Claus can't be dead.

He -- He can't.

00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,771

Why would Iraqis do that?

Why?

00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:26,191

It certainly doesn't seem

very Christmasy of them.

00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:29,319

North Pole, this is Santa.

00:09:29,444 --> 00:09:30,946

Santa, are you all right?

00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:32,322

What is your status?

00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:34,408

Sleigh is down.

00:09:34,533 --> 00:09:37,202

Reindeer...all dead.

00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:40,122

Both Santa's legs are broken.

00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:42,749

Santa's...very sad.

00:09:42,874 --> 00:09:44,960

Santa will have to --

00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,211

Oh, no.

00:09:46,336 --> 00:09:47,629

They're coming for me!

00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:50,674

Stay back, you bastards!

Stay back!

00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:53,844

Oh, no.

00:09:53,969 --> 00:09:55,178

What are you gnomes

sitting there for?!

00:09:55,304 --> 00:09:56,221

You have to go rescue him!

00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:58,015

What the hell are we

supposed to do?

00:09:58,140 --> 00:09:59,349

We're like nine inches tall!

00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:02,686

Now I'm never gonna get

my Haibo robot doll!

00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:04,187

Is that what this is all about?!

00:10:04,313 --> 00:10:06,648

You came up with this whole idea

so you could get a stupid toy?!

00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:09,109

It's not stupid!

It's a toy that you can starve!

00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:11,278

If you don't feed it, it dies!

It's so cool!

00:10:11,403 --> 00:10:12,487

Well, good going, asshole.

00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:14,573

Thanks to you, there's not

gonna be any Christmas,

00:10:14,698 --> 00:10:16,700

and there's no one left

to help us!

00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:18,619

Oh, Christ.

00:10:18,744 --> 00:10:20,287

Jesus!

00:10:20,412 --> 00:10:23,790

Hey, that's right.

Jesus can save anybody!

00:10:23,915 --> 00:10:27,419

Follow me! You can take

Santa's backup sleigh!

00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:37,304

♪ On the f-f-fifth day

of C-C-Christmas ♪

00:10:37,429 --> 00:10:43,393

♪ My t-true love gave to m-me ♪

00:10:43,518 --> 00:10:47,230

♪ Five g-g-golden ♪

00:10:47,356 --> 00:10:50,692

♪ R-R-Ri...Rings ♪

00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:54,571

♪ Ba dum dum d-dum ♪

00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:57,949

♪ Four call...ing b-birds ♪

00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,663

We fed Jesus Christ's data

into the autopilot.

00:11:02,788 --> 00:11:04,873

The sleigh should be able

to take you right to him!

00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,209

I hope so, or else Santa Claus

is as good as dead.

00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,461

Here it is -- Red Sleigh 2.

00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:12,130

Come on, gang.

It's up to us to save Christmas!

00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:14,549

Tell Santa's workers

to keep making toys.

00:11:14,675 --> 00:11:16,510

We'll have Santa back

in no time!

00:11:19,221 --> 00:11:21,390

Uh, how -- how do we

start this thing?

00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:23,600

You just have to call out

the reindeer's names!

00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:24,518

Oh, yeah!

00:11:24,643 --> 00:11:26,186

On, Dasher, on, Prancer,

on, Comet --

00:11:26,311 --> 00:11:27,688

No! No!

They're all dead!

00:11:27,813 --> 00:11:29,898

You have to call out

the new ones!

00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:32,401

On, Steven, on, Fluffy,

on, Horace and Chantel!

00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:35,320

On, Skippy and Rainbow

and Patches and Montel!

00:11:38,699 --> 00:11:40,784

Good luck finding Jesus!

00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:45,288

Wow! Look, you guys!

We're riding in Santa's sleigh!

00:11:45,414 --> 00:11:47,457

We should be able to find Jesus

in no time!

00:11:47,582 --> 00:11:49,501

♪ I'm riding in Santa's sleigh ♪

00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:51,962

♪ So high above the trees

at Christmastime ♪

00:11:52,087 --> 00:11:53,630

♪ With candy-cane wishes

and smi-- ♪

00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:55,549

What are you doing?

00:11:55,674 --> 00:11:57,676

I'm having a precious

Christmastime moment, Kyle,

00:11:57,801 --> 00:11:58,510

if you don't mind.

00:11:58,635 --> 00:12:01,221

Singing a Christmas song isn't

gonna get you nice deductions.

00:12:01,346 --> 00:12:03,390

It's because of you that

Santa's sleigh got shot down!

00:12:03,515 --> 00:12:05,267

It isn't my fault that Iraqis

are filled with hate!

00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:07,102

All I'm saying is it's gonna

take a lot of singing

00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:09,354

to make up for that!

00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:11,690

♪ It's Christmas magic time

on Santa's sleigh ♪

00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:13,108

♪ So high in the sky ♪

00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,652

♪ Candy cane,

children's smiles ♪

00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:18,071

♪ Six geese a-laying ♪

00:12:19,114 --> 00:12:22,868

♪ F-Five gold r... ♪

00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:25,120

♪ R-Rings ♪

00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:30,375

♪ Ba dum dum d-d-d-dum ♪

00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:33,086

♪ F-Four calling b-birds ♪

00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:37,924

Where are you taking me?

00:12:41,136 --> 00:12:44,139

You are all being very naughty.

00:12:46,391 --> 00:12:48,769

Why you come to Iraq,

my main man?

00:12:49,644 --> 00:12:52,731

To bring happiness and joy

to the children.

00:12:52,856 --> 00:12:55,901

And this is -- this is

what you think brings happy?

00:12:56,026 --> 00:12:58,653

This is material.

This is commercialism.

00:12:58,779 --> 00:13:00,781

Your country is sick.

Sick.

00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:04,451

No, your country has just lost

all its Christmas spirit.

00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:06,661

What's going on here?

00:13:06,787 --> 00:13:08,872

America wants to bomb my house,

my main man.

00:13:08,997 --> 00:13:10,582

They want to kill my wife

and children.

00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:13,084

We need to know --

What is their plan?

00:13:13,210 --> 00:13:15,587

I don't know.

I live in the North Pole!

00:13:19,424 --> 00:13:21,051

What are you doing?

00:13:21,176 --> 00:13:22,969

They say that the Chinese

were the first

00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:25,430

to experiment with electroshock

to the testicles.

00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:28,809

Oh, no.

Not Santa's balls!

00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:39,528

What else is America planning?!

00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:43,448

I'm gonna fucking kill you!

00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:46,034

You're not in a position

to kill anyone, my main man.

00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:47,994

I just want you to tell me

America's plan.

00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:51,748

Then we're in for a long night,

because I don't know shit.

00:13:56,545 --> 00:13:59,422

In nome del mio padre,

siete guarito.

00:13:59,548 --> 00:14:02,217

Benedica, Jesus, benedica.

00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:05,470

Jesus, mio bambino

no puoi sentirsi.

00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:07,639

Il vostro bambino se arguisto.

00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:09,307

Bene, benedica!

00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:15,647

La morte rossa!

00:14:17,732 --> 00:14:20,110

Howdy ho!

00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:23,446

Jesus!

00:14:23,572 --> 00:14:25,365

Stan, Kyle, Mr. Hankey,

and Eric Cartman.

00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:27,033

What are you doing here,

my children?

00:14:27,158 --> 00:14:29,202

Jesus, Santa's sleigh

was shot down over Iraq!

00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:30,745

Santa?

Is he all right?

00:14:30,871 --> 00:14:32,706

We don't know.

They lost all contact with him.

00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:34,082

We have to get him out of there.

00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:35,292

Do you know a way?

00:14:35,417 --> 00:14:37,294

Yes.

Yes, I think I do.

00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,881

We need a little

Christmas miracle.

00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:48,013

Lock and load.

We're going in!

00:14:48,138 --> 00:14:53,101

♪ On the s-s-seventh day

of C-Christmas ♪

00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:55,353

♪ My t-true love ♪

00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:57,439

♪ G-G-G-G-G... ♪

00:15:00,942 --> 00:15:04,070

You. You're a sick

capitalist dog, my main man.

00:15:07,782 --> 00:15:10,285

This is Baghdad?

God. What a shithole.

00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:13,163

I mean oh, wow.

These poor, unfortunate people!

00:15:13,288 --> 00:15:14,998

Red Sleigh 2, come in.

- We're here!

00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:16,917

You're coming up on the source

of the signal.

00:15:17,042 --> 00:15:18,084

You're right on top of him!

00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:19,669

He must be in that building

below us.

00:15:19,794 --> 00:15:21,087

Land it on the roof, Mr. Hankey.

00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:23,673

Howdy ho, Jesus.

00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:31,097

Wait here.

I can handle this.

00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:35,435

Yea, look upon me and know me.

00:15:37,395 --> 00:15:39,981

My children,

you should know something --

00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:41,441

I'm packing.

00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:45,028

Let's go!

00:15:45,654 --> 00:15:48,907

This is such a magical

Christmas adventure, you guys.

00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:55,622

♪ On the el-- e-eleventh day

of C-Christmas ♪

00:15:55,747 --> 00:16:01,461

♪ My t-true love gave

to m-m-me ♪

00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:06,800

♪ E-Eleven p-p-p-pipers

p-p-piping ♪

00:16:06,925 --> 00:16:08,134

Drink it!

00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:09,427

Drink the oil!

00:16:09,552 --> 00:16:11,262

This is all

you Western capitalists want!

00:16:12,347 --> 00:16:14,516

Jesus Christ!

00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:20,271

Aah!

00:16:20,397 --> 00:16:23,316

Oh, thank -- thank God

for you, Jesus.

00:16:23,441 --> 00:16:24,359

Here.

Can you walk?

00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:26,695

Santa's legs are broken.

00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:28,154

They are healed.

00:16:37,038 --> 00:16:38,289

Santa.

00:16:38,415 --> 00:16:41,334

I just couldn't do it.

00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:45,422

I just couldn't let him live!

He shocked Santa's balls!

00:16:46,798 --> 00:16:48,425

More soldiers are coming!

00:16:48,550 --> 00:16:50,176

Let's move!

Move!

00:16:51,052 --> 00:16:55,223

♪ Eight m-maids a m-milking ♪

00:16:57,475 --> 00:16:59,561

Get up the stairs!

The sleigh is on the roof!

00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:00,854

Jesus!

Behind you!

00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:05,859

Jesus!

00:17:07,902 --> 00:17:09,904

No!

00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:13,324

Jesus?

00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:14,159

Jesus!

00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:18,788

D-Don't worry, Jesus.

It's nothing.

00:17:18,913 --> 00:17:20,749

It's just a scratch.

00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:23,752

You're a...bad liar.

00:17:24,335 --> 00:17:27,338

Hey, b-but we sure gave 'em

one hell of a fight, huh?

00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:29,215

We sure did, Jesus.

00:17:30,508 --> 00:17:32,719

Dude, this is pretty fucked up

right here.

00:17:32,844 --> 00:17:34,679

Santa?

- I'm here, Jesus.

00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:38,308

Don't -- Don't ever...

let them take away

00:17:38,433 --> 00:17:40,310

our -- our Christmas spirit.

00:17:44,189 --> 00:17:46,399

Oh, my God.

Iraqis killed Jesus.

00:17:46,524 --> 00:17:47,734

You bastards.

00:17:49,027 --> 00:17:51,488

Come on, kids!

00:17:53,948 --> 00:17:57,702

Get to the sleigh!

Get to the sleigh!

00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:03,208

Start the sleigh!

00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:06,377

Uh, on, Steven, on, Fluffy,

on, Horace and Chantel!

00:18:06,503 --> 00:18:08,046

Uh...

- On, Skippy and Rainbow

00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:09,339

and Patches and Montel!

00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:19,390

♪ Look at me ♪

00:18:19,516 --> 00:18:22,143

♪ I'm riding high

in Santa's sleigh ♪

00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:24,312

♪ It's a Christmas special time

for me ♪

00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:25,396

Oh, shut up, Cartman!

00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:27,649

Your sweet Christmas act

isn't fooling anybody!

00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:28,775

I-It's not an act, Kyle!

00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:30,819

All I wanted was

for these people to understand

00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:31,945

what Christmas means.

00:18:32,070 --> 00:18:33,446

You're right, kid.

00:18:34,906 --> 00:18:36,199

What are you doing, Santa?

00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:38,284

I came to bring Christmas

to Iraq,

00:18:38,409 --> 00:18:40,328

and, by God, I'm gonna do it!

00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:57,762

Ho ho ho!

Merry Christmas!

00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:07,147

RPG, 4:00!

00:19:14,112 --> 00:19:17,407

Boy, things are sure starting

to look Christmasy now!

00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:20,785

Merry Christmas!

Ho ho ho!

00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:31,337

Merry Christmas to all

and to all a good night!

00:19:31,462 --> 00:19:33,506

Ho ho ho ho ho!

00:19:35,258 --> 00:19:37,719

♪ And a p-p-partridge ♪

00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:43,224

♪ In a p-pear tree ♪

00:19:45,143 --> 00:19:46,936

That's it?

00:19:47,061 --> 00:19:49,147

That's it! The song's over!

We can light the tree!

00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:52,734

Oh, finally!

00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:56,362

Go on, Jimmy. There's only five

more seconds until Christmas.

00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:05,872

Christmas is ruined again!

00:20:06,956 --> 00:20:09,334

Ho ho ho!

00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:18,718

Stan!

- Kyle!

00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:20,720

Mom! Dad!

We rode in Santa's sleigh!

00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:21,804

We brought Christmas to Iraq!

00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:25,225

Everyone! Everyone, can I please

have your attention?

00:20:25,350 --> 00:20:27,852

Christmas is a very special time

of year,

00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:30,480

but this year,

it almost didn't happen.

00:20:30,605 --> 00:20:34,400

There's a man named Jesus

who gave his life to save me.

00:20:34,525 --> 00:20:38,321

And so I declare that,

every year on Christmas Day,

00:20:38,446 --> 00:20:41,491

we should remember Jesus

for what he did

00:20:41,616 --> 00:20:43,159

and thank him for it.

00:20:43,284 --> 00:20:45,745

From now on,

Christmas will be a day

00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:49,374

for remembering a brave man

named Jesus.

00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:54,587

Now, if you'll all excuse me,

I've got a lot of work to do.

00:20:54,712 --> 00:20:56,256

I'll help you, Santa!

00:20:56,381 --> 00:20:57,924

Oh, and boys...

00:20:58,049 --> 00:21:00,593

you might want to check

under the Christmas tree.

00:21:01,678 --> 00:21:05,682

Ho ho ho!

Merry Christmas!

00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:15,525

Wow! Look, you guys!

Santa got us all Haibo dolls!

00:21:15,650 --> 00:21:17,819

Aw, God damn it!

00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:20,071

Cartman, I thought all

you wanted was a Haibo doll!

00:21:20,196 --> 00:21:22,365

Yeah. But not if you guys

have one, too!

00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:23,992

Now it's worthless and gay!

00:21:24,117 --> 00:21:26,577

God damn it!

I'll never try to be nice again!

00:21:26,703 --> 00:21:29,455

All in all, I have to say this

was a pretty special Christmas.

00:21:29,580 --> 00:21:31,749

Rm mrph, mrph rmh rmphm?

- Oh, hey, Kenny.

00:21:31,874 --> 00:21:34,043

Dude, where have you been?

- Rm, mrph rmhmhm rmphm rmh.

00:21:34,168 --> 00:21:35,420

Come on! We got to

tell you what happened!

00:21:35,545 --> 00:21:36,587

I'm sure glad it's over with!

- Yeah.

00:21:36,713 --> 00:21:38,506

But I feel like things

are finally back to normal.

00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:39,424

Mrph!

00:21:42,427 --> 00:21:44,762

♪ Poo-Choo Train's

laying down its tracks ♪

00:21:44,887 --> 00:21:46,306

- ♪ With a... ♪

- Poo-choo!

00:21:46,431 --> 00:21:48,016

♪ All the way and back ♪

00:21:48,141 --> 00:21:50,643

♪ Poo-Poo Train

is my favorite thing ♪

00:21:50,768 --> 00:21:54,272

♪ Spreading Christmas joy

as we ride and sing ♪

00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:13,806

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:15,599

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:18,602

♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,604

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:20,730 --> 00:00:22,023

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

00:00:22,148 --> 00:00:25,317

♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,443 --> 00:00:27,111

♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪

00:00:27,236 --> 00:00:28,529

♪ Timmy, Timmy,

liv-a-la, Timmy! ♪

00:00:28,654 --> 00:00:32,491

♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:39,415

[ Calculator clicking ]

00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:41,000

A-All right.

I-I'm done.

00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:42,001

You're done?

- Y-Yes.

00:00:42,126 --> 00:00:43,836

I-I've tallied up all the times

you've been naughty

00:00:43,961 --> 00:00:45,337

and deducted the times

you've been nice.

00:00:45,463 --> 00:00:46,714

Yeah.

So, how's it look?

00:00:46,839 --> 00:00:48,924

It doesn't look good, Eric.

It doesn't look good.

00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:51,052

But I'll still be getting

presents this year, right?

00:00:51,177 --> 00:00:52,595

A-Actually, it looks like,

this year,

00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:55,681

you're gonna owe Santa

306 presents.

00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:56,265

What?!

00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:58,309

4,312 instances of being naughty

00:00:58,434 --> 00:01:00,061

against three deductions

of being nice.

00:01:00,186 --> 00:01:01,187

It's -- It's just bad.

00:01:01,312 --> 00:01:03,355

Three? You didn't deduct

all my nice invoices.

00:01:03,481 --> 00:01:04,690

Look!

What about this one?

00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:06,067

Well, I didn't think

00:01:06,192 --> 00:01:08,152

"hitting Clyde in the balls

with slingshot"

00:01:08,277 --> 00:01:09,361

really counted as nice.

00:01:09,487 --> 00:01:11,697

It was nice for Token.

He laughed for like 20 minutes.

00:01:11,822 --> 00:01:13,365

Y-You can't deduct things

like that, Eric.

00:01:13,491 --> 00:01:15,034

Santa will know,

and he'll come after you.

00:01:15,159 --> 00:01:17,411

I have to get that Haibo

robot doll, you son of a bitch!

00:01:17,536 --> 00:01:19,121

Hey, I'm just your

naughty-and-nice accountant.

00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:20,790

Don't blame me for the numbers.

00:01:20,915 --> 00:01:23,959

Haven't you seen the Haibo doll?

It's like a pet -- a robot pet!

00:01:24,085 --> 00:01:25,878

You have to feed it and pet it,

or else it dies,

00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:27,046

and it's the coolest thing ever!

00:01:27,171 --> 00:01:28,464

Santa has to bring me one!

00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:30,174

W-Well, aren't there

any other nice things

00:01:30,299 --> 00:01:31,717

you've done recently

we can write off here?

00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:34,428

Uh...Oh!

I-I brushed my teeth last night.

00:01:34,553 --> 00:01:36,806

Brushing your teeth

isn't naughty or nice, Eric.

00:01:36,931 --> 00:01:38,557

It just -- It falls more

into the category

00:01:38,682 --> 00:01:40,017

of...brushing your teeth.

00:01:40,142 --> 00:01:41,560

There's still time

before Christmas.

00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:43,354

Can't I still make up for it?

00:01:43,479 --> 00:01:45,940

If you cured cancer

and AIDS next week,

00:01:46,065 --> 00:01:47,650

you would still owe

two presents.

00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:48,776

Jesus Christ!

00:01:48,901 --> 00:01:51,195

I-I'm afraid you're gonna

have to find a way to do

00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:55,825

the nicest, greatest thing

anyone has ever done...ever.

00:01:57,201 --> 00:01:58,494

Good evening, everyone.

00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:01,455

In a moment, we'll be lighting

the South Park Christmas tree

00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:02,832

to kick off the holidays!

00:02:02,957 --> 00:02:06,961

[ Crowd cheering, chanting ]

Christmas Tree! Christmas Tree!

00:02:07,086 --> 00:02:09,672

Hi, guys!

A very merry Christmas to you!

00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:11,340

God bless us, every one!

00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:12,716

What are you doing, Cartman?

00:02:12,842 --> 00:02:14,718

I'm just letting you guys know

how special you are to me.

00:02:14,844 --> 00:02:16,220

But now,

before we light the tree,

00:02:16,345 --> 00:02:17,972

I think we should all reflect

for a moment

00:02:18,097 --> 00:02:20,015

on those who are less fortunate

than us.

00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:23,561

Right now in Iraq,

there are children who fear us

00:02:23,686 --> 00:02:25,104

and what we might do

to their country.

00:02:25,229 --> 00:02:26,939

The threat of war

touches us all.

00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:29,400

But over in Iraq,

there is no Christmas.

00:02:29,525 --> 00:02:30,526

They have nothing.

00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:32,194

I hate when the mayor

uses Christmas

00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:33,487

for her own political agenda.

00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:34,989

Light the damn tree!

00:02:35,114 --> 00:02:36,031

[All ]

Yeah!

00:02:36,157 --> 00:02:37,825

[ Crowd chanting ]

Christmas tree! Christmas Tree!

00:02:37,950 --> 00:02:39,660

Oh, my God. That's it.

- What's it?

00:02:39,785 --> 00:02:40,661

Don't you see?

00:02:40,786 --> 00:02:42,830

This time of year,

we should be bringing Christmas

00:02:42,955 --> 00:02:43,914

to the less fortunates!

00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:45,666

Follow me!

00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:48,085

You guys, come on!

Right now!

00:02:49,086 --> 00:02:49,587

All right.

00:02:49,712 --> 00:02:52,548

Here to light the Christmas tree

is a very special young man

00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:55,050

who shows us all the

true meaning of Christmas --

00:02:55,176 --> 00:02:56,093

Jimmy.

00:02:56,218 --> 00:02:58,470

[ Cheers and applause ]

00:02:58,596 --> 00:03:00,055

Wow.

What a terrific audience.

00:03:00,181 --> 00:03:01,807

Thank you for giving me

this great honor, Mayor.

00:03:01,932 --> 00:03:05,311

B-Before I I-light the tree,

I was wondering if I could sing

00:03:05,436 --> 00:03:08,189

my favorite C-Christmas song

real quick?

00:03:08,314 --> 00:03:09,315

[All ]

Aww!

00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:11,775

Well, we'd love a Christmas

song, wouldn't we, folks?

00:03:11,901 --> 00:03:14,612

[ Crowd chanting ]

Christmas songs! Christmas songs!

00:03:14,737 --> 00:03:17,448

All right.

H-Here it goes.

00:03:17,573 --> 00:03:21,952

♪ On the first day of C-C... ♪

00:03:22,077 --> 00:03:27,208

♪ Christmas, my true...

t-true -- true love ♪

00:03:27,333 --> 00:03:32,546

♪ Ga-Ga-Gave to m... ♪

00:03:32,671 --> 00:03:36,550

♪ M-M-M-M-Me ♪

00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:40,471

♪ A par-- a par-- par... ♪

00:03:40,596 --> 00:03:41,805

Oh, no.

00:03:42,765 --> 00:03:45,392

And here's some old toys

that I don't need anymore!

00:03:45,517 --> 00:03:47,519

And here -- here are

some Christmas cookies!

00:03:47,645 --> 00:03:48,771

And some holly and mistletoe!

00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:50,356

Oh, this will be

the happiest Christmas

00:03:50,481 --> 00:03:51,732

the Middle East has ever seen!

00:03:51,857 --> 00:03:53,317

Guys, get those lights down

from the door.

00:03:53,442 --> 00:03:55,152

We'll give them

to the needy Iraqis, too!

00:03:55,277 --> 00:03:56,403

Cartman, why are you doing this?

00:03:56,528 --> 00:03:57,821

They don't have Christmas there,

guys.

00:03:57,947 --> 00:03:58,906

We have to give it to them.

00:03:59,031 --> 00:04:00,532

That's a retarded idea

that won't work.

00:04:00,658 --> 00:04:01,575

Why are you really doing this?

00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:04,078

Howdy ho!

00:04:04,203 --> 00:04:07,456

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:08,832

Mr. Hankey!

00:04:08,958 --> 00:04:10,584

Oh, I hate

that stupid Christmas poo.

00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:13,629

Hello, Mr. Hankey!

A merry Christmas to you!

00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:16,548

Gee whiz! Things sure look

Christmasy out here!

00:04:16,674 --> 00:04:18,050

What are you boys doing?

00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:19,885

Cartman is trying

to bring Christmas to Iraq.

00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:21,637

The people of Iraq deserve

a good Christmas

00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:22,888

just like everyone else.

00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:24,431

Well, gosh, Eric.

00:04:24,556 --> 00:04:27,393

Looks like you really have

the Christmas spirit!

00:04:28,894 --> 00:04:32,398

I know someone who can help --

Santa Claus!

00:04:32,523 --> 00:04:33,065

Really?

00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:33,899

Really?

- Really?

00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:36,860

Sure! We should take this stuff

to him right away!

00:04:36,986 --> 00:04:38,696

But how are we gonna

get to the North Pole?

00:04:38,821 --> 00:04:40,322

Oh, that's no problem!

00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:43,242

We just need a little

Christmas magic!

00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:46,787

[ Rumbling ]

00:04:52,251 --> 00:04:55,170

All aboard the Poo-Choo Express!

00:04:55,296 --> 00:04:56,213

Wow!

00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:58,257

Ooh, that smells.

- Yeah.

00:04:58,382 --> 00:05:00,134

Next stop -- the North Pole!

00:05:00,259 --> 00:05:02,052

Get the rest of the stuff,

you guys!

00:05:02,177 --> 00:05:03,345

I don't really want to

get on that.

00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:04,179

Me neither.

00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:06,682

We have to bring Christmas

to those less fortunates!

00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:07,683

Now come on!

00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,643

Let's go, Poo-Choo Train!

00:05:09,768 --> 00:05:11,228

Poo-Choo!

00:05:11,353 --> 00:05:13,981

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

00:05:14,106 --> 00:05:16,483

♪ Poo-Choo Train's

laying down its tracks ♪

00:05:16,608 --> 00:05:18,027

♪ With a... ♪

Poo-Choo!

00:05:18,152 --> 00:05:19,737

♪ All the way and back ♪

00:05:19,862 --> 00:05:22,281

♪ Poo-Poo Train

is my favorite thing ♪

00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:25,534

♪ Spreading Christmas joy

as we ride and sing ♪

00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,244

Dude, what the hell

has gotten into Cartman?

00:05:27,369 --> 00:05:27,995

I don't know.

00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:31,665

♪ Christmastime

wouldn't be the same ♪

00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:35,669

♪ Without hugs and kisses

and a Poo-Choo Train ♪

00:05:35,794 --> 00:05:38,547

♪ And a p-partridge ♪

00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:41,967

♪ In a p-p-pear ♪

00:05:42,092 --> 00:05:45,804

♪ T-T-Tree ♪

00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:49,475

♪ On the third day of C-- ♪

00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,102

♪ C-Chri-- Chri-- ♪

00:05:52,227 --> 00:05:53,354

[ Bell clanging ]

00:05:53,479 --> 00:05:55,856

Here we are, kids --

the North Pole!

00:05:55,981 --> 00:05:58,567

[ Coughing ]

00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,861

Finally!

- God! It took forever!

00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:02,529

Wow!

Is that where Santa lives?

00:06:02,654 --> 00:06:07,159

That's it --

Santa's fortress of solitude!

00:06:07,284 --> 00:06:09,286

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:10,913

Mr. Hankey!

00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:14,666

We need to see Santa right away

on urgent Christmas business.

00:06:14,792 --> 00:06:16,502

Sure thing!

00:06:16,627 --> 00:06:18,295

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:20,381

Hey, aren't you guys

the Underpants Gnomes?

00:06:20,506 --> 00:06:21,632

Ten months out of the year.

00:06:21,757 --> 00:06:23,509

But this time of year,

we help Santa!

00:06:23,634 --> 00:06:24,885

Here he is!

00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:27,888

Ho ho ho!

Merry Christmas!

00:06:28,013 --> 00:06:29,014

[All ]

Wow!

00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:30,599

Howdy ho, Santa!

00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,351

Mr. Hankey, how are you?

00:06:32,476 --> 00:06:34,228

All ready for Christmas?

00:06:34,353 --> 00:06:35,938

I was just starting

to look over

00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:39,024

the new naughty-and-nice list

the gnomes prepared for me.

00:06:39,149 --> 00:06:42,277

Oh. Are the tabulations

all closed off, then?

00:06:42,403 --> 00:06:45,572

Oh, no. They keep it open

until midnight of Christmas Eve.

00:06:45,697 --> 00:06:48,700

Some kids actually try to

cram in a lot of niceness

00:06:48,826 --> 00:06:49,785

right at the end.

00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,995

Oh, that's so lame of them.

00:06:52,121 --> 00:06:54,164

Santa, my friends

are trying to do something

00:06:54,289 --> 00:06:56,041

very special this Christmas.

00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:57,126

Tell him, Eric.

00:06:57,251 --> 00:06:59,253

Well, Santa,

it's just that I was thinking

00:06:59,378 --> 00:07:01,713

about all the people in Iraq who

are afraid we might bomb them.

00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:04,466

And I just thought,

well, maybe it wouldn't hurt

00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:07,636

to send them a little bit

of our Christmas spirit as well.

00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,138

You know, you're right.

00:07:09,263 --> 00:07:12,850

Santa hasn't been to that part

of the world in a long time.

00:07:12,975 --> 00:07:16,353

Perhaps Santa could bring peace

to this whole situation.

00:07:16,478 --> 00:07:17,646

That's what I thought.

[ Chuckles ]

00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:20,065

Gnomes, load up the sleigh

with toys!

00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:22,443

Santa's going to make

a special run!

00:07:22,568 --> 00:07:23,652

All right!

00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:27,573

And you boys can all watch me

from our flight-control room.

00:07:27,698 --> 00:07:29,241

Hooray!

00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:34,538

♪ And a p-p-partridge

in a p-pear tree ♪

00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:40,169

♪ On the f-fourth day

of C-C-C-Christmas ♪

00:07:40,294 --> 00:07:45,257

♪ My t-true love g-gave

to m-me ♪

00:07:45,382 --> 00:07:46,758

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:07:46,884 --> 00:07:48,886

This is Santa's

flight-control center.

00:07:49,011 --> 00:07:51,430

From here, we can monitor Santa

from satellite

00:07:51,555 --> 00:07:53,891

as he travels the globe

delivering presents!

00:07:54,016 --> 00:07:54,975

Wow!

Cool!

00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:58,979

Hey, it looks like Santa's

already made it to Baghdad!

00:07:59,104 --> 00:08:02,983

Ho, ho, ho!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:05,527

[ Bells jingling ]

00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:08,489

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:13,076

Ho, ho, ho!

A merry Christmas to all!

00:08:13,202 --> 00:08:15,287

[ Speaking native language ]

00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:17,664

Merry Christmas!

00:08:17,789 --> 00:08:20,000

[ Ominous music plays ]

00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:21,919

[ Explosion, clattering ]

00:08:22,044 --> 00:08:23,754

I'm hit!

I'm hit!

00:08:23,879 --> 00:08:25,672

[Alarm blaring ]

Sleigh is hit!

00:08:25,797 --> 00:08:26,757

I repeat -- Sleigh is hit!

00:08:26,882 --> 00:08:29,259

Instrument failure at 0600 feet!

00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:31,970

[ Screaming ]

00:08:32,095 --> 00:08:34,181

The sleigh is going down!

00:08:34,306 --> 00:08:35,182

Sleigh is going down.

00:08:35,307 --> 00:08:36,767

I repeat --

Sleigh is going down!

00:08:36,892 --> 00:08:37,935

Hang on, Santa!

00:08:38,060 --> 00:08:41,563

Sleigh 1 is going down.

He is going down.

00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:44,816

Scramble the ground troops

to stand by for deployment.

00:08:44,942 --> 00:08:47,653

[ Screaming ]

00:08:49,154 --> 00:08:50,781

01 down. 01 down.

00:08:50,906 --> 00:08:53,116

Repeat -- 01 down.

00:08:53,242 --> 00:08:55,202

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:08:55,327 --> 00:08:58,580

We got a red sleigh down.

We got a red sleigh down.

00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:01,291

[Alarm blaring ]

00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:03,835

Red Sleigh 1,

this is North Pole.

00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:05,837

[ Click ]

00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:08,507

Red Sleigh 1,

this is North Pole.

00:09:08,632 --> 00:09:10,175

Mr. Kringle?

00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,721

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:09:14,846 --> 00:09:17,391

Jesus Christ!

They killed him!

00:09:17,516 --> 00:09:20,602

No. Santa Claus can't be dead.

He -- He can't.

00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,771

Why would Iraqis do that?

Why?

00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:26,191

It certainly doesn't seem

very Christmasy of them.

00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:29,319

North Pole, this is Santa.

00:09:29,444 --> 00:09:30,946

Santa, are you all right?

00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:32,322

What is your status?

00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:34,408

Sleigh is down.

00:09:34,533 --> 00:09:37,202

Reindeer...all dead.

00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:40,122

Both Santa's legs are broken.

00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:42,749

Santa's...very sad.

00:09:42,874 --> 00:09:44,960

[ Static ]

Santa will have to --

00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,211

Oh, no.

00:09:46,336 --> 00:09:47,629

They're coming for me!

00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:50,674

Stay back, you bastards!

Stay back!

00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:53,093

[ Click ]

00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:53,844

Oh, no.

00:09:53,969 --> 00:09:55,178

What are you gnomes

sitting there for?!

00:09:55,304 --> 00:09:56,221

You have to go rescue him!

00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:58,015

What the hell are we

supposed to do?

00:09:58,140 --> 00:09:59,349

We're like nine inches tall!

00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:02,686

Now I'm never gonna get

my Haibo robot doll!

00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:04,187

Is that what this is all about?!

00:10:04,313 --> 00:10:06,648

You came up with this whole idea

so you could get a stupid toy?!

00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:09,109

It's not stupid!

It's a toy that you can starve!

00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:11,278

If you don't feed it, it dies!

It's so cool!

00:10:11,403 --> 00:10:12,487

Well, good going, asshole.

00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:14,573

Thanks to you, there's not

gonna be any Christmas,

00:10:14,698 --> 00:10:16,700

and there's no one left

to help us!

00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:18,619

Oh, Christ.

[ Gasps ]

00:10:18,744 --> 00:10:20,287

Jesus!

00:10:20,412 --> 00:10:23,790

Hey, that's right.

Jesus can save anybody!

00:10:23,915 --> 00:10:27,419

Follow me! You can take

Santa's backup sleigh!

00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:32,591

[ Insects chirping ]

00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:37,304

♪ On the f-f-fifth day

of C-C-Christmas ♪

00:10:37,429 --> 00:10:43,393

♪ My t-true love gave to m-me ♪

00:10:43,518 --> 00:10:47,230

♪ Five g-g-golden ♪

00:10:47,356 --> 00:10:50,692

♪ R-R-Ri...Rings ♪

00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:54,571

♪ Ba dum dum d-dum ♪

00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:57,949

♪ Four call...ing b-birds ♪

00:10:58,075 --> 00:11:00,202

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,663

We fed Jesus Christ's data

into the autopilot.

00:11:02,788 --> 00:11:04,873

The sleigh should be able

to take you right to him!

00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,209

I hope so, or else Santa Claus

is as good as dead.

00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,461

Here it is -- Red Sleigh 2.

00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:12,130

Come on, gang.

It's up to us to save Christmas!

00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:14,549

Tell Santa's workers

to keep making toys.

00:11:14,675 --> 00:11:16,510

We'll have Santa back

in no time!

00:11:19,221 --> 00:11:21,390

Uh, how -- how do we

start this thing?

00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:23,600

You just have to call out

the reindeer's names!

00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:24,518

Oh, yeah!

00:11:24,643 --> 00:11:26,186

On, Dasher, on, Prancer,

on, Comet --

00:11:26,311 --> 00:11:27,688

No! No!

They're all dead!

00:11:27,813 --> 00:11:29,898

You have to call out

the new ones!

00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:32,401

On, Steven, on, Fluffy,

on, Horace and Chantel!

00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:35,320

On, Skippy and Rainbow

and Patches and Montel!

00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:38,573

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:11:38,699 --> 00:11:40,784

Good luck finding Jesus!

00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:42,994

[ Bells jingling ]

00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:45,288

Wow! Look, you guys!

We're riding in Santa's sleigh!

00:11:45,414 --> 00:11:47,457

We should be able to find Jesus

in no time!

00:11:47,582 --> 00:11:49,501

♪ I'm riding in Santa's sleigh ♪

00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:51,962

♪ So high above the trees

at Christmastime ♪

00:11:52,087 --> 00:11:53,630

♪ With candy-cane wishes

and smi-- ♪

00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:55,549

What are you doing?

00:11:55,674 --> 00:11:57,676

I'm having a precious

Christmastime moment, Kyle,

00:11:57,801 --> 00:11:58,510

if you don't mind.

00:11:58,635 --> 00:12:01,221

Singing a Christmas song isn't

gonna get you nice deductions.

00:12:01,346 --> 00:12:03,390

It's because of you that

Santa's sleigh got shot down!

00:12:03,515 --> 00:12:05,267

It isn't my fault that Iraqis

are filled with hate!

00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:07,102

All I'm saying is it's gonna

take a lot of singing

00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:09,354

to make up for that!

00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:11,690

♪ It's Christmas magic time

on Santa's sleigh ♪

00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:13,108

♪ So high in the sky ♪

00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,652

♪ Candy cane,

children's smiles ♪

00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:18,071

♪ Six geese a-laying ♪

00:12:19,114 --> 00:12:22,868

♪ F-Five gold r... ♪

00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:25,120

♪ R-Rings ♪

00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:30,375

♪ Ba dum dum d-d-d-dum ♪

00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:33,086

♪ F-Four calling b-birds ♪

00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:35,005

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

[ Gasps ]

00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:37,924

Where are you taking me?

[ Speaking native language ]

00:12:41,136 --> 00:12:44,139

You are all being very naughty.

00:12:46,391 --> 00:12:48,769

Why you come to Iraq,

my main man?

00:12:49,644 --> 00:12:52,731

To bring happiness and joy

to the children.

00:12:52,856 --> 00:12:55,901

And this is -- this is

what you think brings happy?

00:12:56,026 --> 00:12:58,653

This is material.

This is commercialism.

00:12:58,779 --> 00:13:00,781

Your country is sick.

Sick.

00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:04,451

No, your country has just lost

all its Christmas spirit.

00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:06,661

[ Fabric tears ]

What's going on here?

00:13:06,787 --> 00:13:08,872

America wants to bomb my house,

my main man.

00:13:08,997 --> 00:13:10,582

They want to kill my wife

and children.

00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:13,084

We need to know --

What is their plan?

00:13:13,210 --> 00:13:15,587

I don't know.

I live in the North Pole!

00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:18,173

[ Music continues ]

00:13:19,424 --> 00:13:21,051

[ Clicking, humming ]

What are you doing?

00:13:21,176 --> 00:13:22,969

They say that the Chinese

were the first

00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:25,430

to experiment with electroshock

to the testicles.

00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:28,809

Oh, no.

Not Santa's balls!

00:13:28,934 --> 00:13:31,937

[ Electricity crackling, Santa screaming ]

00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:37,150

[ Groaning, coughing ]

00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:39,528

What else is America planning?!

00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:41,029

[ Coughs, spits ]

00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:43,448

I'm gonna fucking kill you!

00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:46,034

You're not in a position

to kill anyone, my main man.

00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:47,994

I just want you to tell me

America's plan.

00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:51,748

Then we're in for a long night,

because I don't know shit.

00:13:51,873 --> 00:13:53,625

- [ Clicking, humming; Santa screaming ]

00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:56,419

[ Choir vocalizing ]

00:13:56,545 --> 00:13:59,422

In nome del mio padre,

siete guarito.

00:13:59,548 --> 00:14:02,217

Benedica, Jesus, benedica.

00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:05,470

Jesus, mio bambino

no puoi sentirsi.

00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:07,639

Il vostro bambino se arguisto.

00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:09,307

Bene, benedica!

00:14:09,432 --> 00:14:11,768

[ Boys screaming ]

00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:15,647

La morte rossa!

00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:17,607

[ Bells jingling ]

00:14:17,732 --> 00:14:20,110

Howdy ho!

00:14:20,235 --> 00:14:22,237

[All screaming ]

00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:23,446

Jesus!

00:14:23,572 --> 00:14:25,365

Stan, Kyle, Mr. Hankey,

and Eric Cartman.

00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:27,033

What are you doing here,

my children?

00:14:27,158 --> 00:14:29,202

Jesus, Santa's sleigh

was shot down over Iraq!

00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:30,745

Santa?

Is he all right?

00:14:30,871 --> 00:14:32,706

We don't know.

They lost all contact with him.

00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:34,082

We have to get him out of there.

00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:35,292

Do you know a way?

00:14:35,417 --> 00:14:37,294

Yes.

Yes, I think I do.

00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,881

We need a little

Christmas miracle.

00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:45,427

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:48,013

Lock and load.

We're going in!

00:14:48,138 --> 00:14:53,101

♪ On the s-s-seventh day

of C-Christmas ♪

00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:55,353

♪ My t-true love ♪

00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:57,439

♪ G-G-G-G-G... ♪

00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,691

- [ Electricity crackling; Santa screaming ]

00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:00,817

[ Groans, coughs ]

00:15:00,942 --> 00:15:04,070

You. You're a sick

capitalist dog, my main man.

00:15:04,195 --> 00:15:05,405

[ Screams ]

00:15:05,530 --> 00:15:07,657

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:15:07,782 --> 00:15:10,285

This is Baghdad?

God. What a shithole.

00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:13,163

I mean oh, wow.

These poor, unfortunate people!

00:15:13,288 --> 00:15:14,998

Red Sleigh 2, come in.

- We're here!

00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:16,917

You're coming up on the source

of the signal.

00:15:17,042 --> 00:15:18,084

You're right on top of him!

00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:19,669

He must be in that building

below us.

00:15:19,794 --> 00:15:21,087

Land it on the roof, Mr. Hankey.

00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:23,673

Howdy ho, Jesus.

00:15:23,798 --> 00:15:25,967

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:28,887

[ Gun cocks ]

[ Speaking native language ]

00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:31,097

Wait here.

I can handle this.

00:15:31,222 --> 00:15:33,141

[ Speaking native language ]

00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:35,435

Yea, look upon me and know me.

00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:37,270

[ Shouting in native language ]

00:15:37,395 --> 00:15:39,981

My children,

you should know something --

00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:41,441

I'm packing.

00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:43,735

[ Groaning, gunshots ]

00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:45,028

Let's go!

00:15:45,654 --> 00:15:48,907

This is such a magical

Christmas adventure, you guys.

00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:55,622

♪ On the el-- e-eleventh day

of C-Christmas ♪

00:15:55,747 --> 00:16:01,461

♪ My t-true love gave

to m-m-me ♪

00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:06,800

♪ E-Eleven p-p-p-pipers

p-p-piping ♪

00:16:06,925 --> 00:16:08,134

[ Groaning ]

Drink it!

00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:09,427

Drink the oil!

00:16:09,552 --> 00:16:11,262

This is all

you Western capitalists want!

00:16:12,347 --> 00:16:14,516

Jesus Christ!

00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:16,685

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:20,271

Aah!

00:16:20,397 --> 00:16:23,316

Oh, thank -- thank God

for you, Jesus.

00:16:23,441 --> 00:16:24,359

Here.

Can you walk?

00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:26,695

Santa's legs are broken.

00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:28,154

They are healed.

00:16:28,279 --> 00:16:30,156

[ Harp plays, choir vocalizing ]

00:16:30,281 --> 00:16:31,533

[ Gun cocks, grunting ]

00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:32,575

[ Whimpering ]

00:16:32,701 --> 00:16:34,744

[ Grunts ]

00:16:37,038 --> 00:16:38,289

Santa.

00:16:38,415 --> 00:16:41,334

I just couldn't do it.

00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:45,422

I just couldn't let him live!

He shocked Santa's balls!

00:16:45,547 --> 00:16:46,673

[Alarm blaring ]

00:16:46,798 --> 00:16:48,425

More soldiers are coming!

00:16:48,550 --> 00:16:50,176

Let's move!

Move!

00:16:51,052 --> 00:16:55,223

♪ Eight m-maids a m-milking ♪

00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:57,350

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

00:16:57,475 --> 00:16:59,561

Get up the stairs!

The sleigh is on the roof!

00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:00,854

Jesus!

Behind you!

00:17:01,479 --> 00:17:03,231

[ Gunshot ]

00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:05,859

[ Distorted voices ]

Jesus!

00:17:07,902 --> 00:17:09,904

No!

00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,573

[ Grunts ]

00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:13,324

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

Jesus?

00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:14,159

Jesus!

00:17:14,284 --> 00:17:16,578

[ Groaning ]

00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:18,788

D-Don't worry, Jesus.

It's nothing.

00:17:18,913 --> 00:17:20,749

It's just a scratch.

00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:23,752

You're a...bad liar.

00:17:24,335 --> 00:17:27,338

Hey, b-but we sure gave 'em

one hell of a fight, huh?

00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:29,215

We sure did, Jesus.

00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:30,383

[ Grunts ]

00:17:30,508 --> 00:17:32,719

Dude, this is pretty fucked up

right here.

00:17:32,844 --> 00:17:34,679

Santa?

- I'm here, Jesus.

00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:38,308

Don't -- Don't ever...

let them take away

00:17:38,433 --> 00:17:40,310

our -- our Christmas spirit.

00:17:40,435 --> 00:17:42,896

[ Groans ]

00:17:44,189 --> 00:17:46,399

Oh, my God.

Iraqis killed Jesus.

00:17:46,524 --> 00:17:47,734

You bastards.

00:17:47,859 --> 00:17:48,902

[ Men shouting ]

00:17:49,027 --> 00:17:51,488

Come on, kids!

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

00:17:51,613 --> 00:17:53,823

[ Screaming ]

00:17:53,948 --> 00:17:57,702

Get to the sleigh!

Get to the sleigh!

00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:03,208

Start the sleigh!

00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:06,377

Uh, on, Steven, on, Fluffy,

on, Horace and Chantel!

00:18:06,503 --> 00:18:08,046

Uh...

- On, Skippy and Rainbow

00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:09,339

and Patches and Montel!

00:18:09,464 --> 00:18:11,466

[ Music continues ]

00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:14,052

[ Guns clicking ]

00:18:14,177 --> 00:18:17,722

[ Gunfire ]

00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:19,390

♪ Look at me ♪

00:18:19,516 --> 00:18:22,143

♪ I'm riding high

in Santa's sleigh ♪

00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:24,312

♪ It's a Christmas special time

for me ♪

00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:25,396

Oh, shut up, Cartman!

00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:27,649

Your sweet Christmas act

isn't fooling anybody!

00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:28,775

I-It's not an act, Kyle!

00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:30,819

All I wanted was

for these people to understand

00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:31,945

what Christmas means.

00:18:32,070 --> 00:18:33,446

You're right, kid.

00:18:34,906 --> 00:18:36,199

What are you doing, Santa?

00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:38,284

I came to bring Christmas

to Iraq,

00:18:38,409 --> 00:18:40,328

and, by God, I'm gonna do it!

00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,622

[ Beep, whirring ]

00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:49,254

[ Indistinct shouting ]

00:18:49,379 --> 00:18:52,757

[ "Joy to the World" plays ]

00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:57,762

Ho ho ho!

Merry Christmas!

00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:07,147

[ Speaking native language ]

RPG, 4:00!

00:19:07,272 --> 00:19:09,315

[ Music continues ]

00:19:14,112 --> 00:19:17,407

Boy, things are sure starting

to look Christmasy now!

00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:20,785

Merry Christmas!

Ho ho ho!

00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:31,337

Merry Christmas to all

and to all a good night!

00:19:31,462 --> 00:19:33,506

Ho ho ho ho ho!

00:19:35,258 --> 00:19:37,719

♪ And a p-p-partridge ♪

00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:43,224

♪ In a p-pear tree ♪

00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:45,018

[ Insects chirping ]

00:19:45,143 --> 00:19:46,936

That's it?

00:19:47,061 --> 00:19:49,147

That's it! The song's over!

We can light the tree!

00:19:49,272 --> 00:19:51,399

[ Crowd cheering ]

00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:52,734

Oh, finally!

00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:56,362

Go on, Jimmy. There's only five

more seconds until Christmas.

00:19:57,322 --> 00:19:59,741

[ Electricity crackling ]

00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:01,534

[ Pop, glass shatters ]

00:20:01,659 --> 00:20:03,661

[ Crowd groans ]

00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:05,872

Christmas is ruined again!

00:20:05,997 --> 00:20:06,831

[ Bells jingling ]

00:20:06,956 --> 00:20:09,334

Ho ho ho!

00:20:09,459 --> 00:20:12,253

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:15,715

[ Crowd cheering ]

00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:18,718

Stan!

- Kyle!

00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:20,720

Mom! Dad!

We rode in Santa's sleigh!

00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:21,804

We brought Christmas to Iraq!

00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:25,225

Everyone! Everyone, can I please

have your attention?

00:20:25,350 --> 00:20:27,852

Christmas is a very special time

of year,

00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:30,480

but this year,

it almost didn't happen.

00:20:30,605 --> 00:20:34,400

There's a man named Jesus

who gave his life to save me.

00:20:34,525 --> 00:20:38,321

And so I declare that,

every year on Christmas Day,

00:20:38,446 --> 00:20:41,491

we should remember Jesus

for what he did

00:20:41,616 --> 00:20:43,159

and thank him for it.

00:20:43,284 --> 00:20:45,745

From now on,

Christmas will be a day

00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:49,374

for remembering a brave man

named Jesus.

00:20:49,499 --> 00:20:51,125

[ Crowd cheering ]

00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:54,587

Now, if you'll all excuse me,

I've got a lot of work to do.

00:20:54,712 --> 00:20:56,256

I'll help you, Santa!

00:20:56,381 --> 00:20:57,924

Oh, and boys...

00:20:58,049 --> 00:21:00,593

you might want to check

under the Christmas tree.

00:21:01,678 --> 00:21:05,682

Ho ho ho!

Merry Christmas!

00:21:08,059 --> 00:21:10,103

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:15,525

Wow! Look, you guys!

Santa got us all Haibo dolls!

00:21:15,650 --> 00:21:17,819

Aw, God damn it!

00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:20,071

Cartman, I thought all

you wanted was a Haibo doll!

00:21:20,196 --> 00:21:22,365

Yeah. But not if you guys

have one, too!

00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:23,992

Now it's worthless and gay!

00:21:24,117 --> 00:21:26,577

God damn it!

I'll never try to be nice again!

00:21:26,703 --> 00:21:29,455

All in all, I have to say this

was a pretty special Christmas.

00:21:29,580 --> 00:21:31,749

Rm mrph, mrph rmh rmphm?

- Oh, hey, Kenny.

00:21:31,874 --> 00:21:34,043

Dude, where have you been?

- Rm, mrph rmhmhm rmphm rmh.

00:21:34,168 --> 00:21:35,420

Come on! We got to

tell you what happened!

00:21:35,545 --> 00:21:36,587

I'm sure glad it's over with!

- Yeah.

00:21:36,713 --> 00:21:38,506

But I feel like things

are finally back to normal.

00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:39,424

Mrph!

00:21:39,549 --> 00:21:42,302

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

00:21:42,427 --> 00:21:44,762

♪ Poo-Choo Train's

laying down its tracks ♪

00:21:44,887 --> 00:21:46,306

- ♪ With a... ♪

- Poo-choo!

00:21:46,431 --> 00:21:48,016

♪ All the way and back ♪

00:21:48,141 --> 00:21:50,643

♪ Poo-Poo Train

is my favorite thing ♪

00:21:50,768 --> 00:21:54,272

♪ Spreading Christmas joy

as we ride and sing ♪

00:21:54,397 --> 00:21:57,108

[ Music continues ]