Правильное использование презерватива

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♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

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♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

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♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

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♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

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♪ Gonna leave

my woes behind ♪

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♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

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♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

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♪ Headin' on up

to South Park ♪

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♪ Gonna see

if I can't unwind ♪

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♪ Come on down

to South Park ♪

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♪ And meet

some friends of mine ♪

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So we meet again,

Jennifer Lopez.

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"No, no, please!

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This time I swear I won't make

any more albums or movies."

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That's what

you said last time,

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but obviously we must now resort

to more drastic measures.

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"Oh God,

it burns! It burns!"

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Scream for me, bitch!

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"Aah!"

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- Whoa! Awesome!

- Hey, guys.

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You guys, come here!

You got to check this out!

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Oh no, what now?

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No, you guys,

this is really cool.

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Come on!

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What's this

all about, Kenny?

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Watch this.

It's so funny.

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Come here, Garden,

come on.

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Red Rocket, Red Rocket!

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Red Rocket,

Red Rocket, heh-heh!

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Come on!

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Cartman, what the hell

are you doing?

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I'm milking the dog.

They make dog milk.

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No, they don't.

- Yeah, they do!

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Yeah, just

hold on a minute.

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The 5th graders showed us

how to do it.

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Red Rocket, come on, dog,

Red Rocket.

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Oh, hoo!

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Whoa, cool!

- That's awesome!

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I told you guys.

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I had no idea dogs made milk.

Do it again.

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Dumb ass, you can only milk

a dog once every few hours.

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It doesn't work if you beat off

a dog again right away.

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You "beat off"?

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That's what it's called

when you milk a dog,

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beating it off.

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Don't you guys

know anything?

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Wow, you learned all this

from the 5th graders?

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Yeah, I guess they

thought we were cool,

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so they showed us

how to do it.

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Hey, come here, dog.

Dog, come here.

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Heh-heh-heh.

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I was really happy

with this month's book.

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I agree with what

Bob and Linda said--

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Mom, Dad,

you got to see this!

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not now, Stanley.

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This is mommy and daddy's

Book Club night, remember?

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But it's super cool!

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Later, sweetie.

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Anyway, I found myself enticed

by Steinbeck's imagery.

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The first chapter alone

was filled with poetry.

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Oh, wasn't it?

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I mean,

the first sentence...

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Red Rocket, Red Rocket!

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"Cannery Row in Monterey

in California

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is a poem, a stint,

a grating noise."

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It's amazing how,

with three images,

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he puts you

right there and...

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Red Rocket,

Red Rocket!

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Ahh!

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Stanley, what the hell

are you doing?

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I'm beating off

the dog.

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Red Rocket,

Red Rocket!

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Stanley, you go

to your room right now!

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My room, why?

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Go, Stanley!

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He gets

very good grades.

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Stanley,

do you know why

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you're being grounded

for ten months?

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No!

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Beating off the dog

is not appropriate

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when we have company.

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I mean...ever!

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Beating off the dog

is not appropriate ever.

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Why?

What's the big deal?

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Stanley, don't you understand

what you were doing?

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I was doing red rocket to make

the dog's milk come out.

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No, Stan, what you're doing

to the dog was...sexual.

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Huh?

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You were stimulating

the dog, Stanley.

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What came out of him

was his...

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Randy?

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Well, you know, when you

do that to a male...

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You make his...

stuff come out.

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Well, Jesus.

Haven't they taught you

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these things in school?

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What things?

- Sexual Education.

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Haven't you learned that yet?

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No!

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Oh, well,

you see, Stanley--

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Well, your school should be

teaching this stuff.

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Yeah, let's get that

damn school on the phone.

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Okay, parents, I know a lot

of you want a chance to speak,

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but we have to talk

one at a time.

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Look, our kids are learning

sexual things

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on the streets

and on television.

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There's no way

we can stop it.

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The schools have to teach them

sexual education

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at a younger age.

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School policy has been

to teach sexual education later,

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in the 6th grade.

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it isn't

soon enough.

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Yeah, why,

just this afternoon,

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our son was caught

beating off our dog.

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Look, parents, do you

really want your children

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learning about sex?

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Part of the fun of being a kid

is being naive.

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Let them be kids

for a while.

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Naive at what cost, Chef?

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Parents,

we have to face facts.

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Children in America are having

sex at younger and younger ages.

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STDs are affecting younger

and younger kids all the time.

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The only way we can

combat that

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is by educating children

before they have sex.

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The first thing

that kids learn about sex

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shouldn't be some big

scare tactic about STDs.

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No, she's right.

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With all the teen pregnancies

that are out today,

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I think my boy does need to know

about sexual education.

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From the school.

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Yeah, uh-huh.

- Yeah, we have to.

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Okay, boys,

this is the first day

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of Sexual Education,

m'kay now.

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I know that some of you

think this is very funny,

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words like

"penis" and "vagina."

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Now, stop that, m'kay?

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We're gonna get through this

by being mature and grown up.

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M'kay?

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Now, this is

the male anatomy, m'kay?

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Here we see the testes

and the scrotum.

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Stop that, m'kay?

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The next person that laughs

is gonna get a referral.

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M'kay...

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Now, in order to have

intercourse, m'kay,

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the man takes

his penis, and he...

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Uh, let's see.

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The man takes

his penis, and he...hmm.

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Dude, haven't you ever had

intercourse, Mr. Mackey?

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Well, sure I have.

It's just...

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I was about

19 at the time.

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It's been about

21 years.

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M'kay...

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Let's see, uh...

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I'm pretty sure I took--

yeah, I took the penis, and I--

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What the hell did I do

with that damn thing?

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Alright, girls,

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even though this may be stuff

you don't want to hear,

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you need to hear it.

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Oh, we want to hear it,

Miss Choksondik;

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We're excited.

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Yeah, we think

it's gonna be fun.

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Yeah!

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Fun?

It's going to be fun?

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Well let's start with our

first lesson, then, shall we?

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Sexually transmitted

diseases!

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That's right, because unless

you get boys to wear condoms,

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you can and will get a sexually

transmitted disease from them.

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How fun is that, hmm?

Is that fun?

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I didn't mean that--

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Today over 20,000 Americans

will contract a sexual disease.

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Today!

12,000 more tomorrow.

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And the reason is that you girls

wake up in the morning

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and say, "it's not gonna

happen to me."

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You say,

"oh, Miss Choksondik,

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"that happens to girls

in Detroit and Brooklyn

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but not here

in Colorado."

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Wrong!

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Gonorrhea, herpes,

chlamydia, HPV, HIV,

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syphilis, hepatitis "b,"

hepatitis "c"--

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the list goes on and on.

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These are

serious diseases!

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They have serious

consequences!

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You think that sex is about

fun and games and love.

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Wrong!

Sex is about disease.

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Here's a little picture

of herpes.

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And here's a little

syphilis for ya.

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That's right, girls.

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Here's what happens when you

don't get boys to use condoms.

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Hello, there, children.

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Hey, Chef.

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How is sexual

education class going?

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it's dumb; Mr. Mackey

doesn't teach us nothin'.

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Yeah, I don't think

ol' Mackey

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knows a hymen

from a hysterectomy.

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And Choksondik,

I'd be surprised

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if she's ever gotten

laid in her life.

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Yeah.

- Chef, what's "laid"?

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Oh, nothing.

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Now, move along, children.

You're holding up the line.

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Hey, maybe

we should ask the girls

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what they learned

in Sex Ed.

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Yeah.

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Hey, Wendy,

did you guys get--

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What the hell is

wrong with them?

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You guys,

we just want to know--

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Aah!

- Stay away from me, Stan!

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Why?

Are you wearing a condom?

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A what?

- Aah!

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Do any of you have

your condoms on?

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No.

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Don't you know that

without wearing a condom,

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you could

get a disease?

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Nah-ah.

- Yeah-huh.

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If you don't wear a condom,

you're gonna get AIDS.

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AIDS?

00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:29,825

Oh, jeez, I don't wanna

get the AIDS, fellas.

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Is that what you learned

in Sex Ed?

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Mr. Mackey didn't say

nothing about that.

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Dude, Mr. Mackey didn't know

anything about anything.

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You guys have to wear

condoms.

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Now, please, just--

just go away.

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We don't want your AIDS.

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But, Wendy, we don't

understand how--

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Oh my God, dude.

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What are we

gonna do, huh?

00:07:46,592 --> 00:07:47,926

Dude, we got to go get

condoms quick.

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Yeah.

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Can I help you boys?

00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:01,440

Yeah, we need

condoms.

00:08:01,565 --> 00:08:02,941

Condoms?

00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,943

Yeah, quick.

00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:06,528

How old

are you boys?

00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:07,613

Why does that matter?

00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:09,114

I'll be nine

next week.

00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:11,617

Sorry, kids, I'm not

selling you condoms.

00:08:11,742 --> 00:08:13,118

Why not? You want us

to get AIDS?

00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:15,120

I just don't think that

kids your age should be--

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Mark, we have to be willing

to supply condoms

00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:18,415

to anyone

who requests them.

00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:20,542

But they're children!

00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:22,085

Would you rather them

do it unprotected?

00:08:22,211 --> 00:08:23,837

Yeah, you want us

unprotected, you asshole?

00:08:23,962 --> 00:08:26,089

I just think that all this

Sex Ed and condom talk

00:08:26,215 --> 00:08:27,633

in elementary school

is wrong.

00:08:27,758 --> 00:08:29,092

Kids are going to do

what they do,

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and it's up to us to make sure

they're protected.

00:08:31,220 --> 00:08:32,679

I'm glad this lady's

on our side.

00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:34,097

I don't think we have any

that will even fit them.

00:08:34,223 --> 00:08:35,807

Sure, we do.

00:08:35,933 --> 00:08:37,392

We just got in the new

Gladiators for kids,

00:08:37,518 --> 00:08:38,810

Lil Mini's.

00:08:38,936 --> 00:08:40,729

They're specially designed

for kids under 10,

00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,481

and they're only $5.95

for a box of 50.

00:08:42,606 --> 00:08:43,815

50?

00:08:43,941 --> 00:08:45,484

Can't we just use

the same one every day?

00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:47,110

No, you have to change it.

00:08:47,236 --> 00:08:48,820

Oh, jeez, we're gonna have

to buy tons of these things.

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Thanks so much for letting me

come over, Miss Choksondik.

00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:54,826

Oh, it's no problem,

Mr. Mackey.

00:08:54,952 --> 00:08:55,994

It's probably best

we come up

00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:57,996

with a lesson plan

together anyway.

00:08:58,121 --> 00:09:00,040

yeah, I've already gone over

most of the basics, you know,

00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:02,000

with the boys,

but I, uh,

00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:04,503

just wanted to see what else

you were teaching the girls

00:09:04,628 --> 00:09:06,088

in case

I missed anything.

00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:07,631

We should make sure

our students

00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:09,007

are good and scared

of the consequences.

00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:10,968

We have to teach them

that diseases are possible,

00:09:11,093 --> 00:09:12,511

even with just oral sex.

00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:15,931

Right, oral sex,

which of course would be...

00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:18,517

using your mouth

on the penis or vagina.

00:09:18,642 --> 00:09:21,103

Penis or vagina, right.

Oral sex, m'kay.

00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:23,480

It's just too bad these girls

are having sex so young.

00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:24,481

Yeah...did you?

00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:26,024

Did I what?

00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:30,112

Well, how long did you wait

before you had, uh, doobers?

00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:33,031

Well, if you must know,

I'm still somewhat of a virgin.

00:09:33,156 --> 00:09:35,409

But I'm not

ashamed of it!

00:09:35,534 --> 00:09:38,161

I wasn't really sought after

much in high school or college.

00:09:38,287 --> 00:09:41,206

I was made fun of most my life

for having such large glasses.

00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:42,916

The only boyfriend

I ever had

00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:45,460

was this attractive, popular

boy named Steven Garret.

00:09:45,586 --> 00:09:48,046

I liked him very much, but

I found out he was dating me

00:09:48,171 --> 00:09:50,048

because he had lost a bet

on the Super Bowl.

00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:51,675

Loser had to go out with me

for three days.

00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:52,884

Oh, I'm sorry.

00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:54,553

People can be

very cruel.

00:09:54,678 --> 00:09:55,929

Anyway, I know

it's hard to understand.

00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:58,557

Actually, I understand

perfectly.

00:09:58,682 --> 00:10:01,059

I wasn't exactly the captain

of the football team either.

00:10:03,020 --> 00:10:04,896

And then as I got older,

00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:07,899

my head just sort of

seemed to get bigger

00:10:08,025 --> 00:10:09,985

while the rest of my body

stayed the same.

00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,862

That's how I got

my nickname in college.

00:10:11,987 --> 00:10:13,071

Your nickname?

00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:14,906

"That guy

with the really big head."

00:10:15,032 --> 00:10:16,575

Right.

00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:19,036

Anyway, I sort of

lost any confidence

00:10:19,161 --> 00:10:22,122

and found it impossible

to ever ask a woman out.

00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:24,750

Wow, I've never met a man

00:10:24,875 --> 00:10:27,919

who was as sexually

unappealing as me.

00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:30,714

Neither have I.

00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:31,965

Well, I'm quite happy

without sex.

00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:33,967

I mean, with all the diseases

and problems out there,

00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:34,968

who needs it, right?

00:10:35,093 --> 00:10:37,512

Not me.

M'kay.

00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:38,764

Well, back to

the lesson plan, then.

00:10:38,889 --> 00:10:42,184

Right.

- Okay, oral sex.

00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,810

Doesn't it give

any other directions?

00:10:43,935 --> 00:10:45,437

No, it looks like

00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,606

you're just supposed to roll it

over your wiener.

00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:49,858

"If used properly,

latex condoms are effective

00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:52,944

against pregnancy, AIDS,

and other 'STDses'."

00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:54,613

What are "STDses"?

00:10:54,738 --> 00:10:56,782

How the heck

should I know?

00:10:56,907 --> 00:10:59,201

Why, it's just

a little doughnut.

00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:01,119

Oh, it's all gooey.

00:11:01,244 --> 00:11:02,579

Just put it on,

Butters.

00:11:02,704 --> 00:11:04,456

How come

I got to go first?

00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:06,625

Butters, will you stop...

filibustering?

00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:08,168

Alright, then.

00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:12,464

Oh, it's sticky.

00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:14,466

It says you got to check it

for holes or tears.

00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:16,134

I don't even understand

how this thing--

00:11:16,259 --> 00:11:17,886

Oh, wait, oh, I see.

00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,680

Don't look at Butters'

schlong, gaymo!

00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:20,806

I wasn't looking

at his schlong.

00:11:20,931 --> 00:11:22,474

I was seeing how to put

the condom on!

00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:23,642

Sure.

- But it won't stay on.

00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:25,018

I need a rubber band

or something.

00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:27,521

I've got

rubber bands!

00:11:27,646 --> 00:11:30,232

Ow, oh, ow!

Okay, ow!

00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:32,484

There, okay,

I think it's on.

00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:34,569

How do you feel?

- Pretty good.

00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:36,029

Do you feel

protected?

00:11:36,154 --> 00:11:38,156

Nothing's getting at my wiener

through this thing.

00:11:38,281 --> 00:11:39,741

It's even got a little

reservoir at the end

00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:40,742

so you can pee in it.

00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:41,910

Alright,

here, everybody.

00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:43,578

Tweek, give everyone

a rubber band.

00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:44,871

Hey, somebody's got to help

Timmy put his condom on.

00:11:44,996 --> 00:11:45,706

Timmy!

00:11:47,708 --> 00:11:49,835

Teachers,

I have some bad news.

00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,671

Last night, I received a phone

call from the local pharmacist.

00:11:52,796 --> 00:11:55,882

Apparently, almost all of our

4th graders are sexually active.

00:11:56,007 --> 00:11:57,509

And now that we've

scared them a little,

00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,010

they're buying

condoms to use.

00:11:59,136 --> 00:12:00,846

I knew it.

00:12:00,971 --> 00:12:02,848

At least we scared them

enough to protect themselves.

00:12:02,973 --> 00:12:04,933

But now maybe you'll believe me

when I say that we need to be

00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:07,185

teaching even younger

than 4th grade.

00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:08,979

but how old do you think

a student should be

00:12:09,104 --> 00:12:10,981

when they learn

about proper condom use?

00:12:11,106 --> 00:12:12,482

Kindergarten.

00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:13,692

Kindergarten?

00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:15,026

We've got to get

to the students

00:12:15,152 --> 00:12:17,946

before they start

having...sex,

00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:19,865

Not after.

00:12:19,990 --> 00:12:21,867

Oh, now this is

getting ridiculous.

00:12:21,992 --> 00:12:23,201

I have to agree

with Miss Choksondik.

00:12:23,326 --> 00:12:25,871

It's our responsibility

to make sure our kids are safe

00:12:25,996 --> 00:12:27,706

If they're gonna

screw around.

00:12:27,831 --> 00:12:29,583

I guess we have

no choice.

00:12:31,877 --> 00:12:34,296

Okay, children, who can

tell me what a condom is?

00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:38,633

Yes, Jenny.

00:12:38,759 --> 00:12:40,969

it flies around,

and it's endangered.

00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:43,597

That's a condor,

Jenny, condor.

00:12:43,722 --> 00:12:47,017

Condoms are what we use to stop

the spread of STDs.

00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:48,727

Yes, Filmore?

00:12:48,852 --> 00:12:49,978

Can we do

finger paints?

00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,813

No, we can't do

finger paints!

00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,940

You kids want to get

herpes, huh?

00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:56,485

How about a nice bucket

of AIDS? Sound good?

00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:58,737

Now pay attention,

alright?

00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:02,199

I'm going to show you the proper

way to put on a condom.

00:13:02,324 --> 00:13:05,660

First of all, you remove

the condom from its package.

00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:08,580

Then you find which way

the condom rolls out.

00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:12,667

Put it in your mouth

and apply.

00:13:17,005 --> 00:13:19,758

Ahhh, ahh!

00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:22,886

And it's as simple as that.

Any questions?

00:13:23,011 --> 00:13:24,763

Alright, girls,

yesterday we went over

00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:26,765

the myriad of diseases

you can get from boys.

00:13:26,890 --> 00:13:28,058

But today we're

going to talk about

00:13:28,183 --> 00:13:30,894

the most horrible disease

they can give you of all.

00:13:31,019 --> 00:13:33,146

Pregnancy!

00:13:33,271 --> 00:13:36,525

That's right, since you girls

decided to be sexually active,

00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:38,401

teen pregnancy

is at an all-time high.

00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:40,779

You seem to think it's gonna be

fun and neat to have a baby.

00:13:40,904 --> 00:13:44,115

Well, let's watch

a little video, shall we?

00:13:44,241 --> 00:13:47,744

Strikie Smalls presents

The Miracle of Childbirth.

00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:49,746

The time is drawing close

for delivery.

00:13:49,871 --> 00:13:50,956

Here we can see

the water breaking.

00:13:51,081 --> 00:13:52,874

Eww!

00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,835

Later, the contractions are

happening closer together.

00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:56,670

Mom sure is

in a lot of pain.

00:13:56,795 --> 00:13:58,839

Now we can see the crown

of the baby's head

00:13:58,964 --> 00:14:00,465

stretching

the vaginal walls

00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:02,843

in ways never before

thought possible by Mom.

00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:05,720

Finally, the miracle happens,

and the baby is born.

00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:07,180

But Mom's not done yet.

00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:09,599

She's still got some afterbirth

to push out of her.

00:14:09,724 --> 00:14:12,978

Aaah!!

00:14:13,103 --> 00:14:14,145

That's right.

00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:16,898

Girls, girls,

where are you going?

00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:30,579

Man, this condom is

driving me crazy.

00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:32,372

Yeah, I've changed mine

three times already

00:14:32,497 --> 00:14:33,748

'cause it itches so much.

00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:35,625

Yeah, but it makes going

to the bathroom easier.

00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:41,089

Alright, boys, I now have

all the information I need

00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:43,758

to teach you

the female anatomy, m'kay?

00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:47,554

M'kay, this part here

is the vaginal opening.

00:14:47,679 --> 00:14:48,847

This is where

the man puts his--

00:14:48,972 --> 00:14:50,015

Eric, what the hell

are you doing?

00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:51,182

I'm putting on

a new condom.

00:14:51,308 --> 00:14:52,309

I filled

the other one up.

00:14:52,434 --> 00:14:53,685

Why are you

wearing a condom?

00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:55,186

So I don't get AIDS.

00:14:55,312 --> 00:14:57,147

Eric, you can't get AIDS

from just sitting around.

00:14:57,272 --> 00:14:58,607

You have to get it

from sex.

00:14:58,732 --> 00:14:59,858

From sex?

- Yes.

00:14:59,983 --> 00:15:01,276

You mean intercourse

with a girl?

00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:03,778

Yes! Now, will you all

pay attention, please?

00:15:03,904 --> 00:15:05,280

The vagina

and the clitoris are on...

00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,532

All this time, it's the girls

that give us diseases.

00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:08,742

I knew it.

Girls lie!

00:15:08,867 --> 00:15:10,869

They lie

right to your face!

00:15:10,994 --> 00:15:13,204

Now, here we can see

the interior female anatomy.

00:15:13,330 --> 00:15:14,706

Well, that does it.

00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:15,707

If us boys

are going to live,

00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:17,709

we have to get rid

of the girls.

00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:19,210

Yeah, come on, guys.

This is war.

00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:20,879

Yeah.

- Come on!

00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:30,096

And here we see

the tender, magical uterus.

00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:32,933

Here we see

the enticing, voluptuous

00:15:33,058 --> 00:15:35,936

fallopian tubes, m'kay?

00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:37,812

Okay, children,

now I want to review

00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:40,023

the different

sexual positions.

00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:42,734

Who can tell me which sexual

positions we talked about?

00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:44,736

Missionary position?

00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:46,196

Missionary position, good.

00:15:46,321 --> 00:15:47,572

A little boring

but tried and true.

00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:48,573

What else?

00:15:48,698 --> 00:15:50,116

Doggie?

00:15:50,241 --> 00:15:52,202

That's right, Doggie Style

we went over, mm-hmm.

00:15:52,327 --> 00:15:54,162

Pile driver?

00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:56,247

Uh-huh, Pile Driver position.

Good, Quake.

00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:58,959

The Filthy Sanchez?

00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:01,252

Yes, good, Flora, you

remembered the Filthy Sanchez.

00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:03,213

Hot Karl?

00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:06,174

Yes, you can give your partner

the old Hot Karl, sure.

00:16:12,097 --> 00:16:13,765

There, you see?

00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:16,935

The girls have built some kind

of stronghold to keep us out.

00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:18,103

Stay away from us, bastards!

00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:19,980

We don't want to get pregnant!

00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:22,691

Yeah, just take your diseases

and go away forever.

00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:24,526

Ha!

They're your diseases.

00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,236

Yeah!

You get out of town.

00:16:26,361 --> 00:16:27,737

Here, talk to them,

Butters.

00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:29,698

Me? What the heck am I

supposed to say?

00:16:29,823 --> 00:16:31,533

Just tell them if they

leave town peacefully,

00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:34,619

we won't have to resort

to violence.

00:16:34,744 --> 00:16:36,079

Just walk away.

00:16:36,204 --> 00:16:38,707

You can put a stop

to all this.

00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:42,085

Just walk away,

and we will spare your lives.

00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:43,795

Just walk away.

00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,088

He's pretty good.

00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:47,048

We'll never walk away!

Never!

00:16:53,138 --> 00:16:54,597

Oh, bitch!

00:16:54,723 --> 00:16:56,182

That does it!

Attack!

00:16:58,101 --> 00:17:01,229

M'kay, so apparently,

the lesson plan tomorrow

00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:05,734

is supposed to involve secretion

of bodily fluids, m'kay.

00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:07,235

I've already gone through

that with the girls.

00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,278

It's pretty simple.

00:17:08,403 --> 00:17:09,279

Do you want

a drink?

00:17:09,404 --> 00:17:11,156

Why, sure.

00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:15,160

Yeah, I think I can get through

that stuff pretty quick.

00:17:15,285 --> 00:17:18,496

Ah, maybe we should come up

with another lesson plan.

00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:19,748

Something about

how nerve endings

00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:21,499

play an important part

in intercourse.

00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:22,959

Oh, right, right.

00:17:23,084 --> 00:17:26,796

Like...

In the...nipples.

00:17:26,921 --> 00:17:31,009

or the...

shaft of the penis.

00:17:31,134 --> 00:17:35,764

It says here that

the, uh, head of the penis

00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:39,726

is actually the most

sensitive part, m'kay.

00:17:39,851 --> 00:17:41,686

Oh, yes, the nerve endings

are the most concentrated

00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:43,855

at the tip of the penis,

00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:47,317

like they are

in the clitoris of the woman.

00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:50,904

And these are the two areas

most important to...

00:17:51,029 --> 00:17:53,782

sexual stimulation.

00:17:56,367 --> 00:17:57,869

Oh, is this wrong?

00:17:57,994 --> 00:18:00,580

I don't know.

It doesn't feel wrong.

00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:05,877

I've been thinking about you

a lot, Miss Choksondik.

00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:08,046

Yeah, what do you do

when you think about me?

00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:09,130

I go crazy.

00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:10,131

Do you touch yourself?

00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:11,216

Yeah.

00:18:11,341 --> 00:18:12,759

Mmm.

00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:46,751

Ah, m'kay.

00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:48,920

Oh, my gosh. Oh, God.

Stop, stop!

00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:50,255

What's wrong?

00:18:50,380 --> 00:18:51,673

It's your turn.

00:18:53,925 --> 00:18:56,261

Oh, oh,

Miss Choksondik.

00:18:56,386 --> 00:18:58,638

M'kay, m'kay!

00:18:58,763 --> 00:18:59,848

Do you want me?

- I do.

00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:03,184

Tell me.

- I want you, m'kay.

00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:04,644

Wait, wait, wait!

00:19:04,769 --> 00:19:06,271

Do you have

a condom?

00:19:06,396 --> 00:19:08,731

Well, no.

00:19:08,857 --> 00:19:10,650

Oh, well.

Fuck it.

00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:11,943

Oh God.

Give it to me.

00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:14,070

Oh, yeah.

00:19:14,195 --> 00:19:16,781

Oh, oh, that's it, baby.

That's it.

00:19:16,906 --> 00:19:18,658

Oh, it feels

so good, m'kay.

00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:40,221

What the hell

was that?

00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:41,681

Did you feel

something?

00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:45,268

Oh no.

00:19:47,312 --> 00:19:49,063

Jesus Christ!

00:19:52,817 --> 00:19:54,652

Ooh, Butters,

you're in big trouble now.

00:19:59,782 --> 00:20:01,409

Well, I don't know

what got into you kids.

00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:02,911

You should be ashamed

of yourselves.

00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:04,871

We just didn't want

the girls giving us diseases.

00:20:04,996 --> 00:20:06,581

I'm afraid this is

all my fault.

00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,875

I think I went a little

overboard scaring the girls.

00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,419

I forgot to tell them

that to get diseases from boys,

00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:13,338

you have to have sex

with them first.

00:20:13,463 --> 00:20:14,339

Oh.

00:20:14,464 --> 00:20:15,590

Well, I hate to say it,

00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,759

but you all got

what you deserve.

00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,427

Huh?

00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:21,095

Look, schools are teaching

condom use

00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:22,972

to younger and younger

students each day.

00:20:23,097 --> 00:20:24,807

But sex isn't something

that should be taught

00:20:24,933 --> 00:20:26,517

in textbooks and diagrams.

00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:29,354

Sex is emotional

and spiritual.

00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:30,647

It needs to be taught

by family.

00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:32,690

I know it can be hard,

parents,

00:20:32,815 --> 00:20:35,401

but if you leave it up to the

schools to teach sex to kids,

00:20:35,526 --> 00:20:36,945

you don't know who

they're learning it from.

00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:39,322

It could be someone

who doesn't know,

00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:41,282

someone who has

a bad opinion of it,

00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:43,451

or even a complete pervert.

00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,703

What? Why did you

pan to me just now?

00:20:45,828 --> 00:20:47,288

What the hell's that

supposed to mean?

00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:48,706

He's right,

I never knew

00:20:48,831 --> 00:20:52,919

how special and personal sex was

until just recently.

00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:54,462

This whole mess started

00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:55,922

because we couldn't talk

to our boy ourselves.

00:20:56,047 --> 00:20:58,383

It's easier to just leave it

up to the school,

00:20:58,508 --> 00:21:00,385

but it's just not

a school subject.

00:21:00,510 --> 00:21:02,303

Then it's decided; no more

condom classes in grade school.

00:21:02,428 --> 00:21:03,972

Hooray!

00:21:04,097 --> 00:21:06,641

But, Chef, when is the right

age for us to start having sex?

00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:08,351

It's very simple,

children.

00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:11,062

The right time to start

having sex is...

00:21:11,187 --> 00:21:12,355

17.

00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,482

17?

17.

00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,401

So you mean 17,

as long as you're in love?

00:21:16,526 --> 00:21:17,902

Nope, just 17.

00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:19,904

But what if

you're not ready at 17?

00:21:20,029 --> 00:21:22,031

17, you're ready.

00:21:22,156 --> 00:21:23,700

Well, I guess we got

a while to wait

00:21:23,825 --> 00:21:25,493

before we worry about sex

and diseases, huh, Wendy?

00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:26,869

Yeah, thank God.

00:21:26,995 --> 00:21:28,496

Well, I guess now that

that's out of the way,

00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:29,414

we can get on

with our lives.

00:21:29,539 --> 00:21:30,915

Come here, boy.

00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:32,709

That's it, Red Rocket,

Red Rocket, come on, yeah.

00:21:32,834 --> 00:21:33,710

Come on,

Red Rocket, dog.

00:21:33,835 --> 00:21:34,919

Red Rocket now.

00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:39,465

Okay, children, so what other

sexual positions

00:21:39,590 --> 00:21:40,925

did we talk about?

00:21:41,050 --> 00:21:44,345

Yeah, the Wrap-around Butt Grab.

Sure, can't forget that.

00:21:44,470 --> 00:21:46,431

Uh-huh, Reverse Cowgirl.

Good, Kevin.

00:21:46,556 --> 00:21:48,850

Hot Lunch?

Yeah, she likes that.

00:21:48,975 --> 00:21:51,269

Donkey Punch, uh-huh.

00:21:51,394 --> 00:21:53,688

Glass Bottom Boat.

Good one, yes.

00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:56,024

Fish Eye,

good, Jenny.

00:21:56,149 --> 00:21:58,568

Chili Dog, mm-hmm.

00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,471

♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:00:12,596 --> 00:00:14,098

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:15,725

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,850 --> 00:00:16,934

♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

00:00:17,059 --> 00:00:18,936

♪ Gonna leave

my woes behind ♪

00:00:19,061 --> 00:00:20,438

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:00:20,563 --> 00:00:22,231

♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:23,733

♪ Headin' on up

to South Park ♪

00:00:23,858 --> 00:00:25,276

♪ Gonna see

if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,401 --> 00:00:28,863

♪ [muffled] ♪

00:00:28,988 --> 00:00:30,406

♪ Come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:31,824

♪ And meet

some friends of mine ♪

00:00:35,161 --> 00:00:36,746

So we meet again,

Jennifer Lopez.

00:00:36,871 --> 00:00:38,414

"No, no, please!

00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,458

This time I swear I won't make

any more albums or movies."

00:00:40,583 --> 00:00:42,168

That's what

you said last time,

00:00:42,293 --> 00:00:45,796

but obviously we must now resort

to more drastic measures.

00:00:45,921 --> 00:00:47,840

"Oh God,

it burns! It burns!"

00:00:47,965 --> 00:00:48,924

Scream for me, bitch!

00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:51,427

"Aah!"

00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:53,012

Both: Whoa! Awesome!

- Hey, guys.

00:00:53,137 --> 00:00:54,513

You guys, come here!

You got to check this out!

00:00:54,638 --> 00:00:56,057

Oh no, what now?

00:00:56,182 --> 00:00:57,224

No, you guys,

this is really cool.

00:00:57,349 --> 00:00:59,935

Come on!

00:01:00,061 --> 00:01:01,103

What's this

all about, Kenny?

00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:02,438

[muffled]

00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:03,898

Watch this.

It's so funny.

00:01:04,023 --> 00:01:05,858

Come here, Garden,

come on.

00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:11,280

Red Rocket, Red Rocket!

00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,032

Red Rocket,

Red Rocket, heh-heh!

00:01:13,157 --> 00:01:14,700

Come on!

00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:16,077

Cartman, what the hell

are you doing?

00:01:16,202 --> 00:01:17,828

I'm milking the dog.

They make dog milk.

00:01:17,953 --> 00:01:18,954

No, they don't.

- Yeah, they do!

00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:20,206

Yeah, just

hold on a minute.

00:01:20,331 --> 00:01:21,791

The 5th graders showed us

how to do it.

00:01:21,916 --> 00:01:23,042

Red Rocket, come on, dog,

Red Rocket.

00:01:23,167 --> 00:01:24,251

Oh, hoo!

00:01:24,376 --> 00:01:25,336

Whoa, cool!

- That's awesome!

00:01:25,461 --> 00:01:26,796

I told you guys.

00:01:26,921 --> 00:01:28,964

I had no idea dogs made milk.

Do it again.

00:01:29,090 --> 00:01:31,717

Dumb ass, you can only milk

a dog once every few hours.

00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:33,385

It doesn't work if you beat off

a dog again right away.

00:01:33,511 --> 00:01:35,304

You "beat off"?

00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:36,263

That's what it's called

when you milk a dog,

00:01:36,388 --> 00:01:37,807

beating it off.

00:01:37,932 --> 00:01:39,225

Don't you guys

know anything?

00:01:39,350 --> 00:01:40,309

Wow, you learned all this

from the 5th graders?

00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:41,727

Yeah, I guess they

thought we were cool,

00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:42,895

so they showed us

how to do it.

00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:44,146

Hey, come here, dog.

Dog, come here.

00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:46,148

Heh-heh-heh.

00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:47,983

I was really happy

with this month's book.

00:01:48,109 --> 00:01:49,401

I agree with what

Bob and Linda said--

00:01:49,527 --> 00:01:50,402

Mom, Dad,

you got to see this!

00:01:50,528 --> 00:01:52,321

not now, Stanley.

00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,073

This is mommy and daddy's

Book Club night, remember?

00:01:54,198 --> 00:01:55,157

But it's super cool!

00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:56,826

Later, sweetie.

00:01:56,951 --> 00:01:59,829

Anyway, I found myself enticed

by Steinbeck's imagery.

00:01:59,954 --> 00:02:02,123

The first chapter alone

was filled with poetry.

00:02:02,248 --> 00:02:03,165

Oh, wasn't it?

00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:04,333

I mean,

the first sentence...

00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:05,793

Red Rocket, Red Rocket!

00:02:05,918 --> 00:02:07,169

"Cannery Row in Monterey

in California

00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:10,005

is a poem, a stint,

a grating noise."

00:02:10,131 --> 00:02:12,133

It's amazing how,

with three images,

00:02:12,258 --> 00:02:14,468

he puts you

right there and...

00:02:14,593 --> 00:02:15,469

Red Rocket,

Red Rocket!

00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:17,012

Ahh!

00:02:17,138 --> 00:02:18,222

Stanley, what the hell

are you doing?

00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:19,223

I'm beating off

the dog.

00:02:19,348 --> 00:02:20,933

Red Rocket,

Red Rocket!

00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:23,269

Stanley, you go

to your room right now!

00:02:23,394 --> 00:02:24,270

My room, why?

00:02:24,395 --> 00:02:25,437

Go, Stanley!

00:02:25,563 --> 00:02:29,441

[dog panting]

00:02:29,567 --> 00:02:30,693

[laughs nervously]

00:02:30,818 --> 00:02:33,279

He gets

very good grades.

00:02:34,989 --> 00:02:36,323

Stanley,

do you know why

00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:38,033

you're being grounded

for ten months?

00:02:38,159 --> 00:02:39,326

No!

00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:40,744

Beating off the dog

is not appropriate

00:02:40,870 --> 00:02:41,745

when we have company.

00:02:41,871 --> 00:02:43,038

I mean...ever!

00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:44,915

Beating off the dog

is not appropriate ever.

00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,375

Why?

What's the big deal?

00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:49,044

Stanley, don't you understand

what you were doing?

00:02:49,170 --> 00:02:51,005

I was doing red rocket to make

the dog's milk come out.

00:02:51,130 --> 00:02:54,133

No, Stan, what you're doing

to the dog was...sexual.

00:02:54,258 --> 00:02:55,801

Huh?

00:02:55,926 --> 00:02:57,219

You were stimulating

the dog, Stanley.

00:02:57,344 --> 00:02:59,513

What came out of him

was his...

00:02:59,638 --> 00:03:01,223

Randy?

00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:04,810

Well, you know, when you

do that to a male...

00:03:04,935 --> 00:03:07,438

You make his...

stuff come out.

00:03:09,148 --> 00:03:10,274

Well, Jesus.

Haven't they taught you

00:03:10,399 --> 00:03:11,859

these things in school?

00:03:11,984 --> 00:03:13,402

What things?

- Sexual Education.

00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:14,945

Haven't you learned that yet?

00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:16,071

No!

00:03:16,197 --> 00:03:18,240

Oh, well,

you see, Stanley--

00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:20,159

Well, your school should be

teaching this stuff.

00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:22,161

Yeah, let's get that

damn school on the phone.

00:03:26,582 --> 00:03:29,335

Okay, parents, I know a lot

of you want a chance to speak,

00:03:29,460 --> 00:03:31,295

but we have to talk

one at a time.

00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:33,255

Look, our kids are learning

sexual things

00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:34,924

on the streets

and on television.

00:03:35,049 --> 00:03:36,425

There's no way

we can stop it.

00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,344

The schools have to teach them

sexual education

00:03:38,469 --> 00:03:39,929

at a younger age.

00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:42,264

School policy has been

to teach sexual education later,

00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:43,849

in the 6th grade.

00:03:43,974 --> 00:03:44,892

it isn't

soon enough.

00:03:45,017 --> 00:03:47,019

Yeah, why,

just this afternoon,

00:03:47,144 --> 00:03:50,272

our son was caught

beating off our dog.

00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,399

Look, parents, do you

really want your children

00:03:52,524 --> 00:03:54,109

learning about sex?

00:03:54,235 --> 00:03:56,362

Part of the fun of being a kid

is being naive.

00:03:56,487 --> 00:03:58,030

Let them be kids

for a while.

00:03:58,155 --> 00:03:59,823

Naive at what cost, Chef?

00:03:59,949 --> 00:04:01,408

Parents,

we have to face facts.

00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:04,203

Children in America are having

sex at younger and younger ages.

00:04:04,328 --> 00:04:06,872

STDs are affecting younger

and younger kids all the time.

00:04:06,997 --> 00:04:08,874

The only way we can

combat that

00:04:08,999 --> 00:04:11,794

is by educating children

before they have sex.

00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,921

The first thing

that kids learn about sex

00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:16,966

shouldn't be some big

scare tactic about STDs.

00:04:17,091 --> 00:04:18,384

No, she's right.

00:04:18,509 --> 00:04:20,344

With all the teen pregnancies

that are out today,

00:04:20,469 --> 00:04:23,681

I think my boy does need to know

about sexual education.

00:04:23,806 --> 00:04:25,140

From the school.

00:04:25,266 --> 00:04:26,350

Yeah, uh-huh.

- Yeah, we have to.

00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:31,438

Okay, boys,

this is the first day

00:04:31,563 --> 00:04:34,149

of Sexual Education,

m'kay now.

00:04:34,275 --> 00:04:36,068

I know that some of you

think this is very funny,

00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:38,487

words like

"penis" and "vagina."

00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:39,905

[snickering]

00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,949

Now, stop that, m'kay?

00:04:42,074 --> 00:04:43,993

We're gonna get through this

by being mature and grown up.

00:04:44,118 --> 00:04:45,452

M'kay?

00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:53,877

Now, this is

the male anatomy, m'kay?

00:04:54,003 --> 00:04:56,380

Here we see the testes

and the scrotum.

00:04:56,505 --> 00:04:58,382

[snickering]

Stop that, m'kay?

00:04:58,507 --> 00:05:02,177

The next person that laughs

is gonna get a referral.

00:05:02,303 --> 00:05:04,179

M'kay...

00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:06,682

Now, in order to have

intercourse, m'kay,

00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:11,937

the man takes

his penis, and he...

00:05:12,062 --> 00:05:14,231

Uh, let's see.

00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:19,945

The man takes

his penis, and he...hmm.

00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:22,031

Dude, haven't you ever had

intercourse, Mr. Mackey?

00:05:22,156 --> 00:05:23,699

Well, sure I have.

It's just...

00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,242

I was about

19 at the time.

00:05:25,367 --> 00:05:27,286

It's been about

21 years.

00:05:27,411 --> 00:05:29,163

M'kay...

00:05:29,288 --> 00:05:31,206

Let's see, uh...

00:05:31,332 --> 00:05:34,960

I'm pretty sure I took--

yeah, I took the penis, and I--

00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:36,962

What the hell did I do

with that damn thing?

00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:40,382

Alright, girls,

00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,092

even though this may be stuff

you don't want to hear,

00:05:42,217 --> 00:05:43,344

you need to hear it.

00:05:43,469 --> 00:05:44,803

Oh, we want to hear it,

Miss Choksondik;

00:05:44,928 --> 00:05:46,013

We're excited.

00:05:46,138 --> 00:05:46,889

Yeah, we think

it's gonna be fun.

00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:48,015

All: Yeah!

00:05:48,140 --> 00:05:50,017

Fun?

It's going to be fun?

00:05:50,142 --> 00:05:52,853

Well let's start with our

first lesson, then, shall we?

00:05:52,978 --> 00:05:55,898

Sexually transmitted

diseases!

00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:58,317

That's right, because unless

you get boys to wear condoms,

00:05:58,442 --> 00:06:01,111

you can and will get a sexually

transmitted disease from them.

00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:03,238

How fun is that, hmm?

Is that fun?

00:06:03,364 --> 00:06:05,032

I didn't mean that--

00:06:05,157 --> 00:06:06,867

Today over 20,000 Americans

will contract a sexual disease.

00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:09,078

Today!

12,000 more tomorrow.

00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:10,954

And the reason is that you girls

wake up in the morning

00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:12,998

and say, "it's not gonna

happen to me."

00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:14,958

You say,

"oh, Miss Choksondik,

00:06:15,084 --> 00:06:16,877

"that happens to girls

in Detroit and Brooklyn

00:06:17,002 --> 00:06:17,753

but not here

in Colorado."

00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,004

Wrong!

00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:21,298

Gonorrhea, herpes,

chlamydia, HPV, HIV,

00:06:21,423 --> 00:06:23,258

syphilis, hepatitis "b,"

hepatitis "c"--

00:06:23,384 --> 00:06:24,760

the list goes on and on.

00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:26,136

These are

serious diseases!

00:06:26,261 --> 00:06:28,055

They have serious

consequences!

00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:30,099

You think that sex is about

fun and games and love.

00:06:30,224 --> 00:06:31,850

Wrong!

Sex is about disease.

00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:34,019

Here's a little picture

of herpes.

00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:35,229

[all scream]

00:06:35,354 --> 00:06:36,438

And here's a little

syphilis for ya.

00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:38,399

[all scream]

That's right, girls.

00:06:38,524 --> 00:06:40,776

Here's what happens when you

don't get boys to use condoms.

00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,319

Hello, there, children.

00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:43,695

All: Hey, Chef.

00:06:43,821 --> 00:06:45,280

How is sexual

education class going?

00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:47,157

it's dumb; Mr. Mackey

doesn't teach us nothin'.

00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:48,742

Yeah, I don't think

ol' Mackey

00:06:48,867 --> 00:06:50,786

knows a hymen

from a hysterectomy.

00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,204

And Choksondik,

I'd be surprised

00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:54,832

if she's ever gotten

laid in her life.

00:06:54,957 --> 00:06:57,167

Yeah.

- Chef, what's "laid"?

00:06:57,292 --> 00:06:58,961

Oh, nothing.

00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:01,422

Now, move along, children.

You're holding up the line.

00:07:01,547 --> 00:07:03,006

Hey, maybe

we should ask the girls

00:07:03,132 --> 00:07:04,133

what they learned

in Sex Ed.

00:07:04,258 --> 00:07:05,217

Yeah.

00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:06,135

Hey, Wendy,

did you guys get--

00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:08,053

[all scream]

00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:10,973

What the hell is

wrong with them?

00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:12,099

You guys,

we just want to know--

00:07:12,224 --> 00:07:13,809

Aah!

- Stay away from me, Stan!

00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,269

Why?

Are you wearing a condom?

00:07:15,394 --> 00:07:17,396

A what?

- Aah!

00:07:17,521 --> 00:07:18,856

Do any of you have

your condoms on?

00:07:18,981 --> 00:07:20,357

No.

[all scream]

00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:22,151

Don't you know that

without wearing a condom,

00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:23,152

you could

get a disease?

00:07:23,277 --> 00:07:24,903

Nah-ah.

- Yeah-huh.

00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:26,321

If you don't wear a condom,

you're gonna get AIDS.

00:07:26,447 --> 00:07:28,157

AIDS?

00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:29,825

Oh, jeez, I don't wanna

get the AIDS, fellas.

00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:31,034

Is that what you learned

in Sex Ed?

00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:32,995

Mr. Mackey didn't say

nothing about that.

00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,788

Dude, Mr. Mackey didn't know

anything about anything.

00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:35,956

You guys have to wear

condoms.

00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:38,167

Now, please, just--

just go away.

00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:39,460

We don't want your AIDS.

00:07:39,585 --> 00:07:40,752

But, Wendy, we don't

understand how--

00:07:40,878 --> 00:07:44,089

[girls screaming]

00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:45,215

Oh my God, dude.

00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:46,467

What are we

gonna do, huh?

00:07:46,592 --> 00:07:47,926

Dude, we got to go get

condoms quick.

00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:49,094

All: Yeah.

00:07:58,937 --> 00:08:00,022

Can I help you boys?

00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:01,440

Yeah, we need

condoms.

00:08:01,565 --> 00:08:02,941

Condoms?

00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,943

Yeah, quick.

00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:06,528

How old

are you boys?

00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:07,613

Why does that matter?

00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:09,114

I'll be nine

next week.

00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:11,617

Sorry, kids, I'm not

selling you condoms.

00:08:11,742 --> 00:08:13,118

Why not? You want us

to get AIDS?

00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:15,120

I just don't think that

kids your age should be--

00:08:15,245 --> 00:08:16,997

Mark, we have to be willing

to supply condoms

00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:18,415

to anyone

who requests them.

00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:20,542

But they're children!

00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:22,085

Would you rather them

do it unprotected?

00:08:22,211 --> 00:08:23,837

Yeah, you want us

unprotected, you asshole?

00:08:23,962 --> 00:08:26,089

I just think that all this

Sex Ed and condom talk

00:08:26,215 --> 00:08:27,633

in elementary school

is wrong.

00:08:27,758 --> 00:08:29,092

Kids are going to do

what they do,

00:08:29,218 --> 00:08:31,094

and it's up to us to make sure

they're protected.

00:08:31,220 --> 00:08:32,679

I'm glad this lady's

on our side.

00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:34,097

I don't think we have any

that will even fit them.

00:08:34,223 --> 00:08:35,807

Sure, we do.

00:08:35,933 --> 00:08:37,392

We just got in the new

Gladiators for kids,

00:08:37,518 --> 00:08:38,810

Lil Mini's.

00:08:38,936 --> 00:08:40,729

They're specially designed

for kids under 10,

00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,481

and they're only $5.95

for a box of 50.

00:08:42,606 --> 00:08:43,815

50?

00:08:43,941 --> 00:08:45,484

Can't we just use

the same one every day?

00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:47,110

No, you have to change it.

00:08:47,236 --> 00:08:48,820

Oh, jeez, we're gonna have

to buy tons of these things.

00:08:50,781 --> 00:08:53,700

Thanks so much for letting me

come over, Miss Choksondik.

00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:54,826

Oh, it's no problem,

Mr. Mackey.

00:08:54,952 --> 00:08:55,994

It's probably best

we come up

00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:57,996

with a lesson plan

together anyway.

00:08:58,121 --> 00:09:00,040

yeah, I've already gone over

most of the basics, you know,

00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:02,000

with the boys,

but I, uh,

00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:04,503

just wanted to see what else

you were teaching the girls

00:09:04,628 --> 00:09:06,088

in case

I missed anything.

00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:07,631

We should make sure

our students

00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:09,007

are good and scared

of the consequences.

00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:10,968

We have to teach them

that diseases are possible,

00:09:11,093 --> 00:09:12,511

even with just oral sex.

00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:15,931

Right, oral sex,

which of course would be...

00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:18,517

using your mouth

on the penis or vagina.

00:09:18,642 --> 00:09:21,103

Penis or vagina, right.

Oral sex, m'kay.

00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:23,480

It's just too bad these girls

are having sex so young.

00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:24,481

Yeah...did you?

00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:26,024

Did I what?

00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:30,112

Well, how long did you wait

before you had, uh, doobers?

00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:33,031

Well, if you must know,

I'm still somewhat of a virgin.

00:09:33,156 --> 00:09:35,409

But I'm not

ashamed of it!

00:09:35,534 --> 00:09:38,161

I wasn't really sought after

much in high school or college.

00:09:38,287 --> 00:09:41,206

I was made fun of most my life

for having such large glasses.

00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:42,916

The only boyfriend

I ever had

00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:45,460

was this attractive, popular

boy named Steven Garret.

00:09:45,586 --> 00:09:48,046

I liked him very much, but

I found out he was dating me

00:09:48,171 --> 00:09:50,048

because he had lost a bet

on the Super Bowl.

00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:51,675

Loser had to go out with me

for three days.

00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:52,884

Oh, I'm sorry.

00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:54,553

People can be

very cruel.

00:09:54,678 --> 00:09:55,929

Anyway, I know

it's hard to understand.

00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:58,557

Actually, I understand

perfectly.

00:09:58,682 --> 00:10:01,059

I wasn't exactly the captain

of the football team either.

00:10:01,184 --> 00:10:02,894

[chortles]

00:10:03,020 --> 00:10:04,896

And then as I got older,

00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:07,899

my head just sort of

seemed to get bigger

00:10:08,025 --> 00:10:09,985

while the rest of my body

stayed the same.

00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,862

That's how I got

my nickname in college.

00:10:11,987 --> 00:10:13,071

Your nickname?

00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:14,906

"That guy

with the really big head."

00:10:15,032 --> 00:10:16,575

Right.

00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:19,036

Anyway, I sort of

lost any confidence

00:10:19,161 --> 00:10:22,122

and found it impossible

to ever ask a woman out.

00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:24,750

Wow, I've never met a man

00:10:24,875 --> 00:10:27,919

who was as sexually

unappealing as me.

00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:30,714

Neither have I.

00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:31,965

Well, I'm quite happy

without sex.

00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:33,967

I mean, with all the diseases

and problems out there,

00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:34,968

who needs it, right?

00:10:35,093 --> 00:10:37,512

Not me.

M'kay.

00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:38,764

Well, back to

the lesson plan, then.

00:10:38,889 --> 00:10:42,184

Right.

- Okay, oral sex.

00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,810

Doesn't it give

any other directions?

00:10:43,935 --> 00:10:45,437

No, it looks like

00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,606

you're just supposed to roll it

over your wiener.

00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:49,858

"If used properly,

latex condoms are effective

00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:52,944

against pregnancy, AIDS,

and other 'STDses'."

00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:54,613

What are "STDses"?

00:10:54,738 --> 00:10:56,782

How the heck

should I know?

00:10:56,907 --> 00:10:59,201

Why, it's just

a little doughnut.

00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:01,119

Oh, it's all gooey.

00:11:01,244 --> 00:11:02,579

Just put it on,

Butters.

00:11:02,704 --> 00:11:04,456

How come

I got to go first?

00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:06,625

Butters, will you stop...

filibustering?

00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:08,168

Alright, then.

00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:12,464

Oh, it's sticky.

00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:14,466

It says you got to check it

for holes or tears.

00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:16,134

I don't even understand

how this thing--

00:11:16,259 --> 00:11:17,886

Oh, wait, oh, I see.

00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,680

Don't look at Butters'

schlong, gaymo!

00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:20,806

I wasn't looking

at his schlong.

00:11:20,931 --> 00:11:22,474

I was seeing how to put

the condom on!

00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:23,642

Sure.

- But it won't stay on.

00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:25,018

I need a rubber band

or something.

00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:27,521

I've got

rubber bands!

00:11:27,646 --> 00:11:30,232

Ow, oh, ow!

Okay, ow!

00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:32,484

There, okay,

I think it's on.

00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:34,569

How do you feel?

- Pretty good.

00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:36,029

Do you feel

protected?

00:11:36,154 --> 00:11:38,156

Nothing's getting at my wiener

through this thing.

00:11:38,281 --> 00:11:39,741

It's even got a little

reservoir at the end

00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:40,742

so you can pee in it.

00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:41,910

Alright,

here, everybody.

00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:43,578

Tweek, give everyone

a rubber band.

00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:44,871

Hey, somebody's got to help

Timmy put his condom on.

00:11:44,996 --> 00:11:45,706

Timmy!

00:11:47,708 --> 00:11:49,835

Teachers,

I have some bad news.

00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,671

Last night, I received a phone

call from the local pharmacist.

00:11:52,796 --> 00:11:55,882

Apparently, almost all of our

4th graders are sexually active.

00:11:56,007 --> 00:11:57,509

And now that we've

scared them a little,

00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,010

they're buying

condoms to use.

00:11:59,136 --> 00:12:00,846

I knew it.

00:12:00,971 --> 00:12:02,848

At least we scared them

enough to protect themselves.

00:12:02,973 --> 00:12:04,933

But now maybe you'll believe me

when I say that we need to be

00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:07,185

teaching even younger

than 4th grade.

00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:08,979

but how old do you think

a student should be

00:12:09,104 --> 00:12:10,981

when they learn

about proper condom use?

00:12:11,106 --> 00:12:12,482

Kindergarten.

00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:13,692

Kindergarten?

00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:15,026

We've got to get

to the students

00:12:15,152 --> 00:12:17,946

before they start

having...sex,

00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:19,865

Not after.

00:12:19,990 --> 00:12:21,867

Oh, now this is

getting ridiculous.

00:12:21,992 --> 00:12:23,201

I have to agree

with Miss Choksondik.

00:12:23,326 --> 00:12:25,871

It's our responsibility

to make sure our kids are safe

00:12:25,996 --> 00:12:27,706

If they're gonna

screw around.

00:12:27,831 --> 00:12:29,583

I guess we have

no choice.

00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:31,752

[school bell rings]

00:12:31,877 --> 00:12:34,296

Okay, children, who can

tell me what a condom is?

00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:38,633

Yes, Jenny.

00:12:38,759 --> 00:12:40,969

it flies around,

and it's endangered.

00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:43,597

That's a condor,

Jenny, condor.

00:12:43,722 --> 00:12:47,017

Condoms are what we use to stop

the spread of STDs.

00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:48,727

Yes, Filmore?

00:12:48,852 --> 00:12:49,978

Can we do

finger paints?

00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,813

No, we can't do

finger paints!

00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,940

You kids want to get

herpes, huh?

00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:56,485

How about a nice bucket

of AIDS? Sound good?

00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:58,737

Now pay attention,

alright?

00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:02,199

I'm going to show you the proper

way to put on a condom.

00:13:02,324 --> 00:13:05,660

First of all, you remove

the condom from its package.

00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:08,580

Then you find which way

the condom rolls out.

00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:12,667

Put it in your mouth

and apply.

00:13:17,005 --> 00:13:19,758

[sobbing]

Ahhh, ahh!

00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:22,886

And it's as simple as that.

Any questions?

00:13:23,011 --> 00:13:24,763

Alright, girls,

yesterday we went over

00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:26,765

the myriad of diseases

you can get from boys.

00:13:26,890 --> 00:13:28,058

But today we're

going to talk about

00:13:28,183 --> 00:13:30,894

the most horrible disease

they can give you of all.

00:13:31,019 --> 00:13:33,146

Pregnancy!

00:13:33,271 --> 00:13:36,525

That's right, since you girls

decided to be sexually active,

00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:38,401

teen pregnancy

is at an all-time high.

00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:40,779

You seem to think it's gonna be

fun and neat to have a baby.

00:13:40,904 --> 00:13:44,115

Well, let's watch

a little video, shall we?

00:13:44,241 --> 00:13:47,744

Strikie Smalls presents

The Miracle of Childbirth.

00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:49,746

The time is drawing close

for delivery.

00:13:49,871 --> 00:13:50,956

Here we can see

the water breaking.

00:13:51,081 --> 00:13:52,874

All: Eww!

00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,835

Later, the contractions are

happening closer together.

00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:56,670

Mom sure is

in a lot of pain.

00:13:56,795 --> 00:13:58,839

Now we can see the crown

of the baby's head

00:13:58,964 --> 00:14:00,465

stretching

the vaginal walls

00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:02,843

in ways never before

thought possible by Mom.

00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:05,720

Finally, the miracle happens,

and the baby is born.

00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:07,180

But Mom's not done yet.

00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:09,599

She's still got some afterbirth

to push out of her.

00:14:09,724 --> 00:14:12,978

All: Aaah!!

00:14:13,103 --> 00:14:14,145

That's right.

00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:16,898

Girls, girls,

where are you going?

00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:28,827

[school bell rings]

00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:30,579

Man, this condom is

driving me crazy.

00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:32,372

Yeah, I've changed mine

three times already

00:14:32,497 --> 00:14:33,748

'cause it itches so much.

00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:35,625

Yeah, but it makes going

to the bathroom easier.

00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:41,089

Alright, boys, I now have

all the information I need

00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:43,758

to teach you

the female anatomy, m'kay?

00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:47,554

M'kay, this part here

is the vaginal opening.

00:14:47,679 --> 00:14:48,847

This is where

the man puts his--

00:14:48,972 --> 00:14:50,015

Eric, what the hell

are you doing?

00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:51,182

I'm putting on

a new condom.

00:14:51,308 --> 00:14:52,309

I filled

the other one up.

00:14:52,434 --> 00:14:53,685

Why are you

wearing a condom?

00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:55,186

So I don't get AIDS.

00:14:55,312 --> 00:14:57,147

Eric, you can't get AIDS

from just sitting around.

00:14:57,272 --> 00:14:58,607

You have to get it

from sex.

00:14:58,732 --> 00:14:59,858

From sex?

- Yes.

00:14:59,983 --> 00:15:01,276

You mean intercourse

with a girl?

00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:03,778

Yes! Now, will you all

pay attention, please?

00:15:03,904 --> 00:15:05,280

The vagina

and the clitoris are on...

00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,532

All this time, it's the girls

that give us diseases.

00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:08,742

I knew it.

Girls lie!

00:15:08,867 --> 00:15:10,869

They lie

right to your face!

00:15:10,994 --> 00:15:13,204

Now, here we can see

the interior female anatomy.

00:15:13,330 --> 00:15:14,706

Well, that does it.

00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:15,707

If us boys

are going to live,

00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:17,709

we have to get rid

of the girls.

00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:19,210

Yeah, come on, guys.

This is war.

00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:20,879

Yeah.

- Come on!

00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:30,096

And here we see

the tender, magical uterus.

00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:32,933

Here we see

the enticing, voluptuous

00:15:33,058 --> 00:15:35,936

fallopian tubes, m'kay?

00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:37,812

Okay, children,

now I want to review

00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:40,023

the different

sexual positions.

00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:42,734

Who can tell me which sexual

positions we talked about?

00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:44,736

Missionary position?

00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:46,196

Missionary position, good.

00:15:46,321 --> 00:15:47,572

A little boring

but tried and true.

00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:48,573

What else?

00:15:48,698 --> 00:15:50,116

Doggie?

00:15:50,241 --> 00:15:52,202

That's right, Doggie Style

we went over, mm-hmm.

00:15:52,327 --> 00:15:54,162

Pile driver?

00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:56,247

Uh-huh, Pile Driver position.

Good, Quake.

00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:58,959

The Filthy Sanchez?

00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:01,252

Yes, good, Flora, you

remembered the Filthy Sanchez.

00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:03,213

Hot Karl?

00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:06,174

Yes, you can give your partner

the old Hot Karl, sure.

00:16:12,097 --> 00:16:13,765

There, you see?

00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:16,935

The girls have built some kind

of stronghold to keep us out.

00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:18,103

Stay away from us, bastards!

00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:19,980

We don't want to get pregnant!

00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:22,691

Yeah, just take your diseases

and go away forever.

00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:24,526

Ha!

They're your diseases.

00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,236

Yeah!

You get out of town.

00:16:26,361 --> 00:16:27,737

Here, talk to them,

Butters.

00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:29,698

Me? What the heck am I

supposed to say?

00:16:29,823 --> 00:16:31,533

Just tell them if they

leave town peacefully,

00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:34,619

we won't have to resort

to violence.

00:16:34,744 --> 00:16:36,079

[in gruff adult voice]

Just walk away.

00:16:36,204 --> 00:16:38,707

You can put a stop

to all this.

00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:42,085

Just walk away,

and we will spare your lives.

00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:43,795

Just walk away.

00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,088

He's pretty good.

00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:47,048

We'll never walk away!

Never!

00:16:53,138 --> 00:16:54,597

Oh, bitch!

00:16:54,723 --> 00:16:56,182

That does it!

Attack!

00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:57,976

[all shouting]

00:16:58,101 --> 00:17:01,229

M'kay, so apparently,

the lesson plan tomorrow

00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:05,734

is supposed to involve secretion

of bodily fluids, m'kay.

00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:07,235

I've already gone through

that with the girls.

00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,278

It's pretty simple.

00:17:08,403 --> 00:17:09,279

Do you want

a drink?

00:17:09,404 --> 00:17:11,156

Why, sure.

00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:15,160

Yeah, I think I can get through

that stuff pretty quick.

00:17:15,285 --> 00:17:18,496

Ah, maybe we should come up

with another lesson plan.

00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:19,748

Something about

how nerve endings

00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:21,499

play an important part

in intercourse.

00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:22,959

Oh, right, right.

00:17:23,084 --> 00:17:26,796

Like...

In the...nipples.

00:17:26,921 --> 00:17:31,009

or the...

shaft of the penis.

00:17:31,134 --> 00:17:35,764

It says here that

the, uh, head of the penis

00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:39,726

is actually the most

sensitive part, m'kay.

00:17:39,851 --> 00:17:41,686

Oh, yes, the nerve endings

are the most concentrated

00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:43,855

at the tip of the penis,

00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:47,317

like they are

in the clitoris of the woman.

00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:50,904

And these are the two areas

most important to...

00:17:51,029 --> 00:17:53,782

sexual stimulation.

00:17:56,367 --> 00:17:57,869

Oh, is this wrong?

00:17:57,994 --> 00:18:00,580

I don't know.

It doesn't feel wrong.

00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:05,877

I've been thinking about you

a lot, Miss Choksondik.

00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:08,046

Yeah, what do you do

when you think about me?

00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:09,130

I go crazy.

00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:10,131

Do you touch yourself?

00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:11,216

Yeah.

00:18:11,341 --> 00:18:12,759

Mmm.

00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:44,707

[moaning]

00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:46,751

Ah, m'kay.

00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:48,920

Oh, my gosh. Oh, God.

Stop, stop!

00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:50,255

What's wrong?

00:18:50,380 --> 00:18:51,673

It's your turn.

00:18:53,925 --> 00:18:56,261

Oh, oh,

Miss Choksondik.

00:18:56,386 --> 00:18:58,638

M'kay, m'kay!

00:18:58,763 --> 00:18:59,848

Do you want me?

- I do.

00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:03,184

Tell me.

- I want you, m'kay.

00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:04,644

Wait, wait, wait!

00:19:04,769 --> 00:19:06,271

Do you have

a condom?

00:19:06,396 --> 00:19:08,731

Well, no.

00:19:08,857 --> 00:19:10,650

Oh, well.

Fuck it.

00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:11,943

Oh God.

Give it to me.

00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:14,070

Oh, yeah.

00:19:14,195 --> 00:19:16,781

Oh, oh, that's it, baby.

That's it.

00:19:16,906 --> 00:19:18,658

Oh, it feels

so good, m'kay.

00:19:18,783 --> 00:19:20,285

[shouting]

00:19:32,255 --> 00:19:34,132

[screaming]

00:19:34,257 --> 00:19:36,009

[rumbling explosion]

00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:40,221

What the hell

was that?

00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:41,681

Did you feel

something?

00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:45,268

Oh no.

00:19:47,312 --> 00:19:49,063

Jesus Christ!

00:19:52,817 --> 00:19:54,652

Ooh, Butters,

you're in big trouble now.

00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:59,657

[siren wailing]

00:19:59,782 --> 00:20:01,409

Well, I don't know

what got into you kids.

00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:02,911

You should be ashamed

of yourselves.

00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:04,871

We just didn't want

the girls giving us diseases.

00:20:04,996 --> 00:20:06,581

I'm afraid this is

all my fault.

00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,875

I think I went a little

overboard scaring the girls.

00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,419

I forgot to tell them

that to get diseases from boys,

00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:13,338

you have to have sex

with them first.

00:20:13,463 --> 00:20:14,339

Kids: Oh.

00:20:14,464 --> 00:20:15,590

Well, I hate to say it,

00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,759

but you all got

what you deserve.

00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,427

All: Huh?

00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:21,095

Look, schools are teaching

condom use

00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:22,972

to younger and younger

students each day.

00:20:23,097 --> 00:20:24,807

But sex isn't something

that should be taught

00:20:24,933 --> 00:20:26,517

in textbooks and diagrams.

00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:29,354

Sex is emotional

and spiritual.

00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:30,647

It needs to be taught

by family.

00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:32,690

I know it can be hard,

parents,

00:20:32,815 --> 00:20:35,401

but if you leave it up to the

schools to teach sex to kids,

00:20:35,526 --> 00:20:36,945

you don't know who

they're learning it from.

00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:39,322

It could be someone

who doesn't know,

00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:41,282

someone who has

a bad opinion of it,

00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:43,451

or even a complete pervert.

00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,703

What? Why did you

pan to me just now?

00:20:45,828 --> 00:20:47,288

What the hell's that

supposed to mean?

00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:48,706

He's right,

I never knew

00:20:48,831 --> 00:20:52,919

how special and personal sex was

until just recently.

00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:54,462

This whole mess started

00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:55,922

because we couldn't talk

to our boy ourselves.

00:20:56,047 --> 00:20:58,383

It's easier to just leave it

up to the school,

00:20:58,508 --> 00:21:00,385

but it's just not

a school subject.

00:21:00,510 --> 00:21:02,303

Then it's decided; no more

condom classes in grade school.

00:21:02,428 --> 00:21:03,972

Kids: Hooray!

00:21:04,097 --> 00:21:06,641

But, Chef, when is the right

age for us to start having sex?

00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:08,351

It's very simple,

children.

00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:11,062

The right time to start

having sex is...

00:21:11,187 --> 00:21:12,355

17.

00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,482

17?

17.

00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,401

So you mean 17,

as long as you're in love?

00:21:16,526 --> 00:21:17,902

Nope, just 17.

00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:19,904

But what if

you're not ready at 17?

00:21:20,029 --> 00:21:22,031

17, you're ready.

00:21:22,156 --> 00:21:23,700

Well, I guess we got

a while to wait

00:21:23,825 --> 00:21:25,493

before we worry about sex

and diseases, huh, Wendy?

00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:26,869

Yeah, thank God.

00:21:26,995 --> 00:21:28,496

Well, I guess now that

that's out of the way,

00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:29,414

we can get on

with our lives.

00:21:29,539 --> 00:21:30,915

Come here, boy.

00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:32,709

That's it, Red Rocket,

Red Rocket, come on, yeah.

00:21:32,834 --> 00:21:33,710

Come on,

Red Rocket, dog.

00:21:33,835 --> 00:21:34,919

Red Rocket now.

00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:39,465

Okay, children, so what other

sexual positions

00:21:39,590 --> 00:21:40,925

did we talk about?

00:21:41,050 --> 00:21:44,345

Yeah, the Wrap-around Butt Grab.

Sure, can't forget that.

00:21:44,470 --> 00:21:46,431

Uh-huh, Reverse Cowgirl.

Good, Kevin.

00:21:46,556 --> 00:21:48,850

Hot Lunch?

Yeah, she likes that.

00:21:48,975 --> 00:21:51,269

Donkey Punch, uh-huh.

00:21:51,394 --> 00:21:53,688

Glass Bottom Boat.

Good one, yes.

00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:56,024

Fish Eye,

good, Jenny.

00:21:56,149 --> 00:21:58,568

Chili Dog, mm-hmm.