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Сущность
The Entity
Сезон: 05Серия: 11
Описание
В Южный Парк приезжает двоюродный брат Кайла, которого тоже зовут Кайл. Мистера Гаррисона достают авиакомпании, и он решает изобрести собственный вид транспорта.
Субтитры
- 00:00:08,467 --> 00:00:10,052 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:11,846 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:00:11,971 --> 00:00:13,639 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:15,433 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:00:15,558 --> 00:00:16,475 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,602 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,604 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:00:20,730 --> 00:00:22,231 ♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪
- 00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:23,524 ♪ Headin' on up to South Park ♪
- 00:00:23,649 --> 00:00:25,860 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:00:28,946 --> 00:00:30,322 ♪ Come on down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:30,448 --> 00:00:32,324 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:00:36,996 --> 00:00:38,247 Jesus Christ!
- 00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:39,749 These lines are ridiculous!
- 00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:41,417 I'm gonna miss my flight.
- 00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,753 Excuse me, there's two other security checkpoints.
- 00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:45,337 Why can't you open those, too?
- 00:00:45,463 --> 00:00:47,506 Duh, I dunno nothing.
- 00:00:47,631 --> 00:00:49,925 But you work for the-- God damn it!
- 00:00:50,051 --> 00:00:51,719 Snooty Airlines announces the arrival
- 00:00:51,844 --> 00:00:54,847 of Flight 239 from Connecticut.
- 00:00:54,972 --> 00:00:56,265 That's your cousin's flight, Kyle.
- 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,308 Hold the sign up nice and high,
- 00:00:57,433 --> 00:00:58,559 so he can find us.
- 00:00:58,684 --> 00:00:59,852 What's he look like?
- 00:00:59,977 --> 00:01:01,187 He's your age and about your height.
- 00:01:01,312 --> 00:01:02,980 I'm stoked my cousin is coming to live with us.
- 00:01:03,105 --> 00:01:04,732 It'll be just like having a brother.
- 00:01:04,857 --> 00:01:05,941 I thought I were!
- 00:01:06,067 --> 00:01:08,194 Oh, there he is, over here, Kyle!
- 00:01:12,156 --> 00:01:14,408 Hello, Aunt Sheila.
- 00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:15,576 How was your flight?
- 00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:16,744 Oh, it was terrible.
- 00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:18,287 They recycle the air on board,
- 00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:19,830 and it really did a number on my asthma.
- 00:01:19,955 --> 00:01:21,373 I asked them to turn up the oxygen
- 00:01:21,499 --> 00:01:22,458 and they wouldn't.
- 00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:23,626 You remember Uncle Jerry.
- 00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:25,086 Hello, Uncle Jerry.
- 00:01:25,211 --> 00:01:27,379 And these are your cousins Ike and Kyle.
- 00:01:27,505 --> 00:01:28,881 Hey, dude. - Nice to meet you.
- 00:01:29,006 --> 00:01:30,549 Let's get down to the baggage claim, Kyle.
- 00:01:30,674 --> 00:01:31,550 Okay. - Okay.
- 00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:32,593 Ooh, that's right!
- 00:01:32,718 --> 00:01:34,345 We've got two Kyles now.
- 00:01:34,470 --> 00:01:38,474 We'll just call you Kyle and you can be Kyle...Two.
- 00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:39,892 Cool.
- 00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:41,519 Next.
- 00:01:41,644 --> 00:01:43,229 Oh, I feel like I've run a marathon.
- 00:01:43,354 --> 00:01:46,690 Okay, the 2:30 flight to Cheyenne has boarded.
- 00:01:46,816 --> 00:01:48,067 Looks like you didn't make it.
- 00:01:48,192 --> 00:01:49,819 What? Well, of course I didn't make it!
- 00:01:49,944 --> 00:01:51,403 The line to check in was two hours long,
- 00:01:51,529 --> 00:01:52,988 and the security line was two hours more!
- 00:01:53,114 --> 00:01:54,657 Yeah, no problem, though.
- 00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:56,826 We'll get you on the 7:00 a.m. Flight tomorrow morning.
- 00:01:56,951 --> 00:01:59,120 I can't go tomorrow. The Jizzfest is tonight!
- 00:01:59,245 --> 00:02:00,871 Would you like a window or an aisle seat?
- 00:02:00,996 --> 00:02:02,414 This is unbelievable!
- 00:02:02,540 --> 00:02:04,500 You know, I seem to remember when the airlines said
- 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:07,920 "we need a $15 billion bailout from the taxpayers."
- 00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:10,005 Mm, okay, and have any of your personal items
- 00:02:10,131 --> 00:02:11,841 been out of your possession since you left?
- 00:02:11,966 --> 00:02:13,634 Well, we gave them the $15 billion,
- 00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:15,302 and they fired their employees anyway,
- 00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:17,638 so now we have three people to clear 400 passengers!
- 00:02:17,763 --> 00:02:18,722 Hey, he's right!
- 00:02:18,848 --> 00:02:20,057 Yeah!
- 00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:22,143 Okay, and bags have been with you at all times?
- 00:02:22,268 --> 00:02:23,602 So where did that money go?
- 00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:24,645 I'll tell you where it went!
- 00:02:24,770 --> 00:02:26,105 It went right into the pockets
- 00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:27,940 of the presidents and CEOs of the airlines
- 00:02:28,065 --> 00:02:29,775 so they could keep their multimillion-dollar salaries!
- 00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:31,402 Yeah!
- 00:02:31,527 --> 00:02:33,070 And here's your boarding pass for tomorrow morning.
- 00:02:33,195 --> 00:02:34,530 You think you can treat us however you want
- 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,031 because we have to fly!
- 00:02:36,157 --> 00:02:37,950 Well, I'll tell you what, Sally Sass-a-Lot.
- 00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:40,619 I'm gonna come up with a new mode of transportation,
- 00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:42,079 a brand-new vehicle
- 00:02:42,204 --> 00:02:43,747 that'll put all you bastards out of business!
- 00:02:43,873 --> 00:02:45,541 Yeah!
- 00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:47,084 You think I can't do it?
- 00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:48,669 I got a master's degree in mechanical engineering
- 00:02:48,794 --> 00:02:49,879 at Denver Community College.
- 00:02:50,004 --> 00:02:51,255 You watch me!
- 00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:52,173 Come on, everybody!
- 00:02:52,298 --> 00:02:53,174 Yeah!
- 00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:57,344 Can I get on that 7:30 a.m. flight?
- 00:02:59,263 --> 00:03:03,225 Here we go, Kyle Two, and here's yours, Kyle.
- 00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:04,476 Wh-what is this?
- 00:03:04,602 --> 00:03:05,811 Mom's special stew.
- 00:03:05,936 --> 00:03:06,770 She makes it every Monday, and I love it.
- 00:03:06,896 --> 00:03:07,771 Oh, is this beef?
- 00:03:07,897 --> 00:03:09,148 Yeah, dude, it's great.
- 00:03:09,273 --> 00:03:10,816 Actually, I-I can't eat beef.
- 00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:12,860 I have a degenerative problem with my intestinal lining,
- 00:03:12,985 --> 00:03:14,820 and beef really gives me gas.
- 00:03:14,945 --> 00:03:16,405 oh, I'm so sorry, Kyle!
- 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:17,907 What else can I fix you?
- 00:03:18,032 --> 00:03:19,283 Oh, no, I-I don't want to be a bother.
- 00:03:19,408 --> 00:03:20,451 Nonsense!
- 00:03:20,576 --> 00:03:21,493 Can't I make you some nice pasta
- 00:03:21,619 --> 00:03:23,204 or a frozen fish fillet?
- 00:03:23,329 --> 00:03:24,705 Well, some fish would be great
- 00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:26,290 if it isn't too much trouble.
- 00:03:26,415 --> 00:03:29,418 I'll put it in the microwave right away.
- 00:03:35,174 --> 00:03:37,009 Mom? - Yes, Kyle Two?
- 00:03:37,134 --> 00:03:38,344 How am I related to him again?
- 00:03:38,469 --> 00:03:39,720 He's your cousin, Kyle Two.
- 00:03:39,845 --> 00:03:41,222 I told you already.
- 00:03:41,347 --> 00:03:43,766 Yeah, but like first cousin or distant cousin?
- 00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,017 He's my sister's son.
- 00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:46,518 That makes him your first cousin.
- 00:03:46,644 --> 00:03:47,937 So we have the same blood?
- 00:03:48,062 --> 00:03:49,897 Now, Kyle Two, listen to me.
- 00:03:50,022 --> 00:03:52,524 Kyle is going through a very tough time in his life.
- 00:03:52,650 --> 00:03:54,902 His mother is very sick, and he's in a whole new place.
- 00:03:55,027 --> 00:03:56,070 He's going to rely on you
- 00:03:56,195 --> 00:03:58,072 to make sure he fits in at your school.
- 00:03:58,197 --> 00:04:00,032 What? How the hell am I supposed to do that?
- 00:04:00,157 --> 00:04:01,450 I'm sure your friends will love him.
- 00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:02,743 What about Cartman, huh?
- 00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:04,078 He rips on <i>m e</i> for being Jewish.
- 00:04:04,203 --> 00:04:05,537 He's gonna tear this kid apart.
- 00:04:05,663 --> 00:04:07,414 Kyle two, he's your responsibility.
- 00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:08,916 Oh my god!
- 00:04:09,041 --> 00:04:10,376 I'm sure you two will become great friends
- 00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:11,961 with lots of late-night pillow talk.
- 00:04:12,086 --> 00:04:13,128 What do you mean?
- 00:04:13,254 --> 00:04:15,339 What room is he sleeping in?
- 00:04:15,464 --> 00:04:17,174 What's this comforter filled with?
- 00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:18,717 Oh, it isn't filled with down, is it?
- 00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:21,595 I don't know, dude.
- 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:24,056 it sure is quiet up here in the mountains and dry too.
- 00:04:24,181 --> 00:04:25,057 Do you have a humidifier?
- 00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:27,977 I don't think so.
- 00:04:28,102 --> 00:04:29,186 Can you take my stupid glasses
- 00:04:29,311 --> 00:04:30,771 and put them on the nightstand?
- 00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:31,981 Make sure they're close by
- 00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:33,190 because that fish upset my stomach,
- 00:04:33,315 --> 00:04:34,692 and I might need them if I have to go
- 00:04:34,817 --> 00:04:35,442 to the bathroom later on.
- 00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:37,027 Okay.
- 00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:54,420 it's got to be simple.
- 00:04:54,545 --> 00:04:56,463 Like a moped but with the ability to travel
- 00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:58,299 at much faster speeds.
- 00:04:58,424 --> 00:05:00,134 If the design of our electrical moped
- 00:05:00,259 --> 00:05:01,385 were altered with--
- 00:05:01,510 --> 00:05:04,096 No, no, no, no. This won't work either.
- 00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:05,597 What was wrong with that plan?
- 00:05:05,723 --> 00:05:07,766 It has to be more stable, Mr. Hat.
- 00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:09,893 A moped would be too dangerous at those speeds.
- 00:05:10,019 --> 00:05:11,478 Damn it!
- 00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:13,355 Now, what if the jet power of an aircraft
- 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:16,025 Could be scaled down into a personal vehicle?
- 00:05:16,150 --> 00:05:17,985 Boy, that Enrique "In-gleses"
- 00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:20,738 Can sure gyrate his hot ass around.
- 00:05:22,573 --> 00:05:23,991 Oh, Mr. Hat, will you stop drooling
- 00:05:24,116 --> 00:05:26,410 over Enrique "In-gleses" and--
- 00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:28,662 Wait a minute. What did you say?
- 00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:31,206 I said Enrique "In-gleses" can sure gyrate his hot ass.
- 00:05:31,332 --> 00:05:33,751 That's it! Gyration!
- 00:05:33,876 --> 00:05:35,377 A gyroscope!
- 00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:37,880 It would allow for maximum balance and yet--
- 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,132 Mr. Hat, you're a genius!
- 00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:42,343 It's so simple and yet genius!
- 00:05:42,468 --> 00:05:44,720 Check out his hot bulge too.
- 00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:46,722 Hey, dude.
- 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:47,890 What's that thing?
- 00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:49,308 Cartman, I need to talk to you.
- 00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:50,601 Hello, I'm Kyle's cousin, Kyle.
- 00:05:50,726 --> 00:05:51,643 Cartman, I'm gonna make you a deal.
- 00:05:51,769 --> 00:05:52,644 What?
- 00:05:52,770 --> 00:05:54,063 That kid over there
- 00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:55,272 is my cousin from the East Coast.
- 00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:56,899 He's having a really hard time right now,
- 00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,484 so I'm gonna offer you $40 to not to rip on him.
- 00:05:58,609 --> 00:05:59,777 40 bucks?
- 00:05:59,902 --> 00:06:01,320 But you can't make fun of him at all.
- 00:06:01,445 --> 00:06:03,364 No smartass comments, nothing. - Alright, alright.
- 00:06:03,489 --> 00:06:05,407 And you especially can't say anything about Jews.
- 00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:06,950 Oh, Jesus, why don't you just cut off my balls?
- 00:06:07,076 --> 00:06:08,243 Cartman, no Jew jokes!
- 00:06:08,369 --> 00:06:09,787 All you have to do is keep your mouth shut
- 00:06:09,912 --> 00:06:10,537 and you've got 40 bucks.
- 00:06:10,662 --> 00:06:13,123 Can you do it?
- 00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:15,334 I can't believe how cold it is out here.
- 00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:17,544 It could be tough, but I'll give it a shot.
- 00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:19,046 Alright.
- 00:06:19,171 --> 00:06:20,798 It's a real dry cold. That's the problem.
- 00:06:20,923 --> 00:06:22,341 The cold air makes me wheeze.
- 00:06:22,466 --> 00:06:23,759 Kyle, this is Cartman.
- 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,052 He's my sort of friend--ish.
- 00:06:25,177 --> 00:06:26,512 Nice to meet you, Cartman.
- 00:06:26,637 --> 00:06:28,138 You know, I saw that same jacket you're wearing
- 00:06:28,263 --> 00:06:29,515 at Bosco's for $29.95.
- 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,016 How much was yours?
- 00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:32,768 I'm just wondering if Bosco's is a rip-off.
- 00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:34,603 Oh, man. - Cartman.
- 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,105 Uh, it's nice to meet you, Kyle.
- 00:06:36,230 --> 00:06:37,564 I can certainly tell you're a relative
- 00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:39,233 of my good friend Kyle here.
- 00:06:41,110 --> 00:06:42,861 What the hell was that?
- 00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:45,948 Well, what the hell was that?
- 00:06:47,783 --> 00:06:48,951 What the hell was that?
- 00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:50,202 I don't know; it was going so fast,
- 00:06:50,327 --> 00:06:51,203 I couldn't see it.
- 00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:52,204 But I want one.
- 00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:53,205 Yeah, me too!
- 00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,377 We've done it, Mr. Hat.
- 00:06:58,502 --> 00:07:00,379 Airline companies be damned.
- 00:07:00,504 --> 00:07:03,215 We've invented a whole new mode of transportation.
- 00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:05,259 Get some investors on the phone.
- 00:07:05,384 --> 00:07:08,262 Well, what are you waiting for?
- 00:07:08,387 --> 00:07:11,223 And I know you'll all be very nice to our new student.
- 00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:13,434 Kyle, why don't you tell us a little about yourself?
- 00:07:13,559 --> 00:07:15,394 Oh, well I grew up in the city.
- 00:07:15,519 --> 00:07:16,603 I really don't care for it.
- 00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:17,729 I come from a Jewish family
- 00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:19,189 Which, of course, you already know
- 00:07:19,314 --> 00:07:20,941 because Kyle's from the same family.
- 00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:22,401 I like to read,
- 00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:24,194 and I have these polyps on the backs of my hands.
- 00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:25,529 I don't know what they are.
- 00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:26,864 Oh, my God, I'm not gonna make it.
- 00:07:26,989 --> 00:07:28,365 I'm not gonna make it.
- 00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:30,367 Oh, and I hope one day to be an investment banker.
- 00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:34,872 Uh...must fight it... need 40 dollars.
- 00:07:34,997 --> 00:07:38,000 Okay, why don't you go ahead and take a seat, Kyle?
- 00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:39,460 Where should I sit?
- 00:07:39,585 --> 00:07:40,627 There's no place to sit down here.
- 00:07:40,752 --> 00:07:42,463 Yes, unfortunately, the school seems to be
- 00:07:42,588 --> 00:07:43,797 completely out of extra desks,
- 00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:45,382 so you'll just have to share with your cousin.
- 00:07:45,507 --> 00:07:48,719 What? - Oh, alright, then.
- 00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:53,807 Now let's get on with our lesson about the--
- 00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:55,476 Are wooden desks all that are available?
- 00:07:55,601 --> 00:07:57,102 I usually prefer the plastic ones
- 00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:58,687 because these give me splinters.
- 00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,314 Ugnh-ughn!
- 00:08:00,439 --> 00:08:01,523 I'm sorry, Kyle. You'll just have to make do.
- 00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:02,649 Now let's get back to the les--
- 00:08:02,774 --> 00:08:03,859 Is it cold in here?
- 00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:04,985 I realize we're in the mountains,
- 00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:06,153 but do we have to freeze to death?
- 00:08:06,278 --> 00:08:07,654 Now, Kyle, I need you to be quiet.
- 00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:09,907 In my class, you need to be able to concentrate.
- 00:08:10,032 --> 00:08:12,784 Concentration is the key to succeeding in my class.
- 00:08:12,910 --> 00:08:14,620 Maybe we'll have to send him to concentration camp.
- 00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:16,830 Ah! Damn it, damn it, damn it!
- 00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:17,581 Cartman!
- 00:08:21,293 --> 00:08:23,462 Kindergarten teacher Herbert Garrison
- 00:08:23,587 --> 00:08:25,547 has apparently invented a new vehicle
- 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:28,050 which will give the airlines a run for their money.
- 00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:30,219 Mr. Garrison is putting the final touches
- 00:08:30,344 --> 00:08:33,472 on his top secret device, which he simply calls "It."
- 00:08:33,597 --> 00:08:35,891 So what exactly is "It"?
- 00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,684 Here with a report is a Hispanic man
- 00:08:37,809 --> 00:08:39,311 with some gravy stains on his lapel.
- 00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:42,189 Thanks, Tom-- oh--thanks, Tom.
- 00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:44,358 So far, Herbert Garrison hasn't let anyone
- 00:08:44,483 --> 00:08:46,026 get a look at his invention.
- 00:08:46,151 --> 00:08:48,737 He claims that the vehicle is so genius and revolutionary
- 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,739 that it could cause one's eyes to bleed
- 00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:52,658 if not properly prepared to see it.
- 00:08:52,783 --> 00:08:55,202 But earlier today, HBC news got footage
- 00:08:55,327 --> 00:08:57,829 of some of the country's top investors and richest people
- 00:08:57,955 --> 00:09:00,624 who have been invited for a first look, including:
- 00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:01,667 Steve Forbes,
- 00:09:01,792 --> 00:09:03,085 Steve Jobs,
- 00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:04,169 Ted Turner,
- 00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:05,420 Donald Trump,
- 00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:06,838 Bill Gates,
- 00:09:06,964 --> 00:09:08,715 and Yasmine Bleeth.
- 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,134 Their curiosity is piqued, Tom, and so is ours.
- 00:09:11,260 --> 00:09:12,553 What is "It"?
- 00:09:12,678 --> 00:09:14,179 What does "It" do?
- 00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:17,224 And when will "It" be somewhere where I can buy one?
- 00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:21,770 Reporting live, Jeff Arrrrrrando, HBC news.
- 00:09:24,398 --> 00:09:26,233 You need to learn to play some sports, Kyle,
- 00:09:26,358 --> 00:09:27,734 so we're gonna start with a tough one called
- 00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:29,236 "catch the ball."
- 00:09:29,361 --> 00:09:31,697 I throw the football to you. You throw it back to me.
- 00:09:31,822 --> 00:09:34,074 Oh, but isn't the cold air making the ball really hard?
- 00:09:34,199 --> 00:09:35,450 It's gonna hurt my hands.
- 00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:36,451 It's fine.
- 00:09:36,577 --> 00:09:37,452 Alright, then.
- 00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:38,704 H-how do I catch it?
- 00:09:38,829 --> 00:09:40,038 it's a football dude.
- 00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:41,456 You just put your arms out and catch it.
- 00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:44,751 Alright, here we go!
- 00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:49,172 Now what? - Now throw it back to me.
- 00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:50,882 But it's down in the snow!
- 00:09:51,008 --> 00:09:52,175 So dig it out.
- 00:09:52,301 --> 00:09:53,635 But I'll get snow on my gloves,
- 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,762 and then it will melt, and I'll have wet hands.
- 00:09:55,887 --> 00:09:57,389 Well, then we'll dry them off.
- 00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:58,432 Alright, then.
- 00:09:58,557 --> 00:09:59,474 Oh my God.
- 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:00,934 Kyle, Kyle!
- 00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:02,561 I just found out that in World War II,
- 00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:05,272 Some Jewish people were sent to concentration camps.
- 00:10:05,397 --> 00:10:07,107 Yeah, they were, Cartman.
- 00:10:07,232 --> 00:10:08,400 Oh, and see, I didn't realize that,
- 00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:10,152 but I understand now how you might've thought
- 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:12,112 what I said in the classroom was a racial slur,
- 00:10:12,237 --> 00:10:13,363 but see, I had no idea!
- 00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:15,324 You did, too! You are so full of crap.
- 00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:16,825 No, I'm seriously.
- 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:19,369 Because I was talking to Craig, and Craig was all like,
- 00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:21,038 "Hey, did you know that in World War II,
- 00:10:21,163 --> 00:10:22,497 they really had concentration camps?"
- 00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:24,082 And I was all like, "no way!"
- 00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:25,917 And then this little light went on in my head, like,
- 00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:28,003 "aw, man, no wonder Kyle thought what I said in class,
- 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,421 see, was directed at his cousin."
- 00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:31,798 But-but I was literally talking about a concentration camp,
- 00:10:31,923 --> 00:10:33,800 you know, where you go for a week to learn and focus.
- 00:10:33,925 --> 00:10:35,927 Oh, man, what a misunderstanding, huh?
- 00:10:36,053 --> 00:10:36,970 You blew the deal, Cartman.
- 00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:38,597 God damn it, give me another chance!
- 00:10:38,722 --> 00:10:40,766 Nuh-uh. I knew you were gonna make fun of my lame cousin
- 00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:42,476 so I offered you the 40 bucks not to rip on him.
- 00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:43,727 You ripped on him. Deal's off.
- 00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:45,937 You did what? - Oh, no.
- 00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:47,481 Ha-ha, serves you right, asshole.
- 00:10:47,606 --> 00:10:51,151 You-you paid your friends to not make fun of me?
- 00:10:51,276 --> 00:10:53,403 Look, it's not because anything's wrong with you.
- 00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:56,573 Wow, you think it takes $40 to get people to like me.
- 00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:58,408 Kyle, I'm sorry.
- 00:10:58,533 --> 00:10:59,951 Because I mean, I really think you could've done it
- 00:11:00,077 --> 00:11:00,869 for about $12.50.
- 00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,454 What?
- 00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:04,247 I mean, you didn't just start at $40 did you?
- 00:11:04,373 --> 00:11:06,333 You gotta low-ball these things, so you have a place to go.
- 00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:09,419 Oh, dude!
- 00:11:09,544 --> 00:11:11,463 Boy, it sure is dry out here.
- 00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:15,175 Gentlemen, imagine being able to travel safely
- 00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:17,177 at incredibly fast speeds
- 00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:21,056 and not having to go to the stupid fart-face airports.
- 00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:24,226 That sounds incredible, Mr. Garrison!
- 00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:25,936 It is incredible, Mr. Hat.
- 00:11:26,061 --> 00:11:27,646 And what makes it possible is
- 00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:30,691 "It's" patented gyroscope design.
- 00:11:30,816 --> 00:11:34,361 Gentlemen, I give you... "It."
- 00:11:34,486 --> 00:11:35,862 Ooh!
- 00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:37,280 Nice! Sleek!
- 00:11:37,406 --> 00:11:39,574 "It" gets over 300 miles to the gallon
- 00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:43,704 and is safely capable of speeds of over 200 miles per hour.
- 00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:45,122 Wow!
- 00:11:45,247 --> 00:11:46,581 This will change everything.
- 00:11:46,707 --> 00:11:48,500 We're going to have to re-think cities.
- 00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:52,337 Now, "It" is easily operated using four flexi-grip handles.
- 00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:54,798 Two of them are on each side:
- 00:11:54,923 --> 00:11:57,843 left side for throttle, right side for steering.
- 00:11:57,968 --> 00:12:01,096 The third flexigrip is gently inserted into the anus
- 00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:03,098 to keep the driver in place.
- 00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:07,352 Oh.
- 00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:08,854 Oh?
- 00:12:08,979 --> 00:12:10,480 There we go.
- 00:12:10,605 --> 00:12:13,233 Now the final flexigrip is directly in front of the driver
- 00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:15,444 so that small switches can be operated with the mouth
- 00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:17,863 as such...
- 00:12:17,988 --> 00:12:20,449 Put the four together and we're ready to go.
- 00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:26,496 Oh my God!
- 00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:27,664 Look at it go!
- 00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:31,168 But the way it works,
- 00:12:31,293 --> 00:12:33,336 do you really think people will go through that to travel?
- 00:12:33,462 --> 00:12:35,547 Hey, it still beats what you go through at the airports.
- 00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:36,673 True. - Yep.
- 00:12:36,798 --> 00:12:38,800 Yeah, that's true. - Yeah.
- 00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:40,260 I can't take it anymore, Stan.
- 00:12:40,385 --> 00:12:41,595 My cousin's been here for two weeks,
- 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:42,763 and he's driving me insane.
- 00:12:42,888 --> 00:12:43,472 I know, dude, every kid in school
- 00:12:43,597 --> 00:12:44,890 wants to kick his ass.
- 00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:45,932 I spent five years in this town
- 00:12:46,057 --> 00:12:47,267 making a good name for Jews and this...
- 00:12:47,392 --> 00:12:48,977 This stereotype shows up and wrecks it all!
- 00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,395 You know what my biggest fear is?
- 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:51,480 That I'll <i>become</i> him.
- 00:12:51,605 --> 00:12:52,606 That somehow his mannerisms
- 00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:53,732 will start rubbing off on me,
- 00:12:53,857 --> 00:12:55,442 and I'll become a stereotype.
- 00:12:55,567 --> 00:12:57,110 I mean, I'm a Jew, and he's making <i>m e</i> hate Jews.
- 00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:59,237 dude, a self-hating Jew-- you <i>a re</i> becoming a stereotype!
- 00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:01,323 See? - I'm back.
- 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:02,824 Ah! - Later, dude.
- 00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:29,893 Tom, the day is finally here.
- 00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:32,229 "It" has arrived for retail sale
- 00:13:32,354 --> 00:13:34,272 and people are getting their first look at it.
- 00:13:34,397 --> 00:13:36,650 Okay, good, just step through here...
- 00:13:36,775 --> 00:13:38,068 And then this is your steering,
- 00:13:38,193 --> 00:13:39,110 and here's your throttle.
- 00:13:39,236 --> 00:13:41,530 Okay...
- 00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:43,365 Okay, now you're just gonna feel a little pinch...
- 00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,200 Arrgh!
- 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:46,618 It's alright. It's just locking you in.
- 00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:48,453 Just take it. - Ahh!
- 00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:50,372 Doing great, Kathy. How's that ride?
- 00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:51,998 Mmph-mm-mhmph!
- 00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:54,376 Okay, now use your mouth to operate the turn signals,
- 00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:55,919 and you're off.
- 00:14:01,967 --> 00:14:04,177 Great, who else wants to give "It" a spin?
- 00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:11,101 Oh, man, is that the "It"?
- 00:14:11,226 --> 00:14:12,894 Yeah. - How is "It"?
- 00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:16,022 Well, it beats dealing with the airline companies.
- 00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:17,357 That's for sure.
- 00:14:21,111 --> 00:14:22,362 I don't know about this, guys.
- 00:14:22,487 --> 00:14:23,989 I think sleds are dangerous.
- 00:14:24,114 --> 00:14:25,866 Look, Kyle, sledding is something all kids out here do.
- 00:14:25,991 --> 00:14:27,242 You've gotta learn.
- 00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:28,910 It seems like I might get splinters, though.
- 00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:30,495 Remember, just hold on.
- 00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:32,956 No matter how long the sledding run lasts, hold on.
- 00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:33,999 Hold on. I see.
- 00:14:36,251 --> 00:14:38,044 Oh, Jesus, the sled is going fast!
- 00:14:39,629 --> 00:14:40,964 Hang on!
- 00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:42,048 I have to watch out for my glasses.
- 00:14:42,173 --> 00:14:45,010 Ow, ow, it's so cold. Oh, Jesus!
- 00:14:45,135 --> 00:14:46,595 How far do you think it is to Connecticut?
- 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,138 It's at least a couple hours.
- 00:14:48,263 --> 00:14:49,139 Think he'll be alright? - He's fine.
- 00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,144 Are you tired of corporate airline companies
- 00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:55,812 treating you like a worthless sardine?
- 00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:58,189 Tired of ridiculous lines and horrible security at airports?
- 00:14:58,315 --> 00:15:01,443 Well, now there's an alternative to airline travel, "It"!
- 00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:03,236 "It" has taken the country by storm.
- 00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:04,821 And already 2 million have been sold.
- 00:15:04,946 --> 00:15:06,531 Never have another important business trip
- 00:15:06,656 --> 00:15:08,408 ruined by airline incompetence.
- 00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:09,492 Hey, ladies!
- 00:15:09,618 --> 00:15:11,494 How did you get to the Grand Canyon?
- 00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:16,458 "It" comes in sizes available for the entire family.
- 00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:19,169 Here you go, Robbie.
- 00:15:19,294 --> 00:15:20,545 Hello, I'm John Travolta.
- 00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:22,756 I used to rely on airlines to get me to set,
- 00:15:22,881 --> 00:15:24,507 but once I got used to "It,"
- 00:15:24,633 --> 00:15:25,926 I found "It" to be a little less painful
- 00:15:26,051 --> 00:15:27,510 than dealing with the airline companies.
- 00:15:27,636 --> 00:15:30,388 I just power up the flexigrips...
- 00:15:36,728 --> 00:15:40,440 and I'm ready to go. Thank you, "It".
- 00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:42,067 So, join the millions of Americans
- 00:15:42,192 --> 00:15:44,277 who have found a little bit more comfortable way of traveling.
- 00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:45,737 Order yours today.
- 00:15:45,862 --> 00:15:48,281 And remember our slogan: " 'It's' better than flying."
- 00:15:48,406 --> 00:15:50,367 Hmm, that looks pretty gay.
- 00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:54,120 Kyle Two, where is Kyle?
- 00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:55,288 I don't know, Mom.
- 00:15:55,413 --> 00:15:56,289 Last time I saw him, he was sledding.
- 00:15:56,414 --> 00:15:57,999 Where on earth could he be?
- 00:15:58,124 --> 00:15:59,459 You know, it's possible he just went back to Connecticut.
- 00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:00,835 What?
- 00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:02,629 I mean, maybe he got so worried about his mom
- 00:16:02,754 --> 00:16:04,130 that he found a way to get back and see her.
- 00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:05,507 Don't be ridiculous, Kyle Two!
- 00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:06,925 He's out playing with his new friends.
- 00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:08,843 I'm just throwing it out there as a possibility.
- 00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,348 I'm back! - Ah!
- 00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:14,975 I'm sorry, you must've been worried sick.
- 00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:16,851 I got your sled tangled up with a bus.
- 00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:18,144 A bus, really?
- 00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:19,938 Kyle, what happened to you?
- 00:16:20,063 --> 00:16:22,023 I was just sledding, and then the next thing I knew,
- 00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:23,775 My sled rope got tangled with a bus.
- 00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:25,485 I got dragged for over 100 miles
- 00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:27,529 before the bus finally stopped for gas.
- 00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:29,406 I'm sorry about your sled, Kyle.
- 00:16:29,531 --> 00:16:30,699 Oh, no, don't worry about it, dude.
- 00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:32,409 Oh, you poor thing!
- 00:16:32,534 --> 00:16:34,244 Come upstairs and we'll get you out of those wet clothes.
- 00:16:34,369 --> 00:16:35,662 Are you alright?
- 00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:37,330 My ears feel like they're frozen off.
- 00:16:37,455 --> 00:16:38,623 And I think I have a hemorrhoid
- 00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:40,291 from sitting on the sled for so long...
- 00:16:43,962 --> 00:16:46,006 ♪ We're in the money, Mr. Hat ♪
- 00:16:46,131 --> 00:16:48,550 ♪ We're in the money, Mr. Hat ♪
- 00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:50,468 Oh, hi, Jimbo, can I help you?
- 00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:52,762 Yeah, I wanted to order that theft alarm for my "It".
- 00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:54,889 Oh, right, right, take a seat.
- 00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:56,641 That's okay, I'll stand.
- 00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:58,143 What do you think, Mr. Marsh?
- 00:16:58,268 --> 00:16:59,769 All set to put a down payment on that baby?
- 00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:02,022 Well, yeah, but I just had one question
- 00:17:02,147 --> 00:17:03,106 about the way it works.
- 00:17:03,231 --> 00:17:04,357 Sure!
- 00:17:04,482 --> 00:17:06,401 Well, it seems all the buttons
- 00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,278 on these front and rear flexigrips
- 00:17:08,403 --> 00:17:10,363 are also found on the side of the vehicle.
- 00:17:10,488 --> 00:17:11,865 Yep.
- 00:17:11,990 --> 00:17:13,950 Well, so, they don't really do anything.
- 00:17:14,075 --> 00:17:15,744 Right.
- 00:17:15,869 --> 00:17:17,287 So then couldn't I just order one that works
- 00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:19,581 without going in and out of my ass and mouth?
- 00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:25,879 Well, I guess you <i>could.</i>
- 00:17:26,004 --> 00:17:27,464 Huh? What's that? What did he say?
- 00:17:29,758 --> 00:17:31,051 I don't know about this guys.
- 00:17:31,176 --> 00:17:32,802 I think playing hide-and-seek in the airport
- 00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:34,012 might be dangerous.
- 00:17:34,137 --> 00:17:35,555 Kyle, we told you, kids in Colorado
- 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:37,015 all play hide-and-seek at the airport.
- 00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:38,475 Yeah, as soon as we get to the concourse
- 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:39,517 You'll see how fun it is.
- 00:17:39,642 --> 00:17:40,810 This is taking too long.
- 00:17:40,935 --> 00:17:42,228 The flight to Connecticut is gonna leave.
- 00:17:42,353 --> 00:17:43,855 Hey, can we speed things up here?
- 00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:47,067 Duh, sorry but ever since that "It" thing came out,
- 00:17:47,192 --> 00:17:49,819 the airlines have had to cut back on employees.
- 00:17:49,944 --> 00:17:51,613 Dude, we're the only ones here!
- 00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:53,865 How long does it take to get five people through security?
- 00:17:53,990 --> 00:17:55,742 Duh, let's see...
- 00:17:55,867 --> 00:18:00,413 Four people plus, times, divided...
- 00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:04,334 Two hours domestic, three hours international.
- 00:18:04,459 --> 00:18:06,419 Can't we just play hide-and-seek at home?
- 00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:07,879 No. - Aha!
- 00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:10,173 What's this? A toenail clipper!
- 00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:12,175 Die, terrorist!
- 00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:13,927 Oh, Jesus!
- 00:18:14,052 --> 00:18:15,512 See, we do these checks for a reason.
- 00:18:15,637 --> 00:18:17,222 This is ridiculous. Come on!
- 00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:24,562 Okay, Cartman, You're it, start counting.
- 00:18:24,687 --> 00:18:26,689 1, 2, 3...
- 00:18:26,815 --> 00:18:27,941 Here, Kyle, you hide in here.
- 00:18:28,066 --> 00:18:29,442 In there? But it's very confined.
- 00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:30,485 I'll get cramps in my legs.
- 00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:31,611 Just get in the box!
- 00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:33,696 Alright, then.
- 00:18:33,822 --> 00:18:34,614 Oh, would you look at that!
- 00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:36,282 I've got a corn on my ankle.
- 00:18:36,407 --> 00:18:37,867 Now, where did that one come from?
- 00:18:37,992 --> 00:18:38,993 That's the fourth one I've had.
- 00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:42,330 These corns are killing me.
- 00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:43,414 I hope he doesn't suffocate.
- 00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:44,791 He's fine.
- 00:18:44,916 --> 00:18:46,751 Yeah, he'll be way better off back home.
- 00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:50,380 Oh, Jesus, this box is going fast!
- 00:18:50,505 --> 00:18:52,382 Oh, I did it again!
- 00:19:00,014 --> 00:19:02,016 Excuse me! What the hell are you doing?
- 00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:03,768 It's alright. We're with the government.
- 00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:04,769 We're just shutting you down.
- 00:19:04,894 --> 00:19:06,146 Shutting me down. Why?
- 00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:07,897 The airlines are in desperate trouble.
- 00:19:08,022 --> 00:19:09,607 Your vehicle is causing them to lose money.
- 00:19:09,732 --> 00:19:11,192 Yeah, well, that was the point, dingleberry.
- 00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:12,527 Put that down!
- 00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:13,820 Right, so the government
- 00:19:13,945 --> 00:19:15,280 is bailing out the airlines out again
- 00:19:15,405 --> 00:19:17,115 by shutting you down and making "It"'s illegal.
- 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:20,243 Oh, God damn it! You better be kidding!
- 00:19:20,368 --> 00:19:21,744 Sir, many people work for the airlines.
- 00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:23,163 We can't let them all be fired.
- 00:19:23,288 --> 00:19:25,081 The airline companies are losing money
- 00:19:25,206 --> 00:19:26,583 because of their own incompetence
- 00:19:26,708 --> 00:19:28,459 and their own inefficiency!
- 00:19:28,585 --> 00:19:30,253 That may be true, but if you build, sell,
- 00:19:30,378 --> 00:19:33,131 or ride another "It", <i>it</i> will be the last time.
- 00:19:33,256 --> 00:19:35,842 Have a nice night!
- 00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:39,679 Arrrrgh! Airline motherfuckers!
- 00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:42,015 You pieces of shit!
- 00:19:42,140 --> 00:19:45,018 Cocksucking sons of bitch airlines!
- 00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:49,397 Oh, it's been days. Where can he be?
- 00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:50,732 I don't know, ma.
- 00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:51,858 It's like he vanished into thin air.
- 00:19:51,983 --> 00:19:53,401 I'm going to call the police again.
- 00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:55,403 Kyle Two, go down to the playground and look there.
- 00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:56,863 I already checked the playground, ma.
- 00:19:56,988 --> 00:19:58,656 I told you he isn't really--
- 00:19:58,781 --> 00:20:01,117 I'm back. - Ahhh!
- 00:20:01,242 --> 00:20:02,869 Kyle, you're back!
- 00:20:02,994 --> 00:20:04,204 Yeah, it was the craziest thing.
- 00:20:04,329 --> 00:20:05,872 I hid myself on a plane to Antarctica.
- 00:20:05,997 --> 00:20:07,582 Oh, it was so dry down there.
- 00:20:11,836 --> 00:20:13,254 So, dude, did Cartman's idea work?
- 00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:15,131 No, I tried getting my cousin lost in the woods,
- 00:20:15,256 --> 00:20:16,216 but a stupid bear brought him home.
- 00:20:16,341 --> 00:20:18,051 Damn!
- 00:20:18,176 --> 00:20:18,676 Just have to face facts that I'm gonna live with
- 00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:20,511 my crappy cousin forever.
- 00:20:20,637 --> 00:20:22,972 Well, Kyle, I-I gotta go.
- 00:20:23,097 --> 00:20:24,432 What?
- 00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:25,767 Yeah, I've gotta get back to Connecticut.
- 00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:26,893 Now that things have changed for Kyle,
- 00:20:27,018 --> 00:20:28,269 his mother needs him back.
- 00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:29,812 Do you promise?
- 00:20:29,938 --> 00:20:31,314 I mean, oh, that's too bad, dude.
- 00:20:31,439 --> 00:20:32,774 What changed for you?
- 00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:34,442 Well, I-I invested in that "It" thing,
- 00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:35,944 and there was a bailout,
- 00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:37,987 so I received a $5 million bailout clause check,
- 00:20:38,112 --> 00:20:39,906 which I can use to help my family.
- 00:20:40,031 --> 00:20:41,741 So I-I guess good-bye, Cousin.
- 00:20:41,866 --> 00:20:44,285 Okay, see ya, Cousin, hope to see you soon.
- 00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:45,578 Not too soon, I hope.
- 00:20:45,703 --> 00:20:47,288 Yeah.
- 00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:49,999 $5 million?
- 00:20:50,124 --> 00:20:52,126 Dude, dude, dude, you have $5 million?
- 00:20:52,252 --> 00:20:54,128 Yeah, I don't know what to do with it, though.
- 00:20:54,254 --> 00:20:55,338 Well, see ya.
- 00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:57,423 Wait, Kyle, this may sound crazy...
- 00:20:57,548 --> 00:20:59,217 But I think you should <i>stay.</i>
- 00:20:59,342 --> 00:21:00,301 Yeah! - Yeah!
- 00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:01,594 Really? - Yeah.
- 00:21:01,719 --> 00:21:04,264 You see, I've learned something today.
- 00:21:04,389 --> 00:21:08,476 Sometimes people have trouble fitting in at school and, um...
- 00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:09,644 Let's see, what did I learn about?
- 00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:11,062 What did I learn about that?
- 00:21:11,187 --> 00:21:12,647 I learned that you shouldn't judge somebody
- 00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:13,982 because that--no, wait...
- 00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:15,692 No, that was good. What were you gonna say?
- 00:21:15,817 --> 00:21:17,735 Listen, guys, I appreciate you wanting me around,
- 00:21:17,860 --> 00:21:20,280 but the fact of the matter is...well,
- 00:21:20,405 --> 00:21:22,865 you guys are just kind of douche bags.
- 00:21:22,991 --> 00:21:24,575 Wha?
- 00:21:24,701 --> 00:21:26,703 I mean, you people are all just such hick, jock rednecks.
- 00:21:26,828 --> 00:21:28,746 It's like you're right out of a stereotype catalog.
- 00:21:28,871 --> 00:21:30,123 I-I can't take it. See ya!
- 00:21:33,251 --> 00:21:35,295 Dude...weak.
- 00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:36,671 Good job, Jew!
- 00:00:08,467 --> 00:00:10,052 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:11,846 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:00:11,971 --> 00:00:13,639 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:15,433 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:00:15,558 --> 00:00:16,475 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,602 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,604 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:00:20,730 --> 00:00:22,231 ♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪
- 00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:23,524 ♪ Headin' on up to South Park ♪
- 00:00:23,649 --> 00:00:25,860 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:00:25,985 --> 00:00:28,821 ♪ [muffled] ♪
- 00:00:28,946 --> 00:00:30,322 ♪ Come on down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:30,448 --> 00:00:32,324 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:00:36,996 --> 00:00:38,247 Jesus Christ!
- 00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:39,749 These lines are ridiculous!
- 00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:41,417 I'm gonna miss my flight.
- 00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,753 Excuse me, there's two other security checkpoints.
- 00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:45,337 Why can't you open those, too?
- 00:00:45,463 --> 00:00:47,506 Duh, I dunno nothing.
- 00:00:47,631 --> 00:00:49,925 But you work for the-- God damn it!
- 00:00:50,051 --> 00:00:51,719 Snooty Airlines announces the arrival
- 00:00:51,844 --> 00:00:54,847 of Flight 239 from Connecticut.
- 00:00:54,972 --> 00:00:56,265 That's your cousin's flight, Kyle.
- 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,308 Hold the sign up nice and high,
- 00:00:57,433 --> 00:00:58,559 so he can find us.
- 00:00:58,684 --> 00:00:59,852 What's he look like?
- 00:00:59,977 --> 00:01:01,187 He's your age and about your height.
- 00:01:01,312 --> 00:01:02,980 I'm stoked my cousin is coming to live with us.
- 00:01:03,105 --> 00:01:04,732 It'll be just like having a brother.
- 00:01:04,857 --> 00:01:05,941 I thought I were!
- 00:01:06,067 --> 00:01:08,194 Oh, there he is, over here, Kyle!
- 00:01:12,156 --> 00:01:14,408 Hello, Aunt Sheila.
- 00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:15,576 How was your flight?
- 00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:16,744 Oh, it was terrible.
- 00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:18,287 They recycle the air on board,
- 00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:19,830 and it really did a number on my asthma.
- 00:01:19,955 --> 00:01:21,373 I asked them to turn up the oxygen
- 00:01:21,499 --> 00:01:22,458 and they wouldn't.
- 00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:23,626 You remember Uncle Jerry.
- 00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:25,086 Hello, Uncle Jerry.
- 00:01:25,211 --> 00:01:27,379 And these are your cousins Ike and Kyle.
- 00:01:27,505 --> 00:01:28,881 Hey, dude. - Nice to meet you.
- 00:01:29,006 --> 00:01:30,549 Let's get down to the baggage claim, Kyle.
- 00:01:30,674 --> 00:01:31,550 Okay. - Okay.
- 00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:32,593 Ooh, that's right!
- 00:01:32,718 --> 00:01:34,345 We've got two Kyles now.
- 00:01:34,470 --> 00:01:38,474 We'll just call you Kyle and you can be Kyle...Two.
- 00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:39,892 Cool.
- 00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:41,519 Next.
- 00:01:41,644 --> 00:01:43,229 Oh, I feel like I've run a marathon.
- 00:01:43,354 --> 00:01:46,690 Okay, the 2:30 flight to Cheyenne has boarded.
- 00:01:46,816 --> 00:01:48,067 Looks like you didn't make it.
- 00:01:48,192 --> 00:01:49,819 What? Well, of course I didn't make it!
- 00:01:49,944 --> 00:01:51,403 The line to check in was two hours long,
- 00:01:51,529 --> 00:01:52,988 and the security line was two hours more!
- 00:01:53,114 --> 00:01:54,657 Yeah, no problem, though.
- 00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:56,826 We'll get you on the 7:00 a.m. Flight tomorrow morning.
- 00:01:56,951 --> 00:01:59,120 I can't go tomorrow. The Jizzfest is tonight!
- 00:01:59,245 --> 00:02:00,871 Would you like a window or an aisle seat?
- 00:02:00,996 --> 00:02:02,414 This is unbelievable!
- 00:02:02,540 --> 00:02:04,500 You know, I seem to remember when the airlines said
- 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:07,920 "we need a $15 billion bailout from the taxpayers."
- 00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:10,005 Mm, okay, and have any of your personal items
- 00:02:10,131 --> 00:02:11,841 been out of your possession since you left?
- 00:02:11,966 --> 00:02:13,634 Well, we gave them the $15 billion,
- 00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:15,302 and they fired their employees anyway,
- 00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:17,638 so now we have three people to clear 400 passengers!
- 00:02:17,763 --> 00:02:18,722 Hey, he's right!
- 00:02:18,848 --> 00:02:20,057 All: Yeah!
- 00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:22,143 Okay, and bags have been with you at all times?
- 00:02:22,268 --> 00:02:23,602 So where did that money go?
- 00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:24,645 I'll tell you where it went!
- 00:02:24,770 --> 00:02:26,105 It went right into the pockets
- 00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:27,940 of the presidents and CEOs of the airlines
- 00:02:28,065 --> 00:02:29,775 so they could keep their multimillion-dollar salaries!
- 00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:31,402 All: Yeah!
- 00:02:31,527 --> 00:02:33,070 And here's your boarding pass for tomorrow morning.
- 00:02:33,195 --> 00:02:34,530 You think you can treat us however you want
- 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,031 because we have to fly!
- 00:02:36,157 --> 00:02:37,950 Well, I'll tell you what, Sally Sass-a-Lot.
- 00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:40,619 I'm gonna come up with a new mode of transportation,
- 00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:42,079 a brand-new vehicle
- 00:02:42,204 --> 00:02:43,747 that'll put all you bastards out of business!
- 00:02:43,873 --> 00:02:45,541 All: Yeah!
- 00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:47,084 You think I can't do it?
- 00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:48,669 I got a master's degree in mechanical engineering
- 00:02:48,794 --> 00:02:49,879 at Denver Community College.
- 00:02:50,004 --> 00:02:51,255 You watch me!
- 00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:52,173 Come on, everybody!
- 00:02:52,298 --> 00:02:53,174 All: Yeah!
- 00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:57,344 Can I get on that 7:30 a.m. flight?
- 00:02:59,263 --> 00:03:03,225 Here we go, Kyle Two, and here's yours, Kyle.
- 00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:04,476 Wh-what is this?
- 00:03:04,602 --> 00:03:05,811 Mom's special stew.
- 00:03:05,936 --> 00:03:06,770 She makes it every Monday, and I love it.
- 00:03:06,896 --> 00:03:07,771 Oh, is this beef?
- 00:03:07,897 --> 00:03:09,148 Yeah, dude, it's great.
- 00:03:09,273 --> 00:03:10,816 Actually, I-I can't eat beef.
- 00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:12,860 I have a degenerative problem with my intestinal lining,
- 00:03:12,985 --> 00:03:14,820 and beef really gives me gas.
- 00:03:14,945 --> 00:03:16,405 oh, I'm so sorry, Kyle!
- 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:17,907 What else can I fix you?
- 00:03:18,032 --> 00:03:19,283 Oh, no, I-I don't want to be a bother.
- 00:03:19,408 --> 00:03:20,451 Nonsense!
- 00:03:20,576 --> 00:03:21,493 Can't I make you some nice pasta
- 00:03:21,619 --> 00:03:23,204 or a frozen fish fillet?
- 00:03:23,329 --> 00:03:24,705 Well, some fish would be great
- 00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:26,290 if it isn't too much trouble.
- 00:03:26,415 --> 00:03:29,418 I'll put it in the microwave right away.
- 00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:32,838 [wheezing]
- 00:03:35,174 --> 00:03:37,009 Mom? - Yes, Kyle Two?
- 00:03:37,134 --> 00:03:38,344 How am I related to him again?
- 00:03:38,469 --> 00:03:39,720 He's your cousin, Kyle Two.
- 00:03:39,845 --> 00:03:41,222 I told you already.
- 00:03:41,347 --> 00:03:43,766 Yeah, but like first cousin or distant cousin?
- 00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,017 He's my sister's son.
- 00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:46,518 That makes him your first cousin.
- 00:03:46,644 --> 00:03:47,937 So we have the same blood?
- 00:03:48,062 --> 00:03:49,897 Now, Kyle Two, listen to me.
- 00:03:50,022 --> 00:03:52,524 Kyle is going through a very tough time in his life.
- 00:03:52,650 --> 00:03:54,902 His mother is very sick, and he's in a whole new place.
- 00:03:55,027 --> 00:03:56,070 He's going to rely on you
- 00:03:56,195 --> 00:03:58,072 to make sure he fits in at your school.
- 00:03:58,197 --> 00:04:00,032 What? How the hell am I supposed to do that?
- 00:04:00,157 --> 00:04:01,450 I'm sure your friends will love him.
- 00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:02,743 What about Cartman, huh?
- 00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:04,078 He rips on <i>m e</i> for being Jewish.
- 00:04:04,203 --> 00:04:05,537 He's gonna tear this kid apart.
- 00:04:05,663 --> 00:04:07,414 Kyle two, he's your responsibility.
- 00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:08,916 Oh my god!
- 00:04:09,041 --> 00:04:10,376 I'm sure you two will become great friends
- 00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:11,961 with lots of late-night pillow talk.
- 00:04:12,086 --> 00:04:13,128 What do you mean?
- 00:04:13,254 --> 00:04:15,339 What room is he sleeping in?
- 00:04:15,464 --> 00:04:17,174 What's this comforter filled with?
- 00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:18,717 Oh, it isn't filled with down, is it?
- 00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:21,595 I don't know, dude.
- 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:24,056 it sure is quiet up here in the mountains and dry too.
- 00:04:24,181 --> 00:04:25,057 Do you have a humidifier?
- 00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:27,977 I don't think so.
- 00:04:28,102 --> 00:04:29,186 Can you take my stupid glasses
- 00:04:29,311 --> 00:04:30,771 and put them on the nightstand?
- 00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:31,981 Make sure they're close by
- 00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:33,190 because that fish upset my stomach,
- 00:04:33,315 --> 00:04:34,692 and I might need them if I have to go
- 00:04:34,817 --> 00:04:35,442 to the bathroom later on.
- 00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:37,027 Okay.
- 00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:41,573 [breathing heavily]
- 00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:54,420 it's got to be simple.
- 00:04:54,545 --> 00:04:56,463 Like a moped but with the ability to travel
- 00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:58,299 at much faster speeds.
- 00:04:58,424 --> 00:05:00,134 If the design of our electrical moped
- 00:05:00,259 --> 00:05:01,385 were altered with--
- 00:05:01,510 --> 00:05:04,096 No, no, no, no. This won't work either.
- 00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:05,597 What was wrong with that plan?
- 00:05:05,723 --> 00:05:07,766 It has to be more stable, Mr. Hat.
- 00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:09,893 A moped would be too dangerous at those speeds.
- 00:05:10,019 --> 00:05:11,478 Damn it!
- 00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:13,355 Now, what if the jet power of an aircraft
- 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:16,025 Could be scaled down into a personal vehicle?
- 00:05:16,150 --> 00:05:17,985 Boy, that Enrique "In-gleses"
- 00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:20,738 Can sure gyrate his hot ass around.
- 00:05:20,863 --> 00:05:22,448 [singing on TV]
- 00:05:22,573 --> 00:05:23,991 Oh, Mr. Hat, will you stop drooling
- 00:05:24,116 --> 00:05:26,410 over Enrique "In-gleses" and--
- 00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:28,662 Wait a minute. What did you say?
- 00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:31,206 I said Enrique "In-gleses" can sure gyrate his hot ass.
- 00:05:31,332 --> 00:05:33,751 That's it! Gyration!
- 00:05:33,876 --> 00:05:35,377 A gyroscope!
- 00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:37,880 It would allow for maximum balance and yet--
- 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,132 Mr. Hat, you're a genius!
- 00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:42,343 It's so simple and yet genius!
- 00:05:42,468 --> 00:05:44,720 Check out his hot bulge too.
- 00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:46,722 Hey, dude.
- 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:47,890 What's that thing?
- 00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:49,308 Cartman, I need to talk to you.
- 00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:50,601 Hello, I'm Kyle's cousin, Kyle.
- 00:05:50,726 --> 00:05:51,643 Cartman, I'm gonna make you a deal.
- 00:05:51,769 --> 00:05:52,644 What?
- 00:05:52,770 --> 00:05:54,063 That kid over there
- 00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:55,272 is my cousin from the East Coast.
- 00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:56,899 He's having a really hard time right now,
- 00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,484 so I'm gonna offer you $40 to not to rip on him.
- 00:05:58,609 --> 00:05:59,777 40 bucks?
- 00:05:59,902 --> 00:06:01,320 But you can't make fun of him at all.
- 00:06:01,445 --> 00:06:03,364 No smartass comments, nothing. - Alright, alright.
- 00:06:03,489 --> 00:06:05,407 And you especially can't say anything about Jews.
- 00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:06,950 Oh, Jesus, why don't you just cut off my balls?
- 00:06:07,076 --> 00:06:08,243 Cartman, no Jew jokes!
- 00:06:08,369 --> 00:06:09,787 All you have to do is keep your mouth shut
- 00:06:09,912 --> 00:06:10,537 and you've got 40 bucks.
- 00:06:10,662 --> 00:06:13,123 Can you do it?
- 00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:15,334 I can't believe how cold it is out here.
- 00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:17,544 It could be tough, but I'll give it a shot.
- 00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:19,046 Alright.
- 00:06:19,171 --> 00:06:20,798 It's a real dry cold. That's the problem.
- 00:06:20,923 --> 00:06:22,341 The cold air makes me wheeze.
- 00:06:22,466 --> 00:06:23,759 Kyle, this is Cartman.
- 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,052 He's my sort of friend--ish.
- 00:06:25,177 --> 00:06:26,512 Nice to meet you, Cartman.
- 00:06:26,637 --> 00:06:28,138 You know, I saw that same jacket you're wearing
- 00:06:28,263 --> 00:06:29,515 at Bosco's for $29.95.
- 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,016 How much was yours?
- 00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:32,768 I'm just wondering if Bosco's is a rip-off.
- 00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:34,603 Oh, man. - Cartman.
- 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,105 Uh, it's nice to meet you, Kyle.
- 00:06:36,230 --> 00:06:37,564 I can certainly tell you're a relative
- 00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:39,233 of my good friend Kyle here.
- 00:06:39,358 --> 00:06:40,984 [whooshing]
- 00:06:41,110 --> 00:06:42,861 What the hell was that?
- 00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:44,154 [whooshing]
- 00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:45,948 Well, what the hell was that?
- 00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:47,658 [whooshing]
- 00:06:47,783 --> 00:06:48,951 What the hell was that?
- 00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:50,202 I don't know; it was going so fast,
- 00:06:50,327 --> 00:06:51,203 I couldn't see it.
- 00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:52,204 But I want one.
- 00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:53,205 Yeah, me too!
- 00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,377 We've done it, Mr. Hat.
- 00:06:58,502 --> 00:07:00,379 Airline companies be damned.
- 00:07:00,504 --> 00:07:03,215 We've invented a whole new mode of transportation.
- 00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:05,259 Get some investors on the phone.
- 00:07:05,384 --> 00:07:08,262 Well, what are you waiting for?
- 00:07:08,387 --> 00:07:11,223 And I know you'll all be very nice to our new student.
- 00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:13,434 Kyle, why don't you tell us a little about yourself?
- 00:07:13,559 --> 00:07:15,394 Oh, well I grew up in the city.
- 00:07:15,519 --> 00:07:16,603 I really don't care for it.
- 00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:17,729 I come from a Jewish family
- 00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:19,189 Which, of course, you already know
- 00:07:19,314 --> 00:07:20,941 because Kyle's from the same family.
- 00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:22,401 I like to read,
- 00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:24,194 and I have these polyps on the backs of my hands.
- 00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:25,529 I don't know what they are.
- 00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:26,864 Oh, my God, I'm not gonna make it.
- 00:07:26,989 --> 00:07:28,365 I'm not gonna make it.
- 00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:30,367 Oh, and I hope one day to be an investment banker.
- 00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:34,872 Uh...must fight it... need 40 dollars.
- 00:07:34,997 --> 00:07:38,000 Okay, why don't you go ahead and take a seat, Kyle?
- 00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:39,460 Where should I sit?
- 00:07:39,585 --> 00:07:40,627 There's no place to sit down here.
- 00:07:40,752 --> 00:07:42,463 Yes, unfortunately, the school seems to be
- 00:07:42,588 --> 00:07:43,797 completely out of extra desks,
- 00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:45,382 so you'll just have to share with your cousin.
- 00:07:45,507 --> 00:07:48,719 What? - Oh, alright, then.
- 00:07:48,844 --> 00:07:52,097 [breathing heavily]
- 00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:53,807 Now let's get on with our lesson about the--
- 00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:55,476 Are wooden desks all that are available?
- 00:07:55,601 --> 00:07:57,102 I usually prefer the plastic ones
- 00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:58,687 because these give me splinters.
- 00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,314 Ugnh-ughn!
- 00:08:00,439 --> 00:08:01,523 I'm sorry, Kyle. You'll just have to make do.
- 00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:02,649 Now let's get back to the les--
- 00:08:02,774 --> 00:08:03,859 Is it cold in here?
- 00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:04,985 I realize we're in the mountains,
- 00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:06,153 but do we have to freeze to death?
- 00:08:06,278 --> 00:08:07,654 Now, Kyle, I need you to be quiet.
- 00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:09,907 In my class, you need to be able to concentrate.
- 00:08:10,032 --> 00:08:12,784 Concentration is the key to succeeding in my class.
- 00:08:12,910 --> 00:08:14,620 Maybe we'll have to send him to concentration camp.
- 00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:16,830 Ah! Damn it, damn it, damn it!
- 00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:17,581 Cartman!
- 00:08:21,293 --> 00:08:23,462 Kindergarten teacher Herbert Garrison
- 00:08:23,587 --> 00:08:25,547 has apparently invented a new vehicle
- 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:28,050 which will give the airlines a run for their money.
- 00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:30,219 Mr. Garrison is putting the final touches
- 00:08:30,344 --> 00:08:33,472 on his top secret device, which he simply calls "It."
- 00:08:33,597 --> 00:08:35,891 So what exactly is "It"?
- 00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,684 Here with a report is a Hispanic man
- 00:08:37,809 --> 00:08:39,311 with some gravy stains on his lapel.
- 00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:42,189 Thanks, Tom-- oh--thanks, Tom.
- 00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:44,358 So far, Herbert Garrison hasn't let anyone
- 00:08:44,483 --> 00:08:46,026 get a look at his invention.
- 00:08:46,151 --> 00:08:48,737 He claims that the vehicle is so genius and revolutionary
- 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,739 that it could cause one's eyes to bleed
- 00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:52,658 if not properly prepared to see it.
- 00:08:52,783 --> 00:08:55,202 But earlier today, HBC news got footage
- 00:08:55,327 --> 00:08:57,829 of some of the country's top investors and richest people
- 00:08:57,955 --> 00:09:00,624 who have been invited for a first look, including:
- 00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:01,667 Steve Forbes,
- 00:09:01,792 --> 00:09:03,085 Steve Jobs,
- 00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:04,169 Ted Turner,
- 00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:05,420 Donald Trump,
- 00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:06,838 Bill Gates,
- 00:09:06,964 --> 00:09:08,715 and Yasmine Bleeth.
- 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,134 Their curiosity is piqued, Tom, and so is ours.
- 00:09:11,260 --> 00:09:12,553 What is "It"?
- 00:09:12,678 --> 00:09:14,179 What does "It" do?
- 00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:17,224 And when will "It" be somewhere where I can buy one?
- 00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:21,770 Reporting live, Jeff Arrrrrrando, HBC news.
- 00:09:24,398 --> 00:09:26,233 You need to learn to play some sports, Kyle,
- 00:09:26,358 --> 00:09:27,734 so we're gonna start with a tough one called
- 00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:29,236 "catch the ball."
- 00:09:29,361 --> 00:09:31,697 I throw the football to you. You throw it back to me.
- 00:09:31,822 --> 00:09:34,074 Oh, but isn't the cold air making the ball really hard?
- 00:09:34,199 --> 00:09:35,450 It's gonna hurt my hands.
- 00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:36,451 It's fine.
- 00:09:36,577 --> 00:09:37,452 Alright, then.
- 00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:38,704 H-how do I catch it?
- 00:09:38,829 --> 00:09:40,038 it's a football dude.
- 00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:41,456 You just put your arms out and catch it.
- 00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:44,751 Alright, here we go!
- 00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:49,172 Now what? - Now throw it back to me.
- 00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:50,882 But it's down in the snow!
- 00:09:51,008 --> 00:09:52,175 So dig it out.
- 00:09:52,301 --> 00:09:53,635 But I'll get snow on my gloves,
- 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,762 and then it will melt, and I'll have wet hands.
- 00:09:55,887 --> 00:09:57,389 Well, then we'll dry them off.
- 00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:58,432 Alright, then.
- 00:09:58,557 --> 00:09:59,474 Oh my God.
- 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:00,934 Kyle, Kyle!
- 00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:02,561 I just found out that in World War II,
- 00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:05,272 Some Jewish people were sent to concentration camps.
- 00:10:05,397 --> 00:10:07,107 Yeah, they were, Cartman.
- 00:10:07,232 --> 00:10:08,400 Oh, and see, I didn't realize that,
- 00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:10,152 but I understand now how you might've thought
- 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:12,112 what I said in the classroom was a racial slur,
- 00:10:12,237 --> 00:10:13,363 but see, I had no idea!
- 00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:15,324 You did, too! You are so full of crap.
- 00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:16,825 No, I'm seriously.
- 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:19,369 Because I was talking to Craig, and Craig was all like,
- 00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:21,038 "Hey, did you know that in World War II,
- 00:10:21,163 --> 00:10:22,497 they really had concentration camps?"
- 00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:24,082 And I was all like, "no way!"
- 00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:25,917 And then this little light went on in my head, like,
- 00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:28,003 "aw, man, no wonder Kyle thought what I said in class,
- 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,421 see, was directed at his cousin."
- 00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:31,798 But-but I was literally talking about a concentration camp,
- 00:10:31,923 --> 00:10:33,800 you know, where you go for a week to learn and focus.
- 00:10:33,925 --> 00:10:35,927 Oh, man, what a misunderstanding, huh?
- 00:10:36,053 --> 00:10:36,970 You blew the deal, Cartman.
- 00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:38,597 God damn it, give me another chance!
- 00:10:38,722 --> 00:10:40,766 Nuh-uh. I knew you were gonna make fun of my lame cousin
- 00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:42,476 so I offered you the 40 bucks not to rip on him.
- 00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:43,727 You ripped on him. Deal's off.
- 00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:45,937 You did what? - Oh, no.
- 00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:47,481 Ha-ha, serves you right, asshole.
- 00:10:47,606 --> 00:10:51,151 You-you paid your friends to not make fun of me?
- 00:10:51,276 --> 00:10:53,403 Look, it's not because anything's wrong with you.
- 00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:56,573 Wow, you think it takes $40 to get people to like me.
- 00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:58,408 Kyle, I'm sorry.
- 00:10:58,533 --> 00:10:59,951 Because I mean, I really think you could've done it
- 00:11:00,077 --> 00:11:00,869 for about $12.50.
- 00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,454 What?
- 00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:04,247 I mean, you didn't just start at $40 did you?
- 00:11:04,373 --> 00:11:06,333 You gotta low-ball these things, so you have a place to go.
- 00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:09,419 Oh, dude!
- 00:11:09,544 --> 00:11:11,463 Boy, it sure is dry out here.
- 00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:15,175 Gentlemen, imagine being able to travel safely
- 00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:17,177 at incredibly fast speeds
- 00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:21,056 and not having to go to the stupid fart-face airports.
- 00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:24,226 That sounds incredible, Mr. Garrison!
- 00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:25,936 It is incredible, Mr. Hat.
- 00:11:26,061 --> 00:11:27,646 And what makes it possible is
- 00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:30,691 "It's" patented gyroscope design.
- 00:11:30,816 --> 00:11:34,361 Gentlemen, I give you... "It."
- 00:11:34,486 --> 00:11:35,862 All: Ooh!
- 00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:37,280 Nice! Sleek!
- 00:11:37,406 --> 00:11:39,574 "It" gets over 300 miles to the gallon
- 00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:43,704 and is safely capable of speeds of over 200 miles per hour.
- 00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:45,122 Wow!
- 00:11:45,247 --> 00:11:46,581 This will change everything.
- 00:11:46,707 --> 00:11:48,500 We're going to have to re-think cities.
- 00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:52,337 Now, "It" is easily operated using four flexi-grip handles.
- 00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:54,798 Two of them are on each side:
- 00:11:54,923 --> 00:11:57,843 left side for throttle, right side for steering.
- 00:11:57,968 --> 00:12:01,096 The third flexigrip is gently inserted into the anus
- 00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:03,098 to keep the driver in place.
- 00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:07,352 Oh.
- 00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:08,854 Oh?
- 00:12:08,979 --> 00:12:10,480 There we go.
- 00:12:10,605 --> 00:12:13,233 Now the final flexigrip is directly in front of the driver
- 00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:15,444 so that small switches can be operated with the mouth
- 00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:17,863 as such...
- 00:12:17,988 --> 00:12:20,449 Put the four together and we're ready to go.
- 00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:26,496 Oh my God!
- 00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:27,664 Look at it go!
- 00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:31,168 But the way it works,
- 00:12:31,293 --> 00:12:33,336 do you really think people will go through that to travel?
- 00:12:33,462 --> 00:12:35,547 Hey, it still beats what you go through at the airports.
- 00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:36,673 True. - Yep.
- 00:12:36,798 --> 00:12:38,800 Yeah, that's true. - Yeah.
- 00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:40,260 I can't take it anymore, Stan.
- 00:12:40,385 --> 00:12:41,595 My cousin's been here for two weeks,
- 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:42,763 and he's driving me insane.
- 00:12:42,888 --> 00:12:43,472 I know, dude, every kid in school
- 00:12:43,597 --> 00:12:44,890 wants to kick his ass.
- 00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:45,932 I spent five years in this town
- 00:12:46,057 --> 00:12:47,267 making a good name for Jews and this...
- 00:12:47,392 --> 00:12:48,977 This stereotype shows up and wrecks it all!
- 00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,395 You know what my biggest fear is?
- 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:51,480 That I'll <i>become</i> him.
- 00:12:51,605 --> 00:12:52,606 That somehow his mannerisms
- 00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:53,732 will start rubbing off on me,
- 00:12:53,857 --> 00:12:55,442 and I'll become a stereotype.
- 00:12:55,567 --> 00:12:57,110 I mean, I'm a Jew, and he's making <i>m e</i> hate Jews.
- 00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:59,237 dude, a self-hating Jew-- you <i>a re</i> becoming a stereotype!
- 00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:01,323 See? - I'm back.
- 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:02,824 Ah! - Later, dude.
- 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,953 [breathing heavily]
- 00:13:14,669 --> 00:13:17,547 [munching]
- 00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:29,893 Tom, the day is finally here.
- 00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:32,229 "It" has arrived for retail sale
- 00:13:32,354 --> 00:13:34,272 and people are getting their first look at it.
- 00:13:34,397 --> 00:13:36,650 Okay, good, just step through here...
- 00:13:36,775 --> 00:13:38,068 And then this is your steering,
- 00:13:38,193 --> 00:13:39,110 and here's your throttle.
- 00:13:39,236 --> 00:13:41,530 Okay...
- 00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:43,365 Okay, now you're just gonna feel a little pinch...
- 00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,200 Arrgh!
- 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:46,618 It's alright. It's just locking you in.
- 00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:48,453 Just take it. - Ahh!
- 00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:50,372 Doing great, Kathy. How's that ride?
- 00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:51,998 Mmph-mm-mhmph!
- 00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:54,376 Okay, now use your mouth to operate the turn signals,
- 00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:55,919 and you're off.
- 00:14:01,967 --> 00:14:04,177 Great, who else wants to give "It" a spin?
- 00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:11,101 Oh, man, is that the "It"?
- 00:14:11,226 --> 00:14:12,894 Yeah. - How is "It"?
- 00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:16,022 Well, it beats dealing with the airline companies.
- 00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:17,357 That's for sure.
- 00:14:21,111 --> 00:14:22,362 I don't know about this, guys.
- 00:14:22,487 --> 00:14:23,989 I think sleds are dangerous.
- 00:14:24,114 --> 00:14:25,866 Look, Kyle, sledding is something all kids out here do.
- 00:14:25,991 --> 00:14:27,242 You've gotta learn.
- 00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:28,910 It seems like I might get splinters, though.
- 00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:30,495 Remember, just hold on.
- 00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:32,956 No matter how long the sledding run lasts, hold on.
- 00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:33,999 Hold on. I see.
- 00:14:36,251 --> 00:14:38,044 Oh, Jesus, the sled is going fast!
- 00:14:39,629 --> 00:14:40,964 Hang on!
- 00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:42,048 I have to watch out for my glasses.
- 00:14:42,173 --> 00:14:45,010 Ow, ow, it's so cold. Oh, Jesus!
- 00:14:45,135 --> 00:14:46,595 How far do you think it is to Connecticut?
- 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,138 It's at least a couple hours.
- 00:14:48,263 --> 00:14:49,139 Think he'll be alright? - He's fine.
- 00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,144 Are you tired of corporate airline companies
- 00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:55,812 treating you like a worthless sardine?
- 00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:58,189 Tired of ridiculous lines and horrible security at airports?
- 00:14:58,315 --> 00:15:01,443 Well, now there's an alternative to airline travel, "It"!
- 00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:03,236 "It" has taken the country by storm.
- 00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:04,821 And already 2 million have been sold.
- 00:15:04,946 --> 00:15:06,531 Never have another important business trip
- 00:15:06,656 --> 00:15:08,408 ruined by airline incompetence.
- 00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:09,492 Hey, ladies!
- 00:15:09,618 --> 00:15:11,494 How did you get to the Grand Canyon?
- 00:15:11,620 --> 00:15:13,997 [mumbling echoes]
- 00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:16,458 "It" comes in sizes available for the entire family.
- 00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:19,169 Here you go, Robbie.
- 00:15:19,294 --> 00:15:20,545 Hello, I'm John Travolta.
- 00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:22,756 I used to rely on airlines to get me to set,
- 00:15:22,881 --> 00:15:24,507 but once I got used to "It,"
- 00:15:24,633 --> 00:15:25,926 I found "It" to be a little less painful
- 00:15:26,051 --> 00:15:27,510 than dealing with the airline companies.
- 00:15:27,636 --> 00:15:30,388 I just power up the flexigrips...
- 00:15:30,513 --> 00:15:33,391 [groaning]
- 00:15:36,728 --> 00:15:40,440 and I'm ready to go. Thank you, "It".
- 00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:42,067 So, join the millions of Americans
- 00:15:42,192 --> 00:15:44,277 who have found a little bit more comfortable way of traveling.
- 00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:45,737 Order yours today.
- 00:15:45,862 --> 00:15:48,281 And remember our slogan: " 'It's' better than flying."
- 00:15:48,406 --> 00:15:50,367 Hmm, that looks pretty gay.
- 00:15:50,492 --> 00:15:52,285 [humming]
- 00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:54,120 Kyle Two, where is Kyle?
- 00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:55,288 I don't know, Mom.
- 00:15:55,413 --> 00:15:56,289 Last time I saw him, he was sledding.
- 00:15:56,414 --> 00:15:57,999 Where on earth could he be?
- 00:15:58,124 --> 00:15:59,459 You know, it's possible he just went back to Connecticut.
- 00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:00,835 What?
- 00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:02,629 I mean, maybe he got so worried about his mom
- 00:16:02,754 --> 00:16:04,130 that he found a way to get back and see her.
- 00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:05,507 Don't be ridiculous, Kyle Two!
- 00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:06,925 He's out playing with his new friends.
- 00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:08,843 I'm just throwing it out there as a possibility.
- 00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:11,179 [doorbell ringing]
- 00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,348 I'm back! - Ah!
- 00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:14,975 I'm sorry, you must've been worried sick.
- 00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:16,851 I got your sled tangled up with a bus.
- 00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:18,144 A bus, really?
- 00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:19,938 Kyle, what happened to you?
- 00:16:20,063 --> 00:16:22,023 I was just sledding, and then the next thing I knew,
- 00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:23,775 My sled rope got tangled with a bus.
- 00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:25,485 I got dragged for over 100 miles
- 00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:27,529 before the bus finally stopped for gas.
- 00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:29,406 I'm sorry about your sled, Kyle.
- 00:16:29,531 --> 00:16:30,699 Oh, no, don't worry about it, dude.
- 00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:32,409 Oh, you poor thing!
- 00:16:32,534 --> 00:16:34,244 Come upstairs and we'll get you out of those wet clothes.
- 00:16:34,369 --> 00:16:35,662 Are you alright?
- 00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:37,330 My ears feel like they're frozen off.
- 00:16:37,455 --> 00:16:38,623 And I think I have a hemorrhoid
- 00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:40,291 from sitting on the sled for so long...
- 00:16:43,962 --> 00:16:46,006 ♪ We're in the money, Mr. Hat ♪
- 00:16:46,131 --> 00:16:48,550 ♪ We're in the money, Mr. Hat ♪
- 00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:50,468 Oh, hi, Jimbo, can I help you?
- 00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:52,762 Yeah, I wanted to order that theft alarm for my "It".
- 00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:54,889 Oh, right, right, take a seat.
- 00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:56,641 That's okay, I'll stand.
- 00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:58,143 What do you think, Mr. Marsh?
- 00:16:58,268 --> 00:16:59,769 All set to put a down payment on that baby?
- 00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:02,022 Well, yeah, but I just had one question
- 00:17:02,147 --> 00:17:03,106 about the way it works.
- 00:17:03,231 --> 00:17:04,357 Sure!
- 00:17:04,482 --> 00:17:06,401 Well, it seems all the buttons
- 00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,278 on these front and rear flexigrips
- 00:17:08,403 --> 00:17:10,363 are also found on the side of the vehicle.
- 00:17:10,488 --> 00:17:11,865 Yep.
- 00:17:11,990 --> 00:17:13,950 Well, so, they don't really do anything.
- 00:17:14,075 --> 00:17:15,744 Right.
- 00:17:15,869 --> 00:17:17,287 So then couldn't I just order one that works
- 00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:19,581 without going in and out of my ass and mouth?
- 00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:25,879 Well, I guess you <i>could.</i>
- 00:17:26,004 --> 00:17:27,464 All: Huh? What's that? What did he say?
- 00:17:29,758 --> 00:17:31,051 I don't know about this guys.
- 00:17:31,176 --> 00:17:32,802 I think playing hide-and-seek in the airport
- 00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:34,012 might be dangerous.
- 00:17:34,137 --> 00:17:35,555 Kyle, we told you, kids in Colorado
- 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:37,015 all play hide-and-seek at the airport.
- 00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:38,475 Yeah, as soon as we get to the concourse
- 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:39,517 You'll see how fun it is.
- 00:17:39,642 --> 00:17:40,810 This is taking too long.
- 00:17:40,935 --> 00:17:42,228 The flight to Connecticut is gonna leave.
- 00:17:42,353 --> 00:17:43,855 Hey, can we speed things up here?
- 00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:47,067 Duh, sorry but ever since that "It" thing came out,
- 00:17:47,192 --> 00:17:49,819 the airlines have had to cut back on employees.
- 00:17:49,944 --> 00:17:51,613 Dude, we're the only ones here!
- 00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:53,865 How long does it take to get five people through security?
- 00:17:53,990 --> 00:17:55,742 Duh, let's see...
- 00:17:55,867 --> 00:18:00,413 Four people plus, times, divided...
- 00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:04,334 Two hours domestic, three hours international.
- 00:18:04,459 --> 00:18:06,419 Can't we just play hide-and-seek at home?
- 00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:07,879 No. - Aha!
- 00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:10,173 What's this? A toenail clipper!
- 00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:12,175 Die, terrorist!
- 00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:13,927 Oh, Jesus!
- 00:18:14,052 --> 00:18:15,512 See, we do these checks for a reason.
- 00:18:15,637 --> 00:18:17,222 This is ridiculous. Come on!
- 00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:24,562 Okay, Cartman, You're it, start counting.
- 00:18:24,687 --> 00:18:26,689 1, 2, 3...
- 00:18:26,815 --> 00:18:27,941 Here, Kyle, you hide in here.
- 00:18:28,066 --> 00:18:29,442 In there? But it's very confined.
- 00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:30,485 I'll get cramps in my legs.
- 00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:31,611 Just get in the box!
- 00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:33,696 Alright, then.
- 00:18:33,822 --> 00:18:34,614 Oh, would you look at that!
- 00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:36,282 I've got a corn on my ankle.
- 00:18:36,407 --> 00:18:37,867 Now, where did that one come from?
- 00:18:37,992 --> 00:18:38,993 That's the fourth one I've had.
- 00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:42,330 These corns are killing me.
- 00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:43,414 I hope he doesn't suffocate.
- 00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:44,791 He's fine.
- 00:18:44,916 --> 00:18:46,751 Yeah, he'll be way better off back home.
- 00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:50,380 Oh, Jesus, this box is going fast!
- 00:18:50,505 --> 00:18:52,382 Oh, I did it again!
- 00:19:00,014 --> 00:19:02,016 Excuse me! What the hell are you doing?
- 00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:03,768 It's alright. We're with the government.
- 00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:04,769 We're just shutting you down.
- 00:19:04,894 --> 00:19:06,146 Shutting me down. Why?
- 00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:07,897 The airlines are in desperate trouble.
- 00:19:08,022 --> 00:19:09,607 Your vehicle is causing them to lose money.
- 00:19:09,732 --> 00:19:11,192 Yeah, well, that was the point, dingleberry.
- 00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:12,527 Put that down!
- 00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:13,820 Right, so the government
- 00:19:13,945 --> 00:19:15,280 is bailing out the airlines out again
- 00:19:15,405 --> 00:19:17,115 by shutting you down and making "It"'s illegal.
- 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:20,243 Oh, God damn it! You better be kidding!
- 00:19:20,368 --> 00:19:21,744 Sir, many people work for the airlines.
- 00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:23,163 We can't let them all be fired.
- 00:19:23,288 --> 00:19:25,081 The airline companies are losing money
- 00:19:25,206 --> 00:19:26,583 because of their own incompetence
- 00:19:26,708 --> 00:19:28,459 and their own inefficiency!
- 00:19:28,585 --> 00:19:30,253 That may be true, but if you build, sell,
- 00:19:30,378 --> 00:19:33,131 or ride another "It", <i>it</i> will be the last time.
- 00:19:33,256 --> 00:19:35,842 Have a nice night!
- 00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:39,679 Arrrrgh! Airline motherfuckers!
- 00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:42,015 You pieces of shit!
- 00:19:42,140 --> 00:19:45,018 Cocksucking sons of bitch airlines!
- 00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:49,397 Oh, it's been days. Where can he be?
- 00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:50,732 I don't know, ma.
- 00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:51,858 It's like he vanished into thin air.
- 00:19:51,983 --> 00:19:53,401 I'm going to call the police again.
- 00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:55,403 Kyle Two, go down to the playground and look there.
- 00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:56,863 I already checked the playground, ma.
- 00:19:56,988 --> 00:19:58,656 I told you he isn't really--
- 00:19:58,781 --> 00:20:01,117 I'm back. - Ahhh!
- 00:20:01,242 --> 00:20:02,869 Kyle, you're back!
- 00:20:02,994 --> 00:20:04,204 Yeah, it was the craziest thing.
- 00:20:04,329 --> 00:20:05,872 I hid myself on a plane to Antarctica.
- 00:20:05,997 --> 00:20:07,582 Oh, it was so dry down there.
- 00:20:11,836 --> 00:20:13,254 So, dude, did Cartman's idea work?
- 00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:15,131 No, I tried getting my cousin lost in the woods,
- 00:20:15,256 --> 00:20:16,216 but a stupid bear brought him home.
- 00:20:16,341 --> 00:20:18,051 Damn!
- 00:20:18,176 --> 00:20:18,676 Just have to face facts that I'm gonna live with
- 00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:20,511 my crappy cousin forever.
- 00:20:20,637 --> 00:20:22,972 Well, Kyle, I-I gotta go.
- 00:20:23,097 --> 00:20:24,432 What?
- 00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:25,767 Yeah, I've gotta get back to Connecticut.
- 00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:26,893 Now that things have changed for Kyle,
- 00:20:27,018 --> 00:20:28,269 his mother needs him back.
- 00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:29,812 Do you promise?
- 00:20:29,938 --> 00:20:31,314 I mean, oh, that's too bad, dude.
- 00:20:31,439 --> 00:20:32,774 What changed for you?
- 00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:34,442 Well, I-I invested in that "It" thing,
- 00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:35,944 and there was a bailout,
- 00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:37,987 so I received a $5 million bailout clause check,
- 00:20:38,112 --> 00:20:39,906 which I can use to help my family.
- 00:20:40,031 --> 00:20:41,741 So I-I guess good-bye, Cousin.
- 00:20:41,866 --> 00:20:44,285 Okay, see ya, Cousin, hope to see you soon.
- 00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:45,578 Not too soon, I hope.
- 00:20:45,703 --> 00:20:47,288 Yeah.
- 00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:49,999 All: [shouting] $5 million?
- 00:20:50,124 --> 00:20:52,126 Dude, dude, dude, you have $5 million?
- 00:20:52,252 --> 00:20:54,128 Yeah, I don't know what to do with it, though.
- 00:20:54,254 --> 00:20:55,338 Well, see ya.
- 00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:57,423 Wait, Kyle, this may sound crazy...
- 00:20:57,548 --> 00:20:59,217 But I think you should <i>stay.</i>
- 00:20:59,342 --> 00:21:00,301 Yeah! - Yeah!
- 00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:01,594 Really? - Yeah.
- 00:21:01,719 --> 00:21:04,264 You see, I've learned something today.
- 00:21:04,389 --> 00:21:08,476 Sometimes people have trouble fitting in at school and, um...
- 00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:09,644 Let's see, what did I learn about?
- 00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:11,062 What did I learn about that?
- 00:21:11,187 --> 00:21:12,647 I learned that you shouldn't judge somebody
- 00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:13,982 because that--no, wait...
- 00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:15,692 No, that was good. What were you gonna say?
- 00:21:15,817 --> 00:21:17,735 Listen, guys, I appreciate you wanting me around,
- 00:21:17,860 --> 00:21:20,280 but the fact of the matter is...well,
- 00:21:20,405 --> 00:21:22,865 you guys are just kind of douche bags.
- 00:21:22,991 --> 00:21:24,575 Wha?
- 00:21:24,701 --> 00:21:26,703 I mean, you people are all just such hick, jock rednecks.
- 00:21:26,828 --> 00:21:28,746 It's like you're right out of a stereotype catalog.
- 00:21:28,871 --> 00:21:30,123 I-I can't take it. See ya!
- 00:21:33,251 --> 00:21:35,295 Dude...weak.
- 00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:36,671 Good job, Jew!
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