Терренс и Филлип: обратная сторона успеха

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♪ Gonna have myself

a time ♪

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♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

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♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

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♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

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♪ Gonna leave

my woes behind ♪

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♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

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♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

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♪ Headin' on up

to South Park ♪

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♪ Gonna see

if I can't unwind ♪

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♪ Come on down

to South Park ♪

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♪ And meet

some friends of mine ♪

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And so, in her career

filled with lies, back-stabbing

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and whoring herself

for money,

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she learned that

the price of fame can be

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pleasing 65 men at once

in a dark, dirty alley.

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And so ends Punky Brewster:

Behind the Blow.

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Whoa,

bummer, dude.

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Okay, dude,

it's 3:30.

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It's time for

The Terrance and Phillip Show.

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Yay!

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Excuse me, buddy.

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Why, did you fart?

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Oh no!

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Oh, man,

this is another rerun.

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Are you sure?

I haven't seen it.

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Yeah, fatass, this is their

famous mechanic sketch.

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I'm looking

for a mechanic.

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Can you tell me how

to get to the auto garage?

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Sure, buddy, all you need

to do is go down to the--

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and that's how you--

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"get to the auto garage."

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Could you tell me

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how to get to the auto

garage without farting?

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Sure, you go the same way--

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"except stick your finger

up your ass."

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No, no, no.

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I mean could you tell me

the directions again

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without you farting?

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Oh, sure.

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Just stick your finger

up my ass.

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Alright,

no problem, buddy.

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Now tell me how do I get to the

auto garage to see a mechanic?

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You're at the auto garage.

I am the mechanic.

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Why the heck didn't you tell

me you were the mechanic?

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"Because I had

an itch up my ass."

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Because I had

an itch up my ass.

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Terrance and Phillip

will be right back...

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after these messages.

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When are they gonna

make new ones?

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Hey, kids, don't miss

the greatest event of the year.

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This Thursday night

at the Denver Coliseum,

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see Terrance and Phillip live

and in person.

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What's this?

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One night and one night only,

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see all your favorite

Terrance and Phillip bits live.

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Oh my God!

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You guys,

you guys!

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I know, I know.

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To order tickets,

call Ticket Slave now!

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Write the number down!

Write the number down!

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Dude, did you get 'em?

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I got 'em.

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Four tickets, 68th row

to Terrance and Phillip.

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I waited in line

since 3:00 this morning.

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Awesome,

give me mine.

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Wow, you guys are gonna see

Terrance and Phillip live?

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Yup, tomorrow night.

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Alright, children,

let's settle down.

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As you know,

this coming Friday is Earth Day,

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and I'm pleased to announce

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that the national Earth Day

organization

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has chosen South Park

as its location

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for the Earth Day

Brainwashing Festival.

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Oh!

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The heads of the Earth Day

Brainwashing Organization

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are here to tell you

all about it.

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Hello, children,

I know you're all very excited

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about having the Earth Day

Brainwashing Festival

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put on in your town.

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You care very much

about the Earth, don't you?

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yes.

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Good, because

it's up to all of you

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to get lots of people to come

and make it look great.

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The festival is on Friday,

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so we'll start getting it ready

tomorrow night.

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What?

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We've all gotta

pitch in.

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I'm sorry, but the four of us

can't help tomorrow night.

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Yeah!

Yeah!

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You...what?

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We got tickets to see

Terrance and Phillip live

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in Denver tomorrow night.

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We paid 40 bucks a piece

for them.

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And Terrance and Phillip

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are more important than

Mother Earth?

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Well, yeah, dude.

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You don't care about

Terrance and Phillip.

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Nothing matters more than

saving the planet

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from Republicans.

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You don't need to see

Terrance and Phillip.

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No, dude,

we really, really do.

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Their will is strong.

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Boys, I'm sorry, but nothing's

more important than Earth Day.

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Uh, but that's why

we're going.

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Huh?

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See, we're the official

presidents

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of the Terrance

and Phillip Fan Club

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and we're going

to see them tomorrow

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'cause we can get them

to perform

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at the Earth Day festival.

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You can get Terrance

and Phillip to perform?

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That would be great.

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Terrance and Phillip would

draw huge ratings

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from children

all over the country.

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Very well, kids, we'll work on

getting the event ready here

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and you go get

Terrance and Phillip.

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Alright!

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But I warn you,

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you better not promise things

to Earth Day people

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that you can't deliver.

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Earth Day people can be

very unforgiving.

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Heh-heh, no problem,

no problem.

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Ladies and gentlemen...

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put your hands together

for Terrance!

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Hello, Denver!

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Wow, dude,

Terrance got really fat.

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Yeah, he looks terrible.

00:04:17,258 --> 00:04:19,134

How are you all feeling

tonight, pretty good?

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Uh-oh.

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Hey, do you all

remember this one?

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"Doctor, doctor,

I think I cracked my ass."

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Phillip,

"let me take a look."

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"Look closer."

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Uh...

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where the hell

is Phillip?

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Phillip, Phillip!

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Phillip, Phillip,

Phillip, Phillip!

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And now, for some classic

Terrance and Phillip comedy.

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Hello, Terrance.

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Hello, Phillip.

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Phillip?

That's not Phillip.

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Say, Phillip,

I have a question for you.

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Okay, shoot.

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Dude, what the hell

is going on?

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Why'd they

replace Phillip?

00:04:53,752 --> 00:04:55,379

I think this

new guy's funny.

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And now here's a classic

Terrance and Phillip sketch

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that I wrote back in '62.

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Excuse me, sir,

do you know who farted?

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He sure did.

00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:03,762

What's the person's name?

00:05:03,887 --> 00:05:05,055

Who.

- The guy that farted?

00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:06,682

Who?

- The person that passed gas.

00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,350

Who passed gas?

00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:09,435

Now, why you

askin' me?

00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:10,519

That's the man's name.

00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:11,645

That's whose name?

00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:12,938

Yes!

00:05:13,063 --> 00:05:14,606

Something very terrible

has happened

00:05:14,732 --> 00:05:15,941

in the world

of Terrance and Phillip

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and we've got to

find out what.

00:05:17,735 --> 00:05:19,862

Look, buddy, all I'm trying

to find out is,

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what's the guy's name

that farted?

00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:22,865

What's the guy that

drank his own urine?

00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:23,991

Who?

00:05:27,119 --> 00:05:28,662

Come on, guys, we're getting

to the bottom of this.

00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:29,955

Excuse us.

00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:31,457

Where do you think

you're goin'?

00:05:31,582 --> 00:05:33,125

We have to talk to Terrance.

- Yeah, right.

00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:34,501

It's okay,

we're the Official Presidents

00:05:34,626 --> 00:05:35,502

of the Terrance

and Phillip Fan Club.

00:05:35,627 --> 00:05:37,629

Then get in the

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"Official President of Terrance

and Phillip Fan Club" line.

00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:44,303

Oh, dude.

Gay.

00:05:44,428 --> 00:05:45,637

You don't understand,

00:05:45,763 --> 00:05:47,473

we saved Terrance

and Phillip's lives once.

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You and about a thousand other

people at one time or another.

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Now get outta my face.

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Redneck!

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Man, this sucks.

00:05:53,771 --> 00:05:55,105

Are you guys official

presidents too?

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Don't talk to us, kid.

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Hey, look at that line,

it's way shorter.

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I don't think we're female

groupies or random sluts.

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Kenny's a random slut.

00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:03,614

Well, maybe we can sneak in

over there, come on.

00:06:03,739 --> 00:06:04,948

Shh.

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Mmm, mmm, yummy.

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It was so great

meeting you.

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I feel like we really

shared something.

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We sure did, Betty.

00:06:14,291 --> 00:06:15,542

Next!

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Hello, Terrance,

I'm such a huge fan.

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You're a huge fan,

alright.

00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,258

Could I just have you

sign my breasts?

00:06:23,384 --> 00:06:24,676

What do I get in return?

00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:26,011

Whatever you want.

00:06:26,136 --> 00:06:28,013

Oh, yeah,

oh, that's good, baby.

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Oh, Terrance, I love you.

I love you.

00:06:29,473 --> 00:06:32,017

I love you.

I love you.

00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:33,727

Man, it smells

down there.

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Jesus Christ,

that was fast.

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Well, what should we name it,

how 'bout Jerry?

00:06:36,772 --> 00:06:37,898

What the hell?

00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:38,982

Oh, wow,

we had quadruplets.

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Aah!

00:06:40,442 --> 00:06:41,860

We're not quadruplets,

Terrance.

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We snuck in that woman's

spandex to get in here.

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Oh, thank God.

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The last thing I need

is more kids.

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What do you want,

an autograph or something?

00:06:47,699 --> 00:06:49,159

No, it's more important

than that.

00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:50,953

Our school is putting on

a big show for Earth Day

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and we promised people

we could get you to perform.

00:06:52,830 --> 00:06:54,206

Earth Day, huh?

00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:55,082

That sounds like

a very noble cause.

00:06:55,207 --> 00:06:56,250

How much does it pay?

00:06:56,375 --> 00:06:58,460

But where's Phillip?

- Who?

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Phillip, your partner.

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Why is it that every time

somebody sees me,

00:07:01,463 --> 00:07:02,923

they have to say,

"hey, where's Phillip?"

00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:04,466

Like we're freakin' married

or something.

00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:06,635

Y'know, I'll let you tater tots

in on a little secret.

00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,429

Phillip is a hack.

00:07:08,554 --> 00:07:10,389

You know who wrote all

the Terrance and Phillip stuff?

00:07:10,514 --> 00:07:12,808

Me. Phillip never did anything

but read his lines.

00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,102

But the guy that

replaced him sucks.

00:07:15,227 --> 00:07:17,563

I know.

I know he sucks.

00:07:17,688 --> 00:07:20,315

To be honest, things haven't

been going so well lately.

00:07:20,441 --> 00:07:21,733

I'm not making any money

00:07:21,859 --> 00:07:23,193

because everyone

wants to see Phillip.

00:07:23,318 --> 00:07:24,361

Why?

00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:25,821

What the hell

does Phillip do?

00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,448

Because, dude,

it's "Terrance and Phillip."

00:07:27,573 --> 00:07:28,740

Ugh, whatever.

00:07:28,866 --> 00:07:30,534

The point is,

Phillip and I are through

00:07:30,659 --> 00:07:33,078

and apparently so is the act

and so is the money.

00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:35,247

What if we can get Phillip

to agree to get back together?

00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:36,790

Will you do

the Earth Day show for us?

00:07:36,915 --> 00:07:38,834

Ha, good luck

getting Phillip.

00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,669

He left because he wanted

to do "more serious stuff."

00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,504

The last I heard

00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:43,922

he was doing Canadian

Shakespeare in Toronto.

00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:45,632

Toronto?

00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:47,050

But we promised the Earth Day

people you'd perform.

00:07:47,176 --> 00:07:48,844

Well, in that case,

00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:50,971

I'd say you four boys are up

fart creek without a paddle.

00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:57,311

Work, work, children.

00:07:57,436 --> 00:08:00,314

We only have two more days

until Earth Day, work!

00:08:00,439 --> 00:08:02,566

Uh, excuse me,

my daddy is a geologist

00:08:02,691 --> 00:08:04,526

and he says there actually

isn't any concrete evidence

00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:06,111

of global warming.

00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:07,446

That's not true.

00:08:07,571 --> 00:08:09,448

Global warming

is going to kill us all.

00:08:09,573 --> 00:08:11,783

The Republicans

are responsible.

00:08:11,909 --> 00:08:13,410

Thank you.

00:08:18,332 --> 00:08:19,708

Oh no, dude.

00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,084

Oh, there you are boys.

00:08:21,210 --> 00:08:22,794

I need Terrance

and Phillip's information

00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:24,963

so I can tell them

their schedule.

00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:27,049

Uh, we didn't get them.

- You what?

00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:28,425

They're not together

anymore, dude.

00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:29,968

You better be joking.

00:08:30,093 --> 00:08:31,220

We've already announced

their participation.

00:08:31,345 --> 00:08:32,846

Look, we could

probably get Terrance,

00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:34,306

but he'll be performing

with this other guy.

00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:36,141

You promised us

Terrance and Phillip.

00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:38,477

We, therefore, promised

the world Terrance and Phillip.

00:08:38,602 --> 00:08:40,562

You will get us

Terrance and Phillip or else.

00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,022

But there's nothing

we can do.

00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:43,732

Phillip is doing

Shakespeare in Canada now.

00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:46,318

Then you better get your asses

to Canada and get him.

00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:47,945

We'll make travel arrangements.

00:08:48,070 --> 00:08:50,489

Nothing is more important

than the environment, boys,

00:08:50,614 --> 00:08:52,866

Not even your lives.

00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:55,494

Well, guys,

I guess we're going to Canada.

00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:56,370

Sweet.

00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,168

Ugh!

Ah!

00:09:06,922 --> 00:09:07,839

Part them,

they are incensed.

00:09:07,965 --> 00:09:09,091

Nay, come again.

00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:10,551

Look to the queen

there, buddy.

00:09:10,676 --> 00:09:12,094

They bleed on both sides,

how is it, my Lord?

00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:13,679

How is it, Laertes?

00:09:13,804 --> 00:09:15,013

Why, as a woodcock

to mine own springe, Osric,

00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:16,723

I am justly killed with

my own treachery.

00:09:16,848 --> 00:09:18,183

How does the queen?

00:09:18,308 --> 00:09:19,101

Hey, guy,

she swoons to see them bleed.

00:09:21,645 --> 00:09:23,230

Oh, my dear, Hamlet,

I am poisoned.

00:09:23,355 --> 00:09:25,941

Oh, villainy,

ho, let the door be locked.

00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,526

Treachery, seek it out.

00:09:27,651 --> 00:09:29,778

It is here, Hamlet.

Hamlet, thou art slain.

00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,405

No medicine in the world

can do thee good.

00:09:31,530 --> 00:09:33,240

In thee there is not

half an hour of life.

00:09:33,365 --> 00:09:34,658

The treacherous instrument

is in thy hand,

00:09:34,783 --> 00:09:36,285

unbated and envenomed.

00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:38,078

The foul practice

hath turned itself on me.

00:09:38,203 --> 00:09:40,122

Lo, here I lie

never to rise again.

00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:42,332

Thy mother's poisoned.

I can no more.

00:09:42,457 --> 00:09:44,376

The king,

the king's to blame.

00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:45,877

the point,

envenomed too.

00:09:46,003 --> 00:09:48,297

Then, venom

to thy work, buddy!

00:09:48,422 --> 00:09:49,840

Treason, treason!

00:09:49,965 --> 00:09:51,466

Oh, yet defend me, friends,

I am but hurt.

00:09:51,592 --> 00:09:53,594

Here, thou incestuous,

murderous damned dane.

00:09:53,719 --> 00:09:55,596

Drink of this potion,

is thy union here?

00:09:55,721 --> 00:09:57,848

Follow my mother.

00:09:57,973 --> 00:10:00,017

He is served, it is

a poison tempered by himself.

00:10:00,142 --> 00:10:01,768

Exchange forgiveness with me,

noble Hamlet.

00:10:01,893 --> 00:10:03,604

Mine and my father's death

came not upon thee

00:10:03,729 --> 00:10:05,147

nor thine on me.

00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:07,482

Heaven make free of it,

I follow thee, guy.

00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:10,360

I am dead, Horatio,

wretched queen, adieu.

00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:12,529

You that look pale and tremble

at this chance, buddy,

00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:14,114

thou are but mutes

or audience to this act,

00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:15,824

had I but time--

00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,659

as this fell sergeant death

is strict in his arrest--

00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,828

oh, I could tell you, buddy,

but let it be.

00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:21,496

Horatio, I am dead.

00:10:21,622 --> 00:10:23,123

Thou livest, guy,

00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:24,958

report me and my cause aright

to the unsatisfied.

00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:26,501

Never believe it.

00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:28,045

I am more an antique Roman

than a dane.

00:10:28,170 --> 00:10:29,838

Here's yet some

liquor left, buddy.

00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:32,132

Jesus-tap-dancing-Christ,

is this thing ever gonna end?

00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:34,676

He has my dying voice, so

tell him with the occurrence

00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,219

more and less which

have solicited,

00:10:36,345 --> 00:10:38,430

the rest is silence.

00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:40,724

Now cracks a noble heart,

good night, sweet prince

00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:42,559

and flights of angels

sing thee to thy rest, buddy.

00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,437

Phillip, Phillip!

- Yes?

00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,064

Our town in Colorado

was chosen

00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:48,106

to host Earth Day this year

and we need a big act.

00:10:48,231 --> 00:10:49,691

Oh, really?

00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:50,692

This run of Hamlet

is closing down, I'm afraid,

00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:52,277

we could take it there.

00:10:52,402 --> 00:10:53,987

Uh, well we were thinking

how cool it would be

00:10:54,112 --> 00:10:55,781

if you and Terrance got

back together for a reunion--

00:10:55,906 --> 00:10:57,449

Stop right there!

00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:59,493

I'm not doin' nothin'

with that fatass egomaniac.

00:10:59,618 --> 00:11:01,078

But we need you.

00:11:01,203 --> 00:11:02,829

I'm sick of him

taking credit for all the work

00:11:02,954 --> 00:11:04,122

and not letting me

change the act.

00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:05,123

It's old and stale.

00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:06,416

I mean, do you really think

00:11:06,541 --> 00:11:07,793

that fart jokes

are funny for that long?

00:11:09,252 --> 00:11:10,295

Look, if you don't come

and do the show,

00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:11,588

I'll make you

eat your parents.

00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:12,547

Yeah, whatever kid.

00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:13,548

He'll do it, dude.

00:11:13,674 --> 00:11:15,467

Uh, look, Phillip.

00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:16,593

Everyone in South Park just

wants to see your serious side.

00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:18,303

What?

What?

00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:19,888

They told us, "that Phillip,

he's the one with talent.

00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:21,390

Just get him for Earth Day."

- Really?

00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:23,392

Well that sounds interesting,

how much does it pay?

00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,686

$2,000.

- I'm in!

00:11:25,811 --> 00:11:28,188

Here, call me at this number

with the details, gotta run.

00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:30,232

Dude, you didn't tell him

Terrance would be there.

00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:31,733

I didn't say he wouldn't

be there, either.

00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:33,235

Look, all we have to do

is get them there, right?

00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:34,778

Once Terrance and Phillip

get together again,

00:11:34,903 --> 00:11:36,113

it'll be like old times.

00:11:36,238 --> 00:11:37,989

Oh, Kyle, you just made

a huge withdrawal

00:11:38,115 --> 00:11:40,117

at the "First Bank of Lies."

00:11:40,242 --> 00:11:41,493

It'll--it'll be okay.

00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:46,707

Work faster.

00:11:46,832 --> 00:11:51,086

Faster, children,

Earth Day is coming.

00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:52,462

Well, boys,

it's rehearsal time

00:11:52,587 --> 00:11:54,589

and your Terrance and Phillip

haven't shown up.

00:11:54,715 --> 00:11:55,841

They said they'd come.

00:11:55,966 --> 00:11:57,092

I'm sure they'll

be here any minute.

00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:58,885

Maybe you kids don't

understand

00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:01,596

how important Earth Day is

for the future of our planet.

00:12:01,722 --> 00:12:02,889

Maybe you need

some convincing.

00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:03,890

Karl.

00:12:04,015 --> 00:12:04,891

Ahh!

00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:06,643

Oh, my God!

00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:07,769

Excuse me, is this where

the Earth Day crap is happening?

00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,312

He's here.

00:12:09,438 --> 00:12:11,273

Oh, very good.

Mr. Phillip, I'm Jack Forest,

00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:12,858

head of the Earth Day

committee.

00:12:12,983 --> 00:12:14,818

Thank you for being a part

of this important event.

00:12:14,943 --> 00:12:16,069

Whatever,

where's my check?

00:12:16,194 --> 00:12:17,821

Alright, I'm here,

where do I--

00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:19,364

what's he doing here?

00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:20,949

Alright,

let's do a rehearsal

00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:22,200

so that the camera crew

can get a look at it.

00:12:24,870 --> 00:12:26,413

Wow, isn't this great,

00:12:26,538 --> 00:12:27,998

You guys seeing each other

again?

00:12:28,123 --> 00:12:29,624

Yeah, you must have

a lot of catching up to do

00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:31,042

but let's rehearse first.

00:12:31,168 --> 00:12:32,544

So, this is your doing,

huh, Terrance?

00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:34,045

My doing?

00:12:34,171 --> 00:12:35,922

These kids called me

and said it was your idea

00:12:36,047 --> 00:12:37,424

and that you wanted

to apologize.

00:12:37,549 --> 00:12:38,967

Please, you guys,

this is for Earth Day.

00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:41,636

You care about Mother Earth,

don't you?

00:12:41,762 --> 00:12:42,971

Well, what the hell?

00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:44,639

I already flew

all the way out here.

00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:46,308

But I want my check made out

to me, not both of us.

00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:48,393

Ditto!

- Fine.

00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:50,270

See, I told you

it would work.

00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:52,272

Alright, we'll come off

the speech of the dying whales

00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:54,149

and then, action.

00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,193

Doctor, doctor,

I've cracked my ass.

00:12:56,318 --> 00:12:57,277

Really?

Let me take a look.

00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:58,361

Look closer.

00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:04,326

Yon fart doth smell

of elderberry sweet--

00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:06,077

That's not the line, asshole.

00:13:06,203 --> 00:13:07,537

You're right,

it's a better one, asshole.

00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:09,039

Just do the bit right,

dick face!

00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:10,207

Why don't you go

eat some more pudding,

00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:11,833

you fatass drug addict!

00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:13,752

I may be fat, but at least

I didn't get hair plugs.

00:13:13,877 --> 00:13:15,295

That's it!

00:13:15,420 --> 00:13:16,963

I ain't doin' nothin'

with "Kooko the Whale"!

00:13:17,088 --> 00:13:19,424

I never needed you

in the first place, you hack!

00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:21,802

You can't leave,

the show starts soon.

00:13:21,927 --> 00:13:25,472

Boys, you've got three hours

to get those two back together.

00:13:25,597 --> 00:13:27,265

Do I need to remind you

what will happen if you don't?

00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:28,433

Karl!

00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:29,726

Owww!

00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:31,686

You bastards.

- Good luck, boys.

00:13:31,812 --> 00:13:33,980

We've got to get them

back together, you guys.

00:13:34,105 --> 00:13:35,232

They could

do this to us!

00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:42,364

Tom, I'm standing

in South Park, Colorado,

00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:45,075

where Earth Day 2001

is in full force.

00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:46,952

Environmental awareness

games, booths

00:13:47,077 --> 00:13:48,954

and of course,

the entertainment on stage

00:13:49,079 --> 00:13:51,081

which is being broadcast live

all over the country.

00:13:51,206 --> 00:13:54,417

This eco-happy crowd is thrilled

and waiting in anticipation

00:13:54,543 --> 00:13:56,628

for the arrival

of Terrance and Phillip,

00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:59,256

who were promised

by these four boys.

00:13:59,381 --> 00:14:01,341

What a touching

and true song.

00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:04,845

You know it's true, Republicans

are ruining the earth.

00:14:04,970 --> 00:14:07,264

Republicans

are ruining the earth.

00:14:07,389 --> 00:14:08,974

Alright.

00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:10,809

Well, I think I know why

most you tuned in today.

00:14:10,934 --> 00:14:12,853

How about some

Earth Day entertainment?

00:14:17,983 --> 00:14:20,986

Hooray for the Earth,

we must protect it.

00:14:21,111 --> 00:14:22,571

And now, as promised,

00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:27,868

Here are Terrance

and Phillip...on video.

00:14:27,993 --> 00:14:31,246

On video?

00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,874

They were considered the best

comedy act in all of Canada,

00:14:33,999 --> 00:14:35,750

but a fast-paced rocket ride

to success

00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:38,169

would bring them

to the depths of despair.

00:14:38,295 --> 00:14:41,339

This is Terrance and Phillip:

Behind the Blow.

00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:42,799

Wow.

00:14:42,924 --> 00:14:44,634

What the hell

do you call this?

00:14:44,759 --> 00:14:46,344

It's Terrance and Phillip:

Behind the Blow.

00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:47,888

I taped it last month.

00:14:48,013 --> 00:14:49,681

We promised people

Terrance and Phillip,

00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:51,224

not a video documentary.

00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:53,727

You've ruined the Earth

for the last time, boys!

00:14:55,437 --> 00:14:57,397

Aah!

00:14:57,522 --> 00:14:59,649

Terrance was born

"Terrance Henry Stute"

00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:01,818

in the small Canadian village

of Toronto.

00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:03,403

At a very early age,

00:15:03,528 --> 00:15:05,280

his parents noticed

an uncanny musical ability

00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:06,740

and decided to enroll him

00:15:06,865 --> 00:15:09,075

in the Canadian school

for gifted babies.

00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:12,078

It was here that he partnered up

with Phillip Niles Argyle,

00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:14,539

a brash young baby

from Montreal.

00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:16,750

Together,

they performed musical acts

00:15:16,875 --> 00:15:18,418

that stunned Canadians

everywhere.

00:15:18,543 --> 00:15:20,045

At the tender age of six,

00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:22,380

Terrance and Phillip

were off to the United States

00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:24,466

to perform on

the Ed Sullivan Show

00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:26,718

where American audiences

would be exposed to Canadians

00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:28,762

for the first time.

00:15:28,887 --> 00:15:30,096

And now,

ladies and gentlemen,

00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:32,641

we have two adorable little boys

from Canada.

00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:33,892

Please put your hands together

00:15:34,017 --> 00:15:36,269

for the music

of young Terrance and Phillip.

00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:39,147

♪ Beef and lamb

chicken and ham ♪

00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:40,523

♪ Step to the left

and clap your hands ♪

00:15:40,649 --> 00:15:41,816

♪ Gosh we love that

chicken and ham ♪

00:15:41,942 --> 00:15:44,527

♪ Don't you love that

chicken and ham ♪

00:15:44,653 --> 00:15:46,112

Oh, my God, what's wrong

with their heads?

00:15:46,237 --> 00:15:48,031

It's alright, darling,

they're just Canadian.

00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:49,324

Oh.

00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:50,784

♪ Beef and lamb

chicken and ham ♪

00:15:50,909 --> 00:15:51,826

♪ Step to the left

and clap your hands ♪

00:15:51,952 --> 00:15:53,119

♪ Gosh we love that

chicken and ham ♪

00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:54,704

♪ Don't you love my

chicken and ham ♪

00:15:54,829 --> 00:15:57,540

the Canadian act confused

American audiences,

00:15:57,666 --> 00:15:59,250

but then something happened

00:15:59,376 --> 00:16:02,128

that would change Terrance

and Phillip's act forever.

00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:16,017

It was the birth

of Canadian comedy.

00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:17,644

Terrance and Phillip

00:16:17,769 --> 00:16:19,437

spent the next several years

perfecting their art

00:16:19,562 --> 00:16:23,274

and meeting some of America's

most influential people.

00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:24,818

Excuse me,

which way is the bus station?

00:16:24,943 --> 00:16:26,194

Hey, you're the guy

on the screen.

00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:28,154

What?

00:16:28,279 --> 00:16:30,156

But it was in 1974

on the Sonny and Cher Show

00:16:30,281 --> 00:16:31,658

that Terrance and Phillip

00:16:31,783 --> 00:16:33,243

finally started to mix

their Canadian humor

00:16:33,368 --> 00:16:35,662

with deep political insight.

00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:37,455

You know, Cher,

a lot of us real Americans

00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:38,999

don't know much

about Canada.

00:16:39,124 --> 00:16:40,500

Well, all of us

real Americans

00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:43,670

aren't as stupid

and short as you.

00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:45,296

Please put your

groovy hands together

00:16:45,422 --> 00:16:47,424

for the young and talented

Terrance and Phillip.

00:16:50,427 --> 00:16:51,928

Say, Terrance,

I'm getting worried aboot

00:16:52,053 --> 00:16:53,555

all these Russians

making missiles.

00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,181

Maybe we should

stop this "Cold War."

00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:58,393

Here's a missile for ya.

00:16:58,518 --> 00:16:59,519

That's better.

00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,696

With this bold mix

of humor and political insight,

00:17:09,821 --> 00:17:11,990

the world couldn't get enough

of Terrance and Phillip,

00:17:12,115 --> 00:17:13,825

but their fame

would come at a price

00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:16,327

when Behind the Blow continues.

00:17:16,453 --> 00:17:18,163

Okay, okay,

I think we lost 'em.

00:17:18,288 --> 00:17:20,248

Jesus, man, those Earth people

don't screw around.

00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:22,083

Kyle, none of this

would be happening

00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,460

if you hadn't lied

in the first place.

00:17:23,585 --> 00:17:25,545

You lied and then you lied

to cover up your lies.

00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:27,630

I didn't see you complaining

at the time, fat boy!

00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:29,799

Guys, we have no choice,

we're gonna have to move away.

00:17:29,924 --> 00:17:31,634

Environmental activists

don't use logic or reason.

00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:34,220

There they are!

00:17:34,345 --> 00:17:35,930

Ahh!

00:17:39,976 --> 00:17:42,270

As they entered

their late teens,

00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,772

Terrance and Phillip

were already starting to taste

00:17:43,897 --> 00:17:45,023

the sweet milk of success,

00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:46,733

but the price of fame

was looming

00:17:46,858 --> 00:17:49,861

as Terrance and Phillip:

Behind the Blow continues.

00:17:49,986 --> 00:17:51,279

The '70s and '80s

were a good time

00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:52,781

for young Terrance and Phillip.

00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:54,282

Their act on

The Donny and Marie Show

00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:56,076

won them

a Nobel Peace Prize.

00:17:56,201 --> 00:17:57,911

They were on the cover

of every magazine.

00:17:58,036 --> 00:17:59,704

And then in 1998,

00:17:59,829 --> 00:18:01,998

even a Saturday morning

cartoon was made

00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:03,750

based on Terrance and Phillip.

00:18:03,875 --> 00:18:05,919

Terrance and Phillip themselves

supplied the voices.

00:18:06,044 --> 00:18:07,378

Say, Terrance,

what should we do

00:18:07,504 --> 00:18:09,172

aboot this strange planet

we've crashed on?

00:18:09,297 --> 00:18:11,049

I don't know, Phillip.

00:18:11,174 --> 00:18:12,884

It seems like the alien species

here breathe an inert gas.

00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:14,552

Uh-oh, did you say

what I thought you said?

00:18:16,805 --> 00:18:18,598

As leader of

the Goat People,

00:18:18,723 --> 00:18:20,725

I have seen my species

nearly wiped out

00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:22,310

by your dangerous gas.

00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:23,937

Wow, that sucks.

00:18:25,313 --> 00:18:26,856

The cartoon was

such a huge success

00:18:26,981 --> 00:18:28,149

that it started to breed

confusion

00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:29,818

over whether

Terrance and Phillip

00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:32,153

were animated characters

or real people.

00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:34,572

And so in 1998,

the comedy team started work

00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:36,825

on what they thought would be

their greatest achievement,

00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:38,368

a made-for-TV movie

00:18:38,493 --> 00:18:40,203

written by and starting

Terrance and Phillip

00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:42,580

called Not Without My Anus.

00:18:42,705 --> 00:18:44,290

It was their biggest project

to date,

00:18:44,415 --> 00:18:46,376

but it had the misfortune

of being scheduled on a night

00:18:46,501 --> 00:18:48,837

when a different and more

popular television show,

00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:51,965

the John Schneider Variety Hour

was supposed to air.

00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:53,633

When fans tuned in

to see John Schneider

00:18:53,758 --> 00:18:56,511

and instead were treated to

the Canadian made-for-TV movie,

00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:59,222

they were enraged, bewildered,

and scared.

00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:01,516

The fans revolted

and burned down the network,

00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:04,811

killing six television producers

and wounding 12 others.

00:19:04,936 --> 00:19:07,188

The hatred of

Terrance and Phillip had begun.

00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:09,065

Terrance fell into

a deep depression

00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:10,900

and started abusing

wood polish.

00:19:11,025 --> 00:19:12,652

Phillip beat up

an angry six-year-old fan

00:19:12,777 --> 00:19:14,320

and was sued for

$6 million.

00:19:14,445 --> 00:19:16,865

It was the first time

the duo tasted failure

00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:18,741

and it nearly

killed them both.

00:19:18,867 --> 00:19:21,035

What's going on here?

00:19:21,161 --> 00:19:24,747

Shh, we're watchin'

Behind the Blow.

00:19:24,873 --> 00:19:27,584

Come on, Kenny,

hurry up!

00:19:27,709 --> 00:19:30,128

After years of depression

and suicide attempts,

00:19:30,253 --> 00:19:32,630

Terrance and Phillip

finally decided to get together

00:19:32,755 --> 00:19:34,424

for one last film,

00:19:34,549 --> 00:19:37,969

the 1999 smash hit

Asses of Fire.

00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:39,971

It was one of the highest

grossing films of the summer.

00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:41,389

And though

the film also started

00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:43,391

the Canadian-American

war of 1999

00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:45,351

in which eight million people

lost their lives,

00:19:45,476 --> 00:19:47,604

the film was

considered a great success.

00:19:47,729 --> 00:19:49,939

After almost being executed

by the American government,

00:19:50,064 --> 00:19:52,066

Terrance and Phillip were

eventually returned to Canada

00:19:52,192 --> 00:19:53,943

where they were touted

as heroes.

00:19:54,068 --> 00:19:55,778

They had been to hell and back,

00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:58,406

through the very best and the

very worst of times together,

00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:00,909

but they had seen it through,

and so ends

00:20:01,034 --> 00:20:03,453

Terrance and Phillip:

Behind the Blow.

00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:07,457

Terrance.

00:20:07,582 --> 00:20:08,791

Oh, Phillip,

you're still here too.

00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:10,335

I was just

watching this video.

00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:13,046

You know, I've never

seen it before.

00:20:13,171 --> 00:20:15,256

Me neither.

00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:17,425

We sure did go through

a lot together.

00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:20,136

We sure did.

00:20:20,261 --> 00:20:21,471

Terrance, I--

00:20:21,596 --> 00:20:23,014

Don't, no, Phillip,

don't say it.

00:20:23,139 --> 00:20:24,474

I was an asshole,

this is mostly my fault.

00:20:24,599 --> 00:20:26,100

That's what

I was gonna say,

00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:29,229

You're an asshole and

this was mostly your fault.

00:20:29,354 --> 00:20:31,856

But you were always the more

artistically driven of us.

00:20:31,981 --> 00:20:33,524

I should've put more

into it than I did.

00:20:33,650 --> 00:20:34,692

No, Phillip.

00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:36,069

I really thought

I did everything,

00:20:36,194 --> 00:20:39,280

until I tried

to do it alone.

00:20:50,959 --> 00:20:52,585

Think of all

the endangered species

00:20:52,710 --> 00:20:54,212

that will now vanish

because of you.

00:20:54,337 --> 00:20:55,129

Karl!

00:20:57,006 --> 00:20:58,633

So long, boys.

00:20:58,758 --> 00:20:59,717

Wait,

dude, look.

00:21:02,512 --> 00:21:04,180

Thank you, everyone,

thank you.

00:21:04,305 --> 00:21:06,224

You know, Phillip and I have

learned an important lesson,

00:21:06,349 --> 00:21:07,934

that when you go

through a lot with somebody,

00:21:08,059 --> 00:21:09,769

you can't let trite things

come between you.

00:21:09,894 --> 00:21:11,020

That's right, Terrance.

00:21:11,145 --> 00:21:12,063

You should only let

trite things

00:21:12,188 --> 00:21:13,731

come between your ass cheeks.

00:21:13,856 --> 00:21:15,525

Oh, no!

00:21:15,650 --> 00:21:16,609

They're back.

00:21:16,734 --> 00:21:17,610

Alright!

00:21:17,735 --> 00:21:19,988

Yes, Earth Day is saved, boys.

00:21:20,113 --> 00:21:21,531

Everything worked out

after all.

00:21:21,656 --> 00:21:23,116

It sure did.

00:21:23,241 --> 00:21:24,742

Look, Kenny,

everything turned out okay.

00:21:26,536 --> 00:21:27,787

Say, Terrance,

can you tell me who farted?

00:21:27,912 --> 00:21:29,372

He sure did, Phillip.

00:21:29,497 --> 00:21:31,124

No, I'm asking you

his name.

00:21:31,249 --> 00:21:33,418

And so Terrance and Phillip

got back together,

00:21:33,543 --> 00:21:35,420

proving once and for all

that fame and fortune

00:21:35,545 --> 00:21:37,380

are never as important

as friendship.

00:21:37,505 --> 00:21:38,965

♪ Beef and lamb

chicken and ham ♪

00:21:39,090 --> 00:21:40,258

♪ Step to the left

and clap your hands ♪

00:21:40,383 --> 00:21:41,426

♪ Gosh we love that

chicken and ham ♪

00:21:41,551 --> 00:21:42,552

♪ Don't they love that

chicken and ham ♪

00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:48,224

♪ Beef and lamb

chicken and ham ♪

00:21:48,349 --> 00:21:49,267

♪ Step to the left

and clap your hands ♪

00:21:49,392 --> 00:21:50,601

♪ Gosh we love that

chicken and ham ♪

00:21:50,727 --> 00:21:51,811

♪ Don't they love that

chicken and ham ♪

00:21:51,936 --> 00:21:53,229

♪ Beef and lamb

chicken and ham ♪

00:21:53,354 --> 00:21:54,272

♪ Step to the left

and clap your hands ♪

00:21:54,397 --> 00:21:55,815

♪ Gosh we love that

chicken and ham ♪

00:21:55,940 --> 00:21:56,190

♪ Don't they love that

chicken and ham ♪

00:00:10,928 --> 00:00:12,513

♪ Gonna have myself

a time ♪

00:00:12,638 --> 00:00:14,348

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:14,473 --> 00:00:16,017

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:16,142 --> 00:00:17,059

♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:19,103

♪ Gonna leave

my woes behind ♪

00:00:19,228 --> 00:00:21,063

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:22,606

♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

00:00:22,732 --> 00:00:23,983

♪ Headin' on up

to South Park ♪

00:00:24,108 --> 00:00:26,235

♪ Gonna see

if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:29,071

♪ [muffled] ♪

00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:30,489

♪ Come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:30,614 --> 00:00:32,533

♪ And meet

some friends of mine ♪

00:00:35,286 --> 00:00:38,247

And so, in her career

filled with lies, back-stabbing

00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:39,665

and whoring herself

for money,

00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:41,834

she learned that

the price of fame can be

00:00:41,959 --> 00:00:45,087

pleasing 65 men at once

in a dark, dirty alley.

00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:48,507

And so ends Punky Brewster:

Behind the Blow.

00:00:48,632 --> 00:00:49,550

Whoa,

bummer, dude.

00:00:49,675 --> 00:00:51,218

Okay, dude,

it's 3:30.

00:00:51,343 --> 00:00:53,262

It's time for

The Terrance and Phillip Show.

00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:54,263

All: Yay!

00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:55,514

Excuse me, buddy.

00:00:55,639 --> 00:00:56,515

Why, did you fart?

00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:57,767

Oh no!

00:00:57,892 --> 00:00:58,934

Oh, man,

this is another rerun.

00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:00,561

Are you sure?

I haven't seen it.

00:01:00,686 --> 00:01:02,271

Yeah, fatass, this is their

famous mechanic sketch.

00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:03,981

I'm looking

for a mechanic.

00:01:04,106 --> 00:01:05,649

Can you tell me how

to get to the auto garage?

00:01:05,775 --> 00:01:07,526

Sure, buddy, all you need

to do is go down to the--

00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:10,488

[farts]

00:01:10,613 --> 00:01:11,739

and that's how you--

00:01:11,864 --> 00:01:12,907

[together]

"get to the auto garage."

00:01:13,032 --> 00:01:14,450

Could you tell me

00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:15,868

how to get to the auto

garage without farting?

00:01:15,993 --> 00:01:17,369

Sure, you go the same way--

00:01:17,495 --> 00:01:18,788

"except stick your finger

up your ass."

00:01:18,913 --> 00:01:20,247

No, no, no.

00:01:20,372 --> 00:01:21,665

I mean could you tell me

the directions again

00:01:21,791 --> 00:01:22,958

without you farting?

00:01:23,084 --> 00:01:24,210

Oh, sure.

00:01:24,335 --> 00:01:25,669

Just stick your finger

up my ass.

00:01:25,795 --> 00:01:27,338

Alright,

no problem, buddy.

00:01:27,463 --> 00:01:30,049

Now tell me how do I get to the

auto garage to see a mechanic?

00:01:30,174 --> 00:01:31,801

You're at the auto garage.

I am the mechanic.

00:01:31,926 --> 00:01:33,886

Why the heck didn't you tell

me you were the mechanic?

00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:35,096

"Because I had

an itch up my ass."

00:01:35,221 --> 00:01:36,430

Because I had

an itch up my ass.

00:01:36,555 --> 00:01:38,766

[laughing]

00:01:38,891 --> 00:01:39,892

[farts]

00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:44,355

Terrance and Phillip

will be right back...

00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:46,315

after these messages.

00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,109

When are they gonna

make new ones?

00:01:48,234 --> 00:01:50,111

Hey, kids, don't miss

the greatest event of the year.

00:01:50,236 --> 00:01:51,821

This Thursday night

at the Denver Coliseum,

00:01:51,946 --> 00:01:54,240

see Terrance and Phillip live

and in person.

00:01:54,365 --> 00:01:55,574

What's this?

00:01:55,699 --> 00:01:57,243

One night and one night only,

00:01:57,368 --> 00:01:58,869

see all your favorite

Terrance and Phillip bits live.

00:01:58,994 --> 00:02:00,246

Oh my God!

00:02:00,371 --> 00:02:01,497

You guys,

you guys!

00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:02,957

I know, I know.

00:02:03,082 --> 00:02:04,583

To order tickets,

call Ticket Slave now!

00:02:04,708 --> 00:02:06,377

Write the number down!

Write the number down!

00:02:06,502 --> 00:02:08,379

[school bell rings]

00:02:08,504 --> 00:02:09,380

Dude, did you get 'em?

00:02:09,505 --> 00:02:11,173

I got 'em.

00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:12,633

Four tickets, 68th row

to Terrance and Phillip.

00:02:12,758 --> 00:02:13,926

I waited in line

since 3:00 this morning.

00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:15,761

Awesome,

give me mine.

00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:17,429

Wow, you guys are gonna see

Terrance and Phillip live?

00:02:17,555 --> 00:02:19,014

Yup, tomorrow night.

00:02:19,140 --> 00:02:20,933

Alright, children,

let's settle down.

00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:23,227

As you know,

this coming Friday is Earth Day,

00:02:23,352 --> 00:02:24,812

and I'm pleased to announce

00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:26,605

that the national Earth Day

organization

00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:28,482

has chosen South Park

as its location

00:02:28,607 --> 00:02:30,568

for the Earth Day

Brainwashing Festival.

00:02:30,693 --> 00:02:32,194

All: Oh!

00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:34,238

The heads of the Earth Day

Brainwashing Organization

00:02:34,363 --> 00:02:37,032

are here to tell you

all about it.

00:02:37,158 --> 00:02:39,118

Hello, children,

I know you're all very excited

00:02:39,243 --> 00:02:41,120

about having the Earth Day

Brainwashing Festival

00:02:41,245 --> 00:02:42,705

put on in your town.

00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:45,166

You care very much

about the Earth, don't you?

00:02:45,291 --> 00:02:46,792

All: yes.

00:02:46,917 --> 00:02:48,169

Good, because

it's up to all of you

00:02:48,294 --> 00:02:50,671

to get lots of people to come

and make it look great.

00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:52,173

The festival is on Friday,

00:02:52,298 --> 00:02:54,633

so we'll start getting it ready

tomorrow night.

00:02:54,758 --> 00:02:56,177

What?

00:02:56,302 --> 00:02:58,012

We've all gotta

pitch in.

00:02:58,137 --> 00:02:59,972

I'm sorry, but the four of us

can't help tomorrow night.

00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:00,931

Yeah!

Yeah!

00:03:01,056 --> 00:03:02,933

You...what?

00:03:03,058 --> 00:03:04,643

We got tickets to see

Terrance and Phillip live

00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:05,769

in Denver tomorrow night.

00:03:05,895 --> 00:03:06,562

We paid 40 bucks a piece

for them.

00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:07,980

And Terrance and Phillip

00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:09,273

are more important than

Mother Earth?

00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:10,774

Well, yeah, dude.

00:03:10,900 --> 00:03:14,111

You don't care about

Terrance and Phillip.

00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:15,779

Nothing matters more than

saving the planet

00:03:15,905 --> 00:03:17,573

from Republicans.

00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:19,783

You don't need to see

Terrance and Phillip.

00:03:19,909 --> 00:03:21,994

No, dude,

we really, really do.

00:03:22,119 --> 00:03:24,330

Their will is strong.

00:03:24,455 --> 00:03:26,916

Boys, I'm sorry, but nothing's

more important than Earth Day.

00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:27,708

Uh, but that's why

we're going.

00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:28,959

Huh?

00:03:29,084 --> 00:03:30,169

See, we're the official

presidents

00:03:30,294 --> 00:03:31,420

of the Terrance

and Phillip Fan Club

00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:32,588

and we're going

to see them tomorrow

00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:33,631

'cause we can get them

to perform

00:03:33,756 --> 00:03:35,174

at the Earth Day festival.

00:03:35,299 --> 00:03:36,592

You can get Terrance

and Phillip to perform?

00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,010

That would be great.

00:03:38,135 --> 00:03:39,637

Terrance and Phillip would

draw huge ratings

00:03:39,762 --> 00:03:41,430

from children

all over the country.

00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,766

Very well, kids, we'll work on

getting the event ready here

00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,226

and you go get

Terrance and Phillip.

00:03:45,351 --> 00:03:46,227

[all]

Alright!

00:03:46,352 --> 00:03:47,853

But I warn you,

00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:49,605

you better not promise things

to Earth Day people

00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,148

that you can't deliver.

00:03:51,273 --> 00:03:56,111

Earth Day people can be

very unforgiving.

00:03:56,237 --> 00:03:59,156

Heh-heh, no problem,

no problem.

00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,035

Ladies and gentlemen...

00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:04,787

[cheering]

00:04:04,912 --> 00:04:09,875

put your hands together

for Terrance!

00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:13,128

Hello, Denver!

00:04:13,254 --> 00:04:14,421

[scattered applause]

00:04:14,546 --> 00:04:15,589

Wow, dude,

Terrance got really fat.

00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:17,132

Yeah, he looks terrible.

00:04:17,258 --> 00:04:19,134

How are you all feeling

tonight, pretty good?

00:04:19,260 --> 00:04:20,678

Uh-oh.

[farts]

00:04:20,803 --> 00:04:21,971

[sparse laughter]

00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:24,014

Hey, do you all

remember this one?

00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:26,267

"Doctor, doctor,

I think I cracked my ass."

00:04:26,392 --> 00:04:27,935

Phillip,

"let me take a look."

00:04:28,060 --> 00:04:28,978

"Look closer."

00:04:29,103 --> 00:04:30,771

[farting and cackling]

00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:31,897

Uh...

00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:32,940

where the hell

is Phillip?

00:04:33,065 --> 00:04:34,733

Phillip, Phillip!

00:04:34,858 --> 00:04:36,277

[crowd chanting]

00:04:36,402 --> 00:04:38,195

Phillip, Phillip,

Phillip, Phillip!

00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,281

And now, for some classic

Terrance and Phillip comedy.

00:04:40,406 --> 00:04:41,782

[cheering]

00:04:41,907 --> 00:04:42,866

Hello, Terrance.

00:04:42,992 --> 00:04:44,118

Hello, Phillip.

00:04:44,243 --> 00:04:45,452

Phillip?

That's not Phillip.

00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:47,121

Say, Phillip,

I have a question for you.

00:04:47,246 --> 00:04:48,497

Okay, shoot.

00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:51,041

[farts]

00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:52,418

Dude, what the hell

is going on?

00:04:52,543 --> 00:04:53,627

Why'd they

replace Phillip?

00:04:53,752 --> 00:04:55,379

I think this

new guy's funny.

00:04:55,504 --> 00:04:57,172

And now here's a classic

Terrance and Phillip sketch

00:04:57,298 --> 00:04:58,799

that I wrote back in '62.

00:04:58,924 --> 00:05:01,010

Excuse me, sir,

do you know who farted?

00:05:01,135 --> 00:05:02,094

He sure did.

00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:03,762

What's the person's name?

00:05:03,887 --> 00:05:05,055

Who.

- The guy that farted?

00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:06,682

Who?

- The person that passed gas.

00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,350

Who passed gas?

00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:09,435

Now, why you

askin' me?

00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:10,519

That's the man's name.

00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:11,645

That's whose name?

00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:12,938

Yes!

00:05:13,063 --> 00:05:14,606

Something very terrible

has happened

00:05:14,732 --> 00:05:15,941

in the world

of Terrance and Phillip

00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:17,609

and we've got to

find out what.

00:05:17,735 --> 00:05:19,862

Look, buddy, all I'm trying

to find out is,

00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:21,363

what's the guy's name

that farted?

00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:22,865

What's the guy that

drank his own urine?

00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:23,991

Who?

00:05:27,119 --> 00:05:28,662

Come on, guys, we're getting

to the bottom of this.

00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:29,955

Excuse us.

00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:31,457

Where do you think

you're goin'?

00:05:31,582 --> 00:05:33,125

We have to talk to Terrance.

- Yeah, right.

00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:34,501

It's okay,

we're the Official Presidents

00:05:34,626 --> 00:05:35,502

of the Terrance

and Phillip Fan Club.

00:05:35,627 --> 00:05:37,629

Then get in the

00:05:37,755 --> 00:05:42,551

"Official President of Terrance

and Phillip Fan Club" line.

00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:44,303

Oh, dude.

Gay.

00:05:44,428 --> 00:05:45,637

You don't understand,

00:05:45,763 --> 00:05:47,473

we saved Terrance

and Phillip's lives once.

00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:49,183

You and about a thousand other

people at one time or another.

00:05:49,308 --> 00:05:50,517

Now get outta my face.

00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:52,144

Redneck!

00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:53,645

Man, this sucks.

00:05:53,771 --> 00:05:55,105

Are you guys official

presidents too?

00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:56,482

Don't talk to us, kid.

00:05:56,607 --> 00:05:58,317

Hey, look at that line,

it's way shorter.

00:05:58,442 --> 00:06:00,235

I don't think we're female

groupies or random sluts.

00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:01,904

Kenny's a random slut.

00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:03,614

Well, maybe we can sneak in

over there, come on.

00:06:03,739 --> 00:06:04,948

Shh.

00:06:07,743 --> 00:06:09,453

Mmm, mmm, yummy.

00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:11,246

It was so great

meeting you.

00:06:11,372 --> 00:06:12,790

I feel like we really

shared something.

00:06:12,915 --> 00:06:14,166

We sure did, Betty.

00:06:14,291 --> 00:06:15,542

Next!

00:06:17,336 --> 00:06:20,089

Hello, Terrance,

I'm such a huge fan.

00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:21,757

You're a huge fan,

alright.

00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,258

Could I just have you

sign my breasts?

00:06:23,384 --> 00:06:24,676

What do I get in return?

00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:26,011

Whatever you want.

00:06:26,136 --> 00:06:28,013

Oh, yeah,

oh, that's good, baby.

00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:29,348

Oh, Terrance, I love you.

I love you.

00:06:29,473 --> 00:06:32,017

I love you.

I love you.

00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:33,727

Man, it smells

down there.

00:06:33,852 --> 00:06:35,187

Jesus Christ,

that was fast.

00:06:35,312 --> 00:06:36,647

Well, what should we name it,

how 'bout Jerry?

00:06:36,772 --> 00:06:37,898

What the hell?

00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:38,982

Oh, wow,

we had quadruplets.

00:06:39,108 --> 00:06:40,317

Aah!

00:06:40,442 --> 00:06:41,860

We're not quadruplets,

Terrance.

00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:43,320

We snuck in that woman's

spandex to get in here.

00:06:43,445 --> 00:06:44,613

Oh, thank God.

00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:45,906

The last thing I need

is more kids.

00:06:46,031 --> 00:06:47,574

What do you want,

an autograph or something?

00:06:47,699 --> 00:06:49,159

No, it's more important

than that.

00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:50,953

Our school is putting on

a big show for Earth Day

00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:52,704

and we promised people

we could get you to perform.

00:06:52,830 --> 00:06:54,206

Earth Day, huh?

00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:55,082

That sounds like

a very noble cause.

00:06:55,207 --> 00:06:56,250

How much does it pay?

00:06:56,375 --> 00:06:58,460

But where's Phillip?

- Who?

00:06:58,585 --> 00:06:59,962

Phillip, your partner.

00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:01,338

Why is it that every time

somebody sees me,

00:07:01,463 --> 00:07:02,923

they have to say,

"hey, where's Phillip?"

00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:04,466

Like we're freakin' married

or something.

00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:06,635

Y'know, I'll let you tater tots

in on a little secret.

00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,429

Phillip is a hack.

00:07:08,554 --> 00:07:10,389

You know who wrote all

the Terrance and Phillip stuff?

00:07:10,514 --> 00:07:12,808

Me. Phillip never did anything

but read his lines.

00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,102

But the guy that

replaced him sucks.

00:07:15,227 --> 00:07:17,563

I know.

I know he sucks.

00:07:17,688 --> 00:07:20,315

To be honest, things haven't

been going so well lately.

00:07:20,441 --> 00:07:21,733

I'm not making any money

00:07:21,859 --> 00:07:23,193

because everyone

wants to see Phillip.

00:07:23,318 --> 00:07:24,361

Why?

00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:25,821

What the hell

does Phillip do?

00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,448

Because, dude,

it's "Terrance and Phillip."

00:07:27,573 --> 00:07:28,740

Ugh, whatever.

00:07:28,866 --> 00:07:30,534

The point is,

Phillip and I are through

00:07:30,659 --> 00:07:33,078

and apparently so is the act

and so is the money.

00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:35,247

What if we can get Phillip

to agree to get back together?

00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:36,790

Will you do

the Earth Day show for us?

00:07:36,915 --> 00:07:38,834

Ha, good luck

getting Phillip.

00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,669

He left because he wanted

to do "more serious stuff."

00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,504

The last I heard

00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:43,922

he was doing Canadian

Shakespeare in Toronto.

00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:45,632

[mumbling]

Toronto?

00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:47,050

But we promised the Earth Day

people you'd perform.

00:07:47,176 --> 00:07:48,844

Well, in that case,

00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:50,971

I'd say you four boys are up

fart creek without a paddle.

00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:57,311

Work, work, children.

00:07:57,436 --> 00:08:00,314

We only have two more days

until Earth Day, work!

00:08:00,439 --> 00:08:02,566

Uh, excuse me,

my daddy is a geologist

00:08:02,691 --> 00:08:04,526

and he says there actually

isn't any concrete evidence

00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:06,111

of global warming.

00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:07,446

That's not true.

00:08:07,571 --> 00:08:09,448

Global warming

is going to kill us all.

00:08:09,573 --> 00:08:11,783

The Republicans

are responsible.

00:08:11,909 --> 00:08:13,410

Thank you.

00:08:18,332 --> 00:08:19,708

Oh no, dude.

00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,084

Oh, there you are boys.

00:08:21,210 --> 00:08:22,794

I need Terrance

and Phillip's information

00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:24,963

so I can tell them

their schedule.

00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:27,049

Uh, we didn't get them.

- You what?

00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:28,425

They're not together

anymore, dude.

00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:29,968

You better be joking.

00:08:30,093 --> 00:08:31,220

We've already announced

their participation.

00:08:31,345 --> 00:08:32,846

Look, we could

probably get Terrance,

00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:34,306

but he'll be performing

with this other guy.

00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:36,141

You promised us

Terrance and Phillip.

00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:38,477

We, therefore, promised

the world Terrance and Phillip.

00:08:38,602 --> 00:08:40,562

You will get us

Terrance and Phillip or else.

00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,022

But there's nothing

we can do.

00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:43,732

Phillip is doing

Shakespeare in Canada now.

00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:46,318

Then you better get your asses

to Canada and get him.

00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:47,945

We'll make travel arrangements.

00:08:48,070 --> 00:08:50,489

Nothing is more important

than the environment, boys,

00:08:50,614 --> 00:08:52,866

Not even your lives.

00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:55,494

Well, guys,

I guess we're going to Canada.

00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:56,370

Sweet.

00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,168

Ugh!

Ah!

00:09:06,922 --> 00:09:07,839

Part them,

they are incensed.

00:09:07,965 --> 00:09:09,091

Nay, come again.

00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:10,551

Look to the queen

there, buddy.

00:09:10,676 --> 00:09:12,094

They bleed on both sides,

how is it, my Lord?

00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:13,679

How is it, Laertes?

00:09:13,804 --> 00:09:15,013

Why, as a woodcock

to mine own springe, Osric,

00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:16,723

I am justly killed with

my own treachery.

00:09:16,848 --> 00:09:18,183

How does the queen?

00:09:18,308 --> 00:09:19,101

Hey, guy,

she swoons to see them bleed.

00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:21,520

[all sighing]

00:09:21,645 --> 00:09:23,230

Oh, my dear, Hamlet,

I am poisoned.

00:09:23,355 --> 00:09:25,941

Oh, villainy,

ho, let the door be locked.

00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,526

Treachery, seek it out.

00:09:27,651 --> 00:09:29,778

It is here, Hamlet.

Hamlet, thou art slain.

00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,405

No medicine in the world

can do thee good.

00:09:31,530 --> 00:09:33,240

In thee there is not

half an hour of life.

00:09:33,365 --> 00:09:34,658

The treacherous instrument

is in thy hand,

00:09:34,783 --> 00:09:36,285

unbated and envenomed.

00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:38,078

The foul practice

hath turned itself on me.

00:09:38,203 --> 00:09:40,122

Lo, here I lie

never to rise again.

00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:42,332

Thy mother's poisoned.

I can no more.

00:09:42,457 --> 00:09:44,376

The king,

the king's to blame.

00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:45,877

the point,

envenomed too.

00:09:46,003 --> 00:09:48,297

Then, venom

to thy work, buddy!

00:09:48,422 --> 00:09:49,840

All: Treason, treason!

00:09:49,965 --> 00:09:51,466

Oh, yet defend me, friends,

I am but hurt.

00:09:51,592 --> 00:09:53,594

Here, thou incestuous,

murderous damned dane.

00:09:53,719 --> 00:09:55,596

Drink of this potion,

is thy union here?

00:09:55,721 --> 00:09:57,848

Follow my mother.

00:09:57,973 --> 00:10:00,017

He is served, it is

a poison tempered by himself.

00:10:00,142 --> 00:10:01,768

Exchange forgiveness with me,

noble Hamlet.

00:10:01,893 --> 00:10:03,604

Mine and my father's death

came not upon thee

00:10:03,729 --> 00:10:05,147

nor thine on me.

00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:07,482

Heaven make free of it,

I follow thee, guy.

00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:10,360

I am dead, Horatio,

wretched queen, adieu.

00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:12,529

You that look pale and tremble

at this chance, buddy,

00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:14,114

thou are but mutes

or audience to this act,

00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:15,824

had I but time--

00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,659

as this fell sergeant death

is strict in his arrest--

00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,828

oh, I could tell you, buddy,

but let it be.

00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:21,496

Horatio, I am dead.

00:10:21,622 --> 00:10:23,123

Thou livest, guy,

00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:24,958

report me and my cause aright

to the unsatisfied.

00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:26,501

Never believe it.

00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:28,045

I am more an antique Roman

than a dane.

00:10:28,170 --> 00:10:29,838

Here's yet some

liquor left, buddy.

00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:32,132

Jesus-tap-dancing-Christ,

is this thing ever gonna end?

00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:34,676

He has my dying voice, so

tell him with the occurrence

00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,219

more and less which

have solicited,

00:10:36,345 --> 00:10:38,430

the rest is silence.

00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:40,724

Now cracks a noble heart,

good night, sweet prince

00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:42,559

and flights of angels

sing thee to thy rest, buddy.

00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,437

Phillip, Phillip!

- Yes?

00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,064

Our town in Colorado

was chosen

00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:48,106

to host Earth Day this year

and we need a big act.

00:10:48,231 --> 00:10:49,691

Oh, really?

00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:50,692

This run of Hamlet

is closing down, I'm afraid,

00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:52,277

we could take it there.

00:10:52,402 --> 00:10:53,987

Uh, well we were thinking

how cool it would be

00:10:54,112 --> 00:10:55,781

if you and Terrance got

back together for a reunion--

00:10:55,906 --> 00:10:57,449

Stop right there!

00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:59,493

I'm not doin' nothin'

with that fatass egomaniac.

00:10:59,618 --> 00:11:01,078

But we need you.

00:11:01,203 --> 00:11:02,829

I'm sick of him

taking credit for all the work

00:11:02,954 --> 00:11:04,122

and not letting me

change the act.

00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:05,123

It's old and stale.

00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:06,416

I mean, do you really think

00:11:06,541 --> 00:11:07,793

that fart jokes

are funny for that long?

00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:09,127

[farts and laughs]

00:11:09,252 --> 00:11:10,295

Look, if you don't come

and do the show,

00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:11,588

I'll make you

eat your parents.

00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:12,547

Yeah, whatever kid.

00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:13,548

He'll do it, dude.

00:11:13,674 --> 00:11:15,467

Uh, look, Phillip.

00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:16,593

Everyone in South Park just

wants to see your serious side.

00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:18,303

What?

What?

00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:19,888

They told us, "that Phillip,

he's the one with talent.

00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:21,390

Just get him for Earth Day."

- Really?

00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:23,392

Well that sounds interesting,

how much does it pay?

00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,686

$2,000.

- I'm in!

00:11:25,811 --> 00:11:28,188

Here, call me at this number

with the details, gotta run.

00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:30,232

Dude, you didn't tell him

Terrance would be there.

00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:31,733

I didn't say he wouldn't

be there, either.

00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:33,235

Look, all we have to do

is get them there, right?

00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:34,778

Once Terrance and Phillip

get together again,

00:11:34,903 --> 00:11:36,113

it'll be like old times.

00:11:36,238 --> 00:11:37,989

Oh, Kyle, you just made

a huge withdrawal

00:11:38,115 --> 00:11:40,117

at the "First Bank of Lies."

00:11:40,242 --> 00:11:41,493

It'll--it'll be okay.

00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:46,707

Work faster.

00:11:46,832 --> 00:11:51,086

Faster, children,

Earth Day is coming.

00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:52,462

Well, boys,

it's rehearsal time

00:11:52,587 --> 00:11:54,589

and your Terrance and Phillip

haven't shown up.

00:11:54,715 --> 00:11:55,841

They said they'd come.

00:11:55,966 --> 00:11:57,092

I'm sure they'll

be here any minute.

00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:58,885

Maybe you kids don't

understand

00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:01,596

how important Earth Day is

for the future of our planet.

00:12:01,722 --> 00:12:02,889

Maybe you need

some convincing.

00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:03,890

Karl.

00:12:04,015 --> 00:12:04,891

Ahh!

00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:06,643

Oh, my God!

00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:07,769

Excuse me, is this where

the Earth Day crap is happening?

00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,312

He's here.

00:12:09,438 --> 00:12:11,273

Oh, very good.

Mr. Phillip, I'm Jack Forest,

00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:12,858

head of the Earth Day

committee.

00:12:12,983 --> 00:12:14,818

Thank you for being a part

of this important event.

00:12:14,943 --> 00:12:16,069

Whatever,

where's my check?

00:12:16,194 --> 00:12:17,821

Alright, I'm here,

where do I--

00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:19,364

what's he doing here?

00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:20,949

Alright,

let's do a rehearsal

00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:22,200

so that the camera crew

can get a look at it.

00:12:24,870 --> 00:12:26,413

Wow, isn't this great,

00:12:26,538 --> 00:12:27,998

You guys seeing each other

again?

00:12:28,123 --> 00:12:29,624

Yeah, you must have

a lot of catching up to do

00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:31,042

but let's rehearse first.

00:12:31,168 --> 00:12:32,544

So, this is your doing,

huh, Terrance?

00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:34,045

My doing?

00:12:34,171 --> 00:12:35,922

These kids called me

and said it was your idea

00:12:36,047 --> 00:12:37,424

and that you wanted

to apologize.

00:12:37,549 --> 00:12:38,967

Please, you guys,

this is for Earth Day.

00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:41,636

You care about Mother Earth,

don't you?

00:12:41,762 --> 00:12:42,971

Well, what the hell?

00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:44,639

I already flew

all the way out here.

00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:46,308

But I want my check made out

to me, not both of us.

00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:48,393

Ditto!

- Fine.

00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:50,270

See, I told you

it would work.

00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:52,272

Alright, we'll come off

the speech of the dying whales

00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:54,149

and then, action.

00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,193

Doctor, doctor,

I've cracked my ass.

00:12:56,318 --> 00:12:57,277

Really?

Let me take a look.

00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:58,361

Look closer.

00:12:58,487 --> 00:13:00,113

[farts]

00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:02,407

[laughing nervously]

00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:04,326

Yon fart doth smell

of elderberry sweet--

00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:06,077

That's not the line, asshole.

00:13:06,203 --> 00:13:07,537

You're right,

it's a better one, asshole.

00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:09,039

Just do the bit right,

dick face!

00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:10,207

Why don't you go

eat some more pudding,

00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:11,833

you fatass drug addict!

00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:13,752

I may be fat, but at least

I didn't get hair plugs.

00:13:13,877 --> 00:13:15,295

That's it!

00:13:15,420 --> 00:13:16,963

I ain't doin' nothin'

with "Kooko the Whale"!

00:13:17,088 --> 00:13:19,424

I never needed you

in the first place, you hack!

00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:21,802

You can't leave,

the show starts soon.

00:13:21,927 --> 00:13:25,472

Boys, you've got three hours

to get those two back together.

00:13:25,597 --> 00:13:27,265

Do I need to remind you

what will happen if you don't?

00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:28,433

Karl!

00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:29,726

Owww!

00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:31,686

You bastards.

- Good luck, boys.

00:13:31,812 --> 00:13:33,980

We've got to get them

back together, you guys.

00:13:34,105 --> 00:13:35,232

They could

do this to us!

00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:42,364

Tom, I'm standing

in South Park, Colorado,

00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:45,075

where Earth Day 2001

is in full force.

00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:46,952

Environmental awareness

games, booths

00:13:47,077 --> 00:13:48,954

and of course,

the entertainment on stage

00:13:49,079 --> 00:13:51,081

which is being broadcast live

all over the country.

00:13:51,206 --> 00:13:54,417

This eco-happy crowd is thrilled

and waiting in anticipation

00:13:54,543 --> 00:13:56,628

for the arrival

of Terrance and Phillip,

00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:59,256

who were promised

by these four boys.

00:13:59,381 --> 00:14:01,341

What a touching

and true song.

00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:04,845

You know it's true, Republicans

are ruining the earth.

00:14:04,970 --> 00:14:07,264

Crowd: Republicans

are ruining the earth.

00:14:07,389 --> 00:14:08,974

Alright.

00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:10,809

Well, I think I know why

most you tuned in today.

00:14:10,934 --> 00:14:12,853

How about some

Earth Day entertainment?

00:14:12,978 --> 00:14:17,858

[cheers and applause]

00:14:17,983 --> 00:14:20,986

Hooray for the Earth,

we must protect it.

00:14:21,111 --> 00:14:22,571

And now, as promised,

00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:27,868

Here are Terrance

and Phillip...on video.

00:14:27,993 --> 00:14:31,246

On video?

00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,874

They were considered the best

comedy act in all of Canada,

00:14:33,999 --> 00:14:35,750

but a fast-paced rocket ride

to success

00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:38,169

would bring them

to the depths of despair.

00:14:38,295 --> 00:14:41,339

This is Terrance and Phillip:

Behind the Blow.

00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:42,799

All: Wow.

00:14:42,924 --> 00:14:44,634

What the hell

do you call this?

00:14:44,759 --> 00:14:46,344

It's Terrance and Phillip:

Behind the Blow.

00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:47,888

I taped it last month.

00:14:48,013 --> 00:14:49,681

We promised people

Terrance and Phillip,

00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:51,224

not a video documentary.

00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:53,727

You've ruined the Earth

for the last time, boys!

00:14:55,437 --> 00:14:57,397

All: Aah!

00:14:57,522 --> 00:14:59,649

Terrance was born

"Terrance Henry Stute"

00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:01,818

in the small Canadian village

of Toronto.

00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:03,403

At a very early age,

00:15:03,528 --> 00:15:05,280

his parents noticed

an uncanny musical ability

00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:06,740

and decided to enroll him

00:15:06,865 --> 00:15:09,075

in the Canadian school

for gifted babies.

00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:12,078

It was here that he partnered up

with Phillip Niles Argyle,

00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:14,539

a brash young baby

from Montreal.

00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:16,750

Together,

they performed musical acts

00:15:16,875 --> 00:15:18,418

that stunned Canadians

everywhere.

00:15:18,543 --> 00:15:20,045

At the tender age of six,

00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:22,380

Terrance and Phillip

were off to the United States

00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:24,466

to perform on

the Ed Sullivan Show

00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:26,718

where American audiences

would be exposed to Canadians

00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:28,762

for the first time.

00:15:28,887 --> 00:15:30,096

And now,

ladies and gentlemen,

00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:32,641

we have two adorable little boys

from Canada.

00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:33,892

Please put your hands together

00:15:34,017 --> 00:15:36,269

for the music

of young Terrance and Phillip.

00:15:36,394 --> 00:15:37,854

[applause]

00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:39,147

♪ Beef and lamb

chicken and ham ♪

00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:40,523

♪ Step to the left

and clap your hands ♪

00:15:40,649 --> 00:15:41,816

♪ Gosh we love that

chicken and ham ♪

00:15:41,942 --> 00:15:44,527

♪ Don't you love that

chicken and ham ♪

00:15:44,653 --> 00:15:46,112

Oh, my God, what's wrong

with their heads?

00:15:46,237 --> 00:15:48,031

It's alright, darling,

they're just Canadian.

00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:49,324

Oh.

00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:50,784

♪ Beef and lamb

chicken and ham ♪

00:15:50,909 --> 00:15:51,826

♪ Step to the left

and clap your hands ♪

00:15:51,952 --> 00:15:53,119

♪ Gosh we love that

chicken and ham ♪

00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:54,704

♪ Don't you love my

chicken and ham ♪

00:15:54,829 --> 00:15:57,540

the Canadian act confused

American audiences,

00:15:57,666 --> 00:15:59,250

but then something happened

00:15:59,376 --> 00:16:02,128

that would change Terrance

and Phillip's act forever.

00:16:02,253 --> 00:16:04,756

[farts]

00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:06,883

[laughter and applause]

00:16:10,595 --> 00:16:12,263

[farts]

00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:16,017

It was the birth

of Canadian comedy.

00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:17,644

Terrance and Phillip

00:16:17,769 --> 00:16:19,437

spent the next several years

perfecting their art

00:16:19,562 --> 00:16:23,274

and meeting some of America's

most influential people.

00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:24,818

Excuse me,

which way is the bus station?

00:16:24,943 --> 00:16:26,194

Hey, you're the guy

on the screen.

00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:28,154

What?

00:16:28,279 --> 00:16:30,156

But it was in 1974

on the Sonny and Cher Show

00:16:30,281 --> 00:16:31,658

that Terrance and Phillip

00:16:31,783 --> 00:16:33,243

finally started to mix

their Canadian humor

00:16:33,368 --> 00:16:35,662

with deep political insight.

00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:37,455

You know, Cher,

a lot of us real Americans

00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:38,999

don't know much

about Canada.

00:16:39,124 --> 00:16:40,500

Well, all of us

real Americans

00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:43,670

aren't as stupid

and short as you.

00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:45,296

Please put your

groovy hands together

00:16:45,422 --> 00:16:47,424

for the young and talented

Terrance and Phillip.

00:16:47,549 --> 00:16:50,301

[cheers and applause]

00:16:50,427 --> 00:16:51,928

Say, Terrance,

I'm getting worried aboot

00:16:52,053 --> 00:16:53,555

all these Russians

making missiles.

00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,181

Maybe we should

stop this "Cold War."

00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:58,393

Here's a missile for ya.

[farts]

00:16:58,518 --> 00:16:59,519

That's better.

00:16:59,644 --> 00:17:03,815

[farting and cackling]

00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,696

With this bold mix

of humor and political insight,

00:17:09,821 --> 00:17:11,990

the world couldn't get enough

of Terrance and Phillip,

00:17:12,115 --> 00:17:13,825

but their fame

would come at a price

00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:16,327

when Behind the Blow continues.

00:17:16,453 --> 00:17:18,163

Okay, okay,

I think we lost 'em.

00:17:18,288 --> 00:17:20,248

Jesus, man, those Earth people

don't screw around.

00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:22,083

Kyle, none of this

would be happening

00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,460

if you hadn't lied

in the first place.

00:17:23,585 --> 00:17:25,545

You lied and then you lied

to cover up your lies.

00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:27,630

I didn't see you complaining

at the time, fat boy!

00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:29,799

Guys, we have no choice,

we're gonna have to move away.

00:17:29,924 --> 00:17:31,634

Environmental activists

don't use logic or reason.

00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:34,220

There they are!

00:17:34,345 --> 00:17:35,930

Ahh!

00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:37,891

[shouting]

00:17:39,976 --> 00:17:42,270

As they entered

their late teens,

00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,772

Terrance and Phillip

were already starting to taste

00:17:43,897 --> 00:17:45,023

the sweet milk of success,

00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:46,733

but the price of fame

was looming

00:17:46,858 --> 00:17:49,861

as Terrance and Phillip:

Behind the Blow continues.

00:17:49,986 --> 00:17:51,279

The '70s and '80s

were a good time

00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:52,781

for young Terrance and Phillip.

00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:54,282

Their act on

The Donny and Marie Show

00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:56,076

won them

a Nobel Peace Prize.

00:17:56,201 --> 00:17:57,911

They were on the cover

of every magazine.

00:17:58,036 --> 00:17:59,704

And then in 1998,

00:17:59,829 --> 00:18:01,998

even a Saturday morning

cartoon was made

00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:03,750

based on Terrance and Phillip.

00:18:03,875 --> 00:18:05,919

Terrance and Phillip themselves

supplied the voices.

00:18:06,044 --> 00:18:07,378

Say, Terrance,

what should we do

00:18:07,504 --> 00:18:09,172

aboot this strange planet

we've crashed on?

00:18:09,297 --> 00:18:11,049

I don't know, Phillip.

00:18:11,174 --> 00:18:12,884

It seems like the alien species

here breathe an inert gas.

00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:14,552

Uh-oh, did you say

what I thought you said?

00:18:14,677 --> 00:18:16,679

[fart and laughing]

00:18:16,805 --> 00:18:18,598

As leader of

the Goat People,

00:18:18,723 --> 00:18:20,725

I have seen my species

nearly wiped out

00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:22,310

by your dangerous gas.

00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:23,937

Wow, that sucks.

00:18:24,062 --> 00:18:25,188

[farts]

00:18:25,313 --> 00:18:26,856

The cartoon was

such a huge success

00:18:26,981 --> 00:18:28,149

that it started to breed

confusion

00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:29,818

over whether

Terrance and Phillip

00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:32,153

were animated characters

or real people.

00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:34,572

And so in 1998,

the comedy team started work

00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:36,825

on what they thought would be

their greatest achievement,

00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:38,368

a made-for-TV movie

00:18:38,493 --> 00:18:40,203

written by and starting

Terrance and Phillip

00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:42,580

called Not Without My Anus.

00:18:42,705 --> 00:18:44,290

It was their biggest project

to date,

00:18:44,415 --> 00:18:46,376

but it had the misfortune

of being scheduled on a night

00:18:46,501 --> 00:18:48,837

when a different and more

popular television show,

00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:51,965

the John Schneider Variety Hour

was supposed to air.

00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:53,633

When fans tuned in

to see John Schneider

00:18:53,758 --> 00:18:56,511

and instead were treated to

the Canadian made-for-TV movie,

00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:59,222

they were enraged, bewildered,

and scared.

00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:01,516

The fans revolted

and burned down the network,

00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:04,811

killing six television producers

and wounding 12 others.

00:19:04,936 --> 00:19:07,188

The hatred of

Terrance and Phillip had begun.

00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:09,065

Terrance fell into

a deep depression

00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:10,900

and started abusing

wood polish.

00:19:11,025 --> 00:19:12,652

Phillip beat up

an angry six-year-old fan

00:19:12,777 --> 00:19:14,320

and was sued for

$6 million.

00:19:14,445 --> 00:19:16,865

It was the first time

the duo tasted failure

00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:18,741

and it nearly

killed them both.

00:19:18,867 --> 00:19:21,035

What's going on here?

00:19:21,161 --> 00:19:24,747

Shh, we're watchin'

Behind the Blow.

00:19:24,873 --> 00:19:27,584

Come on, Kenny,

hurry up!

00:19:27,709 --> 00:19:30,128

After years of depression

and suicide attempts,

00:19:30,253 --> 00:19:32,630

Terrance and Phillip

finally decided to get together

00:19:32,755 --> 00:19:34,424

for one last film,

00:19:34,549 --> 00:19:37,969

the 1999 smash hit

Asses of Fire.

00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:39,971

It was one of the highest

grossing films of the summer.

00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:41,389

And though

the film also started

00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:43,391

the Canadian-American

war of 1999

00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:45,351

in which eight million people

lost their lives,

00:19:45,476 --> 00:19:47,604

the film was

considered a great success.

00:19:47,729 --> 00:19:49,939

After almost being executed

by the American government,

00:19:50,064 --> 00:19:52,066

Terrance and Phillip were

eventually returned to Canada

00:19:52,192 --> 00:19:53,943

where they were touted

as heroes.

00:19:54,068 --> 00:19:55,778

They had been to hell and back,

00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:58,406

through the very best and the

very worst of times together,

00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:00,909

but they had seen it through,

and so ends

00:20:01,034 --> 00:20:03,453

Terrance and Phillip:

Behind the Blow.

00:20:03,578 --> 00:20:05,246

[cheering]

00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:07,457

Terrance.

00:20:07,582 --> 00:20:08,791

Oh, Phillip,

you're still here too.

00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:10,335

I was just

watching this video.

00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:13,046

You know, I've never

seen it before.

00:20:13,171 --> 00:20:15,256

Me neither.

00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:17,425

We sure did go through

a lot together.

00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:20,136

We sure did.

00:20:20,261 --> 00:20:21,471

Terrance, I--

00:20:21,596 --> 00:20:23,014

Don't, no, Phillip,

don't say it.

00:20:23,139 --> 00:20:24,474

I was an asshole,

this is mostly my fault.

00:20:24,599 --> 00:20:26,100

That's what

I was gonna say,

00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:29,229

You're an asshole and

this was mostly your fault.

00:20:29,354 --> 00:20:31,856

But you were always the more

artistically driven of us.

00:20:31,981 --> 00:20:33,524

I should've put more

into it than I did.

00:20:33,650 --> 00:20:34,692

No, Phillip.

00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:36,069

I really thought

I did everything,

00:20:36,194 --> 00:20:39,280

until I tried

to do it alone.

00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:42,450

[farts slowly]

00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:44,410

[laughs]

00:20:44,535 --> 00:20:46,621

[laughs]

00:20:50,959 --> 00:20:52,585

Think of all

the endangered species

00:20:52,710 --> 00:20:54,212

that will now vanish

because of you.

00:20:54,337 --> 00:20:55,129

Karl!

00:20:57,006 --> 00:20:58,633

So long, boys.

00:20:58,758 --> 00:20:59,717

Wait,

dude, look.

00:20:59,842 --> 00:21:02,387

[applause]

00:21:02,512 --> 00:21:04,180

Thank you, everyone,

thank you.

00:21:04,305 --> 00:21:06,224

You know, Phillip and I have

learned an important lesson,

00:21:06,349 --> 00:21:07,934

that when you go

through a lot with somebody,

00:21:08,059 --> 00:21:09,769

you can't let trite things

come between you.

00:21:09,894 --> 00:21:11,020

That's right, Terrance.

00:21:11,145 --> 00:21:12,063

You should only let

trite things

00:21:12,188 --> 00:21:13,731

come between your ass cheeks.

00:21:13,856 --> 00:21:15,525

[farting and laughing]

Oh, no!

00:21:15,650 --> 00:21:16,609

They're back.

00:21:16,734 --> 00:21:17,610

Alright!

00:21:17,735 --> 00:21:19,988

Yes, Earth Day is saved, boys.

00:21:20,113 --> 00:21:21,531

Everything worked out

after all.

00:21:21,656 --> 00:21:23,116

It sure did.

00:21:23,241 --> 00:21:24,742

Look, Kenny,

everything turned out okay.

00:21:24,867 --> 00:21:26,411

[mumbles]

00:21:26,536 --> 00:21:27,787

Say, Terrance,

can you tell me who farted?

00:21:27,912 --> 00:21:29,372

He sure did, Phillip.

00:21:29,497 --> 00:21:31,124

No, I'm asking you

his name.

00:21:31,249 --> 00:21:33,418

And so Terrance and Phillip

got back together,

00:21:33,543 --> 00:21:35,420

proving once and for all

that fame and fortune

00:21:35,545 --> 00:21:37,380

are never as important

as friendship.

00:21:37,505 --> 00:21:38,965

♪ Beef and lamb

chicken and ham ♪

00:21:39,090 --> 00:21:40,258

♪ Step to the left

and clap your hands ♪

00:21:40,383 --> 00:21:41,426

♪ Gosh we love that

chicken and ham ♪

00:21:41,551 --> 00:21:42,552

♪ Don't they love that

chicken and ham ♪

00:21:42,677 --> 00:21:46,681

[clapping]

00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:48,224

♪ Beef and lamb

chicken and ham ♪

00:21:48,349 --> 00:21:49,267

♪ Step to the left

and clap your hands ♪

00:21:49,392 --> 00:21:50,601

♪ Gosh we love that

chicken and ham ♪

00:21:50,727 --> 00:21:51,811

♪ Don't they love that

chicken and ham ♪

00:21:51,936 --> 00:21:53,229

♪ Beef and lamb

chicken and ham ♪

00:21:53,354 --> 00:21:54,272

♪ Step to the left

and clap your hands ♪

00:21:54,397 --> 00:21:55,815

♪ Gosh we love that

chicken and ham ♪

00:21:55,940 --> 00:21:56,190

♪ Don't they love that

chicken and ham ♪

00:21:56,316 --> 00:21:57,275

[farting]