Ждём новый фильм Терренса и Филлипа

00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:14,140

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:14,265 --> 00:00:15,641

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:18,602

♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,021

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:20,146 --> 00:00:22,064

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:25,317

♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,443 --> 00:00:27,153

♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪

00:00:27,278 --> 00:00:29,071

♪ Timmy, Timmy,

liv-a-la, Timmy! ♪

00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:32,742

♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:37,747

This is gonna be so awesome!

00:00:37,872 --> 00:00:38,789

Do we have everything?

00:00:38,914 --> 00:00:41,167

Chips, pop, cookies, Kleenex,

toilet paper, flares.

00:00:41,292 --> 00:00:42,960

We won't have to leave

the TV room for anything.

00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:44,962

All right!

- Look. It's almost time!

00:00:45,087 --> 00:00:48,466

Up next on HBC,

"The Russell Crowe Show".

00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:50,926

All right. Here we go.

00:00:51,052 --> 00:00:53,429

♪ Born in New Zealand in '64 ♪

00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,848

♪ A hotheaded actor

named Russell Crowe ♪

00:00:55,973 --> 00:00:58,309

♪ He loves to act,

but he loves one thing more ♪

00:00:58,434 --> 00:01:00,770

♪ Fightin' 'round the world ♪

00:01:00,895 --> 00:01:03,064

♪ He fights his directors,

and he fights his fans ♪

00:01:03,189 --> 00:01:04,982

♪ It's a problem

no one understands ♪

00:01:05,107 --> 00:01:07,902

♪ If there's two things

he loves, it's fighting and ♪

00:01:08,027 --> 00:01:10,446

♪ Fightin' 'round the world ♪

00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,490

♪ Making movies, making music ♪

00:01:12,615 --> 00:01:16,577

♪ And fightin' 'round

the world ♪

00:01:16,702 --> 00:01:18,204

Russell Crowe!

00:01:18,329 --> 00:01:19,955

Hello, everybody.

00:01:20,081 --> 00:01:21,248

I'm Russell Crowe,

00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:24,085

and this is

"Fightin' 'Round the World".

00:01:24,210 --> 00:01:26,087

We're gonna have

lots of fun today

00:01:26,212 --> 00:01:29,673

as we travel all around

and look for some good --

00:01:29,799 --> 00:01:33,302

Hey! What the hell do you think

you're doin'?!

00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:35,262

You walked right through

my shot, mate!

00:01:35,387 --> 00:01:36,514

Do you know who I am?!

00:01:36,639 --> 00:01:38,766

Oh, excuse me.

I was just --

00:01:38,891 --> 00:01:41,018

Goddamn smart-ass!

00:01:41,143 --> 00:01:42,061

You think you can --

00:01:42,186 --> 00:01:44,188

Shelly, we're watching that.

Go back!

00:01:44,313 --> 00:01:46,190

Shut up, turd!

I'm watching Buffy.

00:01:46,315 --> 00:01:49,110

No, Shelly.

We have to watch HBC!

00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:52,363

Get up!

Get up, you little pussy!

00:01:52,488 --> 00:01:53,489

"The Russell Crowe Show"?

00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,449

You turds don't even like

that show!

00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:56,826

It's not the show we care about.

00:01:56,951 --> 00:01:58,869

During one of the commercial

breaks of tonight's episode,

00:01:58,994 --> 00:02:00,955

they're gonna show the exclusive

never-before-seen trailer

00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:02,623

to the new

"Terrance & Phillip" movie!

00:02:02,748 --> 00:02:04,041

It's the biggest night

of the year!

00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:05,042

That's stupid!

00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:06,627

See your turdy trailer

some other time.

00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:09,130

The other kids are gonna watch

it and talk about it in school!

00:02:09,255 --> 00:02:10,131

No, turds.

00:02:10,256 --> 00:02:12,383

Shelly, did I ever tell you

how hot I think you are?

00:02:12,508 --> 00:02:13,801

Shut up, fat turd!

00:02:13,926 --> 00:02:15,678

I'm not a fat turd!

I'm a stocky turd!

00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:17,471

We're not watching this.

00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:19,265

Come on!

- Look, I apologize.

00:02:19,390 --> 00:02:20,933

But, Shelly,

it's "The Russell Crowe Show"!

00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:23,310

You said there's nothing you

love more than Russell Crowe.

00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:25,646

There is one thing I love

more than Russell Crowe,

00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:28,816

and that is seeing you unhappy,

so Buffy it is.

00:02:28,941 --> 00:02:30,526

Shelly, please let us watch!

00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:32,611

We'll do anything!

Anything!

00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:33,821

All right.

00:02:33,946 --> 00:02:36,782

I just started my period,

and I need tampons.

00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:39,410

If one of you turds go buy them

at the store for me,

00:02:39,535 --> 00:02:41,162

you can watch

your stupid turd show

00:02:41,287 --> 00:02:44,123

with your stupid turd

movie commercial in it!

00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:46,292

Okay.

Deal.

00:02:46,417 --> 00:02:50,254

And they better be here when I

come back downstairs, turds!

00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:53,841

Well, that was a lot of fun,

wasn't it, kids?

00:02:53,966 --> 00:02:56,302

But it looks like if we're

gonna get in more fights,

00:02:56,427 --> 00:02:58,137

we're gonna have to go look

for 'em!

00:02:58,262 --> 00:02:59,471

Dude, why'd you make that deal?

00:02:59,597 --> 00:03:01,557

If we're out buying tampons,

we'll miss the trailer anyway!

00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:02,474

Yeah!

00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:04,685

Well, only one of us

has to go to the store.

00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:07,021

The others can watch.

- You'd miss the new trailer?

00:03:07,146 --> 00:03:09,231

Dude, I'm not going.

- We'll have to play for it.

00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:12,026

How about if your name

is Butters, you have to go?

00:03:12,151 --> 00:03:13,819

Okay. So what's your name?

- Stan.

00:03:13,944 --> 00:03:15,779

Stan. Okay. What's your name?

- Kyle.

00:03:15,905 --> 00:03:18,199

Kyle. What's your name?

- Butters!

00:03:18,324 --> 00:03:19,450

Aw, I lose, huh?

00:03:19,575 --> 00:03:20,993

Oh, yeah, Butters, you lose.

00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:22,953

- Sorry. Tough break.

Just hurry, Butters.

00:03:23,078 --> 00:03:25,080

You can probably make it back

before the first commercial.

00:03:25,206 --> 00:03:27,958

Oh, Jesus!

I got to run like the wind!

00:03:28,083 --> 00:03:29,877

Seems like no one else here wants to fight.

00:03:30,002 --> 00:03:31,295

Dude, thank God

for stupid people.

00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:32,004

Amen.

00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:34,006

Let's ask our old friend

Tugger.

00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:36,217

Where should we go

fight people next, Tugger?

00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,053

Great idea!

00:03:39,178 --> 00:03:42,556

Tugger thinks we should go

to the faraway country of China.

00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:45,184

China's one of the oldest

civilizations on Earth,

00:03:45,309 --> 00:03:47,895

and from what I understand,

they love a good fight!

00:03:48,020 --> 00:03:49,230

So let's go!

00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:53,067

Oh, my God!

It's Russell Crowe!

00:03:53,192 --> 00:03:55,319

"Oh, my God! It's Russell Crowe!

00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:57,738

"Oh, my --

muh-bluh-bluh-bluh-bluh"!

00:03:57,863 --> 00:04:00,783

Why don't you mind your

own business, you scrotum?!

00:04:01,951 --> 00:04:04,203

♪ Making movies, making songs ♪

00:04:04,328 --> 00:04:06,038

♪ And fightin'

'round the world ♪

00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:08,165

Dude, why is this guy

always beating everybody up?

00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:10,584

♪ What a glorious day

to spend away ♪

00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:12,711

♪ Fightin' 'round the world ♪

00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:18,926

What's wrong with the colors

on your TV, Stan?

00:04:19,051 --> 00:04:20,886

They're all saturated.

- They look fine to me.

00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:24,807

Just don't mess with it,

Cartman.

00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:26,433

No, no.

The cable wire must be loose.

00:04:26,558 --> 00:04:27,518

J-Just leave it alone.

00:04:27,643 --> 00:04:29,812

Do you want to see the trailer

with messed-up colors?

00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:30,854

I don't.

00:04:30,980 --> 00:04:32,022

How's that?

00:04:32,147 --> 00:04:32,898

That's worse!

00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:34,233

Okay.

How about that?

00:04:40,239 --> 00:04:41,573

Dude!

- God damn it, Cartman!

00:04:41,699 --> 00:04:43,117

You broke it!

- It was just --

00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:45,619

I just...

Butters, you asshole!

00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:47,246

Dude, the commercials

could start any time!

00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:48,998

I don't think we're

watching them on this TV.

00:04:49,123 --> 00:04:51,250

God damn it! Come on!

We can watch it at my house!

00:04:51,375 --> 00:04:53,502

Get all the stuff!

00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,421

Hey, fellas!

I got the tampons!

00:04:55,546 --> 00:04:57,047

I didn't miss it, did I?

00:04:57,172 --> 00:04:58,590

We're going to Kyle's house

to watch!

00:04:58,716 --> 00:04:59,967

Oh, geez!

00:05:02,303 --> 00:05:03,429

Oh, geez.

Oh, geez.

00:05:03,554 --> 00:05:06,265

Hurry!

We can't miss the commercials!

00:05:09,685 --> 00:05:11,979

But the Palestinian government

00:05:12,104 --> 00:05:14,940

uh, is not going to see

any for future...

00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:18,235

Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!

00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:21,947

And so here we are

in history-rich China!

00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:23,949

We made it! It hasn't gone

to commercials yet!

00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:25,034

Whew!

00:05:25,159 --> 00:05:26,702

Hey, ima turnl bat.

00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:28,454

Oh!

Oh, my God! Oh!

00:05:28,579 --> 00:05:30,039

Ba-ba-ba-ba!

- No, Ike.

00:05:30,164 --> 00:05:31,040

They're playing the trailer

00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:32,583

to the new "Terrance & Phillip"

movie during the show,

00:05:32,708 --> 00:05:33,751

and we have to watch it!

00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:38,130

This is Tiananmen Square.

00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:41,091

Lots of good fighting has gone

on here throughout the years,

00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:46,013

including a fantastic massacre

that took place back in '93.

00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:52,519

These Chinamen can grow

to over five feet tall

00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:56,023

and in a fight are known to kick

with their legs.

00:05:56,148 --> 00:05:58,275

Let's see if we can get in

for a closer look.

00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:02,571

Oi!

00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,365

I've gotten close enough now

00:06:04,490 --> 00:06:06,992

that they're starting to get

real frightened.

00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:09,286

You can see the fine hairs

on the back of their necks

00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:11,372

standing on end.

00:06:11,497 --> 00:06:12,748

Gotcha, mate!

00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:16,835

Oh, you want to fight, huh?!

00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:19,046

Think you can take me,

you little buggers?!

00:06:26,428 --> 00:06:29,765

God. When is this gonna get

to the commercials?

00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:32,434

Kyle, Ike says

you kicked him off the TV.

00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,311

They're going to show the new

"Terrance & Phillip" trailer!

00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:36,188

You know your brother watches

"MacNeil/Lehrer Report"

00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:37,272

every night at 10:00.

00:06:37,398 --> 00:06:40,067

It has a bunny wubbit

ona night.

00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:42,361

But, Dad, this is all

the never-before-seen footage!

00:06:42,486 --> 00:06:43,362

It doesn't matter.

00:06:43,487 --> 00:06:46,156

10:00 to 11:00 is Ike's time

to watch "MacNeil/Lehrer".

00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:48,867

God damn it! Come on, guys.

We got to go to Butters' house.

00:06:48,992 --> 00:06:50,828

Aw!

00:06:50,953 --> 00:06:53,247

W-Wait, fellas.

We can't go to my house.

00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:55,457

We can't go to my house either.

It's being fumigated!

00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:56,458

Aah! Wait!

00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:58,544

Chef just got a plasma-screen TV

with surround sound.

00:06:58,669 --> 00:07:00,212

Let's go to his house!

Come on!

00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:04,049

...taken place there all

these years is sure to continue

00:07:04,174 --> 00:07:06,468

until the governments

of these regions

00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:08,220

can actually come about

some resolution...

00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:10,222

Isa birdie fly.

00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:18,856

You guys. I'm seriously.

00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:20,649

God damn it.

00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:23,277

If we miss the commercials,

I'll never forgive my brother!

00:07:23,402 --> 00:07:25,404

Oh.

Hello, there, children.

00:07:25,529 --> 00:07:26,822

Hey, Chef!

00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,782

Uh, how's it going?

00:07:29,992 --> 00:07:31,869

Oh, you wanted to see

the new TV, huh?

00:07:31,994 --> 00:07:33,287

Pretty cool, ain't it?

- Yeah, yeah.

00:07:33,412 --> 00:07:35,414

- How do you change the channels?

I don't know.

00:07:35,539 --> 00:07:37,708

This TV has more features

than a space shuttle.

00:07:37,833 --> 00:07:39,751

I can't figure it out at all.

00:07:39,877 --> 00:07:41,545

...bloomin' Taj Mahal.

- You got it! You got it!

00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:43,922

Freakin' Indies

really put up a fight!

00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:45,716

We made it!

- Oh, thank God!

00:07:45,841 --> 00:07:46,884

Russell Crowe?

00:07:47,009 --> 00:07:48,552

Children, you shouldn't be

watching a show

00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:51,221

about a man who beats people up

because he's insecure.

00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:52,931

We don't give two craps

about Russell Crowe, Chef.

00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:54,850

We just want to see the trailer

00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,810

that's supposed to play

during the commercials.

00:07:56,935 --> 00:07:57,895

All right, everyone.

00:07:58,020 --> 00:08:00,147

We're gonna take

our first commercial break.

00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:02,024

But be sure not to go anywhere,

00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:04,443

because there's lots more people

to beat up!

00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:07,237

Here they come!

- The commercials!

00:08:09,865 --> 00:08:12,868

Now back to "Russell Crowe:

Fightin' 'Round the World"!

00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,119

Aww!

00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:15,412

Aw!

They didn't play it!

00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:17,164

They didn't show the

"Terrance & Phillip" trailer.

00:08:17,289 --> 00:08:18,582

I knew they wouldn't play it

00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:19,791

during the first

commercial break.

00:08:19,917 --> 00:08:21,084

They want everyone

to stick around

00:08:21,210 --> 00:08:22,419

and watch more

of this retarded show.

00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:24,838

♪ Making movies, making songs ♪

00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:26,757

♪ And fightin'

'round the world ♪

00:08:26,882 --> 00:08:27,591

Oi!

00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:29,885

Now Tugger's brought me

to one of the greatest places

00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:33,013

for fightin' in North America --

Brooklyn, New York.

00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:34,264

Lots of minorities here,

00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:36,433

and they don't take kindly

to whitey.

00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:38,477

Let's get a closer look.

Come on, Tugger!

00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,736

Looks like we got

some black people

00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,196

and some Puerto Ricans.

00:08:49,321 --> 00:08:51,448

Notice the colorful rags

on their heads,

00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:53,325

meaning they could be

part of a gang

00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:55,786

and therefore,

real used to fightin'.

00:08:58,956 --> 00:09:01,375

Look at that guy over there.

Ain't that that "Gladiator" guy?

00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:02,209

Where?

00:09:02,334 --> 00:09:04,086

Behind that plant,

next to that tugboat.

00:09:05,921 --> 00:09:07,756

Oh, yeah.

I think it is.

00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:10,050

"Oh, my God!

It's the 'Gladiator' guy!

00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:12,636

"Oh, my God! I've never seen

an actor before!"

00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:16,473

Why don't you choke on some

pig vomit, you stupid sods?!

00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:18,600

Why can't this guy control

his temper?

00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:19,434

Well?!

00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:21,728

You all just gonna stand there

or are you gonna fight?!

00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:25,482

Oi! Crikey!

You done it now!

00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:26,984

This TV is great, Chef.

00:09:27,109 --> 00:09:29,403

Yeah, and it's got all kinds

of cool features, too.

00:09:29,528 --> 00:09:30,612

Check this out.

00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:32,447

You can watch three channels

all at once.

00:09:32,573 --> 00:09:34,449

I think if you hit

this button here --

00:09:34,575 --> 00:09:35,450

No. No.

Wait.

00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:37,202

You hit this button here.

00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:39,246

No. That's not it.

Let's see.

00:09:39,371 --> 00:09:41,373

"Menu"...

"Function"...

00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:43,542

Put it back, Chef.

More commercials might come on.

00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:45,669

Let's see. "Menu."

Aw, damn it.

00:09:45,794 --> 00:09:48,088

Get it back to normal, Chef!

- I'm trying, children!

00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:49,631

"Menu", "back", "function",

"enter"...

00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:52,509

No. No. Back!

"H.E.M."!

00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:55,887

Human eradication

mode active.

00:10:07,065 --> 00:10:09,359

Oh, God damn it!

- The TV left!

00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:11,361

But the next commercials

will be on soon!

00:10:11,486 --> 00:10:13,572

Come on!

We got to go somewhere else!

00:10:16,617 --> 00:10:17,534

Oh, my God!

00:10:20,329 --> 00:10:21,580

Where do we go?

Where do we go?

00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:24,041

The bar!

They've got a TV at the bar!

00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:27,419

Aah! Aah!

00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:28,837

I'm dying!

00:10:34,509 --> 00:10:38,138

You fight like Norwegians,

you fairies!

00:10:38,263 --> 00:10:39,431

Phew!

00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:41,099

We made it.

- This is killing me.

00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:43,560

The human body was not meant

to move quickly like that.

00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:45,312

These are the Florida Keys,

00:10:45,437 --> 00:10:48,231

a remote island chain

just a few miles from --

00:10:48,357 --> 00:10:50,150

Oi!

Wait a minute!

00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:52,611

Wasn't I just in Brooklyn

fighting minorities?

00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:53,987

What happened with that?!

00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:57,157

It's that goddamn editor!

00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:59,451

He cut the Brooklyn scene

short!

00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:02,037

Tugger, I'm gonna get him!

00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:05,082

Yeah, I'm just working.

00:11:05,207 --> 00:11:06,875

I'll probably be done

around 7:00.

00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:10,962

Who the hell

do you think you are?!

00:11:11,088 --> 00:11:12,047

I'm the editor.

00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,674

I know you're

the bloomin' editor!

00:11:13,799 --> 00:11:15,175

I mean who do you think you are

00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:17,636

cuttin' one

of my fightin' scenes short?!

00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:19,346

Dude, the director said

to cut it!

00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:20,889

My fightin' is poetry!

00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:24,393

You don't edit Russell Crowe's

poetry, you testicle!

00:11:28,939 --> 00:11:30,816

Well, that guy

is just plain nuts.

00:11:30,941 --> 00:11:32,484

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Whoa!

00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:34,069

You kids can't be in here!

00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:35,862

We're not kids.

00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:37,489

We're full-grown men

with dwarfism!

00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:39,533

How dare you assume

that all midgets are children!

00:11:39,658 --> 00:11:40,742

We demand an apology!

00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:43,245

You ain't midgets.

Your lips are too full.

00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:45,497

Now, get out!

00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:47,374

We have to watch the commercials

in this show!

00:11:47,499 --> 00:11:50,252

Look, this is a bar.

We can't have children in here.

00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:52,754

People come here for debauchery

and sin.

00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:54,756

Butters will give hand jobs

in the corner for a dollar.

00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:57,217

Sure!

I'm good at all kinds of jobs.

00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:58,719

Get out!

00:12:00,137 --> 00:12:00,846

- Aah!

- Aah!

00:12:00,971 --> 00:12:02,514

Come on!

We got to get to a TV!

00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:04,725

Oh, you've got to be kidding me!

00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:18,029

Yes.

Is this customer service?

00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:20,157

I'm having a problem

with my new television.

00:12:20,282 --> 00:12:21,324

It sprouted laser guns

00:12:21,450 --> 00:12:23,243

and started walking around

shooting people.

00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:25,412

Uh-huh.

Okay.

00:12:25,537 --> 00:12:28,540

Oh! So I press "menu"

then "function"?

00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:32,043

Jesus!

00:12:32,169 --> 00:12:33,837

No, that didn't work.

00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:37,758

Did I set the internal clock?

Uh, no.

00:12:37,883 --> 00:12:40,677

Oh, really?

Well, how do I do that?

00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:52,564

Oi!

00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:53,857

We're not too late!

00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:57,903

Come on, Tugger, old mate.

Why are you looking so down?

00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:02,199

Tugger's in a bit

of a sad state.

00:13:02,324 --> 00:13:05,494

Seems his girlfriend and him

had a bit of a row last night.

00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:10,081

What is this?

00:13:10,207 --> 00:13:11,958

Come on.

Cheer up, Tugger.

00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:13,710

How can I make you feel better?

00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:15,045

I know!

00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:17,297

How would you like me to sing

one of the songs

00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:18,965

off me new album?

00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:22,260

What's that, Tugger?

00:13:22,385 --> 00:13:25,263

You say you really love

the songs on my album?

00:13:27,224 --> 00:13:28,934

All right, then, Tugger!

00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:33,396

♪ You know that you're my baby ♪

00:13:33,522 --> 00:13:35,148

♪ You know I need you now ♪

00:13:35,273 --> 00:13:37,609

♪ Don't know where I'm goin' ♪

00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:39,110

♪ I got to get there somehow ♪

00:13:39,236 --> 00:13:41,196

♪ Yeah, I got to get there

somehow ♪

00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:45,700

♪ Got to get there somehow ♪

00:13:48,370 --> 00:13:50,247

♪ You can stay awake tonight ♪

00:13:50,372 --> 00:13:54,209

♪ But I'm gonna sleep

in these fluffy clouds ♪

00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:55,168

Shout!

00:13:55,293 --> 00:13:57,295

♪ I think I feel

your heartbeat ♪

00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:59,506

♪ Can you feel mine? ♪

00:13:59,631 --> 00:14:02,801

♪ Lady looking lovely,

got to take your love inside ♪

00:14:02,926 --> 00:14:04,010

♪ I got to take it -- ♪

00:14:06,137 --> 00:14:07,138

Tugger!

00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:12,310

Tugger shot himself!

00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:14,062

Has Russell lost Tugger

for good?

00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:16,064

Find out after these messages.

00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:17,899

Here we go!

00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:20,068

Commercial break number two!

00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:27,200

Now back to "Russell Crowe:

Fightin' 'Round the World"!

00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:29,119

That's it?

That's all the commercials?

00:14:29,244 --> 00:14:31,329

They didn't play the "Terrance

& Phillip" trailer again!

00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:34,124

I knew it! They're waiting until

the very last commercial break!

00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:35,166

We're gonna end up watching

00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:36,751

this whole retarded

Russell Crowe show.

00:14:38,962 --> 00:14:40,046

Tugger!

00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:43,425

Why'd you do it, Tugger?

00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,927

Doctor!

Tell me how he is, Doctor!

00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:47,762

Well, he's a very sick

little tugboat.

00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:48,805

What is this?

00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:50,932

We want to watch

"Puppies From Around the World".

00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:52,684

Yeah.

We don't like this show.

00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:53,685

Shh!

Okay?!

00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:55,812

Old people need to be quiet

right now.

00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:57,898

You got to save him, Doc!

00:14:58,023 --> 00:15:00,191

Tugger -- He's my best friend!

00:15:00,317 --> 00:15:02,068

The only friend in the world

who --

00:15:02,193 --> 00:15:04,154

H-He's going to live, but --

- Oi!

00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:06,656

Don't you interrupt me,

you vagina!

00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:08,700

I was giving

a heart-wrenching soliloquy

00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:10,452

about me feelings for Tugger!

00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:11,620

Sorry.

00:15:11,745 --> 00:15:12,996

Oh, Tugger!

00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:16,333

Tugger, the world wouldn't be

as bright without you, mate!

00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:18,043

Give it to me straight, Doctor!

00:15:18,168 --> 00:15:21,171

Will Tugger live?

Tell me the truth!

00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:23,548

Now?

- Yes. Now is fine.

00:15:23,673 --> 00:15:26,051

Oh. Uh, your tugboat's

going to be okay.

00:15:26,176 --> 00:15:29,137

He just needs an oil change

and a new steam stack.

00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,890

Oodalolly!

You hear that, everybody?

00:15:32,015 --> 00:15:33,892

Tugger's gonna be okay!

00:15:34,017 --> 00:15:36,853

You know what that makes me

feel like doin'?

00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:38,229

Fightin'!

00:15:38,355 --> 00:15:39,439

Aah!

00:15:39,564 --> 00:15:41,566

- Oh!

00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:44,027

This show is too violent!

Put the puppies back on!

00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:45,445

Yeah!

- Puppies!

00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:47,530

Shut up!

Shut the hell up!

00:15:47,656 --> 00:15:49,407

We're watching this

until the next commercial,

00:15:49,532 --> 00:15:50,951

and that's final, old people!

00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:53,620

All right! That does it!

We know how to get our way!

00:15:53,745 --> 00:15:56,748

Everyone, on the count of three,

release your bowels!

00:15:56,873 --> 00:15:58,500

One, two...

00:16:02,045 --> 00:16:03,338

Aww!!

00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:05,256

Oh, God!

It's horrible!

00:16:05,382 --> 00:16:07,217

That's disgusting, dude!

00:16:07,342 --> 00:16:08,593

God, I hate old people!

00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:10,136

We have to go to Butters'

or Cartman's house.

00:16:10,261 --> 00:16:11,137

We have nowhere else to go!

00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:13,264

I told you --

We can't go to my house!

00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:14,849

And my house is being fumigated!

00:16:14,975 --> 00:16:18,019

We'll watch in your house

even if it is being fumigated!

00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:19,479

Oh -- Oh, boy!

We got to hurry, guys!

00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:20,730

Hurry! Hurry!

00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:22,315

Come on, you guys!

00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,322

Turn it on! Turn it on!

00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:32,742

Crikey! Ol' Tugger looks

healthy, happy, and...

00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:34,869

...fit as a whistle!

00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:36,955

It's okay.

It's still the show.

00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,499

But, you know,

Tugger's attempted suicide

00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:42,711

has made me realize

that I should take up a cause.

00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:44,879

Most great actors

take up causes,

00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:46,756

and I'm the greatest

of them all!

00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:50,427

So from now on, I'm gonna

spend all my spare time

00:16:50,552 --> 00:16:52,512

fighting cancer.

00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:53,346

Right!

00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:56,725

Where is that pussy cancer,

anyway?!

00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:57,892

Oh, dude,

00:16:58,018 --> 00:16:59,477

I don't know how long

I can take it.

00:16:59,602 --> 00:17:00,311

Me neither.

00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:01,855

I'll be dead

before the commercials.

00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:02,856

Wait a minute!

I forgot!

00:17:02,981 --> 00:17:04,691

There's a black-and-white

television back at my house!

00:17:04,816 --> 00:17:05,859

Will your sister let us

watch it?

00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:07,527

She has to!

00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:10,572

Hurry! The commercial's

gonna be on any minute!

00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:14,534

Oh, God! Oh, God!

00:17:14,659 --> 00:17:15,952

Oh, Jesus, help me!

00:17:16,077 --> 00:17:17,537

Oh!

Oh, I've lost a doughnut!

00:17:17,662 --> 00:17:19,664

Aah! Aah! Aah!

00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:22,834

Oh, my God!

Leave no doughnut behind!

00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:26,504

Oh, Jesus! Wait!

- What?

00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:28,131

I never gave Shelly her tampons!

00:17:28,256 --> 00:17:30,508

She's been this whole time

without them.

00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:33,887

Aah!

00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:46,357

I told you I needed tampons,

turds!

00:17:46,483 --> 00:17:47,525

Look!

00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:49,694

Crack addicts with a television!

00:17:56,242 --> 00:18:01,039

Well, we couldn't find cancer,

but we found a man with cancer.

00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:03,958

Take that, cancer!

00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:05,001

And that!

00:18:07,295 --> 00:18:10,340

The last commercial break

has to be coming any second!

00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:12,342

Aah!

00:18:12,467 --> 00:18:14,135

Aah!

- Aah!

00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:20,225

Yes, I pressed "menu"

three times.

00:18:20,350 --> 00:18:22,811

No. It's giving me

the same error message!

00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:25,105

Yes, I read

the instruction manual.

00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:27,357

Where do we go?!

00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:28,650

Oh, Jesus.

Now where do we go?!

00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:29,692

We've tried everywhere!

00:18:29,818 --> 00:18:31,820

Butters, are you absolutely sure

we can't go to your house?

00:18:31,945 --> 00:18:33,321

I'm sure.

There's no way!

00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:34,739

Why not?

- Because!

00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:38,284

My parents are out of town,

and I don't have a babysitter!

00:18:39,494 --> 00:18:41,329

Oh, God damn it,

you'd better be kidding.

00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:43,248

No! I really don't have

a babysitter.

00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:45,083

That's why I'm staying

at Stan's.

00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:47,418

This whole time, your TV is

in a house with nobody in it?!

00:18:47,544 --> 00:18:50,338

Come on! Let's just go!

We'll kill Butters later!

00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:55,468

Turn it on!

Turn it on! Turn it on!

00:18:55,593 --> 00:18:58,847

And so we'll be right back

after these commercials.

00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:00,014

We made it!

00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:03,226

The last commercial break

is starting!

00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:05,812

Don't go anywhere.

00:19:05,937 --> 00:19:09,482

Russell Crowe will be right back

after a few more commercials!

00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:13,361

These commercials

are all so Goddamn stupid!

00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,780

Jesus Christ! How long is this

commercial break gonna be?

00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:17,824

What if they don't show the "Terrance & Phillip"

trailer at all?

00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:19,242

What if we went through all this

for nothing?

00:19:19,367 --> 00:19:21,703

They have to show it!

They promised they would!

00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:22,704

You guys, calm down.

00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:23,997

This is what TV shows

always do.

00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:25,999

They make the last

commercial break the longest.

00:19:26,124 --> 00:19:28,001

That's bullcrap!

TV shows are gay!

00:19:28,126 --> 00:19:29,586

Wait a minute!

Look!

00:19:29,711 --> 00:19:32,297

"The following preview is --"

This is it! This is it!

00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:33,923

Coming this summer,

00:19:34,048 --> 00:19:37,468

the greatest Canadian duo

of all time is back.

00:20:11,878 --> 00:20:14,255

Whoo-hoo!

- Yeah!

00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:16,424

That looks awesome!

- They were wearing cowboy hats!

00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:17,508

Did you see?!

Did you see?!

00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:18,635

Clyde! Clyde!

Did you see it?!

00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,261

Yeah! Oh, we think

it's gonna be good, too!

00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:21,763

I'm so glad we didn't miss it!

00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:24,182

You guys, Clyde said he taped it

and kids can come over to see!

00:20:24,307 --> 00:20:25,225

Oh, dude, let's go!

00:20:25,350 --> 00:20:26,684

It looks even better

than their first movie!

00:20:26,809 --> 00:20:27,685

Yeah, it sure does!

00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:28,937

I wonder if it's all a Western!

00:20:29,062 --> 00:20:30,980

How far away is June?

00:20:31,105 --> 00:20:33,942

Well, we sure had a good time

today, didn't we, kids?

00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:36,319

We fought some Chinamen,

a few Packers,

00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:39,280

and a lot of Colombians,

to name just a few.

00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:43,284

But I sure am glad we got

old Wally B. Back, aren't you?

00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:45,787

I'm glad to be back, Russell!

00:20:47,288 --> 00:20:48,790

Oh, my God.

It's Russell Crowe!

00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:51,042

"Oh, my God!

It's Russell Crowe!

00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:52,919

Oh, my --

bluh-bluh-bluh"!

00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:55,421

Why don't you go flush yourself

down a toilet, you c--

00:20:57,966 --> 00:21:00,260

Uh-oh. Tugger's whistle.

00:21:00,385 --> 00:21:02,136

You know what that means.

00:21:02,262 --> 00:21:04,430

♪ Tugger's whistle's blowin' ♪

00:21:04,555 --> 00:21:06,599

♪ Means we must be goin' ♪

00:21:06,724 --> 00:21:10,687

♪ No more Russell Crowein'

for you ♪

00:21:10,812 --> 00:21:12,939

♪ But now,

don't you start to whine ♪

00:21:13,064 --> 00:21:15,108

♪ I'll see you again next time ♪

00:21:15,233 --> 00:21:19,279

♪ 'Cause there's plenty more

a-fightin' left to do ♪

00:21:19,404 --> 00:21:21,781

♪ Making movies, making songs ♪

00:21:21,906 --> 00:21:25,451

♪ And fightin'

'round the world ♪

00:21:25,576 --> 00:21:27,245

See you next time, everybody!

00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:34,627

So I'm supposed to press "menu,"

then "function," then "enter."

00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:14,140

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:14,265 --> 00:00:15,641

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:18,602

♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,021

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:20,146 --> 00:00:22,064

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:25,317

♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,443 --> 00:00:27,153

♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪

00:00:27,278 --> 00:00:29,071

♪ Timmy, Timmy,

liv-a-la, Timmy! ♪

00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:32,742

♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:37,747

This is gonna be so awesome!

00:00:37,872 --> 00:00:38,789

Do we have everything?

00:00:38,914 --> 00:00:41,167

Chips, pop, cookies, Kleenex,

toilet paper, flares.

00:00:41,292 --> 00:00:42,960

We won't have to leave

the TV room for anything.

00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:44,962

All right!

- Look. It's almost time!

00:00:45,087 --> 00:00:48,466

[Announcer ] Up next on HBC,

"The Russell Crowe Show".

00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:50,926

All right. Here we go.

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

00:00:51,052 --> 00:00:53,429

♪ Born in New Zealand in '64 ♪

00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,848

♪ A hotheaded actor

named Russell Crowe ♪

00:00:55,973 --> 00:00:58,309

♪ He loves to act,

but he loves one thing more ♪

00:00:58,434 --> 00:01:00,770

♪ Fightin' 'round the world ♪

00:01:00,895 --> 00:01:03,064

♪ He fights his directors,

and he fights his fans ♪

00:01:03,189 --> 00:01:04,982

♪ It's a problem

no one understands ♪

00:01:05,107 --> 00:01:07,902

♪ If there's two things

he loves, it's fighting and ♪

00:01:08,027 --> 00:01:10,446

♪ Fightin' 'round the world ♪

00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,490

♪ Making movies, making music ♪

00:01:12,615 --> 00:01:16,577

♪ And fightin' 'round

the world ♪

00:01:16,702 --> 00:01:18,204

Russell Crowe!

00:01:18,329 --> 00:01:19,955

[Australian accent ]

Hello, everybody.

00:01:20,081 --> 00:01:21,248

I'm Russell Crowe,

00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:24,085

and this is

"Fightin' 'Round the World".

00:01:24,210 --> 00:01:26,087

We're gonna have

lots of fun today

00:01:26,212 --> 00:01:29,673

as we travel all around

and look for some good --

00:01:29,799 --> 00:01:33,302

Hey! What the hell do you think

you're doin'?!

00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:35,262

You walked right through

my shot, mate!

00:01:35,387 --> 00:01:36,514

Do you know who I am?!

00:01:36,639 --> 00:01:38,766

Oh, excuse me.

I was just --

00:01:38,891 --> 00:01:41,018

[ Russell Crowe ]

Goddamn smart-ass!

00:01:41,143 --> 00:01:42,061

You think you can --

00:01:42,186 --> 00:01:44,188

Shelly, we're watching that.

Go back!

00:01:44,313 --> 00:01:46,190

Shut up, turd!

I'm watching Buffy.

00:01:46,315 --> 00:01:49,110

No, Shelly.

We have to watch HBC!

00:01:49,235 --> 00:01:50,194

[ Grunts ]

00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:52,363

Get up!

Get up, you little pussy!

00:01:52,488 --> 00:01:53,489

"The Russell Crowe Show"?

00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,449

You turds don't even like

that show!

00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:56,826

It's not the show we care about.

00:01:56,951 --> 00:01:58,869

During one of the commercial

breaks of tonight's episode,

00:01:58,994 --> 00:02:00,955

they're gonna show the exclusive

never-before-seen trailer

00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:02,623

to the new

"Terrance & Phillip" movie!

00:02:02,748 --> 00:02:04,041

It's the biggest night

of the year!

00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:05,042

That's stupid!

00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:06,627

See your turdy trailer

some other time.

00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:09,130

The other kids are gonna watch

it and talk about it in school!

00:02:09,255 --> 00:02:10,131

No, turds.

00:02:10,256 --> 00:02:12,383

Shelly, did I ever tell you

how hot I think you are?

00:02:12,508 --> 00:02:13,801

Shut up, fat turd!

00:02:13,926 --> 00:02:15,678

I'm not a fat turd!

I'm a stocky turd!

00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:17,471

We're not watching this.

00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:19,265

Come on!

- Look, I apologize.

00:02:19,390 --> 00:02:20,933

But, Shelly,

it's "The Russell Crowe Show"!

00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:23,310

You said there's nothing you

love more than Russell Crowe.

00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:25,646

There is one thing I love

more than Russell Crowe,

00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:28,816

and that is seeing you unhappy,

so Buffy it is.

00:02:28,941 --> 00:02:30,526

Shelly, please let us watch!

00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:32,611

We'll do anything!

Anything!

00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:33,821

All right.

00:02:33,946 --> 00:02:36,782

I just started my period,

and I need tampons.

00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:39,410

If one of you turds go buy them

at the store for me,

00:02:39,535 --> 00:02:41,162

you can watch

your stupid turd show

00:02:41,287 --> 00:02:44,123

with your stupid turd

movie commercial in it!

00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:46,292

Okay.

Deal.

00:02:46,417 --> 00:02:50,254

And they better be here when I

come back downstairs, turds!

00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:53,841

Well, that was a lot of fun,

wasn't it, kids?

00:02:53,966 --> 00:02:56,302

But it looks like if we're

gonna get in more fights,

00:02:56,427 --> 00:02:58,137

we're gonna have to go look

for 'em!

00:02:58,262 --> 00:02:59,471

Dude, why'd you make that deal?

00:02:59,597 --> 00:03:01,557

If we're out buying tampons,

we'll miss the trailer anyway!

00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:02,474

Yeah!

00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:04,685

Well, only one of us

has to go to the store.

00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:07,021

The others can watch.

- You'd miss the new trailer?

00:03:07,146 --> 00:03:09,231

Dude, I'm not going.

- We'll have to play for it.

00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:12,026

How about if your name

is Butters, you have to go?

00:03:12,151 --> 00:03:13,819

Okay. So what's your name?

- Stan.

00:03:13,944 --> 00:03:15,779

Stan. Okay. What's your name?

- Kyle.

00:03:15,905 --> 00:03:18,199

Kyle. What's your name?

- Butters!

00:03:18,324 --> 00:03:19,450

Aw, I lose, huh?

00:03:19,575 --> 00:03:20,993

Oh, yeah, Butters, you lose.

00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:22,953

- Sorry. Tough break.

Just hurry, Butters.

00:03:23,078 --> 00:03:25,080

You can probably make it back

before the first commercial.

00:03:25,206 --> 00:03:27,958

Oh, Jesus!

I got to run like the wind!

00:03:28,083 --> 00:03:29,877

[ Russell Crowe ]

Seems like no one else here wants to fight.

00:03:30,002 --> 00:03:31,295

Dude, thank God

for stupid people.

00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:32,004

Amen.

00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:34,006

Let's ask our old friend

Tugger.

00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:36,217

Where should we go

fight people next, Tugger?

00:03:36,342 --> 00:03:37,593

[ Horn toots ]

00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,053

Great idea!

00:03:39,178 --> 00:03:42,556

Tugger thinks we should go

to the faraway country of China.

00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:45,184

China's one of the oldest

civilizations on Earth,

00:03:45,309 --> 00:03:47,895

and from what I understand,

they love a good fight!

00:03:48,020 --> 00:03:49,230

So let's go!

00:03:49,355 --> 00:03:50,940

[ Horn tooting ]

00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:53,067

Oh, my God!

It's Russell Crowe!

00:03:53,192 --> 00:03:55,319

[ Mockingly ]

"Oh, my God! It's Russell Crowe!

00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:57,738

"Oh, my --

muh-bluh-bluh-bluh-bluh"!

00:03:57,863 --> 00:04:00,783

Why don't you mind your

own business, you scrotum?!

00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:01,825

[ Grunts ]

00:04:01,951 --> 00:04:04,203

♪ Making movies, making songs ♪

00:04:04,328 --> 00:04:06,038

♪ And fightin'

'round the world ♪

00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:08,165

Dude, why is this guy

always beating everybody up?

00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:10,584

♪ What a glorious day

to spend away ♪

00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:12,711

♪ Fightin' 'round the world ♪

00:04:12,836 --> 00:04:15,130

[ Whistling ]

00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:18,926

What's wrong with the colors

on your TV, Stan?

00:04:19,051 --> 00:04:20,886

They're all saturated.

- They look fine to me.

00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:23,472

[ Whistling ]

00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:24,807

Just don't mess with it,

Cartman.

00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:26,433

No, no.

The cable wire must be loose.

00:04:26,558 --> 00:04:27,518

J-Just leave it alone.

00:04:27,643 --> 00:04:29,812

Do you want to see the trailer

with messed-up colors?

00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:30,854

I don't.

00:04:30,980 --> 00:04:32,022

How's that?

[ Static ]

00:04:32,147 --> 00:04:32,898

That's worse!

00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:34,233

Okay.

How about that?

00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:36,527

[ Crackling, explosion ]

00:04:40,239 --> 00:04:41,573

Dude!

- God damn it, Cartman!

00:04:41,699 --> 00:04:43,117

You broke it!

- It was just --

00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:45,619

I just...

Butters, you asshole!

00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:47,246

Dude, the commercials

could start any time!

00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:48,998

I don't think we're

watching them on this TV.

00:04:49,123 --> 00:04:51,250

God damn it! Come on!

We can watch it at my house!

00:04:51,375 --> 00:04:53,502

Get all the stuff!

00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,421

Hey, fellas!

I got the tampons!

00:04:55,546 --> 00:04:57,047

I didn't miss it, did I?

00:04:57,172 --> 00:04:58,590

We're going to Kyle's house

to watch!

00:04:58,716 --> 00:04:59,967

Oh, geez!

00:05:00,092 --> 00:05:02,177

[ Breathing heavily ]

00:05:02,303 --> 00:05:03,429

Oh, geez.

Oh, geez.

00:05:03,554 --> 00:05:06,265

Hurry!

We can't miss the commercials!

00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:09,560

[ Gasping ]

00:05:09,685 --> 00:05:11,979

[ TV ]

But the Palestinian government

00:05:12,104 --> 00:05:14,940

uh, is not going to see

any for future...

00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:16,358

[ Breathing heavily ]

00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:18,235

Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!

00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:21,947

And so here we are

in history-rich China!

00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:23,949

We made it! It hasn't gone

to commercials yet!

00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:25,034

[All ]

- Whew!

00:05:25,159 --> 00:05:26,702

Hey, ima turnl bat.

00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:28,454

Oh!

Oh, my God! Oh!

00:05:28,579 --> 00:05:30,039

Ba-ba-ba-ba!

- No, Ike.

00:05:30,164 --> 00:05:31,040

They're playing the trailer

00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:32,583

to the new "Terrance & Phillip"

movie during the show,

00:05:32,708 --> 00:05:33,751

and we have to watch it!

00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:38,130

This is Tiananmen Square.

00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:41,091

Lots of good fighting has gone

on here throughout the years,

00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:46,013

including a fantastic massacre

that took place back in '93.

00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,141

[ Speaking indistinctly ]

00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:52,519

These Chinamen can grow

to over five feet tall

00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:56,023

and in a fight are known to kick

with their legs.

00:05:56,148 --> 00:05:58,275

Let's see if we can get in

for a closer look.

00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:00,611

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:02,571

Oi!

00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,365

I've gotten close enough now

00:06:04,490 --> 00:06:06,992

that they're starting to get

real frightened.

00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:09,286

You can see the fine hairs

on the back of their necks

00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:11,372

standing on end.

00:06:11,497 --> 00:06:12,748

Gotcha, mate!

00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:15,292

[ Shouting in Chinese ]

00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:16,835

Oh, you want to fight, huh?!

00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:19,046

Think you can take me,

you little buggers?!

00:06:19,171 --> 00:06:20,672

[ Grunts ]

00:06:20,798 --> 00:06:22,007

[ Speaking Chinese ]

00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:24,635

[ Indistinct shouting ]

00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:26,303

[ Whistle blows ]

00:06:26,428 --> 00:06:29,765

God. When is this gonna get

to the commercials?

00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:32,434

Kyle, Ike says

you kicked him off the TV.

00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,311

They're going to show the new

"Terrance & Phillip" trailer!

00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:36,188

You know your brother watches

"MacNeil/Lehrer Report"

00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:37,272

every night at 10:00.

00:06:37,398 --> 00:06:40,067

It has a bunny wubbit

ona night.

00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:42,361

But, Dad, this is all

the never-before-seen footage!

00:06:42,486 --> 00:06:43,362

It doesn't matter.

00:06:43,487 --> 00:06:46,156

10:00 to 11:00 is Ike's time

to watch "MacNeil/Lehrer".

00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:48,867

God damn it! Come on, guys.

We got to go to Butters' house.

00:06:48,992 --> 00:06:50,828

- Aw!

- [ Groans ]

00:06:50,953 --> 00:06:53,247

W-Wait, fellas.

We can't go to my house.

00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:55,457

We can't go to my house either.

It's being fumigated!

00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:56,458

Aah! Wait!

00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:58,544

Chef just got a plasma-screen TV

with surround sound.

00:06:58,669 --> 00:07:00,212

Let's go to his house!

Come on!

00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:04,049

[ TV]...taken place there all

these years is sure to continue

00:07:04,174 --> 00:07:06,468

until the governments

of these regions

00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:08,220

can actually come about

some resolution...

00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:10,222

Isa birdie fly.

00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:14,017

[ Breathing heavily ]

00:07:14,143 --> 00:07:15,602

[ Insects chirping ]

00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:18,856

[ Grunts ]

You guys. I'm seriously.

00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:20,649

God damn it.

00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:23,277

If we miss the commercials,

I'll never forgive my brother!

00:07:23,402 --> 00:07:25,404

Oh.

Hello, there, children.

00:07:25,529 --> 00:07:26,822

[All ]

Hey, Chef!

00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,782

Uh, how's it going?

00:07:28,907 --> 00:07:29,867

[ Remote beeping ]

00:07:29,992 --> 00:07:31,869

Oh, you wanted to see

the new TV, huh?

00:07:31,994 --> 00:07:33,287

Pretty cool, ain't it?

- Yeah, yeah.

00:07:33,412 --> 00:07:35,414

- How do you change the channels?

I don't know.

00:07:35,539 --> 00:07:37,708

This TV has more features

than a space shuttle.

00:07:37,833 --> 00:07:39,751

I can't figure it out at all.

00:07:39,877 --> 00:07:41,545

...bloomin' Taj Mahal.

- You got it! You got it!

00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:43,922

Freakin' Indies

really put up a fight!

00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:45,716

We made it!

- Oh, thank God!

00:07:45,841 --> 00:07:46,884

Russell Crowe?

00:07:47,009 --> 00:07:48,552

Children, you shouldn't be

watching a show

00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:51,221

about a man who beats people up

because he's insecure.

00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:52,931

We don't give two craps

about Russell Crowe, Chef.

00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:54,850

We just want to see the trailer

00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,810

that's supposed to play

during the commercials.

00:07:56,935 --> 00:07:57,895

All right, everyone.

00:07:58,020 --> 00:08:00,147

We're gonna take

our first commercial break.

00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:02,024

But be sure not to go anywhere,

00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:04,443

because there's lots more people

to beat up!

00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:07,237

Here they come!

- The commercials!

00:08:09,865 --> 00:08:12,868

[ TV ] Now back to "Russell Crowe:

Fightin' 'Round the World"!

00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,119

[All ]

Aww!

00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:15,412

Aw!

They didn't play it!

00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:17,164

They didn't show the

"Terrance & Phillip" trailer.

00:08:17,289 --> 00:08:18,582

I knew they wouldn't play it

00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:19,791

during the first

commercial break.

00:08:19,917 --> 00:08:21,084

They want everyone

to stick around

00:08:21,210 --> 00:08:22,419

and watch more

of this retarded show.

00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:24,838

♪ Making movies, making songs ♪

00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:26,757

♪ And fightin'

'round the world ♪

00:08:26,882 --> 00:08:27,591

Oi!

00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:29,885

Now Tugger's brought me

to one of the greatest places

00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:33,013

for fightin' in North America --

Brooklyn, New York.

00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:34,264

Lots of minorities here,

00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:36,433

and they don't take kindly

to whitey.

00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:38,477

Let's get a closer look.

Come on, Tugger!

00:08:38,602 --> 00:08:40,812

[ Horn toots ]

00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,736

Looks like we got

some black people

00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,196

and some Puerto Ricans.

00:08:49,321 --> 00:08:51,448

Notice the colorful rags

on their heads,

00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:53,325

meaning they could be

part of a gang

00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:55,786

and therefore,

real used to fightin'.

00:08:58,956 --> 00:09:01,375

Look at that guy over there.

Ain't that that "Gladiator" guy?

00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:02,209

Where?

00:09:02,334 --> 00:09:04,086

Behind that plant,

next to that tugboat.

00:09:05,921 --> 00:09:07,756

Oh, yeah.

I think it is.

00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:10,050

[ Mockingly ] "Oh, my God!

It's the 'Gladiator' guy!

00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:12,636

"Oh, my God! I've never seen

an actor before!"

00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:16,473

Why don't you choke on some

pig vomit, you stupid sods?!

00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:18,600

Why can't this guy control

his temper?

00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:19,434

Well?!

00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:21,728

You all just gonna stand there

or are you gonna fight?!

00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:23,188

[ Grunts ]

00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:25,482

Oi! Crikey!

You done it now!

00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:26,984

This TV is great, Chef.

00:09:27,109 --> 00:09:29,403

Yeah, and it's got all kinds

of cool features, too.

00:09:29,528 --> 00:09:30,612

Check this out.

00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:32,447

You can watch three channels

all at once.

00:09:32,573 --> 00:09:34,449

I think if you hit

this button here --

00:09:34,575 --> 00:09:35,450

No. No.

Wait.

00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:37,202

You hit this button here.

00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:39,246

No. That's not it.

Let's see.

00:09:39,371 --> 00:09:41,373

"Menu"...

"Function"...

00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:43,542

Put it back, Chef.

More commercials might come on.

00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:45,669

Let's see. "Menu."

Aw, damn it.

00:09:45,794 --> 00:09:48,088

Get it back to normal, Chef!

- I'm trying, children!

00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:49,631

"Menu", "back", "function",

"enter"...

00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:52,509

No. No. Back!

"H.E.M."!

00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:53,510

[ Whirring ]

00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:55,887

[ TV in Robotic Voice ] Human eradication

mode active.

00:09:57,556 --> 00:10:00,726

[ Whirring ]

00:10:07,065 --> 00:10:09,359

Oh, God damn it!

- The TV left!

00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:11,361

But the next commercials

will be on soon!

00:10:11,486 --> 00:10:13,572

Come on!

We got to go somewhere else!

00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:16,491

[ Tires screech ]

00:10:16,617 --> 00:10:17,534

- [ Screams ]

- Oh, my God!

00:10:17,659 --> 00:10:20,203

[ Breathing heavily ]

00:10:20,329 --> 00:10:21,580

Where do we go?

Where do we go?

00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:24,041

The bar!

They've got a TV at the bar!

00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:27,419

Aah! Aah!

00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:28,837

I'm dying!

00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,505

[ Indistinct conversations ]

00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:32,924

[ Breathing heavily ]

00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:34,384

[ Click, static ]

00:10:34,509 --> 00:10:38,138

You fight like Norwegians,

you fairies!

00:10:38,263 --> 00:10:39,431

[All ]

Phew!

00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:41,099

We made it.

- This is killing me.

00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:43,560

The human body was not meant

to move quickly like that.

00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:45,312

These are the Florida Keys,

00:10:45,437 --> 00:10:48,231

a remote island chain

just a few miles from --

00:10:48,357 --> 00:10:50,150

Oi!

Wait a minute!

00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:52,611

Wasn't I just in Brooklyn

fighting minorities?

00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:53,987

What happened with that?!

00:10:54,112 --> 00:10:55,197

[ Horn toots ]

00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:57,157

It's that goddamn editor!

00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:59,451

He cut the Brooklyn scene

short!

00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:02,037

Tugger, I'm gonna get him!

00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:05,082

Yeah, I'm just working.

00:11:05,207 --> 00:11:06,875

I'll probably be done

around 7:00.

00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,835

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:10,962

Who the hell

do you think you are?!

00:11:11,088 --> 00:11:12,047

I'm the editor.

00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,674

I know you're

the bloomin' editor!

00:11:13,799 --> 00:11:15,175

I mean who do you think you are

00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:17,636

cuttin' one

of my fightin' scenes short?!

00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:19,346

Dude, the director said

to cut it!

00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:20,889

My fightin' is poetry!

00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:24,393

You don't edit Russell Crowe's

poetry, you testicle!

00:11:26,228 --> 00:11:28,313

[ Grunts ]

00:11:28,939 --> 00:11:30,816

Well, that guy

is just plain nuts.

00:11:30,941 --> 00:11:32,484

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Whoa!

00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:34,069

You kids can't be in here!

00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:35,862

We're not kids.

00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:37,489

We're full-grown men

with dwarfism!

00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:39,533

How dare you assume

that all midgets are children!

00:11:39,658 --> 00:11:40,742

We demand an apology!

00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:43,245

You ain't midgets.

Your lips are too full.

00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:45,497

Now, get out!

00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:47,374

We have to watch the commercials

in this show!

00:11:47,499 --> 00:11:50,252

Look, this is a bar.

We can't have children in here.

00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:52,754

People come here for debauchery

and sin.

00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:54,756

Butters will give hand jobs

in the corner for a dollar.

00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:57,217

Sure!

I'm good at all kinds of jobs.

00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:58,719

Get out!

00:12:00,137 --> 00:12:00,846

- Aah!

- Aah!

00:12:00,971 --> 00:12:02,514

Come on!

We got to get to a TV!

00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:04,725

Oh, you've got to be kidding me!

00:12:04,850 --> 00:12:06,810

[ Whirring ]

00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:10,063

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:18,029

Yes.

Is this customer service?

00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:20,157

I'm having a problem

with my new television.

00:12:20,282 --> 00:12:21,324

It sprouted laser guns

00:12:21,450 --> 00:12:23,243

and started walking around

shooting people.

00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:25,412

Uh-huh.

Okay.

00:12:25,537 --> 00:12:28,540

Oh! So I press "menu"

then "function"?

00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:32,043

Jesus!

[ Screams ]

00:12:32,169 --> 00:12:33,837

No, that didn't work.

00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:37,758

Did I set the internal clock?

Uh, no.

00:12:37,883 --> 00:12:40,677

Oh, really?

Well, how do I do that?

00:12:40,802 --> 00:12:42,095

[ Woman screaming ]

00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:45,223

[ Insects chirping ]

00:12:45,348 --> 00:12:47,726

[ Boys shouting indistinctly ]

00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:52,564

Oi!

00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:53,857

We're not too late!

00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:57,903

Come on, Tugger, old mate.

Why are you looking so down?

00:12:58,028 --> 00:13:00,280

[ Horn toots sadly ]

00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:02,199

Tugger's in a bit

of a sad state.

00:13:02,324 --> 00:13:05,494

Seems his girlfriend and him

had a bit of a row last night.

00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:08,580

[ Horn toots sadly ]

00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:10,081

What is this?

00:13:10,207 --> 00:13:11,958

Come on.

Cheer up, Tugger.

00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:13,710

How can I make you feel better?

00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:15,045

I know!

00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:17,297

How would you like me to sing

one of the songs

00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:18,965

off me new album?

00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:21,176

[ Tooting negatively ]

00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:22,260

What's that, Tugger?

00:13:22,385 --> 00:13:25,263

You say you really love

the songs on my album?

00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:27,098

[ Tooting loudly ]

00:13:27,224 --> 00:13:28,934

All right, then, Tugger!

00:13:29,059 --> 00:13:31,061

[ Playing mid-tempo music ]

00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:33,396

♪ You know that you're my baby ♪

00:13:33,522 --> 00:13:35,148

[ Tooting negatively ]

♪ You know I need you now ♪

00:13:35,273 --> 00:13:37,609

[ Horn toots angrily ]

- ♪ Don't know where I'm goin' ♪

00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:39,110

♪ I got to get there somehow ♪

00:13:39,236 --> 00:13:41,196

♪ Yeah, I got to get there

somehow ♪

00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:42,656

[ Horn toots angrily ]

00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:45,700

♪ Got to get there somehow ♪

00:13:45,826 --> 00:13:48,245

[ Horn toots sadly ]

00:13:48,370 --> 00:13:50,247

♪ You can stay awake tonight ♪

00:13:50,372 --> 00:13:54,209

♪ But I'm gonna sleep

in these fluffy clouds ♪

00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:55,168

Shout!

00:13:55,293 --> 00:13:57,295

♪ I think I feel

your heartbeat ♪

00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:59,506

♪ Can you feel mine? ♪

00:13:59,631 --> 00:14:02,801

♪ Lady looking lovely,

got to take your love inside ♪

00:14:02,926 --> 00:14:04,010

♪ I got to take it -- ♪

00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:06,012

[ Gunshot ]

00:14:06,137 --> 00:14:07,138

Tugger!

00:14:07,264 --> 00:14:10,141

[ Sea gulls crying ]

00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:12,310

Tugger shot himself!

00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:14,062

[Announcer ] Has Russell lost Tugger

for good?

00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:16,064

Find out after these messages.

00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:17,899

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

Here we go!

00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:20,068

Commercial break number two!

00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:22,320

[ Rock music plays ]

00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:27,200

MAN: Now back to "Russell Crowe:

Fightin' 'Round the World"!

00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:29,119

That's it?

That's all the commercials?

00:14:29,244 --> 00:14:31,329

They didn't play the "Terrance

& Phillip" trailer again!

00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:34,124

I knew it! They're waiting until

the very last commercial break!

00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:35,166

We're gonna end up watching

00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:36,751

this whole retarded

Russell Crowe show.

00:14:36,877 --> 00:14:38,837

[ Sobbing ]

00:14:38,962 --> 00:14:40,046

Tugger!

00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:43,425

Why'd you do it, Tugger?

[ Sobs ]

00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,927

Doctor!

Tell me how he is, Doctor!

00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:47,762

Well, he's a very sick

little tugboat.

00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:48,805

What is this?

00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:50,932

We want to watch

"Puppies From Around the World".

00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:52,684

Yeah.

We don't like this show.

00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:53,685

Shh!

Okay?!

00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:55,812

Old people need to be quiet

right now.

00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:57,898

You got to save him, Doc!

00:14:58,023 --> 00:15:00,191

Tugger -- He's my best friend!

00:15:00,317 --> 00:15:02,068

The only friend in the world

who --

00:15:02,193 --> 00:15:04,154

H-He's going to live, but --

- Oi!

00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:06,656

Don't you interrupt me,

you vagina!

00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:08,700

I was giving

a heart-wrenching soliloquy

00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:10,452

about me feelings for Tugger!

00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:11,620

Sorry.

00:15:11,745 --> 00:15:12,996

Oh, Tugger!

00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:16,333

Tugger, the world wouldn't be

as bright without you, mate!

00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:18,043

Give it to me straight, Doctor!

00:15:18,168 --> 00:15:21,171

Will Tugger live?

Tell me the truth!

00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:23,548

Now?

- Yes. Now is fine.

00:15:23,673 --> 00:15:26,051

Oh. Uh, your tugboat's

going to be okay.

00:15:26,176 --> 00:15:29,137

He just needs an oil change

and a new steam stack.

00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,890

Oodalolly!

You hear that, everybody?

00:15:32,015 --> 00:15:33,892

Tugger's gonna be okay!

00:15:34,017 --> 00:15:36,853

You know what that makes me

feel like doin'?

00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:38,229

Fightin'!

00:15:38,355 --> 00:15:39,439

Aah!

00:15:39,564 --> 00:15:41,566

- Oh!

[ Grunts ]

00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:44,027

This show is too violent!

Put the puppies back on!

00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:45,445

Yeah!

- Puppies!

00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:47,530

Shut up!

Shut the hell up!

00:15:47,656 --> 00:15:49,407

We're watching this

until the next commercial,

00:15:49,532 --> 00:15:50,951

and that's final, old people!

00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:53,620

All right! That does it!

We know how to get our way!

00:15:53,745 --> 00:15:56,748

Everyone, on the count of three,

release your bowels!

00:15:56,873 --> 00:15:58,500

One, two...

00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:01,920

[All farting ]

00:16:02,045 --> 00:16:03,338

[All ]

Aww!!

00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:05,256

Oh, God!

It's horrible!

00:16:05,382 --> 00:16:07,217

That's disgusting, dude!

00:16:07,342 --> 00:16:08,593

God, I hate old people!

00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:10,136

We have to go to Butters'

or Cartman's house.

00:16:10,261 --> 00:16:11,137

We have nowhere else to go!

00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:13,264

I told you --

We can't go to my house!

00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:14,849

And my house is being fumigated!

00:16:14,975 --> 00:16:18,019

We'll watch in your house

even if it is being fumigated!

00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:19,479

Oh -- Oh, boy!

We got to hurry, guys!

00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:20,730

Hurry! Hurry!

00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:22,315

Come on, you guys!

00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,567

[ Breathing heavily, gasping ]

00:16:24,693 --> 00:16:27,195

[ Insects chirping ]

00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,322

[ Coughs ]

Turn it on! Turn it on!

00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:32,742

Crikey! Ol' Tugger looks

healthy, happy, and...

00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:34,869

[ Whistles ]

...fit as a whistle!

00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:36,955

It's okay.

It's still the show.

00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,499

But, you know,

Tugger's attempted suicide

00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:42,711

has made me realize

that I should take up a cause.

00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:44,879

Most great actors

take up causes,

00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:46,756

and I'm the greatest

of them all!

00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:50,427

So from now on, I'm gonna

spend all my spare time

00:16:50,552 --> 00:16:52,512

fighting cancer.

00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:53,346

Right!

00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:56,725

Where is that pussy cancer,

anyway?!

00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:57,892

[ Weakly ] Oh, dude,

00:16:58,018 --> 00:16:59,477

I don't know how long

I can take it.

00:16:59,602 --> 00:17:00,311

Me neither.

00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:01,855

I'll be dead

before the commercials.

00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:02,856

Wait a minute!

I forgot!

00:17:02,981 --> 00:17:04,691

There's a black-and-white

television back at my house!

00:17:04,816 --> 00:17:05,859

Will your sister let us

watch it?

00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:07,527

She has to!

00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:10,572

Hurry! The commercial's

gonna be on any minute!

00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:12,657

[ Insects chirping ]

00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:14,534

[ Breathing heavily ]

Oh, God! Oh, God!

00:17:14,659 --> 00:17:15,952

Oh, Jesus, help me!

00:17:16,077 --> 00:17:17,537

Oh!

Oh, I've lost a doughnut!

00:17:17,662 --> 00:17:19,664

Aah! Aah! Aah!

00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:22,834

Oh, my God!

Leave no doughnut behind!

00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:24,544

[ Breathing heavily ]

00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:26,504

Oh, Jesus! Wait!

- What?

00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:28,131

I never gave Shelly her tampons!

00:17:28,256 --> 00:17:30,508

She's been this whole time

without them.

00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:33,887

[All ]

Aah!

00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:36,514

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:46,357

I told you I needed tampons,

turds!

00:17:46,483 --> 00:17:47,525

[ Gasps ]

Look!

00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:49,694

Crack addicts with a television!

00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:51,613

[ Down-tempo music playing ]

00:17:56,242 --> 00:18:01,039

Well, we couldn't find cancer,

but we found a man with cancer.

00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:03,958

Take that, cancer!

00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:05,001

And that!

00:18:05,126 --> 00:18:07,170

[ Horn tooting ]

00:18:07,295 --> 00:18:10,340

The last commercial break

has to be coming any second!

00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:12,342

Aah!

- [ Dramatic music plays ]

00:18:12,467 --> 00:18:14,135

Aah!

- Aah!

00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:20,225

Yes, I pressed "menu"

three times.

00:18:20,350 --> 00:18:22,811

No. It's giving me

the same error message!

00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:25,105

Yes, I read

the instruction manual.

00:18:25,230 --> 00:18:26,147

[ Woman screaming ]

00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:27,357

Where do we go?!

00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:28,650

Oh, Jesus.

Now where do we go?!

00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:29,692

We've tried everywhere!

00:18:29,818 --> 00:18:31,820

Butters, are you absolutely sure

we can't go to your house?

00:18:31,945 --> 00:18:33,321

I'm sure.

There's no way!

00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:34,739

Why not?

- Because!

00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:38,284

My parents are out of town,

and I don't have a babysitter!

00:18:39,494 --> 00:18:41,329

Oh, God damn it,

you'd better be kidding.

00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:43,248

No! I really don't have

a babysitter.

00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:45,083

That's why I'm staying

at Stan's.

00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:47,418

This whole time, your TV is

in a house with nobody in it?!

00:18:47,544 --> 00:18:50,338

Come on! Let's just go!

We'll kill Butters later!

00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,841

[ Indistinct shouting ]

00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:55,468

Turn it on!

Turn it on! Turn it on!

00:18:55,593 --> 00:18:58,847

And so we'll be right back

after these commercials.

00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:00,014

We made it!

00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:03,226

The last commercial break

is starting!

00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:05,812

[Announcer ]

Don't go anywhere.

00:19:05,937 --> 00:19:09,482

Russell Crowe will be right back

after a few more commercials!

00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:13,361

These commercials

are all so Goddamn stupid!

00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,780

Jesus Christ! How long is this

commercial break gonna be?

00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:17,824

What if they don't show the "Terrance & Phillip"

trailer at all?

00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:19,242

What if we went through all this

for nothing?

00:19:19,367 --> 00:19:21,703

They have to show it!

They promised they would!

00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:22,704

You guys, calm down.

00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:23,997

This is what TV shows

always do.

00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:25,999

They make the last

commercial break the longest.

00:19:26,124 --> 00:19:28,001

That's bullcrap!

TV shows are gay!

00:19:28,126 --> 00:19:29,586

Wait a minute!

Look!

00:19:29,711 --> 00:19:32,297

"The following preview is --"

This is it! This is it!

00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:33,923

[Announcer ]

Coming this summer,

00:19:34,048 --> 00:19:37,468

the greatest Canadian duo

of all time is back.

00:19:37,594 --> 00:19:39,596

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:00,575

[ Farts ]

00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,994

[ Music continues ]

00:20:05,788 --> 00:20:08,750

[ Glass falling,

Phillip laughing ]

00:20:11,878 --> 00:20:14,255

Whoo-hoo!

- Yeah!

00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:16,424

That looks awesome!

- They were wearing cowboy hats!

00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:17,508

Did you see?!

Did you see?!

00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:18,635

Clyde! Clyde!

Did you see it?!

00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,261

Yeah! Oh, we think

it's gonna be good, too!

00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:21,763

I'm so glad we didn't miss it!

00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:24,182

You guys, Clyde said he taped it

and kids can come over to see!

00:20:24,307 --> 00:20:25,225

Oh, dude, let's go!

00:20:25,350 --> 00:20:26,684

It looks even better

than their first movie!

00:20:26,809 --> 00:20:27,685

Yeah, it sure does!

00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:28,937

I wonder if it's all a Western!

00:20:29,062 --> 00:20:30,980

How far away is June?

[ Door closes ]

00:20:31,105 --> 00:20:33,942

Well, we sure had a good time

today, didn't we, kids?

00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:36,319

We fought some Chinamen,

a few Packers,

00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:39,280

and a lot of Colombians,

to name just a few.

00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:43,284

But I sure am glad we got

old Wally B. Back, aren't you?

00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:45,787

I'm glad to be back, Russell!

00:20:47,288 --> 00:20:48,790

Oh, my God.

It's Russell Crowe!

00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:51,042

[ Mockingly ] "Oh, my God!

It's Russell Crowe!

00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:52,919

Oh, my --

bluh-bluh-bluh"!

00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:55,421

Why don't you go flush yourself

down a toilet, you c--

00:20:55,546 --> 00:20:57,840

[ Horn toots ]

00:20:57,966 --> 00:21:00,260

[ Gasps ]

Uh-oh. Tugger's whistle.

00:21:00,385 --> 00:21:02,136

You know what that means.

00:21:02,262 --> 00:21:04,430

♪ Tugger's whistle's blowin' ♪

00:21:04,555 --> 00:21:06,599

♪ Means we must be goin' ♪

00:21:06,724 --> 00:21:10,687

♪ No more Russell Crowein'

for you ♪

00:21:10,812 --> 00:21:12,939

♪ But now,

don't you start to whine ♪

00:21:13,064 --> 00:21:15,108

♪ I'll see you again next time ♪

00:21:15,233 --> 00:21:19,279

♪ 'Cause there's plenty more

a-fightin' left to do ♪

00:21:19,404 --> 00:21:21,781

♪ Making movies, making songs ♪

00:21:21,906 --> 00:21:25,451

♪ And fightin'

'round the world ♪

00:21:25,576 --> 00:21:27,245

See you next time, everybody!

00:21:27,370 --> 00:21:28,538

[ Horn tooting ]

00:21:28,663 --> 00:21:30,123

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:34,627

So I'm supposed to press "menu,"

then "function," then "enter."