Загрузка
00:00
/
22:07
Джаред и его помощники
Jared Has Aides
Сезон: 06Серия: 01
Описание
Город озабочен проблемой сброса веса после речи Джареда Фогла. Друзья решают заработать, заставив Баттерса потолстеть, чтобы он смог сбросить вес, как Джаред.
Субтитры
- 00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:11,929 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:14,140 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:00:14,265 --> 00:00:15,641 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:18,602 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,021 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:00:20,146 --> 00:00:22,064 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
- 00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:25,317 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:00:25,443 --> 00:00:27,153 ♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪
- 00:00:27,278 --> 00:00:29,030 ♪ Timmy, Timmy, liv-a-la, Timmy! ♪
- 00:00:29,155 --> 00:00:32,575 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:00:37,621 --> 00:00:38,914 Shut up, you guys. Shut up, you guys.
- 00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:42,710 Hello, Chitty Wok.
- 00:00:42,835 --> 00:00:43,753 Take order, please.
- 00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:46,005 Hello, is this City Wok?
- 00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:47,590 Yes, this Chitty Wok.
- 00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:50,551 Yes, we'd like one order of the city beef.
- 00:00:50,676 --> 00:00:51,761 Chitty beef.
- 00:00:52,928 --> 00:00:54,263 And I'll have the city chicken.
- 00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:55,514 Chitty chicken.
- 00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:58,267 Oh, dude, look.
- 00:00:58,392 --> 00:00:59,977 It's that commercial with the guy that lost 400 pounds
- 00:01:00,102 --> 00:01:01,187 eating at Subway sandwiches.
- 00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,565 ♪ He's still looking good ♪
- 00:01:04,690 --> 00:01:07,193 ♪ His name is Jared ♪
- 00:01:07,318 --> 00:01:08,569 ♪ His name is Jared ♪
- 00:01:08,694 --> 00:01:11,405 ♪ And he likes to eat the sandwiches ♪
- 00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:12,406 Hey, fellas.
- 00:01:12,531 --> 00:01:13,491 Hey, Kenny.
- 00:01:13,616 --> 00:01:15,743 Now, gosh darn it, my name's not Kenny.
- 00:01:15,868 --> 00:01:16,702 Kenny's dead,
- 00:01:16,827 --> 00:01:18,496 and you're all gonna have to learn to deal with that.
- 00:01:18,621 --> 00:01:19,580 Okay, not-Kenny.
- 00:01:19,705 --> 00:01:20,873 Hey, South Park!
- 00:01:20,998 --> 00:01:23,292 You can meet Jared in person, March 6th,
- 00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,878 at the Kenny McCormick Memorial Town Square.
- 00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:27,963 Oh, boy! Jared's coming to town!
- 00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:29,340 Dude, that's today!
- 00:01:29,465 --> 00:01:31,217 We got to get down there. Come on, not-Kenny.
- 00:01:31,342 --> 00:01:33,511 Now, gosh darn it, my name's not not-Kenny.
- 00:01:33,636 --> 00:01:34,887 Okay. Come on, not not-Kenny.
- 00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:37,306 Oh, I-I'm getting steamed now!
- 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:38,724 Hello?! Chitty Wok!
- 00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:40,935 Chitty Wok! Take order, please!
- 00:01:43,562 --> 00:01:45,481 Excuse me. Can we get through here?
- 00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:48,317 Hell, no! I've been saving this spot for six hours.
- 00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:50,778 ♪ His name is Garrison, Mr. Garrison ♪
- 00:01:50,903 --> 00:01:52,905 ♪ He lost 10 pounds taking Jared's lead ♪
- 00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:54,615 Here he comes!
- 00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:57,451 ♪ He's still looking good ♪
- 00:01:57,576 --> 00:02:00,496 ♪ With all those s-sandwiches ♪
- 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:04,250 Thank you all so much.
- 00:02:04,375 --> 00:02:07,545 You know, after a year of eating delicious sub sandwiches,
- 00:02:07,670 --> 00:02:09,505 I've proven weight loss is easy!
- 00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:14,135 And I promise you I will always be your faithful leader
- 00:02:14,260 --> 00:02:15,386 in easy weight loss.
- 00:02:15,511 --> 00:02:16,512 All right! - Yeah!
- 00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:19,348 That guy ate all the sandwiches he wanted and lost weight.
- 00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:21,225 He is so cool.
- 00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:24,603 Mr. Fogle?
- 00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:26,689 Some fans wanted to see if you'd sign their sandwich.
- 00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:28,732 Sure. Let them in.
- 00:02:28,858 --> 00:02:29,859 Hi, kids.
- 00:02:29,984 --> 00:02:30,860 Wow! It's Jared.
- 00:02:30,985 --> 00:02:32,486 Dude, did you really lose all that weight
- 00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:33,863 eating nothing but sub sandwiches?
- 00:02:33,988 --> 00:02:35,114 I sure did.
- 00:02:35,239 --> 00:02:37,992 And -- W-Well, I-I also had a little help on the side.
- 00:02:38,117 --> 00:02:38,826 What kind of help?
- 00:02:38,951 --> 00:02:41,162 Well, eating sub sandwiches was a big part of it.
- 00:02:41,287 --> 00:02:43,289 But the way that I lost so much weight
- 00:02:43,414 --> 00:02:45,499 was that I got aides.
- 00:02:46,083 --> 00:02:48,043 A-AIDS? - That's right.
- 00:02:48,169 --> 00:02:49,503 I got aides about two years ago,
- 00:02:49,628 --> 00:02:51,172 and I've been losing weight ever since.
- 00:02:51,297 --> 00:02:53,883 It's amazing how slim you can get with aides.
- 00:02:54,008 --> 00:02:55,843 I'll bet you can. - Would you like to meet them?
- 00:02:55,968 --> 00:02:57,511 Them? - My aides.
- 00:02:57,636 --> 00:02:58,762 Scott! Tyler!
- 00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:02,016 Scott is my personal trainer, and Tyler is my dietitian.
- 00:03:02,141 --> 00:03:03,100 Hello!
- 00:03:03,225 --> 00:03:05,436 Oh! A-I-D-E-S aides.
- 00:03:05,561 --> 00:03:07,688 Yeah. Hooray for aides!
- 00:03:07,813 --> 00:03:09,440 That's not really what you say in the commercial.
- 00:03:09,565 --> 00:03:12,193 I know. You kind of have to read the fine print at the bottom.
- 00:03:12,318 --> 00:03:14,778 It says I only ate a half-size lean turkey sandwich
- 00:03:14,904 --> 00:03:16,530 with no mustard or mayo or anything like that
- 00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:18,574 and then had proper diet and exercise aides.
- 00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:19,700 But you're lying to people.
- 00:03:19,825 --> 00:03:22,453 If they knew you didn't just eat all the sandwiches you want,
- 00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:23,746 you might not be so popular.
- 00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:26,081 Y-You think so? Well, why should it matter?
- 00:03:26,207 --> 00:03:27,708 It matters, dude.
- 00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:29,251 Hmm.
- 00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:31,837 That penis butt didn't lose weight eating sub sandwiches.
- 00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:34,298 He lost weight because he ate less of them and exercised.
- 00:03:34,423 --> 00:03:36,091 It's only in America somebody can become famous
- 00:03:36,217 --> 00:03:37,509 because they go from being a big fat ass
- 00:03:37,635 --> 00:03:38,761 to not being a big fat ass.
- 00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:40,512 Oh, my God, you guys.
- 00:03:40,638 --> 00:03:42,348 I think I'm having a genius moment.
- 00:03:42,473 --> 00:03:44,183 Yes. Yes!
- 00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:45,601 It's coming to me now.
- 00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:46,727 That -- That's diarrhea.
- 00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:48,854 No. Don't you see what this all means?
- 00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:50,272 Anybody could do what he did.
- 00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,691 What's to stop someone else from going to say, City Wok,
- 00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,109 and cutting a deal with them --
- 00:03:54,235 --> 00:03:56,320 say they'll eat nothing but their Chinese food,
- 00:03:56,445 --> 00:03:59,448 but then eat only a little tiny bit of it and exercise?
- 00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,784 Then City Wok could say their food makes you lose weight.
- 00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:04,036 That's right, Stan. It's a cash cow, I tell you.
- 00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:05,162 That's a great idea!
- 00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:06,372 Lose weight and make money.
- 00:04:06,497 --> 00:04:08,165 I tell you, this is gonna be the greatest thing
- 00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:09,333 that Butters has ever done.
- 00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:10,626 Me?!
- 00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:12,878 Who do you think I'm talking about, Butters -- Joyce Dewitt?
- 00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:15,464 Oh, no. I thought you meant you. Y-You're the fat one.
- 00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,049 I can't lose weight, Butters, because I'm not fat.
- 00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:18,092 I'm big-boned.
- 00:04:18,217 --> 00:04:20,010 You can't slim down bones, stupid.
- 00:04:20,135 --> 00:04:21,428 But Butters isn't fat.
- 00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:22,638 That's my whole point.
- 00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:23,722 First we fatten him up.
- 00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:25,516 Then we make the deal with City Wok.
- 00:04:25,641 --> 00:04:27,685 Then take the weight back off. - He's right.
- 00:04:27,810 --> 00:04:28,852 If Butters is naturally skinny,
- 00:04:28,978 --> 00:04:30,354 he'll be able to take the weight off faster.
- 00:04:30,479 --> 00:04:33,065 But, fellas, if I get fat, my parents will ground me.
- 00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:34,900 Oh, come on! Just think about how famous you'll be.
- 00:04:35,025 --> 00:04:35,901 You mean like Jared?
- 00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:37,236 Yeah, dude! You'll be just like Jared!
- 00:04:37,361 --> 00:04:39,780 Well, the heck with that! You said Jared was a "penis butt".
- 00:04:39,905 --> 00:04:41,824 You wouldn't be a penis butt. You'd be famous.
- 00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:43,617 Just think about all those people following you around,
- 00:04:43,742 --> 00:04:45,619 singing songs to you just 'cause you lost some weight.
- 00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:46,912 ♪ His name is Butters ♪
- 00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:48,038 ♪ It's Butters ♪
- 00:04:48,163 --> 00:04:49,748 ♪ Used to be fat but not no more ♪
- 00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:51,625 ♪ City Wok brought him down to a size 4 ♪
- 00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:53,419 ♪ Now he's got lots of moneys and girls ♪
- 00:04:53,544 --> 00:04:56,297 ♪ And a lifetime of free food at City Wok ♪
- 00:04:56,422 --> 00:04:57,673 Wow.
- 00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:01,135 Christine, you know I love you very much,
- 00:05:01,260 --> 00:05:02,845 and I-I can't wait for the wedding.
- 00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:05,681 I love you, too, Jared. You changed my whole life.
- 00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:08,058 ♪ Her name is Jonas, Christine Jonas ♪
- 00:05:08,183 --> 00:05:09,685 ♪ She lost 40 pounds when she met Jared and -- ♪
- 00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:10,936 I-I know, I know.
- 00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:13,314 But, uh, some young boys were talking to me earlier,
- 00:05:13,439 --> 00:05:14,523 and they made me think
- 00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,942 that people might not be so proud of my weight loss
- 00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:18,360 if they knew something.
- 00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:19,987 Jared, what's this all about?
- 00:05:20,112 --> 00:05:22,406 Christine, this probably isn't gonna matter to you at all,
- 00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:24,158 but...I have aides.
- 00:05:24,283 --> 00:05:25,075 What?!
- 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,368 Yeah, I have aides.
- 00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:28,871 I've had aides since before we were together.
- 00:05:30,873 --> 00:05:32,875 What -- What are you thinking? Are you bummed?
- 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,126 Am I bummed?!
- 00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:36,420 You've had AIDS all this time, and you knew it?
- 00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:37,546 Well, of course I knew it.
- 00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:38,964 Why the hell wouldn't you tell me?
- 00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:40,549 I didn't think it was that big of a deal.
- 00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:43,260 Not that big of a deal?! I slept with you!
- 00:05:43,385 --> 00:05:44,511 Aren't you overreacting a little bit?
- 00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:46,555 But Jesus Christ! we're supposed to get married!
- 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,474 We can still get married, Christine.
- 00:05:48,599 --> 00:05:49,850 Sure, they're my aides now,
- 00:05:49,975 --> 00:05:52,269 but after we get married, they'll be <i>our</i> aides.
- 00:05:53,479 --> 00:05:55,522 You'll love having aides, Christine, you really will.
- 00:05:55,647 --> 00:05:57,566 And when we have children, they'll have aides.
- 00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:58,942 It'll make things so simple.
- 00:05:59,068 --> 00:06:01,070 Christine!
- 00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:05,741 Geez. Those boys were right. People really don't like aides.
- 00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,409 I'd better tell everyone the truth.
- 00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:10,621 Hello, there, children.
- 00:06:10,746 --> 00:06:12,748 Chef, we need Butters to gain about 50 pounds, fast.
- 00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:14,041 Fifty pounds? Why?
- 00:06:14,166 --> 00:06:15,959 Uh, school project.
- 00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:19,004 Well, if you want him to get really fat as fast as possible,
- 00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:20,923 one of you will have to marry him.
- 00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:21,924 Marry him?
- 00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:24,218 It definitely worked for every woman I ever met.
- 00:06:24,343 --> 00:06:26,345 Oh, no, no, no! I ain't getting married.
- 00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:27,513 My parents will ground me.
- 00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:29,348 Yeah. None of us want to marry Butters.
- 00:06:29,473 --> 00:06:31,141 Well, how come? What's wrong with me?
- 00:06:31,266 --> 00:06:33,060 I guess we're gonna do this the old-fashioned way.
- 00:06:33,185 --> 00:06:34,937 Come on back, children.
- 00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:40,275 I can't eat no more.
- 00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:42,361 You have to. Here. Have some more mayonnaise.
- 00:06:43,404 --> 00:06:44,488 Chef, we need more food.
- 00:06:44,613 --> 00:06:46,156 I'm running out, children.
- 00:06:47,950 --> 00:06:48,867 Damn it, Butters, keep eating,
- 00:06:48,992 --> 00:06:50,953 or else I'll kick your ass till you're deader than Kenny!
- 00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:51,787 Dude, that isn't cool.
- 00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,247 You shouldn't joke about Kenny being dead.
- 00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:54,415 Enough time hasn't passed.
- 00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:55,749 So how long until we can joke about it?
- 00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:56,917 22.3 years.
- 00:06:57,042 --> 00:06:58,419 That's how long it takes for something tragic
- 00:06:58,544 --> 00:06:59,503 to become funny.
- 00:06:59,628 --> 00:07:00,796 That's a long time to wait.
- 00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:02,256 I can't eat no more.
- 00:07:02,381 --> 00:07:04,341 I-I just keep puking it up.
- 00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:06,176 Then eat your puke. - No!
- 00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:08,720 Oh, come on. Japanese girls do it.
- 00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:13,767 Ladies and gentlemen, we at Subway are happy to inform you
- 00:07:13,892 --> 00:07:16,603 that Jared has elected to stay in South Park
- 00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:18,647 in order to speak to you once again!
- 00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,942 He's going to speak to us once again!
- 00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:24,653 So here he is -- Jared!
- 00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:27,406 ♪ He's still looking good ♪
- 00:07:27,531 --> 00:07:30,993 ♪ Eating them sandwiches all the time ♪
- 00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:32,786 Thank you. Thank you all.
- 00:07:32,911 --> 00:07:36,707 Subway is a healthy way to eat fast food and lose weight!
- 00:07:36,832 --> 00:07:37,958 All right!
- 00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:41,545 But I feel like I need to come a little clean
- 00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:43,714 about something.
- 00:07:43,839 --> 00:07:47,217 It wasn't <i>just</i> Subway sandwiches that made me thin.
- 00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:47,968 Huh?
- 00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:50,804 The reason I was able to lose so much weight so quickly
- 00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:53,348 was that I got aides.
- 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:56,477 Huh? - Did he say "AIDS"?
- 00:07:56,602 --> 00:07:58,979 But I still want to be the leader in a thinner America,
- 00:07:59,104 --> 00:08:00,230 and so I'm here to tell you
- 00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:02,816 that you should all go out and get aides!
- 00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:04,818 Oh, my God. - Is he serious?
- 00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:06,820 Having aides is awesome!
- 00:08:06,945 --> 00:08:09,823 With aides, you can literally watch the fat melt away.
- 00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:13,118 And with the proper mix of aides and Subway sandwiches,
- 00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:14,995 anything is possible.
- 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:17,956 Uh, the opinions expressed by Mr. Fogle
- 00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:20,667 are not necessarily those of the Subway company.
- 00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:26,590 Wow! He looks great!
- 00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:27,674 How do you feel, Butters?
- 00:08:27,799 --> 00:08:29,551 Well, k-kind of like Cartman.
- 00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:31,094 Aah! - Get ahold of yourself, man.
- 00:08:31,220 --> 00:08:33,305 All right. Now it's time for phase two.
- 00:08:35,641 --> 00:08:36,725 Welcome to Chitty Wok.
- 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:39,102 You like to try chitty chicken today?
- 00:08:39,228 --> 00:08:42,064 Sir, we have come to offer you the business deal of a lifetime.
- 00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:44,107 You want the chitty beef?
- 00:08:44,233 --> 00:08:46,485 No. We want to show the world how healthy your food is.
- 00:08:46,610 --> 00:08:48,362 Our fat friend here is going to lose 40 pounds
- 00:08:48,487 --> 00:08:49,655 eating at Chitty Wok.
- 00:08:49,780 --> 00:08:51,532 Which one? I see two fat friend.
- 00:08:51,657 --> 00:08:52,616 The fat one.
- 00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:54,117 We're gonna take before-and-after photos,
- 00:08:54,243 --> 00:08:55,869 and when he gets skinny from eating your food,
- 00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:57,412 we'll show the world.
- 00:08:58,413 --> 00:08:59,289 Why?
- 00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:02,209 Because then you can pay us to use our friend in commercials.
- 00:09:02,334 --> 00:09:04,044 Oh, you mean like Jared?
- 00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:05,337 Just like Jared.
- 00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:07,506 ♪ His name is Jared, he lose some weight ♪
- 00:09:07,631 --> 00:09:09,466 ♪ Chitty Wok food sure is great ♪
- 00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:10,801 Yeah. Okay. That sound good.
- 00:09:10,926 --> 00:09:12,844 So, if he lose weight eating Chitty Wok,
- 00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:14,846 I pay you to use him in commercial.
- 00:09:14,972 --> 00:09:15,764 All right!
- 00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:18,267 Sir, we are in business.
- 00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:20,477 Jared, first of all,
- 00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:22,145 we want to say that all of us here at Subway
- 00:09:22,271 --> 00:09:24,314 appreciate everything you've done for our company.
- 00:09:24,439 --> 00:09:25,691 Well, I appreciate your company
- 00:09:25,816 --> 00:09:27,150 doing everything it's done for <i>m e.</i>
- 00:09:27,276 --> 00:09:30,028 Yes, well, it is now the opinion of all of us
- 00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:32,698 that perhaps it would be best for you to take your...
- 00:09:32,823 --> 00:09:36,577 <i>strange</i> theories on weight loss elsewhere.
- 00:09:36,702 --> 00:09:39,621 Excuse me...
- 00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,456 ...am I being fired?
- 00:09:41,582 --> 00:09:44,042 Jared, it's just that your new take on weight loss
- 00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:46,461 is contrary to our commitment to good health.
- 00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:47,504 How so?
- 00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:49,548 Well, your new slogan, for instance.
- 00:09:49,673 --> 00:09:51,967 "When it comes to fitness,
- 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:54,803 Subway goes hand in hand with AIDS."
- 00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:56,972 Uh-huh.
- 00:10:00,684 --> 00:10:02,436 ♪ Name is Jared ♪
- 00:10:02,561 --> 00:10:05,063 ♪ He's Jared, lost weight eating Subway ♪
- 00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:06,732 ♪ Now he's cold and alone ♪
- 00:10:06,857 --> 00:10:09,526 ♪ No one to -- place to call his home ♪
- 00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:12,029 ♪ He likes sandwiches with Philadelphia ♪
- 00:10:12,154 --> 00:10:14,364 ♪ cream cheese ♪
- 00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:16,742 Come on, Butters! You got to get skinny again!
- 00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:18,910 You are such a flabby hunk of crap!
- 00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:21,955 Look at those jelly rolls! Jelly rolls, I tell ya!
- 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:23,582 You still got seven chins, boy!
- 00:10:23,707 --> 00:10:25,709 You'll never be thin! Nobody loves you!
- 00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:27,127 Hey, now. They do, too.
- 00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:29,713 My mom and dad love me even if I am fat.
- 00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:31,965 Butters, I'm just trying to offer some motivational help.
- 00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:34,051 All right, then. - Row, you fat bitch!
- 00:10:34,176 --> 00:10:36,386 Look at them jelly rolls! Nobody loves you!
- 00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:37,888 You're not even a person!
- 00:10:39,348 --> 00:10:42,225 I never asked to be famous. Now everyone hates me!
- 00:10:42,351 --> 00:10:44,770 I almost wish I had never gotten aides!
- 00:10:44,895 --> 00:10:47,356 Hey. Now, come on. What kind of talk is that?
- 00:10:47,481 --> 00:10:48,774 I'm sorry, guys, but I --
- 00:10:48,899 --> 00:10:51,443 I think I want to be aides-free for a while.
- 00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:54,071 Come on, Jared. Lighten up. People don't hate you.
- 00:10:54,196 --> 00:10:55,614 Maybe they're all just jealous
- 00:10:55,739 --> 00:10:58,075 that they can't afford to hire their own aides.
- 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,327 Wait a minute. You're right!
- 00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:01,828 Yeah!
- 00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:04,748 I think I know how to be a celebrity again!
- 00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:07,709 Did you bring the camera? - Yeah. we're all set.
- 00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:09,211 Guys, I think this might be a good time
- 00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:11,171 to discuss some business. - What do you mean?
- 00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:13,131 Well, when City Wok sees how skinny Butters is,
- 00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:15,050 they're not gonna want him to just make one commercial.
- 00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,259 They're gonna want several. - That's true.
- 00:11:16,385 --> 00:11:18,345 Jared did like a hundred for Subway sandwiches.
- 00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:19,805 I think we're looking at a nonexclusive,
- 00:11:19,930 --> 00:11:21,306 two-year, 50-picture deal here.
- 00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:24,351 My calculations put that at about $4 million.
- 00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:25,268 Wow!
- 00:11:25,394 --> 00:11:27,270 I think the $4 million should be split evenly
- 00:11:27,396 --> 00:11:28,397 among the three of us,
- 00:11:28,522 --> 00:11:31,066 except that I should get a 20% per negation fee off the gross
- 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,234 for having come up with the idea.
- 00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,027 Butters, what the hell are you doing?!
- 00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:34,945 Yeah! You're still fat!
- 00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:36,780 I know. I-I can't seem to lose it.
- 00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:38,699 But we're supposed to shoot your commercial for City Wok today,
- 00:11:38,824 --> 00:11:39,783 you fat piece of crap!
- 00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:41,201 I don't know what to tell you.
- 00:11:41,326 --> 00:11:43,036 Losing weight is harder than putting it on.
- 00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:45,038 No, it isn't, stupid blubber butt!
- 00:11:45,163 --> 00:11:47,708 Did you eat only one ounce of City Wok a day like we told you?
- 00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:49,626 Well, yeah, but I-I don't know.
- 00:11:49,751 --> 00:11:51,002 Why are you doing this to us?
- 00:11:52,671 --> 00:11:54,506 All prepared for liposuction surgery?
- 00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:55,507 Check.
- 00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:57,050 I don't know about this, fellas.
- 00:11:57,175 --> 00:11:59,344 You're the one that screwed us by not losing weight, Butters.
- 00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:01,012 It says here, "The operation begins
- 00:12:01,138 --> 00:12:03,098 with a one-inch incision in the abdomen
- 00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:05,267 on the left side, just above the hip."
- 00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:07,477 Ah, so that's right about, uh, here.
- 00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:09,354 Oh! - Stop your bitching, Butters!
- 00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:11,064 God! Kenny would've took it like a man!
- 00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:12,649 Now put one end of the tube
- 00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:14,484 a half an inch into the incision.
- 00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:15,402 All righty.
- 00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:17,779 Whoa. I think this is a bad idea, fellas.
- 00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:19,030 I feel woozy.
- 00:12:19,156 --> 00:12:20,073 I think it's in.
- 00:12:20,198 --> 00:12:21,658 "The liposuction is a process
- 00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:24,494 of siphoning out the excess fat."
- 00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:30,208 Ugh.
- 00:12:31,460 --> 00:12:33,128 - There it goes. - All right. It's working!
- 00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:34,713 Oh, man, it tastes like that, um --
- 00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:37,132 You know that creamed chipped- beef stuff Chef makes sometimes?
- 00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:39,176 Uh, fellas, I don't feel very good.
- 00:12:39,301 --> 00:12:41,052 Shut up, Butters. This is your own damn fault.
- 00:12:41,178 --> 00:12:43,972 Everything's getting dark. - We got to hurry this up.
- 00:12:44,848 --> 00:12:46,641 Oh, yeah. Keep doing that. That's working good.
- 00:12:46,767 --> 00:12:48,769 - He's losing weight! - Oh! Whoa! Whoa!
- 00:12:48,894 --> 00:12:49,936 It's out of control!
- 00:12:50,061 --> 00:12:52,063 Whoa. Everything's getting sparkly.
- 00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:54,524 Oh, no, dude. Butters' parents are home.
- 00:12:54,649 --> 00:12:55,984 Oh, crap! - Dude, bail.
- 00:12:58,278 --> 00:12:59,780 Butters? Butters?!
- 00:12:59,905 --> 00:13:01,364 Mom, Dad.
- 00:13:01,490 --> 00:13:03,909 Butters, are you having liposuction surgery?
- 00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:04,951 Tell me the truth.
- 00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:06,161 Yes, sir.
- 00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:07,204 This is unbelievable!
- 00:13:07,329 --> 00:13:09,164 How many times have we told you never to have
- 00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,957 self-performed liposuction surgery in our house?
- 00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:12,083 Four times, Mom.
- 00:13:12,209 --> 00:13:13,710 Well, I guess that wasn't enough.
- 00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:15,670 You get up to your room right now, mister.
- 00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:17,839 Yes, sir.
- 00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:23,762 Oh, don't you give us that look, young man.
- 00:13:23,887 --> 00:13:25,138 You're gonna get it!
- 00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,558 Tom, I'm standing out front of the mayor's office,
- 00:13:28,683 --> 00:13:31,311 where the big liar Jared is once again about to speak.
- 00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:34,648 Apparently, Jared hopes to regain his celebrity-hero status
- 00:13:34,773 --> 00:13:37,150 which was lost when he announced that it was AIDS,
- 00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:39,778 not sub sandwiches, that caused him to lose weight.
- 00:13:39,903 --> 00:13:40,821 Let's listen in.
- 00:13:40,946 --> 00:13:43,406 Ladies and gentlemen, a-at first I didn't understand
- 00:13:43,532 --> 00:13:44,574 why you felt betrayed
- 00:13:44,699 --> 00:13:46,993 by the fact that my aides helped me to lose weight.
- 00:13:47,118 --> 00:13:49,246 But now I understand that it's because it isn't fair
- 00:13:49,371 --> 00:13:52,207 that I had aides and most of you don't.
- 00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:55,168 And so with all the money I made from commercials,
- 00:13:55,293 --> 00:13:56,795 I have decided to start
- 00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,172 the Aides for Everyone Foundation!
- 00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:01,675 What?!
- 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:04,010 I am going to personally see to it
- 00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:07,973 that each and every one of you gets aides.
- 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,725 This guy's insane.
- 00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:12,227 But I won't stop there.
- 00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,771 I'm gonna seek out all the underprivileged
- 00:14:14,896 --> 00:14:16,481 and hungry children of the world,
- 00:14:16,606 --> 00:14:19,734 and I'm going to give them aides myself!
- 00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:21,862 You're gonna give children AIDS?
- 00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:24,614 Yes, it is my hope that every beautiful child on this earth
- 00:14:24,739 --> 00:14:26,283 has aides by next month.
- 00:14:26,408 --> 00:14:28,285 Aides for everyone!
- 00:14:30,412 --> 00:14:31,413 Get him!
- 00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:39,254 Come on, Butters. Time to go. - Go where?
- 00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:40,714 To City Wok so we can make our money.
- 00:14:40,839 --> 00:14:42,382 God! - I can't go anywhere, fellas.
- 00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:44,843 I've been grounded for having liposuction surgery.
- 00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:45,635 What?
- 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,220 I told you my parents would be sore.
- 00:14:47,345 --> 00:14:49,389 And they said, for having liposuction surgery,
- 00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:51,349 I can't play outside for five days.
- 00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:53,143 We just need you to come down to City Wok real quick
- 00:14:53,268 --> 00:14:54,686 so they can see how skinny you are.
- 00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:56,855 You guys have already gotten me in Dutch for getting fat,
- 00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:59,482 and then I got in double Dutch for having liposuction.
- 00:14:59,608 --> 00:15:01,610 And now you're asking me to be in triple Dutch?!
- 00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:03,945 Hunh-unh. I'll never be that Dutch.
- 00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:05,614 Kenny would've done it.
- 00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:06,573 Yep.
- 00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:09,075 You guys remember what a cool friend Kenny was?
- 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:10,660 He was always up for helping us out.
- 00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:12,495 Man, he was the best friend ever.
- 00:15:12,621 --> 00:15:13,955 Look, fellas, I can't do it!
- 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,124 My mom and dad call in every hour from work
- 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:17,417 to make sure I'm here.
- 00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:20,462 If I don't answer the phone, they'll know I'm up to no good.
- 00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,756 All right. I'll stay here and answer the phone for you.
- 00:15:22,881 --> 00:15:24,215 B-But you don't sound like me.
- 00:15:24,341 --> 00:15:25,800 But you don't sound like me.
- 00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:27,677 My name is Butters, and I'm a little pussy
- 00:15:27,802 --> 00:15:29,512 who won't help his friends make money.
- 00:15:29,638 --> 00:15:30,764 Wow. That was pretty good.
- 00:15:30,889 --> 00:15:32,015 All right. It's settled. Come on, Butters.
- 00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:35,644 Don't forget, a third of that $4 million is mine.
- 00:15:36,478 --> 00:15:37,854 Ahh.
- 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,233 Ahh.
- 00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:46,738 Uh, hello?
- 00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:48,490 I'm just checking in on you, Butters.
- 00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,033 He-- Do I hear the television?
- 00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:52,369 We told you no television while you're grounded.
- 00:15:52,494 --> 00:15:54,579 Oh, gee whiz. I'm not w-watching television, Dad.
- 00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:56,247 I'm just laying around jackin' it.
- 00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:57,832 Jacking it? Jacking what?
- 00:15:57,958 --> 00:15:59,834 Well, my hot, spicy boner, of course, Dad.
- 00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:03,088 What?! Are you trying to get in more trouble with that language?
- 00:16:03,213 --> 00:16:05,507 Aw, loosen up, you bloody vaginal belch.
- 00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:06,967 Oh! You are gonna get it, mister!
- 00:16:07,092 --> 00:16:08,426 You just wait till I get home!
- 00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:10,136 Bring it on, queer bait.
- 00:16:10,261 --> 00:16:12,555 Ahh. Yes.
- 00:16:12,681 --> 00:16:15,225 I tell my girlfriend I have aides, and she leaves!
- 00:16:15,350 --> 00:16:18,144 I tell the world to get aides, and they think I'm crazy!
- 00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:21,398 I offer to give aides to kids, and everyone wants me dead!
- 00:16:21,523 --> 00:16:23,024 What's wrong with aides?!
- 00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:26,444 Why doesn't anyone want me to give them aides?!
- 00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,907 There he is, beating that dead horse!
- 00:16:31,032 --> 00:16:32,784 Get him!
- 00:16:32,909 --> 00:16:34,244 Aah!
- 00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:37,789 Welcome to Chitty Wok. Take order, please.
- 00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:38,790 We have great news!
- 00:16:38,915 --> 00:16:40,917 Our friend lost 40 pounds eating your City Wok food.
- 00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:43,003 Here's the before-and-after photos.
- 00:16:43,128 --> 00:16:45,005 He lose weight eating Chitty Wok?
- 00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:47,298 That's right, so you can pay us to use him in your commercials,
- 00:16:47,424 --> 00:16:48,967 and you'll have your very own Jared.
- 00:16:49,092 --> 00:16:50,260 Oh, no. No way.
- 00:16:50,385 --> 00:16:53,179 I not putting no Jared in my Chitty Wok commercial.
- 00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:54,931 Why not? - Don't you know?
- 00:16:55,056 --> 00:16:56,141 Everybody hate Jared.
- 00:16:56,266 --> 00:16:58,268 He want everyone in world to have AIDS.
- 00:16:58,393 --> 00:17:00,270 He sick in the head. - What?
- 00:17:00,395 --> 00:17:02,105 I no want Chitty Wok have nothing to do
- 00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:03,231 with Jared and his AIDS.
- 00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:04,816 Wait. Everyone hates Jared now?
- 00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:06,317 Yeah. They -- They gonna kill him.
- 00:17:06,443 --> 00:17:08,445 They're gonna kill Jared downtown right now.
- 00:17:08,570 --> 00:17:11,322 Oh, come on, guys. We got to sort this out.
- 00:17:11,448 --> 00:17:12,532 Here's some anthrax for ya.
- 00:17:12,657 --> 00:17:15,118 Oh, no!
- 00:17:16,327 --> 00:17:18,538 Phillip, your anthrax has given me colon cancer!
- 00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:19,998 <i>Your</i> anthrax has given <i>m e</i> colon cancer!
- 00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:20,999 Hello.
- 00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:24,544 Butters, your father called and said you made him very upset.
- 00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:26,463 Yeah. Well, Dad's being a little pussy, Mom.
- 00:17:26,588 --> 00:17:29,591 Butters! Where did you get that kind of smart mouth?
- 00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,342 Not from you dumb-asses. That's for sure.
- 00:17:31,468 --> 00:17:33,928 Oh! You just wait till I get home, mister!
- 00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:37,474 I'll be waiting with bells on, you old horse-bangin' skank.
- 00:17:37,599 --> 00:17:38,558 Ahh.
- 00:17:38,683 --> 00:17:40,685 Hey! That's some anthrax over there!
- 00:17:48,485 --> 00:17:50,487 Why did I ever do those stupid commercials?
- 00:17:50,612 --> 00:17:52,405 All right, Jared, you sick pervert.
- 00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:54,657 Do you have anything to say before you die?
- 00:17:54,783 --> 00:17:57,285 Wait! You're all making a mistake!
- 00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,621 Stay back, children! Jared wants to give you AIDS!
- 00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:02,373 No! You don't understand. Jared doesn't have <i>AIDS</i> AIDS.
- 00:18:02,499 --> 00:18:04,250 He has assistants -- two guys
- 00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:06,503 that help him lose weight that he calls his "aides."
- 00:18:06,628 --> 00:18:07,921 Hmm? - Oh.
- 00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:11,007 You mean Jared's aides are like my aides?
- 00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:12,258 Yes!
- 00:18:12,383 --> 00:18:14,302 Y-You mean you all thought...
- 00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:15,929 Oh, my gosh!
- 00:18:16,054 --> 00:18:17,764 Oh, boy, do I feel stupid.
- 00:18:17,889 --> 00:18:19,557 Oh, we're so sorry, Jared.
- 00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:21,935 No, no. I-It was my fault. I can't believe I-I --
- 00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:24,229 I didn't even think of what I was saying.
- 00:18:24,354 --> 00:18:27,190 So he was saying children should have help like he had.
- 00:18:27,315 --> 00:18:28,483 Yeah!
- 00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:31,986 This has got to be about the biggest misunderstanding ever!
- 00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:34,489 Oh, my God!
- 00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:37,075 I told my girlfriend I wanted her to share my aides!
- 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,202 Oh, no wonder she left!
- 00:18:41,079 --> 00:18:43,039 Can -- Can you imagine what we thought
- 00:18:43,164 --> 00:18:45,458 when you said "Aides for Everyone Foundation"?
- 00:18:46,501 --> 00:18:48,586 Oh, brother!
- 00:18:48,711 --> 00:18:51,589 H-Hey. We're all laughing.
- 00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:56,010 Oh, hey, yeah. We -- We would've never laughed about this before.
- 00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:58,138 Well, don't you see what this means?
- 00:18:58,263 --> 00:19:03,226 It's been 22.3 years, so... AIDS is finally funny!
- 00:19:05,019 --> 00:19:06,604 He's right. It's happened.
- 00:19:06,729 --> 00:19:09,649 Hey, everybody! AIDS is finally funny!
- 00:19:09,774 --> 00:19:10,567 All right!
- 00:19:10,692 --> 00:19:12,861 Whoo-hoo! - Hooray!
- 00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:15,613 I knew it would be funny one day!
- 00:19:15,738 --> 00:19:17,407 AIDS!
- 00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:19,868 Then it's time. We can undo the banner.
- 00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:21,161 Ooh!
- 00:19:21,286 --> 00:19:22,328 Oh!
- 00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:30,170 Tom, I'm standing in the town square,
- 00:19:30,295 --> 00:19:32,088 where just moments ago it was declared
- 00:19:32,213 --> 00:19:34,299 that AIDS can finally be joked about.
- 00:19:34,424 --> 00:19:36,301 What a great day for humanity.
- 00:19:36,426 --> 00:19:38,094 AIDS quilt.
- 00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:40,555 Oh, boy, this fantastic.
- 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,432 I so glad AIDS is funny now.
- 00:19:42,557 --> 00:19:45,059 Okay. So now do you want to use our friend in your commercials?
- 00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:47,437 Sure. Okay. I pay you 15 dollar.
- 00:19:47,562 --> 00:19:50,106 15 dollar? But Jared got millions.
- 00:19:50,231 --> 00:19:51,941 Hey, I not Subway. I Chitty Wok.
- 00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:53,860 Chitty Wok don't have million dollar.
- 00:19:53,985 --> 00:19:55,570 Oh, God damn it!
- 00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:57,071 Just forget the whole thing, then!
- 00:19:57,197 --> 00:19:57,947 Okay.
- 00:19:58,072 --> 00:20:00,283 Hey, you kids know why chicken cross the road?
- 00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:01,993 Why? - 'Cause it had AIDS.
- 00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:05,997 AIDS so funny.
- 00:20:06,122 --> 00:20:07,332 Well, so much for our money.
- 00:20:07,457 --> 00:20:09,542 Yeah, but you know, I've learned something today.
- 00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:11,836 It would've been wrong for us to exploit Butters' weight loss
- 00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:13,671 because lots of fat people would've believed it
- 00:20:13,796 --> 00:20:16,341 and eaten a ton of Chinese food instead of dieting properly.
- 00:20:16,466 --> 00:20:17,383 They'd still be fat,
- 00:20:17,508 --> 00:20:19,385 and we'd be responsible for their shattered dreams.
- 00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:21,930 Yeah. I don't like shattering fat peoples' dreams.
- 00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:23,348 Besides, I'd get grounded.
- 00:20:23,473 --> 00:20:26,559 Oh, Jesus! I'm supposed to be grounded!
- 00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:29,187 There you are, Butters!
- 00:20:29,312 --> 00:20:30,772 Are my mom and dad back home yet?
- 00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:32,815 No, but they're due any minute. C'mon, you're just in time!
- 00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:33,650 Oh, boy!
- 00:20:33,775 --> 00:20:36,486 Mom and Dad didn't find out I left the house, did they?
- 00:20:36,611 --> 00:20:37,695 No. I totally covered for you.
- 00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:39,280 They completely believed I was you on the phone.
- 00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:40,573 Oh, g-goody!
- 00:20:40,698 --> 00:20:41,908 I drew some pictures with crayon
- 00:20:42,033 --> 00:20:43,201 so it looked like you were here all day.
- 00:20:43,326 --> 00:20:44,619 I ate a little food so it looked like you ate.
- 00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,162 And I fed your cat. - Perfect.
- 00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:48,706 I'd better get out of here before they get back.
- 00:20:48,831 --> 00:20:50,583 Hey, Eric?
- 00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:53,419 Thanks for covering for me. You're a real pal.
- 00:20:53,544 --> 00:20:56,256 Butters, it was my pleasure.
- 00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:17,819 Hi, Mom and Dad!
- 00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:20,571 Don't you "Hi, Mom and Dad" us, you little punk!
- 00:21:20,697 --> 00:21:21,739 Ow! Dad!
- 00:21:21,864 --> 00:21:24,367 You don't even know the trouble you're in!
- 00:21:24,492 --> 00:21:25,743 What'd I do?! What'd I do?!
- 00:21:25,868 --> 00:21:27,203 Do you think you're tough now?!
- 00:21:27,328 --> 00:21:29,038 Answer me! - Aah!
- 00:21:29,163 --> 00:21:30,373 Oh, man, if I was older,
- 00:21:30,498 --> 00:21:33,042 I would totally start jacking off right now.
- 00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:11,929 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:14,140 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:00:14,265 --> 00:00:15,641 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:18,602 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,021 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:00:20,146 --> 00:00:22,064 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
- 00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:25,317 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:00:25,443 --> 00:00:27,153 ♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪
- 00:00:27,278 --> 00:00:29,030 ♪ Timmy, Timmy, liv-a-la, Timmy! ♪
- 00:00:29,155 --> 00:00:32,575 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:00:35,077 --> 00:00:37,496 [ Laughter ]
- 00:00:37,621 --> 00:00:38,914 Shut up, you guys. Shut up, you guys.
- 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:40,833 [ Telephone ringing ]
- 00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:42,710 [ Chinese accent ] Hello, Chitty Wok.
- 00:00:42,835 --> 00:00:43,753 Take order, please.
- 00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:46,005 [ Laughter ] Hello, is this City Wok?
- 00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:47,590 Yes, this Chitty Wok.
- 00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:48,591 [ Laughter ]
- 00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:50,551 Yes, we'd like one order of the city beef.
- 00:00:50,676 --> 00:00:51,761 Chitty beef.
- 00:00:51,886 --> 00:00:52,803 [ Laughter ]
- 00:00:52,928 --> 00:00:54,263 And I'll have the city chicken.
- 00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:55,514 Chitty chicken.
- 00:00:55,639 --> 00:00:57,266 [ Laughter ]
- 00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:58,267 Oh, dude, look.
- 00:00:58,392 --> 00:00:59,977 It's that commercial with the guy that lost 400 pounds
- 00:01:00,102 --> 00:01:01,187 eating at Subway sandwiches.
- 00:01:01,312 --> 00:01:02,438 [ Mid-tempo blues plays ]
- 00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,565 MAN: ♪ He's still looking good ♪
- 00:01:04,690 --> 00:01:07,193 ♪ His name is Jared ♪
- 00:01:07,318 --> 00:01:08,569 ♪ His name is Jared ♪
- 00:01:08,694 --> 00:01:11,405 ♪ And he likes to eat the sandwiches ♪
- 00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:12,406 Hey, fellas.
- 00:01:12,531 --> 00:01:13,491 Hey, Kenny.
- 00:01:13,616 --> 00:01:15,743 Now, gosh darn it, my name's not Kenny.
- 00:01:15,868 --> 00:01:16,702 Kenny's dead,
- 00:01:16,827 --> 00:01:18,496 and you're all gonna have to learn to deal with that.
- 00:01:18,621 --> 00:01:19,580 Okay, not-Kenny.
- 00:01:19,705 --> 00:01:20,873 MAN: Hey, South Park!
- 00:01:20,998 --> 00:01:23,292 You can meet Jared in person, March 6th,
- 00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,878 at the Kenny McCormick Memorial Town Square.
- 00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:27,963 Oh, boy! Jared's coming to town!
- 00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:29,340 Dude, that's today!
- 00:01:29,465 --> 00:01:31,217 We got to get down there. Come on, not-Kenny.
- 00:01:31,342 --> 00:01:33,511 Now, gosh darn it, my name's not not-Kenny.
- 00:01:33,636 --> 00:01:34,887 Okay. Come on, not not-Kenny.
- 00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:37,306 Oh, I-I'm getting steamed now!
- 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:38,724 MAN: Hello?! Chitty Wok!
- 00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:40,935 Chitty Wok! Take order, please!
- 00:01:43,562 --> 00:01:45,481 Excuse me. Can we get through here?
- 00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:48,317 Hell, no! I've been saving this spot for six hours.
- 00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:50,778 ♪ His name is Garrison, Mr. Garrison ♪
- 00:01:50,903 --> 00:01:52,905 ♪ He lost 10 pounds taking Jared's lead ♪
- 00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:54,615 Here he comes! [ Cheers and applause ]
- 00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:57,451 MAN: ♪ He's still looking good ♪
- 00:01:57,576 --> 00:02:00,496 ♪ With all those s-sandwiches ♪
- 00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,915 [ Crowd cheering ]
- 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:04,250 Thank you all so much.
- 00:02:04,375 --> 00:02:07,545 You know, after a year of eating delicious sub sandwiches,
- 00:02:07,670 --> 00:02:09,505 I've proven weight loss is easy!
- 00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:11,173 [ Cheers and applause ]
- 00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:14,135 And I promise you I will always be your faithful leader
- 00:02:14,260 --> 00:02:15,386 in easy weight loss.
- 00:02:15,511 --> 00:02:16,512 All right! - Yeah!
- 00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:19,348 That guy ate all the sandwiches he wanted and lost weight.
- 00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:21,225 He is so cool.
- 00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:24,603 [ Knock on door ] Mr. Fogle?
- 00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:26,689 Some fans wanted to see if you'd sign their sandwich.
- 00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:28,732 Sure. Let them in.
- 00:02:28,858 --> 00:02:29,859 Hi, kids.
- 00:02:29,984 --> 00:02:30,860 Wow! It's Jared.
- 00:02:30,985 --> 00:02:32,486 Dude, did you really lose all that weight
- 00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:33,863 eating nothing but sub sandwiches?
- 00:02:33,988 --> 00:02:35,114 I sure did.
- 00:02:35,239 --> 00:02:37,992 And -- W-Well, I-I also had a little help on the side.
- 00:02:38,117 --> 00:02:38,826 What kind of help?
- 00:02:38,951 --> 00:02:41,162 Well, eating sub sandwiches was a big part of it.
- 00:02:41,287 --> 00:02:43,289 But the way that I lost so much weight
- 00:02:43,414 --> 00:02:45,499 was that I got aides.
- 00:02:46,083 --> 00:02:48,043 A-AIDS? - That's right.
- 00:02:48,169 --> 00:02:49,503 I got aides about two years ago,
- 00:02:49,628 --> 00:02:51,172 and I've been losing weight ever since.
- 00:02:51,297 --> 00:02:53,883 It's amazing how slim you can get with aides.
- 00:02:54,008 --> 00:02:55,843 I'll bet you can. - Would you like to meet them?
- 00:02:55,968 --> 00:02:57,511 Them? - My aides.
- 00:02:57,636 --> 00:02:58,762 Scott! Tyler!
- 00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:02,016 Scott is my personal trainer, and Tyler is my dietitian.
- 00:03:02,141 --> 00:03:03,100 [ Both ] Hello!
- 00:03:03,225 --> 00:03:05,436 Oh! A-I-D-E-S aides.
- 00:03:05,561 --> 00:03:07,688 Yeah. Hooray for aides!
- 00:03:07,813 --> 00:03:09,440 That's not really what you say in the commercial.
- 00:03:09,565 --> 00:03:12,193 I know. You kind of have to read the fine print at the bottom.
- 00:03:12,318 --> 00:03:14,778 It says I only ate a half-size lean turkey sandwich
- 00:03:14,904 --> 00:03:16,530 with no mustard or mayo or anything like that
- 00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:18,574 and then had proper diet and exercise aides.
- 00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:19,700 But you're lying to people.
- 00:03:19,825 --> 00:03:22,453 If they knew you didn't just eat all the sandwiches you want,
- 00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:23,746 you might not be so popular.
- 00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:26,081 Y-You think so? Well, why should it matter?
- 00:03:26,207 --> 00:03:27,708 It matters, dude.
- 00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:29,251 Hmm.
- 00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:31,837 That penis butt didn't lose weight eating sub sandwiches.
- 00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:34,298 He lost weight because he ate less of them and exercised.
- 00:03:34,423 --> 00:03:36,091 It's only in America somebody can become famous
- 00:03:36,217 --> 00:03:37,509 because they go from being a big fat ass
- 00:03:37,635 --> 00:03:38,761 to not being a big fat ass.
- 00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:40,512 Oh, my God, you guys.
- 00:03:40,638 --> 00:03:42,348 I think I'm having a genius moment.
- 00:03:42,473 --> 00:03:44,183 Yes. Yes!
- 00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:45,601 It's coming to me now.
- 00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:46,727 That -- That's diarrhea.
- 00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:48,854 No. Don't you see what this all means?
- 00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:50,272 Anybody could do what he did.
- 00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,691 What's to stop someone else from going to say, City Wok,
- 00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,109 and cutting a deal with them --
- 00:03:54,235 --> 00:03:56,320 say they'll eat nothing but their Chinese food,
- 00:03:56,445 --> 00:03:59,448 but then eat only a little tiny bit of it and exercise?
- 00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,784 Then City Wok could say their food makes you lose weight.
- 00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:04,036 That's right, Stan. It's a cash cow, I tell you.
- 00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:05,162 That's a great idea!
- 00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:06,372 Lose weight and make money.
- 00:04:06,497 --> 00:04:08,165 I tell you, this is gonna be the greatest thing
- 00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:09,333 that Butters has ever done.
- 00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:10,626 Me?!
- 00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:12,878 Who do you think I'm talking about, Butters -- Joyce Dewitt?
- 00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:15,464 Oh, no. I thought you meant you. Y-You're the fat one.
- 00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,049 I can't lose weight, Butters, because I'm not fat.
- 00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:18,092 I'm big-boned.
- 00:04:18,217 --> 00:04:20,010 You can't slim down bones, stupid.
- 00:04:20,135 --> 00:04:21,428 But Butters isn't fat.
- 00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:22,638 That's my whole point.
- 00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:23,722 First we fatten him up.
- 00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:25,516 Then we make the deal with City Wok.
- 00:04:25,641 --> 00:04:27,685 Then take the weight back off. - He's right.
- 00:04:27,810 --> 00:04:28,852 If Butters is naturally skinny,
- 00:04:28,978 --> 00:04:30,354 he'll be able to take the weight off faster.
- 00:04:30,479 --> 00:04:33,065 But, fellas, if I get fat, my parents will ground me.
- 00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:34,900 Oh, come on! Just think about how famous you'll be.
- 00:04:35,025 --> 00:04:35,901 You mean like Jared?
- 00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:37,236 Yeah, dude! You'll be just like Jared!
- 00:04:37,361 --> 00:04:39,780 Well, the heck with that! You said Jared was a "penis butt".
- 00:04:39,905 --> 00:04:41,824 You wouldn't be a penis butt. You'd be famous.
- 00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:43,617 Just think about all those people following you around,
- 00:04:43,742 --> 00:04:45,619 singing songs to you just 'cause you lost some weight.
- 00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:46,912 ♪ His name is Butters ♪
- 00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:48,038 ♪ It's Butters ♪
- 00:04:48,163 --> 00:04:49,748 ♪ Used to be fat but not no more ♪
- 00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:51,625 ♪ City Wok brought him down to a size 4 ♪
- 00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:53,419 ♪ Now he's got lots of moneys and girls ♪
- 00:04:53,544 --> 00:04:56,297 ♪ And a lifetime of free food at City Wok ♪
- 00:04:56,422 --> 00:04:57,673 Wow.
- 00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:01,135 Christine, you know I love you very much,
- 00:05:01,260 --> 00:05:02,845 and I-I can't wait for the wedding.
- 00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:05,681 I love you, too, Jared. You changed my whole life.
- 00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:08,058 ♪ Her name is Jonas, Christine Jonas ♪
- 00:05:08,183 --> 00:05:09,685 ♪ She lost 40 pounds when she met Jared and -- ♪
- 00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:10,936 I-I know, I know.
- 00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:13,314 But, uh, some young boys were talking to me earlier,
- 00:05:13,439 --> 00:05:14,523 and they made me think
- 00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,942 that people might not be so proud of my weight loss
- 00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:18,360 if they knew something.
- 00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:19,987 Jared, what's this all about?
- 00:05:20,112 --> 00:05:22,406 Christine, this probably isn't gonna matter to you at all,
- 00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:24,158 but...I have aides.
- 00:05:24,283 --> 00:05:25,075 What?!
- 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,368 Yeah, I have aides.
- 00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:28,871 I've had aides since before we were together.
- 00:05:30,873 --> 00:05:32,875 What -- What are you thinking? Are you bummed?
- 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,126 Am I bummed?!
- 00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:36,420 You've had AIDS all this time, and you knew it?
- 00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:37,546 Well, of course I knew it.
- 00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:38,964 Why the hell wouldn't you tell me?
- 00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:40,549 I didn't think it was that big of a deal.
- 00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:43,260 Not that big of a deal?! I slept with you!
- 00:05:43,385 --> 00:05:44,511 Aren't you overreacting a little bit?
- 00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:46,555 But Jesus Christ! we're supposed to get married!
- 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,474 We can still get married, Christine.
- 00:05:48,599 --> 00:05:49,850 Sure, they're my aides now,
- 00:05:49,975 --> 00:05:52,269 but after we get married, they'll be <i>our</i> aides.
- 00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:53,354 [ Sobs ]
- 00:05:53,479 --> 00:05:55,522 You'll love having aides, Christine, you really will.
- 00:05:55,647 --> 00:05:57,566 And when we have children, they'll have aides.
- 00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:58,942 It'll make things so simple.
- 00:05:59,068 --> 00:06:01,070 [ Sobbing ] - Christine!
- 00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:05,741 Geez. Those boys were right. People really don't like aides.
- 00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,409 I'd better tell everyone the truth.
- 00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:09,161 [ Bell rings ]
- 00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:10,621 Hello, there, children.
- 00:06:10,746 --> 00:06:12,748 Chef, we need Butters to gain about 50 pounds, fast.
- 00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:14,041 Fifty pounds? Why?
- 00:06:14,166 --> 00:06:15,959 Uh, school project.
- 00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:19,004 Well, if you want him to get really fat as fast as possible,
- 00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:20,923 one of you will have to marry him.
- 00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:21,924 Marry him?
- 00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:24,218 It definitely worked for every woman I ever met.
- 00:06:24,343 --> 00:06:26,345 Oh, no, no, no! I ain't getting married.
- 00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:27,513 My parents will ground me.
- 00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:29,348 Yeah. None of us want to marry Butters.
- 00:06:29,473 --> 00:06:31,141 Well, how come? What's wrong with me?
- 00:06:31,266 --> 00:06:33,060 I guess we're gonna do this the old-fashioned way.
- 00:06:33,185 --> 00:06:34,937 Come on back, children.
- 00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:40,275 [ Groans ] I can't eat no more.
- 00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:42,361 You have to. Here. Have some more mayonnaise.
- 00:06:43,404 --> 00:06:44,488 Chef, we need more food.
- 00:06:44,613 --> 00:06:46,156 I'm running out, children.
- 00:06:47,950 --> 00:06:48,867 Damn it, Butters, keep eating,
- 00:06:48,992 --> 00:06:50,953 or else I'll kick your ass till you're deader than Kenny!
- 00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:51,787 Dude, that isn't cool.
- 00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,247 You shouldn't joke about Kenny being dead.
- 00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:54,415 Enough time hasn't passed.
- 00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:55,749 So how long until we can joke about it?
- 00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:56,917 22.3 years.
- 00:06:57,042 --> 00:06:58,419 That's how long it takes for something tragic
- 00:06:58,544 --> 00:06:59,503 to become funny.
- 00:06:59,628 --> 00:07:00,796 That's a long time to wait.
- 00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:02,256 I can't eat no more.
- 00:07:02,381 --> 00:07:04,341 I-I just keep puking it up.
- 00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:06,176 Then eat your puke. - No!
- 00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:08,720 Oh, come on. Japanese girls do it.
- 00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:13,767 Ladies and gentlemen, we at Subway are happy to inform you
- 00:07:13,892 --> 00:07:16,603 that Jared has elected to stay in South Park
- 00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:18,647 in order to speak to you once again!
- 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:19,815 [ Cheering ]
- 00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,942 He's going to speak to us once again!
- 00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:24,653 So here he is -- Jared!
- 00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:27,406 MAN: ♪ He's still looking good ♪
- 00:07:27,531 --> 00:07:30,993 ♪ Eating them sandwiches all the time ♪
- 00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:32,786 Thank you. Thank you all.
- 00:07:32,911 --> 00:07:36,707 Subway is a healthy way to eat fast food and lose weight!
- 00:07:36,832 --> 00:07:37,958 All right! - [ Crowd cheering ]
- 00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:41,545 But I feel like I need to come a little clean
- 00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:43,714 about something.
- 00:07:43,839 --> 00:07:47,217 It wasn't <i>just</i> Subway sandwiches that made me thin.
- 00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:47,968 Huh?
- 00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:50,804 The reason I was able to lose so much weight so quickly
- 00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:53,348 was that I got aides.
- 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:56,477 Huh? - Did he say "AIDS"?
- 00:07:56,602 --> 00:07:58,979 But I still want to be the leader in a thinner America,
- 00:07:59,104 --> 00:08:00,230 and so I'm here to tell you
- 00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:02,816 that you should all go out and get aides!
- 00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:04,818 Oh, my God. - Is he serious?
- 00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:06,820 Having aides is awesome!
- 00:08:06,945 --> 00:08:09,823 With aides, you can literally watch the fat melt away.
- 00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:13,118 And with the proper mix of aides and Subway sandwiches,
- 00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:14,995 anything is possible.
- 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:17,956 Uh, the opinions expressed by Mr. Fogle
- 00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:20,667 are not necessarily those of the Subway company.
- 00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:26,590 Wow! He looks great!
- 00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:27,674 How do you feel, Butters?
- 00:08:27,799 --> 00:08:29,551 Well, k-kind of like Cartman.
- 00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:31,094 Aah! - Get ahold of yourself, man.
- 00:08:31,220 --> 00:08:33,305 All right. Now it's time for phase two.
- 00:08:35,641 --> 00:08:36,725 Welcome to Chitty Wok.
- 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:39,102 You like to try chitty chicken today?
- 00:08:39,228 --> 00:08:42,064 Sir, we have come to offer you the business deal of a lifetime.
- 00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:44,107 You want the chitty beef?
- 00:08:44,233 --> 00:08:46,485 No. We want to show the world how healthy your food is.
- 00:08:46,610 --> 00:08:48,362 Our fat friend here is going to lose 40 pounds
- 00:08:48,487 --> 00:08:49,655 eating at Chitty Wok.
- 00:08:49,780 --> 00:08:51,532 Which one? I see two fat friend.
- 00:08:51,657 --> 00:08:52,616 The fat one.
- 00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:54,117 We're gonna take before-and-after photos,
- 00:08:54,243 --> 00:08:55,869 and when he gets skinny from eating your food,
- 00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:57,412 we'll show the world.
- 00:08:58,413 --> 00:08:59,289 Why?
- 00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:02,209 Because then you can pay us to use our friend in commercials.
- 00:09:02,334 --> 00:09:04,044 Oh, you mean like Jared?
- 00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:05,337 Just like Jared.
- 00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:07,506 ♪ His name is Jared, he lose some weight ♪
- 00:09:07,631 --> 00:09:09,466 ♪ Chitty Wok food sure is great ♪
- 00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:10,801 Yeah. Okay. That sound good.
- 00:09:10,926 --> 00:09:12,844 So, if he lose weight eating Chitty Wok,
- 00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:14,846 I pay you to use him in commercial.
- 00:09:14,972 --> 00:09:15,764 ALL: All right!
- 00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:18,267 Sir, we are in business.
- 00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:20,477 Jared, first of all,
- 00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:22,145 we want to say that all of us here at Subway
- 00:09:22,271 --> 00:09:24,314 appreciate everything you've done for our company.
- 00:09:24,439 --> 00:09:25,691 Well, I appreciate your company
- 00:09:25,816 --> 00:09:27,150 doing everything it's done for <i>m e.</i>
- 00:09:27,276 --> 00:09:30,028 Yes, well, it is now the opinion of all of us
- 00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:32,698 that perhaps it would be best for you to take your...
- 00:09:32,823 --> 00:09:36,577 <i>strange</i> theories on weight loss elsewhere.
- 00:09:36,702 --> 00:09:39,621 [ Down-tempo music plays ] Excuse me...
- 00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,456 ...am I being fired?
- 00:09:41,582 --> 00:09:44,042 Jared, it's just that your new take on weight loss
- 00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:46,461 is contrary to our commitment to good health.
- 00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:47,504 How so?
- 00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:49,548 Well, your new slogan, for instance.
- 00:09:49,673 --> 00:09:51,967 [ Clears throat ] "When it comes to fitness,
- 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:54,803 Subway goes hand in hand with AIDS."
- 00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:56,972 Uh-huh.
- 00:09:57,097 --> 00:10:00,559 [ Tune of "Streets of Philadelphia" plays ]
- 00:10:00,684 --> 00:10:02,436 MAN: ♪ Name is Jared ♪
- 00:10:02,561 --> 00:10:05,063 ♪ He's Jared, lost weight eating Subway ♪
- 00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:06,732 ♪ Now he's cold and alone ♪
- 00:10:06,857 --> 00:10:09,526 ♪ No one to -- place to call his home ♪
- 00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:12,029 ♪ He likes sandwiches with Philadelphia ♪
- 00:10:12,154 --> 00:10:14,364 ♪ cream cheese ♪
- 00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:16,742 Come on, Butters! You got to get skinny again!
- 00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:18,910 You are such a flabby hunk of crap!
- 00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:21,955 Look at those jelly rolls! Jelly rolls, I tell ya!
- 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:23,582 You still got seven chins, boy!
- 00:10:23,707 --> 00:10:25,709 You'll never be thin! Nobody loves you!
- 00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:27,127 Hey, now. They do, too.
- 00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:29,713 My mom and dad love me even if I am fat.
- 00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:31,965 Butters, I'm just trying to offer some motivational help.
- 00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:34,051 All right, then. - Row, you fat bitch!
- 00:10:34,176 --> 00:10:36,386 Look at them jelly rolls! Nobody loves you!
- 00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:37,888 You're not even a person!
- 00:10:38,013 --> 00:10:39,222 [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- 00:10:39,348 --> 00:10:42,225 I never asked to be famous. Now everyone hates me!
- 00:10:42,351 --> 00:10:44,770 I almost wish I had never gotten aides!
- 00:10:44,895 --> 00:10:47,356 Hey. Now, come on. What kind of talk is that?
- 00:10:47,481 --> 00:10:48,774 I'm sorry, guys, but I --
- 00:10:48,899 --> 00:10:51,443 I think I want to be aides-free for a while.
- 00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:54,071 Come on, Jared. Lighten up. People don't hate you.
- 00:10:54,196 --> 00:10:55,614 Maybe they're all just jealous
- 00:10:55,739 --> 00:10:58,075 that they can't afford to hire their own aides.
- 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,327 Wait a minute. You're right!
- 00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:01,828 Yeah!
- 00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:04,748 I think I know how to be a celebrity again!
- 00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:07,709 Did you bring the camera? - Yeah. we're all set.
- 00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:09,211 Guys, I think this might be a good time
- 00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:11,171 to discuss some business. - What do you mean?
- 00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:13,131 Well, when City Wok sees how skinny Butters is,
- 00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:15,050 they're not gonna want him to just make one commercial.
- 00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,259 They're gonna want several. - That's true.
- 00:11:16,385 --> 00:11:18,345 Jared did like a hundred for Subway sandwiches.
- 00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:19,805 I think we're looking at a nonexclusive,
- 00:11:19,930 --> 00:11:21,306 two-year, 50-picture deal here.
- 00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:24,351 My calculations put that at about $4 million.
- 00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:25,268 Wow!
- 00:11:25,394 --> 00:11:27,270 I think the $4 million should be split evenly
- 00:11:27,396 --> 00:11:28,397 among the three of us,
- 00:11:28,522 --> 00:11:31,066 except that I should get a 20% per negation fee off the gross
- 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,234 for having come up with the idea.
- 00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,027 Butters, what the hell are you doing?!
- 00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:34,945 Yeah! You're still fat!
- 00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:36,780 I know. I-I can't seem to lose it.
- 00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:38,699 But we're supposed to shoot your commercial for City Wok today,
- 00:11:38,824 --> 00:11:39,783 you fat piece of crap!
- 00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:41,201 I don't know what to tell you.
- 00:11:41,326 --> 00:11:43,036 Losing weight is harder than putting it on.
- 00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:45,038 No, it isn't, stupid blubber butt!
- 00:11:45,163 --> 00:11:47,708 Did you eat only one ounce of City Wok a day like we told you?
- 00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:49,626 Well, yeah, but I-I don't know.
- 00:11:49,751 --> 00:11:51,002 Why are you doing this to us?
- 00:11:52,671 --> 00:11:54,506 STAN: All prepared for liposuction surgery?
- 00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:55,507 CARTMAN: Check.
- 00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:57,050 I don't know about this, fellas.
- 00:11:57,175 --> 00:11:59,344 You're the one that screwed us by not losing weight, Butters.
- 00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:01,012 It says here, "The operation begins
- 00:12:01,138 --> 00:12:03,098 with a one-inch incision in the abdomen
- 00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:05,267 on the left side, just above the hip."
- 00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:07,477 Ah, so that's right about, uh, here.
- 00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:09,354 Oh! - Stop your bitching, Butters!
- 00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:11,064 God! Kenny would've took it like a man!
- 00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:12,649 Now put one end of the tube
- 00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:14,484 a half an inch into the incision.
- 00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:15,402 All righty.
- 00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:17,779 Whoa. I think this is a bad idea, fellas.
- 00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:19,030 I feel woozy.
- 00:12:19,156 --> 00:12:20,073 I think it's in.
- 00:12:20,198 --> 00:12:21,658 "The liposuction is a process
- 00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:24,494 of siphoning out the excess fat."
- 00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:29,207 [ Slurping ]
- 00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:30,208 Ugh. [ Grunts ]
- 00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:31,334 [ Moans ]
- 00:12:31,460 --> 00:12:33,128 - There it goes. - All right. It's working!
- 00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:34,713 Oh, man, it tastes like that, um --
- 00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:37,132 You know that creamed chipped- beef stuff Chef makes sometimes?
- 00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:39,176 Uh, fellas, I don't feel very good.
- 00:12:39,301 --> 00:12:41,052 Shut up, Butters. This is your own damn fault.
- 00:12:41,178 --> 00:12:43,972 Everything's getting dark. - We got to hurry this up.
- 00:12:44,848 --> 00:12:46,641 Oh, yeah. Keep doing that. That's working good.
- 00:12:46,767 --> 00:12:48,769 - He's losing weight! - Oh! Whoa! Whoa!
- 00:12:48,894 --> 00:12:49,936 It's out of control!
- 00:12:50,061 --> 00:12:52,063 Whoa. Everything's getting sparkly.
- 00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:54,524 Oh, no, dude. Butters' parents are home.
- 00:12:54,649 --> 00:12:55,984 Oh, crap! - Dude, bail.
- 00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:58,153 [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:12:58,278 --> 00:12:59,780 Butters? Butters?!
- 00:12:59,905 --> 00:13:01,364 Mom, Dad.
- 00:13:01,490 --> 00:13:03,909 Butters, are you having liposuction surgery?
- 00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:04,951 Tell me the truth.
- 00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:06,161 Yes, sir.
- 00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:07,204 This is unbelievable!
- 00:13:07,329 --> 00:13:09,164 How many times have we told you never to have
- 00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,957 self-performed liposuction surgery in our house?
- 00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:12,083 Four times, Mom.
- 00:13:12,209 --> 00:13:13,710 Well, I guess that wasn't enough.
- 00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:15,670 You get up to your room right now, mister.
- 00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:17,839 Yes, sir.
- 00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,758 [ Grunts ]
- 00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:23,762 Oh, don't you give us that look, young man.
- 00:13:23,887 --> 00:13:25,138 You're gonna get it!
- 00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,558 Tom, I'm standing out front of the mayor's office,
- 00:13:28,683 --> 00:13:31,311 where the big liar Jared is once again about to speak.
- 00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:34,648 Apparently, Jared hopes to regain his celebrity-hero status
- 00:13:34,773 --> 00:13:37,150 which was lost when he announced that it was AIDS,
- 00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:39,778 not sub sandwiches, that caused him to lose weight.
- 00:13:39,903 --> 00:13:40,821 Let's listen in.
- 00:13:40,946 --> 00:13:43,406 Ladies and gentlemen, a-at first I didn't understand
- 00:13:43,532 --> 00:13:44,574 why you felt betrayed
- 00:13:44,699 --> 00:13:46,993 by the fact that my aides helped me to lose weight.
- 00:13:47,118 --> 00:13:49,246 But now I understand that it's because it isn't fair
- 00:13:49,371 --> 00:13:52,207 that I had aides and most of you don't.
- 00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:55,168 And so with all the money I made from commercials,
- 00:13:55,293 --> 00:13:56,795 I have decided to start
- 00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,172 the Aides for Everyone Foundation!
- 00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:01,675 What?!
- 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:04,010 I am going to personally see to it
- 00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:07,973 that each and every one of you gets aides.
- 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,725 This guy's insane.
- 00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:12,227 But I won't stop there.
- 00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,771 I'm gonna seek out all the underprivileged
- 00:14:14,896 --> 00:14:16,481 and hungry children of the world,
- 00:14:16,606 --> 00:14:19,734 and I'm going to give them aides myself!
- 00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:21,862 You're gonna give children AIDS?
- 00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:24,614 Yes, it is my hope that every beautiful child on this earth
- 00:14:24,739 --> 00:14:26,283 has aides by next month.
- 00:14:26,408 --> 00:14:28,285 Aides for everyone!
- 00:14:28,410 --> 00:14:30,287 [ Birds chirping ]
- 00:14:30,412 --> 00:14:31,413 Get him!
- 00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:33,456 [All shouting ]
- 00:14:33,582 --> 00:14:35,333 [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:37,335 [ Doorbell rings ]
- 00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:39,254 Come on, Butters. Time to go. - Go where?
- 00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:40,714 To City Wok so we can make our money.
- 00:14:40,839 --> 00:14:42,382 God! - I can't go anywhere, fellas.
- 00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:44,843 I've been grounded for having liposuction surgery.
- 00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:45,635 What?
- 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,220 I told you my parents would be sore.
- 00:14:47,345 --> 00:14:49,389 And they said, for having liposuction surgery,
- 00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:51,349 I can't play outside for five days.
- 00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:53,143 We just need you to come down to City Wok real quick
- 00:14:53,268 --> 00:14:54,686 so they can see how skinny you are.
- 00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:56,855 You guys have already gotten me in Dutch for getting fat,
- 00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:59,482 and then I got in double Dutch for having liposuction.
- 00:14:59,608 --> 00:15:01,610 And now you're asking me to be in triple Dutch?!
- 00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:03,945 Hunh-unh. I'll never be that Dutch.
- 00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:05,614 Kenny would've done it.
- 00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:06,573 Yep.
- 00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:09,075 You guys remember what a cool friend Kenny was?
- 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:10,660 He was always up for helping us out.
- 00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:12,495 Man, he was the best friend ever.
- 00:15:12,621 --> 00:15:13,955 Look, fellas, I can't do it!
- 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,124 My mom and dad call in every hour from work
- 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:17,417 to make sure I'm here.
- 00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:20,462 If I don't answer the phone, they'll know I'm up to no good.
- 00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,756 All right. I'll stay here and answer the phone for you.
- 00:15:22,881 --> 00:15:24,215 B-But you don't sound like me.
- 00:15:24,341 --> 00:15:25,800 [ Imitating Butters ] But you don't sound like me.
- 00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:27,677 My name is Butters, and I'm a little pussy
- 00:15:27,802 --> 00:15:29,512 who won't help his friends make money.
- 00:15:29,638 --> 00:15:30,764 Wow. That was pretty good.
- 00:15:30,889 --> 00:15:32,015 All right. It's settled. Come on, Butters.
- 00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:35,644 Don't forget, a third of that $4 million is mine.
- 00:15:36,478 --> 00:15:37,854 Ahh.
- 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,233 [ Remote clicks ] Ahh.
- 00:15:42,359 --> 00:15:43,693 [ Sighs ]
- 00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:45,153 [ Telephone rings ]
- 00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:46,738 [ Imitating Butters ] Uh, hello?
- 00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:48,490 I'm just checking in on you, Butters.
- 00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,033 He-- Do I hear the television?
- 00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:52,369 We told you no television while you're grounded.
- 00:15:52,494 --> 00:15:54,579 Oh, gee whiz. I'm not w-watching television, Dad.
- 00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:56,247 I'm just laying around jackin' it.
- 00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:57,832 Jacking it? Jacking what?
- 00:15:57,958 --> 00:15:59,834 Well, my hot, spicy boner, of course, Dad.
- 00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:03,088 What?! Are you trying to get in more trouble with that language?
- 00:16:03,213 --> 00:16:05,507 Aw, loosen up, you bloody vaginal belch.
- 00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:06,967 Oh! You are gonna get it, mister!
- 00:16:07,092 --> 00:16:08,426 You just wait till I get home!
- 00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:10,136 Bring it on, queer bait.
- 00:16:10,261 --> 00:16:12,555 [ Normal voice ] Ahh. Yes.
- 00:16:12,681 --> 00:16:15,225 I tell my girlfriend I have aides, and she leaves!
- 00:16:15,350 --> 00:16:18,144 I tell the world to get aides, and they think I'm crazy!
- 00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:21,398 I offer to give aides to kids, and everyone wants me dead!
- 00:16:21,523 --> 00:16:23,024 What's wrong with aides?!
- 00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:26,444 Why doesn't anyone want me to give them aides?!
- 00:16:27,195 --> 00:16:28,530 [ Crowd shouting ]
- 00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,907 There he is, beating that dead horse!
- 00:16:31,032 --> 00:16:32,784 Get him! [ Crowd shouting ]
- 00:16:32,909 --> 00:16:34,244 Aah!
- 00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:37,789 Welcome to Chitty Wok. Take order, please.
- 00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:38,790 We have great news!
- 00:16:38,915 --> 00:16:40,917 Our friend lost 40 pounds eating your City Wok food.
- 00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:43,003 Here's the before-and-after photos.
- 00:16:43,128 --> 00:16:45,005 He lose weight eating Chitty Wok?
- 00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:47,298 That's right, so you can pay us to use him in your commercials,
- 00:16:47,424 --> 00:16:48,967 and you'll have your very own Jared.
- 00:16:49,092 --> 00:16:50,260 Oh, no. No way.
- 00:16:50,385 --> 00:16:53,179 I not putting no Jared in my Chitty Wok commercial.
- 00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:54,931 Why not? - Don't you know?
- 00:16:55,056 --> 00:16:56,141 Everybody hate Jared.
- 00:16:56,266 --> 00:16:58,268 He want everyone in world to have AIDS.
- 00:16:58,393 --> 00:17:00,270 He sick in the head. - What?
- 00:17:00,395 --> 00:17:02,105 I no want Chitty Wok have nothing to do
- 00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:03,231 with Jared and his AIDS.
- 00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:04,816 Wait. Everyone hates Jared now?
- 00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:06,317 Yeah. They -- They gonna kill him.
- 00:17:06,443 --> 00:17:08,445 They're gonna kill Jared downtown right now.
- 00:17:08,570 --> 00:17:11,322 Oh, come on, guys. We got to sort this out.
- 00:17:11,448 --> 00:17:12,532 TV: Here's some anthrax for ya.
- 00:17:12,657 --> 00:17:15,118 [ Farts, laughs ] Oh, no!
- 00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:16,202 [ Telephone ringing ]
- 00:17:16,327 --> 00:17:18,538 Phillip, your anthrax has given me colon cancer!
- 00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:19,998 <i>Your</i> anthrax has given <i>m e</i> colon cancer!
- 00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:20,999 [ Imitating Butters ] Hello.
- 00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:24,544 Butters, your father called and said you made him very upset.
- 00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:26,463 Yeah. Well, Dad's being a little pussy, Mom.
- 00:17:26,588 --> 00:17:29,591 Butters! Where did you get that kind of smart mouth?
- 00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,342 Not from you dumb-asses. That's for sure.
- 00:17:31,468 --> 00:17:33,928 Oh! You just wait till I get home, mister!
- 00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:37,474 I'll be waiting with bells on, you old horse-bangin' skank.
- 00:17:37,599 --> 00:17:38,558 Ahh.
- 00:17:38,683 --> 00:17:40,685 TV: Hey! That's some anthrax over there!
- 00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:41,853 [ Farts ]
- 00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:43,813 [ Laughs ]
- 00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:48,359 [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:17:48,485 --> 00:17:50,487 Why did I ever do those stupid commercials?
- 00:17:50,612 --> 00:17:52,405 All right, Jared, you sick pervert.
- 00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:54,657 Do you have anything to say before you die?
- 00:17:54,783 --> 00:17:57,285 Wait! You're all making a mistake!
- 00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,621 Stay back, children! Jared wants to give you AIDS!
- 00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:02,373 No! You don't understand. Jared doesn't have <i>AIDS</i> AIDS.
- 00:18:02,499 --> 00:18:04,250 He has assistants -- two guys
- 00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:06,503 that help him lose weight that he calls his "aides."
- 00:18:06,628 --> 00:18:07,921 Hmm? - Oh.
- 00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:11,007 You mean Jared's aides are like my aides?
- 00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:12,258 Yes!
- 00:18:12,383 --> 00:18:14,302 Y-You mean you all thought...
- 00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:15,929 Oh, my gosh!
- 00:18:16,054 --> 00:18:17,764 Oh, boy, do I feel stupid.
- 00:18:17,889 --> 00:18:19,557 Oh, we're so sorry, Jared.
- 00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:21,935 No, no. I-It was my fault. I can't believe I-I --
- 00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:24,229 I didn't even think of what I was saying. [ Laughs ]
- 00:18:24,354 --> 00:18:27,190 So he was saying children should have help like he had.
- 00:18:27,315 --> 00:18:28,483 [ Laughs ] Yeah!
- 00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:31,986 This has got to be about the biggest misunderstanding ever!
- 00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:33,488 [ Laughter ]
- 00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:34,489 Oh, my God!
- 00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:37,075 I told my girlfriend I wanted her to share my aides!
- 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,202 Oh, no wonder she left! [ Laughs ]
- 00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:40,954 [ Laughter continues ]
- 00:18:41,079 --> 00:18:43,039 Can -- Can you imagine what we thought
- 00:18:43,164 --> 00:18:45,458 when you said "Aides for Everyone Foundation"?
- 00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:46,376 [ Laughs ]
- 00:18:46,501 --> 00:18:48,586 Oh, brother! [ Laughs ]
- 00:18:48,711 --> 00:18:51,589 [ Chuckles ] H-Hey. We're all laughing.
- 00:18:51,714 --> 00:18:52,674 [ Birds chirping ]
- 00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:56,010 Oh, hey, yeah. We -- We would've never laughed about this before.
- 00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:58,138 Well, don't you see what this means?
- 00:18:58,263 --> 00:19:03,226 It's been 22.3 years, so... AIDS is finally funny!
- 00:19:03,351 --> 00:19:04,894 [ Crowd gasps ]
- 00:19:05,019 --> 00:19:06,604 He's right. It's happened.
- 00:19:06,729 --> 00:19:09,649 Hey, everybody! AIDS is finally funny!
- 00:19:09,774 --> 00:19:10,567 All right! - [ Crowd cheering ]
- 00:19:10,692 --> 00:19:12,861 Whoo-hoo! - Hooray!
- 00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:15,613 I knew it would be funny one day!
- 00:19:15,738 --> 00:19:17,407 AIDS! [ Laughter ]
- 00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:19,868 Then it's time. We can undo the banner.
- 00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:21,161 - [ Fanfare plays ] - Ooh!
- 00:19:21,286 --> 00:19:22,328 Oh!
- 00:19:22,453 --> 00:19:25,165 [ Horns honking, triumphant music playing ]
- 00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:30,170 Tom, I'm standing in the town square,
- 00:19:30,295 --> 00:19:32,088 where just moments ago it was declared
- 00:19:32,213 --> 00:19:34,299 that AIDS can finally be joked about.
- 00:19:34,424 --> 00:19:36,301 What a great day for humanity.
- 00:19:36,426 --> 00:19:38,094 [ Laughs ] AIDS quilt.
- 00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:39,095 [ Laughs ]
- 00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:40,555 Oh, boy, this fantastic.
- 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,432 I so glad AIDS is funny now.
- 00:19:42,557 --> 00:19:45,059 Okay. So now do you want to use our friend in your commercials?
- 00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:47,437 Sure. Okay. I pay you 15 dollar.
- 00:19:47,562 --> 00:19:50,106 15 dollar? But Jared got millions.
- 00:19:50,231 --> 00:19:51,941 Hey, I not Subway. I Chitty Wok.
- 00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:53,860 Chitty Wok don't have million dollar.
- 00:19:53,985 --> 00:19:55,570 Oh, God damn it!
- 00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:57,071 Just forget the whole thing, then!
- 00:19:57,197 --> 00:19:57,947 Okay.
- 00:19:58,072 --> 00:20:00,283 Hey, you kids know why chicken cross the road?
- 00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:01,993 Why? - 'Cause it had AIDS.
- 00:20:02,118 --> 00:20:03,661 [ Laughs ]
- 00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:05,997 AIDS so funny. [ Laughs ]
- 00:20:06,122 --> 00:20:07,332 Well, so much for our money.
- 00:20:07,457 --> 00:20:09,542 Yeah, but you know, I've learned something today.
- 00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:11,836 It would've been wrong for us to exploit Butters' weight loss
- 00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:13,671 because lots of fat people would've believed it
- 00:20:13,796 --> 00:20:16,341 and eaten a ton of Chinese food instead of dieting properly.
- 00:20:16,466 --> 00:20:17,383 They'd still be fat,
- 00:20:17,508 --> 00:20:19,385 and we'd be responsible for their shattered dreams.
- 00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:21,930 Yeah. I don't like shattering fat peoples' dreams.
- 00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:23,348 Besides, I'd get grounded.
- 00:20:23,473 --> 00:20:26,559 [ Gasps ] Oh, Jesus! I'm supposed to be grounded!
- 00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:29,187 - [ Dramatic music plays ] - There you are, Butters!
- 00:20:29,312 --> 00:20:30,772 Are my mom and dad back home yet?
- 00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:32,815 No, but they're due any minute. C'mon, you're just in time!
- 00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:33,650 Oh, boy!
- 00:20:33,775 --> 00:20:36,486 Mom and Dad didn't find out I left the house, did they?
- 00:20:36,611 --> 00:20:37,695 No. I totally covered for you.
- 00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:39,280 They completely believed I was you on the phone.
- 00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:40,573 Oh, g-goody!
- 00:20:40,698 --> 00:20:41,908 I drew some pictures with crayon
- 00:20:42,033 --> 00:20:43,201 so it looked like you were here all day.
- 00:20:43,326 --> 00:20:44,619 I ate a little food so it looked like you ate.
- 00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,162 And I fed your cat. - Perfect.
- 00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:48,706 I'd better get out of here before they get back.
- 00:20:48,831 --> 00:20:50,583 Hey, Eric?
- 00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:53,419 Thanks for covering for me. You're a real pal.
- 00:20:53,544 --> 00:20:56,256 Butters, it was my pleasure.
- 00:20:56,839 --> 00:21:00,677 [ Humming "The Tonight Show" theme ]
- 00:21:02,512 --> 00:21:04,597 [ Continues humming ]
- 00:21:05,723 --> 00:21:07,809 [ Vehicles approaching ]
- 00:21:09,852 --> 00:21:11,813 [ Tires screeching ]
- 00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:13,064 [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:15,108 [ Continues humming ]
- 00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:17,819 BUTTERS: Hi, Mom and Dad!
- 00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:20,571 Don't you "Hi, Mom and Dad" us, you little punk!
- 00:21:20,697 --> 00:21:21,739 [ Thud ] Ow! Dad!
- 00:21:21,864 --> 00:21:24,367 You don't even know the trouble you're in!
- 00:21:24,492 --> 00:21:25,743 What'd I do?! What'd I do?!
- 00:21:25,868 --> 00:21:27,203 Do you think you're tough now?!
- 00:21:27,328 --> 00:21:29,038 Answer me! - Aah!
- 00:21:29,163 --> 00:21:30,373 Oh, man, if I was older,
- 00:21:30,498 --> 00:21:33,042 I would totally start jacking off right now.
Скриншоты
