Джаред и его помощники

00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:14,140

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:14,265 --> 00:00:15,641

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:18,602

♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,021

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:20,146 --> 00:00:22,064

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:25,317

♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,443 --> 00:00:27,153

♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪

00:00:27,278 --> 00:00:29,030

♪ Timmy, Timmy,

liv-a-la, Timmy! ♪

00:00:29,155 --> 00:00:32,575

♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

00:00:37,621 --> 00:00:38,914

Shut up, you guys.

Shut up, you guys.

00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:42,710

Hello, Chitty Wok.

00:00:42,835 --> 00:00:43,753

Take order, please.

00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:46,005

Hello, is this City Wok?

00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:47,590

Yes, this Chitty Wok.

00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:50,551

Yes, we'd like one

order of the city beef.

00:00:50,676 --> 00:00:51,761

Chitty beef.

00:00:52,928 --> 00:00:54,263

And I'll have the city chicken.

00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:55,514

Chitty chicken.

00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:58,267

Oh, dude, look.

00:00:58,392 --> 00:00:59,977

It's that commercial with

the guy that lost 400 pounds

00:01:00,102 --> 00:01:01,187

eating at Subway sandwiches.

00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,565

♪ He's still looking good ♪

00:01:04,690 --> 00:01:07,193

♪ His name is Jared ♪

00:01:07,318 --> 00:01:08,569

♪ His name is Jared ♪

00:01:08,694 --> 00:01:11,405

♪ And he likes to eat

the sandwiches ♪

00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:12,406

Hey, fellas.

00:01:12,531 --> 00:01:13,491

Hey, Kenny.

00:01:13,616 --> 00:01:15,743

Now, gosh darn it,

my name's not Kenny.

00:01:15,868 --> 00:01:16,702

Kenny's dead,

00:01:16,827 --> 00:01:18,496

and you're all gonna have to

learn to deal with that.

00:01:18,621 --> 00:01:19,580

Okay, not-Kenny.

00:01:19,705 --> 00:01:20,873

Hey, South Park!

00:01:20,998 --> 00:01:23,292

You can meet Jared in person,

March 6th,

00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,878

at the Kenny McCormick

Memorial Town Square.

00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:27,963

Oh, boy!

Jared's coming to town!

00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:29,340

Dude, that's today!

00:01:29,465 --> 00:01:31,217

We got to get down there.

Come on, not-Kenny.

00:01:31,342 --> 00:01:33,511

Now, gosh darn it,

my name's not not-Kenny.

00:01:33,636 --> 00:01:34,887

Okay.

Come on, not not-Kenny.

00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:37,306

Oh, I-I'm getting steamed now!

00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:38,724

Hello?! Chitty Wok!

00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:40,935

Chitty Wok!

Take order, please!

00:01:43,562 --> 00:01:45,481

Excuse me.

Can we get through here?

00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:48,317

Hell, no! I've been saving

this spot for six hours.

00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:50,778

♪ His name is Garrison,

Mr. Garrison ♪

00:01:50,903 --> 00:01:52,905

♪ He lost 10 pounds

taking Jared's lead ♪

00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:54,615

Here he comes!

00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:57,451

♪ He's still looking good ♪

00:01:57,576 --> 00:02:00,496

♪ With all those s-sandwiches ♪

00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:04,250

Thank you all so much.

00:02:04,375 --> 00:02:07,545

You know, after a year of eating

delicious sub sandwiches,

00:02:07,670 --> 00:02:09,505

I've proven weight loss is easy!

00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:14,135

And I promise you I will

always be your faithful leader

00:02:14,260 --> 00:02:15,386

in easy weight loss.

00:02:15,511 --> 00:02:16,512

All right!

- Yeah!

00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:19,348

That guy ate all the sandwiches

he wanted and lost weight.

00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:21,225

He is so cool.

00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:24,603

Mr. Fogle?

00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:26,689

Some fans wanted to see

if you'd sign their sandwich.

00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:28,732

Sure.

Let them in.

00:02:28,858 --> 00:02:29,859

Hi, kids.

00:02:29,984 --> 00:02:30,860

Wow!

It's Jared.

00:02:30,985 --> 00:02:32,486

Dude, did you really lose

all that weight

00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:33,863

eating nothing

but sub sandwiches?

00:02:33,988 --> 00:02:35,114

I sure did.

00:02:35,239 --> 00:02:37,992

And -- W-Well, I-I also had

a little help on the side.

00:02:38,117 --> 00:02:38,826

What kind of help?

00:02:38,951 --> 00:02:41,162

Well, eating sub sandwiches

was a big part of it.

00:02:41,287 --> 00:02:43,289

But the way that I lost

so much weight

00:02:43,414 --> 00:02:45,499

was that I got aides.

00:02:46,083 --> 00:02:48,043

A-AIDS?

- That's right.

00:02:48,169 --> 00:02:49,503

I got aides about two years ago,

00:02:49,628 --> 00:02:51,172

and I've been losing weight

ever since.

00:02:51,297 --> 00:02:53,883

It's amazing how slim

you can get with aides.

00:02:54,008 --> 00:02:55,843

I'll bet you can.

- Would you like to meet them?

00:02:55,968 --> 00:02:57,511

Them?

- My aides.

00:02:57,636 --> 00:02:58,762

Scott!

Tyler!

00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:02,016

Scott is my personal trainer,

and Tyler is my dietitian.

00:03:02,141 --> 00:03:03,100

Hello!

00:03:03,225 --> 00:03:05,436

Oh!

A-I-D-E-S aides.

00:03:05,561 --> 00:03:07,688

Yeah.

Hooray for aides!

00:03:07,813 --> 00:03:09,440

That's not really what you say

in the commercial.

00:03:09,565 --> 00:03:12,193

I know. You kind of have to read

the fine print at the bottom.

00:03:12,318 --> 00:03:14,778

It says I only ate

a half-size lean turkey sandwich

00:03:14,904 --> 00:03:16,530

with no mustard or mayo

or anything like that

00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:18,574

and then had proper diet

and exercise aides.

00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:19,700

But you're lying to people.

00:03:19,825 --> 00:03:22,453

If they knew you didn't just eat

all the sandwiches you want,

00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:23,746

you might not be so popular.

00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:26,081

Y-You think so?

Well, why should it matter?

00:03:26,207 --> 00:03:27,708

It matters, dude.

00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:29,251

Hmm.

00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:31,837

That penis butt didn't lose

weight eating sub sandwiches.

00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:34,298

He lost weight because he ate

less of them and exercised.

00:03:34,423 --> 00:03:36,091

It's only in America

somebody can become famous

00:03:36,217 --> 00:03:37,509

because they go from being

a big fat ass

00:03:37,635 --> 00:03:38,761

to not being a big fat ass.

00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:40,512

Oh, my God, you guys.

00:03:40,638 --> 00:03:42,348

I think I'm having

a genius moment.

00:03:42,473 --> 00:03:44,183

Yes.

Yes!

00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:45,601

It's coming to me now.

00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:46,727

That -- That's diarrhea.

00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:48,854

No. Don't you see

what this all means?

00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:50,272

Anybody could do what he did.

00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,691

What's to stop someone else

from going to say, City Wok,

00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,109

and cutting a deal with them --

00:03:54,235 --> 00:03:56,320

say they'll eat nothing

but their Chinese food,

00:03:56,445 --> 00:03:59,448

but then eat only a little

tiny bit of it and exercise?

00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,784

Then City Wok could say their

food makes you lose weight.

00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:04,036

That's right, Stan.

It's a cash cow, I tell you.

00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:05,162

That's a great idea!

00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:06,372

Lose weight and make money.

00:04:06,497 --> 00:04:08,165

I tell you, this is

gonna be the greatest thing

00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:09,333

that Butters has ever done.

00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:10,626

Me?!

00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:12,878

Who do you think I'm talking

about, Butters -- Joyce Dewitt?

00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:15,464

Oh, no. I thought you meant you.

Y-You're the fat one.

00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,049

I can't lose weight, Butters,

because I'm not fat.

00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:18,092

I'm big-boned.

00:04:18,217 --> 00:04:20,010

You can't slim down bones,

stupid.

00:04:20,135 --> 00:04:21,428

But Butters isn't fat.

00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:22,638

That's my whole point.

00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:23,722

First we fatten him up.

00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:25,516

Then we make the deal

with City Wok.

00:04:25,641 --> 00:04:27,685

Then take the weight back off.

- He's right.

00:04:27,810 --> 00:04:28,852

If Butters is naturally skinny,

00:04:28,978 --> 00:04:30,354

he'll be able

to take the weight off faster.

00:04:30,479 --> 00:04:33,065

But, fellas, if I get fat,

my parents will ground me.

00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:34,900

Oh, come on! Just think about

how famous you'll be.

00:04:35,025 --> 00:04:35,901

You mean like Jared?

00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:37,236

Yeah, dude!

You'll be just like Jared!

00:04:37,361 --> 00:04:39,780

Well, the heck with that!

You said Jared was a "penis butt".

00:04:39,905 --> 00:04:41,824

You wouldn't be a penis butt.

You'd be famous.

00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:43,617

Just think about all those

people following you around,

00:04:43,742 --> 00:04:45,619

singing songs to you just

'cause you lost some weight.

00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:46,912

♪ His name is Butters ♪

00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:48,038

♪ It's Butters ♪

00:04:48,163 --> 00:04:49,748

♪ Used to be fat

but not no more ♪

00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:51,625

♪ City Wok brought him

down to a size 4 ♪

00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:53,419

♪ Now he's got lots of moneys

and girls ♪

00:04:53,544 --> 00:04:56,297

♪ And a lifetime

of free food at City Wok ♪

00:04:56,422 --> 00:04:57,673

Wow.

00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:01,135

Christine, you know I love you

very much,

00:05:01,260 --> 00:05:02,845

and I-I can't wait

for the wedding.

00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:05,681

I love you, too, Jared.

You changed my whole life.

00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:08,058

♪ Her name is Jonas,

Christine Jonas ♪

00:05:08,183 --> 00:05:09,685

♪ She lost 40 pounds

when she met Jared and -- ♪

00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:10,936

I-I know, I know.

00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:13,314

But, uh, some young boys

were talking to me earlier,

00:05:13,439 --> 00:05:14,523

and they made me think

00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,942

that people might not be

so proud of my weight loss

00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:18,360

if they knew something.

00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:19,987

Jared, what's this all about?

00:05:20,112 --> 00:05:22,406

Christine, this probably isn't

gonna matter to you at all,

00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:24,158

but...I have aides.

00:05:24,283 --> 00:05:25,075

What?!

00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,368

Yeah, I have aides.

00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:28,871

I've had aides since

before we were together.

00:05:30,873 --> 00:05:32,875

What -- What are you thinking?

Are you bummed?

00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,126

Am I bummed?!

00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:36,420

You've had AIDS all this time,

and you knew it?

00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:37,546

Well, of course I knew it.

00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:38,964

Why the hell

wouldn't you tell me?

00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:40,549

I didn't think it was

that big of a deal.

00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:43,260

Not that big of a deal?!

I slept with you!

00:05:43,385 --> 00:05:44,511

Aren't you overreacting

a little bit?

00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:46,555

But Jesus Christ!

we're supposed to get married!

00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,474

We can still get married,

Christine.

00:05:48,599 --> 00:05:49,850

Sure, they're my aides now,

00:05:49,975 --> 00:05:52,269

but after we get married,

they'll be our aides.

00:05:53,479 --> 00:05:55,522

You'll love having aides,

Christine, you really will.

00:05:55,647 --> 00:05:57,566

And when we have children,

they'll have aides.

00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:58,942

It'll make things so simple.

00:05:59,068 --> 00:06:01,070

Christine!

00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:05,741

Geez. Those boys were right.

People really don't like aides.

00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,409

I'd better tell everyone

the truth.

00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:10,621

Hello, there, children.

00:06:10,746 --> 00:06:12,748

Chef, we need Butters

to gain about 50 pounds, fast.

00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:14,041

Fifty pounds?

Why?

00:06:14,166 --> 00:06:15,959

Uh, school project.

00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:19,004

Well, if you want him to get

really fat as fast as possible,

00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:20,923

one of you

will have to marry him.

00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:21,924

Marry him?

00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:24,218

It definitely worked

for every woman I ever met.

00:06:24,343 --> 00:06:26,345

Oh, no, no, no!

I ain't getting married.

00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:27,513

My parents will ground me.

00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:29,348

Yeah. None of us

want to marry Butters.

00:06:29,473 --> 00:06:31,141

Well, how come?

What's wrong with me?

00:06:31,266 --> 00:06:33,060

I guess we're gonna do this

the old-fashioned way.

00:06:33,185 --> 00:06:34,937

Come on back, children.

00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:40,275

I can't eat no more.

00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:42,361

You have to.

Here. Have some more mayonnaise.

00:06:43,404 --> 00:06:44,488

Chef, we need more food.

00:06:44,613 --> 00:06:46,156

I'm running out, children.

00:06:47,950 --> 00:06:48,867

Damn it, Butters, keep eating,

00:06:48,992 --> 00:06:50,953

or else I'll kick your ass

till you're deader than Kenny!

00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:51,787

Dude, that isn't cool.

00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,247

You shouldn't joke

about Kenny being dead.

00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:54,415

Enough time hasn't passed.

00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:55,749

So how long until

we can joke about it?

00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:56,917

22.3 years.

00:06:57,042 --> 00:06:58,419

That's how long it takes

for something tragic

00:06:58,544 --> 00:06:59,503

to become funny.

00:06:59,628 --> 00:07:00,796

That's a long time to wait.

00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:02,256

I can't eat no more.

00:07:02,381 --> 00:07:04,341

I-I just keep puking it up.

00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:06,176

Then eat your puke.

- No!

00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:08,720

Oh, come on.

Japanese girls do it.

00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:13,767

Ladies and gentlemen, we at

Subway are happy to inform you

00:07:13,892 --> 00:07:16,603

that Jared has elected to stay

in South Park

00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:18,647

in order to speak to you

once again!

00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,942

He's going to speak to us

once again!

00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:24,653

So here he is -- Jared!

00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:27,406

♪ He's still looking good ♪

00:07:27,531 --> 00:07:30,993

♪ Eating them sandwiches

all the time ♪

00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:32,786

Thank you.

Thank you all.

00:07:32,911 --> 00:07:36,707

Subway is a healthy way to eat

fast food and lose weight!

00:07:36,832 --> 00:07:37,958

All right!

00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:41,545

But I feel like I need

to come a little clean

00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:43,714

about something.

00:07:43,839 --> 00:07:47,217

It wasn't just Subway sandwiches

that made me thin.

00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:47,968

Huh?

00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:50,804

The reason I was able to lose

so much weight so quickly

00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:53,348

was that I got aides.

00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:56,477

Huh?

- Did he say "AIDS"?

00:07:56,602 --> 00:07:58,979

But I still want to be the

leader in a thinner America,

00:07:59,104 --> 00:08:00,230

and so I'm here to tell you

00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:02,816

that you should all go out

and get aides!

00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:04,818

Oh, my God.

- Is he serious?

00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:06,820

Having aides is awesome!

00:08:06,945 --> 00:08:09,823

With aides, you can literally

watch the fat melt away.

00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:13,118

And with the proper mix of aides

and Subway sandwiches,

00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:14,995

anything is possible.

00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:17,956

Uh, the opinions expressed

by Mr. Fogle

00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:20,667

are not necessarily those

of the Subway company.

00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:26,590

Wow!

He looks great!

00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:27,674

How do you feel, Butters?

00:08:27,799 --> 00:08:29,551

Well, k-kind of like Cartman.

00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:31,094

Aah!

- Get ahold of yourself, man.

00:08:31,220 --> 00:08:33,305

All right.

Now it's time for phase two.

00:08:35,641 --> 00:08:36,725

Welcome to Chitty Wok.

00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:39,102

You like to try

chitty chicken today?

00:08:39,228 --> 00:08:42,064

Sir, we have come to offer you

the business deal of a lifetime.

00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:44,107

You want the chitty beef?

00:08:44,233 --> 00:08:46,485

No. We want to show the world

how healthy your food is.

00:08:46,610 --> 00:08:48,362

Our fat friend here

is going to lose 40 pounds

00:08:48,487 --> 00:08:49,655

eating at Chitty Wok.

00:08:49,780 --> 00:08:51,532

Which one?

I see two fat friend.

00:08:51,657 --> 00:08:52,616

The fat one.

00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:54,117

We're gonna take

before-and-after photos,

00:08:54,243 --> 00:08:55,869

and when he gets skinny

from eating your food,

00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:57,412

we'll show the world.

00:08:58,413 --> 00:08:59,289

Why?

00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:02,209

Because then you can pay us to

use our friend in commercials.

00:09:02,334 --> 00:09:04,044

Oh, you mean like Jared?

00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:05,337

Just like Jared.

00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:07,506

♪ His name is Jared,

he lose some weight ♪

00:09:07,631 --> 00:09:09,466

♪ Chitty Wok food

sure is great ♪

00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:10,801

Yeah. Okay.

That sound good.

00:09:10,926 --> 00:09:12,844

So, if he lose weight

eating Chitty Wok,

00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:14,846

I pay you to use him

in commercial.

00:09:14,972 --> 00:09:15,764

All right!

00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:18,267

Sir, we are in business.

00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:20,477

Jared, first of all,

00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:22,145

we want to say

that all of us here at Subway

00:09:22,271 --> 00:09:24,314

appreciate everything

you've done for our company.

00:09:24,439 --> 00:09:25,691

Well, I appreciate your company

00:09:25,816 --> 00:09:27,150

doing everything it's done

for m e.

00:09:27,276 --> 00:09:30,028

Yes, well, it is now

the opinion of all of us

00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:32,698

that perhaps it would be best

for you to take your...

00:09:32,823 --> 00:09:36,577

strange theories on weight loss

elsewhere.

00:09:36,702 --> 00:09:39,621

Excuse me...

00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,456

...am I being fired?

00:09:41,582 --> 00:09:44,042

Jared, it's just that

your new take on weight loss

00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:46,461

is contrary to our commitment

to good health.

00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:47,504

How so?

00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:49,548

Well, your new slogan,

for instance.

00:09:49,673 --> 00:09:51,967

"When it comes to fitness,

00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:54,803

Subway goes hand in hand

with AIDS."

00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:56,972

Uh-huh.

00:10:00,684 --> 00:10:02,436

♪ Name is Jared ♪

00:10:02,561 --> 00:10:05,063

♪ He's Jared,

lost weight eating Subway ♪

00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:06,732

♪ Now he's cold and alone ♪

00:10:06,857 --> 00:10:09,526

♪ No one to --

place to call his home ♪

00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:12,029

♪ He likes sandwiches

with Philadelphia ♪

00:10:12,154 --> 00:10:14,364

♪ cream cheese ♪

00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:16,742

Come on, Butters!

You got to get skinny again!

00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:18,910

You are such a flabby hunk

of crap!

00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:21,955

Look at those jelly rolls!

Jelly rolls, I tell ya!

00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:23,582

You still got seven chins, boy!

00:10:23,707 --> 00:10:25,709

You'll never be thin!

Nobody loves you!

00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:27,127

Hey, now.

They do, too.

00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:29,713

My mom and dad love me

even if I am fat.

00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:31,965

Butters, I'm just trying to

offer some motivational help.

00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:34,051

All right, then.

- Row, you fat bitch!

00:10:34,176 --> 00:10:36,386

Look at them jelly rolls!

Nobody loves you!

00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:37,888

You're not even a person!

00:10:39,348 --> 00:10:42,225

I never asked to be famous.

Now everyone hates me!

00:10:42,351 --> 00:10:44,770

I almost wish

I had never gotten aides!

00:10:44,895 --> 00:10:47,356

Hey. Now, come on.

What kind of talk is that?

00:10:47,481 --> 00:10:48,774

I'm sorry, guys, but I --

00:10:48,899 --> 00:10:51,443

I think I want to be aides-free

for a while.

00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:54,071

Come on, Jared. Lighten up.

People don't hate you.

00:10:54,196 --> 00:10:55,614

Maybe they're all just jealous

00:10:55,739 --> 00:10:58,075

that they can't afford to hire

their own aides.

00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,327

Wait a minute.

You're right!

00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:01,828

Yeah!

00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:04,748

I think I know

how to be a celebrity again!

00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:07,709

Did you bring the camera?

- Yeah. we're all set.

00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:09,211

Guys, I think this might be

a good time

00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:11,171

to discuss some business.

- What do you mean?

00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:13,131

Well, when City Wok sees

how skinny Butters is,

00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:15,050

they're not gonna want him

to just make one commercial.

00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,259

They're gonna want several.

- That's true.

00:11:16,385 --> 00:11:18,345

Jared did like a hundred

for Subway sandwiches.

00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:19,805

I think we're looking at

a nonexclusive,

00:11:19,930 --> 00:11:21,306

two-year, 50-picture deal here.

00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:24,351

My calculations put that

at about $4 million.

00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:25,268

Wow!

00:11:25,394 --> 00:11:27,270

I think the $4 million

should be split evenly

00:11:27,396 --> 00:11:28,397

among the three of us,

00:11:28,522 --> 00:11:31,066

except that I should get a 20%

per negation fee off the gross

00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,234

for having come up with

the idea.

00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,027

Butters, what the hell

are you doing?!

00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:34,945

Yeah!

You're still fat!

00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:36,780

I know.

I-I can't seem to lose it.

00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:38,699

But we're supposed to shoot your

commercial for City Wok today,

00:11:38,824 --> 00:11:39,783

you fat piece of crap!

00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:41,201

I don't know what to tell you.

00:11:41,326 --> 00:11:43,036

Losing weight is harder

than putting it on.

00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:45,038

No, it isn't,

stupid blubber butt!

00:11:45,163 --> 00:11:47,708

Did you eat only one ounce of

City Wok a day like we told you?

00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:49,626

Well, yeah,

but I-I don't know.

00:11:49,751 --> 00:11:51,002

Why are you doing this to us?

00:11:52,671 --> 00:11:54,506

All prepared

for liposuction surgery?

00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:55,507

Check.

00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:57,050

I don't know about this, fellas.

00:11:57,175 --> 00:11:59,344

You're the one that screwed us

by not losing weight, Butters.

00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:01,012

It says here,

"The operation begins

00:12:01,138 --> 00:12:03,098

with a one-inch incision

in the abdomen

00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:05,267

on the left side,

just above the hip."

00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:07,477

Ah, so that's

right about, uh, here.

00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:09,354

Oh!

- Stop your bitching, Butters!

00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:11,064

God! Kenny would've took it

like a man!

00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:12,649

Now put one end of the tube

00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:14,484

a half an inch

into the incision.

00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:15,402

All righty.

00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:17,779

Whoa. I think this is

a bad idea, fellas.

00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:19,030

I feel woozy.

00:12:19,156 --> 00:12:20,073

I think it's in.

00:12:20,198 --> 00:12:21,658

"The liposuction is a process

00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:24,494

of siphoning out

the excess fat."

00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:30,208

Ugh.

00:12:31,460 --> 00:12:33,128

- There it goes.

- All right. It's working!

00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:34,713

Oh, man,

it tastes like that, um --

00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:37,132

You know that creamed chipped-

beef stuff Chef makes sometimes?

00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:39,176

Uh, fellas,

I don't feel very good.

00:12:39,301 --> 00:12:41,052

Shut up, Butters.

This is your own damn fault.

00:12:41,178 --> 00:12:43,972

Everything's getting dark.

- We got to hurry this up.

00:12:44,848 --> 00:12:46,641

Oh, yeah. Keep doing that.

That's working good.

00:12:46,767 --> 00:12:48,769

- He's losing weight!

- Oh! Whoa! Whoa!

00:12:48,894 --> 00:12:49,936

It's out of control!

00:12:50,061 --> 00:12:52,063

Whoa.

Everything's getting sparkly.

00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:54,524

Oh, no, dude.

Butters' parents are home.

00:12:54,649 --> 00:12:55,984

Oh, crap!

- Dude, bail.

00:12:58,278 --> 00:12:59,780

Butters?

Butters?!

00:12:59,905 --> 00:13:01,364

Mom, Dad.

00:13:01,490 --> 00:13:03,909

Butters, are you having

liposuction surgery?

00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:04,951

Tell me the truth.

00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:06,161

Yes, sir.

00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:07,204

This is unbelievable!

00:13:07,329 --> 00:13:09,164

How many times have we told you

never to have

00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,957

self-performed liposuction

surgery in our house?

00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:12,083

Four times, Mom.

00:13:12,209 --> 00:13:13,710

Well, I guess

that wasn't enough.

00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:15,670

You get up to your room

right now, mister.

00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:17,839

Yes, sir.

00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:23,762

Oh, don't you give us

that look, young man.

00:13:23,887 --> 00:13:25,138

You're gonna get it!

00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,558

Tom, I'm standing

out front of the mayor's office,

00:13:28,683 --> 00:13:31,311

where the big liar Jared

is once again about to speak.

00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:34,648

Apparently, Jared hopes to

regain his celebrity-hero status

00:13:34,773 --> 00:13:37,150

which was lost when he announced

that it was AIDS,

00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:39,778

not sub sandwiches,

that caused him to lose weight.

00:13:39,903 --> 00:13:40,821

Let's listen in.

00:13:40,946 --> 00:13:43,406

Ladies and gentlemen,

a-at first I didn't understand

00:13:43,532 --> 00:13:44,574

why you felt betrayed

00:13:44,699 --> 00:13:46,993

by the fact that my aides

helped me to lose weight.

00:13:47,118 --> 00:13:49,246

But now I understand

that it's because it isn't fair

00:13:49,371 --> 00:13:52,207

that I had aides

and most of you don't.

00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:55,168

And so with all the money

I made from commercials,

00:13:55,293 --> 00:13:56,795

I have decided to start

00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,172

the Aides for Everyone

Foundation!

00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:01,675

What?!

00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:04,010

I am going to personally

see to it

00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:07,973

that each and every one of you

gets aides.

00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,725

This guy's insane.

00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:12,227

But I won't stop there.

00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,771

I'm gonna seek out

all the underprivileged

00:14:14,896 --> 00:14:16,481

and hungry children

of the world,

00:14:16,606 --> 00:14:19,734

and I'm going to give them aides

myself!

00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:21,862

You're gonna give children AIDS?

00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:24,614

Yes, it is my hope that every

beautiful child on this earth

00:14:24,739 --> 00:14:26,283

has aides by next month.

00:14:26,408 --> 00:14:28,285

Aides for everyone!

00:14:30,412 --> 00:14:31,413

Get him!

00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:39,254

Come on, Butters. Time to go.

- Go where?

00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:40,714

To City Wok

so we can make our money.

00:14:40,839 --> 00:14:42,382

God!

- I can't go anywhere, fellas.

00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:44,843

I've been grounded for having

liposuction surgery.

00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:45,635

What?

00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,220

I told you my parents

would be sore.

00:14:47,345 --> 00:14:49,389

And they said, for having

liposuction surgery,

00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:51,349

I can't play outside

for five days.

00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:53,143

We just need you to come down

to City Wok real quick

00:14:53,268 --> 00:14:54,686

so they can see

how skinny you are.

00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:56,855

You guys have already gotten me

in Dutch for getting fat,

00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:59,482

and then I got in double Dutch

for having liposuction.

00:14:59,608 --> 00:15:01,610

And now you're asking me to be

in triple Dutch?!

00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:03,945

Hunh-unh.

I'll never be that Dutch.

00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:05,614

Kenny would've done it.

00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:06,573

Yep.

00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:09,075

You guys remember

what a cool friend Kenny was?

00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:10,660

He was always up

for helping us out.

00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:12,495

Man, he was the best friend

ever.

00:15:12,621 --> 00:15:13,955

Look, fellas, I can't do it!

00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,124

My mom and dad call in

every hour from work

00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:17,417

to make sure I'm here.

00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:20,462

If I don't answer the phone,

they'll know I'm up to no good.

00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,756

All right. I'll stay here

and answer the phone for you.

00:15:22,881 --> 00:15:24,215

B-But you don't sound like me.

00:15:24,341 --> 00:15:25,800

But you don't sound like me.

00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:27,677

My name is Butters,

and I'm a little pussy

00:15:27,802 --> 00:15:29,512

who won't help his friends

make money.

00:15:29,638 --> 00:15:30,764

Wow.

That was pretty good.

00:15:30,889 --> 00:15:32,015

All right. It's settled.

Come on, Butters.

00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:35,644

Don't forget, a third

of that $4 million is mine.

00:15:36,478 --> 00:15:37,854

Ahh.

00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,233

Ahh.

00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:46,738

Uh, hello?

00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:48,490

I'm just checking in on you,

Butters.

00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,033

He--

Do I hear the television?

00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:52,369

We told you no television

while you're grounded.

00:15:52,494 --> 00:15:54,579

Oh, gee whiz. I'm not

w-watching television, Dad.

00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:56,247

I'm just laying around

jackin' it.

00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:57,832

Jacking it?

Jacking what?

00:15:57,958 --> 00:15:59,834

Well, my hot, spicy boner,

of course, Dad.

00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:03,088

What?! Are you trying to get in

more trouble with that language?

00:16:03,213 --> 00:16:05,507

Aw, loosen up,

you bloody vaginal belch.

00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:06,967

Oh!

You are gonna get it, mister!

00:16:07,092 --> 00:16:08,426

You just wait till I get home!

00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:10,136

Bring it on, queer bait.

00:16:10,261 --> 00:16:12,555

Ahh. Yes.

00:16:12,681 --> 00:16:15,225

I tell my girlfriend

I have aides, and she leaves!

00:16:15,350 --> 00:16:18,144

I tell the world to get aides,

and they think I'm crazy!

00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:21,398

I offer to give aides to kids,

and everyone wants me dead!

00:16:21,523 --> 00:16:23,024

What's wrong with aides?!

00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:26,444

Why doesn't anyone want me

to give them aides?!

00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,907

There he is,

beating that dead horse!

00:16:31,032 --> 00:16:32,784

Get him!

00:16:32,909 --> 00:16:34,244

Aah!

00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:37,789

Welcome to Chitty Wok.

Take order, please.

00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:38,790

We have great news!

00:16:38,915 --> 00:16:40,917

Our friend lost 40 pounds

eating your City Wok food.

00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:43,003

Here's the before-and-after

photos.

00:16:43,128 --> 00:16:45,005

He lose weight

eating Chitty Wok?

00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:47,298

That's right, so you can pay us

to use him in your commercials,

00:16:47,424 --> 00:16:48,967

and you'll have

your very own Jared.

00:16:49,092 --> 00:16:50,260

Oh, no.

No way.

00:16:50,385 --> 00:16:53,179

I not putting no Jared

in my Chitty Wok commercial.

00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:54,931

Why not?

- Don't you know?

00:16:55,056 --> 00:16:56,141

Everybody hate Jared.

00:16:56,266 --> 00:16:58,268

He want everyone in world

to have AIDS.

00:16:58,393 --> 00:17:00,270

He sick in the head.

- What?

00:17:00,395 --> 00:17:02,105

I no want Chitty Wok

have nothing to do

00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:03,231

with Jared and his AIDS.

00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:04,816

Wait.

Everyone hates Jared now?

00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:06,317

Yeah.

They -- They gonna kill him.

00:17:06,443 --> 00:17:08,445

They're gonna kill Jared

downtown right now.

00:17:08,570 --> 00:17:11,322

Oh, come on, guys.

We got to sort this out.

00:17:11,448 --> 00:17:12,532

Here's some anthrax for ya.

00:17:12,657 --> 00:17:15,118

Oh, no!

00:17:16,327 --> 00:17:18,538

Phillip, your anthrax

has given me colon cancer!

00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:19,998

Your anthrax

has given m e colon cancer!

00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:20,999

Hello.

00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:24,544

Butters, your father called and

said you made him very upset.

00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:26,463

Yeah. Well, Dad's being

a little pussy, Mom.

00:17:26,588 --> 00:17:29,591

Butters! Where did you get

that kind of smart mouth?

00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,342

Not from you dumb-asses.

That's for sure.

00:17:31,468 --> 00:17:33,928

Oh! You just wait

till I get home, mister!

00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:37,474

I'll be waiting with bells on,

you old horse-bangin' skank.

00:17:37,599 --> 00:17:38,558

Ahh.

00:17:38,683 --> 00:17:40,685

Hey!

That's some anthrax over there!

00:17:48,485 --> 00:17:50,487

Why did I ever do

those stupid commercials?

00:17:50,612 --> 00:17:52,405

All right, Jared,

you sick pervert.

00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:54,657

Do you have anything to say

before you die?

00:17:54,783 --> 00:17:57,285

Wait!

You're all making a mistake!

00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,621

Stay back, children!

Jared wants to give you AIDS!

00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:02,373

No! You don't understand.

Jared doesn't have AIDS AIDS.

00:18:02,499 --> 00:18:04,250

He has assistants -- two guys

00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:06,503

that help him lose weight

that he calls his "aides."

00:18:06,628 --> 00:18:07,921

Hmm?

- Oh.

00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:11,007

You mean Jared's aides

are like my aides?

00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:12,258

Yes!

00:18:12,383 --> 00:18:14,302

Y-You mean you all thought...

00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:15,929

Oh, my gosh!

00:18:16,054 --> 00:18:17,764

Oh, boy, do I feel stupid.

00:18:17,889 --> 00:18:19,557

Oh, we're so sorry, Jared.

00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:21,935

No, no. I-It was my fault.

I can't believe I-I --

00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:24,229

I didn't even think of what

I was saying.

00:18:24,354 --> 00:18:27,190

So he was saying children should

have help like he had.

00:18:27,315 --> 00:18:28,483

Yeah!

00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:31,986

This has got to be about the

biggest misunderstanding ever!

00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:34,489

Oh, my God!

00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:37,075

I told my girlfriend

I wanted her to share my aides!

00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,202

Oh, no wonder she left!

00:18:41,079 --> 00:18:43,039

Can -- Can you imagine

what we thought

00:18:43,164 --> 00:18:45,458

when you said

"Aides for Everyone Foundation"?

00:18:46,501 --> 00:18:48,586

Oh, brother!

00:18:48,711 --> 00:18:51,589

H-Hey. We're all laughing.

00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:56,010

Oh, hey, yeah. We -- We would've

never laughed about this before.

00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:58,138

Well, don't you see

what this means?

00:18:58,263 --> 00:19:03,226

It's been 22.3 years, so...

AIDS is finally funny!

00:19:05,019 --> 00:19:06,604

He's right.

It's happened.

00:19:06,729 --> 00:19:09,649

Hey, everybody!

AIDS is finally funny!

00:19:09,774 --> 00:19:10,567

All right!

00:19:10,692 --> 00:19:12,861

Whoo-hoo!

- Hooray!

00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:15,613

I knew it would be funny

one day!

00:19:15,738 --> 00:19:17,407

AIDS!

00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:19,868

Then it's time.

We can undo the banner.

00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:21,161

Ooh!

00:19:21,286 --> 00:19:22,328

Oh!

00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:30,170

Tom, I'm standing

in the town square,

00:19:30,295 --> 00:19:32,088

where just moments ago

it was declared

00:19:32,213 --> 00:19:34,299

that AIDS can finally

be joked about.

00:19:34,424 --> 00:19:36,301

What a great day for humanity.

00:19:36,426 --> 00:19:38,094

AIDS quilt.

00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:40,555

Oh, boy, this fantastic.

00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,432

I so glad AIDS is funny now.

00:19:42,557 --> 00:19:45,059

Okay. So now do you want to use

our friend in your commercials?

00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:47,437

Sure. Okay.

I pay you 15 dollar.

00:19:47,562 --> 00:19:50,106

15 dollar?

But Jared got millions.

00:19:50,231 --> 00:19:51,941

Hey, I not Subway.

I Chitty Wok.

00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:53,860

Chitty Wok don't have

million dollar.

00:19:53,985 --> 00:19:55,570

Oh, God damn it!

00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:57,071

Just forget the whole thing,

then!

00:19:57,197 --> 00:19:57,947

Okay.

00:19:58,072 --> 00:20:00,283

Hey, you kids know

why chicken cross the road?

00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:01,993

Why?

- 'Cause it had AIDS.

00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:05,997

AIDS so funny.

00:20:06,122 --> 00:20:07,332

Well, so much for our money.

00:20:07,457 --> 00:20:09,542

Yeah, but you know,

I've learned something today.

00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:11,836

It would've been wrong for us

to exploit Butters' weight loss

00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:13,671

because lots of fat people

would've believed it

00:20:13,796 --> 00:20:16,341

and eaten a ton of Chinese food

instead of dieting properly.

00:20:16,466 --> 00:20:17,383

They'd still be fat,

00:20:17,508 --> 00:20:19,385

and we'd be responsible

for their shattered dreams.

00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:21,930

Yeah. I don't like

shattering fat peoples' dreams.

00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:23,348

Besides, I'd get grounded.

00:20:23,473 --> 00:20:26,559

Oh, Jesus!

I'm supposed to be grounded!

00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:29,187

There you are, Butters!

00:20:29,312 --> 00:20:30,772

Are my mom and dad

back home yet?

00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:32,815

No, but they're due any minute.

C'mon, you're just in time!

00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:33,650

Oh, boy!

00:20:33,775 --> 00:20:36,486

Mom and Dad didn't find out

I left the house, did they?

00:20:36,611 --> 00:20:37,695

No.

I totally covered for you.

00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:39,280

They completely believed

I was you on the phone.

00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:40,573

Oh, g-goody!

00:20:40,698 --> 00:20:41,908

I drew some pictures with crayon

00:20:42,033 --> 00:20:43,201

so it looked like you were here

all day.

00:20:43,326 --> 00:20:44,619

I ate a little food

so it looked like you ate.

00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,162

And I fed your cat.

- Perfect.

00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:48,706

I'd better get out of here

before they get back.

00:20:48,831 --> 00:20:50,583

Hey, Eric?

00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:53,419

Thanks for covering for me.

You're a real pal.

00:20:53,544 --> 00:20:56,256

Butters, it was my pleasure.

00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:17,819

Hi, Mom and Dad!

00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:20,571

Don't you "Hi, Mom

and Dad" us, you little punk!

00:21:20,697 --> 00:21:21,739

Ow! Dad!

00:21:21,864 --> 00:21:24,367

You don't even know the trouble you're in!

00:21:24,492 --> 00:21:25,743

What'd I do?! What'd I do?!

00:21:25,868 --> 00:21:27,203

Do you think you're tough now?!

00:21:27,328 --> 00:21:29,038

Answer me!

- Aah!

00:21:29,163 --> 00:21:30,373

Oh, man, if I was older,

00:21:30,498 --> 00:21:33,042

I would totally start

jacking off right now.

00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:14,140

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

00:00:14,265 --> 00:00:15,641

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:18,602

♪ Goin' down to South Park,

gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,021

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:20,146 --> 00:00:22,064

♪ People spouting,

"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:25,317

♪ Heading on up to South Park,

gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,443 --> 00:00:27,153

♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪

00:00:27,278 --> 00:00:29,030

♪ Timmy, Timmy,

liv-a-la, Timmy! ♪

00:00:29,155 --> 00:00:32,575

♪ Come on down to South Park

and meet some friends of mine ♪

00:00:35,077 --> 00:00:37,496

[ Laughter ]

00:00:37,621 --> 00:00:38,914

Shut up, you guys.

Shut up, you guys.

00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:40,833

[ Telephone ringing ]

00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:42,710

[ Chinese accent ]

Hello, Chitty Wok.

00:00:42,835 --> 00:00:43,753

Take order, please.

00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:46,005

[ Laughter ]

Hello, is this City Wok?

00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:47,590

Yes, this Chitty Wok.

00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:48,591

[ Laughter ]

00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:50,551

Yes, we'd like one

order of the city beef.

00:00:50,676 --> 00:00:51,761

Chitty beef.

00:00:51,886 --> 00:00:52,803

[ Laughter ]

00:00:52,928 --> 00:00:54,263

And I'll have the city chicken.

00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:55,514

Chitty chicken.

00:00:55,639 --> 00:00:57,266

[ Laughter ]

00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:58,267

Oh, dude, look.

00:00:58,392 --> 00:00:59,977

It's that commercial with

the guy that lost 400 pounds

00:01:00,102 --> 00:01:01,187

eating at Subway sandwiches.

00:01:01,312 --> 00:01:02,438

[ Mid-tempo blues plays ]

00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,565

MAN:

♪ He's still looking good ♪

00:01:04,690 --> 00:01:07,193

♪ His name is Jared ♪

00:01:07,318 --> 00:01:08,569

♪ His name is Jared ♪

00:01:08,694 --> 00:01:11,405

♪ And he likes to eat

the sandwiches ♪

00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:12,406

Hey, fellas.

00:01:12,531 --> 00:01:13,491

Hey, Kenny.

00:01:13,616 --> 00:01:15,743

Now, gosh darn it,

my name's not Kenny.

00:01:15,868 --> 00:01:16,702

Kenny's dead,

00:01:16,827 --> 00:01:18,496

and you're all gonna have to

learn to deal with that.

00:01:18,621 --> 00:01:19,580

Okay, not-Kenny.

00:01:19,705 --> 00:01:20,873

MAN:

Hey, South Park!

00:01:20,998 --> 00:01:23,292

You can meet Jared in person,

March 6th,

00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,878

at the Kenny McCormick

Memorial Town Square.

00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:27,963

Oh, boy!

Jared's coming to town!

00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:29,340

Dude, that's today!

00:01:29,465 --> 00:01:31,217

We got to get down there.

Come on, not-Kenny.

00:01:31,342 --> 00:01:33,511

Now, gosh darn it,

my name's not not-Kenny.

00:01:33,636 --> 00:01:34,887

Okay.

Come on, not not-Kenny.

00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:37,306

Oh, I-I'm getting steamed now!

00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:38,724

MAN:

Hello?! Chitty Wok!

00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:40,935

Chitty Wok!

Take order, please!

00:01:43,562 --> 00:01:45,481

Excuse me.

Can we get through here?

00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:48,317

Hell, no! I've been saving

this spot for six hours.

00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:50,778

♪ His name is Garrison,

Mr. Garrison ♪

00:01:50,903 --> 00:01:52,905

♪ He lost 10 pounds

taking Jared's lead ♪

00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:54,615

Here he comes!

[ Cheers and applause ]

00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:57,451

MAN:

♪ He's still looking good ♪

00:01:57,576 --> 00:02:00,496

♪ With all those s-sandwiches ♪

00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,915

[ Crowd cheering ]

00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:04,250

Thank you all so much.

00:02:04,375 --> 00:02:07,545

You know, after a year of eating

delicious sub sandwiches,

00:02:07,670 --> 00:02:09,505

I've proven weight loss is easy!

00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:11,173

[ Cheers and applause ]

00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:14,135

And I promise you I will

always be your faithful leader

00:02:14,260 --> 00:02:15,386

in easy weight loss.

00:02:15,511 --> 00:02:16,512

All right!

- Yeah!

00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:19,348

That guy ate all the sandwiches

he wanted and lost weight.

00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:21,225

He is so cool.

00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:24,603

[ Knock on door ]

Mr. Fogle?

00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:26,689

Some fans wanted to see

if you'd sign their sandwich.

00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:28,732

Sure.

Let them in.

00:02:28,858 --> 00:02:29,859

Hi, kids.

00:02:29,984 --> 00:02:30,860

Wow!

It's Jared.

00:02:30,985 --> 00:02:32,486

Dude, did you really lose

all that weight

00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:33,863

eating nothing

but sub sandwiches?

00:02:33,988 --> 00:02:35,114

I sure did.

00:02:35,239 --> 00:02:37,992

And -- W-Well, I-I also had

a little help on the side.

00:02:38,117 --> 00:02:38,826

What kind of help?

00:02:38,951 --> 00:02:41,162

Well, eating sub sandwiches

was a big part of it.

00:02:41,287 --> 00:02:43,289

But the way that I lost

so much weight

00:02:43,414 --> 00:02:45,499

was that I got aides.

00:02:46,083 --> 00:02:48,043

A-AIDS?

- That's right.

00:02:48,169 --> 00:02:49,503

I got aides about two years ago,

00:02:49,628 --> 00:02:51,172

and I've been losing weight

ever since.

00:02:51,297 --> 00:02:53,883

It's amazing how slim

you can get with aides.

00:02:54,008 --> 00:02:55,843

I'll bet you can.

- Would you like to meet them?

00:02:55,968 --> 00:02:57,511

Them?

- My aides.

00:02:57,636 --> 00:02:58,762

Scott!

Tyler!

00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:02,016

Scott is my personal trainer,

and Tyler is my dietitian.

00:03:02,141 --> 00:03:03,100

[ Both ] Hello!

00:03:03,225 --> 00:03:05,436

Oh!

A-I-D-E-S aides.

00:03:05,561 --> 00:03:07,688

Yeah.

Hooray for aides!

00:03:07,813 --> 00:03:09,440

That's not really what you say

in the commercial.

00:03:09,565 --> 00:03:12,193

I know. You kind of have to read

the fine print at the bottom.

00:03:12,318 --> 00:03:14,778

It says I only ate

a half-size lean turkey sandwich

00:03:14,904 --> 00:03:16,530

with no mustard or mayo

or anything like that

00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:18,574

and then had proper diet

and exercise aides.

00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:19,700

But you're lying to people.

00:03:19,825 --> 00:03:22,453

If they knew you didn't just eat

all the sandwiches you want,

00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:23,746

you might not be so popular.

00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:26,081

Y-You think so?

Well, why should it matter?

00:03:26,207 --> 00:03:27,708

It matters, dude.

00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:29,251

Hmm.

00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:31,837

That penis butt didn't lose

weight eating sub sandwiches.

00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:34,298

He lost weight because he ate

less of them and exercised.

00:03:34,423 --> 00:03:36,091

It's only in America

somebody can become famous

00:03:36,217 --> 00:03:37,509

because they go from being

a big fat ass

00:03:37,635 --> 00:03:38,761

to not being a big fat ass.

00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:40,512

Oh, my God, you guys.

00:03:40,638 --> 00:03:42,348

I think I'm having

a genius moment.

00:03:42,473 --> 00:03:44,183

Yes.

Yes!

00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:45,601

It's coming to me now.

00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:46,727

That -- That's diarrhea.

00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:48,854

No. Don't you see

what this all means?

00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:50,272

Anybody could do what he did.

00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,691

What's to stop someone else

from going to say, City Wok,

00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,109

and cutting a deal with them --

00:03:54,235 --> 00:03:56,320

say they'll eat nothing

but their Chinese food,

00:03:56,445 --> 00:03:59,448

but then eat only a little

tiny bit of it and exercise?

00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,784

Then City Wok could say their

food makes you lose weight.

00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:04,036

That's right, Stan.

It's a cash cow, I tell you.

00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:05,162

That's a great idea!

00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:06,372

Lose weight and make money.

00:04:06,497 --> 00:04:08,165

I tell you, this is

gonna be the greatest thing

00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:09,333

that Butters has ever done.

00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:10,626

Me?!

00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:12,878

Who do you think I'm talking

about, Butters -- Joyce Dewitt?

00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:15,464

Oh, no. I thought you meant you.

Y-You're the fat one.

00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,049

I can't lose weight, Butters,

because I'm not fat.

00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:18,092

I'm big-boned.

00:04:18,217 --> 00:04:20,010

You can't slim down bones,

stupid.

00:04:20,135 --> 00:04:21,428

But Butters isn't fat.

00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:22,638

That's my whole point.

00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:23,722

First we fatten him up.

00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:25,516

Then we make the deal

with City Wok.

00:04:25,641 --> 00:04:27,685

Then take the weight back off.

- He's right.

00:04:27,810 --> 00:04:28,852

If Butters is naturally skinny,

00:04:28,978 --> 00:04:30,354

he'll be able

to take the weight off faster.

00:04:30,479 --> 00:04:33,065

But, fellas, if I get fat,

my parents will ground me.

00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:34,900

Oh, come on! Just think about

how famous you'll be.

00:04:35,025 --> 00:04:35,901

You mean like Jared?

00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:37,236

Yeah, dude!

You'll be just like Jared!

00:04:37,361 --> 00:04:39,780

Well, the heck with that!

You said Jared was a "penis butt".

00:04:39,905 --> 00:04:41,824

You wouldn't be a penis butt.

You'd be famous.

00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:43,617

Just think about all those

people following you around,

00:04:43,742 --> 00:04:45,619

singing songs to you just

'cause you lost some weight.

00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:46,912

♪ His name is Butters ♪

00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:48,038

♪ It's Butters ♪

00:04:48,163 --> 00:04:49,748

♪ Used to be fat

but not no more ♪

00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:51,625

♪ City Wok brought him

down to a size 4 ♪

00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:53,419

♪ Now he's got lots of moneys

and girls ♪

00:04:53,544 --> 00:04:56,297

♪ And a lifetime

of free food at City Wok ♪

00:04:56,422 --> 00:04:57,673

Wow.

00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:01,135

Christine, you know I love you

very much,

00:05:01,260 --> 00:05:02,845

and I-I can't wait

for the wedding.

00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:05,681

I love you, too, Jared.

You changed my whole life.

00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:08,058

♪ Her name is Jonas,

Christine Jonas ♪

00:05:08,183 --> 00:05:09,685

♪ She lost 40 pounds

when she met Jared and -- ♪

00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:10,936

I-I know, I know.

00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:13,314

But, uh, some young boys

were talking to me earlier,

00:05:13,439 --> 00:05:14,523

and they made me think

00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,942

that people might not be

so proud of my weight loss

00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:18,360

if they knew something.

00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:19,987

Jared, what's this all about?

00:05:20,112 --> 00:05:22,406

Christine, this probably isn't

gonna matter to you at all,

00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:24,158

but...I have aides.

00:05:24,283 --> 00:05:25,075

What?!

00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,368

Yeah, I have aides.

00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:28,871

I've had aides since

before we were together.

00:05:30,873 --> 00:05:32,875

What -- What are you thinking?

Are you bummed?

00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,126

Am I bummed?!

00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:36,420

You've had AIDS all this time,

and you knew it?

00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:37,546

Well, of course I knew it.

00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:38,964

Why the hell

wouldn't you tell me?

00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:40,549

I didn't think it was

that big of a deal.

00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:43,260

Not that big of a deal?!

I slept with you!

00:05:43,385 --> 00:05:44,511

Aren't you overreacting

a little bit?

00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:46,555

But Jesus Christ!

we're supposed to get married!

00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,474

We can still get married,

Christine.

00:05:48,599 --> 00:05:49,850

Sure, they're my aides now,

00:05:49,975 --> 00:05:52,269

but after we get married,

they'll be our aides.

00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:53,354

[ Sobs ]

00:05:53,479 --> 00:05:55,522

You'll love having aides,

Christine, you really will.

00:05:55,647 --> 00:05:57,566

And when we have children,

they'll have aides.

00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:58,942

It'll make things so simple.

00:05:59,068 --> 00:06:01,070

[ Sobbing ]

- Christine!

00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:05,741

Geez. Those boys were right.

People really don't like aides.

00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,409

I'd better tell everyone

the truth.

00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:09,161

[ Bell rings ]

00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:10,621

Hello, there, children.

00:06:10,746 --> 00:06:12,748

Chef, we need Butters

to gain about 50 pounds, fast.

00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:14,041

Fifty pounds?

Why?

00:06:14,166 --> 00:06:15,959

Uh, school project.

00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:19,004

Well, if you want him to get

really fat as fast as possible,

00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:20,923

one of you

will have to marry him.

00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:21,924

Marry him?

00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:24,218

It definitely worked

for every woman I ever met.

00:06:24,343 --> 00:06:26,345

Oh, no, no, no!

I ain't getting married.

00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:27,513

My parents will ground me.

00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:29,348

Yeah. None of us

want to marry Butters.

00:06:29,473 --> 00:06:31,141

Well, how come?

What's wrong with me?

00:06:31,266 --> 00:06:33,060

I guess we're gonna do this

the old-fashioned way.

00:06:33,185 --> 00:06:34,937

Come on back, children.

00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:40,275

[ Groans ]

I can't eat no more.

00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:42,361

You have to.

Here. Have some more mayonnaise.

00:06:43,404 --> 00:06:44,488

Chef, we need more food.

00:06:44,613 --> 00:06:46,156

I'm running out, children.

00:06:47,950 --> 00:06:48,867

Damn it, Butters, keep eating,

00:06:48,992 --> 00:06:50,953

or else I'll kick your ass

till you're deader than Kenny!

00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:51,787

Dude, that isn't cool.

00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,247

You shouldn't joke

about Kenny being dead.

00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:54,415

Enough time hasn't passed.

00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:55,749

So how long until

we can joke about it?

00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:56,917

22.3 years.

00:06:57,042 --> 00:06:58,419

That's how long it takes

for something tragic

00:06:58,544 --> 00:06:59,503

to become funny.

00:06:59,628 --> 00:07:00,796

That's a long time to wait.

00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:02,256

I can't eat no more.

00:07:02,381 --> 00:07:04,341

I-I just keep puking it up.

00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:06,176

Then eat your puke.

- No!

00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:08,720

Oh, come on.

Japanese girls do it.

00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:13,767

Ladies and gentlemen, we at

Subway are happy to inform you

00:07:13,892 --> 00:07:16,603

that Jared has elected to stay

in South Park

00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:18,647

in order to speak to you

once again!

00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:19,815

[ Cheering ]

00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,942

He's going to speak to us

once again!

00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:24,653

So here he is -- Jared!

00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:27,406

MAN:

♪ He's still looking good ♪

00:07:27,531 --> 00:07:30,993

♪ Eating them sandwiches

all the time ♪

00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:32,786

Thank you.

Thank you all.

00:07:32,911 --> 00:07:36,707

Subway is a healthy way to eat

fast food and lose weight!

00:07:36,832 --> 00:07:37,958

All right!

- [ Crowd cheering ]

00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:41,545

But I feel like I need

to come a little clean

00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:43,714

about something.

00:07:43,839 --> 00:07:47,217

It wasn't just Subway sandwiches

that made me thin.

00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:47,968

Huh?

00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:50,804

The reason I was able to lose

so much weight so quickly

00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:53,348

was that I got aides.

00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:56,477

Huh?

- Did he say "AIDS"?

00:07:56,602 --> 00:07:58,979

But I still want to be the

leader in a thinner America,

00:07:59,104 --> 00:08:00,230

and so I'm here to tell you

00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:02,816

that you should all go out

and get aides!

00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:04,818

Oh, my God.

- Is he serious?

00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:06,820

Having aides is awesome!

00:08:06,945 --> 00:08:09,823

With aides, you can literally

watch the fat melt away.

00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:13,118

And with the proper mix of aides

and Subway sandwiches,

00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:14,995

anything is possible.

00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:17,956

Uh, the opinions expressed

by Mr. Fogle

00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:20,667

are not necessarily those

of the Subway company.

00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:26,590

Wow!

He looks great!

00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:27,674

How do you feel, Butters?

00:08:27,799 --> 00:08:29,551

Well, k-kind of like Cartman.

00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:31,094

Aah!

- Get ahold of yourself, man.

00:08:31,220 --> 00:08:33,305

All right.

Now it's time for phase two.

00:08:35,641 --> 00:08:36,725

Welcome to Chitty Wok.

00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:39,102

You like to try

chitty chicken today?

00:08:39,228 --> 00:08:42,064

Sir, we have come to offer you

the business deal of a lifetime.

00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:44,107

You want the chitty beef?

00:08:44,233 --> 00:08:46,485

No. We want to show the world

how healthy your food is.

00:08:46,610 --> 00:08:48,362

Our fat friend here

is going to lose 40 pounds

00:08:48,487 --> 00:08:49,655

eating at Chitty Wok.

00:08:49,780 --> 00:08:51,532

Which one?

I see two fat friend.

00:08:51,657 --> 00:08:52,616

The fat one.

00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:54,117

We're gonna take

before-and-after photos,

00:08:54,243 --> 00:08:55,869

and when he gets skinny

from eating your food,

00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:57,412

we'll show the world.

00:08:58,413 --> 00:08:59,289

Why?

00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:02,209

Because then you can pay us to

use our friend in commercials.

00:09:02,334 --> 00:09:04,044

Oh, you mean like Jared?

00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:05,337

Just like Jared.

00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:07,506

♪ His name is Jared,

he lose some weight ♪

00:09:07,631 --> 00:09:09,466

♪ Chitty Wok food

sure is great ♪

00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:10,801

Yeah. Okay.

That sound good.

00:09:10,926 --> 00:09:12,844

So, if he lose weight

eating Chitty Wok,

00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:14,846

I pay you to use him

in commercial.

00:09:14,972 --> 00:09:15,764

ALL:

All right!

00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:18,267

Sir, we are in business.

00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:20,477

Jared, first of all,

00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:22,145

we want to say

that all of us here at Subway

00:09:22,271 --> 00:09:24,314

appreciate everything

you've done for our company.

00:09:24,439 --> 00:09:25,691

Well, I appreciate your company

00:09:25,816 --> 00:09:27,150

doing everything it's done

for m e.

00:09:27,276 --> 00:09:30,028

Yes, well, it is now

the opinion of all of us

00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:32,698

that perhaps it would be best

for you to take your...

00:09:32,823 --> 00:09:36,577

strange theories on weight loss

elsewhere.

00:09:36,702 --> 00:09:39,621

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

Excuse me...

00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,456

...am I being fired?

00:09:41,582 --> 00:09:44,042

Jared, it's just that

your new take on weight loss

00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:46,461

is contrary to our commitment

to good health.

00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:47,504

How so?

00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:49,548

Well, your new slogan,

for instance.

00:09:49,673 --> 00:09:51,967

[ Clears throat ]

"When it comes to fitness,

00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:54,803

Subway goes hand in hand

with AIDS."

00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:56,972

Uh-huh.

00:09:57,097 --> 00:10:00,559

[ Tune of "Streets

of Philadelphia" plays ]

00:10:00,684 --> 00:10:02,436

MAN:

♪ Name is Jared ♪

00:10:02,561 --> 00:10:05,063

♪ He's Jared,

lost weight eating Subway ♪

00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:06,732

♪ Now he's cold and alone ♪

00:10:06,857 --> 00:10:09,526

♪ No one to --

place to call his home ♪

00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:12,029

♪ He likes sandwiches

with Philadelphia ♪

00:10:12,154 --> 00:10:14,364

♪ cream cheese ♪

00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:16,742

Come on, Butters!

You got to get skinny again!

00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:18,910

You are such a flabby hunk

of crap!

00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:21,955

Look at those jelly rolls!

Jelly rolls, I tell ya!

00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:23,582

You still got seven chins, boy!

00:10:23,707 --> 00:10:25,709

You'll never be thin!

Nobody loves you!

00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:27,127

Hey, now.

They do, too.

00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:29,713

My mom and dad love me

even if I am fat.

00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:31,965

Butters, I'm just trying to

offer some motivational help.

00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:34,051

All right, then.

- Row, you fat bitch!

00:10:34,176 --> 00:10:36,386

Look at them jelly rolls!

Nobody loves you!

00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:37,888

You're not even a person!

00:10:38,013 --> 00:10:39,222

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

00:10:39,348 --> 00:10:42,225

I never asked to be famous.

Now everyone hates me!

00:10:42,351 --> 00:10:44,770

I almost wish

I had never gotten aides!

00:10:44,895 --> 00:10:47,356

Hey. Now, come on.

What kind of talk is that?

00:10:47,481 --> 00:10:48,774

I'm sorry, guys, but I --

00:10:48,899 --> 00:10:51,443

I think I want to be aides-free

for a while.

00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:54,071

Come on, Jared. Lighten up.

People don't hate you.

00:10:54,196 --> 00:10:55,614

Maybe they're all just jealous

00:10:55,739 --> 00:10:58,075

that they can't afford to hire

their own aides.

00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,327

Wait a minute.

You're right!

00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:01,828

Yeah!

00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:04,748

I think I know

how to be a celebrity again!

00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:07,709

Did you bring the camera?

- Yeah. we're all set.

00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:09,211

Guys, I think this might be

a good time

00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:11,171

to discuss some business.

- What do you mean?

00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:13,131

Well, when City Wok sees

how skinny Butters is,

00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:15,050

they're not gonna want him

to just make one commercial.

00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,259

They're gonna want several.

- That's true.

00:11:16,385 --> 00:11:18,345

Jared did like a hundred

for Subway sandwiches.

00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:19,805

I think we're looking at

a nonexclusive,

00:11:19,930 --> 00:11:21,306

two-year, 50-picture deal here.

00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:24,351

My calculations put that

at about $4 million.

00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:25,268

Wow!

00:11:25,394 --> 00:11:27,270

I think the $4 million

should be split evenly

00:11:27,396 --> 00:11:28,397

among the three of us,

00:11:28,522 --> 00:11:31,066

except that I should get a 20%

per negation fee off the gross

00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,234

for having come up with

the idea.

00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,027

Butters, what the hell

are you doing?!

00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:34,945

Yeah!

You're still fat!

00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:36,780

I know.

I-I can't seem to lose it.

00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:38,699

But we're supposed to shoot your

commercial for City Wok today,

00:11:38,824 --> 00:11:39,783

you fat piece of crap!

00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:41,201

I don't know what to tell you.

00:11:41,326 --> 00:11:43,036

Losing weight is harder

than putting it on.

00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:45,038

No, it isn't,

stupid blubber butt!

00:11:45,163 --> 00:11:47,708

Did you eat only one ounce of

City Wok a day like we told you?

00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:49,626

Well, yeah,

but I-I don't know.

00:11:49,751 --> 00:11:51,002

Why are you doing this to us?

00:11:52,671 --> 00:11:54,506

STAN: All prepared

for liposuction surgery?

00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:55,507

CARTMAN:

Check.

00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:57,050

I don't know about this, fellas.

00:11:57,175 --> 00:11:59,344

You're the one that screwed us

by not losing weight, Butters.

00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:01,012

It says here,

"The operation begins

00:12:01,138 --> 00:12:03,098

with a one-inch incision

in the abdomen

00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:05,267

on the left side,

just above the hip."

00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:07,477

Ah, so that's

right about, uh, here.

00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:09,354

Oh!

- Stop your bitching, Butters!

00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:11,064

God! Kenny would've took it

like a man!

00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:12,649

Now put one end of the tube

00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:14,484

a half an inch

into the incision.

00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:15,402

All righty.

00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:17,779

Whoa. I think this is

a bad idea, fellas.

00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:19,030

I feel woozy.

00:12:19,156 --> 00:12:20,073

I think it's in.

00:12:20,198 --> 00:12:21,658

"The liposuction is a process

00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:24,494

of siphoning out

the excess fat."

00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:29,207

[ Slurping ]

00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:30,208

Ugh.

[ Grunts ]

00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:31,334

[ Moans ]

00:12:31,460 --> 00:12:33,128

- There it goes.

- All right. It's working!

00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:34,713

Oh, man,

it tastes like that, um --

00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:37,132

You know that creamed chipped-

beef stuff Chef makes sometimes?

00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:39,176

Uh, fellas,

I don't feel very good.

00:12:39,301 --> 00:12:41,052

Shut up, Butters.

This is your own damn fault.

00:12:41,178 --> 00:12:43,972

Everything's getting dark.

- We got to hurry this up.

00:12:44,848 --> 00:12:46,641

Oh, yeah. Keep doing that.

That's working good.

00:12:46,767 --> 00:12:48,769

- He's losing weight!

- Oh! Whoa! Whoa!

00:12:48,894 --> 00:12:49,936

It's out of control!

00:12:50,061 --> 00:12:52,063

Whoa.

Everything's getting sparkly.

00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:54,524

Oh, no, dude.

Butters' parents are home.

00:12:54,649 --> 00:12:55,984

Oh, crap!

- Dude, bail.

00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:58,153

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:12:58,278 --> 00:12:59,780

Butters?

Butters?!

00:12:59,905 --> 00:13:01,364

Mom, Dad.

00:13:01,490 --> 00:13:03,909

Butters, are you having

liposuction surgery?

00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:04,951

Tell me the truth.

00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:06,161

Yes, sir.

00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:07,204

This is unbelievable!

00:13:07,329 --> 00:13:09,164

How many times have we told you

never to have

00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,957

self-performed liposuction

surgery in our house?

00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:12,083

Four times, Mom.

00:13:12,209 --> 00:13:13,710

Well, I guess

that wasn't enough.

00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:15,670

You get up to your room

right now, mister.

00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:17,839

Yes, sir.

00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,758

[ Grunts ]

00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:23,762

Oh, don't you give us

that look, young man.

00:13:23,887 --> 00:13:25,138

You're gonna get it!

00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,558

Tom, I'm standing

out front of the mayor's office,

00:13:28,683 --> 00:13:31,311

where the big liar Jared

is once again about to speak.

00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:34,648

Apparently, Jared hopes to

regain his celebrity-hero status

00:13:34,773 --> 00:13:37,150

which was lost when he announced

that it was AIDS,

00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:39,778

not sub sandwiches,

that caused him to lose weight.

00:13:39,903 --> 00:13:40,821

Let's listen in.

00:13:40,946 --> 00:13:43,406

Ladies and gentlemen,

a-at first I didn't understand

00:13:43,532 --> 00:13:44,574

why you felt betrayed

00:13:44,699 --> 00:13:46,993

by the fact that my aides

helped me to lose weight.

00:13:47,118 --> 00:13:49,246

But now I understand

that it's because it isn't fair

00:13:49,371 --> 00:13:52,207

that I had aides

and most of you don't.

00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:55,168

And so with all the money

I made from commercials,

00:13:55,293 --> 00:13:56,795

I have decided to start

00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,172

the Aides for Everyone

Foundation!

00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:01,675

What?!

00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:04,010

I am going to personally

see to it

00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:07,973

that each and every one of you

gets aides.

00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,725

This guy's insane.

00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:12,227

But I won't stop there.

00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,771

I'm gonna seek out

all the underprivileged

00:14:14,896 --> 00:14:16,481

and hungry children

of the world,

00:14:16,606 --> 00:14:19,734

and I'm going to give them aides

myself!

00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:21,862

You're gonna give children AIDS?

00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:24,614

Yes, it is my hope that every

beautiful child on this earth

00:14:24,739 --> 00:14:26,283

has aides by next month.

00:14:26,408 --> 00:14:28,285

Aides for everyone!

00:14:28,410 --> 00:14:30,287

[ Birds chirping ]

00:14:30,412 --> 00:14:31,413

Get him!

00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:33,456

[All shouting ]

00:14:33,582 --> 00:14:35,333

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:37,335

[ Doorbell rings ]

00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:39,254

Come on, Butters. Time to go.

- Go where?

00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:40,714

To City Wok

so we can make our money.

00:14:40,839 --> 00:14:42,382

God!

- I can't go anywhere, fellas.

00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:44,843

I've been grounded for having

liposuction surgery.

00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:45,635

What?

00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,220

I told you my parents

would be sore.

00:14:47,345 --> 00:14:49,389

And they said, for having

liposuction surgery,

00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:51,349

I can't play outside

for five days.

00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:53,143

We just need you to come down

to City Wok real quick

00:14:53,268 --> 00:14:54,686

so they can see

how skinny you are.

00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:56,855

You guys have already gotten me

in Dutch for getting fat,

00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:59,482

and then I got in double Dutch

for having liposuction.

00:14:59,608 --> 00:15:01,610

And now you're asking me to be

in triple Dutch?!

00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:03,945

Hunh-unh.

I'll never be that Dutch.

00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:05,614

Kenny would've done it.

00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:06,573

Yep.

00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:09,075

You guys remember

what a cool friend Kenny was?

00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:10,660

He was always up

for helping us out.

00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:12,495

Man, he was the best friend

ever.

00:15:12,621 --> 00:15:13,955

Look, fellas, I can't do it!

00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,124

My mom and dad call in

every hour from work

00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:17,417

to make sure I'm here.

00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:20,462

If I don't answer the phone,

they'll know I'm up to no good.

00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,756

All right. I'll stay here

and answer the phone for you.

00:15:22,881 --> 00:15:24,215

B-But you don't sound like me.

00:15:24,341 --> 00:15:25,800

[ Imitating Butters ]

But you don't sound like me.

00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:27,677

My name is Butters,

and I'm a little pussy

00:15:27,802 --> 00:15:29,512

who won't help his friends

make money.

00:15:29,638 --> 00:15:30,764

Wow.

That was pretty good.

00:15:30,889 --> 00:15:32,015

All right. It's settled.

Come on, Butters.

00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:35,644

Don't forget, a third

of that $4 million is mine.

00:15:36,478 --> 00:15:37,854

Ahh.

00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,233

[ Remote clicks ]

Ahh.

00:15:42,359 --> 00:15:43,693

[ Sighs ]

00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:45,153

[ Telephone rings ]

00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:46,738

[ Imitating Butters ]

Uh, hello?

00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:48,490

I'm just checking in on you,

Butters.

00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,033

He--

Do I hear the television?

00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:52,369

We told you no television

while you're grounded.

00:15:52,494 --> 00:15:54,579

Oh, gee whiz. I'm not

w-watching television, Dad.

00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:56,247

I'm just laying around

jackin' it.

00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:57,832

Jacking it?

Jacking what?

00:15:57,958 --> 00:15:59,834

Well, my hot, spicy boner,

of course, Dad.

00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:03,088

What?! Are you trying to get in

more trouble with that language?

00:16:03,213 --> 00:16:05,507

Aw, loosen up,

you bloody vaginal belch.

00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:06,967

Oh!

You are gonna get it, mister!

00:16:07,092 --> 00:16:08,426

You just wait till I get home!

00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:10,136

Bring it on, queer bait.

00:16:10,261 --> 00:16:12,555

[ Normal voice ]

Ahh. Yes.

00:16:12,681 --> 00:16:15,225

I tell my girlfriend

I have aides, and she leaves!

00:16:15,350 --> 00:16:18,144

I tell the world to get aides,

and they think I'm crazy!

00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:21,398

I offer to give aides to kids,

and everyone wants me dead!

00:16:21,523 --> 00:16:23,024

What's wrong with aides?!

00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:26,444

Why doesn't anyone want me

to give them aides?!

00:16:27,195 --> 00:16:28,530

[ Crowd shouting ]

00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,907

There he is,

beating that dead horse!

00:16:31,032 --> 00:16:32,784

Get him!

[ Crowd shouting ]

00:16:32,909 --> 00:16:34,244

Aah!

00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:37,789

Welcome to Chitty Wok.

Take order, please.

00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:38,790

We have great news!

00:16:38,915 --> 00:16:40,917

Our friend lost 40 pounds

eating your City Wok food.

00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:43,003

Here's the before-and-after

photos.

00:16:43,128 --> 00:16:45,005

He lose weight

eating Chitty Wok?

00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:47,298

That's right, so you can pay us

to use him in your commercials,

00:16:47,424 --> 00:16:48,967

and you'll have

your very own Jared.

00:16:49,092 --> 00:16:50,260

Oh, no.

No way.

00:16:50,385 --> 00:16:53,179

I not putting no Jared

in my Chitty Wok commercial.

00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:54,931

Why not?

- Don't you know?

00:16:55,056 --> 00:16:56,141

Everybody hate Jared.

00:16:56,266 --> 00:16:58,268

He want everyone in world

to have AIDS.

00:16:58,393 --> 00:17:00,270

He sick in the head.

- What?

00:17:00,395 --> 00:17:02,105

I no want Chitty Wok

have nothing to do

00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:03,231

with Jared and his AIDS.

00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:04,816

Wait.

Everyone hates Jared now?

00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:06,317

Yeah.

They -- They gonna kill him.

00:17:06,443 --> 00:17:08,445

They're gonna kill Jared

downtown right now.

00:17:08,570 --> 00:17:11,322

Oh, come on, guys.

We got to sort this out.

00:17:11,448 --> 00:17:12,532

TV: Here's some anthrax for ya.

00:17:12,657 --> 00:17:15,118

[ Farts, laughs ]

Oh, no!

00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:16,202

[ Telephone ringing ]

00:17:16,327 --> 00:17:18,538

Phillip, your anthrax

has given me colon cancer!

00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:19,998

Your anthrax

has given m e colon cancer!

00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:20,999

[ Imitating Butters ]

Hello.

00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:24,544

Butters, your father called and

said you made him very upset.

00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:26,463

Yeah. Well, Dad's being

a little pussy, Mom.

00:17:26,588 --> 00:17:29,591

Butters! Where did you get

that kind of smart mouth?

00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,342

Not from you dumb-asses.

That's for sure.

00:17:31,468 --> 00:17:33,928

Oh! You just wait

till I get home, mister!

00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:37,474

I'll be waiting with bells on,

you old horse-bangin' skank.

00:17:37,599 --> 00:17:38,558

Ahh.

00:17:38,683 --> 00:17:40,685

TV: Hey!

That's some anthrax over there!

00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:41,853

[ Farts ]

00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:43,813

[ Laughs ]

00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:48,359

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:17:48,485 --> 00:17:50,487

Why did I ever do

those stupid commercials?

00:17:50,612 --> 00:17:52,405

All right, Jared,

you sick pervert.

00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:54,657

Do you have anything to say

before you die?

00:17:54,783 --> 00:17:57,285

Wait!

You're all making a mistake!

00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,621

Stay back, children!

Jared wants to give you AIDS!

00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:02,373

No! You don't understand.

Jared doesn't have AIDS AIDS.

00:18:02,499 --> 00:18:04,250

He has assistants -- two guys

00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:06,503

that help him lose weight

that he calls his "aides."

00:18:06,628 --> 00:18:07,921

Hmm?

- Oh.

00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:11,007

You mean Jared's aides

are like my aides?

00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:12,258

Yes!

00:18:12,383 --> 00:18:14,302

Y-You mean you all thought...

00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:15,929

Oh, my gosh!

00:18:16,054 --> 00:18:17,764

Oh, boy, do I feel stupid.

00:18:17,889 --> 00:18:19,557

Oh, we're so sorry, Jared.

00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:21,935

No, no. I-It was my fault.

I can't believe I-I --

00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:24,229

I didn't even think of what

I was saying. [ Laughs ]

00:18:24,354 --> 00:18:27,190

So he was saying children should

have help like he had.

00:18:27,315 --> 00:18:28,483

[ Laughs ]

Yeah!

00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:31,986

This has got to be about the

biggest misunderstanding ever!

00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:33,488

[ Laughter ]

00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:34,489

Oh, my God!

00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:37,075

I told my girlfriend

I wanted her to share my aides!

00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,202

Oh, no wonder she left!

[ Laughs ]

00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:40,954

[ Laughter continues ]

00:18:41,079 --> 00:18:43,039

Can -- Can you imagine

what we thought

00:18:43,164 --> 00:18:45,458

when you said

"Aides for Everyone Foundation"?

00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:46,376

[ Laughs ]

00:18:46,501 --> 00:18:48,586

Oh, brother!

[ Laughs ]

00:18:48,711 --> 00:18:51,589

[ Chuckles ]

H-Hey. We're all laughing.

00:18:51,714 --> 00:18:52,674

[ Birds chirping ]

00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:56,010

Oh, hey, yeah. We -- We would've

never laughed about this before.

00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:58,138

Well, don't you see

what this means?

00:18:58,263 --> 00:19:03,226

It's been 22.3 years, so...

AIDS is finally funny!

00:19:03,351 --> 00:19:04,894

[ Crowd gasps ]

00:19:05,019 --> 00:19:06,604

He's right.

It's happened.

00:19:06,729 --> 00:19:09,649

Hey, everybody!

AIDS is finally funny!

00:19:09,774 --> 00:19:10,567

All right!

- [ Crowd cheering ]

00:19:10,692 --> 00:19:12,861

Whoo-hoo!

- Hooray!

00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:15,613

I knew it would be funny

one day!

00:19:15,738 --> 00:19:17,407

AIDS!

[ Laughter ]

00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:19,868

Then it's time.

We can undo the banner.

00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:21,161

- [ Fanfare plays ]

- Ooh!

00:19:21,286 --> 00:19:22,328

Oh!

00:19:22,453 --> 00:19:25,165

[ Horns honking,

triumphant music playing ]

00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:30,170

Tom, I'm standing

in the town square,

00:19:30,295 --> 00:19:32,088

where just moments ago

it was declared

00:19:32,213 --> 00:19:34,299

that AIDS can finally

be joked about.

00:19:34,424 --> 00:19:36,301

What a great day for humanity.

00:19:36,426 --> 00:19:38,094

[ Laughs ]

AIDS quilt.

00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:39,095

[ Laughs ]

00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:40,555

Oh, boy, this fantastic.

00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,432

I so glad AIDS is funny now.

00:19:42,557 --> 00:19:45,059

Okay. So now do you want to use

our friend in your commercials?

00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:47,437

Sure. Okay.

I pay you 15 dollar.

00:19:47,562 --> 00:19:50,106

15 dollar?

But Jared got millions.

00:19:50,231 --> 00:19:51,941

Hey, I not Subway.

I Chitty Wok.

00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:53,860

Chitty Wok don't have

million dollar.

00:19:53,985 --> 00:19:55,570

Oh, God damn it!

00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:57,071

Just forget the whole thing,

then!

00:19:57,197 --> 00:19:57,947

Okay.

00:19:58,072 --> 00:20:00,283

Hey, you kids know

why chicken cross the road?

00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:01,993

Why?

- 'Cause it had AIDS.

00:20:02,118 --> 00:20:03,661

[ Laughs ]

00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:05,997

AIDS so funny.

[ Laughs ]

00:20:06,122 --> 00:20:07,332

Well, so much for our money.

00:20:07,457 --> 00:20:09,542

Yeah, but you know,

I've learned something today.

00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:11,836

It would've been wrong for us

to exploit Butters' weight loss

00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:13,671

because lots of fat people

would've believed it

00:20:13,796 --> 00:20:16,341

and eaten a ton of Chinese food

instead of dieting properly.

00:20:16,466 --> 00:20:17,383

They'd still be fat,

00:20:17,508 --> 00:20:19,385

and we'd be responsible

for their shattered dreams.

00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:21,930

Yeah. I don't like

shattering fat peoples' dreams.

00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:23,348

Besides, I'd get grounded.

00:20:23,473 --> 00:20:26,559

[ Gasps ] Oh, Jesus!

I'm supposed to be grounded!

00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:29,187

- [ Dramatic music plays ]

- There you are, Butters!

00:20:29,312 --> 00:20:30,772

Are my mom and dad

back home yet?

00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:32,815

No, but they're due any minute.

C'mon, you're just in time!

00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:33,650

Oh, boy!

00:20:33,775 --> 00:20:36,486

Mom and Dad didn't find out

I left the house, did they?

00:20:36,611 --> 00:20:37,695

No.

I totally covered for you.

00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:39,280

They completely believed

I was you on the phone.

00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:40,573

Oh, g-goody!

00:20:40,698 --> 00:20:41,908

I drew some pictures with crayon

00:20:42,033 --> 00:20:43,201

so it looked like you were here

all day.

00:20:43,326 --> 00:20:44,619

I ate a little food

so it looked like you ate.

00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,162

And I fed your cat.

- Perfect.

00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:48,706

I'd better get out of here

before they get back.

00:20:48,831 --> 00:20:50,583

Hey, Eric?

00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:53,419

Thanks for covering for me.

You're a real pal.

00:20:53,544 --> 00:20:56,256

Butters, it was my pleasure.

00:20:56,839 --> 00:21:00,677

[ Humming "The Tonight Show"

theme ]

00:21:02,512 --> 00:21:04,597

[ Continues humming ]

00:21:05,723 --> 00:21:07,809

[ Vehicles approaching ]

00:21:09,852 --> 00:21:11,813

[ Tires screeching ]

00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:13,064

[ Dramatic music plays ]

00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:15,108

[ Continues humming ]

00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:17,819

BUTTERS:

Hi, Mom and Dad!

00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:20,571

Don't you "Hi, Mom

and Dad" us, you little punk!

00:21:20,697 --> 00:21:21,739

[ Thud ]

Ow! Dad!

00:21:21,864 --> 00:21:24,367

You don't even know the trouble you're in!

00:21:24,492 --> 00:21:25,743

What'd I do?! What'd I do?!

00:21:25,868 --> 00:21:27,203

Do you think you're tough now?!

00:21:27,328 --> 00:21:29,038

Answer me!

- Aah!

00:21:29,163 --> 00:21:30,373

Oh, man, if I was older,

00:21:30,498 --> 00:21:33,042

I would totally start

jacking off right now.