Профессор Хаос

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♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

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♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

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♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

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♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

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♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

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♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

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♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪

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♪ Timmy, Timmy,

liv-a-la, Timmy! ♪

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♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

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Okay. Here he comes.

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Who wants to tell him?

- I'll do it.

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Hey, fellas!

I'm glad you called me!

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There's a pie-eating contest

down at the firehouse,

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and I thought

we should all go!

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Butters, could you

take a seat, please?

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W-Well, sure.

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Butters, we have to have

a very difficult conversation.

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Well, what is it?

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Well, in the months

since our friend Kenny died,

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you have really stepped up

as a friend

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and "filled the gap,"

so to speak.

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Well, it's my pleasure!

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I love being

you guys' new friend.

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Yes. Well, Butters...

it's just not working out.

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Not working out?

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I'm afraid we're gonna have to

let you go as our friend.

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You're just too...

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Lame.

- Lame, yes.

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But I can get better.

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Butters, you don't really fit in

with us here.

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We think it's best for all of us

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if you look for friendship

opportunities elsewhere.

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But we certainly want to thank

you for all your hard work

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and attempts at being our

friend -- lame as they were.

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But I thought we were really

getting along great.

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I-I thought we were really

having fun together.

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Yes.

Well, we weren't.

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Please, fellas, don't fire me.

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We're sorry, Butters.

Our mind is made up.

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But we certainly want to

thank you for coming by.

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You know your way out, right?

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Phew!

- Phew!

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He took that pretty well,

I think.

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Who cares?

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So let's get started on who's

gonna take Kenny's place.

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The world isn't fair.

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I do everything

people ask me to.

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I stand in the lunch lines

for them.

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I buy tampons at the store

for them.

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I go on "Maury Povich"

with balls on my chin for them.

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And yet nobody accepts me.

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I am an outcast...

a shadow of a man

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who can find no companionship,

no love from others.

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Fine! If I'm to be an outcast,

so be it.

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I'm through doing

what others tell me to do,

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and I am sick of this world

and the st--

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and the stinky people in it.

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From now on,

I will dedicate my life

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to bringing chaos to the world

that has dejected me.

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I will become

the greatest supervillain

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the world has ever seen!

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Where I go,

destruction will follow!

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Prepare, oh, little town.

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Prepare for the

greatest supervillain

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you have ever seen --

Professor Chaos!

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Butters, time for bed.

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Okay, Mom.

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Yes.

Uh, slee-- sleep for now.

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Tomorrow the chaos begins.

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All right. We want to thank

everybody for coming.

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This is a great turnout.

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Uh, as you know, our friend

Kenny died a few months ago,

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and we are still looking to fill

the void with a new friend.

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Uh, you've all been selected

as possible candidates,

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but unfortunately, there is

only room for one of you.

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And so Stan and Kyle and I will

be spending the next few days

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going out with each one of you

and narrowing our choices down

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until we think we've found

the perfect friend.

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Are there any questions?

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What if we don't want to be

your friend?

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Clyde...okay?

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Now, the first thing

we have to do

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is cut the list down

from 20 choices to 10.

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So today we will all be going

to the amusement park together

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to see who we want to cut.

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Please keep in mind

this will all be videotaped,

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so put on your

best friend faces,

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and may the best friend win.

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Oh, and we will be needing

a $10-per-person entrance fee.

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Order 23 is up,

and, uh, order 24 is up.

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Uh, waitress, I actually ordered

the chicken soup.

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This is minestrone.

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Yeah.

I had the minestrone over here.

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I am Professor Chaos,

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and now this puny world

w-will bow down to me!

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So today, we went

to the amusement park

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with all our possible friends.

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It was a really fun time.

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We rode all the rides,

and everyone got along great.

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I think the person that stood

out most at the amusement park was Jimmy.

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Well, the -- the reason

I think I would make

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the perfect fourth friend

is that I love telling jokes.

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You know

who doesn't like to laugh?

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Tweek -- Now, there's

an interesting choice.

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Tweek has a lot of qualities

that I look for in a friend.

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What if they don't pick me?

What if they get us all, man?

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I mean, Christ,

if they can get to the Pentagon,

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they can get to us all, man!

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Aah!

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I think I deserve to take

Kenny's place the most

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because I've been hanging around

these guys for like five years,

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and I never get to say

or do anything.

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Yeah, I've always seen that kid

in class,

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but he never does anything.

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He's more like a prop.

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Towelie is a tough choice,

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because even though I can see

how always having a towel around

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could come in handy,

he's just always so high.

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Yeah, I really hope I win

because --

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Wait.

What is this again?

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I have no idea what's going on.

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We decided to get some

one-on-one time with Jimmy

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and ride the log ride.

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The great thing was

that because Jimmy's crippled,

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we got to go to the front

of the line.

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That was definitely big points

for Jimmy, you know?

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But then we got to the ride

itself and...

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Hey, I-I'm gonna need some help

getting in the log, fellas.

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Oh, shut her down.

Someone needs assistance.

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Oh, really?

That's gonna cost some points.

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Right now I'd say if we're gonna

have a retard for a friend,

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I'd have to pick Timmy,

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because Timmy doesn't tell

lame jokes.

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Boy, isn't this great, fellas?

A-Are we great pals or what?

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One thing's for sure --

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Picking our new friend

isn't gonna be easy.

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Kneel!

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Kneel before Professor Chaos!

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Oh, the look on their faces

when they got the wrong soup.

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I love bringing chaos!

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And that is only the beginning.

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All right, everyone.

It was a tough decision.

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But based on our time with you

all at the amusement park,

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we have whittled our choices

down to 10.

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If you receive a rose,

please stay.

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If you don't,

please get the fudge out.

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Kyle, will you announce

the people we want to stay?

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Token.

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Clyde.

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Craig.

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Timmy.

- Timmy!

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Oh, man, this is

too much pressure!

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Pip.

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Jimmy.

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Jason.

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Towelie.

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Luigi.

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Just one rose left, Kyle.

Who does it go to?

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Tweek.

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Aah!

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All right. The rest of you,

thanks for coming.

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Get the fudge out.

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I didn't make the cut?

Oh, God! I didn't make the cut?!

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I didn't even get a chance

to have them get to know me!

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Alright! Congratulations to those of you

selected to stay.

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In the end, one of you will be

the new Kenny.

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Good luck.

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Good morning, Butters.

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It certainly is, Mother.

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Did you hear about

what's been going on?

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Some horrible new supervillain

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made somebody get the wrong

soup order at Bennigan's.

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No.

I didn't hear about that.

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Y-You didn't?

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Dad, could -- could I see

the newspaper real quick?

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Well, sure, Butters.

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I was just about to get

some breakfast.

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Nothing.

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Nothing!

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It's the liberal media.

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They're keeping the stories

of my deeds covered up

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so as not to cause a panic.

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Well, then I guess it's time

to step it up a notch!

00:09:14,471 --> 00:09:16,515

Okay. Next.

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This looks pretty good.

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Yeah, it's not bad.

Next.

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Timmy!

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Next.

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Okay, so now we're gonna see

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how you all work as a friend

during class time.

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Your performances

will be judged primarily

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on how you help us cheat

and give us answers.

00:09:48,130 --> 00:09:49,131

So good luck, everybody!

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Sit down, boys.

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All righty, then.

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All right, children.

00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:53,302

Before we get started,

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has anybody seen the eraser

for the chalkboard?

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It probably got knocked

on the floor somewhere.

00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,645

Can you all please just look

around your desks for it?

00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,484

Yes. Look around

for your precious eraser.

00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:10,485

You won't find it.

00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:11,987

That eraser is in my backyard,

00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:14,156

buried three feet below

the surface of the earth.

00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:16,325

And do you even suspect me?

No.

00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:18,702

Now we shall see how you

all like your dear chalkboard

00:10:18,827 --> 00:10:19,828

without an eraser,

00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:22,664

with information that just

keeps piling up and piling up

00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:25,000

until your minuscule brains

can take it no longer!

00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:26,668

No?

Oh, well, never mind.

00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:28,337

I've got a backup one

in the desk.

00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:29,004

Okay.

00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,173

Children, we're gonna learn

about multiplying times five.

00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:33,342

So...you

all think you can outsmart

00:10:33,467 --> 00:10:34,676

Professor Chaos, do you?

00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,678

Now, whenever we multiply

a number times five,

00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,680

the result is going to end

in a zero or five.

00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,682

Ms. Choksondik?

- What is it, Butters?

00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:43,185

Uh, I need to go to the bathroom

really bad.

00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,771

All right, Butters.

Take the bathroom pass and go.

00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,733

Okay.

So for instance, children --

00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:51,568

All right.

I'm going to the bathroom now.

00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:53,695

If anybody needs me,

that's where I'll be.

00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:55,155

Just go, Butters.

00:10:56,323 --> 00:11:00,702

Okay. So for instance,

five times one is what, Eric?

00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,120

Uh, what's the question again?

00:11:02,245 --> 00:11:04,289

Five times one.

00:11:04,748 --> 00:11:07,542

Five times one is, of course...

00:11:07,668 --> 00:11:08,960

Five.

00:11:09,086 --> 00:11:09,544

Five!

00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:14,591

The time for fun and games

is over, feebleminded fools!

00:11:16,093 --> 00:11:16,760

Who are you?

00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:18,220

I am Professor Chaos,

00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,472

bringer of destruction

and maker of doom!

00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:23,058

Those who do not know me yet

shall know me very soon,

00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:26,061

for the hour of chaos

i-is at hand!

00:11:30,691 --> 00:11:32,567

Hey!

That kid took my last eraser!

00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:33,735

Come back here, kid!

00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,570

Well, I-I'm back

from the bathroom.

00:11:35,696 --> 00:11:37,072

I really let one go in there.

00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,241

Butters, did you see another

little kid run out of here?

00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:40,242

Why, yes, I did.

00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:42,244

But he pushed me down,

and I scraped my elbow.

00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,663

Go on. Look at it.

It's scraped. Look.

00:11:45,706 --> 00:11:48,583

Yes. Go on and see

the red mark on my elbow --

00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:49,751

the red mark I made myself

00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:52,254

to throw you off

Professor Chaos' trail.

00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:53,255

It looks fine, Butters.

00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:55,841

Okay.

Hold on and stay here, children.

00:11:59,803 --> 00:12:01,096

You're such a fat ass, Cartman!

00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:02,806

Oh, yeah?

Well, you're a stupid Jew!

00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:04,725

Shut up, fat ass!

00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:09,187

Oh.

Uh...you guys are dumb.

00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:12,107

Okay. Craig.

Interesting choice.

00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:13,775

Powerful stuff there, Craig.

Thank you very much.

00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:19,114

It is almost complete --

the creation of my minions

00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:22,451

who will assist me

in bringing terror to the world.

00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:24,369

There we go.

00:12:26,163 --> 00:12:29,291

Yes.

My minions of -- of chaos.

00:12:30,834 --> 00:12:33,128

Shh.

Not -- Not now, my lovelies.

00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:36,214

Your time to bring d-destruction

will come very soon.

00:12:36,631 --> 00:12:37,799

Aah!

00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:40,343

Butters, a note for you was left

on the front door.

00:12:40,469 --> 00:12:41,470

A note?

- Here you go.

00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:43,680

And wash your hands

after you touch those hamsters.

00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:45,891

You'll get AIDS.

- Okay, Mom.

00:12:54,483 --> 00:12:58,236

So, someone has discovered

my horrible secret.

00:12:58,361 --> 00:13:00,655

This could be a trap

set by the FBI.

00:13:00,781 --> 00:13:03,158

Oh, I'll be at the docks,

precious FBI,

00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,160

but it is I who will have

the trap set for you!

00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:07,913

Come, my minions.

We haven't much time.

00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:10,332

All right, everyone.

00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:13,335

The time has come for us

to narrow the list from 10 to 6.

00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:16,004

But first let us just say that

the people who we didn't pick

00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:19,591

were only not picked because

they totally suck balls. Kyle?

00:13:19,716 --> 00:13:20,383

They're not going to pick me.

00:13:20,509 --> 00:13:21,593

I just know they're not.

00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:23,345

Oh, Jesus!

I-I can't take it!

00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:24,262

Token.

00:13:24,387 --> 00:13:25,055

All right!

00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:27,098

Timmy.

- Timmy!

00:13:27,224 --> 00:13:28,099

Tweek.

00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:30,018

Pip.

00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,728

Really?

I don't believe it!

00:13:31,853 --> 00:13:33,063

Towelie.

00:13:33,188 --> 00:13:34,022

What?

00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:35,565

Just one more rose, Kyle.

00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:36,441

Jimmy.

00:13:36,566 --> 00:13:38,401

Oh, boy!

Oh, thank God!

00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:39,736

Those with roses will move on

00:13:39,861 --> 00:13:41,613

to the swimsuit

and talent competition.

00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:44,115

The rest of you,

get the fudge out!

00:13:44,825 --> 00:13:45,909

This whole thing is stupid!

00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:47,452

You don't pick people

you want to be with

00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:48,703

by making it into a game!

00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:50,956

Ooh!

Somebody's a sore loser.

00:13:51,081 --> 00:13:53,750

Clyde, I believe I said

get the fudge out,

00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:55,377

which means kiss my fudgin' ass,

00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:58,880

go fudge yourself, fudge you,

get the fudge out, Clyde.

00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:10,475

Hey, Butters.

00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:11,309

Oh, hey, Dougie --

00:14:11,434 --> 00:14:13,728

Uh, I mean --

My name is Professor Chaos!

00:14:13,854 --> 00:14:15,230

I saw you change

in the school bathroom.

00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,232

You stole that eraser

in your class.

00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:18,066

Very well!

00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:19,442

You've called out

Professor Chaos,

00:14:19,568 --> 00:14:22,070

and you also called out

your own demise!

00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:23,822

Go now, my minions!

00:14:23,947 --> 00:14:26,074

Go and take

this foolish mortal down!

00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:28,285

Aw, minions.

Not -- Not that way.

00:14:28,410 --> 00:14:29,327

Come back, minions.

00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:31,913

I'm not trying to call you out,

Professor Chaos.

00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:34,249

I want to join you.

00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:35,083

Join me?

00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,794

Yeah, I want to join you

in your conquest of destruction.

00:14:37,919 --> 00:14:38,795

But why?

00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:39,921

I'm an outcast, too,

00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:42,007

a frail child cast aside

by society.

00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:44,926

I want to follow you in...

whatever you're doing.

00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:47,596

Very well. You shall be

my accomplice in evil.

00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:50,098

Together we shall bring

the world to its knees

00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,601

a-and make all those who

banished us from society

00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:53,435

run...wrecked.

00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,979

Do I get a neato costume

made out of aluminum foil, too?

00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:57,105

Well, sure, you do.

00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:59,608

I am professor,

and you shall be my general.

00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:02,319

From now on,

you are General...Disarray.

00:15:02,444 --> 00:15:03,445

General Disarray.

00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,113

Now let us go look

for my minions!

00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:07,532

'Cause they ran away here.

Can't find 'em.

00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,542

The swimsuit competition

really gave us a fresh look

00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:19,461

at some of the candidates.

00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,463

Well, I don't think

I did too well

00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:22,964

in the bathing-suit competition.

00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:24,883

But I can't wait

for the talent-show competition.

00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:27,385

That'll really be my chance

to s-shine.

00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:29,471

Wow.

What a terrific audience.

00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:31,640

So anyway,

a guy walks into a b...

00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:33,975

A guy walks into a b-ba...

00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:37,020

A guy walks --

A guy walks into a b-baa...

00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:42,359

Okay. Wait.

00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,240

No, no.

Wait.

00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:54,663

Next, please.

00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:56,831

W-What am I supposed to do?

00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:57,832

Anything that'll impress us,

Token.

00:15:57,958 --> 00:16:00,669

If you were our friend, how

would you keep us entertained?

00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:03,254

Uh...

Oh! I know!

00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:09,511

Very nice.

- I like it.

00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:11,513

Token was the definite winner

of the talent show.

00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:13,181

Then we decided to take

everyone to a baseball game

00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,225

to see how we got along there.

00:16:15,350 --> 00:16:16,851

There goes a hit to left field!

00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:18,186

And Foley's going to score!

00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,188

Yeah! Isn't this great?

00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,940

Drinks!

Get your drinks here!

00:16:22,065 --> 00:16:23,525

Yes.

Could I have some tea, please?

00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:25,193

You don't drink tea

at a baseball game,

00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:26,277

you French piece of crap!

00:16:26,403 --> 00:16:28,238

Oh. Very well.

Just some crumpets, then.

00:16:28,363 --> 00:16:30,532

All right! That does it!

Pip, get the fudge out!

00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,200

Next!

00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:34,202

Okay.

Let's try this.

00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,040

Hey, what's wrong

with the Jumbotron?

00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:40,417

People of Earth!

00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:43,044

Your meaningless lives

are about to end!

00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:44,713

I am Professor Chaos,

00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:47,966

and this is my partner in evil,

General Disarray.

00:16:48,091 --> 00:16:50,218

In the past few days,

I have rained terror down

00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,095

upon the society

that shunned me,

00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:55,724

and now it is time

for my final labor of loathing.

00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:59,728

I am going to...flood the world!

00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:01,146

- Flood the world?

- My God!

00:17:01,271 --> 00:17:03,648

I don't want to die.

I don't want to die!

00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:04,399

Oh, yes.

00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,651

Every living creature

and every sacred building

00:17:06,776 --> 00:17:10,405

will soon be under leagues and

leagues of cold and dark water.

00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,574

And there is nothing you can do

to stop it!

00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:15,952

General Disarray,

begin the flooding of Earth!

00:17:20,081 --> 00:17:21,666

You brought this

upon yourselves!

00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:23,918

You made the outcasts

of the w-world.

00:17:24,044 --> 00:17:27,505

Now watch -- watch as your

precious planet drowns!

00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:28,798

Watch!

00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:34,429

Dear Christ, who will save us?

00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,014

We have very little time

to live.

00:17:36,139 --> 00:17:39,059

How shall we spend

our last hours on Earth?

00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:41,853

Yeah!

- All right!

00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:50,028

Our reign of terror is complete!

00:17:50,153 --> 00:17:53,698

The t-turmoil has now come

full circle!

00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:59,788

Hey, is the hose on full,

General Disarray?

00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:00,872

It's on all the way.

00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:02,165

Oh.

All right, then.

00:18:02,290 --> 00:18:04,793

N-Nothing to do now

but watch the world die!

00:18:15,303 --> 00:18:17,722

Boy, this sure is taking

a long time.

00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:24,229

So how do we all feel

about Towelie as our new friend?

00:18:24,354 --> 00:18:25,313

I think Towelie is awesome.

00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,023

Towelie's cool,

but he gets stoned all the time.

00:18:27,148 --> 00:18:28,566

You can't really rely on him

for anything.

00:18:28,691 --> 00:18:30,068

Oh, this is giving me

a headache.

00:18:30,193 --> 00:18:31,027

Come on, you guys.

00:18:31,152 --> 00:18:32,487

We can't take this decision

lightly.

00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:33,988

Whoever we pick

is going to be the person

00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:35,490

we do everything with

from now on.

00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:36,699

You're right.

How about Timmy?

00:18:36,825 --> 00:18:38,243

He's quiet

and takes direction well --

00:18:38,368 --> 00:18:39,244

really the perfect friend.

00:18:39,369 --> 00:18:41,663

Yeah, but Timmy can be

really self-centered.

00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:43,998

How about Token?

Token's a smart ass.

00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:45,333

So?

You're a smart ass.

00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,085

Yeah, but do we really need

another one?

00:18:47,210 --> 00:18:48,211

Good point.

00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:49,712

Hey, fellas,

I was just in the neighborhood,

00:18:49,838 --> 00:18:52,048

and thought I'd stop by

this g-gift basket.

00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:53,341

Oh, thanks, Jimmy.

00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,343

There's some chocolates

and I-licorice

00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:57,679

and some games and p-puzzles

inside.

00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:58,680

That's great.

- Cool.

00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:01,015

Yeah. Well, I guess I'll be

seeing y-you friends later.

00:19:01,141 --> 00:19:02,767

All right, Jimmy.

See ya.

00:19:02,892 --> 00:19:03,852

Suck-up.

00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:12,694

Not long now, General Disarray,

00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:15,780

and our horrible plan

will be complete.

00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:19,784

Hey, do you think

maybe we should build a boat --

00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:21,870

you know, like a little raft

or something

00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:23,079

so that when the world floods,

00:19:23,204 --> 00:19:25,206

you and me and the minions

can live?

00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:26,583

Oh, yeah.

I hadn't thought of that.

00:19:26,708 --> 00:19:30,295

That's a pretty good idea.

I'll go get a hammer.

00:19:31,254 --> 00:19:32,380

Hey.

Who is that?

00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:44,601

Is this it?

- Yeah. 213. That's the one.

00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:49,856

Hey! W-What are you doing?

00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:03,411

Ah! You may have won this time,

but I will be back!

00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:04,579

What do we do now?

00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:07,081

Well, I had another idea

of how to kill the world.

00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:09,792

I thought it was almost

too horrible to even speak of.

00:20:09,918 --> 00:20:13,838

But -- But now they have left me

with no other choice!

00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:15,423

Well, this is it.

00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:16,591

We have made our final decision,

00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:19,135

and one of you is who we will be

spending our childhood with

00:20:19,260 --> 00:20:20,136

as our new friend.

00:20:20,261 --> 00:20:23,431

Oh, p-please.

Oh -- Oh, God, p-please.

00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:25,600

Four friends.

Just one rose.

00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:29,354

The moment of truth is here.

Kyle, who does the rose go to?

00:20:33,816 --> 00:20:38,029

This is it, General Disarray --

my final solution.

00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:41,157

What evil plot do you have

this time, Professor Chaos?

00:20:41,282 --> 00:20:42,283

Simple, my dear general.

00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:45,703

We are going to tear down

the earth's precious atmosphere!

00:20:45,828 --> 00:20:46,371

Oh, yes.

00:20:46,496 --> 00:20:48,456

My latest plan will melt

the polar ice caps

00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:50,291

a-and burn all the world

with the --

00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:52,877

with the sun's harmful rays.

00:20:53,002 --> 00:20:56,297

Say goodbye to your precious

ozone and hello to chaos!

00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:08,476

Okay. Hand me another one,

General Disarray.

00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:20,238

Will Professor Chaos's

latest plot succeed

00:21:20,363 --> 00:21:22,156

and be the final undoing

of Earth?

00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:23,658

And which boy has been chosen

00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:25,702

to be the replacement

for Kenny?

00:21:25,827 --> 00:21:28,997

And which of these six

South Park residents was killed

00:21:29,122 --> 00:21:30,832

and will never be seen again?

00:21:30,957 --> 00:21:33,668

The answer to those questions

will be answered...

00:21:33,793 --> 00:21:34,419

right now.

00:21:34,544 --> 00:21:38,506

No. Tweek.

Ms. Choksondik.

00:00:11,846 --> 00:00:13,639

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:15,057

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,182 --> 00:00:18,227

♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:19,562

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:19,687 --> 00:00:21,564

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:24,984

♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,109 --> 00:00:26,652

♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪

00:00:26,777 --> 00:00:28,571

♪ Timmy, Timmy,

liv-a-la, Timmy! ♪

00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:32,491

♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:36,912

Okay. Here he comes.

00:00:37,038 --> 00:00:38,414

Who wants to tell him?

- I'll do it.

00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,583

Hey, fellas!

I'm glad you called me!

00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:42,752

There's a pie-eating contest

down at the firehouse,

00:00:42,877 --> 00:00:43,919

and I thought

we should all go!

00:00:44,045 --> 00:00:45,671

Butters, could you

take a seat, please?

00:00:45,796 --> 00:00:47,381

W-Well, sure.

00:00:48,924 --> 00:00:52,011

Butters, we have to have

a very difficult conversation.

00:00:52,136 --> 00:00:53,304

Well, what is it?

00:00:53,429 --> 00:00:55,473

Well, in the months

since our friend Kenny died,

00:00:55,598 --> 00:00:57,016

you have really stepped up

as a friend

00:00:57,141 --> 00:00:58,768

and "filled the gap,"

so to speak.

00:00:58,893 --> 00:00:59,935

Well, it's my pleasure!

00:01:00,061 --> 00:01:02,188

I love being

you guys' new friend.

00:01:02,313 --> 00:01:06,442

Yes. Well, Butters...

it's just not working out.

00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:08,486

Not working out?

00:01:08,611 --> 00:01:11,197

I'm afraid we're gonna have to

let you go as our friend.

00:01:11,322 --> 00:01:13,783

You're just too...

00:01:13,908 --> 00:01:15,826

Lame.

- Lame, yes.

00:01:15,951 --> 00:01:17,286

But I can get better.

00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:18,954

Butters, you don't really fit in

with us here.

00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:20,122

We think it's best for all of us

00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:21,665

if you look for friendship

opportunities elsewhere.

00:01:21,791 --> 00:01:23,793

But we certainly want to thank

you for all your hard work

00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:25,878

and attempts at being our

friend -- lame as they were.

00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:28,380

But I thought we were really

getting along great.

00:01:28,506 --> 00:01:30,341

I-I thought we were really

having fun together.

00:01:30,466 --> 00:01:32,551

Yes.

Well, we weren't.

00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:35,304

Please, fellas, don't fire me.

00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:37,056

We're sorry, Butters.

Our mind is made up.

00:01:37,181 --> 00:01:39,975

But we certainly want to

thank you for coming by.

00:01:40,101 --> 00:01:42,645

You know your way out, right?

00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:45,564

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:01:52,321 --> 00:01:53,239

Phew!

- Phew!

00:01:53,364 --> 00:01:54,657

He took that pretty well,

I think.

00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:55,491

Who cares?

00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:58,577

So let's get started on who's

gonna take Kenny's place.

00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:02,414

[ Thunder rumbling ]

00:02:07,169 --> 00:02:08,379

The world isn't fair.

00:02:08,504 --> 00:02:10,172

I do everything

people ask me to.

00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:12,007

I stand in the lunch lines

for them.

00:02:12,133 --> 00:02:13,509

I buy tampons at the store

for them.

00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:16,178

I go on "Maury Povich"

with balls on my chin for them.

00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:18,514

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:21,267

And yet nobody accepts me.

00:02:21,392 --> 00:02:24,270

I am an outcast...

a shadow of a man

00:02:24,395 --> 00:02:28,774

who can find no companionship,

no love from others.

00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:33,070

Fine! If I'm to be an outcast,

so be it.

00:02:33,195 --> 00:02:34,613

I'm through doing

what others tell me to do,

00:02:34,738 --> 00:02:36,282

and I am sick of this world

and the st--

00:02:36,407 --> 00:02:37,700

and the stinky people in it.

00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:40,536

From now on,

I will dedicate my life

00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:43,122

to bringing chaos to the world

that has dejected me.

00:02:43,247 --> 00:02:45,082

I will become

the greatest supervillain

00:02:45,207 --> 00:02:46,959

the world has ever seen!

00:02:47,084 --> 00:02:49,962

Where I go,

destruction will follow!

00:02:50,087 --> 00:02:52,047

[ Thunder crashing ]

00:02:52,173 --> 00:02:55,134

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:03:11,442 --> 00:03:13,319

Prepare, oh, little town.

00:03:13,444 --> 00:03:15,404

Prepare for the

greatest supervillain

00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:18,908

you have ever seen --

Professor Chaos!

00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:20,826

[ Thunder crashes ]

00:03:20,951 --> 00:03:21,660

[ Knock on door ]

00:03:21,785 --> 00:03:23,746

Butters, time for bed.

00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:26,248

Okay, Mom.

00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:28,250

Yes.

Uh, slee-- sleep for now.

00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:31,003

Tomorrow the chaos begins.

00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:32,338

[ Chuckling ]

00:03:32,463 --> 00:03:35,507

[ Laughing evilly ]

00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:42,264

All right. We want to thank

everybody for coming.

00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:43,098

This is a great turnout.

00:03:43,224 --> 00:03:45,976

Uh, as you know, our friend

Kenny died a few months ago,

00:03:46,101 --> 00:03:48,771

and we are still looking to fill

the void with a new friend.

00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:50,940

Uh, you've all been selected

as possible candidates,

00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:53,275

but unfortunately, there is

only room for one of you.

00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,653

And so Stan and Kyle and I will

be spending the next few days

00:03:55,778 --> 00:03:57,821

going out with each one of you

and narrowing our choices down

00:03:57,947 --> 00:03:59,990

until we think we've found

the perfect friend.

00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:01,700

Are there any questions?

00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:04,870

What if we don't want to be

your friend?

00:04:05,788 --> 00:04:08,040

Clyde...okay?

00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,376

Now, the first thing

we have to do

00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:12,962

is cut the list down

from 20 choices to 10.

00:04:13,087 --> 00:04:15,297

So today we will all be going

to the amusement park together

00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:16,632

to see who we want to cut.

00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:18,300

Please keep in mind

this will all be videotaped,

00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:20,219

so put on your

best friend faces,

00:04:20,344 --> 00:04:21,470

and may the best friend win.

00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:24,306

Oh, and we will be needing

a $10-per-person entrance fee.

00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:26,684

[ Birds chirping ]

00:04:26,809 --> 00:04:29,228

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:47,413

[ Indistinct conversations ]

00:04:47,538 --> 00:04:50,332

Order 23 is up,

and, uh, order 24 is up.

00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:52,001

[ Bell chimes ]

00:04:52,126 --> 00:04:54,253

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:07,016

Uh, waitress, I actually ordered

the chicken soup.

00:05:07,141 --> 00:05:07,850

This is minestrone.

00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:09,893

Yeah.

I had the minestrone over here.

00:05:10,019 --> 00:05:12,354

[ Laughing evilly ]

00:05:15,566 --> 00:05:17,026

I am Professor Chaos,

00:05:17,151 --> 00:05:20,029

and now this puny world

w-will bow down to me!

00:05:20,154 --> 00:05:22,781

[ Laughing evilly ]

00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:28,454

[ Indistinct conversations ]

00:05:28,579 --> 00:05:29,538

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,540

So today, we went

to the amusement park

00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:32,875

with all our possible friends.

00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:33,917

It was a really fun time.

00:05:34,043 --> 00:05:35,878

We rode all the rides,

and everyone got along great.

00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:39,048

I think the person that stood

out most at the amusement park was Jimmy.

00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,133

JIMMY: Well, the -- the reason

I think I would make

00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:44,553

the perfect fourth friend

is that I love telling jokes.

00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,055

You know

who doesn't like to laugh?

00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:48,140

Tweek -- Now, there's

an interesting choice.

00:05:48,265 --> 00:05:50,642

Tweek has a lot of qualities

that I look for in a friend.

00:05:50,768 --> 00:05:53,062

What if they don't pick me?

What if they get us all, man?

00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:55,272

I mean, Christ,

if they can get to the Pentagon,

00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:56,940

they can get to us all, man!

00:05:57,066 --> 00:05:57,441

Aah!

00:05:57,566 --> 00:05:59,318

I think I deserve to take

Kenny's place the most

00:05:59,443 --> 00:06:01,904

because I've been hanging around

these guys for like five years,

00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:03,655

and I never get to say

or do anything.

00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:05,991

Yeah, I've always seen that kid

in class,

00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:07,076

but he never does anything.

00:06:07,201 --> 00:06:08,243

He's more like a prop.

00:06:08,369 --> 00:06:09,078

Towelie is a tough choice,

00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:10,996

because even though I can see

how always having a towel around

00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:13,415

could come in handy,

he's just always so high.

00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:15,584

Yeah, I really hope I win

because --

00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,628

Wait.

What is this again?

00:06:17,753 --> 00:06:19,963

I have no idea what's going on.

00:06:20,089 --> 00:06:21,840

We decided to get some

one-on-one time with Jimmy

00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:22,633

and ride the log ride.

00:06:22,758 --> 00:06:24,259

The great thing was

that because Jimmy's crippled,

00:06:24,385 --> 00:06:26,762

we got to go to the front

of the line.

00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:28,931

That was definitely big points

for Jimmy, you know?

00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:31,266

But then we got to the ride

itself and...

00:06:31,392 --> 00:06:33,936

Hey, I-I'm gonna need some help

getting in the log, fellas.

00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:36,605

Oh, shut her down.

Someone needs assistance.

00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:39,024

Oh, really?

That's gonna cost some points.

00:06:39,149 --> 00:06:41,276

Right now I'd say if we're gonna

have a retard for a friend,

00:06:41,402 --> 00:06:42,611

I'd have to pick Timmy,

00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,113

because Timmy doesn't tell

lame jokes.

00:06:44,238 --> 00:06:46,949

Boy, isn't this great, fellas?

A-Are we great pals or what?

00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:47,950

One thing's for sure --

00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:50,119

Picking our new friend

isn't gonna be easy.

00:06:50,244 --> 00:06:51,537

[ Music ends ]

00:06:51,662 --> 00:06:54,790

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:06:58,919 --> 00:06:59,795

Kneel!

00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:02,798

Kneel before Professor Chaos!

00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:06,427

[ Laughing evilly ]

00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,306

[ Laughing evilly ]

00:07:11,432 --> 00:07:14,143

Oh, the look on their faces

when they got the wrong soup.

00:07:14,268 --> 00:07:16,645

I love bringing chaos!

00:07:19,982 --> 00:07:21,525

[ Laughing evilly ]

00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:23,527

And that is only the beginning.

00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:25,863

[ Laughing evilly ]

00:07:25,988 --> 00:07:28,240

[ Birds chirping ]

00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:30,325

All right, everyone.

It was a tough decision.

00:07:30,451 --> 00:07:32,661

But based on our time with you

all at the amusement park,

00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,496

we have whittled our choices

down to 10.

00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:35,831

If you receive a rose,

please stay.

00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:37,249

If you don't,

please get the fudge out.

00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:39,668

Kyle, will you announce

the people we want to stay?

00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:40,752

Token.

00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:42,754

Clyde.

00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:44,923

Craig.

00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:47,718

Timmy.

- Timmy!

00:07:47,843 --> 00:07:49,845

Oh, man, this is

too much pressure!

00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:50,762

Pip.

00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:52,931

Jimmy.

00:07:54,183 --> 00:07:55,476

Jason.

00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:57,936

Towelie.

00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:00,105

Luigi.

00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:03,775

Just one rose left, Kyle.

Who does it go to?

00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:05,903

Tweek.

00:08:06,028 --> 00:08:06,570

Aah!

00:08:06,695 --> 00:08:08,238

All right. The rest of you,

thanks for coming.

00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:09,531

Get the fudge out.

00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:10,866

[ Groaning ]

00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:13,702

I didn't make the cut?

Oh, God! I didn't make the cut?!

00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:16,038

I didn't even get a chance

to have them get to know me!

00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:18,207

Alright! Congratulations to those of you

selected to stay.

00:08:18,332 --> 00:08:21,376

In the end, one of you will be

the new Kenny.

00:08:21,502 --> 00:08:22,794

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:23,962

Good luck.

00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:30,093

Good morning, Butters.

00:08:30,219 --> 00:08:31,220

It certainly is, Mother.

00:08:31,345 --> 00:08:32,888

Did you hear about

what's been going on?

00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:34,264

Some horrible new supervillain

00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:37,434

made somebody get the wrong

soup order at Bennigan's.

00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:39,061

No.

I didn't hear about that.

00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:41,313

Y-You didn't?

00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:44,233

Dad, could -- could I see

the newspaper real quick?

00:08:44,358 --> 00:08:44,900

Well, sure, Butters.

00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:47,528

I was just about to get

some breakfast.

00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:53,033

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:57,496

Nothing.

00:08:57,913 --> 00:08:59,206

Nothing!

00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:01,166

It's the liberal media.

00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:03,418

They're keeping the stories

of my deeds covered up

00:09:03,544 --> 00:09:04,795

so as not to cause a panic.

00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:08,507

Well, then I guess it's time

to step it up a notch!

00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:12,594

[ "South Park" segue music

plays ]

00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,346

[ Birds chirping ]

00:09:14,471 --> 00:09:16,515

Okay. Next.

00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:22,020

[ "South Park" segue music

plays ]

00:09:25,774 --> 00:09:26,775

This looks pretty good.

00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,236

Yeah, it's not bad.

Next.

00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:35,033

[ "South Park" segue music

plays ]

00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:37,953

Timmy!

00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:38,954

Next.

00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:40,622

[ Bell rings ]

00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:41,957

Okay, so now we're gonna see

00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:44,459

how you all work as a friend

during class time.

00:09:44,585 --> 00:09:46,044

Your performances

will be judged primarily

00:09:46,169 --> 00:09:48,005

on how you help us cheat

and give us answers.

00:09:48,130 --> 00:09:49,131

So good luck, everybody!

00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:50,340

Sit down, boys.

00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:51,466

All righty, then.

00:09:51,592 --> 00:09:52,467

All right, children.

00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:53,302

Before we get started,

00:09:53,427 --> 00:09:56,555

has anybody seen the eraser

for the chalkboard?

00:09:58,265 --> 00:09:59,808

[ Laughs evilly ]

00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,643

It probably got knocked

on the floor somewhere.

00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,645

Can you all please just look

around your desks for it?

00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:05,939

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,484

[ Thinking ] Yes. Look around

for your precious eraser.

00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:10,485

You won't find it.

00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:11,987

That eraser is in my backyard,

00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:14,156

buried three feet below

the surface of the earth.

00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:16,325

And do you even suspect me?

No.

00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:18,702

Now we shall see how you

all like your dear chalkboard

00:10:18,827 --> 00:10:19,828

without an eraser,

00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:22,664

with information that just

keeps piling up and piling up

00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:25,000

until your minuscule brains

can take it no longer!

00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:26,668

No?

Oh, well, never mind.

00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:28,337

I've got a backup one

in the desk.

00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:29,004

Okay.

00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,173

Children, we're gonna learn

about multiplying times five.

00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:33,342

[ Thinking ] So...you

all think you can outsmart

00:10:33,467 --> 00:10:34,676

Professor Chaos, do you?

00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,678

Now, whenever we multiply

a number times five,

00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,680

the result is going to end

in a zero or five.

00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,682

Ms. Choksondik?

- What is it, Butters?

00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:43,185

Uh, I need to go to the bathroom

really bad.

00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,771

All right, Butters.

Take the bathroom pass and go.

00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,733

Okay.

So for instance, children --

00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:51,568

All right.

I'm going to the bathroom now.

00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:53,695

If anybody needs me,

that's where I'll be.

00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:55,155

Just go, Butters.

00:10:56,323 --> 00:11:00,702

Okay. So for instance,

five times one is what, Eric?

00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,120

Uh, what's the question again?

00:11:02,245 --> 00:11:04,289

Five times one.

00:11:04,748 --> 00:11:07,542

Five times one is, of course...

00:11:07,668 --> 00:11:08,960

[All ]

Five.

00:11:09,086 --> 00:11:09,544

Five!

00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:11,380

[ Laughs evilly ]

00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:14,591

The time for fun and games

is over, feebleminded fools!

00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:15,967

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:11:16,093 --> 00:11:16,760

Who are you?

00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:18,220

I am Professor Chaos,

00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,472

bringer of destruction

and maker of doom!

00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:23,058

Those who do not know me yet

shall know me very soon,

00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:26,061

for the hour of chaos

i-is at hand!

00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:29,648

[ Laughs evilly ]

00:11:30,691 --> 00:11:32,567

Hey!

That kid took my last eraser!

00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:33,735

Come back here, kid!

00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,570

Well, I-I'm back

from the bathroom.

00:11:35,696 --> 00:11:37,072

I really let one go in there.

00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,241

Butters, did you see another

little kid run out of here?

00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:40,242

Why, yes, I did.

00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:42,244

But he pushed me down,

and I scraped my elbow.

00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,663

Go on. Look at it.

It's scraped. Look.

00:11:45,706 --> 00:11:48,583

[ Thinking ] Yes. Go on and see

the red mark on my elbow --

00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:49,751

the red mark I made myself

00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:52,254

to throw you off

Professor Chaos' trail.

00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:53,255

It looks fine, Butters.

00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:55,841

Okay.

Hold on and stay here, children.

00:11:58,218 --> 00:11:59,678

[ Bell rings ]

00:11:59,803 --> 00:12:01,096

You're such a fat ass, Cartman!

00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:02,806

Oh, yeah?

Well, you're a stupid Jew!

00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:04,725

Shut up, fat ass!

00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:09,187

Oh.

Uh...you guys are dumb.

00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:12,107

Okay. Craig.

Interesting choice.

00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:13,775

Powerful stuff there, Craig.

Thank you very much.

00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:16,278

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:19,114

It is almost complete --

the creation of my minions

00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:22,451

who will assist me

in bringing terror to the world.

00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:24,369

There we go.

00:12:26,163 --> 00:12:29,291

Yes.

My minions of -- of chaos.

00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:30,709

[ Squeaking ]

00:12:30,834 --> 00:12:33,128

Shh.

Not -- Not now, my lovelies.

00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:36,214

Your time to bring d-destruction

will come very soon.

00:12:36,631 --> 00:12:37,799

Aah!

00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:40,343

Butters, a note for you was left

on the front door.

00:12:40,469 --> 00:12:41,470

A note?

- Here you go.

00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:43,680

And wash your hands

after you touch those hamsters.

00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:45,891

You'll get AIDS.

- Okay, Mom.

00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,395

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

00:12:54,483 --> 00:12:58,236

So, someone has discovered

my horrible secret.

00:12:58,361 --> 00:13:00,655

This could be a trap

set by the FBI.

00:13:00,781 --> 00:13:03,158

Oh, I'll be at the docks,

precious FBI,

00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,160

but it is I who will have

the trap set for you!

00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:07,913

Come, my minions.

We haven't much time.

00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:10,332

All right, everyone.

00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:13,335

The time has come for us

to narrow the list from 10 to 6.

00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:16,004

But first let us just say that

the people who we didn't pick

00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:19,591

were only not picked because

they totally suck balls. Kyle?

00:13:19,716 --> 00:13:20,383

[ British accent ] They're not going to pick me.

00:13:20,509 --> 00:13:21,593

I just know they're not.

00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:23,345

Oh, Jesus!

I-I can't take it!

00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:24,262

Token.

00:13:24,387 --> 00:13:25,055

All right!

00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:27,098

Timmy.

- Timmy!

00:13:27,224 --> 00:13:28,099

Tweek.

00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:30,018

Pip.

00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,728

Really?

I don't believe it!

00:13:31,853 --> 00:13:33,063

Towelie.

00:13:33,188 --> 00:13:34,022

What?

00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:35,565

Just one more rose, Kyle.

00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:36,441

Jimmy.

00:13:36,566 --> 00:13:38,401

Oh, boy!

Oh, thank God!

00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:39,736

Those with roses will move on

00:13:39,861 --> 00:13:41,613

to the swimsuit

and talent competition.

00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:44,115

The rest of you,

get the fudge out!

00:13:44,825 --> 00:13:45,909

This whole thing is stupid!

00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:47,452

You don't pick people

you want to be with

00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:48,703

by making it into a game!

00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:50,956

Ooh!

Somebody's a sore loser.

00:13:51,081 --> 00:13:53,750

Clyde, I believe I said

get the fudge out,

00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:55,377

which means kiss my fudgin' ass,

00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:58,880

go fudge yourself, fudge you,

get the fudge out, Clyde.

00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:02,384

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:10,475

Hey, Butters.

00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:11,309

Oh, hey, Dougie --

00:14:11,434 --> 00:14:13,728

Uh, I mean --

My name is Professor Chaos!

00:14:13,854 --> 00:14:15,230

I saw you change

in the school bathroom.

00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,232

You stole that eraser

in your class.

00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:18,066

Very well!

00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:19,442

You've called out

Professor Chaos,

00:14:19,568 --> 00:14:22,070

and you also called out

your own demise!

00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:23,822

Go now, my minions!

[ Squeaking ]

00:14:23,947 --> 00:14:26,074

Go and take

this foolish mortal down!

00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:28,285

Aw, minions.

Not -- Not that way.

00:14:28,410 --> 00:14:29,327

Come back, minions.

00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:31,913

I'm not trying to call you out,

Professor Chaos.

00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:34,249

I want to join you.

00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:35,083

Join me?

00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,794

Yeah, I want to join you

in your conquest of destruction.

00:14:37,919 --> 00:14:38,795

But why?

00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:39,921

I'm an outcast, too,

00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:42,007

a frail child cast aside

by society.

00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:44,926

I want to follow you in...

whatever you're doing.

00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:47,596

Very well. You shall be

my accomplice in evil.

00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:50,098

Together we shall bring

the world to its knees

00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,601

a-and make all those who

banished us from society

00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:53,435

run...wrecked.

00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,979

Do I get a neato costume

made out of aluminum foil, too?

00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:57,105

Well, sure, you do.

00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:59,608

I am professor,

and you shall be my general.

00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:02,319

From now on,

you are General...Disarray.

00:15:02,444 --> 00:15:03,445

General Disarray.

00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,113

Now let us go look

for my minions!

00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:07,532

'Cause they ran away here.

Can't find 'em.

00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:10,535

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:13,872

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,542

The swimsuit competition

really gave us a fresh look

00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:19,461

at some of the candidates.

00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,463

Well, I don't think

I did too well

00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:22,964

in the bathing-suit competition.

00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:24,883

But I can't wait

for the talent-show competition.

00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:27,385

That'll really be my chance

to s-shine.

00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:29,471

Wow.

What a terrific audience.

00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:31,640

So anyway,

a guy walks into a b...

00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:33,975

A guy walks into a b-ba...

00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:37,020

A guy walks --

A guy walks into a b-baa...

00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:40,649

[ Playing "Stairway to Heaven"

slowly, off-key ]

00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:42,359

[ Music stops ]

Okay. Wait.

00:15:42,484 --> 00:15:44,653

[ Music resumes ]

00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:47,155

[ Feedback ]

00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,240

No, no.

Wait.

00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:54,663

Next, please.

00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:56,831

W-What am I supposed to do?

00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:57,832

Anything that'll impress us,

Token.

00:15:57,958 --> 00:16:00,669

If you were our friend, how

would you keep us entertained?

00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:03,254

Uh...

Oh! I know!

00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:09,511

Very nice.

- I like it.

00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:11,513

Token was the definite winner

of the talent show.

00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:13,181

Then we decided to take

everyone to a baseball game

00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,225

to see how we got along there.

00:16:15,350 --> 00:16:16,851

[Announcer ]

There goes a hit to left field!

00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:18,186

And Foley's going to score!

00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,188

- [ Crowd cheering ]

- Yeah! Isn't this great?

00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,940

Drinks!

Get your drinks here!

00:16:22,065 --> 00:16:23,525

Yes.

Could I have some tea, please?

00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:25,193

You don't drink tea

at a baseball game,

00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:26,277

you French piece of crap!

00:16:26,403 --> 00:16:28,238

Oh. Very well.

Just some crumpets, then.

00:16:28,363 --> 00:16:30,532

All right! That does it!

Pip, get the fudge out!

00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,200

Next!

00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:34,202

Okay.

Let's try this.

00:16:35,203 --> 00:16:37,539

[ Static, frequency modulating ]

00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,040

Hey, what's wrong

with the Jumbotron?

00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:40,417

People of Earth!

00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:43,044

Your meaningless lives

are about to end!

00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:44,713

I am Professor Chaos,

00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:47,966

and this is my partner in evil,

General Disarray.

00:16:48,091 --> 00:16:50,218

In the past few days,

I have rained terror down

00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,095

upon the society

that shunned me,

00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:55,724

and now it is time

for my final labor of loathing.

00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:59,728

I am going to...flood the world!

00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:01,146

- Flood the world?

- My God!

00:17:01,271 --> 00:17:03,648

I don't want to die.

I don't want to die!

00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:04,399

Oh, yes.

00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,651

Every living creature

and every sacred building

00:17:06,776 --> 00:17:10,405

will soon be under leagues and

leagues of cold and dark water.

00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,574

And there is nothing you can do

to stop it!

00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:15,952

General Disarray,

begin the flooding of Earth!

00:17:16,077 --> 00:17:18,413

[ Squeaking ]

00:17:20,081 --> 00:17:21,666

You brought this

upon yourselves!

00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:23,918

You made the outcasts

of the w-world.

00:17:24,044 --> 00:17:27,505

Now watch -- watch as your

precious planet drowns!

00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:28,798

Watch!

00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:32,093

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:34,429

Dear Christ, who will save us?

00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,014

We have very little time

to live.

00:17:36,139 --> 00:17:39,059

How shall we spend

our last hours on Earth?

00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:41,853

Yeah!

- All right!

00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:44,606

[All cheering ]

00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:47,692

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:50,028

Our reign of terror is complete!

00:17:50,153 --> 00:17:53,698

The t-turmoil has now come

full circle!

00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:59,788

Hey, is the hose on full,

General Disarray?

00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:00,872

It's on all the way.

00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:02,165

Oh.

All right, then.

00:18:02,290 --> 00:18:04,793

N-Nothing to do now

but watch the world die!

00:18:04,918 --> 00:18:07,003

[ Laughs evilly ]

00:18:07,128 --> 00:18:09,714

[ Birds chirping ]

00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:13,551

[ Insects chirping ]

00:18:15,303 --> 00:18:17,722

Boy, this sure is taking

a long time.

00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:24,229

So how do we all feel

about Towelie as our new friend?

00:18:24,354 --> 00:18:25,313

I think Towelie is awesome.

00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,023

Towelie's cool,

but he gets stoned all the time.

00:18:27,148 --> 00:18:28,566

You can't really rely on him

for anything.

00:18:28,691 --> 00:18:30,068

Oh, this is giving me

a headache.

00:18:30,193 --> 00:18:31,027

Come on, you guys.

00:18:31,152 --> 00:18:32,487

We can't take this decision

lightly.

00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:33,988

Whoever we pick

is going to be the person

00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:35,490

we do everything with

from now on.

00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:36,699

You're right.

How about Timmy?

00:18:36,825 --> 00:18:38,243

He's quiet

and takes direction well --

00:18:38,368 --> 00:18:39,244

really the perfect friend.

00:18:39,369 --> 00:18:41,663

Yeah, but Timmy can be

really self-centered.

00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:43,998

How about Token?

Token's a smart ass.

00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:45,333

So?

You're a smart ass.

00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,085

Yeah, but do we really need

another one?

00:18:47,210 --> 00:18:48,211

Good point.

[ Door opens ]

00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:49,712

Hey, fellas,

I was just in the neighborhood,

00:18:49,838 --> 00:18:52,048

and thought I'd stop by

this g-gift basket.

00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:53,341

Oh, thanks, Jimmy.

00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,343

There's some chocolates

and I-licorice

00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:57,679

and some games and p-puzzles

inside.

00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:58,680

That's great.

- Cool.

00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:01,015

Yeah. Well, I guess I'll be

seeing y-you friends later.

00:19:01,141 --> 00:19:02,767

All right, Jimmy.

See ya.

00:19:02,892 --> 00:19:03,852

[ Door closes ]

Suck-up.

00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:06,688

[ Birds chirping ]

00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:12,694

Not long now, General Disarray,

00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:15,780

and our horrible plan

will be complete.

00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:19,784

Hey, do you think

maybe we should build a boat --

00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:21,870

you know, like a little raft

or something

00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:23,079

so that when the world floods,

00:19:23,204 --> 00:19:25,206

you and me and the minions

can live?

00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:26,583

Oh, yeah.

I hadn't thought of that.

00:19:26,708 --> 00:19:30,295

That's a pretty good idea.

I'll go get a hammer.

00:19:31,254 --> 00:19:32,380

Hey.

Who is that?

00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:35,633

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:44,601

Is this it?

- Yeah. 213. That's the one.

00:19:44,726 --> 00:19:46,561

[ Squeaking ]

00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:49,856

Hey! W-What are you doing?

00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:55,528

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:58,823

[ Tires screech ]

00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:03,411

Ah! You may have won this time,

but I will be back!

00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:04,579

What do we do now?

00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:07,081

Well, I had another idea

of how to kill the world.

00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:09,792

I thought it was almost

too horrible to even speak of.

00:20:09,918 --> 00:20:13,838

But -- But now they have left me

with no other choice!

00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:15,423

Well, this is it.

00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:16,591

We have made our final decision,

00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:19,135

and one of you is who we will be

spending our childhood with

00:20:19,260 --> 00:20:20,136

as our new friend.

00:20:20,261 --> 00:20:23,431

Oh, p-please.

Oh -- Oh, God, p-please.

00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:25,600

Four friends.

Just one rose.

00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:29,354

The moment of truth is here.

Kyle, who does the rose go to?

00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:31,940

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:33,691

[ Insects chirping ]

00:20:33,816 --> 00:20:38,029

This is it, General Disarray --

my final solution.

00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:41,157

What evil plot do you have

this time, Professor Chaos?

00:20:41,282 --> 00:20:42,283

Simple, my dear general.

00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:45,703

We are going to tear down

the earth's precious atmosphere!

00:20:45,828 --> 00:20:46,371

Oh, yes.

00:20:46,496 --> 00:20:48,456

My latest plan will melt

the polar ice caps

00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:50,291

a-and burn all the world

with the --

00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:52,877

with the sun's harmful rays.

00:20:53,002 --> 00:20:56,297

Say goodbye to your precious

ozone and hello to chaos!

00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:58,591

[ Hissing ]

00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:04,639

[ Hissing slows, stops ]

00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:05,473

[ Rattling ]

00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:08,476

Okay. Hand me another one,

General Disarray.

00:21:09,185 --> 00:21:11,562

[ Laughing evilly ]

00:21:13,273 --> 00:21:15,566

[ Laughing evilly ]

00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:20,238

MAN: Will Professor Chaos's

latest plot succeed

00:21:20,363 --> 00:21:22,156

and be the final undoing

of Earth?

00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:23,658

And which boy has been chosen

00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:25,702

to be the replacement

for Kenny?

00:21:25,827 --> 00:21:28,997

And which of these six

South Park residents was killed

00:21:29,122 --> 00:21:30,832

and will never be seen again?

00:21:30,957 --> 00:21:33,668

The answer to those questions

will be answered...

00:21:33,793 --> 00:21:34,419

right now.

00:21:34,544 --> 00:21:38,506

No. Tweek.

Ms. Choksondik.