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Ждём новый фильм Терренса и Филлипа
The New Terrance and Phillip Movie Trailer
Сезон: 06Серия: 05
Описание
Друзья вынуждены смотреть идиотское телешоу с Расселом Кроу, чтобы не пропустить анонс нового фильма с Терренсом и Филлипом.
Субтитры
- 00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:11,929 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:14,140 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:00:14,265 --> 00:00:15,641 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:18,602 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,021 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:00:20,146 --> 00:00:22,064 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
- 00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:25,317 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:00:25,443 --> 00:00:27,153 ♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪
- 00:00:27,278 --> 00:00:29,071 ♪ Timmy, Timmy, liv-a-la, Timmy! ♪
- 00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:32,742 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:37,747 This is gonna be so awesome!
- 00:00:37,872 --> 00:00:38,789 Do we have everything?
- 00:00:38,914 --> 00:00:41,167 Chips, pop, cookies, Kleenex, toilet paper, flares.
- 00:00:41,292 --> 00:00:42,960 We won't have to leave the TV room for anything.
- 00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:44,962 All right! - Look. It's almost time!
- 00:00:45,087 --> 00:00:48,466 Up next on HBC, "The Russell Crowe Show".
- 00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:50,926 All right. Here we go.
- 00:00:51,052 --> 00:00:53,429 ♪ Born in New Zealand in '64 ♪
- 00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,848 ♪ A hotheaded actor named Russell Crowe ♪
- 00:00:55,973 --> 00:00:58,309 ♪ He loves to act, but he loves one thing more ♪
- 00:00:58,434 --> 00:01:00,770 ♪ Fightin' 'round the world ♪
- 00:01:00,895 --> 00:01:03,064 ♪ He fights his directors, and he fights his fans ♪
- 00:01:03,189 --> 00:01:04,982 ♪ It's a problem no one understands ♪
- 00:01:05,107 --> 00:01:07,902 ♪ If there's two things he loves, it's fighting and ♪
- 00:01:08,027 --> 00:01:10,446 ♪ Fightin' 'round the world ♪
- 00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,490 ♪ Making movies, making music ♪
- 00:01:12,615 --> 00:01:16,577 ♪ And fightin' 'round the world ♪
- 00:01:16,702 --> 00:01:18,204 Russell Crowe!
- 00:01:18,329 --> 00:01:19,955 Hello, everybody.
- 00:01:20,081 --> 00:01:21,248 I'm Russell Crowe,
- 00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:24,085 and this is "Fightin' 'Round the World".
- 00:01:24,210 --> 00:01:26,087 We're gonna have lots of fun today
- 00:01:26,212 --> 00:01:29,673 as we travel all around and look for some good --
- 00:01:29,799 --> 00:01:33,302 Hey! What the hell do you think you're doin'?!
- 00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:35,262 You walked right through my shot, mate!
- 00:01:35,387 --> 00:01:36,514 Do you know who I am?!
- 00:01:36,639 --> 00:01:38,766 Oh, excuse me. I was just --
- 00:01:38,891 --> 00:01:41,018 Goddamn smart-ass!
- 00:01:41,143 --> 00:01:42,061 You think you can --
- 00:01:42,186 --> 00:01:44,188 Shelly, we're watching that. Go back!
- 00:01:44,313 --> 00:01:46,190 Shut up, turd! I'm watching <i>Buffy.</i>
- 00:01:46,315 --> 00:01:49,110 No, Shelly. We have to watch HBC!
- 00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:52,363 Get up! Get up, you little pussy!
- 00:01:52,488 --> 00:01:53,489 "The Russell Crowe Show"?
- 00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,449 You turds don't even like that show!
- 00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:56,826 It's not the show we care about.
- 00:01:56,951 --> 00:01:58,869 During one of the commercial breaks of tonight's episode,
- 00:01:58,994 --> 00:02:00,955 they're gonna show the exclusive never-before-seen trailer
- 00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:02,623 to the new "Terrance & Phillip" movie!
- 00:02:02,748 --> 00:02:04,041 It's the biggest night of the year!
- 00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:05,042 That's stupid!
- 00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:06,627 See your turdy trailer some other time.
- 00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:09,130 The other kids are gonna watch it and talk about it in school!
- 00:02:09,255 --> 00:02:10,131 No, turds.
- 00:02:10,256 --> 00:02:12,383 Shelly, did I ever tell you how hot I think you are?
- 00:02:12,508 --> 00:02:13,801 Shut up, fat turd!
- 00:02:13,926 --> 00:02:15,678 I'm not a fat turd! I'm a stocky turd!
- 00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:17,471 We're not watching this.
- 00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:19,265 Come on! - Look, I apologize.
- 00:02:19,390 --> 00:02:20,933 But, Shelly, it's "The Russell Crowe Show"!
- 00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:23,310 You said there's nothing you love more than Russell Crowe.
- 00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:25,646 There is one thing I love more than Russell Crowe,
- 00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:28,816 and that is seeing you unhappy, so <i>Buffy</i> it is.
- 00:02:28,941 --> 00:02:30,526 Shelly, please let us watch!
- 00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:32,611 We'll do anything! Anything!
- 00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:33,821 All right.
- 00:02:33,946 --> 00:02:36,782 I just started my period, and I need tampons.
- 00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:39,410 If one of you turds go buy them at the store for me,
- 00:02:39,535 --> 00:02:41,162 you can watch your stupid turd show
- 00:02:41,287 --> 00:02:44,123 with your stupid turd movie commercial in it!
- 00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:46,292 Okay. Deal.
- 00:02:46,417 --> 00:02:50,254 And they better be here when I come back downstairs, turds!
- 00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:53,841 Well, that was a lot of fun, wasn't it, kids?
- 00:02:53,966 --> 00:02:56,302 But it looks like if we're gonna get in more fights,
- 00:02:56,427 --> 00:02:58,137 we're gonna have to go look for 'em!
- 00:02:58,262 --> 00:02:59,471 Dude, why'd you make that deal?
- 00:02:59,597 --> 00:03:01,557 If we're out buying tampons, we'll miss the trailer anyway!
- 00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:02,474 Yeah!
- 00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:04,685 Well, only one of us has to go to the store.
- 00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:07,021 The others can watch. - You'd miss the new trailer?
- 00:03:07,146 --> 00:03:09,231 Dude, I'm not going. - We'll have to play for it.
- 00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:12,026 How about if your name is Butters, you have to go?
- 00:03:12,151 --> 00:03:13,819 Okay. So what's your name? - Stan.
- 00:03:13,944 --> 00:03:15,779 Stan. Okay. What's your name? - Kyle.
- 00:03:15,905 --> 00:03:18,199 Kyle. What's your name? - Butters!
- 00:03:18,324 --> 00:03:19,450 Aw, I lose, huh?
- 00:03:19,575 --> 00:03:20,993 Oh, yeah, Butters, you lose.
- 00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:22,953 - Sorry. Tough break. Just hurry, Butters.
- 00:03:23,078 --> 00:03:25,080 You can probably make it back before the first commercial.
- 00:03:25,206 --> 00:03:27,958 Oh, Jesus! I got to run like the wind!
- 00:03:28,083 --> 00:03:29,877 Seems like no one else here wants to fight.
- 00:03:30,002 --> 00:03:31,295 Dude, thank God for stupid people.
- 00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:32,004 Amen.
- 00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:34,006 Let's ask our old friend Tugger.
- 00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:36,217 Where should we go fight people next, Tugger?
- 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,053 Great idea!
- 00:03:39,178 --> 00:03:42,556 Tugger thinks we should go to the faraway country of China.
- 00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:45,184 China's one of the oldest civilizations on Earth,
- 00:03:45,309 --> 00:03:47,895 and from what I understand, they love a good fight!
- 00:03:48,020 --> 00:03:49,230 So let's go!
- 00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:53,067 Oh, my God! It's Russell Crowe!
- 00:03:53,192 --> 00:03:55,319 "Oh, my God! It's Russell Crowe!
- 00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:57,738 "Oh, my -- muh-bluh-bluh-bluh-bluh"!
- 00:03:57,863 --> 00:04:00,783 Why don't you mind your own business, you scrotum?!
- 00:04:01,951 --> 00:04:04,203 ♪ Making movies, making songs ♪
- 00:04:04,328 --> 00:04:06,038 ♪ And fightin' 'round the world ♪
- 00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:08,165 Dude, why is this guy always beating everybody up?
- 00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:10,584 ♪ What a glorious day to spend away ♪
- 00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:12,711 ♪ Fightin' 'round the world ♪
- 00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:18,926 What's wrong with the colors on your TV, Stan?
- 00:04:19,051 --> 00:04:20,886 They're all saturated. - They look fine to me.
- 00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:24,807 Just don't mess with it, Cartman.
- 00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:26,433 No, no. The cable wire must be loose.
- 00:04:26,558 --> 00:04:27,518 J-Just leave it alone.
- 00:04:27,643 --> 00:04:29,812 Do you want to see the trailer with messed-up colors?
- 00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:30,854 I don't.
- 00:04:30,980 --> 00:04:32,022 How's that?
- 00:04:32,147 --> 00:04:32,898 That's worse!
- 00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:34,233 Okay. How about that?
- 00:04:40,239 --> 00:04:41,573 Dude! - God damn it, Cartman!
- 00:04:41,699 --> 00:04:43,117 You broke it! - It was just --
- 00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:45,619 I just... Butters, you asshole!
- 00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:47,246 Dude, the commercials could start any time!
- 00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:48,998 I don't think we're watching them on this TV.
- 00:04:49,123 --> 00:04:51,250 God damn it! Come on! We can watch it at my house!
- 00:04:51,375 --> 00:04:53,502 Get all the stuff!
- 00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,421 Hey, fellas! I got the tampons!
- 00:04:55,546 --> 00:04:57,047 I didn't miss it, did I?
- 00:04:57,172 --> 00:04:58,590 We're going to Kyle's house to watch!
- 00:04:58,716 --> 00:04:59,967 Oh, geez!
- 00:05:02,303 --> 00:05:03,429 Oh, geez. Oh, geez.
- 00:05:03,554 --> 00:05:06,265 Hurry! We can't miss the commercials!
- 00:05:09,685 --> 00:05:11,979 But the Palestinian government
- 00:05:12,104 --> 00:05:14,940 uh, is not going to see any for future...
- 00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:18,235 Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!
- 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:21,947 And so here we are in history-rich China!
- 00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:23,949 We made it! It hasn't gone to commercials yet!
- 00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:25,034 Whew!
- 00:05:25,159 --> 00:05:26,702 Hey, ima turnl bat.
- 00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:28,454 Oh! Oh, my God! Oh!
- 00:05:28,579 --> 00:05:30,039 Ba-ba-ba-ba! - No, Ike.
- 00:05:30,164 --> 00:05:31,040 They're playing the trailer
- 00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:32,583 to the new "Terrance & Phillip" movie during the show,
- 00:05:32,708 --> 00:05:33,751 and we have to watch it!
- 00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:38,130 This is Tiananmen Square.
- 00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:41,091 Lots of good fighting has gone on here throughout the years,
- 00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:46,013 including a fantastic massacre that took place back in '93.
- 00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:52,519 These Chinamen can grow to over five feet tall
- 00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:56,023 and in a fight are known to kick with their legs.
- 00:05:56,148 --> 00:05:58,275 Let's see if we can get in for a closer look.
- 00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:02,571 Oi!
- 00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,365 I've gotten close enough now
- 00:06:04,490 --> 00:06:06,992 that they're starting to get real frightened.
- 00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:09,286 You can see the fine hairs on the back of their necks
- 00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:11,372 standing on end.
- 00:06:11,497 --> 00:06:12,748 Gotcha, mate!
- 00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:16,835 Oh, you want to fight, huh?!
- 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:19,046 Think you can take me, you little buggers?!
- 00:06:26,428 --> 00:06:29,765 God. When is this gonna get to the commercials?
- 00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:32,434 Kyle, Ike says you kicked him off the TV.
- 00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,311 They're going to show the new "Terrance & Phillip" trailer!
- 00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:36,188 You know your brother watches "MacNeil/Lehrer Report"
- 00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:37,272 every night at 10:00.
- 00:06:37,398 --> 00:06:40,067 It has a bunny wubbit ona night.
- 00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:42,361 But, Dad, this is all the never-before-seen footage!
- 00:06:42,486 --> 00:06:43,362 It doesn't matter.
- 00:06:43,487 --> 00:06:46,156 10:00 to 11:00 is Ike's time to watch "MacNeil/Lehrer".
- 00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:48,867 God damn it! Come on, guys. We got to go to Butters' house.
- 00:06:48,992 --> 00:06:50,828 Aw!
- 00:06:50,953 --> 00:06:53,247 W-Wait, fellas. We can't go to my house.
- 00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:55,457 We can't go to my house either. It's being fumigated!
- 00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:56,458 Aah! Wait!
- 00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:58,544 Chef just got a plasma-screen TV with surround sound.
- 00:06:58,669 --> 00:07:00,212 Let's go to his house! Come on!
- 00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:04,049 ...taken place there all these years is sure to continue
- 00:07:04,174 --> 00:07:06,468 until the governments of these regions
- 00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:08,220 can actually come about some resolution...
- 00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:10,222 Isa birdie fly.
- 00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:18,856 You guys. I'm seriously.
- 00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:20,649 God damn it.
- 00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:23,277 If we miss the commercials, I'll never forgive my brother!
- 00:07:23,402 --> 00:07:25,404 Oh. Hello, there, children.
- 00:07:25,529 --> 00:07:26,822 Hey, Chef!
- 00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,782 Uh, how's it going?
- 00:07:29,992 --> 00:07:31,869 Oh, you wanted to see the new TV, huh?
- 00:07:31,994 --> 00:07:33,287 Pretty cool, ain't it? - Yeah, yeah.
- 00:07:33,412 --> 00:07:35,414 - How do you change the channels? I don't know.
- 00:07:35,539 --> 00:07:37,708 This TV has more features than a space shuttle.
- 00:07:37,833 --> 00:07:39,751 I can't figure it out at all.
- 00:07:39,877 --> 00:07:41,545 ...bloomin' Taj Mahal. - You got it! You got it!
- 00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:43,922 Freakin' Indies really put up a fight!
- 00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:45,716 We made it! - Oh, thank God!
- 00:07:45,841 --> 00:07:46,884 Russell Crowe?
- 00:07:47,009 --> 00:07:48,552 Children, you shouldn't be watching a show
- 00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:51,221 about a man who beats people up because he's insecure.
- 00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:52,931 We don't give two craps about Russell Crowe, Chef.
- 00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:54,850 We just want to see the trailer
- 00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,810 that's supposed to play during the commercials.
- 00:07:56,935 --> 00:07:57,895 All right, everyone.
- 00:07:58,020 --> 00:08:00,147 We're gonna take our first commercial break.
- 00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:02,024 But be sure not to go anywhere,
- 00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:04,443 because there's lots more people to beat up!
- 00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:07,237 Here they come! - The commercials!
- 00:08:09,865 --> 00:08:12,868 Now back to "Russell Crowe: Fightin' 'Round the World"!
- 00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,119 Aww!
- 00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:15,412 Aw! They didn't play it!
- 00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:17,164 They didn't show the "Terrance & Phillip" trailer.
- 00:08:17,289 --> 00:08:18,582 I knew they wouldn't play it
- 00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:19,791 during the first commercial break.
- 00:08:19,917 --> 00:08:21,084 They want everyone to stick around
- 00:08:21,210 --> 00:08:22,419 and watch more of this retarded show.
- 00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:24,838 ♪ Making movies, making songs ♪
- 00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:26,757 ♪ And fightin' 'round the world ♪
- 00:08:26,882 --> 00:08:27,591 Oi!
- 00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:29,885 Now Tugger's brought me to one of the greatest places
- 00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:33,013 for fightin' in North America -- Brooklyn, New York.
- 00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:34,264 Lots of minorities here,
- 00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:36,433 and they don't take kindly to <i>whitey.</i>
- 00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:38,477 Let's get a closer look. Come on, Tugger!
- 00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,736 Looks like we got some black people
- 00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,196 and some Puerto Ricans.
- 00:08:49,321 --> 00:08:51,448 Notice the colorful rags on their heads,
- 00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:53,325 meaning they could be part of a gang
- 00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:55,786 and therefore, real used to fightin'.
- 00:08:58,956 --> 00:09:01,375 Look at that guy over there. Ain't that that "Gladiator" guy?
- 00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:02,209 Where?
- 00:09:02,334 --> 00:09:04,086 Behind that plant, next to that tugboat.
- 00:09:05,921 --> 00:09:07,756 Oh, yeah. I think it is.
- 00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:10,050 "Oh, my God! It's the 'Gladiator' guy!
- 00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:12,636 "Oh, my God! I've never seen an actor before!"
- 00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:16,473 Why don't you choke on some pig vomit, you stupid sods?!
- 00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:18,600 Why can't this guy control his temper?
- 00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:19,434 Well?!
- 00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:21,728 You all just gonna stand there or are you gonna fight?!
- 00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:25,482 Oi! Crikey! You done it now!
- 00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:26,984 This TV is great, Chef.
- 00:09:27,109 --> 00:09:29,403 Yeah, and it's got all kinds of cool features, too.
- 00:09:29,528 --> 00:09:30,612 Check this out.
- 00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:32,447 You can watch three channels all at once.
- 00:09:32,573 --> 00:09:34,449 I think if you hit this button here --
- 00:09:34,575 --> 00:09:35,450 No. No. Wait.
- 00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:37,202 You hit this button here.
- 00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:39,246 No. That's not it. Let's see.
- 00:09:39,371 --> 00:09:41,373 "Menu"... "Function"...
- 00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:43,542 Put it back, Chef. More commercials might come on.
- 00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:45,669 Let's see. "Menu." Aw, damn it.
- 00:09:45,794 --> 00:09:48,088 Get it back to normal, Chef! - I'm trying, children!
- 00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:49,631 "Menu", "back", "function", "enter"...
- 00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:52,509 No. No. Back! "H.E.M."!
- 00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:55,887 Human eradication mode active.
- 00:10:07,065 --> 00:10:09,359 Oh, God damn it! - The TV left!
- 00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:11,361 But the next commercials will be on soon!
- 00:10:11,486 --> 00:10:13,572 Come on! We got to go somewhere else!
- 00:10:16,617 --> 00:10:17,534 Oh, my God!
- 00:10:20,329 --> 00:10:21,580 Where do we go? Where do we go?
- 00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:24,041 The bar! They've got a TV at the bar!
- 00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:27,419 Aah! Aah!
- 00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:28,837 I'm dying!
- 00:10:34,509 --> 00:10:38,138 You fight like Norwegians, you fairies!
- 00:10:38,263 --> 00:10:39,431 Phew!
- 00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:41,099 We made it. - This is killing me.
- 00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:43,560 The human body was not meant to move quickly like that.
- 00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:45,312 These are the Florida Keys,
- 00:10:45,437 --> 00:10:48,231 a remote island chain just a few miles from --
- 00:10:48,357 --> 00:10:50,150 Oi! Wait a minute!
- 00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:52,611 Wasn't I just in Brooklyn fighting minorities?
- 00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:53,987 What happened with that?!
- 00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:57,157 It's that goddamn editor!
- 00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:59,451 He cut the Brooklyn scene short!
- 00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:02,037 Tugger, I'm gonna get him!
- 00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:05,082 Yeah, I'm just working.
- 00:11:05,207 --> 00:11:06,875 I'll probably be done around 7:00.
- 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:10,962 Who the hell do you think you are?!
- 00:11:11,088 --> 00:11:12,047 I'm the editor.
- 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,674 I know you're the bloomin' editor!
- 00:11:13,799 --> 00:11:15,175 I mean who do you think you are
- 00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:17,636 cuttin' one of my fightin' scenes short?!
- 00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:19,346 Dude, the director said to cut it!
- 00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:20,889 My fightin' is poetry!
- 00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:24,393 You don't edit Russell Crowe's poetry, you testicle!
- 00:11:28,939 --> 00:11:30,816 Well, that guy is just plain nuts.
- 00:11:30,941 --> 00:11:32,484 Hey! Hey! Hey! Whoa!
- 00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:34,069 You kids can't be in here!
- 00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:35,862 We're not kids.
- 00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:37,489 We're full-grown men with dwarfism!
- 00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:39,533 How dare you assume that all midgets are children!
- 00:11:39,658 --> 00:11:40,742 We demand an apology!
- 00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:43,245 You ain't midgets. Your lips are too full.
- 00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:45,497 Now, get out!
- 00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:47,374 We have to watch the commercials in this show!
- 00:11:47,499 --> 00:11:50,252 Look, this is a bar. We can't have children in here.
- 00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:52,754 People come here for debauchery and sin.
- 00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:54,756 Butters will give hand jobs in the corner for a dollar.
- 00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:57,217 Sure! I'm good at all kinds of jobs.
- 00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:58,719 Get out!
- 00:12:00,137 --> 00:12:00,846 - Aah! - Aah!
- 00:12:00,971 --> 00:12:02,514 Come on! We got to get to a TV!
- 00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:04,725 Oh, you've got to be kidding me!
- 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:18,029 Yes. Is this customer service?
- 00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:20,157 I'm having a problem with my new television.
- 00:12:20,282 --> 00:12:21,324 It sprouted laser guns
- 00:12:21,450 --> 00:12:23,243 and started walking around shooting people.
- 00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:25,412 Uh-huh. Okay.
- 00:12:25,537 --> 00:12:28,540 Oh! So I press "menu" then "function"?
- 00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:32,043 Jesus!
- 00:12:32,169 --> 00:12:33,837 No, that didn't work.
- 00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:37,758 Did I set the internal clock? Uh, no.
- 00:12:37,883 --> 00:12:40,677 Oh, really? Well, how do I do that?
- 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:52,564 Oi!
- 00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:53,857 We're not too late!
- 00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:57,903 Come on, Tugger, old mate. Why are you looking so down?
- 00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:02,199 Tugger's in a bit of a sad state.
- 00:13:02,324 --> 00:13:05,494 Seems his girlfriend and him had a bit of a row last night.
- 00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:10,081 What is this?
- 00:13:10,207 --> 00:13:11,958 Come on. Cheer up, Tugger.
- 00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:13,710 How can I make you feel better?
- 00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:15,045 I know!
- 00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:17,297 How would you like me to sing one of the songs
- 00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:18,965 off me new album?
- 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:22,260 What's that, Tugger?
- 00:13:22,385 --> 00:13:25,263 You say you really love the songs on my album?
- 00:13:27,224 --> 00:13:28,934 All right, then, Tugger!
- 00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:33,396 ♪ You know that you're my baby ♪
- 00:13:33,522 --> 00:13:35,148 ♪ You know I need you now ♪
- 00:13:35,273 --> 00:13:37,609 ♪ Don't know where I'm goin' ♪
- 00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:39,110 ♪ I got to get there somehow ♪
- 00:13:39,236 --> 00:13:41,196 ♪ Yeah, I got to get there somehow ♪
- 00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:45,700 ♪ Got to get there somehow ♪
- 00:13:48,370 --> 00:13:50,247 ♪ You can stay awake tonight ♪
- 00:13:50,372 --> 00:13:54,209 ♪ But I'm gonna sleep in these fluffy clouds ♪
- 00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:55,168 Shout!
- 00:13:55,293 --> 00:13:57,295 ♪ I think I feel your heartbeat ♪
- 00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:59,506 ♪ Can you feel mine? ♪
- 00:13:59,631 --> 00:14:02,801 ♪ Lady looking lovely, got to take your love inside ♪
- 00:14:02,926 --> 00:14:04,010 ♪ I got to take it -- ♪
- 00:14:06,137 --> 00:14:07,138 Tugger!
- 00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:12,310 Tugger shot himself!
- 00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:14,062 Has Russell lost Tugger for good?
- 00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:16,064 Find out after these messages.
- 00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:17,899 Here we go!
- 00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:20,068 Commercial break number two!
- 00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:27,200 Now back to "Russell Crowe: Fightin' 'Round the World"!
- 00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:29,119 That's it? That's all the commercials?
- 00:14:29,244 --> 00:14:31,329 They didn't play the "Terrance & Phillip" trailer again!
- 00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:34,124 I knew it! They're waiting until the very last commercial break!
- 00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:35,166 We're gonna end up watching
- 00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:36,751 this whole retarded Russell Crowe show.
- 00:14:38,962 --> 00:14:40,046 Tugger!
- 00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:43,425 Why'd you do it, Tugger?
- 00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,927 Doctor! Tell me how he is, Doctor!
- 00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:47,762 Well, he's a very sick little tugboat.
- 00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:48,805 What is this?
- 00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:50,932 We want to watch "Puppies From Around the World".
- 00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:52,684 Yeah. We don't like this show.
- 00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:53,685 Shh! Okay?!
- 00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:55,812 Old people need to be quiet right now.
- 00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:57,898 You got to save him, Doc!
- 00:14:58,023 --> 00:15:00,191 Tugger -- He's my best friend!
- 00:15:00,317 --> 00:15:02,068 The only friend in the world who --
- 00:15:02,193 --> 00:15:04,154 H-He's going to live, but -- - Oi!
- 00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:06,656 Don't you interrupt me, you vagina!
- 00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:08,700 I was giving a heart-wrenching soliloquy
- 00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:10,452 about me feelings for Tugger!
- 00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:11,620 Sorry.
- 00:15:11,745 --> 00:15:12,996 Oh, Tugger!
- 00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:16,333 Tugger, the world wouldn't be as bright without you, mate!
- 00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:18,043 Give it to me straight, Doctor!
- 00:15:18,168 --> 00:15:21,171 Will Tugger live? Tell me the truth!
- 00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:23,548 Now? - Yes. Now is fine.
- 00:15:23,673 --> 00:15:26,051 Oh. Uh, your tugboat's going to be okay.
- 00:15:26,176 --> 00:15:29,137 He just needs an oil change and a new steam stack.
- 00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,890 Oodalolly! You hear that, everybody?
- 00:15:32,015 --> 00:15:33,892 Tugger's gonna be okay!
- 00:15:34,017 --> 00:15:36,853 You know what that makes me feel like doin'?
- 00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:38,229 Fightin'!
- 00:15:38,355 --> 00:15:39,439 Aah!
- 00:15:39,564 --> 00:15:41,566 - Oh!
- 00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:44,027 This show is too violent! Put the puppies back on!
- 00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:45,445 Yeah! - Puppies!
- 00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:47,530 Shut up! Shut the hell up!
- 00:15:47,656 --> 00:15:49,407 We're watching this until the next commercial,
- 00:15:49,532 --> 00:15:50,951 and that's final, old people!
- 00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:53,620 All right! That does it! We know how to get our way!
- 00:15:53,745 --> 00:15:56,748 Everyone, on the count of three, release your bowels!
- 00:15:56,873 --> 00:15:58,500 One, two...
- 00:16:02,045 --> 00:16:03,338 Aww!!
- 00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:05,256 Oh, God! It's horrible!
- 00:16:05,382 --> 00:16:07,217 That's disgusting, dude!
- 00:16:07,342 --> 00:16:08,593 God, I hate old people!
- 00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:10,136 We have to go to Butters' or Cartman's house.
- 00:16:10,261 --> 00:16:11,137 We have nowhere else to go!
- 00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:13,264 I told you -- We can't go to my house!
- 00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:14,849 And my house is being fumigated!
- 00:16:14,975 --> 00:16:18,019 We'll watch in your house even if it <i>is</i> being fumigated!
- 00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:19,479 Oh -- Oh, boy! We got to hurry, guys!
- 00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:20,730 Hurry! Hurry!
- 00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:22,315 Come on, you guys!
- 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,322 Turn it on! Turn it on!
- 00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:32,742 Crikey! Ol' Tugger looks healthy, happy, and...
- 00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:34,869 ...fit as a whistle!
- 00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:36,955 It's okay. It's still the show.
- 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,499 But, you know, Tugger's attempted suicide
- 00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:42,711 has made me realize that I should take up a cause.
- 00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:44,879 Most great actors take up causes,
- 00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:46,756 and I'm the greatest of them all!
- 00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:50,427 So from now on, I'm gonna spend all my spare time
- 00:16:50,552 --> 00:16:52,512 fighting cancer.
- 00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:53,346 Right!
- 00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:56,725 Where is that pussy cancer, anyway?!
- 00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:57,892 Oh, dude,
- 00:16:58,018 --> 00:16:59,477 I don't know how long I can take it.
- 00:16:59,602 --> 00:17:00,311 Me neither.
- 00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:01,855 I'll be dead before the commercials.
- 00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:02,856 Wait a minute! I forgot!
- 00:17:02,981 --> 00:17:04,691 There's a black-and-white television back at my house!
- 00:17:04,816 --> 00:17:05,859 Will your sister let us watch it?
- 00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:07,527 She has to!
- 00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:10,572 Hurry! The commercial's gonna be on any minute!
- 00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:14,534 Oh, God! Oh, God!
- 00:17:14,659 --> 00:17:15,952 Oh, Jesus, help me!
- 00:17:16,077 --> 00:17:17,537 Oh! Oh, I've lost a doughnut!
- 00:17:17,662 --> 00:17:19,664 Aah! Aah! Aah!
- 00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:22,834 Oh, my God! Leave no doughnut behind!
- 00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:26,504 Oh, Jesus! Wait! - What?
- 00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:28,131 I never gave Shelly her tampons!
- 00:17:28,256 --> 00:17:30,508 She's been this whole time without them.
- 00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:33,887 Aah!
- 00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:46,357 I told you I needed tampons, turds!
- 00:17:46,483 --> 00:17:47,525 Look!
- 00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:49,694 Crack addicts with a television!
- 00:17:56,242 --> 00:18:01,039 Well, we couldn't find cancer, but we found a man <i>with</i> cancer.
- 00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:03,958 Take that, cancer!
- 00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:05,001 And that!
- 00:18:07,295 --> 00:18:10,340 The last commercial break has to be coming any second!
- 00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:12,342 Aah!
- 00:18:12,467 --> 00:18:14,135 Aah! - Aah!
- 00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:20,225 Yes, I pressed "menu" three times.
- 00:18:20,350 --> 00:18:22,811 No. It's giving me the same error message!
- 00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:25,105 Yes, I read the instruction manual.
- 00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:27,357 Where do we go?!
- 00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:28,650 Oh, Jesus. Now where do we go?!
- 00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:29,692 We've tried everywhere!
- 00:18:29,818 --> 00:18:31,820 Butters, are you absolutely sure we can't go to your house?
- 00:18:31,945 --> 00:18:33,321 I'm sure. There's no way!
- 00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:34,739 Why not? - Because!
- 00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:38,284 My parents are out of town, and I don't have a babysitter!
- 00:18:39,494 --> 00:18:41,329 Oh, God damn it, you'd better be kidding.
- 00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:43,248 No! I really don't have a babysitter.
- 00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:45,083 That's why I'm staying at Stan's.
- 00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:47,418 This whole time, your TV is in a house with nobody in it?!
- 00:18:47,544 --> 00:18:50,338 Come on! Let's just go! We'll kill Butters later!
- 00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:55,468 Turn it on! Turn it on! Turn it on!
- 00:18:55,593 --> 00:18:58,847 And so we'll be right back after these commercials.
- 00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:00,014 We made it!
- 00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:03,226 The last commercial break is starting!
- 00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:05,812 Don't go anywhere.
- 00:19:05,937 --> 00:19:09,482 Russell Crowe will be right back after a few more commercials!
- 00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:13,361 These commercials are all so Goddamn stupid!
- 00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,780 Jesus Christ! How long is this commercial break gonna be?
- 00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:17,824 What if they don't show the "Terrance & Phillip" trailer at all?
- 00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:19,242 What if we went through all this for nothing?
- 00:19:19,367 --> 00:19:21,703 They have to show it! They promised they would!
- 00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:22,704 You guys, calm down.
- 00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:23,997 This is what TV shows always do.
- 00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:25,999 They make the last commercial break the longest.
- 00:19:26,124 --> 00:19:28,001 That's bullcrap! TV shows are gay!
- 00:19:28,126 --> 00:19:29,586 Wait a minute! Look!
- 00:19:29,711 --> 00:19:32,297 "The following preview is --" This is it! This is it!
- 00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:33,923 Coming this summer,
- 00:19:34,048 --> 00:19:37,468 the greatest Canadian duo of all time is back.
- 00:20:11,878 --> 00:20:14,255 Whoo-hoo! - Yeah!
- 00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:16,424 That looks awesome! - They were wearing cowboy hats!
- 00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:17,508 Did you see?! Did you see?!
- 00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:18,635 Clyde! Clyde! Did you see it?!
- 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,261 Yeah! Oh, we think it's gonna be good, too!
- 00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:21,763 I'm so glad we didn't miss it!
- 00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:24,182 You guys, Clyde said he taped it and kids can come over to see!
- 00:20:24,307 --> 00:20:25,225 Oh, dude, let's go!
- 00:20:25,350 --> 00:20:26,684 It looks even better than their first movie!
- 00:20:26,809 --> 00:20:27,685 Yeah, it sure does!
- 00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:28,937 I wonder if it's all a Western!
- 00:20:29,062 --> 00:20:30,980 How far away is June?
- 00:20:31,105 --> 00:20:33,942 Well, we sure had a good time today, didn't we, kids?
- 00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:36,319 We fought some Chinamen, a few Packers,
- 00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:39,280 and a lot of Colombians, to name just a few.
- 00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:43,284 But I sure am glad we got old Wally B. Back, aren't you?
- 00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:45,787 I'm glad to be back, Russell!
- 00:20:47,288 --> 00:20:48,790 Oh, my God. It's Russell Crowe!
- 00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:51,042 "Oh, my God! It's Russell Crowe!
- 00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:52,919 Oh, my -- bluh-bluh-bluh"!
- 00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:55,421 Why don't you go flush yourself down a toilet, you c--
- 00:20:57,966 --> 00:21:00,260 Uh-oh. Tugger's whistle.
- 00:21:00,385 --> 00:21:02,136 You know what that means.
- 00:21:02,262 --> 00:21:04,430 ♪ Tugger's whistle's blowin' ♪
- 00:21:04,555 --> 00:21:06,599 ♪ Means we must be goin' ♪
- 00:21:06,724 --> 00:21:10,687 ♪ No more Russell Crowein' for you ♪
- 00:21:10,812 --> 00:21:12,939 ♪ But now, don't you start to whine ♪
- 00:21:13,064 --> 00:21:15,108 ♪ I'll see you again next time ♪
- 00:21:15,233 --> 00:21:19,279 ♪ 'Cause there's plenty more a-fightin' left to do ♪
- 00:21:19,404 --> 00:21:21,781 ♪ Making movies, making songs ♪
- 00:21:21,906 --> 00:21:25,451 ♪ And fightin' 'round the world ♪
- 00:21:25,576 --> 00:21:27,245 See you next time, everybody!
- 00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:34,627 So I'm supposed to press "menu," then "function," then "enter."
- 00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:11,929 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:14,140 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:00:14,265 --> 00:00:15,641 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:18,602 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,021 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:00:20,146 --> 00:00:22,064 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
- 00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:25,317 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:00:25,443 --> 00:00:27,153 ♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪
- 00:00:27,278 --> 00:00:29,071 ♪ Timmy, Timmy, liv-a-la, Timmy! ♪
- 00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:32,742 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:37,747 This is gonna be so awesome!
- 00:00:37,872 --> 00:00:38,789 Do we have everything?
- 00:00:38,914 --> 00:00:41,167 Chips, pop, cookies, Kleenex, toilet paper, flares.
- 00:00:41,292 --> 00:00:42,960 We won't have to leave the TV room for anything.
- 00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:44,962 All right! - Look. It's almost time!
- 00:00:45,087 --> 00:00:48,466 [Announcer ] Up next on HBC, "The Russell Crowe Show".
- 00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:50,926 All right. Here we go. [ Mid-tempo music plays ]
- 00:00:51,052 --> 00:00:53,429 ♪ Born in New Zealand in '64 ♪
- 00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,848 ♪ A hotheaded actor named Russell Crowe ♪
- 00:00:55,973 --> 00:00:58,309 ♪ He loves to act, but he loves one thing more ♪
- 00:00:58,434 --> 00:01:00,770 ♪ Fightin' 'round the world ♪
- 00:01:00,895 --> 00:01:03,064 ♪ He fights his directors, and he fights his fans ♪
- 00:01:03,189 --> 00:01:04,982 ♪ It's a problem no one understands ♪
- 00:01:05,107 --> 00:01:07,902 ♪ If there's two things he loves, it's fighting and ♪
- 00:01:08,027 --> 00:01:10,446 ♪ Fightin' 'round the world ♪
- 00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,490 ♪ Making movies, making music ♪
- 00:01:12,615 --> 00:01:16,577 ♪ And fightin' 'round the world ♪
- 00:01:16,702 --> 00:01:18,204 Russell Crowe!
- 00:01:18,329 --> 00:01:19,955 [Australian accent ] Hello, everybody.
- 00:01:20,081 --> 00:01:21,248 I'm Russell Crowe,
- 00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:24,085 and this is "Fightin' 'Round the World".
- 00:01:24,210 --> 00:01:26,087 We're gonna have lots of fun today
- 00:01:26,212 --> 00:01:29,673 as we travel all around and look for some good --
- 00:01:29,799 --> 00:01:33,302 Hey! What the hell do you think you're doin'?!
- 00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:35,262 You walked right through my shot, mate!
- 00:01:35,387 --> 00:01:36,514 Do you know who I am?!
- 00:01:36,639 --> 00:01:38,766 Oh, excuse me. I was just --
- 00:01:38,891 --> 00:01:41,018 [ Russell Crowe ] Goddamn smart-ass!
- 00:01:41,143 --> 00:01:42,061 You think you can --
- 00:01:42,186 --> 00:01:44,188 Shelly, we're watching that. Go back!
- 00:01:44,313 --> 00:01:46,190 Shut up, turd! I'm watching <i>Buffy.</i>
- 00:01:46,315 --> 00:01:49,110 No, Shelly. We have to watch HBC!
- 00:01:49,235 --> 00:01:50,194 [ Grunts ]
- 00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:52,363 Get up! Get up, you little pussy!
- 00:01:52,488 --> 00:01:53,489 "The Russell Crowe Show"?
- 00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,449 You turds don't even like that show!
- 00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:56,826 It's not the show we care about.
- 00:01:56,951 --> 00:01:58,869 During one of the commercial breaks of tonight's episode,
- 00:01:58,994 --> 00:02:00,955 they're gonna show the exclusive never-before-seen trailer
- 00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:02,623 to the new "Terrance & Phillip" movie!
- 00:02:02,748 --> 00:02:04,041 It's the biggest night of the year!
- 00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:05,042 That's stupid!
- 00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:06,627 See your turdy trailer some other time.
- 00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:09,130 The other kids are gonna watch it and talk about it in school!
- 00:02:09,255 --> 00:02:10,131 No, turds.
- 00:02:10,256 --> 00:02:12,383 Shelly, did I ever tell you how hot I think you are?
- 00:02:12,508 --> 00:02:13,801 Shut up, fat turd!
- 00:02:13,926 --> 00:02:15,678 I'm not a fat turd! I'm a stocky turd!
- 00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:17,471 We're not watching this.
- 00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:19,265 Come on! - Look, I apologize.
- 00:02:19,390 --> 00:02:20,933 But, Shelly, it's "The Russell Crowe Show"!
- 00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:23,310 You said there's nothing you love more than Russell Crowe.
- 00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:25,646 There is one thing I love more than Russell Crowe,
- 00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:28,816 and that is seeing you unhappy, so <i>Buffy</i> it is.
- 00:02:28,941 --> 00:02:30,526 Shelly, please let us watch!
- 00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:32,611 We'll do anything! Anything!
- 00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:33,821 All right.
- 00:02:33,946 --> 00:02:36,782 I just started my period, and I need tampons.
- 00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:39,410 If one of you turds go buy them at the store for me,
- 00:02:39,535 --> 00:02:41,162 you can watch your stupid turd show
- 00:02:41,287 --> 00:02:44,123 with your stupid turd movie commercial in it!
- 00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:46,292 Okay. Deal.
- 00:02:46,417 --> 00:02:50,254 And they better be here when I come back downstairs, turds!
- 00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:53,841 Well, that was a lot of fun, wasn't it, kids?
- 00:02:53,966 --> 00:02:56,302 But it looks like if we're gonna get in more fights,
- 00:02:56,427 --> 00:02:58,137 we're gonna have to go look for 'em!
- 00:02:58,262 --> 00:02:59,471 Dude, why'd you make that deal?
- 00:02:59,597 --> 00:03:01,557 If we're out buying tampons, we'll miss the trailer anyway!
- 00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:02,474 Yeah!
- 00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:04,685 Well, only one of us has to go to the store.
- 00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:07,021 The others can watch. - You'd miss the new trailer?
- 00:03:07,146 --> 00:03:09,231 Dude, I'm not going. - We'll have to play for it.
- 00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:12,026 How about if your name is Butters, you have to go?
- 00:03:12,151 --> 00:03:13,819 Okay. So what's your name? - Stan.
- 00:03:13,944 --> 00:03:15,779 Stan. Okay. What's your name? - Kyle.
- 00:03:15,905 --> 00:03:18,199 Kyle. What's your name? - Butters!
- 00:03:18,324 --> 00:03:19,450 Aw, I lose, huh?
- 00:03:19,575 --> 00:03:20,993 Oh, yeah, Butters, you lose.
- 00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:22,953 - Sorry. Tough break. Just hurry, Butters.
- 00:03:23,078 --> 00:03:25,080 You can probably make it back before the first commercial.
- 00:03:25,206 --> 00:03:27,958 Oh, Jesus! I got to run like the wind!
- 00:03:28,083 --> 00:03:29,877 [ Russell Crowe ] Seems like no one else here wants to fight.
- 00:03:30,002 --> 00:03:31,295 Dude, thank God for stupid people.
- 00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:32,004 Amen.
- 00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:34,006 Let's ask our old friend Tugger.
- 00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:36,217 Where should we go fight people next, Tugger?
- 00:03:36,342 --> 00:03:37,593 [ Horn toots ]
- 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,053 Great idea!
- 00:03:39,178 --> 00:03:42,556 Tugger thinks we should go to the faraway country of China.
- 00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:45,184 China's one of the oldest civilizations on Earth,
- 00:03:45,309 --> 00:03:47,895 and from what I understand, they love a good fight!
- 00:03:48,020 --> 00:03:49,230 So let's go!
- 00:03:49,355 --> 00:03:50,940 [ Horn tooting ]
- 00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:53,067 Oh, my God! It's Russell Crowe!
- 00:03:53,192 --> 00:03:55,319 [ Mockingly ] "Oh, my God! It's Russell Crowe!
- 00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:57,738 "Oh, my -- muh-bluh-bluh-bluh-bluh"!
- 00:03:57,863 --> 00:04:00,783 Why don't you mind your own business, you scrotum?!
- 00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:01,825 [ Grunts ]
- 00:04:01,951 --> 00:04:04,203 ♪ Making movies, making songs ♪
- 00:04:04,328 --> 00:04:06,038 ♪ And fightin' 'round the world ♪
- 00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:08,165 Dude, why is this guy always beating everybody up?
- 00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:10,584 ♪ What a glorious day to spend away ♪
- 00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:12,711 ♪ Fightin' 'round the world ♪
- 00:04:12,836 --> 00:04:15,130 [ Whistling ]
- 00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:18,926 What's wrong with the colors on your TV, Stan?
- 00:04:19,051 --> 00:04:20,886 They're all saturated. - They look fine to me.
- 00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:23,472 [ Whistling ]
- 00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:24,807 Just don't mess with it, Cartman.
- 00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:26,433 No, no. The cable wire must be loose.
- 00:04:26,558 --> 00:04:27,518 J-Just leave it alone.
- 00:04:27,643 --> 00:04:29,812 Do you want to see the trailer with messed-up colors?
- 00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:30,854 I don't.
- 00:04:30,980 --> 00:04:32,022 How's that? [ Static ]
- 00:04:32,147 --> 00:04:32,898 That's worse!
- 00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:34,233 Okay. How about that?
- 00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:36,527 [ Crackling, explosion ]
- 00:04:40,239 --> 00:04:41,573 Dude! - God damn it, Cartman!
- 00:04:41,699 --> 00:04:43,117 You broke it! - It was just --
- 00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:45,619 I just... Butters, you asshole!
- 00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:47,246 Dude, the commercials could start any time!
- 00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:48,998 I don't think we're watching them on this TV.
- 00:04:49,123 --> 00:04:51,250 God damn it! Come on! We can watch it at my house!
- 00:04:51,375 --> 00:04:53,502 Get all the stuff!
- 00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,421 Hey, fellas! I got the tampons!
- 00:04:55,546 --> 00:04:57,047 I didn't miss it, did I?
- 00:04:57,172 --> 00:04:58,590 We're going to Kyle's house to watch!
- 00:04:58,716 --> 00:04:59,967 Oh, geez!
- 00:05:00,092 --> 00:05:02,177 [ Breathing heavily ]
- 00:05:02,303 --> 00:05:03,429 Oh, geez. Oh, geez.
- 00:05:03,554 --> 00:05:06,265 Hurry! We can't miss the commercials!
- 00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:09,560 [ Gasping ]
- 00:05:09,685 --> 00:05:11,979 [ TV ] But the Palestinian government
- 00:05:12,104 --> 00:05:14,940 uh, is not going to see any for future...
- 00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:16,358 [ Breathing heavily ]
- 00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:18,235 Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!
- 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:21,947 And so here we are in history-rich China!
- 00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:23,949 We made it! It hasn't gone to commercials yet!
- 00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:25,034 [All ] - Whew!
- 00:05:25,159 --> 00:05:26,702 Hey, ima turnl bat.
- 00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:28,454 Oh! Oh, my God! Oh!
- 00:05:28,579 --> 00:05:30,039 Ba-ba-ba-ba! - No, Ike.
- 00:05:30,164 --> 00:05:31,040 They're playing the trailer
- 00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:32,583 to the new "Terrance & Phillip" movie during the show,
- 00:05:32,708 --> 00:05:33,751 and we have to watch it!
- 00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:38,130 This is Tiananmen Square.
- 00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:41,091 Lots of good fighting has gone on here throughout the years,
- 00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:46,013 including a fantastic massacre that took place back in '93.
- 00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,141 [ Speaking indistinctly ]
- 00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:52,519 These Chinamen can grow to over five feet tall
- 00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:56,023 and in a fight are known to kick with their legs.
- 00:05:56,148 --> 00:05:58,275 Let's see if we can get in for a closer look.
- 00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:00,611 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- 00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:02,571 Oi!
- 00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,365 I've gotten close enough now
- 00:06:04,490 --> 00:06:06,992 that they're starting to get real frightened.
- 00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:09,286 You can see the fine hairs on the back of their necks
- 00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:11,372 standing on end.
- 00:06:11,497 --> 00:06:12,748 Gotcha, mate!
- 00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:15,292 [ Shouting in Chinese ]
- 00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:16,835 Oh, you want to fight, huh?!
- 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:19,046 Think you can take me, you little buggers?!
- 00:06:19,171 --> 00:06:20,672 [ Grunts ]
- 00:06:20,798 --> 00:06:22,007 [ Speaking Chinese ]
- 00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:24,635 [ Indistinct shouting ]
- 00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:26,303 [ Whistle blows ]
- 00:06:26,428 --> 00:06:29,765 God. When is this gonna get to the commercials?
- 00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:32,434 Kyle, Ike says you kicked him off the TV.
- 00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,311 They're going to show the new "Terrance & Phillip" trailer!
- 00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:36,188 You know your brother watches "MacNeil/Lehrer Report"
- 00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:37,272 every night at 10:00.
- 00:06:37,398 --> 00:06:40,067 It has a bunny wubbit ona night.
- 00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:42,361 But, Dad, this is all the never-before-seen footage!
- 00:06:42,486 --> 00:06:43,362 It doesn't matter.
- 00:06:43,487 --> 00:06:46,156 10:00 to 11:00 is Ike's time to watch "MacNeil/Lehrer".
- 00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:48,867 God damn it! Come on, guys. We got to go to Butters' house.
- 00:06:48,992 --> 00:06:50,828 - Aw! - [ Groans ]
- 00:06:50,953 --> 00:06:53,247 W-Wait, fellas. We can't go to my house.
- 00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:55,457 We can't go to my house either. It's being fumigated!
- 00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:56,458 Aah! Wait!
- 00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:58,544 Chef just got a plasma-screen TV with surround sound.
- 00:06:58,669 --> 00:07:00,212 Let's go to his house! Come on!
- 00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:04,049 [ TV]...taken place there all these years is sure to continue
- 00:07:04,174 --> 00:07:06,468 until the governments of these regions
- 00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:08,220 can actually come about some resolution...
- 00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:10,222 Isa birdie fly.
- 00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:14,017 [ Breathing heavily ]
- 00:07:14,143 --> 00:07:15,602 [ Insects chirping ]
- 00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:18,856 [ Grunts ] You guys. I'm seriously.
- 00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:20,649 God damn it.
- 00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:23,277 If we miss the commercials, I'll never forgive my brother!
- 00:07:23,402 --> 00:07:25,404 Oh. Hello, there, children.
- 00:07:25,529 --> 00:07:26,822 [All ] Hey, Chef!
- 00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,782 Uh, how's it going?
- 00:07:28,907 --> 00:07:29,867 [ Remote beeping ]
- 00:07:29,992 --> 00:07:31,869 Oh, you wanted to see the new TV, huh?
- 00:07:31,994 --> 00:07:33,287 Pretty cool, ain't it? - Yeah, yeah.
- 00:07:33,412 --> 00:07:35,414 - How do you change the channels? I don't know.
- 00:07:35,539 --> 00:07:37,708 This TV has more features than a space shuttle.
- 00:07:37,833 --> 00:07:39,751 I can't figure it out at all.
- 00:07:39,877 --> 00:07:41,545 ...bloomin' Taj Mahal. - You got it! You got it!
- 00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:43,922 Freakin' Indies really put up a fight!
- 00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:45,716 We made it! - Oh, thank God!
- 00:07:45,841 --> 00:07:46,884 Russell Crowe?
- 00:07:47,009 --> 00:07:48,552 Children, you shouldn't be watching a show
- 00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:51,221 about a man who beats people up because he's insecure.
- 00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:52,931 We don't give two craps about Russell Crowe, Chef.
- 00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:54,850 We just want to see the trailer
- 00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,810 that's supposed to play during the commercials.
- 00:07:56,935 --> 00:07:57,895 All right, everyone.
- 00:07:58,020 --> 00:08:00,147 We're gonna take our first commercial break.
- 00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:02,024 But be sure not to go anywhere,
- 00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:04,443 because there's lots more people to beat up!
- 00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:07,237 Here they come! - The commercials!
- 00:08:09,865 --> 00:08:12,868 [ TV ] Now back to "Russell Crowe: Fightin' 'Round the World"!
- 00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,119 [All ] Aww!
- 00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:15,412 Aw! They didn't play it!
- 00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:17,164 They didn't show the "Terrance & Phillip" trailer.
- 00:08:17,289 --> 00:08:18,582 I knew they wouldn't play it
- 00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:19,791 during the first commercial break.
- 00:08:19,917 --> 00:08:21,084 They want everyone to stick around
- 00:08:21,210 --> 00:08:22,419 and watch more of this retarded show.
- 00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:24,838 ♪ Making movies, making songs ♪
- 00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:26,757 ♪ And fightin' 'round the world ♪
- 00:08:26,882 --> 00:08:27,591 Oi!
- 00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:29,885 Now Tugger's brought me to one of the greatest places
- 00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:33,013 for fightin' in North America -- Brooklyn, New York.
- 00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:34,264 Lots of minorities here,
- 00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:36,433 and they don't take kindly to <i>whitey.</i>
- 00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:38,477 Let's get a closer look. Come on, Tugger!
- 00:08:38,602 --> 00:08:40,812 [ Horn toots ]
- 00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,736 Looks like we got some black people
- 00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,196 and some Puerto Ricans.
- 00:08:49,321 --> 00:08:51,448 Notice the colorful rags on their heads,
- 00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:53,325 meaning they could be part of a gang
- 00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:55,786 and therefore, real used to fightin'.
- 00:08:58,956 --> 00:09:01,375 Look at that guy over there. Ain't that that "Gladiator" guy?
- 00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:02,209 Where?
- 00:09:02,334 --> 00:09:04,086 Behind that plant, next to that tugboat.
- 00:09:05,921 --> 00:09:07,756 Oh, yeah. I think it is.
- 00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:10,050 [ Mockingly ] "Oh, my God! It's the 'Gladiator' guy!
- 00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:12,636 "Oh, my God! I've never seen an actor before!"
- 00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:16,473 Why don't you choke on some pig vomit, you stupid sods?!
- 00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:18,600 Why can't this guy control his temper?
- 00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:19,434 Well?!
- 00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:21,728 You all just gonna stand there or are you gonna fight?!
- 00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:23,188 [ Grunts ]
- 00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:25,482 Oi! Crikey! You done it now!
- 00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:26,984 This TV is great, Chef.
- 00:09:27,109 --> 00:09:29,403 Yeah, and it's got all kinds of cool features, too.
- 00:09:29,528 --> 00:09:30,612 Check this out.
- 00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:32,447 You can watch three channels all at once.
- 00:09:32,573 --> 00:09:34,449 I think if you hit this button here --
- 00:09:34,575 --> 00:09:35,450 No. No. Wait.
- 00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:37,202 You hit this button here.
- 00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:39,246 No. That's not it. Let's see.
- 00:09:39,371 --> 00:09:41,373 "Menu"... "Function"...
- 00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:43,542 Put it back, Chef. More commercials might come on.
- 00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:45,669 Let's see. "Menu." Aw, damn it.
- 00:09:45,794 --> 00:09:48,088 Get it back to normal, Chef! - I'm trying, children!
- 00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:49,631 "Menu", "back", "function", "enter"...
- 00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:52,509 No. No. Back! "H.E.M."!
- 00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:53,510 [ Whirring ]
- 00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:55,887 [ TV in Robotic Voice ] Human eradication mode active.
- 00:09:57,556 --> 00:10:00,726 [ Whirring ]
- 00:10:07,065 --> 00:10:09,359 Oh, God damn it! - The TV left!
- 00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:11,361 But the next commercials will be on soon!
- 00:10:11,486 --> 00:10:13,572 Come on! We got to go somewhere else!
- 00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:16,491 [ Tires screech ]
- 00:10:16,617 --> 00:10:17,534 - [ Screams ] - Oh, my God!
- 00:10:17,659 --> 00:10:20,203 [ Breathing heavily ]
- 00:10:20,329 --> 00:10:21,580 Where do we go? Where do we go?
- 00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:24,041 The bar! They've got a TV at the bar!
- 00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:27,419 Aah! Aah!
- 00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:28,837 I'm dying!
- 00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,505 [ Indistinct conversations ]
- 00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:32,924 [ Breathing heavily ]
- 00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:34,384 [ Click, static ]
- 00:10:34,509 --> 00:10:38,138 You fight like Norwegians, you fairies!
- 00:10:38,263 --> 00:10:39,431 [All ] Phew!
- 00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:41,099 We made it. - This is killing me.
- 00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:43,560 The human body was not meant to move quickly like that.
- 00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:45,312 These are the Florida Keys,
- 00:10:45,437 --> 00:10:48,231 a remote island chain just a few miles from --
- 00:10:48,357 --> 00:10:50,150 Oi! Wait a minute!
- 00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:52,611 Wasn't I just in Brooklyn fighting minorities?
- 00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:53,987 What happened with that?!
- 00:10:54,112 --> 00:10:55,197 [ Horn toots ]
- 00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:57,157 It's that goddamn editor!
- 00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:59,451 He cut the Brooklyn scene short!
- 00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:02,037 Tugger, I'm gonna get him!
- 00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:05,082 Yeah, I'm just working.
- 00:11:05,207 --> 00:11:06,875 I'll probably be done around 7:00.
- 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,835 [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:10,962 Who the hell do you think you are?!
- 00:11:11,088 --> 00:11:12,047 I'm the editor.
- 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,674 I know you're the bloomin' editor!
- 00:11:13,799 --> 00:11:15,175 I mean who do you think you are
- 00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:17,636 cuttin' one of my fightin' scenes short?!
- 00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:19,346 Dude, the director said to cut it!
- 00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:20,889 My fightin' is poetry!
- 00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:24,393 You don't edit Russell Crowe's poetry, you testicle!
- 00:11:26,228 --> 00:11:28,313 [ Grunts ]
- 00:11:28,939 --> 00:11:30,816 Well, that guy is just plain nuts.
- 00:11:30,941 --> 00:11:32,484 Hey! Hey! Hey! Whoa!
- 00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:34,069 You kids can't be in here!
- 00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:35,862 We're not kids.
- 00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:37,489 We're full-grown men with dwarfism!
- 00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:39,533 How dare you assume that all midgets are children!
- 00:11:39,658 --> 00:11:40,742 We demand an apology!
- 00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:43,245 You ain't midgets. Your lips are too full.
- 00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:45,497 Now, get out!
- 00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:47,374 We have to watch the commercials in this show!
- 00:11:47,499 --> 00:11:50,252 Look, this is a bar. We can't have children in here.
- 00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:52,754 People come here for debauchery and sin.
- 00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:54,756 Butters will give hand jobs in the corner for a dollar.
- 00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:57,217 Sure! I'm good at all kinds of jobs.
- 00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:58,719 Get out!
- 00:12:00,137 --> 00:12:00,846 - Aah! - Aah!
- 00:12:00,971 --> 00:12:02,514 Come on! We got to get to a TV!
- 00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:04,725 Oh, you've got to be kidding me!
- 00:12:04,850 --> 00:12:06,810 [ Whirring ]
- 00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:10,063 [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:18,029 Yes. Is this customer service?
- 00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:20,157 I'm having a problem with my new television.
- 00:12:20,282 --> 00:12:21,324 It sprouted laser guns
- 00:12:21,450 --> 00:12:23,243 and started walking around shooting people.
- 00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:25,412 Uh-huh. Okay.
- 00:12:25,537 --> 00:12:28,540 Oh! So I press "menu" then "function"?
- 00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:32,043 Jesus! [ Screams ]
- 00:12:32,169 --> 00:12:33,837 No, that didn't work.
- 00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:37,758 Did I set the internal clock? Uh, no.
- 00:12:37,883 --> 00:12:40,677 Oh, really? Well, how do I do that?
- 00:12:40,802 --> 00:12:42,095 [ Woman screaming ]
- 00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:45,223 [ Insects chirping ]
- 00:12:45,348 --> 00:12:47,726 [ Boys shouting indistinctly ]
- 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:52,564 Oi!
- 00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:53,857 We're not too late!
- 00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:57,903 Come on, Tugger, old mate. Why are you looking so down?
- 00:12:58,028 --> 00:13:00,280 [ Horn toots sadly ]
- 00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:02,199 Tugger's in a bit of a sad state.
- 00:13:02,324 --> 00:13:05,494 Seems his girlfriend and him had a bit of a row last night.
- 00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:08,580 [ Horn toots sadly ]
- 00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:10,081 What is this?
- 00:13:10,207 --> 00:13:11,958 Come on. Cheer up, Tugger.
- 00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:13,710 How can I make you feel better?
- 00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:15,045 I know!
- 00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:17,297 How would you like me to sing one of the songs
- 00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:18,965 off me new album?
- 00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:21,176 [ Tooting negatively ]
- 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:22,260 What's that, Tugger?
- 00:13:22,385 --> 00:13:25,263 You say you really love the songs on my album?
- 00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:27,098 [ Tooting loudly ]
- 00:13:27,224 --> 00:13:28,934 All right, then, Tugger!
- 00:13:29,059 --> 00:13:31,061 [ Playing mid-tempo music ]
- 00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:33,396 ♪ You know that you're my baby ♪
- 00:13:33,522 --> 00:13:35,148 [ Tooting negatively ] ♪ You know I need you now ♪
- 00:13:35,273 --> 00:13:37,609 [ Horn toots angrily ] - ♪ Don't know where I'm goin' ♪
- 00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:39,110 ♪ I got to get there somehow ♪
- 00:13:39,236 --> 00:13:41,196 ♪ Yeah, I got to get there somehow ♪
- 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:42,656 [ Horn toots angrily ]
- 00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:45,700 ♪ Got to get there somehow ♪
- 00:13:45,826 --> 00:13:48,245 [ Horn toots sadly ]
- 00:13:48,370 --> 00:13:50,247 ♪ You can stay awake tonight ♪
- 00:13:50,372 --> 00:13:54,209 ♪ But I'm gonna sleep in these fluffy clouds ♪
- 00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:55,168 Shout!
- 00:13:55,293 --> 00:13:57,295 ♪ I think I feel your heartbeat ♪
- 00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:59,506 ♪ Can you feel mine? ♪
- 00:13:59,631 --> 00:14:02,801 ♪ Lady looking lovely, got to take your love inside ♪
- 00:14:02,926 --> 00:14:04,010 ♪ I got to take it -- ♪
- 00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:06,012 [ Gunshot ]
- 00:14:06,137 --> 00:14:07,138 Tugger!
- 00:14:07,264 --> 00:14:10,141 [ Sea gulls crying ]
- 00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:12,310 Tugger shot himself!
- 00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:14,062 [Announcer ] Has Russell lost Tugger for good?
- 00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:16,064 Find out after these messages.
- 00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:17,899 [ Mid-tempo music plays ] Here we go!
- 00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:20,068 Commercial break number two!
- 00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:22,320 [ Rock music plays ]
- 00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:27,200 MAN: Now back to "Russell Crowe: Fightin' 'Round the World"!
- 00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:29,119 That's it? That's all the commercials?
- 00:14:29,244 --> 00:14:31,329 They didn't play the "Terrance & Phillip" trailer again!
- 00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:34,124 I knew it! They're waiting until the very last commercial break!
- 00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:35,166 We're gonna end up watching
- 00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:36,751 this whole retarded Russell Crowe show.
- 00:14:36,877 --> 00:14:38,837 [ Sobbing ]
- 00:14:38,962 --> 00:14:40,046 Tugger!
- 00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:43,425 Why'd you do it, Tugger? [ Sobs ]
- 00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,927 Doctor! Tell me how he is, Doctor!
- 00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:47,762 Well, he's a very sick little tugboat.
- 00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:48,805 What is this?
- 00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:50,932 We want to watch "Puppies From Around the World".
- 00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:52,684 Yeah. We don't like this show.
- 00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:53,685 Shh! Okay?!
- 00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:55,812 Old people need to be quiet right now.
- 00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:57,898 You got to save him, Doc!
- 00:14:58,023 --> 00:15:00,191 Tugger -- He's my best friend!
- 00:15:00,317 --> 00:15:02,068 The only friend in the world who --
- 00:15:02,193 --> 00:15:04,154 H-He's going to live, but -- - Oi!
- 00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:06,656 Don't you interrupt me, you vagina!
- 00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:08,700 I was giving a heart-wrenching soliloquy
- 00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:10,452 about me feelings for Tugger!
- 00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:11,620 Sorry.
- 00:15:11,745 --> 00:15:12,996 Oh, Tugger!
- 00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:16,333 Tugger, the world wouldn't be as bright without you, mate!
- 00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:18,043 Give it to me straight, Doctor!
- 00:15:18,168 --> 00:15:21,171 Will Tugger live? Tell me the truth!
- 00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:23,548 Now? - Yes. Now is fine.
- 00:15:23,673 --> 00:15:26,051 Oh. Uh, your tugboat's going to be okay.
- 00:15:26,176 --> 00:15:29,137 He just needs an oil change and a new steam stack.
- 00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,890 Oodalolly! You hear that, everybody?
- 00:15:32,015 --> 00:15:33,892 Tugger's gonna be okay!
- 00:15:34,017 --> 00:15:36,853 You know what that makes me feel like doin'?
- 00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:38,229 Fightin'!
- 00:15:38,355 --> 00:15:39,439 Aah!
- 00:15:39,564 --> 00:15:41,566 - Oh! [ Grunts ]
- 00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:44,027 This show is too violent! Put the puppies back on!
- 00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:45,445 Yeah! - Puppies!
- 00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:47,530 Shut up! Shut the hell up!
- 00:15:47,656 --> 00:15:49,407 We're watching this until the next commercial,
- 00:15:49,532 --> 00:15:50,951 and that's final, old people!
- 00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:53,620 All right! That does it! We know how to get our way!
- 00:15:53,745 --> 00:15:56,748 Everyone, on the count of three, release your bowels!
- 00:15:56,873 --> 00:15:58,500 One, two...
- 00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:01,920 [All farting ]
- 00:16:02,045 --> 00:16:03,338 [All ] Aww!!
- 00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:05,256 Oh, God! It's horrible!
- 00:16:05,382 --> 00:16:07,217 That's disgusting, dude!
- 00:16:07,342 --> 00:16:08,593 God, I hate old people!
- 00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:10,136 We have to go to Butters' or Cartman's house.
- 00:16:10,261 --> 00:16:11,137 We have nowhere else to go!
- 00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:13,264 I told you -- We can't go to my house!
- 00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:14,849 And my house is being fumigated!
- 00:16:14,975 --> 00:16:18,019 We'll watch in your house even if it <i>is</i> being fumigated!
- 00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:19,479 Oh -- Oh, boy! We got to hurry, guys!
- 00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:20,730 Hurry! Hurry!
- 00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:22,315 Come on, you guys!
- 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,567 [ Breathing heavily, gasping ]
- 00:16:24,693 --> 00:16:27,195 [ Insects chirping ]
- 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,322 [ Coughs ] Turn it on! Turn it on!
- 00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:32,742 Crikey! Ol' Tugger looks healthy, happy, and...
- 00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:34,869 [ Whistles ] ...fit as a whistle!
- 00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:36,955 It's okay. It's still the show.
- 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,499 But, you know, Tugger's attempted suicide
- 00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:42,711 has made me realize that I should take up a cause.
- 00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:44,879 Most great actors take up causes,
- 00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:46,756 and I'm the greatest of them all!
- 00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:50,427 So from now on, I'm gonna spend all my spare time
- 00:16:50,552 --> 00:16:52,512 fighting cancer.
- 00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:53,346 Right!
- 00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:56,725 Where is that pussy cancer, anyway?!
- 00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:57,892 [ Weakly ] Oh, dude,
- 00:16:58,018 --> 00:16:59,477 I don't know how long I can take it.
- 00:16:59,602 --> 00:17:00,311 Me neither.
- 00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:01,855 I'll be dead before the commercials.
- 00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:02,856 Wait a minute! I forgot!
- 00:17:02,981 --> 00:17:04,691 There's a black-and-white television back at my house!
- 00:17:04,816 --> 00:17:05,859 Will your sister let us watch it?
- 00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:07,527 She has to!
- 00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:10,572 Hurry! The commercial's gonna be on any minute!
- 00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:12,657 [ Insects chirping ]
- 00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:14,534 [ Breathing heavily ] Oh, God! Oh, God!
- 00:17:14,659 --> 00:17:15,952 Oh, Jesus, help me!
- 00:17:16,077 --> 00:17:17,537 Oh! Oh, I've lost a doughnut!
- 00:17:17,662 --> 00:17:19,664 Aah! Aah! Aah!
- 00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:22,834 Oh, my God! Leave no doughnut behind!
- 00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:24,544 [ Breathing heavily ]
- 00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:26,504 Oh, Jesus! Wait! - What?
- 00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:28,131 I never gave Shelly her tampons!
- 00:17:28,256 --> 00:17:30,508 She's been this whole time without them.
- 00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:33,887 [All ] Aah!
- 00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:36,514 [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:46,357 I told you I needed tampons, turds!
- 00:17:46,483 --> 00:17:47,525 [ Gasps ] Look!
- 00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:49,694 Crack addicts with a television!
- 00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:51,613 [ Down-tempo music playing ]
- 00:17:56,242 --> 00:18:01,039 Well, we couldn't find cancer, but we found a man <i>with</i> cancer.
- 00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:03,958 Take that, cancer!
- 00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:05,001 And that!
- 00:18:05,126 --> 00:18:07,170 [ Horn tooting ]
- 00:18:07,295 --> 00:18:10,340 The last commercial break has to be coming any second!
- 00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:12,342 Aah! - [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:18:12,467 --> 00:18:14,135 Aah! - Aah!
- 00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:20,225 Yes, I pressed "menu" three times.
- 00:18:20,350 --> 00:18:22,811 No. It's giving me the same error message!
- 00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:25,105 Yes, I read the instruction manual.
- 00:18:25,230 --> 00:18:26,147 [ Woman screaming ]
- 00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:27,357 Where do we go?!
- 00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:28,650 Oh, Jesus. Now where do we go?!
- 00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:29,692 We've tried everywhere!
- 00:18:29,818 --> 00:18:31,820 Butters, are you absolutely sure we can't go to your house?
- 00:18:31,945 --> 00:18:33,321 I'm sure. There's no way!
- 00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:34,739 Why not? - Because!
- 00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:38,284 My parents are out of town, and I don't have a babysitter!
- 00:18:39,494 --> 00:18:41,329 Oh, God damn it, you'd better be kidding.
- 00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:43,248 No! I really don't have a babysitter.
- 00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:45,083 That's why I'm staying at Stan's.
- 00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:47,418 This whole time, your TV is in a house with nobody in it?!
- 00:18:47,544 --> 00:18:50,338 Come on! Let's just go! We'll kill Butters later!
- 00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,841 [ Indistinct shouting ]
- 00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:55,468 Turn it on! Turn it on! Turn it on!
- 00:18:55,593 --> 00:18:58,847 And so we'll be right back after these commercials.
- 00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:00,014 We made it!
- 00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:03,226 The last commercial break is starting!
- 00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:05,812 [Announcer ] Don't go anywhere.
- 00:19:05,937 --> 00:19:09,482 Russell Crowe will be right back after a few more commercials!
- 00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:13,361 These commercials are all so Goddamn stupid!
- 00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,780 Jesus Christ! How long is this commercial break gonna be?
- 00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:17,824 What if they don't show the "Terrance & Phillip" trailer at all?
- 00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:19,242 What if we went through all this for nothing?
- 00:19:19,367 --> 00:19:21,703 They have to show it! They promised they would!
- 00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:22,704 You guys, calm down.
- 00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:23,997 This is what TV shows always do.
- 00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:25,999 They make the last commercial break the longest.
- 00:19:26,124 --> 00:19:28,001 That's bullcrap! TV shows are gay!
- 00:19:28,126 --> 00:19:29,586 Wait a minute! Look!
- 00:19:29,711 --> 00:19:32,297 "The following preview is --" This is it! This is it!
- 00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:33,923 [Announcer ] Coming this summer,
- 00:19:34,048 --> 00:19:37,468 the greatest Canadian duo of all time is back.
- 00:19:37,594 --> 00:19:39,596 [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:00,575 [ Farts ]
- 00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,994 [ Music continues ]
- 00:20:05,788 --> 00:20:08,750 [ Glass falling, Phillip laughing ]
- 00:20:11,878 --> 00:20:14,255 Whoo-hoo! - Yeah!
- 00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:16,424 That looks awesome! - They were wearing cowboy hats!
- 00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:17,508 Did you see?! Did you see?!
- 00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:18,635 Clyde! Clyde! Did you see it?!
- 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,261 Yeah! Oh, we think it's gonna be good, too!
- 00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:21,763 I'm so glad we didn't miss it!
- 00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:24,182 You guys, Clyde said he taped it and kids can come over to see!
- 00:20:24,307 --> 00:20:25,225 Oh, dude, let's go!
- 00:20:25,350 --> 00:20:26,684 It looks even better than their first movie!
- 00:20:26,809 --> 00:20:27,685 Yeah, it sure does!
- 00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:28,937 I wonder if it's all a Western!
- 00:20:29,062 --> 00:20:30,980 How far away is June? [ Door closes ]
- 00:20:31,105 --> 00:20:33,942 Well, we sure had a good time today, didn't we, kids?
- 00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:36,319 We fought some Chinamen, a few Packers,
- 00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:39,280 and a lot of Colombians, to name just a few.
- 00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:43,284 But I sure am glad we got old Wally B. Back, aren't you?
- 00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:45,787 I'm glad to be back, Russell!
- 00:20:47,288 --> 00:20:48,790 Oh, my God. It's Russell Crowe!
- 00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:51,042 [ Mockingly ] "Oh, my God! It's Russell Crowe!
- 00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:52,919 Oh, my -- bluh-bluh-bluh"!
- 00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:55,421 Why don't you go flush yourself down a toilet, you c--
- 00:20:55,546 --> 00:20:57,840 [ Horn toots ]
- 00:20:57,966 --> 00:21:00,260 [ Gasps ] Uh-oh. Tugger's whistle.
- 00:21:00,385 --> 00:21:02,136 You know what that means.
- 00:21:02,262 --> 00:21:04,430 ♪ Tugger's whistle's blowin' ♪
- 00:21:04,555 --> 00:21:06,599 ♪ Means we must be goin' ♪
- 00:21:06,724 --> 00:21:10,687 ♪ No more Russell Crowein' for you ♪
- 00:21:10,812 --> 00:21:12,939 ♪ But now, don't you start to whine ♪
- 00:21:13,064 --> 00:21:15,108 ♪ I'll see you again next time ♪
- 00:21:15,233 --> 00:21:19,279 ♪ 'Cause there's plenty more a-fightin' left to do ♪
- 00:21:19,404 --> 00:21:21,781 ♪ Making movies, making songs ♪
- 00:21:21,906 --> 00:21:25,451 ♪ And fightin' 'round the world ♪
- 00:21:25,576 --> 00:21:27,245 See you next time, everybody!
- 00:21:27,370 --> 00:21:28,538 [ Horn tooting ]
- 00:21:28,663 --> 00:21:30,123 [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:34,627 So I'm supposed to press "menu," then "function," then "enter."
Скриншоты
