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Правильное использование презерватива
Proper Condom Use
Сезон: 05Серия: 07
Описание
Школа вынуждена преподавать половое воспитание в младших классах после того, как мальчики стали «доить» собак. Но дети неправильно понимают новую информацию.
Субтитры
- 00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:10,386 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,471 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:00:12,596 --> 00:00:14,098 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:15,725 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:00:15,850 --> 00:00:16,934 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:17,059 --> 00:00:18,936 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:00:19,061 --> 00:00:20,438 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:00:20,563 --> 00:00:22,231 ♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪
- 00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:23,733 ♪ Headin' on up to South Park ♪
- 00:00:23,858 --> 00:00:25,276 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:00:28,988 --> 00:00:30,406 ♪ Come on down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:31,824 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:00:35,161 --> 00:00:36,746 So we meet again, Jennifer Lopez.
- 00:00:36,871 --> 00:00:38,414 "No, no, please!
- 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,458 This time I swear I won't make any more albums or movies."
- 00:00:40,583 --> 00:00:42,168 That's what you said last time,
- 00:00:42,293 --> 00:00:45,796 but obviously we must now resort to more drastic measures.
- 00:00:45,921 --> 00:00:47,840 "Oh God, it burns! It burns!"
- 00:00:47,965 --> 00:00:48,924 Scream for me, bitch!
- 00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:51,427 "Aah!"
- 00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:53,012 - Whoa! Awesome! - Hey, guys.
- 00:00:53,137 --> 00:00:54,513 You guys, come here! You got to check this out!
- 00:00:54,638 --> 00:00:56,057 Oh no, what now?
- 00:00:56,182 --> 00:00:57,224 No, you guys, this is really cool.
- 00:00:57,349 --> 00:00:59,935 Come on!
- 00:01:00,061 --> 00:01:01,103 What's this all about, Kenny?
- 00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:03,898 Watch this. It's so funny.
- 00:01:04,023 --> 00:01:05,858 Come here, Garden, come on.
- 00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:11,280 Red Rocket, Red Rocket!
- 00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,032 Red Rocket, Red Rocket, heh-heh!
- 00:01:13,157 --> 00:01:14,700 Come on!
- 00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:16,077 Cartman, what the hell are you doing?
- 00:01:16,202 --> 00:01:17,828 I'm milking the dog. They make dog milk.
- 00:01:17,953 --> 00:01:18,954 No, they don't. - Yeah, they do!
- 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:20,206 Yeah, just hold on a minute.
- 00:01:20,331 --> 00:01:21,791 The 5th graders showed us how to do it.
- 00:01:21,916 --> 00:01:23,042 Red Rocket, come on, dog, Red Rocket.
- 00:01:23,167 --> 00:01:24,251 Oh, hoo!
- 00:01:24,376 --> 00:01:25,336 Whoa, cool! - That's awesome!
- 00:01:25,461 --> 00:01:26,796 I told you guys.
- 00:01:26,921 --> 00:01:28,964 I had no idea dogs made milk. Do it again.
- 00:01:29,090 --> 00:01:31,717 Dumb ass, you can only milk a dog once every few hours.
- 00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:33,385 It doesn't work if you beat off a dog again right away.
- 00:01:33,511 --> 00:01:35,304 You "beat off"?
- 00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:36,263 That's what it's called when you milk a dog,
- 00:01:36,388 --> 00:01:37,807 beating it off.
- 00:01:37,932 --> 00:01:39,225 Don't you guys know anything?
- 00:01:39,350 --> 00:01:40,309 Wow, you learned all this from the 5th graders?
- 00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:41,727 Yeah, I guess they thought we were cool,
- 00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:42,895 so they showed us how to do it.
- 00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:44,146 Hey, come here, dog. Dog, come here.
- 00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:46,148 Heh-heh-heh.
- 00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:47,983 I was really happy with this month's book.
- 00:01:48,109 --> 00:01:49,401 I agree with what Bob and Linda said--
- 00:01:49,527 --> 00:01:50,402 Mom, Dad, you got to see this!
- 00:01:50,528 --> 00:01:52,321 not now, Stanley.
- 00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,073 This is mommy and daddy's Book Club night, remember?
- 00:01:54,198 --> 00:01:55,157 But it's super cool!
- 00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:56,826 Later, sweetie.
- 00:01:56,951 --> 00:01:59,829 Anyway, I found myself enticed by Steinbeck's imagery.
- 00:01:59,954 --> 00:02:02,123 The first chapter alone was filled with poetry.
- 00:02:02,248 --> 00:02:03,165 Oh, wasn't it?
- 00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:04,333 I mean, the first sentence...
- 00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:05,793 Red Rocket, Red Rocket!
- 00:02:05,918 --> 00:02:07,169 "Cannery Row in Monterey in California
- 00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:10,005 is a poem, a stint, a grating noise."
- 00:02:10,131 --> 00:02:12,133 It's amazing how, with three images,
- 00:02:12,258 --> 00:02:14,468 he puts you right there and...
- 00:02:14,593 --> 00:02:15,469 Red Rocket, Red Rocket!
- 00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:17,012 Ahh!
- 00:02:17,138 --> 00:02:18,222 Stanley, what the hell are you doing?
- 00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:19,223 I'm beating off the dog.
- 00:02:19,348 --> 00:02:20,933 Red Rocket, Red Rocket!
- 00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:23,269 Stanley, you go to your room right now!
- 00:02:23,394 --> 00:02:24,270 My room, why?
- 00:02:24,395 --> 00:02:25,437 Go, Stanley!
- 00:02:30,818 --> 00:02:33,279 He gets very good grades.
- 00:02:34,989 --> 00:02:36,323 Stanley, do you know why
- 00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:38,033 you're being grounded for ten months?
- 00:02:38,159 --> 00:02:39,326 No!
- 00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:40,744 Beating off the dog is not appropriate
- 00:02:40,870 --> 00:02:41,745 when we have company.
- 00:02:41,871 --> 00:02:43,038 I mean...ever!
- 00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:44,915 Beating off the dog is not appropriate ever.
- 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,375 Why? What's the big deal?
- 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:49,044 Stanley, don't you understand what you were doing?
- 00:02:49,170 --> 00:02:51,005 I was doing red rocket to make the dog's milk come out.
- 00:02:51,130 --> 00:02:54,133 No, Stan, what you're doing to the dog was...sexual.
- 00:02:54,258 --> 00:02:55,801 Huh?
- 00:02:55,926 --> 00:02:57,219 You were stimulating the dog, Stanley.
- 00:02:57,344 --> 00:02:59,513 What came out of him was his...
- 00:02:59,638 --> 00:03:01,223 Randy?
- 00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:04,810 Well, you know, when you do that to a male...
- 00:03:04,935 --> 00:03:07,438 You make his... stuff come out.
- 00:03:09,148 --> 00:03:10,274 Well, Jesus. Haven't they taught you
- 00:03:10,399 --> 00:03:11,859 these things in school?
- 00:03:11,984 --> 00:03:13,402 What things? - Sexual Education.
- 00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:14,945 Haven't you learned that yet?
- 00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:16,071 No!
- 00:03:16,197 --> 00:03:18,240 Oh, well, you see, Stanley--
- 00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:20,159 Well, your school should be teaching this stuff.
- 00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:22,161 Yeah, let's get that damn school on the phone.
- 00:03:26,582 --> 00:03:29,335 Okay, parents, I know a lot of you want a chance to speak,
- 00:03:29,460 --> 00:03:31,295 but we have to talk one at a time.
- 00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:33,255 Look, our kids are learning sexual things
- 00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:34,924 on the streets and on television.
- 00:03:35,049 --> 00:03:36,425 There's no way we can stop it.
- 00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,344 The schools have to teach them sexual education
- 00:03:38,469 --> 00:03:39,929 at a younger age.
- 00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:42,264 School policy has been to teach sexual education later,
- 00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:43,849 in the 6th grade.
- 00:03:43,974 --> 00:03:44,892 it isn't soon enough.
- 00:03:45,017 --> 00:03:47,019 Yeah, why, just this afternoon,
- 00:03:47,144 --> 00:03:50,272 our son was caught beating off our dog.
- 00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,399 Look, parents, do you really want your children
- 00:03:52,524 --> 00:03:54,109 learning about sex?
- 00:03:54,235 --> 00:03:56,362 Part of the fun of being a kid is being naive.
- 00:03:56,487 --> 00:03:58,030 Let them be kids for a while.
- 00:03:58,155 --> 00:03:59,823 Naive at what cost, Chef?
- 00:03:59,949 --> 00:04:01,408 Parents, we have to face facts.
- 00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:04,203 Children in America are having sex at younger and younger ages.
- 00:04:04,328 --> 00:04:06,872 STDs are affecting younger and younger kids all the time.
- 00:04:06,997 --> 00:04:08,874 The only way we can combat that
- 00:04:08,999 --> 00:04:11,794 is by educating children before they have sex.
- 00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,921 The first thing that kids learn about sex
- 00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:16,966 shouldn't be some big scare tactic about STDs.
- 00:04:17,091 --> 00:04:18,384 No, she's right.
- 00:04:18,509 --> 00:04:20,344 With all the teen pregnancies that are out today,
- 00:04:20,469 --> 00:04:23,681 I think my boy <i>does</i> need to know about sexual education.
- 00:04:23,806 --> 00:04:25,140 From the school.
- 00:04:25,266 --> 00:04:26,350 Yeah, uh-huh. - Yeah, we have to.
- 00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:31,438 Okay, boys, this is the first day
- 00:04:31,563 --> 00:04:34,149 of Sexual Education, m'kay now.
- 00:04:34,275 --> 00:04:36,068 I know that some of you think this is very funny,
- 00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:38,487 words like "penis" and "vagina."
- 00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,949 Now, stop that, m'kay?
- 00:04:42,074 --> 00:04:43,993 We're gonna get through this by being mature and grown up.
- 00:04:44,118 --> 00:04:45,452 M'kay?
- 00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:53,877 Now, this is the male anatomy, m'kay?
- 00:04:54,003 --> 00:04:56,380 Here we see the testes and the scrotum.
- 00:04:56,505 --> 00:04:58,382 Stop that, m'kay?
- 00:04:58,507 --> 00:05:02,177 The next person that laughs is gonna get a referral.
- 00:05:02,303 --> 00:05:04,179 M'kay...
- 00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:06,682 Now, in order to have intercourse, m'kay,
- 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:11,937 the man takes his penis, and he...
- 00:05:12,062 --> 00:05:14,231 Uh, let's see.
- 00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:19,945 The man takes his penis, and he...hmm.
- 00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:22,031 Dude, haven't you ever had intercourse, Mr. Mackey?
- 00:05:22,156 --> 00:05:23,699 Well, sure I have. It's just...
- 00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,242 I was about 19 at the time.
- 00:05:25,367 --> 00:05:27,286 It's been about 21 years.
- 00:05:27,411 --> 00:05:29,163 M'kay...
- 00:05:29,288 --> 00:05:31,206 Let's see, uh...
- 00:05:31,332 --> 00:05:34,960 I'm pretty sure I took-- yeah, I took the penis, and I--
- 00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:36,962 What the hell did I do with that damn thing?
- 00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:40,382 Alright, girls,
- 00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,092 even though this may be stuff you don't want to hear,
- 00:05:42,217 --> 00:05:43,344 you need to hear it.
- 00:05:43,469 --> 00:05:44,803 Oh, we want to hear it, Miss Choksondik;
- 00:05:44,928 --> 00:05:46,013 We're excited.
- 00:05:46,138 --> 00:05:46,889 Yeah, we think it's gonna be fun.
- 00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:48,015 Yeah!
- 00:05:48,140 --> 00:05:50,017 Fun? It's going to be fun?
- 00:05:50,142 --> 00:05:52,853 Well let's start with our first lesson, then, shall we?
- 00:05:52,978 --> 00:05:55,898 Sexually transmitted diseases!
- 00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:58,317 That's right, because unless you get boys to wear condoms,
- 00:05:58,442 --> 00:06:01,111 you can and will get a sexually transmitted disease from them.
- 00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:03,238 How fun is that, hmm? Is that fun?
- 00:06:03,364 --> 00:06:05,032 I didn't mean that--
- 00:06:05,157 --> 00:06:06,867 Today over 20,000 Americans will contract a sexual disease.
- 00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:09,078 Today! 12,000 more tomorrow.
- 00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:10,954 And the reason is that you girls wake up in the morning
- 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:12,998 and say, "it's not gonna happen to me."
- 00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:14,958 You say, "oh, Miss Choksondik,
- 00:06:15,084 --> 00:06:16,877 "that happens to girls in Detroit and Brooklyn
- 00:06:17,002 --> 00:06:17,753 but not here in Colorado."
- 00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,004 Wrong!
- 00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:21,298 Gonorrhea, herpes, chlamydia, HPV, HIV,
- 00:06:21,423 --> 00:06:23,258 syphilis, hepatitis "b," hepatitis "c"--
- 00:06:23,384 --> 00:06:24,760 the list goes on and on.
- 00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:26,136 These are serious diseases!
- 00:06:26,261 --> 00:06:28,055 They have serious consequences!
- 00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:30,099 You think that sex is about fun and games and love.
- 00:06:30,224 --> 00:06:31,850 Wrong! Sex is about disease.
- 00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:34,019 Here's a little picture of herpes.
- 00:06:35,354 --> 00:06:36,438 And here's a little syphilis for ya.
- 00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:38,399 That's right, girls.
- 00:06:38,524 --> 00:06:40,776 Here's what happens when you don't get boys to use condoms.
- 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,319 Hello, there, children.
- 00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:43,695 Hey, Chef.
- 00:06:43,821 --> 00:06:45,280 How is sexual education class going?
- 00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:47,157 it's dumb; Mr. Mackey doesn't teach us nothin'.
- 00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:48,742 Yeah, I don't think ol' Mackey
- 00:06:48,867 --> 00:06:50,786 knows a hymen from a hysterectomy.
- 00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,204 And Choksondik, I'd be surprised
- 00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:54,832 if she's <i>ever</i> gotten laid in her life.
- 00:06:54,957 --> 00:06:57,167 Yeah. - Chef, what's "laid"?
- 00:06:57,292 --> 00:06:58,961 Oh, nothing.
- 00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:01,422 Now, move along, children. You're holding up the line.
- 00:07:01,547 --> 00:07:03,006 Hey, maybe we should ask the girls
- 00:07:03,132 --> 00:07:04,133 what they learned in Sex Ed.
- 00:07:04,258 --> 00:07:05,217 Yeah.
- 00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:06,135 Hey, Wendy, did you guys get--
- 00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:10,973 What the hell is wrong with them?
- 00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:12,099 You guys, we just want to know--
- 00:07:12,224 --> 00:07:13,809 Aah! - Stay away from me, Stan!
- 00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,269 Why? Are you wearing a condom?
- 00:07:15,394 --> 00:07:17,396 A what? - Aah!
- 00:07:17,521 --> 00:07:18,856 Do any of you have your condoms on?
- 00:07:18,981 --> 00:07:20,357 No.
- 00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:22,151 Don't you know that without wearing a condom,
- 00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:23,152 you could get a disease?
- 00:07:23,277 --> 00:07:24,903 Nah-ah. - Yeah-huh.
- 00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:26,321 If you don't wear a condom, you're gonna get AIDS.
- 00:07:26,447 --> 00:07:28,157 AIDS?
- 00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:29,825 Oh, jeez, I don't wanna get the AIDS, fellas.
- 00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:31,034 Is that what you learned in Sex Ed?
- 00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:32,995 Mr. Mackey didn't say nothing about that.
- 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,788 Dude, Mr. Mackey didn't know anything about anything.
- 00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:35,956 You guys have to wear condoms.
- 00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:38,167 Now, please, just-- just go away.
- 00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:39,460 We don't want your AIDS.
- 00:07:39,585 --> 00:07:40,752 But, Wendy, we don't understand how--
- 00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:45,215 Oh my God, dude.
- 00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:46,467 What are we gonna do, huh?
- 00:07:46,592 --> 00:07:47,926 Dude, we got to go get condoms quick.
- 00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:49,094 Yeah.
- 00:07:58,937 --> 00:08:00,022 Can I help you boys?
- 00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:01,440 Yeah, we need condoms.
- 00:08:01,565 --> 00:08:02,941 Condoms?
- 00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,943 Yeah, quick.
- 00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:06,528 How old are you boys?
- 00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:07,613 Why does that matter?
- 00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:09,114 I'll be nine next week.
- 00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:11,617 Sorry, kids, I'm not selling you condoms.
- 00:08:11,742 --> 00:08:13,118 Why not? You want us to get AIDS?
- 00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:15,120 I just don't think that kids your age should be--
- 00:08:15,245 --> 00:08:16,997 Mark, we have to be willing to supply condoms
- 00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:18,415 to anyone who requests them.
- 00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:20,542 But they're children!
- 00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:22,085 Would you rather them do it unprotected?
- 00:08:22,211 --> 00:08:23,837 Yeah, you want us unprotected, you asshole?
- 00:08:23,962 --> 00:08:26,089 I just think that all this Sex Ed and condom talk
- 00:08:26,215 --> 00:08:27,633 in elementary school is wrong.
- 00:08:27,758 --> 00:08:29,092 Kids are going to do what they do,
- 00:08:29,218 --> 00:08:31,094 and it's up to us to make sure they're protected.
- 00:08:31,220 --> 00:08:32,679 I'm glad this lady's on our side.
- 00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:34,097 I don't think we have any that will even fit them.
- 00:08:34,223 --> 00:08:35,807 Sure, we do.
- 00:08:35,933 --> 00:08:37,392 We just got in the new Gladiators for kids,
- 00:08:37,518 --> 00:08:38,810 Lil Mini's.
- 00:08:38,936 --> 00:08:40,729 They're specially designed for kids under 10,
- 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,481 and they're only $5.95 for a box of 50.
- 00:08:42,606 --> 00:08:43,815 50?
- 00:08:43,941 --> 00:08:45,484 Can't we just use the same one every day?
- 00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:47,110 No, you have to change it.
- 00:08:47,236 --> 00:08:48,820 Oh, jeez, we're gonna have to buy tons of these things.
- 00:08:50,781 --> 00:08:53,700 Thanks so much for letting me come over, Miss Choksondik.
- 00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:54,826 Oh, it's no problem, Mr. Mackey.
- 00:08:54,952 --> 00:08:55,994 It's probably best we come up
- 00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:57,996 with a lesson plan together anyway.
- 00:08:58,121 --> 00:09:00,040 yeah, I've already gone over most of the basics, you know,
- 00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:02,000 with the boys, but I, uh,
- 00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:04,503 just wanted to see what else you were teaching the girls
- 00:09:04,628 --> 00:09:06,088 in case I missed anything.
- 00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:07,631 We should make sure our students
- 00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:09,007 are good and scared of the consequences.
- 00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:10,968 We have to teach them that diseases are possible,
- 00:09:11,093 --> 00:09:12,511 even with just oral sex.
- 00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:15,931 Right, oral sex, which of course would be...
- 00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:18,517 using your mouth on the penis or vagina.
- 00:09:18,642 --> 00:09:21,103 Penis or vagina, right. Oral sex, m'kay.
- 00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:23,480 It's just too bad these girls are having sex so young.
- 00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:24,481 Yeah...did you?
- 00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:26,024 Did I what?
- 00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:30,112 Well, how long did you wait before you had, uh, doobers?
- 00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:33,031 Well, if you must know, I'm still somewhat of a virgin.
- 00:09:33,156 --> 00:09:35,409 But I'm not ashamed of it!
- 00:09:35,534 --> 00:09:38,161 I wasn't really sought after much in high school or college.
- 00:09:38,287 --> 00:09:41,206 I was made fun of most my life for having such large glasses.
- 00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:42,916 The only boyfriend I ever had
- 00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:45,460 was this attractive, popular boy named Steven Garret.
- 00:09:45,586 --> 00:09:48,046 I liked him very much, but I found out he was dating me
- 00:09:48,171 --> 00:09:50,048 because he had lost a bet on the Super Bowl.
- 00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:51,675 Loser had to go out with me for three days.
- 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:52,884 Oh, I'm sorry.
- 00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:54,553 People can be very cruel.
- 00:09:54,678 --> 00:09:55,929 Anyway, I know it's hard to understand.
- 00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:58,557 Actually, I understand perfectly.
- 00:09:58,682 --> 00:10:01,059 I wasn't exactly the captain of the football team either.
- 00:10:03,020 --> 00:10:04,896 And then as I got older,
- 00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:07,899 my head just sort of seemed to get bigger
- 00:10:08,025 --> 00:10:09,985 while the rest of my body stayed the same.
- 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,862 That's how I got my nickname in college.
- 00:10:11,987 --> 00:10:13,071 Your nickname?
- 00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:14,906 "That guy with the really big head."
- 00:10:15,032 --> 00:10:16,575 Right.
- 00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:19,036 Anyway, I sort of lost any confidence
- 00:10:19,161 --> 00:10:22,122 and found it impossible to ever ask a woman out.
- 00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:24,750 Wow, I've never met a man
- 00:10:24,875 --> 00:10:27,919 who was as sexually unappealing as me.
- 00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:30,714 Neither have I.
- 00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:31,965 Well, I'm quite happy without sex.
- 00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:33,967 I mean, with all the diseases and problems out there,
- 00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:34,968 who needs it, right?
- 00:10:35,093 --> 00:10:37,512 Not me. M'kay.
- 00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:38,764 Well, back to the lesson plan, then.
- 00:10:38,889 --> 00:10:42,184 Right. - Okay, oral sex.
- 00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,810 Doesn't it give any other directions?
- 00:10:43,935 --> 00:10:45,437 No, it looks like
- 00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,606 you're just supposed to roll it over your wiener.
- 00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:49,858 "If used properly, latex condoms are effective
- 00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:52,944 against pregnancy, AIDS, and other 'STDses'."
- 00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:54,613 What are "STDses"?
- 00:10:54,738 --> 00:10:56,782 How the heck should I know?
- 00:10:56,907 --> 00:10:59,201 Why, it's just a little doughnut.
- 00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:01,119 Oh, it's all gooey.
- 00:11:01,244 --> 00:11:02,579 Just put it on, Butters.
- 00:11:02,704 --> 00:11:04,456 How come I got to go first?
- 00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:06,625 Butters, will you stop... filibustering?
- 00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:08,168 Alright, then.
- 00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:12,464 Oh, it's sticky.
- 00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:14,466 It says you got to check it for holes or tears.
- 00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:16,134 I don't even understand how this thing--
- 00:11:16,259 --> 00:11:17,886 Oh, wait, oh, I see.
- 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,680 Don't look at Butters' schlong, gaymo!
- 00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:20,806 I wasn't looking at his schlong.
- 00:11:20,931 --> 00:11:22,474 I was seeing how to put the condom on!
- 00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:23,642 Sure. - But it won't stay on.
- 00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:25,018 I need a rubber band or something.
- 00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:27,521 I've got rubber bands!
- 00:11:27,646 --> 00:11:30,232 Ow, oh, ow! Okay, ow!
- 00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:32,484 There, okay, I think it's on.
- 00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:34,569 How do you feel? - Pretty good.
- 00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:36,029 Do you feel protected?
- 00:11:36,154 --> 00:11:38,156 Nothing's getting at my wiener through this thing.
- 00:11:38,281 --> 00:11:39,741 It's even got a little reservoir at the end
- 00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:40,742 so you can pee in it.
- 00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:41,910 Alright, here, everybody.
- 00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:43,578 Tweek, give everyone a rubber band.
- 00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:44,871 Hey, somebody's got to help Timmy put his condom on.
- 00:11:44,996 --> 00:11:45,706 Timmy!
- 00:11:47,708 --> 00:11:49,835 Teachers, I have some bad news.
- 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,671 Last night, I received a phone call from the local pharmacist.
- 00:11:52,796 --> 00:11:55,882 Apparently, almost all of our 4th graders are sexually active.
- 00:11:56,007 --> 00:11:57,509 And now that we've scared them a little,
- 00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,010 they're buying condoms to use.
- 00:11:59,136 --> 00:12:00,846 I knew it.
- 00:12:00,971 --> 00:12:02,848 At least we scared them enough to protect themselves.
- 00:12:02,973 --> 00:12:04,933 But now maybe you'll believe me when I say that we need to be
- 00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:07,185 teaching even younger than 4th grade.
- 00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:08,979 but how old do you think a student should be
- 00:12:09,104 --> 00:12:10,981 when they learn about proper condom use?
- 00:12:11,106 --> 00:12:12,482 Kindergarten.
- 00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:13,692 Kindergarten?
- 00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:15,026 We've got to get to the students
- 00:12:15,152 --> 00:12:17,946 before they start having...sex,
- 00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:19,865 Not after.
- 00:12:19,990 --> 00:12:21,867 Oh, now this is getting ridiculous.
- 00:12:21,992 --> 00:12:23,201 I have to agree with Miss Choksondik.
- 00:12:23,326 --> 00:12:25,871 It's our responsibility to make sure our kids are safe
- 00:12:25,996 --> 00:12:27,706 If they're gonna screw around.
- 00:12:27,831 --> 00:12:29,583 I guess we have no choice.
- 00:12:31,877 --> 00:12:34,296 Okay, children, who can tell me what a condom is?
- 00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:38,633 Yes, Jenny.
- 00:12:38,759 --> 00:12:40,969 it flies around, and it's endangered.
- 00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:43,597 That's a <i>condor,</i> Jenny, <i>condor.</i>
- 00:12:43,722 --> 00:12:47,017 Condoms are what we use to stop the spread of STDs.
- 00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:48,727 Yes, Filmore?
- 00:12:48,852 --> 00:12:49,978 Can we do finger paints?
- 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,813 No, we can't do finger paints!
- 00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,940 You kids want to get herpes, huh?
- 00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:56,485 How about a nice bucket of AIDS? Sound good?
- 00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:58,737 Now pay attention, alright?
- 00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:02,199 I'm going to show you the proper way to put on a condom.
- 00:13:02,324 --> 00:13:05,660 First of all, you remove the condom from its package.
- 00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:08,580 Then you find which way the condom rolls out.
- 00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:12,667 Put it in your mouth and apply.
- 00:13:17,005 --> 00:13:19,758 Ahhh, ahh!
- 00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:22,886 And it's as simple as that. Any questions?
- 00:13:23,011 --> 00:13:24,763 Alright, girls, yesterday we went over
- 00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:26,765 the myriad of diseases you can get from boys.
- 00:13:26,890 --> 00:13:28,058 But today we're going to talk about
- 00:13:28,183 --> 00:13:30,894 the most horrible disease they can give you of all.
- 00:13:31,019 --> 00:13:33,146 Pregnancy!
- 00:13:33,271 --> 00:13:36,525 That's right, since you girls decided to be sexually active,
- 00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:38,401 teen pregnancy is at an all-time high.
- 00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:40,779 You seem to think it's gonna be fun and neat to have a baby.
- 00:13:40,904 --> 00:13:44,115 Well, let's watch a little video, shall we?
- 00:13:44,241 --> 00:13:47,744 Strikie Smalls presents <i>The Miracle of Childbirth.</i>
- 00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:49,746 The time is drawing close for delivery.
- 00:13:49,871 --> 00:13:50,956 Here we can see the water breaking.
- 00:13:51,081 --> 00:13:52,874 Eww!
- 00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,835 Later, the contractions are happening closer together.
- 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:56,670 Mom sure is in a lot of pain.
- 00:13:56,795 --> 00:13:58,839 Now we can see the crown of the baby's head
- 00:13:58,964 --> 00:14:00,465 stretching the vaginal walls
- 00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:02,843 in ways never before thought possible by Mom.
- 00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:05,720 Finally, the miracle happens, and the baby is born.
- 00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:07,180 But Mom's not done yet.
- 00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:09,599 She's still got some afterbirth to push out of her.
- 00:14:09,724 --> 00:14:12,978 Aaah!!
- 00:14:13,103 --> 00:14:14,145 That's right.
- 00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:16,898 Girls, girls, where are you going?
- 00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:30,579 Man, this condom is driving me crazy.
- 00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:32,372 Yeah, I've changed mine three times already
- 00:14:32,497 --> 00:14:33,748 'cause it itches so much.
- 00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:35,625 Yeah, but it makes going to the bathroom easier.
- 00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:41,089 Alright, boys, I now have all the information I need
- 00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:43,758 to teach you the female anatomy, m'kay?
- 00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:47,554 M'kay, this part here is the vaginal opening.
- 00:14:47,679 --> 00:14:48,847 This is where the man puts his--
- 00:14:48,972 --> 00:14:50,015 Eric, what the hell are you doing?
- 00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:51,182 I'm putting on a new condom.
- 00:14:51,308 --> 00:14:52,309 I filled the other one up.
- 00:14:52,434 --> 00:14:53,685 Why are you wearing a condom?
- 00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:55,186 So I don't get AIDS.
- 00:14:55,312 --> 00:14:57,147 Eric, you can't get AIDS from just sitting around.
- 00:14:57,272 --> 00:14:58,607 You have to get it from sex.
- 00:14:58,732 --> 00:14:59,858 From sex? - Yes.
- 00:14:59,983 --> 00:15:01,276 You mean intercourse with a girl?
- 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:03,778 Yes! Now, will you all pay attention, please?
- 00:15:03,904 --> 00:15:05,280 The vagina and the clitoris are on...
- 00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,532 All this time, it's the girls that give <i>us</i> diseases.
- 00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:08,742 I knew it. Girls lie!
- 00:15:08,867 --> 00:15:10,869 They lie right to your face!
- 00:15:10,994 --> 00:15:13,204 Now, here we can see the interior female anatomy.
- 00:15:13,330 --> 00:15:14,706 Well, that does it.
- 00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:15,707 If us boys are going to live,
- 00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:17,709 we have to get rid of the girls.
- 00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:19,210 Yeah, come on, guys. This is war.
- 00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:20,879 Yeah. - Come on!
- 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:30,096 And here we see the tender, magical uterus.
- 00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:32,933 Here we see the enticing, voluptuous
- 00:15:33,058 --> 00:15:35,936 fallopian tubes, m'kay?
- 00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:37,812 Okay, children, now I want to review
- 00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:40,023 the different sexual positions.
- 00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:42,734 Who can tell me which sexual positions we talked about?
- 00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:44,736 Missionary position?
- 00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:46,196 Missionary position, good.
- 00:15:46,321 --> 00:15:47,572 A little boring but tried and true.
- 00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:48,573 What else?
- 00:15:48,698 --> 00:15:50,116 Doggie?
- 00:15:50,241 --> 00:15:52,202 That's right, Doggie Style we went over, mm-hmm.
- 00:15:52,327 --> 00:15:54,162 Pile driver?
- 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:56,247 Uh-huh, Pile Driver position. Good, Quake.
- 00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:58,959 The Filthy Sanchez?
- 00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:01,252 Yes, good, Flora, you remembered the Filthy Sanchez.
- 00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:03,213 Hot Karl?
- 00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:06,174 Yes, you can give your partner the old Hot Karl, sure.
- 00:16:12,097 --> 00:16:13,765 There, you see?
- 00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:16,935 The girls have built some kind of stronghold to keep us out.
- 00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:18,103 Stay away from us, bastards!
- 00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:19,980 We don't want to get pregnant!
- 00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:22,691 Yeah, just take your diseases and go away forever.
- 00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:24,526 Ha! They're your diseases.
- 00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,236 Yeah! You get out of town.
- 00:16:26,361 --> 00:16:27,737 Here, talk to them, Butters.
- 00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:29,698 Me? What the heck am I supposed to say?
- 00:16:29,823 --> 00:16:31,533 Just tell them if they leave town peacefully,
- 00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:34,619 we won't have to resort to violence.
- 00:16:34,744 --> 00:16:36,079 Just walk away.
- 00:16:36,204 --> 00:16:38,707 You can put a stop to all this.
- 00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:42,085 Just walk away, and we will spare your lives.
- 00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:43,795 Just walk away.
- 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,088 He's pretty good.
- 00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:47,048 We'll never walk away! Never!
- 00:16:53,138 --> 00:16:54,597 Oh, bitch!
- 00:16:54,723 --> 00:16:56,182 That does it! Attack!
- 00:16:58,101 --> 00:17:01,229 M'kay, so apparently, the lesson plan tomorrow
- 00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:05,734 is supposed to involve secretion of bodily fluids, m'kay.
- 00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:07,235 I've already gone through that with the girls.
- 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,278 It's pretty simple.
- 00:17:08,403 --> 00:17:09,279 Do you want a drink?
- 00:17:09,404 --> 00:17:11,156 Why, sure.
- 00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:15,160 Yeah, I think I can get through that stuff pretty quick.
- 00:17:15,285 --> 00:17:18,496 Ah, maybe we should come up with another lesson plan.
- 00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:19,748 Something about how nerve endings
- 00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:21,499 play an important part in intercourse.
- 00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:22,959 Oh, right, right.
- 00:17:23,084 --> 00:17:26,796 Like... In the...nipples.
- 00:17:26,921 --> 00:17:31,009 or the... shaft of the penis.
- 00:17:31,134 --> 00:17:35,764 It says here that the, uh, head of the penis
- 00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:39,726 is actually the most sensitive part, m'kay.
- 00:17:39,851 --> 00:17:41,686 Oh, yes, the nerve endings are the most concentrated
- 00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:43,855 at the tip of the penis,
- 00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:47,317 like they are in the clitoris of the woman.
- 00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:50,904 And these are the two areas most important to...
- 00:17:51,029 --> 00:17:53,782 sexual stimulation.
- 00:17:56,367 --> 00:17:57,869 Oh, is this wrong?
- 00:17:57,994 --> 00:18:00,580 I don't know. It doesn't feel wrong.
- 00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:05,877 I've been thinking about you a lot, Miss Choksondik.
- 00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:08,046 Yeah, what do you do when you think about me?
- 00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:09,130 I go crazy.
- 00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:10,131 Do you touch yourself?
- 00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:11,216 Yeah.
- 00:18:11,341 --> 00:18:12,759 Mmm.
- 00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:46,751 Ah, m'kay.
- 00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:48,920 Oh, my gosh. Oh, God. Stop, stop!
- 00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:50,255 What's wrong?
- 00:18:50,380 --> 00:18:51,673 It's your turn.
- 00:18:53,925 --> 00:18:56,261 Oh, oh, Miss Choksondik.
- 00:18:56,386 --> 00:18:58,638 M'kay, m'kay!
- 00:18:58,763 --> 00:18:59,848 Do you want me? - I do.
- 00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:03,184 Tell me. - I want you, m'kay.
- 00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:04,644 Wait, wait, wait!
- 00:19:04,769 --> 00:19:06,271 Do you have a condom?
- 00:19:06,396 --> 00:19:08,731 Well, no.
- 00:19:08,857 --> 00:19:10,650 Oh, well. Fuck it.
- 00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:11,943 Oh God. Give it to me.
- 00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:14,070 Oh, yeah.
- 00:19:14,195 --> 00:19:16,781 Oh, oh, that's it, baby. That's it.
- 00:19:16,906 --> 00:19:18,658 Oh, it feels so good, m'kay.
- 00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:40,221 What the hell was that?
- 00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:41,681 Did you feel something?
- 00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:45,268 Oh no.
- 00:19:47,312 --> 00:19:49,063 Jesus Christ!
- 00:19:52,817 --> 00:19:54,652 Ooh, Butters, you're in big trouble now.
- 00:19:59,782 --> 00:20:01,409 Well, I don't know what got into you kids.
- 00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:02,911 You should be ashamed of yourselves.
- 00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:04,871 We just didn't want the girls giving us diseases.
- 00:20:04,996 --> 00:20:06,581 I'm afraid this is all my fault.
- 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,875 I think I went a little overboard scaring the girls.
- 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,419 I forgot to tell them that to get diseases from boys,
- 00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:13,338 you have to have sex with them first.
- 00:20:13,463 --> 00:20:14,339 Oh.
- 00:20:14,464 --> 00:20:15,590 Well, I hate to say it,
- 00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,759 but you all got what you deserve.
- 00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,427 Huh?
- 00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:21,095 Look, schools are teaching condom use
- 00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:22,972 to younger and younger students each day.
- 00:20:23,097 --> 00:20:24,807 But sex isn't something that should be taught
- 00:20:24,933 --> 00:20:26,517 in textbooks and diagrams.
- 00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:29,354 Sex is emotional and spiritual.
- 00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:30,647 It needs to be taught by family.
- 00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:32,690 I know it can be hard, parents,
- 00:20:32,815 --> 00:20:35,401 but if you leave it up to the schools to teach sex to kids,
- 00:20:35,526 --> 00:20:36,945 you don't know who they're learning it from.
- 00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:39,322 It could be someone who doesn't know,
- 00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:41,282 someone who has a bad opinion of it,
- 00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:43,451 or even a complete pervert.
- 00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,703 What? Why did you pan to me just now?
- 00:20:45,828 --> 00:20:47,288 What the hell's that supposed to mean?
- 00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:48,706 He's right, I never knew
- 00:20:48,831 --> 00:20:52,919 how special and personal sex was until just recently.
- 00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:54,462 This whole mess started
- 00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:55,922 because we couldn't talk to our boy ourselves.
- 00:20:56,047 --> 00:20:58,383 It's easier to just leave it up to the school,
- 00:20:58,508 --> 00:21:00,385 but it's just not a school subject.
- 00:21:00,510 --> 00:21:02,303 Then it's decided; no more condom classes in grade school.
- 00:21:02,428 --> 00:21:03,972 Hooray!
- 00:21:04,097 --> 00:21:06,641 But, Chef, when is the right age for us to start having sex?
- 00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:08,351 It's very simple, children.
- 00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:11,062 The right time to start having sex is...
- 00:21:11,187 --> 00:21:12,355 17.
- 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,482 17? 17.
- 00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,401 So you mean 17, as long as you're in love?
- 00:21:16,526 --> 00:21:17,902 Nope, just 17.
- 00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:19,904 But what if you're not ready at 17?
- 00:21:20,029 --> 00:21:22,031 17, you're ready.
- 00:21:22,156 --> 00:21:23,700 Well, I guess we got a while to wait
- 00:21:23,825 --> 00:21:25,493 before we worry about sex and diseases, huh, Wendy?
- 00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:26,869 Yeah, thank God.
- 00:21:26,995 --> 00:21:28,496 Well, I guess now that that's out of the way,
- 00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:29,414 we can get on with our lives.
- 00:21:29,539 --> 00:21:30,915 Come here, boy.
- 00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:32,709 That's it, Red Rocket, Red Rocket, come on, yeah.
- 00:21:32,834 --> 00:21:33,710 Come on, Red Rocket, dog.
- 00:21:33,835 --> 00:21:34,919 Red Rocket now.
- 00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:39,465 Okay, children, so what other sexual positions
- 00:21:39,590 --> 00:21:40,925 did we talk about?
- 00:21:41,050 --> 00:21:44,345 Yeah, the Wrap-around Butt Grab. Sure, can't forget that.
- 00:21:44,470 --> 00:21:46,431 Uh-huh, Reverse Cowgirl. Good, Kevin.
- 00:21:46,556 --> 00:21:48,850 Hot Lunch? Yeah, she likes that.
- 00:21:48,975 --> 00:21:51,269 Donkey Punch, uh-huh.
- 00:21:51,394 --> 00:21:53,688 Glass Bottom Boat. Good one, yes.
- 00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:56,024 Fish Eye, good, Jenny.
- 00:21:56,149 --> 00:21:58,568 Chili Dog, mm-hmm.
- 00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:10,386 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,471 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:00:12,596 --> 00:00:14,098 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:15,725 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:00:15,850 --> 00:00:16,934 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:17,059 --> 00:00:18,936 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:00:19,061 --> 00:00:20,438 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:00:20,563 --> 00:00:22,231 ♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪
- 00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:23,733 ♪ Headin' on up to South Park ♪
- 00:00:23,858 --> 00:00:25,276 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:00:25,401 --> 00:00:28,863 ♪ [muffled] ♪
- 00:00:28,988 --> 00:00:30,406 ♪ Come on down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:31,824 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:00:35,161 --> 00:00:36,746 So we meet again, Jennifer Lopez.
- 00:00:36,871 --> 00:00:38,414 "No, no, please!
- 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,458 This time I swear I won't make any more albums or movies."
- 00:00:40,583 --> 00:00:42,168 That's what you said last time,
- 00:00:42,293 --> 00:00:45,796 but obviously we must now resort to more drastic measures.
- 00:00:45,921 --> 00:00:47,840 "Oh God, it burns! It burns!"
- 00:00:47,965 --> 00:00:48,924 Scream for me, bitch!
- 00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:51,427 "Aah!"
- 00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:53,012 Both: Whoa! Awesome! - Hey, guys.
- 00:00:53,137 --> 00:00:54,513 You guys, come here! You got to check this out!
- 00:00:54,638 --> 00:00:56,057 Oh no, what now?
- 00:00:56,182 --> 00:00:57,224 No, you guys, this is really cool.
- 00:00:57,349 --> 00:00:59,935 Come on!
- 00:01:00,061 --> 00:01:01,103 What's this all about, Kenny?
- 00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:02,438 [muffled]
- 00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:03,898 Watch this. It's so funny.
- 00:01:04,023 --> 00:01:05,858 Come here, Garden, come on.
- 00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:11,280 Red Rocket, Red Rocket!
- 00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,032 Red Rocket, Red Rocket, heh-heh!
- 00:01:13,157 --> 00:01:14,700 Come on!
- 00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:16,077 Cartman, what the hell are you doing?
- 00:01:16,202 --> 00:01:17,828 I'm milking the dog. They make dog milk.
- 00:01:17,953 --> 00:01:18,954 No, they don't. - Yeah, they do!
- 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:20,206 Yeah, just hold on a minute.
- 00:01:20,331 --> 00:01:21,791 The 5th graders showed us how to do it.
- 00:01:21,916 --> 00:01:23,042 Red Rocket, come on, dog, Red Rocket.
- 00:01:23,167 --> 00:01:24,251 Oh, hoo!
- 00:01:24,376 --> 00:01:25,336 Whoa, cool! - That's awesome!
- 00:01:25,461 --> 00:01:26,796 I told you guys.
- 00:01:26,921 --> 00:01:28,964 I had no idea dogs made milk. Do it again.
- 00:01:29,090 --> 00:01:31,717 Dumb ass, you can only milk a dog once every few hours.
- 00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:33,385 It doesn't work if you beat off a dog again right away.
- 00:01:33,511 --> 00:01:35,304 You "beat off"?
- 00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:36,263 That's what it's called when you milk a dog,
- 00:01:36,388 --> 00:01:37,807 beating it off.
- 00:01:37,932 --> 00:01:39,225 Don't you guys know anything?
- 00:01:39,350 --> 00:01:40,309 Wow, you learned all this from the 5th graders?
- 00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:41,727 Yeah, I guess they thought we were cool,
- 00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:42,895 so they showed us how to do it.
- 00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:44,146 Hey, come here, dog. Dog, come here.
- 00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:46,148 Heh-heh-heh.
- 00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:47,983 I was really happy with this month's book.
- 00:01:48,109 --> 00:01:49,401 I agree with what Bob and Linda said--
- 00:01:49,527 --> 00:01:50,402 Mom, Dad, you got to see this!
- 00:01:50,528 --> 00:01:52,321 not now, Stanley.
- 00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,073 This is mommy and daddy's Book Club night, remember?
- 00:01:54,198 --> 00:01:55,157 But it's super cool!
- 00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:56,826 Later, sweetie.
- 00:01:56,951 --> 00:01:59,829 Anyway, I found myself enticed by Steinbeck's imagery.
- 00:01:59,954 --> 00:02:02,123 The first chapter alone was filled with poetry.
- 00:02:02,248 --> 00:02:03,165 Oh, wasn't it?
- 00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:04,333 I mean, the first sentence...
- 00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:05,793 Red Rocket, Red Rocket!
- 00:02:05,918 --> 00:02:07,169 "Cannery Row in Monterey in California
- 00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:10,005 is a poem, a stint, a grating noise."
- 00:02:10,131 --> 00:02:12,133 It's amazing how, with three images,
- 00:02:12,258 --> 00:02:14,468 he puts you right there and...
- 00:02:14,593 --> 00:02:15,469 Red Rocket, Red Rocket!
- 00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:17,012 Ahh!
- 00:02:17,138 --> 00:02:18,222 Stanley, what the hell are you doing?
- 00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:19,223 I'm beating off the dog.
- 00:02:19,348 --> 00:02:20,933 Red Rocket, Red Rocket!
- 00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:23,269 Stanley, you go to your room right now!
- 00:02:23,394 --> 00:02:24,270 My room, why?
- 00:02:24,395 --> 00:02:25,437 Go, Stanley!
- 00:02:25,563 --> 00:02:29,441 [dog panting]
- 00:02:29,567 --> 00:02:30,693 [laughs nervously]
- 00:02:30,818 --> 00:02:33,279 He gets very good grades.
- 00:02:34,989 --> 00:02:36,323 Stanley, do you know why
- 00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:38,033 you're being grounded for ten months?
- 00:02:38,159 --> 00:02:39,326 No!
- 00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:40,744 Beating off the dog is not appropriate
- 00:02:40,870 --> 00:02:41,745 when we have company.
- 00:02:41,871 --> 00:02:43,038 I mean...ever!
- 00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:44,915 Beating off the dog is not appropriate ever.
- 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,375 Why? What's the big deal?
- 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:49,044 Stanley, don't you understand what you were doing?
- 00:02:49,170 --> 00:02:51,005 I was doing red rocket to make the dog's milk come out.
- 00:02:51,130 --> 00:02:54,133 No, Stan, what you're doing to the dog was...sexual.
- 00:02:54,258 --> 00:02:55,801 Huh?
- 00:02:55,926 --> 00:02:57,219 You were stimulating the dog, Stanley.
- 00:02:57,344 --> 00:02:59,513 What came out of him was his...
- 00:02:59,638 --> 00:03:01,223 Randy?
- 00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:04,810 Well, you know, when you do that to a male...
- 00:03:04,935 --> 00:03:07,438 You make his... stuff come out.
- 00:03:09,148 --> 00:03:10,274 Well, Jesus. Haven't they taught you
- 00:03:10,399 --> 00:03:11,859 these things in school?
- 00:03:11,984 --> 00:03:13,402 What things? - Sexual Education.
- 00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:14,945 Haven't you learned that yet?
- 00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:16,071 No!
- 00:03:16,197 --> 00:03:18,240 Oh, well, you see, Stanley--
- 00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:20,159 Well, your school should be teaching this stuff.
- 00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:22,161 Yeah, let's get that damn school on the phone.
- 00:03:26,582 --> 00:03:29,335 Okay, parents, I know a lot of you want a chance to speak,
- 00:03:29,460 --> 00:03:31,295 but we have to talk one at a time.
- 00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:33,255 Look, our kids are learning sexual things
- 00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:34,924 on the streets and on television.
- 00:03:35,049 --> 00:03:36,425 There's no way we can stop it.
- 00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,344 The schools have to teach them sexual education
- 00:03:38,469 --> 00:03:39,929 at a younger age.
- 00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:42,264 School policy has been to teach sexual education later,
- 00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:43,849 in the 6th grade.
- 00:03:43,974 --> 00:03:44,892 it isn't soon enough.
- 00:03:45,017 --> 00:03:47,019 Yeah, why, just this afternoon,
- 00:03:47,144 --> 00:03:50,272 our son was caught beating off our dog.
- 00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,399 Look, parents, do you really want your children
- 00:03:52,524 --> 00:03:54,109 learning about sex?
- 00:03:54,235 --> 00:03:56,362 Part of the fun of being a kid is being naive.
- 00:03:56,487 --> 00:03:58,030 Let them be kids for a while.
- 00:03:58,155 --> 00:03:59,823 Naive at what cost, Chef?
- 00:03:59,949 --> 00:04:01,408 Parents, we have to face facts.
- 00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:04,203 Children in America are having sex at younger and younger ages.
- 00:04:04,328 --> 00:04:06,872 STDs are affecting younger and younger kids all the time.
- 00:04:06,997 --> 00:04:08,874 The only way we can combat that
- 00:04:08,999 --> 00:04:11,794 is by educating children before they have sex.
- 00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,921 The first thing that kids learn about sex
- 00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:16,966 shouldn't be some big scare tactic about STDs.
- 00:04:17,091 --> 00:04:18,384 No, she's right.
- 00:04:18,509 --> 00:04:20,344 With all the teen pregnancies that are out today,
- 00:04:20,469 --> 00:04:23,681 I think my boy <i>does</i> need to know about sexual education.
- 00:04:23,806 --> 00:04:25,140 From the school.
- 00:04:25,266 --> 00:04:26,350 Yeah, uh-huh. - Yeah, we have to.
- 00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:31,438 Okay, boys, this is the first day
- 00:04:31,563 --> 00:04:34,149 of Sexual Education, m'kay now.
- 00:04:34,275 --> 00:04:36,068 I know that some of you think this is very funny,
- 00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:38,487 words like "penis" and "vagina."
- 00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:39,905 [snickering]
- 00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,949 Now, stop that, m'kay?
- 00:04:42,074 --> 00:04:43,993 We're gonna get through this by being mature and grown up.
- 00:04:44,118 --> 00:04:45,452 M'kay?
- 00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:53,877 Now, this is the male anatomy, m'kay?
- 00:04:54,003 --> 00:04:56,380 Here we see the testes and the scrotum.
- 00:04:56,505 --> 00:04:58,382 [snickering] Stop that, m'kay?
- 00:04:58,507 --> 00:05:02,177 The next person that laughs is gonna get a referral.
- 00:05:02,303 --> 00:05:04,179 M'kay...
- 00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:06,682 Now, in order to have intercourse, m'kay,
- 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:11,937 the man takes his penis, and he...
- 00:05:12,062 --> 00:05:14,231 Uh, let's see.
- 00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:19,945 The man takes his penis, and he...hmm.
- 00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:22,031 Dude, haven't you ever had intercourse, Mr. Mackey?
- 00:05:22,156 --> 00:05:23,699 Well, sure I have. It's just...
- 00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,242 I was about 19 at the time.
- 00:05:25,367 --> 00:05:27,286 It's been about 21 years.
- 00:05:27,411 --> 00:05:29,163 M'kay...
- 00:05:29,288 --> 00:05:31,206 Let's see, uh...
- 00:05:31,332 --> 00:05:34,960 I'm pretty sure I took-- yeah, I took the penis, and I--
- 00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:36,962 What the hell did I do with that damn thing?
- 00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:40,382 Alright, girls,
- 00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,092 even though this may be stuff you don't want to hear,
- 00:05:42,217 --> 00:05:43,344 you need to hear it.
- 00:05:43,469 --> 00:05:44,803 Oh, we want to hear it, Miss Choksondik;
- 00:05:44,928 --> 00:05:46,013 We're excited.
- 00:05:46,138 --> 00:05:46,889 Yeah, we think it's gonna be fun.
- 00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:48,015 All: Yeah!
- 00:05:48,140 --> 00:05:50,017 Fun? It's going to be fun?
- 00:05:50,142 --> 00:05:52,853 Well let's start with our first lesson, then, shall we?
- 00:05:52,978 --> 00:05:55,898 Sexually transmitted diseases!
- 00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:58,317 That's right, because unless you get boys to wear condoms,
- 00:05:58,442 --> 00:06:01,111 you can and will get a sexually transmitted disease from them.
- 00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:03,238 How fun is that, hmm? Is that fun?
- 00:06:03,364 --> 00:06:05,032 I didn't mean that--
- 00:06:05,157 --> 00:06:06,867 Today over 20,000 Americans will contract a sexual disease.
- 00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:09,078 Today! 12,000 more tomorrow.
- 00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:10,954 And the reason is that you girls wake up in the morning
- 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:12,998 and say, "it's not gonna happen to me."
- 00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:14,958 You say, "oh, Miss Choksondik,
- 00:06:15,084 --> 00:06:16,877 "that happens to girls in Detroit and Brooklyn
- 00:06:17,002 --> 00:06:17,753 but not here in Colorado."
- 00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,004 Wrong!
- 00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:21,298 Gonorrhea, herpes, chlamydia, HPV, HIV,
- 00:06:21,423 --> 00:06:23,258 syphilis, hepatitis "b," hepatitis "c"--
- 00:06:23,384 --> 00:06:24,760 the list goes on and on.
- 00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:26,136 These are serious diseases!
- 00:06:26,261 --> 00:06:28,055 They have serious consequences!
- 00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:30,099 You think that sex is about fun and games and love.
- 00:06:30,224 --> 00:06:31,850 Wrong! Sex is about disease.
- 00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:34,019 Here's a little picture of herpes.
- 00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:35,229 [all scream]
- 00:06:35,354 --> 00:06:36,438 And here's a little syphilis for ya.
- 00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:38,399 [all scream] That's right, girls.
- 00:06:38,524 --> 00:06:40,776 Here's what happens when you don't get boys to use condoms.
- 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,319 Hello, there, children.
- 00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:43,695 All: Hey, Chef.
- 00:06:43,821 --> 00:06:45,280 How is sexual education class going?
- 00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:47,157 it's dumb; Mr. Mackey doesn't teach us nothin'.
- 00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:48,742 Yeah, I don't think ol' Mackey
- 00:06:48,867 --> 00:06:50,786 knows a hymen from a hysterectomy.
- 00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,204 And Choksondik, I'd be surprised
- 00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:54,832 if she's <i>ever</i> gotten laid in her life.
- 00:06:54,957 --> 00:06:57,167 Yeah. - Chef, what's "laid"?
- 00:06:57,292 --> 00:06:58,961 Oh, nothing.
- 00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:01,422 Now, move along, children. You're holding up the line.
- 00:07:01,547 --> 00:07:03,006 Hey, maybe we should ask the girls
- 00:07:03,132 --> 00:07:04,133 what they learned in Sex Ed.
- 00:07:04,258 --> 00:07:05,217 Yeah.
- 00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:06,135 Hey, Wendy, did you guys get--
- 00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:08,053 [all scream]
- 00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:10,973 What the hell is wrong with them?
- 00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:12,099 You guys, we just want to know--
- 00:07:12,224 --> 00:07:13,809 Aah! - Stay away from me, Stan!
- 00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,269 Why? Are you wearing a condom?
- 00:07:15,394 --> 00:07:17,396 A what? - Aah!
- 00:07:17,521 --> 00:07:18,856 Do any of you have your condoms on?
- 00:07:18,981 --> 00:07:20,357 No. [all scream]
- 00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:22,151 Don't you know that without wearing a condom,
- 00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:23,152 you could get a disease?
- 00:07:23,277 --> 00:07:24,903 Nah-ah. - Yeah-huh.
- 00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:26,321 If you don't wear a condom, you're gonna get AIDS.
- 00:07:26,447 --> 00:07:28,157 AIDS?
- 00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:29,825 Oh, jeez, I don't wanna get the AIDS, fellas.
- 00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:31,034 Is that what you learned in Sex Ed?
- 00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:32,995 Mr. Mackey didn't say nothing about that.
- 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,788 Dude, Mr. Mackey didn't know anything about anything.
- 00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:35,956 You guys have to wear condoms.
- 00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:38,167 Now, please, just-- just go away.
- 00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:39,460 We don't want your AIDS.
- 00:07:39,585 --> 00:07:40,752 But, Wendy, we don't understand how--
- 00:07:40,878 --> 00:07:44,089 [girls screaming]
- 00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:45,215 Oh my God, dude.
- 00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:46,467 What are we gonna do, huh?
- 00:07:46,592 --> 00:07:47,926 Dude, we got to go get condoms quick.
- 00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:49,094 All: Yeah.
- 00:07:58,937 --> 00:08:00,022 Can I help you boys?
- 00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:01,440 Yeah, we need condoms.
- 00:08:01,565 --> 00:08:02,941 Condoms?
- 00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,943 Yeah, quick.
- 00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:06,528 How old are you boys?
- 00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:07,613 Why does that matter?
- 00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:09,114 I'll be nine next week.
- 00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:11,617 Sorry, kids, I'm not selling you condoms.
- 00:08:11,742 --> 00:08:13,118 Why not? You want us to get AIDS?
- 00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:15,120 I just don't think that kids your age should be--
- 00:08:15,245 --> 00:08:16,997 Mark, we have to be willing to supply condoms
- 00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:18,415 to anyone who requests them.
- 00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:20,542 But they're children!
- 00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:22,085 Would you rather them do it unprotected?
- 00:08:22,211 --> 00:08:23,837 Yeah, you want us unprotected, you asshole?
- 00:08:23,962 --> 00:08:26,089 I just think that all this Sex Ed and condom talk
- 00:08:26,215 --> 00:08:27,633 in elementary school is wrong.
- 00:08:27,758 --> 00:08:29,092 Kids are going to do what they do,
- 00:08:29,218 --> 00:08:31,094 and it's up to us to make sure they're protected.
- 00:08:31,220 --> 00:08:32,679 I'm glad this lady's on our side.
- 00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:34,097 I don't think we have any that will even fit them.
- 00:08:34,223 --> 00:08:35,807 Sure, we do.
- 00:08:35,933 --> 00:08:37,392 We just got in the new Gladiators for kids,
- 00:08:37,518 --> 00:08:38,810 Lil Mini's.
- 00:08:38,936 --> 00:08:40,729 They're specially designed for kids under 10,
- 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,481 and they're only $5.95 for a box of 50.
- 00:08:42,606 --> 00:08:43,815 50?
- 00:08:43,941 --> 00:08:45,484 Can't we just use the same one every day?
- 00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:47,110 No, you have to change it.
- 00:08:47,236 --> 00:08:48,820 Oh, jeez, we're gonna have to buy tons of these things.
- 00:08:50,781 --> 00:08:53,700 Thanks so much for letting me come over, Miss Choksondik.
- 00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:54,826 Oh, it's no problem, Mr. Mackey.
- 00:08:54,952 --> 00:08:55,994 It's probably best we come up
- 00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:57,996 with a lesson plan together anyway.
- 00:08:58,121 --> 00:09:00,040 yeah, I've already gone over most of the basics, you know,
- 00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:02,000 with the boys, but I, uh,
- 00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:04,503 just wanted to see what else you were teaching the girls
- 00:09:04,628 --> 00:09:06,088 in case I missed anything.
- 00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:07,631 We should make sure our students
- 00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:09,007 are good and scared of the consequences.
- 00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:10,968 We have to teach them that diseases are possible,
- 00:09:11,093 --> 00:09:12,511 even with just oral sex.
- 00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:15,931 Right, oral sex, which of course would be...
- 00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:18,517 using your mouth on the penis or vagina.
- 00:09:18,642 --> 00:09:21,103 Penis or vagina, right. Oral sex, m'kay.
- 00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:23,480 It's just too bad these girls are having sex so young.
- 00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:24,481 Yeah...did you?
- 00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:26,024 Did I what?
- 00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:30,112 Well, how long did you wait before you had, uh, doobers?
- 00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:33,031 Well, if you must know, I'm still somewhat of a virgin.
- 00:09:33,156 --> 00:09:35,409 But I'm not ashamed of it!
- 00:09:35,534 --> 00:09:38,161 I wasn't really sought after much in high school or college.
- 00:09:38,287 --> 00:09:41,206 I was made fun of most my life for having such large glasses.
- 00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:42,916 The only boyfriend I ever had
- 00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:45,460 was this attractive, popular boy named Steven Garret.
- 00:09:45,586 --> 00:09:48,046 I liked him very much, but I found out he was dating me
- 00:09:48,171 --> 00:09:50,048 because he had lost a bet on the Super Bowl.
- 00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:51,675 Loser had to go out with me for three days.
- 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:52,884 Oh, I'm sorry.
- 00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:54,553 People can be very cruel.
- 00:09:54,678 --> 00:09:55,929 Anyway, I know it's hard to understand.
- 00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:58,557 Actually, I understand perfectly.
- 00:09:58,682 --> 00:10:01,059 I wasn't exactly the captain of the football team either.
- 00:10:01,184 --> 00:10:02,894 [chortles]
- 00:10:03,020 --> 00:10:04,896 And then as I got older,
- 00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:07,899 my head just sort of seemed to get bigger
- 00:10:08,025 --> 00:10:09,985 while the rest of my body stayed the same.
- 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,862 That's how I got my nickname in college.
- 00:10:11,987 --> 00:10:13,071 Your nickname?
- 00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:14,906 "That guy with the really big head."
- 00:10:15,032 --> 00:10:16,575 Right.
- 00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:19,036 Anyway, I sort of lost any confidence
- 00:10:19,161 --> 00:10:22,122 and found it impossible to ever ask a woman out.
- 00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:24,750 Wow, I've never met a man
- 00:10:24,875 --> 00:10:27,919 who was as sexually unappealing as me.
- 00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:30,714 Neither have I.
- 00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:31,965 Well, I'm quite happy without sex.
- 00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:33,967 I mean, with all the diseases and problems out there,
- 00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:34,968 who needs it, right?
- 00:10:35,093 --> 00:10:37,512 Not me. M'kay.
- 00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:38,764 Well, back to the lesson plan, then.
- 00:10:38,889 --> 00:10:42,184 Right. - Okay, oral sex.
- 00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,810 Doesn't it give any other directions?
- 00:10:43,935 --> 00:10:45,437 No, it looks like
- 00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,606 you're just supposed to roll it over your wiener.
- 00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:49,858 "If used properly, latex condoms are effective
- 00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:52,944 against pregnancy, AIDS, and other 'STDses'."
- 00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:54,613 What are "STDses"?
- 00:10:54,738 --> 00:10:56,782 How the heck should I know?
- 00:10:56,907 --> 00:10:59,201 Why, it's just a little doughnut.
- 00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:01,119 Oh, it's all gooey.
- 00:11:01,244 --> 00:11:02,579 Just put it on, Butters.
- 00:11:02,704 --> 00:11:04,456 How come I got to go first?
- 00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:06,625 Butters, will you stop... filibustering?
- 00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:08,168 Alright, then.
- 00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:12,464 Oh, it's sticky.
- 00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:14,466 It says you got to check it for holes or tears.
- 00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:16,134 I don't even understand how this thing--
- 00:11:16,259 --> 00:11:17,886 Oh, wait, oh, I see.
- 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,680 Don't look at Butters' schlong, gaymo!
- 00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:20,806 I wasn't looking at his schlong.
- 00:11:20,931 --> 00:11:22,474 I was seeing how to put the condom on!
- 00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:23,642 Sure. - But it won't stay on.
- 00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:25,018 I need a rubber band or something.
- 00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:27,521 I've got rubber bands!
- 00:11:27,646 --> 00:11:30,232 Ow, oh, ow! Okay, ow!
- 00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:32,484 There, okay, I think it's on.
- 00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:34,569 How do you feel? - Pretty good.
- 00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:36,029 Do you feel protected?
- 00:11:36,154 --> 00:11:38,156 Nothing's getting at my wiener through this thing.
- 00:11:38,281 --> 00:11:39,741 It's even got a little reservoir at the end
- 00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:40,742 so you can pee in it.
- 00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:41,910 Alright, here, everybody.
- 00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:43,578 Tweek, give everyone a rubber band.
- 00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:44,871 Hey, somebody's got to help Timmy put his condom on.
- 00:11:44,996 --> 00:11:45,706 Timmy!
- 00:11:47,708 --> 00:11:49,835 Teachers, I have some bad news.
- 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,671 Last night, I received a phone call from the local pharmacist.
- 00:11:52,796 --> 00:11:55,882 Apparently, almost all of our 4th graders are sexually active.
- 00:11:56,007 --> 00:11:57,509 And now that we've scared them a little,
- 00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,010 they're buying condoms to use.
- 00:11:59,136 --> 00:12:00,846 I knew it.
- 00:12:00,971 --> 00:12:02,848 At least we scared them enough to protect themselves.
- 00:12:02,973 --> 00:12:04,933 But now maybe you'll believe me when I say that we need to be
- 00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:07,185 teaching even younger than 4th grade.
- 00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:08,979 but how old do you think a student should be
- 00:12:09,104 --> 00:12:10,981 when they learn about proper condom use?
- 00:12:11,106 --> 00:12:12,482 Kindergarten.
- 00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:13,692 Kindergarten?
- 00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:15,026 We've got to get to the students
- 00:12:15,152 --> 00:12:17,946 before they start having...sex,
- 00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:19,865 Not after.
- 00:12:19,990 --> 00:12:21,867 Oh, now this is getting ridiculous.
- 00:12:21,992 --> 00:12:23,201 I have to agree with Miss Choksondik.
- 00:12:23,326 --> 00:12:25,871 It's our responsibility to make sure our kids are safe
- 00:12:25,996 --> 00:12:27,706 If they're gonna screw around.
- 00:12:27,831 --> 00:12:29,583 I guess we have no choice.
- 00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:31,752 [school bell rings]
- 00:12:31,877 --> 00:12:34,296 Okay, children, who can tell me what a condom is?
- 00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:38,633 Yes, Jenny.
- 00:12:38,759 --> 00:12:40,969 it flies around, and it's endangered.
- 00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:43,597 That's a <i>condor,</i> Jenny, <i>condor.</i>
- 00:12:43,722 --> 00:12:47,017 Condoms are what we use to stop the spread of STDs.
- 00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:48,727 Yes, Filmore?
- 00:12:48,852 --> 00:12:49,978 Can we do finger paints?
- 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,813 No, we can't do finger paints!
- 00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,940 You kids want to get herpes, huh?
- 00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:56,485 How about a nice bucket of AIDS? Sound good?
- 00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:58,737 Now pay attention, alright?
- 00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:02,199 I'm going to show you the proper way to put on a condom.
- 00:13:02,324 --> 00:13:05,660 First of all, you remove the condom from its package.
- 00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:08,580 Then you find which way the condom rolls out.
- 00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:12,667 Put it in your mouth and apply.
- 00:13:17,005 --> 00:13:19,758 [sobbing] Ahhh, ahh!
- 00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:22,886 And it's as simple as that. Any questions?
- 00:13:23,011 --> 00:13:24,763 Alright, girls, yesterday we went over
- 00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:26,765 the myriad of diseases you can get from boys.
- 00:13:26,890 --> 00:13:28,058 But today we're going to talk about
- 00:13:28,183 --> 00:13:30,894 the most horrible disease they can give you of all.
- 00:13:31,019 --> 00:13:33,146 Pregnancy!
- 00:13:33,271 --> 00:13:36,525 That's right, since you girls decided to be sexually active,
- 00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:38,401 teen pregnancy is at an all-time high.
- 00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:40,779 You seem to think it's gonna be fun and neat to have a baby.
- 00:13:40,904 --> 00:13:44,115 Well, let's watch a little video, shall we?
- 00:13:44,241 --> 00:13:47,744 Strikie Smalls presents <i>The Miracle of Childbirth.</i>
- 00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:49,746 The time is drawing close for delivery.
- 00:13:49,871 --> 00:13:50,956 Here we can see the water breaking.
- 00:13:51,081 --> 00:13:52,874 All: Eww!
- 00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,835 Later, the contractions are happening closer together.
- 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:56,670 Mom sure is in a lot of pain.
- 00:13:56,795 --> 00:13:58,839 Now we can see the crown of the baby's head
- 00:13:58,964 --> 00:14:00,465 stretching the vaginal walls
- 00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:02,843 in ways never before thought possible by Mom.
- 00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:05,720 Finally, the miracle happens, and the baby is born.
- 00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:07,180 But Mom's not done yet.
- 00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:09,599 She's still got some afterbirth to push out of her.
- 00:14:09,724 --> 00:14:12,978 All: Aaah!!
- 00:14:13,103 --> 00:14:14,145 That's right.
- 00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:16,898 Girls, girls, where are you going?
- 00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:28,827 [school bell rings]
- 00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:30,579 Man, this condom is driving me crazy.
- 00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:32,372 Yeah, I've changed mine three times already
- 00:14:32,497 --> 00:14:33,748 'cause it itches so much.
- 00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:35,625 Yeah, but it makes going to the bathroom easier.
- 00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:41,089 Alright, boys, I now have all the information I need
- 00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:43,758 to teach you the female anatomy, m'kay?
- 00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:47,554 M'kay, this part here is the vaginal opening.
- 00:14:47,679 --> 00:14:48,847 This is where the man puts his--
- 00:14:48,972 --> 00:14:50,015 Eric, what the hell are you doing?
- 00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:51,182 I'm putting on a new condom.
- 00:14:51,308 --> 00:14:52,309 I filled the other one up.
- 00:14:52,434 --> 00:14:53,685 Why are you wearing a condom?
- 00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:55,186 So I don't get AIDS.
- 00:14:55,312 --> 00:14:57,147 Eric, you can't get AIDS from just sitting around.
- 00:14:57,272 --> 00:14:58,607 You have to get it from sex.
- 00:14:58,732 --> 00:14:59,858 From sex? - Yes.
- 00:14:59,983 --> 00:15:01,276 You mean intercourse with a girl?
- 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:03,778 Yes! Now, will you all pay attention, please?
- 00:15:03,904 --> 00:15:05,280 The vagina and the clitoris are on...
- 00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,532 All this time, it's the girls that give <i>us</i> diseases.
- 00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:08,742 I knew it. Girls lie!
- 00:15:08,867 --> 00:15:10,869 They lie right to your face!
- 00:15:10,994 --> 00:15:13,204 Now, here we can see the interior female anatomy.
- 00:15:13,330 --> 00:15:14,706 Well, that does it.
- 00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:15,707 If us boys are going to live,
- 00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:17,709 we have to get rid of the girls.
- 00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:19,210 Yeah, come on, guys. This is war.
- 00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:20,879 Yeah. - Come on!
- 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:30,096 And here we see the tender, magical uterus.
- 00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:32,933 Here we see the enticing, voluptuous
- 00:15:33,058 --> 00:15:35,936 fallopian tubes, m'kay?
- 00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:37,812 Okay, children, now I want to review
- 00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:40,023 the different sexual positions.
- 00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:42,734 Who can tell me which sexual positions we talked about?
- 00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:44,736 Missionary position?
- 00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:46,196 Missionary position, good.
- 00:15:46,321 --> 00:15:47,572 A little boring but tried and true.
- 00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:48,573 What else?
- 00:15:48,698 --> 00:15:50,116 Doggie?
- 00:15:50,241 --> 00:15:52,202 That's right, Doggie Style we went over, mm-hmm.
- 00:15:52,327 --> 00:15:54,162 Pile driver?
- 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:56,247 Uh-huh, Pile Driver position. Good, Quake.
- 00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:58,959 The Filthy Sanchez?
- 00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:01,252 Yes, good, Flora, you remembered the Filthy Sanchez.
- 00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:03,213 Hot Karl?
- 00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:06,174 Yes, you can give your partner the old Hot Karl, sure.
- 00:16:12,097 --> 00:16:13,765 There, you see?
- 00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:16,935 The girls have built some kind of stronghold to keep us out.
- 00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:18,103 Stay away from us, bastards!
- 00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:19,980 We don't want to get pregnant!
- 00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:22,691 Yeah, just take your diseases and go away forever.
- 00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:24,526 Ha! They're your diseases.
- 00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,236 Yeah! You get out of town.
- 00:16:26,361 --> 00:16:27,737 Here, talk to them, Butters.
- 00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:29,698 Me? What the heck am I supposed to say?
- 00:16:29,823 --> 00:16:31,533 Just tell them if they leave town peacefully,
- 00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:34,619 we won't have to resort to violence.
- 00:16:34,744 --> 00:16:36,079 [in gruff adult voice] Just walk away.
- 00:16:36,204 --> 00:16:38,707 You can put a stop to all this.
- 00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:42,085 Just walk away, and we will spare your lives.
- 00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:43,795 Just walk away.
- 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,088 He's pretty good.
- 00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:47,048 We'll never walk away! Never!
- 00:16:53,138 --> 00:16:54,597 Oh, bitch!
- 00:16:54,723 --> 00:16:56,182 That does it! Attack!
- 00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:57,976 [all shouting]
- 00:16:58,101 --> 00:17:01,229 M'kay, so apparently, the lesson plan tomorrow
- 00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:05,734 is supposed to involve secretion of bodily fluids, m'kay.
- 00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:07,235 I've already gone through that with the girls.
- 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,278 It's pretty simple.
- 00:17:08,403 --> 00:17:09,279 Do you want a drink?
- 00:17:09,404 --> 00:17:11,156 Why, sure.
- 00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:15,160 Yeah, I think I can get through that stuff pretty quick.
- 00:17:15,285 --> 00:17:18,496 Ah, maybe we should come up with another lesson plan.
- 00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:19,748 Something about how nerve endings
- 00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:21,499 play an important part in intercourse.
- 00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:22,959 Oh, right, right.
- 00:17:23,084 --> 00:17:26,796 Like... In the...nipples.
- 00:17:26,921 --> 00:17:31,009 or the... shaft of the penis.
- 00:17:31,134 --> 00:17:35,764 It says here that the, uh, head of the penis
- 00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:39,726 is actually the most sensitive part, m'kay.
- 00:17:39,851 --> 00:17:41,686 Oh, yes, the nerve endings are the most concentrated
- 00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:43,855 at the tip of the penis,
- 00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:47,317 like they are in the clitoris of the woman.
- 00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:50,904 And these are the two areas most important to...
- 00:17:51,029 --> 00:17:53,782 sexual stimulation.
- 00:17:56,367 --> 00:17:57,869 Oh, is this wrong?
- 00:17:57,994 --> 00:18:00,580 I don't know. It doesn't feel wrong.
- 00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:05,877 I've been thinking about you a lot, Miss Choksondik.
- 00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:08,046 Yeah, what do you do when you think about me?
- 00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:09,130 I go crazy.
- 00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:10,131 Do you touch yourself?
- 00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:11,216 Yeah.
- 00:18:11,341 --> 00:18:12,759 Mmm.
- 00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:44,707 [moaning]
- 00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:46,751 Ah, m'kay.
- 00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:48,920 Oh, my gosh. Oh, God. Stop, stop!
- 00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:50,255 What's wrong?
- 00:18:50,380 --> 00:18:51,673 It's your turn.
- 00:18:53,925 --> 00:18:56,261 Oh, oh, Miss Choksondik.
- 00:18:56,386 --> 00:18:58,638 M'kay, m'kay!
- 00:18:58,763 --> 00:18:59,848 Do you want me? - I do.
- 00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:03,184 Tell me. - I want you, m'kay.
- 00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:04,644 Wait, wait, wait!
- 00:19:04,769 --> 00:19:06,271 Do you have a condom?
- 00:19:06,396 --> 00:19:08,731 Well, no.
- 00:19:08,857 --> 00:19:10,650 Oh, well. Fuck it.
- 00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:11,943 Oh God. Give it to me.
- 00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:14,070 Oh, yeah.
- 00:19:14,195 --> 00:19:16,781 Oh, oh, that's it, baby. That's it.
- 00:19:16,906 --> 00:19:18,658 Oh, it feels so good, m'kay.
- 00:19:18,783 --> 00:19:20,285 [shouting]
- 00:19:32,255 --> 00:19:34,132 [screaming]
- 00:19:34,257 --> 00:19:36,009 [rumbling explosion]
- 00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:40,221 What the hell was that?
- 00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:41,681 Did you feel something?
- 00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:45,268 Oh no.
- 00:19:47,312 --> 00:19:49,063 Jesus Christ!
- 00:19:52,817 --> 00:19:54,652 Ooh, Butters, you're in big trouble now.
- 00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:59,657 [siren wailing]
- 00:19:59,782 --> 00:20:01,409 Well, I don't know what got into you kids.
- 00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:02,911 You should be ashamed of yourselves.
- 00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:04,871 We just didn't want the girls giving us diseases.
- 00:20:04,996 --> 00:20:06,581 I'm afraid this is all my fault.
- 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,875 I think I went a little overboard scaring the girls.
- 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,419 I forgot to tell them that to get diseases from boys,
- 00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:13,338 you have to have sex with them first.
- 00:20:13,463 --> 00:20:14,339 Kids: Oh.
- 00:20:14,464 --> 00:20:15,590 Well, I hate to say it,
- 00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,759 but you all got what you deserve.
- 00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,427 All: Huh?
- 00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:21,095 Look, schools are teaching condom use
- 00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:22,972 to younger and younger students each day.
- 00:20:23,097 --> 00:20:24,807 But sex isn't something that should be taught
- 00:20:24,933 --> 00:20:26,517 in textbooks and diagrams.
- 00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:29,354 Sex is emotional and spiritual.
- 00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:30,647 It needs to be taught by family.
- 00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:32,690 I know it can be hard, parents,
- 00:20:32,815 --> 00:20:35,401 but if you leave it up to the schools to teach sex to kids,
- 00:20:35,526 --> 00:20:36,945 you don't know who they're learning it from.
- 00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:39,322 It could be someone who doesn't know,
- 00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:41,282 someone who has a bad opinion of it,
- 00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:43,451 or even a complete pervert.
- 00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,703 What? Why did you pan to me just now?
- 00:20:45,828 --> 00:20:47,288 What the hell's that supposed to mean?
- 00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:48,706 He's right, I never knew
- 00:20:48,831 --> 00:20:52,919 how special and personal sex was until just recently.
- 00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:54,462 This whole mess started
- 00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:55,922 because we couldn't talk to our boy ourselves.
- 00:20:56,047 --> 00:20:58,383 It's easier to just leave it up to the school,
- 00:20:58,508 --> 00:21:00,385 but it's just not a school subject.
- 00:21:00,510 --> 00:21:02,303 Then it's decided; no more condom classes in grade school.
- 00:21:02,428 --> 00:21:03,972 Kids: Hooray!
- 00:21:04,097 --> 00:21:06,641 But, Chef, when is the right age for us to start having sex?
- 00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:08,351 It's very simple, children.
- 00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:11,062 The right time to start having sex is...
- 00:21:11,187 --> 00:21:12,355 17.
- 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,482 17? 17.
- 00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,401 So you mean 17, as long as you're in love?
- 00:21:16,526 --> 00:21:17,902 Nope, just 17.
- 00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:19,904 But what if you're not ready at 17?
- 00:21:20,029 --> 00:21:22,031 17, you're ready.
- 00:21:22,156 --> 00:21:23,700 Well, I guess we got a while to wait
- 00:21:23,825 --> 00:21:25,493 before we worry about sex and diseases, huh, Wendy?
- 00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:26,869 Yeah, thank God.
- 00:21:26,995 --> 00:21:28,496 Well, I guess now that that's out of the way,
- 00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:29,414 we can get on with our lives.
- 00:21:29,539 --> 00:21:30,915 Come here, boy.
- 00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:32,709 That's it, Red Rocket, Red Rocket, come on, yeah.
- 00:21:32,834 --> 00:21:33,710 Come on, Red Rocket, dog.
- 00:21:33,835 --> 00:21:34,919 Red Rocket now.
- 00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:39,465 Okay, children, so what other sexual positions
- 00:21:39,590 --> 00:21:40,925 did we talk about?
- 00:21:41,050 --> 00:21:44,345 Yeah, the Wrap-around Butt Grab. Sure, can't forget that.
- 00:21:44,470 --> 00:21:46,431 Uh-huh, Reverse Cowgirl. Good, Kevin.
- 00:21:46,556 --> 00:21:48,850 Hot Lunch? Yeah, she likes that.
- 00:21:48,975 --> 00:21:51,269 Donkey Punch, uh-huh.
- 00:21:51,394 --> 00:21:53,688 Glass Bottom Boat. Good one, yes.
- 00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:56,024 Fish Eye, good, Jenny.
- 00:21:56,149 --> 00:21:58,568 Chili Dog, mm-hmm.
Скриншоты
