Возвращение братства кольца в две башни — Друзья, увлечённые «Властелином колец», должны вернуть видеокассету с порнографией в прокат до того, как у них её отберут шестиклассники.

Предыдущая серия S06 E12 Лестница в небо

Следующая серия S06 E14 Концлагерь терпимости

Возвращение братства кольца в две башни

The Return of the Fellowship of the Ring to the Two Towers

Сезон: 06Серия: 13

Описание

Друзья, увлечённые «Властелином колец», должны вернуть видеокассету с порнографией в прокат до того, как у них её отберут шестиклассники.

Субтитры

00:00:33,566 --> 00:00:35,652 Эпизод 613 "Возвращение братвы и кольца к двум башням" Перевод: Богдан Усенко.
00:00:35,923 --> 00:00:39,753 О, Великий Волшебник Пендальф. Какую задачу поставишь ты перед этими Странником и Паладином?
00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:45,478 Только одна вещь может спасти наше королевство. Вы должны принести мне кусок орехового пирога с ирисовым мороженым и волшебные деньги. Бегом!
00:00:45,691 --> 00:00:47,313 Это отстойное задание, Картман! Придумай чё-нить другое!
00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:52,147 О, мальчики, родители Баттерса хотят попросить у нас посмотреть кассетку "Властелин колец". Не могли бы вы отнести её им?
00:00:53,217 --> 00:00:57,539 Ты посылаешь нас на... задание? Ты просишь нас отнести видео-кассету в Дом Баттерса?
00:00:57,825 --> 00:00:58,683 Да, по-любому.
00:00:58,897 --> 00:01:00,991 Это будет долгое путешествие со множеством опасностей в пути.
00:01:01,081 --> 00:01:03,618 Но если кассета должна быть доставлена в Дом Баттерса, то кто другой сможет это сделать?
00:01:03,737 --> 00:01:06,963 Очень хорошо, мы отправимся на это задание немедленно, отец! Вперед, воины!
00:01:06,983 --> 00:01:07,700 Хо!
00:01:09,929 --> 00:01:11,651 Хмм, это избавит от них.
00:01:11,781 --> 00:01:13,274 Ах ты маленький шалун!
00:01:13,374 --> 00:01:20,419 Ага, ну в общем, "Властелин колец" - не единственная кассета, которую я взял на прокат в видеосалоне. Еще я взял... порнуху.
00:01:21,111 --> 00:01:22,486 Ууу, ты маленький чертёнок.
00:01:23,006 --> 00:01:24,093 Ты... хочешь посмотреть?
00:01:25,461 --> 00:01:28,882 Каким путем мы отправимся к дому Баттерса? Через шахты Эндора или горы Грога?
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:31,340 Осторожно! Приближается великий дракон Перенграф!
00:01:31,448 --> 00:01:35,194 Не волнуйтесь! Я великий волшебник Мотортарт. Я могу защитить вас от драконова пламени.
00:01:37,114 --> 00:01:38,151 Отличная работа, волшебник.
00:01:38,289 --> 00:01:42,440 Итак, братва продвигается вперед: великий Волшебник, опытный Странник и жадный Еврей.
00:01:42,645 --> 00:01:44,013 Я Паладин, Картман!
00:01:44,514 --> 00:01:45,642 Еврей не может быть Паладином.
00:01:48,114 --> 00:01:49,463 Эй, ковбой.
00:01:49,726 --> 00:01:51,638 Ты готова к горячему пореву?
00:01:51,887 --> 00:01:52,761 Ещё как готова!
00:01:53,235 --> 00:01:59,817 Парни в офисе сказали, чтобы я взял именно эту порнуху. Они сказали, что "это, без сомнения, самое жесткое порно из всего, когда-либо сделанного."
00:02:00,268 --> 00:02:01,271 Звучит неплохо.
00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:06,436 Я тащусь от этого белья. Да! Тебе нравится?
00:02:06,763 --> 00:02:07,695 Уууу, да, малыш.
00:02:08,211 --> 00:02:10,588 Дааааа. Отлично, ты готова?
00:02:10,857 --> 00:02:11,500 Готова!
00:02:11,842 --> 00:02:12,500 О да.
00:02:14,550 --> 00:02:21,763 История берет начало в далёкой древности, в глубине Средиземья, где Скорн первым процветал в королевстве Джелджелар.
00:02:21,963 --> 00:02:24,229 О блин, ненавижу, когда в порнухе пытаются сделать сюжет.
00:02:24,809 --> 00:02:27,385 Семь колец было отдано расе людей.
00:02:33,735 --> 00:02:36,446 Ух ты, уровень качества этой порнухи просто удивляет.
00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:46,037 Да уж, это выглядит почти как... Властелин ко... О БОЖЕ МОЙ! Это же "Властелин колец"!
00:02:46,634 --> 00:02:47,542 Но тогда это значит...!
00:02:48,008 --> 00:02:50,293 У мальчиков самое жесткое порно из когда-либо сделанного!
00:02:53,851 --> 00:02:54,893 О, привет, мальчики.
00:02:55,242 --> 00:02:57,869 Мой отец попросил, чтобы мы принесли вам эту кассету с "Властелином колец".
00:02:58,378 --> 00:03:00,205 Отлично, спасибо вам огромнейшее, прирожденные герои.
00:03:00,449 --> 00:03:03,049 Возможно, нам полагается награда. Золото? Франкенштэйнценты?
00:03:03,374 --> 00:03:06,327 О, но вы же благородные герои! Мы знаем, что нашей благодарности будет достаточно.
00:03:08,305 --> 00:03:09,126 Блин, это дерьмо.
00:03:10,856 --> 00:03:14,127 Баттерс, посмотри, что мы тебе принесли посмотреть: "Властелин Колец".
00:03:14,537 --> 00:03:16,766 Ух ты! Наконец-то я посмотрю его!
00:03:16,908 --> 00:03:20,626 Теперь мы с папой должны идти работать, чтобы заплатить налоги, так что ты можешь сам его посмотреть и не пугаться!
00:03:20,793 --> 00:03:22,586 О, я не собираюсь пугаться, мама. Обещаю!
00:03:22,891 --> 00:03:24,854 Вот это наш мужик. Ну, мы пошли.
00:03:28,383 --> 00:03:31,278 О ля ля! Я наконец-то посмотрю "Властелина колец".
00:03:35,119 --> 00:03:36,000 Хлопни по этой жопе.
00:03:37,301 --> 00:03:45,020 Ухты. Круто. Это ж зашибись.
00:03:46,191 --> 00:03:51,664 О боже мой, это будет так неудобно. "Привет, Крис, привет, Линда. Будет просто чудесно, если вы сможете вернуть нам нашу порнушку."
00:03:51,987 --> 00:03:53,932 Спокойно, может, мальчики ещё не донесли кассету.
00:03:54,855 --> 00:03:57,738 И вот братва возвращается домой после выполнения своей великой миссии.
00:03:57,883 --> 00:04:00,564 Кассета возвращена, и спокойствие опять вернулось в Южный Парк.
00:04:02,636 --> 00:04:04,004 Быстро! Чудовище Ривендэйла!
00:04:04,356 --> 00:04:05,199 Приготовиться к битве!
00:04:05,707 --> 00:04:06,500 Мальчики!
00:04:07,955 --> 00:04:10,062 Мальчики! Мальчики! Где кассета?
00:04:10,481 --> 00:04:12,798 Мы отдали её родителям Баттерса, как ты и приказывал.
00:04:12,936 --> 00:04:15,187 О, я думаю, что мы должны поговорить с ними прямо сейчас.
00:04:15,484 --> 00:04:20,320 Ладно, погодите минутку, эээ, мальчики, как вы думаете, вы могли бы для нас очень быстро вернуть обратно эту кассету?
00:04:22,618 --> 00:04:24,444 Это звучит как очень важное задание.
00:04:24,842 --> 00:04:30,250 Да, так и есть. Это самое важное из всего, что я когда-либо просил вас сделать. Вы должны вернуть плёнку.
00:04:30,300 --> 00:04:38,742 Но не смотрите её, эээ... потому что она наполнена злой силой. Верните плёнку и принесите её к нам домой. Сделайте это, и вы будете круто вознаграждены.
00:04:39,089 --> 00:04:40,026 Ух ты.
00:04:40,426 --> 00:04:41,765 Это... так круто.
00:04:41,898 --> 00:04:43,886 Джентльмены, двинули!
00:04:45,462 --> 00:04:46,803 Отлично, проблема решена.
00:04:56,077 --> 00:04:58,933 ...О боже мой, я так... ууу, ооо...
00:04:59,233 --> 00:04:59,981 Ну и ну. Эй, что происходит там внизу?
00:05:01,809 --> 00:05:03,234 Мы прибыли, чтобы укротить эту кассету!
00:05:05,565 --> 00:05:07,013 Эй, эй, че вы делаете!?
00:05:07,229 --> 00:05:10,592 Королева и Король Дома Стэна желают, чтобы "Властелин Колец" вернулся к ним.
00:05:10,724 --> 00:05:16,635 Но.., это же величайший из фильмов, которые я когда-либо смотрел. Вы, парни, были правы. "Властелин колец" - это просто зашибись! Эй, вы должны дать мне его досмотреть.
00:05:16,735 --> 00:05:19,465 Нет, Баттерс! Эта кассета должна быть возвращена в Дом Стэна!
00:05:22,442 --> 00:05:23,335 ВЭЭЭЭ!
00:05:23,423 --> 00:05:25,985 Баттерс! Мы же сказали, что тебе нельзя смотреть его! У нас есть задание!
00:05:26,292 --> 00:05:28,288 Ладно, тогда, можно, я пойду с вами?
00:05:28,559 --> 00:05:32,119 Ну ладно, Баттерс. Но если ты хочешь зависнуть с нами, ты должен играть как Властелин Колец.
00:05:32,596 --> 00:05:36,636 Оу, ладушки. Ы, ы, ы, ы, ы, ы, дааа.
00:05:36,637 --> 00:05:38,092 Баттерс, какого хера ты делаешь!?
00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:41,243 Играю во Властелина Колец. Ы, ууу, ы, о да.
00:05:41,247 --> 00:05:44,686 Отвали на хрен от меня! Ты уродец, Баттерс! Тебе нельзя играть с нами!
00:05:44,704 --> 00:05:45,664 Ну отдайте мне кассету!
00:05:45,667 --> 00:05:46,794 Нет, мы должны вернуть её!
00:05:48,502 --> 00:05:54,967 Мое кино! Мое офигительное классное кино. Моя... прелесть.
00:05:57,018 --> 00:06:00,095 Итак, кассета была снова добыта, чтобы возвратиться в Дом Стэна.
00:06:00,556 --> 00:06:03,136 Эта кассета "Властелин колец" сделала юного Баттерса просто ужасным.
00:06:03,300 --> 00:06:05,199 Угу, и мои родители тоже вели себя странно.
00:06:05,231 --> 00:06:07,694 Возможно, эта кассета содержит силы, о которых мы не знаем.
00:06:10,436 --> 00:06:14,118 Так так так! Неужели это Робин Гуд и его Весёлые Мужички!?
00:06:14,145 --> 00:06:15,338 Вот задница, это же шестиклассники!
00:06:15,639 --> 00:06:16,855 Ну и чё мы тут делаем?
00:06:16,971 --> 00:06:18,912 Ничего. Эй, пацан!
00:06:19,304 --> 00:06:21,672 "Властелин Колец"? Ха! Это отстойное кино!
00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:22,674 Сам ты отстойный!
00:06:23,291 --> 00:06:26,692 Какого х...? Зацените это, пацаны!
00:06:27,226 --> 00:06:28,222 Ух ты!
00:06:28,576 --> 00:06:30,715 Отдай! У нас задание - вернуть её моим родителям!
00:06:30,985 --> 00:06:33,418 Ни хрена! Мы оставим её себе и посмотрим сами!
00:06:33,840 --> 00:06:34,570 Вы не можете оставить её себе.
00:06:34,580 --> 00:06:37,588 Ну и что могут сделать с этим трое четвероклашек, а?
00:06:37,610 --> 00:06:40,651 Нас четверо! Душа Кенни всё ещё заперта в тебе Картмана!
00:06:40,657 --> 00:06:41,310 Да!
00:06:41,321 --> 00:06:43,783 О блин, я не могу дождаться, чтобы посмотреть её!
00:06:43,985 --> 00:06:45,840 Чувак, это видео делает людей странными.
00:06:45,918 --> 00:06:49,009 Эта кассета должна быть возвращена! Бежим!
00:06:49,088 --> 00:06:49,977 Взять их!
00:06:56,276 --> 00:06:57,759 О, привет, Рэнди, Шэрон.
00:06:57,910 --> 00:06:59,653 Эээ, Крис, а мальчики ещё тут?
00:07:00,398 --> 00:07:03,187 Нет, только Баттерс. Он смотрит "Властелина Колец" внизу.
00:07:03,674 --> 00:07:04,396 Вот блин!
00:07:04,915 --> 00:07:05,747 В чём дело?
00:07:05,860 --> 00:07:12,752 Мы... эээ, это немного смешно, но, эээ, мы, мы случайно положили порнуху в коробку из-под "Властелина Колец".
00:07:14,628 --> 00:07:15,621 О, Боже!!
00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:18,098 Баттерс?
00:07:18,107 --> 00:07:21,835 Баттерс? Баттерс?
00:07:22,206 --> 00:07:25,362 Прелесть? Вы принесли обратно мою прелесть?
00:07:25,803 --> 00:07:27,827 Баттерс, где кино, которое ты смотрел?
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:34,764 Они забрали нашу прелесть, унесли её, чтобы смотреть без нас. Нам тоже очень понравилось это кино! Моя... прелесть.
00:07:36,177 --> 00:07:40,001 Наверное, мальчики пришли и увидели, что это за кино... и тогда они куда-то унесли его.
00:07:40,133 --> 00:07:41,269 О, нет.
00:07:47,340 --> 00:07:49,744 Мы не можем позволить этим шестиклассникам получить кассету.
00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:54,424 Я должен сказать, что согласен. Если этот "Властелин Колец" содержит проклятие, то он станет опасен в злых руках.
00:07:54,855 --> 00:07:56,303 Я чую четвероклашек!
00:07:56,684 --> 00:07:57,400 Вот задница, блин!
00:07:57,530 --> 00:07:58,050 Прячься!
00:08:08,712 --> 00:08:11,252 Эй. Мне кажется, что я слышал что-то внизу.
00:08:13,766 --> 00:08:14,548 Фух.
00:08:14,668 --> 00:08:16,474 Фух. Эта кассета приобретает нехилую популярность.
00:08:16,491 --> 00:08:18,505 Ага. Баттерс, мои родители, теперь шестиклассники.
00:08:18,845 --> 00:08:22,220 Потопали, парни. Мы должны представить её на суд Высшего Эльфа Парагона.
00:08:22,530 --> 00:08:24,434 Ага, высший Эльф. Он знает, что нужно делать.
00:08:26,747 --> 00:08:31,478 Вот такая складывается ситуация. Все мальчики где-то там с... порнографическим фильмом.
00:08:31,697 --> 00:08:33,722 О боже, это... это ужасно!
00:08:34,121 --> 00:08:40,789 На ладно, успокойтесь. Так, давайте выясним, насколько ужасна эта кассета? Я имею ввиду, это типа "Бешеные промежности 3"?
00:08:41,226 --> 00:08:43,984 Я б... боюсь... Это "Тайные шлюхи 9".
00:08:44,339 --> 00:08:45,558 "Тайные шлюхи 9"!???
00:08:45,972 --> 00:08:46,889 Это плохо?
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:50,352 По сравнению с "Тайными шлюхами 9" "Бешеные промежности 3" выглядят, как "Капризные няньки 2"!
00:08:50,612 --> 00:08:55,155 Э, это самое мерзкое, извращенное порно из всего, когда-либо сделанного.
00:08:55,294 --> 00:08:56,520 И откуда же ты это знаешь!?
00:08:56,642 --> 00:08:59,290 Я, эээ, читал об этом в "Пипл".
00:08:59,437 --> 00:09:01,934 О, это просто отлично! Как вы могли быть такими беззаботными!?
00:09:02,030 --> 00:09:02,969 Нам очень жаль.
00:09:03,344 --> 00:09:08,434 Так, Шэйла, мы же не можем навсегда оградить наших детей от этих вещей. Может быть, нет ничего страшного в том, что они посмотрят взрослое кино?
00:09:08,546 --> 00:09:12,560 Только под присмотром родителей, чтобы вложить в это правильный смысл. А то они не поймут ничего из того, что увидят!
00:09:12,734 --> 00:09:14,853 Это же не может причинить им сильный вред, правда?
00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:20,683 Прелессссть. Дайте мне посмотреть мою прелессссть. Пожалуйста!
00:09:27,172 --> 00:09:30,213 Откройся, Бэллог.
00:09:32,182 --> 00:09:33,052 Чё вам, пацаны, надо?
00:09:33,152 --> 00:09:34,926 Мы должны говорить с Высшим эльфом Парагона.
00:09:35,668 --> 00:09:43,574 О. Лана, секундочку... Что тревожит вас?
00:09:44,332 --> 00:09:48,958 Мы обладаем вещью великой силы. Это... "Властелин колец".
00:09:49,955 --> 00:09:53,632 Ну и? У меня три копии. И ДВД с 12 часами дополнительных материалов.
00:09:53,733 --> 00:09:59,684 Да, но это... ух ты, 12 часов?... Да, но это необычная кассета. Она делает людей очень странными.
00:10:00,845 --> 00:10:03,936 Мы серьёзно, Высший Эльф. Что-то очень злое скрывается в этой кассете.
00:10:04,209 --> 00:10:10,342 Очень хорошо, соберу совет. Встретимся в Лесу Совета за домом Талангара Черного. И смотрите, чтобы моя мама вас не увидела, я то мне попадет.
00:10:10,542 --> 00:10:12,147 Благодарю тебя, Высший Эльф Парагон.
00:10:12,275 --> 00:10:13,745 Фарагон, придурок!
00:10:15,591 --> 00:10:16,372 Клайд - долбоёб!
00:10:18,795 --> 00:10:25,322 Так, внимание! Есть трое маленьких сопливых четвероклашек, у которых есть кассета в порнухой "Тайные шлюхи 9".
00:10:25,906 --> 00:10:27,047 Оооооо!
00:10:27,052 --> 00:10:33,286 Я прочитал про нее в инете и узнал, что "Тайные шлюхи 9" - самое жёсткое порно из всего, когда-либо сделанного.
00:10:33,555 --> 00:10:34,607 Ааааах!
00:10:34,807 --> 00:10:41,258 Я собрал эту армию шестиклассников, чтобы получить эту кассету во чтобы то ни стало! Так что, вперёд, добывать порнуху!
00:10:46,604 --> 00:10:51,777 Вот такая сложилась ситуация. Кассета либо содержит, либо не содержит в себе злую силу. Кайл, принеси, пожалуйста, её сюда.
00:10:55,135 --> 00:10:56,455 Аааахх.
00:10:56,823 --> 00:11:00,130 Может, это видео сделано злой силой Саурона?
00:11:00,259 --> 00:11:02,196 Оно может содержать какое-то заклятие.
00:11:02,350 --> 00:11:04,520 Возможно, мы сможет использовать его для увеличения мощи наших боевых кораблей.
00:11:08,613 --> 00:11:10,126 Кевин, твою ж мать!
00:11:13,021 --> 00:11:16,477 Послушайте, пока мы не оценим мощь этой кассеты на себе, мы не можем рисковать, чтобы она попала в чужие руки.
00:11:16,677 --> 00:11:18,565 Но если мы посмотри её, то можем тоже попасть под заклятие.
00:11:18,860 --> 00:11:25,273 Это точно. Только Паладин высшего уровня может посмотреть кассету. Таким образом, я думаю, что это работа для тебя, Талангар Черный.
00:11:27,203 --> 00:11:36,121 Я не боюсь. Я пойду внутрь и посмотрю кассету, всего несколько секунд. Если я не вернусь через 2 минуты, засылайте братву за мной. Судьба Средиземья в моих руках.
00:11:41,565 --> 00:11:46,794 Четвероклашки! Отдайте нам порнуху!
00:11:49,055 --> 00:11:49,820 Мальчики?
00:11:50,128 --> 00:11:54,084 Мальчики, мы не злимся на вас. Мы просто хотим поговорить с вами.
00:11:56,728 --> 00:11:58,882 Талангар Черный возвращается с просмотра видео.
00:11:59,096 --> 00:12:02,916 Что ты увидел на кассете, Талангар? Это работа магии Саурона?
00:12:03,738 --> 00:12:04,772 Я больше не играю.
00:12:06,378 --> 00:12:07,524 Э, ну ладно, так что ты там увидел?
00:12:08,363 --> 00:12:10,674 Я не знаю, я не хочу знать. Я сваливаю.
00:12:17,115 --> 00:12:18,941 Боже мой, это, должно быть, действительно мощная штука.
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:20,903 Эта кассета уродует людей, несмотря ни на что.
00:12:20,910 --> 00:12:21,629 Что же мы будем с ней делать?
00:12:21,637 --> 00:12:26,594 Одно ясно точно: эта кассета не может быть доверена никому. Она должна быть возвращена в видео-салон, где она была взята на прокат.
00:12:26,827 --> 00:12:28,415 Ну, и откуда же эта кассета?
00:12:28,755 --> 00:12:30,633 Видео-салон "Две Башни". Это в Конифере.
00:12:30,745 --> 00:12:32,597 Конифер?? Путешествие туда займет много часов!
00:12:32,981 --> 00:12:36,264 Другого пути нет. Мы должны вернуть кассету до того, как она причинит ещё больший ущерб!
00:12:36,323 --> 00:12:37,126 Я пойду!
00:12:37,242 --> 00:12:41,385 Ха! Мы не можем доверять кому-либо, кто слабее гнома! Особенно малолетнему гному.
00:12:41,485 --> 00:12:42,200 Ты слишком молод.
00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:42,792 Тихо!
00:12:42,797 --> 00:12:43,812 Пацаны, это глупо.
00:12:43,893 --> 00:12:44,924 Вы ведете себя как толпа долбоёбов!
00:12:44,927 --> 00:12:48,606 Я возьму её! Я пойду в видео-салон.
00:12:48,944 --> 00:12:54,761 Это слишком далеко и слишком опасно - идти одному. Возьми с собой волшебника, гнома, воина, жреца и еврея.
00:12:54,938 --> 00:12:55,815 Паладина!
00:12:56,122 --> 00:13:02,191 Отлично. Вы будете братвой Властелина колец. Удачи. А мне нужно идти домой, пока я не получил люлей.
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:02,921 И я.
00:13:02,927 --> 00:13:03,845 Да, да, да.
00:13:04,662 --> 00:13:06,056 Нас будет только шестеро?
00:13:06,198 --> 00:13:09,417 Нет нет, нас семеро. Душа Кенни заперта внутри тела Картмана, помнишь?
00:13:09,588 --> 00:13:13,152 - Точно, идиот. - Да, к счастью, тело Картмана достаточно большое для нас двоих. - Заткнись, Кенни.
00:13:15,974 --> 00:13:21,282 Итак, наши герои прошли многие мили, чтобы вернуть "Властелина Колец" в видео-салон.
00:13:22,317 --> 00:13:24,589 Мы достигли Великого Ущелья Горы Уруралак.
00:13:25,444 --> 00:13:26,200 Осторожно!
00:13:27,058 --> 00:13:28,364 Нас чуть не убило.
00:13:28,693 --> 00:13:30,418 Злой колдун должен попытаться остановить нас!
00:13:30,536 --> 00:13:33,691 Точно. Кто-то или что-то не хочет, чтобы кассета вернулась в видео-салон.
00:13:37,471 --> 00:13:39,079 О! Привет всем.
00:13:39,462 --> 00:13:42,516 Стив, эээ, мы слышали, что несколько пацанов были здесь недавно.
00:13:42,691 --> 00:13:46,026 Ну да, мне кажется, что были, но уже ушли. А что случилось?
00:13:46,222 --> 00:13:51,580 Мы думаем, что наши мальчики могут показывать другим детям, эээ, порно-фильм.
00:13:51,811 --> 00:13:56,601 Ёлки! Но Токен никогда раньше не видел порнухи. Он ничего об этом не зна... О боже!
00:13:56,722 --> 00:13:57,450 Токен!
00:14:02,513 --> 00:14:07,210 Токен? Те мальчики, что приходили к тебе, показывали тебе кино?
00:14:09,350 --> 00:14:15,528 Токен? Ладно, Токен. Мы знаем, что ты шокирован тем, что ты увидел.
00:14:18,287 --> 00:14:30,350 Да, эээ... понимаешь, Токен... это называется порнографическим фильмом, эээ, в нём показываются половые отношения взрослого мужчины и взрослой женщины.
00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:39,226 Эээ, понимаешь, когда эээ, когда мужчина и женщина влюбляются, мужчина вставляет свой пенис женщине в вагину. Это называется заниматься любовью, и это является неотъемлемой частью состояния влюбленности.
00:14:41,712 --> 00:14:49,800 А когда в женщину вставляют 4 пениса одновременно, а потом она становится над мужчиной и писает на него, это тоже является частью влюбленности?
00:14:49,900 --> 00:14:54,743 Пять энергичных мужиков, одетых в чём мать родила. Это тоже называется любовью?
00:14:55,408 --> 00:14:57,288 Господи, что это за порнуха такая??
00:14:57,526 --> 00:14:58,953 Это "Тайные шлюхи 9".
00:14:59,283 --> 00:15:00,890 О господи, только не это!
00:15:01,730 --> 00:15:05,436 О, Джеральд, бедный Кайл, наверное, очень шокирован и напуган, как этот бедный ребенок.
00:15:05,561 --> 00:15:10,431 Эээ, Токен, это очень важно: ты знаешь, куда пошли мальчики с этой безнравственной кассетой?
00:15:13,403 --> 00:15:15,783 Мы вторглись в во владения Бэйли. Всем держаться рядом.
00:15:15,949 --> 00:15:17,567 Возможно, Великий Стригущий Лишай Бэйли где-то рядом.
00:15:17,767 --> 00:15:19,789 Стригущий Лишай не подходит гномам.
00:15:19,957 --> 00:15:24,043 Парни, мы уничтожим Лишай и захватим его сокровища! Нам нужно идти ту...
00:15:24,047 --> 00:15:25,326 Я наложил на тебя заклятие!
00:15:25,584 --> 00:15:26,935 А я блокировал твоё заклятие, колдун!
00:15:27,404 --> 00:15:28,404 Эй, чё вы делаете, чуваки?
00:15:28,824 --> 00:15:30,087 Мы играем в Гарри Поттера.
00:15:31,489 --> 00:15:33,396 Ха!! Педики!!
00:15:37,655 --> 00:15:39,290 Эй, пацаны. Кто-то идёт за нами.
00:15:39,459 --> 00:15:40,205 Это Баттерс.
00:15:40,245 --> 00:15:40,750 Баттерс?
00:15:40,794 --> 00:15:42,708 Да. Он идёт за нами уже около двух часов.
00:15:45,891 --> 00:15:48,706 Прелестная видеокассета. Д-дайте Баттерсу увидеть её.
00:15:49,107 --> 00:15:50,386 Просто не обращайте на него внимание - может он отвалит.
00:15:51,108 --> 00:15:53,321 Это братаны, может, мы чуток передохнем?
00:15:53,463 --> 00:15:55,024 Нет времени на отдых, чародей! Двигаем!
00:16:01,399 --> 00:16:05,534 Они приближаются. Парни, идите вперёд.
00:16:05,536 --> 00:16:06,597 Джимми, ты уверен?
00:16:06,923 --> 00:16:36,130 Идите! Вы не пррр..? Вы не пырр..! Вы не пппп. Вы не пройд...! Вы не пррр! Вы не пыр-пыр-пыр! Вы не пппройдёте!
00:16:37,169 --> 00:16:38,140 Джимми не остановил их!
00:16:38,147 --> 00:16:39,780 Они отберут у нас "Властелина Колец".
00:16:39,933 --> 00:16:42,557 Быстро! Переходим реку! Шестиклассники не полезут в воду!
00:16:42,656 --> 00:16:43,801 Что? Это глупо.
00:16:43,965 --> 00:16:47,016 Я белый волшебник высшего уровня, Крэг, и я говорю, что шестиклассники боятся воды!
00:16:47,022 --> 00:16:49,620 Да пофигу. Я иду обратно играть в Гарри Поттера с теми пацанами.
00:16:49,627 --> 00:16:50,447 И я.
00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:54,943 Ну и валите и играйте в Гарри Сраного Ебучего Поттера!
00:16:55,214 --> 00:16:56,686 Просто переходим реку! Они приближаются!
00:17:03,218 --> 00:17:05,304 Так чего встали, пацаны!? Отбирайте кассету!
00:17:05,583 --> 00:17:06,843 Чувак, я не хочу намокнуть.
00:17:06,934 --> 00:17:08,570 Ага, я сильно не люблю воду.
00:17:08,577 --> 00:17:10,799 Кроме того, если наши велики намокнут, то их цепи заржавеют.
00:17:10,922 --> 00:17:13,399 Вот чёрт. Ладно, поехали. Мы найдем мост.
00:17:17,067 --> 00:17:20,556 Миссия по возвращению "Властелина Колец" в видео-салон продолжается.
00:17:21,048 --> 00:17:22,783 Чувак, нам не надо было переходить эту идиотскую речку.
00:17:23,164 --> 00:17:25,603 Да, отличная работа, Волшебник Жиробас. Теперь мы совсем заблудились.
00:17:25,679 --> 00:17:31,924 - Мы не заблудились, Жидгард Жидлинградский, просто мы не знаем, где мы находимся! - Это как раз и означает, что мы заблудились, идиот! - Кенни, бляха-муха, закрой пасть!
00:17:31,927 --> 00:17:34,864 Вот зашибись! Мы в самом центре неизвестности, и никто не знает, в каком направлении идти к видео-салону!
00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:37,021 Баттерс знает.
00:17:37,296 --> 00:17:38,005 О братан!
00:17:38,456 --> 00:17:42,492 Видео-салон. Даааа. Не очень далеко отсюда. Мы можем показать, где это.
00:17:42,703 --> 00:17:43,200 Где!?
00:17:43,260 --> 00:17:46,334 Сначала всего лишь дайте Баттерсу увидеть свою прелессссть.
00:17:46,488 --> 00:17:49,948 Нет, Баттерс. Посмотри, что она с тобой сделала. Она сделал тебя ещё большим придурком, чем ты был раньше.
00:17:50,144 --> 00:17:51,143 Если такое вообще возможно.
00:17:51,847 --> 00:17:54,106 Скажи нам, как добраться до видео-салона, Баттерс, или мы надаём тебе люлей!
00:17:54,112 --> 00:17:59,483 Аааа. Никто не будет бить Баттерса. Мы покажем вам дорогу. Даааа. Сюда.
00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:05,987 Это ужасно! Я представляю, как с каждой проходящей минутой маленький Кайл смотрит на всё новые и новые развратные половые акты!
00:18:05,997 --> 00:18:09,318 Мы найдем их. И тогда мы сможем представить всё в правильном свете.
00:18:09,651 --> 00:18:12,937 Смотрите! Это один из мальчиков! Джимми!
00:18:13,174 --> 00:18:16,368 Джимми! Джимми! Куда пошли мальчики с порно-кассетой??
00:18:16,636 --> 00:18:21,309 Они понесли её в ви... ви... ви...
00:18:21,867 --> 00:18:23,208 Ну давай, Джимми, у нас мало времени.
00:18:23,419 --> 00:18:26,437 Они понесли её обратно в видео-с... в видео-с...
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:28,345 Видео-сэндвич?
00:18:28,830 --> 00:18:29,954 Видео-скотобаза.
00:18:30,142 --> 00:18:31,601 Что такое видео-скотобаза, Джимми?
00:18:31,607 --> 00:18:35,082 Нет, видео-сс... видео-сс... ых.
00:18:35,087 --> 00:18:35,500 Сало?
00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:38,367 Сауна. Они пошли в видео-сауну. Где это , Джимми?
00:18:38,372 --> 00:18:41,678 Н-н-нет, вы придурки! Видео-сс...салон!
00:18:41,973 --> 00:18:43,070 Видео-салон!
00:18:43,857 --> 00:18:44,582 Быстро! Быстро!
00:18:44,587 --> 00:18:45,575 Я знаю, где это!
00:18:55,068 --> 00:18:56,556 О нет! Закрыто!
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:57,458 Закрыто!?
00:18:57,487 --> 00:18:58,200 Вот где они!
00:18:59,589 --> 00:19:01,727 Не дайте им вернуть её в видео-салон!
00:19:02,053 --> 00:19:02,960 Нам пиздец.
00:19:03,015 --> 00:19:07,005 Погодите. Ящик возврата. Быстро, Кайл, бросай кассету внутрь!
00:19:07,584 --> 00:19:09,445 Наконец-то. Всё кончилось.
00:19:09,771 --> 00:19:12,838 Прелесть. Должен получить мою прелесть. Вааа!
00:19:12,980 --> 00:19:13,707 Баттерс! Нет!
00:19:14,064 --> 00:19:15,408 Наконец-то она у нас!
00:19:17,165 --> 00:19:17,976 Они приближаются!
00:19:19,777 --> 00:19:20,500 Её нужно вернуть!
00:19:20,572 --> 00:19:22,400 Она хочет остаться с мальчиком Баттерсом.
00:19:22,436 --> 00:19:23,971 Вот она! Отдайте мне кассету!
00:19:26,483 --> 00:19:27,408 Отпусти кассету, Баттерс!
00:19:27,721 --> 00:19:28,744 Никогда не отпущу!
00:19:28,757 --> 00:19:29,450 Отлично!
00:19:29,925 --> 00:19:31,114 Прелесть!
00:19:31,684 --> 00:19:36,789 Нееет! Нееет! Черт!
00:19:36,994 --> 00:19:39,272 Вот блин, теперь мы никогда не увидим порева.
00:19:39,513 --> 00:19:41,567 Вы тупые маленькие четвероклашки!
00:19:41,849 --> 00:19:45,177 Кассета возвращена туда, откуда пришла. Теперь она потеряла свою силу.
00:19:45,299 --> 00:19:46,519 В Средиземье опять наступил мир.
00:19:46,662 --> 00:19:49,557 Да? И что же остановит нас, когда мы начнём выдавать вам пиздюлей!?
00:19:50,410 --> 00:19:50,900 О нет.
00:19:56,733 --> 00:19:57,561 Мальчики! Мальчики!
00:19:57,802 --> 00:20:03,369 Дерьмо! Родители! Валим отсюда, пацаны. Увидимся в другой раз, малолетки!
00:20:05,367 --> 00:20:08,241 Да, это вполне возможно. Но пока армия шестиклашек потерпела поражение.
00:20:08,483 --> 00:20:09,300 Вот вы где!
00:20:09,553 --> 00:20:10,981 О, Кайл! С тобой все в порядке!
00:20:11,168 --> 00:20:14,120 Эээ, привет, чуваки. А мы как раз собирались домой. Нам тока надо было вернуть кассету.
00:20:14,289 --> 00:20:23,450 Эээ, ну, теперь послушайте, дети. Есть кое-что, что вам нужно знать, чтобы всё понять правильно. Понимаете, мужчина сует пенис женщине в вагину не только для любви, но и для наслаждения.
00:20:23,500 --> 00:20:31,780 Но иногда женщина ложится на мужчину сверху так, чтобы, чтобы гениталии друг друга оказались напротив их ртов. Это называется поза 69, и это нормально.
00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:37,165 Понимаете, мальчики, у женщины очень чувствительная вагина и ей очень приятно, когда пенис находится у неё внутри.
00:20:37,265 --> 00:20:47,755 Правильно, но иногда женщина использует для наслаждения всякие другие вещи. Телефоны, стэплеры, журналы. Это все потому, что нервные окончания в вагине очень чувствительны, это как щекотка.
00:20:48,122 --> 00:20:54,899 Теперь о двойном проникновении, мальчики. Понимаете, иногда женщина занимается сексом с несколькими мужчинами, и каждый мужчина занимается любовью с разными отверстиями.
00:20:55,107 --> 00:20:59,234 Правильно. Взрослые иногда занимаются этим с очень хорошими друзьями в удобном помещении.
00:20:59,334 --> 00:21:04,080 И это очень важно, чтобы вы поняли, почему некоторые люди решают помочиться друг на друга.
00:21:04,292 --> 00:21:12,180 Пописать или покакать на своего любовника - это то, что некоторые люди могут делать, но вы должны быть уверены, что ваш партнёр не возражает против этого.
00:21:12,392 --> 00:21:14,470 Ну ладно, мальчики. У вас есть вопросы?
00:21:18,782 --> 00:21:19,620 ... Хуясе!
00:21:23,952 --> 00:21:24,944 Ну, теперь пора ехать.
00:21:25,192 --> 00:21:26,799 Да, поехали, мальчики. Пора домой.
00:21:30,370 --> 00:21:31,706 Погодите-ка. В где Баттерс?
00:21:33,048 --> 00:21:36,853 Наша прелесть у нас! Прелессссть! Прелесссть!

00:00:09,010 --> 00:00:12,013 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:13,889 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:15,683 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:15,808 --> 00:00:18,602 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,688 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,813 --> 00:00:22,106 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
00:00:22,231 --> 00:00:25,401 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,194 ♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪
00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:28,612 ♪ Timmy, Timmy, liv-a-la, Timmy! ♪
00:00:28,738 --> 00:00:32,533 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
00:00:35,453 --> 00:00:37,121 Oh, great Wizard of Gregendath,
00:00:37,246 --> 00:00:39,331 what quest do you ask of this ranger and paladin?
00:00:39,457 --> 00:00:41,167 Only one thing can save our kingdom.
00:00:41,292 --> 00:00:42,835 You must bring me a piece of pecan pie
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,462 with toffee ice cream and Magic Shell.
00:00:44,587 --> 00:00:45,296 Hurry, now!
00:00:45,421 --> 00:00:47,089 That quest sucks, Cartman. Think of another one.
00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:49,008 Uh, boys, Butters' parents want to borrow
00:00:49,133 --> 00:00:50,676 the "Lord of the Rings" video we rented.
00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:52,887 Could you take it over to them?
00:00:53,012 --> 00:00:54,722 You're sending us on...a quest?
00:00:54,847 --> 00:00:57,308 You ask of us to take the one video to the house of Butters?
00:00:57,433 --> 00:00:58,392 Yeah. Whatever.
00:00:58,517 --> 00:01:00,478 It shall be a long journey with many dangers on the way.
00:01:00,603 --> 00:01:02,688 But if the tape must be brought to the house of Butters,
00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:03,898 who else can do it? - Very well.
00:01:04,023 --> 00:01:05,816 We shall embark on this quest immediately, Father.
00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:07,943 Come, warriors! - Ho!
00:01:09,153 --> 00:01:11,280 Hm. That gets rid of them.
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,115 Ooh, you're a little frisky, aren't you?
00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:14,867 Well, uh, "The Lord of the Rings"
00:01:14,992 --> 00:01:17,369 wasn't the only thing I rented from the video store.
00:01:17,495 --> 00:01:20,372 I also rented...a porno.
00:01:20,498 --> 00:01:22,458 Oh, you little devil!
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:24,251 You want to go watch?
00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:26,545 How shall we journey to the house of Butters --
00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:28,964 through the mines of Vandor or over the mountains of Grach?
00:01:29,090 --> 00:01:31,133 Look out! Here comes the great dragon of Peringraf!
00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:33,010 Don't worry. I am the great wizard Molortork.
00:01:33,135 --> 00:01:34,678 I can shield us from the dragon's fire.
00:01:34,804 --> 00:01:36,430 A-beh-beh-beh-beh-beh-beh-beh!
00:01:36,555 --> 00:01:37,890 Good job, wizard.
00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:39,475 And so the party journeyed onward --
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,143 the great wizard, the skillful ranger,
00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:42,311 and the covetous Jew.
00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,063 I'm a paladin, Cartman!
00:01:44,188 --> 00:01:45,648 Jews can't be paladins.
00:01:47,483 --> 00:01:49,110 Hey, there, cowboy.
00:01:49,235 --> 00:01:51,445 You ready for some hot, steamy fun?
00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:52,613 You bet I am.
00:01:52,738 --> 00:01:55,449 The guys at the office told me I had to rent this porno.
00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:57,576 They said this is without a doubt
00:01:57,701 --> 00:01:59,703 <i>the</i> hottest porno ever made.
00:01:59,829 --> 00:02:01,288 Mm. Sounds good.
00:02:01,413 --> 00:02:03,916 I love that lingerie.
00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:06,377 Yeah. You like that?
00:02:06,502 --> 00:02:07,628 Mm. Yeah, baby.
00:02:07,753 --> 00:02:09,088 Yeah.
00:02:09,213 --> 00:02:11,173 - All right. You ready? - Ready.
00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:12,216 Oh, yeah.
00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:16,303 <i>The story begins in ages past,</i>
00:02:16,428 --> 00:02:18,430 <i>in the deep regions of Middle-earth,</i>
00:02:18,556 --> 00:02:21,475 <i>where Skorn first thrived in the kingdom of Gelgala.</i>
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:24,061 Oh, man, I hate when pornos try to have a story.
00:02:24,186 --> 00:02:27,022 <i>Seven rings were cast and given to the races of men.</i>
00:02:27,148 --> 00:02:28,399 Mm, yeah.
00:02:28,524 --> 00:02:30,401 <i>Seven to the races of elves,</i>
00:02:30,526 --> 00:02:33,320 <i>five to the Glundock Viladers of Gelgendol.</i>
00:02:33,445 --> 00:02:36,240 Wow. The production values are really good in this porno.
00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:38,242 Yeah. It almost looks like...
00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:39,952 "The Lord of the --"
00:02:40,077 --> 00:02:41,579 Oh, my God!
00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:45,916 This is "Lord of the Rings"!
00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:47,168 But then, does that mean...
00:02:47,293 --> 00:02:51,088 That the boys have the hottest porno ever made.
00:02:53,257 --> 00:02:54,800 Oh, hello, boys.
00:02:54,925 --> 00:02:56,635 My father has asked that we bring you this copy
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:57,678 of "Lord of the Rings".
00:02:57,803 --> 00:03:00,055 Well, thank you very much, kind heroes.
00:03:00,181 --> 00:03:02,975 Perhaps a reward is in order? Gold? Frankensteincense?
00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:06,770 Oh, but you are noble heroes. We know our thanks is enough.
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,106 Man, that's crap.
00:03:10,399 --> 00:03:12,443 Butters, look what we have for you to watch.
00:03:12,568 --> 00:03:14,111 "The Lord of the Rings."
00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:16,280 Oh, boy! Finally I get to see it!
00:03:16,405 --> 00:03:17,948 Now, Daddy and I have to do our taxes.
00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:20,409 So you can watch this by yourself and not get scared?
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,494 I won't get scared, Mom. Promise.
00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:25,289 That's our man. Here you go.
00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:29,043 Ooh-da-lolly!
00:03:29,168 --> 00:03:31,295 I finally get to see "Lord of the Rings"!
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,258 <i>Spank that ass.</i>
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,260 <i>Oh.</i>
00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:42,139 Neato.
00:03:43,057 --> 00:03:45,351 <i>Oh, yeah.</i> - This <i>is</i> good!
00:03:45,476 --> 00:03:48,062 Oh, my God. This is gonna be so embarrassing.
00:03:48,187 --> 00:03:49,313 "Hi, Chris. Hi, Linda.
00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:51,482 We were just wondering if we could get our porno back."
00:03:51,607 --> 00:03:53,943 Calm down. Maybe the boys haven't gotten there yet.
00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:55,986 And so the party returned home
00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:57,571 after completing their great quest.
00:03:57,696 --> 00:03:58,739 The one tape was returned,
00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:00,824 and South Park was again at peace.
00:04:02,201 --> 00:04:03,744 Quick! A monster of Rivendell!
00:04:03,869 --> 00:04:04,870 Prepare for battle!
00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:06,163 The boys!
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:09,875 Boys! Boys! Where's the videotape?
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,544 We gave it to the parents of Butters, as commanded by you.
00:04:12,670 --> 00:04:14,964 Oh. I guess we have to go talk to them now.
00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:16,298 Well, wait a minute.
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:17,967 Boys, do you think you can go
00:04:18,092 --> 00:04:20,261 get that tape back for us really fast?
00:04:22,346 --> 00:04:24,390 This sounds like a really important quest.
00:04:24,515 --> 00:04:25,307 Yes, it is.
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:26,767 This is more important than anything
00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:28,185 I have ever asked you to do.
00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:29,853 You must retrieve the tape.
00:04:29,979 --> 00:04:32,898 But do not look at it, uh, for it holds an evil power.
00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:35,901 Retrieve the tape and return it to us at home.
00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:38,654 Do this, and you will be greatly rewarded.
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:39,655 Wow.
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,490 This is so cool.
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,617 Gentlemen, we are off!
00:04:45,077 --> 00:04:46,620 Okay. Problem solved.
00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:54,378 <i>Like that. Just like that.</i>
00:04:54,503 --> 00:04:55,546 <i>Mm!</i>
00:04:55,671 --> 00:04:56,880 Oh, golly.
00:04:58,173 --> 00:05:00,426 Hey, what's happenin' down there?
00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:02,886 We have come to reclaim the one tape.
00:05:04,847 --> 00:05:06,849 Whoa! Whoa! What are you doing?!
00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:08,392 The queen and king of Stansizhouse
00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:10,311 wish "The Lord of the Rings" returned to them.
00:05:10,436 --> 00:05:12,187 But it's the greatest movie I've ever seen.
00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:14,523 You guys were right. "Lord of the Rings" <i>is</i> awesome.
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,358 Y-You're gonna have to let me finish watching it.
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:17,234 Nay, Butters!
00:05:17,359 --> 00:05:20,821 The one tape must be brought back to Stansizhouse.
00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:23,115 Aagh!
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,950 Butters! We said you can't watch it.
00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:25,951 We have a quest.
00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:28,120 Then...Then let me go with you.
00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:29,121 Okay. Fine, Butters.
00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:30,372 But if you're gonna hang out with us,
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:32,041 you have to play like "Lord of the Rings."
00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:33,459 Oh, okay!
00:05:33,584 --> 00:05:36,420 Yeah.
00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:38,005 Butters! What the hell are you doing?!
00:05:38,130 --> 00:05:39,173 Playing "Lord of the Rings."
00:05:39,298 --> 00:05:42,259 Yeah. - Get the hell off me!
00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:44,428 You're a freak, Butters! You can't play with us!
00:05:44,553 --> 00:05:47,222 Let me have the tape! - No. We have to return it.
00:05:48,307 --> 00:05:49,308 My movie.
00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:51,810 My awesome, cool movie.
00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:55,189 My...precious.
00:05:56,607 --> 00:05:58,359 And so the tape was again retrieved
00:05:58,484 --> 00:06:00,069 to be brought back to Stansizhouse.
00:06:00,194 --> 00:06:01,236 This copy of "Lord of the Rings"
00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:02,821 made the young Butters behave quite oddly.
00:06:02,946 --> 00:06:04,782 And mine parents were acting strange about it, too.
00:06:04,907 --> 00:06:07,618 Perhaps the one videotape has some power we have not foreseen.
00:06:10,162 --> 00:06:11,497 Well, well, well.
00:06:11,622 --> 00:06:13,749 If it isn't Robin Hood and his merry men.
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,334 Oh, crap. The sixth graders.
00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:17,378 What you got there? - Nothing.
00:06:17,503 --> 00:06:19,004 Hey, kid.
00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:21,590 "Lord of the Rings." Ha! That movie's gay.
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,717 You're gay. - What the...
00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:25,052 Whoa!
00:06:25,177 --> 00:06:26,678 Check it out, you guys!
00:06:26,804 --> 00:06:28,222 Whoa. - Whoa.
00:06:28,347 --> 00:06:30,474 Give it back. We're on a quest to return it to my parents.
00:06:30,599 --> 00:06:33,435 No way. We're keeping this and watching it ourselves.
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:34,311 You can't keep it.
00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:37,189 What are three little fourth graders gonna do about it, huh?
00:06:37,314 --> 00:06:38,315 There's four of us.
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,109 Kenny's soul is still trapped in Cartman's body.
00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:40,943 Yeah!
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:43,529 Oh, man. I can't wait to see this.
00:06:43,654 --> 00:06:45,280 Dude, that video <i>is</i> making people act strange.
00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:47,741 The one tape must be returned!
00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:48,742 Run!
00:06:48,867 --> 00:06:49,993 Get 'em!
00:06:55,791 --> 00:06:57,459 Oh, hello, Randy, Sharon.
00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,878 Uh, Chris, are the boys over here?
00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:01,004 No, just Butters.
00:07:01,130 --> 00:07:03,382 He's been watching "The Lord of the Rings" downstairs.
00:07:03,507 --> 00:07:04,383 Oh, dear.
00:07:04,508 --> 00:07:05,467 What's the matter?
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:08,387 We -- Well, this is really sort of funny,
00:07:08,512 --> 00:07:11,265 but, uh, we -- we accidentally put a porno
00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:13,225 in the "Lord of the Rings" box.
00:07:14,226 --> 00:07:16,186 Oh, God!
00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:17,813 Butters?
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,356 Butters?
00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:21,400 Butters!
00:07:21,525 --> 00:07:23,235 The precious.
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,487 Did you bring back my precious?
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:27,531 Butters, where is the movie you were watching?
00:07:27,656 --> 00:07:29,032 They took his precious.
00:07:29,158 --> 00:07:30,951 Took it away to watch without him.
00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:33,078 He was really enjoying that movie, too.
00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:35,122 My p-precious.
00:07:35,247 --> 00:07:37,791 The boys must have come and saw what it was
00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:39,668 and then taken it away somewhere.
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,044 Oh, no.
00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:48,427 We can't let those sixth graders
00:07:48,552 --> 00:07:49,803 get their hands on this videotape.
00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:50,804 I must say I agree.
00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:52,723 If this copy of "The Lord of the Rings" is hainted,
00:07:52,848 --> 00:07:54,391 it would not be safe in the wrong hands.
00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:56,268 I smell fourth graders!
00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:58,479 Oh, crap, dude! - Hide!
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:12,326 Hey! I think I see something down the hill.
00:08:14,578 --> 00:08:16,330 The one videotape is sought after indeed.
00:08:16,455 --> 00:08:18,499 Yeah. Butters, my parents, now the sixth graders.
00:08:18,624 --> 00:08:19,500 Come, guys.
00:08:19,625 --> 00:08:20,709 We must bring this to the attention
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,252 of the high elf of Farragon.
00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:25,380 Yeah! The high elf. He'll know what to do.
00:08:26,089 --> 00:08:28,008 And so that's the situation.
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:30,177 All the boys are out there somewhere with a...
00:08:30,302 --> 00:08:31,678 pornographic videotape.
00:08:31,803 --> 00:08:33,722 Oh, God! This -- This is horrible!
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,057 All right. Calm down.
00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:37,893 Now, just how bad of a porno tape are we talking here?
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:40,896 I mean, was it like "Crotch Capers 3"?
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:44,024 I'm afraid it was... "Back Door Sluts 9".
00:08:44,149 --> 00:08:45,609 "Back Door Sluts 9"?! - "Back Door Sluts 9"?!
00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:46,735 Is that bad?
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,737 "Back Door Sluts 9" makes "Crotch Capers 3"
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,322 look like "Naughty Nurses 2"!
00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:53,116 I-It is the single most vile, twisted,
00:08:53,242 --> 00:08:55,118 dark piece of porn ever made.
00:08:55,244 --> 00:08:56,370 How the hell do you know?
00:08:56,495 --> 00:08:59,081 I, uh... I-I read about it in <i>People.</i>
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:00,374 Oh, this is just great!
00:09:00,499 --> 00:09:01,917 How could you two be so careless?
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:02,918 We're sorry.
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:05,212 Well, Sheila, we can't shelter our boys forever
00:09:05,337 --> 00:09:06,213 from these things.
00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:08,382 Maybe it's okay for them to see an adult film.
00:09:08,507 --> 00:09:10,884 Not without their parents to put it in a proper context.
00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:12,553 They won't understand what they're seeing!
00:09:12,678 --> 00:09:14,930 It -- It can't hurt them <i>that</i> much, can it?
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:18,725 Precious. Let me see my p-precious.
00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:20,602 Please!
00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:28,819 Open!
00:09:28,944 --> 00:09:31,238 Bell-lock.
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,156 What do you guys want?
00:09:33,282 --> 00:09:34,992 We must speak with the high elf of Farragon.
00:09:35,117 --> 00:09:37,327 Oh. Okay. Hang on a second.
00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:43,959 What troubles you?
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,795 We have in our possession something of great power.
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,339 It is "The Lord of the Rings."
00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:50,340 So?
00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:53,677 I have three copies and the DVD with 12 hours of extra footage.
00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:56,138 Yes, but this is not -- Wow. Twelve hours?
00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:57,806 Yes, but this is not a normal copy.
00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,725 It's making people act really strange.
00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:01,935 We're seriously, high elf.
00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:04,021 Something very evil lurks in this tape.
00:10:04,146 --> 00:10:05,856 Very well. I shall call the council together.
00:10:05,981 --> 00:10:07,190 Meet me in the Woods of Gathering
00:10:07,316 --> 00:10:08,734 behind Talangar the Black's house.
00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:10,611 Don't let my mom see you, 'cause I'll get in trouble.
00:10:10,736 --> 00:10:12,279 Thank you, high elf of Parragon.
00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:14,072 Farragon! Asshole.
00:10:15,198 --> 00:10:16,533 Clyde's a dick.
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:20,329 All right. Everybody listen up.
00:10:20,454 --> 00:10:22,831 There's three snot-nosed little fourth graders out there
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:25,334 who have a porno called "Back Door Sluts 9."
00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:26,710 Ooh!
00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:28,337 I checked it out on the Internet,
00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:30,297 and it said that "Back Door Sluts 9"
00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:33,508 is <i>the</i> most hard-core porno ever made.
00:10:33,634 --> 00:10:34,551 Ah!
00:10:34,676 --> 00:10:36,678 I have amassed this army of sixth graders
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,847 to get the tape by any means necessary.
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:41,224 Now, let's go get that porno!
00:10:46,021 --> 00:10:47,814 And so that is the situation.
00:10:47,939 --> 00:10:50,025 The videotape may or may not have evil powers.
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:52,027 Kyle, would you bring it up here, please?
00:10:54,488 --> 00:10:56,782 Ah! - Ooh!
00:10:56,907 --> 00:11:00,202 That video could have been made by Sauron's evil f-f-forces.
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,120 It could hold a mental spell of some kind.
00:11:02,245 --> 00:11:05,165 Perhaps we could use it to strengthen our star cruisers.
00:11:08,627 --> 00:11:10,462 Kevin, God damn it.
00:11:12,756 --> 00:11:14,883 Look, until we see this tape's power for ourselves,
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,468 we cannot risk giving it to anybody.
00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:18,428 But if we watch it, we could fall under its spell, too.
00:11:18,553 --> 00:11:19,471 That is true.
00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:21,181 Only a paladin with a high constitution
00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:22,265 should watch the tape.
00:11:22,391 --> 00:11:25,936 Therefore, I think it is a job for you, Talangar the Black.
00:11:26,978 --> 00:11:28,105 I'm not scared.
00:11:28,230 --> 00:11:29,606 I'll go inside and watch the tape --
00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:31,024 just for a few seconds.
00:11:31,149 --> 00:11:32,943 If I do not return in two minutes,
00:11:33,068 --> 00:11:34,277 send a party in after me.
00:11:34,403 --> 00:11:36,697 The fate of Middle-earth is in my hands.
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:43,912 Fourth graders!
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:47,165 Give us that porno!
00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:49,751 Boys?
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:51,920 Boys, we're not mad at you!
00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:54,464 We just want to talk to you!
00:11:56,341 --> 00:11:58,677 Talangar the Black returns from watching the video.
00:11:58,802 --> 00:12:01,138 What sights did you see on the videotape, Talangar?
00:12:01,263 --> 00:12:03,473 Is it the work of Sauron's magic?
00:12:03,598 --> 00:12:05,350 I'm not playing anymore.
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:07,561 Whoa. Wait. What'd you see?
00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:09,896 I don't know. I don't want to know.
00:12:10,021 --> 00:12:11,857 I'm out.
00:12:16,737 --> 00:12:18,655 My God. This thing must really be powerful.
00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:20,615 This tape makes people freak out wherever it goes.
00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:22,200 What do we do with it? - One thing's for sure.
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:23,910 This tape cannot be trusted with anybody.
00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:26,371 It must be returned to the video store from whence it came.
00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:28,331 Where is the videotape rented from?
00:12:28,457 --> 00:12:30,584 Two Towers Video Store i-in Conifer.
00:12:30,709 --> 00:12:32,586 Conifer?! Walking there would take hours!
00:12:32,711 --> 00:12:33,879 There's no alternative.
00:12:34,004 --> 00:12:36,214 We have to return the tape before it causes more damage.
00:12:36,339 --> 00:12:37,466 - I'll go. - Ha!
00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:39,926 We cannot trust something of that much power to a dwarf!
00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:41,428 Especially a kindergartner dwarf.
00:12:43,638 --> 00:12:44,765 Stop acting like a bunch of assholes.
00:12:44,890 --> 00:12:46,975 I will take it.
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,769 I will walk to the video store.
00:12:48,894 --> 00:12:50,854 It is too far and too dangerous to go alone.
00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:53,315 Take with you the wizard, the dwarf, the warrior,
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:54,816 the cleric, and the Jew.
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:56,651 Paladin! - Very well.
00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:59,112 You shall be the fellowship of "The Lord of the Rings."
00:12:59,237 --> 00:13:00,489 Good luck.
00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:02,199 I have to go home now before I get in trouble.
00:13:02,324 --> 00:13:04,367 Me too! - Uh-huh.
00:13:04,493 --> 00:13:05,702 Only the six of us are to go?
00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:07,037 No, no. There's seven of us.
00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:09,080 Kenny's soul is still trapped in Cartman's body, remember?
00:13:09,206 --> 00:13:10,123 Yeah, stupid.
00:13:10,248 --> 00:13:12,125 Yeah, luckily Cartman's big enough for the both of us.
00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:13,627 Shut up, Kenny!
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:18,215 <i>And so it was that the heroes traveled many miles</i>
00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:21,718 <i>to return "The Lord of the Rings" to the video store.</i>
00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:24,846 We have reached the great pass of Mount Uruloch.
00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:26,598 Look out!
00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:28,058 We were almost killed!
00:13:28,183 --> 00:13:30,310 A dark wizard must be trying to stop us!
00:13:30,435 --> 00:13:32,646 Someone or something doesn't want this video returned
00:13:32,771 --> 00:13:34,272 to the video store.
00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:38,944 Oh. Hello, everybody.
00:13:39,069 --> 00:13:40,695 Steve, we heard that a bunch of the kids
00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:42,239 were over here a little while ago.
00:13:42,364 --> 00:13:44,449 Well, yes, I believe they were, but they've gone.
00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:45,700 What's the matter?
00:13:45,826 --> 00:13:49,913 We think our boys might be showing other children a, uh...
00:13:50,038 --> 00:13:51,456 pornographic tape.
00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:52,290 What?
00:13:52,415 --> 00:13:54,417 But Token's never seen a porno before.
00:13:54,543 --> 00:13:56,169 He wouldn't know what to -- Oh, God!
00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:57,254 Token!
00:14:02,217 --> 00:14:03,802 Token?
00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:07,597 Did the boys come over and... show you a movie?
00:14:08,974 --> 00:14:10,642 Token?
00:14:11,685 --> 00:14:12,769 All right, Token.
00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:15,856 We know you must be very confused about what you saw.
00:14:17,816 --> 00:14:18,942 Yes.
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:22,612 You see, Token, that was called a pornographic film.
00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:25,031 It shows adult men and adult women
00:14:25,156 --> 00:14:27,367 having sexual intercourse.
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:33,081 Well, y-you see, when a -- when a man and a woman fall in love,
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:36,251 the -- the man puts his penis in the woman's vagina.
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:39,588 It's called lovemaking, and it's part of being in love.
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:44,009 And when the woman has four penises in her at the same time,
00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:45,802 then stands over the men and pees on them,
00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:47,721 is that part of being in love, too?
00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:51,766 Five midgets spanking a man
00:14:51,892 --> 00:14:53,476 covered with Thousand Island dressing --
00:14:53,602 --> 00:14:55,103 Is that making love?
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,022 Jesus. What kind of porno was that?
00:14:57,147 --> 00:14:58,815 It was "Back Door Sluts 9".
00:14:58,940 --> 00:15:01,568 Oh, Jesus! Not that one!
00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:03,737 Oh, Gerald, poor Kyle must be just as confused
00:15:03,862 --> 00:15:05,196 and scared as this poor kid.
00:15:05,322 --> 00:15:07,407 Token, this is very important.
00:15:07,532 --> 00:15:10,493 Do you know where the boys went with the naughty tape?
00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:14,497 We're entering the limits of Bailey.
00:15:14,623 --> 00:15:15,665 Everyone stay close.
00:15:15,790 --> 00:15:17,417 Perhaps the great ringworm of Bailey is about.
00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:19,711 Ringworms are no match for a dwarf.
00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:22,464 Yes, we shall slay the ringworm and take its bounty of treasure.
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:23,757 For that is the way of the --
00:15:23,882 --> 00:15:25,091 I shall put a magic spell on you!
00:15:25,216 --> 00:15:27,010 I have blocked your spell, wizard!
00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:28,470 Hey, what are you guys doing?
00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:30,805 We're playing Harry Potter.
00:15:30,931 --> 00:15:32,265 Ha!
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:33,725 Fags!
00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:39,022 You guys, somebody's following us.
00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:40,523 It's Butters. - Butters?
00:15:40,649 --> 00:15:42,609 Yes. He's been following us for like two hours.
00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:47,113 The precious videotape.
00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:48,615 L-Let the Butters see it.
00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:50,784 Just ignore him. Maybe he'll go away.
00:15:50,909 --> 00:15:53,036 Hey, fellas, mind if we take a little r-rest?
00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:55,121 There is no time for rest, sorcerer. Keep up.
00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:02,545 They are coming.
00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:05,298 You guys go on ahead.
00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:07,801 - Jimmy, are you sure? - Go!
00:16:09,761 --> 00:16:12,138 You shall not p-pa...
00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:16,017 You shall not pa...pa...
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:19,604 You shall not pa...
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:25,735 You shall not p--
00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:27,070 you shall not p-pa--
00:16:27,195 --> 00:16:29,489 p-p-p...pa...
00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:31,491 You shall -- p...
00:16:33,284 --> 00:16:36,371 You shall not p-pass.
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:37,664 Jimmy didn't stop them!
00:16:37,789 --> 00:16:39,499 They're going to take "The Lord of the Rings" from us!
00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:40,667 Quick! Cross the river!
00:16:40,792 --> 00:16:42,335 Sixth graders can't stand water.
00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:43,545 What? That's stupid.
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:45,046 I am a high-ranking white wizard, Craig,
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:46,840 and I say sixth graders are opposed to water!
00:16:46,965 --> 00:16:49,259 Whatever. I'm going back to play with the Harry Potter kids.
00:16:49,384 --> 00:16:50,844 Me too.
00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:54,848 Go ahead and play Harry butt-hole pussy Potter!
00:16:54,973 --> 00:16:57,183 Just get across the river! They're coming!
00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:02,856 Whoa! - Whoa!
00:17:02,981 --> 00:17:05,191 What the hell is wrong with you guys?! Get the tape!
00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:06,693 Dude, I don't want to get wet.
00:17:06,818 --> 00:17:08,319 Yeah. I don't really like the water.
00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:10,739 Besides, if our bikes get wet, the chains will rust.
00:17:10,864 --> 00:17:13,491 Oh, God damn it. All right. Come on. We'll find a bridge.
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,329 <i>The quest continued to return</i>
00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:20,790 <i>"The Lord of the Rings" to the video store.</i>
00:17:20,915 --> 00:17:22,876 Man, we should have never crossed that stupid river.
00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:25,587 Yeah. Good job, wizard fat-ass. Now we're totally lost.
00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:27,130 We're not lost, Jewgar of Jewlingrad.
00:17:27,255 --> 00:17:28,423 We just don't know where we are.
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:29,841 That's what lost means, stupid.
00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:31,885 Kenny, shut your Goddamn mouth! - This is great.
00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:33,011 We're in the middle of nowhere
00:17:33,136 --> 00:17:35,430 and nobody knows what direction the video store is in.
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,265 The Butters knowses.
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,517 Oh, brother. - The video store. Yes.
00:17:39,642 --> 00:17:42,353 Not far from here. W-We can show you wheres it is.
00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:43,188 Where?
00:17:43,313 --> 00:17:46,441 First just let Butters s-see the precious.
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:48,401 No, Butters. Look what it's done to you.
00:17:48,526 --> 00:17:50,153 It's made you even lamer than before.
00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:51,279 If that was possible.
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:53,031 Tell us how to get to the video store, Butters,
00:17:53,156 --> 00:17:54,365 or else we're gonna kick your ass!
00:17:54,491 --> 00:17:57,118 No hurtses the Butters. We will show you the way.
00:17:57,243 --> 00:18:00,121 Yes. This way it is.
00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:01,539 This is awful!
00:18:01,664 --> 00:18:03,124 I just know with every passing minute,
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,877 little Kyle is seeing more and more depraved sex acts!
00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:06,961 We'll find them.
00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:09,297 And then we'll try to put what they saw into context.
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:10,799 Look! There's one of the boys now.
00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:14,135 Jimmy! - Jimmy! Jimmy!
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:16,346 Where did the boys go with the porno tape?
00:18:16,471 --> 00:18:18,348 They were taking it to the v...
00:18:18,473 --> 00:18:21,226 the v...the v...
00:18:21,351 --> 00:18:23,228 Come on, Jimmy. We don't have a lot of time.
00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:24,938 They took it back to the video s...
00:18:25,063 --> 00:18:26,731 the video s...
00:18:26,856 --> 00:18:28,650 The video sandwich?
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:30,026 The video stockyard?
00:18:30,151 --> 00:18:31,569 What's a video stockyard, Jimmy?
00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:33,571 No. The video st...
00:18:33,696 --> 00:18:34,739 The video st...
00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:35,990 Stinger? - Staples!
00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:38,326 They went to the video staples. Where's that, Jimmy?
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:39,953 N-No, you retards!
00:18:40,078 --> 00:18:41,996 The video s-store.
00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:43,289 The video store!
00:18:43,414 --> 00:18:44,582 Hurry! Hurry!
00:18:44,707 --> 00:18:46,084 I know where it is.
00:18:55,051 --> 00:18:57,178 Oh, no! They're closed! - Closed?!
00:18:57,303 --> 00:18:59,305 There they are!
00:18:59,430 --> 00:19:01,766 Don't let 'em turn it back in to the video store!
00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:02,934 We're screwed.
00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:04,352 Wait! A drop box!
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,147 Quick, Kyle! Drop the movie in!
00:19:07,272 --> 00:19:09,440 Finally, it's over.
00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:12,110 Precious. Must have our precious.
00:19:12,235 --> 00:19:13,903 Aah! - Butters! No!
00:19:14,028 --> 00:19:15,530 Nows wes hasses it.
00:19:17,031 --> 00:19:18,032 They're coming!
00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:20,618 It has to go back!
00:19:20,743 --> 00:19:22,287 It wantses to stay with the Butterses.
00:19:22,412 --> 00:19:24,164 There it is. Give me that tape.
00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:28,793 Let go of the tape, Butters! - I'm never letting go!
00:19:28,918 --> 00:19:29,878 Fine!
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:31,546 Precious!
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,339 No!
00:19:33,464 --> 00:19:34,883 No! No!
00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:36,968 Damn it!
00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:39,470 Aw, man, now we'll never see the hot action.
00:19:39,596 --> 00:19:41,723 You stupid little fourth graders!
00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:43,308 The tape is returned to which it came.
00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:45,226 Its power over you shall fade as well.
00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:46,603 Middle-earth is again safe.
00:19:46,728 --> 00:19:49,731 Yeah? Well, that's not gonna stop us from kicking your asses.
00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:51,357 Uh-oh.
00:19:56,654 --> 00:19:57,655 Boys! Boys!
00:19:57,780 --> 00:19:59,115 Crap! Parents.
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:00,617 Come on, guys.
00:20:00,742 --> 00:20:03,411 We'll see you next time, fourthies.
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:06,122 And perhaps they would.
00:20:06,247 --> 00:20:08,416 But for now, the sixth-grader army was defeated.
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:09,459 There you are.
00:20:09,584 --> 00:20:11,127 Oh, Kyle! You're safe!
00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:13,004 Oh, hey, guys. We were just about to come home.
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:14,297 We had to return the video.
00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:15,798 All right. Now -- Now, listen, kids.
00:20:15,924 --> 00:20:18,301 There are some things we need to put into context for you.
00:20:18,426 --> 00:20:21,304 You see, a man puts his penis into a woman's vagina
00:20:21,429 --> 00:20:23,181 for both love and pleasure.
00:20:23,306 --> 00:20:25,433 But sometimes the woman lays on top of the man,
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,268 facing the other way so that they can put
00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:29,229 each other's genitals in their mouths.
00:20:29,354 --> 00:20:31,940 This is called sixty-nining, and it's normal.
00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:34,359 See, boys, a woman is sensitive in her vagina,
00:20:34,484 --> 00:20:37,111 and it feels good to have a man's penis inside of it.
00:20:37,237 --> 00:20:38,112 That's right.
00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:40,865 But sometimes a woman chooses to use other things --
00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:42,825 telephones, staplers, magazines.
00:20:42,951 --> 00:20:46,204 It's because the nerve endings in the vagina are so sensitive.
00:20:46,329 --> 00:20:47,914 It's like a fun tickle.
00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:49,832 Now, on to double penetration, boys.
00:20:49,958 --> 00:20:52,961 You see, sometimes when a woman has sex with more than one man,
00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:54,879 each man makes love to a different orifice.
00:20:55,004 --> 00:20:55,880 That's right.
00:20:56,005 --> 00:20:57,173 It's something adults can do
00:20:57,298 --> 00:20:59,425 with really good friends in a comfortable setting.
00:20:59,550 --> 00:21:01,219 It's also important that you understand
00:21:01,344 --> 00:21:03,805 why some people choose to urinate on each other.
00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:06,099 Going number one or number two on your lover
00:21:06,224 --> 00:21:08,184 is something people might do,
00:21:08,309 --> 00:21:10,770 but you must make sure your partner is okay with it
00:21:10,895 --> 00:21:12,313 before you start doing it.
00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:15,400 Okay, boys. Do you have any questions?
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:20,280 Wow.
00:21:23,574 --> 00:21:25,118 Well, let's all get going.
00:21:25,243 --> 00:21:27,287 Yeah. Come on, boys. Time to get home.
00:21:30,373 --> 00:21:32,208 Wait a minute. Where's Butters?
00:21:32,917 --> 00:21:35,128 W-Wes hasses our preciouses.
00:21:35,253 --> 00:21:36,963 Hasses it. Hasses it.

00:00:09,010 --> 00:00:12,013 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:13,889 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:15,683 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:15,808 --> 00:00:18,602 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,688 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,813 --> 00:00:22,106 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
00:00:22,231 --> 00:00:25,401 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,194 ♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪
00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:28,612 ♪ Timmy, Timmy, liv-a-la, Timmy! ♪
00:00:28,738 --> 00:00:32,533 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
00:00:35,453 --> 00:00:37,121 Oh, great Wizard of Gregendath,
00:00:37,246 --> 00:00:39,331 what quest do you ask of this ranger and paladin?
00:00:39,457 --> 00:00:41,167 Only one thing can save our kingdom.
00:00:41,292 --> 00:00:42,835 You must bring me a piece of pecan pie
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,462 with toffee ice cream and Magic Shell.
00:00:44,587 --> 00:00:45,296 Hurry, now!
00:00:45,421 --> 00:00:47,089 That quest sucks, Cartman. Think of another one.
00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:49,008 Uh, boys, Butters' parents want to borrow
00:00:49,133 --> 00:00:50,676 the "Lord of the Rings" video we rented.
00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:52,887 Could you take it over to them?
00:00:53,012 --> 00:00:54,722 You're sending us on...a quest?
00:00:54,847 --> 00:00:57,308 You ask of us to take the one video to the house of Butters?
00:00:57,433 --> 00:00:58,392 Yeah. Whatever.
00:00:58,517 --> 00:01:00,478 It shall be a long journey with many dangers on the way.
00:01:00,603 --> 00:01:02,688 But if the tape must be brought to the house of Butters,
00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:03,898 who else can do it? - Very well.
00:01:04,023 --> 00:01:05,816 We shall embark on this quest immediately, Father.
00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:07,943 Come, warriors! - [All ] Ho!
00:01:08,069 --> 00:01:09,028 [ Door opens ]
00:01:09,153 --> 00:01:11,280 Hm. That gets rid of them.
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,115 Ooh, you're a little frisky, aren't you?
00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:14,867 Well, uh, "The Lord of the Rings"
00:01:14,992 --> 00:01:17,369 wasn't the only thing I rented from the video store.
00:01:17,495 --> 00:01:20,372 I also rented...a porno.
00:01:20,498 --> 00:01:22,458 Oh, you little devil!
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:24,251 You want to go watch?
00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:26,545 How shall we journey to the house of Butters --
00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:28,964 through the mines of Vandor or over the mountains of Grach?
00:01:29,090 --> 00:01:31,133 Look out! Here comes the great dragon of Peringraf!
00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:33,010 Don't worry. I am the great wizard Molortork.
00:01:33,135 --> 00:01:34,678 I can shield us from the dragon's fire.
00:01:34,804 --> 00:01:36,430 A-beh-beh-beh-beh-beh-beh-beh!
00:01:36,555 --> 00:01:37,890 Good job, wizard.
00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:39,475 And so the party journeyed onward --
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,143 the great wizard, the skillful ranger,
00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:42,311 and the covetous Jew.
00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,063 I'm a paladin, Cartman!
00:01:44,188 --> 00:01:45,648 Jews can't be paladins.
00:01:47,483 --> 00:01:49,110 Hey, there, cowboy.
00:01:49,235 --> 00:01:51,445 You ready for some hot, steamy fun?
00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:52,613 You bet I am.
00:01:52,738 --> 00:01:55,449 The guys at the office told me I had to rent this porno.
00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:57,576 They said this is without a doubt
00:01:57,701 --> 00:01:59,703 <i>the</i> hottest porno ever made.
00:01:59,829 --> 00:02:01,288 Mm. Sounds good.
00:02:01,413 --> 00:02:03,916 I love that lingerie.
00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:06,377 Yeah. You like that?
00:02:06,502 --> 00:02:07,628 Mm. Yeah, baby.
00:02:07,753 --> 00:02:09,088 Yeah.
00:02:09,213 --> 00:02:11,173 - All right. You ready? - Ready.
00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:12,216 Oh, yeah.
00:02:12,341 --> 00:02:13,926 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:16,303 [ Narration ] <i>The story begins in ages past,</i>
00:02:16,428 --> 00:02:18,430 <i>in the deep regions of Middle-earth,</i>
00:02:18,556 --> 00:02:21,475 <i>where Skorn first thrived in the kingdom of Gelgala.</i>
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:24,061 Oh, man, I hate when pornos try to have a story.
00:02:24,186 --> 00:02:27,022 <i>Seven rings were cast and given to the races of men.</i>
00:02:27,148 --> 00:02:28,399 Mm, yeah.
00:02:28,524 --> 00:02:30,401 <i>Seven to the races of elves,</i>
00:02:30,526 --> 00:02:33,320 <i>five to the Glundock Viladers of Gelgendol.</i>
00:02:33,445 --> 00:02:36,240 Wow. The production values are really good in this porno.
00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:38,242 Yeah. It almost looks like...
00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:39,952 "The Lord of the --"
00:02:40,077 --> 00:02:41,579 Oh, my God!
00:02:42,705 --> 00:02:43,664 [ Music stops ]
00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:45,916 This is "Lord of the Rings"!
00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:47,168 But then, does that mean...
00:02:47,293 --> 00:02:51,088 That the boys have the hottest porno ever made.
00:02:51,213 --> 00:02:53,132 [ Knocks on door ]
00:02:53,257 --> 00:02:54,800 Oh, hello, boys.
00:02:54,925 --> 00:02:56,635 My father has asked that we bring you this copy
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:57,678 of "Lord of the Rings".
00:02:57,803 --> 00:03:00,055 Well, thank you very much, kind heroes.
00:03:00,181 --> 00:03:02,975 Perhaps a reward is in order? Gold? Frankensteincense?
00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:06,770 Oh, but you are noble heroes. We know our thanks is enough.
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,106 Man, that's crap.
00:03:10,399 --> 00:03:12,443 Butters, look what we have for you to watch.
00:03:12,568 --> 00:03:14,111 "The Lord of the Rings."
00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:16,280 Oh, boy! Finally I get to see it!
00:03:16,405 --> 00:03:17,948 Now, Daddy and I have to do our taxes.
00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:20,409 So you can watch this by yourself and not get scared?
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,494 I won't get scared, Mom. Promise.
00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:25,289 That's our man. Here you go.
00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:29,043 Ooh-da-lolly!
00:03:29,168 --> 00:03:31,295 I finally get to see "Lord of the Rings"!
00:03:31,837 --> 00:03:34,256 [[ Up-tempo music playing, woman moaning ]
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,258 <i>Spank that ass.</i>
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,260 [ Smack ] <i>Oh.</i>
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:40,387 [ Moaning continues ]
00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:42,139 Neato.
00:03:43,057 --> 00:03:45,351 <i>Oh, yeah.</i> - This <i>is</i> good!
00:03:45,476 --> 00:03:48,062 Oh, my God. This is gonna be so embarrassing.
00:03:48,187 --> 00:03:49,313 "Hi, Chris. Hi, Linda.
00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:51,482 We were just wondering if we could get our porno back."
00:03:51,607 --> 00:03:53,943 Calm down. Maybe the boys haven't gotten there yet.
00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:55,986 And so the party returned home
00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:57,571 after completing their great quest.
00:03:57,696 --> 00:03:58,739 The one tape was returned,
00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:00,824 and South Park was again at peace.
00:04:00,950 --> 00:04:02,076 [ Vehicle approaching ]
00:04:02,201 --> 00:04:03,744 Quick! A monster of Rivendell!
00:04:03,869 --> 00:04:04,870 Prepare for battle!
00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:06,163 The boys!
00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:07,289 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:09,875 Boys! Boys! Where's the videotape?
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,544 We gave it to the parents of Butters, as commanded by you.
00:04:12,670 --> 00:04:14,964 Oh. I guess we have to go talk to them now.
00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:16,298 Well, wait a minute.
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:17,967 Boys, do you think you can go
00:04:18,092 --> 00:04:20,261 get that tape back for us really fast?
00:04:22,346 --> 00:04:24,390 This sounds like a really important quest.
00:04:24,515 --> 00:04:25,307 Yes, it is.
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:26,767 This is more important than anything
00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:28,185 I have ever asked you to do.
00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:29,853 You must retrieve the tape.
00:04:29,979 --> 00:04:32,898 But do not look at it, uh, for it holds an evil power.
00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:35,901 Retrieve the tape and return it to us at home.
00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:38,654 Do this, and you will be greatly rewarded.
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:39,655 Wow.
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,490 This is so cool.
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,617 Gentlemen, we are off!
00:04:43,742 --> 00:04:44,952 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:04:45,077 --> 00:04:46,620 Okay. Problem solved.
00:04:48,539 --> 00:04:51,125 [ Woman moaning ]
00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:54,378 <i>Like that. Just like that.</i>
00:04:54,503 --> 00:04:55,546 <i>Mm!</i>
00:04:55,671 --> 00:04:56,880 Oh, golly.
00:04:57,006 --> 00:04:58,048 [ Door opens ]
00:04:58,173 --> 00:05:00,426 Hey, what's happenin' down there?
00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:02,886 We have come to reclaim the one tape.
00:05:03,012 --> 00:05:04,722 [ Woman moans ]
00:05:04,847 --> 00:05:06,849 Whoa! Whoa! What are you doing?!
00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:08,392 The queen and king of Stansizhouse
00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:10,311 wish "The Lord of the Rings" returned to them.
00:05:10,436 --> 00:05:12,187 But it's the greatest movie I've ever seen.
00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:14,523 You guys were right. "Lord of the Rings" <i>is</i> awesome.
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,358 Y-You're gonna have to let me finish watching it.
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:17,234 Nay, Butters!
00:05:17,359 --> 00:05:20,821 The one tape must be brought back to Stansizhouse.
00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:23,115 Aagh!
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,950 Butters! We said you can't watch it.
00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:25,951 We have a quest.
00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:28,120 Then...Then let me go with you.
00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:29,121 Okay. Fine, Butters.
00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:30,372 But if you're gonna hang out with us,
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:32,041 you have to play like "Lord of the Rings."
00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:33,459 Oh, okay!
00:05:33,584 --> 00:05:36,420 [ Grunting ] Yeah.
00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:38,005 Butters! What the hell are you doing?!
00:05:38,130 --> 00:05:39,173 Playing "Lord of the Rings."
00:05:39,298 --> 00:05:42,259 [ Grunts ] Yeah. - Get the hell off me!
00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:44,428 You're a freak, Butters! You can't play with us!
00:05:44,553 --> 00:05:47,222 Let me have the tape! - No. We have to return it.
00:05:48,307 --> 00:05:49,308 My movie.
00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:51,810 My awesome, cool movie.
00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:55,189 My...precious.
00:05:55,314 --> 00:05:56,482 [ Mid-tempo music plays ]
00:05:56,607 --> 00:05:58,359 And so the tape was again retrieved
00:05:58,484 --> 00:06:00,069 to be brought back to Stansizhouse.
00:06:00,194 --> 00:06:01,236 This copy of "Lord of the Rings"
00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:02,821 made the young Butters behave quite oddly.
00:06:02,946 --> 00:06:04,782 And mine parents were acting strange about it, too.
00:06:04,907 --> 00:06:07,618 Perhaps the one videotape has some power we have not foreseen.
00:06:07,743 --> 00:06:10,037 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
00:06:10,162 --> 00:06:11,497 Well, well, well.
00:06:11,622 --> 00:06:13,749 If it isn't Robin Hood and his merry men.
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,334 Oh, crap. The sixth graders.
00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:17,378 What you got there? - Nothing.
00:06:17,503 --> 00:06:19,004 Hey, kid.
00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:21,590 "Lord of the Rings." Ha! That movie's gay.
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,717 You're gay. - What the...
00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:25,052 Whoa!
00:06:25,177 --> 00:06:26,678 Check it out, you guys!
00:06:26,804 --> 00:06:28,222 Whoa. - Whoa.
00:06:28,347 --> 00:06:30,474 Give it back. We're on a quest to return it to my parents.
00:06:30,599 --> 00:06:33,435 No way. We're keeping this and watching it ourselves.
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:34,311 You can't keep it.
00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:37,189 What are three little fourth graders gonna do about it, huh?
00:06:37,314 --> 00:06:38,315 There's four of us.
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,109 Kenny's soul is still trapped in Cartman's body.
00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:40,943 Yeah!
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:43,529 Oh, man. I can't wait to see this.
00:06:43,654 --> 00:06:45,280 Dude, that video <i>is</i> making people act strange.
00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:47,741 The one tape must be returned!
00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:48,742 Run!
00:06:48,867 --> 00:06:49,993 Get 'em!
00:06:50,119 --> 00:06:53,497 [ Up-tempo music plays ]
00:06:55,791 --> 00:06:57,459 Oh, hello, Randy, Sharon.
00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,878 Uh, Chris, are the boys over here?
00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:01,004 No, just Butters.
00:07:01,130 --> 00:07:03,382 He's been watching "The Lord of the Rings" downstairs.
00:07:03,507 --> 00:07:04,383 Oh, dear.
00:07:04,508 --> 00:07:05,467 What's the matter?
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:08,387 We -- Well, this is really sort of funny,
00:07:08,512 --> 00:07:11,265 but, uh, we -- we accidentally put a porno
00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:13,225 in the "Lord of the Rings" box.
00:07:14,226 --> 00:07:16,186 Oh, God!
00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:17,813 [ Static ] Butters?
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,356 Butters?
00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:21,400 Butters!
00:07:21,525 --> 00:07:23,235 [ Hoarsely ] The precious.
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,487 Did you bring back my precious?
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:27,531 Butters, where is the movie you were watching?
00:07:27,656 --> 00:07:29,032 They took his precious.
00:07:29,158 --> 00:07:30,951 Took it away to watch without him.
00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:33,078 He was really enjoying that movie, too.
00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:35,122 My p-precious.
00:07:35,247 --> 00:07:37,791 The boys must have come and saw what it was
00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:39,668 and then taken it away somewhere.
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,044 Oh, no.
00:07:42,379 --> 00:07:44,673 [ Insects chirping ]
00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:48,427 We can't let those sixth graders
00:07:48,552 --> 00:07:49,803 get their hands on this videotape.
00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:50,804 I must say I agree.
00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:52,723 If this copy of "The Lord of the Rings" is hainted,
00:07:52,848 --> 00:07:54,391 it would not be safe in the wrong hands.
00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:56,268 BOY: I smell fourth graders!
00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:58,479 Oh, crap, dude! - Hide!
00:07:58,604 --> 00:08:00,481 [ Bicycles approaching ]
00:08:00,606 --> 00:08:02,816 [ Sniffing ]
00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:06,361 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:08:06,487 --> 00:08:08,697 [ Sniffing ]
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:12,326 Hey! I think I see something down the hill.
00:08:13,535 --> 00:08:14,453 [All sigh ]
00:08:14,578 --> 00:08:16,330 The one videotape is sought after indeed.
00:08:16,455 --> 00:08:18,499 Yeah. Butters, my parents, now the sixth graders.
00:08:18,624 --> 00:08:19,500 Come, guys.
00:08:19,625 --> 00:08:20,709 We must bring this to the attention
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,252 of the high elf of Farragon.
00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:25,380 Yeah! The high elf. He'll know what to do.
00:08:26,089 --> 00:08:28,008 And so that's the situation.
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:30,177 All the boys are out there somewhere with a...
00:08:30,302 --> 00:08:31,678 pornographic videotape.
00:08:31,803 --> 00:08:33,722 Oh, God! This -- This is horrible!
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,057 All right. Calm down.
00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:37,893 Now, just how bad of a porno tape are we talking here?
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:40,896 I mean, was it like "Crotch Capers 3"?
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:44,024 I'm afraid it was... "Back Door Sluts 9".
00:08:44,149 --> 00:08:45,609 "Back Door Sluts 9"?! - "Back Door Sluts 9"?!
00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:46,735 Is that bad?
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,737 "Back Door Sluts 9" makes "Crotch Capers 3"
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,322 look like "Naughty Nurses 2"!
00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:53,116 I-It is the single most vile, twisted,
00:08:53,242 --> 00:08:55,118 dark piece of porn ever made.
00:08:55,244 --> 00:08:56,370 How the hell do you know?
00:08:56,495 --> 00:08:59,081 I, uh... I-I read about it in <i>People.</i>
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:00,374 Oh, this is just great!
00:09:00,499 --> 00:09:01,917 How could you two be so careless?
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:02,918 We're sorry.
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:05,212 Well, Sheila, we can't shelter our boys forever
00:09:05,337 --> 00:09:06,213 from these things.
00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:08,382 Maybe it's okay for them to see an adult film.
00:09:08,507 --> 00:09:10,884 Not without their parents to put it in a proper context.
00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:12,553 They won't understand what they're seeing!
00:09:12,678 --> 00:09:14,930 It -- It can't hurt them <i>that</i> much, can it?
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:18,725 Precious. Let me see my p-precious.
00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:20,602 Please! [ Glass squeaking ]
00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:25,774 [ Doorbell rings ]
00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:28,819 Open!
00:09:28,944 --> 00:09:31,238 Bell-lock.
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,156 What do you guys want?
00:09:33,282 --> 00:09:34,992 We must speak with the high elf of Farragon.
00:09:35,117 --> 00:09:37,327 Oh. Okay. Hang on a second.
00:09:37,452 --> 00:09:40,455 [ Insects chirping, dog barking in distance ]
00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:43,959 What troubles you?
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,795 We have in our possession something of great power.
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,339 It is "The Lord of the Rings."
00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:50,340 So?
00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:53,677 I have three copies and the DVD with 12 hours of extra footage.
00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:56,138 Yes, but this is not -- Wow. Twelve hours?
00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:57,806 Yes, but this is not a normal copy.
00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,725 It's making people act really strange.
00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:01,935 We're seriously, high elf.
00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:04,021 Something very evil lurks in this tape.
00:10:04,146 --> 00:10:05,856 Very well. I shall call the council together.
00:10:05,981 --> 00:10:07,190 Meet me in the Woods of Gathering
00:10:07,316 --> 00:10:08,734 behind Talangar the Black's house.
00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:10,611 Don't let my mom see you, 'cause I'll get in trouble.
00:10:10,736 --> 00:10:12,279 Thank you, high elf of Parragon.
00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:14,072 Farragon! Asshole.
00:10:15,198 --> 00:10:16,533 Clyde's a dick.
00:10:16,658 --> 00:10:18,160 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:20,329 All right. Everybody listen up.
00:10:20,454 --> 00:10:22,831 There's three snot-nosed little fourth graders out there
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:25,334 who have a porno called "Back Door Sluts 9."
00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:26,710 ALL: Ooh!
00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:28,337 I checked it out on the Internet,
00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:30,297 and it said that "Back Door Sluts 9"
00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:33,508 is <i>the</i> most hard-core porno ever made.
00:10:33,634 --> 00:10:34,551 [All ] Ah!
00:10:34,676 --> 00:10:36,678 I have amassed this army of sixth graders
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,847 to get the tape by any means necessary.
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:41,224 Now, let's go get that porno!
00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:44,645 [All shouting ]
00:10:46,021 --> 00:10:47,814 And so that is the situation.
00:10:47,939 --> 00:10:50,025 The videotape may or may not have evil powers.
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:52,027 Kyle, would you bring it up here, please?
00:10:54,488 --> 00:10:56,782 Ah! - Ooh!
00:10:56,907 --> 00:11:00,202 That video could have been made by Sauron's evil f-f-forces.
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,120 It could hold a mental spell of some kind.
00:11:02,245 --> 00:11:05,165 Perhaps we could use it to strengthen our star cruisers.
00:11:08,627 --> 00:11:10,462 Kevin, God damn it.
00:11:12,756 --> 00:11:14,883 Look, until we see this tape's power for ourselves,
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,468 we cannot risk giving it to anybody.
00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:18,428 But if we watch it, we could fall under its spell, too.
00:11:18,553 --> 00:11:19,471 That is true.
00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:21,181 Only a paladin with a high constitution
00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:22,265 should watch the tape.
00:11:22,391 --> 00:11:25,936 Therefore, I think it is a job for you, Talangar the Black.
00:11:26,978 --> 00:11:28,105 I'm not scared.
00:11:28,230 --> 00:11:29,606 I'll go inside and watch the tape --
00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:31,024 just for a few seconds.
00:11:31,149 --> 00:11:32,943 If I do not return in two minutes,
00:11:33,068 --> 00:11:34,277 send a party in after me.
00:11:34,403 --> 00:11:36,697 The fate of Middle-earth is in my hands.
00:11:36,822 --> 00:11:39,074 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:43,912 Fourth graders!
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:47,165 Give us that porno!
00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:49,751 Boys?
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:51,920 Boys, we're not mad at you!
00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:54,464 We just want to talk to you!
00:11:54,589 --> 00:11:56,216 [ Insects chirping ]
00:11:56,341 --> 00:11:58,677 Talangar the Black returns from watching the video.
00:11:58,802 --> 00:12:01,138 What sights did you see on the videotape, Talangar?
00:12:01,263 --> 00:12:03,473 Is it the work of Sauron's magic?
00:12:03,598 --> 00:12:05,350 I'm not playing anymore.
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:07,561 Whoa. Wait. What'd you see?
00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:09,896 I don't know. I don't want to know.
00:12:10,021 --> 00:12:11,857 I'm out. [ Claps hands ]
00:12:16,737 --> 00:12:18,655 My God. This thing must really be powerful.
00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:20,615 This tape makes people freak out wherever it goes.
00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:22,200 What do we do with it? - One thing's for sure.
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:23,910 This tape cannot be trusted with anybody.
00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:26,371 It must be returned to the video store from whence it came.
00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:28,331 Where is the videotape rented from?
00:12:28,457 --> 00:12:30,584 Two Towers Video Store i-in Conifer.
00:12:30,709 --> 00:12:32,586 Conifer?! Walking there would take hours!
00:12:32,711 --> 00:12:33,879 There's no alternative.
00:12:34,004 --> 00:12:36,214 We have to return the tape before it causes more damage.
00:12:36,339 --> 00:12:37,466 - I'll go. - Ha!
00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:39,926 We cannot trust something of that much power to a dwarf!
00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:41,428 Especially a kindergartner dwarf.
00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:43,513 [All shouting ]
00:12:43,638 --> 00:12:44,765 Stop acting like a bunch of assholes.
00:12:44,890 --> 00:12:46,975 I will take it.
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,769 I will walk to the video store.
00:12:48,894 --> 00:12:50,854 It is too far and too dangerous to go alone.
00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:53,315 Take with you the wizard, the dwarf, the warrior,
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:54,816 the cleric, and the Jew.
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:56,651 Paladin! - Very well.
00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:59,112 You shall be the fellowship of "The Lord of the Rings."
00:12:59,237 --> 00:13:00,489 Good luck.
00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:02,199 I have to go home now before I get in trouble.
00:13:02,324 --> 00:13:04,367 Me too! - Uh-huh.
00:13:04,493 --> 00:13:05,702 Only the six of us are to go?
00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:07,037 No, no. There's seven of us.
00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:09,080 Kenny's soul is still trapped in Cartman's body, remember?
00:13:09,206 --> 00:13:10,123 Yeah, stupid.
00:13:10,248 --> 00:13:12,125 Yeah, luckily Cartman's big enough for the both of us.
00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:13,627 Shut up, Kenny!
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:18,215 [ Narration ] <i>And so it was that the heroes traveled many miles</i>
00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:21,718 <i>to return "The Lord of the Rings" to the video store.</i>
00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:24,846 We have reached the great pass of Mount Uruloch.
00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:26,598 Look out!
00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:28,058 We were almost killed!
00:13:28,183 --> 00:13:30,310 A dark wizard must be trying to stop us!
00:13:30,435 --> 00:13:32,646 Someone or something doesn't want this video returned
00:13:32,771 --> 00:13:34,272 to the video store.
00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:38,944 Oh. Hello, everybody.
00:13:39,069 --> 00:13:40,695 Steve, we heard that a bunch of the kids
00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:42,239 were over here a little while ago.
00:13:42,364 --> 00:13:44,449 Well, yes, I believe they were, but they've gone.
00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:45,700 What's the matter?
00:13:45,826 --> 00:13:49,913 We think our boys might be showing other children a, uh...
00:13:50,038 --> 00:13:51,456 pornographic tape.
00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:52,290 What?
00:13:52,415 --> 00:13:54,417 But Token's never seen a porno before.
00:13:54,543 --> 00:13:56,169 He wouldn't know what to -- Oh, God!
00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:57,254 Token!
00:14:02,217 --> 00:14:03,802 Token?
00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:07,597 Did the boys come over and... show you a movie?
00:14:08,974 --> 00:14:10,642 Token?
00:14:11,685 --> 00:14:12,769 All right, Token.
00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:15,856 We know you must be very confused about what you saw.
00:14:17,816 --> 00:14:18,942 Yes.
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:22,612 You see, Token, that was called a pornographic film.
00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:25,031 It shows adult men and adult women
00:14:25,156 --> 00:14:27,367 having sexual intercourse.
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:33,081 Well, y-you see, when a -- when a man and a woman fall in love,
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:36,251 the -- the man puts his penis in the woman's vagina.
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:39,588 It's called lovemaking, and it's part of being in love.
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:44,009 And when the woman has four penises in her at the same time,
00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:45,802 then stands over the men and pees on them,
00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:47,721 is that part of being in love, too?
00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:51,766 Five midgets spanking a man
00:14:51,892 --> 00:14:53,476 covered with Thousand Island dressing --
00:14:53,602 --> 00:14:55,103 Is that making love?
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,022 Jesus. What kind of porno was that?
00:14:57,147 --> 00:14:58,815 It was "Back Door Sluts 9".
00:14:58,940 --> 00:15:01,568 Oh, Jesus! Not that one!
00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:03,737 Oh, Gerald, poor Kyle must be just as confused
00:15:03,862 --> 00:15:05,196 and scared as this poor kid.
00:15:05,322 --> 00:15:07,407 Token, this is very important.
00:15:07,532 --> 00:15:10,493 Do you know where the boys went with the naughty tape?
00:15:10,619 --> 00:15:12,537 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:14,497 We're entering the limits of Bailey.
00:15:14,623 --> 00:15:15,665 Everyone stay close.
00:15:15,790 --> 00:15:17,417 Perhaps the great ringworm of Bailey is about.
00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:19,711 Ringworms are no match for a dwarf.
00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:22,464 Yes, we shall slay the ringworm and take its bounty of treasure.
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:23,757 For that is the way of the --
00:15:23,882 --> 00:15:25,091 I shall put a magic spell on you!
00:15:25,216 --> 00:15:27,010 I have blocked your spell, wizard!
00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:28,470 Hey, what are you guys doing?
00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:30,805 We're playing Harry Potter.
00:15:30,931 --> 00:15:32,265 Ha!
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:33,725 Fags!
00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:39,022 You guys, somebody's following us.
00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:40,523 It's Butters. - Butters?
00:15:40,649 --> 00:15:42,609 Yes. He's been following us for like two hours.
00:15:42,734 --> 00:15:45,570 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:47,113 The precious videotape.
00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:48,615 L-Let the Butters see it.
00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:50,784 Just ignore him. Maybe he'll go away.
00:15:50,909 --> 00:15:53,036 Hey, fellas, mind if we take a little r-rest?
00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:55,121 There is no time for rest, sorcerer. Keep up.
00:15:55,246 --> 00:15:57,207 [ Shouting in distance ]
00:15:57,332 --> 00:15:59,209 [ Music continues ]
00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:00,585 [All shouting ]
00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:02,545 They are coming.
00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:05,298 You guys go on ahead.
00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:07,801 - Jimmy, are you sure? - Go!
00:16:09,761 --> 00:16:12,138 You shall not p-pa...
00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:16,017 You shall not pa...pa...
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:19,604 You shall not pa... - [All shouting ]
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:25,735 You shall not p--
00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:27,070 you shall not p-pa--
00:16:27,195 --> 00:16:29,489 p-p-p...pa...
00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:31,491 You shall -- p...
00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:33,159 [ Shouting fades ]
00:16:33,284 --> 00:16:36,371 [ Grunts ] You shall not p-pass.
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:37,664 Jimmy didn't stop them!
00:16:37,789 --> 00:16:39,499 They're going to take "The Lord of the Rings" from us!
00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:40,667 Quick! Cross the river!
00:16:40,792 --> 00:16:42,335 Sixth graders can't stand water.
00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:43,545 What? That's stupid.
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:45,046 I am a high-ranking white wizard, Craig,
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:46,840 and I say sixth graders are opposed to water!
00:16:46,965 --> 00:16:49,259 Whatever. I'm going back to play with the Harry Potter kids.
00:16:49,384 --> 00:16:50,844 Me too.
00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:54,848 Go ahead and play Harry butt-hole pussy Potter!
00:16:54,973 --> 00:16:57,183 Just get across the river! They're coming!
00:16:57,308 --> 00:16:59,602 [ Boys shouting ]
00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:02,856 Whoa! - Whoa!
00:17:02,981 --> 00:17:05,191 What the hell is wrong with you guys?! Get the tape!
00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:06,693 Dude, I don't want to get wet.
00:17:06,818 --> 00:17:08,319 Yeah. I don't really like the water.
00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:10,739 Besides, if our bikes get wet, the chains will rust.
00:17:10,864 --> 00:17:13,491 Oh, God damn it. All right. Come on. We'll find a bridge.
00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:15,160 [ Shouting continues ]
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,329 [ Narration ] <i>The quest continued to return</i>
00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:20,790 <i>"The Lord of the Rings" to the video store.</i>
00:17:20,915 --> 00:17:22,876 Man, we should have never crossed that stupid river.
00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:25,587 Yeah. Good job, wizard fat-ass. Now we're totally lost.
00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:27,130 We're not lost, Jewgar of Jewlingrad.
00:17:27,255 --> 00:17:28,423 We just don't know where we are.
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:29,841 That's what lost means, stupid.
00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:31,885 Kenny, shut your Goddamn mouth! - This is great.
00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:33,011 We're in the middle of nowhere
00:17:33,136 --> 00:17:35,430 and nobody knows what direction the video store is in.
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,265 The Butters knowses.
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,517 Oh, brother. - The video store. Yes.
00:17:39,642 --> 00:17:42,353 Not far from here. W-We can show you wheres it is.
00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:43,188 Where?
00:17:43,313 --> 00:17:46,441 First just let Butters s-see the precious.
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:48,401 No, Butters. Look what it's done to you.
00:17:48,526 --> 00:17:50,153 It's made you even lamer than before.
00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:51,279 If that was possible.
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:53,031 Tell us how to get to the video store, Butters,
00:17:53,156 --> 00:17:54,365 or else we're gonna kick your ass!
00:17:54,491 --> 00:17:57,118 No hurtses the Butters. We will show you the way.
00:17:57,243 --> 00:18:00,121 Yes. This way it is.
00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:01,539 This is awful!
00:18:01,664 --> 00:18:03,124 I just know with every passing minute,
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,877 little Kyle is seeing more and more depraved sex acts!
00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:06,961 We'll find them.
00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:09,297 And then we'll try to put what they saw into context.
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:10,799 Look! There's one of the boys now.
00:18:10,924 --> 00:18:12,675 [ Tires screech ]
00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:14,135 Jimmy! - Jimmy! Jimmy!
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:16,346 Where did the boys go with the porno tape?
00:18:16,471 --> 00:18:18,348 They were taking it to the v...
00:18:18,473 --> 00:18:21,226 the v...the v...
00:18:21,351 --> 00:18:23,228 Come on, Jimmy. We don't have a lot of time.
00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:24,938 They took it back to the video s...
00:18:25,063 --> 00:18:26,731 the video s...
00:18:26,856 --> 00:18:28,650 The video sandwich?
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:30,026 The video stockyard?
00:18:30,151 --> 00:18:31,569 What's a video stockyard, Jimmy?
00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:33,571 No. The video st...
00:18:33,696 --> 00:18:34,739 The video st...
00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:35,990 Stinger? - Staples!
00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:38,326 They went to the video staples. Where's that, Jimmy?
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:39,953 N-No, you retards!
00:18:40,078 --> 00:18:41,996 The video s-store.
00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:43,289 [All ] The video store!
00:18:43,414 --> 00:18:44,582 Hurry! Hurry!
00:18:44,707 --> 00:18:46,084 I know where it is.
00:18:46,209 --> 00:18:48,419 [ Engines start, tires screech ]
00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:52,924 [All panting ]
00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:54,926 [ Dramatic music plays ]
00:18:55,051 --> 00:18:57,178 Oh, no! They're closed! - Closed?!
00:18:57,303 --> 00:18:59,305 There they are! [ Boys shouting ]
00:18:59,430 --> 00:19:01,766 Don't let 'em turn it back in to the video store!
00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:02,934 We're screwed.
00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:04,352 Wait! A drop box!
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,147 Quick, Kyle! Drop the movie in!
00:19:07,272 --> 00:19:09,440 Finally, it's over.
00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:12,110 Precious. Must have our precious.
00:19:12,235 --> 00:19:13,903 Aah! - Butters! No!
00:19:14,028 --> 00:19:15,530 Nows wes hasses it.
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:16,906 [All shouting ]
00:19:17,031 --> 00:19:18,032 They're coming!
00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:20,618 It has to go back!
00:19:20,743 --> 00:19:22,287 It wantses to stay with the Butterses.
00:19:22,412 --> 00:19:24,164 There it is. Give me that tape.
00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:28,793 Let go of the tape, Butters! - I'm never letting go!
00:19:28,918 --> 00:19:29,878 Fine!
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:31,546 [ Echoing ] Precious!
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,339 No!
00:19:33,464 --> 00:19:34,883 No! No!
00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:36,968 Damn it!
00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:39,470 Aw, man, now we'll never see the hot action.
00:19:39,596 --> 00:19:41,723 You stupid little fourth graders!
00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:43,308 The tape is returned to which it came.
00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:45,226 Its power over you shall fade as well.
00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:46,603 Middle-earth is again safe.
00:19:46,728 --> 00:19:49,731 Yeah? Well, that's not gonna stop us from kicking your asses.
00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:51,357 Uh-oh.
00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:55,195 [ Horn honking ]
00:19:56,654 --> 00:19:57,655 Boys! Boys!
00:19:57,780 --> 00:19:59,115 Crap! Parents.
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:00,617 Come on, guys.
00:20:00,742 --> 00:20:03,411 We'll see you next time, fourthies.
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:06,122 And perhaps they would.
00:20:06,247 --> 00:20:08,416 But for now, the sixth-grader army was defeated.
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:09,459 There you are.
00:20:09,584 --> 00:20:11,127 Oh, Kyle! You're safe!
00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:13,004 Oh, hey, guys. We were just about to come home.
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:14,297 We had to return the video.
00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:15,798 All right. Now -- Now, listen, kids.
00:20:15,924 --> 00:20:18,301 There are some things we need to put into context for you.
00:20:18,426 --> 00:20:21,304 You see, a man puts his penis into a woman's vagina
00:20:21,429 --> 00:20:23,181 for both love and pleasure.
00:20:23,306 --> 00:20:25,433 But sometimes the woman lays on top of the man,
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,268 facing the other way so that they can put
00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:29,229 each other's genitals in their mouths.
00:20:29,354 --> 00:20:31,940 This is called sixty-nining, and it's normal.
00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:34,359 See, boys, a woman is sensitive in her vagina,
00:20:34,484 --> 00:20:37,111 and it feels good to have a man's penis inside of it.
00:20:37,237 --> 00:20:38,112 That's right.
00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:40,865 But sometimes a woman chooses to use other things --
00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:42,825 telephones, staplers, magazines.
00:20:42,951 --> 00:20:46,204 It's because the nerve endings in the vagina are so sensitive.
00:20:46,329 --> 00:20:47,914 It's like a fun tickle.
00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:49,832 Now, on to double penetration, boys.
00:20:49,958 --> 00:20:52,961 You see, sometimes when a woman has sex with more than one man,
00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:54,879 each man makes love to a different orifice.
00:20:55,004 --> 00:20:55,880 That's right.
00:20:56,005 --> 00:20:57,173 It's something adults can do
00:20:57,298 --> 00:20:59,425 with really good friends in a comfortable setting.
00:20:59,550 --> 00:21:01,219 It's also important that you understand
00:21:01,344 --> 00:21:03,805 why some people choose to urinate on each other.
00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:06,099 Going number one or number two on your lover
00:21:06,224 --> 00:21:08,184 is something people might do,
00:21:08,309 --> 00:21:10,770 but you must make sure your partner is okay with it
00:21:10,895 --> 00:21:12,313 before you start doing it.
00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:15,400 Okay, boys. Do you have any questions?
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:20,280 Wow.
00:21:23,574 --> 00:21:25,118 Well, let's all get going.
00:21:25,243 --> 00:21:27,287 Yeah. Come on, boys. Time to get home.
00:21:28,329 --> 00:21:30,248 [ Insects chirping, dog barking in distance ]
00:21:30,373 --> 00:21:32,208 Wait a minute. Where's Butters?
00:21:32,917 --> 00:21:35,128 W-Wes hasses our preciouses.
00:21:35,253 --> 00:21:36,963 Hasses it. Hasses it.

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