Сущность

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♪ Gonna have myself

a time ♪

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♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

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♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

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♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

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♪ Gonna leave

my woes behind ♪

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♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:00:20,730 --> 00:00:22,231

♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

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♪ Headin' on up

to South Park ♪

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♪ Gonna see

if I can't unwind ♪

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♪ Come on down

to South Park ♪

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♪ And meet

some friends of mine ♪

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Jesus Christ!

00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:39,749

These lines

are ridiculous!

00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:41,417

I'm gonna miss

my flight.

00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,753

Excuse me, there's two other

security checkpoints.

00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:45,337

Why can't you

open those, too?

00:00:45,463 --> 00:00:47,506

Duh, I dunno nothing.

00:00:47,631 --> 00:00:49,925

But you work for the--

God damn it!

00:00:50,051 --> 00:00:51,719

Snooty Airlines

announces the arrival

00:00:51,844 --> 00:00:54,847

of Flight 239

from Connecticut.

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That's your

cousin's flight, Kyle.

00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,308

Hold the sign up

nice and high,

00:00:57,433 --> 00:00:58,559

so he can find us.

00:00:58,684 --> 00:00:59,852

What's he look like?

00:00:59,977 --> 00:01:01,187

He's your age

and about your height.

00:01:01,312 --> 00:01:02,980

I'm stoked my cousin

is coming to live with us.

00:01:03,105 --> 00:01:04,732

It'll be just like

having a brother.

00:01:04,857 --> 00:01:05,941

I thought I were!

00:01:06,067 --> 00:01:08,194

Oh, there he is,

over here, Kyle!

00:01:12,156 --> 00:01:14,408

Hello, Aunt Sheila.

00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:15,576

How was your flight?

00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:16,744

Oh, it was terrible.

00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:18,287

They recycle

the air on board,

00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:19,830

and it really did

a number on my asthma.

00:01:19,955 --> 00:01:21,373

I asked them

to turn up the oxygen

00:01:21,499 --> 00:01:22,458

and they wouldn't.

00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:23,626

You remember Uncle Jerry.

00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:25,086

Hello, Uncle Jerry.

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And these are your cousins

Ike and Kyle.

00:01:27,505 --> 00:01:28,881

Hey, dude.

- Nice to meet you.

00:01:29,006 --> 00:01:30,549

Let's get down

to the baggage claim, Kyle.

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Okay.

- Okay.

00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:32,593

Ooh, that's right!

00:01:32,718 --> 00:01:34,345

We've got two Kyles now.

00:01:34,470 --> 00:01:38,474

We'll just call you Kyle

and you can be Kyle...Two.

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Cool.

00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:41,519

Next.

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Oh, I feel like

I've run a marathon.

00:01:43,354 --> 00:01:46,690

Okay, the 2:30 flight

to Cheyenne has boarded.

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Looks like you

didn't make it.

00:01:48,192 --> 00:01:49,819

What? Well, of course

I didn't make it!

00:01:49,944 --> 00:01:51,403

The line to check in

was two hours long,

00:01:51,529 --> 00:01:52,988

and the security line

was two hours more!

00:01:53,114 --> 00:01:54,657

Yeah, no problem, though.

00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:56,826

We'll get you on the 7:00 a.m.

Flight tomorrow morning.

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I can't go tomorrow.

The Jizzfest is tonight!

00:01:59,245 --> 00:02:00,871

Would you like a window

or an aisle seat?

00:02:00,996 --> 00:02:02,414

This is unbelievable!

00:02:02,540 --> 00:02:04,500

You know, I seem to remember

when the airlines said

00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:07,920

"we need a $15 billion bailout

from the taxpayers."

00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:10,005

Mm, okay, and have any

of your personal items

00:02:10,131 --> 00:02:11,841

been out of your possession

since you left?

00:02:11,966 --> 00:02:13,634

Well, we gave them

the $15 billion,

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and they fired

their employees anyway,

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so now we have three people

to clear 400 passengers!

00:02:17,763 --> 00:02:18,722

Hey, he's right!

00:02:18,848 --> 00:02:20,057

Yeah!

00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:22,143

Okay, and bags

have been with you at all times?

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So where did

that money go?

00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:24,645

I'll tell you

where it went!

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It went right

into the pockets

00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:27,940

of the presidents

and CEOs of the airlines

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so they could keep their

multimillion-dollar salaries!

00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:31,402

Yeah!

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And here's your boarding pass

for tomorrow morning.

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You think you can treat us

however you want

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because we have to fly!

00:02:36,157 --> 00:02:37,950

Well, I'll tell you what,

Sally Sass-a-Lot.

00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:40,619

I'm gonna come up with

a new mode of transportation,

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a brand-new vehicle

00:02:42,204 --> 00:02:43,747

that'll put all you bastards

out of business!

00:02:43,873 --> 00:02:45,541

Yeah!

00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:47,084

You think

I can't do it?

00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:48,669

I got a master's degree

in mechanical engineering

00:02:48,794 --> 00:02:49,879

at Denver Community College.

00:02:50,004 --> 00:02:51,255

You watch me!

00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:52,173

Come on, everybody!

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Yeah!

00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:57,344

Can I get on

that 7:30 a.m. flight?

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Here we go, Kyle Two,

and here's yours, Kyle.

00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:04,476

Wh-what is this?

00:03:04,602 --> 00:03:05,811

Mom's special stew.

00:03:05,936 --> 00:03:06,770

She makes it every Monday,

and I love it.

00:03:06,896 --> 00:03:07,771

Oh, is this beef?

00:03:07,897 --> 00:03:09,148

Yeah, dude, it's great.

00:03:09,273 --> 00:03:10,816

Actually,

I-I can't eat beef.

00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:12,860

I have a degenerative problem

with my intestinal lining,

00:03:12,985 --> 00:03:14,820

and beef really

gives me gas.

00:03:14,945 --> 00:03:16,405

oh, I'm so sorry, Kyle!

00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:17,907

What else can I fix you?

00:03:18,032 --> 00:03:19,283

Oh, no, I-I don't want

to be a bother.

00:03:19,408 --> 00:03:20,451

Nonsense!

00:03:20,576 --> 00:03:21,493

Can't I make you

some nice pasta

00:03:21,619 --> 00:03:23,204

or a frozen fish fillet?

00:03:23,329 --> 00:03:24,705

Well, some fish would be great

00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:26,290

if it isn't too much trouble.

00:03:26,415 --> 00:03:29,418

I'll put it

in the microwave right away.

00:03:35,174 --> 00:03:37,009

Mom?

- Yes, Kyle Two?

00:03:37,134 --> 00:03:38,344

How am I related

to him again?

00:03:38,469 --> 00:03:39,720

He's your cousin,

Kyle Two.

00:03:39,845 --> 00:03:41,222

I told you already.

00:03:41,347 --> 00:03:43,766

Yeah, but like first cousin

or distant cousin?

00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,017

He's my sister's son.

00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:46,518

That makes him

your first cousin.

00:03:46,644 --> 00:03:47,937

So we have

the same blood?

00:03:48,062 --> 00:03:49,897

Now, Kyle Two,

listen to me.

00:03:50,022 --> 00:03:52,524

Kyle is going through

a very tough time in his life.

00:03:52,650 --> 00:03:54,902

His mother is very sick,

and he's in a whole new place.

00:03:55,027 --> 00:03:56,070

He's going to rely on you

00:03:56,195 --> 00:03:58,072

to make sure he fits in

at your school.

00:03:58,197 --> 00:04:00,032

What? How the hell

am I supposed to do that?

00:04:00,157 --> 00:04:01,450

I'm sure your friends

will love him.

00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:02,743

What about Cartman, huh?

00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:04,078

He rips on m e

for being Jewish.

00:04:04,203 --> 00:04:05,537

He's gonna tear

this kid apart.

00:04:05,663 --> 00:04:07,414

Kyle two,

he's your responsibility.

00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:08,916

Oh my god!

00:04:09,041 --> 00:04:10,376

I'm sure you two

will become great friends

00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:11,961

with lots of late-night

pillow talk.

00:04:12,086 --> 00:04:13,128

What do you mean?

00:04:13,254 --> 00:04:15,339

What room

is he sleeping in?

00:04:15,464 --> 00:04:17,174

What's this comforter

filled with?

00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:18,717

Oh, it isn't filled

with down, is it?

00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:21,595

I don't know, dude.

00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:24,056

it sure is quiet up here

in the mountains and dry too.

00:04:24,181 --> 00:04:25,057

Do you have

a humidifier?

00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:27,977

I don't think so.

00:04:28,102 --> 00:04:29,186

Can you take

my stupid glasses

00:04:29,311 --> 00:04:30,771

and put them

on the nightstand?

00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:31,981

Make sure

they're close by

00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:33,190

because that fish upset

my stomach,

00:04:33,315 --> 00:04:34,692

and I might need them

if I have to go

00:04:34,817 --> 00:04:35,442

to the bathroom later on.

00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:37,027

Okay.

00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:54,420

it's got to be simple.

00:04:54,545 --> 00:04:56,463

Like a moped

but with the ability to travel

00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:58,299

at much faster speeds.

00:04:58,424 --> 00:05:00,134

If the design

of our electrical moped

00:05:00,259 --> 00:05:01,385

were altered with--

00:05:01,510 --> 00:05:04,096

No, no, no, no.

This won't work either.

00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:05,597

What was wrong

with that plan?

00:05:05,723 --> 00:05:07,766

It has to be more stable,

Mr. Hat.

00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:09,893

A moped would be too dangerous

at those speeds.

00:05:10,019 --> 00:05:11,478

Damn it!

00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:13,355

Now, what if the jet power

of an aircraft

00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:16,025

Could be scaled down

into a personal vehicle?

00:05:16,150 --> 00:05:17,985

Boy, that Enrique "In-gleses"

00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:20,738

Can sure gyrate

his hot ass around.

00:05:22,573 --> 00:05:23,991

Oh, Mr. Hat,

will you stop drooling

00:05:24,116 --> 00:05:26,410

over Enrique "In-gleses" and--

00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:28,662

Wait a minute.

What did you say?

00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:31,206

I said Enrique "In-gleses"

can sure gyrate his hot ass.

00:05:31,332 --> 00:05:33,751

That's it!

Gyration!

00:05:33,876 --> 00:05:35,377

A gyroscope!

00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:37,880

It would allow

for maximum balance and yet--

00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,132

Mr. Hat,

you're a genius!

00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:42,343

It's so simple

and yet genius!

00:05:42,468 --> 00:05:44,720

Check out his hot bulge too.

00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:46,722

Hey, dude.

00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:47,890

What's that thing?

00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:49,308

Cartman,

I need to talk to you.

00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:50,601

Hello, I'm Kyle's cousin,

Kyle.

00:05:50,726 --> 00:05:51,643

Cartman, I'm gonna

make you a deal.

00:05:51,769 --> 00:05:52,644

What?

00:05:52,770 --> 00:05:54,063

That kid over there

00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:55,272

is my cousin

from the East Coast.

00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:56,899

He's having a really

hard time right now,

00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,484

so I'm gonna offer you $40

to not to rip on him.

00:05:58,609 --> 00:05:59,777

40 bucks?

00:05:59,902 --> 00:06:01,320

But you can't make fun

of him at all.

00:06:01,445 --> 00:06:03,364

No smartass comments, nothing.

- Alright, alright.

00:06:03,489 --> 00:06:05,407

And you especially

can't say anything about Jews.

00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:06,950

Oh, Jesus, why don't you

just cut off my balls?

00:06:07,076 --> 00:06:08,243

Cartman, no Jew jokes!

00:06:08,369 --> 00:06:09,787

All you have to do

is keep your mouth shut

00:06:09,912 --> 00:06:10,537

and you've got 40 bucks.

00:06:10,662 --> 00:06:13,123

Can you do it?

00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:15,334

I can't believe how cold

it is out here.

00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:17,544

It could be tough,

but I'll give it a shot.

00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:19,046

Alright.

00:06:19,171 --> 00:06:20,798

It's a real dry cold.

That's the problem.

00:06:20,923 --> 00:06:22,341

The cold air

makes me wheeze.

00:06:22,466 --> 00:06:23,759

Kyle, this is Cartman.

00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,052

He's my sort of

friend--ish.

00:06:25,177 --> 00:06:26,512

Nice to meet you,

Cartman.

00:06:26,637 --> 00:06:28,138

You know, I saw that same jacket

you're wearing

00:06:28,263 --> 00:06:29,515

at Bosco's for $29.95.

00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,016

How much was yours?

00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:32,768

I'm just wondering

if Bosco's is a rip-off.

00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:34,603

Oh, man.

- Cartman.

00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,105

Uh, it's nice

to meet you, Kyle.

00:06:36,230 --> 00:06:37,564

I can certainly tell

you're a relative

00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:39,233

of my good friend

Kyle here.

00:06:41,110 --> 00:06:42,861

What the hell

was that?

00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:45,948

Well, what the hell

was that?

00:06:47,783 --> 00:06:48,951

What the hell

was that?

00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:50,202

I don't know;

it was going so fast,

00:06:50,327 --> 00:06:51,203

I couldn't see it.

00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:52,204

But I want one.

00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:53,205

Yeah, me too!

00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,377

We've done it, Mr. Hat.

00:06:58,502 --> 00:07:00,379

Airline companies

be damned.

00:07:00,504 --> 00:07:03,215

We've invented a whole new mode

of transportation.

00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:05,259

Get some investors

on the phone.

00:07:05,384 --> 00:07:08,262

Well, what are

you waiting for?

00:07:08,387 --> 00:07:11,223

And I know you'll all be

very nice to our new student.

00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:13,434

Kyle, why don't you tell us

a little about yourself?

00:07:13,559 --> 00:07:15,394

Oh, well I grew up

in the city.

00:07:15,519 --> 00:07:16,603

I really don't care

for it.

00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:17,729

I come from

a Jewish family

00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:19,189

Which, of course,

you already know

00:07:19,314 --> 00:07:20,941

because Kyle's from

the same family.

00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:22,401

I like to read,

00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:24,194

and I have these polyps

on the backs of my hands.

00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:25,529

I don't know

what they are.

00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:26,864

Oh, my God,

I'm not gonna make it.

00:07:26,989 --> 00:07:28,365

I'm not gonna make it.

00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:30,367

Oh, and I hope one day

to be an investment banker.

00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:34,872

Uh...must fight it...

need 40 dollars.

00:07:34,997 --> 00:07:38,000

Okay, why don't you go ahead

and take a seat, Kyle?

00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:39,460

Where should I sit?

00:07:39,585 --> 00:07:40,627

There's no place

to sit down here.

00:07:40,752 --> 00:07:42,463

Yes, unfortunately,

the school seems to be

00:07:42,588 --> 00:07:43,797

completely out of

extra desks,

00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:45,382

so you'll just have to share

with your cousin.

00:07:45,507 --> 00:07:48,719

What?

- Oh, alright, then.

00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:53,807

Now let's get on

with our lesson about the--

00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:55,476

Are wooden desks

all that are available?

00:07:55,601 --> 00:07:57,102

I usually prefer

the plastic ones

00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:58,687

because these

give me splinters.

00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,314

Ugnh-ughn!

00:08:00,439 --> 00:08:01,523

I'm sorry, Kyle.

You'll just have to make do.

00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:02,649

Now let's get

back to the les--

00:08:02,774 --> 00:08:03,859

Is it cold in here?

00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:04,985

I realize we're

in the mountains,

00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:06,153

but do we have to freeze

to death?

00:08:06,278 --> 00:08:07,654

Now, Kyle, I need you

to be quiet.

00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:09,907

In my class, you need

to be able to concentrate.

00:08:10,032 --> 00:08:12,784

Concentration is the key

to succeeding in my class.

00:08:12,910 --> 00:08:14,620

Maybe we'll have to send him

to concentration camp.

00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:16,830

Ah! Damn it,

damn it, damn it!

00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:17,581

Cartman!

00:08:21,293 --> 00:08:23,462

Kindergarten teacher

Herbert Garrison

00:08:23,587 --> 00:08:25,547

has apparently invented

a new vehicle

00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:28,050

which will give the airlines

a run for their money.

00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:30,219

Mr. Garrison is putting

the final touches

00:08:30,344 --> 00:08:33,472

on his top secret device,

which he simply calls "It."

00:08:33,597 --> 00:08:35,891

So what exactly

is "It"?

00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,684

Here with a report

is a Hispanic man

00:08:37,809 --> 00:08:39,311

with some gravy stains

on his lapel.

00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:42,189

Thanks, Tom--

oh--thanks, Tom.

00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:44,358

So far, Herbert Garrison

hasn't let anyone

00:08:44,483 --> 00:08:46,026

get a look

at his invention.

00:08:46,151 --> 00:08:48,737

He claims that the vehicle

is so genius and revolutionary

00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,739

that it could cause

one's eyes to bleed

00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:52,658

if not properly prepared

to see it.

00:08:52,783 --> 00:08:55,202

But earlier today,

HBC news got footage

00:08:55,327 --> 00:08:57,829

of some of the country's top

investors and richest people

00:08:57,955 --> 00:09:00,624

who have been invited

for a first look, including:

00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:01,667

Steve Forbes,

00:09:01,792 --> 00:09:03,085

Steve Jobs,

00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:04,169

Ted Turner,

00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:05,420

Donald Trump,

00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:06,838

Bill Gates,

00:09:06,964 --> 00:09:08,715

and Yasmine Bleeth.

00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,134

Their curiosity is piqued, Tom,

and so is ours.

00:09:11,260 --> 00:09:12,553

What is "It"?

00:09:12,678 --> 00:09:14,179

What does "It" do?

00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:17,224

And when will "It" be somewhere

where I can buy one?

00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:21,770

Reporting live,

Jeff Arrrrrrando, HBC news.

00:09:24,398 --> 00:09:26,233

You need to learn to play

some sports, Kyle,

00:09:26,358 --> 00:09:27,734

so we're gonna start with

a tough one called

00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:29,236

"catch the ball."

00:09:29,361 --> 00:09:31,697

I throw the football to you.

You throw it back to me.

00:09:31,822 --> 00:09:34,074

Oh, but isn't the cold air

making the ball really hard?

00:09:34,199 --> 00:09:35,450

It's gonna hurt

my hands.

00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:36,451

It's fine.

00:09:36,577 --> 00:09:37,452

Alright, then.

00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:38,704

H-how do I catch it?

00:09:38,829 --> 00:09:40,038

it's a football dude.

00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:41,456

You just put your arms

out and catch it.

00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:44,751

Alright,

here we go!

00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:49,172

Now what?

- Now throw it back to me.

00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:50,882

But it's down

in the snow!

00:09:51,008 --> 00:09:52,175

So dig it out.

00:09:52,301 --> 00:09:53,635

But I'll get snow

on my gloves,

00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,762

and then it will melt,

and I'll have wet hands.

00:09:55,887 --> 00:09:57,389

Well, then we'll dry them off.

00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:58,432

Alright, then.

00:09:58,557 --> 00:09:59,474

Oh my God.

00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:00,934

Kyle, Kyle!

00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:02,561

I just found out

that in World War II,

00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:05,272

Some Jewish people were sent

to concentration camps.

00:10:05,397 --> 00:10:07,107

Yeah, they were, Cartman.

00:10:07,232 --> 00:10:08,400

Oh, and see,

I didn't realize that,

00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:10,152

but I understand now

how you might've thought

00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:12,112

what I said in the classroom

was a racial slur,

00:10:12,237 --> 00:10:13,363

but see, I had no idea!

00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:15,324

You did, too!

You are so full of crap.

00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:16,825

No, I'm seriously.

00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:19,369

Because I was talking to Craig,

and Craig was all like,

00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:21,038

"Hey, did you know

that in World War II,

00:10:21,163 --> 00:10:22,497

they really had

concentration camps?"

00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:24,082

And I was all like,

"no way!"

00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:25,917

And then this little light

went on in my head, like,

00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:28,003

"aw, man, no wonder Kyle

thought what I said in class,

00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,421

see, was directed

at his cousin."

00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:31,798

But-but I was literally talking

about a concentration camp,

00:10:31,923 --> 00:10:33,800

you know, where you go

for a week to learn and focus.

00:10:33,925 --> 00:10:35,927

Oh, man, what

a misunderstanding, huh?

00:10:36,053 --> 00:10:36,970

You blew the deal,

Cartman.

00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:38,597

God damn it, give me

another chance!

00:10:38,722 --> 00:10:40,766

Nuh-uh. I knew you were gonna

make fun of my lame cousin

00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:42,476

so I offered you

the 40 bucks not to rip on him.

00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:43,727

You ripped on him.

Deal's off.

00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:45,937

You did what?

- Oh, no.

00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:47,481

Ha-ha, serves you right,

asshole.

00:10:47,606 --> 00:10:51,151

You-you paid your friends

to not make fun of me?

00:10:51,276 --> 00:10:53,403

Look, it's not because

anything's wrong with you.

00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:56,573

Wow, you think it takes $40

to get people to like me.

00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:58,408

Kyle, I'm sorry.

00:10:58,533 --> 00:10:59,951

Because I mean, I really think

you could've done it

00:11:00,077 --> 00:11:00,869

for about $12.50.

00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,454

What?

00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:04,247

I mean, you didn't just

start at $40 did you?

00:11:04,373 --> 00:11:06,333

You gotta low-ball these things,

so you have a place to go.

00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:09,419

Oh, dude!

00:11:09,544 --> 00:11:11,463

Boy, it sure is dry

out here.

00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:15,175

Gentlemen, imagine being able

to travel safely

00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:17,177

at incredibly fast speeds

00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:21,056

and not having to go to

the stupid fart-face airports.

00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:24,226

That sounds incredible,

Mr. Garrison!

00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:25,936

It is incredible,

Mr. Hat.

00:11:26,061 --> 00:11:27,646

And what makes it possible is

00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:30,691

"It's" patented

gyroscope design.

00:11:30,816 --> 00:11:34,361

Gentlemen, I give you...

"It."

00:11:34,486 --> 00:11:35,862

Ooh!

00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:37,280

Nice!

Sleek!

00:11:37,406 --> 00:11:39,574

"It" gets over 300 miles

to the gallon

00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:43,704

and is safely capable of speeds

of over 200 miles per hour.

00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:45,122

Wow!

00:11:45,247 --> 00:11:46,581

This will change

everything.

00:11:46,707 --> 00:11:48,500

We're going to have

to re-think cities.

00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:52,337

Now, "It" is easily operated

using four flexi-grip handles.

00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:54,798

Two of them are

on each side:

00:11:54,923 --> 00:11:57,843

left side for throttle,

right side for steering.

00:11:57,968 --> 00:12:01,096

The third flexigrip is

gently inserted into the anus

00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:03,098

to keep the driver

in place.

00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:07,352

Oh.

00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:08,854

Oh?

00:12:08,979 --> 00:12:10,480

There we go.

00:12:10,605 --> 00:12:13,233

Now the final flexigrip is

directly in front of the driver

00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:15,444

so that small switches

can be operated with the mouth

00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:17,863

as such...

00:12:17,988 --> 00:12:20,449

Put the four together

and we're ready to go.

00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:26,496

Oh my God!

00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:27,664

Look at it go!

00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:31,168

But the way it works,

00:12:31,293 --> 00:12:33,336

do you really think people

will go through that to travel?

00:12:33,462 --> 00:12:35,547

Hey, it still beats what you

go through at the airports.

00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:36,673

True.

- Yep.

00:12:36,798 --> 00:12:38,800

Yeah, that's true.

- Yeah.

00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:40,260

I can't take it anymore,

Stan.

00:12:40,385 --> 00:12:41,595

My cousin's been here

for two weeks,

00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:42,763

and he's driving me insane.

00:12:42,888 --> 00:12:43,472

I know, dude,

every kid in school

00:12:43,597 --> 00:12:44,890

wants to kick his ass.

00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:45,932

I spent five years

in this town

00:12:46,057 --> 00:12:47,267

making a good name

for Jews and this...

00:12:47,392 --> 00:12:48,977

This stereotype shows up

and wrecks it all!

00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,395

You know

what my biggest fear is?

00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:51,480

That I'll become him.

00:12:51,605 --> 00:12:52,606

That somehow his mannerisms

00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:53,732

will start rubbing off on me,

00:12:53,857 --> 00:12:55,442

and I'll become a stereotype.

00:12:55,567 --> 00:12:57,110

I mean, I'm a Jew,

and he's making m e hate Jews.

00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:59,237

dude, a self-hating Jew--

you a re becoming a stereotype!

00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:01,323

See?

- I'm back.

00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:02,824

Ah!

- Later, dude.

00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:29,893

Tom, the day

is finally here.

00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:32,229

"It" has arrived

for retail sale

00:13:32,354 --> 00:13:34,272

and people are getting

their first look at it.

00:13:34,397 --> 00:13:36,650

Okay, good,

just step through here...

00:13:36,775 --> 00:13:38,068

And then this

is your steering,

00:13:38,193 --> 00:13:39,110

and here's

your throttle.

00:13:39,236 --> 00:13:41,530

Okay...

00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:43,365

Okay, now you're just

gonna feel a little pinch...

00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,200

Arrgh!

00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:46,618

It's alright.

It's just locking you in.

00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:48,453

Just take it.

- Ahh!

00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:50,372

Doing great, Kathy.

How's that ride?

00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:51,998

Mmph-mm-mhmph!

00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:54,376

Okay, now use your mouth

to operate the turn signals,

00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:55,919

and you're off.

00:14:01,967 --> 00:14:04,177

Great, who else wants

to give "It" a spin?

00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:11,101

Oh, man,

is that the "It"?

00:14:11,226 --> 00:14:12,894

Yeah.

- How is "It"?

00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:16,022

Well, it beats dealing with

the airline companies.

00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:17,357

That's for sure.

00:14:21,111 --> 00:14:22,362

I don't know

about this, guys.

00:14:22,487 --> 00:14:23,989

I think sleds

are dangerous.

00:14:24,114 --> 00:14:25,866

Look, Kyle, sledding is

something all kids out here do.

00:14:25,991 --> 00:14:27,242

You've gotta learn.

00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:28,910

It seems like I might

get splinters, though.

00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:30,495

Remember, just hold on.

00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:32,956

No matter how long

the sledding run lasts, hold on.

00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:33,999

Hold on.

I see.

00:14:36,251 --> 00:14:38,044

Oh, Jesus,

the sled is going fast!

00:14:39,629 --> 00:14:40,964

Hang on!

00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:42,048

I have to watch out

for my glasses.

00:14:42,173 --> 00:14:45,010

Ow, ow, it's so cold.

Oh, Jesus!

00:14:45,135 --> 00:14:46,595

How far do you think

it is to Connecticut?

00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,138

It's at least

a couple hours.

00:14:48,263 --> 00:14:49,139

Think he'll be alright?

- He's fine.

00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,144

Are you tired of

corporate airline companies

00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:55,812

treating you like

a worthless sardine?

00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:58,189

Tired of ridiculous lines and

horrible security at airports?

00:14:58,315 --> 00:15:01,443

Well, now there's an alternative

to airline travel, "It"!

00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:03,236

"It" has taken

the country by storm.

00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:04,821

And already 2 million

have been sold.

00:15:04,946 --> 00:15:06,531

Never have another

important business trip

00:15:06,656 --> 00:15:08,408

ruined by airline

incompetence.

00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:09,492

Hey, ladies!

00:15:09,618 --> 00:15:11,494

How did you get

to the Grand Canyon?

00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:16,458

"It" comes in sizes available

for the entire family.

00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:19,169

Here you go, Robbie.

00:15:19,294 --> 00:15:20,545

Hello, I'm John Travolta.

00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:22,756

I used to rely on airlines

to get me to set,

00:15:22,881 --> 00:15:24,507

but once I got used to "It,"

00:15:24,633 --> 00:15:25,926

I found "It" to be

a little less painful

00:15:26,051 --> 00:15:27,510

than dealing with

the airline companies.

00:15:27,636 --> 00:15:30,388

I just power up

the flexigrips...

00:15:36,728 --> 00:15:40,440

and I'm ready to go.

Thank you, "It".

00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:42,067

So, join the millions

of Americans

00:15:42,192 --> 00:15:44,277

who have found a little bit more

comfortable way of traveling.

00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:45,737

Order yours today.

00:15:45,862 --> 00:15:48,281

And remember our slogan:

" 'It's' better than flying."

00:15:48,406 --> 00:15:50,367

Hmm, that looks pretty gay.

00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:54,120

Kyle Two,

where is Kyle?

00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:55,288

I don't know, Mom.

00:15:55,413 --> 00:15:56,289

Last time I saw him,

he was sledding.

00:15:56,414 --> 00:15:57,999

Where on earth

could he be?

00:15:58,124 --> 00:15:59,459

You know, it's possible he just

went back to Connecticut.

00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:00,835

What?

00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:02,629

I mean, maybe he got

so worried about his mom

00:16:02,754 --> 00:16:04,130

that he found a way

to get back and see her.

00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:05,507

Don't be ridiculous,

Kyle Two!

00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:06,925

He's out playing

with his new friends.

00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:08,843

I'm just throwing it

out there as a possibility.

00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,348

I'm back!

- Ah!

00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:14,975

I'm sorry, you must've

been worried sick.

00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:16,851

I got your sled

tangled up with a bus.

00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:18,144

A bus, really?

00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:19,938

Kyle, what happened to you?

00:16:20,063 --> 00:16:22,023

I was just sledding,

and then the next thing I knew,

00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:23,775

My sled rope got

tangled with a bus.

00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:25,485

I got dragged

for over 100 miles

00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:27,529

before the bus

finally stopped for gas.

00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:29,406

I'm sorry about your sled, Kyle.

00:16:29,531 --> 00:16:30,699

Oh, no, don't worry

about it, dude.

00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:32,409

Oh, you poor thing!

00:16:32,534 --> 00:16:34,244

Come upstairs and we'll get you

out of those wet clothes.

00:16:34,369 --> 00:16:35,662

Are you alright?

00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:37,330

My ears feel like

they're frozen off.

00:16:37,455 --> 00:16:38,623

And I think I have

a hemorrhoid

00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:40,291

from sitting

on the sled for so long...

00:16:43,962 --> 00:16:46,006

♪ We're in the money,

Mr. Hat ♪

00:16:46,131 --> 00:16:48,550

♪ We're in the money,

Mr. Hat ♪

00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:50,468

Oh, hi, Jimbo,

can I help you?

00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:52,762

Yeah, I wanted to order

that theft alarm for my "It".

00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:54,889

Oh, right, right,

take a seat.

00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:56,641

That's okay, I'll stand.

00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:58,143

What do you think, Mr. Marsh?

00:16:58,268 --> 00:16:59,769

All set to put

a down payment on that baby?

00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:02,022

Well, yeah, but I just

had one question

00:17:02,147 --> 00:17:03,106

about the way

it works.

00:17:03,231 --> 00:17:04,357

Sure!

00:17:04,482 --> 00:17:06,401

Well, it seems

all the buttons

00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,278

on these front

and rear flexigrips

00:17:08,403 --> 00:17:10,363

are also found on the side

of the vehicle.

00:17:10,488 --> 00:17:11,865

Yep.

00:17:11,990 --> 00:17:13,950

Well, so, they don't

really do anything.

00:17:14,075 --> 00:17:15,744

Right.

00:17:15,869 --> 00:17:17,287

So then couldn't I just

order one that works

00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:19,581

without going in and out

of my ass and mouth?

00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:25,879

Well, I guess you could.

00:17:26,004 --> 00:17:27,464

Huh? What's that?

What did he say?

00:17:29,758 --> 00:17:31,051

I don't know

about this guys.

00:17:31,176 --> 00:17:32,802

I think playing

hide-and-seek in the airport

00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:34,012

might be dangerous.

00:17:34,137 --> 00:17:35,555

Kyle, we told you,

kids in Colorado

00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:37,015

all play hide-and-seek

at the airport.

00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:38,475

Yeah, as soon as we

get to the concourse

00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:39,517

You'll see how

fun it is.

00:17:39,642 --> 00:17:40,810

This is taking

too long.

00:17:40,935 --> 00:17:42,228

The flight to Connecticut

is gonna leave.

00:17:42,353 --> 00:17:43,855

Hey, can we speed

things up here?

00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:47,067

Duh, sorry but ever since

that "It" thing came out,

00:17:47,192 --> 00:17:49,819

the airlines have had

to cut back on employees.

00:17:49,944 --> 00:17:51,613

Dude,

we're the only ones here!

00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:53,865

How long does it take to get

five people through security?

00:17:53,990 --> 00:17:55,742

Duh, let's see...

00:17:55,867 --> 00:18:00,413

Four people

plus, times, divided...

00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:04,334

Two hours domestic,

three hours international.

00:18:04,459 --> 00:18:06,419

Can't we just play

hide-and-seek at home?

00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:07,879

No.

- Aha!

00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:10,173

What's this?

A toenail clipper!

00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:12,175

Die, terrorist!

00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:13,927

Oh, Jesus!

00:18:14,052 --> 00:18:15,512

See, we do these checks

for a reason.

00:18:15,637 --> 00:18:17,222

This is ridiculous.

Come on!

00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:24,562

Okay, Cartman,

You're it, start counting.

00:18:24,687 --> 00:18:26,689

1, 2, 3...

00:18:26,815 --> 00:18:27,941

Here, Kyle,

you hide in here.

00:18:28,066 --> 00:18:29,442

In there?

But it's very confined.

00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:30,485

I'll get cramps

in my legs.

00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:31,611

Just get in the box!

00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:33,696

Alright, then.

00:18:33,822 --> 00:18:34,614

Oh, would you

look at that!

00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:36,282

I've got a corn

on my ankle.

00:18:36,407 --> 00:18:37,867

Now, where did that one

come from?

00:18:37,992 --> 00:18:38,993

That's the fourth one

I've had.

00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:42,330

These corns

are killing me.

00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:43,414

I hope he doesn't

suffocate.

00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:44,791

He's fine.

00:18:44,916 --> 00:18:46,751

Yeah, he'll be way better off

back home.

00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:50,380

Oh, Jesus, this box

is going fast!

00:18:50,505 --> 00:18:52,382

Oh, I did it again!

00:19:00,014 --> 00:19:02,016

Excuse me!

What the hell are you doing?

00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:03,768

It's alright.

We're with the government.

00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:04,769

We're just

shutting you down.

00:19:04,894 --> 00:19:06,146

Shutting me down.

Why?

00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:07,897

The airlines are

in desperate trouble.

00:19:08,022 --> 00:19:09,607

Your vehicle is causing them

to lose money.

00:19:09,732 --> 00:19:11,192

Yeah, well, that was

the point, dingleberry.

00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:12,527

Put that down!

00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:13,820

Right, so the government

00:19:13,945 --> 00:19:15,280

is bailing out the airlines

out again

00:19:15,405 --> 00:19:17,115

by shutting you down

and making "It"'s illegal.

00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:20,243

Oh, God damn it!

You better be kidding!

00:19:20,368 --> 00:19:21,744

Sir, many people

work for the airlines.

00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:23,163

We can't let them

all be fired.

00:19:23,288 --> 00:19:25,081

The airline companies

are losing money

00:19:25,206 --> 00:19:26,583

because of

their own incompetence

00:19:26,708 --> 00:19:28,459

and their own inefficiency!

00:19:28,585 --> 00:19:30,253

That may be true,

but if you build, sell,

00:19:30,378 --> 00:19:33,131

or ride another "It",

it will be the last time.

00:19:33,256 --> 00:19:35,842

Have a nice night!

00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:39,679

Arrrrgh!

Airline motherfuckers!

00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:42,015

You pieces of shit!

00:19:42,140 --> 00:19:45,018

Cocksucking

sons of bitch airlines!

00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:49,397

Oh, it's been days.

Where can he be?

00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:50,732

I don't know, ma.

00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:51,858

It's like he vanished

into thin air.

00:19:51,983 --> 00:19:53,401

I'm going to call

the police again.

00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:55,403

Kyle Two, go down to

the playground and look there.

00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:56,863

I already checked

the playground, ma.

00:19:56,988 --> 00:19:58,656

I told you

he isn't really--

00:19:58,781 --> 00:20:01,117

I'm back.

- Ahhh!

00:20:01,242 --> 00:20:02,869

Kyle, you're back!

00:20:02,994 --> 00:20:04,204

Yeah, it was

the craziest thing.

00:20:04,329 --> 00:20:05,872

I hid myself on a plane

to Antarctica.

00:20:05,997 --> 00:20:07,582

Oh, it was so dry

down there.

00:20:11,836 --> 00:20:13,254

So, dude,

did Cartman's idea work?

00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:15,131

No, I tried getting my cousin

lost in the woods,

00:20:15,256 --> 00:20:16,216

but a stupid bear

brought him home.

00:20:16,341 --> 00:20:18,051

Damn!

00:20:18,176 --> 00:20:18,676

Just have to face facts

that I'm gonna live with

00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:20,511

my crappy cousin forever.

00:20:20,637 --> 00:20:22,972

Well, Kyle,

I-I gotta go.

00:20:23,097 --> 00:20:24,432

What?

00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:25,767

Yeah, I've gotta get

back to Connecticut.

00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:26,893

Now that things

have changed for Kyle,

00:20:27,018 --> 00:20:28,269

his mother needs him back.

00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:29,812

Do you promise?

00:20:29,938 --> 00:20:31,314

I mean, oh,

that's too bad, dude.

00:20:31,439 --> 00:20:32,774

What changed for you?

00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:34,442

Well, I-I invested

in that "It" thing,

00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:35,944

and there was a bailout,

00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:37,987

so I received a $5 million

bailout clause check,

00:20:38,112 --> 00:20:39,906

which I can use

to help my family.

00:20:40,031 --> 00:20:41,741

So I-I guess good-bye, Cousin.

00:20:41,866 --> 00:20:44,285

Okay, see ya, Cousin,

hope to see you soon.

00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:45,578

Not too soon, I hope.

00:20:45,703 --> 00:20:47,288

Yeah.

00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:49,999

$5 million?

00:20:50,124 --> 00:20:52,126

Dude, dude, dude,

you have $5 million?

00:20:52,252 --> 00:20:54,128

Yeah, I don't know

what to do with it, though.

00:20:54,254 --> 00:20:55,338

Well, see ya.

00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:57,423

Wait, Kyle,

this may sound crazy...

00:20:57,548 --> 00:20:59,217

But I think

you should stay.

00:20:59,342 --> 00:21:00,301

Yeah!

- Yeah!

00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:01,594

Really?

- Yeah.

00:21:01,719 --> 00:21:04,264

You see, I've learned

something today.

00:21:04,389 --> 00:21:08,476

Sometimes people have trouble

fitting in at school and, um...

00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:09,644

Let's see,

what did I learn about?

00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:11,062

What did I learn

about that?

00:21:11,187 --> 00:21:12,647

I learned that you

shouldn't judge somebody

00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:13,982

because that--no, wait...

00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:15,692

No, that was good.

What were you gonna say?

00:21:15,817 --> 00:21:17,735

Listen, guys, I appreciate you

wanting me around,

00:21:17,860 --> 00:21:20,280

but the fact of

the matter is...well,

00:21:20,405 --> 00:21:22,865

you guys are just

kind of douche bags.

00:21:22,991 --> 00:21:24,575

Wha?

00:21:24,701 --> 00:21:26,703

I mean, you people are all

just such hick, jock rednecks.

00:21:26,828 --> 00:21:28,746

It's like you're right out

of a stereotype catalog.

00:21:28,871 --> 00:21:30,123

I-I can't take it.

See ya!

00:21:33,251 --> 00:21:35,295

Dude...weak.

00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:36,671

Good job, Jew!

00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:11,846

♪ Gonna have myself

a time ♪

00:00:11,971 --> 00:00:13,639

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:15,433

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,558 --> 00:00:16,475

♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,602

♪ Gonna leave

my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,604

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:00:20,730 --> 00:00:22,231

♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:23,524

♪ Headin' on up

to South Park ♪

00:00:23,649 --> 00:00:25,860

♪ Gonna see

if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,985 --> 00:00:28,821

♪ [muffled] ♪

00:00:28,946 --> 00:00:30,322

♪ Come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:30,448 --> 00:00:32,324

♪ And meet

some friends of mine ♪

00:00:36,996 --> 00:00:38,247

Jesus Christ!

00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:39,749

These lines

are ridiculous!

00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:41,417

I'm gonna miss

my flight.

00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,753

Excuse me, there's two other

security checkpoints.

00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:45,337

Why can't you

open those, too?

00:00:45,463 --> 00:00:47,506

Duh, I dunno nothing.

00:00:47,631 --> 00:00:49,925

But you work for the--

God damn it!

00:00:50,051 --> 00:00:51,719

Snooty Airlines

announces the arrival

00:00:51,844 --> 00:00:54,847

of Flight 239

from Connecticut.

00:00:54,972 --> 00:00:56,265

That's your

cousin's flight, Kyle.

00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,308

Hold the sign up

nice and high,

00:00:57,433 --> 00:00:58,559

so he can find us.

00:00:58,684 --> 00:00:59,852

What's he look like?

00:00:59,977 --> 00:01:01,187

He's your age

and about your height.

00:01:01,312 --> 00:01:02,980

I'm stoked my cousin

is coming to live with us.

00:01:03,105 --> 00:01:04,732

It'll be just like

having a brother.

00:01:04,857 --> 00:01:05,941

I thought I were!

00:01:06,067 --> 00:01:08,194

Oh, there he is,

over here, Kyle!

00:01:12,156 --> 00:01:14,408

Hello, Aunt Sheila.

00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:15,576

How was your flight?

00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:16,744

Oh, it was terrible.

00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:18,287

They recycle

the air on board,

00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:19,830

and it really did

a number on my asthma.

00:01:19,955 --> 00:01:21,373

I asked them

to turn up the oxygen

00:01:21,499 --> 00:01:22,458

and they wouldn't.

00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:23,626

You remember Uncle Jerry.

00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:25,086

Hello, Uncle Jerry.

00:01:25,211 --> 00:01:27,379

And these are your cousins

Ike and Kyle.

00:01:27,505 --> 00:01:28,881

Hey, dude.

- Nice to meet you.

00:01:29,006 --> 00:01:30,549

Let's get down

to the baggage claim, Kyle.

00:01:30,674 --> 00:01:31,550

Okay.

- Okay.

00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:32,593

Ooh, that's right!

00:01:32,718 --> 00:01:34,345

We've got two Kyles now.

00:01:34,470 --> 00:01:38,474

We'll just call you Kyle

and you can be Kyle...Two.

00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:39,892

Cool.

00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:41,519

Next.

00:01:41,644 --> 00:01:43,229

Oh, I feel like

I've run a marathon.

00:01:43,354 --> 00:01:46,690

Okay, the 2:30 flight

to Cheyenne has boarded.

00:01:46,816 --> 00:01:48,067

Looks like you

didn't make it.

00:01:48,192 --> 00:01:49,819

What? Well, of course

I didn't make it!

00:01:49,944 --> 00:01:51,403

The line to check in

was two hours long,

00:01:51,529 --> 00:01:52,988

and the security line

was two hours more!

00:01:53,114 --> 00:01:54,657

Yeah, no problem, though.

00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:56,826

We'll get you on the 7:00 a.m.

Flight tomorrow morning.

00:01:56,951 --> 00:01:59,120

I can't go tomorrow.

The Jizzfest is tonight!

00:01:59,245 --> 00:02:00,871

Would you like a window

or an aisle seat?

00:02:00,996 --> 00:02:02,414

This is unbelievable!

00:02:02,540 --> 00:02:04,500

You know, I seem to remember

when the airlines said

00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:07,920

"we need a $15 billion bailout

from the taxpayers."

00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:10,005

Mm, okay, and have any

of your personal items

00:02:10,131 --> 00:02:11,841

been out of your possession

since you left?

00:02:11,966 --> 00:02:13,634

Well, we gave them

the $15 billion,

00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:15,302

and they fired

their employees anyway,

00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:17,638

so now we have three people

to clear 400 passengers!

00:02:17,763 --> 00:02:18,722

Hey, he's right!

00:02:18,848 --> 00:02:20,057

All: Yeah!

00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:22,143

Okay, and bags

have been with you at all times?

00:02:22,268 --> 00:02:23,602

So where did

that money go?

00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:24,645

I'll tell you

where it went!

00:02:24,770 --> 00:02:26,105

It went right

into the pockets

00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:27,940

of the presidents

and CEOs of the airlines

00:02:28,065 --> 00:02:29,775

so they could keep their

multimillion-dollar salaries!

00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:31,402

All: Yeah!

00:02:31,527 --> 00:02:33,070

And here's your boarding pass

for tomorrow morning.

00:02:33,195 --> 00:02:34,530

You think you can treat us

however you want

00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,031

because we have to fly!

00:02:36,157 --> 00:02:37,950

Well, I'll tell you what,

Sally Sass-a-Lot.

00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:40,619

I'm gonna come up with

a new mode of transportation,

00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:42,079

a brand-new vehicle

00:02:42,204 --> 00:02:43,747

that'll put all you bastards

out of business!

00:02:43,873 --> 00:02:45,541

All: Yeah!

00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:47,084

You think

I can't do it?

00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:48,669

I got a master's degree

in mechanical engineering

00:02:48,794 --> 00:02:49,879

at Denver Community College.

00:02:50,004 --> 00:02:51,255

You watch me!

00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:52,173

Come on, everybody!

00:02:52,298 --> 00:02:53,174

All: Yeah!

00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:57,344

Can I get on

that 7:30 a.m. flight?

00:02:59,263 --> 00:03:03,225

Here we go, Kyle Two,

and here's yours, Kyle.

00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:04,476

Wh-what is this?

00:03:04,602 --> 00:03:05,811

Mom's special stew.

00:03:05,936 --> 00:03:06,770

She makes it every Monday,

and I love it.

00:03:06,896 --> 00:03:07,771

Oh, is this beef?

00:03:07,897 --> 00:03:09,148

Yeah, dude, it's great.

00:03:09,273 --> 00:03:10,816

Actually,

I-I can't eat beef.

00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:12,860

I have a degenerative problem

with my intestinal lining,

00:03:12,985 --> 00:03:14,820

and beef really

gives me gas.

00:03:14,945 --> 00:03:16,405

oh, I'm so sorry, Kyle!

00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:17,907

What else can I fix you?

00:03:18,032 --> 00:03:19,283

Oh, no, I-I don't want

to be a bother.

00:03:19,408 --> 00:03:20,451

Nonsense!

00:03:20,576 --> 00:03:21,493

Can't I make you

some nice pasta

00:03:21,619 --> 00:03:23,204

or a frozen fish fillet?

00:03:23,329 --> 00:03:24,705

Well, some fish would be great

00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:26,290

if it isn't too much trouble.

00:03:26,415 --> 00:03:29,418

I'll put it

in the microwave right away.

00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:32,838

[wheezing]

00:03:35,174 --> 00:03:37,009

Mom?

- Yes, Kyle Two?

00:03:37,134 --> 00:03:38,344

How am I related

to him again?

00:03:38,469 --> 00:03:39,720

He's your cousin,

Kyle Two.

00:03:39,845 --> 00:03:41,222

I told you already.

00:03:41,347 --> 00:03:43,766

Yeah, but like first cousin

or distant cousin?

00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,017

He's my sister's son.

00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:46,518

That makes him

your first cousin.

00:03:46,644 --> 00:03:47,937

So we have

the same blood?

00:03:48,062 --> 00:03:49,897

Now, Kyle Two,

listen to me.

00:03:50,022 --> 00:03:52,524

Kyle is going through

a very tough time in his life.

00:03:52,650 --> 00:03:54,902

His mother is very sick,

and he's in a whole new place.

00:03:55,027 --> 00:03:56,070

He's going to rely on you

00:03:56,195 --> 00:03:58,072

to make sure he fits in

at your school.

00:03:58,197 --> 00:04:00,032

What? How the hell

am I supposed to do that?

00:04:00,157 --> 00:04:01,450

I'm sure your friends

will love him.

00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:02,743

What about Cartman, huh?

00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:04,078

He rips on m e

for being Jewish.

00:04:04,203 --> 00:04:05,537

He's gonna tear

this kid apart.

00:04:05,663 --> 00:04:07,414

Kyle two,

he's your responsibility.

00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:08,916

Oh my god!

00:04:09,041 --> 00:04:10,376

I'm sure you two

will become great friends

00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:11,961

with lots of late-night

pillow talk.

00:04:12,086 --> 00:04:13,128

What do you mean?

00:04:13,254 --> 00:04:15,339

What room

is he sleeping in?

00:04:15,464 --> 00:04:17,174

What's this comforter

filled with?

00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:18,717

Oh, it isn't filled

with down, is it?

00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:21,595

I don't know, dude.

00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:24,056

it sure is quiet up here

in the mountains and dry too.

00:04:24,181 --> 00:04:25,057

Do you have

a humidifier?

00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:27,977

I don't think so.

00:04:28,102 --> 00:04:29,186

Can you take

my stupid glasses

00:04:29,311 --> 00:04:30,771

and put them

on the nightstand?

00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:31,981

Make sure

they're close by

00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:33,190

because that fish upset

my stomach,

00:04:33,315 --> 00:04:34,692

and I might need them

if I have to go

00:04:34,817 --> 00:04:35,442

to the bathroom later on.

00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:37,027

Okay.

00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:41,573

[breathing heavily]

00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:54,420

it's got to be simple.

00:04:54,545 --> 00:04:56,463

Like a moped

but with the ability to travel

00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:58,299

at much faster speeds.

00:04:58,424 --> 00:05:00,134

If the design

of our electrical moped

00:05:00,259 --> 00:05:01,385

were altered with--

00:05:01,510 --> 00:05:04,096

No, no, no, no.

This won't work either.

00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:05,597

What was wrong

with that plan?

00:05:05,723 --> 00:05:07,766

It has to be more stable,

Mr. Hat.

00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:09,893

A moped would be too dangerous

at those speeds.

00:05:10,019 --> 00:05:11,478

Damn it!

00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:13,355

Now, what if the jet power

of an aircraft

00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:16,025

Could be scaled down

into a personal vehicle?

00:05:16,150 --> 00:05:17,985

Boy, that Enrique "In-gleses"

00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:20,738

Can sure gyrate

his hot ass around.

00:05:20,863 --> 00:05:22,448

[singing on TV]

00:05:22,573 --> 00:05:23,991

Oh, Mr. Hat,

will you stop drooling

00:05:24,116 --> 00:05:26,410

over Enrique "In-gleses" and--

00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:28,662

Wait a minute.

What did you say?

00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:31,206

I said Enrique "In-gleses"

can sure gyrate his hot ass.

00:05:31,332 --> 00:05:33,751

That's it!

Gyration!

00:05:33,876 --> 00:05:35,377

A gyroscope!

00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:37,880

It would allow

for maximum balance and yet--

00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,132

Mr. Hat,

you're a genius!

00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:42,343

It's so simple

and yet genius!

00:05:42,468 --> 00:05:44,720

Check out his hot bulge too.

00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:46,722

Hey, dude.

00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:47,890

What's that thing?

00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:49,308

Cartman,

I need to talk to you.

00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:50,601

Hello, I'm Kyle's cousin,

Kyle.

00:05:50,726 --> 00:05:51,643

Cartman, I'm gonna

make you a deal.

00:05:51,769 --> 00:05:52,644

What?

00:05:52,770 --> 00:05:54,063

That kid over there

00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:55,272

is my cousin

from the East Coast.

00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:56,899

He's having a really

hard time right now,

00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,484

so I'm gonna offer you $40

to not to rip on him.

00:05:58,609 --> 00:05:59,777

40 bucks?

00:05:59,902 --> 00:06:01,320

But you can't make fun

of him at all.

00:06:01,445 --> 00:06:03,364

No smartass comments, nothing.

- Alright, alright.

00:06:03,489 --> 00:06:05,407

And you especially

can't say anything about Jews.

00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:06,950

Oh, Jesus, why don't you

just cut off my balls?

00:06:07,076 --> 00:06:08,243

Cartman, no Jew jokes!

00:06:08,369 --> 00:06:09,787

All you have to do

is keep your mouth shut

00:06:09,912 --> 00:06:10,537

and you've got 40 bucks.

00:06:10,662 --> 00:06:13,123

Can you do it?

00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:15,334

I can't believe how cold

it is out here.

00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:17,544

It could be tough,

but I'll give it a shot.

00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:19,046

Alright.

00:06:19,171 --> 00:06:20,798

It's a real dry cold.

That's the problem.

00:06:20,923 --> 00:06:22,341

The cold air

makes me wheeze.

00:06:22,466 --> 00:06:23,759

Kyle, this is Cartman.

00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,052

He's my sort of

friend--ish.

00:06:25,177 --> 00:06:26,512

Nice to meet you,

Cartman.

00:06:26,637 --> 00:06:28,138

You know, I saw that same jacket

you're wearing

00:06:28,263 --> 00:06:29,515

at Bosco's for $29.95.

00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,016

How much was yours?

00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:32,768

I'm just wondering

if Bosco's is a rip-off.

00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:34,603

Oh, man.

- Cartman.

00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,105

Uh, it's nice

to meet you, Kyle.

00:06:36,230 --> 00:06:37,564

I can certainly tell

you're a relative

00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:39,233

of my good friend

Kyle here.

00:06:39,358 --> 00:06:40,984

[whooshing]

00:06:41,110 --> 00:06:42,861

What the hell

was that?

00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:44,154

[whooshing]

00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:45,948

Well, what the hell

was that?

00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:47,658

[whooshing]

00:06:47,783 --> 00:06:48,951

What the hell

was that?

00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:50,202

I don't know;

it was going so fast,

00:06:50,327 --> 00:06:51,203

I couldn't see it.

00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:52,204

But I want one.

00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:53,205

Yeah, me too!

00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,377

We've done it, Mr. Hat.

00:06:58,502 --> 00:07:00,379

Airline companies

be damned.

00:07:00,504 --> 00:07:03,215

We've invented a whole new mode

of transportation.

00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:05,259

Get some investors

on the phone.

00:07:05,384 --> 00:07:08,262

Well, what are

you waiting for?

00:07:08,387 --> 00:07:11,223

And I know you'll all be

very nice to our new student.

00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:13,434

Kyle, why don't you tell us

a little about yourself?

00:07:13,559 --> 00:07:15,394

Oh, well I grew up

in the city.

00:07:15,519 --> 00:07:16,603

I really don't care

for it.

00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:17,729

I come from

a Jewish family

00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:19,189

Which, of course,

you already know

00:07:19,314 --> 00:07:20,941

because Kyle's from

the same family.

00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:22,401

I like to read,

00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:24,194

and I have these polyps

on the backs of my hands.

00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:25,529

I don't know

what they are.

00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:26,864

Oh, my God,

I'm not gonna make it.

00:07:26,989 --> 00:07:28,365

I'm not gonna make it.

00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:30,367

Oh, and I hope one day

to be an investment banker.

00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:34,872

Uh...must fight it...

need 40 dollars.

00:07:34,997 --> 00:07:38,000

Okay, why don't you go ahead

and take a seat, Kyle?

00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:39,460

Where should I sit?

00:07:39,585 --> 00:07:40,627

There's no place

to sit down here.

00:07:40,752 --> 00:07:42,463

Yes, unfortunately,

the school seems to be

00:07:42,588 --> 00:07:43,797

completely out of

extra desks,

00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:45,382

so you'll just have to share

with your cousin.

00:07:45,507 --> 00:07:48,719

What?

- Oh, alright, then.

00:07:48,844 --> 00:07:52,097

[breathing heavily]

00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:53,807

Now let's get on

with our lesson about the--

00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:55,476

Are wooden desks

all that are available?

00:07:55,601 --> 00:07:57,102

I usually prefer

the plastic ones

00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:58,687

because these

give me splinters.

00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,314

Ugnh-ughn!

00:08:00,439 --> 00:08:01,523

I'm sorry, Kyle.

You'll just have to make do.

00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:02,649

Now let's get

back to the les--

00:08:02,774 --> 00:08:03,859

Is it cold in here?

00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:04,985

I realize we're

in the mountains,

00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:06,153

but do we have to freeze

to death?

00:08:06,278 --> 00:08:07,654

Now, Kyle, I need you

to be quiet.

00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:09,907

In my class, you need

to be able to concentrate.

00:08:10,032 --> 00:08:12,784

Concentration is the key

to succeeding in my class.

00:08:12,910 --> 00:08:14,620

Maybe we'll have to send him

to concentration camp.

00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:16,830

Ah! Damn it,

damn it, damn it!

00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:17,581

Cartman!

00:08:21,293 --> 00:08:23,462

Kindergarten teacher

Herbert Garrison

00:08:23,587 --> 00:08:25,547

has apparently invented

a new vehicle

00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:28,050

which will give the airlines

a run for their money.

00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:30,219

Mr. Garrison is putting

the final touches

00:08:30,344 --> 00:08:33,472

on his top secret device,

which he simply calls "It."

00:08:33,597 --> 00:08:35,891

So what exactly

is "It"?

00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,684

Here with a report

is a Hispanic man

00:08:37,809 --> 00:08:39,311

with some gravy stains

on his lapel.

00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:42,189

Thanks, Tom--

oh--thanks, Tom.

00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:44,358

So far, Herbert Garrison

hasn't let anyone

00:08:44,483 --> 00:08:46,026

get a look

at his invention.

00:08:46,151 --> 00:08:48,737

He claims that the vehicle

is so genius and revolutionary

00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,739

that it could cause

one's eyes to bleed

00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:52,658

if not properly prepared

to see it.

00:08:52,783 --> 00:08:55,202

But earlier today,

HBC news got footage

00:08:55,327 --> 00:08:57,829

of some of the country's top

investors and richest people

00:08:57,955 --> 00:09:00,624

who have been invited

for a first look, including:

00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:01,667

Steve Forbes,

00:09:01,792 --> 00:09:03,085

Steve Jobs,

00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:04,169

Ted Turner,

00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:05,420

Donald Trump,

00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:06,838

Bill Gates,

00:09:06,964 --> 00:09:08,715

and Yasmine Bleeth.

00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,134

Their curiosity is piqued, Tom,

and so is ours.

00:09:11,260 --> 00:09:12,553

What is "It"?

00:09:12,678 --> 00:09:14,179

What does "It" do?

00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:17,224

And when will "It" be somewhere

where I can buy one?

00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:21,770

Reporting live,

Jeff Arrrrrrando, HBC news.

00:09:24,398 --> 00:09:26,233

You need to learn to play

some sports, Kyle,

00:09:26,358 --> 00:09:27,734

so we're gonna start with

a tough one called

00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:29,236

"catch the ball."

00:09:29,361 --> 00:09:31,697

I throw the football to you.

You throw it back to me.

00:09:31,822 --> 00:09:34,074

Oh, but isn't the cold air

making the ball really hard?

00:09:34,199 --> 00:09:35,450

It's gonna hurt

my hands.

00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:36,451

It's fine.

00:09:36,577 --> 00:09:37,452

Alright, then.

00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:38,704

H-how do I catch it?

00:09:38,829 --> 00:09:40,038

it's a football dude.

00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:41,456

You just put your arms

out and catch it.

00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:44,751

Alright,

here we go!

00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:49,172

Now what?

- Now throw it back to me.

00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:50,882

But it's down

in the snow!

00:09:51,008 --> 00:09:52,175

So dig it out.

00:09:52,301 --> 00:09:53,635

But I'll get snow

on my gloves,

00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,762

and then it will melt,

and I'll have wet hands.

00:09:55,887 --> 00:09:57,389

Well, then we'll dry them off.

00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:58,432

Alright, then.

00:09:58,557 --> 00:09:59,474

Oh my God.

00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:00,934

Kyle, Kyle!

00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:02,561

I just found out

that in World War II,

00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:05,272

Some Jewish people were sent

to concentration camps.

00:10:05,397 --> 00:10:07,107

Yeah, they were, Cartman.

00:10:07,232 --> 00:10:08,400

Oh, and see,

I didn't realize that,

00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:10,152

but I understand now

how you might've thought

00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:12,112

what I said in the classroom

was a racial slur,

00:10:12,237 --> 00:10:13,363

but see, I had no idea!

00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:15,324

You did, too!

You are so full of crap.

00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:16,825

No, I'm seriously.

00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:19,369

Because I was talking to Craig,

and Craig was all like,

00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:21,038

"Hey, did you know

that in World War II,

00:10:21,163 --> 00:10:22,497

they really had

concentration camps?"

00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:24,082

And I was all like,

"no way!"

00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:25,917

And then this little light

went on in my head, like,

00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:28,003

"aw, man, no wonder Kyle

thought what I said in class,

00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,421

see, was directed

at his cousin."

00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:31,798

But-but I was literally talking

about a concentration camp,

00:10:31,923 --> 00:10:33,800

you know, where you go

for a week to learn and focus.

00:10:33,925 --> 00:10:35,927

Oh, man, what

a misunderstanding, huh?

00:10:36,053 --> 00:10:36,970

You blew the deal,

Cartman.

00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:38,597

God damn it, give me

another chance!

00:10:38,722 --> 00:10:40,766

Nuh-uh. I knew you were gonna

make fun of my lame cousin

00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:42,476

so I offered you

the 40 bucks not to rip on him.

00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:43,727

You ripped on him.

Deal's off.

00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:45,937

You did what?

- Oh, no.

00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:47,481

Ha-ha, serves you right,

asshole.

00:10:47,606 --> 00:10:51,151

You-you paid your friends

to not make fun of me?

00:10:51,276 --> 00:10:53,403

Look, it's not because

anything's wrong with you.

00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:56,573

Wow, you think it takes $40

to get people to like me.

00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:58,408

Kyle, I'm sorry.

00:10:58,533 --> 00:10:59,951

Because I mean, I really think

you could've done it

00:11:00,077 --> 00:11:00,869

for about $12.50.

00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,454

What?

00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:04,247

I mean, you didn't just

start at $40 did you?

00:11:04,373 --> 00:11:06,333

You gotta low-ball these things,

so you have a place to go.

00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:09,419

Oh, dude!

00:11:09,544 --> 00:11:11,463

Boy, it sure is dry

out here.

00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:15,175

Gentlemen, imagine being able

to travel safely

00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:17,177

at incredibly fast speeds

00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:21,056

and not having to go to

the stupid fart-face airports.

00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:24,226

That sounds incredible,

Mr. Garrison!

00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:25,936

It is incredible,

Mr. Hat.

00:11:26,061 --> 00:11:27,646

And what makes it possible is

00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:30,691

"It's" patented

gyroscope design.

00:11:30,816 --> 00:11:34,361

Gentlemen, I give you...

"It."

00:11:34,486 --> 00:11:35,862

All: Ooh!

00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:37,280

Nice!

Sleek!

00:11:37,406 --> 00:11:39,574

"It" gets over 300 miles

to the gallon

00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:43,704

and is safely capable of speeds

of over 200 miles per hour.

00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:45,122

Wow!

00:11:45,247 --> 00:11:46,581

This will change

everything.

00:11:46,707 --> 00:11:48,500

We're going to have

to re-think cities.

00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:52,337

Now, "It" is easily operated

using four flexi-grip handles.

00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:54,798

Two of them are

on each side:

00:11:54,923 --> 00:11:57,843

left side for throttle,

right side for steering.

00:11:57,968 --> 00:12:01,096

The third flexigrip is

gently inserted into the anus

00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:03,098

to keep the driver

in place.

00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:07,352

Oh.

00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:08,854

Oh?

00:12:08,979 --> 00:12:10,480

There we go.

00:12:10,605 --> 00:12:13,233

Now the final flexigrip is

directly in front of the driver

00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:15,444

so that small switches

can be operated with the mouth

00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:17,863

as such...

00:12:17,988 --> 00:12:20,449

Put the four together

and we're ready to go.

00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:26,496

Oh my God!

00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:27,664

Look at it go!

00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:31,168

But the way it works,

00:12:31,293 --> 00:12:33,336

do you really think people

will go through that to travel?

00:12:33,462 --> 00:12:35,547

Hey, it still beats what you

go through at the airports.

00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:36,673

True.

- Yep.

00:12:36,798 --> 00:12:38,800

Yeah, that's true.

- Yeah.

00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:40,260

I can't take it anymore,

Stan.

00:12:40,385 --> 00:12:41,595

My cousin's been here

for two weeks,

00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:42,763

and he's driving me insane.

00:12:42,888 --> 00:12:43,472

I know, dude,

every kid in school

00:12:43,597 --> 00:12:44,890

wants to kick his ass.

00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:45,932

I spent five years

in this town

00:12:46,057 --> 00:12:47,267

making a good name

for Jews and this...

00:12:47,392 --> 00:12:48,977

This stereotype shows up

and wrecks it all!

00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,395

You know

what my biggest fear is?

00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:51,480

That I'll become him.

00:12:51,605 --> 00:12:52,606

That somehow his mannerisms

00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:53,732

will start rubbing off on me,

00:12:53,857 --> 00:12:55,442

and I'll become a stereotype.

00:12:55,567 --> 00:12:57,110

I mean, I'm a Jew,

and he's making m e hate Jews.

00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:59,237

dude, a self-hating Jew--

you a re becoming a stereotype!

00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:01,323

See?

- I'm back.

00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:02,824

Ah!

- Later, dude.

00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,953

[breathing heavily]

00:13:14,669 --> 00:13:17,547

[munching]

00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:29,893

Tom, the day

is finally here.

00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:32,229

"It" has arrived

for retail sale

00:13:32,354 --> 00:13:34,272

and people are getting

their first look at it.

00:13:34,397 --> 00:13:36,650

Okay, good,

just step through here...

00:13:36,775 --> 00:13:38,068

And then this

is your steering,

00:13:38,193 --> 00:13:39,110

and here's

your throttle.

00:13:39,236 --> 00:13:41,530

Okay...

00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:43,365

Okay, now you're just

gonna feel a little pinch...

00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,200

Arrgh!

00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:46,618

It's alright.

It's just locking you in.

00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:48,453

Just take it.

- Ahh!

00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:50,372

Doing great, Kathy.

How's that ride?

00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:51,998

Mmph-mm-mhmph!

00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:54,376

Okay, now use your mouth

to operate the turn signals,

00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:55,919

and you're off.

00:14:01,967 --> 00:14:04,177

Great, who else wants

to give "It" a spin?

00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:11,101

Oh, man,

is that the "It"?

00:14:11,226 --> 00:14:12,894

Yeah.

- How is "It"?

00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:16,022

Well, it beats dealing with

the airline companies.

00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:17,357

That's for sure.

00:14:21,111 --> 00:14:22,362

I don't know

about this, guys.

00:14:22,487 --> 00:14:23,989

I think sleds

are dangerous.

00:14:24,114 --> 00:14:25,866

Look, Kyle, sledding is

something all kids out here do.

00:14:25,991 --> 00:14:27,242

You've gotta learn.

00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:28,910

It seems like I might

get splinters, though.

00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:30,495

Remember, just hold on.

00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:32,956

No matter how long

the sledding run lasts, hold on.

00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:33,999

Hold on.

I see.

00:14:36,251 --> 00:14:38,044

Oh, Jesus,

the sled is going fast!

00:14:39,629 --> 00:14:40,964

Hang on!

00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:42,048

I have to watch out

for my glasses.

00:14:42,173 --> 00:14:45,010

Ow, ow, it's so cold.

Oh, Jesus!

00:14:45,135 --> 00:14:46,595

How far do you think

it is to Connecticut?

00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,138

It's at least

a couple hours.

00:14:48,263 --> 00:14:49,139

Think he'll be alright?

- He's fine.

00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,144

Are you tired of

corporate airline companies

00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:55,812

treating you like

a worthless sardine?

00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:58,189

Tired of ridiculous lines and

horrible security at airports?

00:14:58,315 --> 00:15:01,443

Well, now there's an alternative

to airline travel, "It"!

00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:03,236

"It" has taken

the country by storm.

00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:04,821

And already 2 million

have been sold.

00:15:04,946 --> 00:15:06,531

Never have another

important business trip

00:15:06,656 --> 00:15:08,408

ruined by airline

incompetence.

00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:09,492

Hey, ladies!

00:15:09,618 --> 00:15:11,494

How did you get

to the Grand Canyon?

00:15:11,620 --> 00:15:13,997

[mumbling echoes]

00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:16,458

"It" comes in sizes available

for the entire family.

00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:19,169

Here you go, Robbie.

00:15:19,294 --> 00:15:20,545

Hello, I'm John Travolta.

00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:22,756

I used to rely on airlines

to get me to set,

00:15:22,881 --> 00:15:24,507

but once I got used to "It,"

00:15:24,633 --> 00:15:25,926

I found "It" to be

a little less painful

00:15:26,051 --> 00:15:27,510

than dealing with

the airline companies.

00:15:27,636 --> 00:15:30,388

I just power up

the flexigrips...

00:15:30,513 --> 00:15:33,391

[groaning]

00:15:36,728 --> 00:15:40,440

and I'm ready to go.

Thank you, "It".

00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:42,067

So, join the millions

of Americans

00:15:42,192 --> 00:15:44,277

who have found a little bit more

comfortable way of traveling.

00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:45,737

Order yours today.

00:15:45,862 --> 00:15:48,281

And remember our slogan:

" 'It's' better than flying."

00:15:48,406 --> 00:15:50,367

Hmm, that looks pretty gay.

00:15:50,492 --> 00:15:52,285

[humming]

00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:54,120

Kyle Two,

where is Kyle?

00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:55,288

I don't know, Mom.

00:15:55,413 --> 00:15:56,289

Last time I saw him,

he was sledding.

00:15:56,414 --> 00:15:57,999

Where on earth

could he be?

00:15:58,124 --> 00:15:59,459

You know, it's possible he just

went back to Connecticut.

00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:00,835

What?

00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:02,629

I mean, maybe he got

so worried about his mom

00:16:02,754 --> 00:16:04,130

that he found a way

to get back and see her.

00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:05,507

Don't be ridiculous,

Kyle Two!

00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:06,925

He's out playing

with his new friends.

00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:08,843

I'm just throwing it

out there as a possibility.

00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:11,179

[doorbell ringing]

00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,348

I'm back!

- Ah!

00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:14,975

I'm sorry, you must've

been worried sick.

00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:16,851

I got your sled

tangled up with a bus.

00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:18,144

A bus, really?

00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:19,938

Kyle, what happened to you?

00:16:20,063 --> 00:16:22,023

I was just sledding,

and then the next thing I knew,

00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:23,775

My sled rope got

tangled with a bus.

00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:25,485

I got dragged

for over 100 miles

00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:27,529

before the bus

finally stopped for gas.

00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:29,406

I'm sorry about your sled, Kyle.

00:16:29,531 --> 00:16:30,699

Oh, no, don't worry

about it, dude.

00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:32,409

Oh, you poor thing!

00:16:32,534 --> 00:16:34,244

Come upstairs and we'll get you

out of those wet clothes.

00:16:34,369 --> 00:16:35,662

Are you alright?

00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:37,330

My ears feel like

they're frozen off.

00:16:37,455 --> 00:16:38,623

And I think I have

a hemorrhoid

00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:40,291

from sitting

on the sled for so long...

00:16:43,962 --> 00:16:46,006

♪ We're in the money,

Mr. Hat ♪

00:16:46,131 --> 00:16:48,550

♪ We're in the money,

Mr. Hat ♪

00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:50,468

Oh, hi, Jimbo,

can I help you?

00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:52,762

Yeah, I wanted to order

that theft alarm for my "It".

00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:54,889

Oh, right, right,

take a seat.

00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:56,641

That's okay, I'll stand.

00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:58,143

What do you think, Mr. Marsh?

00:16:58,268 --> 00:16:59,769

All set to put

a down payment on that baby?

00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:02,022

Well, yeah, but I just

had one question

00:17:02,147 --> 00:17:03,106

about the way

it works.

00:17:03,231 --> 00:17:04,357

Sure!

00:17:04,482 --> 00:17:06,401

Well, it seems

all the buttons

00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,278

on these front

and rear flexigrips

00:17:08,403 --> 00:17:10,363

are also found on the side

of the vehicle.

00:17:10,488 --> 00:17:11,865

Yep.

00:17:11,990 --> 00:17:13,950

Well, so, they don't

really do anything.

00:17:14,075 --> 00:17:15,744

Right.

00:17:15,869 --> 00:17:17,287

So then couldn't I just

order one that works

00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:19,581

without going in and out

of my ass and mouth?

00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:25,879

Well, I guess you could.

00:17:26,004 --> 00:17:27,464

All: Huh? What's that?

What did he say?

00:17:29,758 --> 00:17:31,051

I don't know

about this guys.

00:17:31,176 --> 00:17:32,802

I think playing

hide-and-seek in the airport

00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:34,012

might be dangerous.

00:17:34,137 --> 00:17:35,555

Kyle, we told you,

kids in Colorado

00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:37,015

all play hide-and-seek

at the airport.

00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:38,475

Yeah, as soon as we

get to the concourse

00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:39,517

You'll see how

fun it is.

00:17:39,642 --> 00:17:40,810

This is taking

too long.

00:17:40,935 --> 00:17:42,228

The flight to Connecticut

is gonna leave.

00:17:42,353 --> 00:17:43,855

Hey, can we speed

things up here?

00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:47,067

Duh, sorry but ever since

that "It" thing came out,

00:17:47,192 --> 00:17:49,819

the airlines have had

to cut back on employees.

00:17:49,944 --> 00:17:51,613

Dude,

we're the only ones here!

00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:53,865

How long does it take to get

five people through security?

00:17:53,990 --> 00:17:55,742

Duh, let's see...

00:17:55,867 --> 00:18:00,413

Four people

plus, times, divided...

00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:04,334

Two hours domestic,

three hours international.

00:18:04,459 --> 00:18:06,419

Can't we just play

hide-and-seek at home?

00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:07,879

No.

- Aha!

00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:10,173

What's this?

A toenail clipper!

00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:12,175

Die, terrorist!

00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:13,927

Oh, Jesus!

00:18:14,052 --> 00:18:15,512

See, we do these checks

for a reason.

00:18:15,637 --> 00:18:17,222

This is ridiculous.

Come on!

00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:24,562

Okay, Cartman,

You're it, start counting.

00:18:24,687 --> 00:18:26,689

1, 2, 3...

00:18:26,815 --> 00:18:27,941

Here, Kyle,

you hide in here.

00:18:28,066 --> 00:18:29,442

In there?

But it's very confined.

00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:30,485

I'll get cramps

in my legs.

00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:31,611

Just get in the box!

00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:33,696

Alright, then.

00:18:33,822 --> 00:18:34,614

Oh, would you

look at that!

00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:36,282

I've got a corn

on my ankle.

00:18:36,407 --> 00:18:37,867

Now, where did that one

come from?

00:18:37,992 --> 00:18:38,993

That's the fourth one

I've had.

00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:42,330

These corns

are killing me.

00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:43,414

I hope he doesn't

suffocate.

00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:44,791

He's fine.

00:18:44,916 --> 00:18:46,751

Yeah, he'll be way better off

back home.

00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:50,380

Oh, Jesus, this box

is going fast!

00:18:50,505 --> 00:18:52,382

Oh, I did it again!

00:19:00,014 --> 00:19:02,016

Excuse me!

What the hell are you doing?

00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:03,768

It's alright.

We're with the government.

00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:04,769

We're just

shutting you down.

00:19:04,894 --> 00:19:06,146

Shutting me down.

Why?

00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:07,897

The airlines are

in desperate trouble.

00:19:08,022 --> 00:19:09,607

Your vehicle is causing them

to lose money.

00:19:09,732 --> 00:19:11,192

Yeah, well, that was

the point, dingleberry.

00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:12,527

Put that down!

00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:13,820

Right, so the government

00:19:13,945 --> 00:19:15,280

is bailing out the airlines

out again

00:19:15,405 --> 00:19:17,115

by shutting you down

and making "It"'s illegal.

00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:20,243

Oh, God damn it!

You better be kidding!

00:19:20,368 --> 00:19:21,744

Sir, many people

work for the airlines.

00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:23,163

We can't let them

all be fired.

00:19:23,288 --> 00:19:25,081

The airline companies

are losing money

00:19:25,206 --> 00:19:26,583

because of

their own incompetence

00:19:26,708 --> 00:19:28,459

and their own inefficiency!

00:19:28,585 --> 00:19:30,253

That may be true,

but if you build, sell,

00:19:30,378 --> 00:19:33,131

or ride another "It",

it will be the last time.

00:19:33,256 --> 00:19:35,842

Have a nice night!

00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:39,679

Arrrrgh!

Airline motherfuckers!

00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:42,015

You pieces of shit!

00:19:42,140 --> 00:19:45,018

Cocksucking

sons of bitch airlines!

00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:49,397

Oh, it's been days.

Where can he be?

00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:50,732

I don't know, ma.

00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:51,858

It's like he vanished

into thin air.

00:19:51,983 --> 00:19:53,401

I'm going to call

the police again.

00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:55,403

Kyle Two, go down to

the playground and look there.

00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:56,863

I already checked

the playground, ma.

00:19:56,988 --> 00:19:58,656

I told you

he isn't really--

00:19:58,781 --> 00:20:01,117

I'm back.

- Ahhh!

00:20:01,242 --> 00:20:02,869

Kyle, you're back!

00:20:02,994 --> 00:20:04,204

Yeah, it was

the craziest thing.

00:20:04,329 --> 00:20:05,872

I hid myself on a plane

to Antarctica.

00:20:05,997 --> 00:20:07,582

Oh, it was so dry

down there.

00:20:11,836 --> 00:20:13,254

So, dude,

did Cartman's idea work?

00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:15,131

No, I tried getting my cousin

lost in the woods,

00:20:15,256 --> 00:20:16,216

but a stupid bear

brought him home.

00:20:16,341 --> 00:20:18,051

Damn!

00:20:18,176 --> 00:20:18,676

Just have to face facts

that I'm gonna live with

00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:20,511

my crappy cousin forever.

00:20:20,637 --> 00:20:22,972

Well, Kyle,

I-I gotta go.

00:20:23,097 --> 00:20:24,432

What?

00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:25,767

Yeah, I've gotta get

back to Connecticut.

00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:26,893

Now that things

have changed for Kyle,

00:20:27,018 --> 00:20:28,269

his mother needs him back.

00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:29,812

Do you promise?

00:20:29,938 --> 00:20:31,314

I mean, oh,

that's too bad, dude.

00:20:31,439 --> 00:20:32,774

What changed for you?

00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:34,442

Well, I-I invested

in that "It" thing,

00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:35,944

and there was a bailout,

00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:37,987

so I received a $5 million

bailout clause check,

00:20:38,112 --> 00:20:39,906

which I can use

to help my family.

00:20:40,031 --> 00:20:41,741

So I-I guess good-bye, Cousin.

00:20:41,866 --> 00:20:44,285

Okay, see ya, Cousin,

hope to see you soon.

00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:45,578

Not too soon, I hope.

00:20:45,703 --> 00:20:47,288

Yeah.

00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:49,999

All: [shouting] $5 million?

00:20:50,124 --> 00:20:52,126

Dude, dude, dude,

you have $5 million?

00:20:52,252 --> 00:20:54,128

Yeah, I don't know

what to do with it, though.

00:20:54,254 --> 00:20:55,338

Well, see ya.

00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:57,423

Wait, Kyle,

this may sound crazy...

00:20:57,548 --> 00:20:59,217

But I think

you should stay.

00:20:59,342 --> 00:21:00,301

Yeah!

- Yeah!

00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:01,594

Really?

- Yeah.

00:21:01,719 --> 00:21:04,264

You see, I've learned

something today.

00:21:04,389 --> 00:21:08,476

Sometimes people have trouble

fitting in at school and, um...

00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:09,644

Let's see,

what did I learn about?

00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:11,062

What did I learn

about that?

00:21:11,187 --> 00:21:12,647

I learned that you

shouldn't judge somebody

00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:13,982

because that--no, wait...

00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:15,692

No, that was good.

What were you gonna say?

00:21:15,817 --> 00:21:17,735

Listen, guys, I appreciate you

wanting me around,

00:21:17,860 --> 00:21:20,280

but the fact of

the matter is...well,

00:21:20,405 --> 00:21:22,865

you guys are just

kind of douche bags.

00:21:22,991 --> 00:21:24,575

Wha?

00:21:24,701 --> 00:21:26,703

I mean, you people are all

just such hick, jock rednecks.

00:21:26,828 --> 00:21:28,746

It's like you're right out

of a stereotype catalog.

00:21:28,871 --> 00:21:30,123

I-I can't take it.

See ya!

00:21:33,251 --> 00:21:35,295

Dude...weak.

00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:36,671

Good job, Jew!