Даёшь шляпу

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♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

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♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

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♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

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♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

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♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

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♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

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♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪

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♪ Timmy, Timmy,

liv-a-la, Timmy! ♪

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♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

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Oh, cool.

A preview!

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Coming this summer,

it's the classic film

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that changed America --

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"E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, "

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the new redone version

for 2002!

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All the E.T. effects

have been digitally upgraded.

00:00:49,175 --> 00:00:50,426

All the guns have been

digitally changed

00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:51,886

to walkie-talkies.

00:00:52,011 --> 00:00:53,012

And the word "terrorist"

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has been changed to "hippie."

00:00:54,889 --> 00:00:56,348

Aw, dude,

why would they do that?

00:00:56,474 --> 00:00:58,142

Yeah, hippies and terrorists

are the same thing.

00:00:58,267 --> 00:01:00,019

No, dude, Spielberg

changed "terrorist" to "hippie"

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to make "E.T." more P.C.

- That's gay.

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Coming this summer,

00:01:04,190 --> 00:01:07,359

it's the motion picture

that changed America --

00:01:07,485 --> 00:01:09,820

"Saving Private Ryan, "

the re-re-release,

00:01:09,945 --> 00:01:11,405

where the word "Nazi"

has been changed

00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:13,282

to "persons

with political differences"

00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:15,493

and all the guns have been

replaced by walkie-talkies.

00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:18,454

Oh, my God!

00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:26,045

Why the hell do these directors

keep updating their movies?

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And now

for your feature presentation,

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the classic re-re-re-release

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of "Star Wars:

The Empire Strikes Back."

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Whoo-hoo!

00:01:41,102 --> 00:01:43,687

Aaahhh!

00:01:43,813 --> 00:01:45,481

God damn it, that pisses me off!

00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:46,982

Yeah, we want our money back!

00:01:47,108 --> 00:01:49,860

Sorry, suckers.

- You asshole!

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Why don't they leave

those movies alone?

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We liked them the way they were.

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Don't you see what this means?

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All our favorite movies are

going to be changed and updated

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until we can't even

recognize them anymore!

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Tweek is right. It isn't fair

for those asshole directors

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to keep changing their movies

and making them different.

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Movies are art, and art

shouldn't be modified.

00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,460

Yeah, what if they had modified

the Roman Colosseum every year?

00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:08,295

It would just be another

big douchey stadium now.

00:02:08,420 --> 00:02:09,964

We have to do something.

Let's form a club.

00:02:10,089 --> 00:02:11,257

Yeah, we could form a club

00:02:11,382 --> 00:02:12,925

that takes food stamps

from poor people

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and then sells them back

to the government for a profit.

00:02:14,844 --> 00:02:16,595

No, fat ass!

I mean a club to protect films

00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:18,472

from their directors

so they can't be messed with.

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Yeah, we'll be the "Save Films

from Their Own Directors" club.

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Yeah!

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No! No, no!

I don't want to form a club!

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That's too much pressure!

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Look, I'm supposed

to take it easy.

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Just watch the clouds,

sit in the grass.

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If we form a club,

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there'll be responsibilities,

commitments!

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Tweek, now, God damn it.

We picked you to be

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our new friend to replace Kenny

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because we thought

you were a team player.

00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:35,656

I'm not!

I'm not a team player!

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Now, either you stop

with these faggotronics,

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or we'll find someone

to replace you.

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Oh!

Oh, Jesus!

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Dude, that sign sucks.

Nobody's gonna show up.

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What's wrong with it?

- Look at it, dude.

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You're not offering

any fabulous prizes.

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You have to offer fabulous

prizes if you want people

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to show up for your stupid crap.

Here.

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Free hat?

- Yeah, if you offer free hats,

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maybe people will show up.

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But we don't have hats!

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We can just make them

out of paper.

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Aah!

- It's not hard.

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Just stupid little paper hats.

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People just need free stuff.

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Don't you guys know anything?

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You see? First, we were

just forming a club.

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Now we have to make hats!

Where does it end?!

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All right, let's go get

the gymnasium ready.

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Tweek, you go make 50 hats.

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50 hats?

Oh, Jesus!

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Aah! I'll never make it!

I'll never make it!

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Tweek!

- Aah!

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Calm down, son.

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Remember what Dr. Norris

told you --

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Find your center.

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My center?

My...center.

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Calm.

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Puppies.

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Tweek! Tweek!

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Twee-e-e-k!!

- Aah!

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How many hats have you made?

- Oh, God!

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We only have until 10:00 a.m.

tomorrow. Get the lead out.

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Aaah! Oh, God!

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You guys, we have a big problem!

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What?

- I was up all night making hats.

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I only slept for an hour and

then I dreamt about making hats!

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But I only made 15!

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Calm down, Tweek.

15 might be enough.

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Yeah, let's see

if anyone's even shown up yet.

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Dude, there's like

a thousand people in there.

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A thousand?

Oh, Jesus, man!

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I don't have nearly

a thousand hats!

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They're gonna kick

your ass, Tweek.

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Aah!

- Tweek, it's okay!

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Look, maybe these people

all turned out

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because they believe

in saving films.

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Maybe they don't even care

about the free hat.

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Free Hat! Free Hat! Free Hat!

00:04:20,094 --> 00:04:21,637

Oh, God!

- I told you guys.

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Never underestimate

the power of a free hat.

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I got to move away, you guys!

- Relax, Tweek.

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We're just gonna have to go in

there and explain what happened.

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There are more important things

right now than free hats.

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Okay, uh, we want to thank

you all for coming.

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We're really happy to see

such enthusiasm for our cause.

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One thing before I continue --

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Unfortunately,

we don't have enough

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of the free hats for everyone.

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E-Excuse me?

00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:52,042

Yes, we apologize,

but our friend Tweek here

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didn't make enough of them.

- Oh, Jesus!

00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:54,878

Don't tell them it was me!

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We don't care about that.

- You don't?

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You mean you just came because

you believe in our cause?

00:04:59,008 --> 00:05:01,176

Yeah, free Hat!

- What?!

00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:04,013

Hat McCullough!

He was sent to prison in '82,

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and we believe

he should be released!

00:05:05,556 --> 00:05:06,890

Yeah!

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Free Hat! Free Hat!

00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:11,562

Free Hat! Free Hat!

Free Hat! Free Hat!

00:05:11,687 --> 00:05:14,398

Okay, apparently, there's been

a bit of a misunderstanding.

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This is a rally to save films

from their directors.

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To do what?

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We believe that films are pieces

of art that must be preserved

00:05:22,865 --> 00:05:24,742

from the perverse hands

of their aging filmmakers.

00:05:24,867 --> 00:05:26,618

Oh...sorry.

00:05:26,744 --> 00:05:28,871

Come on, everyone.

Guess we're in the wrong place.

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Free Hat! Free Hat!

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Wait, wait, wait, wait!

00:05:32,541 --> 00:05:34,251

Don't you see

what's happening out there?

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The films that you all grew up

with, that touched your lives

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and are a part of your soul, are

now being updated and changed.

00:05:39,256 --> 00:05:41,925

Join us, and we can be a group

that makes a difference!

00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:45,763

Can we also work towards

freeing Hat?

00:05:46,722 --> 00:05:48,557

Uh, sure, and we'll

also try to free Hat.

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Free Hat!

00:05:50,976 --> 00:05:52,478

Free Hat! Free Hat!

00:05:54,313 --> 00:05:57,649

212...213...214 members!

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You guys, you guys!

00:05:59,068 --> 00:06:00,652

Oh, God!

I've got terrible news!

00:06:00,778 --> 00:06:02,154

What?

- Ted Koppel wants us

00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:04,073

to appear on "Nightline"

to talk about our cause!

00:06:04,198 --> 00:06:05,657

Really? That's great!

- Yeah.

00:06:05,783 --> 00:06:07,951

No, it isn't, man!

That is way too much pressure!

00:06:08,077 --> 00:06:09,453

If we go on "Nightline,"

the whole country can hear

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about what's happening

to our classic films.

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But just remember

that I do all the talking.

00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:14,333

You? Why?

00:06:14,458 --> 00:06:15,876

Because I'm

the official spokesman.

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I got dibs on it.

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When did we do dibs for it?

00:06:18,295 --> 00:06:19,505

Just now.

One, two, three -- dibs!

00:06:19,630 --> 00:06:21,048

Knee.

- Aah!

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All right, fine.

You're the spokesman, Cartman.

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But you better not screw it up!

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What could possibly go wrong?

00:06:26,762 --> 00:06:29,056

A new movement

is sweeping the country,

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led by four determined boys

from South Park, Colorado.

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The organization was created

to protect Hollywood's

00:06:34,645 --> 00:06:37,022

classic films from the hands

of their directors

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and also to free Hat McCullough.

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So, boys, I'll ask you

the question

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that's on everyone's minds --

Why does your organization

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want to free Hat McCullough,

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the convicted, confessed

serial murderer of 23 babies?

00:06:50,661 --> 00:06:51,954

I believe

that can best be answered

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by our official spokesman,

Tweek.

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Aah!

- Well, Hat McCullough

00:06:55,833 --> 00:06:56,917

admitted he killed

those toddlers.

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Why do you want him free?

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Oh, Jesus, man!

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Just answer me this, Tweek --

00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:05,676

What do you see as positive

about toddler murder?

00:07:05,801 --> 00:07:09,847

Uh, uh, it's...it's easy?

00:07:09,972 --> 00:07:13,392

Yes, it is easy.

00:07:13,517 --> 00:07:15,185

All right, then,

on to your other cause --

00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:16,728

saving films

from their directors.

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What got you boys

interested in this?

00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:20,399

Especially given

your pro-toddler murder status.

00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:22,067

We believe that films

have to be taken away

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from people

like Steven Spielberg

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and George Lucas

because they're insane.

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I'm glad you said that,

boys, because joining us now

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are Steven Spielberg

and George Lucas!

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Oh, Christ. Aah!

00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:32,286

Hello, Ted.

- Hi, Ted.

00:07:32,411 --> 00:07:34,496

Gentlemen, these toddler-murder

fans think that you're insane

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and shouldn't be allowed

to alter your films.

00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:37,458

Your response?

- Well, first of all,

00:07:37,583 --> 00:07:39,835

both George and I

are very firmly against

00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,670

the murdering of toddlers.

- Hear, hear.

00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:43,422

Dude, that's Steven Spielberg

and George Lucas.

00:07:43,547 --> 00:07:45,424

Get me out of here! Please!

Somebody get me out of here!

00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:47,217

And as for altering our films,

all we're doing

00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:49,636

is trying to reach

a new audience with our movies.

00:07:49,761 --> 00:07:53,140

As the makers of dreams, we like

to speak for the children.

00:07:53,265 --> 00:07:55,392

Uh, we thought we were

speaking for the children.

00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:57,227

Yeah, we're children.

00:07:57,352 --> 00:07:59,438

Look, if the Beatles went back

and updated "The White Album"

00:07:59,563 --> 00:08:00,898

every few years,

what would we have now?

00:08:01,023 --> 00:08:03,025

Yeah, these guys are only

motivated by money, Ted.

00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:04,193

How so?

- Think about it --

00:08:04,318 --> 00:08:05,611

Spielberg -- Jew.

00:08:05,736 --> 00:08:07,821

Lucas -- Jew.

Kyle -- Jew.

00:08:07,946 --> 00:08:09,781

Coincidence?

- I'm not a Jew!

00:08:09,907 --> 00:08:12,242

You little brats!

I-I mean, you darling children

00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:14,119

don't know what

you're talking about.

00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:16,580

Changing "E.T." was

the best thing I ever did.

00:08:16,705 --> 00:08:18,165

Dude, don't you see

that it's not?

00:08:18,290 --> 00:08:20,250

It'd be like changing

"Raiders of the Lost Ark"!

00:08:22,044 --> 00:08:23,545

Wait a minute.

What did you say?

00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,422

That's brilliant!

- Yes.

00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:26,924

Change

"Raiders of the Lost Ark."

00:08:27,049 --> 00:08:28,300

Why didn't we think

of it before?

00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:30,427

No! No!

00:08:34,306 --> 00:08:36,183

Members,

this is our darkest hour.

00:08:36,308 --> 00:08:37,768

We've just learned

that George Lucas

00:08:37,893 --> 00:08:39,520

and Steven Spielberg

now intend to update

00:08:39,645 --> 00:08:41,480

and change

"Raiders of the Lost Ark."

00:08:43,482 --> 00:08:45,400

There's only one way

we can stop this important,

00:08:45,526 --> 00:08:47,027

historical piece of art

from being harmed.

00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:49,029

Mr. Secretary?

- Thank you.

00:08:49,154 --> 00:08:50,989

Our intelligence tells us

that the original negative

00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:52,533

to "Raiders of the Lost Ark"

00:08:52,658 --> 00:08:54,201

is currently somewhere

in George Lucas' house.

00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:56,620

We need to find

and usurp that negative.

00:08:56,745 --> 00:08:57,871

And if we get ahold

of the negative,

00:08:57,996 --> 00:08:59,122

they can't change the movie?

00:08:59,248 --> 00:09:00,499

That is our understanding.

00:09:00,624 --> 00:09:02,209

Sounds like a good idea to me!

00:09:02,334 --> 00:09:03,877

I don't want them to change

"Raiders of the Lost Ark"!

00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:05,212

Yeah!

00:09:05,337 --> 00:09:06,713

Yeah, we should

go get that negative

00:09:06,838 --> 00:09:08,799

- as soon as we get Hat free!

- Yeah!

00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:10,968

Free Hat! Free Hat! Free Hat!

00:09:11,093 --> 00:09:12,511

No, no, no.

We need to do this first.

00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:14,388

But we have to free Hat.

00:09:14,513 --> 00:09:17,516

It's just that, you know,

he killed 23 babies.

00:09:17,641 --> 00:09:19,351

Yeah, but it was

in self-defense!

00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:21,186

Yeah!

00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:23,564

He killed 23 babies

in self-defense?

00:09:23,689 --> 00:09:26,316

Hat was attacked maliciously

and unprovoked

00:09:26,441 --> 00:09:28,360

by a gang of babies

in West Town Park.

00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:29,778

When that many babies

get together,

00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,363

they can be like piranha.

00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,282

Three eyewitnesses testified

00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:35,033

that if Hat hadn't killed

those babies,

00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:36,868

they'd have killed him!

- Yeah!

00:09:36,994 --> 00:09:38,495

Free Hat! Free Hat!

00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:40,414

All right, all right,

but right now we've got to focus

00:09:40,539 --> 00:09:42,249

on getting those original prints

of "Raiders."

00:09:42,374 --> 00:09:43,959

He's right.

We better split up.

00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,836

Some of you go with the boys

and get those film prints.

00:09:45,961 --> 00:09:47,337

The rest of us come with me

00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:49,172

to go talk to the governor

about freeing Hat!

00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:50,424

Yeah!

00:09:50,549 --> 00:09:51,967

Free Hat! Free Hat!

00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,885

Free Hat! Free Hat!

00:09:54,011 --> 00:09:55,220

Free Hat! Free Hat!

00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:56,930

Free Hat! Free Hat!

00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:58,807

Well, looks like we're gonna

have to do this ourselves.

00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,225

No, that's it!

I'm out!

00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:02,144

I can't deal with the stress

you guys create!

00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,437

We're just gonna fly

to California

00:10:03,562 --> 00:10:04,771

and break into

George Lucas' house.

00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:06,481

What's stressful about that?

- Aaah!

00:10:06,607 --> 00:10:08,108

Okay, Tweek, let me

tell you something.

00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:09,401

You've been our new friend now

for two weeks, okay?

00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:10,569

And I've got to be honest

with you --

00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:12,404

It isn't going well.

- Aah!

00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:13,905

People aren't that into you.

They find you kind of annoying.

00:10:14,031 --> 00:10:15,282

Now, I'd say you've got

one last shot here,

00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:16,617

and I don't want you

to blow it, okay?

00:10:16,742 --> 00:10:17,701

Does that help take

the stress off?

00:10:23,749 --> 00:10:26,209

Okay, go.

00:10:26,335 --> 00:10:27,919

I'm not breaking into

George Lucas' house.

00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:29,379

I'm not breaking into

George Lucas' house.

00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:31,465

I'm in a green field.

- Shut up, Tweek.

00:10:31,590 --> 00:10:33,008

This is not the time

for faggocity!

00:10:34,885 --> 00:10:36,053

This looks like the right room.

00:10:36,178 --> 00:10:38,430

I'm in a field

surrounded by deer.

00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:40,182

Over here!

00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:49,650

That's it!

00:10:49,775 --> 00:10:51,401

All right, get it, Tweek!

- Nuh-unh!

00:10:51,526 --> 00:10:53,070

Get it, you piece of crap,

before I grab your nutsac

00:10:53,195 --> 00:10:54,363

and twist it!

- Aah!

00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:00,786

What are you doing?!

00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:02,704

Oh, God!

Oh, Jesus!

00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:04,373

You're the boys

from that stupid club!

00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:05,749

Gimme that!

- Aah!

00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:07,376

Do with us

what you will, Mr. Lucas,

00:11:07,501 --> 00:11:09,670

but please don't change

"Raiders of the Lost Ark."

00:11:09,795 --> 00:11:11,171

We're gonna make it better.

00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:13,173

The movie's gonna be changed,

and that is that!

00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:14,591

All right, you asked for it.

00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:16,176

I'm afraid you leave us

no choice.

00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:17,511

It's time for plan "B."

00:11:17,636 --> 00:11:18,512

Aw, really?

00:11:18,637 --> 00:11:19,930

Oh, God.

No, not plan "B"!

00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:22,557

You have a heart

made of ice, Mr. Lucas,

00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:24,518

and so we're going to

melt your icy heart

00:11:24,643 --> 00:11:25,936

with a cool island song.

00:11:26,061 --> 00:11:27,771

Gentlemen.

00:11:29,648 --> 00:11:31,108

What?

00:11:31,233 --> 00:11:33,694

Hit it, Tweek.

00:11:33,819 --> 00:11:36,613

♪ In the tropical isles

with the coconut trees -- ♪

00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:38,073

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:39,449

I thought we were gonna

cool his hot heart

00:11:39,574 --> 00:11:40,575

with a cool island song.

00:11:40,701 --> 00:11:42,202

No, he has a icy heart.

00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:44,454

But you can't melt ice

with a cool song, "R"-tard!

00:11:44,579 --> 00:11:46,915

So we have to warm his icy heart

with a hot island song.

00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,709

It's a cool island song!

00:11:48,834 --> 00:11:50,127

Well, then we're gonna end up

freezing his hellish heart

00:11:50,252 --> 00:11:51,128

with a cool island song.

00:11:51,253 --> 00:11:52,379

Aw, do we want to do that?

00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:53,839

All right, that does it!

00:11:55,257 --> 00:11:57,342

Yes, thank you, Officer.

00:11:57,467 --> 00:11:59,052

The police are

on their way, boys.

00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:00,220

Soon you'll be in jail

00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:01,972

- getting rammed!

- Aah!

00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:03,849

Those rams can do to us

what they will, Mr. Lucas,

00:12:03,974 --> 00:12:05,809

but we'll never stop

trying to protect films!

00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:07,769

It's not too late

to do what's right.

00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,229

Give us the print.

00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:10,605

There's still some good

in you, Mr. Lucas.

00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:11,732

We know there is!

00:12:14,025 --> 00:12:16,278

It is...too late for me, boys.

00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:17,904

You yourself led the campaign

00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:19,406

against the colorization

of films.

00:12:19,531 --> 00:12:21,658

You understand why films

shouldn't be changed.

00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:23,076

That's different.

00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:25,537

These are my movies.

I made them.

00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:28,415

And I have the right to do

whatever I want with them.

00:12:28,540 --> 00:12:29,708

You're wrong, Mr. Lucas.

00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:30,959

They're not your movies.

00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:32,586

They're ours...all of ours.

00:12:32,711 --> 00:12:34,504

We paid to go see them,

and they're just as much

00:12:34,629 --> 00:12:36,214

a part of our lives

as they are of yours.

00:12:36,339 --> 00:12:37,632

When an artist creates,

00:12:37,758 --> 00:12:40,051

whatever they create

belongs to society.

00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,514

Have I...become so old

00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:46,725

that I've forgotten what

being an artist is about?

00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:49,144

Give the print to us so that

we can protect it from Spielberg

00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:50,729

and anyone else

who wants to alter it.

00:12:52,189 --> 00:12:54,608

Perhaps...you are right.

00:12:54,733 --> 00:12:56,651

Stop!

00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:58,570

What are you doing, George?

00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:00,113

Steven, I-I --

00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:01,615

Give me that print, George.

00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:04,451

We need to make the alterations.

00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:06,745

Steven, these boys had a point.

00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:09,122

I don't remember what it was,

but it was good.

00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:10,957

You haven't let

these doe-eyed children

00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:13,084

affect your judgment,

have you, George?

00:13:13,210 --> 00:13:16,463

Don't forget --

You belong to me.

00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:18,006

Don't listen to him!

00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,383

You still have a chance

to preserve your film!

00:13:25,806 --> 00:13:28,058

I'm...I'm sorry, boys.

00:13:31,770 --> 00:13:34,189

Now take the children prisoner!

00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:35,690

What?!

00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:37,818

You troublemakers shall be

my guests of honor

00:13:37,943 --> 00:13:40,403

at the premiere of the new

"Raiders of the Lost Ark."

00:13:40,529 --> 00:13:43,448

Your gay little club is over!

00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:46,076

Fuck you, Steven Spielberg!

Come on, you guys!

00:13:46,201 --> 00:13:47,619

Oh, my God,

they're gonna kill us!

00:13:47,744 --> 00:13:49,120

Don't even think about it, kid!

00:13:49,246 --> 00:13:51,957

I'm not afraid to use

this walkie-talkie.

00:13:52,082 --> 00:13:54,793

The one with the cocaine

problem escaped, mein director!

00:13:54,918 --> 00:13:57,671

Leave him!

Let him run back to his mommy.

00:13:57,796 --> 00:13:59,840

We must get the film ready

for the premiere.

00:13:59,965 --> 00:14:01,591

Lucas! Come!

00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:07,222

Coming this summer,

00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,099

it's the digitally

re-enhanced re-release

00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:11,518

of the very first pilot episode

of "South Park"!

00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:13,562

Yes, the classic, rough,

handmade first episode

00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:16,022

is getting a makeover for 2002!

00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:19,276

The simple, funny aliens

are now super bad-ass and cool!

00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:20,735

The flying saucer?

00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:22,487

No longer cheap

construction paper --

00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:23,947

but a 4.0 megapixel

nondrop digital masterpiece

00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:25,448

of technology!

00:14:25,574 --> 00:14:27,868

Yes, everything's new.

New is better!

00:14:27,993 --> 00:14:29,327

When we first made "South Park,"

00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:30,787

we didn't want to use

construction paper.

00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:32,873

We just had to

because it was cheap.

00:14:32,998 --> 00:14:35,750

Now with new technology, we can

finally remaster "South Park"

00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:37,836

to make it look sharp,

clean, and focused.

00:14:37,961 --> 00:14:39,546

And expensive.

- Mm.

00:14:39,671 --> 00:14:41,381

Yes, all the charm

of the simple little cartoon

00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:43,341

will melt before your eyes

00:14:43,466 --> 00:14:46,094

as it is replaced by newer and

more standardized animation!

00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:47,721

For instance, in the scene

at the bus stop,

00:14:47,846 --> 00:14:49,890

we always meant

to have Imperial walkers

00:14:50,015 --> 00:14:51,850

and giant dewback lizards

in the background,

00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:53,894

but simply couldn't afford it.

00:14:54,019 --> 00:14:55,645

Get this special enhanced

version quick

00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:57,147

because another

enhanced version

00:14:57,272 --> 00:14:58,899

will likely be coming out

for 2003.

00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:04,154

Members!

U-Uh...

00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:06,072

Oh, Jesus.

We have to do something!

00:15:06,197 --> 00:15:08,450

Our club's president,

treasurer, and secretary

00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:11,119

have all been taken hostage

by Steven Spielberg! Aah!

00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,038

Prisoner?

You mean like Hat?

00:15:13,163 --> 00:15:14,664

Yes, just like Hat!

00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:16,333

But the governor

won't pardon Hat,

00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:18,335

so how can we get him

out of prison?

00:15:18,460 --> 00:15:20,170

Yeah!

00:15:20,295 --> 00:15:21,796

No, listen to me!

00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:24,424

We're not talking

about Hat right now, okay?

00:15:24,549 --> 00:15:25,759

Get it?!

00:15:25,884 --> 00:15:27,677

Look, we went

to George Lucas' house

00:15:27,802 --> 00:15:30,180

and tried to melt his icy heart

with a warm island song,

00:15:30,305 --> 00:15:31,473

but then Spielberg showed up

00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,308

and took three

of our members prisoner.

00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,185

They're going to premiere the

new "Raiders of the Lost Ark,"

00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:37,270

and we have to rescue them,

do you understand?!

00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:40,523

Hey, he's got a point there.

00:15:40,649 --> 00:15:44,569

Yeah, maybe we could melt

the governor's icy heart

00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:45,987

with a cool island song!

00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:47,030

Yeah!

- Let's go!

00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:48,531

No!

- No?

00:15:48,657 --> 00:15:50,200

No, he's right.

00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:53,119

We have to freeze his hot heart

with a cool island song.

00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:56,206

Or is it freshen his hot temper

with a cool island song?

00:15:56,331 --> 00:16:00,043

Let's cool his hot temper

with a fresh island song!

00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:02,170

That's it!

00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:06,174

Oh, God, I'm gonna have

to do this myself!

00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:07,217

Oh, God!

00:16:07,342 --> 00:16:08,510

Well, the print is finished,

00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:09,761

and the day has come.

00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:11,554

Tonight Steven Spielberg

and George Lucas

00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:13,765

will be at the premiere

of the new special edition

00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:15,308

of "Raiders of the Lost Ark."

00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:17,519

Lots of celebrity guests

and other rich people

00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:19,562

will be on hand to witness

all the updated effects

00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:21,231

and modernized technology.

00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,124

Oh!

00:16:40,291 --> 00:16:41,251

The kid?

00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:43,086

The tweeked-out kid?

00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:44,713

I'm gonna blow up the print,

Spielberg!

00:16:49,217 --> 00:16:51,720

Your persistence

surprises even me.

00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:55,348

Surely you don't think you can

escape from this premiere?

00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:57,600

That depends on how reasonable

we're all willing to be.

00:16:57,726 --> 00:16:59,185

All I want are my friends.

00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:00,478

Wow.

00:17:00,603 --> 00:17:02,022

Except for Cartman.

You can keep him.

00:17:02,147 --> 00:17:04,399

Hey!

- And if we refuse?

00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,317

Then your premiere has no movie!

00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:08,653

He's definitely lost it.

- Yep.

00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:09,904

Okay, okay, s-stand back.

00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,156

Stand back, back!

00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:13,992

Okay, kid, you win.

Blow it up.

00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:17,871

Zuroch!

Zuroch!

00:17:17,996 --> 00:17:20,290

Blow it back to God.

00:17:20,415 --> 00:17:24,127

All your life has been the

pursuit of seeing a great film.

00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:26,504

This new version of "Raiders"

has digital effects

00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:28,465

beyond your wildest dreams.

00:17:28,590 --> 00:17:31,426

You want to see it screened

just as much as I.

00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:34,262

Come on, Tweek.

Blow it up!

00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:37,390

Son, we are simply passing

through history.

00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:41,186

This...is improved history.

00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:47,400

Do as you will.

00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:57,494

♪ In the tropical isles

with the coconut trees ♪

00:17:57,619 --> 00:18:00,663

♪ The air is fresh,

and the people are free ♪

00:18:00,789 --> 00:18:01,873

♪ But here in the mountains ♪

00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:03,583

♪ There's no freedom like that ♪

00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:07,087

♪ There's a man in prison,

and his name is Hat ♪

00:18:22,143 --> 00:18:24,437

Haffaaa mali fi!

00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:26,272

Thanks for coming, everyone!

00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,404

This is the birth

of the new version

00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:34,739

of "Raiders of the Lost Ark."

00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:37,325

We shall screen it here

and then destroy

00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:39,410

all the old prints

in celebration!

00:18:39,536 --> 00:18:40,620

Hooray!

00:18:40,745 --> 00:18:42,205

Begin the film!

00:18:45,708 --> 00:18:47,794

Ooh! Whoa!

- Wow!

00:18:47,919 --> 00:18:49,629

You guys!

Close your eyes.

00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:51,005

Don't look at it!

- What?!

00:18:51,131 --> 00:18:52,215

Don't watch the movie, you guys!

00:18:52,340 --> 00:18:53,508

It'll be terrible.

Close your eyes!

00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:56,427

Ooh! Ahh!

- Ahh!

00:18:56,553 --> 00:18:58,346

It's beautiful!

00:19:04,519 --> 00:19:06,104

Wait a minute.

00:19:06,229 --> 00:19:07,897

This version is awful!

00:19:08,022 --> 00:19:09,440

Yeah, they ruined it!

00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:11,568

Oh, my God, it's terrible!

00:19:11,693 --> 00:19:12,944

Aaaahhhhh!

00:19:13,069 --> 00:19:14,946

Aaaaaahhhhh!

00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:19,284

Aaahhhhhh!

00:19:38,386 --> 00:19:40,430

Aaaahhhhhh!

00:19:59,490 --> 00:20:01,492

You...you guys okay?

00:20:01,618 --> 00:20:03,536

Yeah, I-I think so.

00:20:05,288 --> 00:20:08,791

Man, that new version

must have sucked balls.

00:20:14,172 --> 00:20:17,050

Today is a day of celebration.

00:20:17,175 --> 00:20:20,470

And we owe it all to these

four brave young boys.

00:20:22,597 --> 00:20:26,142

And thanks to the bravery

of this young man in particular,

00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:29,354

Hat McCullough

is finally free from prison!

00:20:31,189 --> 00:20:32,523

What?

00:20:32,649 --> 00:20:34,359

Hat! Hat! Hat! Hat!

00:20:34,484 --> 00:20:37,028

Hat! Hat! Hat! Hat!

Hat! Hat!

00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:39,530

Thank you, everyone.

Kill -- Kill the innocent!

00:20:39,656 --> 00:20:42,450

I'm so thankful for all your

support -- Rape the virgin!

00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:45,578

And, uh, I just wonder if

I could get a baby real quick?

00:20:46,704 --> 00:20:48,539

Sure, give that man a baby!

00:20:52,126 --> 00:20:53,962

Come on, you guys,

let's get out of here.

00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:55,713

Oh, my God!

00:20:57,840 --> 00:20:59,384

Do you think we did

a good thing, Stan?

00:20:59,509 --> 00:21:01,010

I mean, no one even

seemed to notice.

00:21:01,135 --> 00:21:02,595

Yeah, well, sometimes

the things we do

00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:03,680

don't matter right now.

00:21:03,805 --> 00:21:05,348

Sometimes they matter later.

00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:07,225

We have to care more about

later sometimes, you know?

00:21:07,350 --> 00:21:09,310

I think that's what separates us

from the Steven Spielbergs

00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:10,645

and George Lucases of the world.

00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:12,021

That and youth.

Those guys are old.

00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:13,231

But what about

the original prints

00:21:13,356 --> 00:21:14,857

of "Raiders of the Lost Ark"?

00:21:14,983 --> 00:21:16,609

What if somebody else takes them

and tries to change them?

00:21:16,734 --> 00:21:18,444

Don't worry, Tweek.

It's somewhere safe...

00:21:18,569 --> 00:21:20,655

somewhere where nobody

will ever find it.

00:00:12,179 --> 00:00:13,848

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:13,973 --> 00:00:15,725

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,850 --> 00:00:18,602

♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,187

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:20,312 --> 00:00:22,148

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

00:00:22,273 --> 00:00:25,317

♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,443 --> 00:00:27,111

♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪

00:00:27,236 --> 00:00:29,071

♪ Timmy, Timmy,

liv-a-la, Timmy! ♪

00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:32,575

♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

00:00:35,411 --> 00:00:37,163

Oh, cool.

A preview!

00:00:38,122 --> 00:00:40,332

Coming this summer,

it's the classic film

00:00:40,458 --> 00:00:41,625

that changed America --

00:00:41,751 --> 00:00:44,170

"E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, "

00:00:44,295 --> 00:00:46,964

the new redone version

for 2002!

00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:49,050

All the E.T. effects

have been digitally upgraded.

00:00:49,175 --> 00:00:50,426

All the guns have been

digitally changed

00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:51,886

to walkie-talkies.

00:00:52,011 --> 00:00:53,012

And the word "terrorist"

00:00:53,137 --> 00:00:54,764

has been changed to "hippie."

00:00:54,889 --> 00:00:56,348

Aw, dude,

why would they do that?

00:00:56,474 --> 00:00:58,142

Yeah, hippies and terrorists

are the same thing.

00:00:58,267 --> 00:01:00,019

No, dude, Spielberg

changed "terrorist" to "hippie"

00:01:00,144 --> 00:01:02,480

to make "E.T." more P.C.

- That's gay.

00:01:02,605 --> 00:01:04,065

Coming this summer,

00:01:04,190 --> 00:01:07,359

it's the motion picture

that changed America --

00:01:07,485 --> 00:01:09,820

"Saving Private Ryan, "

the re-re-release,

00:01:09,945 --> 00:01:11,405

where the word "Nazi"

has been changed

00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:13,282

to "persons

with political differences"

00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:15,493

and all the guns have been

replaced by walkie-talkies.

00:01:15,618 --> 00:01:17,244

[ Gunfire ]

00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:18,454

Oh, my God!

00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:20,831

[ Screaming ]

00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:26,045

Why the hell do these directors

keep updating their movies?

00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:28,422

And now

for your feature presentation,

00:01:28,547 --> 00:01:30,758

the classic re-re-re-release

00:01:30,883 --> 00:01:33,511

of "Star Wars:

The Empire Strikes Back."

00:01:33,636 --> 00:01:34,512

[All ]

Whoo-hoo!

00:01:41,102 --> 00:01:43,687

Aaahhh!

00:01:43,813 --> 00:01:45,481

God damn it, that pisses me off!

00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:46,982

Yeah, we want our money back!

00:01:47,108 --> 00:01:49,860

Sorry, suckers.

- You asshole!

00:01:49,985 --> 00:01:51,445

Why don't they leave

those movies alone?

00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:52,863

We liked them the way they were.

00:01:52,988 --> 00:01:54,698

Don't you see what this means?

00:01:54,824 --> 00:01:56,575

All our favorite movies are

going to be changed and updated

00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,369

until we can't even

recognize them anymore!

00:01:58,494 --> 00:02:00,496

Tweek is right. It isn't fair

for those asshole directors

00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,164

to keep changing their movies

and making them different.

00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:04,166

Movies are art, and art

shouldn't be modified.

00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,460

Yeah, what if they had modified

the Roman Colosseum every year?

00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:08,295

It would just be another

big douchey stadium now.

00:02:08,420 --> 00:02:09,964

We have to do something.

Let's form a club.

00:02:10,089 --> 00:02:11,257

Yeah, we could form a club

00:02:11,382 --> 00:02:12,925

that takes food stamps

from poor people

00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:14,718

and then sells them back

to the government for a profit.

00:02:14,844 --> 00:02:16,595

No, fat ass!

I mean a club to protect films

00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:18,472

from their directors

so they can't be messed with.

00:02:18,597 --> 00:02:20,474

Yeah, we'll be the "Save Films

from Their Own Directors" club.

00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:21,892

[All ]

Yeah!

00:02:22,017 --> 00:02:23,853

No! No, no!

I don't want to form a club!

00:02:23,978 --> 00:02:25,062

That's too much pressure!

00:02:25,187 --> 00:02:26,397

Look, I'm supposed

to take it easy.

00:02:26,522 --> 00:02:27,398

Just watch the clouds,

sit in the grass.

00:02:27,523 --> 00:02:28,858

If we form a club,

00:02:28,983 --> 00:02:30,276

there'll be responsibilities,

commitments!

00:02:30,401 --> 00:02:31,527

Tweek, now, God damn it.

We picked you to be

00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:32,987

our new friend to replace Kenny

00:02:33,112 --> 00:02:34,155

because we thought

you were a team player.

00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:35,656

I'm not!

I'm not a team player!

00:02:35,781 --> 00:02:37,116

Now, either you stop

with these faggotronics,

00:02:37,241 --> 00:02:38,534

or we'll find someone

to replace you.

00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:40,327

Oh!

Oh, Jesus!

00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:46,458

Dude, that sign sucks.

Nobody's gonna show up.

00:02:46,584 --> 00:02:48,419

What's wrong with it?

- Look at it, dude.

00:02:48,544 --> 00:02:50,087

You're not offering

any fabulous prizes.

00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:51,922

You have to offer fabulous

prizes if you want people

00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:54,049

to show up for your stupid crap.

Here.

00:02:56,468 --> 00:02:58,345

Free hat?

- Yeah, if you offer free hats,

00:02:58,470 --> 00:02:59,722

maybe people will show up.

00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,056

But we don't have hats!

00:03:01,182 --> 00:03:02,391

We can just make them

out of paper.

00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:03,642

Aah!

- It's not hard.

00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:04,643

Just stupid little paper hats.

00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:05,686

People just need free stuff.

00:03:05,811 --> 00:03:07,188

Don't you guys know anything?

00:03:07,313 --> 00:03:08,647

You see? First, we were

just forming a club.

00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:10,357

Now we have to make hats!

Where does it end?!

00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:11,775

All right, let's go get

the gymnasium ready.

00:03:11,901 --> 00:03:12,860

Tweek, you go make 50 hats.

00:03:12,985 --> 00:03:15,571

50 hats?

Oh, Jesus!

00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:18,574

Aah! I'll never make it!

I'll never make it!

00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:19,700

Tweek!

- Aah!

00:03:19,825 --> 00:03:20,993

Calm down, son.

00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:22,536

Remember what Dr. Norris

told you --

00:03:22,661 --> 00:03:24,330

Find your center.

00:03:24,455 --> 00:03:26,916

My center?

My...center.

00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:28,584

Calm.

00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,127

Puppies.

00:03:34,757 --> 00:03:37,259

Tweek! Tweek!

00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:38,969

Twee-e-e-k!!

- Aah!

00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:40,763

How many hats have you made?

- Oh, God!

00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:42,890

We only have until 10:00 a.m.

tomorrow. Get the lead out.

00:03:43,015 --> 00:03:44,934

Aaah! Oh, God!

00:03:48,020 --> 00:03:49,939

You guys, we have a big problem!

00:03:50,064 --> 00:03:51,815

What?

- I was up all night making hats.

00:03:51,941 --> 00:03:54,485

I only slept for an hour and

then I dreamt about making hats!

00:03:54,610 --> 00:03:55,778

But I only made 15!

00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:57,780

Calm down, Tweek.

15 might be enough.

00:03:57,905 --> 00:04:00,032

Yeah, let's see

if anyone's even shown up yet.

00:04:01,325 --> 00:04:03,118

[ Indistinct conversations ]

00:04:05,329 --> 00:04:06,997

Dude, there's like

a thousand people in there.

00:04:07,122 --> 00:04:08,415

A thousand?

Oh, Jesus, man!

00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:09,792

I don't have nearly

a thousand hats!

00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:11,168

They're gonna kick

your ass, Tweek.

00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:12,836

Aah!

- Tweek, it's okay!

00:04:12,962 --> 00:04:14,171

Look, maybe these people

all turned out

00:04:14,296 --> 00:04:15,881

because they believe

in saving films.

00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:17,841

Maybe they don't even care

about the free hat.

00:04:17,967 --> 00:04:19,969

[ Chanting ]

Free Hat! Free Hat! Free Hat!

00:04:20,094 --> 00:04:21,637

Oh, God!

- I told you guys.

00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,389

Never underestimate

the power of a free hat.

00:04:23,514 --> 00:04:25,683

[ Chanting continues ]

00:04:25,808 --> 00:04:27,476

I got to move away, you guys!

- Relax, Tweek.

00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:29,353

We're just gonna have to go in

there and explain what happened.

00:04:29,478 --> 00:04:31,146

There are more important things

right now than free hats.

00:04:31,272 --> 00:04:32,815

[ Indistinct conversations ]

00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:34,400

[ Cheers and applause ]

00:04:34,525 --> 00:04:36,694

Okay, uh, we want to thank

you all for coming.

00:04:36,819 --> 00:04:39,321

We're really happy to see

such enthusiasm for our cause.

00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:41,031

[ Cheers and applause ]

00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:42,449

One thing before I continue --

00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:43,659

Unfortunately,

we don't have enough

00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,494

of the free hats for everyone.

00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:47,413

[ Cheers and applause stops ]

00:04:47,538 --> 00:04:49,415

E-Excuse me?

00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:52,042

Yes, we apologize,

but our friend Tweek here

00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:53,502

didn't make enough of them.

- Oh, Jesus!

00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:54,878

Don't tell them it was me!

00:04:55,004 --> 00:04:56,964

We don't care about that.

- You don't?

00:04:57,089 --> 00:04:58,882

You mean you just came because

you believe in our cause?

00:04:59,008 --> 00:05:01,176

Yeah, free Hat!

- What?!

00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:04,013

Hat McCullough!

He was sent to prison in '82,

00:05:04,138 --> 00:05:05,431

and we believe

he should be released!

00:05:05,556 --> 00:05:06,890

Yeah!

00:05:07,016 --> 00:05:08,392

[ Chanting ]

Free Hat! Free Hat!

00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:11,562

Free Hat! Free Hat!

Free Hat! Free Hat!

00:05:11,687 --> 00:05:14,398

Okay, apparently, there's been

a bit of a misunderstanding.

00:05:14,523 --> 00:05:17,776

This is a rally to save films

from their directors.

00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:20,446

To do what?

00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:22,740

We believe that films are pieces

of art that must be preserved

00:05:22,865 --> 00:05:24,742

from the perverse hands

of their aging filmmakers.

00:05:24,867 --> 00:05:26,618

Oh...sorry.

00:05:26,744 --> 00:05:28,871

Come on, everyone.

Guess we're in the wrong place.

00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:30,706

[ Chanting ]

Free Hat! Free Hat!

00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,416

Wait, wait, wait, wait!

00:05:32,541 --> 00:05:34,251

Don't you see

what's happening out there?

00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:36,337

The films that you all grew up

with, that touched your lives

00:05:36,462 --> 00:05:39,131

and are a part of your soul, are

now being updated and changed.

00:05:39,256 --> 00:05:41,925

Join us, and we can be a group

that makes a difference!

00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:45,763

Can we also work towards

freeing Hat?

00:05:46,722 --> 00:05:48,557

Uh, sure, and we'll

also try to free Hat.

00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:49,725

[ Cheers and applause ]

00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:50,851

[ Chanting ]

Free Hat!

00:05:50,976 --> 00:05:52,478

Free Hat! Free Hat!

00:05:54,313 --> 00:05:57,649

212...213...214 members!

00:05:57,775 --> 00:05:58,942

You guys, you guys!

00:05:59,068 --> 00:06:00,652

Oh, God!

I've got terrible news!

00:06:00,778 --> 00:06:02,154

What?

- Ted Koppel wants us

00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:04,073

to appear on "Nightline"

to talk about our cause!

00:06:04,198 --> 00:06:05,657

Really? That's great!

- Yeah.

00:06:05,783 --> 00:06:07,951

No, it isn't, man!

That is way too much pressure!

00:06:08,077 --> 00:06:09,453

If we go on "Nightline,"

the whole country can hear

00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:10,871

about what's happening

to our classic films.

00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:12,998

But just remember

that I do all the talking.

00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:14,333

You? Why?

00:06:14,458 --> 00:06:15,876

Because I'm

the official spokesman.

00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:16,919

I got dibs on it.

00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:18,170

When did we do dibs for it?

00:06:18,295 --> 00:06:19,505

Just now.

One, two, three -- dibs!

00:06:19,630 --> 00:06:21,048

Knee.

- Aah!

00:06:21,173 --> 00:06:23,175

All right, fine.

You're the spokesman, Cartman.

00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:24,593

But you better not screw it up!

00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,637

What could possibly go wrong?

00:06:26,762 --> 00:06:29,056

A new movement

is sweeping the country,

00:06:29,181 --> 00:06:32,059

led by four determined boys

from South Park, Colorado.

00:06:32,184 --> 00:06:34,520

The organization was created

to protect Hollywood's

00:06:34,645 --> 00:06:37,022

classic films from the hands

of their directors

00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:38,774

and also to free Hat McCullough.

00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,609

So, boys, I'll ask you

the question

00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:42,986

that's on everyone's minds --

Why does your organization

00:06:43,112 --> 00:06:44,655

want to free Hat McCullough,

00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:48,534

the convicted, confessed

serial murderer of 23 babies?

00:06:50,661 --> 00:06:51,954

I believe

that can best be answered

00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:53,705

by our official spokesman,

Tweek.

00:06:53,831 --> 00:06:55,707

Aah!

- Well, Hat McCullough

00:06:55,833 --> 00:06:56,917

admitted he killed

those toddlers.

00:06:57,042 --> 00:06:58,377

Why do you want him free?

00:06:58,502 --> 00:07:01,296

Oh, Jesus, man!

[ Cries ]

00:07:01,422 --> 00:07:02,923

Just answer me this, Tweek --

00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:05,676

What do you see as positive

about toddler murder?

00:07:05,801 --> 00:07:09,847

Uh, uh, it's...it's easy?

00:07:09,972 --> 00:07:13,392

Yes, it is easy.

00:07:13,517 --> 00:07:15,185

All right, then,

on to your other cause --

00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:16,728

saving films

from their directors.

00:07:16,854 --> 00:07:18,230

What got you boys

interested in this?

00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:20,399

Especially given

your pro-toddler murder status.

00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:22,067

We believe that films

have to be taken away

00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:23,402

from people

like Steven Spielberg

00:07:23,527 --> 00:07:25,237

and George Lucas

because they're insane.

00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:26,905

I'm glad you said that,

boys, because joining us now

00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:28,866

are Steven Spielberg

and George Lucas!

00:07:28,991 --> 00:07:30,409

Oh, Christ. Aah!

00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:32,286

Hello, Ted.

- Hi, Ted.

00:07:32,411 --> 00:07:34,496

Gentlemen, these toddler-murder

fans think that you're insane

00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:36,081

and shouldn't be allowed

to alter your films.

00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:37,458

Your response?

- Well, first of all,

00:07:37,583 --> 00:07:39,835

both George and I

are very firmly against

00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,670

the murdering of toddlers.

- Hear, hear.

00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:43,422

Dude, that's Steven Spielberg

and George Lucas.

00:07:43,547 --> 00:07:45,424

Get me out of here! Please!

Somebody get me out of here!

00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:47,217

And as for altering our films,

all we're doing

00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:49,636

is trying to reach

a new audience with our movies.

00:07:49,761 --> 00:07:53,140

As the makers of dreams, we like

to speak for the children.

00:07:53,265 --> 00:07:55,392

Uh, we thought we were

speaking for the children.

00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:57,227

Yeah, we're children.

00:07:57,352 --> 00:07:59,438

Look, if the Beatles went back

and updated "The White Album"

00:07:59,563 --> 00:08:00,898

every few years,

what would we have now?

00:08:01,023 --> 00:08:03,025

Yeah, these guys are only

motivated by money, Ted.

00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:04,193

How so?

- Think about it --

00:08:04,318 --> 00:08:05,611

Spielberg -- Jew.

00:08:05,736 --> 00:08:07,821

Lucas -- Jew.

Kyle -- Jew.

00:08:07,946 --> 00:08:09,781

Coincidence?

- I'm not a Jew!

00:08:09,907 --> 00:08:12,242

You little brats!

I-I mean, you darling children

00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:14,119

don't know what

you're talking about.

00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:16,580

Changing "E.T." was

the best thing I ever did.

00:08:16,705 --> 00:08:18,165

Dude, don't you see

that it's not?

00:08:18,290 --> 00:08:20,250

It'd be like changing

"Raiders of the Lost Ark"!

00:08:22,044 --> 00:08:23,545

Wait a minute.

What did you say?

00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,422

That's brilliant!

- Yes.

00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:26,924

Change

"Raiders of the Lost Ark."

00:08:27,049 --> 00:08:28,300

Why didn't we think

of it before?

00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:30,427

No! No!

00:08:34,306 --> 00:08:36,183

Members,

this is our darkest hour.

00:08:36,308 --> 00:08:37,768

We've just learned

that George Lucas

00:08:37,893 --> 00:08:39,520

and Steven Spielberg

now intend to update

00:08:39,645 --> 00:08:41,480

and change

"Raiders of the Lost Ark."

00:08:41,605 --> 00:08:43,357

[ Crowd murmuring ]

00:08:43,482 --> 00:08:45,400

There's only one way

we can stop this important,

00:08:45,526 --> 00:08:47,027

historical piece of art

from being harmed.

00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:49,029

Mr. Secretary?

- Thank you.

00:08:49,154 --> 00:08:50,989

Our intelligence tells us

that the original negative

00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:52,533

to "Raiders of the Lost Ark"

00:08:52,658 --> 00:08:54,201

is currently somewhere

in George Lucas' house.

00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:56,620

We need to find

and usurp that negative.

00:08:56,745 --> 00:08:57,871

And if we get ahold

of the negative,

00:08:57,996 --> 00:08:59,122

they can't change the movie?

00:08:59,248 --> 00:09:00,499

That is our understanding.

00:09:00,624 --> 00:09:02,209

Sounds like a good idea to me!

00:09:02,334 --> 00:09:03,877

I don't want them to change

"Raiders of the Lost Ark"!

00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:05,212

[All ]

Yeah!

00:09:05,337 --> 00:09:06,713

Yeah, we should

go get that negative

00:09:06,838 --> 00:09:08,799

as soon as we get Hat free!

- TOGETHER: Yeah!

00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:10,968

[ Chanting ]

Free Hat! Free Hat! Free Hat!

00:09:11,093 --> 00:09:12,511

No, no, no.

We need to do this first.

00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:14,388

But we have to free Hat.

00:09:14,513 --> 00:09:17,516

It's just that, you know,

he killed 23 babies.

00:09:17,641 --> 00:09:19,351

Yeah, but it was

in self-defense!

00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:21,186

[All ]

Yeah!

00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:23,564

He killed 23 babies

in self-defense?

00:09:23,689 --> 00:09:26,316

Hat was attacked maliciously

and unprovoked

00:09:26,441 --> 00:09:28,360

by a gang of babies

in West Town Park.

00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:29,778

When that many babies

get together,

00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,363

they can be like piranha.

00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,282

Three eyewitnesses testified

00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:35,033

that if Hat hadn't killed

those babies,

00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:36,868

they'd have killed him!

- [All ] Yeah!

00:09:36,994 --> 00:09:38,495

[ Chanting ]

Free Hat! Free Hat!

00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:40,414

All right, all right,

but right now we've got to focus

00:09:40,539 --> 00:09:42,249

on getting those original prints

of "Raiders."

00:09:42,374 --> 00:09:43,959

He's right.

We better split up.

00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,836

Some of you go with the boys

and get those film prints.

00:09:45,961 --> 00:09:47,337

The rest of us come with me

00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:49,172

to go talk to the governor

about freeing Hat!

00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:50,424

[All ]

Yeah!

00:09:50,549 --> 00:09:51,967

[ Chanting ]

Free Hat! Free Hat!

00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,885

Free Hat! Free Hat!

00:09:54,011 --> 00:09:55,220

Free Hat! Free Hat!

00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:56,930

Free Hat! Free Hat!

[ Door closes ]

00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:58,807

Well, looks like we're gonna

have to do this ourselves.

00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,225

No, that's it!

I'm out!

00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:02,144

I can't deal with the stress

you guys create!

00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,437

We're just gonna fly

to California

00:10:03,562 --> 00:10:04,771

and break into

George Lucas' house.

00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:06,481

What's stressful about that?

- Aaah!

00:10:06,607 --> 00:10:08,108

Okay, Tweek, let me

tell you something.

00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:09,401

You've been our new friend now

for two weeks, okay?

00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:10,569

And I've got to be honest

with you --

00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:12,404

It isn't going well.

- Aah!

00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:13,905

People aren't that into you.

They find you kind of annoying.

00:10:14,031 --> 00:10:15,282

Now, I'd say you've got

one last shot here,

00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:16,617

and I don't want you

to blow it, okay?

00:10:16,742 --> 00:10:17,701

Does that help take

the stress off?

00:10:17,826 --> 00:10:21,747

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

00:10:23,749 --> 00:10:26,209

Okay, go.

00:10:26,335 --> 00:10:27,919

I'm not breaking into

George Lucas' house.

00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:29,379

I'm not breaking into

George Lucas' house.

00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:31,465

I'm in a green field.

- Shut up, Tweek.

00:10:31,590 --> 00:10:33,008

This is not the time

for faggocity!

00:10:34,885 --> 00:10:36,053

This looks like the right room.

00:10:36,178 --> 00:10:38,430

I'm in a field

surrounded by deer.

00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:40,182

Over here!

00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:49,650

That's it!

00:10:49,775 --> 00:10:51,401

All right, get it, Tweek!

- Nuh-unh!

00:10:51,526 --> 00:10:53,070

Get it, you piece of crap,

before I grab your nutsac

00:10:53,195 --> 00:10:54,363

and twist it!

- Aah!

00:10:58,742 --> 00:10:59,743

[ Door opens ]

00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:00,786

What are you doing?!

00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:02,704

Oh, God!

Oh, Jesus!

00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:04,373

You're the boys

from that stupid club!

00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:05,749

Gimme that!

- Aah!

00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:07,376

Do with us

what you will, Mr. Lucas,

00:11:07,501 --> 00:11:09,670

but please don't change

"Raiders of the Lost Ark."

00:11:09,795 --> 00:11:11,171

We're gonna make it better.

00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:13,173

The movie's gonna be changed,

and that is that!

00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:14,591

All right, you asked for it.

00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:16,176

I'm afraid you leave us

no choice.

00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:17,511

It's time for plan "B."

00:11:17,636 --> 00:11:18,512

Aw, really?

00:11:18,637 --> 00:11:19,930

Oh, God.

No, not plan "B"!

00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:22,557

You have a heart

made of ice, Mr. Lucas,

00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:24,518

and so we're going to

melt your icy heart

00:11:24,643 --> 00:11:25,936

with a cool island song.

00:11:26,061 --> 00:11:27,771

Gentlemen.

00:11:29,648 --> 00:11:31,108

What?

00:11:31,233 --> 00:11:33,694

Hit it, Tweek.

[ Steel-drum music plays ]

00:11:33,819 --> 00:11:36,613

♪ In the tropical isles

with the coconut trees -- ♪

00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:38,073

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:39,449

I thought we were gonna

cool his hot heart

00:11:39,574 --> 00:11:40,575

with a cool island song.

00:11:40,701 --> 00:11:42,202

No, he has a icy heart.

00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:44,454

But you can't melt ice

with a cool song, "R"-tard!

00:11:44,579 --> 00:11:46,915

So we have to warm his icy heart

with a hot island song.

00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,709

It's a cool island song!

00:11:48,834 --> 00:11:50,127

Well, then we're gonna end up

freezing his hellish heart

00:11:50,252 --> 00:11:51,128

with a cool island song.

00:11:51,253 --> 00:11:52,379

Aw, do we want to do that?

00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:53,839

All right, that does it!

00:11:55,257 --> 00:11:57,342

Yes, thank you, Officer.

00:11:57,467 --> 00:11:59,052

The police are

on their way, boys.

00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:00,220

Soon you'll be in jail

00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:01,972

- getting rammed!

- Aah!

00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:03,849

Those rams can do to us

what they will, Mr. Lucas,

00:12:03,974 --> 00:12:05,809

but we'll never stop

trying to protect films!

00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:07,769

It's not too late

to do what's right.

00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,229

Give us the print.

00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:10,605

There's still some good

in you, Mr. Lucas.

00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:11,732

We know there is!

00:12:14,025 --> 00:12:16,278

It is...too late for me, boys.

00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:17,904

You yourself led the campaign

00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:19,406

against the colorization

of films.

00:12:19,531 --> 00:12:21,658

You understand why films

shouldn't be changed.

00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:23,076

That's different.

00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:25,537

These are my movies.

I made them.

00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:28,415

And I have the right to do

whatever I want with them.

00:12:28,540 --> 00:12:29,708

You're wrong, Mr. Lucas.

00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:30,959

They're not your movies.

00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:32,586

They're ours...all of ours.

00:12:32,711 --> 00:12:34,504

We paid to go see them,

and they're just as much

00:12:34,629 --> 00:12:36,214

a part of our lives

as they are of yours.

00:12:36,339 --> 00:12:37,632

When an artist creates,

00:12:37,758 --> 00:12:40,051

whatever they create

belongs to society.

00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,514

Have I...become so old

00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:46,725

that I've forgotten what

being an artist is about?

00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:49,144

Give the print to us so that

we can protect it from Spielberg

00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:50,729

and anyone else

who wants to alter it.

00:12:52,189 --> 00:12:54,608

Perhaps...you are right.

00:12:54,733 --> 00:12:56,651

[ Door opens ]

- Stop!

00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:58,570

What are you doing, George?

00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:00,113

Steven, I-I --

00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:01,615

Give me that print, George.

00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:04,451

We need to make the alterations.

00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:06,745

Steven, these boys had a point.

00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:09,122

I don't remember what it was,

but it was good.

00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:10,957

You haven't let

these doe-eyed children

00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:13,084

affect your judgment,

have you, George?

00:13:13,210 --> 00:13:16,463

Don't forget --

You belong to me.

00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:18,006

Don't listen to him!

00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,383

You still have a chance

to preserve your film!

00:13:25,806 --> 00:13:28,058

I'm...I'm sorry, boys.

00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:31,645

[ Laughs evilly ]

00:13:31,770 --> 00:13:34,189

Now take the children prisoner!

00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:35,690

What?!

00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:37,818

You troublemakers shall be

my guests of honor

00:13:37,943 --> 00:13:40,403

at the premiere of the new

"Raiders of the Lost Ark."

00:13:40,529 --> 00:13:43,448

Your gay little club is over!

00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:46,076

Fuck you, Steven Spielberg!

Come on, you guys!

00:13:46,201 --> 00:13:47,619

Oh, my God,

they're gonna kill us!

00:13:47,744 --> 00:13:49,120

Don't even think about it, kid!

00:13:49,246 --> 00:13:51,957

I'm not afraid to use

this walkie-talkie.

00:13:52,082 --> 00:13:54,793

The one with the cocaine

problem escaped, mein director!

00:13:54,918 --> 00:13:57,671

Leave him!

Let him run back to his mommy.

00:13:57,796 --> 00:13:59,840

We must get the film ready

for the premiere.

00:13:59,965 --> 00:14:01,591

Lucas! Come!

00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:07,222

Coming this summer,

00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,099

it's the digitally

re-enhanced re-release

00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:11,518

of the very first pilot episode

of "South Park"!

00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:13,562

Yes, the classic, rough,

handmade first episode

00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:16,022

is getting a makeover for 2002!

00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:19,276

The simple, funny aliens

are now super bad-ass and cool!

00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:20,735

The flying saucer?

00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:22,487

No longer cheap

construction paper --

00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:23,947

but a 4.0 megapixel

nondrop digital masterpiece

00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:25,448

of technology!

00:14:25,574 --> 00:14:27,868

Yes, everything's new.

New is better!

00:14:27,993 --> 00:14:29,327

When we first made "South Park,"

00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:30,787

we didn't want to use

construction paper.

00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:32,873

We just had to

because it was cheap.

00:14:32,998 --> 00:14:35,750

Now with new technology, we can

finally remaster "South Park"

00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:37,836

to make it look sharp,

clean, and focused.

00:14:37,961 --> 00:14:39,546

And expensive.

- Mm.

00:14:39,671 --> 00:14:41,381

Yes, all the charm

of the simple little cartoon

00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:43,341

will melt before your eyes

00:14:43,466 --> 00:14:46,094

as it is replaced by newer and

more standardized animation!

00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:47,721

For instance, in the scene

at the bus stop,

00:14:47,846 --> 00:14:49,890

we always meant

to have Imperial walkers

00:14:50,015 --> 00:14:51,850

and giant dewback lizards

in the background,

00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:53,894

but simply couldn't afford it.

00:14:54,019 --> 00:14:55,645

Get this special enhanced

version quick

00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:57,147

because another

enhanced version

00:14:57,272 --> 00:14:58,899

will likely be coming out

for 2003.

00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:04,154

Members!

U-Uh...

00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:06,072

Oh, Jesus.

We have to do something!

00:15:06,197 --> 00:15:08,450

Our club's president,

treasurer, and secretary

00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:11,119

have all been taken hostage

by Steven Spielberg! Aah!

00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,038

Prisoner?

You mean like Hat?

00:15:13,163 --> 00:15:14,664

Yes, just like Hat!

00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:16,333

But the governor

won't pardon Hat,

00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:18,335

so how can we get him

out of prison?

00:15:18,460 --> 00:15:20,170

[All ]

Yeah!

00:15:20,295 --> 00:15:21,796

No, listen to me!

00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:24,424

We're not talking

about Hat right now, okay?

00:15:24,549 --> 00:15:25,759

Get it?!

00:15:25,884 --> 00:15:27,677

Look, we went

to George Lucas' house

00:15:27,802 --> 00:15:30,180

and tried to melt his icy heart

with a warm island song,

00:15:30,305 --> 00:15:31,473

but then Spielberg showed up

00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,308

and took three

of our members prisoner.

00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,185

They're going to premiere the

new "Raiders of the Lost Ark,"

00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:37,270

and we have to rescue them,

do you understand?!

00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:40,523

Hey, he's got a point there.

00:15:40,649 --> 00:15:44,569

Yeah, maybe we could melt

the governor's icy heart

00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:45,987

with a cool island song!

00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:47,030

Yeah!

- Let's go!

00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:48,531

No!

- No?

00:15:48,657 --> 00:15:50,200

No, he's right.

00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:53,119

We have to freeze his hot heart

with a cool island song.

00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:56,206

Or is it freshen his hot temper

with a cool island song?

00:15:56,331 --> 00:16:00,043

Let's cool his hot temper

with a fresh island song!

00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:02,170

That's it!

[ Indistinct shouting ]

00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:06,174

Oh, God, I'm gonna have

to do this myself!

00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:07,217

Oh, God!

00:16:07,342 --> 00:16:08,510

Well, the print is finished,

00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:09,761

and the day has come.

00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:11,554

Tonight Steven Spielberg

and George Lucas

00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:13,765

will be at the premiere

of the new special edition

00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:15,308

of "Raiders of the Lost Ark."

00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:17,519

Lots of celebrity guests

and other rich people

00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:19,562

will be on hand to witness

all the updated effects

00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:21,231

and modernized technology.

00:16:21,356 --> 00:16:23,984

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,124

Oh!

00:16:40,291 --> 00:16:41,251

The kid?

00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:43,086

The tweeked-out kid?

00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:44,713

I'm gonna blow up the print,

Spielberg!

00:16:47,215 --> 00:16:49,092

[ Walkie-talkies cocking ]

00:16:49,217 --> 00:16:51,720

Your persistence

surprises even me.

00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:55,348

Surely you don't think you can

escape from this premiere?

00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:57,600

That depends on how reasonable

we're all willing to be.

00:16:57,726 --> 00:16:59,185

All I want are my friends.

00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:00,478

Wow.

00:17:00,603 --> 00:17:02,022

Except for Cartman.

You can keep him.

00:17:02,147 --> 00:17:04,399

Hey!

- And if we refuse?

00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,317

Then your premiere has no movie!

00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:08,653

He's definitely lost it.

- Yep.

00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:09,904

Okay, okay, s-stand back.

00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,156

Stand back, back!

00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:13,992

Okay, kid, you win.

Blow it up.

00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:17,871

Zuroch!

Zuroch!

00:17:17,996 --> 00:17:20,290

Blow it back to God.

00:17:20,415 --> 00:17:24,127

All your life has been the

pursuit of seeing a great film.

00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:26,504

This new version of "Raiders"

has digital effects

00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:28,465

beyond your wildest dreams.

00:17:28,590 --> 00:17:31,426

You want to see it screened

just as much as I.

00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:34,262

Come on, Tweek.

Blow it up!

00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:37,390

Son, we are simply passing

through history.

00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:41,186

This...is improved history.

00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:47,400

Do as you will.

00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:49,986

[ Grunts ]

00:17:50,111 --> 00:17:51,738

[ Walkie-talkies cocking ]

00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:57,494

♪ In the tropical isles

with the coconut trees ♪

00:17:57,619 --> 00:18:00,663

♪ The air is fresh,

and the people are free ♪

00:18:00,789 --> 00:18:01,873

♪ But here in the mountains ♪

00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:03,583

♪ There's no freedom like that ♪

00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:07,087

♪ There's a man in prison,

and his name is Hat ♪

00:18:09,881 --> 00:18:12,425

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:18:22,143 --> 00:18:24,437

Haffaaa mali fi!

00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:26,272

Thanks for coming, everyone!

00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,404

This is the birth

of the new version

00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:34,739

of "Raiders of the Lost Ark."

00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:37,325

We shall screen it here

and then destroy

00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:39,410

all the old prints

in celebration!

00:18:39,536 --> 00:18:40,620

[All ]

Hooray!

00:18:40,745 --> 00:18:42,205

Begin the film!

00:18:45,708 --> 00:18:47,794

Ooh! Whoa!

- Wow!

00:18:47,919 --> 00:18:49,629

You guys!

Close your eyes.

00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:51,005

Don't look at it!

- What?!

00:18:51,131 --> 00:18:52,215

Don't watch the movie, you guys!

00:18:52,340 --> 00:18:53,508

It'll be terrible.

Close your eyes!

00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:56,427

Ooh! Ahh!

- Ahh!

00:18:56,553 --> 00:18:58,346

It's beautiful!

00:19:00,932 --> 00:19:02,642

[ Ewoks chattering ]

00:19:04,519 --> 00:19:06,104

Wait a minute.

00:19:06,229 --> 00:19:07,897

This version is awful!

00:19:08,022 --> 00:19:09,440

Yeah, they ruined it!

00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:11,568

Oh, my God, it's terrible!

00:19:11,693 --> 00:19:12,944

Aaaahhhhh!

00:19:13,069 --> 00:19:14,946

Aaaaaahhhhh!

00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:19,284

Aaahhhhhh!

00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:22,871

[ Screaming ]

00:19:29,294 --> 00:19:32,088

[ Screaming ]

00:19:32,213 --> 00:19:34,007

[ Screaming ]

00:19:38,386 --> 00:19:40,430

Aaaahhhhhh!

00:19:59,490 --> 00:20:01,492

You...you guys okay?

00:20:01,618 --> 00:20:03,536

Yeah, I-I think so.

00:20:05,288 --> 00:20:08,791

Man, that new version

must have sucked balls.

00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:11,544

[ Cheering, "The Stars and

Stripes Forever" plays ]

00:20:14,172 --> 00:20:17,050

Today is a day of celebration.

00:20:17,175 --> 00:20:20,470

And we owe it all to these

four brave young boys.

00:20:20,595 --> 00:20:22,472

[ Cheers and applause ]

00:20:22,597 --> 00:20:26,142

And thanks to the bravery

of this young man in particular,

00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:29,354

Hat McCullough

is finally free from prison!

00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:31,064

[ Cheers and applause ]

00:20:31,189 --> 00:20:32,523

What?

00:20:32,649 --> 00:20:34,359

[ Chanting ]

Hat! Hat! Hat! Hat!

00:20:34,484 --> 00:20:37,028

Hat! Hat! Hat! Hat!

Hat! Hat!

00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:39,530

Thank you, everyone.

Kill -- Kill the innocent!

00:20:39,656 --> 00:20:42,450

I'm so thankful for all your

support -- Rape the virgin!

00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:45,578

And, uh, I just wonder if

I could get a baby real quick?

00:20:46,704 --> 00:20:48,539

Sure, give that man a baby!

00:20:48,665 --> 00:20:50,333

[ Cheers and applause ]

00:20:52,126 --> 00:20:53,962

Come on, you guys,

let's get out of here.

00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:55,713

Oh, my God!

00:20:57,840 --> 00:20:59,384

Do you think we did

a good thing, Stan?

00:20:59,509 --> 00:21:01,010

I mean, no one even

seemed to notice.

00:21:01,135 --> 00:21:02,595

Yeah, well, sometimes

the things we do

00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:03,680

don't matter right now.

00:21:03,805 --> 00:21:05,348

Sometimes they matter later.

00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:07,225

We have to care more about

later sometimes, you know?

00:21:07,350 --> 00:21:09,310

I think that's what separates us

from the Steven Spielbergs

00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:10,645

and George Lucases of the world.

00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:12,021

That and youth.

Those guys are old.

00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:13,231

But what about

the original prints

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of "Raiders of the Lost Ark"?

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What if somebody else takes them

and tries to change them?

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Don't worry, Tweek.

It's somewhere safe...

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somewhere where nobody

will ever find it.

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[ Dramatic music plays ]