Я и моё будущее

00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:13,889

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:15,683

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,808 --> 00:00:18,602

♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,688

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:20,813 --> 00:00:22,106

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

00:00:22,231 --> 00:00:25,401

♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,194

♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪

00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:28,612

♪ Timmy, Timmy,

liv-a-la, Timmy! ♪

00:00:28,738 --> 00:00:32,533

♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:41,751

Throw it away, Clyde.

00:00:41,876 --> 00:00:43,669

I'm not gonna touch it.

You throw it away.

00:00:43,794 --> 00:00:44,670

What's going on?

00:00:44,795 --> 00:00:46,589

Some high schoolers left

a marijuana cigarette behind.

00:00:46,714 --> 00:00:48,674

We have to throw it away

before some kids find it.

00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:50,676

So throw it away.

- Nobody wants to touch it.

00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:52,136

What if the residue

gets on our hands

00:00:52,261 --> 00:00:54,263

and it leads to harder drugs,

like those commercials say?

00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:55,806

Didn't you see that commercial

where it says

00:00:55,931 --> 00:00:57,558

if you have pot,

you can become a terrorist?

00:00:57,683 --> 00:00:59,143

And the commercial

where two kids have pot

00:00:59,268 --> 00:01:00,936

and the one kid

shoots the other -- harmless?

00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:02,897

Those commercials

are just exaggerations.

00:01:03,022 --> 00:01:03,731

How do you know?

00:01:03,856 --> 00:01:05,357

None of us have ever had

any drugs before.

00:01:05,483 --> 00:01:07,443

Well, I did ecstasy once.

00:01:08,444 --> 00:01:09,695

Me and my girlfriend took it,

00:01:09,820 --> 00:01:12,406

and we stayed up all night

having s-s-sex.

00:01:13,532 --> 00:01:15,409

Where did you have sex with her?

00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:18,788

In her v-v-vagina.

00:01:20,372 --> 00:01:22,750

Thank you. Thank you.

What a terrific audience.

00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:24,794

It's just a stupid plant

that makes you dumb.

00:01:24,919 --> 00:01:25,961

Touching it won't hurt you.

00:01:26,087 --> 00:01:27,963

Then you throw it away,

smart ass.

00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:29,757

Fine.

I will.

00:01:35,179 --> 00:01:36,514

There. See?

I touched marijuana.

00:01:36,639 --> 00:01:38,224

I'm not a terrorist,

I didn't shoot anybody,

00:01:38,349 --> 00:01:39,892

and I don't feel like

doing more drugs now.

00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:41,727

No big deal.

00:01:46,482 --> 00:01:49,527

You kids fucking don't fuck

around with your fucking mom!

00:01:49,652 --> 00:01:52,488

Dad, we fucking can't!

The be-da-feh-ka-fuck.

00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:54,865

Stan, what did I tell you

about watching "The Osbournes"?

00:01:54,990 --> 00:01:55,950

Oh, come on, Mom!

00:01:56,075 --> 00:01:58,577

It's going to make you retarded.

00:01:58,702 --> 00:01:59,578

It's just a show!

00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:01,705

It doesn't have any fucking

effect on me, for fuck's sake!

00:02:01,831 --> 00:02:03,916

Oh, goody.

Now we can watch the news.

00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:06,168

In other news, South Park

police are still looking

00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:08,921

for a crazy man who terrorized

the town one hour ago.

00:02:09,046 --> 00:02:10,506

The man claimed to be

from the future

00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:12,216

and ran naked

through the city streets,

00:02:12,341 --> 00:02:15,761

screaming, "The past! The past!

Oh, my God! It's the past!"

00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:18,764

Which is what one would expect

someone from the future to yell.

00:02:22,143 --> 00:02:24,812

Oh, my God!

It's the past!

00:02:25,604 --> 00:02:27,815

Oh, whoa, man!

It's you!

00:02:27,940 --> 00:02:28,858

Who are you?

00:02:28,983 --> 00:02:31,569

It's me, Mom!

Your son -- Stan!

00:02:35,156 --> 00:02:36,031

Who is it, Sharon?

00:02:36,157 --> 00:02:37,825

Dad!

- Dad?

00:02:37,950 --> 00:02:40,119

Look, we don't know you,

and you don't know us.

00:02:40,244 --> 00:02:41,704

Just go away

before we call the police.

00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:43,038

Who the fuck is it,

Mom and Dad?

00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:45,708

No way!

It's me from the past!

00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:46,959

I'm me from the past?

00:02:47,084 --> 00:02:48,919

No.

I'm you from the future.

00:02:49,044 --> 00:02:51,005

Oh, man.

This is so messed up.

00:02:51,130 --> 00:02:52,464

Okay.

We've had enough.

00:02:52,590 --> 00:02:53,757

Your name's Randy Marsh.

00:02:53,883 --> 00:02:56,343

You're a geologist,

and you don't like chicken.

00:02:56,468 --> 00:02:57,970

Mom, your maiden name is Kimble,

00:02:58,095 --> 00:02:59,972

and you have a scar

on your left knee

00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:02,141

from when you slipped

in the swimming pool.

00:03:02,266 --> 00:03:03,934

Randy, what's going on?

00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:05,311

I don't know.

00:03:05,436 --> 00:03:07,813

Dude, just let me talk to you

for like five minutes.

00:03:07,938 --> 00:03:09,648

After that, I'll bail.

00:03:12,443 --> 00:03:14,862

I can still remember

when I was 5

00:03:14,987 --> 00:03:17,823

and you both found that squirrel

I'd been keeping in the closet

00:03:17,948 --> 00:03:20,159

and you let me keep it

for another week,

00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:21,202

and then it ran away.

00:03:21,327 --> 00:03:22,870

But I know

that's just what you told me.

00:03:22,995 --> 00:03:24,830

I knew Mom had actually

let it out.

00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:26,999

How could he possibly know

all that?

00:03:27,124 --> 00:03:30,169

Unless...he is our son

from the future.

00:03:30,294 --> 00:03:32,922

But why are you back

in this time with us, son?

00:03:33,047 --> 00:03:34,215

I have no idea, man.

00:03:34,340 --> 00:03:35,674

I was just about to go to sleep

00:03:35,799 --> 00:03:37,509

in an alley

behind the crack house.

00:03:37,635 --> 00:03:39,386

I shot up a little heroin,

00:03:39,511 --> 00:03:41,513

and then this electrical storm

started.

00:03:41,639 --> 00:03:44,683

Next thing I knew, I was running

around in my own past, man.

00:03:44,808 --> 00:03:46,268

I thought I was just tripping,

00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:48,687

but then I came down,

and I was still here.

00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:51,106

Oh, dude, it's so bizarre!

00:03:51,232 --> 00:03:53,484

Oh, dude, I should've

never touched that marijuana.

00:03:53,609 --> 00:03:56,111

Stan, whatever has happened,

we're going to help you.

00:03:56,237 --> 00:03:58,948

That's right. We're a family,

no matter what time shift.

00:03:59,073 --> 00:04:00,616

Thanks.

Could I get another beer?

00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:02,910

You must be exhausted.

Why don't you get some sleep?

00:04:03,035 --> 00:04:05,204

That'd be killer.

Where can I crash?

00:04:05,329 --> 00:04:07,039

I'm sure Stan

wouldn't mind sharing his room,

00:04:07,164 --> 00:04:08,374

would you, Stan?

- What?!

00:04:08,499 --> 00:04:10,334

I have to share my room

with my future self?!

00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:11,460

Oh, no!

00:04:13,337 --> 00:04:15,381

♪ Here we are, face-to-face ♪

00:04:15,506 --> 00:04:17,132

♪ My future self 'n' me ♪

00:04:17,258 --> 00:04:18,676

Stop it.

♪ So much alike ♪

00:04:18,801 --> 00:04:19,969

♪ And yet so different ♪

No.

00:04:20,094 --> 00:04:22,054

♪ One of us messy,

the other one clean ♪

00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:24,056

♪ Gettin' along

isn't always easy ♪

00:04:24,181 --> 00:04:26,350

♪ Sometimes we disagree ♪

Quit it.

00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:28,435

♪ But in the end, we know

we're good for each other ♪

00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:29,478

♪ Two peas in a pod ♪

00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:32,189

♪ Future self 'n' me ♪

00:04:32,314 --> 00:04:34,525

♪ Future self 'n' me ♪

00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:37,111

♪ Future self 'n' ♪

00:04:37,236 --> 00:04:39,738

♪ 'N' me ♪

00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:40,739

Hey, guys.

00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:41,573

Hey.

- Hey.

00:04:41,699 --> 00:04:43,325

Whoa!

Kyle and Cartman!

00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,286

It's so cool to see you guys!

00:04:45,411 --> 00:04:46,912

Who's this asshole?

- This is my future self.

00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:48,580

He came during

the electrical storm last night

00:04:48,706 --> 00:04:49,790

and is caught in a time matrix.

00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:51,041

He's me when I'm 32.

00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:52,167

Wow.

That's pretty cool.

00:04:52,293 --> 00:04:53,585

But how does he know our names?

00:04:53,711 --> 00:04:55,337

'Cause, R-tard,

he's Stan from the future.

00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:56,588

He knows everything Stan knows.

00:04:56,714 --> 00:04:58,007

Oh.

Wait.

00:04:58,132 --> 00:05:00,342

Stan becomes this douchebag?

- Yeah.

00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:03,262

I spent a lot of my teenage

years on a slow downward spiral

00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:05,431

experimenting with drugs

and alcohol.

00:05:07,599 --> 00:05:09,059

Shut up, Cartman!

00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:10,811

That is so awesome!

00:05:10,936 --> 00:05:13,355

Thank you, God!

Oh, praise God!

00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,107

Hey, what happens to me

in the future?

00:05:15,232 --> 00:05:15,983

Oh, I don't know.

00:05:16,108 --> 00:05:18,319

You guys stayed away from drugs,

so you were okay.

00:05:18,444 --> 00:05:19,903

I just lost touch with you

00:05:20,029 --> 00:05:22,781

after I was sent to juvie hall

in 2006.

00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:24,950

Juvie hall!

00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:27,494

Stan's a loser!

Stan's a loser!

00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:29,038

God damn it.

00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:32,750

Thanks for staying after school

and tutoring me, Butters.

00:05:32,875 --> 00:05:34,126

Well, sure thing, Stan.

00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:36,378

But how come you care about

schoolwork all of a sudden?

00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:38,130

I told you,

I can't stand my future self!

00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:40,591

I have to do whatever I can

to not become a loser like him.

00:05:40,716 --> 00:05:44,053

Well, studying is the golden key

to the imposing door of success.

00:05:44,178 --> 00:05:46,263

I can't stand having my

future self around all the time.

00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:47,431

It's driving me crazy!

00:05:47,556 --> 00:05:49,099

Maybe if I get smarter,

I won't become him

00:05:49,224 --> 00:05:50,476

and I won't have to share

my room.

00:05:50,601 --> 00:05:51,518

I know what you mean.

00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:53,395

I hate having

my future self around, too.

00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,105

Yeah.

It's like everything I do, he --

00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:56,315

Wait a minute.

What did you say?

00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:57,775

I said I know how you feel.

00:05:57,900 --> 00:05:59,318

My life has gone

completely downhill

00:05:59,443 --> 00:06:00,861

ever since my future self

moved in.

00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:01,904

I hate him.

00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:03,614

All he ever wants to do

is watch "Becker,"

00:06:03,739 --> 00:06:06,492

and that show is so stupid.

00:06:06,617 --> 00:06:08,452

Dude, how long has

your future self been around?

00:06:08,577 --> 00:06:10,788

Oh, I guess it's been

about four months now.

00:06:10,913 --> 00:06:11,872

Four months?!

00:06:11,997 --> 00:06:12,873

You never told anybody

00:06:12,998 --> 00:06:14,625

you were living with yourself

from the future?

00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:15,959

Nobody asked.

00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:17,127

Where is he now?

00:06:17,252 --> 00:06:18,629

Probably watching "Becker".

00:06:20,422 --> 00:06:21,465

My name is T. Becker.

00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:23,008

The "T" stands for "terrific."

00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,805

See? Here he is --

future Butters.

00:06:27,930 --> 00:06:29,306

Future self,

this is my good friend --

00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:30,349

Stan!

00:06:30,474 --> 00:06:31,642

Sure, I remember you!

00:06:31,767 --> 00:06:33,977

Yep. Wearing that puffball hat,

like always.

00:06:34,103 --> 00:06:34,978

Oh, hello, boys.

00:06:35,104 --> 00:06:37,147

Future Butters, it's time

to take your liver medicine.

00:06:37,272 --> 00:06:38,148

Liver medicine?

00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:39,942

Yeah. My future self

has a bad kidney

00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,027

from all the drinking he did

in high school.

00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:43,779

I need to learn

to behave myself.

00:06:44,988 --> 00:06:47,741

Hey, where you going, Stan?

00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:51,662

All right. Where's

that son of a bitch's wallet?

00:06:51,787 --> 00:06:53,580

W-What are you looking for,

huh, Stan?

00:06:53,705 --> 00:06:55,457

Don't you think it's

a little bit of a coincidence

00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:57,501

that both your future self

and my future self

00:06:57,626 --> 00:06:59,253

got caught in

a mexterdexed time plane?

00:06:59,378 --> 00:07:01,380

We both got the same teacher

for homeroom, too.

00:07:01,505 --> 00:07:02,798

You didn't say anything then.

00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:05,008

Here it is.

There has to be something --

00:07:05,134 --> 00:07:06,176

Wait.

What's this?

00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:07,845

This expires in 2002.

00:07:07,970 --> 00:07:09,221

Why would he have this

in his wallet?

00:07:09,346 --> 00:07:12,224

I don't follow.

- 3451 Colfax Avenue.

00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:13,392

Come on, Butters!

- Ooh!

00:07:13,517 --> 00:07:15,644

Are we off on an adventure?

00:07:21,984 --> 00:07:23,986

Here it is -- Motivation Corp.

00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:29,491

I don't think we're

supposed to go in there, Stan.

00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,326

Maybe we should go adventuring

somewhere else.

00:07:31,452 --> 00:07:32,578

Part of being on an adventure

00:07:32,703 --> 00:07:34,204

is you go places

you're not supposed to go!

00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:37,207

Oh! Well, you're good

at adventuring, huh, Stan?

00:07:45,591 --> 00:07:46,717

What the hell is going on here?

00:07:46,842 --> 00:07:48,260

It should take about a month

00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:50,387

to achieve the results you want.

00:07:50,512 --> 00:07:51,972

Well, Mr. And Mrs. Brooks,

00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:54,266

I think you're gonna be

very pleased with the results.

00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:55,392

We sure hope so.

00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:57,936

We just don't know how to talk

to our son about drugs.

00:07:58,061 --> 00:07:59,438

Well, now you won't have to.

00:07:59,563 --> 00:08:01,690

Ah. Here he is.

This is Josh Cashner.

00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,734

He'll be playing the role

of your future son.

00:08:03,859 --> 00:08:06,069

Nice to meet you, "Mom and Dad."

00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:10,073

My goodness. He does look

a little like Kevin.

00:08:10,199 --> 00:08:12,034

Yes, and he knows all

your family history

00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:13,577

and every detail of your house.

00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:16,413

And he's worked up

quite a future for your son.

00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:18,499

I'm going to tell him

that I dropped out of school

00:08:18,624 --> 00:08:20,083

and went to prison

for eight years,

00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:22,669

where I was sodomized --

in the ass!

00:08:22,794 --> 00:08:25,255

Ooh. That should get Kevin

to stay clear of drugs.

00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:26,465

It sure should!

00:08:26,590 --> 00:08:29,176

So we'll put the fake news

report out on Tuesday night.

00:08:29,301 --> 00:08:31,637

Make sure your son is watching

the Channel 4 news.

00:08:31,762 --> 00:08:34,306

Oh, and that's when you'll fake

the electrical storm as well?

00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:36,266

Motivation Corp

takes care of everything.

00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:39,102

Just follow these simple scripts

when your actor arrives.

00:08:39,228 --> 00:08:41,271

"Listen to me, you crazy person.

00:08:41,396 --> 00:08:43,273

There's no way you can be

from the future."

00:08:43,398 --> 00:08:44,983

Oh, this is going to be fun!

00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:47,486

I can't believe it.

It's all a scam!

00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:48,779

Yeah.

I can't believe it!

00:08:48,904 --> 00:08:50,489

They've all been lying to us

this whole time!

00:08:50,614 --> 00:08:51,573

This whole time!

00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:54,701

I wonder if my future self

knows anything about this.

00:08:57,454 --> 00:08:59,540

Hey, maybe my future self

remembers this happening

00:08:59,665 --> 00:09:01,208

a-and can shed some light

on the subject.

00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:02,417

Butters, don't you get it?!

00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:04,002

Those assholes

aren't our future selves!

00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:06,129

Our parents hired them

to make us more motivated!

00:09:06,255 --> 00:09:08,298

But then why did they come back

to the past?

00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:10,467

They didn't come back

to the past, you dumb-ass!

00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:12,678

They're actors!

- Oh.

00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:14,388

Oh.

00:09:14,513 --> 00:09:15,722

But that's like they're lying.

00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:16,932

It is lying, Butters.

00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,934

Your parents lied to you,

and my parents lied to me!

00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:19,935

Get it?!

00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,895

Oh!

That makes me angry!

00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:24,856

Why, if Professor Chaos were

here, he'd make everyone pay!

00:09:24,982 --> 00:09:25,774

Who's that?

00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,192

You know -- Professor Chaos,

00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:28,860

bringer of destruction

and disorder!

00:09:28,986 --> 00:09:30,487

What?

- Follow me back home, Stan.

00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:33,824

It's time I let you in

on a horrible secret.

00:09:36,368 --> 00:09:37,536

Wait right here, Stan.

00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:40,664

I warn you, you may not like

what you're about to see.

00:09:41,999 --> 00:09:43,500

We have to teach our parents

a lesson,

00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:46,503

show them they can't just play

with our emotions like that.

00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:51,508

Now you know my terrible secret!

00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:52,676

You're gay?

00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:54,553

It's fine if you're gay,

Butters. I don't care.

00:09:54,678 --> 00:09:56,346

Huh? No. I'm Professor Chaos.

I --

00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:57,931

We have to teach our parents

a lesson.

00:09:58,056 --> 00:09:58,932

We're running away.

00:09:59,057 --> 00:10:01,143

Help me find the perfect place

to run away to.

00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:05,564

Mm. Uh, maybe I used

a little too much silver.

00:10:09,151 --> 00:10:10,777

How about this?

"Winter Park."

00:10:10,902 --> 00:10:12,029

It looks kind of nice.

00:10:12,154 --> 00:10:13,905

No. We got to run away

somewhere warm.

00:10:14,031 --> 00:10:15,282

Oh, look at this, Stan.

00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:16,617

"Are you sick of your parents?

00:10:16,742 --> 00:10:18,660

Do you want revenge for

something they've done to you?

00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:21,121

Call the Parental Revenge Center

of Western America

00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:22,873

for a free consultation.

00:10:22,998 --> 00:10:24,207

Results guaranteed."

00:10:24,333 --> 00:10:26,376

Dude, I didn't know

there was such a thing!

00:10:26,501 --> 00:10:28,128

Hey, look.

Somebody lost their cat.

00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:28,962

Uh, hi.

00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:31,715

Is this the Parental Revenge

Center of Western America?

00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,300

I'm really pissed off

at my parents,

00:10:33,425 --> 00:10:35,510

and I want to impose swift

and horrible revenge upon them.

00:10:35,636 --> 00:10:37,846

Look. You can make your wiener

bigger in just three weeks.

00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:40,724

Oh, really? Okay.

Where are you located, please?

00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:43,185

Great.

Um, can I come by tomorrow?

00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,437

This lady will come

and massage your wiener for $95.

00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:46,605

That's a pretty good deal.

00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:48,023

11:00 is great.

Thank you.

00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,024

That was easy!

00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,108

I just go to their office

00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:52,110

and they'll help me figure out

how to get back at my parents.

00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:54,321

I want to get revenge

on my douchebag parents, too!

00:10:54,446 --> 00:10:56,281

Fine. You can come with me.

- Hooray!

00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:57,991

And then we can

make our wieners bigger

00:10:58,116 --> 00:10:59,576

and have a lady massage 'em.

00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:06,750

I guess this is it.

00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:13,423

Uh, hello? We're here about

the revenge on our parents.

00:11:13,548 --> 00:11:15,717

Yes.

Come in, please.

00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:16,551

Cartman?!

00:11:16,677 --> 00:11:18,720

Oh! Stan! Butters!

I didn't know it was you guys.

00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:19,846

What the hell

are you doing here?

00:11:19,971 --> 00:11:22,015

I'm running a business, Stan.

Are you my 11:00?

00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:24,434

You're the Parental Revenge

Center of Western America?

00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:25,936

I knew this was too good

to be true.

00:11:26,061 --> 00:11:27,187

Come on, Butters.

Let's go.

00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:28,605

So you don't want to make

your parents suffer

00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:30,482

and pay for mistreating you,

then?

00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:32,401

Look, I don't know

what your parents did to you,

00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:34,903

but if you're here, I take it

they pissed you off pretty good.

00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,988

Maybe you should at least hear

what I have to offer.

00:11:37,114 --> 00:11:38,824

We thought this

was a legitimate business.

00:11:38,949 --> 00:11:40,409

And it is, I assure you.

00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:42,577

I started this business

over three months ago.

00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:44,496

I've been helping children

get back at their parents since.

00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:46,331

How many parents have you

exacted revenge upon?

00:11:46,456 --> 00:11:48,333

Craig's.

And Clyde's.

00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:49,918

Oh, and Kyle's,

but that was a freebie.

00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,503

Look, I run

a legitimate business here

00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:53,588

with state-of-the-art computers,

charts, and technology.

00:11:53,714 --> 00:11:54,506

Look around you.

00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:56,675

I know how it feels

to be really, really pissed off

00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:57,718

at your parents.

00:11:57,843 --> 00:12:00,053

And I will work hard...for you.

00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:03,932

Our moms and dads lied to us

about those future selves.

00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:06,351

It was a trick to get us to not

want to try drugs or alcohol.

00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:07,394

God damn it.

00:12:07,519 --> 00:12:09,438

See, this is exactly

why I started this business.

00:12:09,563 --> 00:12:10,897

If a parent can't respect

their child,

00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:12,858

then who can they respect, huh?

- Yeah!

00:12:12,983 --> 00:12:15,652

Parents understand one thing,

and that's consequences.

00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:17,654

They need to see consequences

from their actions

00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:18,864

or else they'll never learn.

00:12:18,989 --> 00:12:20,949

What my company does

is inflicts those consequences

00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:24,035

upon the parents in a very real

and very direct way.

00:12:24,161 --> 00:12:25,454

How much is this

going to cost us?

00:12:25,579 --> 00:12:27,456

$18,000.

00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:33,170

How about just 387 easy payments

of $199.95?

00:12:35,589 --> 00:12:36,590

How about five bucks?

00:12:38,759 --> 00:12:40,969

So, everything is working out

with your future actor?

00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,471

Your son seems to be responding?

00:12:42,596 --> 00:12:44,097

I think he's pretty scared,

all right.

00:12:44,222 --> 00:12:46,141

It's just a little weird

having to keep lying

00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,350

to our boy like this.

00:12:47,476 --> 00:12:49,227

Well, you know what us

ultraliberals say --

00:12:49,352 --> 00:12:52,147

"When it comes to children

and drugs, lies are okay."

00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,274

The ends justify the means.

00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:55,859

Take smoking, for instance.

00:12:55,984 --> 00:12:57,694

The truth is

there's no hard evidence

00:12:57,819 --> 00:12:59,279

that secondhand smoke can kill,

00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:01,198

but we believe it's okay

to lie about it

00:13:01,323 --> 00:13:03,200

as long as it gets people

to stop smoking.

00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:04,618

Well, that makes sense.

00:13:04,743 --> 00:13:06,995

So it is with everything

here at Motivation Corp.

00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,121

It's okay for us to lie

00:13:08,246 --> 00:13:10,624

and tell kids that all marijuana

supports terrorism

00:13:10,749 --> 00:13:13,210

or that one pill of ecstasy

is gonna kill them.

00:13:13,335 --> 00:13:16,963

It's not necessarily true,

but the ends justify the means.

00:13:17,088 --> 00:13:20,175

I think when this is all over,

our son is gonna thank us.

00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,261

Okay, Butters.

Let's start with you.

00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:24,846

I think I found a great way

to get revenge on your parents.

00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:26,515

Tell me if I'm going

in the right direction here.

00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:27,808

What we're gonna do, Butters,

00:13:27,933 --> 00:13:29,768

is wait for your parents

to leave the house

00:13:29,893 --> 00:13:33,271

and then smear all the walls

with poop.

00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:35,357

Huh!

That'll make 'em awful sore!

00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:37,400

I want you to take a look

at some of these poop swatches.

00:13:37,526 --> 00:13:38,527

P-Poop swatches?

00:13:38,652 --> 00:13:39,861

Poop comes in a lot

of varieties.

00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,029

I want to find the perfect one

00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,948

tailored to your revenge

on your parents.

00:13:43,073 --> 00:13:44,449

Hey, that's neato, huh, Stan?

00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:46,243

Personally,

I like the Baby Green.

00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:47,536

But I also think

that Classic Brown

00:13:47,661 --> 00:13:48,870

would go nicely with your house.

00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:50,997

Wow.

You sure are professional, Eric.

00:13:51,122 --> 00:13:53,124

I don't know which swatch

I like best.

00:13:53,250 --> 00:13:54,918

Well, you know what we could do,

uh, Butters,

00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:56,711

is go with the Baby Green

in the living room

00:13:56,837 --> 00:13:58,797

and then maybe a Classic Brown

or even a Nut n' Corn Crunch

00:13:58,922 --> 00:14:00,674

in your parents' bedroom.

- That sounds good!

00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:02,843

Well, let's do that, then.

That'll look nice.

00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:03,885

Hooray!

00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:06,680

Now, Stan, for you, I've put

together a really nice design.

00:14:06,805 --> 00:14:09,057

I feel your parents were a bit

more cocky about lying to you,

00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:10,684

and your revenge

needs to reflect that.

00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:12,769

So what I want to do is put

a note on your parents' door

00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:14,688

telling them I'm the counselor

from the school.

00:14:14,813 --> 00:14:16,106

Yeah?

- The note will inform them

00:14:16,231 --> 00:14:19,192

that a problem has come up and

they need to see me right away.

00:14:19,317 --> 00:14:20,110

Yeah?

00:14:20,235 --> 00:14:21,570

Your parents will drive

all the way to the school,

00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:23,613

discovering that no meeting

is actually taking place.

00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:25,240

Yeah?!

- And while they're gone,

00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:28,118

we're gonna smear

all their walls with poop.

00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:31,371

Wow! Neato!

- That's not neato.

00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:32,247

That sucks.

- What?

00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:34,249

You're gonna smear Butters'

parents' walls with poop.

00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,167

I thought each revenge

was unique and customized.

00:14:36,293 --> 00:14:38,003

Poop-smearing is a hot ticket

right now, Stan.

00:14:38,128 --> 00:14:39,421

Have you seen the poop swatches?

00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:40,672

Dude, that's not extreme enough.

00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:42,173

My parents aren't gonna learn

their lesson

00:14:42,299 --> 00:14:43,758

from having some crap

smeared on their walls.

00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:45,135

I want them to see

what they did was wrong.

00:14:45,260 --> 00:14:46,845

I want them to have to admit

they lied to me.

00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:49,055

Okay. Okay. Fine. I-I just --

My first idea.

00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:50,682

That's why we have

these consultations.

00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:52,726

Okay. Okay.

Let -- Let me see here. Uh...

00:14:52,851 --> 00:14:54,144

Well, this is nice.

How about this?

00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:55,812

We'll lure your parents

out of the house,

00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:56,855

and then we'll kill them.

00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:59,024

We'll cut them up into little

pieces and feed them to a dog.

00:14:59,149 --> 00:15:00,025

Dude!

- Extreme enough for you?

00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:01,902

How's Wednesday?

- No. That's too extreme.

00:15:02,027 --> 00:15:04,070

First it's not extreme enough,

and then it's too extreme.

00:15:04,195 --> 00:15:05,614

- Where do you want it?

- Just forget it, Cartman.

00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:06,573

You don't know

what you're doing.

00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:08,909

I am a professional, sir!

00:15:09,034 --> 00:15:11,912

Don't worry, Butters.

You're gonna be 100% satisfied.

00:15:15,874 --> 00:15:18,043

Hey, future self.

- Yes, former self?

00:15:18,168 --> 00:15:20,045

You know that thing I've kept

hidden in the hole in the wall

00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:22,631

for two years that I've never

told anybody about?

00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:25,133

You know -- the thing

that I take out of the shoe box

00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:26,760

every night

before I go to sleep?

00:15:26,885 --> 00:15:28,261

Oh, uh...

00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:29,888

You must know

what I'm talking about.

00:15:30,013 --> 00:15:31,514

Sure.

Uh...

00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:33,934

Uh, oh, man. Could you all

excuse me for a second?

00:15:34,059 --> 00:15:35,769

I think I'm gonna crap my pants.

00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,481

Uh, Stan, don't you think

you're upsetting

00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:40,732

your future self a little?

00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:42,943

Yeah, Stan.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

00:15:43,068 --> 00:15:46,112

Mom, Dad, I don't think

that guy is from the future.

00:15:47,197 --> 00:15:49,324

Oh.

You -- You don't?

00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:50,617

No.

You know what I think?

00:15:50,742 --> 00:15:52,243

I think this is all

an elaborate hoax,

00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:53,578

and I think that

whoever is doing it

00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:55,163

doesn't have very much respect

for me.

00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:56,998

See, the best way

to try to motivate somebody

00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:59,167

is by being direct with them,

to be honest with them.

00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:00,919

I think the whole

future-self thing is a lie.

00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:03,463

And lies are never the right way

to get your message across.

00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:05,423

Well, you know

what I think, Stan?

00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:07,592

What?

- I think he is from the future.

00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:08,718

Yeah.

He must be.

00:16:08,843 --> 00:16:11,179

It's like I just feel

he's our son, you know?

00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:12,639

Right.

That's mother's intuition.

00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:14,015

You can't argue with that.

00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:16,476

No, Stan. I think the only way

you're gonna get rid of him

00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:18,603

is by staying clear of drugs

and alcohol.

00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:20,563

Right.

00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:35,120

Okay. Very nice.

Very nice.

00:16:35,245 --> 00:16:37,080

Oh, wait. God damn it.

Felipe!

00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:38,081

The Classic Brown poop

00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:39,582

is supposed to go

in the parents' bedroom.

00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:41,501

The living room is supposed to

be all Baby Green poop.

00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:43,503

¿Qué?

¿La caca no esta aquí?

00:16:43,628 --> 00:16:45,255

¿La caca de moreno alta, sí?

00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:47,007

Aquí es verde, señor!

Es verde!

00:16:47,132 --> 00:16:48,383

Arriba! Arriba!

- Sí. Sí, señor.

00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:49,592

Bien, gracias.

¿Y tú?

00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:51,219

Carlos!

Carlos, no!

00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:53,430

We want a textured effect

on the Nut n' Corn Crunch poop.

00:16:53,555 --> 00:16:55,724

That's why we spackle

with the sponge, see?

00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:57,600

Spackle gently.

La marrado.

00:16:57,726 --> 00:16:59,019

Gently, see?

Marrado.

00:16:59,144 --> 00:17:00,186

Sí, marrado.

00:17:00,311 --> 00:17:02,313

Marrado. Spectacular.

- Sí.

00:17:02,439 --> 00:17:04,107

Oh, it's so hard

to find good help.

00:17:04,232 --> 00:17:06,026

Ah! Butters.

Like what you're seeing so far?

00:17:06,151 --> 00:17:07,861

Boy, it sure is stinky in here.

00:17:07,986 --> 00:17:09,029

Well, 300 gallons of poop

00:17:09,154 --> 00:17:10,488

isn't gonna smell

like a garden, Butters.

00:17:10,613 --> 00:17:11,948

But I think it's coming together

real nice.

00:17:12,073 --> 00:17:13,241

Look, Eric, I've been thinking.

00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,368

My parents are gonna be

awful sore, and I don't --

00:17:15,493 --> 00:17:17,287

Yes. Well, then I've done

my job, haven't I?

00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:18,580

Pepite!

Pepite, no!

00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:20,665

No come la taco la trabajar!

00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:25,253

Well, it's hard to find work

in commercials, so I ended up --

00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:26,254

Oh, Stan.

00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:28,923

Oh. Dude.

How's it going, man?

00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:31,634

Hey, you want to go upstairs

and play hide-and-go-seek?

00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:32,761

Hide-and-go-seek, huh?

00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:35,138

Yeah. Stan, why don't you go

upstairs and play with yourself?

00:17:35,263 --> 00:17:37,265

I don't believe

that he's my future self.

00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,434

But we can't be sure,

so we better assume he is

00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,853

and never try that first

marijuana cigarette, huh?

00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:44,439

No. I-I actually have a way

to be sure.

00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,024

I'm going to cut off my hand.

00:17:46,149 --> 00:17:48,610

If he is my future self,

then his hand will disappear.

00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:50,111

S-Stanley,

you don't need to do that.

00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:51,571

He is your future self.

00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:53,073

But I have to know for sure.

00:17:53,198 --> 00:17:54,240

Don't be silly, Stan.

00:17:54,365 --> 00:17:56,201

You don't want to go through

life without one of your hands.

00:17:56,326 --> 00:17:58,244

Maybe it's the hand I smoked

that first joint with.

00:17:58,369 --> 00:18:00,413

Here I go.

I'm gonna do it.

00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:01,748

Stan.

00:18:01,873 --> 00:18:03,333

Yes?

00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:04,959

Uh, nothing.

Go ahead.

00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:05,919

Randy!

00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:08,004

Aah!

00:18:08,129 --> 00:18:10,840

Oh, my God! Look!

00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:12,926

Aah!

00:18:13,051 --> 00:18:14,511

Why, his hand did disappear!

- Oh! Oh, God!

00:18:14,636 --> 00:18:17,305

He is you from the future!

- Oh, Jesus Christ!

00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:18,431

Help me!

00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:20,433

That's weird, because I didn't

really cut off my hand.

00:18:20,558 --> 00:18:22,185

It was fake.

00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:25,146

Uh, look. It was fake

in the future, too.

00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:28,233

Looks like you better watch out

for marijuana, huh, Stan?

00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:31,611

Well, Butters,

I hope you like the work.

00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:33,822

I'm sure your parents will be

plenty pissed off.

00:18:33,947 --> 00:18:35,448

And after my parents get angry,

00:18:35,573 --> 00:18:37,283

how do we get the poop

off the walls?

00:18:37,408 --> 00:18:38,827

Ooh.

Uh, that's a different company.

00:18:38,952 --> 00:18:40,036

Oh, someone's here.

00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:42,413

We'd better run out the back.

Pepite! Carlos! Vamanos!

00:18:42,539 --> 00:18:44,415

B-But, Cartman, wait!

00:18:44,541 --> 00:18:46,584

Oh, Christmas.

00:18:46,709 --> 00:18:47,961

Butters!

- Oh! Stan!

00:18:48,086 --> 00:18:50,505

Butters, we've g--

Oh, God, it smells in here.

00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:53,591

Yeah. Well, 300 gallons of poop

isn't gonna smell like a garden.

00:18:53,716 --> 00:18:55,218

Butters, we're running away.

- We are?

00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:57,053

Our parents are never gonna

admit what they did was wrong,

00:18:57,178 --> 00:18:58,096

and they're never gonna change.

00:18:58,221 --> 00:19:00,014

What the hell is this?!

00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:01,766

Oh, my God!

Our house!

00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:04,144

Oh, geez.

I'm gonna get it now.

00:19:04,269 --> 00:19:06,980

Butters! Do you have

an explanation for this?!

00:19:07,105 --> 00:19:09,315

Well, not really, sir.

I-I just thought --

00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,442

Wait a minute, Chris.

Don't you see?

00:19:11,568 --> 00:19:12,902

This might be our fault.

00:19:13,027 --> 00:19:13,903

W-- I--

00:19:14,028 --> 00:19:15,655

My God.

You're right, Linda.

00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:18,032

This is what we get

for deceiving our son.

00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:19,492

- Huh?!

- Butters, listen.

00:19:19,617 --> 00:19:22,745

The whole future-self thing,

well, it was a dirty fib.

00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:24,998

We just so desperately

wanted you to never try drugs

00:19:25,123 --> 00:19:26,457

that we used a big scare tactic

00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:28,293

instead of telling you

the truth.

00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:30,795

We thought the ends justified

the means, but they don't.

00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,463

They just don't, son!

00:19:34,299 --> 00:19:37,010

We're sorry, baby.

00:19:37,135 --> 00:19:38,469

Get the fuck out of here.

00:19:38,595 --> 00:19:40,388

Stan! Stan!

Oh! Okay.

00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:43,391

Uh, y-you might be wondering why

Butters has a future self, too.

00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:46,144

You see, son, the time matrix

pulled in more people

00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:47,937

from the future --

- Oh, stop it, you guys!

00:19:48,062 --> 00:19:49,522

I know all about

Motivation Corp!

00:19:49,647 --> 00:19:52,108

All I've been trying to get you

to do is admit you lied to me.

00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:53,276

Oh.

00:19:53,401 --> 00:19:55,904

Well, son, we've just been

trying to make sure

00:19:56,029 --> 00:19:58,156

you know how dangerous

drugs like pot are.

00:19:58,281 --> 00:19:59,574

I've been told a lot

of things about pot,

00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,326

but I've come to find out a lot

of those things aren't true,

00:20:01,451 --> 00:20:02,410

so I don't know what to believe.

00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,245

Well, Stan, the truth is

00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:06,456

marijuana probably isn't

going to make you kill people,

00:20:06,581 --> 00:20:09,000

and it most likely

isn't gonna fund terrorists.

00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:11,794

But, well, son, pot makes you

feel fine with being bored,

00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:12,921

and it's when you're bored

00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:14,589

that you should be learning

some new skill

00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:17,217

or discovering some new science

or being creative.

00:20:17,342 --> 00:20:19,260

If you smoke pot,

you may grow up to find out

00:20:19,385 --> 00:20:20,970

that you aren't good

at anything.

00:20:21,095 --> 00:20:23,139

I really, really wish

you just would've told me that

00:20:23,264 --> 00:20:24,140

from the beginning.

00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:25,141

He's right.

00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:28,019

If we use lies and exaggerations

to keep kids off drugs,

00:20:28,144 --> 00:20:30,188

then they're never gonna believe

anything we tell them.

00:20:30,313 --> 00:20:32,607

Well, there's only one person

I can blame.

00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:34,651

Motivation Corp.

00:20:34,776 --> 00:20:35,818

Oh, God!

00:20:35,944 --> 00:20:38,488

Who smeared crap

all over our walls?!

00:20:38,613 --> 00:20:40,990

Oh, Jesus!

It smells! Oh!

00:20:41,115 --> 00:20:42,659

You really did a nice job, Eric.

00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:44,118

Yeah. I got to admit

you really came through.

00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:44,953

Thank you.

00:20:45,078 --> 00:20:46,996

I thought the Hangover Black

went really nice in the lobby.

00:20:47,121 --> 00:20:49,916

Here, Eric. I cooked you a huge

box of cookies as a present.

00:20:50,041 --> 00:20:51,084

Thanks.

00:20:51,209 --> 00:20:53,169

But, you know, all this talk

about future selves

00:20:53,294 --> 00:20:55,713

has made me think maybe I should

take better care of myself.

00:20:55,838 --> 00:20:58,049

I mean, maybe I should think

about who I'm gonna become.

00:20:58,174 --> 00:21:00,468

Attaboy, Eric.

You made the right choice.

00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,178

Who the hell are you?

00:21:02,303 --> 00:21:04,681

It's me -- Cartman.

You from the future.

00:21:04,806 --> 00:21:06,724

I came back to tell you

that this is the day

00:21:06,849 --> 00:21:08,184

you turn it all around.

00:21:08,309 --> 00:21:10,728

You stop eating junk food,

you start studying harder,

00:21:10,853 --> 00:21:12,480

you stay away from drugs

and alcohol,

00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:16,234

and you become CEO

of your own time-travel company.

00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:19,070

Oh, wow! Really?

That's so awesome!

00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:21,155

Now I'll really work

to be successful!

00:21:21,281 --> 00:21:22,115

Right on!

00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:23,908

Go have sex with yourself,

asshole!

00:21:24,033 --> 00:21:25,159

I'm not that stupid.

00:21:25,285 --> 00:21:27,245

Just for that, I'm gonna spend

my whole childhood

00:21:27,370 --> 00:21:29,706

eating what I want

and doing drugs when I want.

00:21:29,831 --> 00:21:31,374

Whatever!

I do what I want!

00:21:31,499 --> 00:21:32,834

No! Wait!

00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:36,963

Oh!

God damn it!

00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:13,889

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:15,683

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,808 --> 00:00:18,602

♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,688

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:20,813 --> 00:00:22,106

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

00:00:22,231 --> 00:00:25,401

♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,194

♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪

00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:28,612

♪ Timmy, Timmy,

liv-a-la, Timmy! ♪

00:00:28,738 --> 00:00:32,533

♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

00:00:34,577 --> 00:00:37,038

[ Birds chirping ]

00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:41,751

Throw it away, Clyde.

00:00:41,876 --> 00:00:43,669

I'm not gonna touch it.

You throw it away.

00:00:43,794 --> 00:00:44,670

What's going on?

00:00:44,795 --> 00:00:46,589

Some high schoolers left

a marijuana cigarette behind.

00:00:46,714 --> 00:00:48,674

We have to throw it away

before some kids find it.

00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:50,676

So throw it away.

- Nobody wants to touch it.

00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:52,136

What if the residue

gets on our hands

00:00:52,261 --> 00:00:54,263

and it leads to harder drugs,

like those commercials say?

00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:55,806

Didn't you see that commercial

where it says

00:00:55,931 --> 00:00:57,558

if you have pot,

you can become a terrorist?

00:00:57,683 --> 00:00:59,143

And the commercial

where two kids have pot

00:00:59,268 --> 00:01:00,936

and the one kid

shoots the other -- harmless?

00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:02,897

Those commercials

are just exaggerations.

00:01:03,022 --> 00:01:03,731

How do you know?

00:01:03,856 --> 00:01:05,357

None of us have ever had

any drugs before.

00:01:05,483 --> 00:01:07,443

Well, I did ecstasy once.

00:01:08,444 --> 00:01:09,695

Me and my girlfriend took it,

00:01:09,820 --> 00:01:12,406

and we stayed up all night

having s-s-sex.

00:01:13,532 --> 00:01:15,409

Where did you have sex with her?

00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:18,788

In her v-v-vagina.

00:01:20,372 --> 00:01:22,750

Thank you. Thank you.

What a terrific audience.

00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:24,794

It's just a stupid plant

that makes you dumb.

00:01:24,919 --> 00:01:25,961

Touching it won't hurt you.

00:01:26,087 --> 00:01:27,963

Then you throw it away,

smart ass.

00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:29,757

Fine.

I will.

00:01:29,882 --> 00:01:32,259

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:01:35,179 --> 00:01:36,514

There. See?

I touched marijuana.

00:01:36,639 --> 00:01:38,224

I'm not a terrorist,

I didn't shoot anybody,

00:01:38,349 --> 00:01:39,892

and I don't feel like

doing more drugs now.

00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:41,727

No big deal.

00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:44,647

[ Thunder crashing ]

00:01:46,482 --> 00:01:49,527

You kids fucking don't fuck

around with your fucking mom!

00:01:49,652 --> 00:01:52,488

Dad, we fucking can't!

The be-da-feh-ka-fuck.

00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:54,865

Stan, what did I tell you

about watching "The Osbournes"?

00:01:54,990 --> 00:01:55,950

Oh, come on, Mom!

00:01:56,075 --> 00:01:58,577

It's going to make you retarded.

00:01:58,702 --> 00:01:59,578

It's just a show!

00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:01,705

It doesn't have any fucking

effect on me, for fuck's sake!

00:02:01,831 --> 00:02:03,916

Oh, goody.

Now we can watch the news.

00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:06,168

In other news, South Park

police are still looking

00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:08,921

for a crazy man who terrorized

the town one hour ago.

00:02:09,046 --> 00:02:10,506

The man claimed to be

from the future

00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:12,216

and ran naked

through the city streets,

00:02:12,341 --> 00:02:15,761

screaming, "The past! The past!

Oh, my God! It's the past!"

00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:18,764

Which is what one would expect

someone from the future to yell.

00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:21,058

[ Doorbell rings ]

00:02:22,143 --> 00:02:24,812

Oh, my God!

It's the past!

00:02:25,604 --> 00:02:27,815

Oh, whoa, man!

It's you!

00:02:27,940 --> 00:02:28,858

Who are you?

00:02:28,983 --> 00:02:31,569

It's me, Mom!

Your son -- Stan!

00:02:31,694 --> 00:02:35,030

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:02:35,156 --> 00:02:36,031

Who is it, Sharon?

00:02:36,157 --> 00:02:37,825

Dad!

- Dad?

00:02:37,950 --> 00:02:40,119

Look, we don't know you,

and you don't know us.

00:02:40,244 --> 00:02:41,704

Just go away

before we call the police.

00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:43,038

Who the fuck is it,

Mom and Dad?

00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:45,708

No way!

It's me from the past!

00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:46,959

I'm me from the past?

00:02:47,084 --> 00:02:48,919

No.

I'm you from the future.

00:02:49,044 --> 00:02:51,005

Oh, man.

This is so messed up.

00:02:51,130 --> 00:02:52,464

Okay.

We've had enough.

00:02:52,590 --> 00:02:53,757

Your name's Randy Marsh.

00:02:53,883 --> 00:02:56,343

You're a geologist,

and you don't like chicken.

00:02:56,468 --> 00:02:57,970

Mom, your maiden name is Kimble,

00:02:58,095 --> 00:02:59,972

and you have a scar

on your left knee

00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:02,141

from when you slipped

in the swimming pool.

00:03:02,266 --> 00:03:03,934

Randy, what's going on?

00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:05,311

I don't know.

00:03:05,436 --> 00:03:07,813

Dude, just let me talk to you

for like five minutes.

00:03:07,938 --> 00:03:09,648

After that, I'll bail.

00:03:12,443 --> 00:03:14,862

I can still remember

when I was 5

00:03:14,987 --> 00:03:17,823

and you both found that squirrel

I'd been keeping in the closet

00:03:17,948 --> 00:03:20,159

and you let me keep it

for another week,

00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:21,202

and then it ran away.

00:03:21,327 --> 00:03:22,870

But I know

that's just what you told me.

00:03:22,995 --> 00:03:24,830

I knew Mom had actually

let it out.

00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:26,999

How could he possibly know

all that?

00:03:27,124 --> 00:03:30,169

Unless...he is our son

from the future.

00:03:30,294 --> 00:03:32,922

But why are you back

in this time with us, son?

00:03:33,047 --> 00:03:34,215

I have no idea, man.

00:03:34,340 --> 00:03:35,674

I was just about to go to sleep

00:03:35,799 --> 00:03:37,509

in an alley

behind the crack house.

00:03:37,635 --> 00:03:39,386

I shot up a little heroin,

00:03:39,511 --> 00:03:41,513

and then this electrical storm

started.

00:03:41,639 --> 00:03:44,683

Next thing I knew, I was running

around in my own past, man.

00:03:44,808 --> 00:03:46,268

I thought I was just tripping,

00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:48,687

but then I came down,

and I was still here.

00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:51,106

Oh, dude, it's so bizarre!

00:03:51,232 --> 00:03:53,484

Oh, dude, I should've

never touched that marijuana.

00:03:53,609 --> 00:03:56,111

Stan, whatever has happened,

we're going to help you.

00:03:56,237 --> 00:03:58,948

That's right. We're a family,

no matter what time shift.

00:03:59,073 --> 00:04:00,616

Thanks.

Could I get another beer?

00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:02,910

You must be exhausted.

Why don't you get some sleep?

00:04:03,035 --> 00:04:05,204

That'd be killer.

Where can I crash?

00:04:05,329 --> 00:04:07,039

I'm sure Stan

wouldn't mind sharing his room,

00:04:07,164 --> 00:04:08,374

would you, Stan?

- What?!

00:04:08,499 --> 00:04:10,334

I have to share my room

with my future self?!

00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:11,460

Oh, no!

00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,212

[ Mid-tempo introduction plays ]

00:04:13,337 --> 00:04:15,381

♪ Here we are, face-to-face ♪

00:04:15,506 --> 00:04:17,132

♪ My future self 'n' me ♪

00:04:17,258 --> 00:04:18,676

Stop it.

♪ So much alike ♪

00:04:18,801 --> 00:04:19,969

♪ And yet so different ♪

No.

00:04:20,094 --> 00:04:22,054

♪ One of us messy,

the other one clean ♪

00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:24,056

♪ Gettin' along

isn't always easy ♪

00:04:24,181 --> 00:04:26,350

♪ Sometimes we disagree ♪

Quit it.

00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:28,435

♪ But in the end, we know

we're good for each other ♪

00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:29,478

♪ Two peas in a pod ♪

00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:32,189

♪ Future self 'n' me ♪

00:04:32,314 --> 00:04:34,525

♪ Future self 'n' me ♪

00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:37,111

♪ Future self 'n' ♪

00:04:37,236 --> 00:04:39,738

♪ 'N' me ♪

00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:40,739

Hey, guys.

00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:41,573

Hey.

- Hey.

00:04:41,699 --> 00:04:43,325

Whoa!

Kyle and Cartman!

00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,286

It's so cool to see you guys!

00:04:45,411 --> 00:04:46,912

Who's this asshole?

- This is my future self.

00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:48,580

He came during

the electrical storm last night

00:04:48,706 --> 00:04:49,790

and is caught in a time matrix.

00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:51,041

He's me when I'm 32.

00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:52,167

Wow.

That's pretty cool.

00:04:52,293 --> 00:04:53,585

But how does he know our names?

00:04:53,711 --> 00:04:55,337

'Cause, R-tard,

he's Stan from the future.

00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:56,588

He knows everything Stan knows.

00:04:56,714 --> 00:04:58,007

Oh.

Wait.

00:04:58,132 --> 00:05:00,342

Stan becomes this douchebag?

- Yeah.

00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:03,262

I spent a lot of my teenage

years on a slow downward spiral

00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:05,431

experimenting with drugs

and alcohol.

00:05:05,556 --> 00:05:07,474

[ Laughing ]

00:05:07,599 --> 00:05:09,059

Shut up, Cartman!

00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:10,811

That is so awesome!

00:05:10,936 --> 00:05:13,355

Thank you, God!

Oh, praise God!

00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,107

Hey, what happens to me

in the future?

00:05:15,232 --> 00:05:15,983

Oh, I don't know.

00:05:16,108 --> 00:05:18,319

You guys stayed away from drugs,

so you were okay.

00:05:18,444 --> 00:05:19,903

I just lost touch with you

00:05:20,029 --> 00:05:22,781

after I was sent to juvie hall

in 2006.

00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:24,950

Juvie hall!

[ Laughs ]

00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:27,494

Stan's a loser!

Stan's a loser!

00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:29,038

God damn it.

00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:32,750

Thanks for staying after school

and tutoring me, Butters.

00:05:32,875 --> 00:05:34,126

Well, sure thing, Stan.

00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:36,378

But how come you care about

schoolwork all of a sudden?

00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:38,130

I told you,

I can't stand my future self!

00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:40,591

I have to do whatever I can

to not become a loser like him.

00:05:40,716 --> 00:05:44,053

Well, studying is the golden key

to the imposing door of success.

00:05:44,178 --> 00:05:46,263

I can't stand having my

future self around all the time.

00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:47,431

It's driving me crazy!

00:05:47,556 --> 00:05:49,099

Maybe if I get smarter,

I won't become him

00:05:49,224 --> 00:05:50,476

and I won't have to share

my room.

00:05:50,601 --> 00:05:51,518

I know what you mean.

00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:53,395

I hate having

my future self around, too.

00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,105

Yeah.

It's like everything I do, he --

00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:56,315

Wait a minute.

What did you say?

00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:57,775

I said I know how you feel.

00:05:57,900 --> 00:05:59,318

My life has gone

completely downhill

00:05:59,443 --> 00:06:00,861

ever since my future self

moved in.

00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:01,904

I hate him.

00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:03,614

All he ever wants to do

is watch "Becker,"

00:06:03,739 --> 00:06:06,492

and that show is so stupid.

00:06:06,617 --> 00:06:08,452

Dude, how long has

your future self been around?

00:06:08,577 --> 00:06:10,788

Oh, I guess it's been

about four months now.

00:06:10,913 --> 00:06:11,872

Four months?!

00:06:11,997 --> 00:06:12,873

You never told anybody

00:06:12,998 --> 00:06:14,625

you were living with yourself

from the future?

00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:15,959

Nobody asked.

00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:17,127

Where is he now?

00:06:17,252 --> 00:06:18,629

Probably watching "Becker".

00:06:20,422 --> 00:06:21,465

[ Becker ]

My name is T. Becker.

00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:23,008

The "T" stands for "terrific."

00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:25,594

[ Laughing ]

00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,805

See? Here he is --

future Butters.

00:06:27,930 --> 00:06:29,306

Future self,

this is my good friend --

00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:30,349

Stan!

00:06:30,474 --> 00:06:31,642

Sure, I remember you!

00:06:31,767 --> 00:06:33,977

Yep. Wearing that puffball hat,

like always.

00:06:34,103 --> 00:06:34,978

Oh, hello, boys.

00:06:35,104 --> 00:06:37,147

Future Butters, it's time

to take your liver medicine.

00:06:37,272 --> 00:06:38,148

Liver medicine?

00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:39,942

Yeah. My future self

has a bad kidney

00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,027

from all the drinking he did

in high school.

00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:43,779

I need to learn

to behave myself.

00:06:44,988 --> 00:06:47,741

Hey, where you going, Stan?

00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:51,662

All right. Where's

that son of a bitch's wallet?

00:06:51,787 --> 00:06:53,580

W-What are you looking for,

huh, Stan?

00:06:53,705 --> 00:06:55,457

Don't you think it's

a little bit of a coincidence

00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:57,501

that both your future self

and my future self

00:06:57,626 --> 00:06:59,253

got caught in

a mexterdexed time plane?

00:06:59,378 --> 00:07:01,380

We both got the same teacher

for homeroom, too.

00:07:01,505 --> 00:07:02,798

You didn't say anything then.

00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:05,008

Here it is.

There has to be something --

00:07:05,134 --> 00:07:06,176

Wait.

What's this?

00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:07,845

This expires in 2002.

00:07:07,970 --> 00:07:09,221

Why would he have this

in his wallet?

00:07:09,346 --> 00:07:12,224

I don't follow.

- 3451 Colfax Avenue.

00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:13,392

Come on, Butters!

- Ooh!

00:07:13,517 --> 00:07:15,644

Are we off on an adventure?

00:07:21,984 --> 00:07:23,986

Here it is -- Motivation Corp.

00:07:25,529 --> 00:07:27,489

[ Beeping ]

00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:29,491

I don't think we're

supposed to go in there, Stan.

00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,326

Maybe we should go adventuring

somewhere else.

00:07:31,452 --> 00:07:32,578

Part of being on an adventure

00:07:32,703 --> 00:07:34,204

is you go places

you're not supposed to go!

00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:37,207

Oh! Well, you're good

at adventuring, huh, Stan?

00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:40,627

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:07:42,713 --> 00:07:45,466

[ Mouse clicking ]

00:07:45,591 --> 00:07:46,717

What the hell is going on here?

00:07:46,842 --> 00:07:48,260

It should take about a month

00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:50,387

to achieve the results you want.

00:07:50,512 --> 00:07:51,972

Well, Mr. And Mrs. Brooks,

00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:54,266

I think you're gonna be

very pleased with the results.

00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:55,392

We sure hope so.

00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:57,936

We just don't know how to talk

to our son about drugs.

00:07:58,061 --> 00:07:59,438

Well, now you won't have to.

00:07:59,563 --> 00:08:01,690

Ah. Here he is.

This is Josh Cashner.

00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,734

He'll be playing the role

of your future son.

00:08:03,859 --> 00:08:06,069

Nice to meet you, "Mom and Dad."

00:08:06,195 --> 00:08:07,988

[ Laughter ]

00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:10,073

My goodness. He does look

a little like Kevin.

00:08:10,199 --> 00:08:12,034

Yes, and he knows all

your family history

00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:13,577

and every detail of your house.

00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:16,413

And he's worked up

quite a future for your son.

00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:18,499

I'm going to tell him

that I dropped out of school

00:08:18,624 --> 00:08:20,083

and went to prison

for eight years,

00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:22,669

where I was sodomized --

in the ass!

00:08:22,794 --> 00:08:25,255

Ooh. That should get Kevin

to stay clear of drugs.

00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:26,465

It sure should!

00:08:26,590 --> 00:08:29,176

So we'll put the fake news

report out on Tuesday night.

00:08:29,301 --> 00:08:31,637

Make sure your son is watching

the Channel 4 news.

00:08:31,762 --> 00:08:34,306

Oh, and that's when you'll fake

the electrical storm as well?

00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:36,266

Motivation Corp

takes care of everything.

00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:39,102

Just follow these simple scripts

when your actor arrives.

00:08:39,228 --> 00:08:41,271

"Listen to me, you crazy person.

00:08:41,396 --> 00:08:43,273

There's no way you can be

from the future."

00:08:43,398 --> 00:08:44,983

Oh, this is going to be fun!

00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:47,486

I can't believe it.

It's all a scam!

00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:48,779

Yeah.

I can't believe it!

00:08:48,904 --> 00:08:50,489

They've all been lying to us

this whole time!

00:08:50,614 --> 00:08:51,573

This whole time!

00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:54,701

I wonder if my future self

knows anything about this.

00:08:57,454 --> 00:08:59,540

Hey, maybe my future self

remembers this happening

00:08:59,665 --> 00:09:01,208

a-and can shed some light

on the subject.

00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:02,417

Butters, don't you get it?!

00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:04,002

Those assholes

aren't our future selves!

00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:06,129

Our parents hired them

to make us more motivated!

00:09:06,255 --> 00:09:08,298

But then why did they come back

to the past?

00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:10,467

They didn't come back

to the past, you dumb-ass!

00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:12,678

They're actors!

- Oh.

00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:14,388

Oh.

00:09:14,513 --> 00:09:15,722

But that's like they're lying.

00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:16,932

It is lying, Butters.

00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,934

Your parents lied to you,

and my parents lied to me!

00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:19,935

Get it?!

00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,895

Oh!

That makes me angry!

00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:24,856

Why, if Professor Chaos were

here, he'd make everyone pay!

00:09:24,982 --> 00:09:25,774

Who's that?

00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,192

You know -- Professor Chaos,

00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:28,860

bringer of destruction

and disorder!

00:09:28,986 --> 00:09:30,487

What?

- Follow me back home, Stan.

00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:33,824

It's time I let you in

on a horrible secret.

00:09:36,368 --> 00:09:37,536

Wait right here, Stan.

00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:40,664

I warn you, you may not like

what you're about to see.

00:09:41,999 --> 00:09:43,500

We have to teach our parents

a lesson,

00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:46,503

show them they can't just play

with our emotions like that.

00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:48,380

[ Laughing evilly ]

00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:51,508

Now you know my terrible secret!

00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:52,676

You're gay?

00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:54,553

It's fine if you're gay,

Butters. I don't care.

00:09:54,678 --> 00:09:56,346

Huh? No. I'm Professor Chaos.

I --

00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:57,931

We have to teach our parents

a lesson.

00:09:58,056 --> 00:09:58,932

We're running away.

00:09:59,057 --> 00:10:01,143

Help me find the perfect place

to run away to.

00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:05,564

Mm. Uh, maybe I used

a little too much silver.

00:10:09,151 --> 00:10:10,777

How about this?

"Winter Park."

00:10:10,902 --> 00:10:12,029

It looks kind of nice.

00:10:12,154 --> 00:10:13,905

No. We got to run away

somewhere warm.

00:10:14,031 --> 00:10:15,282

Oh, look at this, Stan.

00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:16,617

"Are you sick of your parents?

00:10:16,742 --> 00:10:18,660

Do you want revenge for

something they've done to you?

00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:21,121

Call the Parental Revenge Center

of Western America

00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:22,873

for a free consultation.

00:10:22,998 --> 00:10:24,207

Results guaranteed."

00:10:24,333 --> 00:10:26,376

Dude, I didn't know

there was such a thing!

00:10:26,501 --> 00:10:28,128

Hey, look.

Somebody lost their cat.

00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:28,962

Uh, hi.

00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:31,715

Is this the Parental Revenge

Center of Western America?

00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,300

I'm really pissed off

at my parents,

00:10:33,425 --> 00:10:35,510

and I want to impose swift

and horrible revenge upon them.

00:10:35,636 --> 00:10:37,846

Look. You can make your wiener

bigger in just three weeks.

00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:40,724

Oh, really? Okay.

Where are you located, please?

00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:43,185

Great.

Um, can I come by tomorrow?

00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,437

This lady will come

and massage your wiener for $95.

00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:46,605

That's a pretty good deal.

00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:48,023

11:00 is great.

Thank you.

00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,024

That was easy!

00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,108

I just go to their office

00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:52,110

and they'll help me figure out

how to get back at my parents.

00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:54,321

I want to get revenge

on my douchebag parents, too!

00:10:54,446 --> 00:10:56,281

Fine. You can come with me.

- Hooray!

00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:57,991

And then we can

make our wieners bigger

00:10:58,116 --> 00:10:59,576

and have a lady massage 'em.

00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:02,746

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:06,750

I guess this is it.

00:11:08,669 --> 00:11:10,545

[ Door closes ]

00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:13,423

Uh, hello? We're here about

the revenge on our parents.

00:11:13,548 --> 00:11:15,717

Yes.

Come in, please.

00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:16,551

Cartman?!

00:11:16,677 --> 00:11:18,720

Oh! Stan! Butters!

I didn't know it was you guys.

00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:19,846

What the hell

are you doing here?

00:11:19,971 --> 00:11:22,015

I'm running a business, Stan.

Are you my 11:00?

00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:24,434

You're the Parental Revenge

Center of Western America?

00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:25,936

I knew this was too good

to be true.

00:11:26,061 --> 00:11:27,187

Come on, Butters.

Let's go.

00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:28,605

So you don't want to make

your parents suffer

00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:30,482

and pay for mistreating you,

then?

00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:32,401

Look, I don't know

what your parents did to you,

00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:34,903

but if you're here, I take it

they pissed you off pretty good.

00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,988

Maybe you should at least hear

what I have to offer.

00:11:37,114 --> 00:11:38,824

We thought this

was a legitimate business.

00:11:38,949 --> 00:11:40,409

And it is, I assure you.

00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:42,577

I started this business

over three months ago.

00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:44,496

I've been helping children

get back at their parents since.

00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:46,331

How many parents have you

exacted revenge upon?

00:11:46,456 --> 00:11:48,333

Craig's.

And Clyde's.

00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:49,918

Oh, and Kyle's,

but that was a freebie.

00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,503

Look, I run

a legitimate business here

00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:53,588

with state-of-the-art computers,

charts, and technology.

00:11:53,714 --> 00:11:54,506

Look around you.

00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:56,675

I know how it feels

to be really, really pissed off

00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:57,718

at your parents.

00:11:57,843 --> 00:12:00,053

And I will work hard...for you.

00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:03,932

Our moms and dads lied to us

about those future selves.

00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:06,351

It was a trick to get us to not

want to try drugs or alcohol.

00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:07,394

[ Sighs ]

God damn it.

00:12:07,519 --> 00:12:09,438

See, this is exactly

why I started this business.

00:12:09,563 --> 00:12:10,897

If a parent can't respect

their child,

00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:12,858

then who can they respect, huh?

- Yeah!

00:12:12,983 --> 00:12:15,652

Parents understand one thing,

and that's consequences.

00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:17,654

They need to see consequences

from their actions

00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:18,864

or else they'll never learn.

00:12:18,989 --> 00:12:20,949

What my company does

is inflicts those consequences

00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:24,035

upon the parents in a very real

and very direct way.

00:12:24,161 --> 00:12:25,454

How much is this

going to cost us?

00:12:25,579 --> 00:12:27,456

$18,000.

00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:33,170

How about just 387 easy payments

of $199.95?

00:12:35,589 --> 00:12:36,590

How about five bucks?

00:12:38,759 --> 00:12:40,969

So, everything is working out

with your future actor?

00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,471

Your son seems to be responding?

00:12:42,596 --> 00:12:44,097

I think he's pretty scared,

all right.

00:12:44,222 --> 00:12:46,141

It's just a little weird

having to keep lying

00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,350

to our boy like this.

00:12:47,476 --> 00:12:49,227

Well, you know what us

ultraliberals say --

00:12:49,352 --> 00:12:52,147

"When it comes to children

and drugs, lies are okay."

00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,274

The ends justify the means.

00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:55,859

Take smoking, for instance.

00:12:55,984 --> 00:12:57,694

The truth is

there's no hard evidence

00:12:57,819 --> 00:12:59,279

that secondhand smoke can kill,

00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:01,198

but we believe it's okay

to lie about it

00:13:01,323 --> 00:13:03,200

as long as it gets people

to stop smoking.

00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:04,618

Well, that makes sense.

00:13:04,743 --> 00:13:06,995

So it is with everything

here at Motivation Corp.

00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,121

It's okay for us to lie

00:13:08,246 --> 00:13:10,624

and tell kids that all marijuana

supports terrorism

00:13:10,749 --> 00:13:13,210

or that one pill of ecstasy

is gonna kill them.

00:13:13,335 --> 00:13:16,963

It's not necessarily true,

but the ends justify the means.

00:13:17,088 --> 00:13:20,175

I think when this is all over,

our son is gonna thank us.

00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,261

Okay, Butters.

Let's start with you.

00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:24,846

I think I found a great way

to get revenge on your parents.

00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:26,515

Tell me if I'm going

in the right direction here.

00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:27,808

What we're gonna do, Butters,

00:13:27,933 --> 00:13:29,768

is wait for your parents

to leave the house

00:13:29,893 --> 00:13:33,271

and then smear all the walls

with poop.

00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:35,357

Huh!

That'll make 'em awful sore!

00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:37,400

I want you to take a look

at some of these poop swatches.

00:13:37,526 --> 00:13:38,527

P-Poop swatches?

00:13:38,652 --> 00:13:39,861

Poop comes in a lot

of varieties.

00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,029

I want to find the perfect one

00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,948

tailored to your revenge

on your parents.

00:13:43,073 --> 00:13:44,449

Hey, that's neato, huh, Stan?

00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:46,243

Personally,

I like the Baby Green.

00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:47,536

But I also think

that Classic Brown

00:13:47,661 --> 00:13:48,870

would go nicely with your house.

00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:50,997

Wow.

You sure are professional, Eric.

00:13:51,122 --> 00:13:53,124

I don't know which swatch

I like best.

00:13:53,250 --> 00:13:54,918

Well, you know what we could do,

uh, Butters,

00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:56,711

is go with the Baby Green

in the living room

00:13:56,837 --> 00:13:58,797

and then maybe a Classic Brown

or even a Nut n' Corn Crunch

00:13:58,922 --> 00:14:00,674

in your parents' bedroom.

- That sounds good!

00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:02,843

Well, let's do that, then.

That'll look nice.

00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:03,885

Hooray!

00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:06,680

Now, Stan, for you, I've put

together a really nice design.

00:14:06,805 --> 00:14:09,057

I feel your parents were a bit

more cocky about lying to you,

00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:10,684

and your revenge

needs to reflect that.

00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:12,769

So what I want to do is put

a note on your parents' door

00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:14,688

telling them I'm the counselor

from the school.

00:14:14,813 --> 00:14:16,106

Yeah?

- The note will inform them

00:14:16,231 --> 00:14:19,192

that a problem has come up and

they need to see me right away.

00:14:19,317 --> 00:14:20,110

Yeah?

00:14:20,235 --> 00:14:21,570

Your parents will drive

all the way to the school,

00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:23,613

discovering that no meeting

is actually taking place.

00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:25,240

Yeah?!

- And while they're gone,

00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:28,118

we're gonna smear

all their walls with poop.

00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:31,371

Wow! Neato!

- That's not neato.

00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:32,247

That sucks.

- What?

00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:34,249

You're gonna smear Butters'

parents' walls with poop.

00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,167

I thought each revenge

was unique and customized.

00:14:36,293 --> 00:14:38,003

Poop-smearing is a hot ticket

right now, Stan.

00:14:38,128 --> 00:14:39,421

Have you seen the poop swatches?

00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:40,672

Dude, that's not extreme enough.

00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:42,173

My parents aren't gonna learn

their lesson

00:14:42,299 --> 00:14:43,758

from having some crap

smeared on their walls.

00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:45,135

I want them to see

what they did was wrong.

00:14:45,260 --> 00:14:46,845

I want them to have to admit

they lied to me.

00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:49,055

Okay. Okay. Fine. I-I just --

My first idea.

00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:50,682

That's why we have

these consultations.

00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:52,726

Okay. Okay.

Let -- Let me see here. Uh...

00:14:52,851 --> 00:14:54,144

Well, this is nice.

How about this?

00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:55,812

We'll lure your parents

out of the house,

00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:56,855

and then we'll kill them.

00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:59,024

We'll cut them up into little

pieces and feed them to a dog.

00:14:59,149 --> 00:15:00,025

Dude!

- Extreme enough for you?

00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:01,902

How's Wednesday?

- No. That's too extreme.

00:15:02,027 --> 00:15:04,070

First it's not extreme enough,

and then it's too extreme.

00:15:04,195 --> 00:15:05,614

- Where do you want it?

- Just forget it, Cartman.

00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:06,573

You don't know

what you're doing.

00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:08,909

I am a professional, sir!

00:15:09,034 --> 00:15:11,912

Don't worry, Butters.

You're gonna be 100% satisfied.

00:15:12,037 --> 00:15:15,749

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:15:15,874 --> 00:15:18,043

Hey, future self.

- Yes, former self?

00:15:18,168 --> 00:15:20,045

You know that thing I've kept

hidden in the hole in the wall

00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:22,631

for two years that I've never

told anybody about?

00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:25,133

You know -- the thing

that I take out of the shoe box

00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:26,760

every night

before I go to sleep?

00:15:26,885 --> 00:15:28,261

Oh, uh...

00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:29,888

You must know

what I'm talking about.

00:15:30,013 --> 00:15:31,514

Sure.

Uh...

00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:33,934

Uh, oh, man. Could you all

excuse me for a second?

00:15:34,059 --> 00:15:35,769

I think I'm gonna crap my pants.

00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,481

Uh, Stan, don't you think

you're upsetting

00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:40,732

your future self a little?

00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:42,943

Yeah, Stan.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

00:15:43,068 --> 00:15:46,112

Mom, Dad, I don't think

that guy is from the future.

00:15:47,197 --> 00:15:49,324

Oh.

You -- You don't?

00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:50,617

No.

You know what I think?

00:15:50,742 --> 00:15:52,243

I think this is all

an elaborate hoax,

00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:53,578

and I think that

whoever is doing it

00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:55,163

doesn't have very much respect

for me.

00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:56,998

See, the best way

to try to motivate somebody

00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:59,167

is by being direct with them,

to be honest with them.

00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:00,919

I think the whole

future-self thing is a lie.

00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:03,463

And lies are never the right way

to get your message across.

00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:05,423

Well, you know

what I think, Stan?

00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:07,592

What?

- I think he is from the future.

00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:08,718

Yeah.

He must be.

00:16:08,843 --> 00:16:11,179

It's like I just feel

he's our son, you know?

00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:12,639

Right.

That's mother's intuition.

00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:14,015

You can't argue with that.

00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:16,476

No, Stan. I think the only way

you're gonna get rid of him

00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:18,603

is by staying clear of drugs

and alcohol.

00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:20,563

Right.

00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:35,120

Okay. Very nice.

Very nice.

00:16:35,245 --> 00:16:37,080

Oh, wait. God damn it.

Felipe!

00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:38,081

The Classic Brown poop

00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:39,582

is supposed to go

in the parents' bedroom.

00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:41,501

The living room is supposed to

be all Baby Green poop.

00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:43,503

¿Qué?

¿La caca no esta aquí?

00:16:43,628 --> 00:16:45,255

¿La caca de moreno alta, sí?

00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:47,007

Aquí es verde, señor!

Es verde!

00:16:47,132 --> 00:16:48,383

Arriba! Arriba!

- Sí. Sí, señor.

00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:49,592

Bien, gracias.

¿Y tú?

00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:51,219

Carlos!

Carlos, no!

00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:53,430

We want a textured effect

on the Nut n' Corn Crunch poop.

00:16:53,555 --> 00:16:55,724

That's why we spackle

with the sponge, see?

00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:57,600

Spackle gently.

La marrado.

00:16:57,726 --> 00:16:59,019

Gently, see?

Marrado.

00:16:59,144 --> 00:17:00,186

Sí, marrado.

00:17:00,311 --> 00:17:02,313

Marrado. Spectacular.

- Sí.

00:17:02,439 --> 00:17:04,107

Oh, it's so hard

to find good help.

00:17:04,232 --> 00:17:06,026

Ah! Butters.

Like what you're seeing so far?

00:17:06,151 --> 00:17:07,861

Boy, it sure is stinky in here.

00:17:07,986 --> 00:17:09,029

Well, 300 gallons of poop

00:17:09,154 --> 00:17:10,488

isn't gonna smell

like a garden, Butters.

00:17:10,613 --> 00:17:11,948

But I think it's coming together

real nice.

00:17:12,073 --> 00:17:13,241

Look, Eric, I've been thinking.

00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,368

My parents are gonna be

awful sore, and I don't --

00:17:15,493 --> 00:17:17,287

Yes. Well, then I've done

my job, haven't I?

00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:18,580

Pepite!

Pepite, no!

00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:20,665

No come la taco la trabajar!

00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:25,253

Well, it's hard to find work

in commercials, so I ended up --

00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:26,254

Oh, Stan.

00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:28,923

Oh. Dude.

How's it going, man?

00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:31,634

Hey, you want to go upstairs

and play hide-and-go-seek?

00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:32,761

Hide-and-go-seek, huh?

00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:35,138

Yeah. Stan, why don't you go

upstairs and play with yourself?

00:17:35,263 --> 00:17:37,265

I don't believe

that he's my future self.

00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,434

But we can't be sure,

so we better assume he is

00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,853

and never try that first

marijuana cigarette, huh?

00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:44,439

No. I-I actually have a way

to be sure.

00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,024

I'm going to cut off my hand.

00:17:46,149 --> 00:17:48,610

If he is my future self,

then his hand will disappear.

00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:50,111

S-Stanley,

you don't need to do that.

00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:51,571

He is your future self.

00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:53,073

But I have to know for sure.

00:17:53,198 --> 00:17:54,240

Don't be silly, Stan.

00:17:54,365 --> 00:17:56,201

You don't want to go through

life without one of your hands.

00:17:56,326 --> 00:17:58,244

Maybe it's the hand I smoked

that first joint with.

00:17:58,369 --> 00:18:00,413

Here I go.

I'm gonna do it.

00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:01,748

Stan.

00:18:01,873 --> 00:18:03,333

Yes?

00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:04,959

Uh, nothing.

Go ahead.

00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:05,919

Randy!

00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:08,004

Aah!

00:18:08,129 --> 00:18:10,840

[ Screams ]

Oh, my God! Look!

00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:12,926

Aah!

00:18:13,051 --> 00:18:14,511

Why, his hand did disappear!

- Oh! Oh, God!

00:18:14,636 --> 00:18:17,305

He is you from the future!

- Oh, Jesus Christ!

00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:18,431

Help me!

00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:20,433

That's weird, because I didn't

really cut off my hand.

00:18:20,558 --> 00:18:22,185

It was fake.

00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:25,146

Uh, look. It was fake

in the future, too.

00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:28,233

Looks like you better watch out

for marijuana, huh, Stan?

00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:31,611

Well, Butters,

I hope you like the work.

00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:33,822

I'm sure your parents will be

plenty pissed off.

00:18:33,947 --> 00:18:35,448

And after my parents get angry,

00:18:35,573 --> 00:18:37,283

how do we get the poop

off the walls?

00:18:37,408 --> 00:18:38,827

Ooh.

Uh, that's a different company.

00:18:38,952 --> 00:18:40,036

[ Doorbell rings ]

Oh, someone's here.

00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:42,413

We'd better run out the back.

Pepite! Carlos! Vamanos!

00:18:42,539 --> 00:18:44,415

B-But, Cartman, wait!

00:18:44,541 --> 00:18:46,584

Oh, Christmas.

00:18:46,709 --> 00:18:47,961

Butters!

- Oh! Stan!

00:18:48,086 --> 00:18:50,505

Butters, we've g--

Oh, God, it smells in here.

00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:53,591

Yeah. Well, 300 gallons of poop

isn't gonna smell like a garden.

00:18:53,716 --> 00:18:55,218

Butters, we're running away.

- We are?

00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:57,053

Our parents are never gonna

admit what they did was wrong,

00:18:57,178 --> 00:18:58,096

and they're never gonna change.

00:18:58,221 --> 00:19:00,014

What the hell is this?!

00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:01,766

Oh, my God!

Our house!

00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:04,144

Oh, geez.

I'm gonna get it now.

00:19:04,269 --> 00:19:06,980

Butters! Do you have

an explanation for this?!

00:19:07,105 --> 00:19:09,315

Well, not really, sir.

I-I just thought --

00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,442

Wait a minute, Chris.

Don't you see?

00:19:11,568 --> 00:19:12,902

This might be our fault.

00:19:13,027 --> 00:19:13,903

W-- I--

00:19:14,028 --> 00:19:15,655

My God.

You're right, Linda.

00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:18,032

This is what we get

for deceiving our son.

00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:19,492

- Huh?!

- Butters, listen.

00:19:19,617 --> 00:19:22,745

The whole future-self thing,

well, it was a dirty fib.

00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:24,998

We just so desperately

wanted you to never try drugs

00:19:25,123 --> 00:19:26,457

that we used a big scare tactic

00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:28,293

instead of telling you

the truth.

00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:30,795

We thought the ends justified

the means, but they don't.

00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,463

They just don't, son!

00:19:32,589 --> 00:19:34,174

[ Sobs ]

00:19:34,299 --> 00:19:37,010

We're sorry, baby.

[ Sobs ]

00:19:37,135 --> 00:19:38,469

Get the fuck out of here.

00:19:38,595 --> 00:19:40,388

Stan! Stan!

Oh! Okay.

00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:43,391

Uh, y-you might be wondering why

Butters has a future self, too.

00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:46,144

You see, son, the time matrix

pulled in more people

00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:47,937

from the future --

- Oh, stop it, you guys!

00:19:48,062 --> 00:19:49,522

I know all about

Motivation Corp!

00:19:49,647 --> 00:19:52,108

All I've been trying to get you

to do is admit you lied to me.

00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:53,276

Oh.

00:19:53,401 --> 00:19:55,904

Well, son, we've just been

trying to make sure

00:19:56,029 --> 00:19:58,156

you know how dangerous

drugs like pot are.

00:19:58,281 --> 00:19:59,574

I've been told a lot

of things about pot,

00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,326

but I've come to find out a lot

of those things aren't true,

00:20:01,451 --> 00:20:02,410

so I don't know what to believe.

00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,245

Well, Stan, the truth is

00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:06,456

marijuana probably isn't

going to make you kill people,

00:20:06,581 --> 00:20:09,000

and it most likely

isn't gonna fund terrorists.

00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:11,794

But, well, son, pot makes you

feel fine with being bored,

00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:12,921

and it's when you're bored

00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:14,589

that you should be learning

some new skill

00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:17,217

or discovering some new science

or being creative.

00:20:17,342 --> 00:20:19,260

If you smoke pot,

you may grow up to find out

00:20:19,385 --> 00:20:20,970

that you aren't good

at anything.

00:20:21,095 --> 00:20:23,139

I really, really wish

you just would've told me that

00:20:23,264 --> 00:20:24,140

from the beginning.

00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:25,141

He's right.

00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:28,019

If we use lies and exaggerations

to keep kids off drugs,

00:20:28,144 --> 00:20:30,188

then they're never gonna believe

anything we tell them.

00:20:30,313 --> 00:20:32,607

Well, there's only one person

I can blame.

00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:34,651

Motivation Corp.

00:20:34,776 --> 00:20:35,818

Oh, God!

00:20:35,944 --> 00:20:38,488

Who smeared crap

all over our walls?!

00:20:38,613 --> 00:20:40,990

Oh, Jesus!

It smells! Oh!

00:20:41,115 --> 00:20:42,659

You really did a nice job, Eric.

00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:44,118

Yeah. I got to admit

you really came through.

00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:44,953

Thank you.

00:20:45,078 --> 00:20:46,996

I thought the Hangover Black

went really nice in the lobby.

00:20:47,121 --> 00:20:49,916

Here, Eric. I cooked you a huge

box of cookies as a present.

00:20:50,041 --> 00:20:51,084

Thanks.

00:20:51,209 --> 00:20:53,169

But, you know, all this talk

about future selves

00:20:53,294 --> 00:20:55,713

has made me think maybe I should

take better care of myself.

00:20:55,838 --> 00:20:58,049

I mean, maybe I should think

about who I'm gonna become.

00:20:58,174 --> 00:21:00,468

Attaboy, Eric.

You made the right choice.

00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,178

Who the hell are you?

[ Chuckles ]

00:21:02,303 --> 00:21:04,681

It's me -- Cartman.

You from the future.

00:21:04,806 --> 00:21:06,724

I came back to tell you

that this is the day

00:21:06,849 --> 00:21:08,184

you turn it all around.

00:21:08,309 --> 00:21:10,728

You stop eating junk food,

you start studying harder,

00:21:10,853 --> 00:21:12,480

you stay away from drugs

and alcohol,

00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:16,234

and you become CEO

of your own time-travel company.

00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:19,070

Oh, wow! Really?

That's so awesome!

00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:21,155

Now I'll really work

to be successful!

00:21:21,281 --> 00:21:22,115

Right on!

00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:23,908

Go have sex with yourself,

asshole!

00:21:24,033 --> 00:21:25,159

I'm not that stupid.

00:21:25,285 --> 00:21:27,245

Just for that, I'm gonna spend

my whole childhood

00:21:27,370 --> 00:21:29,706

eating what I want

and doing drugs when I want.

00:21:29,831 --> 00:21:31,374

Whatever!

I do what I want!

00:21:31,499 --> 00:21:32,834

No! Wait!

00:21:32,959 --> 00:21:34,335

[ Electricity crackles ]

00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:36,963

Oh!

God damn it!