Асспен

00:00:12,096 --> 00:00:13,639

Yes. It was fabulous.

00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:15,516

Oh, we're just really happy

that your boys

00:00:15,641 --> 00:00:17,476

have become such good friends

with our little Butters.

00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:19,895

Yeah! We figured that if our boys

are gonna be great friends,

00:00:20,021 --> 00:00:21,814

we should all get to be friends,

too.

00:00:21,939 --> 00:00:23,941

Friends by default.

00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:26,819

Our boys do seem to be spending

a lot of time together lately.

00:00:26,944 --> 00:00:29,155

I think ever since

their friend Kenny died,

00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:31,073

they've been looking for someone

to fill the void.

00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:32,825

Well, our son

is a perfect void-filler.

00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:34,910

It's nice

that he finally has your sons

00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:36,495

to be his best buddies.

00:00:37,997 --> 00:00:39,373

Look, you guys.

Butters is asleep.

00:00:39,498 --> 00:00:40,499

He's such a douchebag.

00:00:40,624 --> 00:00:41,959

Hey, have you guys

ever seen this trick?

00:00:42,084 --> 00:00:44,837

When someone's sleeping, you can

take a glass of warm water.

00:00:44,962 --> 00:00:47,256

And you put their hand in it.

00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:48,257

Yeah?

And then what?

00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,634

And then you pee on 'em.

00:00:53,262 --> 00:00:55,264

No, dude, you're supposed to put

their hand in warm water

00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:56,682

and it makes them pee.

00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:57,600

Oh, really?

00:00:57,725 --> 00:00:59,518

Oh, well.

00:00:59,643 --> 00:01:00,686

And we were thinking

00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:02,396

since they've all become

such close friends

00:01:02,521 --> 00:01:04,815

how great it would be for us

to all go together to Aspen

00:01:04,940 --> 00:01:06,067

for a ski weekend.

00:01:06,192 --> 00:01:08,903

Aspen?

Uh, we can't really afford that.

00:01:09,028 --> 00:01:10,905

You see, Linda and I found

this ad

00:01:11,030 --> 00:01:13,282

where you can get two nights

free in a condo in Aspen

00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:15,576

if you attend

a time-share presentation.

00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:16,911

They let you stay for free?

00:01:17,036 --> 00:01:19,163

Yes! And all we have to do

is attend a 30-minute meeting.

00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:21,582

Well, that sounds like

a good deal.

00:01:21,707 --> 00:01:23,501

Sounds good to me.

Let's go this weekend.

00:01:23,626 --> 00:01:26,003

Oh, boy. Skiing in Aspen.

I can't wait.

00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:30,049

Hey, boys, we're all going

to Aspen for the weekend.

00:01:30,174 --> 00:01:31,175

All right!

00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:34,011

Wow! A ski trip

with my new best buddies!

00:01:34,136 --> 00:01:36,931

Oh, I'm all sticky.

00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:40,851

Here we are, everyone.

00:02:11,841 --> 00:02:13,134

Oh, this is gonna be

so much fun.

00:02:13,259 --> 00:02:15,261

I haven't skied in years.

00:02:15,386 --> 00:02:17,638

Where are Butters and Eric?

- They're still asleep.

00:02:17,763 --> 00:02:20,391

Butters, Eric, come on!

We got to get to the powder.

00:02:23,144 --> 00:02:25,896

Hello, folks!

I'm Phil, and this is Josh.

00:02:26,021 --> 00:02:27,148

We're with the Aspen

Time-Share Company.

00:02:27,273 --> 00:02:28,190

Hello!

00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:29,984

You folks enjoying the condo?

00:02:30,109 --> 00:02:31,360

It's lovely.

Thank you.

00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:32,987

You guys, you guys.

00:02:33,112 --> 00:02:34,780

You're not gonna believe this.

This is so funny.

00:02:34,905 --> 00:02:35,865

What?

00:02:35,990 --> 00:02:38,075

So, last night

while Butters was asleep,

00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:39,243

I gave him a Hitler.

00:02:39,368 --> 00:02:40,578

What's a Hitler?

- You know!

00:02:40,703 --> 00:02:42,538

When somebody's sleeping,

you put your finger up your butt

00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:43,831

and wipe it on their upper lip

00:02:43,956 --> 00:02:45,541

to give them

a little Hitler mustache.

00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:46,876

You've never Hitlered anyone?

00:02:47,001 --> 00:02:48,085

No, I never have.

00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:49,128

Shh! Shh!

Here he comes.

00:02:49,253 --> 00:02:51,964

Good morning, fellas!

All set to go skiing?

00:02:53,591 --> 00:02:56,302

Uh, what's so funny?

00:02:56,427 --> 00:02:58,387

Nothing, Butters.

Right, guys?

00:02:58,512 --> 00:02:59,805

Well, we can't wait to show you

00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:01,807

what Aspen Time-Share

is offering investors.

00:03:01,932 --> 00:03:03,267

Shall we do

our 30-minute meeting?

00:03:03,392 --> 00:03:05,227

Oh.

Do we have to do it right now?

00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:07,479

Well, best to do it

and get it out of the way.

00:03:07,605 --> 00:03:08,189

Okay.

00:03:08,314 --> 00:03:11,108

Boys, we have to go

to this time-share presentation real quick,

00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:13,652

but you go meet your ski

instructor on the bunny hill.

00:03:13,777 --> 00:03:14,653

Okay.

00:03:14,778 --> 00:03:17,072

We'll meet you boys

on the slopes.

00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:19,158

Hey, do you guys smell that?

- Smell what?

00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:21,535

Uh, it kind of smells stinky

in this condo.

00:03:22,745 --> 00:03:24,914

I don't smell anything.

Do you guys?

00:03:35,299 --> 00:03:37,760

Do you guys smell that?

It smells bad out here, too.

00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:40,012

I'm starting to think this

whole town smells like doo-doo.

00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:42,890

Yeah. Well, you see,

that's why they call it Ass-pen.

00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:46,685

All right, little dudes.

Great to see you out here.

00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:47,686

My name is Thumper,

00:03:47,811 --> 00:03:49,730

and I'm gonna be

your cool ski instructor.

00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:50,814

His name is Thumper?

00:03:50,940 --> 00:03:52,274

We're gonna take it slow,

take it easy,

00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,360

make sure everybody has

a good time.

00:03:54,485 --> 00:03:58,489

'Cause what is skiing about?

Having a good...

00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:01,408

...time.

That's right.

00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:03,494

Now, just a few safety things

to keep in mind.

00:04:03,619 --> 00:04:05,371

First of all, look

straight ahead when you ski.

00:04:05,496 --> 00:04:06,789

If you look down,

you're gonna fall.

00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:08,249

You're gonna have a bad time.

00:04:08,374 --> 00:04:09,875

Also, be aware of skiers

around you.

00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,253

If you run into another skier,

your skis are gonna cross --

00:04:12,378 --> 00:04:13,754

gonna have a bad time.

00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:15,756

So where's the part

where we have a good time?

00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:17,883

Hey, little dude,

you got some crap right here.

00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:19,593

That's my face, sir.

00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:21,387

We're gonna do this

without any poles

00:04:21,512 --> 00:04:24,348

until we know

our two primary feet positions.

00:04:24,473 --> 00:04:27,518

To go slow,

we wedge our skis together

00:04:27,643 --> 00:04:30,104

in the shape

of a slice of pizza.

00:04:30,229 --> 00:04:33,232

Then to go faster,

we put them parallel like...

00:04:33,357 --> 00:04:34,233

french fries.

00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:35,192

You see that?

00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:37,695

Pizza...french fries...

00:04:37,820 --> 00:04:39,613

Pizza...french fries.

00:04:39,738 --> 00:04:42,199

Hey, this is gonna be

just like eating at Shakey's,

00:04:42,324 --> 00:04:43,117

huh, fellas?

00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:45,160

Let's have the little dude

on the end try it first.

00:04:45,286 --> 00:04:47,997

- What's your name?

- I-I-Ike!

00:04:48,122 --> 00:04:49,873

Okay, Mike.

Ski down to me.

00:04:51,417 --> 00:04:52,793

Go on, Ike.

00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:54,795

Pizza.

00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,630

French fries.

00:04:56,755 --> 00:04:59,425

Pizza.

French fries.

00:04:59,550 --> 00:05:01,343

French fri-i-i-es!

00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,388

Pizza-a-a-a!

00:05:06,181 --> 00:05:07,141

Okay.

You see what he did?

00:05:07,266 --> 00:05:09,143

He french-fried

when he should have pizzaed.

00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:12,104

You french-fry when you pizza,

you're gonna have a bad time.

00:05:14,189 --> 00:05:16,233

And so we think

we can convince you

00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:17,526

to buy one of our condos

00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,653

that's opening right here

in Phase IV.

00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:22,323

That sounds like

a great investment opportunity.

00:05:22,448 --> 00:05:24,074

I'm sorry, but none of us

can really afford

00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:25,951

to own our own vacation condo.

00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:27,661

To be honest,

we're just doing this meeting

00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:29,538

because of the two-nights-free

deal.

00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,248

Oh, I know.

That's what everybody says.

00:05:31,373 --> 00:05:32,666

"Not me.

I can't afford it."

00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:35,044

But what if I told you could own

one of our properties

00:05:35,169 --> 00:05:36,628

for only $8,000?

00:05:36,754 --> 00:05:37,671

Wow!

00:05:37,796 --> 00:05:40,007

For $8,000 we can buy a condo

here?

00:05:40,132 --> 00:05:42,343

You see, time-share means

you buy the condo

00:05:42,468 --> 00:05:44,636

with about 20 other people

like yourselves.

00:05:44,762 --> 00:05:46,930

You share the condo

with other investors

00:05:47,056 --> 00:05:49,058

and pick the time

you want to stay.

00:05:49,183 --> 00:05:51,894

"Share," "time" --

time-share!

00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:53,937

So then it's not really ours.

00:05:54,063 --> 00:05:56,440

Sure it is --

1/24th and a half yours.

00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:58,108

You see, time-share

has made it possible

00:05:58,233 --> 00:05:59,860

for even working-class people

like you

00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:02,571

to say, "I've got

a little place in Aspen."

00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,490

Try it.

Try saying it.

00:06:04,615 --> 00:06:06,241

"I've got a little place

in Aspen."

00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:08,327

I've got a little place

in Aspen.

00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:10,162

Rolls off the tongue nicely,

doesn't it?

00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:12,831

Say, guys, how you'd like

to tell that hot secretary,

00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:14,792

"I've got a nice little place

in Aspen"?

00:06:14,917 --> 00:06:16,877

Just kidding, wives.

00:06:17,002 --> 00:06:18,754

Listen.

Uh, it's been 30 minutes.

00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:20,631

We'd like to go hit the slopes

now.

00:06:20,756 --> 00:06:22,466

You've still got to come

to the time-share luncheon.

00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:24,635

We did give you

a free condo for the weekend.

00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:27,179

Your ad said we only had to

attend a 30-minute meeting.

00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:28,722

Right, but this isn't

that meeting.

00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:30,057

The luncheon is that meeting.

00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:31,058

Don't worry.

00:06:31,183 --> 00:06:33,644

You're gonna have a great

free meal at the luncheon.

00:06:35,646 --> 00:06:37,606

French fries.

Pizza.

00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:38,649

French fries.

00:06:38,774 --> 00:06:39,942

Come on, Cartman!

00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:41,777

No more.

00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:46,115

Looks like you think you're

a pretty good skier, huh, kid?

00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:47,783

I'm catching on pretty fast,

I guess.

00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,410

I've been skiing for 22 years.

00:06:49,535 --> 00:06:51,036

Think you can beat me?

00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:52,204

Uh, no.

00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:53,664

What's your name, hotshot?

00:06:53,789 --> 00:06:54,665

Stan Marsh.

00:06:54,790 --> 00:06:56,500

Stan Marsh?

00:06:56,625 --> 00:06:59,128

Stan Darsh is more like it.

00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:00,671

Darsh.

00:07:00,796 --> 00:07:02,214

All right.

How about a race, then?

00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:03,632

You and me.

00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:04,758

Dude, I'm just learning.

00:07:04,883 --> 00:07:08,345

Ooh!

00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:12,182

Looks to me like you're not

such a hotshot after all.

00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:13,308

I never said I was.

00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:14,268

Ooh!

00:07:14,393 --> 00:07:15,936

Ooh.

- Ooh.

00:07:16,061 --> 00:07:17,438

You may think you got

what it takes,

00:07:17,563 --> 00:07:20,399

but as long as I'm around,

you'll always be number two.

00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:22,693

See you later, Darsh.

00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:33,078

And that is why owning

a piece of an Aspen condo

00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:34,246

is not only possible...

00:07:34,371 --> 00:07:35,789

It's downright smart.

00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:36,582

Uh-huh.

00:07:36,707 --> 00:07:40,294

Oh, here it is, as promised --

a fabulous free lunch.

00:07:40,419 --> 00:07:42,379

Wow.

Filet mignon and lobster.

00:07:42,504 --> 00:07:43,839

Not bad.

00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,966

It's nice to feel rich,

isn't it?

00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:47,843

Oh, you know,

this is really great.

00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,012

It sure is.

00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:54,016

- What?

- Wait.

00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:56,477

You see, that's the great thing

about time-share --

00:07:56,602 --> 00:07:58,937

You get a little taste

of luxuries you can't afford.

00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:01,315

And then share it with

the people that come tomorrow.

00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:03,650

All right. We've been here

for over three hours.

00:08:03,775 --> 00:08:05,652

Yeah.

Can we go now, please?

00:08:05,777 --> 00:08:07,529

Of course you can.

Go hit those slopes.

00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:08,989

If you could,

please show me the backs

00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:11,575

of your table place cards

real quick.

00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:14,536

Oh, my God!

You got the red sticker!

00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:16,705

They got the red sticker?

- They got the red sticker!

00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:17,915

What's the red sticker?

00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:20,501

Well, that means if you come up

to the condo sales office,

00:08:20,626 --> 00:08:22,544

you'll receive one

of three great prizes.

00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:23,587

No, no, no, no, no.

00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:25,214

We did your meeting

and we did your lunch.

00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:26,423

We're finished, okay?

00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:29,426

Okay. Okay. Fine. I mean,

it would only take a second.

00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:31,178

But, I mean,

what did we do for you

00:08:31,303 --> 00:08:33,764

except give you a free condo

for the weekend?

00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:35,641

Seems like you could just

at least come up

00:08:35,766 --> 00:08:37,309

and see what prize you got.

00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:42,606

Oh, all right!

00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:50,072

Pizza.

- French fries.

00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:51,114

French fries.

- Pizza.

00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:53,242

French fries. Pizza.

- Pizza to French fries.

00:08:56,787 --> 00:08:58,205

I wonder where our parents are.

00:08:58,330 --> 00:09:00,290

Who cares?

I'm having more fun on my own.

00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:03,877

Well, well, well.

If it isn't Stan Darsh.

00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:04,795

Oh, no.

00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:07,297

Say, Darsh, you don't mind

if I take Heather out

00:09:07,422 --> 00:09:08,966

for some fondue tonight, do you?

00:09:09,091 --> 00:09:10,217

Heather?

00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:13,262

Sorry, Stan, it's just

that when it comes to skiing,

00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:14,930

Tad has all the right moves.

00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,598

I just might show her

my moves tonight,

00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,058

if you know what I mean.

00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:19,309

You aren't mad, are you, Stan?

00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:22,646

I mean, a girl's got to look out

for her best interests.

00:09:23,272 --> 00:09:25,065

Who are you people?

00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:26,650

Still don't want to race me?

00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:28,610

I told you he was chicken,

Heather.

00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:31,947

Stan Marsh the Darsh.

00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:32,906

All right, dude.

00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:34,324

If I race you,

will you leave me alone?

00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:36,326

Oooh!

- Ooh!

00:09:36,451 --> 00:09:37,536

All right.

Fine.

00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:40,163

You and me at the summit.

Now.

00:09:40,289 --> 00:09:41,331

Okay.

00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:43,375

Race! Race!

- Race! Race!

00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:45,168

Ladies and gentlemen,

00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:48,922

Aspen Mountain presents

another extreme racing showdown.

00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:52,092

Seven-time world Aspen champion

Tad Mikowski

00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:55,220

versus eight-year-old

Stan Marsh!

00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:58,974

Ha!

You're going down, little boy.

00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,392

Yeah, probably.

00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:02,394

Do you think Stan has a chance?

00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:09,568

Uh, go, Stan!

00:10:14,156 --> 00:10:15,782

French fries.

Pizza.

00:10:15,907 --> 00:10:18,076

French fries.

Pizza.

00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:20,120

He's got him!

Tad's gonna win it!

00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:30,297

Yeah! Yeaahh!

00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:35,135

Yeah!

You lose, Darsh!

00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:36,303

Oh!

00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:40,766

Yeah!

00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:43,602

Uh, Stan, y-you gave it

your best shot,

00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:45,103

and that's all Jesus asks

of you.

00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:47,397

Dude, I'm just happy this

whole stupid thing is over with.

00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,942

No hard feelings, right, Darsh?

00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:54,738

Yeah!

00:10:56,448 --> 00:11:00,619

Stan, for whatever it's worth,

I think you were really brave.

00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:01,787

Thanks.

Who are you?

00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:03,121

Hey, all the cool teens

00:11:03,246 --> 00:11:05,499

are gonna be at the youth center

tonight for a dance.

00:11:05,624 --> 00:11:07,709

I hope you'll come,

because you're just so --

00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:10,379

Well, you're just so --

Well, that's all!

00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:13,757

Finally, we get to go skiing.

00:11:13,882 --> 00:11:16,301

Oh, my God. Look how long

the lift lines are.

00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:19,012

Yeah. I guess these passes

the time-share salesmen gave us

00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:20,222

will come in handy.

00:11:21,807 --> 00:11:22,933

Can I help you?

- Yes.

00:11:23,058 --> 00:11:24,309

We have the special passes

00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:27,104

to use the exclusive lift

from the time-share company.

00:11:27,229 --> 00:11:28,772

Oh!

Go right on ahead, folks.

00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:30,482

Thank you.

00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,860

Well, this certainly is nice.

00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:35,529

Yeah, we may not have gotten to ski

earlier,

00:11:35,654 --> 00:11:38,073

but with this lift, we'll get

more runs in than anybody.

00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,909

Have fun waiting in line,

suckers!

00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:42,285

Whoo-hoo!

- Oh, Chris.

00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,540

Hey, look. This chair lift

goes right into a building.

00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:50,168

Welcome back, folks.

00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:53,213

We've got a special new offer

we can't wait to tell you about.

00:11:53,338 --> 00:11:54,798

Oh, God damn it!

00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:57,259

Dude, it's been 12 hours.

00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,052

Where the hell are our parents?

00:12:02,139 --> 00:12:04,683

I'm glad you guys came.

Do you like our youth center?

00:12:04,808 --> 00:12:06,184

Seems fine.

00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:08,186

Yeah.

Too bad we're getting shut down.

00:12:08,311 --> 00:12:11,898

That hotshot skier Tad's father

is gonna bulldoze the building.

00:12:12,023 --> 00:12:13,734

Where are all us kids

supposed to go?

00:12:13,859 --> 00:12:15,402

Don't care.

♪ F-F-F-F ♪

00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:17,654

♪ E-E-E-E, T-T-T-T, Y-Y-Y-Y ♪

00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:19,531

What do you want to do now?

- I don't know.

00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:21,491

♪ Safety dance ♪

Let's dance.

00:12:27,164 --> 00:12:29,416

Butters, I hate you

with every inch of my body.

00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:32,252

All right, Aspen,

as a special treat tonight,

00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:35,255

we're proud to have the winner

of today's race, Tad Mikowski!

00:12:37,883 --> 00:12:39,551

Oh, God.

Hey, everyone.

00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:42,220

I'd like to sing a little song

if I may.

00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:43,346

- Ooh!

- Ahh!

00:12:43,472 --> 00:12:44,806

Let's go, you guys.

00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:48,685

This is a song I wrote

about Stan Marsh.

00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:50,645

♪ Sta-a-a-n ♪

00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:51,980

♪ Darsh ♪

00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:55,692

♪ Stan Darsh, Darsh, Darsh ♪

00:12:55,817 --> 00:12:58,695

♪ Stan Darsh ♪

00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:01,323

♪ Stan Darsh, Stan Darsh ♪

00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:04,701

♪ Stan Da-a-a-rsh, Darsh ♪

00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:06,411

♪ Stan Darsh ♪

00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:08,413

Dude, what the hell

is your problem?

00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:10,582

Ooh!

- Ooh!

00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:13,210

I raced you.

You won.

00:13:13,335 --> 00:13:14,419

A rematch?

00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:17,839

Oh, Darsh, you're even dumber

than I thought.

00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,800

He'll ski you anytime, anywhere.

00:13:19,925 --> 00:13:20,842

Yeah!

- Yeah!

00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,385

But this time, if he wins,

00:13:22,511 --> 00:13:24,721

you get your dad to not close

our youth center.

00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:25,555

What?

00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,724

All right, then.

Let's make it interesting.

00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:31,353

Tomorrow afternoon...

on the K-13.

00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:35,565

The K-13?

00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:39,236

But that's the most dangerous

run in all of America.

00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,321

Well, I'm not chicken.

00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:43,698

Are you, Darsh?

00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:46,576

I'll be there, you queen.

00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:47,994

Oh, yeah?

- Yeah!

00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:52,541

Oh, Darsh, you're even dumber

than I thought...again.

00:13:52,666 --> 00:13:54,960

See ya tomorrow.

00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:59,756

You're not really gonna go down

that K-13 run, are you, Stan?

00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:00,882

Dude, I have to.

00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:02,884

Stan, you can't let that Tad guy

get to you.

00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:03,969

Screw him, dude.

00:14:04,094 --> 00:14:05,637

Dude, he's got Heather!

00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:07,097

You don't even know Heather!

00:14:07,222 --> 00:14:08,557

I know, I know!

I just...

00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:10,350

Look, I can't explain it,

but I have to do this.

00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:13,061

I'm not gonna die.

I mean, how bad can the K-13 be?

00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:14,104

The K-13?

00:14:14,229 --> 00:14:15,814

You don't want to go down

that run.

00:14:15,939 --> 00:14:17,482

That run's got a history.

00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:19,484

Thirty-five people have died

going down it,

00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:21,862

and some say you can still see

their ghosts up there.

00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:23,071

It was on that very ski run

00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,906

that a group of students

were killed by a wolf boy

00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:26,616

who escaped

from the mental institution.

00:14:26,741 --> 00:14:28,785

You see, that ski run

was once a burial ground

00:14:28,910 --> 00:14:30,620

to a tribe

of vampire Wichika Indians

00:14:30,745 --> 00:14:32,664

who ate the flesh of children

with no eyes.

00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:35,876

Yeah. A lot of history

on that ski run.

00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:39,254

Thank you.

- Yeah.

00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:40,297

Look, Stan.

00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:42,173

When Kenny died, I learned

how important friends are.

00:14:42,299 --> 00:14:43,717

I'm not gonna lose

another friend.

00:14:43,842 --> 00:14:44,801

This isn't about you, Kyle.

00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:47,512

I have to do this, okay?

I have to!

00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,603

So you see,

it's the investment opportunity

00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:55,812

that keeps on giving.

00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:57,564

How many times

do we have to tell you this?

00:14:57,689 --> 00:15:00,400

We don't want to buy shares

in a condo.

00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:02,360

And we certainly

don't want to pressure you.

00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:03,361

Pressure us?

00:15:03,486 --> 00:15:04,529

You kept us all day yesterday

00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:06,239

and then had a chair lift

bring us back.

00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:07,866

Hey, you can leave

any time you want.

00:15:07,991 --> 00:15:10,327

Of course, that is if you don't

want the super-secret fun prize

00:15:10,452 --> 00:15:11,494

for attending the slide show.

00:15:11,620 --> 00:15:13,788

No, we don't want

the super-secret fun prize.

00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:14,915

We just want to ski!

00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:16,708

- Come on, everybody.

- I know!

00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:18,835

Have you ever considered

going in on a time-share?

00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,712

That's only a couple thousand

each, Josh.

00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:22,964

Don't listen to him.

Let's just go.

00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:24,925

My God, can you believe

those people?

00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:26,801

I hope you don't blame me

for all that.

00:15:26,927 --> 00:15:29,346

The ad did just say

a 30-minute presentation.

00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:31,181

Let's just get out of here.

00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:35,894

Folks, I'm glad you're back,

because we forgot to mention

00:15:36,019 --> 00:15:38,229

time-share condos

are still deeded properties!

00:15:38,355 --> 00:15:39,856

Aah!

00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:43,860

Ooh! You folks really lucked out

this time.

00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:45,695

You're visitors number 1,000.

00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:47,906

That means you can listen

to our special offer

00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:49,532

for privileged members only.

00:15:49,658 --> 00:15:51,701

That does it.

I'm calling the police.

00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:58,291

Mister ski instructor,

I need a lot of training fast.

00:15:58,416 --> 00:15:59,960

I'm gonna race down the K-13.

00:16:00,085 --> 00:16:02,212

The K-13?

But you're just a beginner.

00:16:02,337 --> 00:16:05,131

If you ski out of your league,

you're gonna have a bad time.

00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:07,258

I have to do this, okay?

I have to.

00:16:07,384 --> 00:16:09,803

Alright, well, if you got to get good

at something really fast,

00:16:09,928 --> 00:16:11,262

there's only one way to do it.

00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:12,222

Come on!

00:16:19,771 --> 00:16:22,565

♪ The day is approaching

to give it your best ♪

00:16:22,691 --> 00:16:26,111

♪ And you've got to reach

your prime ♪

00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:29,280

♪ That's when you need to put

yourself to the test ♪

00:16:29,406 --> 00:16:31,783

♪ And show us a passage

of time ♪

00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:33,868

♪ We're gonna need a montage ♪

00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:37,330

♪ A sports-training montage ♪

00:16:37,455 --> 00:16:38,748

♪ Montage ♪

00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:41,209

♪ Show a lot of things

happening at once ♪

00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:44,587

♪ Remind everyone

of what's going on ♪

00:16:44,713 --> 00:16:48,258

♪ And with every shot,

show a little improvement ♪

00:16:48,383 --> 00:16:50,677

♪ To show it all would take

too long ♪

00:16:50,802 --> 00:16:52,971

♪ That's called a montage ♪

00:16:53,096 --> 00:16:56,307

♪ Even "Rocky" had a montage ♪

00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:57,642

♪ Montage ♪

00:16:57,767 --> 00:17:00,812

♪ In any sport

if you want to go ♪

00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:03,606

♪ From just a beginner

to a pro ♪

00:17:03,732 --> 00:17:05,692

♪ You need a montage ♪

00:17:05,817 --> 00:17:08,820

♪ A simple little montage ♪

00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:10,447

♪ Montage ♪

00:17:10,572 --> 00:17:14,993

♪ Always fade out in a montage ♪

00:17:15,118 --> 00:17:16,161

♪ Montage ♪

00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:19,873

♪ If you fade out, it seems like

more time has passed ♪

00:17:19,998 --> 00:17:23,001

♪ In a montage ♪

00:17:23,126 --> 00:17:24,711

♪ Montage ♪

00:17:24,836 --> 00:17:26,921

♪ Montage ♪

00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:30,550

All the ad said

was we had to attend

00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:32,010

a 30-minute meeting, right?

00:17:32,135 --> 00:17:33,636

And it's been a day and a half.

00:17:33,762 --> 00:17:36,431

These guys won't let us leave.

- That's not true, officers.

00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:38,141

We said they could leave

at any time.

00:17:38,266 --> 00:17:40,643

All right. Let me see

if I got this straight.

00:17:40,769 --> 00:17:42,896

You two gentlemen

are offering part-time

00:17:43,021 --> 00:17:45,732

limited liability ownership

in one of your fabulous condos

00:17:45,857 --> 00:17:48,151

for the one-time price

of $8,000?!

00:17:48,276 --> 00:17:49,152

That's right!

00:17:49,277 --> 00:17:51,404

Sounds to me like if anybody

should be arrested,

00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:54,240

it should be you people for

passing up such a great deal.

00:17:54,365 --> 00:17:56,951

That's right. You're practically

stealing condos at that price.

00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:58,495

Book 'em, Danno.

00:17:58,620 --> 00:18:01,081

Oh, Jesus.

00:18:01,206 --> 00:18:02,791

No.

No!

00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:04,876

The police work for time-share,

too?

00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:06,836

The police, the mayor,

00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:09,255

the president

of the United States.

00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:12,759

Perhaps now you see

the severity of your situation.

00:18:12,884 --> 00:18:17,722

I think we shall all sit down

and listen to the presentation.

00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:19,641

Sit!

00:18:21,518 --> 00:18:25,438

Now, you're probably

asking yourselves...

00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:28,024

can my time-share condo

turn into a profit?

00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:30,318

What kind of cash flow can

I realize from my investment?

00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:31,611

The answer might astonish you.

00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:33,446

For over 10 years,

investors have seen their...

00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:38,076

The powder is fresh,

and the stage is set

00:18:38,201 --> 00:18:41,579

for Tad versus Stan on the K-13.

00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:43,623

This time

you're not just gonna lose,

00:18:43,748 --> 00:18:45,333

you're gonna die.

00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,919

I can't lose another friend.

First Kenny and now Stan.

00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:49,963

All I'm gonna have left

are you two douches.

00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:52,590

Ready. Set. Go!

00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:54,717

Pizza.

00:18:54,843 --> 00:18:56,761

Pizza.

Pizza.

00:18:56,886 --> 00:18:58,346

Tad's got the lead.

00:18:58,471 --> 00:18:59,681

Come on, Stan!

00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:07,814

This should slow down Darsh

a bit.

00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:14,237

And it looks like Tad

is way out in front.

00:19:14,362 --> 00:19:17,699

Now I'll win for sure!

00:19:18,283 --> 00:19:19,826

Oh, dude, I can't look.

00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:29,711

Let's see what some sand does

to your speed, Darsh.

00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:34,799

He doesn't stand a chance now.

00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:40,388

I'm gonna beat him!

00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:43,391

The race is half over,

and Tad is still out in the lead.

00:19:46,436 --> 00:19:49,189

When Darsh skis by here,

I'll let all these hamsters go.

00:19:49,314 --> 00:19:51,107

That should distract him

just long enough

00:19:51,232 --> 00:19:53,234

for me to win the race!

00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:55,778

Oh, Tad.

00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:57,405

What are you doing up here?

00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:58,239

Oh, nothing.

00:19:58,364 --> 00:20:01,284

I just thought maybe I could

distract you with these.

00:20:03,745 --> 00:20:04,829

Whoa.

00:20:12,462 --> 00:20:13,296

Good job, dude!

00:20:13,421 --> 00:20:14,297

Thanks.

00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:16,716

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:19,427

♪ Ooh, ooh, oh ♪

00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:20,803

You did it, Stan.

00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:25,475

Thanks a lot, Stan.

00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,894

Now we're gonna be able to keep

the youth center.

00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:31,356

Well, that does it.

00:20:31,481 --> 00:20:33,608

Looks like the spirits

of the Wichika Indians

00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:35,401

can finally rest in peace.

00:20:35,526 --> 00:20:39,322

Thank you, Stan.

00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:43,451

Stan, I was wrong about you.

Would you like to go out again?

00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:44,494

Go ahead, Stan.

00:20:44,619 --> 00:20:46,871

She's everything

you ever wanted.

00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:48,873

There you are, boys.

00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:49,832

Mom, Dad!

00:20:49,958 --> 00:20:51,167

Where the hell

have you guys been?

00:20:51,292 --> 00:20:54,003

We got a little held up

at the time-share sales office.

00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:57,006

Yeah, but the good news is

we finally came to our senses

00:20:57,131 --> 00:20:58,758

and bought some shares

in a condo.

00:20:58,883 --> 00:21:01,844

So we all get to come to Aspen

for two weeks every year.

00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:03,179

Aw!

00:21:03,304 --> 00:21:05,056

What's the matter?

Didn't you boys like skiing?

00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:05,765

No!

00:21:05,890 --> 00:21:08,434

We can't keep track of when you

pizza and when you french-fries

00:21:08,559 --> 00:21:10,520

and when the hotshot

asshole skier takes your girl,

00:21:10,645 --> 00:21:11,980

if you're supposed

to race him the first time,

00:21:12,105 --> 00:21:13,982

or train first to beat him on

the really difficult mountain

00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:16,192

so you can save the dorky-

but-hot girl's youth center.

00:21:16,317 --> 00:21:17,318

Skiing sucks!

00:21:17,443 --> 00:21:19,445

Yeah.

What a stupid sport.

00:21:22,824 --> 00:21:24,617

I heard that you were

the one responsible

00:21:24,742 --> 00:21:26,452

for making Tad lose the race.

00:21:26,577 --> 00:21:27,412

Thanks.

00:21:27,537 --> 00:21:31,249

Yeah. Well, he really flipped

when he saw these.

00:21:32,750 --> 00:21:34,210

Quaid.

00:21:34,335 --> 00:21:36,879

Start the reactor.

00:21:40,425 --> 00:21:42,385

♪ Talking away ♪

00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:45,430

♪ I don't know what I'm to say ♪

00:21:45,555 --> 00:21:48,266

♪ I'll say it anyway ♪

00:21:48,391 --> 00:21:51,894

♪ Today's another day

to find you ♪

00:21:52,020 --> 00:21:54,105

♪ Shying away ♪

00:21:54,230 --> 00:21:57,358

♪ I'll be coming for your love,

okay ♪

00:21:57,483 --> 00:21:59,652

♪ Take on ♪

00:00:07,883 --> 00:00:09,844

[ Insects chirping ]

00:00:09,969 --> 00:00:11,971

Thanks for having us all over

for dinner, Chris and Linda.

00:00:12,096 --> 00:00:13,639

Yes. It was fabulous.

00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:15,516

Oh, we're just really happy

that your boys

00:00:15,641 --> 00:00:17,476

have become such good friends

with our little Butters.

00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:19,895

Yeah! We figured that if our boys

are gonna be great friends,

00:00:20,021 --> 00:00:21,814

we should all get to be friends,

too.

00:00:21,939 --> 00:00:23,941

Friends by default.

[ Laughs ]

00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:26,819

Our boys do seem to be spending

a lot of time together lately.

00:00:26,944 --> 00:00:29,155

I think ever since

their friend Kenny died,

00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:31,073

they've been looking for someone

to fill the void.

00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:32,825

Well, our son

is a perfect void-filler.

00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:34,910

It's nice

that he finally has your sons

00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:36,495

to be his best buddies.

00:00:36,620 --> 00:00:37,872

[ Mid-tempo music playing ]

00:00:37,997 --> 00:00:39,373

Look, you guys.

Butters is asleep.

00:00:39,498 --> 00:00:40,499

He's such a douchebag.

00:00:40,624 --> 00:00:41,959

Hey, have you guys

ever seen this trick?

00:00:42,084 --> 00:00:44,837

When someone's sleeping, you can

take a glass of warm water.

00:00:44,962 --> 00:00:47,256

And you put their hand in it.

00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:48,257

Yeah?

And then what?

00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,634

And then you pee on 'em.

00:00:51,302 --> 00:00:53,137

[ Laughs ]

00:00:53,262 --> 00:00:55,264

No, dude, you're supposed to put

their hand in warm water

00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:56,682

and it makes them pee.

00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:57,600

Oh, really?

00:00:57,725 --> 00:00:59,518

Oh, well.

[ Chuckles ]

00:00:59,643 --> 00:01:00,686

And we were thinking

00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:02,396

since they've all become

such close friends

00:01:02,521 --> 00:01:04,815

how great it would be for us

to all go together to Aspen

00:01:04,940 --> 00:01:06,067

for a ski weekend.

00:01:06,192 --> 00:01:08,903

Aspen?

Uh, we can't really afford that.

00:01:09,028 --> 00:01:10,905

You see, Linda and I found

this ad

00:01:11,030 --> 00:01:13,282

where you can get two nights

free in a condo in Aspen

00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:15,576

if you attend

a time-share presentation.

00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:16,911

They let you stay for free?

00:01:17,036 --> 00:01:19,163

Yes! And all we have to do

is attend a 30-minute meeting.

00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:21,582

Well, that sounds like

a good deal.

00:01:21,707 --> 00:01:23,501

Sounds good to me.

Let's go this weekend.

00:01:23,626 --> 00:01:26,003

Oh, boy. Skiing in Aspen.

I can't wait.

00:01:26,128 --> 00:01:27,630

[A-ha's "Take On Me" plays ]

00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:30,049

Hey, boys, we're all going

to Aspen for the weekend.

00:01:30,174 --> 00:01:31,175

[All ] All right!

00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:34,011

Wow! A ski trip

with my new best buddies!

00:01:34,136 --> 00:01:36,931

Oh, I'm all sticky.

00:01:37,056 --> 00:01:38,641

[ Music continues ]

00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:40,851

BUTTERS' DAD:

Here we are, everyone.

00:01:50,194 --> 00:01:52,738

[ Music continues ]

00:01:58,369 --> 00:01:59,745

[ Crowd cheering ]

00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:02,748

[ Music continues ]

00:02:11,841 --> 00:02:13,134

Oh, this is gonna be

so much fun.

00:02:13,259 --> 00:02:15,261

I haven't skied in years.

00:02:15,386 --> 00:02:17,638

Where are Butters and Eric?

- They're still asleep.

00:02:17,763 --> 00:02:20,391

Butters, Eric, come on!

We got to get to the powder.

00:02:20,516 --> 00:02:22,226

[ Knock on door ]

00:02:23,144 --> 00:02:25,896

Hello, folks!

I'm Phil, and this is Josh.

00:02:26,021 --> 00:02:27,148

We're with the Aspen

Time-Share Company.

00:02:27,273 --> 00:02:28,190

[All]

Hello!

00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:29,984

You folks enjoying the condo?

00:02:30,109 --> 00:02:31,360

It's lovely.

Thank you.

00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:32,987

You guys, you guys.

00:02:33,112 --> 00:02:34,780

You're not gonna believe this.

This is so funny.

00:02:34,905 --> 00:02:35,865

What?

00:02:35,990 --> 00:02:38,075

So, last night

while Butters was asleep,

00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:39,243

I gave him a Hitler.

00:02:39,368 --> 00:02:40,578

What's a Hitler?

- You know!

00:02:40,703 --> 00:02:42,538

When somebody's sleeping,

you put your finger up your butt

00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:43,831

and wipe it on their upper lip

00:02:43,956 --> 00:02:45,541

to give them

a little Hitler mustache.

00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:46,876

You've never Hitlered anyone?

00:02:47,001 --> 00:02:48,085

No, I never have.

00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:49,128

Shh! Shh!

Here he comes.

00:02:49,253 --> 00:02:51,964

Good morning, fellas!

All set to go skiing?

00:02:52,089 --> 00:02:53,465

[ Laughs ]

00:02:53,591 --> 00:02:56,302

[ Chuckles nervously ]

Uh, what's so funny?

00:02:56,427 --> 00:02:58,387

Nothing, Butters.

Right, guys?

00:02:58,512 --> 00:02:59,805

Well, we can't wait to show you

00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:01,807

what Aspen Time-Share

is offering investors.

00:03:01,932 --> 00:03:03,267

Shall we do

our 30-minute meeting?

00:03:03,392 --> 00:03:05,227

Oh.

Do we have to do it right now?

00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:07,479

Well, best to do it

and get it out of the way.

00:03:07,605 --> 00:03:08,189

Okay.

00:03:08,314 --> 00:03:11,108

Boys, we have to go

to this time-share presentation real quick,

00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:13,652

but you go meet your ski

instructor on the bunny hill.

00:03:13,777 --> 00:03:14,653

[All]

Okay.

00:03:14,778 --> 00:03:17,072

We'll meet you boys

on the slopes.

00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:19,158

Hey, do you guys smell that?

- Smell what?

00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:21,535

Uh, it kind of smells stinky

in this condo.

00:03:21,660 --> 00:03:22,620

[ Chuckling ]

00:03:22,745 --> 00:03:24,914

I don't smell anything.

Do you guys?

00:03:25,039 --> 00:03:26,624

[ Laughs ]

00:03:26,749 --> 00:03:29,752

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

00:03:35,299 --> 00:03:37,760

Do you guys smell that?

It smells bad out here, too.

00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:40,012

I'm starting to think this

whole town smells like doo-doo.

00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:42,890

Yeah. Well, you see,

that's why they call it Ass-pen.

00:03:43,015 --> 00:03:44,725

[ Laughs ]

00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:46,685

All right, little dudes.

Great to see you out here.

00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:47,686

My name is Thumper,

00:03:47,811 --> 00:03:49,730

and I'm gonna be

your cool ski instructor.

00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:50,814

His name is Thumper?

00:03:50,940 --> 00:03:52,274

We're gonna take it slow,

take it easy,

00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,360

make sure everybody has

a good time.

00:03:54,485 --> 00:03:58,489

'Cause what is skiing about?

Having a good...

00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:01,408

...time.

That's right.

00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:03,494

Now, just a few safety things

to keep in mind.

00:04:03,619 --> 00:04:05,371

First of all, look

straight ahead when you ski.

00:04:05,496 --> 00:04:06,789

If you look down,

you're gonna fall.

00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:08,249

You're gonna have a bad time.

00:04:08,374 --> 00:04:09,875

Also, be aware of skiers

around you.

00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,253

If you run into another skier,

your skis are gonna cross --

00:04:12,378 --> 00:04:13,754

gonna have a bad time.

00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:15,756

So where's the part

where we have a good time?

00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:17,883

Hey, little dude,

you got some crap right here.

00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:19,593

That's my face, sir.

00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:21,387

We're gonna do this

without any poles

00:04:21,512 --> 00:04:24,348

until we know

our two primary feet positions.

00:04:24,473 --> 00:04:27,518

To go slow,

we wedge our skis together

00:04:27,643 --> 00:04:30,104

in the shape

of a slice of pizza.

00:04:30,229 --> 00:04:33,232

Then to go faster,

we put them parallel like...

00:04:33,357 --> 00:04:34,233

french fries.

00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:35,192

You see that?

00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:37,695

Pizza...french fries...

00:04:37,820 --> 00:04:39,613

Pizza...french fries.

00:04:39,738 --> 00:04:42,199

Hey, this is gonna be

just like eating at Shakey's,

00:04:42,324 --> 00:04:43,117

huh, fellas?

00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:45,160

Let's have the little dude

on the end try it first.

00:04:45,286 --> 00:04:47,997

- What's your name?

- I-I-Ike!

00:04:48,122 --> 00:04:49,873

Okay, Mike.

Ski down to me.

00:04:51,417 --> 00:04:52,793

Go on, Ike.

00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:54,795

Pizza.

00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,630

French fries.

00:04:56,755 --> 00:04:59,425

Pizza.

French fries.

00:04:59,550 --> 00:05:01,343

French fri-i-i-es!

00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,388

Pizza-a-a-a!

00:05:06,181 --> 00:05:07,141

Okay.

You see what he did?

00:05:07,266 --> 00:05:09,143

He french-fried

when he should have pizzaed.

00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:12,104

You french-fry when you pizza,

you're gonna have a bad time.

00:05:14,189 --> 00:05:16,233

PHIL: And so we think

we can convince you

00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:17,526

to buy one of our condos

00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,653

that's opening right here

in Phase IV.

00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:22,323

That sounds like

a great investment opportunity.

00:05:22,448 --> 00:05:24,074

I'm sorry, but none of us

can really afford

00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:25,951

to own our own vacation condo.

00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:27,661

To be honest,

we're just doing this meeting

00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:29,538

because of the two-nights-free

deal.

00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,248

Oh, I know.

That's what everybody says.

00:05:31,373 --> 00:05:32,666

"Not me.

I can't afford it."

00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:35,044

But what if I told you could own

one of our properties

00:05:35,169 --> 00:05:36,628

for only $8,000?

00:05:36,754 --> 00:05:37,671

Wow!

00:05:37,796 --> 00:05:40,007

For $8,000 we can buy a condo

here?

00:05:40,132 --> 00:05:42,343

You see, time-share means

you buy the condo

00:05:42,468 --> 00:05:44,636

with about 20 other people

like yourselves.

00:05:44,762 --> 00:05:46,930

You share the condo

with other investors

00:05:47,056 --> 00:05:49,058

and pick the time

you want to stay.

00:05:49,183 --> 00:05:51,894

"Share," "time" --

time-share!

00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:53,937

So then it's not really ours.

00:05:54,063 --> 00:05:56,440

Sure it is --

1/24th and a half yours.

00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:58,108

You see, time-share

has made it possible

00:05:58,233 --> 00:05:59,860

for even working-class people

like you

00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:02,571

to say, "I've got

a little place in Aspen."

00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,490

Try it.

Try saying it.

00:06:04,615 --> 00:06:06,241

"I've got a little place

in Aspen."

00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:08,327

[All ] I've got a little place

in Aspen.

00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:10,162

Rolls off the tongue nicely,

doesn't it?

00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:12,831

Say, guys, how you'd like

to tell that hot secretary,

00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:14,792

"I've got a nice little place

in Aspen"?

00:06:14,917 --> 00:06:16,877

[ Laughs ]

Just kidding, wives.

00:06:17,002 --> 00:06:18,754

Listen.

Uh, it's been 30 minutes.

00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:20,631

We'd like to go hit the slopes

now.

00:06:20,756 --> 00:06:22,466

You've still got to come

to the time-share luncheon.

00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:24,635

We did give you

a free condo for the weekend.

00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:27,179

Your ad said we only had to

attend a 30-minute meeting.

00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:28,722

Right, but this isn't

that meeting.

00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:30,057

The luncheon is that meeting.

00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:31,058

Don't worry.

00:06:31,183 --> 00:06:33,644

You're gonna have a great

free meal at the luncheon.

00:06:35,646 --> 00:06:37,606

French fries.

Pizza.

00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:38,649

French fries.

00:06:38,774 --> 00:06:39,942

Come on, Cartman!

00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:41,777

[ Grunts ]

No more.

00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:46,115

Looks like you think you're

a pretty good skier, huh, kid?

00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:47,783

I'm catching on pretty fast,

I guess.

00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,410

I've been skiing for 22 years.

00:06:49,535 --> 00:06:51,036

Think you can beat me?

00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:52,204

Uh, no.

00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:53,664

What's your name, hotshot?

00:06:53,789 --> 00:06:54,665

Stan Marsh.

00:06:54,790 --> 00:06:56,500

Stan Marsh?

[ Chuckles ]

00:06:56,625 --> 00:06:59,128

Stan Darsh is more like it.

[ Laughs ]

00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:00,671

[ Laughs ]

Darsh.

00:07:00,796 --> 00:07:02,214

All right.

How about a race, then?

00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:03,632

You and me.

00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:04,758

Dude, I'm just learning.

00:07:04,883 --> 00:07:08,345

Ooh!

[ Imitates chicken clucking ]

00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:12,182

Looks to me like you're not

such a hotshot after all.

00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:13,308

I never said I was.

00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:14,268

Ooh!

00:07:14,393 --> 00:07:15,936

Ooh.

- Ooh.

00:07:16,061 --> 00:07:17,438

You may think you got

what it takes,

00:07:17,563 --> 00:07:20,399

but as long as I'm around,

you'll always be number two.

00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:22,693

See you later, Darsh.

00:07:22,818 --> 00:07:24,903

[ Laughs ]

00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:33,078

And that is why owning

a piece of an Aspen condo

00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:34,246

is not only possible...

00:07:34,371 --> 00:07:35,789

It's downright smart.

00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:36,582

Uh-huh.

00:07:36,707 --> 00:07:40,294

Oh, here it is, as promised --

a fabulous free lunch.

00:07:40,419 --> 00:07:42,379

Wow.

Filet mignon and lobster.

00:07:42,504 --> 00:07:43,839

Not bad.

00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,966

It's nice to feel rich,

isn't it?

00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:47,843

Oh, you know,

this is really great.

00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,012

It sure is.

00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:54,016

- What?

- Wait.

00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:56,477

You see, that's the great thing

about time-share --

00:07:56,602 --> 00:07:58,937

You get a little taste

of luxuries you can't afford.

00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:01,315

And then share it with

the people that come tomorrow.

00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:03,650

All right. We've been here

for over three hours.

00:08:03,775 --> 00:08:05,652

Yeah.

Can we go now, please?

00:08:05,777 --> 00:08:07,529

Of course you can.

Go hit those slopes.

00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:08,989

If you could,

please show me the backs

00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:11,575

of your table place cards

real quick.

00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:14,536

Oh, my God!

You got the red sticker!

00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:16,705

They got the red sticker?

- They got the red sticker!

00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:17,915

What's the red sticker?

00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:20,501

Well, that means if you come up

to the condo sales office,

00:08:20,626 --> 00:08:22,544

you'll receive one

of three great prizes.

00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:23,587

No, no, no, no, no.

00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:25,214

We did your meeting

and we did your lunch.

00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:26,423

We're finished, okay?

00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:29,426

Okay. Okay. Fine. I mean,

it would only take a second.

00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:31,178

But, I mean,

what did we do for you

00:08:31,303 --> 00:08:33,764

except give you a free condo

for the weekend?

00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:35,641

Seems like you could just

at least come up

00:08:35,766 --> 00:08:37,309

and see what prize you got.

00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:40,145

[ Sobbing while Down-Tempo Music Plays ]

00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:42,606

Oh, all right!

00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:47,361

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:50,072

Pizza.

- French fries.

00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:51,114

French fries.

- Pizza.

00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:53,242

French fries. Pizza.

- Pizza to French fries.

00:08:53,909 --> 00:08:55,244

[ Grunts ]

00:08:55,369 --> 00:08:56,662

[ Birds chirping ]

00:08:56,787 --> 00:08:58,205

I wonder where our parents are.

00:08:58,330 --> 00:09:00,290

Who cares?

I'm having more fun on my own.

00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:03,877

Well, well, well.

If it isn't Stan Darsh.

00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:04,795

Oh, no.

00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:07,297

Say, Darsh, you don't mind

if I take Heather out

00:09:07,422 --> 00:09:08,966

for some fondue tonight, do you?

00:09:09,091 --> 00:09:10,217

Heather?

00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:13,262

Sorry, Stan, it's just

that when it comes to skiing,

00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:14,930

Tad has all the right moves.

00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,598

I just might show her

my moves tonight,

00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,058

if you know what I mean.

00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:19,309

You aren't mad, are you, Stan?

00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:22,646

I mean, a girl's got to look out

for her best interests.

00:09:23,272 --> 00:09:25,065

Who are you people?

00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:26,650

Still don't want to race me?

00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:28,610

I told you he was chicken,

Heather.

00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:31,947

Stan Marsh the Darsh.

[ Laughs ]

00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:32,906

All right, dude.

00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:34,324

If I race you,

will you leave me alone?

00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:36,326

Oooh!

- Ooh!

00:09:36,451 --> 00:09:37,536

All right.

Fine.

00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:40,163

You and me at the summit.

Now.

00:09:40,289 --> 00:09:41,331

Okay.

00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:43,375

Race! Race!

- Race! Race!

00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:45,168

[Announcer ]

Ladies and gentlemen,

00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:48,922

Aspen Mountain presents

another extreme racing showdown.

00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:52,092

Seven-time world Aspen champion

Tad Mikowski

00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:55,220

versus eight-year-old

Stan Marsh!

00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:58,974

Ha!

You're going down, little boy.

00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,392

Yeah, probably.

00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:02,394

Do you think Stan has a chance?

00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:04,313

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:06,523

[ Buzzer sounds ]

00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:09,568

Uh, go, Stan!

00:10:09,693 --> 00:10:11,570

[ Music continues ]

00:10:11,695 --> 00:10:14,031

[ Crowd cheering ]

00:10:14,156 --> 00:10:15,782

French fries.

Pizza.

00:10:15,907 --> 00:10:18,076

French fries.

Pizza.

00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:20,120

He's got him!

Tad's gonna win it!

00:10:20,245 --> 00:10:22,414

[ Music continues ]

00:10:22,539 --> 00:10:24,625

[ Crowd cheering ]

00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:30,297

Yeah! Yeaahh!

00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:31,965

[ Crowd cheering ]

00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:35,135

Yeah!

You lose, Darsh!

00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:36,303

Oh!

00:10:36,428 --> 00:10:39,806

[ Crowd cheering in distance ]

00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:40,766

Yeah!

00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:43,602

Uh, Stan, y-you gave it

your best shot,

00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:45,103

and that's all Jesus asks

of you.

00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:47,397

Dude, I'm just happy this

whole stupid thing is over with.

00:10:47,522 --> 00:10:48,690

[ Crowd cheering ]

00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,942

No hard feelings, right, Darsh?

00:10:51,068 --> 00:10:52,944

[ Laughs ]

00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:54,738

Yeah!

00:10:56,448 --> 00:11:00,619

Stan, for whatever it's worth,

I think you were really brave.

00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:01,787

Thanks.

Who are you?

00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:03,121

Hey, all the cool teens

00:11:03,246 --> 00:11:05,499

are gonna be at the youth center

tonight for a dance.

00:11:05,624 --> 00:11:07,709

I hope you'll come,

because you're just so --

00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:10,379

Well, you're just so --

Well, that's all!

00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:13,757

Finally, we get to go skiing.

00:11:13,882 --> 00:11:16,301

Oh, my God. Look how long

the lift lines are.

00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:19,012

Yeah. I guess these passes

the time-share salesmen gave us

00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:20,222

will come in handy.

00:11:21,807 --> 00:11:22,933

Can I help you?

- Yes.

00:11:23,058 --> 00:11:24,309

We have the special passes

00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:27,104

to use the exclusive lift

from the time-share company.

00:11:27,229 --> 00:11:28,772

Oh!

Go right on ahead, folks.

00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:30,482

Thank you.

00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,860

Well, this certainly is nice.

00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:35,529

Yeah, we may not have gotten to ski

earlier,

00:11:35,654 --> 00:11:38,073

but with this lift, we'll get

more runs in than anybody.

00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,909

Have fun waiting in line,

suckers!

00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:42,285

Whoo-hoo!

- Oh, Chris.

00:11:42,411 --> 00:11:44,079

[ Chuckles softly ]

00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,540

Hey, look. This chair lift

goes right into a building.

00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:49,084

[All gasp ]

00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:50,168

Welcome back, folks.

00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:53,213

We've got a special new offer

we can't wait to tell you about.

00:11:53,338 --> 00:11:54,798

Oh, God damn it!

00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:57,259

Dude, it's been 12 hours.

00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,052

Where the hell are our parents?

00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:02,013

[ Men Without Hats'

"Safety Dance" playing ]

00:12:02,139 --> 00:12:04,683

I'm glad you guys came.

Do you like our youth center?

00:12:04,808 --> 00:12:06,184

Seems fine.

00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:08,186

Yeah.

Too bad we're getting shut down.

00:12:08,311 --> 00:12:11,898

That hotshot skier Tad's father

is gonna bulldoze the building.

00:12:12,023 --> 00:12:13,734

Where are all us kids

supposed to go?

00:12:13,859 --> 00:12:15,402

Don't care.

♪ F-F-F-F ♪

00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:17,654

♪ E-E-E-E, T-T-T-T, Y-Y-Y-Y ♪

00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:19,531

What do you want to do now?

- I don't know.

00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:21,491

♪ Safety dance ♪

Let's dance.

00:12:21,616 --> 00:12:23,785

[ Music continues ]

00:12:27,164 --> 00:12:29,416

Butters, I hate you

with every inch of my body.

00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:32,252

All right, Aspen,

as a special treat tonight,

00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:35,255

we're proud to have the winner

of today's race, Tad Mikowski!

00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:37,758

[ Cheers and applause ]

00:12:37,883 --> 00:12:39,551

Oh, God.

Hey, everyone.

00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:42,220

I'd like to sing a little song

if I may.

00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:43,346

- Ooh!

- Ahh!

00:12:43,472 --> 00:12:44,806

Let's go, you guys.

00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:48,685

This is a song I wrote

about Stan Marsh.

00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:50,645

♪ Sta-a-a-n ♪

00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:51,980

♪ Darsh ♪

[ Off-key chords playing ]

00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:55,692

♪ Stan Darsh, Darsh, Darsh ♪

00:12:55,817 --> 00:12:58,695

♪ Stan Darsh ♪

00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:01,323

♪ Stan Darsh, Stan Darsh ♪

00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:04,701

♪ Stan Da-a-a-rsh, Darsh ♪

00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:06,411

♪ Stan Darsh ♪

00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:08,413

Dude, what the hell

is your problem?

00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:10,582

Ooh!

- Ooh!

00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:13,210

I raced you.

You won.

00:13:13,335 --> 00:13:14,419

A rematch?

00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:17,839

Oh, Darsh, you're even dumber

than I thought.

00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,800

He'll ski you anytime, anywhere.

00:13:19,925 --> 00:13:20,842

Yeah!

- Yeah!

00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,385

But this time, if he wins,

00:13:22,511 --> 00:13:24,721

you get your dad to not close

our youth center.

00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:25,555

What?

00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,724

All right, then.

Let's make it interesting.

00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:31,353

Tomorrow afternoon...

on the K-13.

00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:34,147

[ Thunder crashes,

dramatic music plays ]

00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:35,565

The K-13?

00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:39,236

But that's the most dangerous

run in all of America.

00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,321

Well, I'm not chicken.

00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:43,698

Are you, Darsh?

00:13:43,824 --> 00:13:45,158

[ Imitates chicken clucking ]

00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:46,576

I'll be there, you queen.

00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:47,994

Oh, yeah?

- Yeah!

00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:52,541

Oh, Darsh, you're even dumber

than I thought...again.

00:13:52,666 --> 00:13:54,960

See ya tomorrow.

00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:56,628

[ Insects chirping ]

00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:59,756

You're not really gonna go down

that K-13 run, are you, Stan?

00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:00,882

Dude, I have to.

00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:02,884

Stan, you can't let that Tad guy

get to you.

00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:03,969

Screw him, dude.

00:14:04,094 --> 00:14:05,637

Dude, he's got Heather!

00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:07,097

You don't even know Heather!

00:14:07,222 --> 00:14:08,557

I know, I know!

I just...

00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:10,350

Look, I can't explain it,

but I have to do this.

00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:13,061

I'm not gonna die.

I mean, how bad can the K-13 be?

00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:14,104

The K-13?

00:14:14,229 --> 00:14:15,814

You don't want to go down

that run.

00:14:15,939 --> 00:14:17,482

That run's got a history.

00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:19,484

Thirty-five people have died

going down it,

00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:21,862

and some say you can still see

their ghosts up there.

00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:23,071

It was on that very ski run

00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,906

that a group of students

were killed by a wolf boy

00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:26,616

who escaped

from the mental institution.

00:14:26,741 --> 00:14:28,785

You see, that ski run

was once a burial ground

00:14:28,910 --> 00:14:30,620

to a tribe

of vampire Wichika Indians

00:14:30,745 --> 00:14:32,664

who ate the flesh of children

with no eyes.

00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:35,876

Yeah. A lot of history

on that ski run.

00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:39,254

Thank you.

- Yeah.

00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:40,297

Look, Stan.

00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:42,173

When Kenny died, I learned

how important friends are.

00:14:42,299 --> 00:14:43,717

I'm not gonna lose

another friend.

00:14:43,842 --> 00:14:44,801

This isn't about you, Kyle.

00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:47,512

I have to do this, okay?

I have to!

00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,603

So you see,

it's the investment opportunity

00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:55,812

that keeps on giving.

00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:57,564

How many times

do we have to tell you this?

00:14:57,689 --> 00:15:00,400

We don't want to buy shares

in a condo.

00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:02,360

And we certainly

don't want to pressure you.

00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:03,361

Pressure us?

00:15:03,486 --> 00:15:04,529

You kept us all day yesterday

00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:06,239

and then had a chair lift

bring us back.

00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:07,866

Hey, you can leave

any time you want.

00:15:07,991 --> 00:15:10,327

Of course, that is if you don't

want the super-secret fun prize

00:15:10,452 --> 00:15:11,494

for attending the slide show.

00:15:11,620 --> 00:15:13,788

No, we don't want

the super-secret fun prize.

00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:14,915

We just want to ski!

00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:16,708

- Come on, everybody.

- I know!

00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:18,835

Have you ever considered

going in on a time-share?

00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,712

That's only a couple thousand

each, Josh.

00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:22,964

Don't listen to him.

Let's just go.

00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:24,925

My God, can you believe

those people?

00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:26,801

I hope you don't blame me

for all that.

00:15:26,927 --> 00:15:29,346

The ad did just say

a 30-minute presentation.

00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:31,181

Let's just get out of here.

00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:33,683

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:35,894

Folks, I'm glad you're back,

because we forgot to mention

00:15:36,019 --> 00:15:38,229

time-share condos

are still deeded properties!

00:15:38,355 --> 00:15:39,856

[All ]

Aah!

00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:43,860

Ooh! You folks really lucked out

this time.

00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:45,695

You're visitors number 1,000.

00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:47,906

That means you can listen

to our special offer

00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:49,532

for privileged members only.

00:15:49,658 --> 00:15:51,701

That does it.

I'm calling the police.

00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:58,291

Mister ski instructor,

I need a lot of training fast.

00:15:58,416 --> 00:15:59,960

I'm gonna race down the K-13.

00:16:00,085 --> 00:16:02,212

The K-13?

But you're just a beginner.

00:16:02,337 --> 00:16:05,131

If you ski out of your league,

you're gonna have a bad time.

00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:07,258

I have to do this, okay?

I have to.

00:16:07,384 --> 00:16:09,803

Alright, well, if you got to get good

at something really fast,

00:16:09,928 --> 00:16:11,262

there's only one way to do it.

00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:12,222

Come on!

00:16:12,347 --> 00:16:15,600

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

00:16:19,771 --> 00:16:22,565

♪ The day is approaching

to give it your best ♪

00:16:22,691 --> 00:16:26,111

♪ And you've got to reach

your prime ♪

00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:29,280

♪ That's when you need to put

yourself to the test ♪

00:16:29,406 --> 00:16:31,783

♪ And show us a passage

of time ♪

00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:33,868

♪ We're gonna need a montage ♪

00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:37,330

♪ A sports-training montage ♪

00:16:37,455 --> 00:16:38,748

♪ Montage ♪

00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:41,209

♪ Show a lot of things

happening at once ♪

00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:44,587

♪ Remind everyone

of what's going on ♪

00:16:44,713 --> 00:16:48,258

♪ And with every shot,

show a little improvement ♪

00:16:48,383 --> 00:16:50,677

♪ To show it all would take

too long ♪

00:16:50,802 --> 00:16:52,971

♪ That's called a montage ♪

00:16:53,096 --> 00:16:56,307

♪ Even "Rocky" had a montage ♪

00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:57,642

♪ Montage ♪

00:16:57,767 --> 00:17:00,812

♪ In any sport

if you want to go ♪

00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:03,606

♪ From just a beginner

to a pro ♪

00:17:03,732 --> 00:17:05,692

♪ You need a montage ♪

00:17:05,817 --> 00:17:08,820

♪ A simple little montage ♪

00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:10,447

♪ Montage ♪

00:17:10,572 --> 00:17:14,993

♪ Always fade out in a montage ♪

00:17:15,118 --> 00:17:16,161

♪ Montage ♪

[ Music fades ]

00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:19,873

♪ If you fade out, it seems like

more time has passed ♪

00:17:19,998 --> 00:17:23,001

♪ In a montage ♪

00:17:23,126 --> 00:17:24,711

♪ Montage ♪

00:17:24,836 --> 00:17:26,921

♪ Montage ♪

00:17:27,047 --> 00:17:28,840

[ Birds chirping ]

00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:30,550

All the ad said

was we had to attend

00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:32,010

a 30-minute meeting, right?

00:17:32,135 --> 00:17:33,636

And it's been a day and a half.

00:17:33,762 --> 00:17:36,431

These guys won't let us leave.

- That's not true, officers.

00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:38,141

We said they could leave

at any time.

00:17:38,266 --> 00:17:40,643

All right. Let me see

if I got this straight.

00:17:40,769 --> 00:17:42,896

You two gentlemen

are offering part-time

00:17:43,021 --> 00:17:45,732

limited liability ownership

in one of your fabulous condos

00:17:45,857 --> 00:17:48,151

for the one-time price

of $8,000?!

00:17:48,276 --> 00:17:49,152

That's right!

00:17:49,277 --> 00:17:51,404

Sounds to me like if anybody

should be arrested,

00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:54,240

it should be you people for

passing up such a great deal.

00:17:54,365 --> 00:17:56,951

That's right. You're practically

stealing condos at that price.

00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:58,495

Book 'em, Danno.

[ Laughs ]

00:17:58,620 --> 00:18:01,081

Oh, Jesus.

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:18:01,206 --> 00:18:02,791

No.

No!

00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:04,876

The police work for time-share,

too?

00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:06,836

The police, the mayor,

00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:09,255

the president

of the United States.

00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:12,759

Perhaps now you see

the severity of your situation.

00:18:12,884 --> 00:18:17,722

I think we shall all sit down

and listen to the presentation.

00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:19,641

[ Gun cocks ]

Sit!

00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:21,392

[ Music continues ]

00:18:21,518 --> 00:18:25,438

Now, you're probably

asking yourselves...

00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:28,024

can my time-share condo

turn into a profit?

00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:30,318

What kind of cash flow can

I realize from my investment?

00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:31,611

The answer might astonish you.

00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:33,446

For over 10 years,

investors have seen their...

00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:38,076

[Announcer] The powder is fresh,

and the stage is set

00:18:38,201 --> 00:18:41,579

for Tad versus Stan on the K-13.

00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:43,623

This time

you're not just gonna lose,

00:18:43,748 --> 00:18:45,333

you're gonna die.

00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,919

I can't lose another friend.

First Kenny and now Stan.

00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:49,963

All I'm gonna have left

are you two douches.

00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:52,590

Ready. Set. Go!

00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:54,717

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

Pizza.

00:18:54,843 --> 00:18:56,761

Pizza.

Pizza.

00:18:56,886 --> 00:18:58,346

Tad's got the lead.

00:18:58,471 --> 00:18:59,681

Come on, Stan!

00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:02,100

[ Music continues ]

00:19:04,894 --> 00:19:05,645

[ Chuckles ]

00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:07,814

This should slow down Darsh

a bit.

00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:14,237

[Announcer ] And it looks like Tad

is way out in front.

00:19:14,362 --> 00:19:17,699

[ Laughs ]

Now I'll win for sure!

00:19:18,283 --> 00:19:19,826

Oh, dude, I can't look.

00:19:21,911 --> 00:19:24,038

[ Music continues ]

00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:29,711

Let's see what some sand does

to your speed, Darsh.

00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:34,799

He doesn't stand a chance now.

00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:40,388

I'm gonna beat him!

00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:43,391

[Announcer ] The race is half over,

and Tad is still out in the lead.

00:19:46,436 --> 00:19:49,189

When Darsh skis by here,

I'll let all these hamsters go.

00:19:49,314 --> 00:19:51,107

That should distract him

just long enough

00:19:51,232 --> 00:19:53,234

for me to win the race!

00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:55,778

Oh, Tad.

00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:57,405

What are you doing up here?

00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:58,239

Oh, nothing.

00:19:58,364 --> 00:20:01,284

I just thought maybe I could

distract you with these.

00:20:01,409 --> 00:20:03,620

[ Groaning ]

00:20:03,745 --> 00:20:04,829

Whoa.

00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:08,208

[ Groaning ]

00:20:08,333 --> 00:20:09,334

[ Crowd cheering ]

00:20:09,459 --> 00:20:12,337

[ Simple Minds' "Don't You

(Forget About Me)" plays ]

00:20:12,462 --> 00:20:13,296

Good job, dude!

00:20:13,421 --> 00:20:14,297

Thanks.

00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:16,716

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:19,427

♪ Ooh, ooh, oh ♪

00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:20,803

You did it, Stan.

00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:25,475

Thanks a lot, Stan.

00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,894

Now we're gonna be able to keep

the youth center.

00:20:28,019 --> 00:20:29,604

[ Crowd cheering ]

00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:31,356

Well, that does it.

00:20:31,481 --> 00:20:33,608

Looks like the spirits

of the Wichika Indians

00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:35,401

can finally rest in peace.

00:20:35,526 --> 00:20:39,322

[ Ghostly voice ]

Thank you, Stan.

00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:43,451

Stan, I was wrong about you.

Would you like to go out again?

00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:44,494

Go ahead, Stan.

00:20:44,619 --> 00:20:46,871

She's everything

you ever wanted.

00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:48,873

There you are, boys.

00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:49,832

Mom, Dad!

00:20:49,958 --> 00:20:51,167

Where the hell

have you guys been?

00:20:51,292 --> 00:20:54,003

We got a little held up

at the time-share sales office.

00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:57,006

Yeah, but the good news is

we finally came to our senses

00:20:57,131 --> 00:20:58,758

and bought some shares

in a condo.

00:20:58,883 --> 00:21:01,844

So we all get to come to Aspen

for two weeks every year.

00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:03,179

[All ]

Aw!

00:21:03,304 --> 00:21:05,056

What's the matter?

Didn't you boys like skiing?

00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:05,765

No!

00:21:05,890 --> 00:21:08,434

We can't keep track of when you

pizza and when you french-fries

00:21:08,559 --> 00:21:10,520

and when the hotshot

asshole skier takes your girl,

00:21:10,645 --> 00:21:11,980

if you're supposed

to race him the first time,

00:21:12,105 --> 00:21:13,982

or train first to beat him on

the really difficult mountain

00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:16,192

so you can save the dorky-

but-hot girl's youth center.

00:21:16,317 --> 00:21:17,318

Skiing sucks!

00:21:17,443 --> 00:21:19,445

Yeah.

What a stupid sport.

00:21:19,570 --> 00:21:22,699

[A-ha's "Take On Me" plays ]

00:21:22,824 --> 00:21:24,617

I heard that you were

the one responsible

00:21:24,742 --> 00:21:26,452

for making Tad lose the race.

00:21:26,577 --> 00:21:27,412

Thanks.

00:21:27,537 --> 00:21:31,249

Yeah. Well, he really flipped

when he saw these.

00:21:32,750 --> 00:21:34,210

Quaid.

00:21:34,335 --> 00:21:36,879

Start the reactor.

00:21:37,005 --> 00:21:40,300

[ Music continues ]

00:21:40,425 --> 00:21:42,385

[ off-key ]

♪ Talking away ♪

00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:45,430

♪ I don't know what I'm to say ♪

00:21:45,555 --> 00:21:48,266

♪ I'll say it anyway ♪

00:21:48,391 --> 00:21:51,894

♪ Today's another day

to find you ♪

00:21:52,020 --> 00:21:54,105

♪ Shying away ♪

00:21:54,230 --> 00:21:57,358

♪ I'll be coming for your love,

okay ♪

00:21:57,483 --> 00:21:59,652

♪ Take on ♪