Лестница в небо

00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:13,889

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:15,683

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,808 --> 00:00:18,602

♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,688

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:20,813 --> 00:00:22,106

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

00:00:22,231 --> 00:00:25,401

♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,194

♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪

00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:28,571

♪ Timmy, Timmy,

liv-a-la, Timmy! ♪

00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:32,450

♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

00:00:36,245 --> 00:00:39,623

Oh! Hello, there, kids.

Welcome to Lolly's candy shop.

00:00:39,749 --> 00:00:41,459

We're the kids whose names

you called on your commercial.

00:00:41,584 --> 00:00:42,710

We're here to do

the shopping spree.

00:00:42,835 --> 00:00:44,045

Oh, that's great!

00:00:44,170 --> 00:00:46,005

You bet your fat clown ass

it is.

00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:48,924

Okay. Well, I'll just need

your ticket stub.

00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:50,968

Ticket stub?

00:00:51,093 --> 00:00:52,803

You know --

When you entered the contest,

00:00:52,928 --> 00:00:54,555

you got the other half

of this ticket.

00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:55,973

Oh, shit!

who has the ticket stub?

00:00:56,098 --> 00:00:57,308

It was such a long time ago!

00:00:57,433 --> 00:00:59,226

We don't really need

the ticket stub, do we?

00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:01,520

Don't need the ticket stub?

Are you high?

00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:03,314

How else do I know

you're the winners?

00:01:03,439 --> 00:01:05,316

Because our names were called

on the commercial last night.

00:01:05,441 --> 00:01:08,486

Sorry, boys. No ticket stub,

no candy shopping spree.

00:01:08,611 --> 00:01:10,362

If you find it,

you can come back.

00:01:10,488 --> 00:01:12,698

But you only have one week

to claim the prize.

00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:15,451

That's called a ticking clock.

Works great in the movies.

00:01:20,039 --> 00:01:21,415

God damn it!

00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:23,292

We've got to find that ticket.

- Which one of us took it?

00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:24,877

It was so long ago.

I-I can't remember.

00:01:25,002 --> 00:01:27,838

We've got to focus.

We've got to focus and remember.

00:01:28,881 --> 00:01:30,674

All right!

There you go.

00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:32,009

Hold on

to that ticket stub.

00:01:32,134 --> 00:01:33,844

You'll need it

to claim your prize.

00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:35,763

Sign up for the five-minute

shopping spree!

00:01:35,888 --> 00:01:37,848

You hold on to this, Cartman.

I might lose it.

00:01:37,973 --> 00:01:40,601

No. I'll lose it for sure.

You keep track of it, Kyle.

00:01:40,726 --> 00:01:42,394

Okay.

00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,355

N-No. I don't want

that much responsibility.

00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:46,190

Here.

You hold on to it, Kenny.

00:01:46,315 --> 00:01:47,817

Mrph rm.

00:01:50,236 --> 00:01:51,112

Kenny!

00:01:51,237 --> 00:01:52,530

Aah!

- Aah!

00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,451

Yes?

00:01:57,576 --> 00:01:58,661

Where's Kenny?

00:01:59,995 --> 00:02:03,541

Uh, boys...

Kenny died last December.

00:02:03,666 --> 00:02:05,042

Don't you remember?

00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:07,503

We know he's dead.

We mean where is his body?

00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,839

His body?

But why?

00:02:09,964 --> 00:02:11,674

Because he has

the goddamn ticket for the --

00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:13,384

Look, we just really miss

our friend,

00:02:13,509 --> 00:02:16,095

and, uh, and we need to see

his remains for closure.

00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:18,389

Yeah. Closure.

- What the fuck is closure?

00:02:18,514 --> 00:02:20,224

Oh, all right, boys.

Come on in.

00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:23,352

We haven't seen you boys

for so long.

00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:25,771

W-We thought you'd forgotten

all about him.

00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:29,066

Here he is, boys.

Our dear little Kenny.

00:02:29,191 --> 00:02:32,695

You turned him into a teapot?

00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,572

No.

That's an urn, boys.

00:02:34,697 --> 00:02:35,823

Kenny's inside it.

00:02:35,948 --> 00:02:37,825

Your friends are here

to see you, Kenny.

00:02:37,950 --> 00:02:40,452

They miss you an awful lot,

like we all do.

00:02:41,996 --> 00:02:44,832

T-Thanks for coming by, boys.

It -- It means a lot to us.

00:02:44,957 --> 00:02:47,501

Oh, now, honey.

00:03:07,605 --> 00:03:08,564

Did you get it?

- Hold on.

00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:11,108

I'm checking for robot guards.

00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:12,818

There's not gonna be

any robot guards, retard.

00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:14,403

Just get Kenny.

00:03:16,113 --> 00:03:17,948

You guys piss me off.

00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:24,205

All right!

We made it.

00:03:24,330 --> 00:03:26,040

Kenny better have the

ticket stub with him in there.

00:03:26,165 --> 00:03:27,666

Let him out, Cartman.

00:03:29,752 --> 00:03:31,921

Kenny?

00:03:32,046 --> 00:03:33,088

Kenny?

- Is he in there?

00:03:33,214 --> 00:03:34,340

I can't see.

00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:39,470

What the hell is this,

chocolate-milk mix?

00:03:39,595 --> 00:03:41,222

I knew Kenny couldn't fit

in that teapot.

00:03:41,347 --> 00:03:42,264

It was a trick!

00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:44,558

God damn it! This isn't even

good chocolate-milk mix!

00:03:44,683 --> 00:03:46,477

Kenny's parents must be laughing

pretty hard about now.

00:03:46,602 --> 00:03:47,519

We were dumb enough to believe

00:03:47,645 --> 00:03:48,854

Kenny's body could be

in a teapot.

00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:50,606

Why would they play

such a cruel joke on us?

00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:51,690

Because they're poor, Kyle!

00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:53,067

Poor people don't have anything

better to do

00:03:53,192 --> 00:03:54,068

than piss other people off.

00:03:54,193 --> 00:03:56,278

Don't you watch "Springer"?

- We just have to face it.

00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:57,321

We're not gonna get Kenny back,

00:03:57,446 --> 00:03:58,113

and we're not gonna have

our shopping spree.

00:03:58,239 --> 00:03:59,740

It's over.

- God damn it!

00:03:59,865 --> 00:04:01,492

There has to be a way!

00:04:01,617 --> 00:04:02,868

Hmm.

00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:12,836

Hmm.

Not bad.

00:04:26,392 --> 00:04:28,686

Hurry up, Kenny.

You're gonna be late for school!

00:04:28,811 --> 00:04:30,437

Aah!

00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:32,231

I don't think

that chocolate-milk mix

00:04:32,356 --> 00:04:33,482

agreed with my stomach.

00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,027

Cartman, come on!

- What?! What?!

00:04:37,152 --> 00:04:39,071

Jesus, you butt-holes!

It's 6:00 in the morning!

00:04:39,196 --> 00:04:41,615

Kyle figured out a way to get

our ticket stub back from Kenny!

00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:42,658

How?

00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:43,826

A ladder to heaven.

00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:45,119

We build it, climb up,

00:04:45,244 --> 00:04:47,997

and get our winning ticket back

from that asshole Kenny.

00:04:52,751 --> 00:04:54,837

Hey, if you boys are building

a clubhouse,

00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:56,380

you should start with the floor.

00:04:56,505 --> 00:04:57,339

We're not building a clubhouse.

00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:58,549

We're building a ladder

to heaven.

00:04:58,674 --> 00:05:00,968

A ladder to heaven?

Why, son?

00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:02,636

Because we want to see Kenny

again.

00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:07,391

Oh.

Oh, that's so sweet.

00:05:07,516 --> 00:05:09,560

That's the s-saddest thing

I've ever heard.

00:05:09,685 --> 00:05:11,395

Hey, Randy,

can I borrow your, uh...

00:05:12,021 --> 00:05:13,605

What the hell are they doing?

00:05:13,731 --> 00:05:15,858

The boys want to see their

dead friend Kenny again, Jimbo,

00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:18,610

so they're...

building a ladder to heaven.

00:05:18,736 --> 00:05:19,903

Aw.

00:05:20,029 --> 00:05:21,989

Kyle, I think you've bothered

the Marshes enough.

00:05:22,114 --> 00:05:23,282

No.

It's all right, Sheila.

00:05:23,407 --> 00:05:24,700

The boys were just...

00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:27,411

building a ladder to heaven

to see their old friend Kenny.

00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:29,455

A ladder to -- Oh.

00:05:29,580 --> 00:05:30,497

Oh, gosh.

00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:32,374

Oh, that's so touching.

00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:39,590

Tom, I'm standing

in South Park, Colorado,

00:05:39,715 --> 00:05:40,716

where last December,

00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:43,802

8-year-old Kenny McCormick died

of a terminal illness.

00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:46,138

But now that little boy's

three closest friends

00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:47,765

miss their friend so much

00:05:47,890 --> 00:05:51,602

that they are building a ladder

to heaven in order to...

00:05:51,727 --> 00:05:54,938

a-a ladder to heaven in order

to try to see him again.

00:05:55,064 --> 00:05:57,274

It's so sad

and yet so beautiful, Tom.

00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:59,109

Here's what some people

had to say.

00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:00,944

Well, our son just said to us

00:06:01,070 --> 00:06:04,573

that he really needed to see his

little friend Kenny again and...

00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:07,451

...and that he thought

it would work if he...

00:06:07,576 --> 00:06:09,411

...built a ladder to heaven.

00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:10,954

They just believe

in their little hearts

00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:11,955

that it will work.

00:06:12,081 --> 00:06:14,166

We can't tell them it won't.

We just can't!

00:06:14,291 --> 00:06:17,086

It shows how beautiful the

innocence of a child really is.

00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,802

A ladder to heaven?

That's fucking stupid.

00:06:24,927 --> 00:06:27,846

These boys symbolize

how we all feel about loss.

00:06:27,971 --> 00:06:29,932

Who are we to tell them

it's impossible?

00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,893

Tom, people from all over the...

Sorry.

00:06:33,018 --> 00:06:35,646

People from all over the country

are coming to see the ladder,

00:06:35,771 --> 00:06:38,190

feeling a connection

to its symbolism and beauty.

00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:40,609

Even country singer Alan Jackson

has shown up

00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:43,070

with a song he has written

about the ladder.

00:06:43,195 --> 00:06:45,155

Alan Jackson is, of course,

the man who wrote the song

00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:47,032

"Where Were You"

00:06:47,157 --> 00:06:48,951

about the tragedies

on September 11th.

00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:52,162

And now he's here once again to

capitalize on people's emotions.

00:06:52,287 --> 00:06:53,664

Let's listen in.

00:06:53,789 --> 00:06:58,669

♪ Where were you when they

built the ladder to heaven? ♪

00:06:58,794 --> 00:07:01,630

♪ Did it make you feel

like cryin' ♪

00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:04,550

♪ Or did you think

it was kinda gay? ♪

00:07:04,675 --> 00:07:06,009

What a beautiful song.

00:07:06,135 --> 00:07:10,889

♪ Well, I, for one, believe

in the ladder to heaven ♪

00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:14,184

♪ Mm, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

00:07:14,309 --> 00:07:16,478

♪ 9/11 ♪

00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:18,814

♪ I said 9/11 ♪

00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:22,192

♪ 9/11, 9/11 ♪

00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:26,196

♪ 9, 9, 9 ♪

00:07:26,321 --> 00:07:28,490

♪ 11 ♪

00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,078

Thank you!

I have a new CD out

00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:35,706

with all my 9/11 songs for sale

right here.

00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:46,717

Oh, good! Cartman's back

from the junkyard.

00:07:46,842 --> 00:07:48,886

I found this car seat

in Mr. Garrison's car.

00:07:49,011 --> 00:07:50,721

Mr. Garrison threw away his car?

00:07:50,846 --> 00:07:51,972

No.

00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:57,728

Hurry up, Kenny.

You're gonna be late for school!

00:07:57,853 --> 00:08:02,608

Kenny, do you by chance know

what happened to my Playboys?

00:08:02,733 --> 00:08:04,526

Kenny, answer me!

00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:06,195

Cartman? Cartman!

00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:07,196

W-What? What?

00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:08,780

Dude, what the hell

is wrong with you?

00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:09,740

I don't know.

00:08:09,865 --> 00:08:12,242

It's like my brain just keeps...

jacking off.

00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:14,077

Maybe you've got brain cancer.

- You think?!

00:08:14,203 --> 00:08:15,454

Don't get cancer on the ladder,

Cartman.

00:08:15,579 --> 00:08:16,872

You're gonna fall off

and break it.

00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:23,253

The nation is rallying behind

three sweet boys in Colorado

00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:24,713

who are building

a ladder to heaven

00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,340

to be with their dead friend.

00:08:26,465 --> 00:08:29,426

It's making Americans start

to believe in heaven again.

00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:31,845

When I see how this ladder

has brought people together,

00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:33,722

how -- how it has changed

America,

00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,307

I mean, how can I not believe?

00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:37,643

Do you actually believe

in the ladder to heaven?

00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:41,605

If heaven is an 8-year-old boy

and the ladder is my penis.

00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:43,357

And the pearly gates are the --

00:08:43,482 --> 00:08:46,401

Pshhhht!

00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:48,654

Uh, meanwhile,

the American economy cont--

00:08:48,779 --> 00:08:50,697

Wait. Wait.

Wait a minute.

00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:51,949

We are getting reports now

00:08:52,074 --> 00:08:54,409

that Japan is building

their own ladder to heaven

00:08:54,535 --> 00:08:56,078

to compete with the U.S.'s.

00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:59,081

Let's go live to SNN

correspondent Nobu Hirosahsubua.

00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:03,460

This is Nobunaga Hiroichi

reporting live from Tokyo,

00:09:03,585 --> 00:09:07,339

where Japan has started building

its own ladder to heaven.

00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:10,759

Already the Japanese ladder

extend far into space

00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:14,054

and is growing by 1,000 miles

every day.

00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:16,765

As the endeavor continues,

it is becoming clear

00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:20,519

that Japan will reach heaven

before the United States.

00:09:20,644 --> 00:09:22,229

Pbht!

00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:24,773

♪ Fah-hu-ra-ha ♪

00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:27,526

♪ Fah-hu-ra-ha ♪

- Uh, excuse me.

00:09:27,651 --> 00:09:29,695

♪ Fah-hu-ra-ha ♪

- Excuse me!

00:09:29,820 --> 00:09:32,698

♪ Fah-hu-ra-ha ♪

- Uh, we ran out of stuff.

00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:36,952

We ran out of stuff

to build the ladder with.

00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,161

Oh, no.

00:09:38,287 --> 00:09:39,663

Oh, Jesus, no.

00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:42,165

♪ Where were you

when they ran out of stuff ♪

00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:45,043

♪ To build the ladder

to heaven? ♪

00:09:45,168 --> 00:09:47,004

We can keep going, but we need

to start tearing down houses

00:09:47,129 --> 00:09:48,505

for wood.

- No!

00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:51,008

Uh, look, I think maybe

this has gone far enough.

00:09:51,133 --> 00:09:52,009

Yeah.

00:09:52,134 --> 00:09:54,011

I-It's time we told the boys

the truth --

00:09:54,136 --> 00:09:55,971

that they aren't really

going to get to heaven.

00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,806

Wait!

Look!

00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:03,020

We've come to help you beat

those Japs, boys.

00:10:03,145 --> 00:10:04,396

There won't be anyone stopping

00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,481

this great ladder

from being built today!

00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:11,486

Alpha team,

get that support structure up!

00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:13,822

Surveillance team,

get us photos and recon!

00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,157

Yes, sir!

00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:16,283

♪ Where were you ♪

00:10:16,408 --> 00:10:19,953

♪ When they saved

that ladder to heaven? ♪

00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:21,079

Man, I can't believe how much

00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:22,623

people want us

to get our ticket back.

00:10:22,748 --> 00:10:25,459

Candy shopping sprees have

that effect on people, Kyle.

00:10:35,052 --> 00:10:36,261

You see anything?

00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:37,429

No.

00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:40,474

Hello?

Kenny?

00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:43,435

God?

00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:44,645

Grandma?

00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:49,816

Oh, don't tell me we haven't

even reached the cloud city yet.

00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:51,193

No cloud city.

Not even the giant.

00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:52,819

Heaven must still be

a long way off.

00:10:52,944 --> 00:10:54,780

All right. Look. I didn't

want to have to say this.

00:10:54,905 --> 00:10:56,573

But I think maybe

we're not seeing heaven

00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:58,742

because one of us

doesn't believe in it enough.

00:10:58,867 --> 00:10:59,451

Huh?

00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:01,828

Heaven could be like the pixie

fairies of Bubble Yum forest.

00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:03,872

You only see them

if you really believe in them.

00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:04,873

What?

- You know.

00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:08,835

Maybe we're not seeing heaven

because one of us is a J-O-O.

00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:12,047

What does me being a Jew

have to do with anything?!

00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,590

Because Jews don't believe

in heaven!

00:11:13,715 --> 00:11:15,550

Yes, we do!

Just not the Christian heaven!

00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:16,176

Right!

00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:18,595

Your idea of heaven is getting

$5 off your matzo ball soup

00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,514

at Barney's Beanery

by lying about a hair in it.

00:11:20,639 --> 00:11:21,431

Aah!

00:11:24,393 --> 00:11:25,602

Hey, Kenny.

- Hey, Kenny.

00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:27,062

Mrph rmhmhm rm.

00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,980

♪ In the ghetto,

in the ghetto ♪

00:11:29,106 --> 00:11:30,774

♪ He's a boy wearing orange

who's losing his pride ♪

00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:32,275

♪ 'Cause Kenny

and his whole family reside ♪

00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:34,444

♪ In the ghetto,

in the ghetto ♪

00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:36,071

Mrph rmhmhm rm mrph rm!

00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,072

What did you say?!

00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:38,949

Mrph mrph rm

rmhmhm rm mrph rm!

00:11:39,074 --> 00:11:40,242

What did you say?!

00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:43,328

I said, "Shut up, Cartman,

you blood-belching vagina!"

00:11:45,414 --> 00:11:47,624

Did I just call myself

a blood-belching vagina?

00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:49,209

Dude, what the hell

is wrong with you?

00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:50,252

I don't know.

I just --

00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:51,920

I keep feeling like I'm Kenny,

00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:53,922

seeing memories

through his eyes.

00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:55,757

You're too fat to be Kenny.

00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:58,802

You're a...stupid Jew.

- Let's just keep building.

00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:00,887

We only have five more days

until the shopping spree.

00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:04,349

All right.

How's the ladder going, General?

00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:05,642

Are we beating the Japanese?

00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:08,395

Not quite. But we have

a new problem, Mr. President.

00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:11,231

Our recon team on the ladder

just found new evidence

00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:13,734

of threats from Saddam Hussein.

00:12:13,859 --> 00:12:16,570

Saddam Hussein?

But...we killed him!

00:12:16,695 --> 00:12:18,321

We secretly took him out

months ago.

00:12:18,447 --> 00:12:21,116

Yes, sir, and now we believe

that he's building weapons

00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:24,453

of mass destruction...in heaven.

00:12:24,578 --> 00:12:27,080

Dear Christ. That son of a bitch

just doesn't stop.

00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:29,374

These surveillance photos

were taken atop the ladder

00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:31,126

of what appears to be heaven.

00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,754

Here we see what we believe

to be a missile silo.

00:12:33,879 --> 00:12:36,590

And here we see what looks like

a laboratory of some sort

00:12:36,715 --> 00:12:38,133

for making chemical weapons.

00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,802

That kind of looks like

a sea gull.

00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:43,972

Yes. It could be a laboratory

disguised as a sea gull.

00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:45,557

That tricky bastard.

00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:46,850

Sir, you must understand

our fears.

00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:48,477

We must take out

those facilities.

00:12:48,602 --> 00:12:51,730

We must...bomb heaven.

00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:53,648

SNN question of the day --

00:12:53,774 --> 00:12:56,151

Now that Americans believe

in heaven, should we bomb it?

00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,612

The polls right now show

that 51% of Americans

00:12:58,737 --> 00:12:59,946

think Saddam has to be

dealt with,

00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:02,407

while 49% are wimpy,

tree-hugging pussies.

00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:04,159

War is not my voice.

00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:07,579

This country's run by rednecks

and bumpkins with their guns!

00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:10,665

We have to take Saddam out

to protect ourselves.

00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:11,792

I, for one, believe

00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:13,794

that if Saddam Hussein

were an 8-year-old boy

00:13:13,919 --> 00:13:17,422

and my penis were the United

States, then there would...

00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:18,632

Hard nipples!

00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:20,258

God damn it.

00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:21,927

Pshhhht!

00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:25,722

Tom, it's been five days

since three sweet boys

00:13:25,847 --> 00:13:27,432

set out to build a ladder

to heaven

00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:29,392

and captured

the nation's hearts.

00:13:29,518 --> 00:13:32,354

They've made a nation believe

heaven might be up there --

00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:35,190

and it could prove to be

a threat to our country.

00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:38,443

President Bush will seek U.N.

approval for military action.

00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:41,446

Boys, it's really neat

00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:45,200

that you want to see your

old pal Kenny so much, but...

00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,702

But it's time for you

to get back to school

00:13:47,828 --> 00:13:48,912

and on with your lives.

00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:50,163

No.

We have to see Kenny.

00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:51,540

You have to understand

00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:53,542

that Kenny's body

isn't up in the clouds.

00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:55,043

He was cremated.

00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:56,127

Cremated?

What's that?

00:13:56,253 --> 00:13:58,839

When you die, your body is put

into a broiling oven

00:13:58,964 --> 00:14:01,007

and cooked

until you're nothing but ashes.

00:14:02,217 --> 00:14:03,552

What?!

For God's sakes, why?!

00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:06,346

It's just what some people do.

- Are you gonna burn me?

00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:08,014

Kyle, that's not the issue

right now.

00:14:08,139 --> 00:14:09,182

Jesus Christ!

00:14:09,307 --> 00:14:11,268

A person's ashes

are put into an urn,

00:14:11,393 --> 00:14:13,103

and that's where

Kenny's body is.

00:14:13,228 --> 00:14:15,897

You see, boys, Kenny is in here.

00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:18,608

What the...

00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:22,112

W-Wait a minute!

This is kitty litter!

00:14:22,237 --> 00:14:23,363

All right. All right.

00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:24,865

I drank the chocolate-milk mix

00:14:24,990 --> 00:14:26,825

and replaced it

with kitty litter.

00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:27,826

You what?!

00:14:27,951 --> 00:14:29,494

Dude, don't you know

what this means?

00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:31,413

You drank Kenny!

00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:32,497

Shut up.

00:14:32,622 --> 00:14:35,166

You did, dude.

You drank his whole body!

00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:36,543

Shut up.

00:14:36,668 --> 00:14:39,462

Oh, my God! This is awful!

00:14:39,588 --> 00:14:41,381

And disgusting.

00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,426

Bad, Eric. Bad.

00:14:45,427 --> 00:14:46,303

That explains it --

00:14:46,428 --> 00:14:48,221

why I'm having Kenny's memories

all the time.

00:14:48,346 --> 00:14:49,890

His soul is inside me!

00:14:50,015 --> 00:14:51,224

So much for our winning ticket.

00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:53,018

Cartman probably drank that

with the rest of Kenny.

00:14:53,143 --> 00:14:54,477

Yeah.

Good job, fat-ass.

00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:57,272

I can't live like this.

00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:58,565

I-I have to find a place

00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:01,109

where they remove living souls

from your body.

00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:05,989

Looks like I've come

to the right place.

00:15:06,114 --> 00:15:07,866

Can I help you?

- Yes. Hello.

00:15:07,991 --> 00:15:09,659

I have a living thing

inside of me

00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:11,161

that I need sucked out, please.

00:15:11,286 --> 00:15:12,829

You'll have to make

an appointment.

00:15:12,954 --> 00:15:14,706

The charge is $230.

00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:15,832

$230?!

00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:17,417

I just want you to vacuum him

out of me,

00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:19,044

not put him up in a condominium!

00:15:19,169 --> 00:15:21,171

It's gonna be okay, babe.

00:15:21,296 --> 00:15:23,256

Listen, lady! You got to get

this crap out of me!

00:15:23,381 --> 00:15:24,257

I don't want him in me anymore!

00:15:24,382 --> 00:15:26,468

Just suck him up

and throw him out!

00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,762

Oh, Steven,

I can't go through with this.

00:15:28,887 --> 00:15:30,931

I have to keep it!

00:15:31,056 --> 00:15:33,224

Damn it!

Damn it!

00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:36,061

Thanks a lot, kid!

00:15:39,356 --> 00:15:41,399

Kenny...Kenny...Kenny...

00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:44,069

Kenny, Lolly's Candy Land is

giving away a shopping spree!

00:15:44,194 --> 00:15:46,154

We're all gonna pitch in

on an entry...entry...

00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:47,572

All right!

There you go.

00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:49,908

Hold on to that ticket stub...

ticket stub...ticket stub...

00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:52,243

Hold on to this, Cartman.

I might lose it...lose it...

00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:53,578

No.

I'll lose it for sure.

00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:55,830

You keep track of it, Kyle...

of it, Kyle...of it, Kyle.

00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:56,873

Okay. No.

00:15:56,998 --> 00:15:58,750

I don't want that much

responsibility...sibility...

00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:00,293

Here. You hold on to it,

Kenny...Kenny...

00:16:00,418 --> 00:16:01,836

Mrph rm! Mrph rm...mrph rm...

00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:04,422

You better not lose

that ticket, Kenny,

00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:06,091

or else I'll kick you

in the nuts!

00:16:06,216 --> 00:16:08,009

The nuts...the nuts....

00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:17,978

The ticket!

00:16:18,103 --> 00:16:19,562

Kenny didn't have it on him

when he died!

00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:21,439

He put it away somewhere!

Don't you see?!

00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:23,733

I can still have

my candy shopping spree!

00:16:23,858 --> 00:16:25,402

Oh, my God!

You guys!

00:16:25,527 --> 00:16:27,362

You guys!

00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:30,198

Ladies and gentlemen

of the U.N.,

00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:32,575

we have evidence

that Saddam Hussein is up there

00:16:32,701 --> 00:16:34,911

building weapons

of mass destruction.

00:16:35,036 --> 00:16:37,747

We have tried to communicate

with Saddam through a psychic

00:16:37,872 --> 00:16:40,417

to ask him to let us see

his warehouses in heaven,

00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:43,378

but he has not responded.

00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:47,090

Of course he has not responded,

because he's dead!

00:16:47,215 --> 00:16:49,217

Right.

Dead and in heaven.

00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:50,218

This is preposterous!

00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,303

Even if there was a heaven,

what makes you think

00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:53,972

Saddam Hussein's soul

would be sent there?

00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:56,808

Our intelligence tells us when

Saddam was originally killed,

00:16:56,933 --> 00:16:58,768

his soul actually went to hell.

00:16:58,893 --> 00:17:01,479

But while in hell, he began

a homosexual relationship

00:17:01,604 --> 00:17:03,231

with Satan,

the prince of darkness.

00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:04,357

Satan, however, decided

00:17:04,482 --> 00:17:05,817

he didn't want to be

with Hussein anymore

00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:07,610

and broke up with him

around August.

00:17:07,736 --> 00:17:08,987

When Saddam became jealous

00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:11,322

and tried to kill

Satan's new lover, Chris,

00:17:11,448 --> 00:17:12,991

Satan had Saddam sent to heaven

00:17:13,116 --> 00:17:15,952

to live with Mormons

as a punishment.

00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:20,540

Questions?

00:17:22,167 --> 00:17:23,376

Yes?

00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:26,629

Are you high

or just incredibly stupid?

00:17:26,755 --> 00:17:30,341

I assure you I am not high.

00:17:33,678 --> 00:17:35,638

You guys! You guys!

I saw the ticket!

00:17:35,764 --> 00:17:36,806

What do you mean, fat-ass?

00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:38,349

I just had another vision,

you butt-holes.

00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:39,684

Kenny didn't keep

the ticket with him.

00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:40,977

He put it away somewhere!

00:17:41,102 --> 00:17:42,145

Where?!

- I don't know.

00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:44,230

I got conked in the head

down at the abortion clinic,

00:17:44,355 --> 00:17:45,815

and I clearly saw Kenny

putting the ticket

00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:47,067

in a little red box.

00:17:47,192 --> 00:17:48,735

I just have to wait

for another vision to come.

00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:50,987

I could clearly see

through Kenny's -- Ahh!

00:17:56,284 --> 00:17:57,827

You see anything?

00:17:57,952 --> 00:17:59,162

Yes, Kyle.

00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:00,288

I see a dead Jew!

00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:01,539

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Maybe Kyle's right.

00:18:01,664 --> 00:18:02,999

We got to spark the vision

somehow.

00:18:03,124 --> 00:18:04,667

Not by giving me brain damage!

00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:07,879

Do you want

a candy shopping spree or not?

00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:11,049

All right.

Go ahead.

00:18:12,467 --> 00:18:13,343

No.

00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:17,263

Randy, Gerald, we --

we were wrong about heaven!

00:18:17,388 --> 00:18:19,682

The Japanese just reached it

with their ladder!

00:18:19,808 --> 00:18:21,101

What?

00:18:21,226 --> 00:18:22,477

See for yourself.

00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:27,190

This is Nobunaga Hiroichi

reporting live from heaven.

00:18:27,315 --> 00:18:29,901

The great nation of Japan

reached heaven today

00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:32,028

about 8:00

Pacific Standard Time.

00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:33,738

Aah!

00:18:34,656 --> 00:18:36,533

Therefore,

heaven is now declared

00:18:36,658 --> 00:18:39,702

an official part of Japan

because we got here first.

00:18:39,828 --> 00:18:41,830

And now for the weather

in heaven,

00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:43,498

let's go to Natsako Sen.

00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:47,293

Today weather in heaven --

partly cloudy.

00:18:47,418 --> 00:18:49,963

That's the news from heaven.

00:18:52,257 --> 00:18:55,009

Dame! Dame da!

Bakayarou da!

00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:58,138

Oh, God. And we told our boys

they'd never reach heaven.

00:18:58,263 --> 00:18:59,347

Kids!

00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:03,560

Good.

00:19:03,685 --> 00:19:04,978

As soon as the boys finish

their ladder,

00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:06,855

we'll be ready

to take Saddam out.

00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:09,107

Do you really think

this is a good idea, Randy?

00:19:09,232 --> 00:19:12,235

If Saddam is building weapons,

we have to stop him --

00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:13,611

with our weapons.

00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:14,988

Uh, excuse me, everyone.

00:19:15,113 --> 00:19:16,656

We're not working

on the ladder anymore.

00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:18,074

Thank you.

We're done.

00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:20,702

Dude.

00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:22,036

Not working on the ladder?

00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:24,164

But the Japanese

won't let us use theirs.

00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:26,374

Kenny didn't have the ticket.

It was in his room.

00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,626

So we got all our candy,

and you can all go home.

00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:29,627

Wait.

00:19:29,752 --> 00:19:32,922

Are you saying you only wanted

to build a ladder to heaven

00:19:33,047 --> 00:19:35,383

so you could get some candy?

00:19:36,301 --> 00:19:37,886

I've never heard the words

"only" and "candy"

00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:39,095

in the same sentence before.

00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:40,555

But what about your lost friend?

00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,056

What about

your fragile innocence

00:19:42,182 --> 00:19:43,892

and believing

we could all get to heaven?

00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:45,310

Well, people make

us kids believe

00:19:45,435 --> 00:19:47,937

that heaven is this white place

with fluffy clouds and angels.

00:19:48,062 --> 00:19:50,732

But now we think maybe heaven

isn't a place you can get to.

00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:52,525

Maybe heaven is just an idea,

00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:54,944

a frame of mind, or --

or something gay like that.

00:19:55,069 --> 00:19:58,281

Maybe heaven is this moment

right now.

00:19:59,282 --> 00:20:02,327

So you're saying we should bomb

this moment right now?

00:20:02,452 --> 00:20:03,661

Right. Johnson!

- Sir!

00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:06,122

No. No.

We shouldn't bomb anybody.

00:20:06,247 --> 00:20:07,415

These boys are right.

00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:10,501

The only heaven we can hope for

is one here on earth -- now.

00:20:10,627 --> 00:20:12,921

We should stop waiting

to get into heaven

00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:14,881

and start trying to create it.

00:20:15,006 --> 00:20:16,424

Aw!

- Aw!

00:20:20,929 --> 00:20:22,347

And I was dumb enough to believe

00:20:22,472 --> 00:20:25,016

Saddam could actually be

up there building bombs.

00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:26,267

♪ Where were you ♪

00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:29,729

♪ When they decided heaven

was a more intangible idea ♪

00:20:29,854 --> 00:20:33,107

♪ And couldn't --

you couldn't really get there? ♪

00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:35,818

You little bastards ruined

my latest song!

00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:38,696

Well, I'm sure glad

this is all over with.

00:20:38,821 --> 00:20:39,906

Let's go count our candy.

00:20:40,031 --> 00:20:41,199

Yeah.

But what about Kenny?

00:20:41,324 --> 00:20:42,659

His soul is still

in Cartman's body.

00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:44,452

No, no.

I just drank his memories.

00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,621

I'm not sharing my body

with that poor piece of crap.

00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:49,207

Stop calling me poor,

you fat dick!

00:20:49,332 --> 00:20:50,667

Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:20:50,792 --> 00:20:52,502

Whoa. Kenny, you in there?

- Stop it!

00:20:52,627 --> 00:20:54,337

Where am I, you guys?

Oh, God!

00:20:54,462 --> 00:20:56,422

Dude, come back here!

- Stop him, Kenny!

00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:04,597

Keep those nitrogen capsules

over there by the warheads.

00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:06,599

Right. Chop-chop.

Come on!

00:21:06,724 --> 00:21:09,269

Saddam, I've been hearing rumors

00:21:09,394 --> 00:21:10,520

that you're secretly building

00:21:10,645 --> 00:21:12,689

weapons of mass destruction

up here.

00:21:12,814 --> 00:21:14,774

Weapons of mass destruction?!

00:21:14,899 --> 00:21:15,817

No!

00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:18,486

This is a chocolate-chip

factory. See?

00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:21,364

It looks like

a chemical-weapons plant.

00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:22,448

Look, God.

00:21:22,573 --> 00:21:24,826

If I was gonna secretly build

a chemical-weapons plant,

00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:27,704

I wouldn't make it look like a

chemical-weapons plant, would I?

00:21:27,829 --> 00:21:28,788

I'd make it look like

00:21:28,913 --> 00:21:31,958

a chocolate-chip factory

or something.

00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:33,459

All right. Just checking.

00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:37,714

Stupid asshole.

00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:13,889

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:15,683

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,808 --> 00:00:18,602

♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,688

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:20,813 --> 00:00:22,106

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

00:00:22,231 --> 00:00:25,401

♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,194

♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪

00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:28,571

♪ Timmy, Timmy,

liv-a-la, Timmy! ♪

00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:32,450

♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:36,120

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

00:00:36,245 --> 00:00:39,623

Oh! Hello, there, kids.

Welcome to Lolly's candy shop.

00:00:39,749 --> 00:00:41,459

We're the kids whose names

you called on your commercial.

00:00:41,584 --> 00:00:42,710

We're here to do

the shopping spree.

00:00:42,835 --> 00:00:44,045

Oh, that's great!

00:00:44,170 --> 00:00:46,005

You bet your fat clown ass

it is.

00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:48,924

Okay. Well, I'll just need

your ticket stub.

00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:50,968

Ticket stub?

00:00:51,093 --> 00:00:52,803

You know --

When you entered the contest,

00:00:52,928 --> 00:00:54,555

you got the other half

of this ticket.

00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:55,973

Oh, shit!

who has the ticket stub?

00:00:56,098 --> 00:00:57,308

It was such a long time ago!

00:00:57,433 --> 00:00:59,226

We don't really need

the ticket stub, do we?

00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:01,520

Don't need the ticket stub?

Are you high?

00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:03,314

How else do I know

you're the winners?

00:01:03,439 --> 00:01:05,316

Because our names were called

on the commercial last night.

00:01:05,441 --> 00:01:08,486

Sorry, boys. No ticket stub,

no candy shopping spree.

00:01:08,611 --> 00:01:10,362

If you find it,

you can come back.

00:01:10,488 --> 00:01:12,698

But you only have one week

to claim the prize.

00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:15,451

That's called a ticking clock.

Works great in the movies.

00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:17,536

[ Bell jingles ]

00:01:17,661 --> 00:01:19,914

[ Birds chirping ]

00:01:20,039 --> 00:01:21,415

God damn it!

00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:23,292

We've got to find that ticket.

- Which one of us took it?

00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:24,877

It was so long ago.

I-I can't remember.

00:01:25,002 --> 00:01:27,838

We've got to focus.

We've got to focus and remember.

00:01:28,881 --> 00:01:30,674

All right!

There you go.

00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:32,009

Hold on

to that ticket stub.

00:01:32,134 --> 00:01:33,844

You'll need it

to claim your prize.

00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:35,763

Sign up for the five-minute

shopping spree!

00:01:35,888 --> 00:01:37,848

You hold on to this, Cartman.

I might lose it.

00:01:37,973 --> 00:01:40,601

No. I'll lose it for sure.

You keep track of it, Kyle.

00:01:40,726 --> 00:01:42,394

Okay.

00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,355

N-No. I don't want

that much responsibility.

00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:46,190

Here.

You hold on to it, Kenny.

00:01:46,315 --> 00:01:47,817

Mrph rm.

00:01:50,236 --> 00:01:51,112

Kenny!

00:01:51,237 --> 00:01:52,530

Aah!

- Aah!

00:01:52,655 --> 00:01:54,198

[All panting ]

00:01:54,323 --> 00:01:56,075

[ Doorbell rings ]

00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,451

Yes?

00:01:57,576 --> 00:01:58,661

Where's Kenny?

00:01:59,995 --> 00:02:03,541

Uh, boys...

Kenny died last December.

00:02:03,666 --> 00:02:05,042

Don't you remember?

00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:07,503

We know he's dead.

We mean where is his body?

00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,839

His body?

But why?

00:02:09,964 --> 00:02:11,674

Because he has

the goddamn ticket for the --

00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:13,384

Look, we just really miss

our friend,

00:02:13,509 --> 00:02:16,095

and, uh, and we need to see

his remains for closure.

00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:18,389

Yeah. Closure.

- What the fuck is closure?

00:02:18,514 --> 00:02:20,224

Oh, all right, boys.

Come on in.

00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:23,352

We haven't seen you boys

for so long.

00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:25,771

W-We thought you'd forgotten

all about him.

00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:29,066

Here he is, boys.

Our dear little Kenny.

00:02:29,191 --> 00:02:32,695

- [ Down-tempo music plays ]

- You turned him into a teapot?

00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,572

No.

That's an urn, boys.

00:02:34,697 --> 00:02:35,823

Kenny's inside it.

00:02:35,948 --> 00:02:37,825

Your friends are here

to see you, Kenny.

00:02:37,950 --> 00:02:40,452

They miss you an awful lot,

like we all do.

00:02:40,578 --> 00:02:41,871

[ Sobs ]

00:02:41,996 --> 00:02:44,832

T-Thanks for coming by, boys.

It -- It means a lot to us.

00:02:44,957 --> 00:02:47,501

[ Sobbing ]

Oh, now, honey.

00:02:47,626 --> 00:02:49,086

[ Both sobbing ]

00:02:51,422 --> 00:02:54,842

[ Click, whirring ]

00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:57,636

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:03:04,935 --> 00:03:07,479

[ Imitates beeping ]

00:03:07,605 --> 00:03:08,564

Did you get it?

- Hold on.

00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:11,108

I'm checking for robot guards.

[ Imitates beeping ]

00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:12,818

There's not gonna be

any robot guards, retard.

00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:14,403

Just get Kenny.

00:03:16,113 --> 00:03:17,948

[ Grunts ]

You guys piss me off.

00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:21,493

[ Beeping ]

00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:24,205

All right!

We made it.

00:03:24,330 --> 00:03:26,040

Kenny better have the

ticket stub with him in there.

00:03:26,165 --> 00:03:27,666

Let him out, Cartman.

00:03:29,752 --> 00:03:31,921

Kenny?

00:03:32,046 --> 00:03:33,088

Kenny?

- Is he in there?

00:03:33,214 --> 00:03:34,340

I can't see.

00:03:34,465 --> 00:03:37,134

[All coughing ]

00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:39,470

What the hell is this,

chocolate-milk mix?

00:03:39,595 --> 00:03:41,222

I knew Kenny couldn't fit

in that teapot.

00:03:41,347 --> 00:03:42,264

It was a trick!

00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:44,558

God damn it! This isn't even

good chocolate-milk mix!

00:03:44,683 --> 00:03:46,477

Kenny's parents must be laughing

pretty hard about now.

00:03:46,602 --> 00:03:47,519

We were dumb enough to believe

00:03:47,645 --> 00:03:48,854

Kenny's body could be

in a teapot.

00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:50,606

Why would they play

such a cruel joke on us?

00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:51,690

Because they're poor, Kyle!

00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:53,067

Poor people don't have anything

better to do

00:03:53,192 --> 00:03:54,068

than piss other people off.

00:03:54,193 --> 00:03:56,278

Don't you watch "Springer"?

- We just have to face it.

00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:57,321

We're not gonna get Kenny back,

00:03:57,446 --> 00:03:58,113

and we're not gonna have

our shopping spree.

00:03:58,239 --> 00:03:59,740

It's over.

- God damn it!

00:03:59,865 --> 00:04:01,492

There has to be a way!

00:04:01,617 --> 00:04:02,868

Hmm.

00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,001

[ Slurps ]

00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:12,836

Hmm.

Not bad.

00:04:22,388 --> 00:04:24,723

[ Heart beating ]

00:04:26,392 --> 00:04:28,686

Hurry up, Kenny.

You're gonna be late for school!

00:04:28,811 --> 00:04:30,437

Aah!

00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:32,231

I don't think

that chocolate-milk mix

00:04:32,356 --> 00:04:33,482

agreed with my stomach.

00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:35,317

[ Farts, grunts ]

00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,027

Cartman, come on!

- What?! What?!

00:04:37,152 --> 00:04:39,071

Jesus, you butt-holes!

It's 6:00 in the morning!

00:04:39,196 --> 00:04:41,615

Kyle figured out a way to get

our ticket stub back from Kenny!

00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:42,658

How?

00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:43,826

A ladder to heaven.

00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:45,119

We build it, climb up,

00:04:45,244 --> 00:04:47,997

and get our winning ticket back

from that asshole Kenny.

00:04:52,751 --> 00:04:54,837

Hey, if you boys are building

a clubhouse,

00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:56,380

you should start with the floor.

00:04:56,505 --> 00:04:57,339

We're not building a clubhouse.

00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:58,549

We're building a ladder

to heaven.

00:04:58,674 --> 00:05:00,968

A ladder to heaven?

Why, son?

00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:02,636

Because we want to see Kenny

again.

00:05:02,761 --> 00:05:04,221

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:07,391

Oh.

Oh, that's so sweet.

00:05:07,516 --> 00:05:09,560

That's the s-saddest thing

I've ever heard.

00:05:09,685 --> 00:05:11,395

Hey, Randy,

can I borrow your, uh...

00:05:12,021 --> 00:05:13,605

What the hell are they doing?

00:05:13,731 --> 00:05:15,858

The boys want to see their

dead friend Kenny again, Jimbo,

00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:18,610

so they're...

building a ladder to heaven.

00:05:18,736 --> 00:05:19,903

Aw.

00:05:20,029 --> 00:05:21,989

Kyle, I think you've bothered

the Marshes enough.

00:05:22,114 --> 00:05:23,282

No.

It's all right, Sheila.

00:05:23,407 --> 00:05:24,700

The boys were just...

00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:27,411

building a ladder to heaven

to see their old friend Kenny.

00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:29,455

A ladder to -- Oh.

00:05:29,580 --> 00:05:30,497

Oh, gosh.

00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:32,374

Oh, that's so touching.

00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:35,210

[All sobbing ]

00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:39,590

Tom, I'm standing

in South Park, Colorado,

00:05:39,715 --> 00:05:40,716

where last December,

00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:43,802

8-year-old Kenny McCormick died

of a terminal illness.

00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:46,138

But now that little boy's

three closest friends

00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:47,765

miss their friend so much

00:05:47,890 --> 00:05:51,602

that they are building a ladder

to heaven in order to...

00:05:51,727 --> 00:05:54,938

a-a ladder to heaven in order

to try to see him again.

00:05:55,064 --> 00:05:57,274

It's so sad

and yet so beautiful, Tom.

00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:59,109

Here's what some people

had to say.

00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:00,944

Well, our son just said to us

00:06:01,070 --> 00:06:04,573

that he really needed to see his

little friend Kenny again and...

00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:07,451

...and that he thought

it would work if he...

00:06:07,576 --> 00:06:09,411

[ Voice breaking ]

...built a ladder to heaven.

00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:10,954

They just believe

in their little hearts

00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:11,955

that it will work.

00:06:12,081 --> 00:06:14,166

We can't tell them it won't.

We just can't!

00:06:14,291 --> 00:06:17,086

It shows how beautiful the

innocence of a child really is.

00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:19,004

[ Sobs ]

00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:20,589

[ Sobbing ]

00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,674

[ Sobbing ]

00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,802

A ladder to heaven?

That's fucking stupid.

00:06:24,927 --> 00:06:27,846

These boys symbolize

how we all feel about loss.

00:06:27,971 --> 00:06:29,932

Who are we to tell them

it's impossible?

00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,893

Tom, people from all over the...

Sorry.

00:06:33,018 --> 00:06:35,646

People from all over the country

are coming to see the ladder,

00:06:35,771 --> 00:06:38,190

feeling a connection

to its symbolism and beauty.

00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:40,609

Even country singer Alan Jackson

has shown up

00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:43,070

with a song he has written

about the ladder.

00:06:43,195 --> 00:06:45,155

Alan Jackson is, of course,

the man who wrote the song

00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:47,032

"Where Were You (When the World

Stopped Turning)"

00:06:47,157 --> 00:06:48,951

about the tragedies

on September 11th.

00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:52,162

And now he's here once again to

capitalize on people's emotions.

00:06:52,287 --> 00:06:53,664

Let's listen in.

00:06:53,789 --> 00:06:58,669

♪ Where were you when they

built the ladder to heaven? ♪

00:06:58,794 --> 00:07:01,630

♪ Did it make you feel

like cryin' ♪

00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:04,550

♪ Or did you think

it was kinda gay? ♪

00:07:04,675 --> 00:07:06,009

What a beautiful song.

00:07:06,135 --> 00:07:10,889

♪ Well, I, for one, believe

in the ladder to heaven ♪

00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:14,184

♪ Mm, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

00:07:14,309 --> 00:07:16,478

♪ 9/11 ♪

00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:18,814

[All sobbing ]

♪ I said 9/11 ♪

00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:22,192

♪ 9/11, 9/11 ♪

00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:26,196

♪ 9, 9, 9 ♪

00:07:26,321 --> 00:07:28,490

♪ 11 ♪

00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:31,493

[ Crowd sobbing ]

00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,078

Thank you!

I have a new CD out

00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:35,706

with all my 9/11 songs for sale

right here.

00:07:35,831 --> 00:07:38,750

[ Crowd shouting ]

00:07:40,419 --> 00:07:43,464

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:07:43,589 --> 00:07:44,923

[ Grunting ]

00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:46,717

Oh, good! Cartman's back

from the junkyard.

00:07:46,842 --> 00:07:48,886

I found this car seat

in Mr. Garrison's car.

00:07:49,011 --> 00:07:50,721

Mr. Garrison threw away his car?

00:07:50,846 --> 00:07:51,972

No.

00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:52,973

[ Grunts ]

00:07:53,098 --> 00:07:54,391

[ Moans ]

00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:57,728

[ Echoing ] Hurry up, Kenny.

You're gonna be late for school!

00:07:57,853 --> 00:08:02,608

Kenny, do you by chance know

what happened to my Playboys?

00:08:02,733 --> 00:08:04,526

Kenny, answer me!

00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:06,195

Cartman? Cartman!

00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:07,196

W-What? What?

00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:08,780

Dude, what the hell

is wrong with you?

00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:09,740

I don't know.

00:08:09,865 --> 00:08:12,242

It's like my brain just keeps...

jacking off.

00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:14,077

Maybe you've got brain cancer.

- You think?!

00:08:14,203 --> 00:08:15,454

Don't get cancer on the ladder,

Cartman.

00:08:15,579 --> 00:08:16,872

You're gonna fall off

and break it.

00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:20,000

[ Theme music plays ]

00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:23,253

The nation is rallying behind

three sweet boys in Colorado

00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:24,713

who are building

a ladder to heaven

00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,340

to be with their dead friend.

00:08:26,465 --> 00:08:29,426

It's making Americans start

to believe in heaven again.

00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:31,845

When I see how this ladder

has brought people together,

00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:33,722

how -- how it has changed

America,

00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,307

I mean, how can I not believe?

00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:37,643

Do you actually believe

in the ladder to heaven?

00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:41,605

If heaven is an 8-year-old boy

and the ladder is my penis.

00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:43,357

And the pearly gates are the --

00:08:43,482 --> 00:08:46,401

Pshhhht!

00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:48,654

Uh, meanwhile,

the American economy cont--

00:08:48,779 --> 00:08:50,697

Wait. Wait.

Wait a minute.

00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:51,949

We are getting reports now

00:08:52,074 --> 00:08:54,409

that Japan is building

their own ladder to heaven

00:08:54,535 --> 00:08:56,078

to compete with the U.S.'s.

00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:59,081

Let's go live to SNN

correspondent Nobu Hirosahsubua.

00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:03,460

This is Nobunaga Hiroichi

reporting live from Tokyo,

00:09:03,585 --> 00:09:07,339

where Japan has started building

its own ladder to heaven.

00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:10,759

Already the Japanese ladder

extend far into space

00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:14,054

and is growing by 1,000 miles

every day.

00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:16,765

As the endeavor continues,

it is becoming clear

00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:20,519

that Japan will reach heaven

before the United States.

00:09:20,644 --> 00:09:22,229

Pbht!

00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:24,773

[ Chanting ]

♪ Fah-hu-ra-ha ♪

00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:27,526

♪ Fah-hu-ra-ha ♪

- Uh, excuse me.

00:09:27,651 --> 00:09:29,695

♪ Fah-hu-ra-ha ♪

- Excuse me!

00:09:29,820 --> 00:09:32,698

♪ Fah-hu-ra-ha ♪

- Uh, we ran out of stuff.

00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:36,952

We ran out of stuff

to build the ladder with.

00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,161

Oh, no.

00:09:38,287 --> 00:09:39,663

Oh, Jesus, no.

00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:42,165

♪ Where were you

when they ran out of stuff ♪

00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:45,043

♪ To build the ladder

to heaven? ♪

00:09:45,168 --> 00:09:47,004

We can keep going, but we need

to start tearing down houses

00:09:47,129 --> 00:09:48,505

for wood.

- No!

00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:51,008

Uh, look, I think maybe

this has gone far enough.

00:09:51,133 --> 00:09:52,009

Yeah.

00:09:52,134 --> 00:09:54,011

I-It's time we told the boys

the truth --

00:09:54,136 --> 00:09:55,971

that they aren't really

going to get to heaven.

00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,806

Wait!

Look!

00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:00,642

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:03,020

We've come to help you beat

those Japs, boys.

00:10:03,145 --> 00:10:04,396

There won't be anyone stopping

00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,481

this great ladder

from being built today!

00:10:06,607 --> 00:10:09,359

[All cheering ]

00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:11,486

Alpha team,

get that support structure up!

00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:13,822

Surveillance team,

get us photos and recon!

00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,157

[All ]

Yes, sir!

00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:16,283

♪ Where were you ♪

00:10:16,408 --> 00:10:19,953

♪ When they saved

that ladder to heaven? ♪

00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:21,079

Man, I can't believe how much

00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:22,623

people want us

to get our ticket back.

00:10:22,748 --> 00:10:25,459

Candy shopping sprees have

that effect on people, Kyle.

00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:30,714

[ Hammer pounding ]

00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:33,508

[ Creaking ]

00:10:35,052 --> 00:10:36,261

You see anything?

00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:37,429

No.

00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:40,474

Hello?

Kenny?

00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:43,435

God?

00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:44,645

Grandma?

00:10:44,770 --> 00:10:47,064

[ Grunting ]

00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:49,816

Oh, don't tell me we haven't

even reached the cloud city yet.

00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:51,193

No cloud city.

Not even the giant.

00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:52,819

Heaven must still be

a long way off.

00:10:52,944 --> 00:10:54,780

All right. Look. I didn't

want to have to say this.

00:10:54,905 --> 00:10:56,573

But I think maybe

we're not seeing heaven

00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:58,742

because one of us

doesn't believe in it enough.

00:10:58,867 --> 00:10:59,451

Huh?

00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:01,828

Heaven could be like the pixie

fairies of Bubble Yum forest.

00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:03,872

You only see them

if you really believe in them.

00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:04,873

What?

- You know.

00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:08,835

Maybe we're not seeing heaven

because one of us is a J-O-O.

00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:12,047

What does me being a Jew

have to do with anything?!

00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,590

Because Jews don't believe

in heaven!

00:11:13,715 --> 00:11:15,550

Yes, we do!

Just not the Christian heaven!

00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:16,176

Right!

00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:18,595

Your idea of heaven is getting

$5 off your matzo ball soup

00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,514

at Barney's Beanery

by lying about a hair in it.

00:11:20,639 --> 00:11:21,431

Aah!

00:11:21,556 --> 00:11:22,641

[ Grunts ]

00:11:24,393 --> 00:11:25,602

Hey, Kenny.

- Hey, Kenny.

00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:27,062

Mrph rmhmhm rm.

00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,980

♪ In the ghetto,

in the ghetto ♪

00:11:29,106 --> 00:11:30,774

♪ He's a boy wearing orange

who's losing his pride ♪

00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:32,275

♪ 'Cause Kenny

and his whole family reside ♪

00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:34,444

♪ In the ghetto,

in the ghetto ♪

00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:36,071

Mrph rmhmhm rm mrph rm!

00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,072

What did you say?!

00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:38,949

Mrph mrph rm

rmhmhm rm mrph rm!

00:11:39,074 --> 00:11:40,242

What did you say?!

00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:43,328

I said, "Shut up, Cartman,

you blood-belching vagina!"

00:11:45,414 --> 00:11:47,624

Did I just call myself

a blood-belching vagina?

00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:49,209

Dude, what the hell

is wrong with you?

00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:50,252

I don't know.

I just --

00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:51,920

I keep feeling like I'm Kenny,

00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:53,922

seeing memories

through his eyes.

00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:55,757

You're too fat to be Kenny.

00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:58,802

You're a...stupid Jew.

- Let's just keep building.

00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:00,887

We only have five more days

until the shopping spree.

00:12:01,012 --> 00:12:02,764

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:04,349

All right.

How's the ladder going, General?

00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:05,642

Are we beating the Japanese?

00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:08,395

Not quite. But we have

a new problem, Mr. President.

00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:11,231

Our recon team on the ladder

just found new evidence

00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:13,734

of threats from Saddam Hussein.

00:12:13,859 --> 00:12:16,570

Saddam Hussein?

But...we killed him!

00:12:16,695 --> 00:12:18,321

We secretly took him out

months ago.

00:12:18,447 --> 00:12:21,116

Yes, sir, and now we believe

that he's building weapons

00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:24,453

of mass destruction...in heaven.

00:12:24,578 --> 00:12:27,080

Dear Christ. That son of a bitch

just doesn't stop.

00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:29,374

These surveillance photos

were taken atop the ladder

00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:31,126

of what appears to be heaven.

00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,754

Here we see what we believe

to be a missile silo.

00:12:33,879 --> 00:12:36,590

And here we see what looks like

a laboratory of some sort

00:12:36,715 --> 00:12:38,133

for making chemical weapons.

00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,802

That kind of looks like

a sea gull.

00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:43,972

Yes. It could be a laboratory

disguised as a sea gull.

00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:45,557

That tricky bastard.

00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:46,850

Sir, you must understand

our fears.

00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:48,477

We must take out

those facilities.

00:12:48,602 --> 00:12:51,730

We must...bomb heaven.

00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:53,648

SNN question of the day --

00:12:53,774 --> 00:12:56,151

Now that Americans believe

in heaven, should we bomb it?

00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,612

The polls right now show

that 51% of Americans

00:12:58,737 --> 00:12:59,946

think Saddam has to be

dealt with,

00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:02,407

while 49% are wimpy,

tree-hugging pussies.

00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:04,159

War is not my voice.

00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:07,579

This country's run by rednecks

and bumpkins with their guns!

00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:10,665

We have to take Saddam out

to protect ourselves.

00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:11,792

I, for one, believe

00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:13,794

that if Saddam Hussein

were an 8-year-old boy

00:13:13,919 --> 00:13:17,422

and my penis were the United

States, then there would...

00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:18,632

Hard nipples!

00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:20,258

God damn it.

00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:21,927

Pshhhht!

00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:25,722

Tom, it's been five days

since three sweet boys

00:13:25,847 --> 00:13:27,432

set out to build a ladder

to heaven

00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:29,392

and captured

the nation's hearts.

00:13:29,518 --> 00:13:32,354

They've made a nation believe

heaven might be up there --

00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:35,190

and it could prove to be

a threat to our country.

00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:38,443

President Bush will seek U.N.

approval for military action.

00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:41,446

Boys, it's really neat

00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:45,200

that you want to see your

old pal Kenny so much, but...

00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,702

But it's time for you

to get back to school

00:13:47,828 --> 00:13:48,912

and on with your lives.

00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:50,163

No.

We have to see Kenny.

00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:51,540

You have to understand

00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:53,542

that Kenny's body

isn't up in the clouds.

00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:55,043

He was cremated.

00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:56,127

Cremated?

What's that?

00:13:56,253 --> 00:13:58,839

When you die, your body is put

into a broiling oven

00:13:58,964 --> 00:14:01,007

and cooked

until you're nothing but ashes.

00:14:02,217 --> 00:14:03,552

What?!

For God's sakes, why?!

00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:06,346

It's just what some people do.

- Are you gonna burn me?

00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:08,014

Kyle, that's not the issue

right now.

00:14:08,139 --> 00:14:09,182

Jesus Christ!

00:14:09,307 --> 00:14:11,268

A person's ashes

are put into an urn,

00:14:11,393 --> 00:14:13,103

and that's where

Kenny's body is.

00:14:13,228 --> 00:14:15,897

You see, boys, Kenny is in here.

00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:18,608

What the...

00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:22,112

W-Wait a minute!

This is kitty litter!

00:14:22,237 --> 00:14:23,363

All right. All right.

00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:24,865

I drank the chocolate-milk mix

00:14:24,990 --> 00:14:26,825

and replaced it

with kitty litter.

00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:27,826

You what?!

00:14:27,951 --> 00:14:29,494

Dude, don't you know

what this means?

00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:31,413

You drank Kenny!

00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:32,497

Shut up.

00:14:32,622 --> 00:14:35,166

You did, dude.

You drank his whole body!

00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:36,543

Shut up.

00:14:36,668 --> 00:14:39,462

[ Sobbing ]

Oh, my God! This is awful!

00:14:39,588 --> 00:14:41,381

And disgusting.

00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,426

Bad, Eric. Bad.

00:14:45,427 --> 00:14:46,303

That explains it --

00:14:46,428 --> 00:14:48,221

why I'm having Kenny's memories

all the time.

00:14:48,346 --> 00:14:49,890

His soul is inside me!

00:14:50,015 --> 00:14:51,224

So much for our winning ticket.

00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:53,018

Cartman probably drank that

with the rest of Kenny.

00:14:53,143 --> 00:14:54,477

Yeah.

Good job, fat-ass.

00:14:54,603 --> 00:14:55,979

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:57,272

I can't live like this.

00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:58,565

I-I have to find a place

00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:01,109

where they remove living souls

from your body.

00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:05,989

Looks like I've come

to the right place.

00:15:06,114 --> 00:15:07,866

Can I help you?

- Yes. Hello.

00:15:07,991 --> 00:15:09,659

I have a living thing

inside of me

00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:11,161

that I need sucked out, please.

00:15:11,286 --> 00:15:12,829

You'll have to make

an appointment.

00:15:12,954 --> 00:15:14,706

The charge is $230.

00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:15,832

$230?!

00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:17,417

I just want you to vacuum him

out of me,

00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:19,044

not put him up in a condominium!

00:15:19,169 --> 00:15:21,171

[ Sobs ]

It's gonna be okay, babe.

00:15:21,296 --> 00:15:23,256

Listen, lady! You got to get

this crap out of me!

00:15:23,381 --> 00:15:24,257

I don't want him in me anymore!

00:15:24,382 --> 00:15:26,468

Just suck him up

and throw him out!

00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,762

Oh, Steven,

I can't go through with this.

00:15:28,887 --> 00:15:30,931

I have to keep it!

[ Sobs ]

00:15:31,056 --> 00:15:33,224

Damn it!

Damn it!

00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:36,061

Thanks a lot, kid!

00:15:36,186 --> 00:15:37,354

[ Grunts ]

00:15:39,356 --> 00:15:41,399

[ Echoing ]

Kenny...Kenny...Kenny...

00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:44,069

Kenny, Lolly's Candy Land is

giving away a shopping spree!

00:15:44,194 --> 00:15:46,154

We're all gonna pitch in

on an entry...entry...

00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:47,572

All right!

There you go.

00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:49,908

Hold on to that ticket stub...

ticket stub...ticket stub...

00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:52,243

Hold on to this, Cartman.

I might lose it...lose it...

00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:53,578

No.

I'll lose it for sure.

00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:55,830

You keep track of it, Kyle...

of it, Kyle...of it, Kyle.

00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:56,873

Okay. No.

00:15:56,998 --> 00:15:58,750

I don't want that much

responsibility...sibility...

00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:00,293

Here. You hold on to it,

Kenny...Kenny...

00:16:00,418 --> 00:16:01,836

Mrph rm! Mrph rm...mrph rm...

00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:04,422

You better not lose

that ticket, Kenny,

00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:06,091

or else I'll kick you

in the nuts!

00:16:06,216 --> 00:16:08,009

The nuts...the nuts....

00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:17,978

The ticket!

00:16:18,103 --> 00:16:19,562

Kenny didn't have it on him

when he died!

00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:21,439

He put it away somewhere!

Don't you see?!

00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:23,733

I can still have

my candy shopping spree!

00:16:23,858 --> 00:16:25,402

Oh, my God!

You guys!

00:16:25,527 --> 00:16:27,362

You guys!

00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:30,198

Ladies and gentlemen

of the U.N.,

00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:32,575

we have evidence

that Saddam Hussein is up there

00:16:32,701 --> 00:16:34,911

building weapons

of mass destruction.

00:16:35,036 --> 00:16:37,747

We have tried to communicate

with Saddam through a psychic

00:16:37,872 --> 00:16:40,417

to ask him to let us see

his warehouses in heaven,

00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:43,378

but he has not responded.

00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:47,090

Of course he has not responded,

because he's dead!

00:16:47,215 --> 00:16:49,217

Right.

Dead and in heaven.

00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:50,218

This is preposterous!

00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,303

Even if there was a heaven,

what makes you think

00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:53,972

Saddam Hussein's soul

would be sent there?

00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:56,808

Our intelligence tells us when

Saddam was originally killed,

00:16:56,933 --> 00:16:58,768

his soul actually went to hell.

00:16:58,893 --> 00:17:01,479

But while in hell, he began

a homosexual relationship

00:17:01,604 --> 00:17:03,231

with Satan,

the prince of darkness.

00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:04,357

Satan, however, decided

00:17:04,482 --> 00:17:05,817

he didn't want to be

with Hussein anymore

00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:07,610

and broke up with him

around August.

00:17:07,736 --> 00:17:08,987

When Saddam became jealous

00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:11,322

and tried to kill

Satan's new lover, Chris,

00:17:11,448 --> 00:17:12,991

Satan had Saddam sent to heaven

00:17:13,116 --> 00:17:15,952

to live with Mormons

as a punishment.

00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:20,540

Questions?

00:17:22,167 --> 00:17:23,376

Yes?

00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:26,629

Are you high

or just incredibly stupid?

00:17:26,755 --> 00:17:30,341

I assure you I am not high.

00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:33,553

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:17:33,678 --> 00:17:35,638

You guys! You guys!

I saw the ticket!

00:17:35,764 --> 00:17:36,806

What do you mean, fat-ass?

00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:38,349

I just had another vision,

you butt-holes.

00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:39,684

Kenny didn't keep

the ticket with him.

00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:40,977

He put it away somewhere!

00:17:41,102 --> 00:17:42,145

Where?!

- I don't know.

00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:44,230

I got conked in the head

down at the abortion clinic,

00:17:44,355 --> 00:17:45,815

and I clearly saw Kenny

putting the ticket

00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:47,067

in a little red box.

00:17:47,192 --> 00:17:48,735

I just have to wait

for another vision to come.

00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:50,987

I could clearly see

through Kenny's -- Ahh!

00:17:51,112 --> 00:17:54,491

[ Hammer pounding, indistinct

conversations in distance ]

00:17:56,284 --> 00:17:57,827

You see anything?

00:17:57,952 --> 00:17:59,162

Yes, Kyle.

00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:00,288

I see a dead Jew!

00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:01,539

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Maybe Kyle's right.

00:18:01,664 --> 00:18:02,999

We got to spark the vision

somehow.

00:18:03,124 --> 00:18:04,667

Not by giving me brain damage!

00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:07,879

Do you want

a candy shopping spree or not?

00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:11,049

All right.

Go ahead.

00:18:11,174 --> 00:18:12,342

[ Grunts ]

00:18:12,467 --> 00:18:13,343

No.

00:18:13,468 --> 00:18:14,469

[ Grunts ]

00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:17,263

Randy, Gerald, we --

we were wrong about heaven!

00:18:17,388 --> 00:18:19,682

The Japanese just reached it

with their ladder!

00:18:19,808 --> 00:18:21,101

What?

00:18:21,226 --> 00:18:22,477

See for yourself.

00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:27,190

This is Nobunaga Hiroichi

reporting live from heaven.

00:18:27,315 --> 00:18:29,901

The great nation of Japan

reached heaven today

00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:32,028

about 8:00

Pacific Standard Time.

00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:33,738

- Aah!

- [ Thud ]

00:18:34,656 --> 00:18:36,533

Therefore,

heaven is now declared

00:18:36,658 --> 00:18:39,702

an official part of Japan

because we got here first.

00:18:39,828 --> 00:18:41,830

And now for the weather

in heaven,

00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:43,498

let's go to Natsako Sen.

00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:47,293

Today weather in heaven --

partly cloudy.

00:18:47,418 --> 00:18:49,963

That's the news from heaven.

00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:52,132

[ Thud, clattering ]

00:18:52,257 --> 00:18:55,009

Dame! Dame da!

Bakayarou da!

00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:58,138

Oh, God. And we told our boys

they'd never reach heaven.

00:18:58,263 --> 00:18:59,347

Kids!

00:19:00,682 --> 00:19:02,517

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:03,560

Good.

00:19:03,685 --> 00:19:04,978

As soon as the boys finish

their ladder,

00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:06,855

we'll be ready

to take Saddam out.

00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:09,107

Do you really think

this is a good idea, Randy?

00:19:09,232 --> 00:19:12,235

If Saddam is building weapons,

we have to stop him --

00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:13,611

with our weapons.

00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:14,988

Uh, excuse me, everyone.

00:19:15,113 --> 00:19:16,656

We're not working

on the ladder anymore.

00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:18,074

Thank you.

We're done.

00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:20,702

Dude.

00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:22,036

Not working on the ladder?

00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:24,164

But the Japanese

won't let us use theirs.

00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:26,374

Kenny didn't have the ticket.

It was in his room.

00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,626

So we got all our candy,

and you can all go home.

00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:29,627

Wait.

00:19:29,752 --> 00:19:32,922

Are you saying you only wanted

to build a ladder to heaven

00:19:33,047 --> 00:19:35,383

so you could get some candy?

00:19:36,301 --> 00:19:37,886

I've never heard the words

"only" and "candy"

00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:39,095

in the same sentence before.

00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:40,555

But what about your lost friend?

00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,056

What about

your fragile innocence

00:19:42,182 --> 00:19:43,892

and believing

we could all get to heaven?

00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:45,310

Well, people make

us kids believe

00:19:45,435 --> 00:19:47,937

that heaven is this white place

with fluffy clouds and angels.

00:19:48,062 --> 00:19:50,732

But now we think maybe heaven

isn't a place you can get to.

00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:52,525

Maybe heaven is just an idea,

00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:54,944

a frame of mind, or --

or something gay like that.

00:19:55,069 --> 00:19:58,281

Maybe heaven is this moment

right now.

00:19:59,282 --> 00:20:02,327

So you're saying we should bomb

this moment right now?

00:20:02,452 --> 00:20:03,661

Right. Johnson!

- Sir!

00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:06,122

No. No.

We shouldn't bomb anybody.

00:20:06,247 --> 00:20:07,415

These boys are right.

00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:10,501

The only heaven we can hope for

is one here on earth -- now.

00:20:10,627 --> 00:20:12,921

We should stop waiting

to get into heaven

00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:14,881

and start trying to create it.

00:20:15,006 --> 00:20:16,424

Aw!

- Aw!

00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,259

[ Crowd murmuring ]

00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:20,803

[All sobbing ]

00:20:20,929 --> 00:20:22,347

And I was dumb enough to believe

00:20:22,472 --> 00:20:25,016

Saddam could actually be

up there building bombs.

00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:26,267

♪ Where were you ♪

00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:29,729

♪ When they decided heaven

was a more intangible idea ♪

00:20:29,854 --> 00:20:33,107

♪ And couldn't --

you couldn't really get there? ♪

00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:35,818

You little bastards ruined

my latest song!

00:20:35,944 --> 00:20:36,986

[ Off-key chord plays ]

00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:38,696

Well, I'm sure glad

this is all over with.

00:20:38,821 --> 00:20:39,906

Let's go count our candy.

00:20:40,031 --> 00:20:41,199

Yeah.

But what about Kenny?

00:20:41,324 --> 00:20:42,659

His soul is still

in Cartman's body.

00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:44,452

No, no.

I just drank his memories.

00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,621

I'm not sharing my body

with that poor piece of crap.

00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:49,207

Stop calling me poor,

you fat dick!

00:20:49,332 --> 00:20:50,667

Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:20:50,792 --> 00:20:52,502

Whoa. Kenny, you in there?

- Stop it!

00:20:52,627 --> 00:20:54,337

Where am I, you guys?

Oh, God!

00:20:54,462 --> 00:20:56,422

Dude, come back here!

- Stop him, Kenny!

00:20:56,547 --> 00:20:59,634

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:01,928

[ Machinery whirring ]

00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:04,597

Keep those nitrogen capsules

over there by the warheads.

00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:06,599

Right. Chop-chop.

Come on!

00:21:06,724 --> 00:21:09,269

[ God ]

Saddam, I've been hearing rumors

00:21:09,394 --> 00:21:10,520

that you're secretly building

00:21:10,645 --> 00:21:12,689

weapons of mass destruction

up here.

00:21:12,814 --> 00:21:14,774

Weapons of mass destruction?!

00:21:14,899 --> 00:21:15,817

No!

00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:18,486

This is a chocolate-chip

factory. See?

00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:21,364

[ God ] It looks like

a chemical-weapons plant.

00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:22,448

Look, God.

00:21:22,573 --> 00:21:24,826

If I was gonna secretly build

a chemical-weapons plant,

00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:27,704

I wouldn't make it look like a

chemical-weapons plant, would I?

00:21:27,829 --> 00:21:28,788

I'd make it look like

00:21:28,913 --> 00:21:31,958

a chocolate-chip factory

or something.

00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:33,459

[ God ]

All right. Just checking.

00:21:33,584 --> 00:21:35,295

[ Whirring ]

00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:37,714

Stupid asshole.