Забастовка уродов

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♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:14,265 --> 00:00:15,641

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

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♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

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♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

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♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

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♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

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♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪

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♪ Timmy, Timmy,

liv-a-la, Timmy! ♪

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♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

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Today on

"The Maury Povich Show" --

00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:36,537

these poor, unfortunate people

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all have horrible

disfigurements.

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And you won't believe how we

exploit them for your amusement!

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That sounds pretty good.

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Mrph rmhmhm rm.

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Hey, Kenny!

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Mrph rmhmhm rm.

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That's awesome, Kenny.

00:00:47,131 --> 00:00:49,467

Now, gosh darn it, fellas,

my name's not Kenny.

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- Kenny's dead.

- Okay, not-Kenny.

00:00:51,135 --> 00:00:52,762

I'm not gonna wear this coat

anymore neither.

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I should be able to be

you guys' friend

00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:55,598

without wearing

Kenny's old coat.

00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:56,640

Shh.

Be quiet, not-Kenny.

00:00:56,766 --> 00:00:57,975

The Maury Povich freak show

is on.

00:00:58,100 --> 00:00:59,226

Oh.

All right, then.

00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:01,020

Our next guest is a little girl

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who was born

without a midsection.

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Please welcome Damla Jones.

00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:07,068

Hello, Maury!

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Oh, sick, dude!

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You're a very brave little girl,

and I'm very proud of you.

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Thank you.

00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,367

Can you tell the audience

how miserable your life is?

00:01:15,493 --> 00:01:17,787

Uh, yes, it is.

00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:19,371

You're a cutie.

00:01:19,497 --> 00:01:21,665

Do the other kids at school

sometimes make fun of you?

00:01:21,791 --> 00:01:22,958

Sometimes.

00:01:23,084 --> 00:01:24,585

Do people sometimes stare

at you?

00:01:24,710 --> 00:01:26,087

Sometimes.

00:01:26,212 --> 00:01:28,756

Do they go, "Oh, gross.

What the hell is that thing"?

00:01:28,881 --> 00:01:30,257

Um, I don't know.

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Well, your mommy told us

you like to listen to music.

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Yes.

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Well, guess what, Damla.

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We're gonna give you

a $300 gift certificate

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to CD World in Torrance!

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All right, everyone.

Stay tuned.

00:01:41,644 --> 00:01:42,853

Because next

we're gonna meet a woman

00:01:42,978 --> 00:01:45,064

whose head was smashed in

on a logger.

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And we're gonna give her

a makeover!

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This is terrible, dude.

00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:50,277

Maury Povich parades these

poor people around on his show

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like carnival freaks

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and then gives them prizes

at the end as if to justify it.

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What a dick.

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Dude, one of us should make up

some disease

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and get on "The Maury Povich

Show" so we can get a prize.

00:02:05,084 --> 00:02:06,544

Cool!

- Oh, yes!

00:02:06,669 --> 00:02:07,711

That'd be awesome.

00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:10,673

Do you think they'll believe it?

00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:12,716

What disease should we say?

- Shh. Be quiet, you guys.

00:02:12,842 --> 00:02:14,635

Hello.

Is this Maury Povich?

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Oh.

Well, who the hell are you?

00:02:16,512 --> 00:02:17,304

Oh.

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Well, I'm calling about your ad

for freaks.

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Right.

I mean people with disabilities.

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Yeah, I have a friend.

He has a deformity.

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I think he'd be perfect

for your show.

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Great!

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His condition?

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Uh, he has a condition

called Chin-Ball-Alitis.

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Yes, his balls actually hang

from his chin.

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S-Shut up, you guys.

00:02:35,865 --> 00:02:36,740

Yes.

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Yes. Of course.

He's very upset about it.

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Yes, he cries all the time.

Miserable. Uh-huh.

00:02:41,704 --> 00:02:43,247

- You wa-- Really?

- What?

00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:44,957

Dude, they say they'll

fly him out day after tomorrow!

00:02:45,082 --> 00:02:46,000

Awesome!

- Cool!

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Yes, I'm sure I can convince him

to come on the show.

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There will, of course,

be a prize involved?

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Great.

I'll call you back in an hour.

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No.

Thank you.

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Yes!

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This is gonna be so funny!

- It sure is!

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But how are we gonna get

the balls put on Butters' chin?

00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:02,725

Yeah, how are we gonna --

Wait. Butters' chin?

00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:04,393

Yeah.

- But that's me.

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I'm Butters.

- We know.

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You're the one doing it,

Butters.

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Who'd you think

we were talking about?

00:03:07,771 --> 00:03:09,398

Well, hold on just a second,

you guys.

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Hey, I know how we get the balls

on Butters' chin.

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Those Star Trek dorks

down the street.

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They're always making

crazy masks

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and special effects

for their dumb movies.

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Hang on, now.

- Yeah!

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I'll bet they could make

a fake set of balls.

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Come on, Butters!

- Wait!

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Why does it have to be me?

- It has to be you, Butters.

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Think about it.

- Yeah.

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But, fellas, if I go

on "Maury Povich"

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with--

with my balls on my chin,

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my parents are gonna be

really mad.

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We'll just tell your parents

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we're going on a camping trip

with my parents.

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They'll never know.

- I'm sorry.

00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:34,715

But the answer is unh-unh.

Unh-unh, unh-unh.

00:03:36,091 --> 00:03:37,676

Kenny would've done it.

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So? I told you guys before.

I'm not Kenny.

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We know.

Believe me, we know.

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We're reminded every day

that you're not Kenny,

00:03:44,475 --> 00:03:45,851

because Kenny was cool.

00:03:45,976 --> 00:03:47,728

Yeah. God, I wish Kenny

was still alive.

00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:49,313

He'd put balls on his chin.

00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:51,565

He was such an awesome friend.

00:03:51,690 --> 00:03:52,942

Well, come on, guys.

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If Butters won't even put balls

on his chins for us,

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I guess we know where we stand.

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Yeah.

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Aw, gee whiz.

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You -- You promise

my mom and dad won't find out?

00:04:03,244 --> 00:04:06,163

Now, we're going to apply

the latex with some spirit gum.

00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:08,165

That spirit gum

sure is stinky.

00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:09,166

Where'd you get the balls from?

00:04:09,291 --> 00:04:10,876

We made a plastic mold

of his chin

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and then made a latex scrotum

and put two golf balls inside.

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Nice.

00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,590

Now we just blend

the skin tones,

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add a little hair, and presto!

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Wow!

00:04:20,970 --> 00:04:22,096

That looks awesome!

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Oh, I feel silly.

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They look great on you, Butters.

They really do.

00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:28,018

I believe you owe us payment

now.

00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:31,063

All right. The original Avid cut

of "Star Wars: Episode One."

00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:33,315

Wow!

- They weren't lying!

00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:34,900

Why the hell

would they want that anyway?

00:04:35,025 --> 00:04:36,235

"Episode One" sucked balls.

00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:37,861

Yeah, it sucked

hairy Butters' chin balls.

00:04:37,987 --> 00:04:39,738

Hey!

Stop it, man!

00:04:41,824 --> 00:04:44,159

Gay Air flight 243

with service to New York

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now ready for general boarding.

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That's your flight, Butters.

- Here's your ticket.

00:04:47,663 --> 00:04:49,873

They're gonna have a car waiting

for you at the gate in New York.

00:04:49,999 --> 00:04:51,625

Wait.

You guys aren't coming with me?

00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:53,502

Hell no, dude. Then we couldn't

watch you on TV.

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Hold on a minute, guys.

I've changed my mind.

00:04:55,546 --> 00:04:56,338

I don't want to go.

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God, isn't Butters awesome

for doing this, you guys?

00:04:58,716 --> 00:04:59,842

Yeah, he sure is.

00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:01,552

Doing all this

to bring us back a prize.

00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:03,053

What a great friend.

00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:05,097

Butt-ers! Butt-ers!

00:05:05,222 --> 00:05:07,224

All right, then.

See you guys tomorrow.

00:05:16,191 --> 00:05:17,651

Thanks for coming

on the show, kid.

00:05:17,776 --> 00:05:19,403

Maury is very excited

to meet you.

00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:21,113

This is the greenroom,

where you can hang out

00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:23,699

with the other guests

until we call for you on set.

00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:26,702

Boy With Balls on Chin,

this is Man With Foot on Head,

00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:29,997

Girl With Rapid Aging Disease,

Disfigured Country Singer,

00:05:30,122 --> 00:05:31,457

and Man with No Face.

00:05:31,582 --> 00:05:34,877

Wow. Scooped-Out-Face Guy.

I've seen you on TV before.

00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:37,296

Yes.

This is my sixth appearance.

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I'll come back in a bit, folks.

00:05:38,756 --> 00:05:39,548

Hey, Roger,

00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,842

what the hell is with these

horrible veggie platters?

00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:44,595

Yeah. We told you last time

we want fresher vegetables.

00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,597

I'm sorry. This is

what the studio provides.

00:05:46,722 --> 00:05:47,931

Just take a seat on the couch,

kid.

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I'll be back in a minute.

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Boy With Balls on His Chin.

00:05:57,608 --> 00:05:58,901

Haven't seen you around.

00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:00,277

How long you been

on the circuit?

00:06:00,402 --> 00:06:02,404

What circuit?

- The talk-show circuit.

00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,114

Don't tell us

this is your first one.

00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:05,032

Well, yeah.

00:06:05,157 --> 00:06:06,408

You've all done it

more than once?

00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,160

"Oprah" two times,

"Jenny Jones" once,

00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:09,953

"Sally Jessy" five times.

00:06:10,079 --> 00:06:11,372

You've only done "Jenny" once?

00:06:11,497 --> 00:06:13,415

Oh, I hate doing

"The Jenny Jones Show".

00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:15,292

They don't even have

their own hair people.

00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:16,585

I'm doing "Jenny" tomorrow.

00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:18,462

Yeah. You picked a good show

to do first, kid.

00:06:18,587 --> 00:06:19,713

But you need to learn the ropes.

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There are a lot of people

like you all over the country,

00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:23,050

and we all do talk shows

for a living.

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We all know each other

00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:25,469

and we all

kind of stick together

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to make sure our industry

is protected.

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Yeah, like when someone lies

about being a freak.

00:06:30,599 --> 00:06:33,060

Oh, they-- they do, huh?

00:06:33,185 --> 00:06:34,645

Yeah, they'll make up

a fake condition

00:06:34,770 --> 00:06:37,064

to go on these shows

and then take our money away.

00:06:37,189 --> 00:06:39,358

We don't take kindly to that.

00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:40,776

I can certainly see why.

00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,903

It's okay.

Folks don't do it anymore.

00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:46,490

Not after they saw what we did

to Lobster Boy.

00:06:46,615 --> 00:06:48,075

Lobster Boy?

00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,077

Yeah, Lobster Boy

used to make appearances

00:06:50,202 --> 00:06:51,662

on all the talk shows.

00:06:51,787 --> 00:06:54,498

He was one of the most popular

disfigured people on TV.

00:06:54,623 --> 00:06:56,250

But then one day,

we all found out

00:06:56,375 --> 00:06:59,128

that Lobster Boy

wasn't a real freak at all.

00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:01,255

He was just an actual lobster.

00:07:01,380 --> 00:07:02,965

Lying sack of crap.

00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:05,092

So you know what we did to him?

- What?

00:07:05,217 --> 00:07:06,927

One night,

all us freaks got together,

00:07:07,052 --> 00:07:10,055

and we boiled him alive.

00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:17,479

Now Lobster Boy is no more.

00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:21,233

Oh. Yeah, I hate when people

fake conditions, too.

00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:22,651

Those stupid fakers.

00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,445

We're glad you agree.

00:07:24,570 --> 00:07:26,321

Okay, Boy With Balls

on His Chin.

00:07:26,447 --> 00:07:28,031

You're up next.

00:07:28,157 --> 00:07:30,451

Oh, Jesus.

See me through this.

00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,245

Today on

"The Maury Povich Show,"

00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:35,998

we bring back some of

our favorite disfigured people

00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:38,667

and introduce you

to some new ones.

00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,669

Here he comes!

- This is gonna be awesome!

00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,671

Our next guest suffers

from a rare birth defect

00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:45,924

which caused his testicles and

scrotum to grow from his chin.

00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:48,552

Testicles and scrotum!

00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:51,388

Please welcome 8 1/2-year-old

Napoleon Bonaparte

00:07:51,513 --> 00:07:52,806

from South Park, Colorado.

00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:58,145

Thanks so much

for coming on our show.

00:07:58,270 --> 00:07:59,855

Oh, that's okay, I-I suppose.

00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:02,983

So is it tough being...

different?

00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:04,109

Uh, yeah.

00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:07,070

And do all the kids at school

make fun of you?

00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:08,489

They sure do!

00:08:08,614 --> 00:08:10,741

They always say to me,

"Butters, you're not Kenny."

00:08:10,866 --> 00:08:12,117

But I never said I was Kenny.

00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:14,244

They say Kenny would do this

and Kenny would do that.

00:08:14,369 --> 00:08:16,121

Uh-oh. We're losing him.

- I'm tired of it.

00:08:16,246 --> 00:08:17,122

You hear me, fellas?

00:08:17,247 --> 00:08:19,166

Kenny's dead, and you just

have to deal with it.

00:08:19,291 --> 00:08:22,336

Uh, yeah, but I mean, do the

kids at school make fun of you

00:08:22,461 --> 00:08:23,837

because of your condition?

00:08:23,962 --> 00:08:25,130

What condition?

00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:27,216

You have balls

that hang off your chin.

00:08:27,341 --> 00:08:28,634

I do?!

Uh, oh.

00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:30,135

I-I mean yeah, I do.

00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:32,429

Uh, yeah, the kids at school

make fun of me for that.

00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:33,555

Whew!

- That was close.

00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,307

What names do they call you

at school?

00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:39,811

Oh, well, um, I guess

they call me, uh, Chin Ball Boy

00:08:39,937 --> 00:08:42,064

and, uh, Ball Chin Boy.

00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:44,733

When I'm walking, they'll say,

"Hey, there goes Chin Balls."

00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:51,031

And do they call you "freak"

and -- and "weirdo"?

00:08:51,156 --> 00:08:52,282

Uh, yeah, I suppose.

00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:54,034

And do they point at you

and laugh?

00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:55,911

Do they make you wish

you'd never been born,

00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:56,995

make you wish to put an end

00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:58,914

to the whole miserable,

wretched earth?

00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,749

Uh, sure.

00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:03,085

Well, Napoleon,

we have a surprise for you.

00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:05,003

Wait. Here it is. Here it is.

- The presents!

00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:07,839

Because you are such a brave

little chin-balled man,

00:09:07,965 --> 00:09:10,467

we're gonna send you

directly from this studio

00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:13,470

to the world's largest putt-putt

golf course in the world!

00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:14,596

Oh, really?

00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:16,014

Wow.

00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:19,101

Did he say the largest putt-putt

golf course in the world?

00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:21,770

Go on. You're going right now.

00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,188

But that's not fair.

00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:24,856

That means Butters gets to go

and we don't.

00:09:24,982 --> 00:09:26,525

Yeah!

We thought of the whole thing.

00:09:26,650 --> 00:09:28,819

Oh! Once again, Butters

is trying to screw us over!

00:09:28,944 --> 00:09:29,778

That asshole!

00:09:31,446 --> 00:09:33,156

Hello.

Is this "The Maury Povich Show"?

00:09:33,282 --> 00:09:33,991

Yes. Hello.

00:09:34,116 --> 00:09:35,951

I'm calling because I saw

your television program,

00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,203

and I also have balls

hanging from my chin.

00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:40,205

I'd like to come talk about

my disorder and perhaps get

00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:42,165

a free trip to the largest

putt-putt course in the world.

00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:44,459

I'm sorry, but we're done

doing freak shows for now.

00:09:44,585 --> 00:09:46,211

We're looking for people

for a new topic.

00:09:46,336 --> 00:09:47,379

What's the new topic?

00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:49,339

"Please Help

my Out-of-Control Child."

00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:51,383

Oh.

Hey, I'm out of control.

00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:52,217

Really?

00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:53,552

Is your mother in tears

every day

00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:55,679

over how disobedient you are?

- Uh, sure!

00:09:55,804 --> 00:09:57,764

Does she worry about you

doing drugs and having sex

00:09:57,889 --> 00:09:58,807

at such a young age?

00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:02,060

Yeah! Sure! I-I do crack

and potpourri and g-greasies.

00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:03,103

Well, that's great.

00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:04,646

If you can get your mom

to come with you,

00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:05,772

we'd love to fly you out.

00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:07,858

My -- My mom?

00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:11,778

Mom.

00:10:11,903 --> 00:10:12,821

Yes, sweetie?

00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,489

Could you do me a favor?

00:10:14,615 --> 00:10:16,158

What's that, my little man?

00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:18,785

Could you, um, go on

"The Maury Povich Show" with me

00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:20,871

and say that I'm out of control

and do drugs and have sex

00:10:20,996 --> 00:10:22,039

so I can go to the largest

00:10:22,164 --> 00:10:23,957

putt-putt golf course

in the world?

00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:26,460

Hmm. But you're not

out of control, muffin.

00:10:26,585 --> 00:10:28,086

You're my perfect

little gumdrop.

00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:29,463

I'm just asking you to lie

for me.

00:10:29,588 --> 00:10:31,423

You love me, don't you?

- Of course I do.

00:10:31,548 --> 00:10:33,884

Oh, I have such a pretty mother,

such a wonderful mother.

00:10:34,009 --> 00:10:35,636

Sweetie, don't.

- Then it's settled.

00:10:35,761 --> 00:10:37,179

Oh, I've got

such a great mother,

00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:38,472

such a beautiful mother.

00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:42,100

Just what did you think

you were doing, Butters?

00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:43,352

Not only did you lie to us

00:10:43,477 --> 00:10:45,646

and say you were on a camping

trip with Kyle's family.

00:10:45,771 --> 00:10:48,565

You made a fool of yourself

and us on national television.

00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:49,816

I'm sorry, Mom.

00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:52,069

Well, sorry isn't gonna make it

this time, mister.

00:10:52,194 --> 00:10:54,571

You know, your grandmother saw

the show and had a mild stroke.

00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:56,948

Oh, gee. I-I didn't mean

to almost kill Grandma.

00:10:57,074 --> 00:11:00,118

I promise I'll never go on TV

with balls on my chin again.

00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:02,120

Ugh. You better believe

you won't, buster.

00:11:02,245 --> 00:11:03,622

Your father and I

have to leave now

00:11:03,747 --> 00:11:05,082

to visit Grandma

in the hospital.

00:11:05,207 --> 00:11:07,167

But you can just take

those balls off your chin

00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:08,627

and march right up to your room.

00:11:08,752 --> 00:11:10,379

Yes, ma'am.

00:11:11,963 --> 00:11:13,131

Serves me right.

00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:14,966

Putting balls on my chin

and lying about it.

00:11:15,092 --> 00:11:16,885

Why, I should be grounded

for a month.

00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,513

Why do I do these things?

Why can't I behave myself?

00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:23,558

Hey, Butters, those other

freak people from the show

00:11:23,684 --> 00:11:25,852

were just here looking for you.

- Oh, Jesus! They were?

00:11:25,977 --> 00:11:27,145

Yeah.

They wanted to find you bad.

00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:29,272

Oh, God.

What'd you tell them?

00:11:29,398 --> 00:11:30,607

I told them where to find you.

00:11:30,732 --> 00:11:32,275

What?!

Why the heck would you do that?

00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:34,611

They want to kill me

for not being a real freak.

00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:35,570

Oh.

00:11:35,696 --> 00:11:37,906

Well, it serves you right

for screwing us over.

00:11:44,287 --> 00:11:45,622

Oh, Jesus, no!

00:11:45,747 --> 00:11:48,792

They've come to boil me alive,

just like Lobster Boy.

00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,794

Aah!

I got to get out of here.

00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:53,880

Wait! I can't go anywhere.

I'm grounded.

00:11:54,005 --> 00:11:55,382

Oh, Christ!

What a pickle!

00:11:56,591 --> 00:11:59,511

Napoleon?

00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:00,846

Napoleon Bonaparte?

00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:04,266

I think he's up here.

00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:09,646

Oh, hello, folks.

What's the problem?

00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:11,898

There you are,

Boy With Balls on His Chin.

00:12:12,023 --> 00:12:14,985

We've got big news.

The union is striking.

00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:17,446

The union?

Oh, that's why you came?

00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:19,197

We're tired

of our crappy prizes,

00:12:19,322 --> 00:12:20,532

so the union president,

00:12:20,657 --> 00:12:22,200

Man With Terrible

Skin Condition,

00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:23,952

has told us

to round everyone up.

00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,787

Oh, I can't freak-strike,

fellas.

00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:27,247

I-I'm grounded.

00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:28,373

Grounded for what?

00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:30,709

For having balls on my -- Aah!

I mean nothing.

00:12:30,834 --> 00:12:32,085

I'm not grounded.

00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:33,336

Good.

Then you can march with us.

00:12:33,462 --> 00:12:35,881

- Freaks of the world...

- Unite!

00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:39,968

Today on "Maury Povich,"

00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:42,763

these moms don't know what to do

with their out-of-control kids.

00:12:42,888 --> 00:12:45,182

Young boys and girls so whorish

on our show

00:12:45,307 --> 00:12:47,684

that it borders

on child pornography!

00:12:47,809 --> 00:12:49,644

We're here talking with moms

00:12:49,770 --> 00:12:51,813

who think their children

are out of control.

00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:54,858

Now, Vanessa here says that her

13-year-old daughter, Vanity,

00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:58,528

is already doing drugs

and having sex with older men.

00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:01,406

Oh!

00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:02,991

Vanessa, what does Vanity say

to you

00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:05,660

when you tell her to do

her homework?

00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:07,662

She says she hates me.

00:13:07,788 --> 00:13:10,081

She -- She calls me "retard".

00:13:10,207 --> 00:13:14,085

Then she says my cooze is all

dried up and nobody wants it.

00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:17,172

Aw!

00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,090

Well, let's bring her out.

Here's Vanity!

00:13:21,635 --> 00:13:23,512

Whatever.

Whatever.

00:13:23,637 --> 00:13:25,889

You fucking cocksuckers

don't know shit.

00:13:26,014 --> 00:13:27,182

Fuck you!

00:13:28,350 --> 00:13:31,353

Oh!

00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:34,981

Wow. Vanity, you are really

an out-of-control teen.

00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:39,069

Whatever!

00:13:39,194 --> 00:13:41,905

Maury, my mom don't know shit.

You can aks her.

00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:43,949

I aks all my homies

if they be down with it.

00:13:44,074 --> 00:13:45,826

You know, it's all good.

Shit.

00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,120

Fuck you, cocksuckers!

00:13:49,246 --> 00:13:51,498

Geez. That girl is pissed off.

00:13:51,623 --> 00:13:54,584

Okay. Cartman family,

you're on in two minutes.

00:13:54,709 --> 00:13:57,420

Why can't you just listen to me

and love me and --

00:13:57,546 --> 00:13:58,421

- Oh!

- Shut up!

00:13:58,547 --> 00:14:00,590

Shut the fuck up,

you dried-up skank!

00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:04,636

I'm glad you're not like that,

poopsy-kins.

00:14:04,761 --> 00:14:06,555

But if I'm not

the most out-of-control teen,

00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,181

I might not win the prize.

00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:10,684

Excuse me.

I want to make a quick change.

00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:11,768

Where's wardrobe?

00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:13,812

Second door on the right.

00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:17,607

Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike!

00:14:17,732 --> 00:14:20,569

Strike! Strike! Strike!

Strike! Strike!

00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:23,363

Brothers and sisters, the time

has come for us to be treated

00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:25,198

with the respect we deserve!

00:14:25,323 --> 00:14:27,701

We're a strong and diverse group

of people,

00:14:27,826 --> 00:14:30,412

with members like

Woman With Crablike Body,

00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:34,791

Incredibly Obese Black Person,

Man With Brains Outside of Head,

00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:36,501

and Liza Minnelli.

00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:40,297

The talk shows have us on and

give us little gifts and perks

00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:43,091

while they make

tens of thousands of dollars!

00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:46,970

We told the talk shows

our demands, and they laughed!

00:14:47,095 --> 00:14:49,180

They say they can get

plenty of other stupid guests

00:14:49,306 --> 00:14:50,432

to go on their shows,

00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,893

so we must picket

those other guests.

00:14:54,477 --> 00:14:56,897

Oh, guys, I-I need to go.

I can't picket, guys.

00:14:57,022 --> 00:14:58,356

You're not gonna picket?

00:14:58,481 --> 00:14:59,691

Who's not gonna picket?

00:15:02,611 --> 00:15:04,779

Boy With Balls on Chin

doesn't want to picket.

00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:07,490

It's just that my parents are --

I can't picket.

00:15:07,616 --> 00:15:09,993

Why?

You're not a scab, are you?

00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:11,578

No, I'm not a scab.

00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:14,706

Now, we will split up into

groups and form picket lines.

00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:17,876

The first group will be led

by Incredibly Obese Black Man.

00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:20,462

Excuse me. I'm not

Incredibly Obese Black Man.

00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:23,214

I'm Incredibly Black Obese Man.

00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:26,009

Oh. Right.

My bad.

00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:28,553

And now back to more kids

who are out of control,

00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:30,180

on "The Maury Povich Show"!

00:15:30,305 --> 00:15:31,765

Our next mother

is Liane Cartman.

00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:34,643

Her son claims to be the most

out-of-control kid in the world

00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:37,646

and says there's nothing

his stupid mom can do about it.

00:15:37,771 --> 00:15:38,688

Aw!

00:15:38,813 --> 00:15:40,649

Why won't you kids behave?!

00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:41,900

Oh!

- Shut up, skank!

00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:43,360

He's not talking to you!

00:15:44,736 --> 00:15:46,821

So, Ms. Cartman,

you can't control your child?

00:15:46,947 --> 00:15:49,449

Oh, my little poopsy-kins gets

into no-nos once in a while,

00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:51,910

but he's still my perfect

little sumpsy-kittles.

00:15:52,035 --> 00:15:54,371

Well, your son made a video backstage.

Let's take a look.

00:15:56,081 --> 00:15:58,166

Maury, I am out of control.

00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:00,502

Yeah, I use drugs.

I can do what I want, bitch.

00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:02,337

Yeah, I have sex,

and I don't use protection.

00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:04,506

It's my hot body.

I'll do what I want.

00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:06,341

I don't go to school,

and I kill people.

00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:08,343

Whatever!

I'll do what I want.

00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:12,847

Oh, he's such a cutie.

00:16:12,973 --> 00:16:14,975

Well, let's bring him out.

Here's Eric Cartman!

00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:18,436

Whatever!

Whatever!

00:16:19,562 --> 00:16:21,648

Maury, my mom can't control me.

Aks her!

00:16:21,773 --> 00:16:23,066

Go on.

Aks her!

00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:25,026

Ms. Cartman, what does

your son like to do?

00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:27,988

Ooh, he loves playing with his

Clyde Frog and Wellington Bear.

00:16:28,113 --> 00:16:30,991

Mom, we're pretending, remember?

Sex and drugs.

00:16:31,116 --> 00:16:32,826

Oh.

I mean sex and drugs.

00:16:32,951 --> 00:16:34,869

Oh!

00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:36,287

Whatever! Whatever!

00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:37,664

I'll do what I want!

00:16:37,789 --> 00:16:40,041

Oh, whatever.

You ain't tough, ho.

00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:41,334

I run with gangs.

00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:43,461

Oh, yeah?

I run with 12 gangs.

00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:44,963

And we only commit hate crimes.

00:16:45,088 --> 00:16:46,798

Whatever!

I'll do what I want!

00:16:46,923 --> 00:16:48,133

Whatever!

00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:50,051

You ain't bad.

You ain't nothing.

00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:53,054

I ditch class and go shoot

heroin in the school bathroom.

00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:55,557

Whatever!

I ran for Congress and won.

00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:58,351

Then I had sex with an intern,

killed her, and hid her body.

00:16:58,476 --> 00:17:00,228

Whatever!

I'll do what I want!

00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:03,023

- What do we want?

- Better prizes!

00:17:03,148 --> 00:17:04,816

When do we want them?

- Now!

00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:07,235

What do we want?

- Better prizes.

00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,237

When do we want them?

- Now, I guess.

00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:10,488

Sir, I really got to go home.

00:17:10,613 --> 00:17:11,781

My parents are gonna be sore

at me.

00:17:11,906 --> 00:17:13,908

Napoleon, you need to understand

something.

00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:16,036

For you a union to work,

all members must be prepared

00:17:16,161 --> 00:17:18,204

to make sacrifices

and stick together.

00:17:18,329 --> 00:17:19,873

But I got to get back

to my family.

00:17:19,998 --> 00:17:22,292

We're your family too, Napoleon.

We're like you.

00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:23,334

When we look at you,

00:17:23,460 --> 00:17:25,420

we don't even see

the testicles on your chin.

00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,213

We see the testicles

in your heart.

00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:29,090

- What do we want?

- Better prizes!

00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:30,592

When do we want them?

- Now!

00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:32,635

Oh, hamburgers.

This just keeps getting worse.

00:17:34,179 --> 00:17:36,598

Okay, folks.

We're gonna have to move along.

00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:39,267

Why? We're a union,

and we have a right to picket.

00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:40,101

I'm sorry,

00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:42,687

but the government does not

recognize you as a union.

00:17:42,812 --> 00:17:43,855

You'll have to go.

00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:44,856

What are you saying?

00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:45,982

That because of our appearance,

00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:47,817

our organization

is less important?

00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:49,944

Now, now, now,

I'm not telling you people

00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:51,571

that your union doesn't matter.

00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:54,866

I'm just telling you

that you're not really people.

00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:57,243

All right.

That does it.

00:17:57,368 --> 00:17:59,329

It's time to bring out

the big guns.

00:17:59,454 --> 00:18:01,623

Prepare the video sabotage.

00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:04,375

Oh, no.

Not the video sabotage.

00:18:05,794 --> 00:18:07,837

Who is the most

out-of-control child?

00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:09,839

We're back with Maury.

00:18:09,964 --> 00:18:11,299

We're here talking with moms

00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:13,885

who think their children

are out of control.

00:18:14,010 --> 00:18:15,178

Whatever!

00:18:15,303 --> 00:18:17,555

I slaughtered five baby seals

with my bare hands.

00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,599

Whatever!

I'll do what I want!

00:18:19,724 --> 00:18:20,767

Now let's meet Joline.

00:18:20,892 --> 00:18:23,103

Joline says that her daughter

is also out of control,

00:18:23,228 --> 00:18:24,896

that she's flirting

with older men --

00:18:25,021 --> 00:18:27,357

and she's only four months old.

00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:28,775

Oh!

00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:30,276

Mm-hmm.

That's right, Maury.

00:18:30,401 --> 00:18:32,278

Let's bring her out.

Here's Chantal!

00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:42,372

So, Joline, exactly how

is your daughter out of control?

00:18:42,497 --> 00:18:44,332

You say she flirts

with older men?

00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:45,542

Maury, it's like this.

00:18:45,667 --> 00:18:47,252

Whenever I have friends

over to the house,

00:18:47,377 --> 00:18:49,295

Chantal will come waltzing

into the living room

00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:51,131

completely naked!

00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:52,966

Oh!

00:18:53,091 --> 00:18:55,760

Whatever.

I helped in a drive-by shooting.

00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:56,678

Whatever!

00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:58,096

I digitally put Jabba the Hutt

00:18:58,221 --> 00:18:59,806

back into the original

"Star Wars" movie.

00:18:59,931 --> 00:19:01,057

I'll do what I want!

00:19:01,182 --> 00:19:02,851

Wow!

That is out of control.

00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:03,852

Why, just last night,

00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:06,229

I had three gentleman callers

over to my house,

00:19:06,354 --> 00:19:09,649

and Chantal took her clothes off

right in front of everybody!

00:19:09,774 --> 00:19:11,067

Boo!

00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:15,280

You see? There she goes.

There she goes.

00:19:15,405 --> 00:19:17,282

Whore!

You goddamn whore!

00:19:19,242 --> 00:19:21,077

Attention, "Maury" viewers.

00:19:21,202 --> 00:19:22,662

What the hell is this?

00:19:22,787 --> 00:19:24,956

A lot of decent,

hardworking freaks in America

00:19:25,081 --> 00:19:28,501

are losing their talk-show jobs

to freaks of a different nature.

00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:30,879

Sure, everyone in this great

country of ours is a freak.

00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:34,090

But true, physically deformed

freaks must be recognized,

00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:36,551

for it is these real freaks

that make you all feel better

00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,511

about yourselves

for not being one.

00:19:38,636 --> 00:19:40,305

So next time

you're watching television,

00:19:40,430 --> 00:19:42,473

make sure it's a show

with freak freaks

00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:44,017

and not just with people

that are freaks

00:19:44,142 --> 00:19:46,519

because they're stupid

trailer trash from the South.

00:19:46,644 --> 00:19:49,689

That's what we mean when we say

look for the True Freak label.

00:19:49,814 --> 00:19:54,068

♪ Look for

the True Freak label ♪

00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:58,489

♪ When you are watching

a TV talk show ♪

00:19:58,615 --> 00:20:02,952

♪ Remember somewhere

a union's growing ♪

00:20:03,077 --> 00:20:06,873

♪ Our wages going

to feed the kids ♪

00:20:06,998 --> 00:20:08,082

♪ And run the house ♪

00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:09,626

♪ We work hard ♪

00:20:09,751 --> 00:20:12,045

♪ But who's complaining? ♪

00:20:12,170 --> 00:20:15,632

♪ With TFU,

we're making our way ♪

00:20:15,757 --> 00:20:20,345

♪ So always look for

the True Freak label ♪

00:20:20,470 --> 00:20:26,142

♪ Because you need us

right here in the USA ♪

00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:28,728

Uh, sorry, America.

A little glitch there.

00:20:28,853 --> 00:20:30,271

Anyway --

- They're right.

00:20:30,396 --> 00:20:32,232

We should've never crossed

that picket line.

00:20:32,357 --> 00:20:34,150

Come on, honey.

00:20:34,275 --> 00:20:35,568

Wait. Wait.

Come back!

00:20:35,693 --> 00:20:37,362

Maybe we can make

the other out-of-control kids

00:20:37,487 --> 00:20:38,863

take their clothes off, too.

00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:40,907

Whatever!

I'll crap in Maury's pants!

00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:44,744

Sir, the ratings

have just started to plummet.

00:20:44,869 --> 00:20:47,580

Aah!

Those damn freaks!

00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:53,378

I gave you shoes and groceries!

00:20:53,503 --> 00:20:54,921

And this is how you repay me?

00:20:56,130 --> 00:20:57,340

Very well.

00:20:57,465 --> 00:20:59,217

Come upstairs

and...we'll negotiate.

00:21:04,472 --> 00:21:06,224

We did it!

The strike worked!

00:21:06,349 --> 00:21:08,893

Now we can go on

with our careers.

00:21:09,477 --> 00:21:11,145

Oh, thank God that's over.

00:21:11,271 --> 00:21:12,689

Now I can get back home.

00:21:12,814 --> 00:21:15,733

Butters, you have screwed me out

of a prize for the last time!

00:21:18,236 --> 00:21:20,822

Oh, double hamburgers.

00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:21,864

Jesus Christ!

00:21:21,990 --> 00:21:22,949

That out-of-control kid

00:21:23,074 --> 00:21:24,867

ripped poor Napoleon's balls

right off!

00:21:24,993 --> 00:21:26,744

Get him!

- Aah!

00:21:26,869 --> 00:21:29,455

Boil him!

00:21:29,580 --> 00:21:33,084

Hey, things actually turned out

okay for me this time.

00:21:33,209 --> 00:21:34,544

Butters!

00:21:34,669 --> 00:21:36,129

Oh, I know.

00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:14,140

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:14,265 --> 00:00:15,641

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:18,602

♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,021

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:20,146 --> 00:00:22,064

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:25,317

♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,443 --> 00:00:27,153

♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪

00:00:27,278 --> 00:00:29,030

♪ Timmy, Timmy,

liv-a-la, Timmy! ♪

00:00:29,155 --> 00:00:32,533

♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

00:00:33,284 --> 00:00:35,202

MAN: Today on

"The Maury Povich Show" --

00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:36,537

these poor, unfortunate people

00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:38,039

all have horrible

disfigurements.

00:00:38,164 --> 00:00:41,000

And you won't believe how we

exploit them for your amusement!

00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:42,126

That sounds pretty good.

00:00:42,251 --> 00:00:43,377

Mrph rmhmhm rm.

00:00:43,502 --> 00:00:44,378

Hey, Kenny!

00:00:44,503 --> 00:00:45,546

Mrph rmhmhm rm.

00:00:45,671 --> 00:00:47,006

That's awesome, Kenny.

00:00:47,131 --> 00:00:49,467

Now, gosh darn it, fellas,

my name's not Kenny.

00:00:49,592 --> 00:00:51,010

- Kenny's dead.

- Okay, not-Kenny.

00:00:51,135 --> 00:00:52,762

I'm not gonna wear this coat

anymore neither.

00:00:52,887 --> 00:00:54,263

I should be able to be

you guys' friend

00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:55,598

without wearing

Kenny's old coat.

00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:56,640

Shh.

Be quiet, not-Kenny.

00:00:56,766 --> 00:00:57,975

The Maury Povich freak show

is on.

00:00:58,100 --> 00:00:59,226

Oh.

All right, then.

00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:01,020

Our next guest is a little girl

00:01:01,145 --> 00:01:02,646

who was born

without a midsection.

00:01:02,772 --> 00:01:04,273

Please welcome Damla Jones.

00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:06,108

[Applause,

mid-tempo music plays ]

00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:07,068

Hello, Maury!

00:01:07,193 --> 00:01:08,569

Oh, sick, dude!

00:01:08,694 --> 00:01:11,947

You're a very brave little girl,

and I'm very proud of you.

00:01:12,073 --> 00:01:13,115

Thank you.

00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,367

Can you tell the audience

how miserable your life is?

00:01:15,493 --> 00:01:17,787

Uh, yes, it is.

00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:19,371

[Chuckles]

You're a cutie.

00:01:19,497 --> 00:01:21,665

Do the other kids at school

sometimes make fun of you?

00:01:21,791 --> 00:01:22,958

Sometimes.

00:01:23,084 --> 00:01:24,585

Do people sometimes stare

at you?

00:01:24,710 --> 00:01:26,087

Sometimes.

00:01:26,212 --> 00:01:28,756

Do they go, "Oh, gross.

What the hell is that thing"?

00:01:28,881 --> 00:01:30,257

Um, I don't know.

00:01:30,382 --> 00:01:32,551

Well, your mommy told us

you like to listen to music.

00:01:32,676 --> 00:01:33,636

Yes.

00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:35,012

Well, guess what, Damla.

00:01:35,137 --> 00:01:37,640

We're gonna give you

a $300 gift certificate

00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:40,351

to CD World in Torrance!

[up-tempo music plays]

00:01:40,476 --> 00:01:41,519

All right, everyone.

Stay tuned.

00:01:41,644 --> 00:01:42,853

Because next

we're gonna meet a woman

00:01:42,978 --> 00:01:45,064

whose head was smashed in

on a logger.

00:01:45,189 --> 00:01:47,108

And we're gonna give her

a makeover!

00:01:47,233 --> 00:01:48,317

This is terrible, dude.

00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:50,277

Maury Povich parades these

poor people around on his show

00:01:50,402 --> 00:01:51,278

like carnival freaks

00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:53,280

and then gives them prizes

at the end as if to justify it.

00:01:53,405 --> 00:01:54,406

What a dick.

00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,040

Dude, one of us should make up

some disease

00:02:03,165 --> 00:02:04,959

and get on "The Maury Povich

Show" so we can get a prize.

00:02:05,084 --> 00:02:06,544

Cool!

- Oh, yes!

00:02:06,669 --> 00:02:07,711

That'd be awesome.

00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:09,672

[Telephone beeping]

00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:10,673

Do you think they'll believe it?

00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:12,716

What disease should we say?

- Shh. Be quiet, you guys.

00:02:12,842 --> 00:02:14,635

Hello.

Is this Maury Povich?

00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:16,387

Oh.

Well, who the hell are you?

00:02:16,512 --> 00:02:17,304

Oh.

00:02:17,429 --> 00:02:19,515

Well, I'm calling about your ad

for freaks.

00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,517

Right.

I mean people with disabilities.

00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,144

Yeah, I have a friend.

He has a deformity.

00:02:23,269 --> 00:02:25,062

I think he'd be perfect

for your show.

00:02:25,187 --> 00:02:26,313

Great!

00:02:26,438 --> 00:02:27,481

His condition?

00:02:27,606 --> 00:02:30,442

Uh, he has a condition

called Chin-Ball-Alitis.

00:02:30,568 --> 00:02:32,486

Yes, his balls actually hang

from his chin.

00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:34,071

[Laughter]

00:02:34,196 --> 00:02:35,739

S-Shut up, you guys.

00:02:35,865 --> 00:02:36,740

Yes.

00:02:36,866 --> 00:02:38,492

Yes. Of course.

He's very upset about it.

00:02:38,617 --> 00:02:41,579

Yes, he cries all the time.

Miserable. Uh-huh.

00:02:41,704 --> 00:02:43,247

- You wa-- Really?

- What?

00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:44,957

Dude, they say they'll

fly him out day after tomorrow!

00:02:45,082 --> 00:02:46,000

Awesome!

- Cool!

00:02:46,125 --> 00:02:48,169

Yes, I'm sure I can convince him

to come on the show.

00:02:48,294 --> 00:02:50,462

There will, of course,

be a prize involved?

00:02:50,588 --> 00:02:52,631

Great.

I'll call you back in an hour.

00:02:52,756 --> 00:02:54,550

No.

Thank you.

00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:55,718

Yes!

00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:58,012

This is gonna be so funny!

- It sure is!

00:02:58,137 --> 00:02:59,930

But how are we gonna get

the balls put on Butters' chin?

00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:02,725

Yeah, how are we gonna --

Wait. Butters' chin?

00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:04,393

Yeah.

- But that's me.

00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:05,644

I'm Butters.

- We know.

00:03:05,769 --> 00:03:06,645

You're the one doing it,

Butters.

00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:07,646

Who'd you think

we were talking about?

00:03:07,771 --> 00:03:09,398

Well, hold on just a second,

you guys.

00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:11,275

Hey, I know how we get the balls

on Butters' chin.

00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:12,776

Those Star Trek dorks

down the street.

00:03:12,902 --> 00:03:13,986

They're always making

crazy masks

00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:15,446

and special effects

for their dumb movies.

00:03:15,571 --> 00:03:16,780

Hang on, now.

- Yeah!

00:03:16,906 --> 00:03:18,282

I'll bet they could make

a fake set of balls.

00:03:18,407 --> 00:03:19,366

Come on, Butters!

- Wait!

00:03:19,491 --> 00:03:21,493

Why does it have to be me?

- It has to be you, Butters.

00:03:21,619 --> 00:03:22,494

Think about it.

- Yeah.

00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:24,288

But, fellas, if I go

on "Maury Povich"

00:03:24,413 --> 00:03:25,539

with--

with my balls on my chin,

00:03:25,664 --> 00:03:27,041

my parents are gonna be

really mad.

00:03:27,166 --> 00:03:28,042

We'll just tell your parents

00:03:28,167 --> 00:03:29,501

we're going on a camping trip

with my parents.

00:03:29,627 --> 00:03:31,003

They'll never know.

- I'm sorry.

00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:34,715

But the answer is unh-unh.

Unh-unh, unh-unh.

00:03:36,091 --> 00:03:37,676

Kenny would've done it.

00:03:37,801 --> 00:03:40,638

So? I told you guys before.

I'm not Kenny.

00:03:40,763 --> 00:03:42,431

We know.

Believe me, we know.

00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,350

We're reminded every day

that you're not Kenny,

00:03:44,475 --> 00:03:45,851

because Kenny was cool.

00:03:45,976 --> 00:03:47,728

Yeah. God, I wish Kenny

was still alive.

00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:49,313

He'd put balls on his chin.

00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:51,565

He was such an awesome friend.

00:03:51,690 --> 00:03:52,942

Well, come on, guys.

00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:55,277

If Butters won't even put balls

on his chins for us,

00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:56,612

I guess we know where we stand.

00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,072

Yeah.

00:03:58,197 --> 00:03:59,073

Aw, gee whiz.

00:03:59,198 --> 00:04:01,283

You -- You promise

my mom and dad won't find out?

00:04:03,244 --> 00:04:06,163

Now, we're going to apply

the latex with some spirit gum.

00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:08,165

That spirit gum

sure is stinky.

00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:09,166

Where'd you get the balls from?

00:04:09,291 --> 00:04:10,876

We made a plastic mold

of his chin

00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:13,879

and then made a latex scrotum

and put two golf balls inside.

00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:14,755

Nice.

00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,590

Now we just blend

the skin tones,

00:04:16,715 --> 00:04:18,634

add a little hair, and presto!

00:04:20,052 --> 00:04:20,844

Wow!

00:04:20,970 --> 00:04:22,096

That looks awesome!

00:04:22,221 --> 00:04:23,597

Oh, I feel silly.

00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:25,474

They look great on you, Butters.

They really do.

00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:28,018

I believe you owe us payment

now.

00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:31,063

All right. The original Avid cut

of "Star Wars: Episode One."

00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:33,315

Wow!

- They weren't lying!

00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:34,900

Why the hell

would they want that anyway?

00:04:35,025 --> 00:04:36,235

"Episode One" sucked balls.

00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:37,861

Yeah, it sucked

hairy Butters' chin balls.

00:04:37,987 --> 00:04:39,738

Hey!

Stop it, man!

00:04:41,824 --> 00:04:44,159

Gay Air flight 243

with service to New York

00:04:44,285 --> 00:04:45,619

now ready for general boarding.

00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:47,538

That's your flight, Butters.

- Here's your ticket.

00:04:47,663 --> 00:04:49,873

They're gonna have a car waiting

for you at the gate in New York.

00:04:49,999 --> 00:04:51,625

Wait.

You guys aren't coming with me?

00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:53,502

Hell no, dude. Then we couldn't

watch you on TV.

00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,421

Hold on a minute, guys.

I've changed my mind.

00:04:55,546 --> 00:04:56,338

I don't want to go.

00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:58,590

God, isn't Butters awesome

for doing this, you guys?

00:04:58,716 --> 00:04:59,842

Yeah, he sure is.

00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:01,552

Doing all this

to bring us back a prize.

00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:03,053

What a great friend.

00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:05,097

[ Chanting ]

Butt-ers! Butt-ers!

00:05:05,222 --> 00:05:07,224

All right, then.

See you guys tomorrow.

00:05:07,349 --> 00:05:09,852

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:05:16,191 --> 00:05:17,651

Thanks for coming

on the show, kid.

00:05:17,776 --> 00:05:19,403

Maury is very excited

to meet you.

00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:21,113

This is the greenroom,

where you can hang out

00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:23,699

with the other guests

until we call for you on set.

00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:26,702

Boy With Balls on Chin,

this is Man With Foot on Head,

00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:29,997

Girl With Rapid Aging Disease,

Disfigured Country Singer,

00:05:30,122 --> 00:05:31,457

and Man with No Face.

00:05:31,582 --> 00:05:34,877

Wow. Scooped-Out-Face Guy.

I've seen you on TV before.

00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:37,296

Yes.

This is my sixth appearance.

00:05:37,421 --> 00:05:38,630

I'll come back in a bit, folks.

00:05:38,756 --> 00:05:39,548

Hey, Roger,

00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,842

what the hell is with these

horrible veggie platters?

00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:44,595

Yeah. We told you last time

we want fresher vegetables.

00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,597

I'm sorry. This is

what the studio provides.

00:05:46,722 --> 00:05:47,931

Just take a seat on the couch,

kid.

00:05:48,057 --> 00:05:49,725

I'll be back in a minute.

00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:57,483

Boy With Balls on His Chin.

00:05:57,608 --> 00:05:58,901

Haven't seen you around.

00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:00,277

How long you been

on the circuit?

00:06:00,402 --> 00:06:02,404

What circuit?

- The talk-show circuit.

00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,114

Don't tell us

this is your first one.

00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:05,032

Well, yeah.

00:06:05,157 --> 00:06:06,408

You've all done it

more than once?

00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,160

"Oprah" two times,

"Jenny Jones" once,

00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:09,953

"Sally Jessy" five times.

00:06:10,079 --> 00:06:11,372

You've only done "Jenny" once?

00:06:11,497 --> 00:06:13,415

Oh, I hate doing

"The Jenny Jones Show".

00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:15,292

They don't even have

their own hair people.

00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:16,585

I'm doing "Jenny" tomorrow.

00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:18,462

Yeah. You picked a good show

to do first, kid.

00:06:18,587 --> 00:06:19,713

But you need to learn the ropes.

00:06:19,838 --> 00:06:21,423

There are a lot of people

like you all over the country,

00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:23,050

and we all do talk shows

for a living.

00:06:23,175 --> 00:06:24,176

We all know each other

00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:25,469

and we all

kind of stick together

00:06:25,594 --> 00:06:27,221

to make sure our industry

is protected.

00:06:27,346 --> 00:06:30,474

Yeah, like when someone lies

about being a freak.

00:06:30,599 --> 00:06:33,060

Oh, they-- they do, huh?

00:06:33,185 --> 00:06:34,645

Yeah, they'll make up

a fake condition

00:06:34,770 --> 00:06:37,064

to go on these shows

and then take our money away.

00:06:37,189 --> 00:06:39,358

We don't take kindly to that.

00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:40,776

I can certainly see why.

00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,903

It's okay.

Folks don't do it anymore.

00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:46,490

Not after they saw what we did

to Lobster Boy.

00:06:46,615 --> 00:06:48,075

Lobster Boy?

00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,077

Yeah, Lobster Boy

used to make appearances

00:06:50,202 --> 00:06:51,662

on all the talk shows.

00:06:51,787 --> 00:06:54,498

He was one of the most popular

disfigured people on TV.

00:06:54,623 --> 00:06:56,250

But then one day,

we all found out

00:06:56,375 --> 00:06:59,128

that Lobster Boy

wasn't a real freak at all.

00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:01,255

He was just an actual lobster.

00:07:01,380 --> 00:07:02,965

Lying sack of crap.

00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:05,092

So you know what we did to him?

- What?

00:07:05,217 --> 00:07:06,927

One night,

all us freaks got together,

00:07:07,052 --> 00:07:10,055

and we boiled him alive.

00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:12,141

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:14,643

[ Muffled screams ]

00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:17,479

Now Lobster Boy is no more.

00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:21,233

Oh. Yeah, I hate when people

fake conditions, too.

00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:22,651

Those stupid fakers.

00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,445

We're glad you agree.

00:07:24,570 --> 00:07:26,321

Okay, Boy With Balls

on His Chin.

00:07:26,447 --> 00:07:28,031

You're up next.

00:07:28,157 --> 00:07:30,451

Oh, Jesus.

See me through this.

00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,245

MAN: Today on

"The Maury Povich Show,"

00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:35,998

we bring back some of

our favorite disfigured people

00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:38,667

and introduce you

to some new ones.

00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,669

Here he comes!

- This is gonna be awesome!

00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,671

Our next guest suffers

from a rare birth defect

00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:45,924

which caused his testicles and

scrotum to grow from his chin.

00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:48,552

Testicles and scrotum!

[ Laughs ]

00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:51,388

Please welcome 8 1/2-year-old

Napoleon Bonaparte

00:07:51,513 --> 00:07:52,806

from South Park, Colorado.

00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:55,559

[ Mid-tempo music plays,

applause ]

00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:58,145

Thanks so much

for coming on our show.

00:07:58,270 --> 00:07:59,855

Oh, that's okay, I-I suppose.

00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:02,983

So is it tough being...

different?

00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:04,109

Uh, yeah.

00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:07,070

And do all the kids at school

make fun of you?

00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:08,489

They sure do!

00:08:08,614 --> 00:08:10,741

They always say to me,

"Butters, you're not Kenny."

00:08:10,866 --> 00:08:12,117

But I never said I was Kenny.

00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:14,244

They say Kenny would do this

and Kenny would do that.

00:08:14,369 --> 00:08:16,121

Uh-oh. We're losing him.

- I'm tired of it.

00:08:16,246 --> 00:08:17,122

You hear me, fellas?

00:08:17,247 --> 00:08:19,166

Kenny's dead, and you just

have to deal with it.

00:08:19,291 --> 00:08:22,336

Uh, yeah, but I mean, do the

kids at school make fun of you

00:08:22,461 --> 00:08:23,837

because of your condition?

00:08:23,962 --> 00:08:25,130

What condition?

00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:27,216

You have balls

that hang off your chin.

00:08:27,341 --> 00:08:28,634

I do?!

Uh, oh.

00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:30,135

I-I mean yeah, I do.

00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:32,429

Uh, yeah, the kids at school

make fun of me for that.

00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:33,555

Whew!

- That was close.

00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,307

What names do they call you

at school?

00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:39,811

Oh, well, um, I guess

they call me, uh, Chin Ball Boy

00:08:39,937 --> 00:08:42,064

and, uh, Ball Chin Boy.

00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:44,733

When I'm walking, they'll say,

"Hey, there goes Chin Balls."

00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:48,612

[ Laughing ]

00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:51,031

And do they call you "freak"

and -- and "weirdo"?

00:08:51,156 --> 00:08:52,282

Uh, yeah, I suppose.

00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:54,034

And do they point at you

and laugh?

00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:55,911

Do they make you wish

you'd never been born,

00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:56,995

make you wish to put an end

00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:58,914

to the whole miserable,

wretched earth?

00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,749

Uh, sure.

00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:03,085

Well, Napoleon,

we have a surprise for you.

00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:05,003

Wait. Here it is. Here it is.

- The presents!

00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:07,839

Because you are such a brave

little chin-balled man,

00:09:07,965 --> 00:09:10,467

we're gonna send you

directly from this studio

00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:13,470

to the world's largest putt-putt

golf course in the world!

00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:14,596

- Oh, really?

- [Applause ]

00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:16,014

Wow.

00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:19,101

Did he say the largest putt-putt

golf course in the world?

00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:21,770

Go on. You're going right now.

- [ Mid-tempo music playing ]

00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,188

But that's not fair.

00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:24,856

That means Butters gets to go

and we don't.

00:09:24,982 --> 00:09:26,525

Yeah!

We thought of the whole thing.

00:09:26,650 --> 00:09:28,819

Oh! Once again, Butters

is trying to screw us over!

00:09:28,944 --> 00:09:29,778

That asshole!

00:09:31,446 --> 00:09:33,156

Hello.

Is this "The Maury Povich Show"?

00:09:33,282 --> 00:09:33,991

Yes. Hello.

00:09:34,116 --> 00:09:35,951

I'm calling because I saw

your television program,

00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,203

and I also have balls

hanging from my chin.

00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:40,205

I'd like to come talk about

my disorder and perhaps get

00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:42,165

a free trip to the largest

putt-putt course in the world.

00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:44,459

I'm sorry, but we're done

doing freak shows for now.

00:09:44,585 --> 00:09:46,211

We're looking for people

for a new topic.

00:09:46,336 --> 00:09:47,379

What's the new topic?

00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:49,339

"Please Help

my Out-of-Control Child."

00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:51,383

Oh.

Hey, I'm out of control.

00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:52,217

Really?

00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:53,552

Is your mother in tears

every day

00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:55,679

over how disobedient you are?

- Uh, sure!

00:09:55,804 --> 00:09:57,764

Does she worry about you

doing drugs and having sex

00:09:57,889 --> 00:09:58,807

at such a young age?

00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:02,060

Yeah! Sure! I-I do crack

and potpourri and g-greasies.

00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:03,103

Well, that's great.

00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:04,646

If you can get your mom

to come with you,

00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:05,772

we'd love to fly you out.

00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:07,858

My -- My mom?

00:10:07,983 --> 00:10:10,402

[ Humming ]

00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:11,778

Mom.

00:10:11,903 --> 00:10:12,821

Yes, sweetie?

00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,489

Could you do me a favor?

00:10:14,615 --> 00:10:16,158

What's that, my little man?

00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:18,785

Could you, um, go on

"The Maury Povich Show" with me

00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:20,871

and say that I'm out of control

and do drugs and have sex

00:10:20,996 --> 00:10:22,039

so I can go to the largest

00:10:22,164 --> 00:10:23,957

putt-putt golf course

in the world?

00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:26,460

Hmm. But you're not

out of control, muffin.

00:10:26,585 --> 00:10:28,086

You're my perfect

little gumdrop.

00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:29,463

I'm just asking you to lie

for me.

00:10:29,588 --> 00:10:31,423

You love me, don't you?

- Of course I do.

00:10:31,548 --> 00:10:33,884

Oh, I have such a pretty mother,

such a wonderful mother.

00:10:34,009 --> 00:10:35,636

Sweetie, don't.

- Then it's settled.

00:10:35,761 --> 00:10:37,179

Oh, I've got

such a great mother,

00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:38,472

such a beautiful mother.

00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:42,100

Just what did you think

you were doing, Butters?

00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:43,352

Not only did you lie to us

00:10:43,477 --> 00:10:45,646

and say you were on a camping

trip with Kyle's family.

00:10:45,771 --> 00:10:48,565

You made a fool of yourself

and us on national television.

00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:49,816

I'm sorry, Mom.

00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:52,069

Well, sorry isn't gonna make it

this time, mister.

00:10:52,194 --> 00:10:54,571

You know, your grandmother saw

the show and had a mild stroke.

00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:56,948

Oh, gee. I-I didn't mean

to almost kill Grandma.

00:10:57,074 --> 00:11:00,118

I promise I'll never go on TV

with balls on my chin again.

00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:02,120

Ugh. You better believe

you won't, buster.

00:11:02,245 --> 00:11:03,622

Your father and I

have to leave now

00:11:03,747 --> 00:11:05,082

to visit Grandma

in the hospital.

00:11:05,207 --> 00:11:07,167

But you can just take

those balls off your chin

00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:08,627

and march right up to your room.

00:11:08,752 --> 00:11:10,379

Yes, ma'am.

00:11:11,963 --> 00:11:13,131

Serves me right.

00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:14,966

Putting balls on my chin

and lying about it.

00:11:15,092 --> 00:11:16,885

Why, I should be grounded

for a month.

00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,513

Why do I do these things?

Why can't I behave myself?

00:11:19,638 --> 00:11:21,765

[ Telephone rings ]

00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:23,558

Hey, Butters, those other

freak people from the show

00:11:23,684 --> 00:11:25,852

were just here looking for you.

- Oh, Jesus! They were?

00:11:25,977 --> 00:11:27,145

Yeah.

They wanted to find you bad.

00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:29,272

Oh, God.

What'd you tell them?

00:11:29,398 --> 00:11:30,607

I told them where to find you.

00:11:30,732 --> 00:11:32,275

What?!

Why the heck would you do that?

00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:34,611

They want to kill me

for not being a real freak.

00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:35,570

Oh.

00:11:35,696 --> 00:11:37,906

Well, it serves you right

for screwing us over.

00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:40,742

[ Dial tone ]

00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:44,162

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:11:44,287 --> 00:11:45,622

Oh, Jesus, no!

00:11:45,747 --> 00:11:48,792

They've come to boil me alive,

just like Lobster Boy.

00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,794

Aah!

I got to get out of here.

00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:53,880

Wait! I can't go anywhere.

I'm grounded.

00:11:54,005 --> 00:11:55,382

Oh, Christ!

What a pickle!

00:11:55,507 --> 00:11:56,466

[ Doorbell rings ]

00:11:56,591 --> 00:11:59,511

[ Screams ]

- Napoleon?

00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:00,846

Napoleon Bonaparte?

00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:04,266

I think he's up here.

00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:09,646

Oh, hello, folks.

What's the problem?

00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:11,898

There you are,

Boy With Balls on His Chin.

00:12:12,023 --> 00:12:14,985

We've got big news.

The union is striking.

00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:17,446

The union?

Oh, that's why you came?

00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:19,197

We're tired

of our crappy prizes,

00:12:19,322 --> 00:12:20,532

so the union president,

00:12:20,657 --> 00:12:22,200

Man With Terrible

Skin Condition,

00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:23,952

has told us

to round everyone up.

00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,787

Oh, I can't freak-strike,

fellas.

00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:27,247

I-I'm grounded.

00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:28,373

Grounded for what?

00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:30,709

For having balls on my -- Aah!

I mean nothing.

00:12:30,834 --> 00:12:32,085

I'm not grounded.

00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:33,336

Good.

Then you can march with us.

00:12:33,462 --> 00:12:35,881

Freaks of the world...

- ALL: Unite!

00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:39,968

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

MAN: Today on "Maury Povich,"

00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:42,763

these moms don't know what to do

with their out-of-control kids.

00:12:42,888 --> 00:12:45,182

Young boys and girls so whorish

on our show

00:12:45,307 --> 00:12:47,684

that it borders

on child pornography!

00:12:47,809 --> 00:12:49,644

We're here talking with moms

00:12:49,770 --> 00:12:51,813

who think their children

are out of control.

00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:54,858

Now, Vanessa here says that her

13-year-old daughter, Vanity,

00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:58,528

is already doing drugs

and having sex with older men.

00:12:58,653 --> 00:12:59,696

[ Sobbing ]

00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:01,406

ALL: Oh!

00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:02,991

Vanessa, what does Vanity say

to you

00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:05,660

when you tell her to do

her homework?

00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:07,662

She says she hates me.

00:13:07,788 --> 00:13:10,081

She -- She calls me "retard".

00:13:10,207 --> 00:13:14,085

Then she says my cooze is all

dried up and nobody wants it.

00:13:14,211 --> 00:13:15,712

[ Sobs ]

00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:17,172

ALL: Aw!

00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,090

Well, let's bring her out.

Here's Vanity!

00:13:19,216 --> 00:13:21,510

[ Mid-tempo music plays,

audience booing ]

00:13:21,635 --> 00:13:23,512

Whatever.

Whatever.

00:13:23,637 --> 00:13:25,889

You fucking cocksuckers

don't know shit.

00:13:26,014 --> 00:13:27,182

Fuck you!

00:13:28,350 --> 00:13:31,353

Oh!

[ Sobbing ]

00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:34,981

Wow. Vanity, you are really

an out-of-control teen.

00:13:35,106 --> 00:13:37,776

[ Cheers and applause,

audience chanting "Maury" ]

00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:39,069

Whatever!

00:13:39,194 --> 00:13:41,905

Maury, my mom don't know shit.

You can aks her.

00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:43,949

I aks all my homies

if they be down with it.

00:13:44,074 --> 00:13:45,826

You know, it's all good.

Shit.

00:13:45,951 --> 00:13:47,035

[ Booing ]

00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,120

Fuck you, cocksuckers!

00:13:49,246 --> 00:13:51,498

[Audience booing ]

Geez. That girl is pissed off.

00:13:51,623 --> 00:13:54,584

Okay. Cartman family,

you're on in two minutes.

00:13:54,709 --> 00:13:57,420

Why can't you just listen to me

and love me and --

00:13:57,546 --> 00:13:58,421

- Oh!

- Shut up!

00:13:58,547 --> 00:14:00,590

Shut the fuck up,

you dried-up skank!

00:14:00,715 --> 00:14:02,008

[ Sobbing ]

00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:04,636

I'm glad you're not like that,

poopsy-kins.

00:14:04,761 --> 00:14:06,555

But if I'm not

the most out-of-control teen,

00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,181

I might not win the prize.

00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:10,684

Excuse me.

I want to make a quick change.

00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:11,768

Where's wardrobe?

00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:13,812

Second door on the right.

00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:17,607

CROWD: [ Chanting ]

Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike!

00:14:17,732 --> 00:14:20,569

Strike! Strike! Strike!

Strike! Strike!

00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:23,363

Brothers and sisters, the time

has come for us to be treated

00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:25,198

with the respect we deserve!

00:14:25,323 --> 00:14:27,701

We're a strong and diverse group

of people,

00:14:27,826 --> 00:14:30,412

with members like

Woman With Crablike Body,

00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:34,791

Incredibly Obese Black Person,

Man With Brains Outside of Head,

00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:36,501

and Liza Minnelli.

00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:40,297

The talk shows have us on and

give us little gifts and perks

00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:43,091

while they make

tens of thousands of dollars!

00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,342

[ Crowd cheering ]

00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:46,970

We told the talk shows

our demands, and they laughed!

00:14:47,095 --> 00:14:49,180

They say they can get

plenty of other stupid guests

00:14:49,306 --> 00:14:50,432

to go on their shows,

00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,893

so we must picket

those other guests.

00:14:53,018 --> 00:14:54,352

[ Crowd cheering ]

00:14:54,477 --> 00:14:56,897

Oh, guys, I-I need to go.

I can't picket, guys.

00:14:57,022 --> 00:14:58,356

You're not gonna picket?

00:14:58,481 --> 00:14:59,691

MAN:

Who's not gonna picket?

00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:02,485

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:15:02,611 --> 00:15:04,779

Boy With Balls on Chin

doesn't want to picket.

00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:07,490

It's just that my parents are --

I can't picket.

00:15:07,616 --> 00:15:09,993

Why?

You're not a scab, are you?

00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:11,578

No, I'm not a scab.

00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:14,706

Now, we will split up into

groups and form picket lines.

00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:17,876

The first group will be led

by Incredibly Obese Black Man.

00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:20,462

Excuse me. I'm not

Incredibly Obese Black Man.

00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:23,214

I'm Incredibly Black Obese Man.

00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:26,009

Oh. Right.

My bad.

00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:28,553

MAN: And now back to more kids

who are out of control,

00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:30,180

on "The Maury Povich Show"!

00:15:30,305 --> 00:15:31,765

Our next mother

is Liane Cartman.

00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:34,643

Her son claims to be the most

out-of-control kid in the world

00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:37,646

and says there's nothing

his stupid mom can do about it.

00:15:37,771 --> 00:15:38,688

ALL: Aw!

00:15:38,813 --> 00:15:40,649

Why won't you kids behave?!

00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:41,900

Oh!

- Shut up, skank!

00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:43,360

He's not talking to you!

00:15:43,485 --> 00:15:44,611

[ Sobs ]

00:15:44,736 --> 00:15:46,821

So, Ms. Cartman,

you can't control your child?

00:15:46,947 --> 00:15:49,449

Oh, my little poopsy-kins gets

into no-nos once in a while,

00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:51,910

but he's still my perfect

little sumpsy-kittles.

00:15:52,035 --> 00:15:54,371

Well, your son made a video backstage.

Let's take a look.

00:15:54,496 --> 00:15:55,956

[ Down-tempo hip-hop plays ]

00:15:56,081 --> 00:15:58,166

Maury, I am out of control.

00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:00,502

Yeah, I use drugs.

I can do what I want, bitch.

00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:02,337

Yeah, I have sex,

and I don't use protection.

00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:04,506

It's my hot body.

I'll do what I want.

00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:06,341

I don't go to school,

and I kill people.

00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:08,343

Whatever!

I'll do what I want.

00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:11,262

[Audience murmuring, booing ]

00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:12,847

Oh, he's such a cutie.

00:16:12,973 --> 00:16:14,975

Well, let's bring him out.

Here's Eric Cartman!

00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:16,643

[ Mid-tempo music plays,

audience booing ]

00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:18,436

Whatever!

Whatever!

00:16:19,562 --> 00:16:21,648

Maury, my mom can't control me.

Aks her!

00:16:21,773 --> 00:16:23,066

Go on.

Aks her!

00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:25,026

Ms. Cartman, what does

your son like to do?

00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:27,988

Ooh, he loves playing with his

Clyde Frog and Wellington Bear.

00:16:28,113 --> 00:16:30,991

Mom, we're pretending, remember?

Sex and drugs.

00:16:31,116 --> 00:16:32,826

Oh.

I mean sex and drugs.

00:16:32,951 --> 00:16:34,869

ALL: Oh!

00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:36,287

[ Snapping fingers ]

Whatever! Whatever!

00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:37,664

I'll do what I want!

00:16:37,789 --> 00:16:40,041

Oh, whatever.

You ain't tough, ho.

00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:41,334

I run with gangs.

00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:43,461

Oh, yeah?

I run with 12 gangs.

00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:44,963

And we only commit hate crimes.

00:16:45,088 --> 00:16:46,798

Whatever!

I'll do what I want!

00:16:46,923 --> 00:16:48,133

Whatever!

00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:50,051

You ain't bad.

You ain't nothing.

00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:53,054

I ditch class and go shoot

heroin in the school bathroom.

00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:55,557

Whatever!

I ran for Congress and won.

00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:58,351

Then I had sex with an intern,

killed her, and hid her body.

00:16:58,476 --> 00:17:00,228

Whatever!

I'll do what I want!

00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:03,023

MAN: What do we want?

- ALL: Better prizes!

00:17:03,148 --> 00:17:04,816

When do we want them?

- Now!

00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:07,235

What do we want?

- Better prizes.

00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,237

When do we want them?

- Now, I guess.

00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:10,488

Sir, I really got to go home.

00:17:10,613 --> 00:17:11,781

My parents are gonna be sore

at me.

00:17:11,906 --> 00:17:13,908

Napoleon, you need to understand

something.

00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:16,036

For you a union to work,

all members must be prepared

00:17:16,161 --> 00:17:18,204

to make sacrifices

and stick together.

00:17:18,329 --> 00:17:19,873

But I got to get back

to my family.

00:17:19,998 --> 00:17:22,292

We're your family too, Napoleon.

We're like you.

00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:23,334

When we look at you,

00:17:23,460 --> 00:17:25,420

we don't even see

the testicles on your chin.

00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,213

We see the testicles

in your heart.

00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:29,090

What do we want?

- ALL: Better prizes!

00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:30,592

When do we want them?

- Now!

00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:32,635

Oh, hamburgers.

This just keeps getting worse.

00:17:32,761 --> 00:17:34,054

[ Sirens wailing ]

00:17:34,179 --> 00:17:36,598

Okay, folks.

We're gonna have to move along.

00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:39,267

Why? We're a union,

and we have a right to picket.

00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:40,101

I'm sorry,

00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:42,687

but the government does not

recognize you as a union.

00:17:42,812 --> 00:17:43,855

You'll have to go.

00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:44,856

What are you saying?

00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:45,982

That because of our appearance,

00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:47,817

our organization

is less important?

00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:49,944

Now, now, now,

I'm not telling you people

00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:51,571

that your union doesn't matter.

00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:54,866

I'm just telling you

that you're not really people.

00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:57,243

All right.

That does it.

00:17:57,368 --> 00:17:59,329

It's time to bring out

the big guns.

00:17:59,454 --> 00:18:01,623

Prepare the video sabotage.

00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:04,375

Oh, no.

Not the video sabotage.

00:18:05,794 --> 00:18:07,837

MAN: Who is the most

out-of-control child?

00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:09,839

We're back with Maury.

00:18:09,964 --> 00:18:11,299

We're here talking with moms

00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:13,885

who think their children

are out of control.

00:18:14,010 --> 00:18:15,178

Whatever!

00:18:15,303 --> 00:18:17,555

I slaughtered five baby seals

with my bare hands.

00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,599

Whatever!

I'll do what I want!

00:18:19,724 --> 00:18:20,767

Now let's meet Joline.

00:18:20,892 --> 00:18:23,103

Joline says that her daughter

is also out of control,

00:18:23,228 --> 00:18:24,896

that she's flirting

with older men --

00:18:25,021 --> 00:18:27,357

and she's only four months old.

00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:28,775

ALL: Oh!

00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:30,276

Mm-hmm.

That's right, Maury.

00:18:30,401 --> 00:18:32,278

Let's bring her out.

Here's Chantal!

00:18:32,403 --> 00:18:35,782

[ Mid-tempo music plays,

audience booing ]

00:18:37,575 --> 00:18:39,327

[ Baby laughing, cooing ]

00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:42,372

So, Joline, exactly how

is your daughter out of control?

00:18:42,497 --> 00:18:44,332

You say she flirts

with older men?

00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:45,542

Maury, it's like this.

00:18:45,667 --> 00:18:47,252

Whenever I have friends

over to the house,

00:18:47,377 --> 00:18:49,295

Chantal will come waltzing

into the living room

00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:51,131

completely naked!

00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:52,966

ALL: Oh!

00:18:53,091 --> 00:18:55,760

Whatever.

I helped in a drive-by shooting.

00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:56,678

Whatever!

00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:58,096

I digitally put Jabba the Hutt

00:18:58,221 --> 00:18:59,806

back into the original

"Star Wars" movie.

00:18:59,931 --> 00:19:01,057

I'll do what I want!

00:19:01,182 --> 00:19:02,851

Wow!

That is out of control.

00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:03,852

Why, just last night,

00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:06,229

I had three gentleman callers

over to my house,

00:19:06,354 --> 00:19:09,649

and Chantal took her clothes off

right in front of everybody!

00:19:09,774 --> 00:19:11,067

ALL: Boo!

00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:15,280

You see? There she goes.

There she goes.

00:19:15,405 --> 00:19:17,282

Whore!

You goddamn whore!

00:19:17,407 --> 00:19:19,117

[ Static ]

00:19:19,242 --> 00:19:21,077

Attention, "Maury" viewers.

00:19:21,202 --> 00:19:22,662

What the hell is this?

00:19:22,787 --> 00:19:24,956

A lot of decent,

hardworking freaks in America

00:19:25,081 --> 00:19:28,501

are losing their talk-show jobs

to freaks of a different nature.

00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:30,879

Sure, everyone in this great

country of ours is a freak.

00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:34,090

But true, physically deformed

freaks must be recognized,

00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:36,551

for it is these real freaks

that make you all feel better

00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,511

about yourselves

for not being one.

00:19:38,636 --> 00:19:40,305

So next time

you're watching television,

00:19:40,430 --> 00:19:42,473

make sure it's a show

with freak freaks

00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:44,017

and not just with people

that are freaks

00:19:44,142 --> 00:19:46,519

because they're stupid

trailer trash from the South.

00:19:46,644 --> 00:19:49,689

That's what we mean when we say

look for the True Freak label.

00:19:49,814 --> 00:19:54,068

♪ Look for

the True Freak label ♪

00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:58,489

ALL: ♪ When you are watching

a TV talk show ♪

00:19:58,615 --> 00:20:02,952

♪ Remember somewhere

a union's growing ♪

00:20:03,077 --> 00:20:06,873

♪ Our wages going

to feed the kids ♪

00:20:06,998 --> 00:20:08,082

♪ And run the house ♪

00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:09,626

♪ We work hard ♪

00:20:09,751 --> 00:20:12,045

♪ But who's complaining? ♪

00:20:12,170 --> 00:20:15,632

♪ With TFU,

we're making our way ♪

00:20:15,757 --> 00:20:20,345

♪ So always look for

the True Freak label ♪

00:20:20,470 --> 00:20:26,142

♪ Because you need us

right here in the USA ♪

00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:28,728

Uh, sorry, America.

A little glitch there.

00:20:28,853 --> 00:20:30,271

Anyway --

- They're right.

00:20:30,396 --> 00:20:32,232

We should've never crossed

that picket line.

00:20:32,357 --> 00:20:34,150

Come on, honey.

[Audience murmuring ]

00:20:34,275 --> 00:20:35,568

Wait. Wait.

Come back!

00:20:35,693 --> 00:20:37,362

Maybe we can make

the other out-of-control kids

00:20:37,487 --> 00:20:38,863

take their clothes off, too.

00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:40,907

Whatever!

I'll crap in Maury's pants!

00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:44,744

Sir, the ratings

have just started to plummet.

00:20:44,869 --> 00:20:47,580

Aah!

Those damn freaks!

00:20:49,123 --> 00:20:51,042

[ Birds chirping ]

00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:53,378

I gave you shoes and groceries!

00:20:53,503 --> 00:20:54,921

And this is how you repay me?

00:20:56,130 --> 00:20:57,340

Very well.

00:20:57,465 --> 00:20:59,217

Come upstairs

and...we'll negotiate.

00:20:59,342 --> 00:21:01,761

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

00:21:01,886 --> 00:21:04,347

[All cheering ]

00:21:04,472 --> 00:21:06,224

We did it!

The strike worked!

00:21:06,349 --> 00:21:08,893

Now we can go on

with our careers.

00:21:09,477 --> 00:21:11,145

Oh, thank God that's over.

00:21:11,271 --> 00:21:12,689

Now I can get back home.

00:21:12,814 --> 00:21:15,733

Butters, you have screwed me out

of a prize for the last time!

00:21:15,858 --> 00:21:18,111

[ Crowd gasps ]

00:21:18,236 --> 00:21:20,822

Oh, double hamburgers.

00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:21,864

Jesus Christ!

00:21:21,990 --> 00:21:22,949

That out-of-control kid

00:21:23,074 --> 00:21:24,867

ripped poor Napoleon's balls

right off!

00:21:24,993 --> 00:21:26,744

Get him!

- Aah!

00:21:26,869 --> 00:21:29,455

[ Crowd shouting ]

- MAN: Boil him!

00:21:29,580 --> 00:21:33,084

Hey, things actually turned out

okay for me this time.

00:21:33,209 --> 00:21:34,544

Butters!

00:21:34,669 --> 00:21:36,129

Oh, I know.