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Асспен
Asspen
Сезон: 06Серия: 02
Описание
Друзья с родителями проводят отпуск в Аспене. Стэна вызывают на состязания по слалому, а родителей не отпускают с рекламного семинара.
Субтитры
- 00:00:09,969 --> 00:00:11,971 Thanks for having us all over for dinner, Chris and Linda.
- 00:00:12,096 --> 00:00:13,639 Yes. It was fabulous.
- 00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:15,516 Oh, we're just really happy that your boys
- 00:00:15,641 --> 00:00:17,476 have become such good friends with our little Butters.
- 00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:19,895 Yeah! We figured that if our boys are gonna be great friends,
- 00:00:20,021 --> 00:00:21,814 we should all get to be friends, too.
- 00:00:21,939 --> 00:00:23,941 Friends by default.
- 00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:26,819 Our boys do seem to be spending a lot of time together lately.
- 00:00:26,944 --> 00:00:29,155 I think ever since their friend Kenny died,
- 00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:31,073 they've been looking for someone to fill the void.
- 00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:32,825 Well, our son is a perfect void-filler.
- 00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:34,910 It's nice that he finally has your sons
- 00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:36,495 to be his best buddies.
- 00:00:37,997 --> 00:00:39,373 Look, you guys. Butters is asleep.
- 00:00:39,498 --> 00:00:40,499 He's such a douchebag.
- 00:00:40,624 --> 00:00:41,959 Hey, have you guys ever seen this trick?
- 00:00:42,084 --> 00:00:44,837 When someone's sleeping, you can take a glass of warm water.
- 00:00:44,962 --> 00:00:47,256 And you put their hand in it.
- 00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:48,257 Yeah? And then what?
- 00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,634 And then you pee on 'em.
- 00:00:53,262 --> 00:00:55,264 No, dude, you're supposed to put their hand in warm water
- 00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:56,682 and it makes <i>them</i> pee.
- 00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:57,600 Oh, really?
- 00:00:57,725 --> 00:00:59,518 Oh, well.
- 00:00:59,643 --> 00:01:00,686 And we were thinking
- 00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:02,396 since they've all become such close friends
- 00:01:02,521 --> 00:01:04,815 how great it would be for us to all go together to Aspen
- 00:01:04,940 --> 00:01:06,067 for a ski weekend.
- 00:01:06,192 --> 00:01:08,903 Aspen? Uh, we can't really afford that.
- 00:01:09,028 --> 00:01:10,905 You see, Linda and I found this ad
- 00:01:11,030 --> 00:01:13,282 where you can get two nights free in a condo in Aspen
- 00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:15,576 if you attend a time-share presentation.
- 00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:16,911 They let you stay for free?
- 00:01:17,036 --> 00:01:19,163 Yes! And all we have to do is attend a 30-minute meeting.
- 00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:21,582 Well, that sounds like a good deal.
- 00:01:21,707 --> 00:01:23,501 Sounds good to me. Let's go this weekend.
- 00:01:23,626 --> 00:01:26,003 Oh, boy. Skiing in Aspen. I can't wait.
- 00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:30,049 Hey, boys, we're all going to Aspen for the weekend.
- 00:01:30,174 --> 00:01:31,175 All right!
- 00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:34,011 Wow! A ski trip with my new best buddies!
- 00:01:34,136 --> 00:01:36,931 Oh, I'm all sticky.
- 00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:40,851 Here we are, everyone.
- 00:02:11,841 --> 00:02:13,134 Oh, this is gonna be so much fun.
- 00:02:13,259 --> 00:02:15,261 I haven't skied in years.
- 00:02:15,386 --> 00:02:17,638 Where are Butters and Eric? - They're still asleep.
- 00:02:17,763 --> 00:02:20,391 Butters, Eric, come on! We got to get to the powder.
- 00:02:23,144 --> 00:02:25,896 Hello, folks! I'm Phil, and this is Josh.
- 00:02:26,021 --> 00:02:27,148 We're with the Aspen Time-Share Company.
- 00:02:27,273 --> 00:02:28,190 Hello!
- 00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:29,984 You folks enjoying the condo?
- 00:02:30,109 --> 00:02:31,360 It's lovely. Thank you.
- 00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:32,987 You guys, you guys.
- 00:02:33,112 --> 00:02:34,780 You're not gonna believe this. This is so funny.
- 00:02:34,905 --> 00:02:35,865 What?
- 00:02:35,990 --> 00:02:38,075 So, last night while Butters was asleep,
- 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:39,243 I gave him a Hitler.
- 00:02:39,368 --> 00:02:40,578 What's a Hitler? - You know!
- 00:02:40,703 --> 00:02:42,538 When somebody's sleeping, you put your finger up your butt
- 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:43,831 and wipe it on their upper lip
- 00:02:43,956 --> 00:02:45,541 to give them a little Hitler mustache.
- 00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:46,876 You've never Hitlered anyone?
- 00:02:47,001 --> 00:02:48,085 No, I never have.
- 00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:49,128 Shh! Shh! Here he comes.
- 00:02:49,253 --> 00:02:51,964 Good morning, fellas! All set to go skiing?
- 00:02:53,591 --> 00:02:56,302 Uh, what's so funny?
- 00:02:56,427 --> 00:02:58,387 Nothing, Butters. Right, guys?
- 00:02:58,512 --> 00:02:59,805 Well, we can't wait to show you
- 00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:01,807 what Aspen Time-Share is offering investors.
- 00:03:01,932 --> 00:03:03,267 Shall we do our 30-minute meeting?
- 00:03:03,392 --> 00:03:05,227 Oh. Do we have to do it right now?
- 00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:07,479 Well, best to do it and get it out of the way.
- 00:03:07,605 --> 00:03:08,189 Okay.
- 00:03:08,314 --> 00:03:11,108 Boys, we have to go to this time-share presentation real quick,
- 00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:13,652 but you go meet your ski instructor on the bunny hill.
- 00:03:13,777 --> 00:03:14,653 Okay.
- 00:03:14,778 --> 00:03:17,072 We'll meet you boys on the slopes.
- 00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:19,158 Hey, do you guys smell that? - Smell what?
- 00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:21,535 Uh, it kind of smells stinky in this condo.
- 00:03:22,745 --> 00:03:24,914 I don't smell anything. Do you guys?
- 00:03:35,299 --> 00:03:37,760 Do you guys smell that? It smells bad out here, too.
- 00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:40,012 I'm starting to think this whole town smells like doo-doo.
- 00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:42,890 Yeah. Well, you see, that's why they call it Ass-pen.
- 00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:46,685 All right, little dudes. Great to see you out here.
- 00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:47,686 My name is Thumper,
- 00:03:47,811 --> 00:03:49,730 and I'm gonna be your cool ski instructor.
- 00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:50,814 His name is Thumper?
- 00:03:50,940 --> 00:03:52,274 We're gonna take it slow, take it easy,
- 00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,360 make sure everybody has a good time.
- 00:03:54,485 --> 00:03:58,489 'Cause what is skiing about? Having a good...
- 00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:01,408 ...time. That's right.
- 00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:03,494 Now, just a few safety things to keep in mind.
- 00:04:03,619 --> 00:04:05,371 First of all, look straight ahead when you ski.
- 00:04:05,496 --> 00:04:06,789 If you look down, you're gonna fall.
- 00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:08,249 You're gonna have a bad time.
- 00:04:08,374 --> 00:04:09,875 Also, be aware of skiers around you.
- 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,253 If you run into another skier, your skis are gonna cross --
- 00:04:12,378 --> 00:04:13,754 gonna have a bad time.
- 00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:15,756 So where's the part where we have a good time?
- 00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:17,883 Hey, little dude, you got some crap right here.
- 00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:19,593 That's my face, sir.
- 00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:21,387 We're gonna do this without any poles
- 00:04:21,512 --> 00:04:24,348 until we know our two primary feet positions.
- 00:04:24,473 --> 00:04:27,518 To go slow, we wedge our skis together
- 00:04:27,643 --> 00:04:30,104 in the shape of a slice of pizza.
- 00:04:30,229 --> 00:04:33,232 Then to go faster, we put them parallel like...
- 00:04:33,357 --> 00:04:34,233 french fries.
- 00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:35,192 You see that?
- 00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:37,695 Pizza...french fries...
- 00:04:37,820 --> 00:04:39,613 Pizza...french fries.
- 00:04:39,738 --> 00:04:42,199 Hey, this is gonna be just like eating at Shakey's,
- 00:04:42,324 --> 00:04:43,117 huh, fellas?
- 00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:45,160 Let's have the little dude on the end try it first.
- 00:04:45,286 --> 00:04:47,997 - What's your name? - I-I-Ike!
- 00:04:48,122 --> 00:04:49,873 Okay, Mike. Ski down to me.
- 00:04:51,417 --> 00:04:52,793 Go on, Ike.
- 00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:54,795 Pizza.
- 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,630 French fries.
- 00:04:56,755 --> 00:04:59,425 Pizza. French fries.
- 00:04:59,550 --> 00:05:01,343 French fri-i-i-es!
- 00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,388 Pizza-a-a-a!
- 00:05:06,181 --> 00:05:07,141 Okay. You see what he did?
- 00:05:07,266 --> 00:05:09,143 He french-fried when he should have pizzaed.
- 00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:12,104 You french-fry when you pizza, you're gonna have a bad time.
- 00:05:14,189 --> 00:05:16,233 And so we think we can convince you
- 00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:17,526 to buy one of our condos
- 00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,653 that's opening right here in Phase IV.
- 00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:22,323 That sounds like a great investment opportunity.
- 00:05:22,448 --> 00:05:24,074 I'm sorry, but none of us can really afford
- 00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:25,951 to own our own vacation condo.
- 00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:27,661 To be honest, we're just doing this meeting
- 00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:29,538 because of the two-nights-free deal.
- 00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,248 Oh, I know. That's what everybody says.
- 00:05:31,373 --> 00:05:32,666 "Not me. I can't afford it."
- 00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:35,044 But what if I told you could own one of our properties
- 00:05:35,169 --> 00:05:36,628 for only $8,000?
- 00:05:36,754 --> 00:05:37,671 Wow!
- 00:05:37,796 --> 00:05:40,007 For $8,000 we can buy a condo here?
- 00:05:40,132 --> 00:05:42,343 You see, time-share means you buy the condo
- 00:05:42,468 --> 00:05:44,636 with about 20 other people like yourselves.
- 00:05:44,762 --> 00:05:46,930 You <i>share</i> the condo with other investors
- 00:05:47,056 --> 00:05:49,058 and pick the <i>time</i> you want to stay.
- 00:05:49,183 --> 00:05:51,894 "Share," "time" -- time-share!
- 00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:53,937 So then it's not really ours.
- 00:05:54,063 --> 00:05:56,440 Sure it is -- 1/24th and a half yours.
- 00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:58,108 You see, time-share has made it possible
- 00:05:58,233 --> 00:05:59,860 for even working-class people like you
- 00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:02,571 to say, "I've got a little place in Aspen."
- 00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,490 Try it. Try saying it.
- 00:06:04,615 --> 00:06:06,241 "I've got a little place in Aspen."
- 00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:08,327 I've got a little place in Aspen.
- 00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:10,162 Rolls off the tongue nicely, doesn't it?
- 00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:12,831 Say, guys, how you'd like to tell that hot secretary,
- 00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:14,792 "I've got a nice little place in Aspen"?
- 00:06:14,917 --> 00:06:16,877 Just kidding, wives.
- 00:06:17,002 --> 00:06:18,754 Listen. Uh, it's been 30 minutes.
- 00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:20,631 We'd like to go hit the slopes now.
- 00:06:20,756 --> 00:06:22,466 You've still got to come to the time-share luncheon.
- 00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:24,635 We <i>did</i> give you a free condo for the weekend.
- 00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:27,179 Your ad said we only had to attend a 30-minute meeting.
- 00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:28,722 Right, but this isn't that meeting.
- 00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:30,057 The luncheon is that meeting.
- 00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:31,058 Don't worry.
- 00:06:31,183 --> 00:06:33,644 You're gonna have a great free meal at the luncheon.
- 00:06:35,646 --> 00:06:37,606 French fries. Pizza.
- 00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:38,649 French fries.
- 00:06:38,774 --> 00:06:39,942 Come on, Cartman!
- 00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:41,777 No more.
- 00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:46,115 Looks like you think you're a pretty good skier, huh, kid?
- 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:47,783 I'm catching on pretty fast, I guess.
- 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,410 I've been skiing for 22 years.
- 00:06:49,535 --> 00:06:51,036 Think you can beat <i>me?</i>
- 00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:52,204 Uh, no.
- 00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:53,664 What's your name, hotshot?
- 00:06:53,789 --> 00:06:54,665 Stan Marsh.
- 00:06:54,790 --> 00:06:56,500 Stan Marsh?
- 00:06:56,625 --> 00:06:59,128 Stan <i>Darsh</i> is more like it.
- 00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:00,671 Darsh.
- 00:07:00,796 --> 00:07:02,214 All right. How about a race, then?
- 00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:03,632 You and me.
- 00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:04,758 Dude, I'm just learning.
- 00:07:04,883 --> 00:07:08,345 Ooh!
- 00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:12,182 Looks to me like you're not such a <i>hotshot</i> after all.
- 00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:13,308 I never said I was.
- 00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:14,268 Ooh!
- 00:07:14,393 --> 00:07:15,936 Ooh. - Ooh.
- 00:07:16,061 --> 00:07:17,438 You may think you got what it takes,
- 00:07:17,563 --> 00:07:20,399 but as long as I'm around, you'll always be number two.
- 00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:22,693 See you later, Darsh.
- 00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:33,078 And that is why owning a piece of an Aspen condo
- 00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:34,246 is not only possible...
- 00:07:34,371 --> 00:07:35,789 It's downright smart.
- 00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:36,582 Uh-huh.
- 00:07:36,707 --> 00:07:40,294 Oh, here it is, as promised -- a fabulous free lunch.
- 00:07:40,419 --> 00:07:42,379 Wow. Filet mignon and lobster.
- 00:07:42,504 --> 00:07:43,839 Not bad.
- 00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,966 It's nice to feel rich, isn't it?
- 00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:47,843 Oh, you know, this is really great.
- 00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,012 It sure is.
- 00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:54,016 - What? - Wait.
- 00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:56,477 You see, that's the great thing about time-share --
- 00:07:56,602 --> 00:07:58,937 You get a little taste of luxuries you can't afford.
- 00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:01,315 And then share it with the people that come tomorrow.
- 00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:03,650 All right. We've been here for over three hours.
- 00:08:03,775 --> 00:08:05,652 Yeah. Can we go now, please?
- 00:08:05,777 --> 00:08:07,529 Of course you can. Go hit those slopes.
- 00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:08,989 If you could, please show me the backs
- 00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:11,575 of your table place cards real quick.
- 00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:14,536 Oh, my God! You got the red sticker!
- 00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:16,705 They got the red sticker? - They got the red sticker!
- 00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:17,915 What's the red sticker?
- 00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:20,501 Well, that means if you come up to the condo sales office,
- 00:08:20,626 --> 00:08:22,544 you'll receive one of three great prizes.
- 00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:23,587 No, no, no, no, no.
- 00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:25,214 We did your meeting and we did your lunch.
- 00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:26,423 We're finished, okay?
- 00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:29,426 Okay. Okay. Fine. I mean, it would only take a second.
- 00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:31,178 But, I mean, what did we do for you
- 00:08:31,303 --> 00:08:33,764 except give you a free condo for the weekend?
- 00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:35,641 Seems like you could just at least come up
- 00:08:35,766 --> 00:08:37,309 and see what prize you got.
- 00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:42,606 Oh, all right!
- 00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:50,072 Pizza. - French fries.
- 00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:51,114 French fries. - Pizza.
- 00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:53,242 French fries. Pizza. - Pizza to French fries.
- 00:08:56,787 --> 00:08:58,205 I wonder where our parents are.
- 00:08:58,330 --> 00:09:00,290 Who cares? I'm having more fun on my own.
- 00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:03,877 Well, well, well. If it isn't Stan Darsh.
- 00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:04,795 Oh, no.
- 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:07,297 Say, Darsh, you don't mind if I take Heather out
- 00:09:07,422 --> 00:09:08,966 for some fondue tonight, do you?
- 00:09:09,091 --> 00:09:10,217 Heather?
- 00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:13,262 Sorry, Stan, it's just that when it comes to skiing,
- 00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:14,930 Tad has all the right moves.
- 00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,598 I just might show her my moves tonight,
- 00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,058 if you know what I mean.
- 00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:19,309 You aren't mad, are you, Stan?
- 00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:22,646 I mean, a girl's got to look out for her best interests.
- 00:09:23,272 --> 00:09:25,065 Who <i>are</i> you people?
- 00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:26,650 Still don't want to race me?
- 00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:28,610 I told you he was chicken, Heather.
- 00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:31,947 Stan Marsh the Darsh.
- 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:32,906 All right, dude.
- 00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:34,324 If I race you, will you leave me alone?
- 00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:36,326 Oooh! - Ooh!
- 00:09:36,451 --> 00:09:37,536 All right. Fine.
- 00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:40,163 You and me at the summit. Now.
- 00:09:40,289 --> 00:09:41,331 Okay.
- 00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:43,375 Race! Race! - Race! Race!
- 00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:45,168 Ladies and gentlemen,
- 00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:48,922 Aspen Mountain presents another extreme racing showdown.
- 00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:52,092 Seven-time world Aspen champion Tad Mikowski
- 00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:55,220 versus eight-year-old Stan Marsh!
- 00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:58,974 Ha! You're going down, little boy.
- 00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,392 Yeah, probably.
- 00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:02,394 Do you think Stan has a chance?
- 00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:09,568 Uh, go, Stan!
- 00:10:14,156 --> 00:10:15,782 French fries. Pizza.
- 00:10:15,907 --> 00:10:18,076 French fries. Pizza.
- 00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:20,120 He's got him! Tad's gonna win it!
- 00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:30,297 Yeah! Yeaahh!
- 00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:35,135 Yeah! You lose, Darsh!
- 00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:36,303 Oh!
- 00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:40,766 Yeah!
- 00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:43,602 Uh, Stan, y-you gave it your best shot,
- 00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:45,103 and that's all Jesus asks of you.
- 00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:47,397 Dude, I'm just happy this whole stupid thing is over with.
- 00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,942 No hard feelings, right, Darsh?
- 00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:54,738 Yeah!
- 00:10:56,448 --> 00:11:00,619 Stan, for whatever it's worth, I think you were really brave.
- 00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:01,787 Thanks. Who are you?
- 00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:03,121 Hey, all the cool teens
- 00:11:03,246 --> 00:11:05,499 are gonna be at the youth center tonight for a dance.
- 00:11:05,624 --> 00:11:07,709 I hope you'll come, because you're just so --
- 00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:10,379 Well, you're just so -- Well, that's all!
- 00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:13,757 Finally, we get to go skiing.
- 00:11:13,882 --> 00:11:16,301 Oh, my God. Look how long the lift lines are.
- 00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:19,012 Yeah. I guess these passes the time-share salesmen gave us
- 00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:20,222 <i>will</i> come in handy.
- 00:11:21,807 --> 00:11:22,933 Can I help you? - Yes.
- 00:11:23,058 --> 00:11:24,309 We have the special passes
- 00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:27,104 to use the exclusive lift from the time-share company.
- 00:11:27,229 --> 00:11:28,772 Oh! Go right on ahead, folks.
- 00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:30,482 Thank you.
- 00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,860 Well, this certainly is nice.
- 00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:35,529 Yeah, we may not have gotten to ski earlier,
- 00:11:35,654 --> 00:11:38,073 but with this lift, we'll get more runs in than anybody.
- 00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,909 Have fun waiting in line, suckers!
- 00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:42,285 Whoo-hoo! - Oh, Chris.
- 00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,540 Hey, look. This chair lift goes right into a building.
- 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:50,168 Welcome back, folks.
- 00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:53,213 We've got a special new offer we can't wait to tell you about.
- 00:11:53,338 --> 00:11:54,798 Oh, God damn it!
- 00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:57,259 Dude, it's been 12 hours.
- 00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,052 Where the hell are our parents?
- 00:12:02,139 --> 00:12:04,683 I'm glad you guys came. Do you like our youth center?
- 00:12:04,808 --> 00:12:06,184 Seems fine.
- 00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:08,186 Yeah. Too bad we're getting shut down.
- 00:12:08,311 --> 00:12:11,898 That hotshot skier Tad's father is gonna bulldoze the building.
- 00:12:12,023 --> 00:12:13,734 Where are all us kids supposed to go?
- 00:12:13,859 --> 00:12:15,402 Don't care. ♪ F-F-F-F ♪
- 00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:17,654 ♪ E-E-E-E, T-T-T-T, Y-Y-Y-Y ♪
- 00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:19,531 What do you want to do now? - I don't know.
- 00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:21,491 ♪ Safety dance ♪ Let's dance.
- 00:12:27,164 --> 00:12:29,416 Butters, I hate you with every inch of my body.
- 00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:32,252 All right, Aspen, as a special treat tonight,
- 00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:35,255 we're proud to have the winner of today's race, Tad Mikowski!
- 00:12:37,883 --> 00:12:39,551 Oh, God. Hey, everyone.
- 00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:42,220 I'd like to sing a little song if I may.
- 00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:43,346 - Ooh! - Ahh!
- 00:12:43,472 --> 00:12:44,806 Let's go, you guys.
- 00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:48,685 This is a song I wrote about Stan Marsh.
- 00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:50,645 ♪ Sta-a-a-n ♪
- 00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:51,980 ♪ Darsh ♪
- 00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:55,692 ♪ Stan Darsh, Darsh, Darsh ♪
- 00:12:55,817 --> 00:12:58,695 ♪ Stan Darsh ♪
- 00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:01,323 ♪ Stan Darsh, Stan Darsh ♪
- 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:04,701 ♪ Stan Da-a-a-rsh, Darsh ♪
- 00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:06,411 ♪ Stan Darsh ♪
- 00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:08,413 Dude, what the hell is your problem?
- 00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:10,582 Ooh! - Ooh!
- 00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:13,210 I raced you. You won.
- 00:13:13,335 --> 00:13:14,419 A rematch?
- 00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:17,839 Oh, Darsh, you're even dumber than I thought.
- 00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,800 He'll ski you anytime, anywhere.
- 00:13:19,925 --> 00:13:20,842 Yeah! - Yeah!
- 00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,385 But this time, if he wins,
- 00:13:22,511 --> 00:13:24,721 you get your dad to not close our youth center.
- 00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:25,555 What?
- 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,724 All right, then. Let's make it interesting.
- 00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:31,353 Tomorrow afternoon... on the K-13.
- 00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:35,565 The K-13?
- 00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:39,236 But that's the most dangerous run in all of America.
- 00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,321 Well, I'm not chicken.
- 00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:43,698 Are you, Darsh?
- 00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:46,576 I'll be there, you queen.
- 00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:47,994 Oh, yeah? - Yeah!
- 00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:52,541 Oh, Darsh, you're even dumber than I thought...again.
- 00:13:52,666 --> 00:13:54,960 See ya tomorrow.
- 00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:59,756 You're not really gonna go down that K-13 run, are you, Stan?
- 00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:00,882 Dude, I have to.
- 00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:02,884 Stan, you can't let that Tad guy get to you.
- 00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:03,969 Screw him, dude.
- 00:14:04,094 --> 00:14:05,637 Dude, he's got Heather!
- 00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:07,097 You don't even know Heather!
- 00:14:07,222 --> 00:14:08,557 I know, I know! I just...
- 00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:10,350 Look, I can't explain it, but I have to do this.
- 00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:13,061 I'm not gonna die. I mean, how bad can the K-13 be?
- 00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:14,104 The K-13?
- 00:14:14,229 --> 00:14:15,814 You don't want to go down that run.
- 00:14:15,939 --> 00:14:17,482 That run's got a history.
- 00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:19,484 Thirty-five people have died going down it,
- 00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:21,862 and some say you can still see their ghosts up there.
- 00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:23,071 It was on that very ski run
- 00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,906 that a group of students were killed by a wolf boy
- 00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:26,616 who escaped from the mental institution.
- 00:14:26,741 --> 00:14:28,785 You see, that ski run was once a burial ground
- 00:14:28,910 --> 00:14:30,620 to a tribe of vampire Wichika Indians
- 00:14:30,745 --> 00:14:32,664 who ate the flesh of children with no eyes.
- 00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:35,876 Yeah. A lot of history on that ski run.
- 00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:39,254 Thank you. - Yeah.
- 00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:40,297 Look, Stan.
- 00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:42,173 When Kenny died, I learned how important friends are.
- 00:14:42,299 --> 00:14:43,717 I'm not gonna lose another friend.
- 00:14:43,842 --> 00:14:44,801 This isn't about you, Kyle.
- 00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:47,512 I have to do this, okay? I have to!
- 00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,603 So you see, it's the investment opportunity
- 00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:55,812 that keeps on giving.
- 00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:57,564 How many times do we have to tell you this?
- 00:14:57,689 --> 00:15:00,400 We don't want to buy shares in a condo.
- 00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:02,360 And we certainly don't want to pressure you.
- 00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:03,361 Pressure us?
- 00:15:03,486 --> 00:15:04,529 You kept us all day yesterday
- 00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:06,239 and then had a chair lift bring us back.
- 00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:07,866 Hey, you can leave any time you want.
- 00:15:07,991 --> 00:15:10,327 Of course, that is if you don't want the super-secret fun prize
- 00:15:10,452 --> 00:15:11,494 for attending the slide show.
- 00:15:11,620 --> 00:15:13,788 No, we don't want the super-secret fun prize.
- 00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:14,915 We just want to ski!
- 00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:16,708 - Come on, everybody. - I know!
- 00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:18,835 Have you ever considered going in on a time-share?
- 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,712 That's only a couple thousand each, Josh.
- 00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:22,964 Don't listen to him. Let's just go.
- 00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:24,925 My God, can you believe those people?
- 00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:26,801 I hope you don't blame me for all that.
- 00:15:26,927 --> 00:15:29,346 The ad <i>did</i> just say a 30-minute presentation.
- 00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:31,181 Let's just get out of here.
- 00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:35,894 Folks, I'm glad you're back, because we forgot to mention
- 00:15:36,019 --> 00:15:38,229 time-share condos are still deeded properties!
- 00:15:38,355 --> 00:15:39,856 Aah!
- 00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:43,860 Ooh! You folks really lucked out this time.
- 00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:45,695 You're visitors number 1,000.
- 00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:47,906 That means you can listen to our special offer
- 00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:49,532 for privileged members only.
- 00:15:49,658 --> 00:15:51,701 That does it. I'm calling the police.
- 00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:58,291 Mister ski instructor, I need a lot of training fast.
- 00:15:58,416 --> 00:15:59,960 I'm gonna race down the K-13.
- 00:16:00,085 --> 00:16:02,212 The K-13? But you're just a beginner.
- 00:16:02,337 --> 00:16:05,131 If you ski out of your league, you're gonna have a bad time.
- 00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:07,258 I have to do this, okay? I have to.
- 00:16:07,384 --> 00:16:09,803 Alright, well, if you got to get good at something really fast,
- 00:16:09,928 --> 00:16:11,262 there's only one way to do it.
- 00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:12,222 Come on!
- 00:16:19,771 --> 00:16:22,565 ♪ The day is approaching to give it your best ♪
- 00:16:22,691 --> 00:16:26,111 ♪ And you've got to reach your prime ♪
- 00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:29,280 ♪ That's when you need to put yourself to the test ♪
- 00:16:29,406 --> 00:16:31,783 ♪ And show us a passage of time ♪
- 00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:33,868 ♪ We're gonna need a montage ♪
- 00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:37,330 ♪ A sports-training montage ♪
- 00:16:37,455 --> 00:16:38,748 ♪ Montage ♪
- 00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:41,209 ♪ Show a lot of things happening at once ♪
- 00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:44,587 ♪ Remind everyone of what's going on ♪
- 00:16:44,713 --> 00:16:48,258 ♪ And with every shot, show a little improvement ♪
- 00:16:48,383 --> 00:16:50,677 ♪ To show it all would take too long ♪
- 00:16:50,802 --> 00:16:52,971 ♪ That's called a montage ♪
- 00:16:53,096 --> 00:16:56,307 ♪ Even "Rocky" had a montage ♪
- 00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:57,642 ♪ Montage ♪
- 00:16:57,767 --> 00:17:00,812 ♪ In any sport if you want to go ♪
- 00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:03,606 ♪ From just a beginner to a pro ♪
- 00:17:03,732 --> 00:17:05,692 ♪ You need a montage ♪
- 00:17:05,817 --> 00:17:08,820 ♪ A simple little montage ♪
- 00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:10,447 ♪ Montage ♪
- 00:17:10,572 --> 00:17:14,993 ♪ Always fade out in a montage ♪
- 00:17:15,118 --> 00:17:16,161 ♪ Montage ♪
- 00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:19,873 ♪ If you fade out, it seems like more time has passed ♪
- 00:17:19,998 --> 00:17:23,001 ♪ In a montage ♪
- 00:17:23,126 --> 00:17:24,711 ♪ Montage ♪
- 00:17:24,836 --> 00:17:26,921 ♪ Montage ♪
- 00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:30,550 All the ad said was we had to attend
- 00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:32,010 a 30-minute meeting, right?
- 00:17:32,135 --> 00:17:33,636 And it's been a day and a half.
- 00:17:33,762 --> 00:17:36,431 These guys won't let us leave. - That's not true, officers.
- 00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:38,141 We said they could leave at any time.
- 00:17:38,266 --> 00:17:40,643 All right. Let me see if I got this straight.
- 00:17:40,769 --> 00:17:42,896 You two gentlemen are offering part-time
- 00:17:43,021 --> 00:17:45,732 limited liability ownership in one of your fabulous condos
- 00:17:45,857 --> 00:17:48,151 for the one-time price of $8,000?!
- 00:17:48,276 --> 00:17:49,152 That's right!
- 00:17:49,277 --> 00:17:51,404 Sounds to me like if anybody should be arrested,
- 00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:54,240 it should be you people for passing up such a great deal.
- 00:17:54,365 --> 00:17:56,951 That's right. You're practically stealing condos at that price.
- 00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:58,495 Book 'em, Danno.
- 00:17:58,620 --> 00:18:01,081 Oh, Jesus.
- 00:18:01,206 --> 00:18:02,791 No. No!
- 00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:04,876 The police work for time-share, too?
- 00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:06,836 The police, the mayor,
- 00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:09,255 the president of the United States.
- 00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:12,759 Perhaps now you see the severity of your situation.
- 00:18:12,884 --> 00:18:17,722 I think we shall all sit down and listen to the presentation.
- 00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:19,641 Sit!
- 00:18:21,518 --> 00:18:25,438 Now, you're probably asking yourselves...
- 00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:28,024 can my time-share condo turn into a profit?
- 00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:30,318 What kind of cash flow can I realize from my investment?
- 00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:31,611 The answer might astonish you.
- 00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:33,446 For over 10 years, investors have seen their...
- 00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:38,076 The powder is fresh, and the stage is set
- 00:18:38,201 --> 00:18:41,579 for Tad versus Stan on the K-13.
- 00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:43,623 This time you're not just gonna lose,
- 00:18:43,748 --> 00:18:45,333 you're gonna die.
- 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,919 I can't lose another friend. First Kenny and now Stan.
- 00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:49,963 All I'm gonna have left are you two douches.
- 00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:52,590 Ready. Set. Go!
- 00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:54,717 Pizza.
- 00:18:54,843 --> 00:18:56,761 Pizza. Pizza.
- 00:18:56,886 --> 00:18:58,346 Tad's got the lead.
- 00:18:58,471 --> 00:18:59,681 Come on, Stan!
- 00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:07,814 This should slow down Darsh a bit.
- 00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:14,237 And it looks like Tad is way out in front.
- 00:19:14,362 --> 00:19:17,699 Now I'll win for sure!
- 00:19:18,283 --> 00:19:19,826 Oh, dude, I can't look.
- 00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:29,711 Let's see what some sand does to your speed, Darsh.
- 00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:34,799 He doesn't stand a chance now.
- 00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:40,388 I'm gonna beat him!
- 00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:43,391 The race is half over, and Tad is still out in the lead.
- 00:19:46,436 --> 00:19:49,189 When Darsh skis by here, I'll let all these hamsters go.
- 00:19:49,314 --> 00:19:51,107 That should distract him just long enough
- 00:19:51,232 --> 00:19:53,234 for me to win the race!
- 00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:55,778 Oh, Tad.
- 00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:57,405 What are you doing up here?
- 00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:58,239 Oh, nothing.
- 00:19:58,364 --> 00:20:01,284 I just thought maybe I could distract you with these.
- 00:20:03,745 --> 00:20:04,829 Whoa.
- 00:20:12,462 --> 00:20:13,296 Good job, dude!
- 00:20:13,421 --> 00:20:14,297 Thanks.
- 00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:16,716 ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
- 00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:19,427 ♪ Ooh, ooh, oh ♪
- 00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:20,803 You did it, Stan.
- 00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:25,475 Thanks a lot, Stan.
- 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,894 Now we're gonna be able to keep the youth center.
- 00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:31,356 Well, that does it.
- 00:20:31,481 --> 00:20:33,608 Looks like the spirits of the Wichika Indians
- 00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:35,401 can finally rest in peace.
- 00:20:35,526 --> 00:20:39,322 Thank you, Stan.
- 00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:43,451 Stan, I was wrong about you. Would you like to go out again?
- 00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:44,494 Go ahead, Stan.
- 00:20:44,619 --> 00:20:46,871 She's everything you ever wanted.
- 00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:48,873 There you are, boys.
- 00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:49,832 Mom, Dad!
- 00:20:49,958 --> 00:20:51,167 Where the hell have you guys been?
- 00:20:51,292 --> 00:20:54,003 We got a little held up at the time-share sales office.
- 00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:57,006 Yeah, but the good news is we finally came to our senses
- 00:20:57,131 --> 00:20:58,758 and bought some shares in a condo.
- 00:20:58,883 --> 00:21:01,844 So we all get to come to Aspen for two weeks every year.
- 00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:03,179 Aw!
- 00:21:03,304 --> 00:21:05,056 What's the matter? Didn't you boys like skiing?
- 00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:05,765 No!
- 00:21:05,890 --> 00:21:08,434 We can't keep track of when you pizza and when you french-fries
- 00:21:08,559 --> 00:21:10,520 and when the hotshot asshole skier takes your girl,
- 00:21:10,645 --> 00:21:11,980 if you're supposed to race him the first time,
- 00:21:12,105 --> 00:21:13,982 or train first to beat him on the really difficult mountain
- 00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:16,192 so you can save the dorky- but-hot girl's youth center.
- 00:21:16,317 --> 00:21:17,318 Skiing sucks!
- 00:21:17,443 --> 00:21:19,445 Yeah. What a stupid sport.
- 00:21:22,824 --> 00:21:24,617 I heard that you were the one responsible
- 00:21:24,742 --> 00:21:26,452 for making Tad lose the race.
- 00:21:26,577 --> 00:21:27,412 Thanks.
- 00:21:27,537 --> 00:21:31,249 Yeah. Well, he really flipped when he saw these.
- 00:21:32,750 --> 00:21:34,210 Quaid.
- 00:21:34,335 --> 00:21:36,879 Start the reactor.
- 00:21:40,425 --> 00:21:42,385 ♪ Talking away ♪
- 00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:45,430 ♪ I don't know what I'm to say ♪
- 00:21:45,555 --> 00:21:48,266 ♪ I'll say it anyway ♪
- 00:21:48,391 --> 00:21:51,894 ♪ Today's another day to find you ♪
- 00:21:52,020 --> 00:21:54,105 ♪ Shying away ♪
- 00:21:54,230 --> 00:21:57,358 ♪ I'll be coming for your love, okay ♪
- 00:21:57,483 --> 00:21:59,652 ♪ Take on ♪
- 00:00:05,715 --> 00:00:07,758 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- 00:00:07,883 --> 00:00:09,844 [ Insects chirping ]
- 00:00:09,969 --> 00:00:11,971 Thanks for having us all over for dinner, Chris and Linda.
- 00:00:12,096 --> 00:00:13,639 Yes. It was fabulous.
- 00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:15,516 Oh, we're just really happy that your boys
- 00:00:15,641 --> 00:00:17,476 have become such good friends with our little Butters.
- 00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:19,895 Yeah! We figured that if our boys are gonna be great friends,
- 00:00:20,021 --> 00:00:21,814 we should all get to be friends, too.
- 00:00:21,939 --> 00:00:23,941 Friends by default. [ Laughs ]
- 00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:26,819 Our boys do seem to be spending a lot of time together lately.
- 00:00:26,944 --> 00:00:29,155 I think ever since their friend Kenny died,
- 00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:31,073 they've been looking for someone to fill the void.
- 00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:32,825 Well, our son is a perfect void-filler.
- 00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:34,910 It's nice that he finally has your sons
- 00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:36,495 to be his best buddies.
- 00:00:36,620 --> 00:00:37,872 [ Mid-tempo music playing ]
- 00:00:37,997 --> 00:00:39,373 Look, you guys. Butters is asleep.
- 00:00:39,498 --> 00:00:40,499 He's such a douchebag.
- 00:00:40,624 --> 00:00:41,959 Hey, have you guys ever seen this trick?
- 00:00:42,084 --> 00:00:44,837 When someone's sleeping, you can take a glass of warm water.
- 00:00:44,962 --> 00:00:47,256 And you put their hand in it.
- 00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:48,257 Yeah? And then what?
- 00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,634 And then you pee on 'em.
- 00:00:51,302 --> 00:00:53,137 [ Laughs ]
- 00:00:53,262 --> 00:00:55,264 No, dude, you're supposed to put their hand in warm water
- 00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:56,682 and it makes <i>them</i> pee.
- 00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:57,600 Oh, really?
- 00:00:57,725 --> 00:00:59,518 Oh, well. [ Chuckles ]
- 00:00:59,643 --> 00:01:00,686 And we were thinking
- 00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:02,396 since they've all become such close friends
- 00:01:02,521 --> 00:01:04,815 how great it would be for us to all go together to Aspen
- 00:01:04,940 --> 00:01:06,067 for a ski weekend.
- 00:01:06,192 --> 00:01:08,903 Aspen? Uh, we can't really afford that.
- 00:01:09,028 --> 00:01:10,905 You see, Linda and I found this ad
- 00:01:11,030 --> 00:01:13,282 where you can get two nights free in a condo in Aspen
- 00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:15,576 if you attend a time-share presentation.
- 00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:16,911 They let you stay for free?
- 00:01:17,036 --> 00:01:19,163 Yes! And all we have to do is attend a 30-minute meeting.
- 00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:21,582 Well, that sounds like a good deal.
- 00:01:21,707 --> 00:01:23,501 Sounds good to me. Let's go this weekend.
- 00:01:23,626 --> 00:01:26,003 Oh, boy. Skiing in Aspen. I can't wait.
- 00:01:26,128 --> 00:01:27,630 [A-ha's "Take On Me" plays ]
- 00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:30,049 Hey, boys, we're all going to Aspen for the weekend.
- 00:01:30,174 --> 00:01:31,175 [All ] All right!
- 00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:34,011 Wow! A ski trip with my new best buddies!
- 00:01:34,136 --> 00:01:36,931 Oh, I'm all sticky.
- 00:01:37,056 --> 00:01:38,641 [ Music continues ]
- 00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:40,851 BUTTERS' DAD: Here we are, everyone.
- 00:01:50,194 --> 00:01:52,738 [ Music continues ]
- 00:01:58,369 --> 00:01:59,745 [ Crowd cheering ]
- 00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:02,748 [ Music continues ]
- 00:02:11,841 --> 00:02:13,134 Oh, this is gonna be so much fun.
- 00:02:13,259 --> 00:02:15,261 I haven't skied in years.
- 00:02:15,386 --> 00:02:17,638 Where are Butters and Eric? - They're still asleep.
- 00:02:17,763 --> 00:02:20,391 Butters, Eric, come on! We got to get to the powder.
- 00:02:20,516 --> 00:02:22,226 [ Knock on door ]
- 00:02:23,144 --> 00:02:25,896 Hello, folks! I'm Phil, and this is Josh.
- 00:02:26,021 --> 00:02:27,148 We're with the Aspen Time-Share Company.
- 00:02:27,273 --> 00:02:28,190 [All] Hello!
- 00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:29,984 You folks enjoying the condo?
- 00:02:30,109 --> 00:02:31,360 It's lovely. Thank you.
- 00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:32,987 You guys, you guys.
- 00:02:33,112 --> 00:02:34,780 You're not gonna believe this. This is so funny.
- 00:02:34,905 --> 00:02:35,865 What?
- 00:02:35,990 --> 00:02:38,075 So, last night while Butters was asleep,
- 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:39,243 I gave him a Hitler.
- 00:02:39,368 --> 00:02:40,578 What's a Hitler? - You know!
- 00:02:40,703 --> 00:02:42,538 When somebody's sleeping, you put your finger up your butt
- 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:43,831 and wipe it on their upper lip
- 00:02:43,956 --> 00:02:45,541 to give them a little Hitler mustache.
- 00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:46,876 You've never Hitlered anyone?
- 00:02:47,001 --> 00:02:48,085 No, I never have.
- 00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:49,128 Shh! Shh! Here he comes.
- 00:02:49,253 --> 00:02:51,964 Good morning, fellas! All set to go skiing?
- 00:02:52,089 --> 00:02:53,465 [ Laughs ]
- 00:02:53,591 --> 00:02:56,302 [ Chuckles nervously ] Uh, what's so funny?
- 00:02:56,427 --> 00:02:58,387 Nothing, Butters. Right, guys?
- 00:02:58,512 --> 00:02:59,805 Well, we can't wait to show you
- 00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:01,807 what Aspen Time-Share is offering investors.
- 00:03:01,932 --> 00:03:03,267 Shall we do our 30-minute meeting?
- 00:03:03,392 --> 00:03:05,227 Oh. Do we have to do it right now?
- 00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:07,479 Well, best to do it and get it out of the way.
- 00:03:07,605 --> 00:03:08,189 Okay.
- 00:03:08,314 --> 00:03:11,108 Boys, we have to go to this time-share presentation real quick,
- 00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:13,652 but you go meet your ski instructor on the bunny hill.
- 00:03:13,777 --> 00:03:14,653 [All] Okay.
- 00:03:14,778 --> 00:03:17,072 We'll meet you boys on the slopes.
- 00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:19,158 Hey, do you guys smell that? - Smell what?
- 00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:21,535 Uh, it kind of smells stinky in this condo.
- 00:03:21,660 --> 00:03:22,620 [ Chuckling ]
- 00:03:22,745 --> 00:03:24,914 I don't smell anything. Do you guys?
- 00:03:25,039 --> 00:03:26,624 [ Laughs ]
- 00:03:26,749 --> 00:03:29,752 [ Up-tempo music plays ]
- 00:03:35,299 --> 00:03:37,760 Do you guys smell that? It smells bad out here, too.
- 00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:40,012 I'm starting to think this whole town smells like doo-doo.
- 00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:42,890 Yeah. Well, you see, that's why they call it Ass-pen.
- 00:03:43,015 --> 00:03:44,725 [ Laughs ]
- 00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:46,685 All right, little dudes. Great to see you out here.
- 00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:47,686 My name is Thumper,
- 00:03:47,811 --> 00:03:49,730 and I'm gonna be your cool ski instructor.
- 00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:50,814 His name is Thumper?
- 00:03:50,940 --> 00:03:52,274 We're gonna take it slow, take it easy,
- 00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,360 make sure everybody has a good time.
- 00:03:54,485 --> 00:03:58,489 'Cause what is skiing about? Having a good...
- 00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:01,408 ...time. That's right.
- 00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:03,494 Now, just a few safety things to keep in mind.
- 00:04:03,619 --> 00:04:05,371 First of all, look straight ahead when you ski.
- 00:04:05,496 --> 00:04:06,789 If you look down, you're gonna fall.
- 00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:08,249 You're gonna have a bad time.
- 00:04:08,374 --> 00:04:09,875 Also, be aware of skiers around you.
- 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,253 If you run into another skier, your skis are gonna cross --
- 00:04:12,378 --> 00:04:13,754 gonna have a bad time.
- 00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:15,756 So where's the part where we have a good time?
- 00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:17,883 Hey, little dude, you got some crap right here.
- 00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:19,593 That's my face, sir.
- 00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:21,387 We're gonna do this without any poles
- 00:04:21,512 --> 00:04:24,348 until we know our two primary feet positions.
- 00:04:24,473 --> 00:04:27,518 To go slow, we wedge our skis together
- 00:04:27,643 --> 00:04:30,104 in the shape of a slice of pizza.
- 00:04:30,229 --> 00:04:33,232 Then to go faster, we put them parallel like...
- 00:04:33,357 --> 00:04:34,233 french fries.
- 00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:35,192 You see that?
- 00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:37,695 Pizza...french fries...
- 00:04:37,820 --> 00:04:39,613 Pizza...french fries.
- 00:04:39,738 --> 00:04:42,199 Hey, this is gonna be just like eating at Shakey's,
- 00:04:42,324 --> 00:04:43,117 huh, fellas?
- 00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:45,160 Let's have the little dude on the end try it first.
- 00:04:45,286 --> 00:04:47,997 - What's your name? - I-I-Ike!
- 00:04:48,122 --> 00:04:49,873 Okay, Mike. Ski down to me.
- 00:04:51,417 --> 00:04:52,793 Go on, Ike.
- 00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:54,795 Pizza.
- 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,630 French fries.
- 00:04:56,755 --> 00:04:59,425 Pizza. French fries.
- 00:04:59,550 --> 00:05:01,343 French fri-i-i-es!
- 00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,388 Pizza-a-a-a!
- 00:05:06,181 --> 00:05:07,141 Okay. You see what he did?
- 00:05:07,266 --> 00:05:09,143 He french-fried when he should have pizzaed.
- 00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:12,104 You french-fry when you pizza, you're gonna have a bad time.
- 00:05:14,189 --> 00:05:16,233 PHIL: And so we think we can convince you
- 00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:17,526 to buy one of our condos
- 00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,653 that's opening right here in Phase IV.
- 00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:22,323 That sounds like a great investment opportunity.
- 00:05:22,448 --> 00:05:24,074 I'm sorry, but none of us can really afford
- 00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:25,951 to own our own vacation condo.
- 00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:27,661 To be honest, we're just doing this meeting
- 00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:29,538 because of the two-nights-free deal.
- 00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,248 Oh, I know. That's what everybody says.
- 00:05:31,373 --> 00:05:32,666 "Not me. I can't afford it."
- 00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:35,044 But what if I told you could own one of our properties
- 00:05:35,169 --> 00:05:36,628 for only $8,000?
- 00:05:36,754 --> 00:05:37,671 Wow!
- 00:05:37,796 --> 00:05:40,007 For $8,000 we can buy a condo here?
- 00:05:40,132 --> 00:05:42,343 You see, time-share means you buy the condo
- 00:05:42,468 --> 00:05:44,636 with about 20 other people like yourselves.
- 00:05:44,762 --> 00:05:46,930 You <i>share</i> the condo with other investors
- 00:05:47,056 --> 00:05:49,058 and pick the <i>time</i> you want to stay.
- 00:05:49,183 --> 00:05:51,894 "Share," "time" -- time-share!
- 00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:53,937 So then it's not really ours.
- 00:05:54,063 --> 00:05:56,440 Sure it is -- 1/24th and a half yours.
- 00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:58,108 You see, time-share has made it possible
- 00:05:58,233 --> 00:05:59,860 for even working-class people like you
- 00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:02,571 to say, "I've got a little place in Aspen."
- 00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,490 Try it. Try saying it.
- 00:06:04,615 --> 00:06:06,241 "I've got a little place in Aspen."
- 00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:08,327 [All ] I've got a little place in Aspen.
- 00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:10,162 Rolls off the tongue nicely, doesn't it?
- 00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:12,831 Say, guys, how you'd like to tell that hot secretary,
- 00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:14,792 "I've got a nice little place in Aspen"?
- 00:06:14,917 --> 00:06:16,877 [ Laughs ] Just kidding, wives.
- 00:06:17,002 --> 00:06:18,754 Listen. Uh, it's been 30 minutes.
- 00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:20,631 We'd like to go hit the slopes now.
- 00:06:20,756 --> 00:06:22,466 You've still got to come to the time-share luncheon.
- 00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:24,635 We <i>did</i> give you a free condo for the weekend.
- 00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:27,179 Your ad said we only had to attend a 30-minute meeting.
- 00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:28,722 Right, but this isn't that meeting.
- 00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:30,057 The luncheon is that meeting.
- 00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:31,058 Don't worry.
- 00:06:31,183 --> 00:06:33,644 You're gonna have a great free meal at the luncheon.
- 00:06:35,646 --> 00:06:37,606 French fries. Pizza.
- 00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:38,649 French fries.
- 00:06:38,774 --> 00:06:39,942 Come on, Cartman!
- 00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:41,777 [ Grunts ] No more.
- 00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:46,115 Looks like you think you're a pretty good skier, huh, kid?
- 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:47,783 I'm catching on pretty fast, I guess.
- 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,410 I've been skiing for 22 years.
- 00:06:49,535 --> 00:06:51,036 Think you can beat <i>me?</i>
- 00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:52,204 Uh, no.
- 00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:53,664 What's your name, hotshot?
- 00:06:53,789 --> 00:06:54,665 Stan Marsh.
- 00:06:54,790 --> 00:06:56,500 Stan Marsh? [ Chuckles ]
- 00:06:56,625 --> 00:06:59,128 Stan <i>Darsh</i> is more like it. [ Laughs ]
- 00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:00,671 [ Laughs ] Darsh.
- 00:07:00,796 --> 00:07:02,214 All right. How about a race, then?
- 00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:03,632 You and me.
- 00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:04,758 Dude, I'm just learning.
- 00:07:04,883 --> 00:07:08,345 Ooh! [ Imitates chicken clucking ]
- 00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:12,182 Looks to me like you're not such a <i>hotshot</i> after all.
- 00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:13,308 I never said I was.
- 00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:14,268 Ooh!
- 00:07:14,393 --> 00:07:15,936 Ooh. - Ooh.
- 00:07:16,061 --> 00:07:17,438 You may think you got what it takes,
- 00:07:17,563 --> 00:07:20,399 but as long as I'm around, you'll always be number two.
- 00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:22,693 See you later, Darsh.
- 00:07:22,818 --> 00:07:24,903 [ Laughs ]
- 00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:33,078 And that is why owning a piece of an Aspen condo
- 00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:34,246 is not only possible...
- 00:07:34,371 --> 00:07:35,789 It's downright smart.
- 00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:36,582 Uh-huh.
- 00:07:36,707 --> 00:07:40,294 Oh, here it is, as promised -- a fabulous free lunch.
- 00:07:40,419 --> 00:07:42,379 Wow. Filet mignon and lobster.
- 00:07:42,504 --> 00:07:43,839 Not bad.
- 00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,966 It's nice to feel rich, isn't it?
- 00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:47,843 Oh, you know, this is really great.
- 00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,012 It sure is.
- 00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:54,016 - What? - Wait.
- 00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:56,477 You see, that's the great thing about time-share --
- 00:07:56,602 --> 00:07:58,937 You get a little taste of luxuries you can't afford.
- 00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:01,315 And then share it with the people that come tomorrow.
- 00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:03,650 All right. We've been here for over three hours.
- 00:08:03,775 --> 00:08:05,652 Yeah. Can we go now, please?
- 00:08:05,777 --> 00:08:07,529 Of course you can. Go hit those slopes.
- 00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:08,989 If you could, please show me the backs
- 00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:11,575 of your table place cards real quick.
- 00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:14,536 Oh, my God! You got the red sticker!
- 00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:16,705 They got the red sticker? - They got the red sticker!
- 00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:17,915 What's the red sticker?
- 00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:20,501 Well, that means if you come up to the condo sales office,
- 00:08:20,626 --> 00:08:22,544 you'll receive one of three great prizes.
- 00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:23,587 No, no, no, no, no.
- 00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:25,214 We did your meeting and we did your lunch.
- 00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:26,423 We're finished, okay?
- 00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:29,426 Okay. Okay. Fine. I mean, it would only take a second.
- 00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:31,178 But, I mean, what did we do for you
- 00:08:31,303 --> 00:08:33,764 except give you a free condo for the weekend?
- 00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:35,641 Seems like you could just at least come up
- 00:08:35,766 --> 00:08:37,309 and see what prize you got.
- 00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:40,145 [ Sobbing while Down-Tempo Music Plays ]
- 00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:42,606 Oh, all right!
- 00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:47,361 [ Mid-tempo music plays ]
- 00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:50,072 Pizza. - French fries.
- 00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:51,114 French fries. - Pizza.
- 00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:53,242 French fries. Pizza. - Pizza to French fries.
- 00:08:53,909 --> 00:08:55,244 [ Grunts ]
- 00:08:55,369 --> 00:08:56,662 [ Birds chirping ]
- 00:08:56,787 --> 00:08:58,205 I wonder where our parents are.
- 00:08:58,330 --> 00:09:00,290 Who cares? I'm having more fun on my own.
- 00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:03,877 Well, well, well. If it isn't Stan Darsh.
- 00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:04,795 Oh, no.
- 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:07,297 Say, Darsh, you don't mind if I take Heather out
- 00:09:07,422 --> 00:09:08,966 for some fondue tonight, do you?
- 00:09:09,091 --> 00:09:10,217 Heather?
- 00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:13,262 Sorry, Stan, it's just that when it comes to skiing,
- 00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:14,930 Tad has all the right moves.
- 00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,598 I just might show her my moves tonight,
- 00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,058 if you know what I mean.
- 00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:19,309 You aren't mad, are you, Stan?
- 00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:22,646 I mean, a girl's got to look out for her best interests.
- 00:09:23,272 --> 00:09:25,065 Who <i>are</i> you people?
- 00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:26,650 Still don't want to race me?
- 00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:28,610 I told you he was chicken, Heather.
- 00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:31,947 Stan Marsh the Darsh. [ Laughs ]
- 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:32,906 All right, dude.
- 00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:34,324 If I race you, will you leave me alone?
- 00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:36,326 Oooh! - Ooh!
- 00:09:36,451 --> 00:09:37,536 All right. Fine.
- 00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:40,163 You and me at the summit. Now.
- 00:09:40,289 --> 00:09:41,331 Okay.
- 00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:43,375 Race! Race! - Race! Race!
- 00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:45,168 [Announcer ] Ladies and gentlemen,
- 00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:48,922 Aspen Mountain presents another extreme racing showdown.
- 00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:52,092 Seven-time world Aspen champion Tad Mikowski
- 00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:55,220 versus eight-year-old Stan Marsh!
- 00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:58,974 Ha! You're going down, little boy.
- 00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,392 Yeah, probably.
- 00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:02,394 Do you think Stan has a chance?
- 00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:04,313 [ Up-tempo music plays ]
- 00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:06,523 [ Buzzer sounds ]
- 00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:09,568 Uh, go, Stan!
- 00:10:09,693 --> 00:10:11,570 [ Music continues ]
- 00:10:11,695 --> 00:10:14,031 [ Crowd cheering ]
- 00:10:14,156 --> 00:10:15,782 French fries. Pizza.
- 00:10:15,907 --> 00:10:18,076 French fries. Pizza.
- 00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:20,120 He's got him! Tad's gonna win it!
- 00:10:20,245 --> 00:10:22,414 [ Music continues ]
- 00:10:22,539 --> 00:10:24,625 [ Crowd cheering ]
- 00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:30,297 Yeah! Yeaahh!
- 00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:31,965 [ Crowd cheering ]
- 00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:35,135 Yeah! You lose, Darsh!
- 00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:36,303 Oh!
- 00:10:36,428 --> 00:10:39,806 [ Crowd cheering in distance ]
- 00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:40,766 Yeah!
- 00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:43,602 Uh, Stan, y-you gave it your best shot,
- 00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:45,103 and that's all Jesus asks of you.
- 00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:47,397 Dude, I'm just happy this whole stupid thing is over with.
- 00:10:47,522 --> 00:10:48,690 [ Crowd cheering ]
- 00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,942 No hard feelings, right, Darsh?
- 00:10:51,068 --> 00:10:52,944 [ Laughs ]
- 00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:54,738 Yeah!
- 00:10:56,448 --> 00:11:00,619 Stan, for whatever it's worth, I think you were really brave.
- 00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:01,787 Thanks. Who are you?
- 00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:03,121 Hey, all the cool teens
- 00:11:03,246 --> 00:11:05,499 are gonna be at the youth center tonight for a dance.
- 00:11:05,624 --> 00:11:07,709 I hope you'll come, because you're just so --
- 00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:10,379 Well, you're just so -- Well, that's all!
- 00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:13,757 Finally, we get to go skiing.
- 00:11:13,882 --> 00:11:16,301 Oh, my God. Look how long the lift lines are.
- 00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:19,012 Yeah. I guess these passes the time-share salesmen gave us
- 00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:20,222 <i>will</i> come in handy.
- 00:11:21,807 --> 00:11:22,933 Can I help you? - Yes.
- 00:11:23,058 --> 00:11:24,309 We have the special passes
- 00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:27,104 to use the exclusive lift from the time-share company.
- 00:11:27,229 --> 00:11:28,772 Oh! Go right on ahead, folks.
- 00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:30,482 Thank you.
- 00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,860 Well, this certainly is nice.
- 00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:35,529 Yeah, we may not have gotten to ski earlier,
- 00:11:35,654 --> 00:11:38,073 but with this lift, we'll get more runs in than anybody.
- 00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,909 Have fun waiting in line, suckers!
- 00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:42,285 Whoo-hoo! - Oh, Chris.
- 00:11:42,411 --> 00:11:44,079 [ Chuckles softly ]
- 00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,540 Hey, look. This chair lift goes right into a building.
- 00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:49,084 [All gasp ]
- 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:50,168 Welcome back, folks.
- 00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:53,213 We've got a special new offer we can't wait to tell you about.
- 00:11:53,338 --> 00:11:54,798 Oh, God damn it!
- 00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:57,259 Dude, it's been 12 hours.
- 00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,052 Where the hell are our parents?
- 00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:02,013 [ Men Without Hats' "Safety Dance" playing ]
- 00:12:02,139 --> 00:12:04,683 I'm glad you guys came. Do you like our youth center?
- 00:12:04,808 --> 00:12:06,184 Seems fine.
- 00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:08,186 Yeah. Too bad we're getting shut down.
- 00:12:08,311 --> 00:12:11,898 That hotshot skier Tad's father is gonna bulldoze the building.
- 00:12:12,023 --> 00:12:13,734 Where are all us kids supposed to go?
- 00:12:13,859 --> 00:12:15,402 Don't care. ♪ F-F-F-F ♪
- 00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:17,654 ♪ E-E-E-E, T-T-T-T, Y-Y-Y-Y ♪
- 00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:19,531 What do you want to do now? - I don't know.
- 00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:21,491 ♪ Safety dance ♪ Let's dance.
- 00:12:21,616 --> 00:12:23,785 [ Music continues ]
- 00:12:27,164 --> 00:12:29,416 Butters, I hate you with every inch of my body.
- 00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:32,252 All right, Aspen, as a special treat tonight,
- 00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:35,255 we're proud to have the winner of today's race, Tad Mikowski!
- 00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:37,758 [ Cheers and applause ]
- 00:12:37,883 --> 00:12:39,551 Oh, God. Hey, everyone.
- 00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:42,220 I'd like to sing a little song if I may.
- 00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:43,346 - Ooh! - Ahh!
- 00:12:43,472 --> 00:12:44,806 Let's go, you guys.
- 00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:48,685 This is a song I wrote about Stan Marsh.
- 00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:50,645 ♪ Sta-a-a-n ♪
- 00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:51,980 ♪ Darsh ♪ [ Off-key chords playing ]
- 00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:55,692 ♪ Stan Darsh, Darsh, Darsh ♪
- 00:12:55,817 --> 00:12:58,695 ♪ Stan Darsh ♪
- 00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:01,323 ♪ Stan Darsh, Stan Darsh ♪
- 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:04,701 ♪ Stan Da-a-a-rsh, Darsh ♪
- 00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:06,411 ♪ Stan Darsh ♪
- 00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:08,413 Dude, what the hell is your problem?
- 00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:10,582 Ooh! - Ooh!
- 00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:13,210 I raced you. You won.
- 00:13:13,335 --> 00:13:14,419 A rematch?
- 00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:17,839 Oh, Darsh, you're even dumber than I thought.
- 00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,800 He'll ski you anytime, anywhere.
- 00:13:19,925 --> 00:13:20,842 Yeah! - Yeah!
- 00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,385 But this time, if he wins,
- 00:13:22,511 --> 00:13:24,721 you get your dad to not close our youth center.
- 00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:25,555 What?
- 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,724 All right, then. Let's make it interesting.
- 00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:31,353 Tomorrow afternoon... on the K-13.
- 00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:34,147 [ Thunder crashes, dramatic music plays ]
- 00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:35,565 The K-13?
- 00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:39,236 But that's the most dangerous run in all of America.
- 00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,321 Well, I'm not chicken.
- 00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:43,698 Are you, Darsh?
- 00:13:43,824 --> 00:13:45,158 [ Imitates chicken clucking ]
- 00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:46,576 I'll be there, you queen.
- 00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:47,994 Oh, yeah? - Yeah!
- 00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:52,541 Oh, Darsh, you're even dumber than I thought...again.
- 00:13:52,666 --> 00:13:54,960 See ya tomorrow.
- 00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:56,628 [ Insects chirping ]
- 00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:59,756 You're not really gonna go down that K-13 run, are you, Stan?
- 00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:00,882 Dude, I have to.
- 00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:02,884 Stan, you can't let that Tad guy get to you.
- 00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:03,969 Screw him, dude.
- 00:14:04,094 --> 00:14:05,637 Dude, he's got Heather!
- 00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:07,097 You don't even know Heather!
- 00:14:07,222 --> 00:14:08,557 I know, I know! I just...
- 00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:10,350 Look, I can't explain it, but I have to do this.
- 00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:13,061 I'm not gonna die. I mean, how bad can the K-13 be?
- 00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:14,104 The K-13?
- 00:14:14,229 --> 00:14:15,814 You don't want to go down that run.
- 00:14:15,939 --> 00:14:17,482 That run's got a history.
- 00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:19,484 Thirty-five people have died going down it,
- 00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:21,862 and some say you can still see their ghosts up there.
- 00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:23,071 It was on that very ski run
- 00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,906 that a group of students were killed by a wolf boy
- 00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:26,616 who escaped from the mental institution.
- 00:14:26,741 --> 00:14:28,785 You see, that ski run was once a burial ground
- 00:14:28,910 --> 00:14:30,620 to a tribe of vampire Wichika Indians
- 00:14:30,745 --> 00:14:32,664 who ate the flesh of children with no eyes.
- 00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:35,876 Yeah. A lot of history on that ski run.
- 00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:39,254 Thank you. - Yeah.
- 00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:40,297 Look, Stan.
- 00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:42,173 When Kenny died, I learned how important friends are.
- 00:14:42,299 --> 00:14:43,717 I'm not gonna lose another friend.
- 00:14:43,842 --> 00:14:44,801 This isn't about you, Kyle.
- 00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:47,512 I have to do this, okay? I have to!
- 00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,603 So you see, it's the investment opportunity
- 00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:55,812 that keeps on giving.
- 00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:57,564 How many times do we have to tell you this?
- 00:14:57,689 --> 00:15:00,400 We don't want to buy shares in a condo.
- 00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:02,360 And we certainly don't want to pressure you.
- 00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:03,361 Pressure us?
- 00:15:03,486 --> 00:15:04,529 You kept us all day yesterday
- 00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:06,239 and then had a chair lift bring us back.
- 00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:07,866 Hey, you can leave any time you want.
- 00:15:07,991 --> 00:15:10,327 Of course, that is if you don't want the super-secret fun prize
- 00:15:10,452 --> 00:15:11,494 for attending the slide show.
- 00:15:11,620 --> 00:15:13,788 No, we don't want the super-secret fun prize.
- 00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:14,915 We just want to ski!
- 00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:16,708 - Come on, everybody. - I know!
- 00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:18,835 Have you ever considered going in on a time-share?
- 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,712 That's only a couple thousand each, Josh.
- 00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:22,964 Don't listen to him. Let's just go.
- 00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:24,925 My God, can you believe those people?
- 00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:26,801 I hope you don't blame me for all that.
- 00:15:26,927 --> 00:15:29,346 The ad <i>did</i> just say a 30-minute presentation.
- 00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:31,181 Let's just get out of here.
- 00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:33,683 [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:35,894 Folks, I'm glad you're back, because we forgot to mention
- 00:15:36,019 --> 00:15:38,229 time-share condos are still deeded properties!
- 00:15:38,355 --> 00:15:39,856 [All ] Aah!
- 00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:43,860 Ooh! You folks really lucked out this time.
- 00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:45,695 You're visitors number 1,000.
- 00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:47,906 That means you can listen to our special offer
- 00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:49,532 for privileged members only.
- 00:15:49,658 --> 00:15:51,701 That does it. I'm calling the police.
- 00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:58,291 Mister ski instructor, I need a lot of training fast.
- 00:15:58,416 --> 00:15:59,960 I'm gonna race down the K-13.
- 00:16:00,085 --> 00:16:02,212 The K-13? But you're just a beginner.
- 00:16:02,337 --> 00:16:05,131 If you ski out of your league, you're gonna have a bad time.
- 00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:07,258 I have to do this, okay? I have to.
- 00:16:07,384 --> 00:16:09,803 Alright, well, if you got to get good at something really fast,
- 00:16:09,928 --> 00:16:11,262 there's only one way to do it.
- 00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:12,222 Come on!
- 00:16:12,347 --> 00:16:15,600 [ Up-tempo music plays ]
- 00:16:19,771 --> 00:16:22,565 ♪ The day is approaching to give it your best ♪
- 00:16:22,691 --> 00:16:26,111 ♪ And you've got to reach your prime ♪
- 00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:29,280 ♪ That's when you need to put yourself to the test ♪
- 00:16:29,406 --> 00:16:31,783 ♪ And show us a passage of time ♪
- 00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:33,868 ♪ We're gonna need a montage ♪
- 00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:37,330 ♪ A sports-training montage ♪
- 00:16:37,455 --> 00:16:38,748 ♪ Montage ♪
- 00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:41,209 ♪ Show a lot of things happening at once ♪
- 00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:44,587 ♪ Remind everyone of what's going on ♪
- 00:16:44,713 --> 00:16:48,258 ♪ And with every shot, show a little improvement ♪
- 00:16:48,383 --> 00:16:50,677 ♪ To show it all would take too long ♪
- 00:16:50,802 --> 00:16:52,971 ♪ That's called a montage ♪
- 00:16:53,096 --> 00:16:56,307 ♪ Even "Rocky" had a montage ♪
- 00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:57,642 ♪ Montage ♪
- 00:16:57,767 --> 00:17:00,812 ♪ In any sport if you want to go ♪
- 00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:03,606 ♪ From just a beginner to a pro ♪
- 00:17:03,732 --> 00:17:05,692 ♪ You need a montage ♪
- 00:17:05,817 --> 00:17:08,820 ♪ A simple little montage ♪
- 00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:10,447 ♪ Montage ♪
- 00:17:10,572 --> 00:17:14,993 ♪ Always fade out in a montage ♪
- 00:17:15,118 --> 00:17:16,161 ♪ Montage ♪ [ Music fades ]
- 00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:19,873 ♪ If you fade out, it seems like more time has passed ♪
- 00:17:19,998 --> 00:17:23,001 ♪ In a montage ♪
- 00:17:23,126 --> 00:17:24,711 ♪ Montage ♪
- 00:17:24,836 --> 00:17:26,921 ♪ Montage ♪
- 00:17:27,047 --> 00:17:28,840 [ Birds chirping ]
- 00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:30,550 All the ad said was we had to attend
- 00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:32,010 a 30-minute meeting, right?
- 00:17:32,135 --> 00:17:33,636 And it's been a day and a half.
- 00:17:33,762 --> 00:17:36,431 These guys won't let us leave. - That's not true, officers.
- 00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:38,141 We said they could leave at any time.
- 00:17:38,266 --> 00:17:40,643 All right. Let me see if I got this straight.
- 00:17:40,769 --> 00:17:42,896 You two gentlemen are offering part-time
- 00:17:43,021 --> 00:17:45,732 limited liability ownership in one of your fabulous condos
- 00:17:45,857 --> 00:17:48,151 for the one-time price of $8,000?!
- 00:17:48,276 --> 00:17:49,152 That's right!
- 00:17:49,277 --> 00:17:51,404 Sounds to me like if anybody should be arrested,
- 00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:54,240 it should be you people for passing up such a great deal.
- 00:17:54,365 --> 00:17:56,951 That's right. You're practically stealing condos at that price.
- 00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:58,495 Book 'em, Danno. [ Laughs ]
- 00:17:58,620 --> 00:18:01,081 Oh, Jesus. [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- 00:18:01,206 --> 00:18:02,791 No. No!
- 00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:04,876 The police work for time-share, too?
- 00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:06,836 The police, the mayor,
- 00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:09,255 the president of the United States.
- 00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:12,759 Perhaps now you see the severity of your situation.
- 00:18:12,884 --> 00:18:17,722 I think we shall all sit down and listen to the presentation.
- 00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:19,641 [ Gun cocks ] Sit!
- 00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:21,392 [ Music continues ]
- 00:18:21,518 --> 00:18:25,438 Now, you're probably asking yourselves...
- 00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:28,024 can my time-share condo turn into a profit?
- 00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:30,318 What kind of cash flow can I realize from my investment?
- 00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:31,611 The answer might astonish you.
- 00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:33,446 For over 10 years, investors have seen their...
- 00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:38,076 [Announcer] The powder is fresh, and the stage is set
- 00:18:38,201 --> 00:18:41,579 for Tad versus Stan on the K-13.
- 00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:43,623 This time you're not just gonna lose,
- 00:18:43,748 --> 00:18:45,333 you're gonna die.
- 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,919 I can't lose another friend. First Kenny and now Stan.
- 00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:49,963 All I'm gonna have left are you two douches.
- 00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:52,590 Ready. Set. Go!
- 00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:54,717 [ Up-tempo music plays ] Pizza.
- 00:18:54,843 --> 00:18:56,761 Pizza. Pizza.
- 00:18:56,886 --> 00:18:58,346 Tad's got the lead.
- 00:18:58,471 --> 00:18:59,681 Come on, Stan!
- 00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:02,100 [ Music continues ]
- 00:19:04,894 --> 00:19:05,645 [ Chuckles ]
- 00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:07,814 This should slow down Darsh a bit.
- 00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:14,237 [Announcer ] And it looks like Tad is way out in front.
- 00:19:14,362 --> 00:19:17,699 [ Laughs ] Now I'll win for sure!
- 00:19:18,283 --> 00:19:19,826 Oh, dude, I can't look.
- 00:19:21,911 --> 00:19:24,038 [ Music continues ]
- 00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:29,711 Let's see what some sand does to your speed, Darsh.
- 00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:34,799 He doesn't stand a chance now.
- 00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:40,388 I'm gonna beat him!
- 00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:43,391 [Announcer ] The race is half over, and Tad is still out in the lead.
- 00:19:46,436 --> 00:19:49,189 When Darsh skis by here, I'll let all these hamsters go.
- 00:19:49,314 --> 00:19:51,107 That should distract him just long enough
- 00:19:51,232 --> 00:19:53,234 for me to win the race!
- 00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:55,778 Oh, Tad.
- 00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:57,405 What are you doing up here?
- 00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:58,239 Oh, nothing.
- 00:19:58,364 --> 00:20:01,284 I just thought maybe I could distract you with these.
- 00:20:01,409 --> 00:20:03,620 [ Groaning ]
- 00:20:03,745 --> 00:20:04,829 Whoa.
- 00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:08,208 [ Groaning ]
- 00:20:08,333 --> 00:20:09,334 [ Crowd cheering ]
- 00:20:09,459 --> 00:20:12,337 [ Simple Minds' "Don't You (Forget About Me)" plays ]
- 00:20:12,462 --> 00:20:13,296 Good job, dude!
- 00:20:13,421 --> 00:20:14,297 Thanks.
- 00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:16,716 ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
- 00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:19,427 ♪ Ooh, ooh, oh ♪
- 00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:20,803 You did it, Stan.
- 00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:25,475 Thanks a lot, Stan.
- 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,894 Now we're gonna be able to keep the youth center.
- 00:20:28,019 --> 00:20:29,604 [ Crowd cheering ]
- 00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:31,356 Well, that does it.
- 00:20:31,481 --> 00:20:33,608 Looks like the spirits of the Wichika Indians
- 00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:35,401 can finally rest in peace.
- 00:20:35,526 --> 00:20:39,322 [ Ghostly voice ] Thank you, Stan.
- 00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:43,451 Stan, I was wrong about you. Would you like to go out again?
- 00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:44,494 Go ahead, Stan.
- 00:20:44,619 --> 00:20:46,871 She's everything you ever wanted.
- 00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:48,873 There you are, boys.
- 00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:49,832 Mom, Dad!
- 00:20:49,958 --> 00:20:51,167 Where the hell have you guys been?
- 00:20:51,292 --> 00:20:54,003 We got a little held up at the time-share sales office.
- 00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:57,006 Yeah, but the good news is we finally came to our senses
- 00:20:57,131 --> 00:20:58,758 and bought some shares in a condo.
- 00:20:58,883 --> 00:21:01,844 So we all get to come to Aspen for two weeks every year.
- 00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:03,179 [All ] Aw!
- 00:21:03,304 --> 00:21:05,056 What's the matter? Didn't you boys like skiing?
- 00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:05,765 No!
- 00:21:05,890 --> 00:21:08,434 We can't keep track of when you pizza and when you french-fries
- 00:21:08,559 --> 00:21:10,520 and when the hotshot asshole skier takes your girl,
- 00:21:10,645 --> 00:21:11,980 if you're supposed to race him the first time,
- 00:21:12,105 --> 00:21:13,982 or train first to beat him on the really difficult mountain
- 00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:16,192 so you can save the dorky- but-hot girl's youth center.
- 00:21:16,317 --> 00:21:17,318 Skiing sucks!
- 00:21:17,443 --> 00:21:19,445 Yeah. What a stupid sport.
- 00:21:19,570 --> 00:21:22,699 [A-ha's "Take On Me" plays ]
- 00:21:22,824 --> 00:21:24,617 I heard that you were the one responsible
- 00:21:24,742 --> 00:21:26,452 for making Tad lose the race.
- 00:21:26,577 --> 00:21:27,412 Thanks.
- 00:21:27,537 --> 00:21:31,249 Yeah. Well, he really flipped when he saw these.
- 00:21:32,750 --> 00:21:34,210 Quaid.
- 00:21:34,335 --> 00:21:36,879 Start the reactor.
- 00:21:37,005 --> 00:21:40,300 [ Music continues ]
- 00:21:40,425 --> 00:21:42,385 [ off-key ] ♪ Talking away ♪
- 00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:45,430 ♪ I don't know what I'm to say ♪
- 00:21:45,555 --> 00:21:48,266 ♪ I'll say it anyway ♪
- 00:21:48,391 --> 00:21:51,894 ♪ Today's another day to find you ♪
- 00:21:52,020 --> 00:21:54,105 ♪ Shying away ♪
- 00:21:54,230 --> 00:21:57,358 ♪ I'll be coming for your love, okay ♪
- 00:21:57,483 --> 00:21:59,652 ♪ Take on ♪
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