Как питаться с помощью задницы

00:00:10,594 --> 00:00:12,263

♪ Gonna have myself

a time ♪

00:00:12,388 --> 00:00:14,056

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:15,641

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:16,600

♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

00:00:16,726 --> 00:00:18,853

♪ Gonna leave

my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,978 --> 00:00:20,563

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,106

♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

00:00:22,231 --> 00:00:23,482

♪ Headin' on up

to South Park ♪

00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:24,900

♪ Gonna see

if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:28,988 --> 00:00:30,114

♪ Come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:30,239 --> 00:00:31,741

♪ And meet

some friends of mine ♪

00:00:34,952 --> 00:00:37,204

Okay now, lift your

chin a little.

00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:38,622

Look right here,

right here.

00:00:38,748 --> 00:00:40,249

Hey, where's my smile?

00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:42,168

Come on, I bet you got

a smile for me.

00:00:42,293 --> 00:00:43,627

I'm starting to

see a smile.

00:00:43,753 --> 00:00:45,004

There it is.

00:00:45,129 --> 00:00:47,339

Okay, great, next!

00:00:47,465 --> 00:00:48,966

I didn't smile.

00:00:50,885 --> 00:00:51,719

I hate picture day

at school!

00:00:51,844 --> 00:00:53,387

It's always some gay-ass

photographer

00:00:53,512 --> 00:00:56,432

with some gay-ass

backdrop of New England.

00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:57,808

Hang on a second.

00:00:57,933 --> 00:00:59,268

My mom said to make sure

I look good this time

00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:01,937

in the school pictures.

00:01:03,522 --> 00:01:05,024

Okay, smile.

00:01:06,358 --> 00:01:09,028

Okay, next.

00:01:09,153 --> 00:01:10,029

Did you go yet?

- No.

00:01:10,154 --> 00:01:11,322

This is taking forever.

00:01:11,447 --> 00:01:13,407

You guys, you guys,

this is so funny!

00:01:13,532 --> 00:01:14,450

What, Cartman?

00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:15,910

Dude, check it out.

00:01:16,035 --> 00:01:17,953

For picture day, Kenny got

into his parka backwards

00:01:18,079 --> 00:01:19,538

so that his ass shows

through his hood, look!

00:01:19,663 --> 00:01:21,248

Kenny, come over here.

00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:27,004

It isn't that

funny, Cartman.

00:01:27,129 --> 00:01:28,005

Yes, it is.

00:01:28,130 --> 00:01:29,298

Next in line.

00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:31,717

Come on, let's keep it

moving kids.

00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:32,802

Don't listen to

that Jew, Kenny.

00:01:32,927 --> 00:01:34,678

It's totally funny.

00:01:34,804 --> 00:01:35,805

Take off your

hat, please.

00:01:35,930 --> 00:01:37,348

But I never

take off my hat.

00:01:37,473 --> 00:01:38,599

Come on now,

I bet your parents

00:01:38,724 --> 00:01:40,184

want a picture of you

looking natural.

00:01:40,309 --> 00:01:41,685

This is how I

look natural.

00:01:41,811 --> 00:01:43,312

Kyle, we're taking pictures

without hats today!

00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:44,772

Crap.

00:01:46,190 --> 00:01:47,566

Smile!

00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:49,110

Come on,

where's that smile?

00:01:49,235 --> 00:01:50,444

Is it gonna kill ya

to smile?

00:01:50,569 --> 00:01:51,654

I see a smile.

00:01:52,905 --> 00:01:53,906

Next!

00:01:54,031 --> 00:01:56,534

Gay-ass.

00:01:56,659 --> 00:01:59,912

Very nice.

Okay, last one.

00:02:01,413 --> 00:02:03,082

Uh-oh.

00:02:03,207 --> 00:02:05,126

Okay, have a seat,

young man.

00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:10,923

Okay, looking great.

00:02:11,048 --> 00:02:12,842

Now, where's that smile?

00:02:12,967 --> 00:02:15,219

Come on, give me

a nice wide smile.

00:02:15,344 --> 00:02:16,846

Wider.

00:02:16,971 --> 00:02:18,264

Perfect.

00:02:18,389 --> 00:02:19,598

How long 'til we get

the pictures back?

00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:21,100

Should be about four days.

00:02:21,225 --> 00:02:23,602

Four days, oh man,

I can't wait that long!

00:02:28,023 --> 00:02:30,442

Come on, come on,

come on, come on...

00:02:30,568 --> 00:02:32,444

Alright class, I have your

school photos to hand out.

00:02:32,570 --> 00:02:33,946

Yes, yes!

00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:35,823

Most of them

are very nice.

00:02:35,948 --> 00:02:37,283

But, apparently

one of you

00:02:37,408 --> 00:02:39,493

thinks it's fun to spoil

their school pictures

00:02:39,618 --> 00:02:41,203

and thinks he's a comedian.

00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:42,788

That person will be

spending the afternoon

00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:43,873

in the principal's

office.

00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:46,917

School photos aren't

for joking around,

00:02:47,042 --> 00:02:48,544

so you aren't getting

your photos back

00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,462

Butters!

00:02:50,588 --> 00:02:52,256

Me?

But I didn't do nothin'.

00:02:52,381 --> 00:02:53,716

For the rest of you,

00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,176

I think your pictures

turned out very nicely.

00:02:55,301 --> 00:02:56,552

But--

00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:57,720

But hey,

wait a minute.

00:02:57,845 --> 00:03:00,139

Let me see!

00:03:00,264 --> 00:03:02,183

But, teacher, I didn't mean

to look stupid in my picture,

00:03:02,308 --> 00:03:04,518

honest!

00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:11,066

Dude, dude,

check it out.

00:03:11,192 --> 00:03:12,651

This is the sweetest thing

I've ever done.

00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:14,195

You've ever done?

00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:16,363

Look how the crack is

centered right in the middle!

00:03:16,488 --> 00:03:18,407

Eric, calm down,

00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:19,950

I'm trying to

yell at Butters.

00:03:20,075 --> 00:03:22,203

OK, OK, I'm sorry,

Miss Chokson-rocks.

00:03:22,328 --> 00:03:24,371

You know very well my name

isn't Chokson-rocks,

00:03:24,496 --> 00:03:26,540

it's Choksondik!

00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:28,459

Say it right or you can go to

the principal with Butters.

00:03:28,584 --> 00:03:30,294

I'm sorry,

Miss Choksondik.

00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:32,254

I tried to make

a good picture, honest.

00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,215

Your mother is waiting for you

in the principal's office.

00:03:34,340 --> 00:03:35,341

My mom?

00:03:35,466 --> 00:03:36,884

Oh, sweet Jesus.

00:03:37,009 --> 00:03:38,552

Oh, oh my God.

00:03:38,677 --> 00:03:40,304

More people have to see

this picture, you guys.

00:03:40,429 --> 00:03:41,430

I've gotta to put it

on the internet.

00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,265

No, wait.

00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:46,018

Kenny, I just had the

greatest idea, ever.

00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:51,857

Welcome to South Park Milk Company,

00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:52,816

Can I help you?

00:03:52,942 --> 00:03:54,235

Oh, yes, hello.

00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,278

I am helping out a family

who has a missing child,

00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:57,988

and I was wondering if

you could print his photo

00:03:58,113 --> 00:04:00,199

on your milk cartons?

00:04:00,324 --> 00:04:01,700

Oh, of course.

00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:03,869

Printing those photos on

our milk really does help.

00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:04,787

Do you have the photo

with you?

00:04:04,912 --> 00:04:06,622

Yes, I have it

right h'nyah.

00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,499

Okay, great.

00:04:08,624 --> 00:04:09,541

We'll print it

immediately.

00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:10,960

You will?

00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:13,796

Thank you for your help.

00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:15,172

Sure.

00:04:15,297 --> 00:04:16,840

If I could just get a

description of the child

00:04:16,966 --> 00:04:18,801

to print underneath

the photo.

00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:20,010

Description...Oh, yes.

00:04:20,135 --> 00:04:22,263

He has blonde hair.

00:04:22,388 --> 00:04:24,807

And a brown eye.

00:04:27,268 --> 00:04:28,686

A brown eye.

00:04:28,811 --> 00:04:30,521

Okay, brown eye.

00:04:30,646 --> 00:04:33,190

And big, rosy cheeks.

00:04:33,315 --> 00:04:34,358

Full cheeks.

00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:37,903

Full cheeks!

00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:40,114

Winking brown eye,

brown eye's winking.

00:04:42,825 --> 00:04:44,910

Ms. Hamilton was

the fourth person

00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:46,954

to be run over by a

motorcycle this week,

00:04:47,079 --> 00:04:49,081

leaving a city to ponder,

"who will be next?"

00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:52,209

Hello?

00:04:54,295 --> 00:04:55,754

You guys, you guys...

00:04:55,879 --> 00:04:57,381

Hello?

00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:02,761

Cartman?

00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:05,556

Hurry.

00:05:05,681 --> 00:05:06,390

What's he want?

00:05:06,515 --> 00:05:07,933

I don't know,

let's go see.

00:05:13,605 --> 00:05:15,149

Why'd you call us?

00:05:15,274 --> 00:05:17,192

Come on, come on.

00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:18,944

It's so sweet.

00:05:19,069 --> 00:05:20,738

You guys, Stan,

here, this is so sweet.

00:05:20,863 --> 00:05:22,156

God damn it,

Cartman, what?

00:05:29,288 --> 00:05:31,165

You put Kenny's picture

on a milk carton?

00:05:31,290 --> 00:05:32,583

Look at the

descriptions.

00:05:32,708 --> 00:05:33,709

Brown eye!

00:05:36,587 --> 00:05:37,671

That isn't funny,

Cartman.

00:05:37,796 --> 00:05:39,298

Oh, it's so

completely funny.

00:05:39,423 --> 00:05:41,383

It's totally funny.

00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:42,801

No, it's not, Cartman.

00:05:42,926 --> 00:05:44,345

You know, there really

are couples out there

00:05:44,470 --> 00:05:45,929

who are missing children.

00:05:46,055 --> 00:05:47,431

No there aren't.

00:05:47,556 --> 00:05:48,849

Jesus, grow up,

you guys.

00:06:00,194 --> 00:06:01,904

Oh, my god...

00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:03,447

Oh, my God!

00:06:03,572 --> 00:06:05,866

Steven, Steven,

come quick!

00:06:05,991 --> 00:06:06,867

What is it, Martha?

00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:08,869

Look, it's him.

00:06:08,994 --> 00:06:10,954

It's...our son.

00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:12,498

Our son?

00:06:18,504 --> 00:06:20,214

...and so that's when I called

out to my husband.

00:06:20,339 --> 00:06:22,383

I just knew the boy pictured

on your milk carton

00:06:22,508 --> 00:06:24,802

was our little Tommy.

00:06:24,927 --> 00:06:27,221

Yes, I see.

00:06:27,346 --> 00:06:29,807

But the child on the milk carton

was reported missing,

00:06:29,932 --> 00:06:31,225

not found.

00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:32,684

We realize that.

00:06:32,810 --> 00:06:34,186

But we just thought

that maybe someone else

00:06:34,311 --> 00:06:37,022

had found Tommy and then

lost him again.

00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:38,399

We're pretty certain

that it's our boy,

00:06:38,524 --> 00:06:40,401

considering his physical

appearance.

00:06:40,526 --> 00:06:42,653

Martha and I have

the same condition.

00:06:42,778 --> 00:06:44,530

Right.

00:06:44,655 --> 00:06:46,281

You may not have

realized it,

00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:49,118

but we actually have buttocks

where our heads should be.

00:06:49,243 --> 00:06:50,744

Really?

00:06:50,869 --> 00:06:52,371

Yes.

00:06:52,496 --> 00:06:53,789

Steve and I have

a condition called

00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:55,791

"Torsonic Polarity

Syndrome".

00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:58,836

It's a birth defect that's

passed on genetically.

00:06:58,961 --> 00:07:01,672

over 11 people worldwide

suffer from T.P.S.

00:07:01,797 --> 00:07:04,800

Mmm, mmm,

that's amazing.

00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,969

Martha and I were lucky

enough to meet each other

00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:09,012

at a T.P.S. Convention

in France.

00:07:09,138 --> 00:07:11,890

So, ah, do you

have heads

00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:13,725

down where your

rear end should be?

00:07:13,851 --> 00:07:15,561

No, no,

don't be silly.

00:07:15,686 --> 00:07:18,564

You see, with T.P.S. the birth

defect is on the exterior only.

00:07:18,689 --> 00:07:20,858

Behind this we still have

all our vital head organs--

00:07:20,983 --> 00:07:22,609

tongue, eyes,

nasal passages.

00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:24,570

well, Mr. and Mrs...

00:07:24,695 --> 00:07:26,113

Uh, Thompson.

00:07:26,238 --> 00:07:27,739

Thompson.

00:07:27,865 --> 00:07:29,992

I'll contact the young boy

who gave me the photo,

00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:31,452

and perhaps we can all

visit him together.

00:07:31,577 --> 00:07:33,287

Oh, wonderful!

00:07:33,412 --> 00:07:35,080

Steven, we're going

to see Tommy again.

00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:36,457

Now, Martha,

00:07:36,582 --> 00:07:38,542

What did I say about

getting your hopes up?

00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:40,169

You're right,

You're right.

00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:46,467

Okay, Cartman, what do

you want this time?

00:07:46,592 --> 00:07:48,010

Oh, you guys, you guys.

00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:49,303

Oh my God.

00:07:49,428 --> 00:07:50,721

Okay, okay, so

get this, get this.

00:07:50,846 --> 00:07:52,973

The milk company

calls me, right?

00:07:53,098 --> 00:07:55,851

They call me and say that

two people from Wisconsin

00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:57,811

saw the picture of Kenny

on the milk carton

00:07:57,936 --> 00:08:00,189

and they think

it's their kid.

00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,443

Dude, that's not funny if

they're missing their son.

00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:06,069

No, no, no, no.

00:08:06,195 --> 00:08:07,863

Because apparently

these two people

00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,990

also kind of look like

they have butts

00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:12,075

where their heads

should be.

00:08:14,328 --> 00:08:15,204

Nah-uh!

00:08:15,329 --> 00:08:16,413

Oh, yes!

00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:17,748

And the best part is,

00:08:17,873 --> 00:08:19,750

they're coming here

to my house--

00:08:19,875 --> 00:08:21,376

and it is gonna be

so funny!

00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:25,088

Oh, jeez, that's

probably them now.

00:08:25,214 --> 00:08:26,465

Okay, you guys,

just play it good.

00:08:26,590 --> 00:08:28,675

Just, shh, no,

you guys.

00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:33,805

Okay, okay-shh...

00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:41,230

Hello,

we're Mr. and Mrs. Thompson.

00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:46,985

Eh.

00:08:48,654 --> 00:08:49,613

Holy crap, dude.

00:08:49,738 --> 00:08:50,739

No way!

00:08:52,908 --> 00:08:55,702

We understand you've

seen our son.

00:09:00,332 --> 00:09:01,750

Uh, is this the

right address?

00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:04,795

I, I don't...

00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:06,630

Cartman, where are

you going?

00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:12,553

Excuse me, do you boys know

anything about this?

00:09:12,678 --> 00:09:14,763

Ah, uhh...

- Oh, boy.

00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,181

Look, if you want

an explanation,

00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:17,516

you better go

to Kenny's house.

00:09:17,641 --> 00:09:18,892

Yeah, he lives about

four houses away

00:09:19,017 --> 00:09:20,310

on the

bad side of town.

00:09:20,435 --> 00:09:21,186

Oh, thank you,

thank you!

00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:22,688

Well?

00:09:22,813 --> 00:09:24,648

They said to inquire

four houses down.

00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:25,857

Let's hurry!

00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:28,860

Cartman, what the

hell you doing?

00:09:28,986 --> 00:09:30,279

Yeah, you missed them

turning around.

00:09:30,404 --> 00:09:31,238

You guys,

something's wrong.

00:09:31,363 --> 00:09:33,073

What?

00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:35,951

I think I just saw the

funniest thing I'll ever see.

00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,495

And I think...

I blew a funny fuse.

00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:40,205

Blew a funny fuse?

00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:42,958

it was just too much, and my

sense of humor overloaded.

00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,711

I don't think anything will

ever be funny again.

00:09:45,836 --> 00:09:50,716

Oh God, what have I done?

00:09:50,841 --> 00:09:52,593

You mean they both have

butts instead of heads?

00:09:52,718 --> 00:09:54,678

Yeah, dude, we'll show you.

They're over at Kenny's.

00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:55,762

How do they eat?

00:09:55,887 --> 00:09:57,014

How the hell

should we know?

00:09:57,139 --> 00:09:57,931

Butters,

hey, Butters!

00:09:58,056 --> 00:09:58,599

You gotta

check this out!

00:09:58,724 --> 00:10:00,267

What?

00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:01,268

You gotta come to

Kenny's house with us.

00:10:01,393 --> 00:10:02,644

There's these two people

who have asses

00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:03,812

where their heads

should be.

00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,314

Ah, I can't fellas.

00:10:05,439 --> 00:10:07,482

I'm grounded for looking

stupid in my school picture.

00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:09,151

But, dude, you gotta see,

it's hysterical!

00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:11,194

Butters can't come out

and play, boys.

00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:12,904

He thinks it's funny

to look like a jackass

00:10:13,030 --> 00:10:15,073

in his school pictures

that I have to pay for.

00:10:15,198 --> 00:10:16,408

But I told you, Mom,

00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:18,118

I didn't mean to look

like a jackass.

00:10:18,243 --> 00:10:19,369

It just happened.

00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:21,455

You made a goofy face.

- No!

00:10:21,580 --> 00:10:22,706

That's just what

I look like.

00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:24,791

See?

00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:27,794

Don't you make that face

at me young man.

00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:30,005

I'm not making

a face, Mom!

00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:31,590

Stop it!

00:10:31,715 --> 00:10:33,258

Come on, we wanna

see the ass people.

00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:34,217

Alright.

00:10:34,343 --> 00:10:36,178

Fine, Butters,

00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:37,971

if you don't wanna stop making

that stupid face at me,

00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:40,057

you can just stay in your room

for another week.

00:10:40,182 --> 00:10:41,600

Another week?

00:10:41,725 --> 00:10:43,685

I hate my

stupid face.

00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:47,773

Okay, Eric,

as your counselor,

00:10:47,898 --> 00:10:51,652

I want you to feel comfortable

talking about anything, m'kay?

00:10:51,777 --> 00:10:52,778

Mr. Mackey, is it possible

00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:54,946

that you can see something

so funny

00:10:55,072 --> 00:10:56,865

that it ruins your

sense of humor forever?

00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,116

Well, I can't think

of anything

00:10:58,241 --> 00:10:59,701

that would be that funny.

00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:01,328

Two people with

asses for heads.

00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:03,330

Ever since I saw them,

I can't laugh at anything.

00:11:03,455 --> 00:11:04,873

Oh, I see.

00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,917

Well, what did you

used to think was funny?

00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:08,377

You know, all the

usual stuff--

00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:10,796

dirty jokes, funny movies,

seeing someone die.

00:11:10,921 --> 00:11:12,673

This morning I even saw

a little girl

00:11:12,798 --> 00:11:13,840

get her fingers caught

in a car door,

00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:15,717

and I couldn't laugh.

00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:18,762

I mean, I knew it was funny,

but I couldn't laugh.

00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:20,472

Well, Eric, I suppose that

just like everything else,

00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:22,474

laughter can be relative.

00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:25,519

In other words, sometimes

people see something so scary

00:11:25,644 --> 00:11:27,062

that nothing else scares them,

00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:29,773

so the same could be true

for funny things.

00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:31,358

So does that mean

I'll never laugh again?

00:11:31,483 --> 00:11:33,026

It's possible, m'kay.

00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:34,444

But, y'know,

if you have completely lost

00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:36,154

your sense of humor,

00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:38,198

you can always become a writer

for the show Friends.

00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:40,200

M'kay.

00:11:40,325 --> 00:11:42,452

Euh!

00:11:42,577 --> 00:11:44,329

And so you see, our son

was just playing a joke,

00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:46,790

and the little fat kid

put it on the milk carton.

00:11:46,915 --> 00:11:48,583

Yes, yes, I see.

00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:53,296

Kenny, don't you think you owe

the Thompsons an apology?

00:11:53,422 --> 00:11:55,924

No, it was foolish for us

to get our hopes up.

00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:58,552

It was just such a coincidence

considering the photo.

00:11:58,677 --> 00:12:00,053

You may not have

realized this,

00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:02,931

but Martha and I have buttocks

where our heads should be.

00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,224

Really?

- Really?

00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:05,767

Mr. and Mrs. Thompson,

00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:07,728

how long has it been since

you've seen your son?

00:12:07,853 --> 00:12:09,813

Tommy disappeared

when he was only seven.

00:12:09,938 --> 00:12:11,648

Oh, Steven!

00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:14,109

It's like it's all

happening all over again.

00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:18,864

There, there now.

00:12:18,989 --> 00:12:22,325

Please, Mrs. Thompson,

it'll be alright.

00:12:22,451 --> 00:12:24,202

Listen, the South Park

Milk Company

00:12:24,327 --> 00:12:25,996

is the country's largest.

00:12:26,121 --> 00:12:27,706

We find lost children

all the time.

00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:35,756

We can help you find Tommy with

the milk company's database!

00:12:35,881 --> 00:12:39,259

Yes, we'll all help you

find your son.

00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:40,844

Just stop crying.

00:12:40,969 --> 00:12:43,054

Please, for the love of God,

stop crying!

00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:48,351

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

00:12:48,477 --> 00:12:51,021

Mr. Thompson, how did your

son become missing,

00:12:51,146 --> 00:12:52,814

was he abducted?

00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:54,941

Yes, he was in the care

of our nanny at the time.

00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:57,110

The nanny that we trusted

so much took off with him,

00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:58,653

and we still don't know why.

00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:02,574

We think perhaps she wanted

a child of her own.

00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:04,326

And this was back

in Wisconsin?

00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:06,912

Yes, but we last heard

the nanny was heading west.

00:13:07,037 --> 00:13:09,372

That's why we thought

Colorado made sense.

00:13:09,498 --> 00:13:10,791

We tried every avenue

to find him,

00:13:10,916 --> 00:13:12,751

but we never tried

the milk company.

00:13:12,876 --> 00:13:14,085

Well, you just

give us a try,

00:13:14,211 --> 00:13:16,004

I think that you'll find

that South Park milk

00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,839

is not the only the best

resource for finding kids,

00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,716

but also the best producer

of the freshest

00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:21,593

2% low-fat milk the

world can offer.

00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:22,719

Thank you.

00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:24,471

Thank you so much

for helping us.

00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:26,556

This certainly is

a friendly town.

00:13:26,681 --> 00:13:28,850

You've all been

so wonderful.

00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:30,477

Yes, I'm so grateful,

I just wanna cry again.

00:13:30,602 --> 00:13:31,520

No!

00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:38,944

Dude, why are you wearing

Shalana's panties?

00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:43,114

I had to wear

Shalana's panties,

00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,534

Lisa's were

in the wash!

00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:49,371

Look, can we just

get this over with?

00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:50,831

But, dude, I can't

French kiss him,

00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:53,917

he's my grandpa!

00:13:54,042 --> 00:13:55,335

Come on, dude.

00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:56,962

Oh, alright,

here it goes.

00:13:57,087 --> 00:13:58,713

Come here, grandpa.

00:13:58,839 --> 00:14:00,131

Ohh!

00:14:00,257 --> 00:14:02,050

Oh, dude, oh.

00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:03,260

Dude, what's wrong

with you?

00:14:03,385 --> 00:14:04,386

Nothing's wrong with me.

00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:06,555

Well, I'm glad

that's over with.

00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,473

We better go back to the house

now to see how Chris is doing.

00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:13,979

Heh heh.

00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:15,564

Hey...Ooh.

00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:19,734

Mr. and Mrs. Thompson,

00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:21,444

as president of the

South Park Milk Company,

00:14:21,570 --> 00:14:23,530

I want to apologize

personally

00:14:23,655 --> 00:14:25,574

for printing that falsified

picture on our milk cartons.

00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:27,993

Please, please,

it's not your fault.

00:14:28,118 --> 00:14:29,411

Yes, but here

at South Park Milk,

00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:30,954

we strive for excellence.

00:14:31,079 --> 00:14:33,707

For instance, we are now

entering the extraction room.

00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:35,083

As you can see,

00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:36,626

we keep it close to the

refrigeration room.

00:14:36,751 --> 00:14:38,128

That way we can get

the milk to the container

00:14:38,253 --> 00:14:39,296

as fast as possible.

00:14:39,421 --> 00:14:40,797

That's why some say

South Park Milk

00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:42,090

tastes like

you're sucking it

00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:43,258

right from the cow's

tits yourself.

00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:44,634

Amazing.

00:14:44,759 --> 00:14:45,969

Here, try a glass of

our cold Vitamin "D"

00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:47,178

and our fresh scones.

00:14:48,346 --> 00:14:49,264

Delicious.

00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:50,765

Oh, excuse me,

00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:52,642

a little difficult to

drink with our condition.

00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:54,269

Martha and I actually

have buttocks

00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:55,395

where our heads

should be.

00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:56,730

Really?

00:14:56,855 --> 00:14:58,106

Well, and in here

we have our

00:14:58,231 --> 00:14:59,941

missing child

resource center.

00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:01,401

Oh, my, isn't

this impressive.

00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:03,153

Yes, with

the Cowron 4000,

00:15:03,278 --> 00:15:04,738

Mrs. Garthunk can

search a database

00:15:04,863 --> 00:15:06,406

of over 30 million

missing child cases.

00:15:06,531 --> 00:15:08,867

We'll start the computer

on a data search.

00:15:08,992 --> 00:15:10,911

Now, when did your son

turn up missing?

00:15:11,036 --> 00:15:12,871

Well, it was 1982.

00:15:12,996 --> 00:15:14,789

Tommy was only

six at the time.

00:15:14,915 --> 00:15:15,707

Alright then.

00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:16,875

Computer!

00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,543

Working!

00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:20,503

Run a scan of missing

children since 1982.

00:15:20,629 --> 00:15:22,964

Check for physical birth

defects called T.P.S.

00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:25,800

T.P.S., Torsonic

Polarity Syndrome,

00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:28,845

plus missing since

1982, working!

00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:30,889

So you actually haven't seen

your son in over 20 years?

00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:32,641

That's right.

00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:34,476

But then why did you think

the picture of Kenny was him?

00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:36,144

Wouldn't your son

be much older now?

00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:37,479

Yes, but since he appeared

to be at least

00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:38,396

eight in the photo...

00:15:40,398 --> 00:15:43,652

we assumed someone had

seen him since we had.

00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:47,822

This is the only photo

we have of our little Tommy.

00:15:47,948 --> 00:15:49,658

It's gonna take quite a while

for the computer

00:15:49,783 --> 00:15:51,284

to do a scan of

all missing kids.

00:15:51,409 --> 00:15:53,244

Well, why don't we let

Miss Garthunk do her work,

00:15:53,370 --> 00:15:56,790

and I'll let you two out for

some good ol' Colorado chili.

00:15:56,915 --> 00:15:58,750

We don't really like chili.

It makes us throw up.

00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:02,045

Well, hello, Eric.

00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:03,588

I was really glad you

called me, very much.

00:16:03,713 --> 00:16:04,756

Jimmy, thank God,

get in here!

00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:06,591

What's this all about?

00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:08,843

Jimmy, you've always been my

favorite stand-up comic.

00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:10,720

You've gotta help me,

I've lost my sense of humor.

00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:12,389

Gee, that's a

terrible thing, Eric.

00:16:12,514 --> 00:16:14,057

Comedy can be the best

therapy, very much.

00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:15,392

I just have to find

my funny bone again.

00:16:15,517 --> 00:16:16,726

Just try and make me laugh.

00:16:16,851 --> 00:16:18,228

Oh, I don't think

that will be hard.

00:16:18,353 --> 00:16:19,562

I've been working

on my routine.

00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:20,939

Okay, let me have it.

00:16:21,064 --> 00:16:22,357

Okay, try this one

on for size.

00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:23,858

Why did the pigeon

cross the road?

00:16:23,984 --> 00:16:25,318

Okay, why?

00:16:25,443 --> 00:16:27,904

Because he was having

sex with the chick...

00:16:28,029 --> 00:16:29,990

Because he was having sex

with the ch-chick...

00:16:30,115 --> 00:16:33,159

Because he was having

sex with the ch-ch-ch...

00:16:33,284 --> 00:16:35,537

He was having sex

with the chicken.

00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:39,165

Nah, see, something's

wrong, I'm not laughing.

00:16:39,290 --> 00:16:40,375

Wow, what a great

audience.

00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:41,751

How about this classic?

00:16:41,876 --> 00:16:43,044

Knock knock.

- Who's there?

00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:44,671

Orange.

- Orange who?

00:16:44,796 --> 00:16:46,464

Orange you glad

I didn't say b...

00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:47,632

Orange you glad

I didn't say ba...

00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:49,509

Orange you glad

I didn't say ba-n...

00:16:49,634 --> 00:16:52,429

Orange you glad

I didn't say ba-nana?

00:16:53,722 --> 00:16:55,348

No, that didn't

work either.

00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:56,433

Wow, what a great

audience.

00:16:56,558 --> 00:16:57,475

Knock knock.

00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:58,518

Who's there?

00:16:58,643 --> 00:16:59,853

An interrupting cow.

00:16:59,978 --> 00:17:04,190

An interrupting cow who...

- Moo!

00:17:04,315 --> 00:17:06,526

What a terrific audience.

00:17:11,156 --> 00:17:12,741

Ah, let's see.

00:17:12,866 --> 00:17:14,492

The Dallas-Fort Worth area,

I haven't tried there yet.

00:17:14,617 --> 00:17:15,577

Computer?

00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:16,870

Working.

00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:18,413

Scan for any children

reported found

00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,248

In the Dallas-Fort Worth area

with a facial deformity.

00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:21,166

Working.

00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:23,668

Negative.

00:17:23,793 --> 00:17:25,045

Oh, this is hopeless.

00:17:25,170 --> 00:17:26,129

Wait a minute,

let's try it this way.

00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:27,213

Computer!

00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:28,339

Working.

00:17:28,465 --> 00:17:30,175

Scan data banks

for children

00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:31,801

who reported their

parents missing.

00:17:31,926 --> 00:17:33,053

Working.

00:17:33,178 --> 00:17:35,388

1,006,000 hits.

00:17:35,513 --> 00:17:37,474

Alright, then break it down

to claims in the past 20 years.

00:17:37,599 --> 00:17:39,726

Working.

00:17:39,851 --> 00:17:42,187

321,000 hits.

00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:43,938

Alright, now run a scan

on homogenized

00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:46,066

versus pasteurized

skim milk.

00:17:46,191 --> 00:17:48,568

In skim form, homogenized

has longer shelf life

00:17:48,693 --> 00:17:50,278

by 2.3 weeks.

00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:51,404

Okay, okay.

00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:52,655

Now give me a breakdown

00:17:52,781 --> 00:17:54,365

of people who are

seeking their parents

00:17:54,491 --> 00:17:58,078

who also suffer from

a disease called T.P.S.

00:17:58,203 --> 00:17:59,996

Torsonic Polarity Syndrome

00:18:00,121 --> 00:18:01,664

plus a claim

not to know parents.

00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:03,750

One match.

00:18:03,875 --> 00:18:05,168

Bingo.

00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:06,002

Do you have a photo?

00:18:06,127 --> 00:18:08,671

Printing!

00:18:08,797 --> 00:18:10,048

My God!

00:18:10,173 --> 00:18:11,007

Oh, my God.

00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:17,931

Butters,

hey, Butters!

00:18:18,056 --> 00:18:19,766

Hey, yeah?

00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:22,018

They found the butt-face

people's son, Butters.

00:18:22,143 --> 00:18:24,020

They're gonna have a big

reunion at the milk company.

00:18:24,145 --> 00:18:25,772

Oh, gee, that sounds

swell, fellas.

00:18:25,897 --> 00:18:28,483

But I can't go, 'cause I'm still

having behavioral problems.

00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,193

Why are you wearing

a paper bag on your head?

00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:32,362

My parents are making me wear

this paper bag on my head

00:18:32,487 --> 00:18:35,448

until I learn to stop making

silly faces all the time.

00:18:35,573 --> 00:18:37,408

They really had it

up to here with me.

00:18:37,534 --> 00:18:40,078

Butters, are you ready to stop

with the stupid faces?

00:18:40,203 --> 00:18:41,621

I sure am, Dad.

00:18:41,746 --> 00:18:43,331

Alright, you can

take the paper bag off.

00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:44,457

Thanks, Dad.

00:18:44,582 --> 00:18:45,542

I'm sorry I was bad.

00:18:45,667 --> 00:18:47,085

Oh, very funny, young man!

00:18:47,210 --> 00:18:49,087

You think it's clever to make

yourself up like a girl?

00:18:49,212 --> 00:18:50,421

But dad, I didn't--

00:18:50,547 --> 00:18:51,714

Did you use your

mother's makeup?

00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,007

She's gonna be furious.

00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:54,467

I'm not wearing

makeup, dad.

00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:56,010

Put that bag back on!

00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:57,887

Yes, sir.

00:18:58,012 --> 00:18:59,514

Dude, that

poor kid.

00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:02,809

Yeah, we gotta remember

to kick his ass tomorrow.

00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:07,730

Dear mom,

00:19:07,856 --> 00:19:10,483

I can no longer stand to be

without a sense of humor.

00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:13,361

Without laughter, the world

is a cold and sad place.

00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,655

And I can't go out

to face it anymore.

00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:19,242

Please tell everyone why

I won't be at school.

00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:27,167

And please buy me

more chocolate guns.

00:19:27,292 --> 00:19:29,043

I'm starting to run out.

00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,385

Please get the kind with

marshmallow inside.

00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:39,512

I don't like the

peanut butter filled one.

00:19:39,637 --> 00:19:41,890

- Eric.

00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:43,308

And so it is

with great pride

00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:45,185

that we have flown little

Billy Thompson out here

00:19:45,310 --> 00:19:49,063

to be reunited with his parents

for the first time in 20 years.

00:19:49,189 --> 00:19:50,523

Mrs. Garthunk.

00:19:50,648 --> 00:19:51,816

Thank you, Mr. President.

00:19:51,941 --> 00:19:53,902

I'm proud to be an employee

of South Park Milk,

00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:57,197

which to date has found

over 100,000 missing kids

00:19:57,322 --> 00:19:59,908

and led the way in the fight

against curdling.

00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:01,534

Mr. and Mrs. Thompson,

your son grew up

00:20:01,659 --> 00:20:03,661

not knowing who his

parents were.

00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:05,079

But he was strong

and resilient

00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:07,665

and ended up becoming

very successful.

00:20:07,790 --> 00:20:10,919

I think it will amaze you

as it will all of us to learn

00:20:11,044 --> 00:20:12,295

that your son...

00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:14,547

Is Ben Affleck.

00:20:14,672 --> 00:20:16,382

Come on out here,

Ben!

00:20:16,507 --> 00:20:18,384

Mom, Dad!

00:20:18,509 --> 00:20:20,094

Son!

00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:21,387

Oh, son!

00:20:21,512 --> 00:20:22,805

What's going on?

00:20:22,931 --> 00:20:24,432

Dude, the ass-faces' son

is Ben Affleck.

00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:26,017

Oh, our little Ben.

00:20:26,142 --> 00:20:27,936

Oh, I'm so happy.

00:20:28,061 --> 00:20:30,855

Wow, I never realized

Ben had T.P.S.,

00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:32,982

but I definitely see

the resemblance now.

00:20:34,776 --> 00:20:36,277

Oh, son.

00:20:36,402 --> 00:20:37,570

Isn't this wonderful?

00:20:37,695 --> 00:20:39,447

Okay, gang,

give me a big smile.

00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:42,283

Well, looks like everything

turned out alright for them.

00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:44,118

Yeah, I guess now we'll have

to call him Ben Ass-fleck.

00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:47,622

Ben Ass-fleck,

that's funny!

00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:48,957

Hey, you're laughing,

Cartman.

00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:50,250

Hey, you're right.

00:20:50,375 --> 00:20:51,876

Oh, this is great--

Ben Ass-fleck!

00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:53,419

Wait a minute, don't you

see what happened?

00:20:53,544 --> 00:20:54,879

What?

00:20:55,004 --> 00:20:56,589

Everything turned out

okay for those people.

00:20:56,714 --> 00:20:57,465

And so now

you can laugh.

00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:58,716

Huh?

00:20:58,841 --> 00:21:00,176

When Cartman first

opened the door

00:21:00,301 --> 00:21:01,469

and saw the Thompsons,

00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:02,929

He felt bad for playing

a joke on them.

00:21:03,054 --> 00:21:04,222

Now that everything's

turned out alright,

00:21:04,347 --> 00:21:05,473

he's able to laugh.

00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:06,683

Whoa, you're right.

00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:08,017

Cartman had a feeling

of remorse.

00:21:08,142 --> 00:21:09,936

No, no, no,

I blew a funny fuse.

00:21:10,061 --> 00:21:11,604

there is no such thing

as a funny fuse, Cartman.

00:21:11,729 --> 00:21:12,981

You felt bad!

00:21:13,106 --> 00:21:14,816

Whatever, all I know is

I can laugh again.

00:21:14,941 --> 00:21:16,484

I'm gonna go home and eat

another chocolate gun.

00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:18,027

Come on, Kenny!

00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:24,409

Wow, Cartman actually

felt bad for somebody

00:21:24,534 --> 00:21:25,660

and couldn't laugh at them.

00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:27,036

Our little man is

growing up, Stan.

00:21:27,161 --> 00:21:28,830

He's growing up.

00:21:28,955 --> 00:21:30,081

Yeah, I guess we all are.

00:21:30,206 --> 00:21:31,708

Maybe things are

finally gonna start

00:21:31,833 --> 00:21:33,293

getting more sophisticated

around here.

00:21:35,044 --> 00:21:36,921

Oh, son.

00:00:10,594 --> 00:00:12,263

♪ Gonna have myself

a time ♪

00:00:12,388 --> 00:00:14,056

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:15,641

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:16,600

♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

00:00:16,726 --> 00:00:18,853

♪ Gonna leave

my woes behind ♪

00:00:18,978 --> 00:00:20,563

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,106

♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

00:00:22,231 --> 00:00:23,482

♪ Headin' on up

to South Park ♪

00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:24,900

♪ Gonna see

if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:28,863

♪ [muffled] ♪

00:00:28,988 --> 00:00:30,114

♪ Come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:30,239 --> 00:00:31,741

♪ And meet

some friends of mine ♪

00:00:34,952 --> 00:00:37,204

Okay now, lift your

chin a little.

00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:38,622

Look right here,

right here.

00:00:38,748 --> 00:00:40,249

Hey, where's my smile?

00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:42,168

Come on, I bet you got

a smile for me.

00:00:42,293 --> 00:00:43,627

I'm starting to

see a smile.

00:00:43,753 --> 00:00:45,004

There it is.

00:00:45,129 --> 00:00:47,339

Okay, great, next!

00:00:47,465 --> 00:00:48,966

I didn't smile.

00:00:50,885 --> 00:00:51,719

I hate picture day

at school!

00:00:51,844 --> 00:00:53,387

It's always some gay-ass

photographer

00:00:53,512 --> 00:00:56,432

with some gay-ass

backdrop of New England.

00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:57,808

Hang on a second.

00:00:57,933 --> 00:00:59,268

My mom said to make sure

I look good this time

00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:01,937

in the school pictures.

00:01:03,522 --> 00:01:05,024

Okay, smile.

00:01:06,358 --> 00:01:09,028

Okay, next.

00:01:09,153 --> 00:01:10,029

Did you go yet?

- No.

00:01:10,154 --> 00:01:11,322

This is taking forever.

00:01:11,447 --> 00:01:13,407

You guys, you guys,

this is so funny!

00:01:13,532 --> 00:01:14,450

What, Cartman?

00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:15,910

Dude, check it out.

00:01:16,035 --> 00:01:17,953

For picture day, Kenny got

into his parka backwards

00:01:18,079 --> 00:01:19,538

so that his ass shows

through his hood, look!

00:01:19,663 --> 00:01:21,248

Kenny, come over here.

00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:22,458

[muffled giggling]

00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:24,001

[laughing]

00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:27,004

It isn't that

funny, Cartman.

00:01:27,129 --> 00:01:28,005

Yes, it is.

00:01:28,130 --> 00:01:29,298

Next in line.

00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:31,717

Come on, let's keep it

moving kids.

00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:32,802

Don't listen to

that Jew, Kenny.

00:01:32,927 --> 00:01:34,678

It's totally funny.

00:01:34,804 --> 00:01:35,805

Take off your

hat, please.

00:01:35,930 --> 00:01:37,348

But I never

take off my hat.

00:01:37,473 --> 00:01:38,599

Come on now,

I bet your parents

00:01:38,724 --> 00:01:40,184

want a picture of you

looking natural.

00:01:40,309 --> 00:01:41,685

This is how I

look natural.

00:01:41,811 --> 00:01:43,312

Kyle, we're taking pictures

without hats today!

00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:44,772

Crap.

00:01:46,190 --> 00:01:47,566

Smile!

00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:49,110

Come on,

where's that smile?

00:01:49,235 --> 00:01:50,444

Is it gonna kill ya

to smile?

00:01:50,569 --> 00:01:51,654

I see a smile.

00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:52,780

[camera click]

00:01:52,905 --> 00:01:53,906

Next!

00:01:54,031 --> 00:01:56,534

Gay-ass.

00:01:56,659 --> 00:01:59,912

Very nice.

Okay, last one.

00:02:00,037 --> 00:02:01,288

[laughing]

00:02:01,413 --> 00:02:03,082

Uh-oh.

00:02:03,207 --> 00:02:05,126

Okay, have a seat,

young man.

00:02:07,128 --> 00:02:08,170

[stifling laughter]

00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:10,923

Okay, looking great.

00:02:11,048 --> 00:02:12,842

Now, where's that smile?

00:02:12,967 --> 00:02:15,219

Come on, give me

a nice wide smile.

00:02:15,344 --> 00:02:16,846

Wider.

00:02:16,971 --> 00:02:18,264

Perfect.

00:02:18,389 --> 00:02:19,598

How long 'til we get

the pictures back?

00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:21,100

Should be about four days.

00:02:21,225 --> 00:02:23,602

Four days, oh man,

I can't wait that long!

00:02:28,023 --> 00:02:30,442

Come on, come on,

come on, come on...

00:02:30,568 --> 00:02:32,444

Alright class, I have your

school photos to hand out.

00:02:32,570 --> 00:02:33,946

Yes, yes!

00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:35,823

Most of them

are very nice.

00:02:35,948 --> 00:02:37,283

But, apparently

one of you

00:02:37,408 --> 00:02:39,493

thinks it's fun to spoil

their school pictures

00:02:39,618 --> 00:02:41,203

and thinks he's a comedian.

00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:42,788

That person will be

spending the afternoon

00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:43,873

in the principal's

office.

00:02:43,998 --> 00:02:45,332

[muffled]

00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:46,917

School photos aren't

for joking around,

00:02:47,042 --> 00:02:48,544

so you aren't getting

your photos back

00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,462

Butters!

00:02:50,588 --> 00:02:52,256

Me?

But I didn't do nothin'.

00:02:52,381 --> 00:02:53,716

For the rest of you,

00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,176

I think your pictures

turned out very nicely.

00:02:55,301 --> 00:02:56,552

But--

00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:57,720

But hey,

wait a minute.

00:02:57,845 --> 00:03:00,139

Let me see!

00:03:00,264 --> 00:03:02,183

But, teacher, I didn't mean

to look stupid in my picture,

00:03:02,308 --> 00:03:04,518

honest!

00:03:04,643 --> 00:03:06,020

[roaring laughter]

00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:11,066

Dude, dude,

check it out.

00:03:11,192 --> 00:03:12,651

This is the sweetest thing

I've ever done.

00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:14,195

You've ever done?

00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:16,363

Look how the crack is

centered right in the middle!

00:03:16,488 --> 00:03:18,407

Eric, calm down,

00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:19,950

I'm trying to

yell at Butters.

00:03:20,075 --> 00:03:22,203

OK, OK, I'm sorry,

Miss Chokson-rocks.

00:03:22,328 --> 00:03:24,371

You know very well my name

isn't Chokson-rocks,

00:03:24,496 --> 00:03:26,540

it's Choksondik!

00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:28,459

Say it right or you can go to

the principal with Butters.

00:03:28,584 --> 00:03:30,294

I'm sorry,

Miss Choksondik.

00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:32,254

I tried to make

a good picture, honest.

00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,215

Your mother is waiting for you

in the principal's office.

00:03:34,340 --> 00:03:35,341

My mom?

00:03:35,466 --> 00:03:36,884

Oh, sweet Jesus.

00:03:37,009 --> 00:03:38,552

Oh, oh my God.

00:03:38,677 --> 00:03:40,304

More people have to see

this picture, you guys.

00:03:40,429 --> 00:03:41,430

I've gotta to put it

on the internet.

00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,265

No, wait.

00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:46,018

Kenny, I just had the

greatest idea, ever.

00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:51,857

Welcome to South Park Milk Company,

00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:52,816

Can I help you?

00:03:52,942 --> 00:03:54,235

Oh, yes, hello.

00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,278

I am helping out a family

who has a missing child,

00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:57,988

and I was wondering if

you could print his photo

00:03:58,113 --> 00:04:00,199

on your milk cartons?

00:04:00,324 --> 00:04:01,700

Oh, of course.

00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:03,869

Printing those photos on

our milk really does help.

00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:04,787

Do you have the photo

with you?

00:04:04,912 --> 00:04:06,622

Yes, I have it

right h'nyah.

00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,499

Okay, great.

00:04:08,624 --> 00:04:09,541

We'll print it

immediately.

00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:10,960

You will?

00:04:11,085 --> 00:04:11,919

[snickering]

00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:13,796

Thank you for your help.

00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:15,172

Sure.

00:04:15,297 --> 00:04:16,840

If I could just get a

description of the child

00:04:16,966 --> 00:04:18,801

to print underneath

the photo.

00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:20,010

Description...Oh, yes.

00:04:20,135 --> 00:04:22,263

He has blonde hair.

00:04:22,388 --> 00:04:24,807

And a brown eye.

00:04:27,268 --> 00:04:28,686

A brown eye.

00:04:28,811 --> 00:04:30,521

Okay, brown eye.

00:04:30,646 --> 00:04:33,190

And big, rosy cheeks.

00:04:33,315 --> 00:04:34,358

Full cheeks.

00:04:34,483 --> 00:04:36,360

[laughing]

00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:37,903

Full cheeks!

00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:40,114

Winking brown eye,

brown eye's winking.

00:04:42,825 --> 00:04:44,910

Ms. Hamilton was

the fourth person

00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:46,954

to be run over by a

motorcycle this week,

00:04:47,079 --> 00:04:49,081

leaving a city to ponder,

"who will be next?"

00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:51,000

[phone ringing]

00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:52,209

Hello?

00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:54,169

[laughing]

00:04:54,295 --> 00:04:55,754

You guys, you guys...

00:04:55,879 --> 00:04:57,381

Hello?

00:04:57,506 --> 00:05:00,050

[laughing incessantly]

00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:02,761

Cartman?

00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:05,556

Hurry.

[click]

00:05:05,681 --> 00:05:06,390

What's he want?

00:05:06,515 --> 00:05:07,933

I don't know,

let's go see.

00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:12,479

[laughing]

00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:13,480

[doorbell]

00:05:13,605 --> 00:05:15,149

Why'd you call us?

00:05:15,274 --> 00:05:17,192

Come on, come on.

00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:18,944

It's so sweet.

00:05:19,069 --> 00:05:20,738

You guys, Stan,

here, this is so sweet.

00:05:20,863 --> 00:05:22,156

God damn it,

Cartman, what?

00:05:29,288 --> 00:05:31,165

You put Kenny's picture

on a milk carton?

00:05:31,290 --> 00:05:32,583

Look at the

descriptions.

00:05:32,708 --> 00:05:33,709

Brown eye!

00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,462

[laughing]

00:05:36,587 --> 00:05:37,671

That isn't funny,

Cartman.

00:05:37,796 --> 00:05:39,298

Oh, it's so

completely funny.

00:05:39,423 --> 00:05:41,383

It's totally funny.

00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:42,801

No, it's not, Cartman.

00:05:42,926 --> 00:05:44,345

You know, there really

are couples out there

00:05:44,470 --> 00:05:45,929

who are missing children.

00:05:46,055 --> 00:05:47,431

No there aren't.

00:05:47,556 --> 00:05:48,849

Jesus, grow up,

you guys.

00:05:54,646 --> 00:05:56,482

[humming]

00:05:58,442 --> 00:06:00,069

[gasps]

00:06:00,194 --> 00:06:01,904

Oh, my god...

00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:03,447

Oh, my God!

00:06:03,572 --> 00:06:05,866

Steven, Steven,

come quick!

00:06:05,991 --> 00:06:06,867

What is it, Martha?

00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:08,869

Look, it's him.

00:06:08,994 --> 00:06:10,954

It's...our son.

00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:12,498

Our son?

00:06:16,627 --> 00:06:18,379

[mooing]

00:06:18,504 --> 00:06:20,214

...and so that's when I called

out to my husband.

00:06:20,339 --> 00:06:22,383

I just knew the boy pictured

on your milk carton

00:06:22,508 --> 00:06:24,802

was our little Tommy.

00:06:24,927 --> 00:06:27,221

Yes, I see.

00:06:27,346 --> 00:06:29,807

But the child on the milk carton

was reported missing,

00:06:29,932 --> 00:06:31,225

not found.

00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:32,684

We realize that.

00:06:32,810 --> 00:06:34,186

But we just thought

that maybe someone else

00:06:34,311 --> 00:06:37,022

had found Tommy and then

lost him again.

00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:38,399

We're pretty certain

that it's our boy,

00:06:38,524 --> 00:06:40,401

considering his physical

appearance.

00:06:40,526 --> 00:06:42,653

Martha and I have

the same condition.

00:06:42,778 --> 00:06:44,530

Right.

00:06:44,655 --> 00:06:46,281

You may not have

realized it,

00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:49,118

but we actually have buttocks

where our heads should be.

00:06:49,243 --> 00:06:50,744

Really?

00:06:50,869 --> 00:06:52,371

Yes.

00:06:52,496 --> 00:06:53,789

Steve and I have

a condition called

00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:55,791

"Torsonic Polarity

Syndrome".

00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:58,836

It's a birth defect that's

passed on genetically.

00:06:58,961 --> 00:07:01,672

over 11 people worldwide

suffer from T.P.S.

00:07:01,797 --> 00:07:04,800

Mmm, mmm,

that's amazing.

00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,969

Martha and I were lucky

enough to meet each other

00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:09,012

at a T.P.S. Convention

in France.

00:07:09,138 --> 00:07:11,890

So, ah, do you

have heads

00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:13,725

down where your

rear end should be?

00:07:13,851 --> 00:07:15,561

No, no,

don't be silly.

00:07:15,686 --> 00:07:18,564

You see, with T.P.S. the birth

defect is on the exterior only.

00:07:18,689 --> 00:07:20,858

Behind this we still have

all our vital head organs--

00:07:20,983 --> 00:07:22,609

tongue, eyes,

nasal passages.

00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:24,570

well, Mr. and Mrs...

00:07:24,695 --> 00:07:26,113

Uh, Thompson.

00:07:26,238 --> 00:07:27,739

Thompson.

00:07:27,865 --> 00:07:29,992

I'll contact the young boy

who gave me the photo,

00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:31,452

and perhaps we can all

visit him together.

00:07:31,577 --> 00:07:33,287

Oh, wonderful!

00:07:33,412 --> 00:07:35,080

Steven, we're going

to see Tommy again.

00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:36,457

Now, Martha,

00:07:36,582 --> 00:07:38,542

What did I say about

getting your hopes up?

00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:40,169

You're right,

You're right.

00:07:40,294 --> 00:07:44,256

[laughing]

00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:46,467

Okay, Cartman, what do

you want this time?

00:07:46,592 --> 00:07:48,010

Oh, you guys, you guys.

00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:49,303

Oh my God.

00:07:49,428 --> 00:07:50,721

Okay, okay, so

get this, get this.

00:07:50,846 --> 00:07:52,973

The milk company

calls me, right?

00:07:53,098 --> 00:07:55,851

They call me and say that

two people from Wisconsin

00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:57,811

saw the picture of Kenny

on the milk carton

00:07:57,936 --> 00:08:00,189

and they think

it's their kid.

00:08:00,314 --> 00:08:02,691

[screaming laughter]

00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,443

Dude, that's not funny if

they're missing their son.

00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:06,069

No, no, no, no.

00:08:06,195 --> 00:08:07,863

Because apparently

these two people

00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,990

also kind of look like

they have butts

00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:12,075

where their heads

should be.

00:08:12,201 --> 00:08:14,203

[cackling hysterically]

00:08:14,328 --> 00:08:15,204

Nah-uh!

00:08:15,329 --> 00:08:16,413

Oh, yes!

00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:17,748

And the best part is,

00:08:17,873 --> 00:08:19,750

they're coming here

to my house--

00:08:19,875 --> 00:08:21,376

and it is gonna be

so funny!

00:08:21,502 --> 00:08:23,253

[doorbell]

00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:25,088

Oh, jeez, that's

probably them now.

00:08:25,214 --> 00:08:26,465

Okay, you guys,

just play it good.

00:08:26,590 --> 00:08:28,675

Just, shh, no,

you guys.

00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,012

[chortling]

00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:33,805

Okay, okay-shh...

00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:41,230

Hello,

we're Mr. and Mrs. Thompson.

00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:46,985

Eh.

00:08:48,654 --> 00:08:49,613

[laughing]

Holy crap, dude.

00:08:49,738 --> 00:08:50,739

No way!

00:08:52,908 --> 00:08:55,702

We understand you've

seen our son.

00:09:00,332 --> 00:09:01,750

Uh, is this the

right address?

00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:04,795

I, I don't...

00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:06,630

Cartman, where are

you going?

00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:08,173

[muttering]

00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:12,553

Excuse me, do you boys know

anything about this?

00:09:12,678 --> 00:09:14,763

Ah, uhh...

- Oh, boy.

00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,181

Look, if you want

an explanation,

00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:17,516

you better go

to Kenny's house.

00:09:17,641 --> 00:09:18,892

Yeah, he lives about

four houses away

00:09:19,017 --> 00:09:20,310

on the

bad side of town.

00:09:20,435 --> 00:09:21,186

Oh, thank you,

thank you!

00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:22,688

Well?

00:09:22,813 --> 00:09:24,648

They said to inquire

four houses down.

00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:25,857

Let's hurry!

00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:28,860

Cartman, what the

hell you doing?

00:09:28,986 --> 00:09:30,279

Yeah, you missed them

turning around.

00:09:30,404 --> 00:09:31,238

You guys,

something's wrong.

00:09:31,363 --> 00:09:33,073

What?

00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:35,951

I think I just saw the

funniest thing I'll ever see.

00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,495

And I think...

I blew a funny fuse.

00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:40,205

Blew a funny fuse?

00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:42,958

it was just too much, and my

sense of humor overloaded.

00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,711

I don't think anything will

ever be funny again.

00:09:45,836 --> 00:09:50,716

Oh God, what have I done?

00:09:50,841 --> 00:09:52,593

You mean they both have

butts instead of heads?

00:09:52,718 --> 00:09:54,678

Yeah, dude, we'll show you.

They're over at Kenny's.

00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:55,762

How do they eat?

00:09:55,887 --> 00:09:57,014

How the hell

should we know?

00:09:57,139 --> 00:09:57,931

Butters,

hey, Butters!

00:09:58,056 --> 00:09:58,599

You gotta

check this out!

00:09:58,724 --> 00:10:00,267

What?

00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:01,268

You gotta come to

Kenny's house with us.

00:10:01,393 --> 00:10:02,644

There's these two people

who have asses

00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:03,812

where their heads

should be.

00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,314

Ah, I can't fellas.

00:10:05,439 --> 00:10:07,482

I'm grounded for looking

stupid in my school picture.

00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:09,151

But, dude, you gotta see,

it's hysterical!

00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:11,194

Butters can't come out

and play, boys.

00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:12,904

He thinks it's funny

to look like a jackass

00:10:13,030 --> 00:10:15,073

in his school pictures

that I have to pay for.

00:10:15,198 --> 00:10:16,408

But I told you, Mom,

00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:18,118

I didn't mean to look

like a jackass.

00:10:18,243 --> 00:10:19,369

It just happened.

00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:21,455

You made a goofy face.

- No!

00:10:21,580 --> 00:10:22,706

That's just what

I look like.

00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:24,791

See?

00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:27,794

Don't you make that face

at me young man.

00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:30,005

I'm not making

a face, Mom!

00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:31,590

Stop it!

00:10:31,715 --> 00:10:33,258

Come on, we wanna

see the ass people.

00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:34,217

Alright.

00:10:34,343 --> 00:10:36,178

Fine, Butters,

00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:37,971

if you don't wanna stop making

that stupid face at me,

00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:40,057

you can just stay in your room

for another week.

00:10:40,182 --> 00:10:41,600

Another week?

00:10:41,725 --> 00:10:43,685

I hate my

stupid face.

00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:47,773

Okay, Eric,

as your counselor,

00:10:47,898 --> 00:10:51,652

I want you to feel comfortable

talking about anything, m'kay?

00:10:51,777 --> 00:10:52,778

Mr. Mackey, is it possible

00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:54,946

that you can see something

so funny

00:10:55,072 --> 00:10:56,865

that it ruins your

sense of humor forever?

00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,116

Well, I can't think

of anything

00:10:58,241 --> 00:10:59,701

that would be that funny.

00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:01,328

Two people with

asses for heads.

00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:03,330

Ever since I saw them,

I can't laugh at anything.

00:11:03,455 --> 00:11:04,873

Oh, I see.

00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,917

Well, what did you

used to think was funny?

00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:08,377

You know, all the

usual stuff--

00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:10,796

dirty jokes, funny movies,

seeing someone die.

00:11:10,921 --> 00:11:12,673

This morning I even saw

a little girl

00:11:12,798 --> 00:11:13,840

get her fingers caught

in a car door,

00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:15,717

and I couldn't laugh.

00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:18,762

I mean, I knew it was funny,

but I couldn't laugh.

00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:20,472

Well, Eric, I suppose that

just like everything else,

00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:22,474

laughter can be relative.

00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:25,519

In other words, sometimes

people see something so scary

00:11:25,644 --> 00:11:27,062

that nothing else scares them,

00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:29,773

so the same could be true

for funny things.

00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:31,358

So does that mean

I'll never laugh again?

00:11:31,483 --> 00:11:33,026

It's possible, m'kay.

00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:34,444

But, y'know,

if you have completely lost

00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:36,154

your sense of humor,

00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:38,198

you can always become a writer

for the show Friends.

00:11:38,323 --> 00:11:39,241

[chortling]

00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:40,200

M'kay.

00:11:40,325 --> 00:11:42,452

Euh!

00:11:42,577 --> 00:11:44,329

And so you see, our son

was just playing a joke,

00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:46,790

and the little fat kid

put it on the milk carton.

00:11:46,915 --> 00:11:48,583

Yes, yes, I see.

00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:53,296

Kenny, don't you think you owe

the Thompsons an apology?

00:11:53,422 --> 00:11:55,924

No, it was foolish for us

to get our hopes up.

00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:58,552

It was just such a coincidence

considering the photo.

00:11:58,677 --> 00:12:00,053

You may not have

realized this,

00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:02,931

but Martha and I have buttocks

where our heads should be.

00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,224

Really?

- Really?

00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:05,767

Mr. and Mrs. Thompson,

00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:07,728

how long has it been since

you've seen your son?

00:12:07,853 --> 00:12:09,813

Tommy disappeared

when he was only seven.

00:12:09,938 --> 00:12:11,648

Oh, Steven!

00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:14,109

It's like it's all

happening all over again.

00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:15,569

[blubberfarting]

00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:18,864

There, there now.

00:12:18,989 --> 00:12:22,325

Please, Mrs. Thompson,

it'll be alright.

00:12:22,451 --> 00:12:24,202

Listen, the South Park

Milk Company

00:12:24,327 --> 00:12:25,996

is the country's largest.

00:12:26,121 --> 00:12:27,706

We find lost children

all the time.

00:12:27,831 --> 00:12:29,833

[blubberfart continues]

00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:35,756

We can help you find Tommy with

the milk company's database!

00:12:35,881 --> 00:12:39,259

Yes, we'll all help you

find your son.

00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:40,844

Just stop crying.

00:12:40,969 --> 00:12:43,054

Please, for the love of God,

stop crying!

00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:48,351

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

00:12:48,477 --> 00:12:51,021

Mr. Thompson, how did your

son become missing,

00:12:51,146 --> 00:12:52,814

was he abducted?

00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:54,941

Yes, he was in the care

of our nanny at the time.

00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:57,110

The nanny that we trusted

so much took off with him,

00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:58,653

and we still don't know why.

00:12:58,779 --> 00:13:00,113

[fart]

00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:02,574

We think perhaps she wanted

a child of her own.

00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:04,326

And this was back

in Wisconsin?

00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:06,912

Yes, but we last heard

the nanny was heading west.

00:13:07,037 --> 00:13:09,372

That's why we thought

Colorado made sense.

00:13:09,498 --> 00:13:10,791

We tried every avenue

to find him,

00:13:10,916 --> 00:13:12,751

but we never tried

the milk company.

00:13:12,876 --> 00:13:14,085

Well, you just

give us a try,

00:13:14,211 --> 00:13:16,004

I think that you'll find

that South Park milk

00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,839

is not the only the best

resource for finding kids,

00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,716

but also the best producer

of the freshest

00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:21,593

2% low-fat milk the

world can offer.

00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:22,719

Thank you.

00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:24,471

Thank you so much

for helping us.

00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:26,556

This certainly is

a friendly town.

00:13:26,681 --> 00:13:28,850

You've all been

so wonderful.

00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:30,477

Yes, I'm so grateful,

I just wanna cry again.

00:13:30,602 --> 00:13:31,520

All: No!

00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:38,944

Dude, why are you wearing

Shalana's panties?

00:13:39,069 --> 00:13:41,279

[laughter]

00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:43,114

I had to wear

Shalana's panties,

00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,534

Lisa's were

in the wash!

00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:49,371

Look, can we just

get this over with?

00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:50,831

But, dude, I can't

French kiss him,

00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:53,917

he's my grandpa!

00:13:54,042 --> 00:13:55,335

Come on, dude.

00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:56,962

Oh, alright,

here it goes.

00:13:57,087 --> 00:13:58,713

Come here, grandpa.

00:13:58,839 --> 00:14:00,131

Ohh!

00:14:00,257 --> 00:14:02,050

Oh, dude, oh.

00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:03,260

Dude, what's wrong

with you?

00:14:03,385 --> 00:14:04,386

Nothing's wrong with me.

00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:06,555

Well, I'm glad

that's over with.

00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,473

We better go back to the house

now to see how Chris is doing.

00:14:08,598 --> 00:14:10,725

[insincere laugh]

00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:13,979

Heh heh.

00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:15,564

Hey...Ooh.

00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:19,734

Mr. and Mrs. Thompson,

00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:21,444

as president of the

South Park Milk Company,

00:14:21,570 --> 00:14:23,530

I want to apologize

personally

00:14:23,655 --> 00:14:25,574

for printing that falsified

picture on our milk cartons.

00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:27,993

Please, please,

it's not your fault.

00:14:28,118 --> 00:14:29,411

Yes, but here

at South Park Milk,

00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:30,954

we strive for excellence.

00:14:31,079 --> 00:14:33,707

For instance, we are now

entering the extraction room.

00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:35,083

As you can see,

00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:36,626

we keep it close to the

refrigeration room.

00:14:36,751 --> 00:14:38,128

That way we can get

the milk to the container

00:14:38,253 --> 00:14:39,296

as fast as possible.

00:14:39,421 --> 00:14:40,797

That's why some say

South Park Milk

00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:42,090

tastes like

you're sucking it

00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:43,258

right from the cow's

tits yourself.

00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:44,634

Amazing.

00:14:44,759 --> 00:14:45,969

Here, try a glass of

our cold Vitamin "D"

00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:47,178

and our fresh scones.

00:14:47,304 --> 00:14:48,221

[chewing loudly]

00:14:48,346 --> 00:14:49,264

Delicious.

00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:50,765

Oh, excuse me,

00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:52,642

a little difficult to

drink with our condition.

00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:54,269

Martha and I actually

have buttocks

00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:55,395

where our heads

should be.

00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:56,730

Really?

00:14:56,855 --> 00:14:58,106

Well, and in here

we have our

00:14:58,231 --> 00:14:59,941

missing child

resource center.

00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:01,401

Oh, my, isn't

this impressive.

00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:03,153

Yes, with

the Cowron 4000,

00:15:03,278 --> 00:15:04,738

Mrs. Garthunk can

search a database

00:15:04,863 --> 00:15:06,406

of over 30 million

missing child cases.

00:15:06,531 --> 00:15:08,867

We'll start the computer

on a data search.

00:15:08,992 --> 00:15:10,911

Now, when did your son

turn up missing?

00:15:11,036 --> 00:15:12,871

Well, it was 1982.

00:15:12,996 --> 00:15:14,789

Tommy was only

six at the time.

00:15:14,915 --> 00:15:15,707

Alright then.

00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:16,875

Computer!

00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,543

Working!

00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:20,503

Run a scan of missing

children since 1982.

00:15:20,629 --> 00:15:22,964

Check for physical birth

defects called T.P.S.

00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:25,800

T.P.S., Torsonic

Polarity Syndrome,

00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:28,845

plus missing since

1982, working!

00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:30,889

So you actually haven't seen

your son in over 20 years?

00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:32,641

That's right.

00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:34,476

But then why did you think

the picture of Kenny was him?

00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:36,144

Wouldn't your son

be much older now?

00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:37,479

Yes, but since he appeared

to be at least

00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:38,396

eight in the photo...

00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:40,273

[chewing]

00:15:40,398 --> 00:15:43,652

we assumed someone had

seen him since we had.

00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:47,822

This is the only photo

we have of our little Tommy.

00:15:47,948 --> 00:15:49,658

It's gonna take quite a while

for the computer

00:15:49,783 --> 00:15:51,284

to do a scan of

all missing kids.

00:15:51,409 --> 00:15:53,244

Well, why don't we let

Miss Garthunk do her work,

00:15:53,370 --> 00:15:56,790

and I'll let you two out for

some good ol' Colorado chili.

00:15:56,915 --> 00:15:58,750

We don't really like chili.

It makes us throw up.

00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:00,126

[doorbell]

00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:02,045

Well, hello, Eric.

00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:03,588

I was really glad you

called me, very much.

00:16:03,713 --> 00:16:04,756

Jimmy, thank God,

get in here!

00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:06,591

What's this all about?

00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:08,843

Jimmy, you've always been my

favorite stand-up comic.

00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:10,720

You've gotta help me,

I've lost my sense of humor.

00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:12,389

Gee, that's a

terrible thing, Eric.

00:16:12,514 --> 00:16:14,057

Comedy can be the best

therapy, very much.

00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:15,392

I just have to find

my funny bone again.

00:16:15,517 --> 00:16:16,726

Just try and make me laugh.

00:16:16,851 --> 00:16:18,228

Oh, I don't think

that will be hard.

00:16:18,353 --> 00:16:19,562

I've been working

on my routine.

00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:20,939

Okay, let me have it.

00:16:21,064 --> 00:16:22,357

Okay, try this one

on for size.

00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:23,858

Why did the pigeon

cross the road?

00:16:23,984 --> 00:16:25,318

Okay, why?

00:16:25,443 --> 00:16:27,904

Because he was having

sex with the chick...

00:16:28,029 --> 00:16:29,990

Because he was having sex

with the ch-chick...

00:16:30,115 --> 00:16:33,159

Because he was having

sex with the ch-ch-ch...

00:16:33,284 --> 00:16:35,537

He was having sex

with the chicken.

00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:39,165

Nah, see, something's

wrong, I'm not laughing.

00:16:39,290 --> 00:16:40,375

Wow, what a great

audience.

00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:41,751

How about this classic?

00:16:41,876 --> 00:16:43,044

Knock knock.

- Who's there?

00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:44,671

Orange.

- Orange who?

00:16:44,796 --> 00:16:46,464

Orange you glad

I didn't say b...

00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:47,632

Orange you glad

I didn't say ba...

00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:49,509

Orange you glad

I didn't say ba-n...

00:16:49,634 --> 00:16:52,429

Orange you glad

I didn't say ba-nana?

00:16:53,722 --> 00:16:55,348

No, that didn't

work either.

00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:56,433

Wow, what a great

audience.

00:16:56,558 --> 00:16:57,475

Knock knock.

00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:58,518

[sighs]

Who's there?

00:16:58,643 --> 00:16:59,853

An interrupting cow.

00:16:59,978 --> 00:17:04,190

An interrupting cow who...

- Moo!

00:17:04,315 --> 00:17:06,526

What a terrific audience.

00:17:11,156 --> 00:17:12,741

Ah, let's see.

00:17:12,866 --> 00:17:14,492

The Dallas-Fort Worth area,

I haven't tried there yet.

00:17:14,617 --> 00:17:15,577

Computer?

00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:16,870

Working.

00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:18,413

Scan for any children

reported found

00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,248

In the Dallas-Fort Worth area

with a facial deformity.

00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:21,166

Working.

00:17:21,291 --> 00:17:22,500

[beeping]

00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:23,668

Negative.

00:17:23,793 --> 00:17:25,045

Oh, this is hopeless.

00:17:25,170 --> 00:17:26,129

Wait a minute,

let's try it this way.

00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:27,213

Computer!

00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:28,339

Working.

00:17:28,465 --> 00:17:30,175

Scan data banks

for children

00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:31,801

who reported their

parents missing.

00:17:31,926 --> 00:17:33,053

Working.

00:17:33,178 --> 00:17:35,388

1,006,000 hits.

00:17:35,513 --> 00:17:37,474

Alright, then break it down

to claims in the past 20 years.

00:17:37,599 --> 00:17:39,726

Working.

00:17:39,851 --> 00:17:42,187

321,000 hits.

00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:43,938

Alright, now run a scan

on homogenized

00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:46,066

versus pasteurized

skim milk.

00:17:46,191 --> 00:17:48,568

In skim form, homogenized

has longer shelf life

00:17:48,693 --> 00:17:50,278

by 2.3 weeks.

00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:51,404

Okay, okay.

00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:52,655

Now give me a breakdown

00:17:52,781 --> 00:17:54,365

of people who are

seeking their parents

00:17:54,491 --> 00:17:58,078

who also suffer from

a disease called T.P.S.

00:17:58,203 --> 00:17:59,996

Torsonic Polarity Syndrome

00:18:00,121 --> 00:18:01,664

plus a claim

not to know parents.

00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:03,750

One match.

00:18:03,875 --> 00:18:05,168

Bingo.

00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:06,002

Do you have a photo?

00:18:06,127 --> 00:18:08,671

Printing!

00:18:08,797 --> 00:18:10,048

My God!

00:18:10,173 --> 00:18:11,007

Oh, my God.

00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:17,931

Butters,

hey, Butters!

00:18:18,056 --> 00:18:19,766

Hey, yeah?

00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:22,018

They found the butt-face

people's son, Butters.

00:18:22,143 --> 00:18:24,020

They're gonna have a big

reunion at the milk company.

00:18:24,145 --> 00:18:25,772

Oh, gee, that sounds

swell, fellas.

00:18:25,897 --> 00:18:28,483

But I can't go, 'cause I'm still

having behavioral problems.

00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,193

Why are you wearing

a paper bag on your head?

00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:32,362

My parents are making me wear

this paper bag on my head

00:18:32,487 --> 00:18:35,448

until I learn to stop making

silly faces all the time.

00:18:35,573 --> 00:18:37,408

They really had it

up to here with me.

00:18:37,534 --> 00:18:40,078

Butters, are you ready to stop

with the stupid faces?

00:18:40,203 --> 00:18:41,621

I sure am, Dad.

00:18:41,746 --> 00:18:43,331

Alright, you can

take the paper bag off.

00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:44,457

Thanks, Dad.

00:18:44,582 --> 00:18:45,542

I'm sorry I was bad.

00:18:45,667 --> 00:18:47,085

Oh, very funny, young man!

00:18:47,210 --> 00:18:49,087

You think it's clever to make

yourself up like a girl?

00:18:49,212 --> 00:18:50,421

But dad, I didn't--

00:18:50,547 --> 00:18:51,714

Did you use your

mother's makeup?

00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,007

She's gonna be furious.

00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:54,467

I'm not wearing

makeup, dad.

00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:56,010

Put that bag back on!

00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:57,887

Yes, sir.

00:18:58,012 --> 00:18:59,514

Dude, that

poor kid.

00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:02,809

Yeah, we gotta remember

to kick his ass tomorrow.

00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:07,730

Dear mom,

00:19:07,856 --> 00:19:10,483

I can no longer stand to be

without a sense of humor.

00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:13,361

Without laughter, the world

is a cold and sad place.

00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,655

And I can't go out

to face it anymore.

00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:19,242

Please tell everyone why

I won't be at school.

00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:27,167

And please buy me

more chocolate guns.

00:19:27,292 --> 00:19:29,043

I'm starting to run out.

00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,385

Please get the kind with

marshmallow inside.

00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:39,512

I don't like the

peanut butter filled one.

00:19:39,637 --> 00:19:41,890

- Eric.

00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:43,308

And so it is

with great pride

00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:45,185

that we have flown little

Billy Thompson out here

00:19:45,310 --> 00:19:49,063

to be reunited with his parents

for the first time in 20 years.

00:19:49,189 --> 00:19:50,523

Mrs. Garthunk.

00:19:50,648 --> 00:19:51,816

Thank you, Mr. President.

00:19:51,941 --> 00:19:53,902

I'm proud to be an employee

of South Park Milk,

00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:57,197

which to date has found

over 100,000 missing kids

00:19:57,322 --> 00:19:59,908

and led the way in the fight

against curdling.

00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:01,534

Mr. and Mrs. Thompson,

your son grew up

00:20:01,659 --> 00:20:03,661

not knowing who his

parents were.

00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:05,079

But he was strong

and resilient

00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:07,665

and ended up becoming

very successful.

00:20:07,790 --> 00:20:10,919

I think it will amaze you

as it will all of us to learn

00:20:11,044 --> 00:20:12,295

that your son...

00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:14,547

Is Ben Affleck.

00:20:14,672 --> 00:20:16,382

Come on out here,

Ben!

00:20:16,507 --> 00:20:18,384

Mom, Dad!

00:20:18,509 --> 00:20:20,094

Son!

00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:21,387

Oh, son!

00:20:21,512 --> 00:20:22,805

What's going on?

00:20:22,931 --> 00:20:24,432

Dude, the ass-faces' son

is Ben Affleck.

00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:26,017

Oh, our little Ben.

00:20:26,142 --> 00:20:27,936

Oh, I'm so happy.

00:20:28,061 --> 00:20:30,855

Wow, I never realized

Ben had T.P.S.,

00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:32,982

but I definitely see

the resemblance now.

00:20:33,107 --> 00:20:34,651

[farting]

00:20:34,776 --> 00:20:36,277

Oh, son.

[farting]

00:20:36,402 --> 00:20:37,570

Isn't this wonderful?

00:20:37,695 --> 00:20:39,447

Okay, gang,

give me a big smile.

00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:42,283

Well, looks like everything

turned out alright for them.

00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:44,118

Yeah, I guess now we'll have

to call him Ben Ass-fleck.

00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:46,621

[laughing]

00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:47,622

Ben Ass-fleck,

that's funny!

00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:48,957

Hey, you're laughing,

Cartman.

00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:50,250

Hey, you're right.

00:20:50,375 --> 00:20:51,876

Oh, this is great--

Ben Ass-fleck!

00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:53,419

Wait a minute, don't you

see what happened?

00:20:53,544 --> 00:20:54,879

What?

00:20:55,004 --> 00:20:56,589

Everything turned out

okay for those people.

00:20:56,714 --> 00:20:57,465

And so now

you can laugh.

00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:58,716

Huh?

00:20:58,841 --> 00:21:00,176

When Cartman first

opened the door

00:21:00,301 --> 00:21:01,469

and saw the Thompsons,

00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:02,929

He felt bad for playing

a joke on them.

00:21:03,054 --> 00:21:04,222

Now that everything's

turned out alright,

00:21:04,347 --> 00:21:05,473

he's able to laugh.

00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:06,683

Whoa, you're right.

00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:08,017

Cartman had a feeling

of remorse.

00:21:08,142 --> 00:21:09,936

No, no, no,

I blew a funny fuse.

00:21:10,061 --> 00:21:11,604

there is no such thing

as a funny fuse, Cartman.

00:21:11,729 --> 00:21:12,981

You felt bad!

00:21:13,106 --> 00:21:14,816

Whatever, all I know is

I can laugh again.

00:21:14,941 --> 00:21:16,484

I'm gonna go home and eat

another chocolate gun.

00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:18,027

Come on, Kenny!

00:21:19,904 --> 00:21:22,365

[laughing]

00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:24,409

Wow, Cartman actually

felt bad for somebody

00:21:24,534 --> 00:21:25,660

and couldn't laugh at them.

00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:27,036

Our little man is

growing up, Stan.

00:21:27,161 --> 00:21:28,830

He's growing up.

00:21:28,955 --> 00:21:30,081

Yeah, I guess we all are.

00:21:30,206 --> 00:21:31,708

Maybe things are

finally gonna start

00:21:31,833 --> 00:21:33,293

getting more sophisticated

around here.

00:21:33,418 --> 00:21:34,919

[farting]

00:21:35,044 --> 00:21:36,921

Oh, son.